#which luckily worked for neil too

[your-nanas-house]

Be quick

(Credits to the owner @corodedcofin)

◇ Pairing: Perv Stepbrother!Neil Lewis X stepsister!Reader

◇ Warnings: smut, pervy Neil, hanjob, dub-con but not really, indifference, age gap (both off age), shitty writing, curses

◇ Summary: Neil receiving a handjob on the sofa while his stepsister looks at her phone.

◇ Note: Sorry for the mistakes and the English. Been working on this things since weeks now... it's shit and I'm sorry. 🤷🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️

A small snort left Neil's lips, he was getting bored for the first time while watching one of the movies he usually liked to watch.

It had been a while since he broke up with Violet and he missed a bit... that thrill mixed with adrenaline. He certainly wasn't the Neil he once was, not even in the way he wished— especially when he thought at his step sister.

The young woman had been such a little tease lately.

The possibilities that she was it while Neil was in the relationship were pretty high but he was always too busy to actually notice and let his body react to it.... every day. Because it kept happening every single day since his eyes took her in, waking up his cock at the mere view of bit of skin.

He blamed it mostly on the lack of sex in his life and the urge of fisting his lenght to make time and stress go away.

Y/n, his mother's new boyfriend's daughter... aka his step-sister, was being a bother even though she was just sitting right besides him, her eyes locked on the phone rather than the TV.

His baby blue eyes couldn't stop wandering around her body, taking peeks at her cleavage and her short shorts she was wearing at home— and he was doing it again. Luckily they were all alone that day, no-one was around, so.... he could finally get what he craved so much.

The only issue that was stopping him from doing anything was the poor plan he had in mind... how could he start it all? he wondered silently.

A short mental battle and Neil shifted slightly closer, his face turned still towards the TV to pretend that he was watching the movie playing on it, as he spread slightly his thigh to brush it against Y/n's bare a couple of time to see if he received any reaction from her.

Receiving none he continued with the plan, taking her hand and placed it down on his lap casually, sending finally the message that he was trying to give her without murmuring it explicitly— he was so aroused, nearly thrilled... thrilled enough to twitch at the mere warmth of her hand.

Y/n not really, she was still cursing mentally for that drunk bet she had with him and her lost which causing her to fall in that absurd situation.

'That fucking perv' she thought while starting finally to move her hand, feeling his hard cock, pressing against his pajamas pants, with her little finger.

Her hand limited to only rub his thigh for the moment as she waited for him to lower his pants and free his lenght— her eyes never leaving the screen of her phone.

Neil glanced at her, his breath peaking up as he bit his bottom lip in anticipation too earger to actually move... just wanting her soft groomed hand to wrap around his thick long cock and lead the way to heaven.

She didn't even needed to glance in his direction to see what to do since her stepbrother's hand moved her own to wrap it around his leaking cock, allowing that way her eyes to stay glued to the screen.

His cock was hard, his skin soft and plesant to touch while his tip was of an angry red... as it let some pre-cum drip on her fingers as soon as she moved his foreskin.

"Oh fuck" Neil curses, biting harder his bottom lip as he watched her move her hand lazily, his hips jerking desperately up to meet her movements. The young girl had been able to give it just a couple of slow pumps before the older man wrapped his own big hand around her smaller one... so to guide her better and not allow her to tease him further.

His fingers intertwined with hers, his thumb caressed the back of her hand before he moved it off his cock, so that he could lean closer and spit on it as a lubricant to ease the handjob.

"Neil! You're fucking disgusting" Y/n cursed at his action, making a face at the odd feeling of his spit on the inside of her hand. He really was so gross sometimes.

"Fuck, say my name again" he breathed out overwhelmed by the situation, his hand guiding hers back around his lenght "Remember, squee—" he started, cursing softly as she interrupted him with her movements.

"Yes, yes... I know how you like it, now shut up" Y/n murmured, scrolling her phone while working his cock... her hand squeezing it teasingly while his rough action kept pleasuring him, her hand hitting his bases before moving fast back up to the tip... up and down, up.. and down.

His balls where already reacting, getting pulled up by the muscles as his breath got heavier, pathetic whines leaving his mouth.

"Don't stop, don't stop, fuck, Y/n!" Neil nearly cried, arching his back while fucking her hand faster, working on his balls with his own hand to reach faster his peak.

"Fucking hell, how much longer do you need?" Y/n's voice exclaimed making him shiver and whine while her other hand, which was previously holding her phone, slapped his hands away so that she could jerk him off faster and better... already without patience.

"Fucking pathetic" the younger woman murmured, cursing when his warm seed got shot... not only dirtying her hands but her face and top as well due to the bend over position she had been in.

"Neil!—"

[theonewiththefanfics]

Dare to Hope, Dare to Dream (Part 2/?)

Synopsys: For three years now, Astarion and his love have been relegated to living in the shadows as he lost his ability to walk in the sun. But one day hope is reignited, and the vampire can't help but reminisce how he got where he is now.

Pairing: Astarion x fem!Reader

Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

Warnings: violence, abuse, talks of SA, character death, SMUT (if there is anything else that should be tagged, please do let me know)

Word count: 5830

A/N: I have not played Baldur's Gate 3 (I don't own a PS or a PC where to play it. all of this is based on the info gathered online and through Neil's own gameplay etc. Please be kind :) )

Part 1

The composing of the letter was quick work, as excitement thrummed through their veins, but every passing day diminished the accumulating hope.

It was agonising, waiting for Gale to respond. Where usually Astarion’s mind was preoccupied with Y/N, now it was occupied by that damned tome and that damned fucking page he couldn’t read.

There was a huge possibility it could be nothing but a simple song or a poem. It could be a curse for all he knew, but something in his still heart screamed it could be the thing that set him free from living in eternal darkness and making his love live like that too.

He’d give anything, pay any price for Y/N to be able to walk in the sun again, and if his hand was in hers, wrapped around her waist or tucked against his chest as they enjoyed the wonders of the world in colour, not the perpetual greys of night, he would beg on his knees if he had to.

His love didn’t seem to be fairing any better. She was fidgety all the time, where she used to be able to sit and watch Astarion patching up a shirt of hers or adding gorgeous swirls of gold and silver, now she organised and cleaned his whole tailoring room over and over again. Y/N cooked almost obsessively, way too much food for just one of them to eat, and it almost drove him mad how restless she’d become during sleep as well.

Worry ate at him that Y/N hadn’t gotten proper rest in days, all because of that damned book. Would it be worth it? Would her losing sleep be worth it in the end? Nothing that hurt her was, not in Astarion’s mind, but whenever he asked her to leave something be, said that he’d pick it up, she’d simply shrug and say, “No time like the present.”

Taking into account his feedings as well, his heart twisted at the thought that all of this was weighing on her shoulders, but luckily at least some of the burden of wait was lifted when Gale’s answer came.

To their relief, the wizard gave them good news and apologies, as he’d travelled beyond the Sword Coast with his grandfather, but would be taking the first available ship to Baldur’s Gate. It would take at least three weeks of travelling, but he would waste no time beyond that and go straight to their home, and that left the two anxious lovers to occupy their time however they could.

Y/N had already rearranged the whole library twice by then, half in search of figuring out where this mysterious book had come from, half in absolute boredom, while Astarion had taken to sowing and stitching dresses and tunics and shirts and trousers and even a gorgeous set if not a scandalous one of lingerie for Y/N (which he had promptly ripped to shreds that same morning she’d donned it to go to bed).

She’d admonished him through a desperate moan, as his tongue had skimmed against her neck, lace scraps still around her ribs and hips, nothing more left of the intricate design he’d so patiently made. Not that it’d covered much in the first place.

“I’ll make you hundreds more just to rip all of it off again,” Astarion groaned as her hips ground up against him, delicious friction causing him to respond in kind.

“But it was so beautiful!” Y/N whined when Astarion took her wrists in one of his hands and held them in a tight grip above their heads.

“Nothing is as beautiful as you completely bare and uncovered for me. So… delectable…”

Let’s just say neither of them could get out of bed after the sun had set, as their legs wobbled at the lightest touch to the ground, leading them to another day of sleeping in, and a night of passionate debauchery.

However, as much as Astarion wished to stay like that with Y/N, both of them naked and twined in bed, other things had to be done around the house, and at that moment, he’d asked Y/N to model a dress for her.

He didn’t dare say the cut was based on a sketch hidden deep in his drawers, and originally it was made of white lace with an accompanying veil, not the jade colour he’d cut it in now.

“Do you think we’re harbouring false hope?” she asked, colour-coding his threads and placing the box neatly back on the table after Astarion allowed her to redress and was happy with how the skirt flew around her hips.

“In what way, my dear?”

“I just,” Y/N huffed, sitting down on the arm of the chair next to him, watching how his quick fingers stilled their needlework so as to not poke her accidentally. “I don’t want you to be disappointed if this… if this isn’t what we think it is. I know how much you miss the sun.” Y/N gently threaded her fingers through his moon-white locks. “I know how guilty you feel for me having to forego it. You don’t have to say anything,” she interrupted whatever was on Astarion’s tongue. “I can see it on your face.”

He looked down at the green gown’s hem he was embellishing. He’d tried so hard to hide the guilt seeping through his veins. He didn’t want her to know that; he already burdened her life as is.

“I can’t say it wouldn’t hurt if what we hope doesn’t come true.” Astarion put the needle and dress on the table, turning to Y/N and pulling her into his lap. “I wish I could give you the world, but I can barely give you half… if even that much. You deserve so much more than what you’ve deemed enough. I just want to… give you more…”

“My Star, please don’t even think you’re not enough for me.” Y/N brushed a pale curl behind his ear.

He gave her a rueful smile. “A little mind-reader you are, aren’t you?”

She simply shrugged, melting against his chest, his undead heart beating just a tad stronger at how much comfort she got from simply being held by him. “It’s not so hard nowadays when you’ve become an open book to me.”

Astarion had nothing to respond to that because he knew he had, at least with Y/N. He might not voice it out loud, but his heart was open. Yes, fear still lingered in bleeding gashes around the edges, but he knew, she’d always be there to dab at the pained spots and heal them with a kiss.

“I’m not leaving,” she mumbled, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Not now, not ever. Not when the sun sets or rises. An army would have to come in and tie me up before dragging me away from you. And even then, I’d be kicking and screaming, biting my way out to get home.”

Astarion’s breath stuttered, but he didn’t mention what the words of her referring to him as her home did to him. “I just want if only a minute to stand in the sun with you. If that’s all I’m given for the rest of eternity, it’s what I’ll take. Just a moment with you in the sun.”

Y/N took his chin between her thumb and pointer finger, tilting his head up so their eyes could meet – his scarlet ones brimming with unshed tears, her own Y/E/C ones filled with nothing but sure-fire determination. “Whatever is in that book, spell or no, we’ll figure it out. But one day, I know, you will be able to walk in the sun again. I’ll make sure of it. Even if I have to raise all nine hells, I’ll find a way.”

“I know you will.” Astraion sighed, letting the tears roll down his cheeks. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

Y/N’s laughter was the most gorgeous symphony to his ears. She gave a light kiss to the very tip of his right one, a shiver of pleasure rushing down his spine. “We’ll figure it out, my Star.”

That morning, just a couple of hours after their conversation, as Y/N was closing all the shutters to their home so as to not let in the sun of the new day, Astarion slid his palm into hers, tugging her to their bed while kissing every inch of her skin he could get to.

He needed to be close to her, he needed to sink into her and fuse together, become as close to one body as possible, otherwise, it was like he was going to combust from the love unless he could bathe her in it.

“I need you,” Astarion whispered against her cheek, as Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck.

“You have me,” she responded in kind. “All of me is yours if you want it.”

A shudder went through his body as he swiftly, but tenderly rid both of them of their clothes, gentle hands running over Y/N’s hips and sides, as she lightly squirmed away from him when he playfully dug his fingers against her ribs, before trailing their way to her stomach, where a jagged scar stood slightly raised against the rest of her body.

“And I’m yours. Body and soul,” Astarion said, still looking at that scar while he slowly slipped his frame to rest atop, his cock sliding through her already slick folds, lightly nudging his tip against her clit in a teasing manner.

“Mine,” Y/N sighed out dreamily, as he filled her, her legs locking around his hips, ankles crossed over the small of his back to pull him deeper until their hips rested flush against one another.

A slight whimper escaped him as he affirmed. “Yours… just yours, my love.”

He’d never thought that such a word as “mine” would bring him such feelings of love and adoration.

Astarion had always wanted to belong. He’d always wanted a family, friends or a true lover to build his life with, but for a horribly long time, all because of Cazador, that wish was locked away in a tomb just like him. And after a while of pain and misery, he just gave up on the idea as a whole. Belonging to someone became a despised thing, a notion he had no free will. He was a pet, a thing to be had and done with as his master pleased.

But then that Nautiloid ship happened, and he gained allies. Who morphed into friends, and then Y/N, the oddest one of their group, became so much more than that.

That night when he’d offered himself to her, he’d been ready to use his body as coin, as he’d been taught, if it granted him food, shelter and protection. Astarion was used to whoring himself out, but that wouldn’t be the worst he’d done. At least Y/N was nice to look at. She included him in conversations during the day and asked for his opinion. It would most certainly be lovelier than the other times.

Yet she’d surprised him and said no. She still offered him all the things he asked for, even her neck if he needed to feed, but Y/N was adamant she would not take sex as payment for such things.

Astarion took a surprised step back. “Am I – do I not appeal to you?”

Why did it sting? Why did the thought of the answer being “yes” hurt so much?

“No,” she shook her head. “It’s just that you don’t have to ask for those things and sleep with me as payment.”

“Oh.” That stumped him truly. His mind reeled at her words. “Then what is it that you want?” A cheeky comment was right there for him to spit out, but he refrained.

Y/N shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe patch a hole in a shirt, if it gets too ruined? Help me carry part of my loot if it gets too heavy? We’re friends, or at least good travel companions, I’d like to think.”

That moment had changed everything for Astarion. It had changed how he looked at himself and what he could ask of the world. She’d helped him learn he could say no.

When Y/N had been close to decapitating that vile Drow Araj after she looked at him like he was a puppet for Y/N to use, Astarion had confessed that night – his whole plan of seducing her, securing his safety and getting in her good graces so he always had someone to have his back if suddenly the rest of their party decided to turn against him.

The kiss they’d shared, initiated by Astarion himself, felt like the first kiss of his life. He was jittering like a youth as Y/N’s lips pressed to his. And for the first time in ages, he thought maybe he had someone, to be with not belong to.

When she cried out in ecstasy as Astarion started to move, slowly dragging his hips back and forth, allowing her to feel every ridge and dip and immersing himself in the warm, wet feeling surrounding him, his thoughts couldn’t help but wander to that moment in the Szarr Palace when Y/N had cried in pain instead as Cazador’s knife dug deep into her gut.

She’d gone in for an attack in an attempt at freeing Astarion from the grasp of the Ascension ritual, and she had almost gotten Cazador, had the vampire not moved in the last second, twisting away from her sword and delivering the critical hit himself.

Someone screamed so loud, the sound verged on popping Astarion’s eardrums. It was only when his throat went raw he realised it was him screaming.

Cazador didn’t even bother to pull the knife out, letting Y/N drop to the ground in a heap, her blood trickling out of her wound and pooling around her body, staining the tiles a deep red.

Astarion wanted to retch at the sight.

“Pathetic,” Cazador spat. “Both of you.”

Nothing but white-hot rage coursed through Astarion’s veins as he watched his master walk around Y/N’s crumpled form, nudging her with his foot as if she were nothing more than a worm.

“I cannot deny,” Cazador mussed. “For a brief second, I did consider turning her into a new addition to our family. It would have been fitting – my prodigal son, returning and bringing the last piece I need. A fitting punishment, for your disobedience, Astarion, wouldn’t you agree? You’ve broken pretty much all of my rules, and someone has to pay.”

Cazador turned his back on Y/N, obscuring Astarion's view of her. “And how poetic would have it been, had it been you draining her, taking every last drop of her blood, only for me to sire. I think I would have enjoyed your screaming immensely, but no matter. It would only be a waste of time.” The vampire master smirked at a struggling Astarion. “Tell me – was her blood sweet? It smells absolutely delectable. Maybe I should have a little taste.”

“Fuck you!” Astarion roared. “Damn you to all nine hells!”

Cazador only chuckled. “Maybe a couple of decades in that tomb of yours will do you good. Remind you of manners. Or maybe I will let Godey -,” but he didn’t manage to finish whatever horrors he was already painting in his mind as he choked on the words.

The vampire’s dark brows furrowed as he slowly glanced down and saw a blade protruding from his stomach, the hilt buried deep against his spine.

Surprise, anger and confusion all flashed across the immortal’s face as Y/N yanked the dagger out. Cazador slowly turned and found Y/N standing before him, a hand clutching against her stomach.

“That,” she gasped. “Is for what you did to me and this,” she thrust her hand again, this time letting the blade go clean through Cazador’s neck, “is for what you did to Astarion.”

She left the blade there, taking a few steps back on swaying feet, but it was enough of a distraction to break Cazador’s concentration and Astarion dropped free.

He was on his feet in an instant, pulling the knife Y/N had plunged back out and then smashing it deep into Cazador’s gut over and over and over again until there was nothing left of him but a mangled, almost cut-in-two, corpse.

Astarion dropped to his knees, chest heaving with exertion, his whole body covered in blood, all of it Cazador’s. Who was dead.

Cazador was dead.

His master, his torturer, the one who robbed him of his life and choices was finally gone.

Relief rolled through him like a tidal wave, his body slowly but surely wracked by sobs as catharsis set in. Two hundred years of pain and misery, two hundred years of not owning his body or mind, and now he was suddenly free.

He didn’t know how to process such a realisation. It seemed almost easier to live his life in fear, to constantly look over his shoulder and go to bed with the thought his miracle of a chance at life could be taken away at any moment. In that way, he didn’t have to create friendships or relationships, he didn’t need to get close to anyone and risk losing them. He could just always keep peeking through the tiny slit from the boarded-up window, instead of poking his head through the crack in the door.

So what was he to do now, when that door had been blasted wide open?

“Y/N,” Astarion whispered her name, his head snapping up and scanning the hall, quickly landing on her body.

She’d collapsed about fifteen feet away from Cazador, but it took him less than five seconds to be by her side. With trembling hands, he took her by the shoulder and turned her on her back, so he could see her face.

A sob raked through him. “Please,” Astarion begged, pulling her head to rest on his thighs. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Star,” his name was a moan of pain from Y/N’s lips. And he hated it.

It was supposed to be a sigh of pleasure as his tongue lapped against her sweetest spot, a groan of delight when he sank into her, his hands holding hers, lips pressed together in a reassuring kiss. It was supposed to be a laugh between hiccups as he joked and snarked. It was supposed to be anything but this.

Her body was covered in so much blood, and had it been Cazador’s he would have been fine, but he knew it wasn’t. It was her own, that sweet and tantalizing scent of it running up his nose. Usually, the tiniest drop of it, could turn him feral, but all it did now was make bile rise in his throat as more and more of it coated his hands and the floor around them.

“I’ll complete the ritual,” he choked, brushing a strand of matted-down hair away from Y/N’s face. “And then I’ll save you.”

“Don’t,” she gasped, begging him. “Please don’t.”

“I can’t let you die,” he could barely manage the words, but she still heard them and shook her head.

“And I will not let you kill innocents just to save my life.” Y/N clutched at his arm as tightly as she could with all her remaining strength that was weaning with every passing second. “If you do this, I will never forgive you. You’ll become just like Cazador. And I know you are so – so much more than that. Than him. Don’t let Cazador win. You – you fought so hard,” she sobbed out, half at the implication of what he’d overcome, half at Astarion pressing down on her wound as he attempted to staunch the bleeding, but to no avail. “Don’t throw all of it away. Not for this.”

Astarion swivelled his head around desperately as if a response on what to do could be found in the room, yet nothing but Cazador’s mangled body and the pool of blood it’d created answered.

“Please,” he whispered, leaning down and pressing his forehead to Y/N’s and once again repeated. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I won’t,” her response was barely a puff of air. “I will always be right here with you, Star. To the very end.”

Y/N placed her palm right where his undead heart broke into pieces, and when she closed her eyes, the only sound left was the echoes of his screams.

He might’ve been screaming for ages, Astarion didn’t know nor did he care. All he knew was that his love, his sun, his reason for living was gone.

The sound of the door being broken down invaded his mind, as many pairs of footsteps entered, but Astarion paid no mind to his friends. They could all go to the nine hells with Cazador for his sake, as long as he got to stay with Y/N.

He heard Karlach, the gentle giant of their group gasp out Y/N's name, and even Lae’Zel’s hiss of surprise was unmistakable, the scene before them rendering the rest speechless.

“She almost looks like she’s sleeping,” Astarion muttered, tracing his knuckles against Y/N’s cold skin. So close to his own temperature he didn’t feel the difference. A tear splashed against her cheek, rolling down her temple and disappearing into her hairline.

“Astarion, Shadowheart can help,” Wyll said, stepping closer, but the pale elf just shook his head.

“No,” he muttered, tracing her unmoving features with his thumb. “No one will hurt her. Not anymore.”

“Astarion, she won’t hurt Y/N,” Gale piped up. “We can bring her back.”

But he wasn’t listening anymore. He didn’t care what they were saying. No one else would ever touch her. No one would ever dare hurt her again. He’d set the world on fire if they so much as touched a hair on her head.

His friends however had different ideas. With apologies on their lips, they grabbed him, ripping him away from Y/N, her body unceremoniously dropping to the ground from where her head had been resting against his thighs.

“I’ll kill all of you!” Astarion screamed, trying to bite and scratch as he was pulled further and further away from Y/N. “Some friends you are!”

It took Karalch physically ripping him away from Y/N’s dead body, Lae’Zel and Wyll helping her pin him to the ground as Shadowheart and Gale crouched beside his love, while Astarion trashed against their hold.

