#who the fuck are you to define someone elses orientation for them

[dyketubbo]

lesbian related discourse tires me out sm. first it was aro/ace lesbians then it was nonbinary lesbians then it was he/him lesbians and it/its lesbians and now its bi/pan/mspec lesbians like when are all of you going to realize that the lesbian experience is extremely diverse and has never been as strict as "women who only identify as women who love exclusively women who only identify as women". like this goes for many identities but lesbians end up at the forefront a lot and it makes me wonder if any of you actually give a shit about queer history because istg lesbian separatism has been reinvented like 50 times in the past decade.

stop convincing each other that the queer experience is nothing but strictly defined boxes and labels that can always be condensed into one sentence. lesbians can experience a lack of sexual attraction and a lack of romantic attraction and lesbians can be nonbinary and lesbians can be gnc and when you actually go into what those last two mean you should realize that yes this means sometimes lesbians are men because genderfluid and bigender and trigender and transmasc and whatever gender lesbians exist and when you actually goes into what THAT means you should realize yes actually people combining labels like mspec and lesbian makes perfect sense because of fucking course orientation and gender and whatever else you consider to be apart of your queer experience is all fluid its all up to personal interpretation

its not shit like bi lesbians or mogai or aroace people or gnc people or "trenders" or it/its users or whatever fucking bonafide weirdos that are ruining the community its the people who want to sort everyone into neat little boxes because they cant handle that sometimes you arent going to understand other peoples experiences. its fine if mspec lesbians dont make sense to you. its fine if it doesnt make sense to you how someone could use it/its, if it doesnt make sense how a lesbian could consider himself transmasc, if it doesnt make sense how someone could seriously mean "my gender feels like a star", if whatever queer experience you run into doesnt make sense.

someone's identity does not have to make sense for you to respect them as a person and realize that exclusionary behavior is nothing but a crabs in a bucket type mentality. not only have "weird" queer people existed since fucking forever, but even if they didnt the human experience is diverse and we still dont know everything about the world and why the fuck would you decide that no actually if it cant be understood it must be bad and you need to find out reasons for it to be bad. focus on the people who are actively hurting others, taking advantage of vulnerable people, dont become one of them. dont become one of the people who scorns anything they dont understand and hurts innocent people in the quest of getting rid of anyone who they deem is abnormal. its fucked up and being any type of exclusionist is fucked up.

bi lesbians, as an overall community, is just a bunch of people who decided that a complicated label fits their complicated attraction and thats Fine. it is literally fine. being a lesbian was never about being strictly a woman who strictly loves other women who are strictly women. its about loving women in a gay/queer way, whatever that means for the individual. if an individual person is using it in a transphobic way, then thats a fault of the person, not the label. but at its core, all the identity is about is about recognizing that attraction is complicated and identity is complicated and not everyone is comfortable putting themself in neat boxes for other people to scrutinize until they Get It.

to any mspec lesbians (and hell, any mspec gays) who are reading this: im proud of you and theres nothing wrong with recognizing that your identity is complicated and maybe even contradictory. its Your experiences and no one has the right to say that youre inherently a bad person simply because they heard some strawman arguments and decided to believe in fallacy over reality. and because its probably obvious why im making this yeah maia arson crimew is literally fine its an absolute legend actually and i hope that its okay. fuck anyone who was a piece of shit to it because they cant handle someone being openly complicated and contradictory and unabashedly "Weird"

[prince-liest]

Hi! About your staticradio series (which is PHENOMENAL omg😍) - I know you said Vox is kinda falling in love while Al will remain aro. Which is awesome, we love to see rep! But I'm wondering if they will end up as QPPs (who fuck, lol)? Or it'll strictly be FWBs? Gah it's diffifult to describe it bc labels are so subjective and often too limiting, but I guess what I'm asking is whether they'll have an emotional relationship too, however it might look with their orientations? Will Al in particular have any soft feels for Vox & be fond of their unique bond? Even if Vox is in love with him when Al himself isn't? (I worry that would scare Al away😭) An intimate emotional closeness regardless of the specifics?

Thank you so much!! I've been enjoying writing it enormously so it always brings me a lot of joy that other folks are, too. >:D Just a heads up, this post has turned a little long because it got me talking about Alastor and the way he handles his feelings vs his ego in general.

First: I think the answer to this depends fully on how you personally define a queerplatonic partnership! I don't think Alastor would ever go for, like, a committed relationship with Vox in any form, but I also don't think that this would necessarily be a sad state of affairs for Vox, who I obviously write as poly as fuck with his toxic yaoi husband. Maybe it's because I'm aro af, but I feel like from Vox's end, "Yeah, I get to fuck around with the guy I'm obsessed with and he's not, like, nice, but I think I Stockholmed him into giving a shit about me!" is not actually a state of affairs he'd dislike! Especially since it's got that shiny "I'm special!" vibe in the sense that Nobody Else Gets To Get This Far With Alastor.

As for Alastor's side of things...

I think that so much of their dynamic dynamic isn't just set by Alastor being aroace, it's also set by him being a fucking sadist and a narcissist, HAHA. Like, he is very much in the middle of developing feelings about Vox, which (if my favorite interpretation of his little breakdown in the finale is correct) is also where his character arc is heading with regards to the hotel crew in canon, too, but his friendship-and-trust arc is slowburn as all hell and not entirely linear.

Part of the fun in writing Alastor is the process of qualifying all of his feelings with his sense of superiority in a way that is protective of his ego. He is freely and openly fond of people when that fondness doesn't expose any kind of emotional vulnerability in him. For example: He feels a condescending but genuine fondness for Niffty and Mimzy, whom he protects, and that's safe! He's quirky friends with Rosy, who is a benevolent semi-equal who uplifts his ego, and that's safe! He... may or may not have started caring enough about the hotel crew to have put himself at risk for them, and that is not only dangerous to his physical well-being but also massively humiliating, which is arguably worse to someone like Alastor.

He has SO many ego-prioritizing defense mechanisms and it's fun for me to pay attention to because I, too, am someone whose cardinal sin is probably pride. Anything is permissible only as long as it can be framed in a way that doesn't insult his ego.

Anyway, the point is: I don't think "soft feels and fondness for their unique bond" is on the list of ways that Alastor is able to find himself feeling about someone like Vox. The whole reason their whole situation in 666: Live on Air! started is thanks to Alastor's awareness and amusement at how obsessed Vox is with him. He sees himself as above Vox, and knowing that Vox is more emotionally invested than he is is part of the appeal. It's just gone from (derogatory) to (fond). (Which is, guess what? Safe!)

