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doberbutts · 5 years

Text

xanswerxthatx replied to your post “xanswerxthatx replied to your post “Lmfao @ that rescue. My parents...”

that makes sense. i've honestly never known bigger dogs with similar issues with regards to boundaries though, so while i agree it can occur with any dog, it's just what i've seen from the pet sitting clients i've had. i imagine it's a lot easier to ignore the boundaries in a dog you can pick up. you would absolutely know better than i would given you're a trainer and i'm not!

So yesterday I went to PetSmart to do some training with Tiki and while there we were charged and growled at by A Small Fluffy Dog and a border collie owned by two entirely separate people. The little dog (still about twice Tiki’s size) was riding in a cart and jumped out of the cart to get to us. I just scooped Tiki up and walked away quickly because fuck that my dog’s probably in the midst of a fear period and I do not need her single-event-learning strange dogs are bad because of someone else’s shitbag animal they can’t control.

Apparently the owners did nothing to rectify the situation outside of picking up said little dog after chasing him around the store and then plopping him back in the cart, so he got to repeat his bad behavior with an adolescent border collie who walked by him a few moments later. The border collie, being bigger, was not immediately scooped up and instead got to be on the ground while the owner fended off the Awful Little Beast until, once again, he was plopped back in the cart.

However, now fired up and itching for a fight, the border collie who had initially walked past Tiki and I without glancing in our direction now honed in on Tiki performing sits and downs in an aisle and exploded. What had been an easy task for him was now impossible, even though neither time passing us was he less than 5 feet away. After trying, and failing, to regain control of the situation, the border collie’s owner did eventually scoop up her flailing and snarling dog and march him out of the store. She was very upset with his behavior and, while she acknowledged that it was probably the Terrible Tiny Thing that set him off, she was frustrated that he was so affected by it to be going after a dog that paid him no mind and wasn’t anywhere close to him.

This is why I say that these situations do not have to be “little dog problems” vs “big dog problems”. Both owners did their dogs a disservice here. The small dog’s owners had a known liability offleash, unsecured, and did nothing to warn passersby or restrain their dog when the known trigger appeared, and yet still took him into a place where his triggers (other dogs) are going to show up. In doing so, they ignore the boundary he’s put in place (I hate other dogs and would like them to Be Dead), they remove any ability to teach him correct social behaviors and manners (being in a cart high above most dogs’ heads and not working on calm as dogs pass), and they all but encourage him to practice the bad behavior no matter how many times they gasp and call him a bad boy (deliberately bringing him into a store where dogs are expected to be, offleash, knowing he’ll jump out of the cart to instigate). They ignore the big outbursts and continue shopping, just so that he can repeat the behavior however many times a dog passes by them, until they’re ready to ring out. This dog is practically being trained to be an asshole, and yet he’s in the hands of people who “don’t understand why he acts this way”

But in the same vein, the border collie is both a victim and a perpetrator of the same. Her dog was aggressively charged and nearly attacked by an oncoming dog that he was dutifully ignoring. He seemed young, under a year old. Very impressionable time for him and for many (intact) dogs a very macho time as well where their hormones tell them they’ve got to be the biggest baddest thing in the room. There’s not a lot she could have done differently during the initial attack except maybe pick him up and speedwalk away like I did. Afterwards, however, she didn’t pull him into a quieter aisle and let him decompress, she didn’t praise him for his good behavior of not reacting to the other dog’s aggression, she didn’t take a moment to calm her own emotions so he would stop feeding off of her aggravation. Borders aren’t “big dogs” but they’re not what I’d call little, and herders are always very sensitive to their handlers especially when young like that. She ignored his boundary (I do not like it when strange male dogs try to attack me) and his emotional and social needs (I need a moment to collect myself after being attacked by another dog, Mom is Upset About Things which means I also need to be Upset About Things) and allowed him to practice a problem behavior (I’m now uncomfortable about the presence of other dogs around me so I’m going to get that other dog before it attacks me too) and, unfortunately, also is in the hands of someone who marched him out with a “I don’t understand why he acted this way, he’s never like this”

Little dog vs big dog makes the way you might handle a situation like this change shapes, but both of these people fell through on managing what their dogs needed in the moment, which means both of these people now have dogs who have practiced problem behaviors and may continue practicing them in the future. Like I said, it’s not to say that big dogs don’t also have these problems (and thus why I’m still in business- especially dogs like that border collie have been my bread and butter for years), simply that if the little dog’s owners had reacted to his behavior as though he weighed 80lbs instead of 8lbs, perhaps they would have prevented the second charge more effectively and now that border collie could have safely walked through the store instead of joining the thousands of young impressionable dogs that learn through these experiences that other dogs are assholes. Similarly, if the border collie’s owner had allowed the both of them a moment to collect themselves, he may not have reacted in such a way towards Tiki, and could have ended his PetSmart experience on a high note instead.

I have the same conversation with people who own giants and muscle breeds for the macho aspect. I find both those types of dog owners, and little dog owners who treat their dogs more like an accessory or a toy, are much more similar than they are different, and cause a lot of the dog-to-dog behavior problems dog trainers like me get to fix in class settings. In a way, I should be thanking them for their negligence, since it pays my bills.

#xanswerxthatx #replies #text post #ngl when that dog rushed us I just like #noped straight out of there #fuck that shit #I have an impressionable young dog that's underweight and recovering from having been sick #I am absolutely not rolling the dice to see if that dog hurts or scares her by leaving her on the ground #I absolutely will punt or yeet any dog trying to attack Tiki don't test me #similarly if Tiki fits in a dog's mouth she doesn't get to meet it unless I know for a fact its safe with little dogs #all it takes is one bite #that's it

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kissmethroughthebone · 4 years

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TW for sexual assault

I still hate thinking about my second SD, I was so young and we already had sex 14 times in a row and I eventually was in pain, and this entitled asshole, despite me saying I was in really bad pain, and extremely sore in the pussy, decided to completely, and I do mean completely, ignore me. With nothing more than a grimace and a snarky attitude that tried to insist *I* was entitled or overreacting after *14* times of getting dicked in a row from 10pm to 7am the next morning.....

And just went, "Well, we'll just have one more time and be done with it!", and scoffing, making it seem as if there was no other option.

And just for his reaction to be like that, and me being scared of losing someone who had my ideal allowance at the time AND provided me a lot of good, plus my clothes being too far away to get dressed, and remembering how I didn't eat or do anything for a long time before then..... I obliged just out of fear.

Seeing a man cum in me while I was in pain and not remotely interested? Fucking traumatizing.

Especially with a similar past. "I finally have someone who can do WELL for me", I thought. But, he hurt me.

The way he brayed like a donkey during sex before quickly went from amusing, to mocking. The way he HAAAAAAW, HAAAAAAAAW-ed in my face, (lmfao okay i chuckled when writing this line,) was tinged with a gross smugness. As if he was doing it to now go, "I get what I want, whether you like it or not. Take this and bear with it?"

Especially since the way he came so fast, it would've been easier to masturbate.

Just for a week later, all his promises fell through. Whatever illusion he had before of being some wealthy god or whatever? Fell through. It went from "I can take you to Italy, Calistoga, Paris! I can get a chaffeur to take you anywhere you wish. I can get into more food places like this too, for fine dining", to "Let me see what the cheapest Greyhound would be like.... Also, no dinner, no anything, just planning to have sex for 24 hours straight at my place in Carmel, and also my practice is reaaaaaally expensive to uphold, so I'm cutting your allowance to 250."

Ever want to slit a mans throat? I did.

And well, a part of me hates not saying no, since I believed I could suck it up if I could get an allowance the next week, or have another great luxury experience. Something good......

Traumatizing. :/

Hate that. So much.

Not the first or last assault. Similar experiences. Once more of me grinning and bearing it when some creep tried to have sex with me entirely flaccid, (i dont get it, at all,) and then had the nerve to try and FORCE it in raw without my fucking permission. I legitimately had to kick in him the chest to get him off of me. And only THEN did he suddenly get turned on, at near-raping me and having me kick him in the chest.

And then after a long break from the bowl from that, met another fellow. We clicked well, things seemed great. They looked worse with clothes off..... and, the gross degrading aspect of "i can do what i want with this young lady, since she knows that she needs the money".

You ever had a gross man lick your armpit OUT OF NOWHERE in the middle of semi-tolerable kissing up and down your face, neck, and breasts, then have the audacity to TONGUE KISS YOU AFTER IT?

And him insisting on staring me in the eyes as he aggressively pinned my breasts together, rapidly shaking his head sideways to do some weird modernized version of "motorboating", (which actually hurt, and was really fucking unpleasurable at the pointy tongueness and rapid speed he was using,) while going "Still wanna go to London with me, eh??? Not having any regrets, eh, no second thoughts????? Hahaaaa", and continuing on, in a way that seemed mocking.

It got worse, since oh look.... yet another case of "fat man tries to distract very skinny girl by using his mouth on her vagina/breasts, then trying to pin her down with his weight or hand as he sneakily tries to force his dick in, as if she would NOT notice", and then laughing when caught.

But unlike the situations before, I immediately left. Immediately. I even told him that counts as rape, and that there are entire laws against it. He was shocked when he heard I kicked the last guy in the chest for doing so. (As if I was the bad guy.... Fuck. That.)

And demanded an apology.

Took my money, took my gift, got dressed and paid for my own fucking uber home.

And it was good.

