#which probably shouldn't be how that goes!! but here we are in my brain

[zoloteh-volossya]

Minthy and Trust

One of the interesting things about the evil endings from patch 7 is how surprised Minthara is if you enthrall her with the Brain or murder her as a Dark Urge who embraced Bhaal. I've talked a little bit about it before here, but a conversation with @alicelufenia that resulted from that post got me thinking.

Minthara grew up in a culture where backstabbing is pretty much de rigueur. She has spent at least two centuries living and loving in a city where she could not trust anybody, and where lovers and family alike may try and betray or murder her at any given moment. It's implied that she's survived multiple such attempts. Why, then, does she put such complete and total trust in you? Shouldn't she be more wary?

Part of it could be her faith - or rather, the gaping hole where her faith once was. She was completely devoted to Lolth until she encountered the Absolute, and while her faith in the Absolute was forced I think the habits we see - her prayer after her romance scene, for instance - are genuine. After Moonrise, she has lost two faiths in rapid succession. I think she'd done with gods for good, but still wants - almost reflexively - something or someone to believe in. Lolth's favor is described in some D&D novels as being able to feel her love, however fleetingly. I think a partner whose acceptance and affection she can actually feel goes a long way to filling that sudden void in her life. (I also feel like she does best with direction, that fundamentally to some extent she is a follower and not a leader. A partner provides the support she prefers in this sort of context; she can essentially make them her purpose. But this is more of a headcanon and not as strongly textually supported so I will not actually argue it. Feel free to disagree.)

Part of it could also be her loneliness. Minthara is clearly an introvert but all people need social contact of some sort. Back in Menzoberranzan, she would have been enmeshed in a strict social sphere that would have provided both regular opportunities for social engagement and rules for how to go about it. Minthy obviously feels very defined by her (former) social station - per her act 2 romance scene she doesn't know who she is without it - and laments the loss of the structure of her former life. On the surface, she thinks (incorrectly) that no one likes her, and she lacks the status and strict rules of behavior that once shielded her. She has nothing and no one... until the protagonist comes along. Once in a relationship with them, it feels like Minthara is almost trying to make them the entirety of her social life (which is hella unhealthy, girl). We see this the most in the evil endings, where she is fine with the loss of all the companions so long as she and the protagonist are together.

But my above two paragraphs explain why Minthy would want to trust the protagonist (a want, a burning driving need, a drowning woman grasping a rope, desperation making her overlook warning signs and red flags), not why she actually does. I think the answer to that can probably be found in her act 2 romance scene. She asks to see the protagonist's mind in their entirety and uses it to verify the protagonist's opinion of her. This is something she never was able to do in Menzoberranzan. For once in her life, she (thinks she) is able to confirm that this lover is safe, that she can completely unabashedly trust them. And so she does - she throws herself into it completely and utterly, as she does everything she sets herself to. It never occurs to her that this might be a false assurance, that her partner could change or be less devoted in their affections than she is. She checked; it's safe.

Until it isn't.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

SHANE MY BELOVED anyways gonna request based on an oc that i made/an ai chatbot chat that i did recently. selectively mute reader with shane, and how their relationship evolves? strangers to lovers probs. hcs or oneshot/drabble :3 -galaxy

WAHOOO

I got 5 hearts with him as we speak so this is perfect timing <3

......

Settling into Stardew Valley was certainly going to be a challenge, especially with the new life you wanted to build here..and of course that entails meeting new people.

For most of your life, you've been selectively mute, only ever using your voice if you absolutely have to.

You never used it much at your previous office job, but it was still quite soulless and didn't make you feel good.

Even so, Lewis doesn't think you should stay a stranger and insists you introduce yourself to folks in Pelican Town.

You couldn't ignore the letters stuffed into your mailbox forever..so you finally headed into town.

While some villagers regarded you as "quiet", many of them chalked it up to you being new and welcomed you anyways.

Although Shane is indifferent and annoyed--as he is to most strangers.

You accidentally bumped into him, and he thinks you're rude for not saying "sorry".

Your brain sorta panics as you sign the words...but from the way he stares at you, you realize he doesn't understand what you're saying.

By the time you get out your notepad, he's long gone, mumbling about being late to his shift.

Since then, you try being polite and wave to him anytime you see him in the street or at the saloon..but he just wonders why you're bothering him.

One thing he kept noticing at the bar was that you always gave your order to Gus on your notepad, and he starts thinking there is a reason you can't talk and you weren't just being a dick specifically to him that day.

Still, he doesn't ask you. You're probably gonna stop trying to befriend him sooner or later. So why should he care?

One day, you approach Shane while he's working at JojaMart and asked him where a certain food ingredient was, pointing to your shopping list..and you see that irritable look in his eye again.

He had customers mixing up things on the shelves and snapping at him for things outside his control--and you caught him on a rather bad day.

He says nothing and just points further down the isle, but you just smile and mouth "thank you", signing the words before continuing on.

Poor guy goes red, convinced you blew a kiss at him just now...and it's all he could think about for the rest of his shift.

The very next day, you show up at Marnie's place with a fresh pizza, asking if Shane was home.

He gets flustered as HELL when he realizes you were at the mart buying ingredients to make one of his favorite foods...and he acted like a total jackass.

You left a note inside the container, which basically tells him you're selectively mute and realized your farm was just down the road from his aunt's ranch.

After reading it, he awkwardly apologizes and asks for a fresh start, to which you just smile and nod.

Jas, at this point, can see he's got a crush on you.

After that was cleared up, you two become friends and hangout together at the saloon often or share a beer on the dock.

You don't talk, but tbh Shane appreciates the silence between you two. He didn't have to force conversation, and neither did you.

Although that also enables him to vent to you about how downtrodden and repetitive his life feels, with you simply listening and accompanying him home.

It doesn't change the fact he felt like a burden to everyone, and one night you found him on the cliffside, his face covered in mud and tears, ready to give up on the world.

In his drunken haze, he forgot you were mute and wants you to tell him why he shouldn't do it..

"No wait..I..forgot you can't-"

"Shane..I'm here for you." Your voice comes out low, hoarse, and a little shaky, but he stopped sobbing the moment he heard it..and he stares up at you in shock.

"S-So..you do speak.." He mumbles. "You sound....like--like an angel...fuck..maybe they do exist. So you'll...be here for me no matter what? Even if I did something stupid...?"

You simply nod, and that makes him change his mind.

He just can't believe that out of all the people in this town, you chose to open up to him--some sad sack of shit who was about to jump off the cliff--and decide he should be the one to hear your voice first.

You actually wanted him around. And you never hated him despite all the times he was rude to you..

After he nearly vomits all over your shoes, you take him to the hospital, knowing he needed Harvey's intervention, and since then you've been supportive of his recovery journey.

He only remembers bits and pieces from that night..although the one thing he couldn't forget was hearing your voice.

It was probably so difficult for you to find it again, and he appreciates you talking him down, even if you had to close up and go totally silent for the next few days or so.

If you ever go into why you became selectively mute, Shane will do his absolute best to understand (and maybe get a little overprotective in the process if someone makes fun of you for it).

But if not, he'll still defend you regardless.

You teach him a few general phrases in sign language, which he tries to grasp and eventually gets the hang of.

At some point down the line..he asks you out on a festival date after much pressure from Jas and Marnie, and you were so excited you nearly yelled out "YES"-

But instead managed to nod happily, taking his hand and dragging him towards the celebration without a second thought.

Soon that little date turns into a genuine relationship, with Shane eventually moving onto your farm to help you care for the crops and animals, switching to alternatives to beer and promising to cut back on the hours he spends at the saloon.

Some days you'll be away mining, fishing, slaying monsters, or helping the Junimos rebuild the community center, but other times you'll stay inside and just cuddle with him, your pet, and the chickens.

He was muddling over why you chose him (a lot of self doubt still festers inside of him), and you spoke to him again--this time to his sober-self.

That was "because I love you".

And yes...he did cry.

[thisapplepielife]

Written for the @corrodedcoffinfest May warm-up round.

These Keys?

Prompt: Get a Job | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: Language, Off-Screen Recreational Weed Use | POV: Gareth | Pairing: Steddie | Tags: AU, Gareth Fakes It Until He Can Make It, Car Dealership, Gareth & Steve, Meet Ugly, Eddie Only Tortures Those He Loves Most

Gareth is dozing at his desk, when a knock on his office door startles him awake, "Your two o'clock is here." 

Gareth didn't remember having a two o'clock, but he stands up and tries to smooth out his suit. It's two sizes too big, and something Eddie found for him at a thrift store. It's ugly, but works, for now. He's just working this job selling cars, saving some goddamn money, until the band can start playing full-time. Hopefully. That's the dream, anyway.

He's not very good at it, not like Eddie would be, but Eddie was a no-go with his hair that he refused to cut to be a corporate shill, or whatever he ranted about.

There's a guy standing in the showroom, waiting. Preppy and coiffed within an inch of his life. Great. 

But Gareth approaches him, because he looks like he has money. And money means the chance at a commission. So, Gareth tries to shake the cobwebs out of his brain.

"I'm Steve. We talked on the phone earlier," this guy says, and Gareth reaches out to shake his hand. He has no memory of this alleged conversation. Maybe he shouldn't have gotten so stoned with Eddie during his lunch break.

Rolling out of the van loose and faded after lunch, probably wasn't the best idea he's ever had. 

But he hates this job. He can't sell cars. He knows nothing about them. 

"What can I help you with, Steve?" Gareth asks, and Steve's just staring at him, definitely annoyed. What's his damn problem?

"As I said on the phone, my lease is up. I need to find out how much it will be to buy mine out, or lease something new."

"Cool. Cool. Totally, man. We can do that."

"How about this one?" Gareth asks, looking at a BMW he's never seen on the lot before. It's shiny. Really, really shiny. He runs his hand over the roof. "Pretty, right?"

"Uh, yeah," Steve says, but sounds less than enthused, crossing his arms over his chest, and it looks a little aggressive, "Well, how much? What's the mileage?"

Man, he's bitchy.

There's no sticker, but Gareth can find out how much they're asking. He'll just bullshit until then. 

