#yes there's a whole bunch of snake themed characters

[thrythlind]

Characters played in TTRPGs since 2000

I probably won't catch them all, there've been a few games in the last 23 years.

Definitely didn't catch all of them, but here's quite a few. Campaign

D&D 3.5

Angwiel - snake-person (elf mechanically) Sorcerer/Cleric

Jhessail Crackstone - wererat (hengeyokai mechanically) Paladin/Rogue

Kya'Rei L'Di'Shinabon - Drow Ranger/Cleric

Yroling Xian'ri - hengeyokai cleric

Teryna - human (reincarnated fox familiar) ranger

Lheru - hengeyokai (spider) druid

D&D 5e

Shui Baenre - half-drow Lore Bard acolyte (child of Liriel Baenre and Fyodor of Rasheman) - Phandelver

Aisha Yethtai - tiefling knight in silver battlemaster - Storm Giant's Thunder/Dragon Heist

Weary - tiefling monster slayer - Curse of Strahd

Zihu - Yuan-ti Celestial Warlock (ancient couatl) Acolyte - homebrew

Zohuital - Yuan-ti Celestial Warlock (lillend sisters) Hermit - homebrew

Ranveig - scourge aasimar soldier valor bard - homebrew

Kanti Messner - Changeling Lore Bard/Celestial Warlock (Book of Exalted Deeds) - homebrew

Aramis Hopps - Harengon Drunken Master/Mastermind Charlatan - homebrew

Caress Melani - Yuan-ti Ancients Paladin, Courtesan of Sharess - Phandelver/Hoard of Dragon Queen

Proper Ruin - Yuan-ti Battlesmith, Lyceum Scholar - Netherdeep

Mariah the Blue - Variant Human Draconic Sorcerer city investigator

Nesali - yuan-ti archaeologist Beast Barbarian, full of anxiety and self-esteem issues - Candlekeep

Nishan Domine - yuan-ti mercenary Totem Barbarian, tranquil fury, battlefield redecoration

Pathfinder

Ide Shika - Human Fighter/Chevalier - Rise of the Runelands

Ahriah - Tiefling Witch - Homebrew

Fabula Ultima

Only - Rogue/Tinkerer/Wayfarer - An uplifted harpy trying to uplift her species.

Scion 1e

Sang-Yoon Koga - The Trickster Fox, Las Vegas magician, daughter of Susano'o.

Juri Como - Daughter of Benzaitan, The Great Mangaka, "Social Ninja", Expert at Obfuscating Stupidity

Delilah Samson - Child of Loki, shapeshifter, illusionist, ex-cop, private eye, assistant to Hel (in her guise as a mortal lawyer)

Sa - Dark avenger, brutal slayer of criminals. [redacted]

Scion 2e

Lily Watson - Child of Inari, brat, tomb raider, reckless and selfish

Hilde Sifgard - Child of Sif, youtube daredevil

City of Mist

Patricia Althius - war vet, PTSD, vampire vigilante, daughter to a family of war profiteers and generations of shady dealings. Rift of Count of Monte Cristo/Lamashtu

Random - lab rat, feral teen, Rift of the Movie Monster, non-binary and ace AF

Indira Yi - Rift of Arthur Dent, streaming journalist, improbably lucky.

Fate

Katrina Stnad/Voivode Valeria Draculesti/The Wallachian - doctor, martial artist, ex-terrorist. Steampunk/Dieselpunk game.

Irene Breholm - Divine Blood game, dhampir, sidhe, born to the Breholm Sorcerer family... kinda a big civilian dork in over her head.

Jocasta - Sorceress, librarian, daughter of a Greco-Japanese crime family who just wants out. Constantly getting kidnapped.

Hero System

Megumi Morisato, aka "Greyskin" - dimensional phaser, tank, really damn hard to bring down, geeky fangirl with lots of superhero historical knowledge and trivia.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Cadynce Baker / Nya'd'cebrac - demon of blessings and protection, one sister of a paired set of demons, her sister being the spear to her shield. Professional game designer.

BESM 3rd

The Wallachian - see Fate, that campaign started in BESM and moved to Strands of Fate later.

Himura Tai-Wen - NSFW campaign, oni lady with lots of girlfirends ended up ascending to higher plane of existence.

Water Tribe Swordsman whose name I forget in Avatar game

Shadowrun

Keina Isawa - Oni shinto magician, wanted to be an idol singer, ended up a shadowrunner instead.

Lacey Chambers - human adept (social/pistol) spy, burned

Leyti - Finnish Changeling (foxlady) mystic adept, bar owner, fixer. uncertain on the name

Legend of Five Rings - 4th Edition

Moto Hotaru - born a scorpion, trained a shinobi, married a unicorn, became a diplomat, died to the Kargat, but tricked them into doing things that scuttled their operations in the area.

Chronicles of Darkness

Emma Terreal - Sin-Eater/Geist, bank accountant suffocated in a bank vault during a robbery.

Suzume Armitage - A young woman unknowingly a creation of magic.

Annika Walsh - engineer working on the space elevator

Key 13 - (Shadowrun setting with CofD rules) street samurai with experimental soul-active implants.

One-Shots/Short-Runs

Monster of the Week

Whisp, The Libram of Whispered Prayers - The Talisman, a sentient magical book who can take human form.

Persia Mason - The Changeling, a teenaged gorgon living at a secret agency for monitoring supernatural things.

D&D 5e

Meesha Canidae - Shifter Merchant Diviner, socially awkward but unaware of it.

Valaine the Morbid - Shifter Swarmkeeper Entertainer, a bat shifter with a swarm of bats she performs shows with

Yuina Kendrick - a bitchy jurogumo (custom lineage) from Urban Arcana who got stuck in Ravenloft... and deserved it.

Kori the Storyteller - dhampir Spirit Bard, a dreaming soul animating her comatose body.

Erased - Variant Human Sage Undying Warlock (angel of death), absent-minded scholar who accidentaly got her name erased from reality.

Eve Niah - Halfling Undying Warlock (amused lich) with a bone whip, weirdly very cheerful

Cael - wood elf gorgon sorceress, former servant with memory problems.

Mutants and Masterminds

Queen Snake - doctor, martial artist, ritual mage, awakened snake-like powers when an experimental treatment mixing magic and medicine was injected into her during a hostage event.

Masks

Serpent Princess - The Beacon, daughter of Queen Snake, very eager to be a great hero and huge flirt.

One-Ring

High elf sorceress pre-gen character, forget the name

Apocalypse World

Nameless - doctor and gunfighter with snake-like mutations, seeking revenge on the one who changed and maimed her.

Fight with Spirit

Maeve Dumas - born to a martial arts family, secretly part of a competitive dance team

[courtingchaos]

Unclean

Gator Tillman x Fem Reader

Warnings: Religious themes, menstruation: sex and talk of, fingering, blood in various places, allusions to physical abuse (not reader) it’s period sex!

A/N: Listen, I am an ex-for-almost-20-years-Catholic who grew up around a lot of Southern Baptist, so excuse my (probable) misinterpretation of Leviticus okay? I just think Roy Tillman is a real Old Testament guy. I’ve had this little one shot in the wings for a while and only got the guts to finish it recently. I’m also deeply aware that I am interpreting this character much differently than the fandom at large so like, peace be with you.

18+ NSFW No Minors

Nothing but low lights behind the pulpit and a few along the aisles to let you see the outline of him in the first pew. Leaned forward, still and quiet in the cold dark that seeps into the small wooden church. Outside, the calvary congregates and converses after their Sunday dinner provided by their shepherd and in here, in the small family chapel, it’s just the two of you in the glow of old bulbs. Warm yellow gives the bridge of his nose a highlight and shines off the sun bleached strands in his hair. When your footsteps reach his radius he looks over his shoulder, tense and sharp, but the golden glow reflects off his eyes to give him a softer look than he deserves.

You stop two pews back and he gives you a once over, nervous eyes flitting from your head to your feet and up again before he begins chewing on his bottom lip. “You go home?”

“Yes.”

“Why you still in your dress?”

“It’s still Sunday.”

He laughs through his nose and turns back to the pulpit, thumb rubbing lightly against his reddened lip. “Did you stop at the house?”

You step forward one more length of pew and stop again to watch him fidget with the vape in his hand. “No, Roy wanted to talk to my father so I came back out here.”

Gator hums, a twitch of his lip letting his displeasure show for just a moment. The smack of the metal against his palm is loud in the small space like the yell you know he’d like to let loose would be. Sharp and mean like his demeanor, trying to be like his father but just south of right.

“Did you eat?” You ask while creeping up beside him. The smoke from the pit nearby has snuck in through the gaps in the doorways and mingled with the dry smell of wood and old hay. This chapel has always reminded you of an attic with its exposed beams but the scent of decades old pine makes you the most nostalgic.

“No.”

“Not hungry?”

He looks up at you before he sits back against the bench, takes in your pieces before the whole of you, eyes flitting again from your open coat to the hem of your dress fluttering just below your knee. Vape set aside he reaches out to drag a finger up from your knee and under that hem where you keep some of your secrets. Lines of ink not even your parents have seen, another cut you’ve inflicted like the hundred others while trying to claw your way out of this compound.

Fingers dig into the back of your thigh to hold you in front of him, lets the heat from his palm sink in while he doesn’t answer you.

“What was this morning about?”

He tilts his head in lieu of opening his mouth.

“Roy was on his ‘god honoring woman’ kick again. Did Karen piss him off last night?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t home.” His other hand snakes between your thighs to hold higher up. “She didn’t look upset.” He drops his gaze then to stare at the yellow flowers dotted over the black fabric of your dress, the one your mother bought you as a threat veiled in a peace offering.

“A little too much Leviticus for my taste.”

“Mm.”

Your coat lands on the floor behind you and his fingers inch higher on the inside of your thigh. He seems fixed on the way your dress bunches over his wrist instead of the soft touch behind his ear where you tuck an errant strand of hair finally falling out of its place. Outside there’s a muffled uproar of laughter that makes you cast a sharp look through the foggy windows and Gator takes the opportunity to move his warmth away to pluck at the buttons at the top of your dress.

“Little low cut for church.”

“My mother doesn’t think so.”

“I’ll thank her later.” An actual smile this time as the first button slips through silky cotton, followed by two more before you stop him. The wood creaks under your knee as you shift your weight to it, sliding it up against his hip. Again his hand finds your thigh, up high to find his favorite ink, a simple black line cross that his thumb rubs small circles into.

He hasn’t noticed yet that you tucked your underwear in your coat before you walked all the way out here. Risky since this morning left you with a bloody visit and now you sit unclean under the rafters his family raised. Your dress slides up easily enough, almost up enough to share your secret, and finally he pulls you close. Tugs at you to get you over his lap, your other knee colliding dully with the bench back.

It’s like a switch with him sometimes the way his mood will turn. Sour petulance that makes you roll your eyes will break for roaming hands that map out your body. Sullen quiet suddenly loud with his wants, with his questions, with his panting and moaning. Any place he can have you but more often in places that would bring down his father’s ire if you were found.

Flush against him now he pulls you down to meet the seat of his hips before he pushes your dress up around your waist and pauses mid grope to laugh.

“Does your mother approve of this too?” Fingers move again along the crease of your hip until they reach soft curls. He catches your eye and doesn’t look away as he dips his fingers into your heat, his lip caught between his teeth again, this time with a smirk. He pushes up slow, thick fingers dragging against oversensitive flesh, his palm flat so you can grind against him. Words seem caught in his throat, probably something goading and whispered, something laughed out on a breath. You know he wants to make you blush about how wet you already are and how loud you’re panting but he changes his angle and moves his hand, pulls it back in front of himself and stops to stare at the red staining his fingers.

“Oh.” You don’t pretend to sound surprised. He frowns but doesn’t push you away like you thought he might’ve, instead he seems frozen in place and you don’t miss the blush beginning to trickle down his cheeks. “It’s okay.” You grab his fist hovering between you. “It’s okay.” You repeat and he looks at you then, wide eyes searching for something. Leaned in close you bring his hand up slow, up towards his lips parted around a whispered sound of protest.

“Is-isn’t this breaking a r-rule or something?”

He doesn’t curl his fingers away when you press them to his mouth, a long line of blood from his cupids bow to his chin. With your free hand you fumble with his belt and his pants, keeping his doe eyed gaze glued to yours.

“Your father walks in here without burning.”

Confusion has nestled its way into his features, eyes squinted at you until you wedge your hand in between thick fabric and hot skin. His gaze droops when you pull him free, mouth splitting open with a quiet gasp. You move then, sitting up on your knees to look down on him wanting and blooded, dragging your hands down his long arms along the back the of the pew outstretched to grip the hardwood with white knuckles. Fear, you think at first, from the wild print you’ve left on his face. Anxiousness maybe that he might be found like this, not just compromised but marked now, cut off from the flock finally.

“Gator…” You barely whisper and he’s chasing you upwards. Against the restraints of your hands on his wrists he pulls when your lips don’t descend to meet his.

A choked off whine, “Please.” His hips wiggle between your knees for some kind of friction, anything to get closer. “C’mon, come back.” He pleads through clenched teeth, tacky red turning matte on his full lips. It draws you back in and he smiles when you close the distance with a brush of a kiss, something light that makes him huff before you consume him.

He doesn’t taste like when you bite your cheek or suck on a paper cut. It’s a foreign taste on a familiar tongue, faint passion fruit from his habit and a metallic tinge that makes you groan into him. He feels good. Pinned like a fluttering moth looking for an escape, for a saving grace that he seems to find in your lips and the dip of your tongue. His breath comes in sharp puffs through his nose smushed against your cheek and again you hear him whine when you don’t let him raise his hands.

A shake of his head to break the kiss to get his point across to take a deep breath-

Outside there’s heavy footfalls on the old wooden steps. Both of you freeze like deer, your eyes trained on the heavy door and his boring through your chin, waiting to bolt at the first sign of discovery.

Muffled voices, a click of metal and your heart in your throat when this unsuspecting intruder has a change of pace. A muffled question. A pause. Quiet laughter and parting footsteps.

Your fingers simply drape and Gator takes the opportunity to surge into you. Hands grabbing at your hips to hold you closer, pushing you down on him. He guides himself in with his thumb, a quick brush over that ache of yours amplified through thrill and nature.

You miss him watching your face scrunch up in apprehension. Lips parted like his, pink lipstick smudged with blood, only you hiss out an “easy” that he answers with a shush. Lets his hands run back up under your dress to find his favorite little scar of ink, smearing red along the way. Almost dry now but his fingerprints in your mess between the two of you make him forget his reservations for a few minutes. He forgets the crowd outside and the house ten minutes away. Pushes the expectations away. He instead watches you relax into him, the way your hands unwind from his shirt only to feel them slide up behind his neck to wind back up in his hair. Your tongue rolls over your bottom lip before you bite down on a moan when he bucks his hips up gently.

This wet heat, new to him in this taboo, draws him in when you roll your hips in earnest suddenly. You’ve angled him to find that magic spot he’s usually still searching for by this point, your head rolling back on your shoulders to ride your knees raw against the wood. The deep heat of you almost scorches him, a small voice in the back of his thoughts reminding him of hellfire and naked founts.

“Fuck.” Said out loud in the hopes of chasing away a voice tinged with vitriol and a release of the climbing pleasure up his spine. You writhe in his lap and he gropes at your hips, slides long fingers down and under to grab at your thighs. Slick with sweat you slip in his grasp, heavy breaths blown over his locks when you finally reach behind him to hold onto the bench.

The open top of your dress brushes his face enough times he bites at the buttons, finally catching them between his teeth. Through his lashes he watches your face, glued to the peek of teeth behind your lips. The way you glitter in low light and muggy air. The dip of your collar bones when you roll your body into his and he can feel you tighten all around him, core and arms and air.

A not gentle hand suddenly wrapped around his jaw, fingers prodding into his mouth to hang and pull. Wandering lips messily find his own and then trail off over his cheek to end at his ear, your peak whined against him. Pulsing that makes him hold you closer so he can chase after you to find his own end.

He’s been on the precipice since you threw your coat on the ground and all it takes is a few gentle thrusts before he chokes on a groan and suddenly he feels bottomless. No floor, no bonfires, no congregants too close for comfort. Just your face in his neck and the shared messy warmth pressed between you two.

There’s a swing of headlights over the front of the chapel that breaks whatever tandem calm you two have created. Separated wordlessly with barely a glance at the extra mess, Gator quickly readjusts his pants and you snatch your coat on your way to the small ladies room in the foyer. More muffled voices tonight that intrude on your privacy while you scrub smudged lipstick off your face and rebutton your dress, jumping only a little when there’s a knock at the door.

“You fall in?” Your father jokes on the other side.

“Give me a minute!” You snap while trying to slide your underwear back on. A final look before you walk out to make sure the surface of you is presentable, no visible marks or smudges. Out in the entryway your father gestures at you to follow and Roy gives you too long of a look when he waves. You wonder if he can see it all over your face even though you scrubbed the evidence off. Wonder if he can smell it on you two like a predator sniffing out wounded prey.

Can he see your handprints all over his son? Invisible blood that marks him different now. The tang of sin sits all over your tongue and when you run it behind your teeth to savor you catch Gator staring again. Catch him watching your hands twist in your coat pockets and his eyes flit back up to your mouth. You can feel the faded touch of him worrying at your tattoo even across a courtyard.

