#you can hate travis as much as you want (even though i disagree with that sentiment) i can understand being annoyed by his style or whatever

[zincbotted]

some people be saying the most batshit insane shit abt travis mcelroy

[revvethasmythh]

Do you think if Chetney was younger, the response to Fearniture would be different? I’ve seen some people try to minimize it entirely, even after this episode and the threesome.

This is something I've been thinking about on and off for a lot of the campaign, and I've kind of settled around thinking that the answer is both yes and no. Do I think Chetney being visibly elderly and therefore non-traditionally attractive is definitely a reason for the relative unpopularity of Fearniture? Yes. Do I think it's THE reason? No.

I often think of Chetney's treatment within fandom is kind of reminiscent of the way Sam's PC's get treated. That is, as a joke character, someone who does a bit and doesn't really have much else going on except to cause chaos and be annoying. Like, Chetney is a ridiculous character, purposefully so, but I think the way the fandom engages with that is often in the bad faith assumption that just because a character is ridiculous they can't be meaningful. (Remember how popular was the idea that Chet was just a joke character that Travis would kill off any day now? That there was no point in getting invested because he was "just a joke"?) Which, I, a person who grew up reading series after series of some of the most utterly ridiculous urban fantasy books out there--and loved them, because UF is a fundamentally absurd genre--loudly disagree with. I often think you can find some of the most profound sentiments in the world buried in utter ridiculousness (what did Brennan say? "Profundity and absurdity are deeply in love"? Because THAT).

I just think people often take the face value of something ridiculous or absurd and never bother to sit with anything deeper about it, and I think that's more what's at play here with Chetney than his physical attractiveness, though I do still think that's an aspect of it. If people take Fearne/Chetney seriously (and I don't mean as some sort of intensely romantic, monogamous couple--we all know they're not that) it means acknowledging that Chetney can be treated seriously as a character with depth and worth in exploring a romantic relationship. And it's so much easier to just keep it surface value and think he's just a randy weirdo shooting shots (and, hopefully, getting shot down. Because who wants their favorite to end up in a relationship with someone they think won't add any depth to the dynamic?)

There is also some ship war stuff happening here, especially in regards to why Chetney is erased from the threesome (keeping him away from Fearne) which is conversely why people really seem to like Chetney/Deanna but also don't create much if any fan content for it (still not engaging with Chetney, but also, hey! At least he's away from Fearne). I won't get into the specifics of it all too much because I think ship wars are unbelievably stupid and I hate the idea of accidentally calling that to me, but I feel like it definitely exists as an undercurrent of Chetney-hate and his erasure from the threesome.

[hugheshugs]

i don't want you to hate me | q. hughes

prompts: #1 — "what do you want?" / #28 — "i hate you."

summary: you like quinn but for some reason, he just can't stand you. one day, his hatred goes too far. ❆

pairing: mean!quinn x friendly!reader

word count: 3.6k

note: i was like "how do i write this without making quinn seem like a bitch"... enjoy !!

you don't know what you did to him. since the day you two first met, it seemed as though quinn wanted nothing more than to quit the team and never see you again.

it never got to you. well, that's what you tell yourself. you never let his snarky remarks or rude comments affect you outwardly, even though you know they do. they hurt you, they tug at the strings of your heart and play you like a puppet.

you let him say whatever he wants, do whatever he wants, because in the end you want nothing more than to gain his love — due to the fact that you love everything about him. the way his eyes crinkle when someone says something he disagrees with to the way he scratches his ear when he's uncomfortable, you love it all. you're hopelessly falling for him without a warning and everyone can see it but him.

in your opinion, there's nothing more amazing than watching him play. his skating ability, the passion he has for the game, how he isn't scared to throw a punch when necessary, you could go on. there's something so thrilling and lively about him, and you let him get away with everything he wants if it ensures his happiness, even at the cost of your own.

you make your way to the rink to watch the morning skate, excited to see the canucks practice. perk of working for them; you get to watch your favourite team play whenever you want. the first time you went to watch their practice was with your friend, who has no issues with confrontation. you, on the other hand, were terrified that travis green would kick you out. he seemed a bit scary to you (and he still does), but he was actually quite nice and let you both stay. that was months ago, and since then you've been able to come by yourself every time.

you've also been able to make some friends on the team, elias being your best. you accompany them to parties, help them with dates and everything in between. you smile as you walk into the rink and see everyone on the ice. the dress you're wearing fails to keep you warm but luckily you were brought up in cold weather so it doesn't affect you too much.

"there's the little angel," conor smiles as he sees you.

a couple heads turn towards you but that of the one you want the most stays down, his gaze fixated on the puck against his stick. you let it slide, focusing on the boys skating up to you.

