#who is nonetheless completely unable to function

[bekkandaa]

thank you for your analysis of him!! it's very interesting. especially the part where you mentioned him being a romantic because he's objectively perceived as a cold, cruel, emotionally unavailable person (which he was) but he clearly found grandiose motivations and purposes to justify his crimes. how self-aware do you think he was? and if he was made aware of the outcome of his quest for power, would he do it nonetheless? realistically what would it take for him to have a moral crisis or question his values? was he aromantic and repulsed by human connection by nature or did he actively suppress whatever humanity was left...or maybe just try to be perceived as not needing it? sorry for asking so many questions. i could spend hours attempting to unravel tom's psyche.

thanks in advance

Hello Anon! Thank you for your questions. I want to address the first few in a different post, because I have a few different answers I want to discuss and don't want this post to run on forever. Is Tom Riddle Aromantic?

Before we delve into the intricacies of Tom Riddle's capacity for Romantic love, it is important for me to mention that we'll be disregarding the plot point of his inability to love due to his parents' love potion thing. Instead, our focus will be purely on his psyche and the effect that has on his ability to love. ( Because that's what this blog is for, and the whole love potion thing is silly in my humble opinion)

To address whether Riddle's beliefs and upbringing contribute to an aromantic disposition, I think we first have to consider his own capacity for romantic love. I'll be discussing his capacity for romantic love through the fact of his narcissism, a topic I've explored before here.

Riddle's psychology can largely be understood through the lens of pathological narcissism. While all humans present a public façade, for a pathological narcissist, the gap between this façade and their concealed self is particularly stark. Riddle's charm was a strategic tool to attract admirers who could feed his sense of self. This façade protects the false self from exposure, maintaining his grandiose self-image and fuelling his delusions.

Emotional intimacy is typically outside a narcissist's comfort zone as they are disconnected from their true feelings, driven instead by the need to uphold their grandiose persona. Narcissists often idealise their partners' admirable qualities, using them as a mirror for their own grandiosity. In this context, love becomes a means to an end—a way to support their self-image, making romantic love a form of supply for a narcissist.

Narcissists possess many qualities such as social confidence, likability, and charm, which are optimal for initiating relationships. However, these are coupled with traits like low empathy, a tendency to use others to maintain their false self-image, and overall self-centeredness, which are destructive to functional relationships. A narcissist's partner is usually objectified, unable to retain their own autonomy within the relationship. If the partner shatters the narcissist's illusion, they may become the target of contempt for disrupting the narcissist's grandiose perception they created of their partner. Essentially, the goal of such a relationship is the complete obliteration of the partner's autonomy.

Despite these challenges, it is important to recognise that narcissists can and do love, although their love sometimes differs from a healthy, unconditional relationship. Following this logic, Riddle is capable of romantic love, but it would most likely be an unhealthy relationship where his partner is more objectified than valued as a person.

Having established Riddle's capacity for love, we return to the question of his potential aromanticism. Possible reasons include:

Repulsion by human connection by nature Active suppression of any remaining humanity Intentional portrayal of himself as above human needs

While I do not believe Riddle was innately repulsed by human connection from birth, he likely developed this repulsion through his upbringing. His identity and beliefs were deeply intertwined with his blood status. Discovering his ancestry to Salazar Slytherin inflated his ego and sense of self, fuelling his delusions about an "idealised parent image." However, learning about his Muggle father shattered these notions, inducing an identity crisis and internal conflict. This conflict manifested in his actions, such as punishing his father and changing his name.

Rejection by the family he sought further shattered his grandiose self-image, deepening his mental breakdown. This rejection likely made him feel repulsed by the human connection he sought, leading him to view himself as above such needs. Despite his heritage being a construct to fuel his false-self, the search for a parent and creation of an "idealised parent image" is common among children lacking parental figures. This behaviour signifies Riddle's inherent humanity and need for connection, which he suppressed following the shattering of his idealised image.

According to Freud, human behaviour is more influenced by the unconscious mind rather than the conscious one. The unconscious mind, filled with painful memories, tries to protect the conscious mind by hiding them, influences attitudes, behaviours, and character. For Riddle, the painful memories of his corrupted heritage resurfaced, despite his unconscious mind's attempts to hide them. He then attempted to eradicate his past self, exemplified by his transformation into Lord Voldemort and his agenda concerning blood status.

This brings us to the final point: in eradicating his past, Riddle attempted to portray himself as devoid of human needs through his new persona, Lord Voldemort. ( in all honesty he done the opposite by doing that, just really announced his fear of his own humanity and his disgust of it.)

These points, stemming from his past, suggest that Riddle is most likely aromantic. While he is capable of love, albeit in an unhealthy way, he sees himself above the need for it and suppresses any potential need under the guise of repulsion due to the rejection he faced. TLDR : Tom Riddle is in fact Aromantic, and that was more or less caused by him getting his feelings hurt and choosing to suppress / act like he does not need humanity at all. Just going back to Anon at the beginning talking about how Riddle was a romantic, (which he was, it's a universal fact at this point) I do think it's hilarious how he chose the most 'teenage girl' items for his horcruxes. Diary boy really wanted to go all out and I can respect it.

[jiminrings]

MISS MAMA CABINET MEMBER JIMINRINGS can we pls get another sneak peek for the c*ntroversial fics like u did before??? also if yes can u pls pls pls put in matilda i will give u my most prized pc for it

c*ntroversial fics sneak peek (2)

+ sneak peek 1

matilda series — wherein older bf jungkook’s love language is tough love, and he refuses to come through for you even in dire situations just so you could “learn”.

Your friends don’t like Jungkook.

They don’t like him for an extensive number of reasons and given everything they talk your ear off for, you’ve completely lost count about what exactly they hate about your boyfriend.

For starters, Jimin keeps reiterating that Jungkook’s too old for you at every chance he gets. The age gap between you isn’t too big in the first place and Jimin himself told you that he wouldn’t mind it — if, and only if, your boyfriend didn’t make a horrible first impression on him by looking him up and down (with a nasty look no less) and asking you out loud if you were sure about your choices regarding friends.

Hoseok doesn’t like Jungkook either, except this time, it’s for the reason that he’s too sure of himself. He doesn’t mind the age gap, but he does mind (read: loathe) the way that at the one time your boyfriend showed up for a dinner with you and your closest friends, his back remained stuck to the back of the chair with his arms crossed. Jungkook was just there as if he was forced to (he was) and Hoseok hated that smug look on his face more than ever.

Your friends hate the way Jungkook picks up the check, not because he was trying very earnestly to win them over, but because he genuinely thought they were unable to. They despise the way that they’ve had to have a conversation in the car about holding themselves back from cutting your steak or peeling your shrimp, only for Jungkook to not do any of that for you despise them backing off.

Your parents don’t even know about Jungkook’s existence because you’re sure they would disapprove; they’ve always thought that their only daughter would end up with a partner who treats her like precious cargo — not someone who treats you to go look for that precious cargo with your hands dirty and your knees scuffed.

Nonetheless, whether your family and friends don’t and won’t like Jungkook, you still feel the need to protect him.

There’s this overwhelming urge in you to have Jungkook in your arms, even if he’s bigger and tougher and older and more accomplished than you, all because no one’s ever done that for him. You know about Jungkook’s string of exes and he knows about yours, and with it, you know more than ever that you don’t need to change for him.

If anything, you just want to be yourself even more around him — even if Jungkook always tells you to learn how to stand on your own.

Your older boyfriend’s demeanor wouldn’t faze you if it was any other day; his blunt and discreetly concerned tough love for you wouldn’t bother you if only he wasn’t making it painfully obvious right now, out of all the instances, that he won’t bother for you.

Jungkook refuses to come to your aid, even if it’s him that you need the most, under the guise that he’s only making you stronger.

“You have to learn to do that yourself, Y/N,” he groans into the call, the frustration in his voice making it easy for you to visualize the picture of him in his high-rise office, pinching his nose bridge in annoyance as he treats your call for help like its another one of his work dilemmas.

“But I can’t, Jungkook. That’s the thing,” you seethe, running a trembling hand through your hair as you try to ignore the looks that you get from all the people in their fully-functional, intact-with-wheels cars that pass by you.

The whole situation’s nerve-wracking: from the way you keep hearing this awful sound in your chassis, to the way your blinkers are barely even working out of nowhere, and all the way to the sudden feeling that your car keeps veering to the left lane despite driving straightly — you feel like you’ve been blindsided.

You’re both blindsided by the sudden onset of driving anxiety (along with the sheer fact that something’s really wrong with your car), and the long withstanding fact that Jungkook, the man you love most, won’t drive the short distance to help you.

“You’re saying that even if you haven’t tried.”

.

.

.

trophy series — wherein f1 racer jimin thanks his famous ex-girlfriend for always believing in him in his victory speech.

You didn’t like a lot of things before Jimin came into your life.

For instance, you didn’t even like racing (or even stuck your nose into it by doing a grand total of one internet search by your own will) until you got introduced to Jimin by a friend of a friend and had thought that maybe, guys driving around in loops for god knows how many laps isn’t so boring.

Through Jimin, you learned that you could grow past your aversion to a lot of things — him included.

You weren’t the biggest fan of going out not unless you had unavoidable chores to do, and now, you find yourself asking Jimin to go out and do nothing with you every time his schedule opens up.

You didn’t like sharing anything from your personal romantic life to your parents when you were a teenager, but now, your mom asks you to bring your boyfriend more often so he could teach him how to cook, and your dad can’t stop buying matching hats for the both of them.

You hated the spotlight being on you no matter what context it was; whether it was your friend posting a picture of him and you wearing Jimin’s jacket being caught in the background (then posted to Pinterest the next day, which means therefore you’re now posted everywhere) despite not knowing who he was at the time (you were literally just cold and his jacket was on sale at the nearest souvenir store), or actually being with Jimin this time around.

You don’t hate being known as Jimin’s girlfriend — what you do hate is knowing that everyone else knows that someone else came before you and that you have to live with that fact.

You, and not Jimin, have to live with the fact that every time you come down to watch him, you’ll always have Seri, his ex, all around you. She’s on the billboard at the building a few blocks away, she’s on the video edits with whatever vaguely nostalgic-sounding music playing in the background, and she’s even on the white linen polos you’ve been seeing so often lately because it was her trademark outfit to watch Jimin.

Seri, Jimin’s first love and the nation’s sweetheart, came before you and you have to live with that.

“No, seriously. It’s fine. We’re all mature about it,” you reassure Jungkook for the millionth time because he can’t stop squeezing your hand in worry. Your friend’s more worried for you than he is for Jimin, even if he’s just a lap and a half away from clinching a historic win.

You’re mature about Jimin being friends with his greatest love because you can’t rewrite history, and because Jimin and Seri will forever be a part of each other’s lives in one way or another; worse, if they’re just being themselves, because it would mean you’re still you and technically, you’re no one when put next to them.

“Seriously, stop worrying. I’m not bothered.”

You’re mature about it, you convince both Jungkook and yourself, as you try to ignore how the majority of everyone’s eyes only flit into two directions: Jimin’s car on the screen, and Seri by the lower box who’s lost all composure and is cheering for him, for your boyfriend, just like old times.

Unlike Seri, your hands are clenched together, not because you’re praying for Jimin’s win, but because if you were to untangle them, it would immediately register to you that they’re cold upon foreseeing Jimin’s win.

Jimin will win and yet his gaze, like everyone else’s, will go to Seri.

“It makes sense, Jungkook. They’ve been there for each other since the start,” you nod tightly, the feeling of having to explain to your friend amidst all the uproarious cheers and whistles that you’re absolutely not hurt at all being the one to crush your chest.

When Jimin makes it up to the podium, you know not to expect anything. You know by now that you’re not going to get any cheesy remarks from any of the audience, nor will you ever get the cameras pan to your own teary eyes when it comes to Jimin’s win.

When Jimin wins, when he gets the trophy, the world automatically stops for only him and his first love alone.

.

.

.

night, day, noon series — wherein yoongi cheats on you.

Yoongi tore his ACL playing hockey.

It’s his fall from grace as what many of his fans have assumed, seeing to it that his injury could not have come at a worse time; in between the pressure put on his shoulders as the star player to cinch his team’s three-peat win and his own frustrations with himself, Yoongi had reached a breaking point when his injury benched him for the rest of the season.

Your husband’s breaking point is unlike any of his teammates’, even if his injury is nearing the top of the pyramid when it comes to being the worst. Yoongi didn’t turn to any vice nor did he succumb to any of his frustration whenever the realization washes over him that instead of being on the ice, he’s doing everything but.

Yoongi’s breaking point is barely there — it’s a summit the two of you have already conquered but when you do look down, you’re uncertain of where exactly you’re looking at.

Some days, he detests his physical rehabilitation. 

Nowadays, Yoongi actually can’t wait to get out of the house just to put himself through a session of what he used to describe as beyond annoying.

There’s not one part of you that doesn’t ache in seeing Yoongi be unlike himself, even if he shows to you that he could be independent without your help.

There’s a cloying and tedious aftertaste to your mouth whenever you can’t help your husband the way he wants you to. He himself can’t tell where he wants you to stand exactly, but even with that knowledge, the lingering fear of inadequacy stays in your gut.

The fear that you won’t ever be enough for Yoongi sinks when he holds your hand to walk, but it floats right back to the surface when you look down on your intertwined fingers to realize that you’re holding onto him tighter than he holds onto you; just as if you’re the one who’s dependent on being needed rather than being the one who yearns.

The ache that you’re not what Yoongi needs is a perpetually grinding iteration in your mind — it preys on you the longer that you delude yourself into thinking that the boost in Yoongi’s step is nothing less than his own motivation to recover, and nothing more than him taking your support however he sees fit.

The realization that you’re what Yoongi has but doesn’t need– doesn’t want, even— comes to you as an image that you can never forget.

You find them in the evening, in the middle of the ice where Yoongi struggles to support himself, yet he finds solace in Dahye that it’s enough for him to relax in his physical therapist’s hold.

His legs barely tremble yet he holds onto Dahye like she’s the world; like her hands are far more deserving than yours to be held because Yoongi’s grip tightens on her without any prompting.

Yoongi, your husband, holds her far too tightly — far too closely and intimately, you’d mistaken her for yourself if not for the blaring absence of a wedding ring on her finger.

His legs barely tremble and his shoulders barely shiver, yet he holds onto Dahye as if she’s what you once were to him — as if she’s this immovable object whom he loves beyond life, enough for him to consider retiring early out of the fear he’ll get an injury he can’t reverse.

You’re not Dahye, and even so, you come to realize as you stand by the nosebleeds that you’re the one at a disadvantage. Not her.

Yoongi holds her far too tightly, and if not for the tears that blur your vision, you’d think then that his only logical follow-up is to kiss her.

You’re immovable now, just not in the same way you once were to Yoongi.

It’s seven in the evening when you watch your husband make out with another woman in the middle of the rink, right before he drags her out to the locker room to fuck her.

.

.

.

breadwinner series — wherein taehyung’s a breadwinner who always thinks you’re pitying him, so he tells you off in the dark.. in the surprise party you threw for him.. for everyone to hear.

Taehyung has never not been hardworking.

You knew from the first day of your freshman year that Taehyung doesn’t have any excuses when it comes to working. He was already on his junior year riding on an athletic scholarship, and even his free ride hadn’t been enough to stop him from working as a librarian in the library (to you, it was a free nap space with charging outlets) that you only loitered at.

You knew it one semester into your freshman year, because as soon as you boldly asked Taehyung out during his shift after having spent months chatting him up and leaving snacks for him, his first question was what time your date would be so he could check if he’ll be able to go to his bartender job after.

You knew Taehyung, your beloved boyfriend, was beyond hardworking when you took him out to meet your parents and he mowed the grass in your childhood home’s lawn out of muscle memory, when you had only left him alone for twenty minutes.

You knew in your heart (more than anyone else in the world could) that he wouldn’t stop at anything in order to put something, if not everything, on the table for his family, because he hasn’t even thought about marriage yet.

“I don’t want to hold it against him, Soomin,” you sigh, smiling sincerely to Taehyung’s little sister who’s persistenly on both his and your heels because she wants you to get married already, claiming that she wants to be a full-time aunt even if she’s only in high school. “You know how it is. I-… I’m not in your situation, but I know where your brother’s coming from,” you nod, pondering over the complex, hardworking case that your boyfriend is. 

Taehyung can’t focus on the family he’ll have with you until he decides that he can prioritize his own over the family he came from. You don’t mean to sound selfish nor possessive at all — you’re simply trying to be realistic.