“He took her,” Astarion wailed and roared, his pain echoing in the chamber around them. “He took her!"

There was no need for elaboration. Not even Lae’Zel, always so quick to show her disdain against emotion, spoke. Instead, she moved a bit to the side, so Astarion could at least be granted the gift of seeing Y/N’s face as Shadowheart and Gale hovered over her dead body.

“He killed her, and I could do nothing about it,” Astarion whimpered, eyes focused on the serene look his lover had in death. He only hoped she felt at peace wherever she was.

A pale blue light glowed from Shadowheart’s hands, Gale’s power feeding hers.

“It won’t work.” He let the tears fall freely from his eyes. “She’s gone.”

It was a resigned statement from someone who was completely exhausted. He’d prepared for never leaving the Szarr palace, for dying, if he had to, but he’d never prepared himself for losing Y/N. She had become such a staple, such a sure thing in his life, he no longer could imagine how a single day without her smile could go. But now she was gone and –

His brows furrowed. It had to be a trick of his mind, a hallucination his grief-stricken heart was conjuring up, but there it was – the sweetest sound in the world he never thought to hear again – Y/N’s heartbeat.

A ragged intake of breath shattered through the hall, and he watched as her lashes fluttered. Her lungs stuttered as if they needed a minute to reconnect with her brain before they levelled out and remembered how to breathe.

Karalch, Wyll and Lae’Zel released their hold, and Astarion slowly sat up on his forearms. When Y/N took in her first full steady breath, Shadowheart slumped over, Gale already having expected it, dropping into a crouch and allowing her to lean on his side.

He couldn’t believe it. Y/N had died in his arms, he’d watched her life’s blood seep across his hands, and yet there she was – on the ground, her heart beating and lungs dragging in short breaths, barely but still.

“She needs rest,” Shadowheart said, running a soothing hand down her friend’s cheek. “As do I.”

“Let’s get back to the inn.” Wyll approached and helped the exhausted cleric, as he wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her up, without much of a fuss. Lae’Zel and Gale hovered over Y/N until Astarion was capable of getting to his feet, knees trembling like a fawn's. Whether they were there for him or her, Astarion didn’t know but appreciated nonetheless.

“Would you like me to carry her?” Gale offered, a gentle look on his face, nothing but concern evident, but Astarion shook his head.

“I’ll do it.” His voice was raw from the screaming and crying, but he didn’t care to clear it as he gently lifted her up.

Y/N’s head lolled to rest against his chest as if on instinct and he had to push down a sob as he felt her warm, alive body curl into his own, like so many times before now.

Karlach laid a leather jacket across Astarion’s naked shoulders, but all he could concentrate on were the shallow breaths entering Y/N’s lungs, her slow but steadily beating heart and the way her fingers curled against where his still one rested.

The whole trek back to the lodgings they’d procured previously, Astarion was numb, completely and utterly numb save for the incessant need to check if Y/N was breathing. He was struggling to figure out his emotions.

As he laid her down in the bed, Karlach lighted a fire and Gale promised to bring a cloth and some warm water for Astarion to clean Y/N up, he couldn’t help but grieve Cazador.

He didn’t stray from his love’s bedside not even for a second, keeping vigil day and night, but most importantly watching her chest rise and fall with deep, even breaths, yet some part of him mourned his master as well.

Three days after the events of the Szarr Palace, Astarion had reluctantly agreed to have a quick wash while Karlach watched over Y/N. He regretted that decision more than anything because sometime during the ten minutes he allowed himself to get rid of the crusted blood, she had awoken.

When he re-entered the bedroom, Astarion almost fainted at the sight of her beautiful Y/E/C eyes boring into his scarlet ones.

“Hello, Star,” she croaked through a smile, and he almost crumbled then and there by the doorway, had it not been for the tight grip on the knob.

Karlach made a quick exit, but not before placing a warm palm against his shoulder, giving him a slight nudge in Y/N’s direction, though he didn’t need one. It was like she had a magical pull, making him stumble across the room before his knees gave out with a hard thud and his hand desperately sought out Y/N’s. When their fingers entwined in a tight hold, he swore to himself to never let go of her again.  

“I thought I lost you,” his voice broke. “I – I thought I’d never see you again.”

“I’m sorry,” her own tone was quiet, barely a whisper. “But I couldn’t just let him hurt you more.”

“I know. I know you… I just…” He huffed, brows furrowing as he searched for the correct words. “I thought when I got my freedom back, you would be there by my side, but instead you were the cost of it.” Astarion choked on the word “cost”. “But at the same time, I couldn’t help but mourn the loss of him.” He didn’t say his name, he’d decided Cazador wasn’t worth having the honour of a name spoken aloud.

“And it felt disgusting. He hurt you. He took you from me, and yet… I didn’t even have him left after your… your… heart stopped,” Astarion took a shaky intake of breath. “I was completely and utterly alone. When Shadowheart appeared, I was almost tempted to ask her to revive him just so I could kill him again for what he did to you… and maybe, just so I wasn’t alone.”

Astarion lifted his gaze, resting his cheek against the palm Y/N had untwined from his, so her soft thumb could brush away the rivers of tears spilling down his face. “Please don’t leave me again. I’m – I’m not strong enough to go through it once more.”

“You are, my Star,” Y/N kissed his forehead. “You are so strong.”

“Let me rephrase that then – I don’t want to go through anything in life. Not without you by my side.”

“I promise,” she muttered and leaned forward pulling Astarion to lay next to her, sealing the vow with a kiss.

And though he still struggled with nightmares of that fight, though he still woke up breathless at times, arms desperately searching for the warm body that always occupied the other side of the bed, the deepest reassurance he could ever have that everything was alright, that Y/N was safe and sound, were moments like these when her body melted against his, where she was panting and gasping and so full of life, especially as Astarion hit that one spot that made Y/N throw her head back in a moan of pleasure.

Her nails dug into his shoulders with such a delicious taste of pain, never drawing blood though, but always leaving crescent imprints he wanted to keep on his body forever. Like Y/N’s touch could erase everything Cazador had left on him.

Y/N’s back arched, and Astarion used the moment to slip his hands underneath and pull her upwards from the bed so that she was resting in his lap, legs wrapped around his waist, chest to chest, and him buried so deep, it made both their eyes roll to the backs of their heads in pleasure.

She’d taught him sex could be wonderful. It could be meaningful and lovely, instead of a means to an end or a bargaining chip to be used. It had taken a while for Astarion to grow comfortable with even the thought of her touching him, but nowadays, he became quite the grump if he ever awoke not in Y/N’s arms, even if it was for such a simple reason as nature calling her.

Her touch was the balm on sunburnt skin, her kiss was a reassurance that it needn’t go further than that and he could always say no and would be listened to. But in moments like these, all Astation wanted was more. He wanted to feel her squeeze around him, to hear her breath choke at the back of her throat, he craved to feel her pulse race as she climbed higher and higher, closer and closer to her orgasm with every thrust of his hips.

Sex had been something repulsive and vile to him. Now it was the most beautiful thing he felt blessed to participate in, all because of the woman moaning his name above him.

“I’m so close,” she whispered in his ear as Astarion kissed her neck, heart thundering in her chest.

“Let go,” he muttered, a shiver rolling down Y/N’s spine at the pleading tone of his words, making her grip his back tighter, and dig in her nails more. “Let go, I got you.”

She whimpered at his coaxing words and tightened so much around his cock, it became almost impossible for Astarion to keep pumping in and out, so he slid a hand down across her chest to her clit, just to push her over that edge she was teetering on.

Two deft fingers circled around the swollen bud, once, twice and that was it for Y/N to break. With a sigh of his name, she came, hard, taking him along as well, the orgasm surprising Astarion with its intensity and how quickly it’d crept upon him.

Bliss exploded through his veins, and his nails dug into the small of Y/N’s back, always careful to not hurt her, but deep enough to leave moon-shaped marks on her body, the same ones she no doubt had left along his back and shoulders as they both succumbed to euphoria.

A moan got stuck in his throat before slipping past his lips as Y/N ground down one final time, before stilling her hips and relishing how he filled her until the mix of their pleasure ran down their thighs and stained the sheets below. Never mind that though. It was a problem for future Astarion and Y/N.

They both were trembling as, slowly, the orgasmic wave subsided, and as they came down from their highs, Astarion couldn’t help but place a cheeky kiss on Y/N’s neck, letting his fangs skim along her skin and feel her pulse spike at that.

Y/N let out a breathless laugh, her hands slowly skimming up and down his spine, body still rocked by pleasure. “If you want a snack, you know all you have to do is ask.”

“I’m fine,” Astarion mumbled, burying his nose in the crook of her neck. “I just… I just love you. That’s all.”

At least that’s what he said, but underneath laid a thousand other words – I need to feel your heart beating. I have to feel your skin against mine. I need to hear you breathing and know that you’re alive and here with me. That he wasn’t imagining it as some sort of a hallucination and wouldn’t wake up back under Cazador’s control with her body lying dead on the ground by his feet.

Y/N hummed in content, pressing a kiss to Astarion’s chest. “I love you too. So much.”

A smile bloomed on his lips as he pulled away just a bit so he could cup Y/N’s face between his hands. “I don’t know what I may have done in my previous life, and I certainly don’t know what I did in this one to ever deserve someone like you, but whatever it was… I’m glad I did.”

The way her eyes shone would have brought Astarion to his knees, had he already not been kneeling on the bed. Y/N was just about to pull him in for a deep kiss when their moment was disturbed by the bell of their house ringing.

They knew it was daytime. And only one person would ring it then.

Astarion looked at Y/N.

She lifted a brow. “Ready to figure out what’s in that book?”

He pressed his forehead to hers. “With you, I’m ready for anything.”

Tags:

Everything tags: @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @m-a-t-91 @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @lestersglitterglue @im-squished @strangersstranger

Astarion tags: @spacebarbarianweird

A/N: I am in love with pixels on a screen...

[crazyk-imagine]

The Good, The Bad, and The Working on It

Pairing: (Stepdad) Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Mom!Reader

Characters: (Stepdad) Jake “Hangman” Seresin, Mom!Reader, Edwin and Maryanne (the kiddos), Penny Benjamin, Amelia Benjamin, Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw, Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, Natasha "Phoenix" Trace, Robert "Bob" Floyd, Reuben "Payback" Fitch, Mickey "Fanboy" Garcia, Javy "Coyote" Machado, Billy "Fritz" Avalone, Callie "Halo" Bassett, Neil "Omaha" Vikander, Bringham "Harvard" Lennox, Logan "Yale" Lee, Marty and Cody (the other bartenders)

Warnings: Fluff, minor angst, not enough communication (always communicate with your partner), minor cursing (very brief), drama, nicknames (gorgeous, darlin’, etc.), Fanboy is the man when it comes to photography, Bob is the best guy for the job of being a DJ,  Javy "Coyote" Machado is a good friend, Jake being a softie, Penny acts as a protective mother figure over reader, Bradley judges our favorite cocky pilot, everyone teases Jake, Cute quick Penny and Pete moment.

Word Count: 11,575

A/N: This can easily become a series, still thinking about it though (even though I have notes and drafts all revolving around this imagine and I made a header for it not even 10 min ago)

Answers to TGTBATWOI

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Three and a half years ago…

After the father of your kids decided that he had enough of being tied down and left with little to no goodbye, it was safe to say you didn’t think or care about dating after that shitty experience. 

So, you can fully admit (as well as Jake and his pilot buddies) that it was no surprise when you met said pilot at the Hard Deck. 

You work there a little more than part time, being a bartender there is your “out of the house” job (as you like to say) and you do a type of telemarketing at home when the company you’ve been emailing with asks you too. 

Luckily it doesn’t happen all the time but sometimes it can be pretty inconvenient on days when your babies have a part in a play and they’re the lead star or when they have their first soccer game (it was a bit of a hassle to accomplish but you did it). 

And then again, it was no surprise when Jake was a jackass when you two first met. 

You (and anyone else, yes, including Bradley and Pete) can admit that it was nice when he actually started to act like a human being with emotions and not some douche with a huge ego. 

Today however, will be the test to see how everything will be if you and Jake decide to take your relationship (or pining) a step further… even though he hasn’t officially asked you out.

-

“Are you sure you can’t watch them for another three-ish hours?” You ask your babysitter and get a lame excuse saying she can’t because she has to study when she actually has plans to go out with her friends and her boyfriend (the kids told you yesterday about all this). 

You sigh, hanging up your phone before shoving it into your pocket. You rest your hands on the edge of the bar top, closing your eyes with your head down to the floor. 

“You, okay?” Penny asks. 

You quickly straighten your posture, “yep, all good.” 

“Your babysitter cancel on you?” 

You avert your gaze, “maybe.” 

“You get off early tonight, why not bring them here? Pete and the others will be here. They could go swimming.” 

“I don’t have any of their swim things and no sunscreen. Plus, I need them to focus on their homework right now. I don’t want to have another meeting with their teachers over something as minor as homework.” 

She nods, “alright. We can have them sit over at one of the tables until the lunch rush shows. And, before you say anything, breath. We’ll be fine. I’ve got Marty and Cody coming in for their shifts in an hour which will give you more than enough time to go pick them up and come back here… even though we won’t need you.” 

“I’m gonna ignore that last part because we both know it’s not true. Thank you.” 

You check the clock on the wall, “crap. I gotta go. I’ll be back soon.”

-

“Looks like your girlfriends not here,” Javy comments. 

“She’s not- shut up, man.” Jake shoves his buddy away from him as he enters the bar, immediately aiming for the center station. He can’t take these conversations seriously without a drink. 

“Where’s the only sensible woman Bagman hasn’t managed to sink his claws into?” Natasha asks, standing behind him. 

“He’s in one of his moods,” Javy says before leaning down to “whisper”, “she’s not here. Her car wasn’t in the parking lot.” 

“Guess she came to her senses,” she pats him on the shoulder. 

Logan, Billy, and Callie wave her over, pointing to the pool table. 

She walks away from the two, wanting to place some bets (knowing she’ll make a quick buck or two). 

-

“She’s gonna be here soon, you know. Don’t pout, man.” Javy pats Jake’s shoulder, not wanting to have to console the dude for something so minor but willing to do so anyway. 

“Would you stop saying that? I don’t care, alright?” 

His friend makes an attempt to respond but doesn’t because he starts coughing, choking on his saliva. 

“You good?” 

His buddy shakes his head, covering his mouth with a clenched fist, using his free hand to point over at you. 

The blonde turns, his eyes widen ever so slightly. “She has kids?” He mutters to himself, wondering who else may have known and if this is why you continue to turn him down. 

He thinks back to the times when he’s asked you out and if you wear a wedding ring or have mentioned having a boyfriend, but the answer is no.

-

“Alright, today we can focus on your homework a little more because Pen has a couple extra hands. We ready?” 

“Do we have to?” Edwin, Ed (or Eddie) asks with a whining tone. 

“Don’t give me that pouty lip, Mister. If we can get this done before we go home, I know for a fact you would feel better.” 

“What if I don’t want to feel better?” 

“You should.” 

You turn to your daughter, Maryanne, who’s older by three years looks back down at her own work. “Thank you, sweetheart, but I don’t need you to chime in with your insightful thoughts.” 

“But he needs to focus. He’s already gotten a warning from his teacher.” 

“He’s what?” You turn to look at your son, “Edwin, is this true?” 

He looks down, not saying anything. 

“Why did you get a warning?” 

“She wouldn’t let me ask my friend for help.” 

“Were you talking to your friend during class time when you know you’re not supposed to?” 

He purses his lips, “that’s ervelant.” 

“Irrelevant, sweetheart. How long ago did you get your warning?” 

“He got it on his first day and we’re on our third day of school now.” 

You turn to your daughter, “do you know if it was a verbal warning or is there something I need to sign?” 

She shakes your head, “the first one. It’s okay though. His teacher tells me what I need to tell you when I’m waiting for him in his class after school.” 

Your son is upset that you two are talking about and “acting” like he’s not even there. “Don’t talk about me like I’m not here!” 

“Eddie, I need you to calm down-” 

“No!” 

You open your mouth to say his name again when he hops off the chair and runs off. Your eyes widen. “Sweetheart, you’re coming with me. Hold my hand.” 

“Mom,” she groans. 

“There is a small crowd already. I will not lose both of my children in it.” 

She lets out a dramatic, long sigh, “fine.” 

You grab her hand, “thank you.”

-

Javy opens the bathroom door, stopping when something bounces off his legs. He freezes when he sees a little boy sitting on his butt, looking up at him, ready to cry. “Oh no.” 

“Hey, what’re you doing? Get out of the doorway, man,” Jake says. 

“There’s a tearful kid in the way.” 

“What?” He looks over his buddy’s shoulder to find Edwin sitting there with a wobbly lip. 

“What do I do?” 

“Pick the kid- move out of my way.” Jake scoffs, “Coyote.” The blond bends down, holding his hand out for the little boy to take. 

Edwin hesitantly reaches up for the man’s hand. 

Jake helps him off the ground, giving him a gentle smile. “Atta boy, you’re looking better already. Is your mom or dad here?” 

He nods. 

“You want to point me in their direction-”

“Eddie! Edw-” Maryanne stops you, pointing to Jake. 

You rush over to the two, kneeling beside Jake. “Edwin, I’ve told you too many times, not to run off like that.” 

He sniffs, nodding his head. 

You sigh, wiping his cheeks before turning to find- “Jake.” 

“My favorite,” he glances between the two, “b-a-r-t-e-n-d-e-r.” 

“I can spell,” Maryanne says with slight attitude. 

“Maryanne.” 

“Sorry mama.” 

“These two are yours?” 

“Obviously.” 

“I’m really sorry,” Javy starts to apologize. “I didn’t see him and then he-” 

You smile, “Javy, it’s okay. I know you didn’t do anything on purpose. He just got upset and ran off.” 

“I’m still really sorry.” 

“We accept your apology.” You stand up, “why don’t you two go join the rest of your crew. We’ve got some work to do.” 

Your daughter pouts, leaning against you. 

He stands up. “You go,” Jake whispers to Javy. 

“Dude.” 

“Just go.” 

“Alright, alright.”

-

“So, what kind of homework do we have to do?” 

You shake your head, holding both of your kids’ hands, “no, Jake. You go join your friends. You don’t want to stay and help out with homework, that’s not what you came here to do.” 

“I came here to talk to some people, and I’d certainly enjoy talking to you three.” 

You scoff through your nose, shaking your head to hide the fact that your cheeks are on fire. 

“Let me carry little man and don’t tell me I don’t need to. I want to, gorgeous.” He lifts Edwin into his arms, holding the boy against his hip. 

Maryanne starts walking ahead, pulling you with her. 

You all settle into your seats, Jake across from you with the kids on each side of you. 

“I finished my writing assignment before we went looking for Ed.” 

You give her a small smile, “that’s good, what else do you have to do?” 

She pouts, “math.” 

You nod, “okay.” 

“I can help,” Jake offers. 

“You can?” You ask. 

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that attitude and say yes.” 

“Since when were you a math whiz?” 

“Since I actually put in the effort to pass.” 

“That’s always nice to hear...” You smirk, resting your head on your palm, “were you being threatened with detention?” 

“Worse.” 

“No car?” 

“Bingo.” 

“I bet it would have been hilarious to see teen, skinny armed, pasty Jake riding his bike through the neighborhood.” 

“Oh, yeah. So, funny.” He turns to Maryanne, glancing down at her work, “you need help with math?” 

“Yeah… can you help me?” 

“Sure, I can. What are we doing today?”

-

“Is he actually being nice to kids?” Bradley mutters. 

“He’s obviously doing it to impress her,” Reuben adds. 

“I don’t think so. He’s actually good with kids. You should see him with his nieces and nephews,” says Javy. 

“There’s more of him? There are little bagman’s running around out in the world?” Natasha asks, catching the last little bit of the conversation. 

Javy dry laughs, “ha ha. Yeah, kind of. He just doesn’t want you all to see him as a softie.” 

“I feel like I’m watching a rom com,” Mickey says. 

“But it’s actually decent and well worth watching,” adds Bob. 

“How long have you been there?” Reuben asks. 

“A few minutes. I’m waiting on my soda.” 

“Anyone want to play pool?” Javy asks. 

“Or darts? Maybe next to them?” Natasha offers. 

Javy smirks, “let’s go.” He wraps his arm around her shoulders, pulling her with him. 

Mickey and Bob trail behind them, shaking their heads, not liking what the two may be planning. 

Reuben runs over to the bar to grab their drinks.

-

“And how are we today?” Javy asks, wrapping his arm around is buddy’s shoulders. He turns to Edwin, “sorry about running into you little dude.” 

“It’s okay and we’re good. Jake’s helping Maryanne with her math,” you tell him. 

“You’ve got the best guy to help her.” 

“How come we never met your mini me’s?” Mickey asks, pulling Javy away so he and Natasha can start their game of darts. 

“My babysitter canceled.” 

“That sucks. Why? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

“She’s in high school, has a boyfriend. Need I say more.” 

“Ah,” he nods, “got it. Well, if you ever need a babysitter, I’d happily offer my services.” 

“Well, aren’t you sweet.” 

Jake furrows his brows; he knows the kid isn’t hitting on you, but he can’t help but feel a little jealous very jealous. “Alright, that’s enough. Your partner in crime is calling you over to play darts.” 

Mickey snickers as he walks away. 

-

“You good, Seresin?” You ask with a raised brow. 

“Always,” he smirks before helping Maryanne with her homework. 

You smile, letting yourself daydream about a future with him and how nice it would be to be able to share a life with him, having family outings, potentially expanding your family, and growing old together… You shake your head, ridding your mind of these thoughts. You don’t want to get your hopes up (anymore, then you already have). 

He glances over at you and smiles. 

You fight the urge to smile for a second before you give up and give in, smiling with just as much, if not a skosh more happiness. 

After about an hour or so, Maryanne was able to successfully finish her homework. 

“You know if she gets a good grade on her homework, I’m gonna ask you to help her again. I can barely help her when she asks me. If it was me, I would have still been on problem two.” 

