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bloodchapell · 3 months ago

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castle of sand — senku i. 14: anticlimactic acknowledgment

brief summary: new house, new allies, yipeee! and of course, you decide to acknowledge that which shall not be expressed openly

what to expect: OMGOMGOMG expect THE aknowledgment

your sword's note: this was bizarre but come on look at these two, they are that stupid despite being really smart, all past and future parts + playlist of this series available on my mistresslist

A loud thump was heard in the forest.

"If a tree is cut down in the forest, but no one hears it, does it make a sound?" You say almost automatically. Senku rolled his eyes, but a small smile creeps in as he notices you go back to your philosophical antics. You both walked towards the noise as he explained physics to you as if you were an idiot and how it would make a sound regardless of anyone perceiving it. You both watch from afar, and at the sight of nothing but a girl under the fallen tree, you both approached it. "She is so beautiful." You immediately said wide eyed.

"I thought I was your whole world and stars." Senku complained. "I almost died just now, don't fawn over someone else."

"You still are, don't be jealous at the honest appreciation of aesthetically pleasing individuals."

Senku made you sit down. The blonde girl was under the tree, you asked her if she was okay, and she asked back when she confirmed she saw you fainting by the mountain. While Senku built a pulley out of nothing, like always, you sat by the tree. Your body was feeling like you had been thrown from a 5 story building and beaten repeatedly, and the sunlight bothered you, but the most radioactive bodily sensation you could feel was the pain in your heart and the emptiness in your stomach, which was different from hunger, it was a void.

You talked to the girl occasionally, but most of the time your eyes were fixated permanently on Senku; he had noticed, but it didn't bother him. You thought of what had happened, it felt like a sour nightmare now, but it had left an imprint in you that was probably impossible to erase. Your eyes followed Senku around, watching him stop to think for a moment, or cut the wood, or tinker around, you paid close attention to the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, to his methodical blinking, to the occasional scratch to his ear; the smallest traces of evidence that he was alive. The constant headache reminded you that you were back in your body and in reality, but your system tingled trying not to get up and grab Senku to see if he was really alive, as if his presence was not enough to calm you down, and it wasn't, not after what had happened. You felt a knot form in your throat, thinking of what would have happened if he had actually died.

"I actually had never fainted, it was a rather odd experience, I am not sure I liked it much, probably because of the circumstances around the event itself, oh, thinking hurts." Instead, you chose to ramble about something else, trying not to break down under the careful gaze of the blonde girl.

"You speak in riddles." The blonde girl said, Senku let out a laugh as he built the device; the sun started setting down. He talked about Archimedes and the functioning of the pulley, and finally when it was done, the tree was lifted from the girl. She got out slowly, and sat down, tying her hair.

"Guess it's time to introduce myself. My name is Kohaku, and honestly, I believe I've taken quite a liking to you two." The blonde said.

"I can't say that I can give one millimeter of support for what I just heard. We've just met, and you're already professing your love? Not how to handle an emergency." Senku complained immediately.

"I don't mind." You raised your hand immediately, Kohaku laughed and Senku frowned immediately.

"I didn't say anything about falling in love." More relaxed, Kohaku cleared the misunderstanding. "I'm saying I like you as people and I think we can work together."

"Oh. Well, thanks. I appreciate that because nothing's as illogical or prone to trouble as a romantic entanglement."

Kohaku decided to cook some food, and you and Senku obliged, being extremely exhausted. You both thanked her and sat down to rest for a little, Senku asked you how you were feeling about the concussion, and the symptoms seemed to be winding down already.

"Do you like girls?" Out of nowhere Senku asked, the soup in your mouth splashing out before you could cover it with your hand.

"What?" You asked laughing, cleaning the mess, he repeated the question. "That is an interesting querie, for the longest time I was sure I did not like people at all because I never liked anyone."

"What do you mean you never liked anyone?"

"Well, I had never liked a person romantically before. I don't think it is something important, more so, you expressed that relationships are illogical, so I do not get what the issue is with me not liking anyone."

"Okay, whatever. Do you like Kohaku then?" Senku asked, there was a single drop of hoarseness in his voice, and a rustle in his eyes.

