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#why is this so hard for anyone to actually do effectively............
merrysithmas · 2 days
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Charles' line "There's so much more to you than you know" has always struck me because it's SO easy for Charles to come off unlikeable-
"There's so much more to you than you know" (But I do)
"What do you know about me? - Everything." (Whether you like it or not)
"I know what this means to you but you have to let go!" (Stop this nonsense)
"There's a mutant here already! [Exposing Hank]"
"I don't want your pain. They sent back the wrong man [To Logan]"
"I've seen what Shaw did to you"
"I feel your agony [After Nina died]"
"[Jean expresses no one knows how it feels to be tormented telepathically] Oh but I do."
Like on a base level what he communicates is such an invasion of privacy and instantly gets the hackles up because it's not natural. He can sound, at first glance, self-important and even dismissive (Erik at one point calls him 'arrogant'). Charles' telepathy gift is so alienating. He knows people's most personal thoughts, feelings, dreams, and nightmares. Seeing into someone's soul is as simple as breathing and second nature to him -- and he knows how repulsive this must be (see: how profusely he apologized for outting Hank. This speaks to a past/youth where he clearly unintentionally shared the secrets of others or caused trouble with his abilities and disturbed the people around him or endangered himself/others).
But Charles can't help his powers in the same way that Rogue can't - actually, Charles' abilities could easily been seen in some regards as the psychic equivalent to Rogue's physical gift. She can't touch ANYONE without hurting them in some manner, she is dangerous in some regard. And it's the same thing with Charles -- wherever his mind goes he exposes and hurts people. It's a side effect of his powers.
But unlike Rogue, Charles can't wear gloves. He can try to keep up psychic shields (which hurt HIM), or he can promise Raven he'll never read her mind, but he can't ever lessen his gift. He can't be perfect but he has to try. He can't or he'll be hated, despised, and feared. Rogue and he share a similar distress. Rogue suffers from touch-starvation but has to deal or she'll be seen as a monster. Charles suffers from the same kind of thing is a psychic way - he has to block his abilities or be seen as arrogant, invasive, and holier-than-thou. He has to starve his mind and powers.
So that's why it's sooooo touching that he tries SO hard to do good with it despite all that. Especially as he grows as a person and sees how powerful he can be with appendages like Cerebro. He ALWAYS makes an effort to clarify his knowledge of someone's mind with encouragement, love, understanding, and hope.
He can't help reading someone's mind but he CAN help how they react to it or how they feel about what's been exposed and the constant effort he exerts to express empathy, kindness, and aid is a testament to how hard he works to do good with his mutation. He frankly just doesn't have to do that. He could be like Emma Frost or Jean Grey or Psylocke. They know your thoughts, they use telepathy, and it's as simple as that.
Charles feels people's pain so ardently, sees their struggles so clearly, that it literally torments him not to help. How can he see that and just walk away? Innermost pain and secrets are revealed to him by nature -- he could ignore it, exploit it, or use it maliciously. Instead he takes the information and tries to help (surely in part to make up for how sensitive the invasion is).
"There's so much more to you than you know" (But one day you'll be more powerful than me. Don't get lost, keep going, you have so much more to remember and you aren't just made up of this pain that is so so heavy for you. This is not all that you are, I've seen what you forgot, I promise it's still there. You're still a person. Hold on).
"What do you know about me? - Everything" (I have seen your whole mind - the good and the bad - and still I came out here to ask you to stay. Because nothing in there scares me and in fact it gives me hope. I need you. We could do something great together.)
"I know what this means to you but you have to let go!" (They'll succeed in killing you if you let them. You deserve better)
"There's a mutant already here!" (Thank god! And you're incredible!)
"I don't want your pain. They sent back the wrong man." (Proceeds to cry at Logan's life and is amazed at his strength, you poor poor man. Is inspired to keep going from Logan's strength).
"I've seen what Shaw did to you." (Shaw did it to you. It's not a shameful secret and you aren't Frankenstein's Monster. It won't stop me from seeing who you really are. You're free).
"I feel your agony." (Come back to us. I can help you. You're not alone. You never had to leave. You still have a family. Grieve with us.)
"Oh but I do" (I survived. So will you. I didn't have help and I also had parents who didn't love me. I won't let that happen to you or leave you alone. I promise. You can sleep. You're safe. I'll protect you.)
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azurem · 1 day
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I beg thou to share any Inkmare or Yuri Inkmare Headcanons thine has…
I need to feed my Inkmare religion/addiction
/np /silly
Cracks knuckles OF COURSE
Inkmare in general™:
1. Before kissing, Nightmare actually has the habit to hold Ink by the scarf because Ink used to disappear on him just before the kiss happened (yea he wasn't too happy on being left hanging)
2. Ink actually paints Nightmare some clothes and accessories. He's currently trying to paint cloth that repels goop just so Nightmare can have some color on his design
3. Nightmare legit thinks Ink is clever. Part of why they fit so well is because they actually find each other interesting. 90% of their time together is spent yapping at each other about stuff
4. Nightmare is the one who flirts the most. Fancy flirting. Ink usually is able to ignore it/let it slide up until Nightmare gets too insistent with it (Ink's forced to take it and legit gets somewhat embarrassed). In comparison, Ink almost never flirts unless he says it jokingly/he's high on pink (it's somewhat effective)
5. Ink's the one that initiates casual contact the most, though Nightmare does like to hug Ink by the waist once they're close enough
6. Nightmare got conditioned into liking the way paint tastes and smells. Canonically within the inkmare. He says it in an unserious tone but it's a thing that happened
7. Ink has an ongoing bit where every time he catches Nightmare fixing/taking off his jacket he does an ambulance sound (nm stares at him very hard every time)
8. They have a daily kiss quota of 3
9. Ink doesn't get jealous. At all. Nightmare gets jealous but he usually discards it quickly. He does give bitter stares, though
As yuri the inkmare goes practically the same except they do get official faster... for some reason. I just know it's a thing™
10. Early on relationship Ink got a "oh no I DO love him" phase where he just stayed inside the Doodlesphere without seeing anyone vs Nightmare whose love realization got him scheming
11. They like to mess with each other. A lot. They have an ongoing thing where they try to embarrass each other as much as possible.
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deiaiko · 3 days
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#22.6 Praise
Novick nervously chewed on his nail. He was waiting in front of the medbay, sitting on the couch. He was too restless to have lunch with the others.
He had gotten too carried away fighting the small Khun –Ran, his mind supplied– as he finally had someone on par with him.
Boss had looked really upset while he was healing Ran.
Even though Boss had never been actually mad at them, Novick had seen what Boss was capable of when he was upset. And knowing that Boss was fond of Viole's old teammates, he figured he might be in trouble. So it was better to get this problem resolved before it escalated further.
The door opened and he felt cold sweat forming on his skin when Boss stepped out.
"Oh, Novick." Boss's tone was unexpectedly calm. It was kind of scary, given the situation. "Why are you here?"
Novick blanked. How should he answer that? He wasn't particularly worried about Ran's wellbeing, given that he knew Boss was capable, but would it be rude if he didn't ask? Maybe he should apologize first? Though the mere thought already made his throat dry.
Seconds ticked by. He appreciated how patient Boss was, but there was still a limit to the awkwardness that both of them could stand. So Boss spoke to fill the silence. "Ran is fine, if you're wondering about that."
That was a relief, but it didn't ease his restlessness. He decided to swallow his pride, and said, "I apologize." He didn't intend for it to come out as a mumble, so he cleared his throat. "I will do better to control myself next time."
