#who the fuck writes it as diablo iv

[subzeroparade]

People playing Diablo 4 in English, I need to know if there is an item - maybe a pair of boots, maybe not - called

Voyage of the Meat

Because there is in Italian, and it has haunted me for weeks.

[modeus-the-unbound]

I think this is the first time in years that so many things about games have been announced about video games that I just don't give a shit about. I have been vibrating in excitement hard enough to rattle the foundations of my workplace over Elden Ring and Slay the Princess....but Starfield and Diablo IV...

Starfield is a boring empty game that highlights all the worst parts of a bethesda game experience and their writing teams lack of creativity. So I don't think an expansion can salvage anything when even modders didn't feel like trying. Diablo IV is coming into the world after Diablo: Immortal which isn't a game. It's a gambling addict machine in the form of a grindy-shitty gameplay experience. So I don't trust this game.

Like Call of Duty...Right-Wing propoganda machine disguised as a first person shooter. Dragon age: Veilgaurd...a game actively throwing away the mechanics people play dragon age games for, while also having the most visible turnover of devs I have seen in a long time. Doom: The Dark Ages? Would be hyped but Bethesda fucked over Mick Gordon so hard that I can't muster up the desire to care. Might play it on release, might never touch it. Who knows. Long story short, me at the AAA games industry atm.

[bombshelllblonde]

hiiihihii!! im backkkk to tell u abt my rdr playthough bc im bored asf haha

¡love this game omg!! the graphics, the story, the details UGH!!!!

hunting is actually so fun for no reason- i bought so many fancy ass guns too 😭

also my play type whenever i play ANY story game thats open world is to do every possible thing every except the actual story so i get a bunch of stuff and then its so muvh easier

in short i have 6000+ dollars 😋

bonus of exploring everything is i got thw white arabian and i love her sm ‼️‼️ i named her pearl and she is my baby

dress up is my seconf favorite hobby

my fav outfit rn is the red vest w the floral pattern on the front (i forget what its called) n the black french dress shirt underneath + the bison necklace talisman

(also arthur w medium-long length hair n short facial hair>>>)

this game is so detail oriented, its kind of insane- im doing a high honor run atm, and i came across the blind beggar for the third (?) time and the blind guy said and i quote

"that is which killing you will finally help you, friend- to hear and see."

is this foreshadowing this feels like foreshadowing

also ik arthurs dies (bc of tiktok edits and fics, they artists in this fandom is amazing!!!) and im not prepared at all 😭 im going to procrastinate so bad 

ALSO CHARLES DESERVES SO SO MUCH I LOVE HIM

yk the hole lil speech he has at the campfire yk "most human beings seem to know why they were born but, for me- its seems i was just mean ton hurt and suffer myself" that one

im bawling istg if he doesnt get a good ending im going to be writing a formal complaint to rockstar games

anyways

tw opinions (ik bro its crazy to have opinions in 2024 whattt no wayy)

ive gotten to the point in playing where im in ch 3, and the only way i can progress the actual story is to help micah rob a stagecoach or whatever

micah is a bastard and i dont like him

him as a character is rlly well written and awesome but,,,,,hes,,,slimy,,and i hate him,,,,so he can wait for a little longer ☺️

my favorite characters rn in no particular order is

arthur (obviously) , charles , sean , javier , tilly , marybeth , and kieran

my pookies ‼️‼️

moving on im so sorry this is so so long 😭 idk anyone who likes rdr irl lmao

anyway hope u have a nice day and no wolves attack you and spoke ur horse who bucks you off a cliff

(in rdr btw)

((true story also))

yo, having 6k in chapter 3 is amazing. good for you!

my first playthrough i got the white arabian and i named her Lemoyne Tree as a tribute to the state of Lemoyne and my favorite post malone song Lemon Tree. But she always got super dirty so i then went to the lake next to Strawberry and tamed the red chestnut arabian. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that one, she's gorgeous and arthur always gets that one when i play it. my beautiful baby girl Diablo <3

also yes. heckin FUCK MICAH BELL. even from the beginning he's been a slime ball. hate that man <3

i won't go too far, but just keep yourself high honor towards the end of the game. you need that to be your first ending. :')

Charles deserves the absolute world. just listening to him speak and hanging out with him at camp, and the missions you continue on to do with him throughout the game are so much fun. charles is someone i wish i could have in my real life because he seems like he would be the best person to speak to and hang out with. he is so lovely and down to earth. even arthur says it a couple times throughout the game. charles gets a good ending i promise.

my top blorbos are Arthur, Dutch, Charles, Hosea, and Josiah Trelawny my absolute beloved <33333 just wait until you go on the mission with Charles to find trelawny. one of my favorite missions ever ever ever ever!!

a lot of people dislike dutch, but i love him so much. he is my actual father. i love him.

i also hate john. let me know how you feel about that little greasy weasel of a man. :)))

i'm so so so glad you're having fun and i am very invested, so please continue to keep me updated on what ur doing because i need to live vicariously through you. if i could erase my entire mind and replay the game over and over again for the first time, i totally would

[vivaladicamillo]

hi, can you write a dico x fem!reader who is just like him. they are best friends but also a couple. they are always laughing & joking around, doing skits, having rap/roast battles, doing stunts, etc together. the others constantly teasing them about how they are same person and outsides would never be able to tell they are a couple.

that’s so fucking cheesy I’m so sorry AHHHH 😟

BRANDON DICAMILLO X FEM!READER

THANK U SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING THIS IM A LITERAL SUCKER FOR DICO AHHHH and trust me nothing is ever too cheesy when it comes to me, i fucking loves cheese little romantic things like this, especially for someone who acts just like him. this is fueling my crush for him more and more 🤭🤭🤭🤭

