#yet i liked it way too much not to do it :))))) <3

[thebearer]

in your eyes, the man that i could be |carmen berzatto x reader| part two

prompt: after carmen finds out you're staying at pete and sugar's house, he goes to try and talk to you. he's faced with his furious sister and harsh truths instead.

or part two of the devastation fic lol that is based off this ask from the other day <3

contains: angst! angst! this one is very much so more carmen focused bc let's be real... he's the problem in this one lol. still hurt with no comfort but more this one than last one?? mentions to past trauma, family trauma. sugar clears carmen in this one. slight mean carmen still, slight angry carmen still. language. dad!carmen x mom!reader. no resolution but the make up is in the next and final part! still heavy so read at your own discretion! word count- 4.8k+

Fak twisted his hands, nervously watching Carmen pace back and forth furiously. One hand running through his hair, tangled and matted from the continued motion; the other lifting and pulling the cigarette to and from his lips. Fak wasn’t sure how Carmen wasn’t sick yet. He’d never seen him smoke so much, seen anyone smoke so much. 

“Neil, I’m not fuckin’ playin’ anymore, ok? You’re startin’ to really, really fuckin’ piss me off.” Carmen’s jaw ground tight, voice starting to growl with that gravelly warning shake that had Fak flinching. “You better tell me where you put my fuckin’ car keys, alright? I-I’m not sitting here, ok? I’m not gonna sit around wi-with my fuckin’ thumb up my ass like a jagoff while my wife and kid are a-at fuckin’ Sugar and Pete’s!” 

“Carmy,” Fak tried to keep his voice calm and firm, like Sugar and Richie had coached him to, hyping him up before he entered the house. “I can’t give you your keys right now, becaus-” 

“-Oh, fuck you! Fuck you! Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?” Carmen roared, teeth bared and eyes narrowed. 

Fak didn’t think he’d ever say it, but he missed the sad Carmen from before. When he’d been sent to check on Carmen and Richie, to find out where the hell they were before Sydney had a meltdown in the kitchen, only to find a nearly hyperventilating Carmen and an unsure and frantic Richie trying to calm him. Fak had known Carmen a long time, his whole life, really, and never once had he seen him so… so sad. 

That sadness was long gone now. In its wake, an anger, worse than before, than he’d ever seen or could have imagined. Fak had just tried to comfort Carmen, offer up some encouragement that you and Teddy and Anchovy were all ok, taken care of- at Pete and Sugar’s. He didn’t realize how that would flip the switch, how it would infuriate Carmen. 

“I-I’m Fak.” Fak blinked, nervously. “You know me. I’m your friend, Carm, and I-I’m just trying to help you-” 

“-You’re trying to help me? You’re trying to fuckin’ help me by keepin’ me away from my wife?” Carmen’s voice boomed, shaking the walls of the house. 

Even in his loud rage, the house seemed too quiet, too still. There was no baby TV show on, no hum of the diffusers, or Anchovy’s small purrs and chirps. Carmen missed him, missed him jumping on the counters just to piss him off. He missed you defending him, missed how Anchovy would startle and run anytime Teddy would gurgle or whine. 

God, he missed Teddy. He spent the first night in the nursery, sitting in the rocking chair, staring blankly ahead, wishing he had the small screaming bundle to rock to sleep. 

Carmen couldn’t bring himself to go into the bedroom. Not again. Not after he found your ring laying there. He’d scared Richie so badly with his cries that Richie had enforced the ‘Mikey Prevention Plan’, his twisted humor of a way at keeping Carmen from being alone, from hurting himself in his misery. 

“Carm, I-I can’t.” Fak stuttered, looking at the door, begging Richie or anyone, really, to walk through the door. “You know I can’t.” 

“This is fucked up, Neil. You know that? You know how fucked up this is? Keepin’ me from-from Teddy? From my kid?” Carmen took a long drag of the cigarette, smoke blowing out of his nose with his panicked breathing. His hands still shook, everything was still shaky and rattling with uneasiness inside him. 

“Carm, I- Don’t say that.” Fak shook his head, he could feel himself caving. Carmen could too. 

“You’re keepin’ me from her, Fak. You know that? You know you-you’re keepin’ me from my daughter? My baby? Don’t you-you know how fucked up that is?” Carmen shook his head, lips pursing in disgust. “You’re lettin’ Richie boss you around like he always does, an-and you know, you know deep down that this is wrong. Keepin’ me from them is wrong.” 

Fak hesitated, a nervous sweat breaking out on the back of his neck. “Richie said-” 

“-Richie can get fucked. Ric-Richie doesn’t know shit! He doesn’t know shit, you know he doesn’t know shit, a-and you’re lettin’ him tell you what to do? Richie?” Carmen scoffed, throwing his hands out. “The fuck does Richie know, huh? H-He’s divorced, an-an-and barely sees his kid-” 

“-Hey!-” Fak’s eyes widened in shock. “Carmen, you don’t-” 

“-Is that what you want? You want me to end up alone?” Carmen’s eyes are wild, crazed, but he goes still. “Y-You want me to end up like-like Richie? Li-Li-Like that?” 

Fak swallows, both standing in the thick, tension filled silence. “Carmen, I-I can’t.” Fak shook his head slowly. “I don’t… I think you need to, I don’t know, I think you need to calm down before you go see them.” 

“Calm down, you’re tellin’ me to calm down.” Carmen snarled, bitterly scoffing at Fak. “Fuck you. Alright? Fuck you. I will never forgive you for this shit. You hear me? You-You doin’ this to me, keepin’ me from my family. I’ll never fuckin’ forgive you.” 

Fak flinched, Carmen’s words cutting brutally through him with a bitter sting. Carmen stormed off, the front door slamming with a force that sent vibrations through the house. Fak was surprised it didn’t split the wood in two. Walking towards the front window, he saw Carmen storming off, furiously lighting another cigarette, running a hand through his hair, again. Fak assumed he was out of Spirits, that he’d smoked through another pack, walking to the corner store to get more. After thirty minutes, he called Richie, frantic that he’d let Carmen loose. 

“What part of Mikey Prevention Plan don’t you fuckin’ understand?” Richie sneered over the phone, trying to keep his voice low so the new hires didn’t hear. As far as they were concerned, Carmen was on a vacation, only the OGs knew the truth. 

“I-I didn’t mean to! I swear!” Fak’s voice lilted high, a shrill of nerves that had Richie’s eyes pinching in annoyance. “I thought he was going to the corner store to get more cigarettes, an-and then he didn’t come back for a while-” 

“-What’s a while?” Richie muttered, catching Tina’s eye through the glass. She set her rag down quickly, walking towards him. 

“I dunno… Fifteen, thirty minutes?” Fak mumbled. “Maybe closer to an hour now. B-But then I went to look for him, and he wasn’t there, so I asked the guy working and he said he hadn’t seen him, and-and now I’m driving around trying to find him. I-I’m shouting his name out the window and everything!” 

“He’s not a dog, Neil, he won’t-” Richie huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I know where he’s at.” 

“You do?” Fak perked up. 

“Yeah, I mean, no, but I-I’m pretty sure I know where he’s at since you fuckin’ told him where they were stayin’.” Richie rolled his eyes bitterly. “Just- Come over here and get me, alright? Let me call Pete- God, you and this fuckin’ kid, got me callin’ Pete. You’re killin’ me Neil Jeff.” 

Richie hung up the phone with a huff, looking up at Tina. “What’s goin’ on? Jeff alright? What’s he doin’?” She pressed. 

“Yeah, Fak-Fak fuckin’ lost him.” Richie rubbed his forehead in exasperation. “But, I think I know where he’s at. Have a pretty good idea, anyways.” 

Tina eyed Richie carefully. “Richie, you know I love that kid, you know I do. But if he’s fuckin’ with Mama,” Tina shook her head, lips pursing in fury. It was no secret how taken she was to you, even before the affectionate nickname that came with the pregnancy. 

“He’s not,” Richie shook his head. “He’s stupid, hot headed, a fuckin’ baby- all that. But… C’mon, T, you and I both know he loves her. He wouldn’t do anything to them. Do somethin’ to himself before that.” 

Tina paused but nodded, face softening. “So, you know where he’s at then? You don’t… You don’t think he’s gonna…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it, looking at the picture of Mikey with Richie, Tina, Ebra, and Marcus only a few months before he passed. Carmen had placed it at the front, a reminder of the legacy that was there before him, of The Beef and his brother. 

“No, I hope not.” Richie muttered, looking at his phone’s screen with dread, Pete’s contact on the screen gleaming back at him nearly mockingly. “I think I know where he is.” He sighed, pressing the button. 

Pete could feel his phone buzzing in his pants, ignoring it as he held the front door in a white knuckled grip. He hadn’t expected to see Carmen there, on his Ring camera, knocking on the door softly, softer than he expected given his manic looking state. 

“H-Hey, Carm,” Pete closed the door as casually as he could, only leaving a sliver open. “What, uh, what’s up, man?” 

“Hey, Pete,” Carmen could barely meet his gaze, suddenly overly aware of how disheveled he must have looked. 

“Uh, what-what brings you by?” Pete stuttered, heart picking up when he heard the soft thump behind him, Anchovy lurking behind his legs curiously. He gripped the door, shuffling his legs together, trying to close it on his frame so Anchovy wouldn’t slip by. 

“C’mon,” Carmen sighed, a tired look in his eye, too exhausted to even be pleading. “You know why I’m here, alright. I-I know they’re here.” 

“W-Who is? Sugar? Yeah, she-she’s off today.” Pete stiffened at the claim, swallowing nervously, trying to play it cool. Anchovy meowed loudly behind him, cringing when he was  given away by the cat. 

“Pete, don’t-” Carmen pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing in slowly, trying to calm the tears that threatened to fall. He could hear Anchovy, hear the sounds of the house- the home. Soft child shows, the hum of the dryer, all the things that made the house feel alive. Carmen would give anything to have his home sound like that again, the silence was beginning to drive him crazy. 

“Where is she?” Carmen looks up, his gaze much harder than before, a frantic look beginning to take over his sadness. 

“I, uh, I-I don’t-” Pete stutters, fingers tapping on the wood of the door anxiously. 

“-Pete, I really don’t want you to fuck with me right now, alright?” Carmen takes a deep breath, trying to swallow back his emotions that were already beginning to climb in his throat again. “I need to- I-I need to see her, Pete.” Carmen couldn’t bring himself to say your name, sure even the first syllable would have him in tears, breaking down on the front porch. 

Another meow, louder than before, came before Pete could answer. The soft scratching of Anchovy’s paws on the door, a demanding meow that Carmen knew all too well. He’d learned to drown it out, or try to. It became nearly a soundtrack to your sex life when you’d first gotten the cat, locking him out of the room so you two could fuck, only for him to yowl and scratch and demand to be let in. Carmen could remember how you’d giggle, pouting at him exaggeratedly to let him in. His heart fell with an ache that was warm yet still made him feel sick. 

Pete looked down at the cat, then back at Carmen, a hesitant grimace on his face. “Carm… You-You know I would,” He started. Carmen’s heart soared with hope, eyes wide, a near adrenaline rush of excitement shooting through his system. “But…You know I can’t.” 

Carmen’s heart crashed, shattered with the hope he’d finally begun to find, to feel again. “What the fuc- Pete, that’s… Pete, c’mon. C’mon. Yo-You gotta let me in. Let me in.” Anger surged through Carmen’s chest. He closed his eyes tight and tried to swallow it down. All he’d been is angry. For weeks now, it had been a never ending cycle of anger and sickness and distraught, all amplified to new heights the second you left. 

Carmen could feel himself spiraling, ears starting to ring again, rushing and roaring flashbacks flooding into his mind. Your face when you left, Teddy’s cries, the critic’s pursed lips, Sydney’s disappointed face when he forgot something again, Tina’s eyes cutting. Carmen turned, shaking his hand lightly, trying to do a breathing exercise he saw on YouTube, years ago when he’d moved to New York. 

His breaths were deep, shaky, but deep enough that it cleared his head, dulled the ringing. His mind wandered back, Richie’s voice ringing in his head. “You wanna get her back? Quit actin’ like a goddam baby. Quit actin’ like this isn’t your own fuckin’ fault. Like you didn’t do this shit to yourself, Cousin. Take some fuckin’ accountability, grow the fuck up, and get your motherfuckin’ shit together, alright? And maybe-maybe you’ll get your family back.” Richie’s voice rang clear through his mind from a few nights ago, when Carmen was especially mean and awful. 

“Hey, uh, you alright?” Pete hesitated, leaning towards Carmen, his grip on the door loosening. 

Carmen took a deep breath, running a hand over his face before he turned back towards Pete, eyes shining with tears that threatened to fall. “Pete, please? Please?” Carmen begged, voice soft, cracking at the end. “Please, jus-just let me see her? L-Let me talk to her? Just- Let me tell her tha-that I’m sorry. Please… I need to tell her I-I’m sorry. Don’t-” 

“-Carmen?” Sugar gaped, her voice coming from behind Pete. She pulled the door open, shocked gaze dropping into furious, jaw setting in a near snarl. “What the fuck are you doing here?” She hissed. 

“Why do you think I’m here, Natalie? Huh?” Carmen snapped in anger, rolling his eyes in annoyance. 

“Oh, you’ve got a lot of fucking nerve showing up here.” Natalie snapped back, pulling the door open and stepping out on the porch. She stood in front of her younger brother, arms crossed in a standoff. 

“Pete, go inside.” Sugar sneered, her gaze not moving from Carmen’s. She felt like they were children again, having a staring contest to see who got the last piece of gum from Donna’s purse, only this time, it was for worse. 

“Nat, I-” 

“-I got it.” Natalie said firmly. Pete didn’t argue with her, simply nodding, shutting the door softly behind them. Her eyes held Carmen’s gaze, both of them intense, furious at the other for other reasons. 

“You should be ashamed of yourself-” 

“-I am-” 

“-Mortified.” Sugar sneered, giving him a disgusted shake of her head. Carmen shifted, biting his own tongue to keep it from lashing out at her. “Do you know what I came home to the other night? You want me to tell you?-” 

“-No, I know-” 

“-No, I’m going to tell you.” Natalie snapped. “I came home after a very long shift because our head chef decided to, oh, I don’t know- disappear and go on a psychotic rampage apparently.” Natalie scoffed sarcastically. 

“And I walk through the door, ready for bed. Maybe a glass of wine, maybe a bath, maybe to finally catch up on my shows with my husband; and you know what I found instead?” Sugar took a step towards Carmen, intimidating him with her harsh glare. “I find my husband taking care of your baby because your wife is sobbing-” 

“-Don’t-” 

“-No, no. I mean, sobbing. A total broken mess on my kitchen table, because she said you,” Sugar jabbed a finger at Carmen. “Decided to come home and scream at her. Not only scream, but say some of the most volatile, disgusting things I’ve ever fucking heard in my life to your wife, the mother of your very much so still a newborn baby.” 

Carmen felt the familiar wave of nausea wash over him, swallowing back spit that pooled in his mouth with a cry that threatened to fall from his chest. He couldn’t bring himself to speak, to look at her gaze anymore. It felt too judgemental, left him feeling too vulnerable and sick of himself under it. 

“So let me ask first; What the fuck is the matter with you?” Natalie sneered. 

“I don’t know.” Carmen’s voice was tight, jaw tighter, fighting a tremble that was threatening to break. “I-I don’t… I don’t fuckin’ know. I-I didn’t- I didn’t mean it-” A single tear fell, slipping out of the corner of his eyes, sliding down his cheek- the final crack in his demeanor. 

Carmen tried to fight it, deep breaths that burned his lungs and nose to control the tears, keep him from breaking here on his sister’s porch, but they wouldn’t stop. Carmen wasn’t sure how he had any tears left, after crying for days on end, how he hadn’t shriveled up his tear ducts. Yet here he was, broken sobs slipping out again. 

Sugar didn’t move. Arms still crossed over her chest, lips still fixed in a hard line, watching Carmen with intensity as he broke down, tears flowing in front of her. She didn’t comfort him, not that he expected her to. She didn’t try to give him words of encouragement, advice on how to right the wrongs like the others did. Instead, she kept a furious gaze on him, unmoved by the tears. 

“Please,” Carmen sniffed hard, running the back of his hand over his nose. “Please, Sugar, please. Ju-Just let me see Teddy. Let me se-ee her. Don’t-Don’t do this to me. Don’t ke-ep my kid away from me-” 

“-Me?” Sugar scoffed, pushing her hand into her chest. “Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Don’t you even start that shit, Carm. I’m not keeping your kid away from you, let’s make that clear.” 

Carmen’s breath hitched when she stepped towards him, toe to toe with him, teeth bared in a grit of anger. “I didn’t take your kid away. You know who did? Hm? You.” Natalie snapped, Carmen flinched at the cruelty of her words. “You did this, Carmen. You did every last bit of this. This is on you. No one else but you.” 

Carmen held in a cry that threatened to break out, face crumbling with tears. He rubbed his hand over his face, trying to soothe the burn and hide his distraught. “And you know something else? I know you don’t remember dad very well, but I do, ok? And lately, you’ve been acting just like him.” Sugar’s tone clipped, leaving a burning sting in Carmen’s chest at her words. 

“Yelling just because shit didn’t go your way? Do you know part of the reason mom’s so fucked up? Why everyone takes her side all the time and babies her? Uncle Jimmy and Uncle Lee? It’s because dad used to berate her, scream at her so badly- say some of the worst shit in the world because he was stressed out, that those guys would feel bad for her.” Sugar ranted. “And I promise you- promise you if I told Uncle Jimmy right now what you said, how I found your wife, he’d agree with me. Maybe even worse.” 

Carmen shifted, his heart squeezing in fear now. Jimmy loved you, always had. He held a special soft spot in his heart for you. Worse was probably right, and truthfully, Carmen would accept it- he deserved it. It wouldn’t be as bad as how he felt right now. 

Natalie held Carmen’s gaze, letting her words sink in. She lifted his hand when he started to talk. “I don’t-I really don’t want to hear it, ok?” Natalie shook her head. “And before you start trying to come up with some excuse-” 

“-I-I’m not-” 

“- I want you to know something. To hear it and really listen to it.” Natalie paused, waiting until his eyes met hers to continue. “I know you’ve been through a lot- We’ve been through a lot. But that doesn’t mean you get to just treat people like shit. That you can act like this and it’s ok.” 

“I know that.” Carmen’s jaw was tight, strangled words croaking out. 

“Then act like it.” Natalie snapped. “It’s not easy, none of this is easy, Carm. I mean… Do you know that every day- every single day, I wake up and something happens that’s shitty or rough, and I think about how easy it would be just to grab a bottle of wine or two. Drink myself unconscious like mom does. Just how easy that would be, how nice it would be just to drown myself out instead of face the issues.” 

“There’s days when MJ or Maggie or-or Pete just drive me fuckin’ nuts, and I want to pull my hair out, or scream, or Pete will do something that just pushes me right over the edge and I just want to rage.” Natalie continued, arms waving dramatically. “I want to throw in the towel, take the easy way out, rage, drink myself silly, scream at all of them until I feel better, but you know what? You know what I don’t do? I don’t do that.” 

