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benpaddon · 2 years

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One of the big problems I have when writing blog posts these days is whether or not anybody wants to read what I'm writing. Why does my opinion matter above anyone else's? Why should I spend my time typing out my thoughts on a particular matter? What's the point?

I think I may have over-internalized something an acquaintance of mine once wrote on their own blog, a hundred-thousand years ago. I forget the specific words, which makes it incredibly difficult to find them on his website, but it was essentially a variation on something Craig Ferguson said during one of his standup specials - does this need to be said?

Ferguson's take on it unravels a little further:

Does this need to be said?

Does this need to be said by me?

Does this need to be said by me now?

And fuck, it's difficult to get past questions like that when you've struggled with confidence and low self-esteem your entire bloody life, because I ask myself those questions and I find myself answering, invariably, No. Of course it doesn't. Not now, not by me. Why should I write my opinions about any given subject? Who gives a shit beyond me? What would be the point?

It turns out that thinking has seriously stifled my ability to write. I used to write a lot. I'd blog about everything, anything, all the time. Every stray thought, spun out into an elaborate op-ed.

Did you know I used to have a regular op-ed on a now-defunct gaming site? I wrote down every stupid thought I had - and I was 17 when the column started, so some of them were really quite stupid. I think - in fact, I'm 100% confident - that the only reason I was ever hired for that job was because the Editor-in-Chief of said site was a spectacular Britaboo, and the idea of having a British Person With Opinions writing for his little website was, for him, a badge of honor.

I was thinking about that column earlier this week, and musing to myself how I couldn't do it now. I can't get past that mental barrier I've put up for myself. Does this need to be said, by me, now? Well, no. It doesn't.

But then, do I actually believe that? I can't, can I? Otherwise I wouldn't be on Twitter farting every single thought I have into the ether. I can't just be on Twitter to complain about services I use and make dumb jokes about movies I haven't seen yet. It has to be because on some level, whether it's ego or something else entirely, I think my words, my thoughts, my opinions and, occasionally, my jokes have some value.

They have to. Otherwise, what the Hell am I doing?

Maybe being on Twitter for - hang on, let me count my fingers here, ah yes - fourteen years has eroded my ability to string a thought out past 240 characters. Maybe it's eroded my self-confidence. Maybe that Craig Ferguson quote is an excuse. I don't know. I did actually start writing another, separate post about having a dodgy bit of nonsense removed from my credit report today only to delete it because, hey, who gives a shit, so... I don't know.

I want to write more. I want to share my thoughts more. I want to opine again, rather than just tweet. I want to do that, and I hope to do it more often. Hopefully, with the relaunch of my Patreon and the soft launch of my Substack, I can do just that. Fingers crossed.

#secret blogs #writing

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what-if-nct · 1 year

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just to say, were teenagers in your generation much weirder and fun than mine (i was born 2004)? i always think that those around 1985-1995 are just a whole new level of weird when it comes to fangirling and just being a fan in general. nowadays, teenagers are prettier chilled and sometimes even boring since they had all matured too fast for me.

maybe that’s why i always wished to be born earlier. must be fun being on the internet as a teen in the early 00s to the early 10s. even on tumblr. seeing all those blogs making posts on a kpop idol’s legs. you can’t even do that anymore without being seen as cringe and even peer pressured into being “normal.”

I'd say that it's complicated cause I was a teenager between 2006 to 2013 that's 13 to 19. And like if you were weird or a freak or honestly just emo or liked anime you were kinda exiled from the normal people. Me and my friends were treated horribly we just had each other. I know in the 90s they had beat the freak week which is absolutely terrifying I watched a video about it from a goth who was in highschool in the 90s. So I'd say there was never a mass majority of weird kids like there is always the "normal" people who dictate what's socially acceptable and others who don't fit in.

But I will say that in the late 90s to early 2010s the internet was where all the weird kids went and even had sites just for us. Like there was Myspace in middle school but vampire freaks branched from that. And Tumblr was just full of weird kids when I was in highschool no normal person used it like we did till maybe 2015. The difference is now everyone is on the internet it's no longer weird to spend all day on the internet it's normal and easy. So with that now everything online is under a microscope and you have to be normal to not get attacked for not fitting in.

Hell you can't even be over 20 in the kpop fandom while so many idols are pushing 30 like all the other millennials. Johnny's a year and half away from 30, that's a grown man with a 401k, mortgage and wife he has to come home to cause he knows he will sleep on the couch if he comes home late after I cooked all day for him and our kids haven't seen him in weeks. What about Jordan, Johnny? you promised you'd go to his game and Jessica, she has her recital . Johnny we both know things haven't been the same in months. I'm leaving you, Chris actually cares about the kids unlike you. Like that, only a handful of people would understand that imaginary tangent but not the majority. I say just like we all did before you just gotta find a space where people like you will welcome you with open arms like here. Cause the landscape of the internet just mimics the real world but even worse because theres anonymity and people are more callous.

But yeah don't be fooled being a teen when I was, was only fun with your friends outside of school and on myspace or vampire freaks. Everywhere else sucked especially Facebook , I hated Facebook then and I hate Facebook now. All my highschool and middle school friends need to know is im cute that's it they no nothing about my life or who I am cause fuck them. my stories just accidentally end up on Facebook through insta and I intentionally post the most vapid things I honestly hate 98% of the people I went to high school with there's like 3 cool people. Only keep Facebook just in case the one who got away finds me. Jacob I'm not shy anymore, I'm actually ready now. come back! So take that as to how it was when I was a teen.

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your-eternal-lies · 24 days

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𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐍 (oneshot) ╰┈➤ ft. loki laufeyson

𝒏𝒐𝒕-𝒔𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 — do not plagiarize, copy, screenshot, repost/republish, and/or translate any of my work for posting on social media platforms or third party sites. no part of my stories are to be fed into AI software or generators. and please remember: you are responsible for your own media consumption. check for any content warnings before you proceed.

𝐋𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐋𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐨𝐱 — 𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 — loki x f!reader

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 — you hadn’t planned on spending your friday night playing a game of twister chicken with a literal god, but hey… if it gets you to where you need to be…

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 — plot? what plot? this is basically just porn (but with some feelings because, you know, romance). minors, please do not interact.

"Didn't you hear me, Agent?" Comes a voice, smooth as silk yet twice as dangerous. "I said, left hand green."

You scowl, making a mental vow to yourself right then and there, that you will never again attend another one of Tony's stupid parties. You are swearing off alcohol. You are swearing off form-fitting dresses that make it hard to breathe. You are swearing off him.

Loki—god of mischief, former alien invader, and current persona non grata—your partner and the bane of your existence. The only reason the two of you have been paired together is because he's already gone through more agents than anyone can count, probably scaring them all off with the mere sounds of his batshit crazy.

Steve and Tony made it clear, while they understood your reluctance, that you should do everything in your power to make sure this partnership worked. They had run out of agents to assign him, and you were the only option left.

His usual Asgardian garb is gone tonight, replaced with the crisp clean lines of a white button-up shirt and dark trousers. His dark curls, usually slicked back with precision, not a single strand out of place, fall loosely around his face.

Maybe it was the bubbles from all that champagne that had you staring at him a little longer than usual. You normally can't stand him, his features laced with the same arrogance that had him playing puppeteer with an entire city. Your city. Despite his joining the Avengers, you haven't forgotten.

Although, you must admit, it's getting harder and harder to remember at this very moment. Especially while the two of you are a mess of tangled limbs, exposed skin, and harsh breathing.

Why did you take your clothes off again?

Oh right, you think as you glance over to where your little black dress lies abandoned on the floor. You were getting too warm from all that alcohol, and the fabric had been too restricting for a game of Twister.

Well, at least you're still wearing underwear.

All that smack talk you two had heatedly exchanged earlier comes back to bite you in the ass. He had declared that this was the most pathetic party he had ever seen. You, while not particularly fond of Tony's too lavish parties to begin with, still felt compelled to defend it out of pure spite and nothing else.

Wanda had brought the damned game, was met with a chorus of protesting groans, and then cast her big green eyes to the floor while mumbling sadly about how she'd never played before. The whole team then reluctantly caved, of course.

But soon, one by one, people decided to call it a night, eventually leaving you and your so-called partner standing before the wrinkled plastic mat, challenging each other to another round because obviously there wasn't even any competition.

He arrogantly proclaimed that victory would be his, by a landslide.

You proudly declared that you were much more flexible.

And now his large body looms over you, all sharp angles and smirks, his hands placed firmly on the mat at either side of you. Meanwhile, you try to maintain your balance, your arms and legs awkwardly bent underneath you... your lace-covered chest thrust up into his face, the warm puffs of his breath dancing across your skin.

"Enjoying the view?" You grit sarcastically, rolling your eyes as he grins down at your heaving breasts. You lift your left hand and try for the closest green circle, huffing in annoyance when it remains just barely out of reach.

"Why, yes," he confesses, his face so close that his lips brush against one of your bra cups. "Midgardian fashion is just so... quaint."

You roll your eyes, not bothering to entertain his response, trying not to focus on the infuriating shape of his mouth, your limbs straining as you try and reach that blasted green circle.

"And obviously you agree, seeing as you couldn't stop staring at me all night."

Now, that makes your ears perk up. "Excuse me? I wasn't—"

"You forget who you're dealing with, dearie," he chuckles, the sound scraping against your every nerve... especially a particularly eager one between your legs. "How do you expect to convince everyone you hate me... when you look at me like that all the time?"

"Like what?"

"Like you want to bury me and consume me all at the same time."

"You are delusional, Laufeyson, as always," you bark, turning your head away so you can't get lost in those dangerous blue eyes. "Focus up; I want to win this damn game already. I'd rather not spend a minute more with you than I have to."

