#which is good bc i hate people percieving me

[moonshynecybin]

literally marc and devotion topic of alllllll time... wld love to hear all ur thoughts...

Okay your post got me on this and it is beautiful!!!!!!! essential scholarship…

like marc has never liked anything or anyone casually in his LIFE!!! i am. constantly thinking about this lol i think its a load-bearing aspect of his personality. idk like professional sports is already such a chaotic whirlwind of travel and media barrage and commodification of your person that it means you really need those big pillars in your life to ground you… and marc chose a lot of those people from a pretty young age. i mean his best friend is his brother. he cried about leaving his team all weekend in valencia he looooooves them. only way he was remotely okay leaving that team even to win was if he was going to the garage next to alex lbr. and he still maintains he might come back. 

and one big theme from all the motogp journo’s podcast and stuff i listen to is how kind of removed from the rest of the paddock and weird marc is. very good at holding everyone at arms length. not reallyyyy good friends with the other drivers. withholds in a very deliberate way. please consider this hilarious photo of him hanging out with joan mir and ignoring his ass to talk to his brother. like for example fabio loves marc! but marc likes fabio. hes still nice! hes friendly! hes not. well forgive me he is not going to anyones house in the offseason. anymore. wonder why.

hes just… so selective with this devotion and so complete with it. its an exclusive little club but he would die for them all…. never lost anything he didnt leave clawmarks on. including racing! he just cant except a reality in which the things he loves are absent from him he finds it intolerable. which is a big part of why i dont really believe him when he says he’s over his and vale’s epic breakup. I think he wants everyone to BELIEVE he is over it bc itll lead to less questions about it and well. my man marc only likes being percieved on his own terms and the sepang incident was something decidedly not on his own terms. and he hates showing his soft little underbelly about it. I think his little docuseries are very much coming from a place of discomfort wrt to how the inability to define his own narrative happened with all that. and also so he can tell the world he is Over valentino Please Stop Asking. so.

[shwarmii]

'i dont think Ares physically abuses his kids, mostly because i dont think he is present enough in any of his kids' lives to find a fucked up "reason" to hit them (i would not be surprised if the flinch and whatnot was from a sparring match gone too rough the last time they met tho)' Ares as that 'coach' dad who realizes their kid's failing at something and makes them do it over and over again while yelling until they 'finally get it right' makes a lot of sense.

The dad who's not abusive he's helping his kid succeed, he's teaching them what they need to know in this world, doing his job to train them up right.

Even if he's had them running wind sprints til they throw up because they lost a foot race to one of the unclaimed demigods.

this ask is referencing this post

lmao close, but that would imply that he was present in his kids' lives, which he wasnt (also, what youre describing is abuse. that is considered an abusive practice for coaches/drill sergeants/whatnot to do, that is considered an abusive punishment. its just also not Ares hitting his own kids, which i understand is what you meant, no worries lmao) but i do think you have the right idea! like Book!Ares would probably be upset about losing "battles" he percieves as important enough that a child of his losing would be considered a slight against him personally. my intent had been to imply "something affectionate of Book!Ares, like a friendly spar, probably would not have felt friendly". bc i dont think Ares would have let his kids win or gone easy on them (which can be a good thing and a bad thing. his kids are at constant risk of death through virtue of just... being a demigod, so giving them false confidence is bad. but also tearing their confidence apart would also be bad. i think for this Ares, the idea of letting his kids win would hurt his pride so he wont allow it. which makes it a lose-lose no matter what. i mean. this is the guy willing to fully square up against 12 year-old Percy Jackson afterall. again, age and relationship dynamics dont mean much to Book!Ares at any rate)

if i could have my own ideal Ares depiction in a book series, he'd be a good dad, at least a decent one. for reasons that would be a huge tangent for me to get into rn. but, alas, i did not write "Percy Jackson". so, we have what we have in Book!Ares and we will have what we have with Show!Ares. which, again, i do think is fine. all the gods have to be p shit people/parents in order for Kronos to convince so many kids (claimed and unclaimed) to come to his side, like they have to be inattentive if nothing else (which is why i resent a bit that Apollo is being backpedaled into a good dad. like. nah, Dionysus makes sense to make into a good/decent dad due to his exile demanding he be present in his kids' lives; and the Big Three, primarily Hades and Poseidon, being attentive makes sense because they barely have any kids these days; and the minor gods being good parents now thay they can openly claim their kids without fear of consequences for themselves/said kids also makes sense. but the remaining gods of the main 12 (so 12 minus the Big Three minus Hera, minus Aretmis = 7 remaining gods) have to ALL not be good in order to perptuate that whole toxic mindset of "glory = godly parental attention". i could understand the godly parents becoming better parents if they were in similar situations as Dionysus, like if Percy forced the gods to be more present in their kids' lives. which would, as i assume, change their personalities some as, like with the whole "our personalities change because we moved from Greece to the USA" enviromental bit would also imply the people they surround themselves with change who they are

(tho. uh. Greece was very famously bad to women. like. it legitimately sucked to be a woman in Ancient Greece, with the exception of MAYBE Sparta. theres a reason why people joke "yeah, the Ancient Greeks were cool with gay sex, not bc they were progressive, but bc they hated women that much". like their politics didnt allow women v many rights, if any, the most rights given being to women in Sparta but still. also they had a fucked up idea of "love" as a type of "uncontrollable insanity", it was legitimately described like an illness, which in retrospect explains all the SA in their legends (tho i am glad we do have some healthy depictions of love here and there). so. toxic masculinity did definitely exist there. i could talk ad nauseam about the debatability of how much toxic masculinity was in Greece and how much is it us projecting tho. think of Dr Emily Wilson. anyway, i digress. my point here has been "toxic masculinity/sexism existed there in sizable amounts, why should it change Ares so much now that he's in the USA"? to which the answer is: Riordan was an English teacher who was a hobbyist of Ancient Greek lore that went with what was in the public's pop culture osmosis knowledge of Ares at the time. its very recently that we have begun to question if that osmosis was correct. anyway.)

so, in the sense that who they are around will apparently change their personality: being consistently around their kids who just want good parents could force the godly parents to become good parents? its a stretch but i would accept it, personally, for the cathartsis wish-fulfillment of kids in shitty situations getting at least one good parent. which, many kids dont get to have at least one good parent (much less two or more good parents). think "Turning Red" and how it reflects a realistic mother/daughter dynamic that is unhealthy but morphs into a moment of reconciliation and cathartsis; giving us an example to strive for on what is healthy/how you should be treated and look up to for both child and parent's references. lots of kids will never get to have what Mei did, but it is so nice to feel that cathartic wish-fulfillment. and i would be so down for same that kind of cathartic wish-fulfillment to happen in "Percy Jackson" with its godly parents to the point that i truly would not mind that aforementioned stretch of logic it would take to get there. alas. (but that doesnt happen sO, RIORDAN, STOP BACKPEDALING AND TRYING TO MAKE APOLLO A LOVING FATHER, HE'S ONE OF THE SEVEN GODS THAT HAVE TO BE P SHITTY AND APOLLO WAS NOT INITIALLY INTRODUCED AS A VERY GREAT FATHER ANYWAY. but i digress). so i can accept Ares having to be a bad dad in order for the plot/war to make sense, in order to have representation that abused kids can grow/be happy in spite of their trauma, in order to show the problems with toxic masculinity in a father figure as well as shining a light on "hey, this is so prevelant in America that it became part of at least one of the gods' personalities", and so on. but i do want to make it clear that i dont like it. but one of the first things drilled into me in college-level English critiques is "it's not about what YOU would do if this was your story, its about the story in front of you and what the author wanted to achieve. have your criticisms be based on that, not on something that wasn't going to happen". so like, for Riordan's purposes? making each of those 7 godly parents bad parents in a different way is good writing that makes sense for his plot to work, and Ares being a bad godly parent in a rough and tough way makes sense. like, Athena is patronizing and thinks she is always right, meaning she doesn't listen to her kids. Aphrodite is emotionally manipulative to the point of being abusive and scary to her kids. and Hermes is so busy that he can't really be present for his kids, no matter what he feels personally, and then additionally feels like he is not allowed to interact with them directly when he does have free time. and Dionysus, the most present parent due to his exile, is shitty to all his kids' camp-friends by proxy, at minimum, which is very alienating if nothing else (again, we dont get to directly see him parent at all so far into the series that ive read. so idk how else he is a bad parent. probably is overprotective after having buried so many of his own kids this whole time? who knows). all of them are/have to be bad parents in their own ways (again, for the plot to work if nothing else) and it makes sense of Ares to be bad in THIS way

but yeah! that was just a very long-winded way of saying "if Book!Ares was more present to care about smaller things like foot-races or if this was something he cared about that was bigger than a regular foot-race, then yeah! youre right, he would be like that. because he kind of has to be". im just waffling about Ares' characterization bc i do agree with you but i just also wish Book!Ares didnt HAVE to be this way in order for the plot to work (and i am mentally slapping Riordan's hand anytime he tries to backpedal on what i distinctly remember as his original characterization of Apollo in the first series. bc if those 7 gods all have be different types of bad parents for the war plotline to work, then Apollo does not get special treatment to get to retroactively have been a good dad the whole time afterall). i am not excited to see show!Ares, but i am excited the whole thing about "Clarisse will never be enough because she is not his son" thing implies Clarisse will be on-screen more. and, again, i do super respect the decision to do this to Book!Ares' character. the representation aspect of a child of fatherly abuse still being able to grow/find happiness is also important (tho im personally just not excited to see as the "abuse" part of the representation as someone who is a child of fatherly abuse. but i will admit it is important! and it is good representation to have!)

and i do just LOVE Clarisse and will gobble up any crumbs of her im given. i really hope the show gives her (and Chris too! bc that is her future boyfriend lol) more screentime ♡

but yeah, to circle back, youre right on your chatacterization of him! and im glad you like how i understand and interpret Book!Ares to be like ♡♡♡ thanks for the Ask ♡

[rin-and-jade]

Heya. Just wanted to see if you have any advice for a polyfragmented system really struggling with feeling fake bc of splitting a lot of alters at once? Pur host is so super distressed because he feels Like we are subconsciously faking DID or twisting symptoms of another health issue to fit being a system.