(It also means realizing that Vox is falling madly in love or whatever just nets a reaction somewhere in the region of, "Wait, is that significantly different from what you were already doing?", lol, because the only thing that's changed is the flavor of feeling, not the level of exposed emotional underbelly that he thinks Vox is showing him.)

TL;DR: He likes Vox like a cat likes a favorite mouse.

[faggy--butch]

Really confused by your "lesbian trans men" post. The way I think of "lesbian", it's not a term of identity signification, it's a term for a specific type of sexual orientation and relationship.

It doesn't make sense that someone can be a "lesbian trans man" to me, because they are a trans man first, that is their identity. And because of that identity of being male, they are disqualified from being in a lesbian relationship, because a lesbian relationship is specifically female/female.

I'm not a terf, fuck terfs. A trans woman and a cis woman in a relationship are still lesbians. I'm just confused how a trans man can be a lesbian if he's not a woman. If the trans man is attracted to women, wouldn't that make him heterosexual, therefore straight? I'd understand if he was genderfluid, then he would swap back and forth from straight to lesbian depending on which gender he/she is.

The way I look at it, there are two "categories" of being queer. Identity and orientation. Identity comes first, it's what you are. Orientation comes second, it's what you're into. Identity is stuff like being cis, trans, genderfluid, etc. Orientation is stuff like being straight, gay, bi, ace, etc. And in my mind those two categories are completely separate, except where the orientation category depends on the larger identity category, such as "lesbian" being an orientation applicable to women into women, not applicable to men, trans or otherwise.

Please, educate me if I'm completely wrong in thinking about queerness this way, and why.

Well, I think your first mistake was trying to categorize queerness. Queerness by definition defies the boxes that get put on gender and sexuality. That's part of why a lot of people like calling themselves and the community queer, it's all encompassing. I also take issue with sexuality 'only' being an orientation. I certain identify as a lesbian, my sexual identity is just as important to me as my gender identity. I don't just "like girls" which what orientation is. I'm a lesbian, a dyke, it's a part of who i am. it's the way i define myself along with being butch, and to some people their sexual identity can be even more important than their gender one. To some people their gender identity is in fact lesbian.

You have to get it out of your mind that if something doesn't make sense, that it's wrong. It's not for anyone to tell a person what they can or can't identify as, or if they're misgendering themselves or whatever. I mean go to the HER app and you'll figure out quick that there are trans men in lesbian spaces, identifying as lesbians, there always have been.

Trying to fit trans people into the cishetro view of the world is not only never going to work, but it also actively hurts us. It's saying that we HAVE to be like them, we have to emulate our experiences off of the "real" genders and sexualities of white cishet people. that we have to match or we're doing it wrong, that it's not real until we're like them. As a non binary person i reject that entirely. I don't want people to tell me what they think I am, and I'm not going to do it to anyone else. I think everyone would benefit from learning about multigender, multisexual, and the split attraction model, and like talking to intersex people.

[oscconfessions]

Sigh... I'm gonna add my two cents about the Balloon arospec drama(I'm AroAce BTW) and by my two cents I mean I'll mention it two times and just talk about something else related. I'll also be providing some knowledge about AroAceness and all that.

For those of you who don't know,

Aro: Aromantic - Little to no romantic attraction.

Ace: Asexual - Little to no sexual attraction.

Aro+Ace are spectrums and aren't just "every Aro person doesn't feel any kind of romantic attraction" or "every Ace person can't feel sexual attraction." I feel as tbough people forget that all the time so I wanted to remind you lot haha.

I'm noticed this kind of drama a few times, where people argue about a character on where they are on the AroAce spectrum. It's difficult for me to put what I think into words here, but if a character(either canon AroAce or not) doesn't have a canon placement on the spectrum then whatever, go wild.

To help with my previous statement, I'll use SakiK from... SaikiK. People generally agree he's AroAce, yet people argue about where he is on that spectrum(mainly the Aromantic part). Since it's not ever stated where he is on that spectrum(or even if he is AroAce but SHHHSHSHHSH 🤫🤫), everyone has their own interpretation of it.

I believe it should be the same for Balloon, unless Balloon comes on screen and says "I am *insert very specific thing here* " as he points to a picture of the Aro spectrum then its to to you. Obviously, don't make him a sex crazed fiend or constantly searching for love, you eejit, but it should be up to interpretation.

A little off-topic here, sorry, but I wanted to bring up umbrella terms in both the Aro and Ace spectrums(I'm included ace because eh why not! This is for my people who HC Balloon as Aro AND Ace 🙏🙏)

Here are some terms under both the aro and ace spectrums. I feel as though you guys and many, MANY others tend to forget that there are umberlla terms for AroAce. I'll define them below:

Ace umbrella:

Aceflux: someone whose sexual orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the asexual spectrum

Greysexual: only experience sexual attraction some of the time, and sometimes not at all.

Demisexual: An individual who does not experience sexual attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.

Aro umbrella:

Aroflux: someone whose romantic orientation fluctuates but generally stays on the aromantic spectrum

Greyromantic: Some may feel a strong emotional connection with others but do not desire romantic relationships, while others may feel a weak romantic attraction to some people but not all.

Demiromantic: An individual who does not experience romantic attraction until after a close emotional bond has been formed.

Now, there are MANY more, feel free to add in the replies or the reblogs (o: !

Also, my apologies that this post was very long! Also also, my personal opinion on Balloons arospec thing? Idfk, lmao. TBH, this was kinda an excuse to just talk about stuff I like and am interested in so... 👍I've seen the tweet where one of the people who worked on II said yes, Balloon is meant to be Aro, but I couldn't tell you if they went into specifics about it. Sorry for constantly saying AroAce instead of just aro for Balloon, I felt like it was still important to include all my asexuals out there and educate others about it.

(BTW! Any inaccurate info, PLEASE, PLEASE correct in the replies)

Anyway!

TL;DR:

If a character who is just stated to be AroAce(not demi, grey, flux ETC) and never has their place on the spectrum explained whatsoever, it's okay to have a little fun experimenting with it IYKWIM. As I've stated, we all have our own interpretation of the AroAce character and there's no point arguing about it and getting mad because that's fucking stupid, unless they start actively getting rid of the AroAce rep then burn them to the stakes! /j

I know how wild you mother fuckers can be, so don't shank me please. If you disagree, take a deep breath and remain calm because getting all pissy about this isn't gonna do shit. Try to go about it calmly and reasonably. <3

I'd love to see others' opinions on this, remember to be respectful! 🩵

.