I could talk more about the other gross aspects I wish I spoke up on. Like how I didn't notice the second rapey guy had a grossly white coated tongue, and the way he eas insistent on tongue kissing, but he thought tongue kissing was to just stiffly put his entire tongue in my mouth, not move it whatsoever but aggressively let the saliva FALL in HUGE slimey pools from his mouth, with no restraint whatsoever. (I don't know why he thought that would be okay, or if his kink was grossing or weirding out women, but I stayed silent and swallowed, since well, I thought it would pass, and didn't know the option of going "this is disgusting and im leaving" was doable. And I thought I wouldn't get sick, since it was just saliva, until I saw how white his tongue was... And the stomach pains lasted for days, since it was legitimately three mouthfuls of it. I didn't have uber money either, before I knew I could ask men for it on dates.)

I was disgusted. And also angry at myself. And my life. I've been too used to tolerating so much disrespect, grossness, or bare minimum or less that I didn't know I was able to turn down whatever was unacceptable. Since I was used to a life where everything had to be accepted, and that I needed to suck it up and deal with the hour or so of struggle if I wanted that food, that money, that job, that boyfriend, that opportunity......

Ugh.

I really hope I can get a therapist and forgive myself when all of this shit ends.

I do wanna feel better eventually.

I truly do forgive myself and must remember to never let that happen again.

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palmettoes · 6 years

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hi babe so have you ever considered neil and matt sharing an apartment? maybe they're on the same team or close enough to share one, and it's absolutely amazing because these boys love and support each other so much. but then.. they're also both absolute children when left alone together and the foxes get updates of whatever the most recent thing is with one completely ridiculous picture that never gets explained (like the Sofa Incident). basically love and fun and the brothers they never got!!

(em you already Know how much i love this prompt but like ,, in case you needed a reminder i LOVE this prompt im still crying thANK U anyway this took probably too long but i highkey poured my heart into this dumb little fic i hope u love it ur such an angel ily !!!)

read it on ao3! | prompts are closed :(

◊

Months from now, Neil will be grateful for this lifeline.It’s the offering of comfort and stability he needs long before he knows he’sallowed to want it, and Matt is holding it out to him without a second ofhesitation. Months from now, Neil will appreciate it for what it is. But fornow it feels bigger than he deserves.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” he says, placing a neatly foldedshirt on top of the growing pile beside his suitcase and turning to look atMatt. “I can look after myself.”

Matt, to his credit, doesn’t roll his eyes but Neil watchesthe corners twitch and he knows it’s a near thing.

“I know you can. I’m not asking to be your babysitter. I’masking to be your roommate.”

“Why?”

Neil can’t help it. The question is itching under his skin,making him shifty and uncomfortable. He doesn’t understand Matt’s motives: hespent three years living in close quarters with Neil and half of the last twopractically glued to Neil’s couch at any given opportunity. Why he is willinglysigning up for another year of it, Neil cannot fathom.

“We’re playing for the same team. It just makes sense,” Mattsays and he makes it sound like it really does. Neil frowns and purses his lipsand can’t think of any good reason to dispute it.

“You don’t share an apartment with any of your otherteammates.”

Matt does roll his eyes this time, but it’s a gesturefilled with fondness and, for reasons Neil can’t explain, the rest of hiscomplaints stick in his throat.

“None of my other teammates are my best friend.”

◊

It’s surprisingly easy, Neil thinks, to fall into theroutine of living with Matt. The apartment is already full of Matt’sbelongings, from his two year head start, but bits and pieces of Neil slip intothe cracks—his running shoes by the door, two mugs by the coffee pot eachmorning, Andrew’s hoodie on the back of the couch. It becomes theirs intrinsicallyuntil the discomfiture ebbs away and the word home seeps through.

When Neil wakes up in his new apartment for the first time,the morning feels stretched and torpid. The absence of weight in the bed besidehim is a hollow ache in his chest, and he gets up just to avoid the immensityof it. The world is drowsy outside his window, dark and slow as it blinksitself back to life, but their apartment is already alight with the smell ofcoffee and the muffled sound of socked footsteps.

Neil finds Matt in the kitchen, one hand pouring milk into amug of coffee, the other stirring porridge on the stove. Matt looks up at hisarrival and grins, all teeth and dimples. He sets down the milk carton andhooks his fingers around the handle of the other mug, holding it out to Neil.

“Morning, princess,” he says. Neil wraps his stiff fingersaround the mug, letting the warmth seep through to his bones and wake himproperly.

“Your porridge is done,” he observes, because he can see itthickening around Matt’s spoon as he steps past. Matt yelps and flicks off thegas, transferring the pot to a cool hob and reaching for a bowl in the samemovement.

“There’s enough for two,” he says as he scrapes the gloopymixture into his bowl. Neil stands on his toes to open one of the cupboards andgrab a granola bar from the second shelf.

“I’m good, thanks.”

Neil holds the half-opened granola bar up in defence whenMatt shoots him the look he reserves for disapproval at Neil’s tendency to skipmeals. He doesn’t comment but the tilt of his mouth is displeased. Neil shrugsit off and sips his coffee.

“Excited to meet the team later?” Matt asks as he runs hotwater into the empty pot to soak. Neil waits until the gurgle of the tap shutsoff to reply.

“Not really. I don’t care what they’re like. It’s how theyplay that matters.”

Matt turns to lean against the kitchen bench, bowl in hand,and rolls his eyes fondly—something of a recurring action around Neil.

“Now you sound like Kevin.”

“Kevin sounds like me,” Neil corrects, just to be contrary.

Matt grins around a mouthful of porridge. “You’re both asbad as each other. Come on, you can have first shower. I want to show you thebest route to the supermarket before we’re due at the stadium.”

◊

The team, as it turns out, arefar more excited to meet Neil than he is to meet them. There are three new teammembers, including him; one other first year pro and a transfer from Denver,but Neil inadvertently steals most of the attention. It’s some mixture of hismemorable face gracing television far more than any college student has a rightto, and Matt singing his praises over the past two years, that gives him adegree of interest the Cannons gravitate towards. All Neil really wants to dois talk to the Denver recruit about a certain goalkeeper on his old team, butMatt squeezes his shoulder lightly and it is as much a warning as it is acomfort. Play nice.

Neil smiles and lets KatiLaskey—starting striker—hook her elbow around his neck and rub her other handlightly through his hair. If he closed his eyes, her weight against his bodywould almost feel like Dan. The thought is both reassuring and saddening, likea weight constricting his chest not quite enough to leave him breathless, butspiking discomfort through his ribcage all the same. He finds he cannot makeeye contact with any of his new teammates.

“They’re not Foxes,” he says,when Matt prompts him for an opinion as they ease into traffic on their wayhome. Matt hums assent because it’s true, they are not and never will be theshape of puzzle pieces cut from the same jigsaw. They are Cannons, equal partschaos and content, and they have dug a Neil-sized hole in their line-up, but itis a manufactured kind of welcoming, a family born of necessity rather thandesire.

“They’re good people,” Matt saysand Neil cannot find fault to disagree.

“They’re good as teammates,” hesays instead. Matt flicks him a look under the guise of checking his blind spotbefore signalling the turn-off. They turn down the side street connected totheir apartment complex and Neil traces the vaguely familiar shapes outside thewindow with his finger.

It is still warm yet, the airhumid and muggy with the weight of summer. He can see heat hanging heavy overthe pavement and pooling in pockets between the clouds. He hates days likethese, but this one feels less like a burden and more like a blanket, swathinghim in the absence of body heat. Not ideal, but somehow enough all the same.

“They’re good as teammates, but Ialready have all the family I need.”

When Matt looks at him this time,it is with blatant intent and his smile is blinding.

◊

mattyb: someone come collect neil he’s making me sad

gaynolds: what did he tell you this time??

mattyb: a story about his mom

gaynolds: fuck those are the worst

wildz: u all g josten?

jos10: I’m fine.

gaynolds: :/

mattyb: he let me pat his head

wildz: 4 his comfort or urs ???

mattyb: honestly mine but i like to think it’shelping him too

jos10: It’s nice. Thank you.

nickyminaj: omg neil :( u cant be sad when im too faraway to hug u

jos10: I’m not sad.

jos10: Matt is.

mattyb: I AM

nickyminaj: mattie no :(

nickyminaj: coming to hug u both rn

wildz: me 2

gaynolds: me three

wildz: group hug @ the b/j apt.

nickyminaj: the WHAT

wildz: boyd/josten but im just rlzing how bad thtsounds

mattyb: H

mattyb: NNNN OFJAJKM.VWQ3JFJEZ/.DS’’;XMLD

nickyminaj: uh

wildz: r u dyin ???

mattyb: might have to take a raincheck on the grouphug

mattyb: OH HOLY FUCK

wildz: ?????

gaynolds: omg

mattyb: NEIL JUST

mattyb: CHRIST

nickyminaj: what did he do now lmfao

gaynolds: b/j apartment is my favourite soap

nickyminaj: ^^^

wildz: r they actually ded ????

gaynolds: matt??

nickyminaj: 50 bucks says neil started a fire tryingto make dinner

gaynolds: you’re on

gaynolds: josten knows how to cook

nickyminaj: lmaooo

nickyminaj: u didn’t see him try to use the sandwichpress at the columbia house

nickyminaj: andrew banished him from the kitchen

gaynolds: fuck

wildz: can confirm, neil knos how 2 cook but nt how 2use tech

kevinday: What’s happening?

mattyb: [image attached]

kevinday: What the fuck.

gaynolds: what the fuck

nickyminaj: WHAT THE FUCK

wildz: wht hppnd???

nickyminaj: UR COUCH IM CRYING

kevinday: How did that happen?

gaynolds: is neil BLEEDING

nickyminaj: holy fuck yeah his face

wildz: shit

kevinday: Is that a bird?

gaynolds: IS THAT A BIRD

nickyminaj: oh my god

wildz: matt wtf is goin on?

jos10: We’re fine. Matt had to sit down because hewas laughing too much.

wildz: neil ????

nickyminaj: EXPLAIN

jos10: I have to go. It’s fine.

gaynolds: josten you’re bleeding out of your face andthere is a pigeon on your head

kevinday: Neil

nickyminaj: oh my god

nickyminaj: we’re pretending this is normal oh my god

aaminyard: what is going on?

aaminyard: oh that couch is in shreds lol

nickyminaj: AARON PLS

wildz: called matt but it went str8 2 vmail

gaynolds: the bird probably fucking murdered them

aaminyard: finally

nickyminaj: aaron pls

wildz: aaron pls

gaynolds: aaron pls

aminyard: aaron no

◊

(The bird is collected by an ABC volunteer.

