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pinksturniolo · 5 months

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Biggest Hater - Part One

Matt Sturniolo x Fem Reader

Part 1 of 2

Alternate version of my Chris fic: Biggest Fan

Requested by the baddest! @muwapsturniolo

Summary: You just don’t get the hype of the Sturniolo Triplets like almost every girl your age does. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that you went to high school with them and Matt Sturniolo particularly, got on your nerves more than anyone you thought ever could. In fact, it has everything to do with that. And when you run into him a couple years later, at the peak of their fame, your feelings haven’t changed one bit. No matter how attractive you find him.

Content warnings: smut, fingering, thigh riding, car sex, loss of reader's virginity, mean!matt (even tho he’s an angel irl), ANGST AF, enemies to lovers trope (somewhat?), slightly toxic, weed smoking

disclaimer: matt and reader are both of age in the prom flashback. also, dont drive under the influence if that wasnt already obvious lol

word count: 4,325

Hate is a strong word. What does it really mean to hate someone? It’s a powerful human emotion that many say is dangerously close to the emotion of love. To feel so strongly about someone, that every time you see them or hear their name it evokes a strong reaction in you, can cause your heart to race in your chest, and your hands to shake.

That’s how you felt every time you saw or heard of Matt. Whenever you visit your family home in Somerville, that’s practically all you hear people talk about. How famous he and his brothers are now and how successful they’ve become. Literally every girl you know has a crush on them. Even your roommate, Stephanie. It gives you a migraine how much people talk about them.

You couldn’t help how much of a hater you were. It wasn’t like you to be like this, you were usually supportive of mostly everyone, especially people you knew or grew up with. You went to high school with the triplets, so you had the privilege firsthand to experience how they were before their YouTube fame.

Chris was funny, always making jokes in class and very talkative. You didn’t mind him as much, during the few interactions you had with him, you found him to be sweet and he was known as kind of a player, but you never saw or heard of him treating a girl with disrespect.

Nick was outspoken and opiniated which you appreciated, and always nice to everyone. You actually got along with him really well, usually pairing up with him for projects in the biology class you two had together. He even invited you over to his house to hang out a couple times, but you politely declined. You adored him but there was one person you just could not be around that would be there.

Matt. He got on your last nerve like no other. He had the worst attitude, and it bothered the fuck out of you. He was pretty quiet, and he often missed school. But the times you were around him, he gave you the dirtiest looks and rolled his eyes whenever you spoke. Why? You had no clue. He was also an instigator, constantly pitting you against Chris and Nick for no reason, which they usually ignored but it pissed you off, nonetheless. There was just something about him that fueled rage in you like you’ve never felt. And it did not help that you were so goddamn attracted to him.

Let’s be honest, all that tension and angst is bound to create a type of energy that just can’t be ignored. Even if it’s caused by someone you can’t stand.

Then, came senior prom. The events of that night and what happened after, forever solidified your hateful feelings towards him.

You had gone with separate dates of course, but somehow ended up alone together by the end of the night. You had a suspicion that your friends and his brothers had something to do with it, but you sat in awkward silence and moping next to him on the bleachers as the rest of your senior class danced on the gym floor.

Large social events like this were not your cup of tea and neither for Matt. You rest your chin in your hand as you lean on your knees, watching your date dance like an idiot. He was your ride home and you were starting to get fed up, tempted to call your parents to pick you up or even order an Uber.

“What an idiot.” Matt says to you, his eyes also on your date.

You scoff, “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“I mean, I knew you were a loser, but I didn’t think you were that desperate.”

You turn to glare at him. “I don’t see your pathetic date anywhere.”

“She was talking too much for my liking.”

“Wow, what a gentleman you are.” You shake your head, eyeing his outfit up and down. “Looks like you didn’t put much effort into your appearance either, so she must not be that special.”

He smirks at your response, his eyes on your body as well. “I wouldn’t be saying anything with that tacky dress you have on.”

You hit him on the arm, anger filling you from his words. “You’re such a dick.”

“Ow!” Matt rubs his arm, his face scrunched up in pain. “Now I see why your date left you, you really are a brat.”

You huff in annoyance, beginning to wonder why you were even sitting here next to him. You stand up, picking your dress up from around your feet so you can step down the bleachers.

“Wait, hold on.” Matt says suddenly, wrapping his hand around your wrist to stop you from leaving.

You stop and look at him, your eyebrows raised in expectation. His fingertips burn into you and his eyes somewhat soften when you look into them.

“Fuck- my bad. I’ll stop, I promise.” he says, stopping you from leaving.

You’re surprised at his words and his fingers removed from around your wrist, when he sees that you’re not leaving, standing over him. He avoids eye contact with you while you stare at the side of his face, his hands now stuffed in the pockets of his suit pants.

His hair is longer now than it usually was, a middle part that showed more of his face and he wore a pair of earrings that you secretly liked. Despite your earlier comment, you also thought the suit looked really good on him. Matt had always had a good sense of fashion, but if anyone asked you, you would say his wardrobe is basic and unattractive.

“You better have a good reason for me to stay Matt because I’m starting to get tired and I just wanna go lay in my bed.” You tell him, waiting for him to say something, your arms crossed.

It’s then that he pulls a joint from his pocket, a mischievous look on his face.

“You can get stoned with me and relax for once in your life.” He says and you hesitate for a second before he stands up, and starts walking down the bleachers, motioning for you to follow.

You don’t know why, but your feet seem to have a mind of their own as you follow him, out of the gym and around the corner of the school. At this point you really had nothing better to do, even if it meant getting high with Matt.

He leads you to the football field across from the gym to the press box at the top of the stadium. You both sit inside, smoke starting to fill the small room as you and Matt pass the joint back and forth until it’s finished.

You both are actually engaged in a conversation that isn’t an argument for once and you find yourself giggling with him. Whether it’s because of the weed or because it’s prom night, you’re not sure.

You look at your phone, the time now almost midnight. “I should probably head home.” You say, getting ready to call your parents.

“Do you have a curfew?” Matt asks, a look on his face like he’s hoping you’ll say no.

“Not really…” you answer, setting your phone back down on your lap.

“Wanna go for a drive?”

✿

Matt watches with a smile as you as you catch your breath, laughing hysterically from his spot-on impression of Nick when he’s angry. You wipe the tears from your eyes, having laughed so hard you were crying. Your hair has fallen from the perfect curls you took extra time on earlier, the strap of your dress sliding down your left shoulder.

He realizes you have a nice laugh, not hearing it often since you’re always pissed off around him. You look beautiful, even more than you usually do, especially like this. The moonlight shines on your skin and he can’t help but stare at you until you catch him, and he looks away shyly, his heart starting to pound in his chest.

You’ve both been sitting here for the past 30 minutes, parked at the now empty neighborhood playground by your house. Matt had driven around for a while, even stopped to get McDonald’s, before he decided the night wasn’t over just yet and lit up another joint after your highs came down.

Now you both were absolutely shitfaced, having the most fun you’ve had in a while. It’s surprising how much you and Matt actually get along under the influence, probably because it calmed you both down enough to forget your stubborn tempers and just enjoy good conversation and laughter.

“Why didn’t you ever come hang out when Nick invited you over? I’m having a blast right now.” Matt says, leaning his seat back a little to relax.

“I think you already know that answer.” You reply, and your eyes trail down his body and the way it looks as he leans back. He removed his suit jacket when you guys were in the drive thru earlier, and the sleeves of his white dress shirt are rolled up, his tie loose around his neck.

“Come on, you can’t really hate me that much can you?”

You sigh, looking away from him and out the window. Of course, he’s oblivious to how much he would actually bother you.

“Are you really that clueless?” You ask and look back at him. His eyes are glazed over and slightly red but incredibly blue.

“When it comes to you… yes.”

You scoff and roll your eyes, ignoring his response while brushing a hand through your hair and picking it up off the back of your neck. “God, its hot in here.” You say and he watches as you move your hair and lean your head to the side, your lips parted. Your slender neck looks inviting, and he can see your pulse jump.

He rolls the windows down slightly, letting most of the weed smoke filter out. His eyes are still on your face and when you return his gaze, this time, he doesn’t shy away.

“What?” You ask, the look on his face makes you nervous. He licks his lips as he looks back and forth between your eyes and your mouth, his jaw clenching.

The smoke has cleared but the air feels incredibly tense now as you stare back. Soft music plays on the radio and the wind blows through the trees outside. You feel like you’ve been transported to an alternate reality, the turn this night has taken starting to not feel real.

“Has anyone ever kissed you before?” Matt finally speaks, his voice barely above a whisper.

You feel your face heat in embarrassment at his question. “Uh… n-no.”

You internally cringe at the way you stutter, and the corners of his lips raise slightly at the flustered look on your face.

His hand comes up to your jaw, his thumb lightly brushing over your bottom lip. “Can I be your first?”

It’s no question that Matt has always found you attractive, even though he’s never voiced his thoughts to anyone about it. The problem is, he doesn't like most people and when it came to you, he just couldn’t swallow his pride enough to let his guard down. It turns out you two are extremely similar and it made you butt heads constantly. So, instead of letting himself let someone in for once, he chose to dislike you and it had always been easier that way.

But the way you look tonight, the infectious energy he’s getting from you now that he’s been alone with you for more than 5 minutes, it has him feeling something he’s never felt before.

Electric sparks crackle through you from his light touch on your lips and you almost open your mouth to taste him. But you’re still incredibly nervous. You haven’t had your first kiss yet, your first anything yet but all your thoughts can repeat is yes, yes, yes. Please be my first.

You nod and he leans over the middle console, his hand now firmly holding the side of your face, his fingertips sliding into your hair. Your heart threatens to go into cardiac arrest as he slowly presses his lips to yours, as if you might break like fine china.

But once your lips are connected, your nerves start to disappear and are replaced with feelings of excitement. They mold together almost perfectly, as he kisses your bottom lip and then your top one, his thumb stroking over your jaw. It feels incredibly sweet and tastes like sugar.

He pulls away slightly, his face still hovering over yours. You make eye contact and put your hands on his chest, your fingers grasping his shirt collar, afraid he might move away from you. “How’s that feel?” He breathes, his voice coming out in a rasp.

“Amazing...” You reply and he bites his bottom lip, his pants tightening from the look of pure want in your eyes. Before he can say anything, you kiss him again, this time with hunger and it feels like you’ve done it a million times before.

You expected your first kiss to be awkward, maybe even a little embarrassing. But this is nothing like that, your body heating and heart racing at the feeling of his wet, warm mouth against yours. He leads the kiss, both hands now on your face, his tongue sliding against yours.

It has your panties growing incredibly wet under your dress, and your breathing rapid as you grasp the tie around his neck, pulling it so he can get even closer than he already is. And then, he moans into your mouth and the sound has butterflies erupting inside you.

You decide you need more and push him back a little, disconnecting your lips. He starts to protest but then immediately stops when you climb over the middle and straddle him in the driver’s seat.

Luckily, the van is spacious and you’re not too uncomfortable as you sit on his lap, your dress riding up on your thighs. He places his hands on your hips as you kiss him again, gripping the silk harshly.

You can feel how hard he is under you, and he groans when you unknowingly grind against him, your body moving faster than your mind can think.

“Don’t do that.” He pants, catching his breath and stopping your hip movements. His eyes are closed, his eyebrows scrunched together as if he’s in pain. Your hands are on his broad shoulders, and they dip into his dress shirt through his loose collar, running your palms over his skin.

“What’s wrong? Does it hurt?” You ask and you move your hips again, this time a little slower. The feeling of his clothed dick against you has sparked a feeling of need in you that you’ve never felt.

He shakes his head, throwing it back against the headrest, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard. His grip slightly loosens on your hips but still tight on your dress as he allows you to grind down onto him. Your head falls into the crook of his neck as you let the pleasure of your movements take over.

He lets his eyes travel down to his crotch where there’s a large wet spot forming on his pants from your arousal. “Fuck…” He moans aloud and his dick throbs from the sight. He lifts your dress slightly and sees the outline of your lacy red underwear, his hands moving to grope your ass.

You’re panting against his neck and start to place soft kisses on his skin, eliciting more groaning from him. You reach your hand down to his belt, starting to unbuckle it.

“Y/N.” He says, stopping your hips firmly now. The tone in his voice makes you pull your head up and he’s trying to keep his resolve from completely slipping when he sees the way your eyes are blacked out in lust.

“I don’t want to do this if you’re not ready.” He says, searching your eyes for any hint of fear. He honestly didn’t expect an innocent kiss to turn into this.

You should’ve said no. You should’ve stopped it then and there, should’ve asked him to take you home.

Should’ve.

Could’ve.

Would’ve.

“Matt, I want this so bad right now. Please.” You whine, arousal clouding your mind and the feeling of your body on his is something you can’t refuse.

He gives in, his eyes on yours as he unbuckles his belt, and you lift slightly so he can pull his pants down just enough to the middle of his thighs. He guides you back down on him, this time so you sit around his left thigh.

You’re a little confused but he wraps his arms around your back, one of his hands tangling into the back of your hair as he holds you against him. “Just relax. Grind on me like you were doing earlier, baby. You were doing so good.” He instructs and the way he calls you baby has your heart fluttering in your chest.

He kisses you, and you do as he says, the feeling of his thigh tensing under you making your body heat with arousal again. You moan slightly, as you slide over him. He then pulls your panties to the side, so you’re bare against him, and the feeling has you both gasping.

“Oh… my god.” You breathe, failing to kiss him back as you shamelessly moan his name. You feel a strong need inside you, and you let your body move against him fluidly, your wetness coating his thigh.

Matt knows what he’s doing. He knows it’s your first time and he wants you to be comfortable. Granted, the minivan might not be the classiest place, but he’s enjoying it if you are. He wants you to know what it feels like to have an orgasm all on your own (besides the help of his thigh) before he’s inside you. Before he absolutely ruins you.

You’re whimpering now, your hips picking up the pace as you chase a different kind of high. He feels incredible and you want to feel embarrassed at the way you’re getting off on his thigh right now but all you can think of is how good it feels.

“Fuck, you’re so wet..” he groans, his own eyes closing in pleasure at the way your pussy feels, slippery and warm on him.

“Matt…” You whine, and he presses his forehead to yours, his hands on your lower back, helping you ride him. “I know baby, let go. Its okay.” He says softly and the coil that’s been building for the past 20 minutes since he kissed you, finally releases and warmth floods your body. You moan loudly and feel yourself leaking on his thigh, your hips slowing down.

You’re out of breath as your movements stop, your heart still racing. “So good, baby. You did so good.” He whispers and you can see and feel how hard he is in his boxers, as your hands brush over him. He grabs your wrists before you can continue.

“Nuh uh.” He simply hums and lifts you up slightly. “Get in the back.”

The dominant tone in his voice causes butterflies again as you climb off him and into the back seat, laying down. He follows shortly after, unbuttoning his shirt so it’s completely open now and pulls his pants all the way off. He puts one arm above your head as he hovers over you, a dark look in his eyes.

His soft hand moves up your thigh, goosebumps erupting across your skin, and he pushes your dress up to your waist. Your red panties are stilled pulled to the side, the wetness from your previous orgasm coating you. He bites his lip, running his fingers through your folds. You gasp from the feeling, still a little sensitive from earlier.

“Let me know if you need me to stop, okay?” He says and you nod, gripping onto his bicep.

He spreads your legs a little further, your knees against his waist and pushes a single fingertip inside you, slowly easing his finger in. There’s a little discomfort at first but it’s quickly replaced with pleasure when he starts pumping it in and out of you. He adds another finger, and you whimper at the feeling, this being completely different from when you were riding his thigh.

“You okay?” he asks, continuing to slide his fingers in you. “God, yes.” You moan, closing your eyes to the feeling. He smirks at your response and the sound of your wetness has him buzzing with arousal. He’s been incredibly attentive to you and patient, and his boxers are suffocating his achingly hard cock.

Your hips start to buck, as you crave more, his fingers starting to hit a spongy spot in your walls, a slow fire spreading within you. He removes his fingers completely, pushing your hips down.

You pout at the loss of contact, and he chuckles, pulling himself out of his boxers. “Not yet, sweetheart. Be patient for me.” He says and your eyes travel down to where he spreads your arousal from his fingers on his cock, stroking a few times to coat it.

You heard he was big but had assumed they were just silly rumors. You were so wrong.

You continue to stare, and he guides himself to your entrance, his hand now forcing your head up to look at him. “Eyes up here, baby.” He says, a smug smirk on his face.

He places a hand on your waist, his other hand still against the window above you as he pushes the tip into you. It’s a little overwhelming, and you’re not sure how he’s even going to fit all of it in you, but his touch relaxes you as he rubs soothingly over your hip, going as slowly as he can.

He’s halfway in, the burning already starting to disappear as he soon eases all the way into you, and your eyes nearly roll to the back of your head as you clench around him, the feeling of him snug in your walls.

“So fucking tight…” He groans, his jaw clenched and squeezes a little harsher on your hip. He leans down closer to you, his arm coming to rest next to your head. He stays still inside you, letting you adjust.

“Matt.” You moan, your hands moving into his hair, tugging at the roots.

“Yes baby? You feel alright?” He checks.

“Yes. Please move.” You respond and he obeys your words gladly, pulling out almost all the way only to bury himself inside again. He makes slow, deep thrusts into you and the feeling has your head swimming, your thighs clenching around him, and your jaw dropped open slightly.

The feeling is indescribable, and he struggles to not cum inside you after only the first sixty seconds. That’s how good you feel around him, soaking wet and so tight.

The windows of the van are completely fogged, the air thick and hot. Your moans and whimpers are swallowed as he kisses you, his thrusts slowly picking up in pace. You both are speechless and there’s an unspoken realization between the two of you as your bodies move together in sync, your lips attached, breathing in each other’s air. The outside world has drifted away, the sweet bubble of pleasure and desire encasing you two.

“Matt.. I’m gonna cum again..” You warn, feeling the release build and build, your legs starting to shake.

“I know, Y/N. I want you to, please. Cum for me.” He responds and the movements of hips against yours are uneven now, his own release slowly crumbling. You cry out as you orgasm for the second time tonight, your walls clenching around him. He’s panting your name as he releases his seed into you at the same time, his fingertips leaving bruises on your hip.

“So fucking proud of you.” He murmurs, an exhausted smile on his face.

Mind shattering. Body numbing. Earth quaking, unforgettable sex. Nothing compared to it.

These are the memories flooding your mind as you sit on the leather couch, a cold drink in your hand, and your friend next to you, leaning over to talk into your ear over the loud music of the party. “No fucking way. Are you seeing what I’m seeing right now?” She says and you take a sip of your drink, nodding your head. “Yup.”

Matt stands at the other side of the large living room, laughing with Chris and Nick and a few other people. He hasn’t noticed you yet, but as you keep your eyes on him, it’s as if he can feel you staring. He turns his head in your direction and once he makes eye contact with you, his smile falls, and for a second, he almost looks upset, his eyes lingering on you.

And then he looks away, whispering something to Chris and walks off, towards the hallway.

Of course, he would run away as soon as he saw you. He’s pathetic.

In fact, you feel pathetic thinking you wouldn’t run into him here in Boston, his hometown. At a party one of your mutual friends is throwing no less. But still, you were hoping, no, praying that the one time you decide to leave your house and socialize, you wouldn’t see him.

And now your heart feels like it’s going to fall out of your ass, your head filled with old feelings you can’t escape. You hadn’t talked to Matt since that night, two years ago. You hadn’t even seen him since graduation. You avoided any video or clip of him that would come across your phone. You couldn’t bear to look at him.

You fucking hated Matthew Sturniolo. For many, many good reasons.

a/n: please dont come at me for making matt so mean in this one!! 😔 and if this flops ill be so sad lol i hope yall like it so far

taglist <3: (if you want to be added/taken off, reply to this post or comment on my masterlist. and if you weren't mentioned, it wouldnt let me tag u :/)

@sturniolopepsi @tillies33ssss @whicked-hazlatwhore @riasturns @christhopersturniolo @junnniiieee07 @sturnsjtop @seahorsie11 @inveigledvex @honestlyjb @mattslolita @certifiednatelover @glassesmattsbae @eryismum @sturncakez @sturnioloco @wh0resstuff @ribread03 @sturniololoco @75sturn

#Spotify #matt sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo fanfic

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agendabymooner · 1 year

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MASTERLIST: A-N F1 DRIVERS by agendabymooner

LINK TO MASTERLIST: O-Z F1 DRIVERS by agendabymooner

LINK TO SOMETHING SINFUL (SMUT) MASTERLIST by agendabymooner (MINORS DNI)

note: I CANNOT OFFICIALLY FIT MY WORKS IN ONE POST 😭 so here is my alphabetical f1 masterlist!!!

legends/genre:

a = angst g = general fic hc = hurt/comfort h = humour

s = smut (minors, dni) mc = mature content (minors, dni) f = fluff

★ - newly added ♡ - favourite piece

ALSO CHECK OUT:

MOONY'S CHARACTER DIRECTORY

MOONY'S FILIPINO CHARACTERS DIRECTORY

alex albon (aa23)

front page lover (thai!kpop idol!ofc)

keeper, smau: polly berkshire has obscure interactions with her thirsty boyfriend and it's safe to say that they love each other.

fashion week, smau: the williams driver and polly always got something for everyone to talk about.

double aa, socmed snapshot: a series of instagram stories in which alex is a dad to alice albon

own it, smau: alex's hidden talent is being a good boyfriend with a dash of photographer. ★

fernando alonso (fa14)

the breakup and makeup series (pro wrestler!ofc)

time to rock and roll, fic: the first time beatrice staedtlander and fernando alonso had broken up. (hc) ♡

heaven, smau: back in 2000s, fernando alonso and beatrice anastasia 'trish' staedtlander were every racing and wrestling fans' couple. years after, trish alonso became a mother and a wife... and the grid's crush of the season. fernando was certainly not happy so what's a better way to remind everyone that he was hers? (f, g, h)

from the ground up, smau: tino and tiago alonso were the twins that trish had given birth to at the age of 40, and everyone understood now why she didn't make it to the 2024 canadian gp. (f)

look what god gave her, smau: beatrice 'trish' alonso survived fernando's messy image better than anybody did. (f, g, h)

bonnie and the fame

maneater, smau: bonnie catherine sutton was carlos sainz's ex-girlfriend who returned to the f1 scene as a different woman. turns out, she's fernando alonso's fiancée (f)

ego, smau: never underestimate a woman's self-esteem, it might end up wounding you more than it would her.

oliver bearman (ob8)

ice ice baby, smau: kimi raikkonen's daughter romania raikkonen debuted in formula one with her friends AND it's safe to say that the iceman doesn't like ollie that much.

icy in saudi, smau: aroma raikkonen was ollie's biggest supporter in his f1 debut. plus, she also had her personal 'reverse harem' consisting of her best friends in the f2 grid. ★

ollie on thin ice(man), scenario: kimi raikkonen had proven himself to be oliver bearman's biggest hater at some point. ★

jenson button (jb22)

pride and pettiness (x british!actress!ofc)

one, 2004: in which, ada and jenson met for the first time.

the mr. darcy type, smau: much like the popular love interest, jenson should have known better than to say things that wouldn't impress a woman he grew interested in. OR ada abbott made sure that he worked hard for her time and attention. (f) ♡

shunt the hell up! (x hunt!driver!ofc)

shunt your lovers, kiss your enemies. smau: it was funny how enemies can be your teammate AND your lover at the same time. OR jj hunt, the daughter of the late james hunt, was jenson's biggest rival until a certain baby predicament cost her her entire racing career. (g) ♡

better enemies than strangers, smau: the brawn gp docuseries discussed jj hunt and the surprising turn of events in her rivalry/partnership with jenson in 2009. ★

other works

affection, blurb: in which, jenson learned that he should just say it without being a little too drunk.

pierre gasly (pg10)

newsflash, smau: ensley soleil doesn’t like playboys. too bad, pierre gasly’s down bad for her (attention and love). (f, g, h)

odds, fic: their timing was always wrong, maybe that's why pierre should consider making it even for the two of them as she writes songs about him and their courtship.

lowkey, smau: fans thought that pierre moved on from ensley four months after publicly declaring his (love?) for her. funnily enough... (f, g, h)

indigo, chatfic + smau: there's really no reason for pierre gasly to be jealous over some man that ensley wrote 'high school in jakarta' about. not when she wrote one or more songs about the frenchman. (f) ♡

high school in jakarta, fic: meeting ensley’s close friends would also mean that he’d have to meet her high school sweetheart, who he believed he couldn’t compete against until ensley ensured that his two-day attendance wouldn’t be spoiled by some guy who couldn’t let go of some memories she couldn’t even remember. ♡

dancing with the devil, smau: ensley soleil doesn't care about what people are saying about her relationship with pierre especially now that she's married to him. (f)

vintage, smau: pierre gasly is a husband and a fanboy of ensley soleil gasly amongst other things. (f)

hot dad era, socmed snapshot: pierre gasly. 30% f1 driver 70% dilf.

other works

do i make you nervous, blurb: lesson learned: just date her first rather than being friendly in the bed.

lewis hamilton (lh44)

stevie and lewis (hearth sister!ofc)

thick and thin, smau + fic: lewis should know better than underestimating her and her capabilities to yearn for him for years. (hc)

hands on and paws on, socmed snapshot: lewis is a stay-at-home dad to lottie hamilton and his best boy, roscoe, happens to watch his mummys everywhere she goes as she carries baby hamilton #2.

the hamilton daycare, fic: lewis is already a stay-at-home dad so what makes his day out in monaco with his two kids any different? (f) (2/3 of daddy, debriefed!)

where the bad girls are (kpop idol!ofc)

lifted, smau: lewis is married to a kpop idol who happened to be one of the girls to shape the image of female groups in the korean pop community.

crowned couple (x miss universe!ofc)

the couple of the universe, smau: lewis is a careless being this season and everyone's wondering why.

melody series (x performer!ofc)

summary: with her sharp eyes focused on her audience, a burlesque performer who went under the name of melody returned to rythme romantique, an entertainment lounge which exclusively caters to the wealthiest people of monaco — or in this case, to the people with a status that are recognized by all. her three exclusive performances were meant to be a closure for her connections in the principality. still, a certain formula one driver saw it as an opportunity to reconnect with his former flame after two years of her absence. felicity vos learned that this was a rich man’s world and that he could do whatever he wanted, but she also realized that the agreement they settled on years ago was corrupted the moment he expressed his love for her.

one, million dollar man: monaco was a world of glitz and glamour that she left two years ago. returning to the principality clearly was a huge mistake as she found herself talking to the man who swore to nothing but his love for her.

two, this is what makes us girls: "decorum isn't something you can buy with money or fame." or what did lewis really want from her and why did he show up on the second night of her performance?

arthur leclerc (al12)

the scheming schumachers, smau: sunny schumacher is mick's cousin and what does a family do? they attract arthur leclerc to get him away from his best friend, who happens to be mick's girlfriend. thankfully, the schumacher cousin is something of a welcome distraction for the monegasque.

charles leclerc (cl16)

the leclerc boys series (x hearth sister!ofc)

debunking drama, smau: prequel to of long lines and names; aimee hearth, the mclaren media manager and one of the famous hearth sisters, was rumoured to be dating lando norris. a certain monegasque's baffled reaction became a trending topic in twitter as he counteracts the rumour with an instagram post of his lover. (f, h)

many kids with many names, smau: everyone found out that aimee and charles were having not only one but two babies. turned out, those two babies have at least a million name. (h) ★

of long lines and names, fic: five kids with (almost) five names under six years. OR the three pregnancies that charles had witnessed told him how motherhood and memories could come in two sets of twins and a boy that looked so much like him. (f)

the leclerc daycare, fic: before his last set of twins were born, charles had to watch his boys on his own- not exactly by himself when he's got esteban and pierre acting as his right hand men. (f) (1/3 of daddy, debriefed!) ♡

about names, scenario fics

summary: extension to of long lines and names and the leclerc daycare; charles and aimee's boys and their names go hand in hand OR times when the couple had to tell their kids that their names were signs of love and respect for their namesakes.

one, an amazing boy with an amazing name: hervé's anger left his parents confused after he refused to be called by his first name. thankfully, his mamé pascale had an easy access to his heart that eventually led to an answer to his sadness.

two, the wingman of maranello: jules leclerc learned two things as he travelled to italy with his father: he had an uncle named uncle teague and uncle teague had a best friend that was once charles' godfather.

other pieces

"slut", smau: charles' ex trashed his new girlfriend a while ago, but too bad he wasn't really into the thought of making music with anyone but lou villar.

breaking curses not hearts, smau: frankie bardot atkinson was also known for her curse in the film industry. after breaking her long streaked curse and finally won an oscar, was it finally charles' time to break his curse at monza gp?

kevin magnussen (km20)

family ties, smau: lando norris forgot that his brother-in-law is in the grid with him and lola norris magnussen couldn't help but make of her brother for it.

lando norris (ln4)

lover era (x alessandro sister!writer!ofc)

london boy, smau: nicola 'cola' alessandro moved to britain and what's a better way to introduce yourself to england than taking a trip around with a certain mclaren driver? (f, g, h)

i think he knows, smau: grazia nichols published her debut novel based off formula one, and a fan could have sworn that the the book bf - nolan langford - was based off of lando's character as a driver altogether. (f, g, h)

✿ honey, honey! series masterlist - lando norris x ofc (honey-sue lewis) ft. sidemen

other pieces

too good to be true, smau: just a brief overview of lando’s relationship with a countryside girl who, beyond her introverted tendencies, was an unhinged, unserious yet amazing mother and girlfriend. ★

f1 drivers (general)

✿ 9 to 5 series masterlist - f1 grid x ofc (lester alessandro) ft. fictional wolff kids

✿ f1 voicemail blurbs - series of blurbs with voicemails left by the drivers. ★

too much caring, smau, sv5 + jb22: kpop idol juno was assumed to have cheated on retired driver jenson button with his best mate sebastian vettel. oh how wrong those people were...