WARNINGS: none

—————————————

u always had a little crush on dico

come on the guys funny and cute whats more there to love??

when u guys finally got together though its like u guys were just best friends

i mean u two were together CONSTANTLY

the guys started to get suspicious

“dico are u banging her or are u too just friends?” -bam

everyone genuinely couldnt tell if you were dating or not, hell ur the spitting image of eachother personality wise

when u too finally tell the guys the teasing begins

constant “oohs” and “aaahs” when u two would show anytype of affection towards eachother

the guys finally having something to tease brandon abt was a huge win for them

it was all fun and jokes

at first

then it started to be annoying so you and dico get together and start scheming

then it hits you two

to get back at the guys u decide to give them all their own little “hell days”

for bam u definitely wash all of his skateboards with soap and water on the grip side, hide some of his him cds, maybe even take the lambo out for a spin (for hours without telling him) u guys also fuck up his favorite shirts just for the hell of it

with ryan he really never picked on u guys a lot but just to make it equal u guys just do little psychological pranks on him, yk the whoopie cushion, fake shock gum, corny shit like that

with raab, dico and u probably just smack him in the face throughout the whole day, maybe take key key with u for a joy ride just to scare him a bit or burn his favorite beanie

oh god rake gets it the worst

being dicos best friend and all he made fun of yall CONSTANTLY ( prob to get back at dico for always bullying him)

dicos gonna get ruthless

woo de wolf impression all day, gay jokes upon gay jokes, probably tries to cut his hair and to top the day off, a gallon of yellow mustard on rakes head (DICO U BETTER RUN BITCH)

dico really wants to do rakes hell day by himself bc he loves fucking with him

you guys will get the nickname “diablos” (the devils twins) after all this

he probably is gonna get murdered for doing all this but hey nobody can stay mad at dico

hes too cute fr

—————————————

BONUS HEADCANONS BC I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT THESE!

will put u in his homemade video projects

imagine cudding with him while u too just crack jokes and hold eachother

WATCHING OLD TIMEY WESTERN MOVIES WITH HIM

“hey babe ive been working on this impression and i need your opinion on it”

you will try and kick his ass at mortal combat, and ultimately fail “they dont call me the record holder for nothing babe”

BUY HIM ACTION FIGURES HE WILL LOVE U FOREVER

does like to take u out on sappy romantic dates sometimes but also just likes to hang out with u, just ur presence alone calms him

his his nose and watch his fave turn red ‼️

ROAST BATTLES TO THE MAX, put on a beat and you two will go at it for hours, constant back and forth of you guys dissing eachother then having it turn oddly sexual then having it turn into roasting rake then back to the beginning again

putting on masters of the universe and cuddling to sleep 😩

—————————————

HOPE YOU ENJOYED!! i have no clue if u wanted a actual fic or not but im shit at writing so this is the best i got, and im not turning down this idea bc it makes me giggle and get all giddy tbh 🤭🤭🤭

[violetsystems]

#personal

It's been kind of a hellish week. But that might be because I bought Diablo IV on sale. I'm not happiest or satisfied with life or the way it works int he favor for people who deserve the opposite. But for the most part I'm just working, sleeping, making money and trying not to go batshit insane. I have Apple TV now so I've been watching Severance. I'm sure that doesn't help add to the biting sting of the sarcasm in the back of my head. This is why I've been trying to focus on the restful solitude of home.

I upgraded my bios and drivers for AMD on my machine. It is less twitchy. I've been reading the 5000 series gets a small boost from all the tweaks they did in Windows 11. I have the 5950x which is the flagship and boosts upwards of 4.8 ghz now on a good day. I'm also running a 7900 xtx in there. I didn't fuck around upgrading it knowing I wasn't really going to be social at all for a year. That's not anything written in stone. It just seems to be the way things are for me.

Whether it is some sort of an orange peel test I don't really know. I can read into what is expected of me pretty well now. Some people just expect you to disappear for their own reasons. This has always been far more complicated to understand. I just anchor my life these days around the things I can depend on. Intelligent outcomes. Probably why I still write here. Although if you are looking for a mood gauge from me? Sun's getting reallllll low. <3 Tim

[bmaxwell]

Game of the Year 2023: Not the Top 10

Some best-of categories, with every bit as much pomp and fanfare as The Game Awards!

Best Music:

The Last Spell

Some other games had some truly memorable moments with their music this year, but none had a soundtrack as consistently great as The Last Spell. Admittedly prog metal is right in my wheelhouse, but god DAMN this game where you move the little guys around the map and blow up little monsters did not need its music to go this hard.

Also great music: Dredge, Diablo IV, Honkai Star Rail, Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood

It’s Not You, it’s Me:

Book of Hours

Sometimes a game seems perfect for me, but for whatever reason I just can't hit my stride with it. Other times I can tell a game is wonderful, but it either asks too much of me or just isn't my style.

This year had quite a few of these, but the honor goes to Book of Hours. It's the follow up to 2018's obtuse-but-cool-vibes game Cultist Simulator. I couldn't get my head around that one. I tried. I read guides. I watched videos. I started over again and again. I put 7 hours into it and finally accepted that whatever seems to be there - and I can tell that there IS something there - I just don't get to savor it. It's like those magic eye pictures. I believe you that there's a sailboat there if you unfocus your eyes the right way, but I've stared at it for 30 minutes and I'm sweaty and irritated and have a slight headache.