They buy a new couch.)

◊

Integrating himself into an already functioning team is botheasier and harder than knitting together the torn edges of the Foxes. TheCannons are professionals—polite because they are paid to be and serious whereexy is concerned—but they are friends off the court as well. Three months intotheir season, Neil has grown used to one or another of their teammates crashingon the couch in his and Matt’s apartment, or showing up unannounced withtakeout on their days off. Kati takes him out for coffee twice a week at asugar-free café two blocks from his apartment (which Neil delights in tellingAndrew about) and fills him in on the details of her personal life. (Her longdistance girlfriend just moved over from Missouri. They’re adopting cats.) Inreturn, Neil shows her the latest picture Andrew has texted him (the curl ofsmoke against a city skyline, or the glint of a blade under sunlight, or theopen freeway above the Maserati dashboard). Neil is never very sure, but hethinks this makes them friends.

Somewhere along the way, the team become less likecolleagues and more like something personal, something that spreads like warmbutter inside Neil’s chest. He knows parts of their lives that go deeper thannecessity for survival, while they learn where he likes to go to eat and what hiscollege major was. He lets them scavenge through his life for the titbits thatshould not matter yet somehow do, but saves the intimate details to sharebetween Matt and Kati. It’s not that he and Andrew are a secret, but Neil isprivate by nature and the Cannons, for all their friendship, are still notfamily.

They seem content to take what they’re given and pry nofurther, so Neil isn’t concerned when their captain, Breanna Ramírez, asks himto spare a minute after practice. He detours past Matt on his way off the courtto let him know he’ll make his own way home. Matt swings an arm around Neil’sshoulders and leans down to knock their heads together.

“Nice work today, honey,” he says and lets go, waving asNeil heads to the locker room.

Breanna takes him to a patisserie ten minutes from thestadium where, she tells him, they sell petits fours that her husbandthinks are to-die-for. Neil texts a picture of the display cabinet followed bya question mark to Andrew while he waits for Breanna to order. They get theircoffees to-go and Breanna’s husband’s petits fours in a small paper bag,and walk the short distance to a nearby park.

They talk about the season, about the flaws in the startingline-up, and about the kids Breanna and her husband are currently fostering.Neil wants to tell her he and Matt almost adopted an injured bird that they letfly into their apartment, but decides she might not take it in her stride aseasily as the Foxes.

Instead he says, “Maybe I’ll stop by the patisserie again onthe way home. Matt loves pain au chocolat.”

Breanna looks at him, looks away, sighs, looks at him again.

“Josten.” She fiddles with the lid of her coffee cup. “Neil.I didn’t want to say anything, but I feel, I don’t know, morally obligated.”

Neil’s pulse jumps in his wrist and he blinks at Breanna,confused and apprehensive.

“Morally obligated to what?”

“Look, you and Boyd are both lovely and I know it isn’treally my business, but the team has been talking and— Well, I’m not trying topreach to you, but sometimes his fiancée comes to visit and I just want to beclear that none of us are comfortable covering for you. If it comes to that.”

She’s doing everything to avoid his gaze now and Neil hasnever seen her so unsure of herself. He frowns, turning her words over in hishead but no matter which way he pushes and pulls he can’t make sense of them.

“What does Dan have to do with this?”

“You know, because of your… thing with Boyd.”

“My—” Neil stares at her as the pieces click into place,forming a complete picture, albeit one that makes Neil’s head ache. “You thinkI’m having an affair with Matt?”

“You’re not?” Breanna finally makes eye contact, head tiltedand eyebrows knit. Neil almost laughs but something about the set of her jawstops him.

“What makes you think we’re having an affair?”

“You’re very affectionate,” she says, shrugging. “We’venoticed things.”

“He’s my best friend.” Neil’s tongue feels numb in his mouth.His words come slowly, as though his brain is still catching up to theconversation. “We’re just like that.”

“You’re close.”

“Yeah. He’s my best friend,” Neil says again, like she mighthave missed it the first time. Breanna bites her lip and glances down at whereher fingers have twisted in the paper bag.

“There’s really nothing going on there, is there?” she asksin a small voice, and Neil’s patience slips a little.

“He wouldn’t do that to Dan. I wouldn’t do that toDan.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“Didn’t mean to what? Imply that we’re both cheatingassholes? Yes, you did, otherwise you wouldn’t have said anything.”

He knows his temper is sparking, knows he should put a lidon it, but his mouth is running faster than he can catch it. He doesn’tunderstand how she can’t see that they’re the two least likely people to beunfaithful to their partners, or why she thinks it’s any of her concern anyway.

“But you can see how it seemed like that, right? I mean, hecalls you pet names all the time. You buy him pastries for no reason. Lastweek, he kissed you at practice.”

“On the forehead,” Neil feels the need to remind her. “Becausewe’re friends. Do you need a rundown of every interaction we’ve ever had toprove that? How about a timeline of the development of our friendship?”

“This really isn’t any of my business,” Breanna says andNeil’s mouth twists in scorn.

“You’re right, it isn’t. I should go. I still want to get tothe patisserie before it closes.” He stands up, forcibly releasing the tensionin his fists, and tells himself to walk away. “See you at practice tomorrow.”

“Neil, I’m sorry,” she starts to say but he waves her off.He only makes it three steps before he decides he’s not finished. He pivots onthe spot, clenches his fists, and inhales sharply.

“For the record, I have a boyfriend and we’re very happy,”he says and watches Breanna’s face go slack, her mouth opening on words thatdon’t come out. It takes her three tries to find them.

“You never said.”

“It was never any of your business.”

She bows her head little, then looks up to meet his eyes,her cheek dimpled where it’s caught between her teeth. Neil shrugs.

“Just so you know. He’s the only one I’m interested in.”

Breanna nods and looks like she wants to say something else,but she doesn’t protest when Neil turns again to walk away. He has a funnyfeeling the patisserie doesn’t open late and he really doesn’t want to missthem.

◊

“The team think we’re having an affair,” he tells Mattlater, perched on the kitchen workbench to the left of the stove. Matt iscooking pasta sauce in a large pot, which means he’s making enough to freezethe leftovers because he knows Neil will happily go hungry if it means hedoesn’t have to cook on days when he can’t find the energy.

“Our team?” Matt asks incredulously. Neil nods,absentmindedly popping the seal on a half-empty jar of olives.

“Ramírez told me it’s been team gossip for weeks.”

Matt laughs, reaching around Neil to lift another pot downfrom the shelf above his head. He puts it on one of the empty hobs and returnsto stirring his sauce, so Neil leans over to flick the switch on the kettle. Hesettles back into his earlier position and searches Matt’s face, but all hefinds are traces of amusement. It calms him a little, his temper over Breanna’saccusations dissipating.

“Fifty bucks says Pav started it,” Matt says, grinning.Aleksei Pavlov is one of their starting backliners and notorious for hisoutlandish but widely believed rumours. He and Matt have a friendly rivalrythat involves playful nicknames and good-natured trash talking at every turn.

“I don’t bet,” Neil reminds Matt unnecessarily. The kettlepings as the water reaches boiling point and he lifts it over to pour into theempty pot on the stovetop. “Allison would have a field day with this though.”

“Oh God, let’s not tell her. If she finds out, Dan findsout, and I’ll be trying to live it down until I’m old and grey,” Matt laughs.Neil hands him a pair of scissors to cut open the bag of pasta in his hand, andreplaces the now empty kettle on its outlet.

“She wouldn’t be mad?”

“Hardly. She’d think it was hilarious.” Matt pours pastainto the pot and flicks the gas on, before giving Neil a curious look. “WouldAndrew be mad?”

Neil hums, returning to pressing the lid of the olive jarand letting it pop back into place. He doesn’t know what Andrew wouldthink—they’ve never had cause to discuss it before—but he can count on one handthe amount of times Andrew has shown interest in things that don’t directlyconcern him.

“I don’t think he’d care.”

“What, he hears his boyfriend is off gallivanting with hishot roommate halfway across the country and he doesn’t even want to check up?”

“He knows we’re not. Andrew doesn’t care for rumours,” Neilsays, shrugging. Thinking of Andrew’s signature apathy dispels the remainder ofhis anger and he finds that he doesn’t care for the rumour either. Andrew’svoice in his head asks why he cares what other people think and Neil can’t finda reason.

“That’s true enough,” Matt agrees. He twists off the heatunder the sauce and gestures at Neil. “Pass me those olives, would you, mylove?”

Neil snorts, releases the seal on the jar, and hands itover. “This is why people think we’re having an affair.”

“Maybe we are.”

Matt’s tongue dips out to lick the corner of his smile andNeil rolls his eyes.

“If I was going to cheat, I think I could at least do betterthan you.”

Neil earns himself an olive pitted straight at his foreheadfor that one. He catches its rebound in his hand and pops it into his mouth,rubbing the stain off his skin and kicking half-heartedly in Matt’s direction.Matt takes an exaggerated step out of the way and returns to slicing olives andsprinkling them into the sauce.

“Do you really want to be insulting me when the fate of yourdinner rests in my hands?” Matt asks. Neil leans over to steal another olive.

