#why do I have to be up tomorrow. augh

[defiledtomb]

I've played the demo a lot just as an annoying Id simulator but when I do change things up and MC heads back alone I'm always reminded by how much I love how you describe the scenery. The way everything feels so alive is just so enjoyable to read, even when it's unsettling. In any case, hope you're doing okay and thank you for your time and work.

I just want you to know that you put 10 million butterflies in my stomach, writhing and fluttering in the best way possible. (I love you).

I have been feeling so strange with this story, something that sets it apart from the other stories I have written in the past; not only is it a public thing (which has spelled disaster for me in the past) but it's. God damn. It's so personal - when I write verbose descriptions of the world the MC calls home, it's home to me too. It's whatever is found beneath the watery pathways of my brain, it's the dense forest of my escape. Every leaf has been touched by my curious fingertips. I constantly live it, like I'm recording a codex inversus of my own, and it's gratifying beyond belief to get to share that with people that care, like you. Every time I see you telling me kind words; to take my time, to care for the characters that will dote on your mc's (and how lively my inner loneliness feels now, with all of them here. Never stop telling me about them, please.). It just puts a smile on my face that doesn't quite wash away.

I know I'm terrible with keeping up with social media and everything, but I keep you and your messages in my mind constantly, alongside me when I jot things down quick, in 8 hour never ending sessions, when I'm staring at the ceiling and there's nothing but the constant noise of the ac unit. So really, thank you :) I can't wait to share the next part, as soon as I untangle it from the sponge cradled in my skull. It's hard work, but I'll do it, and it's really thanks to you.

[daughterofsarenrae]

Agony

[twig---verginix]

god if no one else got me. i know the drawn to life soundtrack got me.

[pepprs]

it’s actually fucking stupid that journaling actually makes me worse now. like what the hell else am i supposed to do

[grassbreads]

Up way late at night due to reasons and killed a bug in my kitchen that was either an extremely small cockroach or an upsettingly roachlike moth and it’s fucking haunting me

[chaotic-toasters]

wHy wOulD yOu dO tHiS iN tHe LiViNg rOoM?

Caitlin Foord x Teen!Reader (Platonic)

TW: Alludes (mentions of?) to smut, no actual graphic descriptions or anything

Minors DNI just to be safe

-------------------

"-No, of course not," you scoffed to your former teammate as you walked onto the driveway. "That's summin' Kyra would do, not me."

Jen smiled. "Well, you might do it if you're sleep deprived. You're nearly as crazy as Kyra when you don't get your rest."

You climbed the steps, pulling your key out of your pocket. "I take offense to that, Beats. No one likes being compared to Kyra, ever. Don't tell her I said tha-aUGH!"

You didn't know what you were expecting when you opened the door, but it was not your sister engaging in... sexual activities with your third captain.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" your hands flew up to cover your eyes as you stumbled about, hitting your back on the doorframe and falling over as Jen sat on the other end of the line, confused. "CAITLIN!"

The frantic rustling of clothing sounded out. "I-"

"wHy wOuLd yOu dO tHiS iN tHe LiViNg rOoM?" You shrieked, voice pitch rapidly changing as you shot to your feet. "YoUr liTtLe siStEr lIvEs wItH yOU!"

Caitlin's Aussie accent was thick with embarrassment. "Y/N, you said you wouldn't be home 'till tomorrow!"

You screamed, blindly sprinting out of the house, phone forgotten on the floor with your hands clawing at your eyes. You didn't even know where you were going, but you from the aggressive honking of cars, you'd crossed the street at least twice. Thankfully for you, your feet had brought you to a familiar house in St. Albans.

"KIM! KIM! KIIIIIM!" you sobbed, desperately banging on the wooden door as the earlier image lingered in your mind. "KIIII-HIII-HIM!"

Your captain yanked the door open, clad in old Arsenal sweats and a jumper. "What happened, Y/N? Are you alright?"

"Caitlin and and and Katie THEYAUAHAUHAUHLBLUHUUHUH!" You babbled, hands rubbing frantically at your eyes like someone had pepper-sprayed you in the face. "AUAHAABUHHUH!"

"Caitlin and Katie what, sweetheart?" Kim pulled you inside worriedly, moving you into a sitting position on the floor and joining you after closing the door. "I can't understand you."