"It's new on the lot," Gareth says, and tries to pull up on the handle, but it doesn't budge.

"Locked, huh?" Steve asks. "Maybe you need the keys?"

Gareth presses his face to the window, to see if he can see the odometer from here, but can't.

"Yeah, I'll get the keys. I'll be right back. Wait here."

"Sure, okay. I'll be waiting," Steve snaps, and Gareth strides off towards the dealership. 

When he comes back, with no keys, Steve is talking to Keith. Goddamnit. 

"Do you know where the keys to this car are?" Gareth asks Keith, interrupting.

Steve pulls a set of keys out of his pocket, "These keys?"

"Where'd you get those?" Gareth asks.

"It's my car, Gareth. This is the car I drove here. The one I've been leasing from you guys for the past two years. The one I told you about, on the phone."

Keith shakes his head, disappointed, and points Gareth back towards the showroom.

He's been dismissed, and his potential commission, gone. Probably his job. A lease would have made sure they wouldn't fire him. Fuck. He didn't know that was Steve's car. How could he have known? Steve could have said something, for fuck's sake. Prick.

And now Gareth just has to stand by watching as Steve goes over the paperwork on his new car. The one Gareth definitely isn't going to sell him. Keith made sure of it. 

Today's not his day. 

At least it's winding to a close, and when Eddie pulls up in the van, Gareth walks toward it, relieved to be done with Keith, Steve, and this job for another day.

But then he notices that Steve is following him. Which, weird. Surely he's not gonna kick his ass over a dumb mistake. He was just a little baked. That's all. 

Gareth pauses. And so does Steve. 

"What?" Gareth asks. 

"What, what?" Steve repeats. 

"Why are you following me?" Gareth asks.

"I'm not following you," Steve says, clearly following him.

"You are." 

"I'm not."

They're still arguing, this childish back and forth, when Eddie gets out and leans against the van. 

"Soooo, I see you've met," Eddie says.

And they both turn to look in his direction. 

"You know him?!" they both yell, in unison. 

And Eddie just cackles. 

"You set me up!" Gareth accuses, pointing at Eddie.

"Well, maybe. A little. But it was mainly Steve I was harassing." 

And then Gareth gets it. 

"This is your Steve?" Gareth asks, pointing at the preppy-looking motherfucker standing next to him.

Eddie nods, pleased with himself, clearly. 

"Eddie! You lost me my commission!"

Steve is rubbing his eyebrow, "Gareth. Shoulda realized. How common could that name be?"

He's muttering quietly and Gareth is scared they've broken him. 

Eddie must be pretty sure about this one, if he's already picking on him this goddamn hard. 

Steve snaps out of it, suddenly striding over towards Keith.

Gareth follows.

"Hey, Gareth was helping me first. He's the one I had the appointment with, so I'd like to finish this up with him. See it through."

"But, are you, I…" Keith splutters, not wanting to let this one go, obviously, and Gareth just grins and holds out his hand for the halfway filled-out lease. 

Keith hands it over, and Gareth leads Steve and Eddie back to his office.

Steve signs on the dotted line, and Gareth will be able to pay his rent for another month. And he hit his monthly bonus, right at the end of the month. Hot damn.

"Thanks, Steve," Gareth says, "Sorry we got off on the wrong foot."

Steve just lulls his head towards Eddie, "Now, we had a little help with that, didn't we?"

And Eddie just cackles, like the shitty troll he is.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @corrodedcoffinfest and follow along with the fun! 🦇

Notes: Inspiration for this one, was I saw this video a couple months ago, and had to track down the original on TikTok to share it here. But: Graham, Gareth. It made sense. (And I found there were updates to the Graham debacle!!)

[tired-reader-writer]

Arslan Senki Chapter 132

Received screencaps from @innerchorus , thank you for your service, and without further ado here we go!

Gieve knows. Gieve knows what Tahamenay has done. I don't know why but this is tickling my brain.

Screencap not featured but I believe there's a mistranslation on this page. Yeah that would make sense. Arslan's line, “There is to be more fighting between Parsians” I think should've been “There is to be no more fighting between Parsians” instead.

Wasn't expecting to see Tus wear such an expression but I guess this is the appropriate response for news like this.

Zaravant's reaction was funny, ngl.

Not much in terms of commentary, just interesting how rumors evolve— and makes sense considering how little information people had regarding the duel.

“queen consort” and “his majesty”. There's just something incredibly heartbreaking about how Arslan no longer calls them “mother” and “father”, though I suppose they haven't been much of parents to him in the first place. It's just. It makes it sink in, y'know? They're not his parents. Not even in name. Not anymore.

Walking through the courtyard where Arslan used to receive lessons from Vahriz, now dilapidated... I too can't believe it's been only a year in-universe since then, if even that. How long has it been for us? The manga started in 2013. It's 2024 now. Eleven years for us, even if I did join the fray somewhat late.

Sorry, I'm just getting emotional over here.

BUT THEN.

UNDEAD VAHRIZ.

OHHHHH I DO NOT LIKE THIS AT ALL. THE HEAD DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT GOES WITH THE REST OF THE BODY, ESPECIALLY NOT IN THIS PANEL.

And this panel especially shows the damage on his head. HOW ABOUT I SCREAM, ARAKAWA.

Okay, another mistranslation in the chapter, this time a line from Kishward: “I saw your head displayed at the city gates.” Kishward was not in or near Ecbatana in that time frame, he did not and could not have seen Manuchurh's head. Probably this line was meant to say: “Your head was seen displayed at the city gates.”

In any case though the soldiers get all excited to see a marzban alive (it seems Manuchurh could've possibly been well-respected and beloved? which could mean numerous things for what I have in store for him for Wolfsong...)

Not pictured but y'all. The way Manuchurh is drawn, as well... Freaky as fuck. Looks so creepy and unnatural and I do not like it.

The way he's drawn here (and I've had this thought ever since I saw undead Shapur from the previous chapter) feels like they have no body (just heads + limbs protruding from formless smoke), the posture and stuff just feels really, really unnatural, I wonder what's going on beneath those shrouds. All the undead marzban were shown with bandaged limbs, does it perhaps mean something?

OH OKAY NO THEORY IMMEDIATELY DEBUNKED. Kharlan at least seems to have a solid body from what I can tell— which would mean the unnatural posture and movements a side effect of being puppeted by Team Zahhak rather than having no corporeal body.

...maybe they move uncaring that their own bodies and bones are being harmed, they're dead after all, what is there for them to care about anymore? That would explain the unnatural vibes.

BRUH I'm gonna have nightmares for days.

Zandeh even gets injured because he was too shocked to react in time— but thankfully our Durian Denka comes to the rescue! He held Kharlan off.

And he's rightfully pissed at Team Zahhak for this. High time you realized their evilness, boy. You shouldn't have been so harsh on Saam.

[odetoviscera]

Baldur's Gate 3: The Evil Experience

on the recommendation of @leupagus: My Very Special Evil Boy, Vexation. don't worry about the blood, it's a fashion choice.

if you've been wondering how evil you can be in baldur's gate 3, wonder no more-- So Evil.

so beginning at the beginning, i of course chose the Dark Urge (obvious serial killer) origin, who is conveniently customizable, so i also made him Drow and a Lolth Worshipper and a Warlock (all of which has made him only marginally more evil, tbh, mostly the related dialogue options make him a smug bastard, although OCCASIONALLY this will give him a "hmm what if i enslaved you" option which people do indeed react to as if he's an evil maniac and they should flee and/or try to kill him. this goes great for them considering i'm the protagonist.)

i wake up on an illithid ship with no memories, as one does. i befriend a walking talking brain, by which i mean i lobotomize it so that i can more easily control and manipulate it, as one does. i may not know who i am, but i definitely know that i am powerful, mean, and more important than everyone here. also i have a great old one in my brain giving me eldritch blast, so the tadpole wriggling around in there seems normal. i crash the ship sort of accidentally and am set loose on my merry way to wrack the Sword Coast with terrible mayhem. probably. as soon as i figure out if i'm about to turn into a mindflayer.

the first sign of my uncontrollable evil mania was when i tried to talk to a squirrel in act one (actually, i tell a lie, the FIRST sign was when i was tempted to hack Gale's hand off instead of dragging him out of the portal he got stuck in, but i decided i needed a wizard more than a dismembered hand) and the narrator informed me i had been Gripped By A Compulsion and promptly dropkicked the squirrel into a tree. it died, obviously. i was given the option to decide if i cared about this and decided that my opinion was a frankly inappropriate level of malicious glee considering the heights from which i, clearly child of murder, have obviously fallen to get amnesia and get tadpoled and fall out of the sky on a dying illithid spaceship. anyway this set me up for Being Maximally Deranged, however there is No Karma Meter or any equivalent system to MEASURE your evil or limit your dialogue options-- i have free reign at all times, i COULD decide that suddenly i'm going to be a Repentant Murderer, i can do Nice Things if i want the reward or the exp or i am exercising my single scintilla of compassion accidentally inculcated by my eventual three simultaneous romances (one of which is with the mindflayer who lives in my brain/an artifact stopping ME from becoming a mindflayer. this game is so horny, very classic dnd "i roll to romance the villain". except i am also the villain.) at this point i have no romances, though-- at this point my companions watch me kick a squirrel to death and their collective response is "well… that seemed… excessive."

i also have the option to tell every single one of them individually that i am driven by a blood mania to murder and destruction. opinions of this range from "well admitting you have a problem is the first step!" to "that's nice, just point it at the enemy instead of ME". no one seems appropriately concerned about this. they'll learn.

anyway the next sign of my uncontrollable evil mania is that when i decided to be nice to a bard for no reason and she showed up at our next long rest to Join The Party (oh we do get a bard companion, that's nice, i said, like a fool.) i promptly murdered her in the night. as in i woke up covered in blood with her corpse ritually slaughtered at my feet and said "hm. probably shouldn't let anyone else find out i did this" and then sulked when no one gave me proper respect and rewards for murdering her. fortunately the next day my Evil Butler materialized to do just that, and proved he wasn't a figment of my imagination by giving me an Evil Cloak that lets me turn invisible everytime i murder someone. i spend the next half an act or so convinced i'm going to slowly kill off my party, but fortunately i develop the ability to control myself. now i only murder when I WANT to murder.