“Hey Gator?” You holler at him while climbing into your father’s truck. “Don’t forget dinner.” A simple smile for him before you slam the door, a break in the tension and your phone is vibrating seconds later. You wait to look until your home but it still makes you laugh even when you’re starting your laundry.

Thank your mom for me.

[cacaobean760]

Leander Characteristics

So for the past posts about Leander I have been talking about the lines that stood out to me but now I am going to be talking about his character design. I am also not sure how into theories I am going to be going into with Leander because there are a lot out there but I think I am just gonna be talking about the main things or facts that I think are heavily implied.

So lets first talk about Leanders name because I think that is the biggest hint we have for his background.

So I am just gonna throw a bunch of screenshots talking about Leander the Greek Mythology and also the flower and then I will talk about it after

OK, so we know from this Greek Mythology that Hero and Leander were in love and that Leander would swim over to meet with Hero. We also know that Hero is a priestess of Aphrodite. And what is Aphrodite the Goddess of?? That is right, Sexual Love and Beauty, Which Leander shows throughout the games demo soooo, take that as you will. Also I might bring up the virgin point later but for now im just gonna leave it here. Also in the third pic, Leander is describes as using charm(which again, Leander uses a lot though out the demo) and that, Hero being a virgin, is not something that Aphrodite would want being the goddess of love and sex. So once they become a....Situationship????? Leander keeps visiting Hero every night, but one night he gets drowned. Now as of right now, I don't think the torch or light thing is super important because I don't think there is anything in the game that mentions it so im not gonna talk about it right now either. But we then find out that Hero finds Leander's body dead on the shore but he is holding flowers in his hand....Remind me again what the first thing Leander gives to us is hmmmmmm*sideways glance* So then Hero starts wailing "O Lender" over and over, and so that is how the flower, Oleander, Got it's name. And guess what, Oleander just happens to be super toxic. Uhhhhh does this imply something for Leander's character, I'll let you decide. And even though this is known to be a super toxic flower it is still used for landscape because it is considered pretty or attractive, beautiful even. And we all know by now what Aphrodite is the Greek goddess of. I also don't know if it will become a big thing later in the game with the fact that Hero then also joins Leander in death but again, as of right now, ill just leave this here. So then you may be asking, If Leander died then how would he be alive in the game?? Well I am glad you asked.

Through out Leander's character, there are multipule instances of the idea of youth, or rebirth. Again if we go back to the flowers Leander gives us, they are noted to be white Lilles, now what do white lilies symbolize???

Ok so if Leander did die, he somehow came back to life so yes, rebirth.

While looking for Leander at first we are looking out for his dagger shaped earing, but what is this dagger going through exactly? Well, I think it is the Ouroboros symbol. And what does that mean exactly?

We can see this design on Leander's earring like I said

Actually without closely looking at this, it just looked like a normal circle but up close, it is a snake eating itself. Again with the theme of rebirth.

Now when we go to look at the symbol on Leander's belt, the whole entire structure of the belt looks like the symbol that represents the mother, maiden and the crone.

So the main point for this symbol is youthfulness or in a way, rebirth

Now when looking at the middle of the belt the symbol looks like the symbol for Aphrodite which Leander's lover, Hero, was a priestess too, they look....pretty similar right? Also just another note that doves and sparrows are also a symbol for Aphrodite andddddd what does Ais call Mhin and the MC for their nickname hmmmmmm???

okokok, so there are a lot of symbols for rebirth on Leander but what else. By now one can assume that Leander died and had been revived or rebirthed. But is there something that also leads to this conclusion without it being a symbol, why yes there is. In fact, we can see that a core color of Leander's character is green and we all know that green is related to growth or growing or rebirth??? Thus the green color leading us to talk about Leander's eyes. So lets actually talk about Leanders eye color

I actually saw a post about this so this is not my discovery but his eye color is Paris Green and guess what a fun little fact about this paint is. Yep! you guessed it, it is indeed, toxic.

So that is so slay for Leander. In fact, it's not even used now because of how toxic it is

So, so far we have a toxic flower AND a toxic Paint that goes with Leanders character.

But I want to stay on Leander's eyes for just another sec because there is also something more interesting going on in them then just the color. When we first see Leander in the CG Leander is using magic and so along with all the other sparks around him that are happening while doing his magic, there is also a "spark" or a glint sort to speak in his eye

Now, this is not super unusual because in other games or novels, the characters eyes or hair have been describe to "light up" when using magic but.....This glint never goes away

Now I can understand while using magic there would be a glint but when he is not doing anything? Unless...he is using magic constantly. I mean if he was dead, and he did get rebirthed or revived, who says it was a one time thing. What if he constantly has to use magic to keep him alive or something along the lines of that.

So if Leander did get revived or has been rebirthed but has kept all his knowledge it would explain some of the lines that stuck out to me when interacting with Leander. I mean if he is not actually in his 30's like people think he is but he is actually much older, old enough to have Greek Mythology about him, it would explain why he is so powerful or such a good mage. Like I said, I have talked about this in my previous posts about Leander and the lines that were weird to me but there are quite a few lines or situations that tell us that Leander is very strong. So lets look at a few of these situations...

First when Leander initially summons the flowers, if you choose the Alchemist background, you note that he did not need a spell circle, he just straight up summoned the flowers. And from further dialogue we can come to the conclusion that this is not normal and Leander must be a "very gifted mage"

Second when we tell Leander we are cursed and then he seems very curious and asks us if it is "ancestral or more recent". We know that Leander did not go to study at the Senobium soooooo how would he know about curses. I can kinda understand the "more recent" curses. But ancestral.....How would he even know about it and why is he so interested in it?? I mean if he really is the Leander from the Greek Myth then, Leander would be pretty old, old enough to learn about curses and even more so for ancestral curses.

Then when we talk to Leander about picking fights with Ais and trying to kill him, he just brushes it off completely and he is not the least bit worried. I mean I feel like any normal mage would be worried even if they were very good at what they do. Soooo I feel like you would have to be around a pretty long time to not be the least bit scared or nervous about messing with a monster.

And this will finally be my last point about Leander's character. It is his motto on the Bloodhound poster which is, "as above, so below". At first glance it does not seem that significant. I mean the Bloodhounds are all about helping the lower class so it is more equal to the upper class so that is probably what the motto means. This is also reinforced when you learn the fact that Leander is the son of an old Hightown Family and then runs away and joins in with the Lowtown so ya, they are trying to bridge the wage gap. But maybe, just maybe, If Leander is the Leander that died in the Greek Myth, it actually stands from something like...Heaven and Earth? Two different planes where one is above and the other is below??

Anyways that it all but let me know if you guys liked this and if you have something to add on!

[pagesandpagestogo]

January Reading Wrap-Up

The first month of the new year is over, and with it begins a whole new year of reading goals! I personally set my goal to 24, which was the number of books I read last year, but considering I've already read 12 this month (okay, two of them were short stories) I'm feeling pretty confident about overcoming that goal!

I thought it would be a good idea for me to write down short reviews of books I read each month, as a way to help me better understand what it is that I like about books. I've never been very critical with my ratings, as you'll notice soon, so I'm hoping that the more thought I put into the reading I've done, the less 5 star ratings I'm giving out.

Books I'll be discussing below:

A Court of Silver Flames, by Sarah J. Maas

Ankle Snatcher, by Grady Hendrix

The Pram, by Joe Hill

Don't Let Her Stay, by Nicola Sanders

The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien

Red, White & Royal Blue, by Casey McQuiston

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams

Do Not Disturb, by Freida McFadden

Mister Magic, by Kiersten White

Circe, by Madeline Miller

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, by Douglas Adams

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, by Suzanne Collins

And of course, here are my Goodreads and Storygraph profiles if you're interested!

A Court of Silver Flames Sarah J. Maas

“The struggle with that darkness is worth it, just to see such things.”

As you could probably expect considering this is the last (at time of writing this) book in the series, I’ve read all of the books to come before it. And this is actually my favorite one.

Which surprised me, I kept seeing a bunch of bad reviews and people talking about how unlikable Nesta is, but I really just don’t agree. I mean, yes, Nesta’s unlikeable at first. That’s the point, character growth and whatnot, but I actually found her much more relatable than Feyre ever was. In fact, I’d go on to say the romance of this book is more fun than the romance of the rest of the series. I adore Feyre and Rhys, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it’s really nice having a relationship that has more emotional conflict to it. In fiction, at least.

Feyre and Rhys in this book both come off as very up their own asses, which I always imaged had something to do with why people aren’t as fond of this book. But I honestly was a big fan of it. It’s interesting to me seeing the way a character you thought you knew so well can appear from a different POV.

And all that aside, I do genuinely enjoy the arc Nesta goes through, and I really found her emotional struggles very relatable. It felt so worth it coming out at the end and seeing just everything we overcame with her.

4.5 Stars

Ankle Snatcher Grady Hendrix

"They live in our closets and under our beds, and after dark they come out when we break the rules. We’re serving time for the boogeymen’s crimes.”

I liked how the theme for this short story was very clearly generational trauma, being shown in a physical sense with these sorts of demons that are physically following people down the generational line. In the case of the main character here, it’s a monster under his bed that will kill him if he gets out of bed at night, this monster having come to him after being attached to his father. I’m a sucker for generational trauma as a theme, especially when it’s shown in a bit more abstract ways. It was a really quick and easy read, I honestly just was reading it when I had nothing to do at work, and it was really digestible as a horror short story. I'm a very big fan of Grady Hendrix's writing style, and I think it really works well in the form of a short story.

4 Stars

The Pram Joe Hill

It never once crossed his mind that he was depressed, too, that he had also lost a child.

The Pram was a very emotional experience to me. I’m not going to really divulge much of the plot, as there is a very heavy content warning for loss of a child, but I do think it’s important to share the remaining emotions connected to the story. The main character is shown to be developing resentments regarding the content warning above, and we as the reader get to watch as it slowly begins to take over him. It’s an interesting perspective to see from, as there is even a moment where the very obvious root of the resentment starts making sense, and you begin to understand he doesn’t resent the situation, but rather his own emotional reaction to it. I think Joe Hill is a really talented author, especially with situations that aren’t always completely comfortable to readers, but it’s handled in a way that made this a very emotional read.

4 Stars

Don't Let Her Stay Nicola Sanders

'Don’t stand too close to any balustrades, Mrs. Atkinson.’

I honestly keep having a hard time trying to put this one into words. It twists and turns and sometimes I loved it and sometimes I didn’t.

It was the kind of book that made me confused, sometimes unsure how things were going to go, and always eager to find out. Yet simultaneously I just kept feeling like the main character was far too oblivious. I may have enjoyed the uncertainty of what I was experiencing, but the main character really felt like she was just gliding along in life with no understanding of why the sky was blue.

I’d have my suspicions about the twists shortly before they happened, but I still wasn’t really displeased to see them play out. Unfortunately, I did still find myself a bit disappointed with the outcome, despite enjoying most of the journey. I don’t know how to explain it without spoiling, and I’d like to avoid spoiling since I understand that a lot of people can still get enjoyment out of this book, regardless of the opinion of an internet stranger. I don’t think this book isn’t worth the read, and I’d hate to turn someone off of reading it because I couldn’t help myself and spoiled it while attempting to discuss my thoughts. I guess if anyone is ever interested in asking questions or discussing, I’m here to talk!

3.75 Stars

The Hobbit J.R.R. Tolkien

“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!”

I don’t even know what to say here. If you haven’t read The Hobbit yet, then I don’t know what I could say to incentivize you! At this point, I don’t personally know a single person that doesn’t have at least some understanding and interest of the Lord of the Rings franchise.

If you’ve been interested in the franchise but have been a bit stressed about reading the **book (like I have) then The Hobbit is a great start. The fun and adventure that J.R.R. Tolkien is known for, and The Hobbit is a far smaller book than the rest of the franchise. I’m a sucker for immersion reading (reading while listening to the audiobook at the same time) and I highly recommend the Andy Serkis version of the audiobook, if you choose to listen. He’s a wonderful actor and does an amazing job reading the book, and you just can’t deny getting to hear Gollum himself reading Gollum dialogue!

5 Stars

Red, White & Royal Blue Casey McQuiston

"With me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal."

This book is fun, and that’s a fact that rings true no matter what I say about it.

I’m not always the biggest fan of the writing, but sometimes I’m in love with it. Sometimes I find the concept incredibly silly, while other times I think it’s an interesting idea. It’s not incredibly deep or thought provoking, but it did give me the opportunity for some introspection. It might not make you cry, but you might have some strong feelings. You might roll your eyes, you might laugh. I may not have always been in the mood to read it, but I still had difficulty putting it down.

Above everything, this is the most important sentiment I have to say about it:

Sometimes it was incredibly, eye-rollingly, gushy. Sappy, even. But it kept making me smile and think about my own experiences with love. At the end of the day, I don’t care about the times that it felt a little silly, maybe even like fanfiction. I got a really good, loving experience out of it. I might not read it again, but I know I’ll keep going back to the quotes I highlighted from it.

4 Stars

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Douglas Adams

“I think you ought to know I’m feeling very depressed,”

The first time I read this book, I was a teenager. And even before I read it, it still had a very prominent place in my household. My dad was always making references to it, my very first email address had a “42” slapped proudly on the end of it, this book was always just in my general consciousness, whether I fully understood why or not. This book, despite being a fun sci-fi adventure with an interesting outlook on life and the creation of it, is just so ungodly funny. I’ll never not cackle at “[t]he ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.” The humor is just effortless, and rereading through it, it becomes clear just how much of our modern humor, whether intentional or not, is at least partially derived from this series.

It’s a very quick book, and really worth the read.

5 Stars

Do Not Disturb Freida McFadden

I’ve never attempted to get blood out of my clothing before

I was honestly really invested in this to begin with. I adore the movie Psycho, and this book clearly began as a love letter to it. Plot points are almost beat for beat in certain aspects, it almost read as though the author was looking to see what her take on a story with the same premise would be. And I loved it for a good minute! Then the twist happened. The twist isn’t entirely bad, just very uncharacteristic and makes the book impossible to reread, as suddenly a good amount of the book just doesn’t make sense anymore. It really doesn’t line up with the twist. You know that thing people complain about with Frozen, like “it doesn’t make sense for Hans to be a twist villain, we see him smiling fondly at Anna when she’s out of shot! She would have no way of seeing that, so who was he trying to fool?” It just felt like that. Too focused on making the twist shocking and exciting, and not enough focus on making it an actual reasonable twist.

3 Stars

Mister Magic Kiersten White

"You never forget the lesson that they would rather destroy you than let you inconvenience them.”

I really adore this book. I always loved the Creepypasta Candle Cove, which this book very clearly took heavy inspiration from. And I absolutely mean that as a good thing. Chapters will end with forum posts, podcast discussions, AO3 posts. (Yes, really) It’s a very clear love letter to the fascination with lost media and Creepypastas. I loved the paths this book took, I adored the characters, and I loved the premise. When I first finished the book, I found myself slightly confused by the way it ended. I foresaw a complete separate ending, I couldn’t understand why this was the ending the author went with. But then I read the acknowledgements at the end of the book, and immediately the tears fell. I got it instantly, and I just loved it even more.

5 Stars

Circe Madeline Miller

You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you.

I had always heard people say that this book wasn’t anywhere near as good as Song of Achilles. I ADORED Song of Achilles, so I was a bit hesitant to read this book. I understand everyone’s tastes are different, but man I just loved this one so much more. What’s not to love about a woman living in isolation, turning men into pigs for stepping foot on her island.

There’s a lot of emotional hardships in this book, and yet I couldn’t put it down. Originally I had worried about the book running slow, considering the limited locations available for the story, but it really flowed nicely and I was never bored. I’m a sucker for retellings of mythology, and Circe is just so wonderful.

5 Stars

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe Douglas Adams

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

This is going to seem lazy, but everything I said for the first book is the same here. Really there’s not much else to say. It’s more time with the fun characters that were introduced in the first book, as well as some new additions as well. I adore the titular restaurant as well, it’s such a fun concept to me and it was really enjoyable reading the scenes taking place in it!

5 Stars

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes Suzanne Collins

People had short memories. They needed to navigate the rubble, peel off the grubby ration coupons, and witness the Hunger Games to keep the war fresh in their minds. Forgetting could lead to complacency, and then they’d all be back at square one.

Sometimes I really am a sucker for a main character that I don’t agree with.

Going into this, I knew I wasn’t going to agree with him. That’s kind of the point, isn’t it? To see the creation of the monster we know from the original trilogy. But he’s so human, and it’s kind of sad. Not sad from a writing perspective, she did a great job introducing nuance to the character. But it’s sad because it shows just how normal and natural a person may live and portray themselves, despite having the thoughts and feelings they do.

I adore this franchise, The Hunger Games is just so wonderful and I always love rereading the books. The last time I reread them was Valentine’s Day of last year, so who knows, maybe I’ll do that again this year.

My absolute favorite part of the book is seeing the little bits and pieces that you recognize of Snow from the original trilogy. Things that may seem inconsequential, if you’re reading this book as a new fan, but acts almost like little nods to the people who know what his future holds. The creation of this book, and the new movie based on it, has introduced a lot of people to the fandom. And it makes me so happy seeing all these new takes and perspectives!

5 Stars

[quietbluejay]

Dark Imperium 1

Wow Haley really stepped up his writing game.

