#why the fuck do i have to be such a complete fucking disaster♡

[betasuppe]

I'm just so used to & so accepting to only ever get insults & complaints & harsh fucking critiques that I genuinely have no idea how to process kind compliments. Like, at all.

I've been torn up all day long after being pulled in to sit with my manager & expecting to get reemed to hell & back, where he just paid me compliment after compliment on things I only imagined my higher ups at work have never even acknowledged. & now I'm feeling really really weird by it all.

I'm literally just sitting here, hours & hours later, feeling worried & nervous, still waiting for the other shoe to drop and to get walloped even harder in the fucking face because. People just don't pay me compliments.

I don't know what the fuck to do like. I think I should be happy & grateful my higher ups have noticed me & acknowledge the special things I bring to the table. But instead, I have this huge feeling of just dread dread dread haunting me.

[kabie-whump]

♡ Febuwhump Day 27: Left for Dead ♡

@febuwhump

< Prev

Content: Guns, death threats, kidnapping, low-key suicidal whumpee

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

As dawn lights up the abandoned warehouse they’ve been sitting in all night, a newly stitched-up Whumpee tilts their head at Whumper with a smug little smile. “Told ya they wouldn’t show.”

“Why do you look so pleased? Your friends abandoned you. Left you for dead.”

“Cause I win.”

“You’re chained up. Completely at my mercy. I’m the only reason you haven’t bled out yet. You haven’t won shit.”

Whumpee sighs. “Can you just let me have this?”

“No.”

Whumper packs up their things, not missing the way Whumpee tenses expectantly when they pick up their gun to put it away.

“You’re not gonna shoot me?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Nope.”

“Then shut up.”

Whumpee continues to run their mouth for the entire drive to Whumper’s place. Whumper turns up the radio to drown them out. Whumpee sings along.

They really would do the responsible thing and gag their captive, but it’s a long drive and they just don’t want to make any stops.

At Whumper’s hideout Whumpee is deposited in a cell while Whumper goes to their room to pass out. Whumper doesn’t visit them again until the next morning.

“You’re healing quickly,” Whumper says as they reapply bandages to Whumpee’s wounds. “I’d like for you to fill your end of our deal today.”

Whumpee puts their shirt back on, wincing as they lift their arms above their head. “What deal?”

“You know. I don’t shoot you. You give me some info on your friends.”

“I didn’t shake on that.”

“I’ll get my gun, then.”

Whumpee flops back on their bed. “Okay.”

Whumper pauses, incredulous. “‘Okay?’” they mimic. “What is wrong with you?”

“I accepted my fate the second you grabbed me. Just make it quick, please.”

No wonder Whumpee’s team didn’t come for them. They’re a walking disaster. “You’re not in a position to make demands.”

“Then shoot me?”

“Wouldn’t you rather just answer my questions?”

“Not really. I don’t know what gives you the idea that I’d tell you anything.”

“Aren’t you mad at them?”

“Sure, yeah. But not enough to let you hurt them.”

“God. You are just…” Whumper shakes their head, at a loss for words for once. Something about Whumpee drives them crazy, but the thought of putting a gun to their head makes Whumper cringe internally. There’s potential here. They can’t waste it.

“The worst? Yeah, I’ve heard that one.”

“Pathetic.” That’s the word.

Whumpee shrugs, drawing blankets around their body and curling up as well as they can without disturbing their stitches.

“I’ll give you three days to think about it. After that… Let’s just say you’re going to tell me what I want to know whether you want to or not.”

“Can’t bring yourself to kill me, huh?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

@the-art-of-trepetnoi @unicornbeck

[wizardfrog69]

Helllooo! Could you write Ranpo, Fyodor, Chuuya, and Dazai (separately) meeting S/O’s family please? The classic family, overprotective dad and overprotective big brother, welcoming mother, the playful little kid siblings? How would the boys react to the family?

