#why do i know so many people who relate to this kind of upbringing

[olderthannetfic]

I'm a big mpreg and A/B/O fan who is wondering if anyone else has noticed the weird anti-abortion attitudes in a lot of mpreg and a/b/o? Like where you're "2000s Hollywood movies" levels of characters not even CONSIDERING abortion as an option for unwanted pregnancies (in a universe where this is possible and safe, and where it doesn't make sense with the character's characterization). I get why for plot reasons, abortion isn't as satisfying an end to a certain kind of pregnancy story as having the baby, same as it is in movies that do it. But you can write a character considering abortion and deciding not to get one in a way that doesn't make the option seem horrible and unthinkable or otherwise stigmatize it.

Or the number of people who seem to think abortion is such an inherently "traumatizing" topic that they need to content-warn for even a vague, offhand mention of it. It's one thing if it's graphic surgery or something - I'd probably want a head's up for that no matter what it was, at least in a story where I didn't see it coming - but just mentioning it at all? Abortion is a routine, safe medical procedure in places where it's legal. If you're doing warnings with abortion and no other medical procedures, you're reinforcing the anti-choice idea that abortion is inherently upsetting and sad. It's reinforcing abortion stigma. I've met many, many more people who've had abortions who felt happy about it and wish they could say that without having people treat them like a murderer, than I have people who had the "post-abortion regret" that anti-choice organizations talk about, and my experiences are supported by basically all the statistics about this that aren't from anti-choice political lobbying groups. It's especially egregious when people do this over an early, fully-elective (and legal and safe) abortion - a thing where patients having triggering kind of trauma is so low as to be statistically insignificant - but don't do it over related topics that genuinely contribute to a lot of PTSD, like miscarriage, infertility, adoption, and even fucking child death!!!!! I saw a fic that mentioned ALL of those things in someone's inner monologue considering what he should do about an unexpected pregnancy, but only the abortion part got warned for! Maybe some of that sounds nitpicky, but I personally know people who read fanfiction who like warnings for discussion of infertility/miscarriage because they have a lot of stress and trauma over unsuccessfully trying to have a child, and don't want to be reminded of that in their happy place.

It feels like a thing that's oddly underdiscussed when people talk about things in mpreg and a/b/o that would be kind of questionable to these same authors if they were to encounter it in stories about pregnancy where the character is a woman (like the stories where simply having a working uterus means you are inherently more nurturing or less ambitious or sweeter, or where getting pregnant suddenly makes you like that no matter how you were before). But if anything it's more common. I have to assume a lot of it's because a lot of people writing these were raised with more conservative ideas about abortion and then changed their minds, but didn't really question everything their upbringing taught them about abortions being always tragic or something that you should only do in extreme circumstances or whatever. Something you often see on Tumblr discourse about abortion, too, where people who claim to be "pro-choice" will come u with a list of reasons (disability, gender, just not feeling it, etc.) why it's "not okay" to get an abortion - not getting the point that forcing someone to carry a pregnancy they don't want is a violation of their body autonomy regardless of their "reasoning." The ableist woman who doesn't want a disabled baby still doesn't deserve have to a pregnancy forced upon her by the state!

I have to wonder if it's more noticeable to me because i wasn't raised that way at all, I had pro-choice leftist feminist parents.

Anyway long story short, I've never agreed with the anti take that mpreg or a/b/o are inherently sexist or anything like that. A lot of it is nothing like this! But it's common and I have to wonder if something working within a medium that's considered to be queerer and more progressive sometimes leads people to expose more of these attitudes than they might otherwise. Kind of like how you see a lot of weird sex-negativity in queer and fandom communities because people think merely being queer and in fandom means they can't be conservative, but they haven't actually questioned underlying sex-negative attitudes they have.... and so you get them being susceptible to anti and "kinks don't belong at pride" and such.

It's not inherently sexist, but I'm not sure it's inherently progressive, either? Not that it has to be. But I think my patience for anti-abortion stigma is, given recent big world events, at its absolute nadir lol

(sorry this is so long! guess i had more to say about this than i thought)

--

Too much American culture, maybe? IDK.

My mother considered abortions to be about like having the doctor remove a tick. I too find a lot of people's pearl clutching bemusing.

I always find it embarrassing in that bad writing OOC way when people don't include abortion where it makes sense or treat it as a Big Deal where it wouldn't be to that character.

However, I do usually expect mpreg fic to be kinking on "Ohhh nooo, now we have to stay together for the baby!" nonsense fantasies. It's one reason I dislike most of it. Given that, I wouldn't read too much into the plague of conservative anti-abortion vibes.

The fandoms that do more with A/B/O world building (giving the betas an actual role, etc.) tend to have more fic where they consider or even get abortions though.

[sugar-grigri]

The nail that sticks out gets hammered down

Guns, nails, katanas: I think it's interesting to read this title not just in terms of the chapter's construction, but as three notions serving the same idea, which is what we're going to develop. 

The chapter opens with the students, followers of the Church of Chainsaw Man, who don't really know what to do with their weapons. They weren't even aware that they had so many, which marks a continuity with the last chapter, when Nobana wasn't even aware that there were weapons.

Their reaction becomes the opposite when their superior gives them a reason to interpret the weapons differently - they're no longer guns in the hands of children, but a continuation of Chainsaw Man's message and power.

I think that's an easy interpretation to have, but it's one worth establishing for the sequel. The guns are only a third part of the reasoning, after all. 

When the fiend arrives on the scene, it's also interesting the moment and the way they's cut off. Strangely enough, the fire doesn't start until they begins to suggest that children shouldn't be holding weapons, as if someone wanted to prevent them from provoking an awakening of conscience. All symbolic, of course. 

I insist on the fact that the response of the weapons is instantaneous because in French the line is well cut (I read both versions because sometimes it helps me to have a re-reading on certain lines and I perceive better the indicators notably on the tone… And yes, you missed the fiend saying Ouh Là Ouh Là Là… )

The fiend seems to have a strong desire to protect children. Which gives us an idea of the demon they might embody. A common trait that could be given to fiends is that they are beings (and I say this with all the love I bear them) intellectually limited or rather who have a way of reasoning that is more animal and demonic (logical, they are demons they embody) than human.

Whether it's Power, who only reasoned through the prism of domination, or Beam, who considered himself Chainsaw Man's pupil and follower, the possessed reason strictly through hierarchy, or rather through a kind of food chain, which is typically bestial. 

Seeing what looks like a fiend, or even a devil, reasoning in terms of child protection induces the idea that they must have something to do with these children to reason in such an abstract way as child protection. 

Especially as it's something they embodies rather than understands themself, since they remains demonic, bashing in the skull of a child they themself wanted to protect, but had spoken to wrongly, as if this "lesson" were also part of his upbringing. 

That's why I interpret this fiend as harboring the devil of studies. Which is logical? It's one of the main fears of young people in particular, whether it's the choice of direction, exams, or even because it's related to the future, studies are a subject of anxiety. 

Particularly in a Japanese system in which the costs of studying are considerable, with university rankings that can be quite anxiety-provoking for high-school students. 

That's why this fiend is so revolted by the sight of children with weapons, and nails them to walls rather than brutally killing them all.

Moods and compassion are not necessarily inherent concepts in the fiends, even if they are capable of them, as we saw with Power.

But then again, if Power changed her behavior, it was only with regard to Denji and Aki, because they were part of her pack and her entourage, just like Meowy.

Sacrificing herself for Denji, even if she did in the end, was by no means obvious, hence the fact that there were several pages before her second death where she considered two options: her survival by helping Makima and her certain death to protect her brother. 

That's why the fiend's words are so strange and put me on the trail of the study demon.

Skull-hammering, or being overloaded with information and knowledge to be accumulated, is symbolized by this protruding brain. 

In the same way, the fact that the demon possessed has no eyes symbolizes the school system, whose aim is to develop students without actually seeing them. 

I was thinking about the hammer, but the title indicates that it's the nails we should be thinking about.

Hence the title of this analysis, which takes up a famous saying :

The nail that sticks out gets hammered down

Obviously, this saying alone cannot reflect the complexity of Japanese society, which is sometimes even used as a caricature by the Western media. 

Nevertheless, without falling into caricature, it symbolizes a simple idea: Japanese society, unlike Western society, puts the collective before the individual. 

This doesn't mean that the individual is completely erased, but that he is encouraged to consider his behavior from a more global angle, one that transcends himself. 

It's simply a saying that can be understood as advice: if you step out of line, you can expect to encounter more difficulties.

This is as true for a Japanese society as it is for a Western one. I'm not establishing any hierarchy of values.

Hence the nails, which freeze individuals where they belong. 

That's why this possessed person has an aversion to seeing students with guns: it's not just for protection, it's also for compartmentalization. Society doesn't give students the role of assailants; their role is to have a criterion in their hands. 

We continue with this superior, who also happens to be possessed by the demon of justice. His posture is not only interesting in that it's a completely instrumentalized justice in the sense that it puts children in danger for a better purpose, but it's above all the thesis of necessary evil, i.e. fighting evil with evil. 

If human morality were to be summed up, it would be through this maxim: preventing wars with wars, protecting like Chainsaw Man while endangering students - that's the whole human contradiction.

So, of course, the fiend find him vain when he argues that he is the best incarnation of justice.

It's typical of man to imagine himself superior to other species. 

We end on Katana, who arrives with a cutaway (which I loved) to declare that there's no justice with Chainsaw Man. 

So, in one line, we put back in place all the originality of this character, and I find it incredible. 

This line is both true and ironic!

True, because Chainsaw Man humiliated him by killing his grandfather, winning against him and beating his private parts with Aki to avenge Himeno. 

But above all, Katana Man has been brought up among the Yakuza, who he believes are governed by the same principles as his grandfather, to the point where he firmly clings to this position.

Katana Man hasn't evolved at all on this issue .

Ironic, given that Katana Man's grandfather was Denji's debt collector, the man who ended up ordering the overindebtedness and dismemberment of a child.

Indeed, Denji has no idea what justice is, for his life is profoundly unjust, whether it's being indebted for his father's misdeeds or dying prematurely. 

Above all, he doesn't take justice into his own hands; Denji didn't take revenge on Aki and Power with Makima, he saved her, just as he pursues his own personal goals of killing demons; they don't slaughter demons to bring justice to all those unjust deaths, he fights because they turn him on, he's an instrument, not a vigilante. 

What the chapter speaks to in these three themes is the whole paradox of protection, whether it's seeking justice through the church by sending children as gunpowder.

Whether it's trying to protect these children by enclosing them in a school system.

Whether it's protecting ideals that are unfounded. 

