#why are they Italian muppets though

[sunsetconcert]

In 1994, the Muppets made one of their most bizarre films to date.

An adaptation of Goncharov, a cult classic that languished in obscurity until the 2020s. While the film was referred to internally and in public reviews of the film as "The Muppets of Naples", the actual marketing of the movie instead titled it after its main lead: "Gonzorov". This was one of many enigmatic choices made by the production crew, and has never been elaborated on by the cast or crew. The film was a gigantic flop for multiple reasons, but most agree that the source of the troubles stems from the nature of Goncharov as a tragedy and a generally depressing movie to watch.

Reportedly, conflicts among the writing staff began almost immediately due to being unable to decide on which cut of Goncharov to base the film on. Eventually, however, director Brian Henson put his foot down and forced the writers to adapt the Ambrosini Cut. Generally agreed to be a less depressing movie than the Morelli Cut, it was expected that "Gonzorov" should have been a much more entertaining and narratively adept movie than it was. As the Muppets proved just two years later in "Muppet Treasure Island", they are very capable of handling otherwise dramatic material with aplomb. This leaves the question of why this movie was such a flop.

To quote Kermit the Frog during the interviews after the cinema debut, the movie was allegedly emotionally draining for the crew to adapt. "You know, we have a script. Mostly. But we do a lot of improv too. I'd wager it's about 60% script, 40% improv on a good day of filming. But, uh… We just weren't feeling it with this one, you know? We watched the original, and… Boy, it's really sad. Goncharov's just kind of a lonely guy trying to make himself a life. And it's not a good life, but it's his to own, and it ultimately kinda falls apart. Gonzo tried to make the role his own, but I think we all realised that we couldn't really make a joke out of the movie in the way that we wanted to."

The Muppets were skillful enough to change the genre to an absurdist tragicomedy, a film where the tragic and meaningless cycle of violence is paradoxically played for laughter. However, despite this, the film is well-known for its bizarrely melancholy air and almost hopeless atmosphere. Everybody seems thoroughly certain that their improv will have little to no impact on the film as a whole, creating a strange and compelling meta-narrative where not even the actors themselves can escape the almost gravitational pull of the ticking clock. Their characters will die, and any attempts to joke their way out of it comes off as desperate, almost deluded in a sense.

The original Goncharov held a deep fascination with inevitability. Clocks are the primary theme, though it appears in other forms. It is this same inevitability that strangles the Muppets, their impressive comedic skills held captive by their own belief that the narrative is inescapable.

Of particular note is the bridge scene, wherein Gonzorov and Katya (played by the dazzling Miss Piggy) discuss the slow collapse of the Italian mafia. The original Goncharov scene had Goncharov desperately trying to hold things together, even as they slipped through his fingers, but here… Gonzorov realises that it's pointless. He can't fix it, but at the same time he can't let it go. He begs Katya to shoot him. Cut to the chase. She's going to shoot him anyway, that's how the movie ends, right? Might as well go out on his own terms. But this horrifies Katya, and she throws her gun away, accidentally saving Gonzorov in the process.

This adds a new layer to the themes of inevitability that Goncharov is wrapped up in, and it's this: Inevitability goes both ways. You're going to die, but only when you're meant to. You don't get lucky. You don't have accidents. Inevitability is a ticking clock, but that countdown is a safety net. As long as you can still hear that clock ticking down, it means you've stitll got time to burn. When a bomb is counting down, just five minutes until it detonates, you do everything you can to buy yourself more time on the clock. Even if all your effort only gains you an extra second, that's what you have to do, right? A single second is worth the blood of innocent men.

But again, inevitability. That second you earned cost you minutes, cost hours days weeks months years. The clock WILL run out.

[read more]

[mywingsareonwheels]

I've started to immediately block "and everyone clapped" commenters on posts. They somehow manage to be both the most unnecessary cynical *and* the most embarrassingly naive people on tumblr, and so fricking infuriating.

I mean... do they not know about life? Do they not know how weird and rich and singular a day can be?

When I was about a year old, I almost certainly got mentioned on a science programme on the radio (as an anonymous baby who'd been witnessed being totally unconcerned by a species of insect on a specific beach in western Scotland). My jazz upright bass playing was once complimented by one of the drummers for Animal (as in the Muppet) (and then I got too ill to practice... *sighs*). One of my ancestors was the Italian-born daughter of a Spanish mercenary during the Napoleonic Wars who shockingly married a roper from north-east England and went back to North Shields with him and their baby (and oh goodness does there need to be a novel about them ;-) ). I've had a hug from Jacqueline King to wish me luck when I was playing a principal boy in an amateur panto.

Those are four random facts about me, some impressive, some not really. I'm not particularly unusual! Life is just like that sometimes.

I'm not saying believe everything you read on the internet, but honestly personal history anecdotes in my experience tend to be a lot more reliable than some other things.

Also this: if you do "and then everyone clapped" about somebody's account of experiencing marginalisation or oppression you are being a shithead. Even if you are genuinely of the opinion that the person posting might not be telling the truth, you are entirely likely to be wrong, and the consequences if you get it wrong are bigger than if you leave well alone. One thing I haven't mentioned above is the times I've experienced ableism or biphobia or transphobia or neurosupremacy, and you know why? Because I honestly don't care if anyone on here thinks I'm lying about any of those facts above. I mean, I'll still block anyone who disbelieves me, on principle, because fuck that shit. But it's not exactly important.

Being disbelieved (especially openly disbelieved for lols) about the important stuff though? Oh man that's horrible. And nobody needs that.

[androgynousblackbox]

have you seen the latest RaM episode? I was hoping to see if you had any thoughts about it! I really liked the exploration and the going off the gotdamb rails with the decoys. Also that scene with rick just. dick out and making morty peek at his ass for No actual reason sndhs

Don't forget the fact that his family didn't questioned for a single second that it should be MORTY the one to look into Rick's ass, like there was never anyone else but Morty who should be do it. It was gross, sure, but also such a... "guys would be guys" moment but not in the violent/toxic way but on the silly and unnecesary way, you know? Like Morty called it "punishment" and, sure, nobody wants to be farted into their face, but I can see Rick pulling a similar move on just any friend he feels like pranking to and, on a way, that was kinda wholesome. Okay, so I am going to pour my thoughts about this and the other episode as I usually do here so bear with me: -The fact that Summer IMMEDIATELY picked on what could go wrong about the whole decoy thing, and Rick has to aknowledge that Summer was smarter than this on this regard. This to me is talking again about how Summer IS actually smarter, emotional and socially wise (meaning with interelationships at least), that she could tell that if one Rick thinking he is not a decoy was going to make decoys then of course other Ricks would have the same idea. But Rick never saw this coming because he was only thinking of the decoys as instruments to be used and disposed, even as he was giving them actual personalities and filled their memories with real ones. He never considered they could go on to make their own because, well, they are not This Rick and this Rick is the smartest man in the universe, the guy that unironically think himself to be god, so OBVOUSLY think only HE would be capable of pulling that off. -The fact the immediately after a Rick wins while proclaiming himself "not a man, I am god!" only to be killed by what is essentially JUST A TOY, some little creature that was MEANT to be killed but got pissed when nobody did it. A literal "god" got eliminated for something fucking mundane that didn't even had to do with the main conflict. He doesn't even understand WHY this little dude just killed him, he died with uncertainty, and if that isn't the most human experience ever then I don't know. -With this episode and the first one, I HOPE this season is going to be about desconstructing Rick thinking himself above anything else. I said this before, but I don't trust fans who truly believe Rick is entitled to do anything he wants and be shitty with everyone because he is smart. It seems to be like these two episode literally adressed that kind of attitude by putting Rick on situations where not even he can get out of and revealing he is, in fact, still just a flawed human being. A major criticism that many people have levered against the show is that yes, we know Rick is sad and miserable, but the show still goes out of it's way to keep making him win on anything he wants (most of the time at least) and thus is signaling to the audience the idea that he is always right, that he should be always right, because he has the power to do anything he wants. The very first episode start with Rick about to fucking die with all his regrets ("I am a silly man, a silly old man") and then he is saved BY MORTY. If it wasn't because of Morty being there that would be it, they both would be gone. -The previous season was already descontructing Rick as the patriarch of the house and show how nobody "needs him" on the same way they needed him on the first season. The only character you could argue still gives a fuck about Rick's approval/recognition is Summer, but even then Summer was never submissive and passive like Season One Morty was to Rick, instantly believing anything he said. Plus, we all know that Rick COULD take Summer on all his adventures and she would never complain about it because she doesn't give a fuck about school anyway. But he still insist on taking Morty instead, despite his protests, because he just likes Morty better than Summer and he does not take well with Morty not relying on him. I don't fucking buy the whole "cancelling brain waves" excuse anymore because, come on, there is a million ways in which Rick could circunvent that problem if he wanted to

but he just prefers keep Morty around. -On the first episode Rick literally says "let me deus ex machina out of here". Deus ex machina literally means the hand of god because in ancient greek mythology many plays would have an element of a literal hand coming from the sky to take the characters out of any problem they are in. And it didn't worked! He needed Mr Nimbus to save them. Because he is not fucking god, and the show is finally showing us concrete evidence of this, while Rick is still the only one with this delusion on his head and this delusion is part of his downfall. The whole second episode is nothing else but Rick's ego fucking him in the ass, literally killing him over and over again. -Beth was GREAT rejoicing on Rick's existential crisis and she fucking deserved that moment, I am glad they gave it to her. -The way so many of the decoys decided to react to knowing they were decoys was so amazing. Like yeah, a majority of them decided to be all "oh no, there can only be one", but many other just off themselves because they couldn't handle not being The Original, insisting to the last moment that they MUST be the original because, well, that is what they think, and then other decoys were just ready to accept death because they had accepted there was no other way. -The only wish of Summer to be on the ocean was... so wholesome? Like it made for a beautiful scene in general, but then they dying hand by hand and just happy to be together, Rick apoligizing to Morty because they couldn't make his wish come true, such a good moment. -The fact that all those Ricks made decoys purely out of a sincere desire to protect his family, it's just great. It was still selfish to basically create life with the only purpose of it being destroyed, but it was motivated as another security measure to protect others, not just himself. -The skin wearing Rick on the swamps talking about "a Rick must provide for his family". Ricks CARE about their family so much. -The puppet Smits were so cute, I loved their voices. -THE MUPPET SMITHS. Even if it was nothing but a costume, it was cute and I want them on Pocket Mortys. -This scene is a Call Me By Your Name reference and nobody tells me otherwise:

As I explained on a server: 1. Italian. The movie happens on Italy. 2. Pool. Many crucial scenes include a pool. 3. Age difference. If they just wanted to imply Morty was flirting they could have used just an older teenager, they didn't need a literal hunk that kinda looks like the older character on the movie. 4. THERE IS FUCKING PEACHES ON THE FOREFRONT. If anyone saw Call me by your name, they know they literally fucked a peach at some point and then the love interest EATS IT ANYWAY. And what does it look like the guy Morty is with is eating? PEACHES. 5. Parents are watching and don't give a fuck. 6. I have decided. -Regardless if it's a reference or not, though, is still pretty fucking gay. -I have seen some fans theorizing that the Smith family we see in the end with Space Beth was our own, and at first I thought so too because they are with Space Beth but then I was... wait a minute, ALL Beth decoys knew there was a Space Beth. They went out of their way to show us this by always having Beth being the one who insisted that no decoy had to die, because she knew what was to feel like a copy. When Rick decided to make another family exactly as his own, he also made HIMSELF expendable and interchangeable. We don't need thirty Smith families, the show only needs one and it doesn't matter which one is it as long is one we can recognize. Why couldn't that have been another decoy family that just so happened to want to do a space trip while all the bullshit was happening? I don't think they are ever going to confirm if this was our original Smith family or don't, just like they won't confirm which Beth is the clone, but I personally think it would be fucking hilarious if they were a decoy and Our Rick just died thinking he was a decoy. -Also the way that Space Beth was just casually putting an arm around Morty made me so happy. Considering that Beth is also the mother who prefered to save Summer over Morty when their lives were in danger, I really like the idea that Space Beth sees how much Morty has grown and is proud of him for becoming a badass himself without Rick's help. That is just my headcanon though, but wouldn't be nice to have SOMEONE appreciate Morty? -Finally, but not less important... Rick knew Morty uses a yosemite shirt in order to cum. This man literally knew about the masturbatory habits of his grandson. Rick went as far on his desire to protect his family he used that knowledge for the decoys. He also told Morty to not fuck his double, which is a nice little reference to Morty literally doing that on the comics but also a subtle way to tell us that Morty is definitely Not Straight because, yeah, I am fucking counting selfcest as a form of queerness because regardless of everything else, that is still two identifying male characters fucking. We only need Beth showing attraction to some female character and the entire Smith family would be officially pan/bi.