Some encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated.

--wildwood and co

Well, im going to say that everyone don’t have the same tolerance in handling stress (usually the cause of splits and whatnot) and that makes perfect sense because everyone has their own little spectrum, which includes you. Be it a person who is at the lowest spectrum possible, the middle, or the highest,, people who have yet tried to accept the way it is tend to say things like “it’s not bad enough” or “it feels bad enough that it looks fake because I don’t think it works that way” with no end.

Trying to justify by saying it’s fake, it’s not bad, it’s something else,, might make you end up a bit worser than where you had started because this feeling you have in your gut that just doesn’t sit right with all of those doubts and people’s experiences is still in there scuffing you in and out. Convincing ourselves that we’re faking an illness also doesn’t make the illness go away because if we really ARE faking it would’ve just went away.. as we wished. And that’s what is keeping us in a spiral.

Now i know this doesn’t feel like a positive encouragement but nevertheless im trying to say what’s the truth in the best way, minimum sugar coating, straight to the point and got some good answers. Some people don’t like it covered in glitter especially me, but people do like advices unlike something that’s taken out of google, so im writing three steps for you here;

Acceptance: first off, most important, try to stop denying it (thinking its fake) and see what happens. It feels bad for a moment, but it makes you a bit free doesn’t it? Let me tell you mine: i kept convincing myself i am all fine, all good, im a good person im not bad,, those things and the next second it contradicts itself every 5 fucking seconds. Because everyone isn’t immune to problems, neither about not percieved as a bitch in someone’s eyes because there’s always those people who hates peaches even if you taste the best. And when i started telling myself i have some bad parts it feels like seeing in a new perspective of the situation.

2. Grey thinking: acceptance is the first step to eliminating most of the problems we have be it denial and whatnot. But if you still think in extremities that will push you down the hole hard, we need to comprehend the middle area, again using my anecdote before where i scale myself either “bad” and “good”,, that seem so hard to comprehend and categorize the real perspective so by having the middle, as “i am good because i care about people and im also bad because i tend to be selfish” really puts me on a sweet spot where i don’t get distressed and tunnel vision. Now we are closer to being healthier in thinking.

3. Profit!: once we got the self acceptance and grey thinking down, we got ourselves an easy way to prevent another relapse of thoughts (the “oh god am i faking?!”). This is where people can have a better time using their mental capacity for healing the damaging mindset or learning how to cope better (splitting less) and i call that a win. Last advice is that we should never give this monster the food it wants (your negative thoughts to spiral down) so sometimes we can just ignore it, what gives,, im a bad person? Probably in a temporary moment all good. And it’ll actually go away by itself, with every thoughts easier to handle.

With a decent amount of practice, this shall no longer be a problem, so go get ‘em tiger.

- j

[gaypleasantview]

🍕⚽🔮🐶❤️🌈 forrrr cassandra goth & johnny smith :)

ooohhh this is amazing, thank you so much! <3 <3

Cassandra is my #1 baby while Johnny is not yet very developed in my head but i really dig his Vibes so this will be a really interesting thing to do! disclaimer: i haven't played the ds game yet (i knowingly got a broken ds and idk how to fix it lol) so whatever dead inside business Johnny has there i'm not aware of it

🍕: Pizza Topping

for some reason Cassandra just makes me think immediately that she would like hawaiian pizza because she's a menace like that (im kidding, i actually love pineapple on pizza do with that what you will, though i dont eat meat so i havent tried an actual hawaiian pizza but i can imagine that this is an enjoyable combination so i support Cass)

Johnny, on the other hand, probably likes some extremely basic-ass pizza like pepperoni

⚽: Sport they like or play

sports 🤢 realistically thinking both of them probably have played something but idk anything about sports so i cant tell what lol. although my heart says 'Cassandra stop this is not you' she would probably genuinely enjoy a sport. ugh. and Johnny 100% skates for a living

🐶: Pet or favorite Animal

Cassandra loves and has cats! (and talks to them since she's a witch) she's had a birman cat since she was a kid but that baby is pretty old now so she lives with someone her age group (Mortimer) after Cass moved out from the family house. pretty sure Cass also has a cat familiar but i have no concept for it now, i'm really excited though because i've downloaded this mod that makes the familiars spawn looking like random cat breeds so this is gonna be a real surprise :)

Johnny strikes me as someone who has a pet tarantula, however he's probably also the person that comes into people's houses just to annoy their small pets like womrats and parrots. also i think he has a dog! who wouldn't with that lawn

🌈: Sexuality

i don't remember if i had a specific label for Johnny but i would say they're probably omni (like me)! and polyamorous, of course. they also have a very beautiful, fluid and unique gender identity, and i'm sure it affects the way he experiences attraction in cool ways!

Cassandra, on the other hand, is pretty distanced from romance, which is affected both by her sexuality and her serious trust issues. at this point in time i believe she's grayromantic and allosexual with a heterosexual lean, in a sense that she identified as heterosexual most of her life but then realized she has attraction towards feminine-presenting people as well. i would say she's unlabeled, but definitely polysexual and -romantic? honestly all of this is just describing my journey of how i have percieved her through years and now im just as confused about her as she is lol

❤️: OTP

i feel like the JOR trio is literally canon so it's hard to imagine any other options for Johnny but i have to admit i have an extremely soft spot for Tank x Johnny bc i do believe Tank is actually a very good and soft soul... i also obviously have a thing for this type of trope and that's a bit shameful in a way but i believe i can execute it nicely so that it's not gonna be toxic and make me hate myself!

as for Cassandra, lol you tell me... having her as almost an OC of mine for 14 years (bigger part of my life) made me really lost because i've had too many different opinions on that through years 😭 one thing i can say for sure and it's forever gonna be like that is that Johnny Burb is her soulmate for life and there's not a chance anything could actually change that (and trust me, it will look like it did). when i created them they started out awkward acquaintances but then divine intervention in my head turned them into best friends, at some point i started shipping them romantically in a very hardcore way but working on my story this year kind of made me realize i actually think sibling dynamic fits them WAY better so i'm sticking to that for now, it's also a very good brain exercise for me (and honestly anyone probably) to see a ship with good romantic potential remain solely platonic soulmates! okay, but if we're speaking romantic attraction, i'm gonna throw in an easter egg as a thank you for reading my essay and tell you that i actually really like the idea of Cassandra having a thing with Jennifer (the latter being unusually shy when they're interacting, hehe cute). but this is all in development at this point because the past few days my brain has been in flames over thinking about Burbs' relationship 😭

🔮: Something Random

Cassandra has ADHD, yes this is a self insert but what do i ever do that's not one? when i just started developing her character she was this snarky 16-turning-17 bitch that was the only working brain in her family and i never looked back, she is amazing i love her

Johnny in my head is an absolute fashion icon that just wears all the colors and shapes and random things that just look so high fashion on them, also i see him as very calm and kind and it's hard to even imagine him lose his temper 😭 they kinda have the vibe of this person in school that has the best grades and they help everyone very patiently and put all of them into explaining things to others, you know what i mean, that is definitely Johnny. he looks like a rebellion but he's lawful good at heart (possibly an unintentional self-insert as well)

phew, big thanks to anyone who reads this! it was a whole lot of fun to write, im really excited and happy! asking me about Cass is like opening a pepsi bottle that had a good shake beforehand and now it's leaking everywhere because i'm obsessed and rightfully so. Johnny ily too i promise im gonna invest more brain power into Strangetown after im done yassifying the Pleasantview

[leyyvi]

You don’t have to answer this at all if you don’t want to but i just wanted to come in here and say that your posts about how you’re enjoying going to the gym is really heartwarming and reassuring!! I’m saying this bc recently I’ve been thinking about going but I’ve never been particularly athletic, I was always way out of my comfort zone in PE lessons and was lowkey made fun of for not being good at PE and it was always a miserable experience and never felt like a welcoming space. But I want to look after my own health better after beginning to notice some posture issues and back pain, and just being quite tired and ashamed of feeling physically weak and unfit in general. Though the gym and gym culture seems really intimidating I think there’s definitely a more wholesome and welcoming side and idk just seeing your posts about it makes me want to get a membership at my nearest gym, commit to it and look after myself better 💕 (not sure where to start in terms of workout routines though, so if you have any words of advice, please help 😭)

hi! sorry this is so late aaaaaa

all i can say is if you even have a small want of going to definitely GO!!! (affectionate) if you can!!! there's so many days where i'm like EHHH I DON'T WANNA but i force myself anyway and i'm really happy i did. even if it's a day where i'm like UGHHHHHHHHHHH the whole time.

but yes, especially since i've started working from home i'm so sedentary and i'm noticing it a lot more the older i get. i just want to be at a point where i feel strong and walking up a flight of stairs doesn't make me out of breath ;;;

as for routines i go with someone and kinda just copy what they do for now fkjghdfjkg they use the machines mostly! i'm still figuring out what exactly i want to do BUT doing 10 reps 5x times is what i've been aiming for. and i focus on arms one day, legs another, etc.

though eventually i want to go 4 days a week and start running a bit too ;; sorry this is super all over the place but a lot of people recc'd me looking up routines on youtube too that can help! my gym is 24 hours which is REALLY nice cause i can go late at night and hardly anyone is ever there (this was really good bc i hate being percieved esp working out bc im so weak LOL fjghkfjkdh)

i'm so happy you found it motivating though! if there's one advice i could give is take it slow and pace yourself. atm i'm only going 2-3 times a week for 1 hourish just to build up the habit of going :) and if there's some weeks where you go less than others that's also okay! you can always work back up to it again! I'M WISHING U LUCK IF YOU DECIDE TO GO YOU GOT THIS!