Jake chuckles, “I’d be happy to help her out as long as I get to take you out.” 

A nervous chuckle escapes you, “you mean like a- like a date?” 

“If you wouldn’t be opposed to it.” 

You bite the inside of your cheek, “I’ll see if I can find the time.” 

He shakes his head. 

You check your phone, seeing that it’s dinner time and you’ve been off your shift since- wow three hours ago. “Looks like it’s time to go home. I’ve still got to make dinner and figure out when I need to go grocery shopping. Do I need gas?” You push your chair in, helping the kids get ready. 

Jake getting out of his seat makes you realize you, kind of, forgot about him for a second. “Oh, sorry, I got too into my head.” 

“It’s alright, my sister is the same way.” 

“Oh, how is everyone? I’ve been meaning to ask but every time I want to someone else needs a drink.” 

“It’s okay. Maybe on our date we can talk more about things you’ve been wanting to ask me and… I can do the same.” 

“Yeah?” 

He nods, giving you a genuine smile, enjoying how he gets to see you all excited and jittery (and hopefully because of him, in a good way, of course), “yeah.” 

“Can we go now?” Edwin asks, rubbing his eyes. 

“Come on, let’s go.” 

“I’ll walk you all out.” 

-

“I’ll call you.” 

“You don’t have my number,” you point out. 

“Did you forget, I’m good with numbers.” 

You’re not impressed right now. “Just give me your phone.” 

“So bossy,” he teases, pulling his phone out of his pocket. 

“You love it, don’t lie.” 

“Maybe I do but, I think that’s more of a later date thing.” 

You return his phone back to him, “you think we’ll be going on more than one date?” 

He nods. “I know we will.”

You shake your head, “goodnight, Jake.” 

He leans in, giving you time to push him away; you don’t. He pecks your cheek. 

You close your eyes, inhaling his cologne (something else you’ve grown to like about him). 

He pulls back, opening the car door for you. 

You shake your head, remembering what you have to do. 

“Text me when you get home,” he says, leaning against the car and door. 

“Only if you do them same.” 

“’Course I will. Goodnight, gorgeous.” 

“Night, Jake.”  

-

After that night, he officially asked you out for a proper date and the two of you hit it off. 

He didn’t take you to a fancy restaurant (since he asked the others and Penny for a few different ideas on where you’d like to go). Jake did NOT want to screw up (what felt like) his one chance to take you out. 

The two of you found yourselves in his truck, laying in the back watching the stars, talking about whatever came to mind while you ate fast food. 

“This has to be the best date I’ve been on in- well, ever honestly,” you admit, staring up at the night sky. 

He turns his head, studying your side profile, “really?” 

“Without a shadow of a doubt.” 

He gulps, unsure if he should ask this now or ever. “I know this is too soon to ask and I might be overstepping some boundaries but, what happened with Maryanne and Edwin’s dad? Is he going to come back into their lives at any point in the future?” 

You scoff, leaning up to rest on your elbow with your head angled down towards him. “I can assure you that he will never come back into their lives until they turn eighteen then they can make the decision, but I will take the role of a bad guy if it means I keep that asshole away from them and out of their lives.” 

You sigh, resting on your back once more, “he decided that when Edwin was three months old, and Maryanne was close two and a half that he wasn’t cut out for the life of being a dad or being tied down, so he left, and I haven’t looked back since. He hasn’t called or texted since then so why should I go looking for him. He made his choice.” 

“And you made yours.” 

“What’s that?” 

Jake shuffles closer to you, cupping your cheek with his thumb brushing across your cheekbone every so often as he stares into your eyes. “You are raising two amazing kids all by yourself and you look damn good doing it.” 

You let out a quiet playful laugh. 

“I’m not gonna lie, a part of me wishes that they were mine.” 

“Yeah? What about the other part of you?” 

“Which one? I’ve got two more.” 

You raise your hand, placing it against the base of his neck, brushing your thumb back and forth against the edge of his hair, “what’s the second part of you say?” 

“How much I want to ask you to marry me even though it might be too soon.” 

“And the other?” 

“If it’d be stupid of me to ask if you’d be my gorgeous girl and let me in, help you raise those two troublemakers.” 

You sink your teeth into your bottom lip, preventing yourself from getting too emotional. “Seems to me like you just want to get in my house to see my bedroom.” 

“That would certainly be a plus, wouldn’t it?” 

“For you maybe.” 

“Damn straight.” He leans down, whispering in your ear, “I’d get to see what you wear underneath your pretty little clothes without asking you to strip for me.” 

You scoff, slapping your hands against his chest. 

He chuckles, pulling back to see you relaxed and happy, something he doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. “There’s another part of me that wants to do something.” 

“Like what?” 

“Kiss you.” 

You don’t realize it until a second later, but your lips tugged upwards, and you know you’re smiling. “Do it,” you whisper. 

He hums, blinking owlishly at you clearly coming out of his thoughts. 

You lean up and lightly brush your lips against his before pulling back. You switch from staring one eye to the next, waiting to see panic or disgust, only to find the stars twinkling in his eyes. “Kiss me.” 

“Are you sure? Because I don’t think I’ll be able to stop once I start.” 

You both lean into one another sharing a passionate first kiss (with many more to come).

-

Two years later...

“Do you think she’s gonna say yes?” asks Jake, to his friend who has a bored look on his face. 

“I hope so. I’m tired of hearing you complain and whine about “if she says no” and how you’ll “die” with whatever answer she does give you,” Javy slaps his hands on the blond man’s shoulders, “shut up. She’s gonna say yes.” 

Jake says nothing as he purses his lips, “I hear you but what if-” 

“Shut up,” Javy hands him a handful of darts, “and play. Have a drink, just do something- anything to calm your nerves… please. And you hear that? I’m asking you nicely.” 

He stares at Javy with a deadpan expression. “I’m talking to you in confidence. You’re supposed to boost me up and help me feel better.” 

“I am.” 

“You’re not being honest with me,” Jake complains. 

“I am.” He sees the look his fellow pilot is giving him out of the corner of his eye while he throws the dart at the dartboard, it lands, and he turns around. “Look, you’re an asshole-” 

“Thank you, keep telling me things I need to hear,” the blond says with sass. 

“But you’re an asshole in love and you’re,” Javy pokes his chest, “just too scared to admit it.” 

“Yeah,” he nods, until he repeats what his friend said in his head and glares at Javy. “I hate you sometimes,” he throws a dart at the dart board, it lands way off base from the center. 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

Bob walks over to the two, glancing over Jake with a concerned expression. “Is he okay?” 

“Him? Oh, yeah. He’s fine.” 

“He’s nervous she’s gonna say no, huh?” 

Jake spins around, using a dart to point at Bob. “No, I’m not.” 

Javy leans closer to the WSO, “he’s in the denial stage.” 

“I can see that.” 

“You two are messing up my concentration. Go gossip about me somewhere else.” 

“You know,” Javy pats his shoulder, “it’s okay to be scared.” 

“I’m not scared,” he denies. 

“Lying is only gonna make this worse.” 

“Can it, Baby on Board.” 

Bob raises his hands, staring at the ground with a slight smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. 

“Your girl’s here,” Billy says, handing Javy a drink and Bob his beer nuts. 

Jake spins around just as the dart hits the center of the dart board. A boyish grin tugs at the corner of his mouth, “yes, she is.” He hands Bob the third dart, “have fun boys. Oh, and use protection, especially you,” he points to the WSO before talking off. 

“What?” 

“Ignore him. He’s in love, you know, it makes people do and say crazy things,” Javy assures Bob.

-

“Hey, gorgeous,” he greets you, placing a hand on your lower back. 

“Hey.” You turn around, leaning into him. You see the guys standing there, watching the two of you. “Are we gonna go say hi?” 

He shakes his head, “nope. Come on.” He leads you towards the walls, wanting to get away from the crowd, not lose you in it. 

“Where are we going?” 

“I want to go outside and see how much more beautiful you can look tonight.” 

You scoff, smacking his shoulder, “you can be such an adorable suck up.” 

“Only for you,” he pecks your lips, “did it work?” 

You roll your eyes, “shut up.” You grab his hand, pulling him along behind you. You happily wave over at the three, who return “cool” waves, except for Bob (he always waves back with just as much enthusiasm as you do to him). 

Jake shoves you out the door, letting it slam shut behind him. 

-

He pulls you back, spinning you around once, and wraps his arms around your waist. “Hi.” 

You can’t resist his charm and smile back at him, “hi.” 

“Let’s walk along the beach, yeah?” 

You nod, “if that’s what you want to do.” 

“Come on,” he tucks you into his side and starts walking. 

You begin to wonder what he has planned. Jake usually doesn’t like to walk along the beach at night (he can’t see your gorgeous face as he likes to say whenever you ask… which is always). 

You turn to look at him, he’s nervous but you can’t tell why. You know there’s nothing important coming up such as birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries. The kids haven’t been giving him too much of a hard time (it’s a tough process but they do seem to act like they like him when he comes over or when you all go out). 

You’re left even more confused than when you first exited the bar. 

He stops, staring out into the ocean. 

You watch him, curious as to what’s floating around in his head, “are you okay?” 

He turns his head looking at you, wondering how he got so lucky to have meet you and hoping you’ll say yes because he wants the married life with you and to be another parent figure that Maryanne and Edwin can look up too. He knows he wants to live out the rest of his life with you and the kids. Jake gulps, “you should ring me?” 

You jerk your head back, blinking owlishly at him, “what?” 

“We should rings.” He closes his eyes with a clenched jaw, shaking his head. 

You tilt your head, “are you feeling okay?” You place your hand on the back of his forehead. 

He nods, reaching into his pocket, pulling the box out of his pocket, practically shoving it in his face. 

You grab his wrist pulling it down, out of your face and look down, realizing what he’s planning to do. “Jake?” 

“I don’t know how to say it.” 

“What- uh- what do you want to do?” 

“I think it’s pretty obvious what I want to do.” 

“Okay, smart ass. Get down on one knee and ask me.” 

“That’s the thing. I can’t figure out how to ask you.” He bends down on one knee, “I’ve got too much running through my head. and I don’t know what to say. Then before I know words just start spewing out of my mouth.” 

You take a deep breath, placing your hands on his shoulders, “what’s the first thing that pops into your head when you think about wanting to marry me?” 

“I don’t want to marry you. I am gonna marry you. So,” he reaches for your left hand, placing a gentle kiss on top, “you can’t get rid of me easily.” 

An emotional chuckle escapes you, “what a sap you are.” 

“The first thing that pops into my head when I think about us being married is how there isn’t going to much of a difference because we’re already a family. But there is one thing I do know and that’s wanting to grow old with you. You know, I want us to be the older fun couple who still act like they did their first year of dating and I want to listen to your old lady problems.” 

You smack his shoulder. 

He chuckles, “while you listen to my old man issues.” 

“Something tells me there’s gonna be a lot.” 

“Let me finish then we can add the commentary later… I also want to be able to help with the kids more.” 

“You already do so much.” 

“I know but, I think it’s best if we don’t have a lunch issue 2.0.” 

You nod, wiping your cheeks, “that’s very true. You almost got kicked out. They called me to make sure you were who you said you were.” 

“I told them not to.” 

“Oh, yeah because that always goes well when a strange man they hadn’t actually seen before says “don’t call their mom”. Really, Jake? I mean honestly.”

- 

“Ask her already!” Javy, Bob, Natasha, Bradley, Pete, and Penny shout. 

You two turn to see some of the gang standing there, waiting for Jake to pop the question. 

“If you don’t do it tonight, you’re doing all my paperwork,” Pete shouts. 

“I already do.” 

“Yeah, well… then you’ll have more.” 

-

“Can you guys turn towards me a little?” Mickey asks, holding up his phone. “You’re gonna regret it, if you don’t.” 

You two do as he asked. 

“Perfect, thank you! And… propose.” 

-

“What are we in a movie or something? Geez,” you roll your eyes. 

“I’m gonna ask you now.” 

“Okay, shutting up now.” 

“Will you marry me?” 

“Can I think about it?” 

“What?” He asks with his eyes nearly popping out of his head. 

“I’m joking, you idiot. Of course, I will!” You throw your arms around his neck causing the two of you to fall back. 

The two of you start laughing. 

You push yourself off him, opting to lay on your side. 

“Oh shit.” 

“What?” 

“Where’s the ring?” 

“Right here,” answers Bradley, holding the ring box up for him. 

“Give it to me.” 

“No.” 

“Give it to me, chicken.” 

“See that, that right there is exactly why I won’t.” 

“I swear to-” 

“Shut up,” Natasha snatches the box from him and hands it to Jake. “Don’t be an idiot.” 

“I wasn’t,” Bradley pouts. 

“Sure, you weren’t.” 

Jake lifts your hand up and slides the ring on, kissing your knuckles. 

You give him an excited smile, wondering how you got so lucky and he’s doing the same. 

Your scooped up before you know it, squealing until you find yourself taller than everyone else. “Guys,” you giggle, “put me down.” 

“Nope,” a certain mustached man responds. 

“Nat? Help?” 

“Mickey’s getting a good shot of you up there,” she says, looking over said pilot’s shoulder.  

“We can do a better photoshoot tomorrow. Put me down.” 

“Can I have my fiancée back?” 

“After the old timer,” Penny pats Pete’s shoulder, “buys a round for everybody.” 

You all holler, shouting excitedly. 

-

“Not the whole bar, right?” Pete asks his girl. 

She smirks, “no, only a lucky few. I promise… as long as your phone doesn’t wind up on the bar top.” 

“You’re a cruel, cruel woman.” 

“I’ve gotta be stern when running a bar.” 

“I was hoping that wouldn’t apply to me.”  

-

“Alright, one round on the old man then we’re outta here,” Jake announces. 

Numerous “aw’s” and “boo’s” come his way. 

“We gotta go home and get the kids ready for school.” 

“Who knew Bagman could be such a softie?” Natasha adds. 

“You couldn’t have done this on a Saturday?” 

“Shut up, chicken.” 

“I’m just saying, you should have planned better.” 

“And we’re out of here.” 

-

You let out a soft chuckle, squeezing his hand as you two exit the bar. “Jake, I wanted to say by to everyone.” 

“I did too, but they pissed me off.” 

“You’re such an old man.” 

He lightly pushes you against the car door, “hey, I’m your old man, gorgeous.” 

You smirk, “that makes me your old lady?” 

“Or if you prefer, my gorgeous.” He kisses your cheek. 

“That’s a bit of an open ending, don’t you think?” 

“No because you can add anything you want to it.” 

“You’re such a sappy suck up,” you tell him before reaching up to peck his cheek. 

“Only for you.”

-

“I don’t know how they’re gonna react.” You glance over at the front door of your shared home. 

"We don’t have to get married right away.” 

You look over at him, “Jake…” 

“No,” he shakes his head. “It’s not just because of Maryanne and Edwin, alright. I want us to take our time and plan it. Invite the people we actually want to be there because I can tell you no one from my family would actually come. I mean, my sister might but… I want to make this a special day for us.” 

“I don’t want to argue about this, even though all I have to say is that I know whenever or wherever we have this wedding it will be special.” 

“Now who’s a sappy suck up,” he reaches over the middle console to cup your cheek. 

“What are we gonna do if the kids don’t accept this?” 

“We’ll figure it out. We always do.” 

“I don’t want you to be the one who’s hurt.” 

He shakes his head, “I won’t be. If I can be a part of their life in any other way, I’ll do it. And I get their hesitancy towards me. I do.” 

“I know you do and that’s so, so nice of you but you don’t deserve to be treated like this.” He rests his forehead against yours, “like I told you, I would do anything to be in their lives.” He pecks the corner of your mouth, “and yours.” 

Jake pulls back, staring into your eyes. His thumb brushes back and forth against your cheekbone. “Let’s go inside, yeah?” He knows he can only distract you from your worries for so long. 

You nod, not wanting to worry about this anymore. “Okay.” 

-

A month and a half ago…

The credits play across the screen. The sound is off because he muted the TV, wanting to talk to you. 

"It happened again," Jake sighs. 

You quietly groan to yourself, rubbing your face with both hands before slapping your thighs. You scoot yourself into an upright position, legs still resting in his lap, "I'm sorry, honey. I can talk to them again or-" 

"No, it's okay. I- uh-” He gulps, “I was thinking maybe I should go stay somewhere else for a few days." 

You shake your head, "no. No, absolutely not." 

He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. "Our kids don’t care about me." 

You scoff through your nose, "they do. How could you ever think otherwise?" Your chest puffs out with every breath you take, your vision blurs as tears pool in your water line. 

He cups your cheeks, "they're not going to warm up to me because they think I'm trying to replace their deadbeat dumbass of a father, or they think I’m gonna be exactly like him and leave. They’re not ready to trust me." 

"They know you’re not trying to replace him," you weakly argue. 

"You could be right, but they won't listen to you because you’re mom." 

You sniff, "please, don’t leave." 

"I'm doing this to save yours and the kids relationship." 

"You staying here and being a part of the kids’ lives hasn't changed that." 

"But it will." 

This is it. It feels like it’s the end of your relationship, but you know it’s not. You refuse to believe that you two won’t find your way back to one another and have a better improved relationship with yourself and the kids. His bag falls to the ground. 

-

You take a step forward and rest your head on his shoulder, silently crying into his shirt, bunching it in your clenched fists, "Jake…" 

He shushes you, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you closer. His hand finds its way up to its rightful resting place, cupping your cheek, "hey, look at me. Look at me please.” 

You lift your head up, with wet cheeks. 

His thumb sweeps across your cheek, wiping away your tears, “you know I love you, right?" 

You don’t think you’ve ever heard him sound so emotional (except for when he told you about his past and his family, the day he asked to marry you, when he repeated what you said about moving in, and the first time he said I love you). "Course I do.” You lean in closer, whispering, “I love you so much." 

It feels like you’re sharing a secret (which you are about Jake’s departure… from the kids for the time being). 

"I'll text you when I make it to my place." 

You nod, "okay." 

Jake leans down, kissing you, reminding you of how much he loves you. He takes a step back, one hand on your back as he leans over to grab his bag. 

You two stare at one another with tears in your eyes (yes, even Jake’s on the verge of crying- or maybe he already is but your own tear-filled eyes blur your vision, preventing you from seeing so). 

His hand slides off your back after he opens the door. He steps outside, feeling like a stranger on the porch of his own home. Jake tries to walk away before things could get even more depressing. 

You reach out, hand squeezing his bicep, silently pleading for him to stay. “Be careful?” 

The corner of his lips tug upward into a farewell cocky smirk, “always am, gorgeous. Always am.” 

You watch as he gets in his car and wave him off (breaking your hearts into a million pieces). 

Jake disappears from you view and you stand there for a few seconds, unwilling to move because if you do, you’ll be home alone… you’ll be alone. 

You close the door, resting your forehead on the wooden frame. Your shoulders shake as you struggle to keep your cries quiet. You raise your hand, covering your mouth; whimpers escape you before you can even try and stop them. 

As much as you don’t want to, you make your way to your bedroom. You swear you hear your heart break when you walk in. It doesn’t look like much has changed but you know if you open your dresser drawers and check the closet, his clothes won’t be there. You won’t be able to admire his uniform or shake your head at the way he organizes his sock and underwear drawer. 

You try to not to think about the little things you’ll miss while taking of your shoes. You lay down on your side, bending your legs, curling into yourself. 

After about an hour of laying down, you text Penny. 

SoonToBeMrs.S 

Hey Pen Sent Read 1:58pm 

PickaPenny 

Are you alright? You only say my name when something’s happened Sent Read 2:00pm 

SoonToBeMrs.S

All good here. Can you pick up Maryanne and Edwin? Sent Read 2:00pm 

PickaPenny

You got it. Sent Read 2:01pm 

PickaPenny typing… 

-

“What are you doing here?” 

Jake turns around, his shoulders sag, “needed a drink.” 

“Why am I getting a text from your fiancé about picking up the kids?” asks Penny. 

He gulps, “I- uh- I’m gonna be out of the house for a while.” 

“Oh, I didn’t hear you were deployed.” 

“I’m not.” 

The bar owner looks back at him after giving another customer her drink. “What did you do?” 

“I didn’t do anything.” 

“Did you break it off with her?” 

“No, God no. Penny I-” 

“You what?” 

“I’m doing this to save the family relationship.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“The kids don’t like me.” 

“I don’t think that’s true.” 

“They don’t listen to a thing I say and when I pick them up from school, they don’t talk to me.” 

“Have you tried talking to them?” 

“Of course, I have.” 

“No, no. Not ask them questions, talk to them about the whole situation?” 

“I’ve tried but they won’t put in the effort to listen. And, yeah, I know they’re kids and that’s how they are, but I want them to know that I’m not trying to replace their bio dad and I want them to stop thinking I’ll leave ‘em just like he did. I just- I can’t get through to them. And I’m not going to be the reason they hate their mom for marrying someone they don’t like. I grew up that way. My mom married someone we weren’t all huge fans of, and he didn’t care. He never tried to talk to us, not even after mom died.” 

“Jake-” 

He takes out his wallet, setting a few bills down. “Don’t tell her you saw me.” 

“Fine,” she sighs. “Can you at least tell me where you’re staying?” 

“I’ll be crashing on Coyote’s couch for a few days.” 

“And then?” He shrugs, “see you around Penny.”  

-

You open your eyes, glancing over your shoulder to see Penny standing there, and jolt. “Jeez!” 

“Sorry, hon. I tried to be gentle, but you wouldn’t budge.” 

You push yourself up, “sorry. I take it since you’re here, you picked the kids up?” 

“No, I left them to run the bar.” 

“You’ve been hanging out with Pete for too long. His- whatever is rubbing off on you.” 

She scoffs, “oh, please. If anything, it’s me making him less of an old man.” She sits down beside your legs, rubbing your knee in a comforting manner. “I saw him earlier.” 

You don’t say anything, your eyes shift downwards. 

“He looked really upset.” 

“Did he?” 

