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serpent-in-the-lions-den · 4 years

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SEVERUS SNAPE | DOUBLE-AGENT | MID-LEVEL

PERSONALITY:

Generally, Severus is seen rather than heard.

The mind of Severus Snape is complex – to be sure. Filled with calculations, fragile threads of truths and lies he’s told and webbing them all together, and innovations for many different forms of magic. To keep all of these thoughts collected, Severus keeps a journal that he has heavily bound to keep secret. There, he states the deepest parts of his soul, creates new potions, spells, and whatever else he deems worthy. It is protected by a blood spell that only he knows the enchantment to. Like him, everything is kept very private and close to his chest.

While Severus has plenty of thoughts coursing through his brilliant mind, he does not initiate conversation. In fact, he says much more with his eyes. Even if they can be cold. However, this does not mean Severus will keep silent – nor is it out of shyness. When Snape graces others with his opinions or ideas, they should not be taken lightly. Every single word uttered has meaning.

Being around Death Eaters and the Dark Lord, he’s kept a keen eye – finding everyone’s tells and when it is best for him to speak his true sentiments. As well as this, if he feels provoked or given an opportunity to speak freely, he will not cower. Often, his retorts have a bite to them, thick with sarcasm or bitterness; or both.

Severus Snape is profound in potions – and dare we say even more skilled in the Dark Arts. Books were a comfort for him growing up, finding company with leather-bound pages and becoming well-versed in their contents. A strength he chooses not to boast about is his ability to create new spells, new magic, even. Most of these, however, were being saved to get a slight revenge over his old school enemies. And therein lies the rub. Snape’s insecurities are tightly bound to Hogwarts and being bullied – not to mention his inability to reveal his true feelings toward the one girl who showed him kindness all those years.

FAMILY:

A broken family. That was the home of Tobias Snape and Eileen Prince.

A Muggle father and a Pureblood mother. Such parents didn’t give Severus an opinion on blood purity – but rather if an individual could prove themselves. While his parents may have had married for love at some point, something shifted their feelings.

For Snape’s father, nothing seemed to please him. Except for, perhaps, a bottle of gin. This instilled a primal instinct for Severus to do better; be better. Strive for power.

As for Snape’s mother, she grew sickly and thin. Her grief taught him empathy. It also made him value any comfort, starving for any sort of love and affection. This was, most likely, the cause for Severus’ immediate interest in Lily Evans – and the roots of his near-obsession with her.

Both of his parents were unhappy, and let it affect both their home and their son. Living near-destitution, the Snape house was filled with hateful words, arguments, loud shattering of priceless heirlooms or objects, and other things that still haunt Severus to this day. When thinking back on his past, Severus prefers the memories of when they both neglected him altogether, rather than any other aspects of his upbringing.

OCCUPATION:

Potions Apprentice to Professor Slughorn.

Invaluable to the Dark Lord, the talents of Severus Snape brought him closer to his inner circle. For Voldemort, it also meant he could manipulate the young man’s talents to foil any plots that the Order may have against him. Knowing his passion for potions, Voldemort encouraged Snape to take on an apprenticeship with Professor Slughorn – while also peeking behind the curtain at Hogwarts and keeping an eye on the Headmaster.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Mid-Level | Double Agent

Walking a thin line between hero and villain had never once crossed Severus’ mind. Yet, here he was. An Order member. At first, in a plot for the Dark Lord, carrying out the order to spy on the organization; find out how it could crumble. The young wizard had already grown steadily in their ranks, garnered enough trust, and was even listening to Voldemort’s other requests like his employment. All for the sake of war. It was a task daunting enough for anyone; however, Severus knew pretending to be an Order member would bring him closer to Lily. That, and potentially erase any suspicions Frank Longbottom might have if he thought he saw the Slytherin’s face during the arrest. At first, it was all an act.

Now, within the Order, Severus is a black sheep. Many of his childhood bullies are within their ranks, and many who distrust him. Although, with Severus’ lust for power, proving himself is nothing new to him. In fact, he thrives on it. No more fighting behind a mask…watching those he cares for nearly meet their end. An easy task to spy, being a great reader of both people and their minds. However, an overwhelmingly difficult task to want to continue fighting for something he didn’t believe in. Not that he believes in the Order either, but his lust for power has now been overcome with a desperate need to win an old friendship back. Perhaps to take Lily Evans far away from any wars as well, forgetting the two sides; no more choosing between what is right, and what is easy. Severus faces this new challenge, while fighting off those he once stood beside. For now, he’ll leave it to fate – if he’s able to win Lily’s friendship back.

After the latest events of Muggles being slaughtered from his mistakes with the orb, Severus feels a familiar pang of guilt. The same kind he felt after calling Lily that horrid name in school. It doesn’t help that The Order sees him as a risk and has been keeping him away from the center of the action. Severus feels responsible and a need to redeem himself. The night of the wedding, The Order tasked him with staying with the healers – at least giving him that opportunity. Among the chaos, steady hands and minds are needed. Which, thankfully, Severus was very skilled with.

SURVIVAL:

Severus Snape survives purely relying on his skills – and providing them to whichever side he feels is winning. It was part of the reason why he joined the Death Easters in the first place. Unfortunately for the Order, Snape believes the Dark Lord will win; that they will fall – and not rise from the ashes, as their namesake. A lust for power has blinded him most of all. But with it, he’s earned the trust of Voldemort, become invaluable. A faithful servant. Once the war s over, Severus believes he will be rewarded for his acts. At least, as long as he continues to do his bidding…

While with the Order, Severus has taken up housing in Hogwarts during the school year under his apprenticeship with Slughorn. During the summers, he’s found a small flat down near Hogsmeade to keep close enough. Beforehand, he often stayed with Lucius Malfoy in their incredibly large manor. It made it easy to stay near his comrades and to carry out any dark deeds.

Until there seems to be a clear winner, Severus will carry out his work as a spy. Even if it means slightly changing sides to do it as time goes on. The skills he carries with Occlumency are not to be trifled with. It seems he’s one of the few to have mastered such magic, making him the perfect soldier for espionage. Especially now that he has a desire for redemption for the mistakes he’s made and devastation he’s caused.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Severus’ relationship with Lily Evans was broken long ago. However, he will try and make peace with her, at the very least. If they rekindle their friendship, Severus would likely switch sides; happily die for her and prove himself. If it blossomed even more (something he fears even daydreaming about will jinx it), Severus would give up everything with the Dark Lord and his following - and give all his loyalty to the Order.

PRIVILEGES & BIASES:

Having gone through a very traumatic animalistic incident in his years at Hogwarts, Severus has a large bias against werewolves. The whole experience left a nasty memory for him, left in complete shock and disagreement with Dumbledore. And having Fenrir Greyback at the Dark Lord’s disposal certainly didn’t make matters any better.

There is one thing that will never chance for Severus Snape, and that is his hatred and bitterness towards certain Gryffindor boys he now has to work with in the Order. The thought alone makes his blood boil and skin crawl. Yet, he will do what he must for his cause…and maybe even throw in a snide remark or two every so often.

Muggleborns are something of a mystery to Snape now. When he first met Lily, he thought she was different from any other one – slumping the rest together with the likes of his father. Although seeing how fierce Dorcas has become – and so well integrated with the Wizarding World – Severus has gained a new understanding. Of course, he’s still untrusting, at first, and even a little cold; but that doesn’t mean his mind cannot be changed.

#bio #updated #redemption arch coming #he's in between good and bad at the moment #loving it lol #hc #head canon

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homenum-revelio-hq · 4 years

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Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Gina!

You have been accepted for the role of SEVERUS SNAPE with the faceclaim of Aneurin Barbard! We particularly loved Severus’ ambiguous motivations and how he’s playing spy as a double agent for both the Order and the Death Eaters! He’s not all good - he’s not all bad - and that fits our morally grey theme within this roleplay. So glad to see you playing him again!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Gina AGE: 25 TIMEZONE: MST-Arizona ACTIVITY LEVEL: Weekends are usually when I’m on the most 😊 I’ll try to get on during the week – especially on my early days. All that being said, I’ll definitely will be able to post at least once a week! As long as writing is still fun, and doesn’t feel like a chore, I’ll be on the dash frequently (and I’ll keep y’all informed if there’s ever going to be an issue with an activity check)! ANYTHING ELSE: trigger: non-con.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Severus Snape AGE: 21 GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis-Male, He/Him, Heterosexual. BLOOD STATUS: Halfblood HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin ANY CHANGES: Request FC change: Aneurin Barnard.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Generally, Severus is seen rather than heard.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

A broken family. That was the home of Tobias Snape and Eileen Prince.

