#whoop have a banana

[yourheartinyourmouth]

me listening to Mockery Manor for the 100th time: oh ho ho not quite Bette

[aquanutart]

I made this because I didn’t know how to remove wearables from my pets

(Quiggler views all clothing with the same excitement as someone about to hold up two donuts over their eyes)

[cobaltfluff]

christmas with the besties(?)!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

its 2am im posting the friend i made for Derry since they looked lonely. they're partners in crime except not bc Derry is too sleepy to participate past the idea stage

jesterly is not their real name 💅 their pronouns are whatever is funniest in the moment 💅 also i would punch them in the face if given the chance and they would deserve it

[lyraeon]

holy fuck I want to write so bad I am ready to gnaw on a wooden railing

but I can't get any words to brain

[dannidorina]

I hope my rvb mutuals (2017-8 and 2020) understand that I have never left the mainecarwash train and I am always thinking about them. Always.

[facetheravenwood]

put Oh Pretty Woman on my work playlist so i can have a crumb of serotonin at work

[sashayed]

i've been making a lot of bad art lately which is one of the world's most healing activities but if you have perfectionist tendencies you really have to commit to volume (if you make ONE bad painting it's just a bad painting whereas if you make 20 it's a meditative practice!). unfortunately we live in a one bedroom apartment and now we have to commit a significant portion of our storage to bad paintings. i would recycle them but unfortunately i need spare bad paintings to weave together into bad papercraft!!

anyway so i decided to move my bad artmaking into a new, smaller sphere and make bad linocuts. and let me tell you. if you are trying to get past thinking "my art should be good," linocut is a wonderful teacher. everything can be going great and then you exert slightly too much palm pressure and WHOOPS! sliced the face off. luckily the craft is so niche that negative self-talk can't really stick to it. i'll think something like "everybody else's linocuts are perfect. nobody else fucked up their linocut of a hot lady sphinx." and this is such a patently bananas sentence that i can simply laugh fondly at it and continue hacking away at my little rubber square. recommend

[nevertheless-moving]

Gotta figure that at least 50% of those spidermans were very delibrately not putting their all into the big chase scene, bare minimum 10% actively sabotaging. like oh no we're on a train to the moon, guess we're stuck and can't go after him anymore.

Please.

Running in a pack, big crowd of the chattiest superheros to ever live (and theres a lot of chatty fucking superheroes), several dozen of them with front row seats to the big reveal-

"so why are we after this kid?" "He wants to stop one of his canon events" "his canon events?" "a canon event." "You mean-" "Wait what did she say, we're chasing this guy because he wants to keep his girlfriend from falling to her death?" "Uh. Not sure. Might be the childhood friend - watch your heads - turning evil thing." "I thought those were fixed points? Like you couldn't stop them no matter how much you time traveled back?" "There he is!" "Wait you have time travel?" "No but I heard the spider from earth 1116a-" "Wait if it's fixed then what's the harm in letting him try" "come on you know the multiverse-" "he's trying to keep his boyfriend from dying? Why the fuck are we chasing him?" "Well miguel said-" "you mean Grimdark angsty spiderman?" "Huh?" "No, not you, vampire - incoming, mind your legs - vampire grimdark angsty spiderman-" "oh, him. Isn't he a bit-" "I feel like the trying is what matters, i mean even if he fails-" "so he is a vampire!" "ummm yeah no hold up im not totally comfortable with this whole-" "who's trying to do what? Ooh, got line of sight on him, he's totally webbed in 3,2, AaAghh" "Oh shoot, haha I must have tripped on Spider-Banana-Man whoops, sorry -" "ugh whattever, lost the shot anyway" "Cant believe Spider-Rex boffed it like that, theyre usually great at ambush-" "I heard his uncle-" "No his dad-" "oof, thats-" "Wow is it just me or are we really tripping over each other today" "Hey do you know why we're chasing after this-"

[briardoll]

The Obey Me! Characters react to an MC who talks to themselves!

Lucifer actually thinks it’s kind of cute, but worries you may be lonely, or quite possibly mentally ill. He may ask why you talk to yourself so much so please assure him that you’re fine!!

Mammon thinks you’re crazy, “who likes talkin’ to themselves??” Maybe it’s a weird human thing, or maybe you’re just a weird human. Either way he’s gonna bust in and ask why you’re so passionate in your hatred for modern art. (The kind of stuff where they paint a canvas entirely blue or tape a banana to a canvas and call it art. <- defo isn’t something I’M passionately hateful about (¬_¬))

Levi understands completely what it’s like to have to converse with yourself because you know nobody else understands/cares about what you’re saying. Comes in and tries his best to listen and understand your thoughts!

Satan stands outside and eavesdrops on what you’re saying, uses the information he earns to one-up his brothers by knowing what you like/dislike without ever having asked or being told directly. It creeps you out until you come out of your room unexpectedly and catch him spying.

Asmo will originally think that your live-streaming something and check all your socials, (why would you stream without telling him!? He wants to watch every second you know!) when there are no lives to be found, he comes in and asks to help film the deviltube video with you, realizing there’s no video to film either he decides to get in on the conversation and even agrees with what you’re saying! He never knew you had that much in common before!!

Beel thinks you must be hallucinating, it’s because you haven’t eaten enough of course!! He brings you your favorite meals, drinks, and snacks so that you can regain your mental stability. You tell him that you just talk to yourself to get your thoughts out somewhere and it confuses him, he’s a man of not too many words, and if it’s not about food he’s doesn’t usually pay enough attention to form an opinion. Eats snacks with you and listens to what you have to say.

Belphie thinks you talk way too much about things that aren’t important. Does laugh when he hears about the time a cicada flew in your mouth one summer as a child. “So you’ve never known how to keep your mouth shut, huh?” Whoops, gave himself away, now you know he’s there!!! (Definitely never happened to me and I’m definitely NOT speaking from experience! Actually… yes it did. I’m scared of cicadas TO. THIS. DAY.)

Diavolo thinks you talk to yourself because he doesn’t make enough time for you! He feels bad that you feel the need to talk to yourself because he’s made you so lonely! Please promise him that he did nothing wrong! He’ll still deploy a little D. To be your conversation partner when he’s busy with paperwork.

Barbatos only requests that you speak to yourself quietly, the young lord is working you know! At least now he knows your likes and dislikes better and can better cater to your needs. (him and Satan have similar mindsets in this regard)

Simeon wonders in you’re recording some kind of podcast. He’s never found it online, but it doesn’t bother him because he can listen from right outside your door. Is always excited to know what the next episode is about!

Luke comes in and asks you if you’re sick, when you tell him no, he asks if you’re lonely. You could’ve just asked him to talk! Baked some sweets and shares them with you while you talk about your common interests.

Solomon responds randomly to your rhetorical questions from outside the door. You tell him to go away and that you weren’t talking to him, just when you think he’s gone he answers you again and laughs, it’s now a fun game for him to play when he visits you.

Thirteen plays pranks on you while you do it, knocks on the door really hard and then hides so that when you open it nobody’s there! Will go to the electrical breaker in the house and switch the lights in your room on and off to hear you scream in terror.

Raphael thinks a curse might’ve been placed on you, asks if he needs to rain spears onto the person who did this to you, you tell him that no, you weren’t cursed, you’re just like this. He now thinks you are very odd and may possibly need some kind of mental help.

Mephisto will not tolerate your stupidity. If there is nobody in the room, you simply don’t speak, you aren’t filming a video, you aren’t talking on the phone, and you’re certainly not normal for acting like this! Cease it at once!

[queerfables]

A dash of nutmeg...

Look I feel a bit like I'm throwing soup at a dart board and calling it analysis, but I have some thoughts about Aziraphale's magic words in episode 4, and it's going to kill me if I don't share.

The thing is, these words have been nagging at me since I heard them. They sounded familiar, and I've been trying to figure out why. Today, it finally clicked.

Banana. Fish. Gorilla.

Those initial three words are all key words from Crowley and Aziraphale's drunken conversation about Armageddon. It's right at the start of things, when Crowley convinces Aziraphale to help him stop the world from ending.

We'll start with the fish, because they come up first.

"The point I'm trying to make," [Crowley] said, brightening, "is the dolphins. That's my point." "Kind of fish," said Aziraphale.

Their entire exchange here is hilarious and iconic but I'll try to keep this to the point. After some banter about the difference between fish and mammals, Crowley argues that dolphins don't deserve to be caught in the crossfire when the kraken rises and the seas boil. Which conveniently brings us to:

"Same with gorillas. Whoops, they say, sky gone all red, stars crashing to ground, what they putting in the bananas these days?"

Banana. Fish. Gorilla. It got me curious, so I searched for other places these words show up in the book. There's nothing I think is really significant: a couple of things are described as banana flavoured, fish show up in rains that herald the impending doomsday, gorillas aren't ever mentioned again. If I'm on the right track at all, I think this part is here to signpost a connection between this string of words from the show and the specific moments in the book.

If that's true, it must be pointing to something. What's left? Shoe lace and nutmeg.

Shoe lace.

The word "shoelace" isn't actually in Good Omens. Neither is "shoe lace" with a space in between. There's a couple of unremarkable descriptions involving shoes, and one miraculously conjured lace handkerchief, and then - and then. Right at the very end of the story, we have Adam, grounded by his parents, being described as "a scruffy Napoleon with his laces trailing, exiled to a rose-trellissed Elba". It's tenuous. I could dismiss that as nothing. Except Adam's laces show up again, and it's the very last passage of the book.

If you want to imagine the future, imagine a boy and his dog and his friends. And a summer that never ends. And if you want to imagine the future, imagine a boot . . . no, imagine a sneaker, laces trailing, kicking a pebble; imagine a stick, to poke at interesting things, and throw for a dog that may or may not decide to retrieve it; imagine a tuneless whistle, pounding some luckless popular song into insensibility; imagine a figure, half angel, half devil, all human . . . Slouching hopefully towards Tadfield . . . . . . forever.

I'm not ready to say much about what I think the significance of this passage might be. But an allusion to the book's ending does feel significant, doesn't it?

The one thing I will say, for people who may not know, is that this passage is riffing on a line from Orwell's 1984. The line it's playing on is a lot darker: "If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – for ever." I think it's probably relevant that this is referencing a book about a totalitarian regime. I also think it's probably relevant that it's taking that reference and twisting it into something much sweeter, more optimistic and empowered.

I'm still thinking through all the connections and implications, though.

Nutmeg.

And that brings us to "nutmeg". I have to be honest, I wasn't hopeful. I didn't remember any references to it and if I were betting, I wouldn't have put money on it appearing in the book at all. But the word does show up, and it shows up exactly once. Crowley is reminiscing about a cocktail he had once, made out of fermented date-palms. It's part of a conversation with Aziraphale, where they discuss losing the Antichrist. And here's the really interesting part:

"You said it was him!" moaned Aziraphale, abstractedly picking the final lump of cream-cake from his lapel. He licked his fingers clean. "It was him," said Crowley. "I mean, I should know, shouldn't I?" "Then someone else must be interfering." "There isn't anyone else! There's just us, right? Good and Evil. One side or the other." He thumped the steering wheel. "You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you, down there," he said. "I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to one up there," said Aziraphale. "Come off it. Your lot get ineffable mercy," said Crowley sourly. "Yes? Did you ever visit Gomorrah?" "Sure," said the demon. "There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date-palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass-" "I meant afterwards." "Oh."

