#which wouldn't be That bad on its own but i was on a DEEP rabbit hole trying to look into this rly specific server issue

[kuromi-hoemie]

my fuckin work laptop stopped working ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠:⁠｡(⁠ノ⁠｀⁠⌒⁠´⁠)⁠ノ⁠┫⁠：⁠・⁠┻⁠┻

[bloodyopvs]

The Sanguinarch isn't a bad villain or a cliched one.

The only thing that his writing suffers from is the fact that a lot of the finer points in his characterisation were easily missed or flew over our heads due to Arknights's ambiguous writing — I also had to do some deep lore diving to the Arknights Terra Wiki to be able to piece a more coherent picture of him, something more profound than merely 'he's just a mindless psychopath and a remorseless war criminal'.

And it strikes me what he was actually meant to be, in Chapter 13, where he was the main villain.

He is, for lack of a better word, an inverted Jesus figure.

There's a lot of things supporting this.

First, we have the crown of thorns (actually the thing that got into this rabbit hole) that his chibi, boss sprite wore in his second phase. His artist, Chuzenji, also drew him with the same thing. The crown of thorns's symbolism is obvious. Jesus wears one, including his depiction in the famous movie, The Passion of the Christ. Though, it's probably not that special on its own; but it's only the tip of the iceberg.

Then we got the meaning of his name, a portmanteau of a Hebrew word and an angel's name —— 'Dook', meaning pierced, and Ariel, an angel whose name literally means 'Lion/Hero of God', at least according to the Terra Wiki —— and things are starting to get intriguing. Put together, 'Duq'arael' means 'Pierced Lion/Hero of God'. The angel's name aside, the lion is an animal that symbolised 'God's strength and command', one that was closely related to God, to the point where C.S Lewis, author of the famous Chronicles of Narnia, use Aslan, a lion, as a stand-in metaphor for God.

And yes, the deeper you go into Sarkaz lore, the more you discover that it was heavily inspired by the lore of Abrahamic religions in real life, although I won't delve too deeply into this or start drawing parallels to real life events, since it's an extremely sensitive issue. But my point is that Arknights has always been deeply influenced by religious mythology and symbolism, and Duq'arael's name goes deep. It hinted at us on his true character——how he views himself.

(Him killing his own elder brother, who was an 'ideal' King of Sarkaz, was also a clear allusion to the story of Cain and Abel, and ties in with the occult theory that Cain was the first vampire in history, but that's an aside. Though this also serves to strengthen the point that Arknights has always been deeply influenced by religious mythology and symbolisms.)

Back to the topic, I would also argue that his design cleverly reflected this hidden allusion. His uncanny colour palette—white, red and black—could be interpreted as a reversal, so to speak, of Jesus's darker robes and dark hair (as he was so often and popularly depicted to be). His entire design screams vampire nobility, but there's something uncanny about it, which was highlighted when we were first introduced to him in Chapter 10 (or was it 11?). He was described as an ordinary-seeming nobleman, one who wouldn't look out of place speaking about current politics in Victorian telly.

More than that, though...although he wears black and red, 'traditional' vampire colours, his main colour is obviously white. White hair, white clothes.

Both the absence of colour, and the colour of purity, innocence, and rebirth.

Duq'arael is also the 'Prince of Blood'. Amiya, during their confrontation in Chapter 13, asks him what does blood means to him. As a concept, as a symbol——a meaning. Now his answer here isn't that important (although it's curious that he equates it with suffering, especially that of the Sarkaz's), but there's a hidden symbolism bomb here: Blood symbolised passion. When someone angers us, for example, we say that it makes our 'blood boil'. When our lover arouses us, or when we were afraid during a horror movie, we say that it gets 'our blood racing'.

In line with this, Dukare's goal——what he hopes to achieve by sacrificing so many people, including his own people——is to give the Sarkaz, who had been robbed of not only their homes and lands but also their entire identity, who had been brutally dehumanised and discriminated against for centuries, salvation.

At least in his perspective. He spilled a single drop of blood for them, a drop of pure Teekaz blood, in order to give them this salvation as well as to once again summon their original sin in the form of the first Originium. He even goes so far that this is their curse——the curse of being a Sarkaz, the curse of Originium. The implication here is that he wanted to SAVE them. But because he's twisted, because he's 'inverted' Jesus, he accomplishes that by sacrificing others on the cross instead of himself. A selfish 'saviour'.

He also blesses the Sarkaz with his blood, granting them strength. Once more: misplaced salvation.

But wait, there's another layer to this.

Duq'arael's the ONLY one who saw himself as such. He has a saviour complex despite his pretenses to be indolent, and obviously, due to the crimes and sins he committed, others saw him merely as a murderer, a monster, and a blood purist. Someone who can't let go of the past, and is still heavily fettered by it——someone who blatantly refuses to let go.

He, after all, killed his elder brother out of disappointment. He also testifies that he saw several other Kings of Sarkaz come and go during his long life, and with each passing one, he grew more and more disappointed, more and more disillusioned. More and more jaded. That is why he wanted to kill Amiya too; obsessed with slaying her, even. Not because he's blindly obsessed with murder in itself (perhaps not only because), but because he's past the point of saving. Which was his tragedy, and one that Amiya and Logos mourned after they pushed him off the Feranmut.

This motivation of offering salvation is also likely why he agreed to help Theresis take Londinium. He had alluded to it himself; his ultimate goal or even his motivation wasn't to rebuild Kazdel, especially not as the shitty mobile city that most recent Sarkaz remembered it as.

No, he wanted to 'save' them. To offer them salvation; to return their birthright, which is the entire world of Terra, to them. Back from the hands of the Ancients and the Elders, outworlder races who once wrested it out of their grasp and then proceeded to give them misery for centuries. Millennias, even.

Again, that is his role——The False Saviour.

I don't get why Chapter 13's title was 'The Whirlpool That Is Passion' at first, but then I realised that HG was being sneaky. They couldn't possibly call it 'The Passion of the Vampire', which would be TOO on the nose, so that's why they call it that:

The Whirlpool (symbolising Dukare being twisted by his past and his disillusionment) That Is Passion (the Jesus symbolism). It's very clever.

In addition to all of the above, on their 4th Anniversary art, his artist drew him with a white lily. The flower of (you guessed it) purity, innocence, and most importantly, rebirth. It does work with his image as a vampire, plainly speaking, and the Master of the Crimson Court who's obsessed with the purity of the blood, but I'd say it's more than that, since the white lily is also Mary's flower. Mary, as in the Mother of Christ.

So, no, The Sanguinarch isn't a bad villain. While he is undoubtedly a war criminal (wouldn't say that he's misunderstood, since he's an absolute dipshit nonetheless), he's not 'just' a psychopath.

[s1llydr3amscape]

Here some ye olde Vanessa designs i managed to find sifting through my sketchbooks (pre sb!!!!) There's more but Its really deep in the trenches.

rip their 4head broo they have no brain 😔

I miss doing stylised stuff tbh but ppl bullied me for it so now whenever I do it I go 😭

very old art vs my current art style and oc's below + rambles :

this was right After the freaking posters released and oughhhh 😭😭😭😭 gurlll

top name cut off that Blaine guy are other human ocs I had for years!! They were in a comic with Vanessa and others heheheh I used to do comics 24/7!!! Ft my old fnaf ocs rival to fazbears who was better at keeping the safety aspect off their robots. I wanna ramble abt them too one day after a heavy rehaul. Vanessa actually switched jobs from my oc location to the Pizzaplex in it!!!! Because I hope Vanny and Vanessa were seperate!!!

Vanessa and Vanny were seperate people in my Rabbit City AU but idk if I still want them to be different or the same now. Also one of Glitchtraps workers who managed to break free from his control and he didn't like that and sent every piece of her crimes online on the Internet as this crazed murder. So now she's in a new city under hiding or face criminal charges she didn't commit willingly. She managed to dye her fur and change enough and became a roadie for this band that's not very good. (Ffps rockstars I love yall funky vibe I'm sorry yall died too soon). She wants to help people and protect them she knows there's others under Glitchtrap’s control and wants to put a stop to him. Sadly some off them don't seem like they want any help... She was a beagle dog because when I saw her I was like beagle!!!!