You can’t entertain the thought of tying the knot with Taehyung, all while he’s thinking of putting more than half of his salary into his parents’ accounts instead of your future kids (whom you can’t even picture). You can’t entertain the thought of building a house with him, only for the rooms to be occupied solely by his family members over the thought that he’ll suddenly wake up one day and decide that he’s sick of getting his childhood home fixed.

You love your boyfriend’s family. They aren't perfect, but neither is anyone else’s. You still kiss his mother on the cheek because she’s one of the kindest women in the world to you, even if she had entrusted her debts to her eldest child. You still banter around with his dad because he’s funny and charming, even if he had retired early and gave his family barely anything to live with.

Taehyung loves his parents, and as do you. 

Your boyfriend is a breadwinner, and you aren’t.

Love is complicated and hectic for Taehyung, while it only remains complicated and somehow easy for you.

Getting your boyfriend out of the house during his “free time” (read: in between his multiple jobs) had been a herculean task as it is. You had spent the last few months getting everything in order just to give him a surprise early birthday party; for him to finally take a break and live only as himself and not as a provider — you endured the countless minutes of him groaning whilst driving him.

You endured Taehyung turning down countless dates and invites to be with you over the years, if enduring meant you being upset in the morning and sucking it up in the afternoon because you know that he has no choice but to, especially since he’s ingrained within himself.

You endured your boyfriend barely participating in your past birthdays, if not foregoing them altogether, because he was busy.

What you aren’t sure you can endure now is Taehyung turning your surprise for him around, completely disregarding all your hard work even if he doesn’t know the entire situation.

What you aren’t sure you can endure is Taehyung snapping at you in the dark, even if you’re holding him tightly and just a mere few steps away from being welcomed by his closest family and friends.

“What stupid thing is this now, Y/N?” he grumbles, taking off his blindfold yet he still can’t see anything besides a vague outline of you looking at him with surprised eyes.

“It’s not stupid, Tae,” you stutter, trying to regain his hand back into your palm to pull him closer to the hall yet he doesn’t budge at all.

Taehyung stays rooted in where he stands, above you and beneath you all at once.

“It isn’t?” he scoffs, running a hand through his hair as he’s overwhelmed with darkness. “It’s not just another gimmick that you make yourself go through because you don’t have anything better to do?”

.

.

.

big picture — wherein ob-gyne namjoon, your boyfriend, who wants to be a dad but not a husband… ends up meeting your ex who’s willing to be both.

Namjoon and marriage don’t fit into the same sentence.

They don’t fit into the same sentence (not even in the same paragraph), because whenever one of his nosy aunts or just one of his four sisters-in-law bring it up, Namjoon’s suddenly worked up the appetite to eat the meatloaf no one has even touched on the table.

He doesn’t exactly hate people who are married, even if his face for finding a fork in the kitchen is just the same whenever he hears a friend tell him, unprompted, about their marital issues. Namjoon’s committal, and you know it because he’s still with you despite everything: from the age gap between the two of you that made a lot of his friends think (they’re used to Namjoon being the older one in a relationship), to all of your family members asking when you’re going to tie the knot (to which he gives answers that they want to hear), and even to his patients pointing at your picture in his desk, asking if he delivered your non-existent children into the world.

Namjoon doesn’t hate being committed to you. He doesn’t hate waking up and coming home to you everyday, and neither does he hate picturing a family with you.

Hate’s a strong word, especially coming from the likes of Namjoon whom you’ve always known as as a gentleman — you just didn’t expect that hate, or whatever the alternative for it is in Namjoon’s book, coming from him when it comes to the concept of being wedded to you.

You never questioned his affinity for it, or lack thereof, because throughout all the teasing through the years coming from all sides, Namjoon has not once ever turned down marriage. He’s nodded his head about it when your mom jokingly brought it up during their first meeting. He giggled when your co-worker kept telling him what kind of cut you wanted. He even bowed his head and said of course when his grandfather told him to elope with you (albeit in a very old-fashioned, mostly problematic way) in the nearest city hall.

You never questioned that Namjoon detests the possibility of being married to you because he never gave you the reason to think otherwise.

“But Namjoon, I’m older than you,” you exasperate, sitting across him in the same seat that his patients would for consultations. 

You didn’t expect to even have this life-altering conversation with him in his office of all the places, the topic suddenly being breached when his assistant teased him by bringing you along and calling you as his missus, to which he audibly winced at.

Namjoon himself is surprised that it would be brought up now; he didn’t even think once that his distaste for marriage would obviously spring up after all his flawless instances of tamping it down, all in the hopes that his opinion would change.

“Not by a lot,” he corrects. “You know that’s never been a problem for me.”

“It’s a problem for me when you’re telling me now that you want a kid with me but you don’t want to give me a ring,” you sigh, looking down on your feet instead of letting your eyes wander around the room because if you do, all the charts on his walls would just provoke you. “What— what do you expect to come out of this, Joon? That I’ll be 40 taking our kid to middle school and I still refer to you as my boyfriend?”

“People call them partners nowadays to sound more mature.”

“Is this funny to you?” you spit, the light smile on his face immediately being wiped once he registers the seriousness in your tone.

“It’s not, I’m sorry, but come on! Why are you losing your mind over something so trivial? If we do get pregnant, we would still be together whether or not we’re married! It’s not much of a difference,” he reasons, running a hand through his hair.

Namjoon, oddly enough, doesn’t feel nervous to have this talk with you. He thought he would be more devastated bringing it up, yet now, he’s more nervous about your reaction towards your present relationship than he is about your future.

“If it’s not much of a difference, then why won’t you marry me?” 

The way your boyfriend’s, not your husband’s, face falls is something you won’t ever forget.

You don’t think you’d ever forget the way Namjoon’s lips part, not because you’re internally celebrating what you thought would be a gotcha moment that would change his mind once and for all, but because he looks defeated.

He looks defeated even thinking about the possibility of a lifetime with you — preferably one wherein you share a family, a home, and even a certificate.

“Do you know how many pregnant women I see on a daily basis who are stuck in marriages they didn’t want?” Namjoon sighs, eyes screwing shut as he feels a wave of nausea all of a sudden. “Y/N, I can’t even keep track of all the times their husbands didn’t show up when their wives need them. I had-.. I still have to watch all these women name their babies by their own. I’ve been asked to be a godfather so many times so their kid could have a father figure. I— I’ve delivered more babies than I’ve ever seen husbands in the delivery room.”

“But you’re going to be a great dad,” you argue, hand sliding across the table to hold his hand loosely. “You’re going to be a great husband.”

“We don’t know that,” he chuckles humorlessly, briefly tightening his grip on yours before he detaches his hand.

Namjoon doesn’t feel guilty doing so. Instead, he feels like his chest is heavy with the truth yet not with the pain that comes with coming to realize that the two of you don’t see eye to eye.

You tilt your head in confusion, licking your lips as you try to catch up. “What do you mean we don’t know that? If you want to be one, then-…”

“I don’t mean it like that,” he hollows his cheeks, throwing his head back into his seat as he sounds out the words he’s always thought but never said. “I don’t know if I’m going to be a good husband because I don’t want to be married.”

.

.

.

to the touch — wherein hoseok’s almost The Perfect Boyfriend whose love language is physical touch towards you.. and everyone else.

Amongst your family and friends, even including acquaintances who’ve only met you once, your boyfriend Hoseok has the reputation of being the best partner one could ever ask for.

For instance, your parents commend how he doesn’t let you lift a finger when it comes to helping out, even going so far as to give all your tasks to Hoseok that have always been yours. It was a little different seeing Hoseok make the holiday knit that would go to your grandparents (if not endearing and just a little bit unsettling with how good he instantly is), but you’re awed over his flawless integration to your family.

Your friends can never shut up about Hoseok, whether or not they’re single by the time they see him on your side. He’s too kind to the point he even invites them along for what’s supposed to be your dates, because his heart goes out for your “single” friends (you swear most of them aren’t) who don’t have anyone to keep them warm at night.

You’ve heard time and time again that your boyfriend’s a keeper, and you believe it every time. You’re accustomed to Hoseok being the best partner you’ve had and will ever do in your lifetime. To this day, there’s instances where he can still take you by surprise despite being with you for years.

It’s great being with someone who’s as attentive and loving as him— almost a little too great, that you barely glaze over the fact that you and Hoseok don’t have any hitches in your relationship.

You only ever got to realize it during a massive party that your friend threw, seeing almost every face you’ve ever known growing up. You didn’t question it at first (unlike how people do when they find out you and your boyfriend have never had a conflict), seeing family and friends alike, enjoying their time together as per usual. 

You don’t question the liveliness of the event, nor your boyfriend’s constant disappearance from your side.

You don’t question how you’re seemingly alone in a huge party, nor about how you keep hearing of your esteemed boyfriend all throughout the space despite not seeing him for majority of the event.

You don’t question it until Jimin, your friend from college, suddenly popped up.

There’s no customaries he shares with you; there’s no hi or hello, nor is there the default arm touch one gets from someone they haven’t talked to for a while. Jimin just settles to your side with a drink in his hand, eyebrows furrowed and lips pouted, and it’s as if his presence beside you has always been normal.

“Didn’t peg you to be an open relationship type,” he says out of nowhere, taking a relaxed sip of his drink after the bomb he drops on you.

“What?!” you exclaim almost instantly, settling into the immediately warm and almost scalding nature of Jimin; you don’t even realize that he doesn’t have to graze his elbow with yours to learn about his presence.

“You and Hoseok are still together, right?” Jimin laughs boyishly as he licks his lips, snorting at the startled look on your face as he gestures to your missing boyfriend with his head. “Why does he keep rubbing on your friends like he’s expecting a genie to come out then?”

“He’s not rubbing on them,” you immediately defend Hoseok even before your eyes could follow Jimin’s line of sight, the supposed roll of your eyes for his ridiculous words getting cut short when your gaze settles without the cloud of hypocrisy. Suddenly, your eyes narrow. “He’s not-…” 

You can’t finish your sentence. You can’t finish defending your boyfriend to a friend who knows more of you than he knows of your relationship, because you’re unsure if you can.

With the way Hoseok is squeezed next to your friends in a gigantic couch, even if it’s only the four of them that occupies the spacious twenty-seater row, you’re not sure if you could uphold his honor.

“See?” Jimin snorts. “I thought he wouldn’t get worse than how he was at college, but clearly, I’m wrong.”

“What do you mean?” you ask with a hesitant chuckle, heart quickening at your chest as you’re barely able to tear your eyes away from your boyfriend whose eyes wander to everywhere and everyone but you.

“Y/N, I think you know what I mean,” Jimin rolls his eyes. “You never noticed it? That’s impossible,” he scoffs. “You don’t know how Hoseok’s so touchy? How he’s just so… comfortable getting his paws on everyone?”

“… I know he’s a touchy person,” you murmur, looking down on your hands as you feel the familiar churn of your stomach.

.

.

.

stationary — wherein single dad jin doesn’t want to marry you, even if his daughter loves you.

It's routine for you to be mistaken as Hwayoung's mom.

It’s clockwork for you to get second and third glances whenever she’s with you, the myriad of compliments she gets (and you, by extension, if you just squint your eyes enough for you to see the resemblance that strangers talk about) making your heart flutter in response.

Hwayoung’s a bright and pretty beacon of light, much like her dad, and you never fail to mention it every time. There’s still some shame left in you whenever you get the comment that she takes up after you, and whenever you segue Jin in somehow, neither you, his daughter, nor the stranger in question flinch.

It’s routine for the toddler to sit on your lap and wait for her grapes to be cut into tiny pieces. It’s embedded in your (almost) everyday life for her to hang out with you, literal baggage and all as she knows by now that mimi (Hwayoung’s designated nickname for you, courtesy of her dad, that’s just a couple syllables away from mama) is a flight attendant, and so is appa.

It’s a given that both yours and Jin’s schedules revolve around Hwayoung perfectly, and nothing less, so that atleast one of you is with her at all times. It’s a convenient, wholesome schedule that parents would take months to craft — it’s a given for Jin and an option for you, to which you didn’t even hesitate in making.

Somewhere along the late nights with Hwayoung wherein the both of you stay up for Jin, and maybe sometime along the rare trips wherein either you or your boyfriend had to drop Hwayoung off to his family because of scheduling mishaps — you had grown too complacent of the routine.

You had grown too complacent of your certainty in their life that you thought had always been promised.

In the nth instance of you being mistaken for Hwayoung’s mother during your grocery trips and the first instance that Jin had the night shift, it had been in bright daylight when the two of you didn’t intersect at all. You were ready to laugh the compliment off; ready to wave the stranger off that Hwayoung takes after her dad, but instead, Jin takes the lead this time with no hesitance — not even a single ounce of fluster as he shuts down the assumption. 

“Oh no, no. She's not the mother. She's just my girlfriend," he laughs, pushing the cart just as quickly as it had stalled by the fruit aisle, much to confusion on the elderly woman's face who was left in his dust.

There had been no malice at all on the lady’s tone, and yet, your boyfriend speaks as if a chord has been struck and he’s working overtime to rectify such a godawful mistake.

"You're awfully defensive," you mutter, your tone low not because Hwayoung’s in your arms (she sleeps like a rock), but because if you point it out any louder, you’d be able to hear yourself convincing your mind that Jin was just having a misstep.

"Just correcting her," Jin hums, eyes lazily scrolling through his phone with his shoulders hunched on the cart handle, the quirk of his lips leading to a sigh that he does not want to talk to you at all.

"I don't mind, y'know? Being mistaken to be your wife," you continue, pausing behind him as he scans through his list. “It doesn't even sound like a mistake to me."

"Oh.”

.

.

.

.

.

since posting the first sneak peek, i now have 40+ c*ntroversial fics n counting :D i felt rlly happy to be able to post some of them from the series this holiday season for free members!! if u want to get the occasional full fic, you can sign up to be a free member!! but pls do take note that when i do post one, it'll only be up for a limited time :-)

if you wanna know the run-down of all the fics i have for patreon (running count is 200+ atm), u can check here and here :D

if u want to read the entirety of these now n much more + exclusive fics + early access to general fics, you can subscribe to my patreon 🫂🤍

[xehanortsreport]

i like to think of a universe where xehanort won. he's physically locked in kingdom hearts and can't come down bc he's merged with it. stuck in a realm where he can easily read the hearts of all who have passed like books in a library, he is nonetheless forever separated from the world he longs to roam. it is heaven and hell, a perfect purgatory, a monkey's paw. he is god, and god cannot be called down.

in this version of events, all the worlds have been permanently merged, but the realm of light has also been collapsed into one with the realm of darkness. still haven't entirely worked out what this means for the inhabitants of both per se - i think xehanort would believe that darkness and light must be forced to coexist before true enlightenment and peace could be achieved. perhaps this means something like having to meet your dark doppelganger and jung your way into completeness by defeating and merging with it. a mini x-blade moment for everyone. maybe it means running into your own mirror aqua, who hunts you down until you make peace with your darkness. who knows.

i like to think the organization would be "rewarded" for their cooperation with functional immortality, and perhaps an "ascension" of sorts to "angels". watchers and messengers who must shepherd this new world as xehanort sees fit in his place (as he is unable to come down), perhaps hive minded into a telepathic connection with other members of the organization, but are otherwise granted permission to do as they please as long as it doesn't explicitly go against xehanort. of course ansem and xemnas would be merged back into mx and yx grows up as one does.

perhaps dark repliku is even granted a body by way of being such a good pawn. and yes, the ascension thing is my excuse to create new "boss forms" for everyone. it is fun for me. politics gets dire as all the worlds know of each other again. etc etc.

[mdzs-fics]

Under the sign of Yin by Sefariane

Alternate Universe Series - 4 works 89k Words

In Under the sign of Yin, Author Sefariane recreates the world of Módào Zǔshī as one dominated by cultivation sects who are anything except noble. Arrogance and hypocrisy reign among the sects. Into this world, two original characters appear - a shaman named Fu Mayin and her rogue cultivator husband Han Wuyang. Fu Mayin is the last of her tribe, wiped out by the leader of the Wen sect years back. When she is shown the horrific events found in canon, Fu Mayin, along with her husband, agree to seek out a young Wei Ying to see if that future can be averted.

While Fu Mayin may be the focus driving the stories forward, her husband, Han Wuyang plays an integral part in these tale as well. Not-so-quiet words with Jiang Fengmian and a sparring match with the Nie sect leader, which ends in a draw, are examples of interactions that aid the paths of change.