Book Aziraphale differs from his characterisation in the show in a few ways, and this is the big one. In the book, Aziraphale is much more cynical about his own side, and much more aware of heaven's flaws. Here, he's convincing Crowley that the threat heaven poses is just as serious as any threat from hell.

If I'm right about any of this, if these nonsense words mean anything at all, I think they are saying that heaven and hell are two sides of the same very nasty coin, and more to the point, that maybe Aziraphale is more aware of it than he seems.

I need to think about this more, still. I'm not sure if I really think this connection is something, and if it is, I'm still figuring out what sorts of conclusions we might draw from it. But if the script is trying to point us to these three sections of the book, maybe there's a deeper analysis to be had here.

I do think it's interesting that the last two words each only show up in one section of the book. It's not like I'm skipping around trying to decide which passage involving shoe laces is most relevant - it shows up twice, only in the last few pages of the book and only in relation to Adam (and in particular, humanising Adam. He's Napoleon in exile, but he's a kid with trailing laces. His future isn't a boot stamping on a human face, it's a sneaker with those same trailing laces - and a stick that his dog can choose whether or not to chase).

I could talk myself in circles on this point, so I guess I've got to open it up to the floor. Am I making something out of nothing with this? Or do you think there could be something here?

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt for lottie behind the cut; a pocketful of Kons. (( chrono || non-chrono ))

He’s the only one who cares about that, Bart guesses, since nobody else has to.

So it sucks, yeah. 

It really, really sprocking sucks. 

Helen sighs, her shoulders slumping, then glances back towards the TV. Bart finishes off the last bar and throws the box and wrappers away and glowers at the stupid grilled cheese that’s taking forever and then grabs a couple of bananas and eats them too and then gets back to the couch just in time to see Match start nibbling testingly at his own little chunk of protein bar and Helen finishing turning back to the TV. 

“Is this still on?” he asks, squinting dubiously at it. It’s still the news, and on top of that still footage of the maybe-armored/maybe-robot guy. How much of that do they even have, geez. 

A lot, he guesses. 

“It’s been less than five seconds, Bart,” Helen says, looking frustrated for a moment–a million-billion moments, at Bart’s speed–and then just sighs again. “You need to stop spending so much time in subjective time. It’s doing nothing for your patience.” 

“I guess,” Bart replies with a shrug, and then Helen doesn’t say anything back for so long that he forgets what they were talking about to begin with and runs back to the kitchen for another banana. He forgot to save a bite of the first two for Match to try, and maybe he’ll like ‘em or at least he’ll like getting brought ‘em ‘cuz he liked him setting up the mirrors and stuff for him and why’s he always have to slow down, why can’t anyone else just grifin’ speed up for– 

“Bart!” Helen shouts out of nowhere, and Bart trips over the coffee table coming back into the living room and, uh. Whoops. 

Ow, he thinks from the floor, blinking up at her as Match immediately drops his protein bar chunk and starts screeching at her, for like . . . some reason? 

Bart’ll figure it out later, he guesses. 

“What was that for?” he asks her with a frown. Helen looks frustrated, and Match zips over and starts pushing at his face with his tiny little super-strong hands, for . . . some other reason, Bart guesses, he really doesn’t know. “Stop squishing my face. Why are you squishing my face? It’s annoying.” 

Match scowls at him, then grabs onto both of his cheeks and squishes them together. 

“I think you’re kind of a brat,” Bart says, squinting sourly at him. “Did I tell you I think you’re kind of a brat yet? ‘Cuz I definitely do think that.” 

He really definitely thinks that, yeah. 

“Imp,” Match says accusingly. Bart doesn’t really feel like that’s an answer, really? 

Then again it’s not like Match knows any other words yet and he definitely doesn’t know any Pocket-talk, so that’s probably kinda unavoidable and– 

“Please focus, Bart,” Helen says, pinching the bridge of her nose. “If this is your soulmate on the news . . .” 

“Oh, he’s probably not,” Bart says with a shrug, because Match really seemed annoyed when he asked if the guy on the news was him or not. “Especially if he’s Superman. She’s? They’re? I dunno, I didn’t figure out if they’re piloting a robot yet or not, so who knows.” 

Helen–frowns, and lowers her hand away from her face to give him a weird look. Bart pretends it’s not a weird look. It’s fine. He’s just–it’s fine. That’s all. 

“Bart, your soulmate is Superman,” Helen says. 

“Oh, yeah,” Bart agrees. “But he’s not that Superman. Like, the first guy, I mean. The first guy’s still gonna be dead for like–ummm, what’s the date again?” 

Helen stares at him some more. 

Bart doesn’t fidget. 

At least not slow enough for her to see, anyway. 

“Pretty sure the robot guy isn’t the first Superman either,” he says. “Superman’s real big on people seeing his face. And doesn’t even wear gloves or anything. But like, especially the face thing, right?” 

“Why do you think your soulmate isn’t Superman, Bart?” Helen asks carefully. 

“‘Cuz I asked Match?” Bart replies, wondering why that’s even, like, a question? Obviously he asked Match. A) it’s super-obvious, and b) why would he not ask Match? Who else would even know, anyway? 

“You . . . asked him,” Helen repeats slowly, staring blankly at him again. 

“Yeah,” Bart says, still wondering why this is even a question. “Like, he’d know. And also I wasn’t actually allowed to leave the house and I don’t have the Fortress of Solitude’s phone number or anything so–” 

“Bart,” Helen cuts in, glancing sidelong at the TV for a moment, and then down at Match. “If he’s not Superman, then who is he?” 

“I dunno,” Bart says. “Maybe he’s Nightwing, actually."

“Who?” Helen looks bewildered. Bart squints at her. Do they not have Nightwing yet? At least one of them, anyway? 

“I mean, there’s been a lot of Supermen, and I guess a lot of them looked pretty much the same?” he says, then shrugs purposelessly. Not that he ever really paid attention to all that ancient history stuff, just he vaguely remembers hearing about it a couple times. “I guess, anyway. Though maybe he’s Supergirl, actually, I guess she looks kinda like Superman sometimes too. Match, are you Supergirl?” 

Match fixes him with the most dubious look in the world, then gestures pointedly at himself. Bart has absolutely no idea what said gesturing means, but okay, he guesses. 

“I don’t think he’s Supergirl either,” he tells Helen. ”Though if he is maybe somebody should ask her about her pronoun preferences?” 

Helen looks a little stressed, for some reason. Bart doesn’t get it. She starts to open her mouth to say something–and takes a subjective month about it–but gets interrupted when the front door opens and Max walks in through it. 

Max looks at Helen’s stressed expression and then at Match’s dubious look and then at Bart, and then he sighs. Bart–prickles, kind of.

It doesn’t feel good, that Max sighed like that about him. 

Not like it ever does, though.

[phoenixyfriend]

Star Wars AU Masterlist: General AUs

Navigation Post

Fun fact, tumblr allows 250 links on the old editor and 100 in the new. So. Network of masterlists. This is one of sixteen masterposts I have for Star Wars. These are just the most ‘generic’ of the AUs.

(Also this post has been randomly deleted at least once so uhhhh great thanks to the wayback machine holy shit.)

RANDOM AUS IN CANONVERSE

Misconceptions AU

Fem!Obi-Wan - not the same AU, but related: hair and makeup

Magically attractive Obi-Wan

Obi-Wan is Immortal (and it’s not great for his self preservation)

Padme/Sabe timeline

Jedi who leave the Order as a way to save it

“AUs where Obi-Wan gets adopted by Mandalorians” but I made it pro-Jedi and also Obitine

I did not know that about Haiti, whoops

Omegaverse Jedi should be LESS intense about sexism, not more

Pre-TPM

Obi-Wan fakes his death on Melida/Daan

Dooku knows Jango before Galidraan AU

Slutty Xanatos

Sharad Hett finds baby Anakin in Mos Espa and has to Deal With That

Shake that (Stewjoni) Bagpipe - various instruments with various characters

Anakin & Obi-Wan age swap, ft. Anakin and Satine being saltmates

Mand’alor Satine

Rael finds and keeps Komari - Expanded

Force-Sensitive Satine Kryze

Xanatos-Obi age swap (Xanatos/Bo-Katan)

Aayla/Bo-Katan meet during The Year On The Run

Quinlan meets toddler Anakin pre-canon, and Obi-Wan has a contact on-planet (Shmi) when TPM comes around

Raised a Sith Anakin, except Dooku snaps up Anakin and his mom from Mustafar since he’s better at Childcare than Sidious (who is annoyed at this situation)

That time Qui-Gon turned into a tree (via @willowcrowned, with fic by @smilebackwards)

Pre-TCW

Anakin&Obi-Wan, Jedi Stuff

Anakin’s paternal DNA came from Palpatine via Sith Magic

Anakin Skywalker, Secret Son of a Disgraced King

* Kick Up Your Heels - The Summary

Drag Queen AU - Oh, That’s Just Ben

Obi-Wan Wins a Moon

Tiniest Assistant Teacher

Anakin Loses his Connection to the Force, Time For Career Guidance - Addendum

Amnesiac Qui-Gon

Taking out Obi-Wan Kenobi (MaulObi)

Murder Puppy Anakin

Anakin the Snake - This AU is in the Wider AUs masterlist

One of several reasons Qui-Gon may not have been the best teacher for Anakin

Anakin’s teenage rebellion

Through strange coincidence, Obi-Wan and Shmi are actually stepsiblings

The Jedi are Kyber

Best masters for Anakin when Obi-Wan and Mace aren’t available

Obikin Sleeping Beauty AU - TCW Anakin finds a hot guy in cryo, turns out it’s Qui-Gon’s missing padawan from like twelve years ago

Mandalorian and Clone Stuff

Bo-Katan Decides She’s Siding With Family

* Kamino Belongs to the Clones (ft. banana)

Secret Clones AU

Anakin finds the clones a year early

In which Bo-Katan, or possibly Jango, breaks the cycle of violence that raised them

The Darksaber Picks Satine

Sith&Other Stuff

Ventress vs. Absolute Primogeniture

Maul ‘acquires’ Ferus Olin

Dooku Acquires a YA Sith Maul, following up on Sidious’s notes: I can teach you the ways of the Dark Side. Dooku, following literal decades of habit: …I can domesticate him.

Dooku becomes Count of Serenno… and brings the Jedi with him

Dooku hasn’t Fallen yet, and adopts teen Ventress, who has

An Accountant in Theed

Parenting Focus

Obitine Raise Anakin, ft. Grampa Dooku

* Mand’Alor Korkie Kenobi

The secret accidental Obitine baby isn’t Korkie, it’s Bo-Katan - Bokkin addendum

Obitine’s Pregnancy Scare

Obi, Protect Them

She’s Little Sister Shaped

Power Limiter Robes

Quinlan’s Smear Campaign

Artoo and Threepio adopt Boba

* Congratulations, Master Jinn, It’s a Boy!

