#why would we have to give louis a fake child if he was straight and dating his long term gf

[ladybugpowermakeup]

Okay. Okay. Hear me out. Because I'm Greek mythology trash.

An Odyssey AU for Miraculous Ladybug. Think about it. Adrien is the most Odysseus character I've ever seen. Fake piano playing? Hiding in a fountain? I mean, it practically writes itself. And Marinette as Penelope is equally as perfect - she creates, but she's smart enough to pull it all apart at the end of the day.

Now here is where things get a little strange: Telemachus. Being an avid MLB fanfiction reader (and ignoring all of seasons 4 and 5), I'm very well aware that Adrienette's kids are supposedly going to be Louis, Hugo, and Emma. Now tell me, what could Emma be short for? That's right, Telemachus. So hear me out - Adrien was drafted into the war *Before* Emma was born, so he never knew he had a daughter and his last request for his child was to name them Telemachus. But when she was born a girl, she was nicknamed Emma. Hugo and Louis don't exist in this version, obviously.

So we have our main family, what about everyone else? Well, we have Adrian's two crewmates, Polites and Eurilochus. Or in this case, Nino and Felix. Nino is his friend who fought at his side and is tragically killed along the ride back, causing Adrian to go into a spiral of grief, whereas Felix is his somewhat suspicious and angry second in command who can't understand why Adrien is being so reckless with his own life and that of the crew to get back to his wife and child. So eventually he starts straight up sabotaging the trip to try and get through to Adrien, which doesn't ever work because when Adrien is in love, he doesn't notice other people.

As for the people they meet on their travels:

Circe is Lila - this one feels pretty self explanatory, except for the fact that Lila would never care that much about the nymphs around her, so I'm thinking she lives alone on the island and basically functions as a non-water siren - she draws men in with comfort and beauty and then turns them into pigs.

The wind god Aeolus is just Trixx - they're weird and whimsical and would absolutely give someone a bag of wind with the word "gold" written on it.

Calypso is Chloe, left there alone on this island for "protection" from her overbearing father, a minor deity. Again, this just kind of makes sense in my brain. And she gets a little bit of a redemption when she finally willingly lets Adrien go home.

When the crew of the ship go down into the underworld, they meet "Tyresius", who in this case is Master Fu. Weird cryptic old wise guy who's maybe dead? Yeah. That fits.

And finally we have the deities themselves. Like I said, Trixx is already accounted for, so we have three main ones - Posideon, Athena, and Hermes.

Posideon is most definitely ShadowMoth - not really any meaning behind this, we're just making him mysterious and powerful and angry at Adrien for seemingly no reason. But he's doing his best to keep this man from reaching home, possibly because early in the journey, Adrien was instrumental in killing a sentimonster, which canonically is kind of a piece of the creator.

Athena and Hermes are two of a pair - Tikki and Plagg, obviously. Wisdom and trickery, sounds just about right to me.

Anyway, this has been on my brain. Enjoy the weird crossover! If you do anything with it, please tag me!

[luckyagain]

.

[twelvedaysinaugust]

Closeting CONTRACTS do not exist they are illegal. Louis and Harry are millionaires and have been millionaires for many years now, you honestly think they are so stupid that they cannot get out of a contract that is illegal? You think their lawyers can’t do their jobs and get them out of an illegal contract/stop them signing an oppressive contract? There is no evidence of anyone who has been contractually forced to fake a girlfriend and a baby. None. Artists hiding their sexuality because they were scared it would ruin their career is not the same as contractually closeting someone. And all these examples that y’all love to use have been able to come out, yet after nearly 12 years Louis and Harry are still apparently stuck? Despite the fact they have sooo much privilege as rich white men? So the only other option then it’s that they’re choosing to closet themselves and if that’s the case then 1. It’s absolutely none of your business to be speculating about and 2. Louis is the worst person in the world by dragging innocent women and a child through this mess. They literally used to play up Larry for fan service and then realised that y’all are actually serious and started to pull apart, management didn’t make them do that it’s very obvious that Louis doesn’t like larry.

Neither of them are with that 1d team any more either. So There’s apparently a contract that spans through the music and film industry over multiple companies and it’s been allowed? They’re apparently so open and everyone knows about them but they’re under a contract that is stopping them being out? It makes absolutely no sense. Louis Tomlinson is not this big threat to the music industry that they need to keep him closeted and everyone already knows Harry is not straight there’s no need to cover anything up. The amount of times Louis and their families have denied it is ridiculous and y’all are still here with these dumb conspiracies despite the fact they’ve TOLD you it’s not true. They cannot force Louis to say anything, he’s said those from his own free will. These “theories” that are just manipulated and based on what clothes they’re wearing or if they’ve been seen on the same day is not proof. Louis is straight, he bullied gay kids in school and threw a tantrum when someone claimed he was an ally.Stop trying to make him into some gay martyr who is oppressed. He’s not.

I wrote a long response to this and then deleted it. I guess there are only a few things I want to say. First, I hope it’s been clear on my blog that “contracts” and “fake babies” are not my take on the situation.

But more importantly, I see these narratives repeatedly and they really bother me: Harry being the out-and-proud counterpoint to Louis’ closeted and ashamed self OR Harry being the liberated and boundary breaking foil to Louis’ toxic masculinity. Irrespective of Larry, their situations are very different. But make no mistake, Harry is closeted. Any “official” or “confirmed” list of Harry’s partners and hookups will only include women. That’s a closet. To be clear: I do not think Harry (or Louis) is ashamed. But you say: “Everyone already knows Harry is not straight there’s no need to cover anything up.” Larry aside, that’s not an accurate - or compassionate - reflection of Harry’s situation.

It sounds like we have very different opinions about Louis. If you’re interested, I wrote a post about Louis’ closet and relationship to the LGBTQ+ community. It doesn’t mention contracts, Modest!, Sony, or Simon. But regardless of his sexuality, Louis makes a lot of queer fans feel safe, accepted, seen, and heard. Why can’t we give credit where it’s due? Louis has made mistakes. But then again, so has Harry. I think Louis deserves a little more compassion and understanding.

[larryfanficwriter98]

Chapter Five

Fake It Until You Make It Real

Friday night by seven o'clock found Louis being served a plate of steak, baked shell mac and cheese, honey buttered rolls, and a small side salad as he graded his papers.

"Thank you." Louis said looking up at Harry briefly as he sat to his left, "I could have helped you know."

"The only thing you need to do is one never do work at my dining table again and two eat." Harry said glaring at him playfully, "I have an office y'know, I have a spare office even if you wanted that for yourself. My dining table is not your desk."

"You're the one that demanded to keep conversation going about wedding flowers while I had to grade. I was moving to the coffee table. But I promise I won't turn your dining table into my desk."

"Good. Now eat." Louis rolled his eyes but set his red pen down and moved the graded stuff into his bag and the unmarked stuff to the living room coffee table for now. Returning to his seat he grabbed his fork and dug into his side salad first wanting to taste the homemade dressing Harry made.

"My mom is going to love you and demand to know how you made me eat a salad." Louis grumbled as he shoved another forkful into his mouth glaring at Harry.

"I'll be sure to give her my recipe." Harry said, "I use to cook with my mom almost every night, so I learned a thing or two."

"Now I feel like I shouldn't even try to cook your dinner. I'll disappoint you."

"Never. I just got into cooking because I have an empty house all the time. You have Freddie who gets hungry in five minutes and expects food in ten. You're not obligated to try and impress me with your cooking. If it's edible I'm happy. Doesn't even have to be warm. I'll eat cold food if I'm hungry enough. Hannah actually left out frozen pizzas or canned soup for me all the time. Most of the time the pizza was thawed by the time I got home and so it wasn't good to cook and the soup I would just open and eat without heating it."

"She didn't make you dinner?"

"Nope."

"Well, I guess I don't have to best her at being the better housewife." Harry choked on his beer and laughed as he wiped his mouth off.

"If there was a competition, I promise you, you have already won it.  Anyway, speaking of your soon to be married title I picked up our engagement rings. Yes, I got us matching ones so the nurses can stop trying to persuade me into being straight. I’ve been telling them I’ve had a boyfriend for months and I think they don’t believe me.”

“Should I come by to your work to give you lunch one day? Be extra flirty?”

“Would you?” Louis laughed looking down at his plate, “I’m serious over here.”

“Sure, I’ll come over in my tightest pair of pants and your sweater I have at my house.”

“I have the perfect pullover hold on.” Louis opened his mouth to tell Harry to sit down but Harry was already running up the stairs by the time the words registered in his brain. Harry came back down on a minute later with a white pullover and when he spread it out, he saw STYLES was written on the back with the letter ‘19’ on the front and back.

“The hospital has a football team to encourage exercise and outdoor play. I bloody suck at football, but as my boyfriend you support me anyway.”

“Fiancé and give it.”

“Soon to be fiancé.” Harry countered with a grin as he handed the pullover to Louis who laid it with his other stuff in the living room. “Just come in wearing that and they’ll…hopefully back off.”

“Oh, they’ll back off. I can be mean if I want to be.”

“You’re the best.”

*********

Saturday morning Harry was waking Louis up in the guest room with French Toast, bacon, and three poached eggs.

“Eat, get ready, we should leave in two hours.”

“Go away.” Louis groaned, “Why did I agree to do this today?”

“Because you and I both know it’ll be easier to do wedding things without Freddie there. As much as I adore him, it would be very boring. See you downstairs.” Louis glared at Harry’s retreating back then turned his attention to the plate of breakfast and decided getting up this early was an even trade for breakfast that looked that good. Louis ate his breakfast quickly then got dressed for a day outside in the late September weather. He took his plate downstairs and put it in the dishwasher and turned to Harry as he laid out on the couch, his phone in his hands.

“Are you taking a selfie?” Louis asked grinning when Harry stretched his neck to look at him with a beet red face.

“I’m snapchatting Maddie. Meanie.”

“Meanie?! Wow. I’m impressed. For a doctor you certainly have a way with words.” Harry grinned rolling his eyes before looking back at his phone, “You take selfies weird.”

“There is no wrong way to take a picture you  child. Stop making fun of me.” Louis laughed and headed to him, hands on his hips as he stood where his head was resting on the arm of couch.

“Ready to go old man?” Harry laid his phone on his chest facing upwards and looked at him with a soft smile on his lips, “What?”

“I bet you looked cute pregnant.”

“Really? That’s what you are thinking about? Well for the record I most certainly did not look cute pregnant. My ex made sure to tell me that everyday too. He wouldn’t even give a hand if you know what I mean when my stomach was in the way.”

“You’re joking.” Louis shook his head, “What a douche. Why did you like him?”

“The sex was good. I was young and naïve. He gave great head all things considered.” Harry laughed, “What? It’s true. Why’d you stay with Hannah for so long?”

“It wasn’t the sex I can tell you that much. When we were about to break up, we found out she was pregnant, so we stayed together. We had been having a hard time in uni, so we were discussing breaking it off but then she told me she was late one night, and I got a pregnancy test for her and it was positive. Honestly, I don’t even remember the last time I had sex…god I’m lame.” Louis laughed as Harry swung his legs to the ground and pushed himself up, “Ready then?”

“Yeah, come on virgin Mary.”

“Not funny. When was the last time you got laid?”

“Point taken. Moving on.” Louis said grabbing Harry’s pullover he gave him yesterday and pulling it on as they left the house. Louis slid into the passenger seat of Harry’s Murano as Harry got into the driver’s seat. “Where are we headed first?”

“I figured we’d do what will take us the longest first which is our venue. They’re all south of us as well except one. Want to start with the furthest one out which is four hours out. Ready?”

“I’m taking a nap on the road.”

“Go ahead.”

As predicted the venue looking took all day, but it wasn’t taxing at all. Most of the venues they were able to walk around alone or with just one staff member. The colorful leaves on the trees, not yet having fallen down, made every location look breath taking and each venue had pictures of what it would look like in the winter. It was relaxing really, and since Harry had only written down the ones that had the 19th available, they didn’t have to worry about falling in love with a place only for it to not be free that date. Louis held Harry’s hand throughout the day watching as he charmed his way through staff members and watching as his eyes lit up when he saw the snowy landscapes. There had been one staff member that hadn’t taken his eyes off of Harry for more than a few seconds that Louis shut down with a raised brow that made Harry blush and grin widely trying to pretend he had no idea what just happened and why the staff member didn’t look at Harry any more than appropriate after that. When they got to the SUV Harry had pinch him and exclaimed, they could not pick that venue for fear of a staff member ruining their wedding because of Louis. Louis had laughed and continued to laugh as they drove to the other venue. By the time they got home the sun was set and they had grabbed takeout on the road then relaxed on the couch watching a movie as they talked about the venues and what they liked and didn’t like until they had narrowed it down to their top three.

You guys will be able to have a say in the venue! The reason it has taken so long is because as an American I have no idea about wedding venues in the UK. So I've been googling and I've only selected the ones that had Winter pictures so we all get an idea of what it looks like. In the comments go ahead and comment your favorite! It can be you only favorite or your top three! I do have three favorites that I am in love with writing a scene with.  The Mills Wedding Venue didn't have many winter photos so I encourage everyone to google all the locations as well to get a good feel of them. I LOVE ALMOST EVERY SINGLE ONE SO THIS IS ALL UP TO YOU! I'll be counting Wattpad, Tumblr, and Archive's comments as they come until I am writing the chapter. If you need better pictures they will be on my tumblr page! LarryFanficWriter!

[fournipplesau]

Wait dose Louis actually have a girlfriend and a kid? Why would people think larrie is real (right now, not in the past) if he has an actual girlfriend? Like is the girlfriend part a media ploy? I'm not an anti btw. I'm genuinely asking as someone who has followed you for a while but has next to no knowledge about One Direction xD

Hi love! I saw your other ask as well, don’t worry about it haha.

It may seem that way to the outside world, for those who don’t know much about it. But no, he doesn’t. I don’t like to give out my full opinion on babygate (which is what we call the stunt involving Louis, B, and the child) but I could totally link you to info about it, if you don’t mind doing a bit of reading !  HERE and HERE is your go to for anything about this whole situation. 

As for the girlfriend, he has never had one. El is his “current girlfriend” according to everyone else but that too is as fake as it can be. Over the years there’s been a lot of crap, and it is a ploy indeed. I’d be here forever if I explained it all, but in short there were obviously contracts and other means put into place to force the narrative that Louis is straight, and that H and L are not in a gay relationship and have never been. Along with the links about babygate, Gabi from @tellmethisisnotlove also has an entire masterpost about everything Larry, Including stunts, narratives, receipts. You’ll find some cute things too. It’s worth having a look through, I believe Gabi has the post with all the links pinned ! xx

[blouisparadise]

There were so many amazing bottom Louis fics posted or completed during the month of January. We really hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) When Boys Become Drugs | Not Rated | 274 words

Louis' always been a wild child.

2) Imagine | Not Rated | 1203 words

"...Imagine a world like that."

Where Harry and Louis talk about what life would have been like if they did not decide to join the band and ran away together, but they quickly realize they would not be as strong and as in love as they are here in this moment in time if they would not have taken the risk. And no matter what they came face to face with, they both knew that in their hearts that they would be the definite endgame for one another and nothing could tear them apart.

Inspired by Ariana Grande's single, 'Imagine.'

3) You Make My Heart Race | Explicit | 1333 words

Louis just wants to have it rough, Harry gives him rough.

4) Scars Don't Make You Ugly | Mature | 1604 words

Sometimes Louis needs to be reminded that hes beautiful

5) Falling Too Deep | Explicit | 2895 words

Niall helps Harry find someone spend his rut with.

Louis can make alphas drop.

6) No One But You Got Me Feeling This Way | Explicit | 3787 words

The one where Harry has a particular desire that only Louis can fulfil.

7) One Touch Is Never Enough | Explicit | 3854 words

It’s been a rough year for Louis. First, he was turned into a werewolf, which hasn't been so bad, except that he didn't anticipate how it would affect his love life. Maybe it’d be easier to ignore if he wasn’t constantly bombarded by the sound of his two werewolf best friends getting it on in the next room.

At least they were nice enough to give him a gift certificate for a massage.

8) I Don't Want A Taste (I Want It All) | Explicit | 3865 words

AU where Harry tells Louis to go fuck himself, Louis tells Harry to fuck him himself, and Harry follows through.

9) In This Light (I Fell For You) | Mature | 5334 words

Christmas AU where Harry is going to perform his very first concert and Louis is his mute (and very supportive) boyfriend. Also lots of kittens, bad puns and boyfriends being cute.

10) Azaleas Where Your Face Should Be | Explicit | 5626 words

Note: This BL Exchange fic was posted in December, but it wasn’t made public until January. That’s why we’ve included it in this monthly roundup.

Harry and Louis having some sexy time and some sappy time and sometimes both at the same time.

11) Searching For A Sweet Surrender | Explicit | 7250 words

The one where Louis is acting extra bratty at Ed's wedding and Harry gives him exactly what he needs.

12) Beautifully Broken | Mature | 7827 words

Note: This BL Exchange fic was posted in December, but it wasn’t made public until January. That’s why we’ve included it in this monthly roundup.

Louis's a little broken, but that's okay. Harry's studying to be a psychologist. They bond over thrift shop trinkets and vinyls. They make it okay.

13) Into It | Explicit | 9197 words

Note: This BL Exchange fic was posted in December, but it wasn’t made public until January. That’s why we’ve included it in this monthly roundup.

