#whichever thing frank wants to explain i will listen to

[frnkiebby]

fuckin cutie pie~🎃

[brianwashere]

Child!Reader doesn't like Elektra, so they gets Dad!Matt to go out with Karen, Foggy or Frank. Whichever you choose!

This ask not only made me feral but also single-handedly ripped me out of writers block.

Thank you for your req!

**I do not own any characters or part of the franchise from Daredevil or The Punisher**

Pairing: Frank Castle x Murdock!Son!reader/Frank Castle x Matt Murdock

Genre: fluff/family

Summary: go to ask

Tw: nothing to see here. Just some good old family fluff

Heart Felt Comments

“Why are you going on a date with her.” You groaned to your dad.

Matt was loosening his tie.

“It’s not a date, Jr. Elektra and I are just going for some beers and then I’ll come home. There is no romance between us.” He explained.

“Maybe not romance but definitely sex—“ your father cut you off.

“Definitely nothing like that! I’m not interested in her.” he sighed in exasperation.

“I don’t like that old hag. She’s mean and spells trouble for everyone around her!”

“Be kind. You never know if she’s listening in.” He chuckles.

He was joking. He—he had to be, right?

Whatever. Elektra didn’t scare you. She was just some lady with two tiny pitchforks. You could fight her any day.

“Alright, I’ll be leaving now. Frank will be here in about 15 minutes. Don’t burn the apartment down in that time. Got it, Hell-raiser?”

An idea planted itself in you. Frank and dad should go on a date. They are much better for each other. You could set them up. Yes, yes. This will be perfect. Your devious little mind pondered.

“I said, ‘got it, Hell-raiser?’” He snapped you out of your thoughts.

“Got it, dad. Frank. Here. 15 minutes. Don’t destroy anything.” You recapped.

“Yup. Ok I’m off. Behave for Frank.” He shut the door behind him.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

The 15 minutes couldn’t have gone by slower. Especially considering you were checking the microwave clock every 30 seconds.

Finally, you heard the knock of the one and only Punisher. You ran over and threw open the door.

“Are you in love with my dad!?” You didn’t mean to yell but you did anyway.

Frank’s expression switched from surprise to shock to confusion all in a matter of seconds.

“The hell are you talkin’ about, Kid?” He asked.

“You always do favors for him even though you don’t owe him anything and you always stare at his ass—“

“Enough, Kid! Quiet! Jesus Christ…” Frank shook his head.

“So do you?” You stepped out of the doorway to let him in.

“Where’s all this comin’ from suddenly?” He walked into the small apartment.

“Dad’s going on a date with this lady who looks like she’s from The Real House Wives of New Jersey.” You told him.

“Yeah, bet she does.” Frank agreed sarcastically.

“So that’s why you have to go on a date with him instead.”

“I think you’re logical reasonin’ is a lil’ stunted, Kid.” The Punisher retorted.

“So you’re telling me you don’t wanna go on a date with dad? Not even a little bit?” You pushed.

Frank was silent. He was silent for a while.

“Ain’t got nothin’ he wants.” Frank was trying to cover the sadness in his voice, you could tell.

“He likes your muscles and you’re hot accent. I overheard him telling Foggy once.” You stated matter-of-factly.

“He thinks it’s hot?”

“So that’s why you should go on a date with him! He’s like—the world’s most eligible bachelor! And you’re like…I dunno. But you both like each other.”

Frank sighed. He was a weak man.

“Fine I’ll do it.”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Matt was difficult to surprise. His enhanced senses made sure if it. When he walked within five feet of his complex and heard two calm heartbeats coming from his apartment, he expected one of three things to be there when he arrived.

1. His son was asleep in bed and Frank had accidentally passed out on the couch (despite Matt telling him he was allowed to)

2. Frank and his son were watching a boring movie

3. His son was listening to Frank tell some sort of story.

What he didn’t expect was to find his two very awake boys talking about their favorite Disney movies. He focused on their voices, smiling fondly.

He opened the door and heard the scratching of markers; you were drawing at the counter.

“Watchya working on there?” Matt asked.

“Nothing! Go to bed!” You yelped.

“Well I gotta release the old man of his service.” Matt chuckled.

Frank stood up and stretched.

“I’m not even that much older than you.” Frank grumbled.

Matt grinned.

“Are you staying the night? Can he dad? Pleeeeeease?” You begged and pulled on his arm.

“Jr, we don’t have another bed. And I doubt he wants to sleep on the couch. If he wants to though, I’m not against it.” Your father explained.

You gasped and ran over to Frank.

“Please Frank! We can watch Up!” You stared up at him, practically vibrating with anticipation.

Frank sighed.

“Sure, Kid. I’ll stay.”

The night went by quickly. You fell asleep halfway through the movie, so Frank put you to bed and talked to Matt some. Basic things, his vigilante work, his cases, things of normal nature.

Soon Matt turned in for the night and Frank was left alone on the couch. He thought about them—together. Was he really gunna ask Matt on a date? He couldn’t. Is it too soon since Maria?

He fell asleep thinking about you and Matt. The three of you. All together.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Frank’s nightmares had persisted enough that he couldn’t go back to sleep. He needed to get his mind off of them.

His eyes looked to the microwave clock. 6:35 am. He could make breakfast for them, as a thanks.

Frank got to work. Simple eggs and toast should work. He wasn’t expecting Matt to have much in his fridge anyway.

He turned on the burner and set the pan on the flame. Frank sprayed a light amount of cooking oil on top of the heating surface. He took the eggs out of the fridge and set them on the counter near the stove top. Then he found the bread in a bottom cabinet and set it next to the eggs.

He grabbed a spatula and tested the heat of the pan by hovering his hand above it. He took the first egg and cracked it into the pan. It sizzled as he began moving it around on the hot surface.

“Awww eggs and toast? Careful there Frank, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Matt chuckled as he walked over the the kitchen.

He didn’t have his glasses on. Frank had seen him without them before but now it was different. It was domestic.

He snorted.

“Never said I was a good cook. Everyone knows how to make eggs.”

“I beg to differ. Jr can’t make eggs to save his life.” Matt replied. “Speak of the devil—“ He was cut off by you running into the kitchen with too much excitement for a morning.

You grabbed your dad’s arm and tugged on it till he lowered his ear to you.

“You should tell him you love him now.” You whispered.

Matt turned the color of his vigilante suit. Frank quirked an eyebrow.

“What’d he say?” Frank asked.

Matt had stood up again and rolled his eyes.

“It’s nothing—just a reminder of sorts…” He replied.

You raised your eyebrows at your dad and kicked his foot. You decided to try your luck with Frank instead. You repeated your previous actions. It was Frank’s turn to blush. He just coughed and turned his attention back to the eggs.

“Ughhhhhh seriously? Come oooooonnn.” You groaned and pushed your dad towards Frank.

“Just tell each other you love each other and go on a date already!” You practically shouted.

Frank and Matt stared at each other, shocked and stuttering. Finally, Frank got an actual sentence out.

“Do—do you wanna go on a date with me?” He asked.

Matt breathed out.

“Yes. Yes, please. Yes, of course I do, Frank.” Matt smiled slightly.

You squealed in delight.

“YAY! NOW I HAVE TWO DADS!”

[lime-gutz]

Mmm so maybe could you do headcanons about the mercs helping out an autistic reader with sebsory overloads? If not that’s totally cool too

AS SOMEONE WHO CAN RELATE TO SENSORY OVERLOADS OFC I'M OKAY WITH WRITING THIS!!!

There wasn't a specification for romantic implications with the mercs so you get some general hcs!!

Engineer:

Engineer is a kind and all around easy to get along with friendly man. He's pretty sociable but often times desires to do some work and experiments of his own so sometimes he'll just speed walk straight on pass you, blueprints in hand, reading them quickly without so much as a glance or smile in your direction, not because he's wanting to be rude but because he's someone who has places to be and he'll talk later when he's done.

Engineer also has to deal with some pretty rambunctious teammates, Soldier, Scout, and Pyro come to mind and as shown before, he's also a super patient man, opting to not be super confrontational in a situation that seems to be tense or aggressive, example being how he had saved Scout from getting his face beaten in by Soldier by being calm and still carrying his friendliness to ease the situation at hand. Or Pyro!! As he's the only one at the base who even understands anything of what Pyro says because he was patient enough to learn.

So with all of that being said, I see him as someone who is very very well equipped to helping you out when you're getting intensely overwhelmed and your senses are overloading. If you're around people and are on the cusp of just crying or about to go into a panic of some sort, Engineer would be the one who would gently place a hand onto your shoulder, masking what's going on with his friendly demeanor and an excuse to have you removed from the situation to calm yourself. He does it in a way as to not draw attention to you or make you feel ashamed or embarrassed. He understands, it happens, he's had to help Pyro with the same situation you were in!

He's sure to be much more soft spoken than usual, asking if you want some water, to be left alone, or if you need some comfort and he will do whatever it is you ask of him to do if it means you can calm yourself.

Pyro:

Pyro is probably not going to catch on as quickly, their mind is constantly thinking about. Everything at once and often tuning in and out of conversations everyone has in general so it's very likely that they will be slow to notice if you're getting wildly overwhelmed.

However! If they were to eventually realize if no one else has before them, how utterly uncomfortable and teary eyed you are Pyro will "scold" his teammates, wagging a finger in there faces and tapping their foot..I put that in quotations because it's not like anyone (other than Engie) can understand them anyways). It's sort of childish, but it could maybe bring you some comfort in a small sense as they lead you away with a huff directed towards their rude teammates.

Scout:

Same deal as Pyro, he's also slow to realize something is amiss with you, his mind also wandering to the many other things he thinks or dreams about.

And like Engineer if he did snap out of his thoughts long enough to notice that you're beginning to look shaky and panicked he attempts to try and steer you away from everyone...although with a lot less grace than Engie, attempting to make whatever is going on isn't a big deal but he keeps running his mouth long enough that eyebrows are raised. But he succeeds anyways and is able to get you somewhere so you could calm yourself down away from it all.

His voice is a little softer when he tries to comfort you in some way. Maybe trying to crack jokes to make the air light instead of filled with dread. His angle is just to try and cheer you up more so!

Soldier:

Oh man. Okay Soldier uh. Let's be frank, he's most definitely not going to ever notice unless someone tells him directly. Soldier has a pretty strong character, a strong and very loud voice, very boisterous. He most likely will not notice that him being so loud combined with maybe some other factors might be too much for you to handle.

So, best course of action is to be very direct with him but explain it in a way he could understand you. If your point gets across, he can better recognize if you're getting uncomfortable!

His form of trying to comfort you is patting your shoulders or back (a little bit too hard but you appreciate his attempt none the less) while he tries to say some encouraging words to you.

Spy:

Spy is actually one of the first mercs to notice even just the slightest sign you're starting to grow uncomfortable. He's meant to be very observant man and he's someone who is very capable of reading body language and is very good at it.

So he's one to be quick to helping you out of a situation before you get to the point of getting extremely overwhelmed. He's quiet, quick, and smooth about it, most likely awaiting an opportunity where no one would notice that he gently grasped your shoulder, nodding his head in a direction that signifies you should follow him, and then the both of you slip away from a potentionally mentally draining situation.

He doesn't offer too much physical comfort, best he'll do is pat your shoulder a few times. But he does offer a listening ear or offers to leave you be, whichever makes you feel more comfortable.

Medic:

Right next to Spy, is also one to quickly notice that you're slowly growing distressed. He is-! Er. Was, a doctor and is still practicing medicine to this very day! He does surgeries on a weekly basis, he just knows a distressed or uncomfortable face when he sees one!

Takes the kind of mix between an Engineer and Spy route of things to help you. He's quickly able to steer the attention or conversation towards himself, in such a way that he gave you an out to hurry to flee and get away to save yourself from literally breaking down from how overwhelmed you are in front of your entire team. You see him give you a very quick wink if you're able to catch his gaze before you leave.

He does check on you later once everything is settled, glass of cold water in hand to hopefully improve your mood some more and offering it to you and if he's free, offers to be your listening ear.

Demoman:

This mostly depends on how drunk he is for him to be considered helpful I suppose you could say.

But! When he isn't just shitfaced drunk, he's quite unsurprisingly helpful as he's also someone who's generally very jovial and friendly. He's also noted to be generally as helpful as he possibly can. So when he sees you getting all shaky, uncomfortable, and panicky due to your sensory overload he's quick to act in a way where nothing is wrong, very nonchalant and keeps the mood light as he slowly pulls you away more and more from the situation until the both of you are good distance away where you could just slip by without a question.

He offers some encouraging words to you, patting your shoulder and ruffling your hair comfortingly and offers you a beer. He just feels like it's it's for you to calm yourself and cheer up.

Sniper:

Sniper can definitely relate to what you're experiencing. He's one of the mercs that's easily able to just immediately tell if you're experiencing sensory overload, your pained expression gives a pang to his heart as he feels immense empathy for you.

He's been in your place time and time again and..so it's time for him to do the thing no one besides his parents had ever done for him when he was on the brink of breaking down. He wordlessly grasps onto your arm, gently in his hold as to not seem harsh to startle you, and then when questions are asked they are plainly ignored as he takes you away from the situation.

He coaches you to take breaths, patting your back and being otherwise silent as he patienly waits for you to gather yourself before the both of you start talking quietly to one another if need be.

Heavy:

Heavy also understands what you're a feeling, although, he has worked passed this long ago that doesn't mean he can't help but feel some empathy undertones for you as you look so distressed.

Heavy is very very quiet when going to remove you from the situation you're in, his big heavy hand grasping your shoulders as gently as he can possibly muster as he knows how utterly easy it is just to hurt you accidentally, and he does not want that. He whispers for you to please come with him, not wanting any unwanted attention to be thrown towards you as he knows you definitely don't want that. Once you comply he's leads you away.

Heavy very gently pats your shoulder and back, talking to you quietly as to bring you some comfort as you cry and try to regain your composure. If you are crying, he doesn't try and make you stifle it in anyway, encouraging you to instead let it all out.

Once you're all cried out or feeling a little better, Heavy offers to get you some water or tea, and then offers if you would like to stay and either read with him, or have him read to you out loud to further bring more comfort if you're someone who appreciates just being read to as comfort.

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 98: The Advance Guard

Remus almost caught a faint hint of his own self crashing into his face, and slammed against a glass window. He rubbed furiously at his forehead and muttered more oaths of this repeat, but for once was rather glad they were confined to wherever this was, or he probably would have gone right through that. He squinted at his reflection for a few moments, thanking the setting sun on his face before he forced his eyes to adjust past that and see beyond.

There was a small garden with a tiny little pond just on the edge of the property, other than that it was wide open space. Turning slowly back to the inside of the house he found a comfortable looking couch with the others all groaning and sitting up in various states of unrest. Only James and Alice were close enough to scrutinize though, and he was positive enough James didn't know this place anymore than him that he watched Alice carefully. She however looked just as bemused as him at this new location, so he passed the two and caught sight of the kitchen, where Longbottom was getting uneasily to his feet.

Sirius had landed on top of the refrigerator and was just lying there, looking miserable and very uncomfortable. Frank Longbottom was rubbing his backside and looking just as confused as his girlfriend though.

Remus turned just in time to see Peter, Regulus, and Evans coming out of a hallway and could easily see the question on all of their lips as well. It seemed none of them were quite sure where they were.

Considering past times this had not gone well for them, he didn't blame Prongs at all for his curiosity being abated for once and summoning the book to him, he did however frown in confusion at the new chapter title.

"Advanced Guard? Who's coming after Harry now?"

"Keep up Moony," Sirius slurred, his face already turning red from his prolonged, half upside-down position. "Between You-Know-Who, and now random arse dementors after Harry, it's obvious Harry hired advanced bodyguards."

"Yes, I'm so sure that's the ticket," Remus frowned up at him. "Are you okay up there?"

"What's this thing anyways, feels cold, but kind of good," Sirius opened his eyes and twisted his face so it was more against the freezer part.

"Muggle contraption, keeps food cold," he only barely managed to answer before Sirius did fall down from his perch, but he quickly scrambled back to his feet and now leaned his face more intensely against the door.

Remus walked closer to see what had him so riled up. There were a few bits of loose paper tacked to it, like reminders a bathroom sink was clogged, as well as a grocery list, but the idea this was a muggle household was ruined when he spotted the picture Sirius was looking at. It was moving.

A man and a woman he didn't recognize were smiling down at a little girl who was running in delight, and falling quite frequently, but always getting up and continuing. The interesting part was, her hair changed colors every time she got up. From red, to green, to blonde without any discernible reason why, and at one point several colors were in her long mane at once, as if a rainbow were chasing her about. She stopped and did a little spin so she was facing away from her parents, facing them more clearly, and in the blink of an eye her whole face morphed several different features before settling into a heart-shape and taking off once more.

"Well that's, new," he agreed, blinking in confusion at the odd sight. Were the parents doing experimentation on that girl or something?

"Yeah, it is," Sirius said in a weird voice, and Remus checked him to see he wasn't watching the child at all, but the mother, it was unmistakable the way his eyes were scrutinizing her, not tracking the little ones progress.

He hadn't looked closely at either parent really, the kid certainly drew the attention, but now that he was, he frowned in puzzlement to see she did seem vaguely familiar- "there's no way," Sirius breathed, his nose was pressed right to the picture now, causing the girl to fall once more. "Andromeda?"

It took a few moments for Remus to let his mind scatter around and figure out why he recognized that name, before it clicked as one Sirius actually mentioned being related to this cousin from time to time. She was the middle child of the three sisters, but that was all he could think of off the top of his head. He certainly wouldn't have realized it was the same woman now, she was much older for one thing, but Sirius would know best.

"Sirius, you alright?" Remus couldn't understand the strange look on his face as he scrutinized the picture.

"I, um, that's my cousin," he vaguely clarified.

"Yes, I gathered that, though I take no comfort we're in the house of some potential Death Eaters." Remus frowned and waited for him to get to the point. The look on his face was not worry, but something else Remus couldn't put his finger on.

He didn't answer for so long that the book had gone past Harry's next lapse of depressing times at that Muggle place, and reached all the way up to intruders. Sirius finally looked around properly back towards him, but kept the picture in his hand as he finally walked out of the kitchen to keep his eye on this newest danger around Harry.

When Moody and Professor Lupin were announced in quick succession, they all marginally relaxed this was no foreseeable danger, but it did no more to explain their surroundings until the rest of the guard was introduced, and Sirius nearly jumped in surprise at the name Nymphadora Tonks. Remus peeked over his shoulder again just in time for the girl in the picture to have her hair flash from purple, to orange, to pink hardly before he could name said colors. His suspicions were all but confirmed when she explained she was a metamorphmagus, something he'd never heard of, but that must be the explanation for winding up here. Was this her home? Was this where Harry was going to be taken? Maybe even a new girlfriend of his, she didn't sound that much older than Harry with the way she spoke to everyone, and she was singled out going back upstairs with Harry to get his stuff.

