#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends

[inkskinned]

it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

[texanredrose]

Hey there ! Apparently you like video-games (or at least Smash), so what's your favourite one ?

Hookay, so… I know this is going to get long, so adding a Read More, but the short answer is: I don’t have a clear cut favorite, but some of my favorites include such well known properties as Mass Effect and lesser known ones like Sudeki. I’m not some gaming guru but I definitely have some Opinions™ about video games.

Favorite First Person Shooter: Halo: Reach. Generally, I don’t ask for much in my FPS; let me kill shit and the less I have to reload, the better. However, Halo: Reach, being at the time the 4th game in the franchise that served as the prequel to the entire series, provided an excellent story with great characters and an underlying message about the indomitable human soul.

Favorite Real Time Strategy: Halo Wars. Okay, yes, another entry from the same franchise, but!!! This one also has some fantastic characters and a great storyline, even if it’s… somewhat confusing when considering the bigger narrative (Halo in general is just messy af and retconned-but-not all to hell anyway). Still, it’s a fun, mostly intuitive RTS, which is notoriously difficult on consoles.

Favorite Horror Game: Resident Evil. Listen, this game came out when I was seven, and my Uncle let me play it to fuck with me. Nothing will be scary than those early PS1 graphics, the loading screen a constant tease of ‘what’s behind this door? Is it death? It’s probably death!’ that got me good. Fear Factor comes a close second, as though it wasn’t much of a horror game, the game mechanic of your character’s rising stress level kept me on the fucking edge.

Favorite Final Fantasy: Final Fantasy X. Listen. I don’t care how awkward Tidus’ laugh was. I don’t even mind how passive Yuna was. Blitzball was amazing and I have forgiven all sins. No, seriously, I loved the cast in FFX, much like other FF games, and Seymour was a villain I enjoyed hating with every fiber of my being, and even some of the mini games were fun, too. But Blitzball could’ve been a standalone game and I would’ve bought it. Still would.

Favorite JRPG: Sudeki. If you didn’t get a chance to play this on the original XBOX, you missed out. The characters were fun, if a bit goofy, and the high fantasy mixed with science fiction was a nice touch. What really sold me, though, was the AI. Not only could you switch between different available characters in the middle of a fight- very easily and very intuitively- but the AI actually behaved very well, saving my ass more than a time or two. In most games, AI are either cannon fodder, immortal, or require close attention/precise manipulation of their preset actions. Not in Sudeki; some fights, I could actually stand back and let my party do their work, and that was immensely gratifying. Yeah, the ending was a bit of a let down, but it didn’t erase how much fun I had with the rest of the game.

Favorite Super Smash Brothers: Super Smash Brothers Melee. Don’t get me wrong, I love a lot of the elements in the sequels but SSBM was the version I played most heavily with friends, so I have the most fond memories of it. Plus, it was before they changed Link’s moveset, which I’m still high key upset about. (I don’t like the new bombs or his new down attack.)

Favorite Series: Mass Effect. Now, one might expect Halo to be my favorite series, seeing as two of the games are some of my all time favorites, but… nah. When you take out the multiplayer element, the Halo games didn’t have much left. Yes, they had a galaxy spanning conflict with twists and turns but, honestly, Mass Effect did it better, with better world building and exploration, and a lot of interactive features that I enjoyed. From what I played of Andromeda, (long after it released, so no weird bugs yet), it continued to build on the foundation of the original trilogy, though I would’ve preferred to stay in the Milky Way, and Ryder can’t hold a candle to Shepard. Still, even what issues I have with the series (LET ME ROMANCE KROGANS, DAMNIT) don’t detract from the excellent story, fun gameplay, and intriguing mystery.

Favorite Elder Scrolls: … okay, I actually don’t like any of them, tbh. And??? I’m not sure why??? I actively can’t stand Skyrim.

Favorite Soulsborne: There is only Dark Souls, and it’s the pinnacle of ‘I don’t need my brain for this’ for me. It’s just… run around and kill things. Nothing matters. I think the main difference between this and Skyrim is the way the player character moves. ES games look so… silly. At least Dark Souls looks silly for a reason.

Favorite Sports Game: NCAA 2007. I’d rather play as a college team than a professional one. Although, NFL Blitz comes a very close second, purely because it gave no fucks and only barely qualifies as a sports game.

Favorite ‘Oh Fuck’ Game: It’s a tie between Minecraft and ARK: Survival Evolved. And you’re asking ‘how are those two in the same category’ and the answer is ‘because the only difference between the two for me is, which is going to kill me, lava or a raptor?’ and don’t ask how I die to these two things with equal frequency. More to the point, I usually play these games with friends, and thus my ‘oh fuck’ moments are witnessed by others, or I witness their ‘oh fuck’ moments. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re sad, but they leave an impact and, hey, that’s fucking impressive.

Favorite Pokemon Game: Blue Version. Yeah, it’s a bit of a cop out, but the original game I got back when Pokemon first came over to the States actually taught me a life lesson: that it is possible to play a game wrong, which is what I was doing. So, I started over, and I was much happier for it! No matter what features are added to the franchise, I don’t think I’ll ever gain such an important life lesson from one again, so it’s gonna stay at the top of the list.

Favorite Chill Game: Any Harvest Moon. Let me tend my farm. (I haven’t had a chance to play Stardew Valley, which is basically Harvest Moon but gay, so that’ll probably take the top spot once I get a chance to play it.)

Favorite Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Although there are some aspects of Majora’s Mask I liked better, OoT had fishing. Yes, that’s honestly my favorite part of the game. I love fishing in video games. Don’t judge me.

Favorite Team Game: Overwatch. Love the character designs and gameplay. Witch!Mercy still owns my soul.

Favorite Battle Royale: Apex Legends. For some reason, one of the few ‘competitive’ games that doesn’t spark my frustration when I lose. Dunno why, it’s just fun. Lightning rounds are great, too!

Favorite Hack-n-Slash: Brutal Legends. Heavy metal, axes, and guitars- everything from the aesthetic to the gameplay is fun and the story is interesting as well. The RTS portion can get a bit annoying but, other than that, no complaints here.

Favorite Fable: Fable III. I endorse any game that allows me to woo as many people as I can find who are attracted to me. Let me have as many spouses as I want, one in each city. I will marry half the kingdom, damnit, just watch me. 

Those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I know I’m missing some but I’ve sunk perhaps hundreds of hours into the games listed, so, yeah.

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon FireRed Nuzlocke [Part 12]

Can we beat the game using Nuzlocke rules and only battling against trainers?

The current answer is leaning towards no. Still, we shan’t give up or in.

Four badges in. Next stop?

Uh. Haven’t decided yet.

So things did not go what I would call according to plan with the Grimer. Ideally, it would have been a higher level than 30. It wouldn’t need me to hold its hand through a bunch of leveling. It would immediately be an asset. Life would be beautiful. Nothing would hurt.

Only it’s level 30.

I have a Ground, Water, Electric, and Normal Type in rotation. Grass has historically been a problem, but it is much less of a problem with a Snorlax. Oak isn’t always the most useful, but he’ll be receiving a huge power boost come Surf collection.

Bark and Trunk are going to be wanting all the Attack EVs I can feed them. Sap is going to want Attack as well. And HP.

Its move pool is a huge plus, and I would be happy to have it available, but to make it available, a lot of switch training would have to happen. When Sprinkle went through that, experience gain dropped to a slow crawl. Sprinkle was only level 25, and at an even later stage in the game, but the approach taken with this round was intended to be geared towards a minimum of pokemon.

Other things to consider would be that in the first run, I lost two pokemon, and a lot of work went into making up for that. The two runs can’t be compared fairly with what levels to expect further down the road. ...I. think.

By the first Elite Four fight, Po was level 46. My highest level pokemon was 49.

It did not go well.

I need this one to go better.

Does it go better with Sap, or does it go better with maxing the heck out of the other four.

I really, really want to use Sap.

Having a status-reliant choice instead of a pure powerhouse makes me more comfortable with everything else. Minimize is good. Screech is welcome. Sludge Bomb is welcome. Acid Armor is welcome. Muk is a kickass thing to have available.

But I’m not sure splitting the exp is going to do me any favors this late in the game. Silph offers a lot of lenience, I guess, but. Cycling Road is going to go to Trunk. So is a lot else, and what doesn’t should help out Bark.

Five pokemon starts to be a lot.

Fuck.

I’m trying it out.

Sap, welcome to the team. Don’t die.

In happier news...

Good job making it this far, buddy.

Route 16, what are we catching here today?

Doduo!

Sap, prove your worth by failing to kill it.

Damn it, Sap. +123 to you and Bark. -_-

Siiiiiigh. I need 30 pokemon for the Itemfinder.

Now Trunk is just going to claim. As much of Cycling Road as possible. Bark will help when possible. ...Or do I want to go deal with Silph? Hey, past me, wtf is the best way of doing this nonsense?

..hm.

I’m going to do Silph for the sheer heck of it, I think. I don’t want to get as far as my Rival yet, but. I don’t know. I’m just not feeling Cycling Road right now. Video games are supposed to be fun, right? Let’s chase some damn fun.

And I don’t think I ever got my Route 7 thing. Let’s do that, too. Hi Growlithe.

SAP WHAT THE HECK. WE WANTED THAT.

Did I misremember how much damage Sludge does???

...

Oh.

Yes.

Yes, I did.

I very much did.

...+130 to Sap and Acorn. -headdesk-

With that in mind, actually, Sap, you and Bark want to try your hands on the dojo next door to Sabrina? Trunk can’t touch any of those guys thanks to the Super Effective problem.

..And Bark can barely touch any of them thanks to her low Defense.

Yeeeeeah, after that short experiment, we’re just gonna go straight to Silph. Where the Rockets are not a thing to be too afraid of.

Beautiful building.

Hellscape place.

...

I don’t wanna do this, either. Uh. South of Lavender, maybe?

Out of order ALL the things.

Route 13, let’s catch a thing.

The thing is a Venonat! We now wait and watch to see if it will end up dead like other recent catches for totally unpreventable reasons.

Caught!

Its name is Oak.

Route 14, in the middle of all these trainers we’re beating down largely out of order.

...Gloom’s technically not viable because Oddish and species clause, but screw it, it’s not going to be used, I’m too lazy to look up what else is here, and I just want this part done and over with. I know that’s really bad form. but. I am not a rules lawyer. once, maybe. not anymore.

Caught. Its name is Oak.

So far with trainers, the way I’m keeping my sanity with exp division is that the Bikers go to Trunk, and Bark and Sap get the Bird Keepers.

It is slow and tiresome. I do not care for thinking when I am playing my video games.

We’re in Route 18 now, and doing the same nonsense to a Raticate. This is it. This is the point. This is where I stop caring about any of the rules except the no grinding thing. Everything else is irrelevant.

Bark ffs. Stop. Sigh.

+414 exp. Route 18 officially dead.

(Also, this looks like I should have known that she would kill it, but Bark still knows Mud Slap. It does as much nothing as anything on my team can. Still not enough nothing when critical hits are involved.)

Good Rod get so that Fuchsia might have a happier ending.

Back in the realm of completely legal catches, we have a Poliwag!

Throwing a Great Ball proves the best strategy. In that it works. Poliwag get! Its name is Oak.

In other, trainer-related news, Sap hits 34 and learns Acid Armor.

We have also cleared out the section of trainers that is not Saffron and not Cycling Road that comes pre-Koga. Naisu.

-time passes-

So, post-Cycling Road, Trunk is level 41, Bark is level 42, Sap is 35, Oak is 37, and Acorn is 40. I think what makes the most sense in terms of safety is to go clear out the Silph building, then deal with the dojo and assorted Gyms.

Unfortunately.

I hate Silph Co.

So, so deeply.

Deep breath time.

Oh, wait, I want Oak to have Surf first. Never mind, we can still delay this party!

Let’s do it.

Hey, and while we’re at it, we have a chance at a Parasect!

-gasp-

We caught it!

Its name is Oak.

I don’t remember if it was me or someone I knew, but as a child, I have distinct memories of the timer flat-lining just a handful of squares away from talking to this guy. It filled me with enough sadness that I think maybe I was the one having the issues.

The Safari Zone is a lot harder when you have no idea what you’re supposed to do or where you’re meant to go.

Oak learns Surf!

We also give the Warden his teeth back, so Strength get.

I’m gonna see about catching a Route 19 thing. Due to it being something I can do that doesn’t involve the Silph building.

Yes, a Krabby. As we learned from Heero’s run, they make for excellent HM slaves.

Caught!

Its name is Oak. Sadly, I think it will be replacing Oak in the party.

Sigh.

I think we’re. back to the sad part.

(Route 17 option: Doduo. Status: caught. Name: Oak.)

UGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

Granted, it’s much easier without having to record every single fight, but the memories of the most recent time I did this are harsh and painful and I don’t like them.

Several floors later, yeah okay, this isn’t so bad.

I still hate it.

However, I can safely say I know who the best character in the Pokemon multiverse is.

Best. Girl.

She’s on floor 9, future self. Sorry about your life.

Because there are so many vitamins hidden around the building, I’m starting to really panic about how my team is going to handle the final parts of the game. I of course love all my children equally, but losing the first team was rough, and I can’t imagine that I’ll continue to engage with my pokemon on any level if things consistently fall to pieces in the very last sequences.

In a funny way, I think the EV training I’m softly tripping through might be hampering things a little. The balance is more sideways than my usual in-game teams have, because I’m focusing a lot on who’s fighting what. There are no random bursts of Defense being distributed, for instance. Oak is the closest to balance, and that’s because Oak had to do most everything before we had a real team (no offense buddy, you rock).

I don’t know. I’m paranoid. Things did not go well with Heero and friends. I think I want to invest in some of the X [stat] items, you know, like the way of the speedrunner, but the way I usually play these games involves brute force.

Full stop.

I can’t repeat enough how little I enjoy thinking in my video games.

But what that means is that I’m not used to using X items. And spending a turn on something I haven’t spent years of background noise thinking about could have disastrous consequences.

The disaster is something I fear. Clearly.

Sigh. There’s not helping it right now, so. Silph.

LOOK MAN, CONSIDERING THE NUMBER OF TRAINERS I HAD TO BEAT TO GET UP HERE

I kind of love that your Rival doesn’t appear to do anything at all about Team Rocket. He just shows up because hey, Red will be doing the hero stuff over there! Time to throw down!

Then he loses and just goes back to worrying about his League quest.

He’s almost like a real ten-year-old.

Acorn thank you for existing.

Wait. Crap, what deals with the Venusaur? Did I decide to just throw Trunk at that? Because that’s what I’m doing?

Yeah, fine, that works.

I got a Lapras.

Its name is Oak.

Sprinkle, I miss you.

Oh whoops. Acorn’s still in front. I don’t think I want that.

Kangaskhan without a Fighting Type is weird. Not a problem weird, because yay, Trunk exists. But weird. I keep expecting to have something super effective against it.

One Master Ball for me. Yay.

Now off to the dojo.

Where I’m going to try not to get Sap killed by letting him have this fight for great exp. I trust Sap’s moves. I trust the concept of their usefulness. Then I see critical hits and tragedy everywhere.

Sap.

Do not die.

Does my hat look black to you.

Level 37 Hitmonlee.

You know. I have the post that says this involves a level 37 Hitmonlee open in another tab. And yet. This still comes as a horrible shock and my brain is already playing taps for Sap.

!

The pain of one Hi Jump Kick. Not bad. I think we might make it, little guy.

We won!

And no one died!

Yay!

I guess that means it’s time for Koga.

Boo. But we’ll let Trunk punch through. Maybe with Bark, too.

Or Oak can eat a Kadabra. That works.

Trunk makes it through all the pre-Koga peeps with little trouble, and we move on to the man himself.

-gasp-

Awesome. More awesome is how everyone’s still alive. Oh happy day before we go forth and fight Sabrina.

Toxic get.

Trunk is level 46, as seen above. Bark is 44. Acorn is 42. Oak is 41. Sap is 37.

Oak’s job is to eat Sabrina. With any luck, Oak will continue to be a help with Blaine, though Bark and Sap will want some of that sweet exp too.

...Basically, what this all means is that I’ve stopped worrying about most of what’s going on with my team. I’m now just watching the levels and letting my dread run the show.

Dread and Oak. The dream team. Oak’s hit 44. I have faith.

.....Ooookay things are going awry because a Calm Minded Alakazam packs a wallop with Psychic, so I’m switching in Acorn under the assumption that he can survive one Psychic and will outspeed the thing.

Pictures taken just before disaster, fyi.

Houston, we have a problem.

Trunk wraps things up.

But. Uh.

Gyarados damage control is gone.

Acorn is gone.

What even is life without Acorn.

That critical hit would have been the end of Oak. Your oldest friend. I know we both wanted things to go differently, but I’m sure you understand why this is the end result.

I will miss you.

So much.

The lack of your warm presence will be a loss for us all.

