#you can feel the gay tension in red country

[fantasy-hoe-25]

Inside me there are two wolves. Savian/Lamb and Majud/Curnsbick. And they both demand fanfics to be written about them.

[punkshort]

Chapter warnings: language, alcohol use, sexual tension, tiny bit of smut, angst, pretty long chapter lol

Chapter Five

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

September 2003

Work had been so busy you barely realized the summer was coming to an end. You haven’t seen a whole lot of Joel lately, save for your monthly accounting meetings with him. He would still cast glances in your direction, with a discreet smile if you caught his eye, but your one-on-one interactions have been minimal. It didn’t bother you. Actually, you were relieved because Colleen had stopped bringing up her suspicions about your relationship with him.

On this particular day, Colleen was more fixated on the other Miller brother. She was posted up in your cubical, quietly recounting for you her latest interactions with Tommy. She was frustrated because he seemed to be giving her the cold shoulder. When she caught him in the breakroom early one morning alone, she confronted him about it, and he explained that he needed to stop socializing with the women in the office.

“I knew what I was getting into when we started hooking up, but it still took me by surprise, you know?” Colleen whispered, looking distraught. She sighed, shaking her head. “I don’t know, maybe I was starting to get feelings for him, and I thought he might be, too. I'm such an idiot."

“Is there anything I can do to help?” you asked. You felt bad for your friend.

Her gaze shot up to meet yours, suddenly excited. She clasped her hands together with a huge grin.

"Yes! Let’s go out to a bar tonight! Pretty please! You never go with us, and I swear it would make me feel so much better.” Colleen had you right where she wanted you, and you fell for it. You rolled your eyes.

"Okay," you agreed.

“Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll see if Debbie and Kyle can come, too! We can make it a fun night out.” Kyle was the newest hire in your department, who also happened to be gay. You had grown to really like him the past several weeks. He clicked with the three of you instantly. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea.

You let yourself get a little excited at the prospect of a night out. It was a Thursday, so you told yourself as you headed to the bar to meet your friends that you had to limit yourself to two drinks. The department had a meeting with Joel the next morning and you knew it would be obvious if you were all hungover.

You walked up to the front of the bar, waving to your friends huddled in a circle waiting for you. The days were still warm, but the nights were beginning to get cooler. You wished you had thought to grab a jacket to throw over your dress for the journey home, but the alcohol would have to warm you up instead. You were relieved to find that you dressed appropriately for the night out: you had on a sleeveless black dress that hugged your hips and showed just the right amount of cleavage. You paired it with a pair of red pumps you hardly wore that gave you just a few extra inches of height. Colleen wore a similarly flirty bright pink dress with matching heels. Even Debbie, who typically wore dress pants to the office, was dressed up in a modest skirt. Kyle clued in on you first, giving you a low wolf whistle when he saw your outfit. Men had it so much easier: he simply wore a white button-down shirt with the first two buttons opened, revealing a smooth chest underneath, and a pair of black jeans.

“You look amazing, girl!” Kyle pulled you into a hug and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. The four of you headed towards the bouncer leaning up against the door.

Colleen hurried over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek, which he returned. She spoke to him for a few seconds while glancing back at the three of you, just out of earshot. Then he beckoned you all over and moved out of the way so you could squeeze inside. Colleen stood on her tiptoes to give him another kiss on the cheek, and followed you in, much to the annoyance of the people patiently waiting in line.

“Is this an exclusive spot or something?” you asked Kyle, who had removed his arm from your shoulders to grab the wallet from his back pocket.

“Kind of!” he shouted over the music. “It’s not super exclusive, but it's a little swanky.” He approached the bar to get the bartender’s attention, and then turned back to the three of you, asking what you wanted to drink.

Once you had drinks in hand, the group of you weaved around the clusters of people drinking and chatting until you found a small table to sit down.

The group of you talked loudly over the music, mostly about work, and the crowdedness of the bar. You casually glanced around, sipping on your glass of wine and taking in the beautiful chandeliers above you. The bar itself was long and made from a very dark wood, with leather covered stools pushed up against it, all of them filled with people. There was a big screen tv behind the bartenders that currently was playing some sultry music video you didn't recognize.

You noticed there were staircases on either side of the room that led to another floor, which appeared to be divided up into smaller, partially enclosed rooms. You assumed people much richer than you occupied those rooms with their friends, relying on bottle service rather than waiting at the bar for drinks.

The laughter coming from your friends drew your attention back, your vision getting a little unsteady from the wine. Your cheeks were starting to feel warm as you laughed along with them, watching as Kyle and Colleen stand up to dance to a song that just started.

You were happy Colleen seemed to be in a good mood tonight, watching as Kyle swung her around on the dance floor. Debbie stood up to get herself another drink, but you put your hand out to stop her.

"It's my turn to buy, I'll get it!" You yelled to her. She smiled and relented, reminding you of her drink order as you got up to head to the bar.

You pushed your way through the throngs of people, the place looking even more packed than before. Your head was swimming just slightly, a nice buzz settling in from the two glasses of wine you had. You reminded yourself you should probably stop drinking; it was almost midnight and you had promised yourself your max was two drinks.

You leaned against the bar, waiting to get the attention of one of the bartenders. You found it to be difficult, occasionally reaching a hand out but failing to catch their eye.

Finally, the bartender turned and looked right at you, or you thought he was looking at you, but he was actually looking right over your shoulder. You twisted around and found Joel standing directly behind you, his eyes still on the bartender, and was pointing down, flagging him down for you.

You gazed up at him, admiring up close his strong jaw and his deep brown eyes. Suddenly, you realized you really missed seeing him outside of those meetings. You missed his familiar scent of leather and citrus invading your senses, the electricity you felt when you sat across from him in his office, and... oh shit, you were too tipsy to interact with him right now.

He looked back down at you and smiled, then his gaze dipped down to take in the dress you were wearing, and his smile faltered a bit. He cleared his throat and pointed towards the bartender, who was waiting for your order. You leaned forward on the bar again and yelled your drink order to him, deciding against your better judgement to get another glass of wine.

The bartender disappeared to get your drinks, and you turned your attention back to Joel. He was wearing a dark pair of jeans with a black button-down, which was opened, revealing a plain white t-shirt underneath and clutching a leather jacket in his hand. He looked really good.

"Thank you," you said, trying to collect yourself.

Joel frowned and cupped his hand behind his ear. You stretched on your tiptoes and leaned up towards his him. You left one of your hands on the bar, and the other gently rested on his shoulder so you wouldn't fall.

"Thank you," you repeated so he could hear.

You had never been this close to him before. You absorbed the residual smell of shampoo from his hair, and the whiskey on his breath. You felt him exhale gently on the side of your neck, giving you goosebumps, and you had to bite down on your lip to keep yourself from saying something stupid.

You lowered yourself back down, forgetting you were wearing heels taller than you were used to. You stumbled a bit, but regained your balance quickly since your hand was still planted on the bar. Nonetheless, Joel shot his arm out around your waist and pulled you close, in an effort to keep you from falling, which he realized too late was unnecessary.

Your eyes trailed up his chest to meet his gaze, your lips parting slightly. Joel tensed at the feeling of your body pressed against his. You looked so fucking beautiful in that dress, it was driving him crazy. He had noticed you from his private table on the upper floor. He tried to focus on the people he was with, but he couldn't get his mind off you. When he saw you walking to the bar alone, he found an excuse to leave the table and follow you.

Joel's gaze kept flicking back and forth between your lips and your eyes. You were frozen to the ground, neither of you wanting the embrace to end. An "excuse me!" over the music dragged your attention away from Joel to the other side of the bar. The bartender told you the total as he pushed the two drinks towards you.

Begrudgingly, you untangled yourself from Joel's hold to grab your purse. Joel put his hand over yours to stop you from opening your wallet.

"Put it on my tab!" He shouted at the bartender, who nodded and gave a thumbs up. You looked back up at him with a smile.

"You didn't have to do that!"

He shrugged it off and looked down at what you had ordered. Your wine and Debbie's mixed drink. He cocked his eyebrow at you.

"Two?" he teasingly asked.

You giggled, the alcohol was going straight to your head. You jerked your head back towards your table and explained "Debbie!"

Joel looked in the direction of your table and saw Colleen, a man he barely recognized, and he now remembered Debbie from that night in the conference room.

You scooped up the two drinks from the bar and turned to thank him again, but he stopped you.

"Why don't you give Debbie her drink and we can go someplace quieter?" he said in your ear, making your breath catch in your throat.

If you had been more sober, you would have made an excuse about needing to stay with your friends. You took a sip from your glass, examining Joel's face. You wondered if he had too much to drink. Worried if he had, he would regret spending time alone with you in this type of setting. But he didn't look like he was that drunk, so you gave him a sharp nod and quickly made your way back to your friends.

You handed Debbie her drink and shouted, "I'll be right back, I'm going to get some fresh air!"

"Hold on, I'll come with you, I just have to pee!" Debbie yelled, but you shook your head. "It's alright! You stay here, I won't be long!"

"Are you sure?!"

You nodded firmly and gave a thumbs up, turning around before she could change her mind.

"Be safe!" she shouted as you disappeared into the crowd.

Joel watched you talking to your friends, hidden from them in the thicket of bodies. He wasn't sure what his plan was, he just couldn't let you go yet. He had been waiting for the right time to be honest with you. Maybe tonight, with some liquid courage, was that time.

He eyed your approaching form up and down appreciatively, his gaze lingering on your red heels. He imagined those heels on his shoulders as he thrusted into you, spread out on his bed and moaning his name. He tried to blink the fantasy away as you stopped before him, looking up at him expectantly. One step at a time.

He placed his arm around your shoulders and turned you towards the door. The air was much brisker than when you had arrived a couple hours ago, but you didn't mind. The mixture of alcohol and Joel's body heat was enough.

The two of you walked away from the line of people still waiting to get in. You slowed your pace and leaned back against the bar's cool brick wall, looking up at Joel hazily.

He took a deep breath and rested his arm on the wall above your head, giving you your space but remaining close.

You took another sip from your glass before asking "What're you doing here?"

Realizing it didn't come out how you intended, you added "this bar, I mean. D'you come here a lot?" Your words were beginning to slur.

He shifted his weight and fixed his gaze on something down the street. "It's my birthday tomorrow."

Your jaw dropped and you playfully shoved his shoulder. "I didn't know that! Happy Birthday! I should've been the one to buy you a drink!"

He smirked and brought his gaze down towards you once again.

"Nah, no need, sweetheart. It's not a big deal. Some of the guys at work insisted on bringin' me out tonight. Couldn't do it tomorrow, got plans with Tommy." You gasped at Tommy's name.

"Oh, no, is Tommy here? 'Cause Colleen was really upset earlier-" but Joel cut you off.

"No, he's on a business trip out west. We are lookin' to acquire a company out there, expand our footprint. He's comin' back tomorrow," he assured you.

"Oh, good." You relaxed, still gazing up at Joel. Your eyes trailed along his broad shoulders and chest, which were still partially caging you in. You thought about how it might feel to have his arms wrapped around you, what it would feel like to have his weight pressing against your body. A shiver went down your spine.

Joel noticed. He gently took the glass from your hand and placed it on a ledge nearby. He opened up the leather jacket he had in his other hand, motioning for you to turn around so he could put it on your shoulders. You pushed off against the wall and slowly turned, making sure you didn't stumble. He placed the cool, smooth leather carefully over your bare arms.

"Thank you," you whispered as you turned back to face him. He was looking down at you, desperately searching your eyes for something.

Feeling emboldened by the alcohol, you ran your hand up his stomach and grabbed his collar, pulling him toward you and pressing your mouth firmly on his.

He was stunned for a moment, but responded quickly. The hand that once held his jacket now cupped the side of your face, while his other arm returned to the wall above your head. You had lightly fallen back against the brick and brought both your hands to gently rest on his strong chest.

Strangely, the first thought in your head was of Justin. You were right for breaking up with him. You didn't feel a spark, but with Joel, your whole body felt on fire.

You moaned quietly, and he took that opportunity to deepen your kiss, his tongue slipping past your lips and massaging your own. You could taste a heady combination of whiskey and a hint of spearmint. It was heavenly. He pushed his mouth onto yours with more pressure, as his tongue hungrily increased its pace. You felt dizzy. So many months of buildup finally erupted in this moment. Your hands inched up to grasp his strong shoulders as he lowered himself down a fraction and pushed his upper body against yours. He moaned against your mouth and tightened his hold on your jaw. You felt your lower abdomen flutter and your panties soak with arousal.

A group of girls walked by the pair of you, giggling loudly, bringing you both back to reality. You pulled away gently, keeping your forehead pressed against his as you fought to catch your breath.

You both kept your eyes closed, panting and savoring the moment. Joel was the first to pull away. He looked down at you with heavy-lidded eyes.

"Come home with me," he whispered huskily.

You felt yourself clench at his words, so desperate to say yes. But you didn't want to be drunk your first time with him. You closed your eyes again and tipped your head back against the brick wall.

"I don't think it's a good idea," you whispered back. "I've had too much to drink, and I want to remember."

His breath hitched and his eyes squeezed shut. Fuck, he wanted you so badly. But he knew you were right. He reopened his eyes and looked back down at you, your head resting against the wall, eyelids still shut. He leaned forward, eager to kiss you again, but stopped himself: he knew if he did, he would never stop. So instead, he pushed off the wall and took your hand.

"Lemme get you back to your friends, they gotta be worried 'bout you by now."

You chewed your bottom lip as you reentered the bar, slipping his jacket off and handing it back before your friends could see. Behind you, he whispered in your ear, "You better get home, you got a big meeting with your boss tomorrow."

You turned to react, but he was already rushing back up the stairs towards his private room.

You woke up at 6am to your alarm clock blaring the voices of the local morning radio show. Your head pounded and your mouth was dry. You groaned as you rolled out of bed, quickly sitting back down when you got the spins. You chided yourself for not eating more before going out last night.

You headed to your bathroom, partially listening to the radio show as you peed. You had started to hear something about some infection overrunning hospitals in the area, but you had to turn the noise off before your head exploded.

Thankfully, a shower made you feel so much better. You only had the pounding headache to contend with now. As you applied your makeup, you took note of your swollen lips. Then the night before came rushing back to you. It hadn't been a dream, you really kissed Joel. And he invited you back to his place. Shit.

The hand holding your lipstick hovered above your mouth as you replayed the scene against the brick wall: his hand on your jaw, his tongue in your mouth, the way he tasted, the way he smelled...

You looked at the time. You couldn't dwell on it right now or you were going to miss your train. You snatched your purse from the table by the door, tripping over the hiking backpack you had forgotten to give back to Justin, and you locked your apartment door behind you.

When you walked into the accounting department, you saw Colleen slouched over her desk. She was wearing black pants with a sleeveless white blouse, a noticeable change from her usual pink dresses and skirts. You greeted her and she turned around to give you a weak smile.