Sirius caught his wrist and started dragging him back towards the kitchen, though stopped and kept his head cocked to the side towards James still so he didn't miss a word as he spoke to Remus, "I think Andromeda did something unbelievable?"

"More than what you've done Padfoot? I won't believe it," Remus couldn't help but smirk, but he blinked and quickly caught up with his assumption as he scrutinized the picture again, and their surroundings. "Wow," he breathed before Sirius bounced on his heels and half shouted;

"I think she's married to a muggle! Or Muggle Born. Whichever! I, can you, no one I know would even dare-"

There was a light shining in his bright gray eyes Remus only ever saw when he looked at one person, James. Certainly the admirational look had only ever been attributed to Prongs's next bone-headed prank they'd all gone along with, but never to a member of his own family.

"That's," he swallowed, truly beyond words for what this was implying. "Really great Sirius, looks like you're not the greatest nutjob of your family."

"I'm not the only one," Sirius seemed to savor the words as he went back to eyeing every detail of the photo, and then doing a wild dance around the place as if to take in every detail of this life. Remus let him be, watching fondly as he tripped over his own feet, as uncoordinated as this Tonks in his excitement to finally find someone like him in his own family. Sirius's debilitating fear his blood was cursed had likely only been reinforced by his recent train of bad luck in this future, but maybe, if he really saw there were others who could stand up to his parents, well that could certainly only be a good thing.

He leaned comfortably against the couch now and listened with the first true enjoyment in a long time as Harry escaped those awful muggles and was flying once more, with trusted people. Peter and Regulus were smiling and whispering about something once more, he caught a few snatches of conversation and they seemed to think they were headed to this location for whatever this secret headquarters could be.

Evans, Alice, and Longbottom weren't talking much at all, but seemed just as enraptured at this story's new development, clearly something had been going on behind the scenes while Harry had been kept out of the loop.

James was so antsy by the time Harry landed, he was bouncing on the spot in fascination. The place certainly couldn't be here though, it sounded like a dumpsite more than anything. He supposed though, if they were going to set up some secret place to meet up, a rundown old neighborhood was the place to go.

Sirius had vanished from sight down the hallway, and Remus began to follow him just to keep an eye on that smile. He'd been inspecting things with care, for once, but he didn't want him to get carried away. He froze in surprise though, and whirled back around so fast he nearly fell on his bum himself when he heard the very specific and particular address Harry seemed to be at. 12 Grimmauld Place. Sirius's home.

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH27

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 4,798

- Author Note: Did u watch MAMA last night? Last week was so crazy i spent my 6 hours just like that for an award show. it is killing my back istg :< anyways, this chapter little emo, because look at our taetae expressing his worries on the group dyamic and friendship :(

Previous | Next

Chapter 27

That night the boys went straight back to their hotel rooms after attending the after party. They stayed for thirty minutes as a courtesy. It was awkward to stay longer since they were pretty much a newcomer in this award. Though Ansel Elgort and The Chainsmoker presence at the party helped to ease the awkwardness. Yet, it was evident they were not comfortable to be around the big names.  The number of the connections that they made were not enough to make them stay for the rest of the night. They agreed to attend the after party because of the food after all and of course to show their respect.

Nothing could beat their eagerness to do the usual Vlive. Billboard Awards was possible due to the unending supports from Armys. Something that they would cherish for the rest of their life. As soon as they ended their short Vlive, they celebrated their victory together with Bang PD and the rest of the staffs.

Even though everyone insisted Seul’s presence there, but she knew her place. She did nothing to contribute to their winning, so she rejected their offer politely and chose to stay in her room instead. She was not tempted to be in the same room as them tonight, as Seul respected their privacy.

It was way past midnight, yet she didn’t see any sign of Semmy returning to the room. Tired of waiting, she called it a day and getting ready to hit the sack.  She tied her hair into ponytail after pampering her skin.

The sound of bell brought her attention to the door and she strutted to open it “Unnie-“her smile was replaced with a baffle look “What are you doing here?” she sent the latter a questionable look.

Yoongi hummed softly, holding the plastic bag up “I brought drinks, care to have some with me?” Seul was weirded out by his randomness.

“Don’t you have enough drinks today? I thought you guys were celebrating in your room” she held onto the door, showing no sign of letting the rapper inside. Not to be rude, Seul was being careful with her surrounding and the fact that she shared her room with Semmy feared her. What if someone caught them together? It would spark an unnecessary gossip among the staffs.

He ran his tongue over his lips, slipping one of his hand against the door “We have called it a night. I didn’t drink. I am saving it for you” his sinful lips twisted into a smirk. What a sore to her eyes.

“I..don’t drink alcohol though, I have zero tolerance on it. So, care to find someone else to drink those with you? I am sorry” she was about to shut the door, but he held it back chuckling softly.

“Who told you that I brought alcohol? I bring cokes and chips. You have been avoiding me these past few days, lets have a decent talk. Shall we?” Yoongi’s eyes sparked in the sexiest way. Seul could not say no to that though her mind was having a fit for letting the guy inside. The second she realized, Min Yoongi had made himself comfortable on the queen bed, with his legs crossed.

Seul emitted a soft sigh, closing the door behind her “Min Yoongi, why are you here? If there is one person that I shouldn’t trust in this world, then it would be you” she stood in front of him looking all defensive. To be frank, Min Yoongi did nothing that could harm her. It was her personal issues with her own feeling, to be exact her raging hormones. She couldn’t trust herself around him at all.

Her mind seemed to have the mind of its own. It reacted against her consciences even though she was aware of its consequences on her, she would still do it nonetheless. Ironically, only Min Yoongi had that effect on her.

He looked calm and oddly serious today. Did the winning affect his wrecked brain? Yoongi patted the empty seat beside him, motioning Seul to fill it. The girl’s response made him to roll his eyes in his seat, with that he pulled the overreacting girl beside him.

Seul let out a small gasp, shifting uncomfortably “What are you planning to say? Don’t….do something funny…” she said nervously while making a small space between them.  

He frowned “I will only do something funny after I make sure I talk this out with you first” teasing the flustered girl, he held back his chuckle upon witnessing her distressed face. Seul might appear all sassy on the outside but her demeanour could be unpredictable from time to time. Where’s the consistency, Ji Seul.

“Okay speak” Seul pressed her lips together while fiddling with the hem of her shirt. She’s honestly afraid of what might come from Yoongi. Serious Yoongi was not her thing, so she had no idea what to expect from the older guy.

Yoongi passed the cold can to her which she gladly took it. Their fingers brush against each other jolting Seul in her seat. She coughed away the awkwardness, quickly open the drinks and took a long sip from it.

Amused, he studied Seul closely “Why are you so jumpy Seul?” he bit his lower lips with a hidden smile. It made him feel superior to know he’s the reason why she had been acting this way. There was a hope in this relationship after all.

He took a small sip from his drink and expelled a long endearing sigh. It caught Seul’s attention right away and she gathered her courage to say something “Are… you alright? Something is bothering you?” her soft voice was oh-so-soothing in his ears.

“Yes. It is you who has been bothering me” Yoongi played with the sheets beneath him.

“Yoongs..I have no idea what you are about to say but I think I kinda know where this conversation will lead us” she set the drink down on the other side and collected her knees to her chest. Seul was about to prepare her heart just in case this conversation might be the cause of her misery or happiness, whichever it was, Seul had to face it.

Yoongi smiled meekly, “Will you listen to me until I am done?” his voice was soft and husky travel through the ice-cold air. He seemed to be steeling so Seul nodded in assurance. She didn’t want him to think she’s being selfless, so she responded quickly “I want to hear all of it. Tell me” she whispered under her calm breathing.

“I apologize for acting rashly around you. I feel deeply bad. I didn’t mean to disrespect you as a woman. In fact, I do see you as a woman. I want to keep you safe and not to be the cause of your misery. It is crazy how it is hard for me to finally be truthful to myself. I am not good with words. I have no idea how to act around you, to treat you like the way you deserve. I always thought giving into my feelings will weaken me. I end up treating you like some kind of pushover” Seul listened to every word attentively. Sometimes she would be in daze trying to digest Yoongi’s real intention and sincerity.

He took a long pause before continue “ There are a lot of people walking around feeling not the slightest bit of guilty for how they treat others. I thought if I acted the same way it would free me from the problem occur surround me. Some people convinced themselves that they are not responsible for someone else’s feelings. All these years, I learned how to endure it and pretend everything is okay when it is not. I thought when it came to myself, I only had to be selfish. I never consider your feelings and let my emotion cloud my judgement” Seul squeezed her eyes feeling her head pounded over Yoongi’s complicated way of explaining things. It was not her first time to hear such flowery and complicated stuffs coming from him.

“Yoongi, I am sorry.. What is your point? I am a little lost here” her nose scrunched up in confusion.

“Ugh, fuck. Sorry, I really am bad in this. What I am trying to say is..this thing between us is not a joke. I mean when I treated you badly, I meant to make you understand something. FUCK! WHY IS THIS SO HARD” he facepalmed, rubbing his hair roughly with a small grunt.

She reached out to his arm, giving it a soft pat “Calm down, you really need to get to the point. Or I am kicking you out from my room.” she joked only to annoy the wretched man even more. Yoongi shot her a disbelief look while she kept her face straight playing innocent.

“You are impossible” he flashed his dissatisfied smile earning a soft giggle from the playful Seul. She had never acted this comfortable around him, so that was first. Yoongi then returned to compose himself forcing words out from his cold lips.

He almost lost his grip on the can as he noticed the girl’s attention was on him. She was looking at his away adoring his every action as if she’s the girlfriend. Her cheek was rested at the top of her knees, while her lips pursed cutely into a pout. Yoongi cussed in his head loathing this image in front of him. Why must this girl make things harder for him?

“Are you going to make me wait Min?” said Seul in annoyance.

“Alright, listen here. I have a romantic feeling for you! Don’t ask me when it starts, because I can’t really recall. Remember the kisses that I stole from you! It was my way to confirm my feelings for you until you confront me that day. I wasn’t prepared, so I had no answers with me. I REALLY TRIED TO RESTRAIN MYSELF FROM HAVING SOME ROMANTIC THOUGHTS WHEN IT COMES TO YOU! Ugh, hell I tried hard, but it failed me. You are the cause to my sleepless night” Yoongi let out all the frustration bottled up inside him at once leaving the poor girl speechless.

Seul’s brows furrowed, her eyes still soft as she scrutinized Yoongi’s expression seeking for truthfulness and she found it. His eyes flickered in an unexplainable glint and sincerity. “That sounds really awful” she cringed with her chin still resting on her knees.

His eyes instantly enlarged upon hearing Seul’s response “WHICH ONE SOUNDS AWFUL?” he looked disturbed considering he had poured all his heart to this so-called confession only to be look down by the girl that he loved was rather appalling. Bad sign.

“That part where you blame me for your sleepless night. I didn’t ask you think of me before you sleep Min Yoongi!” she let out a soft huff, looking straight into his eyes. “You are cute” she complimented before the guy could reply her earlier protest.

Yoongi shifted shyly in his seat, coughing the heavy lump on his throat “So…am I answering your questions? The kisses were genuine. I did it because I wanted to. I..have feelings for you” he hesitated to indicate he likes her openly so he decided to hint something in hope the girl got the message.

“A romantic one!” he added with a soft blush crept on his pale skin.

He heard the girl expelled a deep sigh “Is it hard for you to say that you like me Yoongi. You really sass till the end. I am impressed” she shook her head in amusement.

“I don’t say romantic thing”

“But you did give me a long ass explanation that had nothing to do with your actual agenda of meeting me tonight. You.. are annoying” she cringed once again.

Yoongi turned to face Seul, taking her cheeks in his large hands causing the girl to squeal softly at the contact “I. LIKE. YOU” he confessed.

Seul stared at him without blinking, seemingly without breathing for another long moment. Shock rushed through her. The whole system in her body had momentarily paused working. She had gone past the pale stage and she looked grey.

“Seul…” he squeezed her cheeks giving a little life to that pale cheeks.

“I said.. I like you” his deep voice and his soft touch brought her back to the world. She looked daggers at him whilst he had the gleam in his eyes. “Yoongi..you only drink cokes. Are you drunk?” the confident Seul was long gone. If earlier she teased him for his incoherent words, now when Yoongi had make everything clear to her face, she was losing it.

Was it this thing that she hoped from him all this time?

She had no idea what to feel or how to reach at the moment. The images of Jungkook and Jimin face came flashed in her mind’s eye. Her face contorted in pure confusion.

Chuckling lowly, he stroked her bangs aside “Where is the confident Seul? I thought you wanted to hear me say it clearly” her shoulder slumped, and her eyes fill with tears. Screw her unstable emotion.

“Why are you making it hard for me? Jungkook, Jimin and now you are saying the same thing. It is not like I am living the happiest life on planet. Why…Yoongi. Not you too” she leaned his head against his shoulder, battling with her own tears.

It was too overwhelming for her weak heart. She didn’t want to appear in front of others. Not when Yoongi was the one who in front of her. Why her life got to be complicated? She got the signal from Yoongi all this time, yet she tried to shrug it off and played it cool until Yoongi decided to make a move tonight.

This was a real mess. She’s in the middle of figuring her own feelings for Jimin and Jungkook. Hence, to add Yoongi into the picture was a little overbearing.

“Seul-ya..I am sorry if..this is too much for you. Fuck, this was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said it at first place. I will just go.. Just forget about this” he mumbled in guilt, lifting the girl head up getting ready to leave the room.

Seul’s heart clenched in pain, grabbing his arm holding him back “Yoongi..Thank you” she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. “But-“ she silenced the man with a soft peck on his lips.

“That is for liking me”

 -------------------------

Everything changed ever since Yoongi decided to embrace his feelings for Seul. He told no one about his feelings knowing the youngest members in the group had explicitly told them about their healthy fight in winning Seul’s heart. Yoongi on the other hand will do it his own way.

No one should know how he felt for Seul. He didn’t want things to get even complicated than they already were. Therefore, he chose to seal his mouth. Yoongi treated Seul like he usually did, bickering with her when he had the chance or spouting some nonsense just to irk the girl.

The things with Hoseok after his panic attack incident, the sunshine ball played it cool. He tried not to think about it too much afraid that he ended up like Jimin and Jungkook. Fighting for the same girl with his best friend was definitely not in his dictionary. Taehyung who had been oblivious over Yoongi’s action around Seul knew something was off between the two. Sometimes he would catch them exchanged a playful glance like they were secretly dating.

Taehyung believed the older guy had a feeling for Seul and for some reason it upset him. Seul caused no harms to the boys’ career however it ticked him off when the members started to see her more than just a friend, one by one. Not to poke his nose into someone else business, yet he felt threatened by her presence. It seemed like sooner or later Seul would hurt the band as whole.

That careless mistake that she committed by allowing the members to like her in such way was not a good idea. He loathed it to the core. With Jungkook and Jimin chasing after her, god knows what else could happen if the boys had enough and decided to fight each other.

This issue circulated around them made him feel sick in the stomach. He used to have a little crush on Seul now only anger took over the flowery feelings. Taehyung wondered if he hated the fact that Seul’s presence might risk their friendship or was it due to his failure to be in Seul’s side?

“Tae…Did you hear me?” Seul called out once again hoping to get his attention.

He turned to Seul with a stern look “What do you want now?” he snapped.

Seul blinked feeling offended by his action but quick to shrug it off “I am asking for your dirty laundry because I wanted to clean along with others” she said timidly. Ever since they came back from Las Vegas three weeks ago, Taehyung had been given her a cold shoulder. He didn’t even dare to look her into the eyes and every time she tried to spark a conversation with him, he would either snap at her right way or just give a silent treatment.

It would be a lie if the change of his demeanour didn’t hurt her even a bit. She always finds Taehyung is the most comfortable one to talk with after Jin.

“I told you I will do it by myself. Leave me alone” he returned his attention back to his phone feeling slightly guilty to treat the innocent girl this way.

Seul didn’t budge and mustered her courage to inquire him “Tae did I do something to annoy you?” Taehyung was infuriated by the questions.

He scoffed in disbelief “Playing innocent, aren’t we? Why do you think I am acting this way?” he asked back with a sharp glare. She felt small under his scrutiny “You tell me” she murmured silently.

“Can’t you just fuck off?” Kim Taehyung who never ever used harsh words around others especially her was asking her to fuck off and it pained her. “Seeing your face makes me sick, just fuck off Seul. I am not in the mood to entertain you” once again he snarled making Seul’s eyes watered in process.

Taehyung glanced at the flustered girl and the guilt eating him up.

He didn’t know why was he acting bratty and rude towards her lately but it was just him feeling a little off about the idea of Jimin and Jungkook liking Seul. Some more, his friends willing to sacrifice their feelings for the sake of Seul. They had never let anything go in between their friendship. Seul’s existence in their life seemed to bring more negativity.

First, Jungkook and Jimin friendship was at stake. What would happen if Seul make a choice in the future? Yes, they could live their present now acting like nothing happened. The happiness didn’t last long. The more they let themselves fall for Seul, the more painful for them. One of them had to suffer in the end.  He pondered upon this and as much as he hated to see the bad things in Seul, yet it couldn’t stop him. Taehyung barely knew Seul, looking after her feelings was not in his priority list. He cared for Jungkook and Jimin wellbeing after all this over.

Secondly, Yoongi, the older man that never let anything came in between his work and BTS slowly wavered because of Seul. He looked a bit distorted when he first came to know Seul. Yoongi was ten times grumpier than usual and everything surround him seemed to tick him off most of the time. The older guy would never show his true self let alone express himself aloud, but with Seul’s presence he’s willing to risk BTS and his loyalty towards the member to be with this girl. Despicable, indeed.

Blinking her tears away, she expelled a soft sigh with a quick apologize before leaving the room. She shrugged off the bad thought in her assuming Taehyung was stressing out due to their hectic schedule. That must be it, Seul assured herself.

 ----------------

Jin offered to cook for dinner and insisted Seul to stay since it was her off day. She was still bitter over Taehyung’s behaviour earlier, but she stayed for Jin anyways. The older guy would not let her return with empty stomach.

Everyone had gathered at the round table for dinner including the grumpy Taehyung after much effort in persuading him to eat, he finally showed up. He took a seat across Seul with a gloomy face, sending a quick glance at her way. The look that only Seul could understand. The tense in the room was driving her nuts.

