#wouldn't say they don't *deserve* their own posts. they just look better together than separate

[wasyago]

another patch of random things

[jiminsass-istant]

???

I never ever said JK was forced. Infact even cleared it in my last post you have quoted. (Do you not read?) But I stand by the fact that his schedule was too much. Members RM and Jimin were not concerned that JK didn't have time, they were concerned about his HEALTH. He was partially sick when he was promoting Seven too. You could hear it in his performance. But since he's an amazing vocalist, he still managed to sound great. Listen to BBC lounge live, that's not JK's top condition at all.

And we saw how much he was flying everywhere. Obviously he wouldn't if he didn't have the ambition and motivation to do so. If you remember, Seven happened when JK suddenly received the song and liked it. You can't tell me that Golden was already planned by then. Infact they hadn't even planned for 11 songs in the album. So i stand by the fact that Golden was made in a hurry. And hence the promotions were all crammed up. That is exactly what you call as bad planning. Obviously JK did it because he wanted to and pushed himself to deliver. And it wouldn't be the first time bts have pushed themselves to their limits.

I have said at least 10 times now, that my issue is with Bangpd and his team. If i was in his place, I would have put together a better plan for him. Idk how, but that's THEIR job.

Secondly, about Golden. Please look at the other 5 albums and compare them conceptually. You can't tell me Golden has a better concept than any of the other 5 albums. (Not including jin because it was a single song) And no! This is not JK shade. This is a combination of personal opinion and objective facts. Golden was a commercial album with the sole purpose of establishing JK as a solo artist in the US. In the short time period, that's all they could do. Golden's concept was literally "Jungkook"- visually. But he himself said lyrics are not autobiographical. So it's almost an irony to me. So is it about JK or not? Golden refers to Golden maknae but the songs are not about him? That itself makes it clear that it was a commercial album with the aim of promoting JK as a solo artist.

About euphoria- I wasn't in the fandom at that time, so idk about the backlash. I like the song , especially the DJ swivel remix.

About Jimin's ' rumoured' all english project, if that happens and Jimin gets no credits anywhere, i am gonna be critical. I'm not gonna lie. If that happens , you can come back and check my review lol.

I am critical of artists who don't have any credits in their own song. It takes away from their artistry. No matter how big they are. If you don't connect with your lyrics in some way, (even if you didn't write them), how are you going to build a connection with your audience?? Like..this was the lyrics in 'Too sad to dance'--

"Pops"? it's such an American term, I can't even..

That is not something JK would say, like ever.

Dynamite was extremely American too, but it was literally a tribute to American pop culture and bts were pretty open about it. The basketball, the disco, MJ inspired choreo, "keep your eyes on the ball"? It's like spending a day watching American TV. It was 2020, everybody was rotting at home and BTS literally said "Hi America, let us remind you about how fun your pop- culture is! Now get up and dance!" I found it hard to like Dynamite until i realised that it was literally BTS knocking at US's door, wearing US outfits, doing US things- like topping charts. That song is literally a statement. Anyway, I'll save my love-hate rant about Dynamite for some other day.

I know that no matter how much I separate my views on Golden from my views on Jungkook, people will still think I'm shading him.

Jungkook deserves all the achievements he's getting, not just because of his solo chapter, but because of the 10 years worth of blood, sweat and tears he has put in and built a huge fanbase.

And that's why I still trust him and BTS members to give us good, heartfelt music. That's why I'm still anticipating JK's future releases and hoping for more.

Anon, you also addressed someone in your ask who has their asks off, so I'll just put your ask here without mentioning them-

About creative input. Again, absence of credits doesn't mean creative input is zero. But of course, it was not enough for him to be credited. Which means the songs were not made from scratch with him. Tae also had zero credits, but definitely had creative inputs. But somehow, his album sat very nicely in the niche of his genre. It represented everything about Tae. The whole mood, even the songs.

Jk is capable of making melodies, getting involved in production and even lyrics if he tries. And that's why my expectations were high.

And anon, thanks for mentioning the festa thing. Why do you think his older collection of songs were not chosen for his solo debut? Why was that solo project that he was excited about not released? It seemed like he had songs ready too. Definitely not Golden's songs.

Maybe those songs will be released in JJK2?! But why do you think so many things changed? Hint: scooter.

Scooter wanted to bring his producers, his connections into it. And Jungkook's ambitions to be a big global popstar fell right into his hands. Do you think Scooter would promote a project so massively which he didn't help create? The answer is no. And if those songs were Korean, Scooter would be even more unwilling to provide such a focused promotion to a solo artist.

I genuinely want JK to release stuff that he deeply immerses himself in ( which includes credits and concepts). Because I'm selfish and I want to feel connected too.

EDIT: Had more thoughts after this post that i realised after better thinking- Click here

Also anon if you still feel like fighting, just block and move on. I get like 5 likes on my opinions. You don't need to fight it if you don't understand.

[bbugyu]

if you wanted to go to the moon, he would take you there.

plot twist | crash zoom | happy ending

16.1k (lol) | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, suggestive, reader is ace lol, youtuber au, chef au, swearing, drinking, detailed descriptions of meals, mentions of past trauma including sexual assault, i swear it's not that deep, lots of implied sex but none on screen (yet), watching movies and playing video games, yes i am trying to set up all my friends, would anyone get it if i said r&r

welcome to part two of classic!! please enjoy this tooth rotting relationship garbo in which i basically announce to the world that i have a disgusting crush on joshua. posting this later than intended but i started working five tens so i'm 😅 a little tired lol. but joshua makes it ok <3

when you mentioned offhandedly that you had never had bibimbap in jeonju, joshua practically dropped the groceries he was helping you bring up the elevator.

"how long have you been in korea?" he asked.

you looked at him, wide eyed. "four years?"

he squinted at you, jutting his jaw out. "and you've never gone to jeonju? it's, like, the food hub of korea. how the hell?"

"i…" you laughed, exiting the elevator when the doors opened. "i don't know? it's never been top priority, i guess?"

"okay, well it is now," he stated plainly, following you to your door while you adjusted your bags in your hands to punch in the code. as soon as the groceries were safely on your counter, he pulled out his phone. "friday to sunday?"

you looked up from the vegetables in your hands. "what?"

he looked at you. "we're going. this weekend? i need to reserve the ktx tickets."

you laughed. "this weekend? joshua, it's wednesday."

"okay, next weekend?"

you stared at him a second, purely because you were in disbelief. "no, i have a demonstration next saturday."

he exhaled, looking at the calendar on his phone. "okay, and jamie's birthday party is the weekend after, so," he paused, looking at you through his lashes. "this weekend?"

you pushed your hands onto the counter and sighed heavily. "when would we leave?"

he grinned, knowing that meant he had won you over. "after i get off work? i can be here by 3:30."

"how long is the train?"

"uhh," he quickly searched for the tickets. "two hours. less than. we can buy snacks for the ride and have dinner when we get there."

you chewed your lip. "i have to edit on sunday, so we can't stay all day."

he nodded, inspecting the time table for tickets. "stay two nights, leave after breakfast?"

you considered that for a second. "i could bring my laptop and export footage on the train."

a smile crept across his face when you puffed out your cheeks in thought. "is that a yes?"

your cheeks deflated as you exhaled. "fine."

"yeah?" joshua grinned at you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and tugging you into his chest. "jeonju this weekend?"

you exhaled again, your arms reluctantly winding around his torso. "yeah. jeonju this weekend."

"you're gonna love it," he said, pressing his lips against your temple. "i helped on an article about hole in the wall finds there years ago, so i know all the good spots."

you giggled, pulling away to look at him with a quirked eyebrow. "you used to write for the magazine?"

he shook his head at you. "when i was interning."

"aw," you poked at his cheek. "intern joshie?"

he rolled his eyes, separating himself from you as you giggled, and he looked at you slyly from the corner of his eye. "joshie?"

you grinned, reaching out to pinch his cheeks. "joshie!"

he laughed and batted away your hands. "joshie?"

you: i think i'm finally packed

joshie: i don't understand why it was so difficult when we're going for Two Days.

you: 😡

joshie: 😘

as promised, he arrived at your apartment in a cab and stubbornly took your roller suitcase despite your insistence that you could handle it. joshua was always doing things like this - for you, you imagined, he would probably even lay down his jacket in a puddle so you wouldn't have to walk through it. but at the same time, he wouldn't fault you for kicking his jacket aside and purposefully jumping in it instead. he would probably join you, even.

he had joked with you that this would be like a work trip for you, but only because he was the one that suggested you film - plus, he reminded you, filming a full video this weekend meant that you didn't have to film next week. and to be perfectly frank, you wanted the break. if you could have a weekend getaway with joshua and then a week long break to have a normal routine without a camera, it was a win-win.

equipped with coffee and cafe sandwiches, you casually kicked your feet and happily sipped at your americano as you edited a picture of it for your instagram story. joshua sat beside you, also doing something on his phone, and you watched him with no intention as he pulled his airpods out of his coat jacket and offered one to you. you looked at him, smiling when he gestured with the open case again.

"i made a playlist," he said quietly as you put the airpod into your ear. he took the one you left and did the same, tapping on his phone.

the thought of joshua hearing a song and thinking of you making your chest flutter to life, the heat rising through you until you were left in a comfortable glow, smiling softly at him as a melody started in your ear. he looked back at you, double taking slightly when he realized you were looking at him.

"what's that look for?" he asked, a sideways grin breaking his face in half.

you shook your head, unable to change your face. "that's, just... really nice."

"making a playlist?" he hummed, settling back in his seat as you stuck your straw between your lips. "i didn't consciously do it. i just started a list of songs to show you because i thought you would like them, and this ended up being a good time to share it."

you sighed dramatically, falling back against the window of the train. "that's even nicer, you dickhead!" he laughed, shushing you and looking around, worried someone might have understood your slightly-above-inside-voice exclamation. "i know for a fact i didn't do anything to deserve the sweetest, handsomest, loveliest boyfriend on the planet, so what's the catch, mr. hong?"

his eyes went to the ceiling as he thought, kneading his lips once before saying, "i think you forgot funniest, too."

"ah," you said, a dry chuckle following the realization. "that's the catch."

"hey!" he laughed, eyes big as he pretended to be offended. "i know i'm funny!"

you giggled with him, mentally noting that you liked the song that he was playing. that he must have somehow picked up on why you liked the music you did. you thought about how you had the same thought, sometimes, when you were listening to music alone in your room and a song popped up on your discovery that sounded like something he would listen to. how you would immediately text them to him, knowing you would forget if you didn't send it right away, and he would react with some assortment of positive emojis. how he must have been doing the same thing, but wanted to be there when you heard them, and didn't have the same flighty memory as you. you brought your straw to your lips again, staring after him as he adjusted something in his bag, taking too long to refocus your attention to story you had been trying to post.

he later nudged you, getting your attention as you responded to an email on your phone, gesturing his finger with the melody, and you gave him a childlike look of awe, as if to tell him that yes, you agreed, this was exactly the kind of run you really enjoyed. he pounded a fist against his knee at the beats, pointing up at the key change, and you exploded into a stifled laugh, your palm covering your mouth. he laughed with you before he showed you the now playing page on his phone, holding it open dutifully as you quickly searched for it to add to your own library.

as promised, joshua provided great insight for the food tour the two of you set out on. travel day, he had told you, meant that you would have something easy - bibimbap and makgeolli at two of the best places he knew, apparently. by the time you made it back to the hotel room you had checked into before headed to the bar, you just about collapsed onto the queen bed.

"i'm so full," you exhaled, eyes dancing across the ceiling. "i'm never gonna move again."

joshua just laughed at you, toeing both of your shoes aside at the door before shuffling into slippers. "we have a full day of eating tomorrow, so you better move."

you let our a breathy laugh, rolling your head to watch as he flopped onto the bed beside you. "i'm glad you also plan trips around the meals."

he gave you a puzzled look. "is there another way to plan a trip?"

you rolled onto your side, tucking your arm under your head to look at him. "some people like sightseeing. or activities."

his brows were still ruffled in confusion as he looked away from you. "i like looking at food. and the activity of eating food."

you giggled, and his face finally broke to reveal the bewilderment had been a bit all along, his smiling laugh meeting yours.

you walked a lot the next day, and you were grateful for the light exercise to help your digestion a bit between meals. the local famous kalguksu for breakfast, a visit to a cafe for coffee before walking down a historical street together. you filmed with a smile on your face, shaking your americano for camera with a colorful background, just for you to pull down the drink and let the beautiful buildings and trees take the focus.

joshua could watch you forever, he was pretty sure. watching you conceptualise what you wanted this out of the ordinary video to look like, seeing the way you managed to be present with him, joking and giggling on your scenic walk, but squeezed his hand in warning before letting go, telling him quietly you wanted to get a shot. he had seen the way you filmed food, and how you filmed your kitchen, which was incredible in its own right, but this was the first time he got to see your process on the fly. when you went to work, as it were, taking in your scenery and deciding the way you wanted to portray it - more thought went into this than filming at the same barbeque restaurant for the fifth time, but joshua saw the similarities in the way your eyes twinkled when you saw something through your camera lens for the first time, even if only the first time that day. the way you would review the footage quickly, smiling at the way it turned out, but announcing that you were taking a second shot for safety.

then, he took you to another restaurant.

you barely noticed the passage of time, but when he conveniently "happened" upon the next stop on your food tour, you were pretty sure your stomach growled at the thought of eating an insane amount of dumplings, and you smiled at him in a way that made him want to cause it constantly.

if having your pick at dumplings was enough to make you giddy like a child, the night market was life altering. the food stalls were set up like they always were friday and saturday nights, joshua told you, and that meant you got to experience korean street food in a way you hadn't yet. you found the best pad thai you had ever eaten, succumbed to the tempting smell of grilled squid when passing a busy stall, and you even got served alcohol practically in passing, the specialty liquor being offered in a way that was hard for either of you to say no to. after a few too many, you had to stop joshua before he dragged you to a choco pie stall.

"we should eat more first," you said, gesturing to a woman making hashbrowns on a griddle. "while we have free hands. loop back around for dessert and buy some for the road."

joshua tapped his nose, then wagged his finger at you. "smart and hot."

you laughed, pulling him towards the hashbrown stall.

that night, you laid in bed beside each other, talking like you hadn't just spent literally the entire day together. recalling highlights of the day, sharing related anecdotes with assorted friends and family. you didn't even want to sleep - your body did, sure, clearly, by the way it kept interrupting your conversation with yawns. joshua would laugh, then yawn in response, and tell you that you should sleep. you would shake your head, a pout on your lips, and he would just smile and keep talking about whatever the yawn had interrupted.

being in bed with joshua wasn't demanding, nor was it uncomfortable, and you were pretty sure that meant something good.

you were making curry. he had mentioned that it looked good while you were watching some show the week prior and you couldn't get it out of your head. so, even though it was midsummer and far too warm for something as hearty as japanese curry, you decided you needed to make it anyway, if only for your own peace of mind. you invited joshua over to cook dinner for him, and he asked where your camera was when he arrived with your requested potatoes (you had some, except they were older than you thought and started sprouting), but you told him you weren't filming tonight.

"this ones for us," you said matter of factly, giggling when he looked shocked. "i don't film every meal, y'know. sometimes i cook things just for me."

he watched you dump the potatoes into the sink to wash. "what if it ends up being really pretty?"

"josh," you said, looking at him. "i don't make things that aren't pretty."

he asked if you needed help with anything, but you just shook your head and told him to relax. that you had made this a million times, and that you could do it with your eyes closed. he asked again if you were sure, and you laughed, scrubbing potatoes and using your shoulder to get your hair out of your face.

"actually," you said, raising the wrist on which you kept a hair tie. "do you know how? my hands are wet."

joshua smiled and nodded, coming over and pulling the tie off your wrist, careful to not get it too wet on your hand. "how high?"

"ariana," you said, making him laugh as you giggled. "as high as you can manage, but i don't really care."

he just smiled, taking your hair in his hands as you washed the potatoes one by one, and you tried to ignore the way you heart skipped a beat when you felt his touch drift across the back of your neck. he gently gathered it all in one palm at the crown of your skull, brushing through it with his fingers. "here?"

"perfect," you said, chewing your cheek and smiling. he pulled the band over your hair, tying it off tightly and pulled at the hair gently to keep it in place.

his hands glided over your waist, leading his arms to wrap around you as his chin landed on your shoulder. "not too tight?"

you shook your head, smiling. "you're multi talented."

"i have a sister," he reminded you, then put a kiss on your cheek.

you managed to convince him to sit at the counter, and he smiled and laughed with you as you conversed about anything that came to mind. he talked about his latest work antics, and you told him about a café you found the day before that you really enjoyed. he watched you skillfully chop vegetables and prepare chicken, flitting around your kitchen with a familiarity that could only be fostered by time. he glanced at the time on his phone, then looked at the door behind him that led to a bedroom.

"is karol here?" he asked. she normally would have emerged to say hi by now.

you looked at him before going back to pan frying the chicken. "no, she's in busan this weekend with some friends. she'll be back sunday night."

an alarm went off in joshua's head, and he tried not to think too deeply about the fact that you had invited him over while your roommate was away. sex hadn't even been a discussion on the table yet, but not because joshua didn't want it - because, frankly, he wanted it - he was just more concerned about you and your wants. for most things, he felt as though he had learned your thoughts and opinions naturally over the last few months, but outside of a few passing jokes, you hadn't ever mentioned how you felt about sex in general, much less sex with him.

so he stared at you, suddenly unable to ignore the fact that you were wearing shorts because of the weather, but they were hidden under the hem of the neutral toned apron he saw in your videos every week. or the way you smiled at him as you talked, your eyes glinting with mischief when you made a joke at his expense, but only made him laugh and want you more. he stood and came around the island, standing with his hip against the counter as the two of you continued conversing and you added the roux cubes to the pot.

his eyes never left you or your actions, and you noticed the way he inched towards you as your cooking became less involved and began to wrap up. you didn't argue when he put his arms around you again, watching you stir the curry with his cheek against your ear. he wasn't in your way, not even when you reached over to pull a spoon out of a drawer to give it a taste and make sure the seasonings were right, so you instead just enjoyed his presence.

you hummed, licking your lips briefly as you appraised the flavor. "not bad," you said, using the ladle you had been cooking with to pour more into the spoon you had just used to taste. you blew on it, then displayed it for joshua, who looked at you in his peripherals before accepting the bite.

"oh, wow," he said, making you giggle as you put the spoon aside. "that's better than a restaurant."

"thanks," you said, tapping the ladle on the side of pot to get the excess back in the pot, a spot of sauce landing on the back of your hand. you put it on the spoon rest next to your stovetop and replaced the lid on the pot of curry, quickly turning the burner to low. "now we just wait for the rice to pop," you said, spinning in his grip and licking the spot off the back of your hand.

joshua stared at you, desperately wishing in that moment that he wasn't such a damn man, because it was clear in your eyes that it was a completely innocent action. you got some of the delicious sauce on your hand, so why would you wipe it off when a towel wouldn't appreciate it like your tongue would? you wouldn't, obviously. he wouldn't have, either, if it had been his hand. but here he was, gaze fixed on your mouth as you pulled your hand away from it, and one of your eyebrows raised when you noticed.

"can i help you?" you asked, glancing down at his lips when he involuntarily leaned into you.

"i-" he swallowed. "sorry, i'm just-"

in that moment, you registered what his gaze meant. and while you were fairly oblivious to most things, you were far from innocent, so you put your arms over his shoulders and knit your fingers in his hair. "you're just?" you prompted.

there was a chuckle on his lips as he backed you against the counter, and he shook his head lightly. "i just think it's insane how into you i am."

joshua had this way of kissing you that made you think his life depended on it. he kissed you like you were in the final scene of an apocalyptic movie and he had come to terms with the fact that this was the end. like he knew that if your lips left his, he would magically disappear before he could tell you how much you meant to him. like he could stop time as long as he had you pressed against him with his hand on your jaw, but the sun was setting and he wasn’t ready to say good night.

when he finally pulled away from you, you were trying to catch your breath as his hands ran down your waist, and you stared into his eyes. his lips were parted, and his fingers gripped at your hips in a way that you knew meant he wished there were less layers between your skin.

your mind raced, thinking quickly back to how long the two of you had been seeing each other. how long you had known that you were interested in keeping joshua around for the long term. you wracked your brain, thinking about when people normally took the next step at your age, finding a discrepancy in the timing. you had made him wait for so long, but this was the first time you had noticed him trying to bed you - though, this was hardly subtle, so perhaps you had missed signs earlier? hell, the two of you had even shared a bed at this point, but you were pretty sure he hadn't tried anything then, either. you considered the fact that this relationship had gone for over two months without so much as a hint to take the next logical step, and you decided that joshua was definitely the only guy you had met in years that you would be willing to allow under your covers.