"You're super hungover, too, huh?" you joked, setting your things down.

"Ugh, yes. I've never felt this shitty in my life, and I don't think I even had much to drink!"

You examined her face; she looked a lot worse than you felt. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she looked a little sweaty.

"Where did you run off to? When I got back inside, you had already left," you asked.

She perked up a little bit and said, "Oh, I went home with a really cute guy! He was super nice, but something kind of weird happened..."

You gave Colleen your full attention now, concerned. "What was it? Are you ok?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. But he... bit me. On the leg," she whispered. "Kind of hard. He even drew a little blood."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Are you sure you're ok? That sounds strange."

Colleen brushed you off and assured you she was fine, she said she just wasn't expecting it. You shrugged and turned back to your desk. You had more important matters to attend to anyway.

You rummaged around in the supply closet to find a loose piece of blue tissue paper. On your way into work you passed by a newspaper stand. You hardly ever stopped there before, but today you did, remembering it was Joel’s birthday. You looked around on the shelves that were next to the postcards, and you found a little something for him. You quickly wrapped it up in the used tissue paper and set it aside for later. The meeting was at 10am, you had two hours to get your game face on and shake the rest of your hangover.

Your team was already seated in the conference room for at least ten minutes before Joel stormed into the room, a stack of papers in one hand and his cell phone in the other. He didn't look like he was hungover, unlike Colleen who was getting worse by the minute. She was trying to nonchalantly hold her head up with her fist tucked under her chin, staring down at the table.

You chanced a look in Joel's direction once the meeting was underway, but he wouldn't look at you. In fact, he didn't look your way once the entire time. You were beginning to wonder if you had dreamed up what happened last night. Then the paranoia began to set in: what if he was mad at you because you refused to go home with him? He didn't seem that upset when you turned him down, but maybe you didn't notice in your drunken stupor.

The meeting was wrapping up, and he still didn’t cast one glance in your direction. Before he dismissed everyone, he asked Heather if you could bring the quarterly reports up to his office later. He still wouldn’t look at you, just directly at Heather, even when openly talking about you. You furrowed your brow, confused. Heather seemed a bit confused as well, but she assured him you would, looking over at you and nodding.

You got back to your desk, still perplexed about the cold shoulder from Joel. You sifted through the mail that was left for you while everyone was upstairs, and about 20 minutes later, Heather came into the room to give you the reports Joel requested. She reminded you to make copies and bring the originals back to her.

You stood up, shoving the small gift you got for Joel in your pants pocket, when your eyes fell on Colleen again, chugging water and sweating so much her hair was growing damp.

“Colleen! What is going on with you?” you exclaimed, shocked at how much she had deteriorated since that morning.

“Girl, I don’t know, but I need to go home. I think I have a fever, and” she dropped her voice lower, “that bite on my leg looks kind of nasty.”

"Oh my god," you gasped. "I heard on the radio today about some weird infection going around, you might have it! You should go to the ER!”

Colleen nodded but it looked like she was hardly listening to you.

"I just gotta go to the bathroom real quick and then I’m gonna leave. I’ll stop by Heather’s office before I go.”

“Do you need me to bring you anything? I can stop by later with some soup," you offered, but Colleen shook her head.

"I just need to sleep, but thanks," she said.

You parted ways with Colleen, only after promising to stop by this weekend to check on her, and made your way to the copy room before heading up to Joel’s office. Kyle was the only other person in the room when you got there.

“Hey!” you said, excited to see him. "Last night was so much fun!”   

Kyle laughed and agreed.

"I just wish we got to dance together!" he said. "You disappeared outside for so long!”

You giggled, pushing the thoughts of your rendezvous with Joel from your mind, and stretched your arm out to him.

“Better late than never!” you said with a giggle.

Even though there was no music, you both swung each other around the copy room, laughing while Kyle tried, badly, to sing Beyoncé.

You felt like you finally belonged somewhere. So happy you had found some friends, and maybe even something more with Joel. You were actually making it work in New York City, like you always wanted. You giggled as Kyle wrapped his arms around your waist and continued to sing off key.

Joel was heading back from Heather’s office towards the elevator after she assured him that you were already on your way up to his office with the reports he requested. He had tossed and turned all night, replaying your kiss over and over. How soft your lips felt, the taste of the pinot grigio on your tongue, the feel of your fingertips digging into his shoulders… he was glad you had the presence of mind to not come home with him. He didn’t want to rush things with you, he wanted to do things right.

It was hard, but he had to force himself not to look at you during that meeting. If he did, he couldn't be sure if he would be able to hide his feelings for you in front of the whole accounting department. It's been so long since he felt this way about somebody, it was awakening something in him he thought was long gone.

He needed to get you alone. He had decided on a plan to ask you to dinner tomorrow night, and he wasn’t going to try to fuck you on the first date, either. He didn’t know what he was thinking last night – why would he push you like that? He wanted more, and he knew that took time.

He rounded the corner when he heard your beautiful laugh reach his ears. A smile stretched across his face before he could stop it: you just had that effect on him. He peered around the corner and froze at the scene before him.

There you were, with another man, in that fucking copy room, dancing and laughing with his arms around your waist. Joel’s smile quickly faded, and he saw red. His fists clenched at his sides, his anger boiling over.

Before he did something stupid, he marched to the elevator and got into the empty car, punching the number ‘10’ repeatedly, willing the doors to close faster.

Once he was in the safety of his own office with the door shut, he paced around the room replaying the events he had just witnessed. How could he read the situation so wrong? Of course you wouldn’t be interested in him, how could he be so stupid? And in that goddamn copy room, the same place he caught Amy with the CFO of his own fucking company. He was glad he at least refrained from pummeling the guy you were dancing with, unlike that time with Amy when he had nearly put that bastard into the hospital.

He had been so wrapped up in his anger that he didn’t hear his door open and you walk in.

“Joel?” you called out to him sweetly, which just pissed him off even more. How could you jump from one guy to the next without missing a beat?

He whipped around and saw you standing there, reports in one hand and something else clenched in the other one.

He stretched out his hand aggressively, scowl etched on his face.

“Give ‘em to me," he said gruffly.

You faltered for a moment, surprised at the hostility, but stepped forward and handed him the papers, which he all but ripped from your hand. Your smile quickly faded from your lips, the uncertainty settling in.

Shit, he IS pissed you didn’t sleep with him last night.

He sat down at his desk. Without any direction, you sat down nervously in the chair across from him, waiting patiently with his gift hidden in your lap. Maybe he is one of those people who hates their birthday and that's why he was moody. You looked down at your gift and decided if you gave it to him, maybe it would lift his spirits.

You raised your head, opening your mouth about to wish him a happy birthday, but clamped it shut when he suddenly cut you off.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doin’?” he asked darkly, still not looking up from the reports.

You stiffened, not sure what he was referring to. The anger in his tone made you anxious.

"W-what do you mean?”

His eyes shot up to meet yours, icy and hardened.

"You know exactly what I mean, prancin’ around this office every day, screwin’ anything that moves,” he snarled at you. “You think you can add me to your list? Use me, for what? A raise or somethin’? What’s your angle?”

You stared at him, jaw dropped, trying to process what he just said. This can’t be happening. What was going on? Was this about Justin? That was so long ago.

“Close your mouth, sweetheart,” he spat, the term of endearment he so charmingly used to use on you, now filled with hate. "You go use it on someone else, I got no use for a whore.”

You swore in that moment, time stood still. Anything else he said after that, you didn’t hear. Your vision narrowed and your ears were ringing. A whore?

His mouth kept moving, and you kept staring, but you couldn’t hear any of it. You felt your lips and fingers go numb first. Then a buzzing invaded your head and your whole body tensed. Joel continued to growl things in your direction, but none of it got through to you. This was the man that everyone warned you about. This was who he really was. You were foolish to think something else was there. He just wanted to fuck you, just like his brother fucked half the staff, and when you refused, you saw the man for who he really was. A whore?!

“Stop.” You said calmly. Too calmly. And Joel obeyed, taken aback at your response.

“Nobody,” you said, standing up and glaring at him now, “nobody speaks to me that way. Do you understand me?” Joel just stared at you, his eyes still flashing with anger, unsure how to respond.

“I don’t know who you think you are,” you continued, pointing a finger at him, “and personally, I don’t give a shit. I will not sit here and listen to you berate me for absolutely no reason, for a job I could do anywhere else!” Your voice was rising now as you cast your arm out to gesture towards the city behind him.

Joel sat motionless in his chair, listening to your outburst. He was used to people crying, or even yelling obscenities back, but not this.

Your adrenaline was kicking in now, and you began to feel shaky and weak. You needed to leave.

Chest heaving, unblinkingly staring him right in the eye, you quietly said, “Fuck you, Joel. I quit.”

You turned on your heel and headed towards the door, your hands shaking so badly you dropped his birthday gift, but you had to keep walking. You couldn't risk letting him see you cry.

Your instinct was to wait for the elevator, but you were worried he might emerge from his office and see you, so you walked past Ruby's desk to the stairwell. She definitely had overheard some of your argument with Joel. She gawked at you as you walked by her desk briskly, but your eyes were focused straight ahead.

You pushed the door open and nearly ran down to the 6th floor, back to the sanctity of your cubical. You snatched your purse onto your shoulder and hastily grabbed a box from under your desk. Tipping it over to empty it, you threw a few personal effects into the box.

You didn't bother to say anything to Debbie or Kyle, vaguely noting Colleen was already gone, or even Heather. You figured Joel could fill her in himself. What an asshole.

This time you felt safe to wait for the elevator, tears stinging the back of your eyes. Grateful the car opened empty, you lept inside and jabbed the lobby button repeatedly.

You could taste your freedom. You saw the exit, not even registering the security guards rushing past you, weapons drawn. You were focused on leaving this place behind you and thanking the stars above you didn't fall for Joel's seductive trap. At least you still had your dignity.

It must have been lunchtime by now, the streets looked more packed than usual as you marched down the sidewalk. It wasn't until later you realized people were running and screaming. You were so wrapped up in your own drama, you didn't even notice.

That was, until you heard Joel's voice yelling your name.

You thought you hallucinated it, your foolish imagination running away with you again, but you kept hearing it, at least three times now. Your place slowed, and your focus began to come back to the world around you. Why were all these people running?

Suddenly, you felt a strong hand on your shoulder. You turned around, looking up to see Joel's softened expression, gasping from trying to catch up with you.

You frowned, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill down your cheeks. Before you could lash out at him, he spoke.

"Please, just stop and listen to me."

Before he could continue, six trucks filled with FEDRA soldiers pulled up in front of the building, capturing your attention.

They stormed the building, guns drawn, as you watched helplessly. You heard screaming, and then gunshots. You stood frozen to the ground, stunned. Another terrorist attack, your mom was right.

Joel's eyes looked panicked and confused, before he grasped you by your shoulders and forced your attention back on him. He said something to you, but you didn't hear it, still staring at him, dazed.

"Run!" He yelled, again. That time you heard him. You dropped the box in your arms as he grasped your hand in his own, dragging you both down the street, opposite the office building.

Chapter Six

[screaminglygay]

KINKTOBER day 8

pairings: ringmaster!yelena belova x fem!reader

summary: you and yelena are getting ready for a big circus night.

warnings: smut!!!, bootworship, leg humping, yelena being mean, like really mean, slight kicking, yelena is being harsh, not proofread, if anything else let me know

word count: 2.2k

an: she´s so mean i love her, also can we all agree that florence is rocking every look? im so gay, i need her asap, also this is very much dedicated to the one annon, who was really happy that i´m writing yelena, sooo if you´re reading this, i hope you like:)

(italics = your thoughts)

!MDNI!

Enjoy this spooky season and be safe!

As you sit nervously in Yelena's luxurious office, your palms are sweaty and your heart racing, you can't help but feel a surge of anxiety pulsating through your veins. Today is the night of the grandest show, and you are waiting for your boss, Yelena, who is the ringmaster of the most magnificent circus in the whole country. Even though you have to put up with Yelena's severe attitude in order to fulfill your demanding duty as her assistant, it's an honor to be a part of her world. But today, she seems to be acting much more furiously. 

The tension in the room is palpable, and you can't shake off the feeling that tonight's performance is more critical than any that came before. Yelena's office has a harsh professionalism that contrasts dramatically with the vibrant circus outside. Dark-colored walls, a finely polished wooden desk, and leather chairs create a refined and serious atmosphere. The few decorations that adorn the room are carefully selected and maintained. Instead of vivid colors, the office is dominated by shades of deep charcoal gray. 

On the walls, there are a few framed photos displaying new costume ideas and sketches. These costume concepts, though they carry the potential for vibrant and dazzling displays, appear as muted pencil sketches, that she made herself. 

The door to the office swings open, and Yelena enters, her vibrant costume and piercing gaze commanding the attention of the room. Her red and gold attire shimmers under the soft glow of the office lights, her face adorned with black make-up, her hair is slick back, and her overall look screams that she owns this place. And much more... she owns the people here too. 

"Finally," she snaps, her voice as sharp, a growl, and you flinch at the acidic tone that cuts through the room. 

Your racing heart threatens to betray your composure, but you hold your ground, offering a tentative smile. "I'm sorry, Yelena. I was just making sure everything was-" 

She cuts you off with a wave of her hand. "No excuses, just be useful for once. The spotlight is on me tonight, and I will not tolerate any mistakes. Make sure the costumes are in order, the animals are ready, and the performers are sharp. We can't afford to falter." 

Her words sting, and you swallow your pride, nodding obediently. Despite her harsh exterior, you understand that tonight means as much to her as it does to you. The circus is her kingdom, and she is the reigning queen. You cannot help but wonder if her anger is just a shield, a way to cope with the immense pressure she carries on her shoulders. 

You´re in for a long night under Yelena's watchful, unrelenting eye, but it's all part of the mesmerizing, chaotic world of the circus. As the ringmaster departs for her preparations, you steal a glance at the eager audience beyond the office window, ready to be dazzled.  

As Yelena gazes out of the office window onto the bustling circus grounds, her expression remains stern. Her crimson-gloved fingers drum impatiently on the window shelf. With a cool, calculating voice, she turns to you, and says, "The show starts in twenty minutes, and I see you've managed to mess up nearly everything, as usual." 

Your heart sinks, and you find yourself on the receiving end of her relentless critique. It's not uncommon for Yelena to be demanding, but today, her tone cuts deeper, her words more vicious than ever. 

She continues, "The costumes were wrinkled, the animals look dispirited, and the performers have that 'couldn't-care-less' attitude. It's no wonder I had to come and check on you, because you clearly can't be trusted to get anything right." 

You struggle to hold back tears as her words strike like daggers. You have poured your heart and soul into ensuring that everything runs smoothly, but Yelena's critical remarks have the ability to destroy your self-confidence. 