"THEY WERE HAVING SE- SEH—"

Kim gently pried your hands from your eyes as you launched your face into her shoulder, lips pressed into a thin line. "Did you knock, kiddo?"

"THEY WERE IN THE LIVING ROOM!" you cried hysterically, shaking your head as you tried to shake the ghost image. "I DON'T 'WIKE IT!"

The Scot choked on her spit. "What?!"

As you screamed bloody murder into her shoulder, Kim reached for her phone, dialing your national team captain's number. "Steph? Can you and Leah go to Caitlin's flat? She and Katie need a stern talkin' to."

"Why?" you could hear the defender ask.

"They were doing it in the living room. Y/n's in bits."

"Put Y/N on the phone."

Kim obliged, holding the phone to your ear.

"Hey, kiddo—"

"THEY WERE DOING—THEY WERE— THEY AUHHAUGHH—" you cried again, struggling to free your hands from Kim's firm grasp. "I STILL SEE IT, I STILL SEE ITTT!"

Steph sighed. "We're on our way."

"Thanks, Steph, I'll talk to you later. Bye," Kim hung up the phone, wrapping you up in a tight hug as you squirmed. "It's okay, Y/N, it's okay."

You dug your face deeper into her shoulder with a whine. "I don't wanna go back there, Kimmy. I don't wanna."

She murmured her agreement. "You can stay in the spare room tonight, kiddo. I'll have Steph and Leah pick up some of your stuff, and we'll figure out the rest tomorrow."

-------------------

"Hey, Y/N, how's it‐ why are your eyes so red?" Cloe questioned as she sat next to you in her own cubby, concerned. "Have you been crying?"

"Maybe," you answered hoarsely. "I don't know."

Steph whispered something into the Canadian's ear, your teammates eyes filling with surprise and pity. "Oof, sorry, kid."

"Me too, Cloe," you mumbled miserably. "Me too."

The last of the gunners filed into the changing room, your sister one of them. "Y/N, could you step outside so we ca—"

You screamed at the top of your lungs, jolting away and diving into Cloe's arms. "NO!"

"Give her time, Cait," Steph advised, directing her away from you. "You might've scarred her for life."

You sniffled in Cloe's comforting hold. "Why did you have to be the naked one?"

Katie shrugged apologetically. "She is a pillow princess."

You shrieked. "EWWW!"

What am I doing

[diagonal-queen]

Uuuuuuh, an idea has just arrive on my mind🤭 you know that boys usually tease girls they like right? I’m really curious how Tachihara and tecchou would do it… (I’m really curious for tecchou😭)

Teasing their crush

♡ pairing: Tecchou Suehiro, Tachihara Michizou, Dazai Osamu, Fyodor Dostoyevsky x fem!Reader

♡ synopsis: How do these boys tease the girl that they like (that's you!)?

♡ cw: Swearing, Jouno suffers a lot, Fyodor is toxic as always, mention of suicide, I somehow manage to bring Astarion up here?? (sorry)

note: i know i know. it's been a while, and i apologise. i just have been so so busy. right now i'm in an exhausted trance writing this and i'm certain i'll wake up tomorrow with no recollection of writing it at all. also threw in dazai and fyodor for the sillies i hope you don't miiind~ as always apologies for errors and i hope you enjoy x

Tecchou:

I cannot see him teasing you.

I'm sorry anon but I just can't see him teasing a girl he likes. He would either be generally nice to her, super awkward but still okay, or just come off as cold and aloof. He wouldn't go out of his way to tease a girl or exchange playful banter with her

If he ever tried to tease he would probably just straight up be mean and insult you or something. And then he wouldn't understand why it didn't work

(Jouno is smacking his head against the wall)

Don't worry. If he's gonna cope with his feelings for you he's gonna do it in a way that benefits you i.e. he's just going to be super obvious about it and not even try to hide it

(update: Jouno is still smacking his head against the wall. someone help him)

Like he'll just openly buy you food and presents and tell you he likes you and like hold your hand and shit?? Tecchou is no-nonsense. He wants to date you, he'll let you know.