“He already misses you and the kids.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Don’t give me that fake “I don’t care attitude”. I know you’re upset he’s gone but it’s not like you won’t see him. He just doesn’t want to come between you, Maryanne, or Edwin but he still cares about all of you and wants to help out.” 

You wrap your arms around your abdomen, “I know that.” 

“Why can’t you two talk it out?” 

“I’ve tried to have us talk but no one wants to listen.” 

“Okay, okay. Breathe.” 

“I am but- it’s all gotten so complicated.”

-

Penny leaves before dinner time. 

You finish preparing their plates, setting them on the dining table. “You two start eating, I’ve got to make sure my makeshift office space is ready after dinner.” 

“Where’s Jake? We always have dinner together,” says Edwin. 

You freeze, handing the two their utensils. “Oh- um- he’s got- he got caught up with work and won’t be here for a little while.” 

“Is he gonna be, okay?” Maryanne asks. 

You slowly stand up, giving them a sad smile, “yeah, yeah, he is.” You exit the kitchen. 

-

“Is mama not gonna eat with us since Jake’s gone?” Edwin asks his sister. 

“I don’t know, Eddie. I don’t like this.” 

“Same.” 

“After dinner we can watch a movie. Maybe mama won’t be so busy.” 

He nods, “okay.” 

“Go pick a movie.” Maryanne pushes her brother towards the living room and realizes what she said. “No Ice Age!” 

“Ice Age is a good movie!” 

-

A knock on your door gets you moving faster, you pat your face dry, hoping the bloodshot look will go away soon. “Come in, Maryanne.” 

“How did you know it was me?” 

“You and your brother have very different knocks.” 

“Obviously if you can tell who’s who when we knock. Do you want- were you crying?” 

“No, what makes you say that?” 

“Your eyes are puffy. Is it because of Jake? Did he make you cry?” 

You chuckle, “no, sweetheart.” 

“Well, then where is he?” 

“I told you; he has a few work things he needs to do.”

“If he’s leaving like dad just tell me, I can handle it.” 

You swoop her into a hug after seeing the way her bottom lip quivers. You take a step back, sitting on the edge of your bed. “No, no, no. He’s not leaving. He’s just- he doesn’t want to- he says he wants us to have a better relationship with one another.” 

“We already do.” 

“You think so?” 

She nods. 

You sweep the hair covering her eyes out of her way, “what do you think of him?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you like him?” 

“I… yeah.” 

“Do you not like, Jake?” 

“He’s nice and tries...” 

“Can I ask you why you two are hesitant on letting him into our life?” 

She doesn’t say anything. 

“Do you think he’s gonna be like your dad?” 

“I don’t want him to leave,” says Edwin from your bedroom door. 

You open your other arm, giving him room to squeeze in. “Did you like him?” 

“We both do.” 

“Eddie!” 

“I’m tired of you not telling mama what you mean. We both like him.” 

“You do?” 

He nods, “uh-huh. But we don’t want him to be like dad.” 

“Oh, he wouldn’t-” 

“Where is he now?” 

“...He’s giving us space because he thinks you don’t like him.” 

“We do!” He bounces around, “we do! Call him. Make him come home.” 

“We can’t make him come home, if he doesn’t want to,” Maryanne points out. “Can we call him tomorrow?” 

“We’ll see.” 

“Can we watch Ice Age now?” You chuckle, “I’m not leaving you alone with Jake again. He’s corrupted your movie likes and dislikes.” 

The kids run out of your room. 

You change into something a little comfier before exiting the room. 

Maybe there is light at the end of this tunnel. 

-

Edwin was the first to fall asleep, you went out next, leaving your little girl to be the sole survivor. 

She grabs her phone off the side table, going to her camera app. She angles herself closer and takes a selfie with the three of you. 

LittleDarlin 

*image* Miss you Sent Read 8:39pm. 

Jake puts his shirt on, checking his phone before winding down for bed. His heart starts to race a little when he sees it’s from his little girl. He opens the message and his heart melts. 

SouthernSavior 

Miss you too, darlin Sent Read 8:41pm. 

Shouldn’t you be asleep? Sent Read 8:42pm. 

LittleDarlin

Eddie put Ice Age on Sent Read 8:42pm. 

SouthernSavior

 Not a good excuse. Go to bed Sent Read 8:43pm. 

LittleDarlin typing… Can you come home? Deleted 

LittleDarlin

Night Jake Sent Read 8:45pm. 

SouthernSavior 

Night darlin Sent Read 8:45pm. 

Before Jake turns his phone off and puts it on the charger, he sets the photo as his lockscreen. 

-

Three days later…

A knock on the front door alerts you. 

You’re confused until you realize it’s a school day and pop out of bed, running out of your room. You check their rooms, finding neither of them there. “Not in the living room or kitchen,” you gasp. “The kitchen.” 

-

You run in, seeing your kids putting their dishes in the sink. “Was no one going to wake me up?” 

“You know Jake takes us to school,” Maryanne argues. 

“He does but with everything that’s going on, I didn’t know what we were gonna do.” 

“I’m still on school duty.” 

You scream, jumping just about ten feet in the air. You bring your hand up, placing it on your chest, “don’t. Do. That.” 

“I have to get your heart pumping somehow,” he answers you with that damn cocky smirk you’ve grown to love. 

“Yeah, and I can send you to work with a foot up your a-s-s.” 

“We can spell,” your daughters chimes in. 

“Pretend you can’t.” 

“Come on, d- Jake. Let’s go before we’re late.” 

The two try to walk past you, until you clear your throat. 

“What?” 

“Hug your mother, kids,” he says, standing beside you. 

Edwin rolls his eyes and sighs in a joking way before launching himself into your arms. 

Maryanne walks over to give you a quick hug before dragging her brother outside behind her. 

-

Jake hesitates to place his hand on your lower back. 

You turn, almost automatically curling into him. “Hey there, sailor.” 

“Still not a sailor but, hello to you too, gorgeous.” 

“Can we talk later?” 

“Is it a good talk or a bad talk?” 

“Depends, are you gonna listen to me or not?” 

“When don’t I listen to you?” 

You arch your brow. 

“Fine, I’ll listen.” He walks to the door when you remember something. 

“Oh, wait! Edwin has early day today.” 

“What time?” 

“Like Thursday.” 

He quietly groans to himself, “I won’t be able to pick him up.” 

“It’s okay. I planned on picking him up anyway. I just wanted you to know so you’re not sitting and waiting at the school for too long.” 

“Are you always this thoughtful?” 

There it is again. You give him a sarcastic smile, “are you always a pain in my ass?” 

“I’d like to think otherwise.” 

“In other words, yes.” 

“If that’s what you want to call me then fine.” 

A car honk alerts the two of you. 

“I gotta go. I’ll see you later, yeah?” 

“You can count on it. Bye, Jake.” You lean up and peck him on the lips. You aim to head back into the kitchen when you’re pulled back. 

He cups your cheek, pulling you closer, “is this, okay?” 

“I’d say it’s more than okay.” 

The corner of his mouth tugs upwards, “knew you could never resist me.” 

“Shut up and kiss me.” 

“Yes ma’am.” His other hand wraps around your waist, bringing you closer to him. 

You place your hands on his arms, one hand slides along his shoulders, stopping at the base of his neck. You scratch the back of his neck near the edge of his hairline. 

He slightly shivers pulling back; he pecks your pink, wet, and swollen lips. “I gotta go drop them off,” his voice comes out hoarse and quiet. 

You nod, “mmhmm.” 

“You can kiss later! We’ve gotta go or we’ll be late!” 

You cover your mouth, hiding your laughter. “You heard the girl.” 

“Hey, I didn’t start this whole thing.” 

“Neither did I.” 

“Let’s call it a truce and you go take the kids to school.” 

“I’ll see you later.” 

“Bye, hon.” 

“Bye, gorgeous.” 

-

You and Edwin do his homework before you put on a movie (yes, Ice Age) for him. You turn your head to see the mess in the backyard. 

You sigh, getting up off the couch to clean it up. You were doing good, making a lot of progress until you didn’t. 

You fall, landing on your shoulder. You know you’re screwed, the pain radiating in your arm is too much, but you can’t freak out because your baby boy will freak out which won’t solve anything. 

You push yourself off the ground (with great difficulty) and enter the house. 

“Eds,” you whisper, sitting beside him with your arm close to you. 

“Yeah?” he asks, slightly distracted by the movie. 

“Can you call Aunt Penny for me and hold the phone to my ear?” 

“Why?” 

“I fell.” 

“Are you okay?!” 

You shush him, “breathe, sweetheart. Breathe.” 

“Where’s your phone? Where’s your phone?” 

“Look at the table beside you.” 

“Okay, Penny… Penny… Aunt Penny? Mom wants to talk to you.” He holds the phone against your ear. 

“Pen? Hey… can you come over and drive me to the emergency room? I fell and broke something.”  

-

Jake rushes into the emergency center, frantically searching for you with Maryanne holding his left hand. He stops when he sees Penny waving, letting him know where you and Edwin are. 

He rushes over to the two of you while the poor little girl is being yanked over to your bed. He makes sure Maryanne can hold your hand and get close to you before he sets his hand on top of your head. “Are you okay?” 

“I will be if I can get out of here.” 

He checks over you, stopping when he sees your arm resting across your stomach, “what happened?” 

“I was in the backyard cleaning up-” 

“I told you I would do it.” 

“Yeah, and that was before you…” you trail off unsure of how to say it without making it sound mean, ‘before you left,’ yeah, not the nicest thing to say ever. 

“You could have called me. No, you should have called me.” 

You open your mouth to respond when Penny moves the kids away from the bed, having them sit in the seats (she grabbed earlier) giving you two more room to talk. 

He reaches down for your hand without looking, letting you squeeze his hand, knowing you aren’t taking any of the morphine or other pain medication (because you don’t like how you feel afterwards). He leans down, letting you turn your head into his chest, “why didn’t you call me?” 

“I didn’t know.” 

“Didn’t know what?” 

You look up at him through your wet lashes, blinking repeatedly so you can see him. “I didn’t know how we were. After this morning-” 

“Hey, hey.” He brushes the few loose strands that cover your face back, “we are never gonna change.” He pecks your forehead before turning around. 

-

He takes a step closer to Penny, whispering, “can you take them somewhere else? Ice cream? Hospital cafeteria? Wherever. I don’t want them to see their mom in anymore pain. I know, Eddie is gonna have a hard time when we get home but I’m not letting them see any more of this.” He pulls out his wallet. 

She places her hands on his stopping him, “you don’t need to do that. I’ve got it besides I’ve been wanting to show them a few shells I found the other day.” 

He lets out a breath of relief, “thank you.” 

“You can thank me by taking care of your wife.” She turns around, facing the two. “Come on, kids. We’re gonna go back to Aunt Penny’s place and look at the few seashells I found, and we can prank Pete. How’s that sound?” 

“We don’t want to leave our mom, Aunt Penny,” Maryanne whispers to the older woman. 

“I know but Jake thinks it would be smart if you two aren’t stuck in the emergency center for hours.” 

The young girl glances over at the two of you, watching how Jake is consoling you and trying to distract you from the pain. She looks back at Penny and nods, “okay. Can we text Jake and ask him when we can go home?” 

“Of course, we can,” she holds her hands out for the two to hold. 

Maryanne looks back to see nothing but love between the two of you. Maybe she was wrong, maybe Jake won’t be like her dad. 

He came just seconds after Penny called him and made sure that both of them could see and touch you. 

She feels bad for how she’s been treating him and knows what she needs to do.

-

“You should have called me,” he whispers into your hair. 

“I wanted to.” 

“Why didn’t you? You know I would have been there in a second. Well, maybe not a second but,” he smirks but you can see the worry on his face. 

You scoff, rolling your eyes, “don’t make me hit you.” 

He hums, “it seems to me like you can’t.” 

“I can do other things.” 

“Oh, yeah. Like what?” 

“Well, if I tell you then it won’t be a surprise.” 

He sticks his bottom lip out, “come on, you know you want to tell me.” 

“No, I really don’t.”

-

Jake hasn’t removed his arm from around your waist since you were released (after texting Penny). 

“You can let go now.” 

“I gotta make sure my girl is taken care of.” 

“You are by making sure I can get to my car.” 

“That was never the plan because that’s a, dangerous and b, penny took your car remember. Seems like you’re stuck with me, gorgeous.” 

“Jake,” you start, ready to complain. 

“No, no. Don’t give me that attitude. I’m making sure you get home back to the kids safely. End of story.” 

You say nothing as he opens the door for you, letting you take your time getting the car. 

Once your seated, he helps you with your seatbelt before running to the back, grabbing a pillow to place under your arm (that’s in a secure sling) but that doesn’t stop him. 

The drive back to the house was quiet, at least, between the two of you, there was music softly playing filling some of the silence.

-

He jogs around to the other side of car, opening the door. He reaches in to unbuckle the seatbelt. 

You scoot to the edge of the seat, swinging your legs out of the car. Jake holds his hand out for you to take. You slap your hand on his, “I’m gonna need a little help getting out. Take the pillow, first.” 

He carefully removes the pillow, tossing it to the driver’s seat. He lets you push yourself out before he wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. 

You take a deep breath, staring at his collarbone (since your eye level with it), your eyes slowly trail up his neck, past his jawline and cheekbone. 

It feels like you’ve lost your breath as you stare into his eyes, reminding you of when you two first started dating. 

He moves your hand onto his shoulder before sliding his other arm to your waist, pulling you closer to hug you. He rests his head on your shoulder before tucking his head into the crook of your neck. 

You slide your hand across his shoulder, stopping at his neck, brushing your thumb vertically against the base of his hair, feeling the top of his spinal cord. 

The two of you wet the others shoulder with your salty, relief ridden tears. 

He pulls back, staring at you without wiping his cheeks. 

You reach up and wipe away his tears. 

He does the same for you. “Let’s get you inside, yeah?” He removes one arm to close the car door, locking it right after. 

-

He unlocks the front door, gently shoving you inside, following after you. 

You let out a quiet breath of relief, you were scared he was going to leave after hugging you. 

The kids run out of the living room, stopping in front of you. 

You bend down, letting them hug your good side with Jake telling them to be careful and not tug your neck. 

Maryanne steps away from you, telling Jake to bend down. She wraps her arms around his neck, giving him a hug. 

Edwin does the same. 

You wipe your cheeks, not wanting to cry even though this is what you’ve been waiting for.

-

Three months later...

Maryanne stands in front of you, “mama?” 

“Yeah, baby?” You turn to look at her, seeing how she looks down at the ground. You furrow your brows, “what’s wrong? Are you feeling, okay?” You place the back of your hand on her forehead. She pulls your hand away from her forehead and shakes her head. “Did you break something?” 

“No... I want to do something for Jake.” 

You nod, smiling (happy to know no one’s hurt or sick). “Okay, like what?” 

“I- we want to do something for him for… Father’s Day.” 

The smile slowly falls from your face, “oh,” you gulp. “Did you two have something in mind? And know that just because we’re getting married doesn’t mean that you have to do anything. I know we’ve had a hard time adjusting with one another,” you move the few strands of hair that fell off her face. “He would be happy with anything whether we do something or not.” 

She pouts, “I know but we want him to know that we like him and- and that we want him to be our dad.” 

“And how do you plan on doing that?” 

“Can he adopt us?” 

You lift your hand up, covering your mouth, shocked at her surprising request. 

“Mama?” 

You shake your head, blinking your eyes rapidly to prevent the tears from falling. You wrap your arms around her shoulders pulling her in for a tight hug. “Oh, my sweet girl.” You detach yourself from her, holding her by her shoulders, “that is more than okay, sweetheart. And you’re sure this is something you and Edwin want?” 

She nods as a smile tugs at the corners of her lips. 

“We should start now if we want it ready by then huh?”

-

The wedding was a small one with only Jake’s fellow pilots, WSO’s, and other navy members invited. You both invited his sister, but she was pregnant with baby number four and was unable to fly over.

She was kind enough to call and say that she and her husband would drive over, but it’d take too long for them to arrive. You assured her that it was okay, and she would be missed (you were so close to getting to hear embarrassing stories about pre-pilot Jake).

You didn’t let Jake see you before the wedding (much to his displeasure).

You walk down the aisle with Penny and Amelia walking you down the aisle. When you asked the girls, it easily became one of the most emotional moments when it came to planning the wedding, but you have no regrets (even if the few photos of you three walking down the aisle were of the Benjamin girls crying the entire time).

It was something else when you two were married by Pete.

And, of course, Maryanne was the most adorable flower girl ever making sure used all the petals in her basket and Edwin was a handsome ring bearer.

Thank God you didn’t assign anyone with this task because when Mickey and Logan were asking you a while ago, they showed you the website where you could rent a bear. Of course, this was a joke… you hoped anyway but they did redeem themselves by helping out with all the guy’s suits (after giving them the “mom” look).

Almost everyone- that’s a lie, everyone was crying, no matter how hard you tried not to, you did.

The water works got worse when Jake gave his vows. The man may be cocky as hell, but the man knows when to put his heart and soul into something.

-

Jake could barely keep his hands to himself when Pete said, “you may now kiss the bride.”

“More like devour the bride,” Bradley mutters. Jake pulls back, needing air, knowing you need the same.

“Can it chicken, you’re just jealous.”

The mustache man scoffs, prepared to say something else when Javy pulls him off to the side, handing him a drink. “To the happy couple!”

Javy and Bradley are the first to raise a glass. “To the happy couple!”

-

“To my stunning and gorgeous wife,” he whispers in your ear.

“And to my charmingly cocky husband.”

“I see how it is. I compliment you and you insult me.”

“It’s all part of my charm.”

“You weren’t this mean when we first started going out.”

“I didn’t want to show you my dark side.”

“Sure, you didn’t.”

“Okay, enough you two,” Penny takes your drinks from you two, “it’s time for the first dance.”

You let out a dramatic sigh, “if we must.”

“Prepare to have your heels knocked off your feet.”

You place your hand on his shoulder, “play on the usual phrase, I see you’ve been studying with Edwin.”

He smirks, “’course I have. I wanted to impress you.”

“Oh,” you chuckle, “impress me? I see.”

“No more talking, more dancing.”

-

The song ends and you feel light tugging and look down to find your babies standing there.

“Looks like it’s time for family’s first dance,” DJ Bob announces, adding airhorns.

“I’m never letting baby on board DJ for us again.”

“Oh, c’mon, he’s doing good. Leave him be,” you tell your husband.

“This is a special request coming from the shortest guy here this evening and no, I’m not talking about Fanboy.”

Reuben, Natasha, and Billy cover their mouths to prevent them from spitting out their drinks.

Pete, Penny, Amelia, and Callie shake their heads.

Logan and Bradley shake their heads.

Javy and Bringham hold Mickey back from going after a power-hungry DJ Bob and Neil grabs the camera before the photographer of the evening, can drop it.

An Ice Age remix comes through the speakers and you three look down at Edwin, who innocently shrugs, “what?”

You and Jake glance back at one another and shake your heads, dancing until your feet begin to hurt.

-

Javy and Bob help back the car with wedding presents while Jake puts the kids in the back, letting them get comfortable and fall asleep.

-

“Thank you, boys.” 

Javy gives you a rare, sweet smile, “anything for the newly Mrs. Seresin.”

Your lips quickly tug into an upward smile, “I haven’t heard that yet.”

“It feel weird?” “You know what? It doesn’t.”

“What doesn’t?” The man of the hour asks.

“Nothing.”

“And… we’re done. You two ready to go?” Bob interrupts.

“We are. Are one of you driving the car back to our place?”

“No, we’re gonna leave it here for the racoons to rip open and bring to you later tomorrow.”

“Just because you’re Jake’s friend, doesn’t mean that I won’t hesitate to kick your ass, Machado.”

Your husband wraps an arm around your waist pulling you back, “okay and that’s enough excitement for one day.”

“We’ll see you two there.”

Bob waves to you with his usual, adorable smile dancing across his lips.

-

You wave back before Jake holds you against the passenger door. “How do you feel?”

“Like I’m walking on air, husband of mine.”

“Glad to know I’m not the only one. Let’s go home.”  

-

The day after the wedding…

You and Jake sit beside one another on the couch, looking through your wedding album, taking a break from opening presets.

“Aw,” you point to the photo Maryanne sent him a while ago. “When did we take this?”

“Our little darlin’ sent me this when we were- uh-” Jake scratches the back of his head, “away from each other.”

“Oh… why didn’t you ever show me this? Send it to me.”

“Can I never have a cute family photo for myself?”

You sigh, “I suppose you can.”

He shakes his head, “don’t you be trying to guilt trip me now, gorgeous.”

“Me? Guilt trip you, never.” You flip to another page, “wow!”

“Guess the kid is as good with a camera on the ground like he is in the air.”

“Yeah, I’ll say. We are so using him for the kid’s birthdays.”

You can feel the vibrations of him chuckling behind you.

“Guess that means we save a few bucks.”

“Don’t tell me now that we’re married, you’re going cheap on me.”

He scoffs, “never… I just didn’t expect Fanboy to be so good.”

“Wow, no wonder he was hesitant to ask me.” You shake your head, setting the album on the table and see the last gift on the table is the big one. “This one is from the kids, but we have to wait until they wake up.”

“What?” Jake whines.

“Please,” you plead.

“Fine, fine. Stop giving me those “sex” eyes.”

You scoff, “I am not giving you “sex” eyes. If anyone is giving those eyes, it’s you.”

“Wow!”

“I know, it sucks when your words come back to bite you in the ass, right?”

“I know something else that can bite you in the ass.”

“God! We just got married and it’s like you’ve become ten times hornier within twenty-four hours.”

“You just have that effect on me, gorgeous.”

-

“Did he open it yet?” Maryanne asks, scaring the shit out of you two.

You and Jake scream, the latter lets out an oof. “What happened? Are you okay?”

He shakes his head, holding his stomach, “no.”

You cringe, realizing what you did. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry, are you okay?”

“My poor, beautiful abs.”