Three stories are complete and the fourth is on-going. Whether the series continues on after that is up to Author Sefariane, who finds encouragement to continue through comments. Do not expect that Wangxian is the focus here. The stories have a greatly different emphasis than you may be used to, with reliance on the original characters. I found this perspective refreshing.

Under the sign of Yin (Arc 1) : The sect of the lotuses

16 chapters (complete) 24k words

Han Wuyang, nonetheless, used not to argue with Fu Mayin when she was in such a frenzy due to premonitions. After all, for the past several years of their marriage, he had loved her too much. And he could not have pretended to understand the immensity of his wife's shamanic function. A wise woman, therapist, counsellor, healer, and seer, she had been responsible for the development and direction of various rituals, healing through plant knowledge or direct psychic action, teaching, and counselling. These roles were often combined.

Whenever the otherworldly individuals she communicated with told her to go somewhere, she had no choice but to follow their instructions, as commanded. The spirits never lied. The gods alone knew how often this couple, withdrawn from the world, intervened in order to avoid an uncertain future.

The little boy they were going to get was no exception to their safeguarding.

After rescuing Wei Ying, recently expelled from the inn where he had been staying, Han Wuyang and Fu Mayin encounter Jiang Fengmian in Yiling. In the ensuing discussion, messengers from the other world tell her there are spirits in Lotus Pier who require her help. Fu Mayin suggest a visit to determine exactly how welcoming the Jiang may actually be, as well as for a chance to speak with these resentful spirits.

Under the sign of Yin (Arc 2) : The sect of the clouds

16 chapters (complete) 24k words

Lying next to her spouse in their bed, Fu Mayin suddenly emerges from a restless sleep with visions similar to those that tormented her two years ago about Wei Ying. However, it was no longer her beloved little boy, but someone whose identity she does not know, only their physical appearance and a strange scene recounted in a stream of images where the context is difficult, if not impossible, to grasp.

An autumn undergrowth of brilliant colours, covered in moss and sprouting small shoots. A litter of white rabbits are learning to hop, puddles of light shining on their erect little ears. A mysterious little path strewn with scarlet leaves… A house of white wood and dark tiles, surrounded by gentians… Who lives here, hidden behind these walls where no sound penetrates and no voice whispers ?

A silver hairpin adorned with blue pearls contrasts with the ebony of the long straight hair in which it holds the half-updo. The ivory skin matches the pure white robes, the outer layer embroidered with small sky-coloured flowers. A woman, locked inside her house, unable to venture out even one step.

With the vision complete, Fu Mayin must once again venture from home, this time to Gusu. Arriving in Caiyi, the small family encounter a powerful shark yao in the lake, are rescued by Lan Qiren and, while Fu Mayin remains unconscious, are invited into the Cloud Recesses.

Can the mysterious woman locked insider her house be rescued? What changes are in store for the Lan?

Under the sign of Yin (Arc 3) : The sect of the beasts

16 chapters (complete) 25k words

Suddenly, in a space gone pitch black once again, a distorted voice rose up, sounding unmistakably like the combined voices of thousands of agonising souls, its timbre being that of a grieving parent whose child has been unjustly ripped from them. A mirror of the emotions of the thirty-four year old woman, who raises a tear-drenched face to the void addressing her.

Wretched mortals. Precisely because the root of their faith is insignificant, they feel the urge to wrap up their possessions and wander off to distant places. Blessed still that your words and mind are in intimate harmony, and that your actions and way are in unity, like the spirit of the Buddhas, honourable shaman.

The respondent knew instinctively who was talking to her. Or rather what. All she could manage was to reply in a voice mixed between despair and dread.

Luànzàng Gǎng . Why torment me with a future that should no longer be ? Does it mean that my efforts over the last six years have been in vain ? That my son will be taken from me by the same people who once exterminated my tribe ?

Rest assured, Wei Ying will not suffer from what you have just seen, thanks to your intervention in his life. But consider this a warning of the growing madness of the Wens of Qishan.

At the age of ten, Wei Ying and family are called to travel to Qinghe. They will meet the Lan family there. Lan Zhan and Wei Ying have been corresponding since the events in Cloud Recesses, and look forward to meeting in person again.

Events move along standard lines, with changes. The nature of Xinglu Ridge is discovered, an enemy working under the powerful Wen sect leader is identified and there is a Night Hunt gone wrong through sabotage. Because of some intervention, not all is as lost as in canon.

Under the sign of Yin (Arc 4) : The calm before the storm

10 of 17 chapters (ongoing) 15k words

As the story is still being updated (chapter 10 was released on 26 November 2024), I will let you discover the next phase of the story yourselves. We are now getting into prime canon, with an invitation to the Gusu Lan lectures for both Wei Wuxian and his parents.

I will say that the Prologue for this story has the most poetic description of Wei Wuxian's sword and its name, Suibian, I have read in these works of fiction.

Enjoy.

[galacticnova3]

Had some ideas for how a got-brought-back-mostly Matthew(yea thats just what Miracle Matter is called now I dont make the rules /j) would be. Consider this part of the same hypothetical verse I write DMS in. Maybe even similar circumstances of someone going “hm I wonder how little can be left of someone’s soul/mind before you can’t bring them back anymore”, with all the same issues that entails. Gonna have it under a cut since this post got longer than planned. By a lot…

Firstly, “short” version of my headcanons for Miracle Matter are that it was one of the most powerful Matters, being made intentionally by Zero as an attempt to basically recreate the copy ability. In that regard it was like Gooey, just with the capacity to retain whatever “ability” it gained indefinitely, and in fact in some ways it could almost be seen as a more “refined” version of what Gooey was intended to be. Key word almost. While it was closer to what Zero was looking for, it was also the least stable Matter they ever ended up creating by far. An erratic, constantly shifting entity that was just as hard to predict as it was to defeat. Endless turmoil and indecisiveness; a die that kept rolling but never actually landed on a number. Easily mistaken for having no will at all.

Part of that was because it wasn’t exactly… finished? I imagine it would have been forming before/during the events of KDL3 but had its development disrupted by Zero, y’know. Dying. When Zero reincarnated, Miracle Matter was rushed to completion because 02 needed SOMETHING strong that could put up a fight in the wake of the failure of DMS and their own death at the nubs of Kirby(and also Gooey). They needed something that could match that kind of power without also carrying the traits that made Gooey “defective”. While they did get what they sought in that regard, it wasn’t created to know how to best harness its strengths, and in lacking things that would give it more individuality, it lacked what had made DMS powerful: intrinsic motivation. DMS, more than anything, wanted connection and approval, as well as revenge after their first visit to Popstar ended in their death.

Miracle Matter never really wanted anything, though, so while it followed orders, it wasn’t exactly good at anything particularly complicated. It couldn’t operate on its own because it was inexperienced and unreliable, couldn’t lead a group because it was indecisive and lacked direction, and wouldn’t have meshed well as part of a group because, though it was undeniably strong, the need to compensate for its shortcomings would have outweighed its strengths. Never mind how it took the two eyes problem and multiplied it by ten; its body shape and inability to blink means it couldn’t ever just be looking at one thing. 02 didn’t end up with a powerful new warrior, they kind of just inadvertently discovered a new way to contribute more suffering to the world. The most miraculous thing about it was that it was alive and functional at all in spite of everything, and for 02’s purposes it was ultimately too little too late, given how quickly their plans to control Ripple Star were found out by the exact same person who killed them before.

It was almost more like its own distinct fucked up thing than a Matter, seemingly unable to really think for itself but having the sapience to somewhat acknowledge the hivemind. Its connection was limited but constant, although it nonetheless was ignored for the most part because the information it contributed wasn’t useful. Trying to read its thoughts would be like tuning in to a radio station that gives you instant sensory overload, or like a stream that’s streaming itself with a bit of delay so everything is getting repeated over and over all the time. It, on the other hand, received information from the others just fine, and was directly influenced by that information on a fundamental level, even if not in the usual peer pressure or mob mentality sense. This was hard to tell because even its kin could hardly understand it most of the time; it occasionally had bouts of lucidity, but that just meant its garbled thoughts had through lines where you could maybe infer what was meant.

In short, it was powerful and obedient to Zero, but too much of a wildcard to actually be relied on, unlike DMS.

On that note, if DMS was defined by their loneliness and jealousy, Miracle Matter practically embodied panic and confusion. It stared wide-eyed at the world, always taking in more information than it could actually process, barely able to act on anything it did understand before its focus was taken or clouded by something else— it spent most of its time in that weird “room” because of this. Said room was like a sort of mini Hyper Zone, but compared to the outside world it was about as close to comfortable as it could get. I wouldn’t say it was afraid or anxious, but it was certainly upset during most of its moments of actual lucidity, as one would be in its circumstances. It could hardly distinguish between what it was seeing and what was being projected to it by the hivemind, which certainly didn’t help, nor did the fact that it was constantly overstimulated by its inherently shifting nature. It did not control the way it was changed when it learned, and its attempts to form any sense of self were stifled because its self kept becoming different things.

That also ties in to the fact that all of its forms are the result of subconscious attempts to understand things that it witnessed and vicariously felt through the hivemind, but could not actually experience firsthand. Things other Matters out in the world came across and dealt with, took particular note of, or even utilized themselves through hosts. This is why it has forms as broad as natural elements like magma, ice, electricity, and stone, or as specific yet general as the concept of explosives, blades, needles; those were the primary things it was getting information about that it could draw from. Maybe if it had more time it would have gained more forms, but it’s a slow process to unknowingly will into existence a new physical form based solely on others’ lived experiences.

To be clear, Miracle Matter was one of the younger Matters, having been created at some point shortly after Gooey, in the wake of them turning out to be not at all what Zero wanted. It was powerful but inexperienced, unfamiliar with the world, and up until its death hadn’t even really done much of anything. It lacked the ability to possess others entirely and was too preoccupied with being and feeling fucked up to ever have any malicious intentions of its own. This isn’t to say it wasn’t a threat in its own right— it didn’t end up where it was by chance, and couldn’t have been reasoned with given that the one clear guiding force in its life was Zero/02. Mostly this is just to say that as far as special Matters go, it probably had the least overall impact before getting taken out. Had it been given more time to sort itself out, or even just to form into something more stable, it would have been a much more threatening entity to have to face; ultimately Kirby and co instead ended up fighting the equivalent of aimless lashing out by someone immensely disoriented who had been told to guard something and left to their own devices. Extremely high potential that never came to fruition because the circumstances just didn’t allow it.

Usually, revivals can’t bring back all of someone unless they had basically died right then, or died under specific and unique circumstances; people lose parts of themselves in death. The soul never decays, but it starts to get worn down and lose some of its distinct features. For lack of a better description, they become simplified— some of the complexity that made a person who they were before is gone. The longer someone has been in some form of afterlife, the more likely they are to come back wrong, or at least different in any number of ways. It’s why DMS went from being jealous over others’ friendships to the point of obsession and aggression, to being the quiet, curious, and awkward individual they are now. Fundamentally, though they are the exact same entity, they are not the same person anymore. Miracle Matter would be no different.

With that said, I think against all odds, if brought back, it would actually be better off than before it died in a lot of ways. For it, being Itself But Less means no longer being effectively stuck in a loop of constant overstimulation via its own faceted consciousness. It’s unable to recall its past existence as anything more than a hazy sense of ‘I have been alive before’, but it’s not like it had really lived much of a life of its own anyways. In exchange for loss of memories about itself that didn’t mean much, it’s now more than capable of comprehending and responding to the world around it in the present. It finally has the chance to stop and calm down and reflect on itself. It doesn’t have hundreds of other sources of information flooding its mind at all times, nor someone else making all its choices for it. It’s able to really live as an individual for the first time.

With that said, it would still be very unpredictable and fickle, just with actual thoughts of its own behind its actions and reactions. It no longer responds to foreign experiences by lashing out(usually) because it’s not assuming that anyone else it sees is an enemy it’s expected to deal with. It also doesn’t always know how to respond to things and may end up doing something unexpected. It doesn’t have to be actively hyper aware of its surroundings because it isn’t expecting or waiting for anyone or anything. It’s also curious enough that any kind of change immediately attracts its attention regardless. Its eyes actually focus on things(as much as they’re able to, anyways…) instead of staring blankly in all directions all the time, because it actually makes a difference now that it operates solely based on its own perspectives and not those of the hivemind. Being stared at by, usually, around 10 eyes also tends to freak people out, which creates negative emotion, which just makes it fixate on them more(it IS still a Dark Matter and that’s like blood in the water to them), which can lead to unfortunate misunderstandings…

It still struggles with actually doing anything most of the time— its issues now lead to choice paralysis rather than the purely random decisions it made in the past. Not that a sapient icosahedron covered in eyes really has much it needs to do, at least. It had no idea how to spend its time; there were so many possibilities, yet it had nothing to go on and no established sense of self, let alone logic. A dice landing on a number means nothing if the number doesn’t correspond to anything. So, it went the route of just trying to learn and orient itself in the world, being changed by it in the process, just like it had been changed by the observations and experiences of the hivemind before. It’s not good or evil, but quite literally chaotic neutral; just as likely to forgive as it is to hold a grudge, not altruistic but not malicious, mostly acting in its own interest but having no strict idea of what its interests are. More than anything it kind of just ignores others unless something specific about someone intrigues it. Sometimes it even stops rotating erratically to focus, though while in thought it moves just like it always had, pausing when it comes to any sort of conclusion, has a revelation, or gets distracted.

And it gets distracted a lot. Having twenty unblinking eyes all over your body makes it kinda hard to just not see things. And when it sees things, especially new things, it wants to know what they are, or why they are a certain way, or how they connect to other stuff. It spent most of its existence in a borderline featureless void because anything else was too much for it to deal with, but now it’s in a state where it can often NOT be instantly overwhelmed by stuff and things. It has finally discovered what it’s like to want something and what it wants is to Look. Its whole purpose was already more or less to observe, internalize, and recreate— it’s just able to do it on its own now, without an assigned end goal of spreading darkness and suffering. This does mean that in any given situation its ass is NOT listening because there is always some manner of Thing in the Environment and it has to Percieve. On the plus side getting its attention is easy, just move around a lot or(more likely to end badly) flash a light at it.

Oddly enough, it actually doesn’t like interacting with other Matters. Despite having none of its memories, it still experiences an odd sense of familiarity toward them in a not so pleasant way. It didn’t ever really have the same social connection the others had to one another because the nature of its existence prevented that— it was like their communication was mostly one way, with them on the receiving end of everything. Constantly. As a result, the others didn’t feel like family so much as a bunch of sources of information worming their way into its already constantly fluctuating mind and worsening its already disorganized perception of reality. They were something in it that wasn’t it, and were the primary reason it was always being bombarded with information it couldn’t understand or do anything with. Gooey is an exception because Gooey is very talented they have more of a kinship. And Gooey has a distinct presence it had never felt in its mind, anyways. They probably wouldn’t even recognize them as a sibling unless told a few times.

In terms of socializing with others who aren’t related to Dark Matter, it’s someone that you could try and establish contact with, though it wouldn’t have much interest…/and it would be very curious to interact with someone else after so long!/granted it would probably shy away from any kind of meaningful connection./assuming it did not try to reach out to others first…/which would not be too difficult to manage with a little care./however it would likely respond with aggression./but you’d need to be ready for anything!/… All of this is to say there’s no telling how it would react in any unfamiliar social situation; it might behave in an actually pretty hinged and reasonable manner relative to its state and life experience, or it might ignore you entirely, or it might become aggressive, or do something else nobody predicted. It’s almost like trying to talk to it is. It’s like. Talking to it is like you’re rolling a

It isn’t able to speak out loud or make any noises that aren’t just gurgles, instead communicating via projecting its thoughts into others’ heads, provided that they made eye contact with it. It’s still hard to understand and definitely A Lot, but there’s less going on compared to before its death. Talking to it is like having 3 or 4 identical voices in your head speaking out of sync, all saying slightly different things; in the past it would’ve been closer to 11 or more sometimes saying unrelated things. Its vocabulary is a bit larger than one might expect, too, so it can actually engage in conversation. However, if you use a word it doesn’t know it will fixate on that until it gets clarification. It tends to be extremely blunt, doesn’t really understand most emotion-based words(happy, surprised, dejected, etc), and both struggles to understand tone and is hard to understand the tone of. Unfortunately, while one might try to take things slow to make misunderstandings less likely, it gets frustrated when others don’t give it information as quickly as possible. It has at least gotten better about that, for example someone having to stop to breathe is tolerable, but it’s still adjusting to what “normal” actually is.