Shame his simping is making a character I like...kinda unlikeable Yes yes Guilliman is the specialest boy now can we move along …oh another blorbo showed up!!! Best boy Thiel

....huh

This is not how I would describe Thiel lol (there are many positive words I would use but, "modest" is not one of them). Also the verbiage and relation here feel a lot more Tolkienesque. So I don't know if I can really say it's OOC or if it's more of just the difference between Haley and Abnett as writers.

there is some good Thiel food here at least though he just feels too…idk, like the rough edges of his personality have been sanded down maybe responsibility did that lol

theres a word i'm looking for regarding the writing style and i can't think of it not "artificiality" but related, the opposite of "naturalistic" it's something I also noticed in his other book, though it was all together much less polished there. I definitely feel like this guy primarily reads 90s and earlier fantasy novels and that's where he's coming from as a writer not actually sure if it's being done badly or I'm just used to these characters as being written in a more modern/"realistic" style

Guilliman: I'm about to do what we call a pro-gamer move Guilliman: LEEEEROY JENKINNNSSS

it just described something as "a spicy agony" because i am always a clown i am going to take this to either mean he's having an allergy reaction to the venom or that he's got no spice tolerance also his armour has a name it's called "The Armour of Reason". absolutely incredible also just the mental image of "Fulgrim slithered into them" snake man just knocking people over like bowling pins

This really is the franchise for chronic pain rep, huh. There's what, Yriel, 40K Guilliman, and Huron I can think of off the top of my head?

i am experiencing normal emotions at these two minor characters i hope they will be okay i know this is a trap but darnit im attached

Given I know this is Plague Wars...yep. RIP.

oh bleh mil sf space battle not very exciting honestly the most interesting part of this scene is the one dude being a complete ass and Guilliman shutting him down oh good we're getting a human face on things this is where Haley shines as a writer

war crime time Writer is doing a good job of walking the line of making the characters sympathetic while also not whitewashing them

there was also a fun line about the imperial space marines and the chaos space marines looking equally demonic

I kind of love how even though he’s doing genuine good he’s still a dictator and losing time and effort to getting his old empire back under his direct control And he’s treating this task as high priority There’s also the whole bit about his hobby/free time thing being trying to reconstruct an accurate history and a bunch of the people he got as assistants/investigators have gotten killed because of it

What’s also hilarious to me is that they don’t even have accurate records of what was in his old empire and he doesn’t know which planets he wants to add but by golly! He’s going to make Ultramar great again A lot of his thoughts are understandable given his background and everything but! Man! I want to beat him over the head with a 2x4 but also give him a hug

yyyep my buddies died horribly or well one has died the other is in the process he was trying to protect him but he followed ;-; yeeppp he's undead now

man what are they gonna do if rob falls under the weight of all the expectations and responsibilities horus heresy electric boogaloo this time with spreadsheets

as a side note i'm finding it interesting they're using beautiful as a descriptor for a space marine (one specific guy, to be clear) like beautiful as opposed to handsome or any other related adjective maybe i'm reading too much into it but i feel like it says something about how Felix sees the world

and given some of the themes that have been popping up about space marines seeing beauty in the world, and the dichotomy between having and wanting things beyond war, and yet being built for war and seeing nothing but war in the future the humanity seeping in through the cracks it's a lot to read into one word but the other stuff has been popping up haha honestly overall i'm getting a LOT of vibes similar to some wwi fiction I've read especially with the two dudes at the hospital on a lighter note I'm torn between e_e and lmao that the Space Wolf dude just said something "wolfishly"

It me

I'm just genuinely in shock that this book is as good as it is given the last book.

BUT it's funny this is my complaint in this book given how he was pretty great with the female characters in Valedor but not a SINGLE female character has shown up on-page so far (50% mark). I know you can write women, Haley!! You did fine last time!

anyways I'm still snrking about this

aww group hug and the squad is getting broken up ;-;

rip Bjarni

Bjarni is like a complete Space Wolf stereotype and yet, he's able to feel like an actual person

Next time: plaguey bois

[blurred-pride]

Im glad the trips went well :D

:0 tag us if you post the Dino

Those sound like great ideas for gender system(s) I think some rly cool things could come from that >:D

Yeah same I’m slowly began fronting the most and-

>:) now I rly wanna make the coining blog

Have any name/url ideas?

It probably could be super “fancy” yk how made are like sunflower themed or lovecore etc I don’t think we could keep up with fancy tags and keeping the blog looking fancy but we could maybe keep up a space theme

Oh yea- gotta take care of the body /Silly/Cj (cope joke)

We’ll go enjoy that tea and time with partners (I need more info on the dnd story line lmao what’s going on, how did he get to the bar, why does he need to conceal his identity?!/Silly/Nf)

Dino post is coming up in a moment, I need to do the dishes real quick and take a picture of him!!! (And make an image description for said picture so that may take a small bit because I am Bad at those- /lh) Thank you!!

I don't front the most but I have a tendency to get stuck in front quite a bit when I do front, and I have to readjust to needing actual things like food instead of just needing that as more of a "this is a thing I do not because I need to because I'm a metaphysical human thing/snake but because it feels more normal and 'human-ish' to do so than to go without". (/source and headspace) I also end up having to remember I can't just shapeshift, and so I end up changing shape in the innerworld and then having phantom limbs or sensations in the outerword. I think our most frequent fronters at the moment are Remus (he/they/it/any neos), and Virgil (he/they/it/scary neos), but I don't know for sure because I don't really manage that part of keeping track of the system. /tangent

Make the blog!!! It'd be great!!! (/nf) I don't remember if our blog has a theme other than "queer mogai"? And then space because space is a long term hyperfixation of ours, and bat-cat from CRK because someone decided they liked him and used him for a barcode icon thing. /lh

Some name/URL ideas: Spacequeers, Coining-in-Space, and heyyyycoining !!

I will!!! And of course!! So basically our character is a bright blue and pink tiefling named Aribis, he uses he/him pronouns, and occasionally they/them alongside he/him, and he grew up in a temple so he's been really sheltered from everything as a kid, and never really got that whole socializing with people thing down as a kid, it was just a bunch of stuffy adults so he didn't really get the chance. One day he was out in town, just doing some stuff, when a deer lady named Mylico (pronounced my-lih-ko) came up and asked if he wanted to go on a quest. Aribis said yes, and he joined the party to find an ancient lost city. One of the first few days he threatened another player character named Ace (he/him), and Ace threatened him back until they made a truce. Eventually, the party split up, and he and Ace got paired together to go down a different path and explore. The two met an evil old lady, who fed Aribis a poison cookie that knocked him out for a while. Ace defeated the old lady and carried Aribis back to the rest of the party. Aribis remained passed out for a while, if I remember right someone healed him?? And then Aribis was awake for about all of thirty minutes, since the cookie had more effects and knocked him out again. Dude kinda went into a coma for four days (We had left town and couldn't play, so they just knocked him out again with our permission.) , and during that coma the party found the lost city, and Ace is carrying Aribis the entire time, except the city wasn't actually lost. In the world this is in, elves aren't liked or trusted at all, and tieflings are very much the rich and extremely upper class. Aribis is not trusted in this city at all, and it would go into lockdown if everyone knew he was a tiefling. So, the rest of the party raided a scarecrow and stole its clothing, which included fancy boots (Aribis had boots, but they replaced them anyways for some reason??), a flannel, and a comically large hat. Ace provided some gardening gloves and boom! Disguise for a passed-out Aribis!! The party then plans to stage a revolution to help make everyone realize that elves are not horrible, and to take down the tiefling government. (Aribis is chill with this btw, he does not like most tieflings because they tend to be snobby and rude from wealth and such.) The party plans said revolution at an EXTREMELY fancy restaurant, and brings Aribis along for some reason. They order him a fruit salad, and kinda just slump him over into a chair, still disguised as a gardener-cowboy. (I joked that he faceplanted into the salad and nobody noticed) Other things that happened while he was passed out, in no particular order: the party caught an owl for the goddess of winter and gave her proposal advice to help her propose to her girlfriend (Ironic because our last DND character, Finley (they/them), attempted to catch a blood hawk in a backpack and failed, thus exposing that their backpack wasn't sentient, but instead had a very small octopus shaped god in it, and Aribis missed the opportunity to catch a bird.), had Christmas and new years (days are different in this world), Ace and another character, Hermes (he/him), made a bet with a god, Ace gambled against said god, and now Hermes has this god who owes him unlimited favors forever, and some other things I don't remember. The session that we had today included Aribis waking up after four days, still dressed up, and getting a run-down of all that happened, another threatening match between Ace and Aribis (Aribis threatened to both bite and cry at him), and bonding time over laser tag. Aribis also at some point acquired a pet rat named Pi-Rat in the woods. I probably forgot a lot of stuff since I am not the one who played the last few sessions, but that's all I know right now. :)

-Janus (he/she, masc/neutral terms)

[rubykgrant]

Some images to go with the RVB-DigiMon nonsense I’ve been wasting my time with! These are the basic forms for the partners of each character (except for Sheila and Lopez, who themselves are DigiMon). For those in the know, DigiMon has always been BONKERS with how the creatures work, so I just kinda did my own thing with their Digivolve-lines. I also made another post once, about what kind of Crest each character would have, so I’ll add that here too~

Church; BakeMon-WizardMon-PhantomMon-CherubiMon (haha, he gets a bunch of ghosts/spooky/angel DigiMon because of the running gag of him dying… but also, the CherubiMon will switch between the Virus/Vaccine type depending on how many negative emotions Church is getting weighed-down with, so he’s gotta watch out for that). Crest of Love (it didn’t even show up for a LONG time because somebody doesn’t like to show his feelings)

Tucker; VeeMon-ExVeeMon-MagnaMon-ImperialdraMon *Paladin (he gets to have Golden Armor forms and the White Knight Fsuion form all by himself because he’s special). Crest of Reliability (he was SURE he’d get Love or maybe Courage because it sounds cool, and then Reliability made him feel insecure, but he really lives up to it)

Caboose; KoteMon-StrikedraMon-MetalTyrannoMon-MachinedraMon (he gets the big mech DigiMon to be similar to Freckles. also, Caboose will often befriend various enemy DigiMon, and they turn good. he’s just like that). Crest of Friendship (what else COULD the boy have?)

Kai; FlutterMon-KazeMon-ZephyrMon-IrisMon (if anybody appreciates the… interesting outfits designs of DigiMon, it is definitely Kai. I made FlutterMon up as a kid, to be like a cute pixie-Rookie for KazeMon). Crest of Love (it is easy for her to share affection and ask for it herself, and it is honestly frustrating that everybody else isn’t as comfortable with their Crest as she is… get it together, y’all)

Sheila; KokuwaMon-MekanoriMon-DataMon-MetalKabuteriMon (I’m calling MetalKabuteriMon a Mega here, because I like the giant tank-bug and think it works for Sheila)

Sarge; GuilMon-GrowlMon-MetalGrowlMon-GallantMon *Crimson (he has the reddest Digimon, but when he lets his anger get out of control, the final form becomes MegidraMon for a while. Eventually, he calms down just ENOUGH to stop being a jerk, thus getting GallantMon. naturally, Crimson Mode). Crest of Courage (it is almost a little too perfect, which is why he’s gotta learn how to combine compassion to make Courage truly effective)

Simmons; BetaMon-SeadraMon-WaruSeadraMon-MetalSeadraMon ( he gets the sea creatures that are similar to snakes. haha, I give him and Grif the ones that remind them of their fears… but obviously, that makes the friendship even stronger when they eventually care about their DigiMon~ also, he and Grif match with air/sea themes). Crest of Knowledge (oh he was very proud of himself for getting this, but the whole point is it doesn’t work if you only use the knowledge to be smug all the time)

Grif; PataMon-PipisMon-MaildraMon-JustiMon (he gets a PataMon, which initially freaks him out because it is basically a hamster with BAT WINGS on the head. He finally bonds with the little goober, and rather than go with the angel theme, it keeps the bat qualities. the JustiMon is a new form with wings and the Critical Arm weapon, to kinda be like the Grifshot). Crest of Hope (when you’ve spent years acting like you don’t give a heck, Hope seems like a LOT of effort)

Donut; LalaMon-PeonyMon-LilyMon-NobleRoseMon (PeonyMon was one I made up as a kid, kind of just a pink SunfloMon, and NobleRoseMon was also a made up one from my childhood, meant to be a slightly more masculine version of RoseMon Burst Mode, but still the exact same outfit). Crest of Light (yes, because he is that important~)  

 Lopez; Digimon; HaguruMon-GaurdroMon-AndroMon-HiAndroMon (he and Sheila are both like guardian DigiMon, there to protect the other characters until their partners get stronger. however, they can’t Digivolve at first... it takes everybody combining the energy of their Digivices together for the guardian DigiMon to gain new forms)

Tex; ImpMon-DarkGargoyleMon-DevidraMon-BeelzeMon (she gets the cool biker demon Digimon with a huge cannon, heck yeah. also I made DarkGargoyleMon up as a kid, because I wanted a good Champion for ImpMon… basically just GargoyleMon but with ImpMon’s color-scheme). Crest of Courage (perhaps an obvious choice… but when somebody has to learn to be brave enough to ask for help, it can be a big step)

Wash; BlackGatoMon-DarkLeoMon-LoweeMon-AncientSphinxMon (calling BlackGatoMon a Rookie here. Wash has a bit of the deal Koichi had going on in Frontier; kind of an antagonist for a bit, but ultimately joins the group as a good guy). Crest of Kindness (initially he thought this made him sound like a wimp, and later he thought he’d been too much of a jerk to deserve it… but it DOES suit him)

Carolina; RenaMon-KyubiMon-TaoMon-SakuyaMon (the kick-butt magical fox warriors just really fit for her, and I feel like she would actually share that quiet punk-kid vibe with Rika, plus the whole “I’m the BEST” attitude before she softens up). Crest of Hope (she was a very determined person… who also often felt like she had nothing to look forward too, so Hope is something she digs deep for)

Doc; LopMon-RabbitMon-AntylaMon-CynthiaMon, TerrierMon-GargoMon-RapidMon-DuskRapidMon ( he gets the twin bunnies (for a while he doesn’t understand why just his LopMon Digivolves, but eventually realizes it is because he isn’t paying attention to O’Malley. this leads to some angst, O’Malley having his jerk moment of betrayal like some of the DigiDestined tend to do from time to time, but eventually they both learn to help each other, and the whole group makes sure to be closer to them both. CynthiaMon is a variation of DianaMon I made up, to go with the Rabbit in the Moon vibe, DuskRapidMon is another one I made up, an alternate option to MegaGargoMon, combining RapidMon with designs from DuskMon, so it’s all dark and cool). Crest of Kindness AND Knowledge (the tricky part is, Doc and O’Malley have to figure out what both Crests mean for them so it actually works)

Locus; WormMon-StingMon-JewelBeeMon-GranKuwagaMon (obviously had to give him the green bug... and in sort of a similar situation from the actual series, when Locus is being all evil and junk, his WormMon won’t Digivolve properly. he has to collect a lot of Armor Digi-Eggs to use, until he finally stops being a jerk). Crest of Friendship (this represents his difficult relationship with Felix, and his personal growth to move on with his life)

Felix; GabuMon-GaruruMon-WereGaruruMon-MetalGaruruMon ( he has a wolf-theme, not “obviously evil”, and also he tricks people by acting like this makes him a loner so you must be oh-so special for him to like you. spoilers, he’s just manipulative)

Sharkface; AguMon-GreyMon-SkullGreyMon-BlackWarGreyMon (he gets some dragons. I feel like it kinda combines fire and sharks as well, because teeth for chomp’n)

[colorfoolcandy]

Here’s a a fun tidbit! I’ve been working on a design for my future attempts at Vtubing! I’ve seriously been working on this for about two years now maybe? 

I’ve always had trouble feeling like a username really stuck. I left my original popular one because I had one of those, that’s the old you you need a new you, phases where I was slightly embarrassed by what my old work seemed to center around. Mostly it was me making a lot of suggestive artwork and I wasn’t as into that anymore. Still not a great idea to leave the one account that actually had a teensy bit of clout, but too late now! Sorry anyway, the username Chimera Candy came to be as I always felt it difficult to come up with a singular aspect of myself to put forward as the artsona to represent me as a whole. I love just about all colors, I liked the idea of being represented by various animals, foods, etc. So Chimera was a perfect way to handle the mixed themes I saw for myself! Then the designing part! I wanted to try to reference a bunch of 90′s nostalgia toys :Worms on Strings, Tamagotchi, Polly Pocket. Beanie Baby Etc. As well as fashion that was sort of reminiscent of 90′s/00′s. There are definitely Lisa Frank vibes. 

The jump from the first to second design was a result of me worrying the asymmetry and various patterns would be too much for rigging properly. Besides what’s more 90′s than overalls right? The next major jump was because I’m not a fan of shorts at all, so trying to lengthen the overalls felt necessary. Plus I had learned a lot more from watching other vtubers draw their vtuber models and wanted to try out different proportions. Not much changed between this model and the next. Hair went from purple to brown, since my hair is brown and I wanted it to be a little less fantastical and closer to myself. I removed a lot of the 90′s toys as I didn’t want to have to worry about anything that could be copyright on my vtuber. 