[alovevigilante]

Me: Ok. I’ve made an executive decision on behalf of all of us...

Me also: are you an executive?

Me: yes.

Me also: at what company?

Me: ours. Yours and mine.

Me 3: and mine too!

Me: yes, at threes company, ok? Will you just listen to me? (The other me’s sit, silent) thank you. Now, we have all come to terms with the fact that we’re 46 and still not sure where the hell we fit in in society, let alone a career to help aid it, right?

Other me’s: yes, Agreed, (hub hub etc...)

Me: ok, good. Well, not good, but yes, we all concur. Now, we, collectively, are a fucking mess, so I propose this: we start from scratch. At zero point, ok? Ok! Great!

Me also: um, question?

Me: yes?

Me also: I don’t mean to be a contrarian or anything, but we’ve been here on earth now for 46 years, and we’ve experienced a butt ton. So, how do you just scrap it all, and have that be something that’s widely accepted by society as a whole?

Me 3: yeah! Cause I saw this one “I love Lucy” where she couldn’t even audition for a tv show without having some experience.

Me: yeah, but we’re completely walking away from the entertainment industry...

Me also: yeah, but what are we going to do? Walk into a different profession, let’s say, being an astrophysicist, and they say, “hey lady, where are your degrees and your on the job training, & oh, I see here on your non resume that you have never even taken a physics class. Were you in a coma for 50 years or something?” And then we’ll look like an asshole.

Me: good point. So, since we can’t start at a zero point, how do we make life ok from where we’re at if we’re feeling lost and confused about what to do next?

Me 3: I dunno.

Me also: well, maybe we can mediate.

Me: eh. You feel like that?

Me 3: not particularly. Me also?

Me also: I was hoping one of you would do it for me...

Me: no.

Me 3: no.

Me also: fine. Any other ideas?

Me: well... how about thinking about shit.

Me also: that’s what got us in this mess to begin with!

George Carlin: hello ladies! May I be of some assistance here?

Me 3: why not? We’re plum out of ideas...

George: ok, well, let’s simplify a bit, Kari, singular, let’s chat.

Kari: hey George.

George: love the pic you choose to rep me.

Kari: yeah. You’re being a lil Italian when you talk with the garlic clove shaped hand you got going there. 🤌 🧄 🇮🇹

George: Yeah. I’m diggin it. But you know, in your mind, I’m one of the reasons you’re here in this ass place.

Kari: you are? how do you figure?

George: people don’t like the fact that you write on behalf of the deceased.

Kari: well, Tim burton did it in beetle juice and a lot of folks love him..

George: ok Kari, can I be Frank... Sinatra-like with you?

Kari: I dunno, can you?

George: yeah. Just pretend I’m sporting a fedora, a cigarette in one hand, and throwing my jacket back over my shoulder with the other looking at you coyly.

Kari: ok... if you want to... but is the cigarette in his pocket? Cause if it’s lit, that shits gonna hurt his Netherlands eventually....

George: (like Sinatra) no. Now listen up, baby, it’s not normal to write on behalf of a dead person that was not a character, and that whom was once alive. People get touchy about it. We have friends still alive that knew us and probably don’t dig it.

Kari: I see.

George: so it seems like we’re at a crossroads here. What do you want to do about it?

Kari: do about what?

George: your writing! It’s freakin everyone out! Kari, look, you know how normal Hollywood is, ok? They are all normal, non creative, in the box gladly thinker kinda people...

Kari: they are?

George: yes!!! Come on, keillor, get with the program! You are too far fetched for these folks! They want normalcy, and sameness, and only all the shit that’s ever been shat!

Kari: George, are we talking about Hollywood California, here? Or Hollywood podunk nah? Because Hollywood California is where all the creatives go to create!

George: right! And guess what, Kari Keillor! You are not welcomed in Hollywood, California! They have a sign up with your picture on it at the airport that says, “beware! No to this woman! Too much with the weirdness! She writes dead people!”

Kari: I write live people too... hey, do I have a cowboy hat and a mustache on for my mugshot on that sign?

George: nice one Cookie Monster! Well, Keillor why not?! You may as well, because this story has as much validity as any other story you make up and make worse in your head cause you’re sensitive about of your writing...

Kari: you’re the one that said all that shit! You planted it in my head!!!

George: so I did, but remember, I’m a facet of you. So, decide. Is there any validity to what I/you said?

Kari: how the hell should I know?! I haven’t been in lax recently...

George: right! So you never know until you try talking to some people.

Kari: I’ll call the airport... Listen, George, I’ll be perfectly Frank Sinatra with you now, ok.?

Don rickles: no mere woman can be like ole blue eyes...

Kari: Shut your misogynistic, ass-kissing pie hole, Pickles.

Pickles rickles: oh fuck... she does it to me every time...

Frank Sinatra:, you tell him, baby!

Kari: I’m 46. (Back to George Carlin) Anyway, look George, I have had a few successful people from my entertainment past either shun or block me for no apparent reason, so I’m pretty sure that I’m not well received again, for whatever reason... probably because I wrote the truth about a second city class I took when I was 16, about the current state of snl which I am completely unfamiliar with because I do not watch it, and the way comedy has changed or not over the last many years. Come to think of it, maybe it was because I love frank oz, and frank was mad cause I wrote that belushi John was teasing him and calling him an asshole, another ironic statement because clearly frank oz, NOT an asshole, was many of the muppets for years, and Frank is one of my idols! (Not a true central religious figure to me, but someone I admire a lot...)

Frank Sinatra: who loves ya, baby??

Kari: (to Frank) kojak. (Back to herself) Or it could be because i called bill murray, the beloved patron saint of comedy, an asshole like me, yes, I said like ME, out of jest and irony, because yes, he cared about the kid in meatballs making friends, ok?! That’s probably it. & yes, i was kinda stoned when I wrote it, and also yes, I still can’t figure out why the movie was ducking named “meatballs”, cause there wasn’t an Italian to be seen in it! Ok?! And come to think of it bill as Peter venkman in ghostbusters 2, written in part, by him I think but let’s just say yes cause it supports my point, called all of New York City and it’s tri state area, all 3 million people, miserable assholes, and they took a head count, & they still (probably mostly) all love him! & that shit was good (I love that movie so much) and it was made in 1989, and that was a long ass time ago, ok? And some of those people, have procreated since then, and again, they all love bill Murray and now those “miserable asshole’s” kids, ALSO love Bill now! Double the miserable assholes! Why?! Because he’s funny, and much like me when I’m being tongue and cheek, he didn’t mean for people to take the shit he says seriously! See for yourself! https://youtu.be/t1gkRAWvxOs (1:15 on)

So yes!!! I just think people are not into that kind of talk from me and me alone, even though it wasn’t coming from a mean or spiteful place. It was coming from a place of love for my craft, and of both frank oz, and bill Murray. The rest, as I say once again... I dunno....

George: Kari, frank just told you he loves you, and you blatantly ignored him...

Kari: no, he asked who loved me. He didn’t say he loved me.

George: Keillor, stop being so mean to the dead crooners, ok?

Kari: pickles isn’t a crooner! He’s a ye olde well paid curmudgeon who made fun of everyone like a jerk fach.

George: um, Kari...

Kari: no, ok? No! The difference between me and pickles, besides everything under the sun other than the fact we’re both human, is the fact that I am pointing out the obvious hypocrisy of the way we are set up as society, and wanting to heal it within myself to make it a more palatable world for me and my family and friends and acquaintances to live in. And pickles thought making fun of people was ok. What royal lineage did pickles come from that he’s able to rip on everyone the way he did? And even if he was of a royal bloodline so fucking what?! And dude got paid to be mean! And normal people made him rich and famous! And how did that become prevalent, let alone celebrated in this world?! Roast em! Yes! Hilarious.

Dean Martin: oh noooo... hey, listen pally...

Kari: dean, don’t get me started, ok? Cause I like you, I really do, but you know how I feel about that shit... Listen, Dean, you left a legacy here that was mostly great, but in my opinion needs a lil tweaking. Instead of “roasts” which people do to this day, and I can’t see how it can make the honoree feel anything other than like major ass, we should have “toasts” (copyright Kari keillor 3/19/21 actually before this date but I never published publicly...)

Pickles rickles: toasts?!? What is THAT supposed to mean?!

Kari: it means, my curious lil ornery pickles, that instead of roasting someone and being a mean rotter egg to them, you can “toast” them. Cheers to you, honoree, we salute you, in a hilarious way, by being honest about you but not vicious, viper like, and cruel. It’s where everyone laughs together cause it’s not a character assassination, instead of ripping on someone. It’s being funny, and yes, in a KIND and uplifting way. Where you actually celebrate the person being honored. Now, will that take a lil more brain power then the go-to usual jerk fach? Yes. But, it’s a challenge I hope everyone will accept for the good of all of us. Cause I guarantee that no one walks out of a roast feeling great. And if they do, cause they thought they killed or whatever, they probably did. And not in a good way. And that, again, is ass. No one wins. It’s a short lived feeling, the feeling of “one upping” a person. It never makes you feel better about you in the long run.

Dean: I see. I think I’ll go work on my volare now...

Kari: see?!? Now THAT I like! It’s not at anyone’s expense!

George: oh shit.... kari.... Why do you give a fuck about all this?

Kari: you know why George? Cause this has become our accepted collective energy! The haves and the have nots! Take away your money and what have you got?! Who are you, without the people who have made you who you are?! People, make other people in the 3D reality we live in. So take away everyone’s cash money, homes, clothes, and all the cars, and all the shit, and what do ya got? A bunch of naked humans starring at our different body bits, ok?! We’re All the f’n same. So think about it. What are we each individually contributing energetically to the whole of us? What message are we sending the next generations In our every day lives? I’ll tell you what message. Whatever we feel about ourselves individually both good and bad. THAT’S what energy we all give, and receive from one another. That’s what we’re teaching the kids. They model themselves after how we feel, and how we choose to think, and how we decide to act toward others. So let’s all collectively recognize that, and how we treat other human beings and wake up first inside ourselves then beyond ourselves so we can all make the whole, better.

I am not an asshole or a human joke or any other kind of joke. I’m not going to cry over the fact that I’m not accepted by people who’s energies don’t match mine. And by the by, no one is a joke, no matter who they are, or what their socioeconomic standing is. So I don’t wear an ascot and a smoking jacket, and a neck full of gold chains and chest hair, holding a whiskey on the rocks with an umbrella in it saying “see that?! be somebody!” ok?! I’m not Steve Martin in the jerk, ok? https://youtu.be/tBfXTyzaUfQ

I’m not even close to Hollywood! I live in the Midwest! I’m Kariwood, ok? And I’m not even kari wood, I’m no woods, ok? cause I’m pretty much never in the woods or the outdoors for that matter, so much so that I just purchased a sweatshirt that says, “indoorsy” on it, ok? True story! So yeah. Cause one time I was in Wisconsin in the woods, and I was thinking, “look at me! I’m in the woods! Weird, no?!” (Cause never in the woods, but I thought, I’ll give it a shot! What’s the worst that can happen?) And guess what? Despite my shower the night before, I felt something on the base of my skull the next morning, and I picked out a really nasty, creepy and scary tick. And it was alive, and disgusting, and wiggly. And I started screaming. And I am still freaked out to this day about it. And that happened at least 17 years ago. And I didn’t like it. So that’s how “non woods-y” I am... I’m not even a fan of woodsy the owl, ok?