[huntertherapyeras]

I would LOVE to hear about your post amphibia headcanons!!!! What are your thoughts??

hiii moth 💜 hiiiii tumblr mutual/friend @colordesign (referring to u by url bc idk if u want ur name out there 💜) ok so i am having a big adhd moment and keep getting distracted from answering this ask but im just gonna do it!!! bc i really wanna talk about my hcs!!!! this is gonna be so long sorry in advance!!

ok so for my first hc its about the calamity trio as a whole post amphibia... i desperately dont want marcy to have to move away from all of her friends after this (i think that would break my heart) so in my brain they end up staying with anne while their parents move wherever they want. is it realistic? no, but it feels good to me so imma stick with it. sasha stays over all the fucking time too but he still has to stay with her parents for Custody/Visitation reasons sometimes x.x she HATES it but such is life...

they eventually move into an apartment together after high school. sasha teaches martial arts or fencing or smth similar, anne works part time at thai go and maybe gets a degree in film??? (i know she isnt a school enjoyer but she just loves film and tv so much thats the only thing i can imagine her going to college for!) marcy spends a lot of time during college exploring various majors and ends up getting a few different degrees - probably one in like, environmental biology and one in anthropology at least! (these hcs arent set in stone, im mostly just thinking aloud for these ones...)

oh and during high school they visit amphibia on the weekends. afterwards? its different times but they still visit a lot!!!!

and theyre dating ofc 💜 all three of them 😌 polyam icons

onto personal hcs which ARE more set in stone for me:

sasha ends up coming out as bigender in high school. he uses she/he alternating pronouns! she is a lot less like, fake post amphibia because after being there so long he realizes that its just a behavior that he was using to protect himself and that it really wasnt even working bc it drove anne away and attracted people she didn't really want to interact with esp after everything. but another thing that complicates this is that i ascribe to the hc that sasha comes out of amphibia with a facial difference, which tends to kind of also make Fake people less likely to want to interact bc yknow. theyre superficial.

so i really like the idea that sasha ends up blind in one eye with a large scar over it. i also love the idea of him being deaf in one ear too!!!! though i haven't worked out the mechanics of how both his eye AND ear could be affected in my hc.

tl;dr post amphibia sasha is a lot more genuine, much more obviously angry and kind of blunt, and fiercely protective over the people that he loves. this isnt to say that he can't still act super phoney, because it was second nature to her for a long time so ofc he would slip back into it unintentionally sometimes. but she genuinely wants to be better and do better!!!

oh and wrt brain stuff sasha definitely has bpd (that started developing pre-approval) and ptsd (from after amphibia). he struggles a lot with hypervigilance and mood swings and he's really really sensitive to Percieved rejection and abandonment >:3 oh and my boy is defs dyslexic i dont make da rules 💕

ok so onto anne. i hc her as a trans lesbian! and this hc is soooo important to me 💜 in my brain sasha and marcy already knew that she's trans though since theyve been friends so long, but she doesnt come out as a lesbian until later on, like probably high school? i know a lot of people are really into the hc where she loses an arm and i am all for limb difference anne BUT im personally really attached to her keeping her arm but having lasting nerve damage and arthritis from her breaking it in season one because i have the same issue and yall know i love to project

i hc that post amphibia anne is a bit less easy going than before. she tries to be chill but she has a lot of lasting anger and resentment and it makes things hard for her! she'll never be the same doormat she was before amphibia, and thats ok! shes a lot better at standing up for herself and the people she cares about, which is a positive change!

wrt brain stuff anne has always had adhd and probably dyscalculia too? but after amphibia she also deals with ptsd (they all do). she struggles with hypervigilance, though to less of a degree than sasha does, and feelings of helplessness are a huge trigger for her. the events of true colors are what she most commonly has flashbacks about, and for a long time after she struggles with the scent of cooked meat especially, leading her to a life of mostly vegetarianism. its hard :(

MARCY TIME MARCY TIME MARCY TIME!!!

marcy is heavily affected by their time in amphibia. before being betrayed by andrias, being in amphibia actually helped her confidence a lot! being applauded for what they're good at was really good for them, especially since despite their good grades and talents they didn't actually like... get a lot of praise for it? but what andrias did to her was really really damaging and changed them a lot. :( it takes them a long time to get their 'spark' back. but they never lose their curiosity despite the trauma and still love themself a good fantasy even if they have more triggers than before and sometimes stuff hits a bit harder than they expect

in high school they come out as nonbinary, i hc them as agender? and use they/she pronouns!!!! i think they prefer they but theyre ok with she as well (they really like it when people alternate though)! she's a lesbian too, like sasha and anne! oh and maybe later on they experiment with they/he pronouns too!!! still stewing on that :3

in my hc part of the reason why theyre really clumsy (aside from inattentiveness) is because they have autism associated dyspraxia and hypermobility! its hard to know where u are in space when your joints just naturally go out of the "typical" range of motion (talking from experience). after amphibia they try to be a lot more aware of their surroundings but she tends to dissociate a lot so that does Not help the clumsiness at all

as a result of their injury (all my homies hate andrias) they have a spinal injury between t4 and t6. because of the healing pod, the spinal injury not complete, so marcy still does have some function in her limbs, but they experience a lot of numbness and tingling and sometimes their legs just. stop working. this leads to them being able to walk or even run (if necessary) short distances, but they get tired super easily and have a lot more balance with forearm crutches. they used a rollator for awhile, but that left them stranded a lot so then she transitioned to a manual wheelchair. but because the spinal injury affects their upper body as well, it isn't always possible for them to self propel. they eventually started using a power wheelchair for longer distances like if they want to go for a walk with anne and sasha etc etc etc. the power wheelchair gives them a lot of independence back that they weren't sure they were ever gonna have again so marcy is super grateful for it!

content warning for weight and disordered eating

.

.

.

.

right after their possession marcy was pretty emaciated because the core just saw no point in eating even the bare minimum. so when marcy got thru refeeding and stuff they gained a significant amount of weight very quickly. they're proud of the progress that they've made though and are working on their body image (the weight doesn't bother her, but the scars are pretty upsetting for them to look at every day bc of the trauma). fat marcy rights!!!!!

my marcy is ofc autistic and adhd. they also dealt with heavy dissociation even before the trauma in the form of maladaptive daydreaming! it definitely got worse after everything. :( marcy has pretty bad ptsd from it all but they're getting better every day and having anne and sasha around to remind her of her worth is really helpful!

they love each other so much and while they all have their issues they really are happy together and that's what matters 🥺

[nineteensixtieschikadee]

Arya Stark & Femininity

This might turn into a mini rant, so bear with me here. A lot of times whenever I watch old GOT clips, (bc I hate myself) and read stuff about Arya on fansites, I realize that there’s been a lot of misconception about her and her character. Particularly about her being a woman. And a lot of times i see this sort of “justification” from her fans that the reason why she’s such a fan-favorite character in the show (and to some extent, the books?) is because Arya is esentially this “bad-ass ninja asassin tomboy who’s out for revenge against those who’ve killed her family.” And some of her fans and especially her anti’s will call her out expressing that “Arya’s only a child who doesn’t like girly things like dresses and boys and doing her hair. She “identifies” herself as a tomboy because she likes “boyish things” like sword play, and playing in the mud, and gore, wrestling, etc. I was scrolling through the Jonrya tag here on Tumblr, this is a comment I found regarding Arya:

The moment I read that I straight up just wanted to rant! Lol! Also, I’m sorry for the formatting, I’m writing this on mobile. :( Anyways, these people who make those claims about Arya, esentially only see her as this small girl who likes fighting and getting dirty. They completely disregard everything else that makes Arya, Arya. Pretty much just limiting her to her sex, understanding that because Arya likes boyish things, she’s NOT ALLOWED to inherit things, like the North, fall in love and get married, have a high position in the hierarchy and in politics. It’s because that these people see her as someone who hates needlework or everything that isn’t Sansa, everyone believes that she hates everything that makes her FEMALE. Everybody here knows that Arya’s my favorite female character in the books, so I just wanna talk about how the general public views her, and how their views tend to go against Arya’s entire character.

People have this view that she is the “exact opposite” of Sansa. And while that’s true in terms of their different characteristics, it doesn’t mean that Arya is against everything that makes Sansa, feminine. Now lemme elaborate here. Sansa is everything that represents “femininity.” Especially in terms of the inspired time period that ASOIAF takes place in. She’s very girly & lady-like, is mannerful, “soft-spoken.” She daydreams about boys and being a princess. She’s graceful and elegant. She knows her place in terms of society, and as a woman. AND YEAH, Arya is the exact opposite of that. Yes, she has this boyish nature. She’s wild and free spirited. Loud also adventerous. But that’s the thing: Arya has a lot of femininity in her. It’s just not the femininity that we’re used to. What society percieves as “normally feminine.”

Arya is not Sansa. And it’s because she doesn’t act like a “lady” that the audience sees her as this girl who “doesn’t want” or most importantly, should not want/get the same treatment as the typical noblewoman in Westeros should recieve. This idea was engraved into people’s heads because of the show, and that’s how we’re supposed to see her. As this cold hearted ninja assasin warrior who happens to be a girl, but doesn’t act like a typical girl. The audience pretty much places her in the “I’m not like other girls” trope. Which is honestly, so wrong to me. Because yeah okay, Arya isn’t like the typical lady. But god, she is far deeper than that, and is a much more complex character.