#formula one masterlist #f1 masterlist #formula one fic #f1 fic #f1 imagine #formula one smau #f1 smau #f1 fanfic #formula one imagine #formula 1 masterlist #formula one series

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caelivir · 2 months

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surrender | rayne ames

synopsis. rayne ames can’t stop staring at you tonight, which is strange, considering the fact that he loathes your guts.

pairing. rayne ames x fem!reader, | wc. 4.1k | genres. haters to lovers, tension, jealousy, rayne's hot and obsessed and reader's in denial | warnings. reader wears lipstick but it's mentioned once at the end, they make out what's new (it's good for my the soul), a bit suggestive

notes. tbh this wasn't supposed to be as long as it is. what a yap fest. blame my hormones and the weeknd. this is ugly and i hate it but it will have to do while i continue working on other fics.

you can’t comprehend why he’s here. the rest of the student body can’t either because the moment he walked through those doors all eyes were on him.

you’re positive that rayne ames had to have some devil whispering in his ear. how else would he be convinced to attend a grand event such as this one? dancing? socializing? it’s not his style, especially when he knows that every guy and girl within a ten foot radius would be jumping at the chance to have his attention.

you’re point is proven right in the next three seconds. you can already spot girls batting their eyelashes at him. you can see them trying to coerce him into a dance. on any other day you’d scoff at their fawning over an asshole like rayne.

however, you can’t seem to bring yourself to say that tonight. rayne’s half blonde, half jet black hair is styled in a wet curtain cut with long loose strands falling in front of his forehead. he wears a black two piece suit with the coat sporting various decorations.

there are two sets of silver chains that are pinned just below each one of his shoulders. each set is comprised of five chains. one directly connects a line between two metallic circles. two chains of varying lengths begin at one button before swooping a short distance down the front of rayne’s coat before linking back to the second circle that hangs lower than its counterpart. the remaining three chains follow the same pattern except they droop down the side of his arm, nearing the peak of the dip at the middle of his upper arm and rising back up to the coat’s shoulder pads that have sleek silver suns on top of them.

under the jacket, the visionary dons a white dress shirt that is tucked into his pants. however, the piece is damn near transparent, and the top buttons remain undone, exposing some of the skin of his torso. to finish the look off, rayne wears one singular necklace with a sword pendant.

you hate it, and you hate whoever styled him because tonight he's a dangerously gorgeous devil that's making your heart pound at an embarrassingly alarming rate. your eyes are glued to him no matter how badly your mind screams at you to look away. yet just as you can't tear your gaze away from him, rayne is equally unable to focus on anyone else that isn't you.

he inhales a deep breath of air before carving a path to your position at the food table. the alarms in your head go off in panic. you can't exactly play off the fact that you were so blatantly ogling him so instead you own up to it, masking your flustered expression with a glare in his direction.

"well if it isn't the devil himself." you taunt when he nears, soaking in the half blonde's formal look one more time. "what made you decide to crawl out of hell tonight?"

"i could ask you the same thing." rayne answers bluntly, and you scowl because he knows that you hate when he turns your snarky comments back on you.

"why'd i even bother?" you roll your eyes with a scoff, directing your attention to bite-size appetizers in front of you.

"let me know when you find the answer to that." the visionary responds, causing a muscle in your cheek to twitch in irritation.

rayne doesn’t move from his spot. in fact, he’s standing so close to you that your arm brushes against the black fabric of his coat and the cold silver chains on the side of his arm.

"can you move?" you snap, annoyed because now your senses are being filled with his scent—an intoxicating mix of cinnamon and cardamom that makes your mind go fuzzy.

"i can't have food?" rayne cockily raises an eyebrow at you before randomly picking up a tomato basil puff off the plate. he chews it thoughtfully, and through the micro expressions of his face, you come to understand that he is pleased with its taste.

you bundle your fists tightly to release some of your nerves. a breath of air enters your lungs to steady yourself. you remind yourself to not get swept up in his games. rayne ames will not ruin your night. all of these affirmations lead you to the decision to leave him by the food table.

however before you can do that, the music slows to an end, and people take it as a sign to scramble for a partner before the next piece starts up again. as for you, you're immediately confronted by a tall blonde boy in your grade. he kindly extends a hand out to you that’s shaking very discreetly. "may i have this dance?"

you mentally grimace because you're still on edge due to rayne, but you don't have the heart to turn the guy down when he so obviously worked up the courage to come up to you. reluctantly, you accept his offer with a meager nod, and as he takes you by the hand, you involuntarily glance back at rayne, who has been staring the entire interaction down like a hawk.

the boy leads you to an open spot on the dance floor and doesn't hesitate to take the lead once a graceful waltz composition begins. you try to pay attention to the guy's little ramblings about duelo as you glide across the floor, but your mind wanders back to rayne.

what would it be like to have his hand on your back or your hand interlocked with his? would it light a blaze upon your skin? why do you even want to find out?

your eyes drift across the expanse of the enormous ballroom, scanning for that half blonde pain in your ass. after several moments of searching, you find rayne standing off to the side, back leaned against one of the pillars. he switched his food out for apple cider in a champagne glass. he stands with max land and other faces you aren't familiar with. whatever conversation they're having, rayne isn't following; his sole focus is on you and only you.

there's something dark lurking beneath his eyes. the intensity of his gaze generates shivers down the line of your spine. you think that the glass in his hands might shatter in his grip.

"are you alright?" your partner questions, and it brings your concentration back onto him. "are you cold?"

you present him a tight grin. "i'm good. you don't have to worry about me."

the boy in front of you accepts your answer without any suspicion and continues leading the dance until the song finally comes to an finishes. yet even when the waltz ends, and you thank your partner for the dance, he sticks by you. that's fine. he’s a nice guy who means no harm, but because you're severely distracted right now, he is the last thing on your mind.

he gently guides you through the room, keeping a hand on the small of your back protectively as you squeeze between the crowd. you force yourself to engage in conversation with the friends he introduces you to. you laugh at the appropriate times and give your two cents into a topic should it be deemed necessary, all in attempt to ignore the burning sensation of eyes drilling into the back of your neck. each time you catch him, rayne doesn't dare to avert his gaze. he’s shameless in that matter. he'll maintain this eye contact with you until you're the first one to tear away with your face a burning mess.

as the night progresses, you're losing the patience to withstand it. the guy in front of you. rayne. thoughts of rayne. your head is swirling in confusion, and you need new air and silence in order to calm yourself.

when you're sure rayne isn't watching, you dismiss yourself from your partner with a pathetic excuse that you need to quickly use the washroom that he buys instantaneously. and when the crowd hides you completely, you sneak off in the total opposite direction of the restroom.

you navigate your way through the venue until you find the exit that leads to gardens in the back. you pay no mind to party raging behind you, only straying yourself further and further from the noise until you're met with silence. it's only then that you're able to feel your heart slowing down it's pace.

you continue wandering until you find a gazebo hidden deep within the gardens. the structure is surrounded by flowers of varying colors and species. its posts are wrapped in vibrantly green vines. there are no seats built into it, but it will have to suffice as a place to rest and cool your head.

you lean back into one of the wooden posts, shutting your eyes as you inhale the scent of cold, wet, grassy air. when the brewing storm in your mind finally calms, all that remains is a certain divine visionary.

never in all of your years of knowing rayne ames would you have ever thought your emotions involving him would end up conflicting like this. you loathe him; you have since the day you met. so you can't seem to fathom what changed tonight. can it really be all because of a mere suit and new styling of his hair? how pathetic.

and his eyes… those damn yellow eyes that follow your every move. how can they ignite a fury of butterflies in your stomach?

and you don't even have the time to figure it out before your ears pick up on the sound of frantic footsteps and rattling chains that encroach closer and closer to you. your eyes fling wide open, and your body instantly freezes at the sight before you.

rayne ames stands in front of the garden gazebo, chest quickly rising and falling as he pants out breaths that turn visible in the cold winter air. his styled hair isn't as kept as it was before. it's lost its volume and his loose strands of hair cling to his skin, most likely due to the thin coat of sweat that you can barely see under the dim moonlight. yet, he still looks so incredibly breathtaking. the half blonde's eyebrows are brought together in a mix of relief and worry, and you don't know what to make of it.

you don't get it anymore. what is he doing? what is his goddamn game? why, just why, is he standing before you?

the reason behind rayne’s appearance at the winter ball is so incredibly petty that he’s ashamed to even admit it out loud. he had overheard a blonde on the duelo team claim that he was going to dance with you that night.

the irritation that arose in the pits of his stomach during that moment could not be described. did that fool really think he stood a chance with you? you were completely out of his league.

the thought of you dancing with another man haunted rayne for days. each time it crossed his mind, he’d get so annoyed that he’d snap the quill he was writing with into two pieces.

it was stupidly impulsive to come to this ridiculous school ball. rayne knew that, but a part of him was desperate to find out what would happen. could the blond fool pull it off, and what were you going to do if he did? he's well-aware that you aren't his lover or his friend, and yet that didn't seem to stop him from being concerned about matters involving you.

it’s truly a puzzle because rayne is so positive of the fact that he hates you, but the moment he walked through the entrance, all certainty of that fact became debatable again.

he stands before you, separated by the crowd of students who are just as shocked as you are. he can tell that you hadn’t expected for this. and with your eyes locked onto each other, you both enter a new dimension—one where everyone else fades away.

in a sea of blurred, barely present faces, you are the only one that was clear, a face so beyond the words of beautiful. rayne feels like he had the air knocked out of his lungs. is his heart speeding up, or is it stopping? he can’t tell anymore. he’s losing his senses. to combat that, he takes a deep breath of air.

rayne doesn’t even see the girls tugging at his arms or the guys trying to start up a conversation. it’s only you, and like an iron attracted to a magnet, his feet pull him to where you are before he has the chance to realize it.

you’re quick with your snarky comments that attempt to drag him, but even then, you're beautiful. it's baffling how hopeless of a fool he is for you. it’s a miracle that rayne has half the mind to retort your jabs, and he is definitely glad that the food table acted as a cover up.

however, the visionary’s mood sours when that damn blond duelo player comes up to you, asking for a dance a whole lot earlier than he anticipated. rayne can’t make out your expression, but he does notice the nod of your head and the way you extend your hand to slide onto his, but not without giving the half blond a glance back.

rayne's gripping the edge of the table so tightly his knuckles go white. as you leave, another girl walks up to rayne, and he flat out ignores her, picking off a champagne glass from a server that happens to walk by him.

trying to cool his head, rayne ames finds max land in a matter of seconds, and he opts to stick by him. he doesn’t engage in any form of conversation with max, despite the multiple times his best friend has been trying to get his attention.

he'll apologize for it later, but every drop of focus that rayne possesses is on you as you move along the floor. the blond is talking your ear off, and the visionary is aware that you aren't fully listening because your eyes keep drifting back to him.

the fact that rayne doesn’t ever tear his eyes off you has you looking away in nervousness. it’s so unlike you. you��re always so confident in your confrontations against him, but it appears to be different tonight. it seems like everything is.

the longer he stares the more rayne hates the hand that is gently wrapped around yours. he hates the smiles that the blond duelo pulls from you simple because he is simply not worthy of them. he hates that even after the stupid waltz is over you're dragged to meet his friends.

the visionary has no right to be feeling like this, especially after all the verbal arguments and harsh words. but each time you look at him tonight with those star-filled eyes, rayne swears that he'll make it up to you for the rest of your lives.

"rayne, the suit is amazing. where'd you get it from? i haven't seen anything like it." one of max's friends asks, which finally drags the half blond's attention away from you.

"ryoh grantz." he replies dryly.

"you got this from the light cane?!"

"that's what i said, didn't i?" the visionary glares, visibly annoyed.

"oh. y-yeah." the guy chuckles awkwardly, rubbing the nape of his neck. it's then when he realizes that any attempt of conversation with rayne ames is futile so he switches the topic.

when the half blond drags his eyes back to you, he nearly loses grip on the champagne glass that he's been holding for a while. "she's gone." rayne mutters to himself, yet somehow over all the noise, max hears him.

max land peers over the crowd, finding the spot where you last stood. the blondie you were with is huddled with his friends, but you are no longer in sight. the brown haired boy hums. "i think your staring scared her off."

rayne narrows his eyes at his friend who only raises his hands in defense. the divine visionary scans the entire room, expecting you to be gathered with a different group of people, but you're not. you're not in here at all. "damn it." he curses with a hiss, ditching max to search for you.

if his best friend protests or calls for rayne, he doesn't hear it. max is the least of his concerns right now.

he leaves the empty glass onto the nearest table and begins a distraught search. he does a lap around the entire room, thinking that it'll make you appear again, but his efforts bear no fruit. he wanders up and down the halls, giving everyone he passes a quick glance, only to find that they're not you.

rayne finds an entrance that leads to the back gardens, and he's praying that you're somewhere there. he doesn't know how long he spends running around. his dress shirt is sticking to his skin, and his hair is falling out of place. the venue for the ball is so far behind him to the point that he can't even hear the music or noisy chatter anymore.

despite the burn in his calves, he pushes deeper into the gardens, jogging until a gazebo catches his eye. it's hard to see in the moonlight, but rayne swears that he sees the shadow of a figure. it's his last hope; he's praying that it's you.

the half blond jogs up to the steps. the chains of his suit rattle as he does so. he realizes then that it is you. relief, worry, and anger hit him all at once, but in your eyes, he can't say the same. there is no malice, only confliction, and rayne decides right then and there.

he's going to open his heart to you.

"what are you doing here, rayne?" you ask, practically defeated.

"what about you?" he snaps back harsher than he ever has before. he takes angry steps up the stairs. "it's fucking freezing, and you decide to come out here alone. do you even realize how far the venue is right now? do you know how much i was-" rayne stops himself mid-sentence, curling his fists by his side.

"no, tell me." you demand, walking closer to him. "what is it? you are always so blunt. what's stopping you now, huh? spit it out."

"i was worried about you." he answers quietly.

your heart swells when you hear it, but you choose to suppress it instead because that can't possibly be right. "worried?! why on earth would you ever be worried about me? you hate me, rayne ames, and i hate you. all we ever do is torment each other. it's exactly why you kept staring at me tonight. i couldn't focus on anything but you. that's what you wanted, right? you wanted me off my guard? well, congratulations asshole. you won. now leave me alone."

"no." the boy in front of you sternly denies.

"no? god, you have some fucking nerve-" you fume.

"i'm not leaving you alone." rayne clenches his jaw, staring deep into your eyes. you force yourself to swallow. "i haven't left you alone since the day we met, and i'm not leaving you alone now."

you scoff, trying to push past rayne, but he blocks your path. "move, rayne."

he ignores you altogether. "you want to know why i'm so worried about you, hm? here's your answer." rayne's voice is low, almost dangerous as he speaks. he steps closer to you, nearly pressing your bodies together. the heat that radiates off him is electrifying.

"you've been stuck in my head for the last week, and it's all because of that blond buffoon on the duelo team." rayne scowls. "i heard him. i knew that he wanted to dance with you, and it pissed me off. i couldn't imagine his hand on your back or his hand on yours without feeling my blood boil, and i hated every second that you were with him tonight. it was torture."

"jealousy?" you breathe out, trying to belittle him as you do so, but you fail miserably when your eyes dart to rayne's lips. "you might as well be obsessed with me."

"maybe i am." rayne's hand reaches up to trail the pearls of your necklace. his hand then moves further up your neck, fingers gently tickling your skin as they pass before resting on the side of your throat. "i might've been obsessed with you the moment your pretty little mouth started talking back to me. hell, i might even be in love with you."

in that moment, you feel your breath hitch. your eyes open wider in disbelief, and that doesn't deter the divine visionary in front of you at all. you try reading him, trying to find any sort of sign that this whole thing is a joke, but deep down you know. you said it yourself moments earlier. rayne's honest and blunt to a fault. he wouldn't say something he doesn't mean.

"the sight of you is enough to bring a man to his knees. you have me wrapped around your finger, (y/n). just say the word, and i'll be yours."

you don't know when rayne's face had gotten so close, but you can feel his breath fanning along yours. you can indulge in that cardamum and cinnamon scent that brings your brain to a high.

"rayne..." you whisper, brushing the loose strands of hair away from his forehead even though they return to the same place they were once before.

and as he admires you with those eyes, eyes that look at you as if you created the world and spun it on its axis, you surrender. you close the gap between the two of you because you're tired.

you're tired of acting like the thought that you want him has never crossed your mind. you're tired of acting like he's isn't stupidly hot whenever he puts you in your place, you're tired of pretending that you've never wanted to slam your lips against his just to shut him up.

rayne said he might've been obsessed with you from the moment you started arguing with him. well, you might've been obsessed with him when you realized that he wasn't going to tolerate any of your attitude. it's probably why you constantly picked fights with him. all the tension and unspoken words and lust came as a result. it was bound to boil over eventually.

you told yourself to not get swept up in him, and yet here you are, completely drowning. you chase each other like you're both starved. the kiss so desperate and powerful that rayne backs you up into one of the gazebo posts. the contact makes you gasp, and rayne uses it as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. you'll have to press him about this later. for a guy who avoids women like the plague, he sure knows how to kiss you to euphoria.

your senses are so overloaded that you grip onto the open fabric of rayne's white dress shirt to keep you up. it effectively pulls him closer, making him groan. you lightly trail your nails down the exposed skin of his chest. you feel the visionary shiver before you, and you know that he's putty in your hands. you continue that path down, feeling the faint outline of his abs through his shirt.

rayne pulls away only to continue burning hot kisses down your neck and onto your collarbone. he nips and sucks on your skin, and you know that it's sure to leave marks, but in the moment, you can't help but whine his name. you let him have his fun until the feeling of missing his lips on yours is overbearing.

you force rayne up by his chin, and he almost looks disappointed. you smirk once you notice the smearing of lipstick on his face and the uneven rhythm of his breathing.

"what a mess you are." you tease, toying with rayne's bottom lip with your thumb.

"do you really have to do this right now?" rayne complains lightheartedly, all while placing kisses onto the inside of your palm, making you giggle.

"always." you wink, and your hands wander back down to his chest. "kiss me?"

rayne cups one half of your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb. "always." he replies, diving into the addiction that is you once more.

@kyoghurts @seneon hey...

#anime #manga #mashle #mashle magic and muscles #mashle x reader #rayne ames #rayne x reader #rayne ames x reader #mashle fluff #rayne fluff #° ᡣ𐭩 set i: fics

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yeonboy · 1 year

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𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐞𝐬 ♡ choi soobin.

If it was up to you, you would worship the very ground Choi Soobin walks. No, you’re not a simp, he’s just that amazing – the star of your college’s broadcasting club, your role model, the reason why you even have a dream career, and…someone you’d really like to make out with if he’d allow it. But the first ever conversation you have with him has your rose-tinted, star-studded glasses shattering to pieces when he turns out to be a huge jerk. Is this just a misunderstanding or is it the end?

❧ choi soobin x f. reader | 16+ | college!au ♡ strangers to lovers!au ♡ angst ♡ fluff

❧ 10 k words

❧ warnings! inaccuracies wrt broadcasting journalism majors & college broadcasting clubs, profanity, some suggestive language, misunderstandings, allusions to slut-shaming, soobin being an accidental (?) asshole, some heartbreak, some conflict, some yelling, insecurities wrt social standing in college, yn is a certified soob simp™ but goes thru a hater era for half a day </3, stinky cute fluff later on, some cringe, so much blushinG it’ll make u sick, a make out sesh, cameo by yj & his girl from fic 1 bec i love them sm :(

❧ note! set in the same universe as no one but you. i’ve been working on this since marCh, idk why it took me so long to finish? the wc def ran away from me a little whoops! anyways, this gets rough in the middle – soobin might shock u with his behavior but it will all get resolved, i promise!

leave me feedback if you like this! follow for more! (:

❧ masterlist | inbox ⁘

“I’m sorry, the tryouts are closed!”

You blink. Take a step away. Peek at the huge poster stuck on the huger double doors to the auditorium. The notice says the tryouts would run from four to six in the evening – it’s presently five minutes past five. What the heck?

Around you, you notice a number of girls looking as disgruntled as you feel. You approach one. “Uh, hey…did you already do your piece?”

The girl twirls a vibrant purple strand of hair around her finger and rolls her eyes. “Nope. Choi’s bitch ass shut the doors unannounced ’cause he’s pissed off for some reason.”

Choi? Bitch ass? This girl can’t possibly be talking about the Choi Soobin, right? The prince of the university’s broadcasting club who always emcees every single stage performance the university hosts?

No, she can’t be. No one would refer to the Choi Soobin’s glorious behind as ‘bitch ass.’ Besides, you really don’t think he’d sit around judging freshmen entrants to the club when he’s got so many better, so much cooler things on his schedule.

Choi Soobin the Great has been in this club for three years, two of which he has spent as its president. That, in itself, should be pretty explanatory with regards to how skilled he is at the whole announcer, emcee, broadcast business.

His extraordinary talent with the mic is what inspired you to pick broadcast journalism as your major, in fact. You'd entered the university on jittery, scared steps because you didn't believe you would actually find something that interested you enough to make a career out of. You spent a whole academic year fluttering between psych and communication, aimless and despaired.

But then came sophomore year where you volunteered to set things up for the new freshman batch's orientation week – and that is when you saw Choi Soobin, a fellow sophomore, take the stage and blow everyone away. He was so good with his audience of the new admittees, providing them with all the important information without making them feel nervous because he used the perfect amount of jokes as a buffer.

It was love at first sight for you.

Okay, like, not like that. You did end up making an altar for Choi Soobin the Great where you continue to worship on the daily because he's a god on stage, but what you actually fell in love with was the art of emceeing.

So you registered your major in your third semester and began to work on polishing your skills. Now, two semesters later and midway through the junior year, you finally feel confident and prepared enough to enter your God's actual, holy shrine and join his praying circle.

…maybe you should stop with these metaphors before it gets weird.

Anyways.

Case in point – unlike this uninformed rodent of a girl who found it fit to disrespect your role model and gave up on these tryouts in favor of rolling her eyes and complaining in the hallway, you are nothing if not strong-willed.

You are finally ready to do something about your one true passion that you can actually see yourself pursuing professionally after college. Being part of the university's broadcasting club means guaranteed dream job; you've seen it happen with your eyes for two consecutive years. You're finally ready to follow suit; finally ready to join the ranks of the elite and learn from Choi Soobin the Great himself – and you are not about to let a gruff call of "tryouts are closed" from an overworked janitor deter you.

Checking this way and that for any onlookers, you sneak off to the narrow passage to the side that you know connects to this auditorium's back door, and in turn, the cafeteria. You're just gonna casually stroll through it, maybe loiter a bit around the doors until someone from the judges panel steps out so that you can beg them to give you a chance. And if someone catches you? You were just looking for the cafe!

It's the perfect plan.

Until, that is, your loitering ends with the legend himself, Choi Soobin the Great stepping out of the backdoor and freezing you to a statue.

You've seen the man from afar more times than you can count on both hands. You're a true fan, a great admirer, a semi-obsessed devotee (?) of his. But never once have you seen the guy from this up close. Needless to say, your brain's short circuiting a little.

Three things strike you all at one – that the university's emcee prince did, in fact, sit in to judge freshman entrants to the broadcasting club despite his various busy schedules; that the purple haired female auditionee actually did call this great man's glorious behind 'bitch ass' like an uncultured heathen; and finally, that Choi Soobin sporting a combination of dark black hair, bright red lips and stark white t-shirt should be banned because it can cause brain malfunctions in people.

Because while the guy's eyes widen and then squint as he looks at you, and mouth opens as if to say something to you – you stay absolutely frozen, literally turned to stone without a single muscle moving in your body. Including your lungs that are jammed because you're pretty sure you aren't breathing.

"Um… can I help you?"

Oh shit, his dimples…

His dimples!

You realise this is entering borderline creepy territory but you can't help staring at him. He's just so pretty. Though your brain functions are still experiencing a slight lag, you're starting to realize that your crush on the guy is winning over the admiration and respect you have for his talents, at the moment.

He's ethereal. He's unearthly. He's the most beautiful guy you've ever met. You're a simp.

"Excuse me?" Soobin's head tilts to the side in confusion. "Can I help you?"

He definitely can, in more ways than one, but that conversation is for another time.

His impatiently raised eyebrows suddenly push you back into motion, breaking your frozen state, but now you're on an overdrive, very close to hyperventilating in front of him.

"H–hey! I mean, h–hi. I mean, fancy bumping into you here! N–not that we bumped, just, uh—haha, you know? Fancy – fancy seeing you here, how have you been?"