Seul felt extremely uncomfortable and anxious throughout the dinner though she was trying to blend with their jokes but every time she felt Taehyung’s hard gaze on her, her body tensed. Jungkook who sat at the end of the table noticed her discomfort and he kept his eyes on her for the rest of the dinner.

“ Seul are you available this Tuesday?” Namjoon smiled.

Seul shook her head “I am not sure about that why?” Taehyung was eyeing their leader deeply. He knew what he’s planning to do. This upcoming Tuesday would be BTS 4th Year Anniversary and they would hold a home party with Armys.

“Since you haven’t gotten the chance to attend our concert, attend BTS Home Party this Tuesday then. We will be holding our anniversary party with Armys. It will be fun!” he said gleefully while others nodding in agreement exclude Taehyung.

She was burdened by the request, so she didn’t know how to respond to that “I will see if I can go. I have a lot to cover at work”

“She is not a fan, why are we celebrating it with her?” Taehyung statement caused everyone to snap their head towards him in bafflement. Her breath hitched at Taehyung’s remark as she forced a smile on her face “I don’t think I deserve to be in that party. I am nowhere near to be called as your fans. I barely supported you guys through all those years. Tae is right though” she rubbed her sweaty palms against her jeans.

Taehyung smug sarcastically “Right. She is nowhere close to be called as our fans. We celebrate our anniversary with people who are worth to be called fans and those who have become our backbones throughout those rough years. Seul isn’t one of them. She is here when we already make name for ourselves” he exclaimed without caring the daggers being thrown at him from every corner.

“Taehyung, I think you are a little rude to-“

“I don’t think any such thing, because I don’t let my feelings cloud my judgement. I am stating the fact. She is nobody, so she doesn’t deserve to be in those important occasion.” Taehyung cut Jimin’s words before the guy could even finish his words.

Brimming with tears, Seul clenched her fist under the table holding back the pain in her heart. That was by far the most hurtful thing that people ever said to her after the disappearance of her father. A gush of impossible memories that she long forgotten came into her mind again.

 “Why are you doing this to me…”

“Because you are nobody”

“You are our father”

“I am Hoon’s father not yours. You are a child born out of wedlock. For years, I was fooled by your slut mother. I am raising someone’s else child and she turned me into a fucking clown. You are nothing but trouble. You are nobody Seul. You are not my daughter.”

 She opened her eyes, shocked to find her cheeks wet with tears. The horrible memories of her past were very vague, something she couldn’t quite place. All she knew, it was vey messy that day. She never wished to discover the truth, yet it happened anyways. Just like that she had to live with the horrible truth haunting her every night.

“Taehyung watch your word” Yoongi hissed, glowering at the younger guy.

“Oh, now everyone is defending her. I wonder how she screwed up your brain, when thing isn’t this way before she comes into the picture. You guys are being blinded by her gracefulness and fake affection” Taehyung continued to stir the already tense atmosphere in the room.

Namjoon palmed the table with a soft thud “Enough Tae! What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you attacking her?” he breathed calming down his anger. He didn’t to start any fight in the room knowing Taehyung would not act this bratty without a reason. Hell, Taehyung had never acted this way with them before.

“Don’t ask me. Ask her. She is the problem. We need to get rid of her before things get out of hand. We don’t need a bitch in our life. We were doing just fine without her before now why are we acting as if our life depended on her. Pathetic isn’t it?” suddenly a pair of hands grabbing his collar and yanking him around.

He pinned the boy against the wall harshly, glaring furiously “SAY THAT AGAIN KIM TAEHYUNG OR I WILL FUCKING PUNCH YOUR PRETTY FACE” Taehyung chuckled coldly, meeting the older guy’s intense eyes.

Gasps could be heard across the room as everyone stood on their feet witnessing the horrible scene in front of them. Seul was weeping openly now, her bottom lips quivered as tears cascaded down wetting her cheeks

“I knew it. I knew it since start that one-day Seul will jeopardize our friendship. Look at you hyung, you are willing to kill your own bandmates that you’ve known for years to defend a bitch whom you barely knew” clenching his teeth together, Yoongi curled up his fist into a ball. As he about to throw a punch, a small hand put a halt to his action.

Yoongi grunted under his sharp breath, yanking his arm but Seul used all the strength that she had left to stop him “Stop.. He is your brother, Yoongi” his eyes met her red eyes. Seeing Seul in that mess pained him, and with a loud groan he released Taehyung.

Taehyung flicked his tongue out of annoyance, averting Seul’s gaze “I am sorry Tae. You are right, I am nobody. This was a mistake. I am sorry that I am hurting your friendship. I was being too comfortable when I should have known my place..” she choked back her own tears. There were a lot of things she planned to say but the words were stuck in her throat “I can’t do this..” she grabbed her belongings from the living room and made her way to the entrance.

“Fuck great” Jin rubbed his back hair in frustration. He called after Seul after watching her leaving hurriedly but only to be ignored completely by her.

Jungkook and Jimin who stood frozen now were making their move upon realizing her absence in the room. The younger guy grabbed her wrist to stop her from moving “Seul-ah..dont leave.. let’s talk about this” he looked at her sadly.

She could not stop the tears from flowing looking all pathetic in front of them “I..am..s-orry Jungkook.. I cant do this anymore..Stay with Tae, he needs you guys” she pulled her hand from his strong grasp, exiting the house without looking back.

Taehyung ran fingers in his hair, slumped down on the couch with deep a sigh. He was torn in between his own insecurity and worries and ended up hurting Seul in process. What did he do to himself and Seul?

Jimin confronted his best friend with a deep frown “Taehyung.. what happen to you? What was that for? Why are you saying those hurtful things to Seul?” he tried to reason and sat down on the coffee table facing him.

“So will know her place. She doesn’t belong here. Not beside us” he murmured lowly.

Hoseok shook his head showing his disapproval “This is not you Tae. We are friends for years. You won’t be acting this way without a reason. What is bothering you?” even the cheerful Hoseok looked miserable from the fight that just broke between Taehyung and Yoongi.

Namjoon and Yoongi were long gone inside the room, probably the leader trying to reason with the hot-tempered man and talk it out with him without hurting the group in process. That was the best they could do until Taehyung decided to open his mouth to speak the truth.

 This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2020. All Rights Reserved

[mymelodyheart]

Starting Over Chapter 26 ~Hammered~

Jamie watched Quentin pour hot water and drop a teabag each into two mugs. He felt queasy from the effects of his spiked drink, and restless and at unease waiting for Claire's uncle to say something. Anything at all. Instead, the man bloody hummed. Jamie didn't really want tea. Right now, he prefered wrath, accusation and finger-pointing instead of not knowing anything or what Claire had said. Maybe anger was good because it kept him focused and stopped the spinning sensation in his head. 

After what had happened at the club, he would have happily got into a fight with anyone. Especially with someone named Forbes. Unfortunately, he couldn't deck Quentin.  Bloody hell, why does it have to be Quentin I have to face of all nights?

Jamie took deep cleansing breaths and loosened his muscles as Quentin placed a mug of milky steaming tea in front of him and ordered him to sit. Feeling like a fifteen-year-old again, he rubbed the back of his neck and did as he was told. 

He smothered the urge to gag at the offensive looking beverage. He guessed the sick feeling in his guts had more to do with the alcohol and drug that was in his bloodstream. He was about to ask for cold water when Quentin started to speak.

"I don't like the reason you are here, but it's still good to see you, Jamie," Quentin began, walking to the other side of the counter and eyeing him over his specs. 

Jamie thought he saw a small smile playing on Quentin's lips, and wondered if it was an evil smile or the drug was causing him to hallucinate. Glancing at the hammer next to the bag of walnuts, Jamie cleared his throat. "It's also good to see ye too, Quentin and I'm glad ye're well."

Quentin nodded. "Well, I'm going to cut to the chase. Here's the thing, Jamie ...Claire is not saying much, but I know she's upset over something. She normally talks to me when something is bothering her. I presume she is upset because of something you've done. So I'll need you to be the one to tell me exactly what's going on. I want to hear it in your own words, not some speech your publicist or agent or whatever you call them prepared for you."

Jamie frowned and shifted on his stool. "No one has ever prepared my speech, and I have nothing to hide ...from ye. I'll tell ye anything ye want to know," he said truthfully. 

"Very well then ..." Quentin waved a hand.

With a slight hesitation, Jamie proceeded to tell everything that had happened at the club, from what he could remember and what Joe and his brothers had told him about Forbes and Morag. The longer he talked and explained everything, the more he revealed things about himself, including what had happened at the awards and his life before meeting Claire. Maybe the drug in his drink and the alcohol from earlier was helping him loosen his tongue. Whichever the case was, Quentin listened carefully and attentively, his face devoid of judgement and his stance relaxed like as if they were just chatting over some sport's highlights they'd seen on TV.

When Jamie was done talking, he felt depleted; nevertheless, lighter but still nauseous. There was no point omitting things he didn't like about his past when he knew Quentin was a rugby fan and had probably heard or read stories about his escapades.

Jamie hoped Quentin wouldn't think he wasn't good enough for his niece after his revelation, but then, on the other hand, even if that was the case, it wouldn't have stopped him going after Claire. In fact, he would have torn the apartment apart if anyone got in his way, including Quentin.

"It is none of my business, and I don't normally interfere with Claire's decisions and choices, but since you're in the mood for sharing, what is it exactly you want from her?" Quentin asked. "You said you've never been in a relationship before. So what is this? A trial run? To see if a relationship is your thing?"

Christ!  All he wanted to do now was go into Claire's bedroom and talked to her, but Quentin had mentioned she was asleep.  Is she alright? Is she angry or sad? Disappointed?  He might as well stay put and try to get as many details as he could.

Jamie lifted his head and looked squarely into Quentin's eyes. "I'm in love with your niece."

Quentin took the hammer from his chopping block and smashed the walnuts in the ziplocked bag. "And? Has Claire said she feels the same way?"

Jamie didn't flinch nor break eye contact. "Aye," he admitted. "She told me so hersel'." He paused, thought for a minute and then continued. "And I'm hoping that is still the case."

"I don't know, Jamie. She retreated like ..."

"I'm not Frank!"

Letting go of the hammer, Quentin sighed and crossed his arms across his chest. "Listen, son, I might as well tell you this. I like you. Truly I do. I can tell you've always spoken the truth ...right from the beginning. As for Frank, I've never liked the man." 

Jamie felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and the urge to pump his fist in the air was strong, but he quickly tamped down the impulse. 

"He was unhealthy for Claire, and I don't think she loved him ..." Quentin paused, his brows coming down to a perceptible frown. "Well, at least not like how a person should love someone they're supposed to marry. It was probably more like she was at awe with his brilliance as a doctor. But what I think about you and Frank is neither here nor there. What I worry about is the speed your relationship is going. I see that same awe she had for Frank whenever she talks about you. Maybe because Claire's been infatuated with you ever since she'd seen you playing rugby. I guess it's fair to say she's in a happier place with you compared to when she was with Frank. But there is a slight problem. Frank has done a lot of damage to her confidence, and somewhere along the way, she's developed some trust issues. And it certainly doesn't help when there are people out there who want a piece of you, and you're some sort of celebrity."

"What are ye trying to say?" Jamie asked, confused.

Taking a piece of cloth from his pant's pocket, Quentin took off his specs and began polishing it. "What I'm trying to say is, she'll always keep running away until she's resolved those issues. I figured, with all that's happening between the two of you, she sees similarities she had with Frank ..."

"Hang on a minute ...how could ye ..."

Quentin held up his hand, and Jamie shut his mouth. "Deeds, Jamie. Deeds! You and Frank have tried to impress her to her eyeballs with your money and what it could buy. Claire is a simple girl, and she'd led a semi-nomadic life most of her life. Expensive dinners and gifts don't do it for her. And what you're doing right now ...Frank did all that in the beginning. So in her head, she's just waiting for the same pattern to repeat itself again. Your relationship hasn't even begun yet, and she's already bracing for something to go wrong."

"Christ!" Jaime rubbed his face with both hands. "So what do I do?"

"That's for you to figure out," Quentin answered, bashing the last of the walnuts. "Besides, what do I know. I've never married."

..........

Claire was woken to careful movements of someone getting into her bed. Without opening her eyes, she knew from the scent that ensnared her senses, it was Jamie. She tensed but didn't stir and tried to even out her breathing as her heart started to beat a million miles per hour.

"Yer uncle told me I can sleep on his couch tonight, but after he'd gone off to bed I sneaked into ye room," Jamie whispered, snuggling in closer till her back met his chest. "If ye're angry with me, Sassenach, please try no' to make too much noise; otherwise, yer uncle will kick me out before I get a chance to speak to ye. And to be honest, I dinnae feel very well at all." He paused for a few heartbeats. "This is kinda weird. I feel like a schoolboy slinking into yer room behind yer uncle's back, but I couldnae help it knowing ye're probably sleeping fitfully because of what happened tonight."

She didn't move nor say anything, but he continued.

"Christ, Sassenach ..." He let out a long sigh. "I dinnae ken where to begin." He slowly pulled the duvet down and slipped his hand across her waist, his hand splaying out over her stomach. "I was so worried when Joe said Geillis wouldnae answer the phone, I thought I'd go out of my mind."

A long silence ensued, and the only sound she could make out was the steady rhythm of his breathing and the movement of his throat when he swallowed.

"I'm wondering if ye can feel my touch in yer dreams ...if that's why yer heart is beating a little faster. Is yer heart still beating for me, Sassenach?"

She squeezed her eyes tighter, and her chest constricted.

"Does your heart still belong to me,  mo chridhe ?" he asked softly, his voice low and pained. 

She rolled her lips in to suppress the sound threatening to come out of her mouth, his words seducing her heart before her mind could put a stop to it. The sadness in his voice made her doubts and follow-up questions go in a thousand and one random directions, almost cancelling each other out and confusing her even more. At that moment, all she could do was hold on and feel.

"I wonder, if I kiss ye, will ye kiss me back? Or has the pain from what happened tonight, made ye love me a little less?"

His warm lips coasted along her shoulder, sending a shiver travelling down her spine, and a small gasp to escape her throat. Jamie proceeded as if he hadn't noticed her breath hitching.

"Do ye hear the things I say to ye, while ye sleep? I cannae tell ...maybe 'cos I'm drunk. I hope my words will filter through yer dreams and soothe the doubts in yer heart." He sucked in a breath as he moved closer, resting his head on top of hers. "Maybe with words, I can paint ye a life ye deserve, one where my past cannae touch ye and yer subconscious would approve of. And perhaps I can find a way to take what is broken inside of you and make it whole again so that nae matter what forces set to break us apart, we'd remain solid because we have trust." 

A single teardrop slid down her cheek.

Sighing, his fingers absentmindedly stroke her hair away from her face, and he stiffened when he felt the wet on her cheek. "I ken that my words wouldnae mean anything to ye if I didnae have yer trust. Yer trust matters, Sassenach ...it matters whether ye still want me or no' because ye matter to me. So I want ye to know, whatever happens, ye will always have me, and only ye can have me. I will be here to wrap ye in my arms when something threatens to pull you under, every time ... that's if ye will let me. Ye dinnae have to believe me now, I'm not even asking ye to, but I will prove it every day because I love you."

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She couldn't even string words to form a sentence. Besides, what could she say? This buildup inside of her was so unusual, and it ached. She had no idea what kind of words it would produce, and she was still wondering how Morag ended up on his lap.

"From day one, ye've had me walking on a tight rope, and I wasnae sure if I'd ever make it to the other end or fall. The not knowing is quite scary. But the thing is ...I wouldnae want it any other way because every moment with ye is worth it. I guess this trust can be likened to developing a photograph. It needs light for the picture to be well-formed. But I can see it already in my head even if it's no' ready yet. I'm leaving the timing up to the wisdom of the ol' man up there. If we only get one shot at this, I want it to be the best, and though the waiting will pain me, I'll do whatever it takes to get you and me right."

He found her hand and linked it with hers, but the doctor in her thought his palm felt clammy and cold and concluded it must be the effect of alcohol poisoning.

"Whatever it is ye read tonight in the social media, it was inaccurate. But before I tell ye my side of the story, I'd truly appreciate it if ye dinnae run away from me again. If ye do, bear it in mind, I will always come after ye, and I will find ye. And that's a promise, Sassenach. I want ye to remember that. That being said, I will never give ye a reason to run away from me either."

More tears started to pool in her eyes, and she tried to blink them back before they could escape. But it was a futile attempt.

"I guess ye saw pictures of Morag sat on my lap. The thing is I cannae remember that part. Now ye might think I had a lot to drink after ye left the private room, but that wasnae the case." She felt his chest expand as he took a massive deep breath. "The last thing I remember from last night is kissing ye before ye left with Geillis and joining the lads on the sofa. Apparently, Morag came in with Forbes soon after. But I couldnae remember the part when Forbes came in."

Her eyes flew open.  Oh, sweet Jesus!  She'd forgotten all about Forbes and seeing him in the club. After she had that emergency call from Mrs Crook telling her that her uncle had been taken away by the ambulance, she had been so beside herself from worry that she couldn't think of anything else.  Oh my God, oh my God! Why didn't I warn Jamie as soon as I saw that wicked man?  She'd already known he was trouble, but Mrs Crook's phonecall had distracted her.

"The lads had nae idea what kind of man Forbes is. Do ye want to know how Joe found me?"

She flinched and braced herself, but instead of continuing with his story, he shifted them both so she was lying on her back and he was on his side holding her against him. She shut her eyes.

"Ye're shivering,  mo chridhe," he whispered, tightening his hold and scooting closer. He pulled the duvet over them and rubbed her arms.

When her shaking finally stopped, he let out another long sigh, his warm breath fanning her hair.

"I dinnae ken how I'm going to make ye believe me, Sassenach, but I hope ye will. Joe and my brothers found me passed out on the sofa with Morag on my lap. Joe immediately knew something was wrong 'cause I wasnae myself. Weel ...so he says. He figured my drink had been spiked and ..."

Spiked?  All of a sudden, she felt sick as the dots started to connect. "Your drink was spiked?" she echoed hoarsely. "Why the bloody hell didn't you tell me? Jesus, Jamie!

"Ye're awake!" Jamie grumbled, propping himself on his elbow.

"Of course, I am awake you dafty." She threw the covers off and scrambled out of her bed. "Get up this minute, Jamie! I'm taking you to the hospital."

"Ssssh, please, Sassenach. Dinnae shout. Ye're making the room spin, and yer uncle will hear us," he whispered loudly while attempting to get hold of her hand. When he grabbed air, he fell back onto the bed. "Ach, Christ! I think I'm gonnae throw up."

