#yea i havent met him but he seems cool

[strawglicks]

random chip stuff

[lookingoutforstarrs]

first kiss with hamzah!

° ♡ •

-you had to be the one to initiate y’all’s first kiss, and on that note you had to teach him how to kiss lol

-he was sooooo super nervous about it

-it happened when y’all were hanging out at a park. it was almost sunset and you were originally there with y’all’s friend group but because of how late it was getting, everyone except you and hamzah left

-y’all’s friends definitely did that on purpose to make him nervous lolol

-he was rambling to you, trying to make it seem like he wasn’t nervous at all, even though you could tell. he wasn’t keeping eye contact and he was stuttering like crazy.

-you were a little bit tipsy, from the drinks your friends brought earlier, but not drunk. it just gave you a little more courage.

-you had seen how he looked at you when he wasn’t careful. it seemed every time you turned around he was there, staring.

-you were attempting to make direct eye contact with him, following his eyes as he tried to break it.

-my boy was sweating bullets LMAO

‘hamzah,’ you interrupted

-he stopped fully and looked at you worriedly

‘uhhhhh, yea?’ he replied

-you two were both sitting down, you with your knees to your chest and him doing the same, facing away from each other

-you turned to him, shifting your weight onto one hip to face him.

-he didn’t know what you were going to say and that was driving him crazy.

‘you’ve been acting kinda weird lately’ you said, in a matter of fact tone.

-he choked on his air and coughed a little

‘really?? i havent tried to be weird or……anything’ he replies, not looking at you

-its true though, and he knows it. you two have known each other since around 2021, when you first moved to Toronto. you were an online personality like he was, so y’all quickly met because of mutual friends in the area

-he knew you were cute, but when y’all first met his crush wasn’t that big. but over the years and getting to know you, he only fell harder.

-you were one of the smartest, kindest, and funniest people he knew. plus he thought you were very hot and he brought it up to martin a lot, trusting him to keep his secret.

‘whats been on your mind?’ you ask, looking him in the eye, staring too deep for his liking

‘well…um,’ he replied, feeling as though you were staring into his soul. ‘i dunno.’

-you huff, not the answer you were looking for. you had liked hamzah since you met him. and you knew he liked you because mandy spilled the beans one day.

‘i feel like you’re just acting strange around me,’ you stated, ‘is it something i did?’

-his heart sank.

‘nonononono,’ he reassures, ‘its nothing you did, you’re fine. its just- i dont know how to put it.’ he says looking down and slightly blushing.

-you think about how you can get this man to spill, and you turn over ideas in your head. you two sit in silence for a moment.

‘y’know, mandy did tell me something a couple months ago, ‘ you say in a knowing tone.

-his heart immediately starts going 100 miles a minutes, remembering that if martin hears something, he cant keep his mouth shit around mandy.

-you and mandy are very close friends, so she would definitely tell you

‘oh…..what uh was it?’ he asked, visibly nervous.

‘its probably nothing now,’ you tease, ‘but she said that a couple months ago you told martin that you had a crush on me.’

-he puts his face in his palms, knowing he cant hide his blush. cursing martin mentally.

‘oh yea um yea i definitely did bit its uh nothing now,’ he chokes out.

-you giggle at his reaction

‘you’re not acting like its nothing now,’ you laugh, looking at him all distraught.

-you laughing calms him, but then makes him 10 times more embarrassed because he doesn’t think you like him back.

-he turns to face you

‘look y/n i did kinda have a crush on you but only for a little bit! i swear its nothing now and everything’s cool and please dont be mad-,’ he rambles on like this for a good minute, trying to lessen the blow of rejection.

‘hamzah.’ you say, again making deep eye contact that makes him nervous.

‘umm yes?’ he says, his voice slightly cracking.

‘have you ever kissed anyone before?’ you ask blushing.

-this throws him wayyyyyy off guard. he’s beet red now, and kinda sweaty lol. he has only ever gotten close to kissing someone, never actually doing it. he’s scared to admit that, but he knows, as a friend, that you wouldn’t judge him.

‘um,’ he coughs, ‘no actually.’

‘can i kiss you?’ you ask boldly, also beet red by this point. you’ve never been so bold with someone in your life.

‘what? um if you want i dunno-,’ he attempts to ramble out of nervousness again but you stop him by putting a hand on his cheek.

-he instantly stops talking to face you, his heart beating out of his chest.

-you slowly move your face closer to his, admiring it as you inch close.

-you softly put your lips to his to test the waters

-his years long pent up emotions come out all at once, and he deepens the kiss.

-its rushed and juvenile but it feels so peaceful.

-you kiss for a beat longer and pull away slowly, his head following yours, not ready for this kiss is to be over.

-be looks you in the eyes and stares for a minute, wondering if you felt the same way the whole time. how could someone like you like him?? you were perfect in his eyes.

‘holy shit’

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

I almost hate how much i switched teams from 2718 to abacus, but its just bc he's new and shiny and pretty and pushy. He stifles autonomy so i know 2817 is better in the long run bc u can reason w him and he puts mcs best interests first. Abacus gives me the kind of vibe that he'd let mc get hurt so long as shes his, and tbh i feel like he might enjoy it? Like he'd like to fix her up and *accidentally* press a lil too hard into her wounds wheras 2718 would just use his abilities so that she wont feel the pain to begin w. That's just my assumption tho given what we've seen. Abacus seem the type to only use his powers thingy to subdue reader.

We know that 2718 has met readers past forms/reincarnation w.e u call it and i originally thought abacus did too. Maybe he was her affair or lover in a previous reincarnation methinks? I just felt like he knows her before. This changed a bit towards the end when they were walkin thru the streets while he was giving her the endoscopy (😮‍💨💦) and we learned just how badly mc is seen. Now im starting to wonder if aba is just greedy n wanted her as his lil disabled spouse genuinely, no past relation. Idk. I still feel like they know each other previously. Or maybe he sensed something abt her back when 2817 brought her in to that place all the way back then. Mc is key to the universe type thing. Doubt that tho.

Neyways i think aba is gnna take her home where he reveals that he not only has four arms, but also two dicks n he's gnna try to fawk her but some event will inconveniently stop him. I also think he lives in an oasis like place, their version of natural wood everywhere, running waterfalls from the cieling, tons of glass that he can mentally control and shatter at will to threaten reader while having a saccharine smile on his face, the works really.

I wnna believe translator(TA) is gnna get 2718 and theyll find mc but now im thinking maybe they might not meet up like that. 2718 might find TA n ditch her to find mc and TA has to scramble to keep up, might even meet her on the way back after 2718 saves the day. Also wondering whts gnna happen to TA bc i dont think anything criminally bad happened to her even tho we heard her screaming. Be real interesting if she were screaming bc 2817 found her and juuuust missed mc and aba. I think when 2718 finds mc and aba they're gnna be familiar w eachother but not fight bc aba is one slippery bastard. Or maybe itll be convenient where aba leaves mc unattended for a bit and someone tries to harm her and then 2718 makes him big appearance, like when mc was first dropped into the world and 2718 saved her. I have more thoughts on that but ive already wrote an essay here and in my other ask 😭

Anywhooo ty fr the chapter, hope your healing well 💕💕💕 -🐰

Damn this sure is a well written essay 😳 its either ur a really good analyst or im just a predictable writer cause it almost seems like u have access to my drafts

Cuase that... Kinda exactly whats gonna happen ngl, its still pretty rough around the edges part 15 is just still in its embryo stage with a 50 word list of whars going to hapoen, but yea it pretty similar to what you just described , havent been writing cause i regained my leg freedom finally and i spent literally every waking hour outside, driving and shit

There is going to be a fawking scene in p15 ill tell u and whoevers reading that. Similar to what you descibe with their anatomy but a little different in sequence of events

Thanks for sending in this ask bunny anon this is so cool and i had a great read ❤️❤️ lovely motivation youve given me and i really appreciatte the essay asks -- like, i appreciate if A LOT actually, thanks for reading language barrier too

[kyoanikis]

⎾ @yeonban​ asked: We've literally Never talked but... my url mayhaps ♡ | send me ur url! | accepting! ✹

Do I Follow Them? | hell yea!

Why Did I Follow Them? | i kept seeing you through mutuals on the dash and i really liked your writing! after reading toshiro’s about/bio i knew i was gonna like him asdfghjk clearly sunny characters are excellent in my book. i was also excited to see someone writing yuichiro!! we got to see so little of him but his impact on the story and muichiro ( who ended up being one of my favorite charas) was so heavy.

Do We Role Play? | not yet! i definitely look forward to writing with you though!

Do I Want To Role Play With Them | hell yeah!!

An AU Idea For Our Muses | duo flame pillars kicking ass! or kyou visiting toshiro in his dreams as a ghost to offer support/guidance as the new flame pillar! kyou meeting yuichirou and immediately adopting him as another little brother that will never get old to me asdfghjkl but also! i love aus! if there are any non-kny muses you would wanna write with kyou im totally down to make an au for them!

A Song For Our Muses | SONGS ARE HARD!! tbh i really couldn’t come up with songs yet!