Anakin isn’t human and reproduces via Space Parthenogenesis (and possibly lays an egg)

A “Stewjoni are all capable of pregnancy” fic where Obi-Wan offers to have Bail and Breha’s heir for them

Calligraphy I prompted from @theshitpostcalligrapher

Bo-Katan is Korkie’s bio mom, but got him removed to finish gestation in a tube (like clones) as soon as she found out because she was sixteen and not at all ready

Transmasc Obi-Wan babytraps ‘escaped Naboo intact’ Maul, who is now having difficulty deciding what to do with himself - Why we love MaulObi

TCW

Main: Anakin

Anakin Assists the Jedi Council While On Medical Leave (with a Horrible Miscommunication Addendum by @willowcrowned) - Now with a longform (and really good) fic on AO3! Sith Lightning, Paperwork, and Other Extreme Sports by @deadstarsrisingsblog

Chip Reactivation AU

The Romance Movie Curse - Ficlet written by @chaoticevilbean

Deserters? What deserters?

Anakin accidentally used the Force to make people like him, and is now panicking in an attempt to undo All of it (especially Padme)

Mace gets de-aged, hooks up with Anakin (much to the distress of Obi-Wan and Depa)

* Ficlet: Because I Fell Too

In for a Penny (Anakin confesses to the Tuskens)

Truth Serum AU (Anakin confesses to the Tuskens) - It’s all fun and games until it isn’t

In Which Palpatine Leaves the Door Open (Anakin confesses to the Tuskens) - A conjugal visit

Voluntary servitude (slavery) as the highest form of penitence and reparation on Tatooine, Anakin’s apology to the Tuskens - A different response - The context of Anakin’s childhood

Anakin invents a twin brother

Undercover Anakin&Mace have to pretend to be father and son

Anakin becomes aware of the fourth wall and ‘solves’ his problems by leaking nudes and otherwise fucking up his life “The way to break free of a story’s gravity is to consider every possible option and then pick the one that makes the absolute least sense.”

Sith Heir Anakin arranged marriage to second daughter of Mandalore Bo-Katan

Everyone Anakin meets is obsessed with keeping him safe post-Mortis and he hates it (horror)

Main: Obi-Wan

Mandalorian Mamma Mia (AKA Korkie lies about his dad)

(Most Obi-Wan focused AUs are in other lists).

Main: Ahsoka

Ahsoka gets Winter-Soldiered (This already exists and is much better than I could have managed)

Artificially Evil Ahsoka (Mortis had some lasting effects)

Ahsoka accidentally becomes a Film Noir Private Detective after leaving the Jedi, and derails all of Palpatine’s plots

Ahsoka’s crush on Barriss is “notice me senpai”

Bosoka arranged marriage when?

Main: Disaster Trio

Ghost on the Wire AU

* Anakin’s DNA Wish

Even Ventress Sees You’re Dad - Anakin talks too much

Disaster Lineage on SpaceTube

SW Prequels “Watch Your Own Series” AU (chrono)

Anakin & Barriss

Obi-Wan joins Dooku in AotC as a ploy to gather information, fails upwards

Anakin Accuses Obi-Wan of being Blonde

Sudden Soulmarks

Ahsoka accidentally outs Palpatine as a Sith through the use of incomprehensible emoji jibberish

Main: Clones

In which Cody and Rex Accidentally God-Mode - Kix Fights Rex’s Blood

Furbie the Coruscant Guard

Clint and Matt

Ghost Kitten Clones

Keep the Jedi Out of It, now with art by @lemoneste

In Which Fox Arrests His Boss - On a Technicality

Bly’s Glitching Brain Chip

Commander Fox is the Organas’ sugar baby (non-sexual, mostly)

Rex/Ventress - stranded together

Sponsor a Battalion

Fox arrests some senators for littering

Cody and Fox become building safety inspectors post-war

Clones deserve to be frat boys. Also date Anakin.

Rex/Barriss, in which Barriss is Fucked Up (but trying to do better)

Echo takes Dogma under his wing

Main: Other

Sidious and the Worst Kidnapping Ever

Who Gave Ventress the Keys? - Additions by others

Yoda commits a murder, blames the dementia

Shrink ‘em

Necromancied Qui-Gon kidnaps Ventress (she’s a Free Grad Student) - Addendum

Ventress Gets Married to Fuck Up Sidious’s Day

Dookasta interviews/negotiations, TCW as the galaxy’s ugliest divorce

Korkie picks up the Darksaber, and sees Dead Mand’alore

Satine manages to piss off both sides of the war by taking in defecting clones

Parenting Focus

Ahsoka Steals a Baby

Rattatak Death Swap

Baby 501st Legion

Oh, So THAT’S What People Think

Fairy Jango Fett

* Big Sis ‘Soka

Anakin volunteers to be a surrogate (the timing is… not optimal)

Trans Anakin explains that he is NOT the father

* Implications of a Miracle Pregnancy

If Obi-Wan gets pregnant, Anakin’s going to be the one getting invested in the future nibling

Grieving with Newborns (Padme still dies, and Anakin goes to Obi-Wan for help) - Addendum - Addendum 2

Ventress gets pregnant as a get-out-of-jail card

Anakin and Obi-Wan babytalk the twins differently

Post-O66

* Eldritch Ahsoka (1k plus notes)

- Speaker of Mortis

The Mortis Song

Emperor Bail - Addendum

Pirate Mace (Mace survives O66, joins Hondo) - Tax Evasion

Yularen’s Radio Show

Yularen undercover on the Death Star (feeding info to the Rebellion)

* When Vader Fails (in the Wrong Direction) (quick note)

* Owen Needs a Favor

Korkie gets dragged along on Bo-Katan’s insurgency plots

What’s Korkie Up To?

Barriss breaks out of prison and incidentally joins up with Rex

Barriss breaks out of prison and finds Ahsoka because she needs an external moral compass

Quinlan finds, frees, and press-gangs Bly into helping him fuck up the Empire, in Aayla’s memory/honor

Ventress Bothers Darth Vader

Bo-Katan bothers Ben Kenobi

Vader hallucinates so intensely that he destroys the Empire because he talked to a ghost who was disappointed in him.

Vader gets turned into an anime waifu and everyone hates that

A trad Mando of Din’s type finds Merrin, and decides to return her to her people. The only one still alive that they know of is Ventress.

Padme’s Handmaidens: Let’s Scam The Empire Into Thinking Amidala Is Still Alive

Original Trilogy and Beyond

Han’s Anti-Force Force-Sensitivity

Bumbling Vampire Han Solo

The ghosts of all those murdered Jedi Kids are haunting Vader but he’s just… too pathetic for them to try that hard

Mace’s ghost mentors Luke - Jocasta’s ghost mentors Leia

ANH Obi-Wan pretends to be senile, lost, and politely befuddled on the Death Star when noticed by Stormtroopers

Rex and Wolffe, dying Cody

Boba Accidentally Acquires The Darksaber, And Now He Can’t Get Rid Of It

Vader skypes his kids from jail

Mpreg Vader - This AU is in the Wider AUs Masterlist

Trans Vaderkin pregnancy, prenatal addiction to the Dark Side - Followup

Darth Vader gets turned into a cute teen girl and makes it everyone’s problem

Luke finds Decrepit Old Hermit Dooku hiding out on some mountain and recruits him to the new Jedi School before anyone can tell him why that’s a bad idea

The Mandalorian:

Ahsoka’s got Beef (The Mandalorian)

Boba’s Older Brothers

No, REALLY Old

Whacking sticks

Maul’s Back - Now with art by @its-not-a-pen

What I would want out of The Mandalorian            

Bo-Katan knows Luke is Vader’s kid, keeps her mouth shut

Bo-Katan fucking with Obi-Wan’s Ghost

Get some actual Mando’a in here, Disney, you cowards

BobaDin but Fennec’s making fun of Boba the whole time

Satine is one of the darksaber ghosts - Addendum

Tradition as Din’s Covert vs. Tradition as Death Watch

Middle-Aged Foppish Duke in Distress Korkie is very enamored by Mand’alor Din regularly rescuing him

[feelingsdumpcaptain]

her heart isn't gone

A/N: this is literally just a bunch of drabbles put into one post :') and yes, maybe i was listening to his car isn't yours on repeat as i worked on this. i haven't written in awhile so i'm a little rusty but i can't keep editing this so sorry for any inconsistencies.

Words: 8.6k (haha whoops!)

Emily briskly makes her way toward the cafe near the hotel, hoping to get a chance at a pastry. She could feel the sun warming her back and she regrets the blazer thrown over her longsleeve. It was peak summer and the team arrived in Carmel late last night so the heat hadn’t set in yet. Now that she feels the heat early this morning, she wonders how much warmer it can get.

She tugs on the cafe door, the smell of freshly baked goods surrounding her. Her mouth waters and her stomach rumbles as she considers the different options.

Lemon blueberry muffin, almond croissant, cheese strudel, banana bread…

She decides on the lemon blueberry muffin but just as she’s about to ask for it, she watches as they take the last one and place it into a bag. Her eyes follow, seeing them hand it over to a woman at the register and sighs. 

Emily makes her way to the front and glances at the coffee menu. “Hi, one salted cream vanilla latte and an almond croissant, please.” 

Once she pays, she steps off to the side and pulls out her phone to check for any messages. 

JJ (5:53 AM): Is anyone up for a run? Morgan (6:03 AM):  Sorry, some of us have already finished our workout ;) Garcia (8:48 AM): Do you people ever sleep???

Emily huffs a small laugh. She goes to reply but hears her name called for her order and puts her phone away. She grabs her drink and croissant and goes to throw a ‘thanks!’ over her shoulder as she heads out. As excited as she is about her drink, it’s short-lived when she feels herself bump into someone else. She only loses her breath from the impact but the coffee in her hand falls from her grip and spills.

She glances down and her eyes meet yours, the one who took the last lemon blueberry muffin. Emily can admit she finds you pretty, even with the dazed look on your face as you look up at Emily. She can feel the heat rush to her face when she realizes she’s just been staring and offers her hand to help you up. 

“Are you alright?” Emily asks, giving a gentle tug. Her eyes scan your clothes. “Did the coffee spill on you?”

You shake your head, cheeks going pink. “I’m okay, thank you. No coffee stains either.”

Emily’s chest flutters at the flush on your cheeks, keeping her smile small. “As long as you’re not hurt.”

You wave your hand. “Really, I’m okay. Just embarrassed. Here.” You hold out the white paper bag, and Emily realizes it’s the muffin she wanted.

“Oh, no. I can’t.”

“I insist! Please. You spilled your coffee. Or I could buy you another?”

Emily glances at her watch and winces. “I don’t think I have enough time to wait for another one. It’s okay.”

You push the bag into Emily’s free hand. “Take it. It’s delicious. They’re known for these muffins here.” 

“Oh, okay. Thank you, then. I’m still really sorry about bumping into you. I guess I wasn’t paying much attention.” 

“No worries. I could say the same for myself.” You rub the back of your neck. “I’m kinda known for being clumsy around town. Anyway, I better go before I embarrass myself even more. If you see me here again, let me know and I’ll buy you your coffee!” You give Emily a small wave and head out. 

*

Emily leans back in her seat, glancing out of the cafe window. She arrived earlier than expected, and the cafe was still quiet. She was able to grab two of the lemon blueberry muffins right as they came out of the oven, two resting on the table. She could feel the chill in the air, but her iced latte probably didn’t help.

She hears the bell over the door ring, her eyes glancing over. Her eyes meet yours, a small smile on her lips.

“You’re here early.” You sit across from her and reach for one of the muffins.

“More like late night. I haven’t exactly slept yet, but I didn’t want to risk sleeping through the morning.”

You grin and bat your eyelashes. “Aw, you didn’t want to miss our morning munchies?”

Emily lets out a huff. “Please don’t call it that.”