I also no longer have something on my team with Thunderbolt, so. The script is no longer clear. I guess I can be less worried about levels, but. This right here might be the end of this round.

With a heavy heart, we head to the oceans where Acorn should have reigned supreme.

And stop Sap from evolving so he can learn Sludge Bomb at 43. Hopefully doing that won’t lead to another unfortunate accident, but if it does happen, I’m sadly resigned to it.

I don’t know how many times Sap has hurt himself in confusion in this fight, but it’s too many.

Then the Tentacruel comes in when this is finally over, and Sap hurts himself in confusion.

Yeah.

Sap’s just eating every single confusion problem of the entire run. He’s taking it all for himself.

But. we. get. through. it. As a family.

Hit Route 20, and now I have a level 8 Tentacool. Its name is Oak.

Supersonic is hitting everything and it is absolutely miserable.

Seafoam Island gives us.... Golbat! Apparently we already had a Zubat, so whoops, but in any case, its name is Oak. And needs to be moved from the D E A D box because whoops.

Does Oak want to learn Fly and help greatly with things not being awful?

Boy howdy do I.

And I am at 30 pokemon in my Pokedex, so it’s time for me to go grab my Itemfinder and Leftovers.

...Oh. Golbat doesn’t learn Fly. Well fine then. Another Oak will help me.

After all.

He is

Oak’s Aide.

Got one Leftovers. Two Leftovers. Awesome.

-many minutes later-

Sap gets Sludge Bomb! Do you know what that means?

Sap! We’ve done it! We’ve kept you alive! You’ve made it through your trying times as a Grimer!

Now let’s go into that non-haunted mansion that makes up most of Blaine’s island’s real estate.

I’m just going to shove Bark in front and. idk. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’m just waiting for Victory Road, the day of reckoning, and. Maybe better than last time.

Growlithe caught in the mansion. Its name is Oak.

Secret Key get.

Blaine, why must you be so sketchy.

Okay, so for this Gym, I think I’ll be using Sap more than expected. Bark and Oak will deal with a lot of Giovanni, because they don’t have to worry about Ground really causing an extra problem. That makes this a better place for Trunk and Sap to level up. Agreed?

Yeah sure, whatever.

I guess the other thing to consider is if Bark will really be a help in this endeavor.

She’s very, very fast, and will learn Earthquake naturally. But she can’t take a hit, and with the loss of Acorn, I’m thinking what I have to do is just have Trunk, Oak, and Sap tank everything; lots of X items, lots of Full Restores.

Most of the time, Bark can’t afford to take a second hit of anything.

If I really want to optimize, Cutting down to three out of my four might be the better call.

Ugh, that’s such a dangerous number, though.

Sap has an amazing move set. I really could just...

Lorelei, Bruno, Agatha, Lance, Rival.

Trunk could probably handle Lorelei. Sap could do the Fighting half of Bruno, and the other half isn’t really a problem. The plan with Agatha was always to teach Po Shadow Ball, but then Zaft needed Thunderbolt, so I couldn’t afford it. Lance is hell, but not one a Dugtrio is likely to improve by much.

I have no idea what to do for Oak.

But if I can set Sap up, a lot of problems become manageable. I can’t brute force this. I keep saying that, and I keep ignoring it because that’s not how I play these games. I need better strategies. Bark’s Attack stat isn’t up to being a glass cannon. She’s a glass rifle, maybe. Fantastic, but eating up resources without serving an extra purpose. She’ll be just as dead in two hits if I keep on giving her exp. Leveling could remove that weakness, but I don’t have anything to work with there.

I have to focus on three.

Damn it.

For now, let’s finish Blaine, shall we.

Got the badge.

Bill Gaiden?

So he says.

So ends the post, because I just can’t.

[atrainernamedradish]

Starter Tier List

This concept was done by a Poketuber by the name of Aura Guardian. I liked the idea of it so much that I did my own version of a few weeks ago while I was “watching” the video.

While most tier lists are based off of skill this one is based off of pure opinion. It will be ranked like your typical American grading system of A-F while adding in SSS Rank like you find in a lot of Japanese games using rank.

Rank F - Sceptile

This is the weakest Gen 3 starter for me. There is nothing I like about it., well maybe except its shiny. I don’t find Treeko cute/cool, despite my fondness for The Mystery Dungeon series I don’t like Grovyle’s design, and Sceptile (nor Mega Sceptile) appeals to me. There are better grass starters.

Emboar

Tepig is cute. That’s the ONLY reason this line is higher than the previous one.

Greninja

(I am about to get SO much backlash for this!)

I am going to have to go with Ace Trainer Liam here and say that Frogadier looks so much better than Greninja. Not only is Greninja so awkward looking but I hate its level up moveset! Originally I thought it had no business being a dark type, but honestly I’m feeling this way towards its water typing. You can argue this for its dark typing, but the ONLY reason it’s a water type is because it’s a frog (and maybe it being blue...). And unless you’re running a Protean ability Greninja than the damn thing is not that good! In my playthrough of Y with Greninja (I like to play with a starter to give it a chance) it was the weakest member on my team! My Aromatisse was far more viable and it’s not even on a competitive radar!

Charizard

Charmander is cute. I have fond memories of the anime with the entire line. I can understand why Charizard is a fan favorite. But I don’t like the way Charmeleon looks, and there are better fire starters. Sorry Charizard. Nice shiny though!

Rank D - Chesnaught

Generation 6 had some of the weakest starter designs I’ve ever seen. While Chesnaught appeals to me... the rest of the line not so much. Ironically Chespin was my reluctant pick for Gen 6, and I say this because the first evolutions are underwhelming, but a certain unnamed starter from this trio took its place.

Meganium

This starter line is okay. That’s the only reason why it is where it is on the list. I have nothing bad nor good to say about it. It’s not my favorite or despised either.

Infernape

Infernape looks pretty badass. It’s pre-evolutions I honestly don’t care for. Plus it has better competition in this trio.

Rank C - Feraligatr

Totodile is cute. Feraligatr is pretty badass. Croconaw... dear God that thing is ugly lol! It’s resonates better than the Meganium line and that;s why it’s higher on the list.

Swampert

It has a solid design and typing. It’s am automatic secondary pick for the trio it’s in.

Incineroar

This starter has come a loooong way! I initially despised this entire line! But after bonding with it I have a new found perspective of it. Unfortunately Litten is still unappealing to me, but I blame the 3D model. I though Torrecat was pretty damn ugly upon its reveal, but Pokemon Refresher showed how cute it was~ I also adore its sassy personality~ Incineroar grew on me as well. I used to find its design horrendous but then I figured out what about it I loathed, and that my friends... is its hands! They look cartoony being way too big on the Pokemon and it looks like it had all fingers instead of fingers and a thumb. Other than that... it has great charisma and I’m glad I gave the line a chance~!

Blastoise

There are not enough good middle stage evolutions for starters, and by God Wartortle is sooo adorable~! The ears just slay me~ But aside from my gushing Blastoise has a well designed water starter line. It;s not my favorite but I have nothing bad to say about it.

Rank B - Samurott

Oshawott was an easy choice for me among the Gen 5 starters. It was adorable and it won my heart instantaneously~! The final evolution in the form of Samurott wasn’t my favorite at first, but it’s grown on me~ Just wish the move pool was a little better... (Also! It should have had fighting not Goddamn Emboar! D<)

Serperior

Sassy and cute things are my weakness and Snivy was no exception to that rule. While I’m not a big fan of the middle evolution in this line, it doesn’t waver its place on this list. At some point I will use a Serperior to better appreciate this Pokemon.

Torterra

While I have not officially used one in the official Pokemon games I never realized how badly I needed the dual typing of grass and ground. Grotle was a God send in Pokemon Glazed for that stupidly overpowered first gym! (The game was great but for fuck sake the beginning of it was a pain in the ass for no reason other than that dumb idea that harder = challenging!) Torterra is a beast and one day I will finally add it to an official playthrough~

Empoleon

While I love the unique typing this final evolution has... sonavabitch do I hate the fact that it’s weak to a type it should be able to take out...! To be honest I’m not a fan of the middle evolution. It looks super awkward and doesn’t fit in with the cuteness of Piplup and the regalness of Empoleon. But in generation 4 there isn’t a contest for starters when you have such an adorable little starter who becomes something that classy and badass!

Rank A - Delphox

Fennekin was my least favorite of the first evolutions for the Gen 6 trio. While it’s still not my favorite in design, in fact, all the Gen 6 starters are unappealing to me, I adore what it becomes. Just like Torterra the unique typing of fire and psychic is desirable combination I didn’t realize I wanted (I know Victini has it but I don’t use legendaries)~ While I have used one in Pokemon X my official introduction to this Pokemon was in a fanmade game called Pokemon Insurgence (it is an amazing game which I highly recommend to any Pokemon fan), which may it and the other Delphox R.I.P. since they both perished in my egglocke 3;= While Braixen is the best designed out of the line Delphox isn’t half-bad~ That model cry though... *shudders*

Primarina

Popplio was kinda cute when first revealed. When Primarina was leaked I instantly fell in love with it~ ...Brionne... well... I hate it initially. I thought it was goofy looking upon its reveal. HOWEVER, Pokemon Refresher changed my mind so fast on that! Brionne is still awkward looking but in an adorable way now. It makes my heart melt~ I simply love Primarina and he was the star of my Ultra Moon playthrough~!

Venusaur

That’s right ya’ll, I’m a Bulbasaur fan! I chose easy mode and ain’t lookin’ back! What can I say about this dinosaur plant thing...? It’s just so cute~! And grass types are in my top 5 favorite types. While Ivysaur is a bit meh for me I can tolerate it better than other middle starter evolutions. Venusaur is just a huge more mature Bulbasaur with a big of toad in him now and sometimes all you need is for the little guy to just get a bit bigger, ya know?

SSS Rank - Blaziken

There’s no competition when it comes to playing Hoenn for your’s truly. I picked Torchic in my first playthrough of Ruby and I did the same when I picked up Omega Ruby. The only reason this starter choice is on the low end of the top is because of Combusken. I don’t hate the design but I don’t love it. To be honest I prefer Mega Blaziken’s design to normal Blaziken, but Blaziken is love none the less~<3

Decidueye

It took me FOREVER to pronounce this little shits name! But despite that lol, I simply adore this entire line~! I was Team Rowlet the moment I saw the little guy~<3! It is just so insidiously adorable, and the anime has not helped (need to actually watch it, but thanks to screen shots/GIFs none the less lol)! I don’t care what anyone says I love Dartrix~! He’s so cute and sassy and oh my God his freaking out over his hair just... *bemoans*! I love it...! Decidueye was the other starter leak I fell in love with. It’s just so cool looking and it fits with the rest of the line~ The entire line is just cute and cool and Gen 7 really had some good starter designs~ But even something so cute and cool as the Rowlet line was still beaten in the end...

TYPHLOSION

Cyndaquil is my favorite starter of all times. Pokemon Silver to this day, and that includes awesome remakes, is my favorite Pokemon game! And when I initially got the game as a pre-teen up to when the games were ported to the virtual console Cyndaquil was always my choice for a starter in Johto. Sadly I had fallen out of Pokemon for a brief time so I missed out on Heart Gold & Soul Silver (ROMs don’t count dammit lol!)... Cyndaquil is just the cutest thing while Quilava is both cute and cool with Typhlosion just being such a BAMF! The entire line proves that you can be simplistic and still have a good design. All Cyndaquil did was get bigger and meaner and it works~! And that’s why it’s on the top~! ^v^

[shylaxgameblogs]

Shylax’s Top 10 Games (Played in the Year) of 2017

Yep, it’s the return! You’re going to be here a while, so...

10. Mario Golf World Tour (2014)

Yep, that’s right, a golf game. It wouldn’t be right without one, and here it is.

I really wanted to play this game because @pawelcyril kept gushing about it, but I don’t really play it anymore. It’s not a bad game, it wouldn’t be on this list if it wasn’t, but it could have been a lot better than it was. There are a lot of 9 hole only courses, which is disappointing. The single player story mode is fun, but short. Online’s loading times are disappointing. Being able to create and customize a Mii golfer is fun, but the Mii’s driving distance sucks compared to Star Mario. The tournament system is fun, and solves World Invitational’s cheating problem by just letting you go as many times as you like, but...Hot Shots Golf World Invitational was so much better. That game had so much more staying power, even with its own flaws.

9. Fire Pro Wrestling World (2017)

I remember playing Super Fire Pro Wrestling X Premium on a SNES emulator. That was my first experience with Fire Pro, and it was so much different than any other wrestling game I had played before. Probably the closest that comes to the Fire Pro experience are the aki wrestling games, most notably WWF No Mercy.

If you’re a fan of American-style wrestling, this game will probably disappoint you, because even though you can create your American favorites and have them battle each other, this game doesn’t feature the wild and crazy antics that make American wrestling tick. There are no storylines here, and no cutscenes. This is pure puroresu. Japanese wrestling is treated more like a legitimate sport, and so does this game. It’s all about the competition.

This game has no license, but it has a robust Create-a-Wrestler system, allowing you to create your favorite wrestlers, characters outside of wrestling, or original characters. You can even create bear wrestlers if you’d like, which is a major plus in its favor in my book.

However, the meat of the game is its robust wrestling engine. It’s 2D at its very best, relatively unchanged since the SFPWXP days, although it does look much better. The action is displayed in a 3/4 isometric view, and the grappling system is unique, and unlike American wrestling games, punishes button mashing, instead of rewarding it. There are three styles of grapples - weak, medium, and strong. You have to build up with successful weak moves before moving up - if you try to go for medium and strong moves too early, you’ll get countered.

The only reason I don’t play it more is it’s still in Early Access, and more features are being added and refined. Online play is there, but the netcode is pretty laggy. There’s not a story or career mode, so unless you have friends who are ubercompetitive at this game, its only other real use is as a supreme @tangobunny Watch Mode game.

8, Parascientific Escape Gear Detective (2015)

The sequel to 2014′s Parascientific Escape Cruise in the Distant Seas, which was a refreshing take on the Zero Escape formula, adding in powers you could use during “escape” sequences, and being able to backtrack to rooms you already completed, was a huge improvement over the original. The first game felt like a teaser for a much larger story, and felt pretty generic and cheap (the localization didn’t help).

Gear Detective (the Parascientific Escape games are eShop only games for 3DS) wasn’t anything groundbreaking either, but it was a much better use of your $5 than the original. While it seems to abandon the story the original set up, it is a more fully fleshed out story, feels more complete, and has multiple endings, which the original did not feature.

It still doesn’t compare to more full-budget and full price titles like the Zero Escape series, but the escape room genre is pretty limited, and this game is well worth your $5. I’m hoping to play the third game in the series soon so it can be eligible for next year’s list.

7. Pokemon Moon (2016)

This game was a mixed bag for me. I really enjoyed it, but there were some annoying decisions that prevented me from playing it more.

First, the good. I really liked the character designs in Sun/Moon. I enjoyed Alola more than Kalos, I enjoyed the new Pokemon in Alola more, and I appreciated that they tried to do something different with the Trials instead of the Gyms. I liked that they tried to breathe new life into old Pokemon with Alolan forms.

The downsides: Breeding is still a hassle, even with quality of life improvements, so competitive is still a hassle. Online was a huge step back, no more Super Training, no more being able to access online features while playing, you have to go to a separate screen. For its flaws, the PSS >>>>>>>>>> the Festival Plaza. Let us be able to chat via text and speech online, you cowards! There was a golfer character, but no golf minigame.

6. Pocket Card Jockey (2016)

Pocket Card Jockey was an unheralded 3DS eShop game that combined horse racing and solitaire. But while I played it, it was oh so addictive. I loved raising my horses, racing them, and naming them after obscure video game systems. If you don’t have it, you should definitely buy it. It’s a great way to pass the time.

The art style is incredibly cute as well, you’ll love your horses.

5. Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator (2017)

I almost forgot this game. @hopeies would have killed me if I had, so I put it on the list. I’m not super keen on romance-based visual novels, although I did put Katawa Shoujo on there last year. Being a heterosexual male, I did not think I would enjoy this game, but I was pleasantly surprised. I got to enjoy meeting and getting to know the various dads (Damien and Hugo were my favorites), but the game got some things right with the whole visual novel experience (and some things wrong).

My favorite thing about Dream Daddy, is that you can romance who you want. You can just go, “I want to romance that guy”, and YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT. No decrypting mysterious route conditions, no looking up a guide. And if you don’t know who you want to romance? You can get to know the various dads before committing to one. It also makes it very clear when you’ve pleased or displeased a dad, and pleasing or displeasing a dad is obvious if you’ve paid attention to what they like and don’t like. It takes a ton of the crypticness out of visual novels, and other VNs should take heed.

On the other hand, it doesn’t feature basic visual novel features like being able to backtrack or see a chat log, which is disappointing. DDADDS manages to mix up things by including minigames, made possible by the Unity engine. It also allows you to create your Dadsona, averting the typical blank slate protagonist of most visual novel games.