After turning the bedside lamp on, she went quickly to his side, touching his face and feeling his pulse.  Ah, damn, damn, damn it! Why didn't Joe take him to the hospital?  "Jamie! Listen to me. I need you to help me to get you to the hospital. We need to determine what drug was used to spike your drink. I have a feeling your blood pressure is very low, and I can hardly feel your pulse," she explained in her no-nonsense doctor way, pulling him up in up-right position. "And that's not very good."

"It'll ssh pass when morning comes," he muttered waving his hand. "I'll sleep it off."

This time Claire noticed the slight slurring and she knew this didn't have anything to do with alcohol anymore. "Jamie, please, my love," she begged, tugging and using all her strength to budge him out of bed. But it was beginning to prove an impossible feat with his weight.

Suddenly the door to her room opened. "You bloody git! You sneaked into my niece's room! Did you think I wouldn't notice? Get ..."

"Uncle Lamb! Please! Not now! Call the ambulance! Jamie needs medical attention!"

Quentin just stood there, confusion etching his face as his gaze went from Jamie to Claire and then back to Jamie again.

"Uncle!!" Claire shouted.

"What?! How?"

"Uncle," she said in a low warning voice. "Emergency now, questions later!"

This time, her uncle listened and quickly backed away. By the time Quentin left the room, and Claire refocused her attention to the immediate problem, Jamie was already snoring very loudly. She stroked his hair back and felt his pulse again. To her relief, this time, it was slightly stronger. 

Carefully, she turned him to his side in case he vomited and ran her hand up and down his back. "Don't worry, darling. I'll make sure Forbes pay a heavy price for this," she whispered, mentally vowing she would do just that. "And if you can hear me, rest easy, my love. I'm never leaving your side."

She sighed and got up to dress.  

Ah, bloody hell! What am I going to do with you, you sweet-talking man?

[fayewonglibrary]

Melting of the Ice Queen (2000)

Once the music world’s Ice Queen, Faye Wong warms up to motherhood and new love as Rebecca Li uncovers.

AS Faye Wong walks into the photo studio at Chai Wan, Hong Kong, casually dressed in baby-blue pants and pink No Name sneakers that look like a cross between sports shoes and ballet slippers, she looks relaxed and girlish.

The colours of her outfit suggest that her life is absolutely bright and sunny.  Even without makeup, her eyes obscured by aviator shades, she still looks completely stunning.

Well-known for her nonchalance to the media and her chameleon-like image changes, Asia’s most charismatically enigmatic chanteuse seems to have mellowed.  Does it have anything to do with the birth of her daughter Jingtong in February 1997?

“The greatest change in me came not after the birth of my child, but after I converted to Buddhism in 1992,” says the 31-year-old.  “I used to ask myself questions like ‘Why is it so?’ But not everything in the world can be explained.  If it is so, it is so; there is no why.  If it is fated, then it is so!  You can only learn to accept your fate.  A simple principle, but easier said than done.”

LIFE GOES ON

With her divorce from Taiwanese rocker Dou Wei out of the way, Faye seems to have moved on.  The big news now is that she is dating a younger man, and not just any younger man too, but Hong Kong heartthrob Nicholas Tse, who’s all of 19.

The source of the rumor?  The pair was snapped by paparazzi earlier this year, kissing at a party in Hong Kong club Greenspot…during a drinking game.  And to add fuel to the fire, they have also been spotted having intimate dinners together on several occasions.

Gossip aside, it’s amazing how the public just cannot get enough of this long-limbed, 1.72 metre-tall Beijing-born beauty, who first set foot in Hong Kong in 1987 at the age of 18.

Back then, the artiste formerly known as Shirley Wong Ching Man didn’t even speak a word of Cantonese, and out of boredom, she enrolled herself in singing classes that helped her develop that ethereal voice that she is now so famous for.

After spending a couple of years in New York studying music, she returned to Hong Kong in 1992, changed her name to Faye, and released an album entitled COMING HOME.  The rest, as they say, is history.  In 1993, she was voted “Most Popular Asian Singer” and over the years, her star has just kept rising higher.

Within a short span of time, Faye has attained the kind of pop icon status that took her favorite singer Teresa Teng an entire lifetime to achieve.

Fans from as far as France devote entire websites to her.  Film critics in Sweden gave her the “Best Actress” award for her role in CHUNGKING EXPRESS.  Sony Playstation felt she was appealing enough to the youth market to pay her US$1 million to sing the ending theme song for their popular video game Final Fantasy 8.

If you’d holidayed in China last year and felt a thirst for Pepsi, you would have seen her gorgeous face emblazoned all over the can (that is, before the limited edition ran out).

A Japanese cellphone company used her for their commercial, but that perhaps is not even half as flattering as the fact that a Taiwanese artiste, Kung Mei Mei, released a debut album entitled I LOVE FAYE WONG.

QUEEN OF MODESTY

Faye has proven herself as one of the very few singers who have made a successful crossover into acting, with CHUNGKING EXPRESS, LOVE AFFAIR IN OKINAWA (which hit Singapore screens on 9 August) and the yet-to-be-completed 2046.  But she still remains unimpressed by her own thespian talents.

“Actually I don’t have much acting to do in LOVE AFFAIR IN OKINAWA… and it is nothing as crazy as the character in CHUNGKING EXPRESS.  It is much more normal and easy-going.”

And contrary to what others say, the movie has not been tailormade for her, she clarifies.  “Maybe they just know this is how I am, I simply can’t act.  Maybe it is because it is a different director (Peter Chan).  I have only worked with Wong Kar Wai before.  I’m more familiar with what he wants… I’m afraid of the demands from other directors, that I may not be able to meet their requirements…”

Faye says that she does not like acting because it involves teamwork and requires a lot of patience.

“For me, when you are making a movie, you have to wait.  It takes a lot of time, and it can be boring.  When you sing, you just need to go to the studio.  I would know if I have not sung a line well, so I can ask to do it again.  When it comes to acting, I wouldn’t know which way is better.  When the director says it is okay, then it’s okay for me, I wouldn’t have any opinion of my own.

"I have also sought advice from many actors, like Carina Lau, for example, who never went through formal training either.  She said, it will be fine, just keep doing it, it will come with experience!  Maybe that’s true, I’ve only made three movies, which is not much of an experience.”

While most actors eagerly dissect every film they can get their hands on, Faye says she is not even a movie buff to begin with.  “I don’t like to watch martial arts movies, war movies, period movies,” she says, without pausing for breath.  “I do watch comedies, but if it is blatantly slapstick, I will definitely not watch it.”

And contrary to how so-called “serious” actors try to get into their roles by trying to get under the skin of the character they’re taking on, Faye prefers not to get in too deep.

“When you are doing a Wong Kar Wai movie, you can never be quite in it, because you won’t even know what the story is all about.  When I was filming CHUNGKING EXPRESS, I really didn’t know what I was doing.  You have to read the script a few times to understand what he’s trying to say.  As I was playing the role, I was feeling that this girl is so irritating and inexplicable.  Haha…"  Self-mockery has always been a virtue of survivors.

LOVE ACCORDING TO FAYE

Now that she has reclaimed her "single” status, perhaps Faye will reveal the kind of man that attracts her?

But this line of questioning doesn’t get much information out of her – Faye would rather speak in generalities, and not about any specific person.  Nicholas Tse’s name is not mentioned throughout the interview.

Sexiness, Faye says, is a matter of personality, a kind of feel.  For her, there are no criteria to speak of.

“I have always been one to follow my intuition.  When it feels right, then it’s right.  The most important thing for a man is to be upright, frank, not to make me do any second-guessing, not to say one thing and do another thing.  Whether he is sexy or not is secondary.  There is not particular look that I go for.  Except that I don’t like guys that talk to much.”

Still, despite her ice queen persona, there’s still a hint that the man who manages to make her thaw will find a hopeless romantic underneath.

“I feel that everything is fated.  When a person is in love, it is like having a magic spell cast on you, you just can’t wriggle out of it, and you can’t be so level-headed as to examine yourself objectively.  Some would calculate various factors while choosing a marriage partner and decide according to one’s requirements.  But I’m definitely not someone like that.”

Translated by Ts’ Ming.

FAYE ON HER LEADING MEN

Tony Leung Chiu Wai - “I have worked with him the most number of times but never really talked to him.  I don’t understand him too well.  He doesn’t talk much, but sometimes he would behave like … he would be very affectionate, it’s rather odd.  I guess he is harder to fathom.”

Leslie Cheung - “He is a buddy.  He is someone who makes clear distinctions between what he loves and what he hates.  He would explain why he likes something and why he doesn’t like something … a headstrong type of person.”

Tony Leung Kar Fai - “He is a very agreeable character, he would share his private matters with others, things like where his family has gone traveling, what they have encountered, how his daughter is doing … I think he would make a perfect husband, very nice, caring, and attentive.”

Takuya Kimura - “Kimura is a very smart person.  But sometimes he’s very playful too.  He’s actually a very professional actor.”

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

On hobbies - “Shopping for clothes is no longer my hobby, I only shop for 'working clothes’, so that doesn’t count.  Recently, I haven’t’ had any hobbies.  Apart from work, I just lie around at home, or meet up with some friends.  I have not played mahjong for a long time."  (Right, who has time for mahjong when one is too busy dating?)

On music - "Thinking back on my first record, it was released without much thought, and it was not very me.  I tend to be more carefree while recording in the studio, other than that I behave very awkwardly.  I’m not one who needs to listen to music everyday.”

On pursuits - “I’m not very worried about what to eat, or what to wear, just as long as I have a place to live comfortably.  Actually I’m usually not so concerned about my appearance.  I think the only thing I care for is my records, choosing my songs, recording a good album.  Although there are some works that I’m satisfied with, I still hope to do more.”

On happiness - “A lot of times, that’s just a state of mind.  As long as you know how to let go, you will be much happier.”

On her daughter - “I never planned to have children.  I’m not a patient person but I tend to be nicer to children.  Fortunately, Jing Tong is not naughty at all.  I will not interfere with her future, my responsibility is just to raise her.  Whichever path she takes from then on would be her own, that’s beyond my control.”

MAKING OF A COVER GIRL

Faye Wong has a habit of browsing through magazines while making up.  She would rather stay a while longer than to rush an interview while making up and doing her hair.  Such insistence is rare among entertainers, but how else to share your thoughts with so many people around to interrupt?

So this reporter had to watch her making up, doing her hair, trying her dress and taking the polaroids for a full five hours.  But that helped her to warm up and made it easier to strike up a conversation.

As expected, her daughter Jing Tong turned up at 5:30 pm sharp, insisted on a hug and kiss, and on being Faye’s personal dresser – she followed Mum into the changing room.  Faye looked completely transformed as she emerged, and her daughter started to mimic her, much to everyone’s amusement.

During the interview, the cute little girl interrupted three or four times, but she also knew when to back off after every act, without being told off.

As the interview drew to a close, Jing Tong grew more and more impatient.  She shouted with all her might:  “Mum, Mum, let’s go home!"  It sounded like a little wish that was too long suppressed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

SOURCE: ELLE

[vinciaka]

KALEIDOSCOPE: a project by DAYE

my dear friend serge aka daye just sent a full project for me to listen through before the release of it. It moved me so much that i couldn’t sleep without trying my very best to explain how listening to this made me feel, cause it made me feel very much, all 7 tracks. i want to (try to) explain to you how each song made me feel.

a little quick thing to know before you read this: i tend to reach a lot, and in this little post here, i will try to explain how i saw these songs and the conceptual interpretations i made. they’re probably wrong and might not have been the artist’s true intentions when making the songs,  but songs are more fun if you listen to them in your own way. oh !warning! my “review” or whatever might be very biased lol okay

where were we? oh right, the feels. I feel like it made perfect sense to name this project KALEIDOSCOPE, because just like the real thing, daye reflects both his personal life and producing essence in his music and it creates this beautiful art that transforms into another masterpiece depending on how you decide to look at(/listen to) it. he has used things like audio clips from moments in his life, sounds of a cassette player being opened/closed, voices of friends with his (oh so) suitable voice to enhance theirs, and his own voice as main focus (spoiler: my fav song is where he raps the outro... stay tuned xo). It all results in a beautiful memoir, that i felt was focusing on the things surrounding him, perceived by serge and translated by daye into these songs.

the first song ROLLIN sucked me in with the very calming cheerful melody. the song features rapper mike jones that tells a story about a cute blossoming affection between two people who both seem too shy to come forward about it. the story is accompanied with beautiful inputs of shorter melodies created with something that sounds like a very pianoy electric guitar (comes in around 1:46). this song really shows dayes talent when it comes to creating melodies and layering the same melody with different sounds. we hear everything from violin sounds, to synths, backed by fabulous kicks and claps and hi-hats and tambourines and... you get it. he pays a lot of attention to details and it shows through the very subtle sounds of “plings” and his own “so now we” voice input. the beat is concluded with a beautiful piano outro played by one of his friends and puts a more “ripened love”(lol) denouement to the cutesy lovey dovey mood introduced in the beginning of the song. it ends with an audio clip talking about rolling....the green (or brown) stuff. This song feels: buoyant, calm, blissful, bubbly, cute.

the second track BADBOY (also my second favorite song) is just pure, fantastic, simple yet detailed quality production. this song feels like taking an evening walk in the inner city when everything is about to close during warmer weather & meeting up with fun adventurous friends. the drum loop is just so beautifully chosen and is the highlight of the song to me. the second name of this song should be SYNTHBOY (sry). the thing is, i usually don’t like synthy sounds, but daye chooses his sounds so perfectly and breaks it off with complementary non-expected sounds, and the result is... my second favorite track. the outro is a fun audio clip where his friends are joking around. The song really gives me both summer night and summer day and summer day vibes. This song feels: sunny, refreshing, cresent-moony, breezy

next song SWAGOO is my personal favorite. wow.. just wow. i would divide the song into 3 parts and i mean… 3 parts? ugh daye’s mind! the first part is a sample of a song with vocals that go “your love, your love, your love” and it’s a great introduction to the theme of the song. Next part we’re introduced to a very soothing R&B electric piano feel that was quickly accompanied by a  very minimalistic, clean kick, snare and hi-hat. once again, rapper mike jones is featured and this time tells a story that seems to continue on where he left off in ROLLIN. but this time he’s ready to settle down. the whole minimalistic instrumental through the second part gave off the good feelings of liking someone and being really sure about the whole thing. but i realized that it all was a false feeling of comfort when the second part was cut off into an audio clip. the audio clip is from a video featured by yours truly (lol) & other friends and is from a house party both me and daye were at at some time in april 2019. in the audio clip you can hear us singing to self control by frank ocean, and the part daye chose to add just makes so much sense and is so fitting into the story. it was the part where frank says “i came to visit, cause you see me like a ufo”. after mike jones spoke about being ready to settle down into the relationship, it seems like it all fell off, just like what that part in frank’s song hints at. two people falling off. right after the audio clip, i was hit by what gave me kind of a revelation, kind of an unreligious epiphany… the third and final part of the song. the last part lasts for 30 seconds and that’s what i dislike the most about this project, because to me that last part is the highlight of this tape. daye uses his own voice (!!) in a gloomy way with a sullen beautiful instrumental that i was amazed by. that part of the song is what fits my personal music taste the most. its crazy. the goal of trying to write all of this down instead of reviewing it directly to serge was to give me a chance to fully express how i felt about this project, but still this part gives me a hard time to explain how wonderfully divine it was. his vocals concludes the love story that mike told. the love interest was just “bad news” and the whole thing left daye in a slump. this whole song is just a wonderful story about love that fades when the mutual feelings stop being mutual and daye portrayed it beautifully through merging 3 different parts and leveling it out to create one harmonious song. excellent. i wish i could replay those last 30 seconds over and over again. in the very end, you hear the sound of a cassette player opening, welcoming the next song. This song feels: jolly -> hopeful->surprising->gloomy, amazing, rainy

track 4 and 5 i will review together as one part. first we hear SMILLAS INTERLUDE and then we hear TIMELESS, both have beautiful melodies and lyrics sung by serges friend smilla. the interlude is just different cuts of her voice singing some words, but mostly overwhelmingly beautiful runs. wow what a voice. in between the cuts of her voice daye carries on the theme with cassette player opening/closing sounds. the interlude almost sounds like the process of writing a letter with drafts and parts that both are kept and thrown away but that in the end results in a fully written letter, and that’s what TIMELESS is. if deciding to look at this project as one big storyline where all songs are small pieces of a bigger story, the lyrics in TIMELESS seem like an explanation to why the love was “bad news”. the whole intention of the relation seemed to be confusing and not straight to the point, a “timeless haze” as told by smilla. the best point of this song, the music production by daye, made it feel like everything still was alright. the beat felt like a hug, saying that the confusion is okay. it felt like a rainy summer day. bright outside with gray skies and a rainbow. the song is fully nuanced because all of the elements in it. everything has more than one layer. the drums, the synths, the vocals. during the chorus, a simple bassline is added to the instrumental and it gives the song a whole new layer of depth. the mixing of this song is the best in my opinion. This song feels: reassuring, confidently confusing, self focusing, profound, like a kiss on the forehead.

the second last song of this tape, COMING HOME shares the spot together with BADBOY as my second favorite track. the production is just so spectacular and high quality! i love it. the drum loop hits hard throughout the whole song and once again, daye’s ears made my ears a big favor by choosing it. his talent with finding and picking out the best sounds & layering was really noticable in this song and it all feels like a whole majestic musical arrangement more than just a beat. it feels like the last day of summer. the melody created by the bass, synths and other sound effects makes the song feel like a sad farewell, but affirming of that better days will come. To further push the feeling of that this is a goodbye, we once again have the talented mike jones lifting the song even more with his added lyrics about “coming home”. between mike’s verses, i was blessed with a beautiful guitar solo played by daye’s talented friend edvin. i had a hard time choosing, but the point of this song is the drum loop and the bassline. listening to the project as a whole, it feels like this is the last song of the project even if isn’t. This song feels: elevating, reminiscent, bittersweet, concluding

like i said above, COMING HOME feels like the last song. but now, we have come to the official last song: INTRO2PHASE2. what im about to say, the title already hints on it. this song sticks out the most to me and it is made very obvious the first two seconds of the song with a very intense synth sound that differs from any synth throughout the whole project. the music composition differs a lot too and is no longer soft and summery but rather upbeat, more intense and less... lovey. it was impossible not to move your head along to the beat. What i like the most about this song is that it shows a whole different side of daye and portrays his versatility when it comes to production. whichever genre he decides to approach he does perfectly and leaves his fingerprints scattered all over the finished product, so it still sounds like daye.  this feels more like an intro to the next concept more than outro to this tape, and that is why the song before this was (to me) the last song of this project (or should i say phase?). mike (who is featured here too) also uses his voice in a more powerful way compared to the more relaxed/soft way that is heard in the other songs he is in. if it still isn’t obvious that this is an intro to the switch of concepts, it is made even more clear with mike’s unfinished sentence where he says he doesn’t want drama, he wants-... to be continued i guess! This song feels: intense, like fire, stinky face, hard

 im excited for what’s next to come, and curious about where the focus will shift in the next project. daye left us with a cliffhanger, and hopefully, in the future we will know what it was that mike jones wanted instead of drama.

to summarize, this project felt very conceptual even if intentional or not, the order of the songs made sense if you were to look at it as a whole story. generally, it sounds like the theme is love; from its exciting beginnings to the end of it (and maybe the rebound too?) in a very realistic way. all songs can be seen as one big coherent story, or as individual songs and which one you see depends on how you want to look at it through the KALEIDOSCOPE. This project feels like: love, summer, a story

[bunnybbomb]

Trying to Tie Loose Ends (Catharsis Continuation): Chapter 2: The First Oracle Knight

SUMMARY: With visions of his future descendants in mind, Brivere enlists Prince Sidon to help him persuade the Zora royal council to agree to an unprecedented request. The outcome of this request results in the need for a new First Knight.