Boss shifted his feet to face his direction, and Novick could feel the weight of his stare. "Why?"
"Huh." His train of thought came to a halt from the unexpected reaction, and he dared to look up to meet Boss's eyes.
"I told you to not hold back and give it your best, didn't I?" Boss shrugged. "And you did. I don't see why you're apologizing."
Sure, Boss's expression was hard to read sometimes, but at least Novick could tell that he was not upset at him. So that was a relief.
"It wasn't your fault that Ran fainted. He consumed a lightning pill to boost his power, and that was the expected side effect."
Novick blinked. He did notice that after Ran ate something mid-fight, it had felt like a losing battle with how little chance he had for a counter-attack. But Ran's destructiveness was still incomparable to Grace's, and it was surprisingly easy to endure him.
"Ran was born a genius. A direct descendant and the brother of Mascheny Jahad herself. But you've worked hard to improve, and I'm truly impressed that you were able to stand him."
Novick felt conflicted. On one hand, he was swelling with pride. It was the highest praise that Boss had ever given him. The reason he liked to fight was because he liked to win, not because he wanted anyone's validation. However, it did feel really nice when someone acknowledged his capabilities.
Though that had also meant that Boss didn't have as much faith in him as he did with Ran…which was fair since he was biased from sharing lineages. But still, it had bruised his ego, especially because he couldn't say he won against Ran. He didn't get to steal his tag before time was up, after all.
"Don't sweat it. You will get other chances to spar with him." Boss stepped away and activated the elevator. "I'm going to the cafeteria. Coming?"
The cafeteria was only one floor above, and the stairs were right beside them. It was easy to figure that Boss was physically exhausted. Maybe he should follow him, just in case? It wasn't like he had anything else to do in front of the med bay anyway.
Looking back, the week leading to this day was used fully to exercise –with Boss as their main support, and Grace and Viole as their opponents. He could proudly say that his team worked better than before, but he also noticed that overworking had put some strain on Boss's health. Though that it was nothing new, unfortunately. Boss had always been too hard on himself, ever since Novick knew him.
The elevator let out a chime as the door opened. Only then did Novick noticed that the anxiousness from before had been long forgotten, and the thought of food made his stomach rumble. So, mindlessly, he got up and followed Boss to the cafeteria.
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pochapal · 5 months
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girl who is not going to be okay (i need to phone the gp to chase up a missing prescription)
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ajdrawshq · 2 months
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i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game
#an octopath ze au would be kinda fun actually.. especially the octo2 party#would love to see these guys in an escape room . it would be so awful#temenos would fit in perfectly and might even make a good mc given his 'truth lies in the flame' segments..#i could see partitio doing well bc of his creativity and general demeanor#osvald is great at math but idk how trusting hed be of everyone in this situation.. especially if they assume zero is one of them early on#throné . girlie im so sorry#i think shed do fine for the most part (hard to say how much her thieving skills would be of help here) but she did not deserve this </3#do not let ochette into any pantry or food storage room. i dont trust any of that food#i wonder if shed have her partner(s) here tho.. how do u handle an owl and/or jackal in this situation..#she would be great for morale tho#same for agnea tho i worry for her emotional state a lil bit . help her#who am i missing .. CASTTI#shes good at managing stress (both hers and others) in awful situations . thank god#and shes there if anyone gets hurt 👍#not that its likely outside of bad end situations ? tho i may be thinking of the 999 map too much..#would it be more fun to use that as the setting or something else altogether.. more modern or more like octopath 2..#how the fuck would someone even make an escape room in . what is it like the industrial revolution. steam era#would it make sense to be able to use magic in universe to pull off something similar..#the canonicity of some ingame mechanics is dubious so its hard to tell how malleable magics uses and effects are..#itd probably be easier to place everyone in a modern setting but i have no idea what some of them would be that way#.. modern fantasy setting ??????#what if they had smartphones in octopath. would that be fucked up or what#also who the hell would be zero . would anyone be in kahoots w zero.. or at least Know Things but be unable to say smth abt it#i straight up forgot to mention hikari earlier but hes prolly like. fine#his intrusive thpughts would probably Suck Bad here but hed want everyone to get out alive as much as everyone else combined#wait who would even be the 9th person. would it be zero. but who..#if it were octo1 id say kit but its harder to get a good octo2 equivalent of him.. hm..#oh god im out of tags . tho what would the game style be like.. nonary game ab game etc etc.. what would be unique but fitting..#am i gonna look into actual scientific theories for this . and how would the morphogenetic field come into play.. and Why..#octotag
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sad times, just realised new fav moot has endo "systems" (written like that) in their dni. :((
its not world ending and i wont unfollow them i'll js have to never ever bring up syscourse around them which is fine
i hope this doesnt end up as too big of a thing or i'll cry :(
im only 3 apples tall chat i js think ppl should live their lives how they want and that it doesnt actually effect anyone else ever
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hella1975 · 1 year
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yes im trying not to be so mean yes im working on my temper but under no section of my Healing Contract does it mention that these things must apply to my sister. in fact if you read the fine print it says im actively allowed to make her miserable. for my mental health
#she's so mean all the time like constantly telling me im stupid and shit#which probably didn't hit as hard before this econ degree but now every time she does it im just kinda like :/#and i laugh it off obvs bc am i fuck about to look put out by it#so she genuinely doesnt have any reason to stop bc ive not set any boundaries or communicated or yk. done anything correctly#i instead just let it frustrate the fuck out of me until one day im in a bad enough mood that i'll give as bad as she does#which i HATE bc as tough shit as she thinks she is i always think being mean - specifically the primary school way she does it -#is SO embarassing as a conflict method like girl 'you're stupid' is really the best you can come up with? bffr 😭#like when i say IM mean and SHE'S mean im talking about very different things#im mean less often than her but when i do it it's effective bc i literally catalogue people's insecurities and use them against them#like some fucking anime villian like it's actually uncomfortable to watch and i hate myself every time#whereas her way is effective bc it's all dumb comments ANYONE could make but she says them repeatedly until she wears you down#and of the two methods they're both shit but at least my way isn't cringe LMAO#so if i ever get so frustrated i revert to her method i just get v annoyed with myself like IM better than this she might not be but i am#and we've just been moving things in the garden with mum which is a flashpoint anyway#and me and my sister were just GOING at each other and it was all jokes until i said something she didn't like#and she was like 'what's your problem? it's fine when we're joking but you always take it too far' girl.#like i cannot accurately explain on here how ridiculous that statement is coming from HER#and if id said something actually horrible id get it but the convo was literally just#her: mum can i wear your watch for the chem ball coming up?#me: why do you need a watch for that?#her: ive got a dumb tan line on my wrist that i want to cover#me: i really dont think anyone is going to be looking at your wrists#THAT WAS IT LMFAO??? YOU HYPOCRITICAL LITTLE BITCH#ironically i had a field day with it like her saying that was the worst thing she could have done#latched onto it like a bloodhound fr my eyes must have lit up#i was like 'dont be such a baby' which is basically a fucking trigger word in our house#thought she was gonna hit me with a spade <3 peace and love on planet earth#godddddd i cant wait for her to go back to uni i HATE sharing a room i cannot escape her she's literally here as i type#i hope she knows im slagging her off to my niche online micro-community#hella goes home
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pepprs · 2 years
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hm. i think i am going to stop going to counseling. he does not understand me. he pathologizes things that are not pathological.