So I don’t know how I feel about all that. All this to say that I am definitely not Hollywood, but yes, I am included, as a “somebody”. I may not be an award winning, keillor, but I am still somebody, and I may not be rich and famous, but yes, I am somebody, and I may have been on one trajectory and now I do t know what the heck I am now, ok? It’s true, and yes, I’ve posted this before and I’ll keep posting it until everyone in me gets on board with it, yes! I am still somebody because yes, dear me, we are all this: somebody! : https://youtu.be/tu0lNcrZjG8

George: hard to argue with that.

Kari: eh. You know what I am, George?

George: yes, Kari. I know what you are. But do you?

Kari: well, I feel, like I’m one of those kids on Sesame Street sometimes, looking up at and intently listening to Jesse Jackson, wondering how to get from small to big, and from where I am, to the success that he reps, you know? The importance of being admired by many. Having a big platform to play on. A huge soapbox to stand on, you know?

George: yes. I get it, Kari, I really do. And we’ve all been there. But everyone’s story about themselves, is different. How we all got to where we are, was our own personal trajectory that we designed with our beliefs. And our thoughts. There’s no set pattern or manual to follow. The only energy you must follow, is your passion and your joy, aka the love. That’s it. So, if you want to be, and decide to be, you ARE Hollywood,. Because Hollywood isn’t a specific person or group of people, it’s a place, and an energy. Hollywood is what you make it to be with how you view it. You don’t have to “be” Hollywood to be in Hollywood...

Kari: you said I wasn’t allowed in Hollywood..

George: you may not be. All I’m saying, is that you are whatever you decide you are. The end.

Kari: well, am I or not? Cause I don’t want to go and be turned away. Besides, I love visiting olvera st.

George: Its a fine street, it is. Great margaritas... listen Kari, you cannot achieve anything in this life that you don’t truly believe is in the realm of your possibility. So yes! You can be, and pretty much are are Hollywood keillor, even if it’s in the Midwest in your own home.. You are creative, and love the arts, and are nutsy, and ballsy, and you may hold the title as being the first person to ever separate the two, and bring them back together in a scote sack, ok? So keep writing, and be yourself.

Kari: I dunno. But what I do know is this: I did it again...

George: did what?

Kari: reactivated all the shit memories and feelings from the past that I’ve felt about my career, allowing myself to relive all those fun feels of inadequacy and upset alllll over again.

George: aww, it’s happened to the best of us. Listen Kari, you are, in my humble not so humble opinion, since I’m still you, a loving person. So you reflect that way; with humor, and yes, absurdist, surreal comedy.

Kari: well, I’ll try.

George: You already do. Your credentials are superfluous. Your love and support of you no matter what you do moving forward is what you’ll feel when you choose to, and it’s available anytime you want to feel it. And when you feel that, it really doesn’t matter what you do.

Kari: ok, well, thanks George. It’s nice to know I have you around.

George: Kari, you were once told that you are golden, no?

Kari: well, I was told that I’ll be golden at some point moving forward doing whatever it is I choose to do.

George: right. So, when are you going to decide to experience that?

Kari: hopefully soon.

George: Kari, why do you chop to talk to and write about us “passed over folk”?

Kari: I dunno. I guess it’s cause I love and miss you guys in theory, even though I didn’t know you personally. And I like to re-experience your energy, as I appreciated and admired it. It helps me feel better.

George: you’re now golden.

Scene.

Appendices: if you choose to perform this scene, good luck. I’d like you to do it all in one breath, if you are a more advanced, and professional actor. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💕💕💕💕

[italianfish]

Here’s some things that I’ve overheard recently

- Michael Jackson part 1, before he came around

- That’s a sexy gauge

- We have cones in our eyes??? *Turns to friend* Show me your eyes.

- What’s ROYGBIV? Is that a person?

- I put the jewish inside of him

- The air in my house is polluted with sleeping pills

- One day someone will react to my gay jokes

- One day someone brought a tub of ice cream out of their backpack in the middle of class

- Hey Francis (Talking to a blow up alien)

- Why do you like assholes

- Aladdin doesn’t have nipples

- Support your own god damn neck!

- I saw my friend in the bathroom and he gave me orange juice

- FORM THE EQUATOR!!!

- Yes, indeed my good sir

- Sharing your wealth is the way to become poor

- I’m sorry I don’t have calcium in my body

- Why the pancreas?!

- I watched this show and these characters exploded and it was my favorite show

- Someone is going to lose a pancreas

- A: Don’t lose your pancreas B: I’ll try to hold onto it

- She knew how to multiply! And I was like “You’re only three!”

- Come on Moser, hitting the nut won’t do anything

- I work with a prostitute

- I love crunchy pancakes

- You are a big neon doof

- Look I can spit, I’m cool now

- ‘Ay! Trout!

- In her free time she did her taxes

- Hey! You like Raisin Bran?

- If you get a rooster you’ll be hungry, unless you eat him

- It smells like Hawaii

- If A claims he’s a god and Jesus says he’s the son of god... Does that mean Jesus is A’s son?

- We managed to convince our sub that this was a film and lit class so we watched infinity war all period

- A- So let’s keep the duck B- It’s a vulture...

- Did you just call me fuzzy?

- I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on

- He looks like a punk rock jazz drummer

- A- British! British! B- I HAVE A NAME!

- Stop putting your dog in the oven!

- Did you expect it to be that good of a cactus?

- I relate to Squidward so much

- He was like the dad that left to get cigarettes and never came back

- We’re literally following Marty Mcfly

- My elbows are funky fresh

- A- You shank em’ B- No! That is the exact opposite of a solution!

- Unicorns caused global warming

- A- No balls in class! B- But we’re in health

- The crazy chellos are back

- See! I do have friends!

- It’s a train, a train of love

- A- Why do they keep getting rid of the babies? B- I don’t know, abortion

- You have to earn the bucket hat

- My friend brought in 7 bucket hats

- Hide the forks!

- The turtles tried to cross the road once

- I’m scared of turtles

- So does everyone just carry a sword around in their back pocket?

- When you’re fishing, anyone in a bucket hat has authority

- She has cheese on her hook!

- Are your knee pits moist?

- Why are you molesting me with water

- I was born vaccinated

- I was born to be a little spoon

- Why do I look like a hispanic man

- Can I tickle your knee pits?

- You’re going to get eaten by the ocean

- A- You’re a hot mess B- Hey! At least I’m hot!

- They’ve developed a handshake! Isn’t this a problem?!

- We’re in the OG thirteen colonies

- A- I’m not used to seeing those big grassy structures B- You mean trees?!

- My name is bagged milk

- You only drink bagged milk once, in Canada

- It’s not expensive, you’re just poor

- I forgot I’m a lady

- That’s you after I poop

- I want to be Brazilian

- I figured out what the voice was! They’re playing Bingo

- A- Do “coo coo” B- CAW

- It’s probably in a nice aisle, aisle 9

- So inside the bag there are 3 more bags full of milk

- Mom we got the bagged milk

- He told me I looked like Nicholas Cage

- Her bio says inhale the kale

- I feel like an easy bake oven

- The bags just like, left

- But what about the unicorns

- Look at that potato! That looks free!

- Everyone! Find a piece of metal and lick it

- I’m the toilet man

- Go fetch me grapes

- All girls want to molest this

- He ate a whole pancake out of an Applebee’s dumpster

- Why did he eat turf

- I’m on a mission to find dairy products

- I was going to go to school and pretend to be a witch

- Remember when you put the lotion in my mouth and I drank it?

- We’re playing quarter baseball

- Pretend you’re sleeping

- The ultimate frisbee association

- My mom picked me up from school so I could go to ultimate frisbee practice

- They got a $2000 grant for a barely existing ultimate frisbee team

- She’s ultra mom

- The dodgeball guy called my friend a walrus

- We did a dramatic reading of an adult novel

- He was buying materials to make a whip

- Grate her down like a piece of cheese

- We sat in a circle and named our most Jewish quality

- 4 is the cosmic number

- I hate being a fertile woman

- Excuse me I’m Jewish

- Surprise disco duet

- I shook like 7 tents

- She’s the strings teacher, we keep her in the basement

- Whenever we finished a test and we said “I’m done” he would say “I’m done! You’re finished!” his last name was Done

- I thought the fire hydrant was a turkey

- I asked him if his password was like an anniversary or something and he said “It’s the date of my grandparents death”

- He gives us weekly quantum physics lectures

- Bruh! That looks like a lunchbox!

- No offense but this guy would make out with a floorboard

- You seem like the kind of person to kiss a floorboard

- You sound exactly like my pediatrician

- Lots of poop, no sock

- She’s not doing her work, she’s looking at Peppa pig

- Yo neighbor, I need some sugar

- White moms are really easy to scare

- Even though it’s part of Asia, ITS NOT

- Why was there a hanging waffle?!

- I got complimented on my croissant

- You can sell your liver

- Bernie Sanders reminds me of a muppet

- WHY IS THERE A HELICOPTER IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

- What are you going to do? Hunt squirrels?

- *A bunch of AP students shouting “Linguini”*

- I got bitten by an iguana in Aruba

- We got an actor to join the hammock group chat

- Say goodbye to your ovaries

- I’m half a butt cheek away from death

- Are you one of those people who puts ice cream and pop tarts in a blender

- Yo! You got any shoes I can eat???

- That’s how you segregate your trail mix???

- He has a six pack of ribs

- I’m so done with books about African children

- Do homies kiss

- I’m here for the num nums

- Don’t touch my pizza you savage!!!

- HURRY UP AND MEDITATE

- What are you for Halloween? Jewish?

- Do ducks have tails

- He was the one that broke the constitution

- Oh god now there’s Hitler on my paper

- God given right of ruling... Manifest destiny in China

- Do you shampoo your eyebrows

- This isn’t Bayblade!

- Bob Ross wasn’t an artist, he was an art therapist

- If anyone on the team is a jellyfish, it’s definitely Brandon

- It’s your fault that I’m not going to college!

- I’m having spinach for dinner! I’m so excited!

- I locked him in his toolbox

- Let’s rent a midget for a day and we can throw him against a wall

- I know how to utilize money, but do I know how to utilize it well, that’s another question

- Man, that place needs a Chick-fil-a, and I’m going to make it

- We should have the purge in school one day

- If you’re weird enough, people won’t want to rape you

- Flex seal it with tape

- Oh yeah, I got vinegar all over my sweatshirt

- Don’t say “Have a good day”, because I’m not having a good day

- Well maybe someday you’ll have cancer

- What’s up guys, I’m from Richie’s pizza, and today I’ll be showing you my body count

- An obo sounds like a clarinet with Down syndrome

- I DONT HAVE ANY MARINARA SAUSCE ON ME RIGHT NOW

- WE WILL SMUGGLE OUR KIDS TO AMERICA

- I’m the jolly black giant

- You pissed off a priest

- If we get a lot of money, I can take her boyfriend to prom

- Ted Bundy would share a lot of ideas with you

- They’re doing a milk experiment... But with marinara

- A- That’s not a color! B- But it’s on a crayon!

- Hey what’s up cheese goblin

- I’m letting my toes breathe

- I’m just saying, tinfoil doesn’t taste that bad

- YOURE EATING IT YOU UNGRATEFUL SWINE

- When I was away were you in my house? Because it’s happened before

- How do you say I have scoliosis in Italian?

- I’m gonna give give birth to a duck, right here, right now

- Are you comparing a 3D printed violin to genocide

- I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE

- Brother from another mother, TELL ME ABOUT THAT

- I’m a vulture, just vulturing

- I’m going on a field trip to the sewage treatment plant on my birthday

- You’re making my vagina angry

- Competitive Just Dance team

- Oh no there’s spaghetti falling out of my pockets!

- (Yoda impression) Take anger out on minorities I must

- I can turn off the lights and you’d still be white

[tlbodine]

Unintentionally Hilarious Creature Features of the 1980s

As we’ve discussed, the 1980s were a time where capitalism ramped up faster and harder than ever before. Thanks to home video distribution and the growing popularity of the franchise, the demand for horror films was high, and people were happy to fill that demand with often, uh, questionable movies. 

We watched a pair of those last night. 

Rats: Night of Terror (1983)

This movie is spectacularly, wonderfully terrible. 

Directed by  Bruno Mattei, an Italian filmmaker known for a very robust career of high-cheese awful films, Rats delivers an unintentionally hilarious spin on what would, on paper, be a pretty fascinating concept. 