Do I Ship Our Muses? | kyou i think would totally get along with toshiro, someone who could probably match his energy really well and!! bonding over flame breath style?? hell yea!!! kyou hasn’t ever met someone who he could really just let lose and be kinda dorky about it with at the same level bc he can’t just chat with shinjurou bc they are Complicated! with your other muses kyou is very much the type to try and make friends with pretty much everyone, and i adore friendships for kyou so let! them! be! friends! 

What I Think About The Mun | dude you seem so cool and approachable!! we havent talked ooc before but when i see you ooc on the dash i get the impression that you’re very chill!

Overall Opinion | excellent writer with super cool ocs!! i love to see you on the dash and the work you put into your blog + muses is admirable!

Blog Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

[ace-and-aro-support-group]

Story time

Hey lovelies!

I tried posting a video about this 4 times today but it never worked.

Basically I had some drunk or really tipsy dude hardcore flirt with me. Like so obvious, even I caught onto it immediately. Luckily I was safe, since I was in my apartment parking lot (which is small and right by the road), my neighbors were home, and there were security camera people installing cameras around the corner. And I was fortunate where this guy was honestly pretty respectful for the most part. I was uncomfortable but didn’t necessarily feel threatened because I towered over this guy and was probably much more capable of rational thought and strategizing than he was at the moment.

I was getting groceries out of my car to make the “one trip journey”, and this included holding four gallons of milk on one arm. This guy comes up to me and basically starts going on about how beautiful he thought I was and how he just had to talk to me and how I had a nice “black girl ass” and smile and how I had a beautiful soul and personality (even though this is the first time he met me). I knew he wasn’t quite sober because I could smell alcohol and he was slurring a little, and he had a brown paper bag with a can of some kind of alcohol. I was smiling because I thought the whole thing was pretty amusing but also cause he was saying compliments no one has ever said before. He almost begged to help me carry my groceries and for me to ask him for help with something and I essentially said that I’ve taken care of myself for years and didn’t need help with something like carrying grocerirs. I also obviously didn’t want him going into my apartment. So it kind of went back and forth for a while and I kept being my sassy self which he seemed to enjoy. And at this point it was very obvious what he wanted, and by the way he was acting I could tell he thought I’d fall for his lines. And it was another “you know you’re aro/ace when” moment because nothing he said made me feel anything. No conflicting emotions or “what if’s”, just “I have ice cream that needs to get in the freezer stat”. Then he said it. “You just have such a peautuful a** and a beautiful p***sy” and I tuned him out as he basically was saying how he wanted to have sex, and I double checked my surroundings just in case. It’s important to note that he never got in my bubble, never grabbed me, and never shouted or said anything derogatory. He didn’t even call me a bitch when I rejected him. I told him I was asexual and described what it was. And he said “I bet you I could change that” while trying to lean on the good of my car in a “cool” way. I said no he couldn’t. He said he could. I said that he shouldn’t say that if he wanted me to like him at all. He kind of backtracked and started going on a mini speech about how being black or white didn’t matter to him (he was black and I’m pale like an overflowered tortilla), and racism didn’t matter. I was just thinking how he meant race didn’t matter cause he also said I was a damsel in de stress cause I was steady and honest and holding my ground. I asked him what he thought a damsel in distress was. He said he didn’t know and asked me what I thought it was. I told him what it actually meant and that I was the opposite. He backtracked again cause he used the wrong word.

I don’t know why the spaces are so severe when I post from mobile right now so I’m so sorry about that.

Anyway.

He said he didn’t care about color. I don’t give a shit either. But he was tipsy and flirty with me and saying he wanted to have sex which are all major no nos. After 7 or so attempts to end the conversation I think we parted on a decent note. I told him that next time we talked it would be cool if he didn’t have a drink with him. So he held out a hand for a shake and when I took it he frickin kissed it. More than once. All over my hand with no sign of stopping. I had to apply a little force but I was able to pull my hand back without too much trouble. He kept shouting complements as he walked down the street and I headed to my apartment. Unfortunately he turned to say something as I opened my door so he saw where I lived. I haven’t seen him since and no one has come to the door, but I’ll be making sure everything is always locked. I called my mom when I got inside cause I was uncomfortable. I told her what happened and that I was probably safe, but she said she’d call me later to check on me.

Crossing my fingers that I don’t have another experience like that any time soon and that I’m left alone cause I’ve been watching too many murder mysteries and yea.

So that was my story.

~Amber

[sugardaddyshuu]

Tagged by @kanebisexual​

Age: 18

Birthplace: Georgetown, Tx

Time: 11:55

Drink You Last Had: Wine lmao I’m drunk I got drunk with my parents

Easiest Person To Talk To: Hmmmm.... @kanebisexual​ is a very nice person and very easy to talk to I love them lmao

Also @graciefaace​ is super nice and I love them too, and also @the-languge-of-flowers​ is super duper cool and I love them as well (just assume I love everyone I tag after this lmao) @striderism​ theyre not a tg blog but I thought it was really easy to be myself messaging them even though Ive barely talked to them

Favourite Song:Uhhhhhm... idk maybe right now it’d be primadonna by marina and the diamonds because it reminds me of Shuu? you cannot convince me he doesnt listen to them or the canberries or that their music is not inspired by him despite the fact their music was written before tg was. It just fits him so well lmao

Grossest Memory: Umm... One time I had to clean tiny little baby poops out of a chipotle bathroom when I worked there it was really gross I gagged the whole time lmao

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

In Love: Omg theres so many people I’m “in love” with... First of all Tsukiyama Shuu, OBVIOUSLY, second, this girl I work with, Fallon... Shes such a babe omg shes so sweet and the other day she bumped into me kind of and only our hands touched and she was like “I just wanted to hold your hand <3″ and oH BOY DID I SWOON I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO RESPOND LMAO also my friend Claudia <333 a while back we were hanging out and I was feeling really awkward bc they were all servers and talking about server stuff and I’m a cook and dont really know wtf theyre talking about but she went out of her way to include me and make me and honestly she really reminded me of Hide and I’d always had a crush on her but I fell head over heals for her right then and there lmao.... Theres also this girl I’d just met that honestly I barely know but she messaged me so casually and she was so sweet when she talked to me and made me feel so appreciated I got a lil bit of a crush on her lmao;; She said I was beautiful and I about died. And last but not least theres this guy I work with, Emiliano, and when he first started I had a crush on his cuz he was awkward like me and also lowkey really cute but them this fuckin dipshit manager kevin said some stupid shit to him that made him start looking down on me bc obviously this was his first restaurant job; he had no sense of urgency whatsoever and was completely unaware of his surroundings and after that hed always be side eyeing me through the shift which would really piss me off but it didnt take long for him to realize despite kevin talking shit that one time im good at my job and I work really hard. Especially when hed see kevin coming to me to ask quesions and learning from me bc hes new and didnt really understand the positions at first, and especially after I started training the new prep cooks and he over heard them complaining because “””””its just so much all at once”””””” which yea you have to do a lot all at once, but its not as hard as it seems at first, youll get the hang of it. No one expects you to be amazing at first, prep is just one of those things that every day you do it you find a better way to manage your time and improve. It just gets easier and easier. But yea anyway over time we got closer and closer and now I think I really like him??? Hes such a cutie omg and hes so funny... hes awkward and quiet but once he comes out of his shell hes so cute and funny and sweet... The other day after taking like 5 hits off my friends dab pen I noticed he looks at me a lot when Im not looking and tbh that made me so happy... I like him so much lmao;;

Im the type to get little crushes on a lot of people a lot but these are the people I currently like the most.... Also I love my family and all my friends and alcohol and thc

Jealous of People: Who have no problems controlling their anger. I have to constantly remind myself to calm down, and understand other people pov and that makes me so sad???

Killed Someone: Honestly is there anyone on this site who could honestly say they have? a very small number maybe lmao

Love at First Sight or Walk By Again: Well love is a really strong emotion. Personally, I think love at first site is total bullshit. You cant know someone based on their appearance. You gotta get to know them first. 

Middle name: Alexis

Number of Siblings: 5! Jenny, Alana, Caitlin, Kailey, and Patrick, in order from oldest to youngest! I’m the youngest;;

One Wish: I wish I had a fairy godparent  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Person You Last Called: My sister Kailey. Shes always texting me to call her for some reason...

Question You Get Asked The Most: Probably what school I go to

Song You Last Sang: I think ‘Be Gay’ from Big Mouth? I’m bi but that song is my shit lmfao (I also recently rewatched Big Mouth bc its a great show lol all I’ve wanted to watch lately is F is for Family and Big Mouth but since I finished those all I’ve been watching is The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. which is HILARIOUS btw, if you havent watched it I highly recommend you do, it’s great and apparently Netflix just released some new episodes so!~)

Vacation Destination: Uhhhh idk Corpus??? Or California... Or Colorado... I want a beach and legal marijuana so I guess thats California

Worst Habit: I pick at my face a lot. And cuss a lot... And say ‘lmao’ after pretty much every sentence... 

X-Rays: Um.... Idk I’ve gotten plenty of ultrasounds on my heart bc I have an enlarged aorta if that counts????