Here’s the thing, Arya does not reject being a female, and most importantly, she does not reject the typical ideals of what makes a lady feminine. Of course not. In fact, she actively encourages that women be included in all things, especially in things only made for men. She believes that women should not be held back or ignored because of their sex and femininity.

“The Lannister’s are proud,” Jon observed. “You’d think the royal sigil would be sufficient, but no. He makes his mother’s House equal in honor to the king’s.”

“The woman is important too!” Arya protested.

This excerpt is from Arya’s very first chapter in AGOT. It is also my favorite Jonrya moment, lol. And asides from the scene foreshadowing potential plot points for not only Jon & Arya, the scene introduces to us and examines Arya’s perception of society and more specifically, the women in society. In this scene Arya joins Jon in observing Prince Joffrey, talking about the Lannister/Baratheon coat of arms. Jon makes a point that while the Baratheon sigil should be enough to prove that Joffrey is of royalty, the Lannisters (Cersei) are a proud house, married into the royal family. So therefore Joffrey is of house Baratheon AND Lannister. That is why the Lannister sigil stands besides the Baratheons. Because they, specifically Cersei, should be seen as equal to the king.

And while Jon makes this seem like it’s wrong or not needed, Arya disagrees with him. She tells him that the women should not be forgotten, as they should be seen as equal to the men. That the women are just as important as the men, and that it would be of good conduct to not forget that. And with that being said, she never acknowledges that Joffrey’s mother is too lady-like or too feminine to be seen as an equal to the king. Nope. Although she does question later as to why if women cannot fight, why should they have a coat of arms. Though that is hardly the point of her argument.

Another point that makes people believe that Arya is not feminine or does not support femininity, is when she flat out says to Ned that she hates the idea of being a lady.

“Your mother and I have charged her with the impossible task of making you a lady.”

“I don’t want to be a lady,” Arya flared.

Alot of people misinterpret this as Arya not wanting to be a noblewoman, because she only likes to play with swords, and get dirty. Because acting like a lady is stupid and not her. This is simply not true. Arya has no problem with women, or being a lady. She is a lady. A highborn one. What she does have a problem with is that being a lady often means being trapped in the conformities of what society percieves to be the acceptable standard for women in this time period.

All of the acceptable standards is what Sansa is. And she is not like Sansa. She does not believe herself to be a lady like her sister or her mother. When she first reveals her true identity to Gendry in ACOK, he immediately apologizes to her for his behavior and calls her m’lady. :3 Arya unfortunately sees this as a form of mockery and an attack because while Gendry acknowledges that she is a lady, Arya doesn’t act like a typical lady or even look like one. That insecurity of not being a lady like her mother and sister makes her believe that Gendry is using her sex against her. Like a form of irony. But I mean, we all know that’s far from the truth, lol!

And Jon recognizes this too! It’s the reason why they are so close and tightly knit together. Because Jon understands Arya, and sees her insecurity like how she sees his. They are one and the same. Jon sees and understands Arya’s frustrations of sexism viewed in Westeros. He acknowledges that Arya is to become a lady. But he also sees that Arya is not the conventional type of lady wanting to stick to the norms. She is a different type of lady, and to him, that is okay. He may tease her for it once in a while, pointing out all the unfair limitations that women have to go through. But he accepts her for being this unconventional noblewoman, and often encourages her to pursue being different.

“Girls get the arms but not the swords. Bastards get the swords but not the arms. I did not make the rules, little sister.”

Later when Jon and Arya say their goodbyes, Jon gifts Arya with the swords. Needle. This is his way of saying, fuck all them haters, be who you wanna be. Solidifying the idea that he supports her and accepts her for who she is. Kinda like how Tyrion told him to use his identity as armour, Arya should do the same to herself. It’s okay to be different than the rest. Fuck the rules.

It’s not that Arya hates the idea of being a lady. It’s a far cry from that. It’s the sexism that goes along with being the typical lady that infruiates her. Arya loves running around, riding horses, playing with swords, being loud and adventurous. She has a firery temper to her. And just because she likes doing all of that, and is all of that, it doesn’t mean, shouldn’t mean that she isn’t a lady. That she can’t be a lady. All of those things shouldn’t limit her to being viewed as a girl, a highborn lady. She is a woman, and she identifies as one.

“Listen to him, boy.”

“It was the third time he had called her “boy.” “I’m a girl,” Arya objected.

That is why, even though she sees herself as a woman, she often tells herself and other people that she is not a lady. Despite others telling her that she is one. Her insecurity and her frustrations do not allow her to see herself as a lady because she isn’t a “conventional woman.”

But the thing is, even though Arya doesn’t enjoy most of the typical lady-like things, she still has a ton of femininity to her. And people often ignore her more feminine traits in favor of her more “badassery” side, which unfortunately are most often occupied by men. People forget and downright ignore that Arya is really intelligent. She particularly excels in math. It’s one of the few things that she’s better at than Sansa. She loves flowers—like her aunt Lyanna. The very person who she’s said to look and act like the most. And a really important one is that she has motherly instincts. It’s what helps her protect other kids throughout her journey. Her ability to empathize enables her to be more social with outcasts and befriend others without judgement. She is well-mannered and kind to strangers. (An example of this would be when she apologizes to a common woman who lent her a dress to wear, and she accidentally destroys it because she and Gendry were playing by the acorn tree.) She can also cook and clean just like any other woman—or any other person. All of those are feminine traits, and are traits that make her more human. And the show opted to get rid of all that and gave us some cold-hearted, angry, ninja.

The audience perceives that because Arya is this ninja warrior who rejects the common standards of being a lady, it means that she can’t have these other more female traits. Nope. She’s not allowed to have or want more rights and power because that’s not her. She’s a warrior and nothing more. She can’t find love because she has to be this bad-ass independent woman who don’t need no man. That’s not her, that’s her sister. We can’t have Arya be any more female than she already is because she rejects the idea of being female. Leave all that crap to her sister! Sansa’s the princess—and we can’t have Arya being a princess or queen. Arya’s only allowed to carry a sword.

And it’s the audience’s perception of her that goes against everything that Arya is, and everything that she believes in. Because remember, Arya hates the idea that being a lady means being trapped in the societal norms. And it can be said vice versa too. Arya still respects those who want to be more of the conventional type. Arya may not have the more typical feminine traits that make her a lady, but to hell with it! It doesn’t mean that she’s not allowed to have the other things that the more conventional woman would/should have. That goes against all of her views and beliefs. The audience puts Arya at an unfair standard because she doesn’t act like a conventional woman.

It’s the same thing as the audience saying that Jon Snow doesn’t want a title or power, because he’s devoted his life to the Nights Watch and is unselfish. False. Very false. Just like Arya. Arya’s young. She still has time to grow, and no doubt she doesn’t think of all those things now because of other priorities. But she’s slowly getting there. And there is so much foreshadowing of her finding love, becoming a woman gaining power, etc, etc. She’s not there yet, but that’s a part of her growth. Just because she defies the typical female standards, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want or wont want all those things later.

Like com’on. Everyone knows that Arya is the only legitimate candidate right now to inherit the North. Everyone knows. The Northmen know, the Nights Watch knows, the people in Kings Landing knows. Hell, even the damn wildings know this. And it’s because of this knowledge that formed the majority of the northern plotline in ADWD. People are going to war for her. She is the true key to the North, and that’s why the Boltons lied and said that they have her. It’s why Jon went to war and died for her. I don’t think Arya will truly believe it if/when she finds out that people are fighting for her because she holds the power to the North. Unless Jon’s gonna be the one to tell her himself. The fact that she is being set up to inherit all this power, and yet people deny it and believe that she doesn’t want it because it’s “not her” in regards that she’s not feminine enough, is seriously infuriating.

I mean look at the type of women Arya respects and idolizes. Where do you think she got the name Nymeria from? Nymeria’s name originates from the Princess of Dorne herself, Princess Nymeria of Ny Sar. Princess Nymeria was said be very beautiful, strong-willed, cunning, and full of wisdom. She was a “warrior-queen.” From that alone, her femininity clearly did not matter. She was a woman whose goals were not held back because of her femininity and sex.

Arya does not hate femininity or things that makes women more feminine. She doesn’t truly hate wearing dresses or being a lady. It’s being conformed to the general standards that she hates. It’s her sex being used against her that makes her angry. It’s not being able to be herself that she despises. And thanks to Sansa and her mother’s judgement of her, Arya’s insecurity only heightened. Despite looking exactly like Lyanna, Arya herself believes that she’s not beautiful enough to even be considered a lady. Only Jon and Ned allowed Arya to be Arya. Only they called her beautiful, and only they encouraged her to be who she wanted to be. Arya loves her fellow women. And yeah, she also loves Sansa despite her being such a pain in the ass bitch, lol.

Arya’s character encourages women to just be women. She encourages us the audience to just be ourselves despite all the conformities forced upon us. Her character explores the limitations of sex, gender, and especially the loss of identity. Arya not wanting to be a lady doesn’t actually mean she doesn’t want to be a lady. She doesn’t want to be held back by the standards of being a lady. Her question, her argument is that why should women be limited only to being this or that. Women are far more than meets the typical standard, and if society can’t accept it, then fuck that! Women can be knights and still be a lady. They can be fierce and passionate and emotional and still be a lady. Women can be warriors and still be a lady. Just because there are some women out there who don’t fit the ideal standards of what it means to be lady, it shouldn’t make them feel like less than one.