the rest of act one i am SORT OF a good boy-- i do deliberately get a child killed but i don't PERSONALLY kill her, i get a druid's snake to do it, so does it really count against MY soul? yes but only me and daddy bhaal know it so i am able to continue playing Goody Two Shoes for the rest of the act. (i don't know he's my daddy yet, but like… i know it. i, the player, know it. in my soul. i've played these games before.) delightful fallout, my child murder gets the druid killed after i Helpfully Save The Tieflings by telling the opposing force i'll totally help them break in and kill them all, then betraying them at the last minute. i kill so so so many goblins. i get an inspiration point for how many goblins i kill. goblins are still sentient. It's Still Murder.

act two, however, empowered by all my Blood And Chaos, i turn over a new leaf. sure sure being lauded by the tieflings was fun and all, but i do somewhat regret not killing EVERYONE. i'll do better this time. this shadow-cursed hellscape is really vibing with me. it's also trying to eat me every time i'm not carrying a magic lamp but you can't win 'em all. i pretend that i'm with the antagonists (can you call them villains when I'M the villain?) so i can get their lamp. it's carried by a drider who does not appreciate my sincere compliments about how beautifully fucked up he is. his loss, i'm down to fuck anyone. i'm already fucking a githyanki and a vampire spawn.

when i get to the Big Bad Tower where supposedly they'll know about my tadpole, i discover they know something WAY MORE IMPORTANT: who the fuck i am. everyone here recognizes me. no one will tell me anything. several of them are appropriately terrified. this is infuriating but also promising. the Big Bad is a smug dick and i want to eat his heart raw. i daydream about this.

my butler arrives to tell me if i murder a Special Girl i'll get a treat. i like treats and i LOVE murder so i go looking for her. she's maintaining a Magic Selenite Moon Shield over the single not-shadow-cursed place here, which i hate on principle-- also it's a harper outpost and i hate them too, they'd probably disapprove of murder. some rando minion with wings drops in to tell me the Big Bad of the region wants to kidnap her (ALIVE, he specifies) so obviously i now double want to kill her. i kill her in one round. the magic shield collapses. EVERYONE dies (including the tieflings i saved in act one! full circle.) and then i kill their shadow-cursed undead corpses again, for good measure.

my treat is getting to turn into the slayer. i KNEW i was a bhaalspawn.

behold my true glorious visage. (with blep.) my only complaint is that i can only become this hulking death machine once per long rest. it is, however, not a turn-limited form, i can stay in it Forever if no one kills me as long as i'm willing to Just Murder No Talking. also it has a spectacular ladder-climbing animation, this bitch goes down ladders face-down like a lizard, i love him.)

anyway i don't go back to the Big Bad Tower bc presumably they'll be mad about the dead girl (i'm guessing she's Big Bad's dead daughter miraculously resurrected. i'm totally right by the way.) but the last time i was there i got a quest to find the Big Bad's Relic, which is obviously his phylactery or something since he's got a whole death aesthetic-- after a whole Temple of Shar sequence it turns out his phylactery is a captive aasimar actually. my companion wants to murder her for shar-related reasons, so i give her the go-ahead since i don't have any SPECIAL reason to kill her myself. my companions should get to be evil occasionally too.

with his phylactery dead, it's pretty easy to mow through the Big Bad Tower, especially since i can now turn into the Death Machine. i don't have to talk to anyone here. i can Just Murder.

nearly kill the Big Bad but he flees to his basement, where it turns out there's an mindflayer colony, big deal, we've all got tadpoles in our brains (i've been eating other tadpoles for extra power along the way, because of course i have) okay fine it's a slightly big deal bc there's an elder brain here that my Special Mindflayer Friend is shielding us from whatever. it's under the control of the Big Bad who's death aesthetic turns out to be that he's the Chosen of Myrkul, and also here are reps of the other Dead Three, Bane and My Daddy. i hate bhaal's chosen on sight, as is traditional for a bhaalspawn. i will murder her someday. i will murder her SO GOOD.

unfortunately she and the baneite fuck off with their elder brain to lay siege to baldur's gate while i'm daydreaming about it, so for now all i get to murder is Big Bad Myrkul Edition. moderately satisfying. he turns in an Avatar of Myrkul in the second half but i destroy him so quickly he doesn't even get to regenerate with the hojillion corpses in the area. nobody murders like vexation.

off to baldur's gate to save the city/get bigger hunting grounds!

i do cure the shadow curse on my way out though, because i'm never coming back and i've left the place a blighted wasteland, why not, it gets me a pet druid.

there's also some drama with githyanki and vlaakith, as usual, turns out the Rebel Prince Orpheus is actually how my particular mindflayer (who is finally revealing that he's a mindflayer, a thing i have suspected all along because of all the psychic shit he does) is doing the shielding, etc. etc. also i let my mindflayer boyfriend turn me in a half-illithid, which means i get no tentacles but a BUNCH of new mindflayer powers to make me an even better murderer. can't wait to see who wins in the tug-of-war for my mind, body, and soul--the illithids, my great old one beyond the stars, a devil who keeps trying to get my attention, my vampire boyfriend who wants to ascend to vampire god, or Murder Daddy. my bet is murder daddy.

anyway we get to baldur's gate, where i break in bc i don't want any guards to know i'm here-- just jumped and flew my way up the side of the bridge past the checkpoint. easy peasy now that i have illithid flight powers on command no cooldowns just Psychically Levitate wherever i want to go. also i can turn into a displacer beast. that's right, i now have to option to become TWO DIFFERENT terrifying horror beasts and rip through mobs like papier-mache. my patron really needs to keep up, warlock powers are falling behind. (no they aren't, i've hit level 10 and can now eldritch blast three times in one round and every hit knocks enemies back and terrifies them. i'm gonna chew this city up and swallow it one bite.)

however, first thing when i get into the citadel: the baneite is being coronated Archduke, bc of course he is. so i head up to see if there's a chance to murder him and a room full of peers, BUT. for the first time EVER-- this little shit is willing to tell me Who I Am. Assassin of Bhaal, former high priest of His Temple, and ONE OF THE INVENTORS OF THIS CONQUEST PLAN. that little bhaalite chosen is my bhaalspawn sister (obviously) who fucking tadpoled me, gave me amnesia, and discarded me before making sure my corpse was cold. this will be a mistake! FOR HER.

in the meantime the baneite wants me to know that he is a big fan of mine, would i like to murder my sister since i already murdered the myrkulite, and then he and i can rule this city together with an iron grip and a blood knife, since he's sure he'll have a lot of use for an assassin as a tyrant. mind-reading and my brain-illithid agree that he is actually on the level about this, at least for the moment, so of course i agree. i will rule this city. and then i will murder him. and then i will murder EVERYONE. in THE WORLD.

so now i'm hunting the current chosen of bhaal so i can kill her and steal her place-- my butler is sending me divine visions of it, SHE can't turn into the slayer, i am evil daddy's favourite. she's also kidnapped one of my companions and is threatening to kill her if i show up but i care about that less.

and that's where i am so far! will report on Future Evils.

[doublel27]

That’s so valid about Owen. “I’m gonna go annoy my kids now”

And there was something so squishy about the 3 of them being a lil family unit now 🥹

I'm sure whoever you are, dear sweet nonny, you threw this in here knowing I would likely meta on about it.

And I've been thinking about the end scenes nearly all day.

I'm notoriously interested in Owen as a character. He's a facinating character who, like his son, has had his life scarred by loss. Owen's whole raison d'etre is saving his brother. It's why saving that one little girl from drowning sent him into a life focused on saving others. Then he lost his entire firehouse in 9/11, and slowly lost other survivors of 9/11 to cancer and mental health disorders.

Then, he has to bring his son back from the dead and moves him to Texas in an attempt to save his life and restart, all while diagnosed with cancer. We lose Tim Rosewater which sets Owen into deep levels of depression and guilt, because he'll never be able to keep the promise that everyone who starts a shift goes home at the end of it.

Gwyn is in town, and they're still in love and he's working on making it work. They're gonna have a baby and Owen has a redo. He's got a chance to do it RIGHT this time. Because Owen's fatal flaw is always believing if things had been different, if he had been better, if he'd beena moment sooner: maybe he could have fixed things. He had a whole speech to that effect in last night's episode, where he figured if he'd known about 9/11 ahead of time that he could have prevented his whole team from dying.

Then the baby's not his and Gwyn leaves and whatever Owen managed to cobble together of his mental health for Gwyn and teh baby disipates and there's a lot of very classic PTSD/depressive/anxiety things that come up in Owen.

And then we lose Gwyn which is devestating to everyone but Owen soldiers on for TK, but he's...not doing well, at all. He finally gets his ass to therapy and even though we see him make some progress he's still keeping TK at a distance. Mostly because TK's doing well and Owen CANT be Captain Save a Ho for TK in these moments. He does crop up (usually) when TK's struggling, but only when there's something TO DO.

This episode marked a change.

Owen, in talking with O'Brien, who is giving a speech pretty reminicent of Owen's own speeches, about how he made a promise and he didn't keep it because look at this awful thing that happened, and Owen manages to give solid reasoning to be like "Look, he's alive and his son's alive and that's something."

And then it's like the lightbulb goes off in Owen's brain as O'Brien takes off after his great nephew - that Owen is indeed alive, and his son is also alive, and that's something. He may not have saved everyone but he saved TK.

Then, Owen goes and picks up food (which is really one of Carlos and TK's main love langauges, is feeding people - TK does it with takeout because he shouldn't be in the kitchen) and brings it over. But he doesn't just pick up any take out, he picks up the chinese food that TK introduced Gwyn to that they used to eat as a family.

I take this to be significant in multiple ways:

One, the Gwyneth Morgan of it all. Owen picked something that was a family thing and brought it over. Which is a very significant thing to do.