(A fanfic for the Sidlink fanfic Coma Baby by @banishfics or @banishedone, a continuation of the other one I made called Catharsis)

This is a fanfiction for a fanfiction called Coma Baby by BanishedOne on AO3, and a continuation of the other one I wrote called Catharsis. If you like a grumpy Link and really well developed, deep characters and an amazing take on the political structure of the Zora Domain, then definitely check out Coma Baby! It’s a long read and still going on, but the writing and descriptions are superb and it just means more great content. This fic in particular is focused on my favorite character in the series, the OC Brivere. You don’t need to read the whole series to get what’s going on in this fic though, since a lot is explained in here.

I post memes and fics for Coma Baby on my tumblr, you can chat with me any time about anything! I also post all chapters on my AO3 account BunnyBob!

Huge thank you to my amazing beta reader Alina! Her tumblr and ff.net is @ipromiseitsnotanobsession. She actually does editing shit for a living and she is the one that makes sure these things aren’t trash, so

Disclaimer: In no way does this have any true ties or canon to Coma Baby unless stated otherwise. It’s really just an indulgence AU to feed my obsession for Brivere drama.

           Brivere stood behind his prince, head bowed down, with his hands balanced the on the hilt of a silverscale longsword, its sharp point digging into the marble floor of the council hall. He usually didn’t use such an outdated posture in these meetings, but Prince Sidon had advised him to appeal to the older Zora council in order to gain a little of their favor.

           Although the two of them had put a lot of thought and research into their proposition, the knowledge that Brivere could either secure or lose his request with even the smallest action kept him on edge. Luckily, he was used to suppressing such worries, and so no one was able to catch onto the pit of anxiety that gnawed at his stomach. The only noticeable trait that gave his true feelings away was how tightly he was clutching onto his longsword.

           After everyone had properly bowed to King Dorephan and settled in, Prince Sidon gave Brivere the nod to raise his head and stand up straight with his hands folded behind his back. He did so after gracefully twirling his sword around himself, snapping it into the weapon strap that was wrapped around one shoulder and looped across his broad chest. The longsword was completely still, hanging off of his back. This earned him a couple of pleased nods from the council members and apostles.

           “First Knight Brivere,” King Dorephan boomed. “it has come to our attention that you and my son have a request of us.”

           Brivere nodded politely. “Yes, your majesty. While I am very aware that the positions we currently have in our government are traditionally passed down from our great ancestors, I find it necessary to add a new role into our roster.”

           The golden knight didn’t need his future ability to predict the mutters and head shakes that immediately came after his demand. Nonetheless, it still upset him that his suggestion was already being shot down before he was even able to properly explain himself.

           King Dorephan hummed thoughtfully. “What makes you believe so, Brivere?”

           “As you all know, I have recently awakened my ability to see the future, which is similar to my father’s.” The council nodded, recalling the event from a few days ago. “With this, it is clear that this power is passed through blood, generation to generation. I believe it is a blessing from Hylia herself, wanting to continue her protection of our people with this gift. As a result, I would like to create the position of Oracle Knight, name courtesy of Prince Sidon.” The prince grinned at this, remembering how the two of them had playfully fought over what to call their joint creation for days in the royal records hall.

           “And just what would the purpose of this position be, First Knight?” Muzu asked.

           “It is similar to the First Knight position, but it has the additional responsibility of using the ability to see the future to properly advise and protect the royal family. It will be passed down generation by generation, to whichever of my descendants receives this power.”

           At this, one particularly displeased council member scoffed. “We cannot defy Zora traditions! We have kept and maintained our current position roster since the beginning of our race, only picking those who are qualified.”

           Prince Sidon was now the one to speak up, eager to show off how prepared the two of them were. “Actually, that is not entirely correct. If you examine these positions,” he said, holding up a scroll from the royal records hall, pointing a claw at several sections, “they have only been added within the past few centuries, when they became necessary. I would be glad to give you this scroll to examine, but rest assured that Brivere and I have already confirmed its legitimacy.”

           “Even so, we cannot let the position only be passed down by blood! The only one that follows that ritual is the role of the king!” Muzu hissed. “Do you intend to create this position just to usurp power from the royal family?!”

           At this, Brivere shook his head. “That is far from my intention. I only ask that the position of Oracle Knight be passed down my bloodline because that is the only way the power to see the future will flow, and that quality is necessary for this new title. If it pleases the council, you may take away as much power or pay from this status as you like, but all I ask is that you keep its duty to protect the royal family.”

           The council listened, seemingly more content with that compromise. King Dorephan let the words sink in before he broke the silence. “I believe that is all the questions we have, unless anyone else is unsatisfied.” The other members shook their heads. Brivere slowly became nervous, as the council members all suddenly wore the same emotionless mask that he had. It was impossible to tell what conclusion they had come to. “In that case, you may make a closing statement before you and my son must leave for us to deliberate and come to our answer.”

           Brivere nodded, quietly clearing his throat as he stepped forward. His eyes softly gazed around, trying to make direct contact with each individual council member and apostle. “I know that tradition is important, and I would never disrespect our culture and proud history. That is why I propose that we start this new custom, not starting with me, but with my late father Prion.”

The council broke out into a wave of confused murmurs as King Dorephan raised his brow. “My father used his abilities to protect and advise the king in order to help our kingdom prosper. I simply wish to pick up where he left off and protect Prince Sidon. With this, we can start a new tradition where my descendants will dedicate themselves to the royal family. I wish to create this position not to gain more power or status, but merely to pledge my bloodline’s loyalty to the royal line from now on. Whatever your decision, I am thankful for your consideration.”

           With this, Prince Sidon and his First Knight Brivere bowed respectfully before turning to leave the chamber.

;

           “How do you think it went?” Brivere asked as he and his prince strolled down one of the palace’s many halls.

           “To be quite frank, it is difficult to tell. They all looked about as indifferent as you usually do.” Sidon teased, trying to ease his knight’s tension. His attempt failed, as Brivere looked up at him with a rare worried look in his eyes, clearly wanting to ask something. “And no, I did not use my abilities to read their emotions. You know that I never use them without the person’s clear consent unless it is an emergency.”

           Brivere nodded sheepishly, ashamed that the prince had caught onto his curiosity. “I apologize, my lord, it was improper of me to expect such a thing from you. I am just thankful that you helped me with the research and construction of my argument. This never would have happened without your assistance.” Sidon chuckled at his knight’s modesty. The two of them stopped in front of one of the windows, quietly enjoying the sight of their beloved Domain sprawled out before them.

           Turning to face the golden Zora, Sidon let a genuine smile stretch across his pale face. “No matter the outcome, I do not regret supporting the Oracle Knight. But are you absolutely certain that your bloodline will not feel chained to and resent the title?”

           “I have already told you of the visions that I had.” Brivere said softly, not looking away from the window. “Although, I did not mention them during the hearing because I worried that the council may think that I was making them up for my own benefit. But as long as you believe me, I am confident in my decision.”

           Sidon nodded and turned back to gaze at the citizens walking around, enjoying the sunny weather. “Could you tell them to me again?” he asked gently.

           Brivere slightly bobbed his head up and down before closing his eyes, basking in the sunlight. “I saw myself training a young girl who looked so similar to me. She always followed around a young man who looked so similar to you. This girl could predict the future, and she used this gift to protect and serve the young man. They went everywhere together, maintaining an admirably strong bond no matter how terrible the war or how great the distance. Then, the girl was training a little boy who looked more like her, but I could still see myself in him, and he followed around another little boy who looked so much like you that it hurt.”

           “I watched the same cycle repeat through generations and generations of our bloodline, the powerful bond between our families never breaking. It was obvious that my descendants didn’t despise their role. Instead, they were completely honored to have the chance to protect the person they loved for the rest of their lives. And in each of them, I saw our Domain finally at peace, continuing to thrive under your family’s rule.”

           The two of them leaned against the window sill in silence, enjoying the thought of their descendants thriving within their beloved kingdom. Brivere only opened his eyes when he felt Sidon’s strong arm rope around his waist. “And did you happen to see if my future children were also yours?” the prince teased.

           Brivere flushed, quickly looking around to see if anyone else was nearby. The two of them and the Hylian Champion had been in an open relationship with each other for a while now. He and Link weren’t dating, a fact that bothered Brivere for reasons he couldn’t quite explain, but were rather just friends that happened to be in love with the same prince. However, their polyamorous relationship was unheard of in Zora culture, who mated with only one person for the rest of their lives, always with a strong soul-bond. Anything else was taboo. Brivere knew this well, considering what happened with his late mother.

            As a result, they decided to keep the whole thing secret for now since all of them held such high and public positions. And even though the Hylian Champion was off fighting the Calamity, the other two Zoras decided to keep their own bond a secret, not wanting to expose themselves without him.  

            But Sidon would always tease the golden knight, saying that if he and Link developed into something more then he would easily approve. Brivere would always ignore it in turn. There’s no way he could date a man he used to despise; their current friendship is nothing short of a miracle.

            So there was no reason to push or hope for anything more and possibly ruin that.

            Finding no one, Brivere eased up slightly and leaned against Sidon’s chest, angling his tail so that it wouldn’t be squished in-between them. “Admittedly, I couldn’t tell. I was more focused on watching the actions of our children rather than their actual relation to each other.” The prince hummed in response, leaning his head on top of Brivere’s as they continued to gaze at the scenery outside of the window. Neither of them had any idea of how much time had passed when they heard a guard calling their names. They quickly pulled apart from each other as he came around the corner, announcing that the council had reached their decision.

           Thanking him, both Zoras ran over to the council’s chamber, stopping out of sight of the entranceway to catch their breaths and recompose themselves. Sidon was the first to straighten up, giving his knight a reassuring squeeze on the arm before turning to face the entranceway. Swallowing the anxiety that crept up his throat, Brivere followed his prince into the chamber.

           When the two of them had fully entered, the council and apostles present hushed their conversations to watch the Prince and his Knight position themselves in front of the king. Brivere whipped out his sword, going back into the same position as the beginning of the last meeting. He held his head down and gripped onto the weapon until Sidon gave him the same nod, and then he spun the sword around again until it hung off of his back, buckled into the weapon strap. Although the council had already come to their decision and no amount of theatrics could change it now, Brivere figured that he may as well give them a show they wouldn’t forget.

           “First Knight Brivere and my beloved son Prince Sidon.” King Dorephan said in a proud voice. “The council has agreed to create the new position and title of the Oracle Knight.”

           Years of maintaining a stone-cold mask of indifference was the only thing that saved Brivere’s dignity in that moment. If it hadn’t been for his aquired muscle memory in keeping a tough, indifferent appearance, he would have jumped around and shouted with joy. One quick moment of eye contact with Prince Sidon made it easy to tell that the prince wanted to do the same, but he was much less skilled at hiding it. The wide smile that stretched across his face completely gave him away.

           “However, in exchange, the Oracle Knight will have a few differences from the First Knight, in order to balance out the power and maintain the tradition of First Knight.” Brivere nodded hesitantly. Fair enough. “The First Knight will continue to be the captain of the knights, but the Oracle Knight will not. Rather, they will solely be the personal knight and advisor of their designated member of the royal line. Both knights will report to their ruler, but neither will have any formal control over the other. Each will be considered to be the same in terms of status and equal in their importance. Does this satisfy the two of you?”

           They bowed in unison and said “Yes, your majesty.” Brivere then stepped forward and knelt before the council members. “I am extremely grateful to all of you for your approval. I promise that I and my future descendants will never come to make any of you regret this decision.”

           “We will be holding you to that,” King Dorephan chuckled. “However, there is more to our decision. In order for us to establish this new title, we have one more addition to the role of the Oracle Knight.” Brivere and Sidon glanced up, unable to keep the confusion off of their faces.

           “We will explain more in a moment, but the two of you should prepare yourselves to speak in front of the whole Domain.”

;

           An announcement was made that the Prince would be giving an important speech that pertained to everyone, even the Undercity dwellers, and so every Zora in the Domain was crammed together in the large streets near the palace. That is to say that the upper class sat in more comfortable viewing areas while the Undercity Zora tried not to touch them. The streets were alive with the sounds of conversation and rumors, all of the Zora wondering what the announcement would be about. They all prayed that it wasn’t a worrying declaration of something catastrophic happening again in the Domain, such as another Water Blight spreading around.

           Their patience finally paid off when the prince came into view on one of the balconies with his First Knight right beside him, as usual. As expected, complete chaos broke out at the site of their beloved Prince, the women shrieking at his handsome appearance and the Undercity Zora hollering in appreciation of his inclusive policies on class equality. The prince rode out the excitement, showing off a wide smile as he waved to the crowd. His First Knight next to him was wearing an unfamiliar but fancy choker that covered all of his upper chest and neck, but no one was paying attention to the reserved golden Zora in favor of the more popular Prince Sidon.

           Eventually the prince had to hold up his hand, waiting for the excited crowd to calm down before he spoke. “Zora of the Domain!” he bellowed, making sure each word could be heard by every individual. “I must thank you all for coming on such short notice. The announcement that I will make was the result of a decision made by the council just a few moments ago, and it was important for us to get this information out as soon as possible.”

           Prince Sidon paused. “In short, I am in need of a new First Knight.”

           A collective gasp washed over the crowd as everyone gawked at the former First Knight who was still standing next to the prince with a blank face. Waves of rumors and conversation soon drowned out the shock as every Zora in attendance speculated how the First Knight had gotten himself removed from his position. Those in the crowd who had always ridiculed and despised Brivere grinned smugly as they watched him continue to stand there with his usual emotionally-devoid stare. They were pleased to imagine how much he was actually squirming under that cold mask of his.

           Everyone silenced when the prince raised his hand again. “Just as before, I am making the position open to everyone within the Domain, no matter their bloodline or class. We will decide this with the same tournament system, which will start in a few months. For those who wish to participate, you will need to register in the Basilica within the next few weeks and undergo a mental and physical examination before gaining approval to compete. I wish the best of luck to all of you.”

           The crowd cheered, Undercity Zora in particular, and Prince Sidon waited until the noise calmed before he continued. “With that being said, I am proud to ask all of you to pay attention to my new Oracle Knight, Brivere.”

           The cheers quickly stopped as the crowd stared in confusion as the prince stepped aside and gestured for the golden Zora to take his place. Oracle Knight? Every Zora was required to learn about the different positions and statuses available within their government, and they had definitely never heard of that one before.

           They all finally noticed the very flashy choker that covered most of Brivere’s upper body, and each Zora turned to each other to ask if anyone knew which position it signified. It was definitely fancier than the Prince’s, but there was no way that the former First Knight would suddenly have more status than him. When he opened his mouth, the crowd was almost silent, wanting to hang onto every word that he said, searching for answers.

           “First off, I must apologize for the misleading way that my lord introduced me.” Brivere said, shooting a pointed glance to Prince Sidon who just smiled back sheepishly. “I was not removed from my position for any misdeeds on my part. Rather, I have just been appointed to the status of Oracle Knight. It is alright if none of you know of it, because it was created just moments ago by the royal council through my request. Put simply, in this new position, I will advise and protect the royal family, Prince Sidon in particular, with my ability to see the future.”

           The crowd gawked at the Oracle Knight, the streets full of shouts of denial and shock. There was only one Zora that everyone knew of that had had that very same power, and that man was dead.

Brivere knew that he didn’t have as much respect built up as Prince Sidon, so he just waited for the crowd to quiet down. It took a while, since everyone was busy trying to wrap their tails around his words, but eventually they calmed down enough for his voice to be heard again.

           “Some of you in the crowd are aware of the controversy that has surrounded my lineage ever since my birth. However, I am not here to discuss that or to explain every single rumor to all of you. To make a long story short, I have been confirmed to be the son of Prion, and this choker is the same that he wore.”

           To an outsider, one would have thought that the Calamity had struck the Zora Domain once more. The streets shook in complete chaos as everyone began shouting and clamoring for answers. Those who had never known Brivere were completely blindsided by the fact that the late First Knight Prion, a decorated war hero that they all celebrated even to this day, had had a hidden son for so long. And those who did know Brivere either felt embarrassment for being wrong or felt nothing but rage and disbelief.

           Several guards had to be dispatched in order to hold back the wild crowd. Prince Sidon threw his arms around as he shouted for everyone to calm down while Brivere reflexively held a battle stance in front of the prince, trying to hold him back from the chaos. The mayhem below nearly drowned out the approaching footsteps of King Dorephan as he walked to the balcony.

           “Silence!” the king bellowed, his voice nearly knocking over every Zora in attendance. Instantly, the streets were quiet once more, almost as if the Calamity had killed them all in a heartbeat. “While the shock of these new decisions and discoveries are natural, it is no excuse to treat our speaker with such disrespect. We will release more detailed information about everything later but, for now, I swear to you, my beloved citizens, that we are absolutely certain that Brivere is the son of Prion.”

           The crowd let his words sink in, only somewhat satisfied. King Dorephan let out a huff, turning to Brivere who had somehow went through all of the chaos with a straight face. “Please continue, Oracle Knight.”

           Brivere nodded and walked back out to the front of the balcony. “I did not come here solely to speak of my new position or to confirm my parentage.” he began. “I must also talk of the additional position that the council has attached to mine: the Holy Knight. It is simply a personal knight and assistant to the Oracle Knight.”