[redtail-lol]

i just found your blog through your post about the validity of hyperlabelers and as an unlabeled/someone with limited labels i say hello labels are so unneccessary. to me. not to you. and thats okay. YOU collect the labels and YOU can keep collecting the labels because you can. and everyone else can shut the fuck up about it because your labels are YOUR labels. YOU can never have too many labels protecting you from the gatekeepers. stay safe and goodbye

You are so real for this anon. Being unlabeled can be a huge comfort for some people and collecting is a huge comfort for me. It's a very fun hobby too. And I feel like most actually unlabeled people fully understand this point, and don't try and make fun of people with too many labels. It's mostly those with only a few labels (esp fucking monoallocishets my sister is the worst about it she talks shit about people with 50 labels and is mad about me apparently being obsessed with labels when she only knows about 5 of them, she has no idea I'm a proud owner of 200+ and its still too much for her to handle) who throw fits about the weird queers and our many labels.

Personal theory monoallocishets are the worst because they're assumed to be monosexual, monogendered, monogamous, allosexual, alloromantic, cisgender, heterosexual, and heteromantic, so they don't ever have to put thought into who they are. They're not unlabeled because they don't reject labels, they just don't have to have an identity journey because they're "normal."

Label collector and unlabeled solidarity forever. We're both breaking what is 'normal' for labels by having too many or too few for others. We don't have a conflict of interest, but we do have a common enemy (people who will expect everyone to choose one gender, one orientation, one amorous orientation, and few aspec terms.) You are incredibly valid for choosing to define yourself without regards to attraction, gender, or amory, and not slap a sticker on it, just as I am valid for putting so many stickers all you can see are the stickers. Nothing beneath. I think unlabeled people and their attitudes on identity are so cool. I think label cops suck.

[anendoandfriendo]

Seriously though people do not know what it is like to be Autistic.

As in, it IS fun and cute and quirky for us. It also means we're working two jobs at once and are constantly at our fucking limit for anything that isn't strictly being in our bed fucking around with our stuff. A neighbor knocked on our door just now and gave us FOOD! For FREE! The fruit is going to rot in the next few weeks if he doesn't give it away because he has so much of it! And this one interaction basically has made it so we went back and promptly sat down on our bed again in exhaustion, after doing a people-oriented job in product support, and we never never get a day off because our "day off" work working fucking retail at walmart. We do not get enough hours recover much less enough days and it will start causing actual physical fatigue no matter how much we like our job.

Now, like. If we successfully survive our promotion then we can just quit walmart and we won't have to worry about that, but like ????????

Nobody talks about Autistics who don't mask, never did mask, and never felt the desire to mask but they still could mask. Like. People talk about it like it's a privilege but it's more like a double-edged sword. It's fucking stupid to us, pardon the ableist language there — but it's like everyone fucking assumes that masking one's autism is a fundamental part of the Autistic experience. And that is bullshit not because we are trying to dismiss something that has obviously, very tragically, touched so many Autistic people, but it's just assumed by default that masking 100% of the time is a thing everyone who is Autistic does, and if they do not, it's because the do not know how. That's simply not true because for as long as there is an Autistic person alive that is not like that, and does not fit that narrative, it is not a universal experience.

Welp, good thing we are several of those in a trenchcoat!!!

No, like, what we do as hardline no-mask Autistics is use our massive fucking energy reservoirs to go on and on for months and months before we have a full fucking breakdown. We actually would not be surprised if the present-day folks who we say are just "quirky" were literally just the same iteration of this post about autsitic boomer optics by @echofromtheabyss but we all ignore that it still happens because, like, everyone assumes everything that is about identity is either:

Medical

Medical but sure I'll go with your spirituality for funsies

Spirituality

From trauma

Secretly from trauma but I'll go with your theory for funsies

No matter which category it is, it is always officially-sanctioned by whatever hell government you currently belong to and MUST have an explanation that is rooted in pain, or suffering, strict categories of function and dysfunction to the point we reinvented (in our personal opinions) the same LF/HF labels but decided to call them support labels instead of just. Stating what the individuals need.

And not like, we dunno, maybe there isn't always something to medicalize here 100% of the time, and maybe we're really off the ball here but we REALLY need to reclaim the idea of non-disordered autism back from those asshole aspie supremacists. Like. Stop letting them ruin everything! Just because our issue is no social supports does not negate that some Autistic people will always need caregivers 24 hours of the day does not negate someone whose main problem is wandering off randomly/elopement does not negate the Autistic who is usually perfectly fine but actually does have the communication issues defined in the disorder in the DSM does not negate the savant dies not negate the manic pixie girl like — how did we all learn this for everything else but not for neurotypes?

Like, the past was shit for Autistic people but so is the present and we think that like, our generation was onto something but so were other generations even if the words did not exist yet.

Wdk, we know a lotta this is more loosely structured than we would personally like as well but HOPEFULLY something about our point will make sense to SOMEONE.

We're really just sick of "autism isn't just a cute and quirky thing!!!" okay and...so what if it was. So what. We were confirmed as autistic when we were two and we are telling you so what. We just. We have a very hard time caring because we sincerely believe cute/quirky girls and somewhat isolated strange boys who are quiet and slowish but very very smart and highly sensitive people are often what you get when autism is non-disordered.

We don't. We don't know what else to say. There is an in-between or blurring of the lines here that everyone is missing the same way there is an in-between or blurring of the lines when it comes to guesses on why plurality and/or multiplicity exist and the same way there is an in-between or blurring of the lines when we talk about the queer community. If we tried to summarize more than that it wouldn't be doing this justice because the point here is to ultimately expand our (Rusanya, us, not necessarily Random Tumblr User ImAnAsshole69420 who happens to be reading this post) idea of autism we guess. Or to at least synthesize something we've been thinking about for years in a somewhat more clear fashion than we have before.

