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✨Writing Self-Evaluation 2024
thank youuuu @red-pandaaa for tagging me 🫶🏻
1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 4 this year! (10 total!)
2. Word count posted for the year: 262,441
3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction
4. Pairings: Louis Tomlinson/Harry Styles
5. Story with the most:
Kudos: i would know you from touch alone
Bookmarks: sunshine, baby! (literally 1 single bookmark more than iwkyfta or this would be a clean sweep)
Comments: i would know you from touch alone
6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): I think sunshine, baby! I did a lot of research for that fic into swimming and law school (and the olympics) and it's the longest thing I've ever written on my own.
7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): I'm really proud of all of them, but probably your brightest star only because I wasn't in a good place writing and pushed myself through most of it. I think it could have been better if I hadn't been so strict on myself for posting time, etc.
8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: I got so many really wonderful comments this year and every single one makes me go mush inside. In particular anytime someone says I'm one of their favorite authors or my fic is one of their comfort fics I just want to cry lol.
9. A time when writing was really, really hard: I started slipping into a rut in like May and didn't really claw out of it until October. During that time I wrote ybs and about 25k of a wip I've since put on the shelf. The whole time was such a struggle.
10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Louis' roommate Mina in sunshine, baby! surprised me a lot this year. I added her in a scene because I wanted Louis to say something in particular, but fully expected her to show up once. But I really loved writing her and then she ended up bring the kick in the ass he needed more than once and i love her so much.
11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: this is from i would know you from touch alone. I added this scene in editing and it's one of those moments that it seems impossible now for the fic to have existed without it. I love it not necessarily because of how its written, but it like such a good reminder that editing a million times can be really important to shaping the fic 😂 (I need that reminder for the next time I edit something to death)
Hours passed, the night crawled towards dawn, but still Harry and Oli sat diagonally to each other. At some point Liam came in. He had Harry’s broken phone in his pocket and a sad look on his face. Oli eyed him warily, but Liam just clapped a hand on Harry’s shoulder and sank into the chair next to him. Some time after that another Tomlinson came over and sat next to Oli. Harry didn’t know his name, but he’d been at the warehouse. Harry could so clearly picture him glaring at Harry over the barrel of his gun. Before long there were a handful of them who had migrated around Harry and finally he realized what it was. He was surrounded on all sides. He was protected.
12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I got really good at outlining this year! And being a bit more strict on myself about making sure I have things properly planned before I start writing (can you tell I've had problems with this in the past lmao). I also picked back up something I'd put aside that I was really afraid to try to rework and had convinced myself wasn't worth the effort. So I think trusting myself and the process more in general.
13. How do you hope to grow next year: I think maybe be a bit more risk taking lmao. I tend to play things safe or overthink everything, but I think some of the best stuff happens when you let yourself get a little silly.
14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 2024 was the year of @red-pandaaa saving my ass every 5 minutes lmao. We started working together at the end of last year and they helped with everything - beta reading, cheerleading, listening to me bitching and moaning. Oh and the friendship was nice too 🤣
15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Oh for sure, always. A lot of Louis in sb! was based off a friend of mine (actually a lot of sb! I pulled real life experiences for). I'm always putting places I've been, food I've eaten, weird personality quirks I have or friends have in fics.
16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Always know the ending before you start. You don't always need to know how to get there, but at least know where you're going.
17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I'm really excited to get back to the fic I put on hold in the summer. I think I'll start working on that in January (once edits for you're all i ever dreamed of are finished!!!)
18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.
@blueskiesrry @petitommo @wishingforloushair @28goldens @lunarheslwt @larry-hiatus
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SWAN ♡ PONZONA @ MUSIC CORE 210327
#purple kiss swan#park sujin#purple kiss#purkisource#purkissnet#femaleidolsedit#kpopstages#cheytermelon#userchoi#userdoyeons#sophiesee#(hi 💖)#rowan gifs#swan hours#*stage#💜#hey everyone do you know swan wrote ponzona with goeun and yuki when she was a trainee for evals#she was only seventeen at debut. baby teenage swan writing one of the banger debuts of all time#do you know do you understand do you get it
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Snippets: Free Day Thursday
Per the poll, we're going with "half of Spargus casually parents the boys and Jak doesn't know what to do with that"
Some context: this is set within a half-WIP where I was exploring ways to interpret Ashelin's manipulative little "or did the hero I know die in the desert?"