So idk what the "classic" family is so sorry if it looks like I have no idea what I'm doing, it's because I don't, but I'll try my best! :)

So I'm gonna add a grandmother cuz it's funny, she's gonna be the type who makes a shit ton of food and expects you to eat everything and constantly asks if you need more, you know the one. If you do not, I sincerely apologise.

Thank you for your request!

'•.¸♡meeting your family♡¸.•'

Gn!reader

Fluff

Masterlist

Enjoy!

Feat. Ranpo, Fyodor, Chuuya, Dazai.

Ranpo Edogawa

Meeting your family with Ranpo was a disaster, mainly because of Ranpo. He would constantly boast about himself being the greatest detective (and boyfriend) he didn't do it too often but he still mentioned it once or twice.

If your mother made something sweet he would be all in and love her and in turn she'll love him and fucking spoil him.

Your father and older brother weren't as pleased with him as your mother, Ranpo wasn't the most possessive type but when people acted like they owned you that is when he got pissed.

He would never dream of acting inappropriately round your parents but whenever his eyes met your fathers or older brothers he would snake his hand round your arm.

He didn't care all that much for your younger sibling(s), he probably got them something because you forced him to

He fucking loves your grandma. I mean how could he not when she constantly makes sooo much cake and amazing food!! She is his favourite relative of yours.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Fuck everyone is low key intimated by his presence. You probably told them there is nothing to be scared of before you introduced him to them. Fyodor is not trying to be intimating tho! He just .... has a vibe yk.

He brought some nice wine and flowers for your mother and whatever your father likes for him, maybe like some whisky or something probably.

He talks politics and other respectful topics your family chooses to talk about. Idk what people choose to talk about but usually we talk about history and politics, I think Fyodor will gladly talk about those topics.

It doesn't matter if your older brother is older, younger or your fucking twin, Fyodor will always seem older and more mature.

If your younger sibling is like 1 it will absolutely shit itself when they see him, they are fucking terrified.

He will compliment the cooking 100% I mean who wouldn't tbh but he definitely will.

I know I'm saying that everyone loves the grandmother but like why wouldn't he?!??!?! He would love raising a child who has a grandmother who freezes a shit ton of cake and makes the best god damn cooking you have ever taste.

Also, he wouldn't call your mother 'mom' but rather 'mother' or 'мать' (mat') which means mother in Russian if I'm not mistaken

Chuuya Nakahara

He wants to make the best first impression he can.

He'll dress up all nicely and everything! He brings some nice (and expensive) wine as an offering to your family.

He gets along with your brother the best, they are besties now! He also tries to get along with your younger siblings as much as he can but it's hard to be friends with a child when you aren't one yk.

If he was asked for his occupation he obviously won't say the fucking mafia, he made something up on the spot but the only thing he could come up with was bartender for some reason.

Your mother wasn't too fond of him but quickly grew to like him since you loved him so much.

Your father and Chuuya started talking about some team they both watch and that is mostly how they bonded.

Osamu Dazai

You had to force him to bring something nice for your parents as well.

He kept on complaining and whining about meeting them but once you got there it was as if he was a completely different person, he was nice and didn't ask anyone to commit double suicide?!?!?! Like who is this man!

He wooed your mother to like him which was pretty easy the more difficult task was getting the rest of your family to like him.

Honestly he probably just had to tell your younger siblings he was a detective and they are interested to listen to all the cool stories he has.

If your mother tells him to call her mom he will definitely call her mom like 24/7 not because it's rude to call her by her name but because he gets to have a mother to call 'mom'.

Also he wants to call your father 'daddy' just for the laughs but he won't, he calls him 'dad'.

He doesn't call your brother 'brother', 'bro' maybe but not brother.

After meeting your whole family and coming back for dinner or something he would come into the kitchen shout 'grandma' with open arms ready to give her a hug. He's lucky she wasn't cooking at the moment.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

Sorry I haven't posted anything, life's keeping me busy °^°

Have a wonderful day/night!