And it's not like Tecchou's trying any 'techniques' or anything like that. There is not a THOUGHT behind those beautiful eyes; he's just following his heart <3

Tecchou might be a bit dense when it comes to such socially complicated things as courting, but he's a genuine person and wants to make you feel appreciated, and let you know he loves you. He just does it in the only ways he knows how <3

Tachihara:

The opposite of Tecchou

He's such a teaser. He likes to make jokes with and poke fun at his love interests, but sometimes might go a bit too far with it (If he does he genuinely feels super bad and apologises dw T-T)

Like he's one of those kinds of guys who you would get so caught up in the flirty banter with that you just talk for hours

If you're texting you guys are both kicking your legs and squealing in between texts lowkey, like you're secretly such lovesick dorks but you play it so cool

Some kaguya sama love is war type shit you guys have going on

And god forbid you do this in front of other people. They're probably SO uncomfortable. Like oh my god get a room already (this dot point was ghostwritten by Jouno)

As you two get more and more into it, he becomes less tease-flirty and more sweet-flirty. He genuinely compliments you instead of exchanging little jabs and backhanded teases, and it's so CUTE

He also, for some reason, gets more shy instead of less shy. He blushes, he messes with his hair- AUGH he's so cute

In all honesty no matter what way, shape or form Tachihara flirts with you, even if he's awkward and fumbles each time, he's still such a charmer that you can't help but love him anyway. some messy hair and a sweet boyish grin goes a LONG way!

Dazai:

This is what I like to call Egotistical Flirting

He will tease you by telling you how much you love him, how much other women love him, how wonderful of a guy he is and how great of a deal he's constantly offering you. Yes, the 'deal' in question is dinner and a movie double suicide

And of course you roll your eyes and chuckle, and while he pretends that he's all offended that you aren't openly falling for it, he LOVES that. He loves your affectionate sarcasm and he could milk it out of you for days if he had the time

And he doesn't even wait to even learn your name before he immediately goes full on womaniser. He would just approach you like 'Heyyy~' and it's all downhill from there.

Dazai is a man on a MISSION is what I'm saying

He will also tease you by embarrassing you. He just says the most oUT OF POCKET stuff out of nowhere in public?? He absolutely delights in seeing you get all embarrassed and having you swat at him and scold him

(He's a bit of a masochist don't question it)

Naturally, this is generally a facade to hide the fact that he is hopelessly infatuated with you, and kinda scared of commitment. He hopes you'll accept him as he is but just in case... it's easier to put up a nonchalant front.

Don't worry Dazai. you've got nothing to worry about. :)

Fyodor:

Mind games. Mind games. MIND GAMES

And not the good kind!

He will tease you with this neat little trick he uses called psychological warfare. In his experience it's 100% effective

Fyodor is a toxic little shit. He doesn't often really 'tease' so much as 'neg'. He doesn't quite care too much about your esteem as long as he's able to make you like him back.

You guys know this thing called Ascended Astarion? yeah this is basically just that but ✨ Russian ✨

All this being said he actually does feel affection and love towards you, and he DOES care. He just doesn't want you to reject him, so he'll use any trick necessary to prevent that (regardless of general ethics for the most part)

Fyodor is an all rounder. He'll tease, show genuine affection, neg, flirt, stalk, lovebomb...the whole shebang (I'm sure he asked Nikolai for tips, and I'm even more sure Nikolai had MANY)

Fyodor is just so emotionally out of touch when it comes to other people that he genuinely has no idea how to just...flirt, or even really be casual, like a normal person. It would be sad if he wasn't such a motherfucker

Honestly all of you 'I could fix him' girlies would fall hook line and sinker for this (and I'm allowed to say that because I am one of you)

In the end...man, just date Tachihara

taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl, @kokoenjiandco, @pinkiipeachiikeen, @call-me-albie

[the-6th-harbringer]

PLEASE READ

Hey. So. It's been a. while.

trigger warning: referenced suicide

So, if you haven't noticed, I literally evaporated for two weeks straight without any clarification on why or sign of actually being alive, unlike my last two week disappearance. Unfortunately, this unexpected evaporation does not come with a big "ooh more trauma more lore and angst for scara" thing.

This just happens to be my goodbye post.

I know, it's weird and kind of rude for me to dip for two weeks and then reappear like "hey fuckers im QUITTING hAHaA". Buuuut not only was my dad being annoying and hogging my laptop, I also barely have had time to myself for the past weeks. New family members have been introduced into my life, so now I have double the amount of little siblings to look after. (from 3 to 6. dont ask "how" thats a personal thing). juggling that with school, social stuff, fucking exams which are coming up in 3 months of my gOD, and other even more personal demons that I've been battling, its been. a lot.