For Snape’s father, nothing seemed to please him. Except for, perhaps, a bottle of gin. This instilled a primal instinct for Severus to do better; be better. Strive for power.

OCCUPATION: Potions Apprentice to Professor Slughorn.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

After the latest events of Muggles being slaughtered from his mistakes with the orb, Severus feels a familiar pang of guilt. The same kind he felt after calling Lily that horrid name in school. It doesn’t help that The Order sees him as a risk and has been keeping him away from the center of the action. Severus feels responsible and a need to redeem himself. The night of the engagement party, The Order tasked him with staying with the healers – at least giving him that opportunity. Among the chaos, steady hands and minds are needed. Which, thankfully, Severus was very skilled with.

SURVIVAL:

RELATIONSHIPS:

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: Ships: Snape/Lily & Snape/Chemistry. Anti-Ships: None

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?

I am excited to explore a redemption arch for Severus! I think it could be really great to see him actually believe in the cause and put his complete loyalty to The Order. I’ve tinkered with this idea before in another RP where his motives were driven by romance. Now, I can see hm relying on changing his mind on his own accord and a longing for his old friendship back to guide him to the side of good and light.

ANYTHING ELSE? Super excited to be re-applying as Sev! 😊

#homenumaccepted #harry potter rp #harry potter rpg #marauders rp #marauders rpg

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plagueamon · 5 years

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Code Geass MBTI Challenge Turn 10: Diethard Ried - ENTP

Turn 10 marks the first time a type is repeated in Code Geass. The first of quite a few in fact, as our list contains almost twice as many characters as there are MBTI types (not to say that every type will be represented by the same number of people). What this means, however, is that I now have the opportunity to show you just how varying people can be even when they are typed as the same. This mainly depends on such things as ho well developed/healthy the person in question is as well as factors that have subjective importance to their personality and upbringing. Diethard Ried is a very good example of this principle, specifically in contrast to our previous ENTP representative - Milly Ashford. Before I start explaining this character’s functions, please keep in mind, that this post will contain heavy Code Geass spoilers, so consider yourself warned. With that out of the way, let us analyse why Diethard Ried is an ENTP.

Dominant Extroverted Intuition/Ne

Appropriately to his dominant function being extroverted and perceiving, Diethard himself sees his single purpose in life as that of an observer, being motivated by a strong desire to personally witness the most amazing and historically impactful events he can get to. For this very reason he joined Lelouch and later Schneizel, both of whom allowed him to be a part of plans that severely changed the world. On the surface Diethard’s obsession with being where the action’s at may appear as dominant Se, however there are some key differences to consider here. Unlike for a Se-dom, his excitement comes not from the experiences themselves, but rather from how the people he follows actually accomplish things that seem nearly impossible to him. For a person with a dominant intuitive function nothing seems quite as interesting as basically seeing literal fantasies and thought experiments being put into reality. This is why Diethard doesn’t mind getting involved in the wars he wants to record: when what you care the most about is creating a great story, objectivity truly may be a myth for some.

The extroverted component of Diethard’s dominant function can be seen in how the plans he wants to see carried out have no personal significance to him. There is no benefit to be gained for him, no need to reflect on the his or Lelouch’s reason for doing what they’re doing, hell, he doesn’t even come up with the plans and does whatever work he is assigned, no matter how amoral. The sole impressiveness of Lelouch’s and Schneizel’s plans are enough to keep him motivated. Notably, Diethard’s admiration for both of his leaders comes from what they can do, not just how smart they are. Clovis was smart too and very skilled at manipulating Japan’s population to maintain a status quo. What he was not is a genius who had both the will and ability to change the world into something never before seen, and that is why Diethard was bored serving under him.

Because Ne is a function based on associative thinking and connections, Ne-doms more often rely on their thinking skills rather than their knowledge of any particular subject, and recognising Diethard’s intellect, Lelouch made him a high ranking officer, despite him being a Britannian who is generally disliked by the rest of the Black Knights. Lelouch was later proven right in his assessment of the journalist, as Diethard has shown a gret ability to think for himself when unable to turn to his leader for guidance. As a result he is one of the few Black Knights to avoid imprisonment at the start of R2 and eventually ends up betraying his master, making Lelouch’s path to victory that much more difficult.

Auxiliary Introverted Thinking/Ti

Diethard’s Ti is expressed in several ways. For one, it makes him a skilled journalist, who is not only good at his job, but also has a deep enough understanding of his skills to be able to use them for his new position as an intelligence officer. Even more interesting is the fact that journalism was basically the only thing Diethard was passionate about before he joined the Black Knights, so it is only fitting that he adapted some of the job’s principles as a kind of personal philosophy: all is well that makes for a good story, consequences be damned. The reason for why Diethard’s Ti is not dominant, however, is that his passion for journalism is not his core motivation throughout the series, but a way for him to support his Ne ambitions. In fact, he has no second thoughts about abandoning some essential journalistic standards when he views them as an obstacle, his belief that objectivity is a myth is a perfect example of that. This also shows that Diethard’s views regarding journalism are affected by Britannian society, which also doesn’t shy away from fabricating stories in media. Knowing that, we can conclude that this is an example of Diethard’s Fe affecting his Ti judgements, which also shows that his Fe is tertiary and his Ti - auxiliary.

Much like with Milly, Diethard’s Ti gives him an experimental side, and this is seen in how he likes to challenge the beliefs of fellow Black Knights and question the validity of their views. Ti’s situational/subjective logic is a double-edged sword when it comes to these arguments: Diethard notably tends to debate against morally driven characters, specifically Tohdoh and Ohgi (it’s no coincidence that an ENTP and an ISFJ have so much trouble cooperating), showing the ability to deconstruct their arguments by selecting relevant facts. However, this also shows a level of bias, as we can see when the team loses Zero and needs to decide what to do. While Diethard makes some reasonable arguments in favour of looking for Zero, he ignores the dozens of lives at stake, because they don’t matter to him personally. He knows that without Zero he would have no interest in helping the Black Knights, so he skews the argument to make himself appear more right than he actually is.

Tertiary Extroverted Feeling/Fe

Diethard is a classic example of how ENTPs (specifically in fiction) tend to handle tertiary Fe. While he has a good understanding of social rules and obligations and and the ability to often use them to his advantage, he lacks any kind of personal investment in such things and usually sees them as a means to an end. We can see evidence of this at the start of the series, when Diethard was still working for Clovis: his ability to manipulate media in a way that made Area 11 appear like peaceful utopia and pacified its citizens gave him a high position and a considerable amount of influence in Britannian society, yet he found himself bored and ditched his privileges as soon as he found something more interesting to do. This is even communicated in his character design: despite spending a lot of time in the company of the highest members of Britannian society, Diethard prefers an attire that can be describe as plain at practical at best - fully committing to his social circle is something he considers a waste of his time.

Tertiary Fe happens to be the first major point of difference between Diethard and Milly Ashford. Milly is a healthier ENTP, who, while independent, was still influenced by her upbringing and social environment enough to develop a healthy level of compassion, morality and genuine investment in the lives of her friends - it’s what helps her listen to them and eventually see her own flaws. And then there is Diethard. While we don’t know anything about his life prior to the events of R1, he certainly also seems to be a product of his society, but in a completely different way. In a political system that promotes amoral and manipulative methods, Diethard too has absorbed these values when it comes to achieving his goals, even if he has no interest in the system itself. This makes him only use his Fe to satisfy the urges of his dominant Ne (loop) instead of using it to learn from others or make meaningful connections with them. In this sense, Diethard can be considered a foil to Milly, having many similarities, but some crucial differences from one another..

Inferior Introverted Sensing/Si

As the embodiment of any person’s main flaws and weaknesses, the inferior function is often used to give characters an arc, something they would need to overcome. Both Diethard and Milly possess the same inferior function and hence their inherent flaws are similar, but only Milly learns to be a better person in the end.