"Of course I do not." You smiled, going back to eating. "She is beautiful, and I am amazed by her beauty, somewhat envious of her body too, but I do not work in the usual ways of romance. I am a yearner, I need something deeper than a trench to fall in love, despite loving easily. Why?"

Senku stayed quiet. Avoiding your eyes because he knew you would know what he was thinking immediately if you were to lock gazes with him. You were clear with your words, despite adorning them to the brim, it was now something that came natural and reversing it could pop a vein from your brain. There was some form of acknowledgment, always, for that which shall not be expressed openly. You were not stupid and had realized long ago, and you were sure that despite having the emotional intelligence of a sponge, Senku knew too. From when you blushed at his compliments of your food, or your reluctance to let him comfort you, the shared smiles, the almost telepathy you had with each other, an understanding of each other so interlinked that verbal communication was not needed.

"Nothing, doesn't matter." He pushed your head with his finger. You took another look at him, his hands putting the clay plate back down on the ground, he sat still, looking into the forest. His hands looked rough, so you took them with yours. The effects of the concussion were nothing but a reminder of why you got it in the first place, the sound sensitivity, the dizziness, the fading headache, it was all a reminder that Senku had died, which felt now weird, seeing him sitting beside you with his little grin, holding his hand, bigger than yours. He didn't question why you grabbed his hand, and kept thinking of whatever he was thinking of before.

Some time passed and night fell upon the forest. Kohaku went to sleep, holding her blade, you were decently close to her, but neither you nor Senku started getting ready to sleep just then. You took a glance at the stars, he did too, the area was not so clear since the leaves of the trees would get in the way of the sky, and the weather made it worse.

“Cloudy.” You mumbled pointing at the sky. “We can't see them.”

“That's true, upsetting right?” Senku said with some tenderness in his voice. “A break in the routine is hellish.”

You initially thought that skipping the nightly stargazing session was like skipping a meal, a reminder of the unsafe lack of a physical home, but the exhaustion caught up to you and left you unable to formulate such a long thought, so you focused on something simpler: the temperature of his hand.

“You’re cold.”

“And you’re short on words, are you tired?” He asked, you nodded. “Today was a fucked up day, rest.”

“Fucked up day, yes.”

That was the last thing you said for the night. No goodnight as always, that was too personal, even when you opened your arms right after.

And Senku did the same, fitting his arms around your body, as if to hide you, like always, but you pushed away, and he didn't get why until you pulled him into your arms, hiding him, holding him with a strength he didn't know you had, or more so, with a weakness he didn't know you had. Your hands wrapped around him, one around his neck, laying softly on the back of his head, tangling gently with his strands, the other one on his back, firm, pressing him towards you as much as you could. He felt as solid as a living person does, but everytime you closed your eyes, the images of his dead body tormented you.

“I’m fine.” Senku said as he felt your grip tighten and your breathing unstabilize. “I am here, alive.”

He felt you nod, but also felt the hiccups of your cries when they started. It was a softer cry, compared to the one you had done earlier, and it ceased relatively quickly. You fell asleep oddly fast, probably from the exhaustion, and once you did, Senku slipped a little from your embrace to take a look at you, disheveled compared to the neat image that came to his mind when he thought of you, hair freshly cut and in the damn suit to run to some conference, from the modern world; miserable compared to the joyous image that also came to his mind when thinking of you, hair slightly messy that he had to brush with his fingers and sun freckles at spending the day looking for food, and a wide smile and hands slightly dirty, from the stone world; it didn’t compare either to the peaceful and thoughtless expression you would have when sleeping in his arms when you lived in the treehouse. His hand organized your hair, putting the rebellious strands behind your ear, organizing the bandages, playing with your bangs, looking at you like he did that time you went to his apartment at 4 am to take a look at Mercury and fell asleep on his bed. Evaluating your features made him ease down, for some reason. He liked looking at you. He fell asleep too.

Morning came eventually. You inevitably noticed that Kohaku was already up, in an energetic way. There was something anachronistic about it. After the usual morning ordeal, Kohaku guided you and Senku towards the springs, where she collected warm water in a barrel, for baths for her sick sister. She started walking downhill and slipped, Senku caught the barrel but after he offered to carry it he fell too.