SO, to make sure I do not pull the same move as Scaramouche did on the last day of his sakurarealm torture(iykyk), I'm taking a leave from tumblr. Don't know how long I'll be gone, don't know if I'll ever be back, but I didn't just wanna quit without at least telling you guys so you don't think I've been murdered or something.

On a more serious note, thank you all for all of the support and love you've given Scara and all my other blogs. While some of you are a handful, the majority of you are actually the sweetest and silliest community of people I've ever known. I hope you all have excellent lives.

Now, as for what happens to Scara, we're shoving him in another coma. which is entirely at the mercy of Wanderer's mod, because they're my friend outside of tumblr too and i trust that they'll use this as a major angst moment. Put an F for Cyrille and Scara guys

NOW: a few honorable mentions and thank yous:

@wandering-hat-guy : im not writing a goodbye type thing for you because i will literally talk to you tomorrow, but thank you for being an awesome brother-sibling figure. you are the wanderer to my scara :]

@an-active-rabbit : Thank you for being an extremely fun person to rp with. The puppets and the heart is a rp that wont leave my mind for a while yet. Many hugs for you! And I wont be forgetting Mikaven anytime soon >:3

@cyrille-leclair-de-fontaine : AUGH budddyyy im sorry to do this to you. But thank you for creating Cyrille in the first place. Cyscara my beloveds, they will always hold a place in my heart. Maybe one day they'll actually get somewhere. Im also willing to be your friend outside of tumblr if you wish because you're cool >:D

@dishonxsty : For also being a goofy little goober. My favorite rp with you was definitely the ouppy's and scara, and also kudos to you for making like 17 bajillion blogs and being able to manage them all at once somehow like???? go king go

Annnd @monsieur-neuvillette , who seems random because I havent rped with them in literally a century, but thank you for being the one to indirectly help me get over my fears of starting a rp blog AND being the inspo for me to start rping on tumblr in the first place. hugs for you too

Well, alls said that's been said, so I think I'll just end it off here, because it's been like 10 minutes since I started typing this and I am eepy.

Goodbye everyone except wandermod, and thank you for sticking with me through Scara's really out of pocket journey.

(PS: Rest in peace @the-tainted-blossom . I miss you everyday.)

[aroace-poly-show]

its probably not a song that hw would cover sound wise perhaps but. inochi ni kirawarete iru's lyrics. (specifically thinking ruinene here)

"i couldn't care a bit if i died, but i'd be pretty sad if the people around me did / i suppose it’s some kind of ego; that goes “because I just wouldn’t like it” and "i couldn't care a bit if i died, But I’m wanted alive by the people around me"

"Are these wounds really ok to be expressed with words like “I’m lonely”

"If we’re going to end up sad and if that’s fine, then you gotta laugh alone forever"

"I don’t need dreams or even a tomorrow, If you’ll have lived on then that’s all I need. Yeah… That’s actually what I want to sing about."

"Killing, struggling, laughing, shouldering it all, living, living, living, living-- just live."

idk just something about the vibe of. our self worth is at rock bottom but i care about you so let's just keep living and living and living on

AWAWAWAWAWA YEAH YEAH ITS SO. ITS SO HW RUINENE….sobs…

i’m gonna take this opportunity to give some of my thoughts on the song judas by abuse and hw. i can make any song about the character. /ref

well. it’s more of a rui song in general ( staring at the chorus lyrics) but i’m on that hw brainrot and thought too hard about it and now it’s permanently connected to hw in my head. hear me out.

“MARCH! Someone called you a "walking" creature. MARCH! Someone called you a "lamenting" creature” rui. hw rui as well of course. but yeah. feel like its self explanatory.

“Good morning, it's no problem if you cry, shout Or laugh. Look, your facial expression in this photo looks funny” hear me out i have a very specific visual in my head featuring hw ruinene for this like cause like they. they have this wall between them. but they still tease each other just like this like everything’s the same like they aren’t keeping themselves closed off from the other and. augh. do you see my vision.

“I want to change, I want to change myself! Please, change my life!” hw. they all. they all have Something about them that they so desperately want to change. they want things to be different. so fucking bad. they all take that opportunity to try again and to change in main story. yknow. am i making sense.

