#which is fine! but it was a specific influence on my childhood that can't be easily explained

[honeysuckle-venom]

I have this ex-friend with whom I cut off contact a few years ago. And that was the right call for me, and I'm glad I did it. But sometimes I really miss them. We could talk about certain things that I can't talk about with most other people. And they were my only friend who came from a very very similar Jewish background to me. I have lots of Jewish friends and I love them all dearly. This friend just also grew up Conservative which is a distinct experience that we could talk about. And we had similar views on Israel and experiences with antisemitism and stuff. And it would just have been nice these past few months to have them to talk to as this has all happened. I can and do talk about it with other Jewish friends, and ultimately this specific friendship wasn't healthy for me. But still. Sometimes I wish we could still talk about this stuff together.

[andy-wm]

I have thoughts on Jimin's SGMB

It's the gayest thing I've ever seen.

And by that I mean it's joyous, light-hearted, bright, and fun.

We can all agree, I think, that this is a happy and totally harmless song. Who could criticise Jimin for declaring his love in such a sweet and innocent way?

Of course not everyone will like it, and that's fine. You don't have to like everything he does - or everything BTS does - you are an individual with thoughts and feelings of your own - I hope. But putting that aside you'd have to be a troubled person indeed to take offence at anything here.

So, it is definitely a fan song, right? Jimin is singing to his fans... isn't he?

Maybe.

But if it is (I and I'm not convinced) it's not just a fan song.

It's sweet, so sweet, but....

Maybe it's a little too sweet?

We know Jimin is CUTIE SEXY LOVELY and LOVELY LOVELY LOVELY, but let's be honest, he's also a grown man. And Army are not children (mostly). In fact we have had many many conversations about how ARMY are not children.

But this whole production is pushing the sweet and innocent barrow so hard that I can't help wanting to look underneath and behind and inside to see what's really going on because it's so sweet it's hurting my teeth.

Compare the sophistication and self awareness of FACE to the bouncy, bright and child-like song-and-dance in the SGMB music video. They are WORLDS apart and we were told very specifically that the albums were linked.

"Following his first solo album, “FACE,” where he sought to explore his true identity, “MUSE” documents his journey in search of the source of his inspiration." said the Weverse notification.

So what's really going on here?

What are you doing Jiminie?

And more importantly, why are you doing it?

You could call it a pageant, or a carnival, or a circus - with Jimin as the ringmaster.

But my view is:

This a pantomime. And it's very clever.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, a pantomime is "A dramatic entertainment,  originating in Roman mime, in which  performers express meaning through  gestures  accompanied by music." Yes, that describes it.

Merriam-Webster tells us "[A pantomime] is an ancient Roman dramatic performance featuring a solo dancer and a narrative chorus" That also makes sense.

Oxford also specified that it's a modern BRITISH tradition. "a theatrical entertainment, mainly for children, which involves music, topical jokes, and slapstick comedy." It's a perfect fit.

The British link is already there - Jimin clearly told us he's influenced by The Beatles' Sergeant Peppers Album. There's also the styling of his suit. The stovepipe pants, narrow tie, and fitted jacket are very 1960s (and 1980s) British pop.

There's something old-school about a pantomime. It harks back to childhood, and to the nostalgia of holidays. And the styling of the MV is in keeping with that nostalgic feel too - from the Mountain scene with the vintage film title, to the intertitles - or title cards , to the circular frame of the opening scene.

But back to the Pantomime itself...

A quick google search told me the following are important elements of pantomime. And we have most, if not all of them in this production.

Gender role reversal - TICK

Slapstick comedy - TICK

Colourful costumes - TICK

Audience participation - TICK (the children ARE the audience)

Exaggerated facial expressions - TICK

Take another look at the music video - it's all there.

Wikipedia tells us that pantomimes traditional told fairy tales or folk tales - often love stories - and that the primary role in a Pantomime was:

The 'Principal boy', a hero or charismatic rogue, traditionally played by a young woman in men's clothing.

Smart, very smart. With all the other conversations we've been having a round gender this is totally on the money.

Wikipedia goes on to say "Another pantomime tradition is to engage celebrity guest stars... Contemporary pantomime productions are often adapted to allow the star to showcase their well-known act.... If the star enters into the spirit of the entertainment, he or she likely adds to its overall effect"

Welcome, Loco.

(yes, I know collabs are de rigueur, but that doesn't change the fact that it fits - celeb guests are an established practice in Panto.)

So if this IS a Pantomime (and I'm not saying it definitely is but it looks like one to me), then it's intended to be a sung-story, told as much through dance and gestures as through words.

If it's a pantomime, what is it about?

I'm glad you asked! This little charade is the story of a young person called Jimin who is looking for love. He finds romance easily enough...

but real love takes a little longer.

Fortunately for our hero, he's brave (he will confess to his lover) and he is patient (he encourages them to do so too).

In between, there are shenanigans and goofing...

But our Charismatic Rogue is charming (if devilish) and wins the hearts of the audience - and his lover.

Let's take a closer look at how the story unfolds...

At the start of the MV, as the initial credits appear, Jimin is on stage vibing with his band. Loco is chilling on a rock like a lizard in the sun.

We get the ye olde intertitles, welcoming the audience and introducing.... SMERALDO Garden Marching Band

It's not Smeraldo Garden - Marching Band. It's Smeraldo *pause* Garden Marching Band. Smeraldo (secrets) has the emphasis.

After the intertitles, the scene opens on a group of children - they are ostensibly the audience of the band. They're playing paper-scissors-rock to see who will call for Jimin's attention.

The children run over to him and the tale begins.

Jimin, the main character of this story, immediately launches into song.

He starts off singing about Bangtan - mentioning their harmony (song and personal I think), he shows the Bangtan hand gesture we all know so well, and he sings "we gift happiness every day".

But he mentions June 12th.

Why June 12th?

Why not 13th, their debut day?

BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A SONG for ARMY. He's making it clear that at this point he's referring to Bangtan specifically, not the whole juggernaut of the fandom and fame. June 12th precedes ARMY.

He's made it clear from the start - this is NOT ABOUT ARMY.

Then he leans in and whispers to the children - and the camera -"lets talk about us".

Look at the kids' faces - they're miming shock. Ooooohhh! This is a big secret he's about to tell them - and us.

Look at Jimin's expression - he's just a tad smug. This is not a shocking secret to him, this is a fun secret.

Yes, he is indeed the charismatic rogue of this story.

He sings:

"All the things we couldn't say before

And your hidden feelings too (just for you)

Don't you worry anymore

Since we're together now**

Let's be a little more honest."

So it seems our main character has a LOVER. Someone who couldn't be revealed and who hid their feelings.

<Wow, I have no idea who this could be...>

Hang on, what's happening in the MV??

On his journey, it seems our young hero has a few short-lived romances. And if you look carefully, they are all with men.

He accepts the rose from a man, and plants himself on the bench right up close to .... a man. He jumps up unperturbed, and gifts the rose to (you guessed it) another man.

Jimin manages to sidestep (or completely ignore) all the women except one, who he sends graciously into the arms of a random man before continuing on his journey.

Wait one moment... his romantic partners were ALL MEN??

ALL MEN??

ALL MEN?!!!!!

Yes darling, all men. Let's continue.

So, it seems none of Jimin's previous romances grew into anything more, but he takes his own advice with his mysterious lover and confesses first.

He smirks. He flicks his jacket with pizzazz. He's ready.

He sings:

"Ooooh I love you babe,

I'll come closer to you

I want to hold your hand,

I want you babe (yessir)

Please note the hand gesture in this choreo - it's another one we've seen many times.

The dance ends and Jimin scans the surroundings and spots his old friend...

[Enter stage left: Loco]

Oh look, the friend is a rapper a few years older than Jimin. They seem to have a lot of fun together, Jimin and his rapper friend. There are ZERO romantic overtones here. This guy happily goes along with all the goofing and silliness even though he looks a tiny bit mortified. Either they are both very good actors, or a lot of the time, Loco was holding in his laughter. And Jimin seems incredibly amused by that.

They hang out together until.... something in the atmosphere changes:

The colours become richer, light become warmer, and oh look....

It's *The Golden Hour*

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, PEOPLE. HE REALLY DID THIS.

Jimin leaves Loco, chasing the golden light as he sings about "the dazzling sky." Golden confetti (champagne, anyone?) falls all around him and then ...

fucking sunflowers bloom.