Books of Hours played out exactly the same as its predecessor, except this time I refunded the game before it hit two hours played.

Fuck your sailboat.

Runners up: Chants of Sennaar, A Space for the Unbound, Shadow Gambit, Lies of P, Aliens Dark Descent

Old Game of the Year:

Yakuza 6: The Song of Life

Kiryu gets out of prison to find his adopted daughter Haruka is in a coma and she has a TINY BABY named Haruto so Kiryu's gonna just chill and do his own thing HAHA JUST KIDDING he's gonna protect Haruka and protect that baby and find out who attacked her and who Haruto's father is and is Haruka gonna come out of her coma stay tuned and find out in Yakuza 6: The Song of Life!

Runners up: Soul Hackers 2, Tiny Tina’s Wonderland, Tales of Arise

Best Moment or Sequence:

Alan Wake II: The Herald of Darkness

--- SPOILERS AHEAD ---

2023 had some great moments, none more memorable than this live action sequence in Alan Wake II. The game blends full motion video sequences with gameplay and in-engine cutscenes beautifully. None stands out more than the bizarre section where Alan is again drawn into the television and onto the set of a late night talk show. "This time" the host says "we're going to do what we always do, but instead of talking we'll sing it!" What followed is the best kind of ridiculous, tongue planted firmly in cheek.

--- END SPOILERS ---

Raphael's Final Act in Baldur's Gate III was an impossibly close second on this list. Runners up: Baldur's Gate III: Raphael's Final Act, Diablo IV: Storming the Gates of Hell, Hogwarts Legacy: Sebastian's story arc, Resident Evil 4 Remake: Ringing of the Church bell, The Man who Erased his Name: Kiryu's Ending Best Remake:

Super Mario RPG

I'm a cranky old man about the endless reboots and remakes in TV and film. I hate them. They're money grabs, cashing in our nostalgia and desire for comfort food. With the medium of videogames however, remakes generally make a lot more sense unless you're Naughty Dog. This year had a lot of great remakes. My brain says Resident Evil 4 was the best, but my heart says Super Mario RPG. I played it when it released in 1996 and I remember loving it, but I had lost all details of it. This gave me an excuse to replay it, and it's as magical as I remember. The game's writing and humor are incredibly charming. Mario as the silent protagonist in a world where everyone else can speak is great as he is forced to pantomime everything. The combat is snappy and the timed button presses help spice it up. The play time is short for an RPG, with some fat trimmed off the original release to come in at a dozen hours. All the goodness Nintendo fans know from Paper Mario and the Mario & Luigi RPG's started right here with Square.

Runners up: Resident Evil 4, Dead Space, Like a Dragon: Ishin, We Love Katamari: Reroll, Star Ocean Second Story R, Baiten Kaitos I & II HD Remaster

Looking Forward to It:

Like a Dragon: Infinite Wealth

Holy shit there are a lot of great RPG's coming out next year. But a new Like a Dragon game is at the top of my list. Ryu ga Gotoku has Yakuza 8 to build upon for their second turn based RPG. This one takes place in America and it gives us Ichiban and Kiryu. I can think of nothing I'd rather play.

Runners up: Final Fantasy Rebirth, Granblue Fantasy: Relink, Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes, Unicorn Overlord, Metaphor ReFantazio

[trulybetty]

Sunday | Week In Review III

Sunday Week In Review III.

What a week it has been - I’ve read some great updates to some really good fanfics this week (and some I still need to reblog to the dash) and I’ve been in my mother effing Joel Miller feels - but Frankie seems to be helping 😏

Hope everyone had a good week! I’d love to hear what you enjoyed this week and if you have your own week in review you want to share that I can link here!  

Side note: who was writing, or planning to write, something involving ex-Frankie on the beach? It popped into my head this morning and has not left me and no search I've done has yielded anything to the point now I think I'm making it up lol.

Disclaimer: did not get into any of my TBR fics, everything I read this week were updates to established starters or one-shots.

Truly Betty Updates This Week…

Strings IV Mood board

Bookstore (Frankie x f!Reader)

Drip (Joel Miller x Reader) warning: hints at events of TLOU2

Hangar (Frankie x f!Reader)

Fics I Enjoyed This Week…

The Locksmith Series by @oonajaeadira I wasn’t entirely sure what I was getting into reading a series based on the The Thief from the Casillero del Diablo adverts. But this was a whole lot more than I expected and was such a great read. I don’t want to spoil too much, but it has just the perfect combination of magic, romance, tension and plot. This was a very enjoyable lazy Sunday morning read.

Delta Landscaping - Chapter 2 + 3 by @rhoorl okay, chapter 2? Was not expecting to be getting so teary eyed in the first half and then snorting with laughter in the second. Then the bonus of a THIRD chapter before the week was out? Jess is spoiling us with the events of Mulefall Court 🫏. I don’t want to spoil chapter 3, but it is a riot and I am eagerly waiting to find out what happens next! 

The Layover - Chapter 11 by @goodwithcheese I’m in denial that there’s one chapter and an epilogue left on this. However, trust me when I say this series will lend itself to a reread once it’s done! Frankie and Reader are in some feels in this chapter and have some stuff to work through. But as ever Jules BBF extraordinaire and “get you laid” fairy godmother comes in with some wise words ♥️

Hungry Hearts - Chapter 5 by @atinylittlepain This is a permanent entry on my fics read/recommended list forever - I could wax lyrical about how Joel Miller is Springsteen coded. However, things are coming to a head here both in the summer of 86’ and in present day for Cherry and Joel. I think we’re in for a bumpy ride with the next updates but I’m looking forward to seeing how it plays out! You won’t be disappointed. 