In this universe, Jak was technically clinically dead for almost 90 seconds because heatstroke is no joke and adding eco imbalance probably makes it worse. He was resuscitated inside the city walls, so the Wastelanders shrug and invoke a law as old as the city: "a "corpse" just took his first breath in our city, that makes him one of us by birth." And then he and Daxter got sent to live in the Arena barracks wing meant for younger Wastelanders (he's not loving it)
Jak was in a bad mood. He'd been up most of the night, dealing with flashbacks, and he was tired. He hadn't finished any of the work he'd been handed so far, and he was supposed to report to Damas in two hours for gods only knew what reason. In the three-odd weeks he and Daxter had been here, he'd spoken to the man all of twice. What had he done? They hadn't even let him go past the gate!
"Jak, you done with the-"
"No," Jak snapped. Immediately, he felt a little bad. Running a hand over his hair he sighed. "...sorry, Daxter."
Daxter narrowed his eyes. "You need a nap."
Jak looked away. It wasn't like he didn't know that. He bit down on a sharp retort.
He hated not finishing a task. It made him feel useless. Like a failure. But he was having so much trouble just. Focusing!
Sitting and tying nets back together was as repetitive as scrubbing the floors back in Sandover -- or the prison, occasionally, when the Baron was coming and the guards had to pretend they actually took care of the facility sometimes. It let Jak's mind wander. In the prison, that was a welcome escape. But after his escape, he didn't like letting his thoughts loose. They tipped into bad memories too often, and trying to remember the good ones was hard.
Right now, all Jak could really think about was the nightmare the morning dorm headcount had woken him from.
The image of Samos glaring down at him, hand on the controls of the Chair, was going to haunt him for a while.
The crews of the Looper, Half-Shark, and Black Eel moved along the beach, monitoring the kids from Dorm Five who had been assigned to help them. They were mostly in their late teens, like Jak, but there were a few unusually small ones -- a thirteen year old, a twelve year old boy and his eight year old brother -- given that they had nowhere else to go. There was a reason the other dorms called Five the Orphanage when they thought the matron couldn't hear them.
Most of the other ten kids were already done, or close to done. And Jak couldn't even do something he used to do all the time as a little kid.
"Y'alright there, sprout?" asked a gruff voice.
The captain of the Half-Shark stopped at the end of the pier with his hands on his hips. When Jak scowled and tangled his fingers in the cords, he made a knowing sound.
"One of those days, huh?"
"What days?" Jak growled.
The grizzled man winked and tapped a finger to his nose.
"Got a visit from the night hag, didn't ya? I won't tell. All sorts of dreams'll put shadows like that under a man's eyes in the night. You can take a break if you need."
"I'm fine."
Jak wove another two rows and knotted them in place. Silently, he willed the man to just go away. The last thing he needed was for any of the others to notice that he wasn't pulling his weight.
He'd never been around this many young people in his life. Ten was bad enough, but there were some hundred or more teenagers all told rotating through the barracks. The noise, the way they all knew each other already, it locked Jak's voice down eight times out of ten. They all stressed him out too much to even consider conversation.
Daxter claimed that he had two rivals and an archnemesis already. Jak didn't want to talk to any of them.
They were normal. Most of them had never been forced labor for a sage or a gangster or a resistance. They'd never been imprisoned, or tortured, or consistently told that if they weren't carrying everyone's burdens, they were worthless.
The only ones who had remotely similar experiences were the three who were rumored to have escaped Marauder slave camps. They didn't speak to anyone but each other, but as soon as he'd arrived they'd seemed to recognize the shadows hanging over Jak. During allotted mealtimes or when they were thrown out into the common area during the chaotically unstructured "free time", the two girls and the younger kid had started sitting silently with their backs to him: keeping watch so he and Daxter could eat. And Jak was not about to ask them what they'd gone through after that kindness.
Matron Pax reassigned Jak from room four to room eight within the week, putting him next door to the pale trio. All the "quiet kids" went on the same end of the hall. He appreciated that the woman paid attention to her charges' personalities, but he could've done without some of her rules.
"It ain't gonna do you no good to run yourself into the ground, son," the captain remarked. He folded his arms. "What's your hurry, anyhow? Ain't like you've got to earn amulets yet."