Favorite Food: I gotta agree with @kanebisexual Cheesecake is delicious

I tag whoever wants to do this I guess... maybe @decadent--sin ?? I havent tagged them yet lmao

[alienbraces]

I wrote this a few months ago its my first experience with Psych’s that aren’t LSD

i used to get so personal on here i miss that, right now two of my friends are kinda losing their minds.. yes from acid but also because they got lost in the sauce because of this bitch thought tripping 3 times a month for first year with them was totally a good idea i fucking hate the fact that i can see right through people like i meet a load of new people and in 3 weeks cut them off because ive realised they’re trash and their priorities do not match mine at all... 

Musicians are a different breed lets call this guy dani’s lad.. hes in a local band and ive seen him at work once then at this really cool bar when he was with family? Was so strange seeing someone out of their completely drunken state doing normal things.. when we met up with them on friday or Saturday night he handed me what seemed like an expensive guitar and asked me what i can play i played the intro to ‘crystalised’ by the xx. He was impressed and i so badly wanna costume design for them because their style is lowkey punk high key indie and yeah they’re just awesome and their job has helped them travel so much like idk we’ll just have to wait and see..

I've missed Dani and shes moving up here so imma stick by closer friends who don’t do psychs .. they're way more chill and yea i just need to be around people who can handle themselves and their own mind idk. So glad Johns rationality rubbed off on me its the only way i came back from an ETH-LAD trip in november when we were supposed to have the forest rave but had a house party that got shut down in the end.. like we’d been smoking Jerry’s weed (basically skunk no other way to describe this shit) in the old flat so the Eth-Lad was a bit strange to get the hang of  but in retrospect i think im just funny taking any Tryptamine that i havent dealt with before (i likes me my LSD) . ”Anecdotal reports suggest that while it produces similar effects to LSD at low to common doses, it displays a notably divergent effects profile at higher doses, sometimes described as producing "algorithmic" and "warped" visual and auditory distortions, combined with a more "introspective" and "analytical", if not more "neutral" head space.”- Psychonaut Wiki ^^ SO yea this is what im talking about i got really in my head with this drug and at some points i wanted to scream FUCKIGN HELP YOU GUYS!! but when i went to talk to anyone about how i was struggling and thought i was losing it i would stutter.. like i physically couldn't get the words out this was scary and i started to think about how im the mom friend af and it felt like i was sober and everyone was fucked .. tbh i should've just drank because acid makes alcohol taste different and maybe i would've slept but yeah night goes on into day.. we head to other friends house and we’re smoking and chilling and everyone starts to fall asleep and i cant.. i literally couldnt sleep.. the same thing happened with Ket.. i literally could hear cars and doors closing from 3 blocks down.. but yea in the end i decided to super clean the flat and just run around keeping myself busy and my mind at ease the album Jeffrey - Young Thug practically saved me and helped guide me on this intense comedown from ETH-LAD .. CHECK YO DOSAGE KIDS.. also have a trip sitter or someone you can go to their house if you're feeling weird TRIP SAFE MY LOVELIES :*

[stanvicton1109-blog]

Victon’s Last fansign

Hey guys me again with a story from Victon, a lot has happened since the last time I posted about the fansigning. So I attended the last fansiging of the Identity era with some of my victon friends I finally made some Alice friends haha though some are from home. Anyways I met with one of the Alice friends I met here in Korea she is a teacher who lives in here, and she is one cool lady, Sejun biased nice girl. Anyways I met with her while waiting on my home school friends to arrive who was late by the way. I chose my number and I got 80 I kind of need to be like before 40 if I am going to be at a fansign. I realized this, anyways while waiting I just talked to my friend because she switched with someone and sat right next to me. While we were talking we are waving to the memebers who did not have anyone in front of them, I did not wave much I think I only waved to Sejun, Seungsik, Hanse and Subin, I do not clearly remember. But, when I waved to Sejun I shot my hand up like a kid in class trying to ask to go to the bathroom and waved to him he waved back. so  after an hour and a half of waiting it is finallly my turn to go up I waited in line, the staff cheked my album and checked my name and such so they could confirm I am me ( for some reason they were a lot stricter with the id checking that day) I am at the bottom of the stairs two people away, also I forgot to mention  they were 6 that day because Byungchan had caught the flu, and he was not there sadly. As I wait I talk to one of my home school friends I asked to record me since she had a good seat which was 1. Finally I am there up on stage sitting in front of Han Seungwoo the most amazing guy ever

Seungwoo: We say Hi to one another and he starts signing my album he writes to Porscha (yes that is my name) and he is like how do I say this again he does say my name right and I am like Yea in english and he like like Yeahh? I am like yea???? He tells me to say it again and I am like say yea again? he is like yes! I am so confused but I go Yeah yea yeah yeahhhhh yeah yea yea yea yea, and he is like ohhhh my god you are a rapper. I laugh so hard like WHat son oh my god I cannot. we continue our conversation and he asks me what did I do over Chuseok ( Week long Korean thanksgiving) I was like ummm I went to the club, and Seungwoo is shook guys and my myself was like oh my lord what have I done why did I say that, but he asks me where, I told him Hongdae, and he is like WHICH CLUB I am like NB2 and he is even more shocked I am like god take me now he is like ygygygyg I am like lord please take me now and he asks me did I drink whiskey I am like no, he is like what did you drink I am like Vodka and he like wow by this time comes it is time for me to move on to Sejun and while I am moving to Sejun who Yolo’s at me Seungwoo tells him that I went to NB2 and hes like ooooo

Sejun: ohhh how I wanted to die, We say hi to each other he is like soooooo you went to NB2 and I am like yes, he goes into saying how its interesting and how the Dj is in front and the people are like woooo and I  am sitting there like yea.... but how do you know but i didnt ask Sejun was sick so I gave it a pass. He is like earlier I saw you waving at me and showed me how I did it and i mimicked him, we laughed and he asks me something and I am like oh my please I cannot Korean right now and he figures and grabs my wrist shakes it and he asks me about the comeback that did I enjoy their promotions and I say yes, he say like thanks for coming all this time and seemed really genuine about it, we say bye and I move to chan and while I am moving to chan he tells Chan that I went to NB2 chan shake his head like yea then looks at my album and is like WAIT WHAT?!

Chan: Chan asks me did I go to NB2 and I was like yes, he asks me when and I like Saturday and Sunday, I say two nights he is like wowwww, I shook Chan then he changes to another topic did I mention that Chan is an angel sent from heaven and that I love him if I havent then I am now. He asks me about school he is like you are a student right I am like yes, he is like you are here for a long time I am like yes and he asks me where my university is I tell him Dongdaemun and that I go to University of Seoul he is like wowww. then he goes on to another topic like that the promotions are over and I answer yes.... and he is like oh no sad right I am like yes *makes sad face* and he copies me and tells me to come for next promotions, and I am like of course we say our goodbye’s and I move on to Hanse

Hanse: I seriously feel bad about how me and him interact when my mind wants to be an ass and not understand Korean. Hanse does not speak english at all the members before him mostly spoke korean but when I did not speak back or understand they tried to english a bit and it had not helped I had not spoken Korean like at all for over a week. While he spoke I shook my head ys but he asked me a question that I didnt know how to answer and it still was quiet he asked again and I was like uhhh I still do not know what you are saying honey, so he asked me about the promotions and I answered and I was like yes then he like told me by I feel so bad like seriously hanse I am so sorry I love you you know this thinking back I think he asked me did I go home over chuseok but I will never know. He tells me thank you for coming and to come again often. then I move on to Seungsik

Seungsik: We say our hello’s and he immediately tells me that Hanse and I have similar shirts on and I am like oh really, and he says Neon Style. My shirt is is bright yellow and Hanse’s shirt is highlighter green and they were both long sleeves, anyways Seungsik starts signing my album and im like wow m baby in my head. when he looks up he says something and I try my hardest to try and answer and I just shake my head and he says something about being there and for the 3rd album promotions and I am like yes, and he asks me if I enjoyed the promotions and thank you for coming all this time, and I say yes and he says you will come for 4th promotions and I am like yes we hi five at some point and I move on to Subin.

Subin: Oh my baby my son that savage maknae is learning. He tells me hello and I say hi, he signs my album and asks me have I been well and I am like Yes I have been well, and he asks me what have done over chuseok and I am like I slept ( I learned from earlier)  he laughs and said we are similar hehehehe, because we slept during Chuseok which leads him to ask me about school its kind of slipped my mind what he said last about school but I think I responded with what school I go to he then writes a message in my book. He told me to study harder at Korean and I read it and I felt kind of offended I know Korean quiet well but I translate in my mind so slowly that it feels like I do not know Korean the dissrespect but I will try harder. Thank you Subin for the encouragment

The end of it came soon after and the fansign ended after 10pm they had to go soon after they talked for about 10 minutes and then they left. when I finished my turn I like sunk down into my chair to hide the shame and I wanted to fade into nothingness but none the less it was fun and I love Victon still and I am sure they thing I am a real weirdo and that I am insane but I hope they think well of me since I am really in love with them as a whole :D I am getting better at talking with them though I have to work on my talking with Hanse I belive it will get better

[frankthewest]

Nebula, eclipse, comet, saturn, andromeda, satelite

Neblua : put your itunes on shuffle, give me the first 5 songs that pop upDriving through the max (F-Zero x guitar arranged soundtrack)Come on ghost - the pillowsSilent Heaven - akira yamaokaMoving on - salon musicNagisa Night - salon music 

Eclipse : what are you when you are happy?I feel my eyes have a glow and i smile a lot more (i dont smile that much) and i get more talkative (dont talk that much) and am more positive and dont use my horrible kill myself jokes as much.