           “Similar to the First Knight, the position will be open to everyone, regardless of class or family name. Unlike Prince Sidon’s tournament, however, the winner will not be decided solely on raw strength alone.” Brivere explained. “A series of trials will he held to test for intelligence and a sharp mind. The final stage will be different, but its content will not be revealed until ten people remain. Those who wish to participate will gather in the records hall at dawn 3 months from today.”

           “I advise anyone who considers joining to study as much as you can, particularly government politics, but unfortunately, I cannot give any other advice than that.” With this, Brivere bowed. “Thank you all for your time.”

           He was about to turn to retreat back into the palace, but he hesitated, clearly sensing something. His body visibly locked up for a moment before he spoke again. “I am aware that many of you may be wondering why we are bothering to hold these trials and tournaments if I could just use my ability to already select the winners.” Everyone in the crowd stared back, dumbfounded.

           Brivere quickly tried to explain himself. “Admittedly, I just had a short vision of many of you asking me that very question or disregarding the competitions altogether. However, I encourage you all to try. The future is always subject to change based on your actions, so do not believe that you have no chance. You will only fail if you do not try.”

           At this, Brivere paused, and suddenly his golden eyes shifted off to the side. It was clear that he was staring at someone in particular. “Good luck to all of you,” he blurted out, shifting his gaze back before the crowd could determine who he was looking at. “I look forward to working with the winner.” With this, he quickly turned to go back to Prince Sidon’s side, and the two of them followed behind King Dorephan to disappear back into the palace.

;

           With the announcements finished, the crowd began to disperse, loudly talking amongst themselves about the shocking news of not only the discovery of Prion’s lost son but also the rare addition of two new titles. Undercity Zora were absolutely ecstatic, boasting about how they were going to prepare for Prince Sidon’s tournament or the Oracle Knight’s trials as they swam back down to their homes. Uppercity Zora complained about the Undercity Zora’s excitement, confident that none of them would win against the elite class. But no matter where they were from, gossip began to flow between every Zora about the day’s new discoveries.

           Estuu watched it all from the tall rock that he was perched on. He had been listening to the announcements from this height, wanting to avoid getting smothered in the rambunctious crowd that had filled out the streets earlier.

           Admittedly, when everyone had burst into complete havoc at the announcement of Brivere being Prion’s son, Estuu had had a bit of a meltdown. He had covered his ears and whined, his tail wildly smacking against his back. King Dorephan’s loud voice had almost sent him over the edge, but his older brother’s familiar tone had brought him back.

           Estuu didn’t quite understand why his brother had looked at him like that around the end of his speech. Part of him knew that it was because the overprotective Zora was worried about him, but the other part argued that there was something else in his older brother’s gaze. But Estuu quickly shook the strange feeling off, knowing that he had something else more pressing to attend to.

           When the crowd had mostly disappeared, save for the usual residents who lingered in the streets to talk to their neighbors, Estuu carefully climbed down from the rock with his one functioning hand. He quickly scurried through the streets towards the library.

            If he made it in time, he could still rent out enough books to study for the Holy Knight trials.

[maiassensibleblog]

Privilege and Power: The role of mixed-raced people in the anti-racism movement

Disclaimer: This is an opinion piece but please do call me out on any way I’ve messed up here.

During this article, I am using mixed to describe anyone of mixed raced heritage but mainly those of us who are Black/white mixed. I will be using the term Black to describe people whose heritage is not mixed with a white ethnicity. I don’t mean this to say that mixed people cannot identify as Black but to distinguish. I love my blackness and this is a nuanced conversation.

Some background for those of you who don’t know me. I was born and raised in London. I have a white British mum. My dad is a second generation immigrant from London, whose heritage is Guyanese (the heritage of this country is incredibly interesting so please have a google if that interests you). I’m the mixed white/Black Caribbean on the diversity forms. I have 3a hair and am very much brown in terms of skin colour. I am aware that mixed folk around the world identify very differently to mixed Brits (and particularly Londoners) so please allow me to sit in my context.

I used to feel a bit lost in times like this but I’ve read and listened a lot and feel like I know where I can stand here.

The understanding of our own privilege

A definition of colourism, for those of us who are unfamiliar: Colourism is prejudice or discrimination against individuals with a dark skin tone, typically among people of the same ethnic or racial group.

The most important thing that I think we can do is acknowledge our own privilege and do so openly and generously. I say the following assuming that you understand that we suffer at the hands of racism.

Firstly I think it is important to acknowledge privilege do because we are privileged and we can’t exactly claim to be anti-racist if we don’t openly understand the ways that we benefit from white supremacy. Mixed people exist on a spectrum, so this will vary hugely between people but we are all better off than our Black counterparts, whether that be through colourism, economically (one white parent isn’t exactly hurting us) or culturally. By culturally, I mean that we are often second or third generation plus immigrants and are therefore culturally ingrained in white culture (think access to education, use of language in a way that white people approve of, even the food we eat).

I don’t think this needs to come with guilt, I think recognising privilege is incredibly productive, should alleviate guilt and make us productive within a movement. It is powerful for us to openly show that we know we are privileged because it will be seen by white people. Understanding of our own privilege is the first step in combating the problem and we (ideally) need every single white people to do that. They will see us saying that we, people you probably see as Black, benefit from white supremacy too and will not stand for it anymore. That is powerful.

We have to make colourism our problem

Calling out our own privilege is also incredibly important because mixed people perpetuate colourism. It’s something I know I’ve been doing of years without having a clue that I was. When we call for diversity and settle for the light skin offering because we see ourselves in it, we aren't doing well enough. When we accept or congratulate brands because they’ve produced products adapted to light skin blackness, we are not doing well enough. When we do not use Black owned brands because we are served just fine by the white ones, we are not doing well enough. We all do these or similar things and we must be hyper aware of it.

We also suffer from colourism and for me that’s definitely manifested as internalised racism in the past. The fear of tanning, the brightening of photos, the weird acceptance of racist microaggressions by our friends. It’s bad for us, our identity and self-esteem but it’s worse for out Black counterparts because they only ever see the suffering from it. Colourism lives within us and its got to go. We need to mop that nonsense up, do the work, read all the books and fully engage with this movement.

Our existence in Black spaces

How heavily we should be visible in black spaces is a really loaded debate and rightfully so. Exploring it fully is beyond the scope of this and I do not feel well read about to provide any actual answers. What I will say is that the rights of Black folk will never be equal until all of us are represented. Should mixed people take the place of a darker black person? No. Never ever.

Us mixed folk may feel unrepresented in Black spaces but we are overrepresented or misrepresenting Black folk in white spaces. These are separate issues. I think Black visibility in white spaces is what matters to push this progress right now. We have to be aware of this and why we are being asked into a space. We cannot take a spot away from a Black person (by all means suggest that you’d love to be there to provide a mixed perspective because that conversation needs to happen and one person cannot speak for a diverse group).

This is an incredibly nuanced conversation that I really want Black folk to engage with us in. I’ve talked about this here. I think we need to be aware that mixed inclusion in black spaces is a different issue to racism. In-fighting about it needs to happen compassionately and not in front of white folk because we’re on the same side.

The use of our privilege

Once we’ve done the work to check our own privilege, we should be excited because we have an amazing opportunity. Those ways that we benefit from white supremacy and colourism must be harnessed. We need to be using our privilege to open up conversations in spaces that Black folk may never be invited into.

We are related to people who uphold white supremacy. For some people, your blood relation will not be enough to listen to you but for many it will be. I’m sure we’ve all experienced white silence and ostracising for calling out racism within the white side of our families (this is racism btw, tell them this constantly, they’ll either start to learn or at least you’ll ruin their day). It isn’t fun for us but we do find ourselves in those spaces with very little effort. Let's use those spaces until we’re sure that every person is anti-racist. Call out microaggressions, ruin Christmas dinner.

I also think we need to make sure we equip our white relatives who are allies with resources, an understanding of their importance and a constant push to be the voice for us when the racist relatives do not think we are listening. They are also doing important work and although it isn’t our responsibility to be thankful for it, letting someone you love know that you see them is energising for both of you.

Whichever parent of yours is white must be as divisive as you when you’re not there and if they’re not already doing that, explain why they must be. Remind them that silence is violence. Decent parents aren’t going to want to do that to their kids. Make your cousin's into anti-racist spies and have them call out nonsense when your racist aunts and uncles are most relaxed in their white bubble. This is how we can mobilise into their spaces and this is a unique position.

Another thing that I think we should appreciate about ourselves is that we are able to hold conversations with just enough white-washing that people who would not usually do so, are willing to engage. We also do this with very little effort due to our cultural privilege. Look after yourselves as we will be emotionally affected by having to do this (anger, frustration, hopelessness) but we do know how to do this. Believe me, I am terrible at not getting angry and just being frank but I also know that it isn’t helpful when they’ve not even acknowledged that they have white privilege. We’ve grown up around these people before we realised that they were actually racists so we know how they speak and what they like to hear.

I think the most important thing to say is to keep the momentum going. Be relentless. Let’s make it impossible for our white family to not see our blackness but harness the white privilege we benefit from to create real progress. We all have a place in this movement and we can harness magic.

[ballbubble3-blog]

$36,000 in a week: How local news partnered to fight hunger and poverty in Philly

The belief that Philadelphia is the greatest city in the world stems from a civic pride rooted in innovation. Our reputation as a “city of firsts” spans disciplines and transcends industry.

But Philly’s position at the front of the pack isn’t always something to celebrate. Right now, a bigger percentage of our residents live in economic hardship than in any other large U.S. city, and the number of people experiencing hunger here is rising, even as it declines nationwide.

Can we harness the city’s innovative spirit and use it come up with solutions that attack these pervasive problems?

That’s what we asked with the Full City Challenge, an initiative launched this year by the Economy League of Greater Philadelphia in partnership with Billy Penn. And after seven months of planning, six weeks of applications, a daylong workshop and an exhilarating two-hour pitch party at the end of February, it’s clear the answer is a resounding “Yes!”

It took an impressive collection of Philadelphians to reach that conclusion:

Self-starters willing to envision new pathways, and put in the work to feel them out

A diverse cohort of leaders willing to volunteer time and expertise

Sponsors and individuals willing to donate actual cash and services to the cause.

Thanks to all these groups working together, the first-ever edition of the Full City Challenge mobilized $36,000 in philanthropic funds — and we’re not done yet.

$5,000 grand prize $2,650 raised on GoFundMe

When Oscar Wang began speaking, a hush came over the room. Gathered at Green Soul restaurant for the Full City Challenge main event, 120 party-goers stopped chattering and turned their heads to listen.

A recent college graduate himself, Wang stood on stage and invited the audience to consider the tale of a local student struggling with an unfortunately common choice: keep up with his studies, or maintain the fast-food job he’d taken to help his mother pay for insulin.

“Instead of having to choose between being a learner or an earner,” Wang told the crowd, “we want to create a new paradigm: the learning earner.”

HospitalityTogether can make that happen, Wang declared.

His five-minute pitch had been honed during a rapid incubator held at the University City Science Center. In a meeting room at the Quorum gathering space, Wang and his partners — restaurateur Judy Ni and admissions expert Dustin Rodgers — had examined and re-examined every inch of their proposal.

Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

The set of advisors assigned to the group included representatives from the Philadelphia Foundation, USALA radio and Wharton Social Impact. As the experts provided guidance and suggestions, the HospitalityTogether team refined their presentation on the spot.

“We gave Oscar some feedback,” marveled Phil Fitzgerald, director of grantmaking at Philadelphia Foundation, “and five minutes later he’d incorporated it into a brand new pitch.”

One week later, the refinements to the spiel — in which Wang was tasked with explaining the problem, the solution, the methodology and the outline of a pilot test program within the span of just 300 seconds — proved out their worth.

“Who is that guy?” whispered United Way chapter head and Broad Street Ministry founder Bill Golderer, taking in the scene as one of the six local food celebs on the Full City Challenge judging panel. During the post-presentation Q&A session, Golderer piled on the compliments.

“Forget about Tony Robbins,” he told Wang, comparing the young man to one of the country’s most successful marketing speakers. “You’ve got this.”

$2;500 matching prize $12,900 raised on GoFundMe

Poised speechmaking goes a long way toward convincing people that your social impact project is worth putting money into, but it isn’t everything.

That became apparent when the judges convened to pick their winner. Ensconced in Green Soul’s mezzanine private dining room while everyone else mingled downstairs, the half-dozen local food luminaries debated the qualities of the five inspirational projects they’d just been presented.

Each project had already proven itself by being designated a Full City Challenge finalist, besting dozens of other praiseworthy projects in the process.

Although the purse we dangled wasn’t all that big, we also offered the winner advice, exposure and strategic assistance in implementing a pilot.

Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

“Be sure to make that clear,” advisor Megha Kulshreshtha of Philly Food Connect had suggested in an early steering committee meeting. “List out the nontangible benefits. This is a lot more than just the $5,000.”

Good advice. Thanks to help in spreading the word — by the Broke in Philly reporting collaborative, by Economy League board members, and by others across the city — the combo of funds and assistance was enough to garner more than 30 submissions to our call for new ways to use the city’s rich food economy to lift up Philadelphia.

It wasn’t easy to narrow the field. Reviewing the contenders, we returned often to one of our original charges: that the project should rely on collaboration.

Why’d we deem that critical? There’s already a lot of good work going on in the city, so creating new cross-discipline or cross-community or cross-generational connections might be just the thing to spark fresh ideas.

Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

Perhaps none of the Full City finalists exemplified that concept better than the Rebel Market, a team comprising three organizations that had never before worked together.

“We’d heard of Siddiq [Moore, of Siddiq’s Water Ice] before,” said Rebel’s Jarrett Stein, “but this is what caused us to finally reach out.” They also tapped Tom McCusker of Honest Tom’s Taco Shop, and the trio joined forces to come up with a plan for a healthy, affordable corner store run by Philly students, for Philly students.

At Green Soul, the collaborative spirit proved infectious. Rebel’s proposal received serious consideration from the judges — and scored thousands more in GoFundMe donations over the course of the night.

Victory V Farms

$8,225 raised on GoFundMe

Philly Food Rescue

$2,750 raised on GoFundMe

Care About Restaurant Employees (CARE)

$2,875 raised on GoFundMe

Kait Moore Photography

Crowdfunding plays a growing role in modern philanthropy, and GoFundMe was an integral part of the Full City Challenge.

During the rapid incubator a week before the main event, a GoFundMe coach flew in from California and worked with each of the finalist teams to set up a campaign page. Along the way, she imparted lessons applicable to many kinds of individual fundraising. (Use lots of photos! Start by telling people you know! Set a small, attainable goal and grow it as you go!)

The resulting campaign pages, which went live the day after the workshop, provided a way for party-goers to vote in real-time: whichever team had raised the most by the end of the night would be awarded the People’s Choice prize.

But it’s not easy to convince a room full of strangers you’ve got an idea worth funding — even if you know they’ve come specifically to hear your pitch.

On stage at Green Soul, Frank Sherman of Victory V Farms struggled somewhat to give voice to the salient points he’d used multiple times before (the project already has some big money investors behind it). His loss for words notwithstanding, the idea to turn abandoned buildings into vertical farms that produce food for and employ neighborhood residents still raked in thousands of dollars on the crowdfund platform.

When it was her turn to present, Philly Food Rescue’s Victoria Della Rocca started with a wry twist on a classic Philadelphia phrase: “We the people…are hungry!”

Kait Moore Photography

As her spiked heels deftly navigated a tangle of microphone wires, Della Rocca spoke clearly and forcefully about building out a tech platform that connects volunteers with restaurants and supermarkets to solve the last-mile problem of getting fresh food to hungry Philadelphians.

“Is this about not wasting food, or about feeding those in need?” one of the judges wanted to know. “It’s about creating more dignity and access for those in need,” she replied.

Maria Campbell, the one-woman force behind CARE, got so wrapped up in explaining the issues facing the people who work in hospitality — the 130,000-plus workforce in the Philly region faces much higher rates of depression and disease than other industries — that she only made it halfway through her prepared pitch.

“Ask about her pilot program,” the judges were charged as they started their Q&A.

Philadelphia International Airport MarketPlace PHL PIDC

Green Soul University City Science Center CIC Philadelphia GoFundMe

Saxbys  Woodrow’s Sandwiches Di Bruno Bros. Pure Fare Evil Genius Beer Quaker City Shrubs

As the judges tallied scores and debated contenders’ merits, serious queries traded time with jokes ping-ponging around the table.

“I want this one because it’s gonna save me money,” said Han Dynasty proprietor Han Chiang. “But does this program replicate what’s already out there?” another judge wanted to know.

Danya Henninger / Billy Penn

On the official scoresheets, having a clearly defined pilot was given extra heavy weight for a couple of reasons.

One, it could jumpstart a test-and-learn culture, the modern business model where fast-failing ideas are viewed as useful tools. Second, the Economy League and Billy Penn only had $5,000 to offer — not enough to fund any of these projects fully, but surely enough for a small trial.

How will that trial play out for Full City Challenge grand prize winner?

Stay tuned to our coverage. You’ll get a front-row seat as we help HospitalityTogether help Philadelphia live up to its potential as the greatest city in the world.

Source: https://billypenn.com/2019/03/10/36000-in-a-week-how-local-news-partnered-to-fight-hunger-and-poverty-in-philly/

[mfmagazine]

Com Truise

Article by Andriana Albert

Photo by Com Truise

With less than a month before one of the most anticipated albums of the year drops, I got the chance to take a candid peak inside the mind of the man behind the machines, Seth Haley aka Com Truise. Find out his thoughts on chillwave, what his mom thinks of the name Com Truise, plans to incorporate a live band, touring and everything in between.  

I’ve been a fan since before my blogging days, back when you were just a baby boo going by the name Airliner, now you are cleaning up shop and taking names, and are one of the most talked about artists of the lofi/chillwave movement. How do you feel about that label? For the most part, you really have no control over how people are going to label you. It just takes on its own form. Sometimes I see people call it Dubstep, they call it whatever they want. I’m not really affected by it, I guess, too much in the sense that it’s really electronic music, down tempo, electro music. You’ve got your first tiers of music, ya know, like rock or hip hop, then you break it down, and you can go like six tiers down, and people are just creating these sub genres and all this crap, and really when you backtrack, it’s just electronic, or just it’s just rock.

It seems like most do artists hate being labeled in general, but especially with the label “Chillwave”. Why is that?   I mean, I don’t hate it, but it is kind of annoying to get like, well I guess what they see, people are labeling anything that sounds remotely, or references the 80’s, calling it chillwave or lofi, when so much of it isn’t lofi, I feel like their thinking is misconstrued, or maybe they really don’t understand the different types of music.