“But that’s what we do.” You take a bite of the muffin, glancing at the iced coffee Emily held onto. “Is that your salted cream latte?”

Emily’s eyes narrow, pulling the drink a bit closer to her. “Maybe. Why?”

Your eyes go wide and your lips pull into a small pout. “Can I have a sip?”

“What? Why? You don’t even like the cream on top! You’ve tried this latte multiple times and each time, you say you don’t like it.” 

“What if I change my mind this time?”

Emily laughs. “You won’t.”

*

“Are you following me?”

Emily rolls her eyes. “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Well, I live here so I should be asking you that question.” You bump your shoulder into Emily, a smile on your face. “Who told you about my secret getaway?”

Emily laughs. “Secret getaway? It’s the beach.”

“Yeah, but this spot in particular. It’s away from the main boardwalk and it’s hidden.” 

Emily grins, leaning into you. “I have my ways.”

“Uh-huh. So you are stalking me.”

“Stalking? Please, you flatter yourself.”

You let out a small laugh, enjoying the warmth from Emily’s body. “I’m surprised you’re not working. How did you get a Saturday night off?”

“Told ‘em I had a hot date.”

*

“Hey, I wanted to tell you something.” Emily rubs at the inside of her wrist, just below her watch. She tries to look at you but can’t bring herself to, focusing on the empty plate between them. 

“What’s up?” You wipe at the table with a napkin, gathering the crumbs into a single spot.

“Well, we caught the guy last night so I’ll be leaving soon.”

“Oh.” You pause and look at Emily. “How soon?”

“Two hours?” Emily winces at the look on your face. “I’m sorry. We’re very… we move around, and fast.”

You can only nod.

“It’s not like I haven’t been enjoying our… us. I just can’t stay.”

“No, I understand. I mean, I knew that from the start. I just wasn’t expecting you to leave so fast after you caught him. I thought you might get like, a day or two off.”

“As nice as that sounds, that rarely happens. You know what they say.”

“...What?”

Emily sits up straight and clears her throat, her voice lowering. “Crime never sleeps.”

You groan. “Ew, don’t ever say that again, please.”

*

“Hey, are you up for drinks tonight?” 

Emily glances up from her computer screen, finding JJ leaning against her desk.

“Ah, not tonight. I’ve… got plans.” Emily hopes JJ doesn’t push but this is the third time she’s missed out on drinks with the team. “Next time?”

JJ’s eyes narrow, staring at Emily.

“Stop trying to profile me.”

“Only if you tell me why you haven’t been out with us for the past three Friday nights. The first time, fine, we get it. The second time, it’s a little suspicious. But the third time? You are not getting out of it without an explanation. I will tell Garcia on you.”

Emily huffs, leaning back into her chair. “I have plans.” She holds a finger up. “That I cannot cancel or reschedule.”

“Uh-huh. And does it, by any chance, have anything to do with a certain woman from a certain beach town we may have been in recently?” JJ’s smirking now, arms crossed. “And it wouldn’t be because she’s been visiting every weekend since then, would it?”

Emily only gapes at her. “How— who told you that? How do you even know about her?”

JJ shrugs. “I went on a run every morning there that no one ever showed up for. I ran through the whole town eventually and may have seen you at the same cafe around the same time with the same woman.”

“If you know, then why are you asking?”

“I didn’t but you just confirmed it for me.” JJ taps her desk with her knuckles before heading out. “Well, maybe next week you’ll bring her along. Goodnight, Emily!”

Emily only groans, dropping her head into her hands.

*

You step out onto the sidewalk, waving to the doorman. It was almost 8 and Emily was on her way. Your heart flutters in anticipation and you rock back and forth on your feet as you wait. 

The sight of headlights coming down the street catches your attention, and you follow with your eyes as it approaches. You recognize the Jeep and get in, eyes meeting Emily’s. 

“Hi,” you breathe out, hand brushing against the one resting the gear shift.

Emily gives you a small kiss on the edge of your lips, letting out a quiet hello before leaning back into her seat. “Ready?” 

Your seatbelt clicks into place. “Uh-huh. Where are we going on this exhilarating Friday night?”

“Exhilarating? I was thinking of taking you to my place to crochet.”

“Emily.” 

“What? You don’t want to spend quality time with me? Not to mention Sergio is just dying to meet you.” She pulls away from the curb, eyes focused.

“Oh, are you ready to introduce me to your family?” You tease, leaning close enough for her to feel your breath on her cheek. “Are we taking that next step so soon? You haven’t even taken me to bed yet.”

Emily’s hand immediately falls onto your thigh, her grip tight. “Don’t start.” She hesitates, before coming to a stop in a parking lot. “But… what do you think about it?” 

You abruptly pull away from her, eyebrows raised. “What do I think about meeting your family? Emily, we haven’t even… it’s only been–”

“No! No, I don’t mean my family. Well, I mean I do but I don’t mean my parents. I meant more like my team.” Emily grabs your hand, pulling it close to her lips. “I haven’t told them anything but they have their suspicions.”

“God, Em, don’t scare me like that.” You let out a shuddered breath, closing your eyes. “Why do you want me to meet them suddenly?”

“Just… it would be nice, I think, if I could spend time with the people I care most altogether?” She glances at you, eyes wide.

“Oh, you’re good.” 

*

You felt a paw lightly pat your face, the fur tickling your nose.

“Sergio, please. Five more minutes,” you groan. You turn over in bed, trying to bury your face in the pillow that still smells like Emily’s shampoo.

You hear a laugh from the other side of the room. “You should know better than that.”

“He’s your son, why isn’t he bothering you instead?”

“Because he knows that I have to get ready for work.” You hear Emily shuffling in her closet. “Hey, have you seen that blue button-up of mine, by chance?”

You pause, looking down at your body wearing that exact button-up. You pull the blanket up higher. “Uh, no, I haven’t. Might be in the dirty laundry pile? I can start it today while you’re at work.” 

“Yeah, that’d be great.” She grunts, putting her shoes on. “Also, what do you think we should have for dinner?”

“Whatever you want, babe.” You sigh, realizing sleep is no longer coming. 

Emily chuckles, sitting next to you. “I’ll see you later, okay? It’s supposed to be quick.” She presses a kiss onto your forehead. “And maybe we can…” 

You smack her with her pillow. “Let you in my pants one time and now it’s all you think about. Get outta here.”

She laughs, resting her body on top of yours. 

“Em! Please, I can’t breathe.” You push at her shoulders, laughing.

“You seem to be breathing just fine.” She relaxes her body even more, letting her full weight rest on you. “And I’ll have you know that you seduced me!”

“That’s not true! You’re the one who wined and dined me, showing off your fancy wine knowledge and your fancy French.”

“Fancy French?” Emily chuckles, rolling her eyes. “It’s just French, babe.”

She pushes herself up, adjusting her shirt before her eyes land on you. “Hey, that’s my shirt!”

“Oops?”

“You’re lucky I think you’re so cute.”

*

It starts with a small itch on your cheek during dinner that you brushed off. As you lean back into your seat as Emily drives, eyes drooping, you think it might be a stray hair tickling your face. Emily’s talking about possibly going out for drinks tomorrow night with her team but you’ve started to rub at your eyes. 

“Hey, you okay?” Emily’s brows furrow, watching you unable to keep your hands from your face. 

“I’m okay, my face just feels a little funny.” The skin of your face actually feels so tight, especially when you try to smile. “Hey, Em…”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Was there, by any chance, Thai eggplant in any of our dishes tonight?”

“I think the curry did. Why?” 

You huff out a laugh. “Oh no.” 

“Oh no, what? Should I be taking you to the ER?” Her voice is rising in pitch, eyes darting to try and think of the nearest ER. “Baby, you’re allergic? Why didn’t you tell me before? Oh God, do you need me to grab an EpiPen? Do you even have one?”

“Relax, Emily, I’m fine, and no need for an EpiPen. I’ll be okay, it’ll go away on its own. I’ll pop a Claritin and I should be okay.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re allergic? Are you allergic to anything else?” Emily’s biting onto her lower lip, eyes glancing over to you every few minutes. “Are you sure you don’t need to go to the ER?”

“I’m sure, but thank you for caring. And no, as far as I’m aware, I’m not allergic to anything else. I do try to stay away from fava beans though. Not allergic but it does make me feel nauseous.”

“Fava beans? What the hell are those?”

“It’s usually in like hummus and falafel, but I think you can make them into a dish itself? Not sure, but again, I stay away from it in general.”

“So hummus and falafel are banned from my house, got it.” 

“Emily, don’t be ridiculous. You can have those in your house, they’re not going to kill me.” You pat her thigh. “Thank you for your concern though.”

“What if you accidentally eat it?”

“Emily,” you chuckle. “What’s the hummus going to do, open its container, scoop itself onto a spoon, and force its way into my hand?”

*

You spin yourself around in Emily’s chair, staring at the ceiling and wondering what movie to watch tonight. It’d been a long day for you, your flight being delayed stranding you at the airport for a few hours. By the time your plane landed, it was late, and there weren’t many cabs around. It felt like every part of your trip was a challenge, and you were just glad to finally be near Emily.

You glance at the meeting room she’s in and can only wonder what she’s discussing with Hotch that has her looking so troubled. 

“Oh, Y/N, you’re here! How was the flight?” Penelope leans against Emily’s desk. “I saw it was delayed.”

“You saw?” You shake your head. “Wait, don’t answer that.”

Penelope grins, sending you a wink. “You should know better.”

“The flight was okay, definitely felt longer than usual. Then when I get here, there’s like no cabs at the airport. Which, fine, I get it, it’s late but seriously? And then when I try to get an Uber, the price is like triple the usual rate!” You roll your eyes, leaning back in the chair. “I should’ve just rented a car.”

“Well, at least you made it. Are we seeing you at all this weekend or is Emily hogging you for the whole time?” 

“Ah, well, I guess that’s up to Emily. I’m up for a girl’s night this weekend.” You tap at your chin. “There is a cocktail lounge I’ve been wanting to try but I think they’re only accepting reservations.” 

“Hm, interesting. I’m not making any promises but I’m gonna try and work some magic and see if I can get us on the list.” Penelope wiggles her eyebrows. “All you have to do is convince your big, bad girlfriend to say yes to sharing you.” 

“Not a chance, Garcia.” Emily’s standing behind her, arms crossed. 

“Aw, but Emily! We haven’t seen Y/N in so long and you always keep her to yourself every weekend.” 

“Yeah, Emily, stop hogging me,” you tease, leaning forward onto her desk.

She throws her hands up. “Fine, we can do a girl's night. Pick a place and time, Pen, but tonight, we’re busy.” Emily tugs at your arm, pulling you to the exit.

“Goodnight, Penelope! Let me know about the cocktail lounge!” You wave, happy to be dragged away.

Once you get into Emily’s car, you can’t help but look at her and grin. “You don’t have to be so jealous, you know.”

She scoffs. “Jealous? Why would I be jealous? You’re not secretly dating Penelope or JJ.” She pauses. “Are you?”

“I don’t know, am I?” 

Emily pinches your cheek. “Don’t be a smartass.”

“You love that about me.” You freeze, heat rushing to your face and the tips of your ears going pink. “Emily, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking–”

“I do. Love you, I mean. Granted, I didn’t think this was when I would tell you this. Maybe at a nice dinner or home but… I do.” 