-Love, Az

[kneelingshadowsalome]

I can't take it anymore on how much I adore your series of FATUM NOS IUNGEBIT with reader and König ♡♡♡ writer I don't know how i can express my love for your writing that I won't hesitate to bow upon youu

How you write König in that series makes me SJFJDJFHWJFJWBHX as in IDFHEBFJAJBDJD like he is a walking huge dog. Him bringing gifts to reader with fine silk, jewerlies, and honeys from the village he destroyed l. I could imagine him wagging his non existence tail thinking his prize would love him for bringing those gifts for her and kicked lile a puppy when reader denies him (つд⊂) my heart can't take it.

Yet at the same time reader is adjusting to her new life of being the brute's possesion. I can't imagine how scared and confuse was she when König bu.rnt down her village, took her in, and spoiling her like a Goddess. Imagining Konig sees reader like a stray kitten when he took her in from her home. Loves her no matter what even though she hisses at him.

König be like: *gives love and gifts and wants to fuck her*

Reader: *confuse noises*

And OH GOD her eyes must have been wide and shocked when she sees his dick for the first time. I can also imagining her measuring it to her lower abdomen when konig is away to see if it fits EHDBGBJWJCOS

Oh my god first of all I’m so happy to hear that you like this silly story so much! 🩷

And yes König is exhausting his little walnut brain thinking about what must he do to make her happy and to get a slice of that sweet pie ❤️ Meanwhile, Fee is just completely traumatized and scared (and therefore mean), but after seeing that this dude is not going to pound her brains out if she’s not into it too, DAMN, it makes her so so curious!

And who’s around to blame or scold her for wanting to torture this beast who stole her? He’s the reason she lost everything she had. Why not have some fun by trying to discover how far she can push this guy’s limits before he breaks? (Lol she’s not playing with fire, she’s playing with a natural disaster + doesn't even realize that she’s falling in love with this big dork too)

And YES she has totally tried to measure some shit. For sure stared off into space after that. König comes back into the tent and wonders if there’s some dangerous animal in there with her for a moment because the look on his fairy’s face is so dumbstruck and slightly horrified. Like... does she need protection? He will kill who or whatever has made her look so scared and helpless! :(

[elettralightwood]

Moments from the email disaster that broke me in a million pieces ♡

“how could you possibly be stupid enough to get photographed? I swear to God—” Alex doesn’t even hear the last part of what she says, because his stomach has just dropped all the way down through the floor and into the fucking basements two floors below. “Fuck.”

Tinted windows, but he forgot about the fucking windshield.

Him whispering something in Henry’s ear while Henry smiles a soft, private smile.

Fucking shitting hell. He is so fucked. Henry is so fucked. And, Jesus Christ, his mother’s campaign is fucked, and his political career is fucked, and his ears are ringing, and he’s going to throw up.

God, Henry. All he can think about is Henry’s big blue eyes looking terrified, Henry’s breathing coming shallow and quick, locked in his bedroom in Kensington Palace and desperately alone, and his jaw locks up, something burning in the back of his throat.

On the second page, he sees them: printed and annotated excerpts of their emails. It begins with a line he’s read about a thousand times by now. Should I tell you that when we’re apart, your body comes back to me in dreams ... “Fuck!” he says a third time, spiking the newspaper at the floor. That one was his. It feels obscene to see it there.

When he reaches for an emotion to name, he finds he can’t pin one down, and something shudders inside him and shuts down completely.

“I am your mother. I was your mother before I was ever the president, and I’ll be your mother long after, to the day they put me in the ground and beyond this earth. You are my child. So, if you’re serious about this, I’ll back your play.”

“So,” she says. “Do you feel forever about him?” And there’s no room left to agonize over it, nothing left to do but say the thing he’s known all along. “Yeah,” he says, “I do.”

They all turn to look at him, and Alex feels a wave of something so much bigger than himself sweep over him. A sound escapes his throat uninvited, something that he barely even recognizes, and June has him first, then the rest of them, arms and arms and hands and hands, pulling him close and touching his face and moving him until he’s on the floor, thinking distantly that he’s having a panic attack, and that’s why he can’t breathe, but he’s just staring at the rug and he’s having a panic attack and knowing why his lungs won’t work doesn’t make them work again.