Once again we follow the analysis of the last time, public hunters choose weapons or possessions that limit the damage to the teenagers who constitute the nation's precious asset. The church uses children as a kind of barrier, not because they think they're good soldiers, but because they're moral barriers. So they send a possessed man convinced that he's protecting the children.

Or a weapon who thinks he still has a man's heart.

It's not just a clash between the two camps; it's also a battle for public approval.

Katana Man and Chainsaw Man are two sides of the same coin, the same story. While one has known a loving grandfather whom he loves so much that he closes himself off in denial (to the point of always refuting Denji's version that he murdered his grandfather as a zombie, even though the only legacy he left him was a zombie weapon), the other has known the monster and has therefore not internalized concepts such as love, compassion or justice.

Katana Man is a weapon who has been instrumentalized by the Yakuza, and is still deluding himself to find meaning in his existence, while Denji is one of the few weapons living strictly for himself at the moment.

He's the only one who truly follows his heart !

[fluxweeed]

Hii, I just discovered your fics and am reading my way through them. Love, love, love the ones I’ve read so far.😊 I was just wondering what your favourite Draco is you’ve written, and what your fave Draco is in fics written by others? ☺️

ACK thank you!! what a question!! i've considered this v carefully and it turns out i have………a lot of thoughts. i will keep them under a cut so nobody is accosted with a full 700 words of my Draco Opinions 😂 so my quick answer is:

my fave draco i've written: the taste of țuică my fave draco ever: rookie moves by peu_a_peu

draco is an interesting one for me bc i don't really LIKE him? but i have sooo many feelings about him. really not sure i could summon the same fervour for harry, for example, who is my number one boy forever and always.

(i saw a thing once that said a pairing becomes ur otp when u relate to one of the characters and want to fuck the other one, and 🙈 i mean, i think you're supposed to relate to the gryffindor, aren't you. whoops.)

OKAY SO HERE'S THE UNHINGED DRACO MALFOY ESSAY BY FLUX W. EED.

listen. i love and respect people who are Refined Draco enjoyers. connoisseurs of redemption arcs. appreciators of majestic malfoy bone structure and ethereal grey eyes and soft windswept hair. fans of dracos who insult harry (with hidden affection) and who are a bit snobbish (in a rich, sexy way) but ultimately have realised the error of their teenage years and have become a better person. perhaps this draco has built a potions business and helps the aurors. perhaps he IS an auror. either way, he has a biting sense of humour, maybe, but he's a good guy.

unfortunately, the draco of my heart is a horrid mean little rat man.

i've never actually managed to write him the way i love him. i tried to aim for immoral bastardy in what's mine is yours but i got so caught up in trying to nail the feelsforbreakfast-style humour in the narrative that i ended up focusing much more on that and much less on writing genuine bastardhood.

i've written him as reserved and clever (in the four doors – this draco was written entirely for @jovialobservationanchor, who had a weak spot for closed-off academics with soft centres) and as a traumatised self-loathing mess (in two to lie and to some extent for lack of wanting and say no to this) and hopelessly sexually/emotionally horny for one harry james potter (in, um, most things) but i've never managed to capture the genuine cruel streak and flawed personality that is sooo so important to me.

WHICH IS WHY i picked țuică!draco for my favourite of the ones i've written. he's still a bit too emotionally intelligent to be Just Right, imo, but i think he's maybe the closest? he's unrepentantly rude to people. he's not attractive. and he has a streak of self-destructive fucked-upedness that is some form of wartime guilt, but certainly not a pretty one.

HOWEVER. rookie moves?? NAILED it. i adooored how genuinely fuckin MEAN he is, even tho he's an auror. i love love LOVED that he's kind of bad at his job in a way that's in complete opposition to how drarry!draco is often written these days:

The look on Malfoy’s face was not only troubling, Harry realized, but familiar. At once activated and dead behind the eyes, like an invasive species in an ecosystem that could not check it. It was the look of the meanest fucking teenager Harry had ever known, giving in to his urge to bully.

-

What Malfoy wasn’t good with was people. Despite his repeated insistences that his upbringing had equipped him with impeccable manners and a facility with society intrigue, the truth was that he rubbed almost everyone the wrong way. He was, undeniably, annoying. Witnesses were put off by his snide, dismissive tone, and he didn’t know how to coax out information with curiosity, warmth, or strategic silence.

that's not to say unrepentant cunt draco is the only one for me!! i DO enjoy the classic redeemed drarry draco!! i love a quirky draco, à la wwpwcs or maya's drop dead gorgeous. gallaplacidia's draco is sooo painful for me to read (complimentary) that even though i adore her fics, i still haven't read them all bc i have to space them out, for my health. and i'm sure there are dozens more dracos that i'm forgetting how much i like – basically, as long as he isn't super suave, absolutely gorgeous and/or obviously tom felton, i'm on board.

[zepumpkineater]

And now my thoughts have fallen onto Hank. So many questions, where to begin? Who is he? Where did he come from? Why does he act so violently? Did he choose this path, or was it chosen for him?

All questions the Madness fandom has asked and, in many different ways, attempted to answer. Sad, angsty backstories of the loss of someone close, a rough upbringing or some kind of traumatic event.

And of course, we have the "canon" interpretation. The cold blooded murderer who has little to no regard for himself or others. No meaningful connections, no friends, loved ones, or goals to aspire to. Just a man who's really good at killing people.

And I will admit more often than not, I find myself using this interpretation for more Hank related or Hank-adjacent things, but that's not to say I haven't found myself exploring the deeper psyche of our dear protagonist, and wondering just what exactly makes him tick, so to speak.

There was a time I had actually subscribed to headcanons that made Hank more of a sympathetic character, someone to relate to and feel bad for, someone who cared for his friends and was simply bad at showing it. And while I do not challenge the validity of such headcanons, I find myself wanting to take a more...Ambiguous approach.

One of the more entertaining aspects of Madness Combat, at least to me, is the inherent ambiguity of many things. Project Nexus more or less confirmed a lot of the fandom's headcanons regarding several major characters, Hank being no exception. There have been a fair share of arguments regarding Hank's feelings to those who would otherwise be considered his friends and allies, namely Sanford and Deimos.

In a way, I enjoy how many people are discussing and debating just what Hank was thinking in the very moment he decided to betray the dynamic duo that we had just finished playing as for 1/3rd of the game, characters that we were able to easily establish an emotional connection to due to their bombastic personalities. Generally, the personalities of these two are largely uncontested across the greater fandom, but Hank's is always the topic of debate.

I enjoy this because well, it's kind of always been like this. Even in the earliest years of the fandom, there were arguments in forums and in newgrounds comments sections about whether or not Hank was the "good guy", and the debate rages on. It's endearing, much like Hank himself and the series he belongs to.

It reminds me of an idea I had, in regards to if I were in charge of a Madness Combat movie. Hank in particular is a character I would be eager to depict on the screen, to have the chance to depict his emotional ambiguity to an audience who had previously never experienced the character and his violent escapades.

I would intentionally create scenes that leave the viewer asking just how much of a consciousness Wimbleton truly has. A scene where he picks up a stuffed bear, battered and worn by years of neglect and exposure to the elements. He stops and stares at it for a moment, as if in some kind of somber reflection - before unceremoniously tearing the toy open to reveal a wad of bills inside, or some other useful item.

Was Wimbleton reflecting on a childhood lost, or perhaps the loss of innocence that now plagues his world? Or was he simply inspecting the toy in order to find the right place to tear it and extract his desired item?

I think if I were to depict the battle between Sanford, Deimos and Hank in the form of a film, I would have Hank fight in a specific way. Defensively, in order to introduce dual ideas. Does he fight defensively because he knows he's outnumbered, or does he not desire to maim and kill the duo as he does his usual victims?

Would he stab Sanford in the shoulder instead of the heart? A lucky miss, or perhaps a deliberate attack in order to avoid lethality? Is he truly fighting to kill, or does some deeper recess of his mind not desire to harm those he has fought alongside through the horrors of Project Nexus?

Would they notice it, would they see it that way, would Sanford and Deimos pick up on Hank's fighting style, or would the heat of the moment only allow them to view it as one thing: A desperate struggle for survival?

[the-bi-space-ace]

Artemy Burakh: A Fixer

This is not my usual Star Wars related post BUT I do think that if you have similar interests to me you might want to read this post and perhaps find another fandom to explore. That being said let’s talk first about what Pathologic 2 is.

Pathologic 2 is a video game set somewhere in the Russian Steppe in a small town with eccentric inhabitants with interesting cultural traditions and unique struggles. The game follows Artemy Burakh who is no older than 26 years old (I’m not sure of exact age but he is very young.) He receives a letter from his father asking him to come home from college where he is training to be a surgeon. He returns upon request only to discover his father is dead and a deadly plague is about to ravage the town. He receives odd clues and hints about what happened, who killed his father, and where this plague comes from but ultimately his job is to care for a list of people his father left him and discover a panacea before it is too late.

Now that you have the basics I’d like to talk a little bit about Artemy Burakh himself and why he is one of the most loving characters I’ve ever gotten to know. Artemy grew up with his father, mother, and brother. His mother and brother both died tragically when he was young and he and his father were left alone. Artemy is meant to follow in his father’s footsteps and become the town’s doctor - a menkhu - who is the only person in the town allowed to cut flesh. Artemy has accepted this purpose and was surprised yet willing when his father sent him away to train in the city to learn more mainstream medicine.

Why is Artemy Burakh so important? Well, for one, he represents two halves of the town: the Kin and the Townspeople. There is a rift between these two sides and Artemy’s dad is of the Kin while his mother was a townsperson. Their marriage and the birth of their children signified something that follows Artemy around for the rest of his life. He constantly feels torn between two sides and to be honest nether side really wants him. They wish he would abandon one side of his roots and favor the other but he can’t. He never truly feels as though he belongs.

Upon spending the game with Artemy you start to learn more about what his upbringing was like. His friends say insensitive things to him, harp on him for leaving, claim horrible things about him, and yet he still so desperately wants their friendship. Few people give him any sort of condolences for the loss of his father, effectively leaving him with no other family, and his role in this plague is a thankless one. Still, Artemy does it. He survives on no sleep, trading with others, and the kindness of people to survive, along with his own intellect and strength.

His friends call him ‘cub’ which makes sense considering he is often compared to a bear and told he’s ‘big’ quite often. Artemy is an intimidating guy. He’s snarky and bitchy and rude to people he doesn’t like. He’s protective and loyal. And depending how you play him he can be quite ruthless. Artemy is a special character because he feels very human.