Ne is a function that is concerned with theoretical connections between facts. It is therefore directly opposed to Si - a function that focuses on the facts themselves and how they are relevant to the function’s user. For characters with inferior Si, such as Diethard, this means that they focus too much on the external and end up lacking substance or a clear identity as people. This isn’t immediately obvious for Diethard, because he is neither aware, nor cares much about his flaws, but it becomes much more apparent as time goes on. Note that throughout the whole series Diethard has not made any meaningful connections with anyone or anything; he is so obsessed with what he wants to see Lelouch do that he is not even remotely concerned with making others trust him or developing any attachment to even his work, making him the amoral cynic that we all know. And while Milly’s more healthy use of her functions allowed her to find herself and lead a much happier life, Diethard only realised what he was lacking in his final moments.

While he did everything to satisfy his Ne desires and was effective in his service, he failed to earn anyone’s trust or respect as a human being, so when it came to his death, even Lelouch did not see it as worth his effort to show Diethard a last act of kindness.

However, please keep in mind that this is only my opinion on the matter and I will welcome any criticisms or alternative opinions to discuss them. If this article was interesting for you, stay prepared for next time, when I shall discuss the MBTI type of Jeremiah Gottwald.

#mbti #code geass #code geass mbti challenge #Diethard #Diethard Ried #ENTP #Ne #Ti #Fe #Si #fictional characters

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daysswithyou · 6 years

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II. Wonpil - Forever

Characters: Wonpil x you

Genre: angst, slice of life, (slight) fluff

Words: 3.8k

Description: enemies to lovers!wonpil

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2010

April 28th.

It was my birthday, and his.

It was also the first day we met.

Nothing seemed odd about him at first. He was of an average height, had some pretty sharp features and a billion watt smile; the kind that you see in toothpaste commercials. The girls started buzzing amongst themselves – he was a catch alright. But when the teacher asked him to introduce himself to the class, that’s when we all knew that he was a little different from the rest of us. I mean, who else would use paper and not his voice to a self-introduction?

“Hi everyone.”

Flip.

“My name is Kim Wonpil.”

Flip.

“I can’t speak because I’m deaf.”

Flip.

“But I will work hard to communicate with you during conversations and group projects using this booklet.”

Flip.

“Please do take care of me! I hope to be friends with everyone here!”

Flip. And that billion watt smile was on again. Everyone clapped, but you can feel a definite shift in the air. People were less enthusiastic about the new kid; the claps were merely a sign of courtesy. I had known from an earlier conversation with the teacher that I was to be his buddy and honestly, I don’t mind. I’m not the type the judge much – unlike the others. Although getting close to him might be a concern for me. When he sat in the seat beside mine, he immediately flipped to a fresh sheet of paper and hurriedly scribbled something on it.

“Hi, Y/N! Nice to meet you! I got your name from the teacher just now.”

“Hi, Wonpil. It’s nice to meet you too.”

“Let’s be friends ok?”

“Ok.”

And my life has changed very much ever since that day.

Wonpil is a very curious and bright kid by nature so every 5 seconds in class; I would have his paper shoved into my face, a query written in bold black ink. When I couldn’t answer, he’ll need a little more time for his question to be answered by the teacher – which earned groans from the class – but of course, he can’t hear them. Gradually, everyone came to detest Wonpil a little – not because he was rude or unfriendly or anything of that sort – but the fact that he was different and required a little more time in this fast-paced world slowed them down, and they didn’t appreciate it.

No one was really willing to hang out with Wonpil at all – except me and my other friend Eva. On the days when even I got annoyed with Wonpil, Eva was the only one that could continue to keep up with his pace, and sincerely took time to be his friend. I guess this was also the reason why Wonpil’s world in school came to shrink to just me and Eva – but more of me since I spent almost all my time in class with him.

I don’t know why I was so blind; why I was so ignorant to his feelings. But my clouded perceptions ruined everything henceforth. My friendlessness turned to tolerance, and that tolerance eventually turned to loathing. And till today, I can never really forgive myself for the way I treated him.

I felt something cool press against the back of my hand. Cracking open my bleary eyes, I brushed my fingers against the cool plastic of the banana milk carton before focusing on the person standing behind it. He held his booklet in his hand which had said, “For you. You haven’t been eating well these days so you should at least drink that!”

I wrote in my own booklet before showing it to him.

“Thanks Wonpil but its ok. I really don’t have an appetite now.”

“No! You must at least drink that!”

Without waiting for my confirmation, he poked the straw through the metal sheet on top and passed it to me. Despite the obvious frown on my face, I took the drink from his hands and sipped on it bit by bit. Pleased, he sat down beside me again before engrossing himself in his own work. I merely glanced at his book but the contents made my do a double take.

Musical notes? How can he write music?

Out of curiosity, I tapped on the shoulder before showing him my question.

“How do you make music? You can’t hear the notes…right?”

“I used to be able to hear when I was little; maybe till I was 6? Despite the little memories I have of music, it is my first love. I remember enough to write some music and I’ve been doing so since I was 13. I know it’s funny – I can remember music but I can’t remember words.”

At that point in time, I merely nodded but the part of me chose not to believe what he had just told me.

“Have you seen Wonpil’s music book yet?”

“Uh huh. What about it?”

“Well? Don’t you think it’s fascinating? How someone can’t hear but can still create music.”

The words were out of my mouth before I could even assess the weight of it.

“Personally I find it quite incredulous. How can someone produce music without being able to hear it?”

“Y/N!”

“What!”

“Are you hearing yourself now? When did you become one of those judgemental people in school? You can choose not to support him in what he’s doing but it’s wrong to ridicule him for it!”

Eva then picked her bag up and with one last glance at me, she stormed out of the bathroom and let the door slam shut, leaving me to drown in my thoughts. Bent over the sink, I took a deep breath before I could form a coherent thought again.

She’s right. Since when I have I began to judge Wonpil for who he is?

Since that day, our relationship has entered the point of no return.

No matter what Wonpil did, it just ticked me off in every way possible.

Everything he did felt like a bother to me – it’s like I’ve come to label Wonpil as “annoying” and the mode around him would be “avoid at all costs”

Whenever he tried to let me listen to his music, I would come up with some excuse to not listen to it, convinced that I could never possibly like it.

Whenever he asked for help with schoolwork, I’d lied and said that I didn’t know how to solve it, hoping that he’ll go bother someone else with his questions.

Whenever he asked to hang out on the weekends, my standard response was “Sorry I can’t, I got to study.” – That wasn’t a lie but surely I could have spared some time to spend with him?

Gradually, I think he took the hint because I stopped receiving questions or requests from him – he’d just go straight to the teacher or Eva. Eva was spending more time with Wonpil now than I do but that was fine with me. It just means that I get more time to study alone in peace –which was exactly what I needed now.

I thought I could hold it all in but the dam finally broke one day.

Everything about that day felt so cold.

The dark skies were pouring down relentlessly, the giant raindrops sounding like rocks being thrown at the window. I was staying back in class for night study class and I was the last one left. My stomach growled in protest – the last time I ate something was… 9, 10 hours ago? Being too engrossed trying to get my sums right, I completely forgotten to eat until I felt the sting of the gastric setting into my stomach.

I looked at the clock: It was 10 minutes to 9, which means that I would have to leave school soon. The last math question stared back at me and I decided my growling stomach could wait another 10 minutes for me to be done before being satisfied.

Just 10 more minutes, I can do this.

But the heavens have a terribly clever way of ruining my plans. On cue, Wonpil stepped into the classroom with a dinner box in hand and judging by his purposeful steps towards me, that dinner box was surely meant for me.

True enough, the sticky note on top of the box made his intentions very clear.

“Please eat this now Y/N. You haven’t eaten anything since morning’s break. You’re going to make yourself sick at this rate.”

At this point in time, I couldn’t even be bothered to waste time to write a response. Instead, I merely pushed the dinner box back into his hands, wishing that he’ll just leave me alone. But for someone like Wonpil that never gives up, this was just another challenge that he will surely overcome.

Sure enough, he placed the dinner box in front of me and for the next 5 minutes or so, we played the push and pull game.

Until I just snapped like a cold wire on the frigid, winter night.

“WONPIL PLEASE STOP! WHY WON’T YOU GET THE HINT!”