"the curry can sit for," you started, blinking rapidly as your mouth caught up to your mind. you swallowed once. "well, until tomorrow, technically, but-"

joshua's lip quirked upward. "did you invite me over to have me stay the night?"

"not-" you exhaled. his tone was slightly accusatory, but only playfully, and you found yourself more flustered by the question than you would have liked. "not consciously, but…" your eyes studied his face. "do you want to?"

"are you kidding?" he asked, making you breathe out a laugh, his forehead landing on yours. "did you not hear me when i said i was insanely into you?"

the rice cooker beeped, drawing both of your attention as it sang out a small tune to alert you it was finished. you looked at joshua. "are you hungry?"

he looked back at you, a smile sneaking on his lips. "i mean, working up an appetite wouldn't hurt, right?"

he let you lead him to your bedroom, which he had only been in once, briefly, when he had helped you put some lights away. the two of you admittedly spent most of your time in kitchens or restaurants, the remainder of your alone time being split between joshua's car and a couch to watch a movie, but joshua thought your taste suited his as he glanced around again, and that he would happily lose time in bedrooms with you. you kissed him again, and he was quick to pull you against his body, leaning into you, making you giggle as you bent backwards at the hips. "josh."

"what?" he asked, giving you a half lidded smile as his hand found your jaw, pulling you back into him. "stop leaning back and i'll stop chasing you."

"i'm-" you giggled into the kiss he interrupted you with. "i'm not leaning back, you're pushing me."

joshua made you feel like you were out of your depth, but in a way that was more exciting than scary. it had been ages since someone had been able to surprise you, or had helped you surprise yourself, but today he was doing both. the last time you had let a man into your heart, it had been less than perfect, especially towards the end, but joshua felt like home. cozy. he made you feel safe. like he wouldn't let you fall backwards unless your mattress was waiting for you.

and when you fell, he crawled over you, connecting your lips again with a hand against your jaw, the other holding himself above you, and you tried to restrain a whine.

"josh," you said suddenly, pushing on his chest lightly, processing fully what was about to happen and a shot of anxiety running through your chest. "c-can i tell you something first?"

joshua paused his motions, studying your eyes, his expression skewing scared. "oh, shit, are you a virgin?"

"what?" your eyebrows creased, a laugh on your lips. "no, what the fuck, josh? i'm in my mid-twenties."

he blinked at you. "there would be nothing wrong with you if you were a virgin in your mid-twenties."

"i'm not a virgin, joshua."

"right," he shook his head slightly. "sorry, i don't know. what were you saying?"

you chewed at your cheek nervously. "i just. i haven't… been with a guy in a really long time."

his eyes examined your face, looking for a hint at what you meant, because if it was only what you were saying, he didn't understand why you were so worried. "okay?"

"like, really long," you reiterated.

"baby, i promise," he said, forehead against yours. "i promise you, i don't care."

you exhaled sharply, wishing you could just enjoy things normal people did. that you knew what people wanted out of these encounters innately, instead of having to overthink them. "like, i don't want to… i don't know. disappoint you."

"disappoint me?" his head bobbed backwards in shock. "how the hell could i ever be disappointed when you're you?"

your eyes shut, grateful that he could still make you smile when you felt so out of your league. "i just mean that i-" you paused, trying to figure out how much you were willing to say, and how much you could without ruining whatever mood had been fostered here. "i just don't really do this. like, i feel like i don't know how."

"baby," he said, pressing his lips to yours briefly. "honey, sweetie, darling," he continued, punctuating each name with quick pecks. "you could starfish and i would have the time of my life."

you laughed, a hand landing on his shoulder sharply as he smiled at you. "okay, i'm not that bad, jesus."

"i'm telling you," he assured. "i don't care. i don't care if it's been months or years or forever, i don't care." he paused, appraising your expression. "we don't have to do anything. i'd be happy to just kiss you for an hour and a half if you're not ready."

"no," you whined, crinkling your nose. "it's not that, i just…" you took a breath. "i might just need you to take it a little slow."

"well, baby, you're in luck," he said, giving you a teasing smirk as his lips closed in on yours again. "slow and steady is exactly how i want you."

karol had said you hated men. she hadn't been wrong. you hated a lot of men, and how they made you feel like a prisoner in your own body. you hated the men you had encountered in your past, who made you feel small and weak. ugly and only wanted for one purpose, disrespecting your boundaries, your presentation, and your being. you hated those men, and nothing would ever redeem them for you.

joshua was different, though. he wasn't like them, because even though you didn't say explicitly why you needed a little extra care, he was more than prepared to give it to you. without even needing specific direction, he paid special attention to your reactions. to your body. he waited until you were ready, and asking him for more. and even when he sheepishly admitted that he'd started carrying a condom in his wallet the month prior, you could only giggle and silently be overwhelmingly thankful that he was truly nothing like any man you had ever been with before.

you swore you had made the same recipe you always did, but your curry tasted sweeter than you remembered. maybe it was just that you were eating it in your underwear with a man that made you feel comfortable in your skin for the first time in forever, a home improvement show remaining unwatched on your tv as the two of you joked together.

joshua woke the next morning in your empty bed, and was only confused for a second as he looked around your white walls. he stretched once, then sat up, eyes meandering over your orange patterned rug (one he remembered describing as "groovy" when he had first seen it, which had made you laugh in that way he adored), then noticed your laptop had been turned on. it was saturday, he realized, and you were likely going to edit today so you wouldn't have to tomorrow. he decidedly did not peek, though he wanted to, and peeked out your bedroom door instead.

you were easy to find, standing in your kitchen with an oversized shirt on and your hair pulled out of your face as you formed rice balls. you looked up from your work, smiling when you saw him, placing the triangle of rice you had just made on the cutting board. "good morning!"

it was, he thought. it was a really good morning.

you teased him for hugging you in your kitchen while he was only wearing underwear, saying that he seemed to have made himself comfortable quickly. he just playfully ran his hands under your shirt, saying, well, what about you, then? making breakfast with no pants on?

"i live here," you said, giggling and using your hip to bump him away. "i pay rent. what do you do?"

his eyes darted away from yours as he thought. "sit still, look pretty?"

that made you laugh. "you are very pretty."

he grinned, taking the opportunity to pull you into his chest again. "you, too."

he looked at what you had made, noticing the pot on the stove for the first time.

"soybean paste soup," you said, reacting to his gaze, then pointed at the neat triangles of brown tinted rice in front of you. "mushroom riceballs, and i'm making tamagoyaki next."

joshua blinked at you after processing everything. "do you do this every morning?"

"not every morning," you giggled. "but i wanted to today."

weeks later, you were biting your pinky nail to oblivion as you scrolled through comments on the video you had posted earlier that morning. you were sitting on the couch in joshua's living room, your laptop perched on the arm and your boyfriend fixing something to eat before the two of you sat to watch a movie. you had made a risky move in your video - one you thought would have been fine, but clearly people read more into it than you expected. joshua came over for dinner earlier in the week, when you had made pasta with all the delicious fresh seafood the two of you had found at a market the day before, accompanied by a simple salad and white wine. karol was working late, so you had set some aside for her, but that meant it was just you and joshua in frame when you filmed your usual table setting shot.

people were speculating.

you knew it was inevitable, and a few comments had pointed out the man that had eaten sushi with you in the vlog that included your first date, but at this point, the comments were flooded with questions and hypotheses on who the mystery man could be. most assumed boyfriend - which, while true, made you feel slightly annoyed - and a few wondered if he was your brother, or close friend, but they all noticed that his hands and voice had become regular guest stars on your channel. that, while you still got meals with krys and karol, this nameless, faceless man sat opposite you more often than anyone else.

the jeonju vlog is what sparked the most comments. people suspected some amount of intimacy when they realized this guy was travelling with you, too, and you probably would have thought the same if it had been someone you watched regularly. you had been careful with the editing, only including clips with food and the scenery shots that didn't star him (while you had filmed a lot that did, those were just for your own personal record), but you supposed it was in peoples' nature to try and find a romantic plotline in your slice of life.

"josh?" you said suddenly, pulling your pinky from between your teeth. you heard his vague noise of acknowledgment and spun around on the couch to watch as he cocked his head at you from the kitchen. "should we go public?"

"uh," he paused, looking at the scallion pancake he was cooking, quickly grabbing the panhandle to flip it. "give me, like, two minutes and we can discuss? i'm almost done in here."

you puffed your cheeks out and nodded, turning back towards your computer. "okay, baby."

when joshua came into the living room, the spread he had quickly put together across a tray you had bought for him (because you wanted it, mostly, but karol would kill you if you brought more home), he put it on the coffee table and sat next to you, quickly addressing the subject again.

"people keep," you paused. his eyebrows raised, prompting you, but he only chewed on his bottom lip to let you take your time as you hugged your knees to your chest. "people keep assuming you're my boyfriend anyways, so i'm just thinking-" you exhaled sharply. "should we just say fuck it? just confirm that we're a couple?"

joshua studied you. "you've always been pretty private."

you chewed your cheek, putting your lips against your knees. "that's on purpose."

"you don't have to say anything you don't want to," he reminded you, rubbing a hand against your back. you put your chin on your knees and gave him your biggest doe eyes, making him smile. "they can speculate all they want, but you don't owe them an explanation."

you nodded lightly as you hugged your legs and looked around, briefly studying the tray joshua had brought over. he had quickly stirfried some vegetables, grilled the frozen pork belly slices he always kept on hand, and even cooked your favorite premade scallion pancakes, the spread complete with several side dishes you had made together earlier in the week and two bowls of rice. your brows knit together, fingers itching to film how neatly he had put together a light meal for the two of you because you had said you wanted to show him your favorite movie without interruption, and he knew you would be hungry soon.

"would you-" you cleared your throat, looking up from the food and finding his eyes. "what do you think i should do?"

he let out a breathy laugh. "does it matter? you'll do what you want anyways."

you whined, pushing his shoulder as your feet dropped from the couch. "i'm serious, your opinion matters here. would you be okay with being public?"

"you're joking, right?" he laughed, adjusting his posture, and grabbing your hand to folding it between his. "baby, you know i care about you, right?"

your lips pursed as you nodded, looking between his eyes shyly.

"and you know i would never try to say that i, like, own you, right? like, i don't claim ownership over you as a person."

you let out a short laugh. "right."

he held your hand tighter. "i want to tell every viewer of every single one of your videos that you are mine."

your cheek puffed out as you smiled. "really?"

"especially the reply guys, oh my gosh," he rolled his eyes, making you laugh. "there's a place i think you'd like! i could take you, smiley face. yeah, get lost, creep. move along."

your palm landed on your cheek as you laughed. "shut up, are you serious?"

"you don't see those?" his eyes wide when you shook your head. "baby, there's so many people trying to take you out in the comments. so many."

you giggled, pressing your lips together. "well, there's only one guy that gets to."

"that's right," joshua said, a proud look on his face. "the ultimate reply guy fanboy."

you pushed his chest, laughing again. "shut up."

you decided an faq would do, but in the style of your regular videos. you definitely didn't want to just sit down in front of your camera and talk through questions and answers - that wasn't your style, and would feel wrong uploading. so instead, you spent a few hours compiling questions you had been asked often and organized them in a way that made sense, planning on showing your daily life. questions like what camera you used, what your go-to quick breakfast is, where you bought the clothes you liked - it was easy to plan them out to create a vague storyline of your standard day. you woke up on a wednesday (a day you went to the studio, because many of your questions were about what goes on there), excited to film but slightly nervous. as you set up your camera for breakfast, your phone buzzed on the counter.

joshie: good morning, baby! you got this! can't wait to see you tonight 🥰

you: 🥺🥺🥺 thank you!

the day went well, filming your planned clips on the subway and at the studio, and when your coworker asked what all the questions you were filming for were, you sighed.

"normal stuff," you said quickly, taking off your apron after several hours of cooking and shooting. "favorite recipes, what equipment i use… y'know."

yunhyeong nodded at you, his eyes squinting slightly. "is that all?"

he knew you. he knew how you reacted when you were nervous. how you could practically hide it from anyone, but that certain subjects would always make your eyes look slightly panicked and your speech speed up. the worst part is that you knew he knew, and your facade was almost immediately broken.

"and if i have a boyfriend."

he stared at you for a second before he laughed in disbelief. it took him over a week of bugging you about the guy in your videos before you admitted you were seeing someone, and even then, you only did because joshua had started picking you up from the studio and - against your wishes - introduced himself to your coworkers. yunhyeong thought about how protective you were of your privacy, and how you had never revealed something as personal as a relationship online before - partly because none of the people you had gone on two or three dates with had been serious enough to reveal, but he mostly thought about how you barely even showed your own face. that you stayed mostly silent when you filmed, and if you had to speak, it was a voice that was only adjacent to your usual cadence, as if you were trying to create another barrier between you and your online persona. how you had mourned your grandfather's passing and uploaded your vlog like normal two days later, but called out of work for the week following.

"and you're telling the truth?"

you exhaled, wiping down the stove top now that it had cooled. "yeah, shua and i discussed it. people are speculating, anyways, and it's not like he's going anywhere any time soon."

yunhyeong nodded again, organizing the spices as he put them away. "i'm happy for you."

you looked at him. "what do you mean?"

"it's a big step," he said, purposefully keeping his eyes from you so you didn't get self conscious. "you haven't been this serious about someone the entire time i've known you. i think it's really great that you found someone you care about."

you watched him spin bottles to be label out as you considered his words. "thanks."

he peeked at you, smiling. "of course."

yunhyeong's words rattled in your mind as you walked to the restaurant joshua had agreed to meet you at, filming your feet as you went with the intention of answering a few random questions with on-screen text in the edit. someone you care about.

you thought about how joshua had said the same thing about you when you had asked if going public was something he would be comfortable with. the way it has made your heart flutter. you wondered, briefly, if perhaps this was something more than just caring.

when you were editing the video that saturday, you procrastinated on the last question as long as you could, and when it was the only thing left to do, you escaped to the kitchen to make lunch in favor of finishing the part that was haunting you. your bagel sandwich was delicious, but you could barely enjoy it, mind clouded by the task that made your anxiety peak for seemingly no good reason.

it took you too long to finish it.

when you showed it to joshua, wanting his blessing before you uploaded, he couldn't hide his giddy reaction.

"it's okay?" you confirmed, studying his face.

he nodded at you, lips pushed together into a lopsided smile. "it's really cute."

"cute?" you asked, clicking through the video. "that's good, right?"

"yes," he laughed, squeezing your shoulder to put a kiss on your head. "it's great. post it."

so you did. and while you had gotten a tiny bump when krys excitedly dragged the two of you onto her stream that afternoon, you had no way of predicting the way the rest of the internet picked it up a few weeks later.

"r/relationshipgoals," jeonghan read off his phone, leaning against your kitchen island along with several of your friends that had come over when they saw the two of you on their newsfeeds unprompted. "'cross post from r/cutecouples, the most heartwarming boyfriend reveal you'll see this year.'"

"twitter, too," karol announced looking up from her own phone, seated in a barstool beside him. "you're a twitter moment. people found the clip from krys' stream, even."

you were on the counter opposite them, kicking your feet nervously to the beat in your head as you chewed your lip. you sighed and covered your face. "how long is this gonna last?"

"a while, hopefully," krys said, turning your laptop screen towards you. "your subcounts are insane right now."

you whined into your hands, making joshua appear at your side to put a hand on your spine. you took a breath at the touch, relaxing your tensed thighs on the counter. "it's okay to be nervous," he muttered at you. "but it's also kinda exciting, right?"

you exhaled deeply, letting your hands fall and your eyes trail to his before a smile broke on your face. "kinda."

so after you calmed yourself down, you managed to go through some of the posts about you, and you surprised yourself by letting them put a smile on your face. even the idea of having a public relationship had scared you shitless less than a month prior, but this… this wasn't so bad. seeing twitter repost the same video of you filming your feet as you walked into a restaurant, panning the camera up to reveal joshua sitting at a table and waving excitedly at you. the cuts you made to show clips that had landed on the cutting room floor of past videos - the footage you had taken of him pointing out the new wok you had started using a few weeks prior in a kitchen specialty store, and the goofy face he revealed after holding it in front of himself as he brought it back to you. the video of joshua grasping your hand, panning up to his playfully serious face as he dragged you down a boardwalk in jeonju, gesturing to the sunset. the unedited audio from your first date, when you had said something about it looking really good, and he had said something along the lines of how it would have been a waste if you hadn't recorded, and the two of you giggled together in a way that nervous new couples did. short bits of you swinging your camera around to reveal a laughing joshua as you tried to film quiet shots. a clip of him wearing a triangular menu on his head like a hat, acting as though it was completely normal.

you had a hard time believing anything you ever did would be viral-worthy, but even you had to admit, this was a pretty understandable thing for you to go viral for.

besides, it felt like it made sense for this to be the one thing about your personal life that ended up getting attention. it felt like he was an innate part of you at this point, and that you wouldn't be honest if you hid him.

it was august when he broke your heart.

"how could you?" you asked him, staring in disbelief. "you haven't seen lord of the rings?"

"okay, i lied," joshua said, still washing the dishes. "i saw them when i was a kid, but i don't remember them really."

"well, we're fixing that."

he looked at where you were sitting on his kitchen island - a well known habit of yours at this point. "today?"

"not today," you said, poking your toe at his hip. "this weekend, maybe? if we start now, we'll be watching til you go to work tomorrow morning."

he shut off the faucet and gingerly placed the pan he had just washed on the drying rack. "how many movies is it? i thought it was just three."

"it is," you said, laughing at his shocked look. "the extended editions are around four hours each."

joshua exhaled, leaning against the counter as he used a cloth to dry his hands. "you're lucky i like wasting hours with you."

you grinned, hopping down from your seat. "you're lucky i let you."

and that weekend, the two of you did just that - waste time, ordering delivery food for two meals as you camped out on the couch in various positions as the two of you got comfortable repeatedly. you couldn't help but recite specific lines, mouthing along with every word gandalf said like you had thought of the words yourself. you pointed out behind the scenes facts along the way, even, excitedly saying viggo broke two toes when he kicked that helmet, or how faramir's flames were a mirror trick. joshua watched you, because while he knew it was your favorite movie and he really should pay attention, he couldn't help but get distracted by his own favorite movie, and it starred you getting excited about something you loved.

you slept later than joshua that sunday, and when you emerged from the bedroom, you spotted krys sitting at the island with a plate of waffles in front of her, then found joshua leaned against the counter with a cup of coffee. he smiled when he saw you.

"i made breakfast," he said, gesturing to the counter.

you looked around at the spread as you walked over to him. waffles, fruit, bacon, and the promise of a fried egg upon request - a spread worthy of your own brunching standards. "what about second breakfast?" you asked quietly, in accented english.

joshua laughed, his arm wrapping around your midsection as you came over to kiss him good morning. "elevensies?" he shot back, in the same vague accent.

you broke your serious face to giggle. "luncheon?"

"alright," krys said, voice raised in annoyance when the two of you looked over at her. "i get it, y'all are in love or whatever, but can you have some respect for those of us who are lonely?"

you rolled your eyes, laughing at the fact that she had absolutely brought this upon herself by forcing the two of you together every chance she got, but joshua went cold when he heard her say the thing he had been thinking for a while, but was too scared to say out loud. the thing he felt when you grabbed his arm and told him that if he wouldn't let you carry the ring, then you could at least carry him with all the same dramatics as one samwise gamgee did. when you cried as frodo and bilbo sailed into the sunset for good, even though you had seen it a million times over. the sneaking thought that he was in love with you, but didn't know how to say so. he swallowed down the thought, shaking his head when you raised a questioning brow at him as you dished up a plate of waffles and fruit.

it didn't take you long to trust joshua enough to give him your door code so he could let himself in, but it took him a while to actually use it. he said something about not wanting to intrude, but you told him it was more intrusive to make you come to the door when you could possibly be doing important things and he was completely capable of getting in on his own.

"babe?"

you hissed. you had the thought right before you started this boss battle, that he would arrive before you finished and you would be trapped at your computer. you were right. "in here! gimme like two minutes!"

you heard him enter your room, and his bubbly laugh when he spotted your back at your desk desperately clicking your mouse and striking your keyboard. "wow, is this what you meant by important things?"

"please, please, please," you whined, intermittently squealing as you reacted to the enemy attacks. "i'll get off in a second i just need one more cleansing heart to ascend xin- fuck! not the stupid birds!"

he laughed again, his hand finding the back of your shoulder, thumbs pressing into the constantly sore flesh. you winced as he kneaded his fingers into your shoulder but exhaled, making him laugh lightly when you got knocked over by a boar. "hey, there's a boar there."

"yes, thank you, joshua." you quickly cracked a knuckle as soon as you had down time, sticking your neck out as he continued to massage your shoulders. "i think i have two more waves."