“Home?” You stare at her, heart stuttering. “You love me?”

“So much,” Emily breathes out. 

You can only smile, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “You’re something else, Emily Prentiss, but I love you too.”

*

“So… what are your thoughts on being neighbors?” You focus on the book in your hands, refusing to look at Emily beside you on the couch.

“Excuse me?” She lays her book down and turns to face you. “Neighbors?”

You hesitate before looking at her. “My contract in Carmel is ending and I’ve been offered an analyst position with the city. Here. I haven’t accepted yet because I wanted to talk to you about it first.”

She frowns, grabbing your hand. “Y/N… if it’s a great opportunity, you should take it regardless of my opinion.”

“I know but I don’t want to make it seem like I’m… being pushy? Or rushing you? It’s one thing to date someone long distance, it’s another to be in the same city.”

“Shouldn’t I be happy that I get to see you more often than just weekends?” She tilts her head. “Not only that, but if you don’t accept this position, doesn’t that mean you won’t have a job?”

“That’s not my point, Em. I just mean that maybe you might feel… suffocated. With me, here. Yes, we love each other but–”

“No buts.” She presses her finger against your lips. “But I’m hurt that you’re planning to be my neighbor.”

“What do you mean? You want me to live on the other side of town or something?” You grab her hand and move it to your lap. “That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”

“No, I mean, why wouldn’t you just be my roommate?”

You splutter. “Excuse me? You want me to move in?”

“Well, it’d make sense, wouldn’t it? If you got a place, we’d just be going back and forth between the two. Not to mention paying an unnecessarily ridiculous price for a place.” Emily begins to list the reasons on her fingers. “We have dinner together every night you’re here, you currently don’t have a car, this house is decently close to the city office, and I have the room for you. Obviously.” She leans back against the couch, letting out a relaxed sigh, and closes her eyes. “Any other concerns?”

You can only gape at her, at a loss for words.

“Now the real question is this: how much are they offering you to take the job with the city?” She opens her eyes to look at you. “Baby?”

You shake your head. “Their initial offer is for $175,000.”

“Christ, for maps?!”

“Hey! You use maps at your job all the time so you’re welcome. And I said it’s their initial offer. I’d technically be considered a senior analyst, so it’s closer to $200,000.” 

Emily’s eyes roll back. “God, keep talking dirty to me.”

“Em!” You tug at her ear gently. “You’re so annoying.”

*

You can barely hear the knock over the music you have playing, but you’ve been expecting it. Swinging the door open, you find JJ and Henry standing with bags over their shoulders.

“Ah, my royal guests have arrived for the night.” You step aside to let them in, locking the door behind them. “Are we hungry yet?”

JJ groans. “Please tell me you made what I think you made.”

You turn the volume down on the sound system low enough to not have to yell. “That depends. What are you hoping I made?”

Henry wraps himself around your legs. “Pasta chicken, please.”

You gasp. “How did you know I made pesto chicken? Do you have superpowers?” You look up at JJ. “You can put your stuff in the guest room if you’d like. Or we can set up in the living room?”

“No, the guest room is great. I’ll be right back.” She grabs Henry’s bag from the floor and heads down the hallway.

“Alright, my dude, let’s check on the food. And I made brownies for dessert.” You guide Henry toward the kitchen, stomach grumbling. “Emily also better get her butt here sooner than later, or else.”

“Or else what?” 

You jump, hand flying to your chest. “JJ, please, not everyone is an FBI agent!” 

She lets out a laugh. “Sorry, didn’t mean to sneak up on you. Habit, I guess. Did you need any help?”

You wave her off. “Nah, I got it. I have drinks in the fridge if you want some. There’s beer, wine, soda, and j-u-i-c-e.”

“Sounds good. Want me to grab you anything?” JJ tugs the fridge open, pursing her lips. “How’s the wine?”

“Don’t know, it’s Emily’s.” You let out a small laugh. “Feel free to open it.”

She shakes her head, pulling the bottle of wine out and a juice for Henry. “Her loss, I guess.”

“Whose loss?”

You both jump this time. “Christ, Emily!” You rub your temples. “I’m not going to survive like this. I feel like my heart’s restarted so many times since moving in.”

“Well, maybe if you listened to me about the music volume, you wouldn’t be so jumpy.” She tugs you close. “Sorry, I’m a bit late.”

You roll your eyes. “You know how I feel about music.”

“You have it on so you don’t feel lonely when you’re home alone,” Emily and JJ both recite. 

“Wow.” You scoff. “I don’t say it that often!”

JJ leans down to hand Henry his juice, wiping the condensation on her pants. “You don’t have to. It’s always on when we come over.”

“And it’s always on when I come home from work.”

“Well, it’s better than just sitting here in silence by myself.”  

Emily smiles, heading to the fridge. “I know you don’t like when it’s too quiet. It’s okay.”

*

Emily’s chin drops down to her chest and lets out a heavy sigh. She was late, much later than she told you. She rubs at the ridges of her house key feeling like a stone sat in her stomach. Things have been somewhat tense the past few weeks and she knows she hasn’t made it better. This is the fifth Friday night she’s missed, and it doesn’t help that it was your anniversary tomorrow. 

She’d promised you she’d be home early but the team caught a case right after lunch. She tried to keep you updated throughout the day but by the time it hit midnight, you stopped replying. Emily pushes her way in, instantly rearming the alarm. Setting her bags down on the small side table, she heads further in, ears straining to hear for any movement.

She notes the lack of music and wonders how long it’s been off. By the time she makes it to the bedroom, she’s shed her shoes and blazer. Emily sighs once more when she sees you asleep in bed, Sergio curled onto the pillow beside you. 

She makes her way to the closet, shuffling through to grab some pajamas. She can shower tomorrow morning, and maybe she can make it up to you and have you join her.

“When did you get in?”

Emily’s heart jumps as she turns to look at the bed. You’re still curled beneath the blankets but your eyes are staring straight at her.

“I’m just getting in,” she breathes out. Emily pulls her button-up and bra off, exchanging them for a large t-shirt. “Did I wake you?”

“No, Sergio did.” You glance over to the cat that’s now made himself comfortable halfway onto your forehead. “Everything at work okay?”

“Yeah, just got unlucky. We caught a case right after lunch.” She tugs her slacks off and settles into bed beside you. “Didn’t make much progress either, but the amount of bodies we kept finding were… a lot.”

You let out a quiet hum. “Make a profile yet?”

Emily shakes her head, rolling over to face you. “No, not yet. We’re missing something but we just haven’t found it yet.” She stares at you, hesitating just a bit. “I’m sorry about tonight.”

“It’s okay, Em, it’s work.” 

“It’s not though. This isn’t the first one I’ve missed, and I’m sorry. I know it might feel like I’m not trying but I promise that I am.” She reaches for your waist, pulling you close. “And I don’t want you to think that I’m avoiding you or anything like that.” 

“Emily, I mean it. I know how your job works. I’m not mad at you. Am I a little sad and disappointed? Anyone would be, but I’m not going to hold something like this over you. That’s like if you held a grudge against me every time I lose track of time when I’m working.” You tuck your face into her neck, breathing her in. “Just glad you’re okay.”

She squeezes you tight, letting her body relax. “I’m going to make it up to you.”

You let out a small laugh. “Oh yeah? What’d you have in mind?”

“I don’t know yet but I’ll figure it out. Maybe…” Emily bites her lip, thinking. “Maybe after the case though?”

“Of course, babe. I wouldn’t expect anything else.” You try to hold in your yawn, but Emily can feel it against her skin. 

“Go to bed. I’ll wake you up before I leave tomorrow.”

“Mm, tell me about your case. Not too many details though.”

Emily smiles, letting her eyes close. “You don’t wanna hear about what they did to the bodies and where we found them?”

You shudder. “God, no. Just wanna hear your voice.”

*

“Emily, hey. I’m glad you answered.” You stuff as many shirts as you can into the small luggage, holding your cell phone between your ear and shoulder. “Listen, something’s come up and I’m on my way to the airport.”

Emily ducks into an empty conference room, leaning against the door. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Do you want me to meet you at the airport?”

“No, that’s not necessary. My mom called me and– it’s nothing. Not anything bad but I just have to help her sort some stuff out.” You zipped the luggage up, doing a quick scan to make sure the windows were shut and Sergio’s water bowl was filled.

“You sure I can’t do anything?” Emily turns to look out the window, unaware that she’s started to bite the nail of her thumb. “We don’t have any pressing cases right now, I can meet you–”

“It’s okay, I promise. Stay.” You set the alarm and lock the door behind you. “Just… it’s my brother. He’s always had a tough time once he finished high school. He’s been doing good, but my mom is worried. I just need to see what’s happening and have it sorted. I should be back in a few days.”

“Y/N–”

“I’m sorry, Em, my mom’s calling. I’ll call you when I get there, okay?”

Emily sighs when the call disconnects, shoulders slumping. It’s been a good few weeks since your anniversary and things have been getting better, but it just feels like something’s been off. She makes her way back to her desk and opens a new window on her computer. 

This is wrong. You shouldn’t be looking him up. If she wanted you to know about him, she’d have told you by now. It can’t be that bad.

Emily groans, closing the window. 

“What’s wrong, my dark fairy?” Penelope perches herself on the edge of Emily’s desk. “Trouble in paradise? Don’t tell me Y/N’s still mad at you. Haven’t you been taking any of my advice? Groveling, presents, and ravishing her every chance you get?”

“Penelope, please, not so loud.” Emily shakes her head. “It’s not that. She said she had to fly home to handle some stuff that’s come up and she mentioned her brother. I don’t really know much about him and I was gonna…” Emily wiggles her fingers and points to the computer. “But I can’t bring myself to do it. That’s– I shouldn’t do that, right? It’s wrong?”

“Oh-ho-ho. The good ol’ dilemma of wanting to find out what’s going on vs. not betraying someone’s trust.” Penelope leans in, lowering her voice. “As a hacker, I say do it. As a friend…”

“As a friend, don’t?” 

Penelope darts her eyes to the computer. “I’d still do it, especially if I think it’s for someone’s safety or well-being!”

“Pen!” Emily drops her face into her hands. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Want me to?” 

Emily thinks about it for a few minutes, worrying what your reaction might be. “Just… If you do it and you don’t find anything pressing, don’t tell me that you did it. But if it’s something bad, then tell me. I need to know if I need to be there too.” 

“You got it, goth queen.”

*

“Happy birthday, Emily!” You lift Sergio from the floor and press his face against her cheek. “Welcome home. I hope you’re ready to celebrate.”

Emily smiles, pressing a kiss to the top of Sergio’s head. “If that means relaxing on the couch with my two favorites, then I’m so ready.”

“Not just that but I also have some extra surprises in store for you.” You set Sergio into her arms and give her a quick peck. “I just need to grab them. You go get comfy and I’ll meet you in the living room?”

“It’s a date.” Emily watches you head to her office, shaking her head in disbelief. “Can’t believe that’s where she’s kept them hidden and I didn’t even think to look in there, Serg.” 

Emily places Sergio onto her bed as she goes to change into pajamas. She glances at the box at the top of her closet, wondering if today would be the day. 

“Em? You almost done?”

She lets out a breath, shaking her head. Not today. “Yeah, I’m just about finished. Be there in a sec.” 