Natalie crossed her arms, taking a breath to steady herself. “I don’t do that to them because I know how that feels.” Her voice cracked, just barely, enough to show the emotion that was hiding underneath. “I know how that felt. I know how that made me feel.” 

Carmen could feel his eyes brimming with tears again, too emotional to be embarrassed. Donna’s many red faced, slurred screaming tyrades came back to his mind. How he’d hide, try and stay quiet and invisible to avoid them. Even as he got older. 

“I know how that fucked me up. How it fucked them up. How it fucked you up, an-and Mikey up. I mean- how it…it fucked our whole life up!” Sugar laughed humorlessly, throwing her hands up in mock defeat. “I just… When I think about that, and about how it just ruined all of us. That’s the last thing, the very last thing, I’d ever want to do to my kids, to Pete, t-to anyone, really.” 

Carmen nodded, too overwhelmed with emotions to speak. His throat burned, scratchy and sore from screaming and crying. His chest was tight, constricting his lungs, stealing his breath. He was on the verge of an anxiety attack, maybe something worse, yet, he felt eerily calm in the moment. Still even under the shame and hurt her words brought. He sat on the porch, sure his knees would give out soon, head spinning and dizzy with this damning realization. 

 “You need to make up your mind. Make a decision, right here, right now.” Sugar continued behind him. Though he couldn’t see her, he knew her face was stoic to hide the hurt, hide the emotions. A classic Berzatto deflection trait. “You need to decide what you’re going to do to be better for your family. If you’re going to continue to be a selfish, piece of shit, or if you’re going to change; be better.” 

Carmen’s shoulders shuddered with his next breath, deep but not intentional; like he didn’t even know he did it. Too dazed and deep in thought, staring blankly ahead. “I can tell you,” Sugar stepped towards the door. “It’s not comfortable. It’s not easy. It is so hard some days. You have to fight for it every day, fight to break shit that was drilled into you, fight to recognize that some things you do, you don’t even mean to. It takes a lot of work, but… I’d rather fight every single day to be better, to be kinder and softer and more understanding for my family, than to not have them at all.” 

Carmen couldn’t stop thinking of you. How you were so naturally nurturing and sweet. You’d always been like that. You were loving and gentle freely. You’d always been so patient with him. It almost made him feel insecure, inferior, when he thought of it before, but now, he just wanted to return the favor. 

“You decide what you want to do, and then maybe- maybe you’ll get to see them again.” Sugar turned the door knob, pushing it open. “But today? Not a chance. Go get yourself together before you try and do this again.” Carmen flinched at the door slamming behind her, harder than he thought it would. Still, he didn’t move from his spot on the porch, head in his hands, deep in thought about his future, his past, everything. 

“There he is!” Fak’s voice was muffled through the car window, slowly pulling to a stop in Sugar and Pete’s driveway. 

Carmen looked up slowly, taking a slow, grounding exhale in, just as Richie and Fak climbed out of the car. “Cousin, thank fuckin’- You better be glad he’s here.” Richie glared at Fak. 

“I am!” Fak chirped defensively. 

Carmen stood slowly, turning one last time to look at the front door. He couldn’t see through the small privacy glass on the door, but he swore he could hear you- hear your voice. Soft and hushed, a little cautious mixing with Sugar’s reassuring one. It took everything in him not to turn and bust the door down, run inside and throw himself at your feet, begging for forgiveness. 

He knew that time would come. 

Instead, he walked to the car, sliding in the backseat, ignoring the confused looks Richie and Fak gave each other. “So, uh, did you-” 

“-Don’t ask that.” Richie cut off Fak with a bark of annoyance. “What’s the matter with you?” 

“Nothing! I just- I thought we all wanted to know-” 

“-Hey, Cousin,” Carmen muttered, staring blankly at the house. Richie hummed, turning to Carmen carefully. “What’s, uh… You-You said you had someone for me to talk to?” 

“Yeah,” Richie nodded slowly. “The therapist?” 

Carmen paused, swallowing slowly. “You…You think she’d see me now?” 

“Right now?” Richie lifted a brow. Carmen nodded slowly, still looking past him, eyes glued on the house. He swore he could see a figure move- your figure, peeking through the blinds before ducking back into the shadows. “Yeah, I’m sure she will. I can… I can call her. See what I can do.” 

“Thanks.” Carmen twisted his wedding band gently, the car jolting gently as Fak started to back out. 

Fak turned around, looking from the back window to Carmen with a hesitant grimace. “You ok?” He asked, his voice dropped to a low hush with Richie on the phone beside him. 

“No,” Carmen admitted, shoulders slumping in defeat. “No, I-I’m not, but… I wanna be.” Carmen looked at Fak, eyes glassy with emotion. “I gotta get my shit together. Gotta do better f-for my family.” 

Fak nodded slowly, pulling out onto the road, slowly shifting the gears back into place. The car began to roll, Carmen watching Sugar and Pete’s house disappear in the rearview. His heart tore, ripped right down the middle and split at the seams knowing he was leaving you, Teddy- his family behind. It took everything, every ounce of strength not to turn around, not to run back. It hurt, but he realized, this is what Sugar was talking about. 

So, Carmen went to the other side of town, to the small building where Richie’s therapist was. His counselor he’d started seeing a while back, when he was on his purpose journey. 

It was weird, weirder than Al-Anon. Carmen felt entirely too vulnerable sitting in that chair, having her stare at him and only him, nodding as he told his ‘story’- it felt weird to call it that. He didn’t want it to be his story, his defining qualities. No, Carmen wanted a new story, a better one with you and Teddy and his family. He’d told Dr. Mullins that. 

“I think that’s a great start, Carmen.” She nodded, giving him a soft smile. “So, tell me how you’d do that.” 

Carmen scoffed lightly, looking down at his hands. “I, uh, I don’t really know.” He admitted. “Kinda thought that’s what you were for.” 

“You’re right. I’m here to help you reach that goal, maintain it.” She nodded. “But in order to do that, I need to know a little more.” 

“Like what?” Carmen muttered. “I don’t really remember my dad and all the bad shi-stuff he’d do.” 

“You said you didn’t want that to define you, so let’s not talk about that.” She shook her head softly. “Let’s focus on what you want. What kind of life you’d want to live with your family.” 

Carmen’s knee bounced, taking a shaky breath. “I… I don’t want to lose control.” He admitted. “I don’t want t-to scream, and say shit I don’t mean, and-and to take it out on people who don’t deserve it.” He looked up at her. “I don’t want to do that again.” 

“Good.” Dr. Mullins nodded slowly. “Let’s start there.” 

[erwinsvow]

hii shea idk if someone has already made this type of request if that's the case please ignore me but i can't stop thinking about shy!reader absolutely cock drunk asking for the first time rafe to fuck her raw and the question caught him so off guard that he felt feral and dizzy, his composure slipping away just wanting to please his sweet girl<3

hi baby omg no i don't have any reqs like this here it is hope i did it justice <33

rafe was teasing you today.

after more than an hour of back and forth at whatever party you two had gone to for the evening—and only because rafe wanted to sell and your friends had already promised they'd be there—you were more than ready to go home.

except rafe hadn't taken you home yet. instead you'd been all around the house—on rafe's lap in the living room to start. leaning in to your boyfriend's ear, you know he can tell how desperate you're getting.

you don't do well with denial anymore—rafe had spoiled you too much for that.

"can't we go now?" the words are whispered to rafe, and you rest your head on his shoulder, blinking up at him while you wait for a response. one of his hands leaves the armstand of the sofa and grips your exposed thigh, skirt riding up a little too much.

"it's early. hold out a little longer. can you do that for me?"

you think your eyes are going to roll all the way back. the answer is yes, of course, you can do that for him. you would do anything for him. you just don't want.

following that, you accompanied rafe to the other side of the house where a whole swarm of people were chasing their next high. though you should really stand next to him, you just can't find it in you today, instead staying his back, peering out every now and then like shy children do.

it's all worth it, because moments later rafe takes you upstairs, murmuring something about how you're being a good girl for holding out. there's an empty bedroom that you think is the perfect place to spend the next hour.

rafe's talking to you—though you're so deliriously horny you can't really hear him. you nod and stare up, agreeing to whatever your boyfriend wants to do, just wishing he would hurry up and do something already, when the door opens.

you're not naked, though if they had barged in a few minutes later, you might have been. and normally you think your face would be burning, that you might die of embarrassment at someone catching you like this.

instead you're just mad.

it's the owner of the house—which makes sense, since your boyfriend has brought you up to the master. he's got a girl of his own on his arm, and you grind your teeth getting up with rafe, furious and impatient now.

"at least knock next time!" you yell when you shuffle through, ignoring splutters of it's my house!

you think rafe is going to ask you what you want to do next—but he doesn't. your boyfriend, like always, knows what you need before you can even know it sometimes. you follow rafe back to his truck, ready for, at the very least, some peace and quiet.

when you finally get up to rafe's room, the buzz of the party is wearing off a bit. your feet hurt from your heels and you can't believe you yelled at someone. lost in your own thoughts, you don't even process rafe sitting down next to you, until he takes your feet into his lap, undoing the strap of your shoes for you.

it's instant—one touch from him is enough to set your skin on fire.

"oh," you say, at the sudden realization you might finally be getting what you want. you stare at where rafe is holding your ankle in place, shoes on the ground now. "thank you."

"s'nothing, kid. get on the bed." eagerly, you comply.

in the vain hope that rafe was as impatient as you are—you thought he would just fuck you already. but it seems not, with the slow way he kisses up and down your neck, down to your tits and your stomach.

you find it a lot easier to ask him for things now—a new dress, dessert, money for your nails—but it seems impossible to ask him for this, so you opt for enjoying it and staying silent.

but even then—rafe always knows when something is wrong. you're practically vibrating from anticipation—you had wanted your boyfriend to fuck you hours ago on that stupid couch from that stupid house. it seems your body was only now realize how long you'd been clenching your thighs, biting your cheek and ignoring the tense knot in your stomach.

a few touches from rafe was enough to have you practically melting—staring up and still not saying anything.

"y'okay, kid?" he asks, and you really don't know how to answer. "s'okay. you're getting what you want."

you can do this. you're patient—you've always been patient.

"can you-please, just-" alright, maybe not. "can you please just fuck me raw, please, please, just fuck me-"

of course, rafe's not stupid. he could tell you've been on edge all night, he just hadn't known why. he stares down at you, all flushed, hot skin and heavy breaths, looking up at him. he knows whatever reaction he gives you will stay on your mind, and though he can try as hard as he wants, you are impossible to say no to.

"jesus. s'that really what you want?" you nod eagerly. "can't regret this later, baby. once we do that, it's-it's serious. what if i knock you up, huh?"

rafe watches you take in the words, facing twisting in understand.

"please knock me up."

[iarchmybaculaa]

Pairing: Ex! Jungkook x reader

Warnings: Jungkook is subjectively a little toxic, Mentions of an ongoing divorce, possessive! Jungkook, Girl Dad! Jungkook, unprotected sex (don't do that irl), oral sex (f receiving), Slight brat reader, Jeon Jungkook is a menace, reader is implied to be black

Word count: 5.2 k (I think)

🎧: Woo- Rihanna

For: @hobicakess and Paige💗

Jungkook is good at a lot of things

Hes a fantastic singer. He dances very well (even if he likes to fein shyness at parties). Jungkook can cook, he can multitask seamlessly and (almost) effortlessly, and he can put Jinhae to sleep in a matter of minutes… It would be much easier to list the things that Jungkook isn't good at.

Jungkook isn't very good at sharing.

He doesn't like sharing food, clothes or people.

You think it may be his biggest if not only flaw.

Jungkook considers the people in his life his. He doesn't expect them to have the same importance in someone else's life, as they do in his. And he doesn't expect them to think of other people the way they do of him, either.

You don't know if it's because he fears that he'll be replaced, or because he was raised as an only child. But whatever it was, Jungkook let it consume him. Holistically.

You remember how he had reacted when Yoongi- his mentor,had taken on a new intern. Jungkook and Yoongi had attended the same highschool within a few years of each other; and had met again when Yoongi was a TA at SNU. Yoongi had taken Jungkook under his wing, as less of a student, and more like a little brother; and their bond lasted way beyond college. Yoongi was so proud of Jungkook that he was practically All he spoke about. Jungkook had gotten used to things being that way.

Then one day, all of a sudden, Yoongi was no longer “Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook”; he was all “Jimin, Jimin, Jimin” much to the Younger's chagrin.

To his credit, Jungkook was nothing but nice to Jimin during the time he worked for Yoongi. He bought him coffee once in a while and even invited him out for drinks whenever the opportunity arose. Jimin was cool. Jungkook would even go as far as to say that Jimin was his friend. Jungkook barely knew the guy! He had nothing against him.

It was Yoongi he was pissed at.

Yoongi was the one who owed Jungkook his loyalty. Yoongi was the one who had nursed Jungkook through his first hangover, and held him when he cried about failing a class. Yoongi was there when Jungkook got his first, off campus apartment. Yoongi was Jungkook 's Yoongi.

At first, Yoongi didn't understand it. It made no sense that Jungkook seemed so fond of Jimin, yet he soured whenever the latter's name was mentioned. It gave him whiplash. It went on for a solid month and a half of Jungkook's scowls and petulant pouts for Yoongi to finally realize that something was deeply wrong, and that he needed to get to the bottom of it.

It took 2 bottles of soju and 3 glasses of whiskey for Jungkook to crack. His reasoning was so funny that Yoongi almost didn't feel bad for laughing at him. All it took to pacify Jungkook was for Yoongi to give him a hug, followed by a quick

“you'll always be hyung's favourite, Kook-ah.” as he ruffled his hair.

Jungkook was only 22 when that had happened. And he'd like to believe he's grown a lot since then.

He's advanced enough in his career that he's not Mr. Bang's payroll anymore, but rather pays him. Jungkook has grown in a literal sense too, having had a growth spurt one random day after he turned 23 (there was no containing him once he realized that he was 6 feet tall) .

Jungkook has (helped) create life; your daughter Jinhae. It's the thing he's proudest of, second only to marrying you.

But Jungkook is only human.

So it's only natural that he feels an itch rise on the back of his neck everytime he picks Jinhae up from your apartment, and all she can talk about is your new boyfriend.

He got so…irritated the more Jinhae babbled on about “Woo- Woo” that he felt a little silly. But who could blame him? He would be holding Jinhae 's hand as they walked through the park for their daddy daughter time, and every other sentence would be about this ‘’Woo Woo”.

Seokjin had once joked that she had switched from being 'Daddy's girl' to 'Woo-Woo’s girl' , and Jungkook 's body took a screenshot. He shot Jin a look so vile, that the older stayed quiet for the rest of the day.

Jungkook really had tried to ignore it as best as possible. And he (thought) he was doing fairly well until that evening, when Jinhae had let it slip that:

‘’Mama kissed Woo-Woo today.”

He had just picked her up from her taekwondo class, and was about to pull out of the parking lot when Jinhae gave him the oh so lovely news.

Jungkook isn't a monster, he thinks he's let this little charade go on for much longer than was respectable. He wasn't going to let that slide.

He took a sharp left and sped down the highway. If he wasn't so caught up in his head, he would've heard Jinhae 's excited scream of:

“YAY! we're going to Uncle Yoonie's house’

You had just finished taking a long, warm bath. Your feet had been aching, and your back felt worse than it did before you had gotten your epidural. You needed a break; desperately.

The silence in the apartment was a welcome change.

You loved Jinhae with all your heart, but children were tiring to deal with alone. Children could be incredibly difficult, just for the fun of it. Especially spoilt, almost-five year olds who are used to their daddy obeying their every beck and call.

God forbid you didn't do “ the voice” right, after reading “The little Prince” five times in a row! suddenly you were public enemy number one.

At least you could bask in the fact that Jinhae never threw (noisy) tantrums or threw things, but you felt that she had quadruple the attitude your hus- ex, accused you of having.

But tonight, the only attitude you have to worry about dealing with, was from Kim when you researched the earliest seasons of Keeping up with the Kardashians. What can you say? There's truly nothing funnier to you than upper class white women trying to be relatable. To this dat, their target audience was a mystery to you. You can't think of a single person whose biggest problem was how many times their name got googled in a day. You find it hard to take anything they ‘’go through' seriously, because if we're being honest, people really are dying Kim!

You walk out of the bathroom wrapped in a soft white robe.

You reach for the the lilac, silk pajama set laid out on your bed. You had bought it from an online lingerie store, after a few glasses of wine a few weeks ago. You had been so…bored that you did the most exciting thing your numb brain could come up with in that moment.

You scoff at your past self. It was more cute than anything, not nearly as scandalous as some of the items you have hidden in the back of your closest. But you're not complaining.

The shorts are a bit shorter than you expected, but the silk is soft a high quality, and the lace that lines the top isn't itchy at all. You untwist your bun, and your braids cascade down your shoulders. You grab the bottle of black castor oil from your dresser, and run the nozzle along the parts. You sigh as you reach up to massage your scalp.

It's in little moments like these that you miss Jungkook the most. You hate to admit, but you used to be just as spoilt as Jinhae. Jungkook used to pamper you in every way possible. He would oil your scalp for you, order your hair products months in advance so that you'd never run out, and give you massages whenever your shoulders stood too rigid.

But you didn't have Jungkook anymore. You suck your teeth in annoyance at yourself for thinking about him so much.

You had just finished applying your vitamin c serum to your face, when you heard an incessant pounding on your door. You pause your music just as Kali Uchis asks if she can get a kiss. You're confused as to why someone is knocking on your door, when you have a very obvious doorbell attached to the frame. It's even stranger given what time it is.

You slip your feet into your cow print night slippers, as you step off the plush rug that lay on the floor in front of your vanity; and unto the floor.

The slippers slap against the floor as you walk towards the living room, and to whoever the hell wouldn't stop pounding on your door at 9pm on a Friday.

You throw the door open, ready to demand an explanation when you stop dead in your tracks.

To say you're surprised at who is standing at your door would be an understatement. You're not sure who you were expecting to see, but it certainly wasn't Jungkook. You're even more surprised to see him without Jinhae in tow.

You don't think that you've been alone with Jungkook for more than a few minutes at a time since the divorce; and even so, Jinhae has always been just a few feet away.

You feel worry start to settle in your stomach.

“Where's JJ? Is she okay?” You ask, praying that what came out of his mouth next isn't bad news.

He chuckes. It's a sound that comes from deep inside his chest and reverberates across the empty hallway. It's an empty laugh, with no humour behind it. It makes a chill run up and down your spine.

“Jinie is fine. She's with Yoongi; and she's the last of your worries right now” he says.

For once, Jungkook hasn't cracked a single smile the entire time he's been in your presence. It's obvious that he's mad, but you're not sure at what. You're not sure that you vare.

He isn't wearing a suit right now, and you can't recall the last time you'd seen him in anything but.

Jungkook worked extraordinarily long hours. You knew that working late and being burnt out would be a part of his life, especially the more his business grew, but it hadn't phased you at the time. There was nothing to be phased about.