The need to hurl something was too overwhelming and as the surge of anger rose within me, I picked up the closest thing to me without thinking twice, I hurled it into the corner at the other end of the classroom with all the strength I could muster in my entire body.

“Why don’t you get it? Why won’t you just leave me alone? Why must you always poke your nose into my business? I’m 16; I can take care of myself just fine! Why do you always have to be so annoying? WHY MUST YOU MAKE LIFE SO DIFFICULT FOR ME!!!”

When I finally opened my eyes – that was when I knew I had ruined everything. Food was strewn all over the classroom and I slowly followed the trail of food with my eyes…

That egg with the lopsided yolk…

The cherry tomatoes that was cut into the shape of flowers…

And lastly, the beef that was slightly burnt around the edges.

I’ve seen Wonpil cook a few times before during Home Economics class – and I recognise it. The craftsmanship in the food was undoubtedly the work of his hands.

But the most heart-breaking thing was seeing that look of agony on his face.

When our eyes met, it was like… it was like… like…

He couldn’t recognise me anymore.

What have I done? I have to leave before I cause more damage.

Slowly backing away from him, I picked up my bag and fled the scene as a bright flash of lightening illuminated his lonely figure in the class.

Later that night as I lay in bed, the scenes from that night played like a never-ending trailer in my mind, the sorrow reflected in his eyes becoming the highlight of this burning red film. But the realisation of another fact felt like a sword being impaled into me and I cried myself to sleep that night.

Wonpil is afraid of the dark – and I had left home alone in that cold, dark classroom.

When I went back to class the next day, everyone was going about their daily activities as usual – as though no one knew of the terrible things that happened there last night. The room did not give itself away either, the interior bare from all traces of the wreck I had left behind. The floors were clean and my books were kept away neatly under my table. From the corner of my eyes, I could make out Wonpil’s figure at his usual spot beside me in class.

I sat down quietly – and he did nothing. No greetings, no smile or no new things to share with me. He was behaving exactly how I had wished he would for the past few months but his cold mannerism made guilt rise within me like sickening bile.

But the guilt was gone as quickly as it had come as I recalled the times he had invaded my personal space and made my personal business his.

I remembered that I hated him – and I decided with finality that I would give him the cold shoulder.

That was how we had lived for the next semester in school – never speaking to one another, pretending that one another didn’t exist.

“Y/N, want to go the summer festival next week?”

“Sure. Who else is coming along Eva?”

“Hmm, just you and me for now.”

“That’s cool with me.”

“Should we…”

“Should we – what?”

“I want to invite Won-”

“No.”

“Y/N, don’t be so stubborn.”

“No. I don’t want to see him there. I don’t want to see him at all.”

“This is where you have to stop living in that little bubble of yours Y/N. I hate to have to do this but there is something you need to get straight. Wonpil wasn’t trying to purposely get in your way by doing all the things he did – he was merely trying to help you. You’re ignorant to this fact because you are so engrossed in your own world but anyone around you can see you working yourself to the bones. Your appetite’s gotten smaller and sometimes you forget to eat entirely. You don’t sleep well and you think caffeine is the solution to everything – you drink that stuff like its water. You try to overtax yourself by working nonstop without any breaks.

I get it. I get that you’re hardworking – I’ve known you for so many years now. But what you need to do for yourself is to stop being so narrow-minded and see the world in different perspectives.

Try to stand in his shoes and think for once.

Is it easy for him to express himself with words? No. But he tries – and he tries the hardest for you. Because he can’t use words easily like most of us can, he expresses his concern through his actions. Everything he’s done for you was done painstakingly with time and effort.

But now back to you Y/N. Ask yourself – what have you ever done for him? A simple thank you would have sufficed for him I suppose – but you didn’t even do that.”

I detest it. I detest the fact that Wonpil has always been the bigger, better person amongst us two. I detest the fact that he’s made me look like a fool. I detest the fact that he’s such a perfect guy.

But most of all,

I detest the fact that Eva is right – and that I’m actually feeling sorry towards someone that I’m supposed to hate.

Anger has always been my defence against the pain and this time was no different from the rest.

“So? So what if you’re right Eva? So what if he’s just trying to help me? It doesn’t change the fact that he made me irritated.”

“You’re right – it doesn’t change the past. It doesn’t change the fact that he made you angry or irritated. I never meant to invalidate all that with the things I’ve just said. I said all that in hopes that the future will change. Maybe you’ll finally see things in a different light now – and try to be more understanding towards him next time. Anyways, I’m inviting Wonpil to the summer festival. You can decide if you want to come or not.”

That summer, I watched the fireworks from my bedroom window as I practised sign language.

I’m going to do it. When I see him again, I’m going to say all the things I should have a long time ago and…

Try to be understanding towards him for once.

Beep.

“Wonpil” then flashed on my screen a second later.

“Annyeong Y/N. Are you free to meet today? I’ve got something that I got to tell you.”

Today? But I’m not ready yet. I haven’t learnt enough yet.

“Not today Wonpil-ah. I’m busy.”

“Not even for 5 minutes? I really want to tell you this in person.”

“Not today Wonpil…I’m sorry.”

“Ah, it’s ok then.”

And a new message from him came a few minutes later.

“Annyeong Y/N.”

Goodbye.

It was such a simple word – but I never realised the weight of it until it was too late.

He wasn’t there anymore. The seat beside mine was empty once more, the desk underneath cleared of its content. Gone was the packet of sweets that he’ll always have under the desk; no more crumpled papers with scratched out lyrics littered the floor or mini figurines that he’ll make with leftover eraser dust sitting on his table.

The place was clean – like no one’s ever been there in the first place. I search all his old hunts – the big tree at the back of the school garden, the benches by the field, and even the rooftop.

And then I bump into Eva in the hallway – the only other person that might know where he is.

“Hey Eva did you see Wonpil? I tried searching around the whole place – why are you staring at me like that?”

Her eyes had grown wider, her facial expression morphing into one of grave seriousness. When she finally spoke, her tone changed drastically – like she was trying to calm a scared child.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“He didn’t ask to see you over summer break? He didn’t text you or anything of that sort?”

“Well he did ask to meet me once and-”

“Did you say yes?”

“No I didn’t. I wasn’t ready to face him yet-”

“Oh God.”

“Why? What’s going on Eva? Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something I should know? Did something-”

“He’s gone Y/N.”

“He’s gone? What do you mean he’s gone?”

“He moved away Y/N.”

When she said that, I could feel physically feel my knees buckling under me. Everything around me faded into white noise, even Eva’s consolation. I was only aware of the sensation of loss within me as the grief threatened to crush me.

That’s why he said goodbye. It was a forever goodbye.

And I didn’t even get to give him a proper apology and goodbye.

I don’t know how long I cried for. Hours, days maybe. Years later, the pain still hasn’t gone away.

2018;

8 years.

It’s been 8 years since I last saw Kim Wonpil. A boy I knew for such a short time still remains lodged deep into my heart – that unspoken apology still hanging by my lips.

We’re so far apart – emotionally and physically – but I still catch myself thinking about him sometimes. Maybe I caught sight of the pencils he used to use back then, or unconsciously ate his favourite candy or snack.

Sometimes it becomes even more ridiculous – when I start thinking about how I should have listened to his songs back then when he wanted to show them to me.

It’s on those nights where I need an escape – and a cup of warm butter beer and good music always seems to do the trick.

I walk into the club, sit down and have my usual drink served to me approximately 3 minutes later; the owner’s a university friend.

I can hear instruments being set up on the stage behind me – this must be one of those live club days that I’ve gradually lost track of; heck I don’t even know who’s playing tonight. But it doesn’t matter – if they sing well I’ll just turn around, catch a glimpse of their poster hanging somewhere and listen to their songs in the comfort of my home.

The first few voices sounded vaguely familiar and in the depths of my memory, I must have heard them play here before so… nothing new.

But when the chorus comes in – that’s when I hear the most unique voice in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone with such a vocal colour.

I turn around.

And I see him again.

After so, so, so long.

But… he’s singing? He can’t hear, how could know to form words?

The same shock must have registered within him for he has stopped singing too.

I want to go up and say all the things I couldn’t tell him before – but my legs wouldn’t move. I follow him absentmindedly with my eyes as he makes his way over to me and his band continues on without him. Soon, he and I and the commotion we have caused are forgotten by the crowd as they become enraptured in the raspy voice of the main vocalist.