“MARCH! Someone called you a "deciding" creature MARCH! You are a "killing" creature” rui again. at its core this is a rui song to me <3

"I don't need it, it doesn't feel good" hw excluding tsukasa lying like they don’t still love shows with all their heart

“My need for attention is unbearable” i still need to get around to do his post but TSUKASA. TSUKASA. need i say more.

“I admit, that I will never change, You can only change, what can be changed” mmmmmmmmm. rui rui rui rui and his belief and acceptance that he’ll always be that weirdo kid who’s never trusted but also emu and her feelings about her childishness and aughhhhhhh

“That's why, our feelings/Make the world more beautiful?” throws up and dies. hwcore fucking line.

“MARCH! Someone called you a "walking" creature. MARCH! Someone called you a "lamenting" creature. MARCH! Someone called you a "deciding" creature. March on, you continue to live.” RUI AGAIN BUT THAT LAST FUCKKNG LINE. march on you continue to live. hw entirely. hello. is anyone out there. are you hearing me.

[mochiwrites]

“The plan has changed. I’ve hired someone to do what you couldn’t do the first time.”

NONONONONONONONONO GRIAN PLEASE GRIAN NO GRIAN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GRIAN NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONNONONONONONO

THAT TEASER YOU POSTED SOME TIME AGO MAKES THIS SO MUCH WORSE NONONONONONONONONONONONO

He knows what he has to do, what he’s meant to do. It’s the role he’s been cast to play. 

Secret life parallels oh lordy lord. i am SO UNWELL. no. NOOOOOOO. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i legitimately dont have any words. the only way i can properly express how im feeling right now is just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He’s not naive and hopeful like Grian is, or as kind as Mumbo can be. He’s selfish and cruel, and his loyalty is fickle. 

this is legitimately one of my favorite parts of scar's character actually. i don't have the brain power to properly analyze this, but something about how honest he is about this is so. augh. this trait is what's ultimately going to be his demise (at least, he thinks so). he'll lose grian and mumbo (possibly through death) because he chooses tubbo over mumbo and grian. he knows and he's not proud of it but it's vital to his survival anyways so he does nothing to fight it.

i dont think i make sense at all and theres a great possibility ive mischaracterized him entirely (it wouldnt be the first time, sadly) but i love it regardless. i love how flawed he is. how flawed they all are. i love how tragic their stories are. grian with his unwavering hope and optimism that gets constantly tested (and possibly crushed at some point) and scar with his insistence to not get close that eventually stabs him in the back and mumbo with his guarded but oh so big heart that he's tentatively given out only to get hurt in some way. please correct me if any of this is wrong, btw, id rather be corrected than live in ignorance of the truth

No amount of rope can pull him out. It’ll snap apart under the weight of his actions, so why try? There’s no real point in it. 

this is why you need a grian, scar. sigh.

He needs to stop being Scar and start being the Grim Reaper. He sucks in a breath, throwing Scar away.

oh this is fantastic because scar cares so deeply for them and would do just about anything to protect them, because as much as he tries not to, scar cares and loves. but that's exactly the problem because he cares for and loves tubbo so much he'd do just about anything to protect him, including sacrificing grian and mumbo. but scar couldn't possibly do that when he cares for them so much. so he weaponizes the grim reaper, who doesn't care for anyone or anything besides getting the job done.

im genuinely just rambling here there's zero coherence to be found in any of this

“We figured we should take advantage of the peace while we can,"

wow youre really just pulling out all the stops to make this hurt as much as possible arent you

But even then… surely it wouldn’t take this long to heal. 

this is SOOOOO CONCERNING are you KIDDING ME???? MUMBO PLEASEEEEEEEEE YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME MAN😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“Maybe we can come back tomorrow earlier.” 

i have you say you are incredible at setting the mood. having an idea of what's about to happen as a third party, watching it all unfold. grian and mumbo being right there and nearly getting to the truth, but not quite getting it because they trust scar. BECAUSE THEY TRUST SCAR!! grum and jrum being there adding to the innocence of it all and amplifying how unsettling scar's actions are. "maybe we can come back tomorrow" when there's not going to BE a tomorrow for them (assuming scar succeeds). it's so tense. it's so anxiety-inducing. it's such an intense sense of foreboding and it has my heart rate genuinely going up. infinite props to you.