“I’ll tell Kevin you’re intentionally depriving me of abalanced diet.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I have him on speed dial,” Neil says, slipping his phoneout of his pocket and holding it up for emphasis. He pushes off the counterwith his hands, landing softly on the linoleum floor and using the momentum toslide on socked feet to the other side of the kitchen. He bends to take twobowls from the cupboard and leans over to the cutlery drawer as he hears Mattchecking on the pasta behind him.

“Hey, sweetheart?”

Neil turns to find Matt beckoning to him, a strand ofspaghetti dangling from his fingers. He steps over and holds out his hand whenprompted by Matt’s grabby motions. Matt loops the spaghetti around his ringfinger, twisting and squeezing the ends until they mush together, effectivelytying the pasta to Neil’s finger.

“Give the team something to talk about, hey,” he says,exaggerating the wink that accompanies it. Neil turns his hand around and holdsup his middle finger in response. Matt laughs and the sound is white horsesbreaking over Neil’s head. He lets himself be pulled under.

◊

mattyb: [image attached]

mattyb: he said yes!

wildz: what

gaynolds: what

renesbian: what

nickyminaj: what

aminyard: what.

nickyminaj: omg

◊

Andrew calls him two hours later while Matt is making hotchocolate and Neil is flicking through sports channels with the TV on mute.

“I let you do one thing on your own and you get engaged toBoyd,” he says by way of hello. Neil smiles, tipping his head against the backof the couch and tapping the remote against his thigh.

“Jealous, are we?”

Andrew huffs, just barely but Neil catches it. He bites downon a laugh and lets his eyes slip closed.

“I thought you at least had better taste than that.”

“I chose you, didn’t I?” Neil says. Warm honey oozes downhis spine and he melts into the cracks between the couch cushions, the wholeworld slipping away and zeroing in on the static crackling down the phone line.Andrew’s voice is sturdy and smooth, garbled by the distance but stillunmistakeably his. Neil relaxes into it.

“Is that an affirmation of your good taste or further proofof your idiocy?”

Neil hums around a grin but doesn’t reply. He knows Andrewknows what he means, even though neither of them will acknowledge it. Theylapse into steady silence, soft breaths and fleeting movements between them.Neil can hear the buzz of traffic from Andrew’s end and assumes he’s on thebalcony of his high-rise apartment, overlooking the bustling street. Neilremembers the city lights and cool breeze from his last visit, the smell ofsmoke and petrol mixing in the air, the way the railing felt digging into hisback when Andrew kissed him up against it. He lets out a half-sigh, abortedbefore Andrew can make anything of it, and swallows the whiskey-flavouredmemory.

“My team knows about you,” he says, just to have somethingto say. It’s a lot like that with Andrew now—they no longer deal in weightedtruths and bleeding secrets. Neil finds that he doesn’t mind half as much as hethought he would, back when he used to worry they would run out of things tosay one day. Sometimes they have conversations without substance; after all,Andrew has always been good at making something out of nothing.

“I would hope so. They’ve played me twice,” Andrew says onan exhale. With his eyes pressed shut and his lips parted on a breath, Neil canalmost taste the smoke leaking from Andrew’s mouth.

“Funny,” he deadpans. Neither of them laugh. “I mean aboutus.”

He half expects Andrew to be difficult for the sake of it,but Andrew has long since stopped denying they are two parts of the same whole.He fiddles with his cigarette instead; Neil can hear his fingers tap away theash.

“Is that a problem?” he asks and Neil hears the part hedoesn’t say, the I don’t mind if you don’t, the this was never secretto anyone who was looking.

“No.”

“Okay.”

Neil breathes. Andrew smokes. The silence fills spacesbetween them.

Neil cracks an eye open when Matt taps him on the shoulder,holding out a steaming mug. From the smell, it’s a fruity blend from the packof herbal teas Kati had given him as thanks for helping out with hergirlfriend’s move. The mug is hot beneath his fingers so he balances it on hisknee while he resituates his grip to the handle, and raises it to his lips.

Andrew? Matt mouths as he settles onto the other sideof the couch, his own mug of hot chocolate warming his palms. Neil nods,nestling the phone between his ear and his shoulder so he can tap the ringfinger of his opposite hand, an explanation of Andrew’s call. Matt grins aroundthe lip of his mug before taking a sip.

“Tell him if he likes it then he should have put a ring onit.”

Neil frowns, glances down at his hand, and then back up atMatt. He mouths what in return but Matt just flaps his hand at thephone.

“Matt says,” Neil looks at him again and Matt gives him athumbs up, “if you like it then you should have put a ring on it?”

There’s a shuffling sound as Andrew shifts around, thesqueak of a screen door sliding open and closed, before the city noises cut offand the silence takes on a new shape.

“Tell Boyd if he likes his tongue he should keep it in hismouth.”

Neil relays the threat and Matt laughs aloud, his hotchocolate sloshing dangerously close to the rim of his mug. Neil watches him inshock—it’s the first time he can remember seeing Matt find genuine humour inanything one of Andrew’s lot have said.

“Did you just make a joke?” he asks Andrew. He’s not surewhich he’s more caught off guard by: that Andrew made a joke or that Matt foundit funny.

“It wasn’t a joke. It was a warning.”

A cupboard door clips shut from Andrew’s end and Neil hearsthe chink of crockery. He makes eye contact with Matt, who raises his eyebrowsand sips his hot chocolate, before shrugging off his surprise.

“I have to make dinner,” Andrew says. It isn’t a dismissalbut Neil can tell by his voice Andrew doesn’t feel like talking.

“Okay,” he agrees, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Andrew grunts, which is an affirmation in its own way, andhangs up without saying goodbye. Neil drops his phone between his thighs forsafekeeping and takes another drink of his tea. Matt nudges Neil’s shin withhis toe, nodding at the TV.

“You watching that?”

There’s a replay of an Exy match from the previous week, butNeil’s already seen it and it isn’t Andrew or Kevin’s team. He hands Matt theremote in lieu of a response and lets his eyes drift shut on the snippets ofsoaps flashing by as Matt switches channels.

◊

gaynolds: it’s been 8 days since our last b/jnonsense

nickyminaj: is that a record?

gaynolds: i think so

wildz: wild

wildz: get it haha

jos10: What’s b/j nonsense?

gaynolds: it’s you honey

aaminyard: aka every time you message this chateveryone has a stroke

nickyminaj: lmfao tru

jos10: Why?

wildz: u n matt r disasters

wildz: always gttin up 2 crzy shit

nickyminaj: u send the most concerning messages andnever elaborate

jos10: No, we don’t?

gaynolds: NO WE DON’T HE SAYS

nickyminaj: remember when matt and neil’s couch gotripped to shreds by a bird

nickyminaj: and they never explained how

gaynolds: remember when matt and neil got married

renesbian: remember when Neil texted the group chat‘cowabunga’ followed by three hashtags

renesbian: then ten seconds later said he rememberedMatt was visiting Dan and not to worry

wildz: rmbr wen m drank 3L of mntn dew at once

wildz: & n sent a pic of him passed out w ac.board cutout of dolly parton

wildz: y do they hav a c.board cutout of dolly parton

jos10: We can’t recycle her without concerning theneighbours.

renesbian: I think the question is why do you haveher in the first place

jos10: Oh.

jos10: We got her from Dollar Tree.

gaynolds: dollar tree sells cardboard cutouts ofdolly parton ???

jos10: I don’t think she was for sale.

nickyminaj: u STOLE dolly parton from dollar tree

aaminyard: you sound surprised

nickyminaj: i mean yeah

nickyminaj: aren’t u ??

aaminyard: no

gaynolds: no

wildz: no

renesbian: no

nickyminaj: good point

jos10: [image attached]

jos10: She lives in the shower.

gaynolds: that is quite literally the most terrifyingcombination of information/image i’ve ever seen

wildz: 1 time i stayed @ b/j apt & she slept inth bed w me n matt

aaminyard: what the fuck

gaynolds: why did we ever let those two live together

nickyminaj: yeah this has gone too far

wildz: m can move in w me if andrew will take n ??

aminyard: deal.

jos10: Who gets Dolly?

aminyard: never mind I don’t want him.

◊

When Neil wakes up in his and Matt’s apartment on what Mattdubs their ‘roommate-iversary’, the morning feels like a wave, hugging the bayit crashes into and guiding Neil’s breaths through the ebb and flow. A yearstretches across the floorboards, worn smooth under their tread, and laps atthe walls, where they’ve taken to sticking photographs and reminders andsmiley-face messages from one to the other. The world is quiet around him, butfor the buzz of the radio and the familiar pattern of footfalls againstlinoleum floor.

Neil finds Matt in the kitchen, two mugs on the worktop anda pancake flipping through the air towards the pan in his outstretched hand.

“Morning, princess,” Matt says, holding up one of the mugswithout turning. Neil loops his fingers through the handle and around theceramic curve, bringing it to his lips to blow the billow of steam away fromthe rim.

“Morning, sunshine,” he says, leaning against the corner ofthe fridge. The way Matt freezes is almost comedic, like each muscle isolatingand tensing one by one. When he looks up, his gigawatt smile is alreadyplastered over his face, bright enough to dissolve the dreary heaviness of themorning, and Neil’s returning grin bites into his cheeks before he can hold itback. Matt returns to his breakfast with crinkles by his eyes. Neil blowslightly on his coffee and takes a sip.

◊

mattyb has changed their name to sunshine.

jos10 has changed their name to princess.

◊

#maz.dox #mdb #naj #andreil #fic #remussloopin #answered

160 notes · View notes

the-madame21 · 6 years

Text

Azusa Sleeping Vampire

Once again, this is something I’m just doing for me to practice kanji and vocab ^o^ I am by no means a proper translator so please take this with a grain of salt! Azusa is definitely much easier than Reiji or Kanato to understand lmfao bless his slow ass way of speaking. Enjoy! Finally got to the point where I didn’t need to ask my bf for help every two seconds wooop.