God.

Did all of that just exit your mouth?

You need a shovel because this calls for digging up a hole and burying yourself alive. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Your entire face feels like it's caught on fire, and all the nerve endings in your body are tingling from embarrassment. You feel like you're vibrating. Wait, if you vibrate at a frequency that's outside of the visible range, can you voluntarily make yourself disappear?

The only thing holding you back from combusting into flames is the amused smile that replaces the previously formal tilt on Soobin's lips. "Hi. I'm sorry, where do I know you from? You look very familiar, but I'm just missing it…"

You look familiar? So he does notice you in class! Maybe getting that hair spa last month has worked in your favor, after all. You're getting a little googly eyed, but you do your best to control your reactions as you gauge his.

He looks so darn cute with his dimpled smile that makes his eyes squint, that you're left gaping for a couple of seconds before you're able to notice the hand he is forwarding you. Nodding haphazardly, you forward yours and let him wrap his huge palm around your significantly smaller one. Even though you try to repress it, the warmth his skin emanates sends a shiver running through you.

If Soobin notices the subtle shake your body gives, he doesn't comment on it.

He's being so angelically patient and kind, you need to get it together!

So you clap your hands in front of your face and pull your lips up in a smile, preparing yourself to say your thing without any unnecessary words this time.

"Uh, I'm – I'm in your class? I don't know if you know me, but I know you! I'm, um, I'm here for the broadcasting club. And – and I noticed that the banner said that the tryouts would run from four to six, but I've been told that the gates have been closed when it is barely past five, so I was… w–wondering…" You slowly trail off, stuttering a little when Soobin's facial expressions do a sudden one-eighty.

Gone is the sweet, dimpled, kind guy who was smiling at you with his eyes. Now his lips are pursed and eyebrows furrowed, a clear look of irritation on his face. Well, he's still got a dimple showing, but this one's part of his frowny face so you're not sure if you should be admiring it anymore.

"Wow. You're gutsy." His tone has changed now, too, really stiff with an underlying scoff in words. "Did you follow me here?"

You blink in surprise. "What? Of course not! The – the main doors were closed, so I was looking for another way in and—"

"Good God, please stop talking," he interrupts you with a groan, rolling his eyes as he tilts his head to look skywards – and you're fully paralyzed now, clueless and a little scared because Soobin looks so mean and intimidating with his eyebrows scrunched up like that. "I don't get what you guys' problem is. I'm – I'm trying to do something serious here. Why the hell do you not get it?"

Blinking slowly, you gape at your idol, your icon, the deity of all things broadcasting as he yells at you about something you can make neither head nor tail of.

'You guys'? Who?

You know that you of all people definitely get that he's doing something serious. You're as much, if not more, serious about the club yourself; the reason why you've taken so long to decide to audition for it. Besides, how's he judging you when you've never met before?

Willing your frozen lips to move, you attempt to clear the air. "We've – we've never met before. You don't know me. I'm—"

"Oh, I know you enough." This time there is vitriol in his eyes as he spits the words, and you take an actual, vary step away from Soobin. "I've been through twenty auditions and seen fifty applications in the past hour and every single one of the girls like you is dying to get to interview the hockey team and talk to Yeonjun about his strategy for his final season in college. So I know exactly who you are and exactly what you're after."

He is rolling his eyes again, this time with both his hands braced on his waist.

But his words are very confusing and a little hurtful. Why is he grouping you with whatever 'girls like you' he's seen so far? You've been a fan of Soobin for a while now, but you've never encountered any instance of even a mention of him being anything less than courteous and big hearted.

This attitude from him feels like living a fever dream – and not of the good kind.

"So for the last time – I'm not taking any of you groupies into this club because it is not a means to get into the hockey captain's pants! I need serious people who look at announcing and broadcasting with respect and not as something they can use as cover for their ulterior motives. Oh, and if it means anything to you at all, Yeonjun hyung has a girlfriend now. We probably won't even be covering him at all because his fangirls are always a bit too much."

Your head is spinning a little now.

Did he call you a groupie? Yeonjun's groupie? He thinks you're doing this to get into Yeonjun's… what the hell?

While you're still processing his previous words, Soobin gives a wince. "Look, I'm sorry if all this sounds harsh, but you've left me no choice. Trying to corner me was a really low blow, okay? There's a limit to acting desperate and you're clearly crossing the line, here. If you can't respect me or the club, at least respect yourself."

The pieces have finally fallen in place in your head. You couldn't make sense of it earlier because you didn't really allow yourself to think Soobin would go there. But given his last statement, now you have no doubts.

You don't live under a rock – you really can't afford to when you dream of joining the broadcasting club, of all things – so you obviously know hockey captain Choi Yeonjun and the hype surrounding him. And because you always do your homework well, you also know that he used to be somewhat of a serial dater before he got into a serious relationship with his long time best friend, just last month. All of Yeonjun's fangirls across campus have been disheartened by this development and have been acting desperate ever since.

But why on earth has Soobin pegged you as one of them escapes you. You did not say a word about the hockey team. You didn't get to tell him what your goals actually are. Hell, you didn't even get to tell him your name before he shut you down.

This is a very overwhelming generalization, and you really wanna give Soobin the benefit of the doubt here because going through fifty bullshit applications can be a lot – but he needs to hear you out for you to do that.

"Soobin," you try again, raising both your palms up in an attempt to placate him, "I don't know how you're getting this idea, but I'm not one of – one of Yeonjun's groupies, or whatever, okay? I literally told you I'm in your class."

“Look, I really don’t have time for all these tales,” Soobin interrupts you with a sigh, a huge hand raised up to shut you up – so you do. “You’re dressed… too prettily to be trying out for the broadcasting club, anyways. Is that a cheerleading skirt?”

He's looking down his nose at your miniskirt that you felt very pretty in, annoyance on his face, and now –

Now you're hurt. Now you're hurt beyond giving him the benefit of the doubt. Now you're hurt enough for your eyes to sting with offense.

“Are you trying to pass a judgment on my…clothes?” you ask him in shock, your voice low and a frown creasing your forehead.

He looks a little uncomfortable as he clears his throat. “I’ve seen the way Yeonjun’s fangirls dress, and you kinda… fit the description.”

He really isn’t giving up on the groupie allegations…

In any other scenario, you would honestly take that as a compliment. Because you have seen these girls as well and their appearance is honestly on another level. But this guy in front of you definitely means it as an insult. And he is still scowling, as if you have dressed up to personally offend him.

You’re at a complete loss now. He hasn’t let you talk, you haven’t even told him your name, and he is acting like knows everything about you. His mind seems fully made up too.

What are you supposed to do?

"You know what? Maybe I… I should leave through the front door,” he murmurs in your general direction and then moves to step back through the gates he’d emerged from.

You just stay rooted to your place, offended at his dismissal and still in partial disbelief.

Choi Soobin is nothing like anything you thought he was.

The smiling, giggling, squinty-eyed guy that you always heard being called kind-hearted, warm, understanding and sweet? Cannot be the same guy you just met. Part of the reason why you like him so much has been the overwhelming amount of praises you have heard about him.

At times, you found yourself wondering how such an important and busy guy could muster enough patience to be a sweetheart to everyone. Now you know that it’s all a sham – a character he has created to showcase. It’s all pretend.

This, the version of him you just met, is what the real Choi Soobin is like when no one’s looking.

Not just your crush, but your idol has broken your heart.

How are you gonna move on from this?

"Y/N!"

The sudden shout of your name makes you jump in surprise, wide, watery eyes turning to the end of the hallway. Soobin has stopped in his place as well, a frown on his forehead as he attempts to follow your gaze – but he's a little off center from the curved hallway to be able to locate a bubbly looking Yeji excitedly waving at you.

Oh fuck. Not right now. You don't need your best friend to witness you experiencing the worst moment of your entire life.

But Yeji being the loudass clown she is, doesn't stop speaking at the top of her voice as she marches down the hallway to you. "Where have you been? The janitor says they closed the tryouts? Did you pass? Oh, and a girl told me Choi Soobin was in the judging panel! Did you get to see him?"

Your eyes jump wide, traveling to the said guy involuntarily to witness the way confusion overtakes his face. He isn't moving, though, probably out of intrigue now that he has heard his name, and you're halfway scared to death that Yeji is about to reveal your secret and bathe you in the kind of embarrassment that you will never be able to live down.

"Yeji, I'm just—"

"Babe, why do you look so pale?" she cuts you off, squinting as she nears you, and before you can get another word out, her lips are tilting mischievously and eyebrows are wiggling. "Did Choi find out about your obsessive crush on him? Did he kick you out? Are you hiding from him?"

Yeji is done walking up to you and is now standing with her back to the still open door to the auditorium to look at you with her head tilted and hands braced on her waist. But your gaze is stuck to the person whose face you can easily see over her shoulder.

Soobin's eyes are impossibly wide and mouth is parted to allow his bunny-like front teeth to peek out. There's a subtle flush covering the top of his cheekbones, ears and the bridge of his nose – a sight that would've had you cooing in adoration if you weren’t so distraught, right now.

And then his lips move to form a broken sentence that makes you want to stab Yeji and then yourself: "You… obsessive crush… me?"

To her credit, Yeji seems to recognise the guy's voice and also the context of this ridiculous situation pretty quickly. Her eyes grow wide immediately before a wince overtakes her face as she mouths the word 'sorry' to you, probably mistaking your fallen expressions to be a reaction to the chaos she has caused. Little does she know.

Just as she has stepped aside, Soobin takes a step closer to you, heavy guilt and bewilderment sewn into the lines of his forehead and the twist of his lips. It's so weird that your heart is still skipping a beat when his gaze searches yours.

It's so unfair.

You inhale deeply and shake your head, though, steeling yourself against his deceitful innocent eyes. His dimples are just a facade to hide his arrogance. You know better now.

"Not anymore, don't you worry," you tell him with your chin lifted and eyes narrowed.

And damn, you feel so brave for that one. Especially because the words aren't even true. Getting over him will be a hefty task and you have no idea where to even begin, because your life has pretty much revolved around the guy for over a year.

Soobin frowns at that, looking almost hurt, and you want to laugh in his face at the hypocrisy. But you've had enough of him judging you and you're also ninety-eight percent sure you will end up crying if you tried to laugh, so you choose to just grab onto an embarrassed and confused looking Yeji's wrist and tug her with you to the other end of the hallway, exiting into the college's cafeteria.

"Babe, that was—ow!"

Yeji is cut off by you smacking her upside the head. "You're so fucking stupid, Hwang."

"I know… I'm sorry?"

"Shut up, you’re buying me lunch."

The next day, while you’re supposed to be attending your Media Law class, a mandatory course in your major, you find yourself sitting (read: sulking) in a corner of the library by yourself, staring at the laptop in front of you unseeingly. Your attendance is good enough to save your grades and you can beg Chaewon for notes later in the week.

But you truly don’t have enough mental strength to face the class’ star student after the shitshow that went down, yesterday.

While Yeji bought you lunch yesterday, you filled her in on everything that happened. Your best friend provided you with a shoulder for your tears, some tissues for your snot and four golden words of advice: never meet your heroes. Because now everything is ruined, and you’re beginning to wonder if picking this major was even worth it when the reason why you did has turned out to be a sham himself.

Your phone suddenly pings with a message, breaking your chain of spiraling thoughts.

11:03 | yeji 💘 dood. guess who i bumped into omw to the chem lab and guess what he asked me for

You blink and then squint at your phone. Why is your best friend trying to be so mysterious?

↪ wtf ji…? ↪ who asked u for what? ↪ are u okay?

11:05 | yeji 💘 what? yeah i’m okay choi soobin asked for your number

What?

↪ yeji… ↪ tell me u didn’t give it to him

11:06 | yeji 💘 of course not bestie <3 i told him to talk to you in person he’ll be there in a min good luck! 💋💋💋

You hadn’t even fully inhaled your breath of relief at Yeji’s first text when she cut it short with the next one. In person? In a minute?

Did Yeji tell him where you are?

“Uh, hey… Can we talk?”

She did. Shit.

Even if you don’t lift your gaze from your phone, Soobin’s tall form blocks the incoming light from the window you were seated next to and casts such an obvious shadow on your form that you cannot ignore him without making it weird. So you lick your lips and collect your nerves, preparing yourself to face the guy who single-handedly inspired and then shattered your future plans.

Soobin looks as devastatingly handsome as ever, dressed in a white, collared shirt. His hair is just as black, lips just as red, but there’s an additional pair of thick, black, round-framed glasses sitting on his eyes this time that make your heart beat faster. He just had to look like a runway model in glasses. The universe hates you. Figures.

The expressions on his face scream clear distress and the guilt you saw yesterday. He’s nibbling on his bottom lip, which is a great sign because his bitch ass should be antsy about his audacity of talking to you now when he didn’t wanna listen to you yesterday.

Wow. Maybe that purple haired girl really was onto something, yesterday. Choi Soobin’s derriere is most definitely a rude and a bitch ass.

Looking down at your laptop, you clear your throat and ask him, “What do you wanna talk about?”

You don’t ask him to sit, you do not smile, don’t even wave back in response to his lame ass ‘hey’ – just cut straight to business. You’re proud of the way your voice sounds the right amount of impatient and careless.

“I… I owe you an apology.”

That has you looking at him again. He’s frowning now, looking so conflicted, you almost soften. But then you stop yourself. This is probably not even that heartfelt. He heard about your crush on him and now he pities you. You won’t be a vessel for him to pretend to clear his conscience when he wasn’t even willing to get off his judgemental high horse for you.

“Soobin… don’t.”

He takes the seat opposite yours, ignoring your eyebrows that rise up in shocked outrage. "I have to. Please."

"You really don't—"

"I was horribly out of line, ridiculously ignorant, unprofessional and – and an asshole."

You blink at him in mild surprise. At least he knows; that’s an oddly good start. "You can say that again."

He removes his glasses and rests his elbows on the table, leaning towards you with wide, desperate eyes. "I do not expect you to forgive me, I just need you to – to know that I'm not… I'm not who I was yesterday. That's not – I was under pressure and I felt irritated, insecure and a little jealous? And I said everything I didn't mean. Especially that comment about your dress up! I didn't mean it, I swear! You looked pretty, your skirt was really cute, okay? I – I didn't mean to insult you, I would never stoop to that level."

Your cheeks involuntarily heat up at the compliment he tosses at you so casually. "Why say it when you didn't mean it?" you mumble, attempting to hold your ground and stay mad because he's saying all the right things to weaken your resolve and give him an ear.

He hangs his head as if in shame. "Because I'm a moron. None of the stuff I said was aimed at you. As you said, we hadn't even met before, and… I was frustrated and tired and just drew all these wrong conclusions about you and went off like an idiot. I feel so horrible. I'm so fucking sorry..."

Very slowly, you lean back in your chair and shut your laptop. He really knows how to apologize, damn.

You were preparing to knock Choi Soobin off the throne you had him sitting on, mentally, and then crush that very throne to pieces because if he could disappoint you like this, you were determined to never look for another role model. You were preparing yourself to leave Choi Soobin and his arrogance in dust and move on with your life.

But now here he is – apologizing like the decent human being you always thought him to be, saying everything you’d never admit you needed to hear.

He’s climbing back upon the throne that took you a whole day to make up your mind to remove him from.

You’re kinda pathetic, to be honest…

In an attempt to regain some of the dignity your inner monologue has stripped you of, you frown at him. But you are definitely intrigued now because if the kindness and sweetness he shows everyone is a facade, why is he being kind and sweet to you in private?

Could there possibly be… an explanation for his behavior yesterday? He said he was under pressure and frustrated. Although you understand the former, given his position and the auditions yesterday, you don’t really get why he would be frustrated.

When you meet his gaze again, you find Soobin looking at you with those wide eyes of his spilling desperate hope. So you decide to bite.

"You – you keep saying you were frustrated… Why was that? "

He thumps his head against the table with a groan, making you jump a little in surprise, and then looks up with a determined expression on his face. "I'll begin from the beginning. I owe you that much."

"You really don't owe me any—"

"Please, Y/N."

Oh. Did he say your name? Oh.

Wow, this is why crushes are horrible. Now your heart is thumping wildly and your face feels really hot. Honestly, there should be a system where one can run a background check on an individual before they can be deemed safe enough to be crushed on so that one doesn’t end up embarrassing oneself.

You can only hope your face hasn’t heated up to a noticeable degree.

"I… Since the day I was made President of the Broadcasting Club and was given the duty to conduct interviews for the different sports teams our college has, there’s been this – this recurring pattern. Huge throngs of girls that want to join the club for a chance to interview the hockey team and get close to Captain Choi.” He gives a tired exhale and runs a hand down his face. “I’ve seen it repeat every semester. And this time it got really out of hand because I actually decided to sit in for the tryouts…”

You didn’t even notice when you leaned on your elbows to mirror Soobin’s seating position and focused your eyes on his face, so when he looks up to meet your gaze, your breath catches for a moment. And then you see absolute, sheer tiredness reflected by his brown orbs.

He cannot be this good of an actor, can he be? That would mean that he's really been going through something with this whole insincere signing up for the club thing.

"It was really wrong of me to explode on you the way I did," he continues in a softer voice, looking down at the table next to his palms. "I assumed you were one of the girls that had been giving me a hard time and… didn't even let you say your thing. I'm really, terribly sorry for being a jerk to you."

Your jaw drops a little at the sincerity that spills from his apology. He doesn't sound like he's doing this to clear his conscience or out of pity – he sounds really regretful. He almost sounds like he's in pain, in fact.

Does he really feel that guilty?

He would only be feeling so bad about this if… everything he has said so far is the truth and he’s actually not the kind of person he painted himself as, yesterday. You can sense the way your previously drawn conclusions begin to dissipate little by little.

"After you left," Soobin begins again, this time with a slight twinkle in his eyes and a tilt to his lips that makes his dimples pop, "I went looking for your application form and read about your interest in announcing. You… you picked your major because of me?"

Your cheeks are definitely on fire now and there’s no way Soobin can’t see that. Why did you put that in your form, you embarrassing imbecile?

Well. If Soobin has been gusty and virtuous enough to come looking for you and make an attempt to honestly explain himself and apologize, maybe you can be a little honest with him as well.

"You see… the freshman orientation you hosted last year left an impact on me," you reveal, unable to look at him. "And then I saw your sports coverage and realized that I want to be a sports announcer in future."

Soobin says your name, making you look up and meet his soft gaze. "I never thought I would do anything in life that would be worth an inspiration… so this means a lot to me. A lot.” His eyes are shining with sincerity and emotion, and you’re looking into them, spellbound. “I am so sorry I hurt you and I’m ready to try and make it up to you for as long as needed. I don’t really expect you to accept my apology, like I told you, but if you would please give me another chance, I would like to show you who I really am. And maybe initiate you, if you’d like?"

He finishes with a sweet, dimpled smile and maybe that is to be blamed for the way his question bounces right off of you.

"Initiate…me?" You cluelessly blink at him.

"Yeah. Into the club. All the members went through your application and some samples of you emceeing. So it’s not just mine, but everybody’s decision. Insistence, if you will. Request? We – we’d really really like to have you on our team."

Your eyes jump open very wide at that. Join the club of your dreams? He’s finally offering you the spot you thought you’d lost forever?

Wait, did he say samples? Of you emceeing? What?

"I’m sorry, what samples?"

A blush tinges his ears. "I contacted your friend Yeji about this, last evening. Please don’t be mad at her, she just wanted to help you. She told me how much this means to you… and then sent me a couple of clips of you managing a stage during a kids’ talent show in your neighborhood. You were really impressive, Y/N."

Holy fucking hell, you're going to scream.

First at Hwang Yeji for going behind your back and selling you to the enemy, no matter what her motivation might’ve been. And then because your idol just complimented you on something you've learned from him.

"Th–thank you, Soobin." You bite your lip at the stutter in your voice, peering up at him with hesitant eyes. And then you decide to be honest with him again: "Your praise… means a lot to me."

Soobin's eyes sparkle at that, a warm smile pulling at his lips. "And I promise to always remember, respect and honor that. Just one chance?”

You stay like that for the next few moments, looking at him with a soft gaze.

You’ve been polishing your skills to prepare yourself for a spot in this club for a year. If you had gotten the chance to audition normally yesterday, there is no doubt in your mind that you would’ve made the cut. So wouldn’t it be unfair if you give up now?

And then there’s Soobin, of course. It’s going to take you some time to trust him. But if he says he’s willing to work on it, says it with a sincerity in his eyes that gives you goosebumps, you believe it’s worth giving him a chance to correct the misunderstanding he caused yesterday.

You exhale, mind made up, and nod at the guy tentatively. “Promise me you will hear what I have to say before you draw any conclusions?”

He leans closer to you, bringing his face at the same level as yours and nods eagerly. “I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die. Do I take this as a yes to joining the club?”

His eagerness makes you crack a smile, which causes Soobin to scrunch his nose bashfully. You inhale deeply and give him another nod. “Yes, you may.”

Time flies really fast after that day as you attempt to find a stable way of juggling your classes and the club duties.

The work isn’t as much in bulk as it is in the details. Soobin is, as you’d known beforehand, a meticulous perfectionist. Every single activity the club is involved in has to be fully planned in bullet points and a step-wise-step itinerary, and uploaded to the club’s shared Google Drive, days in advance, or Mr. President begins to lose his calm . You, being the newest addition to the bunch of six experienced members, are mostly tasked with assisting the guy on building this very itinerary.

Not that you mind.

The more time you spend next to him, witnessing him in his element up close and actually getting to peer into the creative wonderland that his mind is, the more you find yourself in awe of him. He has been a role model to you for a reason, after all.

With each passing day, you pat yourself on the back for taking a chance by accepting his apology as you slowly begin to see the real him – the version of him that is absolutely nothing like the asshole you met that day. And little by little, your trust in him begins to grow.

Soobin, to his credit, doesn’t leave a single stone unturned to make you feel welcome into the club. He is incredibly patient and delicate with you – always pausing to check whether you have been keeping up with all the new stuff or if you need any guidance.

You’re beginning to understand that it is in his nature to be kind. The word that got around about him has been correct all along – he really is gentle, understanding and sweet. And if he is going an extra mile for you with the intention of appeasing you because he is apologetic? Well… he’s damn well succeeding.

The two of you have quickly fallen into a routine where you attend your 10 am Media Law class together, collect the communication majors Karina and Jongho from their block, and then report to Arin—the only senior in the club and known to be an effortless ace—in the broadcasting room. After a short briefing about the previous days’ tasks and a rundown of the fresh day’s checklist, you and Soobin depart to the library to work on it.

After that you both attend your separate afternoon classes, meet up at the broadcasting room at four in the evening for the college announcements that are alternated between Yunjin and Jongin, sophomores and the final two members of the club, and the lot of you finally take your leave some time around six.

The first week is so exhausting for you that you are barely left with enough strength to feed yourself before you collapse into bed every night, let alone think about your academics. You don’t even text Yeji for three whole days, until she accosts you in the library.

Soobin texts you, that evening, sharing tips on time management, task management as well as a small list of snacks that he munches on to retain energy. To say your heart nearly beats out of your chest at the gesture would be an understatement.

The following weeks are full of you being on the receiving end of more such thoughtful acts by Soobin. Getting you coffee – one that is made exactly the way you like it – before the evening meet-up, walking you to your dorm if you don’t have anyone from your building accompanying you, repeatedly checking in to ensure you’re well-rested and not overwhelmed by the sudden change in your routine.

And then there is that one time, some three weeks later, when you're filling in for an absent Yunjin and make a mistake during the announcement – landing yourself at the receiving end of Arin's ire. You feel really bad about your mistake as it is, and so the addition of a reprimand from the senior you've come to look up to has you immensely low.

"She said it was a mistake, noona."

Your head snaps up at Soobin's firm statement. His eyebrows are furrowed and arms are crossed as he looks at Arin. You, along with three other pairs of eyes, gawk at the rare sight of Soobin getting angry, and the rarer sight of him going against the club's queen.

"She's apologized thrice. What more do you expect?"

Arin looks taken aback at the brusque interruption, but doesn't put up a fight against the president. "She needs to practice her pauses, Soobin."

"And she will. I'll make sure she does." He gives a small nod to her before turning his gaze to you. Put in spot, you stare back at him with wide eyes. "I'll stay with her while she practices."

Flashing you a small smile of reassurance, Soobin turns back to the other girl and pats her shoulder to calm her down. And because no one in powerful enough to maintain a frown when Soobin unleashes the power of his dimples upon them, Arin eventually smiles in defeated acceptance and dismisses the meeting.

But your heart never quite manages to dismiss the way this incident makes you feel.

Because Soobin holds true to the promise he made as well – accompanying you to the college's courtyard whenever you're both free and practicing speech with you. To be really honest, he seems to be wanting to spend all his free time with you. You find yourself having to say no to his texts at times because you have plans with Yeji, or are too tired to function.

You'd be lying if you claimed that having so much of his attention on you doesn't make your heart to somersaults in your chest. Which is why you begin to wonder where his extra mile of apologetic appeasement ends.

The whole apology acceptance thing happened between the two of you awhile ago. He really shouldn't have a reason to continue to dote on you as if he has been hired to take care of you. Last time you checked, you were the one with a gigantic crush on him and not the other way round.

A few explanations pop up in your head, but none of them feel plausible enough for you to even think about. So you do the next best thing – share your dilemma with Yeji on an impromptu girls’ night in, one Saturday.

For a moment, your best friend squints her eyes in the way she does when she’s analyzing some complex situation. And then she shrugs a shoulder, pops a pretzel in her mouth and announces: “Sounds like he’s got a crush.”

You blink, caught so off-guard that you’re stunned into silence. It is only when she looks at you with her eyebrows raised that you manage to cough out a scoff. “What? Don’t be ridiculous.”

This time Yeji’s the one to scoff. “Excuse me? What’s so ridiculous about him liking you?”

“Dude. I…” You vaguely gesture to yourself. “I’m me. And he’s…him. Choi Soobin the Great, the prince, the God, the emcee of the year.”

“Uh, I’m sorry, what’s that supposed to mean? You’re you – the princess, the goddess, the prettiest girl on campus and the best student in our year.” She tosses a pretzel at you, scowling. “You’re amazing, bff. Choi Soobin is one lucky motherfucker to have the privilege to spend so much time with you. Of course he’d fall in love! I’d date you if I was into girls!”

The last part of her sentence makes you giggle. “Stop, no one’s talking about love just yet. Do you really think he could be doing all of that with… I don’t know… the intention to woo me?”

“Of course! He’d be a fool not to!” Yeji sits up from her recline on the couch, nearly aggressively grabbing onto your shoulders to shake you. “Didn’t you hear the part where I told you I would date—hell, Ryujin would date you!”

You gape at your best friend, feeling uplifted, reassured and confused all at once. “Wha—? Does Ryujin like girls?”

“No, but she’d still date you. She’s open minded that way.”

“Yeji, what the f—”

“My point is!” She raises a finger up to silence your protest. “You’re fabulous and amazing and gorgeous – have you seen your eyes? Bff, they’re fucking pretty. Do you know what that makes you? More fucking pretty. He likes you, boo, and he's probably got a list of reasons why.”

Yeji’s love language might be words of affirmation through… aggression, but it is surely effective at reminding you of the fact that you’re lovable.

