#wth i have all these ideas at 1 am when i need to do my hw 😀

[emblazons]

hi marie, its me again <3 the anon with byler doubt haha ... you made such great points! and tysm for such a thorough response.

I am SO CURIOUS how do you think they'll get Mike and Will together? I think that's the aspect that has me doubting the most because it feels so so MESSY and they can very easily mess it all up if they aren't careful.

Explaining Mike's internalized homophobia etc might be something too difficult to unpack in just one season, on top of everything else going on as well with the world literally ending. I also don't know what the point was of having Mike say he loved Eleven if it wasn't true, what do you think they were trying to achieve with that?

Do we truly think she'd be okay with breaking up with Mike? And if the answer is yes, how will that affect Mike and El's dynamic going forward, you think? Will they really not only break up milkvan, but leave elmike underdeveloped in favor of Byler?

I look at the Steve/Nancy/Jonathan love triangle and that has been a mess for seasons now and still no resolution, so I don't know how they'll do it for Mike and Will. I fear they'll go for the "easy route" (aka milkvan endgame) to focus on the supernatural and other characters more. Because if Byler is endgame I feel like they'd need to devote a great chunk of the season to them in order to explain wth is going on with Mike specifically + giving him closure with El.

I suppose something else that gives me doubt is how Mike and Will have been sidelined in these last few seasons to give more screentime/protagonism to other characters and dynamics, so I don't know if I can fully believe the Duffers care THAT much about romantic!Byler if that makes sense.

Hopefully this all doesn't sound overly pessimistic or something, I am genuinely curious about your thoughts in some of these more like looking for reassurance tbh! Especially after reading your response to my first ask <3 TYSM once again!!

hello again!

To be honest, you've got a lot of questions that require separate (and equally detailed) responses, but...let me see if I can briefly explain each, and maybe link to other analyses I've done that might help make sense of why I say.

note: some of these are just my frankest opinions unfiltered, but I do have analytical reasons for all of them. Your questions are also asking things it's taken several rewatches and a year to sort through so...apologies if you just get the simplest version of the idea delineated here haha. also, a cut, because this got really long.

1: How do you think they'll get Mike and Will together? Transparently? I'm not really all that into specifics, because expecting specific things means I'm going to fall into the trap of thinking I'm the one writing it when I'm not and then say The Duffers "lied" or "messed up" because I expected something they never put in there. That said—in terms of plain setup, they will need to address the painting because that was a critical plot point from damn near minute one of S4, and now it's become fully integrated with not only Will's feelings for Mike, but Mike's own sense of El's feelings for him.

Beyond that...I think El will need to be the one to initiate the "complete" breakup, because she's the one who wanted space in the first place, the one who is repeatedly having her romantic partner paralleled to parental and tragic figures, the one refuses to be vulnerable & who built lies into their relationship...and the one whose general arc centers around reclaiming autonomy and choice from the men in her life. I also think Mike will be the one to initiate the romantic aspect, if its not a bit mutual.

2: Mike's internalized homophobia etc might be something too difficult to unpack in just one season - I disagree. We managed to sort through introducing Will's romantic feelings and sense of his queerness in a single season just fine...and Mike has had queer-coding show up throughout every season if you know what you're looking for.

The fact that this boy already has a one way sign into his closet, has repeatedly yelled about "boys only" every season AND shows clear signs of male attraction already has most people (even the supposed 'GA') suspicious of his sexuality, and combined with his devotion to will + the wider context, there are plenty of ways to introduce the idea of him liking boys explicitly that don't require any intense delineation...unless you expect them to say "he's gay" out loud, which they didn't do when Robin came out, and still haven't done for Will either...despite everyone knowing damn well they're gay.

3: I also don't know what the point was of having Mike say he loved Eleven if it wasn't true - I think that most of the breakdowns I've done of parentified!mike make clear that the love he has for her is somewhat genuine...though its being written as misplaced familial love, because he spent so much time believing he needed "a girl" to assuage his insecurities.

While I absolutely lean toward a gay!Mike reading myself, it's still clear even without a label that Mike's love mirrors Hopper's more than it resembles any of the love given by potential romantic partners to other women across the show—and Mike, given that he was being told by Will that El needed him to say he loved her for her to win, did what he thought was necessary to help her.

I do not think his love for her is a lie—I simply think it isn't romantic, and has now been so conflated with something negative in El's mind that it wouldn't matter if he mean't it romantically anyway. That said: narratively, Mike had to say he loved El because unless the fullness of what was expected (an I love you) was accomplished, it would hang over the story and any relationship Byler might have. El needed to hear it...so she could reject it, which she did.

4: Do we truly think she'd be okay with breaking up with Mike? yes. I think El will be absolutely 300000% just fine being broken up with Mike lmao. She has Hopper back now (who she was mourning the loss of, and therefore looking to fill with Mike emotionally), on top of having Max's "there's more to life than stupid boys" at the fore of her mind saving her.

Mike is also paralleled to parental and abusive figures in El's mind, on top of the fact that she has been keeping him at an emotional distance for the entirety of S4. Given that she and Lucas will probably also get closer in the search for Max...I'm quite sure she's not going to take it as hard as people imagine, especially given the fact that we already know she was happiest in S3 when they were broken up.

I also don't have any expectation of ElMike being super close friends (beyond party bonds + civility) either, which...I mean if you are I apologize but. I don't see that happening in canon, so them being developed deeply as friends before the show ends is not important to me as a plot point, and doesn't really have any canonical backing considering their ongoing lack of platonic connection outside of the necessary + lack of common interest. That's even a note thematically in the show...which means its makes sense for them not to be that close by the end of the narrative.

5: Steve/Nancy/Jonathan love triangle and that has been a mess for seasons now and still no resolution, so I don't know how they'll do it for Mike and Will. Truth be told, that love triangle has a resolution—Nancy has chosen Jonathan, and continues to, even though she flirted with Steve when she felt lonely. Nancy's arc has always centered around choosing something different than her parents and has from S1—her brief flirtation with Steve aside, her loyalty to Jonathan hasn't changed, though they are absolutely not a perfect couple.

If anything, the end of S4 set up Jonathan and Steve learning to be friends less so than anything implying Nancy might choose Steve instead—Jonathan is finally in a narrative position to choose something for himself now which frees him up to be honest with Nancy, and even outside of that, Nancy is far more likely to end up with single than she is with Steve—which is the exact opposite of how they've set up Mike to be with Will rather than El over the course of the season.

6: I fear they'll go for the "easy route" (aka milkvan endgame) to focus on the supernatural and other characters more. I don't agree. The supernatual plot has always been well-integrated with the romantic elements in every couple across the board, from Mike's "first love lost" energy happening when El disappeared in S1, Lumax bonding in S2 in a fight with demodogs, Jancy's bonding across S2-3 happening in the lab seeing the gate, while Will was un-possessed, and while they fought the thing monster in the hospital....and Jopper in Russia fighting a demogorgon in S4.

The Duffers have never slacked in setting up their romances in conjunction with the supernatual plots, and there's no reason to think they're gonna start with Byler, especially given Will's mirroring of Vecna/Henry, the way the day his disappeared is the day the UD is frozen, and how he's the one who can sense him...while now having Mike glued to his side.

7: if Byler is endgame I feel like they'd need to devote a great chunk of the season to them in order to explain wth is going on with Mike specifically + giving him closure with El. The 5th season is going to bring all of the characters together again, and they've already said Will is central to that. I've written before about the reason why they had to sideline Will in their plot to make a narrative point, but regardless...like I said before, if you know how to read subtext, Mike being queer won't come as all that much of a surprise.

Note: I've done several (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) analyses on Mike and his arc, which might help.

Beyond that...again, I honestly don't think The Duffers care much to make ElMike besties like fanon seems to think they should be (they haven't done it with any of the other romantic couples they've broken up) so...closure can include civility and acceptance for them the way it did S2 Steve with Jancy, imo. What Mike needs most is to gain the courage to accept himself and realize he doesn't need a girl to assuage his insecurities—and him being casual friends with El the same way he is casually supportive canonically with Max makes more sense than trying to skirt over all the mess of their relationship for the sake of an attached fandom ☠️

—that was a lot to cover, but hopefully that cleared up my position on a lot of your questions? I would also encourage you to take a look at my ST commentary tag & analyses highlights list (soon to be updated again) and even my asks for more context, on top of maybe giving the show a rewatch in its entirety if you can.

Sidebar: I also encourage you to dig into my Duffer Brothers tag and commentary (see bottom of the page), because knowing who made the show is just as helpful as understanding the show itself.

Its really easy to get caught in other people's wants and headcanons for the show if you don't keep going back to it yourself, so—as lovingly as possible, I really do encourage you to just sit and watch it with the "byler knowledge" you have from users like me, your other fave analysts, and maybe some of the "old guard" like @kaypeace21, who was integral in my own development of opinions before I dug in for myself. If you're ever doubting, that's always your best bet.

That said: It's literally impossible to summarize a framework crossing nearly 37 hours of TV in a single ask (or even 20)...which is why I've got almost a year worth of posts about it (and have evolved my depth of understanding dramatically over time).

The same way you can't spark notes your way through a degree without missing a lot of context, even me saying this with evidence won't help a lot if you haven't dug into it yourself—and doubt will repeatedly creep in if you're trusting me over the show itself, even though the show is where I've pulled all this from lmao.

—this got really long, but....I hope it helped. And again, sorry if I seemed short anywhere lmao. This was a lot to cover. Still, as always, thanks for the ask!

[baekhvuns]

Okay I'm here after reading all the hwa ffs in less than a month (talent ladies). So, I'm going to review it. Although, ik everyone already knows how perfect those ffs are but hey.

1. Bodygaurd

Accidentally tumbled upon this and I'm glad I did. I mean it's been so much time I've spent on Tumblr and then this shows like a miracle. So, OHMYGOD PARK SEONGHWA IN A SUIT AND GLASSES , READY TO SHOOT SOMEONE WHO COMES NEAR ME?!?! Perfect. The story was so well-planned and i like how even though y/n had grown up through so many hurdles she still was so cheerful and bubbly and not all emo and depressed. Ok i get if some fic writers do it in a few of their fic i get it, sometimes the mc has to have some issues BUT I'm tired of it. Really. I'm trying to escape this reality to somewhere where I can be someone i very much aspire to be and not to be depressed which I practically I am irl so ...yeah 😃. Oh and tears. I did tell u i cried and i was not joking.

2. Just friends

You knew ... you knew what you were doing when you wrote that and how much of an impact it would have on us. I can literally hear that one tiktok sound that goes "the hOe$ gonna love this..." AND I BET THATS WHAT WENT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. But let be real tho, this fic was everything. When the fashion world gets involved with love and Seonghwa?!?! Masterpiece. Shakespeare could never. Plus the clothes inspo?!? This was one of the fic i could actually visualise yk?

3. Rewrite the stars

These types of tropes are basically what I live for. Its like you know you have limited time, you can't fall in love, you mustn't but...oh well look at how the sun shines on his face as he gives his million dollar smile. I think it'd be fine to fall in love. Even if it's just for a few days. Maybe just for tonight.

*kickin the air and rolling in my bed* OH AND BUDAPEST??? 🫠🫠

4. The Duke and his general

Its a classic.

I thought.

But oh boy was i wrong. First of all the simplicity of the fic..and the classic trope but then you get to the plot and then boom! Its like i kind of have gotten used to the whole meet -> fall in love -> get heart broken -> finally together.

And honestly I'm glad I saw the fic after they'd already been written completely because lord knows what I would've done with the whole amount of curiosity after every part.

5. Mr and Mrs Park

Holy oompa loompas THIS!!! THIS IS WHAT WE CALL 'INSPIRATION'!! Ykw...i don't even have words. The last scene at the beach tho. Chills literal ✨chills✨. And the whole loop that starts from the 'A. You messed up' and it ended on the same line but obviously now it had a diff. Meaning. And ong I can never look at a person named 'nayoung' the same.

6. Khronos

No words.Just tears and trauma.

7. The trouble with hating you

Again, the trope was simple. And oh we have seen it in so many movies and dramas about this. BUT yet again you sprinkled it with your own touch. Idk how you do it but when I read your fic i actually transform into yn. I am the real yn when I'm so into reading those lines and talking to air that my family becomes concerned but do i care?...no. and that's what we need in a story! I really hated hwa here tho. HOW COULD YOU?? But hey, yn's got charms 😏

8. Lets not fall in love, again

This was so hurtful. Because, i did not know people getting divorced felt like that. See? That's how you elucidate the feelings. When you're single asf but you still feel the pain of getting seperated from a man who has no idea you exist. Yes. I also recently realised that you have kind of a lot going on. Which again! Intersting.

At first, i was so mad at hwa at the start of the fic i was like wth did I even do. Turns out....he just did it out of love 😭. So pure.

Basically you have the best ffs I have read so far. 🙌🙌

o my god i am actually screaming

1. bodyguard : Accidentally tumbled upon this and I'm glad I did. I mean it's been so much time I've spent on Tumblr and then this shows like a miracle. So, OHMYGOD PARK SEONGHWA IN A SUIT AND GLASSES, READY TO SHOOT SOMEONE WHO COMES NEAR ME?!?! Perfect. The story was so well-planned and i like how even though y/n had grown up through so many hurdles she still was so cheerful and bubbly and not all emo and depressed. Ok i get if some fic writers do it in a few of their fic i get it, sometimes the mc has to have some issues BUT I'm tired of it. Really. I'm trying to escape this reality to somewhere where I can be someone i very much aspire to be and not to be depressed which I practically I am irl so ..yeah g. On and tears. I did tell u i cried and i was not joking.

DBWNDJWKDHWKHEKW IM CRYING UR SO SWEET FOR THIS REVIEW IM ACTUALLY GONNA SOB BFMWDH no bc ur so right on that part like why do all the yn’s gotta be depressed, let’s make the guy depressed 🤚🏻 u are so right on that last part 100% !!!

2. just friends : You knew ... you knew what you were doing when you wrote that and how much of an impact it would have on us. I can literally hear that one tiktok sound that goes "the hOe$ gonna love this... AND I BET THATS WHAT WENT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. But let be real tho, this fic was everything. When the fashion world gets involved with love and Seonghwa?!?! Masterpiece. Shakespeare could never. Plus the clothes inspo?!? This was one of the fic i could actually visualise yk?

THE WAY I FUCKING GASPED AT THE MEME JFBWKCJSKD I KNEW THIS WAS COMING 😭😭😭😭😭 o i did EXACTLY THAT 🥰🥰 i knew how nasty this fic would be and what the reaction will be, two top models and enemies??? sign me up! this fic was my fashion résumé actually <3 RIGHT I LOVED WRITING THE PHYSICAL PHOTOSHOOT ITSELF

3. rewrite the stars : These types of tropes are basically what I live for. Its like you know you have limited time, you can't fall in love, you mustn't but…oh well look at how the sun shines on his face as he gives his million dollar smile. I think it'd be fine to fall in love. Even if it's just for a few days. Maybe just for tonight. *kickin the air and rolling in my bed* OH AND BUDAPEST??? 🫠🫠

no ur so right, these travelling romances are the >>>> top tier of any tier,, the thrill of romance & the separation 😮‍💨😮‍💨 OH MY GOD IM GONNA STEAL THAT PARAGRAPH MISS CHAERSSSS !!!!! U MAD EMT MIND GO BRRR WITH THAT & yes budapest <3 im absolutely in love w that city, was debating on italy but miss budapest got me

4. the uke and his general : Its a classic. I thought. But oh boy was i wrong. First of all the simplicity of the fic..and the classic trope but then you get to the plot and then boom! Its like i kind of have gotten used to the whole meet - fall in love - get heart broken -> finally together. And honestly I'm glad I saw the fic after they'd already been written completely because lord knows what I would've done with the whole amount of curiosity after every part.

FBWKDHSK U FOUND MY FORMULA AND I WILL USE EVERY BIT OF IT! ahhh ur right, a simple fic turned out to be so big it amazes me! it really was a craze the curiosity and excitement when i first released it, the anons attacking hwa during that time in the fic amazing ✊🏻

5. mr and mrs park : Holy oompa loompas THIS!!! THIS IS WHAT WE CALL 'INSPIRATION'!! Ykw... don't even have words. The last scene at the beach tho. Chills literal ✨ chills. ✨ And the whole loop that starts from the 'A. You messed up' and it ended on the same line but obviously now it had a diff. Meaning. And ong I can never look at a person named 'nayoung' the same.

FBWKDHWK THE SCENE WHERE “come to daddy” *beats the shit out him* “who’s your daddy now” IM FJWKHD 🤲🏻🤲🏻 nayoung will make a return in this blog again in that yunho fic <3

6. khronos : No words. Just tears and trauma.

7. the trouble with hating you : Again, the trope was simple. And oh we have seen it in so many movies and dramas about this. BUT yet again you sprinkled it with your own touch. Idk how you do it but when I read your fic i actually transform into yn. I am the real yn when I'm so into reading those lines and talking to air that my family becomes concerned but do i care?...no. and that's what we need in a story! I really hated hwa here tho. HOW COULD YOU?? But hey, yn's got charms

DBQNJDKWHDKW IM SO GLAD ITS READ LIKE THIS, TEARS IN MY EYES these are the biggest compliments ever 😭😭😭😭 HEY ITS ALL ATEEZ’S FAULT IN THAT OKAYF HWJDHEJ

8. lets not fall in love, again : This was so hurtful. Because, i did not know people getting divorced felt like that. See? That's how you elucidate the feelings. When you're single asf but you still feel the pain of getting seperated from a man who has no idea you exist. Yes. I also recently realised that you have kind of a lot going on. Which again! Intersting. At first, i was so mad at hwa at the start of the fic i was like wth did I even do. Turns out....he just did it out of love 😭. So pure. Basically you have the best ffs I have read so far.

this is the best description of that fic, he did out of love 😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!! ALL OF THIS HAS MADE MY ENTIRE YEAR IM GONNA BE SAVING THIS WHEN I NEED TO SMILE STOP IT THIS IS SO NICE FBNWDJKW 😭😭😭😭

[brick-a-doodle-do]

reviewing all 25 of my fics !!!!!

i have never read my writing! i just did. some was good, some was bad, here's my review and at the end there's a tier list C:

curiosity one

actively throwing up i hated every little bit of that i'm so glad i'm rewriting that oh my god why was that so popular?? 🤢

i can confidently say i no longer feel this way vvvv

curiosity two

ehhh getting better but still not the best. but at least i didn't cringe my way through the fic this time!! :D

curiosity three

writing is iffy because i'm mixing two different writing styles together

HOWEVER i LOVE the h/c in this therefore it is so far my favorite chapter :D

"tommy calm down, it's just a drink, see?" is just WJKEJFNRDNF i love it for no reason :D the interactions in this i admit are really nice

curiosity four

supposed to be an exiting chapter but tbh i did not execute that too well

uhh yippeee he's out!!!

curiosity five

mmm mm m mmmm idk how to feel about this one

very fast paced i will admit

this whole series is so fucking rushed 😭

curiosity six

meh

dialogue is pretty cool tho

overall this series is rushed and poorly made lmaooo

wilbur chocolate 1

okay this is pretty good

not lovely but it's readable and i honestly love this au so i'm not gonna diss it too hard

wilbur chocolate 2

i like this one

dialogue go brrr

also i feel like i executed wil's panic semi-well? i definitely made him have some trust in tommy way too soon but yk

i'll run away and hide with you

ehhh there's nothing technically wrong with it,,,,,

no real comments it's fine ig

spy au: unofficial prologue

idk there's nothing wrong with it like this fic !! :D

2022 summer exchange

again too rushed i need to draw out trust it doesn't happen in two minutes!!!