Many of the individuals he has sworn to protect are children and this is a huge deal in the game. Artemy feels connected to them, protects them, and would do anything for them. He particularly connects with two: Sticky and Murky. Two orphans on his father’s list who end up staying with him at the end of the game. Artemy essentially adopts these two kids, providing for them, and ensuring they have a home. Through the events of the game he may lose one family but he gains another. He loves them dearly, it’s clear throughout the game, and I think if anyone were to try to take them from him he’d tear the world apart before he let that happen.

During one of the early pantomimes Artemy says that he’s not sure he knows how to love. I find this to be incredibly interesting considering the game spends its time showing you that he does know how to love and he absolutely shows it. Looking at Artemy from an outside perspective it’s easy to see how loving he is. It’s a shame he doesn’t see it and thinks he doesn’t ’know how’.

You learn quite a few devestating things throughout the game. Things that change Artemy’s life forever. I’m about to spoil the game so if you intend to play stop reading here.

Artemy’s dad started the plague on purpose. He claimed that the town was broken and he - Isidor - was good at breaking. Artemy, however, is good at fixing. Isidor told his son to come home, started the plague, and died for the town. There’s a conversation later on where Artemy asks if Isidor did this for him and he says ‘Of corse not. I did it for the town.’ Isidor is good at breaking because I imagine he broke Artemy’s heart here just as much, and probably more, than he broke mine. It’s a moment that makes me question what Artemy’s upbringing must’ve looked like. Isidor must’ve loved his son, but was he a good parent? I’d venture to say no but we aren’t really sure. All I know is that Artemy’s dad was more concerned with his duty as a doctor than he was to his son and without more knowledge I don’t know how to judge further.

At the end of the day Isidor is right. Artemy is a great fixer. And he fixes everything almost entirely on his own.

Within 11 days he returns home, learns of his father’s death, gets the plague, cures the plague, gets chased through the streets by robbers, gets attacked at the train station, learns of the origin of the plague, and depending on your choice at the end either kills the earth (I know how it sounds but he does, really, kill the earth) or level the town and force everyone to wander the steppe until they die while the earth and the plague claim the town, adopts two children, and probably loses his nearest and dearest friends in the process.

He’s 26. I’m only a year older than him and I can’t imagine doing what he does. I can’t imagine sleeping for an hour at a time, sometimes going days without sleep, caring for sick patients, digging through the trash for objects and food, hunting down water bottles, trading for medicine, and creating a panacea to save your home town. That is. A lot. To put it lightly.

So why does he do all of this? Well, the simple answer is that this is a game and in order to play you must do it. BUT. I think it’s about love. I think Artemy does everything he does not out of obligation but because of his love for people and his deep need to not be alone. He wants a family. He wants connection. He wants to love and be loved in return.

Man needs a hug.

Wrapped up in this plague game is a story of obligation and purpose and choice and love. What do you choose when you must decide between the earth or the town? Personally I always choose to kill the earth. That choice is the only logical option for me, personally, and one I think Artemy would choose himself. Killing the earth effectively gives you the panacea and kills the plague who has taunted you the whole game. It allows the town to move forward and build again through the people on Isidor’s list. It hurts, though, as it is not without consequence. The beings who are of the earth die and become no more which hurts to see. The earth dies. And many of the traditions die with the earth. It will take a long time for the town to heal, for Artemy to heal, and yet it must.

Artemy loves his father. He loves his mother and his brother. He loves his friends. He loves the children he was sworn to protect. He loves people who have come into his life and those who may or may not leave it. He loves so he heals. He loves them so he destroys the earth for them.

Artemy is forced to do horrible things to remain alive. I’ve played this game five times and my kill count goes up each time. Artemy wouldn’t like doing that but he does what he must. He doesn’t like what his father did but he still loves him even if he is angry. I wish Isidor would treat Artemy like his child sometimes. Hold his hand and tell him everything will be alright, walk him through what he needs to do, and guide him without fear of judgement. But Isidor was always better at breaking than he was fixing.

‘If a bone grew wrong, he’d break it.’

Artemy has a right to be angry. I think that goes without saying. He has a right to feel hurt and betrayed especially by those closest to him. His closest friend growing up, Rubin, hates him when he returns to the town and yet Artemy spends the game proving to Rubin that he loves him and wants him to stay. Rubin was angry when Artemy left for the city. So angry that they fought and Artemy had to leave it on bad terms. When he returns Rubin hates him, will find any reason to slander him, and talks about Isidor’s death as if it is Artemy’s fault.

It’s unfair. It’s hurtful. And yet Artemy spends the game convincing Rubin that they can be friends again despite everything. I get so angry with Rubin because if he would just set aside his anger and allow them emotional closeness then maybe they’d both heal but he can’t and he won’t. It’ll take time to fix their relationship but Artemy will put in the effort.

He’s always been a fixer.

When it comes to Rubin I want to choose the cruel dialogue options but I know Artemy wouldn’t, not for Rubin. He gets angry but he’s not a cruel man, as much as he might want to be cruel to Rubin at times. He wouldn’t so I don’t. You can tell by the more tame interactions they have that Artemy is relieved when Rubin says something not entirely unkind to him and he sinks back into familiarity quickly. So I let Artemy have his friendship despite how much I wish he was treated better by the people he holds dear.

I hope Artemy got a long cry after this was all over. I hope he sat in his dad’s house after cleaning the blood off of the floor and pulled out his mom’s old stuff and sobbed. I hope he set up bedrooms for Murky and Sticky and ended up sleeping on the floor in the same room with them just to be close to them. I hope his friends visited him after a few days just to bring him food and sit and talk. I hope he convinced Daniil to stay. I hope Artemy allowed friendship to develop into something more and found someone to spend his life with and help raise his children. I hope he thinks of the earth and knows he did the right thing. I hope he lays in the steppe and thinks of his brother and talks to his dad at his grave. I hope Artemy smiles and laughs and hugs his loved ones and sees his own stubborn spirit in the two spunky kids he’s adopted and fosters their interests. I hope he puts together the life he deserves after watching it crumble to pieces over 11 days of hell and torment. I hope so much for him.

After all, Artemy has always been a fixer.

[kiwisleepy]

HELLO good morning or night where ever you are but!! I love nsr and all the crazy designs people come up with, so I wanted to throw my hat in the ring with a few questions!

-Since Apollinare conducts with the "stars" and such, does that mean he's got a good relationship with DJSS or a bad one? I can't imagine that they're REALLY the stars but also....if DJSS can grow to the size of a skyscraper and also create an event horizon by cracking his head then maybe they really ARE the stars!!

-Also also, if they don't get along, is it just entirely on DJSS's part or is it mutual? You wrote that Apollinare was a polite fellow, and Nova is a..pretty egotistical guy, so I can easily see him getting territorial over his "brand" but I could be entirely wrong!!

-Last thing but, Ratio also, seems to be space themed! Do those 2 ocs have any relation to each other, or is it just a favorite theme of yours? No judgement here, space is a wonderful thing! But also, in her art, she's got a little Sayu on her head, so does that mean the two artists are really close or was that just a cute detail you wanted to add?

I hope this wasn't too overwhelming, but nsr ocs are such a treat for me to see, because you can really make anything you want in a way, and it's always great seeing more love for the game!

HI AND I'M SORRY THAT I TOOK SO LONG TO GET READY AND ANSWER AHHHHHH

Apollinare is a star, but its head does not consist of gas, but of a crystalline base (more precisely, only the head, the body is organic). By the way, he can not only control the stars, but also feel them. There are disadvantages to this, because he can feel the explosion of a star, and if it does not affect him, it will definitely distract him.

Poor bby let him sleep

He WOULD HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DJ, IF NOT FOR ONE SMALL ISSUE THAT SPOILS EVERYTHING (in fact, there are many reasons and the "hostility" comes only from the DJ). This is not even a battle for the brand, since Apollinare never express desire to join NSR, not because he dislike them, no, the reason why, he already has so much to do: To maintain the opera house, his parents' mansion, while they are away, all the maids and butlers, their salary, train ballet dancers, his orchestra - he doesn't need additional duty in the form of District.

THE REASON WHY THEY(Only DJ actually, it's not mutual) DONT GET ALONG IS...... that he can conduct the stars. Imagine: You are a DJ, come home after you gave a concert and interacted with these P*lutonians, you decided to look through your telescope, admire the sky, make your scientific notes there and then

.

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All the stars in the sky are twitching in a cartoon disgusting way, or vice versa, smoothly, but still too fast, with the risk of colliding and exploding.

And you know who's to blame

This

Starhead

Asshole

Decided to practice his Vivaldi or whoever in the starry sky again, disturbing the order!

And then......

.....Bro got so mad that he sent a live message through 3 DISTRICTS HELP(Apollinare lives in Natura)

Temptation to show middle finger to this conductor is high.

The reason for disliking number 2

Gifts

Apollinare is a person of a different upbringing, so he doesn't see the problem in giving a magnificent bouquet as a sign of appreciation(He often gaining them after his performances)

......But some people see (But if he sponsored the launch of a satellite, it would be a different matter)

You think nothing else can get worse for DJ? ha! You're wrong! Once Apollinare asked one of his ballet pupils what kind of bouquet he could gift, listing the flowers and their meaning..... And they jokingly offered to gift food bouqet.

Apollinare did not understand the joke and SEARCHED "CREATING FOOD BOUQUET SERVICE" ON THE INTERNET, ORDERED IT AND GIFTED A BOUQUET OF ICE DODO POPS, HELP, THIS GUY.....

(Y'all, admit you envy Subatomic right now)

Subatomic could refused, but..... Do you really think that he would refuse such a bouquet? Even if an enemy gave him this one, he wouldn't have the heart to throw it away.

Remember, I said that the main reason for dislike is that Apollinare wreaked havoc in the night sky? Forget AND BEHOLD: TRUE REASON TO DISLIKE APOLLO

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Height

Even if Apollinare takes off his shoes and the DJ stays in his and does not take off his hood, the conductor will remain taller.(But I'm a lazy ass and forgot to redraw Pollo, he's head so tiny there😭😭😭)

(I swear, he is higher)

As a result, Apollinare unknowingly stole everything from him: His space(thankfully not personal), his height, his bitches.

NEVERTHELESS, Apollinare never cease to admire the DJ's music and theme, and although he still cannot get to any of his live concerts (Work does not spare poor Pollo ;-;), he enjoys watching streams recorded by other people.

NOW ABOUT RATIO

Ratio isn't related to Apollinare, however, he also admires her, although her theme includes not only space(but mainly). She has a cute, cartoonish, soulful vibes, like in "Bee and Puppycat." (She even speaks like PC when she is wearing a helmet)

In the mentioned art, Sayu was drawn as a cute detail, Ratio herself is not close to any EDM megastars(she afraid of them all), nevertheless, these two like to chatting online sometimes (this is the one and only method of communication that does not make Ratio panic)

Ratio also chatting a bit with Eloni, Eve(suprisingly huh???) and Tatiana (Ratio chatting with Tati more about business things or asking for help//advice)

I HOPE I ANSWERED EVERYTHING CLEARLY AND THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SO MANY QUESTIONS, I'M OVERWHELMED IN A GOOD WAY AHAHAHAHAHAH *Dead*

[laugtherhyena]

Continuing the relationship chart grind, look at how many goddamn arrows and multiple colors this bitch has. I wouldn't expect anything less form Mrs.Weird woman here.