SUN FLOWERS.

BLOOM.

FOR HIM.

<I need to lie down and process this>

SUNflowers...

Remind me again what sunflowers are known for? Oh yes, they are symbolic of the sun. Guess what else? They turn to face the sun.

Yup, the sunflowers all turn their faces toward the camera. I'm not crazy, okay?! I'm not.

SMH... let's move on.

Jimin re-joins his band, and the sunflowers do their sunflower thing, and Jimin sings:

"So tell me how you feel,

let whatever you feel

wash over you"

Then he sings

"I love you babe, (yessir)

I'll come closer to you

I want to hold your hand,

I want you babe (yessir)

Please note the hand gesture again

👉 👈

The bridge is next, and Jimin takes us back to Bangtan. As all the stars appear (that ocean of purple light that surrounds them at concerts) and everyone takes their place on stage, they turn up the music. <Are my eyes watering? Perhaps>

"I think we're ready now

<NGL I may have shed a tear here>

Lets begin 1, 2

<Ok fuck, I bawled at this point. Goddammit Jimin!>

Put your hands up"

*cute wiggle-dance commences* and Jimin spots his good friend the rapper again, hiding on the sidelines. He pulls him into the chorus line and they do more silliness and everyone is having a great time.

Confetti- flower petals fall, there's laughter and happiness all around, and they bow and bid us good bye.

The show is over.

*THE END*

But wait, I am not done.

A few more things bear mentioning here:

I saw quite a few comments saying this song is for ARMY.

It is categorically NOT for ARMY. Besides the fact that we already have Closer Than This - a fan song - on this album, Jimin specifically chose a date before debut - before ARMY existed - to place in this song. No mention of ARMY at all. Accept it graciously, this is not for you.

I wanna hold your hand

This lyric is a reference not only to the Beatles song "I Want to Hold Your Hand", It's also a common theme with Jimin and Jungkook. We see them finding any feeble excuse to hold hands, shake hands, touch hands. Yes, we see you two...

I am you, You are me

The gesture used in the choreo when Jimin is singing his confession - I failed miserably to catch it in my screengrab but there's no doubt it's their "I am you, You are me" gesture. Take a look for yourself.

All Jimin's romantic moments happened with men.

I'm not saying in his life, I am saying in this MV. All of them. The only interaction he has with a woman is one brief moment where he grabs her wrist as she passes by and he swings her into the path of a guy behind him. He even scoots around the women and sidesteps them. That can't be accidental. He's making a point.

The addition of 'yessir' in the lyrics makes it clear that he's confessing to a man.

I cannot see any reasonable way to refute this. The BH subtitles include it even though you have to listen carefully to catch it. THAT IS A CHOICE, NOT AN ACCIDENT.

"Even though we're together now"

These lyrics could mean theyre an established, committed couple. But if we think a little broader than that, and a little more literally, who is he together with right now?

It's strategically brilliant.

This is his 'tell all expose' but he has built in a rock solid escape clause by using the panto format. Staging the whole love story - including the prior boyfriends and the man he's now in love with - as an over the top comedy show makes it easily dismissible as pure fiction. By including the fantasy/magical elements he just makes it more so. Deniers will be able to come up with a dozen reasons to reject this... 'It's a fantasy story', 'not all songs are autobiographical', 'he's making a point', 'he's raising LGBTQIA+ awareness'... all true maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that this is HIS song, about HIS muse. If you've been paying attention (and even if you haven't) you will know this is certainly not pure fiction.

AND FINALLY....

The most important one, I left till last. I actually want to scream this, in all caps, in the biggest font possible. But I will restrain myself.

The song is bookended by references to BTS.

That is hugely important. For those who may not be aware, this is a literary device. Bookending a story provides a start and end reference point. Here, the Bangtan bookends provide context for the rest of the lyrics - they frame the lyrics within them. That means the events happening in the song, happen within the context of Bangtan. Reading between the lines, the person he is singing to/about is within Bangtan.

This is not reaching. This is like mixing blue paint and yellow paint together. You will get green paint.

💛+💙=💚

So yes, this song is the gayest thing I've ever seen.

And I DO mean it's joyous, light-hearted, bright, and fun.

But yes, it's also absolutely and totally really really GAY

🏳️‍🌈🐥🦄🌈🏳️‍⚧️🌻🐰☀️🏳️‍🌈

Thank you Jiminie

[sysmedsaresexist]

I've heard one of my posts is causing waves

Here's some more things that are normal in DID/OSDD systems, and some weird myths, in no particular order

- Not realizing you're a system until later is normal (average age of system discovery is 18-21)

- It's rare for children to display distinct alters (not impossible, just a rare occurrence in a rare disorder (based on numbers, it's considered rare, yes), alters tend to form in mid-teens)

- Feeling as though you "created" an alter is normal (related to unconscious feelings of control over an uncontrollable situation, and/or tricking yourself into an explanation, also, if you have a need to be filled, the brain WILL provide)

- "mixed origin systems" are totally normal for DID/OSDD. I have a couple alters that could be considered "endogenic", but I'm really just... DID, with normal alters forming in normal ways

- Alters forming at any age/time is normal (you can form a brand new alter at fifty, after having undergone complete fusion, once the ability is there, it's always possible to split)

- Alters don't always appear immediately after a traumatic event (alters can take YEARS to come to front after forming, making it impossible to tie them to specific events unless THEY'RE aware of the connection)

- Alters can form from stress, not just trauma (and the brain is notoriously good at hiding how stressed you are from yourself)

- Comfort splits ARE normal in DID/OSDD

- The amnesia criteria in DID doesn't mean you need to experience amnesia day-to-day, you still have DID if you can't remember childhood events but have good communication now

- The dysfunction criteria is redundant and circular, where the symptoms themselves fulfill the criteria, and as per the DSM, doesn't imply any inherent need for treatment or distress-- so being happy, loving your system, feeling like your system helps you more than it hinders you, all normal (and good!) but still DID/OSDD

- OSDD 1a does not involve alters as they're known, but states or modes that influence you, and amnesia occurs during these periods of influence; OSDD 1b involves "emotional amnesia" only (which is just a stupid, fancy word for dissociation (an emotional disconnect from a memory) that doesn't actually exist in the medical world)

- You can have as many EPs and ANPs as you'd like. The majority of systems with OSDD feel as though the one ANP theory doesn't fit them, and there have recently been updates to theories to acknowledge this

- Integration is the lowering of dissociative barriers to allow for better communication between system members, and is absolutely necessary for functional multiplicity (fusion is the joining of two or more alters). These definitions come from the ISSTD, and it IS recognized by the ISSTD that integration and functional multiplicity are viable and attainable treatment goals. Keep this in mind when conversations about these topics come up-- if you can communicate clearly with alters, you're already well integrated. It's not scary, it's not bad, and no one can or will make you fuse.

- CPTSD, the basis of dissociative disorders and DID, presents very differently from PTSD -- mostly presenting as a negative view of the self and vigilance rather than the flashbacks and nightmares you'd see in PTSD (it's quite similar to BPD, but the view of the self is negative rather than unstable). If you resonate with some aspects of BPD and have a system, and you don't experience the "typical" presentation of PTSD, that's normal. That's CPTSD (complex PTSD, not chronic PTSD), maybe read up on it.

- You don't need to know your trauma to acknowledge that you have DID/OSDD, and no one should be pushing that you search for trauma. Who cares, move at your own pace, maybe you'll never figure it out, and that's perfectly fine. People who push others about their trauma will face my wrath.

- Trauma isn't an action, but a REACTION to an event. What traumatizes one person, may not have any effect on another person, and vice versa. This isn't about what might have happened to you, but how you felt about it. There is no Trauma Olympics, and people who play that way are ridiculous. Trauma reactions are personal and unique, and come from anything-- bullying, isolation and loneliness, abuse. And yes, other disorders can make you more susceptible to trauma reactions. Having autism or ADHD or BPD, EDs, psychosis, schizophrenia-- all of these create more opportunities for trauma reactions, and make someone more susceptible. That doesn't mean you're not trauma based. It doesn't mean those things caused your system. It means those things made it harder for you to navigate life and left you more susceptible to trauma. That's it.

- MADD is typically trauma based

There's so, so many more. Other DID/OSDD systems, feel free to add on, endogenic systems, ask if something is normal.