Two, it's one of the few times that food is involved and Owen doesn't mention the healthy/unhealthy nature of the food. Look, I could probably write a whole disertation on why Owen Strand, who has survived 21 1/2 years post 9/11 is obsessed with his health, but nearly every interaction with food, Owen has a coment about it. He doesn't make a single comment about this round of chinese food. I lied, he doesn't mention it in 3.08 either. But that's in the wake of grief, and maybe here Owen's still living in it.

Three, ordering chinese is very clearly TK's comfort meal. Look, a lot of us who are neurospicy joke about TK being neurospicy. And when you are neurospicy, there are certain foods that are..."safe" or an instant "yes" all the time. And we default to them often. I know when I'm struggling when I'm like "It's a comfort food day." (I have a rotation) but it eliminates decision fatigue and the need to emotionally regulate if it's not exactly what you wanted. Chinese food has a connection to Gwyn, and comfort and it comes up a lot when TK's stressed. (Even in 3.03, when Carlos doesn't come home, TK ordered chinese for them)

And then Owen does something he hasn't done...at all...since TK moved out (maybe they did when they moved into Owen's house and I don't know where they had chinese in 3.08) but Owen shows up at their place to share a meal with them.

And it's significant because TK and Carlos have invited him over for many meals between seasons 2 and 3, and Owen never accepts. Or, in the case of 2.11, Owen accepts and then goes off to catch an arsonist instead, which could be his hero complex but could also be a general avoidance of things that are uncomfortable for Owen, like TK growing up and not needing Owen anymore.

For as much as Owen has been an absent father for various parts of TK's life, because of his PTSD and trauma and general *waves hands* Owenness, Owen is a loving dad who would do just about anything for his son. We know this, we've watched him do it. But Carlos is also a competent control freak who Owen trusts implicitly with TK's life on numerous occasions. I do believe there's a big part of Owen's psyche that doesn't know what to do if he's not NEEDED.

But at the end of 4.06, he shows up, with chinese food, which is not needed because TK and Carlos already made a beautiful dinner and are looking very handsome, but he comes in and tells TK that he's proud of him, again. And you know, not trying to blow people up is a very low bar, but you know, TK clears it. And then they stay and have dinner, and Owen inserts himself in his son's life, not because TK needs him, but because Owen WANTS to be there, and that's such a drastic change for these two.

I love that Carlos and TK bring him in. Look, we could punish Owen for his mistakes and transgressions, but that's never been who TK is and this is his last living biological parent (Enzo forever) and TK loves him. And Carlos loves TK and respects Owen and wants them to have a good relationship.

And I cannot wait for Owen to "do what he does best" (owen's words) and be a pain in their asses about this wedding.

[ur-friendly-nbhd-cardassian]

For the ask game:

Tav/Halsin and number 33 (forcefully).

Might be a bit mean with the king of consent but I'm curious how you would do it.

If it's too difficult, you can pick any other you like :)

Have fun!

Thank you bestie <3

Hmmm.... *rubs chin* I can't see Halsin being forceful, unless it's like, in the heat of the moment when he's totally blitzed out of his brain with lust... but no one says it must be Halsin >.>

"—all this stupid CRAP, I never thought I'd hate a place more than I hate the Hells, but here I am, in the stupid Shadowlands and it SUCKS—"

Tav stomps the ground like an angry toddler, trying to shake the off the itch crawling up her legs from stepping into some shadow-cursed equivalent of tall grass.

"Tav, please, we shouldn't make so much noise. Shadows will find us."

Halsin watches her struggle with a sort of helpless compassion, unable to assist, but feeling her pain.

Somehow, it just makes it worse.

"Ohh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you, having me behave like a good girl and help you fix all this shit with a smile on my face," she seethes. "Well, I'm not you, Halsin. I have limits to how much of my comfort and feelings I'm able to ignore and push down before they blow up in my face!"

"Tav..."

Halsin sighs and tilts his head, broad shoulders drooping. It seems like her words hurt him, but she's past caring.

"No," she hisses. "I've had enough. I can't watch that selfless face of yours anymore. It's killing me, okay?"

"I'm sorry," Halsin snaps, tone finally coloring with anger. Tav didn't think she would live to see the day, but hearing that roughness in his voice feels satisfying. "You're right. I did sacrifice a lot to get here. Some might say I sacrificed almost everything. And it's still not enough. No guarantee that it was worth it. Do you understand how that feels, Tav? If not, why are you here?"

"Oh, you know, Halsin, you're so wise and based and zen—but sometimes you're being plain dumb!" Tav raises her arms to the black sky as if invoking ancient gods to witness her anguish. "Do you really not know why I do this?"

"Why don't you enlighten me?" Halsin sighs. Beside some mocking ringing in his words, his temper seems to be cooling again.

Tav stares at him, half fuming, half desperate. Does he really not see? She thought she was so obvious it hurt.

But no. Not to this man. A man who never assumes things about others because he's so damn respectful all the time.

It enrages her. And fuels her desire at the same time. She's almost sure he feels the same draw, the same irresistible pull. His eyes often travel across her body. His sight seeks her out across the campfire. She keeps catching his wistful glances every time she looks his way. But he doesn't act.

Alright. Okay. Then maybe it's time to act for him.

Tav stumps off the last of the poisonous bits of dried grass and takes a deep breath. She will only get one chance. And Hells know which way this goes... It might be the end of her every hope. But at least it will free up her chest for some other feelings than hopeless pining.

Halsin isn't looking at her: in his annoyance he's studying the surrounding area, as if the very sight of her was upsetting at the moment. He doesn't see it coming.

In the next second Tav's arms wrap around his neck as she resolutely pulls him low and close. She can only see the surprise on his face for a tiny moment before she presses her lips to his. She doesn't hold back. Knowing she's violating Halsin's own admirable code of consent, the urge to be persuasive is strong.

She can feel him resist, his lips locked tight, arms rigid—but he doesn't pull away, he doesn't push her. He's probably in shock, Tav thinks. If she lets go now, there will be no second kiss.

So she puts everything into it. Opens her mouth and glides the tip of her tongue across his lips. Her hands tangle in his hair and massage his scalp. Her torso presses to his chest, her breasts flush with his.

"Tav," he manages to breathe out a weak protest, but that just means his mouth is open, too. She doesn't hesitate to claim it—and he lets her.

His arms slowly snake around her body and pull her closer. She can hear little moans resonate in his throat. His body, hot on the coldest of days, seems to nearly burn now.

It takes every ounce of self-control for her to let go of him, but she manages. They're both breathless. Halsin's face is a mix of wild emotions—she's sure she recognizes regret among them.

"I'm sorry," she exhales, wiping her mouth. "I just needed you to know what you're doing to me."

He covers his face with a broad palm.

"I... I had no idea, Tav. I didn't mean to make you suffer. But the Shadow Curse—"

"I know," she sighs, but her irritation is only mild now. "I know. I respect your wishes, Halsin, I just... It's been a long few weeks and I've spent most of them thinking about you."

His arms drops and he's looking at her like a lost puppy.

"Me too," he whispers.

Tav smiles half-heartedly. "Good to know. That should keep me going until the Curse is lifted. Then... I hope we can pick up where we left off...?"

He chuckles and even in the dim, sickly light she can see the blush spreading across his weathered cheeks.

"That's a promise."

Okay, this was WILD xD I thank you very much for the prompt again, because I had fun coming up with this. Naturally it turned out muuuuch longer than I planned, but that's me, lol.

Hope you like it ;)

[guardiangeologist]

Luigi's Uncharacteristically Large and also maybe Haunted House (3DS Edition): A Highly Professional Review

The entire time I've had this blog, I haven't really been sure what to use it for. I've settled on spewing my unscripted thoughts on whatever Game of the Week I've played most recently because, quite frankly, where else are they gonna go? I love my girlfriend, but these words are destined for a wider platform. I must expand my horizons. So here I am, talking about cartoon ghosts and green vacuum-wielding Italian men on the internet.

Now, let me tell you, this green man and his stupid house have been in control of my entire brain like some fucked up Italian Ratatouille for at least 10 years. I was a Luigi's Mansion Kid. What do I mean by that? I mean I roleplayed Luigi's Mansion on the school playground when I was in the 3rd grade. With the other Luigi's Mansion Kids. So it's safe to say I have some experience when it comes to this game. At times, he goes dormant. He waits patiently for another hyperfixation to pass. However, just when I least expect it, he returns from the grave (almost like a ghost?) to stage a military occupation of my frontal lobe to last the next few months.

So, there's my history. I ended up finally picking up the 3DS version of this game just before the eShop shut down (rest in piss) for shits and giggles, and only just got around to playing it this week while laying in bed with a migraine. (maybe not the smartest decision?) I mean, to start with, why was this game released for the 3DS? It came out in October 2018, at which point we were already an entire year post-Switch. I mean, I guess it would be fine, but it's just so obvious that being on the 3DS holds this game back in so many different areas (which I will get to, be patient!) and it's seriously a tragedy it hasn't been ported to Switch yet. Why put together such an amazing remake, and then bottleneck it with lackluster hardware and release it on a nearly out of service console?

In terms of positive changes? LOADS of QoL stuff. I might even go as far as to call this the definitive version of the game in spite of the few drawbacks it does present. Some examples include:

Re-fighting portrait ghosts: NO MORE RESETS!!! (Ok still some resets for speedy spirits because there's no way in hell I'm staying in the blackout for longer than I have to but that's just part of The Experience)

You can go back to the Lab from the Mansion by exiting through the front door. Finally, Luigi has learned how to open doors!

The tougher post-game Hidden Mansion, originally exclusive to the PAL version, has finally been made available to us worthless money-grubbing Americans! (Minus the disorienting flipped rooms, which I found pretty disappointing but some people will probably celebrate.) You can even get platinum ghost portraits from the Hidden Mansion which I have yet to obtain all of because jesus christ it is not easy to defeat a ghost with 150 health in a single attempt.

And now, the ghostly elephant in the room: co-op. I did try it, with my little brother as my Gooigi guinea pig. It's...I mean...honestly, it's not great. If you want to play LM1 with a friend, I can honestly recommend a ROM hack of the GameCube original more than I can recommend Nintendo's official multiplayer, which is pretty lame. For one, nothing is scaled up difficulty-wise to account for the extra player, so most battles in the game become trivial with the addition of a second experienced player (not my little brother.) But secondly, and most importantly:

the LAG.