Late Night Texts - Chapter 11 by @mvtthewmurdvck I had my worries about Javi & Reader as I made my way through this chapter and if this was a live action rom-com this would be the part where you shout at the TV because the happily ever after is just right there in sight only for it to be swiped away. But all is not lost because… I’m not going to give it away, go and read! 

Bloom by @nothoughtsjustmeds I very much dislike flowers, each to their own, but I simply don’t get the appeal. I appreciate them at a distance and think they’re pretty, but that’s where it ends for me. However, give me a flower shop trope and I am all over it will devour them all! (don't know what this says about me, lol) This one is no different and was actually a re-read when it popped up on my dash! Joel Miller is late, it’s Mother’s Day and he’s showing up in Readers store two minutes to closing in need of help and the rest… well, I’ll let you read it because it’s such a delight.

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #11: Daniel Harper (Wing Pit) - A Kiss After Pain by @something-tofightfor Look. I’m not afraid to admit it, I’m feral for Daniel ‘Wing Pit’ Harper, and it’s because of @something-tofightfor’s fics. Go and read them and you’ll see what I mean. While you’re there go check out their Summer Kiss Prompt’s.

That's A Real Fucking Legacy: All of You, All of Me by @wyn-n-tonic If you haven’t read the series this wraps up, I suggest you do! Like, I could word vomit on this fic for days. However, this one-shot gives Joel & reader a tender ending that while it doesn’t fix everything, it gives life to a future for them both without guilt of the origins of their relationship. This was an unexpected treat on my dash this week and I encourage you to take a moment to read this series of you haven’t. 

Two Chances by @mrsquill A Joel Miller x Reader AU that has puppies, Joel and Sarah dynamics and did I mention puppies? It’s an adorable fluff piece that I hope we get to see a follow-up to!

Conversations With a Movie Star | Chapter 2 by @gnpwdrnwhiskey Hands down one of the best written Dieter's in my opinion and on top of that this is such an original idea of a story. Ava and Dieter play so well off one another and I can't wait to see how this is all going to play out. Also, I already love Desi and Lucy ❤️🦝

Fall Apart, Again | Chapter 3 by @wildemaven Okay, while on the topic of unique story ideas... this one right here! This, eurgh, I want to wrap this story in a blanket and give it a massive hug and tell it it'll be all okay. No secret I love me some good angsty fics, but there's a thin line you have to tread before it can dissolve into either a comedy of errors or just downright depressive verbage but Heidi, *chef's kiss* hits all the right notes with this story. Not going to get into much more as it is owed a reblog later today - but you cannot not get invested from the opening chapter.

March by @the-widow-miller I wasn't the only one this week in my Joel Miller feels - we both ended up posting our TLOU2 fics within days of one another and this one, eurgh, the whole thing cutting between present time and flashback and the ending? I'll let you get into this and get down deep in your Golfing feels.

Palomino | IX Warmblood by @fuckyeahdindjarin Going to admit it here, I am afraid of horses, I don't like them I think they're going to bite my hand off and yeah, so so pretty. But they frighten me. HOWEVER, this entire series has me wanting to go book a trek with the Statesmen, not only for my own Whiskey - but to witness the beautiful landscapes Cee has painted and weaved through this entire story. I also like how this ended, I'm not going to get into it because I don't want to spoil it - but if you've not read this series, you are in for a real treat!

Fics I’m Looking Forward to Reading…

Pulling from the gazillion tabs I have open that I need to move to a more formalized list that I’ll share next week if I get it done!

Shared Breaths by @frenchiereading So single dad Frankie is enrolling his daughter in your class and as the school year moves forward so does your relationship with Frankie… 

Posts I Enjoyed This Week…

This Dave York character analysis thread, some interesting takes on his character and how he’s portrayed in both the film and fandom. 

@rhoorl's dive into the Vanity Plates of the Delta Boys, it had me howling! Also peep the post on what cars each of the boys drive while you're there too!

Things I’ve (NOT) Enjoyed This Week…

My great idea to watch a play through of the second TLOU game (not posting spoilers) and play it while I worked. I’m an idiot. A highly emotional idiot. Also going to take @gnpwdrnwhiskey's advice to re-read the first two chapters of @oonajaeadira's Leave off Your Wandering to satisfy the head-canon I have that TLOU2 is all about Joel going to live his best life on an alpaca farm.

Things I’ve Enjoyed This Week…

All the lovely feedback I got on my dive into the Catfish pond with my Frankie fics that I was actually afraid to post, it's actually been a little overwhelming. Also the feedback on Drip, despite pulling everyone down onto the floor in my Joel Miller feels lol. Thank you all for your reblogs, comments & likes - it really means a lot ❤️

This Week’s Song…

This week it’s an album, Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska - @atinylittlepain mentioned this book, Deliver Me from Nowhere: The Making of Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska (which I can’t wait to get stuck into) and so I’ve been listening to this album on repeat since. 

It’s one of those albums that sticks out at from a time when I was younger where I was figuring out what I liked and not being afraid of offending others with my choices or worrying that they weren't what everyone else liked.

Other Weeks in Review I Think You Should Check Out...