Louis meets Harry. They hit it off.

14) The Heist | Explicit | 9423 words

Note: This BL Exchange fic was posted in December, but it wasn’t made public until January. That’s why we’ve included it in this monthly roundup.

“If you sabotage us, I get a bullet in my head. You’re willing to let me die just so you can avenge your-“ Harry pauses, glancing over Louis’ shoulder to see Liam and Zayn watching them carefully. Their eyes are squinted, arms crossed and ready to step in if need be. “Just so you can take care of some unfinished business?” Harry questions uneasily. Without hesitation, Louis replies, “Yes.” Harry grits his teeth together in frustration before stepping back, pinching the bridge of his nose as he feels a headache creep into his temples.

15) If Walls Could Talk | Explicit | 10028 words

Harry is in love with his straight best friend. He thinks he doesn't have a chance, until Louis presents him with a challenge he can't refuse.

16) Tattooed Heart | Explicit | 10035 words

Note: This is a sequel to this fic.

“Is that fucking real?”

Harry grins. “Feel for yourself.”

A curious hand comes to trace over Harry’s chest, sighing in awe. “Harry.”

He watches him as he does it and wishes he had a camera on him, because the sight of Louis’ dainty hand caressing the beautiful L written in intricate cursive right over Harry’s heart has to be the single greatest thing he’s ever seen.

“Like it?” he asks.

“Harry,” Louis repeats, suddenly digging his thumb into the skin as if it was going to disappear at any second—it wasn’t, something Harry’s tattoo artist made sure of. “That’s—that’s permanent.”

“You’re permanent,” Harry replies, simple as can be.

17) Holding Back the Flood | Not Rated | 11454 words

Louis Tomlinson has always been the star of the Manchester Megalodons, beloved by his coach and looked up to by his teammates. He won’t stand for anyone stealing his limelight, especially Harry fucking Styles...

18) Damn Your Love, Damn Your Lies | Explicit | 14860 words

Note: This BL Exchange fic was posted in December, but it wasn’t made public until January. That’s why we’ve included it in this monthly roundup.

“Of course you’d use your free time to go to the gym.”

“Your idea of the best way to spend your free time is annoying your neighbors,” he laughs, dimples carved into his cheeks like marble.

No, Louis likes to annoy Harry. Everyone else on this floor is just an unfortunate casualty.

“No one has complained except for you,” Louis informs him smartly. Which is actually a good thing. If someone other than Harry had complained to him long ago, he would have unfortunately had to stop.

19) Pleasure Over Matter | Explicit | 15204 words

Harry is a bit out of his element, and an unsuspecting stranger provides him temporary relief.

20) I Been Feeling High When I Touch Your Body | Not Rated | 16946 words

Harry is a boxer, Louis is an architect and Liam is the worst cupid that could ever exist.

21) The Dream That You Wish | Explicit | 21543 words

Note: This BL Exchange fic was posted in December, but it wasn’t made public until January. That’s why we’ve included it in this monthly roundup.

Disneyland!AU where the park's Peter Pan is rumoured to be fooling around with Prince Charming in the castle. There's also Baymax desperately trying to capture the heart of Pooh Bear while shift manager boyfriends Niall and Shawn are tired of watching it all go down in the happiest place on Earth.

22) Middle Ground | Explicit | 23561 words

Note: This BL Exchange fic was posted in December, but it wasn’t made public until January. That’s why we’ve included it in this monthly roundup.

It’s like all week, Harry is a normal person. Him and Louis don’t know each other, don’t acknowledge each other but if they did, it would be with disdain. Then on Sundays, they gravitate towards each other without fail.

Harry moves to a new town for work where he meets the enigma that is Louis Tomlinson.

23) Etched in Salt (Is a Cathedral of the World) | Explicit | 24416 words

Note: This fic has mentions of BH.

Louis asks for very few things in life, and they are: to solve cases, to keep bad people from doing their bad things, to get good coffee, to go home to a spacious apartment with nobody else in it, and to manage his stupid telempathy powers with minimal interference. And now he's stuck in a tiny cabin in a snowstorm in the middle of god-awful-nowhere with Harry Styles. Because of course he is.

24) Sweet Dreams Are Made of This | Mature | 30004 words

Loosely based on The Wedding Date. Inspired by 27 Dresses. Basically, Fake Boyfriend AU with a twist. Louis' sister is unknowingly getting married to the ex who broke his heart. When faced with the prospect of turning up alone, Louis panics and hires a corporate escort named Harry. General chaos and epic jealousy ensues.

25) Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat | Explicit | 34572 words

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

26) Long Road To Ruin | Explicit | 38655 words

Note: This BL Exchange fic was posted in December, but it wasn’t made public until January. That’s why we’ve included it in this monthly roundup.

"I remember thinking I would have done anything you ever asked me to do, without reserve. I was a fool to think that maybe you’d grow to do the same for me." Or the one where two people can be in love but not belong to each other.

27) I Just Wanna Get Back to Us | Mature | 62131 words

Where Harry and Louis are divorced soulmates who are seeing each other for the first time in two years.

28) Non-Disclosure | Mature | 170219 words

Being a world class Director, producing some of the best rated Romance movies to date, Louis was easily a sucker for the ‘Happy Ever After’.

Except, in a world where he pretends and imagines true love. He was stuck inbetween what he thought was the love of his life and everything trying to stop them.

"I did a lot of thinking when I was gone and every scenario I came up with ended with you. I'm fucking scared and I have no idea what will happen from now but I'd risk it all, if you could promise me a lifetime"

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

[harrystylesimagines2019]

Fill Your Guts Or Spill Your Guts

“Okay, welcome back we are sat around this lovely table tonight with Mr and Mrs Styles, Ewan McGregor and myself”

(Y/N) waves at the camera as Harry lazy puts his arm around the back of her chair.

“Okay let’s see what we have here tonight. We have a Salmon Smoothie, Beef Tongue, bird saliva, hering rollmop, scorpion, fish head, hot sauce and a bulls penis” James sais giggling.

“Okay so here’s how it works Ewan and I will be asking Harry and (y/n), and vis verser.

Now if someone on your team chooses not to answer that question, both of you will have to eat the disgusting food. Have we got it?” James explains how the game works.

(Y/n) looks at Harry and nods. “Team Styles Baby” Harry tells (y/n) who repeats its.

“Alright Harry, your turn first. I’m going to give you the Salmon Smoothie” James says as he’s spinning the table top around so the smoothie is sitting right in front of Harry.

“Here is your question. If you answer the question, you don’t have to eat. But if you refuse to answer you both have to eat it.”

“I actually quite like Smoothies so I’m not to sure if I’m more scared of the question” Harry explains as he moves forward in his seat and picks up the smoothie to give it a smell and he places his right hand on (y/n)’s thigh under the table.

“I’ve now seen the question and I think your more scared of the question.

Harry, who bought out a better Solo hit. Niall, Louis, Liam, or Zayn?” James asks.

“Oh my god this isn’t going to end well” Harry explains as he covers his face. “I’m not legally aloud to say, so I’m sorry babe” Harry sais laughing and picks up the smoothie and pass’s it to (y/n). “Oh babe, you drink these all the time” (y/n) groans.

(Y/n) and Harry both pick up the smoothie at the same time and take a big gulp. (Y/n) instantly regretting it and grabbing the bucket that’s kept next to her seat. All the while Harry is going back in for another gulp of the smoothie. “It isn’t that bad actually James” Harry sais casually and look at (Y/N) who has gotten a bit in her hair. “Aww babe you have some in your hair” Harry says laughing uncontrollably.

“He isn’t going to answer this, so let’s give him the uhm, scorpion babe cause he definitely won’t answer” Harry explains and (Y/N) happily agrees and turns the table so the scorpion is sitting in front of James.

“Okay the question is James. Who have you turned down for Carpool Karaoke?” (Y/N) asks.

James turns to Ewan and just smiles then looks at the scorpion and pick it up without saying a word and putting it straight in his mouth. Ewan follows and does the same thing.

“Ewan your question to (Y/N)” James explains

Ewan mumbles a yes and pick up the card reading it and then moving the table to the cow tongue is sitting In front of (Y/N). “I chose the Beef Tongue”

“(Y/N), has any of Harrys band mates walked in you and Harry being a little to happy” Ewan askes with a smile.

“Oh my gosh, this is so bad” (Y/N) explains and hides her face before turning to Harry and fakes picking up the tongue.

“Okay I’m gonna save us both here and say, yes they have plenty of time” (Y/N) says confidently shrugging her shoulders as Harry hides his face from embarrassment.

“Okay Harry what would you like to give Ewan to eat?”

“Okay because it’s had me curious since we started. I’m gonna have to pick the bird saliva sorry boys” Harry explains as he moves the table around.

“Okay here is the question. Ewan have you ever shit your pants ” Harry askes. And instantly starts laughing again.

“Well yeah what I was a child but never as an adult. I mean I have maybe farted and it followed through buts that’s it” Ewan explains while James and (Y/N) are laughing at the whole situation.

“Okay Harry it’s back to you again, and I’m going to give you some beef tongue again.” James sais.

“Okay Harry, you have dated your wife (Y/N) now for 4 years. What is the most annoying thing (Y/N) does to you” James askes

“(Y/N) already knows what I’m going to say and it’s. Nothing, every little thing amazes me with her. I thought I would have found something annoying by now. But nothing” Harry explains with a proud smile

“(Y/N) it’s now your turn to ask me a question and select me a food, so what do you choose” James asks.

“Well seeming as yous are so keen on the beef tongue I’m going to give you as taste of your own medicine” (Y/N) giggles to herself and moves the table around.

“The question is.

James who if your favourite member of One Direction” (Y/N) asks and looks at Harry who is waving at him self “obviously it’s me babe that’s why he let me stay here for the week”

“I’m sorry to hurt your felling Harry but Ewan let’s eat” James explains and takes a bit out of the tongue.

After washing down the tongue with ya glass of water James looks at the camera and sais.

“That was Fill Your Guts or Spill Your Guts, a special thanks to Mr and Mrs Styles, and Ewen McGregor good night everyone”

[larryfanfiction]

ABO 

Alpha Harry / Omega Louis

🌕 Where You Lay by HamPalpert (86k)

When Louis’s upcoming heat threatens his success at his new dream job, he asks the best (and only) person he can think of to help him through it: his best mates’ best mate, Harry Styles. Harry reluctantly accepts, and together the two navigate a strange friends with benefits relationship that quickly turns complicated.

🌕 Like Candy In My Veins by littlelouishiccups (31k)

“Um…” Harry said slowly after a moment. “Okay. That’s… this is… Let me get this straight.” He lifted up a hand and swallowed. “You told your family that you have a boyfriend… and my name was the first one you thought of?”

“Harry Potter was on TV, alright? It wasn’t that much of a stretch.” Louis pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t believe he was explaining himself to Harry fucking Styles. He couldn’t believe he was stooping this low. “Forget it. I’m sorry I even thought about bringing you into this.”

Harry snorted. “What? Did you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend or something?” (Basically the A/B/O, enemies to lovers, fake relationship, Christmas AU that nobody asked for.)

🌕 falling into you by stylinsoncity (143k)

In the grand scheme of adolescence and boyhood, Harry was still working himself out, so far with little luck. But four things he could say for certain: 1) he'd been at the top of his class all through primary and secondary school, 2) he was the shittiest alpha to ever walk the earth, 3) Liam Payne never let him forget it, and 4) he’d been in love with this boy, Louis Tomlinson, ever since he was fifteen years old.

🌕 i want you so much (but i hate your guts) by becauselarry (83k)

AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can't do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor's certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream.

That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn't seem to like him complicates matters, though.

🌕 Strawberries & Cigarettes by dimpled_halo (74k)

Harry looks up and immediately freezes. Next to Ms. Archie stands the boy from just the other day. The boy with the leather jacket and chipped black nails, that might or might not be sketched in the very book Harry has just placed on the table in front of him. The leather jacket is missing today, probably because they aren’t allowed as part of their required uniform attire, but Harry can still see the fading black nail polish on his nails, and eyeliner around his eyes. Harry’s mouth goes a little dry. This boy is so intriguing to him.

“Ye-yes, Ms. Archie?” Harry tries to play it cool, but he’s almost positive that his cheeks are burning red, and he’s relieved neither of them can tell how fast his heart is beating in his chest.

The boy seems to also recognize Harry, because his lips curve into a knowing smirk.

“Harry is at the top of his class. He’s your best bet at getting familiar with things around here.” She explains.

Louis nods, his smirk still very prominent on his face. “Thank you Ms. Archie. I’ll be sure to take advantage of young Harold here.”

*

Summary: Two stories, eleven years, and the two boys that never stopped loving each other.

🌕 Love is like this; not a heartbeat, but a moan by angelichl (13k)

"He hates this, more than anything in the world he hates this. His title, his rank, his DNA. Unchangeable. Fated.

And then there’s Harry, born to be unobjectively superior to Louis and all other O’s. Unlike other A’s, Harry doesn’t wear his alpha-ness very well. He’s clumsy with it, like walking around in a pair of shoes a size too big. His life is defined by uncertainty and tentativeness, and those are definitely not qualities alphas should have.

Sometimes, when Louis ponders it for too long, he thinks that maybe Harry resents being an A just as much as Louis resents being an O."

In which Harry loves Louis, but Louis has been cold to him ever since he presented as an omega at age fifteen. Eight years later, Louis approaches Harry with a request, and who is Harry to deny him?

🌕 Cold Little Heart by seducedbycurls (194k)

Louis is a soft omega with an abusive past and an alpha child A few months after getting a divorce, Louis meets Harry, an ex-military alpha wolf that offers him something -odd.

In exchange for teaching him how to cook, Harry will babysit his son, Abraham Louis really could use the help.

🌕 Symphony Hall Series by HelloAmHere @helloamhere  (137k)

“I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that’s the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

🌕 Pray for some Sweet Simplicity by delsicle (237k)

Louis is the only omega to ever make it in the cut-throat world of competitive motorcycle racing—that is, he would be if anyone actually knew about his identity. Now, his sights are set towards competing in—and winning—the European Grand Prix, the biggest and most difficult race of the entire year, so he can disappear underground for good. He’s close enough, too, until an alpha sports journalist is assigned to follow Louis’s every move as he prepares for the event of his career.

Or, an AU where motorcycle racing is the biggest sport in a heavily divided world, Louis is trying to take control of his own destiny, and Harry is in for more than he bargained for.

🌕 As Deep as the Sky by swallowsmateforlife (12k)

A passed-out omega on the bathroom floor isn’t exactly what Harry had in mind when he thought about taking a cute boy home. The idea of leaving Louis there, vulnerable and unresponsive, weighs guiltily at Harry’s conscience. Turns out it’s the best decision he’ll ever make.

🌕 You Burn With the Brightest Flame by sarcasticfluentry (34k)

Harry frowns, thinking that he shouldn’t have to be glad about what gender he is, just like omegas shouldn’t have to be scared and nervous that anyone they meet might want to hurt them. He wonders why none of this occurred to him before, how he possibly could’ve just sailed through life before this without realizing how fortunate he was being born a beta. That seems a bit too serious of a conversation for Simon Cowell’s waiting room, though, so Harry puts an arm around Louis’s shoulders and teases, “You say that like you’re old or something. Two years isn’t that big of a difference!”

“Tell me that when you’re eighteen and looking back on this conversation,” Louis says.

“Well that’s - that’s different, isn’t it? We could be anywhere in two years, we could be famous.

”Louis’s eyes light up, his smile widening. “You think so?”

…or, the X-Factor Era A/B/O fic.

🌕 Swim In The Smoke by whoknows (101k)

 “What about this, Captain?” Liam asks, nudging the boy kneeling between their feet with the toe of his boot. The boy hisses and swipes at him, slurring out something unintelligible around the makeshift gag Niall had to stuff in his mouth. He misses by a mile and tries again, just as ineffectively. Harry looks down at him, at the way the sun streams over his face and shoulders, at the way the gag stretches his mouth, lips pink and chapped. He’s lithe and pretty, smudged all over with dirt. They had found him tied up below deck, mostly unconscious, next to a barrel full of gold. He’s clearly a prisoner, but there’s something familiar about him, something that niggles at Harry’s brain. Something he can’t quite put his finger on. “Put him in my cabin,” Harry decides, turning back to deal with the rest of the loot. The boys screams out jumbled curse words at Harry’s back, muffled by the gag, and Harry can’t understand any of it.

🌕 With Love Comes Strange Currencies by mediaville (16k) 

One day One Direction will be over and Louis won’t be around Harry every waking moment. He’ll be able to finally get some space, let their bond dissipate as it’s bound to do, if they don’t mess up again. He can move to Costa Rica and forget that Harry Styles popped his first knot inside him. Until then, he’s going to have to deal with this. or, They’re Accidentally Mated and Dealing With It Rather Badly.

🌕 Mr. Tomlinson by iwillpaintasongforlou (4k)

Louis is a billionaire CEO who makes grown men cry and rival companies crumble. He’s also an omega. Harry is the quiet cupcake of a man he calls his alpha and the only one who gets to see Louis as anything less than fearsome.

🌕 If Anyone Knew by StarFar (50k)

Harry’s a young alpha who’s strangely gentle. Louis’ an omega who’s strangely protective. Being the only ones in the band who aren’t betas they automatically empathise with each other and decide that it’s their job to look after each other.

Or Harry and Louis through the early One Direction years in an a/b/o universe.