"That's a bit rich, coming from someone who's underneath me whilst half-naked," his lips curve up into a smile, and you can almost feel the movement against your chest. "But I suppose this could serve to... strengthen our partnership."

"A partnership implies equality and trust," you say, your shoulders and thighs starting to ache from trying to maintain your position. "I definitely do not trust you as far as I can throw you, and you obviously don't see me as an equal."

"Says who?" Loki drawls, and the room seems to shrink beneath the weight of his question. "In fact, darling, as much as it pains me to admit, you're the only one around here worth talking to."

"Stop trying to distract me," you mutter, your brow furrowing in concentration. You try not to think about how long it's been since you were this close to a man... you know, when you aren't twisting him into a headlock or kicking the absolute shit out of him.

"Ah, so I distract you?" Again with that smirk. That smirk that makes you painfully aware that he's destructive, pompous, and always so fucking patronizing—exactly your type, apparently, given the way your nipples pebble beneath the lace of your bra.

"I will smack you," you threaten halfheartedly, angling your body slightly to make one last attempt at completing your turn.

"Careful, mortal," the teasing and good humour are gone from his voice now, replaced with something else much more treacherous, "your heart beats too loudly."

"Then stop listening," you grunt, your torso inadvertently sliding along his. You freeze when he hisses, right when you feel your lower abdomen come in contact with his groin.

"Impossible," he groans loudly, his head tossed back and exposing the long white column of his throat. You swallow hard the urge to lean forward and bite him. "Who's distracting who, exactly?"

You gape up at him, frozen, feeling something hard against your hip. "Is that—are you—?"

The shock of it all causes your elbow to give under your own weight, sending you crashing down onto the plastic mat. Loki lowers himself onto you almost immediately, trapping you between him and the floor.

"Looks like you lost," he declares, his large hands already circling your wrists and pinning you to the mat. "Do I get to claim my prize now?"

"We never agreed—" you struggle against him, your voice failing when he leans in close, your noses almost touching.

"Terms can be negotiated, darling," the god whispers, eyes absolutely blazing, flashing with a hint of green that makes your clit throb. "The timing, however, not so much. I'd like to collect now."

All thoughts of distancing yourself evaporate instantly as his mouth crashes onto yours, his hands leaving yours to slide down your arms, finding their way around the band of your bra. He latches onto you like he's starving for whatever you're offering, his tongue dragging across the seam of your lips.

Without thinking, you open for him.

You begin wondering what he is truly the god of, because with each stroke of his tongue, you swear you're being struck by lightning.

God dammit, you're kissing Loki—something your wandering mind had certainly entertained before, but never expected to happen.

And it feels so damn good.

"I see you everywhere I go, Agent," he confesses against your lips, his warmth leaving your skin as he sits back on his haunches, making a show out of unbuttoning his shirt and revealing inch after inch of perfect unblemished skin. He shrugs the garment off, a mesmerizing sight as the delicate material whispers along his sculpted arms and falls to the floor. "I can taste you in the air I breathe."

"Lo..." your voice isn't working, other than to let out a series of whimpers and moans as his hands return. This time, they find their way to your hips, his fingers teasing a path underneath the waistband of your panties and then gently pulling them off.

You clutch the plastic mat underneath you, breath quickening as he lowers his face to your newly exposed sex. The moment his tongue touches your aching clit, stars explode. Loki is relentless in the pursuit of your pleasure, the sounds and vibrations of his groans getting lost inside you as he completely buries his face in the wetness of your desire.

You screech as your hips buck forward, gasping over and over again as he practically tortures you with his tongue. He is not quiet about it either, the room filled with the sounds of his sucking and slurping while the pressure in your belly begins to burn out of control.

But just as you are about to be catapulted over the edge, he releases his hold on your lips and pushes your thighs further apart to make room for him. His hands are a blur of movement at the front of his trousers, the rasp of the zipper so loud in the empty room, before his cock spills out from between the layers of fabric, already rock hard and pointing right at you.

Loki covers you with his warmth immediately, finding his place between your legs and grunting when you wrap them around his hips. His hands squeeze your breasts and lift them higher, enough to take one into his mouth, lace and all.

"Yes!" You cry out as he sucks at you shamelessly, fingers tracing the swell of your tits, swirling his tongue around your sensitive peaks until your bucking against him, trying to relieve the tension between your thighs. His teeth clamps down as one hand snakes down your torso, finding its way to your aching pussy, unceremoniously sliding two fingers deep inside you.

Loki draws back, admiring the bite mark just above the edge of your bra cup, his lips curving up into a satisfied smile.

"Well, aren't you a vision?" He growls as his fingers move faster inside you, the heel of his palm rubbing against your swollen clit. His erection grazes your thigh, twitching as if begging for attention, but Loki seems unbothered as his eyes darken just a shade. "Beg me."

"Ugh," this son of a bitch; you would slap him if you weren't so desperate to come. "Fuck you!"

"Not quite what I was looking for," he murmurs as he removes his fingers from your hole. He replaces them with the swollen head of his cock, teasing your entrance with maddeningly slow circles.

"Loki," you threaten, the tone of your voice leaving nothing up for debate, but that was all it took. Hearing his name like that goes straight to his hips, them punching forward almost as soon as you said it, sheathing himself inside you with one smooth thrust.

His own breathing becomes laboured as he keeps the pace brisk, unable to help pushing in and out of you, relishing the way your muscles clenched and trembled as you fully embraced his hard length.

"I tell myself I still yearn for Asgard's throne," he manages between thrusts, voice barely above a whisper as he continues to fuck you into the mat, his hips smacking into the back of your thighs. "That this pitiful planet is nothing more than a chessboard, a stepping stone towards my glorious purpose."

Your fingers wind themselves into his hair, your bodies reacting to each other more fervently with each passing second. Despite yourself, you tilt your chin up as if to silently beg for another kiss, the faintest whine escaping your throat when he doesn't oblige.

"But somewhere between your infuriating presence," he grunts, punctuating his words with a particularly brutal thrust, drawing another pleasured cry from your lips. "And the chaos of this world, I find myself torn... between the call of power and the unexpected allure of something far more perilous."

You want to say something back, but he fucks you so deep it's like you can feel him right up against your throat. All you can do is hold onto him, gasping for breath, hanging on for dear life.

"Feelings. Sentiment. For you." He spits out the words like they're foreign, distasteful even, his hips keeping up their cruel punishment, but his eyes are almost kind when they find yours. His lips hover just a hair's breadth from yours, teasing and tantalizing as his body invades you over and over again.

His confession hangs heavy in the air, charged with a cocktail of what looks like regret and a vulnerability you never expected to witness from him. You feel your walls of defence crack, just a hairline fracture, but allowing more than enough room for him to slip through.

"You say I distract you?" He thrusts harder, the tip of his cock finding a spot inside you that makes you let go of the last tiny string holding any remnants of your composure together. Stars explode behind your eyes as you squeeze them closed, the plastic mat sticking to your sweaty back as you arch up into your orgasm.

You feel Loki lean forward and bite your shoulder, grunting as he fucks you through your climax, a few more thrusts before he himself tenses inside you. His hold on you softens, his teeth retreating and replaced with the soft cushioning of his lips, all the while his hips jerk again and again as he spills hot rushes of fluid into you.

You lay exhausted on the floor, sweaty and dishevelled and wrapped in a tarp of colourful circles and still joined together. You close your eyes, trying to catch your breath as Loki slowly and carefully wraps his arms around you, but doesn't remove himself from the warmth of your body.

"My dear, you're the one who won't leave me be."

Fin.

NOTES — Well then. I am definitely not going to church this morning 👀

#loki x reader #loki x f!reader #loki x female reader #loki x fem!reader #loki x you #loki fanfiction #loki oneshot #loki smut #loki fluff #loki laufeyson x reader #loki laufeyson x f!reader #loki laufeyson fanfic #loki laufeyson smut #loki laufeyson fluff #summer's fics

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chocoholicannanymous · 3 months

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Evil Author Day #2

February 15th is Evil Author Day - you can read more about it on Jilly James' site, but in short it's about posting titles or descriptions or parts of stuff that's not actually ready for posting, the evil part being that there are no promises what so ever that there will be more.

What I'm posting under the EAD-tag either isn't finished and might never be, or it could be considered finished only I'm not happy with it.

Either way: Enjoy. Or not.

Stockholm Syndrome and Misery

“Kurt... Your dad, I, look. He didn't come off in the best way, I have to admit that, but boo, you have to admit he has a point.” I do? “He loves you, and he wants what's best for you, and this? This isn't working. Yes, things are worse now because of Karofsky, but honestly? Things haven't really been okay for a long time.

“Karofsky might be who you're focusing on right now, but he's not the only one, and you know it. Even if they hadn't allowed him to come back, someone else would have taken his place, and then what? You gonna ask the school to expel them too? Where does it end? And what will you do when you can't hide behind coach Sylvester any longer?”

And that, that is pure resentment in her voice. Mercedes never had accepted the fact that coach Sylvester liked him better than her, that he'd stayed when she left, that he'd had success as a Cheerio. It had been, ultimately, why he'd left, even though the Cheerios would have been an excellent addition to his college application in a year, and he'd given it up. And for what? A friend that apparently isn't going to be the support he needs.

“You asked for my help. Well, here's what you should do. Your dad is trying to help you. Let him. Do as he says. Blend in more, you know, dress more normal, tone things down a little. I'll be your girlfriend, that should help – Mr H has always liked me. And you should start coming to church with me.

“I didn't want to push earlier, not when your dad was still recovering, but the way you reacted when he was in the hospital wasn't healthy. Striking out like that at your friends, when all we wanted to do was to help you, that... It just isn't right. If you feel as if you can't accept God in your heart, then you need help to do so. I'll help you, Kurt, as will your family. All you need to do is help us.”