4. Mystery Chronicle: One Way Heroics (2016)

I bought the original One Way Heroics for 78 cents on Steam and loved it. It was a delightful hybrid of 16-bit JRPG and roguelike, and I was so excited when I heard Spike Chunsoft was doing an enhanced remake of this game. I haven’t played it as much as I want to, but it’s the original game but better, and that’s all I wanted.

To keep you from dawdling, you have to keep moving forward, or else the left edge of the screen will consume you. You also have to keep track of HP and hunger levels. Once you die, that’s it - but you can transfer items between playthroughs and gain perks that will help you do better in future playthroughs.

It’s such a delightful throwback to the old days, and a fun roguelike.

3. Love Live! School Idol Festival (2014)

This is the first ever mobile game to make the list. I knew I wanted to download this once I joined the mobile world - Cute girls, trading cards, and music? What’s not to like? The rhythm game aspect is very good. It’s very responsive, and fun. The visual novel aspect is kind of hit or miss, but I love the girls, so it’s all good. It’s basically just the characters being themselves, and no real story of importance. I wish the game was a bit less stingy with love gems, but otherwise, I love it.

2. Nier (2010)

Nier is kind of punching above its weight here. While the game itself isn’t anything special, it’s wrapped up in this awesome music, beautiful graphics, and innovative storytelling that makes it something special. Besides, Yoko Taro is just a great guy. I can’t wait to get a chance to play Automata, so I can surely put it on a future list.

1. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (1997)

This is the video that convinced me to give SOTN another try:

It truly is a masterpiece, but some of my own thoughts: It’s a shame Sony discouraged 2D games on the PS1, because the 2D games on the PS1 are timeless. 2D is timeless. 3D ends up looking like shit later, and the PS1 3D games surely do look like shit.

[royal-writer]

Essie - questionnaire

Just trying to get to know Essie better, ignore me! Will add more later.

1. Does s/he enjoy puzzles?

Not particularly. Even given nothing to do, Essie would probably prefer much anything else.

2. Does s/he enjoy education?

I don’t even know if she had a real education. I’m sure she learned more on her own means. I think she’s pretty neutral on learning. It helps better you but she doesn’t see it as fun but neither does she see it as terrible.

3. What is his/her sexual orientation?

Pansexual Panromantic.

4. Is s/he right-handed, left-handed, or ambidextrous?

Right-handed but ambidextrous casting spells cuz, well, ya almost gotta be..

5. Is s/he fashionable?

Essie don’t give a fuck. She wears what she likes, or wears what is suitable to the weather, or wears shit just to piss people off. So probably not.

6. What is their favorite food(s)?

Okay, here goes: smoked salmon on a bed of greens, herb roast pheasant, venison steak cooked rare to med-rare with roasted potatoes, garlic clam soup, mushroom and leek stew, berry tarts with mint, stuffed trout, pickled duck eggs, sharp cheeses, sunflower seeds, almonds, honeycakes, and she has a preference for drinking spiced ale, orchid wines, and elven made wines that are sweeter and aromatic. I can also see her having a taste for tea, particularly with honey, and sweet or spiced ciders. Maybe some hard spirits in a group atmosphere.

7. Has s/he ever broken a bone?

Nope, not yet at least.

8. Any interests or hobbies?

She enjoys magic, even using it to make kids happy. She enjoys dancing, secretly. Gambling maybe, uh... going on adventures obviously. Will add more if I think of it; she’s lived a life of survival so she probably doesn’t hide many hobbies.

9. Does s/he consider themself organized?

lmao no and she knows that. Ms. Throw-It-All-In-The-Bag.

10. How does s/he handle feeling nauseous?

No food, only liquids. Try laying down. If it doesn’t stop after a while, try walking around slowly in hopes to agitate self enough to just hurl.

11. What is his/her full name?

Essätha Medüza - the last name is a kick on Medusa from mythology.

12. Introvert or extrovert?

She’s a wanna-be-extro. Doesn’t trust others well, but has a desire to fit in and hang with others. At the moment she’s honestly more intro by nature though.

13. Can s/he cook?

Probably okay. Still prone to burning food from time to time lol whoops. But for the most part it’ll be edible, probably just not super tasty.

14. Did s/he have any friends growing up?

Yes! I plan on doing art for some of ‘em eventually.

15. How does s/he react to storms? Being caught in the storm?

Essie likes a good rainfall. Probably doesn’t mind being caught in them, even ‘bad’ storms, so long as it isn’t snow. Too damn cold.

16. Does s/he collect anything?

Nope. Maybe scars. //bricked// Nah because of her lifestyle, she’s not one to gather trinkets or stuff. Necessities and useful stuff only really.

17. Is s/he religious?

lol nope. Doesn’t care for gods or religion or any of that junk.

18. What inspires him/her?

I don’t know... uh, music for dancing. Sunsets and sunrises. The idea that life can get better. Transformation/growing.

19. Do they have a role model?

Maybe her mom, despite not knowing her. Eventually I’m sure she’ll see some of her fellow team members in this way.

20. What’s their favorite joke?

Probably secretly snake puns. Examples: “let me give you a hiss”, “viper that smirk off your face”, “I’ll snake some puns in there”, etc.

21. How would your character describe his/her friends? Lover? Parents?

dnd group companions to be determined.

Opal: (kind stranger) Orange furry cat woman. Seems to follow her own moral code of good which is pure and generous. Pretty kind.

Kraw: (teacher) Bird man of tans, reds, and dark browns/blacks. Grumpy but has a good heart. May try eating you if you’re an animal or can turn into an animal but otherwise nice. Drinker but a sad drinker when he does.

Solace: (ally/best friend) Outgoing, bubbly, considerate reddish-pink tiefling with obsidian eyes and violet blue-toned hair. She’s a rebel but is caring despite her dicey past. Essie considers her a better person than herself.

Phoenix: (aquitaine) Lady crazypants. Charcoal skin with scar-like markings that glow like lava flow when she’s using her powers. Fiery colored eyes and hair. Very much gives a masculine vibe. Will kill you with no regrets. Something’s wrong with her but she is willing to work with others for her own gain which is relatable.

Bretella: (frienemy) Considered a trustworthy ally. Green skinned redhead with golden eyes. Tends to weary flashy or seductive clothing. Will bail you out of a situation but patronize you later. High self-esteem.

Miz'ri: (enemy) A lost friend. Light grey skin, white hair, pale lilac eyes. Essie wishes that the millions of things that went wrong between them hadn’t. She hopes there’s still godo to be found in Miz’ri. A sad, broken soul.

Hepsiba: (mother) Truly the most beautiful person in existence. Warm, loving, considerate, gentle, sweet, gorgeous. Hepsiba is gone now, but her memory is still a vibrant light of warmth. Essie probably looks to the stars and likes to think her mom is up there, staring down at her. Mom was an auburn-skinned beauty with brown eyes.

Tyfiell: (father) Never met him. Mom spoke well of him, but Essie doesn’t think well of someone who ditched her mom. Said to be a dark-skinned Yuan-Ti Pureblood with dark eyes and a wicked smile. Rogue class.

22. How would s/he describe themself?

LOL nothing good unfortunately... She thinks she’s physically ugly due to how she was treated by others when she was young. She doesn’t find redeemable qualities in herself too much, either. Resident snake lady would probably say “I don’t got time for this” if asked. “I’m a scaly Yuan-Ti woman, hi.”

23. What is his/her birthday? Star sign? Do they fit it?

April 12, which would make their zodiac the Aries. It sounds semi fitting, as they’re labeled as ‘courageous, confident, short-tempered, and impulsive’ but like anything else, there’s some manners that aren’t perfectly fitting (optimistic, aggressive, etc).

24. How good is s/he at mending clothes?

She doesn’t know the Mending ability lol! Kidding aside, I don’t believe it’s her hobby or anything. I mean, if you look at some of her clothes, they’ve got tears and threads pulled free. Probably not.

25. How does s/he react to someone spilling something on them?

Depends on the atmosphere? 90% of the time she’ll realize it’s an accident, jump when it happens, and then request the server or whomever fetch something to help clean up the mess- not impolitely just with some urgency in her tone. She’d probably only have a .1% chance going off an the server because hey, shit happens, but if she’s in a bad mood already she may snap at anyone around she’s unhappy with at the moment.

26. How does s/he react to being approached by law enforcement?

‘Oh shit time to run they’re probably after me’ is her thought processing.

27. Do they paint/draw?

Nah, not really her cup of tea.

28. Does s/he prefer any musical instruments?

Essie can’t play, but she probably enjoys winds and strings for daily life, but the occasionally ‘sick beat’ of a big band of instruments to dance to would be A+.

29. If they had a tumblr, what would their account name be?

venomspikedwine

30. How good are they at keeping an eye on their money? Do they also splurge frequently?

Admittedly, Essatha enjoys hoarding funds. As someone who grew up with little, she’s a bit of a hoarder and is very unlikely to misplace even a copper piece. If she splurges, she’s likely drunk or enjoying a ‘luxury’ she didn’t have much as a child (ex: tarts), or items useful for survival, combat, friends, etc.

31. 3-5 random pieces of trivia about them that doesn’t come up often?

Essie loves music; especially pieces with a soft melody. She grew a garden once. Lastly she has had no real schooling; she’s mostly self-taught or listened in on others or hired other’s to teach her. This might be one of the reasons why she’s a bit of a slow reader.

32. Does s/he prefer dawn or dusk?

She feels more ‘lively’ during dawn but enjoys dusk for the twilight glow, the stars, etc. So both with maybe a slight preference for dusk.

33. Have them describe themself in 3 words!

(no, Essie, you can’t use ‘snake lady’ for 2 words, use adjectives).

confident, misunderstood, bull-headed

34. How would s/he react to someone confessing they have a crush on them?

All the blushing. So much blushing. Open-mouthed like ‘uhh??’ If she doesn’t return the feelings, she’ll probably be really embarrassed. Stuttering as she tries the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’. Unless it’s not someone she’s close with, in which case, she’d use their ‘crush’ to her advantage. If it’s someone she has a crush on as well, she’ll blush and look away. Be shy. You’d probably need to convince her to speak or look at you again cuz she’d be like ‘?! they like me? me???’

35. What is his/her favorite scent?

Desserts, rain, the outdoors (especially earthy scents).

36. If they had a Pokemon team, what PKMN would they have?

With ‘starter’: Serperior, Weavile, Houndoom, Phantump, Dragalge, Togetic.

Without ‘starter’: same team, replace Serperior with Kangaskhan.

37. Can s/he sing? act?

She can’t sing well but that won’t stop her when she has the urge. Obviously she can act, or she wouldn’t play people so well lol.

38. Can s/he swim?

Yep!

39. Does s/he drink? Do drugs? Smoke?

Yes she drinks, no she doesn’t do drugs (unless medicines in the d&d count? I don’t know what sort of drugs they have), no she doesn’t smoke.

40. Are they good with children?

Yeah actually! She wants kids to have a happy youth, unlike what she had, so she’s willing to do things to entertain and help kiddos. If a kid cons her, she’d try to even hunt them down purely to see if there’s any way she could help them.

41. What sort of atmosphere does s/he give off?

Depends. Either antisocial or exceptional flirt depending on what’s going on to the average person.

42. Do they believe in any form of afterlife?

Yeah, she thinks there’s an afterlife. What it entails, she doesn’t dare imagine.

43. What’s the first thing s/he does in the morning after waking?

Roll outta bed/sleeping bag and get dressed, think about getting something to drink asap.

44. Who would be his/her voice actor/ress?

Morrigan from Dragon Age, voiced by Claudia Black. Dragon Age: Inquisition seems the best bet, as Morrigan’s voice seems more controlled and less bubbly than Origins. Perhaps Origins though when she’s interacting with Sul?

45. How would you describe his/her aesthetic?

Clothing wise: revealing/sexy. Personal taste: nature, stars, anything that’s just lulling, tranquil, natural to the world...

46. How would s/he react to supernatural/paranormal phenomenons?

Willing to fight a ghost. Probably be spooked at first, but after the first encounter with these sort of creations, she’d probably be okay. Just that first time... “woah let’s punch this ghost” half damage “holy shit you can punch a ghost? Cool. Also magic time becuz wow that didn’t do shit”.

47. How would s/he confess their love to others?

Judging by conversations with Heather, she’d be hecka frustrated. What are feelings. I don’t know what this is. Why do I care about you so much please explain this to me? And once she figures out that it’s love she’s feeling... that explains the confusion, the butterflies in her stomach, the awkward shyness even she couldn’t explain when she reacted to them being nice but... I must now blush... and hide my face...

48. How do they react to being bored?

Time to unbored herself by doing something. Hunting, pestering others, flirting, gambling, anything but sitting there jiggin her leg if she can help it. Restlessness doesn’t fit her.

49. Have they ever been stung by a bee?

Yush.

50. If they had to pick a Disney Princess/Prince, which do they like? Which do they feel most alike? Which do they aspire to be most like?

Essie would probably really like Tiana for her go-getter attitude. She probably feels most like Rapunzel, locked away from the world and badly treated by her ‘caretaker(s)’ (the city she grew up in) but now she’s free and adventuring and seeking her own trues and fulfilling her curiosities. Who she’d probably most aspire to be I guess would be Moana (not qualified as a Disney princess yet, but admirable all the same. Moana went on an adventure, conquered it, found herself, defeated the big bad, etc) or Merida (they share like-characteristics, and Merida didn’t need a man to complete her, though family/friends it reveals are important).

21 Q’s for d&d Chars and OCS, taken from here

1. What influenced or inspired the creation of this character?

First d&d campaign. Kept getting stuck between a handful of races. Finally got down to 4, then 3, then 2. Had to wait and see if Ammy would approve Yuan-Ti Purebloods. Got approved. Suddenly whAM - inspiration. Didn’t want a flat typical ‘evil’ Yuan-Ti. Her background was helpfully inspired by the one I picked- Urchin. I just continued adding tragedy because I’m an asshole.

2. What is your character’s relationship with their family? Family is a word which here refers to biological relatives, close companions, and/or the individual(s) who raised them.

Essie’s only known family was her mother. She was very close with her, sadly, her mom passed when she was young, probably 3-4ish. She never knew her dad. Her relationship with chosen family is positive. Details on ‘chosen’ family will be thought up further later, as I’m confident she’ll come to consider her traveling companions like family.

3. Who is the closest person to them?

Her mum (deceased), and eventually probably Sul and the group. I feel she’ll particularly enjoy Cackle and Adela but we’ll see~

4. What were the conditions surrounding their formative years?

Harsh livin of survival all her life yo. Fighting for food, stealing to get by, learning how to use and deceive people to get things she needed and then eventually, things she wanted.

5. What creature would they like to have as a pet?

Snakes and doggos.

6. Do they have any bad habits?

Does stealing count? Lmao uh, other than that, maybe gambling a bit..

7. Is there anyone they’d die for? Kill for?

Old friends, later their dnd group obviously.

8. Who was their first love?

I’m gonna be cheesy here and say Sulhadur. Mostly because she never really knew what love was anymore until him. Whoops feels-

9. How would this character react to someone confessing their love for them?

^ See up there, I know I answered a question like this already.

10. How old is this character?

Twenty.

11. Are they normally peaceful or aggressive?

Peaceful probably- just leave her be and let her do what she gonna do.

12. How does this character handle stress?

Probably get frustrated. Pull on hair, get loud, vent and rant.

13. Does your character consider themselves lucky?

Hahahahaah- no.

14. What is their favorite holiday?

I... Honestly don’t know? If we’re going by holidays present now, probably Halloween or smth low-key based around family. As for d&d holidays, of those I found, she’d probably prefer Trolltide (a variation on Halloween), and either Feast of the Moon or Feast of the Ancestors.

15. What is the best gift they could receive?

Mom’s love. //bricked// Mom’s ring??? That seems about all at the moment...

16. If they could instantly kill one person in the world without consequence, who would it be?

Probably everyone in their childhood city whoops- or at least someone there that caused her tremendous pain.

17. If they were in possession of a trio of wishes, what would their three wishes be?

Mom to come back to life (probably rejected), happiness (rejected), money (rejected), new clothes, new items to help with spells, idk something to help the dnd group as a whole then.

18. What is their favorite spell or method of attack?

Unknown at the moment. I’ll probably say her Magic Missiles and Acid Splash.

19. What are their guilty pleasures?

Give her desserts!

20. What is something this character is or could be addicted to?

Happiness? Desserts. Yes happiness and desserts sounds about right.

21. Have you actually played this character yet? 

Just started! :D

25 Q’s for your d&d Chars and OCs, taken from here

1. What is this character’s alignment?

Chaotic Neutral

2. What is a notable quote from this character? Alternatively, what is their favorite quote?

No notable quotes yet, just started playing her. Favorite quote would probably be something like ‘only the strong survive’ or ‘a sheep in wolves clothing’.