My longest one is my oc story that's bad and outdated which included 3 rap battles (i love rap sue me) and an orange cat with green eyes with wings mc who's name try and guess

Its Winger.... (yeah because he was based off Scootaloo having small wings so young me thought ohhh Winged but like Winger because unlike scootaloo he can fly and is a winner!!! 💀💀💀 he also had beef with nyan cat oc over a girl and could transform into different elements!!! Like nature fire ice and rainbow... the main main main mc tho is a brown green eyed cat who was half robot after an accident... God looking back what was I on (I got into mlp and had unrestricted Internet access)

then we had this off my old sona... I didn't know how to draw fat could you tell... dark times oughhhh I wasn't blind tho then win 💀 alot of my older older art is traditional so you may not see it unless I sift through 17 layers off hell. Wish I backed up more of my 2019-2020 digital art tho but those were the darkest times for me also wait eewwww no eyebrows

ive gotten better and fr be the change you wanna see in this world draw fat bitches!!!! going down the rabbit hole

that one barbie trend I didn't finish look at the hands boy ouggh insane sauce I drew that

I miss drawing like this lowkey but my hand hurty and god ibis crashes every 25 minutes u was gonna gonna feral bro

self love is drawing urself accurately irl after years of drawing a caricatures of yourself (My first human sona ever was a skinny white woman with long neon yellow hair and a purple streak </3)

Gremlin from earlier I learned color theory aswell but only for purple, green and brown oops <333

I figured I could give it an oval nose because I didn't know how to draw my nose at all. Big ass nose death off me real!!! I love :3 face so much and big ass ears!!!! I will make them have big ass ears they are fun!!!!

These are my sonas I have like 4 rn and a million in thr vault (progress is progressing)

old oc his name is Jamie now and he's from a dream I had. Literally an incel too like he's studying magic got so fed up no one in his own world wanted him. Used magic to find his soul mate who existed in another universe. Made a portal to get there and take her back to his world because he wouldn't comply in a non magic world. When he arrived to her world almost died turning white and green. And like still managed to get the girl back to his world (Akuma's a goober who wanted to be isekaid) and yeah. Like huh my guy chill out 😭😭😭😭 no wonder you ain't getting any. He also killed me in the dream and is so dumb for being a prodigy??? Like he made a business selling illegal potions with the company name just vile.... his own initials... like bro how are you not caught. I can't with him. I pray opun his downfall and can't wait to see what other shit he pulls outta his ass. I feel bad for the Akuma she just wanted to escape not knowing this guy a freak.

heres him now!! He's much more dream accurate with the current events so far!!!!! If he appears next time I hope he croaks fr from the magic sickness like bro u a freak freak /neg

But yeah improvement is real!!! my art process is slower now (carpal tunnel) but I love to draw so much it is so fun if my bitchass ibis won't crash that is hehehehe (it crashed a million times trying to first time make a comic digitally I'm 💥💥💥)

[sweetangelanon]

Comic analysis because i'll end up going feral an biting someone if i don't, art belongs to @js-sexchange-surgeon-steinman The comic in question is right here The first imagine in a comic really sets the tone and are pretty important when telling your story. And you can already tell that'll be a grim one on the first panel not just because of the dark. It's easy to miss if you're speed reading or your pc's light's to low but there are the shadowed forms of spring bonnie and a smaller form, a child. Oswald is the obvious choice, but it could be anyone. Knowing him like we do this scene has played out so many times before with other kids.... I think the one thing to note is that there's no struggling between the shadows no attempts of escape just.... side by side.

It's Oswald, trapped, unable to run away. Spring bonnie is standing right behind him pushing him forward. The sweat on Oswald's brow reflects that Spring bon's presence is overwhelming, a heavy thing hanging behind his back. Before this we note Oswalds inner dialog. Which to any adult would be utterly mortifying to hear a kid speak that way about themselves. At least to adults who care about a child's well being would. There's this deep sadness to it, an acceptance that this is normal an expected to happen to him for being 'bad' yet even the baddest kid doesn't deserve this. No child deserves to be basically lead to their death. This death can be metaphorical or a real one I wouldn't put it past old willy's reflection here either.

Bon's grin here is utterly sickening it makes you nauseous just looking at it. The way his arm is lifted up ever so slightly and his fingers- it just makes you wonder what is he going to do. Will it be a punch? A slap? His eyes are also a defining feature here they glow and give the sense of being able to strip anyone who is under them raw. As if he knows what they're thinking, what you the viewer are thinking and he take glee in whatever he's seeing. Oswald calls himself a brat and if it wasn't obvious before its obvious now that his home life is lonely- so achingly lonely with no one else to speak to, most likely ignored in the home, looked over, and maybe there was no active malice too it but to me at least the most hurtful things parents or even trusted adults can say are the things they say off-handedly without thought. After reading a bit of the into the pit book analysis done his parents almost come off like the type who only had a child because it was expected. Or, maybe even the type who only wanted a child so they could have those 'cute' milestone moments, yet never decided to think of said child ever being an adult, their own person. They never wanted to know that version of their child and the thing parents forget is that children gain independent thoughts faster then they think.

Ah, the illustrious ball pit the cause of Oswald's misery. Yet, at the same time it was a sweet trap as well- he was able to talk to other kids his age, to hang out with them and feel like he was a normal kid for a while because of said ball pit. Bon's connection to it can't be ignored though... He was always connected to it, in a way it's a part of this creature.

These three panels in particular make me feel deeply claustrophobic. The black background gives the feeling that this is happening in a small enclosed space. Rabbit's of course keep their young buried underground to protect them, yet there's always the chance of death. It only takes a bit of a shake for the tunnels the rabbit dug to fall ontop of their own head's suffocating the young before they're even able to open their eyes.

It reminded me of a line from Harpy Hare 'Where have you buried all your children?' which if connected to this could be spun as metaphorical, or real question maybe even both. This is all purposeful though and what I find the most interesting is the fact that not only Oswald, a victim is seen as a bunny in these panel's, but the other victims are as well. Oswald's being led to them as if he's just another bunny to the litter. This correlates with a sense of ownership, that they belong to Spring Bonnie here. Have you ever heard about the largest, most abused minority are children? Children are seen as the property of their parents, items to fight over in court, something a little less then human, their thoughts and feelings don't matter because 'they don't make sense nor can they think logically like we can' and I feel that it shines out in these pages. That the parent 'always' knows best

Another page that makes me cry and throw up and cry an idk how im meant to be normal about this. The fact that Jeff is only a trusted adult because it's logical for people to want money. That if you have the money you can move them. Not because of things like, love and care it's the money he knows Jeff wants and he'll give it to him if he can get this one man to stick around. I can't tell if Oswald is being dragged forward in this one; or if he's being lifted up. Either way this is reminding me of the fact that adults can just abuse their children in public and- no one will say anything. What can you say? Even if you try to help it could cause the child more pain when they get home behind closed doors. A fucked situation to bear witness too while to others this is just normal "punishment" being dished out. There is this frown to Jeff's lips, possible disgust but at who? A grimace over what he's trying to ignore/what he's seeing? Sometimes I wish violence was the option come on Jeff just fucking hit him with your mop GOD.

They say ignorance is bliss but can you even call this ignorance in the first place? It's so purposeful, so hurtful, to see Jeff, a man who Oswald had claimed to be his trusted adult keep his back turned on him. There's nothing here for Oswald to lean on just the darkness surrounding him, threatening to suck him in.