He can barely believe his ears. Yes, it had become obvious earlier that Mercedes wasn't going to be the rock he needs her to be, but this? This isn't just not being a rock, this is being as unsupportive as is possible, this is being actively against him. No matter how she presents is, this is Mercedes Jones taking a stand against everything that he is.

And he thought she loved him as much as he loved her.

“Kurt?”

“Sorry. Look, Mercedes, this was... You gave me a lot to think about, okay? I... I need to talk to dad again, and. I'll call you later.”

He doesn't know if he will, of course, nor if he's going to talk to his dad any time soon, but he's desperate to get away. He's about to break down completely, and he needs to not be on the phone with Mercedes when he does so. He needs to not let her catch on to what he's really feeling.

She blabs on for a while, and he makes what he hopes is appropriate noises, but he's not listening. He just wants to go.

So. He already knows he can't be straight. He can't. Coming out, even to himself, wasn't something he just did. He hadn't labeled himself “gay” lightly, or for fun. It had just been the only truth that had fit.

Kurt remembers spending countless nights agonizing over it, being afraid, hoping he'd run into a girl that would do it for him. He never wanted to be gay, to be seen as abnormal and disgusting, he'd just learned to accept that he was, and then tried to not see himself as any of the slurs thrown at him.

It had been Mercedes herself, in a way, that had forced him to come to terms. She's gorgeous, with all the qualities he wants in a partner – with the exception of her gender. He's always seen this, and surely, if any girl should be able to make him feel anything but admiration and friendship, it should be her.

Up until that point he'd still held out in the hopes of being at least bi – Finn had been the last blow to his denial when it came to being attracted to boys, but he'd still not been ready to accept that he was gay – but realizing Mercedes had feelings for him, and it only causing him to panic... Yeah. Gay.

Brittany had only confirmed it. (Strange, how two of the most beautiful girls he knows both went for him.)

Could he try and play straight then? It didn't work last time, he's painfully aware of how much he failed then, but there's more at stake now. Because this time? He's not afraid he might be kicked out, he knows he'll be. He also knows what mistakes he made last time, as well as more about how a real teenage boy is supposed to act.

Maybe if this time he tried to copy not his dad, but Finn? That should be easier, surely, and not as obvious, right? He already knows he can perform on the football field, and while coach Beiste does have an acceptable kicker, surely she can use a back-up. There's also the fact that his face and body has changed since last year, and he has better control of his chest voice now. Maybe...

But no. Playing straight hurt and it would be even worse a second time, Kurt's pretty sure of that. This time he's experienced the freedom of not hiding, and even with the escalation it had caused in the bullying it had been worth it. Also, he's willing to bet on the fact that his dad's ultimatum wasn't about playing straight.

He can try, yes, and hope that his dad will come to his senses again, but that's a risky game. What if his dad doesn't change his mind again? What if he never gives up on having a straight son? If that's how it is, then Kurt playing straight won't help any, it'll only cause him suffering.

And for what? Trying to please a family that doesn't love him the way he is?

He'd called Mercedes in the hope that she would welcome him, that her family would allow him to stay with them, that they'd come through for him as they'd done for Quinn. Instead she'd sided with his dad. And that leaves him alone.

Mercedes is his only friend. Rachel tries to be one, when she isn't actively fighting him, but they're not that close. And if he was to go to her... Her dads would most likely offer him a place, yes, out of some sort of queer solidarity, but they would – or so he believes – also try and mediate. And there is no way Burt Hummel would allow the son he wants to turn straight to go live with Lima's only out gay couple.

As for the rest of the glee club, and the adults surrounding him... None of the other kids would back him up. Brittany might, yes, but she could just as easily do as Mercedes had. Staying with her could ruin things between her and Artie though, even if somehow it didn't manage to give Brittany the wrong ideas.

Mr Schue doesn't really care about him, that much is obvious, and Miss Pillsbury is frankly useless. Coach Sylvester... No, best not go there.

Besides, he knows how much these people care about a teen getting kicked out of their home. He'd gotten all the evidence he needs the year before, when no one had raised as much as a finger to help Quinn. Mercedes had been the only one, and to realize she is less willing to back him up than Quinn breaks his heart. It's reason enough to ensure that even should he decide to go with his dad's demands, he won't ever do so the way she had suggested.

He's thought of Mercedes as his best friend, his sister almost, and it's a hard painful blow to his heart that she apparently doesn't value him the same way he does her.

If he can't return home, and can't get any help in Lima, then there's only one solution: he needs to leave. Run away.

He's not exactly equipped to run away though. Sure, he's got his wallet and his cell, but that's it. No jacket, much too thin clothing, shoes unsuited for walking around outside... He needs more. Luckily he knows exactly where to get it.

For once the brutal reality of McKinley is working for him. His locker is filled to the max, and just about everything in it is something he can use now. There, a bag of unused gym clothes – the shorts and tee are mainly useless, sure, but it's clothing and so he takes them anyway. The sneakers are perfect. And over there, two complete outfits in case he needs to change during the day (he almost always has to) and of course his “emergency kits”, one a toiletry bag for dealing with slushies – complete with travel towel, soap, shampoo, moisturizer and clean underwear; one a well-stocked first aid kit and the last one a miniature sowing kit – with everything from needles, thread and pins to buttons, three kinds of fabric cleaner and patches.

He's got more though. A water bottle, some energy bars, dried fruit, nuts, chocolate... His old mp3 player, an emergency $50, a pair of out of style sunglasses, a rescue blanket, a thin rain cape and a paperback he hasn't gotten around to reading yet. All of it gets thrown into the gym bag.

He's still not done. Kurt knows that the chances of his dad letting him just leave aren't that great, if not because he wants his gay son at home so at least because it doesn't look good to have your kid run away, and that means he needs to disguise himself.

The theater department is just as sadly underfunded as everything else not football or cheerleading, meaning most of their supplies are donated. That makes it “normal” clothes though, and not exactly well documented. The chances of anyone realizing that the items he takes are missing are minimal, and even if they do he'll be far away by then. Dressed in baggy khakis, a ratty windbreaker, his sneakers and a OSU hoodie he looks nothing like his regular self – except for from the neck up.

He snatches a pair of blackrimmed glasses (outfitted with window glass, apparently) and nods. That looks better. Not perfect though... But. There's a pair of clippers in one of the drawers. It's a horrible thought, but getting away is more important than looks, and so Kurt gives himself a buzz cut.

The face he sees in the mirror doesn't look like his own. He'd be horrified, normally, but right now that's the effect he wants, and so he nods.

Time to get out.

Hiking through town is much easier now, when he's dressed somewhat appropriately, but he's still happy when he manages to catch a ride. The truck is from out of state, and the tired trucker barely looks at him, only nods when Kurt tells him – using his lower register – that he's looking to “get back” to school. The “visit with the girlfriend's family didn't go well” excuse is accepted, and Kurt breathes a little easier when they cross Lima city limits.

The secondhand store in XXX opens at ten. Kurt waits until 10:20, thinking he'll be too noticeable if he's hanging on the lock, waiting for them to open. The owner listens to him, looks at the outfit and the shoes Kurt offers up, and nods. He gets ripped off, he knows it, but in the end he doesn't care. What's important right now isn't what Kurt payed for those clothes, or what they're worth – it's what he can get in exchange.

And that is more than he'd dared hope for. A backpack, well-used but in good shape, a sleeping bag, a pair of boots that are scuffed but still in good condition, a second pair of pants and a small camping stove. He even manages to get a wool cap and a pair of thin gloves out of the deal. There's a hunting store nearby; he'll stop there and buy some warm socks, and some camping food, and move on. The sooner he gets out of Ohio, he thinks, the better.

For once the fact that his country is so divided will work for him.

#chocoholic fics #ead #ead 2024 #evil author day #glee #kurt hummel #scraps and snippets

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ravetaper · 8 months

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Habstrakt Live Set - Hollywood Palladium 2023

This is a 90-minute audio recording of Habstrakt Hollywood Palladium live set recorded on Saturday, September 2, 2023. The set began at 12:10 AM the following morning.

Rave Tapes · Habstrakt 09 - 03 - 2023 HollywoodPalladium

I've seen many shows at the Hollywood Palladium. Deadmau5, Voyd, RL Grime, to name a few EDM acts. But I've been seeing shows there since the 90's, when Beastie Boys and Green Day used to play the venue. It's a cool space and an historic site, but I haven't been impressed with the sound quality in recent years. My main complaint has been the lack of bass.

That's why I was surprised by what I heard last night. It actually sounded pretty good. I did sense that the sound engineer waited until the final 30 minutes to really unleash the bass. But when everything was running full blast, I thought the mix sounded decent. And the recording reflects that. Usually the audio sounds muddy. But this time, I had to do very little adjusting to get a nice sound.

The sound wasn't the only good thing about the show. The crowd was beautiful, too.

This was the best audience I have experienced in quite a while. The vibes were pristine. No bad energy, no one being pushy, no moshing, everyone being friendly and polite. Apparently, Habstrakt attracts a really wholesome crowd. I was passing out stickers, trading kandi and making friends left and right. Such a refreshing change. In the couple years following Covid, many crowds have felt uncharacteristically aggressive and insensitive. So this was a welcome breath of fresh air.

Here's what I know about Habstrakt: not much. I know he's a French-born producer living and working in LA. But I also know he's producing some of the sickest bass house and tech house on the planet.

I know him primarily from seeing his name all over the Beatport genres I follow. When I see Habstrakt listed in the credits of a track, I know it's going to be a high impact banger.

Then there's the fact that I missed him at EDC Vegas this year.

I knew about the EDC set. I wanted to hit the set and record it. But, it was a closing set. No bueno.