When he stands in front of me again after 8 years, we size one another up like kids used to do on the playground in elementary school as the world narrows down to just me and him.

All I’m aware of is him right now – is this even real anymore?

As if he’s proving his point that he’s always been the bigger, better person, he greets me first.

“Annyeong Y/N.”

“Annyeong Wonpil…”

“Weird to hear me speak isn’t it.”

“Yes.”

“You know, Y/N, since I left I’ve always been hoping that I could see you again and gosh this is all so crazy but I finally have my prayers heard.”

He’s still the same. Still rambling on about his interests without thinking too much about them but mine too, Wonpil. Mine too.

“Where have you been Wonpil? How can you…”

“How can I speak again? I went to the States for treatment before coming back to Korea and after many rounds of speech therapy, here I am now.”

He sheepishly rubs the back of his neck – an old habit of his that has still stuck around.

“It’s been a long while Y/N. Sorry for not being able to tell you that I was leaving 8 years ago…”

“That was my fault, don’t apologise.”

He lets out a nervous laughter before his eyes find mine again – but this time, I beat him to it.

“Sorry for all the terrible things I’ve did before Wonpil. I’m sorry this apology came so late. I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye. I’m sorry…for many things…”

I swiftly turn my face away as the first tear drops and I let him when he draws me into his arms.

“It’s ok, don’t cry please. I’ve put them all behind me – why are you still berating yourself for it after so many years?”

“I was a really terrible person Wonpil, how are you still so kind to me?”

“Because you were my first friend there – regardless of how things changed over time.”

I stay enveloped in his embrace for a few more minutes before he speaks again.

“It’s been a really long while Y/N. I believe that we are meeting again for reason so…let’s become friends again? It’s time to right the wrongs done and make up for lost time, don’t you think?”

This time round, I cling on tightly to his shirt as I agree.

“Yes, let’s do that. I’m not letting you go – not ever again.”

#day6writersnet #wonpil scenario #wonpil imagine #day6 wonpil imagine #day6 wonpil scenario #day6 #kim wonpil #wonpil #im so angsty #all that angst in here #dont kill me pls #hope you'll like this last piece!#see yall in dec :)

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moonlitoutpost · 6 years

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The Paragon Conundrum

Epic Games recently announced that it would be opening a treasure trunk of high quality assets for free-use on the Unreal Engine, from their visually applauded, yet rarely played game Paragon. This news comes in the wake of official notice that the game would be closing its doors in late April. Combined, this headline has ignited a wave of passionate people to start their own projects and efforts to preserve this playground where so many memories have been shared. Whether that be through attempting to recreate a parallel rendition or by sculpting a new evocation. Regardless: the floodgates have officially been opened. The materials are there, and the architects are at the ready. It’s a rare moment when the drive to create is met with the exact ingredients that one would really want. It’s a strange opportunity. Unlike a board game missing a few bits and bobs; a bout of Clue with Colonel Mustard and the candlestick suspiciously absent, all the pieces are in play and all it will take is for the right people to set it up. In any other scenario, without Epic's blessing, this would be a fast track to getting a cease and desist. For what a month ago seemed to be a closed book, now suddenly seems to be a lot more open ended. With a lot of different projects, each with different goals, the question that’s begged is what will be learned from the past?

Over the course of a Sergio Leon’s endorsed development period, Paragon adopted a somewhat of an open door policy, often turning to the players to get their feedback. While beneficial in some regards, it also acted as a double edged sword, leading to any significant change feeling as though it were controversial. The game found itself in the midst of an identity crisis when it made a major overhaul in May 2017, revamping many core systems and changing many tentpole design principles. You could be mistaken to thinking the versions were two separate games, resembling more sisters not twins.

As time went on, the divide in the community remained ever-present throughout the various iterations, never quite recovering. The people playing it were often at odds with the people making it, essentially boiling down to two schools of thought. The first: who hooked their sled to the revamped, faster paced, streamlined, product touted by Epic as the way of the future, and believed that while not perfect, it was a step in the right direction. The second: those who adamantly disagreed with the new world order, feeling the changes made it more accessible, cheapening the overall experience, and longed for the drawn-out escapades and the auxiliary systems, in favor of being rewritten by the former

It really underscores the sour relationship between the player base and Epic games. The beta was plagued with these issues, despite the fact that not everyone saw them as issues.

Countless points of contention ran rampant:

An arcane deck system that more often than not kept new players from playing and only created busy work for those who weren’t initially turned away.

A never-quite-there travel system.

Having to find the in game items through random rolls, deterring anyone who was looking to take it serious in a competitive sense.

Stalemate inducing orb-prime dunks (Roshan equivalent/DOTA).

What the purpose of towers should represent

The concept of harvesters.

The speed of game ranging from hour plus matches to just barely 15ish minutes.

Having to pre-select items before a match which might have only found relevance in a thriving esports dynasty.

And balancing that often made comebacks difficult

The amount of disagreement throughout Paragon’s development stems from never having one unanimously celebrated version; a chimera at heart, always confused of what it should be. As dysfunctional during its roughest periods, as during its successful ones, it only makes it that much more difficult for someone looking to make a new one. If there’s nothing everyone can agree on, where are we going?

It requires someone with a steady hand to say ‘here’s what was good in last thing, and here’s how we can make it better’; a concept of course, that’s anything but unheard of. And for games, that’s especially true. It’s hard to ignore the connective DNA that runs between certain titles, or even certain auteurs. Whether it be the jump from King’s Field to the Soul series (FromSoftware-Miyazaki) or the evolution from Brendan Greene’s Day Z mod to his inignorable PUBG. In their heart, both knew that the original concept was sound, but maybe wasn’t mainstage ready. A few minor tweaks here and there, cutting the unnecessary, unneeded and unpolished, in a way that made it so good, in a way that protests, even demands, that you look again.

Taking the Paragon run with an acute eye, extensive play testing has been done. Now is the time to really look at something from an unbiased, point of view, and ask what will make this a good game? What they change and what ideas they retain will be integral in how this succeeds. And some of these things might be dealbreakers for the original audience these project’s are vying for.

There’s a handful of concurrent projects all developing in an effort to clot the void, and each shows that people have different thoughts of what they think it should be. For instance, there are a handful whose soul purpose is to produce a 1:1, carbon copy, specifically trying to recreate the nostalgia-paved utopia of the scraped original map. This also includes the Chinese Paragon servers, whose current standings are operating in a black-box capacity. To a different degree, there are others who desire to put they own spin on it and use Epic’s past work as a blueprint. One of the early ones is a single-man project run by user RocketMania, who appears to be spitting the difference, combining some of the released assets along with some original work.

Perhaps the most prominent group to lay claim to carrying the torch is Visionary Games, a rag tag collective of individuals, whose goal is to make a game inspired by Paragon. In our research, we found them quoted as saying “We are not remarking Paragon…We are making our own game learning from what Paragon did right and wrong”. (Discord PigMayor VKassistant) That’s what you want to hear from people making a spiritual successor, yet they still haven’t divulged what that entails. In an effort to forge their own path, they’ve also stated that they will not be using any of the original game assets, despite Epic’s allowance. While they're saying the right things, the picture is still a bit opaque.

It’s tough to make a game, no matter how experienced. But this poses a harder challenge than what it may already mean seen. For this to work, the developers/successors need to strike a zen like moment. They have to over come the hill that it has to be better than the last one, it also has to attract new people to it. It has to be similar but not too similar, different but not too different. Throw on top of that it's a MOBA, which requires a relatively large pool of players to draw from consistently, across multiple time zones, in order to even play the game in a reasonable clip for matches, that could run upwards of an hour, It's safe to say you have your work cut out for you.

But that's why it'd be a feel good moment for everyone if it worked out. The people wanted to you to have it, but the studio didn’t let you see it; too hot for tv and banned in your country. Opposed to just having one fan project to rally behind, you're now looking at 3+. Whereas a single game would have been the go-to destination of choice, Beggars are now being afforded to be choosers. If these games are able to overcome these obstacles then it's a real cool story, a real triumph with a history to it

For a community that gave the developers, for a game that they claimed to have loved, very little quarter when it came to making changes, would they be at all understanding of these potential caveats? We imagine it will be humbling for the people making it, and interesting for the people wanting to play it. Though the future is both open ended and unclear, these new iterations are giving the game a second wind. Everyone loves an underdog story, But not every underdog is necessarily a Rocky

—Originally written March 2018--

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neurotic-nimrod · 5 years

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Trinity Of Trinities (Israeli Wine, Part 1)

For a year and a half now, I’ve struggled.