Much like last time, check this post first if you're new here so you know who is who in this mess.

As an evil spiteful nurse most of Catherine's chart is composed of varying levels of dislike. While John is the only one with the hartred color all through the only reason she hates him that much if because he tries to kill her on day 1 morning, if it wasn't for that she really wouldn't have much opinion in the guy. Amos is actually the person she hates the most out of the whole cast, pretty much by default, since he is a priest and Catherine despises anything and everything related to religion or cultists or magic. Partially because the family that abused her for a good part of her life was heavily religious so she associates the practices and devotion with them, but also because she prides herself in her work a lot and feel as if using magic for things, especially healing, is incredibly lazy and requires no real skill or ability. Seeing people be able to grow entite limbs back in some rituals while the best she can do is stitch them back up makes her feel worthless and she hates that more than anything, it's a blow to the ego, what more can i say.

That's literally the whole reason she has such a bone to pick with Amos because if she stopped being an asshole for one and learned how he was forced to become a dark preist and actually dislikes that heavily I'm sure she wouldn't dislike him that much. But she'll never take time off her day to be around him unless absolutely necessary, so that's not happening.

She dislikes Kit for basically the same reason as Amos, tho his less bad because his main god isn't All-mer (the one her family devoted themslves to the most, which is also the church kind Amos was a part of) + seeing him be an absolute outcast and lacking even a basic knowledge of how it is to be normal and a part of society due to the cult he grew up in validates her beliefs that cultists are just deranged people who will ruin their own lives in favor of devoting themselves to a god that doesn't care for them. She pities him, but that pity isn't enough to make her feel genuinely bad for the guy, she will just be a dick that glares at him from the sinelines and find some form of twisted enjoyment from seeing him suffer because of his ties to the wolfmasks.

On a similar note of dislike mixed with weird feelings we have Lola, who is an odd one out in her humongous hate list because Catherine tens to have a soft spot for women who had harsh upbringing and/or grew up in poverty because she also went through hell while growing up, while Lola did have a pretty harsh life that is ironically a factor in why Cathetine dislikes her so much.

She sees herself in her, as they were both essentially forced to become houseworkers from a young age for one reason or another. But since Lola never tried to change that status or pursue genuine passions she had in life, bending to other's wills and becoming incredibly submissive as an adult because of that, Catherine absolutely loathes her because in her eyes she's looking at the kind of person she could very well have become if she didn't take certain paths in life and she hates that so so much, tho the "I relate to you heavily" keeps her from despising this girl in the same way she does with John and Amos. And hey, i do think that in certains situations she may be kind with her for once, there's just a heap of weird feelings and (self) hate involved.

Continuing on the dislike section we have Claire and really the main reason she dislikes her is because at the start of termina Claire follows her around trying to see if she can overhear any news about Kaiser's supposed plan of invading Prehevil, Catherine is from his army after all and if she's there Claire believes she can maybe check if those rumors hold true. Naturally, Cathy dislikes being stalked, which is made worse by the fact that Claire takes pictures of her around town (Catherine hates her appearance) which in turn leads to Cathy destroying her camera in a bit of a squabble during day 1 morning.

The thing is that this dislike can turn into gratitude and slight respect if Claire is the one to find and listen to her in the bop's hideout during day 1 night (which is Cathy's recruiting event), so much so that she is the only one of the playable characters of who Catherine will tell that she was indeed sent to Prehevil to scout the place and report when would be the best time for the army to invade it + how now she plans on calling them to come anyway so that they can be killed by the moonscorches as a revenge of sorts since by this point she believes Kaiser send her there to die (essentially saying she is disposable and you bet she hated that idea a lot).

Lastly we have Addison and Matyas who are in the dislike/intrigue mixture for basically the same reason of Catherine finds them incredibly annoying and can't stand being around them, Addison because of how paranoid and scaredy he becomes when termina starts and Matyas for his delusional ramblings and scaredy cat-ness as well.

Onto the neturals we have Hilda and Anatol who she really doesn't hold much of an opinion on. Hilda doesn't talk to her and she won't bother going after her either but she does find Anatol tolerable, mainly because he is Ebba's boyfriend and she likes both Ebba and Mary for the previously mentioned soft spot she has for girls who grew up in terrible environments. Tho i would say she likes Mary a bit more than she likes Ebba because she finds her ability to keep on living/fighting despite being incredibly injured impressive from a medical standpoint + Ebba taking advantage of Mary upsets her a little.

Lastly we got the Vinson brothers which are a source of intrigue to her because Cathy never had a good or even normal relationship with her sister so she likes observing the two out if wondering if that's how siblings are actually meant to be, she can tell that despite arguing and butting heads quite often both Damian and Leslie care a lot for one another which is something she finds both sweet and saddening because Madeline has never had this form of genuine care for her even after she started being nice to her.

While she is somewhat similar to Damian due to both of them being very no-nonsense sort of people who focus on their goals above most other things, they don't actually get along that well? They will work fine if they're sticking together for survival but if left on their own devices they will probably just never talk because Damian finds her sketchy/suspicious/potentially dangerous and since Cathy can tell he looks at her weirdly she will act accordingly.

Leslie on the hand is the person she likes the most out of the entire cast, surprisingly because i feel at first glance she didn't thought much of him and only really started interacting with him out of being curious about the brothers. A handful of the things he'd say to her confused her immensely because she could not tell he was trying to show interest in her out of never having had anyone come towards her with that sort of intention, when he did make that clear with some kind of straightforward compliment it also confused her a lot but more as a form of denial of sorts.

Catherine is really funny to because she will be a spiteful power hungry asshole that is some level of rude to basically everyone she knows on a daily basis but she will crumble into an emotional mess the second someone reasures her that she is not an eyesore. Physical appearance is Catherine's deepest insecurity both due to the scars on her face and her body shape in general, so the idea that another person can like it let alone find her attractive is absolutely mind boggling to her. Knowing Leslie likes her that much makes her incredibly flustered but also drawn to him more and more through the festival since she longs to be loved even if Cathy herself would never admit it. (This isn't to say he only likes her for the looks tho, what made him set his eyes on her was Catherine being creepy and weird)

[perilus]

Hi Tina,

Do you have many friends in your physical life and do you go on social outings often? I yearn for close female friendships but it’s feels like such a struggle to get close to people these days. I used to have quite a few female friends when I was younger but I found myself being unable to relate to them the older I got. Many of them see the world in a very male centered way and don’t share the same interests as I do. I see so many cool girls (such as yourself) on tiktok who like antiques and books and fantasy and I want to find people like that in real life so badly :/

Sorry for the rant. I just wonder if people like you have fulfilling friendships/ a vibrant social life. If it’s just me that struggles to find likeminded community. I fear I will be stuck yearning for friendship and adventure from my bedroom forever. Also I miss your content on TikTok so much will you ever start posting again? Like other people have stated I find so much comfort in your posts.

Thank you reading this long winded post if you do and blessings to you always ❤️

Hi :)

I'm sorry to disappoint, but I don't have many friends (any...friends...) in my physical life. All of my friends are online. All 2-ish of them.

I don't go to social outings ever. I also yearn for fulfilling friendships and a vibrant social life. I've always wanted to feel included, but so far, that hasn't been the case.

Sorry to hear that the women you've met haven't learned to de-center men from their lives, but I'm sure you'll meet some friends someday who share similar interests as you! Because you are proof of the friendship you crave, because you exist. :)

I think my friend-less life could be traced back to my strict upbringing, courtesy of my helicopter-parents. I've always been very lonely. I'm 24 and I too am still stuck yearning for friendship and adventure.

No need to apologize for your rant though! I'm always happy to receive messages here. And as for Tiktok, I sort of took a break from posting. I don't even know why. I just didn't feel like creating or being seen? I don't know. I've been kind of sad lately lol. I should start posting again to get my creative gears back running.

Thank you for reading MY longwinded response! hahaha.

Much love to you, kind stranger! <3

[sunbearsophia]

"... forgot about this picture. I... I'm sorry, Ma. I love you, too."

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YEAH SORRY I KNOW IT'S BEEN A HOT MINUTE SINCE I'VE POSTED HERE LEMME CATCH UP WITH SOME OF MY TWITTER ARTWORK-

But yeah, I drew this for Mother's Day, because I have so many thoughts about Eduardo's mom that I don't discuss nearly as much as I should, so here's some lil tidbits about her and her relationship with her son.

So, here's some hcs about Emilia I had written down and then some!

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She was born and spent her formative years in Coatzacoalcos, and while her upbringing wasn't the best, she always had a huge spot in her heart for port towns and the ocean. She always wanted to take Eduardo to her hometown one day, but never got the chance to do so. (Eduardo probably thinks about going himself one day, since she always talked about it.)