"how are you doing this fine morning?" conor asks, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

you giggle, covering your mouth. "i'd rather be in my bed but here we are."

"i'd rather you be in your bed too, but here you are.." you hear quinn's voice.

you hadn't even realized he'd skated over that quickly. elias purposely bumps into him, not liking the way he speaks around you.

"i was just telling the truth," quinn defends.

"don't listen to him, he doesn't mean it," brock reassures.

"oh, no it's okay, i know he does," you nod almost proudly. "good morning quinn."

"i hope you have the worst day ever," he wishes before skating away.

you almost laugh. you would if you didn't care so much about him. his tone was funny, that you'd give him.

"he didn't mean it," brock says once again.

"i'm fine, don't worry," you smile lightly.

they excuse themselves after a couple minutes of small talk and continue practice, leaving you alone with your thoughts. fortunately, the team distracts you enough to keep you from overthinking.

the hope in your heart never fades as you watch quinn, thinking he might just look back at you, even if it's only for a second — but he doesn't. sighing, you turn your gaze back to the others and the moment your eyes leave quinn's, he stares right at you. you don't catch him and spend the rest of the day moping, planning how to gain his interest.

you don't realize that you already have more than just his attention.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

days pass and you're in the conference room by yourself, working away on your laptop as you create content for the canucks to post on social media. you don't know why you're sitting at the long table by yourself, surrounded by silence. it seems like the only way to get away from quinn's attitude.

every time you talk to anyone on the team, he's right at your shoulder, pestering you until you leave. you successfully make it look like he has no affect on you but this only makes him try his hardest to be meaner whenever you're near.

the door to the room you're in is open and the canucks walk past, just ending their meeting across the hall. some greet you as they pass by, others too busy to notice you're there. you hear footsteps walking toward you and lift your head up to see conor.

"hey, garly! what's up?" you ask politely, giving him your full attention.

"just saw you all by yourself and wanted to give you some company," he shrugs, taking a seat beside you.

your heart warms and you smile. "that's sweet of you, but i'm sure you have other things to do. i'm fine, really."

he opens his mouth and pauses, hesitating to ask you something. this makes you frown, now knowing something's wrong. you wait for him to speak up but he doesn't.

"what's wrong, garly?" you ask softly, putting a hand on his.

he lightly jumps up at this, his eyes flickering between yours and your conjoining hands. "i was just wondering if—"

"conor, we gotta go."

you recognize the voice instantly. it belongs to your favourite person. your concerned face turns upside down immediately.

"hi, quinn!" you greet.

"come on, conor." he ignores you, tapping his foot impatiently.

"where are we going?" conor furrows his eyebrows.

"coach wants to talk to us."

conor's mouth drops. "i thought we just—"

the look on quinn's face leaves no room for arguments. you've never seen him sport this expression and you can't help the butterflies coursing through your veins.

conor excuses himself with an apology before walking away, quinn leaving you with a glare on his way out.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

"we're going to a party tonight, if you wanna come."

you look back at elias who stands beside quinn, who stares at his best friend with every ounce of 'what the fuck are you doing?'

"she's not invited," quinn says sharply, the pang in your heart going unnoticed.

"what do you mean? i'm inviting her—"

"you can't invite her. it's not your party," quinn fights back.

"it's open invitation!" elias exclaims.

"well, to be completely fucking honest, i just don't want her there," quinn crosses his arms.

you unconsciously crinkle your eyes at his harsh words. the two continue bickering, elias fighting for you and quinn fighting against you.

"guys, stop arguing!" you shout over their voices. "i have plans tonight so i can't come, sorry petey."

you actually don't have plans tonight. you would go to the party if you had any sort of will to socialize but you don't, and you also wanted quinn to be happy. if he'd rather not have you there then you wouldn't go, it's as simple as that.

"plans?" elias questions.

you freeze, not having an excuse prepared. "mhm, i'm going on a date."

quinn's head snaps toward you. "a date?"

your heart drops. you don't want him to know you like him but you don't want him to think you're not interested in him, and now you've dug your grave. his alertness does excite you, however, and you find yourself willing to play along.

"yup, with this guy i met yesterday," you nod your head.

"i don't believe you," he tells you simply.

you frown. "why not?"

"you can't keep a guy around long enough to gain his interest, let alone convince him to go on a date with you," he replies sharply.

that one hurts. that one feels like a stab to the heart.

quinn holds the knife and plunges it deeper. "you're probably just a quick fuck to him. don't waste your time– or do, i couldn't care less."

your mouth parts as you look at him with hurt. you know he hates you but does he really think that low of you? he doesn't even think you have the potential to be loved?

"is that really all you think of me?" you ask quietly.

he bites the inside of his cheek and shrugs in response. "less than you think."