I'm a middle-age raver and I go harder than 95-percent of my peers. Most of them stopped attending events years ago and would never dream about going back to EDC in their "old age." But I go. I go all three days, and I arrive early and stay late. I outpace and outlast kids half my age. But I have to draw the line somewhere. For me, the cutoff at EDC is 4 AM.

Believe me, I know how magical the closing sets are. But I can't do them because I can't get stuck in the post-show traffic jam. I like to pull out of the parking lot no later than 5 AM, just as the music stops inside the venue. I like to be back in my hotel room listening to the recordings by 6 or 7 AM. If I stay for the final set, I get stuck in parking and can't relax for another couple hours, which throws off my three-day schedule of eat-sleep-rave-repeat.

But leaving early means I have to sacrifice the closing sets. I've missed a million Kaskade Redux sunrise sets because of this, and I regret missing all of them.

Well, it was particularly painful to miss Habstrakt at EDC. I've been hyper focused on bass house lately, and Habstrakt is one of the frontrunners of the genre. Reports from his EDC set were overwhelmingly positive, but there were precious few videos of the set. When the Hollywood Palladium show was announced, I knew I would finally get my chance to experience Habstrakt live.

As mentioned earlier, the sound was better than usual. The crowd was better than usual, too. And the music was perfect.

Habstrakt delivered a tight 90-miunte set. Most of it was unrelenting tech house and bass house interspersed with a few breaks and breakdowns. Very danceable, which is the aspect I love the most. I'm not familiar enough with Habstrakt's catalog to know what percent of the tracks were produced by him, but I assume the number was high. The mic work was sparce and heartfelt. I could tell he was having fun and feeling grateful to be there.

Visuals and stage production were minimal but effective. The main visuals were provided by a wall of vintage CRT monitors behind the dj decks. The effect was retro but it aligned nicely with Habstract's grimy, high-contrast brand.

I'm very happy with the sound quality of this recording. Whereas most of my Hollywood Palladium recordings have issues, this one sounded close to perfect out the gate. I applied very subtle eq adjustments and brought the levels up, that's it. (Edit: I went back and applied my normal effects chain to increase the crispness and 'liveliness'.)

I'm going to check the mix in a few listening environments and adjust if necessary. Otherwise, enjoy it.

So checking my email yesterday I saw what I thought was phishing email. It had the Live Nation branding and said my ticket was ready for Boris Brejcha the next night – tonight – a Factory 93 show at Grand Park in LA. I was sure it was a phishing attempt because there was no way I would knowingly buy a ticket for Boris the day after Habstrakt.

Just to verify everything, I logged into my Live Nation account and...what do you know. I DO have a ticket for Boris Brejcha tonight. Bahahaha!

So after I get finished posting and sharing this, I will chill for a few hours, eat something, take a shower, get dressed, and do it all over again!

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Follow and support Habstrakt!

Habstrakt Instagram

Habstrakt Beatport

Habstrkt Spotify

Habstrakt SoundCloud

Original Insomniac flyer for Habstrakt Hollywood Palladium September 2, 2023:

Alternate Insomniac flyer for Habstrakt Hollywood Palladium September 2, 2023:

#habstrakt #live set #hollywood palladium #2023 #bass house #tech house #rave tapes #SoundCloud

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stray-kids-react · 3 years

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Same birthday as them

Masterlist

...

Bang Chan

° Is the type to reschedule his own birthday so it could just be your day, but you will refuse his kind suggestions because you'd feel awful if you made it look like his birthday was just brushed aside like it's nothing.

° Let's you blow out the candles on the cake, smiling at you like a lovesick puppy which always makes Minho do obnoxious gagging noises as the other members join him and laugh. But Chan gets revenge on them, with frosting attacks.

° Gives the price with the candle in it, and will scoop up dollops of icing onto your piece of cake if you like frosting. And if you aren't a fan of frosting then he will steal the large amounts on your piece and put on his own piece.

° Always.. And I mean ALWAYS. Writes you birthday cards that make you cry, because he uses such kind words and makes you feel very special. Hyunjin will awkwardly pat your head as Felix clings to you like a koala.

"What words do you out in the letters to make her/him cry?" Hyunjin asked.

"Just the truth from my heart."

"Hyung she's/he's crying even harder now." Felix whispered, grabbing napkins.

Lee Know

° It always ends up going the complete opposite way you guys planned on spending your shared birthday. You both planned on going to a hotel to spend a few days away from everyone and everything, and now you were Camping with skz.

° Let's you open your presents first, secretly eager for you to open the one he bought you. And will laugh in the member's faces, bragging about how he always buys the best gifts for you. He says it's because you share one brain.

° Tries to play the birthday boy card with you, saying 'baby since it's my birthday can you get a drink?' and you always remind him that it's your birthday too so you shouldn't have to do favors on your birthday unless you want to.

° Will poke frosting onto your lips before kissing it away, making all of the members react in disgust and cringe. Even though you both know they are happy you two are together, but they are still like family and will tease both of you.

"Get a room." Seungmin whined.

"It's our birthday, every room is our room."

"Felix get the water guns." Changbin ordered, preparing for battle.

Changbin (our birthday boi! ❤️🎂)

° Very clingy, even though it's your birthday as well he will want to be babied as much as he can get. He'll baby you to return the favor, but please just cuddle him all day to make his birthday wishes come to life.

° Takes you out to a restaurant with no members, just the two of you dining together. He will insist on wearing party hats to the very fancy restaurant, getting weird looks from the posh and frugal diners that surround you.

° Even though he is sited earlier on being babied, whenever you suggest that you can help pay for the meal he always denies it and pays fully. And when whine asking why he's spoiling you, he explains that it's your birthday, you deserve it.

° Will rent out a hotel room on the top floor, taking a few selfies with you to post on instagram, captioning a long rant about how he feels so special to have met such a wonderful person who shares his birthday.

"You don't have to pay Binnie, we can go half-"

"I insist, it's your birthday you deserve it."

"But it's your birthday too."

Hyunjin

° He shows you off 10× harder than he usually does, you simply did his hair in the morning cause you wanted to. And she showed it off to all of the members, staff, and fans who were watching the stray kids daily vlogs.

° The members will purposely celebrate you more for the first half of the day, just to annoy Hyunjin. But they always soften up and congratulate him too, making him go back to his usual confident prince aura.

° Wants kisses 24/7, and will become pouty if you deny any of them. Always whining, saying that it's his birthday wish to kiss you. That sentence alone always makes you cave in and kiss his adorable pout away.

° Will read your letters for you while you open the gifts, when it comes time to open his gifts you will return the favor and read the letters. Once he reaches your gift, without even opening it he will say it's his favorite gift out of them all.

"Now for the best gift of the night."

"But you haven't even opened it yet."

"I just know it is the best."

Han

° Wakes you up with a birthday song, forcing his members to sing it with him and dance to it. The only ones who truly get into the song are Chanbin and Felix. You were a bit surprised to see all eight guys surrounding your bed.

° Will set a cute date in the JYP café, sharing your favorite pastry and his favorite pastry with each other. You two hoped to be left alone, but some fans decided to visit the café and give Han this huge cake while ignoring you.

° After Jisung began to notice more fans surrounding the building, he decided to take you back to the dorms where you could finish your pastries and drinks there. Even though it wasn't as 'romantic' it was still nice and calming.

° You both just have a relaxing time together alone, watching you favorite movies and ordering your favorite foods and drinks. Only going to socialize with everyone else when Chan calls for both of you to open the gifts.

"Happy birthday Han oppa, we love you more than anyone else in the world."

"Oh, thank you so much. Umm we actually should get going."

"OMG IS THAT HAN JISUNG OVER THERE?!"

Felix

° You tell Felix every year to not just focus on you, but he truly just can't help himself. Which is why you woke up to a loud clang in the kitchen, to find your boyfriend baking you a birthday cake at 4 in the morning.

° You were about to scold him for trying to spoil you, but he just passes you a spoon with some of the icing and batter on it. You can't stay annoyed with you angel of a boyfriend, especially when you remind yourself that it's his birthday too.

° The reason you tell him to not focus on you, is because if you don't tell him that. He will go overboard, and spoil you more than a Kardashian. Which sometimes makes you feel bad for not spoiling him just as much.

° You both facetime your families together, opening up your presents in front of them and the members. Your mom is crying the whole time because she can't get over how happy you look and how you got with such a nice guy.

"I've never seen my baby look so happy."

"Aww, you are extra smiley around me."

"Can you please just open the gift." Changbin sighs playfully, waiting ten minutes over you two gushing over each other.

Seungmin

° You struggle whenever it comes to buying gifts for Seungmin, just because he is so calm around you and always tells you that he doesn't care what you buy him as long as it's from you. He'll even say he doesn't need gifts.

° He's such a sweet boyfriend so you always want to spoil him, but he always manages to get a more heart wrenching gift than you do. Which is now why you are hunting down different stores with Hyunjin, who hasn't bought him a gift yet.

° You both rush towards the music store, when you bump into Seungmin. He is holding a couple bags full of stuff, and he can't help but smile brightly when he runs into you. Knowing exactly why you two are shopping.

° Hyunjin tries to take a peak at the bags to see if he could get any ideas from them, but Seungmin moves them away as he places a small peck to your nose before leaving the store. Making you lost with questions as to what he got you.

"Seungmin! Hi... W-what are you doing here?"

"Getting your presents ready."

"He's always ahead of the game y/n, I swear."

Jeongin

° You both have a whole birthday week, giving each other small little gifts like candy and chocolates before the big day finally arrives. And that's when the members create this huge party for you two, going all out because they are whipped.

° You and Jeongin will steal some of the balloons and keep them in your room to play around with, playing balloon volleyball with each other when neither of you can get to sleep. He always wins because he slaps the balloon so harshly.