A couple hundred years after atomic devastation renders the world an inhospitable wasteland, a biker gang of punks comes rolling into a city in search of supplies. They find them -- but unfortunately, their safe haven is also infested with a teeming horde of monstrously hungry and intelligent rats! 

This actually sounds extremely good, right? Well, it would be, except: 

The costuming and acting and...honestly the whole vibe of the film resemble over-eager LARP more than a movie. Seriously, if you got a group of self-serious post-apocalyptic LARPers together and filmed their hijinks as they tried to blunder through a story led by an inexperienced DM, you would get this movie. 

The characters have names like Lucifer, Taurus and Chocolate (she’s the token black character, who is also the badass action chick, because that stereotype flourished in this era). 

One of the characters is wearing a thong body suit and a cape. For no particular reason. Just....hang on, you need a visual aid for this movie. 

Mad Max called. It wants its aesthetic back. 

The film is Italian, but we watched it -- as most of the world did in 1983 -- dubbed. The dubbing is not very good. I’m also not entirely certain if the voice actors were actually given a script or if they just sort of watched the movie and ad-libbed, bad lipreading style. I kind of hope it’s the latter. 

The rats, our vile enemies! Are. I mean. First off, I guess in order to make them scarier (oooh red eyes evil!) instead of using actual black rats, they instead used white rats that had been....dyed? rolled in charcoal? unclear. The result is that in every scene, the rats -- which are supposed to be viciously threatening, you understand -- are mostly just sitting there grooming themselves trying to get this nasty shit off. One of the rats has succeeded in giving himself an all-white head and they just leave him that way in the footage. Maybe he’s the leader. 

Since the rats themselves are a bit too preoccupied to be terrifying, the film crew relies instead on...pretty much just flinging them from off-camera. Characters going about their lives will quite suddenly have a rat just chucked at them, or a whole bucket full of them dropped from overhead. 

Nature’s most perfect killing machines. 

There’s some cheesy gore sequences, including a memorable effect of a rat climbing out through the mouth of a corpse, and none of these are very well-done, which I’m sure must surprise you. There’s also a wonderful twist ending, which I won’t spoil for you just in case you want to go enjoy this spectacular cheese-fest for yourself. Honestly, this movie is a treasure and one of the best I’ve seen for the MST3K treatment. Hop into a discord chat and stream this with your buddy and have a wonderful time just straight-up roasting it. Good belly laughs for the soul. 

Our second film of the night was Uninvited (1987)

Written, produced and directed by  Greydon Clark as a direct-to-video horror, Uninvited tells the story of a mutant cat that escapes the laboratory where it’s been experimented on and ends up on a yacht with a criminal and a group of unsuspecting college students. 

....yeah. 

Uninvited isn’t nearly as much fun as Rats because it sadly takes itself a bit more seriously. So not only is it bad, it’s boring, which is unfortunate. It does, however, have just. The best possible effects. 

So this mutant cat doesn’t just attack, oh no! Instead, it opens its mouth, and the real mutant cat just...emerges from inside, to crawl around and attack people viciously. In the right hands, this concept would actually be really horrifying! In reality, uh...

Ma’am, is that a muppet bursting out of the mouth of a plushie? 

Yes. Yes it is. 

What...what even...I mean, why though? Also, wait, that last panel reminds me of something, what could it be....

Perfect. 

Anyway. You have my permission to skip Uninvited. Aside from its thoroughly meme-worthy, deeply entertaining transformation effects, the movie is dull garbage. 

Three weeks in and almost every film of the 1980s we’ve seen (with the sole exception of Body Snatchers) has been unintentionally hilarious (or intentionally hilarious). The comedy potential of the horror genre really does get explored to its greatest capacity in this decade, for better or worse. 

We’ll watch some real scary movies in this decade soon, I promise. 

[fly-pow-bye]

Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “The Oct-Father”

Written by: Jake Goldman, Haley Mancini

Written & Storyboarded by: Alicia Chan

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

Leave the reboot, take the cannoli.

Our story begins with Pepe, not the Muppet or that other guy, but a kid with an Italian accent. He's going to make an offer that will probably be refused. Specifically, he's offering his diorama of The Tortoise and the Hare to Princess, in exchanged for Pockets, his pilfered snuggle toy.

This episode is sort of a pastiche on the Godfather. It doesn't entirely reference the plot of the movie, at least not the plot points that are normally parodied, but the style is mostly here. It's a little more subtle than most, mostly sticking to using low-lighting, some psychological elements in the plot, and Princess acting like a Donna. The female equivalent of a Don, that is.

Princess has gained a new habit of stealing these snuggle toys from the poor kids that dared to be away from them for more than five seconds. According to her, these toys don't deserve to be snuggled by these neglectful children, and only by people. By that, she means that they need to give Princess what she wants, including homework assignments.

Unfortunately for Pepe, Princess has standards. Muscle Girl, that's her name as far as anyone knows, deems this diorama B+ worthy at best. Princess doesn't settle for anything less than perfection, and she decides Pockets should stay with her.

Pepe: But I used-a 4-a glue-a sticks on it!

Princess: Should have used 5.

He probably never had a chance anyway.

Muscle Girl then kicks poor Pepe out like a football, kicking off his mouth and nose, too. Joking aside, there's a good use of comedic timing here that got a chuckle out of me. Surprisingly, not the only one in this episode, believe it or not!

Along with being a Godfather-esque episode, this is another episode that seems to entirely focus on Princess's point of view, along with Witch's Crew and Can't Buy Love. They really seem to like this particular character, and yet they couldn't be bothered to give her episodes a unique background for its title card. If anything, it should be blue, because Blossom and Buttercup barely appear in this anyway. At least, I thought that was what the multi-colored backgrounds were for.

Even more fitting to the Godfather, it is Italian Week at Townsville Elementary, and one of the big events is a giant sculpture contest. Princess knows she can win that contest if she gets to bring that. Princess should know, she was the star of the episode where Bubbles actually lifted a building. This one doesn't have any people in it!

Princess does get some doubt from Dancer Guy, yes, that's his name as far as anyone is concerned. Come to think it, it is pretty fitting that Princess refuses to refer to her rap posse's members with their actual names, even if they had them. The Answer Guy knows that Bubbles never lets Octi out of her sight, and Princess takes this doubt quite well...

...by ordering Tiger to tear into Dancing Guy. This becomes a running gag, and I laughed every time it came up. Part of it is just how over the top it is; we even hear some rather violent ripping noises in following shots. There is a lot of violence in this episode, and none of it involved the Powerpuff Girls...yet?

We get a montage that doesn't come with a self-aware song about montages, where Princess tries in vain to steal Octi. She even has an Octi Stunt Double! I can see Bubbles doing that sort of thing.

Princess ends up echoing the Dancing Guy that couldn't dance around the tiger, saying that Bubbles never lets Octi out of her sight. This plot can't go any further until she can steal it, so what could happen? A sleeping potion, courtesy Discount? Princess just pointing somewhere and saying "look, it's Tara Strong"?

No, Bubbles just gets distracted by a butterfly, and then walks in the air in a way that makes her look incredibly silly. I am putting that very mildly, the only grace I can see is that they did not give her a ridiculous facial expression beyond her pupils shrinking. Gotta force that snuggle toy kidnapping somehow, I guess.

She looks around the playground. She looks around the lockers. She looks under the desks, throwing them aside whether they had kids on them or not in another case of random violence in this episode. She even checks the garbage can, continuing a rather interesting to me trend of this reboot putting the Powerpuff Girls in the garbage. In the end, she can't find Octi, and she reacts in a way one might expect.

The next morning, as Blossom and Buttercup are working on their entry in the giant sculpture contest, what looks like a regular-sized spaghetti and meatballs made out of paper mache, they notice that Bubbles is down in the dumps. Not Bubbles The Blue down in the dumps, but "I cried all night" down in the dumps. At least, that's what Blossom and Buttercup was saying; we don't get to see it beyond that "Octi" scream from a scene ago.

As she's holding her coffee cup, she tells the other two not to worry about it, because...

Bubbles: (in an entirely different voice) I'm taking care of it.

Yeah, this joke is a little out of place, even if I could commend them for not even shrinking her pupils here. It's just pure, serious rage, which is what you would expect. That's it, really, there's nothing here that isn't done a lot better in the next scene.

The only other aspect of this particular scene is that it starts a meatball-related gag. It barely comes up and isn't nearly as funny as the tiger mauling scenes, so why bring it up here?

At the school, Princess offers Bubbles a little help with her lost and found situation, but Bubbles decides to refuse that offer. She speaks, in monotone, that she will not play with her, because she only plays with Octi. It's not the kind of monotone where I can question if her voice actress got enough sleep the day before they recorded it, it's an intentional one. It's not really anyone from the Godfather as much as it is Liam Neeson's character from Taken. In fact, it kind of becomes more Taken than Godfather beyond this point.

I was a little taken aback by this character change at first; after that scene and with Bubbles' usual character, you'd think Bubbles would be childishly angry, or keeping a smile on her face while indicating to Princess that she will not like it when she's angry. In a way, that's sort of the point, as even Princess is freaked out by this change of character.

But Princess won't be intimidated by her anti-criminal threats, though she seemingly stops short of telling Bubbles "good luck". She opens her vault, the password being $$$$ because she's a rich girl, and takes out Octi. She then attempts to saw one of Octi's feet off with a sawed knife that she happened to be carrying. I don't think schools would allow that sort of thing, but I'm sure "affluenza" played a part in it.

Dancer Guy interrupts her before she can do that, because, unlike Bubbles and Donny, he can get the mail! He gets punished in the same way; with a tiger mauling by Tiger. She ends up reading the message anyway, and it turns out it's from Bubbles, with one clear message:

"Don't even think about it." Bubbles apparently correctly assumed that Princess would harm Octi...or did she know? Even Princess couldn't answer that.

While Bubbles is out of character, this note is sort of fitting for her. This threatening letter is written in cursive, has crude drawings that need descriptive text, and has little hearts all over it. None of the words are misspelled, and we all know how they love giving the coder the trait of something that causes syntax errors, but I am okay with that. Once again, Princess won't stand down by the threat, but she might need a little help.

She decides to get all the school bullies together, including Big Joey. Not to be confused with Joey the Camp Director or the late Joey the Milkshake That Was Sucked By The Devil. Don't ask. The Big Joey that ended up in Unicorn School in one episode raises the question on why they need to answer to Princess. It's because Princess stole their snuggle toys, too. There is a bit of humor in that these kids look way too old for them.

They manage to find her in the library, and they rush right in...only to come out with utter terror in their eyes. I would joke about how Bubbles probably made one of those horrifying faces, but it does make a lot of sense. Sure, Big Joey is practically the size of the door, but these are just regular children against someone who can fire lasers out of her eyes and lift towers with no problem whatsoever. Even Princess should know this, since the whole point was to get her to lift a tower.

That "steal the Tower of Pisa like Carmen Sandiego" plot gets forgotten, but it's easy to see why it would be forgotten. Princess is in a nervous wreck at this point, not getting a wink of sleep as she desperately clutches onto her stolen toy. Suddenly, a text message comes in, with another rather fitting way for a certain blue octopus seeker.

Princess: Knock knock? Who's there? Me? Uhh...me who?

Bubbles: Me...at your window.

Wow, Bubbles is so serious, she can't even do a proper knock-knock joke. Granted, she probably couldn't even with Octi. Bubbles just suddenly shows up at Princess's home. If the villains seem to know where the Powerpuff Girls live to crash their home, the Powerpuff Girls could know where the villains live, too. Princess adds another question to this.

Princess: But what about my 14 levels of security?

Bubbles: Should have used 15.

That's a good callback, though one might wonder how Bubbles would be able to reference a line she wasn't around for. A coincidence of coincidences? Actually, there's an answer for almost everything here, and one might not like it at first. Princess turns her bed into a giant golden robot suit, and at first, it seems like it works.

And then she gets knocked into the ceiling, and eventually, the robot is punched so hard that Princess falls off of her mansion. Presumably, to her death. Okay, sure, she's falling in what seems to be a grey void, but that is certainly the implication. I was joking about waiting for the Powerpuff Girls to do some violence in this episode; I was not expecting anything like this! Then again, murder might be a bit too much of a punishment for stealing a toy.