From there it’s mostly hair style, eyes style, different outfit variations, what type of animal aspects I wanted to put where, and if I wanted to go more fantasy or more realistic to myself, etc. However, none of them every felt...right. It’s hard to explain. You can see I even basically finished the entire artwork for the 8th design. You can also see I started to return back to the first design because I really did like aspects of it! I think part of the problem was that I has drawn myself too skinny. Like yes she’s a thicker girl, but I had struggled in the past with really accepting my chub and felt it was time to lean more into that. I also felt the Chimera wasn’t coming through enough. She just kinda looked like a cat girl with horns and dragon wings?  That’s when I decided to try something a bit different. I knew it was a risk as not many people would want to draw a half person, half animal character to this degree but centaur felt right! That brings us to the most current iteration. The animals picked for my chimera were Tiger/Lion, Unicorn, and Snake/Dragon. I feel like this design shows that the most, especially Snake/Dragon which I feel was definitely missing from previous designs! I also wanted to add more candy reference so her shirt is supposed to subtly give a pinata sort of feel. This design has a lot going on! I know! But... I think I’m on the right track! Who knows there may be more, probably definitely more iterations in the future but...I’m enjoying myself!

[felassan]

Dragon Age development insights from David Gaider - PART 4

This information came from DG on a recent SummerfallStudios Twitch stream where he gave developer commentary while Liam Esler continued playing DAO from where they had left off in Part 1, 2 and 3. I transcribed it in case there’s anyone who can’t watch the stream (for example due to connection/tech limitations, data, time constraints, personal accessibility reasons, etc). A lot of it is centered on DAO, but there’s also insights into other parts of the franchise. Some of it is info which is known having been put out there in the past, and some of it is new. There’s a bit of overlap or repetition with topics covered in Parts 1-3. This post leaps from topic to topic as it’s a transcript of a conversational format. It’s under a cut due to length.

The stream can currently be watched back here. Next week LE will be streaming a different DAO playthrough with commentary from another guest. Two weeks from now LE and DG will return to continue this playthrough for another stream session like this one.

(Part 5, Part 6)

[wording and opinions DG’s, occasionally LE’s; paraphrased]

The Loghain sequences, where it jumps out of the HoF’s point of view to let the player see what Loghain is up to, were added quite late on in development. Some of the dream sequences (like the HoF’s dream of the Archdemon) were also probably added quite late. Those sequences were added as they felt that they needed to have more indication of the larger goings-on in terms of what Loghain was up to, since they had cut some stuff that was meant to have shown this. Cutting things can be funny like that as you’re then left trying to explain the holes.

An original Archdemon concept drawing had them as a lot more demonic as opposed to draconic, with blank all-black faces, a giant ornate crown, smoke, tentacles and a Cthulhu-esque feel. Things change a lot during the concept phase however. At the time, DG wasn’t sure if he liked the changing of the ‘demon’ into a ‘dragon’, but over time he digs it - it sorta implies some things about the nature of dragons in the world that they later decided “yes, that is probably the case”. They then worked that more into the lore so that dragons weren’t just there to be huge lizards. Given the difficulty the team had modelling things like tentacles and snakes, the original Archdemon concept would probably have been iterated on and would’ve had to become something else eventually anyway.

Having the party camp was probably always part of James Ohlen’s plan. Originally, there was going to be different camps in specific places around the map. They then made it a sort of ‘pocket area’ that the player always ‘took with them’, but here they had problems figuring out things like what would happen if the player rested while in an interior location as opposed to somewhere out in the wilderness, “like, does that change it?” For a while there was a complicated system where the party members would do things in camp that would give the player items and help out in such ways - like a party member who made potions, ones that could be interacted with and asked to craft, a whole crafting system relating to that, etc (this all got cut). This was supposed to act as a reason for the player to return to camp and have more interactions at camp; they didn’t want the camp just to be ‘the place you go just to talk to followers’. A good portion of the team considered dialogue to be boring and not an activity that was engaged in.

As soon as hair/beard hair came past the ‘clipping plane’ of the neck, they had real trouble getting it to move due to lack of proper cloth physics and the troubles they had with hair. Beards were rectangular strips that dangled from the chin with the beard texture attached to it. Sometimes certain points were connected to the chest which is why there’s the weird stretching if models move in certain ways. This happens with robes as well. The reason they did this is so that there’s no clipping. For some reason the BW animation team was so averse to clipping compared to other games from elsewhere which sometimes have a bit of clipping that they’re actually not fussed about. At one point they had a big fight on the DA team because the art team said “We need to make every entrance and doorway [including tents] about twice the size that it is, about Shale-size specifically, because of Shale” because they were worried that there would be scenes where Shale would clip through the wall, and about how this would look to players. Others responded that it’d be rare where Shale would be seen going through a door and also that nobody really cares (as in it’s not a big deal). DG half-seriously suggested that instead of making every door bigger, have it so that after entering the door’s texture at the sides and above it would look cracked and have an outline of Shale’s arms and head as if she’d just barreled her way through the stonework. In the end Shale’s size was reduced as a solution to this (so Shale was originally intended to be a lot larger). This is an example of a place where different parts of the team had different priorities in development. It was pointed out that in the end having giant doors may not have made much difference, as every interior in DA is massive in terms of floor and ceiling-space, as well as items (huge jugs of ale etc) anyway.

Weapons and staves hover on characters’ backs due to the team’s aforementioned aversion to clipping. Originally there were plans for scabbards and straps, but they didn’t have the resources for these and they were also concerned about staves clipping through straps, especially when being ‘drawn’ for combat, even though that would just be a second or so. So this is why we instead have floating magnetically-attached-looking weapons.

DG wrote Nature of the Beast including all of the Brecilian Forest, it’s possibly his favorite plot/questline out of the ones he wrote for DAO. It’s one of the plots that survived best from first inception to final result. One of the prominent cultural features of Ferelden is the werewolves, and so DG had to make ‘the werewolf plot’. All the initial plots were split up like that (the werewolf plot, the dwarf plot, etc). Originally there was a separate ‘elf plot’ but it got joined together with the werewolf one. DG had an idea for a being that was like male and female, terrible and kind, beautiful and horrible and so forth - both at once, like the way nature is. This was the vague initial idea from which this plot grew. The nature spirit encountered is the flipside of the being. The spirit of the forest is both male and female, or something akin to being bigender (both rather than neither). There’s not much difference between the Lady and Witherfang. DG finds it so weird hearing the DAO Dalish elves’ American accents (since their accents were changed for the next game). The American Dalish elf accents bugged DG enough that when they got to DA2, he said to Caroline Livingstone “can we just retcon this” and she was like “yeah”. “I think we underestimated how weird prevalent American accents in the game alongside the British ones would be”. Zathrian is voiced by Tim Russ (Tuvok from Star Trek).

The Cammen-Gheyna plot is a fairly ‘nothing-y’ sidequest relatively speaking, but is so complex in terms of how many options and paths through it that it has that DG got a big of a finger-wagging for it and some people were not happy. LE commented that this quest is “an extremely Gaider plot”, as the player can ruin everyone’s lives in it. Gheyna’s pronunciation of Andaran atish'an is incorrect. This phrase is one of the ones that got mixed up in the pronunciation guide and one of the ones that when they got to DA2, DG was like “ignore what we did before, here’s the new pronunciation files”. One of the first ‘images’ the team had of the Dalish was that they had reindeer-like creatures that pulled the aravels. In DAO aravels look more like standard wagons than the ones in the ‘images’, and they weren’t shown properly. Aravels are wagons but they’re supposed to have big sails (not naval-style sails on top) all over the place to catch the wind, so that they look like a bunch of ships being drawn across a field. They got closer to how they’re supposed to be in DAI. At one point the artists sat DG down and asked him what should set the Dalish apart visually. “Funny you should ask, I have some very specific ideas about what the Dalish should look like that have just never been done”. [I think here he meant hadn’t yet been implemented in the franchise] “Oh, we just thought they were ‘people with wagons’.” “Nobody reads documentation...”

The lamps in the Brecilian Forest are a bit random. They put light sources everywhere and it seems like the Brecilian lamp thing was art-asset use that boiled down to “guess it’s an elven forest?”. The Deep Roads were supposed to be properly dark. The team had a lot of conversations over how dark they could or should make the Deep Roads. They constantly had beams of light coming from above and it was like “this is supposed to be like a mile underground, why are there sunbeams coming through cracks in the ceiling” - the answer is it looks good and they didn’t want to do proper darkness. By DAI, they got closer to the ‘look’ the Deep Roads are supposed to have. This is a recurring theme in the DA franchise lol. “This was a weakness in our team and processes, that it took two titles before we got on board with each other and with the vision.” But they had plenty of good strengths too! DG wishes they had iterated a bit more on the werewolves’ look.

“Evil options” was always one of the big conversations that they had. DG wasn’t a fan of the evil options because they mostly boiled down to being a big jerk. The reason for this is a lengthy design discussion that relies on interface - proper, smart evil usually implies some kind of deception, and how do you indicate to the player that the option they’re about to take has a more cleverly-sinister aspect to it (as opposed to simple Intimidate options)? They didn’t really enjoy just letting the player run around being an asshole to people, “do we have to service this hyuk-hyuk-hyuk, particular type of enjoyment?” DG wishes they had figured out how to do the evil stuff a little better (feeling that in a game, doing good has less merit unless there’s temptation to do evil, and that evil paths should be more materially rewarding). 

DG wrote The Dawn Will Come with some help from PW and Karin Weekes. It was the first song he wrote. Trevor Morris sent him the tune and he listened to it many times and wrote out the lyrics. PW and KW helped him make it “less awkward and cringey”. “They’re very good at that”. PW is good at poetry, KW is more musical and knows more about music. “If you get something which is as ridiculous as it is memorable, it’s probably Sheryl. If you get something that’s beautiful prose, it’s probably Mary. Something in-between is probably PW.” The DAI bardsongs were written by an external party brought in specially to do so. This required a fair bit of review and revision to make sure they followed DA lore. “It’s a problem we’ve always had trying to work with third parties, they tend to think that anything that falls under the umbrella of ‘medieval fantasy’ would fit in DA”. (Here DG groaned a bit thinking about Orson Scott Card.)

On the Grand Oak and co: “After I finished writing this I totally regretted it. It’s a big dialogue and there’s a lot involved in this quest. Do you know how hard it is to make somebody rhyme in a way that’s not completely cringey for the entire dialogue? I was three quarters into it and I so wanted to stop but I was past the point of no return. But I did it! And it worked out.” The Grand Oak should have been a LotR-style ent-like being in terms of animations and presence. When DG sees the Oak’s stationary pose he’s reminded of Silence of the Lambs. When he finished the Grand Oak and hermit quest he was like “I make way more trouble for myself than I should”. The Hermit cycles through random animations outside of conversation because he’s supposed to be twitchy and weird.

The haunted empty camp side encounter was a pain for the tech designers to make work because there’s no NPC to talk to. It was a pain whenever companions had to offer critical information like in these sorts of parts in fact, as they had to write 9 versions of each ‘line’ (1 for each companion).

There are certain spells/abilities in D&D that can make a GM’s life frustrating, such as teleportation, telling the future, resurrection. The fact that death is not permanent, for instance, should be a huge thing that affects society and how the people in it view death. This is why they were thinking stuff like “If every low-level mage in the setting had a skill like ‘Charm Person’, what would non-mages make of that?” This ties back to discussions in previous part/s where there are lore rules like no teleportation. DA was originally envisioned as a low-magic setting, but this didn’t last long [this subject is also covered in previous part/s]. The rules of magic didn’t really change though, they just weren’t really communicated that well to the other teams in the early days. They slowly realized that it was incumbent on the design team to explain and sell to the other teams the vision, not just expect them to read documentation. They were also constantly fighting against their own presuppositions of “DA is like D&D”.

Desire demons were supposed to be genderless. DG isn’t a fan of how the Fade turned out in DAO. The quests themselves were too long; they couldn’t do all the original plans they had for them so there was a lot of iteration, “then we ended up settling for something not very exciting”. Another big fight the team had was about whether they should have permanent death since DA was a more realistic world? One side’s argument was that ‘if you don’t allow for resurrection then we can’t have death in combat’. DG wondered if there was a different dichotomy they could get to but didn’t want to dictate how combat should work or tell combat designers how to do their job, as he wasn’t the one doing that work.

One of the best moves they made when working on DAI was the concept artist consulting cosplayers. This was good work not only in a fashion sense but also in that it led to making outfits for characters that someone could actually wear (contrast those with Sebastian’s outfit, which DG remembers cosplayers having trouble making functional/wearable and putting together). DG really wasn’t keen at all on Cole’s hat. When designing the clothing-clothing in DAO, the artists were trying to get the most variation for clothing out of assembling pieces. For the sake of variation they allowed pieces to go together that really shouldn’t go together. This allowed for a larger number of clothing options to be made out of a smaller number of clothing models/textures.

In Neverwinter Nights they added a “jiggle mesh” to the engine, it was used in only one place (Aribeth’s cleavage).

Writers are the first ones that jump onto a project, so when last touches and polish is being added to a game they’re often not aware of it. Once the writing is more or less locked down for a game, they start working on the next project. On every project at some point they had to have what they called the “profanity meeting”, where they decide what types of profanity exist in that world, what level of profanity they’re accepting, establishing the standard on this front, etc. This leads to fun meetings where they go through every profanity that they know and try to create new ones. “Maker’s breath!” and “Void take you!” are some of these kinds of things. They needed exclamations akin to “Goddamnit” but which made sense in this fantasy setting (“Goddamnit” implies the context of God, and the concept of damning, for example, so it doesn’t hold up) and weren’t just word substitution like “frack” instead of fuck or something.

The Grey Wardens gained their trademark blue and silver uniformed look for DA2. When the new art director Matt Goldman came on before DA2, he wanted to re-approach a number of things such as the darkspawn (mentioned in previous parts) and the Wardens. He wanted factions like the Wardens to be more uniform and easily identifiable at a distance by silhouettes and colors. He wanted factions to be more visually distinct and to introduce more color in general, as DAO was very brown and muddy. This was something of a standing mission of his when he came onto the project. He disliked the idea that there wasn’t anything unifying or distinct or ‘easily identifiable as a DAO screenshot’ about DAO screenshots, other than that brown muddiness. 

Deciding how to design the Lady of the Forest was a long conversation due to the potential nsfw elements. It was a long haul to get her to look a certain way.

The thing DG found easiest/least painful to write was probably Zevran’s dialogue. He felt less pressure about it and had a bit more fun with it. Zevran has a certain story about trust that DG found pleasurable to build on; Zevran had grown up with a certain expectation of deceit and trauma, and when confronted with earnest feelings, that was the more puzzling part for [Zevran] to process. “When you expect everyone around you to deceive you, you’re kinda like, okay, this is life. But then to figure out, ‘oh, I guess it doesn’t need to be that way’, well how do you even... not?” DG remembers straight male players complaining on the forum after accepting Zevran’s massage tent-invite and not clocking that that was an invite of a certain nature. Overall Zevran was a more relaxed piece of writing for him. Shale came later but writing Shale was also a lot of fun. Like HK-47, “you can string together a few quirks that you find amusing and people will still treat that like a character and love it”.

In DA2 there was an entire subplot centered around the Carta and Varric. It spanned all three Acts. Mary Kirby had written it to completion and it was good. DG had to tell her it was among the cuts they needed to do because it was written a bit later relative to other stuff and because cutting it offered the most return according to the schedule and resources/subsequent downstream work. In cases like these they sometimes take the cut plotbeats and put it in a ‘box’, in the hopes that they may be able to use it for DLC or something later on. In practise this doesn’t happen very often at all. On DAO it did happen once with Shale. Shale was cut from DAO and had to be moved to become Day 1 DLC. Work on Shale therefore took place after most of the game had been finished. If they hadn’t done this, she would have been cut completely. It also sort of happened on DAO with Loghain. It originally had a whole plotline in Denerim involving him which had the player figuring out his background, motivations and interacting more with Anora. All of that got cut (requiring the cutscenes mentioned at the start of this post being added), and this is where the idea came of writing a novel (The Stolen Throne). This occurred in the period when the game had been delayed and DG particularly regretted that particular cut. He thought, “I could take this story that you were going to learn about the history of Loghain and his relationship with Cailan, and rescue it in a way.” [source]

[Part 1]

[Part 2]

[Part 3]

[Part 5]

[Part 6]

[‘Insights into DA dev from the Gamers For Groceries stream’ transcript]

[neokids]

Fortune's Fool: Act XII

Masterlist (read previous and future ones here!)

Act XII

Tw: Lots of blood, character death, violence, murder, guns, knives, weapons, foul language, self-inflicted wounds, suicide, overall graphic content

When night fell in Seoul, it remained as bright as it was during the day. Yes it was a bit more quiet, but still the glowing neon signs from the shops and other bars made up for sunlight. The only things that could be heard in the city would be the distant sound of music and the buzzing of wires. In the eyes of a foreigner, one would say Seoul is peaceful. They do not know the danger slowly eating the city alive. They do not know that beneath the mask of calm and peace, remained a city run by violence. This time violence, but madness would soon start its reign.

In the clamor, a dancer who had just finished her night shift exited a club. She hugged her faux fur jacket close to her figure, feeling the cold wind wind of Seoul brush through her. She shook her head to free her hair from her ribbons that have been tied there all day, the sudden release calming her down. Her ribbons were a bright royal purple in color, signifying her alliance with the Viper Gang. She wore the ribbons on her wrist to keep her safe as she walked through the deep alleys where Viper gangsters remained, a sign that she is on their side and would not cause any hassle.