[birdylion]

Thinking about the rural queer experience again. I can never truly go back to my hometown because most people there will misgender me all the time, no matter how I look. I can't live in a city because that's too stressful for me. I'm in a new rural community now, but I'm stealth there and I don't tell people I'm queer, so I'm basically back in the closet, which is rather isolating, even though I know who I am and where I stand, which is different from how it was in my teens. There's a city nearby where I can go for queer meetups etc, but I've yet to meet a group with which I really vibe. The trans group came close, but even they weren't my scene.

Then there's the thing that most offline queer spaces I know use "FLINTA" as a label more and more, which is supposed to be "inclusive" but actually means "everyone but cis men", and in practice the only spaces I've seen it used actually meant "women and nonbinary people" (including trans women, yay! and/but trans men only nominally). The last time I was in such a space I got misgendered all the time because everyone there assumed that any person who was there was aligned with womanhood so "she" was the default.

I don't get misgendered in my little village and volunteer community, because apparently nobody questions my gender there. It's a specific kind of masculinity that's prevalent there, the hardworking, sturdy and steady type. I don't quite fit in with that either, but well enough that I'm not questioned. In queer spaces, I feel I'm often seen as "in-between" genders even though I'm rather firmly (binary trans) male. Here, in the village, there's no concept of gender as a spectrum, and while the gender roles aren't as set as they used to be, there's still a firm line between men and women, which I know is a prison for those who aren't either, but for me it's actually a blessing. Here I come with all my knowledge of gender theory and understanding for nonbinary life experiences, and yet I don't talk about that, and I don't mention my own past/childhood, because the firm line between men and women actually affirms my own gender more than any queer scene in the city could so far. Getting to spend time with folks from these parts and being treated as one of the guys is SO gender affirming for me personally, it feels like finally I don't have to prove myself.

It reminds me of a trans woman from the city's trans meetup who said that the place that gets her the most misgendering are queer parties, while backwater villages are mostly fine because people see a person in a dress and think "woman".

While I truly feel at home here, my experience as someone who was a gay girl who grew up to be a man is still unique and something I don't share, even though I've been dealing with it for more than half my life and it deeply influenced my worldview and politics and how I interact with the world. It's like this secret identity that new people don't get to unlock that easily, which again is isolating with regards to my sexuality, because that IS very queer.

[cursedvibes]

To be completely honest, I am kind of hoping Megumi is gone for good along with Gojo. I know subverting the trope where the protagonist is always the main focus of the story and everyone else is never on their level is cool, but I think Gege kinda overdid it with Yuji to the point it has pratically stripped him of protagonist status in the eyes of the general audience. People hardly take Yuji seriously or acknowledge his development.

And I agree, the real cathartic moment would be a fight between Yuji X Kenjaku with all the juicy drama it would ensue. Specifically because that means the focus will be on Yuji, and we are probably gonna get some flashbacks as Yuji regains some os his childhood memories.

Although I do like the focus is on Sukuna nowo. Not sure how I feel about giving him of all people a sad backstory with the "I was an unwanted child" thing, but meh. It gives me the impression that he is an illegitimate child, also it does give theory fodder to the people who think the Itadoris are a distant relative of Sukuna through his potential brothers or cousins or smth.

I think that's the problem of those people and their expectations for shonen. I don't have trouble taking him seriously or acknowledging his development. These people are probably just not interested in his kind of character and that's fine, as long as they don't make generalizing statements about him. If he doesn't stand out to them even on a reread, that's their issue. I can't remember a moment where I thought "this should've been about Yuuji". The Gojo fight could've been much shorter and more time given before the time skip, but those are general issues not ones specific to Yuuji. Gojo's character suffered way more from that than him.

I highly doubt Megumi is coming back or if he's coming back, he will be in a catatonic state. Besides the trauma (that was pretty badly explored, I mean I was sad about Yorozu dying as well, but it didn't submerge my soul), he also suffered severe brain damage from Gojo's Unlimited Voids and even if Sukuna healed most of the brain tissue itself, we saw the mental consequences of it with the people in the Shibuya train station. and that was just one domain for 0.2 seconds. So yeah, it's not looking good for him. I think he's not completely gone, his soul is still there somewhere and could likely only be brought fourth by someone like Yuuji my agenda coming through but he won't have any major influence anymore, much less get back to how he once was. If he does, that's just unrealistic. He has been dealt too much damage at this point. My only issue with all this is the lack of focus his mental decline gets. Sukuna and Yorozu are having a blast fighting and then we just get a cut away to Megumi crying underwater because Tsumiki dying supposedly traumatized him this much. Despite Tsumiki not being a focus at all and most likely dead from the beginning (we never see her, so who knows). Same in the Gojo fight. Gojo hurt Megumi instead of Sukuna and now he's even more of a vegetable than before and that's the only update we get or the time the consequences for him are mentioned. There needs to be more on how he is mentally affected by this, how it affects Sukuna and the protagonists. Still hoping Yuuji joining the action will give some depth to this beyond MegumiSuffering.png

Lastly, I don't think the unwanted child thing means Sukuna gets a "sob story" or is being redeemed. Knowing the Ryomen Sukuna urban legend, which I'm happy to see Gege seems to be leaning into, Sukuna was always going to have had a brutal childhood and was likely used by Kenjaku and/or Tengen. He's human, there's no way he's born evil, that doesn't exist. The backstory is just there to give him depth and explain how he became who he is now. He's still a mass murderer, cannibal and sadist, that doesn't take anything away from that.

Also, the phrase he uses is 忌み子, which is a rather old word specifically referring to twins getting abandoned because of the belief that they will bring misfortune upon the family. There's a long tradition of superstitions revolving around twins and them either being divine beings or a curse. That's what I think this will lead into because also fits with the urban legend where Mononobe Tengoku (Kenjaku and/or Tengen in this case I think) picks up conjoined twins believing them to be divine, putting them through a rigged kodoku ritual and eventually threw the surviving twins into a chamber to starve them to death and turn them into a sokushinbutsu mummy (similar to ,manga Sukuna's mummy), which he tried to destroy Japan with. Obviously Sukuna became much older before he died and turned into a mummy, but I still think certain story beats like the kodoku ritual might still come up in his past. Not to mention that Sukuna being older and not imprisoned (in the Heian period) means he had much more agency than the conjoined twins from the urban legend. I have a lot of headcanons surrounding his origins, but I don't think him having gone through some shit woobiefies him. Of course it's inevitably gonna happen in the fandom, people were already making excuses for him before we got any sort of reveal of his background. Many find him hot and that's enough of a reason. I also like the implication that contrary to Gojo or Kashimo he wasn't born insanely strong and worshipped by everyone, he had to work to get there and he had to work to get this evil. That's one of the things that differentiates him from them and part of the reason they seek for his answer to the whole strength=loneliness thing.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Hey! Idk if this is the place to put my thoughts but I love your blog and would love to hear your thoughts on this!

(For background, I’m Greek American from two Greek parents who, for many reasons, did not teach me Greek or expose me to a lot of things from our culture. So most of my experiences with the culture come through my Yiayia, who tells me stories about her younger days in Greece, plays Greek music, and cooks Greek food, but her English is not great and I don’t see her very often, so she can only show me so much)

Going off of what someone said about how cool Percy Jackson would be if the characters had Greek influence or were Greek, I think it would make a lot of sense to have many of the characters go through a diaspora character arc

What I mean by that is that diversity can be shown while still respecting Greek traditions and people. For example, one character might be half Honduran half Greek or a child of black people native to Greece (I forget the name for them but you talked about them in a post once). If Rick Riordan wanted to display a diverse cast, that’s completely fine, because there is no one Greek diaspora experience that encapsulates every Greek diaspora experience due to the natural migration of Greeks around the world. He completely missed an opportunity to talk about the experiences of Greek diaspora and represent the many people who feel disconnected from their culture.

Everyone going to the demigod camp would be an amazing time to show the characters enjoying their Greek heritage (music, food, dances, movies, literature, language learning, traditions, etc.) and their frustration with not learning it sooner. It would be beautiful to see how Greek culture can interact with some of the kids’ other cultures and explore the feelings of third-culture kids. The characters’ relationship with the Greek language could also add so much depth! For example, a character might hear Greek and remember their godly parent singing, or they might hear some traumatic event that happened in childhood. They would all probably have an innate connection with Greek, but they may or may not be fluent, which could allow for an interesting exploration into the unique relationship between Greek diaspora and their mother tongue.