🌕 Settle Down With Me by ItsLivvvy (12k)

I have always loved him, Louis. I will always love him. From childhood till the day we part.

OR

When Louis and Harry slowly fall in love from childhood forward and build their dream together.

🌕 Cameras Flashing by juliusschmidt (81k)

With his breakout single platinum three times over and his second album still selling out in stores around the world, Louis Tomlinson has made it to the top. However, his position as Pop Heartthrob of the Decade is threatened by the edgier, more artistic Zayn, who happens to be releasing an album a week after Louis’ upcoming third. Louis needs something groundbreaking- scandalous, even- to push past him in the charts. Much to Louis’ dismay, his PR team calls in The Sexpert.

Consulting with PR firm Shady, Lane and Associates pays the bills so that Harry Styles can spend his down time doing what he really loves: poring over data. On weekends and late into the evenings, he researches gender, presentation, and sexual orientation, analysing the longitudinal study that is his father’s life’s work. That is, until his newest client, the popstar with the fascinating secret, drags him off his couch and frighteningly close to the spotlight.

As the album’s release date approaches, will Tomlinson and Styles be able to pull off the most risky PR scheme of the millennium and beat Zayn in sales or will the heat of their feelings for each other compromise everything?

🌕  Didn’t Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) by @allwaswell16 (15k)

These days Louis tends to steer clear of dating alphas. He’s dated too many knotheads in his time, and he’s ready to just focus on school and his friends and his pet monitor lizard, of course.

Too bad the alpha next door won’t take a hint and stop using the worst pick up lines of all time on him. He’s really got to stop laughing with him–and talking to him and walking to class with him and letting him bring him coffee and tea and gifts for his lizard and watching Netflix together and…

Alpha Louis / Omega Harry

🌕 Stars Will Align For Us by 2tiedships2 (15k)

"The serial monogamist is single," Niall said by way of introduction when he sat down across from Harry in the canteen.

Harry sipped his chocolate milk. "What are you going on about?"

"Your alpha dream boat," Niall said. "That tiny little footie player? I heard from Hannah that he's broken it off with his boyfriend so he’s single and ready to flamingle. Now's the time to make your move."

Harry sipped his chocolate milk harder to keep himself from replying.

Or the one where Harry is an omega at a loss of how to get past his pining and gain the attention of Louis...especially considering the alpha is always in a relationship.

🌕 But Please, Don't Bite by shyserious (122k)

"Melodic little jingle sounded from a bell hanging over the doorframe and warm indoor air curled heavily around his shivering body for the first time in months. Harry suddenly felt a sting in the corners of his eyes and had to force down a broken sob. Fuck, he was a mess. Such a mess. He had to focus."

🌕 wanna taste your heart, don't interfere by (orphan_account) (16k)

Harry still remembers how unsure he felt when he first told Louis, how self-conscious he was. Louis had been nothing but understanding and kind, though, reassuring him that nothing’s going to change between them, that they’re still best friends regardless of sex. Harry had been mostly relieved at that, because he really doesn’t want to lose Louis as a friend over this, but another part of him had been a bit sad because… well, because nothing changed between them. Or rather, there is change, but it’s completely one-sided as far as Harry can tell.

This change being him not getting enough of the way Louis smells. He just can’t help it, is the thing, unable to stop himself from trying to subtly press his nose against the fabric of Louis’ shirt by his shoulders. He still smells like faint cologne and sweat, which is enough to make Harry start feeling slightly dizzy.

(harry presents as an omega, louis is his alpha best friend, and there are hidden feelings that just get harder to control.)

🌕 lemon eyes by turnyourankle (50k)

It's not proper for omegas to mess around with alphas before finding their bondmate. But Harry doesn't give a damn what's proper and fully intends on getting as much experience as he can before even trying to find one. As far as he's concerned, the right alpha won't care, and he'll have some fun on the way.

And who better to start with than Louis Tomlinson, the alpha with the worst reputation on campus?

🌕 hard to confess by hereforlou (24k)

One, they only did it without a condom once (and a half) and not during his heat. Never during his heat. Two, he never once forgot to take his birth control (he’s almost sure). Three, his plan is to be married for a year before he even starts trying for a baby, and not only is he very, very single, him and Louis aren’t even sleeping together anymore. Which brings him to reason number four why this can’t be happening: Louis. Louis doesn’t want a baby with Harry. (Or, the one where Harry knows he messed up and Louis knows nothing.)

🌕 Drunk on Rose Water by brainwaves (9k)

It’s the first time in a few years that Harry has a strong desire to risk everything for something he loves.The last time, it was being a fashion model. This time, it’s Louis.

🌕 The Beast You’ve Made of Me by ashtarok/ orphan_account (4k)

The bell tinkled, and Harry froze as an overpowering scent, musky and thick, crisp and slightly sweet, yet utterly masculine, delightfully tickled his senses. Harry’s eyes slowly slid up to see the source of this wonderful scent, and his breath was taken away at the sex god before him, all muscled and compact and utterly screaming of Alpha. Icy blue eyes stared him down, set off by sharp cheekbones, a stubbled jaw that looked yummy enough to nibble on, and caramel hair, which was lazily gelled, a few pieces falling over his forehead. His skin was tan, his hands strong and steady, his biceps still clearly visible even through his jacket. Every fiber of Harry’s being stood at full alert. The one where Harry’s a vanilla-sweet Omega and Louis walks into his bakery one day.

🌕 The Bond That Can't Be Broken by louisgrindsonharry (10k)

Louis’ an alpha and Harry’s an omega. They never really stood a chance.

🌕 Between the Shadow and the Soul by MiniMangaFan/ orphan_account (6k)

“It’s just easier to stay in Donny and train, Haz,” Louis says quietly. “Two transatlantic flights in less than a week right before a big match is a terrible idea. We should have known that before, but...”

Harry nods. It’s reasonable. It’s totally, completely reasonable and Harry can support that. Another five or six days of not being able to hold Louis’ hand and kiss him sweetly is killing Harry, but he can handle it. “Okay, so that’s, what, the 20th that you’ll be coming over here?”

Louis hesitates, and Harry has to bite back a frustrated growl. “I’ve got writing sessions and time in the studio scheduled as of yesterday, plus I’m supposed to get papped clubbing in London again and just… it’s shit but there’s no time to make the trip until early May, at the least.”

Or, Harry and Louis spend a month apart.

🌕 Let’s Embrace The Point Of No Return by sweaterpawstyles (6k)

Louis was a whole new scale of beautiful, he was richer than Harry could've ever imagined, and he was the most powerful, dominant alpha that Harry had ever come in contact with. The only problem now is that Louis is also Harry's boss.

Louis believed Harry was an alpha, and had no idea about how he had lied about his status just to get an interview with Louis. He was in too deep now and he couldn't look back.

Or

Harry is an omega intern at an all alpha company. Louis is his boss. There's some complications.

🌕 All These Lights by MediaWhore (34k)

“People vote for alphas because they’re strong and they’re not only beautiful but also mesmerizing. They make you want to give them all of your attention, make you want to beg for some of theirs back. They’re shiny, oozing sex appeal and a commanding presence, and people always want more and more. Omegas are enticing too for sure, but it’s not the same. It makes people uncomfortable. It doesn’t make them want to root for you.”the canon fic where Harry is an omega and dreams come with a price.

🌕 resolutions and lovers in the kitchen by MarchieTheHare/orphan_account (10k)

Their dinner’s probably going cold, but this feels monumental. So instead of sitting them down on the table and talking about it face to face over chicken and pasta, Harry just puts his hands over Louis’ where they’re settled on his lower stomach, not letting the moment slip past them. He takes a deep breath, carefully arranging his thoughts. “She looks really lovely, Louis. Positively glowing. Her bump’s so big, and…” he trails off, breath hitching slightly when Louis lifts his hand higher, settling it right over Harry’s stomach, and that’s—

“And what, baby?” Louis asks, voice now dropped to a whisper, and Harry has to take a moment to collect his thoughts.

“She, um. She knows about you, of course, and she asked me when we’re—when we’re having a baby of our own.”

(harry teaches little kids and louis writes sports articles. they're trying for a baby.)

🌕 i’ll be hurt from the heat (running from the heat) by itiswhatitisbutterfly (11k)

It’s engrained into him, nothing else matters, protecting Harry at all costs is what pumps his heart and floods his veins. It’s just, he didn’t count on the one thing Harry would need protecting from would be himself.

(Harry and Louis are in love, and they are probably soul mates. They just can’t be bond mates because despite the undeniable pull, it’s them against the world.) 

Alpha Harry / Alpha Louis

🌕 No Easy Love (Could Make Me Feel This Way) by allwaswell16 (17k)

There’s never been anyone for Harry but Louis. He had always thought their love would last forever, despite society’s pressures on an alpha/alpha relationship. When Louis breaks up with him and moves to Chicago, he’s suddenly left behind to pick up the pieces of the life they once shared. Instead of moving on, he finds reasons to keep Louis in his life and in the process begins to piece together what went wrong.

Or an Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry au where they get a second chance to make things right with the love of their life.

🌕 Alpha Seeking Alpha by jaerie (3k)

Maybe it's taboo, but Louis can't stop thinking about a strong alpha holding him down and filling him with a knot. Louis may be alpha himself yet there's a corner of the internet where he can get what he wants. He finally has the courage to do it.

🌕 Cancel your reservations, no more hesitations by 14hrflight (22k)

Louis still has his eyes on the bill when he barges into Harry’s room without knocking because he doesn’t want to get evicted and the smell hits him first.

It’s overly sweet and unnatural, and his stomach drops because it smells like an omega. Louis eyes widen and he looks up and - Harry’s on his hands and knees, a half spilled bottle of synthetic omega slick next to him and a huge, knotted dildo pressing into his hole. Harry’s face is flushed and he looks fucked-out and -

“I’m sorry!” Louis squeaks out and quickly backtracks, face red, because he wasn’t supposed to see that and Harry’s an alpha but he - Louis isn’t going to judge him.

--

Louis is an alpha and so is Harry, but Louis helps him through his rut anyway.

🌕 swimming in a champagne sea by delsicle (16k)

Louis is a supermodel. Harry is a celebrity photographer known for capturing the brightest up and comers in their most candid moments. They meet at London’s most exclusive New Year’s Eve party.

An alpha/alpha fic filled with confusion, banter, Ubers, and glitter

Omega Harry / Omega Louis

🌕 A Firm Believer and a Warm Receiver by objectlesson (10k) @horsegirlharry

a few months ago, Louis had his first heat. It was no big deal, aside from it being awkward and weird and all the other things it was supposed to be. He figured he would present as an omega, so he wasn’t exactly surprised or anything.

But then, last week, Harry had his first heat, too.Or, the omega/omega sleepover fic no one asked for but y'all really, really need.

🌕 Even Your Honey Dew by objectlesson (9k)

It probably says something about Harry that he’s so obsessed with another omega’s arse.

[hollandroos]

The Price We Pay | Four

Summary: A one night stand was all it took for your entire life to change. You're shoved into unknown territory, agreeing to fake date the prince long enough for his parents and the media to get off of his back only there are a few issues... one of them being that you really can’t stand each other.

Series Masterlist

Words: 4.2K

Warnings: None!

Moodboard by @marvelousxtsh

-

“I thought I told you just to dress casually?” You taunt.

Tom steps out of the car– the passenger seat to be correct because after half an hour of back and forth you finally made him agree to drive, claiming it’d be a waste of time to get a driver. Though a part of you wondered when the last time he drove was and if it’d be safe.

But you were still alive, even after the painfully awkward drive between games of Ispy.

He shrugs, brown curls slicked around. “I wanted to make a good first impression.”

“Tom, sweatpants and a hoodie would have been fine. You could scare them off in that.”

His eyes widen, immediately going to stare down at his outfit– maybe it was a little over the top but truth be told he had no idea about your family and where they came from. He feared underdressing and hadn’t debated overdressing in the slightest.

“Fuck, really?”

You tug him forward by the front of his coat, pulling it off of his shoulders. Beneath was a white dress shirt tucked into his pants and you undid the top button, puffing out the collars. You throw the jacket into the front seat of the car and Tom grimaced at the way the material creased, buttons knocking against the dash.

“That’s a little better, you look good like this.” You felt a little proud and he smiles, glancing around for cameras but he finds none– in fact, he finds no one. Your childhood home really was in the middle of nowhere. “Just c’mon, and remember to relax, my family is nowhere as intense as yours.”

God, were you going to kill him–

He shoves the thoughts to the back of his brain. “S-should I hold your hand?”

“Yeah, we want to pull this off don’t we?”

He takes your hand into his own, intertwining your fingers together. The action was probably the closest you’d been since that night and it bought Tom a sense of comfort, reminding him that he wasn’t alone in this– so he began rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

“Oh yeah, by the way, I have four siblings.”

Maybe you should’ve told him soon– about Kenny who was only a year younger then you and Carley who was eighteen, then there was Louis and Marcus who were fifteen. But Tom never asked.

Four? Tom had none.

He stands startled. “What–”

“Y/N!” A shrill voice calls and you smile at the two twins that raced towards you, one with ponytails and the other a set of muddy shorts.

They were loud and extremely clingy. Personal space didn’t exist and showers were the enemy– even after a day of helping in the backyard.

You turn to Tom and give him a lopsided smile, small crinkles forming beneath your eyes. And rather sarcastically, you kneel. “Welcome to my life, your majesty.”

-

From there, Tom watched you interact with your four siblings, each of a different age except the twins with completely different personalities. You were right, they were loud and it came as a shock to him.

But he sort of liked it.

The prince was used to hundreds of hallways, the only noise being his own two feet padding against the marble ground as well as his men or the grandfather clocks singing a chorus every hour. Here, you had to speak up to be heard and shout across the table which at the palace would’ve been considered rude– here it was the only way to get your thoughts out.

Louis and Marcus had easily gravitated towards Tom and Carley had clearly tried to suck up the prince and he found it amusing. He allowed them to play around in the fairly expensive ride and even gave each of your siblings a box of chocolates as a ‘hey, I’m suddenly dating your sister please like me’ gift.

Kenny didn’t trust the man one bit.

But he watched you interact with each of the kids like they were your own and he briefly remembered you mentioning the hours you’d spend taking care of them when your mum was at work, making their favourite lunches and playing games to pass the hours.

It was a softer side he was pleased to see.

He watched you smile, corners of your lips turning upwards as they fill you in on everything you’d missed like Kenny moving jobs and their science project at school.

Tom had never had that, the comfort of another sibling. From an early age, he was in the classroom learning how to be a prince– the best kind of prince in fact. He wasn’t learning how to balance books on his head but laws at the age of nine. He had maids and cooks and teachers and busy parents that never ceased to forget about his existence.

But it doesn’t take him long of sitting around an overly crowded family table, much smaller then his own for him to realise that someone was missing.

“Where’s your mum?”

You leave the other kids to discuss whose turn it was to do dishes, ignoring your own stomach rumbling. “Right about now she’ll be at work but she’ll be back by dinner to meet my handsome boyfriend, she’s very excited.” You watch his face change. “Yes, Thomas, the people here do have to work long hours to get by.”

“I knew that! I did, I just thought they finished around three you know…” He feels a wave of awkwardness wash over him and fiddles with his fingers. “I don’t think your brother likes me very much.” He nods towards Kenny.

And of course, you being as uncaring as you turned straight to your younger brother. “Ken, what do you think of Tom?”

His face hardens. “I’m undecided.”

The comment makes Tom tense and if his heart wasn’t pounding before then it most definitely was now. He couldn’t put his finger on why he felt so nervous about this. If anything he must’ve been more nervous then you when you met his parents but he wasn’t sure because to this point in time, you’d done a beyond amazing at keeping your feelings hidden.

Tom felt like he’d barely peeled back one layer of many.

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.” You try, taking his hand into your own and giving it a squeeze once more. “The others love you.”

It was a small action but one that made Tom’s heart run miles.

“Tom!” Carley says, staring between the two of you. She interrupts your small– barely there but there nonetheless moment. “Did you know that you’re the first boy she’s bought home in… probably forever?”

Toms' eyes widen, finding your suddenly fearful gaze. “Really?”

“Okay that’s not true–” You tense, sending her a threatening glare. But your sister only shrugs, a teasing smile making way on her face. She knew what she was doing and you hated it.

“We all didn’t think this day would come but here it is.”

Your grit your teeth and unknowingly squeeze Toms hand a little harder. He notices. “This is why I didn’t fuckin–”

“Tell me more, I want to know all about Y/N.” Tom interrupts, feeling your grip loosen. “What was she like as a child? did she listen at school?”

-

After half an hour of hearing all about your interest without your consent, your siblings all decided to scatter. Some went off to play with friends, some went to their room to do homework and one of them was apparently working out.

You didn’t know when your sister got so productive.

You and Tom wondered around the property, introducing him to your long missed farm animals. You watched his face change to disgust as he stepped over manure and puddles, nearly laughing at the way he seemed nearly unsure of every single step.

Of course, there were animals at the castle but nothing like this.

He didn’t tend to go around to the pens but seeing the pigs at yours– leaning down to pet them and nearly being shoved back when they rammed into his legs was surprising but made him laugh nonetheless.

And the cows– he loved the cows. There were two of them, Betsy and Bucky and without hesitation he pets the both of them.

“Originally we were going to sell them to the slaughterhouse but we grew too attached, mostly me but the younger ones did too of course and we managed to convince mum to keep them. So now they’re like our pets.” You smile, running a hand over Betsy's back.