It is, as it turns out that it was all a dream. At least, up to the Princess's mansion getting invaded part. On one hand, what a cop out; Princess finally getting a beating for doing some villainous, and it had to be undone with the king of bad plot twists. On the other hand, considering this episode is about Princess psychologically tormented by Bubbles and her threatening stares and letters, it still works! Way to go, making me give a thumbs up to an "it's all a dream" scene.

As Princess eventually realizes said psychological torment will only stop if she gives Octi back, Dancer Guy comes in once again to offer Princess some delicious flapjacks. Noticing Princess is not exactly pleased by his interruption, he decides to snap his own fingers to get Tiger to gnaw on his bones again. I wasn't even expecting a payoff to that running gag, because this is PPG 2016, but color me surprised.

Princess decides to tell Bubbles that she won, giving back her precious toy. However, she wants Princess to give back all of the toys. We're left to question if Bubbles knew about this because of that one confrontation earlier in the episode. She normally doesn't seem that attentive to what's going on around her.

All the kids, at least, they're supposed to be kids, get back those toys, much to their delight. Princess asks if everyone's happy now, proving that she didn't really learn anything, and she gets her own punishment for it. Mauling by a tiger? No, silly, we can't have Princess get hurt outside of a dream!

She just gets crushed by a giant paper mache meatball. Oh yeah, that's what the Blossom and Buttercup plot was building up to. At least the Italian Week Sculpture Contest was not completely forgotten. The episode ends with Bubbles monotonously saying to Princess that if she ever wants to play with Octi again...

Bubbles: (suddenly happy again) Just ask!

(touches Princess with Octi)

Boop!

Again, I was taken aback at first, but after her monotonous and threatening voice in the last few scenes, it's good to see Bubbles happy after she got Octi back. It's a better ending than most endings in this show. When this was a See It First episode, I had a feeling this would be a shoo-in for at least an intended season finale. That feeling turned out to be incorrect, unfortunately.

Does the title fit?

They definitely tried to parody the Godfather, though there's no actual father in this entire episode. Oct-Mother would be more accurate, but it would obscure the reference.

How does it stack up?

Funny running gags, and an actually good attempt at a psychological horror story by kid's show standards. I enjoyed this episode, and not in a "guilty pleasure" sort of way. That's pretty rare.

Next, Sideline Dad? Sitcom Dad? May be more alike than you think!

← Man Up 4: The Donnyest Game ☆ Sideline Dad →

[timona-lisa]

Do you have any cool headcanons for the good doctor?

why, yes

yes, i do:

~so it’s pretty much established that teeth is from new orleans and i imagine that he was orphaned at a young age and spent a lot of time between foster homes and the streets until a group home took him in. the head of the house was an older woman named juanita whom he regarded as a mother figure and she heavily influenced his love of music. juanita had been a trumpet player for a local jazz band and was still teaching lessons on the side.

~growing up, teeth was an avid bookworm with a penchant for world history and philosophy. by ten, he was reading at a college age level but rather than being praised for it, most teachers would chastise him for reading ahead and blurting out fun facts about whoever they were studying. some students would tease him for his big words/glasses/overbite but he made a dear friend in a girl named emilie, though she much preferred em.** she too came from a poor background and like teeth, she absolutely loved music and literature, particularly ghost stories, which she never seemed to run out of. she also introduced to him a lot of cajun and zydeco music.

~outside of the yearly piano recitals, teeth’s first stage performance was in a school production of ‘the wizard of oz.’ he played the titular wizard and was chewed out for doing an impromptu musical number and causing the balloon to knock over the whole set. meanwhile, em found herself in the role as (who else?) auntie em, leading the same bullies to call her that and mimic her lines in the hallway before teeth stepped in and told them to knock it off. for the rest of the year and throughout their entire school experience, they were each other’s fiercest protectors.

~teeth worked in a series of odd jobs throughout high-school and college, including waiter, driver, and tutor, the latter which he loved immensely and the students loved him as well. his energy, passion, and sense of humor made him highly recommended among the staff and he never talked down to the students the way other teachers had. all the while, he sought a double major in music and history whilst minoring in philosophy. he also began to catch the eye of some classmates, having lost the braces and high-waisted pants, and he became quite the charmer over time.

~after graduating at the top of his class, teeth pursued a career as a concert pianist and while he liked it well enough, he was more drawn to the craze and excitement of rock. thus, he shed the black tie and tails for something a little more colorful.

~whispers his first name is john but he hasn’t been called that in…like, decades

~teeth is multilingual and speaks spanish, french, creole, latin, and a little italian. he’s forever trying to expand his language skills and has a love of learning word origins, meanings, and how they’ve changed over time. in many ways, he’s still the big nerd he was as a youngster.

~teeth still keeps in touch with em and she wound up being a professional musician herself, playing backup with the muppets tonight band. (you might recognize her as the purple-haired, top hat-wearing violinist.)

~after zoot, teeth is the oldest member of the band but he’s very much the team dad of the group. he’s got a lot of heart and tries to keep the good vibes, view the glass half full, etc. he knows what it’s like to struggle and he’ll never allow his friends/family to go through that and always be there for them, no matter what.

**credit goes to @animatedc9000 for helping create em and her backstory

[keywestlou]

JANUARY 6 A PEARL HARBOR.....PERPETRATORS MUST BE PUNISHED AND ANNIHILATED

I have said it before, I say it again. January 6 was another Pearl Harbor. The insurgent opposition must be destroyed. Sounds strong. It is!

The insurgents would have done more if they could have on January 6. Imagine Pence hanging from the gallow. Pelosi killed.

Hundreds are being arrested. Whatever the number, it will be minuscule when compared to the number actually attacking the Capitol. Hundreds in no way equates to the 8,000 estimated to have participated in the attack.

Each insurgent group must be sought out. Their camps, offices destroyed. Their members arrested and tried. Total destruction of the enemy is required.

The insurgents are the “enemy.” January 6 has emboldened them. We must get them before they get us. It is like the Civil War as well as Pearl Harbor.

The enemy has fired the first shot. Retribution and destruction in order.

Not the time to sit and wait for the enemy’s next move. It is time to be active, not reactive.

Religion can be carried to extremes. Nonsensical ones.

Coronavirus has come in conflict with abortion.

The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has instructed U.S. bishops to advise Catholic health systems not to use the Johnson and Johnson vaccine. It has something to do with what has been described as a “remote” connection between abortion and the vaccine. Something to do with “cells.” Specifically what, I could not ascertain. When I can, I will let you know.

The health systems are in a quandary. What do they do with the John and Johnson vaccines already received? Should they listen to the Bishops Conference and follow its dictates re use of the vaccine?

To listen to the Bishops Conference places health systems and others at risk.

Some Bishops do not accept the dictates of the Bishops Conference. They believe being anti the Johnson and Johnson vaccine requires Bishops to take an anti-life position.

Both positions anti-life.

Anti-abortion has become a theoretical moral purity. Must it become a position that places the lives of Catholics, the lives of others, and the common good at risk?

The Bishops Conference promoting avoidance of the Johnson and Johnson vaccine is another example of why Catholic Churches have fewer and fewer active members. Note as my past writings indicate, the Bishops Conference and Pope Francis are not on the same page with many issues. Francis has taken no position with regard to the Johnson and Johnson vaccine.

U.S. citizens along the way have become more and more independent. Even the government cannot tell them what to do. They will make their own judgments. The face mask issue an example.

State legislatures are expressing what they perceive as their right to avoid obeying federal laws and orders.

Georgia and Albama with their pending legislation to change voting laws an example.

Some states are going even farther. The North Dakota and South Dakota legislatures are in the process of invalidating all of what they perceive are unconstitutional Biden orders. The two states are heavy Republican. The legislatures overwhelming Republican. As are their governors. The proposed law in each state will without question become law in each state.

The “orders” involved include: Executive orders relating to the use of land, regulations on agriculture, regulations on natural resources such as oil and coal, regulations on pandemics or other health emergencies, the Constitutional right to keep and bear arms.

States do have the right to reject unconstitutional laws coming from the federal government. Normally done through court proceedings. Not unilaterally without the courts being involved.

North and South Dakota want to go their owns way, however.

The Constitution’s Supremacy Clause enjoins each state to follow laws that are Constitutionally sound and only on issues that the Constitution granted purview to the federal government to determine.

Years of litigation will follow the new laws.

The problem again is no one wants to listen to “authority.” People and some states consider themselves “the authority.”

Over a half million Americans have died because of COVID-19, Russia, the Middle East and China re threatening problems. To mention just a few of the heavy matters confronting the U.S.

The Republican mouthpiece FOX News and some Congressional Republicans have recently been expressing their positions re what has become labeled as “Cancel Cultural Wars.” The title in itself confusing.

Involved are children’s shows and books like Dr. Seuss, The Muppet Show, M. Potato Head, and Sesame Street.

Why?

I suspect because the base of the Republican Party has dramatically changed. It is no longer the “establishment” party. Educated serious minded persons. Rather it has become the party of “blue collar” persons.

Issues are sought which new found Republican voters can understand and follow.

—

DAY 39…..Greece the First Time

Posted on July 5, 2012 by Key West  Lou

I got lost!

Only to me would it happen.

Comogli runs upwards from the Mediterranean. My apartment is directly on the ocean. Each block ascends in parallel fashion behind me.

The horizontal/parallel streets are ok. They run normal in a straight line. It is the vertical streets that are the problem. There are streets and alleys running up and down. The alleys, though narrow, are as much a thoroughfare as the streets. The vertical streets and alleys bend and twist all over the place.

I was at an internet shop several blocks up. Took a large number of steps and one long street to get to the internet store. When I left the internet store, I got confused, screwed up. I missed the first set of stairs. Tried several others. No good. Then tried the alleys. Even worse.

I knew I would eventually get out. I could see the Mediterranean below me. I just needed to find the correct opening to get down to it.

I finally did. It was a major accomplishment!

There is a palazzo a few steps from the internet store. Note, palazzo. I am starting to speak like a native Italian.

I sat on a bench. There was a nearby street fair. I wanted to watch the world go by.

I lit a cigarette. Bad, I know. So did some one else. There was an elderly man (like me) sitting on the next bench. Italian. He came over and started speaking to me in Italian. Though I could not understand him, I knew what he was talking about. The evils of smoking.

I let him finish. Then I let him know I did not understand Italian, only spoke English.

His face lit up. He started the tirade again. This time in English. He was proud to show off his ability to speak English.

He sat with me for a while. We talked of his experiences back in 1960 in the United States. He had been in Cuba on business. Flew to Philadelphia and then to California where he spent some time. He congratulated me on the Fourth of July. He knew our history intimately.

I was ashamed. I had forgotten it was July 4, Independence Day. Other than my new found friend, there was no other person or thing to remind me. Additionally, days and dates run into each other when you are bouncing around as I am. I rarely am sure of the day of the week let alone a date.

My friend’s wife came along. He introduced me and they were on their way.

There was a large statue in the palazzo. It was a memorial to Nato A. Camogli. I tried to look him up on the internet. He is there. All over the place. However, every article is in Italian so I never got his background.

I swam a bit in the Mediterranean and sun bathe in the afternoon. To swim, you have to pay. Just like the Jersey Shore and Cape Cod. The beaches were unique. No sand. Stones. Each about 3-4 inches in diameter. Hurt the feet. The water was not clear as it had been in Greece. Murky like Key West used to be.

Then a nap. The sun was hot and tiring. My apartment for some reason cool. No air conditioning. I think it is the three foot walls.

Clotheslines come into play again. I raised the issue with my new friend in the palazzo. He, too, said it was because sun dried is better. I think he is wrong, also. These people have never known the joy of an electric dryer so they cannot compare.

He also told me many of the buildings were built with special pipes to hold the clothesline between windows or buildings. He assured me my apartment had one.

When I returned to the apartment, I checked. Sure enough, there below the window ledge in the living room was a clothesline. It ran from one living room window to the other. There were pipes at each end firmly affixed to the walls. A roller on each.

I had my own clothesline and never knew it!

Dinner was at another sea side cafe. Another excellent meal!

I had a local dish. Whereas the polenta was bad from my perspective, the pasta special dish was not. Oh, so good!