You scoff, smacking his arm, “you’re fine.” You turn to look at the kids, “and no he did not. I wanted you two to be here with us.”

They run over to the couch, sitting on each side of him.

You grab the rectangular, thin box, handing it to him.

“You not gonna help me with this one?”

You shake your head, trying to hide your smile, “no, this one’s all you, honey.”

He narrows his eyes at you before looking back at the gift, ripping the gift open. He tosses the box to the side, holding a large manilla envelope. He stares at it with furrowed brows, “what-”

“Just open it,” you tell him.

He carefully opens it, pulling out the document. He starts to read it, “what-” his voice cracks. Jake scoots forward, setting everything on the coffee table so he can cover his eyes.

“Aw, honey,” you start.

The kids stare at you with wide eyes, unsure if this is a good reaction or not. They scoot off the couch, standing in front of him, wrapping their arms around his shoulders.

He returns the gesture. “I know we had a hard time gettin to know each other in the beginning,” he lifts his head, staring back and forth between the two, “but did you two really have to make a grown man cry?”

“We made you cry?” Your daughter asks.

“You should have been worried if I didn’t cry.”

“Fair point.”

You rub the back of his shoulder.

He looks back at you, “how long have you known about this?”

“Too long. I’m just happy your late/ early Father’s Day gift finally made its way to you."

“This is a- okay, new rule, give the old man a little warning so I have time to prepare myself.”

“Nah,” you shake your head, “this is better. We get the raw emotions.”

“Shut up,” he shoves your thigh.

You smile, leaning back against the couch.

“Let’s a movie… not Ice Age,” he pulls Edwin closer, “whispering”, “we’ll watch it when the girls aren’t here.”

The young boy nods, giggling, “okay.”

Maryanne settles in on your side with Jake on your left, an arm wrapped around your shoulders and Edwin on his left.

“Oh, wait. We need popcorn,” says your daughter.

“Let’s go.” Edwin pulls her into the kitchen, preparing the movie snacks.

-

He pulls you closer. 

“I told you they like you.”

He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, “okay, maybe you were right.”

“I was so right, darlin.”

“Look at you trying to copy my accent.”

“Honey, I pull that accent off better than you.”

“Oh, is that how we’re playing it?”

“You bet.”

“How about we cut this competition short?”

“Oh, yeah. How’s that-”

He cups your cheek, pulling you in for a kiss.

“We’re done- ew!”

You can’t help but smile as you two part from one another.

“Alright, kids. Settle in,” he tells them.

They return to their previous seats.

You rest your head against his shoulder.

This is exactly how you pictured it, the family life with Jake.  

-

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TGTBATWOI Master List

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Taglist: @abaker74​ @ebonyhogan24 @shanimallina87 @starkleila​ @kurtkunkle17

[sadhours]

Wicked Sensation

part eleven // billy hargrove x reader

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven | part twelve | part thirteen | part fourteen | part fifteen | part sixteen | part seventeen

a/n: i am sorry in advance.

word count: 6.4k

warnings: 18+ minors dni, homophobia, smut, dirty talk, rough sex, body fluids, mentions of death, cheating.

taglist(i love you all): @blue-eyed-lion @bbyhargrove @briefmongerfishzonk-blog @sweet-villain @actuallyspencerreid @trapistani

Wearing your brand new hot pink convertible strap swim suit underwear a pair of denim shorts, you grab your sandals and head into the kitchen to be greeted by your dad and brother. They’re making sandwiches for their day at the lake, fishing gear lined up by the door.

“Since when did you become such a fan of swimming?” your dad asks, packing the lunchbox on the counter.

“Since her boyfriend started working as a lifeguard,” your brother chimes.

It was true, before Billy got the job at Hawkin’s Community Pool you’d only swim when visiting your family in Florida. Now, whenever you had a day off from work when Billy didn’t, you were at the pool. He just looked so in his element there, he was a very impressive swimmer and you’d been lucky enough to catch him teaching the smaller kids lessons. Which had you imagining having a family with him one day, when before you’d been pretty dead set on never having kids.

“God forbid I want to see my boyfriend,” you roll your eyes.

Honk, Honk.

“Oh, Steve’s here,” you smile, grabbing your bag from the kitchen table and waving goodbye.

You’d asked Steve to come because you didn’t want to just sit by yourself and Eddie wouldn’t be caught dead there. Plus, Steve was trying to date and there were plenty of ladies lounging around so you knew he didn’t mind. Walking out to his BMW, you catch Neil washing his car across the seat and hope he doesn’t think something else is going on with you and Steve. He looks to you and you wave, “Going to visit Billy and bring him some lunch!”

Neil replies with a nod and continues spraying down his car. You plunge into the front seat with a sigh, Steve pulling away from the sidewalk and making the short drive to the pool.

“You gotta tell his dad what you’re doing?” Steve asks, sunglasses pushed up to the bridge of his nose.

You shake your head and check your hair in the mirror, “I just didn’t want him to think I was off cheating on his son.”

“Oh like men and women can’t be friends,” Steve counters.

“That’s what his dad thinks,” you admit and close the visor back up.

Steve finds you guys a spot, luckily where Billy’s post is in view. He looks absolutely irresistible in his tiny red shorts and they left little to the imagination. Your eye rake over his thighs and muscular chest, feeling yourself start to get wet just at the sight of him.

“You’re drooling,” Steve deadpans and you quickly lift your hand up to your mouth to find he wasn’t lying.

“Fuck,” you suck in, reaching in your bag and pulling out your pack of smokes.

“Jesus Christ,” Steve laughs, sitting up straighter, “As much as of prick he is I gotta admit, I’m impressed.”

Exhaling the needed smoke, you tilt your head at Steve, “Impressed with what?”

Steve motions to you and then to the row of housewives sprawled along the pool, “How he can do this and that to women. Meanwhile, I can’t even get a phone number.”

You eye the women, raising an eyebrow at Karen Wheeler putting herself on display for your boyfriend. You snort, “They all have a kid his age.”

“Hey, you’re basically a puddle at the sight of him too,” Steve points out.

“That’s so different, I’m only two months older than him and also I’ve actually seen what’s underneath those shorts,” you reason with a proud smirk.

Steve cringes, “Okay, gross. But still I don’t get it, is he just that hot? Am I not hot?”

You laugh, “You’re hot, Steve.”

“Oh,” Steve says likes just realizing something, “it’s because it’s an asshole.”

Rolling your eyes as you ash your cigarette, you don’t even want to justify Steve with an answer. When you see Billy starting to make his descent from his post, you stand up and push your shorts down your thighs and shove them into your bag before sitting back down, releasing the clip from your hair to let the natural waves fall around your shoulders.

You sat back down as you hear Steve mumble, “Pathetic.”

“When you’re getting laid again, I’ll consider your input,” you bite back with a sickeningly sweet smile.

“Ouch,” Steve gasps but you ignore him once Billy’s stepping up to you two.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he snatches the cigarette from you and glances to Steve, “King Steve.”

“Hargrove,” Steve grumbles and turns his attention elsewhere.

You turn your sweet smile to your boyfriend, “Hi, baby. How’s your day been?”

“Yelling at kids is fun,” he shrugs, sitting on the end of the lounge. “Got a lot better when I saw you.”

You lean up to peck his lips, hoping the housewives are watching. “I brought you some lunch,” you say and grin.

Billy rubs your thigh and smiles, “I’m starving.”

He’s so handsome, you think as your eyes scan his face and linger on his button nose. His skin has taken the sun nicely, a golden tan aiding in his beauty though it’s a stark contrast against your pale tone. Billy doesn’t mind though, it shows when he grins excitedly at the red marks he’s been leaving on your ass for months.

“Me too,” you say but you don’t mean it like he does.

“My lunch is an hour,” he informs you before teasing, “Think you can behave yourself until then?”

“Yes, sir,” you say meekly.

He hands the cigarette back after leaning in to kiss you a lot hungrier this time. He’s strutting off before you can catch your breath.

“That was almost vomit inducing,” Steve complains, turning his head to you. “Yes, sir?”

You laugh, feeling the heat start to diminish between your legs. “Sorry.”

Billy’s motioning you to follow him an hour later. You turn to Steve, “Go talk to a woman for God’s sake.” before you hop to your feet to follow the red shorts you can’t take your eyes off.

As you and Billy enter the break room, he glares to his male coworkers lazing around in there.

“Get back to work,” he demands and they jump up immediately, exiting the room and Billy locks the door behind him. The sound of the lock has your breath caught in your throat and you’re eager to see what he’s planned. He grabs you roughly, picking you up and dropping you onto the table. He’s at his knees in an instant, pulling your swimsuit down to your ankles. The power he has is intoxicating. The way the boys hurried out of the room at his command brought such a intense pressure to the bottom of your stomach, you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

“Such a whore, you are,” he drones between your legs, pushing them apart with his head. “Wearing this hot little number, bringing Harrington with you.”

His words are laced with venom and you feel your wetness seeping out, so close to his lips you wondered if he could tell. He sloppily kisses your thigh, his broad tongue feeling so lovely on the sensitive skin.

“Huh? You like teasing me? You love pushing my buttons and making me have no other choice but to fuck you senseless while I’m at work?” his voice is so low, it’s like music to your ears.

He slaps your thigh then, “Come on, babe, I’m not talking to an empty room, am I?”

You just whimper, unable to form a single thought as you feel his breath against your soaking pussy.

“Big girl words, now,” he warns, fingers digging into your thigh.

You gasp out, “No, Billy.”

“No?” he laughs between your legs and it’s so cruel, “Not only are you a slut but you’re a liar?”

“M’not lying,” you whine, feeling as he drags his fingertips through your folds.

“Then why are you so wet?” he hums.

You rock your hips against his touch, trying to get him to get a move on with things. You’re desperate but you’ve got some dignity, you won’t make this too easy for him.

“Answer me,” he stills his fingers and holds your hips against the table.

“Uh-uh,” you shake your head, writhing against his grip.

Billy gasps, standing up and slapping you across the face. He then grabs your jaw in his hand and squeezes your cheeks together.

He sings your name lowly, “Don’t lie.”

You whimper, seeing the way he’s straining against his teensy uniform, you think he might burst through the flimsy material.

“Fine,” you huff, “I love teasing you. I love pushing your buttons.”

“Why?” he voice is firm, serious and certain. It brings a electric jolt to your pussy and you squirm under him.

Your voice is shaky as you admit, “Because I want you to fuck me.”

He seems pleased, staring at your face under thick eyelashes with a devious smirk spreading against his lips. “You were thinking about taking my cock when he drove you here, huh?”

“Billy,” you whine out, your tip toes firmly pressed into the concrete floor.

He lets go of your face, bringing his hand to your breasts and squeezing on in his thick fingers. “You were,” he chuckles, before slapping the tit that was in his hand.

“Would you just shut up and fuck me already?” you beg, ears hot when you hear the anger in your voice.

“Brat,” he insults, but he’s pulling his shorts down to his thighs and his gorgeous, thick cock springs out. The tip is red and you can see precum leaking from it. It only makes you more impatient and you bring your feet up to the table, opening up for him even more.

“Little slut,” he coos, dragging his fingers through your glistening folds. He smears your slick on the tip of his erection before drilling it into your eager hole. You cry out and his hand grabs your mouth, muffling the sound halfway. He plows into you, his hips reckless as he gives you no time to adjust to his size.

“Billy,” you moan against his hand and it only drives him more wild. Pressing his other hand on your pubic bone while he unleashes vigorous thrusts into your heat.

You’ve never in your life felt like this during sex, he was so expertly talented with making you fall apart. He knew exactly what you wanted and when you wanted. He was also selfish, taking what he needed from you. You didn’t mind feeling absolutely used during these moments because he was so blissfully sweet when necessary. He somehow knew exactly what you needed, exactly what would turn you into a mess under his touch. It was almost supernatural.

“Good girl,” he grunts, “Look at your pussy taking my cock so God damn eagerly. You just need it so fucking bad, don’t you?”

You peer between you, watching as your pussy swallows his cock. You can feel how you’re gripping it hungrily whenever he pulls his cock back. You’d throw an absolute tantrum if he pulled it all the way out.

You groan loudly against his hand, his filthy words dragging you closer to bliss. He brings his blue eyes to yours, holding his gaze intensely. You can’t look away, you knew he’d take this all away from you if he did. His fingers move down to brush against your clit before rubbing firm circles against it and you feel your eyes cross as you struggle to maintain eye contact. He seems to like that, laughing softly as he picks up the pace of his thrusts.

“Look at you,” he coos, “So fucking dumb off my dick.”

The words pushed you over the edge, shaking against him while your orgasm thrashes through you. He was so overwhelmingly everything you wanted. He pulls back before giving you time to come down, pulling out of you, “On your knees.”

You obey, still feeling the waves of pleasure coursing through you while you fall to your knees on the concrete floor. Without having to be told to, you open your mouth and stick your tongue out. He makes a pathetic noise as he unloads on your face, completely missing the platform you’ve given him. You giggle as you feel him smear his cum all over your face, barely tasting his completion on his palm.

“You’re such a slut,” he breathes as he scans the room, looking for something to really clean you up with.

You keep your eyes closed, not wanting his cum to get in them. You’re relatively sure he’s wiped it from there but you don’t wanna risk it. Luckily, he throws what feels like towel on your face. You accept it, cleaning up his mess and dropping the towel, looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes.

“And all for you,” you counter, rising up and pulling your swimsuit over your sweaty body with the motion.

“I’m the luckiest fucker in the world,” he mumbles as he looks at the clock on the wall. He’s got fifteen minutes to eat the lunch you’d brought him.

As if reading his mind, you grab your bag and pull out the ziploc bag. He grins, sinking his teeth into it with a grateful look. You giggle as you rub his stomach, pulling his shorts up for him.

Billy says something but his mouth is full and you can’t understand him. You tilt your head as you watch him swallow.

“My dad wants you to come to dinner tonight,” he repeats and you nod, knowing you’ll have to have Steve take a detour at the mall. He’d seen you in the pink dress the past three dinners. It might be weird if you don’t start changing it up.

You nod and Billy offers you a bite of the sandwich. You accept, fingers grazing across his wrist while you bite it. He looks so satisfied you start to feel another wave of excitement course through you but you shove it down. He had to get back to work but you knew Billy was more than capable of a round two.

“Maybe we can go for a movie or something after,” you suggest, rubbing your hand against your boyfriends bicep as you watch him eat. The way he looks so cute miles away from the filthy words and actions falling from him just minutes before.

“Mm,” Billy hums happily as he looks up at you, “The drive-in.”

“St. Elmo’s Fire!” you squeal.

“Uh-uh,” Billy takes another bite of the sandwich, “Day of the Dead.”

You roll your eyes, knowing whatever you two saw didn’t matter because you’d end up in the back of the Camaro where neither of you would be paying attention. He finishes his sandwich and pats your bum before unlocking the door and walking out, you following him closely behind. Billy stops where you’d been lounging before his break, not caring that Steve is there as he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you into a heated kiss, licking into your mouth sinfully as his hands move down to grope your ass.

“See you for dinner,” he winks before getting back to work.

You hear Steve groan as you lay back on the chair, “Why don’t you two just record it and send it to every person in Hawkins?”

“Struck out, did ya?” you quip as you light up a smoke.

-

You’d bought three dresses today but the one you settle on is a simple spaghetti strap number that had a floral design resembling wallpaper. You’d styled your hair up in a ponytail, adorning your necklace with Billy’s initial for the first time in front of Neil. You’d also bought an apple crumble at the store and had transferred it to some of Mary’s Tupperware so you could pass it off as something you’d made.

Billy answers the door when you knock, leaning against its frame while he looks you up and down. “Mm, my little stepford wife looks so ravishing,” he purrs and you widen your eyes.

You know it’s gonna be a long dinner based on that, he’s gonna tease you all night. You push past him, casually saying hello to Susan in the kitchen but you don’t see any sign of her cooking. You look to Billy curiously.

“We’re going out,” he clarifies, “then after, you and I can go to the movies.”

Oh, you’d actually be seen in public like this. Which bugged you endlessly, but you look to Billy to try and rationalize why you were still upholding the charade. His smile makes you forget all about it, he laces his fingers with yours and pulls you close to him. You think he might kiss you and your cheeks flush, he was never affectionate around his dad or Susan, you didn’t think he could be.

“Who was that kid picking you up today?” Neil’s voice bellows, Billy drops your hand and steps backwards.

“Oh, that’s Steve, he’s a friend,” you say, innocently.

Neil looks at you a little intensely, making your skin crawl, “A friend?”

“He’s gay,” Billy says, a pointed look at you as a silent way to tell you to go along with it.

“And how would you know that?” Neil asks his son to which Billy replies with a scoff.

“Everyone knows it.”

You just nod, feeling your chest tighten. You hadn’t seen Neil like this before and it scared you.

“I don’t want you hanging around faggots, Billy,” he says then and Billy shrugs.

“He’s not my friend,” he looks to you and then to Susan, “Well we better start heading out if we want to make that reservation.”

The restaurant is nice, you feel underdressed and you’ve got no clue why Neil keeps looking at you. Max isn’t here which means more attention on you and Billy. Your anxiety is through the roof and you’d love nothing more than to have a glass of wine to calm your nerves. Your little lie about not drinking was really pissing you off right now. Billy seems less on edge than you, occasionally brushing his fingers against you thigh and you kick his ankle every time. Not now, you try to tell him telepathically. So either it doesn’t work or Billy likes pushing your buttons. You think the latter.

“Billy, did you buy her that necklace? I thought we talked about saving,” Neil say’s disappointedly while unfolding his napkin.

“It was my mothers,” you lie like it’s the truth, quick and without ease, “Her name was Barbara.” Another lie, her name didn’t even start with a B.

“How did she pass?” he asks.

“Neil!” Susan nudges him and you shake your head.

“No it’s okay,” no trauma, here. No, what your mother did was much worse than dying. “Car accident. She was in a coma for a few weeks but it wasn’t looking good.” You hope Neil can infer the rest.

“Oh, honey,” Susan places her hand on yours, “I’m so sorry.”

You smile awkwardly at her, “Thank you. I was just a little girl, she’d only had my brother two years before. He doesn’t remember her, much.”

That wasn’t a lie, that’s when she left and you were jealous that your brother had the luxury of not getting to know her. You feel yourself start to tear up and so you excuse yourself to the bathroom. When you walk out the door, Billy’s standing there with his hands in his pocket and he looks ashamed.

“I’m sorry, he shouldn’t ask questions like that,” he says, meekly.

You wrap your arms around him, lovingly. The thought of him being worried about you and following to make sure you were okay makes your heart swell.

“I shouldn’t lie so well,” you counter with a small laugh. Billy tightens his arms around your waist and kisses your neck.

“I know the last of that wasn’t a lie,” he whispers and you just squeeze him tighter.

You expect Neil to apologize when you get back to the table but he doesn’t. Susan keeps shooting you sympathetic glances and it’s all so ridiculous. You know Billy has the same abandonment issues with his own mother and neither of them seem to care about that. The two of you never talked about it but you think now you should. He clearly doesn’t have an outlet and you know how he feels, you can relate.

“Dessert?” the waiter offers and not one of you say yes.

You finally get to catch a breath when you get into Billy’s Camaro and let your hair down as he peels out of the parking lot.

“God, I can’t wait to get out of here,” he exhales as he flips his zippo up to light the cigarette you pull to your lips.

You giggle, “I can’t wait to see you out of here.”

“You’re a goddamn angel,” Billy says like he can’t believe it.

You lean over to kiss his cheek, feeling your heart skip a beat at the genuine compliment. He doesn’t dish them out too often but when he does you believe them. “I love you,” you confess.

“I love you, too,” he whispers, glancing at you with a slight blush to his cheeks.

Billy pays for the movie admission, parking as far away from cars as he can while still being able to see the screen well. You laugh though, asking him if it really matters.

“I actually want to see this movie, I’ll have you know,” he turns his nose up and you reach over to pinch it.

Actually watching a movie in the Camaro is difficult. You two can’t cuddle up in the front seat and you can’t see from the backseat. You can do other fun things there though. He awkwardly wraps his arms around your shoulder, the center column making it difficult to get comfortable. You turn and look at Billy, admiring his face while you hold onto the hand draped over your shoulder.

“Stop staring, you’re missing the movie,” he mumbles, his cheeks red.

You roll your eyes before turning them to the screen. But you can’t help yourself, your eyes are drawn back to his face and you start trying to count the freckles on his face. You blush when he turns his head to you, “Do I have to take you in the backseat and fuck the distraction out of you?”

Heat crawls up between your legs, his blunt and filthy words always leaving you breathless. The way he says them so confidently but so low, just meant for you.

“I mean hell, you’re so god damn needy. I already fucked your brains out once today,” he moves to grab your face, eliciting a soft whimper from your lips. Sometimes he could be so scary but it wasn’t like horror movie scary, it was like he was totally aware of the power he had over you and he knew he could do whatever the hell he pleased. And releasing yourself to such a force was incredibly terrifying but you wouldn’t change a single thing. No, Billy deserved to have control of you.

“S’not your fault you’re such a little slut, though. Can’t help but be hooked on my cock, huh?” he growls out, sliding his thumb into your mouth. You promptly wrap your lips around it and suck, dragging your tongue against the digit. “I bet you’ve already soaked through your panties. You’re a disgusting mess under that dress, aren’t you?”

You moan around his thumb, eyes wide as you gaze up at him. He pulls your dress up just enough for him to get his hand into your underwear, frowning as he feels your slick on his fingers. You suck harder on his thumb, excited at the touch.

“Fucking knew it. You’re such a filthy whore,” he purrs, leaning over to press hot, wet kisses to your neck.

You squirm at the touch, tilting your head to give him as much room as he needs. Billy slides his fingers through your folds, gathering the wetness and pulling away.

You whine but he brings his fingers to your mouth, you’re hesitant and he laughs, cruelly.

“Come on, you know you want to,” he insists.