“It’s the shoes.” You pointed out Kohaku's insane shoes. “You are not in a primal state and walking downhill holding something heavy in those shoes will make you fall. If we make a little hand truck it will be easier.”

“No more hand trucks, this accounts for a real car.”

“Three-wheeled cars are unstable.”

Despite that, you helped Senku build a very rustic car. Kohaku sat in the front holding the barrel and you and Senku sat in the back, with you complaining about being scared of cars, and after a failed turn, you all crashed.

“My first car crash… statistically, if there is a next one, I will die.”

“What statistics are you making up?” Senku complained, defeated again on the ground.

Kohaku signaled you both to look at her village, which was visible from there. Senku looked at you, and you looked at him, a silent acknowledgment that the village was not made by people who revived recently, but most likely by people from long ago. That was the anachronistic feeling of Kohaku waking up so effortlessly, as if she had never experienced late night doom scrolling or modern sleep avoidance in exchange for some stupid gratification like looking up how planes are able to fly.

In the entrance, two guards stood, and initially they ought to attack Senku and you, Kohaku was ready to fight until Senku took out a bar of soap from his bag and made some bubbles by rubbing the soap with the warm water from the barrel.

“Wow. So that's their level, eh?” Senku mumbled at seeing the guards scared of the bubbles, and turned to see you were also playing with them. “Don’t embarrass me, you are a modern human.”

“If I was a language scholar, I would be a romanticist, fascinated by the simplicity of these primitive people and their child-like wonder, though under that same pretense I would not fit much the stereotype of the byronic hero, though at the same time pride inclines me to admit I might be superfluous.”

“Wow, so humble.”

A third guy arrived, he introduced himself after saying how he ran from the shore at the sight of bubbles.

“Hey! I'm the one called Chrome! Bad and insanely smart. I'm the genius sorcerer of the village!” The brunette said, and despite Senku clearing his own status as a scientist, his face changed once Chrome explained how to make the bubbles, even though primitive, he had knowledge. And so, Chrome challenged Senku to a duel of sorcery, moving from the entrance of the village to some hut, a devious grin on both Senku’s face and yours, looking at the building with malice, with the lust of two homeless teens desiring a building for headquarters.

Chrome lit up a campfire, and started throwing dust into it, the fire changing colors as he put in different things; Senku immediately called the dust out to be salt, sulfur and copper in that same order. Then, Chrome went to his hut for a ball, and after rubbing it for the longest time, he attacked Ginro; Senku took the ball and with the leather flag intensified the static, proving again that he was better.

“Feels like I'm watching ‘baby's first science class’ with this dude. It's all so primitive.” Senku started.

“Do not be so mean to Chrome, even a modern person like myself would not be able to know all of that.” You chimed in. “You were born with the easy settings for learning science. He went into Little Alchemy blindfolded.”

“You called him primitive first… but well, check this out, Tsukasa can kill me or anyone else with a brain for that matter, he can try all he wants to kill science itself, but there will always be some idiot who'll try anything just to see what happens.”

“So poetic, very well done!” You exclaimed. “Tsukasa will most likely want to end your life, Chrome, and despite being an amazing sorcerer, I am afraid, terribly afraid, that your science is not good enough to combat the man that killed a lion bare-handed, if you join our kingdom of science, your chances of survival increase by unthinkable numbers.”

“Who is Tsukasa? What are you talking about?” Chrome hesitated.

“How manipulative.” Senku whispered. “But true, we would love if you joined forces with us, and lent your shed of science to the cause!”

Chrome denied immediately, wanting to keep his stuff, so he challenged Senku to a last battle, an arithmetic duel, betting that if he lost, the shed of science would be yours, but if he won, you two would leave the village on your knees.

And like that, the kingdom of science had more than a hut, a base, after Senku buried Chrome in math and logically won. Senku entered the hut, and called you to take a look at it too, it was full of baskets with rocks and plants, and Chrome quickly joined, bragging about his collection. Kohaku left after a while to drop off the warm water to her sister.

“I’ll organize the house.” With a smile you said, staying in the hut while Senku and Chrome went downstairs to do some sorcery.

“Great, put our flag on the ceiling, do not fall.” Senku said throwing you the flag. You observed for a while. Kohaku went into the village with her warm water barrel, and Senku melted some stone to make a gold bath for Kinro’s spear as a bribe, that made you laugh. You managed to climb the ceiling of the hut and planted the flag of the kingdom of science on top. “One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.”