The lines here could get me in a whole other rant about societies view on masculinity, how what society feeds boys only breaks them and makes it difficult for them to regulate their emotions as adults. Slapping them with this expectation, that they must be unfeeling pillars of strength unable to show the hint of weakness or it will be spit upon. Forcing boys to either keep it all bottled up or to lash out. Oswald bottles it up and it will destroy him from the inside out.

dknckndksncnjdscVJL;NSKSKCSJDSSJ;CD;C;SDJSDKDSNKDN MY EYES HURT MY EYES HURT MY EYES HURT SSO BAD STARING A THIS PANEL someone blind fold me I can't do this anymore I cna't i can't i can't the agony the restless nights just knowing that he is outthere behind that door listening waiting for oswald to make a move so it can have some sense of excuse to bust the door down

I' goin g to throw u p I can't even get into these im cracking my skull open

My mental state deteriorating the longer I go on beauae im getting so excited and chomping an wanting to scream but loosing the ability to write coherent sentences god god go. The blue eyes in this one- one thing that I can note here is that bon's eyes are pretty. I just find them and the eyes before such pretty shades of blue yet you make sure to have the blue light coming from them be harsh, unappealing, making me think of dark alleyway corner behind a night club.

I can mentally hear the scratching sound that he's making, claws against china and it's hurting my teeth an im pissed off at him for that put YOUR CLAWS BACK BITCH I CAN'T CONCENTRATE LIKE THAT. Note Oswad's expression here, tight lipped frown as if he's barely managing to keep back a cry i wouldn't be surprised if he was trembling ever so slightly, you know?

The fact that this can be seen as before everything happened- where Oswald is yearning for any form of attention, for someone to see him and spring bonnie is rising up from the ball pit right behind him GIVING HIM THAT ATTENTION- but it's not the type of attention he really wanted, wanted affection- yearning for closeness an understanding adult in his life that he's not scared to talk to.

This panel here was one of the darkest ones that I really had to zoom in to read what the text said. DO i regret reading it? Maybe. "Nobody has ever looked at me like that. Like they really, really wanted to hurt me. I didn't know that was real." An get where he's coming from it's jarring to see to meet EYES with someone with so little care. Whats worse then being ignored, brushed over? Is being despised. It's something you have to experience for yourself to truly understand it to have someone look at you like that. The best I can explain it, is just how sick it makes you feel it- unlocks this animalistic fear response in you, it can haunt you, follow you even after that person is gone.

To me this panel the meat on the plate vaguely looks like Oswalds face to me. The knife gently sinking into it, caressing the skin, tender in a way which only makes it more sickening. If I had to take meds at night I'd blame my reasoning on them cuz i don't think it's meant to be seen like that but fuck it this is MY THOUGHTS!!!! NO ESCAPE!!!1

This is the one panel that threw me for a loop. Is this showing something that has happened? Or, is it showing something that Oswald himself wanted, affection, love, protection? I had a thought of what if this whole time the rabbit was really a metaphor for his dad and how his dad treats him. But I think that's jumping the shark. Also look at how disarmingly soft bon's look is here... it's oddly tender, the calm before the storm. The arm wrapped around Oswald's mom and Oswald just snuggled up in the middle... it looks domestic, feels familiar.

I'm gonna end it im going to punch things personally because there is so much symbolism right here with the foxy mask, the party hat the way that Oswald is tied up.... This is not affection nor love, but in ways this is the rabbit's own twisted form of love. Possession, obsession, owning, marking. I could also bring up Micheal afton- Oswald possibly given the foxy mask because he was 'just' as troublesome as Michael was to William. Granted they where trouble in different ways.

[ethanharli]

Pairing(s): Legosi x Top Male Reader

Warning(s): Cursing, fluff, wounds, nothing much, slight nsfw.

_________________

 Legosi grunted softly as I dragged my tongue against the open wound on his back before examining them closely, "Did you really have to lick it..?" He mumbled, obviously feeling a bit uneasy. I on the other hand couldn't help but sigh, even though my blood was boiling at the sight, "Just because I'm a hybrid doesn't mean my saliva still can't help" I exclaimed, now taking the antiseptic and pressing it carefully against his wounds. His body winced from the contact and I tried to suppress a whine of worry, "I'm sorry.." My eyes narrowed in slight annoyance at his apology, he's been apologizing ever since he and Bill got into that fight on stage, then again I'd like to punch in Bill face too.

"Legosi it's fine, how many times do I got to tell you to stop apologizing? I get why you did it, I'm not made nor disappointed, If I new what Bill had I would have punched him too" I growled out, feeling my nose twitch from the rising anger. Bill was stupid for having rabbits blood on him, and what he did to Legosi added fuel to the fire, hell I was so close to running up on stage to rip his throat out. "But I hope you know I will cut his dick off and shove it so far down his throat that it comes out his ass" I smiled, not really noticing Legosi's body stiffen from my words, I was to lost in my own world of torture and anger to really pay attention.

"Alright sit up puppy I gotta wrap you up" I spoke, using the nickname I had given to him back when we were kids. I held in a small chuckle when his tail started to wag slightly, but either way I took the bandages and slipped my arms under his, trying my hardest to make sure my chest made no contact with his back whatsoever. Once I was done I shifted around to where my fluffy [H/c] tail rested in his lap, he seemed grateful for the act and gently started playing with my tail, "Do you ever plan on trimming your fur?" He asked, combing his claws through my fur happily, but his question got me to think for a moment, since its been about a month or two since I last trimmed my fur. Reaching up I scratched at my poor excuse of antlers, they were basically little nubs honestly, like a deer finally growing them in.

"I don't know, I think I look handsome this way" I laughed, merely joking. Nevertheless Legosi's silence kind of cut me off guard, as if he were actually pondering about the thought of my fur, "I think you'd look handsome either way" It took him a moment to register what he had said, and by the way my small smile went to a teasing smirk. "Awe Legosi! Are you trying to flirt with me?" I joked, bringing my hand to his face, slowly letting my claws glide under his muzzle, the way his body shivered from the touch excited me, but the feeling was quickly blown off knowing that his heart belongs to someone else. 

"N-no! I- I uh" He stuttered, desperately trying to figure out what to say. My smirk faded away as my eyes traveled to his face, taking in all the details, his fur was softer then it looks, and his eyes were so captivating that I got lost in them almost every time I look at them, and on the outside he might seem big and scary, but he's as delicate as a flower. It's definitely a shame that I can't have him for myself, Haru is one lucky girl huh. "Don't worry puppy I was only teasing, but I'll leave you alone now, you probably got something else you want to do then be cooped up in here with me yeah?" I forced a smile, not wanting him to know I was upset since I'd never hear the end of it if he found out. With a quick stretch and a weird glance from Legosi I got up, putting the medicine and such away before heading towards the door, "Wait" Ah, fuck.

Guess I'm easy to read huh? Dammit, "Are you okay?" His words dripped with concern, along with his eyes, which I avoided looking into, knowing I'd give in from just one glance. Don't do it [Y/n], you know better, "I'm fine, but you're the one with a clawed up back so you should try to rest" It was almost suffocating getting the words out, my body couldn't help but stiffen at the touch of his hand against my own. "Could you stay a little longer?" Well, there goes my restraint. A deep sigh slipped past my muzzle as I sat back down next to him, knowing this'll be bad for my heart but not caring if it mean't making him feel better, "Just a little longer."

However, I nearly choked when he climbed between my legs, looking up at me before wrapping his arms around my torso, and placing his head on my shoulder. "Thank you" He mumbled quietly, relaxing his body against mine, the feeling was almost foreign since we haven't cuddled up like this in so long, it hurts knowing how much I missed this, and knowing this couldn't be a regular thing. Wrapping my arms around his waist I quickly took advantage of this moment, knowing it would most likely be the last time it happens, taking in a deep inhale his scent merely intoxicated me, this feeling was something I didn't want to let go of, a warm but comforting feeling that sent me into a moment of bliss.

And I was feeling reckless, cause I've never been one to give up so easily. 

"Legosi."

But was it a chance I was willing to take? The chance to express my feelings but possibly lose the only friend I have?