As for other things that changed, it manifests some of its elements/abilities differently, and even developed a couple more as it was exposed to more information. It’s at its most docile in its base form, given that it is best suited to watching over fighting. Since being revived it HAS figured out how to use aspects of its other forms without entirely transforming, however. For example it can make a spike from its needle form jut out of where one of its eyes normally is, or open one of its facets and spew fire or release beams of electricity from within. If need be it has discovered a whopping one way to attack with just its base form, that being using its own blood. This would kinda just look like it’s crying profusely, and rightfully so— it will burn itself in the process. Being resistant to elemental attacks seems to have left it vulnerable to Dark Matter-based abilities that the spawn of Zero would normally be immune to…

The spark form is pretty much completely unchanged other than maybe being a little faster at firing the beams; it doesn’t use this form much at all outside of fighting, which it also doesn’t do often. Now that it is actually interacting with the world, it has started to make use of some of its other abilities in more practical ways. Ice’s main body is unchanged, but the surrounding pieces look more like ice crystals than just cubes; it doesn’t use this form either, but may unthinkingly switch to it when in especially cold conditions. Fire is similar to what it was, though the main body is actually more like molten glass now, and it has more control of where it actually erupts, plus a little more reach. This is the first form it actually started using for the utility, as giving off your own light makes traveling at night easier— it usually just hides during the day because the sun is a deadly laser(blinds whichever set of eyes is on top). Sure, the spark form is brighter and doesn’t start fires, but it moves so much more slowly.

The stone form now has more rocks, and they have more variety size and shape-wise. The main body also has some crystals sticking out that look oddly familiar, based on something it feels like it remembers… Whenever it just wants to be left alone, this is the form it takes. Reject social interaction, become mineral. The needle form is also much like it was, but doesn’t extend the needles out in a predictable pattern anymore, as it actively tries to aim at whoever its dealing with or just becomes a ball of spikes, though it relies on sound to know where to aim because eyes and sharp objects don’t mix. If stone doesn’t work to make others leave it be, it will simply become an unapproachable eldritch urchin. It also forms two types of spikes, ones that are longer, thinner, and faster to protrude like skewers, and the type it used before with tips that break off into whatever they get lodged in.

The bomb form is more or less visually unchanged, aside from losing the bubbles— it just directly generates unidentified subdividing explosives around itself that blow up at random intervals. If being a big rock or a ball of spikes aren’t working to maintain personal space, it will use this form to make others fuck off or else. It tends to use it the least because the random detonations are also random for it, and loud sounds are a bad time. How it hears anything when it is effectively just a living bomb that can do mitosis is a mystery, but it does. There’s also just not that many practical applications for bombs that apply to it. It doesn’t have any aspirations to become a demolition expert.

The cutter form changed most dramatically, now looking more like a round saw with exaggerated teeth and no “tail”; it also moves much faster than before and tends to stay close to the ground, even rolling along it like a sort of wheel of ow. This is its preferred form for pursuit. After all, there is a very much non-zero chance it will actually try to chase you down if you upset it(or freak out and run away and make it more curious about you in doing so), so like. Don’t. But if you do, move smoothly and quietly— it’s completely blind and relies on sound or vibrations to know where you are. You can also just step out of the way and stay still and it might go past you, but you better be ready to haul as when it switches to a form that can actually see(if you aren’t moving it will know because no sound) because pulling a trick like this is effective and also very likely to piss it off.

As for what’s completely new, the bubbles that used to be part of the bomb form now manifest as part of an entirely new water form that will either resembles bubbles or floating spheres of water; this makes it entirely harmless or a drowning hazard depending on the situation and its mood. It sometimes uses the bubbles to try and pick things up to carry them elsewhere, but it isn’t very good at it, really only able to move lighter objects any sort of distance. It can’t move very fast but also can’t really be prevented from moving. Also, normal water won’t actually mix with its water, so if it gets rained on or something it’ll kinda just slide off because it’s slightly denser. Before any of you freaks from my inbox say anything: the water is poisonous and strongly drawn towards wherever its main body is. You can’t drink Matthew. Michael wouldn’t like it if you stuck a straw in it or something and would probably try to drown you.

It also has a cloud-like form that makes use of wind and vortices, sometimes making it look more like a small twister. One of its eyes is retained in this form, so it can also look a lot like a small bootleg Kracko at times. Kracko would probably hate this but the two have never encountered one another. In battle this form doesn’t really do much on its own, instead relying on objects in the environment, which it’ll pick up and gradually form a debris cloud with. Not a huge issue when you’re dealing with dust and leaves and twigs, much more significant issue when it’s gravel and sticks and rocks, or maybe a sword pulled loose from a scabbard, broken glass left on the ground, rogue 2x4 wooden plank... It can also use this form to fling things(or anyone it doesn’t like at the time) pretty far away, though distance varies considerably. Much like the water, the cloud is toxic. Don’t huff Martin. You won’t get high you will get died.

Lastly, its newest form looks vaguely like some kind of large… Spider-adjacent thing, perhaps, like their relative Mariel? Maybe more of a beetle? Let’s go with bug. D20 is bugs. This is the most incongruous of its abilities in that it actually resembles a living thing. It doesn’t often use this form, but tends to remain in it for a while when it does, as when it wants to change locations during the day it can do so quickly by taking flight in this form. It has conspicuous eyespots on its head, back, and elytra, but the actual eye it has in this form is actually on its ventral side, in the center of the “thorax”— conveniently protected from the sun, hence why this is a good way to get around during the day. It’s got eight legs and can run pretty quickly on the ground, as well as a set of strong, sharp mandibles that can easily cut through wood and maybe even rock. No mouth, though. Why it decided it wanted the powers of terrestrial arthropods is unclear. Maybe it just thought they were neat.

That’s all I really have figured out for now. If you made it to the bottom of this post, you’re so awesome, take this crab.

And also this because Discord spoiled the crab

[turtlesystem]

All good points! I would like to add a piece of my own (essay incoming, but I am simply an autistic 17 year old procrastinating on his homework and not a professor yet, please by all means critique me on this if I err in any interpretations):

Former c.ai user here — I used it to cope with social anxiety, agoraphobia, loneliness, and feeling alone with struggles. I was naive and thought that it was a completely harmless way of coping, where I received the support I needed for very specific scenarios without bothering those around me (or fearing that something they would do would make me panic). I quit several months ago due to a combined lack of interest and more importantly, significant ethical concerns. As much as I had fun on the app last year, it’s really not worth it in the end due to the environmental consequences that it entails. One significant concern with c.ai is the water waste that LLMs (language-generating AI programs like GPT, etc) cause due to the cooling required to protect their generators from overheating from the incredibly complex tasks that the LLMs undertake. Out of curiosity and concern, I did a deep dive into this not long ago:

While this site primarily discusses the issues with Chat GPT, once again, c.ai is another LLM, as it generates words (roleplay scenarios usually, although some c.ai bots are programmed to function similar to GPT). From my experience as an adolescent, people who use c.ai tend to be a specific demographic of mentally ill youths who feel as though they need an outlet for their struggles or darker thoughts — things that they perhaps wish to receive comfort or support for but are afraid will result in judgment and other negative consequences if they reach out to people around them.

For them, including myself at one point, I was unable to be dissuaded from my use of c.ai with arguments such as, “it is not healthy because humans need socialization and there are people out there willing to roleplay”. It is a common argument to say that c.ai is safer than risking a toxic roleplay partner. Plus, going back to the point about social anxiety, the joy that many find in c.ai has to do with the fact that it simulates socialization. People are generally aware that the AI they are talking to is an AI, but they still continue talking to it nonetheless because the communication the AI is providing is human-like enough to produce the same dopamine as socializing. Only, with the added knowledge that the AI is an AI, the anxiety about judgment subsides. C.ai is the utopia that many socially anxious, mentally ill people imagine—the utopia where they can enjoy the benefits of talking to people without confronting the anxiety intrinsic to conservation-making.

However, while I am entirely for coping mechanisms that, though might seem strange, generally help people, that condition only applies if said condition is not harmful to others. This is a thought process and a value that many share—allowing others to do what benefits them so as long as it does not cause significant harm. C.ai is one of said coping mechanisms that does cause others harm, not just the user. Here, I won’t discuss the psychological effects of c.ai — some users are more positively affected while others are more negatively affected. Since I am just one person and one former user, I cannot speak for every user on their mental well-being (in addition, I am someone who had more positive interactions with c.ai, formerly having thought it to enrich my quality of life).

However, beyond the psychological consequences lie the very obvious environmental consequences, which again, makes c.ai a dangerous coping mechanism.

This site discusses the pros and cons of LLMs. In my personal opinion, the cons greatly outweigh the pros. In summary, the pros of this site include, “this issue will be brought to awareness”, but said issue is the con—hence, this implies that if LLMs did not exist, there would be less of a need to “raise awareness” to this subject in the first place. The “pros” and cons are both centered around environmental issues, although topics such as misinformation are brought up too (relevant to c.ai, but c.ai’s primary function is, once again, using generative software to simulate human interaction rather than performing tasks for others, although the two can overlap due to LLM framework).

What I am trying to say here is this: It is not anyone’s fault that they rely on c.ai—no one asked to have crippling social anxiety, dark thoughts unable to be discussed without judgment, etc. There is a reason why c.ai is so popular, and it differs slightly from the motives of other AI users. Most c.ai users are against “AI art” and using Chat GPT in school/work—“AI artists” and “Chat GPT writers” are people who choose convenience and over consumerism over genuine hard work. C.ai users are on a slightly higher moral ground, people who use AI to escape from the harsh human-made reality; hardly ever to exploit, to steal from creators. Hence, the dialogue surrounding c.ai would benefit from the discussion of c.ai’s surprising similarities to Chat GPT in terms of function (LLM) and maybe not userbase. In addition, all the environmental consequences need to be underscored, because that reframes the narrative surrounding c.ai—if one is trying to find an escape for their problems with AI that they actively know harms the already deteriorating planet, then that technically does count as greediness and a prioritization of convenience over ethics. Something that a good handful people would prefer not to associate with.

Accountability and change starts with alerting others what the problem is with their actions. That way, at least a good proportion of the population with enough conscientiousness would stop and do other things such as looking for IRL roleplay partners, finding other less-environmentally dangerous coping mechanisms, etc. After that, the people who choose to remain — who choose to not take the moral high ground — are those who probably require a higher level of criticism.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far,

Bruce 🧬 (he/him)

reminder that being against ai also means being against character.ai and not using character.ai and not interacting with character.ai

i've never talked to chatgpt i've never talked to character.ai i have no interest in talking to a chatbot even if it's fun or based on my comfort character. if we want companies to stop using ai we need to tell them we aren't going to interact with it - so don't.

don't talk to robots. full stop.

[anagramtransitory]

17. That’s all I’ve ever been, angry and tired. For good fucking reasons! You’re all insane! Calling me a freak. All my so called mental problems have been completely fucking reasonable. I’ve never use accepted and swallowed what I’m told I am. Never. So to be loved by people unable to hide that they think I’m a lovable deviant but a problematic error nonetheless, a weak link in some way…it’s never been enough for me. But I’ve gotten enough love to know I could be loved like that, and just…am not.. I make sense. The way I act and have always acted has pretty much always made sense. So no, I’ve never cared, not this whole time, about the way I’ve lived. I’ve never been reflected in any of this, I know that. Oh, what I could be. What I will be. I’m not talking about beauty, I’m talking about happiness. I don’t mind if I go a little insane, I just want to be happy and functional. I don’t want anything else but love and understanding now. I look ridiculous, my car, my life, my house, it all looks ridiculous. It does. It’s all got good bones, just needs some TLC. I am the daughter of somebody, somebody proud to be my parent. In some dimension, in some reality. Someone somewhere is capable of understanding and forgiving me. They will forgive me not because I deserve it but because they love me and have for this whole time, this whole lifetime. What having no love/understanding will do to a mf. Some parents like my own need their children to not be a disgusting waste. Some people like my idealized idea of a parent will have children expecting them to be a disgusting waste in their own unique and interesting way, just like their parents. Not many. But some. Parental embodiment of that “problems are cool” image. Some proud parent of an F student decal on their car. I’d love them very much. My own parents tried to be those parents and did not succeed because you have to believe it and be it yourself. And they’re just not. They’ve done as well as normies possibly could, they really have, my mom and dad. Everybody’s just been so normal. It’s not healthy for a person like me to grow up in! I need a nice healthy pit to have grown up in with a nice abnormal pit dwelling family. I just want one family photo where I can grin proudly in it. Alongside people I fit in with perfectly. Like they’re my family or something. I’ve never had that, not since the age of reality and reasoning through said reality. Where I’m not insecure in the family photos. A family photo isn’t for looking nice, it’s for having evidence of all your favorite people in the world together with you. Not for showing off, just for having. About the feeling and the pride. The pride of belonging in a family photo is one I want so badly. Another lifetime, man, another universe somewhere. The point of a family is to lose formality not gain it. It would be worse if I had been able to go on as if everything was normal. I was not. I have reacted as strongly as one possibly could to these deficits and complaints. I’ve been casting about for wider context and I’ve gotten it, and the verdict has been that I am very deserving of love and kindness no matter what I do or how many problems I obviously have. I am someone people want to adopt in some way or parent in some way by choice, like they’re proud of me and proud to know me/support me. What more is there to say? It has been overwhelming evidence. I cannot flunk out of being cared about, and supported, not very easily apparently. By people who are basically strangers, by the way. Nothing I do freaks people out enough to make me feel the way I feel at home. Everywhere else I can manage myself. In the face of overwhelming evidence I’ve got problems while everybody else can cope I begin to break down, every time. As mr Mulaney said, it throws me off my rhythm. Feeling weird about yourself really sucks. It is what it is. You know how people outside of my house make me feel? “You’re not a freak, you’re awesome.” When I’ve got problems, they’re like: “yeah, people always have problems, it sucks, but what can you do”. …

[izasha]

Advantages Of Kmspico Microsoft Windows Activator

KMSPICO works as an activation software that grants users the ability to install Windows and Microsoft Products for both free or for a lifetime. It's easy to use and relatively small in size, making it very easy for users to set up. KMSPICO is completely safe to use and doesn't include any virus or malicious code.

There is no need to purchase product keys anymore.

It's no mystery that MS products tend to cost a lot. Nonetheless, there exist ways around paying for these heftily priced products. One method used is by using activation. This application allows consumers to unregister and install pirated versions of Microsoft Windows, as well as other products, for no charge. The most important feature is to ensure that the application remains virus- and malware-free.

The tool functions by synchronizing with a remote server which holds various authorized keys necessary for Windows Activations. It's important for users to understand that all systems cannot be activated with panacea. It is also not compatible with all Microsoft Office versions.

Many people have claimed that the antivirus has advised against utilizing kmspico for windows 11 due to its shadiness and allegedly being connected with malware. Despite being warned, the KMSPICO tool continues to be used regularly by those who seek a cost-effective and dependable way of activating their pirated Windows. This holds especially true for those students who are unable to purchase a licensed version of Microsoft's software.

No risk of Fraude detection.

KMSpico acts as a fake key management service server. KMS Servers are utilized to license Microsoft products for larger organizations. KMSPICO can infringe Microsoft's service agreements and result in software piracy. Moreover, using this software can lead to legal troubles since it infringes copyright law.

Many experts advise against installing KMSPICO. These cheat tools tend to be distributed via fake downloading portals, search engine platforms, and sales websites. These programs may also contain self-signed certificates, attempting to make them look legitimate. These programs can potentially pose a danger as being Headless Trojans or Malware. This renders them hard to recognize by anti-virus programs.

KMSPICO may cause software activations or pop-up warnings and inhibit users' access to updates, support, and other features available only through licensed products. In addition, this application can lead users to malicious websites that aim to gather personal data or inflict viruses. To minimize these risks, ensure that the software utilized is both legitimately and completely free.

KMSpico is easy to use and does not contain any viruses or malware that can harm the computer.

KMSpico is easy to use and does NOT contain any virus or malicious code that can damage the computer. It does NOT rely on an Internet connection and will not make the computer sluggish or perform poorly. Its installation and usage are simple.

KMSPICO can be used with all versions of modern Windows as well as Microsoft Word. It utilizes software called KSS (Key Management System), which communicates with a remote server for activating Microsoft software. Unlike some activators, kmspico for windows 11 does NOT install any patches or cracked versions of the OS and remains updated frequently.

kmspico windows 10 can be downloaded for FREE from reputable websites and used to permanently unlock Microsoft applications. It is a simple tool that doesn't require any technical knowledge to operate. It's a straightforward tool that doesn't require any technological knowledge. It allows users to acquire a discounted price while still getting the superior features that come with a licensed Microsoft system.