He sleeps in fits and starts, wakes up sweating, wakes up shivering. He dreams in short, fractured scenes that swell and fade erratically. He dreams of himself at war, in a muddy trench, love letter soaking red in his chest pocket. He dreams of a house in Travis County, doors locked, unwilling to let him in again. He dreams of a crown.

A tweet: lmaoooo wait look at page 22 of the emails alex is such a hoe. A tweet: OMFG DID YOU SEE somebody who went to uni with Henry posted some photos of him at a party and he is just like Profoundly Gay in them i’m screaming.

His mom has signed off on them going public with the truth, which is incredible, but there’s no reason to expect that from the crown. He could get marching orders to deny everything. He thinks he might grab Henry and run if it comes down to that.

Still, the cocky shithead part of him is slightly pleased to finally have a claim on Henry. Yep, the prince? Most eligible bachelor in the world? British accent, face like a Greek god, legs for days? Mine.

There are the flaws everyone’s allowed to see—his big mouth, his mercurial temper, his searing impulses —and then there’s this. It’s like how he only wears his glasses when nobody’s around: Nobody’s supposed to see how much he needs. He doesn’t care that people write about his sex life, real or imagined. He cares that they know, in his own private words, what’s pumping out of his heart.

And Henry. God, Henry. Those emails—those letters—were the one place Henry could say what he was really thinking. There’s nothing that wasn’t laid out in there: Henry being gay, Bea going to rehab, the queen tacitly keeping Henry in the closet. Alex hasn’t been a good Catholic in a long time, but he knows confession is a sacrament. They were supposed to stay safe.

“Hello?” It’s Henry’s voice, sweet and posh and shaky and confused, and relief knocks the wind out of him “Sweetheart.” He hears Henry’s exhale over the line. “Hi, love.”

“Philip broke a vase that belonged to Anne Boleyn, Gran ordered a communications lockdown, and Mum hasn’t spoken to anyone.”

“I won’t lie. Not about this. Not about you.” Alex’s eyelashes are wet. “I fucking love you.” “I love you too.”

“I’m coming. I’ll be there soon.” Henry exhales a wet, broken laugh. “Please, do hurry.”

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

hi, hello! absolutely love your work, and wanted to request a scenario for sve i’ve been thinking about for a bit now. It’s sort of complicated and long, so i understand if not, but thank you for reading in the first place! :3 ♡

how would the sve adventurers with marlon, and mages with camilla, jadu, & magnus react to a farmer who is an actively wanted fugitive in the gotoro empire, and also wanted by the ferngill republic for crimes committed against figures in both governments? and when revealed why exactly they did these things, it’s because they were killing them due to said figures being corrupt and harming the people? perhaps even going as far as to get rid of any wizards or witches in the ferngill republic ministry of magic who do it solely for the fame or adventures in various guilds in the order of the knights of pythagoras who are in it for the money and not to protect people? how would they react to this farmer, who’s been right under their watch the whole time, actually turn out to be someone they’ve been trying to capture for years, and completely evading them? i’d imagine even more angst if they had already formed complex relationships and friendships with everyone, only to be a wanted criminal, despite their inherently good intentions.

Headcanon when people who had good motives to protect the world killed other people who were corrupted and bad by their standards?*looking in the direction of the Cult of The Lady With The Red Tail from RSV mod* Yeah, I've heard something about that...