Jak looked up with incredulous annoyance.
"Yeah we do? We're "newcomers", remember?"
Daxter grimaced. "We don't even know how to drive!"
Captain Oaken raised his hairy eyebrows in surprise. Then understanding settled in.
"Ah don't mind them younger warriors. They're just bein' snots because they gotta earn their citizenship, while you're a born citizen."
Jak recoiled. "I think you've been out in the sun too long. I wasn't born here."
"We think," Daxter added helpfully, "We dunno where they snatched you from. Samos is a lying liar who lies, remember?"
Jak elbowed him and shook his head.
"Your king dragged us here half-dead."
"A good ways more dead than just half, remember?" Oaken corrected.
Suddenly, the midmorning sun felt cold. Slowly, he set the net down and stood up to look the captain in the eyes.
"What?"
"They didn't tell you?"
The captain sounded surprised. He scratched his nose and glanced back at the other teenagers. None of the others were close enough to overhear. Oaken lowered his voice anyway.
"Boy, you was dead dead a quarter of a minute before they got you in the gate. No pulse, not breathing. There was gawkers all over the place while his lordship got your pulse going again. Word got around."
Jak felt sick. Dead? He couldn't have been dead! He wasn't sure if fifteen seconds even counted. His brain would've still been active, right? His brain was still active, and he didn't remember any hypoxia.
Of course, he didn't remember much of anything else, either.
Technicality. It was only a technicality.
Calm down. Calm down, you didn't actually die. He's a fisherman. They tell tall tales. Probably thinks that's supposed to impress me.
"You alright, boy?" Oaken gestured to the pier. "Maybe you oughta sit, huh? You're looking pale."
When Jak only stared at him blankly, he patted the boy's shoulder gingerly.
"Don't let it get to you, eh? They brought you back, and it was inside the city walls. That's the part that matters."
Insane. These people were insane.
But...
If it meant he didn't have to fight to be allowed to stay, if it meant he maybe, hopefully, might actually have rights, maybe he could ignore some of the bizarre tendencies of this city that had...rescued? Captured? Conscripted them?
He never did finish the net. He was completely distracted for the remainder of the morning, wrestling with the implications. Eventually, the warrior on rotation as Dorm Five's resident advisor just excused him to report to the tower.
"What?! He's not even done!"
Luka glared at Jak and Daxter.
"Why does he get to leave early?"
The RA rolled his eyes at Luka.
"Because he got summoned. You could've left by now if you weren't goofing around with the fishhooks instead of cleaning the traps."
Luka sulked, but didn't say anything more about it. Jak fully expected the burly teenager to say something snide about it later that he'd probably have to smack him for. Luka, as he had been assured by the little kid, Koda, didn't like new people in the "orphan hall", and always gave newcomers a hard time. So what else was new.
"Ooooo, he's in trouble," one of the girls snorted in a sing-song voice.
Why were teenagers in Spargus so...childish?
____________________________________
Jak ignored them all. He had to follow a map to get to the citadel, avoiding people as much as possible. He tended to stay away from people anyway, but today especially he just wasn't in the mood for hu'men interaction. The one plus side of getting called up to talk to -- or be talked at by -- the king of this place was that it would probably be quiet.
Anything his dorm...neighbors...or whatever they were...said had to be taken with a heavy grain of salt. But Daxter had heard that the king didn't like more than a few people in a room with him at a time. Either he was paranoid about getting ganged up on, or he just didn't tolerate loitering like Torn.
"Hey, hold up!"
Oh now what?
Jak turned slightly to find a woman with a gunstaff approaching quickly. He tensed, ready for a fight, but she had a fairly casual expression.
In three steps she'd reached them, all while patting her pockets for something.
"Geez, I know the Youth Barracks had a population boom, but you'd think Pax would notice the naked kid."
"Excuse me?!" Jak sputtered, leaning away from her.
With an exclamation of triumph, the warrior produced a somewhat grease-stained rag. Without so much as a by-your-leave, she plucked the cap and goggles from Daxter's head and wrapped the rag around his brow and the back of his neck, just like Jak's scarf. When she deemed the result satisfactory, the warrior slapped the goggles back on him.
"Okay, carry on."
Both boys stared at her.
"What was that?!" Daxter squawked, "Did you just put a grease rag on my head?!"