"you're pretty" makes me happy tho. don't ship dnf too hard but i like it :DD

ghosts are better than humans

writing is iffy but it's cute !!

company & repairs 1

first fic and it's mid. i got fanart for it though, that's pretty cool :D (i toooootally didn't ask for it, i got it just by pure chance. totally!)

mm i could've written his injuries better

i like my use of internal questions

dude in my earlier fics i was so scared to write like product names and the word "scream" and "yell" bc i didn't want it to come off as cringe like wth that is literally so bad

i let go, when i should've held tighter/an inconvenience, at best 1

typos are bad. bad bad.

writing can 100% be difficult

ended up deleting it to redo it bc after all this worldbuilding i need to redo some things :)

also dialogue is everything but accurate

never fucking again.

ok ummm i could've done his pain a lot better

i've gotten better at writing mental health so i'm going to rewrite this someday

but to be fair i wrote this alongside many other things that day---i was doing a bet,,,,

writing is actually kind of decent and i love how chill tommy is lmaooo "well, he fucked that one up" "at least he got his powers working"

apart from thattt i LOVE this au and am excited to write the first chapter :D

oh, george

okay time to see all the hype around this. 93 notes???? this better be good

not worth all the notes (sosososo grateful for those btw almost 100 notes that is AWESOME) but i can see why it was liked. i can usually tell if this community will eat smth up or not,,,

don't fall

i liked that

definitely my favorite so far

writing is decent and it's fluffy so i like it :DD good job me C:<

heavy is the head that gets no sleep

mm cute i like it :D

top for sure

2022 secret santa: too good to be true

okay the idea for this was like actually awesome, i loved having dream like kinda do into that trance thingy and having it fade in later. and i like how i incorporated "bitter stares" into it.

however there's a severe lack of dialogue and the action is drawn out, far too short and not properly there

it also felt rlly short so there's that,,,

the act of making noise 1

i like this one! it could be a little bit better but tbh it's a good au and i like the writing a lot more than some of my other fics so it s a win from me :D

i also think i has a nice flow to it? that could just be me tho

counting down the seconds

v bad i can see why this didn't do too well

deleting it cause this au is on hiatus,, might give it out as a prompt now :D

uhh writing wasn't too good and it was very boring, way too long asw,,,

mere monstrosity

I LOVED THAT??

it's actually well written??

WRITING SHANE IS SO FUN HIS DIALOGUE IS THE BEST----

this is such an underrated fic of mine istggg

top fics for sureee

sfdjsdjgdnf SHANE'S DIALOGUEEEE!!!!! I WILL GLADDLY WRITE MORE OF HIM!!

the little things (written)

badly written, fluffy, one of my oldest fics

cory's notes give me life tho <333 "your writing makes me feel warm" AJGFSAJDGEFJDNF i love cory smsm :D

shroud, you savior?

eh

good fic idea, poorly executed

and oh my god in my earlier fics i'm realizing how oblivious i was to how puncuation worked, especially for my dialogueeeeeee!! it makes me feel terrible reading it,,,,,

also the amount of fluff-to-angst ratio is good, but again i need to write panic better,,,,

hush 1

YES! I LIKE THIS! to be fair it's my newest fic but STILL i like this a lot!!!

good angst, suspense could be a tiiiny bit better but i still rlly like this!!! top fic for sure C:<

switched

fluff. fluff fluff fluff. writing aside the mouthplay scenes are the best things ever i am so happy this exists !!!!!!!!!

wow i have an excruciating number of fics. i did not like reading them :'D

tier list time >:D (more under cut)

Keep reading

hush 1 (writing, dialogue, plot, everything is good imo)

don't fall (if the writing for this was better it'd be #1 !! the fluff, this entire au in general, "i won't hurt you" mmmm this is a yummy fic !!!)

mere monstrosity (speaks for itself. i loved this fic! it's a bit rocky in the beginning but i just love shane sm <3)

the act of making noise 1 (YES this is good. the overall plot is iffy but i like chapter one so far, hopefully i can take this au in the right direction !!)

curiosity killed the cat 3 ("it's just a drink, see?" mm yummy)

heavy is the head that gets no sleep (prime boys my belovedd)

spy au: unofficial prologue (i just have a thing for spy!dnf <33)

wilbur chocolate 2 (like i said, dialogue go brrrr, and it's actually a decent sequel. wilbur chocolate beloved asw >:D)

wilbur chocolate 1 (angst beloved)

ghosts are better than humans (it's simple. i didn't overdo it,,,)

i let go when i should've held tighter/spy au 1 (spy au belovedd!!!)

never fucking again (love this au sm, my opinion is swayed again)

switched (tinies overcoming their fear of getting nommed is such a high trope for me,,,)

oh, george (my opinion is swayed bc of the tiktok it's based off of)

2022 secret santa: too good to be true (honestly despite my lack of flow & dialogue its pretty good)

2022 summer exchange (honestly idk why i don't rlly like this---i'm making a part two so some part of me should enjoy it?)

shroud, you savior? (ok this fic is an era to me it brings back positive memories :] also ppl like this so i meannn)

curiosity killed the cat 2 (he and wilbur talk, what's not to like? i like this chapter a lot actually)

the little things (little streamer au my belovedd)

curiosity killed the cat 6 (everything is revealed!!!! and wilbur not being able to really do anthing cause a. he's in tommy's storage and b. he's a traitor, kidnapper and villain in tommy's eyes)

i'll run away and hide with you (idkkkk why i don't like this either. to be fair nothing's really wrong with it,,)

company & repairs 1 (again memories and also idk this was my first fic, i think nostalgia is helping my decision)

curiosity killed the cat 4 (he gets out, that's pretty cool)

counting down the seconds (eeeehhh this used to be a cool au of mine but that was before i just stopped working on it and i realized it wasn't that cool,,)

curiosity killed the cat 1 (No.)

i switched these around so much lmaoo but i was dead set on the last two. curiosity was so bad wtf??

[linhmiu201]

I played V's After Ending again... Don't know how many times I've come back to Mystic Messenger just for more suffering. I can never escape from this angst hell, sigh. OTL

People weren't kidding when they said the Forgive End is really easy to get. 3 years ago I got it without relying on guide, 3 years later I still get stuck in it... Gosh I tried to be hostile to Rika as much as possible but I messed up JUST because I chose the choices that express concern for the Choi twins. I hate that in order to get the Judge End, you'll need to be a bitch with V (burn his letters, suspect V of rescuing Rika, talk about burning his possessions one by one if he doesn't come back in a year...), ignore the members' mental health, i.e. don't ask about Saeran, don't worry for Saeyoung, don't comfort Yoosung... In other words, don't be a freaking normal human being and just seething with anger. This is no difference from Rika, and that's not what I wanted. Why is it so hard to throw her to jail?

What funny is that I remembered choosing a lot of "harsh" options about Rika in my first playthrough, such as: interrupting her self-pity party, expressing the desire to bring her to court, i.e. refusing to be guilt tripped, which should lead to Jugde End, but the game still decided I would forgive her...? Wth I never knew I was such an angel to Rika? :) And this time in the first episode, I only got 6 or 7 choices 'wrong'. Why am I still end up forgiving her? OTL I know that each episode is short, it's not a whole day so every choice counts, but isn't this proves how much Cheritz wants us to forgive Rika? Some of the choices that lead to Judge End - which is treated as bad end - was like: 'She’s not wandering about our sight to make us feel sorry for her and forgive her, is she? '; 'That’s right. Some people need stop doing wrong things unless they’re properly judged.'; 'That’s nothing compared to what she’s done.'; 'All of those bad things happened because of Rika.'; 'I wish we could get rid of her quickly and return to our happy lives.'; 'Couldn’t you tell us sooner? ' (About Saeran might be alive); 'Don’t stand there crying. This is all because of you.'; 'You’ve already chosen to be a parent. You have no excuse to make up excuses.'; 'Wherever he is, he’ll never get to see you again.' Cheritz please reminds me why are they bad again? =.= These options speak nothing but the truth in my eyes.

And I notice even though sometimes there are more than 2 options, but according to the guide I read, the third option (or even fourth?) is lean towards either judge or forgive (with more than half of it goes to 'forgive'), it's not truly neutral. I would have love a third ending where you get to yell at Rika for being a bitch like she is, then have the option to forgive her and she still gets her redemption arc in jail heh. _(:3」∠)_ Cuz rather than Judge and Forgive, it's more like Cheritz wants to slap us with the label "Blame or Forget". =.=

Anyway, I think I gotta farm some HGs and reset this After Ending, cause I'm starting to like the Judge End more and can't stand having this Episode 1 remain as 'forgive'. I already gave up the idea of romancing V after his route, only wanted to stay friends with him, so I can't be bothered even if MC and V don't get married in Judge End. Not to mention the child that came out of nowhere, I didn't even turn 20 when his AE came out, for crying out loud! Even if there's a 5 years time skip, MC having a child is still a bit too much for me.

[nvrtrust-naims]

im such a genius

im a creative visionary

what the actual hell

all my ideas are so good wth wth wth wth

(ive was struck w such creativity last night while i was shifting/daydreaming LIKE I HAD BEEN DAYDREAMING FOR LIKE 4 FUCKING HOURS AT THAT POINT n like then it hit me — it rlly hit me)

the zombie fucking apocalypse. its so (sparkles n ahhs — basically im cumming like my brain is on such a high im such a fucking genius)

why do i make so many good ideas right when i need them like this is so crazy

honestly the one daydream verse ive been stuck on lately got a little boring n was honestly getting way too close to what my real life is like but THIS OH THIS AHHHHHHH

the zombie apocalypse twist is legit all i needed n now im better like catch me (please dont im embarrassed) daydreaming on all my car rides, whenever i possibly can, n from the hours 10pm to 3am (or 4 if i feel like school a particular bitch that day)

— i stepped away for like an hr or two from writing this to daydream on the ride home if that helps w context or sumn —

i should start daydreaming from 4pm until midnight or 4am again omg im so back into that energy nnngghhhh i want to i want to i want to

but no — cause i am a fulltime student, sibling, friend, and club member i cant jus go full daydream girl until summer — like ik i hate summer (not the season — i love the heat n the summer vibe — i hate the time of year like those specific sets of months n the holidays in them) it the free days for months literally sets me so free

ill be gone 80% of the day for months like full on months n the days blur together n shit n sometimes ill jus sleep or daydream for like 24 hrs or more its so crazy

but tbh im gonna check what i have to do tmmrw n if it doesnt sound particularly important… mmmm im gonna either halfway do it or ignore it to go back to daydreaming beCAUSE IVE STUMBLED ON GOLD AHHHHH ITS SO GOOD actually its not even that diff from b4 but like its sm better idk why im such a genius

this is the sign that im manic again.

n now (bc i took up your time) a collection of current vibes —

this high is pretty up there like on a scale from 1-10 its def a 7 or an 8 its rlly giving — so i think the low that comes after im done being hyper n manic is gonna be rlly low just in time for finals exams n other important end of yr shit 😭😭

[inbetweenhours]

short ramble i uploaded the second and legally final chapter of Who Am I That I Should Get To Hold You and I’m rereading the whole thing after i got my first comment on the second chapter and just,,,,

 god idk what to do with this because writing is such a pain and its technically done but I have 3 rough outlines for a resolving chapter 3 where Tubbo and Q reunite and Tubbo is found out by the sbi his origins and we get some kind of justice for them all with the cabinet duo reunion but every outline doesn't feel quite right and its because chapter 2 was supposed to end with Tubbo meeting w Q and resolving but then chapter 2 was already twice as long as chapter one before i ever had the chance to begin a resolution. So it ends okay for Tubbo with no resolution for Q. And its because the structure of the two chapters was supposed to be a shift in pov. chapter 1 is qs struggle and chapter 2 is tubbos struggle post Q telling him to leave. Chapter 3 existing at all throws a wrench in my plans because i want to balance the pov, and not just switch back to one of them. On top of this that world has so much going on behind the scenes i never mentioned and never will in universe because its not relevant! I don’t think I ever explain what Orpheus/Wilburs powers really are, or Technos. Ranboo is mentioned offhandedly by Tommy in chapter two as another kid Phil has let stay before. Theres a whole unexplored plot wth that! Techno’s parents were supervillains, and he spent a lot of time after meeting Phil realising that and learning to stop defending them and THAT is why he jumps to conclusions about Tubbo’s story and why he doesn’t believe him when he talks well about Q or his dad or anyone else from before. There was an unexplored concept in my brain that I don’t love as a solid plot idea but as a concept the idea of Wilbur and Phil meeting and charming death to bring Sally back is a thought I had! Sally in general is an entirely unexplored idea because she is backstory fodder, dead as the plot begins.  idk this fix just leaves me with a lot of thoughts and i dont really do dsmp anymore and I just needed to get that chapter out but i do like the story and the world and i just didn’t have the energy to put into it... idk 

[zuluc]

1am thoughts let’s goo taken inspo from an ask i got a few months ago that i have to find again

adeptus xiao had lost many of his friends during the archon war, years and years before coming to the time he resides at wangshu inn. he’s fine, content, okay in his isolation, but there’s that feeling he’s carried with him for centuries. a feeling that he can’t get rid of because he can’t heal it. a feeling of loneliness that is only cured by making connections to those he meets.

but what point does it have once those he cherishes will go as quickly as the others went? they may be mortal or immortal, but it doesn’t change the possibilities. so he says nothing. creates no relation to anyone.

the traveler comes and he’s most certain they aren’t even human or at least of a human life-span. they’re much older than they look and the aura they give off is one of experience through countless places not limited to the bounds of Teyvat. he makes an exception here.

but to his surprise, there is one other person he never would have thought to see again. after the war, the disappearances of many he held close was something he has to accept. but your was the most difficult.

hailing as another adepti, though not a yaksha, under Rex Lapis you too fought the war with the strength you could provide. a dendro user you were, one connected to the nature of the earth, hurt by the destruction against the once blossoming fields. your protection and persistence with life aided your fight and helped your companions.

though you fell. you fell down onto the earth after a blow unseen by you or your comrades. it knocked out all your fight and stunned your senses until all you could feel was the field burning in the aftermath. the last you could see before your senses faded was a hue of jade and the color of golden irises.

xiao had known you the longest. you were someone special to him, especially after Rex Lapis had taken him in. he felt his, for a lack of a better term, youth in some ways return to him. you were a delight and he found himself seeking your presence almost everyday whether that be for a walk, a spar, or simply company. your vision provided you with the ability of plants and nature to which you took it upon yourself to jokingly make him flower crowns. he wore them proudly without any insistence.

now he could have nothing more with you after this and he was devastated.

and then you woke, but you were unsure how much time had passed. clues were given about from the new grass you could feel under your fingertips and the sounds from the clear blue waters below. your gaze trickles down to confirm the streams but also the distance to which you were from the actual ground.

you’re on a mountaintop it seems, isolated in your own little area. you look up to see birds soaring in circles on the higher tops and a beacon of light shining into the sky. surely, this was still home? despite not knowing the passage of time there were still aspects of the geography you were familiar with. your brain racks itself for anything really until your hand grazes something behind you.

you turn and feel the petals of a qingxin flower.

a smile subconsciously grazes your lips at the thought of that activity and the memories associated with a particularly stoic male and his adorable accessory. but that feeling of joy also sparks a feeling of worry.

was he alright? did he live? what about the others? ganyu, rex lapis? where were they? you, of course, were still unsure of your own life coming back but thanking the archons in the moment was all you could do.

regardless, you had to find him, right?

your question answers itself when a gust of wind passes by you. in a split second you are startled by the image of him, his mask and all. you’re tempted to reach out and touch it but you’d hate to feel nothing at all. maybe it was better to see but you swear he’s standing in front of you right now. what a mean trick your mind decided to play. it wouldn’t be that easy.

it was easier than he had thought. the waiting game was one xiao had to play for a long time and he had no choice but to continue its run. during his patrols, he has the small thought to look out for anything more green than it should be, perhaps, a shining green vision, or a polearm similar to his own. wishful thinking has never been one of his strong suits.

being realistic was. his search to find anyone he knew had come to an end years ago, but there was a shift in the atmosphere he most certainly could not ignore. not when it felt like you. so he acted, he rushed, he flew to wherever it was and found it.

so he reaches out to cup your face and relief, agony, and sorrow wash over him in intense waves. your face is warm through his gloves but he doesn’t blink, afraid you’ll leave his sights all too soon.

so you reach out as well, your hand placed on the mask to carefully pull it aside. underneath, you melt at the golden irises you’ve always adored. tears burn behind your eyes but you don’t care. not when you are certain he is here and certain that he’s alright.

xiao leans forward, sending his spear away so he can hold you with both hands, pressing his forehead to yours before finally closing his eyes.

i missed you.

[haircoveredwriter]

Some thoughts after watching 11x06 "On the Inside". I'll put it beneath a break because there's more than I thought to my mindless rambling.

Okay so they're going with a straight horror movie intro but skipping the usual 'we're having such a good time out here in the woods...wait, something it out here too'

Both LR and KC do a really good terrified for their lives

Also have to say Virgil really seems to have stepped up since we met him because dude can actually take out walkers now. Good job, sir. Never stop learning.

More of Leah walking around amoungst a group of people and having no real reason to be there or contribute anything to the scene. 🙄

Damn, Hondo! Stop pulling at Frost's nails! I can't rip half mine off at work without feeling like Hershel when Rick chopped his leg. Fingers and toes always make thigs worse.

Chokeholds are illegal, Daryl. Someone needs to have him watch his own earlier seasons.

The conversation beneath the conversation between Daryl and Frost is spot on and super interesting.

Daryl's like 'look...I'm going to have to chop your finger off but it's for a good reason. Gonna save your life and who knows, maybe one of these weirdos has a Govenor closet somewhere and they'll let you take it home with you.'

Plus him taking off the vest was WAY more entralling than it needed to be, but I'm a woman with eyes so don't judge me. 👀😍(Enthralling? yup, that's what we'll go with)

It's a definite sign Daryl's not all team Reapers because he's basically taking off/hiding who he really is to fit in with his crazy ex-girlfriend's new posse.

Though my science schooling is giving how little blood there is from the amputation the side eye. Guess Frost just willed his blood some place else.