° Will have one last dance alone with you after the party. Both of you in your pajamas in his room as you sway back and forth to a soft slow song. You can hear him humming to song against your shoulder.

° During the party, he made the mistake of pulling you in for feverish kiss. Making Itzy, Twice, Day6, Ateez, TxT, Btob, and Ofcourse Stray Kids all start Hollering. You've never witnessed Jeongin blush so harshly before.

"Get it Jeongin!" Han yelled, making Chan slap his arm.

"They're all staring at us."

"That's because you attempted to French kiss me in the middle of the dance floor."

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hella1975 · 3 years

Note

Hey, i wanted to apologize for throwing a bucket of ice water on u about the thing you liked. You're young, and I figured that you just didn't know about the Nazi shit, but I could have done it in a better way. So I'm sorry.

hey i had to do a bit of a scroll bc like i said earlier my inbox has been a BITCH to me atm, but i think you're referring to this ask?

sorry i didn't respond sooner i quite honestly haven't seen a solid 30+ asks this week and i didn't even realise, but i do actually want to talk about this because it's something that's really topical at the moment i feel, and the thing i want to talk about is the current youth's attitude towards problematic media. i mean this as more of a discussion, because you're right i am young in the big scheme of things, and because it's just such a complex issue and is almost by definition not black and white so of course it's going to have multiple facets, so i don't want anyone thinking i'm using this post as 'well this is what i think fuck everyone else's opinion on the matter'.

it really worries me that this generation (yes, this includes my age group, but even more so those younger than me) is so much more scared of being SEEN as problematic than they are of actually growing critical thinking skills and learning to see problematic media for themselves. this rant isn't really anything to do with aot specifically, but it's given me a good example so i'll use it. truthfully, i hadn't heard anything about aot being problematic until i was a good chunk of the way through season 1, and then i started seeing things on tiktok and other apps that kept bringing up this point you said in your ask. every single time, it was worded in a 'aot is nazi propaganda i refuse to watch it' kind of way. and obviously horrified because i had no idea, i went to research this and wound up accidentally spoiling a massive part of the show for myself (fuck you for that one google search recommendations).

i like to view myself as a well-rounded person with capable critical thinking skills. i am not going to stop watching a show because someone sent me a vague ask on anonymous that doesn't actually explain why something's problematic. sorry to pick on you because i do genuinely appreciate the follow up ask you sent, but the wording of your initial ask literally just translates to 'you don't know me, i am a literal stranger on the internet and not only that but i am keeping anonymity when i do this, but by sending this ask i am assuming you are going to stop something you are doing solely because you are more scared of being seen as problematic than you are of learning why something is actually problematic'. i would rather watch the show, enjoy the parts that are good, and find out for myself why something is problematic through first hand watching and in depth follow up research once i'm caught up, so i can recognise similar red flags in the future and so i can learn to consume media healthily instead of blindly following whatever is told to me, than just stop watching. the irony of that tiktok mindset is that it is going to make the youth incredibly susceptible to propaganda, arguably the very thing they're trying to avoid, because avoiding it isn't actually a solution.

i don't know if i conveyed this right, but in the meantime while i'm still catching up on the show, i do want to assure everyone that i've been watching it on an illegal site anyway, so i'm not contributing any money towards it and i don't really intend to.

hope this wasn't too ranty and actually hit the points i wanted, thanks for the follow up ask :)

#this is something im quite passionate about at the moment but i also am not sure if it's an unpopular opinion or not #so just know any response or input you have on this is very welcome #i mean it when i say i want this to be a discussion #but i will respond to you with the same amount of respect you show me #keep that in mind #i am not a void for you to vent into i am a real person behind all the stupidity #okay that's enough seriousness ANYWAY-#ask #attack on titan

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chicoriii · 2 years

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Season 4, Episode 20 - Qilin

It's been quite some time after premiere of Qilin and Penalteam, but as I've said before, I was waiting for the French premiere of last four episodes of season 4, since I completely dislike the English dub and I prefer to avoid watching this show in that language if I can. I started with Qilin, though Penalteam was aired a week earlier in France. I was planning to wait for Qilin release anyway, but since the war in Ukraine started, following the content about it and related to it takes quite much of my time everyday, sometimes more, sometimes less (though mostly I watch or rather listen to YouTube videos during doing something else). In few first days I was unable to concentrate on watching the show anyway. The war is in my neighbouring country and it also affects my own one a lot. Remember that Ukrainians are fighting not only for independence of their country, they are fighting for the Europe and the whole world. Poland isn't as safe as we all thought before, despite we're in both NATO and EU unlike Ukraine. Putin must be stopped for the safety of all us.

I don't know French, but I have one simple trick to get subtitles to watch the remaining episodes in language of my choice. I just rip the subtitle files from the Hulu releases. They including the American scripts of course, so they're are not ideal, but that's better than nothing. Besides Hulu is using different frame rate (23.976 fps) than other releases like Disney+ or TFOU's service (25 fps). Simple changing frame rates of subtitles isn't working ideal, I still need to manually shift time while watching, but that's not a big problem. I'm still glad that I found a solution, so I'm not forced to watch the dub that annoys me. ;)

Unfortunately, there was a problem with the French video of Qilin I got that's ripped from the TFOU's service. For some reasons there are few minutes missing, two fragments got cut. I noticed it thanks to the subtitles, since at some point text stopped to correspond to the video. Still it took some time to figure out why. I suppose something went wrong during uploading the video on the site. One of the early S4 episodes also got corrupted there. So well, since I hadno other choice than watching these missing minutes in English, I can say I don't change my opinion, I still think that the American dub is so awful, soulless and so generic. Only Shadow Moth voice was okay to me. Sorry.

And you know what? I have no idea what to say about this episode, so this post should be one of the shortest and the weakest one I have written about season 4. The first part of it was quite nice, but the second one when the ticket drama started was way too absurd to me. I hate when the plot of this show is that stupidly exaggerated. It reminded me Mega Leech that's one of the worst S4 episodes in my opinion for its absurd plot that felt more like a episode of Peppa Pig or another show for preschoolers than targeted for older kids.

It was really nice to see Sabine's everyday routine and all. That she is better organised than Marinette, but also we've seen what Marinette has from her mother. That was unexpected that Sabine is interested at art like her (though totally different type). I'm also surprised that she has a job outside of working at the bakery. If I got a chance I would be interested at getting some Chinese painting classes as well. It was also surprising to see Lila there, it seems that's her biggest this season till now (remember that I haven't seen Penalteam nor Risk yet, maybe she got any speaking role in any of them, I don't know yet). I don't think it's going to be significant for the plot, but I very like the fact we've seen that Lila has life outside of being a bad girl, there's something that interests her in positive way.

But there's one thing that bothers me. Sabine has been portrayed totally one-dimensional. She's another way too much idealised character, too noble, she is also too ideal mother. She hadn't done anything even a little wrong in the entire episode. I don't like characters without a weak points, they are so boring. So yeah, Sabine is a good mother, but she's not a type of character I can care about much.

Despite that I thought it's going to be a decent episode until that ticket accident happened. I don't want to comment how stupid it was that they started to treat Sabine like a terrorist just because she had no ticket or a wallet with her for a moment. Besides the akuma battle could in my top 5 the worst this season and I don't want to waste my time to write anything about that as well. So unfortunately, the whole second half of the episode was much worse than the first one. Not nearly as bad to me as some of other this season's episodes, just stupidly absurd (that happens from time to time in all seasons) and boring. Not to mention this is another episode without Adrien (as civilian) and Plagg at all, and since I lost most of my sympathy for Marinette throughout S4, this episode has not much to offer for me generally.

I wonder if was that said before that Chat Noir's umbrella is a magical weapon? I don't remember that. It looks like one, since it seems to be completely indestructible. I remember that umbrella appeared once only to protect against rain (but I have no idea in which episode, since I don't rewatch any since Hack-san). I thought it was just a one-time thing to make another reference to the famous umbrella scene. If it's a new Chat's skill, why wasn't it properly introduced? Geez, that's another thing this season that appeared out of nowhere without explaining how. It makes this season feels incomplete like we're missing something.

Also I have a feeling it was the ugliest episode this season. Looking at the picture below just hurts (pay attention at Marinette's eyes and the shading). Although generally I think the animation quality of S4 is better than seasons 2 and 3, not a lot, but still. And at least I like Qilin design and especially her color scheme.

In France the whole season finale is going to be aired this weekend, at 13rd March, so thankfully just one day after the international premiere of Strike Back. I would prefer to see both episodes as fast as possible because I'm worried about spoilers (I've already accidentaly seen something big in my mobile's Google feed and I hate that, I'm not saying what in this post, because it could be read by someone who tries to avoid spoilers like me, I can't be sure if it's a spoiler for any of the finale's episode, but it should be). And mostly because I still read Miraculous fanfics and I'm sure that after premiere of Strike Back there are going to be post-S4 fics with spoilers in the tags and/or summary without warning on AO3. That always happen after premiere of big episodes those bring a lot of emotion in the fandom. I plan to stop scrolling through AO3 to search for any interesting fic after premiere of Strike Back in the USA until I see the finale, but I don't want that to take too long. But definitely I'm not going to watch both episodes in one day and I plan to write two separate posts, because since it's the finale, I expect that I'm gonna to have many things to say about both of them. It would most probably take too much time to do it in one day, knowing my writing speed which is rather slow, especially not in my native language (I don't mean typing speed, that's not too bad when using computer keyboard, but thinking what to write and how to create sentences is another story), and I always takes breaks. Because of that I hope I will be able to watch Penalteam before Sunday, maybe even tomorrow. I've also seen spoilers from this episode, including its final card which is extremely spoilery. :/ At least I know that should be more interesting than Qilin and more plot focused, so I feel I'm a bit more willing to watch it soon.