The dancer shivered as she continued to walk, quite certain no one was following her. She looked behind her to see no one there, she was at ease. Nevertheless, she felt someone watching every move she took. With that feeling creating an unsettling emotion bubble in her stomach, she started to quicken her pace.

A few moments passed, and the dancer completely halted in her steps. Leaving the dull buzzing of the electrical wires fill her sense of hearing. She thought she had heard panting near her, but she saw no one. The more she listened, the more she heard the droplets of water hitting the ground. Droplets of water that weren’t there before.

The more she focused, the more her sense of hearing widened. She felt the presence of someone with her.

But the thing is, it wasn’t someone. It was something.

It revealed itself from the shadows, its thorns shining in the dark. It looked like someone had placed ten daggers all along its back. It raised its head to make eye contact with the poor dancer, a pair of opaque silver eyes stared back.

The dancer flees, panic overcoming her entire body. She ran as fast as she could in her heels, ultimately causing her to trip and stumble to a fisherman who wore the wrong colors.

The Neo caught sight of her and her purple ribbon tied to her wrist, he was ready to fight.

“You!” He bellows, “Are you lost?”

He mistook the dancer’s shocked silence as confusion, the dancer thought he would help her. As soon as he approached her, he whipped his gun out.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching out on our boundaries,” the dancer explained as she reached for her gun strapped on her thigh, “Bloody Vipers,” he spat through grit teeth, “You think you can stroll here anytime you want, don’t you?”

He aims the pistol at her, the dancer shaking while holding her own gun. “Y-you don’t understand, something is back there and it’s coming–”

A sudden splash broke their tension. The dancer felt droplets of water hit her exposed leg and when she looked down, the water was tar black.

She sprints to her right, ducking at the alleyway. The fisherman mistook her fast pace as a sign of war and so gunshots were fired. When she had got away to shield herself from the Han river, her whole body was already shaking.

Then something erupted from the Han River

Soon enough, screams resonated all throughout the night.

The dancer had sat in her hiding place, muttering all the prayers she knew. Eyes closed tight as her knees were brought to her chest, whole body shaking. The only thing that had caused her to stop, was when she heard nothing at all. The screams were now dead silent, the only thing that could be heard was the constant buzzing of the electrical wires. The dancer willed herself to get up and go back to the scene, only for something horrible to unravel in front of her.

The fisherman, along with several other people, had dropped dead on the floor. Throats scratched until blood was seeping to the floors.

Along with that, she found several insects skittling and bumping towards each other before jumping to the Han river.

. . .

Yeji smoothed the fabric of her dress down, her chauffeur taking her to the address Karina provided her. She was on her way to Secretary-General Jinyoung Park’s office, hopefully able to find something before she would return home. She always wore a beaded flapper dress, similar to the ones Western girls wore when she was in America. In order to blend-in, she had to look like everyone else. She had to wear her roaring 20s hanbok and finger curl her hair.

Jinyoung Park was a very secretive person. He was the chief editor of a newspaper called The Korea Press, and their address was supposed to be public information. Yeji had expected a somewhat formal corporate office, people in suits and formal attire. She did not expect a bunch of workers running around the tight office with typewriters clutched in their hands as they frantically screamed and demanded about the latest update being pressed.

As she walked in the building, she held her chin high. Yeji couldn’t help wrinkle her nose as she eyed the mess that is this office. She didn’t bother stopping by the front desk, they were Rovers weren’t they? Surely they would let her wander around until she stumbles upon Jinyoung Park’s office right?

Yeji smiled to herself.

As she weaved through the chaotic establishment, she snagged a random notebook and pen in attempts of making herself look busy. She made her way to the basement, the sudden brightness suddenly starting to fade. The whole basement level was darker than the floors above it, they didn’t bother putting in more artificial illumination. The whole level was made out of solid cement, from the floors all the way to the ceiling. It wouldn’t surprise Yeji if she found out that this establishment was used as a prison before turning it into this.

She continued striding forward, her heels clacking loudly in the process. She examined and took a look at all the nooks and crannies of the prison-like office. Everyone and everything was so chaotic that they did not mind her presence at all, it was like she wasn’t there in the first place. All the workers were busy writing, making phone calls, or scribbling down notes. As Yeji scanned the desks she passed by, one desk caught her attention. There seemed to be one desk that was unoccupied, she was even more intrigued when she saw a note pasted on the clipboard: MEMO FOR JINYOUNG PARK

She quickly ducked under the desk, searching for all files she deemed useful. She found nothing but old newspapers and drafts for new ones. Why was this desk empty? Yeji thought. Surely this desk did not belong to Jinyoung Park who had his own space, she found her hands wandering to a certain opened drawer. She found drawings.

When she saw the first one, she broke out in a cold sweat. It was a drawing of wide, snake-like eyes. The other drawing was of claws and claw marks, impossible made by an animal on earth. She felt the tiny hairs on her neck spike up.

“Goemul,” Yeji breathed, a monster.

Before she could think over her actions, she quickly snatched one of the drawings, the one where it showed its enitery, and folded it as she tucked it in her pocket. It joined the masquerade invitation she had forgotten about, causing her to feel annoyed again. She stood up after glancing around the room, making sure no one was watching her. She wiped the sweat from her palms as she marched out the basement floor.

Yeji paused suddenly, hearing and seeing the door behind her shuddering.

Suddenly, all Yeji could think about was the drawing folded in her pocket. She reached for the doorknob hesitantly, fear almost clouding her vision. “Hello?” She said quite hoarsely, “Is someone–”

“Who are you? What are you doing here?”

She leaped away from the door, the door stopped shuddering. She quickly turned around.

“Oh, me?”

The man wore a strange hat, his suit being more Western than the rest of the people here. Judging by the way he carried himself, and his arrogant stare, he was of high ranks. Possibly along the ranks of Jinyoung Park, he was definitely not a mere assistant.

“I came to talk to your chief-editor,” Yeji continued, “I got a bit lost.”

“The exit is that way,” The man said, pointing to his left. It was something about the way he said it, he was treating Yeji like a lost child who got separated from her parents in a theme park. Yeji did not like anything about it.

Her blank face immediately morphed into a cold, wide smile.

“Official Viper business,” She said, chin held high. “My father, Lord Hwang, sent me here.”

There was a moment of silence, the man digesting her words. You could see the man’s expression suddenly turn into discomfort. Still, he smiled and gestured for her to follow him.

The man did not bother hiding his impatience, he ascended the staircase three steps at a time. Yeji, however, took her sweet time as she looked around the establishment. The contrast between the prison-like basement and the prestigious first floor levels was abrupt. The Rovers only cared what the common people saw, which were the first floor levels. They wanted to come across as established, known, accomplished.

Yeji eyed all the designer clothing that the workers on this floor adorned, they were much different than the workers who looked underpaid in the basement. When Yeji brought her attention back to the man, the man was already waving her impatiently towards him. With a huff, she followed suit.

The both took a turn around the corner as the man led her towards a spacious waiting room. The waiting room had two parallel rows of waiting chairs, placed directly on the opposite sides of the walls. Yeji finally understood his impatience, seeing as there was already another person there.

Jeno cocked his head forward.

“What are you doing here?!” They both demanded in unison.

As soon the man felt the tense air of the place, he removed himself from the situation quietly. As soon as the man was nowhere to be seen, Jeno jumped from his seat and grabbed Yeji’s arm. She was so offended that he even dared to touch her that she stood grounded to her place, rage bubbling in her stomach. Jeno had already moved them to the corner of the waiting room, making the cold wall hit Yeji’s back. Only then was Yeji able to react.

“Let. Go. Of. Me.” She hissed, trying to shake her arm away from his grip. Jeno must have heard the same things, causing him to gather information for himself as well.

Yeji bit back a curse. If the Neos found answers first, the whole of the Viper gang was doomed. If the Neos knew more than they did, people would start putting their trust more in them. People would start fleeing to their side, leaving the Neos to prosper while the Vipers to suffer.

“Listen,” Jeno snapped, “you have to leave.”

Yeji couldn’t believe what she was hearing, “I have to leave?”

“Yes,” Jeno muttered as he reached up to examine Yeji’s dangling pearl earring. He made eye contact with her fiery eyes, flicking the dangling pearl in the process. The pearl had hit her jaw, causing her to fight back the breath threatening to her throat, she wanted to scream at his face so hard right now, but she knew better.

“I was here first,” Jeno said as he placed his palm on the side of her head, “Go play dress-up somewhere else.”

Dress-up? Was this all Yeji was to him? When she wasn’t in her usual clothing? Just a dress-up? But she did not care.

“This is Viper territory.”

“These people are Rovers, you hold no bearing nor power over them whatsoever.”

Yeji grit her teeth hard, he was right. The only thing she found comforting was that Jeno didn’t look too confident either. If she had no bearing over them, that meant he didn’t either. The man Yeji met earlier immediately shut up as soon as he discovered Yeji’s identity, the neutrality was a good thing in this situation.

“Our relationship with the Rovers is, and will always be, none of your business.” Yeji refuted, “No if you would excuse me, please get out of my face.”

Jeno only narrowed his eyes at her, taking it as a threat.

“I am not going anywhere.”

God, the audacity of this man. Yeji straightened to her full height, holding her head up high. She was in heels, their height difference wasn't much. “I won’t say this again,” Yeji breathed, toxicity lacing her voice. “Get out of my face. Now.”

Jeno held her stare a second longer. Slowly, he backed away from her. As he stepped back, he scrubbed his hands to his eyes. Yeji glared at him while making the act, but she realized it was an act of exhaustion. The shadow underneath Jeno’s eyes a bit more prominent, eyes a little red.

“Have you not been getting sleep lately?” Yeji finds herself suddenly asking, her question startled both her and the man in front of her. With Jeno striding a few steps away, she found herself wanting to kill him less.

“I’ll have you know,” Jeno turned back to her, his hands finding its way to his pockets. “That I am very much well, thank you.”

“I wasn’t asking about your well-being.”

“Oh just give it a rest, Yeji.”

Yeji folded her arms, not quite believing his words. She had heard of the news last night of the dancer and the fishermen, a number of deaths on the side of the Neos suddenly spiking up. It meant that Jeno wasn’t gonna leave because Yeji had told him off, he needed an answer just as she did. Death was already on its way to his door.

“Is that his office?” Yeji asked as she nodded towards the door in front of them, she didn’t need to explain some more as she saw Jeno nod in the corner of her eyes. “Jinyoung Park is disciplined, he won’t take any line-jumpers. Don’t even try.”

Try what? She wanted to ask nastily, she couldn’t possibly engage in a gunfight with Jeno right now. She needed an answer so they really needed to be civil, at least for this time being.

Yeji hastily stomped down towards a chair and sat down. She lifted her gaze towards the ceiling, looking at the cracks and chipped paint of the poor paint job. She made sure to look at anything else. She dug her hand into her pockets, feeling the folded drawing crease in her hands. The drawing didn’t confirm what the role of the Rovers was, but it was something. From the drawing’s blurry and harsh lines, she knew it was near the docks of the Han river.

Meanwhile, Jeno returned to his seat opposite the row where Yeji sat. He kept her gaze pinpointed on her, focusing on her whole-being. Much to Yeji’s annoyance, she could feel his burning stare directed towards her. She felt like she was being inspected, each sweep of his eyes, she felt like being torn apart piece by piece. The longer he stared at her, the more Yeji could feel the sudden rush creeping up her neck, coloring her neck and ears with discomfort and rage.

She wanted to skin herself alive, anything to make his attention turn elsewhere. He was just looking for heaven’s sake, people look all the time. Yeji decided that she would just have to wait until Jinyoung Park could finally meet her and–

“What?” Yeji snapped, unable to take his stare any longer. He did not say anything, he just looked at her again. Finally, she tore her gaze away from him.

Jeno let out an amused noise, as he turned his attention towards the door. “What’s got you so worked up?”

“For the last time, it is, and alway will be, none of your business.”

“If it has something to do with the madness then–”

“Bold of you to assure that it had something to do with with the–”

Jeno roared, “Will you let me finish my goddamn sen–”

The door then slammed open, revealing a very stressed assistant as she gestured for Jeno to come inside. Before joining Jinyoung Park, he gave Yeji a huff. This isn’t over.

Yeji had to wait an antagonizing wait. She tapped her foot impatiently and aggressively, her fingers playing with each other. She cracked her knuckles every few minutes as she played with the hem of her skirt now and then. As she felt like a thousand years, the door cracked open.

It was clear, Jeno’s blue head of hair hung low as his shoulders slouched, that he wasn’t able to get the intel he needed. He was met with Yeji’s knowing stare. She mocked him, pitied him. Jeno’s ways of persuasion had no limits, he was a liar through and through. Stopping at nothing until he got what he wanted.

“Don’t look so smug,” Jeno hissed, causing Yeji to chuckle.

“That’s just my face.” She replied as she stood up, chin held high as she entered Jinyoung Park’s office.

“Well if it isn’t my lucky day.” Jinyoung Park said once Yeji sat in front of him. He quickly put aside his letter and pen as he eyed Yeji, and then the door. “First it was the prince of the Neos, now we have the proud heiress of the Vipers. What can I do for you, Miss Hwang?”

Yeji briefly took in his plain office. She saw a few framed pictures of him and guessing his wife on the shelves behind the Rover. The office didn’t look old, nor did it look new. It was just as plain as any regular office, nothing special. Yeji turned her gaze back to Jinyoung Park, letting out a relaxed smile.

“You know how rumors travel nowadays, right Mr. Park?” She asked as she squinted, looking at her fingernails. “You won’t ever guess what I heard the other day,”

Jinyoung Park leaned forward, mildly curious and entertained. “Do tell, Miss Hwang.”

“They say–” Yeji leaned forward as well, like a classmate telling another classmate a secret, “that you know what caused this madness.”

Jinyoung Park didn’t say anything, he remained silent after a beat had passed. He looked at Yeji, blinking rapidly this time. “I have no clue what you–they are talking about.”

Yeji raised her brows, an innocently shocked expression graced her features. “You don’t?” She asked lightly. “You didn’t come up with this madness to kill all the gangsters? So that no one would be left to rule the city? So that the people of Seoul would be under your control and command?”

She took in his astonishment, guessing that Jeno didn’t directly confront Jinyoung Park about the madness. He must have tiptoed on thin ice, not really bothering to press nor aggravate the man in question. That was very unlikely of him.

“Miss Hwang,” Jinyoung Park began, “that is–that is preposterous.”

Yeji wasn’t going anywhere at this rate, she straightened up in her seat as she crossed her legs. The typical meek flapper girl long gone, seated in front of him was the heiress of the most brutal gangs in all of Seoul.

“The truth will be revealed sooner or later,” Yeji said sternly, “I would save both of our time if you could just speak right now or else I will skin you using my–”

“Miss Hwang, it is safe to say that I could save both of our time right now,” Mr. Park interrupted, “I have no clue what you are talking about so please leave. I am working and I won’t allow your silly accusations to disturb my line of work.”

Yeji carefully thought about her next actions, it didn’t sound like Mr. Park was saying anything false, but he sounded uneasy. He kept glancing at the door as his foot tapped the floor repeatedly. Was it because of her presence? Or did he know something she did not? If he didn’t cause this madness, then what was his role?

Yeji relaxed as she leaned back in her seat, “What if I have questions regarding your political party?”

“You are welcome to stop by any of our meetings anytime, Miss Hwang.” He answered stiffly, “Otherwise, please leave.”

Yeji took her sweet time stretching and fixing the fabric of her expensive dress. With an exaggerated bow and smile, she fluttered her eyelashes at him. “Thank you for your patience and time.”

She left the office as she rolled her eyes, what now?

“Woah–” Yeji immediately staggered back as she collided with someone. The moment she looked up to see who the hell was in her way, the only thing she could see was red.

Jeno had caught her wrist before Yeji had the chance to slap him, he held her wrist as he bore into her eyes.

“Careful,” He said warningly, his tone too soft and feathery to be a threat. It was a trick, it was his way to lure Yeji’s attention to his lips in attempts of calming her down. It was working, Yeji wanted to strangle him alive for that.

“We wouldn’t want to cause a scene in a Rover establishment, right?” He asked as he gave a mocking smile.

Yeji tried to jerk her arm away from his grip, but he held her wrist in place. If Jeno did not let go in three seconds she was drawing her gun.

Jeno let go.

She quickly tugged her wrist back, smoothing the area of skin where Jeno had gripped. When Jeno still remained in his place, she demanded, “Why are you still standing in front of me?”

Innocently, Jeno pointed to the chairs. “I left my hat,”

“You weren’t even wearing a–” True enough, there indeed was a hat. He simply shrugged as he went to pick it up, tipping it to Yeji as he hid his blue hair. She hurriedly made her way to the exit as she was finally able to breathe the air of the outside. She tugged her coat closer to herself as her hands found warmth in her pockets, she froze.

“He better not have…” Yeji fished the paper from her pockets, she only had one paper left. To her fortune, she was greeted with a pair of monster eyes staring back at her, she let out a breath of relief.

Yeji scoffed, Jeno had gotten the masquerade ball invitation.

“Fool,” she muttered before finally walking away.

[beevean]

How about a top 5 (or 10 if you prefer) best and worst bosses in video games? :D

I’m not very well versed in videogames, but anyway...