Her piercing gaze remains fixed on you, her face says it right away, no trace of empathy at all. "You're lucky you have a boss like me to catch your countless mistakes. If it weren't for my watchful eye, this circus would have fallen apart long ago. There's no room for error, especially not tonight. Do you understand?" 

As you nod in silence, the weight of her criticism threatens to crush your spirit, but you know that, in this world, in Yelena´s world, perfection is the only standard. With trembling hands you put your fallen hair behind your ears, trying to regain your composure and make sure tonight's performance lives up to Yelena's exacting standards. 

Yelena fixes her gaze on you, her eyes still piercing but with a faint glimmer of something resembling compassion. "You know, I could fire you right now if I wanted to," she says, her tone less venomous but still firm. 

You nod quickly, unable to meet her eyes, "Yes, I know." 

A hint of a cynical smile crosses her lips. "I'm being kinder to you than you deserve, you know," she continues. 

Again, you nod, your voice barely above a whisper, "Yes, I know." 

Yelena sighs, her frustration evident, but there is something in her eyes, that you don´t understand, yet. "You might be a mess, but you're my mess," she admits, almost grudgingly. 

Your heart flutters with a mix of relief as you nod again, saying, "Yes, I know." You understand that, for all her harshness, you occupy a unique place in Yelena's world. In this chaotic, enigmatic circus, you're her right-hand, for better or for worse. 

Yelena glances at the ornate clock on her office wall, a rare hint of anxiety crossing her features. "We have just 15 minutes before the show starts," she says, her tone monotone. 

You dare to seize this fleeting opportunity. "Yelena," you begin hesitantly, "Can you please-" 

She raises an eyebrow, clearly irritated but willing to listen for once. "Go on," she snaps. 

You take a deep breath and finally ask the question that has been lingering in your mind for far too long. "Can I have... can you touch me?" You don´t dare to look into her eyes, “you´ve said that if I´ll be good for the next few weeks, you will let me-” you quickly stop yourself before saying the word, that felt so naughty to you.  

 “Cum?” She smirks, but her composure still stays still. 

You simply just nod. 

“I didn´t say I will let you cum, I´ve said I will think about it,” she tilts her head. “And you think you did such a phenomenal job, that you deserve to be touched by me, let alone cum?” She chuckles. 

“Yes, I do.” You mumble, but it was loud enough for Yelena to hear. 

For a moment, Yelena seemed taken aback, as if your answer wasn't what she was expecting. But she likes you being more confident and direct. Then, with a reluctant nod, she agrees, "You have 13 minutes. Get on your knees,” she said it like it was such a bother to her, which it was in a way. 

You instantly drop to your knees. 

Yelena takes a step closer to you. In that moment, you glance down and notice something – a pair of classic Doc Martens boots on her feet, an elegant choice, they also look very new, so she must have bought them for tonight's occasion.  

Yelena notices your gaze fixated on her boots and a sly idea takes root in her mind. She smirks and, maintaining her stern demeanor, she speaks, "You can get off on my shoe." Your eyes instantly meet hers. Before you can say anything, she adds, “12 minutes.” 

“I-” you don´t even know what you want to say to her. 

“Fine, if you don´t want it, then don´t waste my time.” Yelena turns away, ready to walk out of her office. 

“Wait!” She can feel that you crawl on the floor to grip her leg. 

Yelena just looks down and stops in her tracks, “I´m waiting, but the people are not.” She sighs, “11 minutes.” she once again checks the clock. 

As for Yelena´s request, months ago, you stopped wearing panties, first it was just around or in the office rule, but now it´s been almost four months since you´ve seen your panties.  

You simply raise your skirt and get to work. Being wet around Yelena was basically your main task as her assistant, so none of you are surprised when her new shoe is already covered with your juices. You also didn´t want to waste any more time as you knew very well, she would kick you off of her and leave you there without zero pity.  

So you had to do it quickly, it was a week without her touch and even more time without you being able to cum. Yelena is saying “cumming is too distracting, when you need perfection.” And of course, her little stupid toy can´t do more than one thing at the same time. 

“9 minutes.” Yelena says with something that sounds like disgust in her voice. 

Your hips speed up at her words and your nails digs into her calf, which she won´t admit aloud, but she is enjoying this moment a lot. To have power over someone's life was on her daily basis, but it is different with you. She knew you would do anything for her, even if it meant it would hurt you. 

Many times, she wanted to direct her emotions on something, especially her rage and that was a moment where you´ve volunteered and she knew right away, she's going to keep you as her little stupid punching bag, that she will occasionally award with little touch or maybe an orgasm, when you would behave.  

“7 minutes.”  

You know you have permission to release, but you still want to show her how good you can be. “P-please, may I cum?” you let out soft whimpers. 

“Are you that stupid? Do you want me to write a blessing?” She aggressively moved her shoe up and down, and because Yelena was really strong and her thighs could kill people, it wasn’t hard to lift you up.  

“S-sorry...” you whine out loud this time. 

“Did I tell you to speak?” Her gaze met yours and you immediately look away, bitting your lower lip to stay quiet as possible. 

You continue of rocking your hips, feeling how your clit is getting more sensitive, as her shoe is the perfect material for you to hump.  

“4 minutes.” And with Yelena´s words, you come. Your juices being everywhere, on her shoe, on her pants, on your skirt, on the extremely expensive carpet, just everywhere. 

Yelena looks down on the mess you´ve made and with a big sight she says, "Your incompetence is almost a talent in itself." She moves her feet, and you fall as you´re not even fully back from your strong orgasm.  

“3 minutes.” She is still counting down. But to what? You´ve already came. "Is it too much to ask for a shred of intelligence from you? Apparently, it is." She moves her feet in the air, hoping you will finally get it.  

Still nothing. 

Her patience fading, observes the mess you have made and finally mutters, "The shoe won't clean it itself, you know. Or perhaps you were expecting a miracle?" Her tone, as always, laced with disdain and a hint of mockery, serves as a reminder that in her world, only immediate action and perfection are acceptable. 

Oh.  

You quickly lower yourself as you know that you do not have much time, so you open your mouth and your tongue kitten licks her shoe clean, at least you are trying to. Tasting the mixture of yourself and the leather bring you shivers right to your pussy, as you would want to cum again and again and again-  

“1 minute.” Yelena put her foot in the air, for you to clean even the bottom of her shoe. Now tasting only plastic rubber, which wasn´t the most tasteful thing, but your only wish right now is to do a decent job for Yelena and her satisfaction. 

“Get off.” She put her foot down and inspects your work.  

Yelena inspects the work you've completed, and after a long pause, she remarks, "Well, it's not a bad job. I might be a little impressed." 

Your eyes light up with excitement, and you ask, "Really?" 

Yelena smirks and adds with a hint of sarcasm, "Oh, don't get too carried away. I did say 'a little,' after all. We wouldn't want you to think you've achieved mastery, now would we?" 

Coming from Yelena herself, not on paper, but in person, this is a compliment. 

 Yelena continues, "Next time, I expect you will do without being told what to do, a concept known as 'initiative,' in case you're unfamiliar." 

She smirks, "But then again, I wouldn't want to deprive you of the joy of my guidance, would I?" 

Yelena turns to leave, her Doc Martens shoes thudding against the floor with an air of firm authority. She strides toward the circus arena, ready to show the world once more, who the true master of the show is. 

Ahhh so what do we think?

Also thank youuu for reading!! 💕💕

[murdockbarnes]

saree not saree

pairing: lily evans x desi fem!reader

summary: helping lily put on a saree for the first time.

wordcount: 672 words

warnings: 18+ minors do not interact. SEXUAL TENSION!! they're gay your honour!!!, pining, fluff, awkwardness

A/N: this thought popped into my head and would not let me sleep. reader is desi and there is no mention of which country so as to be more inclusive.

any feedback would be greatly appreciated. have a great day!

*not edited, all mistakes are mine*

it took lily little convincing to attend your family function with you. cultural food, cultural clothes, and a sleepover with her best friend rolled into one? count her in!

but as much as she loved sarees (especially seeing you in them), she would need all your help and then some to be able to wear it properly.

with your own saree done, you look over and see lily holding hers.

"here, let me help." you said, stepping closer to lily.

"oh yes, please thank god," she said with a chuckle. you smiled back in response, taking hold of the saree now. you see her petticoat is much too lose to be able to the saree and tell her it needs to be more snug.

"may i?" you ask, gesturing to the petticoat, and she nods.

you take the string to tighten the petticoat, untying it and praying your bent head hides how warm your cheeks have gotten. as you work on retying it to a snugger fit, your knuckles brush the soft skin of lily's skin, and you miss the way her breath hitches and her cheeks redden.

you tuck one end of the saree into the petticoat, trying to use the very tips of your fingers to do so while still making sure it's secure enough. when you finish pleating and tuck it in, your fingers sliding between lily's skin and petticoat, just below her belly button, you see her breath hitch and goosebumps rise all over her skin. you finally look up, now eyelevel with her heaving chest, and your eyes slowly pan over to her face as red as her hair.

her eyes are wide, filled with... panic? and if you weren't concerned about her and hypervigilant of the slightest of her motions, you would have missed the quick glance at your lips.

with your hands still around her hips, gently tracing the edge of the petticoat, and therefore her skin, you rise to your full height. you two are close enough to feel each other's breaths, and you can practically taste the sweets she had earlier. still looking into her wide eyes, you take the saree and drape it over her shoulder, pinching the fabric in the small space between your bodies to adjust it over her chest, careful not to touch. lily hopes you fail to notice the fresh wave of goosebumps, but you do.

with careful hands, you tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, fingers coming back to cradle lily's jaw.

"tell me to stop, lily," you breathe out in a whisper, lips inches from hers, "tell me to stop if you don't want this."

she glances back down at your lips. "i don't want you to."

and before you can react, you feel her fingers wrap around the back of your neck and her lips on yours. it's soft at first, slow and sweet, but it slowly grows in urgency as her fingers tangle in your hair, trailing over your shoulders and chest to finally rest low on your back. you can do nothing but go with the flow, hands in lily's hair, surprised because you hadn't thought she had kissed a girl before. out of breath, you both slowly break apart, foreheads still together.

"not bad for my first time kissing a girl, huh?" lily says a bit breathlessly. she feels warm all over her body, heart thudding against her chest. but simultaneously, there's a comforting feeling, like warm honey coating her from head to toe. it's a heady feeling, she won't lie.

"hmm, maybe you could do with some practice, though," you joke, giving her a quick peck or two. "we have to go now though, or we'll be late and all the sweets will be gone."

"after all, we have all the time in the world to figure it out." lily's smile bright as she says so. she takes your hand out the door, and she'll follow it just about anywhere.

after all, what's better than a best friend?

[mjjune]

My Projects Tag List

Hello all! I am new here and I'm realizing that people have tag lists for their projects so I figured I should too lol

I will not be posting the full works, however I will post snippets, aesthetics, commissioned art, mood boards, responses to ask/tag games, etc.

If you would like to be tagged for one or both of these works, please reply, like, or comment with this post. Or you can just reblog with #boost if you don't want to be added but want to share. For general likes/reblogs, if you don't specify which one, I'll assume you want to be tagged for both. Also feel free to message me!

Note: While I consider both projects "adult", there is no smut or excessively graphic violence in any of my works. Common sense rating would be 15/16+. There is some steam (and one implied handjob lol) in AVOF but otherwise it's all SFW and minors are welcome to read!

A Vision of Fire

Status: Complete (2nd book editing) Genre: queer paranormal fantasy; duology Rep: unlabeled genderqueer/queer asian mc, cis lesbian mc, cis gay latino love interest, multiple latinx, black and jewish supporting roles

When an ancient vampire breaks a sacred code and falls into bed with a werewolf, the affair accidentally reveals supernatural creatures to the human public. As media tensions, protests, and riots rise across the country, the vampire must choose: risk everything to save a werewolf, or hunt down the rarest creature in the world in hopes to prevent war.

Queer Red Riding Hood Retelling (title in progress)

Status: Outlining/worldbuilding - nanowrimo 2022 Genre: queer fantasy, fairytale retelling; standalone Rep: (tentatively) trans woodsman, 3/3 ace mcs, 2/3 poc mcs; queer/poc supporting roles

The Woodsman didn't mean rescue Red. He was in the right place at the right time, and was deemed a hero. Ten years later, The Wolf returns for Red, and the Woodsman is tasked with defeating the monster. But as he tracks the beast, he begins to realize The Wolf isn't what it seems, and maybe, he shouldn't have ever interfered. Maybe, he shouldn't have saved Red at all.

Added folks below:

Both: @diemohnblume @wildswrites @little-mouse-gardens @lexiklecksi @eventideintrigue

AVOF only:

Red Riding Hood only:

[theworldisyourlobster]

A siesta, short and muy picante

She asked me why I hadn’t written about Barcelona. I did, I answered.

I wrote notes and scribbles and remembered tastes and smells of sweat.  

But I had got busy,

getting knocked off a bike or drinking Perrier or the jumping the metro barriers.  

I had spend evenings cold outside, and nights too hot in the cesspit of an inside smoking area.

Weeks ago, Paris was cold and dark when I left in the morning at 4.

And then mon avion landed dans Espagne.

In Barcelona it was humid and grey.  Here I felt hot and wet and heavy as I walked in the big roads in straight lines that map this city. Gothic and sleepy, at 9am Barcelona had not yet wiped the crusts from its eyes.

  Past the Gaudi, with its insect like spines and still breathing fresh was beautiful and made me feel sick.   I remember the restaurant where 4 years ago, my family sat on the perfect set for an argument.  There was tiredness, heat, sweat and hunger, little spats teeming towards tension - add in a boyfriend to witness the Hudson downfall.  This was the 5th menu we had looked at.  I feared we would walk forever.  Paella and tapas bla, bla.  An obvious tourist trap.  And then the waiter did something maybe wrong or maybe not, I think that Phil then slapped him… Seeking justice for late sangria and steak.  I smiled as I remembered a chair flying.  

But now I was alone here, trying to find people I had left.  My English knights had become Hidalgo. On two hours sleep  in a cafe I shared a freshly painted round green table outside, with two others who were either reading or like me pretending to read while really watching.  With my espresso I tapped away perfectly content to be mistaken for somebody important or cultured.  I wanted to buy some cigarettes.  Finding my nearest tabac I confidently demanded un pac des vogues sil’vous’plait, commanding my self on my pronunciation.  The issue was it I was in the wrong country. Muy Bien.   Cigarettes are only 5 euros but I miss my vogues.

They speak Catalan and Spanish, and a mix of both. Language is always political, especially in a place with a choice of two.  It can be whispered between lovers, or sung rolling its r’s by the lonely and heartbroken.  It can be learnt and changed and it can mean more than just its words.

Back in the cafe a pair has joined my table (I have established ownership having now sat here the longest.  

Por favour signor, Gracia seniora, si si muchacho

Here it is cheap and fruit is soft and home grown in the sun.  