Comet : do you like the person that you’ve become?Kind of??? like hey i like that i do make a lot of people happy, loved, and safe but i still have to much self doubt on myself and 0 motivation to do anything really. i feel like im in a void like all the time so yea i guess i dont like how i am right now then. (sorry for the downer answer......)

Saturn : What do you think about before you fall asleep?tbh my best friend emily because i love her a lot and shes one of the best people ive met. she makes me feel really happy like today when we hung out and safe also. i love her so much. (emily better not read this lol)

Andromeda : describe your 1st best friendHis name is tim and he was the biggest nerd i knew in elementary school. he was so cool and nice and just made our little friend group laugh in recess. i made our group of 4 zach bell spell books so we can pretend we were in the anime lmfao. we stopped talking after elementary because he moved but he seems to be doing fine so im happy for him.

satellite : when was your 1st kiss?2020 (never kissed anyone yet. im 22 and still havent had my 1st kiss? what a lameo i am lol)

thank you for the ask and i love your blog~ 

[dilfhakyeon-moved]

yO i was abt to write to you abt the new modc ep (what's going on with the weird cuts at the beginning jcbjfbjb im crying) but i saw your post so!!!! tell me abt your dream bro i wanna hear abt it!!!!!! -✨

OH I HAVENT SEEN IT YET RIGHT I FORGOT IT CAME OUT TODAY!!! Let me watch it then we can talk abt it !!

And well my dream is pp long so bear w me 😔 i don't have the 'read more' function on mobile so i apologise in advance for everyone who comes across this !! I'll edit the 'read more' into it when I can 😊 ( i hav edited it hehehehe )

SO . actually there are several parts to this dream and I woke up between the first two parts but ... YEA.

At first I was home but a cat had gotten inside my house, I already had two cats ( my current cat and the one that will have died one year ago exactly tomorrow... yes five days after my birthday december is a cursed month for me. but if u wanna know abt him just search 'tchoupi' on my blog ) and I don't think my girl was okay w that new cat ? also new cat looked wonky sjhsjsh ? I wasn't sure abt its behaviour bc it seemed like it cld get irritated fast. In the end my mother told me to throw it out so I did against my will but when I saw it walk away... it had a missing leg.... I was like oh shit dude no come back... so I went and opened the front door and it came back running !!! I couldn't leave it like that w/o food if it already was incapacitated in a way. so that was my new cat. everything ends well ( I'm pp sure I forgot a part of that part but it's not the one I'm interested in )

SECOND PART... THE CÅSTLË. i was in a castle that was more medieval than renaissance styled or whatever the fuck i didnt study architecture but yes this. it had a courtyard with a fountain and that courtyard had a beautiful view on The Unknown ( aka fields and forests and stuff yknow just. The view ) but there were also bridges ( not the rock kind the "we use it in movies to make a character dramatically fall after the villain cut the rope" kind ) and little paths to go to The Unknown. there was a built-in church ( not a christian but i guess that was a smart choice given most attendees were fire emblem characters and they were definitely christians ) and also stables i guess ? but the front stables were empty and i didn't get to see the actual stables. the front stables had a pathway going around them ( there was a front stable on the left and on the right, with the courtyard being a little pushed back ? like if you left the end of the stable pathway you were already past the courtyard )

so now picture all ot this but suddenly the sky is super dark and everything is grim and gloomy. like a typical halloween movie. everything that was neat feels now worn out and the pathways are definitely scary, nobody wants to go there !

i was looking for my friends ( aka mercedes from fire emblem three houses ) but somehow couldn't find them, a fight broke out between ingrid and annette ( also fire emblem three houses ) and i don't like rich horse girls nor do i like racists so i was about to beat ingrid's ass. this big dude comes in and threatens me so i scold him and he and ingrid both go away. i win. i talk to more people but they're all acting weird except annette i guess. whatever weirdos i'm out

next i keep looking, but now i'm not alone - i'm not sure of whether it's a real presence or just a spirit until the end of this sequence where this boy tells me where to go and what to do to fix things a little, so i go into both stable pathways and end up being possessed twice ( demonic possession isn't as bad as they tell you i turned out fine ) so when the boy tells me where to go next i'm like "are we getting possessed a third time ?" he chuckles. ( i am gay so that was cute )

but we don't get any time to do that third thing ! we get out of the pathways and everyone is planning to go fight whatever is beyond The Unknown ! i look at the boy and awake me now pictures him as kraam from the stranded. cool i have a nice partner in crime i'm okay with that. the others leave, there's a lot of them but a second group is getting ready ! so kraam-but-not-quite grabs my arm firmly but like he doesn't hurt me or anything and we start going into The Unknown as well. im like hey wtf do we do now. and he tells me oh these two groups are going mad that couldn't be us let's go find the stray kids ( awake me now realises this is ~cringe~ but dream me was like whoa a solitary group of ppl who fight bigger evils ! BC YES THAT WAS WHAT SKZ WERE DOING IN THIS DREAM but i never met them ) so we can join forces w them and defeat these ppl. i look back. i see the second group from afar bc they have torches. im like wow this is like beauty and the beast.

something happens, idk what, but kraam starts running ! i'm a slow runner so i thought oh fuck not again but i ran after him anyway, the next bit is us running through a sort of jungle ( the sky is clear again ) and like its CRAZY i fucking loved that bit bc WOO ADVENTURE !! ( im a sagittarius )

then we slip between two trees' leaves and end up in a facility. we keep running bc if we stay there We Will Die. suddenly i am slowed down ( which leads me to believe before that he was holding my wrist but released my wrist when he slipped between the trees ) but he checks on me which i appreciate because that means he would rather die with me than survive without me, romance luv

his father ! the bastard. tries to kiss me in front of his mother. im like lmao dude thats disgusting die n go to catholic hell. i push him away and tell him off, he gets pissed but i cant go look for kraam bc his brothers r telling me abt how we're gonna go on a road trip. im like ? the world is abt to end tho ? but apparently my dream rly wanted a drama plot so fine.

his brothers have, allegedly, caught on to an alleged potential relationship between us. no im not gonna complain abt it im lonely and sad and gay so my dream fills in for me. theyre talking abt how theres not enough room for all of us in the van unless i sit on kraam for the trip but they ( specifically the one brother who oddly reminds me of dbk rain ) somehow make it into a sexual joke ? being me tho i didnt get it KSBSKDH... they were like talking abt legs ?? i remember it was abt how it wouldnt work with smth with four legs 'unless i could go with three' and like i dont even know what the hell that was supposed to mean we're talking abt a van not a horse ygwim ?

idk if i woke up after that but my brain did picture both me complaining to kraam abt his dad doing that and him getting quietly angry and just telling me to not come close to him again just in case hed try it again AND the beginning of the 'road trip' where i was indeed using kraam as a seat. and i was sleeping bc idk maybe i was tired from the running ! i hope my next dream is the continuation bc boy that was a whole drama episode

also i gave up and started calling him just kraam but it wasnt kraam ofc he just had kraams face from what i remember ! but he wasnt kraam at all

[bucephaly]

litcherally shawn james is the only musician i recommend to people but you already know what's up 😔 he's just a very sweet man and has given me lots of hugs and remembered me every time i've met him, on top of the whole voice situation he's got. dunno if you ever listened to his side project, shawn james and the shapeshifters, but it's a little more intense and also very good!

YEA i love his voice so much!! He seems really cool, thats so neat that he recognized you! 

and noo i havent listened to the shapeshifters, ill see if i can add them to my rotation! i liked the little ive heard so far! thanks o/

[tmntl0verthings]

Textual Contact

chapter 3 × feat. Michelangelo

Y: hey ^>^

R: sup shortstack

Y: nm tallstack

R: thats horrible..

Y: wut?

R: tall stack? Really? Whered u learn that. School for the uncreative

Y: hey!

R: hey 😄

Y: 😒

R: so whats up?

Y: nm honestly. Im in gym.

R: And?

Y: its boring. U run around inside a room with smelly boys and snotty girls

R: its good for you

Y: shaddup

R: lol

Y: wbu?

R: im chillin. My second work out starts in 10 minutes.

Workout schedule: 6am-10am-3:00pm-7:30pm

Y: and where does training come into play?

R: whenever dad schedules it

Y: oooooh tell me about ur dad. Plz.?

R: uugh ur soooo wantttyyyyy

Y: yes..yes i am

R: lol well hes old, we were all orphans and he took us under his wing. Hes really been there for all of us. Even if we arent blood related.

Y: wow. Didnt see that coming. At all.

R: XD

Y: thats really sweet of him. So like what? U guys lived on the streets. Or orphanage's?

R: well we were just babies at the time so I dont remember

Y: oh alright

R: wbu. I dont know anything about you and im just spilling my guts

Y: ewwww!!

R: what

Y: thats so graphic! Omg the imagining in my head right now. -barfs- 😷😦

R: Lol so?? Tell me.

