#yay i got tagged in something

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

tagged by @spacepandar a literal year ago, but felt like it now, thank you Sasha!

Put your ‘On Repeat’ playlist on shuffle and list the first ten songs:

Jolene - Dolly Parton

Just The Other Side Of Nowhere - Johnny Cash

Still Breathing - Green Day

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine

Langeweile - Pankow

Tommi - AnnenMayKantereit

I am Stretched on your Grave - Kate Rusby

Irish Eyes - Rose Betts

Silver Springs (Live in Burbank, 1997) - Fleetwood Mac

In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins

tagging @moonprincess92 because i got fun music recs from her in the past, and @spacepandar if you feel like doing this again! everyone else please consider yourselves tagged if you feel like doing this, as you can see i could do with some more recent music to listen to lol

[rebel-by-default]

Thanks for the tag @thingsvettysays - I've started a new post so it doesn't get too crowded

Three ships

Hmm. A toughie, I don't really focus on ships when it comes to fandoms, they kinda exist in the background mostly but here are three I enjoy. 

Merlin/Arthur - BBC Merlin - i love this old classic, merthur never gets old.

Diego/Lila - romantic relationships aren't really why i love TUA, but I love their dynamic a lot

House/Wilson - they loved each other, it's that simple

First ever ship

Well my first ever experience of fanfiction was Merthur, I didn't exactly seek it out, but I somehow found myself reading more. 

Currently listening

Oh dear, my latest new addition to the library would be notre dame by Paris Paloma, but I've been listening to the album Business as Usual by Men at Work for the nostalgia factor. 

Currently reading

Well my brain is too burnt out to read any fiction at the moment, so I'm jumping between books till I actually have an attention span again.

King Arthur: The Making of the Legend - Nicholas J. Higham, a non-fiction book about the origin of king arthur and whether he ever existed

Can't We Just Print More Money? - a book on economics by the Bank of England

The Anglo-Saxons: A History of the Beginnings of England - Marc Morris. Unsurprisingly, a book about the Anglo-Saxons

Currently watching

Rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer as its a guilty pleasure of mine (disclaimer that Joss Whedon is a yucky human being)

Currently consuming 

Raspberry chocolate and Diet Coke

Currently craving

Well now I just want raspberry diet coke, but you can only get it at those fancy machines in cinemas and Five Guys

Tagging @uncivilcivilservice @frozenwafflesagain and @fivecoffeemugs but no pressure! (And remember that some of these games are password fishing so always check the questions!)

[aarchimedes]

for context: I read the hobbit first over the course of two years when I was like 13, but I'm only now starting to read lotr. having a blast tho!

anyways, reblog if you feel like it 🙌🏻

[untouchedsoap]

there is something sooo fucking good about early seasons ian and mickey, about watching this summer fling turn into something more, the fear that elicited from mickey but him being unable to stop, finding those little moments hidden away and taking all this meaning from small gestures and persevering in dugouts and under bleachers and barely pressed confessions in the back of a church that is soo good for my brain

like i am very glad mickey gets to shout his love for ian from the mountain tops and also beat his love for ian into his dad's face but when he was clenching his teeth shut and his love for ian was coming out regardless ohhhhh baby i was eating

[unproduciblesmackdown]

just in time to spin the prompt / inspiration wheel via @lotrmusical for the 1 year anniversary of watermill theater lotr musical today:

the way louis maskell says "mr gandalf—please" with a laugh in his voice as he kneels next to sam to "protect" him from being turned into anything unnatural

[justewil]

it's still friday somewhere. quick flora doodle

other version because i don't know if i like the. Highlights?

[reginarubie]

Just read your new work and as much as I adore anything you write I must confess seeing the past jonsa tag hurt me. I just adore them and have been patiently awaiting for the day the jonsa inspires you again! I hope this doesn’t offend you, it was meant to be a compliment. I’m just awful at wording, like I meant your my go to jonsa author of choice so seeing that tag just left me with feels that your moving on but I know experimenting and dabbling in other ships are great for authors!! I don’t know I’m just in my feels I guess?? So many talented Jonsa authors have become in-active or deleting their works, discontinuing, etc and while I know it just part of life and I’m glad some still continue to write or are SELF PUBLISHING!!! (Although sadly they won’t share their official works-I hunt it down one day) I just feel an odd pang in my chest when another one goes down like dang I just wanna hold you all and never let go. God this sounds like I have abandonment issues, I’m just going stop now before I embarrass myself even more

Aw...hello!,

I am your to-go Jonsa author? That like made my day, so thank you! Also don't worry, you are neither pathetic, not have your embarassed yourself. You have just shared in our common love for Jonsa, which I still believe will be the open endgame of the books, tbh, and I could not appreciate you more for it.