3. Summarize your character’s backstory with no more than three sentences.

Small innocent snake-child is born to a snake-lady whom has no spouse. She’s raised by her loving mother until she passes away of illness. The remainder of her life has been an uphill battle for survival and equality.

4. Describe your character using a song title.

Snake Charmer. //bricked// oR What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger.

5. Are there any story arcs you would like this character to explore?

ALL

6. What would your character like (or have liked) to do with their life?

They’d like to find happiness. They’d have liked to have a better childhood filled with joy and happiness too, and a healthy mom, and to better herself.

7. Who is your character’s best friend?

Solace technically from her old group. We’ll see what happens in her new group!

8. Who is your character’s worst enemy?

Miz’ri from her old group thus far~

9. Who has, for better or worse, had the most impact on your character’s life?

Thus far, her mother and the people of her childhood city.

10. What is the most badass thing this character has done?

Nothing really yet? Other than survive. Maybe persuaded Lord Hardon- I mean Amon- to chill his nuts.

11. What crime is this character most likely to be convicted of?

Thievery obviously lmao. And being too cute.

12. What meme would you use to describe the character?

Hello Darkness My Old Friend, But That’s None Of My Business, Fuck That Shit I’m Out.

13. Does this character swear frequently?

Probs!

14.What is this character’s relationship with religion or the church?

Fuck that shit I’m out, no thanks!

15. Would this character ever make a deal with a devil or dark spirit?

Under the right circumstances, maybe. But doubtful cuz she ain’t that stupid. Usually. Probably. Unless dire circumstances.

16. Emotion or Logic?

Logic. What are emotion. Plz explain.

17. Soup or Salad?

Soup and stews!

18. What is the character’s favorite Pokémon?

Phantump :’I

19. What Pokémon Go team would they be on?

Team Valor.

20. Is your character currently in love? Is there anyone in love with your character?

No-yes. Eventually.

21. Do you ship your character with any other characters? (This includes characters from other universes and canons)

Sul and her are meant to be okay.....

22. How would this character seduce a lover?

OH GOD well- apparently with flirty, charm, good looks, lots of hip swaying, smooth talking, etc (and her high Persuasion stat) works in her favor. Sul it- it would just come naturally. Essie’s shy with him it’s precious. It’s because she loves him tho.

23. If your character could play any part in a drama, stage production, or musical, what part would they play?

Behind the scenes, probably something like a makeup artist. In a piece, she’d probably be an actress, and a more low-key role because plz don’t spotlight me the arts aren’t my thing...

24. What is your character’s favorite album?

WIP WIP WIP ?? No albums in d&d realm so??? questionable.

25. What does this character mean to you?

I love her she’s my new daughter duh.

[tumblunni]

Hi, I'm the anon who sent the messages about Rotom-Cyrus to TWJ. I wanted to explain myself. There are two books in Rotom's Room: one written by Charon where he says he found out about Rotom "by pure chance." So Charon is involved with Rotom (prob why he has that card) but he isn't the one who met Rotom as a kid. I don't want to spoil exactly what happens in USUM incase you haven't reached that part but it does basically confirm Cyrus is the one who wrote that account.

aaaa that suuuuuckscos literally its fuckin a book signed by charon how was i meant to know that oh the other book right next to it isnt by charon alsoand the trading card has no meaning whatsoeverand we’re just giving more sad backstory to a guy who already had a sad backstory and nope charon has no backstory whatsoever and was just super evil and everyone was right for all these years telling me i’m a jerk for liking this characterand right when basically the same thing just happened with faba seriouslyharmless comedic villain in sun and moon, is shown apparantly redeemed in the postgame, but NOPE now its retconned and he was The Most Evil One and something something lusamine isn’t bad anymore and everything she ever did is now being done by faba in the animecos hey yknow thats what i get for giving the benefit of the doubt to ~ugly people~seriously fuckin everyone hated faba right from when he was first revealed, you had people predicting his ENTIRE PLOT based on just one picture of him and his name and no information whatsoever on his personality. we all just fucking knew what was going to happen because he’s a science man with an ‘ugly’ face and he’s ~flambouyant~and then charon fuckin literally existed to be the ~worse man~ who was added to make cyrus more redeemablethats how he was treated in both mangas. he was made more evil just so cyrus could be redeemed, which was POINTLESS because we all already believed he could be redeemed! and fuck we even all already thought he had cute moments with his pokemon as a kid, geez! there’s a hundred fanarts of that same scenario but with murkrow or zubat or magikarp or houndour or sneasel...just fuckin the pokespe manga wrote a personalityless charon who murdered a child and was outright shown not being friends with rotom and actually hating rotom and getting his ass kicked by rotomand then in DPA we get not only More Evil Charon Who Kills People but also he’s drawn really stupidly over the top scary while everyone else is big eyed shoujo dorks. and our protagonist believes that everyone is redeemable except charon. lets show cyrus committing far more evil acts than charon ever did in the game, lets show him being ooc as fuck and talking about murdering pokemon while surrounded by graves. but THAT IS OKAY and our hero will insist on saying he’s redeemable but NOOOPE charon just fuckin steals some money and has an ugly grandpa face and he gets no such sympathy. he just exists to make you forget that moment of cyrus being ooc double evil. cos we literally retconned that charon was responsible for all cyrus’s evil acts last arc, even though he wasnt even in the fuckin story yetand like now my only damn consolation here is that the character i connected with when i first played the game is AT LEAST NOT THAT EVIL. but all the potential signs of headcanoning him as not evil were all false and i just should have known it. and apparantly its a better and more worthwhile plot to just give sad childhood man another pokemon he knew in his sad childhood, and the thing i thought was Really Cool And Interesting Writing didn’t actually exist. like seriously i was fuckin literally suffering from the same abusive childhood cyrus has in his backstory back when i played dppt and i DO NOT KNOW WHY but i ended up connecting with this stupid grandpa more than him and it saved me in a dark time more than him. back then i was a stupid fuck and i hated cyrus cos i saw myself in him, like i didnt want to admit that i was in an abusive family and i wanted to hate him for daring to want to take revenge against the world that fucked him over. i felt he didnt have the right, like I didnt have the right..so yeah i didnt even fully realise cyrus’s backstory until i replayed the game as an adult, but the one thing that did hit me back then was how unexpected and cool it was to turn our opinion of this jerk grandpa on its head. like i mean whoa! i didnt hate him like everyone else did, i found him pretty funny, but still i wasnt a big fan or anything until i saw that diary entry. like charon does LITERALLY NOTHING in the plot there is no reason they should have added him in a third version, he has no reason to exist unless he was meant to be the guy who introduces rotom’s new forms also added in the game. and it was such a mind blown moment! it doesnt even make him less evil! like “whoa this evil guy used to be a good kid once” could still work even if it WASNT a sign of him having potential redeemability, like it makes him so much more personally evil and horrible if he abandoned his best friend or something. I was so dissappointed you don’t get a boss battle with him, cos i went and caught that rotom and was hyped to defeat him with the pokemon he once betrayed and like there’s NONE OF THAT ANGLE if it was cyrus. it doesnt make rotom any different than any of his other pokemon that he owns right now and we know he already cares about, cos he has a crobat.and it JUST DOESNT MAKE SENSEbecause the journal SOUNDS like charon!they both talk all smart guy style but it felt more formal like how charon talksand like how charon boasts a lot, but the journal has him boasting about his friend instead. it sounds too enthusiastic to be cyrus...and like we already know where cyrus grew up as a kid and it wasnt eterna city. and he doesnt have a secret lab in galactic hq also in eterna city, like charon does. and also he’s not like friggin fifty years old so why would his childhood poke-friend be in a wrecked abandoned house if it was just ten years ago or something. and also why would they give charon this trading card where they draw the 100% evil guy having a vaguely genuine smile on his face and not looking like rotom hates him and he’s got it caged up or anything and also why would the card’s effect be all about friendship and why would they define him as The Rotom Guy and why would they even bother to give a trading card to charon if charon is a pointless character who never did anything important and had no actual relevance to this rotom wifi event except apparantly stealing a bunch of diaries from some other guy who was really responsible for it all. and why would they bother to point out that someone signed the diary if it wasnt the guy who wrote the diary, and also we are not going to sign the diary by the guy who actually wrote it. like if it was meant to be cyrus whey didnt they make it clearer?? nobody could be expected to have figured that out!also why does charon have a second rotom room in silph co in HGSS which timeline wise means he would have had it before DPPT and he’s talking about finding a rotom by chance before he ever found this diary that doesnt really belong to him. like why would he build an entire lab of form machines if he didnt own a rotom yet? how would he know enough to make them actually work for rotom if he never owned a rotom yet?why did nintendo decide to do all this if i wasnt supposed to reach the conclusion that charon had ANYTHING to do with rotom???why didnt they make it fucking clearer. why couldnt i have been saved years of clinging to this stupid ass headcanon and basing a lot of my taste in stories on the whole concept of ‘wow that was so fucking cool how they took a one dimensional looking villain and then turned it on our head with a cool reveal and made me super eager to see future stories with him’ and hey we’re not ever gonna get those and also everyone else was right and i should just give up and agree that ugly looking granddads will always be eviland why the fuck did i somehow link my self worth to such a random ass headcanon for a random ass character like seriously could someone have properly explained cyrus’s plot to me as a kid so i could have had him stop me from committing suicide instead. like seriously if they’d just made cyrus’s grandpa less hard to find and explained the plot more clearly and explained that he was the rotom kid AAAAAAAAARGHand i really didnt fucking need this, usum, right after also people started telling me that lusamine is ~really good~ and her whole child abuse plot is gone now like ha ha ha ha fucking ha lets crush bunni on two damn levelsand what is my fucking luck that this happened to happen right on the same day when i got some stupid ass anon hate and also had a horrible nightmare about my abusive fatherlike seriously dude who sent me this ask im really sorry ive had such an incoherant babbling reply to it, its just been a really bad day for me and like.. im not freaking out because of this minor headcanon being proven wrong, its just like i was already freaking out and having some random irrelevant headcanon bullshit happen right now is REALLY bad timing to push me off the edgehopefully i can calm down and come back and give a more coherant response of like.. why i headcanoned the different thing and why I’m sad its not true, even though i’m happy for you that your personal headcanon did become true instead.but like it sucks to be told ‘nope you’re not allowed to have your favourite character, his one and only personality trait was just a misconception you had’ during such a really bad timing of such an already bad daynintendo could u give us like a sassy science villain gramps who DOES have a redemption plot? or at least a plot that isnt ‘exists to be worse than the main villain’? like seriously why did it happen twice. i was happy at original sun and moon cos it felt like faba as charon but better written but then NOOOOPEjust...god...what.what sort of fuckface up in heaven decided to throw all the bad shit at me today and not at least spread it out across the rest of the week?

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Do the emoji asks that you like and haven't been asked yet

MAMA HI THANK YOU SO MUCH <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

TREECKO AND MORELULL BC I GOT A STUFFED TREECKO TOY WHEN I WAS 9 AND I STILL HAVE HIM AND HE’S MY BEST BUDDY AND MORELULL BC I HAVE A TINY MORELULL NAMED STEVIE AND HE MADE ME CRY ONCE BC HE WAS SLEEPY AND HIS TINY LITTLE PEEPY NOISES ARE SO ADORABLE AND HE’S SO SM O L. :’D Honestly I could talk about Pokemon and my Pokemon forever :’) :’) :’)

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

Fink - Looking Too Closely

James Blunt - No Bravery

ODESZA - A Moment Apart

Queen & David Bowie - Under Pressure

Mahmood - Soldi

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

I only know English and I’m kind of bad at it lmaooo but I’ve fallen in love with Spanish, and I also want to learn Russian bc I think it’s beautiful. <3 And Hungarian for a few certain beans I know and love :PP <3 <3

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

Okay so I absolutely believe in ghosts and I’ve had a lot of experiences with it and I could talk for ages but I wanna talk about one in particular here just because.

So at one point when I was about 15, my family and I were thinking of investing in this old hospital (because my Mum’s fucking crazy and definitely one of those white moms who gets murdered in horror movies X’D ) that was dirt cheap. It was a beautiful place, had this fucking massive beautiful old tree, and it really was beautiful in every way, just old.

But man oh man, was it haunted. You could feel it just by looking at it. We visited it twice, and my hairs didn’t lie flat the whole time we were there. It wasn’t a bad feeling, just... a feeling. Like there was this big dining room area that had floor-to-ceiling windows looking outside. And whenever you walked past, you could feel eyes on you, not in the ‘oh this is creepy’ kind of way, but the ‘I would bet 1000 bucks if I turn around somebody will be looking me at’ kind of way, and not just one person, a ton. I heard singing at one point and my Dad tried to pass it off as just the wind whistling but it was a lady singing, I’m sure.

But the weirdest part came at the end of the first trip. I used to wear a necklace that had a tree seed on it, a little smaller than a walnut shell. It was deeply personal and special to me and I never took it off. So I was just standing by myself (near those windows, too) and I felt somebody grab the seed, like somebody had been standing next to me, reached over and grabbed it. Didn’t pull or anything, but I felt somebody’s skin against mine. It wasn’t just a brush, either, I felt it like somebody was holding it in their fist - and a small fist, like a child’s hand. So I turned around bc I thought maybe it was my Mum??, but nobody was there. The feeling just... vanished. I didn’t feel scared or threatened or anything, I had a feeling it had been a little kid that was curious.

And since that day, I kept getting the name Gretel (or Greta) in my head and I have this feeling that the kid checks in on me/us from time to time. Lmao it might have just been my imagination, but it never hurts to be respectful + kind just in case. I like to think that she and my baby sister play together in the afterlife. <3

and finally, bc I never pass up the opportunity....

😘 talk about your crush or partner

My crush, aka the absolute best cookie in the whole world. One of the smartest, most responsible people I know, so inspiring and so, so freaking strong. The type of person you just KNOW is going to go out into the world and improve it without even trying, just by being themself, and when they DO try, god the world doesn’t stand a CHANCE. They make the world better just by existing. They radiate so much pure, undiluted goodness and they’re so kind and they’re so, SO unbelievably talented. I wish with my whole heart they could see themself the way I and all their other friends see them, because they deserve to love everything about themself and it kills me that they don’t. I’m just always so, so proud of them and I will be forever, I’m so lucky and honoured to know them and I love them so much. Every time I start losing faith in the world, I just think about them and I regain it again. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

emoji asks <3

[valgee]

416 Cigarettes

I walked out of that job; the second job I’ve flat fuckin walked away from because a corporate promotion was a way to get paid more to do more to get paid less to still do more. This aligned causally with an actual factual divorce, my own, I was spiraling down the familiar avenues of self-destruction and loathing in Las Vivas. 

I found inspiration in an old flame. She messaged me sweet music and abruptly left the conversation when I hollowly expounded on my future plans to move away with my spouse. The declaration felt empty; I realized that she in my shoes wouldn’t continue to be unhappy. That was the genesis of my resolve.

My grandmother was in the hospital again; my dad made it sound quite dire. I resolved to visit and then never return home once I was on the open road. Ocean Springs had become a broiling cesspot of bad emotions and confusion infused negativity. The literal plan was to drive forever, see every friend on the planet, run out of gas, and fling myself off the nearest bridge. What actually happened was 20 days of pure unadulterated traveling and freedom, 65 hours of road time, and 4,242 more lodged into my personal mileage.

The first stop was Obligation, I visited my ailing grandma who was more assailed by a macabre atmosphere centered around her inevitable death that she would prefer not to be constantly reminded of. It was my between my father and my Aunt Mae to take care of her, as her third and youngest child had eschewed responsibility in the wake of my grandfather’s death, who had been paying her to take care of grandma and “When mama dies, that’s when we’ll get the real money.” The iceberg of disgust was rearing from an ocean of contempt when my cousin and Aunt Mae addressed me sincere, for the first time, about my relationship with my father, or the lack thereof. In my two decades of visiting there, it had never been explicitly stated by any member of the family, at least not direct to me or my sister, about how my father had fought in court for partial custody, two weeks every summer, except we went for two months because it was a full half of our family. My sister and I never saw our dad during those two months, save for a few days at the beginning and end. Vindication was the sensation of Obligation, a rider to the discomfort so fine; we were all discovering the darker natures of each other amidst the cloud of deaths future and past. I found mine in a father estranged yet so much like myself, I don’t want to be him, I don’t want to become him. I was an excuse to escape his own Obligation, time spent with offspring was a rare chance. The irony was lost on him, that it was so rare of his own volition, and now sought rabidly as a superior solution to fomenting his mother’s wasting away with his candid appeals to activity that she sloughed off for the dishonesty it was. I sloughed off him, too, and escaped to my next destination after a terse visit.