"Didn't have a handkerchief." The warrior shrugged. "Listen, pipsqueaks, Foothills clan learned a long time ago: fur don't save you from sunburn. You'll thank me later."
Jak exchanged a glance with Daxter. It was true that Daxter's skin had been extra sensitive lately. They'd just assumed it was the heat and sweating. Neither had considered that he could get sunburned.
A little chagrined, Jak looked up at the woman and muttered a quick thanks. He waited, assuming she wanted something in trade. Everyone seemed to barter here, rather than pay in paper orbs.
"Alright, scram," the lady said, waving them off nonchalantly. "You look like you got chores or something. Don't ever say Mel didn't do nothin' for ya, huh?"
Jak didn't speak for the next two turns in the neighborhood. Daxter was more than happy to fill the silence for him.
"Is this what it's like bein' you?" the ottsel asked, hanging over his shoulder, "The eyes all the time? Peeps just comin' up and decidin' stuff about ya? Not that I blame em for lookin, but it does start to wig an ottsel out."
He'd once assumed that being the center of attention was all he really wanted. Even negative attention was still attention, and Daxter had learned every way to provoke people, just so they would have to acknowledge his existence. But now he wondered if there was such a thing as too much of a good thing. Because if he and Jak got into trouble, Jak wasn't the one getting all the consequences anymore. They didn't just tack Daxter on as an accompanying afterthought to "help", no, it was much worse. Matron Pax had proved adept at finding ottsel-sized chores to make him do!
On the one hand, he was being acknowledged as his own person, being nagged at to eat at the same time as everyone else, to stay in his room after lights-out, to go to school (or what passed for school here).
But on the other hand, he couldn't get away with rot anymore!
"I never know what these people want," Jak grumbled as the tower finally came into view. "Are we here to work, or are we being patronized? They're watching us, Dax. I know we're being monitored. There's no way people would randomly stop a stranger to make him fix his scarf."
"Or scold us for carrying three ammo crates at once," Daxter added.
"Or drag us off the street at noon to make us sort beads until noon rest was over," Jak agreed. "Nobody just...does that for strangers. Especially not a city where you're either useful or deadweight."
One more person tried to stop them when they got to the tower. Jak actually remembered this guy's name. Watchman Chayne guarded the elevator up to the throne room. He was a pretty easygoing guy, compared to most Wastelanders. Jak didn't mind him so much.
"Hold it," Chayne signed, raising a brow, "What are you two up to?"
"I dunno, ask Damas," Jak retorted.
"Whatever it was, we didn't do it!" Daxter added quickly, "And I have character witnesses!"
Chayne let out a soft, hissing laugh and waved them into the elevator.
"Oh, your turn for newbie check-in, huh? Just don't mouth off and you'll be fine."
"Define mouthing off," Daxter said, steepling his fingers.
Chayne blinked at him slowly, then looked at Jak, then at Daxter again.
"Godspeed, kid."
Great.
#fic prompts#writing prompts#jak and daxter#jak and daxter au#king damas#dadmas#in which Spargus collectively looked at the Demolition Duo and went 'yikes. parental supervision required'#jak and daxter ocs#Wastelander oca#Spargan ocs#98% of my ocs are just there to fill background sets 🤣#jak and daxter vs dorm life#jak failed a psych eval so he's not allowed in the arena until he's had some therapy#with my favorite JnD oc: Brother Tam the Mister Rogers of the Wastelands#jak has never been more confused in his life#meanwhile Onin is having trouble spying on her pawn because of his temporary death so Haven is in the dark#if i continued this it would be very Onin x Consequences and Samos x Consequences#also playing with making Ashelin more of a villain trying to keep Haven afloat by any means necessary instead of how i usually write her#Damas didn't show up in this snip but he's definitely part of the parenting gang 😂#he's the one who resuscitated Jak and sometimes he feels like it's a redemption after failing to save Mar#oh buddy if you only knew#long post#very long post
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so i started writing psych evals for some of my characters and um. sir this is the funniest shit ever
#like dawg#how are they not landing this mf in the federal asylum????#i mean it is 1907 youve gotta expect some difference#and youve gotta take the whole ability branch into the picture#but still#they just let this mf roam the street when even the priest thinks hes not possessed but just fucked in the head???#so funny#psych evals#writing#my writing#psycological evaluation#psych eval#writeblr#writing community#creative writing#manic scribbles
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Please infodump about the JayTimSteph Grotesquerie AU WIP if possible.