[mickstart]

OH about the autism thing re: rules a big sign of autism is a very strong sense of right and wrong and adhering to rules we perceive as utterly and completely nessecary to follow. its interesting considering the another trait is a rejection of societal rules but i think its more an alignment with the rules and values we decide are worth following. which is what everyone does.

its just that with troubles with emotional regulation, which most autism people have, our responses to the breaking of those rules or what we percieve as obviously wrong regarding our moral code triggers a very stressful emotional reaction. whether thats distress/upset/anger etc.

and it can happen over anything! i couldnt watch the cat in the hat film till i was 12 years old, because the constant breaking of the rules and idea of getting in trouble was so stressful to me it triggered a crying/distress response and made me go into a meltdown. these things get easier sometimes as we grow into adults. but when you have something you hold dear all but turn upside down on you when youre already a person averse to change, it can feel like a huge shakeup. even if youre aware it's not necessarily the end of the world/you acknowledge such a response can be really silly.

laura youve gotta remember that you, like me, and multiple other autistic f1 fans in the replies of that ask have high empathy and low emotional regulation. F1 is your special interest and has been dear to you for years. It makes complete sense for you to have a distress reaction for a violation of both the sports rules, which you apply as The Rules and your moral code.

Suffocating these emotional responses isn't going to help you or any other autistic person, though many neurotypical people believe it is. Whether its an emotional outburst, a meltdown, a shutdown or another response, trying to force it down wont work. It's your body responding to overstimulation. Focusing on how youre feeling, keeping somewhat of an awareness (if you can) on how youre acting and making sure to make sure that, yes, other people arent negatively affected by these emotions but far more importantly that you yourself are okay.

Anyone sending anons trying to rile you up or start an argument over this are the kind of people who poke and prod at autistic people to make fun of them. They're disgustingly common in the fandom, but they're fortunately also not the smartest. And it's completely in your right to delete messages of and block people seeking conflict in bad faith.

However you respond to this situation and whatever similar things might happen in the future I do hope you know that you have my complete support. I really hope this dumb long ask explains that, because I really do know what you're going through, even if my own response to this has been different.

Love you Laura ❤💗❤

Liv thank you so much for this I really, really, really appreciate it in so many ways. Mum going to me "life's shit, it's just a sport. come on lewis be a big boy" when I told her how upset Lewis seemed yesterday really like... sdfgfsd opened my eyes to the fact emotional repression as a rule has been coming from BOTH my parents. They do not understand that a "disproportionate" emotional response is a common thing in autism and they can't tolerate NORMAL emotional responses so looking back on how they've responded to me growing up I think there's a lot of harm done there that they will probably never acknowledge. So it's just rlly good to hear your perspective and know that like. It's normal, I guess?

Anyway yeah aside from "sour grapes slut" the most iconic anon ask of all time, I've deleted / blocked any anon hate or notes on posts I've received bc that's just my rule of thumb. People have definitely tried to rile me up in my inbox but I can rile myself up they really don't need to waste their time sfdjhsfdjhsdf. This to say you're right and thank you for the reminder.

Also, thank you for finally revealing to me why I also HATED that fucking cat in the hat movie and couldn't stand it and had to leave the room whenever my sister wanted to watch it.

[dog-teeth]

is there anything you wish you had known before starting T? are there any effects that you dislike? sorry if this is too personal, i'm just trying to make sure i'm making a good decision. i'm agender but i want to present more masc but i'm scared that i'll end up hating the effects of T even though there are some things that i really really want from it. also, i love your art!

no worries im honestly fine with talking about almost all transition/gender related stuff! im gonna talk (p non-explicitly) about sex and body stuff so i’ll put this under the cut

there aren’t any effects i dislike. when i started there were things that i was very nervous for because i thought i would hate them but ended up loving them. i prefer almost everything i experience on hrt, or i don’t care about it, so for example i LOVE my voice now & i love the way T makes me feel emotionally (both physiologically and psychologically), but i don’t care about having facial hair because i always shave it but it’s not that much of a hassle and sometimes stubble is cute. i don’t care for the body hair either bc i was already basically as hairy as a cis man pre-T, i even liked my old leg hair better because the texture was less coarse. the only thing i like better not on T is sexual sensations, but honestly i dont have sex so it doesn’t matter lol. i was v scared for bottom growth and was certain i would hate it but it actually rules i love it (i don’t love that i need like three times as much lube now tho cuz ur ability to naturally lubricate goes way down) also this was one of the most uncomfortable changes at first cuz it makes the clit very tender and sensitive and it will rub against your underwear and be really uncomfy with friction, so make sure u have soft underwear and loose pants. sorry for talking about my genitalia but tbh there is nowhere near enough information about trans bodies and its one of the least discussed aspects of hrt.

however, i was not always this content with taking T! it was a rocky start! there’s nothing that bothers me now, but when i was first starting, a lot bothered me. i was SO sweaty for NO reason, my voice HONKED like a third of the time i opened my mouth, i was VERY ANGRY very quickly, and i was so so hungry!!! snacking forever!! all of these things mellowed out over the first few months, i’m back to not sweating very much and being able to speak like a human person and my anger is actually significantly more manageable than it was pre-T because it comes and goes easily which means i no longer fester deep frustration and anger all the time. i think my appetite leveled out but it’s still higher than before, i gained a couple pounds but it wasn’t a lot.

i don’t want to pressure or sway anyones decision to take hrt, but i would say that your body and mind are so very capable of adapting to new things & even if you end up not liking some parts of hrt you will be able to deal with them and move on, and most of the things that are nerve-wracking end up being fine. its super super scary to try taking hrt since so much is permanent changes to your body. but you can always take a low dose to make the changes happen slower, and like i said you get used to things way easier than you think you will.

i was really really really scared and uncertain when i started T, but i’m so glad i made the jump to do it! i could never have imagined how much it would improve my life! there were so many things i was terrified of - doing irreparable “damage” to my body, regretting it, being read as male, certain specific physical effects, etc. i also didn’t know anybody irl who took T, just my beautiful lovely trans woman friend who started E years ago while we were friends, so seeing her go through the process inspired me a lot. we r both so sexy now like we were sexy before but honestly hrt has made us unstoppable & i love it for us. i definitely couldn’t have done it without her support. i’m getting off track, my point was that i didn’t know anybody on T so i couldn’t see firsthand what it was like, i was basically my own experiment, and it was so scary. but eventually i reached the mindset of “i’m so fucking miserable and something needs to change and i’m not 100% certain it’s this but i need to try because i can’t spend the rest of my life wondering about it and if i do end up hating it i’ll just fucking deal with it from there” i would def recommend being more certain than i was but i do think theres a lot about hrt you just wont know how youll react to until it happens. above all my fears, i just wanted it, and all my fears were very surface-level (what if i hate my body [i already hate my body] what if i hate how people percieve me [i already hate how people percieve me] what if it makes me miserable [i’m already miserable] what if i regret taking it [what if i regret not taking it or i miss out on an opportunity to be happy] )

i cant tell you if T is the right choice for you, but i can tell you that i also had fears and uncertainties before starting, and that if you do end up hating it you’ll be able to adapt.

[pulledpurplecurtains]

Beca for the ask game? (And if she's already been asked, Aubrey?)

she has not, in fact, been asked already so let’s see!! (any chance i get to talk abt my most precious of all my babies I’LL TAKE IT) 

Sexuality headcanon: in contrast to what i believe abt chloe, i do actually think that beca is bi. canonnicaly it makes the most sense (since she dated jesse for at least three years and her sexuality is not specifically said) but also, for who beca is as a person; meaning that, she would feel most comfortable under a well defined label, one that she got to chose for herself. i do also believe she reaches the conclusion of which label suits her most quite some time after she first realizes she likes women, bc she’s the kind of person that wouldn’t rush to an assesment quickly but rather let it sit with her for some time and then reach her conclusion. self exploration is not something beca does quickly, or effortlessly

Gender headcanon: female

A ship i have with said character: again, it’s bechloe all the way (lemme say it again, always open to exploring other ships but they shall always remain my OTP)

A BROTP i have with said character: actually it’s beca and stacey, and i blame it on the so, so many fics that portray their friendship in such a beautiful way; and definitely exploring it much more than the movies ever did. i don’t know, there’s something abt beca’s grumpiness and stacey’s playfullness, something abt stacey pulling beca out of her shell while also being an actually good and caring friend, supportive and a good listener, that speaks to me

a NOTP i have with said character: how original of me, but it’s beca and jesse. jesse never paid much attention to what beca likes and wants, or to who she really is. it’s shown in the first movie how it was always abt him and his interests, and abt retaining and confirming the idea of beca he had formed by himself in his own head. every time i watch pp i hate that relationship more and more, and it’s not even abt bechloe primarily. it’s just that my baby deserves so much better than that

A random headcanon: oh boy lemme think. hmmm i don’t know if i have one as adamantly as i do for chloe, but nonetheless it has to be abt how beca’s first experience with a girl is with chloe. i think it makes sense based on how i percieve beca’s relationship with her sexuality, and how despite knowing she likes women for at least some time before she gets together with chloe, she wouldn’t venture into that. no matter how sure she is of it, it’s something new- compared to her attraction to men- and hence scary. it’s unknown, and beca doesn’t like the unknown. she can deal well enough when she’s forced into it or faced with it, but she won’t walk into it voluntarily. besides (and the whole komissar thing aside) i do think beca’s attraction to women has always been  so interconnected in her mind with chloe that she doesn’t really want to experiment with that side of her sexuality, she doesn’t feel the need to. she just wants chloe (problem with beca actually is, i have too many headcanons that are all interconnected and much deeper than what perfume she’s wearing sdhfkjsdhfk)

General Opinion over said character: beca may be a lil rough on the outside, but i think she’s the best thing that can happen to someone. out of all the characters in any fandom, i have the softest spot for her; and i don’t see that changing any time soon, if ever. i just love how she’s an incredibly complex human, but also really simple to get at the same time. i love how, even when she falters, she remains unapologetically herself. i love how she gets so deeply and quietly attached to people, how she would literally throw away any big opportunity to make sure she does right by her people, the family she has chosen for her own, and how she keeps growing and evolving. i also love how things kinda have to crash and burn before she realizes she has to make some big change, and the fact that she will bottle things up until she can’t contain them anymore and they just. explode. both of those last attributes are so goddamn relatable for me and i love that i can find some comfort in sharing them with her

[lettuce-seize-the-day]

Lemme get this straight - (yeah that's a pun) - the destiel shippers are pissed about the spn ending and the wincest shippers love it. So maybe the couple you ship would have to do something with how you percieve the ending.