[genderqueerpositivity]

Reading up on the faq and specifically asexuality posts from that blog... was infuriating. I could go on a rant about more details of their conviction and other shitty things, but. Just. How dare they?? It's incredibly invalidating that they claim I just straight up can't exist either. They have their stupid stubborn "a*sexual* = no (overall??) attraction" definition, mudding different forms of attraction whose distinctions are important to many who identify with the label, though yes not all, and gatekeeping people who feel on only one form (no acknowledging aros or the term aroace or aspec)/partly/specifically and refusing to distinguish between attraction/practice. I am bi, I'm very much attracted to more than one gender, and I'm ace, which I'm incredibly aware of. But because I'm bi they say I have no right to ID as ace too? That doing so is "harmful and wrong" because it "invalidates asexuality as its own identity" (it does not) + "split attraction model sexualizes the other IDs" (no??)??? That I'm not ace? And if I'm ace I can't be bi too? FUCK them. They're also conflating so many stupid attitudes of individuals into things, and just their grasps on these concepts are UGH.

You--you get it. Thanks for being like the only the second person who understands why I was so angry.

The arrogance of trying to erase or define another person's sexual orientation is something I will never understand. Just imagine legitimately feeling like an authority on someone else's sexuality. I can't do it. It's incredibly disrespectful.

Of course you can be bi and ace at the same time, that's up to you to determine! You know yourself best and if you say that you are bi and ace, then you are and I will respect that. That's basic human decency here folks.

Identifying with both terms and both experiences of sexuality is NOT harmful to either community. That person is an ignorant fuckhead, block them and continue being your badass bi ace self. 💜 (Purple heart emoji)

[spartanxhunterx]

I'm curious, you're from the UK right? What are Chavs and Roadman? Like I see it often in tiktok but have no idea what it meant

Roadman? I’ve no idea, not heard that one before

However! Chavs is one I do know.

Think of it as like in the same vein as Fuckboy. A chav can usually be defined by being a mid-oldish teen who acts like a gangster and talks like “an’t that lit bruv.” “Swag” “oi that’s a bangers thinking mate.”

They also wear very loose clothing, like, trouser waist around their ankles loose. With backwards brimmed hats and similar clothing.

But it’s not restricted to just that. They’re the type to blow cigarette smoke in your face, are often sexist, homophobic and almost always consist of CisHet boys.

Most are sports oriented to the point of believing they’re the “king” of all sports.

The first time I heard the word was in 2013, and it was used by people my age to describe other people my age.

If I were to walk down the street and see a group of boys shouting loudly, smoking and wearing trashy clothes I’d think to myself “what a bunch of Chavs.”

It was, and still is, derogatory. An insult. Never used lightly.

However, meaning of words change and I cannot speak for how tiktok users use the word, today, they might be meaning something else by this point. They may be using it for it’s original meaning.

This is the one I know of, have used and will use. If you ever see a Chav, avoid and don’t make eye contact, they are as rabid as animals and by moving in groups they can and will attack anyone who looks at them wrong.

Groups often think they’re a street gang but would get their backs folded by real fighters.

9/10 times Chavs will not mature and will keep their shitty behaviour long into adulthood. They’re the type of “adult” to bail after getting someone pregnant and are probably responsible for a good portion of teen pregnancies that happen when they’re in school.

Sometimes with other people 2 or 3 years younger then them. They’re the ones that brag about “fucking 5 girls over the weekend and THEN fucking their girlfriend.”

When in reality they don’t have a girlfriend and they didn’t fuck anyone.

TLDR: Chav is a derogatory term for British Fuckboy losers who think they’re hot shit.

[obscenity]

szpd question anon again (i should really start signing off... it's way more convenient than always saying 'THIS PARTICULAR ANON' or 'it's me'. hmm... i'll add it to the end of this ask when i think of one)

the first paragraph within your answer is very relatable, thank you for informing me!

would you say your orientation is influenced by being schizoid? because, as an example, i would say it does for me. i consider myself aroace (although i've seen being on the aspec is very common for schizoids), and i thought i was cupio towards a specific gender, but then i realized it makes way more sense to explain it through means of a lack of intimacy initiation that is compensated with imagination related to any desired relationships instead. like i wouldn't act on my desires but i can still tell what i want because of that.

additionally, what are your thoughts on responsibilities, standards or obligations that people set on you? i find that it is a LOT easier for me to define and identify myself when i make up the standards on my own. when other people do it, however..... no <3 Do Not. if you get what i mean, pffff ☆

i also feel pressured when they do it, because that implies i have to abide by their standards, and if anything is wrong i wouldn't know what to do. that makes it very confusing for me. i think it has also played a part in figuring out szpd in relation to me, because in order to be a schizoid you have to figure out whether you relate to specific descriptions and experiences that you don't make up yourself, and if you don't understand anything, you may be unsure, or it can be unclear (though then again i am also autistic so unclear info is #**##*@((@??!??? for me. put the vagueness away, please /not at you)

i figure that is all (my ask is also getting long again), signoff here ; ⛧ i will probably add it at the beginning of my ask if i send another one, for the ease.

hiiii again. for my sexual orientation, nope! im bisexual through and through and feel preeeeetty confident in that. im of course not going to go into specifics regarding my sex or dating life but what i will say is that no, im not very interested in it. it always sounds soo good in my head and then i pursue someone and its like "Wait hold on this fucking sucks". sometimes i go on tinder and lead men on and then ghost them when they start asking for more from me. which is so funny to me its such a schizoid thing to do. i enjoy the funny conversations i have from people who know nothing about me and get to start something with someone who has zero preconceptions towards me but as soon as people want to get intimate with me or know more im gone.

your next question is a biiit difficult for me. mostly because my parents, mainly, never really put too much pressure on me. or at the very least they gave up years ago. so now the only real standards im fighting against are my own. (i have 4 virgo in my chart but thats a tangent for another day. also made me realize i rely a lot on astrology/personality tests to tell me who i am) which yeah thats basically what youre saying. id much rather abide by my own incredibly high standards instead of someone else's regular standards. but even in a less serious sense yeah i do viciously fight back when people try to tell me im something im not. or when people try to place feelings on me that i dont want. i hate when i tell anyone something mildly disappointing or annoying to me or even something i consider neutral and they start with the "oh no, im so sorry :(" like i know its just common courtesy but Huh. i didnt say i was sad about it? why are you sorry? and yeah, for your last paragraph i get it. i dont like being told what i am or what im not, so trying to fit yourself into categories of "symptoms" can be very annoying. i just had to try very very hard to look at it from an objective point of view instead of thinking it as something that was trying to box me in. also i totally get the thing about being unsure about rules and whatnot. i have adhd and i allllways feel so much better when guidelines/etc are laid out orderly and clearly.

[leam1983]

On Parasocials

I might be bi, I sometimes am completely unaware of the greater subsets of gay discourse, especially on the after-hours Messenger channels. A gay colleague is up in arms about Taylor Swift potentially not being queer and acts like this is a dereliction of duty coming from someone who's singularly responsible for 99.9% of queer identities you could interact with.