DEAR GOD THE LAG.

I can testify that our internet is fine. The internet is not the issue, and even if it were, it shouldn't take any more bandwidth to play this game than it takes for two 3DS systems that are within 3 feet of each other and 10 feet from a router to communicate with each other. Yet, the game did not once run at full speed on either screen the entire time we played. Additionally, my brother complained several times that he couldn't even move his character. Luigi's Mansion with two players SHOULD be a chaotic mess, but adding the piddly framerate on top of it makes the game nearly unplayable.

That being said, the co-op is a disappointment, but it was never necessary for the game to be a satisfying package overall, it's better than having nothing. Though, as is typical, the work of fans definitely triumphs over Nintendo's official product in this department.

Oh, and they still didn't fix the oversight which causes you to lose the second gold diamond if you die after collecting it because the game prompts you to save while it's still on the ground... No A-Rank for me, I guess.

Mm, yes, the controls, yeah, those exist. This is one of those spots where I feel this game could have easily benefitted from just being developed for the Switch. Instead of forcing a dual-stick game onto a dying handheld with a single circle pad, maybe we could've, like, released it for the dual-stick console/handheld that was already out and had a perfectly established user base? They tried to substitute the c-stick with the gray alien nipple- or uhh..."circle pad pro"...that comes pre-installed on the New Nintendo 3DS, but it does not work well. The nub just isn't responsive enough to substitute for an entire stick, and if you want it to be a real circle pad, you have to buy an external attachment. Not to mention the nub isn't even available on every 3DS model! So like, yeah, I understand they made an honest attempt to work around the controller issues, but a better workaround would've been to just...not curse this game to irrelevancy by trapping it on a dying console.

All of that said, I spent all week playing this game, so they did something right. Curse my brain worms.

11/10 will buy this game and its sequels again every time Nintendo re-releases them.

[taylorswordsemporium]

Totally Happy and Calm

Yuri stares down at the foil-covered candy in her hand. After a generous friend of Sayori's went out shopping with the two of them, yesterday, she was gifted with some edible THC. Her favorite candy flavor, too! It's a bell-shaped peanut butter and chocolate piece. She's been nervous about taking it, since it was given to her. Being intoxicated is going to be a completely new experience. "Uuuu..."

Both Sayori and her friend assured Yuri that the dosage of the candy was very low. She can't argue, lacking knowledge of how any of this works. And she does trust Sayori, who agreed to stay sober and mind her while she undertakes this.

Yuri breathes in. Everything is fine. She takes in the scent of the lavender incense that's already burning on her nightstand. Let it flow over you and calm you...

The purple-haired woman examines the candy in her palm. Huh, there's a label sealing the foil. "15g Tetrahydrocannabinol, 15g CBD... Oh, so it's even smaller of a dose than we thought?" Why did they only spell out the full term for THC on the label...?

"Well, that's perfect! You want a low dose for your first time, and the CBD's gonna help you get relaxed." Sayori steps out of the bathroom, smiling. "And I'll be here to keep an eye on you, okay? No worries."

...No time like the present, then. Yuri unwraps the candy as methodically as she can, and pops it into her mouth. She crunches down on it and hums a bit at the taste. She was expecting it to be a little earthy, but it just tastes like sweet peanut butter and chocolate. Yum~ She happily swallows the candy and sits back on her bed. It's time to wait for things to feel different.

"...It's probably best that we don't go out, while I'm waiting for feelings of intoxication to kick in. Should we order lunch?"

"Don't even worry about it, I'm getting us some burgers off of a delivery app. You just sit there and get comfy, and I'll take care of you." Sayori steps over to Yuri and gives her a gentle hug, which the purple woman is eager to return.

"Can we turn on the aquarium stream, now?" Yuri gently wiggles free of Sayori's hug, giving the girl a small smile.

Sayori nods, turning about to set their TV up for the duration of the rest of the evening. "Fishies coming up, Yuri-flurry~!"

With some swift key presses, the fish appear on the big screen across the room. Sayori takes a seat on Yuri's bed, right at her side, and begins ordering their food. "You said you wanted to see what a 'sauna' feels like, when we were talking about today's plans, right? And you were gonna steam yourself in the bathroom, for it?"

"Correct. I want to experience being so warm, while my perception is altered."

Yuri cuddles up with Sayori and a plush shark, happy as a clam. Fish are so fascinating~ They just dart around the water, doing fishy business and spinning all around and going blub blub...~ And this stream even has a basking shark! How cool!

The two women are equally mesmerized by the fish. They calmly enjoy the rainbow of fishy colors and the blue water they fill. Yuri breathes deeply and slowly, trying to settle her nerves about the effects of the drugs. Even if she knows it takes about an hour, that little warning alarm in the back of her head won't stop sounding. Plus, both Yuri and Sayori are getting lost in this stream of fish. It could easily have been nearly that long, by now.

A ring of the doorbell signals the two women that their lunch has finally arrived. Yuri stands up to go and check the door and suddenly feels a strange pop in her skull. "Eh? U-um. I... I think I just felt something in my brain...? Sayori, can you get the food?"

The woman sits back down on the bed, quite confused. THC goes pop, apparently? Or was that her C1 vertebra clicking? She shouldn't be hearing that, should she? Yuri puts a hand on the side of her head as she tries to take stock of herself.

...Is she starting to feel a little dizzy? The siren in the base of her skull begins to quiet. This... Feels pretty nice? Yuri lays back on her bed as Sayori climbs out of it. She may have said something to Yuri about getting cozy...? Yuri is a bit too deep in her introspection to catch it clearly.

Does her bed feel comfier? Something feels... Extra fuzzy? Is the lavender burning harder? It suddenly has a much stronger smell. Yuri looks over to the incense burner.

The violet porcelain structure seems to be operating as normal. White rivers of smoke flow down through the leaf and petal-like protrusions in the dish, dispersing the relaxing scent. Hehe, rivers, like fish swim in~

Yuri turns her head back upward. Yeah, everything's fine. She smiles, carefully adjusting her pillows and position to get back to the fish stream. Uhuhuhu, streams are another thing fish swim in~!

Sayori returns to the bedroom with a bag of fast food held carefully in her hands. She gives Yuri a cautious glance, before her lips twist into a smug grin. "You're absolutely feeling it, now, aren't you?"

"...Huh? Do I look different? I guess I feel... Looser?" Yuri looks down at her hands, flexing her fingers and rolling them back and forth. Maybe she feels a little distorted, but surely she isn't giving off so many signs?

Oh god damn it, I'm stoned and I'm staring at my hands, of course she can tell. Yuri puffs her lips in frustration at becoming something of a stereotype so fast. She looks back up at Sayori. "...Never mind. I'm feeling it."

"Mhm~ And I've got the food, if you feel munchy!" Sayori opens the bag up and pulls out some chicken nuggets. Those are probably for her only, given that she did say "burgers" earlier. Yuri thinks she remembers burgers, anyway.

The scent of greasy meat flows from the bag as Sayori sits back down next to Yuri. The taller woman is immediately captivated. Her stomach growls and she looks at the bag. It takes a bit of focus, but she keeps her mouth closed and stops herself from drooling. "Mmmph... I'll... I'll take the burger, now, actually."

"Coming up~" Sayori fishes a foil-wrapped sandwich out of the bag and hands it over to Yuri. Yuri has to bite her lip as the delicious smell overwhelms her. It's so good.

Yuri starts tearing the foil apart as fast as she can. Once the double cheeseburger is about half exposed she starts taking ravenous bites out of it. Why am I so fucking hungry, all of a sudden? What's-? Oh my fucking god this is the most delicious sandwich I've ever had. She stifles a moan as best she can, with her mouth processing several bites of sandwich too many. It is less than successful.

Sayori's giggling at Yuri from just a few inches away, but she doesn't care. This is amazing! Shockingly fast, the burger is completely devoured, and Yuri slowly wiggles closer to Sayori. She starts idly feeling the fabric of her girlfriend's shirt between her fingers.

"I got you some cheese fries, too~"

"...Sayori you're an angel..." Yuri shuffles her arms around the woman to give her a tight squeeze. She buries her face in Sayori's neck, wondering what wondrous scents she might find... Hm, vanilla!

"Aw, I'm not, I just love you~" Sayori runs her fingers through Yuri's hair. Yuri wiggles her legs slightly at the sensation. Wonderful~

"Fries, please...? Then can you go start the shower? I don't... know if I can walk right, yet?" Yuri slowly sits up, keeping her back pressed flush against her headboard so she can check on her balance. And eat the cheese fries!

"Your wish is my command!" Sayori carefully places the plastic box of potatoes and cheese in Yuri's lap. She kisses her cheek and hops out of bed. "Hm, hm, steamy shower for Yuri!"

"Thank you, so much, Sayo~" Yuri opens the fries up and starts absolutely destroying them. Why are carbs and dairy such a beautiful combination? My tongue is setting all the wires in my brain off...

With the bathroom so close, it's easy to hear Sayori preparing the room for Yuri's steam session. The shuffle of curtains and the sudden rush of water are familiar sounds, somehow just more intense and recognizable to Yuri's ears.

Once she realizes her fries are gone, she begins to slowly stand up. Yuri keeps one hand on her bed as she carefully brings herself to her full height. Balance? Balance is... Fine? The dizziness doesn't seem to be impairing her ability to move?

Still, it's best to be careful. Yuri gathers her phone from the nightstand and takes a deep breath of the lavender incense. She also grabs her shark plush. He'll like the steamy bathroom~! Yuri starts slowly, carefully, shuffling to the bathroom with all of her needed items in hand.

"Okay, Yuri, are you read-? Oh, hi. I didn't think you'd get up, so soon!" Sayori greets Yuri at the doorway to the bathroom. "Oh, and you brought Cottonmouth! Hiya, Cottonmouth. Keep Yuri comfy and safe, okay?"