@rhoorl's Week In Review (8/27/23)

If you've made it this far! Feel free to share your own recommendations or favourite things that have happened this week or what you've enjoyed! 💕

[swampgallows]

You’re so right about the WoW fandom being prone to making themselves mad over pure speculation. I’ve seen so much of it since Blizzcon, it’s so frustrating watching people making things up to be mad over.

i remember coming into the voice chat of an old discord server after getting home from a positively euphoric blizzcon and several people erupting in like genuine screaming matches about the content. one dude in particular known for being a complete asshole was then LAUGHING at them for being upset and screaming FUCK THE ALLIANCE so loud it distorted his mic

i was so excited for the upcoming stuff and to talk about it with the server just to be met with walls of negativity and bitching and ear-splitting screams because their fave didn't get screen time or some shit they MADE UP. like they went "oh my god but what if THIS happens?" and then started crying. i remember one user making themselves so upset with the assumption that their favorite character was going to die that they had a panic attack and left the server. to this day, the character is still alive and well.

like if it's affecting your health, it's time to disengage. it's okay to have fixations and comfort characters, but especially if you are neurodiverse and/or have mental illness it's extremely important to practice good mental hygiene and avoid thought patterns that lead to spirals.

also because like no offense but some of "the fandom" have the most outlandish off-base shit takes ive ever seen and then go "watch blizz not do this because shit writing 💅" or call anything that doesn't fit their personal preferences to be "typical bad blizzard writing". then they have these disproportionate responses to their unrealistic expectations not being met, stew in their disappointment, berate other people for continuing to enjoy the franchise(s), and blame the company. like bro you think i haven't been upset? i turned my back for second and they went and made one of my favorite characters into a genocidal fascist dictator. but my love of the universe and game outweighs that, so im still involved.

ill give an example from another old discord: there was a person who had a pretty esoteric favorite character, which is fine, but this person was like dead set on that character being the next addition to heroes of the storm. completely convinced themselves their fave was next. and this person would get genuinely upset every time a new hero was introduced and it wasn't their favorite character who made maybe two appearances in game over a decade ago. but nevertheless every time a new hero was being teased, in comes this person expressing their immense disappointment that it isn't their fave, and why blizzard is a shit company for putting in some stupid "nobody" (stukov, malthael) from a game "nobody" plays (starcraft, diablo) instead of their fave.

of course nothing beats the 30+ year old dude from my old server guild that got banned from Twitter for sending a pic of his literal balls and asshole to celestalon because his trinket got nerfed. but that's not really based on speculation

[escribirsinsaber]

HOLLYWOOD POETRY

Biometrical America

 America is under surviellance

24/7 under biometric HD

dear customers, we are being recorded

for the future

& present

our past makes the point

everytime on screens

 you may feel cold

under the sun

 on your own

you´ll watch your own picture filtered

  Permítame la clave del Wi-fi:

 Airtravelling exclusive

                          exclusion

                        experience

 Boarding pass double SS

relax your nerves

 right after the extra ordinary SS SS

inspection, feel free to enjoy at large

our selection of

ultraproduced Latin Pop

with international style dressing

 Total High Definition XP

slow motion romances

sending autotuned kisses

 Equalized sound

Normalized sound

Autocorrected lyrics

 I.

Apure su espresso

y deje de escribir

mariconerías

en el café de paso

 II.

Si vas a cantar en inglés

debes saber en inglés.

Antes de cantar en inglés,

aprende a hablar inglés

because you sound very much Tarzán.

 Antes de cantar en inglés

verifica la pronunciación.

 III.

Si usted puede cantar en inglés

y cantar en Español Latinoamericano

(antes llamado castellano)

la misma canción,

es posible que usted tenga una Serpiente

combinada con un Águila

en la Lengua.

 IV.

Si va a escribir

y no va a consumir

usted se debe ir.

 V.

Cuando algún otro

te envíe aquella mirada lasciva

solamente mantén

las cuencas de la calavera bien abiertas,

en el momento en que aprietes el mentón,

el tipo sabrá que solo el Quijote podría enamorarte.

 VI.

Cualquier declinación

de casos de género

es sexita por autonomasia,

salvo el caso neutro

que no aplica

para el Español Castellano Latinoamericano

 VIII.

I´m so lucky.

Got the SS SS boarding pass

 Sicherheit

security

seguridad

sagrada

 The lady, Airport Voice,

she calls my name

she calls my name

and she repeats

 Airplane Mode:

 I´ve successfully created

a twitter account

got not an elaborate username yet

but got a password

kinda related to my secondary e-mail account

at the gooleador

 gool

goooooooooool

gooooooooooool

 goooooooooooooool de Goooooooogle

 Goooolazo

Goooolazo

Goooolazo against everybody.

 Airplane Mode Brightness Correction:

 No google in the airplane

but maybe a tweet

                      a tweet

 I write tweets like singing

pop birds short songs

tiny 140 songs

less than one minute-long songs

 Tweet while flying

eat my tweet, my dear

 You know my GPS

so call me maybe

 I´ll give you some Wi-Fi Hotspot, (lady)

  DATA CONNECTION FULL TIME SINCE BIRTH

 That´s realität

 there is no point

asking for time

 Aeroplano

Teléfono

Audífono

 impulsado

powered by light

                  by kerosene

                  by Benzin

 from B to M

from O to E

from G to X

from A to Z

from U.S.A to ABC

 Aeromexperience:

 First Heineken then Tecate Light

first canciones en inglés en el comercial

then another canción en inglés en el comercial

 First no cholos en el comercial

but nice models dressed in white

 sonrisa perfecta

 using

super nice smiles to speak

about the possibility

of a cathastrophy

 Remember to take off your shoes

in order to use

the floating air rollercoaster

"the slide"

 8 slide lifeboats

 Ferrari 300 Rollerball:

 70 USD Ferrari 300 rollerball

 Do you know it?