I recommend that you, dear anon, familiarise yourself with the Ridgeside Village mod, because there are at least two marriage candidates out there who live in the same scenario. But anyway, thank you very much for your kind words 🥺 Enjoy some headcanons and have a great day! 💕

_________________________________________

Isaac knew there was something fishy about Farmer! His own gut was screaming that something was wrong with them, and, oh look, he was absolutely right. The very same promising young adventurer, whom almost everyone praised to the skies (and even Isaac himself almost fell into this trap, accepting the offer of friendship), turned out to be a rotten through and through criminal. Killing corrupt people? That's just fucking wonderful, how honorable they are! Isaac wonders who gave Farmer the right to decide the fate of people? Who gave them the right to be judge and executioner? Corrupt adventurers and mages are scumbags who deserve to be punished. But Farmer is no better than them. So Isaac will drag them to the justice, and use force if he has to.

Magnus now doesn't know what's worse: the fact that Farmer he trusted turned out to be a criminal wanted by the Ministry of Magic, or the fact that almost half of his friends and colleagues (some already killed) turned out to be criminals too. And criminals not of the level of "stole 10000g" from the budget, but responsible for some disasters caused by magic that contributed to hundreds of innocent lives. Does he believe Farmer? Of course he believes him, since the wizard managed to put the seal of truth on them. Which, however, doesn't mean Magnus agrees with their path of vigilant. And so when they both decide to deal with the remaining corrupt adventurers, Farmer will also have to recognize their responsibility for killing others. And no, they can't refuse. Because Magnus has managed to put another seal on them...

Camilla only smirked after Farmer's admission. "I know all that, dear. Otherwise you'd have been rotting behind bars in a dungeon long ago." Instead of trying to explain to the main witch of the Galdora Continent about how Farmer had managed to become a wanted man in the Gotoro Empire/Ferngill Republic, they have to listen to details from Camilla that even they didn't know. Turns out she's been covering them. All the time. Why? Because she is well aware of all the secrets of some of her "colleagues" who never got a deserved punishment. Farmer was the first to confront them openly, even at the cost of their reputation. So Camilla felt it was her duty to help them cleanse all "pests". Oh, and she strongly advises them not to tell anyone about what the two of them have just talked about.

Alesia didn't even realise how she'd pointed the bowstring at the Farmer. All this time the man who was killing adventurers was right under her nose.... The sniper didn't take Isaac's warning too seriously... She may not have the same keen sense for criminals like her friend, but Alesia's eagle eyes and skilful hands would definitely keep her from missing if they try to escape. Maybe Farmer's telling the truth. Either way, they're both going to go deal with Camilla, she's sure to get the truth out. In the meantime. Alesia advises Farmer not to make any sudden moves. Unless they want an arrow in the head. So far all the facts are against Farmer: their word vs. entire murder reports of high profile adventurers...

Jadu is at a complete loss. On the one hand, common sense tells him that the man before him is a dangerous criminal who has broken the laws not only in the Republic, but also in the Gotoro Empire, which is at war with it. Not a word of such a person can be trusted. On the other hand, all the adventurers, witches and wizards who had fallen by the Farmer's hand had indeed had rumours of venality and even involvement in dark deeds. But they were just rumours! What if the Farmer had made a mistake, and destroyed a completely innocent man, framed by someone else? That never occurred to them?! Jadu must get them to the Ministry because he doesn't believe a word they say. And don't underestimate him, he is after all, a battle mage as good as any.

Well... That explains a lot to Lance. And there's no need for Farmer to look at him so surprised. After all, the gallant adventurer is not lacking in intelligence and is a very shrewd man. Lance was conducting his own, if you will, investigation, but he did it as carefully and from a distance as possible, so as not to cross the wrong person. Because there were inconsistencies in official statements about past tragedies in Castle Village. Then came the murders of suspicious members of the Order of the Knights of Pythagoras, all the blame was on "criminal №1" (Farmer, as it turned out), and then.... Hmm, yes, now that makes sense. Lance will get Farmer to Camilla, let them tell her everything, and wait to see what others say at the general court. "They were criminals, Farmer. But you too need to answer for your crimes. Murder is no way to solve problems."

