#who framed dan levy?

[goodiecornbread]

Danuary, day 25

How is it that he can sell his glasses using a pic where he's not even wearing them properly? Not sure, but I'll take 10.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

“I’m not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it’s just a layover on the way to Gaytown,” Carrie Bradshaw famously said in the offensive, misinformed 1998 episode of Sex and the City in which she dates a bisexual man. These words are still painfully seared into my brain. How could a sex columnist, a character written predominantly by gay men, have such a limited view of queer identity? Nearly ten years later, a 2016 episode of HBO dramedy Insecure sees Molly (Yvonne Orji) finding out that the man she’s seeing, Jared, nonchalantly had a sexual encounter with another man. After exposing her biphobia to her friends, another character declares Jared to be gay. Ultimately, Molly and Carrie both decide, despite the chemistry and their attraction, that they could not get past their own compulsory monosexuality to continue dating a bisexual man. Why does television, a medium primed for long-form character development and storytelling, continuously fail at representing bisexual men?

Twenty-five years after that infamous Sex and the City scene, bisexuality (for the purposes of this piece, I am using bisexuality as a term that encompasses all people with the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender, including those who identify as bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer, and more) on television has made significant strides—from young-adult programming like Euphoria, Riverdale, and Gossip Girl, to adult dramas like Game of Thrones, The Magicians, and obviously, The Bisexual. Bisexuality is no longer relegated to a very-special episode, and is slowly leaving the realm of bad, misinformed jokes. According to GLAAD’s 2021-2022 Where We Are on TV report, queer representation on television is at an all-time high. After two consecutive years of decreases, bisexual representation increased by one percent over last year: nine non-binary characters, 124 women, and sadly, only 50 men. Fifty may seem like a solid number at the outset, but consider the quality of these representations. Aside from a few stand-out examples, like Nick Nelson (Kit Connor) on Netflix’s much-loved Heartstopper, many are relegated to supporting and recurring characters, at best, and stuck in tropes, at worst.

Maria San Filippo is an associate professor at Emerson College whose research focuses on screen media’s intersections with gender and sexuality. In 2013, she published The B Word: Bisexuality in Contemporary Film and Television, a pathbreaking monograph on the state of bisexual representation in both mediums. “Bisexuality was only beginning to be central and recurring, rather than peripheral and episodically one-off or short-lived,” she said over email. “Bisexuality’s representational legibility has been expanded; it’s less easily deniable as ‘just a phase’ when bisexuality becomes an ongoing character trait.”

Broadly speaking, on-screen storytelling has struggled to construct bisexuality in ways that reach beyond the word landing at the butt of jokes or framed through the lens of disgust and abjection. Nowhere does it fail bisexuals more than television, a site of endless discursive possibilities. Television’s long-form narrative offers unique opportunities to watch sexuality unfold over time, but rather than exploring and showcasing every permutation of bisexuality, bi men on television are far and few between.

“Bi+ male representation has always been the biggest challenge,” San Filippo said. “Bisexuality threatens heteropatriarchy and phallic authority, and so must be hidden or, if acknowledged, desexualized and disparaged through mockery or else hypersexualized as in porn (and even then bisexuality is rebranded as ‘gay for pay’).” She said it’s not unlike the uncommon sight of male frontal nudity on screen, which she explores in her 2021 book, Provocauteurs and Provocations. “Dan Levy’s character David on Schitt’s Creek is one high-profile example of recurring, more nuanced male bi+ representation,” she said. “We need more.”

The phallic authority, as San Filippo calls it, is not as threatened when it comes to the representation of bisexual women characters, who were more than double as numerous in the 2021-2022 television season. Nate Shu, a bisexual comedian based in Boston who spoke with me over Zoom, suggests that feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey’s work on patriarchal ideologies in film still applies here. Mulvey’s seminal 1975 essay, “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema,” uses a psychoanalytic lens to look at the way women have been depicted in film primarily for the pleasure of the male viewer. She coined this theory the male gaze.

“Lesbian and bisexual characters are more attainable when they’re female because there’s something for male viewers to hold on to,” he said. “A bisexual woman is still an attainable woman to a straight man, whereas a bisexual man is both a threat and an anomaly.”

These conventions are sewn into the fabric of on-screen storytelling, a part of the canon of cinema that queer storytellers are working hard to reform. But despite this hard work, bisexual stories are still too-often made palatable to viewers through a handful of storytelling tropes: the coming out story, reasserting the status quo of a relationship or identity, or hinting at a character’s dishonesty or shiftiness (it pains me to bring it up, but Frank Underwood on House of Cards is a great example here).

The CW’s 2015 musical-dramedy Crazy Ex-Girlfriend showcased one of the more fleshed-out bisexual men on television, Darryl Whitefeather, played by Peter Gardner. His unapologetic musical sequence on how he’s “Gettin’ Bi” was an audacious and refreshing moment for a middle-aged character embracing his sexuality—despite his entire storyline being framed around coming out. We tend to see these coming out narratives again and again, to the point where it begins to feel like viewer manipulation. The coming out scene will only lead to the catharsis of Heartbreaker-level tears if it feels earned through a character’s arc of self-suppression and pain. However, the gay blueprint has already been established, and thus the coming out story is relatable and palatable, rather than depicting a character already living their truth.

Shu, who identifies as bisexual and biracial for the sake of alliteration in his comedy (as opposed to pansexual, a term to which he more closely relates), asked me poignant questions: “What is queer representation? Having a character make an off-hand comment and it’s never acknowledged—that is a queer character, but it’s not a queer story.” His ideal bisexual representation allows characters to be authentic people living outside of constructed narratives that are more viewer-friendly like the coming out story. He could only name one example of an Asian bisexual character on television that he felt somewhat seen through—Magnus Bane, played by Harry Shum Jr. on the Freeform supernatural drama Shadowhunters. “It’s tough to get out of the boxes of what culture, film, and TV have defined for decades,” Shu said.

Marvel has been a site of critique around its inability to flesh out queer characters in an authentic way, awkwardly suggesting that all superheroes are heterosexual. The 2021 Disney+ series Loki made headlines for a 20-second scene where the titular character confirms his bisexuality after admitting he has been with princesses and princes in his past. This kind of casual bisexuality has become more commonplace in the streaming era, to the point of forgettability: Bill Pargrave on Killing Eve, playing Eve’s MI5 boss until he was eventually stabbed by murderess Villanelle, also identified as bisexual in a passing conversation. Other examples include Joe MacMillan (Lee Pace) on Halt and Catch Fire and the titular character (Tom Ellis) on Lucifer. Does the off-hand knowledge of a character’s sexual fluidity, without an in-depth exploration of his sexuality, qualify as queer representation? Perhaps a better question would be, does it make bisexual viewers feel seen and understood, and add to monosexual viewers’ understanding and empathy of bisexuality?

At the end of October 2022, Kit Connor came out as bisexual in a bitter tweet after months of being hounded and online bullied by Netflix Heartstopper fans, some of whom accused Connor of queerbaiting for playing a bisexual character. The fall-out made me wonder why any actor, let alone a bisexual actor who may still be processing or figuring out his sexuality, would want to play a bisexual character in the social media age. “I think some of you missed the point of the show. Bye,” his tweet read.

Not to center myself in the discourse, but I can’t help but wonder how a more thorough cultural understanding of bisexuality would impact my own dating life as a gay man, what the dating pool might look like if there was a more rigorous acceptance and visibility of bisexuality and fewer “discreet” men refusing to send you photos of their faces on dating apps with fear of being outed in their real life. The latest 2021 Census data coming out of the United Kingdom suggests there are currently nearly as many bisexual-identifying individuals as gay and lesbian survey respondents combined. These numbers feel hopeful, to me. Previous generations grew up dissatisfied by the range of representation on television, leading to iconic shows like Pose that shifted the course of television at the intersections of queerness and race. I can only imagine what the landscape will look like in 10, 20 years as the bisexual-identifying Gen Zs—the queerest generation yet—make their way into creative fields. We’ll have to watch and find out.

[almaqead]

"The Game and the Spear." From Surah 5: Al Ma'idah, "The Table Setting."

The changing of clothes is an important idiom in Islam and also in Judaism and Christianity. In the Book of Mormon, God forbids those who have spilled blood on their garments from entering heaven, for example.

The opposite, obeying the tenets of the 12 Imams, however turns all the sins and bloodshed of the past into the raiment of a pure saint:

From 1 Nephi 12:

10 And these twelve ministers whom thou beholdest shall judge thy seed. And, behold, they are righteous forever; for because of their faith in the Lamb of God their garments are made white in his blood.

11 And the angel said unto me: Look! And I looked, and beheld three generations pass away in righteousness; and their garments were white even like unto the Lamb of God. And the angel said unto me: These are made white in the blood of the Lamb, because of their faith in him.

It takes Three Generations, 625, ו‎ב‎ה‎, in the House of Israel, the Torah, to turn ones sinful raiments pure white. Following is how using the Qiblahs of the 12 Imams, called ministers by the Book of Mormon (1830). As we will see in the verses from the Quran each has a kaaba, a sacrifice that converts the sinner into a saint:

Reuben- The Eldest- the Leader vs. a Swindler.

Simeon- Law Abiding vs. a Crook.

Levi- Harmonious vs. Violent.

Judah- Praises God vs. a Slanderer.

Dan – Intuitive vs. a Dullard.

Naphtali – The Fighter vs. a Coward.

Gad- Fortunate vs. Accident Prone.

Asher- Happy vs. Bitter.

Issachar- Dedicated, reaps rewards vs. a Cheater.

Zebulun- Honorable vs. a Scumbag.

Joseph- Fruitful vs. Waste of Time.

Benjamin- Son of the Right Hand vs. Corrupt.

Changing clothes in the Torah means to go from a grubby little kid, to an oversexed adolescent, to a citizen, to a husband to a father and professional. How to turn the raiments white through the grace of God in spite of the mistakes of the past is one of the reasons God gave Muhammad the Quran.

This explains Ihram, how the forced evolution a child undergoes to become a man and changes costumes every time he needs in order to become more closely seated next to Allah in Haram.