Bucky moos at Tom.

“They’re adorable.” He smiles, stepping in what was either mud or cow manure. Tom only screws his face up for a second but quickly gets over himself. He had promised to give this a try and he wasn’t regretting it yet. “Do you have chickens?”

“Lots of them. When we were kids it’d be a race to see who could get the eggs first.” You smile at the memory.

“And here I thought you were a towns girl but you’re really a country girl at heart.”

“And here I thought you were an asshole prince, I guess only one of us was right with our assumptions.” You smile cheekily.

The two of you continue to walk around the place slowly, making sure to take it everything from the surprisingly blue sky to the grass that flattened beneath your feet with every step and the smell– because the smell wasn’t the best but the amazement in his eyes was definitely worth something.

“We haven’t actually had a proper moment to talk.” He mutters, stuffing his hands into his pant pockets. “I mean there was that first night, we were drunk. Then we were rushed then my parents were involved.”

“Have we not?”

“Nope.” Tom shakes his head, the two of you continue to walk around the property. “I hope you know that I appreciate what you’re doing for me. Seriously– it means a lot. I know it probably wasn’t easy to give up work and going from being… you, to headlining the papers.”

“Work was easy to give up, my boss is an ass and it really wasn’t easy have those out there.” You laugh, shaking your head. “Are you going soft on me?”

“I’ve always been soft, you just push my limits.” Tom teases, taking his hands out of his pockets.

You snort. “I do?”

He ignores the moment his hand brushes against yours.

“You have attitude, you’re feisty, no one’s ever spoken to me the way you do before and it’s– it’s different.” He shrugs, voice reaching a new pitch.

“I’m just real, Tom. I’m not going to start kissing your feet or beg you to love me. You’re a man with a crown and that crown means barely anything to me.”

“You see me as a person.” He highlights.

“You are a person. A person that annoys me to an extent.”

You come across the mud puddles you used to push your siblings into when you were a kid.

“Why do I annoy you so much?”

You don’t have an answer to his question at that moment.

So you shove him.

You watch him hit the ground with a gentle thud, mud splattering up and staining the end of your pants but he looked worse.

“Are you fucking serious?” He hisses.

You cover your mouth, trying to prevent him from seeing the smile that took place and the giggles that threatened to spill. You didn’t even care about how threatening his words sounded.

He looked a right mess. Mud stained Toms pants and right up to his waist, hands planted in the mud were a sticky brown and the frown on his face only topped it off. Dirt clung to his coffee brown curls.

You didn’t even take a second to think about how expensive his clothes were before you threw him into the giant puddle of mud or how long it’d take to clean his outfit, you purely focused on the amusement you felt the moment he hit the mud and the look of pure shock and disgust on his face when he realised that he was now coated in the mess.

“This isn’t funny!” He snaps, screwing his nose up at the god awful smell. “Get me the hell out of here or I swear–”

Tom stops, cutting himself off as he sees you clutching your stomach, laughs slipping from your lips. He watches the way your eyes screw shut, strands of hair falling over your face as you lean forward to grip the post for support and you hurl over just enough to take hold of your lower stomach.

“You just– you look so funny right now. You got such a shock too oh my god.” The words came out between laughs and gasps for air, there was even a single tear.

Then he had an idea– one that he knew could either get him into trouble or extend the fun and of course, Tom wanted to extend the fun.

“Can you help me out?”

He sticks a muddy hand out and you wipe a stray tear away, still trying to get your breathing back as you clasp your hand in his. All you thought he was going to do was push himself up, not pull you in.

“Tom–”

Then you were in the mud too, landing right on top of him. Your hands sunk into the muck which was anything but warm, coating themselves in the dirt before a heavy gasp left your lips, spots of mud decorating your cheeks.

Your laughs stopped, mouth falling open and shut like a fish as you took in the sight of your clothes lathered in ick and it stunk– dear god it stunk but not even a second later you took a hand full of dirt and dropped it on Toms clothed chest, turning the white tee a deeper shade of brown. You shouldn’t have been surprised and if you were watching instead of laughing then you would’ve seen him pull you in.

Still, the thought doesn’t plague your mind for too long because seconds later your hands are back in the mud collecting another handful.

“You’ve started a war you won’t win.” He threatens, a smirk forming on his features. Dirt sits at the corner of his mouth.

“Try me, Holland.”

He dumped mud directly on top of your head, strands of hair now highlighted the same colour of the muck you were still sitting in, back coated too from rolling off of him. Instead of getting annoyed, your chest erupted in giggles.

You felt like a child again, throwing mud back and forth with your siblings when your parents weren’t watching and Tom felt like… he felt like a different person. Because the prince would never do something this dirty just for fun.

With mud slathered all over his hands, Tom places one hand on your cheek gently creating a handprint on your face. You were both covered in the stuff. Your clothing may as well be thrown out and your hair would need some serious care but the smile on both of your faces was enough for it to be worth it.

The sun beat down on the two of you as you continued to layer each other in mother nature's gift, screwing your noses up at the sight of each other but that didn’t stop you.

Tom felt his cheeks flush at the sight of you so carefree but doubted it was noticeable beneath the mud. He basked in your giggles, the way your eyes squeezed shut as you wiped any dirt away from your eyes. You were happy and so was he.

There was no camera flashing or expectations to be held. It was just the two of you like it had been the first night and Tom had to stop and realise- this was the girl he’d spent the night with, giggling over glasses of wine and cheap alcohol.

It was carefree, bittersweet.

Then you were sitting there, both winding down and panting, the odd laugh still slicing through the silence and neither of you could even think about what you’d be going back to tomorrow. The next news line or obstacle you’d have to overcome was forgotten.

“What do we do now?” You sigh, taking in the site of both you and Tom covered head to toe in mud. If your mother were home, she would have lost it with both of you. You’d both be in the corner.

You looked the same way you smelt.

Tom screws his nose up, trying not to laugh at the sight of you with mud prints on both cheeks. “We smell disgusting.”

“Come on, we’ll use the shower before my family gets home– and not together!” You offer, beginning to force yourself out of the muck, noticing how his face changed from suggestive to blunt.

He felt something new.

“Damn it,” Tom mutters under his breath, fighting to urge to pull you back in. He didn’t want to go too far. “It was worth a shot.”

“Keep trying, maybe one day you’ll get there.”

That newfound feeling was hope.

-

The shower was… difficult to say the least.

You had to stand and watch the clear water turn a sickly shade of brown as it hit the floor and ran down the drain, clumps of dirt and shreds of grass following closely behind. It made you grimace but lathering yourself in the coconut scented soap and finally feeling clean again was worth it.

You step out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped just above your breasts and hair down naturally wet after the shower.

Tom glances up once– only once, then he directed his gaze back down to the book he was reading. It was clearly one from your bookshelf and by the looks of things he looked pretty into it, or at least he was pretending to be.

Your bookshelf was full and he wondered if you’d ever actually read a single one of them or if they were just for display.

It wasn’t the book in hand that shocked you but the fact that he wasn’t staring you down, his eyes weren’t filled with a certain hunger and instead they were focused on the pages of the teen romance novel. He was showing basic respect and it shocked you.

“Aren’t going to look? I’m practically naked?” You taunt, reaching into one of your draws. The plush, white towel rides up your thighs.

He shakes his head, keeping his eyes on the pages. “I’m not that bad, you know?” Tom chuckles. His hair was still wet from his own shower, hanging over his forehead in unkempt curls, wet and a darker shade then normal.

“I had a hunch,” You shrug. “Just a little bit surprised is all.”

He wore your brother's clothes, simply a plain grey tee and jeans and you’d admit that you thought he looked better in actual colours but he also looked good in the more– normal, everyday clothing.

And actually seeing him fitting in with your family made your heart flutter, stomach twisting and churning.

It actually felt weird to see a boy in your childhood bedroom– a boy that was used to so much more then a shoebox-sized room and a single bed. He was probably shocked by the little amount of furniture because of course you didn’t have a three-person couch in the corner or your own fireplace for when it got really cold.

But he did fit in, you knew that much.

You duck into the bathroom to throw your clothes on and put your hair up in the towel to dry it off, not wanting to deal with pesky drops of water running down the back of your neck and walk back into your bedroom. He was still in the same place.

“My family should be back soon and we could get going if you want?” You offer, tugging the oversized shirt down your thighs.

Tom glances up, placing the book down beside him. “Why don’t we take your mother's offer and stay the night? I mean I can take the couch and we can just head back tomorrow. It’s what? Half five anyway and the ride back would easily take an hour.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

“Yeah, if you want to that is.”

You furrow your brows, silently pleased that he had put that offer on the table. You had missed your family and staying a night would do you good. Maybe it’d do Tom some good too.

“Okay, Romeo, we’ll stay here tonight and be on the road by eight tomorrow?”

“Eight sounds good.” He smiles innocently, legs folded on the bed crisscross and you notice a scarred line down one of his temples beneath the light, a little imperfection that you wouldn’t have normally noticed.

There were those few exterior imperfections that you’d picked up on like that scar and his eyebrow– the one that was a little wonky compared to the other and his height you’d picked up on. He seemed to want to be taller then he was.

But you didn’t have an issue with any of it.

Of course you had your own flaws too and even thinking about them made you want to duck cover and hide. But Tom was slowly picking up on them. He’d be lying if he said he minded.

That night Tom slept on the couch in the living room with a selection of sheets over the top of him and a woollen duvet. For someone who had never slept on a couch in his life, he slept like a baby and you? You spent a solid hour staring at the ceiling before finally drifting off.

Tom felt a sense of comfort, draped in not only the blankets but a sense of comfort. He didn’t worry that people were watching him– attempting to pry out a secret or expose him to the world and he slept soundly that night.

-

It was a seven am wake up.

The sun streamed through the thin blinds, pulling Tom from a rather deep sleep and quite literally, forcing him out of bed. He wouldn’t admit that he fell from the bed with a tumble, hitting the ground with a heavy thud.

He neatly folded the blankets given and straightened out the pillows, making the place look presentable and sat and waited for you to come in. He flicked through papers, tried out different seating positions tried to force him back to sleep before he heard the living room door open and stumbled up, turning to see you looking beyond tired– he feared to ask why.

You grumbled a good morning, hugging the fuzzy robe to your chest and trudged to the kitchen. Tom followed loosely behind much like a lost puppy.

“So, the plan today? We leave at around eight and you dropping me straight home? Because I’m tired and don’t feel like dressing up for your parents again– as fun as it was prancing around in a dress last time.” You laugh lightly, voice slightly raspy.

But Tom doesn’t mind it.

“Yeah I can drop you straight home, we can try and avoid the paps but there is something I need to ask.”

For some reason he felt nervous to ask, utterly unsure as to what your answer would be. Of course you’d only known each other for just over a week but the media had suspected around a month or more.

And as a royal things were expected to move fast.

Then your mother walks in.

“Morning you two.”

Your mum sounds as tired as ever, the bags under her eyes evident and hair thrown around messily– much like yours. She wasn’t cherry, never being a morning person but you knew that she was happy to have you back even if it was just for one night.

Tom tenses.

“Morning Ms. Y/L/N, how’d you sleep?” Tom wraps his arms around your waist as he asks the question, pulling your back flush against his chest making you too look like a real couple. You tensed at the sudden physical act of affection, nearly dropping the butter knife but don’t.

It wasn’t the question he wanted to ask but It was one that made him look respectful. You feel his lips ghosting across your temple and for a moment bask in his gentle touch.

“Not well, Marcus kept me up in the night again.” She sighs, “I did sleep a little better though knowing that my daughter was back under my roof.”

You smile, though deep down you felt bad about the lie that you were carrying out. “You know you can come and visit me anytime you need to get away? I’m sure Kenny wouldn’t mind looking after the younger ones for a night or two.”

You’d completely forgotten about Toms question.

“You know I couldn’t, sweetheart, not when you’re finally really starting to live. You have a boyfriend now! And a prince too, that’s incredible.”

You feel a pang of guilt, the product of lying to the women that raised you and only manage to smile awkwardly. So you turn to Tom, craning your neck.

“Oh hey, what did you want to ask me?” You divert attention from her recent comment, feeling a stomach ache coming on.

He blinks a few times, feeling your mums warm gaze on the pair of you. “There’s a gala… yeah, a gala next week and I was wondering if you’d like to come as my date–fake date of course!”

You smile and take hold of his clasped hands– it added to the act. “As long as Harrison does my outfit again then I’m game.”

A gala meant being out in public with Tom as his girlfriend.

Please remember to reblog or send me an ask telling me what you thought of this chapter!! One reblog goes a long way :-)

PART 5

Everything tags: @cosmetologynerd @holland-ish @smexylemony @thewiseandfree @zendayacolemen @dej-okay @hollandsletters @ive-got-some-lies-to-tell @liz-gayllen @marvelismylifffe @lovelyh0lland @tomhollandandmarvelsworld @woah-jess @southsidefandoms @justannothermonday @its-claire-louise @sophiatomlinson23 @mockingjaygirl1221 @joyfullyjenny @damnhisfaceisliketheskyatnight  @bride-of-loki-odinson @in-the-corner-coffee-please @futuremrsb-r-main @spideyyypeter @saturn-aka-six @c0prolalia @buckykinz @ashtonsbandannas @dennasaur @amyyleblanc1999 @fnosidam @randomfangirl1701@maybeandperhaps @acciorinn @marvel-language @micki-smiles @justmesadgirl @converseskyline @niall2017 @gavemylifetotomholland @tomuchmarvel @leslieandjensen @painted-soulss @practicallylivesonline @mischiefmanaged49 @its-the-unknownspidey @holyrose96 @for-my-mind @mlxbm @erindillon11 @captainbuckyy @shawnandhisroses @converseskyline @smitten0-0kitten @parkeroos @whileinparis @unicornio-vomita-mierdas @draqcnheartstrinq @rainyboo-posts @mikalaka @petxrpxrker @tony-starks-ego @thedaydreamingwriter @peter-quackson @kateelyse96 @lesbian-jesus-jr @wheresmyquill @elyshugh @hollanderheart @tomshufflepuff @marvelismylifffe @tomsh0lland @obsessed-fandoms @girl-in-the-chair @trashqueenbitch @dramatic-and-young @honey-honey-5644 @parkerluvs @chingonaconcha @captainbuckyy @jes-sica1 @tomsfireheart @Rainbow-marvel @spideysimpossiblegirl @spideys-gurl @thomasstanley-holland @mlxbm @ixchel-9275 @parkerssweb @peter-parkersbb @tom-hollands-eyelash @starlightfound @vldlvj  @paradoxparker @lustfulcry  @mlxbm @musiclover1263 @justatheatredork @peterparkerscamera @fandomnerdsarecool @thequeensardine @cutesy-angst @httplayer @mischiefmanaged49 @loca-lola @softboyparkerr @desir-ae @dangerousluv1 @t-hotland @laucontrerasv @peter-parkersbb @whatdafricklefrackle @thatblondebelgiangirl @fairydustparker @they-call-me-le @jamiemac26 @nephalem67 @underoos-tom @quaxon-holland @lovelyspidey @no-shxt-sherl @xlatinaaxx @starlightfound @mikexpeter @moonandstars-xo @httpmcrvel @evelyn120700 @fromheroestodust @hollandfieldblurbs @ghostlypandacolorpersona @spazclaiire @curlyhairedparker @josierosie @unicornio-vomita-mierdas @icondy @euphoricholland @desir-ae @lovelyspidey @thelazypangolin @ameeravioli @ramen-tically @mellifluous-tom @mrs-webslinger @krazykiara @scottyisthatyou

The price we pay: @ambiibambi24 @thiccholland01 @writingisamood @mountainsforwords @joyfullyje @sithskywalkers @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @ohmyquackson @nerfariousporpoises @httplayer @myhopeisinfinite @omfgitscindyy @hollandfieldblurbs @incandescentflor @mlxbm @thescarsweleave @justmesadgirl @dramatic-and-young @thescarsweleave @ramen-tically @a--smallgirlinabigworld @spacedoutsher @thiccholland01 @in-the-potterhead-know @marvelousxtsh @popluckbih @ctrlyouthmendes @vldlvj @peruvian-bae @heaveninholland @jld20047 @nikkipea @darlingtommy @everythingeverywherelistening @darlingtommy  @sebastianlover14 @lesbian-jesus-jr @thestoryofsj @sebastianlover14 @growingthornz @reblogsfics

[roaringpennies]

when are larries literally going to give up omg im sorry im ranting but why are you stanning someone who you think is a liar its making me so angry???? harrys life is not a fiction this is real if you dont like it then please unstan im literally begging you they have been literally been saying since 2012 they are going to come out like what the fuck why are you waiting on someone to come out thats so fucking gross LIKE WHATS THE POINT harry isnt fucking closeted get out of your fucking fantasies hes literally said himself he doesnt label himself yet they continue to label him by calling him gay like why cant you fucking respect him for once???? he said “we are all a little gay arent we” on his tour last year hes dated men in the past, one even came to his tour to watch him perform, louis said hes straight on multiple occasions hes been with eleanor for years he has a child... and has had other girlfriends in his teen years like WHAT THE FUCK im so tired of this shit what are yall gonna do when harry impregnates a girl? gets married? has a family? say its fake like you do to louis? some “fans” yall are... i dont even like louis but i feel sorry for his child hes grown up with a bunch of teens and some adults bullying him because of a non existent ship imagine what that would do to a child that young they’re fucking trash oh my god 

[eeveedel]

Hello, all! I’ve really been wanting to start doing formal fic recs for awhile, since they’re some of my favorite things to see on my dash, and I said that I would post some big fic rec masterposts once I hit 2k, which was a few weeks ago! So, here we are! I always get asked what my favorite A/B/O fics are, and since it’s one of my favorite tropes I thought it would be a great place to start. 