Lowering herself down to her knees beside the bed, she brings her face close to the cat and lowers her voice. “Listen here, buddy. I’m going to need you to put in some work and be extra cute and irresistible. I’m going to need all the help I can get.” He only stares and blinks at her. 

“Oh my god, I’m losing it,” Emily mumbles, scooping Sergio back into her arms to head back to the living room. Her eyes widen when she sees the gifts on the small table. “Uh, Y/N? Don’t you think that’s a bit much?”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms. “That’s rich, coming from the woman who paid for a month-long trip for my birthday and didn’t let me chip in. We also flew first class, Em, first class.”

She scoffs, plopping down onto the couch. “That trust fund isn’t gonna use itself, so what better way than to spend it on you?”

You push her shoulder, settling in beside her. “I could say the same for myself, minus the trust fund. Do you wanna open gifts first or later?”

“Mm, later. I just wanna lay here with you.” 

“Any movie suggestions?”

“You pick.” She buries her face into your neck, closing her eyes. “It’s been a long day so nothing too heavy or intense, please.”

“Taxi?”

“Again?” 

“You said I could pick!” You poke at her side, scrolling through movies. “Do you wanna do a TV show instead?”

Emily only mumbles.

“Ah, yes. Thank you for that detailed and clear answer. That narrows down my search immensely. I have a top 3 for selection.”

“Stop being a smartass.”

You laugh, selecting Taxi anyway. The movie starts and as you both sit there, you can feel Emily’s body going lax. “Happy birthday, Emily,” you whisper. 

*

“No, Emily, absolutely not. You can’t drive like this!” You argue, holding her car keys close to your chest. “Hotch said you can take the rest of the week off, so why don’t you?”

Emily only gives you a look. 

“Uhg, I know. Can’t you just, I don’t know, get a ride from someone? I can call JJ and she can swing by?”

“I’m already up later than usual, Y/N. It’s 10. The day’s already started for the team a long time ago.”

You bite your lip, glancing at your computer. You don’t have any pressing deadlines coming up so you could technically take an early day. The real dilemma is getting Emily to agree.

“I’ll make a deal with you.” You straighten your shoulders and clear your throat. “And if you don’t agree, you’re going to have to think of another way to get to work.”

“I’m listening.”

“You let me drive you to work. I can take you now and pick you up later.”

Silence.

You can feel the heat spreading on your cheeks as you wait for Emily to say something, anything. “Em?”

“Nobody drives my Jeep but me.”

“Emily Prentiss, you literally got shot yesterday. If you think for one second I’m going to let you drive with an injury, you are out of your mind.”

She grits her teeth. “Y/N…”

“Emily.” You stare at her head-on. “If you love me as much as you say you do, you’ll let me do this for you.”

She dips her head, closing her eyes. “Fine, you can drive my Jeep but if you get a scratch on her, I’m putting my cold feet on you for a month!” Emily turns around with a huff, going to grab her work bag. 

*

You can’t help but admire the new ring that sits on your finger as you sit at your computer. It’s been two hours since you clocked in but you can’t concentrate. The butterflies in your stomach haven’t gone away since you woke up and Emily smiled at you. Biting your lip, you try and focus on the map in front of you. 

Your phone buzzes on the desk and you sigh. 

Emily ❣️(9:53 AM): Get to work.

You startle, looking around the office and debating on whether you should turn the music down or not. There’s no way she’d have cameras set up without telling you, would she?

You (9:55 AM): I don’t know what you mean 🙂 Emily ❣️ (9:59 AM): I know you. Now get to work. We can celebrate again when I get home 😜

You can feel the tips of your ears go pink, locking your phone and setting it face down on the desk. Instead of getting back to work, you open a new browsing window instead and immediately search for rings. You’ve yet to find one that would fit Emily, and it’s starting to feel like you’re going to have to make a custom piece. 

Your phone buzzes against the desk, causing you to jump. There’s no way you were getting anything done today. 

*

When you swing the door open to a red-eyed JJ, your stomach drops. The way she’s looking at you is something you’ve never wanted to experience. 

“JJ… don’t.” You shake your head, the ring on your finger feeling so, so heavy.

She takes in a deep breath, her voice shaky. “Y/N, I’m so sorry. She– they said she didn’t make it off the table.”

The only thing you can hear is the music you’ve been playing all day and the sound of your breathing. JJ is speaking to you, hands moving, but it’s like no words are coming out. You can’t process anything she’s saying and you can only stare into her eyes. 

JJ would never lie to you and she would never put you through this if she knew there wasn’t a possibility of Emily surviving. She’s guiding you back inside, her face tight. 

“Y/N?”

You look at her, finally taking her in. The tip of her nose was pink, her ponytail was a mess, and her shirt was rumpled.

“Sorry, could you repeat that? I’m–” You’re at a loss for words, uncertain. 

“I asked if you wanted to stay with me.” JJ grabs onto your hands, her eyes roaming your face. “You don’t have to be alone tonight, or any night. I’m sure Henry would love to have you and Sergio over.” 

You shake your head. “No, it’s fine. You don’t need to take care of one more person.” 

“Y/N, it’s okay, really.” JJ glances around, wincing. “I think it would be best. At least for one night? And then we can go from there, okay? If not for you, then for me.”

You sigh, nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay. You stay right here. I’ll grab you a few things and then we can go, okay?”

As JJ makes her way into the bedroom, her eyes water. This is not how she wanted to find out the two of you got engaged over the weekend. Taking a deep breath, JJ is quick to grab a change of clothes and Sergio. She finds you still sitting on the couch, the music turned off. 

“Come on, let’s head out.” She squeezes your shoulder before handing you Sergio. 

You slowly stand, looking down at the black cat, realizing that he won’t understand why Emily will no longer be coming around. You take in a breath and blink back the tears as you move to turn the alarm on. “Are you sure, JJ? I can stay, really. I’m sure you’d like to be alone too–”

“I want you to come, Y/N. Please. I’d like to keep you close tonight.” JJ frowns, the indecision clear on her face. “I can’t tell you everything yet, but once things are settled, I promise I will. I just need to make sure you’re safe.”

The drive to JJ’s is a blur. It felt like it went by in the blink of an eye but at the same time, it felt like hours. As you both make your way to the front door, it feels like you’ve been awake for hours. Wasn’t it just this morning that you were making plans with Emily for Friday? You have a dentist appointment tomorrow, your mom wanted you to call her back, and there’s a deadline coming up– 

Your head throbs.

JJ pushes the door open, the lights off and the house is silent. “Well, looks like everyone’s asleep. Here.” She guides you to the guest room you frequented every girl’s night, not bothering to turn the light on. 

As you sit, you look at her once more. “JJ…”

“I know. I’m so sorry.” She presses a kiss to your forehead. “Try to get some sleep. Tomorrow, we’ll figure things out, okay? And if you need me for anything, don’t hesitate to wake me.”

All you can do is nod as you lay down, tugging the blanket over you. “This is real, isn’t it, JJ?”

She pauses at the doorway. “Yeah, Y/N, it’s real.”

You swallow the lump in your throat. “And she’s not coming back.”

“No,” she whispers.

You can feel the adrenaline and nerves finally hit, and somehow your eyes close.

* 

“I don’t know how that makes me feel! Isn’t that why I’m here?” You raise your eyes to Dr. Crane, the psychologist that JJ has been forcing you to go to. “I told you from the start that I didn’t think that this would help.”

Dr. Crane leans forward, setting her notebook aside. “Y/N, in the past two months, do you want to know what I’ve noticed about you?”

You throw your hands up, defeated. “Sure, why not?”

“You insist that being here wouldn’t help you but you come to every appointment. That’s three times a week, by the way. You start the session calmly, and as the questions progress, so does your anger.” She taps her desk with her pen. “Not only that, but you’ve been unable to say Emily’s name once in any session, you refuse to answer questions you don’t like the answer to, and you frequently try to change the subject when I ask about your engagement.”

You wince, glancing at the ring on your finger. “Not much to talk about. It didn’t last very long.” 

Oh, that one hurt. 

“Look, people grieve differently, right? This is how I’m doing it.” 

“And do you think that’s healthy? Being unable to say a name? Wearing a ring that you seem to resent whenever you talk about it?” You can feel yourself clenching your jaw as you look at your hands. “Are we finished for today?” You don’t wait for an answer, but stand and grab your things. 

“Y/N, a loss is something so many people experience but very little know how to process. If you continue this way, how long do you think you’ll last before you’re forced to confront it?”

You say nothing as you storm out of the office, the frustration building. JJ stands from the waiting room, a frown on her face as she sees your haste to leave. She looks back toward the office before following you with a sigh. 

“Y/N, you said you’d try–”

“This is me trying, JJ! I’m just– I’m not ready.” You stand on the sidewalk, staring at her. “I’m not ready to accept she’s gone. Every day I wake up, thinking that I had a bad dream. I look down at my finger and I see this ring and I wonder how much longer it’ll be until I can take it off without feeling like I’m trying to forget her.” 

JJ shakes her head, hand reaching for you. “We can find you another psychologist if you want. If you think Dr. Crane isn’t helping, then we can–”

You shake your head, taking a few steps back. “No, I know. I just– I need to be alone for a little while, okay? You’ve done a lot for me these past few weeks, JJ, and I appreciate that but I just need to think.”

“Let me drop you off, then. Where are you going?” 

“No, it’s fine. I can walk. Please, JJ. Just let me be alone for a little while. I promise I’ll be okay. I’ll call you?” You take a few more steps back before turning away.

“Y/N! You call me if you need a ride, okay?” 

You throw your hand up in acknowledgment as you briskly walk away from JJ, your head pounding. 

*

They’re everywhere. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, it’s like they follow you all day long. You know it’s not true, but that’s what it feels like. Just how many people actually drive Jeeps? Maybe you’ll look at some data later.

It’s like the car itself was following you, trying to force you to acknowledge it. None of them are her’s though. That one’s sitting in the parking garage, untouched. Over the past few months, you’ve thought about selling it but can’t bring yourself to actually do it. It’s not like you drive it, but it’s just one more thing to hold onto. 

You tap at your keyboard, the posting halfway finished. This is the fourth time you’ve tried to sell this Jeep but every time, something stops you. The first time, the wifi disconnected. The second time, Sergio jumped onto the desk and stepped onto the keyboard which caused the window to close. The third time, you kept getting interrupted by phone calls from work so you just gave up. But now? Now you don’t think you should sell it at all.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” You buckle your seatbelt before looking at Emily.

“Yeah, what’s up?” She pulls away from the curb, the engine rumbling as she made her way to the highway.

“Why’d you get a Jeep?” 

Emily grins. “What’s wrong with my Jeep?”

“Nothing! Just… it’s not what I would expect from someone who works for the FBI. I feel like you’d have something more, I don’t know, practical? Discrete?” 

“How much more discrete could this be? It’s all black, even the rims!” 

“Yeah, but I imagined you having like an SUV or something. All blacked out, reinforced, or bullet-proof, you know? Not a Jeep.”

“How do you know it’s not reinforced or bullet-proof?” Emily speeds up now that she’s on the highway. “Besides, if I ever had to, I could go off-road in this baby. Wanna see?” She jerks the steering wheel slightly, causing you to let out a yelp.

“Emily, don’t you dare! If we’re late to our reservation again–”

“Baby, on our Friday night? I would never.”

You sigh, turning your computer off. You can try again tomorrow. 

*

“Do you think I should do it, JJ?” You gaze out of her car window, recognizing her neighborhood. “Or is it too soon?”