So Ihram is Halal in a state of continuous mindfulness of the changes in the mind, the heart, the body, the world, and the calling of the soul.

The Spear pertains to the way society constitutes itself. Ihram says one will be at the ready to perform the duties required for the journey ahead and attain Haram, the Spear, the Constitution and Laws are the way society explains to its members how it must behave if the culture of the nation is to achieve Haram.

The garments remain on the body, but the Spear is projected; it is the consequece of failing to understand Halal, Ihram, and Haram. One does not want to be a piece of game ahead of the man with the Spear.

Sacrificial animals are the lower animal beast nature one has shed like unzipping an animal costume and stepping into an adult man's frame of reference. The Quran says if we observe Zakah, the likelihood of an animal sacrifice or the Spear is zero. This we covered in a few previous forums.

5:94-98:

O you who have believed, Allah will surely test you through something of the game that your hands and spears [can] reach, that Allah may make evident those who fear Him unseen. And whoever transgresses after that - for him is a painful punishment.

O you who have believed, do not kill game while you are in the state of ihram. And whoever of you kills it intentionally - the penalty is an equivalent from sacrificial animals to what he killed, as judged by two just men among you as an offering [to Allah ] delivered to the Ka'bah, or an expiation: the feeding of needy people or the equivalent of that in fasting, that he may taste the consequence of his deed. Allah has pardoned what is past; but whoever returns [to violation], then Allah will take retribution from him. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Owner of Retribution.

Lawful to you is game from the sea and its food as provision for you and the travelers, but forbidden to you is game from the land as long as you are in the state of ihram. And fear Allah to whom you will be gathered.

Allah has made the Ka'bah, the Sacred House, standing for the people and [has sanctified] the sacred months and the sacrificial animals and the garlands [by which they are identified]. That is so you may know that Allah knows what is in the heavens and what is in the earth and that Allah is Knowing of all things.

Know that Allah is severe in penalty and that Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

Commentary:

The indications for Gematria analysis are found in the final two full verses. Permissions and prohibitions must be analyzed using the lens of Gematria.

Lawful to you: The Value in Gematria is 11462, יאדב‎, yadav, "what you knew."

Food is the substance from wich we learn, right from wrong in particcular. If one cannot learn how to be ethical, one cannot be successful in this world. Knowledge not of Allah, but How Allah Is, is the goal of the study of the Quran.

To endeavor to match one's frame of mind and behavior to the Most High through knowledge is called Tawhid:

“There is no god but He: That is the witness of Allah, His angels, and those endued with knowledge, standing firm on justice. There is no god but He, the Exalted in Power, the Wise” [Quran, 3:18]

In this verse, we understand that we cannot just assume that we believe in tawheed, the Oneness of God. We must actively learn and obtain knowledge to truly understand the Greatness and Oneness of Allah – which will help us stand firm on the path of righteousness.

Tawheed , unity with God is called Ha Shem in Hebrew. One can also have Tawheed with other knowledgeable persons.

Food from the sea is 209, באֶפֶסט, in ephest, "offset". When we eat a seafood :( the idea is to take a portion of thought that was immersed in the Verses and add it to our internal reservoir. So anyone who is knowledgeable about the Quran and acts like it is acceptable in one's company.

But game is forbidden...the Number is 6606 וואֶפֶסו‎‎, wafesu, "and reset."

Garlands on game are wreaths meaning the animal has "graduated" from the herd. To graduate from the herd and enter the domain of man is the goal of all the faiths. So the above means:

Offset, read the Quran, and reset...if one is chasing game or being hounded by the Spear, one's conscience or the law or both, one is either way in need of the company of a saint whose conduct can rub off somehow. This is why Allah instituted the Sacred House, 6937, ו‎טגז‎‎, and tez, quickly.

= Fasting.

The best way to being one's one journey from a garlanded animal to a man who judges life like a man and earns the benefits of manhood is to observe Zakah and Sawm, the Fast, "to abstain from false talk and deeds."

This adds Sawm now to our list of how to observe Halal and also perform Ihram, and enter and remain in Haram, even in spite of the occasional transgression and trip to the farm. Obviously all of these depend on avoiding the wrath of the Spear.

[tomorrowedblog]

Friday Releases for January 5

Friday is the busiest day of the week for new releases, so we've decided to collect them all in one place. Friday Releases for January 5 include Night Swim, The Bricklayer, The Painter, and more.

Night Swim

Night Swim, the new movie from Bryce McGuire, is out today.

Based on the acclaimed 2014 short film by Rod Blackhurst and Bryce McGuire, the film stars Wyatt Russell as Ray Waller, a former major league baseball player forced into early retirement by a degenerative illness, who moves into a new home with his concerned wife Eve (Kerry Condon), teenage daughter Izzy (Amélie Hoeferle) and young son Elliot (Gavin Warren).

Secretly hoping, against the odds, to return to pro ball, Ray persuades Eve that the new home’s shimmering backyard swimming pool will be fun for the kids and provide physical therapy for him. But a dark secret in the home’s past will unleash a malevolent force that will drag the family under, into the depths of inescapable terror.

The Bricklayer

The Bricklayer, the new movie from Renny Harlin, is out today.

When a rogue insurgent blackmails the CIA by assassinating foreign journalists and framing the government, the agency must lure their most brilliant yet rebellious operative out of retirement to unravel the international conspiracy.

The Painter

The Painter, the new movie from Kimani Ray Smith, is out today.

An ex-CIA operative turned painter is thrown back into a dangerous world when a mysterious woman from his past resurfaces. Now exposed and targeted by a relentless killer and a rogue black ops program, he must rely on skills he thought he left behind in a high-stakes game of survival.

Good Grief

Good Grief, the new movie from Dan Levy, is out today.

Marc (Dan Levy) was content living in the shadow of his larger-than-life husband, Oliver (Luke Evans). But when Oliver unexpectedly dies, Marc’s world shatters, sending him and his two best friends, Sophie (Ruth Negga) and Thomas (Himesh Patel), on a soul-searching trip to Paris that reveals some hard truths they each needed to face.

He Went That Way

He Went That Way, the new movie from Jeffrey Darling, is out today.

He Went That Way is a taut thriller centered on the true story of a celebrity animal trainer who picks up a hitchhiker, only to discover his passenger is a young, cunning serial killer.

Mayhem!

Mayhem!, the new movie from Xavier Gens, is out today.

A martial artist and ex-con Sam (Nassim Lyes) starts a new life in Thailand to escape a local gang lord, but a kidnapped family member sucks him back into the underworld he’d left behind in this propulsive action spectacle.

Memory

Memory, the new movie from Michel Franco, is out today.

Sylvia is a social worker who leads a simple and structured life. This is blown open when Saul follows her home from their high school reunion. Their surprise encounter will profoundly impact both of them as they open the door to the past.

Race for Glory

Race for Glory, the new movie from Stefano Mordini, is out today.

Feel the thrill of the road with this action-packed sports drama inspired by true events. Daniel Brühl (The King’s Man) and Riccardo Scamarcio (A Haunting in Venice) star in a true David vs. Goliath story spotlighting the intense rivalry between Germany (Audi) and Italy (Lancia) at the 1983 Rally World Championships. Against all odds, Lancia battles to regain its former glory with an unbeatable combination of bold innovation and extraordinary courage.

The Bastard Sons

The Bastard Sons, the new movie from Kevin Interdonato, is out today.

A misfit crew of small-town gangsters enact brutal vengeance after an inside job ends in the murder of the head of their crime family.

[bebopsisyphus]

I fucking loved Happiest Season. It's a lovely movie, I enjoyed myself immensely from start to finish! A true rom-com, a movie to watch on a rainy day or when you're feeling down and need a pick me up. In 10 years it'll be a classic!

No it wasn't a masterpiece, the storylines were the classic rom-com type of thing where it's a little bit predictable and a little bit cliche at times, yes we are aware

And yet it was wonderful! Please let us have this one queer thing without having to find justifications beyond the fact that it's FUN and GAY alright

[dan-levy-is-my-life-coach]

“I’ll continue to tell stories about people that are not necessarily front and center in the spotlight.”

-Dan Levy, C Magazine: https://magazinec.com/style/who-framed-dan-levy/

Photo: Ana Sorys

[gayyfiction]

6 lgbtq+ movies to watch this christmas

I hope you’re still in the Christmas spirit, because I am, and also because I forgot to post this earlier.

Let It Snow

[image ID: a poster for the movie "Let It Snow". The only text on the poster is the movie’s name. It shows the eight main characters of the movie lying on their backs in the snow so that their heads make a circle. The cast includes Shameik Moore, Jacob Batalon, and Kiernan Shipka among others. End ID]

This is a very sweet very cheesy movie, based on a book I like by John Green, Lauren Myracle, and Maureen Johnson. The focus of the movie isn’t entirely on LGBTQ+ characters, but one of the 3 main couples is queer. I strongly recommend the book, which unfortunately doesn’t have the queer storyline, but the movie isn't too bad either and has the added bonus of lesbians.

Single All the Way

[image ID: a Netflix poster for the movie "Single All the Way". The poster reads “Peter and Nick are just friends. Peter’s family knows better.” It features Michael Urie as Peter and Philemon Chambers as Nick, as well as Jennifer Coolidge, Kathy Najimy, and Jennifer Robertson as members of Peter’s family. End ID]

This movie is a classic friends to lovers, fake to real relationship, and it’s very sweet. It also doesn’t make a big deal of the characters’ sexualities. Unfortunately it tries way too hard to be modern and relevant and comes off as cringey. Would recommend for trash watching.

Carol

[image ID: a poster for the movie "Carol," directed by Todd Haynes, screenplay by Phyllis Nagy. The poster is split in half to show two women, each filling up her half of the poster completely, but with only one side of her face showing. They are played by Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara. End ID]

This movie did "period film" very well, but if you don't like slower, older-feeling movies, maybe skip this one. And for those of you who don't like period pieces for the ambiguous or unhappy endings, don't worry. This movie is realistic but not without feeling. I will warn you of one sex scene halfway through the movie for those who don't like that.