Most people talking about music just seem to generalize, and try to lump it all in together. How would you describe your sound? Down tempo electronic music, ha-ha, on my website I call it mid-fi, synth wave slow motion funk, which is just something kind of silly I came up with, but a lot of people pick up on that, I like just calling it synthwave really, because it’s very synthy. I don’t mind the chillwave label really, I mean it gets a bad rap in some places but my music is kinda chill. I don’t really understand why chillwave gets such a bad rap, besides the fact that so many people are trying to do it, or so many people are making music in that sort of genre that are getting labeled as it, it just seems that it’s so flush, that it’s hard for anyone to make a name for themselves, I guess I’m just super lucky that it happened that way.

You are born and raised in New York, an area that is a breeding ground for hot new artists. In your opinion, what’s the best thing about being an artist in NY...or the worst thing, whichever you prefer? Well actually, I was born in upstate New York, it’s outside the city, I guess where I came from, music was very strange. All my friends in high school were into jam bands like Dave Matthews, and I was the kid listening to the Chemical Brothers, The Prodigy, or whatever, I could never get more than maybe a couple people to listen to it, so I feel like I missed out on a lot of stuff. There were no shows going on, there was no scene, so I found it difficult to find a place to be comfortable, and express myself. I was a jock in high school.

No way. What sport did you play?

Football, wrestling, track and field.

Wow. You weren’t kidding. It’s OK; I was a cheerleader in high school.

Yeah. Coming from that background, and listening to what I do, sometimes when I step back and think about it, it really doesn’t make sense almost. One day it just clicked, and went through some phases. I was into Nine Inch Nails, and all this rock, then I was into hip hop for a while, then I just feel into electronic music. Then after a while I started to go to the things I used to listen to, I still love NIN, and I still love some hip hop. My experience in New York is hard to explain because I was by myself a lot, and that’s what drove me to make music. I stayed home a lot, all my friends would want me to come out and party and I would just want to stay at home and listen to music.

Any hobbies that don't involve music?

I like to read conspiracy theory books. Lots of Illuminati stuff. Lately, music takes up most of my time, I mean, I like sit around and drink tea but have just been so busy with music.

The name Com Truise is hilarious. I told my mom about you, and she thought it was very clever. What made you go with that name in particular?

I had two other names for the project before I settled on Com Truise. It was an accident. I was at lunch with friends from work, and we were just joking around about some kind of spoonerism, ya “Com Truise”, and “Cop Tun”, all the movies backwards, and it kind of started out as a joke, and I kind of went with it, thinking that I want to make some crazy electronic music and not care what anyone thinks, and ya you get haters, and I see people saying “awww, it’s such a dumb name, but the music is awesome”. At the same time, it’s like well...that’s my goal. I realized after the fact that it’s the best decision I’ve ever made, because people are talking about me regardless.

I think it’s hilarious, and most people appreciate it.

When I told my mom, she laughed, so now whenever I call her and tell her what’s going on, she’ll say Com Truise, or she’ll say it backwards and actually say “Tom Cruise” instead, and I’ll have to correct her. It’s funny.

You are getting ready to go on your first tour, and you're playing some festivals this summer. What can people expect from a live Com Truise show?

It’s funny because I come from being a DJ, where you just kind of stand there and play music, so figuring out how to do my music live, like reverse engineering my music I thought would be easy, but it really isn’t, when you’re just one person, and I’m standing there trying to control all these things, some of my tunes are pretty deep, I’m not the craziest keyboard player or anything like that, so to play that stuff live, while doing everything else was kind of tricky to think about. So, for the most part, I’ve been trying to work in visuals for the live show, which I won’t be able to do on the tour. I mean my show is pretty basic; it’s just loud and base-y. It’s difficult not to be just a guy standing up there with a laptop. I’d like to be so much more. In the future I’d like to incorporate a live drummer, and I would like to play the base, and do everything live, but still keep my sound the same.

Your sound has really evolved from your Airliner days, even from Cyanide Sisters to Galactic Melt. Would you say your creative process has changed between previous releases and you album that drops in July?

Yeah, it definitely has, and I feel that way too. It’s still kind of warm, but it’s cold, and it’s a little harder. I guess it’s just life, and my reflection of it, and things that were going on. I guess, just dealing with the negativity towards the name, it made me kind of angry, so I wrote some angry tunes. So many people say, “oh whatever, I don’t care”, but people do care. But now, I’m at the point where I actually don’t care, and it’s nice because I finally realized people are going to say what they want, no matter what, and that you can’t stop it, you just have to get used to it, it’s really changed my music. Every tune that I’ve written since, like everything thing that is coming out after Galactic Melt, people are going to go crazy. I’m super excited about them.

People are already going crazy. Everyone is really excited for Galactic Melt to be released. Most of the artists you've been compared to remind me of weird ass 80's commercials, like the Reese's Pieces commercial where the guy flys around in space in his Laz-e-Boy. You manage to avoid that, without completely losing the throwback feel to your sound that you’ve come to be known for. How do you do it?

When I first started with this style of music, the thought in my head was more to mirror types of production, and more the sound of the sound, for instance using the same synth, in a particular 80’s song. I wanted to use the same sounds and processes that were in the 80’s, but make them new, and make them mine. I hear so much stuff that is a direct rip from the 80’s, which is fine, I like it, but that’s not what I’m trying to do, I want to mirror the quality, the production style, just the little nuances from 80’s music that I love.

I saw that video from 80’s band The System that you posted. Really helped me understand your music a bit more, and understand where some of your inspiration comes from.

Those guys are awesome. My buddy Datassette, a producer from London, he did a mix, and one of their songs was in it. So he kind of introduced me. Then I kind stumbled down the rabbit hole into a whole plethora of weird funk music I’d never heard before. Then I learned more about the producer, David Frank, and he instantly became my favorite producer. He’s done stuff with Christina Aguilera and artists like that, so he’s still around, but ya know, I like his older stuff. I find it hard to listen to new music all the time. I’m always looking for like the oldest stuff I can find.

Let's talk about the blogosphere and social media. How has the rise of social media changed the way you promote yourself? Are you a fan of social media?

Well, that’s really how I got my start, but putting Cyanide Sisters out on Amdiscs, and their blog, All Everyone United. So at first I was like “wow, this is amazing!”, everyone just started picking it up, within a month, it was all over the place, it was crazy, it was on so many little blogs, and eventually the bigger blogs started picking it up, and would post something small. Now I see, the smaller blogs don’t post as much of my stuff, just because all the big blogs do, so I guess it’s like why would they post it? But it kind of makes me feel like I’m some sort of sell out. Social media in general is interesting. I see so many artists that don’t have a filter. They’ll just say whatever, post so much stupid stuff, and for the most part, I’m a pretty busy dude, so I’ll post up tunes that I think are cool, once in a while, but so many artists just rant, and are going for maximum exposure, which is cool, and I guess people love it, but for me, I can see the trends when I post something. So for me to constantly post, it’s not really beneficial, I try to limit myself. For the most part, people don’t really care, they’ll find what their looking for on their own terms. Social Media is a double edged sword. You can either have it work to your benefit, and control it, or have it get way out of hand, and get lost in it.

There is just so much content out there. That’s why so many social media sites are starting to create filters, and ways to narrow down your search.

I think people are starting to narrow down what they’re focusing on. Which is good. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know which blog to go to first. It’s like ‘I’ve got 700 links, which one do I go to first.’

So when I talk about artists/bands I really dig, I’m like a giddy grade school kid all over again... to put it frankly, you are my Justin Bieber, your music just does it for me. What bands/artists are your Justin Bieber? And Justin Bieber doesn’t count...

Geez...Obviously, Boards of Canada is my Justin, Justin Bieber. They are like Gods to me. I listen to a lot of ambient stuff. I like Onohtrix; I like the Games, not too keen on their new stuff. The new album and the vocals are going to have to grow on me. I like The System, and Madonna...she’s like my Justin Bieber. You can blame my mom for that.

Yeah, you’re compared to Boards of Canada quite a bit.

Yeah, which is cool, I mean I don’t mind it, but I don’t want to listen to an artist because they sound like Boards of Canada, I’m just going to listen to Boards of Canada. I want people to listen to Com Truise because I sound like Com Truise, and they like my music.

Like most things in my life, I like to keep it light, and make sure everyone is having some fun. I thought it would be fun to play the word association game. Just say the first thing that comes to mind when you hear this word: Melt- Cheese The 80's- Synthesizers Groupies- Neon Bracelets Lady Gaga- Meat Chillwave- Neon Indian Hipster- Brooklyn Bit Torrent- Movies Buzz band- Hipster Runoff     Finish this sentence: If the moon were made out of cheese, I would…Melt My drink of choice is…Coffee At night when I'm trying to fall asleep, I'm thinking about...The past When I was little, I wanted to be...A construction truck driver

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 67: The Dark Mark

Regulus was used to landing in the absolute silence by now, only the sounds of his companions groaning and shuffling back to their feet. Wherever they were was dimly lit, with a soft green hue barely enough to discern the closely packed trees surrounding their little clearing. Otherwise, there were no birds chirping, hardly a breeze blowing about, no hint of a presence beyond.

Yet when he heard Smith scream, his first instinct was still to look around for the danger, until he actually spotted her looking up.

He'd swear his heart stopped in his chest, he felt like he may as well be looking into another mirror that could show his future. The Dark Mark hung above them in all its glory.

"What, what is it?" Evans hissed, backing to the far edge of the clearing, looking from the symbol to Alice like she expected all of us to start sprouting extra heads.

No one seemed to want to be the one to tell her, all eyes still fixated on the skulls bottomless depth, the snake entwined through every thought he'd ever had. He knew he couldn't form the words as his throat kept convulsing.

"It's the Dark Mark," Potter finally got out, breaking his gaze away but talking more to her shoes. "It's, You-Know-Who's symbol, it means someone's died."

Regulus felt more than saw as everyone then began inspecting the ground instead, as if waiting for the dead body to appear. They'd once landed in the same spot as a deceased unicorn, would they for a person as well?

"Harry?" She asked of no one.

Potter could only swallow in answer, and now everyone was scanning the ground for the book to give an answer. He did seem the most likely, and some very small horrible part of each of them almost hoped it to be true. Maybe, if this was how Harry died, they would finally be free of this madness casting them about and get back to their time, their life.

No one got a chance to do anything else though as Sirius launched himself at his once friend and socked him clean in the nose.

Peter hit the ground, blood pouring down his face once more, except now from broken cartilage in the center of his face rather than his ear.

"Sirius!"

"Padfoot, mate what the hell-"

"If you killed him too, I swear I'll-" The elder Black fought like crazy to get Lupin off of him again, Potter scrambling in between them desperately. It was so like the last time, right before Lupin had transformed, Frank couldn't help to back even farther away in fright, glancing up at the sky once more, trying to see past the deadly skull and snake to wherever the moon might be.

Alice dithered on the spot, as if she wanted to help but didn't know who. Evans drew her wand but seemed unclear who to point it at. Regulus didn't even hesitate and darted to Peter's side, offering him a hand up, and letting out a sigh of relief when Peter took it.

He may have staggered to his feet, but did nothing more. He didn't draw his wand to defend himself, or fix his now clearly broken and swelling nose, he just clasped his arms in front of him and cringed in place, as if prepared to take whatever blow came next.

"Sirius! Sirius stop!"

He didn't seem capable of even listening to Prongs anymore, he fought out of the arms pinning him like a madman, unable to see or hear anything but James screaming and the green light dousing everything around them. Then his own face exploded with pain.

"Oi!"

"I am not holding him back so you can-"

Regulus drew his wand and pressed it against the pulse in his older brothers neck. He didn't care Potter shoved him back away or that Lupin now looked likely to let Sirius go and throw a punch himself, all he saw was that he finally had Sirius Black's irrevocable attention.

He spat a bit of blood onto the ground, and against all odds an almost cocky grin slipped into place. "Well look at you, throwing a Muggle blow. Didn't think you had it in you."

Regulus had known exactly what he was doing, and didn't let himself be distracted as he flicked his wand to where he wanted him to see. "Look at him Sirius, really look at him."

He instead busied himself by wincing and pulling at his nose as if to fix it back into place, Lupin and Potter stood at his shoulders ready for whatever came next. Regulus was not backing down, he was tired of second guessing himself.

"Regulus, please don't-"

but Regulus spoke louder, stamping his foot and demanding attention. "How can you lecture me on the decisions of my life, dare call them your friends, when you're just as much of a two-faced, back-stabbing, arse!"

His chest was heaving by the end, but it felt like he'd finally thrown a brick from his chest getting all of that out. He stood waiting for Sirius to hit him, yell at him, something. Instead Sirius' sharp gray eyes wavered from him, he finally dared to look where he'd refused before. He tried to turn away just as quickly again, but everything was still swathed in a green light he'd always hated so much.

The air caught in his throat, his eyes stung. If he looked at him for too long all he'd see was his own mistakes seeping into others all over again. It's not like it was hard to imagine what he could have done to Peter in the future to cause him to get James killed...which meant he was the one to-

Turning sharply away, he went as far as he could from the others, mentally begging anyone from following him, not trusting his voice to say it regardless. His foot crunched over something along the way and he didn't even pause to see what.

Potter and Lupin exchanged a wordless look before Lupin took after him once more. The two were just visible in the verdant gloom. Potter just looked desperately between the two and Peter, who was looking after Sirius as well longingly. He'd seen something on his face, there for just a second, but wasn't even sure what to make of it. It certainly wasn't the all-consuming hatred he'd been expecting. Not able to look at anyone else now, he finally quietly summoned the book to him. It came shooting to his hand from a nearby tree, and he read the almost predictable chapter title now.

Regulus for his part was left fuming in place, even if he still did feel just slightly better for finally getting to fully say his piece. He didn't know what was going to happen next, but he liked to think this was a step in the right direction.

Frank, Lily, and Alice all felt like spectators at the most awkward show imaginable. They had no stakes in this recurring bomb of a life. Well, Lily supposed she should, as she watched Potter bend down and pick up whatever Black had stepped on.

Pettigrew was reading quietly but swiftly, before they knew it the peace of the game in the book was as much a thing of the past as it had been the moment they'd landed here. The kids were running for their lives, a Muggle family was being put on a grotesque display. The closer she looked, she saw the way Pettigrew's skin turned sallow as he described it all happening, how sick he looked at the thought that really could be him one day. She watched Potter's hand close convulsively over what appeared to be a toy, a little Quidditch player with its arm popped out of socket.

Now Harry's wand was missing, and he was possibly running for his life. She couldn't get it out of her head, that the Death Eater's were going to catch up to him and end his life. She chanced a glance towards Black and Lupin, standing as close to each other as they could, gazes unwillingly fixed back on the book just like everyone else's. It had amazed her, among other things, how all four of them had almost instantly accepted this future and begun talking about Potter's kid as some inevitable thing to be.

She was only just catching up, she was sixteen for crying out loud! If she ever fantasized about having kids, it certainly wasn't with Potter! She couldn't even pretend to deny it anymore, her heart clenched with painful worry as a boy who was to be her son was separated even farther, now it was only him and his two friends alone with a threat out here.

A nightmare she never even knew she could have seemed about to come to life before her ears, she staggered back in fear even as she drew her wand for a protection that wasn't her own, despite no threat appearing. Harry was surrounded, and she wanted to help him.

Peter Pettigrew's voice shook, he stammered for a few more painful moments before looking to James Potter for what to do, still a source of comfort. Only the steady look of worry for his boy remained as he finally read it out, and there was a tiny break of relief it was only stunners sent his way. Then, a more stable breath of fresh air, as it turned out to be the Ministry coming to call for whichever Death Eater had sent up the signal instead of the opposite.

What happened next was a madhouse, and yet somehow still easier to take in stride as a house-elf was accused of these crimes and a high-end official of the Ministry Winky belonged to seemed to take control of the mess. Harry's wand having done it all was the only piece she latched onto. When had this shift occurred? At what point had she finally allowed herself to admit she was worried about this kid- her kid?

As Arthur Weasley explained in more detail what exactly had happened, and Hermione mentioned she'd know because of a book, it occurred to Lily to think of this backwards. What Harry would think of her if he'd seen how she'd been acting towards him all this time. She glanced helplessly at Alice and Frank, who were standing in each other's arms for comfort.

If Severus had been here, would she be doing the same? Seeking comfort in familiarity? Through every step of this she'd clung to her current life without admitting it may well be her past.

[ineedrelationshipadvice]

My sister(18y) has a really toxic relationship with a guy, she called it toxic too. They're not together but they keep hooking up because she can't let go of him but he doesn't even want to be in a relationship with her. Her bday is coming up and she's having a sleepover, he's coming and wants to stay in her bed and she's letting him. My mom won't be home so she won't know that's happening but I do. I don't want her to have sex with this guy cause I'll be in the room next to her! What do I do??

So you have a few options here. None are particularly pleasant, so regardless of what you end up doing, you'll likely be having to have an uncomfortable interaction. So this is more of an experience of "pick your poison."

Firstly, you can be a rat. You can tell your parents that this is the intention; that your sister is inviting this guy over, and they are romantic. You can leave out details obviously, but you can explain what's going on so your parents can take action as they see fit. They're the adults after all, and they're best able to make these decisions as they see fit. Their house, their rules, and all that. This would obviously no doubt make your sister incredibly unhappy, and get her into quite a bit of trouble. But this is knowledge that you have, and your parents don't, and if you really want to prevent them from hooking up, that is one method. Just understand that making this decision will no doubt bring with it a whole lot of long-term complications between you and your sister.

Your next option is just pleading with her. Explaining to her all that you've said to me, and really try emphasizing to her that you don't think this guy is any good for her, and that her continuing to hook up with this guy is actively making her more unhappy over time, even if she doesn't realize it. This is basically taking an intervention with her. And I'll be frank, I'm doubtful that this would even work. The fact that she is actively expressing that her relationship is toxic, and then going on to continue doing what she's doing with that knowledge, shows to me that she's accepted the large majority of her circumstance, and is pursuing these sexual relations for either vapid reasons, lonely reasons, or just out of silliness/immaturity, which we're all guilty of sometimes. But because she seems to be fully aware of the problematic elements in associating with this guy, I am simply doubtful that even if you told her - and even if she respectfully heard you out - that she would change her mind very much at the end of the day.