Marlon outwardly may seem to have reacted very calmly to the truth, but inside the one-eyed adventurer a storm of emotions raged. His apprentice, a new member of the Adventurer's Guild, is the very same wanted killer of monster hunters from other guilds and clans. His murdered colleagues, according to Farmer's words, were not noble protectors of human race, but cowards and corrupt bastards. But is that true? Should Farmer be believed at all? What should Marlon even believe now? He's angry, but quickly calms down so he doesn't accidentally make any hasty decisions in a fit of rage. "You're in deep shit, kid." That was all Marlon could say. Better get Gil and Magnus to solve this problem with Farmer.

[s0ulryo]

ryo ryoo! congrats on 100 omg i hope u r having a wonderful day so far <33 ur event sounds interesting ngl👀

may i pls have a love potion with aged vinegar and perhaps a sprinkle of cinnamon feathers + prompt #15 with dottore (genshin)?

♡˚✎ˊˎ- Pining Disasters with Il Dottore

[Dottore x Reader] Potion Type: A Love Potion (romance) with Aged Vinegar (pining/flirtation) and Cinnamon Feathers (attraction/protection) [Fairy Wings are also included (headcanons – default format for the event)]! Prompt – #15 - “Why are you doing this for me?” “You know why.” ‘Yeah, but I’d like to hear you say it”

Synopsis: Mutual pining with Il Dottore. Tags: Fluff, slightly domestic, possibly ooc, soft headcanons Notes: us 🤝loving dottore. not proofread. writing this i got an ad from redecor (?) saying "oh no can you do better" :SOBBING:,,, SORRY, THIS IS KINDA SHORT #WRITERS BLOCK. THANK YOU FOR BEING A REQUESTER IN THE EVENT &lt;33.

Thanks for participating in the event!

(Reader is always gn unless specified otherwise.)

What a lovely combination of two frustrating things; pining and Dottore. 

Flirting with Dottore is such a massive headache. He either doesn’t understand the comment you made (primarily due to the severe social rejection he has faced from most people) or he will analyze it too deeply. 

“The Cicin Mage back there called you a snack — but if anything you’re a full course meal haha.”

“[Name] are you a cannibal?”

He’d understand your attempts to ‘woo’ him, and he’ll be super smug about it. It gives him such a massive ego boost to the point you can see him radiating with confidence. 

He believes that there's an odd charm to you. After all, to attract attention from someone like him you have to have something special about you. 

He’s needy — whiny too. He isn’t afraid to voice his opinions if he’s aware of the feelings you both share mutually. 

He gets jealous quite easily. You are the only person who hasn’t treated him like a complete asshole so he’s a bit possessive and protective over you. 

He isn’t the aggressive possessive type though, he's the sad overthinking type. Unless his jealousy sparks from someone he doesn’t like, then he becomes the whiny, clingy, and evasive type. All he really wants to do is be around you and protect you even if you can protect yourself. 

He likes it when you sit in his lab and help him with his experiments, but if you choose not to help him with his experiments he can settle for you just being around him. 

He’s a bit dense when it comes to you flirting with him, but he is absolute shit at flirting. He’d either forget what he was going to say, say it wrong, or end up directing an insult at you. 

“Ah [Name], I like your shirt — it almost fits you.”

“Dottore what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

He’d be so confused after that. He might even suck up his pride and ask Pantalone what he did wrong. 

Dottore also thinks he’s super slick about his feelings for you. He thinks he’s subtle when he dotes on you, giving you almost anything you want or need. He also stares at you a lot when you aren’t facing him; he genuinely thinks you don’t notice when he is staring at you. 

Any observer would question your safety though. They would be extremely confused by his change in demeanor but mortified by the way his eyes follow your figure. They would probably say a prayer for your safety and avoid you at all costs. 

He’d pick up more domestic roles for you. Shopping, cooking, basic date night stuff — if you really want it, he’ll do it…That doesn’t mean he’s good at it though. He’s a sweetheart with psychopathic tendencies and an inability to cook anything that needs to be heated.

“Dottore please stop cooking for me, I appreciate the effort but I don’t like coming to your house to help put out a fire — Why are you doing this for me anyways?”