WORST

10) Chaos 4 (Sonic Adventure): Not a big fan of bosses who waste so much time - ooh, look at that, trying to hit me with very slow, very telegraphed attacks, and taking more and more time to becomes vulnerable the more the fight progresses. Also not a big fan of Tactical Suicide Bosses (excuse me Chaos, why is your strategy “stay in the water for increasingly amounts of time and then decide to raise my head to breathe”? In this form you’re a fish!). Even less of a fan of bosses that you have to fight three times to complete the game.

9) Sonic and Diablon (Shadow the Hedgehog): They couldn’t have come up with a more boring boss if they tried. Shoot the shield, shoot the cannon, avoid the hand, run away when you hear the word “anti-matter”, kick Sonic in the head, slowly chip at the large energy bar, rinse and repeat. The G.U.N. Fortress version is particularly painful, too, as the arena only offers those piss poor pistols with 10 bullets and minimal damage. And much like Chaos 4, you have to fight this lovely boss three times to get to the Last Story, except you don’t even get a different character with different abilities. Also, poor Sonic, from protagonist of the series reduced to nothing more than a footstep.

8) Collision Chaos boss (Sonic CD): Try to play a boss that relies on wonky pinball physics, that shoots projectiles with the only purpose of changing your already precarious trajectory, in the Bad Future that adds slightly more bumpers to destroy, with the American music (I linked the extended version to properly depict the experience). Pain is real.

7) Egg Pinball (Sonic Advance 3): Surprise! I find this boss worse than the more famous Egg Chaser. Yes, the Egg Chaser is very anxiety-inducing with its bottomless pit and the ball chain sending you into it, but once you learn the pattern of the platforms and that Amy as a partner makes it a joke it’s not that bad. This one, though? Even with Amy/Sonic, which is the only team where your partner is useless but you aren’t, this boss relies too much on luck, expecially by the end when way too many balls are flying across the screen. It’s almost funny, in a “screw you” way, that this is one of the two bosses in the game that can’t be hit by Cheese, in the stage where you finally unlock Cream. Pinball and Sonic don’t mix as well as Sonic Team thinks, apparently.

6) Boost Guardian (Metroid Prime 2, Gamecube): This boss’ strategy isn’t even that bad, it’s just that it hits you like a truck in an environment that is already sipping you of health. If being hit was less punishing, guessing the correct timing to jump over it would be fun. Too overkill for its placement in the game.

5) Mother Brain (Metroid Zero Mission): MB in the original Metroid 1 was... there, with the difficulty of the final boss coming from those stupid Rinkas pushing you into the lava below. In the remake, which otherwise is much easier than the original game, you have to think about the Rinkas, the lava, and MB who shots you fireballs! And if you fall into the lava (and you will spend half of the time in the lava)? She closes her eye and protects her only weak spot, forcing you to wait at the mercy of the Rinkas hitting you all over again. Asshole.

4) Dark Gaia (Sonic Unleashed): Dark Gaia, as a whole, is a stain on an otherwise beautiful game. Setting aside his “character” for a while: this boss is way, WAY too long (the first time I clocked at 11 minutes, like hell I’m trying again), the Gaia Colossus phase is frustrating for how slow it is and for having a nigh-unavoidable attack, the running phase requires pitch-perfect timing otherwise say bye bye to your life, and the Super Sonic phase is essentially “slipping down the shield to run over a bunch of snakes, then QTE up your ass”. Riveting. At least it has some banging music...

3) Egg Saucer (Sonic Advance 2): The bosses in SAd2 are already questionable with their “wind pushing you backwards” physics, but this one flings you enough bullshit to make you ragequit. Whoisthisgit made an excellent video explaining everything that makes this boss such a miserable experience. I am so sorry, Knuckles, that you had to be associated with this tragedy.

2) Antlion Mecha (Sonic 2, Game Gear): So let me get this straight devs, you take a boss that is already a little too had as the first boss in the game, you put it in a console with a much smaller screen, you screw up the slope physics making it just a little too easy to slide into the antlion’s jaws (and of course you don’t have any Rings), and on top of that you make the trajectory of the projectiles random when in the Master System they were consistent? Great game design there, guys :V

1) Spider Guardian (Metroid Prime 2, Gamecube): I was never as close as bestemmiare ogni santo e pure il padre eterno as I was when I was trying to beat this abomination. I love the Ing theme, but FUCK if I wasn’t hating every single sound of it while playing, OH MY GOD I envy the people who played it on the Wii so damn much

BEST

10) Robot Carnival/Storm (Sonic Heroes): Yes! Yes, I do like this boss! I’m probably the only one, I don’t care, I find these fights cathartic, especially with Team Chaotix <3

9) Jet Drill (Sonic 3 & Knuckles): The strategy may be simple, but I love the setup of Eggman destroying an ancient garden just to kill Sonic and I love how it emphasizes how much of a reliable bro Tails is. (let’s just ignore the fact that with Tails alone this boss is a pain...)

8) Doomsday Zone (Sonic 3 & Knuckles): The series had its fair share of Super Sonic bosses, but so far no one has beaten the original. It has excellent music, you can feel the tension as you smartly redirect Eggman’s missiles to him and as you chase him down through space, and Eggman in this game is really ready to do anything to win, I love it

7) Beta mk. II (Sonic Adventure): This is probably the best part of Gamma’s campaign. 90% of it is kindergarten-easy, and then Hot Shelter and the final boss are a sudden, but welcome spike in difficulty. Beta mk. II is a far cry from any other E-series robot you’ve faced, being almost completely invulnerable, hitting you with straight up nukes, and the time is still ticking in the corner. Then you add the context of having to kill your brother, and the deceptively upbeat theme, and it becomes a memorable experience.

6) Cykka (Metroid Prime 2): The first phase is fairly boring, but Adult Cykka is really fun to fight for some reason. Not only it has a cool design, but it’s a fast-paced battle (due to having to use the Grapple Beam to swing from platform to platform) where you have to go ham on the boss at certain points (when it becomes Dark Cykka), my two favorite styles for a boss.

5) Nightmare (Metroid Fusion): A name, a certainty. This boss looks, sounds and attacks in a way that makes you feel confused and powerless. Even at it becomes a game of “climb the stairs, shoot at its ungodly face, jump around to avoid it”, it’s still tense.

4) Ridley (Super Metroid): SM isn’t famous for having great bosses, but they put all of their effort into Ridley and it shows. There’s no strategy here, it’s simply “kill him before he kills you”. At this point you’re pretty much at the peak of your strength, you went through literal Hell to get The Baby back, you’re not going to be stopped by the asshole who killed your parents.

3) Shibusawa Keiji (Yakuza 0): What a beast of a final boss. The first Dragon of Dojima is the perfect foil to Kiryu, having all of his strength and style but none of his compassion, and beating him up to a bloody pulp, especially as you see him become sloppier and sloppier, is so, so cathartic. Also, Two Dragons, what more can I say?

2) Egg Dragoon (Sonic Unleashed): Best boss in the series? I don’t know but it’s surely in the top 10, and it’s ironic that you play as the hated Werehog. Not only it has some delicious music (that generations ruined), but it’s such a fun climax after the hell and a half that is Eggmanland! On one hand, Eggman sounds seriously angry and he is ready to kill Sonic (and if you take too much time, which admittedly is hard if you’re not doing it on purpose, he is positively gleeful while he sends you into a fiery death); on the other, Sonic just rips this giant robot apart like tissue paper, and even if it’s done through QTEs, it looks awesome.

1) Kuze Daisaku (Yakuza 0): I’ll let this say it all. If I had to pick a favorite version, the fifth one was my favorite to fight (by that point you have likely upgraded Kiryu’s abilities to the point of making him a juggernaut), but the second one is iconic for a reason... multiple, in fact. “DIE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

Special mention to Majima in Y1, YK and YK2 because he looks really fun, but I have never faced him myself so yeah.

[bee-not-afraid]

since im officially finished with lost judgment now im gonna dump a bunch of thoughts on it below (heavy spoilers, obviously). overall I really liked it! but it’s an rgg game, so of course i still have some complaints lol

- I know rggs doesn’t have a great track record with women but dear god. this game felt like a huge step back after y7. the fridging of sawa-sensei is EXTREME and yagami sounds like such a broken record for the whole second half of the game. its all just sawa-sensei this and sawa-sensei that. yagami barely knew the woman and he props her up as some kind of pure angelic martyr. yes what happened to her was tragic and she deserved better but i seriously think yagami talked more about her than he ever did emi terasawa... and the fact that she was his SOLE rebuttal against kuwana’s actions sucks and leads me to my next point...

- it is baffling to me that this game can feature a plotline where a bunch of high school bullies learn and grow and become better more empathetic people, while at the same time condoning kuwana’s serial killings. the game goes out of its way to never explicitly condemn the fact that kuwana commits murder, with several main characters straight up agreeing with him and yagami only objecting on grounds of sawa-sensei getting caught up in it. like did none of the bullies kuwana killed ever grow and change? were none of them capable of redemption? did none of them grow to genuinely regret their actions? and what about the former students kuwana blackmails? we get to see that mamiya is fairly unrepentant, but are the rest of them? did none of them feel genuine remorse? is being forced into aiding with murder a fair punishment? did akaike deserve to die? the game never gives us enough information to be able to answer these questions, but I’m more disturbed by the fact that the game never even asks those questions in the first place.

- that said, I did really like some of the major themes of this game. I agree with its notion of the law as something that is flawed and in need of continual changes and improvements. and I really liked the point about how we should never accept a ‘necessary evil’ and should instead try to fix/change the system until the evil is no longer necessary. and the idea that taking justice into one’s own hands is dangerous because there’s no accountability. good stuff.

- i appreciated how the mystery in this was a bit more unconventional. technically there’s still a serial murder case but it gets solved fairly quickly in the grand scheme of things and then the mystery shifts to ‘what the fuck is going on with rk anyway.’ the first judgment was a fairly standard whodunnit type noir mystery so this was refreshingly different! and thank god they fixed the pacing. once lost judgment picked up steam it just kept going and it really pulled me in!

- the characters! the characters in this one are great! LOVED kuwana as a foil to yagami. yagami is an irritatingly perfect protag at times and he really needed someone who could balance him out and oppose him and kuwana was perfect for the role! tsukumo getting upgraded to main cast was great, he deserved it. akutsu was a surprisingly good minor antag and i actually felt pretty bad for him when he died. tesso was great even if he didn’t do much, fell in love the second he busted out the ‘kyoudai’. and soma was such a good villain holy shit. he really blindsided me with that first fight, he felt like such a genuine threat and god his boss music seriously im still not over it

- something about soma being conscious and aware for yagami and kuwana’s Final Ultimate Ideological Slapfight is incredibly funny to me. what’s he thinking about while watching his two greatest enemies beat the shit out of each other

- that soundtrack!! rgg rhythm game WHEN

- fuck stealth missions. crane still feels like the weakest style but snake is really fun. some of the school minigames were great (skateboarding, dance) some were meh (boxing, biking) some i hate with a passion (robotics). i got surprisingly invested in the school storyline and felt much more attached to those characters than i ever did to the friends in judgment 1. lockpicking and photo missions still felt largely shoehorned in. glad they reduced the number of tailing missions. chases felt a lot better. takes way too long to get tiger drop and i actually struggled with the combat at times, but not in a bad way. still disappointed in the amon fight.

[trashyswitch]

Virgil's Post-Halloween Adventure With Roman

Virgil has been really down since Halloween came and went. So, Roman creates a full Halloween city so Virgil and some of the other sides can bring their Halloween fantasies to life.

This was requested by @puppysparkles03. You wanted drastic measures, so: HAVE AN ENTIRE HALLOWEEN TOWN! XD Hope you like it!

Virgil had been in a sad mood since November started. Virgil got his chance to dress up and be his scary self for halloween but...now that Halloween was over, Virgil had grown sad. He loved halloween. Why couldn’t it be Halloween for longer than an evening? The only things that have made Virgil somewhat satisfied was his Halloween candy. Virgil’s been eating tons of halloween candy as of late. From sweets to mini bags of chips, to juice boxes and candy corns, even a rice crispy square ended up in his halloween bag. That was a nostalgic moment for him. It was nice to eat a rainbow (gay) rice crispy square.

One day, Roman managed to get Virgil out of his room for a little adventure in the mind palace. Despite enjoying being out of the room, Virgil did grow annoyed by all the walking. “Can’t you conjure up a train or a car? Or, maybe even a horse and buggy?” Virgil asked.

Roman giggled. “Come on, Virgil! It’s such a pretty day for a walk. Wouldn’t you agree?” Roman asked. Virgil only let out a grunt as a reply. Roman turned to face him. “Come on, Hallo-whiner. I think you’re gonna like the special place that I conjured up, just for you:” Roman told him, grabbing his hand.

Virgil looked up at Roman with the smallest glimmer of hope in his eyes. Roman summoned some black eyeshadow, and help Virgil touch it up. “There ya go. And some blood…” Roman started drawing liquid red face paint dribbles that ran down the corners of Virgil’s mouth to the sides of his chin. “There! Maybe some red lipstick-”

“No red lipstick.” Virgil told him.

“Oooor no red lipstick.” Roman changed up his wording before putting the lid on his lipstick. “Okay! Looking all halloweeny!” Roman declared.

“I thought Halloween was over?” Virgil told him.

“Not unless you want it to be over. And something tells me you don’t want Halloween to be over just yet.” Roman admitted.

Roman picked up Virgil and walked up a hill. Soon, the luscious green grass disappeared from his vision and dark purples, oranges and blacks filled his vision. Virgil’s eyes widened when he realized what it was: It was an entire halloween city!

“What do you think?” Roman asked.

“Are you kidding?!” Virgil reacted. “I LOVE IT!” Virgil yelled, grabbing his shoulders with a big smile on his face. Roman giggled and looked over at the halloween city. “Now: I have given you the ability to snap into the halloween costume of your dreams!” Roman explained to him. “For example:” Roman snapped and watched as a bunch of material surrounded him before disappearing with his costume on himself.

“Oooooh! A roman emperor?” Virgil specified.

“Indeed! A Roman emperor who must rule with an iron fist!” Roman explained. His clothing consisted of a white robe with a brown rope tied around his middle, and a long red sash that was wrapped around his left arm and flowed down the rest of his lower body. To top it off, Roman had a golden laurel wreath on his head! He looked amazing, to be honest!

“Do you have a costume preference of your own, Virgil?” Roman asked.

Virgil nodded and snapped his fingers. A whole bunch of material surrounded Virgil, and soon flew away and disappeared to reveal Virgil’s brand new costume.

Roman gasped and dropped his jaw. “OH MY GOSH- SWEENEY TODD! YESSS!” Roman reacted, covering his mouth.

Virgil was dressed up as Johnny Depp’s version of Sweeney Todd. He had his brown hair spray dyed black and gelled back, with a white big streak in the middle left of the hairline. He had the slightly tattered vest tuxedo with a belt on a pair of striped pants, male ankle boots and a pair of fingerless gloves on his hands. In his vest pocket were some plastic traditional barber knives, and in his pants pocket was a vintage pocket watch.

“HELL YEAH! I LOVE Sweeney Todd! Classic musical!” Roman declared.

Virgil looked at his own costume and started acting a little like a fanboy. “I’ve always wanted to dress up as this character, but it’s a really hard costume to pull off.” Virgil admitted.

“Oh! You forgot something!” Roman told him. Roman summoned a long black coat and put it on Virgil’s shoulders. Virgil smiled and put it on. “It’s gonna be a little cold in there.” Roman let him know.

Virgil blushed a little. “Thank you.” Virgil replied.

“Now come, my killer barber! We shall visit Halloween City!” Roman declared, pointing to the city. Suddenly, a big horse and buggy came rolling up right beside them. Virgil and Roman hopped into the horse and buggy before the horse was signalled to start clop-clopping to the city.

The city itself was FILLED to the brim with stereotypical halloween stuff. There were stores for buying and trying on halloween costumes of large variety, big towers with witches and cauldrons so you could make your own spells, a big library filled with horror, thriller and grotesque-themed books and movies in them, a cemetery filled with floating ghosts, skeletons and zombies, and there were even caves surrounded by dead forest that housed the cats, snakes, bats and vampires. The more that Virgil saw out the sides of the horse and buggy windows, the more excited Virgil got!

“You made all this?!” Virgil reacted.

“Yes, I did!” Roman replied.

Virgil gasped and looked around more as the horse and buggy dropped them off in the middle of the city. The middle of the city has a simple, run down fountain in the middle with vines circulating the brick water pit. In the middle of the water fountain, was a few skulls lined up like a square with an infinite waterfall running through their eyes, nose holes and mouths, that fell into the water pit below. It was kinda creepy, but...strangely beautiful to look at.

Virgil almost immediately ran up to the big victorian library. “COME ON, ROMAN!” Virgil yelled to him.

“I’M COMING!” Roman yelled, quickly catching up to him.

Virgil walked up the stairs and quickly opened up the library door. The Victorian library was just as vintage-looking as it was on the outside. Only change being the place looked like a clean kind of vintage. The metal looked polished, the huge shelves looked old but not dirty or super run down, the ladder was wooden but stable and well made, and the middle aisles of shelves had movies and VHS tapes that you could borrow! This wasn’t just a victorian era library...this was a super old building that had been well kept and updated throughout the centuries!

Virgil happily looked around. “Logan would be over the moon about this.” Virgil told Roman.