Can you imagine?

 It writes so fast I cannot think

fair enough to make it

articulate a single word

 futuristic trace,

red sexy body,

black ink,

diamond ball,

 gimmie one

and gimmie speed

and I´ll pierce

every tablet on earth

 in the blink of an eye

in the spin of a roll

in the rolling spin

 Hole in the sky sobrevolando San Diego:

 Hole que tengo de hambre

de pagar tinto de 4 USD

Snickers de 5$

 what sky are we talking about?

El cielito lindo que todos cantan

y luego reclaman: oye, porqué estás tan mexicano?

y el aeroplano rompiendo la velocidad del sonido

en picada pa´ Hollywood

 let´s do some Debord Graffitty

no wildstyle hip hop

but old school

post-marxist situationist site specific

right in the face

of Herr Weinstein

 Hermosa Beach:

 Do not drink the speed limit

mein Schatz

do not drink the Tzunami

 this lovely hazardous beach is kinda quiet

the pacific is at my back

take sun dressed in black

record the lines written in the sand

with videos of the tide

 you can always come to the ocean

and watch the waves

& the seagulls

they glide taoisticly flying

or walk on the supersmooth

special pavement

listening to the american way riding on bikes

 Heavy Metal Emergency:

 Firefighting the streets

with riffs

of salt water

from the Pacific

 we extinguish the conflagrations

here

with liquor

and rubber tires

 We got fire to go

water & sand to stay

we got all what you would like

and more than you actually do

 Writing Stretching:

 Lie completely belly side

to the green

extend your legs wide

opening chakra

 wide open Alpha

wide open Gamma

 open wide Dali

open wide Kali

open wide Delta

 wide open Kimi

wide open Chuen

wide open Akbal

wide open Ix

wide open Oc

 so the vowels

will come slowly

 steady

flowing

creamy

chewy

 Leather Letters:

 The scalped goat

got to be ivory black

 bloody as well

bloody rare

 and you have to wear it

everytime

to sweat ir

deeply wet at the dance ball

 then the batttlejacket

has to have several homemade patches

expressing concern about no cat

 The missunderstanding of the Valkirias:

 At first

you cannot nicht glauben

they are just like that

 carring gold

and different manners

ready for disputations

about all

consequently they

become soft hunger

shinning from their eyes

 they won´t cry it out loud

they´ll suggest

                            implicit likes

 Gimmie the look:

 I see you are looking, bad, man

you´re ogling

hard

 it can be seen from almost a mile

how you stare while

how the cone comes out

and the periphericall space

is totally excluded

from the edge of the knive of your eyes

 I see it totally clear

your iris

glowing, sparkling,

so much like the midday sun

 equinoxial

 Attitude Issues:

 can´t smile like that

sorry I don´t use to

even if I try

 I never know who am I talking with

 alone

 it´s gonna be okey, okey?

the point is

don´t say everything you think

 ´cause you´re awfully wrong

Mister Höfflichkeit

  Tomar el sol:

 Tomo el sol

acostado

supino

sobre el pasto

del cementerio de Hollywood

 tengo una total vista

en contrapicado

de dos palmeras elongadas

y un par de árboles

que no sé nombrar

 Y veo un ave,

pienso que es un halcón

planeando

en la corriente tibia del summertime eterno

 sin estar buscando,

perdiendo el tiempo

 pienso que debería meditar

o hacer estiramientos

 pienso en lo difícil que es estar

 O.K. L.A.:

 In the neighborhood

there are some

salvatruchas

pretty much sympathetic

´cause they take care of the barrio

 they drink light beer,

enjoy themselves out in the parking lot

at the backyard

and invite me

a hablar español y

spanglish

y Shakira y James

 cabrones

 They make fun of me

because I still live with my mom

back at Colombia, Bogotá

but they say I can make it here

they said I´m lucky

and I believe them

because I believe in myself,

as a persecutioner

of something

which I do not know how to call

  Chocolate Brownie Breakfast:

 I know how I like my

chocolate brownie

 not too early, sunny,

foamy

 I like it conspicous

and transnational

with a tolerance trust

kinda like it

 I kinda like it not fat

not too milky

 I like it like it

              like it

              like it

not like me

 Chocolate Stains:

 These chocolate stains

all over my body

make me this cacao impression

 I´m so like a fruit

when... you know,

when you go out

 the chocolate runs

through my bloodstream

going around in circles

it´s a roller-coaster feeling

a rolling sugar cube,

molecule,

 such a sweet caoba mahoganny muddy deep brown

tiny thing running hot

 UNWASHABLE:

 Cannot be unseen

the thing

goes on your skin

also within

huge social constructs

of unequility

huge machineskin

and you may feel like

taking a bath

but it cannot be washed

   Seaweed:

 She gave me this

letter size sheet of

green

crunchy salty thing

 and she devoured hers

and I was like,

wow

let´s try

 never ate so much before

this is a book made by the sea

 gives you

Schreibenlust

a wish to write

 The Treehouse:

 They were doing cocaine

while we were at the treehouse

 They had an oil barrel burning

outside

these crust punks living in a 8 bedrooms house

they look wild

but at the end they are just kids wasting time

 You can easily know ten or twenty new people

on just one night

 For example this one black cyclist

had speech impediments issues

buy was a such a charming ladiesman

hitting directly at Corazón

with every known trick

 Up in the treehouse we were shooting comercials

for fun

 Banana and Corn Allergic Reactions:

 So the doctor said it was

neuro-related

years of itching

and years of my skin falling appart

kinda like an autumn tree,

dried by the sun,

little flakes flying off

 Everything has corn inside

because corn is some kind of god

 On the other hand

bananas taste like war

 It´s just bloddy geopolitical

cosmologically prehispanical fucked up

 Burning Sun:

 Got burnt at the pacific coast

where the sun shines

hard hard

really bright

and when you take pictures of it

is such a huge

white round

corona solar

above the palmtrees

above

            the valley

 sunscreen 100

sun protection factor

 Eat Like:

 Me ha pasado dos veces:

-una torta con todo

-una Diablo thick

 llego a la mitad y quedo lleno

o solo la idea de comer me llena

 you can have it all

if you have enough

 make it to go

 I´ll eat later the other half

or give it to my pal

 I´ll make this sweet chili beverage

I´ll sell this Diablo blood online

 California Games:

 Váyase al bar a jugar billar

tómese un whisky coffee no-baileys

puede ser cool estar solo

un rato

siéntese a escuchar

por fin una cosa que no sea vallenato

otra cosa

clásica de la cultura popular

 americana

 sin problemas, my friend

póngase a tirar dardos a la foto

que le de la gana

 ¿dónde está su identidad?

déjeme ver a ver

una requisa para entrar

quieto que no es por joder

vállase a surfear en el bus en skate

   El Cuaderno Negro:

 Ese man de cuero

está escribiendo en su cuaderno

todo el tiempo

 hey, venga y le cuento

 ese man ahí va

     está contento

pero no lo anda diciendo

 perdón, brother

what the fuck is the problem

is not like its over

solamente

   anda

         mirando

 a ver

a ver

a ver

a ver ese video

  Alergia Indoeuropea:

 Digamos algo bonito

en sanscrito

comic sans con serifas

hechas a mano

pero prescindiendo

del árbol

 digamos que

en hebreo mal hablado

no se puede sino comer pescado

y que todos los demás

son unos cerdos

 por las ramas de una lengua

sin diccionario

sin las pandillas de la academia

 Es bien jodido oír hablar

al Cuervo

proponere que diga algo nuevo

 me pica la piel

me pica la lengua

 Renders:

 time is processed

by the machine

 cut & pasted

& faded to black

 may use some soundtrack

may correct it

for it is too bright

and then

 let it load

let it get shaped

cluster by cluster

 walks the timeline

transforms hours into bytes

 reminding framed memories

 76,4%

may I go for coffee

 78,27%

may I have a smoke

 85%

Don´t watch the screen

it gets nervous

 97%

pray to St. Gates Jobs

 100% Export

copy it to the flashdrive

 and may Sony make you enjoy

 Productos Americanos:

 Estoy confundido con el concepto

de lo americano

 en el medio

un skateboard

y autos 4 x 4 Family Trucks

 atrapado entre las hamburguesas

y los burritos

siempre encuentro un menú

más o menos igual

con fotos fotochopeadas

con pinturas muralistas

 las manos de obra son de los inmigrantes

los capitales son fotogénicos

y sonríen en las vayas junto a los centros comerciales

 y son blancos

o están bronceados.

 Los Angeles CAR MEDIA TRANS CITY:

 On foot you´ll get but and dehydrated

still there are some brave walkers

pulling their supermaket cars

                                                  hall full

let´s say you want to go downtown

pretty easy, take the bus

let´s say you want to meet the Ocean

man, you need a ride

 ride the space

use any ship you can

cycle hard

skate for fun

get on get off

 drink gass

tap and then

show the card.

 Aire Incondicional:

 Cuando se abre una ventana

o se entra a una tienda

 el soplido

la corriente que viene

atraviesa medio globo

va empujando barcos

eleva a las gaviotas

las hace estacionarias

vigilando los restos de comida tirados en las playas

 el ventilador más grande del mundo

es el viento

 SK8 IN L.A.:

 There goes the skater

I mean the skateboarder

he´s at the border

he´s rolling

through the landscape

I mean the cityscape

There goes another

he has this oldschool deck

he has

nothing to lose

nowhere to stay

he remains

and he´s doing fine

There´s the last one

he´s taking the bus

he´s in a hurry

but he´s coming back

 Jukebox Democracy:

 Use 25Cents to play

something nice

cheer up

maybe dance

 Just need a little patience

to do the line

if you liek, deliberate,

 what would you like?

what would we all like?

what do I want?

 You don´t know

but it´s cool

it´s money

the commonground

even if you don´t have

why would you mind?

 Hear this ballad,

little twang,

the crooner is such a big

classical white or black man

or if you go down south

there´s this little

spanish speaker

making girls cry

 wait for the blues, man,

do not get depressed bad

 Jimmy undead everlasting guitar

or

Robert wooden sound

reverberator metal thing

with this low tech

acoustic flavour

 We got´em all

just show me the money

you are free to buy it.

 Drive Thru Land:

 60 the compact

100 the truck

 I see some Hummers on the street

I´ve never driven one

 While we were crawling

the freeway 101

a pouring Lamborgini

ran leaving the traffic jam

far behind...

 Let´s find the parking spot

1 dollar 1 hour

time relates to money

in this ratio: 100 to 60

 turn the motor on

back to neutro

back again

to drive mode

 I think I´m scared of freeways

and it´s also kinda scary to think

about the NS war-legacy

in transportation interconnecting America

 I think their driving is so polite

until the roadrager breaks in

until you imagine a getaway car

running a loop

inside the bank parking lot

 sorry

sirens

fire department

LAPD sedans

down crossing under

intricated bridges of pure solid

grey concrete

 I was affraid of nighttime downtown L.A.

it was this casual dystopical picture

 Welcome buddy, where are you from?