Am I crazy or is the music playing while Daryl torutres Frost the same that was playing in 10x07 while Carol tortured the Whisperer? Coincedence??🤔

Evil Monopoly man seems like he enjoys playing games with his people.

If Connie looking in the mirror is not me everyday I wake-up😏

GUYS! There were medical scissors in the medicine cabinet. You know what this means??? Queen Beth is gonna rise from the dead and save Vonnie all while less half a brain. LOL.

whoever belongs to that eye in the hole needs to get checked for jaundice.

Ofc the pencil breaks when Connie TRULY needs it. Fate really has it in for her, screwing her over with one of her most trusted friends.

These Reapers have no idea do they about how to sneak up on a building without being seen. Maybe they need it to be night before their powers activate. Funny Leah is in charge when she's the least believable one there.

Daryl pretending to be a cat hiding behind a plant with that mailbox...no one can see you my friend. You're good.

Carver and Leah remind me of the evil version of Caryl and Daryl.

They obviously have something going on and/or had a thing in Daryl's abscence. All those "Always" remarks sound an awful lot like The Princess Bride's "As you wish".

Yup, Carver is uber jealous of Daryl. Leaver is setting sail ya'll.🚢

Carol strolling in to find Kelly stuck in the mud with her casual "need some help" is perfection. I actually lol'd.

AT is also SUCH and underrated and underutilized actress on this show, I need more Kelly on my screen because she needs to be protected like the sweet cinnamon role she is.

WTH is with this episode, they really out here trying to start a bunch of new ships or something? I'm down for Vonnie.

He's so into you, Connie. Who else is gonna keep talking to you knowing you can't hear them but needing to vocalize how much more important they see you to themselves.

Oh, come on...he's said her name in this ep more times than anyone has in the last season. He's trying to rival Daryl for saying Carol's name in s10.

So in case you're keeping track...we now have Vonnie and Leaver riding the crazy shipping seas.📃

Great... more posturing about who cares about Leah more.🤮 Carver you aren't getting it; Daryl's been phoning it in since Day 1, he's not a threat just wait it out and he'll audios up out of here to go find his fire queen back home.

Leah's even telling Daryl "stop pissing of my secret boyfriend okay?"

Note to everyone: a dancing phone line is the sign to run to the basement and not a sign of an overeager squirrel running across the line for his acorns.

So the jaundice family watched The Ring too many times and think this is how all the cool kids act in horror flicks. All they keep saying is 'hungry'; Connie, Virgil, someone get them a Mars bar and it'll be done.

A+ fight put up by Virgil. He's been taking some classes during the lockdowns to better himself.

The Reapers are HORRIBLE military folk. How do ya'll not see Maggie & co leaving when you have people on the perimeter for the sole purpose of finding runners?! Do not hire them. 1 star on Yelp.

Yup I'm all over Vonnie. That "together" stuff was by far the shippiest thing we've seen all season.

And their reunion hug through the walll .... guuurl.

walker guts trick again: the express version

why do I feel like they could do a mini spin off of just a little war going on between the walkers and those jaundice mo-fos? Then one of the walkers falls for a crawler girl but her family thinks he's from the wrong side of the yellow house and don't like how he thinks he's better because he's taller than all of them.

Kelly found Connie! So happy this storyline ended with the 2 people the arc was truly about; the 2 sisters finding each otherafter years of the show hating siblings.

Now can we finish with Carol's self-hatred stuff and let her heal? We know Daryl is gonna be finished with his "gotta save 'em all" issues soon so it would be fantastic if they could finally be on the same baggage free playing field. Just a thought Kang.

Overall I thought it was a good episode. Only a few things I would nitpick ie. limited Carol, cheesy music during some of the haunted house bits, and the reapers need to go back to basic training and learn some stuff and thangs.

Ofc the spoilers beforehand were blown way out of proportion though I'm not surprised. I didn't go in expecting to see what was foretold and thankfully the spirit Gods prevailed again in defeating the overreaction we go through EVERY episode.

[bestworstcase]

What are your opinions on the whole "Cassandra is a toxic friend for Rapunzel" or "Rapunzel and Cass's friendship was a toxic one" statements?

so.

first of all, “toxic” is one of those buzzwords that gets tossed around on a lot in online spaces and as always with those, i think it’s important to clarify precisely what i mean. the formal definition of “toxic relationship” as phrased by dr. lillian glass, who coined the term, is: 

any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.

toxicity in a relationship doesn’t necessarily stem from abuse (although all abusive relationships are toxic; rectangles and squares, etc). sometimes, it’s just that two people aren’t good for each other, or don’t mesh well, or have other things going on that make it so they can’t do the work necessary to build a sustainable relationship. regardless of the root cause, though, all toxic relationships:

- create persistent stress, unhappiness, discomfort, anxiety, anger, malaise, or resignation, instead of creating joy,

- may catalyze or exacerbate mental health issues of people trapped in them,

- make communication between participants difficult or impossible,

- warp interpersonal boundaries within the relationship, and

- have a detrimental effect on attachments outside the relationship.

so with our term defined, do cass and rapunzel have a toxic friendship?

yeah.

but—and this is the controversial part of my Opinion™ lol—it’s rapunzel, not cassandra, who’s the toxic friend. 

as i see it, there are two major problems here: 

#1: rapunzel has no respect for cassandra’s boundaries.

one idea i see expressed an awful lot in both cass-fan and cass-critical circles is that cassandra isn’t good at communicating her feelings, desires, or needs and frankly... no. i used to kind of nod along with this, but i increasingly just do not agree that this is a general trait of hers.

consider her behavior in season 1.

in before ever after: 

CASS: You can’t let Eugene see you!

RAPUNZEL: What? Why?

CASS: He can’t know anything about last night! I told you, Rapunzel, if it gets out I took you outside Corona, I’m done for.

RAPUNZEL: But I trust Eugene.

CASS: Well I don’t. [beat] My Dad will have me taken off princess detail. We’ll never see each other again.

cass states a boundary plainly and directly, and explains her reasoning so that rapunzel will understand why it’s so important to her that rapunzel keep their excursion a secret. 

in what the hair: 

CASS: Raps, I told you, we can’t tell anyone about that night!

RAPUNZEL: Um, Cass, I think the secret’s pretty much out.

CASS: Yeah, yeah, everyone know’s the hair’s back—but if anyone found out I was the one who snuck you out when it happened, I would be sent to a convent. Literally a convent.

RAPUNZEL: Well... I have to tell Eugene.

CASS: No, no, no no—as far as he knows, you... just woke up that morning with long hair.

RAPUNZEL: But Eugene is my boyfriend! We tell each other everything!

CASS: I know this is a lot to ask, but I can’t risk it. Please, don’t tell Eugene.

again, cass is upfront in asking rapunzel to keep this secret from her. she even acknowledges that she’s asking a lot from rapunzel, but her livelihood and home are dependent on this secret staying secret, and cass spells this out as clearly as possible for rapunzel. 

then, when eugene tries to guilt-trip rapunzel into telling him the secret, cass cuts in to emphasize—again—why she doesn’t want him to know: “I don’t trust you. You have a big mouth,” a statement she backs up with multiple examples just from the week or so since BEA.

and later in the episode: 

RAPUNZEL: This isn’t right, Cassandra! I have to tell Eugene.

CASS: No! Rapunzel, I want to trust you. And I trust that you trust Eugene, but I don’t trust Eugene, and if I can’t trust Eugene, I can’t trust you, and you’re just going to have to trust me. [beat] Trust me, that logic tracks. 

the gag of course is that this is not an especially eloquent way of stating her point, but the reasoning here does in fact track: cassandra’s safety depends on keeping their excursion secret, and she doesn’t trust eugene’s ability or willingness to protect her by keeping the secret, therefore she is asking—really, begging, at this point—rapunzel not to tell him.

cassandra’s communication on this point is always crystal clear. she empathizes with rapunzel’s discomfort keeping the secret from eugene, she understands why rapunzel feels that way, and she repeatedly and clearly asks rapunzel to prioritize cassandra’s safety over her own discomfort. 

and rapunzel refuses. in the final scene of what the hair, rapunzel checks to make sure that cassandra isn’t paying attention, then tells eugene the truth. his gut reaction is to cheer because oho cass is in for it now, and of course raps shuts this down—but she doesn’t care that she just betrayed cassandra’s trust. she’s just relieved that she’s no longer hiding anything from eugene. 

now, we don’t get to see cassandra’s reaction to this, but cass is standing right there, and even if she didn’t hear rapunzel telling him the secret, she would certainly have heard eugene crowing about getting her into trouble. there is no way she doesn’t realize what just happened. 

it’s not brought up again in the next few episodes, so we can assume that cass simply decided to let it slide. rapunzel doesn’t mean any harm, after all, and she got eugene to promise not to spill the beans. it is what it is. cass just has to hope neither of them tell anyone else.

and this brings us to the next time cass tries to establish a boundary with rapunzel, in challenge of the brave.

now in this situation, there’s no danger to cassandra. she just wants to participate in the challenge and she’s simply not keen on the idea of competing alongside rapunzel.

but... remember what happened the last time cass laid down a boundary with rapunzel? not just any boundary, but a boundary about something that was a significant and immediate threat to cassandra’s safety? remember how carefully and clearly she explained herself to rapunzel, how she pleaded for rapunzel to protect her by keeping the secret—only for rapunzel to glibly do the one thing cass begged her not to do?

in challenge of the brave, cassandra knows that rapunzel won’t listen to her stated boundaries even when cassandra’s whole life in the palace is at stake. and the stakes are not that high with the challenge, not by a long shot, so what does cass do when rapunzel tries to tag along?

RAPUNZEL: I wanna sign up!

CASS: You mean compete?!

RAPUNZEL: Let’s do it together! 

[excited kid babble]

CASS: That would be fun... but I’m not so sure that’s the best idea...

RAPUNZEL: I’m brave! And I’m always up for a challenge!

CASS: But th- the thing is, the Challenge is by invitation only, so you can’t do it. Oh, man, ughh, rules are rules!

RAPUNZEL: Aw, okay. But you can always count on me to cheer you on!

first, cass drops a large hint that she really is not enthused about the idea of competing in the challenge with rapunzel. she’s clearly hoping that raps will pick up on her disinterest and back off on her own (and if rapunzel were more socially astute, she probably would, because cass is... not subtle). 

but when this doesn’t work, instead of saying outright that she wants to do the challenge by herself, cass scrambles and makes up a lie to prevent rapunzel from entering. why? well, rapunzel didn’t listen to her when the stakes were “i will be sent to a convent,” so she has no reason to think rapunzel will listen to her when the stakes are “this is just something i want to do by myself.” 

this happens again when rapunzel is making cass uncomfortable before the challenge begins; in contrast to BEA/WTH, cass is visibly uncomfortable being open about her feelings with rapunzel now, so she says “Why don’t you go find Eugene in the stands?” instead of being direct about what she wants.

now of course, all this falls apart when rapunzel discovers the lie and decides to sign up for the challenge at the last minute. cass reacts quite badly to this, with her frustration and hurt feelings bubbling up more and more throughout the challenge. but like, at this point, what is she supposed to do? rapunzel is in the ring. she’s going to be in the challenge whether cass likes it or not, and when rapunzel first enters, cass tries really hard to grit her teeth and be a good sport about it.

she just... can’t, because the challenge means too much to her. it represents her life outside of being rapunzel’s servant, and rapunzel joining in and effortlessly succeeding at things cass has trained hard for feels like rapunzel taking that away from her.

all of which eventually culminates in... this: 

RAPUNZEL: Wait, stop! We’re supposed to be friends!

CASS: A friend wouldn’t be so oblivious, Rapunzel. You have no idea what this contest means to me! I mean, you’re a princess, you’ve got nothing to prove. To you, this was just a fun way to blow off a Saturday, but to me, it was a chance to show everyone that I am more than just your lady-in-waiting. And just when I thought I might get even the slightest bit of respect... Never mind.

cass spends the whole day bottling these feelings up, but when she does finally snap, she is able to clearly and succinctly express what her problem is. and though this isn’t explicitly stated, it seems likely to me that cassandra didn’t say any of this earlier because she assumed rapunzel wouldn’t care. when raps says “I respect you, I look up to you!” cass is visibly taken aback. 

and this is super important!! because rapunzel listens. even though cass tried to brush off her own feelings, rapunzel sees what her problem was, understands her, and immediately offers her a true, heartfelt apology. this matters to cass. this is why she lets go of her anger, and why she’s able to gracefully accept rapunzel’s victory a few minutes later. she’s not just seeing that rapunzel really does care for her, she’s also seeing a marked change from how rapunzel treated her in BEA/WTH. she’s seeing a signal from rapunzel that rapunzel DOES care about her boundaries after all.

like with the BEA/WTH incident, this leads into the next time cass expresses a boundary with rapunzel, in under raps. 

in under raps, the stakes are super high again: cass is a key player in a dangerous game of espionage with an insurgent who’s going to attempt to steal top secret information that would put all of corona in danger if it fell into the wrong hands. and cass is doing this on top of all her duties as a lady-in-waiting and a maid, during an obnoxious holiday that she’s not a fan of in general, so she’s pretty damn stressed.

anyway, at the beginning of the episode, cass is very open about how she feels about the day of hearts, and when rapunzel tries to “fix” this, cass makes her disinterest clear—first politely, and then more pointedly when rapunzel doesn’t take the hint: “I don’t have time right now. You two have fun though, okay?” → “Will you just stop, Rapunzel?” and, when rapunzel continues to push: 

CASS: Look, Raps, I get what you’re doing, and I appreciate it, but I’m fine.

RAPUNZEL: Cass, no! Something is clearly wrong; you never wanna hang out, you keep disappearing, you don’t even want to beat up Eugene!

CASS: I’m dealing with... some stuff. Stuff I’m not ready to share–but when I am ready, you’ll be the first person I go to. Trust me.

here, as in BEA/WTH, cassandra has no trouble articulating what she wants from rapunzel. she doesn’t elaborate on exactly what’s going on, but she is upfront that 1) there is something, 2) she’s not ready to talk about it, 3) she’s planning on telling rapunzel once she’s ready, and 4) she wants rapunzel to stop pushing in the meantime. and... unlike in BEA/WTH, it seems like cass actually trusts rapunzel to listen to her because she’s taken to heart the way rapunzel apologized in COTB.

except... once again, rapunzel ignores her clearly stated boundaries. she’s too curious about what cassandra is up to to wait until cass is ready to share, so she follows cass and spies on her, taking the choice to share out of cassandra’s hands. then, despite recognizing that cassandra is not keen to be open about her relationship with andrew (rapunzel notes to eugene that cass seems “shy” about it), rapunzel decides to push for even more: 

CASS: A double date?!

RAPUNZEL: Yes! They’re four person fun-machines!

CASS: Rapunzel, I appreciate your enthusiasm. I really, really do, but I- I’m not at a place where I wanna go public.

RAPUNZEL: Which is why I’ve come up with an itinerary of private activities for us.

CASS: [sighing] But we really aren’t that serious yet.

RAPUNZEL: No problem! We’ll keep it short and sweet, then!

cass is withholding some information here—but it’s information that really needs to be withheld. state secrets and intrigue on this level is not something you go around casually telling your friend, especially if that friend has a history of revealing important secrets. 

that issue aside, though, cass is once again very straightforward here. she doesn’t want to go on a double date. she doesn’t want her relationship with andrew to be made public, because it isn’t serious. but every time cass draws a line, rapunzel modifies her proposal to “accommodate” the reason cass gives for saying no (don’t want to go public? that’s fine, we’ll do private activities. you’re not that serious yet? okay, we’ll only do a few casual things) instead of just accepting the no, until cass relents.

it’s also worth noting that when cass relents, she agrees to dinner—but rapunzel acts like she’s agreed to everything on the itinerary, plus a hot air balloon ride. when cass says “This double date needs to end now,” and “As soon as the balloon touches down, I’d like to be alone with [Andrew],” Rapunzel tries to protest: “But we haven’t even gotten to the tandem horseback ride yet.” 

and finally, after all this, when rapunzel interrupts, putting both herself and cass in serious danger and enabling andrew to get away with the journal, cassandra has no problem telling rapunzel how she feels: 

CASS: You know, after the exposition debacle, this was my big chance to prove to my Dad I have what it takes to be a guard. But you messed that all up, Rapunzel!

RAPUNZEL: Well, ugh, maybe if you had told me what you were planning, I wouldn’t have messed it up!

CASS: I couldn’t count on you not letting anything slip!

RAPUNZEL: Hey! I can keep things to myself!

CASS: Oh, yeah? Kinda like when you told Eugene about the night we snuck out? 

RAPUNZEL: How did you know about—

CASS: Or when you told your Dad about those rocks I showed you?!

RAPUNZEL: I had to! He was gonna—

CASS: And how’d your mom find out who ate her last chocolate truffle? Hm?

RAPUNZEL: I turned myself in! The guilt was just—

CASS: Look, Raps, you’re my best friend. But you’re a sharer. It’s in your nature. And I’m fine with that, but you’ll have to be fine with respecting things I want to keep to myself. 

RAPUNZEL: Even if those things have life-threatening consequences?

CASS: Okay, in my defense, no one’s life was really threatened until you showed up. 

RAPUNZEL: ...You’re right. Alright, tell you what, let’s make a deal. I’ll understand you keeping some things to yourself, if you understand that when something’s bothering you, I’m gonna want to help. You’ve got my back, so let me have yours.

CASS: I suppose I can live with that.

notice... three things here. 

first, not only does rapunzel not apologize, she blames cassandra for her own behavior. cass should have just told her everything from the get go—then she wouldn’t have needed to push, pester, and spy on cassandra to figure out what was going on and she wouldn’t have burst in and ruined the delicate sting operation cassandra was handling. in rapunzel’s mind, the problem isn’t that she didn’t respect cass’s clearly stated boundaries—the problem is that cass didn’t tell her every single detail about why she had those boundaries. 

second, cass explains exactly why she wasn’t forthcoming: rapunzel has an established pattern of spilling important secrets, including important secrets, including secrets that cass expressly asked her not to share with anyone. cassandra didn’t just arbitrarily decide to keep the truth of her “relationship” with andrew a secret—she made a reasonable decision based on her estimation of rapunzel’s ability to keep her mouth shut. an estimation informed by rapunzel’s past behavior. 

and third, rapunzel offers cass a “deal” that boils down to, “i’ll accept that you have boundaries if you accept that i am going to push them.” (she phrases this in a nice way, but based on her behavior in this episode and in future episodes, it is clear that by “help” and “have your back,” rapunzel doesn’t mean “i will back off if you tell me to back off, but i’m always willing to lend a hand if you ask.”) and cass accepts this. 

and... that’s pretty much where the girls stand for the rest of s1-s2. big brothers of corona and to a lesser extent freebird are other episodes where cass lays down a boundary and rapunzel disregards it either in the name of “helping” or because it’s about something she just really, really wants to do. and cass continues to get frustrated and have angry outbursts in response to this behavior, but it never, ever changes.