"He will~ Thank you so much for getting the shower going." Yuri slowly bends down to kiss Sayori's forehead. "I'm going to close the door, so the steam stays in. But the door is going to stay unlocked, in case you need to come in. Because you're keeping me safe, just like he is~"

Sayori blushes and giggles. "I hope I can live up to his standard!"

"You're doing fantastically, dear." Yuri takes some methodical shuffles away from and past Sayori. She winks as she closes the door.

And now it's time to truly relax. Yuri may miss the scent of lavender as she steps into the steam-filling room, but the sensation of warmth is just as pleasant. She scoots over to the running shower and sits at its side. Nice and cozy, leaning against the cool wall and otherwise being steamed. Yuri idly strokes her shark friend. Her phone is here in case of an emergency, but maybe...

Yuri giggles as she tries to position herself and Cottonmouth in a selfie for the other girls. They may as well be kept in the loop about her mental state. Which is currently loopy and wobbly!

Oh, hell, my vocabulary is completely gone. I'll text them later.

She winces and blinks, as she moves the phone out of her view. Something about the screen is extra intense, right now. Not helpful, when she's trying to relax. Yuri locks the device and sets it down on the floor. For now, it's cuddle time! She holds her shark tight, and leans a bit closer to the running shower.

The rhythmic pounding of water against the tub, the sensation of hot steam flowing over her, the softness of her plushie... It all combines into a sensory orchestra of comfort. Utter relaxation overcomes Yuri and she drifts off to sleep.

Hopefully next time she can properly cuddle Sayori, while her brain is all fuzzy. That way Yuri will really be able to take in all of her... And maybe a scented wax melter, or a bath bomb.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Frank James Lampard OBE 👀

ougughgh, you whipped out the order of the british empire? 🫡 😳 maybe i was wrong to judge them teaboos back in the superwholock days (that's a JOKE)

@protect-daniel-james i'll respond here but i might use your ask to post some more Photos cause i'm not sure how to pick just one photo of the Long Eyelashed Tragedy

favorite thing about them: uhhh...so much? he gets me right in the FEELS, man. he tells on himself constantly and seems to be completely unaware. sadboi footballer with pretty dead eyes who loves to Read and took a little notebook with him on the team bus. the intersection of having it easy/privileged childhood & traumatic things that shouldn't have happened--i relate. exhilarating to watch his old performances and he seems like he'd be fun to have a conversation with. fascinating to analyze, this all feels sort of reductive...i'm very Fond of him and some of it is hard to put into words, but i feel very "what's not to love?" about him lol. and he has such a Narrative. he's very easy to write about though it probably doesn't turn out well at all (sounds great and deep in my head though)

also i find a lot of footballers hot but don't really experience significant attraction to them but he is an exception you know what i'm just going to end this here

least favorite thing about them: he lost weight after everton BOO HISS

favorite line: omg, frank james lampard OBE is funny because he's often so intelligent and articulate and then just whips out the WEIRDEST/most cringe thing out of nowhere. some examples:

-his "fight" with klopp on the touchline

THIS wtfery:

these BANGERS:

this classic example of childhood trauma "too old when you're young and too young when you're old" (what some ppl would call "entitled male athlete" but like..i know better than that lol). it's also just patently RIDICULOUS he was like 36...bolding is mine for the classic lines

But it was while on a night out in Manchester during pre-season that the ex-West Hamer star showed his new American team-mates exactly how ex-Premier League stars like to party.

Columbus Crew centre-back Josh Williams was with NYCFC at the time and he told the story to the Athletic.

...“This place is packed, multiple levels. And as soon as we walk in, you could see everybody recognise Frank. And it’s just me, my teammate and Frank and all the energy is just on him.

"He picks up a bottle, this huge bottle of Grey Goose, picks it up, opens it, just starts downing it. Passes it to me and goes, ‘Boys, we’re not putting this down until it’s fucking gone.’”

The trio passed the bottle around three times when the rest of NYCFC showed up.

After about an hour in the club, Lampard approached Williams and asked him about 'that game you Americans play where you throw the little balls — he’s talking about beer pong.'

ok let's see...

brotp: random one but i recently learned that he and ian wright are friends? and i just love that so much both as a gooner and a person. wrighty complements him well and is very...respectful lol. if we consider lamperry to be only one-sided romantic, then definitely lamperry

notp: franko x steven gerrard...there's only One situation in which i've enjoyed that ship (and it was an au). it does nothing for me normally, and i personally don't find stevie g attractive, so! again, it's like an "ew get it away from me" notp, it's just not my vibe.

otp: i mean...lamperry requited. franko x cousin jamie jamie jamie ....maybe someday they can give romeo and juliet their happy ending. and of course, frank and mason...i just really like this ship so much and it keeps my brain so entertained...even though it's not "healthy" and doesn't end well. these ships are all SO good!!!

random headcanon: oh gosh idk...i don't think i have any "headcanons" because everything he says and does in public just kind of tracks. bet he's done coke lol. idk

unpopular opinion: HOO BOY!!! here we go!!! i am aware that i have a wooby nature, but i actually like that about myself. i'd rather approach someone--anyone with softness and then tone it down when i decide they're a dick, than be uncharitable for no reason. that's my way and that's how it's gonna be! so that said...franko gets accusations of "arrogance" and i...i don't see it at all. it might come from his disingenous press conferences at chelsea and everton, but i see that as a man who has horrid self-esteem, was used to being treated by media and fans like a Starboy, and once he started doing badly, had no idea how to handle professional failure--not one single idea. remember on "diary of a ceo" over the summer when he said his first chelsea sacking was the first time he's ever failed professionally? that's insane. Like, imagine making it to age FORTY-TWO and not having a legitimate school or career disaster. that's insane to me. so he just put up a front and got cranky and defensive and funky about where he placed the blame (and to be honest--he has not done a good job as a manager, but he also wound up in some pretty dismal positions. taking chelsea caretaker manager was really shooting himself in the foot because that season just needed to be put out of its misery lol). i'm not saying he's a bastion of humility, or some misunderstood coaching genius, but i don't see him as any more or less arrogant than someone else. idk--i see a weird level of contempt for him that doesn't really feel deserved? he's just a sad sack. sort of a hubris tale in a sense, but also a tale of a man who is still stuck as a kid in some ways...i need to stop before i write a really bad dissertation lol

uh that said...

song i associate with them:

finally a footballer i can give a good answer to this for!!!

name me a better combination than me x lamps x pink floyd x this summer! comfortably numb, shine on you crazy diamond (all of it, but particularly sections vi-ix), wish you were here...

(i know this sounds basic...i know there are more i'm not remembering)

"money" in some ways because i listened to it while writing "visited upon the sons" (it hit me afterward that the fic and the song are structured in the same way...the chicken or the egg?)

from the oooold first days of the lampardverse:

behind blue eyes/a well respected man

also! wouldn't it be nice kind of reminds me of him and cousin jamie loool

favorite picture of them:

dude idk! i really love looking at photos of him! this is granit levels of difficulty...i Cannot choose so let's go with this sad sack from the blessed everton days:

[teacup-tyrant]

Can I offer some unsolicited advice to writers about when to post fics so people will read them?

I'm a marketer by trade so making sure I get eyeballs on the content I'm writing is not only a fandom hobby of mine, but it's my actual job IRL.

Someone made a post here about the times to post to Ao3 so they hit the right time zones. There used to be some kind of glitch there but apparently that has been fixed. But it's a good roundup post about some general tips and the important callout is that the best days to post are Sundays & Mondays. (which I find hilarious bc Sundays are worthless in business marketing and you generally want to post Tue-Thurs. But I digress.)

Now let me add something that content marketers refer to as newsjacking. That means something newsworthy has happened or a certain topic goes viral and people are currently paying attention to it, so you push your own content in relation to that. Obviously, there are ethical and unethical ways to do this. Don't push your brand in relation to a tragedy and try to capitalize on something awful. That's just a dick move and then you'll probably need to add reputation management to your marketing team's plate because you just got cancelled.

But lets relate this back to fanfiction. Here's an example.

The fandom I've written the majority of my fics for got some news the other day, and there hadn't been any news around the series in months. Suddenly it was trending again. If anyone wanted to drop a new fic, this was the time when the most eyeballs would be on it because everyone has been flooding the tag and paying attention again.

So ask yourself, did your series just finish airing or a new book get released? Perfect, publish a fic because people will be wanting MORE. Did a highly anticipated trailer just come out? Awesome, everyone will be making gifs and edits and craving content. Join in and publish a fic. In these instances, you're capitalizing on people's attention.

This all isn't to say hoard your fics like a greedy dragon until there's a sudden explosion in your fandom. But IF you want to be more strategic about when you publish, this is a Professional Opinion of how you should do it.

And you can look at all of this and say HEY, fanfiction shouldn't exist to stroke your ego. You should write for your own happiness and if someone else reads it, so much the better. And you're absolutely right. Personally, my hard drive is full of piles of random headcanons and thousands of words of half finished fics that will never see the light of day because I wanted to write them out of my brain and have no intention of ever finishing them. But the ones that get fully fleshed out enough to make logical sense, well, those are for everyone else. Those are what go to Ao3.

But listen, I'm human. I like being told I wrote a good story as much as the next writer. If any writer tells you that comments and kudos don't give them the warm fuzzies, and that they feel discouraged when a fic they post gets little to no traffic... then they're a goddamn liar.

This is just a way of making an organic algorithm work in your favor.

...because Ao3 has no real algorithm to market to you for profit and that's why we all love it so much. Hell, my job depends on engagement, impressions, and follower count, but Tumblr/Ao3 has none of that available publicly so they remain my favorite websites of all time.

[insipid-drivel]

This is why we shouldn't use night vision CCTV in the swamp

As is probably well established by now, I live in a swamp that's in the same region as a lot of Bigfoot sightings. I've grown up in this wilderness my whole life, seen and experienced a whole lot of weird crap that is filed away in the "Hey, don't worry about it," part of my brain with the rest of The Horrors.

My mom also did most of her growing up here, but more in the woodlands and plural spaces around housing developments and cities. Basically, where you're more likely to encounter a homeless person or a pigeon in the underbrush than a cryptid or some cool wildlife.