At the time, Jungkook always put you first. And when Jinhae was born, he did the same thing. There was never a time where he had left you to fend for yourself with a newborn. He had been there through it all. From colic, to 3 am feedings to explosive diaper changes. He had never let you feel alone as a parent, or in your marriage.

Until around 8 months ago that is.

8 months ago, you feel like Jungkook had just stopped trying.

You know for a fact that Jungkook is terrified of being poor. It's why he always has another merger to make with one of his three companies, and dips his toes into every industry imaginable. His influence spanned over tech, real estate and even clothing. You think Jungkook's fear is understandable, you don't think it's fair. It was teetering on the edge of paranoia and greed.

He was trying so bad to make sure that he could take care of his family, that he wasnt.

He would get home from work after Jinhae went to bed, and left before she got ready for school. You had spent one too many nights falling asleep on the couch waiting for him to come home; only to wake up in your bed the next morning with a handwritten note on your bathroom mirror. They were sweet and all..but not much more.

As much as you appreciated the affirmations, his words meant nothing when there was no action behind them. Promises to come home home early the, family outings that never happened… You felt like you were a kid whose love was expected to be bought with money, and placated with empty commitments all over again. You could count on a bouquet of roses being delivered at your door every morning, more than you could count on your own husband being there.

You hated it.

You were starting to hate him.

It had gotten to a point where Jungkook had just given his secretary reign over his personal phone. You almost lost your mind when you had called him to ask what he wanted for dinner once, and she answered and told you that he was busy.

You could hear Jungkook 's laughter in the background, and the noise was not a professional setting. In fact, it sounded a lot more intimate and cozy. Like a restaurant or small bar. You felt sick to your stomach. You couldn't even get the chance to talk to Jungkook about it, because you barely saw him.

The look on his face when you served him the divorce papers in person at his office was borderline comical. His eyes had widened so far out of their sockets, that you thought the expression was causing him physical pain. You had said nothing. You simply handed him the papers and stayed long enough for him to read the heading. He clearly wanted to communicate through words on paper, so who were you to not oblige him with some?

As far as you know, Jungkook had never signed the papers, but he did follow all the other conditions you had outlined in your petition for separation.

He got an apartment for you and Jinhae in a building he didn't own, and was never late for any pickups or dropoffs, save for once when he had the flu.

A part of you had forgotten how young Jungkook was.

The suits he wore aged him plenty. Not in an old, haggard way, but in a way that made him appear more refined and serious than he actually was. His hair was always cut short and clicked away from his face. The collars of his shirts were always ironed to sharpness. Hell, he even wore sensible shoes.

If you hadn't seen every inch of Jungkook 's body before, and gone to college with him…You would have pegged him for an uptight dogooder. You're sure it helped him get taken seriously in the corporate world, but overtime, it was as if Jungkook had forgotten his roots. As if he had morphed into a no nonsense, mormon-esque version of himself.

But the Jungkook standing before you now, is the Jungkook you know and lov- respected. Jungkook who proudly wore his colorful sleeve of tattoos,silver hoops through his lips and a stud in his nose. The Jungkook who liked to wear cargo pants and oversized shirts with stomper boots he could barely walk straight in.

You knew he had showered before he had come over, because his hair was still curly. He hadn't blow-dried it. His hair is much longer than it was when you had last saw him. It fell past his eyes now. He had started growing it out sgain because Jinhae told him she wanted to. At least, that's what he had told you.

What had really happened was that Jinhae had been asking a lot of questions about “ when appa wasn't so old” one Saturday when they had gone out for ice cream.

“Appa, Mommy says your hair used to be w-eally long and pwetty. Can it come back? Mommy misses it.”

Jungkook hadn't cut his hair again since.

“Aren't you going to invite me in?” He asks, one eyebrow raised at you.

You fold your arms across your chest.

“I'm not sure why I should. Besides, I don't think that this is a good time.”

“Oh? Why's that? You lip expecting someone else,princess?’ He takes in your attire from head to toe. His eyes linger for a little too long in your chest. His voice goes deeper as he struggles to finish his last question.

You don't answer, and it makes his eye twitch.

It's so ridiculous, yet so on brand of him to create a hypothetical scenario in his head and get all eaten up about it. He takes a deep breath.

He doesn't want to blow his fuse. Not here, Not yet.

“ I need to talk to you. Inside. Please.” He asks, but it's not really a request.

You roll your eyes and turn your back to him as you walk away.

He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth as he watches your ass jiggle in the tiny shorts. He enters behind you, and the door closes softly with a click.

You walk over to the fridge and grab the unfinished can of Arizona Iced tea, and a glass from the cupboard. You were looking forward to having a glass of wine tonight, but if you were going to talk to Jungkook… you needed to be stone cold sober.

“You want anything?” You ask, as you pour the content into the glass. “ I think I have some b-”

“What I want is answers.” He says simply, leaning in the arched entryway.

You look at him with confusion written all over your face, before your pettiness takes over.

“ Oh yeah? Well I wanted signed divorce papers, and yet here we are.”

You take a swig from your cup and let the sweetness of the drink coat your tongue.

You see Jungkook release a breath so deep that his entire body shakes.

“ Who are you kissing in front of my kid?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” he says with his arms crossed against his chest. “Who are you kissing in front of my kid?”

You're getting irritated now, because for one, what the hell is he talking about, and two…Who was Jungkook to talk to you like that?

“Jungkook. First of all, she's our kid. And secondly, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. And even if I did… I wouldn't tell you jack shit. What or who I do is none of your business.”

Jungkook pushes himself off the threshold and starts walking towards you. His steps are slow and strong. His strides are long,and he has your back pressed into the counter in a matter of seconds.

You haven't been so close to Jungkook in so long, that everything about him overwhelms you in the best way possible. He smells so, so good. He smells like sandalwood and warm vanilla. He smells like home. His proximity to you is dizzying, and you can only pray that you'll keep it together.

He puts his arm on one side of you, leaving your left completely open. If you wanted to get away from him, you could. You stayed in place. It tells him everything he needs to know.

“Have you completely lost your fucking mind Y/N?” He questions. He reaches for your left hand and your heart sinks down to your ass. The diamond of your wedding ring glitters under the lights hanging from the the ceiling. The princess cut stone is practically mocking you.

“What do you think I gave you this ring for huh? Fun? Fucking decoration?” He jests, “You know, for someone who never shuts her big mouth up about divorce, you sure keep this on don't you baby?”

You don't deny it. There's no point in doing so. You know that if you do, he'll lift the ring upwards. And you know that when he does, he'll find the unmistakable circle of a tan line wrapping around your ring finger.

He strokes his thumb against your cheek, and you almost preen at his touch. “Who's ‘Woo- Woo’ baby?”

“None of your business.” You bite out.

“When are you gonna get it through your thick skull, that you are my business?!”

He runs his hand through his long hair, and you can see his face so much better. He's as beautiful as you remember and he's right in front of you.

You don't know who leaned in first, but you do know how soft lips feel as they press against yours. You fell the metal of his lip piercings touch the roof of your mouth as you suck his lip into you mouth.

He puts his hand under your ass, and your legs wrap around him on instinct. He lifts you and bring you over to the cool marble of the kitchen island.

His hand tugs on the hem of your blouse, and you pull away from him.

“Kook, we can't.” You whine as you pull away.

Jungkook uses his thumb to wipe some of the spit from the corner of your mouth, and fixes your shirt so your boob is no longer at risk of spilling out.

“Okay baby, we'll stop and we can talk over dinner. Do you want me to make something or do you want to get takeout?” He asked as he pulls away from you.

He doesn't get very far, because you wrap your legs around him, and pull you back to him.

“Wait- I didn't really mean that.” You whisper. Jungkook has a sneaking suspicion that you weren't just talking about telling him no.

“You want me baby?”

You nod your head yes, too embarrassed to open your mouth lest your voice shake.

He cradles your face, and tilts it upwards so you have no choice but to look him in the eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” You answer affirmatively, reaching forwards to capture his lips again.

Youre not even thinking about the Pandora's box that you might be opening; and quite frankly? You don't care.

You're acutely aware that you wont be able to blame your decision on being drunk or tipsy. The only thing driving you was a burning need to have Jungkook deep inside you (where he belonged).

He litters kisses along your neck as he slides his hand down your shorts. Your hips buck forward on instinct, and you shudder as you feel his fingers ghost your clit.

“Why are you naked under here?” He growls out. grip tightening around you waist. “I'm starting to think that you were expecting someone tonight.” he muses.

He spreads your folds with two fingers, reveling in the way your arousal leaks out of you and unto his fingers.

“ Is that why you're so eager, baby? Hm? Is that why you're so wet? You decided that you were gonna get fucked one way or another? Is that it?”

He asks each question as he thrusts his fingers in and out of you. It shallow. He doesn't allow you the pleasure of going further than his first knuckle. You try to grind down on his digits, but he holds your hips down with his free hand.

“Whoever you've been giving my pussy away to, hasn't been doing a very good job... have they?” He groans as you clench around him.

“Jungkook please. I want-”

“Shh baby, I know. I'll give it to you I promise. Just give me one first” he begs as he speeds up his circles on your clit.

He sinks his teeth into the sensitive spot on your neck, and you cum almost instantly. Your body shakes and you wrap your arms around his neck as your pussy convulses around his fingers.

You barely have time to recover before he's pulling your shorts down, and cleaning up the mess you made. He catches the slick of you orgasm on your tongue just as it starts running down your leg.

He goes at your pussy like a man starved. You cry out the moment his tongue enters you. You ride his tongue with vigor, gripping unto the counter for stability.

Jungkook pulls away from you for moment. His mouth is shiny from your juices, and his eyes are already so blown out that you want to fuck him even more.

He guides your hand to his hair, and encourages you to grab the tendrils.

“Use me, baby” he instructs.

His voice is so gravelly and raw, that you can do nothing but oblige him.

You grip the roots of his hair and push his head back between your legs. You both moan when he starts lapping at you again. You hold his head in place, guiding him where you want him; where you need him.

The second time you cum, your legs closed so tight around his head that Jungkook thought he had died and went straight to heaven.

You pull him away from your core by his hair, and bring him up to your face. You clean his face with your own tongue, and lean in to kiss him so you both taste like you. Your chests are still heaving when Jungkook carries you to your room.

He lays you gently on the bed, and takes his shirt off at the same time you toss your blouse over your head. He's about to undo the strings of his sweatpants when he stops cold in his tracks..

“ Shit, baby…I don't have any condoms. I didn't plan on this-”

“ It's okay,” You reassure him “ I'm clean. Are you?”

Jungkook looks a little scandalized. “Of course I'm clean, I haven't - I havent been with anyone except you since before we started dating.” His honesty shines so brightly in his eyes that you almost want to pull him into a hug.

You release a shaky, nervous breath you didn't know you had been holding.

“ Good. I want to feel you, all of you.”

The bed sinks as Jungkook climbs over you, one leg on each side of your body.

You've missed this view. Him on top of you, chain swining in your face, and big doe eyes filled with lust for you and only you.

He takes a hairtye from around his wrists, and pulls his hair into a low manbun. His cock is already painfully hard, red and leaking from the tip.

You spread your legs as Jungkook nestkes in-between them. He lifts one of your legs over his shoulder, and presses a soft kiss to your calf.

He rubs himself between your folds, mesmerized by how quickly your wetness coats him.

He lines himself up with your entrance, and pauses.

“Are you sure you're ready baby? I don't want to hurt you.”

“ Is that it? Or are you scared that you don't hold a candle to ‘Woo-Woo’ my” you jest. Jungkook doesn't find it very funny.

He pushes himself into you, but as wet as you are, you're still so, so tight. Your pussy is so warm…hot even, that Jungkook almost cums the moment yes fully sheathed in you.

You're just as tight as he remembers, tighter even.

You both moan when he delivers his first thrust. You haven't had dick in so long,that you'd forgot what it felt like. How it felt like to have your walls stretched and your g spot caressed, how delicious and heavy the drag was inside you. How good Jungkook was at this. You feel so good that Jungkook practically forgets that he's supposed to be mad at you.

“You know you belong to me right?” Jungkook demands as he thrusts into you, slow and forceful. You don't answer and turn your face away from him He wraps his hand around your throat as speed up.

“Fucking look at me when I'm talking to you!”

His thrusts become faster, punishing. He practically ploughs you into the mattress as whatever restraint he had before vanishes into thin air. You scream the more intense the pleasure gets.

“ I should fuck another baby into you, you know that? Hm? Should swell your tummy up with another one of my kids, so you have nine months to think about why the fuck you would do something as stupid as try to leave me.”

He finds your gspot as effortlessly as he usually does, and he hits it over and over and over again.

“Jungkook PLEASE” you cry. You reach your hand out to push against the hardness of his abdomen. He takes your hand and kisses it. You're so close. So fucking close, and Jungkook can tell.

“You want to cum, don't you baby?”

You nod frantically. Your pussy is practically raw from overstimulation, and you feel so much pressure building inside you that you don't know whether you want to run away from the pleasure or dive headfirst into it.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! I need to please.”

“Then tell me. Fucking tell me you're mine”

“Fuck, I'm yours, Jungkook! Please!” you cry.

“ How many people have you fucked since you left? Answer me!” He commands you, adding a finger to your clit to the mix.

“Nobody, no one, Jungkook Please!”

“ I know baby, I just needed you to admit it.”

He leans down and places a soft kiss to your temple. He gives you two more delicious thrusts that make your toes curl and your eyes roll back. Your lurches forward as your orgasm rips through you. Your walls convulse around him, squeezing him so tight that Jungkook feels a bit dizzy.

“Baby,” he whines “unwrap your legs so I can pull out.” He gasps when your legs only wrap tighter around him. “Baby, I have to-”

“N-no,” you protest “ I want it inside Jungkook please.”

He cums so forcefully that his orgasm leaves him winded and his arms almost give out. He spils his seed into you, and you feel the warmth of it coat your walls.

He pulls out of you as he begins to soften, and collapse beside you as he tries to catch his breath. You both turn to look at each other, and Jungkook offers you a soft smile.

He notices the sweat starting to bead on your forehead, and turns his head to switch your fan on.

That's when you see it. Your eyes bug out of their sockets.

“Jungkook, what the hell is that on your neck?”

“ What are you talking about?”

“Right there,” you turn his head to the right to get a better look. Your heart starts thumming uncontrollably in your chest. Because there it was, your name in bold black letters for everyone to see.

“Jungkook…When did you get that?”

“Hm…about five months ago?” he chuckles. He had the decency to look sheepish.

“Jungkook!” You say as you slap his chest “ We weren't even together!”

“ Correction, we are together, we just have separate living arrangements.”

You look at him incredulously.

“You're crazy, you know that?’

“About you? Yeah..Real crazy baby” he flirts “Hey, you never told me woo this ‘Woo-Woo’ guy is anyways .”

You roll you eyes at him as you climb of the bed.

“I can't tell you who he's not. He's not the one whose cum is dripping out of me right now. Are you gonna join me on the shower or what?”

Fin.

[miffette]

‎ ˖ ࣪ ⊹ ༺ BLING OUT .ᐟ ༻ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

01 ⁺ act like a man ᯓ⛧

༺ PAIRING soccer player!jungkook x mcbling!fem!reader

༺ SYNOPSIS every single person who was acquainted with choi yn knew she wasn’t big on soccer, she never even came close to a soccer ball, it just wasn’t her thing. following an event with her ex that left her rattled, she was determined to prove him wrong. even if it meant pretending to be her twin brother and attending the school rivalling hers just to join their soccer team. she never planned to fall in love with her pierced and tatted roommate, who just happened to be in the aforementioned soccer team. when her feelings became far too much to handle, she cursed the fact that she was under a disguise, as it was the only obstacle in her way. that and the cute girl in their chemistry class, who was oddly infatuated with her.

༺ GENRE soccer au, college au, mid 2000s au, roommate au, she’s the man inspired

༺ WARNINGS lowercase intended, profanity, misogyny, suggestive content/jokes, gender stereotypes, cringy 2000s slang, proofread but there might be typos, this is fiction it doesn’t reflect the personalities of the idols in real life

༺ WORD COUNT 6.2k

༺ NOTE this was originally planned to be a one shot but i honestly love the whole vibe of this fic that i decided to make it a little series !! this is very story driven and focuses a lot on yn’s character, but she does meet jk in this chapter yay :D hope u like it <3

“i came as soon as i heard!” YN’S WORRIED voice first entered the bedroom, then her figure appeared standing in the doorway.

minjeong, one of yn’s best friends, let out a guttural groan under her checkered comforter, her messy bleached blonde hair peeking out from underneath it.

yn quickly noticed that avril lavigne’s ‘keep holding on’ was softly playing from minjeong’s bright blue cd player, probably only fuelling minjeong’s current sour mood.

yn’s pink wedged flip flops slapped against her heels when she got closer to minjeong, before she sat down on the edge of the bed.

“i’m sorry.” yn began, her voice hushed as to not provoke minjeong, “i can’t believe they cut off the womens’ soccer team.”

minjeong pushed off her comforter away from her face, making her hair rise and fall from the pressure, “it’s whatever. i’m over it.”

yn frowned but decided against adding her own thoughts on the matter, instead she pulled out her bedazzled flip phone from her pink twinkling shoulder bag, and read a text she just received, “aeri just texted me. she said that she and jimin are on their way.”

“great.” minjeong bitterly muttered, turning around in her bed to lay on her side, with her cheek resting on her white pillow.

yn wanted to tell minjeong that everything would work out, and that she, one day, would get her chance to play soccer with a team, but she opted to stay silent.

yn was the oldest in her friend group, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t act like the mom friend; jimin did it better than she ever could anyway.

oftentimes, yn was the friend who would give fashion advice, and be there for her friends when they were having boy troubles. she didn’t know how to deal with sensitive topics, such as a dream being crushed to tiny bits.

sometimes, yn felt incompetent because of it. she felt like everything she had to offer was superficial.

“we’re here!” aeri’s familiar voice rang in yn’s ears.

yn turned her head in the direction of the doorway, and caught the sight of aeri and jimin walking towards minjeong’s bed. yn couldn’t help but guiltily feel immense relief at their arrival.

“you don’t have to be here.” minjeong expressed, her facial features were blank yet her eyes were swirling with hurt.

“don’t be silly, we’re your bffs. of course we’d be here for you.” jimin replied, as she climbed onto minjeong’s bed and sat next to yn.

aeri followed suit, and plopped herself beside jimin, choosing to sit cross-legged.

“how do you feel?” aeri asked, as she pushed her long bangs out of her face.

“fine.” minjeong mumbled, fidgeting with her fingers that were inflamed and reddened due to her picking on them all day.

“clearly you’re not.” jimin noted, grabbing hold of minjeong’s hands to stop her from further hurting herself, “you can talk to us.”

minjeong gazed up at her friends, each one harboured concern in their eyes, wanting minjeong to speak about how she felt but not forcing her to either.

“it just sucks.” minjeong answered with a sigh, her eyes were set on jimin’s hands that gently held hers, “i was so excited to tryout for the womens’ soccer team just to find out that not enough girls signed up and they had to cut off the team.”