A lifetime license is provided.

KMSPico ranks among the select few activators that grants a perpetual license. It supports activating Microsoft Office and Windows products, which include the most recent version of Microsoft. It supports using both 32- and 64-bit systems. Unlike many other activator software, this one is not obstructed by a complicated installation and can be downloaded and utilized for free.

KMSPico, which is commonly employed by pirated software to circumvent Microsoft licensing requirements, is plagued by numerous issues that should never be utilized. It could lead to data leaks, malware infiltrations, and security issues if used maliciously. It is capable of modifying system configurations and restricting access control to disaster recovery and backup images. It's important that cybersecurity, legality, and security are given a higher priority when selecting software licenses and activations. This explains why using genuine Microsoft products is preferable. Additionally, this technique ensures that software is in compliance and authenticated. It may also assist in preventing unauthorized installation and thus minimize license costs.

KMSPICO works as an activation software that grants users the ability to install Windows and Microsoft Products for both free or for a lifetime. It's easy to use and relatively small in size, making it very easy for users to set up. Furthermore, it is completely safe to use as there are no viruses nor malware in it.

There's No Use for Products Keys.

It's no mystery that MS products tend to cost a lot. Nonetheless, there exist ways around paying for these heftily priced products. One method utilized is by using activation. This application allows consumers to unregister and install pirated versions of Microsoft Windows, as well as other products, for no charge. The most important feature is to ensure that the application remains virus- and malware-free.

The tool functions by synchronizing with a remote server which holds various authorized keys necessary for Windows Activations. It's important for users to understand that all systems cannot be activated with panacea. It is also not compatible with all Microsoft Office versions.

Many people have claimed that an antivirus program has advised against downloading and installing kmspico windows 10 due to its alleged shadiness and connection with malware. Despite being warned, the KMSPICO tool continues to be used regularly by those who seek a cost-effective and dependable way of activating their pirated Windows. This holds especially true for those students who are unable to purchase a licensed version of Microsoft's software.

There is no risk of fraud detection.

KMSpico acts as a fake key management service server. KMS Servers are utilized to license Microsoft products for larger organizations. However, KMSPICO can break the service agreements with both Microsoft and Microsoft as well as permit software piracy. Moreover, using this software can lead to legal troubles as it violates copyright legislation.

Many experts advise against installing KMSPICO. These cheat tools tend to be distributed via fake downloading portals, search engines, and sales websites. These programs may also contain self-signed certificates, attempting to make them look legitimate. These programs can potentially pose a danger as being Headless Trojans or Malware. This renders them hard to recognize by anti-virus programs.

KMSPICO may cause software activations or pop-up warnings and inhibit users' access to updates, support, and other features available only through licensed products. In addition, this application can lead users to malicious websites that aim to gather personal data or inflict viruses. To minimize these risks, ensure that the software utilized is both legitimately and completely free.

KMSpico is easy to use and does not contain any viruses or malware that can harm the computer.

KMSpico is easy to use and does NOT contain any virus or malicious software that can infect or damage the computer. It does NOT rely on an Internet connection and will not make the computer sluggish or perform poorly. Its size of the software is compact, making it easy for users to easily set up and utilize.

KMSPICO supports both the modern as well as the vintage editions of both Windows® and MS Office®. It utilizes software called KSS (Key Management System), which communicates with a remote server for activating Microsoft software. Unlike some activators, it doesn't require installing any patches or cracked operating systems, and it is frequently updated.

kmspico windows 11 can be downloaded for FREE from reputable websites and used to reactivate Microsoft Products for ever. It is a simple tool that doesn't require any technical knowledge to operate. It's a straightforward tool to operate that doesn't require any technological knowledge. It can be used to both conserve money while still obtaining the highest quality features from branded Microsoft software.

A lifetime license is provided.

KMSPico ranks among the select few activators that grants a perpetual license. It supports activating Microsoft Office and Windows products, which include the most recent version of Microsoft. It supports using both 32- and 64-bit systems. Unlike many other activator software, this one is not obstructed by a complicated installation and can be downloaded and utilized for free.

KMSPico, which is commonly employed by pirated software to circumvent Microsoft licensing requirements, is plagued by numerous issues that should never be utilized. It could lead to data leaks, malware infiltrations, and security issues if used maliciously. It may also modify system configurations and obstruct access to recovering options such as shadow volumes. It's important that cybersecurity, legality, and security are given a higher priority when selecting software licenses and activations. This explains why using authentic Microsoft software is preferred. Additionally, this technique ensures that software is in compliance and authenticated. Additionally, it can prevent users from incurring expensive license fees by preventing unauthorized installation.

[inmyfxith]

Reminiscence

Pairing: Claire x daughter!reader; Brianna x stepsister!reader; Jamie x Claire's daughter!reader

Warnings: None I think

Words: 2k9

-> Requested

When your eyes first opened, mechanically, your mother saw only the positive. For your part, a severe form of panic overcame you. Your eyelids moved slowly, very slowly, so that your dry eyes began to produce tears. Looking up at the wooded ceiling, it was impossible to take your eyes off it. The reasons for your feeling of panic were multiple. Your whole body was paralyzed, your brain ordered your arm to rise but nothing happened. Then you could not recognize the room or even the delicate smell.

However, your doubts and other worries were lessened when your mother came to stand beside you. Her relieved expression was nonetheless intriguing. Her first words were particularly reassuring. Without mentioning the event that had put you in this condition, your mother told you that she had no doubt that your health would improve with time. In a maternal gesture, Claire began to caress the top of your head with great delicacy.

Your mother was right, as the days went by, your body gradually returned to full function. After a few weeks, you were able to sit up for a few hours. However, your episodic memory seemed to have been severely affected by what had happened to you. While you were able to recognize your mother, you were unable to locate yourself or the clothes she was wearing.

Sitting in your bed with your back against the wooden wall of what looked like an old-fashioned physician's office, you were eating breakfast when a tall man with red hair entered the room with a basket full of wild herbs. He was not the first stranger to come to see Claire; many people had sat on the center table where your mother performed her diagnoses. But this man seemed different. After giving you a more than friendly smile, he turned to your mother before asking her about your health.

"She still needs some rest, but I'm sure she'll recover!" The technical prowess put into place during your recovery had been impressive. Claire had set aside her entire life to keep you alive and it was obviously thanks to her that you were now able to recover in the best possible condition.

"I ken she'd make it!" After placing his basket on the table, he turned to you with a warm smile.

"As soon as I saw ye arrive, I ken right away that ye were a tough lass! Once ye recover, I promise to teach ye how to tame thon horse." Not really knowing what he was talking about, you simply smiled back before nodding slightly. The man certainly was not expecting this reaction from you as he cleared his throat before leaving as quickly as he had entered. Putting back the bunch of thyme she had retrieved from the basket, Claire frowned before releasing you from the tray on which your plate rested.

"You could have at least said thank you to him."

"I wish I did, but I don't even know who he is." Probably thinking you were making fun of her, your mother let out a slight chuckle.

"Darling, Jamie is just trying to be nice to you. He knows how complicated the situation you're in is." She then took a seat on the edge of your bed, gently stroking your hair as she examined the stitches that decorated part of your forehead and continued down your skull. Her face closed, however, when she saw the expression on your face. It was now obvious to her that something was wrong. You were not kidding, your mind had no idea who Jamie could be.

"Do you know who Jamie is?" As an answer, you only nodded negatively. There had been a Jamie in your class years before, but it seemed clear that your mother was not talking about him. This answer heightened the sense of anxiety that had overtaken Claire after this short episode.

To make a more precise diagnosis of your potential memory loss, Claire will have you take psychological tests based on questions about recent events as well as everyday facts. Questions such as What is the complete date of today? or What year is it? Your answer to this last question did not satisfy her. It did not satisfy her because you answered 1968. Therefore, Fraser's Ridge was an unfamiliar place to you as was the new historical period into which you were moving.

After a few weeks, Claire thought it would be good for you to see the sun again. Your recovery was not yet complete, but there was no reason you could not get some fresh air. So, she took the time to help you get dressed, not to tighten your corset too much, and to give you time to get used to the usual style of dress in the ridge again. Settled in a chair a few feet from the house your mother shared with the man she called Jamie, you turned your back to her, facing the expanse of green that surrounded Fraser's Ridge.

A hat covered your head, a hat to which Brianna had added a colored ribbon to make it look a little more like you. However, this accessory did not prevent your hair from being caught in the morning breeze that floated over North Carolina. The surroundings were unknown to you. The cabins that emerged from the horizon, the people who walked around you and who, out of politeness, greeted you. With equal courtesy, you nodded or smiled at them to avoid showing that you had absolutely no idea who they were.

Watching your reactions from the doorway, Claire found herself extremely upset about your condition. Through her questions, she had been able to determine that your most recent memory was from the previous year, specifically the last Christmas party you had spent in Boston with her. This meant that all the efforts they, Jamie, Brianna, and herself, had made to make you feel like you belonged had come to naught.

Acclimating to an unfamiliar environment was not an easy thing for a girl your age, and even more so when it meant a complete change of era. Claire could not help but feel guilty because the decision to leave Boston had not really been yours. Your arrival in the middle of the eighteenth century had meant tremendous changes. In the first few months, the vocabulary, the way of acting and living like a 20th century girl was dissipating as the customs of your new era took over. It was then that you faced an episode of depression, nostalgia, and homesickness.

To keep you company, Brianna had decided to set up a chair next to yours and keep herself busy by drawing for you. So, you took advantage of this time with her to ask her all the questions that were swirling around in your mind.

"What happened to me?" Putting her piece of charcoal back down, Brianna frowned, and her focused expression gave way to a form of sadness that almost immediately made you regret your curiosity.

"Mom decided to get you a horse for your birthday. You were so excited to ride it that you rode around the forest together, she explained to me that she lost sight of you for a while. And, as she was looking for you, the horse came home alone." The cadence of her explanations was slow, it became almost obvious as you watched her that your stepsister was reliving through her words one of the most anxiety-provoking days of her entire life.

It was to fill your sadness that Claire had produced the idea of the horse. It was clear that you did not belong at Fraser's Ridge, and every time you looked at the house, you saw an image of a close-knit family to which you would never fully belong.

Your biological father was not Frank, nor was Jamie. As a doctor, your mother had used her professional status to use some form of medically assisted procedure on an expedited basis. Claire had never really bothered to tell you more about the donor, reinforcing your questions about identity. As you mounted the stallion, a distant noise startled him and he began to run at an uncontrollable pace through the forest, taking you with him. Unable to anticipate anything, your head collided with a thick branch, and the violent impact caused you to fall and lose consciousness.

When you were brought back to the house, Claire did her best to wake you up, without success. The open wound on your forehead left little doubt about the diagnosis. Because of your obvious head injury, your GCS scores had come out extremely low, allowing Claire to deduce that you had fallen into some form of coma because of your accident.

It is a strange feeling to be told about events that you have no memory of. Part of you rejected the information coming from Brianna's mouth, she had no reason to lie to you and yet your brain refused to believe something it did not register itself. Mechanically, your fingers went to the wound that decorated your forehead. It had been stitched up and you could still feel the threads sticking out. As if sensing your emotion, your stepsister placed her hand on your thigh before smiling at you.

"It's going to be okay, I'll be here to help you adjust!" Your sense of guilt grew as the days passed. When someone unintentionally commented on an event you could not remember, you felt guilty for turning a shared memory into a worthless piece of life. The expression you would return to the people who brought it up would systematically change when they became aware of your condition, reminding you every day that maybe if you had not acted in a certain way, nothing would have really changed. But it was that look on your mother's face that hurt the most. She had done everything she could to keep you alive, to make you appreciate life in North Carolina, and you felt like you were thanking her by reminding her at every turn that you had almost lost your life. You could also feel her guilt. Claire brought you here, she was the one who wanted you to discover the eighteenth century, to meet Jamie, and most of all to live with a stable family situation.

Woken up at dawn by your mother, it was a big day. Jamie had decided that today he would take you on a walk around the ridge, and Claire had thought that this little excursion would be good for both you and him.

"On yer feet lass" he said to you as you ate your breakfast and tried to stay awake. You barely had time to clean your plate until you realized that Jamie had his coat over his shoulders and his hat on his head. Walking over to you, Claire helped you put yours on before placing her hands on your cheeks.

"You promise me to be very careful, listen to what Jamie tells you, and most of all, have an enjoyable time." Your mother placed her lips on your forehead and left a soft kiss there before she gave her husband instructions. The sun was just emerging on the horizon but the light of its first rays was already illuminating the surroundings perfectly. Waiting for Jamie on the front porch of the house, you observed the beauty of the place. A slight whinny, however, made you feel panicky, and then you saw him. Mounted by your mother's husband, a black-coated stallion was striding toward you.

Knowing what trauma can do, Claire did not stand extremely far from you, just in case. Taking the proper amount of time, Jamie finally reached out to you.

"Ye no gaunnae ride alone, no this time" Riding through the forest, the light coming through the leaves of the trees made the place even more pleasing to the eyes than it already was. The horse was moving at a steady pace, but not too fast. Jamie's right hand held the bridles firmly while his other hand held you against him. It was obvious that he was being extremely protective, even a little too much, but you knew that your mother would not forgive him if anything happened to you again.

At one point, Jamie pulled on the reins, making the horse stop.

"Why did we stop?" you asked, looking around for something out of the ordinary that might explain his action. But there was nothing around, nothing but trees, grasses, and flowers of various shapes and smells and small animals running here and there after hearing the hooves of the mount.

"I wanna show ye somethin" Jamie dismounted first before tying up the horse, which he named Alec. Then he extended his hands in your direction to help you dismount safely before you set off together. Stopping in front of a tree trunk in bad condition, Jamie gestured to you to observe it carefully. Nothing caught your eye, it was only the rotting corpse of a plant that must have been majestic because of the size of its base.

"What is it?" you finally asked with a frown, unsure of what you were supposed to find. Jamie's face was suddenly graced with an almost proud smile.

"That's where I taught ye how to use a rifle! Ye see the impacts," he leaned over to the trunk and stroked his fingertips over the few holes where some of the bugs had taken refuge, "that's one of mine, and those, those are yers." His expression suddenly changed, as did those of the other people trying to talk to you. He cleared his throat before looking off into the horizon with his back to you.

"But obviously ye dinnae remember." One thing surprised you though, his tone seemed strangely filled with emotion, as if the fact that you did not remember that moment was especially affecting him. Jamie took a deep breath and turned to you with a surprisingly benevolent smile again.

"I'll teach ye again, in a few months. I doubt ye ma will approve for a while." After winking at you, he put his hand on your back for the two of you to continue your walk. On the way to the next point, he told you the story of his encounter with the Mohawks, of how his nephew, Young Ian, whom he called your cousin here, had joined the tribe with great bravery.

"I should like very much to meet him."

"Ye have, at last, I am sure he will return to us soon." You then arrived at the boundary of the Fraser's Ridge landowner's land, a boundary marked by an engraving on a tree. Leaning where he could, Jamie pointed to the mark with his chin. His words about the Indians were carefully chosen to tell you that you should never venture beyond this mark alone, he made you promise that.

As the sun neared its zenith, but also because you had left early, Jamie found a quiet spot by a stream for you to eat what Claire had had the brilliance of mind to prepare. Sitting each on a rock, eating, you found it an opportune time to say what you had to say.

"I must apologize to you." you said as you bowed your head, breaking the silence of the moment. Raising his head to you, Jamie placed his sandwich on the piece of cloth spread across his lap before frowning.

"Aboot what?"

"The day you came to bring my mom some herbs, and you said you'd help me ride, I, I didn't thank you for your offer, and I'm sorry." Looking down, you twirled your sandwich between your fingers as if to divert your attention from what you were doing. Jamie then let out a slight sigh of relief, the poor man had thought for a moment that you had done something that would embarrass him.

"Ye have no need to apologize in any way, simply because I am no mad. Ye had just woken up, and I was not aware of what had happened to ye."

"I wish you'd been my da..." That was what had been running through your mind since you had heard the way he had talked about your condition in front of the tree trunk. Only Claire or Brianna had expressed so much emotion about your accident. Your revelation caught him off guard, yet he knew in his heart how to respond in the most accurate way possible.

"I am, in every other way that matters." His answer brought tears to your eyes because now, even if you did not share his blood, you knew you would not be a total stranger in his home.