I ran out of gas in Ohio. I trekked a mile to the nearest gas station that did not sell gas cans. In the adjoining Subway, in the bathroom, I made a friend who only came there to piss, as he told me, and I, too, came there to piss, but also pick grass out of my socks, accrued from the highwayside walkabout. As I set out to the next gas station, the bathroom man offered me a ride, promising me he had nothing but time. I acquired my can, I acquired my gas and he extended his offer  to drive me to my car. On the ride over, he told me his entire fuckin life story. He was a drug dealer from the podunk town in Ohio I was now in, he’d gone to Miama (Ohio) one weekend and come back with a kid, can you fuckin believe it, my baby mama only ever calls to fight or fuck and my girlfriend, who I’m livin with, hates that, you know? But Iunno, I’ll go over there and lay a line of coke down and she’ll, like, bend over, and rip it and back that ass up, she’s got a nice ass, you know? My girlfriend does, too, they got nice asses, Iunno. See, I like you, I can tell you anything and you don’t know shit, you don’t fuckin know anyone.

The second stop was Liberation, my dear friends Parla and Kelly in the Windy city I love. I rediscovered my Air element in the playful streets and inviting sunshine; this would be the last time I brought nice weather with me. I found Parla in a trend of bashful but passionate feminism but I was not yet shook of my tangled brain to connect with her genuinely, but I wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to qualify her validity to me, to me. She taught me macrame on a heated roof, we let strings dance in the wind. We laughed together in sopored stupor. I met her downstairs convenience bang, he brought me to his brazilian jujitsu class and I flattened myself for the experience. At first, he seemed threatened by me; he couldn’t fathom a masculine presenting presence having a dual platonic relationship with two attractive feminine presenting entities. He thought I had to banging one of ‘em. I couldn’t just be being friends. But we do. We are. I love them. We broed out with the irony lost on him; I struggle to relate my newfound gender identity to new people. I struggle to relate it to old friends who knew me before I knew me, but I felt as accepted as I ever was with them. Kelly came to me, drunker than she’d ever been, and cried in my lap. I wasn’t sure why she was upset, she couldn’t seem to articulate it or anything else, but I helped her into bed, glad I could be there for her. I may have overstayed my welcome, squatting in the daybed for a week, but I love that city. I reconnected with Roni and they gave me my highest highs, and my lowest lows, journeying to the highrise dance parties, and the basement bar belows. I left Chicago only with the promise of my closest friend to see next, my Water.

The third stop was Reconfiguration, I reconvened with the squidlord, TJ, and he opened his home to me fully and I could feel my soul reaching exponential bouts of healing here. I walked the streets of Perkasie, Pennsylvania, and garnered strange looks for my queer appearance. I got lost but I enjoyed it. He played hooky and took me to NYC where we see the Times Square, we Tai Chi in Central Park, and he misses his girlfriend’s texts. I am reminded of the spouse I left and the passive aggression for my identical transgressions. I ate street food, I poured out my entire romantic history to him as he strummed his ukelele. I didn’t mean to keep it so secret; our time together in college lent to a dual lifestyle: romantic and social were separate. I don’t know that he understands more now, but he knows more now; water struggles to perfectly reflect the shape and source of fire. Since the beginning of my trip, I had struggled with my break-up. In Chicago I had made peace, in Perkasie I found it. TJ, ever the empath, skirted the topic of suicide, and renewed his disdain for the exit. We listened to Listener, their newer work topical. I wanted him to reinvite me to live with him, but he didn’t. I left for my next destination, between NC and Chicago, my oldest internet friends implored me to visit, and given the week between opportunities to link up, I had gone to Perkasie. So, I carted off to Fort Wayne, Indiana.

My fourth destination was Sublimation, the subtlety, the transcendent, the phase change. I showed up late, and was greeted with first a soft intensity inside eyes. I descended into their basement and ensconced my weird ass in their wonderful family. Soothing cold fingers lightly brushed my heated skin as I imbibed the alcohol I’m super allergic to, to catch up with everyone else. I remember dancing, I remember thinking to be careful and respectful, she has a boyfriend, I remember dancing close enough to nudge once accidentally, and every subsequent wanton nudge was frivolously shameless. I don’t remember what happened next. I woke up, still drunk, and naked, in a bedroom I didn’t recognize. I regrouped and pissed and found my bearings, and she was there, her neck torn to shreds, a signature of mine reserved for my deepest drunken emotions. I haven’t done that to someone since I had my skeleton rended from my body, years ago. I didn’t remember, but the memory was there, buried in her earth, and I could feel it, and I do remember that next morning I spent digging for the memory with her again. And again and again. I almost made her late for work. I slept on the couch to shake off the drink and hangover, and awoke to dinner plans once she and her mother returned home from work. I was made conscious of my current unemployed status, and I wore the bruises she gave me on my neck defiantly. We talked about what happened without remorse. We flirted casually and lightly, hunting Pokemon with her family in their mammoth obsessed hometown. I tried to climb one at her behest, but I could feel my core trembling, my legs still weak. I had given her all of my fire. We returned home and made love again and again. There wasn’t single awkward silence in the immense amount of silence we shared, the intense longing eye contact we shared, the energy flowing between us that we shared. By this time, I had no money left to simultaneously feed myself and put gas in my car to make it home. I didn’t want to leave her, but I promised to return sooner than possible. I left with a heart beat I could hear again. I had forgotten what it was to fall in love with someone naturally and not try to force it for old times. My final destination was the only one planned before I left.

My fifth stop was Syncopation. My friend, Brandon, in Memphis, and his musical stylings. I arrived through the night, into the day, and met his improv friend on no sleep. I wrote for him in his journal, and he wrote for me. By this time I hadn’y paid my phone bill for a month and had no chance of doing so now. Without data, I couldn’t message Her without a wifi connection. It was a less than optimal situation; I feared giving the impression of nonchalance. Brandon played me a ballad, dedicated to me and my journey, and I rapped over it with an honest retelling of the Story So Far + Some Other Tangential Things. He lamented not recording it. I love things that live in moments. I spent one night and the next day. While he worked, I went with Shelby, his roommate, and also my old friend from college, to her place of work, the Memphis Zoo, where she got me in for free. I wandered the animals, and took in the sunshine. I saw a woman hit her head on a wall in the Nightmare room, but she was fine. I proceeded to get ultra lost in Memphis, and unable to connect to even Starbucks wifi. I navigated by touch and cavalier direction picking and arrived at his house. I was unable to access the inside, though a former lover of Shelby’s was sleeping off a hangover within. Brandon came home, let me in, and I played videogames and read until he came home. The ex eventually left, and Shelby broke down in tears, disgusted by the experience. The ex was an emotional vampire, and Shelby struggled to say no. She blamed herself for reasons she shouldn’t have, the ex took advantage of her and Brandon’s hospitality. I remember being good at the kind of honesty good here.. I felt for her, but I didn’t know yet how to show it again. I’m glad I could be there for her, though. I left that night and arrived in Ocean Springs, only falling asleep at the wheel 14 times. I crashed direct into my bed, a cool $0.14 over target to make it home, indicator on E, and slept for a long time. 

Over the last two weeks, I’ve done nothing but pine for someone in Indiana, and my life on the road. By tomorrow, I’ll have both back, if the road only for a little while. 

[worksofphiction]

April Fools Fic

Summary: This whole thing started out as a joke. Phil hadn’t meant any harm. He just wanted Dan to know that he could also pull a cheeky prank.. Genre: Fluff + Tiny bit of Angst (if you squint) Word Count: 6,994 Reading Time: 00:25:46 Disclaimer: Characters are works of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. I do not own Dan or Phil and as far as I know, this will never happen. <3

So Ao3 is down until 3:00pm…RIP.

I’ll post it here when it comes back up, but for now, happy April Fools Day folks. This thing was totally not planned so I’m sorry if it’s kind of meh. <3

This whole thing started out as a joke. Phil hadn’t meant any harm.

It was early in the morning and Phil was used to a quiet house until 12:00 when his best friend and flatmate would wake up. He rolled out of bed at 9:00, regretting his choice of staying up with Dan the night before because he had a lot of editing to do and he had already yawned thrice since he had left the bed. As he took his morning shower, he remembered that it was April Fool’s Day and he laughed a little, excited about the new DanandPhilCRAFTS video that they were scheduled to put out that day. Phil had never been one for pranks and a couple years back when Dan had the idea of pretending that they were a thing, Phil turned him down because he wasn’t really comfortable with that - especially after what happened in 2012, and they came up with the craft idea which was pretty amazing anyway. People really responded well to that.

But Phil was no stranger to a good old fashioned trick. He always got excited as a kid because in his house, April Fools Day was always just an excuse to play little tiny tricks on his friends and family. He remembered dying his family’s milk red one year and flipping his kitchen table upside down. He chuckled to himself as he remembered the harmless pranks that he’d pulled in the past, kind of itching to do one this year.

Dan was not an easy target however. He was one of those people who, like Phil, found little pranks hilarious and more often than not, Dan was playing them on Phil. Whether those pranks were jumping out and scaring him and filming it for the world to see or putting flower in his hairdryer after a shower, Phil knew it wouldn’t be easy to get Dan back because he was always expecting it. Especially on a day like today. One thing he had gotten pretty good at however, was snapping pictures of Dan while he was asleep or not paying attention. Those were easy. Dan couldn’t be on guard when his eyes were closed or he was lying on the floor and brainstorming a video. He obviously trusted Phil enough that he wouldn’t bother him too much while he was taking a catnap or slouching over on the couch and drooling. But Phil was not above taking those photos. They were admittedly pretty funny. His fists balled when he thought about the picture Dan took at the oscars party, shaking his head and deciding that he was going to get Dan back today. He was going to play a harmless little prank that would get Dan back for that sneaky little photo.

Phil stepped out of the shower and got himself ready for the day. He pulled on some sharks and dolphins and padded out into the hallway. Dan’s door was still closed. Perfect. This was the opportunity he was waiting for. Usually, Phil didn’t go into Dan’s room without an invitation, but Phil figured that since it was a special occasion, he would be let off the hook when Dan found out.

He placed his hand on the handle of the door, gently twisting it and sliding the door open a crack. Luckily, the door was totally silent. The position of Dan’s bed made it easy for him to snap a picture without even opening the door all the way. Phil didn’t even have to slip his head in. He could just point the phone and shoot. Plus, Dan was lying on his back and there was no way he was going to be able to see Phil even if he was awake. Phil slipped his hand into his pocket, grabbed his phone and aimed it through the crack, onto Dan’s sleeping form. He couldn’t see Dan’s face in the frame which his friend would probably appreciate because he knew how particular Dan was about his appearance in photos. There were no chances for fringe checks today as Phil quickly took the cheeky shot and backed out of the room within about two seconds flat. He didn’t want Dan to wake up because how the hell would he explain that one? “Yeah, I’m just creeping around and watching you while you sleep?” He didn’t even really have time to look at the photo itself, all he knew was that Dan hadn’t caught him and he had finally gotten him back for that one during the oscars.

He snickered as he entered the living room and turned on the usual. Some re-runs of the British Bake Off would do. After all, he wouldn’t want to watch an episode the he hadn’t seen before. Dan would surely be pissed if he missed some more curdled cake tears. He opened up Twitter and scrolled through some of his feed. There were plenty of celebrities and friends that were playing into the day, having the same ideas about pranking their followers. Phil rolled his eyes at some he saw on Casper’s Twitter and one he saw on Zoe’s. He laughed at some cute dog gifs, some compilation of dogs falling into snow, then his thumb drifted toward the top of the screen. He clicked on the little icon in the top right, a blank canvas ready to receive his little prank.

@danisnotonfire April Fools! Sincerely, your flatmate who is getting stealthier!

He quickly attached the photo and then hit send faster than he had ever sent a tweet. He was excited for the world to finally realize that it was not only Dan who could pull a good prank, Phil was just as capable.

For forty seconds, he was happy. He was proud of himself and he was just about to continue watching his program when he heard a loud bang and a door swing open.

“Phil Lester!” Dan’s scream was loud and Phil could hear it clearly, as if Dan was sitting right beside him. He smirked a little because he had a feeling he knew what was coming his way. He loved riling his best friend up like this. But he thought too soon, because suddenly he heard his friend stomp down the hallway and Phil’s brow furrowed. Those didn’t seem like friendly stomps. They seemed like actually angry stomps.

Sure enough, Dan’s face appeared in the doorway and then the rest of his body, his pokemon trainer trakkies hanging low on his hips and his shirt left on his bedroom floor. When Phil looked up at Dan’s face, expecting a smile, he was greeted with pure anger.

“You need to delete that tweet right now,” Dan ordered with a hostile tone. Whatever was left of Phil’s smile fell from his face and a frown took its place. He was frozen. It was just a prank. What was Dan so angry about? “NOW PHIL.”

Phil’s eyes widened and he crossed his arms.

“Why? What’s the problem? You took a picture of me a few weeks ago while I was sleeping! How come I can’t-”

“Phil. Delete the photo.” Dan was rubbing his temples, clearly flustered and upset about this as Phil reached for his phone.

“I mean, fine, but I don’t understand-”

“Did you look at it?”

“Hm?” Phil was scrolling and leisurely making his way to twitter where he found his post and thumbed over the delete button.

“Did you look at the photo before you bloody posted it?” Dan asked, putting his fists on his hips. The tweet was deleted and Phil was unsure what Dan was on about. He navigated to his photo album on his phone and opened up the photo. He glanced up at Dan who was still fuming, raising his eyebrows as if he was daring Phil to take a good hard look at what was in front of him. Phil was entirely confused, but he looked down and analyzed the picture.

“Of course I looked at it. What are you-”

Phil stopped.

Oh.

He didn’t think he had ever fucked up so completely.

Not in his entire life.

Dan seemed to notice his realization as he probably could see Phil turn as red as the tomato on their counter.

“I. Wasn’t. Sleeping.” Dan said through gritted teeth, his face turning a soft shade of red as well.

Sure enough, Dan was right. Phil hadn’t looked closely enough at the photo he took to notice that Dan was in fact not asleep, he was very much awake, taking care of a unique problem that likes to surprise their gender in the morning. Phil had zoomed in and although it was hardly noticeable when looking at the picture from afar, Phil could clearly see Dan’s monstrous hand, wrapped around what could only be, without mistake, Dan’s dick.

“Oh crap.” Phil said, because he couldn’t think of anything else to say. He heard Dan scoff as his heartbeat stopped.

“Oh crap?” Dan asked. “That’s all you have to say? Oh CRAP?”

“I-I’m SO sorry…oh my god.” The reality of what had happened finally hit him and he self declared himself as the worst friend in the entire world. “Oh my god. Dan. I should have-”

Silence.

“I should have looked. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I just-” He couldn’t finish a sentence he was too embarrassed. He couldn’t even imagine what Dan felt like right now. Half the internet had just seen his dick and here he was, standing in the door, probably plotting Phil’s murder.

But Dan only narrowed his eyes and stared at Phil who swore he was about to cry and Phil watched as he took a deep breath, releasing it and nodded with pursed lips.

“Next time, just check before you post a photo. You should know better.” Dan said the words flatly, turned on his heels, then fled the room, his bedroom door shutting with a slight slam. No yelling. No screaming. Just a calm voice and then nothing.

Phil was left shaking, in disbelief. How could he have been so stupid? Dan was right. He should know better. Their life was documented left and right. Their followers were relentless. They picked out little blemishes and claimed they were hickeys. They always had to check their side tables for incriminating objects because they would never live it down if they left fucking lotion on the desk. God forbid. The phandom dug for this kind of shit and Phil had just handed it to them on a silver platter. And oh fuck, now he was getting tweets. Shit shit shit.

Phil was a complete flop.

But right now, the internet was the last thing on his mind. Dan. Dan was the first. Dan was probably fuming. Hell, he would be too. Phil had literally shown his most private parts to the world and he hadn’t said more than “you should know better.” There was something wrong about that. Dan must be really really mad. With good reason of course. But it was rare that Dan didn’t voice his opinion so Phil needed to suck up his own terror and embarrassment and go make sure his friend was doing alright.

He got up from the couch and he migrated to the closed door that guarded his best friend’s room (he wasn’t even sure if he held best friend status anymore to be honest). He knocked lightly and shuffled so he wasn’t standing so close to the door.

“Dan?” He called once there was no answer. “Dan can I come in?”

“I’d rather you not.” Dan’s voice was monotone and Phil could tell he wasn’t a happy camper. Phil stayed silent and waited a few seconds. That seemed to be the answer Dan was going with and Phil couldn’t tell if he was meant to try harder or just back off. But Dan seemed to make that decision by yelling out to him again. “But if you’re just going to stand there silently, then you might as well.”

Phil didn’t think that sounded like an invitation, but he took it as one, desperate to fix this. He would do just about anything.

He opened the door slowly and found Dan sitting at his piano with his hands over the keys. He wasn’t playing, Dan didn’t play very often, he just liked to sit there when he was thinking, sometimes playing a note to jive a memory or something. It seemed he wasn’t even doing that today. Just sitting on the bench with his back slouched and his head staring blankly at the Guild Wars shrine above it. Phil would have smiled if he wasn’t in such trouble. Dan was awfully cute when he was thinking really hard about something. Not that he was thinking that right now. The room was awfully tense.