*dark screen*

Ah, you came. I was waiting forever for you to come.

By myself...was a little lonely, you know?

Now, come here...ok? Eve...by my side

*Azusa appears*

…? What’s wrong...are you surprised?

You, being surprised by that sort of thing...I wrapped myself in the blanket but...is it weird?

Like this I thought that, I’d be able to hug Eve tightly.

Do you hate me? Is that why you’re wearing such a surprised face?

Ah, thank goodness. I thought Eve hated me.

Yes, that’s right. Because you’re kind…

Then, you can come close by my side.

Fufu...hey, come a little closer.

More, I want to feel you. Is it no good? Mmm, it’s fine.

Here, even closer.

*touch*

Love you. I love you. Eve, stay by my side like this.

I’m really... so at ease….

Nee, how is it for you? Me being beside you…

It’s calming...and feels good...right?

Nfu...I’m glad.

As expected, you and I...we’re the same kind of people, don’t you think?

That’s why, being beside each other like this is so calming….and the warmth is starting to feel good.

This-- because I like you, it feels nice...you were the one that taught me such an important thing.

Ne, come closer and closer. I want...to hug you tight.

Tightly...tightly...you like pain...that’s why.

*fades to black*

Ha….Eve, you really do give off a sweet scent, don’t you.

It’s because you took a bath? No, that’s not it...this is...your own...scent…

This scent...how...has an incredibly...nostalgic feeling….

Hey, could I sniff a little more? Is it not good? No, its...fine, isn’t it?

*he inhales* Nee, Eve...How is it that you smell so good?

Something like flowers….a sweet scent…

*azusa appears*

Sorry...I’m just so happy to be with you again…

Did it tickle? Fufu…

Eh? I also smell good?

That sort of thing...it’s the first time someone’s told me that...mhmm, I’m happy...really.

My own scent isn’t something I ever really cared about…

Something like a good scent...my scent then, it’s something you like, right?

Fufu, so that’s how it is. If it’s like that then...would you like to get closer, and sniff some more?

Well? From your wrist, do you not understand?

*fades to black*

Then, from your neck….

My scent...can you smell it? Engrave it...into the deepest part of you.

So that even when we let go...you won’t forget me.

*Azusa appears*

Eh? It’s fine, isn’t it?

Fufu...you are...truly...so shy, aren’t you.

It’s that sort of thing that makes me think you’re so cute.

By the way…

I asked Kou...when you think someone smells good, then the compatibility is good…

If that story is true then...we are...compatible...no?

You...that sort of thing...do you believe it?

Fufu...thank you. Me too, I believe it…

That’s why, unconsciously, we had a strong attraction to each other.

I was born in order to meet you, that’s what I think…

*clock chimes*

...aah, it’s already this time. Well, we should sleep…

*Azusa closes his eyes*

But...you and I, together in bed...I don’t feel like sleeping.

Always always...I want to be looking at you...not sleeping…

*Azusa opens his eyes*

What sort of face are you making...a sleepy one...I want to know…

What sort of things you murmur in your sleep...I want to hear it…

Aaah...You and I together...I want to see your dreams.

Understand? You and I, becoming one, seeing the same dream.

Beneath the blue sky, laughing together…

Seeing, feeling,and eating all of the same things.

Just imagining it is exciting, it’s making my heart beat fast…

You too...do you not think so? You do, right?

Because you are...my Eve…

Nee, what do we do in order to make it happen...you and I becoming one...what should I do…?

Nee...the way to do it...does Eve know…?

Eh? What…? My hand?

...Squeezing my hand, what are you doing?

So long as we are clasping each other...ahh...I see.

Eve, you are truly amazing...finding the best solution like this…

Nee, a stronger hug. More and more...tighter…

Aah, when we are like this...if we are connected then its good…

Like this….mmm, but...that sort of thing, even if you don’t do it…

It’s fine. That’s what I feel.

Your heat...tells me everything...so I understand…

Ah, but…

If we’re like this and we fall asleep...we might end up letting go of our hands….

...What would be the best thing to do?

Aah, that’s right...I also thought of something good.

If we tie it...with bandages…

Eh? Why are you stopping me...Eve.

Like this...if we bind our hands together, it’d be good...you don’t think so?

Tough...so we definitely won’t accidentally....

Could it be...tying up is...unpleasant?

...then, why! Could it be then...it’s me you find unpleasant?

...I’m so sad…

*cries a little*

Heart? Our hearts are connected...what do you mean by that…?

It’s difficult to understand, Eve…

Nee, what should I do...you understand right? The proof of that, I want it.

Eve, tell me, that proof...show it to me.

If you do that then this sadness...will brighten…

*touch*

What’s wrong? Eve...my hand...where are you…

Eh?

Definitely...your heart is beating.

The pulse is very fast…

Aa….I see...this is…

Eve’s love...it feels good.

Since I have your love, then it feels nice and it also shows we’re connected.

Thank goodness...When I thought you hated me...it was very painful…

It was as though my chest had collapsed…

...but, it’s all fine...because our hearts are….connected.

It’s not good...becoming so suspicious…

I will definitely...become anxious…

Because...everyone loves you, Eve.

That’s why...being together...it’s really--

Huah!? Eve…?

Really? Do you promise?

Always, always...being together...no matter where we go?

Aa, I’m so happy. Really I’m...so happy…

Fufu...happy…

What’s wrong? You yawned...aah, that’s no good...you can’t become sleepy now…

Because I was so happy spending time with you that, I forgot. Mm, it was so much fun...I’m sorry.

Nee...do you want to sleep?

I want to stay awake a little bit...and talk with you a little more.

It’s fine? Thank you, you are always so kind.

Chatting like this, I love it…

Fufu…

...aah, sorry. I was soaked in happiness.

You were surprised? Ah, then that’s good.

Nee, between the two of us, we’ll chat a lot lot more.

I have a lot of questions I want to ask you…

I want to know everything about you...and I want you to know everything about me…

What sort of thing would be good to talk about…

Nee, what did you do today?

Fufu...school? Aah, that’s right... I also went to school.

But, school is...boring. Because Eve and I...weren’t together.

Thanks to Ruki…[my heart is here? not sure what he means]...so that’s why...I got scolded.

I was about to strike my hand with a whip but Ruki was there so unfortunately he stopped it…

If I said I wanted to get beat up...that…

Mm. Because Eve, you told me you don’t want me to hurt myself...so…

Well in any case...I stopped…

Because, if you were to be sad...I would also be in pain…

Also…, I’ve been trying my best with this...in favor of not hurting myself…

So that I can be next to you...that’s how I feel…

Isn’t that...a funny thing?

Nee, what’s going on? Please...tell me…

Fufu...so that’s what it is. Girls...like sweet things, don’t they?

Me, I like spicy things…

What about Eve? Spicy things...do you like them?

...There’s a limit…? How much of a limit...that’s difficult to understand.

Spicy curry is fine? Then...about one spice’s worth is good.

Eh? No? Oh I see...Then, you can do more?

Less than...that? I love spice so that’s why...I thought Eve would also like it…

That sort of thing...is difficult to understand. For me, I don’t think something is spicy, but everyone else thinks it is very spicy…

I say that it’s normal but, I don’t understand. Nee, Eve understands, right? Being normal…

I see...Normality...it’s a difficult thing to understand….when Eve says something is hot…

I am changing...since now I am being told…

Normal is something I don’t understand...as expected, it’s strange…

It’s strange...but I don’t mind it.

But...something about it is scary…

It is different from what Eve thinks so that’s why...I think...it’s scary…

We are similar people...so...it’s unexpected.

Even so...I’m glad. Regardless we are still similar people. Isn’t that so?

Then, talk to me more...about lots of things…

You, and your voice...I love it. The things you talk about also...all of it...that’s why…

Mhm. I love it, you know. Your voice.

Listening to it is a very good feeling. It sets off a pulsing feeling behind my neck.

Of course, that’s not...everything, you know. It’s everything, that I love...so that’s why. Don’t worry.

...Fufu. You’re so cute, Eve.

It’s fine if you touch me more, you know…?

What...your...body temperature, just now, it seems to have gone up a bit…

Gradually, I wonder if you’re getting sleepy…

...I’m still not sleepy...I always want to be looking at you….because looking at you, it’s lots of fun….

...Thank goodness. But, when you get sleepy, it’s fine to sleep, ok…?

To be talking to you like this...you truly are a kind person, Eve.

...Hm? The scratch on my finger?

Ahh, this is….from the page in my textbook...I cut it. You, don’t have to worry…

It hurt a little but….it’s fine...because this cut was not deep.

Actually...I would have preferred a deeper cut…

...sorry. The things you dislike, I won’t think about them. So...please...don’t come to hate me…

And, this cut wasn’t done on purpose....it truly was...by chance…

...you understand? Thank goodness...thank you.

To speak of the things you dislike...I am intolerable…

If you were to go away...I would hate that.

...What’s wrong, Eve? My cut, are you worried about it?

*touch*

Fufu, when you touch me like this...it’s a little ticklish.

...It’s funny?

Pain pain fly away...ehh...those words you’ve said...will heal the cut quickly?

Mhm...its my first time hearing it. ...you know a lot of things…

Funny...huh.

I like pain so that’s why...you don’t have to worry about it...mhm, it’s different.

Because you are thinking of me...it would be bad to waste what you are doing for me....

...fufu, this cut...It will heal quickly, I think.

Well then, let’s do it. Together...the two of us…

Fufu...that if we do it together, the thing you said, isn’t it fine?

It would have double the effect….it’d be good but...what do you think…

Pain pain...fly away.

*fades to black*

*Azusa kisses you*

I’m sorry...It’s because you have such pretty fingers...I couldn’t help but...want to kiss them…

This...with this kiss...you have taken away my pain...thank you.