It is called trofie. A small curly thin macaroni. It was served with a pesto sauce. If I ate no more, I had dined like a king!

Broiled fish was my entree. I was taken into the kitchen. There were several glass vats with fish swimming around in them. I picked my own fish for dinner. I could not help thinking I was also passing a death sentence on the fish selected.

The cooked fish was a winner!

I took a walk along the sea side after dinner. The area is like a huge boardwalk. Except that it is about 40 feet wide and constructed with brick and stone from a thousand years ago or better.

Speaking of bricks, there are many in arches under buildings and walk ways. Some one told me the bricks were from medieval times. He showed me how they were half the size of today’s brick. He was proud to explain how they had held up over the ages.

I desired ice cream. It is gelato here. You buy it at a galateria. I enjoyed a soft chocolate on a cone.

Gelato back home in Utica is different. It is hard. Great taste. Better than present day gelato.

I figured out years ago when I visited Rome why there was a difference between Utica’s gelato and that of Italy. It is the time factor. My people came to the new world between 1880 and 1920. They brought with them the cooking and food of that time in Italy. Gelato was hard back then.

Time changes everything. From the hard delicacy of yesteryear to the softer one of today. Both good. Again however, I prefer the older.

Never made Portofino yesterday. I get comfortable and say another day. I am running out of days. This afternoon Portofino is on my schedule. A car is not the way to get there. No parking. I have been told to take the train. For one stop only. Then a boat for a short ride to Portofino. Not easy. But I will get there.

Enjoy your day!

JANUARY 6 A PEARL HARBOR…..PERPETRATORS MUST BE PUNISHED AND ANNIHILATED was originally published on Key West Lou

[crowdvscritic]

crowd vs. critic // BEST OF THE DECADE (2010s)

Well, people, I tried. I really tried to whittle down the decade to 100 movies or fewer just like a good little Best of Decade list does, but here we are. That is, here we are at 144.

Maybe it’s because movies have meant so much to me this decade. When I graduated from high school in 2010, I loved John Hughes and Audrey Hepburn, but since then, film has cemented itself as my favorite art form. A few highlights in this journey:

Taking film classes at Taylor University, including a trip to the Sundance Film Festival in 2013

Writing for ZekeFilm starting in 2016

Writing about every new movie I watched in 2016

Watching classic movies while podcasting about Gilmore Girls pop culture references

Discovering my love for Turner Classic Movies, including taking their online summer course “Mad About Musicals”

Watching every movie nominated for Best Picture in 2014, 2016, 2018, and 2019

Beginning a slow (very slow) but sure trek through every Best Picture winner in history

And, oh yeah— starting this little blog!

I left Snow White and The Huntsman wishing someone would review it considering how fun it was even though it wasn’t a great art. Then I thought, what if that person was me? I hope my writing and critical analysis has grown since then, but I still ask the same questions about every movie I’ve watched since then: What is the popcorn potential? What is the artistic taste?

This decade I also spent July Friday nights watching outdoor movies on Art Hill, hosted annual Oscars watch parties with dear friends, attended my first midnight premiere (The Hunger Games), paid extra for the reclining seats to celebrate my first job (Interstellar), and found a laugh break with my whole family during a stressful summer (Ant-Man and the Wasp).

So here’s a small tribute to the time I spent watching, discussing, and reading and writing about movies I watched these 10 years: 72 Crowd picks and 72 Critic picks. They’re the 144 films that moved me, made me laugh, or made the biggest impact on me, and they’re the ones I recommend most from the 2010s.

Crowd-Pleasers of the 2010s

1. 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016) – An acting tour de force you’ll still be thinking about days later. (#JohnGoodmanForBestSupportingActor) Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

2. The Age of Adaline (2015) - The color palette and costumes are dreamy, and the romance taking a back seat to Adaline’s personal growth is refreshing. On my Best of 2015.

3. Austenland (2013) – “This movie is for two kinds of people: people who love Jane Austen and people who think Jane Austen fans are funny.” – A paraphrased director Jerusha Hess. On my Sundance 2013 lineup. On my Best of 2013.

4. Ant-Man (2015) – All hail, Paul Rudd and his ability to make us care about ants. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2015.

5. Avengers: Endgame (2019) - An impossibly satisfying conclusion that seemed impossible when Iron Man came out in 2008. A peak in the superhero subgenre as well as ensemble films, action flicks, sci-fi adventures, and time travel comedies. On my Best of 2019.

6. Baby Driver (2017) – If you forced me to pick my favorite on this entire list, here you go. A modern musical that lights up every spark in my brain. On my Best of 2017.

7. Beauty and the Beast (2017) – My favorite of the Disney live action remakes. On my Best of 2017.

8. Before We Go (2014) – I’m a sucker for Boy-Meets-Girl-and-They-Talk-All-Night stories, and this one’s an aesthetic dream. Excellent pick if your flight is cancelled and you’re stuck in an airport for nine hours.

9. The Big Sick (2017) – You’ll fall in love with the treasure Kumail Nanjiani. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2017.

10. Black Panther (2018) – WAKANDA FOREVER. On my Best of 2018.

11. Central Intelligence (2016) – No complaints from me when the Rock and Kevin Hart team up. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

12. Colossal (2016) – The best quasi-superhero movie no one talked about this decade. On my Best of 2017.

13. Crazy Rich Asians (2018) – Three cheers for Awkwafina! On my Best of 2018.

14. Creed (2015)

15. The Dark Knight Rises (2012) – Controversial Movie Corner: My favorite of The Dark Knight trilogy.

16. Finding Dory (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

17. Frozen II (2019) – Controversial Movie Corner: Better than the original.

18. Fury (2014)

19. Game Night (2018) - Come for the sharp jokes, stay for the clever heist plotting and a hilarious ensemble. On my Best of 2018.

20. Ghostbusters (2016) – I had the option to rewatch this or the 1984 version for Halloween this year, and I chose to laugh through this one. FYI, the extra 15 minutes in the extended version make a difference. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

21. Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) – Another modern musical. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

22. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

23. Home Again (2017) – Made of pure charm. Read ZekeFilm review.

24. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013) The best of the best dystopian YA adaptation series this decade. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2013.

25. I Feel Pretty (2018)

26. Inception (2010)

27. The Intern (2015) – Insanely rewatchable. On my Best of 2015.

28. Interstellar (2014)

29. Juliet, Naked (2018) – On my Best of 2018.

30. Jurassic World (2015) – Doesn’t hold up to scrutiny on second watch, but a big spectacle on a big screen. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2015.

31. The Kings of Summer (2013) – My favorite from Sundance 2013. On my Best of 2013.

32. Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014) – A course-correction of tired spy movie clichés. On my Best of 2015.

33. Knives Out (2019) – On my Best of 2019.

34. Kong: Skull Island (2017) – Very rewatchable. Very relistenable soundtrack.

35. Late Night (2019)

36. The Lego Movie (2014) – I didn’t choose this movie, but I laughed so hard I forgave my friends for dragging me to it.

37. Letters to Juliet (2010) – Very corny. Very rewatchable for its Italian countryside setting.

38. Logan Lucky (2017) – Channing Tatum, Adam Driver, and Daniel Craig at their funniest. On my Best of 2017.

39. The Magnificent Seven (2016) – Sometimes you just want to see a bunch of movie stars tearing it up. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

40. Mary Poppins Returns (2018) – One of the most successful movies on this list because it knows exactly what it wants to be and then is that. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2018.

41. The Maze Runner (2014) – Let’s just forget those sequels ever happened.

42. Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation (2015) – Fallout got the most attention, but I prefer the squad in this sequel. Bonus points for Jeremy Renner. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2015.

43. Moana (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

44. Monte Carlo (2011) – Wanderlust satisfied because it takes inspiration from Golden Hollywood fairy tales like Roman Holiday.

45. Morning Glory (2010)

46. The Muppets (2011) – Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.

47. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (2016) – Even bigger, fatter, and Greeker than the original. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

48. Ocean’s Eight (2018) – The real heist? Eight funny ladies taking turns stealing every scene. On my Best of 2018.

49. Passengers (2016) - A near-perfect popcorn flick. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2016.

50. Paper Towns (2015) – Love me some Nat Wolff with an indie pop soundtrack.

51. Prometheus (2012) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

52. A Quiet Place (2018) – Where the best of commercial and critical filmmaking come together. On my Best of 2018.

53. Ready or Not (2019)

54. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013) – Another entry in the Wanderlust Canon.

55. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012) – Imperfect, but sticks the landing.

56. Shazam! (2019) – Read ZekeFilm review.

57. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011) – Charismatic movie stars + flashy cinematography = A great time at the theatre (even when the projector fails in the middle of your screening and you have to start over).

58. The Spectacular Now (2013)

59. Spider-man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

60. Spy (2015) – I still can’t believe how much I laughed at this.

61. Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017) – The best Star War since 1980. On my Best of 2017.

62. Super 8 (2011)

63. Tangled (2010) – Controversial Movie Corner: Better than both Frozens.

64. Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

65. Toy Story 3 (2010)

66. Warm Bodies (2013) – Who knew a zom rom com would become one of my go-to comfort foods? Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2013.

67. Wonder Woman (2017) – Anyone else almost cry in that No Man’s Land scene? On my Best of 2017.

68. World War Z (2013) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2013.

69. X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) – Why I’d pick the X-Men over the Avengers most days. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

70. Yesterday (2019) – You know a movie captures its audience when most stay through the credits to sing “Hey Jude.” On my Best of 2019.

71. Zombieland: Double Tap (2019) – Hello, my name is Taylor, and I declare Woody Harrelson a national treasure. Read ZekeFilm review.

72. Zootopia (2016) – Creatively and socially sharp. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

Critic Picks of the 2010s

1. 12 Years a Slave (2013) – There’s no beauty or redemption in this chapter of America’s story, but the beauty of this is it restores humanity to millions denied it in their lifetimes. Read ZekeFilm review.

2. 20 Feet From Stardom (2013) – On my Sundance 2013 lineup. On my Best of 2013.

3. 1917 (2019) – Who needs suplots? Or more than one camera? On my Best of 2019.

4. Ad Astra (2019) – Prayerful poetry + one of Brad Pitt’s best performances. On my Best of 2019.

5. American Sniper (2014)

6. Argo (2012) – CIA work: It’s just like makin’ a movie! Read ZekeFilm review.

7. Arrival (2016) - The best Hollywood has to offer. I left wishing I felt this way after every film. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

8. The Artist (2011)

9. A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019) – On my Best of 2019.

10. Begin Again (2013) – Adam Levine singing in Begin Again > Adam Levine singing in Maroon 5. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

11. The Beguiled (2017) – Sofia Coppola = Queen. On my Best of 2017.

12. Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014)

13. Blade Runner 2049 (2017) – Don’t @ me—I like this better than the original. On my Best of 2017.

14. BlacKkKlansman (2018) – Just when you think this undercover investigation can’t get riskier, Spike Lee finds another way to send your blood pressure rising. On my Best of 2018.

15. The Bling Ring (2013) – Sofia Coppola = Still Queen.

16. Boyhood (2014)

17. Brooklyn (2015) – I think that Saorsie Ronan is goin’ places. On my Best of 2015.

18. Circles (2013) – Love me some symbolism. On my Sundance 2013 lineup. On my Best of 2013.

19. Dunkirk (2017) – The freshest take on World War II since Schindler’s List. On my Best of 2017.

20. Fences (2016) – Denzel Washington and Viola Davis bring issues of race, class, gender, marriage, and intelligence to life in a story as relevant today as in the 1950s. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2016.

21. First Man (2018) – On my Best of 2018.

22. Florence Foster Jenkins (2016) – More proof Hugh Grant is just the best. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

23. First Reformed (2017) – I‘ve never heard a character pray in words so close to mine. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2018.

24. The Florida Project (2017) - For what this lacked in narrative momentum, it made up for in empathy. On my Best of 2017.

25. Get Out (2017) – I’m not one for horror, and I’m not one to watch the same film twice in one week, but this broke both of those rules. On my Best of 2017.

26. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

27. Gravity (2013) – Maybe my favorite Sandra Bullock performance. On my Best of 2013.

28. Green Book (2018) – Read ZekeFilm review.

29. Hacksaw Ridge (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic review.

30. The Help (2011) – Prescient of the decade ahead for its soon-to-be-superstar cast and a story reminding white people they should probably just shut up and listen instead of thinking they have all the answers.