#miraculous ladybug #ml qilin #ml season 4 #ml spoilers #ml spoiler #ml season 4 spoilers #chicoriii about S4 episodes #chicoriii #original post

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sillyrabbit81 · 3 years

Text

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 2.5k

Warnings: Smut, swearing

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 6 Part 8

Part 7

Liam's phone rang. He ignored it and let it go to voicemail. When it rang again, he made a noise of disgust and took his phone out of his pocket to look at it. "It's my publicist. I had better take this."

Liam answered the phone and went outside to talk. I turned the oven on and started to unpack the groceries. Then I got the roast, put it in a baking tray, poured olive oil over the top and seasoned it with salt and some pepper. I got out some onions and garlic and started to cut them up to place around the roast to give it some added flavour.

"That looks great," Liam said when he came back in.

"Thanks," I said, and I gave him a grin. I took the tray and put it in the oven. I got my phone and put an alarm on, giving myself time to cook the veggies before they finished. A thought came to me, and before I could bite my tongue, I said, "They do say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"Really?" Liam licked his lips, looked down at his pants and said, "I'd say they were aiming too high."

It took me a minute to work out what the joke was. When I finally did, I couldn't help but laugh and hide my face in my hands.

"You've gone so red!" Liam appeared to be having fun with my inability to control my blushes.

"Oh, my God!" I said, still hiding my face and laughing. "Alright, that was funny."

It took me a while to stop laughing. When I did, Liam said sombrely, "Sweetheart, I have to tell you something."

"Uh, oh, it doesn't sound good."

"It's not bad. I don't know how you will feel about it." Liam then told me that his publicist had called to let him know there were pictures put on Instagram and Twitter of the two of us kissing at the pub last night. "Your name hasn't been mentioned, and the photos look to be shot from pretty far away on a mobile, so someone in the pub took the pictures. Sarah says they probably aren't going to tell who you are by the pictures unless someone who knows you well comes forward."

I think if my eyes bulged out of my head any further, they would have fallen out and rolled on the floor. "That quick?" It was all I could think to say.

"Yeah. It's hard to know what will come out and when. A lot of times I go out, and no one notices me, but other times I have paps or members of the public following me for hours."

"Who's Sarah?"

"My publicist." Liam reached across the bench and took my hand in his. "Are you ok?"

"You say they don't know who I am?" Liam nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't happy but what was I going to do about it? I picked at my nails. I needed to paint them; the pale pink polish was starting to chip.

"You ok?" Liam asked again

I shrugged. "Your life is weird."

Liam chucked. "You keep telling me that."

"So, what happens now?"

"Well, usually Sarah would say to private all social media, but she had a look and said she could only find a Facebook profile for you which was already private. Do you have any others? Instagram? Twitter? Snapchat?"

"No. I have a YouTube account that I use to watch videos, but that isn't linked to my real name or email. Also, a Tumblr account, again not associated with my name. And no pictures of me."

"Tumblr?" He raised an eyebrow. His fucking lip twitched.

"I was a confused 22-year-old ok?" I said a bit defensively. "I haven't used it in years," I remembered then the dating site we met on. I quickly logged on and selected the options to hide the account.

"Ok, well, there's not much else right now. A few rags called Sarah for comment. She said the standard no comment and asked for my privacy to be respected. The rest is up to you."

"Up to me?" I asked, confused. "What's up to me?"

"When you want to confirm the relationship and release your name."

"Liam, I met you less than 24 hours ago and have known you only a few months. I'm not ready for that. I like you a lot, but maybe you pick your nose and eat it, and I'll have to dump your arse tomorrow and then it's been a big song and dance over nothing." I joked. The mood had gotten too heavy for me. I wanted to talk about something else.

"Sweetheart, I'd never do that." He smiled sweetly, "I'd make you eat it."

"Ewww!" I screamed.

"Get over here." He chased me around the bench, and after a few evasions and some more squeals, he caught me. Perrin came in through the doggy door and barked at Liam a few times. Our behaviour obviously scandalised him. "Perrin," I called. "Come here, boy."

"You think your dog can save you?"

"Of course, he's very protective of my honour."

"We will see about that." Liam bent over, and I thought he was going to tackle me. Instead of flying backwards, I was hoisted forward and found myself over his shoulder. I screamed as I heard a loud crack, my hands flying to my bum.

"Did you just smack my arse?" I must admit I was finding all the manhandling arousing. I wasn't going to let him know that, though.

"Yes, I did. Want another?" Liam was heading down the hallway, taking me to the bedroom.

I giggled. "No!"

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," Liam quoted. Shakespeare sounded good with his accent. I giggled some more, and I got another one. Yes, very arousing.

Liam hummed. "I quite like the view here." He rubbed my bottom and took me into my bedroom.

I was very close to his round bum. "This view is not so bad either," I said and smacked his arse. Unfortunately, it probably hurt me more than it hurt him. His butt was tight!

Liam dropped me onto the bed at that point, and the look on his face was hysterical. I couldn't stop laughing, and tears were rolling down my face. Then I did the most embarrassing thing: I snorted.

That was it. Both of us couldn't stop. Every time I calmed enough to think I could speak, one look at Liam's face, and I'd be off again.

Eventually, we stopped, and I was able to say, "Oh my God, your face! That was so bloody funny." I wiped my eyes.

"I think that may have been the first time someone's done that to me."

"Really? Didn't you go to an all-boys school?"

"Yes, but it wasn't the US." Liam tried suppressing a grin as he said, "we got ball taps."

I tried not to laugh. I really did. "Oh, my God!" I was off again.

We watched the original Mad Max before I had to go and finish dinner. I was horrified when Liam said he hadn't seen it before. I immediately made him watch it. He said it was ok, the concept was great, but he didn't love it. I told him he needed a brain scan.

When I went to make dinner, Liam offered to help, but I told him not to be silly.

Liam sat at the kitchen bench chatting to me while I chopped and blanched the vegetables. After a while, he said he had to call Sarah and his assistant Ryan to make sure he had organised the dog walker to take Cole for a walk and play.

"Any update from Sarah?" I asked Liam when he returned. I feigned disinterest while I finished slicing the roast.

"All the same right now. Some sites have posted the pictures, saying I was spotted drinking with an "unknown female companion." The pictures have circulated a bit on Twitter, but it's mostly just by fans. They haven't hit the mainstream yet. It's all fairly standard, and it will go away by tomorrow by the looks of it."

"Good," I said. A look I couldn't interpret passed over Liam's face. He masked it pretty quickly. I opened my mouth to ask if he was ok but shut it again. I said, instead, "dinner's ready." I passed Liam his plate.

"Thank you," Liam said, leaning over to kiss me before eating. I watched as he cut up some beef and started chewing. "Pretty good. Almost as good as Mum's," he teased with a wink.

I elbowed him, and God bless him; he pretended it hurt.

We ate in silence for a while. I gave a few pieces to Perrin. He was so old, and I couldn't help but spoil him occasionally. He won't be around forever.

After dinner, Liam insisted on helping me clean up, and we stacked the dishwasher. Watching him bend over, his jeans straining as he put the plates in, stirred some feelings. Erotic feelings.

"Want to watch another movie?" He asked.

"Not really," I said. "I'm in the mood for some dessert."

"Ice-cream? I can't have any, but you can."

"Not ice-cream," I said, shaking my head. I looked at him with my very best bedroom eyes.

"What do you want then? Want me to go to the shops?" He said, not catching on. I put my arms around his waist. "If you let me borrow your car, I'll go. I can just go on my own."

"No, you wombat." I met his hips with mine, his eyes widened. "What I want is right here." I wriggled against him. Liam grinned widely, his cheeks creasing in such a sexy way.

"I thought you were shy."

"I am getting used to you," I said. "The real me is coming out." The truth of my words took me by surprise. I looked away, second-guessing myself. Why did I do that?

"I like her," Liam said hoarsely. If he hadn't spoken then, I think I would have stopped. But when his hands went into my hair, and he pulled, stretching my throat, I knew I wasn't going to stop. He kissed me there, and his teeth grazed my skin. My fingers reached under his shirt, and they gripped his back. My nails dug into his skin.

"Bedroom?" I whispered.

"Bedroom," he agreed and walked me backwards to my room.

"You promised me something earlier today," Liam said in between kisses. We were close to my bed.

"What's that?"

He stopped kissing me and cupped my face with his hands. "You said I could undress you."

Liam took hold of my t-shirt and waited. I nodded. He slowly lifted my shirt up and over my head before dropping it to the ground. He tilted his head as if contemplating and gently turned me around.

I felt Liam gather my hair and put it over my shoulder. He caressed my back with his fingertips, making me shiver with pleasure. I heard him give a satisfied hum before undoing my bra. He turned me around again and took hold of my bra straps, pulling them down my arms.

When I dropped my bra beside my shirt, Liam took a step back. He looked me up and down, his eyes hungry. I wanted to cover myself under his intense gaze, my earlier courage wavering under his scrutiny.

My arms started to move, and he gave me a stern look. "You're not thinking of hiding now, are you?"

I shook my head and forced my arms back by my sides. "Good, because I want to look. You're quite the sight." As if to emphasise his point, he adjusted himself through his pants. I felt a thrill of excitement flow through me and felt the familiar throbbing between my legs.

Liam got down on his knees and kissed my belly. His rough stubble tickled. "Your skin is so soft," he said in a low voice. He undid my jeans and kissed a trail down as he unzipped me. His breath was warm, and I felt it through the cotton of my briefs, his last kiss placed just above my slit.

It was almost agony. I moaned at his teasing breath and lips. Then Liam pulled down my underwear and kissed my mound. I felt his tongue part my lips, and when he found what he was looking for, he flattened his tongue and moaned into me.