“You are not Neil Armstrong.” Senku mocked you. “I am surprised you know the transmission didn’t reproduce the ‘a’ before ‘man’.”

“We have a house now, yipee!” Getting down from the ceiling you exclaimed, ignoring Senku’s words, but grabbing his hands and jumping slightly. “Chrome, you have medicinal plants here, they are for Kohaku’s sister, right?”

“Yes, I'm hoping that I'll find something that'll heal Ruri. In fact, that's why I became a sorcerer in the first place.” He nodded.

“How sweet. Well the symptoms you mentioned: a cough, weakness, exhaustion, trouble breathing, indicate some sort of problem with the respiratory system, I had bronchitis myself as a child and it would be easily solvable with modern science.”

“Are you a scientist too?” Chrome asked, interested.

“I do not think so, no, I am more of a thinker.” You explained and Chrome nodded, not understanding what that meant. “You will notice the difference, but for now, where do you think we came from, me and Senku?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, somewhere definitely.” Chrome thought for a while.

“The human-looking statues, I am sure you have seen them, right?” You continued.

“Impossible… were you two… statues?”

“A thinker.” You took an imaginary crown from your head and placed it on Chrome’s head. “You were able to draw that conclusion without me saying much, therefore you have a great deductive capability and are able to analyze context and draw a conclusion.”

“A scientist.” Senku pushed the imaginary object from Chrome’s head.

“Thinking is an independent variable from science, but there is no science without thinking.” You argued back to Senku, taking the imaginary crown from the floor and putting it on Chrome’s head again; Senku gave up. Chrome nodded, not knowing what was happening.

“How did you become human?”

“We were humans before, and one day we were turned into stone, but we thought so much that the stone broke from inside out with the help of a wastage liquid.” You summarized. “Before we were turned to stone, we lived in a different world to the one you know, but Senku can take it from here.”

“That is a rough summary, I'll tell you everything about what happened 3,700 years ago, and about what the world was like before the collapse, with a little more detail.”

You laid down, resting your head on your hands, and Senku started talking. He went over the basics of everything, drawing a timeline of civilization, telling Chrome all advancements that lead ultimately to the life you had in the modern time. Chrome teared up a bit, no, he cried about the loss of civilization, of progress and science; you sympathized with him, Senku reassured him that all that knowledge was safely stored in his mind, and in Chrome too, and so, Chrome agreed to build the kingdom of science with Senku and you, and Senku nodded, saying that he would make antibiotics for Ruri.

“Hmmm, so you like Ruri?” You asked with a smile and Chrome faltered, he didn’t respond for a while.

“You said I am a thinker, so I think you two have a strange relationship, I can see it. Are you two dating?”

“Ah? N... no? No.”

“Why did you hesitate?” Chrome asked again. “If you hesitated it must be because you don’t even know the answer.”

“What do you care. It is late enough, go back to the village and sleep in your house.” Senku pushed him off. “Well we recruited our second slave… I mean, ally.”

“And we have a house.”

At both victories, you cheered together. You moved a few things and put down your sleeping bag, then took a look at the rocks Chrome had collected for years. The silence sat within you two, and it was comforting, a silence that didn’t need to be pushed off the hut like Chrome, a silence formed after an eternity of knowing each other. Senku also took a look at the rocks, putting aside some that he deemed important enough, and you put down by one of the shelves one of the seashells you had saved. Chrome had some food in the hut, which you two ate, and at last, you prepared to go to sleep after the eventful date.

"Quantum immortality, do you know it?" You asked in a whisper. You had wanted to talk about the unspeakable for quite a while, but since the previous night you were exhausted and for the whole day you both had been busy, it was time. You had gained the resolve to speak about it quite easily, at the thought of what Senku dying, so the only thing left was to start.

“Still dwelling on it? I am fine.” Senku insisted, but you remained silent. “Yes, I know quantum immortality.”

"How I died that day but I am still here, how you died yesterday but you are still here. Death gives us a widespread number of insights on human life, an inevitable destiny, but quantum immortality suggests otherwise, whenever you die, you jump into another variation of space-time in which you survived, but despite jumping through the continuum, there is one universe where you still died. There is a universe where you stayed dead.