I feel like, even though such explorations would focus on Greek culture specifically, many other ethnic diaspora could relate heavily to it, even if they aren’t Greek! It was such a missed opportunity to represent an EXTREMELY underrepresented experience and to accurately and respectfully represent Greek people.

I could write an essay on this but I’ll stop here. Please don’t feel pressured to put this on your blog I just wanted to write it out and have someone else look at it! You’re doing such good things with this blog, bringing comfort to many diaspora like myself, so please keep up the good work (not to your own detriment, though, please be safe and healthy first)!

Ευχαριστώ Θείτσα!

Γεια σου πουλάκι μου! Να σαι καλά!

Actually this is the most AMAZING idea I've heard for improving the pjo story!!

It was extremely bad that Greeks/Hellenismos of diaspora were excluded from the camp. The world saw just the names of gods and not actual Greek culture. They have no idea how it looks like and thus they can also not guess how it looked like. Not even in the recent series we have such representation, from what I know.

Exploring all the facets of Hellenic diaspora would be such a GREAT thing to see! I can't believe the world missed the chance to see it 😭 Sure one writer is not an expert on all diaspora matters but we are so starved for cultural representation that just the basic stuff would be a big improvement and bring happiness to so many of us.

But also...I invite writers to write the thing themselves, since no one is giving it to us. Again, this is such a great idea και δε θέλω να πάει χαμένη 😁

Feel free to send more messages and asks if you like!

[ladyfluffbutt]

Made a KNY/Demon Slayer OC!

And hey! She's not a demon or a slayer!

Alora Vega DeCeleste

Name Meaning: Dreaming Star of the Heavens

Gender: Female (she/her)

Age: Roughly Over 500 Years (resembles mid 20's)

Height: 5'6" (168cm)

Species: Witch/Forest Spirit

Nicknames: Spirit Witch, Light Witch, Dream Witch, Great Forest Witch, Daughter of Aeon, Child of the Forest of Ages, Starlight, Starshine

Powers: shapeshifting, heightened speed and strength, gelador spellcasting  (singing spells), nitchirin manipulation, emotion sensing, crystal  casting, lightfoot (footsteps don't make noise)

Personality: motherly,shy, warm, protective, loyal, creative, dependable,  empathetic, gentle, humble, anxious, careful, distrusting, introverted  unless around those she's close to

Skills

Medicine/Herbs/Poisons 

common knowledge passed down through the witch bloodlines.

Heliokinetic

Absorbs  and stores energy from sunlight much like nitchirin swords. Relies on  these energy stores for magical power and for protection at night. Can  even absorb sun's reflective energy from full moon but it's not nearly  as much as she gets from normal sunlight.

Sword fighting

Actually  skilled with swordfighting but has an unconventional method of fighting  with one. Uses a nitchirin shortsword that was  specifically forged to  handle her energy, though it does have it's limits.

She  doesn't fight like this at night much because it burns through her  energy stores even quicker than her typical magic casting.

Healing

Can use her energy stores to heal/mend her own wounds and the wounds of others.

Singing

Used for casting spells but also sings to comfort and entertain herself. Will sometimes sing for those shes close to.

Hand-to-Hand

Preferred fighting method along with magic casting

Dream Scape

Ability passed down from mother. Eases nightmares and can even share memories among willing participants

Relationships

Arcus Deiry Rosamel (Goddess of Rainbow Dreams and Honey): Mother 600+yrs *Deceased*

Atsuo Roan Soleil (Kind Little Sun): Alora's twin brother 10yrs *Deceased*

Mina DeEalwode (Little Star of the Old Forest): Sister 9yrs *Deceased*

Arden Daemon DeAmaya (Great Forest Guardian/Spirit of the Heavenly Valley): Sister 8yrs *Deceased*

Eri Akash Atiena (My Guardian of the Sky and Night): Sister, Arden's twin 7yrs *Deceased*

Hesper Nyx (Evening Star of Twilight): Brother 6yrs *Deceased*

Aria DeTheresa Miyako (Song of Summer Nights): Sister 5yrs *Deceased*

Vevila DelKage (Harmony of the Shadow): Sister 4yrs *Deceased*

Hina No Narumi (Light/Sun of the Roaring Sea): Sister 3yrs *Deceased*

Yuuki Tsukiko Khadga (Brave Moon Sword): Brother 2yrs *Deceased*

Quillon Sirius Kometes (Sword of Burning Comets): Brother 9 months *Deceased*

Akari Estelle DeKimora (Brightest Star of the Golden Meadow): Alora's Daughter 5yrs

Fun Facts

Alora doesn't actually know who her biological father is, which isn't unusual  for witches when it comes to having one human parent

Her  memories of her past and family are rather fuzzy and she can't actually  recall the events of their deaths at all. This is due to Aeon's  influence.

She loves making sweets. She pours a bit of magic into them so whoever eats them will start feeling better

Her instant motherly/sisterly nature towards those she meets may be linked to the trauma with her family and childhood

She gets extremely nervous around large groups of people and crowds, especially if they have weapons

Weary of fire. Candles and lanterns are fine but torches make her nervous and bonfires are an absolute NO

Alora  and Atsuo were the ones who took care of their younger siblings. Their  mother was practically useless so it was up to her oldest kids to care  for their siblings. Alora has a lot of resentment towards her for this  when any try to bring up her mother

Alora  loves doing hair and braids. She does Akari's often and it's a big way  for them to bond. They also decorate each others' hair and braids with  jewelry and trinkets. This is a common witch tradition.

While  Alora is typically shy, quiet, and gentle natured, she will absolutely  NOT take any disrespect towards anyone she cares for

She  can be absolutley terrifying when angry. She will loom and stare down  any who anger her. Even the demons she befriends know to steer clear  when shes in a bad mood

Will blow air like an equine and snarl like the spirits she's grown up with

Does  kind things on a whim and doesn't really think about any sort of reward  or gratitude. In fact she gets quite startled when someone tries to  thank her or repay her kindness.

History

Alora has spent the better part of her life (from what she recalls) living  in the forest  surrounding the Swordsmith Villiage under the care and  protection of her father, the forest spirit known as Aeon. She's  cherished by the old being as she is his only daughter amongst his  dozens of sons.

She's been kind and friendly with the children of the village over the  years, often playing with them and telling stories or keeping watch over  them as they played in the forest. Once they grow up though, she becomes  more distant and rarely seen once they're adults. The swordsmiths  understand though and even built her a shrine where they leave gifts and  trinkets for her.

Alora wasn't seen for a time for unknown reasons, but returned within a year. None of the villagers knew what was  going on until some months later when their kids started taking rather  odd things to her shrine as offerings. Little toys, fabric, blankets,  and other odds and ends.

Things were confirmed when one of the villagers saw her taking a late evening stroll with a little bundle in her arms. Needless to say the villagers held a little celebration in honor of the first child of the kind Spirit Witch. None know who the father is but it doesn't seem to matter to her so it doesn't matter to  them. (hint it is one of the Swordsmiths)

First time parenting was rough for Alora despite the help she had from her brothers and Aeon, which isn't much help since they're four legged  equine spirits and can't physically care for or hold a baby. She  eventually did ask one of the elder swordsmiths for advice and he was  more than happy to take her and little Akari under his care. They spent  much time with the old man and a few other trusted smiths until Akari was was 4 and her powers awakened.

She was able to be more independent and care for herself so  the two disappeared into the forest again. Akari was more bold than her  mother and would come into the village every-so-often to visit the old  man who cared for her and check out the other swordsmiths and kids.

Alora  and Akari disappeared again though this time Akari told the old man  that she'd convinced her mother to go out and explore the country a bit.  They'd be back eventually.

Roughly two years later Alora meets Tanjiro and Nezuko…..

[emcant]

Really sick reason to be happy but I can't stop smiling

TW/CW child abuse, mental illness, SH

One of my aunts calls our family "yours, mine, and ours", which is accurate. We've got me, my (step)brother, my dad, my stepmom, and my (half)sister. My brother is seven weeks younger than I am. Our parents got together when we were around four- "work spouses" who were both recently divorced- and our little sister came a few years later.

My bio mom and my brother's bio dad are a mess, somewhere between incapable and unwilling to parent full time. I've been in therapy off and on for most of my life and got my C-PTSD diagnosis at 15. My brother, god love him, just reached his first year of sobriety, having started drinking around the same age.