“there’s always next year.” aeri remarked, “it’s not like you’re graduating anytime soon.”

“i know.” minjeong grumbled, “it just… i wanted to play this year. i know i’ll get three more chances, but you know… it sucks.”

“i bet.” jimin added, solemnly nodding in empathy, “you were so looking forward to playing in college after high school. i’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

yn straightened up in her seat, a sudden thought infiltrating her mind. if this were a cartoon, a shiny lightbulb would emerge above her head.

yn hastily spoke up, her voice brimming with jubilance, “what if i ask if you can join the mens’ team? i know that they’re practicing all summer because my boyfriend’s in the team.”

minjeong deadpanned, “i doubt it, yn. but thanks for the offer.”

“why not?” jimin commented, “you have nothing to lose.”

“jimin, think for a second. a girl in a team full of men?” minjeong raised an eyebrow before shaking her head in disapproval.

“again, why not?” aeri spoke up, “it’s 2006. they shouldn’t discriminate by gender and it won’t hurt to ask.”

“plus, you’re better than half of the men on that team.” yn emphasised, a toothy grin spreading on her glossy plump lips.

“thanks but—“ minjeong breathed out, a small smile was threatening to take over her face, until she was interrupted by jimin, “yn, you should still go and ask.”

“yeah, totally.” aeri grinned, nodding her head.

“yn don’t, it’s useless.”

minjeong’s words fell on deaf ears, she watched with defeat as yn stood up, and brushed off imaginary dust from her sparkling low rise jeans.

“i’ll go there now!” yn concluded with a bright smile on her dainty face, and elatedly trotted out of minjeong’s bedroom.

the summer sun felt scalding against yn’s bare arms, her hand that kept a hold on her shoulder bag was beginning to slightly sweat. in spite of that, yn proceeded to make her way through the campus of sherwood, and in the direction of the soccer field.

yn halted her footsteps when she reached the field, and stood beside the school’s soccer coach, who oversaw his team, the mens’ team, practice.

“hey coach.” yn greeted the older man with a polite smile, choosing to speak again when he nodded in acknowledgment of her presence, “i have a question.”

“shoot.” the coach gruffly replied, merely glancing in her direction.

“is there a possibility that a woman can join the mens’ soccer team?” yn wondered, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.

the coach was taken aback by her question, he turned around and faced her, “what kind of fucking question is that?”

yn gulped, she didn’t expect that kind of reaction from the man standing next to her.

she faltered for a minute, adjusting her hold on her shoulder bag, and parted her lips, “well.. um..”

“babe!” the voice of yn’s boyfriend echoed throughout the field and into her ears.

yn watched his figure, that seemed small due to the distance between them, become bigger and bigger as he dashed towards her.

“hi baby.” her boyfriend playfully grinned once he reached her, somewhat out of breath, and embraced her tightly in his arms.

“jaehyun, get off of me! you smell like sweat!” yn whined, one hand was gripping her nostrils while the other was lightly smacking jaehyun’s shoulder.

jaehyun let her go after taking his time holding her despite her complaints about his body odour, and gave her an open-mouthed kiss on her cheek, “what are you doing here?”

“your little girlfriend is wondering if a woman can join the mens’ soccer team.” the coach interjected, when he wasn’t even a part of the conversation the two shared, with such disdain colouring his voice, as if even the thought of a woman joining the mens’ team was so disgraceful. it rubbed yn the wrong way, though she remained silent.

“babe what?” jaehyun uttered, gazing at his delicate girlfriend standing in front of him, completely donned in pink and sparkles, “you want to be in the mens’ soccer team?”

“what? no.” yn furrowed her brows and shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. she didn’t like the tone jaehyun had when he asked that question, she felt like he was belittling her and her capabilities.

“even if i was, you think i won’t be able to?” yn inquired, tilting her head to the side as a form of a warning that jaehyun didn’t quite catch.

“babe, look at you.” jaehyun mentioned, gesturing his hand up and down at her figure, “you won’t even be able to go on the field because you’d be scared that you’d get dirty.”

“i could totally get dirty if i wanted to.” yn revealed matter-of-factly, ignoring the subdued chuckles that erupted from jaehyun’s teammates, who slowly trickled towards the couple until they surrounded them.

“just last week you called me crying that you broke a nail.” jaehyun insisted, grinning when his teammates laughed at his words, “you can never play soccer, especially not in a team full of men.”

it was as if he was enjoying this, enjoyed humiliating her in front of his teammates and his coach.

yn never felt so insulted before, and it made her feel way worse knowing that it came from jaehyun’s own mouth. those were his own thoughts and beliefs.

as if she wasn’t already insecure because of her appearance, and he knew that, he knew that she was afraid that people would assume that she was dumb and inept, yet he still said what he said without any regard to her feelings.

yn scowled prior to letting her facial features morph into a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, “got it.”

“see? i’m glad you understood.” jaehyun expressed, not realising that the smile that yn had on her face wasn’t genuine.

yn took out her flip phone from her shoulder bag, and pressed a few buttons to find jaehyun’s contact, before hurriedly texting him.

she sent out the text and placed her phone back in her bag, waiting a few seconds until jaehyun’s flip phone buzzed in the pocket of his shorts.

jaehyun fished out his flip phone and flicked it open, glancing at yn with bewilderment swimming in his eyes as he noticed that he received a text from her, when she was standing right in front of him.

he hesitated for a moment, gauging yn’s reaction, when she kept smiling up at him, he opened the text with a few clicks.

FROM: baby

consider urself dumped :-,(

“what?! yn you can’t just dump me because you can’t play soccer!” jaehyun immediately retorted, while dismissing the oohs and aahs that emanated from his teammates.

yn scoffed and turned on her heels, briskly walking away from the field and towards the front gates.

“babe! c’mon!” jaehyun shouted, his feet were staggering towards yn’s figure that was getting farther and farther away from him, only to be stopped by his coach, who tightly grabbed his t-shirt.

that still didn’t stop jaehyun from continuously calling out yn’s name, in hopes that it would make her come back to him.

eventually, jaehyun’s calls of her name dissipated into nothingness as she was left to her own thoughts.

in a sense, yn felt relief from the break up, as if her heart was floating, yet it was pushed back down with a sense of heaviness knowing that was who she naively dated her entire freshman year of college.

maybe she was dumb and inept.

yn was supposed to go back to minjeong’s house with the answer the coach had given her, but not only did the coach not directly answer her question, she also got her feelings hurt in the process.

she ultimately decided to return home, and send a short text to her friends about her whereabouts, promising to eventually explain what happened.

yn entered her home, and shut the front door close with a resounding click. she kept her hand on the door handle, as her mind kept her preoccupied.

ever since she stepped out of campus, her mind constantly brought her back to the coach’s hostility and jaehyun’s words.

she was able to shake off the coach’s attitude in some way, after all he was just a bitter old man, who was supposed to retire but refused to.

but jaehyun? that was her boyfriend, who she genuinely loved and adored. yet yn had a feeling that this entire time she was just eye candy wrapped around his arm to flaunt to the masses.

even if jaehyun didn’t outright say it, his disrespect towards her told her more than words ever could.

speak of the devil. yn’s flip phone rang inside of her shoulder bag, a muffled version of aqua’s ‘barbie girl’ blaring through the interior of her bag.

yn, bemused, reached her hand in her bag and pulled out her flip phone. she glanced at the little screen indicating who was calling her without having to flip it open, the letters spelling out ‘jaehyun <3’ felt like they were burning her retinas.

yn rolled her eyes and declined the call, before chucking her phone back in her bag.

“yn, you’re home.” yn’s mother emerged from the living room, approaching her daughter who remained idle near the front door.

“hey mom.” yn forced a small smile at her mother, she took off her wedged flip flops and slipped on her hello kitty slippers, before proceeding to stroll towards the stairs.

“how’s minjeong? does she feel better?” yn’s mother wondered, remembering the conversation she had with yn, about minjeong’s circumstances, before she left earlier that day. in response, yn only shrugged.

yn’s mother frowned, clearly recognising that something was wrong, “are you okay? you seem a little off.”

“i’m fine, mom. i just need to rest in my room.” yn muttered, with her cloudy eyes cast downwards, “had a long day.”

yn made her way upstairs and reached her room, she cracked the door open but didn’t let it close all the way once she entered.

her bedroom was as pink and as glittery as her outfit was, with black and white cheetah and zebra prints cluttered throughout her room. little hello kitty trinkets were dangling on the walls, and black and pink silk pillows were assorted on her made queen sized bed.

in yn’s humble opinion, her bedroom was pretty simple considering she also had a college dorm, but one wouldn’t believe that it used to be way more crowded when she was in high school, thanks to the already packed design of her room.

yn let out a loud exhale and laid her weary body on her comfortable pink silk bedsheets, prior to shimmying out of the hold she had on her shoulder bag the entire day, and shaking off her slippers off her feet.

she fluttered her eyes shut and shifted her body to lay on her side, bringing her knees close to her chest.

yn was planning to nap, in order to forget about everything that happened that day, at least momentarily, however a thunking noise repeatedly jerked her awake until she had enough.

yn huffed in annoyance, and quickly got out of bed, putting on her slippers and stomping in the direction of the noise.

the irritating noise came from her twin brother’s room, just as yn suspected. she pushed the door open, revealing her brother leaning over the open window in his bedroom, the same thunking noise repeating itself.

“yeonjun, what the hell are you doing?” yn folded her arms over her chest and leaned her shoulder against the doorframe.

yeonjun whipped his body around, defensively hiding what he was doing with his tall stature, his eyes glimmering with fear, before he realised it was just his sister.

yeonjun slouched his body, loosening the tight grip he had on the windowsill, as a sense of ease passed through his body, “i thought you were mom.”

“i’m throwing my things out the window, what’s it look like?” yeonjun added, shrugging in nonchalance and returning back to what he was doing; throwing bags out of his window and hoping the fall won’t break anything.

“why?” yn asked, she hastily glanced at the hallway, on the lookout for their mother, before returning her attention back on yeonjun.

“i’m flying to london.” yeonjun replied, he took out a rope from god knows where and flung one side of it out of the window, “my band just got a gig at a music festival.”

“what?!” yn emitted, “what about school? you just got expelled from sherwood, if you get expelled from hybla, you’re done for!”

yn shook her head in disbelief, “and how will you even pull this off without mom and dad knowing?”

“listen, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, i can’t miss this. you know it’s been my dream to get a gig with my band since forever.” yeonjun expressed, his face lighting up just from the thought of playing with his band in front of a crowd, “i got it all figured out. mom thinks i’m at dad’s and dad thinks i’m at mom’s. and in three days, they’ll both think i’m at school. easy!”

ah, the perks of having divorced parents.

yn’s gaze softened as one corner of her lips quirked up in amusement, “still you didn’t tell me what you’re gonna do about school.”

“i was kind of hoping you’d help me.” yeonjun sheepishly disclosed, rubbing the back of his neck.

yn raised her brow in question that signalled yeonjun to explain how, “you can pretend to be me! it’s just for two weeks then i’ll be back.”

“yeonjun, did you forget that i’m a woman and you’re a man? i’m sure people will realise that i’m not a man by the first day.” yn began, scrunching her eyebrows, “and, we look nothing alike other than a few facial features like our lips.”

yeonjun jokingly collapsed onto his messy bed, and clasped his hands together, giving yn the best puppy eyes he could muster, “oh please please my darling older sister! help your little brother out!”

yn contorted her delicate face in disgust in reaction to whatever the hell yeonjun was doing, “firstly, gross. i’m only 30 minutes older than you. secondly, i’ll see what i can do about it.”

yeonjun perked up, and pushed himself off of his bed, “thanks yn, you’re the best!”

yn watched yeonjun climb onto the window, one foot pressed against the floor while the other dangled out the window.

he briefly turned his head in her direction, “by the way, soobin says hi.”

“i’m still not letting him fuck me.” yn deadpanned.

“yn, that’s nasty!” yeonjun mimicked a hurl, and with the use of the rope, he cleanly leaped out of the window and onto the green grass.

with yeonjun gone, yn was left to be with her thoughts. she sat on his bed, and flitted her eyes across his room.

pretend to be her twin brother for two weeks? as if she’d do that!

yn shook her head, the movement of her head rippling her hair, and laughed at the absurdity of yeonjun’s proposition.

then an image of jaehyun’s smug face popped up in her mind, which instantly sullied her mood.

“asshole...” yn grumbled under her breath, allowing her body to descend and lay on her brother’s bed.

sherwood and hybla were rival schools, it’s been that way since their conception. every time soccer season began, they’d be pitted against each other in the very first bracket.

just last year, during yn’s freshman year, sherwood’s mens soccer team played against hybla’s mens team, which led to jaehyun crying once sherwood lost. yn still remembers how she had to comfort him when the game ended.

she recalled his snot on her cute zebra printed shirt, back then she didn’t mind it but now, she shuddered in revulsion at the thought.

she was aware of the upcoming tournaments this year’s soccer season would have, courtesy of jaehyun telling her all about them, and that the first one of the season would be sherwood against hybla.

which meant, that if yn pretended to be yeonjun and attended hybla, then she could tryout for the soccer team, get really good at it, beat sherwood and prove jaehyun wrong.

yn jolted her body upright, opting to sit cross-legged on her twin’s bed.

no matter how preposterous her plan sounded or how it might seem that she would be going too far just to prove a point, the idea excited her to no end.

yn beamed, her entire body buzzing with thrill, and swiftly returned to her bedroom to continue thinking of her plan.

“let me get this straight,” jimin announced, her hand resting on her hip, “you want us to make you look like yeonjun so you could go to his school, just so you could beat jaehyun in a soccer game to make him cry again because he hurt you?”

it was the very next day, yn called her friends to come over to her place, so that she could explain everything and declare her carefully thought out plan.

yn and her friends were scattered around yeonjun’s room, each one was preoccupied with a different activity, despite that, they were still perfectly conversing with each other.

jimin was standing in the middle of the room, her eyes were roaming around and taking note of the band posters that were plastered on the walls.

aeri was fixed beside a cd rack, skimming through the various cds that yeonjun acquired throughout the years.

minjeong was sat on yeonjun’s bed, with her back leaning against the headboard, holding her green flip phone, as her thumbs smoothly clicked the buttons to make her blocks fall in the correct sequence.

yn was taking yeonjun’s clothes out of his closet and putting them on his bed, after unfolding them and folding them again, planning to try them on later.

“pretty much, yeah.” yn nodded, pulling out another band tee from her brother’s closet before folding it, “look, i know it sounds crazy but i don’t just want to do it for revenge or to prove a point.”

“oh, really?” minjeong hummed, her eyes staying glued to the game on her phone, “‘cause after what jaehyun said to you, i would’ve done all that and more out of spite.”

aeri laughed, her signature laughter being shrill, “right, he was a total douche!”

“well yeah, that’s what my initial plan is after all.” yn responded, while she paused rummaging through her twin’s closet, her eyes glazing over, “but i realised i struggle a lot with my self-esteem, so… i wanted to also do this for myself, to show myself that i’m more than capable.”

jimin, aeri and minjeong all halted their respective activities and gazed at yn with adoration in their eyes, in reaction to her vulnerable confession.

“let’s do it.” jimin firmly decided, before moving towards yn to help her peruse through yeonjun’s clothes.

yn’s eyes widened in perplexity, as she spotted aeri and minjeong dropping what they were previously doing and joining her and jimin.

“you guys will actually help me?” yn questioned, her eyes twinkling just like how her clothes usually do, “you do realise that this is all very crazy, right?”

“of course, but we love crazy.” aeri giggled, squeezing yn’s dainty face, the action only served to widen the smile on yn’s plump lips.

jimin clapped once, refocusing the attention on her, “alright team! we have a lot of work ahead of us, plus, we have a deadline. yn has to be at hybla in two days, we have to do the best we can to transform our bff into her twin brother.”

“we also have to make up an excuse for her at school since she’d be absent.” minjeong clarified, prior to catching the sight of yn’s concerned gaze, “yn, stop looking at me like that.”

“you don’t have to help me. i know you’re going through your own stuff as it is.” yn shared, guiltily fidgeting with her wrist.

“yn, i’m fine and even if i wasn’t i’ll be fine.” minjeong replied, smiling brightly in yn’s direction, “i really appreciated that you even tried to find a way for me to play soccer this year, regardless if it didn’t work out. you always go above and beyond for us. i know you think you’re not a good friend, but i think otherwise.”

yn’s eyes welled up with tears, as she hastily raised her hands to shelter them away from the peering eyes of her friends.

she didn’t believe minjeong’s words, at least not yet, she still felt so shallow, as if she needed to prove herself worthy of friendship and love. until then, she won’t believe it but it sure felt reassuring to hear that.

yn sensed three pairs of arms wrapping themselves around her figure, and she instantly recognised what her friends were doing; they just initiated a group hug.

“get your arms off of me, i’m not crying!” yn facetiously complained, wiping the tears off her cheeks, and laughed to alleviate the heavy feeling she felt inside just from minjeong’s sincere words.

they eventually released their hold on her, but not before affectionately pinching her, and proceeded to carry out their plan.

“what are we gonna do about yn’s body?” aeri asked, glancing up and down at yn’s well endowed figure.

“what about my body?” yn innocently inquired.

minjeong rolled her eyes, “yn, don’t be daft.”

“well, we can bind down her chest and make her wear very baggy jeans or pants.” jimin suggested, retrieving a pair of yeonjun’s jeans from the closet, “though, i doubt yeonjun’s would fit you, i think they’ll just fall and reveal your butt if you wore them. we’d need to buy you some new ones.”

“okay, what about her hair?” minjeong interjected, grasping a few of yn’s hair strands in her hand, “do we cut it?”

“no!” yn instantly responded, rapidly shaking her head in objection.

“no need, i’m sure we’ll find a good quality wig somewhere in the mall.” aeri addressed, “yeonjun currently has a middle part, so a middle parted wig.”

“what about school or yn’s parents?” jimin wondered, “they’ll definitely get suspicious at her absence and it’ll blow her cover.”

“well, i can do what my brother did.” yn answered, “tell my mom i’m at my dad’s, and tell my dad i’m at my mom’s. they don’t talk so they won’t get suspicious.”

minjeong pursed her lips in thought, “for school, yn can pretend to be sick and since she’s an adult they won’t call her parents to confirm her condition.”

“sick with what? meningitis?” yn jested, wiping the smile off of her face when she saw that her friends were utterly on board with her suggestion, “guys! i can’t pretend to be sick with meningitis!”