Happiest Season

[image ID: a poster for the movie "Happiest Season". A picture frame hangs on a wall, containing a picture of nine characters in front of a Christmas tree. In the front, Abby, played by Kristen Stewart, is grinning with her arm around Harper, played by Mackenzie Davis. Harper looks shocked and worried. They are surrounded by their friends and Harper's family, among them are characters played by Dan Levy, Aubrey Plaza, and Victor Garber. End ID]

This movie is kind of an antithesis to Single All the Way. Instead of mlm friends in a fake relationship, this is wlw pretending to be friends because one of them isn't out yet. I adore this cast and the movie is pretty cute if at times expected.

The Christmas Setup

[image ID: a poster for the movie "The Christmas Setup". A woman played by Fran Drescher holds mistletoe above a gay couple who are embracing. Ben Lewis’s character is kissing Blake Lee’s character on the cheek. All three are wearing red or green sweaters, and snow is falling around them. End ID]

Cheesy. Disgusting. Too sweet. I am only willing to let this attitude slide on December 16th through December 31st. However, it’s gay, and we need more bad gay Christmas movies to even out the bad straight Christmas movies. I now realize that there’s also a gay Christmas trope because this movie was exactly Single All the Way all over again (without the horrible awful "cool" acting).

Under the Christmas Tree

[image ID: a poster for the movie "Under the Christmas tree". The poster is frighteningly similar to the previous one. Isabella, played by Wendy Crewon, smiles in the near background as two women, played by Elise Bauman and Tattiawna Jones, embrace in the foreground. The background is of a few fir trees. End ID]

This movie was surprisingly sweet, if a bit cringey. I guess there's no such thing as an actually good Christmas movie, but I enjoyed it.

[fieldtomatoes]

I love Dan Levy and I love Schitt’s Creek, I really do. But sometimes I think about how they framed David’s sexuality as someone who was attracted to men, women, AND trans people (“I’m into the wine not the label” scene) which therefore made him pansexual. And how Emily Hampshire (Stevie) said that that scene was her introduction to pansexuality and made her realize she was pan. And how that happened around the time that she started dating a trans woman.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE HAPPIEST SEASON

You guys! I finally watched the lesbian holiday movie!! Though when I texted my mom to tell her I was finally watching this, she thought I was talking about The Prom and I laughed for a real long time about it (mainly because it will take me an even longer time to get around to hate watching that!) It already took about a month to get to this one. There is a lot to discuss here - and also one wig!

So this is the first (big budget) holiday lesbian movie, which I am very here for. However, most of the movie feels like a combination between My Best Friend’s Wedding, Meet the Parents, and The Family Stone but with lesbians. Those movies were made between 1997 and 2005 and this movie feels like it should exist somewhere in that time as well. The whole plot of the movie is basically that Kristen Stewart (Abby) has to pretend NOT to be Mackenzie Davis’s (Harper’s)  long-term girlfriend for the sake of Harper’s conservative family with local political aspirations while also spending 5 days with them during Christmas. It’s a conceit that exists solely in these brand of garbage holiday rom coms but definitely one that feels bizarrely antiquated as well. 

Anyway! There is only one wig in this movie which belongs to Davis, who had a vastly superior lesbian wig in that one episode of Black Mirror that made us all cry. We first see this under this hat where it should have hidden for the rest of the film! 

Sadly, the next scene involves the full emergence of this wig and truly: NO. This thing is dried out, bent, and disheveled in not a cool way (Stewart’s actual hair is disheveled in a cool way, though). The entire presence of this wig bothers me because: just have her have whatever hair she has? This is not a historical recreation (that I’m aware of?) and she is not playing a real person! This feels like when SNL cast members wear wigs in sketches for similarly non-existent reasons. However, SNL wigs are vastly superior to this mess!

So anyway, Harper invites Abby to have Christmas at her parents’ house in the heat of the moment during a very romantic (?) Pittsburgh Christmas lights tour which is apparently something that exists. Abby conveniently, and completely for the sake of this plot to work (?) does not like Christmas and also is an orphan, getting rid of any possible Christmas plan conflicts. And then literally on the way to visiting Harper’s family, she is all: by the way, they don’t know you’re my girlfriend or that I’m a lesbian and you have to go along with it for sake of this movie to exist even though this is absolutely a terrible thing to ask of anyone, periodt. But we are beginning to find out that Harper’s character is as full of garbage as her wig. 

So we meet the parents, who are Victor Garber, Mary Steenbergen, and also Mary Steenbergen’s iPad which vulture correctly identifies as the star of this movie AND IT IS. Especially during the end credits where we get to see all the pics the iPad takes! But I’m getting ahead of myself. The parents live in one of those cavernous houses that is definitely a mansion but tries to feel homey even though it probably has about 12 bedrooms and usually only exists in a Nancy Meyers movie. Despite its amount of bedrooms,  Abby has to sleep in a basement bunker which also doubles as a well organized rubbermaid storage unit. For the rest of the movie, Abby is treated like a subhuman trash person much in the way Ben Stiller is treated in Meet the Parents and Sarah Jessica Parker is treated in The Family Stone, except they don’t also have to pretend to not be in a relationship with the family member they arrived with. This conceit becomes so degrading that you honestly wonder why these people are still together!

Abby endures scene after scene of total nonsense and still looks better than the wig on her terrible girlfriend. Which starts actually looking better in a few of these scenes but still is very much a terrible and noticeable wig which is on par with Rachel McAdams’ wig in Mean Girls in that we are constantly told that these women are gorgeous and every single time I ask “YOU MEAN WITH THAT TERRIBLE WIG ON THEIR HEADS????” I suppose this wig was “necessary” because Harper’s two sisters also have long-ish brown hair so they were going for some sort of familial consistency except one daughter has a terrible wig and the other two have hair. Also one sister is Alison Brie, who plays a harpy so awful that she starts to make Harper look palatable and one sister is Mary Holland, who also cowrote the script, and definitely wrote herself the only character who I’d like to meet in real life. 

Along the way, we also meet Aubrey Plaza, who I usually hate because she is just one-note sullen, but here is actually great as Harper’s high school ex-girlfriend who Harper outted and allowed to be bullied and wow Harper - you have been terrible for decades!! Also compared to Harper, Aubrey has beautiful (real) hair, doesn’t lie to her entire family, and has actual chemistry with Abby. I very much wanted Abby to end up with Aubrey and I am not alone! Harper somehow avoids Abby for most of the time they are both staying in the same (albeit huge) house and there is even a dumb subplot about Abby being framed for shoplifting while trying to buy a gift for the parents’ very important white elephant gift exchange during their very important Christmas Eve party and I wonder if any of these people really knows what a white elephant gift is or how to exist in society? Meanwhile, as Harper reverts to being more falsely  heteronormative at her parents house, I started to wonder if her wig was trying to serve a larger purpose in showing how fake this character is but: no it’s just a bad wig. Also this movie really does the impossible: it makes me care about and feel bad for Kristen Stewart! 

Although I did find it highly questionable that though they are the stars of a romantic comedy, neither Kristen Stewart or Mackenzie Davis is funny AT ALL. Like not even a little! Which makes the “comedic” plight of Stewart all the more upsetting! All comedy is left to the one good daughter (Mary Holland) and also all gay men in the movie. This is mainly Abby’s bff and national (Canadian) treasure, Dan Levy and also Drag Race faves Jinxx Monsoon and Ben De-La-Creme in this one gay bar scene which is honestly truly inconceivable and except for further cementing the fact that Abby and Aubrey really should get together. 

In the end, Alison Brie finds out Harper’s TERRIBLE SECRET THAT NO ONE IN 2020 COULD POSSIBLY FATHOM (that she’s a lesbian) and they have a fight in the middle of the white elephant party which reveals that all the family has been competing for years for each other’s love which is really really messed up and now I kind of hate everyone in this family. And also Harper is outed to her entire terrible family and also Ana Gasteyer (and also a room full of other randos). And she denies her lesbian truth!  I recently watched Uncle Frank which is essentially everything Hillbilly Elegy wanted to be but is Shakespeare compared to that mess, and a similar scene occurs but that character bravely faces the truth - and in 1970s SOUTH CAROLINA!! I don’t know what time or space this movie thinks it exists in but it is baffling. Still, Dan Levy gives an emotional monologue about how no one can decide when anyone else is ready to come out of the closet so: FAIR. And then Harper does come out and the entire family kind gives absolutely no reaction to this until Victor Garber says it’s ok?? ABSOLUTELY AND TRULY BIZARRELY PATRIARCHAL. And then Harper and Abby get back together in the parking lot of a Love’s convenience store which is as cheesy and clunky as any garbage holiday rom com so I guess this is definitely a new holiday “classic” which I’ll probably watch 100 more times and hate Harper and her terrible wig each time about as much as I hate Laura Linney’s terrible life choices in Love, Actually. AS CONFOUNDING AS HARPER’S WIG OR THE CHOICE TO GIVE HER ONE AT ALL!

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[buckevantommy]

'(Un)Happiest Season' review

Simply put, it wasn't enjoyable as a romance or a comedy or a Christmas flick. It failed on many fronts, but this reviewer from Salon.com puts the thing into words for Happiest Season's main failings: 

What's bad: There were two main criticisms of "Happiest Season." The first being: Can't LGBTQ audiences have a holiday movie where the main plot isn't about mining the anxiety and trauma associated with coming out, being closeted and casual homophobia? Then there's the fact that Harper really is just kind of the worst. After pushing Abby back in the closet, Harper ditches her in a town where she doesn't know anyone to go drink with her ex-boyfriend until two in the morning, then proceeds to call Abby "suffocating" when called on it. It's a pattern of s**ty behavior that is pervasive and present throughout the movie, so her redemption arc doesn't feel super genuine. 

Why can't we have main queer characters in Christmas movies without their presence being all about their queerness? We want fluffy festiveness, dammit! They could've made Harper less selfish and more attentive while still playing into the *I'm not out yet Because Reasons so we need to hide our gay relationship* trope, but they didn't. Who knows why, but what a waste. 🎄👩‍❤️‍👩☃️

^ Look at that trailer and tell me you don't expect Misunderstandings with fun and tropey antics + Domestic Christmas Shenanigans + Comfort for Hurt! You will be sorely disappointed. 😞 

NOTE: The flick does have a few good moments. And it's probably worth the watch just to see what's missing/mishandled when it comes to queer characters and queer romances in mainstream movies. 