Naturally, every time we had a chance to say "This isn't normal" to our shared folks, we'd be told "Well of course you'd think that, you're used to your other parent!". The other person was a shovel used for digs: "This isn't their house!". They'd call me by my mom's name when I made them upset.

I assumed I was broken either because of my mom or because of the split. I can't know for certain, of course, but I think the cause of the C-PTSD was specifically that they traded custody daily, at my mom's request, until she moved out of state. She gives the silent treatment. My stepmom screams. The rules changed on me literally every 24 hours until I was 13.

Life evened out a lot when she did move away - but not entirely. I wound up in screamland 90% of the time rather than 50. I couldn't figure out why it didn't feel right or why it kept happening to me, but I believed my folks: I wasn't used to it because my mom's "parenting" is different and worse. I felt sickened to be involved with my mom at all. I thought that if only she wasn't waiting in the wings, I'd be entitled to a normal childhood, but because of her influence, I deserved everything I got.

Anyway, I have been texting my little sister about Christmas gifts for our brother, and out of nowhere, earlier this week, she tells me she's going to therapy for the first time... because she's realized it's not normal for your mom to scream at you literally all day and your dad to not intervene.

I haven't been home for more than three days since I moved out over a decade ago. I had a chance to pass through the town earlier this year, didn't do it, and still had panic attacks for two weeks straight. I can't hack it as someone's daughter; it makes me physically sick.

But that isn't a me problem.

Not a one of them could hack it as parents.

I've stopped hearing my mother's doubts in my head - I cut her off when I moved away. I've never been quite able to shut off my stepmom's. The screamer versus the silence... it fits.

I'm not a poser if I can't create when I don't have a comfortable space to work. I should not self-reject because I'm frightened. In the absence of an abuser, I'm finding that holding ideas in also hurts a lot.

I'm not stupid or useless or gearing up to be a failure for needing the introvert rest period and knowing my limits. It will not hold me back in life.

It isn't normal to want to hurt yourself. It isn't normal for people to laugh it off and talk about themselves when you tell them you want to hurt yourself.

The mandatory insincerity I grew up around has thankfully faded a lot - I don't think I could summarize that anymore if I tried.

I'm heartbroken that my little sister is going to need to learn these things - but ecstatic that she will, and is actively moving towards it. Had a similar conversation with our brother a few years ago, but of course, he has his dad in the wings; it hits differently now knowing that it would have happened no matter what. Children in that home are screamed at, hit, and not defended. Simple as.

I'm not what they wanted me to be.

I'd say that's "fine" but that doesn't even begin to cover it. It's exemplary.

[lizzygrantarchives]

The Guardian, September 4, 2011

After posting one song online, this 24-year-old American singer sold out a London gig in half an hour

We crave a popstar who is authentic, who thrives because of their talent, not PR. So when you stumble across someone like Lana Del Rey – her popularity apparently born online and growing per YouTube click – it's hard not to be sceptical as to whether she's actually too good to be true. Surely it can't be that after posting just one song online, this brand new artist sold out a London gig in half an hour?

"I just put that song online a few months ago because it was my favourite," the 24-year-old American explains. "To be honest, it wasn't going to be the single but people have really responded to it."

"Video Games" – languorous, sinister and cathartic – nails that awful feeling of being ignored by the person you love. "I get very sad when I play that song," says Del Rey, explaining that the inspiration came from more than one past relationship. "I still cry sometimes when I sing it."

"Video Games" also crystallises Del Rey's overall appeal: a doll-like creature, all dark lashes, huge pout and bouffant hair, staring into the camera and singing about undressing for a man who treats her like crap. But somewhere under the vulnerability there is a look in Del Rey's eye that suggests whatever happens to her from now on isn't half as bad as what's happened to her before. Both the song and the hit YouTube video are chilling.

Lana Del Rey – also known as Lizzy Grant –was raised in Lake Placid, a town in New York state close to the Canadian border, which she describes enigmatically as "the coldest place on earth" and which sounds like somewhere David Lynch, who she cites as an influence, would set a TV series.

She is politely reticent about her childhood, mentioning two younger siblings and parents who are "fine" with her being a professional musician. A self-taught guitarist, Del Rey says that hip-hop was her first musical love, specifically Biggie Smalls and Eminem. Later, when she moved to New York to study metaphysics at college – she specialised in "working out whether we could mathematically prove God's existence" – she discovered Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen. After striking up a friendship with the Spanish Harlem-based rapper Princess Superstar and moving to a trailer in New Jersey, Del Rey developed a love of Nirvana, an enthusiasm she still has today.

But her loner status seems to have been shaped at 15, when she went to boarding school. "As a teenager, to be in a place you can't leave is dangerous because if people don't like you, you can't get away from them. Then you might start to think that's the way the world is [always] going to be."

Del Rey reveals herself to be articulate, smart and insightful. But "likes" pepper her sentences; she describes melodies as "super pretty" and her eyes flit girlishly downwards when she talks. She seems to be playing up her youth and describes herself as "Lolita got lost in the hood". Her music does have an innate childlike melancholy to it. But in person the popstar she is most reminiscent of is Lily Allen.

She has been in the music business for a while and previously made an entire album with mega-producer David Kahne, shelved for reasons unclear. Del Rey found success when she started writing her own pop songs, though when asked if she writes alone her voice goes hard and she says: "If there's a man in the room when you write he gets 50%." It's a nearly true indictment of the frosty world of music royalties, but also an indication of her steeliness.

Lana Del Rey isn't exactly garrulous, but always says just enough; though our interview is long and uninterrupted, she raises far more questions than she actually answers. She leaves the impression of someone both shrewd and vulnerable, which combined with the quality of her songs, is not only an intriguing concoction, but feels like the embodiment of genuine star quality.

Originally published on theguardian.com with the headline One to watch: Lana Del Rey.

[creune]

Sometimes people forget to grow up and it shows

I don't mean that people are childish or something like that, I don't mean plushies, cartoons or whatever hobbies people claim to be childish nowadays (I refuse to use social media outside of this one, and I solely use it to rant, ramble and talk when I can't sleep)

I mean like

Actual growth

Like, realizing that certain behaviors are bad and it can hurt them or others around, failing to look at what is and isn't important in favor of the childhood ideation of a "prince charming" or whatever else, not knowing that growing up isn't just getting a job or being tall, but about emotional maturity as well

Specifically, what confuses me today, is people's views on romance, love and relationships

I am probably mostly confused cause I am a demu person who thought was ace for almost two decades so a lot of the stuff like "type" or "down bad for xyz" or the need to have someone

I got lucky, I wasn't even looking at all when I found someone

And I most likely never look for this in my life (and not just because I do believe this relationship is going to last, but because, again, I'm demi, I don't really look for it, I don't feel it unless some heavy criteria is fulfilled called "complete trust and comfort/safety with someone")

But enough about me

Let's talk about everyone else for a moment, and the childlike mentality which I don't think does anyone any good

When people read a lot, watch a lot of shows or consume any kind of media, they tend to get fictional crushes, right?

And it can and does bleed over into what type of people they are attracted to in real life, influencing their attraction to certain characteristics, at least as far as I can tell

Cause this is where the growing up and the looks on romance start to become

Less good

At least, when certain characteristics are unhealthy, toxic, abusive etc.

It came to mind when I had some conversation with some friends who do have a yearning for a partner, one has a potential mate, the other not even that

So some stuff came up and types were discussed

All fine and good, but I have been getting some weird vibes that I just put in the back of my mind cause I had other stuff to deal with at that moment

But I remembered and found it kinda strange

It was about how, not just in fiction but even in real life, they preferred mentally damaged/scarred people

How they found it hot

How someone hurting themselves made that person more attractive to them

Kinda freaked me the fuck out internally, but again, had other stuff on my mind

I do believe that you should want your partner to be happy and comfortable with you, that you should help them and they should help you when it comes to being alright

And I get wanting to help people or giving them comfort, that's one thing

But finding people hurting sexy is another

And the more I notice that trend, of fictional crushes influencing people's tastes, the more I realize that it's pretty common

Which is disturbing to me for, hopefully, understandable reasons

Especially as I see more and more people excuse abusive behavior in fiction because the character doing it is "hot" or they're "just traumatized and it's okay"

And that makes me ask the question "will people excuse this behavior in real life too? Will they think it's okay?"