Of course I love experimenting and for a long while I have been uninspired in Jonsa, mostly because I have been hyperfixated on Aemondsa (which I think Jon and Aemond share so much traits it's ridiculous), but I have not forgotten all my wips for Jonsa, to which I mean to return in the Summer (I am a perfectionist, procrastinator so unless I am on the wave of hyperfixation I am never quite satisfied enough with my work to share it, but the updates shall come soon).

You know what else shall come soon, because my muse actually is never satisfied with just one story and just one ship at time?

A new Jonsa story I have been keeping under wraps, a season 7/8 rewrite with specks of book canon as well.

Look, I'll even leave the edit I've done for it, and the summary. I plan to get it out by the end of June with the first chapter, so prepare your popcorns, seatbelts and fav comf food because I'll be back on my Jonsa shit again. And it's gonna be epic!

A song for wolves,

The South has a new queen, a dragon queen who wears her name like a true Targaryen. Mother of the Dragons. Mother of monsters. Dark mother, brought ruin, death and fire to the Realm, and put to torch her enemies. With Fire and Blood she has torn at the lioness of the Rock and the whole world shall bend the knee to this foreign conqueror, or endure become ashes. And yet, to the North a new enemy rises. House Stark. The ancient kings on winter, the last defence against death and ice; battered, exiled and tortured they rose again in the name of the King in the North. A bastard deserter and his sisters; a Lannister's wife and a girl. “They are Starks, and the northerners never forget,” When winter comes... You'll hear no lions roar... No stags grazing the fields... No roses growing in the meadows... No snakes in the sand... The krakens will freeze where they swim... The flayed men will rot and wither... No trouts swimming in the river and no falcons flying in the air... Not even the dragons breath will warm you in your halls. Only the wolfs howl in the night... Winter is coming.

As always, hope you stay tuned, and yes the edit's got better since I started to make them, but alas no, those clips, music and quotes do not belong to me, we all knew how things would go if they did.

As always sending all my love ~G.

[overly-verbose]

Seriously, bro's a professional yapper lmfao

Tbf it's not completely unprovoked and he does just want to at least try explaining some things, if in a roundabout way, to make people more at ease (if not in the moment then overall) but, well-

sometimes it has the opposite effect lmao 😂

Also like, it's absolutely hilarious how I thought

'oh but this is just, like three scenes - how long could this be'

but all the freaking talking and stuff that everyone's doing is making Part 8 the second longest in the series 😂😂😂💀😂

(I fear for my poor brain, man - we've only just barely almost covered the Detention Center Arc

(and a little bit of the VS Mahito Arc Mahito Gets Curse PTSD Arc but I do wanna fill in some of the gaps between those)

and it's already gonna be over 40k words???

Why am I being so ambitious for my first ever proper writing project frrr *perishes a bit*

but I do hope to get it to the end - and beyond because there's no way I wouldn't constantly add to the post-main-plot shenanigans lol - however long that takes heh (just try to be patient with me pls I try my best here 😂) 👍)

[weaponizedmoth]

Been meaning to do another one of these for a second, but didn't have any cool outfit pics--until I remembered these blurry pics I had from 2021 that I could never do much with. Libbyframe is the inspo for these as usual,✨️

[thecultoflove]

funny human AU fanart!!! Shrignold is giving us a heart, I’m sure we did something to deserve it :))) I decided to draw them in a precious moments art style, I was inspired by this figure ^^ to go further than the art, why do you think Shrignold is holding a heart? What did the person do to deserve it?