But it's not really fun or funny or heart-warming - where are the snowball fights? Insightful conversations? Christmas elements like eggnog/spiced wine, candycanes, mistletoe? Where are the many colourful side characters and the hungover brunches? We get one scene of ice-skating for a few minutes and it's wasted on sibling rivalry bs rather than, say.. Abby and Harper skating together but not being aloud to touch—omg the tension!! 😍 

There's just not enough comfort for the hurt Abby (Kstew) goes through; the film wholly lacks those warm-n-fuzzy Christmas vibes; there's just way more wrong with it than is right with it - which sucks, because this had the potential to be such a great movie if only Harper was written as less ignorant/selfish and we'd gotten more enjoyable family interactions and more festive fun - like a celebration in town. Instead we get a few limited shots of the adorable town, a crappy bar, and an OTT fancy Christmas party for performative rich white folk on a career path for power and "perfection" (ie. wholesome family values). 

The story they went with was definitely better suited for a dramatic film, so in a romcom setting it really didn't work. Plus the side-characters were flat; we needed more depth from the supporting characters, more meaningful interactions. 

^ Look at those intro credits!! Look at all the domestic happy moments and tell me you don't want to see a movie filled with such fluffy festive goodness!! Well, if you don't want to see such moments, don't worry because you won't. I naturally thought we were going to get this kind of romantic-and-non-romantic happiness dispersed throughout the entire film, but no. Not a one. There's 5 minutes of Happy Couple at the start, and that's it 📸☹️ (unless you count a photo collage of the happy ending and year that follows stuffed into the end credits). 

BTW: That intro song is the most Christmasy song in the whole movie. The soundtrack features modern pop songs which 1) don't help set the festive vibe and 2) are really fucking annoying; the song choices are grating, not pleasant, not enjoyable, and they overpower the scenes with a whole lotta noise. I really wish we'd gotten more tunes like the one above. 🎶 

About the image below—Abby is actually miserable the entire time, getting worse by the day, barely a smile seen on her.. while Harper is the one schmoozing her family and contacts with teeth bared, so.. this image isn't what you'll get, just fyi:

(also: the only POC actors they had were the perfectionist-stone-faced-bitch's husband and his girlfriend - wife + hubby being secretly separated.) 

The things that the Salon reviewer liked are the same things I did (see below), but imho even those elements weren't enough to save this film from being: 

an infuriating 102 minute-comedy of errors buoyed by a healthy dose of gaslighting 

More cons of the flick are pointed out by denofgeek.com: 

Some of its issues come from the structure of the film, which shoehorns very real queer struggles into wacky rom-com tropes too fluffy to contain the stakes at hand. Meanwhile the choice to have one half of the lead couple be so aggressively and repeatedly cruel—while her high school ex Riley, played by the ever-perfect Aubrey Plaza was standing right there having all the chemistry in the world with the other romantic lead—was a fatal one.

It really was a dramatic plot idea crammed into a fluffy narrative. You can see the conflicting genres fighting to stay alive and they both die a slow, agonisingly dull death throughout the film. The whole *Abby being converted to loving Christmas by Harper inviting her to spend the holidays with her family* thing, only to have Harper force their relationship + Abby into the closet. Straight conversion much? I'm 100% sick of heteronormative bs in my queer Christmas films. 

For the most part, when you're not feeling for Abby's harsh treatment by her would-be fiance and everyone but Riley ignoring her completely, you will be bored af from the lack of festive cheer - not just twinkle lights and boisterous seasonal music, but those good ol' homey family Christmas vibes. With the Harper house + family members, everything's a performance, so that lack of sincerity and warmth makes for a depressing viewing experience: 

^ Jane (one of Harper's 2 sisters) is the only character allowed to be consistently genuine in the narrative (aside from John, but he's restricted mostly to phonecalls, and Riley - but even she's keeping Harper's secrets). Jane is the only character who is naturally vibrant and reminds us of some of the reasons we get excited about Christmas movies: to feel joy and to enjoy the company around us during the holiday season! 🎄☃️🥳 But rather than give us a fun day out with Jane + Abby, we get Abby + the second sister (i don't even remember her name, just BitchFace) which leads to more bad treatment of Abby - this time by two spoiled af no-smile rich kids. *le sigh* Jane carries the spark of honest joy for the entire Harper clan and that is TOO MUCH to expect of one character, let alone a side-character. 😪 

There are so many ways the story could've been tweaked to make more sense and be somewhat enjoyable, including: 

The orphan!Abby thing is just bad. Rather than give Abby a voice, chances to let her personality shine, almost everyone interacts with her to merely briefly express their condolences for her long-dead parents 🙄 

Abby is a pet-minder, ie. she's an animal lover, yet at no point do we see her interact with animals! Not a dog or cat or hamster, no reindeer at the petting zoo, nothing. 🐕🐈🦎🦜🐠

Riley + Abby getting together (even just a kiss) 👄 

Abby + Harper separating so Harper can get her shit together - and then we get several flashforward shots of them separately living their lives (Harper especially), and then meeting back up again - maybe the next holiday season, after some much-needed time apart 🏃‍♀️🤸‍♀️ 

side characters who engage with Abby in a sincere, meaningful way instead of ignoring her (again, we got Riley, but she was outside of the family dynamic) 😊 

MORE FESTIVE CHEER! where were all the staple Christmassy passtimes, the smile-inducing season-specific experiences??? 🎉 

More from denofgeek: 

Where the script gets into trouble is that it doesn’t distinguish between Harper being closeted and her poor treatment of Abby. The two are separate issues and treating them as one does no favors to Harper, nor others struggling with the closet. As Dan Levy’s beautiful monologue late in the movie alludes to, the closet is a safety mechanism—but it’s not a free pass to treat people like garbage. [...] 😟🏳️‍🌈

Even a brief conversation teasing out that being in the closet doesn’t justify how Harper acted, and that plenty of people in the closet don’t treat others like trash, would have been important. Instead once Harper is out (which the movie takes pains to make clear only happened because Harper’s sister Sloane outed her), and a gesture so small it could never credibly be called grand is made, all bad behavior is washed away. [...] 😤🙅‍♀️ 

The jarring underlying issue is that 'Happiest Season' attempts to apply the standard rom-com and made-for-TV-holiday-movie tropes to queer life. So Abby having to go back into the closet isn’t framed as a painful regression or being forced to deny an essential part of herself, but rather a fun twist, in the vein of “but the guy she insulted on the plane is the owner of the ornament factory she has to impress to win the Christmas contest!”🚪😒 

All of Harper’s behavior adds up to making her feel like something the audience wants Abby to be free of, not someone Abby should be fighting for. Once Riley tells Abby about Harper’s cruelty in high school, where Harper outed Riley and mocked her rather than standing up for her or finding an excuse that protected them both, it becomes incredibly difficult to root for the lead couple to get back together, or for Harper at all. 👏💃 

With this information, Harper’s other transgressions go from frustrating to part of a larger pattern. Sadly, it’s a pattern Harper repeats when her sister outs her and she throws Abby under the (lesbian) bus. 🤬 

FAVE THINGS: 

all interactions between John (Dan Levy) + Abby (he's witty, honest, and 100% the most entertaining element of the entire film; i wish we'd gotten more of him) 😆 

Riley (Aubrey Plaza, Harper's ex) + Abby's scenes together because CHEMISTRY, both between the characters and the actors 👩‍❤️‍👩

Notable between Abby + Riley scenes include 3 instances of Riley comforting Abby's hurt: outside at the fancy party (Abby feeling excluded/ignored/not worth anyone's time due to the way they treat her even though they don't know she's gay), at a gay bar in town (sandwiched by scenes where Abby's made to feel like crap by Harper), and at the fancy home Christmas party where Riley gets Abby something stronger to drink after hearing Abby was going to propose to Harper (but it's been a helluva shitty week and those plans are dead) 👭 

Every scene with Riley was blessed relief from the hurt and discomfort and boredom of the rest of the time with Harper's family. 🤩 

Sister Jane, for being a genuinely fun character 🤗 who was written starkly different to her family and treated somewhat like an outcast 

Aubrey + Kstew killin it in various pantsuits 👀 

In contrast, Riley connects Abby to queerness, bringing her to an LGBTQ bar to decompress and enjoy a Christmas-themed drag performance. It’s the most relaxed and comfortable Abby is on screen since the opening scenes, a chance to glimpse Abby’s authentic self before Harper summons her back to heterosexuality, and where she once again ignores and disappoints her. Riley actually talks to Abby at the various holiday parties whereas Harper keeps leaving her to please her family, especially her father. It’s not hard for the natural chemistry between Plaza and Stewart to take over

I wouldn't watch this film again. For a hopeful Christmasy love story I'd just watch all Abby + Riley's scenes: 

In closing, here's a batshit article title from observer.com that just makes you go, huh? 🧐:

‘Happiest Season’ Isn’t Happy, But That Doesn’t Make It a Bad Rom-Com

Um.. yes, yes it does. 

Rom-Coms are supposed to be fun, light-hearted stories about love even when the plot deals with lying - The Proposal, Sweet Home Alabama - so a movie that leaves you hurting more than comforted in sympathy with one of the main characters because the (apparent) love of their life is treating them like shit, then it doesn't deserve to be in the genre of Rom-Com. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨💞🎬

In summary, Abby and Harper got 5 minutes of happiness in the beginning, and an eventual happy ending after a super rocky middle. The journey was painful and unenjoyable, and it made their happy ending unbelievable and, for Harper, undeserved because of her behaviour through 90% of the story. 

In short: it was not, in fact, the happiest season. 😕👎

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Heavy Metal

Sometimes it’s fun to revisit old movies you watched when you were younger and find out, hey, this is better than you remembered! Sometimes your young mind just wasn’t ready to accept how awesome something was, and you needed time to fully understand what you look for and like about cinema to truly appreciate it. But then, sometimes, you watch something you liked when you were younger, and you realize… wow, this is absolute dog shit!