[i have mentioned this before but the argument that cassandra is a bad friend to rapunzel in s1-s2 because of how “mean” she is, how “cranky,” how she “snaps” or “yells” at rapunzel, or “bullies” her, etc—what this argument ignores is the fact that, with the exception of the time in BEA when she’s panicking over real danger, cass always leads with soft boundaries or polite refusals, escalates to harder, blunter statements when rapunzel ignores her, and snaps/yells/gets angry in response to rapunzel transgressing those more firmly-stated boundaries. cass is not the aggressor in these situations.]

#2: rapunzel can’t or won’t see the power she has over cass.

this disregard for cassandra’s boundaries would be a huge problem on its own, but it’s compounded by another: cassandra is rapunzel’s servant. rapunzel is cassandra’s boss. and not only is rapunzel cassandra’s boss, she’s also the princess of corona. she is a queen-in-training.

their friendship does not, and can not, exist on level ground, because rapunzel has a HUGE degree of authority over cassandra’s life, and at the end of the day... if rapunzel wants them to do something, cassandra can’t say no. her choices are “do what rapunzel says” or “refuse direct orders from the princess of corona.” cassandra is well aware of this—painfully so, at times—and rapunzel is not.

let’s talk about rapunzel and the great tree. 

context: cass had her lifelong dream of joining the royal guard within her grasp at the end of s1. she had just commanded a successful battle against an army of automatons and played a key role in rescuing the queen from her kidnapper. had she chosen to stay in corona, she could have gotten everything she ever wanted. 

instead, she chose to accompany rapunzel on her quest into unknown territory, and the king himself charged her with keeping rapunzel safe during the journey. she takes this duty as seriously as able, but she is undermined constantly and her efforts to steer the group away from dangerous, unnecessary detours are, without exception, ignored. and, because the rest of the group is composed of adventurous people less risk-averse than cass is (and without the burden of responsibility for rapunzel’s safety weighing on their shoulders), cass becomes the group naysayer, the joyless stick-in-the-mud trying to ruin their fun. even rapunzel starts to see her that way, brushing off cass’s concern for her safety at the beginning of RATGT.

this is not a nice position to be in. on top of the boundary problem that has been present since s1, cass is now under a lot of pressure, her friends aren’t treating her very well, and she’s stressed out and unhappy.

RATGT is when all of this comes to a head. adira—whom cass feels, not without merit, has supplanted her as the protector of the group, as rapunzel’s confidant, and as the voice of reason—tells them they must go through the great tree, even though a dangerous enemy (one who already almost killed them, and one whom adira has just admitted she was once affiliated with) lives inside it. cassandra says this sounds like a bad idea to her, and once again, rapunzel overrules her advice.

they enter the tree. adira reveals that the tree once belonged to zhan tiri, and although she assures them the tree is harmless, they still end up in mortal peril twice: first because of the withering incantation, and second because of the giant carnivorous flower that tries to eat eugene, lance, pascal, and maximus. they press on, and after an exhausting hike, they make it to the top of the great tree. adira suggests they camp for the night, cass says no way, that’s a terrible idea. and... well: 

RAPUNZEL: Cass... We could use the rest.

CASS: Rapunzel, this place almost got us killed an hour ago. 

ADIRA: And thankfully, I was there to prevent it.

CASS: You stay out of this, Adira!

ADIRA: I think you should calm down.

CASS: You know what I think? I think you’re playing us. I think you led us here on purpose, and for some sick reason, you wanted Rapunzel to find that incantation and read it.

RAPUNZEL: Come on, Cass, listen to yourself—

CASS: Rapunzel, I’m telling you right now, we need to get out of this tree, but more importantly, we need to lose Adira before she gets us all killed.

RAPUNZEL: I can’t do that, Cass.

CASS: What do you mean you ‘can’t do that’? Of course you can! Are you that obliviously naive that you can’t see—

RAPUNZEL: ENOUGH, Cassandra! No one is getting rid of anyone! Is that clear?

CASS: ...Yes, Your Highness. I’ll keep first watch.

now... this is absolutely not cassandra’s finest moment. she’s upset and acting paranoid and yelling at adira because she’s exhausted, she was drained by the withering incantation an hour ago, and this is six months of frustration and unhappiness all coming to a boil at the worst possible moment. and this is not rapunzel’s finest moment either, because she’s also exhausted and stressed and reacting emotionally to cass’s outburst. neither of them behave well in this argument.

but the key thing to takeaway here is not that they’re both acting irrational and distraught, but that this is the moment when the other shoe drops.

rapunzel is a princess who grew up powerless. not only is she unaccustomed to wielding power, she barely grasps that she has it at all. and while cassandra, her servant, is keenly aware of the class chasm between herself and rapunzel, rapunzel’s ignorance of it—or at least, willingness to ignore it—enabled them to become close friends. it gave cass a level of comfort with rapunzel, and once they were outside of corona, those boundaries got fuzzier.

until rapunzel pulls rank during this argument. 

when rapunzel screams “ENOUGH, Cassandra!” the whole group is visibly shocked and uncomfortable. lance even grimaces. cassandra lets go of rapunzel’s arm and retreats like she’s been stung. no one says anything, no one steps up to defend her—not because she’s in the wrong, but because she crossed the line and directly challenged rapunzel’s authority. and she can’t do that, because rapunzel is the princess, and cass is her servant. and rapunzel is willing to use that authority to shut her down.

that is what makes this moment so painful for cass. when push came to shove, rapunzel treated her like a servant, not a friend. 

but rapunzel... doesn’t understand this. she’s confused about why cass got upset and why cass reacted the way she did during the argument. so when she goes to try to patch things up, she doesn’t actually apologize, and she completely misses the core of why cass is hurt: 

RAPUNZEL: So... Earlier. That got awkward, huh?

CASS: Huh. Which part?

RAPUNZEL: I know it’s been an unusual day...

CASS: You know it’s not just about Adira, right? I mean, she’s a jerk, and I can’t stand her, but it’s just... Since when did you stop trusting my judgment?

RAPUNZEL: Cass. You are the closest thing that I will ever have to a big sister, but I’m not that naive girl fresh out of the tower anymore. I am going to be queen someday, and I can promise you I’m going to make decisions that you’re going to disagree with. And I need you to be okay with that. ...Well... I better get some rest. I’m on the next shift.

rapunzel doesn’t just not apologize for pulling rank while shouting cass down in front of their friends. she tells cass i am the queen, i will make decisions you don’t like, you need to be okay with that. and i think it’s worth noting that this is how cass reacts: 

cass sort of slumps while rapunzel is talking, but when rapunzel says “I need you to be okay with that,” cassandra pulls herself up, squeezes her eyes shut, and takes a deep breath. and then she makes herself smile.

it’s not a happy smile. it’s not a cheered-up, feeling-better smile. this is the smile of a woman who just opened up to her best friend about one of her deepest insecurities and got told that her feelings don’t matter, her friend is the queen and she just needs to deal with it. so that’s what cass is doing here: she’s sucking it up and dealing with it.

is this the message rapunzel wanted to send? no. but what rapunzel doesn’t get is that her friendship with cass doesn’t exist separately from her relationship with cass as a queen to her servant. any pretense that it could shattered the instant she pulled rank. so while rapunzel is trying to speak as one friend to another here, cassandra responds as a servant.

and now let’s talk about rapunzel: day one. 

cass, of course, gets burnt in the great tree, but that in and of itself doesn’t have anything to do with the question of whether this friendship is toxic or not. the only thing to bear in mind is that, while using the incantation during the battle in the great tree, rapunzel says two things to cassandra: “I got this, Cass, go!” and: “I can’t... control it!” 

this is important because, in RDO, rapunzel only remembers (or acknowledges) the first of those statements. it’s possible that she genuinely forgot admitting she couldn’t break herself out of the incantation, and it’s possible that she’s selectively choosing to focus on telling cass that she was fine and to get out of the tree as a way of alleviating the guilt she feels. which one is not really important. what is important is this: 

rapunzel blames cass for getting injured in the great tree.

in fact, she’s is angry at cassandra for getting injured in the great tree.

RAPUNZEL: I get why Cass is mad at me. She told me not to use the decay spell back at the Great Tree, and I did, and she hurt her hand. But if she had just listened to me and stayed out of it, this all could have been avoided! And I feel like we could work things out, but she refuses to talk about it! [...] I’ve gotta find a way to get her to talk to me.

and

RAPUNZEL: It’s okay if you’re mad at me. I’m mad at you too. I told you that I had it under control, and you didn’t listen. 

so... this is the dynamic at play here. 

first, rapunzel constantly disregards cassandra’s boundaries in general. cass knows this. 

second, rapunzel insists that it’s all cassandra’s fault that she got injured, because rapunzel either doesn’t remember or won’t acknowledge that her saying “I can’t control it” is what prompted cassandra to grab her. 

third, immediately before cass was injured, rapunzel pulled rank to shut cassandra down in an argument, shouting at and humiliating her in front of their friends. a few minutes later, when cass opened up about her hurt feelings and insecurities, rapunzel reiterated that she is in charge, and cass just needs to “be okay” with that. 

and fourth, rapunzel is making cassandra’s pain—her physical pain, and her hurt and angry feelings about having been horrifically injured by her best friend—all about rapunzel. rapunzel wants to talk things out so everything can be okay again and she can stop feeling guilty about what she did to cass, and the fact that cass isn’t ready to talk about it doesn’t matter because rapunzel wants to talk about it NOW.

[sidebar: “We can’t just push this aside and forget it like it never happened!” lmao season three would like to have a word with you.]

what... exactly is cass supposed to do here? 

if she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, rapunzel will pester and prod and wheedle her until she snaps. if she gives rapunzel the cold shoulder, as it’s implied she’s been doing, rapunzel will manufacture a situation where it’s just the two of them alone together so she can back cass into a corner and make her talk about it. if she does what rapunzel told her to do—i.e., be okay with decisions rapunzel makes as queen—by saying things like “Look, if you feel that way, then it’s fine. We’re good,” rapunzel will refuse to accept that and continue to bug her.

and if rapunzel, her boss, the princess, has decided that the fault for cass’s injury lies on cassandra’s shoulders... and if the last time cass opened up about her feelings with rapunzel, rapunzel effectively told her to just deal with it... why would cass want to subject herself to this conversation?

she literally does not have a single good option here. every choice available to her sucks.

i think this is why we don’t hear rapunzel apologize at the end of RDO; why the resolution is cass saying “i’m still angry, but i’ll get over it.” she’s still doing what rapunzel told her to do in the great tree: trying her best to suck up her feelings and be okay with rapunzel’s decision.

i don’t think cass is lying at the end of RDO. she really does feel sorry for using the wand, she really does intend to get over her anger. but i also think she is holding a lot of stuff back because she no longer feels safe expressing her true feelings around rapunzel. this is not s1 cass, who was comfortable spontaneously expressing and explaining her boundaries and frustration and pain to rapunzel. this is a cass who has learned that her feelings don’t matter to rapunzel, not really. that rapunzel is more invested in “getting along” than in actually making sure cassandra feels better. 

so she turtles up and toes that line as much as she is able. 

and that is where the toxicity in their friendship comes from. 

rapunzel means well. god bless her, she really, truly does. and she really, truly loves cass with all her heart. all she wants is for cassandra to be happy. absolutely none of her behavior towards cass is malicious or intentionally cruel.

but she is a nineteen year old who was raised by an abusive, narcissistic kidnapper and was then, less than a week after escaping that environment, dumped into a position of enormous authority with zero preparation. she doesn’t know how to have healthy relationships. her relationship with eugene is healthy because eugene is an easy-going, well-adjusted guy who is on equal footing with her and who doesn’t have any qualms about letting her in on his private thoughts or feelings and who is both willing and able to gently help her correct course when she inadvertently veers into yikes territory. 

but cassandra has baggage and the hard personal boundaries that come with it. and cassandra is rapunzel’s servant, with all the restriction and limits that implies. for rapunzel, trying to be cassandra’s friend is like trying to climb a mountain when she’s just barely learnt how to crawl. she has no fucking clue what she’s doing and she is not equipped to handle it.

i think cassandra gets this, and that’s why she gives rapunzel so many chances, why in s1 she tries so hard to help rapunzel understand where she’s coming from. but it doesn’t get better—in fact, it gets worse. (a lifetime of behaviors absorbed from your abusive “mother” do not disappear in a year’s time.) and it destroys cassandra’s mental health, makes her miserable, leads her to repress her feelings more and more throughout the tail end of s2, and leaves her wide open for zhan tiri to take advantage of in the shell house. 

at the same time, the very fact that none of this is intentional or malicious on rapunzel’s part means that this is a relationship that can be repaired. rapunzel understands cass a lot better in s3, and she’s made huge strides in healing from gothel’s abuse. the whole moonstone/zhan tiri debacle ends up being a giant reset button on their relationship: they still love each other deeply, but they’re effectively starting over from scratch, and they’ll be taking it slowly by dint of cassandra leaving corona. their only contact will be via letters for the foreseeable future, which will (a) give cass time to get her head on straight and figure out what she wants to do with her life, which she desperately needs, and (b) give rapunzel some much-needed practice in being patient, not prying, not letting her nosiness lead her to step on cassandra’s boundaries, etc. and in leaving corona, cass also left her servitude to rapunzel, so they can finally approach each other on an equal footing. 

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 36

Chapter 36: Electric Love

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6  🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28 🡪chapter 29 🡪chapter 30 🡪chapter 31 🡪chapter 32  🡪chapter 33 🡪chapter 34 🡪chapter 35

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

Candy, she's sweet like candy in my veins Baby, I'm dying for another taste

And every night my mind is running around her Thunder's getting louder and louder

Baby, you're like lightning in a bottle I can't let you go now that I got it And all I need is to be struck By your electric love (Ohh) Baby, your electric love (Ahh) Electric love

Drown me (Drown me), you make my heart beat like the rain Surround me (Oh), hold me deep beneath your waves

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

                                                Her eyes roamed on me shamelessly and it made my lips curl. I didn't even dare to take a step closer, scared she'd take a step back so i just waited a few minutes.

We were getting along so well since the start of this trip and it made me realize that most of the time, we had fun together, no matter what we did. The only reasons why we fought was because of jealousy or about the status of our relationship but if we ended up dating and trusting each other, what we had would be epic. I knew it. I felt it. I just didn't know how to tell her anymore. I didn't know how to convince her. But the more time we spent together, the closer I felt to her, and I just hoped that at some point, she'd see what I see.

"Turn around." she let out in a low tone, making me raise my eyebrows.

"Are you... serious?" I asked gently. She started nibbling on her bottom lip and it made me realize how nervous she was. "You know you're beautiful, right?"

"I don't have the kind of body that makes people stare and I know it." she let out, shaking her head lightly. "You say you love having sex with me but, it's all about that connection we have, it's about those feelings. Me just getting naked in front of you wouldn't do anything to you without that."

My lips parted slightly and I frowned  before shaking my head too. "The connection and feelings are all that matters, don't you think?"

"I've always just... wanted to be gorgeous for someone, you know? I was never the pretty girl, I was never really important. If I was in a book, I'd be the ugly and fat best friend. I want to be the protagonist."

I took a few steps closer to her slowly and she didn't move. I blinked a few times and breathed in before sighing with a small smile. "You're the main girl in my story, Devie." I whispered. "I thought you knew that."

Her tongue ran nervously on her bottom lip and after a while, she grabbed the bottom on her shirt and passed it over her head. I waited, motionless, as she took off her pants too and I tried to keep my eyes locked with hers for as long as I could. I didn't resist too long and my eyes traveled down on her breasts, moving to her stomach and panties. I knew I was the one who didn't want us to have sex anymore but I had no idea how I'd be able to resist and quickly, I looked up in her eyes and my lips curled on the left.

"Last one in the pool is a loser." I said a bit too loud before jumping in the pool.

When I got my head out of the water, I pushed my hair out of my face wth a fast head movement only to see Devon near me, in the pool. She was rubbing her eyes and my lips curled in a smirk.

"Got water in your eyes?" I asked, pushing more water at her and letting out a laugh.

"Hey!" she did the same to me and we started fighting. I was hearing her laugh, keeping my eyes closed as I received as much water as I was throwing, and it made my heart swell in my chest. I felt a bit bad for changing the subject and not commenting on her being half naked in front of me, but I was so close to kiss and touch her that I just had to move away.

When we finally stopped, she had a smile plastered on her face and she swam a bit closer to me. I watched small waves still move over her chin and it made me want to kiss her again. Everything made me want to kiss her.

"You know, I said I didn't want us to have sex anymore because it hurt too much, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends." I pointed out randomly.

I had no idea if I'd be able to be only her friend. In fact, it seemed highly impossible. Every single time I looked at her, I was tempted to kiss her and tell her how I feel. It was almost automatic, and it was not easy to stop myself. I wanted to write a million songs about her and whisper them to her in the dark, late at night, when we'd be cuddling. I wanted to share everything with her and I wanted her to trust me enough to do the same. I wanted to be the one to make her laugh, to make her smile. I wanted to be the first person on her mind when she'd wake up, and the last before she'd fall asleep at night. I felt so selfish to want all that, to need all that, yet here I was, wanting it so bad it was almost unbearable.

"We can try."

From the tone of her voice, I knew she didn't believe it could work either, but I was ready to try. Not having her in my life would be too tough on me, I knew it.

"Okay, good. Then you should let me show you how to snowboard tomorrow."

This time, she laughed and shook her head. "No, I don't think so."

"Come on, it'll be fun! I promise I won't laugh at you."

She seemed to think for a few seconds, her eyes never leaving mine, and when she finally nodded, my smile grew more. She started running her fingertips on top of the water, and I watched them move, leaving a trail behind. I couldn't understand why everything she did endeared me but It didn't matter.

"You know you're wearing white boxers, right?"

"Yes." I chuckled. "I'm the one who put them on this morning. Besides, that's the only underwear color I own."

"Do you know I'm gonna see your dick through it when you get out of the water?"

"Is that a complaint?"

This time, she just giggled and it made me smile even more. She started swimming away, turning around and getting on her back to float. I followed her to a part of the pool that was not as deep and she disappeared underwater before moving back up very close to me, right in front of me. She sent me a smile and I loved how the lights of the pool reflected on her face. I took a step closer and she took one back, making her smile get bigger. It faltered when her back hit the side of the pool and she tilted her head as I moved even closer.

"You're so beautiful." I whispered as she tilted her chin up to look in my eyes. "You make me want to.."

I stopped myself and pressed my lips together but she just raised her eyebrows up as her lips parted.

"I make you want to what?"

I knew she expected something sexual and I hesitated. Should I tell her just what she wanted to hear, or what I really was about to say? I took my hand out of the water and brought it to her cheek, running my wet fingers on her skin, noticing her eyes fluttering at my touch. I brought one of my thumbs on her bottom lip, brushing it gently before one of my fingers ran slowly down her tiny nose.