And you do, because you know he wants you to. You shyly take his fingers in your mouth, the taste is slightly tangy but overall not bad. The satisfied, sick smirk on his face brings another wave of arousal over you.

“Get in the back, let’s makes this quick,” he says, nonchalantly.

You’re climbing over the center console before he can finish his sentence and he follows shortly after. He sits in the middle, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants. He pushes them down just enough to pull his cock out, bringing his palm to your mouth. “Spit,” he demands, looking at you under his eyelashes.

You do as your told, a little embarrassed by how you still can’t manage to do it as easily as he can, trails of saliva connecting from your lips to his palm. He doesn’t care though, wrapping his fingers around his cock and stroking himself. You pull your underwear down, dropping them to the floor and hooking your leg over his thighs. He helps you, guiding his thick tip against your dripping hole. He grabs onto your shoulder and pushes you down on him, stirring a gasp from you as he bottoms out. You wrap your arms around him, pressing your chests flush together and burying your face in his neck. Billy’s arms circle around your waist, holding you tight. You do most of the work, so the whole let’s make this fast thing goes out the window. You roll your hips slowly, grabbing onto his curls as you try to get as close to him as possible. You hear him groan softly, holding onto you tighter. You’re so full of love for him you have to hold back crying, not wanting to freak him out. He pulls you back, sliding his hand up to the back of your neck as he gazes up into your eyes. You smile, rolling your hips a teensy bit faster. He caresses your cheek then.

“So beautiful,” he coos, “such a pretty girl.”

Your face flushes, grinding against him harder and faster. It’s only slightly funny to you that he can call you a whore but minutes later being so sweet and loving. It’s like he can tell exactly what you want before you give him any indication. He kisses you tenderly, rolling his hips up to meet yours and you moan against his lips. After a moment though, you feel him start to soften in you and he sighs, pulling you off of him and tucking himself back in his briefs and pulling his jeans back up.Your heart stings as you wonder what you did wrong, sitting besides him and looking at him curiously.

“Was too slow,” he mumbles, “too… I don’t know.”

“Romantic?” you whisper softly, playing with the hem of your dress.

“I guess,” he says as he crawls back into the front seat.

You feel like dirt, you feel broken so easily by him and you expect him to start his car up and drive you home. You follow him the front, staring at the sky instead of the movie.

“What did I do wrong?” you ask after a beat and he groans, shifting in his seat.

“Nothing,” he says with a roll of his eyes.

“Billy, that’s never happened before,” you try to explain, “I obviously did something wrong.”

“Can you cool it?” he bites and you sigh.

“Take me home,” you demand and he listens, turning the key in the ignition and speeding out of the parking lot in a hurry.

You don’t kiss him goodbye, just storm off into your room where you slam the door. You collapse on your bed and scream into your pillow. You might be overreacting but it hurt. You felt like he was suddenly unattracted to you. You despised how much his sexual prowess of you influenced your self esteem, that was probably the worst part. That him losing the mood could make you feel so utterly hideous.

Mary knocks on your door, “Honey? You okay?”

“Go away,” you cry out but she doesn’t listen. She opens the door and sits on the bed.

“Dinner not go so well?” she asks, reaching out to stroke your hair.

“Huh? Oh. The dinner went fine,” you mumble against your pillows.

Mary sighs, “What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk to you about it,” you say.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not gonna talk about something so personal with my dads girlfriend,” you blurt out.

Mary nods, “Okay, well right now, I’m not your dads girlfriend, I’m a shoulder to cry on.”

Damn her, you think. She’s trying to be there for you in a way no one ever was and you think you’d be a fool not to take advantage of it.

“You can’t yell at me,” you say, sitting up. “I’m eighteen and I’m on birth control.”

“So it’s about sex,” she says with a soft laugh, “I won’t yell. What happened?”

You bring your arms up to hug yourself as you look at her.

“Did Billy do something you weren’t comfortable with?” she asks, her eyes suddenly worried.

“No! No… it’s the opposite.”

“You did something Billy wasn’t comfortable with?” she cocks an eyebrow.

“I guess… we were… ya know and then he just… stopped, like he couldn’t…” you try to get the words out without feeling too awkward, your face flush.

Mary laughs again and you cover your face with your hands, “Oh, god.”

“Honey, that’s normal. Happens to the best of ‘em,” she assures you but you don’t believe her.

“No. He’s eighteen, that doesn’t happen to boys his age. I obviously did something wrong,” you mumble. “Or he just suddenly realized what a hideous beast I am.”

She shakes her head, “No, I’m sure that’s not it. Sometimes things don’t align and the mood changes. I’m sure Billy doesn’t think you’re ugly.”

“He said it was too romantic,” you admit, though he didn’t exactly say it, he just agreed when you did.

“Sounds like an eighteen year old boy to me,” she laughs again. “Don’t worry too much about it. There’ll be plenty of awkward moments ahead of you. They just happen.”

She pats the top of your head and leaves your room. The talk doesn’t settle your stomach one bit, you stand up and walk to your window. You don’t see Billy’s Camaro, but you don’t remember hearing him take off. You jump when your phone rings, walking over to pick it up.

“Hello?” you answer.

“Hi, do you like Billy Idol?” Steve’s voice on the other end kind of surprises you.

You giggle, “Do you?”

“I don’t know, but somehow I got tickets to his concert,” he says.

“In Hawkins?” you ask incredulously.

“In Indianapolis. Do you wanna go?” he asks.

You smile, “Take a four hour drive with you? Sure, I’d love to.”

“Awesome, we better leave early tomorrow then, doors are at seven,” Steve tells you an you nod along even though he can’t see you.

Then he says, “We’ll probably have to get a room since it’s a long drive and all.”

You feel your stomach twist. The last sleepover you’d had with Steve didn’t go over too well with Billy. But hey, you enjoy spending time with Steve and you can’t let Billy dictate your life.

“I’ll pack an overnight bag,” you say before hanging up.

-

Billy is standing outside when Steve pulls up. He struts over and leans into Steve’s window.

“You two gonna have another pool day?” Billy asked with a raised eyebrow. He was just about to leave for work and thought it was odd you didn’t just tag along with him.

“No,” Steve counters, “I won some tickets on the radio. We’re gonna drive up to Indianapolis.”

“What? That’s like a four hour drive,” Billy says, taking note of the duffel bag in the backseat. Then you’re stepping out the door and Billy notices your backpack hanging off your shoulder.

“Oh, hell no,” he says, stiffening up. “You’re not taking my girl to Indianapolis for a night.”

You roll your eyes, tossing your backpack in the back before placing your arms on the roof of the car. Billy takes note of your outfit, the short leather skirt, the low cut shirt and how big your hair is styled.

“It’s one night. Can you cool it?” you canary, rising Billy’s blood.

“You’re a fucking joke,” Billy scoffs, looking you square in the eye. “Go ahead and take him to California.”

He starts to walk away but you call after him, “Tickets in your name, can’t change that.”

Billy waves his hand at you, “Whatever, bitch.”

“Asshole!” you yell out as he gets in his car and peels out down the street.

Your body is tense with adrenaline and you climb into the front seat, looking at Steve dumbfounded.

“Did we just breakup?” you ask, mouth agape.

Steve winces, “Kind of sounded like it. Listen, we can call off the trip…”

“No,” you sigh. “I’ll just talk to him when we get back.”

You aren’t sure what it meant. If you did breakup. It didn’t really feel like it. You two hadn’t really fought like that before but with the night before, you wondered if Billy was searching for an excuse to break up with you. He’d been cool with you hanging out with Steve since their fight. Granted, you hadn’t spent a night in a hotel room with Steve before but still.

“It’s fine, I don’t think I’ve even heard a Billy Idol song before,” Steve replies.

You reach into your purse and produce a Billy Idol cassette. Steve deflates, grabbing the cassette and putting it in the stereo before starting your journey.

-

The concert was fun. Fun you needed to have. You and Steve get drunk, thanks to your fake ID. You stumble back into the hotel room, a sixer tucked under your arm while Steve carries your purse for you. In the excitement of the night, you successfully pushed Billy Hargrove to the very back of your mind. So much so, that when Steve’s lounging on the bed and flicking through the channels, you crawl up onto his lap. You run your fingers through his hair and giggle drunkenly.

He smiles up at you, “What’re you doing?”

“Playing with Steve The Hair Harringtons famous hair,” you snicker, tousling his hair into a mess.

He laughs softly. You share a moment, gazing into each others eyes while your hands fall to his shoulders. Without thinking, Steve’s hands inch to your waist and he’s leaning up to kiss you. But he pulls back just as quick.

“I-i’m sorry, I’m drunk,” he whispers and he looks so cute and innocent and everything opposite of Billy. You hear it in your head, You’re a fucking joke. Go ahead and take him to California. Not exactly sure why it pushes you forward in the moment but you grab onto Steve’s jaw and pull his lips back to yours. It’s desperate, clash of lips and teeth before you find the right rhythm. Once you do, you feel incredibly warm and secure. He’s gentle, tentative and it feels sweet. He’s pulling you closer, like he can’t get enough while he slides his tongue past your lips. You slide your hands down his chest and he pulls back to catch a breath, smiling wide as he looks up at you.

The two of you should stop, pretend this didn’t happen. But you can’t, and either can Steve. He presses his lips to your neck and attempts to slide his fingers into your ratted hair. Your eyes flutter shut when he licks against your sensitive skin. A moan escaping your lips when he sucks a mark there. And you don’t worry about it, allowing yourself to be a slave to this moment. Steve takes an opportunity to flip you on your back, returning his lips to yours as he hands snake up into your shirt. He squeezes you over your bra and you giggle softly as your hands snake back into his hair.

He undresses you slowly, his eyes scanning over your body as he does so. He looks at you with earnest excitement and you feel your skin erupt in goosebumps. He hums happily when he sees, his fingertips tracing your curves. His eyes continue to drink you in for a moment before he’s pulling his shirt over his head and your eyes are drawn to his chest hair. You can’t help but reach out and touch it, eyes looking up at him through your eyelashes. He smiles, moving his thumb to caress your cheek and before you know it, he’s kissing you again. It’s all so sensual it feels brand new. He doesn’t grab at you with rough hands but with attentive, sincere ones. Your head swims from it, you actually feel beautiful in the moment. When you deepen the kiss, you feel Steve’s hands journey to his jeans and he attempts to unbutton them, but it seems like he’s having a hard time so you do it for him, never breaking the kiss.

Steve pulls back, getting off the bed and wandering to his duffel bag. You feel exposed so your arms move to cover up what you can. He digs through his things and retrieves a condom, striding back over to you. You swallow the lump in your throat. Why would he even bring condoms? Was he planning on this? He kicks his jeans and briefs off before crawling back between your legs.

He smiles down at you, “Is this okay? Can I keep going?”

You nod shyly, his smile helping in dissolving the worry you’d just had. He grins wider, bringing the foil packet up to his mouth and tearing it open with his teeth. He slides the condom over his member, pressing it to your entrance.

“Are you sure?” he checks in one more time and it makes you giggle, though there’s a twinge of regret already deep in your heart.

[aftgficrec]

Can you post fics where Andrew and Neil argue but make up in the end?

Enjoy this walk through andreil feels, anon. The previous asks mentioned lead to a bunch more asks and fics. -A

also see:

andreil arguing here

new andreil breakup/make-up here

fave break up and make up here

andreil or jerejean kiss & make-up here

miscommunication leading to near-breakups here

angst w/happy ending: miscommunication or pining here

andreil enemies to lovers 2 here

Andrew makes Neil cry here

Neil snaps ‘not nothing’ here

‘quicksand’ here

‘low quay, no pressure’ here

‘transience’ here

‘transmission’ here

‘Tumblr Headcanons - Andreil’ Ch 11 & 12 here

‘Neil worried that Andrew cheated’ here

‘Home for Christmas’ here

‘Wake Up to Your Sunset’ here (completed)

‘All I Wanted’ here

‘Some Kind of Disaster’ here

‘I’m Not Dead Yet’ here

‘Can Nobody Hear Me (I cannot breathe)’ here (completed)

‘nice to see your face again’ and ‘Dawn Won't End the Night’ (updated) here

‘please come back, save me from myself,’ ‘ghostin',’ and ‘I ran out of every reason’ here

‘but i don't think i can ever learn how to love just right’ here 

‘Shared Custody’ and ‘Shared Custody (The Blame the Cat Remix)’ here

if you really love nothing by seasy33 [Rated M, 39713 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew finds an interesting piece of paper. He's not quite sure how he feels about it.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: flashbacks, tw: alcohol 

Undefined Roommates Code by Helpisneeded [Rated E, 56760 Words, Incomplete, Updated Oct 2022]

Punching your roommate is not a very smart idea. Starting a friends with benefits relationship with said roommate is an even worse one. Setting up a string of rules to keep it purely physical and make sure you don’t catch feeling but catching them anyways is certainly the stupidest thing you could do in that situation. Luckily for Neil, he never claimed to be smart.

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced suicidal tendencies

Regrowth by Mystrana [Rated E, 4836 Words, Complete, 2021]

It goes like this: Neil's giving therapy a chance. He's dealing with every emotion he's ever pushed down trying to leak back up. When he gets hurt during a game, Andrew gets upset and they get into an argument. And then Andrew apologizes. A fic in which Andrew and Neil work on healing together and cry and have the softest sex in the world.

tw: explicit sexual content

An intimate moment with someone you hate by krasmataz [Rated E, 7414 Words, Complete, 2023]

Neil and Andrew have their first fight after trying something new in the bedroom. Hope they figure it out before they destroy too much school property!

tw: implied/referenced self-harm, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced suicidal tendencies

over/under by likearecord [Rated E, 9506 Words, Complete, 2023]

He’d thought Neil, with his smart mouth and his wild eyes, would be satisfied with what Andrew was offering. He guesses he’d thought Neil was used to living on scraps—and Andrew has never had anything meatier to give. He’d been wrong.

tw: explicit sexual content

Only Fools Fall. by Random2002 [Rated T, 19789 Words, Incomplete, Updated Feb 2023]

Neil tests how faithful his clients partners are. Roland is a client; he's worried about his boyfriend. It isn't long until Neil notices some serious rifts in the relationship he is meant to test.

tw: child abuse

Cold Cookies by Preludeno3 [Rated M, 11583 Words, Incomplete, Updated Jan 2023, Locked]

It starts off as an abstract, incomplete thought. Andrew’s on his knees on the rug in his Columbia bedroom, going to town on Neil’s dick. Or Andrew wants to try face fucking, trauma is a bitch and Neil is almost too understanding

tw: explicit sexual content, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

First fight by Olympyas [Not Rated, 3265 Words, Complete, 2023]

"There is no this, you are nothing and nothing doesn't exist." It hurt. A lot. Especially when you spent the whole day feeling like nothing. So he wanted to hurt Andrew in return. He wanted to get, even the slightest, reaction from him. "Well, at least you can't hurt 'nothing' like you destroy everything around you." —hurt him— "You'll still run away like the rabbit you are. Tell me, Nathaniel, why are you staying?" Neil hated this name in Adrew's mouth "For nothing. I shouldn't have stayed in the first place." And he left.

tw: panic attacks, tw: violence, tw: assault, tw: attempted rape/noncon

A Substitute For Please by cadkitten [Rated E, 1911 Words, Complete, 2018]

Please is a word built to make things easy and life has never been easy for either of them. Please is meant to smooth things over, but they're all rough edges. Please is a final ditch effort when hope is lost and, Neil, he knows there's still hope here.

tw: ptsd, tw: depression, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: alcohol

NB: find more about Nicky’s state of mind here

To Be Close With You Is To Be Close With Myself by jostenskeys [Rated E, 20359 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew has always been a protector at heart despite how often he bullies Neil for his martyr complex. The summer before Neil's second year, however, he begins to feel the impacts of his life finally crash down on him just as they were finally safe from harm. Andrew fights with himself and doesn't know how he can help. But he soon realises, in order for him to help Neil, he needs to help himself too. Or The Convincing-Neil-To-Get-Therapy Chronicles. Written by Andrew Minyard and edited by Betsy Dobson.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: self harm, tw: urge to self harm, tw: blood, tw: suicidal ideation, tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks, tw: depression

Stay series by jaydreamz [Rated M/T, Collection with 2 complete works, Updated Nov 2021]

Part 1: Was Sorta Hopin' That You'd Stay [M, 25740 Words] Neil and Andrew have HATED each other since an incident in college. They really, really do. The Minyard-Josten rivalry is not a sham. But now Andrew's transferring to Neil's team and all hell is about to break loose.

tw: alcohol, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: explicit sexual content

Part 2: Before I Hated You [T, 5974 Words] Before the Minyard-Josten rivalry was on, there was something else entirely. *** Andrew and Neil's first meeting in college that ended up starting the feud between them.

Bittersweet by Mercey [Rated M, 8370 Words, Complete, AFTG Mixtape Exchange 2021]

‘Why would Neil want to be with someone who can’t even care for him the right way? Why would he want that life for himself? He’s not a runaway anymore, he’s not so desperate for affection that he’ll settle for my meagre offerings, and good for him. It’s better that way.’ Andrew's spiralling with graduation coming up, and beginning to question the very foundations upon which he and Neil are built.

tw: depression

Hold Each Other by exactly13percent_OLD (hymbeaux) [Collection Rated T/E, Complete, 2018]

Chapter 12: Stranger [T, 2854 Words] Sometimes, love comes easily. That's the problem.

I took a breath and took the knife by eeveepkmnfan [Rated M, 2271 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew and Neil argue. Or, Neil is still struggling through the aftereffects of being drugged. Andrew is forced to confront the consequences of that decision.

tw: transphobia, tw: implied/referenced sexual assault, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced involuntary drug use, tw: ptsd

Spring Cleaning with a Man on the Lam by SugarLime [Rated G, 2240 Words, Complete, 2019]

Neil glared at the wrapper Andrew had tossed on the floor next to his chair. He stalked over with a nasty frown and leveled a glare at Andrew. Andrew met his glare with an empty expression. “What?” He asked, following Neil’s gaze as it tuned to the discarded wrapper, “it’s a wrapper,” he said wisely. His gut did a small flip as he tried to figure out why his boyfriend was mad.

I Won't Be Home For The Rest Of The Night by CasTheButler [Not Rated, 1039 Words, Complete, 2017]

Neil and Andrew have a fight, Neil learns to let someone new in.

Stars and Moons by sonyathefairy [Rated G, 1111 Words, Complete, 2017]

Neil ponders about the stars and his fight with Andrew. Or in which they both realise that they can't live without the other anymore.

Where We Belong by conniptionns [Rated T, 1374 Words, Complete, 2017]

prompt: andrew and neil get into this huge fight while andrew is driving so he tells neil to get out the car and walk the rest of the way.

Still here by theresnothis [Rated T, 2779​​ Words, Complete, AFTG Summer Exchange 2022]

After a fight with Andrew, Neil ran off into the night (but he would go back). Andrew found him and of course with Neil’s luck a robbery would occur.

flashes of intimacy by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, Collection, Complete, 2023]

Chapter 3: conflict resolution [385 Words] Chapter 4: space [507 Words]

tw: mild self harm

Chapter 16: picking fights [554 Words]

tw: mild self harm

“I don’t want your pity, I want your absence.” by markonasurface (idwir) [Not Rated, 1627 Words, Complete, 2018]

After the freshmen find out about Neil and Andrew, a terrible practice leads to Neil saying things he shouldn’t.

tw: involuntary outing, tw: homophobia, tw: scars, tw: anxiety attack, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: victim shaming, tw: self harm

“So much for not getting involved.” by markonasurface (idwir) [Not Rated, 769 Words, Complete, 2020]

“I don’t want your pity, I want your absence.” pt 2

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa

“don’t call me that”-andreil prompt fill by @markonasurface [Tumblr, 2017]

Neil heard the door to the roof open and knew it was Andrew. Annoyance flooded his chest and he had the overwhelming urge to hit him. Instead he lit another cigarette and let Andrew pluck it from his fingers even though he hadn’t offered it to him.

[inahallucination]

anderperry au where todd asks neil out first hehe 

now with a part 2 (neil’s pov)

so

todd knows who neil is but they dont room together

he only knows neil through their numerous classes together and he may have an itsy bitsy crush

neil’s fucking pretty - todd’s known this since the first time he saw him laughing with his group of friends and almost tripped over his feet

luckily no one noticed

anyway neil’s fucking pretty but he’s completely different from todd and wayy out of his league so obviously todd doesnt have a crush

of course then on the second day of classes a teacher asks a question and looks at todd and he panics and neil’s behind him and he must notice because he answers in todd’s stead

and then when todd gets a little lost trying to find where the soccer practice was neil’s the one who finds him and walks him to practice

and neil’s on the team and he’s so fucking hot when he gets competitive and if todd himself wasnt playing todd knows he’d be distracted - luckily having an older brother has ensured that todd is nothing less than fiercely competitive in things he knows he’s good at

that doesnt mean that when practice ends he doesnt hurriedly walk away, pretending he doesnt notice neil approaching, to calm himself down and prepare himself to face post soccer neil

he volunteers to help clean up solely so he doesnt have to see neil

neil doesn't get the hint and stays back to help 

todd spends more time doodling neil’s name on his notebook than homework that night and thats when he realizes that his small teeny tiny crush may be not so small nor teeny tiny

and at first todd is very very very determined to ignore it

he stops himself from glancing back at neil or somehow finding him everywhere

he erases all his neil perry themed doodles

but neil doesn’t stop being pretty, the absolute asshole

nor kind nor sweet

and everytime he notices todd is alone (which is always) he comes to sit next to him - he invites him to study with his friends - he answers questions directed at todd in class

honestly he’s a fucking asshole ( theres no way he doesn’t know that he’s gorgeous and sweet and like a dream come alive and there’s no way he’s not using his evil powers to make sure todd thinks about him way more than he should )

and in the end todd’s half in love with him

ignoring his feelings dont work so the only thing todd has is to stop liking him

so he starts watching neil more because surely he cant be completely perfect surely he’ll have one habit that will be something todd hates - maybe he’s a sweater hater

neil is not a sweater hater - and he looks really cute in his stupid sweaters turns out

he’s also actually perfect

he’s kind, friendly, funny - he helps people, he wrinkles his nose when he’s concentrating, he runs his hands through his hair when he’s frustrated

and todd should be furious but now he’s just resigned

the perfect idea actually comes from neil’s friends in the end

todd’s there studying, minding his own business, trying to pretend that neil coming over earlier and asking if he wants to sit with his friends didn’t send his poor poor heart on fire practically

he overhears two of them - charlie and knox he thinks their names are - talking about how one of them (knox) fell in love too quickly and said one of them (knox) replies that actually “i didn’t fall in love with Nancy, Charlie” “yeah because she shot you down before you could”

its genius

todd just has to ask neil out 

a tiny part of todd, that he immediately ignores, wonders what it would be like if neil shot him a sweet smile and said “yes i’d love to be your boyfriend” 

“woah who’s got you smiling like that?” neil’s voice comes, breaking his neil being hopelessly in not quite love - because todd was not in love - with todd daydreams

neil laughs when todd stares at him wide eyed and points out that he’d left his pen here and that todd had been supporting a very sappy look - in nicer words

todd feels heat rush to his face and he shakes his head denying that he was thinking of anyone neil doesn’t look like he believes him but he nods and todd remembers his new genius plan

ask neil out and get rejected and thus fall out of not quite love with him

todd also ignores the part of his brain that tells him heartbreak is a vicious thing because of course his heart wont break he’s not in love

“H-hey Neil?” Todd asks quietly as Neil moves to go back to his friends.