It took you a while to keep talking, not a painful pause, simply stopping to reorganize your thoughts. Senku looked at you in the darkness of the hut, thinking of what would have happened if petrification never happened and you would have succeeded in killing yourself, his soul souring and dropping.

“In that long forgotten universe, I lost you. Despite my promise, I would have done it. Maybe it would have been a rash decision, suicide is a rash decision. I never thought I would want to disappear from existence again, but the pain was too much, maybe even more than when my mom kicked me out, that day I took some time to think, I laid down, I smoked a cigarette, I sat contemplating life... but this time, if the revival fluid didn't work, I would have not hesitated to kill myself."

"You did what?" Senku grabbed you by the shoulders.

"Fuck, freudian slip." You mutter, at the realization that you slipped the truth and at his movement harsh, making your head spin. "Let me finish before you scold me. I know my feelings, even if they are new feelings that I have not felt before, and I know what I want. I do not suppress them, even if I had to bang my head on the trees to not lose control... heh, something so you. I do not fear confessing what is obvious —at least to my eyes—, nor I fear rejection, or change, at least not this kind of change, but I was fine with the silence, our silence. Sometimes I am afraid to bother you with my rambles, and despite it all I still prefer to stay silent about my deepest feelings, but seeing you die made me realize the futility of secrecy, and reminded me of the transient ephemerality of life, and now seeing that I was gifted with having you live again, I figured it is time to say how much I love..."

"Okay that is enough." Senku put both his hands over your mouth, his heart rate spiking to the heavens. He took a moment and then spoke again, he had to sit up. "What the fuck...!?"

"What?" You responded startled. Despite his reaction brewing at the latter part of your talk, he decided to focus on your accidental confession of smoking —rather than on the very much intentional acknowledgement about your love for ???—.

"What do you mean you smoked a cigarette?" Senku asked and you sighed. "So all those times you were lying to me saying that it was the teacher. Why the fuck would you smoke? Were you crazy?"

"I am really sorry for lying, I have no excuses other than reasonings."

"I don't want to hear your reasonings." He was mad, but he quickly calmed down when he saw a glimpse of the scars in your arms, one still covered by his bandages. "Look, I understand the stupid logic behind self-destructive behaviors and..."

"Let me finish speaking." You stated again with sobriety, so he shut up immediately. "I know what I feel, and if you are not as silly as I imagine, you should know so too. I never intended to tell you because I don't need anything to happen about this all, but I know you are curious, and just because I literally saw you die yesterday, I want to give in into every dumb wish you may have at least for a while. I ought to never have my mouth falter to tell the truth about how I feel, but I am a victim of society and I can't go around telling people how much I care about them just like that either, so at least I hope you knew before today, and after today, I won't hesitate to say it."

"Say what?"

"Say that I love you." With no reluctance you said. "I love you."

"You are crazy, it is the concussion." Senku was quick to open his mouth, his heartbeat loud on his ears and his face oddly warm.

"Do not feign ignorance, that is possibly one of the things I actually hate." You pointed out. "I should have also told Taiju and Yuzuriha that I loved them, because I do, not in the same way... but I will make sure to do that next time. This was a rather anticlimactic acknowledgment, but if you pestered me with asking if I like Kohaku because I complimented her, it must be because you care about who I like; I won't ask for the reason why you do that, I do not care for correspondence. But what happened yesterday reminded me that I don't have control over life, and if you had died I would have been tormented by not having told you that I love you, so I am freeing my conscience now that I can, I won't be taking any chances."

"Are you not embarrassed to say that?"

"Why would I be embarrassed to say what I feel? That is such a stupidity." You sighed in discontent. "Does it not make sense? Think science here even, what is love but an evolutionary tool to have us survive and preserve, it makes only sense that this happened, be rational, be rational."

"Well what am I supposed to do with that?" Senku asked, frowning. "Do you really not care about what I have to say? Are you that allergic to happiness?"

"I do not care, I just wanted to let you know." You smiled, nodding. "And since I am confessing stuff, when we were 8 and you kept looking for some expensive glassware that had disappeared from your house, it was me, I broke it and panicked so I got rid of it. I swore I would never tell you because you might kill me, but it's fine now, right?"