"You make me want to drop up everything for you." I admitted in a whisper. "You just have to say it and I'll do it." Her eyes got slightly bigger as she stared at me and I bent down slightly. "Please, say it."

"Niall..." she murmured, making me shake my head.

"You said you loved me earlier, right?"

"That-That's not what I said." she just replied so low I barley heard.

"Do you love me?" I asked, ignoring her comment. We remained silent for a while and I breathed in deeply before repeating my question a bit louder. "Do you love me, Devie?"

"Yes. I do."

Her answer surprised me, making my heart throb all over my body. My vision got blurry and I blinked a few times until I could see her face again. Did I just imagine that or did it really happen? At first, I wanted to ask her to repeat just to be sure I was not dreaming, but I only shook my head, my lips parted. I was searching for the right words to tell her, something smart or sweet to answer, but nothing came to mind. I placed two fingers under her chin and moved it up very slowly.

I brought my head down until my lips reached hers and immediately, her eyes closed. I shut mine tight too before deepening the kiss and my heart skipped a beat when I felt her hands reach my chest. It was a weird feeling, her fingers running on me slowly because of the water, and I couldn't help but bring my hands to her body, too. I moved them over her breasts before reaching her shoulders and moving the straps of her bra down. We both had to go slowly, the water slowing our movements, but it didn't matter. I felt like it was even better this way.

One of her hands moved down my stomach and reach for my dick over my boxers, making me groan in her mouth. She only ran her hand up and down a few times on it and it made me so hard that I felt a bit dizzy.

"Did you ever have sex in a pool?" I asked in a whisper, bringing my hands to the side of her panties, slipping my fingers in and hooking them on the waist band.

"Mm, no, but I feel like I'm about to."

I smiled against her mouth and chuckled a bit, making her laugh too. I moved down a bit to her take off her panties, bringing them out of water and leaving them on the side of the pool. I felt her hands try to move my boxers down and I helped her before moving closer and kissing her again. Slowly, I brought my hand between her legs and she let out a curse word, making me smile more despite myself. It was amazing how fast we could turn each other on and I grabbed one of her legs, gripping my dick with my free hand. I pushed myself inside her slowly, feeling her walls throb around me, and I finally gripped her hair, kissing her slowly but deeply.

It felt so amazing to be inside her again, my body pressed on hers. I had missed the taste of her mouth and the feeling of her touch. My body was alive when she was near, so alive that I had no idea how long I would last. I started thrusting up slowly and gently, my grip tightening in her hair as my other hand moved between us to reach her clit.

"Oh my... god."

Her hands groped around as she tried to find something to grip to keep her balance but I just pushed her harder, pressing her between my body and the pool.

"You feel so good." I whispered, panting against her lips. "I love you so much."

I rubbed my nose gently against hers and she let her head fall back. I ran my open mouth until her neck, leaving small kisses before nibbling on her skin gently and when she let out a moan, I knew I was close.

"Devie..."

She brought her head up again and kissed me harder as I started fucking her faster. "Don't stop." she whispered, holding me close, our mouths pressed together and her hand behind my head. "Please, Niall."

I reached for the side of the pool to hold myself and started fucking her deeper, my forehead leaned against hers and my parted lips brushing on hers with every movement. I heard her whisper my name so softly and I started cumming, letting out a curse word under my breath. She started shaking against me but only whimpered low until her body relaxed. It took me about a minute before I opened my eyes again, panting slightly and I looked at her, her eyes fluttering open until they met mine.

"Do you do that with all your friends?" she asked, letting out a chuckle. "I mean you said we could be friends, and here we are."

"I meant it when I said it." I confessed in a murmur. "But then, you said you loved me, and it changed everything."

She didn't answer and I just kissed her lips gently again before reaching for my boxers and pulling them up. I watched her take her panties back and putting them on without coming out of the pool.

"I think we should leave."

"Yea me too, if we get caught it's gonna be bad!"

I put both my hands on the side of the pool, pulling me out with a swing and when I turned back to her, she was sending me a smile, pressing her lips together. She finally turned around and reached for the stairs, getting out of the pool slowly. I stared at her too but when she shivered, I realized that I was cold too.

"We forgot towels." I pointed out uselessly as she nodded. "There must be some in a closet near." I added, grabbing my clothes and the keys I had stolen.

She did the same and followed me out slowly, trying not to make any sound. I locked the door again and we walked to the nearest hall. I smiled when I saw a closet and tried a few keys before finding one that worked. She rushed inside and I followed her but when the door closed behind us, I felt my heart jump in my chest.

"Oh shit."

I turned around, running my fingertips on the door, trying to find the knob again and when I tried to turn it, It confirmed what I feared. It was locked.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Devie. I think I just locked us here."

She remained silence for a while but I knew her heart was beating fast because mine was too. "Wait, you got the keys, just unlock it!"

"Uhm, the keys are already in the lock but on the other side of the door."

"Uh-oh."

I blinked a few times, getting slowly used to the darkness, and my eyes followed her shadow as she moved a bit farther. It took only a few seconds before a light appeared and I blinked again, blinded by it. She finally handed me a towel and placed her phone on a shelf to illuminate the room the best she could. I couldn't help but stare at her when she took her wet bra off before running the towel on her breasts. I knew we just had sex but I loved looking at her and when she took her panties off too, I held my breath. I finally took my boxers off and did the same before putting my dry clothes on, going commando. She did the same and let out a sigh taking a step back and grabbing her phone again.

I watched her type something and finally looked up at me with a shrug.

"I messaged Louis, Lewis, Daxia and even Noah. Someone will see this and come help us. I mean, hopefully." she shrugged before the room became dark again.

We ended up sitting down on the floor in silence. I leaned my back on the wall and brought my knees up as I felt her hands on my legs. She moved between them and leaned her back against my chest, making me smile immediately. I moved my face down, feeling her hair tickle my nose and chin and left a few gentle kisses on her neck. Her skin was soft against my lips and I even felt goosebumps appear on it.

"You know we could be stuck here for a while." she added with a chuckle. "I mean, I'm getting used to it now. I don't know if it's a curse or something."

"Seems more like good luck to me." I argued, my lips curling on the left. "There's not one time we were stuck somewhere that was bad."

She leaned her head against me. "Mm, you're right." We both started laughing together and I felt her shake her head as it rubbed against my chest. "Lewis and Louis are gonna tease us with this for years."

"Oh god, I know. Especially if they're the ones saving us." I agreed, chuckling again. "It'll be so bad."

I felt her hands caress my thighs very slowly, moving up to my knees and then back down. Her touch felt so good it made my heart twist in my chest and I closed my eyes, trying to focus on every little movements of her hands and fingers. It made a shiver run up my spine and I held my breath.

"How's your claustrophobia?" she asked in a whisper, making me shrug a shoulder.

"Tolerable for now."

It was true. In fact, I felt extremely relaxed and I was not sure why. Perhaps it was a mix of my post orgasm feeling and the high I felt for hearing her say she loved me, and it made me want to hear it again. It was still hard to believe and somehow, I was scared she'd take her words back, or that something would just blow up in my face.

"Do you love me?" I breathed near her ear, making her chuckle low.

"I answered that earlier."

"Say it."

It took a few minutes but her voice came like a melody to my ears with just the right notes to make my heart flutter.

"I love you, Niall Horan."

[gainingexjock]

THE EX JOCK

Harry had been a great athlete in high school, the typical jock type. He did football, wrestling, basketball and occasionally a bit of soccer. He always had a love for food but his activities meant he still had a trim and athletic physic. As he began his final year in high school he found exam stress and work meant he had to stop doing so much sport, in fact he decided to stop altogether until his exams were out of the way. But he hadn’t altered his diet to match his new found laziness, and so the weight began to pile on

Harry came home after school in September after a long day and revision after school, the first thing he did was head to the fridge and cupboards . He grabbed some coke, a bag of share Doritos, two chocolate bars and a bad of haribos. He ran upstairs quick and closed the sort to his room, he removed his clothes until he was just in his boxers and sat in his gaming chair snacking away while playing Xbox with some friends. Half a hour passed and he had finished all the food so headed downstairs to grab some more, as he was rumadging through the fridge his mum came through the door. “Hey bby sweetie, what are you doing?”

“Just grabbing some snacks mum”

“Well don’t eat too much cause I am making lasagne for tea”

Harry nodded and headed back upstairs to finish his snacks, 1 hour passed and he could hear his mum call from downstairs that dinner was ready. He chucked on some joggers and made his way downstairs his belly having a slight jiggle to it, his mum was a good cook but didn’t eat a lot herself. Instead she made a nice big lasagne for Harry with garlic bread and pizza on the side, while she had a salad. Harry finished the whole dish as well as the rest of the food. He sat back in his chair to let his belly hang out, it was firm and stuffed to the brim with food.

“Oh darling, I am glad you have a good appetite”

“Me too mum *burrppp, oh sorry pardon me”

“Why don’t u go sit down and I will bring you some dessert”

Harry took his plate to the dishwasher and went to sit in the couch, he found it discomforting to find a comfy position. He was too full and his belly to firm, his mum came over with some chocolate cake and ice cream.

“Here u go sweetpea”

“Thanks mum but I think I am too full to eat anymore”

“How about I rub your tummy while you have it hmm I don’t want to see you go hungry”

Harry obliged knowing he did want that cake, so he sat there scoffing his face while he felt his mums warm hands massage his stomach. The peace didn’t last long as his mum had something she needed to say

“Hun, I didn’t want to say anything and I have fed u up tonight so u didn’t feel bad but I think stopping your sports was a bad idea, you have gained a lot of weight scince”

“I know mum but tbh I am too busy for sports and plus it’s kind of nice not having to do it anymore”

“But you were so good at it, I don’t mind you gaining weight in fact you were maybe too skinny but I don’t want u to fell unhappy in your body”

“I don’t mum, in fact the size is nice. I feel more comfortable and we haven’t had nice moments like this for years while I did sports”

“Yes I guess you are right, it’s nice to spend more time with you”

“I want to tell you something, I actually want to get bigger and I hope you will help me do that mum”

“Ofc I will Harry, if that’s what u want sugarplum”

Harry was quite surprised his mum had agreed so easily, but he knew she was a feeder, she always had made big meals for everyone that came round and he knew she wouldn’t deny him what he wanted.

-January-

All the parents stared as an obese Harry came waddling out the school doors. The last few months had been endless food and laziness for Harry, his mum had definitely pulled through and was helping him gain weight. When he told his mum about his want to gain he was about 230 pounds but now he was edging 350. It wasn’t long till all the parent and kids saw Harry’s mum pull up in her big suv, she got out and helped Harry into the back giving him some snacks to eat on the way home. They where driving the way home and Harry noticed they had pulled into a drive thru, his mum ordered and passed the three bags into the back

“Here u go darling, u look stressed so here is some food to make u feel better”

Harry gobbles it all up before they got home, his belly popping out from under his small t shirt every time they went over a pothole or speedbump. They pulled up onto the drive but there was another car there, to Harry’s surprise his dad get out. Harry’s dad left home four years ago and was again a typical high school jock kinda guy, Harry hadn’t seen him for just over a year

Harry’s mum helped him out the car, his dads face turned to a look of anger and surprise

“Wth happened to you Harry !!”

“Don’t shout at him please james”

“Last time I saw you, you were a successful sports player and now look at you, a huge butterball who probably can’t run across the playing field ! You are a disgace”

Harry could feel his tears beginning to form in his eyes, he ran as fast as his fat legs could carry him to his room where he stripped down and lay on his bed. He could hear his mum shouting and then his dad slamming the car door and driving away

There was a knock at the bedroom door and his mum came in, he was completely naked but his new belly hid his private parts so he wasn’t too fussed. His mum sat down on the bed next to him and passed him a Swiss role she had brought from the store.

“I’m sorry hun, you know I love you and I think you still look as good as ever”

Harry felt better feeling the support from his mum and embraced her with a big hug. The months that passed were great, he continued school but as soon as he got home his mum would feed him whatever he wanted and he got bigger and bigger every day. He started getting comments at school from his older jock friends but he was soon gonna be leaving so he didn’t care too much. That day when he got home from school, he saw a furniture moval van pulled up on his neighbours driveway, he knew their house had been up for sale but had no idea it had sold. He went inside to see his mum had just finished baking a nice big chocolate cake, he dropped his bag on the floor and headed over to lick the icing

“ no Harry, this isn’t for you. It’s a moving in present for the couple next door. We are taking it over in a bit, I hear they have a son about your age maybe you two could become friends hmm”

Harry was annoyed at being denied the cake so just nodded, grabbed some Doritos from the cupboard and headed upstairs. He didn’t particularly want to meet this new kid as he would probably take the mick out of Harry and his ballooning size which was now over 400. So he was anxious to hear his mum shout from downstairs that it was time to go welcome them

Harry quickly chucked some joggers and a white tee on and headed downstairs, him and his mum walked round to the neighbours house which looked a lot less chaotic than earlier. Harry was puffing from the walk over and was really not liking the idea of meeting this kid. His mum knocked on the door and after a few seconds it was opened my a big man, with a large beard and a even larger stomach. Harry guessed he must have been around 300 pounds, he was quickly joined by a smaller more petite lady with brown hair.

“Hi, sorry to disturb you cause I know you must be busy unpacking. But we live next door and wanted to bring this cake as a welcome gift. This is my son harry”

“Well that’s very kind of you, it looks delicious” the man said

“Sorry my husband is forgetting his manors, I am Julie and this is my husband Charles, our son Sam is around. Why don’t you come in and I shall grab him”

Harry and his mum came in and sat on the couch by the kitchen, as Harry sat down his shirt rode up leaving the softest part of his belly exposed. He quickly tugged it down hoping no one saw. In the hall he could see Julie come down the stairs, and following her at a much slower pace came Sam. Well Sam’s belly, Harry couldn’t quite see his face yet. Harry was in awe , sam must have been around the same size as him but with blonde curly hair and a huge double chin. He was wearing shorts that let his big wobbly thighs loose and a black tee that stood no chance of slimming the big belly down. He smiled and sat down next to his parents

“ so how long have you and Harry lived here?” Julie asked

“About 7 years now, Harry goes to the local school which I presume sam will be joining ?”

“Oh no, same finished his exams before we moved so idk what he is gonna do yet, perhaps get a job somewhere local. In fact sam why don’t you take Harry to your room you two can get to know each other better”

Sam agreed and signalled Harry to follow him, it took a couple of tries for both of the boys to get off the couch. Harry couldn’t help but look at Sam’s big jiggly ass as they walked up the stairs, it really was very plump

“Here is my room, it’s nicer than my last one a lot bigger”

“It’s really nice” Harry replied

“Take a seat”

The two boys sat on the bean bags sam had in his room, Harry knew it was a bad idea as it would be hard for him to get back up again after.

“Do u wanna play some Xbox” Sam asked

“Yeah defo”

“Let me just grab some snacks, why don’t u put a game in”

Sam soon came back up with two big bowls of crisps, chocolate and some coke for them both. They spent a good hour eating and playing some video games, Harry reached back into the bowl to grab some crisps to find it was empty

“Oh sorry mate, I have quite a big appetite I shall grab some more” Sam said as he patted his belly

He tried to get up, getting a bit flustered in the process. He pushed himself up with his left arm trying to get onto his feet, but his weight betrayed him and he came crashing to the floor again with a huge thud, spilling his coke all over his t shirt in the process

“You okay mate?” Harry said while quickly supporting sam back onto the bean bag

“Yeh thank you, I dunno why I couldn’t get up”

Harry could see sam was getting upset

“Don’t worry, listen I probs will struggle to get out this seat as well. U ain’t the only one with a big belly in the way haha”

Sam smiled a little

“Haha thanks, yeh I guess we are both big boys. I need to change my top though”

Sam slowly made his way over to the dresser, deciding to just shuffle over as he couldnt quite get the energy to push himself off the bean bag

He opened the drawer and grabbed a t shirt

“Sorry this too is a bit small but I haven’t unpacked the rest of my clothes yet”

“Don’t worry mate”

Same heaved himself up and slowly removed the soaking t shirt exposing his stretch marked belly to Harry. Harry didn’t quite know why he was so attracted to Sam, perhaps it was because they were so similar in size or maybe Harry had never seen such a big boy before apart from himself. Sam had a beautiful body, a big belly that hanged over the waistline of his shorts and moobs that dropped either side, he slid the new top over his large belly but it didn’t quite cover it

“I figured as we are both big it didn’t matter if I took my top off in front of u haha”

“It’s fine”

Sam came over and lowered himself again

“Listen, I wanna speak big guy to big guy. What’s it like for you? I have been big for a long time and I can’t really remeber a time I wasn’t overweight. I hope you don’t think me rude but you are a big guy and honestly man you look great” Sam said

“ well tbh sam I love it, I have really plumped up this year after stopping football and all my other sports. Mate you look great as well, I don’t really know what to say but the belly suits you”

“Thanks man, shall we get some more food, I bet my parents won’t mind if we order pizza”

“Sure let’s do it”

The boys pigged out massively that evening, not moving from the bean bags on Sam’s bedroom floor, in fact Harry stayed there that night as they where both too full to even try and get up. They both slept there in their briefs with their belly on show.

The boys became good friends over the next few months, Sam had gained a lot as he didn’t get the job his parents were hoping he would. So he lived a life of laziness and eating. Harry had just finished his exams and began his holidays, his mum fed him well when she got home from work and during the day he did the same as Sam

One day Harry was laying on his bed now weighing a colossal 500 pounds, he was watching netlix in his briefs while stuffing his favourite, a chocolate Swiss role. Suddenly Sam came bursting through the bedroom door

“Oh shit sorry man, your mum said to come up I had no idea”

Harry quickly tried to adjust himself but he hadn’t moved for a good few days and was weighed down by his belly

“It’s okay mate”

“I just , ugh he grunted” he began to sweat and his breath quickened

“ I can’t get up”

Sam came over

“Oh shit mate, let me help you”

Harry pushed and pushed while sam pulled and eventually he was now sat up right, his huge belly hanging between his legs. Sam sat next to him making the bed creak so much they thought it would break.

“Thanks man” Harry panted

“ no worries dude I mean you have seen me in this situation before haha”

“I am such a disgrace, you must think me such a slob”

“No Ofc not, I do the exact same thing when I am home. In fact let me be a slob too”

Sam stood up and began to remove his tight joggers and top that barley covered his belly anyway, Harry couldn’t believe the sight, Sam looked amazing so huge and obese. His briefs cutting into his huge thighs. He came and sat next to him, their bellies pushing together as they where both now released from the constraints of clothing.

“See we are the same” Sam said

“Listen mate, I don’t want you to think me disgusting but you look amazing and honestly I just wanna fuck that big ass of yours right now”

“I thought u would never ask”Sam said

Harry turned laying down next to Sam, they pushed their bellies together each helping the other to remove their tight briefs from their body.