It’s been that long since I had my feet on the ground among the vines in Israeli wine country, and until now I’d yet to write a word about the experience, apart from a few social media updates and the odd mini-review.

The mistake I’d made over that period of waiting? Thinking that there would be an appropriate time during which the political maelstrom that is Middle East politics would present a low-key time for me to simply be able to focus on the region’s wines themselves, without the specter of centuries upon centuries of conflict rearing its ghostly head obtrusively behind. And it’s just difficult to do that when you have visited vines that grow among former Lebanese army bunkers, or are surrounded by land mine warning signs, or that have turned up with the occasional IED among them. In that context, waiting for a quieter period of Israel in the national news before focusing on something as simple as vino doesn’t seem like a bad idea.

Buuuuuut… Fat chance. I may never see that time. And so I suppose this is the start of me trying to do a (very) small part of in taking matters into my own hands with giving Israel a bit of media focus that isn’t packed to the gills with cringe-worthy tales of damage to pride, property, and lives. Well, perhaps the writing will be cringe-worthy, but hopefully that’s the extent of it.

The author, adding a prayer to the Wall of Jerusalem (& still waiting for it to be answered)

Fortunately, Israel’s winemaking history surpases its history of conflict, both in terms of longevity and in interest. There is evidence of winmaking and (particularly along the Mediterranean coast) wine export dating back at least five thousand years. About seven hundred years of Muslim Ottoman influence slowed things down, buy by the 1880s a wave of Zionist immigrants, focused on farming, renewed and rejuvenated the region’s wine industry. Investment from the Rothschilds in France helped to modernize the industry here, and another wave, starting in about 2008, focused the fine wine scene mostly on Mediterranean grape varieties, and saw the development of more modernized marketing approaches.

And despite all of that, as Recanati winemaker Gil Shatsberg told me, “Israeli wine is not really defined yet…”

Israel has few formally defined AOC-style wine areas, few real AOC-styled rulesets and dictates for wine-growing and wine-making. After fifty centuries, there is no winemaking school, so stylistically Israeli fine wine “is like a fusion from all over the world,” according to Shatsberg (himself a UC Davis grad), with many in the industry studying abroad and bringing stylistic preferences and techniques back with them. This has, it seems to me, created a situation with unique potential in the wine world, provided that the rest of the world, and Israel itself, can get past the politics to allow it to properly bloom…

Racanati’s Gil Shatsberg

2016 Recanati Winery Marawi (Upper Galilee, $35)

In an industrial park that seems straight out of the 1980s sits Recanati winery, established as a thoroughly modern Kosher outfit in 2000 and that now exports to the USA and Rance, among other countries. At Recanati, Shatsberg deals with the larger issues facing Israeli wine-growing; namely, water access (a “sensitive issue” with strict enforcement, and grape ripeness. “It’s very easy to go over-ripe here,” warned Shatsberg; “a matter of three or four days at harvest can be crucial.” With all of the focus on modernization at Recanati, it’s interesting that perhaps their most interesting wines focus on nearly lost, indigenous, ancient grape varieties that survived the Ottoman times by being used for table grape consumption. Marawi is one such project, a grape found growing wild, and then (with funding from a Palestinian grower) was analyzed in Milan and found to have a unique DNA profile. This version is lean, clean, and very mineral, with hints of citrus and white flowers. It’s rounded out texturally by lees contact, toastiness, and a heaping of saline notes. A better option with Mediterranean seafood would be difficult to procure.

2015 Recanati Winery Special Reserve White (Galilee, $45)

A Roussanne/Marsanne blend, this is Recanati’s premium white, and it’s true to its Rhone roots: oily, floral, tropical, rich, well-integrated, peachy, and damned sexy. The finish is toasty, long on the stone fruitiness, consistent, and just right on point. Having all of that minerality is a nice bonus. There’s a lot of wow factor here.

2015 Recanati Winery Lebanon Vineyard Special Reserve (Galilee, $65)

This Cabernet, according to Shatsberg, required something unique even among the often unique requirements of fine wine growers: the intervention of the UN. Harvest is done at night, opposite the Lebanese mountains (which provide a cooling influence). The Israeli army patrols during harvest as well. Maybe some of that tension makes a spiritual appearance in the wine itself, which has both grit and great freshness, along with smoke, herbal spcies, minerals, and gorgeously ripe cassiss fruit.

Vered Ben Sa’adon of Tura Winery

2017 Tura Estate Winery ‘Mountain Vista’ Gewürztraminer (Shomron, $27)

“Every day is a miracle,” intoned Vered Ben Sa’adon when I visited the boutique winery founded in the 1990s by her and husband (and also winemaker) Erez in Shomron, an area known for producing wine for Jerusalem about two thousand years ago. Ancient fortification ruins have been found in the region, probably placed there to guard farming. Despite the auspicious history, the Ben Sa’adon couple have had to overcome the kind of challenges that make boring days probably seem much like small miracles.

Originally from Holland, Erez’s grandmother survived the Holocaust; she views wine as “the best Jewish answer that we could give” to overcoming turmoil. “I’m a religious woman from this are, it was not easy,” explained Vered when I visited as part of a media tour. “Everyone wanted to ignore me. But we have fifty medals from the world, and they can’t ignore us anymore.” Adding to the challenges of religion and sexism is the fact that Tura is kosher (with their labels sporting both Gregorian and Jewish calendar vintage years, so that some of the wines are from 3760, for example), but in a small space that also has to accommodate non-kosher visitors. Their solution: a sort of loophole in the “two seals” rule; with a double-lock over their barrels, making them likely the only kosher winery where someone like me can actually touch some of the equipment.

And then, there are the terrorist bombs. Three of them, which according to Vered exploded in their vineyards in Mt. Gerizim about fifteen years after planting (near a formerly Sumerian area acquired after the Six Days War). Makes things like the occasional vineyard black widow or rattlesnake seem kind of tame, doesn’t it?

So maybe the miracle is that they can make any wine at all, let alone excellent wines. Their Gewürztraminer is chock full of lychee, ripe stone fruits, florals, and sports a rich palate of tropical fruits, astringency, plantains, and excellent balance between its sweet and dry sides, all elegantly belying the struggle of its production.

2015 Tura Estate Winery ‘Mountain Heights’ Cabernet Sauvignon (Shomron, $42)

Seeing nearly two years in French oak, and hailing from twenty year old vines, this is an elegant Cabernet that mind remind some of the better incarnations from Chile. Dried and green herbs, ripe dark plums, wood spice, a toasty finish, and full of power. It’s young now, and grippy, but still accessible and finely crafted.

2014 Tura Estate Winery ‘Mountain Heights’ Merlot (Shomron, $44)

Almost two years of mostly new French oak give this plenty of sweet wood spice, but there’s no subduing those black plums and black olives. Everything is silky here, but with a nice hit of acid to give it some backbone, and hints of wet stone to give the nose some complexity. So… a wine that is hard to resist.

Zeev Dunia of Seahorse

2017 Sea Horse Winery ‘James’ Chenin Blanc (Israel, $NA)

Zeev Dunia is diminutive only in stature; otherwise, he’s like a towering force of nature. A former filmmaker, since 2000 Dunia oversees winemaking at Seahorse, producing about 25,000 bottles per year from eight acres of organic, low-yielding, high-density-planted vines. Much of his end product is French-inspired, and named after artists or other figures Dunia admires. In the case of his Chenin (a variety in which, Dunia claims, he was involved in getting produced in Israel in the first place), it’s Ronnie James, former head winemaker of Tzora Winery and one of his mentors. I tasted it from barrel sample, and it was peachy, broad, pure, long, textural, and lovely.