"Hm- Ah! Hey!" My body moved on it own, shifting to push Legosi forward, not exactly pinning him to the floor since I didn't want to put any pressure on his wound. My hand moved from his waist to his neck, looking from his eyes to his lips every now and then, the urge to kiss him was so overwhelming, so intriguing, but so scary all at the same time. "I'm sorry" Was all I could utter out before pulling him into a desperate kiss, that felt even better then anything I had imagined, my other hand immediately trailed to the small of his back, flushing his body against mine.

All common sense went out the window after that, and I just couldn't help but trail my lips to his neck, leaving short but soft kisses while proceeding to his collarbone, where I nipped carefully, loving the way his body practically squirmed under me. "[Y-Y/n]?" His voice cut me out of my trance, but my hands stayed in place, not wanting to pull away in the slightest, "I'm sorry Legosi, it's just so fucking hard to hide the fact I love you" My smile turned bitter for a short second, wondering how I could try and get out of this situation. "You love me..?" Was the only response I got, I could only reply with a slightly nod, letting the embarrassment consume me, this was not the way I wan't him to find out, but, if not this way then would I have ever done it? That was definitely a thought to ponder over.

I was pleasantly surprised when he turned my gaze back towards him, tracing his thumb over my muzzle softly before hesitantly pulling me back into the kiss. Legosi practically submitted under me, slowly moving his arms around my neck so he wouldn't strain his back to much while my heart soared in my chest, causing my tail to wag viciously. My hands traveled back down to his hips, letting my lips wander around his neck, giving a few occasional nips and licks every now and then, happily listening to his soft moans. Until I licked behind his ear, causing him to moan a little louder then the other times, a small chuckle escaped my lips as I abused that spot, trailing my hand over his abdomen. 

Yet, my movement stopped when I finally realized how nervous he is, hell he's practically shaking. A small smile adored my features as I kissed him one last time before pulling him into a soothing hug, "I won't force you into anything Legosi I promise, I don't mind taking it slow" His body relaxed after that, and it wasn't until now that I noticed his tail was wagging almost as much as mine was.

"Hey Legosi?" I asked, eyes still watching his tail intently. "Yeah?"

"I love you" My smile grew when his tail started to practically thump against the floor.

"I..I love you too."

[lovee-infected]

♦♥ Paint them red ♠♣

[Yandere!Riddle Rosehearts x reader] [pr 1] [pr 2]

♦♥♠♣

(y/n) was only 9 when she first found her hidden place through the forest . An area covered by tallest of trees and darkest of shadows .

Quiet

(y/n) found herself gazing upon the large table covered with a dirty white table cloth .Two cracked teapots on two sides of it , several small teacups in front of seven wooden chairs set all around .

" W-wow"

As the cold wind started to Howl , she slowly walked closer to be the uninvited guest to this party , admiring the pace and forest's small surprise for her.

She bowed down as a proper apology to the imaginary guests .

" Sorry for being late !"

Taking a seat , she found a hat with multiple bruises and different colorful fabrics on it , having it's sunlight colors turned black and gray as the result of being left out there for days ; dare to say years .

"Mad hatter..!"

She turned around to catch each and every easter egg , waiting there for her to discover them .

A broken chest clock . (Y/n) carefully picked it up , realizing it's cold and wet body while smelling its ringed copper .

"My my , March heir is late again? "

(y/n) giggled as she tries to sound as legit as possible

"Well he'd better be early , or Queen of hearts would be off with his he-"

(y/n) Froze as she heared bushes shaking . She didn't realize how she dropped the chest clock until she sound of broken glass shook her .

'Who was there?'

"Wh...who is there...?"

no anwser came

(y/n) said , trying her best to hide her fear from exploding and voice from shaking . Hearing the bushes shaking wasn't supposed to be any big deal , but things are different when you're all alone into the woods .

" Hello...?"

"C...come out !"

She dared to step forward trying to get a better sight of whatever was going on behind the bushes . Seeing the! shaking again she let out a silent scream .

Once again , silence poured the atmosphere .

(y/n) slowly lowered herself , picking up a rock

"Last chance ; come out ! Or you'll regret it !!"

This was taking too long...

"Okay ! Take it !!"

She angrily threw it to the bushes , just to make making something or better to say , someone, smirk playfully :

" You're really terrible at targeting , aren't you ?"

Hearing the voice , (y/n) first froze . Then want mad again :

" AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE AT MAKING SMALL TALK !" , she shouted angrily , face as red as a tomato now .

"JUST A COWARD WOULD DARE TO STALK ON A YOUNG LADY LIKE THIS !!"

"Me ? stalking ? " , the childish voice continued to tease her : "Then what would you say about entering one's private place uninvitedly . You're lucky it's not with the Queen of hearts ; she would've been off with your head by the time you realized..," the boy giggled sarcastically .

(Y/n) got even redder but now , there was a bit of shame as well . This place ? One's private area ? No way .

She couldn't imagine once in a hundred times that such a mess might actually be owned by someone . At least it could've been kept...cleaner .

" If I were you , I would've considered at least wiping off the dust once in a month ! Also , if you really "own" this messed up tea party , then stop sneaking LIKE A RAT and show yourself !" , it might've been too much to call someone mad at you for stepping into their property 'rat' , but that was no big deal since they were just children .

For the third time , silence granted the atmosphere

"If you don't , then I'll come there myse-"

She was cut off as the red haired kid came out of the shadows , giving her an uninterested look .

" First , I wasn't sneaking ; I was ' watching ' . You've been doing the same for your first 10 minutes here. Also , this isn't a simple tea party , this is a non- birthday party . Tea parties don't have many deserts served and won't usually have more than 6 guests . That's the difference "

(y/n) went speechless , she meant to kick the bastard who's been scaring her and instead , she was given a presentation about differences between tea parties and non-birthday paries . 'Whoever this guy is , he surely has a thing for non-birthday parties' , she thought . Taking her time to analyse the boy more carefully , she realized that he was actually... cute . Short messy red hair with a weird hair cut that shaped a heart upon his head , shiny silver eyes that kinda matched the dirty color of that dirty tablecloth , tidy clothes that proved that he did come from a high class family indeed ...

'Such an ironic attitude is a total contrast to this cute appearance'

"What's your name ? "

"Ah...what?",she was suddenly pulled out of her day dreaming and for a second , didn't get what she was asked.

"Your name , I said," Riddle replied .

"I'm..."

She felt awkward taking for too long to anwser such a childish question so decided to take advantage of it

"Don't you know the appropriate way to ask for a lady's name ? " , she tried to sound as mature as possible

"If it's a "lady" who has stepped into my property , I think this way's appropriate enough, "

He got (y/n) in that point so there was no need to be offended

"It's....(y/n)," she mumbled slowly , giving him a look as an expect of his name .

He smiled at your name and stepped closer to you: " I'm Riddle , pleasure to meet you ,(y/n) "

He patiently brought you his hand to shake it .

" Pleasure to meet you to , Riddle "

The ironic atmosphere now seemed to be gone , even the forest didn't feel as dark and cold as a few seconds ago .

" Well well , (y/n) . I'm not gonna be off with your head but I'm not gonna let you pass like nothing has happened either ," he said holding a smirk .

His was still teasing her , but she were getting used to his cringy attitude . 'Perhaps he isn't that bad after all , ' she thought .

"And now ? What are "you" going to do to me ? Trial me in a court or push me into a rabbit hole ?" you asked with a playful tone , not minding to tease him back a little bit .

Riddle's smile disappeared , making him break eye contact with you . This wasn't the anwser he was expecting .

He took a quick look around before having his eye caught on something .

A small grin appeared upon his lips : " Neither , I've got a better idea,"

"Huh?" she asked , raising an eyebrow

'God , this boy is taking a joke seriously ,maybe I should've explained better...'

"Paint them red , all of them ," he said pointing to rose bushes surrounding them .

"Paint what....?" , she asked , still unsure if it was another joke .

"This area's surrounded by white roses . Queen of hearts would've been really disappointed if she were here , wouldn't she? She probably would've wanted them all...red "

(y/n) Couldn't really get if he was kidding or not but she found not the smallest of sense of humor into his solid tune .