#purrs#the premises of counseling / therapy are that you need to have boundaries and be self sufficient and fully healed. FUCK THAT! relationships#are not transactions. we are allowed to need each other. we are allowed to blur lines. we are human and messy. our thoughts and feelings ar#PRECIOUS. im not letting go of my thoughts they mean EVERYTHING to me they are the key to the WORLD. im not letting go of redacted why on#EARTH would i stop redacteding to redacted that is HELPFUL for me. i don’t CARE about the roots. who the fuck is it hurting????? NO ONE!!!!#the way he flat out told me he agrees with my mom. bitch im done forever. im done literaly forever. i don’t know how to tell him but im don#forever. maybe it’s just my id which is what he said to me LMFAO and like maybe i just don’t like being uncomfortable or facing hard truths#but i don’t fucking think it’s TRUE!!!!!!!!!! yeah i need to grow yeah i have unhealthy behaviors. but i don’t need to let go of the whole#THING bc of some arbitrary transactional concept of what relationships are supposed to be / mean. ive NEVER had a counselor try to uproot t#the whole damn thing like omg what is WRONG with you. i#im paying this man $25 a week to UNDERSTAND me and not ONCE have i felt understood by him. counselors can disagree with me but i literally#never feel like he is on my side. he’s adhering to conventional ideas about what parents are supposed to be and friends are supposed to be#and work is supposed to be etc etc. and so patronizingly said just enjoy being 23 you don’t wanna waste your 20s! FUCK YOU. i will not#regret anything even if it’s unusual. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#and also i know he probably watches back thru the recordings and has like his supervisor and professors watch them too which means that#there is a whole team of scientists + my family studying me in a lab and thinking im insane and finding ways to tell me. but fucking bold o#him to assume he can give me any meaningful valuable insight when he is actively checking his laptop / phone during our sessions and rarely#if eve gives me a chance to drive MY OWN CONVERSATION THAT IM PAYING FOR and is so phony abt being on the recording. like Omg. maybe im jus#grown out of it. it fucking SUCKS bc i actually have things i am not normal about and really need help with and i can’t actually get help f#from ppl whose job it is to fucking help me bc they think im not normal about things i PROMISEEEE i am normal about. and the way i effectiv#effectively told him that and he responded that he can’t take that credibly bc there’s no action behind it BY WHICH HE MEANS I HAVENT#STOPPED REDACTEDING TO ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT REDACTED IN MY WHOLE LIFE? THAT I HAVENT DECIDED IM DONE LEARNING SND GROWING AND CUT IT#OFF?????? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF. INSANE. the ANTITHESIS of human. we are MEANT TO BE CONNECTED. FUCK!!!!!!!!!#delete later#my old counselors challenged me and disagreed with me b it i never felt like they flat out were unwilling to meet me where i am and#compromise with me. is that not what counselors are supposed to do???? or have i just had bad counselors until now??? because im NORMAL. i#swear to fucking god. im normal. im literally normal and it is not doing ANYONE harm. what is wrong with you. GOD
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toastsnaffler · 1 year
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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rassilon-imprimatur · 2 years
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I get it, but I think the “Doctor Who looks like crap that’s why we love it” mentality towards the special effects and imagery kills me. I get it, but I dunno, it’s always so reductive to the whole swathes of truly impactful imagery and magic tricks throughout the whole show, the classic serials and whatever else, as well as reductive to the budget and production contexts, I dunno. What are we comparing to? Hollywood level budget? Cinematic money? 
#I became obsessed with older special effects pretty early as a kid with Harryhausens and Godzilla and the like and I dunno#like take Godzilla when you step out of Tokusatsu fanbases you just get swarmed by IT LOOKS SO FUNNY AND BAD AND SILLY THAT'S WHY WE LOVE IT#a) no#b) you cannot deride these special effects without diving into the history of developing an entire rival art form to Hollywood and the like#c) compared to fucking what?#d) Godzilla Effects So Bad Lmao is actually a very Hollywood-centric mentality that dates back to Harryhausen himself reducing Godzilla#to a ripoff#and I dunno don't you LIKE seeing the artifice and the craft?#Don't you like seeing the magic trick?#Hartnell's first two years brim with insanely surreal and haunting imagery#and I'm baffled I don't see anyone else talking about how hard the Troughton era retools 50s B-scifi aesthetics?#season 7 looks and feels INCREDIBLE all cold and violent and scary#I admit a lot of Pertwee looks fuzzy and wobbly but again is the context and the successful illusions doing nothing for you?#Hinchcliffe/Holmes is the colonist fiction it is and I'm sorry but tHE STORM MINER?#The forests of Planet of Evil and Face of Evil???#I've gone on a lot about why I love so much of the look and effects of s18 to more or less Caves#but Six's time slides into something really really strikingly strange that I feel really can't be fixed to Bad or So Bad It's Good I dunno#I dunno!#I think I just really dislike the SO BAD IT'S GOOD mentality
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snekdood · 1 year
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Was tlaking to my bf about my issues w tumblr and he was like "yeah, ever since they got rid of porn neo nazis have been trying to take over the site" and i think that just makes everything make so much more sense on here. The puritanism, the division, the intentional misunderstanding, the fact ppl act like kiwi farmers and fucking. Record people they dont likes every fuckin action. Ppl making excuses for some of the most fucked up behavior. The fact i feel like i cant post my art lest i be hella judged for being #problematic in a way i dont know or understand, the fact ppl are so quick to call people problematic and dismiss them, the way people call you a "lib" like a conservative would and especially for things like idk. Not wanting to kill people. The fact we've somehow normalized saying "kys" to eachother, the fact everyones so fucking paranoid on here about eachother. Like Idk if i feel like i can call this a progressive site anymore or if i can even call it leftist when ppl are like speedrunning trying to prove horseshoe theory true and its like. Are they even real leftists? Probably some of them are or were and get swept up in bs secret neo nazis post. And its not like this is entirely new, neo nazis have been trying to manipulate people since forever on here. I just wish people could recognize when their morals have been compromised by a jackass whos good at wording things a certain way. Im starting to feel like the only way to interact w this site is to reblog pretty pictures and go.
#you may hate vaush but fr when i used to watch him.... a lot of the ways people have 'discussions' on here seems the same when he would#confront neo naizs. theyd try to weasel out of their positions or pretend they dont hold certain positions or try to manipulate leftists in#a way like 'ooh but this thing negatively effects queer people' but it was always easy to see through then bc you already knew#they were neo nazis. on here anyone can throw on a cutesy avatar and get away w saying the most fucked up shit and no one is#none the wiser. like neo nazis can just fucking hide in plain sight bc they know how to mimic how we look and act#while also trying to impront on us some of the most fucked up ideals.#idk. for example. anyone trying to act like theres a moral way to rape someone? probably a fucking neo nazi!#this website and the people on it are so untrustworthy and it sucks bc it can be hard to know whos actually on your side#this is why im an actions not words guy. they might be able to say stuff in a way that appeals to them but what are their *actions*.#how do their beliefs work out when they exercise them? how do they treat other people? does it seem like they want amy excuse to be violent#bc golly fuckin gee does that sound like a neo nazi to me.#the fact people seem way more grounded in leftism offline and not so... divisive. even if we disagree on stuff. kinda tells me everything?#bc if ur really a leftist why does that attitude suddenly change when you get online?