Minutes elongated into endless swimming through the thick air towards the endlessly reconstructed Sagrada Familia.  Where were my gays? Finally as I stood in a rickety lift I heard voices I knew.  Having been awake for for around 40 hours I was living in a dream.  My friends, Amigas si?

And they were here and they were beautiful and taking me to tapas.

 Salty and sweet, sardines, olives cheeses and anchovies on little slices of bread  served on little slabs and there I was sipping cold sweet red vermouth. Red wine is Vino Tinto.  Here they don’t drink top water, and the bartender knows no English, but the slabs keep coming, vehicles for brine.  

At the supermarket or mercado the Spanish mock the French, brandishing a XXL croissants.  We buy booze and food and I chop everything up all nice and small and anxious while my Spanish compadresitas siesta.

Barcelona is a slow way of life, no jobs, a gothic siesta city. Muy picante. Clubs are big, but in the one queer room I finally find my place at the front of the crowd. I understand when my ears hurt, and the smoking area is a sloped. A hungover walk where you pay for good times and pass  thin iced buildings and men on hoverboards and you get crisps with beer and can’t get a table for just drinks.  You watch the crows and boys playing football and sit on a bench with B.

2 days of siesta in Spain and I said my adios and I landed back in Paris. My empty backpack now laden with too many books that cost too much, I had had a bought of excessively buying Didoin .

 It was grey it was cold and I walked from les Halles, past fruit stalls and rotissery chickens and fish vendors and everything was too expensive, and everyone spoke French, and queued outside boulangerie for their baguette.

 It was Sunday and I saw some shit on the street.  I knew was in Paris.  

[katyahudsonn]

A siesta, short and muy picante

She asked me why I hadn’t written about Barcelona. I did, I answered. 

 I wrote notes and scribbles and remembered tastes and smells of sweat.   

But I had got busy, 

getting knocked off a bike or drinking Perrier or the jumping the metro barriers.  

I had spend evenings cold outside, and nights too hot in the cesspit of an inside smoking area. 

Weeks ago, Paris was cold and dark when I left in the morning at 4. 

And then mon avion landed dans Espagne. 

In Barcelona it was humid and grey.  Here I felt hot and wet and heavy as I walked in the big roads in straight lines that map this city. Gothic and sleepy, at 9am Barcelona had not yet wiped the crusts from its eyes.

   Past the Gaudi, with its insect like spines and still breathing fresh was beautiful and made me feel sick.   I remember the restaurant where 4 years ago, my family sat on the perfect set for an argument.  There was tiredness, heat, sweat and hunger, little spats teeming towards tension - add in a boyfriend to witness the Hudson downfall.  This was the 5th menu we had looked at.  I feared we would walk forever.  Paella and tapas bla, bla.  An obvious tourist trap.  And then the waiter did something maybe wrong or maybe not, I think that Phil then slapped him… Seeking justice for late sangria and steak.  I smiled as I remembered a chair flying.  

But now I was alone here, trying to find people I had left.  My English knights had become Hidalgo. On two hours sleep  in a cafe I shared a freshly painted round green table outside, with two others who were either reading or like me pretending to read while really watching.  With my espresso I tapped away perfectly content to be mistaken for somebody important or cultured.  I wanted to buy some cigarettes.  Finding my nearest tabac I confidently demanded un pac des vogues sil’vous’plait, commanding my self on my pronunciation.  The issue was it I was in the wrong country. Muy Bien.   Cigarettes are only 5 euros but I miss my vogues. 

They speak Catalan and Spanish, and a mix of both. Language is always political, especially in a place with a choice of two.  It can be whispered between lovers, or sung rolling its r’s by the lonely and heartbroken.  It can be learnt and changed and it can mean more than just its words. 

Back in the cafe a pair has joined my table (I have established ownership having now sat here the longest.  

 Por favour signor, Gracia seniora, si si muchacho

Here it is cheap and fruit is soft and home grown in the sun.  

Minutes elongated into endless swimming through the thick air towards the endlessly reconstructed Sagrada Familia.  Where were my gays? Finally as I stood in a rickety lift I heard voices I knew.  Having been awake for for around 40 hours I was living in a dream.  My friends, Amigas si?

And they were here and they were beautiful and taking me to tapas.

  Salty and sweet, sardines, olives cheeses and anchovies on little slices of bread  served on little slabs and there I was sipping cold sweet red vermouth. Red wine is Vino Tinto.  Here they don’t drink top water, and the bartender knows no English, but the slabs keep coming, vehicles for brine.  

At the supermarket or mercado the Spanish mock the French, brandishing a XXL croissants.  We buy booze and food and I chop everything up all nice and small and anxious while my Spanish compadresitas siesta. 

 Barcelona is a slow way of life, no jobs, a gothic siesta city. Muy picante. Clubs are big, but in the one queer room I finally find my place at the front of the crowd. I understand when my ears hurt, and the smoking area is a sloped. A hungover walk where you pay for good times and pass  thin iced buildings and men on hoverboards and you get crisps with beer and can’t get a table for just drinks.  You watch the crows and boys playing football and sit on a bench with B. 

2 days of siesta in Spain and I said my adios and I landed back in Paris. My empty backpack now laden with too many books that cost too much, I had had a bought of excessively buying Didoin .

  It was grey it was cold and I walked from les Halles, past fruit stalls and rotissery chickens and fish vendors and everything was too expensive, and everyone spoke French, and queued outside boulangerie for their baguette.

  It was Sunday and I saw some shit on the street.  I knew was in Paris.  

[marvelgeeklikestowrite]

Okay so I recently finished reading Red White and Royal Blue and I am freaking in love with it.

Some of my favourite bits from the book (spoilers):

1. "So is that what’s happening now?” Alex says “Has he decided to finally shut me up by wooing my sister?”

“Aw, little buddy,” Nora says “It’s cute how you think everything is about you.”

“It should be, honestly.”

“That’s the spirit.”

2.Alex still doesn’t really know what kept drawing him back, only that he would sneak into June’s room and find the page and touch his fingertips to the boy’s hair as if he could somehow feel its texture if he imagined it hard enough.

Alex, honey, I don't know how to tell you this but that sounds kinda gay.

3. “Am I offending you? Sorry, I’m not obsessed with you like everyone else. I know that must be confusing for you.”

“Do you know what?” Henry says. “I think you are.”

Alex’s mouth drops open, while the corner of Henry’s turns smug and almost a little mean.

“Only a thought,” Henry says, tone polite. “Have you ever noticed I have never once approached you and have been exhaustively civil every time we’ve spoken? Yet here you are, seeking me out again.” He takes a sip of his champagne.

“Simply an observation.”

“What? I’m not—” Alex stammers. “You’re the—”

“Have a lovely evening, Alex,” Henry says tersely and turns to walk off.

Again Alex read the para before. You are obsessed with him, mijo.

4. He hears Henry mutter slowly, “Oh my fucking Christ.” He registers dimly that it’s the first time he’s ever heard the prince swear before the flash from someone’s camera goes off.

Sweetie, you just caused an international incident. Maybe worry about your crush, sorry arch-nemesis later?

5. “As your mother, I can appreciate that maybe this isn’t your fault, but as the president, all I want is to have the CIA fake your death and ride the dead-kid sympathy into a second term.”

Dear God, this whole family is dramatic 😂

6.“Look,” Zahra says, “Both sides need to come out of this looking good, and the only way to do that is to make it look like your little slap-fight at the wedding was some homoerotic frat bro mishap, okay? So, you can hate the heir to the throne all you want, write mean poems about him in your diary, but the minute you see a camera, you act like the sun shines out of his dick and you make it convincing.”

Zahra is the icon, the moment.

7. Nora says. “Sworn enemies forced to make peace to settle tensions between their countries? There’s something totally Shakespearean about it.``

“Shakespearean in that hopefully I’ll get stabbed to death,” Alex says.

Maybe if you ask Zahra nicely she'll do it for you.

8. Hey, what do you think Zahra put on my fact sheet?”

“Hmm,” Nora says, sucking her teeth. “Favorite summer Olympic sport: rhythmic gymnastics—”

“I’m not ashamed of that.”

“Favorite brand of khakis: Gap.”

“Listen, they look best on my ass. The J. Crew ones wrinkle all weird. And they’re not khakis, they’re chinos. Khakis are for white people.”

“Allergies: dust, Tide laundry detergent, and shutting the fuck up.”

“Age of the first filibuster: nine, at SeaWorld San Antonio, trying to force an orca wrangler into early retirement for, quote, ‘inhumane whale practices.’”

“I stood by it then, and I stand by it now.”

More of June and Nora roasting the shit out of Alex.

9. “I’m going to throw up on you,” Alex says as soon as Henry is close enough to hear him.

“Hello, Alex,” Henry says. “You look …sober.”

“Only for you, Your Royal Highness,” he says

“You’re too kind,” Henry says.

“This is idiotic,” Alex says, grasping Henry’s hand, “Let’s get it over with.”

“I’d rather be waterboarded,” Henry says. His eyes are big and soft and blue, and

he desperately needs to be punched in one of them. (sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth) “Your Country could probably arrange that.”

Alex throws his head back and laughs handsomely, loud and false. “Go fuck yourself.”

“Hardly enough time,” Henry says

10. He finds Luna in his office, horn-rimmed reading glasses doing nothing to detract from his usual appearance of a movie star who tripped and fell sideways into politics. Alex has always suspected the soulful brown eyes and perfectly groomed stubble and dramatic cheekbones won back any votes Luna lost by being both Latino and openly gay.

How this boy ever thought he was anything but bi surmounts me

11. He clutches his chest. “You wound me.”

“You exhaust me.”

“I enchant you.”

“I’ll call security.”

“Fair enough.”

Luna and Alex <3

12. It’s meticulously scheduled by Shaan, with whom Alex is slightly obsessed, especially when

Henry texts him things like, Did I tell you Shaan has a motorbike? or Shaan is on the phone with Portugal.

Zahra would concur with Alex’s obsession with Mr. Shaan Srivastava

13 Alex rolls his eyes and sends back, the harrowing struggle of managing the empire’s blood money.

Henry’s response comes a minute later.

That was actually the crux of the meeting—I’ve tried to refuse my share of the crown’s money. Dad left us each more than enough, and I’d rather cover my expenses with that than the spoils of, you know, centuries of genocide. Philip thinks I’m being ridiculous.

14. Alex: “Put the turkeys in my room.”

Also, Alex: That night, as Alex stares into the cold, pitiless eyes of a prehistoric beast of prey, he has a few regrets.

THEY KNOW, he texts Henry. THEY KNOW I HAVE ROBBED THEM OF FIVE-STAR ACCOMMODATIONS TO SIT IN A CAGE IN MY ROOM, AND THE MINUTE I TURN MY BACK THEY ARE GOING TO FEAST ON MY FLESH.

15 . “Um,” he says. “How do you get a turkey to gobble?”

“Try gobbling,” Henry says, “and see if he gobbles back.”

Alex blinks. “Are you serious?”

“We hunt loads of wild turkeys in the spring,” Henry says sagely. “The trick is to get into the mind of the turkey.”

“How the hell do I do that?”

“So,” Henry instructs. “Do as I say. You have to get quite close to the turkey, like, physically.”

Alex leans toward the wire bars. “Okay.”

“Make eye contact with the turkey. Do you have it?”

Alex follows Henry’s instructions in his ear “Yeah.”

“Right, now hold it,” Henry says. “Connect with the turkey, earn the turkey’s trust ... befriend the turkey...”

“Okay...”

“Buy a summer home in Majorca with the turkey...”

“Oh, I fucking hate you!” Alex shouts as Henry laughs at his own idiotic prank and his indignant flailing startles a loud gobble out of Cornbread, which in turn startles a very unmanly scream out of Alex. “Goddammit! Did you hear that?”

“Sorry, what?” Henry says. “I’ve been stricken deaf.”

16. “I thought you’d kill me in a more personal way. Silk pillow over my face, slow and gentle suffocation. Just you and me. Sensual.”

“Ha. Well.” Henry coughs.

Alex, please. You are killing him!

17. “Oh my God, this is like all those romantic comedies where the girl hires a male escort to pretend to be her wedding date and then falls in love with him for real.”

“That is not at all what this is like.”

18. “Look, you should have invited him yourself!” June says, “It’s really nice you’re making friends who aren’t us. Remember last year when Nora and I were both out of the country for a week, and you almost got a tattoo?”

“I still think we should have let him get a tramp stamp.”

“It wasn’t going to be a tramp stamp,” Alex says hotly. “You were in on this, weren’t you?”

“You know I love chaos,” Nora tells him serenely.

“I have friends who aren’t y’all,” Alex says.

“Who, Alex?” June says. “Literally who?”

Jeez Nora, don’t call him out like that.

19.He has maybe wanted to kiss Henry for a while. As in, probably this whole time.

He ticks off another list in his head. Henry. Shaan. Liam. Han Solo. Rafael Luna and his loose collars.

Finally Alex's brain has decided to join the program.

20. “Do you mind?” Henry has the nerve to say.

“Shut your face,” Alex says

“You’re not going to kill him, are you?” she says.

“Probably not,” Alex tells her.

“What on God’s earth are you doing?” Henry demands.

“Shut up, shut all the way up, oh my God,” Alex hisses.

“Should we—”

“What?”

“I mean, er, should we, I dunno, slow down?” Henry says, cringing so hard at himself that one eye closes. “Go for dinner first, or—”

Alex is actually going to kill him.

“We just had dinner.”

“Right. I meant—I just thought—”

“Stop thinking.”

“Yes. Gladly.”

“I’m going to die,” Henry says helplessly.

“I’m going to kill you,” Alex tells him.

“Yes, you are,” Henry agrees.

21.“I don’t suppose you’ll be anywhere near Kensington anytime soon?”

“That shithole?” he says with a wink. “Not if I can help it.”

“Oi,” Henry says. He’s grinning now. “That’s disrespect of the crown, that is. Insubordination. I’ve thrown men in the dungeons for less.”

Alex turns, walking backward toward the car, hands in the air. “Hey, don’t threaten me with a good time.”

22. “Hey, Henry, say the name of the house you’re staying at again.”

Pez turns the camera to catch Henry in a half smile.

“Llwynywermod.”

“One more time.”

“Llwynywermod.”

Alex groans. “Jesus.”

Alex is whipped.

23. O,fathers of my bloodline! O, ye kings of olde! Take this crown from me, bury me in my ancestral soil. If only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when American boys with chin dimples are mean to him.

Alex is not the only one who is dramatic.

24 . He notices David Beckham in a well-tailored suit—once again, how had he convinced himself he was straight?

We have been asking that question all along Alex.

25. He snatches a shirt and boxers at random from the floor, shoves them at Henry’s chest, and points him toward the closet. “Get in there.”

“Quite,” he observes.

“Yes, we can unpack the ironic symbolism later. Go,” Alex says, and Henry does.