So, here are some of my favorite Harry/Louis A/B/O fics, organized into what I love most about them (with both alpha Harry and alpha Louis mixed in throughout all the categories). I hope you enjoy them and can find something new to read and love! 

A+ Worldbuilding

OmegaVision by jaerie (23k)

Tomlin Networks Presents: OmegaVision starring Louis Tomlinson! The world's first 24/7 reality channel available in over 150 countries worldwide following the life of the first male omega born in over a century. Follow Louis through his daily routine, the ups and downs of growing up or just leave him on for comfort. There are many reasons to tune in but, no matter what yours may be, there's always a part of Louis that is just like you!

Or a Truman Show au that nobody asked for where Louis is Truman and Harry just wants to be his mate

And the truth shall set you free (...maybe) by jaerie (17k)

Betism: A religion based on the belief that the beta gender has been chosen by God to protect and defend the purity and dignity of the human race by resisting and condemning the lustful ways and flawed biology of the alpha and omega

Harry is a Betist and Louis is an alpha who runs with a bad crowd. This is what happens when two worlds collide.

just my style by thoughtsickles (15k)

Harry is sick, and the only thing that might help him is the pheromones from his mate--problem is, he hasn't got a mate.

Louis' just been disowned, and taking part in a medical study where he has to cuddle with some strange alpha seems to be his only option for earning a bit of cash.

The hippies and Omega Rights campaigners are busy changing the world--but all Harry wants is a chance to live.

Cameras Flashing by juliusschmidt (81k)

With his breakout single platinum three times over and his second album still selling out in stores around the world, Louis Tomlinson has made it to the top. However, his position as Pop Heartthrob of the Decade is threatened by the edgier, more artistic Zayn, who happens to be releasing an album a week after Louis’ upcoming third. Louis needs something groundbreaking- scandalous, even- to push past him in the charts. Much to Louis’ dismay, his PR team calls in The Sexpert.

Consulting with PR firm Shady, Lane and Associates pays the bills so that Harry Styles can spend his down time doing what he really loves: poring over data. On weekends and late into the evenings, he researches gender, presentation, and sexual orientation, analysing the longitudinal study that is his father’s life’s work. That is, until his newest client, the popstar with the fascinating secret, drags him off his couch and frighteningly close to the spotlight.

As the album’s release date approaches, will Tomlinson and Styles be able to pull off the most risky PR scheme of the millennium and beat Zayn in sales or will the heat of their feelings for each other compromise everything?

Interesting (Non-Typical) Dynamics

lemon eyes turnyourankle (50k)

It's not proper for omegas to mess around with alphas before finding their bondmate. But Harry doesn't give a damn what's proper and fully intends on getting as much experience as he can before even trying to find one. As far as he's concerned, the right alpha won't care, and he'll have some fun on the way.

And who better to start with than Louis Tomlinson, the alpha with the worst reputation on campus?

cancel your reservations, no more hesitations by14hrflight (10k)

Louis is an alpha and so is Harry, but Louis helps him through his rut anyway.

Woke Up Feeling Knotty by jaerie (7k)

Beta Louis has a kink for knotting and the secret aesthetic porn blog he runs about it is more than proof. When he accidentally finds out his alpha best friend Harry is one of his biggest fans, he knows he has to come clean after everything that has already happened between them. Harry just might be willing to help him out anyway.

Heat/Rut

Ten Million Ways to Love Somebody by slashter (8k)

The one where Louis and Omega!Louis switch places and there's basically a lot of confusion and feelings and sex

A body wishes to be held and held by turnyourankle (9k)

Harry wants to return the favour after Louis helps him out with his heat.

Breathe into your well by turnyourankle (4k)

A rut bar. A place where omegas who are so inclined can link up with Alphas in rut. It's not a place Louis ever pictured himself visiting but in the hopes of having a memorable rut, it's where he finds himself tonight.

Give Me What I’m Begging For by zedi (5k)  

Omega Harry is a professor at a uni. Louis is his alpha mate, whose rut is coming up soon, so Harry has to take a week off from school to be with Louis. He tells his students it's a vacation but they all can tell the truth and tease him about it. Then Louis' rut comes and they both spend a week at home to fuck it out.

Super Hot (not Heat or Rut) 

mr. tomlinson by iwillpaintasongforlou (4k)

Louis is a billionaire CEO who makes grown men cry and rival companies crumble. He's also an omega. Harry is the quiet cupcake of a man he calls his alpha and the only one who gets to see Louis as anything less than fearsome.

Alpha Styles Quadruplets by LacyLou and ZiamsLarry (8k)

The fic where Louis gets fucked by the Styles Quadruplets.

Drunk on rose water by brainwaves (9k)

It’s the first time in a few years that Harry has a strong desire to risk everything for something he loves.

The last time, it was being a fashion model. This time, it’s Louis.

Angst

Forever, Uninterrupted by sparkk (8k)

Harry finds a mysterious picture in Louis' bag one night and drives himself crazy over it. It's definitely not what he thinks.

I Can’t Hear You by kikikryslee (9k)

Harry is self-conscious about his body because it's not the 'typical omega body' and Louis shows him why he loves that.

Enemies to Lovers

Like Candy in My Veins by littlelouishiccups (31k)

“Um…” Harry said slowly after a moment. “Okay. That’s… this is… Let me get this straight.” He lifted up a hand and swallowed. “You told your family that you have a boyfriend… and my name was the first one you thought of?”

“Harry Potter was on TV, alright? It wasn’t that much of a stretch.” Louis pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t believe he was explaining himself to Harry fucking Styles. He couldn’t believe he was stooping this low. “Forget it. I’m sorry I even thought about bringing you into this.”

Harry snorted. “What? Did you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend or something?” (Basically the A/B/O, enemies to lovers, fake relationship, Christmas AU that nobody asked for.)

Do You Like My Sweater? by kikikero (13k)

When Harry's alpha fraternity decides to host a Sadie Hawkins dance, outspoken omega Louis has a thing or two to say about it.

Fluff and Domesticity

The beast you made of me (4k) - orphaned  

Harry's a vanilla-sweet Omega and Louis walks into his bakery one day.

Won’t You Settle Down with Me? by louissass (2k)  

Louis is heavily pregnant and nesting

I found a love (darling just dive right in) by wonderlou (46k)

Louis, an omega with very little control. Harry, an alpha with a lot of emotion. Neither of them have any idea what do to with this little thing called love, but they'll be damned if they don't put up a good fight.

I will care for you by lululawrence (15k)

“Afton, I just don’t know what I’m going to do,” Harry whined. “I’m going to adopt her, but I have no idea how to take care of her when I’m here as much as I am and I can’t really afford to raise a child on fewer hours. My family can only help so much, but I’ve already been relying on them too much this past week.”

“Oh, Harry. Just get yourself a nanny.” Afton threw out the suggestion and Harry sat up. How had he not considered that?

“How much do you need to pay a nanny? If I cut some expenses, I might be able to handle that, if they lived in. Would they expect more of me, since I’m an unmated alpha? Like, they wouldn’t think I’m some dodgy alpha looking for a nanny to become a bondmate or anything, would they?”

“Shut up, Harry,” Afton demanded. If she wasn’t a beta, Harry almost felt like she might have put some alpha timbre into her voice with that line. Either way, he did shut up to listen to her as she continued. “Reach out to Louis. He’s our usual sitter and he’s lovely. He’s come on some hard times, too, so you could probably convince him to work for you for cheap, especially if you’re having him live with you too.”

[hilarymp]

PET SEMATARY (2019) REVIEW

SPOILER WARNING! This review contains spoilers for Pet Sematary (2019), Pet Sematary (1989) and the novel.

    I’ll admit straight out of the gate that I went into Pet Sematary (2019) with a negative attitude. For whatever reason (one that I am still struggling to comprehend) the studio decided not only to make a rather large divergence from the source material’s plot, but to also spoil this “twist” in the trailer and promotional material. That alone was enough to convince me that this remake/reboot/reimagining/whatever the fuck you want to call it probably wasn’t going to win me over. So let’s discuss that first and foremost.

    I am not at all opposed to film adaptations making changes. Case in point, 2017’s new IT. IT and it’s miniseries predecessor are among some of my favorite horror films of all time, despite the fact that they were not 100% faithful to the novel, especially the more recent installment. For me changes are totally fine as long as they a.) maintain the spirit, themes, and tone of the original story and b.) make the film more frightening.

    With those rules in mind the change prominently displayed in the trailer for 2019’s Pet Sematary, the fact the Creed’s eldest child Ellie is the one who is killed and brought back from the dead instead of toddler Gage, already failed at rule b. Don’t get me wrong, any reanimated evil corpse is going to be scary, but why on earth would you deny us an evil murderous baby just to give us yet another creepy little girl. The ‘creepy little girl’ trope in horror is so tired and overused it makes my head hurt. The Ring, Orphan, The Exorcist, Silent Hill, The Shining, Alice Sweet Alice, The Bad Seed, Let the Right One In, Hereditary, Sinister, I could go on and on and on. The use of the trope isn’t inherently terrible, but why would you go out of your way to use it when something less used and much scarier (a straight up homicidal TODDLER) is an option? The simplest and most likely reason, in my opinion, was for convenience. Is directing a 2 year old more difficult to direct than an 11 year old? Yes, of course, obviously. But it’s definitely possible, as Mary Lambert proved while directing Miko Hughes as Gage in 1989. (Honestly, to this day I can not believe the performance she got out of that little boy.) So to me the change is not only a disservice to the film, but also an indication that the filmmakers were unabashedly lazy.

    So now that you know why I had set myself up for disappointment to begin with, let’s break down what the film succeeded at and how it failed.

    Whatever problems I have with the film, at least I can say that I loved the cast. John Lithgow was extremely endearing and likable. His performance as Jud was a refreshingly grounded and heartfelt departure from Fred Gwynne’s high camp in ‘89. Jason Clarke was as engrossing as ever. I always enjoy Clarke’s performances, and he often brings extra depth to characters that would have otherwise fallen flat (Dr. Price in ‘Winchester’ being a prime example). And Jete Laurance was nothing short of incredible. You would never expect that this little girl could transform into something to sinister so effortlessly. Her performance in the first half of the film is filled with such sweet sincerity, that her turn into undead Ellie is all the more frightening. Not as frightening as being terrorized by a little ankle biting toddler, mind you, but enjoyable nonetheless. ESPECIALLY compared to Ellie in the 89 film. Do you remember her? My God, she was so annoying. 

    Speaking of annoying, Amy Seimetz as Rachel was the only weak link in the cast. Instead of being deeply troubled and complex as Stephen King wrote her, Seimetz’s Rachel is so one dimensional that by the third or fourth time we see her crying, I wasn’t just unmoved, I was borderline irritated. ‘The weepy mother’ role in horror films are never especially fulfilling, but in this instance Rachel was meant to be much more than that. And the cheapening of the Zelda subplot doesn’t help matters either. 

    To me Zelda, Rachel’s late sister who suffered from spinal meningitis, was hands down the scariest part of the book and original film, so I was extra disappointed here. I’m fully aware that the character of Zelda is extremely problematic and portraying her as a monster is ableist as fuck. (Let’s be real, 99% of all Stephen King’s works are problematic but if we pull on that thread we’ll be here all day.) But the in the new film she is completely under utilized. Her appearances have been shrunk down to generic Conjuring-like jumpscares. Like most horror movies these days, the film relies on quick cuts, loud bangs, and obnoxious music cues to startle us instead of showing us anything particularly alarming. There is one prolonged sequence of incredible suspense, as Louis slowly walks through his basement in search of his daughters reanimated corpse, that filled me with so much dread that I was finally genuinely scared. Alas, *sad trombone*, it was undercut with a cheap jumpscare just like all the rest.

    On top of uninspired jumpscares, the filmmaking as a whole was ‘meh’ at best, especially the production design. The houses nearly hidden among the picturesque dense woods are definitely more visually interesting than the ones presented to us in ‘89. It also makes the danger of the nearby highway much more palpable, with the road being both closer to the house and more believably prone to accidents, with the thick foliage hindering the drivers’ ability to see. And the ‘pet sematary’ itself is serviceable enough, not much different from what we’ve seen before. But once we are taken beyond the dead fall to the cursed burial ground, the scope of the film shrinks drastically, making everything feel cramped and cheap like a paper mache Haunted house, even with cheap smoke machine effects to match.

    There are a lot of loose ends in the film as well, though it’s hard to tell if they were caused by the script or the editing. For instance, when Jud is explaining the burial ground to Louis, he mentions the wendigo that is suspected to be the source of the land’s power. But… that’s all he says about it. He doesn’t explain what a Wendigo is, what it does, or why it does it. If you’ve never read the book, or have never heard of a wendigo before, the word means nothing. Why bring up the Wendigo at all if you’re not even going to tie it into the lore properly. They could just have easily just said ‘cursed Indian burial ground’ (it in and of itself a tired trope, but still) and we would have just went with it. Another example is when undead Ellie is terrorizing Jud, she turns herself into Jud’s dead wife, and mentions that says something along the lines of “Your wife is “n hell for what you did to her before she died”. What? What the hell did he do? Why the fuck would you even put that out there with zero follow up?!

    Oh and let’s talk about Pascow. His role in the film is minimized so much, they might as well have left him out entirely. If I’m remembering correctly, late in the novel Pascow appears to Rachel urging her to come home. In the first film he appears to Rachel instead, who tells Rachel they need to come home. But in this film he appears to Gage. A toddler. Who can barely speak. Now as disturbing of a notion it is to have a very small child being haunted by such a gruesome image (and you all know how much I love disturbing shit), it’s also kind of pointless and dumb. If Pascow wanted to get Rachel to come home, why would he appear to Gage who, again, can’t talk, instead of just appearing to Rachel? One could argue that Gage’s crying and saying the name Pascow freaks Rachel out so much that it makes her want to go back, but you could just as easily say she left to get away from her memories of Zelda in her parents house, or the fact that Louis wouldn’t answer his goddamn phone

    We’re also missing out on some crucial motivations to explain Louis’ terrible decision making. No scene of Louis and the grandfather fighting at the funeral, no Louis being blamed for his child’s death, no knocking over of the casket. I might be biased since, for me, that sequence is one of the most upsetting moments of the 89 film. But on top of a missed opportunity to shock, it also takes away the debilitating guilt that motivates Louis to resurrect his child, despite knowing it won’t go well. The guilt is still vaguely implicit, but sometimes horror films need to explicitly illustrate cause and effect, if for no other reason than to keep the audience from screaming “Why the fuck would you do that!?” at the screen for 2 hours.

    Speaking of motivations, what are Ellie’s? What even is Ellie for that matter? The film can’t seem to make up its mind. Undead Ellie has Ellie’s memories, remembers how she died, and holds grudges against her parents for both her death and her resurrection. So there must be some part of the real Ellie in there, right? But when Rachel says “You’re not my daughter” undead Ellie agrees with her! So if it’s not really Ellie why does she keep trying to guilt and punish her parents? If she’s just an evil demon or spirit possessing Ellie’s corpse, you’d think it’d be glad that Louis was stupid enough to bury her up there. Free meat suit, hurray! The spirit clearly wants more bodies buried up there, seeing as it takes out the entire family just to bring them back like she was. Surely she just wanted to kill them all for funsies, right? Who the fuck knows. The screenwriter sure doesn’t appear to.

    Another super obnoxious thing about this film is it’s cheap fake-outs. It’s one thing to change iconic moments from the first adaptation, but constantly calling attention to it is another. Like the ominous close ups of Jud’s heel and him kicking the bed before Ellie gets him on the stairs. Yeah we get it. ‘The old movie had Gage under the bed, but watch out, we’re mixing stuff up in this one!’ Yup. Got it. Thanks for the reminder. Or the whole ‘Gage almost being hit by the truck’ fake out before Ellie is actually hit. This one is especially stupid since you already fucking showed us in the trailer that Gage isn’t going to die. Why even try to fake us out like that when we already know you’ve changed that too? You have successfully irritated and underwhelmed me, movie, no reason to draw more attention to it.

Here’s a quick list of some other petty little things that bugged me. These aren’t even necessarily the movie’s fault, some just come from the book itself.

If Rachel is so traumatized and adverse to talking about death, why the fuck did she marry an ER doctor?

You expect me to believe that Louis, pragmatic Louis who doesn’t even believe in an afterlife, would just follow Jud over the deadfall, through the woods, across a swamp and up a bunch of mysterious stone stairs, with zero explanation? No questions asked? I’d be asking “What the fuck are we doing?” about every couple of yards.

Why in god’s name would Rachel’s parents not only still live in the house where their daughter suffered and died, but also KEEP THE DUMB WAITER SHE DIED IN?

Why don’t movies ever address the fact that when you’re buried your eyes and lips are sewn or glued shut beforehand? And the scene where Louis is bathing Ellie and he sees the staples in her head and is all freaked out - wouldn’t she have huge fucking staples all across her chest and down her abdomen from the funeral home too??