Such is the case with Heavy Metal. This is a movie I have frequently cited as a low-ranking entry on lists of the finest animated films of all time, and to be entirely fair to the film, it is important in a historical sense, being a cult classic that was passed around through bootlegs because music rights kept it from getting a home video release, and it came out around the dawn of the 80s and kind of destroyed what you would think an animated film was capable of. This film is full of sex, drugs, and rock and roll, and it entirely, unabashedly unashamed of this, for better or for worse.

Now, while I do think the overall film is a bit lacking, it is an anthology film divided into segments, and there are some pretty good ones I will make note of; this is not a film with absolutely no merit. But before that, let me point out the one thing everyone can agree is amazing about this film: the soundtrack. You’ve got Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, Stevie Nicks, Devo, Cheap Trick… if nothing else, the kickass soundtrack is worth a listen, though Blue Oyster Cult’s song inclusion irritates me to a great degree. The movie went with “Veteran of the Psychic Wars” for the soundtrack, despite the fact Blue Oyster Cult had a song ready to go that is literally about the final entry in the anthology, called “Vengeance (The Pact).” Why the people compiling the soundtrack made this choice baffles me; it reminds me of how they didn’t use “Jennifer’s Body” in, well, Jennifer’s Body, instead opting for a different Hole song from the same album.

But I digress. Let’s go one by one and touch on the segments:

The framing device is about an entity known as the Loc-Nar, who claims to be the sum of all evil, detailing to a little girl how it has influenced chaos and carnage across time and space. The thing is, though, the Loc-Nar doesn’t come out on top in any of the segments, and its schemes are often thwarted. So the entire movie is basically this supreme evil being detailing to a little girl how much it sucks ass at its one job.

The first segment is Harry Canyon, a story about the eponymous futuristic New York taxi driver. In some regards it reminds me of The Fifth Element, what with a scruffy, slummy, futuristic taxi driver trying to help a smoking hot babe find out the truth and all, but unlike that film, this short is a lot bleaker and gritty. You kinda know what you’re in for when Harry vaporizes a dude who tries to mug him, and if that’s not enough, the female lead of this short literally throws herslef at him, and yes, he gets to take a dive into her Harry Canyon – and you get to see it.

This is a running theme throughout these shorts – almost every female character has huge titties and is sexually promiscuous, throwing themselves at the first penis they see as if it was their job. It’s so incredibly juvenile and tacky as to be laughable, but I guess this comes with the territory considering the magazine this film adapted.

Anyway, the segment is harmless and unremarkable. It’s exactly what you’d expect from this sort of story, without much in the way of twists or turns.

The second segment, Den, is arguably the best segment in the entire film. We have a nerdy kid named Dan who gets transported across space and becomes the musclebound warrior with a huge cock known as Den. Every woman throws herself at him, every villain in his way gets pummeled, and no task is too impossible for this man! And did I mention that he is voiced by John Candy? Really, Candy’s comedic touch is what makes this entire thing feel fun and palatable; it’s a cheesy swords and sorcery romp through and through. Honestly, I don’t have much bad to say about this one, it’s just very silly fun.

Unfortunately we are back to being not great with Captain Sternn. Sternn, played by Eugene Levy (of The Wacky World of Mini Golf fame), is basically an intergalactic war criminal on trial, and when his paid witness Hanover Fiste (played by Rodger “Squidward Tentacles” Bumpass) comes up to the stand, the Loc-Nar influences him to the most evil act possible… betraying this war criminal in front of the judge and jury! GASP! I’m not sure what the Loc-Nar is really trying to do here; you’d think it would maybe want Sternn free to continue spreading wicked influence across the galaxy, but nah, it just makes Squidward hulk out and tries to kill him, only for the tables to be turned and Squidward to be dropped out an airlock, further cementing how utterly useless the Loc-Nar is.

Thankfully, once that’s over, we have yet another very strong segment, another contender for best in show: B-17. This is a genuinely creepy zombie short film, and the zombies are utterly horrifying and grotesque. This is regarded as the most nightmarish part of the film, and for good reason; this shit is certainly worthy of being called “heavy metal.” Honestly, there isn’t much bad to say about this one either, except perhaps that it is over far too soon.

Then we get to what is probably the worst segment: So Beautiful, So Dangerous. The entire segment is sort of meant to be a lighthearted comedic breather between The last segment and the final one, but it just comes off as combining every problem the movie has into one segment: the uselessness of the Loc-Nar, copious and ridiculous sex, drugs, and so on. Really all that’s missing from this is gratuitous violence, but hey, guess you can’t have everything all the time, right? It just comes off as really dull and pointless, and there’s not really anything particularly funny about anything that happens in it, unless of course you’re a thirteen year old who thinks “big boob woman having sex with robot while aliens snort cocaine” is the funniest shit on Earth.

Thankfully, we end on a strong note with Taarna, which is about a proud warrior woman dressed in horrifically impractical armor (and this actually effects the plot, I’m not kidding, somehow there was some self-awareness here) and a cool alien pteradactly flying off to fulfill a vengeful pact after the slaughter of a peaceful race by barbarians mutated by the Loc-Nar, in what may be the Loc-Nar’s sole impressive feat. Taarna is the ultimate hero, giving us the trifecta of qualities a heroine in this movie should have – boobs, butt, and bush... Er, I mean, sword, cool mount, and ass-kicking prowess. This one is not quite as good as “Den” or “B-17,” but I still think it’s a solid finale that has enough action and awesome music to make up for its tackier elements.

The movie ends with Taarna’s defeat of the Loc-Nar echoing through time and killing it which… makes absolutely zero sense, but whatever, the Loc-Nar is an absolutely atrocious villain and perhaps one of the most useless in cinematic history, he gets a 1/10 on Psycho Analysis. Then the girl gets her own kickass space dragon thing and becoming the new Taarna or something and, honestly, it’s the exact  sort of batshit ending you should expect from the film.

So, is this really an awful film? In some places, no. It’s a love letter to cheesy, trashy sci-fi fantasy from the 70s, with all that comes with it, and in that regard it does succeed. But still, a lot of the film feels like the utterly juvenile fantasies of same sad high schooler, or perhaps even middle schooler, who has never had and who likely never will have sex. It’s a tashy little time capsule to a bygone era where this sort of storytelling was okay so long as there was enough blood and titties on display, so if that appeals to you, by all means, check this film out. It’s certainly not the worst thing in the world to watch, but animation has come so far and adult animation in particular is capable of so much more than adolescent masturbatory fantasies that this film has little value beyond a few solid segments and a damn good soundtrack.

Hell, just go listen to the soundtrack. I think you’d have a better time doing that.

[highdollarroller]

Welcome Back

INVOLVED: Roller Husser, Jennifer Husser, Desna Simms, Polly Marks, & Annalise Zayas  LOCATION: D & D Salon; Sarasota, Florida TIME FRAME: - NOTES: Roller comes back to town, scoping out the business nearby the clinic and inadvertently Polly is arrested during his visit.

Roller stepped foot in D & D Nail Salon, which subsequently sat in the same plaza as Suncoast Clinic. He walked into the salon much like he owned it taking a look around at the staff, whistling softly at them. “Who open for a manicure?” he asked them as he stood in the doorway. 

Jennifer looked up hearing the chime of the door and she smirked seeing her brother-in-law stroll in. She got up from her chair chuckling lightly at the man and said “this is Bryce’s brother” hugging him gently to her side. “What are you doin’ here?” she asked amused. “When did you get back from Tallahassee?” 

Polly turned and smirked as a well muscled man entered the salon. “Well… well, we're all open sugar." She commented, the southern charmer accent strong in the red headed woman.  Eyes rolling over the man, she laid her hand on the flat of her check swishing her hips softly to invisible music. She moved forward and offered the not so unfamiliar stranger the back of her hand.  "I'm Polly. Enchanté." She said, dropping into the perfect curtsey. 

Desna chuckled as she  held her hair back away from her chest, allowing Quiet Ann to spritz her liberally with water. Her  laughter melted into a puddle, the moment the mini giant walked in.   Posing ass youngsters, she thought rolling her eyes. There was nothing worse than a white boy who had aspirations of being a rapper. Eh. Rolling back into an upright position,  her back arched. Oh lord, she thought picking up a towel. It was worse than she thought. He was a Husser. 

Quiet Ann lowered the spray bottle, slowly her lip curdling into a perfect scowl. She sized the newcomer up, Versace down. Gym rat. Cock sure. HUSSIER. Je vais devoir tirer sur ce gars dans les couilles. She thought moving back to her station. 

“Just got back in town” Roller said, paying Jenn no real attention as he eyed the thick framed woman picking up a towel before him. He walked forward a bit and licked his lips “you gon’ take care of me baby?” He asked the chocolate skinned woman, smirking all the while. 

Desna patted her neck then dabbed down deliberately across her chest before drying her hands with the towel. "Sure my station is right here." She said using the towel to point toward her spot.  She tossed the towel in the cleaning bag and swayed over to take her seat. 

“Uncle daddy got you working at that clinic already?” Jennifer asked Roller, moving to follow up behind him as he sat down at Desna’s station. 

Roller licked his lips slowly as he moved towards the woman’s station. Hearing his sister-in-law he looked back at her as he pulled his pants leg up a bit and sat down in the chair. “Yeah, he needed someone with my talents to run the business” he said smoothly. He turned to the pretty chocolate thing in front of him and smirked “y’all take cash or credit?” He asked her.

Desna hummed, taking the younger man's hand in her's. She ran her hand over his knuckles, the feel of them confirmed his Hussier lineage. While the massage of his palm proved more unclear. Smooth yet calloused. She grabbed the file, surveying him at his comment. Credit card this nigga was fresh out the joint… "We prefer cash and avoiding felonies".

Smirking lightly Jennifer walked past the two and said “this is Desna” gesturing the woman, as she looked at Roller. 

Roller smirked a little and said “all right Desna” in a calm tone. “Mind if I call you D?” He asked her curiously.

Desna raised her eyebrows. Holding his hand in her's. "Honey, you can call me whatever you want. As long as you tip big" she said with a roll of her neck. "Okay.." 

Polly snapped her finger, "oka_ah!" She said rolling her tongue. 