OF COURSE i've been thinking about it since i saw the trailer and now it's a little brainworm. (disclaimer i've not watched the first two episodes yet, this is like. solely on the vibes of the trailer. some details might change once i. watch the show depending on if i follow it or just go with the vibes the trailer gave me. which also means there will be no spoilers for the show if you care about that.)
the current idea involves Detective!Tim, Nun!Steph, and Priest!Jason. the vague idea for the plot so far is that a serial killer leaves a *very* artful display of a crime scene inside of the church that Jason and Steph operate out of. Tim is assigned as the leading detective on the case and ends up in a relationship with the both of them as he spirals in madness trying to catch the killer.
for Steph, i want to explore the idea of her father, Cluemaster, being a *very* prolific and artful serial killer who's whole gimmick was sending clues to the police until he was caught when Steph was still a child, and her and her mother were forced to go into witness protection for their own safety, which led her down the path of becoming a nun. it was a defining childhood moment for her to walk in on one of her father's crimes, so when she's the one who finds the crime scene in the church, it *immediately* sends her back to her childhood and she's caught between PTSD-fueled horror and a sick, enticing fascination. she wanted to become a journalist before going into WITSEC but that career was basically all but ruined for her. now she runs the small newspaper for the church and is desperate to write on the first "real" story she's ever had, dragging her into an intense obsession over the crime and trying to prove she can solve it.
for Jason, i want to deal with his history as Bruce. the current idea is that Bruce is Tim's police chief who adopted Jason and Dick from a young-ish age and raised them to be detectives, taking them to crime scenes as teenagers and teaching them the ins and outs of how criminals think. it leads to Dick becoming a detective, but when taking them to crime scenes led to Jason being kidnapped and brutally tortured by "Jack Napier", almost dying. Dick kills Napier to save Jason and it fractures their little family so badly that Dick switches departments to another city and Jason runs away at 17, eventually happening upon joining the clergy. he's the new, young priest in the church who's known for being very pretty but very emotionally distant even if he's nice enough. and he's *pissed* that Bruce is in his church investigating a murder and that no matter where Jason goes, he can't seem to get away from the horrors.
and for Tim, he's the young new detective in his department who is *entirely* unaware that he's been taken under Bruce's wing bc Bruce is treating him as a surrogate replacement for Dick and Jason. haven't fully decided his backstory yet, but it'll likely be similar to canon with losing his mother and father. i kind of want him to be lost and lacking a sense of direction. very gifted in noticing patterns and detective work, but it's clear he doesn't *really* want this job. and when he's assigned as the lead on a case that feels *way* too big for his experience bc Bruce is showing clear favoritism, he's forced to go to Steph for help, which leads to Jason ending up wrapped up with them too.
despite how heavy the plot *sounds*, i honestly want this fic to be like. 40% porn. like the show i want to explore a lot of fucked up sexual interests in Jason who's punishing himself for it, Steph being too interested in things for her own good and desperate for a taste of what "real life" feels like, and Tim just being incredibly repressed. like i want the line between horror and erotic to feel like a jumprope. lots of fucked up sex balanced with like. them actually trying to catch the killer. and then of course the emotional aspect of how Jason's baggage with Bruce works into all of it. also want Tim to have a mild hero worship for "the great Detective Dick Grayson" while being clueless that he's Bruce's son and Jason's brother. i sort of want it to be Steph-centric, but still have POVs from Tim and Jason just to round out their emotional arcs. i haven't fully decided everyone else who'll be in the fic but i know i want Cass to be a fellow nun and friend of Steph's, Babs to also work at the church, Helena to be Tim's favorite coworker, and possibly for Damian to be around somehow. those roles will probably get more fleshed out when i. watch the damn show tho.
anyway TLDR: religious imagery, body horror, kinky sex, and a mystery that might break everyone psychologically once they get to the bottom of it. i have some very specific scenes and dialogue planned out. probably cannibalism as a metaphor for love thrown in there too. idk i just want these three to be as fucked up as possible and unhinged about each other but fighting their repressed side with their unhinged feral side. and since it doesn't exist by god I'll create it.