He aims for Mumbo’s shoulder.

might be overthinking this but i hate that this implies the possibility that scar informed this assassin with ways to make the killing easier

He grits his teeth as he pulls another glyph from his pocket. He slams it between his hands, vines wrapping up around his arms.

GRIAN'S GLYPHS LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO!! IT'S EVEN COOLER THAN ID IMAGINED HEHE

“Did you get hit at all?” He does a quick scan of the changeling for any injuries.

you're really making this hurt

“Dad!” the two boys cry, the word not registering to any of them in the moment. 

AAAAAAAAAA YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY STOP IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Blood splatters on the ground in thick drops, spilling in the grooves of the cobble path. 

i havent read ahead and i swear to god if this is grian sacrificing himself for mumbo and he turns around and sees grian's body on the pavement and screams "GRIAN!" and that's what the teaser was and that's how it ends my brain is going to be filled with unspeakable screaming until it gets confirmation that he's okay.

“GRIAN!”

I WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE RIGHT. I WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAVE GUESSED CORRECTLY. I WASNT. THAT WASNT. IM. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IM. I HAVE NO WORDS. I HAVEN'T A SINGLE COHERENT SENTENCE. I AM JUST. WOW. IM. WHAT. NO. NO?????? NO. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HFGJFHKFHGJFK WELL. HI LMAO

reading through all of this with a big grin because excitement and Also knowing what happens next >:3c I'd apologize about the teaser thing but I am Not sorry WHEEZE

but in regards to the scar stuff, you're 100% right, yeah, along with grian and mumbo. they're all flawed characters just trying to do the right thing with the cards they've been dealt. their best qualities are Easily their greatest weaknesses. and none of them realize it but y'know. that's what being human is all about! :D

aND THE GRIM REAPER YEAHHHH. I talk about it all the time but I genuinely love scar being the grim reaper. weaponizing it in this chapter. he's such an interesting character to both study and write

but !!!! very glad to see that the first bomb of three has landed appropriately! :D

[antisocialgaycat]

im gonna cry why did i sign up for this many gigs i have gigs 4 days in a row plus like 8 other things then im flying off to the east and jesus christ im going to be so burnt out augh i literally have a gig at 7 in the morning tomorrow in the city i cant be bothered with that and then i have to take the fucking train home aesfrgdhfsa why oh and also yeah also i need to finish doing the thing but i cant cos i dont have time i also need to practice cricket or ill go to state trials and just fall flat on my face fucking hell why do i sign up for this shit

[deathlydeathovo]

Are You Mad?

---ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜᴛ---

Suicidal reader, Venti, Self-harm, implied suicide, Blood, Gore, Blades, Pocket Knives, Crying, And i'm pretty sure that there is no gender mention in here, if there is lmk and i'll fix it.

It was a warm, and sunny day. The sun shined on your skin, and made you look ever so beautiful.

but that's the complete opposite of what today was gonna be.

"Augh... Fuck.." You opened your eyes, stretching on your bed. You sat up, and patted around your bed for your phone. "Damn phone.." you plopped back down again. "Why does it matter, anyways? It's not like he'll be hearing from me after today." You slid your legs off your bed, then your body. "mm.." You tried to pull off the gloves you wore to hide your cuts, although.. it would hide things.. if it weren't covered in blood stains. As you took it off, it pulled the hardened scabs off with it, as the night before, the blood stuck to the gloves. You winced, taking both of the gloves off completely. "Ouch." Your tone was careless, and sarcastic. When you saw your arm, covered in blood and cuts, no emotion came to mind. No anger, fear, nothing.

That was until you heard a knock.

"Windblume, hello? You haven't been answering my texts!" A voice shouted from behind your door, wanting to know what happened. "Uh- uhm.. give me a second!" only when Venti knocked, was when the pain, and the rush of nervousness came back to you. Your voice was filled with guilt, and pain. "Windblume, are you okay? You sound pained! Windblume, I'm coming in, alright?" you panicked, you rushed into your bathroom, cleaning up yesterday's events. There was blood in the sink, a bloody towel, and your bloody pocket knives. You couldn't clean it up fast enough for him to not notice, You had only flushed away the rest of the blood down the sink when he was at the bathroom doorway. "Windblume.." you got up quick, and shoved him away, you then shoved the bathroom door closed, and looked at him, with a drop of sweat rolling down your face. "H-H.." You coughed. Your heart was racing so much you found it hard to speak.