Jennifer chimed with a “okay” back to Desna as she sat in her station cleaning up the space. 

Roller looked at Desna and then to the other women behind her chiming in. “Shh shh” he said slyly, telling the other women to shut up. “A lady ‘bout her paper” he said looking back down at Desna “I like that”.

Desna rolled her eyes, lips twisted into a pout. She smooth the file over his fingernails filing them down. "So." She said glancing up at the man. "What were  you doing in Tallahassee? Is that where you're from?"

Roller watched the woman file his nails before he looked at her. “Self evaluating” he replied back to her slyly. “9 months of self evaluation and isolation” he said, looking up at Jennifer. “It was therapeutic.”

Jennifer looked at Roller and chuckled “is that what y’all do in the pen?” She asked him, giving him a knowing look as she moved to place various bottles of nail polish back where they belong. 

Desna slowed listening then stopped her filing, cackling with amusement.  Her chest rose and fell "Is that so?" She said, catching her breath. "Boy you play three much." 

Roller eyes snapped towards Jennifer “aye, chill” he said to her knowingly. She was telling too much of his business to the streets right now. He looked over at Desna “a smile” he commented. “This is light work, I usually play harder on dates.”

Desna pursed her lips.  "On a date?" She resumed her filing, finishing his thumb she places his hand in the soaking bowl. "I thought you were on an isolated retreat." she said sticking out her tongue. Chucking as she started, his other had. 

“Was” Roller reminded her “my mind was freed” he told her so “so it’s open to wander” he explained as his eyes rolled over her mounds and curves again. He sat up a bit checking her out on the other side before he looked back down at her work. 

Desna nodded her understanding, moving to pick up the cuticle pusher.  She laid his hand in the bowl, then retrieved the one that had been soaking.  “So you out here wildin now. Already a working Hussier and living your best life. This explains the party Uncle daddy is throwing tonight.” She said, shaking her ass in the seat.  “After the morning I’ve had I can wait.” 

Polly moved over to her chair bumping Desna’s shoulder with a bony hip. “Ohhh… I wasn’t sure you were going to go sugar.  But I have this new dress from Vera Wang.  I’ve been dying to wear.” He squealed both hands going to her chest. 

Roller chuckled “I’m pretty tamed actually” he corrected her, lying through his teeth. “Oh you gone come and shake yo thing huh?” He asked her with a smirk. “Good,” he said with a deep voice. As Polly moved over he looked up at her with a smirk on his face, Vera Wang, sure.

Jennifer chuckled as she moved around the salon freely. Shaking her head a little at Polly’s comment. 

Desna stilled her hand, and tried to keep the bitch please look off her face. “I can’t wait to see you wearing either poly bird. Or shaking it, girl.” She said swatting the woman on the side.   Head shaking she went back to work on the younger man’s hands.  “Tame as a barracuda I bet.” Desna quipped, pushing back the cuticles on his ring.  The deep rumble of his voice, viberated up through his large hands. Desna thought again how laughable the word tame was in reference to the grown boy in front of her. Giggling, swirling her more than ample hips in the chair again. “I’mma do a little something… something.” She winked.  “And if it's an open bar we might teach the dancers a thing or three.”

Polly smiled warmly down at Desna.  With a look of shock, “You know Vera Wang?” She asked Roller, with a smile.  “A man of many interests, I see.” She said moving over to speak with Quiet Ann. 

“I should be asking you that Polly” Roller replied back to her, licking his lips slowly. At her comment he dipped his head hiding his dimples and amusement before he leaned his head back up, playing it cool. He nodded his head slowly. “We will see,” he said to her. 

Polly laughed, “Roller…”  She said exhaudrating his name.  “It's a  fashion designer, silly.” 

Desna moved on to trimming his nails.  She laid his hand out in front of her, and dug around in the alcohol solution for the clippers. “Love and Hate” she read from off the knuckles of his fingers.  “Which one hits harder?” She asked, drawing up his right hand to begin the trim. 

Laying his hand out for her he smirked at Polly nodding his head, duh bitch, swirling in Roller’s mind. Looking back at Desna he looked at his knuckles “about the same” he said easily “especially these days” he replied. 

“He has a mean right hook” Jennifer tossed out, as she began to file her own nails gently looking them over. 

“Mhm” Desna hummed, doubting with her entire soul this man loved anything but himself.  At Jenn’s comment, her head swiveled in her direction and rolled her eyes so hard the socket of her eyes hurt. “Shut up!” She said, before laughing loudly again. “No, no now every tattoo has a story.  So..”  she said, eyeing her new client, “Was there a reason for these?” She asked,  tracing his tattoos with her nails.

Roller looked at Jenn, looking around Desna then back at the woman. “Um” he said, moving his shoulders from side to side before he said “the two things that drive and divide the world” he shrugged. “Doesn’t need an explanation honestly. Whose Dean?” He asked looking into her eyes. 

Desna clipped his thumb and pointer finger then paused to listen to his explanation. “Untrue. It does need an explanation. Unless your dumb ass that just likes have random shit drawn into your skin” she levied a searching look, then smiled sweetly.  “But there is some depth to your reason.  You’re not lying  But -For a Hussier - I would have thought you would have put love and money. If that’s not Uncle Daddies montra it should be.” She went back to work snipping down the rest of his nails. “Dean is the love of my life.” She said with a moment of hesitation. 

Roller listened to the woman as she spoke and he continued to watch her face as well. “Money is good, yeah” he agreed, leaving off his other thoughts about the topic. “I ain’t uncle daddy” he clarified with her simply. “Lucky dude, Dean,” he said, eyeing her tattoo. “Must be a cool dude, you done tattooed his name and shit” he breathed. 

“Preach!” Desna chanted, “Give me enough cash and at this point I can buy love” She laughed. “No,” She said, squinting at the man as she moved to his other hand. “I didn’t mean any disrespect. And like you and I both know.  Money is important. Getting it and keeping it.” As the words came from her mouth, Polly said the words allowed while Quiet Ann mouth along. “I should hope he knows so.” Desna went on after a moment. “Literally the best man I’ve ever known. Second to none.  Giving, takes care of me, and has always been my biggest supporter.” 

Jennifer looked to Quiet-Ann and Polly, smirking a little at the thought of Dean. Over the years he’d managed to become someone special to all of them actually. 

Roller nodded his head at her “it’s cool” he said ignoring everything else she’d said “yeah keeping it can be a bitch and a half, I guess that’s why people shouldn’t bank so much on it” he said. As she explained to him who Dean is he nodded slowly at her “hope he stays that way” he said sensibly. 

“Touche’” Desna said, with a heavy and sober sigh . His words were a fever dream of the rich. “And easier said than done for most of us.”  She said honestly, picking up the file again she evened out her tips, “He has been that way for the better part of 20 years. I should be safe.”  

“Twenty-Years?” Roller questioned “marry that bitch” he replied simply. “Fuck y’all waitin’ on, God to return?” he asked her. 

Desna burst out laughing. "Sir, who says I'm not married? She said side-eying him.  "No. Dean is my brother. D and D in the shop name stands for us. Desna and Dean."  

Roller jerked his neck “your brother” he repeated “oh I see” he said nodding his head. “Dean is your brother…” he said again. “So I guess you not married” he said. 

"Not yet. I don't have time for a husband." Desna said, reviewing her handy work.  "Did you want a clear top coat?"

Roller nodded his head at her and said “is the work complete without it?” 

Desna placed oil in the palm of her hand and began to massage the man's arms.  She needed his forearms lightly, reading the word as she went. "Nope." She said, shaking her head.  "Carpe DIEM? What does that mean?" 

At her question Roller looked at the tattoo and then to her “seize the day” he said to her, giving her it’s simplest meaning. His phone buzzed and he looked down before he looked back up at her. 

Desna reapplied oil to her hands and nodded "okay" She thought, moving over to his free hand. "I like that…" she finished then laid his hand down  and used a cotton ball to go over his fingernails. picking up the bottle of clear top coat she knocked in the palm of her hand before twisting the top off the bottles.

“Oh yeah” Roller said to her as he looked around the place, it wasn’t bad but it could have been better. “You the boss huh?” he asked her. 

Desna started with his pinky and lovingly began to apply an even coat of polish. She glared up and looked around the shop and the women in it, before going back to her labors. "Yes sir." She sang with a proud smirk. "It's our place.  But yes, I'm the boss." 

Roller around again nodding his head at her as she explained that she in fact owns the stop and that the other women worked for her. Just taking note of that in his own head. 

Desna worked in silence for a while. Taking care not to get polish on the flesh around his fingertip. "Would you like a pedicure as well."  

“Why not” Roller said to her simply “you kinda good with your hands” he complimented. 

Desna grimaced, rolling her eyes.   "Mhm" she mouthed, finishing his nails. "Quiet Ann, would you set him up for me?"  

Roller looked over at the dyke and he tilted his head, looking back at Desna. He pursed his lips however, it would do he guessed. 

Quiet Ann flexed her chin towards Desna acknowledging her request.  She rose to her feet, returning Roller’s gaze. Trouble. Was written all over this Eminem what to be. The quicker he was out the shop the more comfortable she would be.  Ann unshouldered the bat,  resting it by door, then cracked her knuckles. She moved to the pedicure chair, turning on the tap. She would normally do the pedicures herself, but look at the undercarriage of a set of balls wasn’t on her to do list for the day.  She let the water run over her hands, checking the temperature, then smirked as she threw in two over large handfuls of tavender scented water softener.  Hell, he might actually like. 

“Desna.” Polly sung, a wide smirk on her face, she rubbed her hands together. “I have got something for you. I picked up last night. I saw it and it had your name written all over it” 

Desna rose from her station, smoother her hands over her waist, beaconing Roller to follow her over to the pedicure station. She swayed across to the bowl, bending to check the temperature herself. “I hope you like it hot?” She threw back at the man, but for turning to face Polly. “Polly, I don't need anything -” She said matter of fact knowing the wicked ways of her friend. “What do you mean it had my name written on it? They haven’t started making Desna dollars yet?”

“Desna Dollar, Sug. That will be the day. No.. It’s an air conditioner for Dean.” She giggled. 