#necrotic answerings#necrotic works in progress#jaytimsteph grotesquerie au#<- temp tag until this fic gets a real name#jaytimsteph#when i shared this idea with my partner they were like. this should just be an original book#and yeah they're right but given it's derrivative of a show i don't think it *can* be. ergo. fanfic.#and i'm *already* writing one fucked up romance book with serial killers and a nun okay i've hit my quota.#but tysm for asking about this anon i was so excited to talk about it.#also! one scene idea i have in my head involves the three of them getting attacked#and jason killing the attacker with tim's firearm. which tim basically snatches from him and takes the blame for the kill#and even tho he's in the clear legally bruce sitll forces him to do a psyche eval that he hates.#and meanwhile jason asks tim to “punish him” not bc he killed the guy but bc he *enjoyed* it.#very fun scene for like. the descent into madness of the three of them getting more and more unhinged trying to solve this case.#like how far are they willing to go type shit#also i have a *lot* of sex scenes planned.#don't ask me who the killer is i haven't decided yet#i'm leaning on it being someone connected to tim tho#just to flesh out his backstory more. so we'll see#anyway i'mso happy to ramble about this fic idea to anyone who wants to ask more about it bc it'll help me develop it more#i've got the basics down but i'm an outline girlie at heart so i need evertrhing planned out for it to work yk.#this is my petition to make more ppl care about jaytimsteph. they're so cool i swear.
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From the files of Dr. Leena Dangant, minder employed by the Alliance to Restore the Republic, on the case of Captain Cassian Andor.
new ongoing WIP, chapter 1/tentatively 7. original character outsider POV, cassian focus, cameos in chapter 1 by draven and jyn, rebelcaptain. rated T.
#rebelcaptain#cassian andor#jyn erso#davits draven#plus my minder OC that i just invented for this story#* fic#y'all i just spent three hours writing a psych eval for a fake person. this is where my degree in clinical psychology has taken me in life
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So fucking bored at my govt job that I’m doing some writing on the DL hahaha
#why am I heeeeeere#writing by hand bc if I put this shit on a computer…#they’d send me in for a mental health eval lmao#man I like the lack of stress but like… I NEED ENRICHMENT IN MY ENCLOSURE#my boss is literally watching tv in his office#your taxpayer dollars at work folks
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I DID IT!! I REACHED THIS WEEK'S GOAL!!!
i also spent some time changing my excel to better reflect my new goal. i do wanna say that for the month of August, I got 69 (and .5) percent of the way there!!! which isn't 100% but i think it's funny
i have also added the success parameter of "rest" :D
#as for which WIP i worked on... eheh none of my current ones adkgjhakjga#okay that's not true. i put a couple hundred words down for Warm Home#but majority of that writing is for this like... current interest brainrot#i have NO IDEA how far this fic is gonna go but i am having fun :>#word count progress#i believe alternatively; i could count the number in the successes bit there and see how they fall out as a possible Annual Success eval
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Annual Writing Self-Evaluation
Thanks for tagging me @kingsofeverything !
1. List of works published this year:
Netflix Original
A Deal
Do You See What I See
Bitter Ends Turn Sweet (series)
All This Time
On That Note
Ace of Hearts
Crush
Daydream
One
Heart Beat
2. Work you are most proud of (and why):
Probably Bitter Ends Turn Sweet. First of all, just knowing there was a song called Chicago on FITF had me shook. Then, the first time I heard it, it was just such a fanfic that the whole story was just right there in my head as soon as the song was over. And I was like...nah. I'm not gonna write a long kid fic, right? RIGHT?? I've written angst before, but writing about a child made me emotional in a way I've never felt while writing in part because I was writing a disabled child. And for that matter I wrote a trans character into this fic as well. But I wanted to write this in a way that made it clear how deeply loved and celebrated these characters were to their families and the people around them. Maybe I made their characters have it unrealistically easy, but it's what I wanted for them just as I want that for my disabled and trans family and friends in real life.
3. Work you are least proud of (and why):
I wouldn't say I'm not proud of any of them, but the time stamps I wrote for Bitter Ends are just things that didn't fit into the main story. And I feel like there's a reason they didn't, if that makes sense. But I thought it might be fun for anyone who liked the fic to read those bits of it, which is why I published them at all.