31. Hell or High Water (2016) – A modern Cain and Abel story. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

32. Hidden Figures (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

33. I, Tonya (2017)

34. If Beale Street Could Talk (2018) – Controversial Movie Corner: My preferred Barry Jenkins of the decade. On my Best of 2018.

35. Inside Out (2015) – “There’s inductive reasoning, there’s déjà vu, there’s language processing, there’s déjà vu, there’s critical thinking, there’s déjà vu…” On my Best of 2015.

36. Jackie (2016) – Changed my perspective on Natalie Portman. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2016.

37. Jojo Rabbit (2019) – Shows not just how ugly hate is but how winsome it can appear. On my Best of 2019.

38. Joy (2015) – An important film at a hard time in my life. On my Best of 2015.

39. The King’s Speech (2010)

40. La La Land (2016) – Already one of the Great Musicals. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

41. The Last Black Man in San Francisco (2019) – Like a novel on screen. On my Best of 2019.

42. Les Misérables (2012)

43. Lincoln (2012)

44. The Light Between Oceans (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2016.

45. Lion (2016) – Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

46. Little Women (2019) – I don’t sob in every film, but one of the most realistic onscreen depictions of sisterhood will make me do it.  On my Best of 2019.

47. Love & Friendship (2016) - Captures Jane Austen’s sardonic tone and her eye for silliness in social etiquette. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews. On my Best of 2016.

48. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) – Bananas, but the best kind of bananas. On my Best of 2015.

49. Marriage Story (2019) – A divorce story I want every engaged couple to watch. An Adam Driver/Scarlett Johansson acting show I want every film lover to watch. On my Best of 2019.

50. The Martian (2015) – Of all the fantastic space stories this decade, this is the most feel-good. On my Best of 2015 list.

51. Midnight in Paris (2011) – Another entry into the Wanderlust Canon.

52. Midnight Traveler (2019) – A documentary that feels more like flipping through a family photo album than reading a newspaper. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2019.

53. Molly’s Game (2017) – Sorkin Part 1!

54. Moneyball (2011) – Sorkin Part 2!

55. mother! (2017) - Exactly zero people on Earth can explain what this story means, but I think we can all agree we don’t deserve Jennifer Lawrence. On my Best of 2017.

56. Mudbound (2017) – A Greek tragedy set in the Deep South. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2017.

57. Parasite (2019) – A Southern Gothic set in South Korea. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2019.

58. Philomena (2013)

59. The Post (2017) – Hanks. Spielberg. Streep. Need I say more? On my Best of 2017.

60. The Report (2019) - Solely included here for the performance from Adam Driver, who elevated this so much he became one of my favorite working actors by the credits. Read ZekeFilm review. On my Best of 2019.

61. Selma (2014)

62. Silver Linings Playbook (2012) – I’m ready for more J. Law and B. Coop team ups in the 2020s. Read Crowd vs. Critic reviews.

63. Sing Street (2016) – Listen to “The Riddle of the Model” and you can thank me later. Read Crowd vs. Critic review. On my Best of 2016.

64. The Social Network (2010) – Sorkin Part 3!

65. Spotlight (2015)

66. A Star Is Born (2018) – Sometimes a film is everything you hope it will be. On my Best of 2018.

67. The Theory of Everything (2014)

68. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017) – A needed dialogue with unexpected opportunities for redemption. On my Best of 2017.

69. Three Identical Strangers (2018) - Sucks you in with its stranger-than-fiction premise but keeps you because of its better-than-fiction characters. On my Best of 2018.

70. The Tree of Life (2011)

71. The Two Popes (2019) – On my Best of 2019.

72. Wind River (2017) – The story lead the way instead of its politics, which makes both more compelling. More of Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olsen in everything, please. On my Best of 2017.

Photo credits: All photos from IMDb.com.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior December 20, 2019 – STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER, CATS, BOMSHELL, INVISIBLE LIFE

I’m doing a lot of writing about J.J. Abrams’ STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (Lucasfilm/Disney) and Tom Hooper’s CATS (Universal) over at The Beat, so I don’t have too much more to add here. I have only seen the latter, and I’m under embargo, so can’t say much more about it anyway.

I mentioned last week that Jay Roach’s BOMBSHELL (Lionsgate), starring Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Margot Robbie -- all SAG Award nominees!! -- was going to expand nationwide this weekend, and I’m still hoping to review it sometime this week, but haven’t had a chance to write it just yet. Sorry!

LIMITED RELEASES

Not a lot of limited releases this weekend, thank God, but I do want to draw attention to the Brazilian Oscar entry INVISIBLE LIFE (Amazon), which will get a limited release this weekend.  Directed by Karim Aïnouz (Madame Satã), it’s the story of two sisters from Rio who are separated in 1950 as the elder one, Guida, travels to Europe to marry a sailor and is estranged by her parents when she returns alone and pregnant. The younger sister Euridice is forced into a loveless marriage, and the two of them end up living their lives unaware that the other is still living in Rio. The movie takes a little time to get going, but once it does, it’s quite an emotional experience, especially the last act where Oscar nominee Fernanda Montenegro takes over one of the roles. Invisible Life won the Un Certain Regard at Cannes earlier this year, but sadly, it did not make the shortlist in the Oscar’s International Film category, which is a shame. It will open at the Film Forum in New York Friday, as well as the Laemmle Royal in L.A.

It’s actually the only film I’ve seen this week, although the Bollywood action-comedy Dabangg 3 (Yash Raj Films) brings Salman Khan’s badass cop Chulbul Pandy back for his third movie, which should do decently over the holidays.

Xiaogang Feng’s Chinese drama Only Cloud Knows (China Lion) will also open in select cities this Friday about a Chinese man (Xuan Huang) who returns home to New Zealand after the death of his wife and learns that she has all sorts of secrets.s

Irish filmmaker Alexandra (Lotus Eaters) McGuinness’ indie drama-thriller She’s Missing (Vertical Entertainment), starring Lucy Fry and Eiza Gonzalez, playing Heidi and Jane, best friends living in a small desert town, and what happens when one of them goes missing.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Another movie I hoped to review, and I just didn’t get a chance to is this the amazing drama THE TWO POPES, starring Jonathan Pryce and Anthony Hopkins, which will hit the streaming service this Friday. It’s a wonderful film directed by Fernarno Meirelles (City of God) about the relationship between

This Friday, Netflix will also begin streaming the fantasy series THE WITCHER, based on the popular video games and starring Henry Cavil. I really don’t know much about the series, but it looks like the kind of big-scale fantasy I love.

Although the seventh episode of Disney’s series The Mandalorian will air on Weds. this week, as to not conflict with Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker’s opening. Friday will see the debut of the new Disney+ movie Togo, starring Willem Dafoe and a Siberisan husky named Togo. Don’t know much about it, but Dafoe has been great in recent years, so I’m sure it’s worth watching.

REPERTORY

You’ll notice a lot of the same movies playing in the repertory theaters in New York and L.A. this weekend, maybe because Christmas is next week?

FILM AT LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

The big retrospective in New York this week is FilmLinc’s comprehensive “Varda: A Retrospective,” which will run from Friday through through January 6, and it is indeed comprehensive, showing all of her films, including four shorts programs and some television work. It ties into the late French filmmaker’s excellent last film, Varda by Agnès, which has been playing there for the past couple weeks. (It’s an exceptional introspective film class that I highly recommend.) If you want a taste of Varda’s work but can’t figure out what to sees then maybe you can check out the free five-part mini-series Agnés Varda: Here to There, each episode screening on the afternoons starting Friday and running through December 24. (Even though it’s free, you still need to go to the FilmLinc site and register for tickets.) The series will include a wide range of films from her part in the early French New Wave to her more recent documentary work, and it’s a slew of riches for those who’ve already seen Varda by Agnès and want to see some of the films discussed.

On Thursday night, FilmLinc will have a special 20th anniversary screening of Steven Soderbergh’s The Limey with Soderbergh in attendance along with cinematographer Ed Lachman and some of his cast.

METROGRAPH (NYC):

“Holidays at Metrograph” continues this week with screenings of Jacques Demy’s The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964), Mitchel Leissen’s Remember the Night  (1940), The Thin Man (1934) and of course, Todd Haynes’ 2015 film Carol, Paul Thomas Anderson’s 2017 movie Phantom Thread, and Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut (1999), Metro’s holiday standbys. Welcome To Metrograph: Redux will screen Lizzie Borden’s Born in Flames  (1983) and Haile Gerima’s Bush Mama (1979) while this week’s Late Nites at Metrographis Eric Rohmer’s Claire’s Knee (1970). This weekend’s Playtime: Family Matineesis the classic It’s a Wonderful Life, in case you haven’t seen one of the 200 showings at IFC Center.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Wednesday’s “Afternoon Classic” is The Bishop’s Wife (1947), starring Cary Grant, while Friday’s “Freaky Friday” matinee is John Carpenter’sThe Thing  (1982). Wednesday night’s double feature of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and Scrooged is sold out (of course) but Thursday night, you can see It’s a Wonderful Life (of course) with Brad Pitt’s Meet John Doe. Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogsis the Friday midnight offering while the horror film Christmas Evil screens Saturday at midnight, while the weekend’s Kiddee Matinee is The Muppet Christmas Carol, which shows that even Tarantino can get in the Xmas spirit. Monday’s “Afternoon Classics” matinee is expecting that kiddee’s will be out of school, as it’s screening Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, while Tuesday night aka Christmas Eve is a double feature of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas (1954) and Holiday Affair (1949), starring Robert Mitchum. Also on Tuesday are two sold out screenings of the Xmas classic Die Hard (of course), the night screening a double feature with Silent Partner (1978).

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

The Egyptian’s “Holiday Spirit 2019” series begins with a double feature of Terry Gilliam’s Brazil and Things to Comeon Thursday, then they will screen It’s A Wonderful Lifeon Friday night. (Why not? Every other rep theater is playing it.) Saturday is Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut (ditto) and then Saturday’s “Christmas Noir” is 1950’s Backfire on 16mm! Sunday evening is a double feature of the Oscar-winning The Apartment, starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine, paired with the 2015 film Tangerine. No, I don’t get it, either.

AERO  (LA):

A lot of the same movies are playing here this week including Die Hard(as part of “Greg Proops Film Clumb 2019” on Weds, a double feature of The Thin Man (1934) and Mr. Soft Touch (1949), as part of the “Christmas Noir” series. “Holiday Spirit 2019” continues on Saturday with a double feature of White Christmas and The Holly and the Ivy (1952). Saturday’s midnight movie is The Exorcist III (1990), then Sunday is a screening of Will Ferrell’s 2003 movie Elf, and then Monday might, what else? It’s a Wonderful Life.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

On Friday, the Quad is beginning a new series called “A Face in the Crowd: Remembering Lee Remick” including a 40thanniversary restoration of James Ivory’s The Europeanswith Ivory appearing on Friday. The series will also include 1957’s A Face in the Crowd, 1959’s Anatomy of Murder, as well as one of my favorite movies of all time, 1976’s The Omen, and more.Wednesday night’s One-Shots offering is Jean Cocteau’s 1950 film Orpheus.

MOMA  (NYC):

Modern Matinees: Iris Barry’s History of Film continues this week with the 1930 film All Quiet on the Western Front Wednesday, 1921’s The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on Thursday, and the classic Battleship Potemkin (1921) on Friday. Monday is a double feature of Dream of a Rarebit Fiend from 1906 and Buster Keaton’s The Navigator  (1924). Fred Newmeyer’s The Freshman  (1925) screens on Tuesday.  The Wonders continues through the weekend with its look at the films of Italian sisters Alice and Alba Rohrwacher, including Luca Guadagigno’s I Am Love (2009) on Wednesday evening and other more recent films including Alice Rohrwacher’s 2014 eponymous film The Wonders on Monday night.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

While all the other rep theaters in New York and L.A. have been jumping on the It’s a Wonderful Life bandwagon, the IFC Center has been playing it consistently for weeks with Donna Reed’s daughter Mary Owen introducing many of the screenings. That continues through Christmas Day. Next year, you’ll be able to watch all of the Studio Ghibli movies on HBO Max, but if you can’t wait that long, the IFC Center is celebrating the holidays with “The Films of Studio Ghibli” from Friday through January 16. It’s a pretty comprehensive series including many films not directed by Miyazaki, but there’s a lot of great stuff, and you can click on the link above to see when various movies are playing or check out the full calendar here. (There are a few 35mm prints in there, labelled accordingly.)