"H-Hi, Venti, Darling, Love of my life!" you said multiple pet names to get his mind off of what just happened. "Windblume.. where are your gloves? you usually have them on first thing in the morning." your heart dropped. You weren't wearing your gloves? "A-ah! don't worry about that.. ehehe.. If you don't mind, I-I still need to get dressed." With a nervous laugh, you fumbled with your fingers. "[Y/N]." there was a rush of panic through your body. "Show me your arms." Your heart went fast. Your breathing was fast, but you tried to hide it, in a attempt to not be suspicious. "W-what for?" you couldn't seem to say anything right, to defend your part. "Show me, Now. I don't wanna play these games with you." Venti's voice was stern, and furious.

You didn't reply. So, Venti, the usually kind and gentle bard, took one of your arms, and turned it palm-up. His eyes widened, and his mouth opened. You teared up. "A-are you.. Mad..?" He closed his mouth, and he looked into your eyes. "Of course I'm mad! [Y/N], why.. why would you do this?" you said nothing. "Answer me." you opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Tears began to roll down your face. Venti sighed, and took your hand. "C'mon." He opened your bathroom door, he ignored everything that he saw, and put your arm under the faucet. The water was cold, and he said nothing. He gently made sure your wounds were clean.

"...Sorry.." He wrapped your wounds with gauze. Before answering, he sighed, deeply. "..there's nothing to apologize for." Once he was done, he hugged you.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow.. but for now.. just get some rest."

"Okay.."

[deeisace]

Augh

Time to stop hugging my radiator and put the washing to dry. And then I'll get the book boxes out from under my bed and start to organise my new shelves!

The idea is. If I say it somewhere people can see. Then I have to do it. Y'know, my executives.

I don't have any bookends, but I figure all the ridiculous candles (they're very lovely, I just don't know why there's so many) mum got me for xmas will do for now

Maybe I can get some from the market if I end up going tomorrow

[naomiknight-17]

I had such a tiring day (job counseling, doctor's appointment, cooking, etc) and I have to get up early tomorrow for an eye doctor appointment oof ough augh

Why is it that I don't go anywhere for like 2 weeks and then I have to do all the things all at once

[theemperorsfeather]

Sunny, warm (finally!) weekend when I'm not sick or just plain exhausted, so much gardening work to do . . . and I am calling it short well before it gets dark because if I keep going I'll probably overdo it, augh, why must I go to work tomorrow when there are more weeds to pull, life is unfair, etc etc.

The good news is that I am slightly more on top of doing things at the seasonally appropriate time than I was last year, even though I'm not quite hitting the timeline I drafted up several months ago.

I bought some purple crocus and miniature daffodils late last spring, deeply discounted because they had faded in their pots, and they are just coming into full bloom now - along with some white crocus I don't recall seeing coming up last spring. I think I'll watch for that sale again, because there are so many places I could put little bulbs. There are also a lot of tulips coming up where I thought I'd dug them all up last fall so I need to mark them so I can finish taking care of that job in October.

...

The worst thing about having taken care of a bunch of chores by mid-afternoon, and telling myself "you have! to! stop! now!" is that now I feel entirely at loose ends. Games, what games, why play games when I want to pull weeds and work on my first sunburn of the season :<

[dogstarblues]

oh you know why i feel anxious and insane and mentally exhausted? i ate too few calories yesterday. i went way below the minimum i allowed for myself. and that's why im overthinking every decision ive made today. maybe im at the end of my rope. just want this semester to be over. cant wait for tomorrow when i turn my thesis in. but. idk. im tired. and sad. and have to come up with a calorie-dense food for tonight ;.; idk. idk idk.

im like already running out of food bc i spent most of the money i was given on kitchen essentials like dry goods or equipment like chinoise. since the my former chinoise was broken. ugh i need to invest in pots soon too bc my one is bent and the two in the non-stick set have teflon coming up and i wanna get stainless steel and this comes down to 100% not having enough money AGAIN. im rambling. and ofc i only spill on tumblr when im doing badly. so i know im stretched thin. not in a bad place just. tired. sad. anxious.

AUGH.