I didn't know what to do. For a moment, I wanted to stop Liam, but it felt too good. I could feel my resolve waning. I didn't want to wait. Why should we wait? What was I waiting for? I had to stop thinking and go with it, enjoy him, enjoy the experience. I put my fingers in his hair as he licked and sucked at me. He seemed to remember what I liked, and soon I was close to my peak.

One of his fingers played at my entrance. I silently begged for Liam to put it in. My core was desperate to be filled. His finger slowly entered me, and I was lost. I needed him. At that moment, all I wanted was to feel more of him inside me, have him fill me.

I felt like this was the moment. If I don't ask Liam now, I probably never would. If I didn't want him now, why am I even allowing this to happen? I wanted him. He excited me like no one had done since Andy. He had knocked down the defences I'd built to keep myself alone. Keep me in my grief and guilt. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted to feel desired again.

"Fuck me?" I asked. The words just tumbled out. I knew at that moment I would beg if I had to. "Please, Liam, I want you to fuck me."

I wasn't sure if Liam heard me. He increased his attention, and I felt the pressure building. His hand gripped my arse, his fingers digging into my cheeks as he pulled me closer to him. The short rough hair on his cheeks and chin tickled against my thighs. My legs buckled. I couldn't stand up anymore. He held me there while I panted and moaned, seeking release.

I felt my climax arrive like a bolt of lightning. It was sudden and intense. My body contracted as waves of pleasure exploded over me. Short, wordless shouts came from my mouth until it was over. I collapsed onto the bed.

I laid there a while, eyes closed, trying to catch my breath. Liam was shuffling around and heard his belt come undone. I felt the bed dip, and I opened my eyes to find Liam naked, climbing up the bed until his face was above mine.

Liam supported some of his weight with one hand and laid on me, our whole bodies skin to skin. He was warm to touch, and he almost felt hot to my now cooled skin.

"Ask me again," Liam said.

Part 8

#original story #original fiction #romantic story

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itmightbemikey · 3 years

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So yeah I'm becoming increasingly convinced I am actually living in some sort of horror story.

Okay, so, late last March I am up at like 3 AM like pretty much everyone was around then because time had just become utterly meaningless in that first month of Quarantine, just sort of pacing around my apartment like you do you are stuck in quarantine and it is 3 AM. Look out my front window, and across the street a couple houses down I see this:

Just, a big ol' cross of big red lights, just lighting up a porch.

At 3 AM.

Totally not ominous or anything like that.

I hopped on to Nextdoor to see if anyone had commented on the cross or explained it or wtf was going on, and, hidden among the 'found pet' and 'missing pet' and 'oh no a person in a hoodie walked somewhere in the general vicinity of my house plz be safe everyone' posts, there was this message, presented in it's entirety:

I have no idea what the reunion area is, I'm sure it's a charming place for... reunions, I guess, but, timing sure is a thing.

Anyway. Red Cross. It's just there, and as far as I can tell it's lit up 24/7, just there, outside my front window. Being an ominous cross glowing a bright red. Some peeps on Discord suggest that maybe it's just some sort of Easter decoration they had put up, and while that's not exactly a normal thing it at least sounds reasonable, so I just roll with that theory. Some people just be weird like that.

Anyway here's a pic I took in September.

Yeeeeeeeep. It's still there 5 months later. And it would remaion there until the end of November, when it finally goes away and is replaced with some sloppily thrown up christmas lights.

Though when the cross disappeared is also when my upstairs neighbor also just up and vanished too?

Like I don't have an exact timeframe on that, I just kind of noticed his van was no longer around. And then mid December a cop shows up at the building's front door, asking for him or if I'd seen him, because they found his van. It had seemingly been abandoned in a parking lot at the county event center outside of town, and they were trying to get a hold of him before it was impounded. Told them I hadn't seen him in a couple weeks, cop left to do other cop things, and I just kinda... sat with that for a while, because there really wasn't anything I could do beyond telling the cops "yo I haven't seen this guy for a while".

The Polar Vortex. My apartment was absolutely frigid, it couldn't get above 50, but my furnace was working and putting out heat. No idea where I was losing the heat, couldn't find any significant drafts that hadn't been there in previous years. So I trudge down to the Ace Hardware to get a space heater, pick up this tiny little personal desktop heater because it was literally all they had left other than the giant fuck-off propane heat cannons designed for heating warehouses or construction sites, and walking back up to my apartment building I look upstairs and see

The windows are wide open. All of them. In fucking February. And, since there's still been no sign of the upstairs neighbor, that means that they've been opened since late November, early December.

So my gas bill for Dec-Feb is an absolute fucking nightmare but that's besidses the point.

Skip forward to this week. Wednesday the landlord shows up, asking if I had any leaks in my apartment, there had been water leaking into and pooling in the basement. I tell them no, but mention that I think the guy upstairs from me hasn't been in his place since begining of december and the windows have been opened, maybe a pipe burst up there, to which the landlord looked.. confused and concerned at this. Which was a bit odd, because I'd figure the lack of rent checks after 3 months would have been noticeable, but maybe there were advance payments, who knows.

Anyway, landlord and his contractor got in and also called the police, they didn't find anybody up there (as well as no reports of him showing up in area hospitals), but they found the source of the leak. His toilet had been clogged and continually overflowing.

For Three Months.

Hey at least I know exactly why part of my bathroom ceiling had collapsed a month earlier. (I had reported it to the property management company but they apparently never forwarded the message to my landlord).

But hey, the windows are closed now at least, and the leak fixed. Anyway, the next day, I step out to pick up a package that had been delivered, and upstairs I hear a tap.... tap.... tap.... tap.... and sigh, thinking "Oh boy, what the fuck is leaking NOW." So, I head up the stairs to see if I could find it. I round the corner in the stairwell, start heading up the second stretch of stairs, when up over the banister pops someone wearing a full-on Gas Mask.

I certainly wasn't expecting that.

Turns out it was my other upstairs neighbor, she was sorting through some containers filled with items damaged in a house fire and was wearing the gas mask so as to not have the ash irritate her lungs, which she has issues with, and it was the respirators on the gas mask that was making the tapping sound. Anyway, we get to talking, she asks me if I know what's going on with the guy in the apartment next to hers, and I tell her the stuff I know, the cop, the landlord, the toilet, etc. And she tells me that around late November, she had started noticing a bad smell up there, but then one night shortly after she noticed the smell she heard a lot of stomping around and a loud ruckus in there, and it was after that that she too noticed the windows had been opened and that the shared wall between apartments had gotten ice cold.

Aaaand that's where I'm at right now. 10 ft below all of that. Just... living with all that information in my head. Had I mentioned that I'm on three different medications for anxiety? I'm on three different medications for anxiety, and I have all of that in my head. It's fine. I'm fine. It's Fine.

Anyway, if some of the worst stuff that's just circling around my brain meat comes to pass, well, I do have a way to defend myself. Because I got this nifty-ass corroded to all fuck Pipe Wrench that just so happened to fall out of my bathroom ceiling in January!

It's Fiiiiiiine.

#how I spent my quarantine vacation

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years

Text

BFCD Reviews by Nesha: Summertime on Netflix

This is what I’m gonna do... I’ll be doing more structured reviews later and most likely liveblogging suggested stuff and tagging with “Nesha Watches (Insert Title) for all liveblog posts. For this first review, I won’t be as structured, because I didn’t really plan on reviewing, so this is basically all of my comments to friends @chenoahchantel and @daintyurbanprincess that were made whilst I was watching this show suggested to me by @rbaifzau

It didn’t take me long to be annoyed with the white boy in this show. It doesn’t take much anyways, but one episode in and I’m over him already. This dude saw her at a party, she got pushed into the pool accidentally, he gave her a dry shirt, and two minutes later tried to kiss her… TF..

Girl, this bout to be IGNANT...

Chile... She was like, "What are you doing?" And he looked surprised. Like whet. And in episode 2 after having seen her thrice and spoken to her once, he telling his best friend, "I'm pretty sure I like her a lot." I HATE stuff like this. Why did I tell old girl I'd watch this and discuss it with her? 😭

But she like him, so like??? 😭

And her daddy, who we haven't seen yet is presumably a rolling stone. Only one negro in this town and the nigga gotta be probably running around on his wife? 🙄 I'm like, OH, so the one Black man in the show gotta be a rolling stone? And even though his wife is also highly irresponsible as a parent, she's sort of made out to be the victim of his dreams. They never portray Black mothers doing things on their own as victims. That woman was messing up left and right and it's all on her husband not being there, when that's only part of the problem.

Also, if she IS the only present parent and made the decision to do that, she should be doing it instead of leaning on Summer all of the time.

And she got a close friend that have an obvious crush on her but she seems oblivious. I hate dis

This dude reminds me of Max Theriot. He always looked musty to me. 🤣🤣🤣 He look like him breaf stank. Him and Jack Griffo were working on something where they play soldiers and I absolutely said, "He still look like he stank" when I saw him on Instagram…

This is basically the same mold of dude and it looks moldy and should be tossed out. None for me, thanks.

But, there are moments in this show that's really cracking me up. 🤣🤣🤣 It's like, I feel like I should enjoy it for the messiness of it, but the main characters can be infuriating.

She called him an asshole and he said, "You don't even know me." No duh dipshit. She ain't know you when you tried to kiss her neither. NOR when you was talmbout you like her.

This girl kissing her friend!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. She's gonna hurt this boy! My Gwad. He finna be discombobulated. 😭😭😭 He all happy today and she don't even see him like that. Lordt.