"waves? because it's a water level?"

you groaned into a reluctant laugh. "no shitty jokes right now, i'm trying to focus. normally krys and i co-op this one but she was busy."

he hummed, moving to stand next to you with his hand resting at the base of your neck. "wonder what she was doing."

"don't you live with her?" you teasingly asked, glancing up at him for the first time while sprinting across the platform, your game camera spinning uncontrollably when you suddenly pulled both hands to your mouth and gasped. "what the fuck, joshua?"

he stifled a grin, but it was completely obvious in his eyes as you stared up at him, blonde hair curled lightly to stay out of his face. "what's up?"

you stood from your chair, inspecting his head. "what the fuck?"

he laughed, wrapping his arms around you when you ran your fingers through his bleached locks hesitantly. "do you hate it?"

"i-" you blinked at him repeatedly. "what? no, i don't hate- what the fuck, joshua?"

"what?" he whined, eyebrows tenting at you even though his lips were still smiling. "does it not suit me?"

you held his head and squinted at him. "josh, you're hot. you look hot. but what the fuck?"

he laughed, finally planting his hello kiss on your lips. he watched the gears turn behind your eyes, puckered lips becoming a pout.

"did you go to a salon?"

he grinned. "krys did it."

you made a fist at him, scrunching your face for a second as you exhaled, looking down at the screen right as your last team member died, respawning at a statue. "that's why she used so many smiley faces when she said she was busy."

he put his lips to your cheek, smiling into your skin. "not bad though, right? you got a pretty handsome boyfriend."

and while you would have loved to roll your eyes and tease him, you were overtaken by a giggle as you turned your head towards him again, the tip of his nose gliding across your cheek. "yeah, i do."

his eyebrows went up. "wow, wasn't expecting you to admit it so readily."

you laughed, a light, carefree laugh, your palms on his jaw as you kissed him. "i have eyes, joshua." he just smiled against your lips, lacing his fingers together behind your tailbone, and you pulled away slightly to look up at his hair again. your hands went to his nape, fingertips against his scalp. "how long did it take? you have thick hair."

"we did three sessions," he said. "enjoy it while you can, it might fall out."

you laughed with him, brushing your fingers gently in his bangs again. "it feels fine, though?"

"yeah, i made this incredible discovery that i'm almost positive i'm the first to hear about it. it's called a hair treatment."

you batted at his chest, giggling. "shut up."

"make me," he said, the sweet smile on his lips making the phrase more playful than suggestive.

"i can't believe you surprised me with bleached hair," you said, plopping into your seat and exiting the game. "you know i hate surprises, right?"

"that's too bad," he said, his hand returning to rub against your neck. "i like surprises a lot. get used to them."

you puffed out your cheeks, sighing slowly. "usually people compromise."

"not on this," he stated. "i'm a gift giver."

"yeah, i figured that out when you got flowers sent to the studio on our one month anniversary, then again on our second, then here on our third…"

he was just smiling smugly at you when you stood again, maneuvering around him. "and you love getting them?"

you rolled your eyes, not even commenting when he playfully patted your butt as you went by. "they're always tasteful and it's nice to have some seasonal flowers for the counter."

"so you love them," he repeated. "because it sounds to me like you love them."

you laughed, reaching out to catch his hand in yours and pull him along with you as you exited to the main living area. "and what if i do? so what, joshua hong, if it makes my heart beat a little fast when we suddenly get flowers delivered and i realize it's the fourteenth? are you gonna call me a hypocrite because i vocally advocate that traditional chivalry is bullshit?"

he just listened to your playful accusation, more proving that you were self aware rather than egging him on. "no way," he said plainly. "you can still think traditional chivalry is bullshit, it won't stop me from trying to make you smile."

you felt your face heating up, your jaw dropping slightly to let out an annoyed huff. "cheesy, joshua. i'm offended."

"want me to make it worse?" he asked, wrapping his arms around your waist.

your hands landed on his chest as you squinted at his grin. "i'm scared."

he gave you a crooked grin. "happy one hundred days. i brought sushi."

your head whipped over to the counter, spotting the paper bag with a familiar logo. "from nori table?"

"of course, from nori table."

joshua had promised jeonghan that you would make an appearance as a couple at a party he was throwing the next day, and you found yourself almost nervous. you got on with jeonghan famously - almost enough to drive joshua insane - and you even warmed up to seokmin pretty quickly, but from what you had been told, jeonghan enjoyed partying, and you didn't really like getting drunk.

"you made it!" seokmin grinned big, spreading his arms to signal for you to let him wrap you in a hug. you laughed and greeted him, enjoying the friendly comfort, then watching him hug joshua after he let you go. "and you're blonde! life's good?"

"yeah," joshua said, making eye contact with you briefly as his fingers tangled with yours. "life's good. you?"

seokmin blinked before he said "yeah, good!" and your brow knit slightly before you consciously adjusted your face to hide the analysis of his hesitation happening behind your eyes. "this is your first time here, right?"

you nodded, smiling and following him as he led you into the crowded apartment. "yeah, it's been busy lately. but i finally made it to one!"

"well, you need to meet my friends," he said, continuously looking back at you even as he walked ahead, towards a corner of the living room. "you're gonna love them."

"aye, josh!"

you looked to the source of the call, spotting the guy pulling himself to his feet from his seat on the couch, arms wide in greeting to your boyfriend.

"hey, hosh," joshua said, a sideways grin on and his brows tented as he gave him a quick handshake into a hug. quickly, he put a hand on your opposite shoulder, pulling you towards him and quickly introducing you.

soonyoung initially went in for a hug after your introduction, but immediately noticed the way your eyes widened slightly and instantly pulled his arms down, leaving a hand extended for you to shake. you laughed, taking it, and apologized for not being a hugger.

"no worries," soonyoung laughed, and you wondered if he was always this pink in the face or if he had already started drinking. "seokmin will hug me, right?"

"everyone!" seokmin ignored him, pulling you towards the people gathered on and around the couch. he announced you to his friends then quickly went down the line - soonyoung, seungkwan, jihoon, dongmin, yugyeom - you repeated the names back to him like you would remember all of them, even though you knew you wouldn't unless they became regulars in your life, too.

jeonghan flitted by and expressed his greetings to you both some time later, intending to abscond with joshua for drinks and conversation elsewhere, but he stopped jeonghan from pulling him away before he put a hand on your elbow, looking at you meaningfully.

"i'll be okay," you told him, smiling. "go ahead."

he squinted at you. "you sure?"

"seokmin's here," you reminded him, nodding your head at the boy you had practically adopted as your own brother. "real quick, about soonyoung-"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "what about him?"

you chewed your lip, smiling. "karol's been a little too focused on work lately, right?"

his eyes widened, thinking about your roommate. his eyes went to the man you had referenced, who was currently chanting something into seungkwan's face as he rolled his eyes. "karol?"

"what do you think?" you asked, looking back at soonyoung.

he blinked. "i think he'll drive her insane."

your eyes shone at him. "i think she'll love it."

he laughed incredulously, registering that you had asked his opinion instead of just doing whatever pleased you, and he wondered if that meant you trusted him. "you're right," he said finally. "try it."

"of course i'm right," you said, giggling against the quick peck he put on your lips. "remove him, jeonghan."

"finally," an impatient host shot back, rolling his eyes in a way that landed in a sly smile at you. "for what it's worth, i think your plan will work."

"didn't need your approval, but i'll take it," you said, smiling smugly at him. "i'll update you later."

the update you gave the next time you saw him, weeks later, was that karol had left the apartment every week since to go be with soonyoung somewhere fun and exciting, and you waved her off with a shiteating grin every week, culminating in the two of them arriving to krys' birthday party hand in hand.

jeonghan laughed, stealing a carrot stick from your cutting board as you arranged them into a rainbow themed charcuterie platter. "knew it. soonyoung loves women stronger than him."

you looked at him as he took a bite. "and karol loves someone she can take care of."

"look at us," he said, waving the half eaten carrot between the two of you with a lopsided grin on his face. "what a duo. we should hang out more. fuck joshua."

you laughed at him, then at the offended look on your boyfriend's face as he walked past. "now?" you asked eyebrows raised as you looked at him expectantly, and he laughed when he realized what the last words out of jeonghan's mouth were seconds before.

"please, this is a child's birthday party," he reminded you, and you laughed at the overexaggerated look he gave you to sell the joke.

you looked over to where krys was laughing with seokmin, soonyoung, and karol, then back down to your work as you nudged around quartered figs with a vague smile on. "seems like the kids are having a nice time."

jeonghan sighed, falling dramatically against the counter. "oh, to be young and in love."

joshua laughed. "karol's our age."

his cheek was planted in his palm, elbow on the counter as he gazed after the group. "i'm talking about seokmin and krys."

"what?" joshua asked, voice nearly cracking, and you let out an explosive laugh. "seokmin and who?"

"stop acting stupid," jeonghan waved ahand at him, then popping his eyes up to catch your look of solidarity. he pointed at you. "see? we're on the same page, which means we're right."

joshua looked at you and you raised your hands in surrender. "are you serious?" he asked. "my sister and-"

you landed a hand on his face, effectively shutting him up as you giggled. "shush, josh. just leave it, okay?"

"good idea," jeonghan sighed, straightening and picking up the platter you had finished. "dining table?"

"please," you responded, looking back and giggling when joshua looked just as dumbfounded as he had before you looked away. "she's an adult. seokmin's a good guy. let it happen."

he closed his mouth, stealing a glance at his sister. "he is a kindergarten teacher."

"and both your best friend and your partner love him," you reminded him. "she could do worse."

he gave you a look. "she has done worse."

"shut up," you said, pushing his shoulder in your friend's defense. "you've done pretty bad, too."

his eyes went to the ceiling, remembering the accidental altercation you had been forced to have with one of his more regrettable exes. "how many times do i have to apologize-"

"you don't," you laughed, putting your hands on his cheeks and focusing his eyes on yours. "but krys is an adult. she's allowed to judge her own partners, and even if she ends up being wrong, she's old enough to make her own mistakes."

joshua huffed, knowing you were right but not wanting to admit it. "sorry i'm trying to protect my one and only baby sister."

"yes, and you're adorable," you assured him. "best big brother ever. but it's her birthday, and if you don't start getting drunk soon, she'll be very upset."

drinking with joshua was fun. because he wasn't much different than yourself - he didn't get crazy, he didn't get loud. he just got loose. he let stupider jokes out, and he was more willing to join in on krys' performative comedy bits throughout the night. you found yourself falling onto a couch with him, giggling as he caught his breath after a particularly involved musical number.

the most fun you had drinking with joshua was in itaewon, long past midnight but still what you considered halloween. you had been dragging karol with you for years, but now you had a boyfriend, and she had a boyfriend, and you both had a new joint best friend, so it only made sense for you to get them all take the train ride out to your favorite part of seoul.

ratatouille. that was the only way you could get joshua to go with you. he wanted a couples costume and he wanted you to be the rat.

"this feels backhanded," you told him.

"do you want to be linguine?" he asked. "i can be sexy remy. i can find grey hot pants, but you have to be the one to attach the the tail because i have no idea what my butt looks like."

you laughed, resigning to your fate and buying the outfit online, then looked at him suddenly. "liar. i know you check yourself out at the gym."

"okay," he said, eyes on the ceiling as he herded a giggling you into his arms. "then… i want it to be accurate, so you need to attach it directly at my tailbone." he cocked his head at you after you settled into the hug. "i have to be wearing them, obviously."

"obviously," you said. "but unfortunately, i already ordered the body suit."

josh pressed his lips together and made a quick fist in victory. "awesome. i-i mean! aww, well, that's fine, i suppose." he sighed dramatically, convincing absolutely no one that he hadn't wanted this outcome all along. "i'll be linguine."

"i don't feel like fighting a bunch of gays in itaewon for your affection anyways," you said, making him laugh and kiss your cheek quickly before pulling away.

"grilled cheese?"

"is that even a question?"

it wasn't a question when you were weaving through throngs of bunnies and angels, either, holding hands with both him and his sister to not lose them in the crowd, karol and soonyoung trailing behind krys, all five of you on a mission to get carbs in you after starting the night off nearly too strong.

halloween in itaewon was different. it was special, you thought. you usually didn't like crowds, but this one felt good. halloween wasn't a celebrated holiday in korea, but with internet, influencers, and immigrants, the culture found its way into the new age scene. you loved an excuse to celebrate your favorite characters by paying them homage, and joshua had thought that was a noble enough reason for him to justify staying up too late and drinking too much.

you had just left the diner themed bar that you devoured griddle top sandwiches from, as well as another drink, and you spotted a familiar angel making a beeline for you.

well, not you.

"how many times have i tried to get you to come to itaewon with me?" jeonghan asked, pushing joshua's shoulder as soon as he could reach it.

joshua laughed, looking shocked by the sudden appearance of his friend. "you never agreed to be remy!"

jeonghan looked at you, and burst into laughter, making your jaw drop in indignance and whacking your fist against both their arms. "at least we're original. way to put in the effort, han."

he shrugged bringing a straw to his mouth, and you eyed the pink liquid that had clearly been funnelled into a water bottle. "i look better than all these clowns and you know it."

"there you are!"

jeonghan spun, the straw still in his mouth. "shit, i haven't lost you?"

seokmin gave him a sarcastic laugh, adjusting the shoulder of his soccer jersey as he walked up behind him, quickly adding to your small circle as he greeted you and joshua. you stepped aside suddenly, revealing the members of your party that had been lagging behind. "o-oh! it's all of you!"

you made brief eye contact with joshua, who was trying to not laugh at your less than subtle attempt. "you match!" you said quickly, pointing out that krys was dressed as a baseball player. "baseball, soccer," you trailed off, looking around for help.

"sports couple," jeonghan said loudly, slipping you a quick look. "cute."

soonyoung had to put his entire palm over his mouth to stop himself from exploding into giggles when seokmin went red in the ears and krys tried to change the subject as kindly as she could manage.

when you finally made it back into joshua's room, it was far too late (early? you could think about it more, but you preferred resigning to the fact that the passage of time was beyond you and moving on), the sun already starting to light the sky as it prepared to break the horizon. when you stole his toque of his head, he put his hand on your waist, backing you up against the closet door and gently working his lips onto yours.

you giggled, your arms landing on his shoulders. "aren't you tired?

"yeah, but," his eyes fluttering over your face. "i just really like you."

you were smiling when he pressed his lips to yours again. "i really like you, too, but we've been at a sweaty block party all night and we need to shower."

"together?" he asked, a spot of childish hope in his voice. "singular shower?"

you sighed on his lips, playfully threading your fingers against his nape. "if you want?"

the hot water felt especially good after trekking home in the cold without a jacket. and even though it was just meant to be a shower, he kept kissing you like it was something more, pressing you against the tiled wall and running his hands all over your shape. you couldn't stop giggling. pushing his hands away, saying you need to wash up, but giving him looks like you wanted him to keep going. you were running your hands over his chest, rinsing away suds, when joshua couldn't help but put a hand at the base of your neck, tipping your head slightly to deepen an already heated kiss.

"cut it out," you muttered against his lips, feeling them curve despite your eyes staying shut.

"cut what out?"

you looked at him, barely processing anything other than how incredibly handsome he was, even with his lashes stuck together with moisture and his hair slicked back against his head. "trying to fuck me in a shower stall."

he laughed teasingly, leaning into you again. "then why'd you agree to come in here with me?"

your back hit the tile again, and you giggled. "to save water."

and then he's kissing you again, a hand steady on your nape as he worked you open, tongue lapping against yours with a desperation that could only mean one thing. you whimpered dumbly, the squeaky whine escaping you with no difficulty as your hands ran up his chest, your grip longing for any amount of him you could get.

his lips leave you abruptly, asking if this was too much. if you wanted to stop. but you shook your head at him, hands eager to feel more of his shoulders, his neck, his scalp, despite your legs starting to give out. steam drifted between you when you told him your legs felt like jello from your full shift of partying, and if he didn't want to hold you up, you should probably take this to bed.

you were giggling as you frantically dried each other off, stealing kisses that were far too deep to be so short and longing touches that could have been interpreted as purposeful drying if you squinted hard enough, but felt much more like careful teasing. his hands felt right running up your body, and your hair was still damp, but that didn't bother either of you when you fell into bed together.

"i cant believe you want to fuck me when i was dressed like a literal rat," you teased.

he laughed, tugging your thigh up on his hip as his nose nuzzled against yours. "a sexy rat."

you giggled, lips parting when he kissed you. "a rat from a pixar movie."

he didn't miss a beat. "a sexy rat from a pixar movie."

you roll your damn eyes at him, and he just laughs, knowing that it mattered very little what you were wearing before, because now you were bare, clean, and safe in his bed, which was exactly where he wanted you for the rest of forever.

the sun was past its peak when you woke, stretching your sore spine and legs with joshua's arm draped over you. his hand seemed to wake before he did, finding your hip and squeezing gently as he took in his signature first breath of the day.

"g'morning." you smiled at his soft voice as he squinted at you, and you rolled into him to plant a kiss on his lips.

"it's almost two," you said finally.

he groaned, burying his face in the pillow. "too early." his grip around you tightened, making you giggle. "nap time."

you whined. "i wanna make coffee before it gets too late."

"i said nap time," he muttered, face still against the pillow.

"baby, i have a headache."

his head popped up, squinting at the bedside. "there's water."

you laughed incredulously. "i need caffeine."

he just pulled you tighter. "i need you here."

"wow," you said, wrapping your arms around him as he snuggled into your chest. "would rather i suffer from a caffeine headache for your own selfish need to cuddle than let me escape for two minutes to make a coffee and come back?"

he smiled, rubbing his cheek against your sternum. "mhmm."

you giggled, carding your fingers through his hair and resigning to a few more precious moments of uninterrupted snuggling before you could relieve the vague aching in your temples.

he did eventually let you slip out of his grasp, and you asked if he wanted a coffee, too, to which he just blearily blinked at you and nodded once. you laughed, finding a shirt in a drawer and pulling it over your head before exiting to the kitchen.

you hit the kettle first, having a craving for a hot cup of coffee rather than the usual iced, grabbing a mug and glass from a cabinet. the espresso machine sat on the long counter against the windowed outer wall, and your eyes danced across the outside world as you made the two coffees. when you returned to the bedroom, joshua was on his phone, and when you cleared your throat, he dropped his phone on the pillow and pretended to be asleep, complete with a loud snore.

you giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed and nudging him carefully. "get up or i'll put the glass on your neck."

he winced at the idea. "evil," he stated plainly, flopping around to comfortably sit up and taking the iced coffee from you.

you sipped your coffee and put it on the bedside table to swing your feet back under the covers. you shoved at the pillows to support your back as you sat, grabbing your coffee and phone to begin your weekend morning routine of checking the news as you sipped at an americano. "i brought you coffee in bed at two pm. i think i'm pretty saintly."

he gave you a fake laugh, making you giggle and push your foot against his leg under the covers in a half hearted kick. "is that why you said 'oh, god' so much last night?"

you groaned. "gross, joshua. and for the record," you said, eyeing him slyly as a smile broke out on your lips. "that was this morning."

"time is an illusion," he declared, taking a gulp from his coffee and setting it down to get more comfortable beside you as you began to read an article. "are we doing anything today?"

you shook your head, eyes still focused on your screen. "nada."

"nothin'?" joshua fished.

"zilch," you concluded.

"rad," he decided, a light tone in his voice as he grabbed his phone to resume whatever he had been doing before you returned. "do you wanna order breakfast?"

you let out a breath, your head falling back as you looked at him. "yes, oh my god."

he laughed, and his eyes ran over your face in a way you recognized well at this point. to you, it was him just smiling back at you, and you liked that it reached his eyes. but to him, it was the way he looked at you when he was memorizing all the little reasons he adored you, and it was getting harder for him to pretend it wasn't more than just simple adoration.

"question," he started, eyes darting away from yours as he licked his suddenly dry lips and swallowed quickly.

"pasta," you said immediately, pulling your phone to your chest as you gave him your biggest, most convincing eyes before a finger came up to demonstrate a point. "and before you say that's not a breakfast food, i would like to remind you that it is 2pm and i had to sit through a hundred of your italian food puns yesterday despite ratatouille being set in france."

he laughed, and you gave him a confused look. "we can get pasta, but that wasn't the question."

your eyebrow quirked. "what other question could you possibly ask me right now?"

unknowingly, joshua let his face settle into the same look he was giving you less than a minute earlier. "would you want to move in?"

your eyes ran over his face repeatedly, trying to register how serious he was as you considered the idea of staying in this comforting bed and presence for the indefinite future, and even you couldn't hide how nice that sounded. the only thing stopping you was that you couldn't bear to leave karol alone. you had been living together for over four years now, she had been your first roommate in korea, your best friend for years, and an inexplicable source of quiet but understanding comfort for you.