I mean kind of yeah, though it's not an even split that's how it's generally swayed. but the ending is the most flawed for dean bc of all the reasons ive written several essays about. for sam, in GENERAL, i don't.....despise his ending (though I don't love it and im not sure it's what I would have picked) but other than blurry wife and shitty wig and being Fine without Dean it's not the worst. But Dean wanted a family!!

Okay yep I'm writing another essay. Not bc you asked me to but bc I'm angry again. Tw for brief references of suicidal ideation (regarding a character).

Yes, between dean and Sam, dean was technically more shown to be inclined to hunting. But it's not that simple. See, from the time he could walk pretty much, his whole purpose was to protect his family. It was put on him by John and all he wanted was his approval, so he raised his little brother and did everything he could for his father's love (which he never really got.) Moving on.

When sam, dean, and John are close to getting the yellow eyed demon and John and Sam are both willing to sacrifice themselves for the cause, Dean says that "if hunting this thing gets you or dad killed then I hope we NEVER find the damn thing." Yes, he hates azazel but what's DRIVING his ACTIONS is his love for his family. This is the mission his FAMILY has chosen, so he goes in full force. And without analyzing, it can seem that dean loves and cares about hunting more than anything. But that's just the way he's been taught to show his love. It's the only way, really. When sam goes to hell, Dean gets a normal life. He doesn't keep hunting, even though honestly? He could. And if he actually cared about hunting itself, he would. But his brother was gone, his dad was gone, his family was gone. His family is everything to him. So what's the point? He needs a new family. Cue Lisa and Ben. Then once sam (F A M I L Y) is back in the game, he's right back on his bullshit (more or less).

Also- he's been suicidal his whole life. But he's never made an official attempt just for the heck of it. The only times that can be argued is when he is about to say yes to Michael in season 5, and after he loses Cas and goes hunting with Sam in season 13. But both times, he only felt it was okay because it was a means to an end. Yes he wants to die but MORE than that he wants to save the people he loves. It triumphs over everything, and those situations, he could use his suicidal ideation to help people, and also finally lay his weary head to rest.

I could keep going but my point is made pretty much I think. Dean only cares abt his family and everything he does, including hunting, is for love. Therefore, having him die while hunting (especially Like That) was a shitty and disrespectful end to his arc. The only way to end it would have been to have someone love and care for HIM, and the ONLY one who could do that was Cas. So, to not even mention Cas except offhandedly by other characters, and to let Dean die the second the last Big Bad is defeated and (according to the thought process he's had all along UP UNTIL this point, or arguably up until the point of castiel's confession) the second that he has no more purpose to serve on earth is.......well, bad. It's just bad.

So in conclusion, yes the shippers are kind of split in feelings of the finale, (also bc of the uncomfy wincest moment when dean was dying, iykyk) but it's more about the individual characters than the ships themselves. Destiel being reciprocated would have been a beautiful, delicious cherry on top for me if dean was given a good fucking ending. But my biggest issue is Dean. Dean fucking deserved better.

[blacknovelist]

sup ok here’s the promised details on uhhhhhh All for One in @guardianlioness​‘s and I’s Ageswap Mess, formed by collaborative headcanon jamming on discord and then roughly paraphrased via a run thru the unfortunate Quadruple Lengthening Filter that’s built into my brain bc I’m incapable of being brief.

(something of an expansion on this post and this ask. Nooooot spoiler free, actually pretty spoilers, idk, will pop it under a readmore bc who knows how long I’m gonna go on also)

ALSO!! I can’t at u but @randommly-passing-mia u asked forever ago about Toshinori and AfO’s relationship in this AU and i answered what I could then but I’m pleased to announce this goes more into that bc I knew Very Little back then. :)

So, All for One! Now, I feel it appropriate to note that the previous post I made regarding the history of OfA in Ageswap, as well as just about everything I’ve posted abt AfO and OfA for Ageswap (except for the linked ask above, obv) was made before the arc with the League of Villains and Shigaraki’s backstory all came out. Now that we’ve got some of those contexts, we can go a little further in fleshing everything else out, which we did, a little, today.

Pls keep in mind that Ageswap’s goal is not and never has been to make a direct 1:1 translation of adults to kids and vice versa -- good lord we’d have a lot of empty spaces if we were doing that. So, uh. Anyway. it’s time for “we make a mess of the characters and also the timeline and the plot because it’s Our City Now”

Student AfO is a different creature to small Toshinori of our au. For the purposes of this post we’ll call him AfO, because while I’d love to just jump into referring to him as Shigaraki there’s a lot of confusions that lie down that road. Also, again, we’re calling mr heckhands mcmike Tomura, because Shigaraki is a name with Weight.

Because canon parallels, Ageswap AfO has a little brother who we’re making Kyudai Garaki/the Good Doctor and also quirkless for our purposes (whether he’s AfO’s biological brother is up in the air, we haven’t settled yet). Garaki has something of an intense obsession with quirks, constantly studying and doing research, not unlike Izuku, and the age gap between him and AfO is... about six years. Now, because AfO had already manifested a quirk of his own and that quirk had fearsome potential, One for All was originally going to be passed on to his brother, because before Ageswap Izuku, OfA had strictly been handed down to trained members of the family.

Tomura was a member of the group that had, through the generations, been working to fight against the users of One for All. To hit them where it hurt, he attacked Izuku’s mentor’s (we’ll call them the Mentor) home with a group of League fighters. When he found out there was a quirkless boy, and a second one who was all but quirkless for all that he’d been told to avoid using his own powers, he quickly took them in under the League’s wing -- both in an act of cruelty against OfA and out of some misguided sympathy for the boys.

The fearsome thing is the toxicity of the relationships Tomura formed with the League, and eventually with the boys. He meant well, when he took them in, but whatever this version of him went through... well, just about all his relationships are some level of manipulative and unhealthy by default. See: his tendency for physical closeness and being tactile, as mentioned in the ask.

He’s firmly of an opinion along the lines of “if you’ve got the power, and you know you have the power, and you’re not using it to do whatever you can or want, then why do you even have it?” and, for all of AfO’s childhood, Tomura tried his hardest to share this with AfO and sway the kid to his side. With the Mentor having dropped off the grid and abandoned the Shigaraki name in grief, AfO and his brother had nowhere else to go, but AfO was a smart and cautious kid: he couldn’t just listen without a fight, or a reason.

(AfO didn’t know Tomura meant to kill them, that he attacked their home on purpose. When he eventually finds out, he firmly believes Tomura meant to save them)

But Tomura’s persistent, and he doesn’t stop, and eventually he points out: if All for One is a quirk that allows him to take and give quirks, does that not mean he can seek out the perfect quirk for his little brother? All the reasons he’s suffered, AfO has the power to fix that.

That’s the thing that sways AfO to their side, that convinces him to stay with the League and learn under Tomura. Because if it’s for family, isn’t it worth it?

(AfO sees Tomura as a teacher, as a friend, as someone beloved and important. Shigaraki was AfO’s name, but it can be Tomura’s too, if Tomura wants. Then everyone knows they’re family. And Tomura accepts it -- another spit in the face of an enemy, a welcomed token from a beloved student. Shigaraki is a good name for the rest of the world to use, but Tomura, Tomura is a name for the League and the League alone.)

AfO tries, at first, to find other quirks for his brother while he trains, while his brother studies (while Tomura tries to sway Garaki to their side also, because look at what you know, what you could do with that knowledge, combined with your brother’s quirk, you’re so young and so so smart-). OfA is gone beyond the League’s sight, in the hands of the Symbol of Peace, so there’s no point on dwelling on it, really, surely another quirk would work better?

But then One for All comes back around, in the hands of this blond... nobody. His brother’s quirk, running around in a stranger. AfO continues to hunt potential quirks down for his brother and his brother’s studies, but he has a new goal: to try and claim OfA back and give it to who it really belongs to.

the problem of course being that he can’t take it by force like every other quirk, and killing Toshinori would merely render it lost forever.

Essentially, AfO’s primary grudge against Toshinori is the fact that he’s the current bearer of a quirk that, in AfO’s eyes, should belong to Garaki. And Toshinori’s quirklessness, or past quirklessness... is easy to know when you know the secret of One for All.

Some good stuff gets said abt AfO vs Toshinori in this answer here I think, and I’m drawing on it: Toshinori’s more instinct and heart to AfO’s logic and strategy. That’s not to say, obv, that neither of them draw on the other quality, but it’s what stands out most to me about the two of them and just, kind of their general dynamic (or at least, that’s how it seems).

USJ was a subtle message laid beneath a louder declaration. Two-for-one, if you will. “Wouldn't it be so nice to have a quirk that fit better in your hands? that didn't fritz or go funky whenever you so much as turned your head? A quirk you might not even have to coax and strain and train and change your body for?”

But AfO does not confront Toshinori until much later, until after the sports festival. See, the mall incident in this AU is a scene on bargaining.

He confronts Toshinori at the mall -- his face is not known, and it’s a simple matter to pull him off to the side. But there won’t be fighting here today. No, he only came to talk.