It was amazing, they laid there next to each other after having the best sex in their life, both panting and tired from the exercise. The door opened, Harry’s mum had never looked so shocked in her life !

“Boys what, what are you doing?!”

“Mum, me and Sam we love each other and we want to grow big and old together. We want to grow fat together”

His mum called round Sam’s parents and they explained it all. They all agreed, both parents already knew their boys love for food it was just now they would be doing it together. The boys where brought food by their parents as they lay in bed together and grew in size.

Years later the bed was reinforced with steel to take the weight of the two boys, growing fatter by the day. Harry a colossal 900 pounds and sam a huge 850, they where both now 23 and had been living their dream life. They planned to keep on growing with the help of their parents

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

BBC Merlin 4x05: His Father’s Son

Here's a round-up of my main observations from BBC Merlin's "His Father's Son" (4x05).

1- MERLIN AS A KNIGHT 

I have to admit that Merlin as a sorcerer and trusted adviser appeals to me the most, but I did write a lengthy post analysing how Arthur had turned Merlin into an excellent fighter. This refutes claims that Merlin gave more to Arthur than he received in return. 

At the beginning of 4x05, we see Merlin selected to play a new role: that of knight. How did this come about? Arthur Pendragon is best known for his skills as a warrior, but he deserves more credit for his military tactics. These destroy the popular yet false idea that he is unintelligent. More on the latter in a forthcoming post.  

One of Arthur’s favourite tactics is using decoys. Previous examples of him using decoys include: The Castle of Fyrien (3x07), when Arthur used Merlin as a decoy to entrap Cenred’s soldiers; Aithusa (4x04), when Arthur used himself as a decoy to get Sir Percival to safety; Arthur’s Bane Part 2 (5x02), when Arthur uses Merlin as a decoy to enrage the slave traders before they escape-- by far my favourite example. 

All things considered, I don’t think it takes long for Arthur to choose Merlin. Furthermore, this decision may have taken place before they reached their selected location, as Agravaine later mentions a previous attack by Caerleon on the border. This choice demonstrates that Arthur has higher confidence in Merlin's abilities than he does of in his knights-- else he would have chosen them. We must conclude that Merlin is Arthur's best fighter, though at first glance, we wonder why an unarmed man follows trained knights into battle. 

Merlin is sharp, fast, has high stamina, and is incredibly resourceful. Most of all, however, he is incredibly brave. In fact, when rewatching 1x02, I was surprised to see Arthur acknowledge that Merlin was "braver than you look." This despite Arthur’s frustration that Merlin did not try hard enough during practice ("Come on, Merlin: I've got a tournament to win!"). 

What’s more, in that same episode, Merlin complains about his first day, but later on, we see his fascination wth the ongoing tournament. Then he admitted to Gaius that working for Arthur (in the context of said tournament) "isn't totally horrible all the time." It took one day for him to change his opinion! 

Sure, Merlin would continue to treat the fighting as pointless violence, and Arthur as having nothing more in his head than a desire to knock "the seven bells" out of other people (3x04). However, even in 1x02, when he applauds Arthur's fighting, his actions tell a different story. We associate this habit of liking something whilst pretending otherwise to Arthur, yet Merlin has it as well. 

As I have said before, Merlin and Arthur have profound differences, yet are profoundly alike. 

2- MERLIN AS A SERVANT 

It comes as no surprise that Merlin would return to serving after the beginning of 4x05. However, what that change represents sets the tone for this entire episode: Arthur dismissing Merlin's counsel repeatedly in favour of listening to his uncle. 

When Arthur says, "so please, stick to what you do know," you have to wonder whether Merlin remembered being entrusted with the role of knight. Now, Arthur puts him back in his place. 

Here's another example: "My conscience is clean, which is more than I can say for my room, so just... do your job, will you?" Yet just yesterday, that job involved Merlin risking his life against enemy forces by dressing as a knight. 

By the way, you can tell that Arthur doesn’t believe his own excuses, because he keeps using the passive voice to justify killing Caerleon: “...a show of strength was necessary… an example had to be made… My conscience is clean…” 

Merlin’s face after Arthur claims he doesn’t need anyone is self-explanatory. 

3- NEW THOUGHTS ON ANNIS

Is Queen Annis a good person? Actually, no. 

First of all, she knows and approves of her husband invading foreign kingdoms to plunder their wealth. Such invasions naturally cost not only the lives of Arthur's men, but her own, too. 

Furthermore, despite accepting Arthur's offer of a fight by single combat, she is prepared to cheat by enlisting Morgana's power. Perhaps if Arthur had died, too, she would have felt some remorse. Yet she still takes a monumental risk with Arthur's life in blatant violation of the knight's code. One has to wonder about her reaction had Camelot plotted against her armies in the same way. 

Then we have Annis calmly ordering Merlin’s execution without giving him a chance to explain himself. The lack of emotion in her voice suggests she has done this before. 

Speaking of cruelty, Annis’ champion seems to enjoy inflicting pain on his enemies, yet the Queen claims that he “served my husband well.” I dread to think what she means by “served”. 

I will also note that Queen Annis disdains magic, referring to Morgana as “witch”. As I have said before, Uther did not begin prejudice against magic; sorcerers were disliked and feared elsewhere, too, including by those who disliked Uther. Many sorcerers caused this prejudice by engaging in manipulative, violent, and wicked deeds. 

Examples include High Priestesses using Fomorrohs to enslave people’s minds (4x06); Cornelius Sigan using his power to change day into night and acquire vast wealth (2x01); sorcerers using special blades to murder people (3x04), and so on.

None of this takes away from Annis’ complexity, nor does it undermine her immense humility when she accepts defeat and withdraws from Camelot. After all, much of Annis' rage and desire for vengeance stems from intense grief over Caerleon's death, so we can assume her marriage was a happy one. 

Forgiving the man who destroyed her domestic happiness (as well as leaving her people without a king) shows tremendous nobility on Annis’ part. I think Arthur sees that, for he is always humble and respectful before her. 

4- LONG LIVE THE KING 

Few people respect Arthur more than Merlin. So when he doesn’t join in with cries of “Long live the king!”, you know something is wrong. 

5- CONTROL YOUR FEAR 

Episode 4x03 has a hilarious scene where a drunk Arthur claims he isn’t even a little bit scared, because, “I’m a warrior. You learn to control your fear.” Then Arthur walks smack bang into a pillar. Never fails to make me laugh. Minus the drunkenness, Arthur was telling the truth about controlling his fear.

You can see this at least twice in this episode: first, when he sees how many men Annis has brought against Camelot, and secondly, when he sees the size of Annis’ giant. In both cases, Arthur harnesses his fear into determination, which is another sign of a great warrior. 

Next up, we have a fascinating scene where Arthur watches his men joking by the fire. It's a great way of showing Arthur’s care for these men, as well as his guilt that impending war will end their lives. In a sense, Arthur has to control his fear yet again. 

6- TRUST IN MERLIN 

After the above scene, Gwaine asks Merlin if Arthur is all right, and the fact that Merlin can describe Arthur's feelings without even questioning the King once again shows the unique nature of their friendship. Merlin sees Arthur's expression, and he just knows. And Gwaine knows that, hence why he does not question the King himself. 

Listen to the silence after Merlin's response. Nobody questions Merlin's judgement: they just reflect. Given the way Arthur has repeatedly dismissed Merlin's advance in favour of his uncle, I think he could have learned something from his own knights. 

I wonder whether the knights would ask Merlin something about Arthur in this way, whenever the king was absent. In ancient kingdoms, kings had advisers, and in order to earn the monarch's favour, you spoke to the latter first. Did Merlin ever play that role for the knights?

7- MERLIN’S IDIOCY 

Now, I have a problem with Merlin telling Arthur that 1)- he would have taken any other option but to face war with Annis, and 2)- his decision to kill Caerleon “was made in the best interests of Camelot.” 

Sorry, but it wasn’t. Merlin knows that. I understand that he has to rally Arthur’s spirits so that they can win against Annis, but I am glad that Arthur knows full well he has done wrong. Both Merlin and many fans do not give Arthur enough credit for recognising his own errors. 

However, even these foolishly optimistic statements pale in comparison to Merlin's reckless and self-righteous interference when Arthur negotiates with Queen Annis. I burst out laughing when he trips and falls headlong into the tent, a metaphor for his impetuousness.  

Merlin eavesdrops outside Annis’ tent, gets caught (so he didn't conceal himself), and then has the audacity to say, “Sorry about this!” to Arthur! Not only that, he got angry over being called a “simple-minded fool”, when he couldn’t even walk in a straight line to follow the king, got himself caught and almost killed by enemy soldiers, and made Arthur look as though he were double-crossing Annis! 

I completely agree with Arthur’s anger: “Oh, I was being kind, believe me: you almost got me killed in there!” Correct. Merlin simply could not trust that Arthur knew what he was doing, and decided to interfere. Instead of apologising for getting Arthur into trouble, Merlin remains on the defensive, claiming without evidence that Arthur was “doing a pretty good job of that yourself!” 

This is untrue. Arthur surrendered himself to Annis’ men. The most injury he received was a slap. He asked a favour. That isn’t risking your life. In fact, Arthur was trying to save lives, and if Merlin had been listening properly (or just stayed in bed), he would have seen that. Only after Merlin’s sudden entrance did Arthur face serious danger from Annis. 

Now, Merlin’s explanation for this is, “I’m your friend! I was looking out for you.” I don’t doubt it. But once again, Arthur is right: “I appreciate that in your very confused way, you’re only trying to help, but please: don’t do it again.”

Condescending? Of course. But this time it was Merlin who provoked him into this anger. 

8- MORGANA 

Despite all her power, Morgana still has to defer to non-magical kings and queens. After all, she requires their military assistance to take over Camelot. 

You can also see how Queen Annis detects Morgana’s hatred, greed, self-righteousness, hypocrisy, and bloodlust. In one glance, Queen Annis begins questioning the wisdom of working with a sorceress she does not trust, not least on account of Morgana being a sorceress. 

In fact, Arthur’s prowess as a warrior impresses her more: “You have as much to lose as I if Arthur wins…” Fascinating scene. 

9- THANK YOU, OLD FRIEND 

It’s ironic that arguably the best scene in 4x05 begins by showcasing Arthur’s cynicism. No guesses why Arthur did not tell Merlin about breaking off his relationship with Gwen earlier. That speaks volumes. If he had told Merlin, I think they would have had an argument similar to that of 4x11. 

Only when Arthur realises that he may die does he ask Merlin to pass his ring onto Gwen with an apology. You can see the guilt etched onto his face as he refuses to make eye contact. Interestingly, Merlin does not ask any further questions. 

Arthur’s entrusting Merlin to look after Gwen in the event of his death says a lot. For example, that ring is technically royal property, yet Arthur gives it to a servant for safe-keeping, rather than his next-of-kin, Agravaine. Despite claiming to need his uncle’s advice, Arthur will not trust Agravaine with such duties. Has Arthur made a medieval will or testament? Obviously, I have no idea, however, this episode already shows Arthur’s reliance on Merlin to deal with family matters. 

Another interesting aspect to this scene is Merlin’s silence after Arthur makes an indisputable point. This dispels any idea that Merlin’s advice was always correct. On several occasions, Merlin had to defer to Arthur’s judgement, because he saw the truth and wisdom behind it. “I don’t know what will happen. But for the first time since I became king, I know in my heart I’ve made the right decision.”

Got to love Arthur’s half-amused, “You’re not about to start crying on me, are you?” He expects Merlin to be either in good spirits or confident, because that is how he, too, remains confident. Arthur is an optimist, yet Merlin becomes a pessimist, so the king must pull Merlin together with light and yet serious teasing. 

Needless to say, Arthur calling Merlin “old friend” implies that they have been friends for a long time. So why do some fans still think that Arthur had trouble admitting that Merlin was his friend? Also, the word “old” in this context can imply reliability, constancy. Arthur chose that word to describe Merlin’s value, as well as the length of their friendship. 

The great thing about Arthur is that while he makes some serious errors, when he does repent, he does so well. Not only does Arthur graciously thank Merlin for his concern, but he makes it clear to Agravaine that he relies on Merlin’s judgement prior to entering battle. This supports my earlier statement that Merlin is Arthur’s best fighter, as well as right-hand man; Arthur does not leave for the fight until Merlin has confirmed his readiness. 

On top of this, Arthur later admits that he might be a cabbage head. “I should have listened to you, Merlin. Just this once, I think you were right-- even if you are the worst servant in the five kingdoms!” 

By implication, Agravaine is wrong. Arthur won’t say that, of course, but we saw Merlin’s sound advice competing with Agravaine’s lies for this entire episode. We can only conclude that regardless of what he says, Arthur trusts Merlin more than members of his own family. 

And this is a theme which will continue and grow for the remainder of Season 4. 

FURTHER POINTS:

Merlin’s fighting skills

Paradoxes of Arthur and Merlin’s friendship

[kari-a-la-tari]

The (Unneccessary) Lore of the WG Spanish Dubs

Aka me being like this meme for an entire post

OKAY so a couple of weeks ago I had just learned that there existed a Spanish version of Wordgirl called “La Chica Supersabia” which is honestly super cool cause who doesn’t wanna hear their show in a different language?

But alas, this ended up taking me into a much deeper rabbit hole than I was expecting and it’s honestly pretty interesting so I thought I’d share it with y’all!

DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert by any means nor do I intend to come off as one, this is simply an elaborate essay of what I’ve found through my informal research. I will also be translating anything in Spanish to the best of my extent, so I apologize if I mess up a bit with the wording since it’s not my native language.

So then *places a baseball cap with glued lightbulb on my head* let’s get started shall we?

Okay so first things first, there are a couple of select episodes of La Chica Supersabia (I’ll use LCS from here on) available on the internet. The most reliable source that I’ve found is on an old Facebook account here where a fan would upload LCS episodes based on when they aired. However, the only episodes available are a select few from season one.

Now this got my mind thinking “Hey, what if there’s more episodes?” So naturally, I started scoundering on Google (like the rat I am) to see if there was indeed more. And according to this one site there are only two seasons of LCS that were dubbed.

Translation: In Latin America, the first season premiered on Discovery Kids August 3, 2009, while the second season premiered on the same channel January 11, 2010, being the only two seasons issued. (Source)

However, later on I discovered that there was some mislead in that info because someone else found a Spanish episode that was from season 3, which doesn’t make sense because why would there be another season available when it clearly says that they technically shouldn’t exist? (Btw I tried finding it myself cause I did see that episode before but for some reason now I can’t find it dhdvvdbdvd 😭)

At first I thought maybe this is just some info added from a fan. After all, that statement was posted on a Spanish Wikipedia page so it is possible. So I began looking for other articles that talked about the Spanish dubs, but they all said the same thing. Well, until I came up with this site that said two very intriguing things:

Translation: The series actually had 3 seasons and is dubbed in Caracas, Venezuela. On May 2012 the series stopped running on daytime hours and was removed from the programming one year later, on June 17, 2012. It is unknowns if it will be aired by another channel or come back to the Discovery Kids programming, besides only the two first seasons were dubbed in Spanish. (Source)

I was a little bit confused here with the wording because it still didn’t confirm my original questions; if anything it left me with more. But then I read the next section below which got me completely off track.

Translation: The series received negative critics and complains on behalf of parents of families in Latin America that claimed that it wasn’t appropriate for the objective public of Discovery Kids. Without doubt in the U.S. the series had been well received and even won an Emmy award for Jack D. Ferraiola, writer and coproductor of the series together with the creator of the same show, Dorothea Gillim, who declared the following in respective to the series: (Source)

Now this one took me by a whirlwind: WTH why was this version hated by people in Latin America while it’s adored by everyone in the U.S.?? And I watched some episodes of LCS and while the dubbing is pretty funny (lol) there wasn’t anything inappropriate about it. For the most part they stuck on script with the original episode they had to dub.

So I dove even deeper...

And o h m y g o d there is an answer to this.

Translation: The program premiered in Latin America on August 2009 on the Discover Kids channel, aiming at pre schoolers. Although the channel gave a lot of promotion for the show during the final months of 2009 and the majority of 2010, at the end of the year they decided to change the programming to nighttime hours because the show received a lot of critics from parents saying that the show was too “violent” and that it encouraged kids to lie to their parents (due to the obvious fact that Becky had to give an excuse everytime she had to leave to turn into WordGirl and save the day), and they complained constantly on the message boards now deleted of the channel. The program was eliminated completely on June 2012, without doubt, PBS maintained the Spanish dubs so that they would use for SAP (Second Audio Program) in the U.S. in a different studio (Dubbing House in Mexico and later Lorry Post in Miami, FL), but the program no longer returned to Discovery Kids until August 2014. (Source)

And DUDE no y’all this was just a complete hilarious yet ridiculous slap to the face. I mean..what the, why was that the reasoning as to why it was hated so much? Just cause of some literal PG kid friendly cartoon violence? And what do parents mean when they say it teaches them to lie to their parents?? I mean with all due respect, who was Discovery Kids target audience they had in mind vs. what it actually was? Because if there actual audience was very very young kids, they okay sure I can understand the need to point fingers at them in that sense. But if it was for slightly older kids (8-10 years old), then I think that parents can probably show kids at that age the reasoning behind why Becky lied in the show (not to mention that most kids at that age can understand what’s going on for the most part).

“Now is this actually true?” some of you may ask, which is understandable since this is coming from a wiki page. Well, I think it’s about time I put another disclaimer: sadly for the most part, the majority of these sources that I’ve attached have broken links when it comes to their references. And the ones that aren’t broken don’t mention anything about the topics that have been discussed here. But there are some smaller sources I’ve found here (look at the last three comments) and here that do indeed confirm that the show was canceled due to the force of parents.

However, the current grey area I’m in still is on the Spanish dubbing listing. See, I originally thought that there were three different dubbings according to this one post below (M&M Studios, Dubbing House and Lorry Post). I even thought I cracked it since according to this chart below the rest of the seasons were under the Dubbing House studios! However, it turns out that one of the studios Lorry Post doesn’t actually exist. Like nothing related to dubbing came up at all when I searched it up.

Translation: Dubbing Studio 1 - M&M Studios (Seasons 1-2). Dubbing Studio 2 - Dubbing House (Seasons 3-8). Dubbing Studio 3 - Lorry Post (Season 8 - final episodes). (Source)

And then that’s when I took a harder look at this website and realized that it’s part of a Spanish Wiki page called “Propuestas de Fans de Doblaje” (Fan Proposals for Dubs). *insert facepalm emoji* And just...I honestly feel so dumb that I didn’t notice that detail when I did my initial research cause that would’ve saved me a lot of time 😤. Anywho so that explains the Lorry Post mystery, but then lies the other question: do the other dubs exist?

Well, this is where I draw the line. See, on that same wikipage, it mentions that LCS had completely different voice actors for each of the dubbings. The first dub (M&M) is from Venezuela and after looking at the VA’s, they can be traced back to LCS. But after looking at the VA’s for the second dub (Dubbing House) in Mexico, there is nothing related to them and LCS or WG. Not even on movie databases.