“yeah, you can! because that’s a great idea.” aeri grinned, lightly patting yn’s shoulder to indicate that her little joke was more than perfect for their plan.

yn fluttered her eyes shut, an amused smile playing on her lips. there was still a long way to go. long way until she felt whole, until she’d see jaehyun realise what he lost.

but god, she couldn’t help but feel excitement at the thought of seeing him sobbing once she beats him in a soccer game, the same sport he said she could never play.

my chemical romance’s ‘helena’ played, reverberating inside aeri’s black and sleek car, as she drove yn to hybla, with jimin and minjeong tagging along in the backseat to support yn.

yn was fully transformed into yeonjun, wearing a black short middle parted wig, a black band tee over a white long sleeved shirt, washed out baggy jeans, and black sneakers.

she had eyebrow stickers on as well, to mimic yeonjun’s thick brows, since hers were daintier and thinner.

she did look like yeonjun, but a younger version of him; she looked like how he looked back in middle school.

minjeong leaned towards the driver and passenger seats, fitting her blonde head of hair between the seats, “you’ve played the same song over and over, it’s getting annoying.”

aeri pouted, glancing at minjeong from the rear-view mirror, “that’s the only song i have on a cd, and i don’t like the radio. they don’t play my favourite songs.”

“just turn it off for now.” jimin proposed, and gently pushed minjeong back onto her seat.

aeri huffed but complied with her older friend, she switched off the cd player, as silence replaced the guitar riffs and emotional vocals.

“yn, how do you feel?” jimin was the first to ask, her eyes gazing upon the changed yn.

yn let out a shaky exhale, “nervous, what if people get suspicious that i’m not yeonjun?”

“won’t happen, because they’ve never seen yeonjun before.” minjeong shook her head, and squeezed yn’s shoulder from the backseat, “we did a good job, you look pretty convincing. well, if you were a fifteen year old boy that is.”

yn groaned, hitting her head against her seat’s headrest, “i don’t know what i was thinking. i’m sitting here realising i don’t know how to play soccer, how will i get in the team?”

“you can’t back down now.” aeri reminded her, “you wanted to prove to jaehyun that you could beat him, and more importantly you wanted to prove it to yourself.”

yn frowned, her voice soft-spoken, “right.”

“you know, i was really surprised when yn didn’t get upset when she had to remove her manicure.” jimin changed the topic, chuckling, her shoulders rising and falling.

yn forced an inauthentic smile at jimin’s words, her mind bringing her back to what jaehyun told her, how she cried when her nail broke.

inadvertently, yn hid that part of herself just because jaehyun laughed about it with his pals.

“she got more upset about removing the jewels from her phone.” aeri chimed in, laughter bubbling in her voice, to which minjeong snorted in reaction.

yn jutted out her bottom lip, her tone sounding melancholic, “my bling bling….”

they arrived at yn’s destination, hybla university. aeri parked the car as yn looked out the window, her own nerves doing somersaults in her stomach and entangling themselves in one another.

“alright, i’m leaving.” yn announced, briefly glancing at her supportive friends, who all smiled towards her.

“do the man voice.” minjeong requested, a cheeky grin taking over her lips.

“alright, i’m leaving.” yn repeated, now with a deeper voice and a weird accent for some reason.

“perfect.” jimin laughed. aeri and minjeong nodded and grinned in agreement.

yn shut her eyes, repeating a mantra in her head to calm herself down.

act like a man.. act like a man.. act like a man..

when she opened her eyes, she felt a little more confident, still nervous, but a little more self-assured.

she exited the car, with a black backpack in her hand and a black duffle bag in the other, and shut the door behind her with a soft thud. she took a deep breath in and examined hybla’s fancy front gates, slinging the strap of the backpack onto her shoulder.

yn took a few steps forward, her eyes comically widening in realisation that she was being perceived, not as the blinged out yn, who rarely showed her insecurities, but as yeonjun, a strange version of yeonjun, who would rather run away than be looked at, in fear of being suspected of actually being a girl.

she wasn’t confident or self-assured at all.

yn whipped her body around, her sneakers grinding to a halt against the concrete ground, only to observe in defeat as aeri’s car pulled out of the parking spot and drove away, all the while her three friends were waving at her. now she had no way out.

she just had to face it, she wanted this, she can do it.

the only way yn soothed herself as she strolled through the unfamiliar campus was by imagining jaehyun crying with snot running down his nose.

going through hybla’s male residence hall was a disaster, the resident assistants clearly weren’t doing their jobs properly; yn was unfortunate enough to encounter someone’s junk from the very first day, just because they felt like streaking that day.

nevertheless, yn persevered and stood in front of the door of the dorm room that would be hers for the next twelve days.

her heart was beating loudly in her chest, so loud that she could hear the thumping in her ears. she wondered who her roommate would be, and hoped, prayed, that he’d be nice.

she didn’t want to imagine how she’d fare if her roommate ended up being some kind of misogynistic moron like jaehyun.

the door’s hinges let out a creak as yn pushed it open by the handle, the view of the dorm room she’d stay in for the next two weeks slowly materialised in her vision.

the dorm room seemed cluttered, similar to her dorm room back at sherwood and bedroom back at home. though instead of hello kitty and animal prints, the walls’ decorations were of famous soccer players, with each poster varying in size.

she was either rooming with a soccer player or a soccer fan.

yn glanced at her bed, that was completely bare of bedsheets and pillows of any kind. that would mean she’d have to retrieve them from a resident assistant and make her bed on her own. she doubted they had silk sheets and pillowcases.

yn’s eyes wandered around the room, gazing at the various soccer trophies that were lined up on the wooden shelves—definitely a soccer player—until she horridly discovered she wasn’t the only person in the room.

there were two guys sitting in front of computer screens, playing a game with controllers in their hands, and they were staring at her.

the third one, was standing facing her, he too, was staring at her. but this one, was shirtless and completely ripped. his abs lined up one after the other like bars of chocolate.

a strange analogy really, but that was the only image that went through her mind when she saw his abs.

if that wasn’t enough, he had a tattoo sleeve on his muscular arm, and piercings; two in his bottom lip, one in his eyebrow, and several of them in his ears.

his dark hair was styled in a mullet, the ends of his hair reaching the nape of his neck, as his shorter bangs were all ruffled and messy, only further adding to his appeal.

and his face, he was so pretty for a man with such a muscular body. each facial feature more delicate and rounded than the other.

he quirked his eyebrow in confusion, wondering why the new guy was staring at him so intently.

crap, yn was staring. she didn’t mean to, he just looked too good not to.

she mentally shook her thoughts away, about how this guy was the hottest man she’d ever seen, and parted her lips to speak, “hey.”

her voice came out much higher than she intended it to be, she hurriedly cleared her throat and spoke again, now in a deeper tone that was almost comical, “hey dawg.”

“hey…” for some reason he was apprehensive—she would be too to be fair—but to yn it wasn’t a good sign, she didn’t act natural enough.

“i’m choi yeonjun.” yn introduced herself as her brother, reaching her hand out for him to shake after dropping her duffel bag onto the floor.

“jeon jungkook.” jungkook placed his hand in hers, and lightly shook her hand before letting go.

“that’s mingyu and taehyung.” jungkook jabbed his thumb in the direction of the men, who just a few minutes ago were busy playing their game, that yn couldn’t scrutinise due to her being too busy ogling jungkook, but now were giving yn their undivided attention out of curiosity.

“dude, how old are you?” mingyu asked her, while eyeing her up and down. he quickly took notice of how young she looked; a youthful face, large eyes and plump lips.

as a woman, yn was beautiful. but as a woman disguising herself as a man, she just looked like a kid, who hadn’t went through puberty yet.

“i’ll have you know i’m a sophomore.” yn replied, slapping her chest to assert masculinity, only to regret it immediately after. it hurt and she couldn’t show that she was in pain, otherwise it would seem odd and they would start questioning her.

“jk, you’re rooming with a sophomore.” taehyung giggled at the thought of yn, a sophomore, rooming with jungkook.

he’s her roommate? yn assumed it was either one of them but she wasn’t sure whether to feel elated or absolutely terrified that it was him. whatever she felt inside she refused to let it show, and shoved it down the deepest depths of her heart.

yn furrowed her fake bushy brows, her unnatural deep voice cutting through the air, “why what grade are you dudes in?”

“mingyu and i are juniors, and taehyung is a senior.” jungkook answered, tucking his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

yn genuinely didn’t see an issue with a sophomore rooming with a junior, and generally found it baffling that taehyung thought it was funny.

though, since she was supposed to be yeonjun, and he got enough slack as it is from his bandmates due to him being older than them. yn knew he would’ve been exhilarated at the thought of being the youngest, so she chose to stay silent on the matter.

she only nodded in response, before turning around, placing her backpack and duffle bag on her bare bed.

she shifted her head towards jungkook, who was still staring at her, inspecting her every move, “are you in the soccer team?”

jungkook was pleasantly surprised, it was clear on his face that seemingly lit up at her question. he nodded his head whilst biting down on his lip piercings, “yeah, why?”

“i want to tryout for the team. do you know when tryouts start?”

༺ TAGLIST @cookysstuff @sftykth

[etherfabric]

Compliments from Spirit - What are you doing right?

Choose a pile by which picture you resonate with the most.

If your mind is too busy to clearly decide, take a few deep breaths, and use the finger of your non-dominant hand to hover over the images. One will give off the most subtle yet prominent signals, like tingles, a magnetic pull, or temperature. This is your pile. Multiples are also possible.

You are the ultimate authority over your life. I merely provide my perspective. Sometimes the Universe lines you up with something that doesn't resonate with your truth, so you have contrast to find out what does. Never give away your power.

Pile 1

4 of Swords, 4 of Cups, The Magician

Spirit is complimenting you on your restraint and how well you center yourself. You learned your lessons around excessive, fear-fueled activity, how it wears you down without any payoff, and you take those lessons to heart. Your body's need to rest has become your wise friend and guide to consider, instead of your mortal enemy to defeat. You thank your emotions for telling you where you strayed from your authentic path, you honor the little pains and stings along the way just as much as the pleasant surprises. It's like in an airplane, where in an emergency, the little lights left and right on the ground lead you to the nearest exit back to safety when you can't see otherwise. Your symptoms are your loyal companions you are listening to with patience and intent. You are not rushing yourself anymore to an unobtainable future, you are honoring what you already have and don't fall for FOMO.

What is truly yours won't want you to strain and hurt yourself. What is truly yours loves you and has no problem waiting for you.

This approach gives you authentic, reliable bouts of energy you can channel towards what is truly important to you. It's marvelous how little effort compared to the past now yields these beautiful results that seemed so far out of your reach. You feel empowered and have found a new sense of patience with yourself and the Universe at large. You recognize your own struggles in others, and know that their limits are not meant as a personal insult. They are on their own path to their true calling just as you are, and Spirit can see the compassion you have for them. Continue seeing the big picture and your part in it. Time is on your side. The Universe likes your new, slow, conscious approach, and is happy that you have found the wisdom in your limits; that they were your private teachers all along.

Pile 2

Strength, 2 of Wands, The World

You have found a whole new level of self love. Things that used to make you cringe are seen in a completely different light - you see your good intentions, and that most of the times, it is other people's opinions you internalized that you feel when expressing yourself. And even if you come to your own conclusion on how you want to change certain aspects - you don't use these discoveries as a stick to beat you with anymore. You have developed a profound capacity for self compassion. You see your desperate needs no one felt responsible for in the past, how hard you had to try because nothing was given freely where you come from. Okay, yeah, you exposed things you wouldn't expose in the same context today. But now you can thank yourself for it, because you see how it was the only option back then with what you had and knew. And it was good enough to eventually get you here.

You were desperate to find connection, friends, someone who cares for you. You offered all these things so they could pick and choose where to connect to you. You are a generous, love-oriented being, always have been. The judgements others places on your past and present behaviors come from a limited, competitive point of view you can no longer hold without feeling the unnecessary pain of it. It just feels disingenuous towards yourself. You know too much about where you come from and who you are because of it, what drives you, what you are looking for in life, to mindlessly punish yourself with these false accusations.

You send the shame back to where it came from, and are free to give yourself the love you crave and deserve.

You dared to look inwards, despite all the shame. You thought you would find a hideous monster, a waste of every resource ever coming their way - and found a being of light. Capable of so much goodness to give, the only sensible conclusion is to provide them with everything they need, and foster relationships with only likeminded supporters. I mean, it's a true miracle. In the past there was really no one around who took you as part of themselves, who considered your best interests just as important as theirs - and now look where you are! Who you are with! How peaceful and exciting, and liveable this life has become. Spirit couldn't be prouder. So much more is waiting for you. The hard part is definitely over.

Pile 3

10 of Cups, The Empress, 3 of Wands

Spirit compliments you on your willingness to receive. Gone are the days of guilt tripping yourself over morsels. Now you feast, daily. This routine allows you to live in a perpetual cycle of abundance. You feel good, because you go after what you know you deserve. And you go after what you deserve, because you know it makes you feel good. You no longer hold yourself up with questions whether to go after comfy OR practical - you know which way you can get both. And most important of all: You stopped making yourself smaller than you actually are supposed to be. All your needs and wants come from a sacred place, and you have seen it for yourself.

This brings great relief to your interpersonal relationships. Your clean conscience translates into generosity and letting miniscule hiccups slide with ease. Remember how tiny mistakes used to trip you up for days on end? Now you don't even need seconds to process them as the background noise they always wanted to be. You know what truly matters and don't let yourself get confused by smoke screens. People either mean it, or they can fuck right off. Those who mean it bask in your warmth, and those who don't just aren't getting invited to the party that is your life now. And boy, do you know how to host.

The people around you feel like on a constant vacation with you. Comfort and fun are sacred priorities, and everybody is important.

They can contribute their perspective in an environment of trust and good faith. Your spontaneity is met with keen support, and fate plays just the right song to elevate the atmosphere even further. Continue getting a full plate everyday, there will always be more where that came from. As long as you don't let your impostor syndrome get the better of you, I don't see an end to this joyride for quite some time.

Pile 4

The Fool, Queen of Wands, Seven of Cups, The Hanged Man

Spirit is complimenting you on your masterful ability to adapt. Like a surfer, you read the currents of life flowing in and around you with expertise and diligence. You know some days the ocean won't bring you anything exciting, and muddy waters might not be the best to dive through, but you got time and can wait. You know the mud holds important nutrients that need to find their way in their own time. Just like when your head is full of random thoughts you can't seem to channel into anything useful - you know how to embrace it, rather than fight against it and stir up the water even further.

Now you have the confidence to know when to do nothing at all. And suddenly, the mud settles back at the ground, and you are free to dive right in. The most subtle changes can't slip past your perception, and you know which waves you can use to your advantage, and which ones would just drag you down without any mercy. Your confidence in your skills lets you marvel at the forces from a safe distance rather than cower in paralyzing fear.

What used to feel like cruel randomness, now reveals itself as divine orchestration. And all you had to change was your perspective.

Even your darkest times of despair have finally told you their secret: They are the soil you are growing on. The fallen leaves of past hopes and dreams are the soil for what is real now. The destruction of the past turned out to be a vital step in the recipe. Like Rumi said, the wound is where the light enters you. Now, when you are faced with a so-called dark aspect of life, you are alread curious how and when the benefit of it will come into your reality. It doesn't erase the pain, but you don't even want that anymore. It tells a story that makes you glad to be alive, rather than feeling like a victim to your own birth. It makes you want to see how it will turn out, rahter than checking out prematurely. What a marvelous, marvelous development. Spirit is so glad you are still here.

[pinksobg]

late night conversation: characteristics and simple messages from your fs 🌌🌷

mostly for fun and for reflection: would you like a fs like that? would you like the things said? 💌🌼

let's go for the tea? 👀

__________

pile 1:

characteristics: oooh, good in my opinion!! you got: confident. knows how to take care of themselves in a good way. patient, knows to wait and respect opinions. they try their best, pile number 1.

professional field or passion: veterinarian, agriculturists, editor or design field. oh, took a little of a jump, right? 😅🌷 or maybe not? take what resonates to you please. :)

messages: they may like to talk, my pile mumber one. "yes, and?".

"I like what I see" huh 👀😅. "I like it". ok, they like something.

"Do you find me attractive?" oooh, I find it cute that one.

"Can't wait to see you again".

"I swam and the water was cold".

"Date". "Party".

"I'm sorry".

"I wonder how it is like to be loved by you".

"Bet you will be the one with the ring on the finger".

songs: 5 seconds of summer songs. cindy lou who. jão songs. eletric love.

__________

pile 2:

characteristics: resilient. optimistic, sees the good. prudential. loving person. maybe cool and collected as well. introvert vibes.

professional field or passion: waiter. teacher. mentor. psychologist. or maybe work in the care field.

messages: "you are attractive/hot, sorry"

"do you find me attractive?"

"I feel seen around you"

"You light me up"

"It's hard to breathe when you look at me"

Maybe your fs might been passed to a heartbreak not a long time ago.

songs: espresso. dandelions. that what's makes you beautiful by 1D.

__________

pile 3:

characteristics: calm. altruist. do certain things or most of them with ease. very calm energy.

professional field or passion: architect. nurse. journalist. maybe can have multiple interests or mostly likely to have more than one passion.

messages: maybe you don't know them yet my pile number 3. this is a good signal for you?

"Kiss me" wow, straightforward.

"Secret admirer" oh!

Oh. oh. oh. An advice! I wasn't expecting it. Maybe it's a call out. Maybe your standards are down right now. Or maybe you are giving much energy for something you shouldn't. Maybe you are waiting too much from emotional, romantic love to happen right now. And maybe it isn't the time yet. Oh! I wasn't expecting an advice. It is really from someone who loves you. Please, take what resonates. So, darling, it's okay, sometimes we mix something up. I remember a phrase from a kinda long time ago. It's something like: when something is missing, we try to overdo something to try to "fulfill". Darling, I understand. It's hard to heal something but it's time to recognize if something is wrong. Right? Like much social media, waiting too much on romantic love, feeling stuck on life...