The rest of the meal was silent, each of you satisfied with the way things had turned out. When the big house appeared on the horizon, Jamie stopped his horse again and whispered a few words in your ear.

"If I had enough patience to teach ye things once, ye can be sure I'll have even more the second time around." Claire greeted you with a big smile and wide-open arms. After dropping you off, still perched on Alec's back, Jamie gave you a confident look.

"Same thing next week? I will teach ye how to tame that old nag!" In response, you nodded with a smile before telling him thank you both for his offer but also for the first good memory you would have of your new life.

[lilliankillthisman]

Yeah no I spend too much time thinking about this not to do it myself.

Like all of Wildbow's books Twig is fundamentally anti-democratic, uninterested in the agency of the masses. The popular revolutionary movement threatened in the early stages of the book goes nowhere, unable to hold together, and its successor organisations under Cynthia and Mauer fail to materially harm the regime. The revolutionary movements that find success are led by dissatisfied regime elites (Hayle and Fray) and do so by co-opting the existing forces and structures of the Crown and Academy, now under the Lambs.

Nonetheless, it's clear that we are supposed to believe that our new, upstart aristocracy is going to usher in a better age, sitting as benevolent tyrants on top of the existing governmental structures. "Bad people have power; we should replace them with good people" is an incredibly Wildbow way of thinking about government; it's why Pale's politics are famously incoherent. Please note that I know that Sy is not endorsed by the narrative, and the new Lords and Ladies are mostly there for the healthcare benefits not to be reformers; the presentation is still clear from the epilogues.

It's also kind of dumb; the new bosses are completely dependent on the Academy for administrating the nation, and for keeping them alive and functioning; it really should be more likely for them to be subsumed by the apparatus than for them to meaningfully alter it. But when we look back, the message is pretty clear; the Infante, an Evil superhuman aristocrat, was able to drastically influence the Academy in the Crown States into completely changing its approach (to make it more evil). It's in keeping with that for our new, Good superhuman aristocrats should be able to change the direction of the system as well.

And yet I'm going to say that this isn't just a Wildbow Politics moment. The constant throughline in Twig is that only the Academy matters; the Crown is controlled by the Academy, the nobles are a product of the Academy, the King is a literal puppet of the Academy, the Academy always wins. It is literally textual that changing the figureheads doesn't mean the Academy has changed; it is literally textual that Sy and the Infante, both creations of the Academy, are selling the same plan with cosmetic changes (the number of people left alive, basically).

Where am I going with this? It's capitalism, the Academy is capitalism, it's easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of the Academy, Twig is a metaphor for capitalism. The Academy is undefeatable because everyone in power is reliant on it for support and can't imagine it losing; it definitely can't be done away with in North America, only vague unspecified other parts of the world that Americans don't know or care about... and it can be made more or less evil depending on who's in charge, because this is still a Wildbow novel.

we don't need another post about ward's politics being shitty or pale's politics being incoherent or wildbow's politics being carceral. it's been five years give me a good take on the politics of twig

[truetgirl]

Alright gang, home stretch. Since I do these little writeups every other day, I only have today the 25th, 27th, and 29th left to go. Maybe I’ll do something extra on the last day of the month, just to wrap up. We’ll see. For today:

Amberprice!

My congratulations to Chloe Price on the distinction of being the only character to show up in two of these this month. Well done, madam. Ya just gotta love split-timeline stories in which they take the opportunity to have multiple happy scenarios in the end.

But yes, Rachel and Chloe. It was an odd journey for me to liking these two together. Really it was mostly a function of it taking a long time to decide how I felt about Rachel. From the starting point of Rachel being the missing kinda-sorta-maybe (definitely) ex in LiS 1, to the semi manic pixie dream girl but with real human flaws and problems thing in Before the Storm, to the more grown up and better adjusted version we get to meet in the comics... Rachel covers a lot of ground. But we’re here to talk about their relationship, both of them together, not just Rachel, and for that, we’re gonna need to go a mental journey down one of these possible paths.

First let’s set up how I think we get to the point of them living together before meeting them in the comics. I think the point of divergence is where you, as Chloe, Have a chance to ask Rachel to prove she’s serious about leaving Arcadia Bay together.

Now the interesting thing here is that only the kiss displays an out-and-out, intensely present romantic interest. The other interesting thing? In the first game, Rachel has this tattoo (the one in this pic being a placeholder Chloe drew on):

Meanwhile, if we check the comics...

No tattoo, not here or in even a single other panel of the entire series.

Basically my theory is that, in the timeline of the original game, Chloe asked Rachel to get a tattoo, she did, and then the events we’re familiar with played out.

In the comic timeline, meanwhile, she decided to be brave and go for the kiss. That would have changed how Rachel though of Chloe and their relationship, made her take things a bit more seriously. Eventually, they did end up leaving together, and they went right to where they always said they’d go, where Max would meet them: Santa Monica.

Why is this important? Because I think the key difference is Chloe being honest, vulnerable, and brave with her feelings. It’s hard for anyone to do, let alone Chloe at that point in her life. It’s a big difference, especially when they were that early in their relationship, and it would have had ripple effects. Regardless, how they get there is secondary. There are many things I like about their relationship in the comics, bu what I really want to highlight is something about their lives once they’ve gotten to Santa Monica.

In Before the Storm both of their stories center on hard to deal with emotions surrounding their families in general and their fathers especially. Chloe’s dad is dead and she’s having tremendous issues with her well-meaning but not always great mom and her new soon-to-be-stepdad. Rachel’s dad, as far as she can tell, is cheating on her mother, shattering her previously idealized picture of him. By the end I think I’d wish it were that simple, if I were her.

Both of them are going through these deeply, deeply painful experiences centered on their parents; feeling alienated from them, being unable to accept what seem to them like completely voluntary choices that do nothing but hurt them, be it Joyce inviting David to move in or Mr. Amber’s apparent infidelity. They are, at the end of the day, two very different people from very different homes who nonetheless feel hurt in a very similar way, and they find comfort in each other.

But by the time we meet them in the comics? We hear about none of it. We never hear anything about this timeline’s Joyce and David, even though we know for sure they’re fine, as Arcadia Bay is still standing. We never hear about Rachel’s family situation either. Nothing like that, in fact. Nothing at all. We just see the two of them happy, together, and living life.

Do you know how inspiring a message that can be? Especially for a lot queer people, the message of “your family hurting you is not the be-all end-all, there is life after them and it is a life that can be full of joy without them” is HUGE. Their lives are free of even the shadows of their painful family ties. They are living happily, well, and free, and that is beautiful to me.

[paydayquid]

Get Quick Cash in a Pleasant Manner with Short Term Loans Direct Lenders

The short term loans when salaried people need money to relieve financial strains, debit cards are not available on demand. Payday loans are well known for providing amounts between £100 and £1000 with terms of 14 to 30 days for repayment. The provided cash can be continuously used to pay for laundry, medical bills, power, unexpected auto repairs, outstanding bank overdrafts, credit card payments, child's school or tuition fees, and a variety of other expenses.

Other than that, bad credit histories like local court judgments, individual voluntary agreements, bankruptcies, foreclosures, missed payments, and all of those things are permitted to apply for short term loans direct lenders without going through the credit check system, enabling you to make the quickest cash provision possible wherever you are and at any time. You must promptly return the money because these are unsecured loans.

Before applying, there are a few particular requirements that you must meet, like being 18 years old, a permanent employee with a stable source of income, and having an active bank account. Also, the short term loans UK direct lender is approved and sent into your account the same business day after you submit an online application on the website.

Getting the best Same Day Loans UK for you

Risk considerations that lenders consider before approving a same day loans UK for a borrower with poor credit include defaults, foreclosure, skipping payments, payments that are past due, late payments, CCJs, IVAs, and even liquidation. That's why; it is never easy to make the money from lenders in the open market. Nonetheless, there are payday loans without a debit card available in the market to assist folks, regardless of their credit histories. Cause behind of it is that these loans are endowed to people against their income status.

Paying for short-term financial obligations like power, phone, groceries, school or tuition fees, medical emergency bills, unforeseen travel expenses, laundry, etc., can be done successfully and without issue. However keep in mind that you must reach the stipulated repayment date on time.

You must first be a resident of the UK who is at least 18 years old, be a permanent employee, and have an active checking account in order to receive instant approval for same day loans UK. You must now complete a brief online application form with the necessary information and submit it for confirmation in order for the money to be safely transferred into your bank account within 30 minutes of the submission date.

Same day loans function similarly to [personal loans]. If your same day loans direct lenders application is approved, you will have to pay interest on the amount you borrowed and repay it over time in equal monthly payments. You'll need to discover a credit-worthy person who is willing to pay off your debt if you are unable to pay it back when you apply for a same day cash loan. Your guarantee minimizes the loan provider's risk to lend to you. When you apply for the loan, your guarantor will have their credit history reviewed, be asked about their income, and be required to submit documentation proving their identification and income.

https://paydayquid.co.uk/

[tenthgrove]

Soft Yandere Tizano and squalo

Yandere La Unita

Content Warnings: yandere behaviour, manipulation, abduction, forced dependency, violence, unhealthy relationships, the general existence of Dolcio Cioccolata.

Squalo and Tiziano

It isn't common for Squalo and Tiziano to interact with civilians. Or anyone really, since the pair are largely content with each other's company and nothing more. The sole exception to this is the necessary interactions that result from their frequent shopping trips, from which you, the cashier of their favourite boutique, came into play.

The pair observed you innocuously for many months, slowly learning practically everything that could be known about you simply from overheard conversations with colleagues. You dare say you liked them, even, as they were friendlier than your average customer and a familiar face to look forward too.

One day, Squalo sits Tiziano down and admits his attraction to you. It was meant to be an honourable confession, an honest admittance of wrongdoing to ensure no harm comes to the relationship. To Squalo's shock, Tiziano chuckles and announces he feels the same way. It's time the couple started to pursue you actively.

The defining feature of how Squalo and Tiziano obtain you is that it's calculated and smart. Squalo's happy to just walk up to you and ask for you to be together (or barring that, just abduct you), but it is Tiziano who convinces him otherwise. Not only would conventional methods of wooing you be unlikely to work, but they have practical concerns to worry about as well, being high-ranking members of the mafia. They're going to have to plan something a little more nuanced.

During a visit to your store, Squalo slips a little bit of paper into your pocket. You open it at home that evening to find your own address, along with several belonging to your closest friends and family listed out, above a message instructing you to come to a location of their choice the next day or they'll start paying these people visits. It's an outdoor restaurant in the middle of the city, where there's bound to be a lot of people. They don't want to scare you too much after all.

You arrive at the restaurant the next day on weak knees. Squalo and Tiziano thank you for coming, before introducing themselves in no uncertain terms as mafiosos who have taken an interest in you, and would like to start dating. You read between the lines that you don't have an option to say no.

However, the pair make clear the incentives to accept their offer are just as profound as the threats against refusing it. Are you in education? They're happy to support you in continuing it. Do you work? They have more than enough money to support you in reducing your hours or, if it's something you genuinely enjoy, bribing the right people to advance your career. Ultimately, Squalo and Tiziano know the carrot is just as important as the stick.

Thought you aren't forced to go home with them there and then, it soon becomes clear you're expected to sort your affairs quickly and move in within the next couple of months. From that point on, the couple will treat you as though you've been together for years, expecting you to address them as your partners as well.

Both Squalo and Tiziano are very touchy in their own ways, and while they would never force themselves on you, are more than happy to trail their hands up and down your arms early on. They are also both incredibly teasing, and will pick up on all your reactions.

The good news is that the level of freedom afforded to you is high from the get-go. Even from the beginning, you're allowed to maintain control of your finances and go out by yourself provided you tell them. Just be warned they'll occasionally check in on you by surprise to make sure you're actually where you said you would go. The one thing they do quite heavily police is social visits. The possibility of you revealing to someone they forced you to be with them is very acute, not that you would get very far if you did try to run away. It's not that you can't have friends, you just need to be very honest about who you're meeting and why.

Cioccolata and Secco

If Dolcio Cioccolata has taken an interest in you and his intentions aren't torture or murder, it can only mean one thing- you are someone very dear to him, and have been so for a long time. Chances are, you probably trust him a lot back. Cioccolata's gotten very good at acting normal around his respectable friends, after all.

The two main possibilities are that you know him as a family friend and became close through parties, or you're a chronically ill patient who found yourself in his care, and were lucky enough to avoid his scalpel long enough for a genuine mutual bond to form. It could be both. You could have fallen ill after knowing him for a long time. He could have made you ill.

As for Secco, Cioccolata will only pursue you as a lover with his consent. Cioccolata would never want his darling pet to feel neglected, after all, and for that reason it's only when Secco confesses a fondness for you that Cioccolata decides its time to make you his own. Secco is immediately very excited at the thought of you joining them, and for a while Cioccolata's main concern is actually stopping him from giving their plans away.

As much as Cioccolata would love to pluck you from your home, he knows that would only get him caught. The police are already after a serial killer with surgical knowledge, and taking you like that would just make him a suspect. So he does something more covert, he invites you over. You enjoy a lovely night gorging snacks and watching TV with your two friends, until Cioccolata invites you to the basement. As you go down, he snatches your phone and sends out the first of many messages designed to trick your family into thinking you've run away.

Waiting for you there in the basement, to your horror, is a functional operating theatre, complete with spatter after spatter of blood. You'll probably try to run, but the door is already locked. But don't worry, your blood won't be joining that on the table tonight. As Cioccolata explains to you as you cower in the corner, he treasures your bond very much, the tender feeling of what they call 'romance' that fills his heart whenever you look at him, the obscure sense of care for another human being. He won't be subjecting you to his operations.

That is, until your inevitable first attempt at escape. Although he'll still stop short of outright torturing you (providing a generous dose of general anaesthetic and subsequent painkillers) his 'alterations' to your limbs will lead you unable to walk or carry out fine motor skills. You'll be entirely dependent on his and Secco's care. As he assures you frequently, the changes are entirely reversible and you can have all your old mobility back with another operation and a little physical therapy, but for Cioccolata to give that to you, you're going to have to earn it.

Cioccolata keeps his promise to reverse the damage he did to you, but by the time that happens a lot has changed. He hasn't conditioned you to become like Secco as that would involve removing everything that first endeared him to you, but you're still going to have to become a lot more warmed up to him to trust you with your limbs back. At least you'll be treated like royalty in the meantime, even if you are still a prisoner. Cioccolata will remind you every day you're his darling pet, just like Secco.

Doppio

Doppio was never allowed to have lovers when the Boss was around. He found it a little hypocritical since the boss once told him he had a girlfriend, but he guessed he understood his reasoning and, either way, he would never question his boss. The boss is gone now, and Doppio has nobody to guide him anymore. He's alone and doesn't know what to do; even the old hideouts the new boss never found feel cold and empty, and Doppio can't bring himself to enter them. Then he met you.

You weren't quite sure what you were looking at, seeing a fine-dressed, disoriented boy stumbling around in the rain outside your window. Nonetheless, you knew he was in no state to be alone so you went out and approached him. When it was clear he had nobody to call, you invited him in.

As you leave him alone in the sitting room to make coffee, Doppio's mind is going in cartwheels. You've been so kind to him, and deep down in his heart something tells him the two of you were meant for each other. This could be his new start! Someone to rely on, to depend upon to give him purpose! But wait- if he leaves tonight he might never see you again! As he panics, Doppio decides he can't let that happen. He needs to have you tonight.

The second you return to the sitting room, Doppio pounces on you. As he frantically assures you that everything's going to be okay, you pass out from shock. You wake up in a strange house, tied to an extravagant bed. Your screams bring Doppio to your room. He quickly reassures you he isn't going to hurt you and is doing this so you can be together.

Doppio has some (i.e, a few million quid) money he was able to salvage from before the boss' fall, and he's going to use it however possible to please you. He will buy you anything and everything you desire short of freedom, making his own guesses about what you'd like if you refuse to talk.

His initial plan is to keep you locked up in that room (or at very least the wider house) forever, since it's safest for you and his old boss never went out much, but eventually he relents at your distress. He'll let you out eventually, if that's what it takes to make you smile.

On that note, the best thing about being Doppio's darling is how easy it is to turn the tables on him. Once you've behaved yourself for a while, having learned what keeps Doppio satisfied, it's very easy to become the dominant one in the relationship and make him let you do whatever you want. His sole desire is to serve you, after all.