“Now are you gonna give up on this idea?” you may ask. And the answer is......

No.

Why? Well, it’s mainly because there is a compellingly set of evidence that proves that the first two dubs do actually exist, which is...

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THIS VIDEO, which shows that there were not one, but two variations of the LCS Spanish theme song. The first one is the Spanish version, and the second one that plays is the Venezuela version. And if you can remember, there were 2 dubbings of LCS; one located in Mexico (Dubbing House) and another In Venezuela (M&M Studios)!

Anywhosole, that is where I conclude this elaborate essay of mine. There are still a couple of loose strings here and there that I wanna check out myself but I’ve already tired myself out with this essay. I hoped you liked seeing me lose my mind speculate on the LCS episodes! This was honestly pretty fun ngl, maybe I’ll try doing this again in the future if something else interesting pops up! If you have anything you wanna add or maybe point out something that I may have forgotten, please by all means bring it up!

[yamagucji]

a series of thank you’s i’ve been meaning to give for a while now. please note i couldn’t get everyone bc im smol brained and im forgetful :(( also its vedy long so i added a readmore link but if it’s okay then i can remove it!

i would’ve preferred to go to your inboxes/dm’s but im scared t🤢umblrs going to glitch on me if i do it again a ha ha

@doublemoons

i remember you sent in my first ever request and i was SO happy like🥺 my account had no visibility on week 1 but then you somehow found my blog and since then you’ve been supporting me. i love the aesthetic of your blog and i always look forward to your rb’s because they so cute and insightful !! ik we haven’t talked much but i definitely perceive u as a gentle person here’s 1k hearts for you and you only <3

@insanityqueen

please i was *intense squealing* and *happy noises* when you said you wanted to be mutuals :’) im definitely uhhh way too immature for u but you still stick with all the caps and !!! i send you😭 you’re such an interesting, talented person. day 1 you got me HOOKED with your art and im gonna say this again,, i have never seen skin look soo s o f t painted. im really grateful for your company and all your cats and the hinata art you made me🥺 i am not still thirsting over it i swear and then you sent me pieces of your writing and i def expected hc’s but then BOOM🧍‍♀️ im so amazed by your writing. also you are vv pretty i hope you know that

@zephyrria

matching heart memes matching heart memes😾 i don’t talk to you as much but our main form of communication is literally exchanging heart memes w/o a word,,, if that isn’t true love idk what is :// anyway i love our little convos so much it always brightens my day! and omg lets not forget when you made me a drabble back😳 like wha- HUH !! i was so touched i rlly went boom boom woosh bc no ones ever written me one back and i!! that yamaguchi gives me so much comfort. you give me sm comfort, thank you bub <3

@beanst0ck

hehe my first tumblr crush😼 as soon as i deactivated my reading account to my a writing blog i was like “ok bean is on my top to-follow list” like i thought you were so cool and i was vv shy to interact with you🥺 and YOU STILL ARE COOL!! your works are really amazing and i am vv much still in love w my matchup w suga :’)

@killuababie

HHHH GRR BORK BORK I LUB U B NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BHH💓✨ bro,,,, when we switched over to insta it was WILD like— our sense of humor? matched. immaculate. please i love seeing all the memes u send me it makes my day so much like u don’t understand😭 and our convos really go chaos sometimes gkfjdj i love it. u need to pull up and play among us w me sometime 😡

@bewwybun

m-my first spouse🥺 even tho it was a joke the first time and i said sike fkdjdjdj but you still accepted my dino chimken nuggie ring hehe <3 bub your are literally the CUTEST HHHHH LIKE,,, cuteness overload !!! i love talking to you sm and our little exchange of heart memes make the butterflies in my tummy go ✨

@mei-writes

may🥺 imy bub i hope you’re doing well and taking good care of yourself. still very grateful for that time you pulled through to check which of my links weren’t working. and there’s a LOT. like the fact that you took time out of your day for me still baffles me. anyway im lomve you ik we don’t talk as much but you’re still a valued moot to me. im offering u free headpats hehe

@kozsma

hi maria👉👈 you’re so wonderful and rlly amazing w your smaus. absolutely smitten over our chaotic conversations fkfjd we haven’t talked in a while but if you see this just know that i’m here for you <3 take some self care okay? hope you’re doing good bub

@tsukkeisimp

dalia, you wondering being💞 please what did i do to deserve your love >;( we don’t talk much but we have exchanged heart memes before and you’re always out here supporting me whenever you can and like!! tysm bub. i hope you’re feeling better from the last time we interacted, and please do take good care of yourself!

@satorispup

can’t believe you made a reputation of having a piss kink. what power. what energy >>> anyway it’s fun seeing your chaotic energy on my feed/tl. sometimes i won’t even look at the user and say yeah💔 that’s hero alright gkfjdj also you’re so cute what the heck😡😡

@tobiokvgs

[ insert 100 hearts ] this for u bub. im still going crazy over your tsukki lipbalm piece like i was so FLUSTERED you really did that huh😭 you’re so nice and sweet, ty for giving me headbonks as well im really glad to get them😌 hope you have an amazing day bub, and take care!!

@bunnyuuji

cutecutecutest bean ever🥺 you have such wonderful works and im truly in love with your writing😌 also you’re so SWEET WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE U GKFJDJ literally you weren’t obligated to stop by my ask and check in but u did >:(

@yanderepunkin

hehe ik we haven’t interacted in such a long time but im including you!! bc i appreciate you!! i know you’ve supported me a lot especially when i just started this blog and im really thankful for it. also uhhh im still not over accidentally turning off anon when i was- yeah😿 i wish you all the love in the world, and please do take gentle care of yourself 💓

@ahkaahshi

frannn👁👁🤲 yes im gonna start with how big brained you are. your passion for textiles and improving the environment is vv cool to me. and then there’s the fact you write these hq characters so well. yes i am absolutely still living for your character analysis. i am thriving off of them!! here’s me manifesting kita and/or sakusa to show up in your dreams hehe

@sachirou-senpai

i hope you dont mind me sending u stuff every now and then! anyway im in awe of your writing and art skills. you brought a realistic yamaguchi and i ascended😳 i genuinely think you’re such a cool person but also please take breaks!! ik it’s such an overused phrase but i genuinely mean it. i care u <3

@kenmakodzu

you’re so sweet and you do really be sending me back some heart memes😳 i go BOOM BOOM yaya that’s more to my collection;) also you and your hq anon interactions go WILD omg it really does make my day more interesting whenever i see them😂 also i do be seeing some of ur chaotic energy on my dash and i am HERE for it

@tsukkisbean

hemlo clara🥺 d-do you remember me gkdjshsjs i think its been a while since we interacted. you’re so sweet and AHH lmao did u know we were in a poly with wiss😔💔 yeah❤️ n e way i hope you’ve been alright these past few weeks, and if not, please get some break!

@atsunflower

miya twin supremacy😡 can’t believe you made me swerve over to osamu’s lane because of your amazing writing. how could you. the mf audacity. i rlly do fell in love with that piece do so THAMK U and that also goes for the support you’ve given me💗

@lespaghetti

ozzy👁👁🤝 ngl our conversations have been top tier im glad i got to uhmm,,, get some of these *thoughts* out of my head. you’re such a sweet little bean!!! that art/sketch you did with the purple (?) themed uniforms was really cute. im glad to have u as my moot and *cough* my vip reader *cough*

@sleepykarabou

our heart meme streak was strong until school happened😔 but i really enjoy them tho!! it’s very calming talking to you (fun, but also vv calming idk that’s how i feel) loving the brainrots we give each other of our favs from time to time :’) also omg OSRRY im barely active in the server please spare me😿 im lomve u

@nerdybreadcollaborative

gee!! AHHHH KGFJJD GRRR u sweet bean oh my goodness. where do i start- ??? i’ve already gushed so much abt your writing but here we go again; i love your writing so much and your attention to the little details is so great. they flow so well and i hope u get more visibility bc it’s what u deserve!! also please take care of yourself and don’t work too much u nerdy bean

@nishinoya-is-baby

ely my plant kinnie, my spouse (?) and also the blog that i dump my h word thots on😭❤️ ahhh im lomve you, you’re amazing. from your writing, to your makeup skills, and your room, the talent really ✨jumped out✨thank you for supporting me so much, i genuinely appreciate it. i hope we can stay moots despite me being busy gkfjdj anyway take care bbie don’t work too much okay?

@art0saurus

TATE😤 the amount of hq brainrot you’ve fed me is astronomical. idk how you keep coming up with such good ideas but im all for them!! i love your writing so much and the plots are so *chefs kiss* (yes im still gushing over mermaid!bokuto). thank you so much for sending some bits of positivity into my life, im really grateful for it :’)

@dorkyhaikyu

EL!😼 you sweet bean. wish i could bombard ur asks but school is saying no </3 you’re such a sweet mutual and your writing is absolutely amazing. still kinda hurt over that angst u made💔 but anyway i loved it sm. also please wear safer shoes next time on big events so u dont get any more BLISTERS kgjdjdh jkjk

@chickenwingspiker

nashnashnash🥺👉👈 wth you’re so cute and even cuter with the little emoticons u put in my asks. i really appreciate you taking time out of your day to check in on me. i think your works are really heckin cool, im still very into that sock agenda one and the akaashi fic AHH i love them sm. i hope that u have better experiences with online learning and i really wish you all the best on ur art journey <3

@miyastrology

did u forget abt our walk to the strawberry field😿 jkjk heyyy atlas!! im lomve your theme and your writing. i have the urge to say you’re as sweet as strawberry bc im unoriginal like that💔 let’s just pretend i put something kute :’( n e way u are vv cute, make sure to take care of yourself ok!!

@derpeedoo

your rb’s and comments on ppl works... i just... my heart is full. im complete. i go absolute doki doki for you. you’re such a genuine person and you give people so much love❤️ here’s an unlimited supply of my love to you bc you deserve it. ty for all the cute questions btw🥺

🕊 anon - still wondering if ur one of my already-moots or not😳 but anyway dove anon i have a lot to say,,, like how ?? do u go “ok let’s check in on aaron today hehe” like am i interesting??😭 i feel kinda bad ngl you really don’t have to talk to me. but nevertheless im really appreciate of all the support you’ve given me. i genuinely think you’re a cool person and you do all these fun stuff like photography which is amazing. here’s the biggest THANK YOU i could ever give <3 ps. your art is CUTE and AMAZING @bee-kins

@simping-for-tendou

do i??? spam your feed??😭 you’re always liking my posts and i feel so sorry for spamming but also vv appreciate of all the interaction i’ve had with you!! im very glad i got to ask you qotd and stuff because i got to know that you like plants as well!! thank you for sharing plant facts with me, it really made my day. i genuinely think you’re such an awesome and big brained person for knowing all those facts🥺👉👈

@wissaaltje

ngl i was very intimated by you bc of all your angst and really good works which is probably why i never reached out to you sooner😿 ur my uhhh third spouse <3 but anyway your CHAOTIC ENERGY is thru the roof i love that sm and your writing is so mf beautiful i wish more people got to see it😡 i will gib you flower soup and muddy pie to make you feel better ;) jkjk but you’re very amazing and i hope you know that!

@smolbludandelions

hehe you’re in here😼 thank you ???? for supporting me even tho you’re not obligated??? like wh- i- bub🥺🤲 you have all my heart and i rlly rlyy want to stop by your inbox and give you heart memes but me why >;( i hope you have the most amazing day(s) of your life because you deserve it SO much.

@tadashi-simp

FINALLY someone i can simp over yamaguchi with😭 ik we haven’t talked much but AH i love the conversations we’ve had so far and all that insight you gave me about the new wanda film (truly a blessing bc i was so genuinely confused gkfjdj).

@oikaw-ugh

just. JOLLIBEE. can’t believe one of our first interactions was u sending me chain mail smfh i cannot believe you😭 anyway po i appreciate you so much na kaka tawa ako sa mga msgs mo and all the good vibes u radiate. mag bisaya unta ko nimi pero baka mag nosebleed ako😿 im losing my native languages it’s not even funny anymore but when i got to talk to u in my mother tongue, i felt a bit more at home. thank you bub <3

@makemealive

hihi👉👈 idrk what we first talked about, i think it was spending vacation in the galapagos islands??😭 riding turtles??? what a great way to start our friendship :’) i rlly think you’re cool and i just,,,, admire u from afar- yeah. sorry this message is too chaotic but anyway u might not have a green thumb but look at you growing potatoes accidentally😌 anyway i think you’re cool i just haven’t said it before because im s Hy

@lostsealscreams

seal, bub, i genuinely care about you. you’re such a sweet person. i know we haven’t interacted much but im looking forward to more conversations with you!! please find little fun things to do... maybe do some self appropriation if you can, bc you deserve it. maybe even treat yourself... or any self care tasks that make you feel better. i care about you a lot, im just an ask/dm away if you wanna talk about anything at all💕💞✨

@hqgardenia - jkjk this is my spam account idk why i put this here but here probably bc im dumb as fuck

[salmonthestoryteller]

Shannara Chronicles

So I finished both seasons of the Shannara Chronicles. Love season 1, mixed feelings on season 2.  Spoilers ahead!

I did grow up reading the books, but it’s been forever since I read them. So overall that didn’t affect most of my opinions on the show.  My one exception is I love Flick, and was unhappy about his lack of screen time or mention in season 1. I was super salty about Eventine not being the one to tell Wil that Flick fought in the war.

I was watching the episode going:  “Wow, Eventine, you hear the name Ohmsford and don’t even ask about the man who went behind enemy lines to save your sorry ass during the war?? Wth, dude. Not cool.”

So I actually did appreciate getting more Flick in season 2, and Wil finally learning his uncle had fought in the war. The scenes between Bandon and Flick were well done, and even his death worked for me.  Because Flick fought a war to stop the Warlock Lord, watched his beloved brother lose his mind after that war, and there was no way he wasn’t going to do everything in his power to prevent his return.

I will also say, I do feel that Bandon should have said “Flick was right”, not “Allanon was right” in his final scene. Not just because I’m a Flick fangirl, either. Flick was the last person to try to reach out to Bandon emotionally. I also would have accepted “Wil was right.”  Because Wil was his friend in season one, so if he’s going to think about who he should have listened to in the end, it should have been the people who did try their best to help him and show they cared.  And the facts are, Allanon never showed Bandon he truly cared.  He admitted himself that this situation existed because he pushed Bandon too hard and didn’t think of what was best for him.  Because he treated him like a tool to use and not a person.  So I’m not fond of them giving Allanon that moment. It’s understandable Bandon wouldn’t want to listen to Allanon. But he should have listened to Wil and/or Flick.  And that’s what he should have said when facing the truth.

I actually ended up liking Eretia/Wil/Amberle in season one. It starts out and you're like - oh, god another love triangle. And by the time they’re reaching Safehold, you're like - holy shit. Not a love triangle. This is totally poly, and I’m down for it. Of course, then Amberle becomes a tree, so… But I felt like it was still addressed in season 2.  Wil is jealous that Amberle talked to Eretia and didn’t talk to him, Eretia calls out Mareth on her feelings for Wil while admitting she knows what it’s like to love him.  The year apart has led Wil and Eretia on different paths and to different people, but they don’t write off their history, or their shared love of Amberle.

Okay, just insert all the squeeing about the Eretria/Lyria romance in season 2 here. Because it’s gorgeous.  Their fights are understandable, but not for a moment do you not think they aren’t in love through every moment of it. I just wish they’d let Eretia keep Lyria’s ring.  It’s made more than obvious she will return to her, so why have her return the ring?  I am so disappointed in that choice.

On the flipside, what the heck was with the Ander/Catania romance in season 2?  It made no sense.  It did nothing for the plot. Let’s be serious here. Given that Catania was with Bandon in season 1 - is the very reason he is on the loose - and is probably a little traumatized over her boyfriend turning evil, and the love of Ander’s life - Diane, the woman he pined over for ten years, remember her? - just died last year, the idea that they suddenly fell so madly in love Ander would consider giving up a marriage of alliance for Catania is ridiculous.

Not to mention that Catania is killed so quickly it barely matters that they’re together anyway.  On that note, why did we have to kill Catania exactly?  It felt so pointless to murder her. I really hate deaths that are just for drama and not for plot.  And before anyone says “they had to stop her from giving Eretia’s message to Ander”: So Edian had the chance to kidnap the woman the King of the Elves is supposed to be in love with to use as a hostage against him - which would make way more tactical sense - but chose to just kill her and offer a lame excuse even Ander didn’t believe?  With geniuses like this as spies and leaders, it’s a wonder The Crimson is succeeding at anything.

Sorry, but the whole Ander/Catania thing felt like it was there because

“Women and Men can’t be friends”

“We can’t have the only couple kissing in season 2 be w/w”

And nobody is ever gonna convince me those aren’t the backwards opinions that made the writers put them together in season 2, as opposed to just having her be a friend and advisor.  Ander could have hesitated over the marriage cuz he still isn’t over Diane’s death and Catania could have been like, “She’d understand.  She’d want you to put our people first.” And they could have kidnapped her instead of killing her and then that would explain her presence in the Crimson stronghold when Bandon took over, rather than having the Warlock Lord raise her from the dead.  Edian could still have given the excuse, “Catania left cuz she disapproved of the marriage.”  And Ander could still have frozen and been like, “Wait, what?  She encouraged me to accept the marriage.”  Almost nothing would have changed by them not being a romance and not killing Catania. (Twice at that.)

(They could also have also just… not killed Diane in season one.  Just saying…)

On the note of deaths that make no sense.  Let’s talk about having Ander survive the battle against Dagda Mor, witness the death of pretty much his entire family and the woman he loved, only to have him killed in season two by an antagonist who dies an episode later.  Purely for drama and audience pain. Not because it makes one spit of sense for the story.

Remember how Slanter only agrees to the alliance in season one because of Ander?  Because Ander was willing to let him out of the prison he’d been kept in.  To make the choice as a king that, despite Slanter killing the brother he loved so much, if he wanted this alliance - then he needed Slanter.  He also was willing to respect Slanter’s culture when they found the dead gnomes.  If Eventine had still been in charge, Slanter would have told him to go eff himself for asking for their help, but Ander had shown Slanter he had more depth and understanding and Slanter was willing to risk his people on him being the man he hoped he was.  The evolution of their alliance and tentative friendship was a great story.  And then they threw it away for what?

If they killed Ander so Eretia and Lyria could be together, first Ander already knew Lyria loved Eretia and this was strictly a political marriage so he wasn’t in the way in the first place. Second, they still didn’t end the season with them together, so what was the point?