Apparently the answer seems to be yes

And I don't mean being manipulated into accepting it, but looking at it from the get-go as "hot"

And yeah, I do understand bdsm culture, but in this instance I don't mean that or the kinks where both parties are unharmed long therm like biting or choking or something like that

I am talking about actual, genuine abuse

I truly do worry for those friends

Especially when I can't be sure they're mature enough to understand the difference, that they will be smart enough not to jump into something that hurts them just to have a partner and then believe it not just okay but "hot" when they're being beaten, berated or worse

Because I do believe that some of this stuff at least, is because they haven't matured, haven't grown up yet mentally

They're adults but lack a level of understanding and responsibility

And I don't just say it like because of this, but because of a ton of stuff they did and the ways they acted when I met up with them just a few days ago

Not being able to separate a criticism/opinion of something they like from being told they're hated, not accepting different opinions of something they love, not hearing warnings or ignoring questions that are important to understand, being oblivious when they overstep and refuse to accept no as an answer themselves, splurging on unnecessary things and having to worry about it later on, only thinking of extremes as possibilities

And some specific stuff with the potential partner of one of theirs, which I hope I'm wrong about but I still worry

All you need to know is that this entire friend group is lgbt+ and this potential partner is very much, not too friendly to the group, willing to learn which gives me hope, but only when being spoonfed information and refuses to try to learn by themselves, and just has a pretty different world view from the friend, which is okay to an extent, but considering the context of the friend being part of the group in question, yeah

I think you see my worry there

I call this person a potential mate because they and the friend have not discussed their standing and refuse to until my friend visited their place, on the other end of the country, while their family does not know where they are (that last bit was my friend's own doing but still, this country isn't the safest, my friend should know better)

This person keeps getting banned from the game they play together for being such a toxic ass that they keep being reported for it and the potential mate does not understand why it keeps happening, and is genuinely confused

My friend quoted a message, in a "cute" voice: "I didn't even tell this person to kill themselves, why am I banned" which is just immature in my opinion but also what else will they "not understand"?

And there's some more but you get the jist

No proper communication and established boundaries, with expectations on both end which can be very different expectations

But it's all fine because they're "nice" and "understanding" and, you guessed it "bwokwen uwu"

I don't know details about that but I do believe it's mental health stuff

And a dash of "I want to be with someone, I do not care"

Like

When someone talks about meeting someone they like and the one thing they can bring up as exciting or cool is they will "stop being repressed (read: can fuck finally)"

There's nothing wrong with feeling free, with being able to break out

However when that's the only thing you can think of, I do think that might be a bit too early for a serious relationship

It might just be me tho, as I can't even imagine kissing someone without enough trust, more less hop into a whole ass relationship

My other friend is just truly down bad and believes that anyone that smiles in their direction might be interested in a relationship

Which, in my opinion, is pretty damn stupid

Especially when those people are getting payed for it, like waiters/waitresses and the like

Which is a huge reason why I fear that if anyone gives this friend any attention, they will be way too easy for any abusive asshole to take a hold of them

Plus they are convinced that prisoner/prison guard type romace is actually romantic and that it's all good and that power dynamics don't matter which is especially concerning

But again

I might just not understand romace and crushes and lust and all that

I mean, truly, what do I know?

I've never felt like I had to have someone by my side

Maybe it's just normal behavior and maybe these things are all okay and I'm just completely misunderstanding it

Maybe people really don't talk about the serious future until they have established a proper relationship, or it's normal to think everyone who gives you attention loves you or to believe suffering in real people is still very sexy

Maybe it isn't and I'm right to be concerned

Maybe it's in the middle somewhere

I genuinely don't know

I can't even really imagine what it must be like to yearn for something like that

Like, I wouldn't trade what I have for the entire world, don't get me wrong

I love my partner more than life itself

But, if I never met em, I wouldn't be looking all around for someone to be there

Or if things end, I would just continue life as usual

I can't imagine why people care more about having a partner than their own happiness

Especially from the perspective of having a healthy one, and wondering why people would rather settle than be patient to reach this height of happy

Like

For anyone wondering

The right one definitely isn't gonna beat you, call you names, want you to give up your hobbies, destroy your confidence, invalidate your being or force you to follow through with life-changing decisions, like having kids or moving somewhere specific or whatever

It's more like, life's a carriage you both pull, sometimes one of you will have to pull harder to help out the other, but then the other will do the same for you as well

But as it stands, I swear, all this media about abusers being romanticized and people saying their life is in ruains when they don't have a romantic partner and stuff is rotting everyone's brains and muddying the real life image of actual, true love that everyone deserves but not everyone gets to experience

As long as people can't differentiate between what they find hot in fiction and real life and what is and isn't okay in real life, it's gonna be a fucked up journey for many

[wondereads]

Books I Read in October + Opinions

Ahaha I meant to post this a week ago whoops

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro (9/10)

This is the first of many I read for school. Despite being technically forced to read it, I enjoyed this one! The concept is super interesting, and I liked the writing style. The meandering, stream-of-consciousness writing really serves to enforce the tone of the story. However, I will say that it's pretty unsatisfying at the end. I can let it go somewhat because it's kind of the whole point, but it's still frustrating.

Heaven Official's Blessing Vol. 3 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (9/10)

Xie Lian's backstory is absolutely heartwrenching in this volume, and I know we're far from over. I'm loving the slow burn (on Xie Lian's part) so far! The only reason this isn't a 10 is because Xie Lian's past and present each take up about one half of the volume, and they feel a little disjointed as if they're different stories. Still, I appreciated getting back to the present since it's a little more lighthearted. Hua Cheng interacting with any heavenly officials that aren't Xie Lian is hilarious.

Strike the Zither by Joan He (7/10)

I enjoyed this book, I did! I love political and military fantasy, and this book is a combination of the two with a big emphasis on the strategy side of things. I especially like the main character, Zephyr, who was nuanced, complicated, and a great perspective to read from. However, I can't look past the fact that the pacing is all kinds of off. There's just not enough space for this kind of story. There's a huge plot twist halfway through, and it's not paid even half the attention it should. Still, I'll definitely be reading the next book. Check out my full review here!

The Girl With All the Gifts by M. R. Carey (6/10)

This is another book I read for school. It's another take on the zombie apocalypse, a really good one. After all, it's told from the perspective of one of the zombies. It asks interesting questions about what qualifies as humans and what will replace us once we're gone. So then, why did I give it a 6? Because this book is painfully written by a man. Of the five perspectives, the three female ones are perfectly fine. The men, however, won't shut up about masturbation and porn and whatnot. It pulled me out of the story and just grossed me out overall.

Beguiled by Cyla Panin (8/10)

This is actually the first partnership with an author I did! I did a reading vlog with it and everything Still, I can promise you this is my personal, honest opinion. I enjoyed reading this book; a lot of research went into the weaving aspect, and I loved the way the main character used lots of weaving metaphors. I also really like the Irish folklore influences, but I wished there had been more about the world, specifically the political climate. It was slow to start, but we got there! Check out the reading vlog here!

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation Vol. 3 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (10/10)

This volume was very backstory heavy, but it still had me giggling and kicking my feet. Look, they are very cute! Yes, there is all sorts of tragedy and horrendous corruption stuff going on. Do I care? Kind of, but not really. There was tons of character development in this volume, and I think it ended on the perfect note for the fourth one.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett (5/10)

Yet another book I read for school. This is a childhood classic, but it also means a lot of stuff went over my head. Such as the vitriolic racism and classism, which is present throughout the entire book. I have to say, it really impacted my enjoyment; I couldn't stop thinking about throwaway lines that basically amounted to certain people being inherently better and more civilized than others. I don't think I'll be rereading this one anytime soon.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (10/10)

It is my firm belief that this book is one of the best dystopian novels ever written. It addresses a plethora of issues in a way that is serious but understandable for teenagers. Also, it doesn't fall into the black-and-white worldview that other famous dystopian novels (i.e. 1984) fall into. People from the Districts can be awful and corrupt, and people from the Capitol can grow and be kind. Katniss is a stupendous main character, and the political atmosphere for the future books is perfectly set up. Check out my review here!

Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones (10/10)

This is the third time I've read this book in a year and a half, and I still had the time of my life. This time around was a bit more analytical, and I especially noticed a lot of Jones' family life reflected in this story. I love Diana Wynne Jones' writing, and Sophie is one of my favorite protagonists ever. Her no-nonsense attitude is exactly what I love in a heroine, and I love her and Howl's dynamic. The side characters really shine, especially Calcifer, who is a fan favorite for good reasons. Check out my review here!