OKAY SO I JUST WOKE UP AND THE GASP I LET OUT ???? FIRST EVER OFFICIAL FANART OF A DESIGN ON HERE IS ACTUALLY INSANE TO ME I'M GOING TO SCREAMEKJHFHGJKFDHDFJKGJH??? YOU DRAW SO WELL..?????????? I LOVEDYOUR ART FROM THAT ONE SILLY BACK DAYS AGO AND IN GENERAL YOU'VE BEEN REALLY FUN TO SEE AROUND IN MY NOTIFICATIONS BUT NOTHING PREPARED ME FOR THE FANARTTTTTTTTTT. OHH MY GOODNESSSSS AAAAAAGJFDHJKFDKGHDFJKGHKJDHGKJFHDJGHFDKGHFKJDGHJKDFHGKJFDGKJ IM SAVING THIS SO MANY TIMES IN MY FILES FORVER AND EVER

[dorianbrightmusic]

an interpretation of kieran’s mental health in the indigo disk

One thing that’s me very consistently while playing through the Indigo Disk DLC is how Kieran’s behaviour, though erratic, feels horrifyingly believable through a certain lens. Many of his behaviours are painfully reminiscent of my own memories of having anorexia nervosa—and while that’s absolutely not the sole reason someone could break down into an antithetical version of themself as dramatically as Kieran does, I think that as a reading, it can actually coexist very nicely with the actual plot reasoning of ‘competitive tunnel vision’. If anything, it would complement his competitive frenzy quite effectively.

I’m aware this is a risky and hyper-specific interpretation to share, but I’m posting my reasoning beneath the cut, since I think it’s worth sharing not just as a reading of Pokemon, but also as an intersectional look at ED pathology that doesn’t focus so much on either food or figure. Every time I’ve headcanoned a character as anorexic, it’s been because their behaviours seemed painfully perfectionistic and inflexible (see Seto Kaiba), rather than because they looked a particular way. Obviously, massive trigger warning for discussion of restrictive EDs as attempts at self-destruction.

(n.b. None of this is necessarily based on what I've read in scientific papers so much as on experience and observation of others with this disease. As such, if this feels a bit Freud-y-mumbo-jumbo-y, it probably is.)

Let’s start by looking at where Kieran starts out. In Kitakami, he’s stunningly isolated at the best of times. He thinks in extremes—good, bad; hero, villain; strong, weak. His relationship with his sister isn’t bad, per se, but she’s tempestuous and brash, whereas he’s sensitive and fearful. Her attempts to protect him from the worst of the world reinforce his sense of weakness—she shelters him in the harshest way possible, simultaneously expecting him to be tough enough to bear her toughness and weak enough to be able to tolerate nothing else. And though he attends a specialised school for battle, he’s long been the designated weak sibling; as such, he cannot, by nature, be considered admirable at Blueberry Academy. At home and school alike, he feels less than, and desperately lonely. 

To cope, he renders weakness and loneliness as part of his identity, and latches onto the idea of Ogerpon as a courageous outcast, rather than as a villain. It’s an awkward, immature means of coping, as its sole mechanism of granting him any sense of worth further entrenches his isolation and inferiority complex. In defying conventional wisdom on local mythology, he’s choosing to distrust others’ judgement, cutting off any chances of accepting others’ approbation, and locking himself into his own estrangement. His sense of self is constructed around total denial of the fact that being isolated still hurts. So long as he takes up in fantasy, he can’t acknowledge the reality of hating loneliness; and, every time this loneliness and weakness is brought to his attention, he’s suddenly dealing with years of feeling worthless, as compressed into a single moment. As such, he takes defeat awfully, and, having built up very few other ways of coping over the years, gets stupendously angry.

When somebody who’s not from the village comes along, however, maybe he has room to be seen as sensible, rather than contrarian—and, when the player is accepting and kind, he realises that maybe, maybe, there’s room for him to be likeable, worthwhile, in someone’s eyes, after all. So, it’s little wonder that he clings hard to the player, and becomes painfully attached after one day. The player’s affirmation is basically all he has by way of a positive sense of self outside of his own distorted interpretation of legends. Then, cue the player lying to him and taking away Ogerpon. This moment has removed both of Kieran’s last bastions of positive self-image, of ‘maybe it’s okay to be weak, maybe I’m worthwhile anyway’. To him, this isn’t just a minor betrayal—it’s the destruction of his ability to have a sense of worth. It’s pressing on a pain that he’s been systematically ignoring, and reminding him just how much it hurts. 