2015 Sea Horse Winery ‘Pure Ku’ Counoise (Israel, $NA)

“Israel is an impossible country from all sorts of possible views,” Dunia told me; one of which happens to be acquiring grape plantings, due to the country’s agricultural restrictions. In 2010, importation from certain vine nurseries was permitted, and Dunia “saw on the list Cinsault and Counoise, and it was like a kid in Toys R Us fpr the first time!” This is 100% Counoise, spicy, meaty, mineral, salty, juicy, savory, and pure. Favoring zest and spice rather than complexity, but that won’t stop you from falling for its tangy loveliness.

2013 Sea Horse Winery ‘Romain’ Red (Israel, $NA)

A GSM blend at heart, augmented with Dunia’s toy-store-shopping-spree Cinsault and Counoise. Chewy, dark, leathery, and very, very spicy on the nose, there’s more meaty richness on the expressive palate. Hints of stone and flowers come later. Uniquely characterful, much like its winemaker.

Cheers!

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Copyright © 2016. Originally at Trinity Of Trinities (Israeli Wine, Part 1) from 1WineDude.com - for personal, non-commercial use only. Cheers! Source: http://www.1winedude.com/trinity-of-trinities-israeli-wine-part-1/

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wanderinglotus7 · 5 years

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Educated and Blessed

May 4th, 2019 “May the fourth be with you”

This date has another significance other than being a Star Wars reference. On May 4th, the Class of 2019 graduated from Bridgewater College. I graduated from college y’all!!!! I’m proud to say I graduated with my Bachelor of Science in Psychology with a double minor in Social Work and Cultural Studies. Though I wasn’t I able to cross the stage [because I’m still abroad] I was there in spirit. They still said my name during commencement. The road hasn’t been easy, yet, I crossed the finish line. This is not the end it’s a new beginning to a new chapter in my life.

These 4 years flew by fast. I thought high school was a blur. I knew my best my times weren’t going to be from high school, but from college. And I was right! College has been a tremendous blessing. I’m grateful I had the opportunity to attend a four year institution and earn my first degree among many more to come. I will always cherish my college experience and will never forget those whom made these memories most memorable. Honestly, there’s been moments were I didn’t see myself making it this far.

I always I knew I wanted to go to college since I was young. I thought I would be attending an ivy league school like Harvard, Yale, or Princeton. As I got older, I thought I was going to school in Florida, New York, Tennessee, D.C., or Maryland. The sky was the limit! My academics were impressive, I was highly active in school and in the community; my overall resume was impressive for college applications. By junior year, my mail box and email became flooded with letters/mail from various colleges from up and down the east coast. So many choices I didn’t know were to begin.

Maneuvering college was difficult, however, the process of actually applying was even more difficult. I did had some assistance but, I manly did all the footwork to get accepted into the colleges of my choice myself. I did my own research, made some connections, and established the foundation to get me from point A to point B. I still faced challenges like anyone else. Money! Everything cost money! How was I going to afford my education? Since the 6th grade, I knew money was going to be my biggest obstacle I’ll have to overcome to expand my education. My family is not rich rich. It’s like Good Times; we were making it day by day. Me and my mother had our share of struggles and this was one thing I didn’t want my mother to be burden with. College was for me and I felt like it is my responsibility to pay for it. Even if it means taking out loans or sacrifice some of my choices. With the Lord’s assistance, I was rewarded various scholarships, grants, and help from the government with funding my education.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. At the end of the day, I ended up applying to Bridgewater College, Mary Baldwin College, and Longwood University. I did plan on applying to Virginia Commonwealth University and James Madison University but, I never finished completing the application (I was burnt out by that point from applying to those institutions, writing essays for scholarships, and finishing high school). I did visit all these schools except for Mary Baldwin. Ultimately, I decided to accept Bridegwater’s offer and started school Fall 2015. If you visit/tour the same college three or four times, then the school is meant to be. After the third visit, I knew in my heart that Bridgewater was going to be my new home for the next four years.

I was not the healthiest mentally, physically, and spiritually when I started my freshman year. Lowkey, I was using college as an escape from my current situation. I was running away from family and life stresses and childhood traumas. And being three hours away was the best distance I could place between myself and my demons. Just because I managed to remove myself from Gloucester didn’t mean my demons didn’t follow me to Bridgewater. Being in my own space allowed me to do a lot of self-reflection. I used my time to explore the darkest aspects of my personality and my life. I relieved and experienced new traumas. My stress levels were going overboard. I was lost in denial; I couldn’t accept reality! Freshman to Sophomore year, I spiraled further down the rabbit’s whole. Then it clicked! Reality is fucked up! My life was fucked up, and I couldn’t keep running anymore. At that moment, I decided and promised myself to seek professional. And I did receive help. Not only from Hunter, but also from other individuals, like Alex and my grandmother, who helped and supported me along this emotional journey.

I committed myself to a year of counseling to get my life back on track. My biggest lesson I learned was forgiving others and not to expect everyone to apologize. You have to forgive and let go not for the other person but, for your own personal healing. I had to forgive myself for abusing myself in self destructive ways; forgive myself for hating myself for so many years. With help, I learned who Alexus was and who Lexy is. I helped that frightened lost little girl whose been hiding in the dark for too long discover and come into the light. I learned that my flaws are what makes me unique and my past doesn’t define me; I have the power to define myself. I LEARNED HOW TO LOVE MYSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME! And good thing too because I was two days away from being involuntarily hospitalized. If that happened,maybe I wouldn’t have reached this milestone. For sure, I wouldn’t be in Bangkok right now.

I didn’t attend church much while at college but, I did attend some services and bible studies during my four years. Junior year was the year I reestablished my relationship with God. I grew up in the church my whole life but, most of my life distancing myself from him. On the outside, you wouldn’t think that because I was active in my church, but that doesn’t mean anything. You can still be in the church and still be lost. I was a misguided ghost until junior year. This was my spiritual relationship, my spiritual journey, I had to figure this thing out for myself...by myself. I began writing open letters to God, attending bible study, rereading the bible, and praying more. Then I found the love I’ve been searching for after having a weeks worth of mental breakdowns and ending that specific day with a panic attack. Now, my relationship with God is filled with warmth and happiness.

They are right; college is the time when you discover the real you. Like my favorite quote states, “Life is not about finding yourself, Life is about creating yourself”. And Bridgewater inspired me to create and write my own store. I established new friendships, maintained some old friendships, ended some relationships/friendships, and mended old wounds. I experienced some heartbreak but, I used those experiences to heal myself and make me stronger than allowing those individuals to have power over my life and remain broken. I discovered new passions/hobbies. Uncovered hidden talents. Turned my weaknesses into strengths and strengthened my strengths. I learned to use my voice, passion, and talents to protest against injustice and fight (advocate) for what I believe in. I’M TRULY EMBRACING THE BLACK QUEEN THAT I AM!

I would like to take this moment to say, “Thank you”, to everyone who supported me along this journey. And to those who were barley present or wasn’t there at all, you’ve missed out on a remarkable and beautiful person (story). I know thank you isn’t much but, THANK YOU mom for all the sacrifices you made for me and supporting me so, I can accomplish this goal. Thank you to my family and friends for being there as much as you could. THANK YOU to my teachers, coaches, professors, and many others that saw my potential and pushed me to exceed my limits; thank you for fueling my perseverance and presenting me with opportunities I could never imagine I would experience. THANK YOU God for not taking me when I pleaded with you on many different occasions. Thank you for loving me even when I despised, blamed, and hated you. Thank you for being patient, waiting for me to come back to you within my time frame.

This is not the end, it is only the beginning. I’m not finished yet, I’m still in the process of writing my story and it doesn’t end here. I want others to know that anything is possible as long as you’re determined and persistent. Never sell yourself short! Stop underestimating your potential, you’re meant for greatness. Things may get difficult but, God doesn’t give us anything that he doesn’t think we can’t handle. Those who struggle the most are the strongest warriors. If someone like me, a Black young woman who struggles with mental illnesses, lives in a single parent household from a small community, can earn their degree and study in a foreign country then it can be true for anyone else who wants better for themselves. Never allow others to dim your light; be the sunlight in someone else’s life as well as your own.

I entered college as Alexus, I became Lexy, and now, I’m discovering and leaving as Lex.

#Classof2019wordsofwisdom

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democratsunited-blog · 6 years

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Beto O’Rourke’s campaign may keep other Texas Democrats in his shadow

https://uniteddemocrats.net/?p=8358

Beto O’Rourke’s campaign may keep other Texas Democrats in his shadow

“Your Beto sign looks lonely.”