Shades of Rust and Ruin by A. G. Howard (8/10)

A. G. Howard is one of my favorite authors; I love her writing style, and she does great retellings. I really liked Nix, the main character, and I loved the worldbuilding, which meshed traditional faerie lore and steampunk aesthetic. However, this book is strikingly similar to another book of hers, Splintered. So much so that I was actually waiting for elements to line up with each other (which they often did). It was really entertaining, but I just can't get over that, so it's rating dropped a bit. Check out my review here!

Where the Mountain Meets the Moon by Grace Lin (9/10)

This was a really sweet children's book; I can't believe I've never read it before! It pulls a lot from Chinese mythology and culture in both physical items and creatures and ideological themes. The illustrations are beautiful and clearly inspired by traditional Chinese art. The message is sweet and pushed in a way that will get through to children but doesn't feel like it's being forced down my throat. A lovely book!

The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik (10/10)

I could not have asked for a better conclusion to this series. I was in great distress half the time, but that feels about par for the course while reading The Scholomance. El and Orion's story came to a beautiful close while answering all the questions yet to be answered about the magical world. The message is lovely, one that isn't often told in adult fantasy. It destroyed me, and I am very happy about it. Go read The Scholomance trilogy.

Bonus! November TBR

The theme this month, in honor of NaNoWriMo and my attempt to write a fantasy novel, is classic fantasy (+ some ARCs and overflow from previous TBRs)

Le Morte D'Arthur by Sir Thomas Malory

The Serpent's Shadow by Mercedes Lackey

A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. LeGuin

The Queen of the Tearling by Erika Johansen

His Majesty's Dragon by Naomi Novik

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Arrows of the Queen by Mercedes Lackey

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice

Song of Silver, Flame Like Night by Amelie Wen Zhao

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett

Damsel by Evelyn Skye

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsin Muir

[honeysuckle-venom]

So unlike most people I know, I am for the most part physically healthy. I do not, as far as I know, have any underlying physical health problems except anemia and some recurring skin problems.

But. I'm a little worried that's not actually true. For several years now whenever I've gotten blood tests my white blood count has been elevated, indicating inflammation/infection of some kind. But I've always felt fine, so we've ignored it. But the hematologist ordered a test for something that specifically measures inflammation called c-reactive protein. And my results came back today and it's elevated. Very very elevated. The reference range for the test is between 0 and 5, mine is 105. And I've gotten this test before throughout the years and it's never been below 60, though it's always been written off before as due to a temporary infection I guess. His office called first thing this morning and told me I needed to schedule an appointment with my PCP about it, so I did. She and I are talking at 5 and I'm sure the main thing she'll say is I need to get more blood tests.

I'm just worried bc that and my white cell count have both been elevated for years, which could point to an autoimmune disease. And my mom has an autoimmune disease. As does pretty much everyone else I know. And I...don't want one? The thing is I don't really have other autoimmune symptoms? I'm tired a lot, but I'm also anemic and have the Mental Illness, both of which cause fatigue. And I get sick more than most people, and have some mild ongoing stomach problems and whatever. It's like my body is always the tiniest bit off? But not in any big way, and I don't have pain or anything. I figured that was all just from chronic stress and the Mental Illness TM. Which like, physical illnesses like autoimmune disorders are often also heavily influenced by childhood trauma and chronic stress so it's not like that can't be true even if there is some underlying something, but my point is I never thought there was an underlying anything. Idk. Maybe it's nothing but...these kinds of numbers seem to be likely to indicate some kind of something. And I don't really want there to be a something. I guess we'll see.

[alphaofdarkness]

not me here for the oc ask ! can't wait to answer the ones you asked me, tomorrow i have my exam and then i shall live again haha ! but now i'll ask you 1, 2, 17, 18, 19, 20 and 31 — i know, it is a lot ( you don't have to do them all 💕) , but i really want to know something more about your wonderful babies and Dany ofc ! I missed her sm during this semi-hiatus 🤧💕💕💕 hope you're doing fine, sending you lots of love 💞💕💘

@carmenio Edgy!! 🥺 so happy to hear from you! ✨ I love these kinds of asks, especially on my many, many OC babies! I hope these answers are good and interesting to thee! I’ll present more info on Dany to some way, some how cause I love her 😭💖

I have gone and included the other questions you asked as well! 🤗 Let’s dive in! 😳

1. Gone and Answered Here ! UwU

2. Do you have a personal favorite among your OCs?

Personal favorite is often shown in the one I draw the most lol, which for a long time was Danielle LWW, but just because she was also my wolfsona at the time. After I made my own personal one I think I went onto Sam for a good while, also eventually going to Dany from Bsd!

So a tie between two beautiful girls, Sam is definitely my favorite LWW Oc, she is just precious and the one I hold the most and most always feel terrible and bad when I put her through it TM. 

Also Dany is my self insert, U//w//U, she has definitely allowed me to slowly self love and allow me to appreciate myself, especially the parts of me I didn’t think to much about or consider so appealing, I think? She has definitely been changing gradually into more of myself since I first came up with her almost 2 years ago! Watch me slowly knock her down to my height of 4′9″, let her have her 3 inches for another year maybe lol.

My dearest Atsushi agrees lol ✨🐯

17. Any OC OTPs? 

👀 lol yesss~ so many and so many crack ships too, which I'll answer next 😂

I’ll just go on and list them off, plenty more of them but~:

DanyJay

SoraYama

LidiaTom

AlikLucy

IsabelleKayla

AlexanderIsabelle

DarkwolfmonJatomon

JatamonRaiwolfmon

EarthamonHounmon

HumaamonWolverimon

And lastly TakaSam is the one I have definitely drawn and thought of the most! They are the top OTP and just best trope of Childhood Friends to Lovers trope, also filling in that trope of Oblivious to both of them but everyone else 🙄. While SoraYama may have been the OG Couple in my story, my love and warmth for TakaSam is unmatched TwT.

It is wild cause I always draw anguish between them as could-have-been-lovers-had-it-not-been-for-death, but recently been drawing them purely happy and content. Total sweethearts, the love everyone wants, excluding possibility of being old friends or not!

18. Any OC crackships?

L o l, I never seem to focus on the main couples because of this specific thing.

I’ll again just go off in list an maybe add a trope or something to get an idea of them:

DanyYama: Rivals, Constantly arguing, and can be petty as heck, but oh the potential and just possibility of opening up after the traumaTM 👀 also the couple that is always in your face about being in a relationship.

DanySora: Sparing partners, the sass and stubbornness, BiPan solidarity 👀

DanyLidia: Pure, wholesome, best friends and so much hugging and lifting from the tol to smol, the nature love vibes

SamJay: Wholesome, soft, healing together from traumaTM, protectiveness, also their Digimon were lovers and married in their previous life, what does that make us? 😳

SamDany: Mostly sibling-like relationship, but damn they have that Sun and Moon tropes?! How can you not possibly ship them!

SamLula: Shy and Confident, Bisexual/Lesbian solidarity 💕✨

JaySora: Opposite of the DanyYama tropes, why are our partners constantly arguing, can they please stop, pure and soft together.

DanyTaka: Digimon Au specifically, Oh you and I are the voice of the revolution? We are rallying up the troops together? Oh boi my Digimon feels love for yours, am I falling for you or are we falling together? Depression buddies but also each others hope and spirit boost ;;w;;

Any of the Warriors with the Sins: A whole lo t of mess, and just not healthy ... but I can already seen fandom people sayin g otherwise~

LustWrath: Spicy, no strings attached kind of deal.

WrathEnvy: ...Oof um, not healthy, kind of manipulative, we are devils there is nothing but toxic vibes.

PrideWrath: Rulers, King and Queen vibes, Yeah we are toxic for each other, f*** off.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Definitely Darkwolfmon! I am sure I explained in the first question why, but again I consider her to be that other half of me, the part of me I never discovered or the parts that essentially fill in the gaps within me. She is my precious partner Digimon and has honestly come a long, long way since I first created her. I believe sometime in 2009-2010, so almost 11-12 years since. She was the first ever OC of mine and is one I hold closest too in my heart.