4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:
oof I can never find anything. Here's something from Bitter Ends:
Harry shrugged. “Maybe. Gem said it was okay to make mistakes like dancing with the wrong guys.”
Louis nodded, considering. “How about dancing with the right guy?”
Harry’s heart pounded harder, and he wasn’t sure it had anything to do with the dancing. “I don’t know. He didn’t say anything about that.”
He’d now lost Liam amidst the dancers, but it was hard to concentrate on that with Louis this close. Louis’ hand splayed out across his back, keeping him close as the beat slowed.
They’d both dressed in black. And although Harry’s shirt was filmy with a bit of lace and Louis’ a t-shirt sheer enough to see his tattoos through, they were near enough to one another that Harry couldn’t tell where one fabric ended and another began.
Perhaps he could blame muscle memory on why he lifted his arms and wrapped them around Louis’ shoulders, close enough now to feel Louis’ breath at his neck, cooling his heated skin just there as desire zipped down his spine.
The bit of scruff still on Louis’ cheeks slid against the bare skin of Harry’s shoulder peeking through where his shirt had slipped down, and Harry was thankful for the volume of the bar blocking out the sound of his moan. The whirl of lights danced across his vision, caught up in this moment with Louis.
5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:
There's this one for Bitter Ends: What a gift!!! What a wonderful, sweet, tear inducing gift of fabulous writing! Every word, every sentence of story building was exquisite. I could do nothing else but read this from start to finish and will reread it again and again. Max was an inspired character, so real and so loved. Thank you for this.
And this one for Ace of Hearts: I had no idea I loved early 19th century pirate stories as much as I do now. I couldn’t leave a comment until I finished reading all the parts. I don’t remember when I started but I did forgot to eat for awhile. I haven’t read a story with so many twists and well written.
And basically every single one for Do You See What I See because they're all the same thing...people yelling at me when they find out the twist hahahaha
6. A time when writing was really, really hard:
No one come for me, but I wouldn't say there's ever a time where it's really hard to do. BUT sometimes it's really hard for me to make time for it.
7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:
I spent YEARS trying to come up with a plot for a Louis/Cillian Murphy fic. Nothing felt right. And then it somehow occurred to me that what I really wanted to write was Louis/Tommy Shelby and once I figured that out the story immediately came to me.
8. How did you grow as a writer this year:
I always like to try my hand at new things, so this year I wrote girl direction for the first time, some new rare pairs, I wrote an advent fic, both my longer fics are kid fics, which is wild to me lol.
9. How do you hope to grow next year:
Whoops. Had to come back and add this in. I just hope to find more time to write and keep finding more challenges for myself.
10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):
If you looked through my author's notes this year, you'd definitely notice how often I thanked @nouies I couldn't have done half of what I did this year without Lou. Her encouragement and making fic posts and reading things over for me helped me enormously. To have someone supporting and keeping me going was just everything. And always @louandhazaf for betaing my fics and always being excited to read whatever new thing I've come up with to write! Thank you x a million, Nic!
11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:
lol yes. hmmm where to start...Bitter Ends has a lot of my son and the things my family likes to do in Chicago in it. Do You See What I See is based on a FB ad I saw that I found hysterically funny and also based on the animals that run around in the wooded ravine behind my house. Daydream takes place in a coffee shop that I like to go to. And Heart Beat takes place in a fictional version of my hometown, has a fictional version of my cat in it, and has a plot inspired by me spending a lot of time in a converted cathedral listening to my son play the drums.
12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:
I think I say the same thing every year...READ!!! It's important of course to make time for the actual writing. And writing as much as possible if your goal is to become better at it, but analyzing other people's writing is how a lot of people grow as a writer. What is it about your favorite novels/fics that you love? Read or reread them with a critical eye at what exactly the writer is doing so you can try it out in your own writing.
13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:
I (think??? lol) I'm only signed up to write for @1dalphalouisfest but I'll probably sign up for @1domegaverseficfest too. And obviously I'll write for my own fest @louisrarepairfest I have this soulmates fic that I've been simmering in my brain for a while and I just recently started to figure a few things out for it. So it may or may not fit into one of those fests.
14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)
@jacaranda-bloom @nouies @lululawrence and anyone else who wants to do this just say I tagged you!
*All answers should be about works published in 2023
Past years: 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020 , 2021 , 2022
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i think i am an idiot. hopefully not tho..!