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slvttyplum · 4 months
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sugurus goal at the moment wasn't to fuck you just to fuck you, his goal was to feel how wet you felt around his dick thrusting inside of you and his tongue softly sliding over your neck. he saw how wet you got from grinding on the pillow below you, touching yourself, your breath rapidly getting faster, and the moans slipping past your lips, becoming more and more hoarse.
suguru needed that. he needed your wet pussy dripping and grinding on his hard dick that was slipping past his brief band; he was rock hard, and his cum was leaking past the tip. he couldn't look at you and continue to get pleasure from the intimate object any longer. he made a promise to himself that whenever he saw you getting off with the pillow, he would do you one better and fuck you then and there, and boy did he live up to that promise. 
he was surprised to see how much you actually got off without him. there was a slither of doubt that you actually enjoyed fucking him, but his doubt was covered up by the reactions he received from you when he was deep inside of you, rubbing on your stomach and pressing on it so he could feel how deep you were fucking you. your walls clenching around him every time he pushes into your sweet spot, your soft moans as whimpers when he presses into it for seconds longer. 
suguru knew that you grinding on the pillow and touching yourself couldn't possibly have the same effect of his dick softly pushing against your sweet spot and his thumb rubbing over your clit as your hands rubbed over your breasts. there was too much stimulation for you to even breathe properly. your body jolting with pleasure whenever he pushed into you, finishing over and over again just from him with no help from anyone or anything.
watched as you whimpered and moaned about being fucked dumb. he wanted to let you know that only he could make you feel this good, and no one else could. your eyes either squint shut or roll up. the feeling of his dick pushing your walls out and making your stomach clench from the overwhelming pleasure.
this overstimulation of him fucking you and not stopping until he was tired happened every day because he caught you on the pillow, rolling your hips with your tongue out as you built up the stimulation. you didn't want that; he knew that, he knew you wanted his dick pushing into your sweet spot with no stopping, he knew that you wanted to squirt all over him as you begged and whimpered for him to keep his hands on you. 
suguru didn't mind, though. 
this is what he wanted; he wanted you to come running to him with your dripping core, wanting him to fuck you, not the pillow that could barely get you off. it irritated him; he could make you feel good and amazing, so why not call him to fuck you? he didn't care if he had to take off work; if you wanted him to fuck you, that's exactly what he was going to do. 
as time went on, of course, the stimulation you got from the pillow couldn't compare to what suguru was putting down whenever he caught you. he had pleasure crashing down on you that you could barely comprehend what was going on; he had you finished in two minutes. getting on the pillow when you knew he was coming so he could fuck you like he was trying to prove something.
between the pillow and suguru, you threw the pillow out and started using suguru; he was way better.
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livinginshambles · 10 months
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No, you listen to me | James Potter
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Pairing: James Potter x Slytherin!Fem!Reader
Word Count: 3.6k
Summary: Aftermath of when you ran away from the Yule ball, cinderella style. after the Christmas holidays, both of you return to hogwarts with different objectives. James tries to find out who you are. You try to make sure he never will.
Notes: Not proofread. Mistakes. Once again because people keep forgetting, english is my third language, be kind. Themes of bullying, discrimination, very bad sister relationships. Regulus is like a BROTHER. James tries?
Masterlist Part one. Part three
_________________________
Your eyes scanned across the parchment, rereading James’ apology, but all you could really feel was disappointment and anger. What was even the point of trying to prove anyone wrong? You leaned back against the cushions of the armchair and pulled your knees up, wrapping your arms around them to steadily lock them in place. Then you let your head drop.
You pressed your watering eyes into your knee, effectively letting your pajama pants soak up any tears that threatened to fall. You gently rocked yourself back and forth while you tried to clear your mind. You wouldn’t let any of this get to you.
A hand pressed itself to your back, right between your shoulder blades. “Let’s get you out of here,” Regulus spoke up. His tone was hard, but only because of his clenched jaw when he thought back to how you had run off with a betrayed look. The second he realized it was James who was the mystery guy, he had kept a close eye. He knew things wouldn’t end well with those prejudiced twats, and he was right.
You pathetically looked up at him, and Regulus didn’t bother to hide his grimace at the sight of your face.
“Don’t exaggerate you arse,” you mumbled and shoved him light-heartedly.
“Back at you,” Regulus shot back. Then he sighed and motioned for you to scootch over so he could squeeze himself to fit in the armchair with you. “I know you. And I know you know what my brother and his friends are like. Why are you so disappointed?”
You stared at the lit fireplace, lost in thoughts, and eventually shrugged when Regulus nudged you out of your train of thoughts.
“I guess- I really liked the guy on the other side of the paper. And I really hoped that maybe he’d be in there somewhere. And I suppose that for a moment I actually thought James Potter was alright, you know?”
Regulus scrunched his nose in distaste. “Not at all, but go on.”
You shook your head in amusement at him, but let your eyes soften. “I’m sorry Reg,” you whispered.
“What for?”
“Making you listen to me whining about a guy that I know you have personal issues with.” You decided not to mention out loud the fact that those personal issues included the way Sirius had left Regulus behind in that household, escaping to live with the Potters and going as far as publicly calling James his true brother. Found family, he had proudly said.
Regulus knew what you were referring to. He smiled bitterly. “Well, brothers are overrated anyways. I’d much rather have a sister,” he said while nudging you again.
You hummed in contemplation. “I don’t know Reg; I’ll have to disagree with you on this one. I’d much rather have a brother than any number of sisters.”
“How convenient for us.”
“Very convenient indeed,” you smiled happily.
Regulus got up suddenly and turned to you with a stretched out hand. You raised an eyebrow at him.
“I meant what I said, you know. Let’s get you out of here. I do recall you promising me tea at your new apartment.” He looked at his pocket watch. “Well, it’s 5 o’clock in the morning, and the first train leaves at 6. What’s the difference between leaving in the evening or right now.”
“You absolute champ.”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
You laugh whole-heartedly and stuff the parchment in your transfigurations book. You and Regulus took the first train and left Hogwarts behind for the Christmas holidays. A break would do you good. Godric knows you needed to get James off your mind.
James carefully placed the glass slippers in his suitcase and covered them with a few sweaters just in case. He had caught the elves recklessly throwing suitcases into the storage compartment of the Hogwarts express before. You’d think that the use of magic would come in handy for tasks like this, but no.
“Prongs, I got you this?” Sirius pushed a sheet of bubble wrap into James’ arms. James offered Sirius an appreciative look.
After thoroughly explaining everything, from the moment when he found the parchment, to who you were and why he decided that he wanted to become someone you would approve of, Sirius had pieced the rest together and apologized to James for leaving such a shit impression on his mystery date.
James sheepishly pointed at his own solution. “Should I change it?”
“Well, I mean did you see how the elves throw around with our luggage?”
James mirrored Sirius' grin. This break truly came at a perfect time. After all, James would let you occupy his mind as much as he needed to find out who you were.
Two weeks flew by in a blur. You and Regulus had set up a Christmas tree inside your small apartment and had made a competition out of finding the most impressive gift for each other, with only 10 galleons.
You had found the most gorgeous black quill and enchanted ink set for him and were rather confident until Regulus had somehow shown up with what looked like emerald, antique and gorgeously over the top earrings. You had shot him a look and he had immediately provided a receipt to prove he had played fair.
“I just have great negotiating skills,” he’d said.
You had hummed skeptically in reply but had happily tried them on.
All in all, the holidays were a very welcome break for you. Which is why you were so very reluctant to pack your bags. The door to your room opened and Regulus stood in the entrance, leaning against the door frame.
“Get out,” you groaned in dismay at the interruption. Regulus shot you an unimpressed look.
“Not until I see you pack; we leave in less than an hour.”