"i understand," joshua assured you, placing his hand over yours after you expressed your hesitation. "i don't know what i'll do with myself when krys decides to move out."

you nodded, studying his face but mind wandering to other things. "krys," you hummed, and he eyed you.

"what genius plan is that brain brewing?"

you shook your head, brushing the thought out of your mind - the thought that krys had said something about needing to find a new place soon. the thought that she had said she was never gonna properly grow up when josh was taking care of her, whether she wanted him to or not. "nothing."

but it wasn't nothing. it was a compromise - you and krys would swap leases.

"are you sure?" you asked her, elbows on the island as krys ate the donuts you had anxiously made that morning. you had brought up the idea to her days before, and she excitedly agreed, but something about it felt too easy to you.

"yes," she assured you, wiping her bottom lip clear of powdered sugar. "i swear, i'm sure. how many times do i have to say it?"

you chewed your cheek. "i don't want you to feel like i'm kicking you out."

"you're not kicking me out," she said matter of factly. "i'm moving out. it just happens to be the same day as you're moving in."

you pouted. "and you're moving into my apartment."

"yeah," she said, nodding. "i get to pay lower rent and have south facing windows in my room. i should feel bad about kicking you out."

it took almost a month to organize everything, but by early december you were just waiting for the date. you purposefully scheduled for a weekend, in order to not disrupt krys' streaming schedule and your video uploads, since you had planned to do a separate moving vlog about safely packing tableware. the weekend before, krys came over to her soon-to-be home for your usual monthly brunch.

flipping pancakes that day felt a little somber, knowing it was the last time you'd be cooking brunch while living with karol. you had been with her for four years, and it felt surreal that you were finally parting ways like this. not only that, but you were moving in with a guy. the idea itself scared the shit out of you - cohabitating with someone other than karol. you'd be sharing a room. sharing a kitchen. sharing all of your space - normally, that would scare you away from agreeing, but something about joshua made you feel safe. he made you feel like you would never try to get back the distance you generally held so dear.

months ago, the idea of sharing space like that while trying to decompress would be unimaginable, but recently, you found alone time with joshua just as healing as alone time with yourself, so the idea of being able to snuggle into his side every night actually put a warm feeling in your stomach. you looked at your friends, who were laughing and drinking bloody marys as you tried to keep up with their conversation. your brain swirled, and you looked back down at the strawberries you were cutting, suddenly realizing you had never felt that way about a boy before.

"woah, you okay, babe?" krys bobbed her head downwards to check your face. "are you crying? i thought only onions did that to you."

you threw your head back, sniffling noisily trying to force the tears back under your ducts. karol stood. "oh, my god, what's wrong?" she frantically put down her drink and rushed around the counter to your side.

"wait, yeah-" krys shook her head rapidly, then reached over to take the knife out of your hand, her face creasing into a worried pout. "what's going on?"

you gathered yourself, embarrassed at how quickly you had cried so hard over such a stupid realization. you almost laughed, realizing what a scene you were making. you never cried. you weren't even sure either of them had seen it before now, yet you were ugly sobbing over something that they all probably already knew.

you swallowed harshly, clearing your throat. "i think i'm in love with josh."

krys and karol always knew you didn't truly care about the gender of your hypothetical partner, but that you had avoided men for a reason other than your attraction to them. they knew you gravitated towards women for practically your entire friendships with either of them, they knew that you never liked to get genuinely drunk and instead took care of the rest of them, and they knew you had never been very interested in sex. these were all known facts about you, and your friends understood that you kept the reasons for these facts close to your chest. they respected that.

but you finally wanted to share why. and the why was your ex.

when you had imagined telling your closest friends about your trauma, this certainly wasn't the situation you expected - crowded around the kitchen counter as your pancakes went cold, and only because you had burst into tears. it wasn't the right place, you thought, for you to talk about how he got you drunk. how you were practically asleep. how you tried to push him away but your body was weak with intoxication and you were powerless against him. someone you trusted. someone you loved.

you had always been the type to fight your own battles. you could stand up for yourself without difficulty, yet he made you scared of men. of what they could do to you. he reminded you that despite your effort to air on the androgynous, you had a body that some people might enjoy against your will. he made you want to hide everything about you and your body, wearing baggy shirts and oversized hoodies every chance you got, avoiding the unwanted gaze of men.

but recently, you've been wearing shorts more. you cropped some old shirts you never got use out of anymore to wear to your weekly yoga class. you had even bought a schoolgirl outfit for exactly one purpose, which had been entirely out of your comfort zone until roughly two months prior, but you had happily worn to please a man.

but in your defense, joshua hong was not like most men.

his appreciation of your body never felt predatory, and it always felt like it was bested by his appreciation of your mind. he didn't treat you like a prize, or like you were his for the taking. he appreciated your body as yours. while you may have found yourself the subject of his desire, you were never an object, and it had been a long time since you had felt comfortable wearing the clothes you liked in favor of opting for whatever would hide the most skin.

krys was crying. karol was too, but she was more focused on hugging you tight as you wiped off the tears that had trailed down your face. krys rounded the counter, loudly vocalising how much she loved you and everything about you, and you laughed out loud as she let out an exaggerated wail.

"actually, though," she said, pulling away slightly and sniffling. "drop the address. we're rolling up on this guy tomorrow."

you laughed again, wiping at your face when your arms were free. "wouldn't even know where to find him now."

"good!" karol declared. "fuck that guy! cut him out! you're a bad bitch!"

krys pouted. "i'm really happy josh helped you heal."

you stared at her for a second, registering that she must have been right. you eyes swam over the counter, thinking about all the times he had helped you feel more comfortable with yourself. with everything. enough to let someone in. enough to love. "i guess that's what this is, huh?"

karol cleared her throat. "so, you love him."

a grin broke out on krys' face, and your eyes immediately rolled. "you love him."

"you love him so bad."

"you wanna marry him and make adorable little hong babies."

"oh my god," you said, pressing the backs of your hands into your eye sockets, annoyed laughter on your lips as they bounced off each other. "you guys suck."

joshua started acting… odd. that was the only way you could describe it. there was nothing specific you could name - maybe the way his eyes were moving slightly too quickly from side to side? or maybe it was the way he inhaled a little extra when you asked him what was up, only for him to push his lips into an exaggerated pout and insist that nothing was. whatever it was, it made you watch him a little bit longer, your eyes squinting slightly more than usual.

you called him the day before, asking if you could bring some stuff over in hopes of making the next day as easy as possible, but his response was quick and surprising.

"what do you mean, no?" you laughed, putting down the wooden tray you were deciding the fate of. "do you have a girl over?"

you could hear him faltering on the other end. "and what if i did?"

"good luck getting her to make you breakfast."

he laughed. "i'm kidding. i have a guy over."

"oh?" you asked. "jeonghan?"

"shut up," he chuckled out. "i'm having something installed, but it was supposed to be a surprise."

"joshua," you reminded him, thinking of what the hell he could have meant by something. "i don't do surprises."

"you do now."

you groaned, a palm landing on your counter. "what is it?"

"a sex swing," he said plainly, as though that were the most obvious fact that you could have questioned, and you practically choked on your laughter, not even letting him confirm that he was joking before you were folded over your counter. and quite frankly, you could not wait another day to let him make you laugh like that as a routine.

you finally seceded, but you were glad when joshua arrived - the suv he rented loaded with krys' things - because it was a signifier that the distance between you and said surprise was shrinking quickly. soonyoung had become a surprisingly helpful voice of reason as you went through your piles of tablewares, telling you which ones to leave behind and which ones to take with you. seokmin had even arrived not long after the suv in his own car, a few brightly colored belongings in his backseat. you and karol exchanged a look when you realized he had volunteered to help krys move, but said nothing out loud, knowing she would do nothing but deny the obvious.

after yours and krys' affects were swapped in the car, you looked around one last time before telling josh you thought that was it.

"wait!" krys faltered, realizing she didn't have a good reason to stop you. "i- uh,"

"they know there's a surprise waiting for them," he said, digging the rental keys out of his jacket pocket.

karol looked to you. "do you know what it is?"

"of course not," joshua stated proudly before you could respond. "i'm like a steel trap."

you laughed. "that's definitely not how that phrase is meant to be used."

he raised a brow at you. "that doesn't change the fact that you could never get that info out of me."

"they absolutely could," karol said.

"for sure," krys agreed.

"i just wanted to let you have this," you admitted.

joshua looked between the three of you with his jaw slightly dropped, and seokmin put a hand over his mouth while crossing his arms to disguise the almost laugh on his lips.

"well, i want to see your reaction," krys decided. "so i'm coming."

"wait," soonyoung asked, putting down the retro boombox he had been investigating, among the other things that had been brought from the loft. "like, the surprise?"

"does everyone know about this but me?" you asked, hands hitting your sides in exasperation.

seokmin looked at you with wide, confused eyes. "i don't."

you lifted your hands in a vague prayer towards him. "thank you for your solidarity."

"i wanna see your face, too!" soonyoung said, ignoring you both. "you're gonna freak."

"joshua," you started, turning to him with a look of dread on your face. "what the fuck did you get?"

"i told you!" he exclaimed. "a sex swing!"

there was an excruciatingly long second of silence, making your palm land directly on your face - just above your eye - before seokmin let out a surprised, "a what?"

"he's kidding," you announced, much to the teacher's relief. "and if he's not we're breaking up."

it was decided that the entire party would move to the loft for the surprise reveal, and you watched your friends pile into seokmin's car with your palms sweating slightly and your molars gently gnawing at the fleshy party of your cheek. because, truly, you didn't handle receiving gifts well when you knew what they were, but you didn't have a single clue as to what could be waiting for you in your new home, and that made you a little nervous to have an audience for your possibly piss poor reaction.

joshua's hand found yours on the drive to the apartment. "you okay?"

you blinked and looked over at him, his eyes catching yours between glances at the road. "i don't do surprises."

"so you've said," he nodded. his fingers squeezed at yours lightly and you exhaled. "do you want to know before we go in? you can just act surprised."

your felt your face soften, registering what he was offering you. "joshua, you don't have to do that-"

"i know," he said. "but if it makes you more comfortable, then…"

"no way," you said. "i'll just stop being a baby. you set up a surprise, the least i can do is participate the way you want me to."

he eyed you, then the way you laced your fingers with his. "but you are a baby."

you rolled your eyes. "shut up, no i'm not."

"my baby," he clarified, and you let out an involuntary giggle.

he was guiding you into the kitchen, his large hands placed over your eyes and covering most of your face by proxy, and you didn't quit your playful complaints for the crowd of your closest friends that had gathered around, their presence obvious despite your vision being impaired.

"ready?" joshua asked.

"josh, i literally hate surprises, do we have to do all this?"

"yes," he said frankly. "because i'm doing something nice for us and you're going to love it so can you shut up and let me do this the way i want to like you told me you wanted me to?"

you paused, hearing the way your friends stifled their laughter as you took in a deep breath.

"ready?" he repeated.

"yeah, i guess," you sighed.

the light was harsh when his hands left your face, and you blinked repeatedly at the kitchen that you spent countless hours in, registering what was different. then, it suddenly clicked, the stovetop joshua had always had was replaced by the blue vintage styled range of your dreams.

"joshua!" you gasped, hands going to your face as you spun to look at him, then back at the range. "you bought me a lacanche?!"

he grinned, hands snaking around your waist from behind as you stood frozen in place. "i bought us a lacanche."

seokmin leaned over to krys. "what's a le conch?"

she reached up and put a finger over his mouth, eyes fixed on you. "shh, they're communicating."

you rushed over to the range, joshua following behind you as you ran your hands over the polished chrome handles that you had stared at on the website for years. "and it's all hooked up?"

he nodded, eyes on you with a smile on his face. "tested it last night."

"without me?" you asked, incredulous.

he laughed. "i didn't want to ruin the surprise by burning the loft down directly after."

your finger fidgeted on the handle, looking over to joshua. he gestured for you to go ahead, and you pushed and spun the knob, lighting a burner and squealing. you shut it off again before launching yourself into a hug.

"joshua!" you wailed, arms wrapped around his neck as he laughed, putting his around your waist. "i love it so much ican'tbelieveyouboughtusafucking lacanche range in portuguese blue for no goddamn reason!"

"there was a reason!" he laughed, letting you pull away slightly to study his face. "it's a housewarming gift. i want you to know this place is yours, too, now."

you did your best to suck the tears back into the ducts they belonged in, trying to not show just how much the gesture meant to you in that way, but you were sure one escaped down your cheek when your hands went to the base of his skull, pulling him into a kiss. you forgot the context of the move. you forgot about your friends that had been excitedly crowded in your new kitchen, anticipating your over the top reaction to what they saw as just a new stove. you, however, were overwhelmed by the specifics - the fact that he had picked the color you chose most often when building your hypothetical dream stove on the website you frequented more often than you would ever admit. the fact that it matched the details on the tile of his kitchen backsplash, a detail you hadn't even noticed when you were looking at them online. the chrome vintage knobs, the layout of the burners - everything was exact to what he had seen you dream about, and you couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the love and care that expressed, hoping you could tell him just how much it meant by working your lips against his.

"ok, gross," krys announced, looking away when the two of you didn't pull apart. "i'm saying goodbye to my wallpaper and we're leaving. would anyone else like to pay their respects?"

seokmin raised his hand, his eyes on the ceiling, and krys grabbed his arm and retreated towards the hall, karol telling them to hurry as soonyoung put up a hand to obstruct his view of you and joshua. when you finally pulled away, it wasn't for their reprieve, though they reacted as though it was. it was so you could look into joshua's eyes, creased with the grin on his face as you gave him a similar one, and you couldn't wait to cook with him, on your, plural, portuguese blue lacanche range, with chrome classique handles, four gas burners, a griddle, and a warming drawer. and it would be your best brunch yet.

[cdt12345]

BABY! Ian called Mickey BABY! It's finally canon! Also finally canon is Ian is Franny's favorite!!!! She likes him the best! I always knew Ian would be her favorite! I feel so vindicated! She also loves playing with Mickey! She knew if Ian lives with them Mickey would have to come too and she wanted them both! 11x10 was by far my favorite episode of the season so far!

I didn't want to say anything before in case I was right and I didn't want to spoil it but I had a feeling that pool was at the condo they were looking at. A lot of people were speculating that they wouldn't get the place but I was really hoping they would. The pool gave me confidence that they were actually going to get it and they did!

I know some are upset with Ian, but I'm glad Ian did it. Mickey will be happy with Ian anywhere! This is good for them! Let me be clear, I would never make a decision like that without talking to my significant other. Ian was right in them moving there, but Ian was wrong in the way he went about it. Mickey wasn’t right when running off without talking about why he didn’t want to move their and throwing insults at Ian. Neither of them were in the right on how they handled this.

I understand Mickey's reservations as does Ian. But that's the thing! Ian knows Mickey better than anyone! He knows Mickey will resist, but actually does want this as much as he does. He knows Mickey wants this and he's making it happen for both of them and I love Ian for that. Even if that meant his husband would be mad at him for a while. He knows Mickey deserves this and wants this. Mickey is afraid and a little uncomfortable about this change. He needs Ian to alleviate these fears but Ian didn’t get a chance to do that since Mickey ran off. That's the thing about these two though. They get each other out of their comfort zones and at the end of the day, that is a great thing. It helps them grow. This is why they've both come so far and have grown into the people and couple they are now. Without the pushing, supporting and guidance they've given each other, they wouldn't be here today.

Ian didn’t even want to look at the condo in the first place because it was on the west side. Mickey said they should go check it out anyway. He did say it was because he wanted to use the pool, but he didn’t have as big aversion to the west side until it became a real thing Ian wanted to do and it was all happening so fast. Mickey needed more time to ease into the idea. It was just so sudden for him. I understand Ian wanting to take advantage of the deal and it was a good deal for them to get. I would’ve done the same, just not without talking to my significant other about it first. But of course we can all agree they should’ve talked and decided together first! That is what a marriage is. Deciding on these things together. But like the great @luckyshazmrsmonaghansblog pointed out in her post, Mickey spent all of their wedding money without consulting Ian. Yet, did people get all over him for that. No! Again this is Ian being overcritized by the Ian haters. At least this was something good for the both of them. We still don't even know what Mickey used all the money for!

If people are blaming Ian, they can also blame Mickey for getting mad and running off. He didn't stay to talk it out with Ian. They have both come a long way with their communication but they're not perfect at it. Ian isn't the only one who runs away during conflict. I hate when Ian is accused as being the one who runs away from an argument when Mickey does this sometimes too. They both do it not just Ian all the time.

I really want this for them! I want them to have nice things! They deserve it! They only live 15 minutes away from the south side! He can get his beer 15 minutes away. They're still going to be close and close to Ian's family. They're still going to be working in the same area. Not much is changing. Just at the end of the day and their days off they can spend it together in a nice safe place with lots of cool amenities. Like a gym, heated pool, garden, working appliances finally, and a soft big bed. Not to mention they're not sharing the place with Ian's siblings. It's just going to be them! One day them, dogs and their own kids!

The fact that they think $900 a month is cheap, is amazing! I'm sure it's cheap for the area in Chicago, but that's way more than they'd ever have been able to afford before. It makes me wonder how much are they making if that's affordable to them? Not to mention that Ian was talking about expanding the business, which was another thing that made me so happy! They're expanding their business!

Ian wanting to plant tomatoes!!! He's so sweet and precious! Ian implying they've cooked together before by offering to do so when Mickey was mad!!! Ian defending his husbands to his favorite sibling Lip!! Telling Lip if he ever hit his husband again he would kill him!!!!! Ian and Mickey having their own place now! Did this episode really happen?! How was this episode not just a dream I had last night?!

Mickey needs to move on from doing criminal shit! That life is over as it should be. He can't risk him or Ian going to jail again. He doesn't want to be separated from his husband again, then he has to listen to Ian and stop doing criminal shit.

Mickey needs to stay out of jail so he can protect his tomato growing husband!

Anyway, if Mickey feels the need to do some crime. The south side is 15 minutes away. It's not that far Mickey! I get where Mickey is coming from though. It's a big change and he never thought he'd even be able to live outside of the south side. But this is good for them! I can't believe they're going to be living together on their own now. This is literally the first time they're living together without other people.

Also considering how well their business is going and plans to expand. One day they'll be able to afford an even nicer place some day. Maybe even get a house! I'm so happy for their future! It's looking so fucking good for them!!!

I know that there is still a chance things can change. We do still have two episodes left. They can always back out of the lease. I don't know what the consequences are from doing that, but I know it's something people have done before.

But the most important thing is that at the end of they day, they'll be together. They are each others home. If they live in a cardboard box or a mansion, they're going to be okay because their together. Like Ian said about the painting, they may be miserable but at least they're miserable together. In good or bad, Ian and Mickey are in all of it together!

[handonhaven]

So um there is certain group that in this fandom(I'm not gonna name which one but I think it'll be pretty easy to figure out) that have taken to editing articles online to make it seem like their ship is happening and pretty much everything else they wish would happen on the show. Granted the edit to the articles don't last very long before they get changed back. But still I feel like that just a whole new level of sad. To go through all that trouble and they're just feeding into their own "I feel like I been lied to" thing. That's why if it's not one of those websites where Brett and other cast members do their interviews(the website that can't be edit) then I don't pay no mind or believe anything it says

Okay I know I'm really late with this one(and sorry if you answered something like this already) but Lizzie and Josie just made me mad to no end in 3x16. First let me start by saying I get them being upset that Hope ditched them and stole their car. That's understandable. But the fact that they didn't care where Hope was or where she went or if she was okay etc. That made me so mad, and then the only thing Lizzie cared about was making sure Hope would be in a relationship with someone other than Landon(don't even get me started on the comment she made about them and sex 😡😡). Because why shouldn't Hope be with the one person who loves her truly just the way she is. And does whatever he can to make sure she's okay and does whatever he can to help her unlike everyone else at that school, as well as a million other things I could add. And then at the end of the episode when Hope was back at the school both Lizzie and Josie go talk to her and try to act all high and mighty in a way. Asking Hope of it meant nothing to her what happened between them in 3x15. Clearly it meant nothing to Lizzie and Josie because they spent all of 3x16 not giving a crap about Hope. I mean they say they want to be there for Hope and help her and so on but then turn around and do the exact opposite. I honestly can't.

I think I can honestly say after this season. I would sacrifice anyone if it meant that Hope and Landon could be happy. I would throw anyone and everyone under the bus if I had to. Heck I would throw someone to malivore if I had. Just so they could be happy. Because all the trauma they went through these past 3 seasons plus all the trauma they went through before hand. They're done, like let them be done going through trauma. Just let them be happy of once, I don't care who has to pay what price let someone else go through something. I know it would suck for another character to go through pain I do. But Hope and Landon has had 3 seasons of nonstop trauma. That's way more than enough. Just give them a break and let someone else go through something. I don't care who they would throw under the bus to make that happen. Just make it happen, so that way Handon can deal with and possess all the trauma they've been through and move past it and just be happy. I know it's wrong to say let another character through pain so they can be happy, I do. But after three seasons of only them going through some much this is how I feel now. Yes I know other characters went through stuff too, but it was never to the extent to what Hope and Landon have been going through. And they even got a break from it and got to deal with. Hope and Landon have never gotten that.