“I know! He already IS!” Roman told him, before pointing to the ancient kids stories sections. There, hidden within the aisles, was Logan reading a Brothers Grimm fairytales from the 1800’s!

Logan looked up and smiled. “Hello, Virgil. I love the costume.” he greeted, giving Virgil an excited smile.

Logan was dressed up as Charlie ‘The Tramp’ Chaplin. He had the large bowl hat, the mustache, the large shoes, the suit and everything in between! He even had a bamboo cane perched up against the library shelf while he read.

“Hi Logan. Charlie Chaplin, huh?” Virgil reacted.

“Indeed. One of the most well known actors of the silent era.” Logan replied.

Virgil smiled and decided to ignore the bad things about Chaplin...for now. “Enjoying the book?” Virgil asked.

“Yes, I am! This is simply a collection of the Brothers Grimm stories compressed into one novel. It’s very interesting understanding just how much grim topics they could handle back in the day.” Logan told him.

Virgil nodded and started to look around himself. He found an aisle filled with classic novels like Little Woman, The Pride and The Prejudice, the Nancy Drew series, the Frankenstein novel and the original Dracula, an aisle filled with Shakespeare books, an aisle filled with outdated nonfiction books on multiple subjects, an entire aisle dedicated to the decades of encyclopedias, and even an entire aisle dedicated to the Marvel comic books throughout the decades! Virgil practically LOST it when he found Edgar Allen Poe novels, and quickly bought them. To make things even cooler, Roman summoned some 1800’s original bills and coins so he could pay for them! Virgil owed him a huge hug for that one.

After visiting the library, Virgil was brought to the cemetery to take a walk with Roman. “You are gonna LOVE this!” Roman told him. They only got a few minutes to walk around the cemetery before the huge clock tower struck 12.

Suddenly, a bunch of skeletons came digging out from under the graves and started dancing! The skeletons were very cartoon-like, similarly to Disney’s skeleton animation! And the best part? They were listening to ‘Spooky Scary Skeletons’ on a big radio as they danced around!

Virgil was smiling through the whole thing. “This is awesome!” Virgil reacted.

“I’ll say!” someone said, walking up to him from behind. Virgil turned around and widened his eyes. “Oh my…Are you Ed Gein?” Virgil asked.

Remus chuckled. “You bet I am!” Remus replied.

Virgil rubbed his nose, but chuckled a little. “You couldn’t go for leather face? Or Norman Bates?” Virgil asked.

“Nope! Gotta go all out!” Remus declared. “And what better than a guy who does more grave-digging than murdering?” Remus joked.

Virgil nodded, but awkwardly looked away. He wasn’t sure how he felt about Remus’s costume.

“WHY HELLO THERE!” someone yelled behind him. Virgil yelped and turned around. It was one of the dancing, singing skeletons!

“O-oh...You talk?” Virgil reacted.

“You BET I do! Call me Skelly!” the skeleton introduced, holding out their bone hand.

Virgil raised an eyebrow and chuckled at the name. “Virgil.” He replied, shaking the bone hand.

“What’s so funny? Is my name rib-ticklin’ to ya?” Skelly asked, showing off his ribcage.

Virgil stifled a laugh and pushed their shoulder. “Knock off the puns. You’re not as humerus as you think.” Virgil told him.

Skelly frowned at first, but quickly caught on. Skelly pointed to his own shoulder and smiled widely, before laughing. “Not bad, ol’ chum!” Skelly reacted. “Now tell me: Are you a skeleton too?” Skelly asked.

Virgil thought for a moment. “Well, not exactly. I do have a skeleton in me, but it’s filled and covered with flesh and organs.” Virgil explained.

“Wow! So, you have muscles?” Skelly asked. Virgil nodded. “A heart?” Skelly asked, pointing to the left side of his own chest. VIrgil giggled and nodded. “Oh! What about a skull?” Skelly asked before knocking on the top of Virgil’s head.

Virgil yipped at first and flapped his hands above his head. “Oi! My noggin’s not for knockin’!” Virgil warned.

Skelly chuckled at that. “What about ribs? Do you have a ribcage too?” Skelly asked, poking the left side of his ribcage.

Virgil jumped and stepped back, throwing his hands up in defense. “Okay buddy...No poking.” Virgil warned.

“Why not? Ticklish ribs?” Skelly asked, poking his ribcage again. Virgil wheezed somewhat and flapped his hands at him. “Dohon’t you dare…” Virgil warned.

Roman walked up to Virgil and picked the man up before throwing him at Skelly. “Have fun!” Roman told him.

Virgil squeaked and reached his arm out. “NO!” before landing into Skelly’s arms.

Skelly caught him perfectly and held him like a baby. “What a cute little fleshy skeleton I have! I could tickle you here,” Skelly started poking and prodding his ribs. “Here, here,” Skelly poked his front ribs. “Here, Aaaand HERE!” Skelly placed its claw tips onto Virgil’s belly and started skittering his fingers on his belly.

“What thehehehe- HAHAhahahaha! Whyhyhyhy thihihihis?!” Virgil asked, falling into a fit of giggles.

“Oh! It’s quite simple, really. I remember hearing from a certain someone, that your black makeup turns a dark purple when you’re all flustered! Isn’t that right, Emperor Romulus?” Skelly explained.

Roman giggled and shook his head. “It’s Roman, Skelly.” Roman corrected.

“Oh yeah…” Skelly muttered as he moved his fingers to Virgil’s sides.

“WAIT! NAHAhahahat myhyhyhy sihihihides! Lahahay ohohoff, mahahahan!” Virgil ordered.

“Lay? Okay.” Skelly laid Virgil down onto the dirt ground and resumed squeezing his sides.

“ThAHAHAt’s nahahahat whahat Ihihi meheheant, ya doohohohofus!” Virgil reacted.

“Really? When you said ‘lay off’, you didn’t mean ‘put me onto the ground and continue tickling me’? I could’ve sworn that was what you meant.” Skelly teased.

“Thahahat’s NAHAHAT whahahat I meheheant, ahahand YOHOHOHOU knohohow ihihihihit!” Virgil shot back.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so harsh on me. Looking at my point of view, you’d be confused too.” Skelly lightly argued.

Then, Skelly decided to pull a move that would drive anyone mad: Skelly started quickly spidering his fingers up and down Virgil’s ribs and sides. “NOOO! NO, NONONO- SKEHEHELLYHYHYHY! STAHAHAHAHAP!” Virgil laughed. Virgil’s eyeshadow color started to change the longer that he was tickled. And the higher up that Skelly’s fingers went, the more hysterical that Virgil’s laughter became. “WAHAHAITWAIT! DON’TGOAHAHANY- AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CUHUHUHUT IHIHIHIT OHOHOUHUHUT!” Virgil pleaded through his laughter.

“But why? You seem to be having so much fun! I can see it in your eyes!” Skelly proclaimed. “Well...below them, anyway.” Skelly followed up. Virgil’s eyeshadow had turned a pretty hue of purple rather quickly. Roman’s mouth widened excitedly as he gazed upon Virgil’s flustered face. “Roman was right! His eyeshadow CAN turn purple when flustered and happy!” Skelly reacted.

Roman smiled. “So Virgil Sanders enjoys being tickled?” He asked.

“IHIHIHI DOHOHOHO NOHOHOHOT!” Virgil tried to protest.

Roman just giggled at this. “Your eyes and eyeshadow marks give you away. Not only are you flustered by tickling, you seem to love the affection!” Roman explained out loud.

“Well! Rattle my bones and call me Skelly!” Skelly declared in surprise. “This Sweeney Todd is kinda cute!” Skelly declared.

“AHAHAHAM NOHOHOHOHOT!” Virgil protested.

“You really are, Virgil.” Roman replied. “Right, Skelly?” Roman asked.

“You are indeed, right!” Skelly replied.

As much as Skelly wanted to keep tickling him, Roman soon gave him the signal to stop. Skelly followed what he said and retreated his bony fingers. Stepping aside, Skelly let Roman walk up to him and help Virgil up.

“You okay?” Roman asked. Virgil nodded and took Roman’s hand, allowing him to help him up. Virgil’s eyeshadow was still quite purpley after all that. Roman giggled at this and rubbed his cheek. “Still flustery purple.” Roman told him happily.

Virgil giggled and shook his head as he pushed Roman’s hands away. “Stahap that.” Virgil told him, still quite flustered. Roman, Remus and Skelly all laughed at this.

Soon enough, Virgil and Roman moved on, to explore the rest of the city. As they left, Virgil and Roman gave Skelly a goodbye wave. “Bye Skelly! Have fun singing!” Roman yelled to him.

“Will do!” Skelly replied.

“Thank you for the fun time, Skelly!” Virgil said to him.

“Not a problem at all!” Skelly yelled back.

Virgil, Roman and Remus went to a special costume shop next, where he happily got himself a pair of bat wings and a vampire cloak!

By the time the clan got back, Virgil and the sides were feeling as happy as could be. They quickly started showing off their stuff to each other.

Remus got a fake skeleton from the prop shop, a witch potion bottle filled with thick blood, and a big black victorian portrait from the vintage market! He was non stop talking about having his room all halloween-y, till Remembrance day comes around.

Logan got himself a dozen books, a vintage writing book, a fountain pen and multiple ink reloading viles! He was all set for some journaling.

Roman got himself a classic king crown, an empty treasure chest to fill with items, and some vintage, expensive-looking jewellery for himself! He looked super excited to look like he was covered in riches.

Besides the bat wings and the cloak, Virgil also got himself some ruby red lipstick, a pretty black vampire choker, and a pair of black formal shoes.

With how the day went, Roman could proudly proclaim that Halloween City was a big success! Roman placed the entire imagined place into a pretty notebook and carved the words ‘Halloween City’ and ‘open on November 1, 2021’ into the front before placing it onto his book shelf...

[halfgclden]

EPISODE 32: A MAJOR OCCURANCE

The sound of spooky intro music plays and fades out. As the microphone clicks on, faint sounds of water and traffic can be heard in the background.

JADE: Hello cryptwizzlers, cryptrackers, but never cryptormentors because we’re all friends here. Welcome to a very special episode of Cryptwins in which we are not actually researching a cryptid. But! Before you shut this off and call us hacks, we are instead researching the recent disappearance of social media fitness guru; Edison Major.

More spooky music plays. There is also the sound of fingers tapping a rhythm. It's typical Joel, unable to contain his energy as he taps the dashboard in time with their intro music.

JOEL: Weeeeeeeell...Maybe we are hacks. —a pause as he laughs— Nah, just kidding. This is the real deal. I'm not sure you're ready for this. This is some spooky, and excuse my French, spooky shit. Tell us more about this Major disappearance? —another laugh— Get it?

JADE: [A short laugh-sigh is let out at Joel’s joke.] Okay, before we begin, two things. One, get ready for the barrage of major and minor jokes, courtesy of Joel here.

JOEL: Got a whole list, be ready! He lets Jade finish, but listeners can still hear the tapping sound while she speaks.

JADE: Secondly, we’re still on the road here, so if the audio is bad or choppy... deal with it? —another small laugh— Anyyyyway. Spooky is right. This all began in September of last year, when @majored posted a picture of himself in a dark basement wearing a weird costume and then immediately went off the grid. And, you know, I’m all for a social media cleanse, people do it all the time. Buuut, what really brought this to our attention was a month later, on Halloween Eve of all nights, when a video popped up of him getting his ass kicked by someone in a Kakashi Hatake costume.

JOEL: Now, I know y'all are asking yourselves "Isn't he a fitness guru? Why was some weeb kickin' his ass?" And to that I say hey! Some weebs are strong, some are Super Saiyan, and others are Kakashi Hatake, the most talented ninja in Konohagukure.

JADE: lets out a laughing wheeze.

JOEL: We don't endorse fighting here. But I digress —a laugh— back on topic. So this guy just up and disappears out of nowhere? And there's not a peep of him until we see Kakashi givin’ him the business. What does this all mean?

JADE: Okay, so, let’s get the full story. @majored goes off the grid, comes back to get his ass kicked by a Naruto character, disappears again, comes back to spit on someone and call them a see you next Tuesday, and then disappears again. And he hasn’t come back online. So what’s up with that? Well... we did a little digging.

Another spooky noise plays over the sound of Jade organizing a stack of papers.

JOEL: Daaaaaaang. I’d say those are some fightin' words, especially from someone who keeps pulling a vanishing act, don’t ya think?

JADE: They really are! I mean, he is from New Zealand, but even so, I think you don’t use that word unless you want to attract some attention. -She clicks her tongue as she gets back on topic- The video was originally posted the night before Halloween of last year, by @ime.are on Twitter. Obviously they got a lot of hate and questions after posting this, but all of them were left unanswered. The only person in the video that was tagged was Major, but upon further examination, this Ime seems to follow and have pictures with someone who happened to be dressed as Kakashi that same night, which has led many to speculate that these ninjas are the same person.

JOEL: So we all know Halloween's a spooooky season. Perfect for parties and all that jazz. But all those costumes make it a perfect time for disguises. Was that even the real Major? Was the person who spit the real Major? Who is this Ime and how do they fit into the story? And who— a pause for dramatic effect and muffled laughter as he tries to stay serious— is this mystery ninja? Tell us more!

JADE: Alright, alright. So this mystery ninja goes by Abel, or @_kllledbycain on the Gram. At first glance, they look pretty much like every other TikTok e-boy; black and white photos, pet snake, the insinuation that they’re dead, whole nine yards.

JOEL: snorts when Jade announces their handle, and again at her eboy comment, wheezing. It's true, it's true!

JADE: And this stuff is so common right now, so nothing really raises any eyebrows, right? Right? Well, tell me, why would a Tik Tok goth go around beating the crap out of a random influencer? Stay tuned for the theory. First, we’re gonna take a step back and look at the whole situation, because, of course, it doesn’t end there.

JOEL: Ohhhh snap! I'm on the edge of my seat, and I bet our listeners are too.

JADE: [clears her throat] So if we go back to the original poster of the video, @ime.are, and we take a look at their Insta, who is on it but... @devinitely? Okay, so @devinitely is in the same place as @majored, clearly, and, for anyone that doesn’t know, she’s been doing a bunch of collabs with @loganvance. This places not one, not two, but three influencers all together in this place where weebs are running around assaulting people.

JOEL: Okay. Okay, I need to know! Where are they? What's bringing all these influencers together? Are @devinitely and @loganvance part of something much more sinister than it seems? [He makes a funny face at Jade and wiggles his fingers, before dropping his voice to a stage-whisper.] Is it some kind of twisted influencer cult?

JADE: Shhhh, Joel, spoilers.

JOEL: [He laughs.] Sorry, sorry!

JADE: [muffled laughter over the sound of more papers rustling.] So, any skeptics out there might say, oh, well, this Ime Are is just a lucky person who happens to be in the presence of more than one social media personality. However, Devin follows the weeb that may or may not have kicked Major's ass. And, according to a cast photo of Rocky Horror, on her boyfriend's Instagram, both the weeb in question and the hot man that tore the two apart were part of the cast. This would be a great time to mention that a link to the video is in the description, as are all the pictures from social media that I'm referencing.

JOEL: [to Jade but loud enough for the mic to pick it up at regular volume] Oh snap, you got everything together in a link? Like, I could click the link to check it out right now? — A pause as he does just that.— Woah, cryptwizzlers, she's not kidding. Click the link in bio, you won't be disappointed. Okay, Jade...hear me out. Given that it was Halloween, the night of nights. Do you think that...maybe it was all an elaborate event? Was it staged? Is any of this real?

JADE: Oh, my dear brother, always the skeptic. Don’t you think that it’s a bit much for him to stop posting entirely in order to get publicity? And we mustn’t forget the spitting on someone in South Dakota, that’s not exactly his brand. Unless he’s trying out something like Taylor Swift and Reputation but... I digress. No, I don’t think any of this is staged, and I’ll tell you why. Let’s go back to the weird cow print basement post. You know who also happened to post something about some cowboy party? Oh, um, Devin’s boyfriend? A picture of him, Devin, and Logan? Which... puts them and Major in the same place on the night that he disappeared.

JOEL: Not a skeptic! Just trying to get all these questions answered. —A laugh— You're right, that's 180 from the online presence he used to have. All theories aside, —a pause— I'd love to go to a cowboy party. Get me a glow-in-the-dark cowboy hat. You know they make 'em. —He laughs again, mouthing 'what?' to Jade.—

JADE: Oh, def. We're getting matching hats. Check out our merch in a few weeks —she laughs— Glow in the dark mothman themed cowboy hats, talk about a niche.

JOEL: Snap, we have to do that now, 'cause I want one real bad. But okay, back on track. This cowboy party. The origin of this theory, yeah? Oh snap...what were those three doing in the same place as Major? And all in cow print too? That's....majorly suspicious! [He trails off into laughter, his voice doing that wheezy thing when someone's trying to finish their sentence before cracking up. Recovering, he adds the following.] Wait, wait, wait. What about—

JADE: Yes, yes, yes. —she cuts Joel off as though he's finished his sentence, chuckling at his joke— Patience, my dear twin, we will get there. —the smile is evident in her voice—

JOEL: I feel like somehow, I ended up as your Padawan for this episode. — he laughs—

JADE: You heard it here, I'm absolutely schooling Joel this episode. — she laughs— First, we're going to backtrack all the way to the original poster again. You know we snooped their whole page, and they're pretty regularly posting pictures with this person, @rengaaay, who isn't an influencer but she makes some of those sick ass roller skating videos... this isn't sus, just cool, link in the description. —a slight pause as she tries to get back to her train of thought— Anyway, what is sus is that she tags two people in her photos all the time... But no joke guys check out their Insta profiles they look different in like every other picture. Which, uh, could just be editing but also could be something.... more sinister? Hold onto that thought.