And I just - want to toss my keyboard across the room and defenestrate myself from the condo. You absolute young fuckers; if you need validation from a Pop Music starlet to have the impression that your sexual orientation is valid, you have some fucking issues to go through. Be queer because you genuinely feel you are queer, not because being pigeonholed with some singer or another strikes you as being somehow foundational.

Christ on a crutch, Quebec is jam-packed with female singers that claimed some aspect of queerness in the past, and one of them settling with an opposite-sex partner after a few years didn't force me to re-evaluate my entire existence! What am I, some proxy for someone else's fucking life, or my own independent person?!

I get that this is coming from kids fresh out of their teens, for the most part, but Swift having possibly been hetero all this time is in no way, shape or form comparable to your being annihilated at the atomic level and then somehow forcefully remade, molecule by molecule.

There's only one question you should ask yourselves: Am I still queer?

If the answer is yes, then them's the breaks. Swift growing horns and breathing fire won't ever invalidate that.

Compounding this is the fact that for some of you, the Queer Identity as a concept has seemingly overtaken all other aspects of human social dynamics, to the extent that hearing that someone of the female gender has female friends makes you think "Oh, so she's gay".

I'm a man. I have friends of the male gender and friends of the female gender. I am queer and polyamorous because the persons I fell for are respectively female and male. My previous experiences began with awkward hetero attempts and one solid gay relationship defining the tail end of my collegiate years. I now have two concurrent partners and we live and work with each other full-time. One is female, the other one is male.

What defines my sexuality is what and whom I express sexual interest towards. Having friends of the same gender is in no way, shape or form a valid litmus test.

I'm reminded of my previous partner's stories about the "gaydar" going from something you joshed around about in-between gays to some institutionalized ESP-like sixth sense you were somehow supposed to have as someone attracted to the same sex, the same way Pop Culture goes from fans playfully iterating on canonical concepts to somehow ending up with rigidly carved niches and wildly disproportionate levels of affective engagement.

The short of it is some of you - some of us queers - need to touch grass.

[aikoiya]

I hope you stub your toe on every bit of furniture for the rest of your life. I hope you can never quite find what you need. I hope you find a personality that goes beyond fascism, white supremacy, homophobia and transphobia, and maybe that way you'll find enough people to befriend so that you can realize how dreadful you are. Best of luck! <3

Wow, how very brave of you to "call me out" like this while anonymous.

Also, fascism is defined as "a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism."

This doesn't work because I'm very pro freedom of speech. If anything, cancelling people is a fascist concept. Not to mention the desire for a stronger centralized gonvernment. I want minimal government interference.

White supremacy is defined as "the belief, theory, or doctrine that white people are inherently superior to people from all other racial and ethnic groups, especially Black people, and are therefore rightfully the dominant group in any society."

Again, incorrect because I want everyone to be treated as equals, but from the way the anti white supremist agenda seems to be going, they won't stop until we are the very bottom of the barrel & that goes directly against the idea of equality.

Homophobia is "an aversion or hostility to, disdain for, or fear of gay sexual orientation or gay people."

I hold very little hostility towards gay people as I largely don't care. Sure, I don't agree with their choices in lovers, but so long as they treat me with respect, then I will respect them right back.

And transphobia is "an aversion or hostility to, disdain for, or fear of transgender people."

Same with homophobia, if transpeople treat me with respect & I will treat them with respect.

My problem with trans ideology is the insistence that younger & younger people should be allowed to transition. It'd be one thing if it were 18 & up they were reaching out to, because by that point, you're old enough to make your own decisions. But I've seen leftists mention lowering the age restriction to fucking 3! That, I can't forgive.

I mean, 3 year olds can barely freaking speak!

All I'm saying is, if a child isn't old enough to have sex or drink or drive or be drafted, then they sure as heck aren't old enough to make such a lifechanging decision for themselves.

Quit virtue signalling with your kids!

It's one thing if you decide to choose this lifestyle for yourself, but quit trying to indoctrinate children.

The sharp uptick in transchildren in recent years only further proves that this is a concerted effort on someone's part to castrate our children.

I have no problem with those transpeople who just want to live their lives & be left alone & who genuinely feel that their lives are better for having transitioned. Good on them. It's their life, they can live it however they want so long as they don't harm anyone else, infringe upon another person's rights, or break the law.

It's when people try to encourage children to transition just because the kid either feeling unsure about their gender or because they don't emulate the perfect picture of their sex. That's just being a kid. It's a phase! Kids don't know what they wanna be! Also, years ago, a girl doing boy things was called being a tomboy! That has nothing to do with being trans!

Those who take advantage of children's naivete to further their own agenda are monsters.

I feel like this sudden uptick in transchildren is due to eugenics & population control. After all, if these children get bottom surgery, they'll never be able to have kids unless their parents had the forthought to have their sperm or eggs frozen.

That's a lot of children who'll grow up being unable to pass on their genetics. A lot of people now not able to have kids.

Anyway, I hope you open your eyes to the truth.

[secondwhisper]

So, I’ve been thinking about that “There’s nothing straight about a man’s attraction to nonbinary people!” post that was going around a lot a few weeks ago. I know I talked to a mutual or two about why it bugs me. Here’s a better, longer explanation.

Any time we talk about identity, we have to remember two major things. 1. Every identity descriptor has leeway in it. No one person’s experiences and perspectives and feelings perfectly mirror another’s -- we group ourselves together under words we created by going “hey that’s close enough, I feel community with you.” And that’s good. and 2. People have the right to describe their own identities, with the language they know and take comfort in, rather than have any descriptor thrust upon them (or even assumed) by another person.

So, those shouldn’t be controversial statements. I’ve seen them pop up a lot recently in “they/them lesbian” and “bi means more than two” and “are aces/aros really just cis/hets” and “queer isn’t a community word” discourse. Most people recognize that others are allowed to define their own identities with language they find comfortable, and those identities’ labels may not have very distinct lines. Whatever side you’re on in each of these (though I’m rather opinionated and believe there’s a clearly correct side, ngl), you should recognize people’s right to autonomy, and you should recognize that your experiences and perspectives are not universal.