So my friend came up with this theory that 4x04 is going to be a parallel to 3x04. Because at the end of 3x04 we had to watch as Hope watched Landon melt right in front of her. Which was heart breaking enough by the way. Then the end of 4x04 will be Landon watching Hope die right in front of his eyes. Just thinking about something like that happening just breaks my heart 💔💔💔💔. It was bad enough having to see that once. But they have see that twice.... I think my heart will jump out of my chest and fall into the ocean somewhere never to be seen again. There's no way I could take seeing something like that twice.

Okay so I know everyone has there own thoughts on this one, but I would love to hear yours. So if Klaus was alive and met Landon what do you think he would think of him? I honestly think he would love Landon(even though he wouldn't come out right and say that). For the person he is despite everything he's been through in his life, and how he's always trying to better himself. For how good he is to Hope and how happy he makes her. And for how he's trys to help Hope with everything, and does what he can to help keep her safe. And so on.

Seriously?? Wow. So that’s how they’re spending the hiatus? That’s definitely sad and absurd, the kind of stuff they do continues to reach new levels. I just don’t get what the point is of trying to temporarily deceive people by doing that... so that they can feel like they’ve won for a little while? They must be pretty desperate. And they really are just lying to themselves at this point, and are going to great lengths to lie to other people too. Idk what sites even allow them to do that, at least the articles get changed back though. But yeah, I’m gonna stick to only looking at legit articles and websites, and official info from people who actually work on the show. That’s just incredibly stupid, honestly.

I actually did talk about that a bit in a response to an ask here x. But yeah, same. I understand them being upset about Hope ditching them too, but Hope clearly did it to keep them out of what she was doing because there could’ve been danger. That’s nothing new for Hope, and since they’re supposed to be her best friends, shouldn’t they know that? And even though they were upset, they still should’ve been more concerned about Hope’s safety, which they weren’t. And yes, exactly. Yes to all you said. It was all so frustrating to watch and made me mad too. And so true about Hope and Landon, Hope should be able to be with him, he’s all those things you said and more. So there was no good reason for Lizzie to try to find Hope someone else when she still loves Landon and wasn’t interested in moving on. And I agree about the end of the episode as well. Once again, their concern was the fact that Hope had ditched them, not if she was okay. Exactly, it doesn’t seem like 3x15 meant anything to them since they were so quick to give up on Hope. Just one thing went wrong, which was really more of an inconvenience for them, and they didn’t even try to be there for Hope. They got offended and did nothing. So it makes me worried for when Hope has to deal with Malivore and whether or not they’ll really be there for her.

Yeah, I mean, hopefully no one would have to be sacrificed for them to be happy. But it’s really sad that it’s gotten to the point where it feels like it would take something that extreme to make it happen. It’s truly insane the kind of trauma they’ve gone through and how they can never get a real break and be happy. I agree, if anyone deserves to be happy at this point, it’s them. And I wouldn’t want someone else to have to suffer either, but if the writers are so insistent on having someone suffer, they need to have it not be Hope and Landon for once! They need a better balance of what goes on with all the characters instead of just putting Hope and Landon through everything all the time. Exactly, they seriously have gone through nonstop trauma, they can’t go through anymore at this point, it’s too much. I agree, they need to be able to recover and heal after all they’ve been through so that they can be okay and be happy. I honestly don’t know how either of them have even been able to keep going after all they’ve experienced, it’s so horrible. And yeah, it’s not that the other characters haven’t gone through stuff too, it’s just not at all like what Hope and Landon have dealt with. And like you say, with no breaks, no time to heal. I just think it’s ironic how they wanted this show to be lighter, yet they still put these characters through terrible things, Hope and Landon most of all. They have them constantly dealing with trauma and pain and death, they just lighten up the tone and throw in some comedy amidst all of the tragedy to make it seem lighter when it’s really not. Not for Hope and Landon anyway. I wish they’d make their actual lives and experiences lighter overall, and let them live and be happy for a bit, it’s what they deserve.

Oh my gosh! So I’ve also wondered if Hope is gonna die in 4x04, but I didn’t even think about how that would be a parallel to 3x04! 😭 It will be so painful if it happens, I’m not sure I can take it either! Although, if Landon is there if it happens that could also make for an amazing scene. Like seeing Landon crying over her, or his reaction to it triggering his Phoenix powers again, or maybe even getting healing tears? I’d lose it. It would definitely be heartbreaking, but as long as they wouldn’t get separated again like in 3x04 and they could still be together after, hopefully we would survive seeing something like that again!

When it comes to Klaus and Landon, I have so many thoughts about that, I could make a whole other post about it. But I completely agree with what you said. Every time I see people say Klaus would hate Landon, that he would’ve killed him, etc. like... it makes me mad but I also wanna laugh. Because there’s just no way that Klaus would feel that way about Landon, and whoever thinks he would either didn’t actually watch The Originals, or at least didn’t pay attention to it or understand it. I don’t know how anyone can watch that show and come away from it thinking Landon isn’t the kind of person Klaus, Hayley, and the rest of Hope’s family would want for Hope. And we already saw Klaus’s reaction to Landon dancing with Hope. He was smiling and happy to see Hope with him. He’s already basically approved of Landon. But I really do think he would love Landon too. He wanted Hope to be happy, and Landon is the one who makes Hope happy. So I think that alone would be reason enough for Klaus to like Landon and want him in Hope’s life. But also the other things you said as well, I think he would really admire Landon and the kind of person he is after all that he’s been through. I’ve always thought it was interesting how, in some ways, Landon went through similar things in his childhood like Klaus and Hayley did. He was abused, and Klaus was also abused, and was in foster care with no real family, like Hayley was. And I think for Klaus to see the way Landon has handled that and didn’t let those things change who he is as a person, and still chose to be a good and kind person even after being treated so horribly, I’m sure that would mean a lot to Klaus. To see the way that Landon has been able to overcome darkness in his life, and that’s what Hope needs as well. Klaus and the rest of the Mikaelsons always wanted Hope to be better than how they had been, and Landon helps Hope to be better and helps brings out the best parts of her. And of course with the way that Landon treats Hope, and how much he loves her, how loyal he is, and the way he fights for her and is willing to do whatever it takes to keep her safe, I’m sure Klaus would be so grateful to Landon. Like, just imagine Klaus’s reaction to what Landon did for Hope in 2x11, along with everything else he’s done. How could Klaus not love someone who loves his daughter that much and is that devoted to her? I could go on about this, but this has gotten ridiculously long so I’ll stop. But yeah, I definitely think Klaus would love Landon and be so glad that Hope has him.

[kali-writes-meta]

Oscar and Ironwood Part 2: The Toxic Bromance

I apologise for taking so long to post this essay. Recent events haven't been conducive to a contemplative state of mind. In Part 1 I covered the pile of rather ominous foreshadowing of Oscar and Ironwood's relationship, now let's see how it actually played out.

Oscar and Ironwood's relationship has the rhythm of a toxic bromance story. Ironwood is pining for someone else to come sweep him off his feet, and he gets Oscar instead. Ironwood makes no bones about the fact that he would prefer Ozpin, and spends their every moment together trying to turn Oscar into Ozpin. Then, at a dramatic moment, Oscar saves Ironwood by doing something that Ozpin would never do, proving that Oscar is the better man for this moment. And does Ironwood thank him? No, he's still too busy pining for Ozpin, unable to appreciate the man standing in front of him. Finally, Oscar makes one last attempt to reach Ironwood, who cruelly dumps him. It's a perfect example of a toxic bromance.

But, maybe I'm wrong. There are people who say that the final scene with Oscar and Ironwood in Volume 7 had Ironwood acting completely different from how he had previously acted towards Oscar. I didn't see that big of a difference, but maybe I missed something. Let's look at every single interaction between the two characters and see what we find.

When they first meet Ironwood warmly greets a bunch of people he hasn't seen in over a year, but doesn't ask about the one stranger in the group. It's a small incivility that could be put down to the stress of discussing highly classified information, if he didn't then proceed to discuss highly classified information in front of a COMPLETE STRANGER. Whether you see it as an etiquette failure or a security failure or both, it's clearly a failure.

Ironwood announces a new plan that will undo and replace Ozpin's plan, since Ozpin is gone and he has to use his "best judgement". Then he is introduced to the strange kid as "the next Ozpin" (Really, Qrow? You could have worded it better than that.)

Ironwood is overjoyed. He smiles broadly and quickly races to Oscar's side, even going down on one knee in front of him, at the thought that Oscar might not really be Oscar.

Let's pause on the kneeling bit. Who is Ironwood kneeling for? One kneels before a child, one's lover, or one's monarch. Ironwood might be kneeling before the child Oscar, but he NEVER kneels before Oscar again, so he's not kneeling for the child. He's kneeling before a lover or a monarch. I highly doubt it's for a lover, and "monarch" seems closer to how he was treating Ozpin earlier. But it is definitely someone for whom Ironwood feels a passionate bond. There's no doubt that this is the most emotional we have seen Ironwood to this date.

After Ironwood goes down on one knee, he learns that this is not the Wizard he has been looking for. Ozpin.exe has gone offline, and only Oscar is at home.

Ironwood is crushed. Instead of responding to Oscar's introduction and without saying a single word to the young man he's just been introduced to he looks away from him,

turns his back on Oscar,

and walks away!

If one of the main cast had been that rude to Oscar we still wouldn't have heard the end of it, but for some reason Ironwood gets a free pass.

Ironwood: Ozpin told us that too, once upon a time. (turning to face them) At least we have you, Oscar. You're safe here in Atlas. Maybe together we can figure out how to bring Ozpin back.

That's an interesting statement. Notice he still hasn't exchanged pleasantries with Oscar. He's saying that Oscar is safe, but he's not saying that he will take care of Oscar or do anything at all for him, except "figure out how to bring Ozpin back". He's setting the terms of their relationship at the start. He doesn't see Oscar as his own person, but only as an obstacle he has to get through to reach Ozpin.

Note the discrepancy between Ironwood's tone and his wording. Research has shown that some people pay more attention to tone than they do to word choice, so when there's a discrepancy between tone and wording they'll give more weight to the tone and dismiss the actual words. (It's a valuable tool for unscrupulous salesmen and con artists.) Ironwood's tone is warm and friendly towards Oscar and apparently it fooled some viewers, but his words are much cooler and less friendly.

Oscar notices the discrepancy, and it confuses him. He responds first to the warm tone and then to the cool wording.

Oscar: (grinning) Thank you, sir. (stands at attention) I mean, uh, general. Uh, Ironwood? (smiling awkwardly)

At this point their relationship is spelled out. Ironwood is deeply disappointed and dissatisfied that Oscar isn't Ozpin, and is going to try his best to turn Oscar into Ozpin. Oscar, responding to Ironwood's warm tone, is going to do his best to cooperate for Ironwood's sake. Ironwood's stance reminds me of what was said to another Atlesian back in Volume 1:

Port: "So the outcome did not fall in your favor. ...(I)nstead of fretting about what you don't have, savor what you do. Hone your skills, perfect every technique, and be... the best person you can be."

Ironwood is fretting about what he doesn't have. He isn't interested in helping Oscar be the best Oscar he can be. Ironwood just wants to turn Oscar into Ozpin as fast as possible.

We see the difference in the two mens' attitudes play out in the mine clearing story. Oscar expresses concern about how they are treating Ironwood.

Oscar: Ruby, hiding things from Ironwood, doesn't that feel like what Ozpin did to us?

But Ironwood shows a lack of concern for Oscar by not inviting Oscar to a surprise party Ironwood throws for Oscar's friends. If he was concerned for Oscar, why not invite him? But if Ironwood's only concern is turning Oscar into Ozpin, it makes sense that he would not even think to invite the young man. Such an action would not serve Ironwood's purpose, so why do it?

Later, Ironwood begins training Oscar.

Ironwood: You might not hear Oz anymore, Oscar, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try to jog him loose.

Once again, Ironwood's tone of voice is warm and friendly, but his words are not. Notice that Ironwood doesn't say that he is training Oscar for Oscar's benefit. His sole stated reason for training Oscar is to "jog (Ozpin) loose". Ironwood has a good reason for believing this sparring technique will work to bring out Ozpin, but that topic deserves an essay of its own, so I'll cover it separately later. However, it doesn't work to jog Ozpin loose. Instead it helps Oscar improve and make more friends, to become more "the best Oscar he can be."

When sparring doesn't work to turn Oscar into Ozpin Ironwood falls back on the classic trope of the lovesick swain, he shows the substitute the special place where he and his idol made special memories.

Ironwood: I hoped bringing you down here might jog some memories.

This interaction is the third time that we've seen Ironwood speak to Oscar, and it's the third time he's said he wants to turn Oscar into someone else. There's no canon evidence that they have any other relationship at this point.

But, I can hear some people saying, how is this different from what the main cast did to Oscar? Didn't they treat him like a walking meat suit as well? It's true that in a fit of rage Jaune accused Oscar of being Ozpin in disguise, but he quickly dropped the delusion and apologized to Oscar at the next opportunity, and that was the end of it. There's never been another time when they have treated Oscar as if he was Ozpin when Oscar was in control of his own body. Ironwood is a different story. He persists in trying to turn Oscar into Ozpin.

For the third time, his tone of voice is warm and friendly, but his words are all about how he doesn't want to be here with Oscar. He wants to be with someone else. He seems to look forward to a day when he believes Oscar will be gone and Ozpin will stand in his place (in spite of all the evidence to the contrary) to Oscar's noticable discomfort.

Oscar: It feels strange, knowing that part of me helped come up with all this.

Ironwood: You’ll get used to it, I’m sure. Eventually, you won’t even know who’s who anymore.

Then, in that special spot, Ironwood tells Oscar his dream for the two of them.

Ironwood: We... didn’t always see eye to eye, but... I wish I could ask Ozpin what he thought of all of this.

As is common with lovesick swains, Ironwood is looking at the past through rose-tinted glasses. They didn't merely not "always see eye to eye". Ironwood was constantly arguing with Ozpin, keeping secrets from Ozpin (Penny), and going behind Ozpin's back to undercut Ozpin's authority (taking over the Vytal Festival). It's doubtful how much he would listen to Ozpin if Ozpin was there, but Ironwood is still making himself heartsick imagining the encouragement that Ozpin would give him. (You can tell he's viewing the past tinted with nostalgia, because if Ozpin were really there Ironwood would be getting a tongue-lashing.)

Imagine how dehumanizing this must feel to Oscar. It's entirely to the young man's credit that he does what he does next.

Oscar: Well, I can tell you what I think. The path you’re heading down where you’re the only one with the answers, where you do the thing you think is right no matter the cost, it’s not going to take you anywhere good.

Oscar has been giving Ironwood what he thinks Ironwood wants, to no avail. Now he gives Ironwood what Oscar thinks Ironwood needs.

And it seems to help Ironwood open up a little bit.

Ironwood: We have to stop Salem. Nothing matters more.

Oscar: Some things matter more, I think. Keeping our humanity. It’s what makes us different from her.

Ironwood: Sometimes I worry that’s her greatest advantage. Without humanity, does she still feel fear? Does she ever hesitate? When Salem hit Beacon, even with all my ships, all of my soldiers... I was no match for her. I’ve never felt so helpless. The way she told me she was there.

Oscar: It’s okay to be afraid. You just can’t let that fear control you.

Ironwood: I am not going to end up with Lionheart. Do you believe in me?

Oscar: I do believe in you, but not only you. I think the best thing you could do is sit down and talk with the people you’re most afraid to.

And how does Ironwood express his gratitude for Oscar's help?

Ironwood: (chuckles) Now you are starting to sound like him.

By denying Oscar's humanity once again.

Then comes Jacques' ball --, er, dinner party. Oscar is worried about what will happen to Ironwood there.

Oscar: Ironwood's going to be locked in a room at his rival's own dinner party. I know Jacques says he's happy to moderate, but all that really means is he'll be the one controlling the conversation.

Ironwood doesn't appear to show the same concern for Oscar, but drags the young man along into a potentially dangerous situation. Why? It's not for anyone's entertainment. It's not so Oscar can testify before the Council, which is the excuse for bringing the others. Oscar's secrets are not ones that Ironwood wants out. The only plausible reason left is so that a 14 year old kid can provide a world leader with advice and emotional support.

To everyone's surprise, that's what happens.

Jacques' treason and Watts' shenanigans come to the surface, culminating in a simultaneous cyber attack with a major DOS, riot, and Grimm invasion. Ironwood freezes in the clinch, unable to decide what to do.

Clover: Sir, we need ground support now.

Robyn: What we need is to start evacuating Mantle. If it's completely overrun, it's not going to be safe anywhere. Use the fleet to get--

Ironwood: If I move the fleet, then Atlas is vulnerable. I… I tried to keep the kingdom safe. And now we're losing everything.

It's Oscar that comes to Ironwood's rescue.

Oscar: General? Earlier, you asked for my advice.

Ironwood: I wanted Ozpin's advice.

Ouch. For the fourth time, Ironwood shows that he sees Oscar as nothing but a poor substitute for Ozpin. But then Oscar shines.

Oscar: And his advice probably would've been to keep your secrets. When we first got here, you already knew that wasn't the right course. You had a new plan.

Ironwood: It's time to give up on that plan. It's all falling apart.

Oscar: The panic you were worried about? It's already happening. The secrets you're keeping? They're about to be in the open anyway. It's time. Tell the truth.

Here is where Oscar does what Ozpin couldn't do, proving that he's not just a second-rate substitute for the real thing. This time he was better than Ozpin.

At this point Oscar has just pulled Ironwood's fat out of the fire, and what does he get? The only thanks Ironwood gives him since they first met, right before Oscar is literally told to go to his room.

Ironwood: Thank you. Oscar, I think it's time you get back to the Academy.

Afterwards Oscar tells Ruby, "He's finally choosing the truth over fear. We should do the same" and with her permission tells Ironwood the rest of the story.

Ironwood -- some folks think he took the news well. I don't. That looks to me like monumental "just this side of throwing up" shock, to be followed by monumental rage. As upsetting as he finds the news of Salem's immortality, he's even more upset that his adored hero kept secrets from him.

Ironwood: (distraught) Why? Why would Oz keep this from us? From the people who trusted him?

(You mean the person who went behind his back and undermined his authority?)

Oscar: He was worried you would lose hope. We're sorry we kept it from you, too. We didn't know who to trust. I figured you should know before you make any… sacrifices.

It's Oscar who prods Ironwood away from his pain and back to the present.

Oscar: Sir? What are you gonna do?

Ironwood: I… (collects himself) All we can do for the moment is what we can to save Mantle. That's what's in front of us.

Oscar: (smiling) He'd be proud of you. You're bringing the hope that Atlas was meant to inspire. A city in the sky is held to a higher standard.

Ironwood: You say that... like you were ther--

One again, the only compliment Ironwood can give Oscar, even after Oscar has done what Ozpin couldn't do, is to tell him he sounds like Ozpin. The man needs to work on some new lines.

Oscar goes back to JNPR's room with an escort of robot guards. Ironwood goes to deal with the crisis, and makes a good show until Cinder and Salem rattle him. The good news is that his monumental shock subsides. The bad news is that it's followed by monumental rage.

In the middle of a battle Ironwood decides to arrest the allies whom he now considers questionable, instead of using the age-old tactic of dealing with such a problem by sending them to the front line. (You can tell these boys haven't fought a war in a while.) He sends an Army unit to capture a same-sized Marines unit, and things go as well as could be expected. Meanwhile Neo goes to retrieve the Lamp of Knowledge, currently in Oscar's possession, from Oscar and JNR, and things go as well as could be expected.

Then in the middle of the Great Escape, Oscar turns back to try one last time to do what Ozpin couldn't do and would no longer have tried to do -- talk sense into Ironwood. Talking sense into Ironwood is something Ozpin had been failing at since Volume 2, and going by what he said to Oscar about Hazel during the Battle of Haven, "He's wounded in a way that cannot be healed", we can safely say that by now Ozpin would have given up on Ironwood as a lost cause. But, just like with Hazel, Oscar is going to try.

Their sixth and final interaction starts with Ironwood repeating basically what he said in the other five interactions, another variation on, " Are you Ozpin yet?" Even after Oscar has done for him what Ozpin wouldn't do, he still wants Ozpin over Oscar.

Ironwood: And... whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?

Oscar: Still just me.

Then the conversation takes a different turn. Ironwood knows he's crossed a line, and he knows Oscar knows. The warm and friendly tone is gone. But Oscar tries to de-escalate the situation.