“I’m really-”

“I know.” Dan spat out. He didn’t give Phil the chance to apologize. Not even a little. “I know you’re sorry. I’m not mad at you.”

“Y-you’re not?” Phil asked meekly.

“No.” Dan sighed, his hands fell from their position and he looked up at the older boy. “I’m not mad. It was a mistake. I get it.”

Phil let out the breath he was holding, running a shaky hand through his fringe.

“I’m just frustrated. There’s nothing we can do about it now. You deleted the tweet. So…” Dan just looked to the floor. “I’m not mad at you, Phil. Relax. I’m just mad about the situation.”

Phil blessed his friend for being so understanding. Phil thought to himself that he might not be the same. He was impressed if he was being honest. Dan seemed a lot more collected than Phil would have been.

“How can I help?” Phil asked, the guilt in his stomach still making him want to hurl. Dan shrugged.

“You can’t. What’s done is done.” Dan said, turning his body and his fingers back to the keys. “Just…try not to respond to anything. People are already…”

There was a slight hesitation.

“…talking about it.”

The guilt reminded Phil again that it was his fault, Dan’s dejected voice sounding rather sad. Phil wished he could turn back time.

“Well…” Phil started. “If you think of anything I could do…”

“Yeah, okay.” Dan said, nodding, staring at the poster again. “I’ll let you know.”

Phil nodded and shuffled on his feet for a minute before deciding that he should leave Dan alone for a bit. The last thing Phil wanted was to be a bother. He left the room and closed the door, going back to his reruns, not really paying attention anyway.

-

Phil didn’t see Dan again for at least a few hours. Phil thought that maybe he would be hungry, but Dan must have had snacks stashed away because he didn’t leave his room again until nearly suppertime. Phil couldn’t help but think it was his fault. In retrospect, perhaps he should have left the flat so Dan could have some space away from him.

But Dan did show up in the doorway of the lounge and asked if Phil wanted a pizza. Phil checked the time and only then realized it had gotten that late. He nodded and Dan disappeared again to order their usuals.

Phil expected Dan to take his pizza and hide out in his room again, but he brought it to the lounge and plopped himself down in the sofa crease that Phil had left open for him if he had decided to come join him during the day. Phil tried not to act surprised with the younger boy opened the lid of the box and took a photo of it and then tweeting it. Phil understood that it would probably be pretty bad if he had gone radio silence since the incident. But while he was trying to pretend that he wasn’t staring at Dan, studying what he would do next, he suddenly noticed the brown eyes on him.

“What?” Dan asked, his voice quiet as he bit into a slice of pizza. “Aren’t you hungry?”

Phil nodded and snapped out of it. He grabbed a slice and took a massive bite.

“Phil?” Of course it was after that bite that Dan decided to say something and Phil turned his head with his full cheeks, earning a tiny chuckle before Dan kept going. “I have to talk to you about something.”

Phil’s heart fell to his stomach. Suddenly he wasn’t sure the bite was going to go down. Had Dan finally come to his senses? Was he going to move out? Did he not trust Phil anymore? Were they not allowed to be friends? His mind was whirring and apparently Dan could tell from his wide eyes that Phil was thinking into a hole.

“It’s really important so I need you to listen for a second.”

Dan had never used this tone on him. Even if Phil wanted to talk, his mouth was full of pizza and it felt like it had been sewn shut. He just nodded gently, hoping that was enough to let Dan know he was in serious mode. Dan just fidgeted with his sleeve and was barely making eye contact.

“I wasn’t going to tell you this, but seeing as we met unfortunate circumstances this morning, it sort of seems appropriate…” Dan started, his face turning a shade of red that Phil hadn’t seen in a long while. The haircuts they got a few days before revealed Dan’s cheekbones that were flushed a pretty pink. “I think you should know that I haven’t been telling you everything I should be telling you, Phil.”

What was Dan on about? Did he kill someone? Was he suddenly confessing to a life of crime and a death sentence? Who actually was Dan Howell?

“You know how you always tell me that I should let you know if I’m having irrational thoughts? You know…the ones that put me in an existential crisis?” Dan started, his eyes dropping to his lap. Phil nodded and Dan saw it in the corner of his eye. “Well I’ve been having some of those thoughts. For a while now. And they’re not the normal ones. You know, the ones about death? Those I can usually tolerate. But these…” Dan played with the hem of his shirt. “…these thoughts are a little more difficult to deal with.”

“What do you mean?” Phil spoke up, not too sure where Dan was going with this.

“Phil, when you caught me this morning, I wasn’t just thinking about some random hot guy on pornhub,” Dan admitted as his voice got quieter. “I was thinking about you.”

Phil nearly choked.

What?

“This started a few weeks ago and I can��t seem to get it out of my head. I just…I know I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about my best friend, but I feel like I should come clean before it gets any worse,” Dan said, his voice kind of frantic now, almost like he was worried he wouldn’t get everything out before Phil said something to shut him down. “And I get it if you totally hate me…I just-”

“No, no, I don’t hate you…” Phil trailed, his mind blanking entirely. “I just didn’t…expect it, is all.”

“Yeah…” Dan said. His head was hung and Phil was totally lost. This day had been a roller coaster. It was like the Universe had decided that it was going to screw with Phil’s life today. No mercy.

Phil thought about what Dan just said, Phil’s eyes locked onto the pizza box in front of him. He thought hard. A few weeks was a long time to fester on a crush. Why did Dan think it was a good idea to tell him about it? Did he expect Phil to feel the same way? Oh no…Phil felt himself getting hotter. He loved Dan, a lot. He was his best friend. But he most certainly didn’t think of Dan in the same way that Dan was describing. Dan was a wonderful human being and Phil knew that he was objectively good looking but Phil had never looked at Dan that way and it didn’t really seem possible for him to think of him as anything more than a pal. What the hell was he supposed to say? Dan was sitting there quietly, his emotions on the table and his best friend was staring at the food in front of him like some sort of dumbass. God, Phil was not on his A-game today. He wondered if it had anything to do with…

That was it.

April Fools Day.

Suddenly, Phil understood what was going on here.

“Oh!” Phil exclaimed, seeming to startle the boy beside him as he jumped, his head snapping up to Phil’s face which was sporting a wide grin. “I see what’s going on here.”

“Y-you do?” Dan’s eyebrows raised and his eyes looked like a deer in the headlights.

“Don’t play dumb, D-slice. This is payback for this morning!” Phil laughed, clutching his stomach and nodding. “Very funny. You nearly got me for a second.”

Dan was silent, staring at him with the same shocked expression for moments before Phil saw Dan’s slightly agape mouth turn at the corner and he released a small chuckle as he turned to face his own pizza.

“Yeah. Ha. April Fools.” Dan grabbed his half finished slice and neared it to his mouth. Phil kept eating at his own, patting his friend on the back.

“Good one, Dan. I nearly believed you.”

“Mmhmm.” Dan said, shoving more pizza in his mouth and averting his eyes from Phil’s gaze.

“You’ve gotten really good at blushing on command.” Phil was impressed. He wished he could pull something like that. Maybe that’s why he wasn’t cut out to be a prankster. “Want to watch a movie?”

“Nah, I think I’m just going to head to bed.” Dan said, closing the box. He barely ate anything and if Phil knew Dan, as he did, he would guess that something was bothering him. Then again, Dan’s dick was on the internet and Phil understood the sour mood he might be in because of that.

-

The events of April Fools Day passed and Phil realized that Dan was not getting any less weird. He was still awfully skittish around Phil and Phil rarely saw him unless they were eating together or doing something important that required both of their presence. The internet had calmed down and it became quite evident who the real phans were. Sure, people freaked out and both Dan and Phil avoided social media for a while, but clearly without even asking them to, the fans picked up on the mistake and they pretty much stopped circulating the image. Much like with the Valentine’s Day video, their fans were looking out for them and that made Phil very happy. He hadn’t wanted to mortify his flatmate but if he had to do it, it might as well be to their loyal phans.

But this made Dan’s behavior super weird because now that the image was not a part of gossip and such, Dan was unwarrantedly acting unusual. Phil didn’t like how quiet it was around the house. It was two weeks since April first and Phil had seen more of his own face in the mirror than he had of Dan. And that was surely unusual.

Phil was lying in his own bed, thinking about everything Dan had said to him. When had he started acting strange? It was surely after April Fools Day and that was the last time they had an actual conversation. What had they talked about? Ah, right, Dan’s April Fools Joke. Phil laughed a little to himself when he thought about it. That was a pretty good one. Phil thought about how quickly he fell for that one. Phil was always a little on edge about that sort of stuff. The internet could really get into your head sometimes. At first it was really annoying that so many people that didn’t know him shipped him with his best friend. He thought it was invasive and kind of weird, but he would be lying if he didn’t worry sometimes about the thoughts they had about each other. They spent nearly every second with each other, it’s impossible not to accidently think about the other during odd moments or dream about the other in a weird situation. But Phil was always afraid that one day, one of them was going to wake up in love with the other and the other wouldn’t feel the same way. He didn’t think something like that could happen, but when Dan said what he had said the other day, it scared Phil for a moment. That would have been a nightmare. Phil wouldn’t have known what to do.

Phil thought back a little further to when they first met. Phil would be fibbing if he said he didn’t feel something for the younger boy way back then. He probably would have fallen for the joke a lot more had he still felt that way. The way Dan was all those years ago, small and insecure, totally unsure of who he was as a person and what he wanted to do. Phil had fallen so hard for him that he deemed it dangerous. He didn’t want to influence the impressionable boy at the time so he forced himself to get over his little crush and try to remain friends, guiding and befriending the boy so he would have someone to lean on. Since that beginning year, he hadn’t thought about Dan in that way. Dan had grown, matured, become someone that Phil was proud to be friends with and the internet was convinced that it was all because of Phil. Phil would never think that, but he knew he had a part in it. He chuckled a little as he thought about 2009 Dan and all of his issues. He was so cute and unsure. But now Dan was hot and confident, and Phil couldn’t believe he just thought those words. He shook his head. He didn’t need these thoughts to come back. He tried so hard to repress them and for some reason, opening this box of thoughts was something he only did when he was really tired and full of alcohol. He had no reason to open it while entirely sober and also awake.

But that’s not how thoughts work and now he was thinking about Dan’s smile and how much his cheeks had changed. They had gone from fleshy and pinchable to soft and sculpted. Dan’s eyes had changed from doe eyes to beautiful brown orbs that stared back at Phil with conviction and passion. Phil absolutely loved Dan’s eyes. Dan called them muddy and Phil shut that down real quick. Dan’s body had changed, turning from a lanky boy who didn’t know how to strut, to a thick and comfortable figure that could walk around with enough confidence to put Phil to shame. There really wasn’t a negative to Dan’s appearance, Phil thought. He was also just genuinely nice and suddenly tons of memories flooded behind his eyes. Ones where they ventured outside in the middle of the night because Phil just wanted some chocolate ice cream. Ones where they stayed up all night talking about silly things, Dan’s head leaning and grinning into Phil’s shoulder. Ones where they shared a bed on the tour bus because Dan’s back was in pain and Phil didn’t want to see Dan wince.

Phil was in too deep and he sat up. He needed to stop. He couldn’t think any further into this hole because on a very real note, he knew it was dangerous. This is why it was an April Fools joke, because these thoughts were invalid. It was too ridiculous. Dan knew that. Dan and Phil were not destined to be. Or they would be together already. It didn’t matter how many people shipped them, they were just friends and that was all they ever would be.

But for some reason, Phil was feeling a slight bit of disappointment and he told his brain to shut up.

-

Phil was in trouble. He shouldn’t have thought about it. Because now Dan was still being distant and all Phil could think about were the things he missed about him. His smile, his eyes, his thighs, his witty humor. He literally could list it all off the top of his head because that was all he could think about. His heart rate would spike when Dan came in to ask him a question and then his whole body would deflate when Dan shuffled off to his bedroom again. Something was wrong with Phil. He knew that he was being irrational. As Dan had joked a couple weeks ago, the thoughts were difficult to deal with.

Normally, Phil would tell Dan about this kind of thought. If it weren’t about Dan, he would have already told him. But Dan wasn’t wrong on April first. Phil wanted Dan to tell him if he ever thought things like this. It had been a joke but that’s why it was so believable. Because Dan would have told him if he had actually felt this way. But that worked both ways. Dan would expect the same from him. Phil froze, his finger stopping its scrolling through Tumblr. He needed to talk to Dan. It was only fair.

He checked the time and made sure it wasn’t too late but when he realized it was only 7:00pm, he was sure his flatmate would be up. He stood and stretched, kind of nervous. He knew it would be no big deal but he hated that him and his friend were on such bad terms. Phil would just mention that these thoughts were coming about because he missed Dan. That’s all. He was sure of it. Maybe they could do a few movie nights a week. Something to make sure Phil was getting proper Dan time. Maybe then it wouldn’t freak Dan out so much, coming clean and telling him that it was no big deal.

He arrived outside of Dan’s door and he knocked, feeling strange. He and Dan hadn’t had a proper conversation in weeks.

“Hey, Dan?” Phil called. “Do you have a second?”

“Yeah, sure, Phil. What’s up?” Dan called, inviting Phil in. Phil opened the door, slowly as usual and tried to keep his body from trembling. He wasn’t nervous. This was no big deal. Dan understood missing people, right?

“Can we talk?” Phil asked, playing with the hem of his shirt. Dan looked at his computer, clicked a few things, and then closed his laptop, scooting over on the bed and patting the space beside him.

“Sure.”

Dan still looked a little sad. Phil didn’t really have a point of reference, considering he hadn’t seen his flatmate in so long, but he liked to think that he knew Dan pretty well and this was not a joyous version of Dan.

“You can’t laugh at me.”

Dan looked confused. “Why would I laugh at you?”

“I don’t know…just…don’t, okay?” Phil requested again, trying to get Dan to understand how embarrassing this was for him to admit.

“Pinky swear. I won’t.”

“Alright…well, first of all, I want to make sure you’re okay. You’ve been kind of distant recently and I wanted to see-”

“I’m fine.” Dan jumped in, clearing his throat. “Just haven’t felt the best the last couple weeks. I think I caught something.”

“Oh…alright. Well are you feeling better?” Phil asked, hoping that meant that he wasn’t going to be hiding out as much.

“A bit.” Dan answered, not looking at Phil.

“Well…that’s good,” Phil mumbled, picking at the sheets below him. “Um…so the reason I ask, is that I have been having…”

Phil contemplated his sentence.

“I just…miss you, is all. And I keep having these…” Phil looked at Dan who didn’t seem like he was paying much attention. His face had fallen and he was looking at his own lap. “…thoughts.”

That’s when Dan’s head snapped up. Phil jumped a little.

“Thoughts?”

“Yeah…thoughts,” Phil clarified, nodding. “I don’t know where they came from but I know we have an honesty thing going on and I just wanted to tell you. I’m sorry I hope that’s not weird…”

“No, no…not weird.” Dan stumbled over his words, his eyes looking more than interested all of a sudden.

“And it’s funny,” Phil paused to let out a nervous laugh for a second. “When you were joking a couple weeks ago, you mentioned these thoughts and you said they were difficult to deal with. And I know that was a joke…but it’s funny because they are awfully hard to deal with.”

Dan gave a half laugh but his eyes never changed. They were glued to Phil’s.

“But don’t worry!” Phil quickly added. “I’ve figured it out.”

“Oh you have, have you?” Dan asked quietly, almost like he was expecting something.

“Yes! I know why I’ve been having them,” Phil declared, hoping Dan wasn’t freaking out too much. He seemed a little scared. “I think it’s just because I haven’t been around you much. I keep thinking these things because you aren’t around. So I’m glad you said you’re feeling a bit better because maybe now those thoughts will start to go away. You know?”

Dan didn’t nod. He didn’t answer. He just stared.

“I’m sorry, perhaps I should have said something sooner…” Phil said, trying to read Dan’s reaction but Dan was not moving. He wasn’t even blinking and Phil wasn’t sure what to think. “Are you…okay?”

That’s when Dan blinked and he looked down, his face getting pink again. Phil saw the color wash over his cheeks.

“What are these uh…thoughts…about?” Dan coughed, not looking up again. Phil narrowed his eyes. Dan wanted to know what he was thinking about? Wouldn’t that just make this more awkward? He wasn’t going to argue with his best friend though, especially if he wasn’t feeling well.

“Um…nothing really intense. Definitely not like what you were joking about,” Phil laughed a little, watching Dan shrink a little. “But do you want to know something really embarrassing?”

Dan looked up through his fringe and nodded slowly.

“I used to have the biggest crush on you, Dan.” Phil chuckled. “And for some reason I just keep thinking about it.”

Dan had now gripped the sheets in his hand, totally frozen. Phil hoped that what he said wasn’t too weird. He wasn’t really thinking right now and he realized that maybe telling your best friend that you used to like them was not really the best way to go about keeping a friendship.