JJ takes in a deep breath. “I– I think you should do it if you think you’re ready. And if you’re not, that’s okay too.”

“I should try though, shouldn’t I?” You begin to twist the ring on your finger, hesitant. “It hasn’t been that long but it feels like it’s been years. I feel like I’ve been living without her for so long now, but…”

“Y/N, if you want to try, you can. And if you change your mind, you can always cancel or leave. Whoever it is that you’re thinking of is hopefully a good person and can understand where you’re coming from.” JJ pulls into her driveway and turns her car off. “Look, it can be a group outing if you want. No expectations.”

You take in a deep breath, chin dropping to your chest. “My coworker. She’s been… very persistent. She knows but I can’t tell if she’s genuine or if she’s just trying to–”

“Get into your pants?” 

You huff. “Yeah.”

JJ nods, getting out of the car. You follow her up through the front door, the sound of the TV on and the washing machine running. 

“Then we do a group outing. You can see for yourself and we can tell you if anything feels off, okay? Or if you want, we can ask Penelope to do a quick check on her beforehand.” 

“I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

*

JJ (7:51 PM): You sure you don’t want one of us to pick you up instead? You (7:53 PM):  It’s a little too late to be asking me, JJ. She’s supposed to be here at 8. JJ (7:54 PM): And if she’s as understanding as she says she is, she wouldn’t mind.

You sigh, shaking your head. The windows light up from a car’s headlights and you make your way to the door. 

As you lock the door behind you, your eyes find your coworker, Lucy, standing at the passenger door. As you approach, she opens the door.

“Hi.” 

“Hello. You look beautiful.” She tilts her head. “Shall we?”

“Thank you. You, too.” You slide into her car and it feels all wrong. The height of the car, the way you fit in the seat, the windows, even the smell. You shake your head. 

I have to try. I just want a good night out, whether that’s with Lucy or with my friends.

Letting out a breath, you try to relax in your seat as Lucy maneuvers her way through the city. Your eyes are playing tricks on you because you keep thinking that you see Jeeps in every parking lot you pass. You’re grateful when you arrive at the sports bar.

Once you’re settled in and made introductions, you find yourself sandwiched between Lucy and JJ in the booth. Thankfully JJ is on the inside, and you instinctively sit closer to her. It’s an easy night thanks to the group and you’re able to avoid any awkward conversations with Lucy because of them. 

JJ leans in close, lowering her voice. “Doing okay?”

You nod, patting her thigh. “Yes, thank you.”

Lucy stands from the booth, shooting you a smile. “Would you like a refill?”

You didn’t even realize you had finished your drink. “Sure, yes, that’d be great. A whiskey sour, please?”

“You got it.” She makes her way to the bar, disappearing.

“Thoughts?” You murmur, fingers tracing the rim of your glass.

Penelope rests her chin in her palm. “She’s not bad, my sweet, but there’s no sparks if that’s what you’re asking. Something feels a little off too, but I can’t put my finger on it.” 

“She’s nice, Y/N, just…” JJ pauses, trying to choose her words carefully. “It just doesn’t feel right yet.”

*

It’s 2AM and Lucy insisted on walking you up to your door. She’d gotten tickets for a concert and you figured you could try being with just her without a group.

“Thanks for inviting me tonight.” You rub the house key in your hand, trying to maintain a distance. Although her company is nice, you don’t think you could handle anything physical with her. 

“Of course.” She pauses, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her coat. “I know it’s late but–”

“Actually, Lucy–”

“Ah.” She nods her head, taking a small step back. “Sorry, too forward? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me. I know, so cliche, but it’s true. I thought I was ready to try again but I don’t think I am.” You try to smile, but it falls. “Everything feels so wrong right now. Not just you but just… every part of my life. I thought that if I put myself out there, it might be what I needed to get things going but, as you can see, it’s not working.”

“I figured.” Lucy pats your shoulder, giving you a small smile. “I didn’t think you’d say yes in the first place, but you did, so I think I ignored all the signs too. I’m really sorry, Y/N. If you ever want to talk, you can text or call me anytime, okay?”

“Okay. And I’m really sorry, Lucy.”

“Don’t apologize. I knew what I was doing, too. I’ll see you later.” 

You turn away and let yourself in, leaning against the door. Your chest feels so heavy and you wonder how long you’ll continue to feel this way. All you want is for things to go back to the way they were.

[estrellami-1]

Steddie Week 2023

May 22nd Prompt: Hunger

Day 2, Day 3, Day 4, Day 5, Day 6, Day 7

@steddie-week

Steve wakes up slowly, rolls over to look at his alarm clock, then bursts out of bed in a rush of limbs and sheets and curses.

3:42 blinks back at him. Sometime during the night the power had gone out, and Steve knows it is well past 9, when he was supposed to be opening at Family Video. He pulls on his jeans and a clean shirt, stuffs his feet in his shoes, runs a brush through his hair, and grabs his vest on his way out the door, sparing half a glance at his kitchen, but not having time to eat.

If it comes down to it, he thinks, there’s always the candy.

He gets to Family Video in record time, breathing out a sigh of relief when he yanks on the door to find it still locked. That means he’s the first one there. Keith might notice when he goes back through times this week to figure out pay, but Steve’s hopeful he’s gotten away with it this time.

He clocks in, computer reading 10:01 (an entire hour late, whoops), and takes a breath as he looks around the store. Robin’s scheduled to come in at three, meaning he has five hours alone.

No one comes in for the first hour. Steve finishes logging returns and winding back the tapes.

Halfway through the second hour, the bell above the door jingles, and Steve raises his voice from where he’s putting away tapes. “Welcome to Family Video!”

“Either you’re hiding or you’ve officially started haunting this place,” a voice calls back, and Steve laughs as he walks out of the aisle.

“Hey, Eddie.”

“Hiya, Stevie.” He grins. “Tell me if this is too forward? But I noticed the power went out last night and figured if I know you as well as I do, you slept in and missed breakfast.” He hands Steve a brown paper bag, creased nicely at the top.

“Lifesaver,” Steve gasps, opening the bag. Three muffins. He sniffs them, then groans. “You’re perfect, holy shit, thank you.” Banana nut, his favorite. His heart skips an odd beat, then again when he realizes Eddie’s blushing, pulling a piece of hair across his face.

“You’re welcome,” Eddie says quietly, chuckling slightly. “I guess I was right?”

“Yeah, I woke up, like, half an hour after my shift had started, immediately panicked, and got here as fast as I could. I don’t need another write-up.”

Eddie nods, a smirk crawling onto his face. “How about waiving the fees for your favorite customer?”

Steve makes a show of looking around. “Dustin’s here?”

Eddie just laughs. “I can’t even be mad at that one.”

“Steve,” Eddie says, eyes wide, adorably serious. Steve tries to school his face accordingly, but he can’t really feel his face. “I’m hungry.”

Steve thinks about it. “I am too,” he decides, then thinks some more. “Is there pizza left over?”

Eddie shrugs, looks at the blunt in his hand, then shrugs again, taking another drag. “Chips?”

“I have chips,” Steve agrees, grabbing for the blunt. “C’mon, share.”

Eddie hands it over. “Steve,” he says again, “I’m a genius.”

“Yup,” Steve agrees.

“We should watch a movie.”

“Oh my god,” Steve breathes. “With snacks?”

“Yeah. Yeah, with snacks, c’mon, help me, help me!” He pulls Steve up, laughing when Steve does.

“Eddie,” Steve says. It’s his turn to be serious. “What if we call Argyle? And Jon?”

“And they can bring pizza,” Eddie breathes. “Stevie, I think you’re the genius.”

“Yup,” Steve agrees again. “I’ll call. You get snacks. And movie.”

“Fuck off,” Eddie laughs, resting his head against the wall. “There’s no way.”

“I swear! That’s exactly what she said! And then she tried to blame me, like it isn’t all automated.” Steve huffs a breath.

Eddie shakes his head. “You have way more patience than I do, man.”

“That’s not true. We have different types. I could never sit like you do, painting your figurines.”

Eddie snorts. “I zone out and wake up four hours later. I don’t think that counts as patience.” He sighs. “As fun as this has been, Steve, I’ve gotta go get ready for my shift. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah. Yeah, definitely. What time does your shift start?”

“Six.”

“That… Eds, that’s in twenty minutes.”

“No? I’m looking at a clock right here. It’s 4:40 right now. I’ve got an hour twenty.”

“Eds,” Steve says, sounding pained. “Daylight savings.”

“Oh, shit,” Eddie breathes. “Shit, shit, shit, you’re right, shit, fuck, okay, I’ve gotta go, love you, bye!”

He hangs up before Steve can say anything else, stuffing his feet in his shoes and grabbing his keys before racing out.

He’s halfway to work before he realizes he’s hungry. He lays his head on his steering wheel at a red light, breathes. “Just five hours,” he tells himself. “I can make it five hours.”

Half an hour in, he’s not so sure. His hands aren’t as steady as they should be, but he hides it from his coworkers, takes another few deep breaths, and tries to trick himself by drinking more water.

Ten minutes later, a familiar maroon Beemer pulls up. Eddie’s heart thuds in his chest as he goes out to meet Steve.

“Sorry I’m late,” Steve grins. “I think I got caught by all the lights possible.” He grabs something from the passenger seat. A brown paper bag.

“You didn’t,” Eddie breathes.

“I did,” Steve admits. “I hope turkey’s okay.”

“Turkey’s fantastic,” Eddie promises. “Freakin’ food for the gods, when I’m this hungry.” He opens the bag. A sandwich, a small bag of chips, an apple. He laughs. “Jesus wept, Steve, I brought you three little muffins!”

“Yeah, and I meant it when I called you a lifesaver.” He tilts his head. “I’m curious about something, though. If you meant it.”

Eddie pauses with the sandwich halfway to his mouth. “Meant what?”

“Gotta go, love you, bye.”

“Oh.” Nausea makes its presence known. He brings the sandwich down. “Steve, I-”

Steve’s fingers land on his forearm. “The truth, Eds. Please.” He’s whispering, eyes big and hopeful, and Eddie feels some of that same hope filling him.

“Yeah,” he whispers back.

Steve grins again, steps back. “I’m picking you up tomorrow. Seven o’clock.”

“Okay,” Eddie whispers, watches as Steve drives away.

“Hi,” Eddie says breathlessly, opening the door before Steve could knock.

“Hi.” Steve chuckles. “Ready?”

“Yeah. Where are you taking me?”

“Where do you wanna go?”

Eddie bites his lip, slides into the passenger seat. “Dinner? I’m starving.”

Steve grins at him as he puts the car in gear. “Me too.”

[ghoul-slime]

Mushy May Day 16 - Cooking A Special Recipe (Aether/Dew)

Whoops, this is late as hell, but here it is anyway! Thank you again @forlorn-crows for organizing Mushy May! And @ghuleh-recs for the cute dividers <3

Day 16: Cooking A Special Recipe - Aether/Dew, no real warnings here, just some briefly suggested sexual content and happy tears. 2442 words.

Aether wakes up alone, the warm, purring fire ghoul that normally occupied the other side of his bed nowhere to be found. Usually, Dew preferred to sleep in, burrowing himself beneath the blankets and into Aether’s arms for as long as possible - especially now, having just returned from a long, grueling world tour only a few weeks ago. 