Y: well i live in bronx and Ivd been here for the last 8 years. I moved when i was just a girl. Life has been alright. I could do without the cat calling from guys. Its pathetic. I dabble in art sometimes. Only when im in the mood. I go to school (duh). I; just like any girl love to cook and bake. I just got into yoga.

R: nice. So what can u bake me?

Y: bake u? Like.. for u?

R: yeah

Y: practically anything. But i wanna see this ✌family✌ first.

R: quotes? really? Make me sound like a liar. Whats wrong wit' chu.

Y: well mmeehhhhh to u too grumpy

R: pfft 😝😝

Y: hey i gotta go. Gym teacher is walking my way.

R: mk

~3 hours later~

M: hheey gurrrlll

Y: lol nm. Wbu raphie kins

M:..are u raphs secret girlfriend or something. Cause only i call raph stuff like that.

Y: 😐 who is dis? Isnt this raphs account.

M: yeah im that kind of brother. So what's ur name sweetcheeks??

Y: y/n

M: ooh Mikey Likey.

Y: mikey? That's ur name

M: well my name is much longer so ppl call me mikey.

Y: oooohh. OH u must have a renaissance name too!

M: bingo

Y: whats ur whole name

M: eehhhh idk if i wanna tell you. Ur kiinndaaa short.

Y:....wut

M: ur kinda short

Y: well ur kinda weird

M: why thank you (Casinova voice)

Y: 😳

M: so tell me. How did u meet leo and then raph?

Y: leo texted me first by Accident thinking i was someone named april. Then leo used raphs phone which led me to talking to raph.

M: makes sense. So u like to bake?? I love baking! Im trying to make my own dish but i cant seem to get any right.

Y: oooh~ whats ur dish?

M: well it tends to vary. I tried to make a carrot lasagna. Failed ✖ Marble pancakes. Something went wrong there. ✖ I tried making chocolate covered asparagus. Failed✖

Y: oo so ur going all out?

M: yea.

Y: maybe i could help. Maybe i could finally meet ur family.

M: oh~ um. I dont think dad would like that. He doesnt like new ppl.

Y: but everyone loves me 😃😃😗

M: lol that may be true (idk) but i shouldnt disobey.

Y: ur family is very different from others ive met. Its like ur hiding. U guys dont go to a public school. Ur home schooled. U cant share ur 'Training' with me.

M: ..well its complicated. But lets not talk about that.

Y: but i want tooooooo

M: nu

Y: yeash

M: nu nu

Y: fine.. what do u do for hobbiez??

M: well i love gaming. I read comics. I guess u could say knunchucks are my passion. I use them everyday. I love movie nights OH and pizza friday. Llovveeeee pizza. Im sometimes my older brother's assistant. He's a nerd. Hes all sciency and stoof. Oh and im a drummer

Y: knunchucks!  😵😵 Wow bro. ..just wow. Thats awesome! Thats a ninja weapon right?

M: yea. But i live by a non-assassin code.

Y: wait... Is ur guyses training.. is it ninjitsue????!😱😱

M: ...nu

Y: awe. I was all excited for nothing

M: lol

Y: so whatcha doin

M: texting u during training

Y: lol so u stole raphs phone?

M:😈😈

Y: lmao so whats going on during training?

M: raph and don are in one team while Im on the other team with lameanardo.

Y: lmao ppl dont like leo?

M: hes like Secondary dad

Y: really? I havent noticed. Like legit havent noticed. No sarcasm in this.

M: lol well if u really knew him. Youd understand.

M: i gotta go. Leo and splinter are on my butt about me on raphs phone.

Y: Lol figured raph would be more on u than the others.

M: lol tru. Ttyl

Y: kk

~since its after school and ur at home. U decided to go for a walk with earbuds.

You clicked ur earbuds into the headphone jack and grabbed a pop tart before u left ur parents apartment. You opened the door to fell a perfect autumn breeze in the cool air. You slipped on your light blue sweater with dark blue lining. Your (hair brushed out/hair in a pony tail.) You locked your door and started walking. You walked around for 40 minutes. Your elbow got caught on the wire of your headphones making them pop out of your ears. You Ughed as you tried putting them back in. You stopped when you heard a trashcan lid fall. You froze as you looked down the sunset shadowed alleyway. You narrowed your eyes adjusting your vision. You saw something trying to stand still but you saw it move just a little as it was breathing. Your eyes grew wider in fear. you continued walking but then turned around to look at the alley one more time to make sure u werent imagining it. You didnt see anything. You felt something touch your ankle. You screeched with a jump back as you looked down to see a taby cat. You exhaled as you then looked up to see it was getting dark. A "let me out im stuck in your pocket" notification tone went off. You looked down to see Leo texted you. you answered his text as you walked away from the alley. Up above on a fire escape crouched over in the alley was someone watching you answer the text with their green eyes. They narrowed as they watched you walk.

L: hey

Y: aye 😀

L: whatcha doin?

Y: just walking around ny wbu

L: same

Y: maybe ill bump into you 😎

L: doubt it XD we're looking down at our phones.

~you laughed out loud by an apartment Leo was ontop of. Leo looked over the edge to see a girl on her phone. As she texted

Y: lol so tru

L: so where are you anyways?   ~ leo heard a Let me out of your pocket notification from down below. He looked back down at the girl still standing there

Y: Im at est. N' broadway

L: ohh i see.

~ he heard the notification tone once again. He rose a brow at this point.

Y: wbu??

L: im no where near u ~leo lied considering thats exactly where he was~

Y: im getting hungry. Ooh i see s hotdog stand! Yaassss!!

L: lol

~leo saw the girl go and get a hotdog from Oscars dogs

His eyes widened realizing he practically met you at this point. "Dude is it time to go home yet??" Mikey whined "yea no kidding. Im tired." Donnie joined in as he held his shoulder in his grasp as he moved his arm in three huge circles. "yea; you guys can go. Im gonna stay behind." Leo told them. Raph just arrived to the roof after his run. "sorry. Someone almost saw me." Raph explained. "leo said we're done for the day." Raph looked over at leo looking over the edge. He walked over to his brother and looked down. "ooh-ho-ho your stalking a girrrllll." Raph pointed out as he stood tall and confidentiality. Leo stood up from "i am not! Im just seeing if this girl is who i think she is." Raph rose a brow with his arms crossed. Leo rolled his eyes "fine im kinda stalking her." "Why??" Mikey asked. "I think its the girl ive been talking to. Also raphs been talking to." "Also me." Mikey included himself. "how come i havent met her??" Don asked feeling left out. "well i stole raphs phone to talk to her." Mikey explained.

Y: okay got my weener! 😂

Leo looked down at his phone. "oh shes texting u right now??" mikey asked enthused. "Maybe.." leo answered without looking at mikey and his brothers as he texted you. "Ooohh let me see!" Mikey tried swiping it from leos hands to only let leo dodge. Don slipped it out of his fingers as he blocked leo with his bo staff twirling in front of leo blocking him. "sorry my brothers are distracting me." Don read aloud. "give it back!" Leo demanded as he tried grabbing it from his tall brother. Looking completely short compared to his little brother. Leo stopped As he huffed annoyed at his brother as he scrolled through the convo. Leo then Drew his sword and whacked his brother on the wrist with the handle. The phone dropped out of his grasp and leo swooped down with his hand and saved it.

Y: ??

L: sorry my brother took my phone away as a joke cause hes a Jackass.

Leo typed as he spoke aloud everyone what he was typing. "a jackass huh?" Don rose a brow as he crossed his arms "yes. Now im leaving to somewhere else. Where u cant bother me." "Dude. We know where u live. We can take the phone any time we want." Mikey informed him. Leo flaunting his phone as he said " i can hide my phone." He smirked and then jumped to the next building. he lost you. His brother's distracted him for too long.

Y: so whatcha doin?

L: just walking around still. Wbu

Y: oh just walking home. My stomach doesnt feel to Good. That hot dog didnt agree with me at all.

L: sue em'

Y: lol no ty. Idk why but i really wanna go to an art museum or something. Weirdest craving ever.

L: lmao well imma head home. Ttyl y/n 🤓

Y: 😊😎

[parkinglothater]

tagged by @loser-dot-com u were top suggested when i typed “@” do u feel special

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 10 people.

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Apple Juice????  2. Phone call: WEll a cute guy asked to call me and im gonna go with that bc i havent called anyone in years 3. Text message: To Ari: “Also Mama is a song by MCR and I’m too emo to get over that”in reference to the EXO song Mama 4. Song you listened to: Currently listening to Wolf by EXO, Ive falen into the fandom 5. Time you cried: While I was kissing Hot Guy mentioned above cause we were both really emotional that night 

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: not technically 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I mean idk, sometimes I regret ever kissing anybody but  8. Been cheated on: no thank goodness 9. Lost someone special: yeah 10. Been depressed: I’m depressed right now 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: not yet

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: purple, pink, and blue like the sunset

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yeah 16. Fallen out of love: nope  17. Laughed until you cried: hell yeah 18. Found out someone was talking about you: my goodness yes 19. Met someone who changed you: U cant meet people here but yeah ive changed 20. Found out who your friends are: yeah 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I dont have facebook

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: my facebook is nonexistent 23. Do you have any pets: A big ol’ bub named Bear, hes a Boxer Mastiff mix and i love hi more than myself, and a tiny bup Coco, 24. Do you want to change your name: Yea I dont really feel like Caitlyn or Renee really fit me but I also dont know what name does 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I took bread to band as a treat bc bc I dislike cake  26. What time did you wake up: imma say 11:30am but really it was 1:45pm 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sending memes back and forth with Hot Guy

28. Name something you can’t wait for: getting out of this horrible place  going to all the tourist-y places in California in a few weeks

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 3 hours ago when we ate dinner 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: either having a bit more money or at least having a house of our own 31. What are you listening right now: Parallel by Heffron Drive, i need softer music if im gonna sleep b4 3am 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Tommy? He’s pretty cool  and like 3 people I know like him

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: myself not knowing whats happening to me and being expected to just go with the flow  34. Most visited Website: Youtube

LOST QUESTIONS.