She grew up kind of always feeling like she needed to compete, thanks to a less than warm and loving home life. Her father left when she was young and her mother always seemed to prefer her older siblings over her, and nothing she could do ever seemed to be good enough, which was why she moved to the States as soon as she could. (part of what drew her to alejandro in the first place was the assumption, the hope that she didn't need to compete for his affections, and it's why she avoided having any other kids aside from eduardo, and never let him believe he wasn't good enough or that he ever needed to prove himself to her, he would always be Numero Uno to her <3)

She was actually a really accomplished dancer, and while she never got to pursue her passions, mostly needing to work at any job that would have her ESPECIALLY once she got pregnant with eduardo and got hitched to alejandro, she never gave up that passion and passed on what she knew to eduardo. she was also absolutely a very outdoorsy kinda gal and enjoyed more physically active hobbies, but adored her son's art passions and supported him every step of the way, compared to the bastard who did not do that at all

Is generally a very nice and friendly person, but is a lot more reserved than she would like to admit, and tends to avoid help like the plague by the time she gets to london, not trusting that people have her and her son's best interests at heart (fortunately, her surrogate mother quickly dispelled those fears qwq)

speaking of which, she and grandmado aren't blood-related, so neither are grandmado and eduardo, but she took emilia and eduardo in when they needed a place to stay by chance (maybe emilia's new apartment had the wrong key, her car broke down while she was trying to drive her son to a hotel, and ultimately the older lady was more than happy to let them stay as long as they needed) and before any of them knew it, grandmado quickly became the grandmother eduardo never had but always needed, which made emilia beyond grateful and attached to the older woman, in turn seeing her as the mom her own mother wasn't really, and the two of them became the best things to ever happen to grandmado

emilia absolutely loved her son more than she ever loved anything in the entire universe. she carried so much guilt throughout her life for not leaving alejandro sooner and the way eduardo's life was prior to moving to london, but she always did everything she could to shield her son from him, and did everything in her power to give him a happy life, before and after leaving, and gave everything she had so that her baby boy could be happy. he was her little Numero Uno, and even if she always felt he deserved a better mother, she did everything she could to be the mother he deserved

same thing for eduardo, he adored his mamá, she was his whole world as a kid and did everything he could to make her proud. he always felt the safest and happiest when she was around, and was constantly making art for her and letting her know she was the greatest. (emilia had all of eduardo's either displayed or saved in a safe place, everything her baby made, she made sure he knew how proud of him she was for them)

as you can probably guess with all the past tense, however, she unfortunately never got to watch him grow up, and eduardo unfortunately at to face losing his beloved mother at only twelve years old, one of the most, if not the most, traumatic moments of his life. he was genuinely a sweet and happy kid prior to losing her, but after that... he was really depressed, angry and heartbroken, and it lead him a lot into the person he eventually became. his mom wasn't there to remind him of his self-worth, and his father basically made him feel like he had none, so he dedicated himself to being better than others to feel like there's worth to be had anymore.

he and grandmado made sure to save all of his mother's belongs after she passed, but eduardo wanted to keep a lot of it in storage as a teenager, the wound still fresh and all he wanted was to bury it and not be reminded she wasn't there anymore. as an adult, he's tried to train himself to be numb to what happened and not think about it, but her passing and, well, her in general, remains a touchy subject for him for YEARS, and when he finally does start looking through her old stuff as an adult... a lot of the tears he'd been fighting back for so many years finally end up spilling.

eventually, he does come to terms with such a huge loss at such a young age, and while it will always hurt that she's no longer there, it becomes easier for him to talk about with time and with those he trusts. eventually, he even ends up naming him and laurel's first kid after her grandmother, and finds himself able to talk to his children about their abuela without crying... much

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Def more art to come, sorry for the infrequent uploads, everyone! <3

[fluffypotatey]

hiiiiiii thinking abt how mei was super uncomfortable with the idea of mk visiting her house and all of the "normal kid stuff" she wasn't allowed to do and how she and mk share a lot of traits but only the ones that mei's parents wouldn't have approved of. mks literally like. the parts of her she doesnt want to bring home

HEYO! forgive me, i was asleep then had to get to class. also, i wanted to give myself time to actually talk about this because yeah

*pulls you down* listen, listen to me, until 1x03, MK had never even been inside Mei's house. he even states how he "always wanted to see inside Mei's Secret Dragon House," and Mei housesitting the place is the perfect opportunity for him to see what lies inside. AND! if you notice!!!

SHE IS SHOWN TO BE VERY UNCOMFY AT MK JUST SPECULATING WHAT "SECRETS" ARE HIDING IN THERE. INVITING MK WOULD BE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT HER PARENTS ASKED HER TO DO!

but MK is so curious and he's her best friend and he might also just sneak in without her knowing.....so maybe she'll indulge him. housesitting is a lot better with friends than on your own.

anyway, if we go further into the episode, we see a Mei that is very different to our chaotic and confident gal. she's closed-in, cautious, nervous. unlike before, Mei is the one warning others not to touch things, to be careful, and to stay put. in previous episodes, we see her goofing off and being a little gremlin with MK while Pigsy blows a fuse over their antics.

not here though. this is her home. her clan's home. her clan's home full of ancestral heirlooms that she's been told all her lie to keep away from and not touch. respect your family and family tree is very important in Chinese culture (and many other Asian cultures but we're focusing just on one). even the language has different forms of formalities with addressing people (whether in the business environment, home, or school). but this is a very general observation, and i'm sure there are others who can talk about this a lot better.

however, Mei's family is very important to her character, so i will be discussing how it relates to her and her own decisions. on her own, Mei is very free-spirited and is more of a "punch first ask questions later" kind of person. when it comes to her family though, Mei is a lot more toned down and thinks first before acting. she is very aware of the priceless artifacts kept in her home (which is one factor on why she is nervous about inviting MK), and watching how she went about her home was like she was walking on eggshells. she doesn't want to upset and disappoint her parents.

additionally, Mei comes from a very well-off family. she is a part of the Western Sea Dragon clan. her ancestor is Ao Lie, the dragon-horse of the JTTW companions. why am i telling you things you already know? because it shows that Mei's family comes with a lot of history and recognition ("ancient noble dragons," as Mei had said). and with that, comes with the clan wanting to appear respectable in front of others. with such a high status, it is best to look the part, no?

however, Mei isn't really someone who fits into that noble lady box, right? she's outspoken, she's rowdy, she's impulsive. Mei even admit that as a kid she wished to do "normal girl stuff," stuff that wouldn't work out when your house is more of a museum than a home. i'm sure she did try to fit into that box for the good of her parents, but at some point, you come to the realization that that box will never fit you. Mei will never be perfectly noble or have the noble decorum that comes with her upbringing. she will never fit that ideal her parents raised her on (this is an assumption but also, it feels like a given?)

MK is the exact opposite of what Mei was taught to be proper. he is rowdy, likes to have fun, play video games, "roughs and tumble," and be impulsive. he is someone Mei definitely saw as the part of her she could never show her parents. how could they ever accept the side of her that does not care for strict decorum and keeping a house as a museum.

read this excerpt from her mom:

"We may not always see eye to eye, and your friends are...em, unique than we expected. But you are a part of this family, and it is part of you."

ignoring the incredibly sweet ending T^T the mother admits that Mei and her parents do have issues agreeing on what's best for Mei. there is love very clearly shown for between Mei and her parents, but there is still that distance between them. Mei is not the daughter they expected, and they don't always approve of her choices (her friends for example). so, we can figure that Mei is absolutely nervous about how her parents will feel about MK and whether that means they would stop loving her if she ever let down her walls in front of them completely.

[faithfromanewperspective]

the western sydney work ethic, mental health, burnout, inequality and ableism

inspired by ashton irwin on artist friendly with joel madden and 17902 sustainable urban development at the university of technology sydney

I’ve teased the idea of writing this post for a while now, and now I’m sitting in my borrowed bed in Sydney with the graphs and maps from my course still at the back of my eyelids and still processing the Vibes of catching up with my childhood friends and wondering if it’s too early to go to bed if the sun’s still up—it’s time to let it out. Because I found a bunch of seemingly unrelated things and put them together in a way that helped me process my upbringing and the way it’s positioned me as I go through life even now.

For background of this post, the Greater Sydney metropolis has a very stark rich/poor divide, where a large strip from the west going to the south of the city have been left behind in a variety of ways. In my uni course I see the maps on income, education level, job overqualification, crime, violence… they’re nice and set out, and they validate what I already intuitively knew—just like everyone who grew up in the area I’m going to refer to vaguely as Western Sydney. These graphs put words to something I’ve lived when I was too young to process it, something I hear the impacts of in 5 seconds of summer’s songs like I’ve never seen in any other art ever.

I know many people relate too and I don’t want to say you have to be from Western Sydney to get it. There are plenty of other places with similar trends, but this strip of suburbs, half a city, is where I grew up and the case study I’m going to use for the phenomenon I’m going to describe in this post.

Having spent the last decade and a bit in a more conservative, more sheltered area of suburban Brisbane, where people take it slow and at least attempt to have fun without getting completely wasted; where people have high expectations for their lives and livelihoods they never quite meet and where they’re the kind of emotionally aware that you hear all about how stressful that experience is: this was the backdrop of my teens and young adult years to this point. It’s where I learned about mental health and neurodivergence and ableism and where I really explored what faith and spirituality is to me. It’s where I never quite felt comfortable when people were too polite, where I poured all the belief they had in me as a gifted kid plonked into that environment I wasn’t native to into the delusion that I could deconstruct the unequal education system of their own creation if I only worked harder than anyone had ever worked before. Then they would finally listen. It’s where I tried and tried to get help for my mental health and wasn’t listened to either, not when I presented so well and was simply unable to unmask until I was unable to mask at all. Where the slightest bit of hope caused me to forget everything that was hurting me, making it a struggle to work through even to this day. where I wondered if I was some superhuman for the fact that I can work my ass off without even realising it’s hard work, a smile on my face and arms open for connection as always (the mark of health they say) while being desperately unwell, hurting, thinking I had it good compared to some of the people I’d see crumple under the pressure, I should be kind to them (not understanding why I found them so, so relatable).

I am not a freak of nature, or superhuman, though I am neurodivergent and twice-exceptional. I am the product of my upbringing and my ancestors. I carry generations of culture from hectares of foreign lands my ancestors made their homes on (ethically questionably in some cases I do acknowledge) and became part of the ecosystem of. It is, like most difference, a gift and a curse. Something that makes certain measures of ableism not apply to me, but creates others in their place. I’ll get into this more later.

in the strip of suburbs united by demographics we call Western Sydney, farmers from the notoriously difficult land of the Murray-Darling and immigrants from everywhere on the planet, some Indigenous but few Indigenous to Australia, make up classrooms, neighbourhoods, workplaces. Think I Am Australian by The Seekers, but just the verses, as a snapshot of some of the stories representative of the people. Interwoven in the landscape. We celebrated Harmony Day on the 21st of March in my primary school. Everyone had a different cultural background. We heard different languages spoken on the street. There were stereotypes. There were scared people trying to find their tribe, build a life in Australia, away from the larger scale farms, get their kids a good education to do a trade or go to university. Fear and angst and hurt coexisting with an appreciation of the juxtaposition of others you’d never head admitted out loud. But the second verse of the Australian national anthem was written just for us, or might as well have been. Beneath our radiant southern cross, we’ll toil with hearts and hands… google the lyrics, you’ll get it, you’ll see why I wish the rest of Australia did too: for those who’ve come across the seas, we’ve boundless plains to share, with courage let us all combine to advance Australia fair…

No one with the power to acknowledge this I interact with these days remembers the second verse. Except 5 Seconds Of Summer, in their ridiculous little promo videos, who I’d bet the rubble that’s left of my parents’ old house as the new owners turn it into a mansion because Gentrification, have no idea of what a meaningful gesture that is.

I can feel the wounds of being torn from the good parts of that experience closing over. And so it’s time to give the often forgotten stories on an often forgotten piece of land that made me and also these four wonderful humans who we are today, the credit it deserves. Start by telling our stories.