...Is it no good?

Fufu...thank goodness...and the result? The cut, it no longer hurts…

Nee...kissing a little more...it’s fine, don’t you think?

It’s no good? Nmm...it’s...fine, right.

You also want to kiss me...isn’t that how it is?

*fades to black*

*one kissu*

...That time, I kissed your cheek.

Fufu, when I kissed your cheek...steadily...your cheeks reddened…

*fades to black*

Huh?...You’ve closed your eyes…?

Aah, I see.

You want me to....kiss you on the lips.

Don’t worry….You don’t have to be embarrassed...it’s fine.

Nnm…*kissing noises*

Ahh...it’s sweet. Your lips…

You had sweets...when you were at school? Nmm...no...that’s not it…

Eve, your taste…

Ahh...nn…*more kisses*

*eyes open*

Fufufu...Eve, your eyes look so alive.

Did it...feel good?

Me too...it felt, incredibly good…

Truly, I want...to do those kind of things more, but…

Right now...I want to talk with you more.

Eve also, well….what do you think?

Thank goodness...I thought it would be better for you to be hurt? (I have no idea what he means here) But…

You are me, so that’s why…

If it’s about you, then I understand such things.

This happiness is a very good thing for me. Eh...oh, truly...since now, this has been the happiest I’ve ever been.

If you’ve noticed, the blanket...has your scent on it. ...because it’s so sweet, I’m incredibly happy...this scent…

It’s as if...I’m being covered with your kindness...whenever I breathe, I want to swallow up your scent.

Ah...nm, sorry, that’s not good.

Because, if I did something like that...then your scent...would run out…

I don’t want to lose not even one fragment of your scent. All of it, belongs to me…

Me? I think rolling up the blanket would be best…

Or rather, more painful things...ah, that’s no good…

Painful things...I musn’t do them…

Eve, forgive me…

You’ll forgive me…? I see...thank goodness…

I am definitely thinking about my habit.

It’s a good thing that...you are such a kind person…

*Azusa closes his eyes* *opens them again*

Ha...what is this...gradually...I’ve become sleepy…

You too? Of course...because you and I...we are similar...

Nn….but...I want to see how you sleep…

Will you fall asleep before…? To make my wish come true…

Thank you...mhm, I will watch. ...until you fall of sleep. The whole time.

It’s embarrassing? Why?

You don’t have to be embarrassed.

Eve is cute...that sort of thing...isn’t it true?

Girls are...embarrassed by such things...is that how it is?

It’s, a little hard to understand...why, such a thing…

Your sleepy face...it’s a really beautiful thing. And…

It’s something that I can’t see unless you’re sleeping, and we’re together, side by side.

In this mansion, its something that only I...can see… isn’t that right…?

That’s why...it’s something I want to see.

Don’t I also...want to sleep together?

Yes, but...if I do that, I won’t be able to see your sleeping face.

Well, if that’s what you want, then...I will do it.

Then, I will also sleep. So that’s why, Eve...you too, close your eyes?

*fades to black*

Also...let’s connect our hands again….here…

Your hand...is incredibly, soft…

Even in the darkness, it’s like I’m getting filled up with your feelings...it’s nice…

It feels like...we can become one...again…

The boundaries between us are gone...it all seems to join together.

Eve also...don’t you think so?

Eve…? Nee..

*Azusa appears again*

She fell asleep...huh.

It’s a little...I guess we talked a bit too long…

Nfu...such a cute sleeping face…

Eve….I love you.

Aah...if we could stay like this forever...that would be the best.

...but, that sort of thing...we can’t do it, can we…

You are...the chosen Eve….

I am…

But, I am the one that you chose...I love you.

...Goodnight, Eve…

*closes his eyes*

Sweet dreams...

#azusa mukami #diabolik lovers #he is one sad dude lmao #madame translates #or at least tries to

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defunctblogtobedeleted · 3 years

Text

05/27/2021, 05:58 am - new ends, new beginnings

I’m approaching the precipice of departure.

In 4 short weeks my time in North Carolina will finally be coming to an end. I suppose it’s only appropriate that this blog is coming to an end as well.

I always meant to catch up with what quarantine was doing. but getting back together with jill and watching a million shows and playing games weren’t exactly noteworthy writings. Even still it almost seemed like it’d be a cool time piece, since it was a pretty historic event, the year we spent indoors.

Instead I found the inspiration to take weilin up on learning how to code. I quit my job in february, and I’m spending the next year bouncing around friends and families houses hoping to practice hard enough that I can get a good job next year. switch careers. get out of healthcare and into a new field where I can actually take advantage of the potential I have.

It’s kind of sad to be wrapping this blog up. I never really expected to end it. But to be honest I’m kind of afraid of its continued existence. Not for the personal shame or anything, but for the first time I’m seeking out work in a field where they might try to pore over this content and deem me unfit.

Pretty weak and fearful a reason. Maybe I am a little embarrassed. Partially of my obsession with andi at the end, moreso my potential objectification and degradation of the physical form. We all need to grow up from our mistakes, but I’d rather my growth continue to be personal and not corporate, I suppose. I just am so afraid of it being tied to my online personas and divulging more personal content than I’m comfortable with. Even more afraid than my fetlife for some reason. It’s weird, my fet is so much more explicit, and yet I feel like it’s so much less compromising lmao. Maybe that’s foolhardy logic though.

I’m really sad. Goodbyes are always the hardest. And the worst part is every time I get sappy and start to cry a little I think of that time at Brown summer camp when I cried in my dorm with the door open and two more popular kids saw me and laughed. I could have been crying about anything, though. Maybe they’re just assholes. But I get embarrassed nonetheless.

The relationships I’ve built up here in NC I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. I really hope I manage to keep them going long distance. Unfortunately I know many of my smash friends are fallen to the wayside already... bar friends from greensboro forgotten... raleigh friends soon to be departed... but there are the few from each avenue of life that will stay in touch, I’m sure.

It’s sad that many of my thoughts these days are plagued by how frustrated I get with my roommates’ behavior, and moreso how they’re similar to my own and how I regret how I once acted. I wish I had spent more time with Aaron and Ash instead of trying to start those weird streaming ambitions. I wish I had been quieter when playing league and hadn’t kept my downstairs neighbors and jstu up all night when I lived in brewer. I wish I had been a better person when speaking of the opposite sex when I was drunk in gboro. I wish I had been more tolerant and understanding of andi’s mental health issues, and less of a bitch about money all the time. I wish I hadn’t been so shitty to Kailey when things were over and I was resentful and angry, and I wish I had been more vocal and deliberate about the boundaries that I had set, and more understanding when they were crossed because they were so arbitrarily and lackadaisically set. I wish I had done my goddamn dishes the same night I made them dirty at literally ANY other point in my life prior to now. God, I’m such an excuse making lazy fuck lmao. But here we are. And I own all my mistakes and there’s no way to make amends than to continue to become a better person every day.

It’s too hard to end things. I meant to split things off with Jill at the end of March. and April. and now may. But as excited as I am to move on to independent living and focusing on myself and my work, I really haven’t been able to bring myself to tell her I can’t see her anymore. Why can’t I just be stronger and work harder on myself AND spend time watching shows with her? well poor self control, for sure. Why can’t we continue to see each other long distance or something? mmph. I don’t know. Jill’s character has developed a lot and she really has authentically taken an interest in many of the things I love, and it’s brought us closer together. We put 420 hours into the witcher 3 and it was one of the best gaming experiences I’ve ever had in my life. But I still don’t see us compatible long term, and our sex life has faltered from month to month. I guess I am excited for something new. Will I always? I still wonder if I’m destined to be alone, like my father or (maternal) grandfather. Get it from both sides, I suppose.

To be honest I still daydream that one of my last days here I can hang out with MJ and have a one night stand. I don’t even know why anymore. We’ve sort of stayed in touch through quarantine. The only bar friend who really has, I suppose. But with quarantine that’s as much my fault as anyones. for the first time in my life I’m not seeking people out and checking in, pursuing friendship or time together. But I don’t know MJ still kind of fascinates me. I always wonder what would’ve happened if I had tried to make out with her the first time we met... but alas.

I kind of see this year of being 29 as a redemption arc for myself, academically. See if I can really be successful and actually try, put aside all the social ambitions and dedicate myself to something better. Staying with my friends and family makes it easier, I think. I’ll get to catch up and live with some of the people I’ve cared most about in my life. Sad that I never really felt comfortable asking if I could stay with manu maya and christina though... with their new baby on the way I’m just worried it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to crash on one of their couches. I don’t want to be a burden on them or anything, and I know as good as a houseguest as I intend on being at everywhere I stay I’m just... not... that good. I’m so much better than I was a decade ago, even half a decade ago. I’m finally an adult lmao. But it seems like only in the rearview mirror am I able to see how frustrating a person I am to deal with on a long term scale.

Maybe I’m not as bad as I think... Jill seems to enjoy my company now... But now that I’m unemployed I feel myself starting to fall into annoying greedy money behavior. She offered to pay for me to get sushi a couple weeks ago and really nearly started bawling. I cant afford to reciprocate anymore and it had felt so freeing to actually have a shred of money to throw around with my old job. and it’s so touching that she understands how I feel and really just wants to help me how she can. I’ve finally gotten over feeling like I can’t take anything from her and over my savior complex of trying to help her, but it still feels pretty sad to be the one that needs help again.

But I guess I did pay for our vacation to lake week, which was a blast as usual. It’s not as one sided as I imagine, it just always feels worse than it is.

Soon things will be better, though. I have confidence in myself that I’ll be successful, and this will be one of the best undertakings I’ve ever done. I’ll find a new path for myself, and reach a new height in this silly capitalist conventional life, and all the happy little tidings that come with it.