Your final option is the selfish option. And although I try to stay unbiased when I give advice here, if I were in your situation, this is probably the option that I would personally choose regarding this sort of situation. That is this: define your own limits. Your sister wants to bring a person - someone who you likely don't enjoy to much, and someone you have a negative opinion toward - into YOUR house, where she's going to be having sex directly next to you (most likely). At worst, I mean, who wants to hear their sibling banging? Pretty much nobody without some VERY weird fetishes. And at best, him spending the night and them banging is going to mess up your precious sleep, and c'mon, her getting laid is NOT worth that. So set your ground rules. If she wants him to spend the night, there's no shame in that. But let her know what WOULD make you uncomfortable. "I don't really want him to spend the night at our house. But if you really want him to, no sex in the house. Do it somewhere else, I don't want to hear it or even think about it." That's a very reasonable, rational thing to request, and if she's really so stubborn as to not respect your basic feelings, then you have a MUCH bigger problem on your hands. Think about other stuff that might bug you too. One of my exes had a rule for people who her roomies were hooking up with: CLOTHING ON OUTSIDE OF THE BEDROOM. She didn't mind the sex, and didn't mind them being over, but she did not want to see anybody in their undies, because she was just the modest type. Is that something that would bother you? Anything else that could potentially bother you? Tell her upfront here and now!

Another option is just straight up telling her that you don't want her to invite him over. "I'm sorry, I just really don't want him being here. Is there any alternative to this? I understand you want to hook up with him, but can't you just go spend the night at his house or something?" If you don't want her weird, toxic fling at your house, that's a perfectly valid thing to want. She may not respect that or agree to that term, but at least verbalizing your complaint has its own value.

Regardless of which choice you choose though, as you know doubt have read through these, all of these are a little awkward. The whole situation is awkward, frankly. And there's not much getting around that. But I think that whichever one of these suggestions you resonated with best, you should try to express those feelings to your sister ASAP before her birthday. You obviously care about your sister and her well-being, but that also doesn't mean you have to deal with her dumb decisions or her relationship/sex drama. Express that! Use your words and hope she listens, at the very least.

Worst case scenario? She doesn't give a shit what you say, and brings him over anyway. What to do if this happens? MAKE PLANS. Try to link up with a friend and see if you can spend the night at their house (quarantine permitting) so that you don't have to be anywhere near that mess.

[ecotone99]

[SP] Pathetic

I've been staring at the TV for the past hour.

Not unusual... In usual times.

The TV's off. It's been off for the past five days, yet I still seem quite content to lounge and stare absent-mindedly at my distorted reflection on the black screen.

I'm glad I can't make anything distinct out... I reckon I'd look as bad as I feel. Ever since the announcement came things have changed.

It was a Sunday night and I was adhering to my tradition of drinking a box of wine and lamenting on how my life at the age of twenty-seven had devolved into a slow, meandering existence. You know, millennial bullshit.

As I was glugging down my fourth, but certainly not my last glass of vino, I was distracted when the TV almost fucking killed me. The speakers must have been blown out by the racket that thundered in. I must have looked a picture; those last drops of wine from the glass caught in my throat and I flapped around like a whale at sea-world desperate to be put out of its misery.

When I regained my composure and assured myself I'd never gain any respect, I stared at the TV which had finally shut up. Now a black screen was dominated by big bold letters -

STAY CALM - A MESSAGE FOR THE NATION INCOMING

What. The. Fuck.

Phone. Contacts. Mum.

Of course she didn't answer. I can picture it now; she's sat in bed, some true-crime documentary playing on the TV, and he'll be lying next to her. When her phone wakes up and my picture appears he'll stare at my mum and give her the it's late honey, we don't have the time to deal with her right now look. She'll return with the Thank god you said it, now I can at least pretend I was coerced into ignoring my only daughter, you're just the best Jimmy, I'm so glad I got married to you and threw that little shit out of our home so we can fuck with the doors open look.

That's it. That's my only point of contact. I felt pathetic at that point. As in, I truly understood what the feeling of pathetic was; there's a physical drop in your stomach and shivers run down your back...you become hot and an overwhelming sense of vulnerability hits you in the core. You could say that wasn't the best feeling to be overcome with as the TV emitted another assault to my eardrums.

The sound dissapated again and this time a voice replaced it almost immediately. It was the voice I had been expecting as soon as I saw the first message. Our great and glorious President.

My fellow Americans. It is with a heavy heart I speak to you tonight. Firstly I am very sorry for interrupting your Sunday evening, I'm sure many of you are quite afraid and concerned right now. I'd love to be able to tell you that there's no reason to worry, but I'm afraid I simply can't...

Phone. Recently Called. Mum

The United States today received information regarding an unprecedented and immovable obstacle to the continuation of not only our own existence, but that of every living thing on our planet...

Call was rejected again. I bet he slapped it out of her hand that time. No way would she ignore me, she must have been watching this as well?

There is an asteroid roughly twelve miles in diamater on a collision course with Earth. Projections are that it will strike us in seven days and the impact will result in the total annihilation of us and our home...

You go through the motions of acceptance incredibly quickly. It's not a drawn out process. I'll explain how mine happened -

Bullshit. He's the president of the United States of America addressing the entire nation. Okay, this is serious.

I know this is quite a shock. I presume many of you are wondering why I am being so open and frank about this. Well... I guess there's no more contingency plans or exit strategies to care about any more. It was important enough that I have decided, against the wishes of my advisors, to tell you the truth and allow you to go out in whichever way you feel is right and justified. I leave you with only one request - depart this world showcasing the best of humanity. Put our compassion, dignity and honour on a pedestal and let us move onto the next great adventure proud. Good luck to you all. Goodnight America

Then it was over. The screen flipped back to my original programming. I can't work out if Kim Kardashian was a vacuous waste of air and cells before or after I realised my world was over and nothing I ever did or dreamed about mattered anymore. Probably before, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

The sound of my phone ringing came at me like it was trapped down a well, far off in the distance. I picked it up and my heart did one of this slight jumps when you get excited.

Mum. I'm scared

It's not your mother, it's Jimmy.

oh...

Look I'm calling to tell you me and your mother have decided to take off. I can't explain and to be honest, I won't. I'm sure you've just heard the president.

Erm okay. Well... Where should I meet you?

Meet us? What are you talking about!

Meet you so we can all be together obviously!

I think you've misunderstood this whole situation. I'm not surprised, you never where very bright... Look. You're not coming with. I called to make sure you didn't come running down here and waste your time. Just stay away from us.

Go fuck yourself Jimmy, put my mum on now!

Your mother doesn't want to speak to you. This has been coming a long time if I'm honest. How could you not see it? The heartache and trauma you have caused that poor woman. You should have the deceny to respect her last wishes and stay away. Don't you dare cause your mother any more heartbreak

I'll hear that from her you teet suckling leach

Then it happened. From somewhere in the background I heard her voice.

Just go away Kate! Jimmy has spoken for the both of us

I like to think she was sat at the dresser table at the side of the bed. Cigarette in hand and her mascara running down her face. Shaking so bad she couldn't get a proper drag and staring vehemently at Jimmy, who had forced her to lose all sense of humanity and compassion.

But it's more likely that OJ is innocent and Twilight is actually a good film if you look at it's artistic merits.

No, she would have been sat at that dresser, ensuring the phone was on loudspeaker and mouthing instructions to Jimmy, getting more perplexed and angry every time I spoke.

But... Mum, please I'm scared

This is where she would have inhaled deep and arched back ready to deliver her knockout punch. Jimmy would have slunk away from the phone, knowing his work was done and he can stand in the shadows and watch the emancipation in peace.

You listen here and you listen good. The last we spoke I told you I'd reached the end of the road. There were no more chances. I cannot go through this anymore and now with all this shit going on... We deserve to have some peace at the end Kate. Please understand, it's not because we don't love you. It's because we can't fucking stand you.

Oh please, you talk as if I killed someone mum! Im sorry I didn't turn out perfect like you wanted-

The phone cut off. She actually cut me off from her reality with the click of button. It wasn't even a click...a lazy moment of the finger and that's it... I'm gone from their lives.

Like millions of others, I cried myself to sleep that night. First it was pity, then anger and then... Just to get it all out. Once sleep came and I woke the next day, I'd accepted it.

The World of course went insane. For the first couple of days we had the news and social media to keep us informed of everything. The riots. The crime. The depravity. So much for humanity. But then, all that stopped as well.

It only takes two days for the World to just stop. Once every single person suddenly just doesn't give a shit... Its all done. Electricity went - no more lights, no more warmth. Thankfully I'd spent wisely as an introvert. I had a deluxe weighted duvet with special microfibres that retain your body heat. God praises those who late-night drunk shop.

You could also live off my supply of ramen noodles and cherry bakewells for a considerable amount of time, so I wasn't concerned with starving. I didn't have much of an appetite anyway. Finally, my brain decides food is no good when getting healthy is the least important factor in my life.

I know other people are with their families. Well, people who aren't rioting or going around unleashing their inner monster, just because they can. I've got a picture in my head of how I think the perfect family are holding up right now.

There's a mum. A dad. A son and a daughter. Their all grouped together in the living room, sitting in front of a massive open hearth fire playing monopoly and drinking hot chocolate. There's a Christmas tree as well, just for the sake of ensuring this cliché rings as true as possible.

The dad rolls a double and fist bumps the air.

"Oh Ronald... You did it again you lucky man," the mum croons whilst stroking his fringe to the side. He beams. The daughter crosses her arms and huffs.

"Not fair!" she says and scowls. Her brother puts his arm around her and leans his head on the side of hers.

"Now, now Lucy... Don't worry, I won't let daddy hurt you,"

The mum suddenly becomes stiff and looks at her son.

"What do you mean by hurt, Blake?" she asks, her voice a bit shaky.

The son looks at his dad who, pale as a ghost now tries to roll again.

"Nothing honey, I'm sure nothing at all. Come on I passed GO!"

The mum looks now at her daughter who is looking at the ground, shooting nervous glances at her dad. Blake is messing with the corner of the board, avoiding eye contact.

"Ronnie... What's going on?" she says now standing up warily. Another round of glances and finally it dawns on her.

"No...no...NO!"

I can't even pretend to know what a perfect family is. My mind so broken and ill from a lifetime of... Life.

Not a single person from my past has phoned me. Well they didn't when the battery was still working. I'll lie to myself until the end - they've probably been ringing non-stop since it went dead.

I'm alone. So utterly alone. And it's the end of the world.

I'm going to die in a couple of days and the only feeling that comes to me now as I sit here staring back at my shadowy image on that black screen mirror is - pathetic.

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[ricardosousalemos]

Green Day: Dookie

When he was 10 years old, long before he sang about masturbation losing its fun, Billie Joe Armstrong lost himself in music. His father had just died of cancer, and in Rodeo, Calif., a smallish East Bay suburb next to an oil refinery, Armstrong retreated into MTV, the Beatles, Van Halen, and a Stratocaster knock-off he nicknamed Blue. He grew close to schoolmate Michael Pritchard, who had his own family grief and who introduced Armstrong to British heavy metal giants like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden. Pritchard later earned the sobriquet Mike Dirnt, for his constant dirnting on bass guitar.

In high school, Armstrong and Dirnt smoked pot and played in a band called Sweet Children, finding their tribe in a tiny clique of DIY punks. By 1988, Sweet Children had their first gig at 924 Gilman Street, the Berkeley punk mecca opened the previous year by Maximumrocknroll zine founder Tim Yohannan, and Armstrong told his waitress mother he wouldn’t be graduating. Sweet Children signed to Lookout Records!, changed their name to Green Day, and put out a pair of rough but promising EPs. They brought in Frank “Tré Cool” Wright, a drummer known equally for his musicianship and his mischievousness, and with their sharply improved LP Kerplunk!, Green Day arrived.

As Kerplunk! landed on shelves in December 1991, Nirvana’s Nevermind zoomed to the top of the album charts. A band with Green Day’s momentum and punk pedigree was obvious bait for the major labels. Still, it was Armstrong’s voice, sneering and congested, that initially put one A&R exec off of Green Day’s demo. Luckily, he passed it to his producing partner, Rob Cavallo, whose father had been Prince’s manager circa Purple Rain and who, despite signing respected L.A. pop-punks the Muffs, was sorely in need of a hit.

He found one. Co-produced by Cavallo and the band themselves, Green Day’s Dookie was released on February 1, 1994. To date, the band’s Warner/Reprise debut has sold more than 16 million copies worldwide. Most of those album buyers probably know nothing about its makers’ humble origins. But that story helps to explain the unique series of balances, between showmanship and disaffection, dogmatic punk ideals and romantic stadium dreams, sweetness and scatology, partying and pain, that have turned Dookie into one of the greatest teenage wasteland albums of any generation. Armstrong’s Dookie guitar? His childhood’s trusty old Blue.

What set Dookie apart from the grunge rock bellowers of its day was Armstrong’s voice, foggy and vaguely unplaceable. “I’m an American guy faking an English accent faking an American accent,” he teased at the time. Though Armstrong’s tone was bratty, his phrasing had that lackadaisical quality that left room for listeners to fill in their own interpretations. On Dookie, Armstrong channeled a lifetime of songcraft obsession into buzzing, hook-crammed tracks that acted like they didn’t give a shit—fashionably then, but also appealingly for the 12-year-old spirit within us all. Maybe they worked so well because, on a compositional and emotional level, they were actually gravely serious. Sometimes singing about the serious stuff in your life—desire, anxiety, identity—feels a lot more weightless done against the backdrop of a dogshit-bombarded illustration of your hometown by East Bay punk fixture Richie Bucher.

“Longview,” Dookie’s outstanding first single, smacks of the most extreme disengagement: a title taken from Longview, Washington, where it happened to be played live for the first time; a loping bass line supposedly concocted while Dirnt was tripping on acid; and a theme of shrugging boredom that placed it in the ne’er-do-well pantheon next to “Slack Motherfucker” to “Loser.” Adolescent interest may always be piqued by lyrical references to drugs and jerking off, the way a 5-year-old mainly laughs at the Calvin and Hobbes panels where Calvin is naked or calling Hobbes an “idiot.” But as beer-raising alt-rock goes, this is also exceptionally bleak, with the narrator’s couch-locked wank session transforming into a self-imposed prison where Armstrong semi-decipherably sings, per the liner notes, “You’re fucking breaking.” No motivation? For a high-school dropout hoping to succeed in music, that mental hell sounds like plenty of motivation.

The other singles mix Armstrong’s burgeoning songwriting chops with deceptively lighthearted takes on deeper topics. The opening line, “Do you have the time/To listen to me whine?” is endlessly quotable, but the self-mocking stoner paranoia of the irresistible “Basket Case” was inspired by Armstrong’s anxiety attacks. As late as 1992, Armstrong still had no fixed address, and “Welcome to Paradise” reaches back to those nights crashing at dodgy West Oakland warehouse spaces. It also brashly embodies punk’s trash-is-treasure aesthetic at its most American. But the closest Armstrong came to a pop standard, one that any guitarist who knows four power chords can play at a home and a more established star could likely have made an even bigger hit, was the midtempo “When I Come Around”—a smoldering devotion to the then-estranged lover who would become the mother of Armstrong’s two children. They’re still married.

Elsewhere, the bouncy, brief “Coming Clean” is from the perspective of a confused 17-year-old, uncovering secrets about manhood that his parents can’t fathom; Armstrong has forthrightly related the song to his own youthful questions about bisexuality. “Seventeen and coming clean for the first time/I finally figured out myself for the time,” he declares, in one particularly sublime bit of wordcraft. Teenage angst pays off well: Now he was bored and almost 22. Likewise, the rest of the album tracks often further showed what an accomplished songwriter Armstrong had become. “I declare I don’t care no more,” from breakneck slacker anthem “Burnout,” would be a classic first opener on any album, even though by now we know it contains an element of false bravado. The contrasts that made up the band’s identity also helped elevate Dookie above its shitty name, couching anti-social childishness in whip-smart melodic and lyrical turns. When, on the last proper track, the nuke-invoking “F.O.D.” (short for “fuck off and die”), Armstrong vents, “It’s real and it’s been fun/But was it all real fun,” it’s his Dookie-era way of saying he hopes you had the time of your life.   

Critics have been kind to Dookie, but not overwhelmingly so. It’s tempting to wonder how many of these lyrics could’ve been influenced by Robert Christgau’s two-word, two-star Village Voice review of Kerplunk!: “Beats masturbation.” Still, he gave Dookie an A-, and the album made it onto the Voice’s 1994 Pazz & Jop year-end critics’ poll at No. 12. But the backlash against Green Day in the pages of Maximumrocknroll was real and visceral. The June 1994 cover showed a man holding a gun in his mouth with the words, “Major labels: some of your friends are already this fucked,” with Yohannan sniffing inside, “I thought it was oh so touching that MTV decided to interrupt playing Green Day videos to overwhelm us with Nirvana videos on the day of Kobain’s [sic] death.” At Gilman, where major label acts were banned, graffiti on the wall proclaimed, “Billie Joe must die.” So it’s an album many people adore, but like loving the Beatles, proclaiming your adoration for it doesn’t necessarily win you any special recognition. Oh, you were in seventh grade and learned every word of a Green Day album? Duh.

Time has worked on Dookie in strange ways. Most blatantly, the post-grunge alt boom allowed an album like this to exist in the first place. Green Day were masters at pulling stoner humor out of malaise, and that is what the so-called alternative nation needed. One of Dookie’s great light-hearted touches, the image of Ernie from “Sesame Street” on the back cover, has been airbrushed away from later physical editions, ostensibly due to legal concerns. Among the many things streaming has ruined was the old ’90s trick of including hidden tracks on the album buried without notice at the end of the CD, so all digital releases treat Tré Cool’s novelty goof “All By Myself” as its own proper track. The unfortunate “Having a Blast,” about wanting to lash out with a suicide bombing, is understandably absent from most recent Green Day setlists.

Then again, so many of the fights that Dookie started have happily become moot. In 2015, Green Day played their first show at Gilman in 22 years. Whichever Maximumrocknroll readers were mad at Green Day for trying to make it out of their working-class suburban beginnings probably have more adult worries today (the zine, however, hasn’t forgotten). Though Green Day never quite embraced the term pop-punk and certainly didn’t invent it, they were pegged as its popularizers; you could hear their echoes several years ago in records like Wavves’ King of the Beach, but younger pop-punk torchbearers like Joyce Manor, Modern Baseball, or You Blew It! have been more likely to name-check the more tightly genre-fitting Blink-182. In interviews, Armstrong still claims the “punk” mantle, but over the years Green Day emerged as a classic arena-rock band, noted for their pyrotechnics.

These days, Armstrong knows how to fire up crowds by promising them they’ll have a good time. Fans are brought up on stage every night to take their instruments and play a song. A T-shirt cannon is somehow involved. Green Day have matured in all the ways the biggest bands usually mature, and that’s their right. Immature but crafty, punk but pop, American pretending to be English pretending to be, well, whatever, Dookie-era Green Day were, for a time, in a class alone. Call them pathetic, call them what you will. They were all by themselves, and everyone was looking.