“Oh…” Desna said voice lighting, she moved to Roller’s side to help him remove his shoes. She went down easily in the stilettos, she wore, undoing his laces.  “Thank you Polly. Do I even want to ask where you found it?” 

Roller followed behind the thicker framed woman, watching her as she assisted in preparation of his pedicure. He looked at the woman who was assigned the job again before he stroked his beard and looked towards the owner and the redhead. As she moved to unlace his shoes he lowered himself in the chair stretching his long legs. 

“It just happened to be a gift from one of the seniors I work with.” Polly rang her hands together, eyes shift noticeably under Desna’s questions.    

Desna removed the man’s shoe and sock. The cupped the foot in her hand, rubbing over it lightly then, worked his pant leg up over his well formed calves. She had to give it to the boy. He worked out.  Lowering his foot in the water, she chuckled darkly, pivoting on her heels, she glanced over at Polly.  “I had it right.  I don’t want to know.” She interjected, cutting off any further explanation. “Thank you, Polly. Dean will love it. You know how hot his room gets at night.”  “Be careful your nails are still wet.” She chastised, returning her attention to her client, She patted the side of his leg softly, then repeated the process of removing his foot wear and added his other leg to the water. She went back up to a standing position easily, “Shit Polly, you know I have to pick up my car. Where is the air conditioner? Did you need me to pick it up?” She adjusted the arm of Roller’s chair, laying his arms on the rest, as she inspected his fingers, “massage?” She asked the over-sized man satisfied he hand messed his nails. 

Roller watched the attentive way the woman removed his shoes and rolled up his pants and he smirked to himself. He only looked up to Polly when he really started to overhear the conversation they were having with one another. He looked around slowly before he looked back at Polly amused. When Desna asked him if he wanted a massage he said “why not” easily. 

Polly swatted her hand dismissively at Desna.  “Sug.  I’ll keep at my house until you can get by. “By the way… how much you think it’s going to cost to get your car running- ”

Desna smirked, pushing the buttons of the massage chair the man was seated in.  “The magic finger will take good care of you.” The chair came to life, the mechanisms behind the leather cover, moving up the man’s back.  “No-” Desna turned, snapping her sharpened manicured nails at her longtime friend.  she turned and snapped her perfectly sculpted nails, “No- Not today, yesterday or tomorrow.  You want to help me Pual?  Let’s see how we can get more but in these empty seats.” 

Roller smirked at the woman lightly, offering her a head nod as the seat began to do its job. He began to relax a little more as he looked down at the one they called Quiet Ann. He looked back up at the other women as they spoke, intensely listening. 

Jennifer looked between Polly and Desna, shaking her head a bit as she stood upright from her chair, sitting her nail file down against her station. “Come over here” she said, gesturing the women towards the office, before ushering them towards it. 

Quiet Ann eyes widened with an innocent that seemed real enough to the untrained eye. "What?" She asked a dainty run towards the private office entrances. 

Desna rolled her eyes and sighed as Jenn stepped in to meditate.  She moved over to her station grabbing her bag before swaying into the close space of intersacom.  "Jenn what was all that about?" She asked, dropping her bag by the corner of her desk.  She picked up the huge pile of past due stamped bills. She riffled through the mail playing her favorite game of who gets paid this week. Settling on the light bill, she dropped the rest and slid into her office chair. 

“We can’t get people in chairs because of conversations like that” Jennifer said to the two women as she sat down in a chair looking out at the nearly empty establishment. She looked at her brother-in-law and said “besides, I really wanted to say that Roller” she smirked looking at Desna then back at her brother-in-law “sees something he wants…” 

Quiet Ann entered the office. The insistent ushering hadn’t included her directly but when did it ever.  She closed the door to the room, with a firm push, then moved over to the blinds, raising them up to better keep an eye on the salon floor.  The best idea she ever had.  The one way glass let them see out while keeping prying eyes at bay. She thought folding her arms over her chest, she kept her eyes firmly planted on Roller. 

Desna cackled, clucking her tongue.  “Please- that is a lie from the pits of hell.  Most of these heffas love some good gossip.”  She said, opening the check book on her desk. She wrote of the check, pausing over the date line as she contemplated putting the wrong date on the check on purpose. She felt more than saw Jenn looking towards her, she pursed her lips and mumbled, “A mix tape…”  

Polly moved over to stand beside Quiet Ann. Surveying the new addition to the strip mall.  “Mhm..” She said with a sly smirk, agreeing with Jenn.  “He’s a big boy Desna… A real big boy.”

Jennifer looked at Polly and chuckled “mhm, a real big boy” she replied back to her. “And I am not even going to comment back to that mixtape jab” she said pointing a perfectly manicured nail at Desna. “What’s wrong with roller?” she asked her. 

Desna groaned, then filled in the correct date. The bill had to be paid, there was no use in dodging it. She cut her eyes at Jenn. ”A Hussier through and through.  For starters his name is Roller.” She said, shaking his head. 

Polly folded over laughing. “Oh.. Desna. I can’t believe you. It’s the pnk dick. Isn’t it.” She said her tone smug. 

“What’s wrong with a pink dick?” Jennifer asked looking over at Polly. 

Ann dropped her arms, eyes still on the younger man.  “She wants a black dick.” She said, once again having to state the obvious. 

“Woah .. Woah.” Desna said, waving her hands.  “I am right here.  I can hear y'all. And don’t tell me what kind of dick I want.” She told them, “I just don’t have time for thug love wanna be.” 

“As a woman who has experienced a rainbow of pensises” she said with a sly chuckle. “All of them are black once you turn the lights off” she mused, before she began to laugh. 

Desna gave Jenn a withering look as she rose to her feet. “That maybe but I am a business woman. And in the cold light of day. That wanna to be Hussier ain’t gonna take me where I wanna go.” She told the girls, eyeing the man suspiciously. 

“We could double date,” Jennifer said playfully back to Desna.

“Or we could not.”  Desna said back, turning on her friend, as she moved back towards the door. 

“I’d snuggle to that pink dick, if it got me a gold watch.” Polly told the room, no hint of playfulness in her voice. 

Desna swat her with the papers in her hand and chuckled as she pulled the office door open. 

Quiet Ann shook her head. Sighing as she stepped up and lowered the binds. Hiding the one way glass from sight. No one knew about it and she wanted to keep it that way.  

“Polly” Jennifer said with a shake of her head as they walked out of the office. She moved back to her station and began to organize to pass time. 

Roller looked up as the woman returned, shifting in his seat as he looked Desna up and down slowly. He needed her, preferably in his bed but in a perfect world at his side and beckoning call like the other chicks in his life. 

Polly smirked looking back at Desna as she moved past her.  Eye going back to the salon floor she ran directly into the over predatory stare Roller.  She chuckled a bit more, licking her lips as she slipped back into her perfect southern accent, “Did you need anything sugar?” She asked Roller looking towards her best friend and boss. 

Quiet Ann smiled at the woman’s antics as she left the office. She took the Newports from her top pocket, slipping one of the squares between her lips.  She was almost to her perch by the door when she caught sight of the 3 black and white cruisers just outside the shop's doors. “5 - 0.” She hissed, pointing at the windows.  

There was only one person they could be here for.  Desna rushed towards the door, eyes widening. She didn’t even look back as she barked instructions. “Polly Go!” She yelled, pointing towards the back of the shop.  “Get out of here now.” She ordered, only concern heavy in her voice. 

Polly’s hand covered her mouth as cold recognition came over her. “I’m sorry…” She said, apologize eyes watering as she looked between the women. Quiet Ann, Jenn, then back to Desna.  “I’m so sorry.”

“Polly Go!” Both Desna and Anne screamed trying to get the woman to move. 

Polly started, and rushed towards the back door.  Only she was too late.  Two large cops came in the back way. “Polly Marks, you are under arrest.”  The biggest of the two cops said, taking the woman by the arm.  Polly squirmed  and turned futally to go back the other way,  Only the cops were coming in the front of the shop by this point, pushing past Desna and Quiet Ann. Hot tears were falling now as a bone deep fear set in. 

Desna yelled,  move towards her friend, “you don’t have to grab her like that. Polly. Don’t struggle.” She said, trying to calm the woman. “Don’t worry Polly I’m going to get you out. Okay.” She said, trying to keep the woman’s attention focused on her and not the men pulling her out of the shop. “I promise Polly we are coming to get you.” She promised again, even as they bodily pushed her out of the shop door. 

Roller looked at some of the items that were displayed near him and he sat a bottle back down before he looked up hearing the words “5-0” leave one of the women. He watched as the officer drug the red hair out of the building and he said “damn” with a headshake. “Y’all some real gangster up in here” a smirk on his face. 

Desna hand went to the side of her head. How was she going to get Polly out of jail? Was already the most pressing thought on her mind.  She swirled back to look at the smirking giant still propped up in the pedicure chair.  “Shut up!” She hissed, not finding a damn thing funny. 

Jennifer licked her lips “what are we going to do?” she asked her curiously, eyes moving over to Roller and the few other people in the building. “You and quiet Ann should go..” she suggested “and I’ll stay and run things” she told them. They all couldn’t go and leave the shop closed for the day they needed whatever they’d make. 

Desna moved towards Jennifer grabbing her hand for support. “I don’t know Jenn. “Ummm” She said, hand going to her forehead. “They have to set her bond first. Then we can get her out. If I can find the money..” She tossed around her option mentally for a moment, sighed, frowning as she made the only decision she could.  Squeezing Jenn hand, she let the woman go and moved off towards her office.  “For right now, Ann, take me to Willy,I need to ask his ass for a favor.  

Jennifer looked at the woman and nodded “okay” she told her simply what else could there have been said in the moment. At Desna’s words she moved before Roller and sat down, she placed a pair of gloves on and looked up at him. “Here, let me get you out of here” she breathed as she prepared to complete his pedicure herself. 

“You know they ain’t let her ass go” Roller said looking down at Jenn, he relaxed more. “Not off that shit y’all was talking ‘bout” he told her in a gruff voice. “Damn I need one of these chairs at home” he said looking down at it. “Hit me up with you girl tho” he added looking back down. “Let me take her up out this tied ass shit” he said gesturing to the building. 