Joanna Cattanach texted those five words and a link to her campaign website to hundreds of voters — whose numbers she’d received from the Texas Democratic Party — in her Dallas-area state House district last month. The first-time candidate said she was motivated by the sea of distinctive black-and-white signs for El Paso Democrat Beto O’Rourke popping up in lawns all around her.

The gambit worked. Her campaign received 200 sign orders in the 24 hours after the text was sent out, she said.

It was just the latest example of the double-edged sword Cattanach and other Democrats running in down-ballot races — particularly those for state Legislature — are confronting amid the fervor O’Rourke’s bid to unseat U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz has sparked among the party’s base.

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“If there’s $20 in a room, $10 of it is going to Beto. That’s just happening right now,” said Cattanach, who’s challenging Republican state Rep. Morgan Meyer of Dallas this fall. “The rest of it goes, in order, to the congressional candidates, [state] Senate candidates and then, if you’re lucky, as a state House candidate you can get some of that too.”

With the 2018 midterms less than three months away, Cattanach and other Texas Democrats are facing an issue that’s not uncommon for candidates lower on the ballot: getting noticed when the name at the top of the ballot is getting the most attention.

What stands out this year, many candidates and operatives say, is the level of excitement O’Rourke is generating among the party’s base, a situation that has led to the U.S. Senate race dominating attention this summer — over virtually every other race on the ballot.

Despite the fanfare surrounding O’Rourke’s run, the race remains Cruz’s to lose. Texas hasn’t elected a Democrat statewide in nearly 25 years. Cruz won his Senate seat in 2012 by 16 points. Yet lower on the ballot, Democrats see races where a win is far more likely — if only they can get out of O’Rourke’s shadow.

But, as former Austin-based Democratic consultant Harold Cook points out, the only thing worse than having a popular name at the top of the ticket is not having one.

“If you have one Democrat that’s doing well, that’s going to help down-ballot races,” Cook said. “I can tell you that some Democrat in Texas is going to win a House seat who would not have won if Beto were not doing well at the top of the ballot. Beto is going to do whatever he can do to break up a straight-ticket Republican vote, and do a pretty good job increasing turnout.”

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In House District 134, Democrat Allison Lami Sawyer said she’s experiencing this tension between O’Rourke energizing local Democrats while also monopolizing their attention first-hand. Politically, the Houston-area district is viewed as a toss-up: Harris County went undeniably blue in 2016 and Sawyer is running against state Rep. Sarah Davis, R-West University Place, who is viewed as one of the most vulnerable Republicans in the state Legislature. But as Sawyer talks to Texans in her area, she said she’s finding it hard to keep the focus on her own race.

“It’s a major problem when you need to go and educate your own party about the subtleties of this race but you can’t get attention because Beto is so exciting,” Sawyer said in a recent interview with The Texas Tribune.

“A lot of Democrats down the ballot are worried that people will go in [to the polls] check ‘Beto’ and then leave the rest of the ballot blank,” she added.

At the national level, media outlets are pouncing on what they’re calling “Betomania,” an acknowledgment of the massive crowds that come to many of O’Rourke’s campaign events, his ability to connect with younger voters through social media and his hustle at garnering money, volunteers and attention in spite of his long-shot bid to outseat Cruz.

“Outside of El Paso, nobody had any real reason to pay attention to him,” said Cook, speaking of O’Rourke. While other Texas Democrats running for statewide office this year have struggled to fundraise and gain attention as viable competitors, recent polls show Cruz has a single-digit lead over his Democratic challenger. O’Rourke has helped boost interest in his bid by campaigning in every corner of the state, livestreaming much of it via Facebook.

“Most candidates put you back to sleep, but Beto did the opposite of that,” Cook added.

O’Rourke seems aware of how much of his party’s success this year in Texas is riding on his shoulders. While he’s received flak for not endorsing some fellow Texas Democrats — specifically Gina Ortiz Jones, who’s hoping to unseat a friend of O’Rourke’s, U.S. Rep. Will Hurd, R-Helotes, in one of Texas’ most competitive congressional races — he’s let lower-ballot candidates appear with him at events as he campaigns around the state. Over the weekend, most of the other Democratic statewide candidates joined O’Rourke on a swing through South Texas, speaking before him at “Musica con Beto” events that his campaign hosted in Laredo, McAllen and Brownsville.

“I want to make sure that wherever there’s an opportunity for these statewide candidates to meet the people who will decide their elections, that they get the chance to do that,” O’Rourke told reporters at a recent campaign event in Austin. “And I’m excited about the leadership that they’ll be able to provide this state.”

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Some compare the intense focus this year on the Cruz/O’Rourke race to what most candidates across the country dealt with in 2016, vying for the attention of voters absorbed by the presidential race between Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Hillary Clinton.

“When you have a presidential year you have the same problem. It’s just a struggle to get known,” said Jeff Crosby, a Democratic consultant in Texas, on the challenge for down-ballot candidates. “There’s not much news coverage from TV or newspapers, so you’ve got to go to where the people are. You can’t do something passive.”

Julie Johnson, a Democrat challenging Republican state Rep. Matt Rinaldi of Irving, said she’s blockwalking and holding various events in her community to make sure voters know about her platform. Though she thinks her approach is helping her effectively challenge Rinaldi, she said she’s heard from other candidates that the excitement for O’Rourke is making it hard for them to get resources, specifically local volunteers, for their own campaigns.

“There’s some competition,” she said. “Beto does an awesome job of reaching people, but they want to volunteer for the big and shiny [races]. There are some really worthy down-ballot candidates that are worth volunteering for as well.”

O’Rourke’s blockbuster fundraising — he’s raised over $20 million in his bid against Cruz — has coincided with a fundraising boom for several Texas Democrats running in U.S. House seats this year. Yet some candidates for the state Legislature think donors’ excitement about flipping Congress has crowded out support for lower-ballot races.

Crosby estimated a candidate running for a competitive seats in an urban Texas Senate district may need $2.5 million for the midterms. Nathan Johnson, a Democrat challenging Republican state Sen. Don Huffines of Dallas, raised $360,000 between the March 6 primaries and June 30. Though he declined to say how much he’s raised since then, he said his campaign is “on track fundraising-wise, but still has a lot of work to do.”

“There’s a great allure and a sex appeal to federal races that I think largely comes from all of us reading the national newspapers,” he said. “People regard state politics as lower office or less important. In terms of competing for money, we have to overcome less spotlight and the presumption that these are inexpensive races.”

Even some Republicans consultants think down-ballot candidates have reason to worry about the focus on O’Rourke’s campaign against Cruz.

“If I were the Democrats, I’d be putting a lot more energy into competitive state House and state Senate races and stuff down the ballot. They have a real opportunity,” said Brendan Steinhauser, an Austin-based GOP strategist. “But that’s what happens, right? These big races do take up a lot of the time and energy of the volunteers and the money of the donors, and it’s going to be really, really difficult for any Democrat to win statewide — even O’Rourke.”

“So if I was a Democrat, I’d be saying, “I’m a state House candidate. I’ve got a shot to win. This race is competitive and if I just had $50,000 of what O’Rourke got, I can probably win this thing,” he added.

Yet for all the frustration some Democrats may have at being overshadowed by O’Rourke, many candidates are also using it to their advantage whenever possible.

Julie Johnson said she recently recruited nearly 100 volunteers at a local O’Rourke rally. Ana-Maria Ramos, a Democrat challenging Republican state Rep. Linda Koop of Dallas, said she’ll reach out to voters in her district who already have O’Rourke’s yard signs — like Cattanach has already done with some success in a nearby district.

“I’ll take the movement because we need the energy. God, we need the energy at the top. Imagine if we didn’t have him. Who else would be our energy?” Cattanach asked. “I need him to be energetic and to do everything he can to excite our midterm nonvoters because it helps me.”

Since the primaries, Cattanach has raised more than $100,000. Like her success in targeting those with O’Rourke signs in their yards, she’s also hitting up the broader pool of donors to the El Paso Democrat.

“All of Beto’s financial reports are public, so we call his donors in House District 108 and remind them that the down-ballot candidate is here. The message that we send is that if you want Beto elected, then you need to elect me too,” she added.

Patrick Svitek contributed to this report.

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