35. Mole/s: none 36. Mark/s: I have a little kinda feather shaped birthmark on my chest and a teeny tiny heart on my thigh 37. Childhood dream: to have a room of my own 38. Hair Color: kinda gold brown I’d say 39. Long or short hair: ive grown it out so it reaches my shoulders now so whatever you count that as 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Yeah and its kinda working out????? 41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes  42. Piercings: 2 holes in each ear soon to change hopefully 43. Bloodtype: no one tells me these things 44. Nickname: Ren 45. Relationship status: i dont really know what to call it at this point 46. Zodiac: Capricorn 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: Shadowhunters hell yeah 49. Tattoos: I dont have any yet but i want a whole bunch 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: nope 52. Hair dyed in different color: i wish 53. Sport: what is sport??? 55. Vacation:  Spain is so pretty, or Italy, Vegas, NY 56. Pair of trainers: listen ive had the same pair of Converse for 4 years they will get me thru everything

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating Currently: nothing 58. Drinking currently: nothing 59. I’m about to: text someone about some Important Stuff or sleep 61. Waiting for: freedom from this prison  62. Want: some weed??? idk a whole bunch of things im kinda needy 63. Get married: not really I dont see a point in tying myself to someone  64. Career: my lame ass thinks i can make money being a makeup artist

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: hugs all the way 66. Lips or eyes: both are so attractive but eyes

67. Shorter or taller: taller

68. Older or younger: older

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Abs are so hot sign me the fuck up

71. Sensitive or loud: Loud I guess???

72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: no

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i am the worst when it comes to not losing things, I havent seen my glasses in months

77. Turned someone down: Yeah

78. Sex in the first date: technically no

79. Broken someone’s heart: i think i mightve but i cant be sure

80. Had your heart broken: Let me tell u this bitch.

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: no, no one close to me has ever died, and i normally repress any negative feelings so

83. Fallen for a friend: yeah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: not at all

85. Miracles: Yeah

86. Love at first sight: seems like lame fairy tale shit 

87. Santa Claus: yeah

88. Kiss in the first date: totally

89. Angels: yeah

OTHER:

90. Current best friends’ names: irl: Ari, Sarah, Morgan, Emily?????

91. Eyecolor: technically Hazel but really more of a green

92. Favorite movie: Im a sucker for Titanic

Oh yeah im supposed to tag ppl @lonelyspacelover @queennhowell @phichit-af

[sugas-sweetheart]

hihiii

ooooh im glad you had funnn!

oh yk i plan on getting more peircings too! currently i have the basic lobe ones so i wanna get upper lobe piercings, maybe one industrial or helix and a nose too??? but ive heard these two hurt a lot n my skin is kinda sensitive?? (i got my current piercing after 3 tries?? like the first time i lost the earing they give you so it healed up OVERNIGHT?! , the second time it got infected and we actually went there a 3rd time but i was like nO and then finally the 4th time, i got them, they got infected again, so my mom did some natural magic and put neem leaf sticks in it etc n it healed up :D)

sis, fear of needle things here too 😔 i have sToRieS and not just from when i was a wee lad and had the right to throw a fit🙂 rip to all the doctors who have to face me and either give me a shot (vaccine oml,,,thats so scary because of the way they jAB it into ur arm, but so necessary too,,,no pain no gain🙏) or have to put eye drops in my eye LMAO augygdfg

n fav character,,,hmmmm well there's LEVI (fun story, before starting aot i literally saw Levi EVERYwhere, hence, i assumed that he was the main character and made a stupid pact with myself not to like him *that* much cause well, everyone liked him lmao,,,i failed :')), Armin (tho i didn't like him as much at the start tho but after i started to admire him much more:/), Jean, Sasha, HANGE, ERWIN n uhhh yea 🥰

i just really really like the dynamic the scouts have with each other (squad 104 n Eren's squad specifically) too <3

n the scenes with maneuver gear in them?? bruhhh its so cool wtf I WANNA ODM GEAR THROUGH THE TREES TOO

also, bruh i still have to watch fruits basket too :') so much to do, so little time 😥 (i would talk more but my asks reach to epic lengths n im so sorry for that n i also dont want to accidently give you spoilers </3)

anyways, goodnight sof <33 (or,,,future gn lmao its night for me,,,but instead of blissful dreams the only thing i'll have is a migraine from all the physics i have left because i cannot time management at ALL😭💔)

sweet dreamsss <3 dont let the bed bugs bite<3 ❤🥰

Just going to add a cut so that my response doesn’t clog dash 😭

AHH INDUSTRIALS AND HELIXES I love them sm I HAVENT EVEN HAS MY LOBES DONE LMAO I really want them done but now that I’m older and have a weird thing with needles I just <\3 I keep thinking about it and I’m like “just do it” and then I chicken out <\3 it sounds kinda rough having yours done like four times, jeez I hope any other piercings you get heal up okay <3 industrials hurt more usually I think bc of the angle they pierce at and bc it’s two holes of course

Getting vaccines stresses me out sm too!! I enjoy sciences so of course in bio we’ve learnt about vaccines and how they work so the actually vaccine doesn’t stress me out IDK WHAT IT IS ABOUT THE NEEDLE PART. THEY JUST MAKE ME LIKE AHDKANDK

The Levi thing as well omg. When I first tried watching aot like two years ago I was like?? Wheres levi??? Honestly I’m scared to meet him bc same. I feel like I don’t want to like him but I probably will end up liking him anyway idk I haven’t met him properly yet so there’s still hope for me to not fall for him 🧎‍♀️ armin seems sweet so far!! I’m still learning names so I can’t match faces to everyone else atm :’) THE GEAR DOES LOOK SO COOL THOUGH LIKE THE END OF EP 3(? MIGHT BE 4) WHEN EREN FINALLY GETS THE HANG OF IT IT LOOKS SO COOL.

Fruits basket is so good so far!! I just binged eight episodes and they’re all so pretty I’m <3 im also watching it in dub though so I’ll get through it quicker than the shows I’m watching sub lmao

I hope you sleep well and that physics wont be too hard on you lmao <3

[yumenosakiacademy]

metr0con 2019 saturday diary

cosplayed/breakfast: same as the other 2 diaries. snack: a twin kitkat.

my eyes only, buckaroo. for future me.

can i b real w u i waited until 3 am to type this n a lot (esp from panels/early in the day) is HELLA fuzzy!!! sry! ;w; also it’s like. 4 am as im typing this n im not in the mood to write a diary! recalling everything is tiring, yknow? n i need to go to bed ghh... anyway!!

we left late bc i couldnt decide who to cosplay n i arrived late :(( anyway, it hadnt been 5 minutes there when i dropped my plastic purple heart ring i had from the dentist n i was so sad :( but i went to the bn-ha panel n i dont remember a lot of it sry. i remember iida wore a giant floppy sunhat that said Sunny Vibes on it tho n momo wore a black n white striped dress w sunflowers!

After this was cafe-stuck and it was fun! everyone kept calling jade a furry n i asked nepeta if she’d ever seen Nyan Neko Sugar G!rls to which she said no n someone asked her if she’d heard of/seen nek0para n she said she’d heard of it but it was “a bit.. too Extreme/Much for me.....” and someone asked the group (vriska, jade, john, dave, nepeta, tavros, aradia) why they were doing this and they said it was equius’ and john’s (i think?) prank that got way too out of hanf bc kanaya made the outfits for reals. someone asked vriska if she was a furyr cuz she had a spidersona and throughout the panel vriska and tavros kept talking abt how vriska took away his legs/him not having any. i asked the aradia n vriska if they’d work good together to make a good hall0ween themed cafe if this cafe were real n they were like “what’s hall0ween?” n the others told them it was a holiday that had candy n dead bodies n stuff! n someone asked abt who has the least human rights or just rights in general n john was like “jade u dont rights, ur an animal” n jade was like “trans rights”.

i decided to skip the d-dlc panel bc i didnt rly wanna write poetry cuz i do that at home n i dont rly care abt theories n discussing stuff like that so! i went walking around the dealers room n stuff. my crown actually came off at this time n i remember feeling like my crown had fallen off bc i thought i heard the mini whoosh it makes when it falls down but when i looked behind me, it wasnt there so i checked the aisles nearby n it wasnt there so i assumed someone had snatched it off my head but after a lot of walking, i found it half-underneath a con table w black tablecloth?? so i picked it up n went to the cosplay help desk and the guy safety-pinned it to my wig so i was all good to go!!