    Despite my complaints, Pet Sematary isn’t completely devoid of entertainment value, not by a long shot. It’s not bad, it just could have been so so much better. Pet Sematary is riddled with missed opportunities,  and if you‘re an overly analytical jaded horror fan with a devotion to Stephen King like I am, they are much more obvious. I’m not mad, Pet Sematary, I’m just disappointed. To quote Tyra Banks, we were rooting for you, we were all rooting for you! You had so much potential, you just dropped the ball. Just like losing a loved one, there’s a mourning period that must be observed. Time to cope with the loss of what could have been. But rest assured, by the time you come out on blu-ray, I’ll be ready to try again.

[yoongs-yoongi]

Let’s Pretend: Two

Yoongi X Reader

Contains: Slight Angst, Comedy, Eventual Smut

Warnings: Implied Parental Bullying, Bullying

Word Count: 2,817

A/N: The next few chapters will be longer, I promise. I only wanted to establish a few things before getting down to the nitty-gritty. Enjoy

|One| Two |Three|

“Impressive old man, you still have some juice left in you.” Cordell laughed wiping the sweat from his face. We’ve just finished a great morning run and we’re walking back to the house as our cool down. I usually run with Namjoon, but he had other plans this morning. So I asked Cordell if he would mind accompany me. He said he wouldn’t mind at all. There was an old walking trail behind the house that I run every morning. It starts at our big Oak Tree and continues on all over the property. I teased him the whole walk to the tree about how I’d go easy on. The second we got to our starting mark Cordell left me in his dust. “I haven’t run that much since my high school track team.” He threw his towel over his shoulder.

“You ran?”

“Did I? I was the MVP on my team. Cordell “Road Runner” Louis was what they use to call me.” “Wow. Maybe you can give me some of your tips?” I asked. He opened the back door for me. “I would be delighted to. First Tip, breathe through your nose. You wind yourself faster breathing through your mouth and end up look like a panting dog.” I laughed walking through the door. “That explains a lo-mom? What are you doing home?” My mother heads eyes widened at the sight of me. “Button, what are you doing home? I thought you had class this morning?” She was sitting at the kitchen table with three other women be around her. A tea kettle whistle on the stove. “I’ll get that for you madam.” Cordell ran over to it. “It’s Thursday, no class remember.” “Oh yes, right. I still thought you’d be there studying.” I rolled my eyes, “I was going after my run with Cordell.” “I’m sorry, what’s his name?” Mom raised her eyebrow at me. “Cordell.” I defied her. “It’s Louis, madam.” He came over to the table to pour them all a cup of tea. “I am your butler and you will address me as such.” He repeated the stupid rule to me she made him enforce when she couldn’t get me to call him by his last name herself. I didn’t follow it then and I will not follow it now. “No your name is Cordell, and you’re more to me than my butler. You're my friend.” He shook his head at me for not to press. The three women snickered. “Tara you actually allow your daughter to be friends with the help?” Cordell paused for a second at the hurtful remark against him and then continued to service them. “The smelly help at that.” Another covered her nose. Cordell sat the kettle down, “I apologize madams. I shall freshen up at once.” “No, please rest. You just finished running.” A unison of scoffs sounded from all of them but my mother. Her mouth remained closed in a twisted snare. “He will not. Cordell, go up to your room and bathe. I will not have you dripping your sweat on my guest.” “Yes ma’am, excuse me, ladies.” Cordell faced me, “Madam.” He took off, “Cordell wait!” I ran off behind him. “Honestly, Tara,” the only lady that hadn’t said anything spoke up. “If this is how your daughter is going to act I don’t think I want her marrying my Markus.”

My feet stopped involuntarily, I almost fell. I snatched my head back toward my mother and her bitchy friends. “Excuse me? What did she just say?” “Button...” “Don’t Button me.” I spat. “What did she just say?” I walked slowly back over to them. The lady faced me with her expressionless face from Botox. “I said If this is how you behave, you know being friends with the unimportant and caring for their feelings,” she waves in the direction Cordell just went in, “then  I don’t want you marrying my son.” I couldn’t process her words, how’d we get here? Did I miss something? “Your son? Mom, what is she talking about? Who is your son?” I looked back and forth between the two.  My brain was running a million miles. The lady turned to my mother, “You haven’t told her? Come now, Tara.” “I wanted them to meet before telling her everything, Karen.” Mom glared at the Karen lady. “What a more perfect time than now.” Karen smiled at me. “Tell me what?” Mom sighed, “Come next November, you will be Mrs. Markus Tuan.”

My door swung open at Yoongi’s necessary force. A good thing too, I was out of it for so long I almost burned off a piece of the motherboard I was soldering. I work part-time as the other half of a two-person cleaning crew at a private medical facility. The times I’m not working there I’m working right from home fixing people’s laptops and phones.

“Can’t you knock?” I scoffed. Yoongi stared at me with a straight face. “Don’t even,” he closed the door behind him. “Are we going to talk about this?” He asked. “No cause there’s nothing to talk about it,” I said, screwing in the motherboard. No harm came to it. “Let’s not turn this into some episode of Full House where something is bothering one of the characters and they lie by saying, “there’s nothing to talk about,” when we all know there is. I, your best friend, just found out your dead mother is actually alive, seems like something to talk about to me.” “Where’s everyone? It sounds pretty quiet in here.” “I made them leave so we could talk.” “Did Kookie and Tae eat all the meat?” “I don’t know. Why is that important right now?” I placed one of my customer’s laptops back on the shelf with the other finished ones. I grabbed my dinner plate off the dresser next to it. I came back to my room to finish my dinner after the whole incident in the kitchen. Once I was done eating I finished up a repair I got in yesterday. “I want more, Jungkook was right that meat really was good. I should cook it like that more often, huh?” I walked out of my room. Yoongi was so hot on my tail I just knew at any moment he’d step on my heel. Luckily he didn’t. I took the lid off the pot, “It’s about gone! Those pigs. I knew I should have put some up.” “Y/N forget about the meat and talk to me!” I turned my back grabbing a spoon to scoop what little was left in the pan. Yoongi got so fed up he pushed the pan off its island and onto the floor. “Fine, you don’t want to talk to me? Don’t! Enjoy your precious meat!” I will. He’s insane if he thinks I won’t pick this food off the floor and still eat it. Yoongi was so mad at me he didn't speak to me for the rest of the night, he didn’t even stick his head in my room to say goodnight like he usually does before going back to bed.

The next day I guess he had a change of heart. I was picking my little sister, Micah, up from dance practice like I do every Tuesday and I got a text from Yoongi. I was in the waiting room with the other parents when my phone tinged.

 [ Rosemary’s Baby] I get it Y/N. Obviously discussing your mother is a touchy subject and you aren’t ready to talk about her. I get it. So please take all the time you need.

 [Me] Thanks

 [Rosemary’s Baby] No Problem

 [ Rosemary’s Baby] All I’m saying is things like this take time, so take all the time you need. I’m here for you when you’re ready to talk.

 [Me]Nice to know.

 [ Rosemary’s Baby] Fuck this nice shit!

 [Rosemary’s Baby] Tell me what the fuck is going on you bag of dicks

 [Me] I like nice Yoongi better

 [ Rosemary’s Baby] He’s dead

 [Me] How sad. He was so young.

 [Rosemary’s Baby] : Y/n!!!!

 [Me]: Can we have tacos for dinner tonight?

He didn’t text back. Good, I didn’t have time for Yoongi right now. I needed to speak with the person I knew was responsible for causing all of this. My father. I arrived at my dad’s place to find him cutting the grass one last time before all of it completely died for the fall. Daddy!” Micah screamed as she jumped out of my car. “Hey, angel!” He turned the lawn mower off and scooped her up in his arms. I chuckled walking up the driveway, carrying Micah’s book a lunch bag. “Daddy look my tooth fell out today?” Micah opened her mouth to show her missing baby tooth at the bottom. “Look at that. You know what that means right?” “Yeah, I get my big girl teeth!” “And it means you get a visit from the tooth fairy tonight!” Dad exclaimed. “Really?” She jumped around in his arms. “Yup, and he’s going to bring you lots of money! But only if you put your tooth under your pillow, where is it?” “Right here,” I said, going through her book bag.  I felt around for the giant fake tooth, “Here you go.” I handed to her. “Thank you Y/N!” Micah motioned for me to get down. I got down on my knee so I was about her height. She gave me a small peck on my cheek before prancing off into the house. Dad came over and gave me a kiss on the head, we exchanged quiet heys. “She’s extra hype today. You didn’t by chance take her for ice cream after dance practice did you, I mean it would explain why you two are an hour late.” He sat down on the porch steps. I took the spot beside him. “I might have.” He hung his head low, “Noooo. She’ll be bouncing off the walls for hours.”

“Consider it your punishment.” “Punishment for what?” He drank from his water bottle. “I got a letter from mom and I know you had something to do with it, please don’t  deny it.” A small part of me hoped he would. “I’m not gonna deny it.”He took another swig. I put my head in between my legs, groaning.

“Look I know you're upset-“ “Upset? We’re way past upset, I’m livid! When did you regain contact with her?” “We never lost it Y/N.” He sighed. “What!” I jumped up. He stood up and grabbed the lawn mower. I walked beside him as he pushed it back to the shed. “We have a child together Y/N, I can’t completely cut her out of my life. Like you.”

I gawked at him, I’ve never thought to swear or called my dad out of his name but today might be the day. “Well, I guess I didn’t really remove her from my life entirely since you’ve been communicating with her all these years then, huh? And really, you have a child together? Dad please, I’m an adult over the age of 18.  You and mom- “Are still your parents at the end of the day no matter your age. I wouldn’t be setting the best example for you if I completely cut your mother out of my life.” He slightly struggled to get the lawn mower up the steep ramp he built. I held the shed door wider for him to ease his struggle although it would be tempting to slam it shut. I’m very angry with him. I’ve never been this mad with my dad in my entire life. “That woman cares for no one's well being but her own, if she cared so much about me she wouldn’t have made my life growing up a living hell. She wouldn’t have to try to marry me off to some stranger or she wouldn’t have bribed a judge to get full custody me. You remember? You got one lousy hour with me, and that was still too much for her.” “I remember Y/N.” He said voice strained as he pushed the power tool. “Then why would you tell her where I am? Why give her what she wants, knowing she wouldn’t do it for you?  He finally got the lawnmower to go in. He grabbed the door from me and closed it. “She’s always known where you’ve been Y/N. Your mother called me an hour after you arrived at our old house back in (whatever your hometown is). Before she asked about you she gave a dry congratulations on me marrying your step-mother earlier that week. Her exact words were, “Congrats, I hope you’ve grown up to be a real man and treat her better than you treated me.” I asked her what she wanted, she asked were you with me. I said yes.” I sighed heavily turning my head the other way. “I denied her request “ he grabbed my cheek to make me look at him, “for me to bring you back. She snuck some snarky comment in about me being too busy trying to start a new family and said she’d have your butler come and get you. At that point I completely lost it, I told her to get over herself and not to contact you or me unless it was important. Baby, I am not communicating with your mother like that. She has my number an I have hers, it’s only in case something happens and something did. Your mother is really sick.” “...With what?” “I can’t tell you, she wants to be the one who tells you. Make sure you overpack, you never know how long you might have to stay. “What you're making me go?” He shook his head, “No you’re an adult, I can’t make you do anything you don’t wanna do. What I can do is expect you to make the right decision.” Dad patted my shoulder and walked past me.

“Daddddddd,” I stomped.

A car door slammed shut, I turned to see Laurie getting out the car with bags of takeout in her hand. “What are you doing home so early? I thought you wouldn’t be home for hours?” Dad went over to take some of the food from her. “Everything went faster than we expected so our boss let us our early.” She gave my dad a kiss.

“Great, cause Micah is on a sugar high.” Dad nodded at me. I smacked his arm, “She’ll crash soon. It was only a small chocolate cone. Hey Laurie.” I embraced her into a hug.

“Hi, baby! Are you staying for dinner?”

“No, I just came to drop Micah off and to speak with dad.” She made an ‘O’ face, “You told her about her mom?” “No, she got the letter,” Dad said.

“Time out, Laurie you knew?” She cheekily smiled, “Guilty. I’m sorry love.” I couldn’t be mad at her, it wasn’t her place to say anything. “It’s okay. I understand. Well, I’ll talk to you guys later.” “Wait, don’t forget your food.” She handed me a bag with two big crates of food. “I got Yoongi one too. Lamb skewers right?” “Yup. Hopefully, he eats it.” “That boy is going fade away into nothing, let me guess he’s too tired to eat?” She placed her hand on her hip. “That and he’s sorta kinda mad at me. He might not take any food I give him just to get back at me.” “Why is he’s mad at you?” Dad asked. “Long story, tell you about it later. I gotta go, but thank you and see you guys later. Tell Micah I want half of her money from the tooth fairy!” Laurie screamed about Micah losing her tooth before excitedly running into the house, shoving all her bags dad’s way. I laughed before driving off. The lights were on when I got home. Yoongi must be home. My assumption was correct, the sound of his keyboard could be heard faintly through his bedroom door. I laid the food down on the counter and made my way to his room. I didn’t bother knocking, I just walked in to find Yoongi hunched up at his desk. He turned to me startled. “Jesus Y/N- “My mom is a dictator in a skirt. She has to control everything and everyone around her. If you tried to go up against her she’d do everything in her power to destroy you. Which is why my dad divorced her, he couldn’t handle her intense personality anymore. When my mother no longer had my dad under her thumb she pinned me down and focused all her time and energy into to me, making sure I was the perfect child. Not for me or my future but so my dad knew that she was responsible for my success, not him. She wanted him to see we didn’t need him, especially me because I had her. To make sure I only had her she filed for full custody and won, I was no longer in hell. I was under it-

“What are you doing?” He interrupted.

“Telling you about my mother and my life with her like you wanted,” I said.

“No you’re not, you’re summarizing about your mother and your life with her. That’s not how this works Y/N and you know it.” He chuckled. “I want the entire story from start to finish and I want the long version.” Yoongi got up from his desk and walked over to his bed and laid down. He patted the spot beside him. This is going to be a long night.

[hollyoaksloversx]

Let’s Go Round Again...

Rounding up a week in Hollyoaks (5th-9th November 2018)

It’s funny how opinions can change so quickly. When the ‘Women Against Glenn’, or the ‘WAGS’ as they’ve come to be known, first teamed up, I really enjoyed their scenes. I was fed up of Glenn and his gang, but I loved watching all of the women who he’d wronged team up to take revenge on him. After many failed attempts, they were finally successful but still the story goes on, only now they’ve replaced Glenn with Liam, who is an even worse character than his Father (how is that even possible?!) This week saw Maxine sent into a panic as Liam continued to demand information on Kim’s whereabouts and when Maxine refused to comply, he threatened Minnie. However, Maxine soon realised that there was a way to save her own skin; give Liam the names of the other WAGS and leave herself out of it. After all, as she would later confess to the rest of the group, she hadn’t actually used her vial of poison, and therefore, was not responsible at all...

Needing a way to keep Maxine quiet, Grace arranged a video call with Kim and recorded her naming Maxine as an accomplice. It seemed to do the trick and Maxine agreed to keep quiet. Although Liam was infuriated that Maxine was refusing to play ball, one of his contacts came good, and informed him that the forensics in his Dad’s murder had been wrong, and the finger prints on the vial did not belong to Kim. Still believing the WAGS to be responsible, Liam turned his attentions to Courtney and used baby Iona to get information from her. In a bizarre turn of events, social services handed over care of Iona to Liam, and Liam told Courtney that he would sign the baby over to her if she told him who had murdered his Father. Courtney gave the situation serious consideration and eventually gave Liam Simone’s name, reasoning that she was the only one of the group that did not have a young child. Knowing the danger she’d put Simone in, Courtney went straight to Roxy...

At The Dog, Simone was taking part in a press conference, hoping to save her political career following a sex tape of her and Glenn being leaked to the press, completely oblivious to the danger she was in. As the conference wrapped up, Liam approached Simone and dragged her to the car park before bundling her into his car. Just then, Roxy and Courtney arrived on the scene and Liam was arrested for kidnap. Not only that, but Roxy planted a vial in the boot of Liam’s car, and he was soon in the firing line for Glenn’s murder. However, the following day, Roxy visited the WAGS and informed them that they sadly did not have enough evidence to charge Liam with Glenn’s murder and he would likely be released that night. It was Zack who would come up with a solution when he offered to act as a witness and lie to the police about seeing Liam poison Glenn. Simone was completely against the idea but when Roxy pointed out that it was their best hope, she reluctantly agreed. It seemed to work, and Liam was charged with murder...

Meanwhile, Darren found himself in a right old mess when he shared a kiss with Nancy and then returned home to the news that Mandy was pregnant! As Darren began to process this bombshell, Nancy insisted that he had to be honest with Mandy about their kiss, and told him that if he didn’t tell her, she would. However, Darren soon found a way to discredit Nancy when he discovered that she’d faked last week’s MS attack and so Mandy refused to believe Nancy’s claims when she stuck to her word and told her about the kiss. A bitter argument broke out between the trio, resulting in Darren accidentally pushing Nancy to the ground. Although Darren was immediately apologetic, Nancy reacted by taking out an injunction against him, banning him from coming anywhere near her and the boys.  