One thing I love about Artist Friendly is it cuts straight to it. Joel Madden is just incredible like that—in a world coming out of the 2010s pop decade of dancing while the room is on fire (bloodhound, 5sos) put your rose coloured glasses on and party on (Katy Perry’s chained to the rhythm) (these I would consider more analytical quotes of the era, one whose vibe was ‘forget all the pain in the world, let’s party and sing about how horny we are’ which for all my cynicism I did find fun)—he kept up his punk edge, kept investing in new musicians, searching for and investing in what’s real. He also really loves Australia, and when you put our underdog-supporting attitude next to Good Charlotte’s songs you understand why. Anyway, the episode pretty much opens by him asking Ashton about his background, and relating from the perspective of working-class-emotionally-unavailable/immature-parents-who-showed-their-love-through-provision-and-really-did-try-to-be-there-but-had-none-of-the-resources. I like the positive take. It’s high time we stop being classist and ableist towards the people who’ve met our needs as much as they were able, but it still wasn’t enough. Who taught us how to take opportunities, work to prove our worth, and through it all couldn’t even afford therapy.

I used to think my family was rich because we lived in Australia and my parents had gone to university. Never mind the fact that I was born when they were barely older than I am now. Never mind the mould in the walls or sneaky Tuesday night washing of the school uniforms in the summer when we got sweaty and there weren’t any spares or the mismatched bargain bin clothes we wore or the bedroom I shared with my sisters. I knew the people I compared us to. And now I do really believe if I’d grown up a bit less frugal or even a few k’s out of the area I did I wouldn’t be who I am. I wouldn’t have the perspectives I have, nor would this podcast episode have me feeling so seen. Like, yes I lived a bit further into the city than these guys, close to the train line without any farmland where the house values shot up seemingly overnight and meant the area I grew up in is experiencing a very weird disparity as two cities collide within it today. But we grew up in the same era in western sydney, we grew up loved and knowing that was a privilege and we grew up knowing from a very young age we had to spend our whole lives working hard if we wanted life to be manageable and we better be polite and better not ask for too much.

yet we also grew up with hurt. From the trauma we inherited from our caregivers as we encountered the attitudes and fears with which they faces the world. From what we saw our peers go through much too young to be able to draw boundaries with the empathy we felt too much of and understood nothing of. From broken family relationships that were all too common. From religion that hurting people used to cause or at least stagnate hurt instead of healing.

when I was burning out and struggling as an unrecognised neurodivergent I used to wonder why my father would place such value on the Protestant work ethic when Jesus died exactly so we wouldn’t have to strive. And I acknowledge that the PWE is harmful to many disabled folk or literally anyone who has experienced the demands of life and had their stress invalidated for it. Including myself. But never having the expectation of a life of ease and luxury? I do appreciate that. It’s given me a whole different metric for how I view life, one none of my friends except those who are from those years of my life understand. No one in Brisbane or my online international friends seem to get it. But I’m sure when you see yourself in this post, that some of you will (we might be the largely unheard minority but I’m sure we exist. Joel Madden is proof of that). It’s given me a differently calibrated emotional pain scale in many ways. Different standards for when the warning lights come on (and I’m very perceptive of angst and disappointment and always see them in others to be worse than they are because of it). And when I look at everything this band has accomplished, I know it’s the same for them.

I have spent a lot of time these last years advocating for neurodivergent acceptance. I’ve done so in a way that made sense of the decade previous, of existing in a world of inequality I’ve always been so sensitive to and of expectations that I took on as opportunities (because what else have I been trained to do)? And yet so much of it is about funding and resources. And when there isn’t that? You make room for my favourite thing ever: grassroots, unofficial but beautifully organic loving neurodivergent affirmation. Plenty of rural folks, my grandparents included, hate labels, prefer focusing on strengths and equipping young people based on those than accommodating difficulties. They’re often seen as conservative, bigoted, ableist, and some of them are. But they bring with them an important lesson about how to live with the realities of the economy that they struggle in too, too much to support someone else. They don’t have the same impossible expectations of their neurodivergent progeny and protegees and community members that many who hold in their heads an idea of perfection they hope to bring to their families do (the kind of things sometimes only a diagnosis can free someone from, and nothing from the memory and shame of) and that—that is an important attitude for all of us to have.

Some people are unconventionally neurodivergent affirming while knowing none of the terms, or maybe trying to hold off using them because of the same economic and confidence reasons I’ve tried to unpack. Some rely on simple kindnesses and explanations that centre around possibility, and go nowhere near deficit. Some people know intuitively or through hard life lessons themselves (usually the latter) the value of stripping all but essentials from the functionality of everyday life. Not making it any harder than it is.

Of course you can drum on the tables in math class. My son is a musician, I get how it is.

Liz Hemmings is the only valid neurodivergence parent—I’ll say no more, it is how it is

Sometimes when we advocate for things we have to be aware that the way the dominant in-power often wealthy culture has figured it out isn’t always the best way to do things. Environmentalism is a prime example of this. This is why we need brown environmentalism and to decolonise and listen to our Indigenous stewards and share power.

You can take a lot of lessons from a place that’s as culturally diverse as Western Sydney. And you can see how a work ethic is facilitated, rather than gatekept. You can see why Ash, when asked by Joel if he’s scared of every getting back to that life (ref to poverty) his attitude is actually one of gratitude and almost reverence for the place that shaped him, that brought the band together and everything that came from that point forwards. That shaped their attitude and birthed the grit that got them through being on tour with one direction and I don’t think he said it but in Ash’s case I bet the empathy he has for the fans and the way he just wants to connect and create a fun experience but also one where we’re deeply seen by moving songs is because he knows what it’s like for so many people. You can’t not if you grew up like we did. You can see why Luke at any chance will say ‘we’re from Sydney Australia’. It has a way of sticking to you, the rich culture that’s a patchwork of orphaned cultures, the way everyday life is like one of those adventures you emerge from with strong bonds usually only found in fantasy novels. You can see that the band is proof that those bonds exist in real life.

after a decade and a bit pretending I know what leisure is and how to have fun without Bad Angst I’m glad that this proof is still in my life. I’ve still got close friends from primary school and few can boast that (we might not quite be Calum and Michael in that regard, but they still have other friends from primary who they’ve kept in touch with despite geographical separation as I have).

Now I’ve acknowledged this and traced the strings that are much easier to see when my own life is mirrored in a podcast episode, maybe I can find the good among the cultural dysphoria in the circles I do have in Brisbane, and do value still for what they are even if they’re not quite the same. Now that I can see how a world of too many opportunities and not enough freedom can burn someone out who came from this background, with the type of brain that flourishes on being a latchkey kid and sketchy hangouts with deep conversations and questionable substances but crumples under expectation and too much choice and politeness, I can put my life back together in a way that validates who I am and where I come from, rather than what those around me tell me should be good for me.

as, I can tell by this interview, these guys have. I want to be able to talk about suffering without people acting like it shouldn’t be something we can comfortably say out loud, as Ashton does here and through music. My art isn’t quite the same, but the purpose behind it is so, so similar. I relate a lot to the importance he places on spirituality, even if I’ve tried to do something with Christianity that it, in the mainstream at least, isn’t built for and probably can only partially do on its own. Maybe the epitome of humility is being able to learn from other religions and see them as gifts from God even as, and I include Christianity here as well, anything can be dangerous if used in a way that it wasn’t meant for: anything with power to heal has power or hurt too. I’ve got so much respect for how Ash does it. I think this episode really cemented for me that, and I feel like it’s something we as a fandom don’t talk about enough because of their characterisation (and fair enough, if you’re famous you don’t want people dissecting every part of you, and I’m not going to do that just give a generalised compliment): these guys are so incredibly resilient and intelligent and invested in creating healing and they’re really fucking good at it. They might present themselves as goofs with one braincell that create bops and fan over other celebrities as if they themselves aren’t famous too, but so much of that is humility and them baring themselves in ways that are sustainable and really emotionally mature (for the most part) to be relatable to us as fans and invest in making that connection genuine. They’re not pretending, because they understand how it is to be human.

and you don’t get there by being some sort of Untouchable Philosophical Genius Figure. you get there because you’ve lived in community and you’ve survived hard things because of other people who’ve done similar and created authentic art too. You get there often because you have to: because putting on a fake show and doing stuff for likes and popularity was never going to work and will only screw you up in the long run and you’re worldly enough to see that from a young age and learn from your own intuition and empathy and experiences. You get there because you lived your whole life being resourceful and being street smart and doing what it takes to make good decisions and invest in yourself (who else do you have who’s worth more than that) and your future. Doing what it takes to make sure you’re alive to learn how to do better at things you’re behind in that might keep food on the table in the future, because there’s none of that oh-it-won’t-happen-to-me attitude. That part is very sustainable which I love. I also really really relate to it and have found it something I would get complimented on when I was younger, too young to be so mature. But I never attributed it to myself. I knew somehow, abstractly, I was disabled and nearing my limit and everything I do I did so I could survive. It’s the western Sydney work ethic.

and yet this often beautiful phenomenon has its ugly side. If you know you’re neurodivergent even without the words—more often than not the only people you see who you relate to are those who didn’t make it, who fell off the horse of functionality and into things like addiction and other things that exacerbate the inability to empower yourself. You figure that when you’re honest with yourself you’ll be dead by 25. Sometimes you give up on trying to prevent that and wonder if it’s even worth it to attempt to keep going: is your life really worth that effort?? What I’ve described is a combination of the experiences of many people I know, aspects of it are mine, and aspects mirror things I know these guys have mentioned about themselves (I’m going to leave it at that vague level of detail). You wonder why people believe in you, is it only because any other option is unmentionable? But what if you let them down like you know (fear) you will? And burnout is the epitome of this: the need to let go of trying. And without a decent amount of privilege it’s impossible to return from.

I’ve been there and scrounged at straws of privilege I do have, pretending I’m doing my job to the level that others expect while letting go of every expectation I have on myself. Still problem solving outside every box on how to get back on my feet because I know nothing else, radically accepting that I might not and whittling down all my needs in life to the most essential, that I might still survive even at my limited and diminishing capacity. While always relating to those our society sees as failures. I’ve borrowed from other cultures that aren’t my own to have a stubborn sense of worth while trying to keep afloat in a society and economy that says it’s conditional. My spirituality comes in here, as do my problem-solving skills: again, maybe this culture fears burnout more than anything, but maybe it has half a toolkit on how to get out of it. Only half. I have to pair it with what I learn from others too.

and even through that, I’m immensely privileged to have savant skills and a generally able body. Just like when you make it big as a musician you’re privileged by that. Against a backdrop of I’m-nothing-special. I’ve always struggled with questions of my felt worth, because I’m so conscious of my privilege and ability that sometimes I get the two muddled (though I know my ability doesn’t define my worth in things I do poorly at, and my persistence technically doesn’t either but I’ll be damned if I don’t try and try and actually find doing badly more validating of how I see myself than when I do well, so I chase it again and again, my dad is the same, it’s what makes us so adventurous). I understand the consciousness of things that are going well not lasting, and pouring creativity for new ventures into things like selling candles. Instead of letting achievements make me believe I’m someone more important than I am, using them as ways of giving myself space to do whatever’s next, dial off the pressure a little bit.