Questions, first. About Toshinori, his experience with One for All, what he thinks of other people’s quirks. About what it was like for him, growing up quirkless, left abandoned by so many people for it. Eventually, his conversation circles back around. I have a little brother. He’s quirkless, just like you. You know what he went through, what he suffered.

All for One even did his research, is even willing to play by rules closer to Toshinori’s own: tucked under his arm is a folder, with lists upon lists of people. Villains with sentences for life, villains under the death sentence, people who would have no life of returning to the world ever again. People who don’t have a reason to use their quirks any longer. People for whom it wouldn’t matter if he took their quirks anyway. “Take your pick,” he offers Toshinori. “I’ll give you whatever quirk you’ve ever wanted. I’ll even take it from a villain so none of your precious civilians have to suffer the loss — but that one belongs to my little brother.”

And, well. We all know he says no.

Why would Toshinori hang onto a quirk that isn’t even his? All the people out there, bearing the quirks that his brother and even his greatest enemy were robbed of at birth, and AfO has the power to grant both Toshinori and Garaki the power that they’d dreamed of, that belongs to them. He knows what it means to suffer without a quirk. Why won’t Toshinori let him fix that?

and idk specifically what Toshi would say, but I think it’s something along the lines of “no one asks for what they're born with or given, but we make the most of it anyway. That's how we're supposed to live.“

Anyway Toshinori and All for One hate each other SO fucking much but. Unfortunately, also just kind of Get Each Other on some level. Like, they despise one another but also, if there’s one thing they can believe in, it’s that the other will always Be The Way They Are. Friendly Enemyship, if you will.

There’s some level of pity that AfO also holds on the percieved coldness of Toshinori’s relationship to his mentor, Izuku. Izuku is... really awkward, in his relationship with Toshi, and while Izuku loves his student very much he has a hard time showing it -- and Toshinori thinks so poorly of himself, it’s hard to grasp how close they are from the outside sometimes. AfO totally tries to recruit Toshinori to their side, even after he figures they’re Tight and also even though he knows Toshinori won’t ever say yes. Like, he hates the guy, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be a kickass ally.

Tomura would like Toshinori and AfO says as much to his face. “You’re more like him than I am, anyway. You can act without overthinking. And he wouldn’t care if you were quirkless. He doesn’t with my brother.”

(Toshinori hates that. He isn’t, he isn’t he isn’t like him at all.)

Tomura has also more or less promised AfO that, at the end of his lifespan, his student should take on Decay. AfO, of course, doesn’t want that and is on the hunt for a good longevity quirk to give to his mentor

In the end, the way All for One is kind of being played in this AU is something not so far off from Anakin Skywalker.

In Lioness’ words:

Noble in his desire to keep his family alive

But horribly misdirected

[charismastaticarchive]

CLAUDE HC: humanity & the cynical idealist & tragic biracials

claude does believe in transactional affection / information and relationships. he’s a cynic by nature, with a chip on his shoulder---and he doesn’t very much like people who don’t like him and his people and the circumstances of his birth. he’s playing a long game---and i don’t think his people necessarily believe in him. this is a last-ditch effort to form ACTUAL trade bonds and allegiances with fodlan after his mother literally turned her back on her inheritance & the whole cruel world of it (for reasons that are both obvious and just. if only all women in fodlan could get away from its system of eugenics and misogyny).

claude doesn’t really believe that humanity is good as a default. children are just children, and they learn what they’re taught. he believes people are what they are raised to be---and he recognizes that fodlan will always have a bias against him. instead, his idealism comes from his belief that to be human is to be malleable and changeable, that every human can learn to grow & change & make great strides towards the future. humanity is a literal flower in a desert that must be tended to, whose thorns must be clipped, that needs to be watered and weeded and given JUST ENOUGH sunlight.

claude is angry, beneath the surface, and he’s hurt---the way any biracial is hurt when the white side of their family is racist towards them (i speak from experience, my white dad makes coronavirus jokes towards my mom), and claude’s had literal attempts on his life because of who and what he is. he’s grown around it, he’s learned from it for his own survival---but while that motivates him, it doesn’t make him stronger, it just fuels the fire in his heart to make humanity better the way he dreams it could be, in his idealist heart where he thinks humanity sucks ass, but could be so beautiful if everyone could learn to be better, the way he knows they can be with just a little push. but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still experience hurt. to say he just brushes it off is like. i don’t know. it feels weird to me, as if to invalidate the pain that comes with this specific brand of racism.

he HAS to use transactional conditional relationships for allegiances, he has to play chess games, he has to push his anger and his hurt down. i don’t think it makes him a ‘tragic biracial person’ that he has feelings about literal attempts on his life and the racist ideas that his own friends have against his people that he’s forced to spend time with every day (hilda and cyril). he’s half fodlan, and these people should accept them, they should let him have his birthright and their allegiance, but they wouldn’t let him if they knew where he really came from---and some people don’t want him to now, even assuming he ISN’T almyran. racism is real, and poc will always have feelings about the great tragedies that happen every day. he can be tragic and still have dreams, still keep people at an arm’s length to protect them and himself and WANT everyone to hold hands and be free to be who they are.

there are great moments of joy in claude’s life, even surrounded by people who hate him. and he believes that the growth of humanity through ending prejudice and war against his people isn’t just for him and people like him. it’s for his friends, who are missing out on the beautiful way of almyran life, and the beautiful way his parents love each other.

and just having tragedy in his past and not fitting into a fictional world that is divided by race, and admitting that he experiences both privilege (literally being able to come to fodlan and be the heir and pretend to be white bc he’s white-passing enough according to the game) and feelings of exclusion for not ‘fitting in’ bc he has a white mom and his people probably have feelings about her being born from the very nation that oppresses them on a global scale, bc that’s easy enough to extrapolate in the context of the game, doesn’t mean that he’s a ‘tragic biracial person.’ its like. just him being human that reacts in a human manner?

just. i don’t know! let him be hurt! let him have feelings! let him feel not enough part of one culture or the other and feel that is both his greatest asset in unifying them and also, something that makes him feel confused and enraged sometimes. let him be a human being that feels hurt!!!!! a lot of biracials (more white-passing ones especially) feel like they have to ‘pick a side’ when theyre young or theyre not genuinely one or the other and experience great discomfort because of it. thats a genuine experience and not like. something that can be boiled down to a harmful trope, if u give the biracial u are portraying the humanity and depth they deserve. claude is a complex character, and the way he percieves himself and his race and his two inheritances, which drives his whole character arc, can be complex as well, and still include pain and confusion about being biracial. ok end rant.

[fuckyeahasexual]

Hey i saw someone rbing a screenshot of that 'aces are lying about conversion therapy' post. I didn't see the original. I didn't see how many people agreed. I'm a latina ace living in a smal asa latin american country. I was put through conversion therapy and managed to escape. I feel fucking sick to my stomach. That really triggered me and idk what to do. All of ace 'discourse' which is 'you're not who you say you are bc you're experiences aren't happening, you're THIS instead' is.. abuse

(/2) Since it started i already struggled with believing myself and finding a safe space. Queer (and inclusive of poc and disability) spaces where the only spaces i felt SAFE. and they took that from me. And bc they talk about social justice so much, and i’ve been abused, and they’re practicing gaslighting, i think ‘what if they know what they’re talking about? What if i’m lying’ and the disgust that so much as comes of thinking that. It’s everywhere. Insta recommended a page w an ace post

(/3) yesterday. It was a post saying ace ‘cishets’ were trying to invade the community. Like 200 comments in support. Im tired. I’ve realized exclusionists gaslight, lie about our experiences and paint us all as cis hetrom when that is the VAST minority of the comm, and no1 i’ve seen involved in discourse is cis+hetrom ace ever. And they’ve also painted us as 'make the community about ME. i’m not gonna put in work for gay people! I’m looking for attn’ and it’s.. fcking disgusting bc i think

(/4) a lot of haters think 1. Cishet aces are straight and get accepted as such by society and 2. It’s straight ppl trying to gain access to the comm when NONE OF THOSE ARE TRUE. and they say 'we care abt lgbt aces’ to make it palatable. PLEASE. asexuality in ITSELF is nonstraight, as a lived id and as percieved by the cishets of the world. It feels like a losing battle. Like they’re indoctrinating young adults to hate us by spreading those lies. And that post was 2 much. Idk who i can talk to

(5/5) i’m sorry i sent you so many messages but im triggered af like…how are you going to VICTIM SHAME CONVERSION THERAPY VICTIMS?? Not even THAT will they believe?? Are they THAT low?? I feel like im gonna puke. Yes they DID try to make me straight. She said it to my face. Gross. Dunno if maybe getting help w an international therapist online can help, bc here therapist are NOT ace friendly. Dunno if i can speak to the trevor project cause im afraid they’ll secretly have exclus. Viewpoints

Hi anon ! Im so so SO sorry that you had to see that and be triggered bc of it you really didnt deserved that .The person who made that post is a very nasty aphobe and i assure you most people really dont believe that all aces are lying about their abuse.I, and millions of people in this world believe aces who have gone though conversion therapy.Believe me. And you might think that this exclusionist and aphobic bullshit is everywhere but I assure you it is NOT.Many many prominent lgbtqa organizations in this world include ace people and believe that they belong in the lgbtqa community.In almost every poll majority of lgbtqa people considered aces a part of the community.This exclusionary bullshit is mostly reserved on the internet.REALLY 

You can try going thorugh our #pos tag and #ref tag to see sources about this  and ace people talking about how they were accepted and included across their local lgbt groups.I hope it will make you feel beter.  .And i really dont think you need to be worried about talking to the trevor project bc  They are for aces to use, they have trained specifically because aces were calling.  Also, you can talk to us here anytime ! Im sending all my love and good vibes towards you ! I hope you feel better !