You huffed in annoyance and threw a pillow at his head. “I’m not asking you again, Black.” You flopped back down on your bed dramatically in dismay at the prospect of going back to Hogwarts. Regulus elegantly tilted his head and let the pillow fly past him.
“One hour,” he enunciated, before walking off.
You threw another pillow his way and yelled, “Close the door when you leave, you twat!”
With a flick of his wand, your door closed.
Regulus waited for you with a bag in his hand.
“Where’s the rest of it,” you teased as you motioned to the small amount of luggage he held.
Regulus turned red but stuck his chin up. “Left them here for the summer,” he off-handedly replied. You laughed. “Great, so you can help carry this bag then,” you grinned and pushed your smaller bag into his hands while you marched out the door with your heavy luggage, dragged behind you.
When you entered the platform, and were handed the Hogwarts newspaper, you did not expect to find a picture of you and James at the Yule ball on the front page. ‘Who are you, Willow?’
You immediately folded the paper together and looked up in panic at Regulus. He looked around and found different students excitedly chittering to each other, all while pointing at the newspaper.
“That is so romantic,”
“I thought James was with Lily?”
“No, they’re just friends now.”
“I was wondering who he was dancing with.”
“She looks so pretty.”
“If I found out that my date was James Potter, I’d take off that mask immediately.”
“Well, she could just be shy.”
“So true, probably Hufflepuff, don’t you think?
“I really hope he finds her.”
You grimaced at everyone and all you wanted to do was disappear. “Relax, Y/N,” Regulus smoothly pulled you on board the Hogwarts Express. “No one will know it’s you.”
Despite knowing that he was absolutely right, you still faced the floor as you looked for an empty compartment. You didn’t realize that you were passing James, who had just come back from a train meeting with the other prefects. He had picked up on Regulus’ words and frowned. But before he could really stop to consider Regulus’ statement, Peter happily waved at him from the marauders’ compartment. “We’re over here!” he called out. James forgot about what he heard.
Remus held the newspaper up in the air when James finally took a seat. “Really?”
“It was Pad’s idea,” James immediately said.
Peter curiously grabbed the newspaper. “Any results?”
James shrugged. “It’s only the first day,” he tries to convince himself, but he was not very sure about this approach to find you.
“It’s going to work out, trust me,” Sirius said. “When she sees that you’re going to this extent to find her, you’ll definitely woo her for sure,” he claimed.
Remus pulled a face. “I mean, if she ran off cause you two were being pricks, again,” he gave both Sirius and James a sharp look. “And hasn’t answered any of your messages, I don’t think starting a witch-hunt of sorts is the way to find her,” he voiced out his opinion. ”She clearly doesn’t want to be found.”
“What are you calling my methods bad?” Sirius squinted his eyes at Remus in mock offense.
“I’m just saying they wouldn’t exactly woo me,” Remus dryly remarked.
“And yet-“
“Guys,” James interrupted. “I just want to find her and apologize. And ask her for another chance to prove that I’m more than what she saw.”
“Well,” Peter started. He turned red when all eyes were suddenly on him. “She will probably not reveal herself. But she’s still a student here. And she knows who you are. So maybe if you publicly show off kind acts, she’ll see how you can be?”
There was a beat of silence and for a moment, Peter wanted to change into a rat and crawl into a hole to hide. But suddenly he was patted on the back by James. “Peter, you absolute champ!”
James Potter was acting weird, and you knew exactly what he was trying to do. You huffed to yourself as you marched right past him while he held the door open for his friends and you, who trailed in right behind them.
Previously, James would have definitely let the door fall in your face, and you had anticipated so, thus smoothly switching your books to your left arm, putting your right hand in front of you in a bracing manner. And so it happened that you stood there frozen, hand flat against James' chest, because he had turned around fully to hold the door open for you.
You embarrassedly dropped your hand that still lingered against him, and a deep frown settled on your face.
“I’d take ten points from Slytherin for touching a student without their consent, but I suppose I’ll let it slide for today,” he arrogantly said. You wanted to beat him up. But you supposed you could let it slide for today. You scowled at him and fled past him towards your designated seat.
Something tugged inside James’ chest as he watched you turn your back towards him and hurry away. He walked to join the rest of the marauders, a ghost feeling of your palm against his chest.
It hadn’t just been you that he was more civilized with. You noticed when you found him volunteering in the library, putting away books back on the shelves manually. This bothered you, because he tended to specifically linger around the particular section in the back about Egyptian rites, your favorite. You knew he was there to hopefully spot any often-returning students.
You also noticed that less and less students were coming back to the common room, hexed. Aside from snide remarks, you hadn’t encountered much animosity from him anymore either.
Instead, you found yourself on assigned patrol with him, despite the fact that Regulus had kindly offered to jinx his broom during Quidditch practice so you wouldn’t have to.
“So,” James broke the silence. “How was your holiday?”
“Why do you want to know,” you immediately shot back before you could stop yourself. James raised his hands in surrender. “Woah, sorry, L/N, just making conversation here.”
You sighed and forced your shoulders to lose their tension. “It was fine.”
“Fine.” James repeated.
“Fine,” you confirmed.
That was the end of your conversation, in your opinion. James however, seemed to think differently.
“So did you get any nice presents?”
You shot him an annoyed look but ended up answering anyway. “Yes actually, Regulus got me these earrings,” you said, and you tilted your head to show him. James’ eyes lingered on your earrings. They looked good on you. The exaggerated gem made you stand out despite your sober attire.
“What else?”
“What do you mean, what else?”
“Why, did your parents not buy you anything or what?”
You halted mid-step and stared up at James. He noticed that he had said something wrong, and when your sisters came to mind, he hurriedly tried to take his words back. You didn’t let him.
“I don’t go home for the holidays,” you settled on. “I’m not particularly welcome there. My parents are as big of a fan of me, as Alyssa and Marla are.” You laughed bitterly and continued walking. James followed behind you, he didn’t say a word, instead waited for you to continue.
“Well, I’m in Slytherin after all. Which obviously equals being an evil blood supremacist. They wouldn’t want to associate themselves with that, of course,” you sarcastically remarked.
James felt guilt slowly seep in. Your words resonated in his mind and his hands grasped the folded parchment in the pocket of his robes tightly. Those were his exact same words of that night at the Yule ball, and he bit his lip. “I’m sorry.”
You looked up at him, surprise evident in your eyes. “You’re sorry?” You asked him in disbelief.
James nodded. If he couldn’t say it to his mystery girl, at least he could say it to you, he figured.
James watched your eyes light up slightly and for a moment, he was lost in a trance. He snapped out of it when you returned the question. “So how was your holiday?”
He grinned at the olive branch that you were reaching out. “Mine was fine.”
“Fine?”
“Fine,” he teased. You fought the smile that threatened to tug on your lips.
Patrol ended without any incidents to report and when you wrote that down, James peered over your shoulder to catch your circled dot on the ‘i’ of “nothing to report.” A sense of déjà vu dawned on him, but the sheer unconscious refusal to even consider you a possibility kept your secret safe.
When you were in bed that night, you couldn’t help but think about how at ease you had felt for the remainder of the night with James, basking in the familiarity of the person behind the paper.
With every patrol, you two put another step forward in the direction of a friendship of some sorts.
James couldn't deny the fact that with each time, he started to look forward to the next time, almost the same giddy feeling fluttering in his stomach as each time he would unfold his parchment to find new kind words written there.
You and Willow would be friends, James thought, as he looked at you while you were casually explaining Transfiguration to him while you two strolled through the corridors, not without the occasional insult at his 'lack of competence'.