Also random thought, but my DUI finally worked out, but I’m not gonna publish that story anyway due to laziness. Just cost another $1000 having to go through trial. Fuck the legal system, fuck capitalism, fuck the government. I’m ready for the singularity to occur and for machines to take over the earth and I’ll just be a little housepet for them, communicating in my scraps of javascript lmfao.

There’s so much more potential than I ever had. Even with my RPSGT and knowing I could go to work anywhere, there was too much inertia here to actually want to move away. Now, I can really go wherever opportunity takes me. And once I find a career somewhere maybe I’ll find new romance and friendship and excitement. But with google moving down here I wonder if I’m just destined to come back, eventually. Who knows.

But for the first time in a long time I’m ready to break free and put my all into becoming something new.

Wish me luck 💕💕 I’m gonna need it.

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briteboy · 7 years

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stealing @bratsims format because i need a less ugly way to mass answer your messages which will hopefully motivate me to stay on top of this! at least i can say i tried

so if you sent me an anon message in the past...idk MONTH (i’m bad i know) it might be here. (older ones are near the bottom) if not, check my faq because it’s probably answered there. (and if you’re the person/people who sent the twin flame & 7th house asks, i plan to answer those separately because i have a LOT to say. get ready)

game of thrones, nuclear war, real life santis, lou theories, i’m evil, HERE WE GO!! i literally had to cut it off at the last one because it was just too much for now. i’ll try to answer some more later ok

we’re starting off on a great note

Anonymous said: gaddamn rooney's tiddies lookin' hella ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

STOP!!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S MY CHILD soaidfnjds she’s supposed to have like b/c cups (goals for me tbh, the big boob life is not fun) and sims 4 pregnancies just fuckin make them...NYOOM i’m mad you can’t edit sims’ bodies during pregnancy even with cas.fulleditmode on -___- so i let her live with her giant preggo tiddies for now

Ngl I want a kiss between Santi and Gianni (I'm sorry I'm literally trash)

then i’m here to satisfy your desires: they do kiss periodically because gianni is one of those people who’s like “why shouldn’t you kiss your friends?” free love 4 everyone

IM SCREAING AT UR YOUTUBE CHANNEL OK!!!! I LOVEEE IT, WOW

DON’T IT’S UGLY EXCEPT FOR LIKE TWO VIDEOS

hey this is kinda random but i thought joe seaward from glass animals looked kinda like santi? he has quite a weird face too lmao

oMG i actually love that, i know what you mean. that dude reminds me of a bull terrier lmao i actually saw glass animals like two weeks ago!! i didn’t really get a good look at the drummer but now i wish i did. missed connection

i just finished reading santi's story and ugh it almost had me in tears! beautiful, your story telling skills and editing skills are perfection!

ahhhhsdkgkds thank you so much ;____; that means the world to me <333

Unpopular opinion: im so done with game of thrones tbh. It's not even good anymore :/ I liked the first season but since then i've skipped through episodes because they are just sooo fucking boring and dragged out!

see like the first three seasons were pretty good because they stayed true to the books. (actually that’s a lie, littlefinger’s chaos speech in the s3 finale was real fuckin bad because guess what: it was original material LMAO) the fourth season was where it started to get messy and then the fifth season was a fucking shitshow because they completely IGNORED the fourth book and cherrypicked all the “good” parts out of it (read: the most action-y parts, while ignoring all the most important pieces of character development) and they botched the dorne storyline, oh and who could forget the iconic moment of throwing in a rape (THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN IN THE BOOKS) just for fun :) love it! but anyway if you think the show is boring i probably wouldn’t recommend the books, they’re even slower getting through them lmao. but it’s worth it in my opinion. there’s so much they don’t include in the show and it makes me Angery

Okay, game of thrones fan here, I haven't read the books (yet at least, I bought book 1) but I feel like dany is going to practically turn into her father, this season she is already showing traits like his.......

OH YEAH i definitely feel like they’re moving in that direction in the process of revealing jon as the “true” king of westeros and it’s so bad lmfao. the thing is, like...cersei is already mad king 2.0? why do we need another one?????? the entire point of dany’s arc is that she’s constantly trying to deviate AWAY from the way her father ruled, demonstrated by the fact that she freed the slaves (whereas all the targaryens before were slave owners), the fact that she’s not perpetuating the whole incest thing (LMAO GUESS AGAIN BECAUSE JONERYS HAS TO HAPPEN FOR SOME FCKING REASON), the fact that she has dragons which haven’t existed in how many years...like, if she ever ends up being like her father in the books, it’s NOT gonna fucking happen like this. but i don’t think she will anyway, george rr martin has been pretty clear about her trajectory thus far. anyway this show is so ugly, next question

rooney's eye are so BIG

just like her tiddies lmao i kno sometimes i forget how big they are and then she does one of those silly endearing animations and i’m like o ;-; hello big dumb baby cow eyes

Cows? Are you secretly Matthew Daddario?

WHO i had to google him lmao i was about to say “oh the teen wolf guy” but jk @ myself u idiot it’s shadowhunters damn i literally googled “matthew daddario cows” and

tru

I love how fragile Lou looks like but the truth is that she is strong af and you can't play with her bruh

SHE IS ;-; and that’s a huge theme in her story, i’m excited <3

ima leave ur blog and come bk and spam you so you will finally notice me

im part of this online forum of girls that talks about our period and weather or not one of us might be pregnant and once this girl posted saying that her husband invited his mom without telling her to thier honeymoon and she didnt find out until they arrived at the hotel and she was already there. the most recent part reminded me of it. but long story short, her dad moved all her stuff out of his house and her friend came to pick her up and they got a divorce.

OISOJDFAKNLJSD WHAT!!! i’m guessing you sent this because of that thing i said about the reddit post lmfaooo imagine your mom on your honeymoon. why. that’s soooooooooo good 4 her u know. u don’t need to be married to his mom as well

thanks 4 trusting my love santi. he's beautiful

thank u he thinks ur beautiful too 💘

do you have any tips for runing game in good quality and fast?

euhhhhh the only tips i have for you are to merge your cc, close all other programs while you play your game, maybe invest in a cooling pad uhhhhhh yeah idk any other tips you can probably find on google

You told that thing about unfollowing people and I thought you unfollowed me, but then I checked and you didn't and I'm crying omg

lmao omg ;-; i literally cut my following list in half, it was so chaotic and it was making me anxious. so if ever unfollow any of you please don’t take it personally (i know it’s a stupid thing to say, and it’s a lot easier said than done) it’s just my brain explodes when there’s too much going on at once and some content blends into others, i’m trying to only follow people who i’m genuinely interested in enough to keep up with their posts from now on

I haven't been able to sleep in over 72 hours thanks to the constant fear over the looming world war. I'm fine. Completely fine

Oh shit, have you noticed that the media has been putting out more 'what to do during a nuclear attack' kinda articles? This world is slowly going to shit, for real. I'm not even near any of the danger really, but it still absolutely terrifies me to see all of that bc it could very well go wrong and hit my place as well yknow? I have no idea why i send this to you but you seem chill and calm so thanks for reading my freakout askfjsls

YEP it’s pretty terrifying. but at the same time don’t let fear overwhelm you, fearmongering is an ugly, ugly thing and you don’t want to live your life constantly worrying. so just prepare yourself for what might come, but at the same time, just spend as much time with your loved ones as you can, do all the things you’ve ever wanted to do, and then if it doesn’t turn out as bad as we thought it would, you *tim mcgraw voice* lived like u were dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyin’

@ Jesus anon: I really don't think it's the right time to complain about "using the lord name in vain" when there are people terrified of leaving their homes bc they are afraid to get killed (aka that poor, poor Jewish anon in charlottesville)

yeah idk like i want to respect everyone but it seemed to be in poor taste to bring that up at a time like that lmao. and also i’ve literally never in my entire life met someone who actually takes “don’t say the lord’s name in vain” seriously.

I asked about the poses and HOLY CRAP THANK YOU SO MUCH! I finally have good poses to use for story telling. Thank you soo so so so sooooo much!

YAY i’m glad you found some good stuff <3 and honestly just going through lana’s blog you’ll find a ton of good poses, it’s a gold mine

Idk how much tv you watch, but have you've ever come across a tv show that used music from The Sim? Because once in a while I'll hear Sims 3 build/buy music on some random show and I'll get a lil shook because I find it so weird that the generic music they're using comes from a major game title.

OMG LMAO NO what i wish i’d come across that tho. one time i used sims 1 music in a video i made for school and someone recognized it

I love your stories gosh I check your page "it's everyday bro with femmesim flow" Lol sorry for that awkward Jake Paul "poop" ❤️

lmao thank u i had no idea who jake paul was until my friends started talking about him

yo, I also remember once in french class real life santi asked me what videos games I like to play. When I told him the sims, he looked at me for a while and shaked his head. He was like, "why do you want to watch your sims use the toilet?"

WHY DO YOU WANT TO WATCH YOUR SIMS USE THE TOILET SAME that’s all i care about when i play

that rooney face in the 5 facts is so iconic, its my fave picture of her. You should blow it up and frame it

i should tbh. i should print it out and put it in my wallet to show everyone because she is my child

sorry the bother you, merging cc makes your game smoother? can you explain to me please?

boop

hi i love you ♡ pass it on

I LOVE U

Can I say that hearing a MacBooks fans screaming for dear life as they try to cool down when playing the sims has actually started to haunt my nightmares

SAME my macbook is actually doing it right now for no reason. thanks laptop

Maybe Santi should go to therapy to talk out his issues.

maybe he should 🤔 but tbh he’s already talked out everything, there’s nothing really more to talk out. he just has to cope with it. he’s treated lou like his therapist thus far and that’s not okay

i love ur story and omg i totally get where lou is coming from with being tired of being compared to molly by santi, thatd hurt so much esp with how much she cares about him

thank youuu ;-; i’m glad you understand, this was a part i’d wanted to get out for a loooong time now, and i know you guys were always like “um why does she put up with this” lmao. she just loves him, that’s why. but you’re right, it does hurt.