So let’s go back to that post. “There’s nothing straight about a man’s attraction to nonbinary people.” Give straight people the same grace you give LG people, especially when it comes to t/nb/gq identities, where cis people often universally suck. If you acknowledge that a lesbian can happily date a feminine nonbinary person, if you acknowledge that a gay man can happily date a genderfluid person, you should be able to acknowledge that a straight man can happily date a feminine genderqueer person. There’s nothing more inherently nb-inclusive about a lesbian identity or a gay identity than a straight one. Absolutely nothing.

The last, most important thing to note, is that you don’t have a right to pry. You don’t have a right to demand nb/gq people explain why they’re willing to date someone whose identity doesn’t, on the surface, include nb/gq people. You don’t have a right to assume the (potential) partner in question is misgendering the nb/gq person. You don’t get to ask why the (potential) partner is more comfortable calling themself lesbian/gay/straight than bi/pan/mspec. The people in this relationship have already had this discussion, without you, both within themselves before dating anyone, and between each other (if and likely before they begin to date).

People who choose to ID as lesbian can be attracted to nb/gq people. People who choose to ID as gay can be attracted to nb/gq people. People who choose to ID as straight can be attracted to nb/gq people. This invalidates neither person’s identity or orientation.

[everythingthemoontouches]

Hey could you do these:

Rising: Sagittarius

Sun: Leo

Moon: Leo

Mercury: Cancer

Venus: Virgo

Mars: Scorpio

Hey love

That's such a cool user name ❣️😎 like a trippy flower

I can't keep calm cuz my soul is on fire in the best possible way 😎❣️

Sagittarius Rising

I adore them. They're usually generous. Come across smart, sharp and bright. My go to people for advice. Counseling. The friend who always has a shoulder for people to cry on. With a Capricorn second house they usually have strong morals they adhere to. Could have a sharp jaw line. Good teeth unless saturn is debilitated. Probably went to an unconventional school. Or was known for their crazy ideas, helping out in the neighborhood. Creative home life or may have had some early experiences with a family members alcoholism or addiction issues. With positive expressions of a Pisces 4th house, you probably grew up in a crib where you felt so understood without even needing to voice out your concerns. All the Pisces people I've met had very good understanding of other people's emotions and how to manipulate a room usually for good but if this is afflicted it can make for something quite nasty.

Virgo 10th house : there's no escaping the need to be methodical, organized and service oriented in professional spheres.

Gemini 7th house ✨

You attract entrepreneurial people usually with a sharp mind who love to explore the city and make memories. They're usually well read or can hold a communication on a variety of subjects. Someone who makes you laugh. As someone with a jupiter ruled rising sign you may find these mercurial types to be a bit too business minded and calculative initially - try not to be too harsh on them and see where they're coming from... Money makes the world work and there's no shame in wanting to make some if it's not at the cost of actively harming someone else. In sanskrit class I learned that butchers are not held guilty for killing animals because it's something they do out of need - to feed their family. It's kinda unfair to judge someone for what they do in order to survive? (idk why I went into this sermon)

Leo : 9th☀️🏝️house

Very Regal air. The sun's 5th aspect on your ascendant gives you a positive authoritative air which makes it very easy for people, strangers even to trust you with responsibility.

My ideas and family's values define me. I believe strongly in righteousness and I feel super responsible for things.

You're probably someone who has a fixed way of doing things. Religion and spirituality could be things you enjoy. I can also see you as the bright immigrant student. Someone who does well in a foreign land. the university you go to abroad could be super proud of you for how you shine.

Oh, and with your moon in the same house? This adoration, discourse, and discussion with people from other cultures is something you positively thrive on. I've seen people with 9th house moon placements actively name their social handles about travel, culture or exploring things. (mine included)

Learn a language. Learn about culture. Explore as much as you can. If you're ever feeling low - find a nice place to rent even at a 3 hours drive from your city and see how refreshed you feel when you come back. Travel is fucking important for 9th house people. When I physically can't go on a trip, I like to play travelogue videos on my TV /YouTube.

You could also feel like royalty in foreign lands. Travel solo and you'll see.

With your sun moon conjunction - I feel like you're someone who is super confident and feels whole on their own. There could be bouts of I'm the best - and I'm not good enough but you usually pull through and come out looking like a million bucks. Sometimes this sassy confidence can come off as arrogance - but with your mutable ascendant you do have the ability to adapt and tweak the fiery exuberance

Do you hear tone it down quite often?

8th house Cancer Mercury

Wow. This could be a very intuitive and psychic placement. If you have a sister they probably enjoy going away on trips without telling anyone where they went.

You could be an excellent negotiator - you hold your cards close to the chest and uncoil other people's secrets stealing them from their chest.

With your speech you could trigger people's deepest fears and insecurities.

Side note : Sometimes our Mars sign can be the venus sign of those we draw in. So a lot of people with Scorpio like traits could be super attracted to you.people could get posessive and territorial over you real quick. You look at my babe funny vibes.

You're usually polite but if you get mad at someone? Well you could trash talk them and throw all their darkest secrets and fears out in the open.

Family secrets. Starting a venture with a mom or maternal figure. Caretaker if other people'soney. Could work as a stockbroker or hedge fund manager. Specially with your virgo midheaven. Unless numbers make your head hurt.

No. I feel like you could be good at audits and investigation. Uncovering details. You have a knack for feeling out things. Even when the facts try to misdirect you. You could be someone who just feels that things aren't right when there's some shady business going on.

12th house Scorpio Mars

Hmm. I mean Mars is super powerful in Scorpio. Sensual. Intuitive. Comfortable taking risks. But with yours being in the 12th house? You hate telling people about what you're gonna do. You wanna be able to do your thing without much interference from other people. As a 12th house Mars native how you act around other people could be vastly different from what you sit, talk, walk act when you're by yourself.

Intensely private. So on the surface you've got all this fire, charm, passion, energy and happy energy but you're essentially a duck paddling away furiously under the surface.

I have so much darkness inside me, but it's usually contained. You could be someone who hates being vulnerable. A connoisseur of secrets. You could pick up negative vibes and ill will quite easily.

Acting on gut instinct due to the Mars mercury aspect.

Could have a lot of bias and operate from that place of subconscious bias. Examine your fears. Your traumas, past hurts, betrayal as and see if you're still acting from a hurt place.

🌷Now let's talk about Venus IN virgo🌷

This is such a beautiful placement but it could also drive you super mad cuz other peole don't live up to your ideals of live and don't do enough. As a giver it's so very important to have limits because the takers have no shame. Learn to receiveeeee. If you're so outwardly in the care taking and I can fix things energy you could continue to draw in someone who needs a therapist or savior. While this dynamic is romanticized in films - you know who it's not gonna be fun for? You.