All he knows, though, is denial—so, to deal with this, he needs to create a new sense of self that can ignore the pain of being weak. But since identifying with weakness hasn’t worked for him, he now attempts the opposite, and takes to pursuing strength at any cost. If he’s strong, then how can weakness hurt him, right?

Except this time, the denial is more extreme, more overtly compartmentalised. He assumes a new team, a new hairstyle, a new manner of talking, dressing, acting. He builds up new rules for life, strict as can be, and brooks no exceptions for any weakness. He is trying, in every way possible, to obliterate the existence of the boy from Kitakami.

An obliterated existence/A dual self

I’d like to pause for a moment here to discuss the compartmentalisation of identity that takes place in anorexia nervosa, as I think it’s relevant here.

Anorexia is a coping mechanism—specifically, the disease promises that by supplanting some part of the self that is currently extremely distressed, it can remove the pain and control the situation. The anorexic personality comes from the original personality, but promises to fulfil its ideals by any means possible. So, seeking a sense of security, the afflicted person compartmentalises—the anorexic personality deals with this thing, the healthy personality with that thing—and reserves the healthy personality from having to deal with distress. The problem is, the illness doesn’t usually fix the problem it promised to, but creates many more. But because it allows one to deny psychic pain, it feels comforting—‘I’m in control of this situation, and the powerless part of me has been obliterated’. Rather than resolve the issues created by the illness by attenuating anorexic behaviours, the person tries to instead brute-force fix things with more anorexia; and onward goes the vicious cycle. In doing this, the afflicted person cedes control of their life to the illness, and, over time, comes to identify with it. While it blocks out their source of pain, it also bonds them to it, forcing them to acquiesce to, if not actively seek out, the increasing physical and emotional toll of the illness.

(I promise it gets better.)

The anorexic personality is split into pieces—the healthy self, and the anorexic self—and the healthy self is usually still dealing with something, so doesn’t feel healthy enough to deal with the things the anorexic self deals with. At first, these selves can be very distinct—the anorexic self often be strict, perfectionistic, and tight-lipped, unwilling to burden others with the original self’s vulnerability. Strict rules and schedules often come to dominate the person’s life while they’re ill—must work this hard, do these things and these times. Over time, the boundary between the healthy and sick selves becomes increasingly murky—one’s mind is invaded from the inside—and the original personality changes further to accommodate the illness. To complicate things further, anorexics tend to not only conceal their distress from themselves, but conceal their illness—and the underlying upset—from others. This is much easier to pull off if you’re isolated to begin with. Recovery thus isn’t merely physical, but psychological, trying to rehabilitate and reintegrate the original identity after a period of being compartmentalised and fragmented. This involves abandoning a coping mechanism and confronting pain that had been abnegated throughout and prior to the illness, so is more complex than just trying to attenuate anorexic cognitions and behaviours. 

Another look at Kieran

Kieran is unbearably lonely, and has long been trying to deny this loneliness in some way or another. Even when he’s identified with the loneliness, he’s done so in order to try to avoid the associated pain. It’s not really acceptance, in that it’s volatile, so much as unsophisticated avoidance hidden by a veneer of acceptance. This unbearable loneliness is his underlying problem—and even back on Kitakami, he’s very much trying—and failing—to push it down. The events of The Teal Mask are enough to show him that denial through surface acceptance isn’t going to cut it, as his relationships with the player and Ogerpon (or at least the idea of Ogerpon) have reinforced how incredibly alone he is.

When he flips on his axis to pursue strength, he’s not pursuing any more sophisticated a means of coping than before, but he’s being much, much more overt about it. Though the source of his angst is, in fact, loneliness and an inferiority complex, he’s convinced himself that the problem is not that he’s alone, but that he’s weak. If he can deal with the weakness, why would he care about feeling lonely? And since the boy from Kitakami was weak, that personality has got to go. Kieran develops a second self, and hands control of his life over to this self, expecting it to resolve the problem that he’s weak. He becomes brutal, because if he can tolerate his own brutality, why should anyone else struggle? He used to be weak, weaker than any of them, after all. 