But for now, James enjoyed the privilege of calling you by your first name. A friend of some sorts, he liked to think.
Perhaps he was wrong about Slytherins. Sure, there were some rotten apples, but he supposed there were rotten apples in each house. And you weren't so bad after all.
For the first time in a long time, you enjoyed your days at Hogwarts. Truly enjoyed them. You would send Regulus to the library to get you your favourite books, and would patrol every Thursday with James unless he had Quidditch practice. Then you would patrol with Abrams. You’d come across James, who would nod with a kind smile at you as you two have come to be cautious friends and patrol-partners. You hadn’t really heard anything from your sisters either, which was absolute bliss as well.
But then one day, you were studying Transfiguration by yourself in the library, and you just so happened to need to go to the bathroom. When you returned, you noticed your book was missing and you pulled a sour face before requesting a new one from Professor McGonagall who had looked over her glasses at you.
But that hadn’t been the bad part. No, the bad part was that you had completely forgotten that you had put your enchanted parchment that connected yours to James’ inside that book.
Sirius had victoriously grinned at his funny prank idea. He would change some spells in your book so that you would mess up and become a toad in class. He tossed the book on a table in the common room and a piece of paper slid out.
Sirius had seen the piece of paper before, and his eyes grew as wide as saucers. He jumped up, ran towards his room, and rummaged through James’ nightstand before finding James' parchment under his pillow and wrote something on it. He walked back down the stairs with James’ paper, and he watched in disbelief as a messy ‘hello’ appeared on the paper that your sisters now held. “Merlin,” he breathed out, but your sisters had already stormed out of the room.
You entered the Great Hall and felt everyone staring at you and whispering. Even fellow Slytherin students looked at you in contempt. You gave Regulus a confused look when you walked to the free seat next to him. He quietly slid over the Hogwarts newspaper.
Front page again. ‘Mystery girl uncovered. Not a Willow, but a Hanging Tree.”
You didn’t need to read the rest; you tore your eyes away from the paper. Tears threatened to spill, but you tried to keep a cool front. You turned around to look for James and found him and his friends sitting right behind you.
Whoever thought that putting The Gryffindor table and Slytherin table next to each other should rot in the dungeons, you bitterly thought.
It was your sister who spoke up first. “I can’t believe someone like you would make themselves out to be a victim. ‘Oh no, my sisters bully me,’” she mocked you.
You felt heat rise to your cheeks and got up. She got up as well and you stood eye to eye with each other. “You’re pathetic,” She sneered. “You’re the real mistake here. So go do what you do best- run away.”
You wanted to say something. Anything. But you felt weak and small again. So you turned around and walked away. Whispers continued to fill the room as everyone seemed to have something to say about you.
“How embarrassing.”
“She should be ashamed”
“A Slytherin like her?”
“She definitely wasted James’ time.”
With every comment you heard, you bit harder on the inside of your cheek, and when that last comment dropped, you balled your fists. Why should you be the one to walk away?
You turned around furiously and marched back towards James, who had gotten up to follow you and reached out his hand. You recoiled.
“Y/N, listen-“
“No, you listen to me,” you spat at him. You looked him up and down with a pained look, holding back tears of frustration and while trying to convey as much disgust as you could.
“If you didn’t like what you found out, you could’ve kept it to yourself and thrown the damn paper away. You had no right to publicly try to humiliate me like this. All of your kindness in an attempt to be a good person only shows how wretched you really are when you stop pretending and act cruelly true to yourself.”
James' eyes flashed with hurt and he shook his head, words were stuck in his throat. He wanted to cover his ears; he didn’t want to hear you say this to him. This isn’t what he wanted at all. You were wrong. He didn’t even know it was you until he saw the newspaper this morning.
But you weren’t finished talking yet.
“Has it ever even occurred to any of you,” you looked at the people behind him. You stared your sisters dead in the eye. “That maybe your prejudice and thoughtless assumptions and insults about how awful or evil we Slytherins are, is the very thing that pushes us down that path?”
You turned your attention back to James, who had an unreadable expression on his face now. “Your cruel comments are part of the reason and you, James Potter, are especially cruel.”
Your tone was sharp, face hardened and the entire Great Hall had fallen silent. Not even the professors spoke up. James felt like you had hit him in the face, and you might as well have. He looked down in shame at your words.
You shakily let out your breath and lowered your voice again. This time, you sounded tired. Reality seemed to dawn upon you that everyone in the great hall was listening to you, and you shook your head to yourself, taking a step back. You scoffed softly.
“I suppose you are truly worthy of the Gryffindor name; overly proud and arrogant in the name of bravery with a tendency to prove yourself, disregarding others and their feelings.” Your venomous words cut through James' heart.
James watched you walk away again and everything around him seemed to fade. He was losing you again. How had he not seen this?
Your situation with your sisters. The way you ran away at the Yule ball when he made a crude remark about Slytherins. The sense of déjà vu every time you walked past him, back turned towards him. Your handwriting. The feeling of your hand pressed to his chest just as when you two danced. The way you were great at transfiguration and could have easily transfigured those glass slippers. The way Regulus was the only student to frequently visit your favourite book section in the library. The chills you had sent down his back when you had allowed him to call you by your first name, and in return had called him James.
‘I’m in Slytherin after all. Which obviously equals being an evil blood supremacist.’
‘No one will know it’s you.’
Everyone knows.
Preview if interested
Part three
Taglist:
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fullhalalalchemist · 1 year
Text
🚨🚨CONGRESS SECRETLY TRYING TO SNEAK IN EARN IT ACT COPYCAT INTO MUST PASS SPENDING BILL (PLEASE READ EXTREMELY IMPORTANT)
July 20, 2023 Congress is right now determining what is included in a must pass spending bill the NDAA. Often congress will sneakily add as amendments their bills that they can't pass in a normal setting.
If you remember, I made a previous post about EARN IT being reintroduced here.
The EARN IT Act and it's copycats are bipartisan bills that will greatly censor if not completely eliminate encryption and anything sexual and LGBTQ+ from the internet, globally. Anything the far-right doesn't like will be completely gone. The best way to stop them is to use https://www.badinternetbills.com/ to call your senators.
Following it's initial introduction earlier this year was massive opposition from human rights, LGBT, tech, political groups, and grassroots groups. Bc of this, the senators decided to remake the bill but give it a new name, so they can still pass Earn It without actually passing Earn It. Those bills are the Stop CSAM Act (yes really, they actually named it that), and the Cooper-Davis act.
The entire point of these bills is to mass surveil and censor everyone and I don't know why more people or senators speak out against it. There is a direct timeline from when the Attorney General Barr (under Trump) said he wanted to do this to it's initial introduction in 2019, and how the senators explicitly knew they couldn't actually say that so they lied and said it was about "stopping CSAM" or "stopping drugs" for Cooper-Davis Act.
These bills essentially do the following:
they gut encryption, the one thing actually protects you from having your data seen by anyone. Do you want republicans to know you're trans? that someone had an abortion? that they spoke out against the govt? to see your private photos you have uploaded to the cloud? to see what porn you watch? if youre a journalist, or an abuse survivor, any hacker or abuser can see your stuff and track you.
they gut parts of Section 230, the one thing that allows anyone to post online and birthed social media. Previous gutting into 230 gave us the tumblr nsfw ban and killed that site.
they create an unelected commission with some already established govt body (DOJ, FTC, etc) that will include law enforcement and people from NCOSE or other Christian conservative groups who will decide what is and isn't lawful to say. no citizen can vote who's on this commission, and the president gets to pick. it's like the supreme court, but for the internet.
lead to mass censorship and surveillance because of the above
We have until the end of the month to stop this, but this can be added literally any moment until then. It's literally code red. If this is added it goes into effect immediately. The BEST way to stop this is to drive calls and emails to the senate. https://www.badinternetbills.com/ connects you directly to your members of congress & gives you a call script.