I grew up so deep in these forests and swamps I stay the hell inside after dark and live in blissful ignorance of what goes on outside my bedroom window every night. Some shit I've seen looking in at me. Sometimes it's animals (which was how I found out a storm had knocked over our neighbor's horse fence one night - I suddenly had a Welsh pony pull up to my bedroom window like it was a Wendy's) - sometimes it's just eyes in the shadows that may or may not speak, who cares? Definitely not my little brother's girlfriend who confirmed she sees them too whenever she's here and goes out after dark for a cigarette and runs inside panicked every time they appear. Let's not dwell on it. Moving on.

My mom decided, after becoming thrilled with the huge amount of bird and squirrel traffic I get with my small seed-and-pollinator garden outside of my bedroom window, to set up a motion-activated night vision camera pointed at my feeders to see what may visit in the dark.

Fully-bragging here, but I pretty much have every single species of native bird (and a couple of fucking starlings) that isn't a raptor visit my garden every day. Yesterday I completed my Pokedex when a family of quail came visiting. It's not weird for there to be 15-20+ birds in my garden at once with at least 5 or more individual unique species eating and (mostly) getting along (which some of us could learn from by example, starlings).

I made the tactical decision to bite my tongue about the camera, because this morning, I found I actually wanted to see some of the footage.

Everything was fine when I woke up this morning; my feeders were still rapidly being depleted of birdseed I spend too much of my disability checks on so I can delight my cat and feel like I'm taking care of some of my local wildlife. I use a small trough that I fill will feed for squirrels and the occasional deer that usually takes a couple of days for the locals to empty.

This morning, after having just ROUNDED OFF the ground-trough-feeder with a fresh supply of food the day before, I found the trough completely clean and empty, and dragged several feet away from where I usually leave it. So I asked my mom if she'd review the camera footage, figuring it was probably the same derpy yearling buck with slightly wonky baby-antlers that I've seen eating out of it before.

Nope.

Just a mom with kids to feed. My mom was appalled at the number of them (one of the ways I know she's still domesticated), but I quietly approved and told her that it was probably a mother raccoon and her adolescent babies. I've seen raccoons raising up to 5 kits at a time in places where food is plentiful and the predator count is relatively low. I let my mom know it's totally fine; that the ground feeder is there to feed the nocturnal as well as the diurnal.

The morning quiets down for a few minutes, and I get ready to snooze to the birdsong outside. My mom is still on her phone, half-birdwatching at the foot of my bed, half-scrolling through clips of footage from the rest of that night (which usually is just moths and a stray cat or two setting the camera off), and that's when I heard what I like to wearily call the "There's A Cryptid On My CCTV Gasp".

Look. If you set up cameras in a place like this, you're GOING to see weird shit you can't explain. Part of why I like living out here is because only other people that understand this also live out here. My neighbors and I are all out of our fucking minds, but that's why The Swamp embraces us. If you don't have the psychiatric diagnostic equivalent of a ghost pepper in your brain, you probably won't do well out here. The Swamp is nature's Void: If you gaze long into it, it will gaze back into you. My System of alter personalities smile like idiots and wave into the Void while some of them full-on make out in front of the Void with reckless abandon.

My mom just stammers at first, and and then is like, "I... don't know what that is? It looks like a cat? But I've NEVER seen a cat that big..." Ironically ignoring my cat, who I rescued as a tiny "standard size" kitten from a shelter and found out the hard way that she's actually very much a Maine Coon.

My mom, shaken, shows me the best still she could get from the clip the camera took of The Creature:

She's pale, and visibly unnerved as she brings me her phone with the actual clip of this animal in it. Of course the footage is shittier than when we just had raccoons out there. Didn't you read what I just wrote? The Swamp will not abide your attempts to spoil its fuckery.

But I nevertheless watched this 2-3 second clip of this animal walking by the ground feeder. It's about the size of a medium dog, has no tail, and walks with a very feline gait. My mom is practically freaking out at this point, her voice actually trembling when she keeps asking me "What do you think it is?"

There's a long, heavy silence as I replay the clip a couple more times, just watching this thing move and confirming that, indeed, it's too big to be a domestic cat, but too small to be a mountain lion, and has no discernible tail.

"Mother, it's a bobcat."

"That can't be!"

>therewere5raccoonsthereandit'sabobcatgoodlordmom.mp4

So I pulled up a google search and showed her:

"Oh."

[musical-chick-13]

who is your favorite iteration of the doctor to be shipped with river?

I thought a lot about my answer to this, and unfortunately I am going to give the BIGGEST cop-out of a response and say that I can't actually choose between Eleven and Twelve 😭😭

Just for the sake of having an answer, I'll say Twelve, just because he's my favorite Doctor. (And as much as I love it when characters are so broken up about losing people they love that they can't even talk about it--i.e. series 7 Eleven--I do very much appreciate the fact that we got to see Twelve actually consistently grieve onscreen. Also don't TALK to me about how the specific type of goodness he was able to successfully impart to Missy-about helping someone even when there's little to no chance of it succeeding, of getting anything good out of it for yourself, or of the other person ever knowing about it-CAME DIRECTLY FROM RIVER.)

But I really don't have like. A Specific Preference. I skew more toward the Doctors we've seen River interact with onscreen (and specifically during the Moffat Era because as everyone knows it's my favorite, lol), but I've really liked the fic I've read of her with Eight, and some of the stuff in the supplementary materials has gotten me to come around on her with Ten as well (I am notably not a Particularly Huge Fan of Ten). And I also even wrote a story once about her and Thirteen (that I then orphaned later for very stupid reasons). (It's here, if anyone's interested.)

All this being said, I wouldn't have fallen in love with this ship as much as I have if Eleven/River didn't exist. Twelve/River sees them both finally on the same page, and the whole "HE WOULDN'T BE IN LOVE ENOUGH TO BE STANDING [IN DANGER] WITH ME (*has actually been in the middle of said danger the entire time because he is in love enough*) was...look, that CHANGED MY BRAIN. PERMANENTLY. But I don't think people appreciate how truly DERANGED Eleven and River are.

She insults him/makes him look stupid and he just goes like this -> 😍. He starts accepting his interest in her WHEN HE LEARNS SHE'S IN PRISON FOR MURDER (probably for murdering him). They get so caught up in flirting (over River being A Scary Person specifically) that they completely forget that their best friend/family member is in the room with them and also in extreme danger. She expresses her affection by shooting his ridiculous hats off of his head. "Are you married/are you asking/yes." (*cue the most charmed expression on his face to ever exist*) "It's a shame you were busy that day" (<-because she had POISONED HIM AND HE WAS DYING). "And unlike me, she really doesn't mind shooting people, I shouldn't like that, kind of do a bit." "You graffiti-ed the oldest cliff face in the universe!"/"Well you wOuLdN't aNsWeR yOuR pHoNe." "You've got that face on again"/"What face?"/"The 'he's hot when he's clever' face"/"This is my normal face"/"Yes it is." "I do NOT sneak out at night to parties with RIVER SONG"/"How is she?"/"Fine. 😊"

His response to someone bringing her up and mentioning that she tried to kill him is "totally married her XD." She confessed her love to him via "getting the whole universe to mention how much they need him and agreed to marry him and he's still like, "Oh, gotta go check my fucking hair before I say hello to her again" in TATM. (Fun fact, the "Sorry honey, traffic was hell" line was originally, "Traffic was a bitch" which would have been the like. Highest-level curse word we've ever seen this man say, and it would have been in the context of trying to cleverly greet River which AGAIN, DERANGED BEHAVIOR.)

Fixed point that would destroy the universe if it were messed with? Too bad! Not if she thinks she has to kill him! "I'LL SUFFER IF I HAVE TO KILL YOU, MORE THAN EVERY LIVING THING IN THE UNIVERSE" OH MY GOOOODDDDDDDDD. (<-Worth noting that he calls her out over this for all of about two minutes before deciding the best way out of the situation is having an impromptu wedding.) She tells him TO HIS FACE "When I was little, I wanted to marry you" and then ALMOST INTENTIONALLY PERMANENTLY KILLS HIM LIKE TWO MINUTES LATER. He's dying on the floor in Berlin and still has the energy to go absolutely FERAL over the idea of someone hurting her. In the series 7 finale, she isn't even tangible and only exists through a conduit in Clara's head and he goes, "Too bad! I can hold you and kiss you and talk with you because I miss you, screw the actual laws of physics." (And then he's like, "Hmm, I probably look stupid right now. Oh well, back to talking to my wife, who I refused to say goodbye to for God Knows How Long because I would have been too sad.")

HE FALLS FOR HER POISONING GAMBIT BECAUSE HE'S HAVING TOO MUCH FUN FLIRTING WITH HER.

DUDE.

(Like, Twelve is also Deranged™ about her too, as evidenced by responding to her threat of cutting out his organs in alphabetical order with, "Which alphabet" and being jealous at the MOST inopportune times and, while in the middle of them fighting over who gets to risk sacrificing themselves, saying, "NOT ONE LIVING THING IS WORTH YOU" which is. Sure a line!!! That sure lives in my head rent-free!!!!! Also they have a Bonding Moment™ about carrying a severed head around in a bag. But the absolute INSANITY that goes on between River and Eleven is. Incredible.)

.........uhhhhh this. This got away from me. I also didn't really answer your question. Sorry? (<-Not actually sorry.)