And so more time goes by, with things staying mostly normal if you don’t count the way your cheeks seem to get extra warmer with every cup of coffee that Soobin hands you, lately. If your locked gazes stay locked for longer than necessary, or if his goodbye hugs linger a little and cause your heart to nearly beat out of your chest – it is no one’s business but your own.

You know, deep in your heart, that you never really got over the guy. He left you heartbroken for a total of 36 hours, while he's spent more than 36 days swirling up a swarm of butterflies in your tummy with every action of his.

It is inevitable for you to fall for him all over again.

You have absolutely no plans of doing anything about it, however, because you have come to really cherish the close friendship you share with Soobin. You like the wheel of routine the two of you constantly spin within and don't wanna change a thing about it.

Although, that is not to say that no change ends up happening.

The wheel of routine makes a detour around a week later, some five weeks after your initiation into the broadcasting club, when you find yourself wrapped in a jacket and still shivering, sitting next to the university’s star athlete on the bleachers in the hockey arena, at six in the morning.

“Is that all? For real?” Choi Yeonjun asks you with his eyes wide in pleasant surprise. “That was quick.”

While you just nod with a chuckle, his girlfriend peers at you from his other side and punches him in the side. “I’ve told you the important questions don’t take that long! Your fangirls just wanna extend the interviews because they wanna ogle you longer.”

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore, I promise,” you tell the girl with a grin, which she returns fully.

“Nah, you don’t even have to tell me because I can see it in your body language,” she mumbles, pressing her cheek into her boyfriend’s shoulder, over which he tips his own head affectionately. “You’re the first ever girl to not view him like a piece of meat. I’m not even kidding.”

“Ah, I’m sorry about that. Your man’s okay, but he’s not my type.”

Yeonjun grins widely at your words, while her girlfriend breaks into laughter because she apparently hasn’t heard anyone use the adjective “okay” for Yeonjun ever before.

Anyone that tries to get between these two must be crazy, you realize, because you’ve sat with them for less than an hour and can already tell how deeply in love they are. And how stinkingly cute they are together.

Well, the general consensus states that Yeonjun is cute, too. Along with being handsome, beautiful, sexy – and a whole plethora of other adjectives that his fans use for him. But it becomes hard for you to agree with the opinion when your heart, instead, chooses to skip a beat for the dimpled cutie seated two steps away from you, smiling at you from behind his camera.

Right as your eyes meet, Soobin waves a hand at you to let you know he has stopped recording. Nodding, you wave goodbye to the couple next to you and leave the spot to walk up to your cameraman.

“If I get hypothermia, you’re footing my hospital bills,” you announce as you settle next to a laughing Soobin, intentionally shifting closer to him to hopefully absorb some of his body heat.

“I told you to bring a jacket, didn’t I?”

“And I did, but it was useless.”

“Because it was denim!” He gives a full belly laugh at that, and the sound is so beautiful to your ears that it becomes hard for you to maintain your scowl of annoyance. “Who brings a denim jacket when asked to carry one?”

“Hey, you texted me at five am!” you whine in complaint. “I could barely open my eyes, my brain wasn’t working!”

“Is that why you didn’t question me?” His tone is a little teasing and so are his raised eyebrows as he smirks at you. “I asked you to come downstairs quickly and you arrived within ten minutes, ready to run away to the mountains with me if I asked. What’s up with that, hm?”

Your cheeks feel on fire at the implication of his words. Clearing your throat, you try to come up with a response, but your heartbeat is too loud in your ears and meeting Soobin’s playful gaze might just make it crash due to the onslaught of overwhelming emotions.

Well. At least you’re feeling a little warmer now.

“You – you said it was a surprise and a huge honor that I’d later thank you for… I got excited,” you mumble, entwining your cold fingers and stuffing your hands beneath your knees to warm them up. “Thanks for thinking of me for this honor but honestly…” You gesture towards Yeonjun with your chin. “I don't really care for athletes. They’re not my type. I prefer brains over brawn. This guy’s taken, anyway, so people should really…”

You trail off when you turn to look at Soobin and find him smiling at you almost knowingly, such unabashed affection in his gaze that your throat closes up with nervousness.

“I… I – I mean—”

“Yeonjun’s not your type?”

Swallowing past your nerves, you very slowly shake your head. “Is that a surprise?”

He shrugs his shoulders, trying to seem nonchalant, but you see the stiffness that enters his spine at the question. “Yeah, kind of. He’s… well, everyone I know either wants him or wants to be him.”

Wants to be him? Oh… Your lips curve up in a small smile as it begins to make sense to you. “Including you?”

His eyes widen in surprise as he looks at you. “He’s the most popular guy at our uni, Y/N. Who wouldn’t wanna be him?”

You should be surprised by his answer but you somehow aren’t. Because this ties up with a number of things you’ve been unable to fully make sense of about Soobin. Most of all, this explains why it would get him so riled up that people would try to use him and his club – one of the most sacred things he holds in his life – just to get close to Yeonjun. It would also explain why he would have felt insecure and jealous about it.

Emotions such as these are hard to navigate. Within the month that you’ve spent working closely with Soobin, you’ve come to know that he cares about his friends a lot – he truly loves them and would go to extreme lengths to help them whenever and wherever. It pains you that he struggles with this burden on the inside.

You need him to know that he shouldn’t. That he doesn’t need to.

Which is why you shuffle closer to him, to the point where your thighs brush together, and look into his wide, bunny eyes to tell him that: “When I first saw you, I was fully convinced you were the most popular guy at the uni. And it stayed with me for months until I began my research into uni related facts and opinions and found out about our hockey team. This is why I could never gather enough courage to approach you, you know? You were this tall, handsome and sweet guy – textbook university crush material. How could you not be the most popular?”

Soobin’s cheeks turn pink, then pinker, then bright red, and by the end of your confession, he’s got a trail of redness climbing up to his ears. His eyes stay glued to yours, even as he bites down on his bottom lip.

When you see the way he exhales shakily, you finally release a giggle at his flustered state. “What? Are you really blushing that hard? How're you so cool as an emcee but your cheeks go red when a girl compliments you, Soobin?”

Soobin huffs out a laugh through his nose and rolls his eyes, pursing his lips to bite back his smile. Then he shakes his head. “Not just any girl.”

This time, you feel a similar blush begin to cover your face. You attempt to joke it away. “I… I’m h–honored, I guess?”

Smirking at your stutters, Soobin simply averts his gaze from yours and goes back to packing up the recording equipment. “Speaking of honors, by the way. This isn't exactly what I was talking about.”

You frown in confusion. “Oh? So what is—wait. Why did you wake me up at five, then?!”

“Woah, easy!” he laughs when you get up and brace your fists on your waist, ready to throw hands. “I brought you here because having your first solo interview with Yeonjun would give you a good boost of publicity for your future with the club.”

“Ow, are we using him for clout?” You scrunch your nose up when Soobin proudly nods.

“Precisely. And also to give you a small rehearsal so that you know what all to focus on when you prepare for the freshman orientation that’s coming up soon.”

You freeze in the middle of a nod.

To prepare you for what?

Your brain refuses to comprehend the words. He couldn’t possibly be talking about the orientation, right?

Eyes wide and jaw dropped, you stare at Soobin while he seamlessly continues to speak.

“You're pretty comfortable with the mic and you actually enjoy interacting with groups. I still remember the clips your friend had shown me. Orientation stage requires the ability to interact well and improvise upon the script efficiently, because you’re tasked with making sure these bunch of seventeen year olds feel welcome into their new surroundings. And you, ma’am, happen to be an ace at both the arts.”

Still in disbelief, you sit next to him again and forward a hand to hold onto his forearm, bringing his focus back on you. “Soobin… are you sure? I’ve – I’ve been here for a month, and—”

“And you were amazing even before you joined us.” He turns to you to take both your palms between his, and says your name. A surge of sparks passes through your nerve endings at the warm contact, but Soobin’s gaze grounds you – it’s so open and honest that it compels you to believe every word he says to you. “You’ve only improved with each day, right? You will be great, I’m absolutely sure.”

Nodding slowly, you begin to smile when he does.

Giving your hands a jerk, Soobin points at the couple seated a few feet away. “Just you wait and see, you’re about to go viral when this bit is released. The one girl that remains unaffected by Choi Yeonjun’s charm? Oh, you’re gonna pull so many admirers within a week. Get ready for fanboys crushing on you and sliding into your DMs. Bet they’ll have a fan page up and running before your next public appearance.”

You break into laughter, craning away from him at his teasing. But Soobin tugs at your hands to pull you back up, this time bringing you closer to him than you were before. The previous traces of playfulness have given way to a small, expectant smile on his face.

"Do I get brownie points for being the first in line?"

What? What? An awkward chuckle leaves you, quickly dwindling when Soobin's smile remains unchanged as he continues to look into your eyes. "What… what are you talking about?"

He tilts his head sweetly, giving your hands a small squeeze as he says your name. "As if I haven't been so obvious… You're the most talented member our group has seen in a while, you know? I can't look away from you when you're working and, like, initially I thought I was being a fan… But then I started to daydream about your bright eyes, gorgeous smiles, your cute giggles, your huge fucking heart that is always so kind to everyone, and…" Soobin pauses with a sigh, cheeks turning red and dimples flashing. "Come on, are you really gonna make me say it?"

Your breath comes in stuttered gasps as you try to gather your thoughts. "Soo–Soobin, I… I… Do you really…?"

"Really like you and really want to go out with you? Yeah, I do.” He smiles at you, bringing your faces close enough to boop your nose with his own. "Is there a problem?"

"You… like me?" You feel terribly confused, somewhat lost, and just a bit scared. If Soobin doesn't mean it with one hundred percent sincerity, you'll never recover from this hurt. So you just try to deflect: "But you barely know me?"

He pulls away with a small scoff of disbelief, eyes widening in surprise. "So it's believable for you to have a crush on me when you'd never even held a conversation with me, but you can't accept that I like you because you're the most beautiful, most intelligent and the most caring person I've ever met in my life?"

Your breath hitches on an exhale – and you're unable to breathe in again for long moments after that.

He thinks you're beautiful, intelligent and caring.

He likes you.

He actually likes you.

Yeji's words of aggressive affirmative circle in your head: He likes you, boo, and he's probably got a list of reasons why.

She was… actually right? Holy shit…

You're so freaking emotional right now, you might cry.

A cross between a chuckle and a sniffle escapes you despite your attempts of stifling it, catching Soobin by surprise. His hands immediately let go of yours to cup your cheeks in concern.

"Hey, hey, what happened? Please don't think too hard about—"

"Soobin," you cut him off with a whisper. "I like you, too. So, so much."

A slow smile begins to curl his lips up, beautifully. "You do?"

"I have for so long. I… don't think I ever stopped."

"Even with the way I hurt you so bad?" His face becomes somber for a moment.

"Yes, even then. You've shown me who you really are, Soobin, and that person is amazing. You've proven to me that I caught you in a moment of weakness, and… I think I understand it now more than ever." You smile when his lashes flutter, eyes gazing at you as if in wonder. "Besides, I think I forgave you when you first got me my correct coffee order with that cute smile of yours."

He blushes again. "Ah, so my smile is cute?"

"The cutest." You solemnly nod, cheeks still held in his palms. "Your whole face is."

"Well then, I hope you're okay with my cute face doing this?"

You know what is coming as you watch him erase the space between your mouth and his, and yet you're not nearly prepared for the way your blood turns electric the moment his plush, heart-shaped lips make contact with yours. Pure fire surges through you, body strung tight one moment and then fallen pliant in his hold the next.

Soobin's thumbs brush against the heated flesh of your cheeks, as if attempting to comfort your loud heartbeat – but it's to no avail. Your heart works faster and faster with every push of his mouth against yours, so full of giddiness that it eventually seems to levitaties up and above your body, leaving you weightless and breathless.

You try to kiss him back to the best of your abilities, but you feel like you've been entranced – held in a dreamlike state that has rendered you completely immobile and turned your brain to goo.

Soobin seems to recognise your condition, somehow, pulling away from the kiss with a chuckle brushed against your slightly parted lips. Lidded eyes look into yours with a smile held in them, his chocolate irises turned to thin rings due to how dilated his pupils are.

"You good?"

His voice comes out all hoarse and breathless, making your stomach clench with desire and you're instantly spurred into motion.

Reaching out with both your hands, you grip onto the back of Soobin's neck and the side of his jaw, and this time pull him in for a proper kiss with equal participation. His breath hitches for a moment, but is released in the form of a small grunt when you open your mouth against his – and that is all you need to absolutely lose yourself into the taste and feel of Choi Soobin.

You would've probably stayed lost for quite a bit too, had a loud whistle not echoed around the arena, making both you and Soobin jump apart with startled gasps. Wide eyed, you look at each other, and then two stairs above you.

Yeonjun's girlfriend is grinning at you with her entire teeth on display, while the guy himself has his arm extended towards the two of you, thumb pointed downwards.

"Her first interview isn't even out yet, dude!" he calls out, booing Soobin with his entire arm. "Literally obliterating her popularity before she could even gather bitches, you're so lame and insecure, Soob, boo hoooo!"

Soobin tosses a random plastic case towards the guy, whining into your ear as he rests his chin on your shoulder grumpily. You giggle at his pout, entwining your hands together to bring them up and press a soft kiss to the back of his.

"Are we going on that date before or after the interview is aired, then?" you tease the guy, wiggling your eyebrows.

Soobin glares at you through playfully narrowed eyes beneath lowered eyebrows, until you're giggling again and he's kissing your smile. "Definitely before."

#txt #txt x you #txt x reader #soobin #choi soobin #soobin fanfic #soobin x you #soobin x reader #txt imagines #soobin imagines #txt fluff #soobin fluff #txt fanfic #txt scenarios #soobin scenarios #txt angst #soobin angst #tomorrow x together

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markantonys · 3 months

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bridgerton s3 part 2 thoughts! full spoilers for the whole season, and i will also discuss some book spoilers relating to the future siblings - i haven't read the books and never will, but i know the main points of most of the siblings' stories due to Existing Online. haha i also briefly discuss some wheel of time book spoilers because i was reminded of a certain WOT couple at one point in these episodes!

first things first: I AM SO EXCITED THAT WE GOT NOT ONE BUT TWO (2)!!!!!!!!! CANONICALLY QUEER BRIDGERTON SIBLINGS!!!! AND MY TWO FAVORITES, AT THAT!!!! but i will save that for discussion at the end of the post because it is BY FAR my favorite aspect of these episodes.

but even with that aside, i definitely liked this half a lot more than part 1! screentime felt more balanced and it didn't feel like the sideplots were eating up as much time as it did in part 1.

penelope and colin storyline

they were Fine to me in part 1, but their story was more compelling in this half since we moved on from bland run-of-the-mill childhood-friends-to-lovers and into the meaty and much more unique emotional drama of how penelope being lady whistledown affects their relationship. just as i'd hoped for! and i thought the pacing of this was pretty good too because colin found out early enough that he had enough time left in the season to react properly and work through it, rather than it being some 11th-hour reveal that's hastily swept aside to make way for the HEA. it was juuuuust when i was starting to feel that the "colin makes a hater comment about LW in front of penelope, causing her to look ill with anxiety" shtick was getting old that he found out the truth, so, pretty good timing.

colin was more interesting in this half due to wrestling with the whole "penelope is LW" reveal, but overall, in the season as a whole, he was kinda giving us nothing. they really dropped the ball on him because he just never at any point felt like the co-lead character of the season. for daphne & simon and kate & anthony it felt like a pretty balanced exploration of both characters as individuals on top of the romance, but this season it was 100% the penelope show and colin felt basically like a prop. and penelope's a great character and had great stuff this season, so i enjoyed all the time spent on her, but we needed more for colin to go along with it. after 8 episodes, i still don't feel i know much about who he is as a person besides that he's nice and loyal. although on the flipside, i have no problem with male characters whose entire personality is loving their wives haha i love that shit! so a warm welcome for colin into the Wifeguy Club!

speaking of wifeguys, time for my WOT connection, which is that penelope and colin were SO gawene-coded in a couple scenes that it actually killed me! colin's lil arc of feeling kinda jealous of/intimidated by penelope's power as LW at first and most importantly his "what use can i ever be to her when she's so self-sufficient and doesn't need anything from me?" worries, culminating in him realizing "if the only thing i do in my life is love and support such an incredible woman, i'll be completely satisfied" (paraphrasing), i was like, that is soooo TOM gawyn with egwene being amyrlin!!! and when penelope had that line to him about like "i don't need you to take care of me, i never loved you because of what you can do for me, but because you're kind" (paraphrasing) i gasped and clapped my hand to my forehead because it was almost exactly what i had egwene saying to gawyn in my fic chapter that i posted mere days ago!!!!! literally shook to my core haha i was the leo dicaprio pointing at the TV meme x10 in that moment.

eloise and cressida storyline

wonderful to see eloise and penelope's friendship mended! i thought that whole arc was really well done this season, and especially in this half when eloise is dealing with her ex-bff being engaged to her brother who doesn't know she's LW but eloise knows and feels caught in the middle, just lots of messy, complicated emotions in that whole situation and they did a great job with all that.

i really enjoyed cressida in the first half of the season, but in this half it felt like she got a bit too much time. she also kinda reverted back to her mean girl ways (though out of desperation rather than malice), which was less interesting than the different, softer side we saw from her in the first half and made her time in this half feel like more of a drag. but overall, she's a very layered character and the actress did a fantastic job with her, and in this half of the season i always understood why she was doing what she was doing and sympathized with her. it can't be said that she didn't fuck around and find out, but i still felt bad for her in the end! i really liked the moment when colin with his rose-tinted glasses was like "but your family will forgive you and all will be well!" because that's what family has always been like to him, and cressida was like "ummm no, some of us have shitty families and you bridgertons are too naive to realize that", it was a very good moment.

(i will also say, i know this is a highly unpopular opinion for a queer bridgerton fan to have, but i was never on the eloise/cressida train haha i can 100% see the vibes that others picked up on, but they just never did anything for me for whatever reason! i know eloise was the "obvious" choice for a wlw bridgerton but i personally am so SO thrilled that they went for francesca instead, i guess just because i connect so deeply with her character in a way i never have with eloise. also, now that i'm thinking about it, i think eloise vibes the most like aroace to me, i struggle to picture her having a relationship with *anyone* of any gender.)

other storylines

i'm so happy for violet and marcus!! crossing my fingers that we'll see more of them in s4 since their romance is only just budding; it would be so interesting to see him interacting with her kids and getting integrated into the family dynamic (and for us to meet his kids too! though i acknowledge we don't need MORE side characters haha). and i loved the danbury siblings scenes and them getting to the root of their childhood issues and working them out. and of course, violet and lady danbury continue to be THE best duo of all time <33 i adore their friendship so so much, i can't even describe how much!

we got more time with kate and anthony in this half, and all of it was perfect. they're gonna be parents!!!! though alas, it seems like they've made their final exit from the show with them going off to live in india for a while. sad to see them go, but not surprised at all. i see lots of book fans whining about the prior leads leaving and how it's weird for daphne to not be at her own brother's wedding etc, and i do agree that the show/family is gonna start feeling kinda empty as the older siblings & spouses exit, but that's just a necessity of this medium. you can't have main cast be contracted for 6 more seasons just to show up for 2 lines of dialogue per season and hang out in the background of wedding scenes. you can do that in a book, but you can't do it in a tv show. just something we have to live with! and a lot of the complaints take such a "how DARE these actors want to move on with their lives and do other projects instead of dropping everything to prioritize having a minor role on bridgerton for the rest of this decade" tone, which stinks of Fan Entitlement.

i am curious about what might become of penelope, because it sounds like she's kinda continuing whistledown but just as herself and in a more responsible manner that won't hurt people (tho idk how a gossip column can possibly NOT hurt anyone haha the whole "penelope shouldn't give up LW because it's Feminist and Empowering and Gives A Voice To The Voiceless" narrative kinda had me going X Doubt). update: i just saw an interview with the showrunner where she confirmed that penelope will be in s4 and have a storyline. nice!

the featheringtons had much less in this half which i was glad about and they were taken more seriously and not just treated as comic relief, and portia had some really good scenes with penelope.

there was also much less of the mondriches, which i was fine with; i'm very fond of them and enjoyed their stuff this season, but it felt appropriate that they took more of a backseat in this half. i was sad will had to give up the club though! it felt like he had to fully capitulate to the ton and give up his own work that he's passionate about in order to win the esteem of snobby aristocrats, which was a bummer. the showrunner interview mentioned we'll be seeing them again in s4 and will be seeing some more of will's friendship with benedict, so i'm happy about that!

NOW ONTO THE GAYS!!!!

we've all been yearning for bi benedict ever since s1, and i can't BELIEVE it actually happened!!!! i'm over the moon!!!! and i'm so glad i watched the episodes straightaway without having seen any spoilers first so i got to experience the "holy shit, are they............are they going where i think they're going????" adrenaline rush completely pure and unknowing. it was the absolute most wonderful surprise!!! i'll give a lil summary here for those who are curious about how much queer content there actually is.

so, in episode 7 (or maybe it was the end of 6?) benedict gets invited to dinner with his female FWB and her male friend, who turns out to be her other FWB. AS SOON AS this invitation was extended i was like "oho, is benedict going to be needing 3 tickets to challengers?" so imagine my delight when it turned out that indeed, the 2 FWBs invited him in hopes of a threesome! benedict has a very brief moment of connection with/attraction to the man, and then he gets propositioned, but he's flustered and leaves. he returns to talk to his own FWB the next day and she explains to him about bisexuality and he's like icarly interesting.jpg and says that he's met men who like other men in the past but that he himself has never felt attracted to a man "before" (implying that last night, he did, for the first time). he does some soul-searching and then leaves his own brother's wedding reception to go have a threesome, which is extremely biconic of him. (at the wedding he also gives eloise a nice speech about how love is infinite, in the context of her worrying that colin and penelope marrying each other means they'll have less time for her, but it vibed to me like benedict is poly as well as bi, but who knows if that will go any further than this FWB threesome situation; i'd imagine his endgame will still be a monogamous relationship, but you never know!)

this storyline concludes with the female FWB admitting that she's caught feelings for benedict and wants to become serious (and monogamous) with him, but he politely turns her down because he feels "free" for the first time and wants to keep exploring life and isn't interested in a serious relationship right now, and might not ever be. my only gripe with the storyline is that i wish the male FWB had been introduced an episode or two earlier so we could watch benedict building a connection with him and feeling a budding attraction for an episode or two before the initial threesome proposition occurs to trigger him to actually acknowledge that attraction; as it is, it all happens kind of abruptly and our boy speedruns his entire bi awakening in the span of a single episode, bless him lmao but i'm assuming neither FWB will appear in s4 (they felt like one-season characters to me), so if so, it's fine to not spend too much time developing those specific relationships. the Point of the storyline was for benedict to realize he likes men too and likes non-conventional relationships, and that was accomplished with flying colors!

later on there's reference to "next year's masquerade ball" and i know a masquerade ball is where benedict first meets his endgame love interest in the books, so it seems just about guaranteed that s4 will be about benedict's book. i'm super curious about what direction it will go in! in the book, it sounds like their trope is Forbidden Romance, with the forbidden aspect being class difference (he's an aristocrat and she's a servant), so adding some kind of queer element as an additional reason for why it's Forbidden feels like a viable option, especially after s3 took pains to establish that benedict is interested in queer/non-traditional relationships.

but what form might that hypothetical queer element take? a monogamous m/m romance with genderbent sophie? or could we see trans or genderqueer sophie, in line with the cinderella metaphors about masquerade and disguise and identity and presenting differently in different environments? or might they go for some kind of poly or open relationship endgame for benedict? i don't know! there's so many options! it's also entirely possible that sophie will remain a cis woman and benedict will have a monogamous endgame with her, which i would also welcome because it is actually VERY rare to see rep of bi people ending up very happy in monogamous different-gender relationships, while still remaining firmly bi (most of the time bi characters end up in same-gender relationships, or end up in different-gender ones while dismissing their prior same-gender attractions as just a phase, or are chaotic sluts who cheat because they aren't content with only being with one person).

now on to francesca. we know for 100% fact that her love interest has been genderbent into a woman, because she was introduced at the end of the final episode! so francesca's endgame love story is guaranteed to be wlw, which is so exciting! (for context, her book endgame love interest is john's cousin michael stirling, and in the show she met john's cousin michaela stirling, so that's how we know with 100% certainty.)

taking it back a bit to the rest of her story this season, we see her and john courting, then getting engaged and married in a small wedding at bridgerton house with just the family, because they both hate being the center of attention. it was all incredibly wholesome introvert4introvert content and i adored it!!!! kept going "this is literally my ideal marriage" during so many of their scenes haha

but there is somewhat of a question of, is francesca actually attracted to john/men in general? throughout the season and even after the introduction of michaela stirling, i assumed yes; francesca clearly adores john and states that she loves him, and her body language around him seemed to me to show attraction. but after finishing the season and reading discussion online, i saw people saying that francesca seemed disappointed with kissing john at their wedding (which i'd interpreted as her just feeling shy about kissing him in front of people) and that it was a marked contrast to how flustered and interested she is when she meets michaela. so for me, the jury's out on whether she's more bi-leaning or lesbian-leaning; now that i know canon wlw francesca is a thing, i'd need to rewatch the season again to analyze her behavior with john more closely to decide what vibe i'm getting there! because on first watch it wasn't even on my radar to consider that maybe she's not actually attracted to men.

i will admit, i would be kinda disappointed if she *isn't* truly in love with john, just for the fact that i found it so delightful and refreshing to see a quiet romance that's so different from the loud melodramatic ones, as is discussed many many times during francesca's storyline this season. and i did notice that francesca tripping over her words upon meeting michaela is exactly what violet had said she did when she first met her late husband, and violet was bringing this up to say "but your way of loving john is different from that and that's valid". so i definitely CAN imagine that maybe they're making a deliberate point here that, actually, the reason why francesca's love for john looks so different from other characters' for their spouses is because she does NOT in fact have spousal love for him, but rather platonic love that she's misinterpreted as romantic. but i would just be mildly annoyed if The Point turned out to be "actually, violet is right and True Romantic Love must always be flustering and tongue-tying and dramatic" lmao but that's a personal gripe for me as a very quiet person who loved seeing the type of romantic relationship i would prefer depicted with francesca and john; i can also see the counterargument that a storyline of a repressed lesbian trying to untangle her actual feelings from comphet and societal expectations would be very powerful and important! and particularly interesting to explore in this regency context.

now on to some bigger book spoilers. so from what i understand, in the books, john dies, leaving francesca as a widow, and her love story with michael is about dealing with grief and learning to open herself up to love again after loss. i've seen the argument that francesca actually being a lesbian who wasn't genuinely in love with john would cheapen this storyline, and i can see that point for sure, but otoh it's abundantly clear that she does have a very deep care and love for him regardless of whether or not it's romantic/sexual, so i think no matter what, we will still see her being very affected and pained by his death and struggling with guilt about falling for someone else (his cousin! a woman!) etc.

what i'm most curious about here is the timing! there was some leak that michaela's actress is allegedly booked as a small part in s3 and a main role in s4. i'd been wondering if maybe they would start combining books, but in the interview i read, the showrunner confirmed that the plan is still to do only one book/sibling per season, so it seems that s4 will only be benedict's book. which makes sense, because i believe in the books francesca is married to john for 2 years before he dies and then it's another few years before she starts romancing michael, so i'd guess s4 will just see francesca develop a friendship with michaela and then maybe john dies towards the end of the season, then we do a timeskip between seasons and s5 is about francesca and michaela. but then there's still eloise to contend with, maybe she would be s5 and francesca not until 6.

i really really hope we'll get some francesca-benedict bonding next season (or s5/6 depending on the timing of francesca having her gay realization; it seems still subconscious for her as of now) since they are officially The Queer Siblings!!! i need to see them find this out about each other and talk about it together and be confidants for each other. it will also be so fascinating to see violet & the other siblings react to a queer bridgerton endgame romance. violet wants her kids to be happy, but she sometimes struggles with realizing that what happiness looks like to them may not align exactly with what happiness looks like to her, so i could definitely see her needing to take a moment to readjust her perspective and realize that francesca not being able to legally marry michaela in a public manner known to all of the ton and have biological kids with her doesn't mean they can't be just as happy as her straight kids and their partners. (on that note, i remember that in the past people have suggested francesca could be a great candidate for a wlw bridgerton because her status as a widow allows her a lot more societal freedom than a never-married woman, so i love that the show went with her! i can totally see her endgame being that of a respectable widow living peacefully in the countryside with her Dear Friend.)

i remember straightaway francesca set off my gaydar in 3x01 when she was reluctant about entering the marriage mart and dismissive at the idea of finding True Love and going ??? when people asked what qualities she wanted in a husband, and there was a scene of her talking with other debutante girls and i went "man i would love it if she got a girlfriend" but never in a million years did i actually think that was a real possibility! so i'm SO thrilled that they're going there, and like i mentioned before i quite like that they went with the polite introvert sister instead of the outspoken rebel sister to be the gay one because it just feels like a subversion of expectations and stereotypes for me, and because all season i'd been seeing so much of myself in francesca and then, finding out she's gay like me!!!! cherry on top!! and then for michaela, in the books i believe michael is yet another rake, which the show sets up for michaela too with her joking about being even more scandalous than john's stories might make her out to be - the rake is the backbone of the regency romance genre, so getting to see a wlw version of the trope with a female rake is going to be SO much fun!! esp with the setup that francesca is fairly society-conforming as of now; michaela broadening her horizons could be something interesting to explore.

wow this post got super long lmao i'm just so excited! canon queer bridgerton siblings singlehandedly turned this show from "i casually enjoy it as a few hours of fun which i forget about soon after it's over" to "i'm literally frothing at the mouth i need the next season NOW" and That is the power of representation, baby!