26. Ellen: Finally my son is not going to cause any international incidents

Alex: " I kind of … met somebody.”

“It’s, uh,” he interrupts her. “It’s Henry.”

“Henry…?”

“Yeah, Henry.”

“Henry, as in … the prince?”

“Yes.”

“Of England?”

“Yes.”

“So, not another Henry?”

“No, Mom. Prince Henry. Of Wales.”

27. The first slide says: SEXUAL EXPERIMENTATION WITH FOREIGN MONARCHS: A GRAY AREA. Alex wonders if it’s too late to swan dive off the roof.

EXPLORING YOUR SEXUALITY: HEALTHY, BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE WITH THE PRINCE OF ENGLAND? She apologizes for not having time to come up with better titles. Alex actively wishes for the sweet release of death.

The one after is: FEDERAL FUNDING, TRAVEL EXPENSES, BOOTY CALLS, AND YOU.

28. “Sorry,” Henry says. “I was looking for someone else.Handsome, petulant, short, not pleasant until after ten a.m.? Have you seen him?”

“Fuck off, five-nine is average.”

"You and I both know you’re rounding up.”

29. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Henry says. “Christ, Alex. The whole bloody time.”

“The whole time?”

“Since the Olympics.”

“The Olympics?” Alex yanks Henry’s pillow out from under him. “But that’s, that’s like—”

“Yes, Alex, the day we met, nothing gets past you, does it?” Henry says, reaching to steal the pillow back. “‘What about you,’ he says, as if he doesn’t know—”

“Shut your mouth,” Alex says, grinning like an idiot.

Idiots, both of them.

30. He asked why I was so intent on disrespecting the traditions of the men of this family, and I truly think I dissociated straight (ha) out of the conversation, because I opened my blasted mouth and said, “Because I’m not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip.”

Eat shit Philip. Go Henry!

31. “I am your mother. I was your mother before I was ever the president, and I’ll be your mother long after, to the day they put me in the ground and beyond this earth. You are my child."

I fucking love Ellen Claremont, first woman President of the United States of America

32 . “Look, I’m only going to say this once, and if you ever repeat it, I’ll have you kneecapped.” She drops her hand, fixing him with a glare that manages to be both chilly and fond. “I’m rooting for you, okay?”

“Wait. Zahra. Oh my God. I just realized. You’re … my friend.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Zahra, you’re my mean friend.”

“Am not.”

Aww Zahra, you care for him! Alex I know you are happy about it but maybe don't tick her off when you have royally fucked up?

33."You can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse,Philip. I’m done.”

Philip deserves a punch to his stupid face.

33. “So, uh,” Alex attempts. “Are you two in a fight now?”

Zahra looks at him. “No. Why would you think that?”

“Oh. I just thought because—”

“It’s fine,” Shaan says, still typing on his iPhone. “This is why we set rules about the personal-slash-professional lines at the outset of the relationship. It works for us.”

“If you want a fight, you should have seen it when I found out he had known about you two all along,” Zahra says. “Why do you think I got a rock this big?”

“It usually works for us,” Shaan amends.

“Yep,” Zahra agrees. “Plus, we banged it out last night.” Without looking up, Shaan meets her hand in a high five.

They deserve their own book!

34. “Nobody’s saying you don’t deserve to be happy,” Philip cuts in. “First love makes everyone mad—it’s foolish to throw away your future because of one hormonal decision based on less than a year of your life when you were barely in your twenties.”

Henry looks Philip square in the face and says, “I’ve been gay as a maypole since the day I came out of Mum, Philip.”

Again fuck Philip! And damn H!

35. “Of course they do, Mum. Of course the bloody Tories in Kensington and the Brexit fools don’t want it. That’s not the point. Are you so determined to believe nothing could change?

That nothing should change? We can have a real legacy here, of hope, and love, and change. Not the same tepid shite and drudgery we’ve been selling since World War II—”

“You will not speak to me this way,” Queen Mary says icily,

“No respect. Never an ounce of respect for the sanctity—”

“Or, perhaps I should bring some of my concerns to Parliament?” Catherine says, leaning in to lower her voice right in Queen Mary’s face. “You know, I do think Labour is rather finished with

the old guard. I wonder, if I were to mention those meetings you keep forgetting about, or the names of countries you can’t quite keep straight, if they might decide that forty-seven is perhaps enough years for the people of Britain to expect you to serve?”

The tremor in the queen’s hand has doubled. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wouldn’t I, Mum? Would you like to find out? “Look at them, Mum. They’re not props of a legacy. They’re my children. And I swear on my life, and Arthur’s, I will take you off the throne before I will let them feel the things you made me feel.”

Catherine is amazing. The breakdown of the British monarchy in this book is a joy to read.

36. “Ellen,” Nora practically yells. The room goes silent, and Nora freezes, realizing. “Uh. Ma’am. Mom-in-law. Please, just. You need to read this.”

Nora saves the day!

37. “You are,” he says, “the absolute worst idea I’ve ever had.”

38.“Alex,” Henry tells him, “I can’t move to New York.”

Bea looks up. “Why not?”

“Because I’m the prince of—” Henry looks over at her and gestures at the Orangery, at Kensington, sputtering. “Here!”

Wow H, quite the Wordsworth.

39.“So … you’re afraid of wearing anything too flashy for your first post-coming-out trip home, on account of Texans’ delicate hetero sensibilities?”

Why is Nora fictional?

40. History, huh? Bet we could make some.

41. Do you feel forever about him?

42. "That’s the choice. I love him, with all that, because of all that. On purpose. I love him on purpose.”

43.I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen, and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire.

And then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. Can you believe it?

44. “I want you—”

“Then fucking have me.”

45. If there’s any legacy for me on this bloody earth, I want it to be true.

46. As a kid, he dreamed of love like it was a fairytale, as if it would come sweeping into his life on the back of a dragon one day. When he got older, he learned about love as a strange thing that could fall apart no matter how badly you wanted it, a choice you make anyway. He never imagined it’d turn out he was right both times.

[dustedmagazine]

Ethel Cain—Preacher’s Daughter (Daughters of Cain)

Photo by Helen Kirbo

Ethel Cain’s swampy, smouldery second full-length feels the pull of Jesus and the pull of sex and danger with nearly equal weight, and you can imagine the artist Hayden Anhedönia’s slender frame on rack, being torn apart by their opposing forces. Likewise, Anhedönia pines for pop diva-hood and bracing classic country self-revelation, her voice whispering smoke and murder, while the reverbed drums boom and the synths swell glossily behind her. Preacher’s Daughter is as good an encapsulation of red state America as you’ll find this year, with its broken families, its bleak economic realities, its primitive pieties and its cheap plastic ideas of romance.

Anhedönia grew up in fundamentalist west Florida, steeped in its Christian culture but also separated from it by the fact that she was gay; later she came out as a trans woman. She left for Tallahassee and lost her way, slipping into a vortex of drugs and despair. She created the persona Ethel Cain just after she turned 20. She began experimenting with a reverb-echoing form of choral music (she still loves reverb) in 2019, with a self-released collection of songs called Carpet Bed in September, followed by the Golden Age EP in December. She recorded her dream pop Inbred in 2020, in a converted church where she lived in Richmond, Indiana. Preacher’s Daughter is larger and more ambitious than any of these previous recordings, with a 13-song, 76-minute epic arc tracing a path towards damnation.  

It begins with the disc’s most god-obsessed song, “Family Tree (Intro),” which begins in a mutter about the sanctity of motherhood, pokes at the scars left by a religious childhood and builds, ultimately, into a synthy swirling climax. But no matter how big and disco-glitzy the song becomes, Anhedönia’s voice remains at the center of it, hoarse and raw and well acquainted with evil, no matter how much emo drama you surround it with. 

The single “American Teenager” is, to my ears, the least interesting of these songs. It’s the closest to unadulterated pop, though its wide-angle vocals and splintering guitars frame verses in which the pieties of patriotism and religion are considered and ripped apart. “And Jesus, if you’re there, why do I feel alone in this room with you,” keens the singer, more heartbroken here than she’ll be later when she sings about romantic betrayal and personal destruction. 

This is an artist who likes to spin out her songs, letting their slow, doom-y textures unfold over seven, eight or even ten minutes. It’s not always apparent, as in “Thoroughfare,” why the song needs to run for as long as it does. There’s a fair amount of repetition and feigned endings. Yet “House in Nebraska,” at 7:47, seems exactly as long as it needs to be to let the widely spaced piano chords stake out their epic territory, to let Anhedönia’s ravaged, heart-sick murmur hit its mark. She’s at home wondering if another self-destructive lover is still out there somewhere, but realizing that “you might never come back home, and i may never sleep at night/but god i just hope you’re doing fine out there, i just pray that you’re all right.” “Western Nights” also celebrates the more desperate varieties of love, a low-rent scenario where neighbors are always pounding on the walls. It has some of Springsteen’s epic, common man bravado, but from a female perspective and pitched a bit lower on the economic ladder. Sings Anhedönia, “He’s never looked more beautiful/on his Harley in the parking lot/breaking into the ATMs/sleeping naked when it gets too hot.” 

Preacher’s Daughter is a concept album, with an overarching narrative about slipping from grace, but where the conventional story might turn up from the bottom, Ethel Cain continues in a downward direction. “Gibson Girl” is a Pentacostal “W.A.P.,” seething with sexual tension and thumping with an R&B beat, but it doesn’t exactly celebrate sexual empowerment. No, it pulls you further down the drain, leading you towards the hellish noise of “Ptolomea,” which buzzes with flies and groans like the damned. Three more songs follow, giving a bit of sonic respite, but no one gets saved in “Preacher’s Daughter.” “God loves you, but not enough to save you/so baby girl, good luck taking care of yourself,” she sings, clear-eyed and desolate and on her own. 

Jennifer Kelly

[shonithewilds]

Shelby x Toni Fic Rec Friday #2

MULTI-CHAPTER WIP

Can I Take Your Picture? by simpinisahabit (M) 10/? Toni Shalifoe is a 20-something, very successful, freelance photographer living in New York City. When her friend, up-and-coming actress Fatin Jadmani, invites her out to Los Angeles for a Halloween party, she meets Fatin's co-star Shelby Goodkind and her world is turned upside down.

Road Gets Hard (You Get Lost) by clarkedarling (T) 11/? Toni felt the box start to slip through her grip, and feared the worst; that the box would drop and the new records would shatter on the tiled floor, hundreds of dollars worth of stock wasted. However, luck was on her side. The customer who had stepped in after the boys rushed over, as quick as a dog on spilt food, and caught the box in his arms. “Good catch,” she said, a wave of relief rushing over her. Looking up at her saviour, she feared her every organ had shut down; her breath hitched in her throat, her heart stopped, her feet felt glued to the ground. The customer whom she had been so quick to dismiss was in fact Shelby Goodkind, world renowned country singer and lesbian icon. Or, Notting Hill AU.

These Feelings (They Keep Running the Red) by tnr92 (T) 10/? Toni's still recovering from a breakup with Regan when Shelby Goodkind decides to come out--by asking Toni to pose as her date and her girlfriend for her parents and their classmates.

MULTI-CHAPTER COMPLETE

Dumb Little Gay Babies by mother_bread  (T) 4/4 Shelby needs help flirting with girls. Toni needs to pass liberal arts math. They both harbor oblivious crushes because they're dumb gay babies.

New Year’s Eve by Ekhwanders (E) 3/3 “I know sexual tension when I see it. Have you talked to her?” Shelby shook her head no. She looked up at the ceiling and resisted the urge to cry. “I was going to kiss her at midnight.” Fatin’s eyes widened. “You what?” Shelby cringed. “Yeah, that was kind of the plan.” “Just like, by surprise? Kiss her and then what?” Shelby groaned. “I don’t know. Run away I guess.” Fatin bursted out laughing. “I get it, Fatin. It’s a bad plan.” Shelby sighed. “Got a better one?

Praying by Moon_Cube (E) 7/7 If Shelby had been there when Fatin asked: “Who has got off here?” she’d have put her hand up. Toni finds out. Their relationship continues on from there.

Say It Out Loud (I See Right Past You) by tnr92 (E) 27/27 Toni's always hated Shelby, so when Shelby gets drunk at Fatin's birthday party and throws herself at Toni out of nowhere, it all starts out as some sort of weirdly fucked up power play, because shouting matches with Shelby are going to be so much more satisfying for Toni when they both know that Toni rocked Shelby's world that one time in Fatin's guest bathroom. It's supposed to be just the one time, until it isn't. It's supposed to be just sex, until it's not.

ONE SHOTS

Bet On It by hallelujah99 (G) Shelby and Becca have a longstanding tradition of betting on anything and everything, and the outcome is always the same: the loser has to complete a dare of the winner’s choosing. Lately, a certain girl (who just happens to be exactly Shelby’s type) has had a front row seat to all the embarrassment.

Don’t Mind My Mad Behavior by thejunebugg (M) If Toni is trying to stay on brand, then by all accounts, she should be the jealous one. But she isn’t. (The times where Shelby is jealous, and the time she learns why Toni isn’t.)

Fifteen Days by clarkedarling (T) Filled with an immediate sense of dread, her first thought, embarrassingly, wasn't about her loved ones, or the hold to her career, but instead that she was now stuck for the foreseeable future with Miss Texas downstairs. "Fuck." Or, through unfortunate circumstances, Shelby and Toni are forced to quarantine together.

[cupofsapphics]

Confidence

Tammy x Reader

Um this is very short cause I’m a lazy bitch B) also I have decided that I will not write smut lol I’ll write stories with implied or hints of smut but no explicit things cause I wanna set boundaries B) hope you understand!

Summary: People were used to you being the shy, quiet kid hiding in the corner, but happens when that changes? 

Taglist: @delias-bitch-craft , @d14n4ol , @winters-witch-bitch

Sigh, why can’t Aunt Deb shut it with the laughing and drinking, I’m trying to study! I swear, her and her friends are partying more often. They should focus more on stealing the necklace if you ask me. What? It’s not like they were super subtle when it came to heist plans. I wouldn’t be surprised if people across the country could hear them. There was one sound of laughter that made me focus. Tammy. Based on the tension or looks that they share, I can only guess they were friends with benefits or something similar to that. Her laughter is so contagious. Tammy is like the definition of beauty and kindness. Too bad she’s married with kids and my aunt’s fence. I may be gay and a part-time criminal, but I’m no homewrecker. 

Anyway, back to my homework. I paced towards the divider door and opened it slowly with exhaustion. “Can you please turn it down? I have exams tomorrow.” Debbie and her friends turned around. Their faces of laughter morphed into faces of apology. “Sorry, Y/N but Rose here scanned the necklace from the Cartier Vault successfully!” I nodded. I have to admit that zirconium and that machine was impressive. I wonder where Tammy got it. Fences are very secretive when it comes to their source. Auntie Deb approached me. “Hey, you don’t look so good, kiddo.” My eyelids were about to droop into eternal slumber. “You should try getting only 3 hours of sleep with 21 hours of studying when your aunt and her friends are partying. It does wonders.” My aunt smirked at my sleepy mumbling. “Yeah, no, we’re taking you to bed.” I frowned. “No way, I may be lacking a lot of sleep, but it’s worth not failing exams.” Hopefully all these sleepless nights are worth it. If not, I sense a lot of teasing in my near future. I try my best not to fall asleep as I head back up to my room.