She sighed , asking : " Okay , how should I be coloring them , then ? "

"Use those," Riddle ordered , pointing to back of you .

You returned to see a paint can with a paint brush on it . It took her a few minutes to stop watching since it seemed pretty odd to her. 'They weren't there before...' she thought.

"If I lose my temper , you lose head girl . So be fast." Riddle warned her ; not that (y/n) was taking him seriously though...not yet

(y/n) bowed down to pick the brush and paint can . She trembled a bit when her hand firstly touched thr can's unexpectedly cold fuselage. She pulled it up , trying to open it

" why doesn't it open ?" she mumbled while struggling with the can , trying to open it . 'Just how hard has this thing been sealed ?!' she held it between her thigh dragging it's door with all her power left in her fist .

" Ouch-! "

She managed to catch the can before having all the color spilled , that was close . She sat once again at the dirty , wet ground ; staring at the half empty , opened can . She then realised red color on her finger .

"You had your finger cut by just opening a can? " , Riddle questioned .

'How long has he been standing there ?' she thought , realizing how close he was to her now .

You rose your head to find Riddle staring at you , arms crossed and eyes a little bit widened .

"Here , take my hand," he said offering you his hand . She held his hand , expecting him to pull it and helo her stand up , but he did nothing but to hold her hand , making have to raise using her only one hand . She relied her hand on the earth , feeling the wet soil and small rocks within her fingers. With one push , she stood up , slightly pulling her hand from Riddle's , but he didn't let go . He wasn't looking into her face , yet he was staring at her finger , which was covered in dirt and small sight of blood .

"Can you , let go of my hand?" (y/n) asked uncomfortably , she didn't really enjoy the way he was starting at her finger.

Riddle silently rose his head and locked eyes with her : " Are you gonna waste that ?"

"Waste what...?"

" Your blood ,"

(y/n) stood blank at the anwser , more from how calm and serious it was said . She uncomfortably tried to free her hand from his fist : " What do you mean by wasting my-"

She didn't get to continue as Riddle pulled her hand with him , almost making her fall . He brings himself closer to the rose bushes , pulling (y/n) with him .

"Hey ! what are you-," she protested ; not that Riddle was actually listening.

Riddle pulls her closer to the white bushes , letting go of her hand and holding her finger instead .

"Right there..." he lowly whispered , holding her finger with one hand while putting the other on her waist , slightly making (y/n) bow down , her face too close to touch the thorns.

He gently brings her finger closer to a rose , softly putting it on a petal as if your finger was kissing it . He slowly moves her finger to spread the color , turning the lifeless white to a deep , glossy red . (Y/n) could feel his warm breathes upon her neck , along with the sound of his heart beating at her back :

All so calm and gentle , followed by an organized rhythm coming one after one , never in a hurry....

He continued to paint the roses with your blood ; until your finger gets too dry to be used . He carefully pulls her finger back , makimg sure that it won't be touched by any thorns , then pulling back all her body from the roses .

Riddle suddenly let go of her hand a body , making (y/n) lose balance for a second .

"Fine then , get to your work . They aren't gonna be colored on their own," he mumbled , clearing his throat . (y/n) sighed again . The gentle and calm painter holding her tightly before was now gone . The strict ruler of forest was back . But why did he have to turn away ?As he was turning his head from her , was that , blush she saw upon his pale cheeks ?

"Get to work . We haven't got all day " he ordered .

Well at least , this Riddle made more sense than the one which...which was there a few minutes ago or whatever-

Quickly , (y/n) picked up the brush and can , not wanting Riddle to be mad at her again.

If she were trying to be honest , she must have admitted that it wasn't too bad being ordered around by the redhead . He seemed to have his own childish trends along with his cold, strict personality . Also , she did agree that she found him cute .

It was not only because of his naturally rare hair color together with his chubby cheeks and silver eyes , but she was also attracted to his ,well, dramatical side . She could still feel his slender fingers on her waist ; so soft and gentle , yet strong . (Y/n) wasn't sure why , but she felt attached to those very few seconds . As a child , she might've considered those "moments" as part of her romantic fantasies , until the day she finds her own prince charming holding her close and gentle ; showing her a true happy ending and making her finally believe in fairy tales ; to have a happy ending .

Ah but how wrong she was...

Both about those seductive minutes and fairy tales

♦♦♦♦

"Enough"

(y/n) was unexpectedly stopped . 'What's the matter? There are still half of the bushes left ,' she thoughtv. What was wrong ? Wasn't he satisfied with the color or hadn't she colored them properly ? Could that be her wasting too much color on each rose ? She didn't know-

Hundreds of thoughts scaped her mind in a matter of seconds as she tried to find out what might've dissatisfied Riddle : " Um , anything wrong ?"

"Hm , should it be ?" he replied . A small grin started to appear on his lips as he got closer to rose bushes , checking their each and every detail from petals to leaves. "Well I can't deny it , I'm impressed ," he said , cutting a flower from its bush : " The color's solid and well spreaded , neither too tender nor too thick , it's just like a glacier of ice covering the petals , " He steps toward you , not taking his eyes off the flower for even a second . He brushes his finger upon the petals , careful not to ruin or harm them : " Eventhough it's colored , I can still feel it's softness under my fingers . Most of the flowers turn rough and scaly with color on them..."

He continues to explore each and every detail left on the flower , making (y/n) more and more attached . She could even say that this made her admire Riddle as he was , such a patient and accuracy wasn't something you'd get to see everyday , he did surely have an eye for detail . Each and every reply from him seemed like a million to her , making her want more of it . Before she could've realized , Riddle was now really close to her . With now their breathes meeting , it was just a few inches away . (y/n) moved her eyes from the ground to the rose and then , from the rose to Riddle's eyes . Suddenly she feels butterflies in his stomach , making her gulp and hold her breathe .

"Nice job done , (y/n)"

(y/n) could feel blood rushing to her cheeks again time but it was greater this time , making her face sweat a bit .

Riddle didn't move an eyebrow , he simply kept watching ; again . (y/n) Found his gaze a bit uncomfortable , deciding to bring on a subject to wreck this unsettling silence : " Shall I paint these last ones as well?" she said , pointing to the roses behind your back with your paintbrush ; still wet in red .

"Indeed , " Riddle nodded .

"But not today"

Once again , he turns to بوته ها , slowly moving his hand above the roses as he walked , giving his movement a soft , yet organized , rhythm .

"It's starting to get dark already , it would be such a pitty if you lost your way through the woods , wouldn't it ?"

His words made (y/n) recognize how fast time had passed : She'd got there a while after the sunrise and now it was... What time was it ? 6 ? 7 ? She couldn't tell .

She looked up to the grayish sky ; now all covered in dark clouds . She couldn't quite keep her eyes open as wind started to blew , getting soil and dust into her eyes and making all trees and bushes shake heavily . She could hear crows cawing as they all flew away , filling the sky with portraits of wandering shadows .

Riddle came to you , not being the least affected by the unsettling atmosphere :

"30 days "

You thought that you must have misheard him through that thunder of sounds , but there was no mistake . He was speaking loud and clear

"You'll be returning herr in 30 days , one month . I'd be waiting here . Don't be late , miss (y/n) ,"

(y/n) didn't know how to reply , so wasn't she going to paint the rest till then ? Was he trying to tease her even more by making this game last for another month or... she was being invited to an actual tea party ?

(y/n) didn't get to anwser as a flash of lightning brightened the sky , making her let out a silent scream . She just quickly shook her head as an okay and started to run out of the place. At the moment , (y/n) didn't get why she agreed to such a nonsense. But soon it came clear that it wasn't a request ;

it was an order.

And all she could do was showing her obedience toward the redhead , even if it didn't make any sense.

As she was panting heavily trying to find her way within endless trees and wild winds , her minb was running toward the silver eyed boy . His words , his gaze , his eyes , he surely was much of a riddle after all... a complicated one of course .

But...