#bridgerton #bridgerton spoilers #long post

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dazaiandhislovelybandages · 9 months

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When You Know, You Know {Osamu Dazai}

A/n: so this idea came like this morning and omg I wanted to write it so bad because I need some good angsty yet sort of fluffy Dazai fic mostly because I want Dazai to get comfort. Also YES I USED A SNOW LINE FROM HUNGER GAMES. ANYWAYS PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS

Pairing: Dazai x assassin!fem!reader

TRIGGER WARNINGS: character deaths, mentions of violent crime scene, Mori, murder, YES I AM A MORI HATER, blood, mentions of abuse

It had been four years since you left Port Mafia. You left the day after Dazai did -after enduring the torture Mori ordered upon you because he thought Dazai had contacted you- without contacting a single soul even though it was more than certain that the few people close to you -Chuuya and Koyou- would be worried sick. Was it because you wanted to get out of the organisation as soon as possible or because you wanted to somehow get revenge because Dazai had left you alone without a single warning.

Like everyone in the Port Mafia you heard about Oda's death the day after it happened -the day Dazai left- and something in your heart broke because even though you, seventeen years old at the time, were under the protection and guidance of Koyou along with Chuuya, you knew Oda. He had grown on you and if it hadn't been for Dazai mentioning him whenever the two of you sat in the dark in his container, it would have been because of Oda's gentle personality amidst the cruelty of the Port Mafia.

It went without saying that with Chuuya and Dazai being closest to you in age with them being one year older, you had naturally developed a somewhat nice relationship which had first started because of your respective positions: Dazai and Chuuya being executives and you being an assassin. You often went to missions with Dazai and Chuuya -always upon Dazai's request of your abilities- so after some time you became friends with the bandaged executive and soon after, lovers.

Had your relationship with Dazai been toxic? Absolutely yes and even though you both knew it, you couldn't actually help but come back for more. Both of you. So when he left like that? You were simply devastated.

And it took you a long time to feel like yourself again. In the meantime, you still worked as an assassin, performing various missions given to you by quite the important people.

You put your life in the Port Mafia in the past, a dark past that you didn't like visiting. But since you worked in the Underground you heard all sorts of things. That was how the fact that Mori had requested for a member of the Detective Agency to be transfered to the Port Mafia reached your ears.

You had heard that Dazai was now working for the Detective Agency and had reached the point of visiting him countless times before. The thought that he could be the one transfered to the Port Mafia kept you up at night for numerous days. How you had reached the point of caring for someone who perhaps hadn't cared about you was beyond you and yet there you were.

The sound the elevator at the Port Mafia building made when it reached Mori's floor specifically was almost like a stab right in the heart. All those memories were coming back, days of torture and manipulation from Mori's side that if not all then almost everyone among the higher-ups in the organisation had endured.

The whole thing lasted fifteen minutes. Just fifteen minutes was all it took for the man who ruined lives to die.

"Y/n?" Chuuya's voice snapped you out of your train of thought. Slowly, you lifted your head, your eyes falling upon the clock on the wall on the other end of the hallway. No wonder Chuuya was there, it was nearly eight in the morning, all Port Mafia members would start coming to work sooner or later.

You leaned your head back on the wall, bringing your knees even closer to your chest as you sat down on the floor. A small sigh of relief escaped your lips. Chuuya had been the one to find you. There was something odd in the way he looked down at you.

Chuuya, one of the most proud Port Mafia members, possibly the only member who respected the organisation for some reason. He wasn't freaked out, angry... he didn't pity you. It was as if he understood. He didn't have to ask or push the door of Mori's room open to understand what you had done -even though the blood on your hands and clothes was making it obvious.

"Come." He removed his gloves and after placing them on his shoulders, he helped you stand up. That was when you noticed Akutagawa standing behind him, waiting for his orders. "Inform Koyou." was all Chuuya told him and led you towards the elevator.

"What?" Akutagawa's voice came out trembling as if he didn't believe how someone who had just killed the Port Mafia's boss was walking away without any consequencies. But the young man didn't question his superior's orders further. Maybe because he had known you since he first arrived at the Port Mafia with you being the closest thing he had to a doctor after patching up any wounds inflicted by Dazai.

"I did it for Q and Koyou and that Detective Agency doctor and for Oda and Kyoka and Osamu and me." Your voice was barely above a whisper as you reached the underground parking lot where Chuuya had his car.

"I know." Chuuya handed you a handkerchief but you refused, your eyes focused on your bloodied clothes.

Other than that the car ride was silent. And when Chuuya stopped the car in front of the building you had almost entered many times in the past four years all you did was look at him. "Won't you come with me?"

Chuuya chuckled, shaking his head. "No, I have to clean the mess you left behind."

"If someone can become the new boss then please..." If your hands weren't covered in blood you would have hugged him. "Please take the position, and give Aku a better place as well."

Chuuya only smiled and opened the door for you. "I assume we will see each other again."

You took the elevator to the floor where the office of the Detective Agency was. Before you could do it yourself, the door of the office opened, a boy with blonde hair and a straw hat standing behind it with a smile on his face.

"Chuuya told us you will be coming."

"Did he now?" You let out a chuckle. It was slightly forced and very ironic considering that you were covered in the blood of one if not the most important man in Yokohama.

"Yosano!" The boy shouted and made way for you to enter the office.

You had heard of the doctor. You knew her ability and you knew her past. Mori didn't really keep his achievements private when he wanted to terrify his opponent.

Yosano was leaning against the door of her examine room, a sorrowful expression on her face. "I killed Mori Ougai." You mumbled.

"It must have been awful" A ginger haired boy said. Yosano approached you, ready to examine you fully.

"It was... yet it felt... powerful." You muttered, no sign of emotion in your voice. "The blood is not mine." You looked down.

"I will bring you a new change of clothes then so you can meet the president" She patted your back and opened the door of her examine room to lead you inside. You heard it close behind you and let out a heavy sigh.

"Long time no see."

The voice was familiar and soft like velvet with perhaps a hint of a small smile.

"That is all you have to say?"

Dazai's eyes were blooshot red and it didn't take much thinking to understand that he had been crying before you walked in there. He let out a sad laugh and nodded.

You took a small step and sat beside him on the bed that was meant for patients. He turned to look at you before taking your hand in his as if he hadn't left you without notice four years ago.

"My hands are covered in blood." You managed to say, fighting tears.

"So are mine, let me take half the blame."

#dazai osamu x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai x reader #dazai #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #writing #anime and manga #anime #manga #dazai angst #dazai fluff

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moonmoonloves · 2 years

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Kinda confused at Sterek hate. Like, I’ve just been sitting happily in my little corner that I’ve curated for myself with lovely people that love all the ways they can fall in love. But a lot people really think we’re gross?

I thought Hoechlin said the age gap between them was originally supposed to be three years so that he would have been a senior when they were freshmen and that’s how they would’ve known him, but then JD decided to have Kate rape him so he had to age him up?

A lot of the haters try to pretend that Sterek shippers weren’t purposefully queerbaited, like that “we’re on a ship” moment didn’t happen. Also, they don’t seem to understand time progressing? In ALL of the Sterek fic I read their relationship is consensual and Stiles is above the legal age of consent. Stiles is in college, or back from college, or they’re just grown adults living their lives. I love a good slow burn, like years in the making: from enemies to begrudging allies to begrudging respect to friends to lovers. My favorites are Derek gets therapy. I would say the driving force behind me even getting into teen wolf fic was Derek Hale Deserves Nice Things, because holy shit JD hates him (which can be further proven by the recent movie, not that we were ever in any doubt).

Let’s also not forget that canon doesn’t have to matter in fic. We can pick and choose. You can age them up, down, make them the same age, there can be time travel, time skips, au’s where you can change literally anything.

Shipping them for me boils down to the chemistry between the actors playing them. The ship wouldn’t exist without it. If Hoechlin had been cast as Scott for some reason, I’m quite sure we would have been Sciles shippers. And the fact of the matter is the actors playing them were 19 and 23. Their chemistry on and off screen is what fueled their ship despite the fact that that may not have been the intention of the show, the writers, or even the actors themselves. I started watching Teen Wolf thinking Sterek would eventually be canon just from gifs of them together because that’s how strong their chemistry was.

I have read so much great Sterek fic, some of it was better written than books I’ve read, and it was given for FREE. I think that’s amazing and I just don’t get the hate lol.

#sterek #teen wolf #stiles stilinski #derek hale #dylan o'brien #tyler hoechlin #I love fic writers #I appreciate you

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eff-plays · 4 days

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What do you think about the claims that Astarion fans who are headcanoning him as being soft and romantic with Tav are just stealing this character trait from Wyll? It's been going on in the fandom for a while and it's frankly getting annoying. I know many people (haters and fans alike) likely never played the game beyond Act 1 and/or think Astarion is like that throughout the entire story, that he's evil and incapable of changing as a character, but saying he doesn't have any romantic moments is just...not true?

Ooooh!! Interesting question and I have opinions on it that are, I hope, a bit more nuanced here as a stan of both Astarion and Wyll.

It's gonna be a bit of a mess to explain though so please bear with me as I try to untangle this conundrum.

I think!! That both sides have a point but are just sorta talking past each other a bit.

Does Astarion display a lot of gentleness and softness toward Tav in Act 2 and his Spawn ending? Yes! Absolutely!! People who deny this or argue that him displaying these canonical traits is "stealing" from Wyll are, in my opinion, incorrect, and are letting their somewhat justifiable personal dislike for the guy and the very justified distaste for how the fandom treats him compared to Wyll bleed into their perception of this specific part of his portrayal.

HOWEVER.

A lot of people who enjoy Soft!Astarion do end up stepping into the same cow plops as the Dom Daddy Astarion stans, in that their equivalent of romantic, soft Astarion is the classic gentlemanly, smooth-talking, chivalrous guy who knows how to woo his lover in the traditional, classic ways. I do not think this is, um, faithful to his character. At all. This is the aspect that some fans, in an attempt to express that Astarion can be gentle and romantic, end up either accidentally or purposefully "stealing" from Wyll.

The fact that Astarion can and will be soft and gentle in a romance is conflated with how he would express those feelings, in the typical fandom way of "well I like this guy and I like the idea of these things so I will attribute those things to this guy". Which in this case just ends up taking away from Wyll. Like, if you supposedly "like" the idea of a traditionally romantic and smooth character, why are you then assigning those traits to a guy who is neither of those things, when a guy who IS those things gets a suspicious zero of your attention?

Am I making sense?

Astarion IS capable of being gentle and soft with his lover, but he would not EXPRESS it the way Wyll would. And by making Astarion express something he would feel in a way that's more Wyll-flavored, it does raise some flags. If this is the dynamic you're interested in, why aren't you into Wyll more? If you're interested in Astarion being soft, why don't you like him expressing it how he would express it, aka being awkward, goofy, inexperienced, and saccharine? If you love Astarion so much, why are you assigning to him the traits of a different guy?

Why are you taking Wyll's expressions of love to make Astarion more palatable and suited to your tastes? What is it about Wyll that you don't like if his expressions and characteristics fit your preferences more? Ya feel me?

So when some people say that "Astarion wouldn't be soft and romantic, stop stealing from Wyll!" what they usually mean is "Astarion would not express himself this way, and you taking stuff from a Black character and giving them to a white dude is kinda sus and I'm tired of it."

And what Astarion fans hear is "Your guy is fuck and I hate him. Here's me denying his canonical depth and character growth."

You get me??

On that note, I also have some thots on character-swapping in cutscenes, which is slightly related to this. On the one hand, I think it's like whatever, ya know? I've seen tons of gifs where somebody swapped in Solas and Lavellan into the dance at the ball in DA:I. Make your guys do whatever. I even have a scene planned in my fic where Astarion dances with Hiraeth (though not like that, it's a bit more intimate/awkward cuz Astarion is self-conscious and weird aobut it), so I don't think he wouldn't dance with Tav. I just don't think he'd do it how Wyll would do it.

But when you see Astarion and Gale gifs dancing with Tav over and over and over and over, while seeing Wyll swapped in for someone else happens once upon a dream (I've literally only seen Wyll standing in for Astarion in the forest sex scene ONCE), it does sorta ... Leave a taste in ya mouth, ya know? Like if you want a romance with a cute dance scene ... There is already a guy ... You definitely know about him. And while I don't think every individual person who wants to see their OC dance with their love interest is inherently racist for character-swapping, it becoming a trend in fandom that fails to produce the same amount of content for the Black character whose cutscenes they're using is still, uh, yikes. Ya know? Like the fandom loves the cutscene but Wyll's presence in his own content is rare. For some reason.

#bg3 #bg3 fandom critical

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epersonae · 4 months

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I wrote this originally as a reblog of something else, but after letting it sit in drafts for a while realized it needed to be its own thing. (but do go read that post, it was what got me thinking in this specific direction) I have not edited it much, other than to remove some intro about the kind of shitty day(s) I was having in my non-online life that were part of why I wrote something and then sat on it.

I have been thinking about

Don't like, don't read

(I saw this with rainbow text, and I asked how the fuck to do that, and frankly I don't have that level of patience, so just imagine it rainbow I guess)

And..........

Sure? We're all just here to have a good time or whatever, and Just Like Stuff, and it's exhausting being a hater (but also [stares at people I know who I've seen say all that and who are also ABSOLUTELY haters in private])

But I want something more nuanced than that. I mean that as both:

a writer of things I know other people have taken issue with (including, I remembered today, something that I heard secondhand about, in addition to the vagueblogging I've mentioned in an earlier post about my older fic)

and a reader/art appreciator who has some issues with things I've tried to read and art I've seen.

I don't what it is or how it works or how to get from here to there. I don't even really know how to do this with people I'm close to! (with the exception of having been a thoroughly obnoxious beta constantly saying "make me believe this could even happen", or pointing out conflicts with canon or whatever) I tend to silently nope out and then change my opinion of the person without ever telling them, because yeah, I'm horrifically conflict averse.

Which is why this might sit in my drafts for a long time.

And then, outside of friendships, and Difficult Conversations or whatever

I don't like pile-ons. I don't like a couple of people trying to articulate what bugs them about a piece of writing, and maybe being awkward or clumsy about it, and immediately getting drowned out by "you're being mean to my friends". (and I say that as someone who has had friends' writing receive this sort of critique! Multiple friends!) Maybe the immediate answer is, yes, the back button, but it has to be possible to dissect what's bothering you about a piece of writing (or a trope, or a ship) without it being negativity or an attack.

Here, I'll go first, because these are two things in OFMD fic that bug me endlessly, that writers I like have written, and I think they exhibit a subversion of the source material that is counter to the actual themes of the show.

Note: since I wrote all of this, I have written a little bit about my sort of complicated feelings about a fic that imho is an original novel in a trenchcoat, a sort of fic lacroix despite being very good. these examples are in the same vein as that.

Inevitable fucking disclaimer: I don't think people are wrong or bad for doing these things, I'm not going to try to make anybody stop, I practice don't like don't read (and I have some exceptions that I've enjoyed despite it being something I don't like generally)

Enemies to lovers: the whole point of Ed and Stede is that they click perfectly and immediately. They like each other! From the very first minute it's friendship and mutual admiration and delight and attraction. Enemies to lovers is a cliche that belongs to a different story entirely. I wish people would think more before jumping to that trope. (I've had an AU in my head for months that I absolutely cannot write until I solve this problem from the AU's source material) It's an interesting question to me, actually, why it seems to be so easy to write characters who don't like each other and then somehow fall in love, when the source material shows them liking each other SO MUCH right away.

Younger than middle aged: again, the whole point is that they are changing their lives, that their midlife crises brings them to the point where they can find love. I think it's a djenks Themes and Motifs thing, to have a story about getting to this point in your life and really looking at it and going "am I where I need to be?" Also it's incredibly unique and special to me after the last few years of my own rolling midlife crisis. (petty thought that I have sometimes: it is a failure of imagination about or knowledge of actual middle-aged people) Tbh, this goes double for age difference, I will nope out of that even faster than both of them being young.

And I think there's something about being able to not like something and still not be a dick about it, to know enough about what you do like to look at something and say "this doesn't work for me and here's why", to engage thoughtfully and critically (and yeah occasionally in public) while still having respect for the other person.

I am thinking also of @emi--rose and @frommybookbook and music, and their efforts to find kpop and Taylor Swift, respectively, that I might enjoy, because I don't like most of either, and I think this thing we've been doing is helping all three of us understand more about what we all do and don't like.

[pausing to think]

It occurs to me, also, that I spent a lot of time griping while editing for the benefit of all the broken hearts, about having to go back and do a lot of set up/rewriting to make some of what happens in that read plausibly. And I was soooooo bitchy about it and also that critique was all correct and it made the story stronger even aside from making it more "canonical", whatever the fuck that means in that particular setting.

And that was in the particular creative intimacy setting of working with a beta, which is different, admittedly, from random critique on the open internet.

But then I spent a while, back in the day, immersed in the TAZ questions of "is Lucretia a lesbian?" and "can Magnus ever love again?" and I wrote my rarepair (and associated polycule shipping) very much from my id, and a certain amount of "you can't tell me that didn't happen" that was based on overidentification and personal experience, but there were definitely people who were pretty publicly "ew" about it, and I had to think through my position, and both decide what felt true about and also decide to write from my weird heart, but not blindly.

Idk, I've written all of this and I'm just landing on

I think introspection is nice.

I think it's good to do, I think it's worth thinking about what you like and don't like, and maybe where that comes from, and not in a puriteen way but with sincerity and curiosity. I would like to support and encourage that spirit of artistic introspection.

#as always I am poking at the third option/secret third thing #yes this is related to the ask about worrying about public opinion #I have like eight other thoughts that branch off from/connect to this #including some stuff about fandom culture and what it means to make art in this context #and social dynamics and sometimes spoken poorly articulated rules #the balance between #don't like don't read #vs #the first amendment protects you from the government not the justin #etc etc etc #thank you to several folks who had very insightful things to say in private conversations over the last couple of weeks #though many of these thoughts have been marinating for a few years now

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saintsenara · 8 months

Note

Absolutely no pressure if it really does make you uncomfortable to talk about but I would LOVE to hear about why dramione pisses you off... first and foremost because I'm a card-carrying dramione hater and there's nothing quite as enjoyable as a fellow hater articulating their haterade. Please. I'm handing you the mic. Go to town. (If you want!)

thank you very much for the ask, anon - and it's very sweet of you to ask whether dramione makes me sincerely uncomfortable [it doesn't, and if there's ever a day when i find harry potter shipping preferences that deep i shall face god and walk backwards into hell]. i subscribe to one belief in fandom above all others - that you can write yourself into, and out of, the most nonsensical premises if you are willing to engage with your characters in their full spectrum and if you have enough nerve. which is to say, there is almost certainly dramione out there that i would regard as interesting and well done, which feels coherent as a premise within which to situate both hermione and draco's canon selves, and which does so by being unsparing in how it deals with the whole "he thinks she's literally subhuman" thing...

but the reason i don't like dramione as a pairing is because i've never actually seen it done in a way that actually is interesting.

i'm on the record as a straightforward hater of fanon!hermione - the preternaturally perfect, incandescently beautiful "brightest witch of her age" [lupin means by this - please, i am begging you all to understand - that she's clever for a fourteen-year-old, not that she's some sort of epoch-defining intellect] who makes you wonder if we've all forgotten the early-00s flame wars over mary-sues. i am also on the record as a hater of the classic draco-in-leather-pants version of the other half of our pairing - draco is an insecure, pointy little dickhead whose jokes always flop, and he is so much more fun in this form than he is as the suavest man alive.

and, obviously, dramione is famous for being beholden to these characterisations [something, if i may, which is really letting harmony and snamione off the hook...]. and that is just so boring! even in a setting in which an author doesn't want to deal with the context of blood-supremacist prejudice - and good for them! why not! - i would much rather see fics think interestingly about how mashing draco and hermione's personalities together would actually go. how would he handle her constant need to debate things? how would she handle his fits of crippling jealousy? how would he handle her stubbornness? how would she handle his self-interestedness?

and i think something quite striking could actually come of this... as i've noted elsewhere, draco's narrative mirror is ron, who is obviously a ride-or-die hermione stan, and there is - therefore - a way set out within the arc of canon for thinking about how hermione and draco might interact. it could be a genuinely fantastic piece of enemies-to-lovers fun, but this would involve both hermione and draco's canonical characteristics being thought about [and harry and ron's: the former always seems to come around to dramione really quickly, while the latter is written as a death-eater-adjacent boor who doesn't want the woman who "belongs to him" to be happy], and i'm afraid that the vast, vast majority of dramione writing seems to have no interest in doing this when "just make him suave and her perfect" exists...

but, of course, there is a second major objection which i know many people have to dramione: that he is a member of a terrorist organisation which believes in eradicating people like her, and that he believes wholeheartedly in that organisation's beliefs.

and my feelings about this are more complicated.

because, to be frank, as someone who has - only this week - written harry having a sensual little snog with his parents' murderer, i can't really get up on my high-horse about people shipping the heroes with the villains. and, indeed, i won't - another fandom [and life!] principle i have is that the potential of redemption for everybody is one of the most important things about humanity; that even the most evil people can repent and repent sincerely; and that love is strange and unpredictable.

i do think something interesting could be done with draco having to unlearn literally everything about his life, and with both him and hermione grappling with their personal limits when it came to remorse and forgiveness as they realise that, against all the odds and no matter the heavy weight of the past, they want to make something together. but, once again, the standard move in dramione seems to be a sort of "nooo, he didn't really mean it!" or a "hermione gets over it immediately because he didn't rat them out when the snatchers caught them!" [no - he didn't rat harry out. he doesn't seem to have a problem with hermione getting tortured by bellatrix...] or a "well harry using sectumsempra means i'm over the fact he called me a mudblood" or "uwu he was sixteen". and, once again, i think it's dull!

and this, of course, brings us to the other category of dramione - the one in which she's a dirty little fucktoy for a sadistic pureblood lord. while this is at its worst in other hermione/death eater ships, we've all seen the fics: hermione is given to draco as a forced bride; hermione is given to draco as a sex slave; hermione is given to draco to be degraded etc.

i have no moral objection to people wanting to read and write this stuff, because i'm neither a cop nor a priest. my objection, once again, is that this is dull.

i think there is something really, really interesting which could be done with draco finding himself attracted to hermione despite what he's been raised to believe about her, above all for the way this could be used to play with the gendered dynamic we might expect to find when this trope is used.

discrimination is justified by societies - again and again throughout the course of history - with the claim that it protects women [and men's claim to them]. we can imagine easily that this is the same in the wizarding world because voldemort literally tells us so - in the opening chapter of deathly hallows he explicitly equates tonks' marriage to lupin as the cause of the "rot" in the black family tree, before he goes on to murder charity burbage while accusing her of supporting miscegenation.

what we see less frequently is the idea that men need to be protected from the other - societies are much more amenable to seeing men's behaviour as hypocrisy [and tolerating this] rather than moral corruption, and we can assume in the wizarding world that it would be perfectly acceptable for a pureblood man to have a muggleborn mistress or a half-blood love-child in a way it never would be for a pureblood woman.

so how does draco justify his attraction to hermione to himself? how does he keep her a secret? how does he think of women more generally, if he has a pureblood wife at home and a muggleborn woman he cheats on her with? does he see nothing contradictory about sneaking off into broom cupboards and then strutting into the slytherin common room and telling pansy parkinson that hermione is a digusting mudblood dog?

or, does he get the other side of the coin? do lucius and narcissa think he's being corrupted? is his temptation all-consuming? will he lie about hermione attacking him to save face? will he turn on the tears and place her in unimaginable danger and then feel only the slightest hint of regret?

and i just think that has so much more potential than your standard "draco's sadistic but, more importantly, he's hot" stuff.

because i will read things that are objectively baffling if they are, at least, interesting. dramione nation, i'm begging you... just be interesting.

#asks answered #asenora's opinions on ships #hermione granger #draco malfoy #i'm not tagging the ship tag for obvious reasons #but also i'm not tagging the anti tag because this ended up being nicer than i was expecting...#i contain multitudes

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bad268 · 8 months

Note

hiii! any chance you could write a Sebastian Montoya enemies to lovers fic? in my Sebas era at the moment 🤩🥳

Because of You (Sebastian Montoya X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 2/3

Requested: Clearly (thank you for being patient I loved this request!)

Warnings: road rash, injury, mentions of being attacked, hurt/comfort, “i had nowhere else to go” i hate myself

Pronouns: First person (I/me)

W.C. 2015

Summary: Classic enemies to lovers with Sebas

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

Racing was my life. For as long as I could remember, I was racing, and I was racing well. I rose through the ranks relatively quickly going straight from karting to single-seater championships within two years, and I was already catching the eyes of different Formula 1 teams.