after that, i tried to look around to see if i could find any ens-tars cosplayers bc the meerup but i didnt see any so i was like oh well whatever im going to the LL panel anyway. so i went to the aki hana panel n i have videos of it! so im not rly gonna talk abt it. they played kings game there tho and “who’s most likely”! they said “who’d like an!mal crossing the best” n my immediate thought was rin so i raised my hand but the answer they had thought of was kotori, which actually makes much more sense haha. they said my answer was valid tho. i still got candy for answering! anyway the punk set ruby next to me ended up being the hifumi from yesterday that gave me the flower tin n they said it was nice to see me again n i said i wasnt able to go to the ES meetup bc i was only told when it was, not where it was, n they said that Eri/Eli (?) 9im guessing that was the host of the meetup) had to cancel it n i went oh. at the end of the panel i received a kotori pic! also a girl dressed up as a witch complimented my tsukasa outfit n i knelt down n said “thank you, princess” or smth i was like “i had a ring that i was gonna use to like. pretend to give to pretty girls but.. i lost it” n they seemed flattered but we parted ways!

after this was the aqours panel n the hanamaru did a dance n the you also did one but then they started playing the p0cky game n Headphones n i got kind of bored so i left n i heard “tsukasa!” n it was the jakurai from yesterday (that told me abt the meetup) dressed as mao in a yukata w their friend as oni ritsu n they looked so good! the jakumao apologized saying the meetup was cancelled. i think we talked for a sec then i went to go check out the rw-by q n a n it was a whole lot of roasting from the audience haha bc they did questions one at a time (ex: questions for yang, now questions for blake...) n i asked yang how she gets her hair so nice n she went “...nice?” w an unbelieving laugh/tone then they moved on n i was confused but oh well! they asked summer how she felt abt sloppy seconds bc taiyang n how taiyang’d feel abt a 3rd wife n nora got asked how many pancakes she could eat at a time n she was like “how much time do ya have?” n after the qna they started playing a weird game n it was rly boring so i left but the panel was almost over anyway. 

after i left i ran into a ramuda n they recognized me as tsukasa n they’re into ES n they said they hadnt watched the anime yet n they were surprised to see valkyrie in it bc they thought they werent gonna b but they said they hope the anime doesnt butcher shhu bc they like shu n know a lot of ppl hate shu n stuff. we talked abt the ES cosplayers at the con for a bit n i told them abt the ritsu+mao cosplayers n we had anice time talking n they said they rly liked rabits n i was like oh dude me too!! “i havent met anyone who hates ryu-seitai. like, Good.” n they were like “how could you hate ryu-seitai, they all wanna b nice n make friends” n i was like “yea mayb except midori” there was more but yea! i also ran into the witch girl n her friend from earlier bc they went “tsukasa!!!” n her friend (cosplayin smth from hn-k) showed me they had/got a leo plush n i was like “OH MY GOD. HE’S FINALLY BEEN FOUND!! HOLD ON CAN WE HAV A PIC W IT” so we took a pic of the leo plush beside my “where is leo??” sign like!! hell yea! n i was like “leo needs to pay child support. he’s evading his taxes. tax fraud” or smth around this point i think. at some point, on the escalators, i noticed a juto n a samatoki but when they got off the scalator they were heading for the exit so i couldnt rly ask for their pic so i decided to try n find em later.

then i went to the bn-ha panel but it was full to the BRIM but i made the mistake of sliding into the middle of an empty row for a good seat but the prson sat in front of me had big poofy hair so i couldnt see like half of the characters n ppl filld all the seats to my left n right so i couldnt leave. i was rly bored n trapped so i went on my ipad for almost all of thepanel n read part of a chiana/zu fic n stuff until the girl w the big hair left then i focused a Little more on the panel but i was still bored so wehn i noticed the ppl to my right all leave except the one guy next to me, i left the panel. i was sad bc at the time of that panel, there was a DR murder mystery panel that i couldve tried to attend instead but i was trapped so i couldnt :((

after that i decided to wander around for a bit before idolfest but when i went in at 5 pm, i 4got just how small that room was n how few chairs it had, n there were ppl standing against the walls so i leaned my sign against the right of the double doors BUT I LOOKED AHEAD N THERE WAS!! A HYPM!C PERFORMANCE STARTING TO HAPPEN!! DIVISION RAP ANTHEM WAS STARTING UP N MTR WAS ON THE STAGE!! but there were tall ppl standing in front of me n i was crowded against the back so i raised my ipad way above my head n started recording n watched them thru my ipad util someone opened the right door n i had to scramble tog rab my sign n lean it against me somehow n it made my fildiming falter but!! god i was just so exciting bc i wasnt expecting A HYPM!C PERFOAMNCE!! they did so good too ;w; after that, it was a solo hanayo perfoamnce then 3 songs from a non-anime-specific idol group that did 3 voca songs (one of which was LUVVVORATORY!!) n another non-anime dol group that did kpop songs (they were rly pretty n good) n then a you solo then a you/hane duet! ALSO during the hypm!cperformance, te juto n sama n a gentaro were dancing in front of me n right after the perfoamcne, a BB group opened the door but realized they missed the hypm!c performance n left n i decided to try n find em later too. 

after the last performance, there was still time, so a samus came over to me n asked to take a pic of my sign n they said they like ens-tars too n they said they cosplay tsukasa too n they ran a panel as him back in georgia n we talked abt best boys n i showed them all the keychains on my bag n when i pointed at mika n said 2nd best boy they went “:o me too!” n there was a lot more said but we went on talking for a while abt ens-tars n they showed me pics of the tori n arashi cosplayers that day they saw. 

after that i just walked around for like 45 minutes until the samus saw me again n waved me over so i was talking w them n they were apparently drinking alcohol despite being 18 n their friend was 23 n we were just talking abt stuff n i noticed a trigger group on the escalator n we called out to them n i took their picture n samus was like “dude it’s so cool that ur into id0lish7 too” n then we kept talking n at one point the samus was like “tsukasa i luv u” n made a lil finger heart n i tried 2 make one but my hands were kinda full but i managed to make one! they also said earlier today, they saw a sasuke cosplayer getting arrested n they took a pic of it for their snapchat lmao n it was them in front of a cop car n they said the person said “dont touch me!!” to the cop. the friend w samus said the only idols he knows were the combie one n that saki was def best girl hands down like, its a fact n i was like “ur right. it not even a hot take, its the Facts.” anyway then i wnted to walka round a bit more so i did n at like. 7:10 i decided “why not go near the photosoot area n registration to see more cosplayers that r there bc ive just been walking repetitive loops around the dealers room entrance n the con floor so! there could b some new cosplayers there! n lo n behold i found a tenn n ryuu that i had seen briefly earlier! n took their pic! then less than a few ftaway, i tried to walk past some ppl but there was a bag in the way so i stepped over it (like, not on it, i mean. like, Over, to avoid it) but i noticed it was an MTC itabag n the person next to it had bunny ears n it!! was the juto n sama i was looking for! so i took their pic n was talking abt how cool it is to see more hypm!c cosplayers here this yr until some guy came up n started telling the samatoki they looked like kaworu n they mistook them for kaworu n they said they didnt kno who i was supposed to b but i looked nice (iirc?) so i left n near the prop check table, I SAW THE BB BOYS! so i ran up to them n asked for a picture n then i started talking abt the hypm!c thing n there being so many this yr when there were none last yr n the jiro was like “aa ur tsukasa” n we started talking abt ES a lil bit n the anime then i complimented their ritsu+mao plushies on their bag n left!

after that i just roamed the halls until 8 pm. then the v0ltron panel! keith n lance hd like, a roasting rivalry going on n keith was like “i keep getting bullied! i dont deserve this!” n i kept askiing questions. me, a green ranger, a dave, n the dave’s friend were mainly the ones asking questions lmao. anyway keithd b like “lance dont touch me oh ew” and i asked keith what his fav anime was since he said he was a weeb n he said blue ex0rcist n i asked keith if hed seen LL (bc LL cosplayers were dancing to the music outside the panel room n i heard it) n lance was like “oh yea, he knows all the dances. he does them in his room” n keith denied it n at one point, i was like “since keith n lance share one braincell, who has it the most” n they said keith. the bonding moment was also mentioned a lot and alluras death n how lance can get much more “game” than keith (like, ladies. sorry im tired they might hav used another term) and an amami in the audience told lance to fortnite dance with him aftr thelance fortnite danced n!! just. a lot happened. it was a very casual-ish panel imo. haha.

after that i 4got that the bn-ha panel was at 10 not 9 so i just decided to wander then hit up the dance floor for most of the duration n i spotted the juto n sama n a nurse ramuda that i remember the samus talking abt n also someone who looked like the arashi the samus showed me but in an ali!ce madeness returns dress  o i asked the ramuda for a pic and then started dancing and the juto got into one of the dance circles n just started going hard as HELL n i was just dancing in the area they were near n out of the corner of my eye i’d see juto just absolutely KILLING IT w their dance moves bc they were dancing in front of their friends (occasionally w samatoki or posing w them) n i was just jamming out n during a slow song i pulled up a pic of chiaki on my ipad n started slowdancing w my ipad n the girl near me was like “that’s a Mood” n i think i heard the possibly-arashi n the others laugh a bit bc i was slow-dancing w “chiaki’ haha but god the dance floor was WILD! there was a guy w a saxophone at some point playing along w the music then a guy w a guitar! n we yelled lyrice to dont stop believing n stuff.

the the bn-ha panel! ...i was bored. most of the time i put tape on my leo sign and looked up wigs on ebay n stuff n sometimes i couldnt hear v well bc i sat near the back. they started up like, truth or dare but w a beach ball to decide who got to ask the dare or w/e? but i noticed a gentaro in the back of the room so i was like “ill just wait until the end of the panel then ask for their picture” then trivia started n they eventually asked what episode dabi appeared in n i was thinking “ep 7 of the most recent season” n some guy guessed that (he was the only one who fuessed) but the izuku n katsuki looked at their paper n i heard them mutter “episode 31″ so after somebody guessed ep 42 n the panelists said ‘”guess between 30-42--” i said ep 31 n went up n got a pack of aiw stickers but i shoulve taken the superhero shirt tbh. aftr that i decided to leave n asked the gentaro for a pic n they were one of the ryuus earlier they said n also a jakuarai from yesterday! they were like “oh! ur the tsukasa i keep seeing/running into!” n i was like “oh! hi!”

idk what convo this was in but someone was like “do u like how they did anzu?” n i was like “oh she’s so cute they rly said Fuck Anzu Haters” n they agreed.