I heard a light knock on my door as I was trying my best to stay awake. “Come in..” I turned my head slowly to meet the concerned eyes of Tammy. “Hey, how’s it going?” I yawned as I mumbled softly, “it’s going fine, tomorrow’s the big day. I wish it could come faster so I could go to bed for decent sleep.” I heard Tammy chuckle. “There’s no way you’re gonna pass if you’re staying up.” Tammy tried to get me onto the bed as a protested, but as the weak and tired person I am, I gave in. Right when I hit the bed, I fell asleep. In fact, I was so deep in sleep that I didn’t feel the kiss that was put upon my forehead.

~the next day (cause I’m lazy)~

YES! Passed exams! Thank god all those all-nighters didn’t go to waste. I’m raced down the stairs to tell my aunt about my celebratory news. “AUNT DEB!” My aunt came in. “What’s up? Did you pass?” “I PASSED” One second after I said that, I was greeted with noise, cake, and a big “CONGRATS”. I smiled from ear to ear. “Hey, to celebrate, let’s all go out to the local bar!” I nodded at that idea, I was definitely in the mood for some partying after weeks of stress.

While I was getting ready, I decided why not to dress in something bold? I mean, I deserve it for studying my head off for exams. I had decided on a red dress that was a little above my knees, slightly curled hair, black heels, and golden hoop earrings. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked nice. “Y/NNNN! ARE YOU READY YET?” I heard Aunt Deb shouting from the bottom floor. “YEAH, GIVE ME A SECOND!” I shouted back. I picked up my purse, put on the red lipstick and went downstairs.

“You read-” Aunt Deb turned around and when she saw me she gauged at me. I quirked an eyebrow in confusion. Usually, she didn’t act like this. “HOLY SHIT Y/N, YOU LOOK LIKE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON” I shrugged but I understood why she said that. Usually, I would put my hair up in a messy bun wear nothing but sweatpants and a hoodie. My face starting heating up as all of my aunt’s friends also stared at me. “Okok, let’s go now.”, mumbling in embarrassment. That’s when I realized that Tammy wasn’t here. She must’ve had to go rush back home to take care of the kids. 

I was at the bar when Lou and my Aunt Deb when a finger tapped my shoulder. I turned around and there was this pretty blonde who was just inches taller than me and was wearing a black cocktail dress. I smiled at her. She was really stunning. “Wanna dance?” I looked around, but couldn’t find Tammy anywhere. One dance won’t hurt right? I took her hand as she led me to the dance floor. As we danced and drank throughout the night, we talked and got to know each other. Her name was Cameron. A few hours later, a slow dance song came up. We were swaying to the melody and I put my arms around her neck, resting my head on her shoulder. I was so content in my position that I didn’t notice Tammy looking at us gripping her drink so hard that her knuckles were white. What she didn’t know is that we decided that we just wanted to be good friends. It got to the point that Tammy couldn’t take it anymore so she marched up to us. She gave a curt nod to Cameron, took my wrist, and dragged me out of the area. Tammy kept walking till she took me to a secluded place when she sat down on the cushion and pulled me to sit next to her. There was an awkward silence lingering that seemed to last for years. I decided to break it. “Hey, why-” I got interrupted by soft lips crashing against my own. Only did we pull away to catch our breath. “Aren’t you still married?” Tammy shook her head. “We’re divorcing, turns out he’s cheating.” As mad as you were with her husband, you couldn’t help but feel a light feeling in your chest. Tammy stood up. “Let’s go home.” I stood up too as I smiled at the offer. Heading to the bar was the best decision I could’ve ever made because it ended in cuddles with Tammy. 

-------------------------------------------------

oml finally finished this. you can thank my modulus functions and logs for confusing me to the point that i seek fanfiction as a stress relief.

lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist!

[sweetporcelain13]

BTS's introduction to me!

Purple haired JK, hip thrusting on "smooth like butter" was when BTS struck me. He reminded me of Michael Jackson expressions which were kind of queer to me. I instantly thought this guy is gay but that's just my habit of judging (perceiving) people too soon.

I entered the fandom and was immediately slapped with skin ship videos. Mind me I had no effin idea about Korean culture and their tensions with LGBT community. I had literally assumed countries like Japan, Korea, Thailand are doppelganger of the USA. (Side note - I'm not an American but an Asian, which country are you from? 😁) So, it wasn't a big deal even if anyone was gay among them but I like to know and learn from allies and the members.

For me, developed country = LGBT friendly was the case🤦

That was my first sp13 bomb!

Anyway, I wanted to know more about these guys because the Instagram reels were just throwing gay BTS videos on my face. Jhope was the one who stuck me as bisexual. (Now that I'm reading it I kind of feel like I am objectifying them but trust me that's not the case.)

I didn't like reading subtitles and watching videos so I just kept rewatching "smooth like butter" 😂😂

I saw purple haired JK and I was in love with the hair. Next was the rainbow haired guy. RM, I knew because man rap monster rolls on your tongue. I still couldn't learn anybody's name because Jin, Tae, Suga looked same to me initially. 😭 (Racist bitch)

Next to knowing their names, it's always the sexuality that pulls you into the fandom. JK, I didn't want to explore anymore because he's a kid (I'm a year elder to him, hehe). J-hope will always be my sophisticated bisexual man, even if he ends up with a girl in the end.

Next is Park Jimin , and believe me he did not seem like a gay guy to me until I rewatched Halsey's BWL music video. I had seen that MV many times in the past and BTS were like side characters to me. But well, now I'm writing this under BTS tag, so you know who is the side kick (take it as a light joke please, I love her).

Now I know why many jikookers think red/orange haired JM was so sexy for the cute maknae. (Uh oh fanfiction alert).

Jimin for sure doesn't seem like a straight man to me especially when it comes to JK. Jimin's personality is in a way that even though you want to ignore, you will still question his sexuality. I did and in short bacame a jikooker.

Once a jikooker, you would be forced to watch original content by the supporters and that made me fall in love with BTS. I started in May 21 and I'm already spoilt. Thank God that I'm a working professional and not a student. I would have failed every subject because I am obsessed with bangtan contents. Does anyone relate?

That's a small intro about me and the BTS, I just wanted to share. I can write my thoughts more if asked upon otherwise I'm a lazy silent reader. 😂

(side note - don't assume I didn't watch bst, idol, DNA, mic drop MV previously. I had and my ass was only obsessed with Taylor Swift whining. So I always knew BTS music but was not a fan. I became a fan, not army last year. And that's it!)

I know pics and gifs are used as temptation, here on Tumblr. So, here you go. 😉

[bastardtetsu]

{day 07} charming | saeko x reader

pairing: tanaka saeko x f!reader

genre: fluff, gay tension, saeko tries to do her brother a solid by talking to a girl for him but that plan backfires

wc: ~800

warnings: f!reader, shameless flirting, doing tanaka ryu absolutely dirty

⍋⋆*❅｡. 25 days of fic-mas mlist .｡❅*⋆⍋

you are such a lovely thing oh, where have you been? it's such a shame to bury pearls in the country

—charming; natasha, pierre, & the great comet of 1812 (music & lyrics by dave malloy)

it’s a sunday afternoon, and you have the house to yourself to try on the new clothes you’d just bought. the dresses are far from casual, but that just gives you more reason to twirl around in them, putting on a show for yourself in the mirror as you imagine yourself as a movie star or an elegant countess - until a loud knock at the door interrupts your reverie.

rushing to the door, you throw it open to reveal a familiar blonde standing there, her thumb tucked into her belt loop, hip cocked casually to the side. saeko’s eyes glimmer as they take in your appearance.

“well hello,” she drawls, sizing you up, “what do we have here?”

“oh, i—“ you stammer, suddenly remembering your attire, “sorry, i was just trying some stuff on—“

“no worries,” saeko interjects, taking a step closer to make her way inside, “it suits you.”

your cheeks flush with warmth as she grins at you, unsure of what to say as she breezes her way in.

though you had met, you don’t exactly know saeko well. you go to school with her younger brother, but you’ve only had a few conversations with him since he always seems really tense and awkward when speaking to you. you’d seen saeko around too, even spoken to her a few times at social events, but nothing more.

you can’t imagine what could’ve prompted her to show up at your door like this - all you know is that she and her brother share the same fiery stare, and that for some reason it intimidates you more when it’s coming from her.

“ooh, these are some nice dresses!” she muses upon seeing your new purchases laid out. then, with a mischievous glance, “you got somewhere to wear ‘em to?”

“n-not in particular,” you falter, eyes falling to the floor nervously. you can still feel the heat of her keen stare as you fiddle with the fabric draping your body.

saeko smiles, taken by your bashfulness. you really do look stunning in that dress.

“i can see why ryu likes you.”

“huh?” your eyes shoot back up to meet hers.

“i had lunch with him yesterday,” she continues without missing a beat, “poor thing hardly ate, he wouldn’t shut up about you!! he’s been too scared to talk to you, but he wouldn’t leave me alone until he convinced me to come over here and talk to you for him - what a dork, right? and besides,” she adds, leaning in closer to whisper, “he should be more careful, or i just might steal you for myself.”

your face is burning now, heart pounding in your chest as you try to process all the information you just received, on top of the red-hot stare boring into you as you try to get your bearings.

you hadn’t realized your classmate had feelings for you like that - that would certainly explain his odd behavior with you - however, it’s difficult to think about that (or anything else, for that matter) with his intimidatingly attractive sister staring you down hungrily, her face just inches away from yours.

suddenly, she throws her head backwards in a boisterous laugh.

“you’re so cute when you’re blushing!” she exclaims, before flashing another cheeky grin, “you’re a charmer, you know that?”

“um… thank you,” you respond tentatively, still flustered. is she joking or being serious? you can’t tell.

“listen,” she says, shifting closer to you again, “if you need somewhere to wear that dress, we’re having a party tonight at our place. you should come!” then with a wink, “you’ll be the prettiest one there.”

“oh, um,” you stumble over your words. saeko can’t help but grin at your reaction, mesmerized by your wide, awestruck eyes.

“so, what do you say?” she purrs.

“i…” you hesitate. the situation is still a bit confusing, but her unabashed confidence and carefree attitude give you a strange sense of comfort as her intense stare melts away your reservations. “sure,” you answer.

“great!!!” she exclaims loudly. you aren’t quite sure who you’re saying yes to - saeko or her brother - but you can’t help but smile back at her enthusiasm. as she pulls you into a tight hug, you can feel her breasts squeezing against your body, separated by just a few layers of fabric. heat rises through your body again at the sensation.

“ryu’s gonna be thrilled,“ she says, before a wry smirk befalls her face, eyes meeting yours with another heated stare. the slender but surprisingly strong arms encircling you tighten their grip. “at least for now.”

those wide eyes of yours are gonna be the death of her.

a/n: so uhhhh yeah sorry tanaka, this is just me being h word for saeko and amber gray at the same time… technically this song isn’t supposed to be gay but personally i feel to believe otherwise !! anyways if you haven’t heard of great comet i definitely recommend checking it out — definitely an all time favorite show, plus i’ll be posting my terushima fic based on another song from it soon! :)

taglist: @izagraceee​ @musicgetsmeoutofbed​ @azo-musxas​ @tsumurai​ 

[politics-notmything]

We fell in love in November

YEah, we back at it with another one shot... I don’t normally write these but after my recent post and the Parrlyn discord, now could I not 👀 Anyway, this took wayyyyyy longer than i thought it would - Part 15 of She Used to be mine is out tomorrow :)  

Tw- implied nudity (nothing over PG-13), bad language, coming out. 

The euphoria Cathy Parr felt around Anne Boleyn was extravagant. Even now when they lie in bed together trying to come down from their high, Cathy still felt energised. The writer rolled over to face her girlfriend, with the bedsheets pulled up to her neck and subtly smiled. Cathy ran her left hand through the Boleyn girl’s hair and cupped her cheek with the other.

“You look so beautiful,” Anne opened her eyes and grinned when she met with Cathy’s.

“As are you.” she simply replied as she moved forward to tenderly kiss her girlfriend. No one could’ve expected that Catherine Parr and Anne Boleyn would become a thing in their second life. Heck, they didn’t even know they had the possibility of a second life! Anne paused their kiss and Cathy looked unexpectedly at her gremlin, “You should tell Aragon.” 

The moment was ruined. 

Cathy tensed as she sat up, pulling the duvet with her and laughing when she pulled too hard, so Anne was left bare, “What?” 

“I said-” Anne smirked as she deliberately rolled onto Cathy’s chest, making her blush, “You should tell Aragon.”

“What if I don’t want to tell Aragon…” Cathy whispered, not looking away from Anne’s eyes.

“You can look at my tits, Cath, I don't mind.” 

“ANNE!” Cathy profusely blushed and shoved the Boleyn girl to the side, 

Anne snickered and pulled the writer into a cuddle, “It isn’t like you haven’t seen them before.” 

“But seriously,” Cathy hummed when she went back to being serious, “I don’t want to tell my godmother, she might not like it.” 

“But she came to pride last year and threw confetti at that proposing gay couple?” 

“That’s different. Not only am I her goddaughter, but I’m also dating the woman who stole her crown.” 

“Yeah, I feel a little guilty for that,” Anne confessed.

“You shouldn’t. ‘Lina isn’t mad about it now because we know you were forced to do it,” Cathy snuffled closer, “but it still doesn’t change history.” 

“She’s family Cath. I told Kat, now you should tell Aragon.” Anne gently kissed Cathy’s curls before removing her grip around the writer’s waist, allowing her to go downstairs. 

“I might.” Cathay smiled as she grabbed her underwear and a towel from Anne’s floor, “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Cath.” 

Both queens had been dating for a significant amount of time, and their story started when they ‘accidentally’ made out in Cathy’s dressing room after Anne trapped them for an hour. After that, there had been a series of confessions, secret glances and planning from both parties, so they didn’t come across as suspicious. Then, once they felt ready, Anne told Katherine who has been a useful distraction when the lovers want some alone time. 

One of the first things Catherine proposed was developing small ‘habits’ that the others would believe. For example, Anne was known to sleep in, so they both took advantage of that when Cathy would sneak out of her room and cuddle Anne in the early morning before heading downstairs for breakfast. Another trick was when Cathy ran out of coffee and needed to take a last-minute trip to Tescos. Anne would always hide the coffee and midnight then plan a Tescos trip the next day when Cathy would happen to tag along. 

And it worked surprisingly well. 