Colombiano? eh?

First time in L.A?

 Let´s see your reservation, OK,

let´s go

 that time the mini-van

dropped me at the Greyhound´s entrance

 this time I´m much of a

compact copilot

 here´s the thing:

it´s huge

I´m always looking through the window

 signs fill everything all around

 be fast, man, be smart

write it all down

while you can

 Again

inside the car

let´s run run run

70MPH

85MPH

expect the cops

slow down

 at the STOP sign,

watch out

 don´t even think of touching

a walking body

 you cannot really afford it

 slow down,

oh man, slow down

 the caffeine is mixed

with the oil tycoon state

going so fast you are late.

  STUPID FANCY HEIGHT:

 Well, the place smells good

we got background music

skim pop rock

and the knives, spoons and fork

are the real thing

engraved art-nouveau

the walls, the chromatics

of the whole

even the knapkins

feel so special

almost about to break

 the waitress recognices me

and him

and her

as others

 but she´s well trained and professional

and chic

 one portion is just

baked vegetables

lost in the middle of the dish

 of course, the omelette,

feels incomplete

 and that´s the strategy,

looks good, looks really fine

tastes good

just

 don´t feed the employees

we are supossed to be always unsatisfied

 HIP STAR:

 Cuz ´you know

is kinda like this

is kinda like that

and you don´t know

if you really like

 sort of not fresh

sort of edgy-vintage

it´s definitely recycled

skinny flip floppy

 one drop trashy, one half snoby

 normcore mixed

punkrock nerd

hardminimal (wannabe)

 hard hip, hip star

  normal panfashional straightjacket:

 Shinny no-one

goes massive

 no gimmickry

wants to be himself clean

wants a non-semiotical bridge to any kind

but a Mao

in the armie of the self-reflection

he´s a militant

 a mirror without light

 DIRT GIRL:

 I love your hair

because is greasy

                             and bright

and your armpits stink like feathers

because they are

 I also love

the paint under your fingernails

 it is not just a matter about

ripped clothing or good old boots

 it´s ´cuz you don´t care,

cynic girl,

it´s because all the attention you don´t pay

 LAX MICE

 hay una pareja de ratones

en al sala de espera

 y todos hacen escándalo

hasta quieren matarlos

 pero qué,

si aquí todos llegan

con ganas de quedarse

porqué no dejarlos vivir?

 DO STUPID

 kick rocks

kick´em all

talk fast

walk & talk

 chew, chew

choke, choke

and then chop the head off

 fuck, fuck,

snif, buzz, fuck

 tell a joke

tell me more

tell the story you don´t know

 SLAVE LABOUR MAKES HAPPY RICH BITCH:

 so nice to wear new kicks

we all wish we had more

omg i wanna be a hip hop star

omfg i wanna wanna Iguana

 so cool nobody has mine

I´m special in terms of stuff

I collect because I can

it makes me powerfully chic

interesting & globalized

 look at this wonder crap

 shit, it fullfills my desires

this neverending thirst

 different packages

fake new smiles

 ALASKA AIR EMERGENCY ROW

FILA DE EMERGENCIA ALASKA

 Me tocó este gordo

asistente de vuelo/soldado encubierto/agente contra el terrorismo

sentado al lado

 silla 17E

en sánduche

entre este gordote

y un mexicano patrocinado por adidas

 a la hora de la merienda

le trajeron una cada Deli deluxe

primero

y luego le vieron el hambre

y recibió otro sánduche caliente

 we take credit or debit only,

ah si? pues

mire usted esta tarjeta

de crédito NarcoBanco

está chimba

pero hágale la pasada

 y me salió gratis la corona extra

y ni siquiera así ha dejado

este gordo mono

de tragar tortillitas con chili light

 y le encanta fisgonear

mi passboard not doubleSS

 pero el mono gordo ni saluda

no quiere que lo saluden

porque es un gordo

white supremachista

 no hablo español [gringo accent]

 El gordis está que se duerme,

le tocó al lado

un cabrón alterado

en proceso de transición

espaciotemporal

y con un fineliner 0.1 afilado

por años de escribir

una serie asistemática de mariconerías homofóbicas

y resentimientos socioeconómicos,

intentos de insurrección gramatical

e imitaciones de rockanroll

 y ahora me dieron café

 gordo gringo

no te cabe el culo en el asiento

 Hey, que grosería y procacidad

 puta madre

estética Prozac

le llamamos

 -I don´t know

 pero déjame escribir

también putadas

que de eso también se trata

 El gordo anda sano jugando celular

 Y usted, señor Uribe

anda, para variar, rayado

 ¡Ja! típico,

aprenda a volar.

 Coffee Beat

 Ha, ha, ha

Ja, Ja, Ja

 one more time

and black

 no sugar

no milk

no cream at all

 just one just another one

 a smoke

in between seems fine

 and join me for a walk

 sip a little hot sip a little hot warm

sip blow the aroma

sip blow watch out

 sip sip sip

release the smoke

sip the blackbrown sip

the fluid inside my skin

 Sobrevalorado:

 Lo que a mi me gusta es que me hablen español

español castellano latinoamericano

me parece mejor la comunicación

 el sonido de la eñe

es algo que extraño

 y las cadencias de los dialectos

del Norte y del Sur

 en general

que lo sepan hablar

                             maniobrar

                             con lugares siempre

lejos de la previsibilidad

 cuando alguno llega de volar

y extrae de su aventura

alguna muestra de lengua fresca

 pues venga para acá

ñero macarra txocoflan

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