Ironwood: It was smart of you not to bring the Lamp down here. I wouldn’t trust me either right now.

Oscar: Trust is what I’m hoping to fix. I know we can still figure this out, all of it, together. Please.

Ironwood: Do you intend to fight me?

Oscar: No. That’s exactly what she wants.

Note that Ironwood anticpates a beating for what he's done. As the adult in a room with a teenage boy, HE should be the one pointing out the importance of not being bullied, manipulated, or coerced into doing anything stupid. Instead it's the teenage boy's job to point it out to him.

I've posted about this conversation in detail before, so I just want to make three points this time. The first point is that Ironwood's refusal to admit he's afraid is what triggers his violence.

Ironwood: You still think I’m afraid?

Oscar: We all are. It’s what we do in our fear that reveals--

Ironwood: That’s easy for you to say!

The second point is that Oscar finally understands what Ozpin meant about some people being "wounded in a way that can't be healed." Whether he agrees with Ozpin is something we'll find out in Volume 8, but he understands Ozpin better now.

Finally we have the end of Ironwood's toxic bromance with Oscar. And just as he did at the beginning, he insists on being the one to set the terms.

Ironwood: I am done letting others’ inability to see the big picture get in the way of doing what’s right. Robyn, the council, this kingdom... even you.

Oscar: Then you’re as dangerous as she is, James.

Ironwood: James is what my friends call me. To you… it’s General.

That's pretty much the way I saw it play out while watching the episodes in real time. I missed the discrepancy in tone and word choice the first time around; in my defense I'm a Southerner and used to hearing violent death threats dripping from honeyed lips. But I saw no discrepancy in Ironwood's behavior from beginning to end. He always wanted Oscar to be someone he wasn't, and when it became clear that Oscar was never going be what he wanted Oscar to be, Ironwood threw him away like a petulant child throwing away a broken toy. This wasn't the man I wanted Ironwood to be, but it's the same man we've seen since the beginning -- brave, charming, intelligent, and fatally short-sighted.

[effervescentvampire]

Finally

Charlie Weasley x reader

A/N: This is the first one shot I'm posting. Hope you enjoy it 😉

Warnings: none I can think of

Y/N: your name

Y/fc: your favourite colour

Y/ec: your eye colour

Y/hc: your hair colour

____________________________________

You and Charlie had been dating for a few weeks and best friends for two years already when he asked you to stay at the Burrow with him and his family over the holidays.

Naturally, you had said yes to it, but your parents didn't like the idea of not seeing you in the already limited holidays. So, they had agreed on sending you to the Weasley's for a few days before going back to school, together with Penny Haywood. She, Bill, Charlie and you were the best of friends and your parents liked the idea of sending you over far better with Penny there.

When you arrived at the Burrow you felt quite dizzy. Even though you had already travelled via portkey before, you couldn't really get used to it. As the world stopped spinning around you, you looked up at the snow covered house before you. You thought the tall house with its many floors and wrinkles already looked amazing normally, but nothing could match the coziness of it surrounded by nearly 2 feet of snow and fairy lights all around.

"Y/N!", a familiar voice shouted. Mrs. Weasley was standing in the dorway, smiling at you. Looking behind her in a no less loud voice she cried: "BILL! CHARLIE! Come here already and help Y/N inside!".

You went up to the house as you heard hurried footsteps coming your way. Charlie came nearly running toward you, not having bothered to put on a coat, his bright red hair and the new jumper he was wearing a great contrast against the white of the snow. "CHARLES WEASLEY, GO PUT ON SOMETHING WARM, YOU'RE GOING TO CATCH A COLD!", erupted the voice of Mrs. Weasley.

You certainly couldn't care less, as you only had eyes for one person.

"I've missed you, Y/N", Charlie whispered as he hugged you tight. Behind him you heard a small chuckle. His brother, Bill, was standing there beside Penny, your big Hogwarts trunk already in his hand, waiting for you to get out of the cold.

You separated and hugged both Penny and Bill and finally got inside. You were greeted by the inviting smell of hot chocolate and an overflowing amount of christmas decorations. Everything was gold, red and green, you were even sure there was a gnome in a tutu on top of the christmas tree.

Ron and Ginny were playing beneath the tree, giggling and waving at you.

"Bill, you should show our guests where they will be staying", Mrs. Weasley said, and to you: " Penny arrived just five minutes earlier, dear. You can catch up while unpacking, I'll bring you some hot chocolate and a snack"

Charlie blushed, looking at you: " She thinks she has to feed everyone like her life depends on it".

The four of you made your way up the stairs, you hand in hand with Charlie, Bill pulling your trunks up after him. Penny and you had both insisted on carrying them yourselves, but he had refused.

"...and my sister got me a necklace!", Penny told you when you arrived on the second landing. There were two doors, both wooden. One simply with a sign saying: William's room, the other covered by the image of a big Common Welsh Green. Even if you hadn't already been here, you would have ultimately known whose room this was.

Slightly smiling you looked at your very favourite dragon enthusiast, squeezing his hand. "We thought I would move in with Bill and the two of you could share my room", Charlie said, blushing again, his skin as red as his hair. The sheer thought of his girlfriend sleeping in his room seemed to make him uneasy.

"Only if you'd like that, of course", he added quickly.

"That's brilliant guys, thanks for inviting us over!", Penny answered. She was such a sweet person and was able to make anyone feel comfortable in an instant. Charlie had returned to his normal colour, and pushed the door open to let you in.

The walpaper covering the walls was of a bright shade of dark yellow. Photos of your friend group and cut-outs of dragons and his favourite quidditch team covering an overflowing bulletin board. School books piling on the messy desk and next to a book case full of books on dragons. They had somehow managed to fit a second bed in the tiny space.

"Well, Y/N, you should take Charlie's bed! I'll be just fine right here. You know, I like getting up early in the morning, I don't want to climb over you to get to the door", Penny stated. Normally you would have just thought she was generous and nice as ever, but the wink of her eye told you otherwise.

"Uh, I guess, if you're ok with that?". You were a little embarassed, so you asked the first thing that came to your mind: "What was your Christmas like? Penny told us already, but what did you do? Mine was pretty quiet, just my close family, got a new set of dressing robes"

When Bill groaned, you knew you had asked a sensible question. "Don't get me started on that. Our Auntie Muriel was there... Fred and George pulled pranks on her like every year... put some potion in her dinner they got at the joke shop at Diagon Alley in summer...she grew feathers and threatened to never come back. They're grounded forever, that's why you haven't seen them yet. Mum threatened to turn them into owls so they would deliver the post as punishment".

You spent the whole evening up in Charlie's room, chatting about what else had happened and if you had heard anything from your other friends. Mrs. Weasley appeared to bring hot chocolate and snacks. It felt like only half an hour later that she came back in to tell you that dinner was ready.

Penny and Bill went downstairs, while you and Charlie stayed back a few minutes.

"You know, I really enjoy it every time I'm here. It feels so much more like home, especially after this whole thing with Jacob... . Thank you for always being there for me, Char. It means a lot to me", you said.

He looked at you, his freckled expression softening, brown eyes meeting Y/ec ones. "You mean a lot to me, even more than dragons. Of course I'm there for you".

You felt the familiar butterflies in your stomach. Charlie and you rarely got some alone time in between classes, the search for cursed vaults, meetings with you friend, quidditch practises and the unholy amount of homework. You practically couldn't think straight anymore when his face came closer to yours. It struck you in an instant: he's going to kiss me, you thought. The only thing in the world seemed to be his face, your heart beating loud and fast with anticipation. Your first kiss, it would happen now...

"CHARLIE AND Y/N STANDING ON THE STAIRS. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Fred and George bolted past you down the stairs, snickering. Charlie had been so shocked he backed away and hit his head on a cupboard. As soon as he recovered he chased them into the kitchen. Until a minute ago you had felt sad for them being grounded, now you thought they deserved it.

Neither of them stopped singing this ridiculous muggle song, lord knows where they learned it. Mrs. Weasley had managed to make them sit down at the table and was making sure Charlie wouldn't shout at them by shooting mad glances.

Ginny called out: "Oh, how lovely, Charlie!", as she entered the kitchen through the back door. You came down the stairs to see that Mrs. Weasley had finally managed to shut Fred and George up. Ginny, however, asked you sincerely: "When the two of you are getting married, can I be your flower girl?", causing Charlie to choke on his drink.

"Don't be stupid, who would ever want to marry Charlie?", Ron said.

It was all oh so embarassing. Minutes ago you were about to share your first kiss and within seconds the whole family knew. Charlie was deep red as rhubarb again, ashamed. You sat down next to him, holding his hand, hopefully showing him you weren't mad.

"Nobody here is getting married, not until they're at least in their mid-twenties!" Mrs. Weasley shouted, " and I don't want to hear any of that again. Sit down and EAT!".

The rest of the night went by without further interruptions of that kind, only some curious looks from Fred and George. Your relationship wasn't new to Bill and Penny, so they just brushed it away, saying they knew they would kiss someday and it wasn't a big thing, but every now and then you could see a kind of sparkle in their eyes, following you playing with Ron and Ginny and their game of exploding snap.

Bedtime for the younger kids came and went and you and your friends were thinking about building a snowman when Charlie's dad arrived. He was working on a weird schedule at the moment, something between morning and night shifts.

"Arthur, dear, come on in! We have been waiting for you... would've already sent them to bed, but we have to give Y/N and Penny their presents first!", Molly said.

Mr. Weasley looked very tired, wearing an old traveling cloak and soaked by the snow. He quickly pulled it off and used a spell to dry his clothes up.

"Penny, Y/N, it's nice to see you again! I hope you don't mind if I go to bed soon, it's been a very busy day at work. We just wanted to hand you your presents"

Mrs. Weasley appeared behind him, holding two identical shaped packages: "Go on, open them!"

You carefully unwrapped your present and gasped a little when you saw what it was. It was a real Weasley jumper in Y/fc! It was perfect, with your initial on the front. Bill and Charlie must have told them how much you loved their jumpers. You could often be seen around Hogwarts wearing one of their cozy pullovers, wishing you had one of your own. Now your dreams had come true and you saw Penny was holding a yellow jumper with a P on it.

"Oh, thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley! I didn't know you would make me a present, now I feel bad for not getting you something", you said.

Mrs. Weasley pulled you into a hug and simply replied: " I was told you always wanted one. Also you have had quite a hard time with your family lately, so I thought getting you something to show you that you are always welcome and loved here would be just right".

Penny also did her thank you's. It was apparent she mainly got one because otherwise she would have been left out, but to you that was just as nice as knitting you a jumper. At the Weasley's, no one got left behind, own caring family or not.

Soon, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley said goodnight and ushered you up the stairs, where you said goodnight to Bill and Charlie as well. When you got into your beds, Penny fell asleep almost instantly. You were very tired as well, but you didn't seem to be able to find any rest that night. Maybe it was because of this heartwarming gift, the excitement of being here. Maybe the fact that you were lying in your boyfriend's bed at the moment, staring at his ceiling, maybe the fact that even though the bed sheets were clean, they still faintly smelled of him, grass, honeysuckle and something so entirely Charlie, you didn't know how to describe. But mostly it was the thought of you nearly kissing earlier. The rest of the things didn't make it easier, though.

You tossed and turned and failed to sleep. At some point, you got tired of this. Pulling back the covers, you pulled your new jumper over your pyjamas. As quietly and carefully as humanly possible, you climbed over the sleeping Penny's bed in the darkness and exited the room. It drew you to the small window on the landing. The sight of snow silently falling calming you down, though you could not get Charlie out of your mind.

As if you had conjured him by your silent longing, he appeared next to you. For a second you only stood there, arms touching because of the tight space of the landing. Just enjoying the peace and rare silence at the burrow. Then you turned to face your boyfriend. Next to him, the beauty of the snow seemed dull and mundane. How could you marvel it, if the true miracle was standing right next to you, messy red hair, freckled skin and a jumper matching yours? You still couldn't quite comprehend how he could be yours.

"What are you doing here?", Charlie asked, already looking at you, his brown eyes full of affection.

"I can't fall asleep. It's... something is keeping me awake", you replied. You didn't want to admit that it was the thought of him haunting you.

"I... I also couldn't fall asleep, Y/N". Suddenly, his face was impossibly close to you, but at the same time not close enough. Around five centimetres away from him, you stared at Charlie in shock, butterflies in your stomach. You heard him draw in a deep breath. He only hesitated for a second, then his lips met yours.

It felt like heaven to you, finally being able to kiss the boy of your dreams. You kissed him back, wishing it would never end, the nerves of your lips and where he touched your cheeks singing in ecstasy, your heart beating as if it were to burst of love and joy, in a steady rhythm. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

When you pulled away, he held you in his arms. "I've wanted to do that for a long time. So bad actually, that it was the reason I couldn't fall asleep tonight", you finally admitted, knowing that was his reason as well in an instant.

So, you two just stayed there in your embrace, looking out of the window. It finally truly felt peaceful and a weight lifted from your heart, as you realised this was exactly where you ought to be, like home. And you knew, that if you could, you would never leave his arms ever again.

[theoutcastedartist]

No new art really, if you've seen my original post on the MHA amino then you know where this is fucking going. Right down to Angstville because for some reason I'm obsessed with hurting my favorite Goth Jesus. You'd think I'd talk about my "Stain's Redemption" AU first since I've mentioned it but hahahaha

Y o u w e r e w r o n g ;´)

I straight up just copied and pasted my original post because I'm lazy but I REALLY wanted to share this with Tumblr lmao

Warning for (potential) manga spoilersss

Alrighty sinners, Let's get to the post itself then. Shall we?

·············

So let me just address something real quick about how I feel about the latest chapters of the MHA manga:

Seeing Aizawa cry has to be the most heart breaking thing I've seen in MHA (outside of the whole deal with Eri, sweet baby child ;-;)

And I completely FLIPPED when it was revealed that Shirakumo was BASICALLY turned into Kurogiri and just I'M CRYING--Cloud Angel Baby NOOOOOO!!!

They all deserved better than this T-T

Anywho enough about my grieving over fictional characters, let's talk about my AU, inspired by these recent chapters. Note that I'm a terrible writer. I guess this also includes a snippet of what I plan to write for this AU since it transitions from explanation to literature at some point just because I was kinda bored. Imma let you know right now that I'm a shit writer so uuuuh bear with me.

---------

The Reticent AU takes place in an Alternate Universe where Shirakumo is ALIVE and separate from Kurogiri. Instead of Loud Cloud being turned into a Nomu, Eraserhead is turned into one. His appearance for the most part remains the same, minus the scars all over his body, including around the neck, from experimentation.

He barely speaks due to pain he feels when he does talk and has no recollection of his life before being a Nomu, not even his own name. He manages to escape the League of Villains at some point and "befriends" the Hero Killer: Stain, or well more like the other way around (only because I find Stain befriending an emotionless mute to be funny). He finds Stain's views of false hero-hood and admiration for All Might quite contradictory yet amusing and lets him live during their first encounter.

It is rather hard to say whether he is a villain or a vigilante. He'll kill only if necessary but his intentions and motivations are unknown. He despises All Might as the Symbol of Peace. It gives false hope to the people as well as a false sense of security. He found it completely revolting. Aizawa did believe in good people, but All Might isn't one of them in his books. Pretty much considered one only because he's hanging around with Stain.

He never gave himself a name, nor did he care all that much for it, it was Stain who dubbed him with the alias "Reticent", meaning not revealing one's thoughts or feelings readily. He was never one for being open for as long as he could remember.

It's rather fitting, so Reticent keeps the given name.

·············

* I didn't know Shirakumo was tan, not white before I made the art (forgive me)

Oboro Shirakumo A.K.A Loud Cloud is currently the homeroom teacher of our beloved Class 1-A and best friend of our resident screaming banana, Present Mic. They have given up on their dream to start an agency due to the loss of their closest friend from high school. Fifteen years ago when they were still students at UA, Shota Aizawa had gone missing and authorities concluded that he was dead. It was such a heartbreak to Shirakumo and Yamada, that hurt never fully healed.

Shirakumo is still a friendly and nurturing spirit at heart, but not as open with his feelings anymore. He's more reserved with his thoughts and feelings. He's a reticent person.

He takes an instant liking to Ejirou Kirishima and Hitoshi Shinso. Kirishima's friendship with the explosive Katsuki Bakugou reminds him of his friendship with Shota. Their personalities seemed so different, yet their bond had remained solid and strong. As for Shinso, the purple haired teen reminded him of his old friend. He could see the growing potential in these two and takes them both under his wing. The three of them train together outside of school and the Kirishima and Shinso form a close friendship with each other along with their sensei. Both children are like sons to Shirakumo, he thinks that Shota would like them too if he were still here.

·············

So... Izuku Midoriya, the "villain magnet" of class 1-A, ended up finding himself standing face-to-face with the Hero Killer: Stain and... his partner? The news never reported anything on him having a partner. How strange. Either Stain's partner is a very recent addition or this guy was really good at covering his own tracks.

"Stain, leave them be. They are just mere children. Killing them would serve no purpose to your cause. I wouldn't waste your time with Native either. "

Midoriya grimaced at the sore and raspy voice. It sounded painful, but he could hear the underlying threat. The Hero Killer sighed and backed off from Iida's paralyzed body.

The two villains left before Todoroki had arrived.

"I think that's the first time I've ever seen you smile."

Agakuro sat down next to Reticent, who was currently petting a stray cat, and offered him some fruit. The smaller man hummed quietly and took a few slices of apple. Both men sat quietly with the soft purring of the stray.

"I've been meaning to ask, what is your quirk exactly? You can erase quirks, but you can also manipulate basic elements and the blood in people's bodies."

Reticent signed, 'I have more than one.'

"More than one quirk?" Stain cocked an eyebrow.

Reticent nodded and quietly spoke, "Nomu."

"I've heard about their appearances here in Hosu. They are these large looking creatures with their brains exposed. You sure as hell don't look like one of 'em." Agakuro mused as he chewed on some cantaloupe. His friend was making his signals again.

I was suppose to be a more perfected Nomu. All for One took care of my progress himself.'

"Is that why you have so many..."

'Yes.'

·············

"Principal Nezu?" Shirakumo and Yamada stood in the white creature's office. Both men wondering why they were called to see him.

"Ah Loud Cloud and Present Mic! I apologize for pulling you out of your classes, but it seems you both are being called to assist Gran Torino with something he found." Nezu explained. The two men in the room looked at each other confused.

"What does he need us for?"

"Well it seems that they have another one of those Nomus in custody. I think you may remember the name Shota Aizawa?"

·············

Shirakumo was BEYOND annoyed about the situation. It must be a mistake. Their old friend was not some gruesome quirk experiment accompanying the Hero Killer. Shota Aizawa wanted to be a hero, despite feeling that he was inadequate for such due to the nature of his quirk. It has to be a mistake.

"How much longer-"

"Calm down will you! I'm frustrated about this too. There's no way it could be him, but... who knows."

They arrived at the police station withing a few minutes and walk inside. They see Gran Torino standing there waiting for them. They follow him to where Tsukauchi is finishing up with questioning the person inside. Looking through the window, Shirakumo and Yamada's eyes widen with disbelief. The other person looked just like...

"Ah Present Mic, Loud Cloud. Thank you for arriving on such short notice. I know you are both very busy men."

The two Pro-Heros turn to the detective as he stepped out of the interrogation room. Present Mic appeared alarmed and Shirakumo just looked... mad.

"Well it appears that he doesn't remember anything before being experimented on. We have a case of amnesia on our hands."

Shirakumo practically growled,"Experimented on? What the hell are you going on about detective!?" Why was Tsukauchi being so damn vague?

"That man in there is indeed Shota Aizawa. His base quirk of Erasure is still there and DNA results confirm this. From what I'm gathering, fifteen years ago he was kidnapped and had been subjected to illegal drug testing as well as having multiple quirks forced into his body. He's a more sophisticated Nomu it seems."

"More 'sophisticated'? What stopped him from having brains popping out of his skull like all the others we've seen?" The voice hero questioned. Something wasn't adding up here.

"All for One..."

The other three men became tense.

"Isn't... Isn't that the villain All Might fought at Kamino Ward?"

"According to him, it seems that All for One was the one who did this to him personally, there was extra care in your friend's 'recreation'. As to what his added quirks are, we're not sure yet of what they are or even of how many."

Gran Torino turned to the younger men,"We were hoping that you two would talk to him. Maybe to help trigger any memories from before his disappearance."

"So what? You think the 'power of friendship' is going to magically bring back his memories?" Shirakumo scoffed at how ridiculous that would actually be.

"No, but miracles do happen. I've seen many things during my time. They are rare, but they happen."

"Shirakumo," Present Mic started, "if there is even a slim possibility of getting Sho's memories back, shouldn't we at least try? For him?"