My friend, when you are going through a, uhn, let's say - rollercoaster. There is some time that it is linear, right? To give impulse. Sometimes, so it's life. Maybe something is like stuck for you to try or focus on something else, something you love or it's good for you. Take care my friend. ❤💞💌

[catmask]

genuine question – and i hope it doesn't come as weird – but how do get into...pokemon? </3

pokemon universe feels so big and there are so many games and i really like their designs – both for pokemons and trainers – making ocs in this setting would be so cool but i have no idea how to. begin!

could you give some advice?

ps leaving compliments for your comic and art in general!! i really like how your pieces are so colorful! gives the vibes of some small but cozy and fun town in a videogame..

no worries!! it seriously depends on what you are interested in - gamewise, region wise, and story wise.

heres what i can say. if you like typical top-down style pixel art rpg games where you solve tile puzzles and build a little team of monsters, any of the games before x and y is a good choice. platinum is a great introduction to the series because it doesn't baby you but is still decently difficult, heartgold/soulsilver are the 'coziest' games imo but may spoil you because of how much content there is, black/white and black/white 2 are the most story-driven of the games and bw2 is probably the longest play of all the games. emerald is also great, but its genuinely a hard game even as someone whos been a fan of the series for years. i would say to start with hgss because they're my favorites, but they're so good it might raise the bar too high for all the other games pixel-art games.

if you prefer 3D graphics, but still like the 'run around catching guys and solving tile puzzles', i think sun and moon are the best of the 3D games! the story is engaging and a little more modernized so that there are actual cut scenes, i think the pokemon available are cute and the region is really pretty. i thikn after that, x and y is pretty cute! the story is less strong in comparison to sun/moon. importantly; every game in the 3D era has a new type that was not present in the pixel art era - the fairy type, so if you want to learn the MODERN type chart and balances, the 3D games are where you'd need to start.

finally, if you're not a fan of the 'catch pokemon run around region' type games, pokemon has a LOT of really awesome spin off games. my favorites are as follows...

pokemon mystery dungeon explorers of sky. its the strongest story the pokemon company has ever written, and im a big fan of the mystery dungeon style gameplay.

pokemon ranger (any ranger game!) the story and graphics are cute, and it focuses on rescuing/rehabilitating pokemon more than capturing them. really lovely expansion of the pokemon universe.

pokemon go, because its free! so if you dont want to download a rom, or sink money into a new franchise, its an easy way to get into it.

pokemon snap - this was actually my very first pokemon game i ever played! (never owned it though heha) but there was just a remake for the switch, if you've got a switch that is. the game focuses on photographing pokemon in their natural habitat, and its really quite cute. slow paced and fun if you're not sure about battling yet.

finally... if you weren't looking to get into games at all, pokemon art + fan creations are personally my favorite things in the entire fandom! artists and writers and fangame devs are the people who hold this fandom up, engaging with their creations is a great and typically free way to involve yourself... im sorry this is so long, i hope this helps!! and ppl are free to add on to this hehe

[lilacstro]

messages from someone(channeled messages pac)

hey, I wanted to post a pac for a while, so i did haha. It was hard to decide what topic should it be on, so i decided delivering messages from people who would want to come through, hoping it resonates

lmao all three piles were so different than one another, I enjoyed doing this tho. I hope you could resonate with this <3 leave suggestions and feedback in the comment or asks :) remember its a general reading and you dont have to take it if it doesnt feel right :) i love you :)

decks used: cupid says oracle, biddy tarot deck

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3

Pile 1

this doesnt seem to be a romantic pile specifically, feels like someone who you felt like family with, a sister, a female best friend or mother coming through, did they betray you in some way? doing something behind your back to pull you down, maybe criticizing something you wanted do or create. someone who could have cut you off or blown up on you for putting your side of feelings forward, some kind of argument could have occurred too. could be someone who thought you are doing to well, or, going after what you want, was too ambitious or man like? could be jealousy infact. Could be that they didnt intend to do so maybe? maybe it was heat of the moment? take what resonates. I see them wanting to come forward and apologize so much. Someone who is ready to rebuild what was gone, and take things forward with you, especially apologizing and creating a new emotional start, probably meaning wanting to leave everything that has happened in the past, It is in their heart to give you an apology, they might even have nightmares about it, they know they have to do it sooner or later and they have this realization. They want to take a quick-impulsive action too. They just know they have to do it. If its been a while, this person seems ready to come forward very soon.

channeled messages: I am confused this isnt a phase it still hurts i love you more take a leap its getting very dark and cloudy as i am reading this pile.

Pile 2

awww this feels like someone who has a crush on you. I was feeling very anxious while reading this pile trying to make meaning out of the cards even before they fell out or the spread was complete. So they might be overthinking everything(thats so cute) Also, as soon as i finished laying this deck down, the sun came back again lol.

This feels someone who you are either dating or wants to date you. Some possible scenarios I am getting are (since this is a general reading) being in an online/long distance connection or you might have not met this person yet, or atleast even if you know them they definitely seem at a little distance from you, even emotionally. Could also be cultural differences.

This person feels like someone who is walking away from something in their life. Going into the unknown, starting something new. Apart from this, they definitely want to start something with you, slowly even if its small, I see confidence issues here, feeling of not being good enough. This person wants to give you queen treatment pile 2 , but i feel they have this subconscious belief of wanting to be better, to be able to provide for you and give you what you deserve. Some of them might also be thinking what other people might think, they just dont want you to suffer with them in any way, they want the best for you before they can come forward to you. Financial stability is major here, maybe you or them have experiences or wounds around it. This person definitely is giving this a lot of time and serious thought

Channeled messages: I think about us a lot Make me believe(yeah man ig you need to because this person is very hard on themselves for even if they deserve you) I am yours the time is now

Pile 3

Ok so this feels like someone who has unfinished business with you, This screams to be a ex lover but could be a situationship/toxic old friend. Someone who is up at night thinking about how they couldnt give you what you deserved, not realising they slept on their chance to do that. I see it is someone you had a lot of love for, maybe you expected that the love was reciprocated but it rather caused you some kind of heartbreak. Some possible scenarios coming through are someone who probably left you without explanations, making you rely on other people for help or information, or someone who acted on what their friends or family told them to do instead or someone that caused you some kind of shame in front of people, making you some kind of "gossip topic" in the end. It could even be that you or them heard something from other people that could have caused trouble. Number 3 might be significant to someone, it was coming up a lot. Third party? 3 friends? 3 chances? March? could be, but its a general reading so take what you only believe could be confirmation

This ending could have been very fast and hurried and unexpected as well. It could be that this person chose you over thrill and enjoyment in their life, OR they were over committed to two things at once, both of which needed their time and passion. They were struggling to create a balance is what I see. This person has so much to say to you its insane, they think and reflect on this a lot. But I see this person isn't ready to take the fight as such, they have so much to say to you, so much apology for not being able to give this what it deserved, yet they are afraid of coming forward and saying what they have to, They keep on thinking and wishing, I wish I could, not realizing they are literally sleeping on their chance to do so. What a weird person lol

However what I see is this person making a choice, and a plan, to do something. I wonder how fast is that going to be because i see so much pain and doubt in this person, they don't really feel that you would take this. But I still see them contemplating and making some plan. Could be you have gone through similar some cycles with this person. You could have been hurt yet compassionate to this person it seems yet very uproar and mad and visibly upset about it (understandable tbh) In such readings I am adamant to say that they love you, because this absolutely isnt love imo, Its called guilt tripping and gaslighting but your situation might be diff. However if anyone loves you, they would not be so wishy washy and "oh I wish..." about it, They would just not want to lose you, even the second they knew or even had a realization. These kinds people irk me tbh. They do miss you a lot (more like seems the fun with you but whatever) though and do hope for a second chance. They somehow even find you even more attractive/addictive and dont seem to be over of what has went down yet.

Channeled messages: I want you you are incredible do you know that what do you want from me i can help it i feel so guilty lets go on an adventure have I been here before? feels like deja vu we need to talk

[sleepyjuice]

10 + 16 with jj please? (maybe smth like going back to the chateau the night john b and sarah “die” and consoling each other with a bit of badly timed tension? or any other ideas you have!)

I loved this so much!!!! what a bittersweet concept 😭

warnings: some angst (canon events for the most part from the show), liiilll bit of fluff, smut 18+!!!!!, unprotected p in v sex, creampie, jj being an absolute dream in this<3

No one ever prepares you for what you’re supposed to do after learning that two of your best friends were most likely dead and you would never see them again.

You somewhat prepare yourself in life for moments where you are inevitably going to lose people, but once the moment is over, then what?

As you and jj walked silently back to the chateau after what had turned into one of the worst days of your life, you wished more than ever that someone somewhere had written your entire life out for you so that you could ask them for all the answers. How to just go on with your life after something so traumatic.

Pope and Kiara had gone home with their parents which left just you and your boyfriend, jj. You were sure your parents were worried about you, surely they had heard what happened, but you hadn’t checked your phone in hours.

jj opened the door to the much too quiet chateau once you arrived, tears falling from both of you once again as you stepped into a place that held some of the best memories of your lives, now empty. It just felt wrong to be there without John b and Sarah.

Everywhere you looked was a different memory. The silly arguments on the couch, the beers you all shared in the kitchen, and of course, John b’s bedroom, bed unmade from the last time he slept there, clothes on his dresser that he would never get to wear.

“It doesn’t feel right here without them.” jj broke the silence, his voice low as he removed his hat, kicking an empty beer can that lay on the floor across the room.

You nodded in agreement, stepping over to jj and wrapping your arms around his middle, your head resting against his chest as you sighed.

“It really doesn’t.” You responded, one of your hands rubbing gently against his back.

“You staying here tonight?” You asked him after a moment, tilting your head to gaze up at your boyfriend, his arms holding you close to him.

jj nodded in response, resting his chin on the top of your head, exhaling slowly into your hair as he shut his eyes. He had never lost someone in this way, and he didn’t know how he was supposed to handle it. He was a spontaneous person by nature, but this was way too much of a curveball to even begin to figure out.

You stood there in each other’s arms for a few minutes, the only sounds being the soft rain outside and the clunky AC that surprisingly still worked humming softly.

jj was the first to break the silence.

“Can you stay?” He asked quietly, pulling away slowly from the shared embrace to look down at your sunken eyes.

You met his gaze instantly, bringing a hand up to run your fingers through the bottom of his hair, nodding your head in response.

“Of course I’ll stay. I don’t think either of us should be alone right now.” You spoke softly, exhaling shakily, feeling genuinely unsure if breathing would ever feel the same again after today’s events.

So you stayed. You and jj ended up showering together, both of you eventually getting uncomfortable in your wet clothes that were dampened from the storm.

You shared a joint, both for yourselves and in john b and Sarah’s honor. John b especially would smile at the fact that two of his best friends were lighting up in his home the night he died. Regardless of why you did it, it was something at least semi normal in your nightly routine.

You and jj didn’t talk too much, but there was never any awkward silence. Finding conversation at a time like this was yet another challenge you would face.

So you called it a night at around 3 am, kissing goodnight after crawling into jj’s bed. Maybe by some miracle you would wake up to find that it was all just a super realistic nightmare. An epic prank by your subconscious.

You lay with your back facing jj, one of his arms wrapped loosely around your waist, the room just dimly lit by the moonlight that shined through the window. You focused on jj’s soft breathing, assuming that he had fallen asleep, hoping and praying that sleep would also find you soon.

That was too much to ask for, as your mind could not stop replaying the earlier events over and over, making it impossible to get some rest. You shut your eyes anyways, hoping at some point you would become too physically exhausted and your body’s need for sleep would win this battle.

You were close to giving up and allowing yourself a sleepless night, when you suddenly felt jj’s hand move softly down your waist, rubbing down to your thigh.

“You awake?” He murmured quietly, almost positive you were still awake based on your unsteady breathing, but on the off chance you were asleep, he didn’t want to disturb you.

You turned your head at the sound of his voice, meeting his tired eyes. Although he also looked like he hadn’t slept yet.

“Yeah, can’t sleep,” you sighed, pushing your body back slightly into his touch, “my mind is goin’ a mile a minute right now. Can’t think of anything else.” You admitted, watching as he nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, same.” He hummed, planting a few soft kisses on your shoulder blades before resting his head there.

“Maybe we could try and distract ourselves…” jj whispered against your soft skin, kissing it again as he awaited your response, his body now fully pressed against yours.

“What do you mean?” You questioned quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. You had an idea what he meant, and you pressed your ass back ever so gently to meet his crotch, testing the waters.

He let out a soft sigh at the feeling, tilting his head up to kiss your neck, his hand focusing on rubbing your thigh, slowly but surely inching its way towards your inner thigh.

“Just— feel something other than this pain, y’know?” He confirmed your suspicions as he began to grind his boxer clad dick against your ass, his kisses becoming a bit more lustful and his fingers now grazing against the waistband of your underwear.

“Yeah..” you breathed, nodding your head as you tilted your neck, granting jj easier and better access to kiss and nip at your sensitive skin there.

You felt him nod against you, his half hard dick now fully hard against your ass as he continued to grind against it.

He groaned softly before tugging gently at your underwear, his unspoken command leading you to pull them down off your legs, leaving you completely naked besides the shirt you were wearing. You felt jj rid himself of his boxers after you, leaving him fully naked now as they were all he had gone to bed in to begin with.

You moaned quietly once you felt him freely, your body reacting quickly to his sensual touch, arousal pooling between your legs as you pushed your ass against his fully hard cock.

“Let’s just forget for right now, yeah?” jj hummed, using his free hand to guide his cock between your wet folds, gathering your arousal to coat himself, pumping himself softly as he used both your wetness and his precum to lubricate himself.

“Mhm, let’s forget.” You spoke, barely a whisper. You hadn’t moved much from your original position. Your back was still facing jj, only now you had positioned your ass upwards just a bit so that you could align yourself to give jj access to you.

He didn’t respond verbally, pumping himself a few more times before aligning his cock with your wet entrance, slowly pushing himself inside of you.

You both let out a long, still quiet, moan at the feeling, your walls hugging his cock immediately as he began to move slowly inside of you.

The two of you had slow and soft sex plenty of times, typically after a long night when you were both super tired but still in need of a release, or early morning when you were sleepy but still needing one another. But this was a different type of need.

“So good, baby, feels so good.” jj cooed, his face pressed against your neck, eyes shut and brows furrowed in concentration, both of your minds forced to focus on the physical feeling of pleasure you allowed yourselves to feel.

You whimpered into the pillow, arching your back slightly so he could reach even deeper inside of you, reaching one of your arms behind you to caress the back of jj’s head, your fingers kneading into his messy hair.

The only sounds heard in the dark bedroom were your soft grunts and moans mixed with the sound of jj’s balls slapping against your ass. Not nearly as loud as this particular bedroom usually was during times like these, but that wasn’t what you needed right now.

jj reached one of his hands over the curve of your ass to find your clit, rubbing circles against it as he continued to thrust himself inside of you. He already felt pretty close, with his emotions being completely heightened, and he wanted to make sure you were able to finish too.

You squeezed your eyes shut as he worked at your clit, all the while his cock was hitting the perfect spots inside of you, your pussy beginning to clench around him as you whimpered, your breathing growing more ragged.

“I’m close, jay, fuck. Gonna come.” You gasped, feeling your muscles begin to contract as your body was hit with euphoria, a feeling that would be far from your grasp for a long time. After tonight you had to grieve, so you relished in this small moment of pleasure you were able to feel.

“Fuck, good baby— yeah, so good. I’m close, fuck, I’m close too, sweets.” jj grunted, your orgasm had your pussy clenching and hugging his cock even tighter, your release soaking him which triggered him to follow.

“Fuuuck, oh god,” he stammered, thrusts sloppy as he felt himself release into you, groaning loudly into your skin as he filled you with thick spurts, “yeah, yeah, perfect, baby.”

You moaned as he filled you up, your pussy fluttering at the feeling of fullness, his release feeling perfect as you came down from your own.

“So good, jj.” You said shakily as he pulled out of you, feeling him kiss the back of your neck before using his thumb to turn your head to face him.

“Thank you, baby, thank you.”

[orangekittyenergy]

gale being woken up for sex. that’s the prompt. (based on the post about his reaction to the vampire attack in act 3)

Oooooookaayy 😏❤️ I'll be honest and say I don't recall the post about the vampire attack but I just grabbed this idea (like I'd grab Gales cock) and just went with it.

NSFW

Gale x GNreader – 1700 words

Tav wakes Gale up with a blow job (established relationship but still on the road - vague for what section but definitely after the love confession)

It was late by the time you and the team were trudging back to camp. You noticed the fire was already burning low, a hot pit of embers and small flickers of flame still warming the cook pot next to it.

You glanced around; no one was awake. Of course not. You turned around, but the others had immediately headed off to their tents to change and fall into their own beds. Another hard fought battle. Another weary day ahead. You couldn’t blame them.

You stepped toward the fire to peek inside the cauldron. A simple meat stew, likely one of Gale’s concoctions. Glancing over to his tent you wondered if he might still be up, reading a book by the light of a spell like he usually was.

He was much chagrined to be left behind at camp this time. Especially since formally being romantically partnered now. But you had insisted. He had taken a nasty blow from a spell the day before and there was only so much healing that spells and potions could do. Despite his lengthy points, which he listed out on each one of his fingers, as to why he should join you in the next foray, you simply crossed your arms and stared him down, forcing him by sheer will to see your point. Which was simply, no.

You stepped closer to his tent, listening for the telltale sign of rustling pages or even a hint of a glow behind the canvas flaps. Nothing. He knew this would be a long day and told you to wake him when you returned, but still you hesitated. He was already a night-owl and if even he was in bed at this hour it must truly be later than you thought.

With a sigh, you turned on your heel and headed to your own tent, stepping within and quickly shedding your armor until only your tunic and leather pants remained. You looked down to your own bedroll. Sleep would be best. It would be so nice and easy to fall into slumber. It would also be wise, considering the arduous journey that lay ahead. But before those thoughts of sleep could truly take hold, you felt a coil in your stomach.

Your adrenaline was still up from the days events. Sleep wasn’t yet ready to steal you away as something deeper took hold. What was that Gale said one time about a brush with danger? How it left one seeking other forms of stimulation? A smile at his brash, unexpected (at the time) flirting grew across your face as the coil bloomed into a full blown heat, sinking deep and low into your gut.

Without even fully knowing your own intent you abandoned your tent and headed back for his, heart already racing. You paused briefly at the flap before slipping in quietly, being careful not to let too much light in.

Your eyes adjusted quickly, the sliver of light from outside allowing just enough illumination to see Gale dozing on his back, one arm draped off to the side as if reaching for something.

You knelt down beside him and gently eased your body next to his, leaning on his outstretched arm, and placed a soft careful kiss on his cheek, which was flush from sleep.

“Hmm….mylove….” He murmured sleepily and lolled his head slightly towards you.

Your heart thudded as you watched his chest rise and fall, his mouth slightly parted as sleep stole him back from you. This sweet, handsome, ambitious wizard. How far you had come together. What perils you still had to face together.

An ache in your chest you weren’t accustomed to made you suck a quiet breath in as you gazed down at him. Gods, how much you loved him. You didn’t think it was possible to love this way. This deep. So deep it was almost painful.

The ache slowly eased as you watched him, taking comfort in the fact that he was safe, here, now, with you, beneath your adoring gaze. In place of the ache, the deep hot burning in your core returned. You wanted to show him. You needed him to know how much you loved him. Your hand raised, ready to shake his shoulder and wake him, but that same heat from deep inside you made you pause.

You recalled his words from earlier that day.

“Wake me up when you get back, please? However you must.” He had said with that signature almost mischievous grin of his.

An idea took hold and you carefully raised yourself up instead and eased your body back away from him. His arm seemed to twitch in response, as if in search of the missing heat it had been given.

Biting away a smile you knelt down beside his hips instead, adjusting yourself slightly so you were almost laying perpendicular to him. In fact, if anyone else was up right now, they would see your feet peeking out the edge of his tent.

Ever so gently you traced your hand down the smooth velvet fabric that covered his chest, pausing to feel his deep steady breathing beneath your palm. As you reached the edge of his shirt you gently pulled it up and gave him a small kiss just above his navel. You actually half expected him to wake up at that and raised your head expecting to meet his soft loving eyes. But he continued to doze, breath steady and low.

Okay, lets see how far this will go, you mused. You planted a few more kisses. Each with a little more tongue, a little suck of flesh, until you reached the edge of his pants.

You lifted your head again, but his eyes remained blissfully shut.