“Yeah? What’s up?” Neil replies immediately, turning back to face Todd with his bright smile. Todd glances around making sure no one’s looking.

“Um.. this weekend... do you maybe wanna go somewhere...? W-with me, I mean.” Oh, sorry Todd. I already have plans. Maybe you could join my friends and me instead? I’d love to be your friend. 

Todd’s waiting for those words to spill out of Neil’s rather kissable looking mouth. For Neil to kindly let him down and state that he only wants to be-

“Y-yeah, I’d love to.” Neil’s smile is blinding and that combined with the pink on his cheeks makes Todd want to reach over and see if his mouth is actually as kissable as it looks. He doesn’t do that. Instead he gapes unattractively because did Neil just agree? Did Neil just-

Oh.

Well that didn’t go as planned.

But Todd can’t bring himself to be disappointed because the small part of Todd that had hoped Neil would like him back is singing. He’s helpless to do anything but smile back at Neil as Neil’s friends call him back and he leaves. 

He watches, still not a hundred percent processing that Neil had agreed to go on a date with him, as Neil leans in and whispers something frantically to his friends, his smile still there. His friends whoop and clap him on the back and Charlie catches Todd looking and smirks at him and Todd realizes that Neil must be telling them about their date.

He ducks his head down, wondering if Neil’s friends reaction meant that Neil might have had a bit of a crush on Todd too. And though he can’t understand why he would when he’s so out of Todd’s league, he can’t help but be pleased by it.

Todd stares at his half done math homework and then flips to a clean page in his notebook and starts writing.

He has a date to plan out.

All thoughts of how to get over Neil leave his mind as he debates whether dinner and a movie is too basic. Instead, plans on how to properly woo Neil start to form.

He may be a teeny tiny bit in love.

[madebysamael]

It's breakdown time again.

My mental health hasn't been great for a while. Tbh, it started tanking after I worked as a vendor selling my handmade jewelry at pride shows in June.

Which went great!! I had best-selling shows and people were really excited about my art. It was awesome.

And then I had to go back to work.

I work full-time, at a desk job in a corporate office. The company is in an industry often used to represent soulless antagonists in movies. My job itself is a specialized position that requires a lot of mental labor. Finding time and energy to create is a challenge, even in the times where things are balanced.

And lately it's been really tough, because the work that needs doing is what I, a person who suspects myself to be on the autism spectrum somewhere, find hellish: I have to navigate bureaucracy and act as a diplomat. I have to coordinate projects between different people and act as a liaison. Most of my job isn't doing anymore, it's figuring out who I need to reach out to, and when, and how do I phrase this so I don't offend anyone? It's inefficient, circular, and often requires me to dance with office politics.

I'm. So. Exhausted.

So, after dragging myself away from the laptop where I've been sending emails and updating spreadsheets all week, I was so excited, because last weekend, I got to escape to my favorite fantasy world: Good Omens. To a life in color, to an eternity ever after.

You all know what happens.

It opened the floodgates. I started losing focus at work, couldn't remember where we were at on projects, who I was waiting on, who I needed to contact - hell, I couldn't even remember to bring my lunch.

I was thinking about GO, but not about the story itself. Instead, it was about how, best-case scenario, it will be 2+ years before they get their happy ending. About how leaving them in limbo for so long fucking hurts.

About how 2-3 years is a long time. Long enough for Neil, David or Michael to have an accident, an illness. About how it would never be the same if they had to recast, or if someone else wrote. Imagine GO without Michael's microexpressions, without David's face reading like an open book even with glasses on. Without Neil's love for the world he shared with Terry pouring out into every single frame of it.

2-3 years is a long time. Long enough for me to get in a car accident, to develop cancer. I already had a cancer scare in 2022; luckily, I was fine. One of my best friends got lymphoma around my age. She, luckily, is also fine now.

But one of my other best friends, who had a heart attack, just a few years older than me... He's in a wooden box in his wife's living room.

And his 10-year wedding anniversary was on July 27, 2023. The day GOS2 was released.

So here I am. A week later, trying to keep it together and failing, thinking it's just a fucking TV show, it shouldn't matter so much...

But it's never just one thing. Every pain carries the weight of all the pain that came before it. I'm carrying the weight of Karl's death, of Steph's cancer, of the family members I've lost that would take too long to list here, several before even David's age.

And I'm struggling to even draw now. Or make jewelry, or sew. The creative pursuits, the things that are supposed to make the rote office job worth it, the things it supports... I feel no joy for them. Even simple things like screenshot studies are excruciating, taking far too long. My problem-solving skills are completely drained at work, and that makes drawing so much harder.

I see so many others creating beautiful things from the pain and getting well-deserved recognition for it. But the ideas aren't coming for me, and even if they were, where would I find the energy?

I don't know how to dig myself out of this spiral. It's so very tiring, and so very, very lonely.

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 136 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: putting up a new fence.

MELANIE: “Well. I’ve kinda got to… uh. (inhale) I’ve got somewhere to be. Do you mind if – if she hangs around with…?” JON: "Uh, I suppose – Not at all. She’s very welcome." I think it's super cute that Daisy doesn't want to be alone. Yeah, the reason for this is quite tragic and sad... I think this was the episode that made me go "Oh shit, I really like Daisy now!" to 100 %! I love everything about this episode!

JON: "If you don’t mind me asking – where are you off to?" [UNFORTUNATELY FOR BOTH OF THEM, THE ARCHIVIST’S SIGNATURE STATIC RUMBLES LOW IN THE BACKGROUND AS HE SPEAKS.] MELANIE: "Therapy. (surprised inhale) Wait…" I read a post about this once, that the Eye won't chose random information for Jon to suddenly drop into his mind. It's always something bad or intrusive (like suddenly knowing how Gertrude stopped the Sunken Sky. Or how one of Basira's school teachers died). Wouldn't be surprised, if this also got a grip on questions which could reveal a "dark secret". Like here, it wasn't a coincidence that compulsion slipped out with the question. It's the Eye choosing to act on it's own because there's juicy personal information to acquire. There's nothing Jon could have done to stop that, aside from just not asking this question. But that's why he's the Archivist, he always asked this kind of questions.

MELANIE: "It’s fine. I would probably have told you eventually anyway." Uhhh, am I the only one who thinks this line sounds a bit weird...? Especially the "It's fine". This doesn't sound like Lydia at all... Could this actually be Alex??? (Wouldn't be the first time we suspect him impersonating Lydia/Melanie - MAG 103).

"One of my earliest memories is cowering behind my mother, watching Labyrinth of the Minotaur on our tiny television, seeing the clay of the creature move and come alive in stop-motion. It terrified me. It thrilled me. It’s a moment that’s never completely left me. I’ve always had two passions: engineering and special effects. So naturally, the course of my life gradually led me towards working on animatronics. I don’t – care about the other stuff, not really. A squib’s a squib no matter how much you dress it up, and… (inhales) makeup never really wowed me." 1.) Not really-counter of S4: 4! 2.) I totally know that feeling. For me it was Jurassic Park. I guess this is also why I've always loved Stan Winston's work the most out of all practical FX studios and artists I follow. I have no idea about engineering, but I'm good at sculpting and crafting. Naturally, SFX make-up always fascinated me as well and they often work closely together (part make-up / part costume / part animatronics). It's just so damn expensive to make myself, the prices for silicone and resin skyrocketed the last couple of years. I want to make an animatronic mask soooo badly... Luckily my spouse is an engineer and I have a few of tutorials from the Stan Winston School membership, so one day! *fingers crossed*

"His earlier stuff I certainly enjoyed, but… for all my fondness for that – animated Minotaur, his stop-motion work never really grabbed me like his animatronics." You know why stop-motion looks so jerky? Lack of motion blur. That's when go-motion came into play. They'd move the model slightly during exposure of that frame, recreating motion blur by doing this. The dragon Vermithrax in Dragonslayer was the best example for this, but it already went quite high-tech to achieve this. (ILM, Phil Tippet btw.)

"The way Neil tells it, he split from his partner Gabe in 1972, and sculpting for stop-motion had never really had the same charm after that." Gabe... Short for Gabriel. Sculpting, like with Clay^^ Lagorio was like "Yeah, the Spiral is too random for me, I need precision!!"

"I think we bonded on that shoot, sheltering from the rain for hours at a time, watching a soggy animatronic jaguar gradually start to rust." Everybody knows the story of the T-Rex in the rain, right? If not, so they build the T-Rex without the information that it's supposed to be raining in that scene. Well... the foam latex skin acted like a sponge and it got too heavy! This caused the T-Rex to shiver, so they had to dry her in-between shots (there are pictures of people whipping towels at the dino XD). This is also the reason why the roof of the car broke and came down onto the children. This was not planned! But the T-Rex got too heavy so the calculations weren't correct anymore and so it hit that glass roof with way too much force, oof.

OMG wait! Is that my favorite ambiance track there?? OMG it is! I totally missed that it was used here! Episode got even better now!

JON: "Mm, they were… Well, let’s just say it’s not a complete shock there was something unnatural to them." Mr. “watches documentaries for fun” saw a few of Neil Lagorio's movies! Not surprised since he read a lot as a kid, why wouldn't Jon be into fiction?

DAISY: (sigh) "She’s Web. Spider’s sneaky like that. Like that lighter you’re always using; where’d you get that?" JON: "Mm. Good point. We should keep our eyes open. Anyways –" Hahaha, there's even static during "Good point". I can't wait to tell my story about the lighter, it's hilarious.

DAISY: (sigh) "Yeah, well – (sigh) What do you think? You think I’m weak, just – (sigh) – ‘cause I’m not already chasing the next kill? You think I’m less me?" JON: "I – (sigh) I don’t feel like I’m exactly in the best place to judge the… intersection between free will and humanity. (stuttering inhale) I’m still trying to figure that out myself." Those two <3 I'm happy Jon has someone this season who gets him. Who he can talk to. I love their friendship so much...

JON: "My – (large sigh) My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I – I don’t know if I made the right decision; I’m stronger now, tougher, I can – (he cuts himself off) If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever? I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe – stop that happening, and the only danger is to me, I – I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster." DAISY: "That’s messed up." JON: (small laugh) (inhale) "Yeah. I suppose it is." Jon. Stop it. Get some help.

JON: "It, uh – hm – Is it, uh – Weird question, but – I – (sigh) I haven’t seen you in my dreams? The last couple of weeks?" DAISY: "Oh, ah – No, I – I work here now. Figured it seemed to protect the others, so –" That sounded like that relative "I haven't seen you in so long, you never visit me!" XD But further confirmation, that the dreams stop when you're working for the institute.

DAISY: “Boo-hoo, I’m so alone and a monster.” Yeah, those two <3

DAISY: (darkly) "If she doesn’t, I’ll rip her throat out." I love the sound of that line!

Putting that therapy scene into a Web episode was such a mean red herring!

@a-mag-a-day

[fruityavocados]

A little rant about Lucas and how he’s treated in the fandom.

Okay so this is not what I usually post/talk about but this needs to be said. I’m tired of seeing Lucas slander and how he’s treated in this fandom.

First of all, people say racist things about him and hate him only because he’s a black. People hate how he was mean to Eleven back in season one. But he was having common sense because Eleven was some random girl that they found in the woods. Eleven could’ve hurt them which was why he was cautious about her. They both end up making up and becoming friends but people like to ignore that and love to make Lucas the villain in the situation. Yes, I do agree that he could’ve been nicer to Eleven and still be cautious but that’s besides the point.

Second of all, people don’t like him because he joined basketball and left the party for a bit. People like to ignore that fact that the reason Lucas joined is to protect himself from being bullied and find his new self. They talk about this in his book Lucas on the Line in a lot more detailed way. He also wanted Mike and Dustin to be popular with him too so they all won’t get bullied. Obviously that didn’t work out and he ended up going back to the party. But people still hate on the fact that he left in the first place. People dont even try to think about why he left, they focus on that he left.

Another thing I want to take about is about his relationship with Billy. Billy was literally racist towards him by telling Max not to talk to him because “there’s certain types of people that you don’t interact with in the world.” And Billy also tried to hurt Lucas (luckily Steve stepped in and pulled Billy off of Lucas) but people still defend Billy’s character to this day. A lot of people say that Billy has an ab*sive father and that’s why he mean to Lucas. Obviously, Billy’s behavior was learned by Neil but he still continued the ab*sive cycle. He continued to ab*se Lucas and Max. But people think it’s okay from to act like this because of his dad. If you think being racist towards someone is okay because of their living situation and excuse their actions because of it, you’re ignorant. Nothing is going to make me feel bad for Billy at all. Yeah, it’s sad that his dad couldn’t caring and loving towards Billy but to me, it’s not a good excuse for him to act the way he does. I’m not sure if he could’ve been redeemable if he lived (depends how much time the Duffers put into that arc if that was a thing) but how they redeemed him at the end of season 3 is not making me want to forgive him at all. But yet people still like his character and defend Billy. But Lucas is mean to Eleven for one season and left the party for a few episodes and suddenly Lucas is the worst character of stranger things. Like make it make sense. Lucas is way better than Billy. Lucas is kind, caring, funny, honest, gives great advice and such a loving person. But he displeased the audience twice and suddenly he’s a bad character. Billy literally tried to hit people with his car, yells at Max, tries to control who Max can and can’t talk to, hurts Lucas and threatens Lucas, and beats up Steve but he shown his soft side once and everyone thinks he’s an amazing character and person. It’s only because Billy is white because if Billy was black he would’ve massive hated in this fandom.

Another thing is about Lucas’s book, Lucas on the Line. I’ve seen so many people use his book as byler proof. And that’s not okay or sits right with me. The book is about Lucas not byler or other ships besides than Lumax. The book is about Lucas navigating life in high school as a black boy in a white town. It’s also about Lucas and Max’s relationship and how it kind of fell apart after Starcourt mall and Billy’s death. But yet I still see people using this book as byler proof and it disregards Lucas’s experience and the message of the book. If you’re someone who only read the book to prove a ship that’s just disrespectful. Stranger Things is not just about ships. The book isn’t even cannon anyways so it’s not even good proof. So please just read and enjoy the book and not try to prove that one ship is happening and one ship is bones. I’m saying this also a byler shipper. My blog mainly about byler at the moment. But there’s so many proves that you can talk about instead of Lucas on the line. I’ve only seen bylers do this (I don’t see/interact with other ships besides than Byler, Lumax, and Ronance) but there could be people from other ships twisting the narrative of the book. It’s okay to notice certain things about other ships but don’t share it to the internet. Please, it’s just disrespectful and ignorant to do so. Again, please read the book for what it’s about.

I feel like most of the hate that Lucas gets is because he’s black. There’s literally characters who committed crimes but they don’t like Lucas because we was mean to Eleven in season one. Like Billy tried to hurt Lucas, he’s abusive and controlling over Max, he attempted to run over Mike, Dustin and Lucas, and he beat up Steve. But Billy shows his soft side once and everyone loves him and pities him. If Billy was black or poc people how literally shit over him in 2 seconds. Since he’s white and conventional attractive people love him and say he’s the most misunderstood character in the show. But Lucas is the most misunderstood person in the show. Another example is Eddie. Don’t get me wrong I love Eddie but Eddie literally has a big fandom and he’s only been in one season. Eddie Munson has 15.9B views on tiktok for gods sake. But since he’s an conventionally attractive white male, that’s why he gets so much attention. If he was played by someone of a different race he would’ve be loved by everyone. Chrissy literally has a fandom WHEN SHE LITERALLY HAVE LIKE 10 MINUTES OF SCREEN TIME. AND IF YOU DONT THINK ITS BECAUSE SHES WHITE AND PRETTY IS THE REASON WHY PEOPLE LIKE HER LITERALLY I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH YOU.

It pains me to my core to see my favorite character get sidelined so much. Lucas is an amazing person. But if you can’t see that then that’s really unfortunate. Anyways rant is over LOL. I got kinda heated at the end because it makes me so upset to see a character of my race being treated poorly. Also, my intention isn’t to bash any of the characters that I mentioned (besides than Billy). I just wanted to show contrast. Lucas Sinclair is the best character of all of Stranger Things. The end.

[mokonahapuuuuuu]

Believe - Ballet School AU

Neil was the guy most of the girls had a crush on. 

Belle had better things to do, such as being at the ballet academy and studying. 

He had the younger girls’ in his grasp, and if he wasn’t too careful, he was going to hurt all of them. Which made her glad she didn’t went along with the rest of the girls fawning over him. The only person Neil could ever care more about was himself. 

The other girls were too dim to pick up on that.

He strut around campus, acting as if he owned the world. Even outdoing Kimberly, the head of the most pompous group of girls, and that was saying something. 

He really achieved every ballerina stereotype in the book. 

What was worse was, they were in the same partners class. And the teacher partnered her up with Neil. 

Her mother told her once, even if you didn’t agree with someone, you could at least meet them halfway. 

Neil didn’t do anything to her exactly, so he at least deserves some dignity. 

Pointe shoes took a while to get used to, but now, Belle loved them. 

That was what being a ballerina was all about. She worked up all her life ever since she was six to be in pointe, and here she was in the preprofessional program. 

She was one of the children in ‘The Nutcracker’, though every step she took, it was one more step in achieving her dreams. 

She was that much closer to being on stage in bigger productions, and maybe one day be in the principal cast. 

Maybe one day, she could play… Odette in ‘Swan Lake’. 

It was all in her grasp. 

As Neil took her body to be in midair, everything seemed balanced, then all of a sudden, she felt his hand wobble. 

Falling to the floor, her body sang in pain. 

“Belle…!” Neil cried. 

The teacher, Ms. Green, and fellow classmates all swarmed around her. “Are you alright?”

Her left ankle felt like it was twisted. How bad was her injury? What was going on?

Would she ever dance again?

Neil and Ben helped her into the emergency room, which was luckily nearby. 

She took off her ballet shoe, and Ms. Green looked at it. 

Her ankle looked bruised. Ms. Green felt around her foot. 

“If there were any broken bones, you’d feel it,” she began. “It looks like a sprain, thank goodness. You should feel very lucky. Some ice, and keep it off for a few days, you’ll be good as new.”

She breathed. She was so glad that was the case. Her dreams weren’t crashing in on her today. 

“Belle, I’m so sorry…” began Neil. “If I only were more careful, maybe you wouldn’t be like this.” 

This was a rare side of Neil she never saw before. 

“Ms. Green says I’ll live,” she placed a hand on Neil’s shoulder. “It’s just a twist on my ankle, I’ll be able to walk again.” 

Neil looked away, then looked at her. “We all have to be someone we’re not at this school. It’s dog eat dog, and it’s only going to get rougher if either of us makes it to principal. But you, Belle, have more heart in this than anyone I know. So, please… don’t give up on this.” 

This was far from the air headed guy she saw in the hallways. 

Though she was glad that someone believed in her all that time. 