There was something about him that busied her mind :

~"You'll be returning to me in 30 days , one month . I'd be waiting here for you to come . Don't be late for the non-birthday party , miss (y/n)"~

His voice echoed through her head , making her smile . She couldn't deny being hyped for the next time they met and getting to know this new friend of her better . There were hundreds of questions popping in her mind already , giving her a sense of curiosity and excitement .

♥♥♥♥

Days flew away and before she could've imagined , (y/n) was standing again within the treeless area , but not quite the same as the last time :

(y/n) Could feel the smell of steamed tea combined with softness of sweet vanilla , then having it even better with a mild scent of fresh flowers through the air .

Table looked... different now . Broken teapots were replaced with classic , florid ones and previously dirty , gray tablecloth was white and tiddy . Empty plates and dishes were filled with colorful shortcakes , sandwiches , marshmallows and other eye-catching desserts .

She couldn't help but to hold tip of her dress bowing down in respect of her host's hospitality , who has been watching her for minutes now .

" 2 minutes late , any excuses ?" , Riddle said coming out of the shadows, holding a clock in his hand .

"Almost lost my way though the woods , that's why ," (y/n) said . Trying to seem as polite as possible ; in contrast to her last time .

Riddle sighed , definitely not even a bit satisfied with the anwser . But he wasn't really fascinated either since it was (y/n) they were talking about .

"Anyways , let's not delay the party anymore . May I ? " , he said , genty holding his hand to her with a soft smile . ' He can really be much of a gentleman sometimes ' , she thought . Riddle patiently leads her to the other side of table , pulling the chair for hair to sit . " What a gentleman ," (y/n) smirked , taking her seat . Riddle sat at the other side of table , locking eyes with her . " And now , let the non-birthday party begin ! Happy non-birthday to you (y/n) ! " Riddle says cheerfully , rising his tea cup . (y/n) giggled softly , taking her own tea cup , this was going to be long day...

" Happy non-birthday to you too , Riddle !"

♪♪♪♪

"Enough for today "

'Again..?', (y/n) thought . She stood up to see the amount of roses done with coloring : a quarter of them were still left... she'd just painted half of what was left from the other time . "Um...I can finish them toda-"

"No," Riddle cut her off : "It's already pretty late . I don't want you getting lost ."

"It's not that la-" she recognized how late it really was by looking at the sky . How did it pass so fast ? Perhaps it was because of how much they talked while having a... non-birthday party. She couldn't feel time passing at all .

" So...when should I be back for...the rest of them ?"

Riddle smiled at your question , more because of seeing you willing for a next time .

"30 days , one month . Don't be late..."

(y/n) smiled slowly taking her way to the woods . Just before getting to far from Riddle to see , she turned back gently bowing down : " Thanks for the tea , Riddle "

Riddle just shook a head as a you're welcome , but that was enough for (y/n) . She'd never expected him to be this hospitable with her , and that was already more than enough for her .

On her way back , something was stock in her mind again : Was she really going to finish the roses next time or would it end up with one eighth of them left ? Or was the redhead afraid of not seeing her again if this little game of him didn't continue ? Come to think of it , they all seemed cute to young , naive (y/n) , cheerful about her new friend.

But there were other consequences as well she didn't notice at the time

The new roses growing after their monthly duration was just one of them...

♦♥♠♣

Tagging : @yandere-romanticaa @roaringyouth @tsuisute @yandere-wishes @yandere-of-your-dreams @ghostiebabey @twst-soul @kanaverni @twistedlymad ♥

[kittkatt-420]

Endeavors of the Mind (Part Four)

Bakugo and Midoriya both struggle with different aspects of their newfound relationship. Katsuki wants to be more open with his affections for Deku, but is hindered by his intimacy issues. Izuku covets Kacchan's affection, but is too afraid of being overbearing.

~Or the one where Bakugo and Midoriya both want the same things from each other, but are too oblivious to notice.

BakuDeku-centric with mentions of KiriShido and TodoMomo. Yaoi. M/M

X

Midoriya overthinks things, causing Bakugo to have some self reflection. This leads Katsuki to make a big decision about their relationship.

Part Four

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Izuku's emerald eyes shot open, wide and fearful, blood running cold. His scarred fingers went slack against Kacchan as the loud snap echoed loudly amidst the darkness. It reverberated ominously in his ears until it was all he could hear over and over again, drowning out all other noise and thought. His heart clenched, knot forming in his stomach, twisting his insides until he thought he'd puke. This was bad.

'We've been caught...' His mind numbly informed him, heart picking up pace as the words swirled in his head, nauseating and oppressive. His body quivered anxiously, lump forming in his airway. The thought of exposure set his body into a spiral of fear, dread clawing away inside him, causing his vision to tunnel and blur. This would ultimately cause complications for Kacchan. Kirishima finding out was one thing, but this...

This would not settle well with Bakugo - Deku knew that without a doubt; it'd put a heavy strain on their relationship, leaving Izuku to try and mend the damage it would inevitably cause.

Kacchan put up a strong front, seemingly unbreakable and indifferent to others opinions and thought - a hero who showed no weakness, and the green-haired teen knew that was true most of the time. Bakugo was as fiery and unwavering as his Quirk, passionate and all consuming, unafraid, reckless and proud! It's what he loved most about him - what pulled him towards him! But Midoriya also knew Kacchan wasn't always such a thick wall of confidence and bravado - that wall would crumble sometimes, insecurities visible to Izuku alone; the mossy-haired teen had always been the exception to the blonde's breakdowns. Kacchan never hid his feeling from Deku, and even when he did try, it wouldn't be long before he opened up to the smaller hero - one way or another. Kacchan was human and subject to human emotions, even though he acted otherwise, and the freckled teen knew something of this magnitude spilling out before the explosive hero adjusted would leave Kacchan vulnerable and open. The shorter boy knew that would devastate Bakugo. He'd see it as a weakness, and he was too proud to allow himself to be seen in that light. It would probably cause him to withdraw from Izuku - seeing him as the cause of that weakness!

'I can't lose this progress with Kacchan!'

The younger boy knew that'd be like starting all over again, making him swallow hard against the lump that threatened to choke him - the mere notion made Deku's stomach twist painfully, heart pounding with bruising force against his rib cage.

The freckled teen feared losing the progress they'd just achieved!

Another snap echoed in the dark, causing Katsuki's vermilion eyes to dart around the dark foliage. Trying to find the source of the sound, the older teen gripped harder onto Deku, knowing the green-haired hero still didn't have full control of his legs. Bakugo's heart beat erratically, blood rushing in his ears - adrenaline pumped throughout him at the fear of being caught. He didn't know what he'd do if someone was out there lurking like a fucking creep, watching them and then speaking even a word about them.

The thought of their relationship being broadcast to the world before its time made the explosive hero's stomach churn nervously, and he fucking hated it. It was one thing to be anxious when it involved doing things with Izuku - cuz that damn nerd had a way of making him feel all these jittery feelings all the time - but to feel them out of apprehension was infuriating. He didn't like these stupid feelings running through him. The blonde knew he had to find a way out of this damned dilemma if he wanted it to stop. The aggressive teen couldn't deal with this right now. It was too stressful of a time already with graduation right around the corner, and he didn't need to add this on top of his already preoccupied mind!

'Fuck whatever asshole is out here!'

Another snap resounded, and Bakugo's glare zeroed onto a rustling bush. His palm flickered with the beginnings of an explosion, ready to blast whatever shithead crawled out,  heat of his Quirk slowly burning away the sticky substance that still coated his hand.

On top of everything, things were finally starting to become comfortable between him and Deku; they were making so much fucking progress, it almost blew his fucking mind. But still, the explosive hero wasn't quite ready yet - Katsuki needed just a little more fucking time, then it'd be time to announce it after they graduated! A small part of why he wanted to stay private about their relationship was to avoid everyone meddling in their affairs, causing them both undue stress; Bakugo didn't want to risk distractions - they couldn't afford it with their goals coming so close to fruition, and he wanted to make sure he and Deku graduated together!