“Morning Mija.” Catalin de Aragon was at the head of the kitchen table, reading a novel and drinking tea, alone. 

Cathy walked over to her coffee machine, “Morning ma, where is everyone?” 

“They decided to go on a walk. Katherine said something about trees helping you live longer,” 

Cathy suppressed a laugh, Anne...

“Yeah, I read that too.” 

“Of course, in our second lives, no one wants to take any chances!” Aragon continued, oblivious, “Knowing Kat, she probably just wanted to look at the dogs.” 

Catherine picked her fingernails, and her stomach churned over, “Can I confess something?”

“Of course…” Her godmother removed her reading glasses and gestured for Cathy to take a seat. 

“I’ve been seeing someone,” A beat, “romantically.” 

The confession slipped out and jumping the first hurdle was surprisingly easy, but unfortunately, it wasn’t as straightforward as that. 

The godmother corrected her posture and licked her lips, “Oh? For how long?” 

“About 4 months.” 

“And you never told me?” 

“I didn’t think it was necessary,” Cathy replied, sheepishly. 

While Catherine may not be her mother, it didn’t change how she acted like one. One of Cathy’s strongest memories was when Aragon comforted her every night after she was reincarnated.

“What’s his name?” 

Another hurdle appeared that Cathy had to somehow jump over - the gay hurdle. 

“He’s a she.” Catherine wouldn’t say she was scared of her godmother, but she certainly valued her approval and beliefs. 

The Spaniard paused to think this over before leaning back in her chair, closing her eyes, and smiling. The smile grew, and a flower of hope blossomed in the Survivor’s chest. Aragon then opened her arms for Cathy to hug her, and the writer reacted all too quickly. 

“I’m happy you felt comfortable enough to tell me.” 

“Does this mean you’re okay with this?” Cathy mumbled into her shoulder, 

“Of course Mija! Now, who is she?” 

“Okay, okay” Cathy could burst with excitement! Even though her godmother didn’t know it was Anne, Cathy could still describe her lover in perfect detail. “She has dark brown hair, which has a subtle wave at the end. She is pretty pale, so her freckles stand out but her cheeks are always red because she is somehow always blushing!” Cathy continued to gush, “Her eyes are grey, but they change with the light, and her favourite colour is green-”

“You told Aragon yet?” Anne Boleyn leaned in the doorway with a giant smirk on her face, “or are you just going to keep describing my facial features?” 

Silence. 

Anne stopped as she realised what she’d said. 

Cathy looked between Anne and her godmother. She loved the gremlin, but she really needs to learn to read a situation.

Aragon stood and looked between Anne and Cathy. Her brain slowly puts the puzzle together in an organised fashion. The hair, the skin, the freckles, the blush, the eyes and finally, the favourite colour. 

The history hurdle. 

The grinding of Cathy’s chair against the kitchen floor wasn’t enough to pierce the tension between the 1st and 2nd queen. The writer took Anne’s hand, and cautiously walked her over to her godmother. 

“Anne, this is my Godmother. Ma, this is-” 

“I know who Anne is.” Catherine’s voice was a deadly monotone. 

The awkwardness had obviously got to the Boleyn girl who proceeded to bite her lip as she glanced around the room, eyeing the wall tiles with great curiosity. 

“Boleyn.” Anne’s head snapped back to the situation as the Spanish queen addressed her. “Are you dating my goddaughter?” 

“Well-” Anne didn’t know what to say, and thankfully, Catherine didn’t want to hear it. 

“Catherine Mary Parr.” Cathy flinched at the use of her full name. 

“Your middle name is mary?” Anne tentatively asked before Aragon shut her off. 

“Are you dating the woman who stole my husband?” 

“Well, when you put it like that…” Cathy trailed off as her godmother rubbed her temple. 

“After all these years?” Aragon tried so hard to keep her composure, she really did. But some situations are just too much. “No puedo creerlos a los dos!” 

“I can’t fucking believe you both.” Cathy translated. 

“Después de todo lo que hago por ti,” The Spaniard flung her arms around, “así es como me pagas?!”

“After everything, I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” 

“Mierda, mierda, mierda, odio a los malditos franceses!” She turned to Cathy “Te estas follando ella?” 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I hate the fucking french, and I verbally can’t repeat the final phrase.” 

“Are you?” ‘Lina demanded to know the answer.

“sí señorita.” Cathy’s reply was quick and timid.

Catherine turned to Anne, “First, you stole my husband, then you stole my crown, and now you steal my goddaughter?!” 

“Oh, I stole more than that from her,” Anne winked at Cathy who couldn’t hold her laugh as she remembered the recent events. She buried her head in the Boleyn girl’s shoulder to try and stifle it. Forgetting all about the angry Spaniard, Anne kissed the top of Cathy’s curls and smiled fondly down at her. 

That wasn’t normal. Catherine of Aragon knew how Anne Boleyn worked when it came to a relationship. She would look at her target with a seductive smirk and a classic wink, she would follow them around before leading them out the room in the dark and alone. Anne Boleyn would destroy families and ruin a country. Manipulate the king and destroy the church, but she would never look at someone with such value. 

In all the years Catherine had been alive she has never seen Anne Boleyn blush as much as she did now or look at someone with so much compassion and… love? 

“No me importa que seas gay” Aragon finally sighed. 

Cathy swiftly removed her head from Anne’s shoulder to translate, “I don’t care that you are gay.” 

“And I shouldn't care who you date either.” Catalina looked at the interlocked fingers. “Forgive me for being so crude, it was a shock.” 

“It was a shock to me too!” Anne quipped but received a slap from Cathy. 

“I apologise for my use of language too, it was-”

“Descriptive?” Cathy finished. 

“Extremely.” It was still a little awkward between the trio, but ‘Lina was determined to settle things, “I just want you to know that I accept you both as family and as lovers.” 

“Thank you, ma.” 

“I really appreciate it.” 

“Now, I know the others will be getting back soon so we should really get started on breakfast.” 

“Let me reheat your coffee, babe.” Anne carefully took the mug from Cathy, who whispered a ‘thank you.’ 

“I have to admit,” Aragon cleared her space on the table and handed her goddaughter the placemats, “You make a pretty good couple.” 

“Right?!” Anne beamed with delight,

“Does anyone else know?” Catherine continued, 

“Only Katherine and you. We both wanted to keep it on the down-low, but Anne said I should tell you because you’re family.” Cathy explained.

“Well, I’m glad you told me, even if it took some convincing. And know that I’m here for the both of you if anyone tries anything!” 

“We’re back!” The younger cousin’s voice echoed off the walls, and she bounced into the kitchen to see Cathy kissing Anne’s cheek as she was handed her mug and ‘Lina placing the apple juice on the table. 

“Did the air work?” Cathy asked Kitty as she took her seat next to Anne around the table,

“I feel younger already!” 

“I’m definitely going to be immortal by the end of the century.” Anna threw her hoodie over the back of her chair and poured herself some apple juice as Jane finally walked in. 

Once everyone was sat, Anne nodded at Kat from across the table and tried to suppress and smile as Cathy subtly linked their arms together. A small gesture of affection which had humungous meaning.

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Recs: Angst

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 remember me by hupsoonheng Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  31082 Tags: Amnesia, Temporary Amnesia, Obliviation, Established Relationship, Established Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Legilimency, Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Reformed Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Good Draco Malfoy, Gardens & Gardening, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, POV Harry Potter Summary:  On a chilly day in October, Draco kisses Harry goodbye before he goes on yet another dangerous, undercover mission with the Aurors. And then Harry doesn't come back. Only Draco believes that Harry isn't dead, and pours himself into finding his husband despite his friends' pleas to move on and grieve properly. What he finds at the end of that work, though, is not at all what he wanted. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 you've got the antidote for me by Kandakicksass Rated:  Mature Words:  20730 Tags: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soul Bond, Red String of Fate, Heavy Angst, Terminal Illnesses, Major Illness, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:  When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want. He's never been selfless before, but for Harry, he can try. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Every Breath You Take by hephaestiions Rated:  Mature Words:  19252 Tags: Major Character Death, Death (Harry Potter), Suicide, Child Death, Miscommunication, Angst, Angst and Tragedy Summary:  It starts and ends with Death. Scorpius was just caught in between. Like always. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Between Myth and Man by slytherco Rated:  Explicit Words:  16242 Tags: Veritaserum, Truth Serum, Mundane, London, Falling In Love, Lies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, This whole story is just Draco angsting really, Sexual Content, keeping secrets, Smoking, Bad Weather, References to Drugs, Making Out, One (1) Scared Little Sparrow, And also lots of texting Summary:  Draco, lost and a little broken, navigates post-war reality convinced that people like him should not be allowed to make their own choices. To solve the problem of his self-sabotaging tendencies, he starts taking a few drops of Veritaserum every morning. A story about the complexity of choices, repressed desires that come to the surface when we least expect them, and the utter hopelessness of truths built on a foundation of lies. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Boxes and a Scrapbook by dracogotgame Rated:  Mature Words:  30493 Tags: mention of divorce, flangst, Bill is a bro Summary:  One year after being accidentally bonded to each other, Harry and Draco are free to move on with their lives. But perhaps, what they needed was here all along. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Intertwined by bluefay Rated:  Explicit Words:  25086 Tags: Memory Loss, Memory Alteration, Accidental Bonding, Magic Gone Wrong, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, Malfoy Manor, Self-Harm, Dark Mark (Harry Potter), Serious Injuries, But they're not very graphic so don't fret!, Self-Hatred, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Sort Of, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Hate Sex, Childhood Trauma ,Flashbacks, St Mungo's Hospital, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Time, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  On May 3rd, 1998, Draco Malfoy wakes up with no memory of Voldemort, the war, or Harry Potter, his supposed boyfriend. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di Rated:  Explicit Words:  93189 Tags: H/D Fan Fair 2019, Secondary Theme: Travel Fair, Secondary Theme: Book Fair, Commercial Fisherman Draco Malfoy, Failed Writer Harry Potter, Depressed Harry Potter, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Muscular Draco Malfoy, Recluse Harry Potter, Angst, Smut, Drama & Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Wandless Magic, Boats and Ships, Finland (Country), Fishing, Redemption, School Reunion, Minor Draco Malfoy/Original Male Character(s), Anal Sex, Rough Sex, Sex Magic, Suicidal Thoughts, Near Death Experiences, Magical Theory, POV Alternating Summary:  Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography. An invitation to the Hogwarts class of 1998's 15th reunion isn't welcomed by either of them, but neither could predict how the night, and their reunion, will upend their lives. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 When I Put My Eyes On You by Zzzara Rated:  Explicit Words:  31160 Tags: Blindness, Blind Character, Blind Harry Potter, Disability, Physical Disability, Disabled Character, Slow Burn, Falling In Love, Love, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Dorks in Love, Friendship/Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Amortentia, Potions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Emotions, Emotional, Emotional Roller Coaster, Pining, Pining Harry Potter, Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Developing Friendships, Romantic Friendship, Best Friends, Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter Friendship, POV Harry Potter, Patronus, Spells & Enchantments, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Jealousy, Jealous Harry Potter, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Spin the Bottle, Halloween, Party, Party Games, Mistletoe, Kissing, Surprise Kissing, Boys Kissing, Rough Kissing, Drunken Kissing, Gentle Kissing, Boys In Love, Drinking, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, First Time, Explicit Sexual Content, Sex, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Emotional Sex, Awkward First Times, Sleeping Together, Literal Sleeping Together, Dancing, Showers, Masturbation in Shower, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Sexual Tension, Dreams, Fantasizing, Desire, Self-Esteem Issues, Substance Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Lights Camera Drarry 2020, Lights Camera Drarry, LCDrarry, LCD - Freeform, The Way he looks, film inspired, Self-Prompt, Healing Summary:  When a hero defeats a villain, there's supposed to be a happily-ever-after... but when did anything ever happen to Harry Potter the way it was supposed to? Having sacrificed himself to the greater good, Harry is left alone in the darkness, blindly groping for the shreds of the life he knew. When the enemies meet, how is the story supposed to go, once they learn there's more to it than the eye can see? A story of pain, hope and things we discover, once we stop looking for them with our eyes. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You open always (petal by petal) by birdsofshore Rated:  Explicit Words:  65214 Tags: Post War, Rent Boy!Draco, Down-And-Out!Draco, Grimmauld Place, House magic, Portraits, First Times, Antagonism, Hurt/Comfort, Coming Out, Pining, Angst, UST, Kissing, Frotting, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Intergluteal Sex, Anal Sex, Homophobic Slurs And Attitudes, Internalised Homophobia, Derogatory Attitudes To Sex Workers, Some Mentions Of Sadistic Violence, Brief Thoughts Of Sexual Activity With A Sleeping Partner, Rough Sex, Brief Mention Of Harry With A Woman (Past Relationship), Mentions Of Dubious Consent In Connection With Sex Work, Community: hd_erised, Inexperienced Harry, Top Harry Potter, House Elves, Masturbation Summary:  Harry’s not the kind of person who pays for sex. He really isn’t. Until he is. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Solder by Oakstone730 Rated:  Explicit Words:  34547 Tags: potion/alcohol addiction, Recovery, Nipple Play, Rimming, Dirty Talk, Angst, PiningUST, Reconciliation, LoveForgiveness, Cursebreaker!Draco, Artist!Harry Summary:  Seven years ago, Harry disappeared out of Draco and Scorpius's life without a trace after Harry's addictions destroyed his and Draco's marriage. Now, Harry’s back, and Draco wants to believe he’s changed. But Harry isn’t the only one haunted by the past. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Months, Eleven Days and Nine Hours by sassy_cissa Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  sassy_cissa Tags: H/D Food Fair 2018, Angst, Romance, Paroled Draco Malfoy, Rebuilding Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy/, Harry Potter Friendship, Down and Out Draco Malfoy, Food Forager Draco Malfoy, Soup Kitchens, Happy Ending, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hungry Draco Malfoy Summary:  Broke and living in a one room hovel in Knockturn Alley, Draco hunts in rubbish bins for food. Nothing could be more humiliating, right? Unless you're Draco Malfoy... ❤️ Read on AO3

Texting You by ununquadius Rated:  Teen and Up Words:  6005 Tags: Major Character Death, text fic, draco is dead, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, or maybe hurt/no comfort, Everyday Life, Pets, Asexual Harry Potter, Indian Harry Potter, one penis drawing, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Loneliness, Drinking, Terminal Illnesses, blink and you missed them suicidal thoughts Summary:  After Draco's death, Harry can't let go so he keeps texting their private chat, updating him on his life and rambling about everything and anything until it almost feels like there's a possibility that, one day, a reply will come. Read on AO3