Jennifer looked up at Roller and she sighed “do you think I need that right now?” she asked him seriously. She smacked her teeth at him and shook her head “I tried, she’s not biting. She knows whose family you belong to” she told him as she began to scrub his feet. “Besides we will be out of this building one day and into another, watch” she replied. 

Roller chuckled at that “hard to get” he said to him as he stroked his beard and leaned his head back. “I like a chase” he smirked to himself as he thought about it. “We’ll see….” 

[dan-levy-is-my-life-coach]

“There’s a lot of rules that somehow have crept into our society that have stopped a lot of people from living authentic and free and inspiring lives. I feel like anything we can do to kind of remove those barriers for people…”

Dan Levy, C Magazine: https://magazinec.com/style/who-framed-dan-levy/

Photo: DL Eyewear

+++++

There are so many unnecessary “rules” in society- what to wear, what to eat, how to fix your hair, who to love, how to define gender- and what are they really for?  To make someone else comfortable? 

(I’d say unwritten rules, but unfortunately some of them are actually codified in law, too.)

I hope we can all find ways to live our authentic, free and inspiring lives. 

[jswdmb1]

24 Frames

“You thought God was an architect, now you know

He's something like a pipe bomb ready to blow

And everything you built that's all for show 

goes up in flames - in twenty- four frames”

- Jason Isbell

This may come as a shock, especially to those who know me well, but I can be very stubborn. Sometimes this can work into my favor as it helps bolster confidence when I take a difficult position that I know is right, or it can help me persist when odds are long such as starting a new business.  But this often is a character trait that I know can hold me back.  In particular, I bristle at things I am told that I “should” do even when it clearly would be in my best interest to do whatever is being suggested.  It usually takes someone equally stubborn to get me to move off of my position, but this did happen recently.

My wife is always on me to watch various different television programs, but I always balk.  I watch some TV but is it well documented (on this blog) that it is pretty much limited to PBS and reruns of old game shows and sitcoms.  I don’t like to leave that comfort zone, and it takes a lot for me to try out a new show – especially one that is episodic that expects you to come back week-after-week. I know that means I miss out on a lot of good stuff, but I’m okay with that as it allows me to keep my time on the tube under control and I don’t get more involved with something than I really want to be.  But on this one particular show, she was quite persistent, and I was challenged to at least give it a try.

The show is Schitt’s Creek, and I am sure you have heard of it if you do not already know it well. If you haven’t seen it, do not worry, as I will not be disclosing too much about the program.  Even if you have heard a lot about it and feel you know the story, part of the charm of the show is watching the characters develop throughout the series, so plot turns and the such are not as important as in some other episodic series.  The basic plot is that an extremely wealthy family of four, including two adult children, are forced to move to a small town when they lose everything overnight due to a business manager not paying taxes.  The series starts with the scene of revenue agents raiding their mansion as the family frantically collects a few belongings, so no time is spent on their past life.  Every moment from the first scene is spent on their life afterwards which involves living somewhere in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of regular folks.  It sounds like a typical fish-out-of-water setting (think the second Bob Newhart show for the closest example), and that is certainly mined for plenty of laughs, but it quickly becomes clear that the show is about much more than this.

That is all you are going to get from me about the actual show, because no more details are relevant to the rest of this post.  Except that the acting in this show is brilliant and worth watching for that alone.  The father and mother are played by Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara, both of whom I have been watching for decades in their various film roles and on the hilarious SCTV program.  The chemistry between the two is so natural and genuine that you quickly adopt them as Johnny and Moira Rose and forget their 40+ years in show business as other characters.  The children played by Levy’s son Dan and Annie Murphy are equally good and get a lot of the laughs as their clear lack of reality in their past lives plays to insane results when applied to the real world of the town of Schitt’s Creek.  The supporting cast is not just a bunch of wacky neighbors but add much depth to the show and develop themselves over the course of the series, especially the character of Stevie played by Emily Hampshire. The character of Roland Schitt, played by Chris Elliot, may be the best second banana on television since Cosmo Kramer. Again, none of this gives away much if anything about the show or the various plot arcs, but it should give you extra motivation to watch as talent like this collecting in one place is rare indeed.

And why exactly am I so intent on you watching this show?  While the quality of the program and the enjoyment it will provide you is enough reason to dive in, I have discovered a much greater purpose to following the evolving journey of the Roses.  Even though the show was created over five years ago, and largely wrapped production on its sixth season before 2020, it has become for me the perfect allegory for the United States right now.  Our country is going through the same experience that the Roses went through much of the first two seasons.  After the sudden event of COVID-19, we found ourselves much in a place like Schitt’s Creek. Over seven months into this pandemic, we are still stuck in what life was like before and when will it ever return. I do not think this is much of a spoiler alert for anyone who is rational, but how the way things were is never coming back.  COVID-19 has wreaked havoc on our society, and we like to blame it for all of our current problems, but it simply laid bare all of our faults and weaknesses almost overnight.  We are now no longer able to push those existential problems aside and have to face them head on. Many of us are not up for the challenge and would like something to change things back overnight, but that is not happening.  It doesn’t matter if there is a vaccine, or a new president, we have to face that we collectively lived lives that were not grounded in reality and our fates hung delicately in the balance just waiting for something like COVID-19 to come and bring it crashing down.  Just like the Roses lost everything in one quick raid, we now find ourselves building our lives all over again in a strange place where we are very uncomfortable.

Now I know that is difficult to hear and very depressing, but here comes the good part.  Just because things have changed does not necessarily mean that we can’t grow and develop into something even better than we had before. Obviously, a deadly disease like COVID-19 is not something we ever wanted, and it has brought countless suffering and death to too many people, but it does provide for a starting point to helping us grow beyond some of the shallower lives we lead previously.  It may take a lot of tough love, but we will eventually get the virus under control and the big question will be what is next.  For me, there needs to be an evolution past wherever we were before this all went down. I think our guide can be the Rose family in Schitt’s Creek.  The a-ha moment for me came at the end of season two titled “Happy Anniversary”.  I will disclose nothing more about it other than to say it was a transformative episode not only for the Roses, but for my own outlook on things as we move into what will be a very dark winter.  

If you are a watcher of the series, some of this may make more sense to you, but I think even you could benefit from another viewing to see if you can apply some of this to your own life as well.  I am actually only through Season 3 so far (I know enough about what lies ahead to be able to write this post, but it hasn’t ruined a thing for me), but I am already making plans for starting over to pick up things I missed the first time around. And it is important that you start in the beginning and move through the episodes sequentially.  Not so much because you will lose the story, as many of the stories are self-contained within an episode, but because you will miss out on the character development along the way (again, kudos to the actors and actresses in this show who so brilliantly developed these characters). I know this is playing it up quite a bit but trust this one-time reluctant viewer to be assured that your time is going to be well spent.

This many come off as a review, but it really is not.  I mean, if I were a reviewer, I would include some of the above in my story (and end with four stars or whatever the highest rating is), but this has become so much more for me.  It has served as a life-saving antidote to the poison spewed in traditional media and social media that makes me nauseous on a daily basis.  I find myself occasionally daydreaming about a funny scene I saw, or a subtle profound moment in the show, which has replaced some of the constant worry about the pandemic, or economy, or the election, all of which have a life-or-death feeling to them.  It has proven to be a rare new tool in my arsenal against anxiety and it will end up being one of my lasting memories of 2020.  That is a lot to say for one show about a year as particularly disastrous as this one, but I sincerely believe that.  

So, don’t be like me and be stubborn if you haven’t seen this show.  As soon as you read my last sentence, get yourself on Netflix and start watching with Season 1, Episode 1.  And make sure you don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow because the one negative is that it will be hard to stop once you get started.  But I think it is okay right now to binge on something that is finally showing us that there is a way to succeed in life without putting others down or placing selfish pursuits over relationships.  So, dig in and enjoy and I promise that I have learned one other thing throughout this experience – keep an open mind.  Because when you keep your mind closed, you shut out a world of possibilities, even when that world seems to have none.  

Enjoy,

Jim

[theartificialdane]

The glasses and sweater are B living her full Dan levy fantasy

I can see where she got the inspiration from, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it #lilbrat

I’ll never be a fan of big bulky glasses with such a thick frame, since the people who wears them tend to be real freaking annoying

[blake-wyatt]

What time did you need me to show up to watch you play the baseball?

David wearing The Bracelet

Patrick keeping a black and white framed photograph of david ON THE MANTELPIECE

The unrelenting teasing and banter. ‘We just need a body’ ‘Then go to a morgue’ is pure Married Couple and I’m living for this. They’re so sure of each other’s feelings that they can be Bitches and I 👏 Am 👏 Here 👏 For 👏 This 👏

Cheek kisses! Lil kisses! Lil smoochies!

Dan Levy in baseball garb

Patrick being very into his boyfriend wearing baseball clothes.  

The Art of Compromise. David playing baseball for Patrick, and watching baseball for Patrick, and going on a hike, and opening up the bathroom for the public, and hosting a high school sleepover party. Patrick watching rom coms, and wearing matching silk PJs, and letting David decorate his apartment (don’t @ me - there are black and white pictures and upcycled bottled candles and cacti everywhere)

I can hear you!

David getting pissed off. David telling off Patrick because lbr he was being kind of a dick and he didn’t want to play in the first place but goddamnit he’s going to bat, he’s going to bat and demand some respect, he’s going to bat and run and get that barbecue meat!

Are you okay? #concernedboyfriend

PATRICK HAS A CRUSH ON HIS SUPER CUTE TEAMMATE WHO HIT A HOMERUN AND OPS THAT’S HIS BOYFRIEND AND HIS BOYFRIEND WON THEM THE GAME AND HE CAN KISS HIM HE CAN KISS HIM IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE TEAM AND ISN’T IT JUST WHAT HE’D BEEN DREAMING OF ALL THROUGHOUT HIGHSCHOOL

David eating his lil hot dog while Patrick apologized for his behaviour and held an icepacket to his back.

Healthy! Healthy wholesome fun sexy bantery relationship! what is this ship!!!!!!!!!! thank u universe.