The rustling increased, and the taller boy tensed, anticipating someone tumbling out. But to his relief, a small rabbit hopped out instead, staring at him with wide eyes before scurrying back into the brush. The bomber hero could only assume that's what caused the twigs to snap, but even so, Katsuki was still on guard.

If someone really was out there and saw anything, it would ruin both his and Midoriya's hard work keeping it on the down-low. Most of their classmates were shit when it came to keeping things secret, and if even a hint of a rumor hit Ashido's fucking ears, it'd be a matter of minutes before word spread like a disease among everyone in the party, forcing his hand in the situation.

Katsuki cursed aloud at the notion, scowl prominent on his lips, "Fuckers."

Bakugo knew he simply couldn't allow that - to have one of those idiots decide something of this caliber for him, it was un-fucking-acceptable! His teeth ground together, clenching hard at the thought, heart thumping with anger. This relationship was a choice he and Izuku made together, and he'd be damned if he allowed some fucking prick to take that from them, but most importantly - to take that from Izuku! If the crimson-eyed teen was going to go public before his allotted time, he would do so with his nerd at his side and not because some loud-mouthed asshole outed them. The bomber teen owed that privilege to Deku alone for being so understanding and patient with him!

"-ro- you-," came a distant echo, voice carried by the soft breeze, yet muddled by the swaying trees, making it difficult to distinguish. It confirmed that someone was indeed out there -  which wasn't good at all. But if Bakugo focused on the brighter side of this shit scenario - the voice sounded far off, meaning they had some time before whomever ventured close enough to find them.

"We got some time, nerd. But we can't stay here long," he spoke, glaring angrily into the trees. He found a modicum of relief in the fact, but he still didn't like this at all. "If we don't leave soon, whatever dumb fuck is out there will find us."

The aggressive teen felt Deku quiver in response, but he didn't speak. Katsuki didn't think anything of it, mind racing as he ground his teeth harder, wishing he could just use his Quirk to get them out of their situation. His palm twitched with aggressive anticipation, smoke wafting off his free hand, heat burning away the remainder of residue of their intimate affair. He didn't like this at all - standing here on the defensive just waiting. The blonde hero didn't have much patience, and what little he did have was quickly running out. The taller teen didn't know how long he could stay here, lingering in place, observing for movements, waiting around just to be found. But he had to wait for Deku to recover, nerves and body still over-exerted if his continued shaking and breathlessness was any indication - then they could get the fuck up out of here and waltz back into the stupid party like nothing ever fucking happened!

"-ooo!"

The carmine-eyed hero heard the soft echo of that voice calling out again, but it was difficult to pinpoint exactly where it came from - sounds bouncing in the darkness. His sense were on high alert, ruby orbs scanning the blackness but seeing nothing, moonlight casting deep shadows across the earth, shapeless figures swaying with the breeze; ears perked yet hearing far too much, the stirring of leaves, scurrying of small animals, the soft thuds of footsteps, the buzzing of the insects, Izuku's shallow pants and the thumping of the music that still managed to seep outdoors.

It was too much!

Lips pulling into a deeper angry scowl, ruby eyes glowered vehemently into nothingness. Katsuki couldn't keep himself from growling out, teeth exposed as he gnashed them down. Body tense with energy, every nerve in his body eagerly demanded he move - to do anything but fucking observe and wait! The explosive hero couldn't see or do shit in the damn dark and it was driving him crazy! He'd always been a man of action - one to be on the offensive rather than defensive -  and this was killing him!

The older boy's mind raced angrily, debating on whether he should wait for Izuku to fully compose himself or not…

"Fuck this shit!" He seethed, ire bubbling inside him.

"Can you stand on your own yet, Deku?" He asked, voice low with pent-up frustration. Bakugo's agitation was apparent by the way his lip curled viciously, palm flickering with sparks, smoke becoming thicker. He was trying to keep his mounting anger in check, but it was proving more difficult as the seconds ticked past. The blonde teen wanted nothing more at the moment than to exert all this turbulent energy into a giant explosion - blowing things up always made him feel better - and the more the scarlet-eyed hero contemplated the thought, the more it appealed to him. But for obvious reasons, he couldn't;  it'd be like putting up a giant arrow over their fucking heads - somehow, that thought made him angrier.

Deku's forehead rested against his shoulder, but he could feel the puffs of his warm breath against him even though he didn't speak. The taller boy turned his vermilion eyes down towards the smaller teen - feeling Midoriya's scarred fingers clutch his shirt with more force, knuckles turning white.

"Dumbass, you fuckin' ready or not?"

Seconds passed, but Midoriya still didn't reply - even though Katsuki could still feel his hot breath. A vein throbbed hard along his temple, and the blonde teen pulled back from the green-haired hero, lips peeling back, baring his teeth as an ugly grimace marred his features. Ruby eyes narrowed furiously upon the freckled teen.

"Deku!" He growled, arm still enclosed around Izuku's waist, thought not as tightly as before. Bakugo felt the smaller hero tense in his arms, body shaking even more as the older teen slowly unwound his arm from around him.

'What the fuck?' The blonde thought, irritation riling him up. This entire fucking situation was stressing him out more than he'd ever admit.

"Dumb fuck!" The bomber hero snapped harshly, trying to pull his boyfriend from his weird stupor. Damn it, why did the damn nerd have to get all weird now of all fucking times!? He hissed out, teeth grinding, "Can you put your fucking clothes back on yet, fuckface?"

Izuku's warm breath continued to puff against Katsuki's clothes, inaudible murmuring suddenly hitting the blonde's ears. Bakugo released an aggravated groan - knowing Deku was in one of his mumbling modes now. The blonde hero couldn't help but curse the green-haired teen's timing; Midoriya tended to get caught up in his own head every time the mumbling started. The explosive hero dropped his calloused hands onto the smaller hero's shoulders, hoping to rouse the nerd from his thoughts like he'd done in his bedroom.

"Dipshit!"

But it didn't work - Midoriya kept staring unfocused into his shoulder, still fucking mumbling.

"Useless fucking Deku," Bakugo sneered angrily.

The older boy couldn't make out what the viridian hero was murmuring about, and it didn't help that his freckled face was pressed into Katsuki's body, muffling his soft voice even more. His chattering increased, fingers digging further into the cloth of the aggressive boy's shirt as his breath became slightly labored. Katsuki's blonde brows furrowed in confusion, wondering what the fuck could be wrong with the nerdy teen.

"Deku?"

'Things can't go back to the way they were!' Midoriya's mind yelled, panic clouding his mind. The thick haze of his dread drowned out the sound of Kacchan's voice - of Kacchan's touch. The smaller hero's own fears enveloped him; he couldn't handle losing all their progress - he knew that well.

Deku was patient for so long - for so many years...

'Kacchan will close off again. Kacchan will close off again. Kacchan will close off again. Kacchan will close off again. Kacchan will close off again. Kacchan will close off again. Kacchan will close off again.'

...Waiting for the right time to tell Kacchan how he felt - waiting for his affection -  waiting for his kisses - for his touches - for his gaze - for Kacchan to be his! He was patient for so long, and to have all his hard work backfire and set him back to the beginning...

It would absolutely hurt - in every sense of the word. Izuku knew that well - just as he knew how deeply he loved Kacchan; Deku's spirit could only handle so much!

'I can't lose this progress with Kacchan…'

That lump reformed in his throat, clogging his airway, threatening to asphyxiate him. The green-haired boy could feel his panic ripping at him from within - its tendrils spreading throughout his body like a virus - quick, debilitating and destructive. Mind going numb with trepidation, everything started to ebb away, leaving the freckled hero in a suspended state of fear - for Kacchan - for their relationship - and for himself...

'I can't lose this progress with Kacchan! I can't lose this progress with Kacchan. I can't lose this. I can't.'

"Deku?" Katsuki spoke again, voice hard and stern. Yet the anger from before was gone, replaced by confounded worry. Deku wouldn't stop mumbling or gripping tightly onto him, and he wasn't responding to anything. Talking to him or even shaking him did nothing - he just continued to stand there like a zombie, muttering who knew what under his breath. His eyes stayed trained onto the ruby-eyed hero's chest, yet they were hazy and unfocused, staring into vast nothingness. Seeing the smaller boy look so out of sorts made the explosive teen's gut twist; it felt wrong to see the usually smiling nerd like this.