Desperate to spend some time with the kids, Darren took them out of school without Nancy’s knowledge. Whilst Oscar was pleased to see Darren, the same couldn’t be said for Charlie, who was furious with him for pushing Nancy. Charlie got particularly angry when Darren pointed out that Nancy wasn’t entirely blameless, and told Darren that his cheating was the cause of the whole mess in the first place. When Nancy arrived to collect the kids, another argument broke out between the pair and Darren announced that he planned to fight Nancy for custody! Good luck with that one, Darren! 

Elsewhere, Sinead was well and truly settling back into life in Hollyoaks but Tony was growing tired of her using all the hot water, making comments about his pores and having to wade through her underwear to get to the kitchen. With Dee Dee about to be discharged from hospital, Tony told Diane that something would have to change. As Diane gently asked Sinead how long she was planning on staying, Ste was pushing her for information on Hannah’s whereabouts and Sinead realised she couldn’t carry on lying. Announcing that Hannah would be coming home that day, Sinead snuck off before anyone could offer to come with her and badgered Sami into giving her a lift. Poor Sami had no idea what he was getting himself into and he became even more worried when it became clear that Sinead had snatched her daughter. Back in the village, Ste was delighted to see Hannah again but Sinead’s life away from Hollyoaks soon caught up with her, when her husband, Laurie, arrived and demanded to know why she had taken Hannah. However, it seems that Sinead’s not the only one who’s been keeping secrets, as Sinead confronted Laurie over an affair he’d supposedly had and Laurie was later seen asking Sami for legal advice over an accusation made against him...

In other news this week, Louis’ two worlds almost collided when Martine sent him flowers addressed to her ‘yogi bear’. Leela found the flowers on the doorstep and assumed they were condolences for Tegan, whilst Louis was able to rip up the card before it was seen. Harley’s poor attendance caught up with her when Sally informed her that she was failing the year and finally, Peri was delighted when Tom allowed her to spend some time with Steph. 

Star of the Week:

I loved seeing Charlie call Darren out on his wrongdoings this week. He’s absolutely right. Nancy may not have behaved perfectly these last few weeks, but it’s Darren’s cheating that created the mess in the first place. Charlie Behan, who plays Charlie, is a great little actor and I hope Hollyoaks give him more to do in the future. 

5 Things We Learned This Week:

1. Social services will hand over a child to anyone these days. Iona is nearly a year old and Liam has had no involvement in her life so far. The charges against Courtney have now been dropped, so why have social services decided that the best place for Iona is with Liam? Is he even on her birth certificate?

2.  Sinead wants to become a nurse. Even though it’s child nursing she wants to specialise in, it will surely only be a matter of time before she’s treating everyone, young and old. 

3. Where does a recovering alcoholic hold a press conference? In a pub, of course! I do like a bit of alcohol related irony. Like former Hollyoaks resident Mel Burton finally getting her alcoholism under control only to die in the pub during a fire. 

4. Hollyoaks like to get their money’s worth out a script. You can just imagine the conversations at Lime Pictures as this weeks scripts were written; “Just replace Glenn with Liam and hope that the audience don’t notice they saw these scenes just a month ago”. 

5. Tom’s got a very short memory. “Peri’s allowed to be a teenager but I’m not allowed”, he told Breda as he pointed out that he was the one who had been there for Steph for the last three years. So it wasn’t you, Tom, who flew off to Ibiza for a holiday without your baby? It wasn’t you who swanned off to London for the whole Summer a couple of years back? It isn’t you who only just seems to have remembered his daughter’s existence?

Characters Featured:

Anthony, Breda, Charlie, Cleo, Courtney, Dee Dee, Diane, DS Roxy Cassidy, Farrah, Goldie, Grace, Hannah, Harley, Iona, Jesse, Kim, Laurie, Leela, Liam, Louis, Mandy, Martine, Maxine, Mercedes, Nancy, Oscar, Peri, Rose, Russ, Sally, Sami, Simone, Sinead, Ste, Steph, Tom, Tony, Yasmine and Zack. 

Past Characters Mentioned:

Mike Barnes, Adam Donovan, Glenn Donovan, Eva Falco, Mitzeee Minniver, Tegan Lomax, Katy O’Connor. 

[ipoddymouth]

Miracle On Whatever Street My Mom Lives On (An ‘Et Al.’ Holiday Drabble)

“Is Santa real?”

That was it. That was the question that fucked me over. There were so many things Moose asked me that I answered without even batting an eye (what’s sex? Handled. How much is crack? I gotchu, sis!), but that was the one question that I legitimately didn’t know how to answer.

It wasn’t like I could call up Flimsy and ask her if she’d had this conversation with her kid yet. Homegirl was literally dead. Her sticker-covered urn was in my living room, and I didn’t own an Ouija board. Her only offspring/living relative I knew about, Moose, was smart and I often couldn’t tell if she was just testing me or not. It’s degrading when a five year old makes you feel like an idiot and I often tried to avoid it. But this time she was looking at me so innocently that I genuinely did not know if this was a trap.

What was I supposed to say?

My mom swore - even to this day - that Santa was real. My mom also smoked anything that could burn for a large part of my childhood and I was a bit more of a realist than she was, so I’d never fully been convinced. I think that she’d wanted for there to be some sort of stability in my nomadic upbringing and there’s nothing more constant than an old, fat, white man always knowing where you are.

Santa was supposed to be fun though, right? And Moose had had a shitty year. Like, she’d lost her mom and was now living with someone not even related to her. She deserved to have a good time; there was no reason for me to swoop in and crush her childlike wonder.

“Yes, Moose, there is a Santa Claus.”

Once the words left my mouth, I knew that I was fucked. I was now officially #n2deep and there was no backing out.

Moose immediately jumped in for the contradiction. I should have kept my big-ass mouth shut. “I know that Mall Santa isn’t real because there’s Santas at every mall ‘n I’m smart enough to know that you can’t be in multiple places at once.”

Honestly, wouldn’t it really have killed Flimsy if she’d given birth to a dumb child?

And did I really need to have phrased it like that?

“Those are fake Santas, you’re correct. The real one’s at the North Pole getting stuff ready for Christmas.” The lie wasn’t effortless, but there wasn’t much hesitation. It should’ve been enough to hold her over until something else captured her attention. Really, the only thing that prevented me from routinely fucking up everything I said was how Moose would move on before the words would even leave my mouth.

But, for some reason, she wasn’t willing to drop the Santa thing. I swear, the kid had never given a flying fuck about Santa her entire life, and now she was apparently gearing up to write a fucking tell-all.

“Can I meet him?”

Moose had essentially just asked me to square the fuck up.

“Yeah. But not right now. He’s super busy this time of year,” I replied quickly. Game, set, match, little twerp!

“When will he not be busy?” Damn, bitch was straight-up about to interrogate me.

“Um… the summer, probably. Less busy then. Better hours,” I nodded at her. It’s fun knowing you’re going to go to hell solely because of the lies you’ve told a semi-innocent demon-child.

Moose’s mouth fell into the perfect frown. Like, a literal upside-down U. Her eyes got super wide, like a bush baby on speed. And they got all watery too. Moose didn’t cry… ever, so I wasn’t sure why the Santa thing was fucking with her so bad. Of course, there was the chance she was doing this on purpose and was totally fucking with me. The kid was crafty: she’d been in the principal’s office multiple times for all of the fast ones she’d pulled on the lil dummies she went to school with.

“It’s not that deep, dude. He keeps a low profile. Do you wanna get donuts?” I tried to steer the conversation back towards safer grounds.

Her frown immediately switched back into a smile. “Yes!”

Victory!

“But all I want for Christmas is to meet the reaaaalll Santa,” she drawled out, staring me dead in the eye. Terrified shivers slithered down my spine. “That’s alllll I want.”

Well, fuck.

X

I called an emergency meeting at Harry’s house. The emergency meeting could’ve been held at my house, but Harry’s house has more food and better central heating. So even though it was pretty out of the way for all of the people at said emergency meeting to meet there instead of my place, at least the payoff in their end was much better.

“Why are you always here?” Harry asked me as I shoved a holiday cookie in my mouth.

“Your mom sent you cookies,” I told him through the cookie that I was demolishing.

“Why are you opening my mail?”

“Um, we’re related, so that’s technically okay now.” I mean, it was. “Do you think that she’d send me some if you asked her? Like, I’m not her daughter, but I’m still kind of like her daughter.”

Harry couldn’t complain anymore because that was the moment that the rest of the guys and Ella showed up. Ella was the only one of them that Harry was happy to see, which was a bit rude, but I also couldn’t complain anymore because I was about to draft all of them to help me out with my problem.

“Am I missing something?” Harry looked at me. Okay, so maybe he was going to complain some more. Whatever; I’m fine with that.

“It’s about Moose,” I said, waving the guys over so that they too could enjoy the cookies that Harry’s mom had made. Sharing (other people’s food) is caring.

The mention of Moose’s name made everyone stop and pay attention to me. I mean, no one gave a fuck about me or my issues, but they all cared greatly for Moose. I understood that; even though the little grub was generally annoying as hell, she’d remained relatively untainted by the horrors of aging.

Once I finished basking in how I was the sole center of attention, I finally told them why we’d all gathered together. “She’s never had a Christmas without her mom. Or, at least, I’m assuming that she’s never had one without Flimsy. And now Flimsy is dead, so she’s definitely not having another Christmas with her. So we need to go balls to the fucking wall to make sure that this is the best damn Christmas that Moose has ever had.”

“What did you do?” Harry glared. It was kind of rude for him to automatically assume I’d fucked something up, but if I were Harry then I’d totally automatically assume I’d fucked something up. Because, like, I had fucked something up. I had to pull a real-life Santa Claus out of my own ass.

“I just want to give Moose the best Christmas possible,” I blinked innocently.

No one bought it.

Like, at all.

Like, they were literally folding their arms over their chests and staring me down.

Which, like, yes, I was being fake as hell. But my doe-eyed approach typically had a high success rate. I wasn’t sure why it wasn’t working on the people who knew me best. It wasn’t like I ever used that face on them.

“And there’s one more thing,” I added on quickly. Now that my jig was essentially up, I went back to my normal face before I broke the bad news. “I told Moose that Santa’s real and that means we need to prove to her that Santa is real.”

Everyone went quiet.

“She’s… she’s too smart to believe a fake Santa costume,” Niall said slowly.

“Moose is the girl who would tell the other kids on the playground why Santa is illogical,” Ella chimed in. Like, thanks, girl, for showing me how hard this was going to be. “In fact, I’m pretty sure that Moose told one of my brothers that Santa wasn’t real.”

“Why do you have so many brothers?” Niall asked.

“How many brothers do you have?” That was Louis.

“Too many. Back to the Santa issue!” I clapped my hands together before Harry could ask Ella if he could meet her hoard of siblings. I wasn’t sure where their relationship stood at that point, and even though I wanted to somehow know both everything and nothing at the same time, it wasn’t the time. “What are we going to do?”

“Tell her the truth?” Harry Styles, Santa Slayer deadpanned.

“Damn, you’re really no fun, are you?”

“I’m sorry, did no one ever introduce reality to you?” Harry sneered.

“How many lumps of coal did you have to get before you could turn it into that charcoal toothpaste you have in your bathroom?” I shot back. For the second time that day, game, set, and fucking match.

“Verity’s mom convinced me that Santa’s real,” Niall interrupted with complete and utter seriousness.

My mom loved telling people Santa was real, and it was one of the most embarrassing things about her. Like, more embarrassing than how she had me before she was legally able to drive, and also more embarrassing than how she chose to procreate with the unsalted baked potato that was Des. I never talked about the Santa thing with anyone because there was no cool, kitschy way to make it not seem totally fucking weird. It was supposed to follow my family to the grave, where it could then potentially be murdered for a second time, just to ensure it’d never have to be brought up in the future.

Damn it, Veronica. Couldn’t you just stay in your place, wherever that was?

I immediately jumped in to do damage control, but there’s only so much you can do when you know your mom’s already given the full spiel to your incredibly naive best friend. “When did the two of you ever talk about Santa in the first place?” When was Niall hanging around my mom when I wasn’t there? I mean, I knew that it’d happened before, but what  the fuck? Normally he told me every single detail because he enjoyed comparing me to my mother, which was another annoyance of mine.

“Veronica and I go way back, Verity,” Niall replied like that meant anything to me.

“We go way back too! She’s my mom!”

“I argue with Verity enough on my own; I don’t need to hear the two of you fight either,” Harry interrupted us, probably because he was feeling left out and he can only survive for mere minutes when all of the attention isn’t on him. “Can you get back to the purpose of this meeting? I have things to do.”

Harry didn’t have anything to do, and if he did then it was something lame that he was better off missing than attending. The dude is really not interesting.

“Help me show Moose that Santa’s real,” I insisted. “Please. All of you. That’s all I ask.”

“You want us to trick the trickster?” Louis asked. “Sounds pretty fucking impossible.”

“A Christmas miracle,” I leveraged.

“Miracles and Santa,” Harry snorted. Seriously, who hurt him? Was he really naturally that awful? “Must be nice having your head so far up in the clouds.”

“Chill out, Krampus,” I rolled my eyes at him. “So, are we in or are we in? I’m only acting like I’m giving you options here; I’ve built an entire lifestyle out of forcing people into doing what I want them to, so there’s really no out as long as I know where you all live.”

“Make your existence sound less illegal,” Ella scolded me. Hm, maybe her and Harry had more in common than I thought.

“I will help you,” Niall, the man of the hour/someone who contractually had to agree to all of my plans (it’s what happens when both of you are reckless; you always have to go along with the other person), insisted. “But do you have a plan?”

Psh.

Hell no, I didn’t have a plan.

“I’m working on it,” I told the room. “And it’s definitely going to work.”

X

Liam hadn’t been at the emergency meeting because he had to work or whatever. I couldn’t penalize him for having an actual, non-boring job, but it sucked having to recap the entire afternoon to him. I mean, yeah, it only took a few seconds, but those seconds could’ve been spent doing other things, like wallowing in self-pity.

Moose had been propped in front of the television with a giant stash of dinosaur nuggets and a vault of apple juice, watching some annoying animated shit that I would never agree to watch with her. She was in her ~zone~, so I knew she wouldn’t do anything too terrible for a couple hours. I was counting on her to be chill long enough for me to formulate an actual plan, since no one from that afternoon had contributed anything even remotely useful. Honestly, what’s the point of having friends if they can’t solve all of your problems for you?

While Moose was having the time of her kindergarten life, Liam and I were holed up in my room like we were in one of those emergency bunkers that doomsday preppers build. We weren’t coming up for air until I had Santa on lock.

“Why are we hiding from Moose?” Unfortunately, the guy I was banging wasn’t entirely caught up with the crisis mode lifestyle adjustments.

Liam knew I wasn’t about to fuck him because of my strict no-penetration-while-the-child-was-in-the-apartment rule, but I typically didn’t sequester her alone in a room.

“Did you not read the messages?” I asked him. Like, there was literally a fucking group chat made specifically for this event.

“There were 47 of them and the last eight of them are between Ella and Niall talking about the best kinds of frosting to use on Christmas Tree cookies. I figured it wasn’t important,” he shrugged. “Why? Is something wrong with Moose? Does she have the chicken pox or something?”

“Worse,” I shook my head sadly.

Liam looked at me blankly. “You aren’t about to make me guess, are you?”

“No,” I told him and he let out a sigh of relief. “But it really is awful. The only thing Moose wants for Christmas is to meet Santa. The real Santa. None of that mall shit.”

It took Liam a few moments to realize I was being serious. I mean, I was also being dramatic, and he knew that, but there were overall serious tones in the room. Once he figured it out, he spent a few more seconds trying to figure out what he wanted to say.

“This… this doesn’t have to be hard, Ver. There are probably hundreds of Santas you can rent out this time of year. Just hire one of those,” Liam came through quick with the rational response I could’ve used hours ago. “Feed them some facts about her ahead of time so she seems surprised. Parents do this all the time.”

“But it’s Moose,” I stressed, gliding over the fact that I was technically a ‘parent’ in this situation. Like, where had the fucking time gone? “She’ll tear all of those imposters apart. I need the most genuine Santa I can find.”

Liam sighed, falling back on my bed. I’m glad he was calm enough to sleep at a time like this. “Can’t you just ask your mom? This seems like something she’d know how to solve.”

“I’m trying to not ask her for things. You don’t understand how weird she gets about Santa; I’d rather not have to fight with her about this again.” I may have shuddered at the thought, but deep down I knew I would have to consult The Expert sooner rather than later.

Liam pulled me down so that I was resting on top of him. If I wasn’t about to have the stress-induced anxiety attack of a lifetime, I totally would’ve made out with him. But my libido had been shot. “I know you don’t want to talk to her, Ver, but seriously? Who else is better equipped to handle this shit than her?”

“A psychiatrist? Google?” I tried.

“Stop being so difficult, dude, and just ask her.”

It was my turn to let out a deep sigh. “Ugh. I wish she had chicken pox instead of this shit.”

X

Veronica Clare was my mother, not my sworn enemy. Her and I were super close; probably a lot closer than we should be. But that didn’t mean that I wanted her help with this. I wanted to do everything on my own.

Unfortunately, I knew how much this meant to Moose, and I also knew how often I messed things up.

I had to concede.

Finding my mom was easy because a) she’s my mom and b) she typically had a phone on her ever since she married Clive the Guacamole Guy (he made good guac; his actual job title had nothing to do with food) and became a regular member of society. Clive made enough money for Veronica to keep with her normal busker lifestyle, so while he was doing his shit as an art dealer, my mom… made art?