Shirakumo sighed at his words, "Fine. For Shota's sake."

The two younger men walk inside.

--------

"Shota?"

'Who were they talking about? Is that his name?'

After the detective had left the room, two other men had walked in. He assumed they were Pros based on the costumes. No normal person dressed in THAT much leather (referring to Present Mic).

"Do you... remember us, Shota? Hizashi and I?"

It looks like they ARE talking to him. He shook his head no. This was the first time he has seen these two men. The way they were looking at him made him uncomfortable.

"Sho...ta? Is... that my name?"

The two men standing winced at his croaking voice. In all honesty, he would sign, but he had no clue if these two even knew sign language. So he just resorted to talking.

"Do you remember your own name?"

"No."

"Do you... remember us?"

The raven haired man shook his head, 'No.'

"Is... Shota my name? Do you know me? I'm sorry I- I'm just... so confused."

His voice was so raspy and weak. Black hair covered the scar under his eye. Hizashi and Oboro wore sad looks on their faces at the sound. The taller of the two, Oboro, knelt down by the man's knees.

"Yes. We do know you. Your name is Shota Aizawa. You were once a member of UA's class 2-A about fifteen years ago." Oboro started as he gently pried one of Shota's hands from the yellow blanket the officers gave him. His arm was covered in scars... like his legs. God only knows what they did to him all those years. Hizashi just observed their movements, unsure of what to do he added on to what Shirakumo said.

"You love cats and taking naps, you were the most rational one out of the three of us. All three of us had dreams of starting an agency together..."

The two pro-heros continued talking for what felt like hours. Shota listened to every word as they recounted their old adventures from highschool. Maybe with enough luck, they could help Shota get him memory back. Shirakumo was starting to think that the raven wasn't ever getting his old memories back until...

"Sushi... I- We had a cat named Sushi?"

Hizashi had flung himself so fast to Shota as he held onto him tightly and cried. Shirakumo also had a tear-streaked face, but he held a blinding smile as he watched Shota awkwardly pat the blond's back.

Miracles do happen.

More of this angst shit coming soon ;)

[and-dreaxoxo]

2020' Rea Parkner Project

5 | Sunflower - Post Malone, Swae Lee (Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse, 2018)

Requested by @flowersofparkner @frog-in-tom-hollands-mouth

Character: Peter Parker, Harley Keener

Category: Pre-Relationship | Post Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) | Food & Drinks | Gift |

You're a sunflower, I think your love would be too much.

--------------------------------------------------

Harley's is 100% sure with his plan today. Not until Peter show up in the lab without any smile or story of his school. He just came up, sat on his desk, and continued his unfinished projects.

That's enough to make Harley confused. Peter never do something like that, not as long as Harley started work in the lab about a year ago and always in the lab when Peter come. It's kind of first time.

"You've got problem, Parker?"

And Peter not answering his questions, he didn't even look away because of course he's already put his goddamn headphones. So, Harley stuck in this silentness, which is weird. After 30 minutes, Peter finished his project and go from there, not even giving Harley a damn smile or wave.

That's more than enough to make Harley rethink about his plan.

---

Peter is always something since Harley first met him. His smile, his Bambi eyes, and his nerd science shirt, Harley just can't. The way his shy face after he realized he talked too much about the last Star Wars movie in front if Harley, red blushing in his cheek after Tony tell Harley some of fire case in lab which is hilarious for him, his happiness every gathering night in tower, whether it's movie night, boardgame play, karaoke...

Peter is everything about happiness, except when the day he came up to the Tower in blood, tears, and failed heroic story. When he got shot, hit, or can't save people, he turn into sadness. That's something to make him fall for Peter.

People would describe him as sadness until he meet his own happiness. And, it's just for his family, Mama and Abby, Tony & Pepper, Happy & Rhodey, and now, Peter

Peter Parker.

Harley look at his gift for Peter. He sighed. May said Peter has something with flower and as she remembers when Peter's young, he really likes sunflower that Ben bought for her as weekly routine. His Mama, Macy Keener said boy like Peter is love something that physically similiar with his favorite object. Tony said Peter likes to eat because of his super metabolism. Ned & MJ confirmed that fact and added fries as symbol of friendly that could led to something, which Peter knew it but he's recognize in the end.

But, now, Peter is not here and looks in bad mood, Harley assuming that, since he can't just ask FRIDAY and had to connect with KAREN which will lead to Peter. So he just laying in the couch, seeing the necklace, gold sunflower that could be opened and there's the seeds with word "you are my sunshine", the thing he want to give Peter so bad. People would say it's too girly, but fuck 'em, he has to ask May, his Mama, and MJ. They're 100% sure and agreed with it and Harley couldn't resist their opinion.

Yeah, now he failed to make the first move, the first move since this feeling started long time ago. Stupid Harley.

"Harley, you have one unread messages from Spider-Man,"

As FRIDAY tell him, he immediately run to his Stark watch that abandoned in couch, and open the messages.

Spideybaby: Meet me in 15?

Harley is confused.

"It's like 5 minutes ago you didn't even look at me and now you asking me to go? The fuck?"

But he answer.

The Mechanic Lad: okay, see you

Harley pack the necklace in his pocket. He also grab his nano tech suit, because it might be trap but it can't be (he sure about that and don't ask him again how he can be). He made it on time.

There's nothing except Peter, in his clothes as before, look like idiot because of he talk alone. Maybe with KAREN but whatever. He's not facing Harley at all so Harley start calling from behind.

"'Sup, Pete? Anything go wrong?"

Peter stops his conversation and turn around to look at Harley.

"Wanna go out?"

---

After sightseeing New York from different ways and way, having new knowledge about this city that he lived for one year, watching people doing painting in some spots and try some (because Peter know these people), now they're standing in front of fries restaurant.

"Tadaa! Here we are! Best restaurant in New York, bet you couldn't get better fries except this,"

He's not wrong, because Harley would order food from here too if he could ask Peter first. But for the goddamn reason he didn't, so Peter make the first move.

Peter let Harley choose for them, but Harley resist and said, "You're the one who taking me out, why would I choose for us?"

So, they're eating together and Peter still talking about the paint they did. His eating behavior became funny.

"You such a mess,"

"Hey, if you don't like me at my worst, you don't deserve me,"

"Oh, really?"

Peter's pouting and Harley laugh. They finished the food and go out, walking for a bit till Peter stops. He turns back and frowned.

"Wanna sightseeing from up?" Peter smirking.

---

"Best view ever!" Harley commented, not lie, it's from his deep heart. New York looks amazing. It's not like from Stark Tower this city not amazing, but changing view is kinda refreshing.

Peter chuckling and look at Harley, "Yeah, best view ever,"

They sat in silence in few minutes, before Peter start again, "Hey, Harley." Harley turn his head over Peter and Peter giving him a box.

"What? Is it for me?"

"Yeah, open it,"

The box is a gift. When he open it, there's a necklace with small pedant. It's...

"Arc reactor necklace? I..." The light blue from arc reactor necklace is so soft and adorable. There's light play that make Harley in awe. "It's beautiful,"

Peter look at the necklace then Harley, "I've been working on it about 3 months. Can't get over easily, 'cause y'know, the detail, the color, it's really freaking me out. I had to begging Tony to tell me about how his old arc reactor look when he first met you. I guess it's something I want to give you for, uhm,"

"What?"

"It's like we just met in one year and I-I really like you, like a lot and it's not just as friends, uhm,"

Harley laugh and take his gift from pocket. His bite his lips, he really should do it.

"Um, actually, I've been meaning to give you this if I could make the first move, but at earlier I thought you're in the bad mood-"

"I make up my plan-"

"That turns out you're planning to take me out which is amazing, so," Harley takes a breath, "it's for you," Harley handed the necklace.

"Oh my, it's sunflower. I, oh my goodness this is the best thing I've ever seen, I really love it!"

"There's something in the seeds, by the way,"

Peter open the cover and read it, "You're my sunshine. Harley, I-"

"You're the sunflower and the sunshine. That's what described you as a person and someone I like,"

They look at each other, softly and warm, like the first when they met each other. It's worth, do it. Their mind tried to convince each one of them.

"Be my boyfriend?"

Peter said "yes" at the same time. Harley grin and Peter blushing. Then Harley kisses first, he makes Peter melt with him, he want to feel 'they'.

When their lips separated, now Harley is the one who blushing.

"Now, you make the first move,"

"Bold of you to assume I wouldn't."

--------------------------------------------------

I've been thinking so hard to make this fic. Thank you for asking♥️♥️♥️

[sakurapeace]

One-shot for day 6 of RayEmma week with the theme of seasons. Let me know if you enjoyed! As it’s short, I’ll post it on here, but feel free to support me on AO3 or Wattpad as well!

________

Title: Fruition

Words: 1720

Summary: Oh, the pain of picking apples. Oh, the troubles it causes for Emma and Ray. The awkward happenings that come with the picking of red fruits causes Ray some great distress.

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"Hey, Ray! Come here for a second!" Emma called out to him, motioning him to come with her hands.

Ray looked at her with a blank stare. She didn't look like she needed help with anything, so why would she call for him? Either way, he obliged and walked over to her who was standing under a tree.

Emma and Ray's whole family was making their way over to the jaw of the lion. They were called there by William Minerva. After their shelter got taken over, they decided to go to where Minerva wanted to meet them.

It was on this journey that the group stopped for a while in order to forage some food for the whole family to eat. Some of the other older kids were watching over the children, so Ray and Emma decided to head out together a little farther to find some more food.

"Take a look up there," Emma said, pointing up. Under the tree, she pointed up to its branches. Ray did as he was told, and looked up to where she was pointing.

"Oh, guess its the season for apples," Ray said in a monotone voice.

"Huh? Aren't you excited?!" Emma exclaimed, looking at him. "Fresh fruit that we know out here! Doesn't that sound delicious?!"

Ray gave a small shrug. "I don't really care," Ray told her. "Food is food."

Emma gave a small pout. "Anyways, help me pick it, Ray."

Ray raised an eyebrow and gave her a look. "Help you pick it? Are you kidding me? You're a monkey, go up there and pick it yourself!"

"Hey!" Emma said, slapping his shoulder. "I'm not a monkey!"

"Yeah right," Ray said, pointing at her and laughing teasingly. "Back at Grace Field, you were the one who climbed the most trees as if your life depended on it. I still remember all the times Mama scolded you, Emma."

Emma blushed. "Okay, maybe I did a lot as a kid... But still help me, they're really high up there!"

Ray looked back up high at the apples hanging there. He gave a small sigh. "I do admit, they're high up there, but you're the athletic one, Emma. I'm not confident enough to climb up there and get them with you."

And he looked over to see Emma giving him a look. A blank expression. But then, she started brimming with confidence, and there was a sparkle in her eyes. "Ah, okay! Leave it to me, Ray!" She cried out happily.

Ray watched as Emma suddenly hugged the trunk of the tree and scootch herself higher and higher. Perhaps she was happy that she was being relied on by him? Or maybe she just wanted to be better at something than him? Well, Ray was just telling her the truth. She was the athletic one, not him... though he doesn't trail off that far behind, she's the monkey in their family, not him.

Soon enough, Emma was high up there. She reached the top, where she started picking apples. There were only a couple near the trunk, so Emma started reaching out to the apples hanging on the branches a little further out.

"Be careful!" Ray yelled up to her. He watched as she struggled to reach out for an apple just out of her reach. Ray was starting to get worried, it was a long drop from there. Maybe he should have been the one to go after all.

"Just... a little... more...!" Emma murmured as she continued her struggle for that one particular apple.

Then, the inevitable happened. Emma lost her grip and started falling.

"Emma!" Ray gasped.

"Ray!" Emma cried as she fell. She curled herself in a ball and squeezed her eyes shut, awaiting the impact of hitting the ground.

Ray ran up to her and grabbed her just in time. He grabbed her just before she hit the ground. He had sweat drip on his face due to the fear of her falling. When he held her in his arms, he saw she wasn't opening her eyes.

"Emma!" Ray cried out, lightly slapping her face. "Are you okay?!"

Emma perked up. She stared at him with wide, bewildered eyes and Ray breathed a sigh of relief. She was okay.

"Whoa, that scared me!" Emma said, reaching out to hug Ray. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and Ray felt his heart beat a little quicker. "Thank goodness you were here to catch me! Sorry that I let you down though."

"Don't worry about that, stupid," Ray said, squeezing her tighter. After a minute of ensuring she was safe, he let her go. Emma got up, and Ray picked up the apples that she dropped off of the ground and put them into their basket.

"The apples on this tree aren't worth it," Ray told her, holding her hand. "Come on, if you really want more apples, we can look a little farther out."

Ray dragged her by the hand. Sure he wasn't one to hold her hand often, but he still wanted to find relief that she was safe. He missed his chance to check her for injuries.

They went a little farther out, and sure enough, they found another apple tree, though this one was smaller than the other.

"I can climb this one, easy!" Emma chirped, walking up and hugging the trunk of the tree.

Ray grabbed her by the collar and pulled her back, shocking Emma. "Oh no, you're not," Ray growled at her. "I'm going instead."

"But you said so yourself!" Emma complained. "I'm the athletic one!"

"And also the one who almost got herself killed just a minute ago for like, the tenth time," Ray shot back. "I'm going instead."

Emma refused to let go of the tree, despite how much Ray tried to pull her away. She was being stubborn. "No, no, no! I'm going!" Emma yelled.

Ray continued to pull on Emma, who wouldn't let go of the tree as if he was separating her from her lover. Ray sighed. He knew this was one of Emma's perks... being stubborn in one of the most ridiculous ways.

"Alright, let's compromise," Ray said, letting go of Emma. "Get up on my shoulders. At the very least, I feel more at ease this way than having you climb the tree."

"What? No!" Emma said, raising her hands and shaking her head. "Ray, I'm heavy!"

"What? No, you're not," Ray said, confused. Her? Heavy? Since when? To prove his point, he wrapped his arms around Emma and suddenly lifted her high off the ground, making her shriek.

Emma sat on Ray's arm with ease. He looked up at her and smiled, while she looked down at him with embarrassment.

"See? What did I say?" Ray said with a smirk. "I wouldn't be able to catch you if you were heavy, Emma."

"Okay, okay, I get it," Emma said, looking away, though Ray saw the tint of pink in her face. "Let me down so I can get on your shoulders!"

Ray nodded and let her down. He knelt to the ground, and Emma took this chance to climb up on his shoulders. He lifted her off the ground so that Emma could reach up and grab the apples.

She picked them off the branches one by one, her arms gradually filling with apples.

"How's the picking going?" Ray asked as he was unable to see.

"Okay, it's just a little hard to reach some of them," Emma said as she attempted and failed to reach for one of them.

"Don't stress yourself out trying to grab all of them, Emma," Ray told her. "We'll still be able to feed them all."

"I know, I know," Emma said with a warm look on her face. "I just want the children to be able to taste fresh apples again is all."

"They'll understand that you wouldn't be able to grab them all cause you're still a shorty," Ray teased with a smirk on his face.

Emma could almost sense his smirk. She stopped what she was doing and leaned down. She grabbed one of the apples out of her arms and stuffed it into Ray's mouth.

"Wha-?!" Ray tried to say, but couldn't because of the apple.

"You deserve it," Emma said, giggling. "Consider it a gift for helping me."

Ray knelt to the ground and Emma happily jumped off him. When she saw the flustered look on his face, she only laughed harder. Ray took the apple out of his mouth. threw it to the ground, and hissed at her. "Stupid Emma," He hissed.

"Anyways," Emma said, brushing it off with the wave of her hand. "I can't reach the higher ones. Can you do it? Your arms are longer."

Ray raised an eyebrow at that question. "How am I supposed to do that?" Ray asked. "I'm not that tall."

"I'll carry you on my shoulders!" Emma chirped.

Ray flinched. "Emma, no," Ray said with a look on his face. "You can't do that."

"Just watch me!" Emma retaliated.

Before Ray could even react, Emma ducked and threw her head under his legs. She grabbed him and hoisted him up on her shoulders. Ray was flustered, but somehow he didn't lose balance due to Emma's insanity. She was actually doing it.

"I did it!" Emma exclaimed, a wide grin on her face.

Ray was massively embarrassed. He covered his face with his hands and looked down. He couldn't believe Emma was carrying him on her shoulders. With ease, too.

"I freaking hate you right now," Ray muttered from under his breath.

"Emma! Ray!" Oliver called from afar. He ran to the two, and Emma, hearing his yelling, turned around to face Oliver, a great big grin still on her face.

As Oliver got closer, he awkwardly started slowing down as he realized there was a weird scene in front of him. Emma... was carrying Ray on her shoulders? And Ray was looking extremely embarrassed. And what's with the apples everywhere?

"You two... just what are you doing?" Oliver asked cautiously.

Emma still sported a huge smile while Ray wouldn't look up from covering his face with his hands.

"Nothing," Ray moaned, sparing the tiniest glance in Oliver's direction.

"Don't you dare tell anyone."

[bandomgay]

My brain to yours pt.1 b.u

Tw: blood,gore,self harm,violence,hallucinations,slight mention of an ed

Au: hey babes this is gonna be my 5th time trying to post this and i want death so bad...however if there is any confusing things or typos or things seem to quickly paced im sorry thats just my brain babey! Enjoy...i guess

Word count: 1,894

It all started when he was about 6 years old, he never spoke ever,not that he couldn't he just wouldn't, his parents were worried about his development,however nothing was ‘wrong', he had a quite developed thinking process for a child, but it wasn't a good one for his age nor was it a normal one,no child should be so terrified of talking to people and being thought lesser of as his voice shook violently while trying to say the easiest of sentences.

he understood people to early into his young life ,he got the memo that everything was too stupid and too hard to understand so he gave up . his mother took him back and forth to hospitals and child psychologists ,his mother scared for what was to come of him could this weirdness she didn't even have a name or diagnosis for develop into something more as he grew? She thought, would he be normal? Would he be like the other children who laughed and giggled at the littlest of things? Would he be happy like them? She had decided to push her concerns into the back of head deciding that maybe he was just awkward it's okay to not fit in hes a fucking 6 year old boy maybe it's not that deep.

he was now in the 3rd grade now and teachers became more and more loud and responsive with their problems, he thought maybe whatever bad stuff they had going on at home they just needed to vent threw aggressiveness and shaking hands and restless mornings,but however it was their screams he didn't care for, he looked them in the eye wondering what he had done wrong, however he didn't care enough to continually think about it, but he realized slowly that couldn't feel anything like the red faced teacher did, he’d envy the poor mannered teachers feelings if he could, just how they could get so angry and fed up with kids who were disgusting and vile and how he never felt that…... he never felt anything at all .Now he was in the 5th grade he had to repeat the 4th grade due to staggeringly low grades and his failed attempts at homework he never seemed to have remembered. Things were getting hard to remember, so hard to remember what the teacher had said in the classroom that seemed to fade away after he was picked up by his mom and the sheer silence of the drive home and his mothers sneaking looks into the mirror with furrowed eyebrows at her son who never told her how his day went.

In school it was just so easy just to drift off in the land of dark swirls and dark worlds filled with make believe that he couldn't separate from the real world that never seemed to go away and darkness he felt comfort in his head till he heard nothing but the disgusting laugh of a teacher who had looked as if she wanted to deck him in the face ( he imagined about 3 different scenarios of how that actually could have occured, he held back a giggle and a sly smirk) as she snapped her wrinkled hands in his face “earth to brendon” he heard the aged feminine voice laced with anger repeat twice but he had failed to tune into the first reminder he was too dissociated to notice, he came too but didn't understand her reasonings of not just leaving him alone and let him rot and break free and he soon heard the fits of laughter coming from children he knew he was too weak to stop.

he wanted to do terrible things to everyone in that very room including himself, a dark desire he couldn't contain from his mind but he never followed through with these type of thoughts. he could never seemed control them he thought of them like messages being sent from an unknown source in the back of his head that had an invisible connection to someone he could see but nobody else could he dared himself if he could just pull at the cord in his head he wouldn't have those those thoughts, the figure never showed up in the same form it could be the shadows of dirty rain water coming from outside showing like a projection on the dingy beat up wall rising above him to claim a mental dominance , or the rotten stain of mold on the bathroom floor that now seemed to have a charming glow yet secretive smile or the bag of dirty clothes that sat high up on its rounded edges now smiled at him and watched him threw the night .

now it was the 7th grade and things had went to shit,it was already shit but it had gotten no better, fits of depression had left him wanting to call a hitman on himself and letting himself be cut open so all the organs in his body to be shot out of him or rip his jaw and everything behind it out of his body but he was too fatigued to think about it anymore his brain seemed to have stopped working back in the 6th grade, he could never think clearly a heavy fog on his brain he could never do much for himself he found the most simple of things he couldn't do, he couldn't pay attention, he felt dizzy at random times becoming feverish and not thinking about why because he couldn't think he thought process lessen and lessened with every passing day until all there were was thoughts of gore and death,sadness and the never ending thought of killing anyone or anything that had managed to make him want death even more.

he just continued to fade in and out of reality staring into the wall for to long or unknowingly staring at the couple of people who he thought was calling him pathetic and worthless with the contradictory voice telling him he's so much better than the disgusting people he saw and that they didn't deserve to smile they don't deserve happiness even though they’d never even spoken a word to him, they were never mean to him. he started pinching,stabbing,pulling at his hair,clawing at himself hard trying to see if he could care that he'd just hurt himself he continued to hurt himself hoping somewhere in the back of his mind he start to feel things, to show him he's real everyone sees him, but his inner self knew what he was doing he wasn't just trying to see if he was a real person he was punishing himself because he couldn't do what the rest of the real kids could do he couldnt plop himeself in a hard metal chair and take a test without thinking about what a disgusting person he was, without hearing them say he wasn't shit that his brain is mush that he couldn't understand the easy directions how he could get so angry and mad without hesitation how he could imagine killing his parents im cold blood… he stomped on his own foot,why is he thinking about this why is he thinking about this why, they creeped back up on him showing him images of his brother and sisters dead and gutted his parents choking on blood and vomit pale and dying, he hated himself for thinking these things,but if it was possible for him to be completely honest with himself he didn't care if they had died or not he just didn't have the ability to care.