[strawberryspeachy]

I can read through the convo I’ve had with that boy for the past month in the same amount of time it takes me to read through a day in the summer

He actually asked me questions and kept the conversation going and joked with me so reading through any given day can take upwards of 10 minutes. And most of those days we had half of the conversation via Snapchat that I can longer see

It takes about 7 minutes to read what is me just me talking and him either not responding or giving one word replies or reluctantly a few sentences after I’ve nagged at him about it :(

Yea yea. Take the hint. From November to now (March) exact same day too... he’s never wanted to talk to me

There’s literally been two instances that he talked to me normally and I melted for the rest of the day. Not long either. Just him texting me first to just tell me something. So short that I’d even wondered those times if he accidentally texted me instead of someone else.

I’ve asked every question except for “do you actually want to talk to me” because as he said yesterday. The answers no. I knew it was no. That’s why I’ve stressed over everything else. Because I knew this whole time he hasnt wanted to talk to me. And I’ve asked every question

Why are you ignoring me

Why are you talking to that girl

Why don’t you treat me like you treat them

Why didn’t you look at my picture

Did you like my picture

Do you still think I’m pretty

Am I annoying you

Who are you texting

What are you doing

Any question around the focus. Do you WANT to talk to me.

No.

He doesn’t care about me at all.

I hate that he has options.

It sucks. Because if he didn’t have options. I know he’d like me. He did before. He got bored and there’s always someone else willing to be there for him so he can drop any of those feelings and leave

Me though. I don’t have options. No one I ever legitimately like reciprocates those feelings.

Years go by intbetween the times someone I truely want to be with comes along and shows interest.

If I had options and he wanted me I’d choose him and that’s what sucks. Because he won’t choose me and I don’t have other options.

It’s not like I haven’t been open to guys advances. But no one ever does. I’ve become interested in boys I didn’t find physically attractive but who were nice to me and acted interested. And then they were even meaner to me.

I’m fucked up. I’m miserable. I’m a shitty person when I’m upset. But I always meet these guys when I’m feeling ok. I don’t show that side. I do everything right.

There’s a legitimate attraction. We talk about our lives and interest. We joke and laugh together. We show interest in each other. I don’t flake on people even when I really want to but everyone I’ve ever met had cancelled on me at the last second. And with these dudes that do that (with the exception of the college dude) I’ve always been a normal understanding person who goes - that’s ok! You do what you gotta do we can reschedule if you want!

I don’t understand. I genuinely don’t understand. I’m not trying to make myself look good by any account when I say I literally have no clue what’s goes wrong every time.

NO ONE. WILL. TELL. ME.

It’s been happening my whole life and I started getting mad about it come college. I started demanding to know. Ive started acting like the crazy person when it happens. And. It doesn’t lead to answers

To be fair I started off just nicefully asking. All that got me was ‘what are you talking about? I didn’t stop talking to you! We’re talking right now’

When when I started pointing out that we are because I tracked them down I get ‘I’m sorry! I’ve been really busy!! I didn’t even realize’

Pointing out what it is they’ve been doing that show they no longer want to talk lead to people reacting the same way as if I went insane on them. I literally haven’t recieved a different response to me politely and thoughtfully going

‘hey. Idk if you’ve meant to do this. But it feels like you don’t want to talk to me anymore. You’re responses have been shorter and we don’t talk much anymore. You don’t seem to find my jokes funny anymore even thought they’re the same as before. And you haven’t reached out in a while - it’s just been me. Maybe you’re busy with (insert whatever thing I knew they were up to a month ago) and I’m sorry if I’m bothering you if that’s the case. But I was just wondering if I did something wrong’

That would lead to the same ‘OMG YOU EXPECT SO MUCH FROM ME!! I HAVE MY OWN LIFE AND DONT HAVE TIME TO PUT UP WITH YOUR BS!! I HAVENT BEEN IGNORING YOU IVE BEEN TIRED AND BUSY.’ —- followed by being personally attacked with whatever it is that person feels (whether it be projecting. Bringing up something small from months before they stopped talking to me. Or whatever nerve I touched during my message or speech)

I’ve literally gotten the same response from doing that as I’ve gotten to say.... going to their house and confronting them at an inconvienient time.

Both generally followed by ‘you always play the victim’ or ‘ you do stuff like this so that’s why’

These same speaches come from people I’ve known as little at a week to people I’ve know for 10 years.

It sounds as thought I’m hiding something. I just act like this psycho person all the time probably right. It’s not like I can prove that’s not the truth..... it sucks.

I hold so much hate still toward my freshman year roommate because she reacted to me this way and I know for a fact I never did anything wrong to that girl. I consciously every second of the day made sure to be nice and considerate and positive. And when she left and told the world that I was the devil. The only things she said that actually happened were

1) I raised my voice. I did whine loudly that one time at the like 3rd time her and her bf tried to have sex in the bunk bed above me I let out a loud whine and in the same pitch said “please stop I’m trying to sleep”

2) I had a dusty fan. You’re right. I should have cleaned it. It only blew on me but that’s my b. It didn’t occur to me that it was a problem but I would have cleaned it if she ever told me it bothered her

3) one night I got irritated and yelled at my printer and hit it. Yes. I did that. It was quite late but she was over on her computer and all the lights were one. I got stressed out that my printer stopped working and in a louder tone went something to the effect of “what the fuck you stupid thing!!” My friends earrring had dissapeared inside of it a few days prior. We looked for it but the printer ate and hid it somehow. I hit the printer in frustration. And then it began to work and in a happy voice I went “oh cool that worked” according to her that incident made my fucking psycho.

4) not in her list of complaints to everyone as to why I was the absolute worst were. One time I walked in and didn’t see her sleeping. So I turned on the light as I talked to my friend. I felt really bad when she sat up very disoriented and apologized and turned the light back off and left. Another time I walked in while her and her bf were in the middle of fucking and backed back out of the room.

One time when I was going to a party my friend said I should have my roommate do my makeup - while she was sitting there. I was already getting vibes the girl didn’t like me and so I didn’t try to talk to her unless she talked to me - keep it polite... I... didn’t actually admit to myself that she didn’t like me but I did try to give her as much space as you can in a dorm. She’d go to the library all day to be away from me so when she’d come back to go to sleep I’d go to the common room till I was ready to sleep. Stuff like that. But my friend saying that right in front of her I went with it and excitedly went - you’re right she does do great makeup and asked her if she’d like to do my makeup for me. She said ok. And when the day came I texted her and asked her if she still was ok with doing my makeup. She said she was busy studying and went that’s ok! I didn’t tell my friend that I thought she didn’t like me or anything. I just stayed surface level and said she’s busy studying! That’s ok! I don’t think my face is a good canvas for her preferred makeup.

I have literally never tried harder in my life to be good to someone. And that girl fucking despised me. She didn’t just dislike me but she wanted EVERYONE to hate me. And she went out of her way to make that happen.

And that’s what’s devastating about it. Not that she was a great person. She wasn’t. She said things that disturbed me all the fucking time and I would be positive and compliment her on something that’s going well for her or that’s she’s doing good now. I successfully for the first time since elementary school stayed positive with someone who tried so hard to make me say something mean. And instead of anything good was punished for it.

And she did what she sought out to do. My friends stayed on my side and told me how they didn’t understand why she disliked me so much. But I could always see them wondering - it’s it true? She’s actually insane to be with too long isn’t she? So many things for the next few months that they didn’t just tell me she was doing. They waited to see if I brought it up myself. Like I told my one friend days later that I asked someone on my floor if they knew why she had moved out. If she said anything specific about what I’d done. And he told me he didn’t even know she left. That’s when my friend spoke up and said - no she tagged him on fb and said thanks for helping her move out. No one told me toll the next year that she had added the boy I liked on fb. Not till once again I said I was talking to him and it was good at first but then he suddenly pulled away and idk why. Then suddenly - oh yeah! She added him on fb btw - they’re friends.