He had to take a few deep breaths to not lose it, remembering when his glassware mysteriously disappeared and how much it set back his projects.

Your words kept repeating in his head despite it all, and after a good scold about the dangers of nicotine, and your prolonged confession on your smoking adventures, he started talking about the concussion instead, he insisted on letting you lay your head on his arm, just so your concussion would get better and he would not lose his star employee.

"So you love me." He stated after you had already closed your eyes trying to sleep.

"Don't feel special, I also loved the mascot of the neighborhood pharmacy, a lot."

"Yes, but you are in love with me, not just love like the pharmacy dog or Taiju or Yuzuriha."

"You are a little annoying, Senku. Come, let me tell you something." You moved your hand to signal him to get closer, so when he leaned in, you kissed his forehead.

"What the fuck..." Immediately he complained, but a really soft smile brushed on his lips; no one had kissed his forehead since Byakuya left for training.

"Are you that allergic to affection?" You asked, referencing his words.

"Yes, bring the epipen."

"Then I take it back." You brought your hand to his forehead and pretended to take the kiss away.

"Okay that is not how things work." Senku said but you kept silent, until he spoke, again. "Did you have to confess right now? I imagined your confessions would have a theatrical backdrop, like a sunset or something utterly ridiculous. I expected you to do more roundabouts around it."

"You died. I am not taking chances, you look like you can choke on saliva at any moment." You move from his arms and look up to him. "I can be direct when I want to, saying that I love you is less embarrassing than explaining why and how."

His eyebrows arched, somehow that made sense.

"I noticed." Senku replied, organizing the bandages on your head, gently checking the wound. "You said you hoped I knew before today, I knew."

"I knew too. I know." You said, more cryptic, and that was enough to shut him up. He knew what you meant to say, something that would probably pop a vein from his brain if he said it, but something he did regardless, how he made sure to always compliment your food, how he inevitably looked for your embrace when sleeping, how he let you hug him, how he hugged back, how he was so adamant in not letting you wander the forest alone for too long, how his words became tender for you, how he would let you ramble freely and even participate sometimes. He knew what he felt, and he was glad you knew even when he could not bring himself to say it like you did.

His guilt grew a little when his hand caressing your hair got strangled in the bandage, he didn't just know he had caused you pain, there was physical evidence of how much his very brief but very serious death had affected you, not only from the concussion, but from how tight you held him after Taiju and Yuzuriha had left and how hard you cried, and how strong your hands felt clinging around him even then, he could feel your ear pressed against his chest, making sure his heart was still beating, your hands occasionally pressing on his back to make sure he was real.

“Why did you hesitate when Chrome asked you that?” Senku spoke again.

“It should be obvious, use your brain.” You huffed in his chest but he shook his head. “We act odd for being archenemies, neighbors, even friends.”

“You can sleep on your own lonely cold.” Senku said, mimicking your words.

“I can, you cannot.”

He laughed, there was no point in arguing with the truth, he knew as much. By that time he stopped pestering you, but still having questions, wanting to inquire when did you realize, how, why, how it felt, how it started, how you handled it, just sheer curiosity, as if facing it like another science fact, because it was, at least that is what he told himself to put out the happiness inside him that should not be a thing. His mind raced to think of other aspects of the whole ordeal, it made sense that you had the urge to change things once he died, just like he had the urge to become friends once you confessed about your intentions to kill yourself the day of the petrification; he knew you did it for yourself, to be at peace, to not have any regrets, and for him, so he knew that he was important, that he was loved. He wondered how things would have developed if you expected a response, he had his response, but you didn’t need it, just by looking at each other you could tell that he corresponded, even if he thought relationships were illogical, or even if he was busy literally rebuilding civilization. From his newly acquired emotional depth, Senku didn’t bother fighting his weakest human side, nor he wondered how to get rid of it, or change it, it was only logical —like you said— that it had happened, after spending everyday together for almost a year, sleeping like that, even stargazing together, and of course, how he found you attractive, there, he thought it like it was. He thought it like it was, he didn’t reject it: he acknowledged it too.

taglist: @thelonestarinthesky, @bookworm-center, @iheartpieck

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