📜 Wake Up In The Night by p1013 Rated:  Explicit Words:  10483 Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Explicit Sexual Content, Face-Fucking, Public Sex, Blow Jobs, Versatile Draco Malfoy, Versatile Harry Potter, Anal Sex, Rimming, Anal Fingering, Dirty Talk, Facials, 69 (Sex Position), Coming Untouched, Love Confessions, Curses, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Drinking, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, POV Draco Malfoy, Voyeurism, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Emotional Manipulation Summary:  In the days after the War ended, there were a great many things that were changed or changing, a great many things that somehow slipped beneath the notice of Ministry officials and healers from St. Mungo's and Aurors that were tasked with capturing fleeing Death Eaters. It was, after all, the end of the War, and much like war itself, the clean up was heartbreaking. Lives had been lost. The world as they knew it had been changed irrevocably. In the grand scheme of things, there were more important things to worry about than Draco Malfoy's sudden, inexplicable inability to feel love. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Coated in Rust and Blood by crazyparakiss Rated:  Mature Words:  2429 Tags: Mpreg, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, Break Up, Post-Break Up, Angst, Violent Sex, Self-Hatred, Grief/Mourning, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  No one escapes the nightmares. That’s what his headshrinker tells Harry every time he tries to unpack the baggage he was handed from infancy. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Here Without You by  gracerene Rated:  Explicit Words:  26869 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, War, Canon-Typical Violence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Death, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Background Het, Non-Linear Narrative, Flashbacks, Epistolary, Love Letters, Dirty Letters, An Ode to Draco's Bum, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter, Implied Switching, Auror Harry Potter, Healer Draco Malfoy, Explosions, Harry Potter & Parvati Patil Friendship, Loneliness, Denial, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  It's been seven years since the end of the Second Wizarding War with Voldemort, and a new Dark Lady has taken over in nearby Ireland. Harry feels compelled to volunteer to fight on the front lines, but war is never safe, and Harry has a lot—including his blissfully happy relationship with Draco—to lose. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Orion in the Sky by space_wingding Rated:  Explicit Words:  30709 Tags: Bookshop Owner Draco Malfoy, Coffee, Village life, Slow Burn, Pining, Denial, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Jigsaw Puzzles, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, POV Draco Malfoy, POV Harry Potter, Fatal Curse, Serious Injuries, Suicidal Thoughts, Hospitalization, Death, Character Death, Unhappy Ending, St Mungo's Hospital, Grief, mentions of anal sex, Chronic or Terminal Illness, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  Draco Malfoy owns a bookshop in the Lake District. He’s also cursed. Enter: Harry Potter. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Forgot to remember you by Andithiel Rated:  Mature Words:  1753 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Auror Partners, Magical Accidents, Memory Loss, Partial Memory Loss, Getting Together, DreamsPining, Light Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drarropoly 2.0 - A Drarry Game/Fest, Rated M for language, There's not any real stuff going on Summary:  Harry was hit with a spell that made him forget the week before he was hurt. Most of his memories have come back, but he has a niggling suspicion that he did something wrong. Why else would his Auror partner (and the object of his desires) go from friendly to hostile? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 On the Last Day by trishjames Rated:  Explicit Words:  53481 Tags: Mystery, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Unreliable Narrator, Drama, Dramatic Irony, Flashbacks, Non-Linear Flashbacks, Memory Loss, Horror Elements, Suicidal Ideation, Depression, Occlumency (Harry Potter), Occlumency as a Coping Mechanism, Panic Attacks, Discussion and Depiction of Mini Seizures, mention of overdoses, Revenge, Repression, Science, Neurology & Neuroscience, Neurological damage, Medicine, Potions, Original Characters - Freeform, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Somewhat Bond!Fic, Strong Friendships, Strong Women, Maternal love, Department of Mysteries, Unspeakables (Harry Potter), The Love Chamber, The Death Chamber, Death Potion, Amortentia, The Veil, Near Death Experiences, Souls, Major character death - Freeform, Death, forced drugging, Mind Control (Imperio), Murder, Vomit, Medical Procedures, Consent, Amoral Behaviour, Unethical Behaviour, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Possession, Ghost Sex, True Love Conquers All, ghost!harry, Magically Powerful Harry Potter, Auror Harry Potter, Unspeakable/Scientist Hermione Granger, Unspeakable/Scientist Draco Malfoy, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020, Psst...angst with a happy ending.. Summary:  Draco is still mourning the recent loss of his mother when the Wizarding World is struck with the tragic news of Harry Potter’s untimely death. It’s just his luck that Potter not only comes back as a ghost, but seems intent on haunting Draco as he’s the only one that can see him. It’s a race against time to retrace the last few days of Potter’s life in order to find his body before he’s lost to the living or spiritual realm forever. On their journey, they’ll uncover secrets, betrayals, and a horrific truth that will disrupt both the living and the dead. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Poland | A Faint Glow of Hope by EvAEleanor Rated:  Mature Words:  6123 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Summer Solstice, Solstice, Curses, Unspeakable Draco Malfoy, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Ron Weasley, Healer Hermione Granger, Herbology Professor Neville Longbottom, Angst, Flowers, Slavic mythology, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Mentions of Myth & Folklore, Mythology References. Folklore, poland - Freeform, POV Draco Malfoy, Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, Community: Seven Shades of Drarry Summary:  On Draco’s 25th birthday, somebody attempts to curse him, but Harry Potter jumps between them and is hit instead, with unexpected consequences. Potter is running out of time, and they both embark on a race against time to find the only cure that could save Harry. Little do they know they will need to face a myriad of magical creatures and their own feelings on the way. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Grounds for Divorce by Tepre Rated:  Explicit Words:  122217 Tags: Slow Burn, Pining, UST, Anal Sex, brief but all the same enthusiastic rimming, One (1) lemon tree, Accidental Bonding, And I mean like U! S! T!, Jealousy, Deals with Trauma, They both top at some point, ron is a good friend, Draco is a Good Cook, Dubious Consent due to the Accidental Bonding, The actual SLOWEST burn, Hurt/Comfort, Have I mentioned UST? Cannot overstate this it's like A LOT, First there's frottage, And then there's more sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, and just a lot of sex, sex on a bed, sex in the shower, sex on the floor, Sex on a settee, In other news they go to Egypt, Teddy is a Small Bean, There is one (1) cat, and one (1) happy ending Summary:  Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter. A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 At Evening's End by manixzen Rated:  Explicit Words:  31055 Tags: Pre-Relationship, Angst, Azkaban, Hurt/Comfort, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Slow Burn, Post-Hogwarts, Friendship, Past Child Abuse, Enemies to Friends, Auror Harry Potter, Inmate Draco Malfoy, Prison, Auror Ron Weasley Summary:  When the dementors are removed from Azkaban, a compromise has to be made for the prison to remain secure and wizard-kind to feel safe. Harry and Ron find themselves assigned to a rotation as guards during their first year as Junior Aurors as a part of the new system. Harry finds his values challenged in the harsh environment, but an unexpected friendship may carry him through this difficult year. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 all you ever did was wreck me by SailorChibi Rated:  Mature Words:  10807 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, draco has PTSD, Harry has PTSDN, ightmares, Animagus, Harry is an animagus, prison break - Freeform, Touch-Starved, affection starved, Fear of Death, fear of touch, touch repulsed, Trauma, Aftermath of Torture, harry doesn't want anyone else to die, harry is very angry at the world, Protective Harry, harry had to grow up too soon, Possessive Harry, harry wants to protect draco, house arrest, Ministry of Magic, ministry of magic has gone power hungry, Fear of Magic, draco is scared of magic, it's been used for too much evil, Draco Malfoy Feels, Sad Draco Malfoy, Protective Draco Malfoy, Sharing a Bed, platonically sharing a bed, First Kiss, Hugging, Cuddling, Platonic Cuddling, Harry Potter is a Good Friend, death is scary, Happy Ending, Angst with a Happy Endingh, appyish ending, might be a little bittersweet, but it will be ok I swear Summary:  After the war, the Ministry decides to make a clean go of it and sentences all Death Eaters to death. After a year spent imprisoned beneath the Ministry, with his mother safely in France, his father dead and only the Aurors who hate him for "company", Draco is waiting for his time to die. Harry gets to him first. ❤️ Read on AO3

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book recs based off of taylor swift songs!

so, we all want taylor to share her reading recs with us but she still hasn’t! so instead, here are book recommendations based on taylor swift songs! these recommendations are based on both the content of the songs, the vibe of the songs, and the themes present!

goodreads pages for each book are linked for more about them!

A Place in this World - coming of age novels

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo (YA novel told in verse)

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (classic)

A Very Large Expanse of Sea by Tahereh Mafi (YA realistic fiction)

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth  (YA realistic fiction / tw: conversion therapy, religious abuse, homophobia)

Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson (children’s/middle grade poetry)

The Girl in the Tangerine Scarf by Mohja Kahf (adult realistic fiction / tw: islamophobia, racist hate crime)

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston (classic)

there are a lot here, so the rest are under a read more!

ME! - memoirs and autobiographies that are one of a kind

Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls by T Kira Madden (tw: substance abuse)

The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls (tw: abuse)

Little Weirds by Jenny Slate

Like Me: Confessions of a Heartland Country Singer by Chely Wright

Know My Name by Chanel Miller (tw: sexual assault)

Accidental Saints by Nadia Bolz-Weber

My Soul Looks Back by Jessica B. Harris

The Lucky One - novels about the perils of fame 

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Tara Jenkins Reid (adult historical fiction)

Daisy Jones and the Six by Tara Jenkins Reid (adult historical fiction / tw: substance abuse)

City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert (adult historical fiction)

Fame Adjacent by Sarah Skilton (adult contemporary)

Girl in a Band by Kim Gordon (nonfiction/memoir)

Famous in a Small Town by Emma Mills (YA romance)

Fake Plastic Girl by Zara Lisbon (YA mystery)

It’s Nice to Have a Friend - novels about perceived friends with who turn out to be lovers OR who spend the novel with homoerotic tension

Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein (YA historical fiction)

Emma by Jane Austen (classic)

Dare Me by Megan Abbott (YA/adult thriller)

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz (YA realistic fiction)

Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden (YA romance)

Only The Young - novels about young people making major change/experiencing societal upheaval

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas (YA realistic fiction / tw: police brutality, murder, racism)

Revolution Is Not a Dinner Party by Ying Chang Compestine (middle grade/YA historical fiction)

Ghost Boys by Jewell Parker Rhodes (middle grade historical fiction/fantasy / tw: police brutality against a black child, depiction of emmett till)

Orleans by Sherri L. Smith (YA dystopian)

The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline (YA dystopian / tw: depiction of genocide against native americans)

The Chaos Walking Trilogy by Patrick Ness (YA science fiction)

The Best Day - songs about mother/daughter relationships (both meaningful and difficult)

Are You My Mother? by Alison Bechdel (adult graphic novel)

Restless by William Boyd (adult spy novel)

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng (adult realistic fiction)

The Mother-Daughter Book Club by Heather Vogel Frederick (middle grade contemporary)

Love Story - a reimagining of a classic story

Pride by Ibi Zoboi (YA contemporary / reimagining of Pride and Prejudice)

The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer (YA science fiction / reimagining of Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, and Snow White)

Ayesha At Last by Uzma Jalauddin (adult contemporary / reimagining of Pride and Prejudice)

Home Fire by Kamila Shamsie (adult contemporary / reimagining of Antigone, tw: islamophobia, depiction of torture)

You Need to Calm Down - these are just a variety of books strictly abt LGBT characters not just a gay side character <3

Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins (YA romance)

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (YA romance)

Charity & Sylvia by Rachel Hope Cleves (nonfiction)

The 57 Bus by Dashka Slater (YA nonfiction / tw: transphobia, transphobic hate crime, misgendering)

Autoboyography by Christina Lauren (YA contemporary)

Treacherous - a love that teeters between labels for too long as neither can resist the pull of the other

Passenger by Alexandra Bracken (YA science fiction)

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (classic)

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë (classic)

Tell Me How You Really Feel by Aminah Mae Safi (YA romance)

Don’t Blame Me - an all-encompassing, maddening love

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier (classic)

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë (classic)

The Way I Loved You - love stories about people who are always attracted to the more dangerous option, even when they’re safe where they are

Anna K: A Love Story by Jenny Lee (YA romance)

Playing With Matches by Hannah Orenstein (adult romance)

My Life Next Door by Huntley Fitzpatrick (YA romance)

Heartless by Marissa Meyer (YA fantasy / retelling of Alice in Wonderland from the Queen of Heart’s perspective)

The Awakening by Kate Chopin (classic)

Speak Now - weddings/wedding related activities gone wrong!

Save the Date by Morgan Matson (YA romance)

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren (adult romance)

In a Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Ware (adult thriller)

Look What You Made Me Do - women getting their revenge, whether it’s justified or not

Sadie by Courtney Summers (YA thriller / tw: physical and sexual abuse, pedophilia, murder, substance abuse)

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn (adult thriller / tw: sexual/physical abuse, murder, suicide mentions)

Find Her by Lisa Gardner (adult thriller / tw: physical abuse, kidnapping, rape, murder, graphic depictions of violence)

I’m Only Me When I’m With You - books with a strong focus on platonic relationships, how they grow and change

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen (classic)

Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty (adult thriller / tw: physical abuse)

This One Summer by Mariko and Jillian Tamaki (YA graphic novel)

Monday’s Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson (YA mystery)

Sula by Toni Morrison (classic / tw: racism, rape mention, physical abuse, sexism)

A Separate Peace by John Knowles (classic)

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid (adult contemporary / tw: racism)

Haunted - novels about feelings of loss combined with supernatural elements

Beloved by Toni Morrison (classic / tw: depictions of slavery, rape, sexual abuse, physical assault, racism, racist language)

Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult (adult mystery)

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand (YA fantasy/horror)

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness (middle grade fantasy illustrated novel)

You Belong With Me - young adult novels with a LOT of pining

When Dimple Met Rishi by Sandhya Menon (YA romance)

Since You’ve Been Gone by Morgan Matson (YA romance)

First & Then by Emma Mills (YA romance)

Tweet Cute by Emma Lord (YA romance)

Begin Again - novels about people getting another chance at love

Beach Read by Emily Henry (adult romance)

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes (adult romance)

Second Chance Summer by Morgan Matson (YA romance)

Persuasion by Jane Austen (classic)

The Two Lives of Lydia Bird by Josie Silver (adult romance)

Enchanted -  love at first sight OR meet cutes!

Meet Cute by Various Authors (collection of YA short stories)

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith (YA romance)

The Unexpected Everything by Morgan Matson (YA romance)

What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera (YA romance)

They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera (YA romance)

Lovely War by Julie Berry (YA historical fiction / tw: racism)

Long Live - fighting monsters, both literal and figurative 

Pet by Akwaeke Emezi (YA fantasy / tw: sexual abuse)

A Blade So Black by L.L. McKinney (YA fantasy / reimagining of Alice in Wonderland)

When You See Me by Lisa Gardner (adult thriller / tw: sexual abuse, physical abuse, rape, murder, kidnapping)