He showers and pops into the kitchen, somewhat surprised to find it empty. Usually the rest of the pack congregated there to eat breakfast and get ready for the day. He shoots Dew a text to see where he might have gone off to so early in the day, but despite his message being marked as “read” after only a few moments, Dew never responds.

Aether begins to suspect something is up, though as far as he remembers today wasn’t any sort of special occasion, it wasn’t anybody’s summoning day or any kind of special clergy ceremony day either. His suspicions were only confirmed when Phantom had pulled him away to the practice room later that morning, telling Aether that he really needed help perfecting one of his solos and that no, it really could not wait until tomorrow.

And no, he definitely did not know where Dewdrop might be this morning…

As a matter of fact, now that Aether thinks about it, Dew had been being a little secretive about something for the better part of a week now, and that whatever it was, it probably also involved Mountain.

Phantom, for as hard as he was trying, was not very good at acting casual at all, shifty eyes and stuttered words betraying his nerves as he kept asking Aether to run him through the song over and over. Aether was happy to play along, but after nearly two hours his stomach was starting to rumble, and he let the younger quintessence ghoul know he needed a break from their lessons for the day.

But just as Aether starts to make his way down the hall towards the kitchen for a snack, Phantom grabs his arm in a wide-eyed panic.

“Aether, please? Just show me one more time?” he begs. When Aether hesitates to oblige he switches gears. “Oh! Aether, my guitar is out of tune! Actually, maybe we should just restring the whole thing! That should take a while - maybe you can help me with that!!” He tries his best to yank Aether by the arm back towards the practice room.

Swiss appears around the corner just at the right time.

“Hey little bug, mind if I borrow the big guy here for a while?” he ruffles Phantom’s hair before slinging his arm around Aether’s shoulder and steering him back towards the dorms. Away from Phantom - and away from the kitchen, Aether notices with a sigh.

Swiss pulls Aether into his room and shuts the door with a click behind him. There, he’s greeted by the sight of Rain sitting cross-legged on Swiss’ bed in a pair of the multi-ghoul’s boxers and an oversized shirt. He smiles sweetly and gives Aether a shy little wave.

But just as he’s about to politely excuse himself to find a snack to calm his rumbling stomach, Swiss hands him a banana, seemingly pulled out of thin air.

“Thought you might be hungry after being held captive by Phantom all afternoon,” he says with a grin. “And thought it might be useful as a bribe for you to do us a little favor,” he adds.

“Uh, sure,” Aether concedes, already peeling open his prize and taking a bite. “What is it?”

“Well see, our little tadpole here woke up with a bit of a sore neck after his nap this afternoon. He didn’t want me to say anything, but I thought you might be able to give him a little bit of a quintessence zap to help him feel better. Loosen him up for some of the activities the two of us have planned for later,” Swiss answers. “Isn’t that right, Rainy?”

Rain just answers with a shy little smile and a shrug, perfectly punctuated with the slightest little wince and a delicately pained hiss at the movement of his supposedly sore neck.

Aether sighs, shoves the remainder of the banana into his mouth, tosses the peel into the trash, and motions for Rain to make room for him on the bed.

“You’re a pal, Aeth,” Swiss says with a shark-like grin, and claps Aether on the shoulder.

Aether’s stomach rumbles loudly in response.

Forty-five minutes later and Aether excuses himself, leaving behind a very sleepy and blissed out water ghoul dozing on Swiss’ bed. He hears the lock click behind him as soon as he shuts the door.  

Finally, Aether resumes his search for Dew, only for Cumulus’ door to swing open suddenly the moment he passes in front of it. Aether jumps, startled out of his thoughts.

“Oh, Aether! Just the guy I wanted to see,” Cumulus coos at him. “Didn’t scare you, did I love?” she asks, with a curious little head tilt.

Aether shakes his head no and asks what it is he can help her with, coaxing a smile across his face. Normally he loves helping his pack with whatever they might need, but for whatever reason, today it feels like he’s the most in-demand ghoul in the entire abbey. And he still hasn’t managed to have lunch or figure out where Dew snuck off to.

Hours later and Aether flops down on his bed with a sigh. After Cumulus had wrangled him to help her and Aurora build a new set of shelves for their ever-expanding record collection, Papa had called for him and said he’d needed help with some paperwork. Taxes, he’d explained, but really Aether had spent over an hour helping Papa rummage through a stack of old boxes looking for some sort of paperwork while Sister watched from her desk with a disapproving frown.

Eventually Papa dismissed him. They never did find whatever mystery paper he was looking for.

Just as he thought he was home free for the day, Cirrus and Sunny had swooped in and dragged him out to the garden to watch the sunset with them. They sat on either side of him, clinging to his arms and chatting as the sun slowly sank below the horizon, bathing the sky in beautiful hues of pink and gold. Aether had zoned out just a bit, mind wandering off as he wondered why Dew wasn’t out there with them, watching it too.

Now that he was finally back in his room, he’d all but given up on finding the little fire ghoul. It was nearly dinnertime anyway, he’d see him at the table when the whole pack sat down to eat.

He texts Mountain, “Hey Mount, I’m starving, what’s for dinner tonight?” and after a second he adds, “By the way, have you seen Dew running around anywhere today?”

Mountain responds immediately. “Sorry, didn’t have time to cook. Everyone’s on their own tonight.” He ignores the question about Dew altogether.

Aether raises an eyebrow at Mountain’s uncharacteristically terse response. He pulls up Dew’s contact and sends another message. “Dew, you hungry? Looks like we’re fending for ourselves tonight, lol.” He stares at the screen holding his breath, waiting for Dew to answer. After a few minutes his message gets marked as read, but after a few minutes more he still gets no answer.

Aether frowns at his phone. Between Mountain’s short response and Dew seemingly ignoring him, he’s starting to feel a little hurt. With another sigh he drags himself up and makes his way out of his room, heading towards the kitchen to try and forage for something quick to satisfy his empty stomach for the night.

But as soon as he turns down the hall, he smells something delicious. He can hear movement in the kitchen too, the clanging of pots and pans, the sound of glassware being moved around, someone turning the sink on and then back off. The closer he gets the stronger and more delicious the aroma grows, something warm and savory and familiar, though he can’t put his finger on what it is just yet.

Aether opens the door to the kitchen to find the missing ghoul in question standing in front of the stove with his hands on his slender hips. He turns around with a smile on his face.

“There you are,” Dew grins, bright and beautiful. “Was wondering how long before you broke free and found your way here.” Dew laughs. His hair is tied up in a little bun high on his head, thin golden wisps falling out and framing his face. Aether can see his black band tee spotted here and there with white powder, flour, he thinks. Dew wipes his hands, freshly washed and still dripping, onto his jeans. 

“I gotta hand it to them, Papa and the rest of the pack did a pretty damn good job at keeping you away from the kitchen all day,” Dew chuckles, looking at Aether with those bright, golden eyes, sparkling with mirth. “You must be starving by now though, this took way longer than I expected it would, sorry Aeth.” Dew strides up to him and lays a hand on his belly in apology, standing up on his tiptoes and looking up expectantly at Aether for a kiss.

Aether leans down to peck the little ghoul on the lips before taking in the spread before him. The dinner table is set for two and completely full of beautifully plated food. It takes Aether a moment before it starts to dawn on him. He looks back at Dew with wide eyes.

“Dew, did you make all this? Is this all from…?” he trails off, having a hard time believing the sight before him.

Dew grins again, pressing himself against Aether’s side. “Our favorite restaurant? Yep, Mountain helped me recreate all the recipes the best we could. Not sure how accurate it all turned out, but it tastes pretty damn good if I do say so myself.” Dew stands proud as Aether takes it all in.

The table is absolutely packed with familiar dishes. Barbecued lamb chops and skewered meats with herbs sitting atop a mountain of aromatic rice pilaf, glistening with butter. There’s a plate full of absolutely gigantic stuffed cabbage rolls, swimming in tomato sauce with a heaping spoonful of sour cream piled into the center. A basket stacked full of freshly baked bread and a ramekin of what Aether knows right away is the same exact delicious dill butter that Aether had eaten so many times in the past. There are huge salads full of fresh, beautiful vegetables and chunks of goat cheese. Bowls of roasted eggplant, vinegared beets, and potato salad with hard boiled eggs and bright green peas. 

Dew had lovingly recreated all of Aether’s favorite things from their favorite restaurant. It was their date night spot - a place they absolutely had to stop at every time they were out on the road on tour and passing through town. A place he’d enjoyed with Dew many times over years. 

Up until this past year, at least…

“Just didn’t feel right going there without you this year, Aeth,” Dew looks up at him, a little sad. “It’s not the same. Doesn’t taste as good when you’re not there.”

Aether stands there in stunned silence when the oven dings behind him. Dew scrambles for the oven mitts and calls over his shoulder as he pulls out something bubbling and shuts the door with a bump of his hip, “Sit down and start helping yourself. Everything’s ready now.”

Dew sets down one more plate in front of him - a huge, toasted gondola of soft baked bread filled in the center with bubbling cheese and a perfectly cooked poached egg with a golden, runny yolk. He mixes the egg and cheese together methodically with a serious look on his face, before cutting a thick slice and setting it, gooey, stretchy cheese and all, into the center of Aether’s plate.

“Eat!” Dew insists, and Aether almost doesn’t even know where to start. He goes for a lamb chop and sets it down on his plate. 

“Oh, and I thought - oh,” Dew goes to say something again but he’s cut off by a choked sound.

Aether can’t help it, he lets out a strangled sob, hands coming up to cover his face, unable to hold it all back as fat tears start rolling down his cheeks.

Dew looks on in stunned silence, horrified as Aether cries into his lamb chops.

“Sorry, Dew,” Aether hiccups out, struggling to apologize between shuddered breaths as he desperately tries to calm himself down. “I just… I can’t believe you did all of this for me.” He wipes the tears from his face with one of the fancy cloth napkins Dew had set out for him.

“Thank you… I just. Thank you so much,” he looks up at the fire ghoul with a devastated look on his face. And then Dew is swooping in, cradling Aether’s head to his chest while he sniffles into the fabric of his shirt.

Dew just shakes his head gently, petting Aether’s hair, waiting patiently for his breathing to even out. “Anything for you, Aeth.” He kisses the quintessence ghoul sweetly between the horns. “Seriously, I’d do anything for you,” he says quietly.

Aether squeezes him around the middle and pulls himself away, wiping the last of the tears from his face. For a moment, they just look at each other fondly.

“Oh!” Dew exclaims, bounding over to the refrigerator and rummaging around inside. He turns around, holding up two glass bottles of something with a bright, almost neon green liquid inside with a triumphant grin plastered across his face. 

“Holy shit, no way! You even got the tarragon soda?!” Aether exclaims, wiping away one last rogue tear threatening to fall. Dew unscrews the cap of one bottle and hands it to Aether, beaming.

“Yep! Swiss and I convinced the owners to sell us a couple of bottles to take home. Snuck them through customs and everything,” Dew announces proudly, crossing his hands in front of his chest.

Aether manages to make it through the rest of dinner without crying.

Later, they sit pressed together on the couch with a hot cup of cardamom tea, passing a slice of the honey cake Dew made for dessert back and forth while the rest of the pack feasts on dinner leftovers back in the kitchen. 

Dew is still beaming, and Aether basks in it all with a full belly and a warm heart.

(Here's the restaurant in question. Khachapuri there so good it changed my life.)