Anyway, I kicked into her studio like the hellforce that I was, ready sign my soul away in order to help a potentially troubled youth. Like, let’s not pretend like Moose wasn’t going to go through some #phases. I mean, with me as her legal guardian? I went through a phase an hour and both of my parents were still living.

“I need your help,” I announced. No need to beat around the bush!

My mom wiped her paint-colored hands off with a towel as she practically floated her way over to me. Bitch was ethereal, I’d give here that. “With what, petal?”

“I need for Santa to meet Moose.” Wow, it just finds a way to sound even dumber each time I said it out loud.

My mother, to her credit, didn’t flinch. Like, at all. She was almost too calm, if you know what I mean. In fairness, she’d probably been waiting for this day since I was a child. The only man I’d ever even kind of wanted to meet was my biological father (imagine my disappointment when I found it was just Des’ old baldin’ ass), so Santa never held any appeal to me. He, much like my father for all those years, was just another mythological being. Like, at least my dad paid taxes.

“I’ve been waiting for this day!” my mom cried out with outstretched arms. See? I told you. The bitch loved Santa.

“Please sound a little less excited,” I replied with a slight frown. I knew what was coming next. Things were going to take a turn for the worse.

“Well, I happen to know Santa!” she exclaimed in a concerningly non-joking manner.

Ah, yes, the worse was here.

“You’re kidding me, right?” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“Oh, petal, quit being such a non-believer! Who do you think gave you all those Christmas presents when you were young? We were poor; you know I couldn’t get you all of them.”

“They came from homeless shelters and charities. I was one of those kids who’s name was on a little tag on a tree. People would pick it off and buy me presents and then drop them off and there we go.” Just because I wasn’t the smartest person on the planet, it didn’t mean I didn’t know how being both poor and a child worked.

Veronica gave me soft smile, reaching out and playing with the ends of my hair. “Oh, petal, no. That never happened.”

“It did, though.”

“Okay, it happened, but that’s not where all of the gifts came from. Some came from Santa, I swear.”

I could’ve argued to have my mother institutionalized, but I didn’t know if that would actually help anything. Like, was there any point in me trying to convince her otherwise? Clive probably knew about her weird Santa thing and he married her anyway, so I guess this wasn’t a controversial issue for everyone. To me, it was plain-fucking weird, but maybe this was the universe’s way of presenting me with a solution to my problem.

“Well, can you get Santa to meet Moose? It’s urgent.”

Not a second passed.

“Sure, Petal. I can see if he can swing by my holiday party this weekend. You and your friends are coming, right? Santa will only be able to stay for a couple minutes and he probably won’t be able to bring any of the elaborate gifts because it’s so close to Christmas and all, but he’ll probably have activity books. Moose still likes those, right?” She said in one breath as she fluttered around her studio.

I stared at her, my mouth slightly open. Like, I didn’t think she was going to commit this hard. The things Clare women will do for a bit, I guess.

“I, uh, yeah, sure. We’ll all be there.” Was I supposed to thank her? I think I was supposed to thank her. I mean, in the odd chance she actually had a convincing Santa come through and not ruin Christmas for an innocent child.

X

A weird thing had happened where even though I knew Moose wasn’t my child and I had no reason to, like, care all that much about how she acted-slash-looked, ever since she’d been shacking up in my apartment, I felt like I had to make sure she was on her best behavior and looked at least kind of okay. Not, like, great or anything, since I’m literally a blood relative of Harry Styles: World’s Worst Dresser, but good enough for someone to not call CPS every time the kid walked into a room.

I didn’t want to enforce gender roles on her and shove her in a dress, but the only decent thing she had was a dress, so I wrestled her into one before brushing her hair and making sure there wasn’t dirt in her teeth or whatever gross things kids acquire.

I looked… okay…, which was good enough for me.

“Is Santa going to be here?” Moose asked. Yet again, I couldn’t tell if she was testing me or not.

“If everything goes the way it should, then yes, you should be meeting Santa soon.” Was I not playing it cool enough? Veronica was reliable enough (she managed to keep me alive and out of jail), but, like, this was fucking Santa we were talking about. Could she work that one?

Moose looked up at Liam, who was riding over to my mom’s with us. “Will Santa be there?” Um, what the hell, bitch, wasn’t I all the validation you needed?

“Of course!” Liam smiled without hesitation. He was able to do that because he didn’t have to live with Moose, so he wouldn’t have to hear the inevitable fallout when she found out Santa wasn’t real.

The kid rode that high all the way to Veronica(and Clive and Raf)’s house. Meanwhile, I wondered if this was going to be the panic attack that finally took me out. I knew the situation wasn’t, like, dire whatsoever, but this somehow felt more daunting than signing the guardianship papers that allowed me to have legal responsibility of Moose. I started stress-squeezing Liam’s hand with such ferocity that he started pretending he needed both of his hands to fake-text people on his phone. Well played.

Moose immediately went on alert mode the second we stepped into Veronica’s place. She was keeping her eyes peeled for Santa. She looked like a damn meerkat. Moose was so ready to throw down that she literally stopped talking to Liam mid-sentence so that she could begin her hunt. What had I created?

“Wait!” I grabbed Moose’s arm before she could go and do whatever the hell it was kids do at someone else’s house. I pulled her close to me so that I could hiss threatening messages into her ear. “Keep your Santa propaganda to yourself,” I whispered to her. I didn’t want for her to hype up all of the other kids just to have them all get their lives ruined. Like, that would suck for literally everyone.

The gremlin shot me an annoyed look but nodded. I’d trained her well.

“Now, be free,” I commanded, letting go of her arm.

Moose tore off like a rocket so that she could wreak havoc upon people who didn’t have to speak to her on a regular basis.

“Relax, Ver, it’ll be fine,” Liam assured me before my step-sister swooped in so that she could tell Liam something wildly uninteresting. It wasn’t her fault it was boring; there’s just nothing interesting about being fifteen.

For the next twenty minutes, I forgot about the Moose-and-Santa thing. I was at my mom’s house with some of my best friends, so I logically wasn’t going to spend all of my time worrying about a malleable five year old. Like, I was a full nogg-and-a-half in before I realized I’d been stressed out all week about this party, and now Moose was nowhere to be found. I didn’t care about all the work I’d put into this (stop: I did some work). Santa whom? I wasn’t even worried about where she was. She could’ve been playing in traffic and I was so at ease that I would’ve just told her to not get her dress yet. And, knowing her, she probably really was playing in traffic. I was never going to see here again.

That is, until she barrelled directly into my legs.

I literally doubled over because Moose had almost taken out both of my kneecaps in one foul swoop.

“He knew my name!” she whispered excitedly. “Santa knows my name!”

“Moose?” Like, that was all we’d been calling her since… forever? I didn’t even know Moose’s real name until she showed up at my house. Even at that party, she was getting introduced as Moose.

“Maisie!” she shrieked. “He knew my name was Maisie! I never tell anyone that!”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that both my mother and the entire New York Public Schools System had direct access to her real name. I was just happy she was going with this whole Santa thing.

“That’s… that’s great, dude!” I smiled at her. Huh, I guess my mom really had pulled this off. The bitch was good at what she did.

“He also said that he would bring you gifts every year, ‘n that sometimes you wouldn’t really believe it ‘cause you’d get presents from nice people -- charity… oh, that rhymes with Verity! -- oh, um, he said that you’d get presents from charity, but even when the charities couldn’t find you tha- that he’d still bring you gifts.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

Moose kept ramblin’ on, havin’ a good-ass time. “Yeahhhh, because one time you moved right before Christmas ‘n there wasn’t enough time for you to get on a present list but Santa still came and brought you presents anyway because he didn’t want for you to not get anything ‘cause he knew your mommy couldn’t buy stuff!”

I stared at her.

“Man, I love Christmas, Variety!” she said with a happy sigh, slapping me on the arm and skipping off to go become an evangelical Santa fan.

I was so in shock by her a) knowing about my time as an impoverished youth and b) her somehow gaining this information by a man named as Santa that I didn’t even have the chance to make a scene and scold her for calling me ‘Variety.’ Like, I didn’t call her ‘Maisie’; she could extend the same courtesy towards me.

“Why do you look like you’ve just found out we’re related for the first time?” I think Harry was making a joke, but since he’d never intentionally said anything funny in his entire life, I couldn’t be too sure.

He did, however, seem a little too smug. I mean, yeah, that was just how his face looked a lot of the time, but in this situation, it meant a lot more. I yanked his arm and dragged him to the corner of the room, away from all the festivities taking place around us. It was about to be a damn interrogation up in this bitch.

“Was that you in the Santa costume?” I hadn’t noticed him in the room (I hadn’t even noticed him at the party, tee bee aych. The guy can best be described as the word ‘beige’ come to life.), but that would’ve given him ample opportunity to slide off and do this little stint. Niall was nowhere smooth enough to pull this off, Louis couldn’t hide his accent to save his life, Zayn hated me/wasn’t even invited, and Liam was too hot to ever dress up as Santa, and it was clearly someone I knew.

Harry played dumb. I hate calling him smart, but he was smart enough to know when to play dumb. Rather unconvincingly, if I might add. Acting was definitely not this kid’s forte. “Why would I have been in a Santa costume?”

“Well someone had to be inside of it!”

“Yeah, and that someone doesn’t have to have been me,” he scoffed. “It’s not me!” he insisted as I continued glaring. “Verity, I swear, that wasn’t me.”

“I don’t believe you!”

“You don’t have to believe me! But it doesn’t change how it still wasn’t me!” He was getting annoyed now. “I don’t even believe in Santa; why would I want for Moose to believe in something just as fake?” he grumbled.

“Damn, Scrooge McDuck, what’s so bad about having a little fun?” I smirked at him. “Come on, just admit that your alter ego wanted to help me out some and then we can move on.”

My brother didn’t see the fun in this. “Would you stop? I already said it wasn’t me! I never even saw someone dressed like Santa even walk in here! God, you and your mom just never know when to quit!” he threw his hands up in exasperation before stomping off, probably grumbling insults about me to himself.

“Wait! If it wasn’t you, then who was it?” I called after him

Harry glared at me over his shoulder, still walking away. Homie didn’t even have the decency to stop in his tracks. “I guess Santa’s fucking real after all!”

[hunterartemis]

Confessions (Frank Castle X Reader)

We lay on our bed, sweaty and basking under the post-coital glow. I looked at Frank and he looked at me, and we giggled like five year old, nuzzling into each other’s body: our laughs muted and harmonized in the same tune.

A moment of fruitful pause passed, as we shyly looked at each other like teenagers in crush, while the other moment we goofily grinned at each other as if we knew each other for years: the lust in his eyes was overlapping with his love and adoration and it made me crazy.

‘How do you do that?‘ I asked, pulling the sheet up on my chest.

‘Do what?‘ he leaned on his side, with his chest exposed, glistening with sweat which only accentuated his chest.

‘pull off that... rugged charm suave!‘ I pouted and he pulled me closer.

‘hey Frank...‘ I ran my hands over his chest and looked up at him, ‘wanna play a game?‘

‘If it’s gonna be who’s laughing first while getting tickled I ain’t gonna be a part o’that shit...‘ He smiled and pinched my nose in an affectionate way.’No... not that! It’s a different kinda game. It’s called ten questions. You get to ask me ten, I get to ask you ten.‘ I said and looked at him.

He paused and froze for a second, his smile vanished, and I could feel his muscle tensing up, for him... this could go anywhere. I was terribly scared, perhaps I was going to the landmine zone, ‘It’s okay, if you don’t wanna play... we can just have round two?’

‘No.. it’s okay, I don’t mind.‘ He shot up straight and sat up on our bed and made me do the same, ‘it would be like the good ol’ Sundays back in the days.‘

I nervously breathed it in and started to giggle madly as I was making him thorough with the rules and played ‘rock-paper-scissors’ to decide the first one to ask the questions, after drawing the same thing for about five times, My paper won over his rock.

‘Okay... since there is no need to tell me your name, tell me about your childhood in a few expressions‘ I asked in a mock business-like manner, to which the big bad Punisher joined me.

‘Ladies and gentlemen o’the jury, I am Francis Castle, I was born and raised in Queens by a housewife mother named and a father who worked in NYPD, I am a high school graduate. My old man died when I was sixteen and therefore, to provide for my family, I joined the USMC.‘ before he could finish, I broke out laughing, to which he didn’t quite settled ‘what’s so funny?’

‘You have a pompous-ass name for a vigilante warlord “Francis”...‘ I pronounced his name with a fake British accents while gathering one of my lock over my lips ‘all you need is a monocle!!!‘

He looked at me with a quizzical expression and said ‘ya know, I could be way classier than I lead you on kid! It’s you now, shoot’, I told him what I was and how I handled this far.

‘Okay, next question: what is the strangest, most unpredictable thing about you that will shock the world?‘ I asked, and boy was I wrong about how the surprised will stop after the ‘Francis‘ bomb.

‘My real name is not Francis Castle--‘

‘Frank, I think you’re missing the point of ten questions, I did not ask to ten ways to troll your girlfriend--‘

‘My real name is Fra-‘

‘Francesca?‘ I snorted and he affectionately slapped my thigh, and answered ‘no... Francis Louis Mario Lorenzo Castiglione. I am Italian-American and was studying to be a Catholic priest, which didn’t set well with me, and you know why.‘

I was completely silent, and looked at him with gaped mouth while he enjoyed my expressions and smugly winked, ‘guess Francesca just got owned... not sure if I will get the same with yours kid.’

‘Well Frank, I am proud to tell you that...‘ I huffed and looked at him exasperatedly ‘I wish my life was as exciting as yours.‘

‘C’mon kid, there’s gotta be somethin’‘ Frank gave me a mischievous smile, ‘like that one time you was found in the’ and he dived in to tickle the hell out of me to a point where I finally confessed. ‘okay, okay... I was found in the bushes during the field trip, masturbating to my really hot, Shakespeare expert English teacher, by the English teacher in person’ I huffed, laughing, tickled, slightly embarrassed-- not because I verbally said it out to Frank, but the fact, he knew about that before I told him. ‘But how the hell you guessed it?’

‘Sweetheart... I know how to know things... next question.‘ Frank was now killing the game, in my opinion, and I was half-hearted to stop the game immediately and smacking myself how wrong I was to think that he was anxious about the game.

‘whom would you identify with the most before you became a Punisher: Fuckboy or Nerdy Virgin?‘ I do think that I got him now. But being Frank, he was all cool, ‘I would say, that I pretended to be a fuckboy so that nobody would guess I was a nerdy virgin who was studying to be a priest... which would be the rudest fucking surprise to all the concerned... what about you?‘

‘Don’t mock me now Francis... ‘ I slumped my shoulder, ‘my status, until few hours ago was Nerdy Virgin.‘

‘Right you are sweetheart... choose the next one carefully.‘ he smirked mischievously, oh I will Francesca, I will.

‘Okay... what is the most embarrassing story of your life?‘ I laughed while asking it, because Frank cannot return that to me because I got it when he answered the fourth question, and I was enjoying the hell out of it when I got Frank gaping and tilting his head in the most ‘Frank-like‘ manner.

‘It’s a long story now kid, I dunno if--‘

‘If you don’t answer you don’t get to kiss me all week.‘ I played along.

‘You’re evil... alright‘ he huffed, ‘it happened in the Marines...in the Military Ball when i was dancing with the Colonel’s daughter and I suddenly stepped on ‘er dress and the shit got ripped from the waist. got ma’self tangled in all o’er it and wors’ o’all... her boobs o’ma face, in front of my seniors and... ‘

‘And?‘ i asked.

‘That’s it... end of the story... I handed ma ass t’ya. Next?‘ he smiled, and I thought I should have mercy on him, I can’t stand him getting all embarrassed: it doesn’t suit him--he should be fearless and bold. This time I hold his hands ‘what is the most favorite moment of you with her?‘

Frank’s embarrassed smile got replaced with a nostalgic silence, his dark eyes glinted with the ghosts of his past and I almost got teary when he spoke, ‘ya’ know that one time, when we were newly married-- she was already with the child an’ all round and squishy. There was--there was’ he flayed his tall fingers in a way that he was already afraid that the memories will fade ‘there was a--a myrtle tree under which she sat, because she was all beat with the baby shoppin’ and suddenly she asked me to--to put the flowers on her head, it’s like “Frank, how will they look on me, will they be good” and boy, she looked like a potbelly fairy princess with all the pretty flowers in ‘er head-- I kissed her, and by god and I got my heart broke into pieces with the pretty little smile o’her.’ he ended with a sniffle and looked at me, while I was a hot mess, with tears running down my face, before he could say anything, I hugged him and kissed his temple tenderly.

‘I think we are done with the game?’ he tried to smile from what I guessed from his voice, while I rose from his shoulder and cupped his face in my hand ‘I must have saved a country in the past, for being here with you now... and I have no idea why... why of all bad people you-you should have the worst fate in the world--’

His big, calloused finger tapped over my relatively tiny lips and hushed me softly. I was a hot mess of tears and emotions as his big thumb caressed my tears away and looks down at me with affection.

‘Sweetheart, you are sitting on my lap, buck ass naked, oozin’ a world worth of love and sweetness that would give me diabetes. Trust me, I am not the one whose fate is the worst‘ he tucked one of my hair behind my ears and shook my chin ‘I think the worst fate award goes to every person about to be shot by me, and the douchbags who rejected you.‘