It is ESSENTIAL to call the Senate leaders who can stop this. Here's a more precise call script you can use: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1huD5Ldd1lPTECYTEb9Gg2ZzrqW6Y9tryHT-MdjOl8kY/edit
All these people expressed concern over Earn It, so we need to press them hard to not allow it's copycats Cooper-Davis or Stop CSAM into the NDAA. This is URGENT and needs all hands on deck. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) (202) 224-6542 Maria Cantwell (D-WA) (202) 224-3441 Jon Ossof (D-GA) (202)-224-3521 Alex Padilla (D-CA) (202) 224-3553 Cory Booker (D-NJ) (202) 224-3224 Mike Lee (R-UT) (202) 224-5444
Please please please spread this message and blow up their phones.
TLDR; The Senate is trying to quietly push the Earn It Act's copycat bills into the must pass NDAA, which will lead to mass censorship and surveillance online by gutting Section 230 which is the entire reason you can even be on tumblr and why the internet exists, killing encryption which put everyone's lives in danger, and appointing far-right people to a supreme court-esque commission that the president has direct control over. They could be added in ANY DAY and we need to push hard to stop it before it gets to that point. CALL YOUR SENATORS **NOW** BY USING https://www.badinternetbills.com/ AND CALL THE SENATE LEADERSHIP AND SPREAD THE WORD!!!!
5K notes · View notes
ellecdc · 7 months
Note
Can i request something bit angsty? 🥺 its totally fine if you dont wanna write it tho!
I was thinking, wolfstar x reader got into an argument and reader started to occlude and the boys got scared they might be out of line bcs she only occlude when shes really hurting?
this is my SHIT - love me some hurt/comfort. thanks for requesting, lovie 🫶
poly!wolfstar x fem!reader
CW: hurt/comfort, arguing, mention of past family discourse, toxic family memories
“I’m sorry. You did what?” Sirius beseeched, walking into the living room from the kitchen and interrupting the points (arguments) you and Remus were each in the process of making. You gave him an unimpressed look, knowing he wasn’t actually asking you to repeat yourself, he just couldn’t believe what he had heard.
“She gave Mary-Ella over a grand.” Remus muttered bitterly.
“I did not give Mary-Ella money, I loaned her money.” You were quick to correct.
Sirius just scoffed. “Sure you did, dollface.” He sneered, making his usual pet-name burn to the touch. “You are never going to see that money again.”
“What were you thinking?” Remus implored.
“I was thinking that my friend was in a bind and needed help. I hardly think that’s a crime.” 
“You didn’t just loan a little bit of money, though. You loaned a lot of money to a friend who is not reliable in the slightest.” Remus asserted.
“We have been working so hard trying to save up to move. To move closer to Diagon Alley so that Remus can be closer to work, and we can finally get out of my uncles flat.” Sirius added.
“I know we’ve been working hard, Sirius. I know this because I too have been working hard. But I’m not going to watch my friend struggle when there’s something I could do to help!”
“This choice impacted all of us. You had no right to make this decision on your own.”
It was your turn to scoff as you turned to glare at Remus incredulously. You had been trying to stay patient, knowing that this close to the moon, Remus was feeling extra sensitive. But him ganging-up on you with Sirius quickly found what little patience you had running thin. “I 'had no right' to make a decision about money that I made on my own?”
“You have no ground to stand on, buttercup. You’re now out more than a grand because of this choice; we’re all out more than a grand because of your choice.” Sirius growled, tone full of derision.
“If the roles were reversed, Mary-Ella would help me out!” You tried to reason, only for Remus to bark a laugh.
“That doesn’t even matter, dove. Because you’d never be in her position and likewise, she’d never be in yours. She’s irresponsible, unreliable, and a mooch.”
You tried to ignore the burning sensation in your sinuses as you spoke to the back of Remus’ head; he apparently had grown so disgusted with you that he couldn’t even look at you anymore. 
“I don’t like you talking about my friends like that. I don’t understand why we’re making such a big deal about this, I jus-” but you were cut off as Remus stood abruptly and turned on you. 
“We’re making this a big deal because it is a big deal!” he bellowed. “You leave this apartment in the morning and it’s like Sirius and I don’t exist anymore. You conduct yourself like some single woman with no responsibility to anyone else but herself.”
“You’re being selfish. You can’t possibly expect to drop a bomb on us like this and, what, expect us to just reply with ‘yes dear’? You fucked up, Y/N.” Sirius added, arms crossed defensively over his chest and cold silver eyes glared daggers that permeated your entire being. Remus carried on, unperturbed by the effects this conversation was having on you.
You felt like you were seventeen again, like you were eleven, nine, six. You felt like a babe whose hand had been slapped for reasons beyond your comprehension.
Do you ever stop and think about the consequences, Y/N?
You were sitting at the dining room table as your father lashed you with his words, each sentence punctuated with the slamming of his fists on the table. You were standing on the platform having just reunited with your parents after the school year as your mother’s claws dug into your arms, warning you that punishment was to come later if you didn’t smarten up. You were cowering in the backyard as your father screamed at you in front of the entire neighbourhood – a free show for all to enjoy. 
You think crying will earn you any sympathy here? You’re a manipulative little witch if you think that will work on me. Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about. 
You felt naked – like your figurative clothes had been violently ripped from your body – and there you stood, stripped bare for all to leer at. Standing before two people...who were meant to love you unconditionally...as they laced their words with venom and spat vitriol at you.
You couldn’t even hear the point Remus was trying to make anymore. It didn’t matter anyway.
He hated you. You were hated. You were a disappointment, a burden, unwanted.
But you couldn’t cry – could never cry. You’d just be manipulating them. You were deceitful. Emotions were deceitful. The way you felt was wrong. And they were right.
Always right. 
So, you did what you always did; you made it quiet. 
You began layering rows of stones around your being. Protection. Space. Distance. Safety.
They couldn’t hurt you from all the way in here, not from the other side of your wall. You’d be safe here. Here in the quiet.
It was safe in the quiet. 
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Sirius felt disgraceful at how long it took him to notice the signs of you pulling away from the conversation. Away from them. Away from him.
Remus – always more sensitive than the two of you when it came to the likes of money, combined with feeling extra flustered with the upcoming full moon – had no reason to expect nor recognize signs of occlusion. 
Suddenly, Sirius was fourteen again. Walburga was standing over him with her wand aimed at his chest, but all he could see was Regulus. He had prayed at the time that his brother could hear him begging in his mind:
Turn it off, Reg. Just turn it off. It can’t hurt you if you turn it off. 
Sirius himself sat in an almost constant state of occlusion during his fifth year, knowing somewhere deep in his gut that the beginning of the end of his life as the heir of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black (or the end of his life in general) was near. 
Growing up wasn’t a whole lot easier for you, it seemed. And he knew that when things got to be too much, you did what you needed to do to protect yourself.
He suddenly hated himself. You weren’t supposed to need to protect yourself from him and Remus. It was their job to protect you; just like you always protected them. 