Weekend Classics: May All Your Christmases be Noir is … also Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut. Seriously, if you live in New York and still haven’t seen this movie, then I don’t know what your damage is.  Waverly Midnights: Spy Games will screen Matt Damon’s The Bourne Identity (2002) and Late Night Favorites: Autumn 2019 is Kubrick’s The Shining (1980), which you also should have seen by now.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

The Film Forum will begin screening its own holiday offering, the 1962 thriller Cape Fear, starring Robert Mitchum and Gregory Peck, through Christmas Eve. The weekend’s “Film Forum Jr.” is a sing-along version of 1954’s White Christmas.  Lee Grant will also be at the Film Forum Thursday night to screen her 1981 documetnary debut The Willmar 8.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

The Nicholas Cage-a-thon continues Thursday with 1996’s The Rock, directed by a very young Michael Bay, as well as Leaving Las Vegas, for which Cage won an Oscar. On Saturday, you can get in the Xmas spirit with Bill Murray’s Scrooged  (1988) and Home Alone (1990).

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

This Friday’s midnight offering is Tim Burton’s Beetlejuice (1988).

Next week is Christmas, and there are two new movies in the animated Spies in Disguise (20thCentury Fox) and Greta Gerwig’s Little Women.

[therealshallowdave-blog]

Why I joined the IET

First, some background:

I use Tumblr because I used to live in China, and it was a great way for information to be shared over there. Much less of a government threat than the likes of Weibo, which is essentially, the Chinese version of Twitter.

Next, there should be no surprises as to my real identity here. However, here I am free to post my experiences and views, free from accusations of being ‘unprofessional’ or exhibiting ‘old-fashioned negative thinking’. And, strangely I did not receive any letter asking me to cease posting my views on Social Media, nor did I receive a call from someone at the Mothership.

Perhaps the most fundamental of all chemical engineering principles is that of the Mass Balance, which is: essentially, for a stable process, inputs equal outputs. Sadly, through time, my IChemE experience became grossly imbalanced, putting far more in than I ever received out. And, all for two sets of letters.

Next, I do not hold a Chemical Engineering degree, Industrial Chemistry instead, and my sole motivation to become Chartered was the threat posed by the Scottish regulators; namely the HSE and SEPA. In their eyes, despite dozens of ICI and legacy-company training courses and events, nowhere in all the paperwork was competency ever proven. So, to retain my existing role at the time, I was strongly encouraged to become Chartered.  

By the time I became Chartered, 2004, I had relocated to Switzerland where the letters CEng MIChemE meant very little. Nevertheless, I had satisfied all the requirements, and, at the time(*), the company paid my fees. So, letters duly placed on business cards, and a win-win for all concerned.

(*) Now not the case, except for specific roles.

I returned to the UK in 2006, and in rejoining an ICI-legacy company, the benefit being Chartered was somewhat borderline. However, at this stage, I did ‘believe’ in the organisation and I soon mentored individuals as a means of ‘giving something back’.

By the time I took my first UK contract role, 2010, being Chartered probably made a difference, in either selection, or hourly rate, or both. Probably.

From 2010 to 2015 I performed three distinct roles in China; in Shanghai, Kunshan; Jiangsu, and Rudong; Jiangsu. Sometime during my second position, the IChemE opened a Chinese office, in downtown Shanghai, Xuhui, and just 100 metres from my branch of the ICBC bank.

I was quickly asked to mentor a male engineer in Wuhan, who later was to become the first Chartered Industrialist in the country. Other than the foreigners, of course. Soon, a Beijing lady followed, whom was in terms of her experience straight to Fellow material. Then, an Anglo-Italian engineer, again in Beijing, who, I believe has yet to submit his application due to time pressures.

I regularly visited the Shanghai office, as it provided respite from getting hammered at agrochemical supplier banquets, held at the twice-yearly exhibitions at the nearby Everbright Center, two metro stops away on Line 1. During these visits I learned an awful lot about the IChemE, which, I may report on in more detail in future. Primarily, the Mothership provided no support to the China operation, and took no effort to understand the culture and the issues. In particular, no one from the Mothership bothered to visit to see from themselves, except, that one senior ‘suit’ claimed to be overseeing things from 2010 to 2013, according to his Linkedin profile. He was certainly never mentioned nor seen in all my time there. 

In my last Chinese role, perhaps my BASF e-mail address prompted an invitation for myself to apply for Fellow. Of course, I was nowhere Fellow material, so I politely told Rugby to fuck off.

I cannot state for sure when the China experiment ended and the Shanghai office closed, however, there was no round-robin e-mail to all Chinese members informing this decision. This was on direct orders from Rugby. Given that TCE had recently published a most patronising spiel on ‘Effective Communication Skills For Engineers’, one was most displeased. Then CEO, David Brown, via e-mails, readily agreed, and also that the standard of writing in TCE of the Bhopal 30th Anniversary was ‘totally pish.’ [To use a little paraphrasing]. Search for said article on the TCE archives and you won’t find it. Precisely because it was so bad. Also around this time, an Australian academic shared his anti-Chinese racist views in an article. I have yet to receive his reply.

I returned to the UK in 2015, in a role, where being Chartered was required. However, in 2016, fees had increased by 8% where RPI inflation was below 1%. This is when comments regarding value for money started to appear on Linkedin, accompanied by sycophantic justification by Brown. 

Into 2017, and we have the Sean Moran situation. I have supported Sean, though perhaps as not as much as I would have liked. However, in the summer, I did discuss the possibility of transferring over to the IET, so holding letters CEng MIET vice CEng MIChemE. After paying a fee,and submitting a CV and sponsor, I transferred over seamlessly. Ongoing IET fees at CEng level will be 60% versus IChemE. IET voting members are over 50% versus under 30% for IChemE. Value for money and democracy indeed.

I think the Sean Moran situation has illustrated the IChemE suits for what they are: old school, head in the sand, sorry head in the trough, muppets, whose only motivation is to serve themselves.

Especially the Former Failed Politician. To quote from Haskin’s wife Doreen, in Sweeney episode Golden Fleece: “Sanctimonious? You’d have thought they’d [he’d] invented the word”. And he writes ‘Social Media isn’t the real world’ Try telling this to Donald J Trump. It is 2017, after all.

As a consequence of all this, I truly hope that 2018 subscriptions are significantly down, and that as many of you possible reading this can follow my example in transferring over to another, cheaper, professional institution. This can also be shared widely as there is nothing I wouldn’t repeat under oath. Except, of course, I didn’t really tell Rugby to fuck off; that’s an obvious figure of speech.... 

[amystoryteller]

Lethal Weapon is now a television show. Did you know? So is Training Day. Star Trek has three new movies. There’s even a new MacGuyver (Sacrilege!), and with the upcoming relaunch of 24, I’m personally ready to throw in the towel (no, I don’t think it’s a reboot, but 24 can’t be 24 without Jack Bauer). The list of reboots and retellings keeps getting longer and longer, and personally my interest is declining in direct relation.

That’s not to say that all reboots are overdone. Some stories lend themselves to continuous reinvention, but even so, that doesn’t negate the importance of character and story.

A good example? Sherlock.

Back in 2010, when Stephen Moffat and Mark Gatiss introduced the world to their little hobby project, I’m not sure anyone expected it to take the world by storm. I certainly know that nobody expected we’d be here seven years later with the two lead actors (Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman) as household names in the United States.

Watson and Holmes (Freeman and Cumberbatch) in series one of Sherlock … Weren’t they cute?

I can certainly tell you that as a fan, I’d hoped we’d have more than 13 episodes total. But that’s neither here nor there.

Stephen Moffat and Mark Gatiss. If I can ever be half the storyteller they are, I’ll count myself blessed.

What’s remarkable about Sherlock is that even though it’s a modern re-imagining, it has remained true to the original source material in character and story. Even though Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson were born in the Victorian Era, Moffat and Gatiss’s recreation of them and their historic friendship looks and feels exactly the same, even though it’s set in modern day London.

But that brings up the core question of reboots: Where is the line between retelling a classic and inventing something new altogether?

So many of the movies and shows from the 80s have been rebooted, and most of them fell flat. The Muppets have tried to reboot multiple times, and they’ve always fallen through.

What about successful reboots? The Fugitive. True Grit. James Bond. Flight of the Phoenix. The Mask of Zorro. You’ve Got Mail. Sabrina. The Italian Job. Why did those work?

I’m sure the reasons are complex, and I can’t claim to be an authority on this sort of thing. But for me, one issue stands above the rest: Character.

Character is king, after all. You can have the most incredibly plotted story on the planet, but if your characters are boring or unlikeable, nobody will want to spend time getting to know them.

For all the successful reboots, writers and directors and actors collaborated to create a movie or TV show that respected and acknowledged the original characters and the original story, yet somehow they managed to do it in a way that connected with a modern audience.

Would Star Trek have worked if Captain Kirk was the logical, rational one and Spock was the impulsive, overly emotional womanizer?

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Spock & Kirk (Nimoy & Shatner) in Star Trek: The Original Series

Spock & Kirk (Quinto & Pine) in Star Trek, the Reboot

For the shows that didn’t make it, they did the opposite. They changed the characters too much. Or they altered the storyline too much. Or they took what made a character or story iconic and eliminated it.

He’s wearing the death frisbee……

Going back to the earlier example of BBC’s Sherlock, Holmes and Watson were never represented as a romantic couple. Best friends. Partners. Brothers. But Sir Arthur Conan Doyle didn’t write them as some kind of lovers. If Moffat and Gatiss had chosen to go that direction with the characters, I’m not sure it would have done as well.

Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu from Elementary

Another example along those same lines is Elementary, another Sherlock retelling that keeps Sherlock as a surly Englishman but recreates Watson as an Asian American woman. Elementary has been successful as well because it keeps the relationship between the two of them similar to what was in the source material. Not romantic.

Take that into consideration with the fandom uproar with the new Sherlock season four. Some segments of the Sherlock fandom demanded that Sherlock and Watson’s alleged sub-textual romance become canon.

Without weighing in on whether or not such a thing even exists, I salute Moffat and Gatiss for remaining true to the original story and the original characters. That’s not how Doyle created them. So why on earth would you change that? When you take an original character and turn it into something that its author never intended, it’s no longer that character. It’s something else.

Promo Image of Sherlock Series 4 (Back Row: Rupert Graves as Lestrade, Amanda Abbingdon as Mary Watson, Una Stubbs as Mrs. Hudson, Mark Gatiss as Mycroft Holmes, Louise Brealey as Dr. Molly Hopper; Front Row: Martin Freeman as Dr. John Watson and Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes)

And while artists have that creative freedom (and it’s wonderful!), you can’t call it the same character or story or show. It’s a different character. You can’t even call it a reboot.

I think that’s my issue with the latest TV show reboots. Lethal Weapon, Training Day, MacGuyver—they aren’t as much like the original characters. Sure there are similarities, but I think they’d do better if they just used an original name instead of trying to shoehorn existing characters into the storylines.

Richard Dean Anderson and Lucas Till …. Really? Is there even a comparison here?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a huge proponent of fanfiction. That’s what I started writing. I wrote fanfiction before fanfiction was a thing—frankly, before the internet was a thing. I wove intricate crossovers of My Little Pony and Star Trek and GI Joe and Transformers. Even now, I have an epic fanfiction account. But I’m always very careful to write the characters as the original author intended.

Sure, AU (alternate universe) is a thing, and it can be fun, as long as the characters are the same. If they aren’t, what’s the point?

By all means, artists, create. Stretch those creative muscles and write, draw, paint, sing, compose, dance, do whatever it is you do. And make use of existing art to inspire you. But please respect the work you’re using, and don’t turn it into something its creator never intended to be.

When do reboots cross the line? Lethal Weapon is now a television show. Did you know? So is Training Day. Star Trek has three new movies.