Deftly and carefully undoing the laces on his pants you eased the front of them down a touch and reached in to give a few tender touches of his soft cock over his underwear. It twitched slightly, seemingly on its own at the contact, but Gale still seemed otherwise undisturbed. You stroked harder, easing your fingers as far as they could grip around the thin fabric and moving your hand up and down slightly.

Gale groaned softly and rolled his head to the side, a smile flickering on the edge of his lips before sleep seemed to take him away again and he stilled once more. I hope you are having a wonderful dream, my love, you thought and gently eased his cock, now almost half hard, out of his underwear.

Fully able to wrap your warm palm around him now you felt a shiver of excitement run through you as you eased your hand up and down, savoring the feeling of his hot silky skin. Your fist met stem and even as you raised your hand back up you could almost feel him getting harder beneath your palm.

“Mmmmmm….” A soft moan escaped his lips this time, still halfway between dream and reality. His chest started to heave, breathing becoming faster as the sensations pulled him from his slumber as you continued to lovingly stroke his length.

You grinned and squeezed a little harder, giving another long slow stroke and his hands clutched at the blanket below him. He was fully hard now, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his hips even starting to writhe beneath your arms. Truly, it seemed his entire body had woken up but his eyes remained shut.

You let your hand lower once more, and holding him steady you leaned forward, wrapping your parted lips around his tip and dancing your tongue across it.

He let out a louder groan this time, and his hands reached to grasp at his shirt now.

“Shhhh…” You released your mouth for a moment to hiss at him.

“Gods, Tav...don’t stop.” He whispered, his voice still groggy and hoarse from sleep.

You smiled and leaned your head back down, sucking him in again, carefully swirling your tongue around his already dribbling tip before easing your head down further. His hands descended to tangle themselves in your hair; not even to guide your head, but just to touch part of you.

Raising your head up and down more swiftly you added your hand in, twisting it gently at his base as spit dribbled out the sides of your mouth and across your waiting moving fingers.

Gale was panting now, his chest heaving, hard, hot, quick breaths where moments before they were soft and sleepy. He opened his mouth as if to speak or maybe moan again, but caught himself and you heard him snap it shut and let out a groan through his clenched teeth.

His hips bucked up slightly, matching the rhythm of your hand and mouth and before long you felt him twitch against you, shudders wracking his body. You reached your free hand up, grabbing at his chest and he reached to twine his fingers with yours. You squeezed his hand tightly, pushing your mouth down as far as it could go, wriggling your tongue along his length, trying to encourage him to give in.

He gave a last shuddering breath and released, hot spurts of his seed shooting into your mouth and down your awaiting throat. His hand gripped yours so hard it almost hurt as you swallowed every single drop of him. As his shuddering subsided and his breath started to return to normal you took a moment to lick him clean and gently tuck him back away before crawling back up to lay in his awaiting arm once more.

“You continue to amaze and astound me in every way possible.” He said sucking in another deep breath and releasing it slowly. You leaned forward to nuzzle into his neck and give him another few kisses.

“You told me to wake you up.” You mumble, feigning innocence. He pulls back a touch, meeting your eyes with a twinkle in his own before smothering you with a flurry of kisses, pulling you even closer. You push your body flush with his, finally letting sleep start to take hold, happy that he is happy, but wondering if he might be thinking of waking you up the same way.

[allastoredeer]

Me : well maybe it's not that bad?

Me : looking for radioapple art and immediately get hit with big buff Alastor and tiny shorter than in canon Lucifer, Lucifer in a dress getting fucked by Alastor, Lucifer in a dress getting fucked by big buff Alastor, Lucifer who look like 5 yo and 'suave sugar daddy' Alastor who holds him and each with thousands of likes and absolutely zero of anything else than that

Me : nope 🙃😔

Save me Vox/Al artists, save me

Man, I love Vox/Alastor art so much.

I just love the Vox/Alastor ship as a whole, be it one-sided, mutual, or anything in between, and a lot of it stems from Alastor still feeling like he's Alastor.

I mean, I think people make Alastor a little more cruel and heartless towards Vox sometimes, but overall he still feels like himself. He gets to be dangerous and manipulative and he gets to be silly and whimsical. It's perfect.

Adding a cut right here because this post got WAY longer than I anticipated ⬇️

I think with RadioApple, when it comes to Alastor, people lean too much into this:

And not enough into this:

It feels like his fun, sassy, and whimsical side gets stripped away and he's turned into a stereotypically tall, dark and menacing love interest.

Where's his flamboyancy? His razzamatazz! As Susan would say, "Where's the showmanship? Where's the pizzaz? Fucking mediocre."

If I'm reading a fic or looking at art and I can't imagine their Alastor doing one of his girly-pop wrist flicks -

- then I can't keep going. His girly-pop vibes are too important to me.

Of course, when it comes to tone in both fics and art, sometimes fun and whimsical aren't what the artist is going for. But even outside of NSFW art and stories, so often Alastor just feels...bland. He feels too stiff. Too much like a suave, old fashioned, smooth talking gentleman, and not enough like a fun, silly, and sassy little freak who loves trolling people.

And with Lucifer if feels like they lean too much into this:

And not enough of this:

I feel like any, if not all, of Lucifer's flaws are brushed aside so often and so easily.

He feels softened and watered down. Like he's either a sad & awkward UwU boi all the time, or he's the most flamboyant, seductive little minx there is. And to be fair, he is both a very sad boi and a seductive little minx.

But rarely does he ever come across as powerful to me. A lot of the time he feels too normal. Or too sad and naive. Literally, like he could be any other sinner if I didn't already know he was the kind of Hell. And that's so funny to me because we've seen him openly and extravagantly display his powers multiple times in the show--not to the extent that he did in the finale--but he was definitely flaunting all the things he could do, make, or summon for Charlie during his musical-battle with Alastor. He was 100% showing off how powerful he is.

Not only that, but, honestly, Lucifer feels too open and sincere because that man is judgmental as fuck.

Going back to the "Dad Beat Dad" episode, there are multiple examples of him being a self-righteous little shit: 1) he was incredibly critical of Charlie's hotel the moment he stepped inside, even if he tried, and failed, to cover it, 2) he didn't even try to hide his disgust for Alastor's bar, which he didn't even know was incorporated by Alastor (who he hadn't even met him yet) and could've been incorporated by Charlie or Vaggie, for all he knew, 3) he wasn't taking Charlie's hotel or her plan for redemption seriously from the start, he didn't even have his mind open to the possibility, he wasn't there to hear about her plans he was only there to see her, and 3) when the hotel was attacked by the loan sharks, instead of making them go away or preventing the hotel from being damaged - which he could have very easily done with no amount of effort - he hung back and smugly reiterated that he was right and sinners can't be redeemed and Charlie should just give up on her goals/dreams because it's just not possible so there's no point in trying.

Like, Charlie was very clearly in distress over her hotel being attacked and destroyed, but he was too busy boasting about how he'd been "proven" right to see that.

He's very easy to anger and his ego is so easily bruised. Alastor got under his skin immediately and effortlessly - though I also believe that's on part that Lucifer doesn't have a high opinions of sinners anyway - and Lucifer 100% escalated the conversation/argument he had with Alastor during their first meeting.

See the whole scene of him referring to Alastor as a "has-been" and insulting the name he'd given the hotel, especially when you take into consideration that until Alastor said that he named the hotel, Lucifer thought it was Charlie who came up with it.

And I'm not going to say that Alastor was an innocent, picked on little baby in that scene, he was 100% riling up Lucifer from the start, but also, like...Alastor's lines weren't outright antagonist like Lucifer's were. They were more subtle, slightly needling and passive aggressive, but nothing that could really be taken as a insult.

This is literally the dialogue, word for word, of their very first interaction:

Lucifer: What in the unholy Hell is that?!

Alastor: Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit if color, don't you think?

Lucifer: And you are?

Alastor: Alastor, pleasure to be meeting you, Sir, quite a pleasure. It's nice to finally put a face to the name. You are much shorter in real life.

Lucifer: Who is this? Who is this now - are you the bellhop?

Alastor: Ah-ha, no! I am the host of the hotel. You might've heard of me from my radio broadcast.

Lucifer: Hmm, nope! I guess that's why Charlie called it the "has-been" hotel, hahaha!"

Alastor: Ha ha ha, it was actually my idea.

Lucifer: Ha ha, well it's not very clever.

Alastor: Ha ha, fuck you.

Like. That's their first interaction. And if you go back and actually pay attention to facial expressions and body languages, this was the first time he's seen Alastor, and Lucifer was immediately disdainful.

I went back and screenshotted Lucifer's face, right after Alastor's first line (which was a relatively innocent in and of itself and didn't even sound that antagonist), and:

That's a lot of disesteem for someone he literally just met. At most, you could argue that it was Alastor's smirk or tone that set him off ⬇️:

But even that is such a small thing to get upset over.

I'd say the only time Alastor really started getting openly hostile towards Lucifer was when he wiped his hand after shaking Lucifer's cane (which Lucifer didn't even see as he was too busy fixing his hat) and commenting on Lucifer's height (as a shortie myself, can confirm, that'll get on the nerves very fast).

My point is, Lucifer was immediately unfriendly towards Alastor and escalated the situation just as quickly, if not quicker, than Alastor did. Alastor implied that Lucifer might know of his radio broadcast, and Lucifer jumped right to calling him a "has-been." He doesn't even know him. This is their very first meeting. He was judgy and dismissive of Alastor at first sight, and, let's be honest, he kind of threw the first punch with that "has-been" line. Alastor said Lucifer was shorter than expected, but it's not like he laughed, pointed at him and called him a undercooked little chicken nugget. I'm sure a lot of demons/sinners who've never seen Lucifer would also assume he would be taller and more menacing at first glance, and I doubt this is the first time someone was surprised with his height (still not cool, Alastor. We vertically challenged folk have feelings too).

But Lucifer was prejudice from the start and antagonized Alastor just as quickly, and way more openly, than Alastor did to him. And don't get me wrong, this isn't me saying that's a bad thing on Lucifer's part! This isn't me criticizing or scorning him for it. I think it speaks so much of him as a character!

Cause we've seen the soft and tender moments he has with Charlie. We know how much he loves and cares for her. But he's also egotistical, antagonistic, and judgmental as hell, and that's what makes him such a fun character to write about. He's awkward yet showy, smug yet caring, depressed yet prideful. And by god, this man will show off his power without hesitation. He knows he's hot shit. He knows he's the strongest person in all of Hell. He knows he's the top dog and he can do whatever he wants - even if he has no love or interest in interacting within the Pride Ring (as far as we've been shown).

He's got a lot of multi-facets to him and I adore it, and that's why I get so annoyed when all of that is stripped away and he's turned into this soft little sunshine UwU boi who's just a sad, sweet lil lamb who's done no wrong.

No! He has done many wrongs! There's a reason he and Charlie were estranged and I don't think it was Lilith's fault - or, at least, I don't think it was all her fault (I have many thoughts about Lucifer and Lilith's divorce, okay)

I didn't mean for this to turn into a full-blown character analysist post LOL but alas I tend to get carried away. This was all to say, I really enjoy RadioStatic because Alastor typically gets to keep his sadistic and whimsical side, and I appreciate that. His silliness means a lot a to me, and if he comes off as too stiff or formal, it takes me out of a story.

Lucifer's flaws and sheer power also mean a lot to me, and I wish there were more fics and fan-art that showed that. If Lucifer reads too much like a normal, every-day person, I lose interest. I like the idea of people getting used to him, and getting comfortable around his presence, only to get a sudden and overwhelming reminder that he is, in fact, an ancient and immortal being with immense power that their brains wouldn't even be able to comprehend.

I have so many headcanons about Lucifer as a fallen angel and how his habits and lifestyle developed over the thousands upon thousands of years he's been in Hell. Habits he's adopted that unconsciously help him duplicate the mannerisms and behavior of sinners and demons, but also those small, indistinct tells that are quick and subtle reminder that he could destroy everyone in Pentagram City with ease if he decided to; and also, those times if you were to look closely and really pay attention, you get the faint, unsettling feeling that there is something very un-human about him. A subtle, unnerving shiver down your spine as your instincts yell at you that this person is not a person at all, he's just passing off as one.

That shit gets me. Give me ancient, eldritch Lucifer and I'll love you forever.

I am sorry Anon, I did not mean for this response to get so big 😅 You gave me a paragraph and I gave you a novel. But yeah, save me RadioStatic artists, save me 🙏 I rarely have to worry about Alastor turning into a big, buff alpha man or a soft little UwU when he's with Vox, and I appreciate that.

Edit: Adding a screenshot of my tags here because apparently I wrote down too many and it cut off the character tags.

[laguezze]

PAC: A letter you're meant to receive

I'm baaaaack~ (kinda) (pretty casually, life's been tough)

As always here are the rules:

Minors DNI

Don't take everything to heart, this is a general reading! Take what resonates!

It's honest, I don't sugarcoat. If you're not liking what you read, keep scrolling! It may not be for you or you may not be ready for that message yet!

Let's take a look at the piles!!!

Pile 1

Pile 2

Pile 3

Let's go!

Pile 1

Signs this may be for you: unicorn, South Korea , the letter S, Squirrels, Love, Skydiving, birthday, anniversary, 12, 6, 16, 2006, 2001, 2026, 1970s, Billie Eilish, John Lennon, glasses.

Dear ____,

How could you think I'm not proud of you? How could you think that minor thing you did would erase all the love I feel for you? It doesn't. I don't think anything can at this point. You're human, you're allowed to make mistakes. And while I do still think you need help, you're still doing your best, even though you don't feel like it. You're trying and I see that. You're wonderful and magical and although your light is dimmed at the moment, I know there's a bright sun under that blanket of darkness you're currently holding over your head. Everything will be ok. Have you ever not gotten a resolution to your conflict? Trust me. You're going to be fine. Let yourself be, enjoy the people around you, breathe. Treat your life like you treat your dreams. Be as excited as you can. You're alive! And while you are not responsible for this darkness that has been placed upon you, you are the only one that can take it off. I understand it's difficult, but you can do it. You're tired of fighting, but you're not just anyone. You're a legend. Legends don't have it easy. Go get them.

Pile 2

Signs this may be for you: Harry Styles, Fashion school, blood drives, nurse, 😜, smoke, laughter, blonde, blue eyes, "that boy is mine", 0%, Rihanna, water, rain, Hawaii, Jumping, Rave, Cindy, the letter C, N, and A. Numbers 5, 8, and 30, AMANDA.

Hello, it's been a while.

How are you?

This is awkward, you probably didn't expect to hear from me. I have been okay, I honestly can't stop thinking about us and how it ended. It pains me to think that you left with the impression that I didn't care. I do. I did. I just want to let you know that in another life, maybe we should try again. I don't have much to say, I'm not sure why I feel so compelled to tell you this. It's so basic. I'm being channeled right now (ok aware) and it's weird because it shouldn't be this deep but I really wanted to come through and say sorry. And say that I know you miss me and I do too. And one day we will reunite and we might be able to show our love then. Sorry it ended that way. Sorry that was the last you knew of me. I think of you each day, I dream of you each night.

Pile 3

Signs this may be for you: YES GIRL, happy, cheerful, spaghetti, squash, "I'm allergic", ibuprofen, love is in the air, matchmaker, fruits, VSCO, musically, Harmony, dating apps, Jenna, Lisa, "I stan", Twitter account, laughs, pigs, 25, 23, 2022, 2001, 2000, Beyonce.

Wow, am I impressed with you,

Not only are you grown and beautiful, you're also such a good person. I'm immensely proud of you. You're doing exactly what you need to, you're living life to the fullest and I am here for it. Remember our trips to the beach? I miss you. You should call more often. I love that you're meeting new people and having fun but sometimes I need to see you and hear from you. Please call me from time to time. I know I may seem clingy, but I just miss your presence. I also don't know when I'll actually see you next, you've become so unexpected and exciting. I love you, that's why I need to hear from you. Tell me everything, I'll listen. I'm here for you and I want what's best. Come back from time to time. Please. That's the only thing I ask of you at this time. I can't say this to you normally, you'd get uncomfortable. But please listen and take this opportunity. Let's talk more often! I wanna be part of your life again! 🥰

Hope it resonates! 💕

[umnitsa]

Dirty old man

Summary: Joel is on his seventies, but he still has needs.

A/N: Ok, so. One pic made the rounds in one of the discord servers I frequent and it made me wild, I won't lie (it was a pic/meme with aged Pedro Pascal). Highly inspired by @toxicanonymity's GILF!Joel (mine is a bit of a perv, but this isn't really a dark fic). It was also inspired by @atticrissfinch's MMITB (I wish I had a fraction of her talent for dirty talk, but I'm not even a native speaker of English, so I do what I can). Now you go read them both, I ASSURE YOU it'll be a good time. Huge thanks for all the people that cheered me on with this: Toxi, @romanarose, @beefrobeefcal, @gwendibleywrites, I love you all. (I must admit that I don't know if I'll ever continue this, honestly, although part of me wants to get to the sex scene. xD)

Pairing: No outbreak old man!Joel x Reader

CW: Joel being bold, dirty talk. That's it <3

No beta, we die like lonely writers xD

It wasn’t a bad job.

Sarah wanted to hire you to take care of her father, Joel. He wasn’t that old, but years of hard work in construction gave him some mobility issues. Sarah worried he spent too time alone, and that he could fall, get hurt and trapped without help because of his pride (which seemed to be a real possibility, considering Joel didn’t want to lose his independence in any way).

You were supposed to get the night shift, which was nice. The night shift was calm, except when it wasn’t. Sarah assured you she talked to her father, she wanted to introduce you to him, before you started working.

You prepared for war, if the man was as stubborn and grumpy as his daughter described.

Sarah introduced you and the old man looked at you over his glasses.

“You sure this pretty thing can lift me off the floor?” He asked, a crooked smirk stretching his lips. You considered answering him, but he raised his face defiantly and winked.

He was teasing his daughter.

You chuckled, to Joel’s delight. Sarah hired you on the spot.

***

Joel was grumpy most of the time. You could understand. Getting older was specially hard on some people. Losing their independence seemed to be a horrifying blow.

You admired the family pictures displayed on the walls and the bookshelves. They showed a younger Joel, large and proud, wearing tight tshirts that showed his big arms.

He didn’t change much, to be honest. His hair now was completely silver, as his beard. The wrinkles didn’t spoil his roguish smile. He was on his seventies, but looked younger, somehow. You blamed his brown eyes.

***

“You know what I miss most about my youth?” He said softly one day, entering the living room. You were looking at his pictures. He slowly moved by your side and placed a hand over your back, rubbing gentle circles. “All the pussy.”

You turned to him, astonished at his boldness. He smirked, then shrugged. You felt your face getting warm and a different, slick, syrupy warmth pooling on your lower belly. He licked his lips and sighed.

“It was easy to get pussy with those looks.” He pointed at one picture of himself and smiled proudly. “Didn’t fuck as much as I wanted, or as much as I could. Tried to be a good dad. Don’t regret anything, but... Oh boy, I miss it.” He looked you up and down, his smile turning appreciative.