My theory is very similar to the other anons in that Fiona's dad/Lou's ex had a mental illness (schizophrenia, depression, what have you) but he actually did kill himself and that's why she's not completely losing it on Santi because I feel like most people in that situation would have not handled it as well as Lou did

🤔 you’re right about the last part, and there’s a reason she has so much patience, das all i’m sayin

i started your story from the beginning last night and i am in awe. Its amazing. It inspired me to put a little more effort in learning to edit and write. It was like reading screen caps from a movie! I didn't want to stop reading. Anyway thing was a super sappy ask, but i appreciate your stuff. And i'm bad at putting my thoughts into words.

omg ;__________; when people tell me i inspired them it means the most to me, my brain just can’t process it lmao. so thank you so so much ;-; <333 THE MOVIE THING ESPECIALLY GOT ME IN THE HEART because i feel like that’s my aesthetic with most things i create because i’m such a film person lol. don’t worry i love super sappy, and you did a good job of wording everything because it got me right in the feels <33

Okay I've been snickering for about 43 minutes bc SANTI GOT THAT GRU CHINNN

WOT is that i googled it and the only thing that came up was the dad from despicable me lmfaosdkjfs but ok

Please, please do punk edits of your some of your characters! I'd die.

WHAT DOES THIS MEANNN do you mean like. those 2010 tumblr edits of punk disney characters and then the joker from suicide squad looked like one of them. do u want santi to be the joker. because my boyfriend already relates him to suicide squad joker because of his face tatt lmao

You love to make me cry

i do i’m sorry. if it makes you feel any better i love to make myself cry too. but my biceps grow stronger with every tear

I reeeally dont think those chancla comments were offensive??? Why would they be?? I'm hispanic (born and raised in the sunny Dominican Republic, received a fair amount of chancletazos myself) and I laughed out loud when i read them 😂😂

I JUST WANT U TO KNOW I SHOWED @ichosim THIS MESSAGE AND SHE LAUGHED FOR 12 HOURS AT “CHANCLETAZOS”

whATT my little brothers name is santiago n we call him santi for short!! guess it's not rly that uncommon but we live in a small country and he's also 4 so like,, no other santiagos!! idk why im saying this its completely irrelevant just kinda surprised me :'))

OMG wow hell yeah another real life santi...santi acts like a 4 yr old so he might as well be your brother

Just curious.. Do you play sims or just use it for storytelling? Sorry if thats weird haha

well my recent gameplay pics should answer your question lmao. i do like to play but i don’t have enough time to both play and pose scenes so i mostly just pose scenes for now. :[ i am gonna be off work for like two weeks tho so hell yeah gameplay here i come!!

I'm starting a Fiona appreciation movement because she is the real star of santis story RT and i love her and she is way underappreciated and I love her KThxBi

SHE IS THE REAL STAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ve said this before but santi’s relationship with her is the most important to me, out of every relationship he has in this story. i’m so glad you love her so much, sorry about what’s about to come in the next few scenes tho

Oh my heart, Santi is alive, god exist

I have a pretty hard time understanding Santi's story mostly because I'm not English but I'm sure I'll figure it out:)

ahh oh no D: i’m sorry i wish i spoke every language in the world lmao. if you want, you can message me off anon and i’ll help you understand it!!

Lou is an angel honestly

“there are worse things than seeing an angel before you die”

what tablet do you use? or how do you draw hair? it looks so pretty.

omg haha i don’t have one! i wish i did tho. all of the brushes i got from deviantart, i’m trying to find the specific ones but they’re all elusive wtf. i’ll post them when i find them! for now, here’s a good guide to drawing hair, by airi <3

Nah nah I always knew you'd save him.....eheheeh.....THANK YOU FOR NOT KILLING BABBY SANTEEEEEEEEE DNDDNSKANW YOU WOULD HAVE HAD SO MUCH BLOOD ON UR HANDS AS ALL UR FOLLOWERS COLLECTIVELY DIE FROM A BROKEN HEART BUT DW WE DIDNT BECAUSE UR QN ANGEL....but I toooootally knew you'd save him... /sweats/

I’M GLAD U HAD FAITH <3 i know omfg i would’ve expected a mob at my house if i’d actually killed him. if i ever killed him i would just lay down somewhere and die. that’s it for me

Lou & molly almost always have teeth showing, do you draw them on each pic?x

no, only sometimes i’ve drawn them when i felt like their mouths weren’t matching the expression i wanted. but most of the time it’s just the pose.

is it too late to send 16k dollars to guarantee santi's inclusion in a loving home with loving friends

it is absolutely never too late to send me 16k i promise you that

I just bought school books for $550 who knew studying marine biology could be so fuckING EXPENSIVE

EWW WTF...i’ve been lucky and haven’t had to spend a ton on books in my college career (one time i even went to such lengths that i got access to free trial version of one of my school books in a pdf, screencapped EVERY SINGLE PAGE, which was more than 400 pages, just so i wouldn’t have to spend $70 on it. i love cheating the system)

waIT i never saw ur selfie where is it, must see

u could probably just search “selfie” on my blog and find it, or enjoy the ugly closeup drunk snap i posted last night

Hey guys I'm a happy trans man that has no mental illnesses. I'm fucking pissed about Trump's ban. And to any one that says it's logical FUCK YOU! I'm having flashbacks to don't ask, don't tell because this is the same fucking wacked up logic. I'm so angry, like I'm a human, yes I may require testosterone shots once a month but that's it, I even administer them to myself. I pay for them with my own god damn money so fuck you transphobic bigots who say this law is fair. It's not. WE ARE HUMAN TOO Also same anon that ranted. Sorry about that I'm just really pissed and I love and thank you for sticking up for the community. We love you and I love you. And you're right not all trans people transition. We all do what we want to. Some start on T or E and have the full surgery. Some just have top surgery. Some just do testosterone or estrogen. Some never do anything. We're all still trans and we're all valid.

YES ALL OF THIS, sorry i didn’t answer this when it was all happening. but askdkjfas thank you for this message, I LOVE YOU TOO, SO MUCH <333 and i’m glad you feel comfortable enough to voice this in my inbox. yes every trans person is valid no matter what they decide to do with their bodies <3

One of those old hot topic shirts that said " if Darryl dies we riot " but with santi instead of Darryl.

OMG LMAOOOOO NOW THAT’S A CONCEPT who’s making these i want one

your use of references and reaction pics and gifs fucken KILLS ME

Crystal anon here. I googled around my area to find there are none of those y'know, crystal, candle, incense, magic type shops. I have panic attacks when I go outside and I wanted to look into alternative stuff since I'm on meds and w/e. I wanted to know if you or friends had any experience or recommendations for buying crystals online like on etsy or amazon. How can you tell if they're real?x

ooooh ok. usually there are shops like those in cities or even in towns with like kitschy little promenades with independent shops. (i know there’s one around the town over from mine, which is so random lmao) i do have friends that have crystals but i think they mostly just collect them for the ~good vibez~ and don’t really look too far into the healing aspects of them. i would say first go with the one that coincides with your birth because those are the ones that are like specifically catered to you and strengthen your being. as for buying online, hmmmmm i mean i don’t really know any specific trustworthy sellers because i don’t have much experience with this, but definitely read the reviews! those will help you a lot <3

Hello could you please tell us how you edited the pic of rooney in that one post that the anon asked for the unedited version?

i honestly didn’t do much of anything that differs from my usual editing process! i made her eyes a bit bigger by using the clone tool, cloning the top of her eye and applying it a little bit farther up...if that makes sense. it’s hard to explain how to use that tool lmao. and i think i used the liquify tool to bring part of her eyebrow down to look more worried.

there's still a part of me that says she ain't dead and molly is just in a coma lmao end mE

OMFLDKGKJS yeah she’s not dead surprise. i WILL say there is still flashback stuff that will be revealed. well not “revealed” like molly’s death was revealed, like i just still have to showcase some things that happened afterward. because it doesn’t just end with molly’s death, there’s stuff after that as well :~}

I'm Mexican, have lived around Mexicans, have been to Mexico multiple times growing up, just came back from a family trip at practically the border between Mexico and Guatemala and never in my life have I ever heard the word "joder" i had to look it up xD (not hating or anything I just thought I'd mention it cuz I found it funny...lol) k bye...

OK NOT SURE IF the ppl you’ve been around just don’t curse or whatever but...joder is DEFINITELY something i’ve heard mexican people say before lmao

Okay so this is random, but i was telling my sister the name of one your characters in ur story (santi) and she kinda just starts singing his name, and she said "santi high, santi low, santi go." And im just sitting there, like woah.

LMFAO WHATKNJDSKJGD “woah” same

u gonna incorporate fis hat into a really like emotional sad thing in her story huh

oMG i wasn’t planning on it but hmm 🤔

Why no el chingo? NO ME GUSTA (I'm joking btw ily)

LMFAOOOO because i didn’t wanna have to defile my son by downloading the penis mod RIP

let santi grow out dem eyebrows 2kforever

omg he does let them grow out except for the little line he shaved in when he was 14 that never grew back RIP

in ur bio it says "kt" and i know why,, it means killing them as in killing off ur characters slowly i see u gurl

i bet this story was just an excuse for you to see the world burn. well done.

OMG i mean, that was definitely one of the side effects of it all. but really it was just that i NEEDED to get this story out after it had lived in my brain for so long.

ur dead 2 me

I... just.... can't... too much pain Y U DO DIS 2 UZ?!?!!!

#anonymous #nonsims #saviorhide #sunny answers

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