One thing is for certain: I had my fair share of haters. One of which was someone I looked up to while karting who then turned out to be my teammate in F4 and FRECA at Prema and eventually, in F3 for HiTech. That person would be none other than Sebastian Montoya.

It was all fine when we first met during preseason testing for F4. We were getting along great, found some common interests, and he gave me some tips and tricks he used to prepare for a race. All was well until the season started, and I started winning.

It was like I was no longer a friend but a competitor, so I did what I always did and reciprocated the acts. If he was going to be cold to me, I would be cold right back. I was taught to never waste my time on people who didn’t deserve it, and when he ran me off the road during a crucial race of the FRECA season, I saw red.

“You gonna run me off the track again, Montoya?” I teased as we both walked out of the HiTech garage toward our new cars for free practice in Spielberg for the F3 race. “I don’t think the bosses would appreciate that, honestly.”

“If you stay out of my way, we won’t have a problem,” He sneered, rolling his eyes as he finished doing up his race suit.

“Oh, trust me. I plan to be nowhere near you,” I laughed as I pulled my balaclava over my head and started preparing the straps to my helmet. “Besides, it’s not like I have a problem with keeping my nose clean.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed given that you crashed into Gabriele last week,” Sebastian mocked, pointing out my DNF from a couple of weeks ago.

“Because you turned wide!” I exclaimed, slamming my helmet down on the table. “You turned into me, and I took evasive action. It wasn’t my fault. You were the one that got the penalty, dumbass.”

“At least I finished the race,” he snickered as he turned to walk toward his car.

“And at least I can run in the top 3,” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

“Mind saying that a little louder?” Sebastian snapped, turning to face me as he came to stand directly in front of you.

“I said, at least I can run in the top 3,” I stated firmly, not backing down from his threatening stance. “At least I can say that I’ve won in Monaco. I’m keeping up in the title fight, and where are you? Oh, right! Down in 14th. Our gap is almost as bad as Alonso on Stroll.”

“My car is shit, and you know that,” he seethed, getting up in my face as he pointed a pinger at my chest.

“Excuses, excuses. We have the same fucking car, Seb,” I pointed out as I glared at him. “We all have the same fucking car, so don’t blame the team for your shitty driving style. Maybe if you knew how to drive, you would keep up.”

“You two can fuck later, get in your cars!” Dino shouted from the next garage over as he put his helmet on.

“Shut up, Dino!”

The race went great for me. I secured pole position, scored third in the sprint, and won the feature race. These points shot me up from third to leading the championship. I was on top of the world. I decided I was going to celebrate for the night before I left for the next race.

I was walking through the streets of Monaco pretty late at night. I was pretty sure I knew where I was going but it was also my first time in Monaco. I should have followed the map closer. I don’t remember if I walked into a bad area or if it was some crazy haters. All that I remembered was them yelling at me.

“You’re stealing a seat from people who really deserve it!”

“You’re never going to win the championship!”

“Gabriel deserved that win! You’re just in his way!”

“Undeserved! You’re just lucky!”

At some point, it got physical, and they didn’t stop until they heard sirens in the vicinity. I was breathing heavily as I picked myself up off the ground, immediately taking notice of the soreness across my face and my limbs. Somehow, I limped my way back to the hotel I would need to check out of in the morning.

I got into my room, and as soon as I saw my reflection, I broke. It hit like a ton of bricks (and looked like it too). I slid down the wall, letting it all out. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be in F3. Maybe I didn’t deserve my seat. There are definitely more talented drivers out there. Heck, Ollie swept the weekend at the last race in Baku, and I couldn’t get past Fornaroli for second in the sprint. Maybe they were right.

I took a deep breath, stood up, and moved toward the restroom to get a good look at the wounds and clean them. My right eye was black and bruised, there was a large gash on my eyebrow, my lip was bleeding, and don’t even get me started on the road rash on my arms and legs. I was going to need some supplies to clean these up.

I grabbed my room key and walked out to the hall. Hopefully, Dino or Paul would be in their rooms. Across the hall was Dino’s room to which he didn’t answer. I sighed, already knowing if Dino didn’t answer, he probably already left, and chances are Paul was also gone. Still, I moved over a door and knocked on Paul’s door. Of course, he’s gone too.

They were the only people I talked to on the grid, and I was not about to swallow my pride and go to the lobby for a first aid kit. Just as I was about to head back into my room, I saw a light flash from under a door. Specifically, Sebastian’s door. How desperate was I going to get for this first aid kit? Enough to ask my sworn enemy for help? Yes.

I sighed, walking up to his door. I hesitated before knocking. What was he going to say? What if he laughed? What if he just slammed the door in my face? What if- I didn’t let my mind run anymore as I hurriedly knocked. It took a couple of seconds, but a confused Sebastian opened the door. As soon as he registered it was me, his gaze hardened until he took into account my appearance, his eyes softening almost immediately.

“I had nowhere else to go,” I whispered as I bit my lip, already expecting him to turn me away. “Do you have a first aid kit I can borrow?”

“Who the fuck mauled you?!” He all about shouted as his jaw dropped.

“Shut up,” I hissed, covering his mouth as I pushed him into his room. I closed the door quickly as I flipped us, so I was leaning into him against the door. “Do you have any idea what time it is? You’re gonna wake someone up.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied sarcastically as he pushed my hand away from his face in annoyance but quicking wincing as he heard my hiss of pain as he rubbed against one of the road rashes on my arm. He sighed as he dropped his voice to a softer tone, “Sorry, it’s not every day your teammate shows up at your door bloody. Forgive me for freaking out.”

“No, it’s a valid response,” I admitted, stepping back to give him space. That’s when I notice his eyes looking me up and down, taking in all of the injuries. “I just need alcohol and bandages if you have any.”

“Here, hop on the counter,” He offered, leading me into the bathroom. “I’ll help you.” He put his hands on my waist to help me jump up as the rashes on my legs had started scabbing and it was getting difficult to bend them. We fell into a comfortable silence, surprisingly, as he started addressing the wounds on my legs first. As he moved up my legs, he would glance up at me, making sure I was comfortable with what he was doing, causing me to nod almost every time. The one time I didn’t nod immediately was when he got back to my hips and grabbed the end of my shirt. “What if there’s a rash on your side? Or something with your ribs?”

“I don’t think I’m comfortable with taking my shirt off in front of you, Seb,” I said, honestly. “We’re constantly at each other’s throats. Who’s to say you won't make a comment about my body?”

“I would never,” He defended, “I just want to make sure you’re okay. How about I just lift it and do a quick check? If there’s nothing, we move to your arms.”

“Quick check,” I pressed, sending him a pointed look, “Nothing else.”

“Nothing else,” he smirked, pulling up my shirt a little and his eyes grew wide immediately. “So, good news and bad news. Good news, there’s no rash. Bad news, you are fifty shades of back and blue.”

“You’re kidding,” I gasped as I tried to turn around and look at my reflection, but quickly felt the pain from turning, causing me to hiss in pain again. “Okay, I believe you.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He stood directly in front of me but refused to meet my eye.

“Why would you be sorry? It’s not like you did this,” I asked. He had no reason to apologize for something he didn’t do. “If anything, you’re making it better.”

“I just- if I had been nicer, if we had been friends, if I had gone out with you tonight, none of this would have happened,” he admitted. “Instead, I was in here, watching a movie while you were out getting attacked. I just feel like I could have prevented this somehow.”

“That is out of your control,” I told him. Of course, it was! “You can’t control how people feel toward me. You can’t control the haters.”

“But if you had someone with you, the haters probably wouldn’t have approached you,” he explained, finally meeting my gaze. “I could have protected you.”

“That’s sweet of you, but you hated me when I left the track. There’s no way you would have risked yourself on my behalf.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s a fine line between hate and love,” Seb admitted. “Maybe I was jealous of your success. It’s hard being compared to my dad all the time, and I was finally doing good. No offense, but you came in out of nowhere and started dominating. I don’t know if I was just jealous or envious.”

“Really? I’m here because of you!”

“What?”

“You were my idol, Seb,” I chuckled. “I saw you at a karting competition a few years ago, and because of you, I started karting. I was so excited to race with you, and it was awesome getting to learn from you ahead of the season. Then, you just flipped, and I didn’t know what I did. All I knew was that suddenly you hated me, and I reacted back.”

“You’re here because of me? And because of me, we became enemies?”