"Talk to me, nerd," he plead, anguish beginning to bleed into his voice. The blonde hero's fingers gripped into Midoriya's shoulders as he shook him slightly, trying to break him from his weird trance. He didn't know what was wrong, and couldn't help but wonder what could put him into a state of mumbling paralysis. It was starting to make him uneasy and fearful - and Katsuki didn't deal with either of those emotions very well.

"Deku?"

'Kacchan isn't ready and they're all gonna know!' Midoriya mused restlessly, words permeating his head like venom. Dread clouded his mind, poisonous ideas taking hold of him, forcing all rational thought out.

He'd worked so hard to keep rumors from spreading about them -  taking extra caution not to be too personal when they weren't behind closed doors. Todoroki knew, but the heterochromatic hero figured it out on his own and asked Deku directly; Kirishima knew too because of Izuku's mistake and Kacchan's confession, but both Shoto and Eijirou were their equivalent best friends. They wouldn't say a word without either Midoriya or Bakugo's consent - their secret was safe with them. And Deku only ever kept their relationship hidden because he wanted the blonde hero to be comfortable - to not feel pressured - to make the choice - and it had worked!

By being patient and taking things at the aggressive hero's pace, Midoriya finally started to break down the walls the older boy put up around him. They made progress in the form of kisses, names and intimate actions. Kacchan even spoke to him through his eyes - like Shoto and Momo did often! Bakugo showed Izuku how much he cared for him, all without uttering a single word - Kacchan's smoldering gaze and selfless actions conveying all he felt for Midoriya! The most progress in the entire course of their relationship was made in this single night!

But they were going to be outed prematurely because not everyone had that level of loyalty to them like Todoroki and Kirishima - alll their hard work would crumble, revealing Kacchan to everyone's prying eyes.

His hysteria rose alongside his pulsing heart.

'I can't lose this progress with Kacchan! I can't! I can't! I can't!'

The curly-haired teen suddenly went silent, viridian gaze dropping to stare absently and wide-eyed into the dirt. Bakugo's brows furrowed deeper in distress, unnerved by the abrupt quietness from the mumbling teen.

"Deku?"

Still, the freckled teen remained mute, causing the taller boy's stomach to knot harder. It was only then that the explosive hero felt how badly the shorter boy shook; Bakugo's lips pulled into a sullen glower, scarlet eyes glued to his boyfriend.

Katsuki spoke again - that undertone of misery lacing his words completely as he watched his nerd, trying to find out what was wrong, "Can you hear me, Deku?"

'It's all my fault! I should've left when he told me to leave!' Midoriya mulled, too far into his own panic-induced thoughts that Bakugo's voice couldn't penetrate the haze. Izuku knew he should've left earlier - he'd even debated on obeying the blonde's words and going back to his friends...

'It's all my fault..'

… Until he'd glanced up and seen that hungry gleam in Kacchan's eyes. It was that same predatory look the blonde hero gave him in his bedroom right before their intense kiss, and in the elevator when he noticed him chewing his lips. He knew what that smoldering glimpse meant now - knew where it could potentially lead - and it had sent his hormones into overdrive. Coveting that gaze for so long, he couldn't leave Bakugo alone once he'd recognized it - so Midoriya willfully stayed, fully aware of the possible consequences, praying for Katsuki to lose control again! He so desperately longed for Kacchan's touch and kisses that he'd stubbornly refused to go away; Deku wanted to bask in the explosive teen's company and also stick around in hopes of sparking another intimate affair.

'I should've left...' Izuku thought in anguish, 'I should've left - I should've left!'

In the end, the green-haired teen got what he wanted - Kacchan lavished his body with his kisses and touch, showing complete devotion with his attentiveness. But the exchange for a moment of passion with Katsuki was a much higher price than the freckled hero wished to pay, but there was no turning back now.

'It's all my fault!'

The deed was done and now he had to face the consequences of his actions.

'I should've left!'

Once more, his drive forward in hopes of carnal pleasures lead to a bigger problem...

'I should've left! This is all my fault.'

… Bigger than he could handle...

'I should've left...'

They were about to be discovered!

'It's all my fault!'

Izuku's actions were forcing Bakugo into a situation where he'd have to choose to publicly accept Deku or reject him!

'I should've left...'

Bakugo placed his hands over Izuku's curled fist, gently prying his fingers from their vice-like grip on him. The green-haired teen's chest heaved quicker, breathing shallow and fast, causing the blonde hero to grit his teeth, brows drawing together with renewed concern. His pupils were fully dilated, emerald irises barely there. It didn't take a fucking genius to realize Deku was in the midst of a panic attack, and he cursed himself for not noticing sooner.

Every fiber in his being demanding he console his nerd, but the blonde hero didn't know how. What was he supposed to do to help cull the anxiety running throughout his boyfriend?! He wasn't good at comforting anyone - dealing with emotions weren't really his forte!

Fretful and apprehensive, Bakugo internally fumed, 'Fuck.'

Midoriya's chest constricted, lungs spasming, failing miserably to supply his body with oxygen.

'Forcing Kacchan into p-publicly-' Izuku's inner voice stuttered, mind refusing to accept his own statement.

Midoriya felt lightheaded, darkness spinning all around him.

'F-forcing Kacchan into publicly accepting me or- or-'

The words stuck in his head, heart squeezing painfully between sporadic lungs.

'R-rejecting me...'

White noise assaulted him, making the beating in his ears sound distorted and warped, akin to being underwater.

'I can't lose Kacchan!' Deku internally screamed. The younger teen felt like he was drowning, gasping for breath as his panic became all-consuming.

Bakugo's rejection would do more than just hurt...

'I can't lose Kacchan!'

… The smaller hero knew that completely.

'I can't lose Kacchan!"

The timid teen's labored breaths multiplied, heart pounding at a dangerous pace.

'I can't lose him!'

The viridian hero's pupils constricted, shrinking until they were barely visible, eyes becoming large lifeless pools of jade.

'I can't lose him!'

Kacchan's rejection would destroy Izuku!

'Kacchan!'

"Fuck," the bomber hero growled aloud, lips pressing into a thin line. Once more Katsuki found himself cursing his ineptitude - Deku needed him now and Bakugo didn't know the first thing to soothing the hyperventilating hero. His heart pounded, self-loathing filling his chest as he watched Izuku's panic visibly spread. Katsuki wasn't an idiot - he knew with certainty why his nerd was having an anxiety attack, and it made his heart lurch painfully.

'Izuku,' the taller teen mused, heart heavy as his scarlet eyes narrowed on his nerd.

Izuku needed him and Katsuki was a fucking hero - and not just any fucking hero; Bakugo was Deku's personal hero and he'd be damned if he let his nerd keep hurting!

Releasing a suddenly determined growl, he dropped the smaller teen's hands, reaching up to cup his round freckled face in his palms. Even if he didn't know what the fuck he was doing, he couldn't stand idly by, watching the anxious teen fall further into his panic; Katsuki was a man of action, and he had someone precious to protect!

"Deku, we're fine," he spoke, soft and pleading as he pressed his forehead against the viridian hero. The aggressive hero's cherry orbs peered into cloudy emerald eyes, but those large green eyes remained dull and unfocused, making his heart clench harder. Katsuki knew his pleas fell on mute ears, making his lips pull into a deeper frown, realizing just how deep into his own head his nerd was struggling against. Heart thundering, he closed his ruby eyes, continuing in a strained voice, "I'm right here, Deku..."

Katsuki didn't know what the fuck he was doing. But he'd seen Kirishima do this with Ashido once to calm her down, and he prayed it worked for Izuku too. His heart beat so fast inside him, slamming with bruising force against his ribs. Guilt and concern filled him as he whispered his boyfriend's name, "Izuku."

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