“You know why [Name].”

“Yeah, but I’d like to hear you say it”

He kicked you out of his home after that; but don’t worry, he decided that he will just goes to yours instead. 

[the-golden-onion]

3 things I want to know about you:

1. Who is your favorite Twilight character?

2. Why are they your favorite character?

3. Is the Golden Onion solid gold or is it an onion that happens to be gold on the outside or something else?

1) mike newton is my fave character he is my poor little meow meow disaster trashcan and i love him with all my heart. angela is right up there with him too but she doesn’t give me brainworms like sir fig newton does ♡

2) mike is just so fucking hilarious i can’t help but love him skdbdjdj - ive spent so much time thinking about him over the years i know more about him than anyone else on this planet and one day i’ll actually post more of my fic and you will all get a chance to know the True Mike™ like i do. smeyer’s treatment of the human characters is boring and annoying and there’s so much more depth there than what she gave us. yes he’s a dumbass but he’s my dumbass and i love him so much skdhdjdjd

as for angela, she’s such an underrated character and like mike i’ve spent soooooo many years thinking so hard about her & have completely fleshed her out in ways that would send smeyer into the biggest tantrum ever akshdjdjd. angela is such a gentle soul and i love her so much, she was my favorite when i first read the books a bazillion years ago and she always will be. also yes i am extremely gay and christian serratos mf delivered. bless up. once again most of my hc for her etc will be revealed in the fic i’ve been working on for years and i’m too tired to type it all out here, but she’s extremely precious to me ♡

3) obviously the golden onion is made of layers upon layers pure gold and starlight and is the most precious/expensive/lavish thing in all of forks and is also sentient with mind control powers and is the one personally blocking all of bellas thoughts just to fuck with edward as much as possible.

sjdbdjdbdbd no but i love to think of mr molina desperately trying to figure out how to get his students to engage with his class more and waking up from a dream in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, Plagued By Visions, and just like manically spray painting an onion gold at 3am like “yes this is it. this is the answer to all my problems” before passing out again in all the fumes

[chaotiquetm]

                    ho-ho-holy shit not only is it finally the fucking END OF 2017, it’s also a little past the 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY of this flaming dumpster of a blog !  i also hit 250 followers a couple of days ago, but that’s a celebration for another day...  nonetheless, let’s all be honest here --- 2017 was a complete and total shitfest of a year.  it was rough on all of us, so here’s to hoping 2018 will be kinder to us !  as seasons change, so do we !  darkness gives way to light, and new life begins.  so, to everyone, 明けましておめでとうございます !  今年もよろしくお願いします !

                    a good majority of my followers know who i am, but to those that are new ‘round here --- whaddup, i’m umby, i’m 19, and i never fuckin learned how to read !!  a couple of mutuals here have also followed me on blogs in other fandoms, and an even smaller amount of you guys might remember that i used to write a miles / mitsurugi.  so, in short... kazuma wasn’t my first rodeo in the ace attorney community !  and needless to say, this community is honestly such a good one ?  i won’t delve into deets on that, but... there’s definitely a reason as to why i’ve been in this community for over two years now !

          to all my followers, writing partners, mutuals i’ve never spoken to --- even the anons, both the good and the bad --- thank you so much for making my stay here stellar !  it’d be redundant for me to say how much i love writing kazuma and haori, as well as developing them, but i’ll say it anyway !  these two Disaster Disasters™ are incredibly special to me, and will always hold a special place in my heart --- and it’s all thanks to you guys !  you guys have stuck with my dumb ass for the past two years, through all of my shitposting, negativity, as well as the rare occasions where i actually do write here oops.  i’ve met some wonderful individuals through this community, and it’s all because of your support that i’ve gotten to where i am today !!  so, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much, for your patience, for your kindness, for everything else in between.  thank you all for being a part of my 2017, and i hope to have held the same weight in all of yours !  i look forward to spending 2018 --- and hopefully even on --- with all of you guys, so i hope you’ll all have me !