[nacsygen]

i mean, if there's anywhere to suffer about gender, why not tumblr, amirite?

i've known for like at least five years now i'm...not cis.  i've never been able to properly explain it, to myself or to others, but the fact that it sticks around so long tells me that, like and as unlike as my brain has tried to tell me many times before about being bi ("not gay enough") and mentally ill ("not mentally ill enough") like yeah, this is clearly a part of my identity, not just a phase or me, idk, trying to be cool or fit in among all the cool non-cis people i know, i guess???

i think what confuses me is that i don't really have much dysphoria about my physical form, really.  not in my own sense of it.  not without the input of other people.  i'm a very small person and this has informed a lot of my life, yes.  i am well below average height and have never been possessed of strength or grip to speak of (i'm the sheepish one who has to ask the girl working at the pizza place, after five minutes of trying at a booth, to open my bottle of water because my hands are just too small to have a proper adult grip).  but my body is my own, and i've long since learned to live with it, and be comfortable in it.  i got no complaints.

but then, people comment without any sort of prompting on aspects of my physicality, strangers, in public, all the time - whether it's the older lady at the bus stop asking how old i am and what i do to diet because i'm Just So Small! (ma'am, this is just how i am - no, i don't diet - if i stood up you could see my gut - being southern and polite is alas also a large part of my identity -), or the threateningly verbally abusive loud misogynist at the bus stop yelling at my turned back about my "skinny ass white girl legs! get some sun, bitch!", or just today, an older cracker (here in florida that is a descriptor of a culture, not a "slur") who i've ridden the same bus with many times with he and his lady friend, coming up to me while i'm standing waiting (again) for the bus and said "hello ma'am, i was just wondering, are you from The North? where are you from?" and i looked up from my book, bc again southern politeness, and said "nah, i'm from here" and pointed at the ground.  "you're really not From The North?  i'm sorry, i don't mean to be impolite, it's just because of your legs.  they're so skinny and pale, we thought you was From The North." "No sir, I'm from right here in Florida. I just don't tan easy." "well, that was a bet I had going with that girl over there that I just lost." "yeah, sorry, sir, I'm southern born and raised." we ended up on the same bus when it got there, and as i was getting ready to disembark he said "you have a good night there, sweetie! enjoy your book!" "oh, i will." realizing the awkwardness as the bus slowly got to a stop, "sorry, i'm nice, it's all i know how to be." "alright, well, you have a good one!" (i'm pretty sure that last that i didn't even think about said more about how Southern i am than anything else i could have said.)

i know that last was a tangent, but that's the thing - i don't even think about my body as Representing Femininity until other people treat me in a different way because of it.  it happens over and over, all the time, and it's the primary cause of what i've come to recognize as dysphoria.  if i was a boy, if my hair was tucked up in my hat and my chest flattened, would these and many others over the years feel free to comment so freely about my body to me?  i really don't think so.  and that shit sucks.

to me, my body is not a Female Body, despite its resemblance to the Traditional Female Body in its curves and shapes - it is not a Female Body, it is My Body.  my breasts are not female breasts, they are my thiddies and i'm really fond of how they look and like to show them off. like, artistically, they are a gift to the world. my long wavy curls are not Female Hair, they're Rockstar Hair, Fuck You, like i grew up with the old-school and grunge male rockstars i always saw as style icons (and the female rock stars too - huge long hair is a great look for everyone!).  idk if it's because i'm really Just That Pansexual that i can look at my societally-hyper-feminized form - extremely petit,  pale, significant boobs but no ass, skinny arms and legs - and say, you know, that could be a cute guy, right there.  

i've more recently in the past few years experimented now and then more towards as gender-neutral a presentation as i can, even though that just means people see me at a distance and think i'm a pre-teen boy. and yet, people treat pre-teen boys much better than they do almost-30 petit women, is the depressing lesson i've learned from that.  

I hate how much of my questioning of my gender identity is tied into negative experiences with other people and their relationships as strangers to my perceived femaleness.  like, i live in a pretty nice neighborhood now, but i hate going to the local gas station bc the block around it is just...holla bingo time.  last time i walked there by myself i wore knee-length loose shorts and an oversized men's plain t-shirt to go with my walking nikes and baseball cap, and i STILL got hollered at.  "hey, sweetheart! you need help carrying that? hey! hey, young lady!" i did not turn - i hate acknowledging men who holler.  "hey, baby, let me give you a ride to wherever you're goin! no one's gonna bother you!" i wanted to yell back "YOU. YOU'RE BOTHERING ME." but then, he was being significantly more polite than many of the people who've hollered at me over the years, so no point in engaging and hurting anybody's feelings or enduring the "i was just trying to be nice" conversation.

and that's the thing, like. i never feel bad about being percieved as female unless people are doing it in a hurtful way. matter of fact, i have no particular relationship to being female except in hurtful ways from other peoples' perceptions.  my body is genderless, as i am genderless, and it is my body. it does what it's supposed to do and has treated me well for how i've treated it over the years. i'm not mad at my body about it. i'm mad at the people who think my form gives them a right to treat me in unacceptable ways for what should be a polite society.  i get dysphoria from the man yelling from a work truck passing by when i'm just trying to get home from my work, "HEEEEY, LIL MAMA~!" I get dysphoria from being wished "happy mother's day!", or did back in 2014, when on break at work, and a significantly older lesbian gestured at me and said to the man in question, " does she LOOK like a mother to you??"

like listen, i like wearing cute little sundresses, or skin-tight tank tops and short-shorts.  you know why? because i live in florida and it's FUCKING HOT.  they are comfortable.  they are easy.  they are simple choices, that i am allowed to make because i am afab and present femme, and i like the way they look on me and like that i'm allowed this comfort in the heat.

i hate that wearing that for my own comfort gives people a seeming license to comment freely on my body.  i hate that presenting as a woman, a "woman", means people treat me this way.  i hate the bus driver that always says "hello there, little lady" when i board his bus, and i hate that he means well by it. i hate that even when i dress in my loose, masculine, don't-get-hollered-at clothes, i still get hollered at. and i find myself wondering, if i had short hair and no boobs, if i was just a 4'11" young teenage boy, would i get hollered at like this? and no. of course not.

but i don't want my gender identity to be the opposition of a negative in favor of a positive. this has gone into a series about street harrassment when in reality there are many reasons i identify more as male or non-female than because of this. i really don't feel much reason to identify as female other than solidarity with female victims of gendered and sexualized violence. which, alright, that's probably not the most positive way to feel. or reproductive health stuff.  alright, that's just the body i was born with, and i don't feel much connection to it otherwise.  i don't want to medically transition, i don't want to change my body, but like...

i don't really know what dysphoria actually is. is it the feeling of displacement in one's own home of self? is it feeling like everything about how everyone else views you is somehow shifted two wrong lenses over at the optometrist's office? is it just feeling like something...something's really wrong here? if so, i think i’m definitely experiencing dysphoria,.

hey, i'm maria/aril, and i'm trans.  i don't know how, exactly, but i am. and here we are.

[filliteapot]

fushigi yuugi was that manga i absolutely loved when i read when i was 16 y.o but now i hate it! what shame cause i really like the idea of it, with the four gods and stuff. Do you have a series that you change it how u view it too?

M… I don’t think so. Not to sound arrogant, but I’m pretty much confident about what i like xDDD I may not enjoy some type of stories as much as i used to (school romance or shoujo fantasy) but I don’t remember if I ever came to hate a certain story I admired (if I hate something for real, I usually do from the very beginning). Or I can grow colder to a story, like it was for example with D.Gray-man - but in this case it wasn’t bc I became older, got what is approved/disaproved in society and changed my opinion, but bc there was a long hiatus and considerable changes in the art and the story and it became something I can’t rly enjoy. Not sure though that if I re-read some things I was mad about some years ago I’d feel the same: the emotional impact may vary depending on how old you are and in what situation you find this story. Orange by Takano Ichigo, for example. I found this manga when I was in a situation very similar to the heroine and it helped me immensely to come through this, so then i didn’t care if it had flaws etc: I simply took what I needed from it and it was the most important thing then. But now my situation changed, so I’ll probably percieve it differently. I even think it wouldn’t have hit me so hard if it weren’t for my situation then.

It works other way round too, by the way. The older I get, the more I appreciate old school art styles which seemed to me ‘weird’ when i was younger. Also, same with some joseis: when I fit the age group it’s aimed at, it works better for me %)Six years ago I dropped watching Chihayafuru bc I just couldn’t get into this - and then I watched it now, I loved it: also because things changed for me and now Isee many things I can relate to in this show.

About FY: i kinda get what you feel about it (as I dropped the original FY and don’t plan to go back to it), but I wouldn’t claim it ‘objectively bad, 0/10 would recommend’. It’s sometimes badly written, with cheap and cliched ways to develop the plot, even naive etc but there is something about it that explains some of the story contents: it’s an oldschool thing. A great amount of problematic things (oh gosh i’m getting allergic to this word combination) FY has is common for many things that were published before 90s-00s: it doesn’t make these things justified, but I guess you should be aware of this particularity of old school manga and remember that you’re a person from 2019 with values of people from 2019 inspired by takes on the world, relationships etc that exist nowadays and that were different then. It amuses me tbh when people scream about certain things accusing these stories of anything and more and more forgetting when the story was published. But imo it doesn’t mean tho that such stories are outdated: I’m persuaded some problems existed and will always exist + oldschool writers can impress you with their way to treat these things and will show some subjects from a totally different perspective - which is also good for people, to see things from other povs, imo. In FY case though…. I can say pretty much nothing of it as I remember very little about the original manga, but I do appreciate the prequel Watase drew about 10 years after it - Genbu Kaiden.