Pokémon training, realistically, is a form of exercise. And as weak a kid as he’s always been, he’ll make himself stronger, now, so he’ll train, however much hell it is for his team, his classmates, his sister, however much strain it puts on his body, as he barely rests, barely sleeps, barely stops by his room to cook himself anything. Does he need sustenance, when the whole point of this work is to bury his weakness, starve the kid inside himself of his own name and face? Externally, he’s attempted to obliterate the appearance of the kid he used to be – not just in the sense of changing his appearance and his demeanour, but also trying his best to alter his reputation. Physically and behaviorally, he needs to change, he thinks, to block out his weakness, lest it be obvious to an onlooker. Anything less than being a perfect champion will destroy him. 

What happens, then, when the player takes his title, and Drayton ridicules him as ex-champion? Kieran has been hoist with his own petard—with his title in shreds, his identity, too, is in pieces. The player has destroyed him. He’s destroyed himself. And years, years, of abnegated misery now come crashing down once again. So, he makes one final attempt to seize glory with Terapagos, for indeed, other than glory, he has nothing. For the first time, he has to confront the fact that he has nothing. That’s terrifying. What can he do but lash out? He’s been pressing down the scared kid inside for a long time, and as such, that scared, angry part of him is in a state of prodigiously arrested development. So, he screams and he screams. And then, at last, he can start to repent. So, he helps the player. And then, the two of them get to start over—as friends, rivals, family. 

This is recovery: desperately clinging to dysfunction, only to reconcile with being powerless, and, at last, to choose to come back, to walk away from the wreck made of oneself. Kieran must go home to Kitakami—he had no choice, because there was where his real issue—loneliness—had started. (If he didn’t attend a lot of therapy throughout this time, I’ll be amazed.) And, in his time away from school, after finally breaking down and admitting before Terapagos, before the player, before Briar and Carmine, that he had nothing, nobody, he was always going to have to learn, somehow, how to have something, someone, and how to pay respects to the absent space left for both in the meantime. And when he finally comes back to Blueberry, he’s integrated bits of both of his selves. The timid boy from Kitakami is still there, but now has a spine. The tough, one-track-minded champion helps him stay focussed, but doesn’t seep into his personal life—or at least, not to the exclusion of the kinder part of him. He’s not the same kid he used to be—part of that kid died somewhere along the way, in some sense—but at last, he can acknowledge what he really was—scared and lonely—and, with the courage and strength he once misapplied, he can finally move forward, and learn how to breathe again. 

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

Rules: answer + tag people you want to get to know better and/or catch up with.

tagged by @spacepandar :)

Favorite color: gotta go with blue. but a nice green or yellow is also neat

Last song: “The Boys of Summer" by The Hooters

Currently reading: just finished with Don't Eat Me from Colin Cotterill's Dr. Siri series, which is always good silly fun. Not really feeling Stefan Heym's "Five Days in June" that I was already halfway through, so I might pick up something else

Currently watching: I'm technically watching D20's Never Stop Blowing Up as it's coming out, but I'm not super invested

Currently craving: a swim would be lovely. Or a beach. I miss the sea *sigh* soon though!

Coffee or tea: I mean both but my next drink will be coffee

A hobby you would like to try: embroidery is a good one, Sasha! Also, I low-key want to get into spinning because I clearly don't have enough grandmotherly hobbies already ^^

An AU/Alternate universe you've been plotting for: does daydreaming post-canon events for The World Through a Scope count? No? Idling through my GDR AU without writing anything, maybe? Other than that I've been busy plotting the AU where I finally finish university and get a job, and also customising The Lost Mine of Phandelver for my game group into basically an AU because my storytelling hubris knows no bounds

thank you for the tag! @topsee-turvee, @moonprincess92, anyone else who feels like it, consider yourselves tagged <3

[caramelmochacrow]

the sasago sisters!!!!

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

I literally feel fine but also I suspect it would be a very bad idea to play with sharps rn because this could change very quickly

[hawnks]

me: wow I’m being so productive today I’ve gotten so much done I wish everyday was like this I wonder what happened to me it must be an exuberant fluke

(👆 took the correct dosage of her meds today)

[volivolition]

Idk if you saw or not but a new chapter of the fury of a shattered mirror dropped last night! I haven’t read it yet but I thought I should let you know 😎👍

awughgh HELL YEAH!! ive been away from my laptop for a while so i didnt see, thank you birdy!! :] this is the best news ive had all day hkjgh <33 excited very excited going to read it now <33