“Yeah, but because of me, we could be in our lover's arch,” I slipped in, jokingly. At least, it was supposed to be jokingly. Sebastian didn’t take it as a joke as he immediately leaned in and connected our lips in the first of many kisses.

~~~~~

#sebastian montoya x reader #sebastian montoya #sebastian x reader #sebas x reader #formula 3 x reader #formula 2 x reader #formula 2 imagine #formula 3 imagine #formula 2 #formula 3 #f2 x reader #f2 #f3 x reader #f3 #bad268 #ship268 #thing268

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leejihoonownsmyheart · 2 years

Text

Car Crash

Genre: Fake dating, enemies to lovers

Tags/Warnings: idol!yn, idol!jihoon, gn!yn but they’re in a group with girls so interpret as you will (also sex), arguing, word count (all together) 35k words :(, Sungsoo exists which is always scary in fics, Jihoon’s kind of shy

Smut warnings: Reader is a bottom, dirty talk, teasing, Jihoon isn’t shy when they’re having sex, top!Jihoon, …mindbreak?, creampie, overstimulation, blowjob, fingering

Part One is here and after the very long wait of ten minutes here is the next part!

Part Two:

“Did you see this article?” You asked. You were lounging on Jihoon’s couch in his studio, just keeping him company while you waited for him to need you again to record the actual song. You two had been working on the demo for a few weeks and you finally had gotten the thumbs up from the company (and a glowing review from Bumzu) so now you two were recording the final version of it that would be on the single. Jihoon was mostly working on messing with what you two had already recorded and messing with the overlays.

“What article?” Jihoon asked. He didn’t look at you but he turned his head slightly in your direction as to indicate that he was listening.

“It’s about how long they think we’ve been together and what they think just started our relationship,” you replied. “We can tell from their adorable dates- chasing each other in the park and giggling over a shared plate of jjajangmyeon that the two are happy to finally be public about your relationship so we can assume that they might have even been together for years.”

Jihoon laughed, now turning his attention fully towards you.

“Together for years, huh?”

“And to think, Jeonghan kept saying we weren’t being convincing enough,” you agreed. “It’s so entertaining to read these. I learn a new thing about our relationship every day.”

Jihoon hummed; amusement still laced in his voice as he turned his attention back to the computer. You continued to read through the articles, trying to figure out what the media liked about you and Jihoon’s “relationship” and what they didn’t.

They had deemed you unabashed in the media. Claiming that you two were so proud of your relationship that the company didn’t dare give you any consequences. You were also praised for what you two were doing by coming forward with your relationship. Now in the ranks with that of Hyuna and Dawn and Momo and Heechul, people thought you two were brave for trying to normalize idols in relationships. It had brought both your groups more popularity overseas.

But you two were also condemned by netizens for being so shameless. Your dates were much too public in their opinions. But there were bound to be haters, you both had known that going in.

“Can you come over here? I want us to record the bridge again.”

You nodded, setting your phone down on the coffee table.

“Heard on that.”

“You’re obsessed with those articles- you know that?”

You glanced over at Jeonghan. He was laying on the shillings of the roof along with you, his arm dangling over the edge. Your eyes flitted back to the stars- the reason you two were up here in the first place, shutting off your phone.

“They’re interesting to read,” you replied. “It kind of sucks, you know? Reading all about this perfect amazing relationship I am in that is defying traditional Korean beliefs and it’s not even real.”

You sat up and pouted.

“I’m a romantic, Jeonghan. Romantics weren’t meant for fake relationships.”

“I guess you should have thought about that before-”

“Before I made a dumb assumption about a good man,” you interrupted, your tone mocking. “Haven’t I suffered enough for my transgressions?”

Jeonghan laughed and propped himself up on his elbows to look at you.

“Jihoon may have forgiven you, but as his friend I have to hold you accountable.”

You pouted and dropped yourself back down on the roof.

“I can’t believe he ever let me be his friend,” you said. “I was awful to him. I don’t deserve his friendship.”

“You don’t,” Jeonghan agreed, making a soft hey leave your mouth. “But I told you once and I’ll tell you once again. He likes you. Of course, he would forgive you.”

“He doesn’t like me,” you argued. “He tolerates me.”

“Wouldn’t you say that Jihoon is a romantic?” Jeonghan asked. You shrugged.

“He certainly comes off as one.”

“Romantics don’t just drop their feelings for someone like that.”

“Jeonghan, he wouldn’t have just dropped his feelings. I was consistently cruel to him. Those feelings died just the way that they should have,” you tried to rationalize. Still, as Jeonghan stared at you from across the roof you knew that he wasn’t convinced.

“Maybe you’re right,” Jeonghan said softly. He shifted next to you, laying down directly beside you so that your shoulders brushed. “I guess we’ll see.”

You two fell in silence again, mostly focused on just looking up at the sky. You wondered idly what Jihoon was doing right now. He was always so cooped up inside, it would probably be nice for him to get out for once, to look at the sky.

“We should probably get off this roof,” you said. “Before someone realizes we’re missing.”

Jeonghan sighed.

“I think we should just stay here for a second,” Jeonghan replied. “Up here things actually make sense.”

You mirrored his sigh.

“Yeah, they do.”

“I ought to punch Sungsoo in the face.”

You glanced up from your pancakes to look up at Chae who was staring at her phone in annoyance. You shot a confused look at Nari who shrugged, and Ai mirrored the action. All three of you looked back at Chae.

“Yeah...” You said hesitantly. ”I mean, none of us really agree with him on what he does-”

“But this?” Chae demanded. She waved her phone wildly as if any of you could see what was on it. “It crosses a line.”

All three of you stared at Chae, not sure what to say. She looked at you suddenly, her face red.

“How on earth does that idiot think you are supposed to promote two songs at one time?”

You blinked, staring at Chae with what you could only imagine to be a stupid expression on your face.

“What?”

“Haven’t you seen the release date for your single with Jihoon?” Chae asked. You shrugged.

“I’ve been trying not to stress about it while we try to choreograph,” you replied.

“It’s the third of November,” Chae replied.

Your eyebrows strewn further in confusion.

“Okay?”

“Wait-” Nari blurted. “I get it now.”

You turned sharply towards her.

“What? What’s the third of November?” You asked.

“That is our mini album debut date.”

You blinked.

“What?” You said, humor laced in her voice. “That can’t be right because that would mean-”

“You’re promoting two songs for one promotional period.”

You stared at Chae.

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

You didn’t know what to say.

“Okay,” you finally settled on. All three of your group mates looked at you.

“Okay?” Chae demanded. “What does that mean. You have to do something about this. You have to argue with him about this. Move your debut of the single with Jihoon. Why is he acting like it’s so time sensitive?”

You thought back to when Sungsoo had showed you that article. You read over it in your mind, remembering how it had detailed Jihoon. At the time, you had thought it was harsh. Ridiculously cruel and at the time you had been as anti-Jihoon as it got. Now that you knew him, now that you were friends?

It took just one wrong move for that reporter to decide to release that article. It took one click for someone to ruin Jihoon’s career entirely.

“I’m sure that Sungsoo has his reasons,” you finally said. “How hard can it be to promote two songs during one promotional period?”

“I heard you’re doing something stupid.”

You looked up from the video of you and Jihoon dancing together. You two had finally gotten the final choreography down. Now you just had to practice it, and nitpick it, and make it perfect.

“Something stupid?” You asked. “No, I’m all dry of stupid. I used all my stupid up on hating you.”

Jihoon’s head quirked to the side as he looked at you, the corner of his lip turning up. You looked back down at the video, your face reddening a little. You liked being able to make him smile, much more than you had liked to make him upset.

“Amazingly it seems you have learned to do other stupid things,” Jihoon replied.

You pulled your legs underneath you and looked up at him, leaning back on your hands.

“Yeah?”

“Sungsoo is forcing you to promote our single at the same time as our groups comeback?” Jihoon asked. “That’s stupid.”

“It’s certainly new,” you replied. “And I’m sure it will be tiring but I wouldn’t say stupid.”

“Do you realize that means you will be doing two stages a day for weeks?” Jihoon asked. He shook his head. “No, three stages a day, because you’ll be promoting a b-side for your mini-album won’t you?”

You nodded which just made an expression of frustration cross his face.

“Why are you being so nonchalant about this?” He asked.

“Why not?” You replied with a shrug. “I like to work.”

“I’ve seen your comeback for your group. It’s too high energy, you have all been working on it for months and yet you’re still about ready to collapse after doing it full energy.”

“And?”

“And our dance is high-energy, and precise vocals. You’ll be promoting two songs a day that leave you exhausted.”

You shrugged.

“I could stand to lose a few pounds. It will be good for me.”

Jihoon’s expression did not change. “You’re like talking to a brick wall,” he said bluntly. “I thought maybe your stubbornness towards me was just a way to make me angry but I guess you’re just always like this.”

It had been a while since you had annoyed Jihoon, so the comment sent a ping of discomfort through you. He was right, you were stubborn. You weren’t mad that he had said it. No, there was something else there.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Your health is a big deal to me.”

You just didn’t like to disappoint him, you supposed.

“It’s just one promotional period, seriously Jihoon, I’ll be fine.”

“Do you know what people are saying about me?” Jihoon asked. “The other guys keep insinuating that I should be able to convince you to change the promotional period of our single.”

“Well, you can’t,” you replied pointedly.

“Right. So I went to Sungsoo.”

Your heart stopped and that article flashed itself across your mind. You got to your feet suddenly, grabbing Jihoon by his wrist.

“You shouldn’t bother Sungsoo,” you blurted without really thinking about it. “Don’t you know that he’s doing this for you?”

Confusion shot through Jihoon’s eyes, causing you to drop his wrist.

“... For us?”

You weren’t very convincing.

“He said no,” Jihoon said bluntly. “So, as your fake boyfriend, I’m coming to you. Stop this madness before it starts.”

“There’s nothing to stop! The dates were already released. Our fans will be upset if the date changes,” you argued back. “Just drop it Jihoon, you’re making this out to be more than it is.”

“I'll turn off the computer.”

You stared at Jihoon.

“As fair as that is-”

“What kind of fake boyfriend do you take me as!” Jihoon protested. “I don’t want this. I don’t want to be the kind of boyfriend that judges you for your choices and expects you to do things just because I say so.”

He turned away from you.

“But that’s the kind of boyfriend that everyone expects you to have,” he said. “Dotting and attentive, so that’s what I have to be.”

Your mouth fell into an ‘o’. You stepped towards Jihoon, peaking around his shoulder.

“Is that what this is about?” You asked him. “You’re worried about being the kind of boyfriend that you think people expect me to have?”

“You know how much people talk about you when you aren’t around?” Jihoon asked, catching your gaze. “You’re perfect.”

You blinked.

“Perfect at fucking things up, you mean.”

Jihoon sighed, shaking his head.

“Perfect. Just in general.”

Jihoon waved his hands in the air.

“I don’t know, you’ve always been like that. Like, nice to everyone, huge smile, always willing to help people out. Everyone at Pledis knows that if they need something done and they need help doing it they should knock on your door,” Jihoon said. “Everyone loves you, everyone trusts you.”

“Not everyone-”

“Why does Jeonghan prefer you to like everyone else at Pledis?” Jihoon asked suddenly. “Why aren’t you fake dating Jeonghan? Why aren’t you real dating Jeonghan?”

“Woah-” You said. “You are all over the place-”

“He’s dotting, spends all his time with you, he’s always buying you food-”

“I’ve never wanted to date Jeonghan,” you interrupted, your eyebrows scrunching together. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“You two are just so close,” Jihoon said with a sigh. “You hated me when you first met me but you met Jeonghan and you two became best friends.”

You rolled your eyes.

“We aren't best friends,” you argued, even though… You kinda were. “My relationship with Jeonghan is...”

You trailed off, your brain trying to label you and Jeonghan’s relationship as something that made sense.

“You don’t want the same relationship with me as Jeonghan does,” you finally settled on.

“Yes I do,” Jihoon blurted. “I want to know you. Everyone else at this stupid company knows you in this different way but you just hang out with me because you have to. I wish...”

He trailed off.

“This is stupid. Do what you want, I don’t care just... Forget we had this conversation okay?”

You stared at him and for a while it was completely quiet between the two of you. He looked at you.

“Let’s get back to practice.”

“Would you call me emotionally stunted?” You asked.

“Undoubtedly,” Jeonghan agreed. “Why are you suddenly asking now?”

You glared at Jeonghan.

“Do you think our relationship is normal in anyway?” You asked next.

“If you have to ask that in a relationship it’s not normal,” Jeonghan replied bluntly. He glanced over at you, offering you the half of the sandwich he wasn’t eating. You sighed and took it.

“What does it mean if a man brings up your relationship with another man and says he wishes he had that sort of relationship with you?”

Jeonghan’s eyes narrowed.

“I feel like you answered the question in that question.”

You let out a loud groan and let yourself fall to the ground, the sandwich falling out of your hand. Jeonghan made a small sound of protest but you ignored him.

“I don’t get it,” you replied. “I was awful to him. How could he still like me? How could he want a friendship with me? How could he want a relationship like you and I have with me?”

“He likes you,” Jeonghan insisted. He grabbed your wrist and pulled you to sit up. “He likes you, and you just ruined half of a perfectly good sandwich.”

“He can’t like me, I-”

“He’s jealous,” Jeonghan interrupted. “He’s jealous because you’re stuck in a fake relationship with him and I’m still the one that you eat sandwiches on the floor with at four in the morning.”

“But we’re...” You felt frustrated. “Jihoon doesn’t want sandwiches on the floor with me at four in the morning. We’re just faking a relationship while trying to figure out what a friendship looks like for the two of us.”

“Have you never heard the enemies to lovers trope?” Jeonghan asked. “Isn’t it a dream? Someone who has seen you at your worst and still wants you?”

You weren’t sure what to say about that. You were quiet for a little bit, looking at the sandwich that had fallen on the floor. You picked up the top piece of bread and tore a piece of it off, putting it in your mouth.

Was that even what you wanted?

“Jihoon is too good for me,” you said finally. “He was trying to be the kind of boyfriend other people think that I need. How could he think about someone who hated him like that?”

You put another piece of bread in your mouth.

“He called me perfect.”

“He’s in love with you,” Jeonghan said with a shrug.

You wanted to scream at Jeonghan.

“He’s not in love with me,” you blurted. “He can’t be in love with me.”

“He liked you from day one, y/n,” Jeonghan said. “What more can I say?”

There was so much more that Jeonghan could say to make what he was saying make sense but he didn’t do anything of the sort. Instead the conversation switched to a different topic, and the subject of Jihoon didn’t return for the rest of the night.

And thus launched one of the most awkward phases of your relationship with Jihoon you would ever have. The no-talking because you were disagreeing phase.

When you had fought with friends in the past it had been different. Less frustrating. You knew the reason you two were fighting in the past. You weren’t sure why you were fighting with Jihoon. Not really.

You knew that you were annoyed at Jihoon for calling you perfect when you weren’t.

And you knew that Jihoon wasn’t talking to you.

He had postponed dance practice indefinitely, and when he saw you in passing...

You looked up when you heard his voice, your heart skipping a beat when you realized this would be the first time you had seen him this week. The debut was coming quickly, you knew you needed to say something to him. Your eyes shot to him, your brain completely forgetting what the topic of conversation was with Chae.

“Hey-” you said, taking a step towards him.

Jihoon glanced at you, up and down, and then turned to Soonyoung.

“You were saying?”

Soonyoung looked at you, his eyes wide, and apologetic.

“Oh, uh-”

Jihoon brushed past you, his shoulder bumping into yours. You felt warmth flooding your face, suddenly realizing that this was what it was actually like to be ignored. Not what you had thought it was before.

You tried so hard to get his attention, not realizing just how much you wanted it until it was gone. At least when you had hated him he said words to you. Now he made any excuse to even be out of your company.

Never a word to you. Always a glance at you and then just as soon as you had approached him he was gone.

You felt that sick feeling in your gut all over again. Not hatred but something similar to guilt.

If he thought you were so perfect why was he doing this?

“You and Jihoon fighting?”

Concern crossed your face as you glanced at Chae. The others were busy, looking over the dance practice video to see what still needed to be fine-tuned, but you and Chae had gotten a message from Sungsoo to check the upcoming schedule, so you two were occupied with something else entirely.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Not obvious,” Chae corrected. “Noticeable.”

You tried not to make it obvious just how worried that made you. You hoped nobody else picked up on your two’s behavior. You tapped your finger against your leg. Well, other than all of Seventeen who surely had noticed something was up.

“What’s up?” Chae prodded. You sighed.

“Same old,” you replied. “I did something stupid, and I’m the only one holding myself accountable for it.”

You chewed nervously on your bottom lip.

“Did you...” You trailed off. “Do you think Jeonghan and I have a weird relationship.”

Chae’s mouth dropped into an ‘o’.

“He’s jealous,” she said. Your eyebrows strewn together in frustration.

“To be jealous he would have to...” like me like that in the first place. “He’s not jealous Chae. I don’t know why he isn’t talking to me but it isn’t because of jealousy.”

Chae sighed.

“You’re impossible. I bet Jeonghan has been saying the same thing and you just keep saying the same weak argument.

“Hey-”

“Jihoon can’t ignore you forever.”

You sure hoped she was right.

You felt like you were going crazy waiting for him to start talking to you. It had been such a long time since you had felt something like this. When people stopped talking to you for whatever reason you were hardly that bothered by it. You knew that those people cared about you and that they would return, and if they didn’t return they didn’t care about you and you didn’t want them in your life anyways.

God, you could feel something tightening in the pit of your stomach. Why did it bother you like that? Why couldn’t you just move on and rationalize that if he wanted you in his life then he would talk to you again soon?

You could feel someone’s eyes on you as the song that you and Jihoon had written started to play again but you ignored it, figuring it was just Soonyoung coming in the studio to practice Seventeen’s choreography to their upcoming comeback.

Maybe even after this run through you could join him and give him advice on how the dance should go and give input on what you liked and didn’t like from what he was choreographing. One thing you really liked about Soonyoung was how serious he got about his choreography. You were used to seeing him mess around with the boys but he was never like that with when it came to his dances.

You hit the bridge of the song and a frown flashed across your face as you tried to imagine Jihoon being there with you. The choreography for this part was really dependent on Jihoon being there.

And just as you were thinking that, a hand found its way to your hip. You looked up in surprise, only to find that Jihoon was standing right there. He flashed you half a smile.

“Keep it up,” he encouraged.

It was a little clumsy, but that was only to be expected considering the fact that you two had only practiced together when making the choreography, but it was clear that just like you, Jihoon had been practicing without you.

The song came to an end, ending with Jihoon’s hands on your hips and your faces so close that you could kiss if you leaned just a little bit further. You felt your face warm up for reasons other than the exertion of the dance. You willed yourself to maintain eye contact with Jihoon.

“Hey,” you breathed uncertainly. “Does this mean...”

You wondered if you should even acknowledge that he had been ignoring you.

“You’re talking to me again?”

Jihoon pulled away from you, shrugging slightly.

“We have to practice the dance together.”

When you had spent all of your time hating Jihoon you had been so quick to getting frustrated at him. It was so easy to give him a piece of your mind and make him realize that something he had done had annoyed you.

What happened to the you that was mad at him for not talking to you?

“I’m sorry,” you said hesitantly.

Jihoon’s eyebrows shot up.

“Why are you sorry?” He asked. “I’m the one who just stopped talking to you.”

“But it was because...” You trailed off. “Okay, honestly I don’t know why you did.”

“When you’re upset you go to Nari,” Jihoon said. Your eyes widened slightly in surprise. How did he know that? “When you need advice you go to Chae. Ai is someone who can always make you laugh and when your bored and need someone to give you company you go to Jeonghan.”

Jihoon sighed.

“We’re fake dating and that’s the only reason that you see me,” Jihoon said. “It’s the only reason that you started to look at me with anything but malus in your eyes. It’s the only reason we are friends.”

“It’s a good thing,” you said. “We’re friends.”

“Barely,” Jihoon mumbled. “I just...”

There was a dull pounding in the back of your head that you just couldn’t ignore. Something about this situation made you focus even more on the tightening in the pit of your stomach.

He’s in love with you.

Your eyes widened in realization and your hand shot up, covering Jihoon’s mouth with your hand. Jihoon’s eyes widened at the sudden contact.

“Don’t-” You felt nervous. What were you supposed to say right now? Your heart was pounding in your chest so loudly you were worried that he was able to hear. You stuttered over nothing for a second, trying to find the right words. “Let’s practice,” you finally said, a nervous smile crossing your lips as you lowered your hand from his mouth.

Jihoon frowned slightly.

“You just want to...?”

“We have to practice,” you said. “And afterwards we can...” Your heart beat even harder in your chest, that gut wrenching feeling replaced by something akin to butterflies. “I’ll make more time for you. You won’t be Ai or Jeonghan, but you’ll be Jihoon. A friend for different circumstances then the others.”

A smile flickered across Jihoon’s face.

“I don’t really get you,” he said. “Do you hate me or what?”

“It’s to be determined,” you joked lightly.

With Jihoon talking to you again things were easier and awful all at the same time. For one you got back into the groove of trying to figure out where exactly you and Jihoon lied in your relationship. Despite not really being sure of how you felt about Jihoon you found yourself wanting to see him a lot and practices in the dance room simply weren’t enough.

You found yourself showing up in Jihoon’s studio more and more.

“Y/n!”

You smiled, peeking around the door of Jihoon’s studio to Mingyu. He leaned up on the couch, setting his switch on the coffee table.

“Hey Gyu! You were just the person I was hoping would be here!” You jumped around the door, holding your own switch in the air. If someone’s eyes could sparkle, Mingyu’s did in that moment.

“Jihoon, you have the best significant other.”

He excitedly pulled his legs underneath him and gestured for you to join him on the couch. You closed Jihoon’s studio door and rushed over to Jihoon.

“Hey, babe,” you said softly. Jihoon glanced at you like he hadn’t really noticed you had entered but you could tell by the way he was holding his pencil, much too tightly, that he had noticed you.

After your conversation about Jeonghan and your relationship you had learned that Jihoon got jealous very easily. It was never harmful, he didn’t tell you not to hang out with people and he was never mad at you for talking to others over him. But sometimes it made him tighten his jaw, or flex his fingers, and you knew that something was bothering him.

You let your hand fall into his hair and you gave him a short kiss to his cheek.

He had every right to be jealous, you thought. After all, you weren’t his.

Jihoon’s lips flickered into a smile and he glanced up at you.

“Wasn’t expecting you,” he said softly. He quirked his head up a little towards you. You couldn’t help the way your eyes flickered to his lips. You wanted so badly to just lean forward and...

You turned your head from him, as quietly as you could blowing out of your mouth trying to rid yourself of your suddenly very rampant thoughts.

“I thought I would swing by,” you said. You cleared your throat and wandered over to the couch with Mingyu. “Someone’s got to help Mingyu keep you company.”

You got used to Jihoon’s little studio. More than you had ever thought you would. You were starting to know every nook and cranny. You found yourself being comfortable all over his studio. The floor, the couch, his desk. Your mind echoed of a time when Jihoon would be mad at you for making yourself so comfortable there. But now Jihoon didn’t even blink twice when he found you on his desk.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Jihoon asked. He spoke like he had no clue that you were going to be there, but he handed you a little takeout container.

“Just thought I’d come see you,” you replied cheekily. Jihoon pressed his lips into half a smile, and he leaned in towards you. He paused before he had really closed the distance, something flickering in his eyes.

“It’s good to see you,” he said softly.

There were times when you forgot what it had been like to dislike him. Forgot how your stomach had churned just at the sight of him. Now when you saw him something else fluttered through your stomach, making you feel a little lighter than usual.

And that was the downside to all of this. The downside to perkily saying hi to him when you bumped into each other in the morning. The downside to being up at three in the morning eating noodles on his desk. The downside to thinking about him every morning when you woke up and texting him when you were bored at practice.

That feeling in your stomach. The one that had butterflies fluttering through you. Why did he make you feel like that?

That light feeling. You didn’t get it.

“We have to go on a date tonight,” you said excitedly. “Sungsoo says that the media is getting comfortable with us- That's why we don’t have to go on so many anymore- but even still we have to go on some.”

You leaned forward, placing your hands on his desk as you turned your head to look at him.

“We wouldn’t want break up rumors.”

“We’ll have a lot of interactions during our promotional periods,” Jihoon mumbled. “We don’t have to constantly go on these stupid public dates.”

You noted that even as Jihoon spoke, he had a smile on his lips.

“You don’t seem like you hate it that much,” you observed lightly. You turned around, your back to his desk now. “Besides it’s kind of fun to hang out in public. Your studio gets stuffy.”

Jihoon’s eyebrows rose.

“I thought you liked my studio.”

You hummed.

“What’s not to like?” You said, letting your tone of voice come off as a little sarcastic. Truth be told you had no issue with his studio. You loved the place, it was like a second home. But you were also buzzing at the idea of going on another date. “Where should we go?”

“Is it a crime that I rarely have patbingsu?” You asked as you two sat down with the dessert. He glanced up at you.

“I rarely have it too,” he commented. “I think it’s a good treat every once in a while.”

You hummed and took a scoop from the bowl, leaning forward as you put some into your mouth.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” You asked. You noticed some people had crowded around to see you both- some people were taking pictures from a distance- so you switched to sitting right next to him, as if you wanted to hide yourself. You two weren’t well disguised today- no hats, masks on your chins- but you didn’t really need to be anymore.

You weren’t pretending it was a secret now. This was just so that you could act a little shy to be with him. You leaned close to him.

“Kiss me?” You asked. You watched color spread to Jihoon’s cheeks as he looked at you.

“You’re shameless aren’t you?” He murmured. He leaned closer to you and as he closed the distance you couldn’t shake the airy feeling in your body. You felt your breathing coming a little shorter, your heart beating faster.

You ducked your head away from Jihoon, a nervous laugh leaving your mouth.

“I’m just teasing you,” you mumbled, noting that you sounded a little breathless as you spoke. You turned your attention back to the patbingsu and raised a scoop of it to Jihoon’s face. “Don’t you think the media will think it’s cute if they catch pictures of us feeding each other?”

“What if we all had a movie night this weekend?” Ai suggested, bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet. You glanced over at her as you stretched your arms across your body.

“We have a movie night every week,” you said with a laugh. “You want to have another one?”

“Well,” Ai drawled out. “It’s just- I've been thinking. The girls and I don’t know Jihoon that well at all. What if this movie night you invited Jihoon?”

The simple mention of Jihoon had warmth rising to your cheeks and it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Ooh,” Chae teased. “Looks like our favorite couple isn’t fighting anymore.”

“You and Jihoon were fighting?” Nari piped in suddenly, surprise riddled over her face. You sighed, your face burning even hotter.

“A little,” you replied. “But we’re on the same page now, it’s all good.”

You looked back up at Ai.

“I can ask Jihoon if he wants to join us but he’s probably busy. You know how he is,” you said. Ai pouted at the concept that Jihoon might not come but either way you all agreed to plan the night.

You were honestly surprised by Jihoon’s answer.

“Oh, by the way, Ai and the others wanted to invite you to a movie night with us this Friday. Do you want to come?” You asked. “I told her you probably wouldn’t be able to so no pressure-“

“I would love to come,” Jihoon interrupted, he glanced over at you, his eyes a little wider than usual.

“Really?” You asked. “You really can say no.”

“I…” Jihoon trained off, eyebrows strewn together like he had been about to explain why he wanted to come. “I have the night off, so why not.”

And that’s how you ended up sitting smushed between Jihoon and Chae on the couch of your place, with the first Iron Man film playing in front of you.

Ai had done some research into the movie night as to make Jihoon enjoy it as much as possible. She got savory snacks she knew he liked and picked Iron Man because she knew he was a fan.

You idly thought she would make a better significant other to Jihoon then you did.

“Hey,” you whispered, leaning towards Jihoon. “Thanks for coming. It means a lot to Ai.”

Jihoon glanced at you, and you could just make him out in the soft glow of the television screen. He was so close to you.

“I’m happy to be here,” Jihoon replied.

It was weird really, you had grown so prone to spending time with Jihoon even behind closed doors. You wanted to justify it by comparing it to your relationship with Jeonghan but you couldn’t help but admit that what you said to Jihoon had been true. It was different.

You didn’t miss Jeonghan in the same way that you missed Jihoon when he wasn’t around. You didn’t have this urge to be as close to Jeonghan as possible. You didn’t look at Jeonghan and think that he looked really handsome with the light of the screen illuminating his face. And most notably, you didn’t get this unshakable feeling in your gut. Those stupid butterflies.

“We should…” you trailed before you could finish. Were you really about to say this? “We should hold hands. Ai would think that’s really cute.”

You thought Jihoon would brush it off, but instead, you felt his fingers intertwining with yours. He gave you a small squeeze.

“We’re starting to make a good fake couple,” he mumbled.

You nodded, suddenly thinking it was really hot in the room.

“We are.”

“You’ve got a lot going through that thick brain of yours,” Jeonghan observed. “It’s not really like you to keep it bottled up to yourself.”

You flipped over on Jeonghan’s bad, glancing up from your phone.

“It is actually exactly like me to keep it bottled up,” you corrected. “Do you know me at all?”

“Correction, you don’t tend to keep it from me,” he stated. “What’s going on in the Jihoon chapter of your life? Let me enlighten you with my unending knowledge of relationships.”

You grunted.

“You’re so fucking cocky,” you murmured. “It’s just…”

You trailed off, not really sure how to proceed. You knew that the solution to your raging thoughts was right in front of you, staring you in the face, but you didn’t want to acknowledge it either way.

“Do I have to say it?” You finally said. “You know. I know you know.”

Jeonghan’s lips quirked up into a small smile.

“You’ll believe it better if you say it.”

“Things have just been different with Jihoon recently. I’ve been really liking spending time with him, and getting butterflies when he says or does certain things, I’ve been wanting to be close to him. I just… I don’t know what it means I guess.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“You know what it means,” he drawled lightly.

You sighed.

Why did you ever bother lying to Jeonghan?

“I like him,” you relented. “ I like him. How did this even happen?”

Jeonghan shrugged.

“It could be worse,” he said unhelpfully. “It could be unrequited. Don’t tell me you think it’s unrequited still.”

You felt yourself bite down lightly on your bottom lip.

“No…” You admitted. “You were right. He likes me.”

Jeonghan nodded knowingly.

“It doesn’t have to be complicated y/n. Just tell him you like him. Enemies pretending to date? That’s complicated. Two people who like each other confessing. That’s easy.”

It was eating you from the inside out to think that you needed to confess to Jihoon. You’d never had to do this before. Had to tell someone that you liked them. You felt your heart pound in your chest every time you were around him. While you two were eating, or while you were listening to his music or when you two were just on one of your fake dates.

What if you were wrong after all? What if Jihoon didn’t actually like you?

Sure he got shy when you were teasingly flirting with him, and you felt the way his face burned when you kissed him on the cheek but even still...

You resisted the urge to shove your face into the notebook you were writing in as your mind reminded you of all the reasons you knew that Jihoon liked you.

You were being stupid. A coward.

“Are you okay?”

You looked up, surprised to find that Jihoon was staring at you from across the room. You shifted the way you were sitting on the couch.

“Me?” You asked as if there was anyone else in the room he could be talking to. You felt stupid. Why had you said something so stupid? “I’m fine.”

Jihoon stared at you, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Something’s bothering you,” he said softly. “I... I can just tell.”

You sighed. You should stop getting close to people. It meant that they could tell things you didn’t want them to know.

“I know that you have a crush on me.”

And it meant that you cared enough about them that you didn’t want to lie.

“Me?” Jihoon blurted, his eyebrows rising. He opened his mouth to deny what you were saying but as he did his cheeks reddened.

“I also have a crush on you,” you said before he could say more. Jihoon’s mouth gaped for a second, and then it closed. His eyebrows furrowed.

“But you... You hated me.”

“Past tense,” you agreed. “For the stupidest reasons.”

“Are we going to fight about this again?” Jihoon asked, pursing his lips in concentration.

“No?” But it sounded like a question. You got to your feet and walked over to Jihoon. “We don’t have to think about this.”

You placed your hands on Jihoon’s chairs arm rest, trapping him in his chair, you leaned close to him.

“I like you and you like me. It doesn’t have to be complicated.”

Jihoon’s cheeks blazed red and you would want to make fun of him if yours didn’t match.

You moved so that you were straddling Jihoon, loosely draping your arms over his shoulders.

“Do you like me?” You asked softly. Despite how embarrassed Jihoon looked his hands lowered to your hips.

“I do really like you,” he admitted. “The closer I got to you, the less you hated me the more I remembered why I’ve always really liked you. I’ve never actually entertained dating. When do I have the time?”

A smile flickered over your lips at the comment.

“But you make time for me. Even when you didn’t like me. You don’t expect me to always have time for you. I want to make this real.”

Jihoon cleared his throat.

“And you...?”

“I think I really want to kiss you,” you whispered back. You waited for some sign that Jihoon wanted that too, and this time the seeking of affirmation that you wanted to kiss Jihoon felt differently from before. Your heart was racing so quickly you could barely think about anything but him. He nodded.

“Okay,” he murmured. His head tilted towards you ever-so-slightly and you took that as your consent to lean forward and press your lips to his.

You and Jihoon’s kisses before had always been god awful. Your lips moved awkwardly against each other, your hands didn’t know where to be, you felt disgust spread through your chest but this time it was completely different. You had seen a million movies and read a million books about how when you kissed someone you truly liked you could feel a spark spread through your body and you knew that you were kissing someone you truly liked.

You felt yourself press closer to Jihoon, your chest closer to his then it had ever been. You could feel yourself too, deepening the kiss, so lost in it that your hips were shifting slightly in his lap. After a minute or so Jihoon’s fingers tightened on your hips, holding you still.

“Uh, y/n,” he mumbled. His voice was gruff as he spoke and it made you pull back enough that you could see his face.

“You’ve got to stop moving your hips like that,” he said softly. You raised an eyebrow.

“Why-”

And that was when you felt exactly why. Your face blazed red when you realized that you could feel something very hard pressing against your body. You looked down, mostly out of embarrassment.

“Oh,” you said.

“We should probably stop,” Jihoon said unsurely. “I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable,” you said quickly.

“I mean, what are you going to do if we stop,” you mumbled. Jihoon sucked in a breath.

“I can just wait it out.”

Silence fell between the two of you.

“Can I keep kissing you?” You asked finally, your voice soft. Jihoon pressed forward, bumping the tip of his nose to yours.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “If you want.”

You pressed your lips to his, this time brief and heavy.

“And you could loosen your grip on me if you wanted,” you said into the kiss. “It just feels more natural you know? To move a little while I kiss you.”

“You’re playing a dangerous game,” Jihoon mumbled, his eyebrow raising a little.

“I think I know what I’m getting myself into,” you said back. Jihoon’s head fell ever-so-slightly to the side.

“Are you sure about that?” He asked softly.

You honestly weren’t sure anymore. You couldn’t brush off the way his grip was actually tightening on your hips, and how dark his eyes had gotten as you suggested doing more. You had felt your body heating as soon as you realized that Jihoon’s hard cock was pressed into you (why had you thought straddling him was a good idea?) but the burning in your core had only grown the more that his fingers tightened their grip on you.

Instead of answering your pressed forward trying to kiss Jihoon again, but he quickly stopped you.

“I need an answer,” he insisted firmly. “Because I’m going to take this a step forward if you keep kissing me like that.”

You didn’t need him to explain exactly what he was insinuating doing, but the thought of where he wanted to take this made those nervous butterflies pop up in your stomach again.

“Your studio door is unlocked,” you mumbled lightly.

“I’m sure no one will come in,” Jihoon replied.

“Mingyu?” You brought up.

“It’s up to you,” Jihoon said softly. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want to.”

His grip loosened on your hips and your eyes widened.

“No!” You blurted. You took the opportunity to roll your hips down on Jihoon’s dick. You bit down nervously on your bottom lip.

“I mean I can help after all,” you mumbled. “Why don’t you let me help?”

Just as soon as you began to roll your hips Jihoon’s hands were back on your hips, a low moan leaving his lips.

“You’re going to help?”

You nodded.

“You’re going to be useful, huh?” He continued. Your face blazed but you nodded again. You weren’t really used to Jihoon making you so nervous, but suddenly you were ready to do anything he told you to.