For the longest time, even too now, I have always wanted her to just manifest at my side. Go on this journey of life together. While she might not be physically here like my child-self would want, she is still in my stories, my imagination, my inspirational drive. I think that is definitely more than enough, I don't know where or who I would be without having created her. I probably wouldn’t have a whole tale of OC’s and stories to tell if it wasn't for her. 

I am more than grateful and thankful that I am who I am because of this lovely Oc of mine. I can only hope to have her at my side for the rest of my days!

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

Most, if not all, my OC’s can sing! Their voices and tones vary, to which I cannot give a straight answer on how I headcanon most of their voices right now ^^; I will say that Danielle has a British accent to her voice as well as Spanish speak, and Sora has a Russian accent to her voice, so may be just lightly deep, but not to much.

I will definitely go with my Bsd Oc/Self Insert Danielle Mika Mason, however! Because I have gone and done a thing on how she would speak in her Japanese and English Dub! Other than me also being her voice, her Japanese VA would be Yui Ishikawa, same VA of the queen herself, Mikasa 💕 English VA would be Barrett Wilbert Weed, with an English accent, good Veronica from the Heathers! You can have a listen to her here in this post! 

Dany is meek when it comes to her singing, she will often be caught humming and softly singing something, but quickly tends to stop around others. She is often back and forth with how she sounds and often shuts down when she hears someone she considers better than her. She just needs some encouragement and a gentle push from someone she really cares about. When she does feel the push and genuineness from someone she will sing her heart out. But of course prefers to sing for only that one special person~ can ya guess~ 🐯

31.  Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really).

Oh boi! I literally have moodboards to add to this! I pick Samantha, or Sam! 

She would totes have a Tumblr blog, and Instagram! You always look forward to see what she post and just feel an instant calmness and warmth when you see it! She is always tagging her things appropriately, a soft and warm spring like layout that is shades of yellows, golds, orange, white; an occasional blue and teal as well! She would reblog anything of her aesthetic, golds, yellows, dance and ballet related things (may even post videos or poses of herself in practice and dance related things), cafe shops, sweets and desserts, warm night lights, cats, lots and lots of cats and felines of all shapes and sizes! Her best friend/boyfriend, Takaru always cameos in her stories and posts 💖

She would also reblog or spread awareness of any issues happening in the world, marking them and making her own voice heard as well. In spur moments, you may see her not tag things, but will likely go back to name things accordingly. She would also reblog anything of Bi Pride too!

28. Your most dangerous OC? 

Hmmm,,, my most dangerous Oc, I am taking the notion that they are just plain dangerous and likely of evil intent in their actions. Because plenty of my Oc’s on their own are dangerous in their own right, such as the Legendary Wolf Warriors, who have a great power at their paws. They can be destructive in their actions if they lose control or use it for the wrong intentions, which they wouldn't do of their free will. 

I will say Danielle and Sam are the strongest of the seven, because of their powers of Darkness and Light, respectively. Their souls created the others, so the other Warrior’s power does not match theirs. They can definitely be lethal together if used for the wrong reasons or if they are under the control of a Human or Deadly Sin.

Which leads me to say that the most dangerous of my OC’s with the worst intentions and evil thought processes that makes them dangerous is likely the Deadly Soul Sin Pride, or Mikka Penelope King/Pride as her solid name goes. 

She is definitely the most sinister of the seven sins, even worse than Wrath, who you may figure would be the worst. She has a calculating mind and is very precise in her actions and ways of manipulation. She has a poison within her veins that is just as deadly, capable of blinding others or even killing without remorse or care. While she may be a ghost like entity in my stories, a person/digimon holder in my Digimon College Au, she has enough power to influence people to fall under pride and vanity in the most dangerous level possible, heck even possess them if she wishes. That makes her stronger, as well as the other sins. Does not matter if she is dead or fades away for a while, her influence remains and if it does, than she can exist for a long as she desires.

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

Lol I saw cinnamon roll and instantly had a list of ocs ready, honestly any child OC I have is instantly a cinnamon roll and to good and put for this world, please treat them all kindly!

Current top Oc’s that come to mind are Haruko Mason-Nakajima, along with their nameless sister/pup! They are the sweetest babies ever and love them so much. Too good and pure, especially nameless pup with her love for tigers; she wants to grow up and be like her sibling and papa 🥺🥰  You can see the post on them here!

Next up is my precious flamey boi named Alik Azure Mizuhara! A next gen. LWW, son of Sora and Yamato! A little sightless boi with the softest heart and warmest empathy for others. Very much like his mother in likeness and pure curiosity of the world’s secrets and tales. His father worries for him a lot, but gradually learns to trust in his ability to guide himself. Don’t worry too much about him, he is very smart and knows how to care and guide himself!

Thank you so much for the time and questions you asked me Edgy! I had so much fun with these and gave me a chance to gush about my dearest OC’s! I do hope you find them of interest! 🤗🥺🥰

May your day be beautiful and amazing!! 🥰✨💖

[offbeat-manga-ships]

okay, i hope this doesn't come off as rude, but do you have a tag for specifically underage/adult age gaps? or do most of the age gaps you post fall under this category so you don't see a need to add it? i love your blog (it's lovely how organized you are!) but underage/adult is something i can't stand seeing, despite the fact that i'm a super big ran of age gaps. so i was hoping to just blacklist it and follow, but if you don't have a tag for it that's fine too, it's your blog.

Hello! Don't worry, you don't come off as rude at all. I guess I never considered it indeed because simply a lot of manga involve teenage protagonists. I just unconciously decided not to tag any triggers because the blog is already one giant trigger warning itself from the description and to be honest, I'm not sure how to proceed knowing that there are a lot more of minutiae that might affect people.

What I mean is, the underage thing is a lot less straightforward than you would think, because: do you mean western age of consent (or more specifically, American; since in my country, for example, it's a couple years younger)? Japan's age of consent? Or Japan's age of majority where you can start drinking and stuff? (Which is 21, iirc. Actually, I don't know for sure if they ended up changing this year to 18 or not). Do I tag it even in stories where they meet earlier than the AoC (or AoM) and spend some time interacting in that stage, but only get together after it? Does that goes also for couples like Tomoe and Nanami in Kamisama Hajimemashita where she is a teenager and he is a centuries old fox spirit who is so close to looking like a teenager he can go to her school no problem? (Ah, the age old Twilight dilemma.)

What even consists romantic interactions for me to judge that? Both the turning point of where you can read something as romantic and the transition from childhood to teenagehood to adulthood are all kind of foggy and difficult to pinpoint, so bottom line is: I suppose, to be on the safe side, I could tag couples where an adult is involved with someone who's younger than 21 years old. But that does seem to have some blindspots. For example, Kyoko and Ren from the manga Skip Beat! are respectively 16 and 20. Both are younger than 21 (eventually he does have a birthday, though. But, spoiler, they're not even together yet), but that seems like it could tick some people off all the same. I know a lot of westerners are set on the threshold being 18, but not only that's not universal (and not even what goes on my country), that doesn't even seem to be a dead set foolproof way for so many people who like to use the P word just because the age has the word "teen" in it (I've seen so many Rey/lo shippers from the star wars fandom for example being called that when Rey is 19 years old). How big the age gap is and in what stages they are on their lives also seems to hold a lot of influence in what triggers people and what doesn't, and that's honestly even more difficult to ascertain.

And I'm sorry for making this longer than it needs to, but this just got me thinking: where do I draw the line about what tags I decide to use as courtesy for some followers' comfort when I'm well aware just keeping track of the ones I am currently using are kind of a handful already? I'm saying this because of course I would love for you and anyone who has any interest at all to follow and interact etc, and I sure would love for my blog to not trigger anyone who would gladly be here if it weren't just for "that minor thing" (which... can include so many more things). Do I do this now because you're the one of the first to ask (like some others could also be, following you) and stop later if it becomes too much? Do I make the commitment to keep adding and adding? Or do I simply stick to what I had unconsciously decided (to make it clear from the get go that anyone who interacts can see x, y and z upsetting things that aren't individually tagged and warn to proceed with caution on their own)?

I know this is just going and going and damn, you just asked a simple question, but now the true bottom line is that you've given me a difficult thing to think about and decide and I'm not even more close to get there than I was when I started writing this. In any case, whether I decide on a simple hard rule or not, I still think it would not be completely 100% safe for you due to all those loopholes I mentioned. Very slippery stuff. As much as I would love to have you, this blog is probably something that involves way too much of something you can't stand for me to give my word that you wouldn't see it.