Take care of you. Know that you're someone who loves selflessly and has a practical bend of mind. It's okay tohave high standards. Vet carefully. People with virgo venus tend to draw in a bunch of virgo sun, Mars Natives.

Your idea of fancy clothes could be chic like Amal Clooney's - basically work party kinda dressy attire.

Virgo is depicted as a woman separating wheat from chaff. That's basically how you filter out your suitors - I just wanna stop by and say that there's no rush to have sex and don't let your peers pressure you into giving it up.virgo is super discerning about who they let in and it's paky to want to be sure of who you're with ❣️

They're the virgo archetype cuz they crave a divine, loving relationship. Maintain your standards but also keep in mind that true love can show up in completely unexpected forms.

Also, with your Leo moon you need a partner who is very very expressive of their affection, and adoration of you and virgo dominants are usually more practical than that. Someone who showers you with gifts and praise. Words of affirmation a d physical touch could be very very important for you. So just having someone who takes care of your needs silently is not gonna cut it.

[notsogoodangel]

“Dream SMP is the new Homestuck”- literally everyone old enough to remember Homestuck and is still in fandom communities.

Anyway, some explanations as to I chose the class I did under the cut

Purpled: Knight of Heart

“Those bound to the aspect of Heart are very concerned with their favorite subject: themselves. It wouldn't be a stretch to call them 'self-obsessed', but not necessarily in a negative way. They simply want to understand the one thing we all are stuck with for our entire lives, i.e. our own minds. Forging an identity is extremely important to the Heart-bound, and every decision and action goes toward building a coherent narrative of their own story.” (The Extended Zodiac) This sounds very Purpled when you consider he has always being alone, even when he wanted to make friends. He DEEPLY understands what he is good at and that has shaped and created his own narrative: he is an excellent PVP fighter, and nothing else. He is proud of that fact and doesn't hide it at all. Heart is essentially "soul"/what is inside of you, and he has found what is inside him and what makes him him. 

As for the knight part “The Knight could be defined as one who serves [aspect] or one who serves through [aspect] for the betterment of others”. This combination of elements essentially creates a true knight "I offer myself for my own betterment and the betterment of others" with the "myself" part would be "fighter" because that how Purpled sees himself as. 

Tommy: Page of Blood

I originally wanted to make him a Bard of Blood because “ Bards "allow destruction of [aspect]" or "invite destruction through [aspect]", and Blood is essentially connections and bonds, like family and friends, and we all know that Tommy always bring destruction of bonds by accident.

But in the end I chose Page of Blood because pages “provides others with [aspect]" or "creates [aspect]” because that is what Tommy does the best in the DSMP story: create connections and provide others with connections, whether is because people want to help him or because they hate him and those people are willing to help each other to stop Tommy. Tommy has always being able to create connections easily and the worst anyone could do was to isolate him, just look at the Exile Arc, he was nearly brought to suicide because he was all alone with the only people to connect with is the one person who hates connections, and Ghostbur (and Ranboo from time to time, specially after Tommy found Techno).

Also yes, I am dead set on giving Tommy the blood aspect because it’s a perfect title of him, all he has ever done was because of his connections and bonds with other, and all he has ever accomplish was thanks to his friends.

Tubbo: Mage of Time

Okay this one is a little weird, but hear me out.  Time could be translated to experiences, but more than anything, Time players are goal-focus, which is what Tubbo is really good at. Most people think he is positive, always looking for the best outcome, but that is not true. Yes he does this things, but not because as a person he wants to help people, it’s because he is given a task and he is going to full-fill it. He is goal oriented and his goals always tend to be something along the lines of “keep X thing safe” or “help X do X”. If you need something to get done, you call Tubbo, and that's what Tommy has always done, that's what a lot of L'Manberg people did, they rely on Tubbo because they believed in him to get shit done. Tubbo has always being a support player, in video game terms, but he has never being passive. He is always doing something, whether is for him, although most of the time for someone else. 

Mage is because "Mage benefits themselves with knowledge pertaining to [aspect]" and "guides by setting an example using knowledge pertaining to [aspect]" AKA Tubbo is always learning from experience, something that doesn't seem to be common in fucking DSMP. Tubbo rarely commits the same mistake twice. He is always making decisions that will either keep the most people safe or avoid doing a past mistake, even if they are usually not the wisest decisions. 

Ranboo: Sylph of Space

Honestly, Ranboo was very hard, I wanted to make him a rogue/sylph, or a space/hope player. 

First of all, Sylph is defined as "Sylph is thought to be one who heals [aspect] or one who heals through [aspect] for others" and Space implies life and creation. So you will think “why give Ranboo the “heals life and creation”, but that’s not it, it’s more of “Ranboo heals through creation”. The most notorious thing about Ranboo is his willingness to help pretty much everyone, but specially Tommy and Tubbo through resources. Which is in part why I wanted to make him a rogue, he distributes stuff to other players, but he doesn’t steal from others, he will rather die than to steal from others, specially those close to him. 

Aside from that he fits Space player’s personalities remarkably well “They are patient, masters of the art of 'wait-and-see', and are inclined to take things as they come. That isn't to say that they're pushovers or willing to let injustice lie-they just choose their battles wisely.” (The Extended Zodiac) Which we all know that Ranboo is extremely passive and doesn’t do much of anything and while he doesn’t really say no, he still is careful about going with this, such as The Butcher Army, he was part of it, but he never actively participated. While hope is way more active, it may stand for a lot of what Ranboo does, but a key factor of Hope players is that they are willing to destroy if it meant that THEIR vision of a better future flourish, which is nothing all like him. He hopes to see betterment, but he hates the idea of other people being forced into anything. If destruction happens he will just watch most of the time, which is more of a Space player thing to do.

[mhathotfic]

This is a really short piece that’s entirely for me and no one else, but if you relate and want more like it please feel free to tell me

Warnings: aromantic relationship based on my experiences, swearing, mentions of loneliness

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x lithromantic! Reader

Lithromantic: a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum, describing a romantic attraction without the desire for reciprocation.

Experiences may include: feeling romantic attraction that fades upon being reciprocated, feeling romantic attraction but preferring not to act on it, experiencing discomfort upon entering a romantic relationship with a crush, loss of interest in potential or actual partners when they romantically initiate, fantasizing about romance but preferring it only in theory, not in practic.

(Yn) related a little too much to that for them to be anything other than that, and in a way that was comforting.