                    anyway, words are fleeting and i don’t want to subject you guys to more sap than is necessary, so i’ll draw the line here.  to those that have made it this far, THANK YOU.  here’s to a new year --- to 2018 --- which will hopefully be kinder than the last.  again, 明けましておめでとうございます !  and of course, 今年もよろしくお願いします !!   ♡

[33max]

MASTERLIST

STAR WARS ♡

Anakin Skywalker 

All I learned growing up was that love would chew me up → You and Anakin have been apart for some time, you’re both struggling with the distance. You have a heartfelt holo call which leads to some dirty talk. NSFW. 1169 words.

Anakin Skywalker x Obi-Wan Kenobi 

Broken Chords → Rock Band AU. Anakin Skywalker is the lead singer in the up and coming rock band Disaster Lineage. After the success of their debut album, a reporter from The Dirt magazine joins them on their first headline US tour to write an exclusive article about the making of their hugely anticipated second album. Obi-Wan Kenobi doesn't even like rock music, he has no idea why they want him to write this article... but he needs the money. If the lead singer happens to be pretty, well that is only an added bonus. NSFW, Ongoing.

PEAKY BLINDERS ♡

Tommy Shelby x Reader

Sit on my lap → Tommy is working in his office late at night. You have been waiting for him to come to bed for a while, playing with yourself and getting increasingly desperate for him. Eventually, you go to find him and he makes you sit on his lap and wait for him to finish what he is doing. NSFW. 1545 words.

Challenge Accepted → Upon finding out you have never had an orgasm, Tommy makes it his personal mission to get you, his best friend, to come. “I’m telling you right now, I could do it. I could do it with my fingers, I could do it with my tongue and I could definitely do it with my fucking cock.” NSFW. 2431 words.

Kill For Me →��You have been sent to kill Tommy Shelby, but you should have known that the criminal kingpin is always ten steps ahead of everybody else. 1315 words.

Don’t Start With Me → You’re feeling argumentative, but Tommy is not in the mood for an argument... He is in the mood to have his way with you in the bedroom - “Be good, little one. You know what will happen if you don’t behave yourself.” NSFW. 3750 words.

Second Chance → You and Tommy have been together since you were teenagers, you love each other dearly but no matter how hard you try the break up is inevitable. Based off of the quote “And when it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish you could have all the bad stuff back, so you can have the good.” 2011 words.

Exit Wounds → A business deal gone wrong leaves you injured and fighting for your life in Tommy’s arms. 1681 words.

Sub!Tommy Verse

Be Good For Me → Tommy hasn’t slept in four days, he’s exhausted and needs help relaxing. You help him shut out the rest of the world for a little while by taking complete control of your husband in the bedroom. NSFW. 3617 words.

Breakdown and Build Again → Tommy spends three weeks denying himself what he truly needs because you have been busy and he doesn’t want to bother you. However, this only results in him epically breaking down and confessing all the submissive parts of himself - finally verbalising how much he needs you to look after him sometimes. NSFW. 3331 words.

Fifteen Thousand Pounds → It took you a while to realise why Tommy was a fidgeting mess - he was nervous about the business meeting he had with Mr Petrovna, the Russian crook he had become involved with. To help ease his nerves, you blow him under the desk while he makes a deal with the unsuspecting Russian. NSFW. 3565 words.

Michael Gray x Reader

Friends → Michael has been supportive, he’s kept his feelings quiet and he’s not picked a side while he’s watched your relationship with his cousin gradually fall apart. How much longer can he pretend he doesn’t want you all to himself? How much longer can you pretend you don’t want Michael right back? NSFW. 4283 words.

Protect You → When you make your escape from an abusive relationship, you run into Michael and he promises that he will protect you now. 1544 words.

Finn Shelby x Reader

You look lost → You meet Finn in the bookies while placing a bet for your dad, he gives you some tips and your relationship flourishes quickly from there. 1104 words.