How you protected Remus from wasting away on the days leading up to and recovering from the full moon. You never let him go hungry or thirsty, you always made sure the space was clean and tidy, and you never let him fall into his typical pre- and post-moon self-loathing.
And you protected Sirius from himself; from saying things that he wouldn’t be able to take back, from being the worst version of himself, from losing you and Remus completely. 
He didn’t deserve you.
You didn’t deserve this.
For fuck’s sake all you had been doing was being kind.
Being a good friend, someone that others could rely on, protecting people who meant so much to you. 
All you were doing was being your kind, courteous, protective, generous self that Remus and Sirius had fallen in love with from the very start.
“Moony!” Sirius pleaded, causing the lycanthrope to pause in his tangent. You didn’t even flinch at the sudden change in the atmosphere as Remus looked at Sirius bewilderedly. 
“We’ve lost her.” Sirius murmured quietly, causing Remus to spin to observe you. 
“Well...” Remus began, still struggling to shake off his anger and the need to argue. “But I-”
“It’s enough, Remus.” Sirius hissed quietly, staring at Remus with a look he hoped conveyed no nonsense.
He apparently succeeded as Remus let out whatever breath he’d been holding as he turned again to face you.
“Dove, I’m sorry.” Remus whispered as he tried to move towards you, but you instinctively took a step back to maintain the distance between you; your arms wrapped around your middle protectively as if that was all that was holding you together. 
Sirius’ heart felt like it split in two – and based off of the look on Remus’ face, he wasn’t fairing any better.
“Y/N?” Sirius tried. You didn’t turn to look at him, but you hummed in quasi-acknowledgement.
“Can you look at me?” He tried quietly, but you shook your head no. 
Remus made a pained sound as he tried to move towards you again, ducking his head down in an attempt to make eye contact with you. You didn’t back away from him this time, but your arms tightened in their hold around your middle.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry I...I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I’m...I was out of line.”
“Come back?” Sirius pleaded. “Please.”
You took a deep breath and turned your face towards your boyfriends, but Sirius could tell your eyes were still foggy – you were still hiding.
“We won’t talk about it anymore. That conversation is done.” Sirius said.
“But-” you started, voice grating from the tightness in your throat, but he cut you off.
“The conversation is done. You did what you thought was right, you were being your kind lovely self, helping your friend when they needed you. We shouldn’t have yelled at you, sweets. I’m sorry.”
Remus made another pained sound and moved closer to you again.
“Dovey, I’m so sorry. Please, can I- would you like a hug?”
Sirius watched as you looked at Remus, seeming to weigh your options before you nodded once at him. Remus needn’t any more invitation and quickly (though gently) made for you, enveloping you in his arms. 
The three of you stayed like that – Remus with his arms around you, you with your arms around yourself and your face pushed into his chest, and Sirius standing helplessly at the side – before Sirius started to notice some tension leaving your shoulders.
“Why’d you go?” He asked you quietly, gently placing a hand in the middle of your shoulder blades and rubbing in a way he hoped was soothing.
“I didn’t want to cry.” You admitted into Remus’ chest, neither boy missing how tight your voice seemed to be, even as your voice barely raised above a whisper. 
“Oh, dolly. Just cry. Cry, okay? Make us feel like tossers, but don’t leave.” Sirius said.
“I didn’t want you to feel bad.” You muttered wetly, finally turning so Sirius could see your red and wet face. 
“But we deserved it. Oh, my love.” Remus cooed as he all but picked you up and locked your legs around his hips, forcing you to move your grip from around yourself to around him.
“I’m not s’posed to make you cry. I’m s’posed to make you smile.” He muttered pitifully, pressing his lips into your hair.
“And cum.” Sirius spoke in the same pitiful tone, brushing a strand of hair from your forehead.
You laughed wetly and the last of your occlusion appeared to slip away which was what Sirius had been aiming for. It didn’t make him feel all that much better though.
“Oh, my girl. I’m so sorry, Pads is right. You were just being your lovely self, and I’m a bastard.”
Sirius watched as your brows furrowed. “You’re not a bastard.”
“No,” Sirius agreed readily, “he was just being a bastard. Both of us were. Do you think you can forgive us?”
You nodded quickly but Remus tsked in response.
“Don’t let us off so easily, dovey. Make us pay for it. What do you need? Do you need a foot rub? You want cake? Ice cream? What about a kitten? You’ve always wanted a kitten.”
You had been shaking your head at everything Remus said until the last one, your curiosity obviously piqued.
Fuckin’ hells, Sirius thought, if she gets a kitten everytime one of us acts like an arse, we’re going to be overrun with cats by next month. 
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amidnightjen · 1 year
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“What the hell is this?!”
The words startle Steve awake more effectively than his alarm ever managed and he flails a bit, almost falling off the couch until he recognises Dustin looming over him, hands on hips looking extremely unimpressed.
(Later Steve will have time to be fondly amused that the gesture came from him.)
“Henderson?” he asks, blinking up at the kid with bleary eyes. “Jesus, what time is it?”
“6:30,” Dustin informs him.
“In the morning?” he croaks.
“Yes, in the morning!” Dustin snaps. “What the hell is this Steve?”
Steve is still mostly asleep, he knows he looks like a mess and he also knows that he and Dustin did not have any sort of plans that would give him reason to be waking Steve up at six-fucking-thirty in the morning. So he says, “Sleep, Henderson. It’s sleep.”
Dustin does not look amused by this. “Do you always fall asleep on the couch with Eddie?”
Steve blinks up at Dustin, confused. “What? Eddie?”
Dustin gestures behind Steve and Steve, against his better judgement, turns his head to find that Eddie is in fact on the couch behind him. Turning put him face-to-face with the other man and Steve just sort of blinks in befuddlement before wondering aloud, “Jesus Christ how is he still asleep?” Because he genuinely has no idea how anyone could be sleeping through Dustin’s sheer volume.
“That’s all you have to say?” Dustin demands.
“It’s early,” Steve complains.
“You’re sleeping with Eddie!”
“Well i was,” Steve groaned, “right up until you started shouting. Why are you even here?”
“Sleeping. With. Eddie,” Dustin repeats in case it was lost on Steve the first time.
“It’s six thirty in the morning!” Steve points out. Again. What else was he supposed to be doing at that time of day?
“Sleeping with Eddie!” Dustin repeats like a bad record, needle skipping back and forth.
Steve is too tired for this. “Make sense or go away and come back in two hours.”
“Steve,” and Dustin sounds very serious now, “are you having sex with Eddie?”
“…no?” He squints at Dustin, a little concerned about the kid’s knowledge of sex if he’s asking that when Steve is lying fully clothed and half asleep next to an equally fully clothed and still asleep Eddie.
Dustin does not find this funny. “Then what the hell is this? Why are you cuddling on the couch?”
Relieved, Steve says, “Oh, you didn’t mean that literally.” Then he shrugs. “We must have fallen asleep down here.”
“You fell asleep cuddling on the couch?” Dustin’s voice is very dry.
“…i guess?” Steve doesn’t actually know how the cuddling came about - would he call it cuddling? - but he gets the feeling he should be more worried about what Dustin is insinuating than he is. Mostly because, “Seriously, why the hell are you here so early?”
“Apparently, to catch you and Eddie snuggling on the couch,” Dustin snipes. “Is this going to be a thing?”
Steve looks long and hard at Eddie, doesn’t let himself sink too deeply into the thoughts or the fears, just looks at him and then he says to Dustin, “Yeah, probably.”
Dustin’s outrage is not faked this time and it is loud enough to finally wake Eddie.
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