At least they know why their past relationship never felt right. Why the word partner felt almost wrong in that context and why those partnerships never seemed enough. Never seemed right with a lingering feeling of uncomfortable uncertainty and a partner who felt so far away even when they were right there. Always asking for more from them but never explaining what more was or why they needed it.

So that relationship would eventually end and (Yn) would find themselves wondering why they tried in the first place. Romance felt like some unachievable fairytale that never really understood, but they didn’t want to be alone.

They wanted someone to be with though, and it seemed like everyone else wanted the same thing. Just not the way they desired, so they convinced themself into trying it in hopes that they were just a late boomer. That one day they’d have their fairytale story and be in love the way everyone else talked about it.

Going on dates set up for them by well meaning friends that just didn’t really get it.

The only who seemed like he did, never liked the thought of it though. Always huffing and puffing about them not needing someone to fix them.

“You’re not broken for fuck sake” Bakugou would grumble “you don’t need some loser who wants you to meet them at their level! You know that don’t ya?”. And in truth they did, but they felt so alone and maybe they’d finally meet someone who didn’t mind.

It never occurred to them that loud and brash blond who was always there when they got back might be holding his tongue on the matter. That he wanted to be the person who stood with them and held their hand through the hard times. To be the one who kisses their forehead and tell them they’re doing a great job. He wanted to be with them however that looked.

Romantic or not, he wanted to be theirs however they defined it. But how do you tell a person who seemed genuinely uninterested and uncomfortable with love that you love them?

He wasn’t sure at first, but one too many failed dates of theirs and a rant about the type of relationship that they wanted and it clicked.

Laying in his bed together with their head on his chest and him playing with their hair and quietly listening it finally clicked in place that he’s always been there exactly how they hoped a partner would be. Never asking for more or calling distant or cold.

And for him, it the reality of love not equaling romance clicked and he finally felt like he could just say it.

Like they could be together in a way they both wanted. So why not?

[kalinara]

On Aspec Identities

I’ve “joked” before that I know that it’s Pride Month, because as soon as June 1 comes around, I suddenly get to see a wonderful flood of aphobic bullshit on my dash.  

Sometimes the people who reblog this shit aren’t themselves exclusionists.  At least I’d like to think they aren’t, given that they’re mutuals who follow me, but out of ignorance, they join in on mocking what they don’t understand.

My block button gets a nice workout during Pride.

Anyway, since I do think (hope) that some of the people reblogging this nonsense do so because they are genuinely clueless, I’m inspired to write this post.

--

It’s very common, during Pride and otherwise, to see people mock the idea of aspec identities.  For example, “fraysexual”, in which people only experience sexual attraction to people they don’t know very well, for example, celebrities.

It’s very common to see otherwise well-meaning people mock this idea.  “I’m attracted to Chris Hemsworth!  Does this mean I’m suddenly LGBTQ?!”

I don’t want to attack their reading comprehension, of course, but they’re missing something obvious in that definition: the word “only”.

If you are a woman and you are attracted to Chris Hemsworth, then you’re probably straight.  Or bi.  But if you’re ONLY attracted to Chris Hemsworth and NO OTHER MEN in the world...then maybe something else is going on.

Lesbians will often talk about compulsory heterosexuality and that’s a thing that asexual people experience too.  Society has an expectation of allo-straightness and it’s very hard to define a negative, so it’s very common for a young person to express attraction to a fantasy, someone safely out of reach.  Most of us will never meet Chris Hemsworth in real life, certainly we’ll never get invited to have sex with him, so we don’t really have to parse through whether this is something we really want to do.  And well, if we’re not interested in the real life men that we know, it’s probably because they just don’t measure up.

Now, I think lesbians have one advantage in this case that asexual people don’t have.  And that’s that they do feel attraction to women.  It’s suppressed, and it may take a lot of time to realize it, but it’s there.  And once you feel the real thing, I think that it makes it easier to see the “attraction” to Chris Hemsworth for what it is.

Most asexual people don’t have a “real thing” to put the fantasy and cultural programming into perspective.  It’s very hard to define a negative, and often you end up doing that by defining everything else around out.  That blank space is what’s left.

And that’s why aspec identities exist: because society has a really complicated relationship with sexuality in general.  A physical sex drive can complicate matters too.  Because that’s a thing that most people have.  Hormones and gonads and all that.  And if you think growing up with all those impulses is confusing already, try it when you don’t have a sexual orientation to direct it.

So that’s, I think, where a lot of these identities come from.  Identities like fraysexual and lithsexual (sexual attraction ONLY if it’s not reciprocated) sound weird to an outside observer, until you understand that the end goal is not to have sex!  The end goal is to process what we’re feeling and not feeling and define it for ourselves.  

As a young person, I didn’t know I was asexual.  I thought there was something wrong with me.  I’d grasp at straws and think to myself that I must be straight, because I liked slash fanfiction.  Because I liked erotica.  Clearly I just never really had the opportunity to have sex.  I have very specific trait preferences.

And then the invitation came!  From someone who was objectively very attractive.  He* was beautiful, a live action and real life version of the characters I’d read about, amazingly smart, great sense of humor.  I’d fantasized about them for a long time before this moment.  (More accurately, I should say “They” as later, they came out as non-binary.  At the time though, I’d believed them to be male, just as I’d believed myself to be female.  People are complicated.)

The fantasy was real!  There was no better time!  And....all I could feel was a resounding “NO.”  I liked them a lot.  But...no.  No.  (They took the refusal with good grace, they were really great!)  The aftermath was rough on me though, because I no longer could fool myself.

I don’t consider myself lithsexual or fraysexual because in my case, the attraction wasn’t so much to the person as to the fantasy of being straight.  But people come in all variations, and we can only really define ourselves.

Ultimately, aspec identities aren’t about you unless they apply to you.  But for us, they can be a literal lifesaver.  I spent a long time thinking I was broken.  Why could I feel a sexual response when reading erotica but not want to have sex?!  Obviously I can’t be asexual if I feel SOMETHING, right?

And then, and then, at the age of thirty or so, I stumbled across the concept of autochorissexuality.  The idea of a disconnect between self and sexual desire.  And I realized, wait.  There I am.  You can’t imagine the sense of relief.

THAT’s why these identities exist.  It doesn’t MATTER if you understand them.  It doesn’t MATTER if you think they’re valid.  They’re for US, not you.  And it costs exactly 0 dollars to shut the fuck up about something that has nothing to do with you.