[strangerthingsfan-fics]

Your not acting like yourself Steve Harrington x Fem!hargrove reader

Warnings-starving self,abuse,body hatred,getting called fat,hospital,collapsing,kissing, swearing,crying,if there are anymore please feel free to tell me so I can add them

You’ve always not been one to like your body but Steve made you feel like you have a body to love with his affection he always makes sure you eat and he’ll eat his lunch after he’s seen you eat a bit

You got home a few hours after school coming back from your date with Steve where you both went to the movies shared a popcorn and had a pizza to share after the movie

You was greated to your home by max hugging you knowing your about to get beaten

Your dad neil was always a dick to your step mum susan tries to stop him but it never works you immediately tried to walk to your room as quick as possible but Neil grabbed you with all his force pushing you into a bookshelf making books fall on your body

“3 hours late seriously” Neil knelt down and screamed in your face

“I’m sorry I was on a date” you let out a small sob

“I don’t care you know if Billy didn’t have a car your sister could have been killed but Billy luckily has a car and has a heart to wait for your sister but all you thought about is your boyfriend you fat Bitch” Neil shouted

You nodded not talking because you was about to cry and it’ll get you called weak and Neil will do anything to hurt you to make you cry anything so while talking to you he purposely stood on your hand seems your under all the books weak as it is Billy came out his room hearing you cry

“TALK YOU FUCKING FAT BITCH MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO ON A FUCKING DIET” Neil shouted putting more pressure on your hand till you spoke

“I’m sorry I wanted to have a date with my boyfriend sir” you sobbed neil taking his foot of your now red and bruising hand

You got the books off you and walked into your room sobbing in pain you locked your bedroom door but Billy knew the way to unlock it because you trusted Billy and max so you told them how to unlock it so Billy unlocked it and walked in locking it again and sitting on the end of your bed opening his arms for you to hug him you started crying in his shoulders he’s a caring big brother and as he’s on the basketball team he’s seen a broken hand before and knew yours isn’t broken just bruised

“Your not a fat bitch your a perfect sister” Billy whisperd

You nodded your head still sobbing

It’s now the next morning you woke up remembering what happend last night and when Susan offered you breakfast you shake your head and walk to school

You hate lying to Steve but when he asked you if you’ve eaten you lied by saying yes you and Steve was hugging

Steve just keeps kissing you and in basketball practice Billy told Steve what happend last night because he deserves to know what’s happend

You went to the toilets and was stood staring at your stomach trying not to cry but if you took too long steve would get worried so you stopped and walked back to the basketball hall and sat on a bleacher with your legs crossed and when the practice was done steve jogged to you and kissed you with you kissing him back him holding your waist and your hands on his shoulders

At lunch you said you wasn’t hungry which is true but Steve kept trying to give you something to eat but you would straight up refuse even when you would be sat on his lap

It’s been about 4 days now of not eating at all you got to school with super baggy clothes on because you’ve already lost that much weight and these are Steve’s clothes so they used to be baggy but not as baggy as they are now Steve noticed how skinny you was but didn’t mention it till today

“You look really ill yn” Steve said

“I’m fine don’t worry” you smile

“Yn Billy told me what happend if you feel that way tell me you know I’ll help you through everything your more important so let’s get you to eat something okay” Steve helped

“I’m fine I’m not hungry at all” you try to say

Steve helps you up “you’ve not eaten in 4 days that’s not your fine” Steve informed you

When you was walking Steve noticed you was slowing down and while you was walking you collapsed/passed out

Max and Billy ran over max ran to the phone box and called the hospital you was unconscious in Steve’s arms steve picked you up and the ambulance came they laid you in the back of the ambulance

They got you too hospital and got you in a room super quick and had to put needles in you when you woke up you looked at everyone in the room steve Billy max doctors and nurses

[someonelookingpraediti]

Currently Reading...

All for the Game - Nora Sakavic

Ok, so I have finally finished listening to the All for the Game audiobooks! It took me exactly FOUR MONTHS to listen to the whole series. It takes me a super long time to get through an audiobook, because I find them really difficult to focus on, so I can literally only listen while I’m doing one specific task at work which I do for like a single three-hour block once every fortnight. But I really wanted to listen to these because I’m just, completely obsessed with the books, and I’m determined to experience them in every possible way. Also, I wanted to hear it in an American accent. Honestly, I mostly loved it. Like, hearing Neil “Jah-stan” in his Neil Josten accent? Perfection. I loved Andrew’s voice, it was as infuriating and mocking as I hoped. I loved that you could totally tell the difference between Andrew and Aaron, because like, they weren’t raised together, why would they sound the same. And I definitely felt like I connected with the story in a new way, which is exactly what I was aiming for. However. In the first book, when Kevin “has to call Jean”, and the narrator clearly did not think to check?? And called him “Gene”?! Genuinely, I yanked my headphones out, slammed them on to the counter, and stormed outside for a stress cigarette while text-screaming at everyone I know. It took me some serious calming down before I could listen again. Luckily, the next time he was mentioned, the book specified that he was French, and the narrator got it right. There were also a few narration mistakes that were really obvious, knowing the books, but that would have really confused me if I’d been hearing them for the first time. At one point, the tattoo is on his neck and not his cheek, and there’s a bit where his father is named Nathaniel instead of Nathan. And most importantly, in the negative column, I hated Jean’s accent!!!! It was not the sexy French lover boy I was imagining, it was the old man caricature French geezer of my nightmares. But hey. It’s cool. I’m over it. I'm totally over it. But truly, the best bit was listening to the final section of The King’s Men less than a week after Nora announced her new Jean-centric book?! Truly and completely blessed. Honestly, getting to hear Jean being rescued, immediately followed by the literal ONLY Jeremy/Trojans scene? Hearing their match, hearing Jeremy being an absolute king, hearing Leila and Alvarez? I was quite genuinely bouncing around my little office in joy, knowing that these characters are going to be in another book. Jeremy is gonna treat my boy so right. I love that in four months worth of listening, the exact bit I listen to is the only bit I’ve been thinking about for days, following this announcement! I am so excited! Urgh, I’m just so glad I listened to these as audiobooks, and I’m definitely going to do it again one day. But for now, I am finally going to reread them in ebook format again! It’s been too many months.

[maddstermind]

I'm crying at some of these titles - but also Lemon Demon is making more sense now knowing you know Homestuck (this is a compliment btw, I'm adding some of their songs to my list (Knife Fight)) ANYWAY - pls tell me more about howie dies dot jpeg and 999 999 laughing for real right now- On a more serious note - we're doing it man, we're making this happen You've been updated to Warheads cause my face currently resembles sucking on one I'm losing my fuckin mind rn

Yes, YES, I highly recommend pretty much everything Lemon Demon has every done. Listen to Bustin', it's hilarious. (As far as I know, Lemon Demon/Neil Cicierega has nothing to do with Homestuck, but they do have a similar vibe lmao. Also I'm honored to be upgraded.)

OKAY WRITING THINGS YEEHAW.

howie dies dot jpeg Snippet:

President Howard Goodman sat at his desk in the Oval Office, alone. The orange light of the setting sun filled the room, silhouetting him with his back to the window. He was alone. He kept telling himself that.  There was no one else in the room, hadn't been for hours as he demanded to be left alone for the rest of the day, but he could not convince himself that he was actually alone. He felt watched. Every shadow out of the corner of his eye looked to be a person, or a beast, or some horrific fusion of the two. It was worth mentioning that Howard hadn't been sleeping well lately.

About: The other (joke) working title for this was "Howie's Hot Girl Summer." The real title was "I'll Find You In The Next Timeline." It was meant to be for the 2023 Hatchetfield Big Bang (which I host!), but I got swamped and wasn't able to work on it for long. It's a timeloop story about the (fictional) President of the United States, Howard Goodman. And also he's in love with the mysterious military man, General John McNamara. I'll probably eventually get around to finishing and publishing it. Someday.

999 999 laughing for real right now Snippet:

"When I meet my soulmate, I'll tell you about all the colors, okay?" Light teased her about how she'd be able to describe colors without using examples, but she was stubborn. She swore she'd tell him what colors were like. "Alright," Light ruffled her hair, "you better keep your promise, then." "I will!" She grinned, though he didn't see it. He didn't have too, though. He just knew.

About: This fic is from [claps] 2017! I always meant to get around to finishing it... It's called "Prism of Light," and its a Zero Escape soulmate AU, the one where you start seeing color when you touch your soulmate for the first time. It's Light/Aoi (Snake/Santa) and I only got about two chapters in, but it is on AO3 for the curious. (It's not very good.)

we're doing it man, we're making it happen Snippet:

At age nine, Max saw a picture of Mothman and decided that was what they wanted to be when they grew up, and they've been working towards it ever since. Their desire to discover the bizarre often led to them believing too easily — luckily for them, Lizzie was always there to balance the scales. While she also had a keen interest in the weird, she was more skeptical, thinking things through more thoroughly before deciding whether or not to believe them. Together, the two had spent their years of friendship exploring the island town of Saint Hazel, following every possible lead in hopes of finding any scrap of strangeness in the sanitized town. They'd had their fair share of successes, even if it was never anything as grand-scale as Max hoped.

About: The actual title of this one is "The Conspiracy Gang," and it almost belongs in the "mix of both" category. It's an original work that is based on a roleplay of Starkid's Hatchetfield series done by me and my friends; the main characters are/were our OCs for the universe, but I love them so much I wanted to write a version of their story on my own (with my friend's permission, of course!) Max is my character, and Lizzie belongs to my good friend @cosmic--static! I haven't gotten that far into writing it, sadly, because I've been so heavily focused on Auberon. But someday!!!!!! OH ALSO ITS A COSMIC HORROR STORY FORGOT TO MENTION LMAO

[sirsamurai]

I have fallen out of the habit of writing, yet again. But I saw Neil Gaiman speak today and he preaches that to be a writer you must write. So….

Slept in much later than planned today, most likely my body is still trying to recover from my insane weekend (which I will write about soon). Made lunch, took a long shower with my girlfriend, and then we started the journey to San Francisco to hear/see Neil Gaiman (my favorite author). We were in her car (my ac doesn’t work) but I was driving (she hates driving in the city. So do I, but I’m a gentleman and am not going to force her to do it). Just past Vacaville I saw just how important luck is. A white car blew by me on the right then got in front of me and then went into the left lane, where he hit another white car, who hit the wall and came back and hit the first car, then they each hit another car and the world filled with dust as all four cars pun out of control. Luckily before the two cars touched I started to apply my brakes and slow down, but resisted the urge to slam the pedal down. Because of this we some how passed through the four cars as they spun out of control. One hitting the inside wall the other three going off the road, one into a field, one pointing backwards, and the other with the left side destroyed but somehow safely off the road.

I immediately pulled over and told Heather to call 911. The lady in the closest car (the one that was backwards) was pretty messed up and could not move, but was able to talk. The man in the second car signaled he was ok, but he never got out of the car, which made me wonder. The left side of his car and the back of his car were totaled

The driver of the white car which caused all this and who had ended up in the field was walking around but was completely out of it and was making no sense. After awhile he went back to his car and sat down, closing the door.

The car across the freeway ended up crossing traffic somehow, and he joined us. He was ok, though the left side of his car was damaged. His car was the only survivor.

After a few minutes a tow truck arrived and he checked to make sure everybody was ok. Heather stayed with the poor woman that couldn’t move and helped her with her phone. After a good 15 minutes a cop arrived, and he too checked on everybody. 15 minutes later ambulances, fire trucks, more cops, and more tow trucks arrived so Heather and I got back in her car and continued to San Fransisco.

A few blocks from the theater we were headed to we got caught up in a protest for women’s abortion rights (if you have a penis stay out of the debate. Nobody tells me what I can and cannot do with my body. The same should apply to my girlfriends as well).

Because of this we arrive late to the theater, but luckily he started late so we didn’t miss a thing. Neil is a brilliant storyteller and the evening was well spent. He inspires me to get back into writing.

We made it home without incident. Luckily.

[ajoytobeheld]

Thoughts + Reflections

August 5th, 2009

Hello!

As we embark on another wild and crazy journey across the land of cheese steaks and Ashlee Simpson, I am pleased to say that things have been rather lovely so far, although we are all gradually melting into little puddles of British charm with the weather being rather too hot for our pasty silken skin.

The van has welcomed us back with slightly uncomfortable seats and nearly everyone has taken their usual “spots.”  My own little caustrophobic piece of heaven is next to Neil who regails me with witty tales as well as offering me crisps. But anyway here are some completely incoherent thoughts which have taken an idle stroll through my brain in recent times.

I was lucky enough to experience some hipster barrista wit when I was in Manhattan with a coffee making expert asking me if I wanted a “paper or ceramic cup.” Took me ages to get it. Then I thought he was quite clever. Then I thought he was a idiot. Then I thought it was something straight out of an indie rom com. Then I thought he might be flirting with me. Then he said it to the next person in the queue. Then I realised that I was not one snowflake in a million. Then I cried.

We passed some advertisements on the way out of New York, one advocating shag carpets but frowning on the use of Narcotics. It stated “So No to Drugs. Say Yes to Rugs.”

“100 classic books” on Nintendo DS is the best pre-tour purchase I have ever made. I can read all the greats (bit of Dickens, bit of Poe) on my tiny little computer screen without the need for a mobile library! “Great Mystery Puzzles” however was not. It may be something to do with the fact that its designed for ages 3+ but the first level involved finding items to pack for your holiday in your room…. I am not too sure if that was the mystery solving I had in mind but  I failed the task anyway, not being able to find my binoculars.

Joe Puelo has forbidden some stock phrases from being uttered on this tour, including “In this current climate?” and “with this recession going on.” Fortunately none of us tend to talk about economics that much, so its been avoided thus far…. If he said we weren’t allowed to utter the words “she was well fit” or “douchebag” then we would all be in trouble.

I think someone threw a beer can at my feet during the gig the other day.

The concerts themselves have been going rather smoothly thus far with no major fuck ups, explosions or set backs. Apart from on the first night when I played the wrong note at the beginning of You!Me!Dancing! Luckily everyone noticed.

The transition from British drink measures to American ones has been a rocky one, with Tom having some difficulty adapting, this has lead to him making some rather witty comments on stage. On the first evening at Union Pool they were breast based, and on the second evening at Webster hall they were aimed at glasses wearers. You know your servings are really big right? Come to the UK and weep as you have a tipple of whisky and no money left.

Gareth reminded me last night much I loved the work of Lee and Herring, and in particular This Morning with Richard not Judy. You can watch all the episodes here

In the meanwhile, enjoy this this taster.

Richard Herring and Stewart Lee are both at the wonderful Edinburgh fringe festival this month, with Lee at the strand and Herring at the underbelly.  I have seen Herring a few times, and Lee once, and they are both lollosome and roffoly. If you are going there then see some contempory theatre for me, as well as Neil Gaiman doing some of this,

Ellen x

[look-at-the-soul]

Hi! It's gossip girl❤️❤️ I missed our little messages too! Luckily school isn't too bad right now so I hoping to be able to keep up on here a bit better now! I hope you're doing well!! I got to read so of the stories you've done recently and they've all been brilliant! I especially liked the one you posted yesterday! Make your home in my heart! ❤️ it was so cute! I love how soft Tommy was with her and how he took time to care for her! ❤️❤️ and I also liked the Runway! I haven't seen Anna but I heard it's good! And I loved how you made the story begin!

I've been doing alright! My break was nice and exams went pretty well! My classes this semester are a bit harder though so that's a bit of a challenge though 😂🥲😂

And I think my anxiety is doing a bit better now! I think I may actually try to post something within. Like two weeks maybe! 

I know I mentioned I had writers block but you know what😂 I got to go home for this weekend and had to fly. So I was like determined to try and finish at least one of my stories. And not only did I finish both but I've got 20k+ words broken up over about 6 different stories done now😂 One I still need to finish though! I kinda surprised myself too because I was typing stuff on the plane and usually I'm nervous annoy people seeing that stuff. But I lucked out both times and no one was in the seat next to me, which I think helped! 😂And I actually have more ideas I wanna get done by next week too😂 It was actually your little idea about Drabble that helped me get out of it too! So thank you for that! ❤️ Once I remembered that I didn't have to write a super long story it was a bit easier for me to cut down in what wasn't important! I have some bullet point ideas or mini Drabble that I've also almost got done too! There is one idea that I may send an other ask about though! It's something I be been wanting to write because I think I have a really good idea for a line prompt. But there's I'm a little stuck because of some of the TW's that would be included in the story and I'm not sure how'd people react? Idk if that makes sense but I can explain more in the other ask if that's ok! 

And yes! Alfie is absolutely a rich character! He's one of my favorites😂 I'm so glad he made it though the series😂 

Morpheus is pretty good! It's based of a comic by Neil Gaiman about the the Lord of Dreams (Morpheus)! And it starts off after he's been imprisoned for like 100 years and finally gets free and has to build up his kingdom again! I know it's not the busy summary but it's definitely worth the watch! And the actor who plays Morpheus (Tom Sturrige? I think it's spelled) is also very nice to look at so😂😂 but it's a pretty good show!

And I've heard of Both those movies with Cillian but haven't seen them. I've especially heard people like Breakfast on Pluto! I haven't heard of Virgin River though! What's it about? 

And I will say that we have interacted before but again I've kinda been hiding around for the last little bit 😂 And I honestly started the same way as you to, only on anon then I decided to share on thing and people seems to like it so I tried sharing more😂 Then I went into hiding again but you know, I think I might come out of my cave soon😅 And thank you for all your encouragement too! You really have helped me be less nervous about it all!❤️ 

And I haven't actually seen Sex and the City, but I've heard of that one too! But I get what you mean by being apprehensive to second parts! Sometimes the producers should have just stuck to one😂 but I do know that gossip girl is on HBO if you couldn't find it! 

Ohhh and local cafe's are fun! I wish there were some more near me I could go to😂 My college is great but it's not really in a big city where there's lots of cafes😂 We do have a few boba shops that could probably work pretty well though! Does coffee flavored boba count? 😂 And ohh I did see that you were writing for them! I still haven't seen a Quiet Place two yet, but I've seen part of Anna (didn't get to finish it) and I do really enjoy the Nolan Batman's (Cillian is very good at playing the characters who are a little psycho😂) But I can't think of anything specific to see with this right now! If I think of something I'll definitely let you know though!! ❤️

Aside from all the fics I've been trying to catch up on, I have a few mystery novels I want to finish! Most of what I've read though this year had been my textbooks though 😂

And I hope your days have been going alright and will only get better from her on!🥰🥰You're amazing!! Thank you for all your advice! And I'll be sure to send that ask about you opinion on an idea I had after this! ❤️❤️❤️ 

XoXo Gossip Girl!

Hello gossip girl!!!

How have you been?

I’m glad to hear school is doing alright:) thank you so much! I’ve been writing more and faster (I think hehe) aww thank you! It makes me so happy to know you liked that story! I’m a firmly believer that Tommy would be a sweet man, he just couldn’t leave her there in the pouring rain at night… and she managed to win his heart too. (I might have a second part planned for later) but first I need to finish the ancient request I got a while ago, I think there are 2 more stories in my drafts (gotta hurry up). I’m writing the second part to The Runway!!! And I’m so excited about it 🥰 looove Lenny!

Congratulations on the good grades! Keep the hard work going ☺️ oh but I’m sure you will do it just fine! Trust yourself (best of luck with your classes!)

Remember to take deep breaths, try to think of the things that gives you peace usually (and of course post the stories you’ve been working!), it will be just fine 😉

Oh I think airports are a great source of inspiration, wow! That’s an impressive work, you have been writing a lot! It makes me so happy to hear that! Yeah I don’t like neighbors looking at what you’re doing haha I get so nervous, but you were neighbor’s free so it must’ve helped a lot. Did you keep writing? *eyes*… oh that post helped me too! Like a lot! Sometimes I pressure myself to write something long, over X words but when I read that I was like… wait a minute, some stories can work great as short, a Drabble… 🥰💕 aww you’re welcome! It makes my entire world to know you’ve found some inspiration in my silly posts… my job is done here. We don’t even realize the pressure we put on ourselves sometimes right? Some stories are mean to be short, a mini series, a long series or a one shot, and it’s perfectly fine, what really matters is that we write what we want and enjoy it.

In your other post you mention SA, but I don’t know what it means? And also TW’s? 🙈 also do you want me to post the other message with the ideas for your story? Let me know!… okay the general idea sounds great to me! I just have a few questions to fully understand the plot, which I will share on your next message if you tell me you are okay with me posting it. But to answer your dilemma, I’d say go for it because internally you’ve been thinking about it since the beginning! Don’t doubt yourself on it, whatever path you choose is going to be the right one because it’s part of your original idea 😉😊

Alfie was a great addition to the show! He is so interesting and unique, he has a lot of things to bring to the table…

Oh wow Morpheus sounds interesting 🤔 I will try to see if it’s around the platform I have subscription from, or at least a small video to get an idea of the show, although to tell you the truth? I find it hard to get hooked with another series than peaky, what have they done to me? I want/need 10 more series ahaha (said the frustrated one) 😂 but it would be good to have something else to look at.

Breakfast on Pluto was amazing, I loved his character there (I think they did it way too early tho, he could’ve won an Oscar for it years later, but we know he’s not after that… Virgin River is a small (and perfect) little town full of mountains and rivers and nice people, so Mel is a practitioner nurse,widow and she arrives to start her job at the small clinic, she meets Jack a former soldier and they fall in love, but things aren’t easy so there are a million ups and downs, a pregnant ex, the noisy neighbors, flashbacks from the war… it’s so good!

Wow don’t hide! I love interacting with you on anon messages so I guess it’s the same with your own blog 😉 but whatever makes you feel comfortable! I hope you decide to share more and more,the first one is the hardest, so… we’ll be waiting with open arms when you decide to leave the cave 💖 ah anytime sweetheart! Happy to help :)

Yeah I didn’t watch it either but a friend told me what happened and I was like O.o nope I’m not watching that hehe I mean, they left Samantha out *horror face* they had the audacity *gasp* hahah yeahI think whatever you fancy to drink works ;) what does flavored boba tastes? Ahh you *need* to watch AQP2, I was reluctant at first, but Emmett won my heart over… Anna meh, the general idea was amazing, but I think the movie had something missing? Is it just me? I mean why would they make Anna have a girlfriend and be with Lenny and the other agent…? What’s the point? Yeah living la vida loca, I get it, but (?) did he took her to Hawaii? Did the gf found out Anna cheated? I have a lot of questions haha that’s why I write for him lol and I love the psycho characters too! *high five* Jonathan Crane was great, but one of the best roles for me will always be Anthropoid and the edge of love, (love the war theme).

Oh please share the reading list! I love finding new pieces to read, I have a John Banville novel I bought back in November and I haven’t read it yet… I am too behind some stories (I need to catch up on reading asap..), but it will be around so I try to not pressure myself a lot, sometimes it’s just hard to keep up with everything. Ahah I bet you have! Luckily you will find some time to read novels and fiction during your free time ☺️

Days have been alright thanks, I’m doing my nails old way (Idont want to do gel anymore there are loads of videos saying how much damage it can make on the skin and although I really didn’t use the UV lamp like once a week, I want to protect my skin as much as I can…I’ve been writing a lot, more than usual so I’m trying to maximize the inspiration spree, days have been warmer and I want to see if I can find a friend to go to a concert in June, so wish me luck!

Thank you for your beautiful words 🥺 I am here to chat whenever you need, and to me you’re amazing as well! So brave and I wish you nothing but the best in every aspect of your life, see you around xx