#num speaks#for context im preparing for my french writing eval today#and we’re writing an essay of sorts#doing my outline and the topic is basically ‘should we encourage survivalist training’#and ive been yapping about why its better to encourage instead of forcing it on people#ive barely said anything abt the actual training i think im cooked.#when i get to class i might just ask my teacher bc i really dont wanna restart this#ive been stressing about it. its worth 30%. FUCK#god please let him accept whatever i was saying please#its literally the outline and im freaking tf out rn oh god
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do yall recall like. 3 years ago lmfao when i said that jellofello was made as a placeholder name and it stuck.
yeah thats my warning i want to change my name soon lol unfortunately doing art locally under this name means people i know irl has my social media and that means i cannot be unhinged as i prefer
so in order to return to my cringe roots i must shed jellofello like a snake skin or smth
#also the kinds of books i want to write i DEF cannot EVER have people i know irl find#not in the booktok boring smut way i mean i want to write psychological horror so effective it warrants eval#like imagine writing deathnote and having someone be like 'so u like playing mind games w people???' id just die
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who the fuck thought it was a good idea to do performance evaluations at the end/beginning of the year, it is fucking Winter and i am simply Not in the headspace to think about a ~career~ lmao
#text#personal#job#whine whine whine#anyway got desk bombed LITERALLY FOUR TIMES TODAY#AND A BUNCH OF THAT SHIT WAS ABOUT CAREER STUFF#LEAF ME ALONE I DON'T WANT A JOB I JUST WANT MONEY#but also i'm bored to tears so i guess i should like. address that. in my eval meeting.#no i DON'T know what i want besides a book deal#i just know i'm not doing what i was told i'd be doing in the interview lmaooooo#(i say not in the headspace to think about a career in winter like i'm EVER fucking in headspace for that)#(reader i assure you: I Am Not)#(see: i just want money not a job)#(unless that job is Write Fiction)#(in which case GRABBY HANDS)
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I FINISHED MY COLLEGE WORK FINALLY ,, heres my comic in the exhibition on my shitty little display
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it's literally raining and the water droplets are pattering so very nicely on the windows and you want me to what? write my self-evaluation? do something productive? for my real job? in this weather????
#girl help idc abt my job i want to do nothing (which coincidentally is what it feels like ive done for the last year)#how to write a self eval when u have impostor syndrome:(
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Can someone give me an extra giant pillow cave to crawl into for a couple months please? I’m so, utterly fatigued.
So I had some sort of … event, occur today. Likely either some kind of non-convulsive seizure or a TIA (‘mini stroke’) or some other neurological malfunction. As terrified as I know I should be, since I have never experienced anything like this before in my life… I just, don’t have the time to think about it.
I’m dog-sitting tonight and tomorrow, I’ve got a ton of work to finish, my yearly self-eval is due tomorrow, our storage unit price doubles next month so we have to clear it out because we can’t afford everything on my income alone, my partner has a bike race coming up and surgery two days after that. We just got over covid a couple weeks ago, my other chronic illnesses are flaring because of it, and I simply do not have time for a new goddamn symptom or phenomena or whateverthefuck. So it will either have to not happen again, or wait its fucking turn for me to give a shit.
And tbh I’m leaving out some of the bigger stuff going on in my life rn cause again, I don’t have the time or energy to type it out into this void.
#personal#chronic illness#invisible disability#emily rambles#overall i really am lucky though#ive got a pretty great life#just a really stupid body#actually disabled#spoonie#potsie#ischemic colitis#recurrent colitis#invisible illness#most of all i hate writing self-evals
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i was digging through my screenshots and GOD mobius is so FUNNY

transcript below the cut because i realize this is super tiny:
Mobius Profile
RE: STEM Candidate #10045 NAME: Stefano Valentini
Union is in need of creative personality types in order to simulate a real-world scenario. While Candidate #10045 exhibits mildly egocentric tendencies, they can be chalked up to his artistic leanings rather than psychological issues. His background check reveals no living family members to raise concerns at his disappearance. The Recruitment Board recommends Candidate #10045 for STEM insertion.
#ooc.#they truly just said he's a little weird but surely nothing will go wrong#i think theodore also helped make it so his scores passed the psych eval but someone just writing all this up is hilarious#congrats dude you're a freak and you have no family! accepted!
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