“Use your words sweetheart,” Jihoon drawled.

“Please Jihoon,” you said, your voice faint. Jihoon leaned forward, his lips brushing yours.

“What was that?” As he spoke his cool fingers dipped under your shirt, dipping beneath the waist band of your underwear. You shivered under his touch, placing your hands on Jihoon’s chest.

“Please fuck me,” you murmured, and that was all you had to say.

When you had disliked Jihoon you had tried to avoid any piece of media that you could about him but one day you had found yourself reading a few fans gushing about what Jihoon would be like in bed. Some people thought he was a bottom, others pushed him as a hard top, or a switch. They went into detail about how Jihoon had proved time and time again that he was very good with his fingers, and that he would be rough when he needed to in order to get out all his pent up energy. You couldn’t say for sure, of course, that Jihoon was or was not a bottom but you could say for sure that right now? In this instance? You were completely his.

He turned his chair so that he could press your back into the edge of his desk, frustration bubbling up from his chest in the form of a grunt as he kissed you. He pulled back.

“You have too much on,” he mumbled. His hands pulled from where they were caressing your skin under your clothes, and he pulled your shirt over your head by its hems. You were quick to help him undress you, unclipping your bra and letting it drop to the ground. You reached forward, pushing at Jihoon’s shirt as you did, pulling it off as well. You two quickly separated until there was a messy pile of clothes on the floor and Jihoon had you pressed against a wall.

“Let’s see,” he mumbled, his hot breath puffing against your neck. He pressed a few kisses to your skin there as his fingers slid across the slit of your pussy. You were hoping that you weren’t too wet- after all you hadn’t been this desperate to fuck someone in a long time- why would you be that horny?

But you could tell by Jihoon’s exhale that your arousal was more than apparent.

“Baby,” he murmured, lifting his eyes to yours. “You’re so desperate, aren’t you? Your pussy needs a cock in it, doesn’t it?”

Your face burned in humiliation at Jihoon’s words but even so you managed to nod at him.

“Please,” you whispered. Jihoon’s lips flickered with a smile.

“I like this side of you,” Jihoon mumbled. “You’re so vulnerable.”

For a second, Jihoon’s expression turned soft.

“You’re that comfortable with me now?”

For some reason, that implication made you even more embarrassed than Jihoon talking about how badly you needed to be fucked.

“Shut up,” you managed to get out. “Thought you were just talking a big game about how badly I needed fucked. What happened to that?”

Lucky for you, Jihoon was extremely amused by your embarrassment. His fingers slid across your slit again, and again, his fingers dipping between your folds a little bit more each time he slid his fingers. He was teasing you, and you didn’t appreciate it.

You reached, forward, intent on touching Jihoon’s dick which was standing very tall and very hard, but before you could Jihoon’s other hand caught yours. He shook his head, chiding you softly.

“Someone’s impatient,” he murmured. “Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to be able to do this to you?” He asked. His hand pulled away from your dripping cunt and he lightly smacked your inner thigh. “Open.”

You immediately spread your legs more for Jihoon.

“There you are,” he said, smiling even larger than before. “You’re so obedient. You always act like such a brat but when it comes down to it you like this don’t you?”

You whimpered as Jihoon’s fingers returned to your slit, going back to teasing you just as he had been before. Your core was burning with the want for Jihoon’s fingers to begin to fuck you to the point where it was almost uncomfortable. You felt your hand twisting around in Jihoon’s grasp so that you could wrap your fingers around his wrist and squeeze. You really didn’t have much patience at all.

“You want to touch yourself?” Jihoon asked. You screwed your eyes shut, shaking your head roughly. Jihoon hummed. “What do you want?”

You hated being teased. (At least, that’s what you kept repeating in your head as your body burned.)

“Your fingers,” you murmured back. You felt your eyebrows furrow and your lips drew together in a pout. Jihoon laughed at the expression.

“Can I get a please?” He teased. You groaned.

“When did our roles switch?” You asked. Jihoon’s fingers slipped between your folds, prodding at your entrance. “Okay, okay. Please Jihoon please.”

He snickered.

“You’re so good when you want to be.”

He pressed his finger inside of you, making the movement as slow and tantalizing as possible. It pulled a whine out of your mouth and your fingers curled against his chest.

“Jihoon you’re a fucking tea-”

Before you could finish Jihoon began to work his finger in and out of you. It wasn’t as slow as it had been a moment before but it certainly wasn’t fast either. Teasing he was still fucking teasing you.

You leaned forward, trying to capture Jihoon’s lips with yours. You wanted friction so badly. Wanted more than just one of his stupid fingers sliding in and out of you. Soft moans- correction whines tumbled from your lips as Jihoon pulled away from you, keeping his distance.

“You’re being annoying,” you bit out, hoping it sounded intimidating. You just sounded pathetic. “You know I want more than this. Least you could do is let me kiss you.”

Jihoon looked up at you, lips barely quirked up.

“You know where we’re going,” he murmured. “Why do you want to rush it so badly?”

You let your pout become more apparent and you were rewarded with a second finger being pressed into you. Your head dropped to Jihoon’s shoulder.

“Jihoon, fuck,” you mumbled. “Can’t I... Just a little... Touch you?”

“Touch me?” Jihoon asked. “You usually just do what you want, what’s stopping you now?”

“What do you think is stopping me?” you blurted. He hummed and pressed a third finger into you.

“You’re being good,” he crooned. “You’ll get rewarded for being good.”

“And that’s what’s stopping me,” you murmured back. You leaned forward again trying to kiss him, but he was still holding you back. “Jihoon-”

“Beg me for it,” Jihoon mumbled. He pressed his three fingers deep into you, making a whimper leave your lips.

“Jihoon,” you whined, actually completely intent on arguing with him, instead you said: “Please. Please let me kiss you. It’s the least you can do. Won’t let me touch you and you won’t give me more, at least let me kiss you.”

“It all comes in time,” Jihoon assured. “But since you asked so nicely-”

He leaned forward, dragging you into another kiss. You greedily pressed into it, enjoying every second of this kiss. You wrapped your fingers around Jihoon’s biceps squeezing as you pressed closer to him. Jihoon began to scissor his fingers in and out of you. You moaned against his lips.

“Jihoon please,” you mumbled. “Let me touch you. Just a little bit. I’ve been good yeah? I don’t beg like this for everyone, please.”

Jihoon nodded and you eagerly reached forward, your fingers wrapping around his dick. You ran your fingers slowly up his girth, coming to his tip. Your thumbed at his slit, enjoying the little moans that tumbled from his lips. You ran your fingers back down to his base, cupping his balls briefly.

“You’re so good,” Jihoon mumbled. Your lips quirked up. You raised your hand back to your mouth and spit into it briefly. You lowered your hand back down to Jihoon’s dick, rubbing your spit across his length.

You felt his cock twitch in your hand.

“I want,” was all you mumbled, and it was all you had to say.

“Want to show me how badly?” He asked. He pulled his fingers from you, slipping them into his mouth and sucking your wetness off of his fingers. You resisted the urge to whine again (you felt pathetic) and dropped to your knees. You wrapped your fingers around his thighs and your tongue flickered over the tip of his cock.

“You trying to get revenge?” Jihoon asked. Your face burned.

“No,” you murmured.

Yes.

You sucked the tip of Jihoon’s tip past your lips, hollowing your cheeks as you worked his cock into your mouth. Your eyes flickered up to Jihoon’s, an action you immediately regretted as his gaze on you was so intense it sent heat shooting straight through you to your core.

You lowered your eyes to his torso and sucked more of his cock into your mouth, working it as far into your mouth as you could. Jihoon didn’t have the biggest cock in the world or anything but his cock was bigger than any you had seen. Longer and thicker and it made your face burn at the thought that this was going to be inside of you soon.

You pushed his cock a little further into your mouth, only to feel yourself start to choke around it. You pulled off of his cock, trying to catch your composure. As you did so, Jihoon’s hand raised to your head.

“You good?” He asked, his voice laced with amusement. You shot him a glare.

“Shut up,” you murmured. You sucked his cock back into your mouth, and this time instead of focusing on deep throating him, you just worked what you could easily work in and out of your mouth. Jihoon’s fingers ran distractingly through your hair as you sucked him off, his lips parted as low moans tumbled from his mouth.

Each moan that left his mouth just sent warmth coursing through you, feeling yourself burn so much again it was making you uncomfortable. You mewled around his cock and lowered one of your hands down to your pussy, pushing two fingers comfortably into yourself.

“Poor thing,” Jihoon cooed. “You’re that desperate to get fucked?”

You popped off of Jihoon’s cock.

“Well, you’re not fucking me, so someone has to.”

Jihoon’s eyebrows rose in surprise, but a smile quickly crossed his face.

“Get up,” he mumbled.

“What if I don’t?” You challenged. “My fingers feel just fine.”

“Don’t be afraid to tell me if I’m too rough,” Jihoon warned. You opened your mouth again to argue with him (him being in charge was bringing back the part of you that always felt the need to argue with him) but before you could Jihoon’s fingers tightened in the strands of your hair and he pulled you to your feet.

Your mouth dropped in surprise as Jihoon pressed you into the wall, one of his hands capturing your wrists behind your back. You felt his cock brush your soaking cunt. You swallowed hard, trying not to push back against him. You wanted his cock in you so badly.

“You okay?” He asked. Your face burned in embarrassment.

“Just fuck me.”

Jihoon’s hands left your hair just long enough to guide his cock into your pussy. He was slow at first, just easing his cock into you. You felt a long whine leaving your lips as he pushed into you. You fingers flexed with the urge to grab onto something, but them being restrained prevented you from being able to do that. Which just made you desperate and impatient for more.

“Please, please, please,” you begged incoherently. “You’re going too slow.”

“You really are so impatient,” Jihoon chided. “I have to make sure I don’t hurt you.”

Jihoon pushed until he had bottomed out inside of you and then he slowly pulled himself out again. His pace was agonizing, but it felt so good regardless. You pushed back against Jihoon.

“You’re not going to hurt me,” you whined. “Faster, please.”

“Jeonghan was right you really do like to beg,” Jihoon commented off-handedly. Your eyebrows rose in surprise, and you glanced back at him.

“Why were you talking to Jeonghan about-”

Before you could finish Jihoon sharply thrusted into you. You cried out, immediately turning your head back to the wall. Your forehead pressed against it as you tried to catch your breath.

“Fuck, Ji-”

Jihoon pulled out and sharply pulled you back on his cock again by your captured hands, making you bounce against his body. You felt your knees buckle a little and you struggled to keep yourself standing.

Jihoon seemed to sense that and reached a hand around your body, placing his hand just under your breasts, holding you in place. He pushed deep inside of you again and began to set his pace. Now that your hands were free you pressed your hands against the wall, trying to keep yourself supported.

“Jihoon,” you blurted. “I can barely-”

“Barely what?” Jihoon asked teasingly. “Barely handle it? Barely stay up?”

You whined in frustration, so Jihoon just hooked his arm around your body, pulling you up, flush against his chest.

“I’m starting to understand why you used to like to tease me so much.”

He pressed his lips briefly to yours.

“You’re so much fun to make squeal.”

As if to prove his point, Jihoon sharply thrusted up into you, making your whole body shake at the impact.

You weren’t even able to put coherent words together as Jihoon began to fuck up into you, his balls slapping against your pussy as he slammed into you. You cried out with each thrust, the longer he thrust into you, the more that you stopped thinking about how embarrassing it was to be naked against him. All you could think about was his dick, and-

“Jihoon kiss me,” you whined pathetically, turning your head so that Jihoon could see your face.

“Oh, you’re so desperate, aren’t you?” Jihoon asked. “But you’ve been so good, you deserve to get what you ask for.”

He leaned forward and caught your lips with his, but the kiss was rougher than it normally was. You couldn’t help the way you panted against his mouth, pressing back against him as if it would make him push deeper into you.

“Jihoon, Jihoon,” you mumbled against his lips. “Need you to cum, please? I’m gonna cum, we gotta cum.”

“Yeah?” Jihoon asked. ”Where do you want me to cum?”

This was the part where you were supposed to turn red, and stammer and dance around what you really wanted.

“Cum inside of me, please, and then keep fucking me. And fuck it into me and just fuck me until I can’t cum anymore and-”

You didn’t have to say more, because as you spoke Jihoon began to spill his warm cum inside of you- You following suit- while your name fell from his lips in a guttural moan. And Jihoon didn’t stop there. As soon as you were finally coming down from your orgasm, he slipped his cock out of you and pulled you over to his desk before bending you over it and sliding back into you.

He fucked you again there until, once again, you were cumming all over his cock and then he dragged you to his couch and fucked you until you were both cumming all over again.

When his cock finally stilled inside of you, you felt like you were going to pass out you were so exhausted.

“That...” You trailed off, your words lost in pants. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah,” Jihoon breathed. He pressed a chaste kiss to your neck.

“You were amazing,” he mumbled. “But, uh, what does it mean when two people fake dating have sex?”

The reminder of what you two actually were to each other made you swallow thickly.

“Uh,” you weren’t sure what to say. “We could be real.”

You felt Jihoon shift against you.

“Real?”

You nodded.

“Really dating.”

You glanced back at him, face red from both the sex and what you were saying.

“That’s what I want.”

A ghost of a smile crossed Jihoon’s lips.

“I want that,” he agreed softly.

Jihoon had insisted you stay in his studio longer but after cleaning up and letting him hold you on the couch for a while you told him that you needed to go. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to stay with him, but you had to be up early, and you knew that you shouldn’t stay too late.

You tidied yourself up a little bit before you left. You combed your fingers through your hair and tried to straighten out your somewhat wrinkled clothes but as soon as you bumped into Jeonghan as you were leaving Jihoon’s studio you knew you were fucked. (Well, in a different way than before.)

Jeonghan raised his hands and began to clap slowly for you as you walked down the hallway towards him.

“Look at you,” he said. “Who knew you had it in you?”

You raised one of your hands to your face, hiding behind it.

“Shut up Jeonghan,” you murmured.

“I’m just surprised is all,” Jeonghan said. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close to his body. “I didn’t think you had it in you to confess to Jihoon. Much less fuck him all at the same time.”

You dropped your hand from your face and immediately regretted it when you saw the way Jeonghan was looking at you. That stupid shit-eating grin spread across his lips.

“Did he find out how much of a bottom you are?”

Sometimes you regretted how much you told Jeonghan about yourself. He always found a way to use that information against you.

“What are you doing around here anyways?” You asked, hoping Jeonghan would accept the subject change.

“I actually came to check on you.”

You were lucky.

“Check on me?” You asked, surprise crossing your face. “Why would you do that?”

“Your solo debut and group comeback is in two weeks,” Jeonghan replied. “It’s about time for you to hole yourself up in the dance practice room and completely disappear from the people who care about you.”

You snorted, but even as you did you noted that he was right. The pressure of two promotions in one promotional period had been building up on you. Being with Jihoon tonight had been partly a distraction from how stressed you were beginning to be.

“You worry too much,” you disregarded. “You’re really telling me that you don’t like the break from me?”

Jeonghan snickered.

“Don’t tease me with a good time,” he said teasingly. Then, a more serious expression crossed his face. “But seriously. You’re going to push yourself too hard.”

“I’m not going to push myself too hard,” you said, but you knew that it was a lie, and Jeonghan did too.

“I’ll tell Jihoon,” Jeonghan threatened.

“What’s he going to do?” You asked with a scoff.

“Well, if your hair is any evidence of how well you listen to him-”

You shoved Jeonghan into the wall, making him laugh.

“Seriously, if you need a friend. You’ve got me, okay?”

You nodded.

“I know Jeonghan.”

And thus, you shot into the next era of your life. Soon Kwonyoung, you and the dance room.

The hours you spent training before debut didn’t amount to this. You barely ate, you slept three hours a night and you practiced. Songs on repeat, over and over again, burning the choreography and lyrics into your brain so that there was no error for mistakes.

“You scare me when you’re like this,” Soonyoung said with a shake of his head. “You’re clocking hours in the dance room I’ve never seen before.”

“Just don’t tell Jihoon.”

You laughed when you said it, but you weren’t joking in the slightest. You were going miles to try and make it seem like you weren’t driving yourself too hard.

You pretended like you were going to bed early, and you showered before practices with him so that he didn’t know you had been at it all day and you had threatened multiple people not to rat you out, but sometimes even the most effort wasn’t enough.

“I’m off to bed,” you said, finally standing up from where you had been stretching on the floor.

“Yeah? Me too,” Jihoon replied. “I know we’ve never done this before but maybe you can stay the night with me? It’d be nice to be close to you.”

Your heart skipped a beat in your chest at the suggestion but the gnawing reminder that you needed to practice didn’t even let you entertain it.

“Oh, I promised the girls I would make them breakfast in the morning,” you replied. “Maybe another night? After the promotional period.”

Jihoon hummed.

“Or I could stay at your place, then you could make breakfast and we could have a sleep over.”

Fuck.

“My room is so dirty right now,” you lied. “I would hate to have you in there you can barely walk in it.”

Jihoon stared at you his expression serious and unamused. You sighed.

“Who told on me?” You asked finally.

“Who didn’t?” Jihoon replied. “Your group, Soonyoung, Jeonghan.”

He shook his head.

“Word on the street is that I’m the world’s worst boyfriend.”

You pouted.

“That’s not fair.”

“Well?” Jihoon pressed. “We start promoting in two days now and you haven’t slept more than five hours in two weeks.”

You knew that Jihoon was being highly hypocritical. He spent days straight in the studio when he was really focused on working. You knew that somedays he hardly slept, and his life revolved around his work. You opened your mouth to tell him just that- That he was a hypocrite that he did this all the time, but your words died on your lips.

“You know, you really changed Jihoon.”

You glanced over at Soonyoung, eyebrows furrowing.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s cut down a lot on those behaviors that made him... Jihoon.”

“That sounds bad,” you said bluntly. Soonyoung’s eyes widened.

“No, no it’s the bad behaviors. Never sleeping, staying up in the studio all the time. It’s like he’s that Jihoon we knew from pre-debut all over again. He knocked on my front door and invited me to eat noodles together last night before he went to bed. At 8!”

You stared at Soonyoung.

“That’s not thanks to me,” you replied. “All I’m doing is dating him.”

“Yeah, but it started because you cared enough to make him go home that day. Ever since it’s like he’s been thinking about how him not taking care of himself effects the people he cares about.”

Soonyoung glanced around the room as if someone might overhear him.

“He apologized to Mingyu for blowing him off so much recently.”

Soonyoung shook his head in disbelief.

“He really loves you y/n. He’s willing to do better for you.”

You really hated it when other people were actually good to you. It was so much easier when you didn’t have a standard to meet.

“Okay,” you relented. Jihoon’s eyebrows raised.

“Okay?” Jihoon asked.

“Okay, I’ll stop freaking out over this comeback debut thing,” you replied, your frustration becoming evident as you spoke. Jihoon’s hands raised, seeming to recognize that this was the sort of tone that usually led you two into an argument.

“I’m not saying that you’re freaking out,” he said softly. “I just want you to take a nap.”

His eyes trailed away from you for a second.

“Or just sleep in general. Eight hours.”

“I’m not trying to disregard my health and block everyone out-”

“Well, you’re not really blocking out Soonyoung-”

“I’m just stressed,” you admitted. “And I don’t really know how to deal with stress... So, I just push myself so hard that I don’t have to deal with stress.”

Jihoon nodded knowingly, which made the frustration that was budding in your throat cull just a little bit. The only reason that you were able to even tell him this was because you knew that Jihoon was the same in this regard.

You felt like everyone at Pledis knew that when Jihoon didn’t know how to deal with his emotions, he dug himself into his work. Maybe that was one of the reasons you had hated him so much before. In ways, you saw yourself in him.

“But I really like you,” you mumbled, and again that pressure made you want to pull the words right from your mouth. “So, I’ll do this for you.”

You wondered for a moment if Jihoon realized how much you really hated to say this. It was weird, just how much the frustration was crawling inside of you. Why did this make you so uncomfortable? Wasn’t this the sort of thing that you had always been wanting from a relationship? Someone who pushed you to be a better person.

What about being vulnerable was making it so hard to breath?

Jihoon cleared his throat, dragging your attention right back to him. He gave you half a smile.

“Stay with me tonight?” He asked. “Maybe being with someone will help you a bit.”

You nodded.

“Yeah,” you agreed. “I think it will.”

“Are you nervous?” Ai asked. You glanced over at her, noticing that she was messing with a stray ribbon on her outfit. You smiled softly at her and took the ribbon in your hands, securing it on her outfit.

“Of course, I’m nervous,” you assured. “But we’ve practiced like crazy, we’re going to do amazing.”

“I still don’t know how you’re going to do it,” Ai said, shaking her head. “Two promotions? That’s crazy.”

“It’s not crazy, it’s like a concert with three songs back-to-back and two costume changes,” you said, brushing off the comment. “It’s going to be fine. It’s going to be fun.”

“But-”

Before Ai could say more a hand found its way to your waist, you turned around, smiling at Jihoon who had a concerned expression spread over his face.

“Hey, you go on soon,” he said softly. You smiled gummily at him.

“And we go on soon after,” you reminded him. As you were looking at him, you noticed that whatever they had put on his lips smudged a little. You reached up and swiped it away with your thumb.

“You’re nervous,” Jihoon mumbled. You shrugged off-handedly at the comment.

“I’m sure you are too. But our song is doing really well. I told you it would be better if we worked together on it.”

Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“I only didn’t want to because we could barely interact with each other without arguing.”

You decided to ignore him. Instead, you just stared at him. He looked so good in his stage makeup. You thought eyeliner was an underrated look on him.

You wanted to kiss him so bad but you knew it would ruin your lipstick and his and your stylists would be mad. Besides…

“Places in five,” one of the stagehands said, placing their hand on your shoulder. They looked between you and Jihoon, shaking their head in disbelief at the two of you. “Idols openly dating…”

And then the stagehand was gone. You looked at Jihoon, rolling your eyes in reaction.

“I’ll see you soon,” you said. He nodded.

“Good luck.”

The thing about your dances was energy. The reason you had spent so much time in the studio running both dances wasn’t necessarily to make sure that you did the dance right, though that was part of it. You did them so much so that you would have the stamina to do both with full energy without dying.

Your comeback with your group was called Shimmer. It was poppy and lighthearted. It required the complicated choreography to seem effortless, and it required constant stage presence.

You had always been good at that stuff, but only because you had practiced it so much.

At the end of your performance of Shimmer you were barely winded and getting into costume and new makeup for your next performance only took fifteen minutes.

As you and Jihoon took your places on stage, Jihoon’s hand slid onto the small of your back.

“Ready?” He asked.

“Ready.”

Your song with Jihoon was darker, and less pop teen artist then your other song. It fit your age a lot better, but the steps were just as complicated as Shimmer and the partner work was just that much harder.

But when you and Jihoon ended the dance, inches from each other’s face, a huge smile spread of your lips. You waited a few seconds but before too long had passed you were jumping forward, wrapping your arms around Jihoon’s neck and dragging him into a deep, celebratory kiss.

“To one successful stage! Leading to many others!” Chae said. The four of you cheered in agreement, clinking your shot glasses together. You all took a shot at the same time, the soju spreading warmth through your chest.

You didn’t drink a lot, but when it was for something like this? You knew you had to. You wouldn’t be able to get drunk with your best friends in the world forever.

“You know, you did so well with your stage with Jihoon it was like you hadn’t just performed full energy with us.”

You waved a hand in the air.

“It was easy when I have four of the best dance partners in the world.”

The conversation of the evening quickly turned from talk of the stages that you had just performed, to talk of the stages that you would perform, to petty arguments about dumb movies you had all watched together before.

It was nice to let loose with them. Even with your movie nights it felt like your life with the girls primarily revolved around work. You hardly got time off as idols. It was nice to kick back and relax.

As Ai and Chae were going back and forth about a character that Ai had loved and Chae hated, Nari’s phone went off and she looked down at it. Her smile faded as she stared at the screen.

“Nari, what’s wrong?” You asked. She stared at her phone for another few seconds, garnering Ai and Chae’s attention. All three of you waited patiently for Nari to respond. Finally, she looked up, her eyes wide and trained on yours.

“You and Jihoon are faking your relationship?”

It was like time stopped. Your eyebrows furrowed, and you stood up, trying to lean over the table to see Nari’s phone, but she hid it from you. You felt your heart beating faster in your chest. Had Jeonghan texted her? That was the only thing you could think right now, but that didn’t make any sense. Why would Jeonghan text her something like that? There was no reason to expose you and Jihoon.

“How do you know that?” You asked. Ai’s eyes widened at that.

“Wait, you are?” She blurted. You raised your hand in the air.

“What? No!” You blurted. You felt that familiar feeling of frustration crawling up your throat. “Well, we were, but we aren’t anymore.”

The others in your group just stared at you.

“It’s complicated.”

“Why would you lie to us about that?” Ai asked, and the look on her face broke your heart.

“It wasn’t my choice,” you said softly. You looked around at your friends, noticing they were all looking at you with matching expressions of hurt. “Really! You were the last people I wanted to lie to. I love you guys! You were the first ones that I wanted to tell.”

They all looked away from you, making your frustration claw at your throat even more.

“Guys, seriously. It killed me to not tell you,” you insisted. “Sungsoo didn’t let us tell anyone, the only reason Jeonghan knew-”

“Jeonghan, knew?” Nari blurted.

“Jeonghan didn’t tell you?” You blurted back. Suddenly, a feeling other then frustration of your friends not understanding why you lied to them was filling the pit of your stomach. “Nari, how did you find out?”

“How could you tell Jeonghan?” Chae asked, her voice low.

“Sungsoo!” You exclaimed. “Sungsoo, said that we couldn’t tell anyone because if the truth got out it would ruin our careers.”

“But you hated Jihoon,” Chae pointed out. “Why did you care?”

“I don’t know! I just did. Wouldn’t you care?”

They were all silent.

“Guys, seriously, I’m really sorry. It killed me to lie to you. I wanted you all to know the truth so badly, but I really need to know how you found out that our relationship was fake.”

You directed your attention to Nari again. Her facial expression was softer.

“You really wanted to tell us?” She asked. You nodded.

“Of course I did. You were the first ones I wanted to tell,” you assured. “I love you. All of you.”

It was probably just the alcohol, but suddenly Ai blurted out: “We love you too.” Tears streaming down her face. You breathed out in relief, as the three girls got up, dragging you into a hug. It made you feel better, but only a little bit.

“Nari, I really hate to interrupt this moment, but seriously this could ruin Jihoon’s career. Please tell me that you won’t tell anyone.”

“I mean, I won’t say anything,” Nari replied innocently. “But by tomorrow just about everyone will know.”

She raised her phone into the air.

“There’s an article about it.”

“I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to bring you guys here for this,” Sungsoo said with a heavy sigh. “The truth is out. The article was posted.”

You glanced at Jihoon, but he wasn’t looking at you. His attention was on a small spot on the floor. You wanted to get him to look at you but neither of you had told Sungsoo that you two were actually dating now and it seemed like Jihoon was trying to make it seem as if nothing had changed.

“There’s got to be something we can do-”

“There is,” Sungsoo agreed. “We’ll have to pause your debut promotions. Jihoon, your activities with Seventeen are going to be paused while the company tries to figure out what to do.”

“What?” You blurted. “There’s nothing to figure out! You know that Jihoon doesn’t deserve to be paused.”

“You knew the consequences if this article got out,“ Sungsoo replied, sharpening his gaze towards you. “I’ll be honest Jihoon. Seventeen might become a twelve member group.”

“What?”

You shot up to your feet, knocking your chair onto the floor. Sungsoo closed his eyes in frustration.

“My hands are tied here.”

“No they aren’t!” You glanced at Jihoon, letting your frustration spill out of your mouth with your words. “You don’t have to do that. You can’t do that.”

You looked to Sungsoo and then back to Jihoon.

“Jihoon! Say something- Anything. You can’t just let this happen!” You insisted. Jihoon’s eyes finally rose to yours, a smile crossing his lips.

“You know what I’ve always found endearing?” He asked you, his voice small. “You find it so hard to keep your emotions in check when they’re too intense.”

He stood up, taking your hand in his.

“It’s okay. It’s over.”

“No-” You said. “No. You can’t just give up! Where’s Seungcheol? Someone get me Seungcheol.”

Jihoon squeezed your hand.

“And you’re so stubborn. It’s over. We don’t need to do this anymore.”

Jihoon dropped your hand and you felt your heart drop.

“What?” You asked. He looked away from you.

“I mean, there’s no need to fake anymore right?” He asked. “So we should... Take a break.”

You didn’t get hurt a lot, but this was something completely different then you had expected. You had spent so much time fretting over what kind of things would happen if things got out but you had never imagined that Jihoon would break up with you over it.

“Hey-”

“Thanks for trying,” Jihoon said. He turned away from you and Sungsoo. “See you.”

And before you could say more, he was gone.

You stood there, wordless, staring at the door that Jihoon had just left out of. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.

You turned back to Sungsoo.

“It seems like you need a second to process,” Sungsoo said. “Your promotions won’t be paused. Your career is fine.”

“I’ll be back,” you said, your voice sharp. “With Seungcheol. And we’ll talk again.”

You placed your hand on the doorknob.

“Don’t go anywhere.”

“Seungcheol!”

You ran down the hallway of Pledis’ dorm rooms, staring at the numbers as you strained to remember which door was Seventeen’s leader.

“Seungcheol.”

You skidded to a stop in front of the one you thought was his. You slammed your palms against the door frantically.

“Seungcheol, Seungcheol, Seung-”

The door pulled open and you came face to face with shaggy brown hair and a tired looking boy. His eyebrows furrowed.

“Hey, what are you-?”

You brushed past him into his room, feeling relieved when you realized that Seungcheol wasn’t alone.

“Jeonghan, thank god.”

“Sure just come in,” Seungcheol breathed. “I’m sure Jihoon won’t mind that his significant other just barged into my room.”

“It’s important,” you replied.

You frantically pulled out your phone, shoving the phone article into Jeonghan’s face.

“The article got out and it’s worse then it was before.”

“Shit,” Jeonghan said, taking your phone from your hand. Seungcheol’s eyebrows furrowed.

“What article?”

“Jihoon and I were pretending to date because I hated him so much that it was going to ruin Jihoon’s career. But then we actually fell in love- Well I fell in love, and now he wants to take a break and-” You sucked in a breath. “Sorry, the break isn’t important. He’s being suspended from Seventeen. Sungsoo said he’s probably going to be taken out of the group completely.”

“What?” Jeonghan and Seungcheol blurted.

You nodded.

“Sorry, I was focusing on the wrong thing,” you mumbled.

“Sungsoo is taking Jihoon out of Seventeen?” Seungcheol repeated. “But he’s one of our leaders- He writes our music-“

“Despite the whole hate thing being my fault, the article that got released is slamming Jihoon’s career not mine.”

“Look, y/n, the solution to all of this is simple,” Jeonghan said, ignoring your partially distracted line of thought.

Now it was your turn to look confused.

“It is?”

“We have to stay on top of things. You need to do something now.”

Jeonghan looked at Seungcheol.

“Doesn’t Mina have a talk show she’s hosting tonight?”

Seungcheol nodded.

“We need y/n on that show.”

“What’s me being on a talk show going to do?” You asked.

“Just tell the truth!” Jeonghan insisted. “Admit it was fake, tell them it’s not now, tell them what you learned. That Jihoon is a great guy.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t stop Sungsoo from kicking him out of the group.”

“That’s what you were coming to me right?” Seungcheol asked. He looked confused… rightfully so, but he also looked determined. “I’ll talk to Sungsoo.”

He raised his phone.

“I’ll call Mina and get you on that show.”

You nodded.

“Okay, okay I should talk to Jihoon,” you mumbled. “Tell him what’s happening.”

You paused, mulling over what you had just said. For a moment, you stared at Jeonghan and Seungcheol. Jeonghan, who had an expression of pure pity written on his face.

There was something to be said about Jeonghan. When it came to you he wasn’t always good at hiding his emotions. Maybe it was something that you two had fed into each other.

Two people great at hiding their emotions, awful doing it to one another. Something that had fed into your relationship with Jihoon. You chewed uncertainly on your bottom lip.

“A break means I don’t need to tell him everything... Doesn’t it?”

You were used to Jeonghan telling you bluntly that you were an idiot when it came to relationship things. He had been so relentless when teasing you about everything with Jihoon.

“You should focus on clearing his name, I think.”

Seeing him tell you something like that so seriously made your heart stop.

“Yeah.”

You glanced at Seungcheol, wondering what he could possibly think of you now that he knew that your screwed up actions were the reason that Seventeen might become a twelve-member group.

You looked away, pressing your eyes tightly shut.

That was a can of worms to open another day. Now, what you needed to focus on was clearing Jihoon’s name.

You had an interview to get to.

“So, you know why you’re here, I know why you’re here. Does your company?”

You laughed along with Mina, but your heart was not on the same track as you. It was still beating out of your chest. You thought for sure that Mina could hear it but she just smiled at you.

“So you and Jihoon? Hate his guts, forced to date. Tell me what that was like.”

“Honestly?” You said. Mina nodded.

“Honestly.”

You could barely hear her over your heart. And it was hot. Why were these studio lights so hot? It was like they were burning your skin.

“I hated it,” you breathed. “Oh my god, can you imagine? You spend years hating everything about this guy. His attitude, the way he talked to you, the way he talked to others, how he spends all his time locked up in his studio neglecting his friends.”

You interrupted yourself to blow air out of your mouth briskly.

“To start I just... We couldn’t stop arguing. I kept picking fights with him. Actually, I always picked fights with him. He just walked in a room and I would find a reason to fight with him.”

“You?” Mina asked, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “You would pick fights?”

“All the time. Jihoon would do absolutely nothing just... Breath and I would find a reason to yell at him about something stupid. I was so unreasonable.”

You shook your head.

“No one really thinks I would be like that. But I was, for so long I was just so unreasonable towards him.”

“Yeah but... I mean we’ve all read the article. He deserved it. He must have and you had to fake date him over it!”

“I used to think that he deserved it too,” you said. “I used to think I was this poor tortured person who had to date someone who was absolutely terrible.”

You looked up at Mina.

“You know what the worst part about pretending to date someone is?”

Mina leaned in like you were going to impart on her some huge secret.

“What?” She asked.

“You get to know them,” you replied, with a slow nod. “Fake dating Jihoon was hard but only because I began to realize that I hated him for no reason at all.”

Mina scoffed.

“No reason?”

“None Mina. Jihoon is kind, and thoughtful. The sort of person who looks out for those he cares about. He’s soft-spoken with people he doesn’t know, but he is always looking out for the other trainees.

He’s dedicated to his work. To a fault really. He is so obsessed with being good, showing everyone that he deserves the position he has worked so hard for. I used to think he was cold, but seeing the side of him that I got lucky enough to be shown I know that I was wrong.

I didn’t deserve to get to know him.”

You shrugged, looking down at your hands.

“I was horrible to him. I yelled at him, accused him of awful things. He had a crush on me. I turned someone who had a crush on me against me for no reason at all.”

You looked back up at Mina, giving her a pressed smile.

“I know that article seems incriminating, and Jihoon is easy to hate, but know that he is really easy to...” You trailed off. You missed him. “Jihoon is really easy to love. Take it from someone who used to hate him because I didn’t know him. He is the best person I have ever met in my life, and I love him so much.”

Your trip back to your dorm was lonely. It was cold, and it was wet, and it was lonely.

So when you turned down your hall to your dorm and you saw a familiar figure leaning against the door to your dorm, you felt like you could cry.

Your arms fell limply to your sides, a pout spreading over your face. You stared at Jihoon from across the hall.

“Breaks are stupid,” you whined. Jihoon’s head popped up, and his eyes met yours. A small smile crossing his lips.

“We’ve been on a break for...” He trailed off and glanced at his watch. “Not even twelve hours.”

“And it’s stupid,” you replied. “Really stupid.”

You didn’t wait for Jihoon to give you permission, or to say anything more. You rushed across the hall and threw yourself against him, pressing your face into his chest.

“Stupid,” you mumbled into his chest. He laughed, wrapping his arms around you.

“Hey... Thanks for going on that show,” he said. You nodded.

“Yeah. It’s the least I could do.”

Jihoon was silent again for a while.

“Did you mean what you said on the show?” He asked. You looked up at him from his chest.

“Of course, I did,” you said. You thought back to what you said and suddenly warmth began to spread to your cheeks. You felt like you were burning against Jihoon. Had you really said all those stupid things? “Don’t be dumb Jihoon. Of course I meant every word.”

Jihoon scoffed.

“You always going to be like this?” He asked. “Resort to insulting me whenever you get embarrassed.”

Your face burned and you hid it into Jihoon’s chest.

“Yeah.”

“Good,” he mumbled. “Let’s get you to bed, okay?”

You nodded, and looked up and just as you did, Jihoon pressed his lips to yours, dragging you into a brief kiss.

“I love you too.”

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