[lost-technology]

My brain's been chewing on a weird, small worldbuilding-tidbit that I was thinking of having a passing mention of in a '98 based fanfic. The idea applies to all, though. So, I've been seeing some youtube videos and arguments regarding religion and the usual rhetoric that "as societies modernize, religion goes away" and the old idea that "one day, religion will be nothing more than a curious relic." I disagree with this. I'm a little freak who retains spirituality even though I reject most of the dogma I used to adhere to. I think there are more people like this than advertised. It also annoys me because, historically, how many CENTURIES have people been saying this? Philosophers in the 1800s, I think even some in the 1700's were so utterly SURE that in the future nobody would be religious anymore - yet, here we are. Like it or not, it's still...a thing. Anyway, people have been waiting for and assuming the Pure Secularist Future for frickin' ever and making assumptions about sci-fi universes. "What does God need with a starship?" and all that. Meanwhile, in TRIGUN, which does things differently, one of the main-catalyst characters, the protagonist's beloved mommy openly talks about believing that her dead boyfriend is in Heaven and refers to her birthed-from-a-human-created species children as "angels" or being "like angels." Plant-engineers in the manga refer to Plants as "having the appearance of the messengers of God." Anyway, the main thing is, here is Rem, a scientist who lives on a spaceship occasionally throws out Christianese in everyday speech. (I don't remember her doing such in the manga), but in '98 and Stampede, it's there when I'm pretty sure that some of the youtubers I've watched recently would think she probably shouldn't be on a space-science team because "300 years from now, people like her won't exist." Or if they do, they should be barred from science due to "being crazy." It got me thinking, what if there's a social turn-around in the Trigun universe? What if the creation of the Plants and the discovery that they pull things from "a higher dimension" actually revives spiritual impulse in human society? Maybe there's not any particular controlling dogma that anyone adheres to anymore during the spacefaring age, but maybe it is not uncommon at all for people to believe in "God," or in "Heaven" or the concept of angelic beings because, well, here are creatures that contact a mysterious, unknowable dimension and essentially do supernatural feats. I mean, it's RIGHT THERE, so maybe it's not considered "unscientific" to have a spiritual lean anymore. Just food for thought... because Rem likes talking about angels and ISN'T looked at strangely for it or told to "be more rational." Maybe at that point in time, viewpoints like hers are considered the most rational thing in the universe.

[closetednobody]

C'mon, I cannot be the only that after all the shit they put Maya through with the demotion and the way Beckett was harassing Maya at work that thought that bottle of whiskey was well-deserved revenge?

She didn't force Beckett to drink. That was on him. I would've given Sullivan something too! Like, hire a PI, get photos of him and Ross and put all around the internet, the Stations, etc. If you're going down, bring them with you.

Like, why did everybody forgive Sullivan?

Honestly, there a lots of fingers to be pointed about Maya's breakdown.

Hello OP!

Sorry that I replied to this a little late, but no, you're not alone.

Although I wouldn't encourage Maya's actions, I understand why she felt compelled to do so, especially with how she was raised by Lane Bishop.

I also partially disagree with Ben's "you did that because you were in a bad place," and for Maya to "apologize when you feel comfortable" because it wasn't entirely Maya's fault. They saw how Maya was being bullied by Beckett - what did they do for their former captain who was demoted for saving a kid's life? NOTHING.

Of course, one would argue that Maya could learn from Andy's more diplomatic approach or Sullivan's more political (read: cunning) approach. Or maybe , she could've been patient for slightly longer, and things would've unraveled itself. But Maya has been patient - from being ignored by McCallister, bullied by Beckett, and unfairly lectured by Ross. In one of my posts, I've explained what could be Maya's thought process behind the blackmail (and probably why she wouldn't send PI on Sullivan and Ross) and that was the start of her... downward spiral.

So... should Maya give that bottle as revenge? No. If she is as heroic and noble as Andy Herrera, she shouldn't.

But Maya is an anti-hero. The twisted protagonist with a dark side. One who has been treated unfairly and has been "nice" for too long, and without Carina in her corner, she was... wounded. Feral. Desperate.

So, as far as Maya was concerned, Beckett was not an alcoholic when she gifted the bottle to him, as per Ross' wise and fair evaluation. So, a little whiskey to celebrate should be fine. (Maya's smirk when she left the room was sinfully satisfying.)

Should Maya apologize? Objectively, she doesn't have to. Conscientiously? She can. But it's not her fault. I hope we can delve a little more on her self-blame tendency, which is common amongst people who are recovering from traumas.

Sullivan's case? Honestly? Imo, it is just how the system/society treats men and women differently.

If a man fights for his rights for power, he is passionate and driven.

If a woman does the same thing, she is reckless and selfish.

Why? Because by social norm, women would generally become the "healer" while men are demanded to be the "hunter" - fascinatingly, it's something that is almost coded in our brains. But society and gender roles have changed so much that our brain, weirdly, couldn't adapt to it, hence creating biases that we subconsciously practice.

As "healers" (e.g., homemaker, mothers, etc), women are expected to be role models who are patient, forgiving, respectable, loving, optimistic, and the list goes on. Believe it or not, these are some of the traits associated with maternal qualities. Phew.

As "hunters" (e.g., earners, husbands, etc), men are expected to be goal-driven and focused because their main role is, basically, to go out, find supplies, and get their ass home, safely. They are expected to protect their home and dependents - by all means, at all cost.

But centuries have passed, and society has evolved. Even gender roles have shifted now, and the old norm doesn't seem applicable anymore. BUT! Our mind doesn't know that. (Recommending "The Idiot Brain" by Dean Burnett if you are interested in this weird conundrum.)

It's frustrating. But... *shrugs*

I never liked Sullivan after what he did to Maya, and I don't think I ever will.

I think I am rambling... so I'll stop here. 😆😂

[140smashedguitars]

I have a few things to say about Good Omens. I'm not sure if this is going to be coherent but I kinda just need to get these thoughts out of my brain before I explode.

I had actually forgotten what happened at the end of season 1 (I only watched it once and my memory is garbage) so I didn't really get the full effect of Crowley talking to Gabriel about what he said to Crowley as Aziraphale, until I saw these two posts and now I'm going batshit. I'm not quite sure where to start with this, hopefully it will make sense. Also I'm sure other people have talked about this but oh well

So! Gabriel, on instinct, turned up at Aziraphale's bookshop after losing his memory because he just thought he'd be safe there. And the thing is, he was. He shouldn't have been, but to Aziraphale, Gabriel is just his boss, and someone he's known for longer than we could imagine.

Then Crowley walks in and when he sees Gabriel is filled with blind rage. Why is he here? What more could he possibly do to hurt Aziraphale? But Gabriel’s a blank slate, he has no idea of what happened between him and Aziraphale. He doesn’t have to carry that with him. Would it even matter if he did? Gabriel doesn't care about Aziraphale's feelings. And yet, here he is in Aziraphale's special place - their special place, with his own room (which he didnt offer to Crowley who has been living out of his car for ages), his own mug with his name on it for his hot chocolate, wearing Aziraphale's clothes.

And Crowley can’t do anything, he of course still can’t tell Aziraphale what Gabriel said to him, so he just has to stand by and watch as Aziraphale risks everything to help this being he believes doesn’t deserve to be helped. Could you imagine if the situation was reversed? If an amnesiac and vulnerable Aziraphale showed up to Gabriel asking for help. I don’t doubt that he would’ve immediately given up Aziraphale when he realised how big the risk was in helping him. But Aziraphale helps him anyway because it’s the right thing to do.

Then he asks Crowley to help. And why the Hell should he? Gabriel’s done nothing to deserve it, but he does anyway, because he doesn’t want to upset Aziraphale. So Crowley answers Gabriel’s questions to the best of his ability, gets him his hot chocolate, helps with the miracle to hide him, keeps him company. Even though it must be killing him inside. His anger is directed at one specific person and now here’s there, he can’t say all the things he probably wants to say because it wouldn’t mean anything to Gabriel. Sure, Crowley tells him what happened and then later starts to threaten him, but it amounts to nothing. He’s only met with a confused, blank stare. He can't get the closure that he wants.

Then Crowley goes to Heaven to find out what really happened to Gabriel, and wouldn't you know it...

Gabriel

Defied

Heaven

You know... like Crowley and Aziraphale did at the end of season 1 and were attemptedly murdered for. And what was Gabriel's punishment for defying the will of Heaven to start a second apocalypse? Death? Being forced to live and die as a human? (I'm not sure if that's a thing in this universe, but it's a thought) No. He gets demoted. And because the angels are so incompetent, Crowley watches Gabriel just walk out. He just leaves Heaven.

And then, Gabriel gets his memory back, and Crowley is forced to watch as Gabriel

Fucking. Gabriel. Who looked Crowley's only friend dead in the eye and told him to shut his stupid mouth and die

and smiled

takes the hand of the being he loves, singing their love song and leaves. No repercussions for what Gabriel did or said, he and Beelzebub are free to go wherever they please and be happy.

So after all this, Crowley is spurred into going after his own happy ending. Because that's what he and Aziraphale deserve, right? He bares his soul in front of Aziraphale, pleading with him to leave and be together in whatever way that means. Just the two of them.

Because it has always, only ever been the two of them. Literally from the beginning. Everything they've done together has been to defy the will of Heaven and Hell to do the right thing. Watching Crowley struggle to get the words out to explain how he feels and stop himself from crying is fucking soul destroying. He needs Aziraphale to understand what's been going on between them this entire time. What's in front of them, what he's giving up. So he kisses him, in one last ditch effort, pouring everything he is feeling into it. As people have pointed out, the kiss wasn't out of love; it was out of desperation, fear, anger. It was a plea, it was a prayer. It was everything Crowley could never say. And Aziraphale's response?

I forgive you.

FOR WHAT AZIRAPHALE?! FOR WHAT?! And the way Aziraphale looks angry immediately after the kiss. I can't fucking do this guys. What the fuck.

But if that wasn't enough, Crowley still waits for Aziraphale by his car. Because maybe, just maybe, in those last few minutes Aziraphale realised he was wrong. But no. After everything, God having Earth created only to plan to destroy it a mere few thousand years later, all the humans being murdered, tortured, betrayed, for what purpose? Aziraphale chose Heaven over Crowley. The ones who cast out Crowley for asking "damn fool questions" but allowed that courtesy to Job. Who God fucked over for a bet. And there was nothing Crowley could do to stop him. He has to let his best friend, the only being he has ever cared about, loved, his home, be ripped away from him. Fuck.

I don't know if this makes any sense. I don't know if this is just a rambling string of nonsense. But can you see what I'm getting at here? It's like 2am at the time of writing this but I'm hoping my point has somehow come across. I think this had a point. I could be reading way too into all this and being stupid but to me the confession scene goes way deeper than I originally thought. Sorry this is a really long post, and sorry if it feels like I’m just saying what happened in the show but I wanted to recontexualise it from Crowley’s POV.