The elven-gnome alliance exists for exactly two reasons and their names are Slanter and Ander.  It is not going to hold with Ander dead.  For that matter, the alliance with Leah will probably not hold with him dead either.  Lyria is the daughter of the woman responsible for the death of the last known (Cuz nobody knows about Mareth) member of the elven royal family. (Queen Tamlin is a fascinating and complex character, but the truth remains Ander is dead because of her machinations). In a world that has been set up as misogynistic from episode one (Amberle wasn’t supposed to run the Gauntlet because she was a girl ringing any bells?) there is no way Lyria would be able to keep the peace under these circumstances.  Not because she wouldn’t be a good queen, but because she was just handed a political nightmare.

That’s before considering that part of Ander’s story both in season one and the struggle with the Crimson in season 2 is because he had spent the last ten years avoiding his duties. He wasn’t taken seriously as king because of that. Um… Lyria has the same issue.  She literally was “missing” for the last year and has a history of running away. She’s going to have the same struggles Ander had in getting her people to put their faith in her, let alone other kingdom’s people.  Realistically, someone would rise up, seize the throne in Arborlon - probably go for Leah first before attacking the gnomes. Or possibly vice versa.  Even if Ander had lived, he and Lyria would have still had a giant mess on their hands - killing him only makes this “Yay, party, everyone’s going to stick to the alliance this time” ending feel super unrealistic.  Sigh.

In a lot of ways it would have made more sense to have the Crimson’s defeat be the end of season 2 and Bandon resurrect the Warlock Lord in the finale.  Not bring the Warlock Lord back for - what? 2 episodes and defeat him?  It made him look really weak by comparison to Dagda Mor, and that was a bit of a disappointment for me.  He’s the Warlock Lord. His defeat should have taken a whole season.  I guess considering we won’t get a season 3, I get why they made sure to wrap it up in season 2. At the same time though it feels rushed after the build up.

All and all, I still enjoyed the show a lot. And I would have come back for a third season if we’d gotten one.

[lollybliz]

bout to make a Monster of a fic rec post here we go

heyo @jinx108! We’ll start with the complete ones because sometimes you’re just not in the mood to wait for the last chapter, you know? I don't remember details of all of these so i’m just going to copy the author’s summary rather than write my own. I am literally just going through my bookmarks, I got 400 of these to sort through. if ive talked to or am familiar with the author im gonna mention them, but if I mention you and you don't want me to have Please tell me and i’ll remove it.

If you’re not into spoilers Please Tread Carefully, I don't watch out for that stuff so I wont know to label it

1>Crushing Truth by Bunzuku: Tododeku. “Romance is hard enough for a teenager to understand when they have a good relationship role model. For Shoto, it takes two excited meddlers for him to even realize what his feelings really are.“

2>Disowned by b00mgh: tododeku + others. Unrated, some traumatic elements. “Shouto freaks out under a bridge and I use the word "grass" a lot more than I really should. Izuku does his stupid martyr thing and everyone makes continuous references to his propensity to break his bones. Aizawa goes "oh FUCK my kids are dying again" and his students use him as emotional (and physical) support. A friend requests angst, I say what kind, she say idk make someone get disowned and i say oh this I can absolutely provide my good buddy.”

3>cotton candy hands by @chonideno: Kiribaku. I will take Any excuse to rec this fic, its the most fluffy pile of feels Good Lord. also the first fic I ever bound into a physical book. “Studying to become a hero requires knowing how to take care of yourself. Sometimes you might need help on the way so if your crush offers to do your hair for you or to give you a well-deserved back rub, it'd be stupid to say no. A series of soft vignettes in which a love-struck Kirishima and a touch-starved Bakugou care for each other and it's definitely not making their hearts jump through hoops, they’re never this close to kissing, no, they're totally best friends bro“

4>Catching Sight of the Storm by neo7v: Kiribaku, tododeku. A considerable amount of Whump and related angst, and kinda sad tbh. “Blind. Quirkless. Useless.The first two things were stated clearly by the doctor that sat about five feet in front of Izuku. The third was a word that Kacchan called him everytime he failed to make the jump on whatever forest excursion they were on or when he ran into a tree because he hadn’t seen it. “I’m so, so sorry, Izuku.” Was his mom giving up on him already? But he could still be a hero if he tried hard enough, right? Quirkless or not. Blind or not. Just because Izuku was useless now didn’t mean he would stay that way forever, right? *** A Blind!Izuku AU”

5>Yell Heah by fakecharliebrown: Chatfic. M a n y pairings. technically complete, but part of an ongoing series. “Iida creates a group-chat for Class 1-A. It doesn't go as planned.“

6>Sunshine by Rosey_Note: BIG SAD. tw- failed suicide attempt. KiriKamiBaku. “They didn't deserve to put up with his crappy mood. Because Denki Kaminari did not feel like Sunshine right now. And they deserved sunshine. In fact, Denki didn't feel much of anything right now.“

7>Electric Connection by  Onlymostydead: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk has always had... Weird side affects. Like his ADHD. And his constant energy. And his insomnia, which wouldn't leave him be right now, when he really needed to just get some sleep. But, thankfully, he has good friends.“

8>The Best (The Worst) by Onlymostydead: no romantic pairing. tw- rampant transphobia, both outside and internalized. “Bakugou Katsuki has known who he was since he was four years old. He was a boy, it was as simple as that. Around his friends, at school... But things couldn't just be that simple, could they?“

9>Lichtenberg Figures by Q_loves_you: no definite romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki has a very powerful force of nature running through his body. Kaminari Denki doesn't want to hurt anybody. He doesn't always get what he wants, and "anybody" does generally include himself.“

10>Eventuality by KikaTouka: ill be honest I don't remember this one at all, I maaaay not have read it yet :/. anyway. ShinKami. “Shinsou learns more than just hero lessons after being transferred to 1-A.“

11>Pickup Lines for the Soul by MustardSoup: ShinKami. “Denki is twelve when he is flicking through the TV channels and lands on an old RomCom movie about soulmate marks – specifically the same type that he has. “I can’t believe I’ve had to walk around with a cheap pickup line written on my ankle my entire life because of you!” The leading lady yells at the leading man as he stares at her in awe. Denki laughs. “Oh no.” His mother says, watching him. “Oh no, indeed.” His sister repeats quietly.“

12>caught in my own web by @anxioussailorsoldier: ShinKami. “Shinsou needs some help after getting caught up in his capture weapon. Kaminari enters from stage left.“

13>not so summer love by nataliya: ShinKami. “Class 2-B’s common room, although typically quiet, was currently filled with five students—three slowly giving up on homework, one bitching about noise and another that rushes through the front door. “We’ve been waiting for you—” Mina starts, but Kaminari’s vaulting over the back of the couch, eyes wide as he practically buzzes out of his skin, emitting light like crazy as currents dazzle across strands of hair. “I have a big ugly crush,” He steps off the couch and onto the coffee table, much to Bakugou’s chagrin, “On big ugly Shinsou.””

14>Blamed by coldandhotsoba: ShinKami. Tw- they fuckin kill a guy and its a lil nasty. “This was not how the day was supposed to end. They were supposed to end the day like they do most nights.  Kaminari clutching onto him like a koala as he slept, wrapped in the millions of tacky blankets Kaminari had bought. Warm and safe in their bed. It was not supposed to end with both of them tied up in some cold metal room.“

15>Lightning Scars by Present-Mics-Scream (write_your_way_out): Shinkami. “It's hard to be confident in your abilities when you're surrounded by people with incredible quirks. Shinsou Hitoshi would know better than anyone. Sure, he was admitted to the hero course in his second year, but being admitted to the hero course, and keeping up with the rest of the class are two different things. Lucky for him, Kaminari is there to prove that the flashiest quirks come with the largest drawbacks.“

16>See No Evil, Hear No Evil by randomfan188: no romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki is legally blind. When he forgets to wear his contacts and breaks down during math class, comfort appears in the strangest of ways.“

17>how not to enjoy the weather, an article by kaminari denki by dreamtowns: no defined romantic pairing. “If there was one thing Kaminari hated the most in a world wth villains, it would have to be thunderstorms.“

18>”Studying” by emmyrox22: ShinKami, EraserMic. “Shinsou and Kaminari have been “studying” together for a while (but not for school). Shinsou gets stopped by his dads on the way to another “study” session and mistakes are made“

19>Weaknesses by sunflowerstorm: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk and storms compliment each other in the worst way, but he's convinced he can deal with it on his own... until he really can't any longer. When Shinsou accidentally overhears Aizawa confronting Kaminari about recent changes in behaviour and hears about the hell his quirks been putting him through, he can't just pretend he never heard. He wants to help.“

20>it’s hurt denki hours by memeingfultrash: ShinKami + others. ““Certain members of our class are...under the impression that...you’re the traitor.” Denki’s body went cold and felt like he was going to short circuit. ~some of class 1a believes that denki is the traitor and avoid him”

21>Petition to replace Mineta with Shinsou- (signed by Kaminari Denki) by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami + others. This is one of my favorites, I go back to reread it from time to time. It SAYS 41/42, but that's just a glitch cus chapter 36 doesn't exist for some reason, I talked to the author about it and its fine. “Mineta brings shame to the color purple. You know who does not bring shame to the rich color, but pride and sexual tension to one infatuated Kaminari Denki instead? Shinsou Hitoshi, aka sexy zombie man, aka the most perfect hunk of a man to walk planet earth, aka future husband. Shinsou has finally gotten his chance to prove himself to the hero course, and he did more than prove himself. The only question left unanswered is whether he will start in A or B, and how Kaminari can manipulate the end result.“

22>How to Get a Boyfriend (in Four Easy Steps!) by e1ana: ShinKami, EraserMic, + others. “Step 1: Get kicked out of the house by your homophobic parents. Step 2: Run headfirst into your brooding, mysterious crush. Step 3: Sleep in his dad’s (see: your homeroom teacher) house Step 4: Watch everything you thought you knew go to shit. This isn’t exactly the sweet, romantic plan that Kaminari Denki longed for. Will everything be ok, or will step 5 be to crash and burn?“

23>Bakugou and Todoroki’s Foolproof 5-Step Plan to Fuck with Mineta Minoru by Anubis_2701: Kiribaku, TodoDeku, + others. This is another one of my favorites, and the one I am currently folding and sewing into a physical book. you learn how to do funny things when bored and quarantined ig. “It was a simple enough idea; screw around with the resident bastard of Class 1-A to let him know that his medieval ways and perverted behaviour weren't going to be tolerated by even the most career-focused of UA's students. To say that things had snowballed was an understatement. Todoroki had no idea how he had ended up sitting on Bakugou's floor at 1 am, holding a dossier of incriminating material that would make the FBI slobber, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. The long and short of it was, fuck Mineta.”

24>Colour Theory by chancellorxofxtrash: TodoBakuDeku. this one’s a series. “Midoriya/Bakugo/Todoroki slow burn soulmate AU. All three of them are nerds with their own emotional issues, trying to navigate their way through becoming heroes, and their own relationship with each other.“

25>Summer Sunshine by Mara97: TodoDeku. Ever want a Barbie in a mermaid tale/Bnha crossover? No? well here you go anyway! “Instead of worrying about college, Izuku spends his summer vacation finding out his father is, supposedly, a dead merman king and going on a quest to dethrone the current king, Endeavor. Along the way, Izuku becomes close to the three journeying with him, makes friends with strangers, starts crushing on an unattainable prince, and, in the end, learns to love himself. Oh, and he saves a kingdom, too.“

26>The snowflakes on our skin and the flames in our soul are one (and the same), my love by missunderstuffyou: TodoDeku, Kiribaku. this is one of the ones I keep a running reread comment going on. its at,,, 6, atm.  “Before your quirk begins to present itself, the soulmate link comes through, and suddenly whatever you write upon your own skin appears on the body of your soulmate. As your soulmate writes to you, the emotions they feel follow through the ink.Izuku Midoriya is four years and a few months old when he first feels the slight ebbing in his arms. It doesn’t hurt… he can just feel something, and it’s enough to make him sprint into his mother’s arms screaming that his quirk is coming. She had been washing in the kitchen, and the sudden screech as her son rockets into her side is enough to make her jump with panic, immediately grabbing at him and looking for cuts and bumps before she understands his words and the stupidly bright, alight smile on his face with large, watery, hopeful eyes. Shoto Todoroki doesn’t feel his soulmate connection open up. It is drowned in the aches of a small body worked far too hard.“

27>It was dark inside the closet by Chad_Champion69420: Pre-ShinDeku? maybe? its tagged shindeku but like. it’ll make sense if you read it. “Midoriya is invited to a party. He and Shinsou decide to play a little trick on the rest of the party during Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

28>how to woo your local trash gremlin: a comprehensive guide by Todoroki shouto by wonhaebunny: TodoBaku. this is the fic that dragged me into todobaku, fun fact. “five times shouto tries to confess to bakugou, and one time he doesn't bother tryingaka: wikihow is a scam and bakugou is a terrible, terrible boy“

29>top ten photos taken right before disaster by Shookspeare: ShinDeku. “Izuku participates in a harmless prank, only to end up ruining it and running for dear life.“

30>Secrets to Share by pechebaie: no definite romantic pairing. “Kirishima comes out first, and nothing changes. Kirishima and Kaminari still hang out to complain about class and talk about boys - and sometimes girls, too, in Kaminari’s case; he still plans stupid pranks with Sero that get them sent to the principal’s or nurse’s office every time; Ashido still kicks his ass at Mario Kart without hesitation; and Bakugou doesn’t get angry at him any more than he usually does.“

31>What One Hides by Pinalinet: TodoDeku. “All Might gives class 1-A an unusual assignment that results in Midoriya Izuku and Todoroki Shouto attending a weekly acting class. But with a mysterious villain targeting individuals without Quirks, and a developing issue of Todoroki's own, an after-school assignment is the least of their worries.“

32>whether or not we’re fated, we’re meant to be by juurensha: KINDA SPOILERY. TodoDeku + others. “Todoroki didn’t have a soulmark for most of his life.His siblings all did, but up until the day of the U.A. entrance exam, he had shoved the idea aside. It’s not like they could help him anyway. And then a 9 appears on his chest, and a green-haired boy barrels into his life with a fire and ice soulmark on his arms, and suddenly Todoroki cares very much about all this could mean.”

33>The Midnight Shift by meiishu @meiishu @totallytodoroki (idk which you’d rather I attach so I went with both): ShinKami. ““Hey Toshi,” Denki says, and he laughs, clearly embarrassed. He’s got on a jean jacket that did him absolutely no help and a white tee shirt that is currently stuck to his torso. It’s got a pikachu design in the center. “By any chance, do you sell umbrellas?” “You really went out in this weather.” Hitoshi deadpans, instead of dignifying that with an answer. or hitoshi works the midnight shift at the gas station, which also doubles as a pokestop for pokemon go. of course, denki is a regular.”

34>Rock the House by AkabaneKayo: ShinKami. “It wasn’t just his bed. It was his entire fucking room shaking. Only one thought crossed his mind at that moment: “Holy shit. My room is haunted.”“

35>Technically, they’re morning kisses by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami. “Most nights, Shinsou cannot fall sleep. Neither can Kaminari. It seems counterproductive to have a sleepover then, but they try to make it work. And they fail, but that is okay.“

36>someone to call mine by nearly_theyre: ShinKami, EraserMic “From: Me wish you were here, denks From: kitten 💛💘💛 what if i was tho? OR Four times Denki snuck into Hitoshi's room and one time he walked through the front door.“

37>Pretty by Onlymostydead (noticing some repeat authors? me too): no definite romantic pairing. “(Or, Kaminari still can't figure out bra clasps.) Kaminari has never really felt good about himself. Herself? Whichever way, not knowing doesn't make anything easier. Especially when he (she?) and Mina have their bodies swapped during training, and everything seems too right.“

38>If I offer you my hand, will you take it? by bleukitsune: Kiribaku. SPOILERY. ““Why?” Kirishima leaned back on his hands, trying to create some space between them. Too close. The ash-blond looked really nervous, his usually arrogant and cunning demeanor gone. “What do you see when you look at me? Kirishima is worried. Bakugou is hurting. After his confrontation with Midoriya, he finally reaches out to him. “

Theres way more but I haven't tagged them properly yet so that m a y come later if I can ever finish going through and adding my sorting tags.

and then a last few that Are Not Complete but im really very fond of them. not as many as id like to add, but my hands are getting tired tbh.

39>State of Mind by GuardianOfTheLoaf: no relationship YET but its looking like it’ll be either tododeku or shindeku, probably the former. EraserMic. tw- childhood neglect and severe depression. Izuku’s not a happy kid. “Izuku was a late bloomer, his quirk lying dormant until his tenth birthday when in a fit of emotion he grabs his mother and she disappears. With All Might slowly restoring his confidence Izuku begins the difficult journey into becoming a hero.“ 18/? chapters.

40>Izuku Eats His Problems by CosmicAce: ShinDeku. Izuku’s a flerkin, what more could you want? “His whole life, Izuku Midoriya was taught to keep his powers, his Quirk, hidden from the world. His kind were feared, hunted to near extinction because of it. He just wants to show people he’s different. That he can be a HERO. And nothing is going to stop him. Even if his Quirk IS like an eldritch abomination.“ 43/? chapters

and then probably my current favorite bnha fic- although it fights with Apertum Mortem for that spot but that ones d a r k and not here-

41>family of the year by periiwren: EraserMic. “Hitoshi is done. Done with moving around every few months to a couple that will scrutinize him and eventually dump him right back where he started. Good thing he’s well past his strike limit now- at least he can stay in one place, be content to age out of the system and finish out his training with Aizawa. Maybe transfer into the hero course, maybe be a hero- but none of that was guaranteed. The only thing for sure was that he was going to stay in that center for the rest of his childhood. Or so he thought- because Aizawa Shouta and Yamada Hizashi have other plans.“ 24/? chapters. we’ve been informed that this one’s gonne be l o n g and im Very Grateful.

42>Here There Be Dragons by here_and_there: pre-ShinDeku. “Izuku looked at the small circle Aizawa had motioned to in front of them. "I won't fit," he whispered, thinking. He raised his hand, tentatively. Sighing, Aizawa grumbled, "What?" "I-I have a question. Actually, two." His teacher just stared at him, unimpressed. Izuku continued. "Can we activate our quirks before we step into the ring?" Aizawa looked up into the sky, muttering something Izuku didn't hear. "If you must." "O-Okay. Uh, second question. You said we have to stay inside the circle, right?" "Yes." The man looked disappointed, not only in Izuku but in himself for letting the kid speak. "Great. Uh... does that include tails?"“ 6/? chapters.

43>Another Option by sandersonsister: TodoBakuDeku, Touya/Hawks, Dabi/Hawks. Potentially Spoilery, depends on whether horikoshi has the guts to confirm Touya. this one is waiting around the corner with a baseball bat, its really cute, and then r e a l l y painful. it might be getting better though. maybe. it might be getting worse. “When Touya stops his mother from hurting Shouto, he decides enough is enough. He needs to get out of this house and he's taking his baby brother with him.“ 33/? chapters.

That's it i’m done for now, oof. maybe ill edit more onto this post later, maybe i’ll just make another one. hope some of these work!