“Sorry…that’s probably…” Phil didn’t know what to call it. TMI? Not necessary info? Crazy?

“No. It’s fine…um. Me too.” Dan said, almost mumbling. Phil’s eyes went wide.

“What?” he laughed. “You too?”

Dan was smiling now, his cheeks pink. Phil could almost see his 2009 best friend in the face that Dan was pulling.

“How have I never known this?” Phil asked, kind of amazed that this had never come up. “I mean, I got over my crush in 2010! We’ve been best friends for seven years. How come we never talked about this?”

Dan was silent again, refusing to look up from his bedsheets below him as he picked at the duvet with his fingernails.

“I mean…when did you get over yours?”

Dan stopped. He froze and Phil kind of thought it was a little creepy. He looked like a mannequin or something even more uncanny. He was staring wide-eyed at his hands and he wasn’t even blinking. Instead of the blush that was previously over his cheeks, the color had drained and Dan was looking paler than ever.

Then he mumbled something that Phil didn’t quite catch.

“What?” Phil asked, leaning a little closer to the boy who was shrinking before him.

“I didn’t.” Dan repeated, louder this time.

Now it was Phil’s turn to freeze. What did Dan mean he didn’t? That would mean…

“Wait…”

Dan looked up and met Phil’s eyes. He looked scared. Like he had just told Phil something he shouldn’t have. He was one hundred percent vulnerable and suddenly it clicked. Dan had not been joking a few weeks ago. He had not been trying to get back at Phil for pranking him. Dan had been completely and entirely serious…and Phil had just laughed.

Oh God.

Phil was being a worse friend than he thought.

But Phil didn’t have time to think about that right now. His mind was taking him back to 2009 when he looked into the younger’s eyes for the first time in person and fell for him. Now that he knew Dan felt the same way, everything was different. Now that he knew that Dan was still feeling the same way, everything was different. Everything that Phil had thought about in the past few days was rushing back to him. Dan’s eyes, his lips, his hair, his whole body. Every inch of Dan. Every single thing.

And Phil felt stupid.

He felt so stupid that he hadn’t thought about Dan like that in so long. Dan had changed so much but as Phil stared into his beautiful brown eyes, he realized that Dan was the same as he had always been. That handsome young boy who just adored Phil and would do anything for him. But now, Phil would do the same for Dan. And was that what you called love? Was Phil in love?

Well holy shit.

This was a lot to realize all at once and it was clearly showing. Phil’s face was a range of emotions but he wasn’t sure about any of them. He had no idea if he should feel angry for not knowing, happy because he felt this way, relieved because of the lack of pressure, or sad because he lost so much time while running around like a chicken with his head cut off. Dan clearly saw the confusion though and he just let Phil work it out in his head for a little bit. Phil could feel the corners of his mouth turn up a little and Dan’s eyes shifted down to view them. He was mimicking Phil’s smile and it seemed that Phil’s was growing.

Phil was racking his brain, trying to figure out the perfect thing to say. Anything to say. He just didn’t know what to do.

Luckily, Dan knew him better than anyone else. He could see the moment it all clicked for him and it was Dan who broke the silence. Not with words but with a gentle kiss to Phil’s lips.

Phil jumped, gently of course, but he kissed back and that was the moment. The moment of clarity. He was kissing Dan. Dan Howell. Youtuber, best friend, flatmate and the love of his life. His lips were soft and inviting and it seemed like they had practiced this moment for ages. It seemed like Dan had given this kiss a lot of thought which warmed Phil’s heart. He wondered what other things he didn’t know about Dan, if this had been something that he had hidden for seven years. What had Dan thought about those stupid little dates he went on with those stupid girls a few years ago? What did Dan think when Phil complained to him about being lonely and not being able to find anyone? What the hell was Dan thinking when he had caught Phil naked a few years back, having forgotten his towel and walking back from the bathroom? This explained so much and nothing at all and while he kissed the younger boy with the brown fringe, he let his hands tangle into the back of his hair, letting their lips continue their dance until Dan was through. This must have been the moment Dan had been waiting for and it must have taken entirely too long. It’s too bad Phil was so dense. Maybe they wouldn’t have had to wait.

But now he understood. He understood it all.

The kiss broke slowly and they sat breathing heavily for a moment with their foreheads pressed together.

“This isn’t some sort of sick way of getting back at me or something, is it?” Dan asked, his insecure self showing and Phil’s heart melted. He shook his head and chuckled a sad chuckle.

“Of course not, Dan. I would never do that to you,” Phil said, promising Dan something with his words. He hoped Dan didn’t think those things for long. Phil really wasn’t the pranking type.

“Good. Because I’m about to say something really stupid and I want to make sure it’s worth it.”

Phil said nothing, kissing Dan lightly on the lips and smiling in support.

“I love you, Phil Lester.” Dan whispered. “And I’ve loved you for seven years.”

Phil’s heart was a puddle. Dan sounded so sweet and it was as if 2009 Dan was sitting inches from him and telling Phil himself. Dan had probably waited for years to say those words. In that order. To Phil. He could feel the waterworks happening behind his eyes. He felt guilty - of all things. Because he was just not realizing how much he loved Dan. He supposed that he knew, deep deep down, but he wouldn’t let himself think about it. But now that he was…oh, now that he was. He could feel the way Dan’s words affected him. He could feel the butterflies in his stomach.

“I love you too, Dan Howell.”

Before he could say or do another thing, Dan kissed him again and this time, Phil didn’t think he was ever going to let go.

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon White Randomized Nuzlocke Run [Part 4]

We have an invitation to run off and battle one of our rival characters for free exp, so in the immediate wake of earning the third badge, that is where those still remaining shall march off.

Still breathing:

Frogger (Seismitoad)

Ptera (Archeops)

Palm (Breloom)

Batman (Escavalier)

But instead of running where game progression wants us to...

Back to the bridge. I wish I had my bike. As much as I love these monstrosities in this game, I’ve done a lot of back and forth in my grinding quest. This should hopefully cover it for a while. One last time for grins.

Or. Not.

My memory was that this guy left after you earned the Bug badge. I guess that was mistaken. So I guess I get to run all the way back across the bridge, since I just wasted my time.

I know I can’t catch whatever’s in the dark grass he’s blocking off, but I still really want to know what’s available. I guess I am doomed to wait until later.

Off to fight Bianca.

I haven’t given my Amulet Coin to anyone yet. I’ll give it to Frogger. Ptera’s still batting first because there’s no reason not to, but he has Acrobatics, so no items for him. He will have to play with other people and pokemon, not toys.

Frogger has seniority. He will care for our finances.

Heeeeey, Bianca.

Give me levels.

I love how these fights always reference the mess me and my friends made of my room in the first five seconds. We’ve learned so much. Now we ask before we have fights indoors, and keep in mind the expensive electronics nearby.

She has a level 18 Herdier. It doubtless knows Bite.

That no longer concerns us.

Frogger is permitted to duel with her bloodthirsty level 20 Patrat. A dangerous foe, to be sure. Arrogance has been no friend to us in past altercations with it.

I am ridiculously overleveled.

A level 18 Munna and Pansear will round out her team, and Frogger will slay them both with distinction, granting us no levels and money. We can settle for money.

Bianca always makes me so sad. Watching a character’s enthusiasm dwindle is never fun, no matter the game, and she’s such a sweetheart. It isn’t her fault the plot won’t let her win. She calls me her friend and remembers to ask permission to have pokemon battles indoors.

Then she says more stuff and me being sad about her sad feelings is less important because she’s talking about all of her happy feelings thanks to the journey.

Maybe I should stop talking about parts of the story I barely remember as they’re happening and just read.

See now, you, you I have no problems beating.

Opening move is a level 20 Pidove. I think we can safely switch that to past tense. Same for the level 20 Pansage, level 22 Meganium I keep forgetting he has, and level 20 Liepard.

Palm was given the Liepard to feast upon.

The rest were tribute for Ptera.

Hello what is up, are we doing a thing?

Oh. No, she just called to let us know she’ll be waiting for us at the next city. You know, in the old days, professors would just show up unannounced and throw eggs at whatever ten-year-old happened to be closest and tell them to run around so it’ll hatch.

I’m not sure I like this more modern approach of politeness.

Three cheers for being allowed to move forward again. Onward, to trainers who will not expect a level 32 Archeops!

Naturally, what all this time I spend being ridiculously overpowered is going to do is build a false sense of confidence, and at some point in the future I will, once again, suffer horrific losses that shine a light on my hubris.

Then I’ll go through another grind session, whining all the way, and the segment after that, I’ll be back to being superpowered.

Knowing this should theoretically protect me from letting it happen. Let’s watch.

!

It’s a new area!

Is it... could that possibly mean...?

...

Hey Randomizer what in the fuck.

Uh.

Um.

...Game, the dramatic legendary music is not helping much with thought. At all. Let me think... I know it’s at least partly Flying (in as much as I know anything, so without looking it up, I don’t actually have a clue). I don’t know a thing about its moveset in general, forget at this level.

I guess before I start asking complicated questions like what’s best suited to wound it and not die, I should try throwing a Quick Ball.

I have those.

I sometimes have luck to go with. Let’s hope now is one of those times.

I do not foresee enjoying this encounter.

Adding to the trouble, whatever this thing’s typing is, it is not resistant to sandstorms. It’s going to take damage every single turn, and has an abysmal catch rate to boot.

I think Palm can get a hit in without killing it. Mach Punch is weak against Flying.

So it knows Gust and Swagger. One Mach Punch without the aid of Swagger got it to almost mid health. I don’t think I get to attack it again. I should just let the sandstorm do its work. Frogger knows how to stand still.

Add Bite to the moveset list, but nothing on my team cares anymore! Insert sobs here.

You know. I’m looking at the Poke Balls I have available, and I can’t help but notice that my stock does not have legendaries in mind. I have ten of the standard model, but everything else is in the single digits. Single digits that don’t even fill up one hand.

...It’s going to die to Sandstorm before I can catch it, isn’t it?

My only Ultra Ball is now gone.

I don’t think I’ve gotten a single roll for it yet. I have maybe four more chances.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GLORY TO THE POWER OF THE DUSK BALL!

Pure Flying, you do not fill any gaps in my team at all except for conceivably the most crucial: The number gap. If I’d lost another route, I would have been very sad indeed.

What do I name you, though?

Gelding.

Because I can’t look at this set of legendaries without thinking about Wind Waker, so you get Zelda, then gusts and gales and all things blustery tend to start with G, and ‘ing’ is just a nice finisher.

(Looking up pokemon stuff is against my self-imposed rules, but dictionary stuff isn’t. I knew when I picked the name that it was an actual word, and something to do with animals, maybe to do with leggy ones, but did not remember what, just that it is a nice sounding word. I was banking on it being deer related.

Nope.

Sorry about your name, Gelding. It’s staying now.)

Gelding is Lax and proud of his power. I never like seeing either of the Defense stats in the blue, but I have zero memory of what this legendary is good for anyway. Presumably you’re going to be an overpowered monstrosity that I accidentally kill.

I think, rather than exploring the Resort area further (there’s some sort of underground section that it’s own area somewhere in there, so maybe, maybe teammate number six lurks beneath), I’m going to head to the next town and buy some more catching supplies.

That was far from a chill catch.

In lieu of thinking, I’m going to throw the Exp. Share on Gelding. He is twenty levels behind. As a responsible trainer who is absolutely not going to be his leading cause of death, I wish to correct that imbalance.

Oh yeah, you wanted me for something.

Free stuff! Free stuff I actually want! Thank you Professor Juniper, I will remember this the next time I complain about you interrupting my wanderings with things like story progression!

ffs guys, I just want to hit the PokeCenter. Could you stop stealing things for five scenes?

Could you also stop having things like Watchdogs? I do not enjoy fighting such creatures, as they make me needlessly paranoid and cast lingering glances at the empty spots in my roster.

Yo, I have a bike! I didn’t think you got that so early in this one. Thank you, random old person. My bridge-traversing ways are forever in your debt. Oh, wait, not so random. He runs a Day Care.

The store in this town does not sell Ultra Balls.

I’m not going to stock up too much, just in case healing items become as desirable as I think they might in the future, but I grab thirty Poke Balls and twenty Great Balls. I might not need them, but I don’t want to be thrown into a situation where the one thing I can catch on a route is a legendary, and I can’t catch it.

Having said that, there will be no more legendaries anywhere in the rest of the map.

But okay, healed up, time to head back to the Resort and maybe meet lucky number six.

[Pictured above: First of the things not caught in Desert Resort]

I need to make a note to enjoy myself properly with the Randomizer at some point. Part of me is a little sad that my first experience is being spent on a Nuzlocke run.

Then the rest of me considers my self control, and considers that having some clear boundaries the first time out isn’t such a bad thing.

-rubs hands together-

Show me something good, game.

Excuse me, what in the fuck.

Quick Ball?

Yeah, that’s a strong no.

Ptera will chomp right through it. I don’t know its moves. Fire would murder Batman and Palm, but Frogger doesn’t have anything that wouldn’t murder Entei. Risking Gelding feels wrong, but Gelding has the best Type for this.

Okay, buddy.

Try. Not to die.

Entei has Bite and Ember.

Gelding at 13 HP put Entei just into the orange. So.

I’m going to use up my Premier Balls, because if it comes down to it, I do have a couple of Timer Balls. I don’t think I can do anything to damage it further without risking death on one side. Besides, who knows, maybe one will work.

(No.)

Entei also has Leer.

That’s a much scarier move when it has all the time in the world to use it.

...And it has Roar.

Oh please no. Do not let this fool’s errand end that way.

I’ve watched a Ultra Ball roll three times twice now. This is torture.

I am really glad Roar keeps failing, but I don’t know enough about why it is to know if that will continue or not. Usually with things in the wild, Roar just ends the fight, and I don’t have any Ability that I know of to counter it.

I have one Ultra Ball left.

Aaaaaand it’s gone.

Sigh.

Thanks, Professor Juniper.

Holy fuck, casual Heal Ball of despair for the win.

What to call you, what to call you...

You have a cloud on your back... Cloud is a Final Fantasy character... F is for... Fido!

Good dog!

Do you know what that means?

I have six!

Time for healing and grinding and finding out what non-legendary things I could have gotten instead, not that I would have preferred less heart stress in rounding out my team!

Having a Fire type is also really, really useful. I tend to use Fire as my multipurpose enforcers, especially against things like Electric types, so Fido is a high quality boon.

Is this Randomizer accidentally set to Badass Mode?

There’s also Altaria here. The first non-heart eyes option is Lickitung. Look at all these things that aren’t legendaries. Of course, now I’ve been spoiled, and just want to run ahead to the next area where I can catch a thing again. I want to know what it will be. The curiosity. It drives progress.

I found a Fire Stone in the Resort. This is worth mentioning because out of the options, a Fire Stone is the evolutionary stone I already chose to have in my collection.

A lot of my choices don’t seem to result in anything nearly as helpful as I intended for them.

I forgot out big the Resort area is. Or maybe it just feels larger because all the sand kills visibility.

I have no memory of this place.

Wait. Something about... the Fire/Bug type Alder has? Champion’s name is Alder, right? I think at some point in the game you can come across that somewhere in here? Maybe?

I dunno, let’s explore.

Still Relic Castle, so nothing to catch here, sadly.

Is this the way out if you go down the quick sand portals on the other side? Probably.

Aw, there’s Kangaskhan down here. I’ve never played through a game with one of those. I think I always trade to get it. That would have been cool.

Not that I’m judging Fido’s place in the team or anything. I am just providing color commentary.

There’s also Vanillish.

I need an area where I can catch something again. All this cool stuff is tormenting me.

The problem with Ptera being so strong, and resisting the Sandstorm, is that I’m coming up short on a compelling reason to swap him out for someone else. He’s just so perfectly competent.

Resort also has Mareep. So many treasures.

I’m trying to hit all the trainers here, but I think I’m mostly making myself lost.

Would this randomized mode perhaps like to chill?

It’s another Relic Castle one, so I don’t get to try to catch it, but honestly, what in the fuck. I am going to run out of legendaries to catch by my sixth badge at this rate.

...Well. Probably not. I don’t care to do the math on that, but there are kind of a lot of legendaries at this point. But still, what the heck.

Oh hey, a Walrein! That’s not a legendary! What a twist.

I should consider switching Ptera’s spot more strongly. He is four levels higher than the next highest.

Hello, there.

So it hasn’t really come up, but I think the rules I’m choosing to use are that I can use gift pokemon, but only if they’re randomized. I’m not sure if the fossils will be their usual selves or not. I’m going to pick the Cover Fossil either way, since Ptera doesn’t need to have an insecurity added to life, but it would be neat if it turned out to be something new.

Ugh, but that would mean going all the way back to the fossil gym.

...When do I get Fly?

Eh, I have six at the moment anyway. There’s no rush.

...

I need to know.