He walked up and she look uncomfortable AF. Her younger sister is like, "You're being weird." 🤣🤣🤣 Even SHE hip to something. He on the beach talmbout "It's hot today, don't you think?" And took his shirt off. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I like Summer's friends and feel bad for them because she really didn't treat them kindly. She used Edo whenever she was upset by Ale and then she just completely ditched Sofie on her birthday and didn't even text her or anything. Just had her waiting on her and didn't even apologize. Like, I love that she gets a chance to be human, but being an asshole to the people who you're supposed to be friends with is such an upsetting trope to me.

And the connection between her and Ale is so weird. He comes across as super predatory in the beginning and I don't understand why she liked him in the first place, but also whenever he does something by mistake, she is so angry at him, even though she's been just as inconsiderate when it comes to her friends.

NOW... HE HARASSING HER AT HER JOB.

WOTTICE DIS HUNNY???

Talmbout if she got a boyfriend he'll "take care of him" 😖 After she told him to leave and he said he'd wait for her outside, she asked her coworker, "What do you do to let a guy know you like him back?"

NOW, she went outside and he's there, but her friend showed up to surprise her after work. 🤣 Whoever made this HATES me

He stole a book out her locker and left a card with his phone number. How is this the start of a romance???

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. FRIEND IS TALKING ABOUT THE KISS...He said it was perfect........

Chile... And she don't even wanna tell their other best friend. Bruh. He said, "What we have doesn't need to be discussed." Summy PLEASE tell this young man...HE TRIED TO KISS HER AGAIN AND SHE SAID, "We just talked about last night's mistake" 😭😭😭

And she done hurt my friend this way, but she worried about Maxface because his mama can't reach him on the phone??? Girl.. go.. girl...

The gag is that she got mad at Ale because she saw him talking to his ex and she had to cover for him at work, but you've now ACTUALLY put your best friend in a bad space. And he ran into her mom and little sister and looked so uncomfortable but kept it short and sweet. These are people he loves. Idk. I feel bad for him and also like she kind of a hypocrite.

That was what REALLY bothered me. I don't expect her to be perfect, by all means. Black girls should be allowed their imperfections and their mistakes, but the fact that she knows what it's like to have the people you love be so absent and that she would treat her friends this way because of one guy who she's only known for a couple of months was disappointing for her character. She could have been written imperfectly without this glaring problem that I don't believe a real person in her position would actually have.

I think in real life, the girl who raises her sister and basically has to lift her mother up all the time would overextend herself to her friends, but instead, she just leaves them in her dust as soon as she gets some dick. 😭

He is now hanging out with her little sister. 😭😭😭She goes to school with them but she looks tiny. I'm cringing at everything.

BRUH. Like... I can't tell if they're trying to or not, but I wouldn't be surprised because he's cool with the sister too, but they've been friends a while, so I didn't think much of it until Summer hurt him.I thought she liked him earlier, so idk if he is noticing her or I just EXPECT it.

OAN, this man realized his son had a motorcycle accident on purpose and got mad instead of concerned

At one point, they say he's been riding bikes for 20 years, and whenever his father is mad that he had his accident on purpose (which I'll come back to) he says that he's never made a mistake like that, not even was he was 4, so Ale is AT LEAST 24 and she JUST turned 18. Which is WILD to me, even though at 18 I dated someone who was 23 (he was possessive and abusive, so I have a real suspicion of age gaps).

But, aside from that - she gets mad at him any time she sees him with his ex when It is perfectly fine to speak with your ex and whenever she did see them together, it was always innocent and she didn't give him a chance to explain.

But then, when he does something questionable, like whenever he tried to kiss her the first day they met, or whenever he came to her job to ask her out and she told him to leave but he said he was going to wait outside (toxic AF and presumptuous) she is fine with those things.

Now, back to Ale's accident. I really felt so bad for him whenever we discover he did this on purpose, because his father is mad, when they should be concerned. His mother says, "You could have died" and he agrees...

How did they not notice that meant that this young man was so disappointed with his life as a biker that he was literally suicidal? They just grazed past it and whenever he vanished on them, there wasn't a huge call to find him,even though he'd just admitted to purposefully filling a possibly fatal mistake.

I'm prepared for nothing but disappointment. ALL these people outta there. Ale's best friend is in love with his ex. 😭 IT'S SUMMER'S 18TH BIRTHDAY. MYNIGGA She really stood her other best friend up to go get some dick on a little ass boat

The little sister shot her shot! 😭😭😭 He told her she's like his little sister and she burnt off mad denna muffugga

This child drunk, walking down the street in the middle of the night without her glasses...

OMG AS I WAS TYPING THAT SHE GOT HIT BY A DAMN CAR

I was really upset by these things coming to light, and also whenever Blue gets hit by a car, because all of the reviews that I've seen on this site have been that it's a cute love story with likable characters, but nobody mentions the problematic content, the dark portions of the story that can be triggering - like suicide and alcohol incidents and literally seeing a young Black girl be hit and run by a car???

I wasn't prepared for that shit in a "cute love story." I think that this story is less cute and more dark than people have made it out to be, and that's one of my problems with it. It isn't marketed as a dramatic coming of age story. It's marketed as a romantic comedy, when it is more serious than that and has a lot of issues that should be considered.

The lesbian best friend is in love with her too??????????????????? I. Hate. This.

My favorite person in this whole thing is the lesbian in the background, Irene. And also Dario.

I was entertained a lot of the times. Just heavily confused because I couldn't figure out what the tone was supposed to be. 😁

In conclusion - it's maybe a dark comedy, not a cute comedy, IS a coming of age about a young Black girl who is kind of an asshole, but Black girls should be free to be assholes too. White dudes do it all the time and are valued characters. The dude is weird AF for chasing around this 17 year old girl and he's in his 20s. Idk if that's normal in Italy. It's nasty to me. Their beginning is young people foolishness and there's not much that we see their relationship built upon, but that happens, yanno. You young, tired and silly and some pushy dude makes his move whenever he see you. Slap some discount sex in a dinghy on it and you have this show. I don't recommend it, but a lot of folk loved it, so I guess it did what it meant to do.

#BFCD Reviews by Nesha #Nesha Watches Summertime with Regrets #Nesha Watches Summertime #It's just called Summertime. I watched it with regrets but #Here was my takeaway #Summer Bennati #Summertime #summertime netflix #Nesha Watches

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bondsmagii · 7 years

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The thing is, not every woman has ever been abused, but every woman KNOWS a woman who has been abused. Like, I haven't ever been physically abused by a man but I've seen what can happen, and I've seen it in close friends and family. When guys yell and gesture and pace back and forth, I get scared. When a customer screams at me and throws the silverware, thats scary. Its unfair to paint all guys in the same light, but when men are angry all I can think about is how quickly I can get away.

that makes sense, and I hope it doesn't come across like I'm invalidating or disrespecting that experience. it's perfectly understandable to be wary if you've experienced abuse or you've seen its effects, especially if the person in question reminds you of an abuser.

my only qualm is what I already mentioned earlier: it really does all seem one way. it seems as though victims of male abusers can say they hate all men because of the abuse they suffered, but victims of female abusers can't say they hate all women without being attacked. likewise, victims of male abusers can say they're scared of guys, but victims of female abusers will get hell for it. there's also the specific problem of the sheer, undiluted support that females have on this website. I've done a lot of unfollowing for posts that are cruel about men, but I physically can't unfollow everyone because there's such an abundance of posts that are casually rude, dismissive, or cruel about guys. I see countless posts a day telling me I'm weak, pathetic, inherently abusive, gross, dangerous, etc, and I'm a literal victim of abuse. likewise, I see countless posts about how women are inherently great, strong, superior, trustworthy, wonderful, etc. that's my abusers you're all talking about. when you say "all women", that includes the women who have abused me. when you say "all men", you're including me, and other guys who have suffered: guys who have been abused, guys who have mental illnesses, guys who have been raped, etc.

not only is this bad enough, but then the climate on this site and the accepted attitude makes it so we can't get support. we can't defend ourselves because we get choruses of "not all men". we can't express our distrust or dislike of women or we're misogynists. why is it OK for girls to be scared of guys because of what they suffered but not guys to be scared of girls? why are posts like 'all boys are useless/weak/pathetic" acceptable and reblogged countless times but of someone said the same about women, they'd be slaughtered? why is a female's abuse taken as more valid than a guy's? why, in posts about abusers/abusive tactics/advice on how to get help always gendered with the abuser being 'he'? do you know how alienating that is for guys who have been abused by girls? for girls in relationships with abusive girls? it's a horrible thought to consider that when one of my female abusers was yelling at me in public and on a rare occasion, I lost it and yelled back, everyone would be assuming I was the abusive one when I was the victim, simply because of my gender. an atmosphere is created where guy victims of girl abusers literally cannot speak out or we risk being eaten alive, and that's not fair. why do victims of male abusers get support but victims of female abusers are forgotten about at best and dismissed at worst? why do victims of female abusers have to endure post after post about how innocent and inherently great women are, and why do male victims have to put up with constant posts about how they're awful and have the potential to abuse? why is is OK to fear and hate all men because of what one man did, but misogynistic to fear and hate all women because of what one woman did? this is not right.

so I'm not disagreeing with you at all. I know what you mean. it's a perfectly valid reaction. all I'm saying is that it's wrong that there's a double standard. you at least acknowledge it's unfair but many don't. the thing that annoys me is that this is a valid reaction to men, or male characters who remind you of an abuser or of the potential to abuse, but it's misogynistic if the same reaction is towards women. it's also the fact that there's unquestioning, unwavering support for girls who have been abused by guys, but not anyone who's been abused by a girl. and I'm annoyed that the climate on this site allows for the constant bullying of dudes while simultaneously weaponising all of our arguments so we can't defend ourselves without apparently proving the attacker's point. so while I'm not saying your reaction is wrong, I just wish people would allow for it to go both ways.

#anon #asks #shitscourse

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