He couldn't look people in the face without seeing these images of grewling faces pushed together in piles of pink and red flesh crawling into each others organs which looked rotten and distorted, why was he seeing this things these disgusting things these things… he wouldn't admit to himself that everytime he looked in the mirror he tried not to vomit he tried to hard, he bashed in the mirror bloodlying his hand, his hiss echoing in the empty bathroom he couldn't go to the nurse he couldn't look her in the eye and see her like that, besides he was on the first floor and he was too weak to go all the way to the fourth floor he knew he would pass out, he felt something pooling in his stomach it was anxiety he felt the cramping in his stomach and the salivating in his dry mouth, he vomited into the sink, he hasn't eaten anything in about 3 weeks so the pain of dry heaving for almost half in hour into the sink made him dizzy and ultimately pass out. he had now awoken to bright lights that made him nauseous and whimper, he was in the hospital again. he tried so hard not look the nurses and doctors in the eye and seeing horrific images in his mind of them dead, rotten maggot filled and bloody be he regained his ability to see the normally after a while.

“Brendon honey…” his mommy's voice was there “mommy...hi mommy” he said in a broken whisper. She had realized he never calls her mommy unless something's wrong he wasn't aware that he was, he turned to the right finding an iv carefully placed into in scarily pale arm “honey...they found you in the bathroom your hand was cut up...you where passed out what...t?” she silenced herself for a moment seconds later starting up again. “They found you in the bathroom..the mirror was broken and your hand was cut pretty deep and passed out” he mouth trembled a bit, she moved his sweaty bangs out of his forehead, he felt wetness on his skin his own uniform shirt clinging to his skin he was sweating.

He didn't feel real he didn't respond properly to what she had said he only looked away.. And said “dizzy….everything hurts…” he was so surprised he felt something but if feeling was like this he didn't want it. “I d..don't wanna feel like this..can you make it stop mommy please?!” Nani was absolutely terrified she'd never been so scared for her little boy, “its gonna be okay,sweetie...i swear..to god i swear…” in this moment if she was honest she didn't believe there was a god, no god would do this to her son, she turned around after hearing the door and hard footsteps.

“Hello ms. Urie im dr. Yakima, i will be assisting and diagnosing your son” she nodded softly wanting her son to be okay. “Hey son,open your eyes for me,i'm here to help” brendon heard a much more distorted version of what the doctor had said than nani did, but then again he was fading in and out. He handed her pills and said firmly “these are anti-nausea and pain killers i'm gonna give these to him and he will feel much much better i promise..” He was right it with his cocked up eyebrow and charming smile that sparkled with calmness and reassurance that worked its way into nani. the medication  worked but not instantly. “Sit up honey..” She said softly, he followed what she said slowly with a wrecked groan and intense muscle pain however there was no rush.

[helloandwelcometomariasblog]

Review #69: Love in the Moonlight

I was going to write about this drama after I finished the last episode, but I'm halfway through and I just can't contain myself anymore.

This drama is such a joke. I'm honestly laughing incredulously here. Well, I'm up to the part where Yoonsung goes to fetch Raon with a bunch of guards behind him to - in his own words to his dad - "test the depth of his feelings for her". What a joke. You know and I know and he knows and we all damn know that he's too soft hearted to hurt anyone. And the writer is expecting us to believe that he would hurt Raon? The girl he's in love with? The girl he would go against his long-term friend and family for? The only girl he's ever liked even after frequenting a hundred kisaengs? Yeah, right.

That is this writer's biggest downfall. They're just too much of a softie. I'm pretty sure this writer fell in love with their own characters, so much to the point where they're too mushy-hearted to do anything bad to them. This happens multiple times throughout the drama, I can't even count. Nothing bad EVER happens to the characters. Well, let me rephrase that. Nothing bad EVER lasts for long with these characters - because the writer just can't bear to see them suffer for long!

Think about it. EACH damn time Raon and Young have to go through a tearful and heart-wrenching separation, they just get back together in the next episode or even earlier. The writer can't pull through with their own storytelling. The separation of the two main characters is always presented in this intensely tear-jerking fashion as though it's the hardest thing they have to go through, but in less than an hour there the prince is AGAIN, and all I can do is sit here and cry out in frustration because there are no stakes! How are we as the audience supposed to be sad and emotionally invested and feel like their love is a life and death situation when it just really ISN'T?

The examples go on and on. Think about the time Byeongyeon sacrificed himself for Raon and the prince. (Don't worry, Raon's unbearable passivity is coming up in another huge post of its own.) I actually liked that scene. I mean, yeah I love Byeongyeon as a character (more than Raon for sure) but his death meant something. It was an incredibly meaningful moment. You could see how much love he had for the prince and the entire scene was done pretty well, including the dialogue. And then what happens? HE DOESN'T DIE. Like, really? Okay, so he got shot by several arrows (and one of them definitely hits very close to his vital organs) and gets slashed by a sword and he still LIVES? So a hundred other people who gets slashed just once in the drama all die but this dude LIVES? Oh please. I swear, the moment I saw him lying down getting taken care of I wanted to smash the wall. That's not how it works! When you do that, you totally destroy the meaningful scene that you initially set up. If he comes back to life so easily, what was his death for? What meaning does it hold now? Ultimately, it tells the audience that nothing really is at stake, and that all of the "important" characters will come out unscathed. Nothing bad will ever happen to them. And what does this do? It destroys every ounce of tension in the drama. Nobody in the audience is going to ever feel that the situation in the drama is a life and death situation. Because it isn't.

That's really bad writing. One of the first things I learned in my screenwriting class was that you gotta put your main character through hell and you gotta have zero sympathy. You have to keep making bad things happen to them. The moment you become a softie, the tension just goes splat. It's really got to feel like a life and death situation and the stakes have to feel REAL. At the moment, the drama does none of that.

That's why I had to stop watching and rant when Yoonsung (of course) takes out his sword and slays the guards. Of course. I wasn't expecting anything else anyways. Who in the world would even think Yoonsung would do something other than protect Raon? Well, for a second I guess I was kind of hopeful - but only for a second, because the drama of course ruined it as quickly as possible. The drama never lets things simmer and turn bad. The writer is too weak-hearted for that. They probably can't bear to see any of their characters suffer for long. So of course Yoonsung would take out his sword but of course it wouldn't be to harm Raon. Of course he would stop at the SLIGHTEST squeak from Raon and start slaying all of his guards lol. I was trying really hard from not typing lol but I really can't help it. It's just too incredulous.

If only the writer would pull through with their threats. If only they would actually let things go bad. Then the tension would rise and rise and the rubber band would be pulled and pulled tight until all that's left to do is for it to snap and all hell breaks loose, which is when you reach the story climax before the happy happy ending. Other dramas do this really well. Especially when they make the main couple break up for reasons outside their control. You really gotta milk that situation. But this drama just can't do that and has never done it. It's supposed to do that the most right now, when there are only so many episodes left until the end. However, the drama DOESN'T do that when it most needs to. I'm so frustrated.

Don't get me started on how much I hate Raon. Well, more like, how much I hate the way Raon is written by the writer. Raon used to be a great character in the beginning. But the moment she falls in love with the prince - well, let's say "falls in love" but where's the evidence that she even loves him? I could write ten pages on how much Raon doesn't love the prince and how passive and wide-eyed she is while the prince actually loves her and ACTS it out ALL the time. Okay, let's have a pause here, and I'll go watch the rest of the episode (well, try to) before going on another huge rant.

If you're going to do a sageuk, do it like 100 Days My Prince or don't do it at all. Or even like Scarlet Heart. At least the stakes there were huge. So many people actually died and the main girl was ACTUALLY tortured. The biggest advantage of sageuks (compared to modern dramas) are the fact that the situations can get really life-and-death. This drama didn't use any of that strong point. What a waste.

Okay. I just came back from watching the rest of Yoonsung's sudden attack on the guards and wow. I was not expecting HIM to die. After all that ranting I did up top about how the drama doesn't pull through and doesn't kill any of their important characters, this is kind of a huge blow. But I have to say, I don't understand why he had to die. When Byeongyeon sacrificed himself, it made all the sense in the world - with his sacrifice, he was able to save Raon, her dad, and even the prince. But didn't Yoonsung lead the guards to Raon himself? He then attacked the bunch of guards himself. Then you see Raon actually try to do something FINALLY but it might have been better if she hadn't done anything this time, cause he clearly got stabbed trying to save her. I guess I just wish his death was worth more than this. I really liked him as a character and I still feel like the drama did him dirty. He could have died a more meaningful death. Not like this.

Now everything is being wrapped up and I honestly feel like there was no real climax in this drama. Maybe it's coming up. Let's see. But from the look of things everything is being wrapped up like a pretty gift box with no imperfections. Have I also mentioned just how much I hate the fade out transitions in this drama? I honestly hate it. It feels like a cop out each time. It feels like a lazy cop out instead of following through with the action that is presented at the time.

As the drama wraps up, I gotta say that I've grown to really love the second female lead. I started off disliking her (just cause I liked the main couple too much back then) and thinking she was just a plot device but she's shown a lot of character throughout the time she was in the drama. SHE is the one who truly loved the prince and actually acted it out each time. And just as I say this, here we go again - the writer lets her off easy, making the king erase her princess-to-be history and ultimately making her sacrifice useless and bland. Sigh. Just LET people sacrifice and be selfless and just let the audience see and feel the deep worth in that! Why you gotta keep taking that away from us?!

I have finally finished the entire drama. I loved Young as a character and I love Park Bogum as the actor who acted him out. Young was BY FAR the best character in the drama, followed by Byeongyeon. Raon was annoying until the very end and even seeing her smile was annoying me. All I could think of was the fact that she was lifeless and had no personality and didn't even properly love the prince and even despite all that she was standing in front of him receiving his love. The prince deserves better.

[redheartsblog01]

For the first time in four years, I had an EEG test done again. I've been having these mini episodes. I felt extremely dizzy, this pressure on my brain, and usually I can focus myself out of them. I switched medication and they stopped for three years. They came back in late December. It was this sickening feeling of being dizzy and deja Vu, except my vision never got blurry. I talked to my neurologist about this. "You can't possibly think through a seizure, you have to black out to call it a seizure."

Well... One time I couldn't focus myself out of it. I blacked out. So we were back and I looked around. I looked at all of the children who had to have wires stuck to their heads and chest, wearing a battery bag around their arms, sleeping with it. I looked at teenagers and adults having to do the same thing.

Could it be that for once, what didn't separate us in age, brings us together with a diagnosis?

Hearing a four year old little boy saying "Ow!" For the hour that I felt the same feelings, except it didn't hurt, because I was used to it by now, I could only hope that those kids wouldn't have to go through this much longer. (Not that EEG's typically hurt, some people have more sensitive scalps than others)

I wanted to look at their parents and say "You're strong" and I wanted to look at the kids and say "Honey, this doesn't make you a burden, this makes you strong."

Sadly, I couldn't. I finally have the EEG off. We're bringing them back tomorrow because I infact did have an episode during the EEG, and I will stop at nothing to prove that what I've been having is small seizures. You CAN think through a seizure. You CAN focus yourself out of one. I'm going to get answers in two weeks. For years, what I've been having, has been seizures with auras. Which shouldn't be taken lightly considering that the type of epilepsy I have, is generalized.

So here's a message for other people with Epilepsy. I don't care what a neurologist or anyone else tells you, you know your brain better than you think. You know the uneasy feeling, and the feelings of disappointment and guilt. You know the amount of tears that you have cried. You know how you feel after you have a seizure. You know and they don't.

So if you or your kid or your sibling or anyone you know, is having an EEG done right now, or in the future.

Dear Parents: You are strong. You have to see your kids go through this and feel the unending disappointment. You have to see their tears and you try to keep your own from spilling out, but sometimes you can't, and that makes you feel selfish. It's not selfish to cry with your children. It's not selfish to be disappointed. You're not disappointed in them. You're disappointed that you thought that this wouldn't happen again, and here you are, comforting your child, who has a major migraine, who cried until they went to sleep, who possibly has bruises from falling, who possibly can't remember who or where they are. It's okay to feel traumatized. That's your child who just experienced this, and maybe they remember it, and maybe they don't, but you saw it happen. You're strong. Your child looks up to you. Your child feels guilty because they can't control this, and they love you so much, but it's not your fault that they feel guilty. It's the fact that this is something that neither of you can control. Keep staying strong and keep holding onto hope. Your child is strong, and so are you.

Dear People Diagnosed With Epilepsy: You aren't a burden. You aren't a burden because you're going through this. You don't deserve to go through this. No one does, but your parents love you. Your family loves you. Your friends love you. And the anxiety and depression that is brought on with medication? It can't hold you. YOU are unique, YOU are you. Your brain isn't weaker because you have seizures. Your brain is so powerful and amazing that even YOU can't handle it. But you can handle anything. You can take on the world and you will. You're strong. Your survival story will be even stronger. I don't care how old or young you are, this is your story, and don't stop until the book is finished. We are going to get through this together... As survivers.

If anyone wants information on what a seizure with an Aura is like, I found an article from WebMD that describes it perfectly. I also screenshot it and posted it. None of this material was written by me and it's not owned by me. I hope you get your answers.

Please don't give up on something that you always get up from in the end. Love you all, and have a great day!

[37h4n0l]

1) Don't worry, I (aka the anon who started it all) don't think your reply came off as hostile at all. It's just so tiring when you want to get some things that bother you off your chest and then the obligatory 'but not all xyz do this or that' happens. Yes, I do know that, but it's a generalization. Not all, but enough to make you think it may even be the better part of the fandom. That being said, I agree with all your points against YOI. OK, so the victuuri relationship may be a cute and

(Rest under the cut) (I also hope no one will lynch me for being lazy and putting this out without doing anything about censoring shipnames but I’ll spam it with all the possible anti tags, fear not)

fluffy one that makes you feel good and warm inside or whatever, but is there really a need to write essays analyzing every single gesture or facial expression and then feel proud of your analytical skills, as if you've just discovered a new planet? No, there is not. It's not that deep; it's actually as straightforward a show as it can be. The bashing of otayuri and pliroy is one thing and it has more to do with the general moral poilce anti trend that is spreading everywhere, so I wouldn't attribute it solely to the YOI fandom. Now on the other hand, the bashing of pliroy just because it's contradictory to otayuri, one of the holy doublet of YOI ships, is something that bothers me personally. It's almost as if shipping anything that directly contradicts victuuri/otayuri is a blasphemy in this fandom and generally looked down upon. I've actually seen someone outright ask why would anyone ship pliroy when otayuri exists/is canon/is clearly a better and more healthy option for Yuri etc. So, this and the constant victuuri/otayuri wank, while all the other characters/smaller ships are mostly a background noise to it; it really seems to me as if 5 fanarts out of 10 on my dashboard would feature victuuri, 4 would feature otayuri and there's only one left for other pairings (one-track-mindedness at its finest). And there's of course the fact that most YOI fans seriously think that victuuri is the first canon gay couple in the history of anime, that the anime itself is revolutionary and progressive, that victuuri is a prefect representation, that YOI is the actual anime of the year, because popularity doesn't lie, and if you dare to disagree with all of those, then you're clearly homophobic and whatnot. Plus, there's the invading of the tags unrelated to YOI (not even for the purpose of recommending other titles but to say something along the lines of 'if shit like xyz got a second season, then YOI deserves at least seven' - actually seen something like that with my own eyes) or hijacking of the serious topics (like the oppression of sexual minorities) and making them all about YOI. And that's just the top of the list of what the YOI fandom is guilty of. But hey, it's alright, because it's 'not all' YOI fans. Siigh. Sorry it got so long, but ugh. Sometimes I wish someone would just delete YOI from existence so that we would be spared of all this saltiness. As for 91d, you're probably right about everything but still, I'll never be able to understand why anyone would just voluntarily turn off their thought processes and comprehension skills just because of some personal biases, especially when it comes to a show such as 91d, that requires at least the bare minimum of thinking and analyzing. But whatever, I guess people nowadays are just too used to having everything spelled out to them and handed on a silver plattter (ex. they should've had it explicitly stated on-screen that Avilio and Nero didn't hate each other).

This goes for all the ‘not all’ arguments; the important thing is, as you said, how widespread a behaviour is statistically within a community, but also whether the other members acknowledge that it’s happening or not. I know it’s easy to take it personally when you hear someone complain about a fandom you’re in, but at that point it really only depends on wording (which is deliberately harsh when someone is just venting, it’s just the way it is). 

About meta; yeah, I find a lot of it superfluous as well, as I’ve said before. And by this I don’t mean it should be eliminated from the face of the planet, just that I don’t personally put the 2934892348th detailed explanation on why vn and yk love each other so much in the same ‘tier’ as, say, speculations about the second season or character parallelisms and stuff like that. It’s shipperwankery in the end and I don’t think me making fun of it harms anyone? The only thing I worry about is that it’s hard to separate banter from an actual serious opinion from time to time (could be about how I express myself? Probably yes). No, for the record, I don’t want to exterminate anyone who makes extensive posts about vn’s lustful glare. It’s just... There’s too much of it. Way too much. By the way, the ring controversy and the reaches made there will never not be funny, sorry not sorry.

A bit of a tangent on the otayuri-pliroy conflict; it always seemed so weird to me how similar the two ships are aesthetically? (Considering people keep confusing the two on fanart, I’d say that’s a major fuckup in terms of JJ’s and Otabek’s character design, but that might just be me). I keep getting the impression that they wanted the pliroy bait to go somewhere but then changed their mind for whatever reason and created otayuri as kind of a ‘tamer substitute’. But this is besides the point; it all brings me back to my personal beef with this tendency of positing ‘sugary sweet’ as the only acceptable standard for a relationship because... people are more sensitive nowadays? I can only guess. Viktuuri and otayuri got tied together for some reason, it’s like they come in a package and everyone who ships one has to run with the other as well. 

I grieve for the background characters and smaller ships as well, anon. Just imagine the sheer crack potential; and instead, everything gets pushed in the back in favour of the same things over and over. The things that could’ve been: victurio (the underage ship that tumblr will fucking lynch me for), emil/michele, sara/mila, georgi/yurio (yes I do love my crack), chris/victor, chris/that guy we saw in his room, yuuri’s sister/literally anyone (because I like her) and the list could go on and on. But this is not even always about the ship itself; it’s the dynamics, those are what popularizes things. Even when there are ships in other fandoms that have been popular for a longer time, there’s a tendency on tumblr to make them very mild and fluffy. I’m not saying there’s anything we can do about this, nor that something should be done about it, all I’m in opposition to is people who claim it’s the ‘right’ way to do shipping because it’s ‘healthier’ or something, as you put it.

Because popularity doesn’t lie

Thank you, this is exactly how I’d word it as well. The crux of this issue isn’t yoi being objectively good or bad, it’s whether popularity implies that something is good, or not. Or what ‘good’ even means in this context. My personal (salty) opinion is that there are anime that could be enjoyed just as much as (if not more than) yoi if only they got more exposure. I’m not talking about 91d either because I’ve already explained in detail what the problem with advertising it was in the previous post. And yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re talking about that certain addition to the Chechnya post. I can see it was well-intentioned but it was... well... a little bit out of place, to put it in euphemisms? ‘Too soon’, as they say? But, in the end, I’m sort of glad that yoi exists because if not anything else, it can be considered a massive social experiment, an example of fandom behaviour. And if it made some people happy, then I wish them all the best. The fixation with it will go away with time too, eventually.