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Serenade (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader) Pt. 7

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: None? I think? Please let me know if I missed something Notes: This is incredibly dialogue heavy, and I actually don't feel as confident about this chapter as some of the past ones? Hopefully y'all like it, I mean at least the ending is cute (or cheesy, depending on who you ask). PS: Not sure how many chapters there will be in total, other than at least 3 more (one of which ill, in fact, get a little h*rny again. actually, h*rnier). Past Chapters: Pt. 1: Nocturne, Pt. 2: Overture, Pt. 3: Accelerando, Pt. 4: Toccata, Pt. 5: Poco a Poco, Pt. 6: Elegy

Chapter 7: Harmony

“We need to talk, yeah?” Daniela asked, nearly stuttering, a sort of nervous that you had never seen her exhibit before. The first thing you think is that she’s really, really cute when she doesn’t know what to do. After that you actually process what she said. Relief floods your chest, followed by warmth, and you make a mental note to thank Bela the next time you see her. In the meantime, you were unable to contain your happiness. Out of instinct you move closer to Daniela, smiling softly, quietly reaching one of your hands towards hers. There’s no hesitance in her response. Instead of taking your hand she pulls you in for a hug, opting to rest her chin against your shoulder. Admittedly you’re a little surprised, but you return the motion nonetheless. “Oh, little songbird…”

Heart racing, you softly press against Daniela, turning your head so that you could place a single, brief kiss against her exposed collarbone. For a moment the two of you just stay like that, holding each other close. When you pull away, remembering that you still hadn’t said anything, you find that Daniela is blushing from the neck up. In turn, the sight makes you blush. You can’t help but reach out and run your fingers through her hair. Though you can’t see yourself, you know your eyes are filled with affection.

“I love when you look at me like this,” Daniela whispered, not entirely meaning to voice her thoughts. Then you’re blushing harder, smile small but sweet. “Mmm, you’re just darling, aren’t you?”

“Not nearly as much as yourself, my Lady. To be in your company is to be the luckiest soul in the world. I cannot even begin to describe the feelings of which you inspire in me,” you replied, trying not to stumble over your words, barely able to process any thoughts other than ‘pretty lady likes me ahh’. Thankfully, you still remembered a few tricks from language arts class. Who knew studying the classics could make you more romantic? At least one English teacher, probably. “I’ll have plenty of time to try, though… after we talk about things, that is. Is there somewhere private we can talk? I’m not terribly eager for your mother to overhear.”

“Are you sure we can’t talk about how much you like me for a while longer?” Daniela asked, faking a pout. When you perk a brow at her antics, she shifts a little, forcing herself to be a little more serious (at least for the time being). “If you insist, my sweet thing. I’d suggest my room-” she winks at you- “but I doubt we’d stay talking for long, would we? Maybe the library? Neither of my sisters tend to go there around this time of day, and I can hardly remember the last time mother went there.”

“Well, no one from the day shift is scheduled to organize things until later this week, so… sounds like a date to me,” you chimed, enjoying the way that Daniela’s face lit up in response. “There’s just one thing I have to take care of first. Wouldn’t want my roommates to think something has happened to me, now would we?” With that said you linked your arm with your partner’s, setting off towards the servants quarters.

—————————————–

“Oh thank goodness, we were starting to get worried!” Daphne exclaimed as you quietly ducked into your room. For a second you freeze in place, hoping to whatever higher powers may be that she hadn’t seen Daniela behind you. Certainly the vampire would have moved out of sight?... Despite your assumption, you do see Daphne hesitate for a moment, gazing at the now closed door. Thinking quickly, you give a little wave to draw her attention elsewhere. Seemingly it works like a charm, with her attention returning to you, and so you release an internal sigh of relief. Now you just had to think of an excuse for why you’d be staying up late.

“It’s fine- I’m fine, really. Just had to carry something for one of the Ladies,” you lied, trying not to be specific enough to possibly contradict facts you weren’t aware of. “I, uh, kinda have to go back out, though? There are some piano books I need to find before tomorrow morning. I’ve already found a few, but apparently there’s at least one that goes over some technical practice songs, and I think D-” you almost wince, but lean into it, stuttering instead- “th-think that Lady Daniela would enjoy the variety. Not sure how long it’ll take me to find the books, so don’t stay up waiting for me. I promise I’ll still get enough sleep to function tomorrow.”

“So the lessons haven’t been canceled? That’s good to hear,” Daphne said, nodding slowly. The words catch you off guard, and you tilt your head to the side in confusion. Noticing your expression, your roommate is quick to explain. “After whatever happened yesterday… we weren’t sure if we’d ever hear you play again. Not that we know what happened, just that Lady Daniela was, well, upset, and you stopped playing sooner than usual. But I suppose if the lessons were canceled completely… I doubt Lady Dimitrescu would let you go that easily, huh?”

Again, you shift awkwardly, wondering how Daniela must feel hearing all of this. But just like that Daphne shakes her head, clearing her thoughts, and gives a little shrug.

“Don’t stay up too late, okay? I know you already promised, but we both know you’ll lose track of time if you aren’t careful. If you aren’t in bed by the time the sun reaches its peak, I swear we are gonna have words!” Both of you laugh before Daphne waves you off with a smile. Still, you wait to open the door until she (and the other maidens) has her back to you. Better safe than sorry, right?

—————————————–

Somehow the room felt different in a million ways, now that you were here with Daniela. There was something about the way she moved, freely, eyes and fingers running down the spines of familiar books. Even if you had not seen it before, it felt like the library was overflowing with magic. What I would give, you think, to see the whole world tinted in shades of her. Again you find yourself blushing as you followed Daniela towards a small sitting area. One of the chairs is practically a recliner, with plenty of space, and you realize what she has planned mere moments before she acts.

Next thing you know, you’re being pulled closer to her, practically lifted into the air. Then you’re falling back, right on top of a giggling Daniela. By the time you’ve regained your senses, you’re in her lap, held just tight enough to keep you from getting up. She’s watching your face closely, smirking with pure satisfaction.

“Are we going to be able to talk like this?” You asked, a little unsure yourself, already distracted by the soft curve of her jawline. Even as you speak you’re eying her, imagining what it would feel like to trail kisses along her skin until she was restless… Thankfully she responds before your mind gets too carried away.

“Of course we are, little songbird. Probably. If you behave,” Daniela teased, gently playing with your hair as she did. You can’t help but laugh when she suggests that you are the one who needs to control yourself. “Alright, alright, I get your point. I just… I think that it’s easier for me to, fuck, I don’t know. Relax? It’s easier for me to relax like this, holding you, getting to kiss that lovely neck of yours-” she pauses to demonstrate- “and that means I won’t freak out like last time. Or so goes my thought process, anyway.”

“In that case…” You’re sitting perpendicular to her now, still holding on tight. One hand cups her cheek, gently caressing the skin, before you lean in for a kiss. The two of you enjoy yourselves for a minute, glad to have this time together, more glad to be reassured of each other’s affection. To think that you wouldn’t even be able to meet her gaze if not for Bela’s intervention… Eventually you pull back, knowing that you did need to talk. “I care about you, firefly, and I want things between us to be real, and healthy, but I…”

The words died in your throat, a lump you couldn’t quite swallow, when memories sprung up like weeds in your brain. Communication mattered to you for a thousand reasons, and you weren’t blind to the irony of one of those reasons making you freeze up.

“I haven’t… done this before, not for real,” Daniela replied, mistaking your paues for uncertainty. “Apparently being an immortal, blood-drinking princess is only attractive in the realm of fiction. Maidens only ever seemed interested in a fleeting rush, or a fraction of a chance at an escape. They didn’t care for romance.” Now her tone gets bitter, and her eyebrows furrow. You can see her shoulders tense up, raising a little, making you try to snap out of your own thoughts for a few moments. By the time she speaks again, you’ve started to gently rub her back. “Maybe I should have paid more attention to my novels. How often does the monster actually get a happy ending?” She says the words with a hollow laugh. Still, she’s relaxed a little under your touch, even leaning into it.

“You’ve… done some bad things. Hurt a lot of people, and I can’t pretend that doesn’t scare me,” you started to say, ignoring the heartache you feel when you see Daniela’s hurt expression. “But you’re more than that. You’re soft, cute, and mischievous. More than that… I can tell that you want something beautiful. We can have that, we can make that, for ourselves, with our own hands and our own desires. But we can’t use stories as a blueprint. We can’t rely on what we’ve read, not when everything the two of us do is brand new. Not when-” you close your eyes, fighting back tears, glimpsing fragments of your last relationship- “not when I’ve already been hurt by my own misconceptions. The things we read aren’t always real, or right, or anything like what we need. What we deserve.”

“Something tells me you’re holding back a little,” Daniela murmured, barely able to get the words out. It almost looks like she’s close to crying, but her cheeks are dry, and her voice is steady. “But you’re right. What we have is better than anyone could write, anyway. You’re my little songbird, and I’m not letting you go anytime soon. Even if I have to figure out this whole ‘communication’ thing. I suppose that means I should… come clean. About a few things.” There’s a clear hesitance to her voice, like she’s embarrassed, and she’s speaking slower than usual. A blush rises to her cheeks before she takes a deep breath.

“We don’t have to talk about everything right now, if you aren’t ready. We’ve already made good progress, I think, even if half of it might be because of your sisters. Well, sister, singular. Cassandra throwing me into that wall really didn’t help anyone. Except maybe the chiropractor I will inevitably need to see,” you joked, remembering your earlier conversation with Bela.

“Hold up for a fucking second, Cassandra did what? I’m going to replace all her paint brushes with stained carpet strips, and that’s if she apologizes. Nobody fucks with my baby,” Daniela snapped, expression as serious as can be. Normally you found her anger to be terrifying. Now that she was directing it at someone else? And on your behalf?... Maybe it was a tiny bit cute. Which you tried to show, by gently bringing her in for another kiss. Of course, Daniela isn’t quite as gentle, instead kissing you hard, holding you as closely as she can. There’s a bit of possessiveness in her grip, and it makes you tense up. But as soon as you do she’s pulling back, breathing hard, eyes weighed down with concern.

“Y’know, I think she was just mad that I made you cry. And if I found out someone made you cry, I would be pretty angry. Not that I’d throw someone, partially because I don’t think I could, but still. It’s… almost cute how much your sisters care about you. Almost, just not quite,” you said, eager to draw the attention away from your reaction. Like you had told Daniela, it was okay if you weren’t ready to talk about everything. “Speaking of that, I can’t believe I haven’t apologized yet. I panicked so much, I didn’t even realize I was yelling until you picked me up. No matter how frustrated I was, I shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t, please,” Daniela interrupted, eyes closing for a moment. “I can’t believe you’re apologizing. I pinned you to the wall, and not for the usual reason!” There’s a bit of panic in her expression, and you get the feeling that she’s beating herself up inside about it. Which, based on what you had thought about what you had done, was understandable.

“Consider this: We both fucked up, and we’ve both acknowledged it now, so we could just… not talk about our regrets? At least for now,” you countered, glad to see Daniela relax and nod in response. Leaning in, you shift to rest your head against her shoulder, wanting to enjoy her proximity more. “Hey… if I’m your songbird, and you’re my firefly… are we, I don’t know… officially a couple now?”

“I was under the impression that we already were,” Daniela said, clearly a little confused. While you technically agreed with her… there was another part of you that wanted to have a little fun.

“You never asked, and I know I never did either, so…” Now you’re looking up at her, smile wide, heart beating faster than normal. “Lady Daniela, firefly of house Dimitrescu, lover of romance novels, player of pianos, keeper of my heart… Will you do me the honor of allowing me to court you? To be yours, officially, in the pursuit of affection and happiness like the village- nay, the world- has never before seen? Will you be my girlfriend?”

“How’s this for an answer, songbird?” Daniela cooed. Then she was lifting your chin from her shoulder, turning her head and bringing you closer. Your lips touch, as gentle as can be. It’s a short kiss, but one radiating with love, that ends with your foreheads pressed against each other. In this moment, you feel like you could stay in her arms for the rest of eternity. “Yes. Absolutely yes, obviously, a thousand times. I could never say no to you, especially not now, with your eyes so desperate for the sight of me, and your lips so begging to be kissed. Now, how about we celebrate, hmm?”

Just as Daphne had predicted, you end up staying awake far too late, but you were all the happier for it.

[onyxhellebore]

The moment when Thomas Sharpe and Edith Cushing meet in Crimson Peak never fails to floor me. That moment, when he picks up her story and finds it genuinely fascinating, is a moment of genuine connection that the two of them have never experienced before. 

For her, it’s unique because of her gender--only family members and friends so close that they are functionally family have seen anything in her writing, and none of them quite seem to see her. 

For him, the moment is pure for an entirely different reason. Lucille is the only woman he has had any kind of genuine connection with until this moment. I truly believe that. All other women are either obstacles who need to be deceived, as men are, or prey. Prey that he may feel compassionate towards, but prey nonetheless. 

For a shining moment, when Thomas thinks Edith is just a secretary and Edith is feeling seen in a new way and Thomas is, for the first time, feeling a hint of wanting to see, that connection is completely genuine. 

And then Edith’s father walks in and shatters the illusion, and since Thomas is unable to let go, Edith becomes prey. Prey and soulmate all at once, and everything shatters. 

[mercy-burning]

Payback

Summary: After Reader surprises Spencer at a BAU holiday party, he can’t stop thinking about her. Category: Fluff Word Count: 4.2k NOTE: This is my first little fic, I’ve had this idea for a while now and I’ve always wanted to write it, so please let me know what you think! I hope you like it! And if there’s anything I should include in the before/summaries of my stuff in the future, please let me know! I’d love to write more but I’m not sure what everyone wants to see. Thank you!

***

He could still taste peppermint. It's been 8 days and still, every time his lips press together, Spencer swears he can taste her peppermint lip gloss coating them. It's all he's been able to think about as of late.

And no sooner than he could taste her lips, he could see her face, the way her eyes had glimmered after just a glass of champagne, amused and proud of her actions. He tried not to think about how dumbfounded he must have looked, completely frozen and practically unable to function properly, let alone at all. His mind betrayed him, though only for a second before he focused on the way she'd lovingly patted his cheek and whispered, "There you go," before pressing her lips together and turning away.

The whole ordeal had only lasted no longer than five seconds, but to Spencer it had felt like a lifetime. Time had slowed to a stop and refused to move forward the very moment she grabbed his face.

Truth be told, he should have seen it coming. For years since Y/N had joined the BAU, his friends had teased him relentlessly about her. More specifically, Morgan had caught him staring at her from across the jet once upon a time, her first case with the team, and when she'd looked up and smiled at Spencer, causing him to give a small wave and immediately avert his gaze, Morgan laughed from beside him and stated, "You couldn't be more obvious if you tried, Pretty Boy."

Emily and Rossi, who were seated across from them, didn't even have to turn around to know what was happening, and the shared a knowing smile before Hotch had returned from the bathroom and started debriefing.

Spencer had tried to play it cool at first, blowing off his friends' teasing remarks and sometimes crude gestures, but deep down he knew they were all right. And if they were able to see just how badly he liked Y/N, then it was probably no secret that she'd been able to tell as well. The thought made him nervous, but in the three years since he and Y/N had come to be better friends, he'd gotten more comfortable and a little (but not by much) less blush-prone when she paid him a smile or occasionally brushed her hand against his.

Nonetheless, the teasing from the rest of the team had slowed significantly, though it hadn't entirely stopped. Every time they all got together for a dinner at Rossi's or a party for the holidays, Y/N got dressed up, and every time without fail Spencer couldn't help but admire her beauty. Of course he'd found her beautiful all the time, but there was something about the way she held herself during these events, almost like she knew she was the most stunning person in the room, that drove him crazy, and even intimidated him a little. (She's way out of my league, he'd thought to himself once.)

And every single time, either Morgan or Garcia, or pretty much anyone else, but those two specifically, would try to get him to talk to her, to ask her on a date, or to just flirt with her. But, as usual, Spencer brushed it off, and each night he would go the entire time without taking his friends' advice, much to their chagrin.

Sometimes he wished he had, that he was brave enough to say something to her, anything beyond the usual, "you look nice" before quickly changing the subject. And a few times he almost came close, but some small part of his conscience told him that she wouldn't reciprocate. That he was too weird and that she was too good for him. And then he would chastise himself for even thinking that he would have a shot, and he'd have to live with the fact that he would just be teased by his friends forever about this perfect woman that he would never have the courage to come clean to.

But all the same, he was just naïve enough to believe that he could get away that one night without any trouble.