I understand appreciating others’ sensitivity and the social capital they bring everywhere rather than their material wealth or achievement and when Ash praised Calum for that and said it made him look bad I felt that. Both the experience of being that counter-cultural person who doesn’t give a shit about money but values connection so, so much more (and from all I’ve written, you can see why, can’t you) to still never being able to be as good a person as I see the need for in the world.

I understand missing family and constantly grieving that, as I weigh up the city of my childhood with the friends and culture I love versus the city of my youth with my feathered family who are my children and who I hate to miss birthdays of and the like, same goes for my sisters and parents and grandparents, the way Ashton, the only band member with younger siblings, hates missing all their milestones too. I feel privileged that Brisbane and Sydney are so close to each other and nothing in my life is as far as Los Angeles. I understand the nostalgia for Sydney. This whole post is proof of it.

I understand the unbreakable bonds between people who make this kind of art together. I understand putting disagreements on the back burner and realising the connection through writing is so much bigger and the connection can overcome whatever is going wrong. Heck, I feel privileged to understand and relate to how such brilliant brains work (nature: neurodivergence I won’t go any further into as well as nurture) as well as the environment that made them what they are.

all my life I’ve longed for that kind of community and connection I’ve seen largely in fiction, sometimes between people in real life. And I think having written this analysis (it’s taken me til my bedtime or later) I do have all the ingredients there. All the ability to make it, both in the practical way I relate to and am there for my friends and whatever I do in my silver bridges tag. In the neighbourhoods I eventually design that foster communities with all the good parts I’ve described but without the inequality and minimal poverty and hurt and violence. To everyone who’s shown me these things in myself that are so worth working for and I know I’m not savantly immediately good at, I am so so incredibly grateful. the city as a whole. My family and friends. The celebrities I grew up nearby and those who invest in people like them. People like me. May I keep investing in people: people like you. because what is humility but knowing there’s always something to learn, and what will bring all of us forward but learning it and putting it into practice in love and empathy that drives a grit that no amount of striving for striving’s sake can manufacture?

[ryuichirou]

Hi Ryu!I really like your art! I hope it's not a very personal question, but is there any character that you find relatable? I hope you have a great day! 💚

Hi Anon! Thank you so much for liking my art, I really appreciate it! <3

And don’t worry about the personal question, I don’t mind answering that. In fact, we did have a post about twst characters that I find the most relatable, but apparently it was half a year ago (yikes) + I didn’t really elaborate much about them. To be honest, I thought it would be too cringey to read.

But screw that; let’s be a little bit vulnerable.

I’ll start by saying that a lot of twst characters are pretty relatable in general. Once again, Yana is a good writer and conveys characters’ feelings and struggles very nicely, so even if the situation itself isn’t familiar to you, the emotions that characters go through are understandable and easy to “feel”. There are a lot of aspects of Idia’s and Vil’s story that hit on a very personal level, especially the artistic aspect, I guess.

But the ones that I mentioned in my previous posts were these doofuses. Doofusi. Idiots. What a squad, really.

I’ll post the tier-list again so you can admire my mistake in the word “menace”. The tiers are also pretty self-explanatory, but I’ll add something about each of them.

Crowley is here half-jokingly, I can’t say much about him; Kalim is so stupidly relatable at times though that it hurts. His obliviousness that comes from being kind of sheltered and super detached and naive and expecting good things from people is a good source of comedy, but it also made me reflect on some of the things about my own upbringing (no don’t  have that kind of money god I WISH), my relationship with people and frankly my clumsiness lol Katsu always likes to joke about how there are some things that Katsu does but I get credit for, and because of that I always do the “HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT KATSU IS AWESOME” thing. It’s going to be a reoccurring theme in this reply…

The second tier is also the second-most relatable. Sebek is pretty much the way I used to be at his age: he is so FUCKING STUBBORN and so focused on things that he thinks are right and has so little patience for anyone who doesn’t fit these molds, sometimes I genuinely want to choke him because of how annoying he is lol but I also adore him for that. The sheer adoration he feels for the person he admires is also shamefully relatable. There is a lot of Sebek in the adult me as well I guess lol But I at least try to be somewhat open-minded. But the simp in me lives.

And he also lives in me with my kinship with Rook fucking Hunt because this man just gets it. The way he talks about Vil and art and beauty of everyone and everything, I really admire that but also can’t help but nod aggressively whenever he says something. He just cares so much about these things?? It’s so wonderful but also heck yes the colour of leaves is as important of a thing as the shape of your loved one’s calves today. He is also this weird mix of being brutally honest sometimes because he doesn’t always have an easy time having any fucking tact (having no tact and weird relationship with one’s own emotions is also a reoccurring theme here lol), but also finds a way to say something nice when there is nothing nice to be said. I do get in trouble for both of these things sometimes, and even though I try to work on them, I still find it relatable af. But the simping and appreciation of arts is the main thing here lol

Now, Ortho. I wonder how many of you thought that out of the two Shrouds it was Ortho who is more relatable to me lol this is what Ch6 does to a person. Although retroactively, a lot of their vignettes started to hit very close to home too.

The reason why I told in my very old very long Shroud-related shipping post that there are some things about their relationship that I find very relatable is that I do find myself in these situations quite often. There is a person in my life that I love really dearly and that I get very protective of, and I used to be even more protective and get instantly aggressive when I got even a faint idea that someone might think badly of them. Like I mentioned in that post, ”I just don’t want him to be misunderstood” is the line I felt very deeply about. This is kind of a complicated topic, and a more personal one at that, so I won’t dive deeper in this post; let’s keep it more light-hearted. I am also small and cute, so here’s that lol

Speaking of smallness and cuteness, god I wish I had more similarity to Lilia fucking Vanrouge, he is way too awesome. But he also has this aura of protectiveness and wanting better things for someone dear to him that hits close to home; (Now leaving: Wholesome town, Next stop: Cursed city) he also has this aggressive top aura, which is obviously our headcanon for a lot of it, but the way he talks and acts and teases is at the same time admirable and hilarious; Katsu has a lot of “this is just you…” moments with him. But then again, 50% wishful thinking.

Azul has kind of a similar upbringing to me, but he is also super fucking ANNOYING, the vibes I get from him are similar to Sebek’s: a lot of it is stuff that I used to struggle with when I was younger, but I kinda still do. I’m a horrible control-freak and I just know I wouldn’t be able to fly on a fucking broom or ask for help because I would stand there like an idiot and try to do it myself, even though my concentration and overstressing would keep ruining the whole thing. I also work a lot and get excited about things that I can do and make stupid plans and god how much I hate it here (just kidding, I love it, being a control freak is fucking awesome)

The Tweels is just my edgy inner self wanting to be scarier and more intimidating, to be honest, nothing to add here. And Riddle is a dork who doesn’t know how to play videogames, so yeah been there.

Damn it took longer to write than I thought it would lol I hope this wasn’t a tedious read, and please keep in mind that I’m saying a lot of these things half-jokingly.

Thank you for your ask, Anon!

[orpheusilver]

next time you get bored u should answer this ask to talk about your Eric and Morbius ^_^ i love Blade so much so i’m interested in what you have planned so far

hiiiiiiiiiii im procrastinating lol. anyway so you know how this is a hall of mirrors ass story and everybody parallels everybody? yea

sooo eric is the biggest and clearest foil to morgan bc they have.. so much in common. not quite a vampire. trying to atone for times they lost control and killed human people. badass vamp-killing machines. many such cases but the Differences are the funky bit bc on one hand morgan had a like. half-decent upbringing with parents and a house and everything, hes far from stable but the idea of emotional vulnerability isnt totally alien to him. Eric was a very lonely child in a terrible life-threatening situation who grew up into a very lonely adult in a slightly less terrible life-threatening situation.

to be clear eric does have people in his life! its just that theres only 2 of them. he got adopted by his cool butch biker mom whistler as a young teen and theyve been doing the vampire slaying thing ever since, and a few years ago they picked up a hematologist called karen jensen who fell into the "older sister" role. (okay yes like 80% of the blade-related plot was pulled straight from Blade (1998) but ignore that im doing some funky shit with it. okay.) she says shes an uninvolved civilian who provides medical aid since she owes eric a life debt, but this is a lie. shes In the shenanigans.

so like he does have his gay little found family but theres some shit they just dont Get yknow. so then once he does start trusting morgan they get. Very close . Very quickly. hes experiencing previously unknown types of human connection, including being gay in practice and not just in theory! and sure hes kinda avoidant and struggles to open up and express his feelings or establish boundaries but thats ok bc morgan is so anxious about rejection and abandonment that hes very willing to put in tons of work with being vulnerable! theyre meeting somewhere in the middle, they think! morgans only a little bit clingy and always suuuuper apologetic when he crosses those unclear boundaries! surely this is a healthy dynamic that wont collapse catastrophically due to communication problems!

anyway primary foil number 2: peter-man. as in superhero role model / the cooler super-powered role model. like pete always sees morbius as someone who needs to be helped and guided and saved and supported and first and foremost as his Responsibility. eric, at least at first, sees him as a Fucking Threat. to be understood and/or neutralized. and morgan really appreciates that! then eric learns to trust and respect him and they begin this totally-not-dysfunctional partnership of equals, its kinda cute if you ignore that its blatantly barreling towards destruction <3

edit i completely forgot the point of that last paragraph. eric respecting morgan like an equal makes him realize that actually, spider-guy is being kind of a cunt about this and why is he trying to prove himself to that loser anyway hes got a cool goth boyfriend now. he actually tries to earn peters respect by making him recognize him as dangerous which BACKFIRES BADLY lmao bc peter is trying to control morbius' sense of Hero Ethics just as much as hes trying to control who he punches and when, so seeing morgan get scary makes him double down on the "holy shit dont get evil" stuff. which also backfires badly. these dudes are all fucking trainwrecks

[magnetarbeam]

Thinking more about my developing ideas for a Kesselian variant of the Tatooine slave culture of popular fanon, and how I hope to use it in the AU where Kyp gets off Kessel early (although he's a bit older) and ends up as a Rogue Squadron pilot.

Fair warning: This probably will make no sense at all without at least a casual understanding of the stuff that's already out there about that fanon.