“Thought old pervs like you liked tiny thin teenagers.” You scoffed.

“Only dumbasses want those.” Joel chuckled, his hand sliding lower on your back. “I like them older. Like you. With those eyes, like you know and did everything under the sun.” Joel hums, closing his eyes. “Get them cockdumb and they cry so sweetly… Mmmm, the surprise in their wide eyes...” He licks his lips, watching your reaction. You laugh, trying to hide your own arousal.

“Well, Joel, I think the preference is because they are supposed to be tight.” You said firmly, standing your ground. You refused to look shocked, and you saw no reason to scold him, at least not yet. Maybe it was your pussy talking.

Joel leaned over you slowly; you stayed very still. His warm breath tickled your ear.

“After a certain size, honey, everything feels tight.” He said softly, grabbing his half hard cock through his pants. You looked down and gasped, noticing the girth of his bulge inside his huge hand. Joel stepped back, smiling proudly, and moved into the house, dragging his feet. “Lemme know if you want a ride, sweetheart. Them blue pills are easy to get.” He turned and winked at you.

[janeyseymour]

Won't You Be... My Neighbor?- pt 7

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6.

Summary: Melissa is reunited with her little boy. Final part.

WC: ~1.6k

The entire car ride to Lancaster is a painful one for the redhead in the passenger seat. She spends most of it clutching the pillow and complaining about the seatbelt hurting. You don’t have a death wish, so you stay quiet about how she shouldn’t be on this trip in the first place.

Once you’re pulled into the hospital where Melissa’s son is, you can’t stop her from all but tumbling out of the car. She’s on a warpath to get to her son, and anybody who even tries to get in her way is definitely in for it. So, you let her hurry in. You’ll just ensure that a doctor here can look over her own injuries once she’s been reunited with JJ.

“Schemmenti,” the redhead wheezes out once she’s finally made it to the front desk. “Here for- here for my son. Joseph Junior- JJ. Please. Please tell me he’s-”

“Room 123,” the receptionist at the front desk couldn’t look less bored. You suppose she’s probably numb to all of the people who come running in shouting a name at her. Although, you would think that a woman stumbling in the way that your… your neighbor, you remind yourself- you aren’t anything just yet- would get someone’s attention.

You have to pull yourself from your thoughts because the teacher is pulling you along quickly in order to get to her son. You can’t blame her. If you were in her position, you would be doing the exact same thing.

The room is right in front of you, and yet you can’t quite find it in you to go in. You’re terrified of the state that JJ might be in. Melissa goes in first, and when you hear the little boy squeal happily, you know it’s safe to go in.

The mother has already perched herself on the bed and has her little boy in her arms despite the amount of pain she has to be in at the moment. It doesn’t matter- she has her son back. That sweet little boy, who now has him arm in a sling.

You watch the two of them, a soft hazy feeling warming your soul. Melissa is kissing all over his face, JJ is happily giggling now that the two of them are together again. But then the little boy’s green eyes that look so much like his mother’s land on you.

“Y/N!” the little boy that you’ve missed so much grins in your direction. He makes what you can only describe as ‘grabby hands’ for you. “You came!”

“Of course I came, bud,” you limp your way over and press a kiss to his head. “Of course I came.”

“Momma telled me you were with her, but I didn’t think you really were!” he exclaims.

“Of course I came to see you,” you tell him again. He all but launches himself at you. You catch him with ease.

“I didn’t want to go with Daddy,” JJ whispers into the crook of your neck. “I wanted to stay with you and Momma.”

“I know,” you mumble into his hair. “I know, bud. But we’re here now, and your daddy isn’t going to get to take you again.”

“Jerry and Bev finded me,” the little boy tells you. “They were nice, and they telled me that we would come here and see you guys again.”

Only then do you glance over at the older couple sitting in the seats next to the bed. Melissa too, looks over to them. Her eyes immediately fill with tears. 

“Thank you,” you smile at them genuinely and thank them for all three of you. “Thank you so much.”

“Of course,” Beverly returns the smile. “He’s a sweet little thing, and we were just doing what any good samaritans would do.”

You give them a sad smile next. “I suppose the two of you wouldn’t be willing to testify, would you?”

“If it means getting justice for the little man?” Jerry cuts in. “Of course we would.”

JJ starts to yawn against you, and you pass him off to Melissa gently.

She kisses the top of his head as she holds him as close as her injuries will allow her to. “Get some sleep, sweet boy.”

It takes hours for you to get JJ released, and in that time, there are quite a few doctors that make their way in and out of the room. Police officers also come in and question all of you. And thankfully, you’re able to get the medical staff to look over a somewhat reluctant Melissa. In that time, you’re able to speak with the older couple about how everything will pan out and how they can help. You’re thrilled to hear that they’re willing to travel down to Philadelphia in order to help put Joe behind bars for good. 

Finally… finally, you’re able to get the two Schemmentis back into the car and are heading for home. JJ is sound asleep in the back, Melissa is clutching her pillow to her chest with one hand and has the other lazily wrapped around your own as you drive back into the city.

“I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest,” the redhead sighs softly as you get onto the turnpike towards Philadelphia.

“I know,” you sigh softly as you run your thumb over her knuckles soothingly. “And I will be fighting with every fiber of my being to make sure that he is put away for a long time. I promise.” In a rather daring move, you bring her hand up to your lips and kiss it gently.

“I know you will,” the redhead smiles at you softly. Then she starts to suppress a cough.

You give her a look. “Don’t hold it in,” you tell her. “The doctor said that you should let it out.”

“I just don’t want to wake JJ,” Melissa says softly as she continues to fight the urge to cough.

You turn back in your seat to begin merging, and you’re able to steal a quick glance at the little four year old in the backseat. He’s out cold, clutching the stuffed animal that Beverly and Jerry gifted him to help him feel more safe.

“He’s dead asleep, Mel,” you tell her. “Cough, and hold the pillow to absorb the blow.”

She cranes her neck as best she can, and finally sighs before allowing herself to cough harshly. You let go of her hand in order to rub her back soothingly. You absolutely hate seeing her in as much pain as she’s in. You wish that you could switch places with her- you would do it in a heartbeat if it meant that she was safe and healthy.

Exhausted, she falls back into the seat with a shaky sigh and a mumbled out curse in Italian. You just reach for her hand again and thumb her knuckles softly, hoping to give her any sense of peace and warmth that you can.

By the time you get back to the apartment complex, it’s almost dark. The teacher is asleep in the seat next to you, and JJ is still clutching onto the stuffed animal with his head hanging down as he naps. With a sigh, you get out of the car and pull the sweet little boy into your arms. Once you have him situated on your hip, you open the passenger side door and gently shake Melissa.

“Hun,” you say softly. “I could get JJ out of the car, but I don’t think I can carry the both of you.”

She jolts awake, a look of fear in her eyes. Once her eyes focus again, she realizes that it’s just you, and you can see her visibly relax. “We’re home?”

“Yeah,” you sigh quietly as you readjust the little boy in your arms. “Come on. Let’s get you and JJ upstairs and comfortable.”

It’s a slow but steady journey as you get the two Schemmentis back into their apartment. You lay the little boy down on the couch and pull the blanket over him before glancing over at Melissa.

“Do you want me to stay, or do you want some time alone with your son?” you ask softly, and you truly don’t mind which she picks.

“Stay?” the redhead requests quietly as she settles down next to JJ. “I- I like having you here.”

“I like being here,” you chuckle softly as you brush a few hairs away from her face. In a daring move, you press your lips to hers. “I’ll start on dinner. You two, just… relax.”

She goes to protest, but the fire in her ribs stops her. She gently falls back into the couch cushion. “Thank you.”

You only cook for about twenty minutes before you plate everything and go to take it into the living room. You expect the redhead to perk up immediately, but instead she’s dozing on the couch right alongside her son.

You can’t help but smile softly as you watch the two of them and realize how lucky you are to be here- with her, with him. Just lucky. There is definitely a long road ahead of you in terms of whatever may happen in the future with Melissa, but you’re certain it’s going to be worth it. It’s all going to be okay.

And you found yourself in this domestic little life all because you found yourself enthralled with your new neighbor. 

TAGS: (and let me know if you want to be included!): @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @thesamesweetie @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @gwennybriggs @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @sapphicxrat @a-queen-and-her-throne @sunsol-22 @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson @dvrkhcld @cosmichymns @sasheemo

[geckoed]

WHO ARE YOU?

(PART 1) turns out that reading did pop up!! which means i get to make more, hooray!! this is a mixture of intuitive reading and some cards, and it was in my drafts for a while so. please tell me if this resonates!

some trigger warnings for most piles. some of them deal with slightly heavy topics. if you're not in the right headspace to read this, don't. i will be blunt 😭.

PILE 1.

cards: strength, the empress, the fool, nine of pentacles.

people tend to view you as someone who despite not having it all 'together' doesn't really seem to care about that. this can be in a good or bad way; either you're calm and collected in a dire situation, or when something bad happens you tend to escape it. you're an airhead; you're also naive, and you view the world through rose-colored glasses. you might be a young soul. despite all of this, you're clever and you have good intuition; before letting your emotions cloud your sense of vision over, trust your gut. it's your best friend in such situations. you're picky with who you consider being close to you. you're not the type of person to consider family immediately your closest people; in your opinion, people must show they are worthy of your energy before being let into your inner circle. you're lovable, but people don't really know your true self, which makes some hesitant to tell you the truth as they are scared of what the real you thinks.

PILE 2.

cards: queen of swords, the lovers, judgement, justice.

you're a calm soul, usually. there's not much that can irritate you, other than a lack of fairness. you're not the type of person to immediately vouch for a family member if they're actually wrong, which can make some of your family members view you as stubborn and not a good person; don't be afraid of this. (pile 1 had similar messages). stand by your truth; you're blunt, honest, but despite all of this there's a cadence to you that is rare to find in others. you have a bright spark to you; you're the type of person people see at gas stations or stores and think about months later. to the people who crush on you and fall in love with you (yes, they exist 🙄 you're not unlovable) you feel like home. they want to sink into your arms and lay there. you give so much love, but you must be wary of where you put it. don't give it to the wrong people, because you will lose all of yourself if you do. sometimes this is needed; you're like a phoenix, rising from the ashes.

PILE 3.

cards: the world, the emperor, strength, king of cups.

you are literally the sun! the word 'leap' is important for some reason. you're this golden, golden person; people feel like you're stable and they can lean against you. don't let the wrong people lean against you, though. you have a good sense of self-respect, and you know you're a bad bitch and you deserve the UTMOST BEST. (if you don't know this yet, you're gonna know it soon hon). you're a lil bit intimidating, because you are soooo soooo bright and also people who are insecure of themselves often project against you. sometimes you seem like you don't give a fuck, though, and you use this to hurt people; you have to be careful, especially if your loved ones are more sensitive and emotional than you. tell them how much you love them. they love you too. also, it seems like this is the pile with childhood pains; you were not deserving of them and never will be. you seem to have started the path of healing, which is good. keep healing, keep shining. for some reason, if any of you have watched the outsiders, this pile is giving johnny vibes.

PILE 4.

cards: the hierophant, queen of wands, the devil.

on the outside people feel like they dk a lot about you. you could be a private person, or you're extremely selective with who you let in. on the inside, you're a very soft person. delicate, which is why you're very careful with who you let in. you're like a sunrise; you bring beauty to the day. you have some angelic qualities to you, but if you're angry you tend to victimize yourself because you were never taught how to deal with emotions properly. you like giving advice to people, but you really need to listen some of your own hon. i feel like this pile really likes using material things to escape their thoughts, but sometimes you have to confront them head on. also, everyone has the ability to heal and grow. you don't have to stay in pain just because it's all you know (or think you'll know).

[gojoidyll]

electric love ch. 2

Yandere ! Gojo Satoru x Female ! Reader

Summary | In a technological advanced world where ai and virtual reality overrun the populace, a certain synthetic being learns what love was all thanks to a certain woman.

Warnings | none

Note | as I said in the 1st chapter, this one will be in 2nd person pov and will stay that way for the rest of the fic <3

electric love masterlist

There were many times in your life where you wished that you would just die by some freak accident. Or die by a meteor hitting you so precisely that you were the only casualty. However, death does not come for those who wish for it, as the old saying goes.

10:30 AM on the dot.

You straightened out your clothing and tried your best to calm your thrumming heart that seemed to want to beat right out of your chest.

This job that Ayakazhi accepted from THE Gojo Satoru could literally get you killed.

And yet, it was a job you had to do nonetheless.

You waved your wrist in front of a scanner by the door which made the door dematerialize a split second later when your identity was confirmed through the security system.

"Good morning, I'll be the AI specialist helping you today."

You remembered a time within college where you had to take a human & ai interaction course. The teachings were interesting, to say the least. The course basically went over how despite the ai being mere androids, it was best to still treat them as human. Treat them as beings who could never achieve what they truly want.

So you don't say "I'm here to fix you, or repair you" when talking with an android. You say "I'm here to help you. Here to see what's wrong." Like how a doctor sees to a human patient.

"Morning doctor," the ai replied smoothly, a lilt in his voice as he scanned you. You couldn't help but to laugh lightly at that, "sorry, but I don't have a doctorate. L/n or y/n will be just fine."

Once you made sure your equipment was all prepped, you finally steeled yourself to look at him. And you couldn't stop the way your breath hitched at the sight.

The android in front of you was beautiful. White locks of hair perfectly framing his face despite jutting out in different directions, giving him a messy hairstyle look. Crystal blue eyes that glinted in the light, a pair of sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose. His skin looked so smooth too, almost looked soft to the touch. He looked human. Too real. Too here.

As for his clothing, he wore a simple pair of black dress pants along with a white button up. His jacket was discarded to the chair beside him as he was sitted on the operation bed (much like a bed you would find in a doctor's office).

Now, you had heard that Gojo was beautiful, but since you couldn't afford a TV or the subscription to a digital newspaper, you were always left wondering how truly beautiful this artificial being was. You weren't disappointed, but now you couldn't help but to feel self conscious about your own clothing.

A simple blue sweater with a few holes in it, jeans that were worn at the bottoms, shoes that looked like they were about to fall apart at the seems.

Honestly, you wished you could go buy fancy and expensive clothes right now cause you couldn't help but to feel a bit underdressed despite this being an appointment.

"I'll call you y/n then, if that's alright."

You nodded as you maneuvered your fingers in a certain way so that a screen would appear in front of you.

"That'll be alright Mr. Gojo. Now, I was briefly told why you're here and why you chose this ... particular place, so let's just start with the basics, shall we? I don't know if you read my form or not, but I typically like to get to know my patients and i would like them to get to know me as well before I try to help them because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in any way while I work on you."

You took a seat in an abandoned chair so that you were now sitting across from him.

Gojo merely grinned, "actually, that's exactly why I picked you. As I was scanning through possible specialists, I found your profile and thought you a good fit. In fact, you got some good reviews too. Not a single person was left unsatisfied after getting a check-up from you. So I couldn't resist when choosing this place."

You smiled at that, "I'm glad to hear that. Makes me a little less nervous."

"Nervous? What do you have to be nervous about?"

You gave him an are-you-serious look to which he laughed at.

"Alright, alright," he said, "point taken. No need to say anything."

He waved his hands in front of himself in surrender.

His laugh is so ... realistic. You wondered how many diagnostic checks and calibrations he had to go through in order to get his voice and even his laughter to sound so human.

Was it alright to even ask that...?

As for Gojo, he seemed to pick up on your unasked question. He could see it in your eyes.

"It took a few years."

"Pardon?"

"My laugh, my voice. You're wondering how I managed to get it to sound so realistic, right?"

You blushed as you had gotten caught, "yes, I'm sorry Mr. Gojo. I know it's an impolite question."

He shook his head, "think nothing of it. In fact, I welcome the curious mind. Besides, it's just as you said, right? Let's get to know each other."

You nodded your head. Your focus solely on him.

"As I said, it took a few years and many, many tests. Of course, I first started adjusting my voice to sound more human back in my childhood years. That way I wouldn't have to worry later down the road."

"Childhood years, Mr. Gojo?"

"Yes, as you've probably heard we androids typically like to feel more human have different models. For example, I was 'born' 28 years ago. So at certain years of my life, I would have different bodies. Like ... I had a body of ten year old when it was my tenth year 'alive'."

You nodded again, a hand coming to your chin as you thought over his words, "I think I understand. So do you still have your previous models? Like the bodies of your past years."

"Of course not, they were destroyed."

"Do you typically make a new model of yourself after each birthday?"

"No."

"Is this your actual body for when your 28, or is this your body from a previous year?"

"Actually, as it turns out, this is my newest body. So yes, this is my 28 year old body."

"Ah, I see, I see. So when do you plan on making a new model?"

"Probably when I turn 35 or so, maybe even 40 if i feel like it."

You chuckled at that, "why not stay 28 forever?"

He shrugged and leaned forward, his lips upturned in a mischievous grin, "that wouldn't be very human of me, now would it?"

You laughed at that, "good point, Mr. Gojo."

Gojo clapped his hands together, "my turn to ask a question!"

"Fire away."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

You were quick to erupt in a fit of giggles, "what a flirt!" You managed to say between breaths.

Gojo merely looked appalled and offended, a hand placing across his chest where his heart would be as he gasped, "I think the question was fair!"

But he started grinning and laughing with you nonetheless. Which was how your conversation went throughout the rest of the appointment.

12:00 PM.

You glanced at the time as you stood up, "well, that concludes our first appointment."

"Oh," Gojo inquired, "but we didn't exactly do anything, well, not unless you count our riveting conversation."

You grinned and patted his shoulder, "of course. As I said I like to get to know my patients before we start anything. Just like how I want my patients to know me. When I check your systems, I don't want there to be any mistrust or grievances between us. You'll be in a vulnerable state and I don't want you to feel as if I'm taking advantage of you in any way, which is why the first appointment is usually us talking to each other."

You materialized a screen in front of him, "so, if you want to schedule your next appointment, you may. But you don't have to if you wish for someone else. Oh, and you don't have to pay for this first appointment either since I didn't help or perform a check-up either."

Gojo nodded along as he looked at the screen that was materialized in front of him. Raising one of his hands he gently pressed down on the 'schedule a new appointment option' which immediately brought up a calendar. He smiled at that.

"Something wrong?"

"It's just, I notice how you're allowing me to pick a date to schedule. Most specialists and doctors I know usually pick a date for me and others."

You shook your head at that, "well, I'm the type of person who likes giving my clients the freedom to choose their days. Be it at 3:00 AM in the morning on a Saturday. Or at 5:46 PM on a Tuesday."

Gojo let his eyes scan over you again before choosing a day.

Two days from now at 10:30 AM.

"Awesome, now just sign here and I guess I'll see you then" you said as you sent him a polite smile.

He was quick to sign his name at that, and when he grabbed his jacket, he looked at you one last time before leaving, "before I go, I never did get that answer to my first question."

"Hmm?"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

That same playfulness reached both his voice and eyes and you couldn't help but to chuckle lightly, "no, I don't."

"Glad to hear it. Now, i guess I'll see you Wednesday, Little y/n."