No such luck. Dear turtle friend, were this a normal run, you would be a grand addition, and I would love you muchly, but as we are doing what we’re doing here, you must go unnamed and into a box. Fear not, you are not dead, merely forever frozen and unused.

Back to Resort grinding.

(Hooray for bicycles.)

Relic Castle continues to astound.

This is so awesome. I hope whoever programmed Randomizer is out living their best life.

Okay, Ptera’s 35. I need to give something else a chance. Palm, show me what you’re made of and train up our new legendary pals. Though as long as I’m doing this in a specific area... I mean, I won’t go out of my way to EV train, but Palm is already swimming upstream with his Nature. Maybe I’ll just give him a level and switch over to Frogger.

Not that I even remember what any of these things dish out. HP, maybe?

...Ptera really is the best thing on my team to manage this stuff. Maybe I should just go deal with the next gym.

Batman, how about you go ahead and murder a bunch of Cresselia for me. It’ll be our bonding experience. You like killing Psychic things, right? I seem to recall something about our first meeting...

No, okay, fine, I won’t hold that grudge. We’re partners now, and that’s all that matters.

On fourth thought, I’m just gonna stay upstairs and let Frogger take out Entei when Fido isn’t clearing out the Budew. Gelding’s almost 30, so I won’t feel obligated to keep the Exp. Share on for much longer.

Fido is at a level where this is actually annoying. My kingdom for a legendary that learns good moves early. Ember is just not all that great, and Budew’s Water Sport is annoying to work through.

Roar keeps not working for the wild Entei. I have no idea why that is, but it’s convenient. Having my free exp scare me away every other time would be frustrating as heck.

Eh, Fido learned Fire Spin. Yay. Its leading quality is being slightly more appealing to me than Roar.

Wait a moment. Fido. I didn’t take a look at what you’re like. I was so excited to have six that I completely forgot to check up on you.

Fido is Sassy and often dozes off. What that means is largely lost on me, but in general losing out on some Speed to up a Defense stat is okay in my book. The ability never had the option of being something else, I don’t think.

A belated welcome, doggo.

...Good grief you need better moves.

...It learned Stomp.

Okay, everyone’s 30 or higher, time to return to the plot.

Wow, I did not expect that. It’s so weird when random NPCs just hand out HMs.

I’d forgotten about the stadium trainers. I think every day they have different sports going on, and each set contains trainers. I have vague memories of grinding using them. ..I probably could have just hung around here instead of Relic Castle.

Oh well, more levels for me.

Is this where we have our Ferris Wheel thing?

(I remember so little of these games, yet N possibly having a thing for the protagonist has stuck in the consciousness of the internet for so long that it is what sticks.)

Yeah, this happens.

Tale as old as time.

I want N’s hat. Will Pokemon Go make his outfit available at some point? That would be neat. The protagonist gear always looks a bit dorky. Unlike turtlenecks and button-up shirts.

He has a nice hat.

Elesa, why does your gym look like this. It makes me want to go play laser tag.

Time for some exp I don’t really need.

Nimbasa has a lot going for it. I think this is the generation where I realized how you could breed things and EV train them, so I spent a lot of time messing around with the subway features. I wasn’t very good. I think I wanted my trainer card to reach a higher tier of color?

Yeah, that didn’t work. It was all confusing, and mostly I just wasn’t good enough at coming up with strategies. Or copying them efficiently.

...Are there really only two trainers here? And the other sport court has a game in progress. Dang it.

I don’t remember if I have to participate in the Pokemon Musical.

I know I don’t wanna.

Bianca is walking me inward. This does not bode well.

I have a Prop Case now.

What part of “I don’t wanna” is so hard to understand. ;-;

Gelding, you want to put on a show? You’re probably most likely to be swapped out if I see anything I like in future routes, so we should treasure our time together while we can.

By which I mean we will participate in mutual suffering.

It’s an expression of love, Gelding.

Bianca leaves before I’m asked to do anything else. Do I stay and check it off the list, or flee and hope that this is not necessary to progress?

...Maybe I will go back inside.

Dude, all I remember about this encounter is that Elesa is better than you. And most everyone else. It’s time for Bianca to lay proper claim to her independence, right?

...Wait, this ends well?

Right, I guess all the truly terrible parenting has to be saved up for N.

Congrats, Bianca!

I think I’ll actually go ahead and deal with the gym now.

...No, I won’t. I want to check and see if I have access to the other routes yet. Mayhaps it is time to catch things. Or meet Alder. That’s his name, I think. I think we see him for the first time on the route to the left. So I shall go right.

Huh. This is a fun thing.

The next badge probably makes Strength usable outside of battle. So if I go and do the gym, I’ll have the choice between two spots of grass. Darker grass doesn’t necessarily have better stuff, because it’s all random, but it will have things of higher levels, which means less grinding.

...I’m gonna check out the other side. Possibly get a badge.

Then will come the decision.

Which may or may not be dependent on how much I want to put off giving something on my team Strength.

Here, things do not appear to be nearly so complicated.

There is dark grass, but I think it’s impossible to get to without walking through the normal grass. Maybe I’ll find something in the normal grass on this side, then use Strength and deal in the dark grass on the other side.

Plan? Plan.

...Still largely dependent on what I have that can learn Strength.

I guess that’s one nice thing about these legendaries with the awkward movesets. Fido can probably handle not fainting our new teammate. Probably.

...Hey Gelding guess what you get to stay.

I’m gonna name you Bandit. If we’re both very lucky, we’ll never, ever use you.

Next thing to pop up in the grass is a Maractus, then a Bonsly. This is like. A sane route. Weird.

Meanwhile, over in the dark grass.

Chikorita, Munna... Samurott.

By the standards of this run, I’d still call it pretty sane. The Samurott is darn near level appropriate. I don’t know what I would have picked out of this set. Bandit has some proper charm. That’s hard to say no to in the midst of such chaos.

OH!

Bandit can learn Strength!

Awesome!

Who’s a good girl? You’re a good girl!

Gym time!

This makes me want to hit the arcade so bad.

I haven’t really decided what to use here. Fido was the assumption, but Fido’s moveset is terrible. I think half the things in here are likely to have Static, and its only decent moves are all physical attacks.

Gelding shouldn’t go anywhere near anything here.

Ptera would probably be fine, but his Defense is abysmal, so all it would take is one round of not being fine to ruin that.

Batman would be pretty okay all around, but not a great damage dealer. She does know Headbutt, though...

Palm I’m paranoid about letting loose against things he doesn’t have a Type advantage with, but I think he’d mostly be okay. I just don’t want to risk my precious Breloom coming to harm.

...Fido and Frogger will have to do, I think.

What even is the deal with this gym. Elesa has so much style that it would cause poisoning in a real world setting.

The trainers so far have dealt in mid-20s pokes. Elesa’s might hit 30, but my guess would be that 28 might be closer to the mark.

...Elesa’s gym is full of neon, rich kids, and roller coasters, and I just love it so very much. And Ember isn’t doing too shabbily. I would still prefer having something better to work with, but as long as Emolga are so popular, Frogger’s not the best choice, so it’s good that Fido can put in the proper work.

Can I say for the hundredth time how much I love the work they put into the gyms in this gen? Because it is one of my primary joys of the games. Pokemon are great and all, but the aesthetic.

Firs up is a level 25 Emolga. With Volt Switch, so that will leave the stage after one Ember to let loose a different level 25 Emolga. Who will also use Volt Switch, bringing the first Emolga back out. That Emolga faints, Fido grows to level 34, and time to find out if that’s enough to push the second Emolga into fainting with two Embers instead of three. Apparently there’s a Special Defense difference between the beasts.

Yep, that did it. Emolgas down, and I’ll switch to Frogger for the Zebstrika.

Dang, I was off. It’s level 27.

Frogger downs it, getting up to 34 as well, and we have another relatively painless gym experience!

Go team!

Elesa also promises to deal with the pesky bridge problem I didn’t bother screencapping. I think the next Leader is a Ground type. Cowboy dude who has to be pestered into letting pedestrians use the drawbridge.

But that will have to wait for next time!

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW11

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

PLUS ALON ON WILDCARDDDDDDddddddd!@!!!!!

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Jonny Castro Otto, and rolling a transfer as usual

IN: :bulbasaur: :baulbasaur: :bulby: :balbuena:

Riperino Castroino. You've been a good lieutenant for me and mine but it's time to say goodbye. Doubling down with him and Doherty was an ill fated experiment and it's time to sort it. I took a bit of time to investigate between BHA WHU and NEW defenses and landed on the leaf pokemon. Fixtures look good and their underlying defensive stats have been tidy. Let's go

GK:

Alisson Beckz still in there for the good guys. Tricky fixture on paper but Livp defense if Livp defense. Pretty fine.

DEF:

Trenty goes again. Still not too sure about this guy in my team but he's gotten me two points over the three weeks I've had him so hard to argue with that.

Mendy in with a home banker ho hum.

Dockerty Doherty in with a home banker ho hum.

New friend and pokemon Fabian Balbuena will try to vine whip his way into my heart and by solar beam his way into my heart I mean Burnley to score a 88th minute goal off a broken set piece from Benjamin Mee to send me into the darkest of depths.

MID:

Mo goes. Nothing to see here.

With Kevin ded Dilv is looking a lot better in his efforts to maintain insane underlying stats and horrendous FPL point returns. Best three points I'll ever see, taste, feel, hear, smell in my life thanks Dilv love you bro.

Haz for a half is better than anything else I could have going so whatever in fuck goddamn glhf Haz.

Frayzuh I'll hold for this weekend. Not sure if I'll stand by him for the near term but will stick on him for the weekend. United defense been looking better as of late but still could be goals in this game so we'll see.

FWD:

Genius transfer last week Dings drops to the bench and it's the old amigos Kun and Arnie going again for me this weekend.

Hopefully Arnie can walk/limp around for 85 minutes and expend energy for 5 critical minutes leading to goals/assists/points. Kun...well....just hoping he makes it to the 60' mark. Vomit.

BENCH:

Ings / Billing / Wan

CAP:

Mo. Really not much thought in it this week. Kun a non-option due to minutes...Haz a non-option due to minutes....Mo always an option due to pharaoh status and arsecast lol defense status. Seems good.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

WILDCARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!

OUT: everyone

IN: everyone else

I’m not sure the best way to write wildcard lambs as it’s such a fuck... I’ve made a trillion transfers this week so yeah, I duno, I’m not gonna account for all the moves and all that shit. I’ll just do lambs like normal and go through my starting 11 and then for the bench section instead of just listing the dudes I’ll write a little on them too.

Also this isn’t final final final who knows what deep darkness lays wake for me this evening...... Truth is I haven’t even transferred in half of these players yet because I need the last round of price changes to go through first. Can’t wait.

GK:

Flappy bird Lukaszszszzzszs Fabianski comes straight in.

We talked about Fab v. Ryan on the pod and I’m backing the pod here with our evaluation of West Ham v. Brighton and the loooong term outstanding fixtures for West Ham. One bad fixture in the next 11 GWs is goooooooooood.

Flappy’s a monster on bones, I think and hope, he can keep up with the big boys in this stretch run. After all, GKs score the least amount of points.

DEF:

Double City defense with Mendy and my favorite French wine Laporte... Mendy I believe is very self-explanatory legend genius fuck -- did you know on the season Mendy is third highest (Kun then Raz #1 and #2 respectively) fantasy goal involvement percentage for City when he’s on the pitch... Absolutely ridiculous human... And Laporte what more can be said - he’s an immense and fantastic player. I was about ten months too early when I brought Laporte in last season, and now the world is ready for him. He’s casually just played 90 minutes in every prem match this season like a fucking boss. Get all the way in there you classy lefty fuck.

A share in Liverpool’s defense also felt somewhat required and I’m abandoning Robbo for VVD in this moment... Robbo still 100% fantastic pick and nailed and first choice and whatever else you wanna say about the best LB in the prem BUT -- with the very busy fixture period breathing down our necks I feel that VVD playing 90′ every single week will outscore Robbo’s attacking returns -- assuming Robbo has to get rested a couple times in the next month and a half. I think that that makes sense so let’s roll with it. VVDue away at the Emirates not an easy clean but all matches are cleanable for this Liverpool team -- get in there.

Alonso the fourth and final pillar in my Rolls Royce defense... If you missed last pod I had the epiphany that Zo is basically as set-and-forget as they come and transferring him out just because he’s stupidly high-priced for his position is over-thinking it. He’s on pace for his normal 160-180 point season and is just a very very good long-term / season-long hold type guy... if he were a mid he’d cost ~8.5m or 9m with his points tallys. It’s silly with this dude, sometimes just don’t overthink it. Bank the points and call me in the morning.

MID:

4-4-2 formation feels the right amount of forwards and the right amount of value to me. So here we are.

Mo has been in since preseason and continues to be in. He’s just the best simple as that no further questions.

Hazard despite being somewhat knocked and probably playing reduced minutes this weekend still is in my WC side... The fact of the matter is I barely have any choice in this issue. I want him, I still feel when he’s fit (probably a week away) that I’ll sorta need him, and wildcard’s the time to get a 11+ million player in as it’s much more difficult on just frees... Haz is fantastic and a long-term hold so having one whatever GW isn’t a big deal to me.

The next two are my little sexpots. They’re dessert.

Tony M Martial is a sexy guy there’s no doubt about that. He’s dribbling classy fucker who’s on fire at the moment... this spot feels a little tentative for me because I have my worries -- United suck, Mou is a nightmare, Martial is SUPER hot right now but underlying stats are shit -- But at the same time he’s donging for fun and getting in great positions and looking great. And I trust my pod partner.. I’ll probably stick here as Tony seems *obviously* better then the guys he’s competing with -- Siggy / Willian / Maddo / Rich / Pereyra type guys -- but I’m not sure and I need to sit on it longer.

The other punty mad scientist legend in right now is none other then Riyad Mahrez... from where I’m sitting the KdB injury makes City’s first choice central-midfield Dinho / Dilva / Bilva and City’s first choice front line from left-to-right Raz / Kun / Mahrez... That’s what I’m seeing and that’s what I’m believing... Raz looks fabulous on the left and he can cut in on his right there, Mahrez was born and was bought to play RW/RF and cut in and take lots of shots and score goals and he’s flying in that role... Three 90 minute appearances on the bounce, full of form and confidence with the back to back double-digit hauls... It feels a risk worth taking to me with his extraordinarily high upside/ceiling... There will be rotation for sure but I feel good that he’ll mostly be in eleven. Fingers crossed.

FWD:

The two up top are funny.

Callum is in there. Form, eye-test, numbers, he has it all so far this season. King still injured also keeps him on pens... At least for the next few GWs I don’t even mind Bournemouth’s fixtures much so for me right now, this one was easy.

Glenner is number two forward going for me. After all this time, I’m back on Glenner... He’s just doing exactly what he always does -- score goals. He does it for a fucking living and has not slowed at all. Finding little space and getting shots off and dinking and donging and taking pens, Glenner is a Glenner merchant. He’s Harry Kane at 6 million cheaper... seems good... His stats are often abysmal, but usually against mid-to-bad sides his stats uptick and he takes more shots. Looking ahead to Brighton’s schedule for the next sixish GWs -- a lot of sides to rack up shots against. Get in there Glenner.

BENCH:

Bench slot one: Ruben Neves... Have happily shitted on Neves since GW1 bandwagon but here I am bringing him in as purely a bench guy and for me, for a bench guy, he ticks every box known to man... I wanted a stronger then usual bench dude (normally I’d just go for like Stephens here cheap/nailed) and Neves has legitimate double-digit haul upside against any team in the league by nature of being on pens and being on direct free-kicks (and really good at them). He plays 90 minutes every week, good on bones, good team (lotta 3 pointers in there because of Wolves cleans), and he shoots a ton... His shots are low as fuck xG of the Paul variety but for 5.0 getting someone who can shoot upwards of 6 times a match gives him a nice - like I said - high ceiling for an autosub guy. I like it. I’m into it. Get in there. Treat me.

Bench slot two: Isaac Success... potential 4.5 starter at forward need I say more? He’s good and even if he’s dropped once Deeney is fit he’ll always be Watford’s first attacker off of the bench with a chance for some points. He’s a good guy.

Bench slot three: Ryan Bennett of Wolves... He’s started and played 90′ every week this season, Wolves defense is good, he’s 4.2m, it’s a simple good pick... Autosubs have been outta control this season so let’s go get it. Wolves have some bad fixtures coming up but Benny is very startable in the good ones. Just good depth. Get in there.

CAP:

On big Mo.

Fantastic player, fantastic form, pretty good fixture. Ok I’m into it.

My one slight fear is that Arsenal go into turtle bus mode like they did second half vs. Chelsea out of pure fear of getting fucked sideways... But maybe Arsecast being at home makes this less likely? We’ll see. Either way - Mo’s a great horse to back in this moment and Arsenal’s defenders are completely horrendous.

Get in Mo.