I'm thinking that in this AU, Kyp's four years older, so he's Gavin's age. The reason he ended up in the mines was that his parents were protesting the destruction of Alderaan, so I could similarly move his ending up there to pretty soon after that, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't break anything important (Whereas in JAT he's been there eight years by the time Han and Chewie find him in 11 ABY.)

Because my hope is for this to be mainly spun off from X-Wing, there's a payoff I can find in drawing connections between Kyp and other characters who were on Kessel at the same time. Primarily, Lujayne and Inyri Forge.

The idea is that the Forges are acting in the same kind of role as the wise woman who reminds Anakin of his true heritage in the first Double Agent Vader story. They're charged with knowing the stories of the Amavikka, and passing those stories along. In canon, Lujayne mentions having multiple sisters and brothers in her spiel to Corran where she accuses him of thinking less of her because of where she's from and stuff.

I think when Kyp shows up, Lujayne offers the mythical origin story of the Maw, and he hears it. Kyp's ten at this point, so it's not the same as if he was born into it (as Lujayne was), but in a lot of respects one could say he was raised as Amavikka.

The reason why the Maw's origin story is always the first one people hear when they arrive on Kessel is because the Maw is a complete mystery even to people who were brought up with high technology, maybe especially to them. This is an Imperial prison colony, so there would be a lot of people with that kind of upbringing. And those people, who otherwise might dismiss the stories told by the slaves as the pathetic imaginings of poorly educated minds or something like that, are inclined to give them more credit because it's not like they understand this cosmic anomaly any better.

Whether or not Kyp believes the stories - and I think he does, soon enough - he definitely takes heart in one of the most important points of the whole thing:

You own yourself.

Kessel isn't a planet like Tatooine that's been revisited far too often in official Star Wars stories, so there's not an abundance of native/introduced animals that I can use in the myths, nor would there likely be. In FotJ they do talk about some vanishing avian species around the tombs.

Of course, this is related to the version found on Tatooine, so a lot of that would probably cross over.

The fact that they do all their work in total darkness invites so many opportunities for various symbolism. I have yet to have any very distinct ideas for what the stories are.

Anyway, some of the background for this verse is that when they were both on Kessel, Lujayne took a liking to Kyp in particular, and kind of took him under her wing. When she manages to get out, she can't take him as well, so she and Inyri (another relationship I need to flesh out more) do the counterpart to that oath where you mix your own blood with water and sand (does that have a name?) to promise that if Inyri's ever able to escape, she'll get him out with her. This is the context in which Kyp gets out and meets the Rogues.

The local Kessel counterparts to some of the Tatooinian symbolism pose some deep questions. I'm currently thinking that the belief on Kessel is that light is sacred in the perpetual darkness of the mines. Obviously, it's not quite as important as water is in the deserts of Tatooine, but the constant darkness has a huge impact on how they need to develop their senses and stuff. This also means I can make the bogeys have all kinds of meaning.

I don't buy that nobody knew of the energy spiders until JAT.

Most or all of the plot of Wedge's Gamble is probably getting rewritten here anyway. He's not going to join the Rogues until probably towards the end of Krytos Trap, but it is pretty important that he spend a lot of time around some of them before then.

Particularly, I want him and Corran to actually be friends. I don't think that's too hard to believe in this context.

Kyp, at some point: I don't trust Erisi.

Corran: Why not?

Kyp: I don't know. It's just a feeling.

Corran: My father always told me to trust those feelings.

After Corran escapes the Lusankya, Kyp can now share his culture and stuff with him because now Corran's been enslaved.

I have much more to say about this, but I'm sleep-deprived and this is probably going to start being really stupid if I keep going.

[fortressofserenity]

Racist geeks and writers

As I said before about X-Men, even if X-Men may preach against prejudice such a story still has very prejudiced fans. I actually know one who related to the X-Men but is kind of anti-black in some regards, making fun of black people and stuff. They might not even be an isolated example, there could be more of them in the X-Men fandom than one realises. 

It doesn’t help when so many popular X-Men tend to be white, that it sets the tone for how these people see themselves in. Many popular X-Men characters tend to be white and western, so for every Jubilee and Storm there’s a Kate Pryde, Rogue, Emma Frost, Jean Grey and Mystique. For every Bishop, there’s a Scott Summers, Wolverine, Charles Xavier and Nightcrawler.

Did you see a pattern that some of the more popular X-Men tend to be white? To make matters worse, as pointed out by Cheryl Lynn Eaton Storm is divorced from any black culture. She’s even worse than Black Panther because she’s divorced from an actual African culture, especially Kenyan culture at that. Kenya is a real country, you could really go there if you wanted to.

I feel when it comes to a country like Kenya, you should really get the details right to make her better represent herself as such. There are even comic book fans in African countries, so Africans aren’t that ignorant of US superheroes really. But when Storm doesn’t celebrate Boxing Day, that is the day after Christmas in both Britain and former British African colonies like Kenya, this says a lot about how little they know about Kenya.

They don’t even have actual experience with Kenyans to better know what they celebrate, do and practise, to the point where Storm is pretty much a white person’s idea of an African. Not so much Africans as they see themselves as, if you go by comics like Aya de Yopougon though it’s set in Cote D’Ivoire. Even then, I get the impression most X-Men writers aren’t black and African.

Neither are they interested in any real African country and culture, which has the effect of whitewashing Storm a lot arguably until recently. It doesn’t help when Wolverine is X-Men’s biggest breakout character, that it seems easier to bank on the more popular characters (most of them being white) than to take advantage of mutants who come from nonwestern, nonwhite countries like Nigeria and Vietnam.

When it comes to most of the X-Men, especially most popular X-Men members being white and that most X-Men writers tend to be white as well, it makes any attempts at addressing racism and exploring nonwhite cultures really awkward at times. When Kwannon was in Betsy’s body, she wanted somebody to kill her but since she’s Japanese she should’ve killed herself out of dishonour.

Xian Coy Manh might have the potential to have her nation and culture be explored more deeply, though some of the biggest problems behind her is that the writers who portray her neither have experience with Vietnam in any way nor are they interested in Vietnam. Maybe that’s why she comes off as something of an afterthought, though one who really needs a writer of Vietnamese descent to do her right.

As far as I know about Vietnam, it doesn’t use Chinese characters that much anymore. In fact, at this point more Vietnamese people use Latin orthography these days instead, they also celebrate Year of the Cat instead of Year of the Rabbit. Since 2023 is Year of the Cat, I feel Marvel missed an opportunity to showcase covers with Xian hanging out with cats to celebrate that occasion.

The fact that Vietnamese farmers still use cats for pest control could’ve coloured many Vietnamese people’s decision to have cats instead of rabbits in their version of the Chinese zodiac is a real missed opportunity, even if this gives a glimpse into Xian’s culture better. You could say that Vietnam’s not that well known as China is.

But even then, it’s interesting in its own right and something that has to be explored more in light of Xian’s heritage and upbringing. When it comes to these two mutants whose cultures are misrepresented or underrepresented in some way or another, I feel they come off as missed opportunities when it comes to exploring their cultures and countries.

I feel these portrayals could’ve further coloured some X-Men fans’ racism, in the sense that if they do get represented at all they’re either afterthoughts (Karma) or made more exotic than they really are (Storm). Whatever their portrayals, they get othered in ways most X-Men writers wouldn’t do with American and to some extent, British cultures.

Well X-Men’s no stranger to having white British writers like Grant Morrison and Warren Ellis, both of whom wrote X-Men and X-Men related stories themselves. But when it comes to nonwhite, nonwestern X-Men writers Vita Ayala’s the only example to come to mind who writes or wrote a serialised story. I can’t think of any African or Asian writer who wrote X-Men stories.

This could’ve not only coloured why Xian and Storm are written the way they are, but also how this would’ve fed into some X-Men fans’ racism in the form of ignorance. When it comes to some X-Men fans being racist, it doesn’t help when some X-Men writers are racist themselves that it’s a self-perpetuating cycle.

It is getting better these days, but much work needs to be done when it comes to representing nonwestern cultures better as well as combatting fandom racism.

[danganronpa96]

So uhhhhh what Inspired you to do DR69 in the first place? Crossover Fangans are quite frequent as of now ( such as Cartoons In Danganronpa, totally not promoting one of my current favourite on going Fangans (; ) but nah on a serious note, just really curious to the upbringing of 69 and how the whole thought process with it's conception went yknow?

Ah yes, my origin story (or well the fic’s at least lol)

I did mention this in another post, but one day while I was scrolling through danganronpa fics (terrible decision, I know) I stumbled across a fic called DR9: Despair’s Counterattack (by PurpleDrank). Now, just by looking at the absurd but hilarious cast list, I was infatuated with the idea of placing random characters into a killing game. I knew of fangans that existed such as SDRA2, but I hadn’t really been exposed to the idea of crossover killing games until that fic.

I don’t think anyone knows this, but since I was young, I was obsessed with crossovers. And I mean obsessed. Not like those 2 TV shows having a crossover special kind of interest, no, like slapping characters from separate medias I enjoyed and just thinking about them doing stuff together. From the most trauma-torn grunge middle-aged man to a cartoon horse to a random anime girl just hanging out because… why not? It’s free, and no one can stop you.

And believe it or not, that hasn’t changed.

For fun, I was just like, “lol, what if I wrote down my own cast of characters that might be funny to see interact because it’s not like anyone’s gonna read it anyway.” Once I assembled the cast, it spiralled from there. Oh, who would be the protagonist? How would these characters look in my current artstyle? What would the first floor of the school look like? At that point I decided to abandon my current fixation on a set of old OCs and focus on creating this fic. Unlike DR9, I wanted to actually draw the images myself, seeing as how photo editing could only go so far with the intro cards and not for more dynamic CGs (still respect the use of it though cuz it does make things more visually engaging imo).

I remember trying to figure out how to produce my own murder cases. I was very interested to try and use ideas related to the characters involved in the case, which is why for the first case, the BDA image is a reference to a gag from spongebob, and the method of murder is directly tied to the murderer’s iconic ability in his game. I also remember drawing small diagrams and jotting down the truth bullets that could expand the case such as accounts in a notebook I had. This process has actually been used a bit for DR96 too — just using different mediums to help plan can really refresh your mind if you’re having trouble figuring things out.

I didn’t think the fic would get as popular as it did. Back then, I’m certain crossover fangans were not a huge thing, and definitely not as saturated as they are now. It was fun having a small following, but as things grew, it definitely was exhilarating as it was intimidating. But I don’t regret going through with it at all, as I’ve seen first hand how it’s inspired many, allowed people to connect and form friendships and even open people up to other medias.

So all in all, I’m just a big crossover fan and danganronpa is a strangely good medium for it, and makes for a pretty gruesome one at that lol