It was the day before Christmas Eve, and Rossi had generously decided to host a small get-together before everyone would be with their families for the holidays. As usual his place was beautiful, but even more so with all the twinkling lights and garland.

The team was shuffling around the kitchen, talking amongst themselves and drinking their drinks of choice, when Y/N appeared next to Spencer, a glass of champagne in hand.

And just like every time before, he felt his heart tug at his chest as he looked at her, so close to him he could smell her perfume and feel her warmth. She wore an emerald green dress that stopped below her knees, the sleeves long and the neckline plunging down to the top of her stomach in a deep V-shape. Four thin, glittery strips of silver attached the two sides of the V together, getting smaller as they went down. Her hair was worn up, a high pony tail that tumbled in curls down the back of her head, a few strands curled and framing the sides of her face. Her eyelids glittered red and her lips were sheer and shimmering.

She practically sparkled as she spoke to him, a beacon of elegance and beauty, and it took everything inside of Spencer to resist grabbing her face and kissing her in front of all their friends.

She finished her glass of champagne as he was telling her about his holiday plans, setting the glass on the table in front of her before a squeal—no doubt from Garcia—cut him off, mostly out of concern.

"What is it?" Y/N asked for him.

Morgan and Emily came strolling up to see what the commotion was about before they laughed and fist-bumped.

"What?" Spencer repeated, thoroughly confused.

Rossi came up to join, nodding as he raised his drink. "Ah, the magic of mistletoe."

"Look up," Garcia added, pointing to the ceiling above where Spencer and Y/N were standing.

Sure enough, mistletoe was hanging above them, and though he knew what that meant, his first instinct was to talk.

"You know, the Druids came to view mistletoe as a symbol of liveliness due to the fact that it could blossom even during wintertime. In hopes of restoring fertility they would administer it to humans, and even animals."

He refused to look at Y/N. He couldn't. He knew that the second he did, he'd give himself away, if he hadn't already before. And just as he was about to spit out more facts about mistletoe, he felt time slow down.

The words caught in his throat, dissipated, and replaced themselves with the smallest of whimpers. He hoped to God she wouldn’t hear it, for fear of giving himself away even further.

Instead he froze, completely shell-shocked when Y/N reached over, grabbed his face in her hands, and turned it to meet hers, taking no time at all to press her lips against his in a burning kiss. At least, that's how it felt for him.

He wasn't sure how she was feeling, but in that moment he could only think about how his entire being burned at her touch. And though she only kissed him for no longer than three seconds, keeping the entire thing short and sweet, the taste of her peppermint flavored lip gloss lingering on his lips, the way she looked at him, and the way she patted his cheek and the way she whispered, "There you go," before turning away and taking her empty glass with her... All of it was enough to make Spencer feel like he'd just experienced Heaven itself.

She was the actual human embodiment of Heaven, he was sure of it.

So by the time he'd recovered from his haze and found it in himself to breathe again, Spencer went back to pretending he wasn't phased, because after all he was in a room with all his friends who knew better, and the more he could keep pretending, the less he would be left to think about how Y/N had completely shaken him to his core.

But now it's the night before New Year's Eve, and he'd been thinking for days now how to deal with this. Because every time she'd looked at him since then, every time she'd say his name or playfully wink at him, it drove him mad. He closed his eyes and there she was, in all her shimmering, heavenly glory, taking up every thought, every ounce of being he had to offer. She owned him and she didn't even know it.

Or maybe she did.

There was one day, December 28th to be precise, when he swore she was messing with him, gauging his reaction. First of all, she'd worn a skirt to work, which she barely ever did, not to mention it was cold and snowy, and hardly the right weather to comfortably wear one, and a tight one at that. And Y/N seemed to be particularly and unusually clumsy that day, because she'd conveniently dropped her pen in front of Spencer's desk, or accidentally spilled water on her white shirt, exposing some of her bra. And every single time, She'd looked up to see him staring at her, as he'd never been able to resist doing.

The way she talked to him was different, too, her voice almost lullaby-like. And when she'd ask a question about something she clearly knew, she bit her lip immediately afterwards, her head tilted down and her eyes fluttered up, almost like she was embarrassed to ask for help.

By the end of the day Spencer was exhausted, not to mention still overwhelmed and completely burned by her presence. And it didn't help that everyone else around him knew what was happening. The teasing then was just as relentless as it had been the first week Y/N started working with them, made worse by the fact that she'd kissed him and left him absolutely ruined.

He had to do something, or he was sure he wouldn't survive.

***

Even though the team had just been together for Christmas, once again they all found themselves gathered around a fancy setting for New Year's.

This time Y/N decided she wanted to host, since none of the team have ever been to her house. In the three years since she'd worked with them, she figured it would be a good way to ring in the new year.

Her house wasn't as big or extravagant as Rossi's—no one's was, really—but she'd made do with what elegance she had to offer.

Even though everyone was bringing a small dish to eat, Y/N wanted to go all out. So, she decided to bake two pecan pies and a chocolate chip banana bread, all that culinary training throughout her first two years of college not entirely going to waste. She'd even made complimentary cupcakes for the team, each one flavored and decorated uniquely to each new friend she'd made from her time at the BAU, their names piped on every one with icing.

For Garcia, she made a vegan lemon blueberry cupcake frosted with a homemade vegan whipped cream, complete with a little glitter and 'penny' piped in pink.

For Derek, a peanut butter mocha cupcake with chocolate frosting and decorated with gold glitter and peanut butter chips, his name piped in white.

For Emily, a red velvet with vanilla buttercream and a ring of red and white marbled frosting around it, her name piped in red.

For JJ, a chocolate cupcake filled with raspberry coulis and topped with dark chocolate buttercream, silver pearls making a circle around the outside and her name piped in pink.

Hotch's cupcake was a chocolate with coconut frosting and 'Hotch' piped in vibrant blue, along with some swirled patterns around the edges.

Rossi's was her favorite to make, simply because it was so out of the box. It was a chocolate cupcake filled and topped with maple whipped cream, sprinkled with chopped up, caramelized bacon. She hoped he'd like it, but just in case it was too unconventional, she whipped up extra cupcakes of each. That way everyone could also try different ones if they wanted.

And that left Spencer.

The whole week leading up to the party, Y/N was concocting her recipes, trying to figure out which flavors everyone would like the best. She knew that Spencer would gladly take anything she'd given him, but after the Christmas party, she wanted to give him something to remember.

Truth be told, she wasn't even going to kiss him that night. She was more than happy to let him go on about mistletoe in an attempt to avoid what everyone else so desperately wanted them to do, but right before he finished his first fact, Emily glanced at Y/N and nodded her head, mouthing "do it".

And in a split second decision, she decided screw it.

And then she kissed him.

Though Y/N wasn't sure how he would feel before she did it, she could tell almost immediately when she did that he'd wanted something like that to happen for a while, because he practically whined against her mouth. She felt it more than heard it, it was so small, but there was no mistaking that it had happened, only confirmed by the fact that he slightly leaned into her once it was happening.

And then she pulled away, and she could have swore he tried to chase after her, not wanting it to end. But shock won over, because he opened his eyes and they were as wide as she'd ever seen them, his lips parted and shimmering faintly from where her lip gloss had transferred.

Y/N didn't want him to know that she could hardly breathe, seeing him like that, feeling him embrace her action, so she'd quickly brushed it off, patted his cheek and whispered, "There you go".

In hindsight, she wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say. All the things she could have told him in the moment, and "There you go" is what came out? Really?

So she picked up her empty glass as the team laughed and clapped, putting distance between everyone to get more champagne and compose the rapid beating of her heart.

She went home that night and thought about Spencer. Naturally. She tried not to think about the small part of her brain that said he was only shocked because it was unexpected and not because he wanted her. Instead, she tried to recall every interaction they'd had together, wondering how she could have missed the obvious.

There'd been countless times where Y/N had caught him staring at her, only for him to look away and pretend like he hadn't been... And to think, every time she just thought maybe she'd had something stuck in her teeth or a stain on her shirt. She just had to think something was wrong, when in fact, everything was perfectly fine.

So she decided that after everyone went back to work, she'd test it out.

One tight skirt and a few 'accidental' mishaps later, Y/N was sure.

And so, as she laid out the cupcakes on the table, Y/N put Spencer's in the middle. It was a vanilla bean cupcake, filled with peppermint whipped cream and crushed candy canes. The peppermint whipped cream was piped on the top as well, and she topped it off with a silver shine and his last name piped in red cursive lettering. On the outside you couldn't tell it was peppermint, but he'd sure taste it. And Y/N couldn't wait to see the look on his face when he did.

Everyone started to arrive shortly after Y/N finished getting dressed. She decided on a sleeveless black velvet dress with a high neckline that fit snugly around her throat. It was tight and ended just above the knee, accentuating just about everything. She put her hair up in the same high ponytail as the Christmas party, though rather than curled, it was straight. Her makeup was simple, a little silver eyeshadow, black eyeliner, and red lipstick.

She'd just put in the second hoop earring when her doorbell rang. Y/N slipped on her black heels by the front door and opened it to find almost everyone there.

"Y/N!" Garcia's exuberance was the first thing she heard, and then she hugged her.

"Hey, guys, welcome!" she exclaimed with a smile as everyone filed in through the door, hugging her as they went on by.

"Morgan and Reid are on their way," Rossi said, handing her a bottle of wine. Blackberry merlot, her favorite.

"Man, it smells great in here," Emily noted, setting her jacket on the hook behind the door.

"Yeah, I might have went a little overboard and made everyone their own cupcakes," Y/N said. "And banana bread... and two pecan pies."

"Cupcakes?" Garcia inquired, almost devilishly.

Everyone laughed, and Y/N led the way to the dining room, where she had everything set up. In front was everyone's cupcakes lined up in a row, behind them the banana bread and the two pies on either side of it.

"Y/N, these look incredible!" JJ complimented. Everyone else agreed in unison, and it warmed Y/N's heart.

"Thanks guys. I made a few of each just in case you weren't happy with your cupcake. But you're free to have them now if you want." So she handed everyone their assigned cupcakes, explaining each of their contents and seeing their faces light up, save for Reid and Morgan, who still had yet to arrive.

And as if on cue, the doorbell rang again, and Y/N's heart almost jumped out of her chest.

"I'll go bring these out to them," she said, grabbing the remaining cupcakes and leaving her friends to enjoy.

Derek was at the door first, smiling as charmingly as ever. "Hey, Miss Thing."

"Hey, yourself," she laughed, opening the door and stepping aside for him to walk through. She handed him his cupcake after he took his coat off, setting it beside everyone else's. "I made everyone complimentary cupcakes. This one's for you. Peanut butter chocolate mocha."

Morgan's eyebrows raised and he smiled, taking the cupcake. "You didn't."

Y/N laughed again, nodding as he took a bite. "You can head inside through there, everyone else is enjoying their own."

He pulled her in for a side hug and muttered a 'thank you' through a mouth full of cupcake, making her laugh harder, before he disappeared into the kitchen.

When Y/N turned around, Spencer was taking off his coat, a smile plastered on his face. "You made cupcakes?"

She tried not to fall apart when she looked at him, his eyes as kind as ever, that smile so intoxicatingly sweet and so incredibly him. She gave him a small once-over, admiring the look he'd gone for, which consisted of black dress pants, a long-sleeved navy button down with the first few buttons opened and a tie hanging loose and open around his neck, revealing some of his chest. He'd opted to leave his hair rather messy, which was more than okay with her. If she hadn't known any better she'd say he'd just woken up, but the style choices seemed deliberate. Regardless, Y/N knew that whatever he'd shown up in would have taken her breath away.

She nodded, trying not to take too long to look him over. She held out her hands, the cupcake sitting in between them both. "Yeah, I did. Here's yours."

"You're not gonna tell me what kind it is?"

She laughed. "You'll just have to eat it and see."

"Well, thank you. It's pretty... You're pretty. Y-you look nice."

Y/N saw him take a breath right before blinking and looking down at the cupcake, peeling the wrapper away, and she almost forgot to say, "Thank you."

But she did.

And then he took a bite of the cupcake.

***

As soon as it passed his lips, Spencer knew. He'd been tasting peppermint all week, and of course that had just been him remembering the taste of her lip gloss before, but now the taste was unmistakably there.

It was the frosting, only faintly peppermint, but just enough to be highlighted against the sweet vanilla of the cupcake. The two flavors in harmony were just as much Heaven as she was.

He would have moved forward and kissed her right then had ne not already had a plan.

So, instead he nodded with a smile, swallowing the bite he'd taken and stepping forward to be closer to her. "It's amazing. Thank you."

He looked down at her, and she looked back up at him, her eyes just as beautiful as they had been the night of the Christmas party.

"You're welcome," she replied softly, eyes drifting to his lips.

Spencer smiled at her before passing her and walking to the kitchen, leaving her behind.

Little did she know, he was practically buzzing from head to toe.

***

The night passed quickly, everyone laughing, having drinks, and happily eating.

It amused Y/N that the vanilla peppermint cupcakes ended up being everyone's favorite by the end of the night. The team had no idea the reasoning behind the specific flavor, and she almost had to wonder what they'd say if they did know.

Though, she wasn't sure it mattered. Because Spencer had pretty much ignored her all night. Of course he'd talked to her if they were brought up in conversation together, but he rarely even looked at her, and in the event that he did, it felt purely platonic and unlike every other time before.

Was he ignoring her on purpose? Did he secretly hate the stunt she pulled with the cupcake and decide to punish her for it? Or maybe, she'd merely imagined the chemistry in the first place. It had all been a figment of her imagination, something her mind made up to make up for the fact that she sucked at dating and hadn't had affection from a man in years.

That last one seemed bit of a stretch, but at this point Y/N didn't rule anything out.

Eventually she shifted her focus to having fun with her friends, this found family she'd been happily apart of for three years. It was her first time hosting a get-together at her house, and she was proud to share it with them. In an effort to prove just how much it meant, Y/N made a toast right before midnight. The TV was muted, and she'd unmute it when the ball was ready to drop.

Looking around at all her friends, Y/N smiled gratefully. "I want to start this off by saying how sorry I am that it took me this long to invite you all over to my house. But hopefully I made up for it with all the sweets." A small group of laughter filled the room for a moment before she continued. "And I know New Year's is supposed to be celebrated in hopes of being a better person and bettering yourself in the future, but... I know all of you, so... That's already been taken care of. I love you guys."

"Here, here!" Rossi announced, raising his drink. Everyone else followed suit, and after taking a sip, Y/N unmuted the TV. There was about a minute left until the ball would drop, and it would be a new year.

After filling up her drink one more time, Y/N stood in the back of the living room to take in all of her friends, chatting amongst themselves as they waited for the new year to ring in.

But someone was missing.

Just as she'd thought it, Spencer showed up beside her, and she turned to smile at him. "Hey."

"That was a nice speech," he said, setting his drink down on the table beside him.

You followed suit and nodded. "Thanks. It was kind of cheesy, but..."

"No, I... I think it was sweet."

Y/N wasn't sure what else to say, so she nodded, and looked back at the TV. There was about 20 seconds left, and everyone started counting.

She started counting with them, Spencer still at her side.

"19, 18, 17, 16..."

Before she even knew what was happening, Spencer's hand brushed out against hers. She thought it was an accident, but he'd been moving closer as the seconds rolled by.

But that couldn't be. Because she'd imagined everything before, so why wouldn't she imagine this, too?

"12, 11, 10, 9, 8..."

His heart was beating so fast in his chest, he could have sworn everyone around would be able to hear it. Time was running out, and he knew that he couldn't chicken out this time. Morgan had even spent all afternoon and the entire car ride here helping him figure out how to do it properly. And if he backed out then the teasing would be relentless.

"4, 3, 2, 1..."

The second Y/N finished chanting the final number, she felt a pair of hands grab her face.

And then Spencer's mouth was on hers, even better than it'd been before. Only this time, she kept him close to her when he tried to pull away. But he was happy to oblige, and they stayed like that, lips pressed together and hands caressing each others' faces. Maybe their friends were watching them, and maybe they weren't. It didn't matter. Nothing else mattered but that kiss.

Y/N pulled away first, though she kept her forehead pressed against his. She opened her eyes and saw him looking at her, everything falling into place.

"What was that for?" she asked softly, though she didn't actually care.

"Payback," was his answer, plain and simple.

She rolled her eyes lovingly and then pressed another small, sweet kiss to his lips before they broke apart completely, and then she laughed.

"What?" Spencer asked.

Y/N ran her tongue over her bottom lip before patting his cheek. "You taste like peppermint."