JOEL: That's such a good handle, dang! Better than @lumberjoel, honestly. I have to say I'm jelly. We should get branded rollerskates, maybe @rengaaay can advertise for us if we ship them. JK...unless? —more laughter as he waits for Jade to get back on the train and pulls up the profiles in question to take a look for himself— Huh...is it editing? Are they masters of disguise? Makeup professionals? —He starts to say something else but is pretty sure he's figured out where Jade's going with this.— What could be more sinister than human chameleons?

JADE: [The sound of papers shuffling can be heard] Oh, yeah, so, it's weird but I think every time the siblings are in a pic together they look more like each other? I dunno if this really makes sense but seriously dudes check the post with this episode because it has a bunch of photos side by side and... yeah. You pull a photo of them by themself and it's like okay, I know what this dude looks like and then you put them side by side and... I dunno, makeup? Contacts? Cloning, mayhaps? And, just so that I'm not just holding on to one thing too much... check their post from August 12th, linked below. Their brother... doesn't have a shadow. Why would you edit that out of a photo? No way are they going that hard to be memelords.

JOEL: Okay, let me look at this. Wha— That's weird as hell. How much hair dye do these two use? Hm. Could be clones? —snaps his fingers—Definitely clones. —he snorts loudly, laughing before clearing his throat— Ahem, uh. No shadow? That's dedication! I dunno, maybe it's some new challenge for the 'gram. Oh...but wait. I found a video. Look, Jade. No shadow. In a video. What the—

JADE: A video, guys. —A moment of muffled laughter before her mic cuts out, but the sound of it clicking on again is followed almost immediately— This is a big family, guys, and a big weird one because their other brother @sleepyfinch... Okay, wait, he himself is pretty normal, super cute, shout out, but guys, ghouls, you know who he has tagged in a recent post? Yet another influencer. Except this one is from Italy? @gaborealis; essentially, he’s a medium, so if you didn’t believe that the supernatural were at play beforehand... buckle up.

JOEL: Wait, wait, I'm still on the video thing. Who has time to edit a video? —his voice cracks when he says video and he covers his laughter as he focuses—

JADE: [wheezing] Shut up —there is no malice in her voice, and she’s laughing too.—

JOEL: So weird, I love it. Oh snap— the @gaborealis? It's time to get ghosty! —echoes "ghosty" and hums the Cha Cha Slide tune for a couple seconds— Okay, so wait. Does this mean everyone's favorite medium is also in the same place as...three? Three other influencers and this weird family of....maybe shapeshifters? No? Too crazy a theory?

JADE: You know what they say, cryptoddlers; no theory is too crazy. Everything Einstein came up with? Theory.

JOEL: Bringing Einstein into it, huh?

JADE: Oh you know it. —a snort— Anyway, according to Devin’s boyfriend’s Instagram, it doesn’t end there. @spencerkeahi, a youtuber and disability rights advocate who comes from Hawaii is also there with that gaggle. Shout out to @elidrising for tagging people and location. So what are these influencers from all corners of the globe gathering together for? Well, let’s take a look at the original poster again. You go on their Twitter, and a few months back it’s all just videos of people... fighting? In some sort of underground place. Mayhaps... the same creepy basement that Major posted his last photo? —a small gasp, as though she’s surprised by this— No, that must be a coincidence... or is it?

Another spooky sound plays

JOEL: @elidrising is the man, dang! Are you tellin' me there's a...—he lowers his voice to a whisper— secret influencers-only Fight Club? I wouldn't put it past @devinitely TBH. Honestly, I'd join one...even though I guess I've broken the first rule but talking about it, huh? Actually— Jay, do you think we'd even be allowed to join? Are podcasters influencers? Poll in my story right now, let us know what y'all think.

JADE: Right now? Joel, this isn’t going up for another week, at least. —She’s obviously trying to sound less amused than she’s coming off— Once we get the blue check we’re influencers, so we’ve got a few million followers to go, I think.

JOEL: Yeah, right now! They'll hear that when the episode goes up and respond in real ti— Oh, no. You're right. Oops. No poll in my story, y'all. False alarm. Blue check, huh? You heard it here, cryptwizzlers, we're gonna get that blue check. Tell your friends, tell your family. Heck, tell that cute barista at your coffee shop to listen to our podcast! We might just do a giveaway when we get that lil' blue swoosh.

JADE: [clears her throat.] You know what’s a great way to get us that blue check, though?

A different, light sort of spooky music begins playing in the background, meaning that it’s time for the ad break

JOEL: Take it away!

JADE: Checking out a little app called Creature Comforts. Alright guys, not that this show isn’t one hundred percent real as it is, but for real, I love this app. A dating sim that features everyone’s favorite... for lack of a better term, monsters. Did you watch the Shape of Water and go, “Damn, I’d tap that”? Do you want to snuggle with a Sasquatch? Do you just wish you could find yourself a GF with more eyes? Well, have we got the app for you. Creature Comforts lets you do all this and more. A choose-your-own-adventure game where you can smooch beasts, marry Mothman, and ignore the outside world. It’s seriously all I want. And, if you enter the code cryptwins— that��s the name of the podcast you’re listening to, no capital letters, when you download the app, then it’s only 99 cents to play without ads. Which, trust me ghouls, is worth it. I don’t want anything interrupting my cut scene with the most stunning eyes in West Virginia.

JOEL: Don't forget that scuba diving date with Nessie! Or, or...that half-day hike with Bigfoot. —he's laughing again smh— There's a reason Jade does the ad reads and not me. But, I can tell you that Mothman is sure to sweep you off your feet. And it's not just because he can fly.

JADE: It’s the —a pause for finger snapping— alliteration for me. But that’s Creature Comforts, exactly how you think you’d spell it, don’t ask us ‘cause we’re dyslexic, and cryptwins, like the name of this podcast. Tweet us @cryptwins to let us know how far along you are, who you’re pursuing, and what mysteries you unlock about their backstories. Now... I think it’s time for a timeline, just to get us sorted out, what do you think, Joel?

JOEL: Personally, I'm still tryin' to land a date with the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I guess we'll see what happens. Aw heck yeah! Give us a timeline, give us the dirt. — a laugh — Give the people what they want!

JADE: Okay — the shuffling of paper is heard once more — We start in September: @majored goes off the grid after posting a creepy picture of himself in a weird outfit in a spooky basement. This is around the same time that the Scarlet Surfer was in NYC for fashion week, which @majored accompanied him to, meaning that it isn’t entirely out of the question for him to still be in New York. Also on social media at this time is @devinitely and @loganvance also both is cowboy outfits, though the creepy basement is absent from both of them.

JOEL: I guess September isn't too early for weird Halloween stuff to start? What with the spooky basement and everything. Right? And everyone loves a cowboy moment— or have cowboys become the new clown? I heard there was a clown renaissance and people like them now? I don't really know where we stand on the whole clown— what?

JADE: I see our next hot debate. Cowboys: Hot or not? Personally, I liked cow print, but I can see cowboys going out soon. Once they reach killer clown status is when it’ll be ideal for me.

JOEL: Personally, I vote hot. And uhhh, not to kinkshame you Jay, but killer clowns are a no from me.

JADE: [tsks] Kinkshamed, by my own brother no less.

JOEL: [a loud laugh] You know I'm just kidding. No kinkshaking, ya heard? I'd literally let the Jersey Devil step on me so. To each their own.

JADE: [snorting] Um, gross.

JADE: Now to October: There is a production of Rocky Horror, a cast photo is uploaded to @elidrising, the account of @devinitely’s boyfriend. This places not only @devinitely and @loganvance in Montauk, but it also places @crispyboiz and @_kllledbycain in Montauk too. These are two of the people that are suspected to belong in the video by @ime.are, in which (suspected) @_kllledbycain, dressed as Kakashi Hatake attacked @majored, only to be torn apart by good citizen @crispyboiz. This video is the first that we’ve seen of @majored since his last post, and he offers nothing in response to it.

JOEL: Okay. Okay. Now, you know I love a good shadow-cast of Rocky Horror. I've always wanted to play Frank. I would rock that part. Am I wrong? —he laughs— But okay, that's - count 'em - three influencers in one place? If @elidrising is there, we can assume @devinitely is too because she was in the same location as, uh, whatshername? Logan? And that's the same location as @ime.are. Who took the video of  Kakashi kicking @majored's ass. @_kllledbycain— more like killedbyKakashi, eh? Seriously why are all these people together?

JOEL: [as an afterthought] It's gotta be a cult.

JADE: November to December: Nothing happens with @majored, @ime.are also offers nothing except for quote unquote “#teamkakashi”, which is funny because they never tagged Kakashi, but anyways. Upon deeper inspection, there are videos on their Twitter from last May, of people in a fighting ring. And then people fighting on a lake? But the fighting ring looks super dangerous and I dunno, like you said, cult-y? Fight-club-y? Call it what you will. In any case, we are led to believe that this fighting has been going on for some time in the background.

JOEL: Okay, come on. That’s definitely a cult. I’ve seen the movie, can confirm. — he groans— Literally what is an Italian astrologer doing there? Wait, wait, wait. Montauk? You said Montauk. Montauk, as in on Long Island. As in like —he drops his voice to a stage-whisper— the part of Long Island that peeps believe to be the site of a government cover-up involving kidnapping, mind control, and time travel? The part that inspired Stranger Things? That Montauk? Snap. I can’t believe I didn’t put two and two together sooner. Jade, Jade. What if this is, I don’t know, like, MKUltra 2.0?

JADE: Yes, yes that Montauk, I’m glad you picked up on that. Look, I’m not saying that it’s an influencer’s-only thing, but I am saying that some might be in the area, and maybe involved. At the same time throughout all of this, we have a culmination of more influencers seeming to know this network of people. @gaborealis, an Italian astrologer, is seen in pictures of @sleepyfinch, who was also in the production of Rocky Horror, and has pictures with @crispyboiz and, god, this name is a freaking nightmare, @_kllledbycain. Not to mention this guy has many pictures of weird… family members? Who sometimes look alike? Okay, but seriously, @kodakola and @sonofpeter, how is your hair not straw at this point? Is it wigs? I think my hair would simply fall out. And y’all using Insta filters or what, cause… I’m not gonna get into it, let’s keep going.

JOEL: Maybe they're makeup vloggers or something. Gotta change up the look for views, right? Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe and uhhhh, smash that follow button— or whatever YouTubers say. —he laughs— Okay but seriously, yeah. @sonofpeter, @kodakola, whatever you two are doing to your hair, let me know because I'm trying to bleach my hair and dye it bright purple without it falling out. And since we're doing it at our next stop, well, your advice will probably be too late. But still, what are your secrets? Is it...clones?

JADE: Joel! —she’s laughing again.— Timeline and then theories. —she clears her throat— After that long silence, a Tweet emerges. January 8th. "Can’t believe @majored SPAT on me and called me a C-Blank-Blank-T when he checked into @SDFamilyMotel last night”. This places Major across the country from where we believed him to be, but acting so strangely that one must wonder… was that really him? Or was it someone that just looked like him? Or was it a cry for help? Nothing’s been heard since from @majored, which I guess… leads us to our theories. —a pause— You were saying… clones, Joel?

JOEL: Sheeeeesh, this is not @majored's year. I gotta say, this sounds totally different from the vibe that this guy used to put out on his social media. Obviously Instagram is fake blah blah blah, you know the spiel, but like. Damn. He spit on them? —a pause as he considers what his sibling has said— You know....I think that's a really good point. Was that even the real him? Will the real Ed Major please stand up?

JADE: I know. It just seems out of character, and terrible for a reputation, but it also would make sense if... One, this is a fake @majored, meant to stir up controversy before he goes underground again. And with an action like spitting on someone and calling them a name like that? Who cares what the dude does after that? Unfollowed, cancelled, whatever. And why would this guy want to go underground, well, I'm glad you're so interested. Well, the official Cryptwins theory is that maybe... just maybe, the crazy, government cover-up Montauk that we all know and love isn't that far from truth. We see that they have means of covering up shadows —she lets out a laugh— and people whose faces just change? And who else is there, @spencerkeahi, someone who explains rehabilitation, maybe someone who has experience helping people get used to being a clone? @ime.are, a nurse who enjoys taking videos of people fighting? It all adds up, people!

JOEL: Yeah, seriously. With the real @majored MIA, there would be no one to combat the backlash from this supposed...clone? Imposter? And maybe that’s what they want. Looks like Montauk isn’t the ideal vacation spot anymore, huh? Even if their seaside cabins are super chill and homey. But I digress. Something sinister is going on. Something bigger than we can even imagine. A secret underground facility that’s...cloning influencers? Training them? Your guess is as good as mine. And that’s why we’re on this road trip, isn’t that right Jade? To get some answers?

JADE: Exactly. —it sounds as though she is holding back a laugh or a cough.— Cross country roadtrip in which we explore different topics like this one, and on the way, we'll document our progress and any spooky encounters. Check out our insta, @cryptwins to get all the updates, and consider hitting us up on Patreon if you want us to be able to afford the gas to get all the way to the east coast.

JOEL: I’ll be posting behind the scenes content in the “ROADTRIP” highlight on my Insta throughout the trip so be sure to check my stories. You might get lucky and find some special codes for Creature Comforts but, hey. You didn’t hear it from me. -he laughs and there’s the distinct sound of a bag of chips being opened- What Jade meant to say is gas and snack money. So yeah, go go go! Check out the Patreon! We might even do a giveaway at the end of our trip, get you guys some cool souvenirs we pick up on our travels. Not a bad idea, eh?

JADE: Joel, my ears are literally bleeding right now. Thanks. Anyway, our second theory will also be exclusive to our Patrons, so be sure to get the full video there. Cryptwins... out...

Her voice fades out and the music from the beginning fades in, takes over, and plays until the end of the track.

[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

[sineala]

You talk a lot about Tony's exes. Do you have any thoughts on Steve's?

I answer questions according to the will of the people, anon, and I feel like most of the time people ask me more about Tony’s exes. Also, Tony’s exes tend to appear more frequently in canon, as they like to come back and try to murder him, and yes, this applies to more than one person, and more than two if you assume he dated Ty. Steve’s relationships are a lot less... exciting... in comparison.

Steve has seriously dated maybe five different women total over the years of modern Marvel, with a few more if you count the Golden Age comics (Betsy Ross) and other relationships retconned into his war years (Peggy Carter,  Cynthia Glass). So there’s Sharon, of course, whom he dated until... the late 70s/early 80s when she died (except not really) and stayed dead until about 1995, but they didn’t get back together until the early 2000s when Brubaker started writing Cap. He dated a couple of women in the 90s, most notably Connie Ferrari and Rebecca Quan, although I will admit to not knowing much about either, because I haven’t yet read Cap v4 (where Rebecca appears) and I’ve only read Waid’s run of Cap v3, in which Steve meets Connie, but Waid’s run doesn’t cover their whole relationship. I get the impression it was one of those “relationship falls apart due to being unable to divulge he is Captain America” things. There’s also a woman he dates in Alias -- there’s a plot where Jess catches them together -- but I don’t think she was one of his major relationships, and right now I can’t even remember who it was supposed to be.

(There was also that time he made out with Wanda but that was... weird... and mostly we all pretend that didn’t happen.)

His major non-Sharon relationships -- both of whom he was with in the period where Sharon was “dead” in the 80s and 90s -- basically come down to Bernie Rosenthal and Rachel Leighton (Diamondback).

Bernie is probably my favorite of Steve’s canonical girlfriends, if I had to pick one. I have a picspam of some of their key relationship moments here. When Steve moves to Brooklyn Heights after Sharon dies, Bernie is one of his neighbors, and they quickly end up in a relationship, with a bunch of... interesting cultural differences... because Steve is a man out of time and cannot tell her he’s Captain America. She finds out eventually, and their relationship is just so sweet, and I love her. She’s great. They get engaged, but break up because she wants to go to law school. She does come back a few times in canon, most notably to defend Bucky when he’s charged for all his crimes as the Winter Soldier.

(Don’t worry, she also makes an appearance in the Whitney Frost fic I have not posted yet. Whee.)

Rachel comes into Steve’s life immediately after Bernie. Breaking Steve and Bernie up was pretty much the first thing Mark Gruenwald did when he started writing Cap, because I guess he thought Steve needed a Newer Hotter Girlfriend and, well... Rachel’s a villain in spandex. Sometimes. She is a member of the Serpent Society, a group of snake-themed villains who are, IIRC, pursuing unionization for the insurance benefits. But she clearly has a thing for Steve, and she is not at all shy about it, which makes her a lot of fun to read. I feel like I like the idea of the character a lot more than the way she actually gets written in canon -- Gruenwald has some, uh, issues with portraying female characters, let’s say -- and I wish fandom wrote more about her because I think fandom would do a better job with her than canon has. (There are a few fic ideas I have involving her but I feel like I would need to read more of Gruenwald’s Cap run to do her justice and, uh, some of that run is really... bad. I have the Streets of Poison trade sitting here taunting me.)

Anyway, that’s... some of my thoughts on Steve’s romantic relationships. I hope that’s what you wanted.