"quinn, what the fuck?" elias scolds, another arguments ensuing.

you sit up from your seat and gather your things, tears brimming at your eyes. keeping your head down, you push past both the boys but a hand on your arm keeps you from moving forward.

"if you don't go on that date.. the invite's open," elias says again. you look up at him with glossy eyes and nod, a smile making it's way onto your face.

he lets you go and you rush away, hoping to get as far as you possibly can. if only it were easy to forget the glass tainted words that left your lover's mouth.

if only you were able to call him your lover without it being so far from the truth.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

you stay in that evening and sob. as the night begins to fall, your friend calls and you break, not disclosing any details but letting her know you're heartbroken. it feels stupid, letting quinn affect you so much because you know he isn't even giving you a second thought. his words ring in your ears becoming louder and louder, and all you want is for it to stop.

"girl, we gotta get you out of bed and giving head!"

you nearly choke as you catch your breath, taken aback by her statement. you know you're not getting out of bed and you're most certainly not giving anyone head — unless that one boy on your mind were in question.

"i don't wanna go anywhere," you say shakily, rubbing your cheeks aggressively with the back of your hand to wipe your tears.

"there's no room for excuses! get dressed in one of your cute dresses, you're coming with me and we're going to a party," she insists, using her mom-voice.

you nearly groan, your mind tracing back to the party elias and quinn are going to. "no. i don't wanna."

"i'm picking you up in an hour, go get dressed."

"but—"

"i'll come over there, drag you out of bed and dress you myself if you aren't ready by the time i get there," she threatens strictly.

you know there's no getting out of this so you hang up and compose yourself. you take a shower and get ready for the party, almost wanting to crawl into a hole as you stare at yourself in the mirror.

you begin to think quinn's right. you aren't interesting enough to capture anyones eye. inside and out, all you are is plain and simple. there's nothing about you that stands out or makes you special. your puffy, red eyes almost tear up again but a knock on your door disrupts your thoughts. you sniffle and check yourself one last time, making sure you look decent before grabbing your purse and walking over to open the door.

your face remains emotionless as you're greeted by your cheerful friend, mabel. she's dressed amazingly, a short black dress hugging her tall frame. she looks hot — you don't.

"bub, you look so cute!" she exclaims, pulling you into a hug.

"thanks, you look really good as well," you mumble into her ear. your throat's sore from earlier and you're in no mood to talk, so your quiet voice would have to suffice.

she pulls away and you lock your apartment door. she drags you to her car immediately and you hope this party is worth it. you also hope it isn't the same one the boys are going to. the odds of that aren't very high, knowing vancouver on a friday night isn't quiet, but you can't rule out the possibility.

"so, who's that little bitch that made you cry?" mabel broke the silence.

your eyebrows crease. "he's not little or a bitch."

"well clearly he is, if he made you cry."

"i think lots of people can make me cry."

"you have a point.." she mutters as we pull up to a raging house.

your eyes brighten, cheeks flickering with the colours bouncing off your skin from whatever disco light was being used inside. your jaw drops slightly at the amount of people inside, let alone the size of the house.

"where are we?" you ask slightly in awe but hesitantly.

"i dunno, just have some friends that are here so i thought it would be fun," mabel shrugs, putting the car in park.

you both exit and make your way into the house, your nose wrinkling from the smell of marijuana and smelly bodies pressing up against each other. you hope your perfume lasts long enough to get you through the party without smelling bad.

your friend makes her way to the kitchen and you follow closely behind like a lost puppy, not knowing what to do without her guidance. you feel awkward and out of place, especially because you don't recognize anyone. she offers you a drink but you refuse.

"oh come on, you need it more than me! i'm not drinking tonight and one of us has to," she insists.

"i'm really not up for it tonight," you say apologetically.

she groans. "you so need to get laid. come on, lets go find some hot men."

before you have a chance to reply, she's already pulling you outside to where you assume the single men hang out. you wrap your arms around yourself, the cold air seeping into your skin and giving you goosebumps. you scold yourself for not bringing a jacket or sweater but then realize none of the girls are wearing one either.

your gaze remains on the grass, knowing no man here is giving you the time of day. mabel guides you around, whispering about every boy she thinks you might make a great couple with.

when you finally look up, you're greeted by the one person you were dreading to see. just your luck — your eyes lock with quinn's and you find yourself at a loss for words. your throat closes up but you swallow down the growing lump. you aren't going to act like a kid at this party. you aren't going to cry because of him, not again.

he doesn't spare you a second glance, looking away immediately and going back to the conversation he was having with the guy beside him. you refrain from smiling at his outfit. he sports a black fitted short sleeve tee and a pair of dark jeans. he almost looks like a frat boy but that doesn't stop your heart from beating with both love and anguish. a single strand of his fluffy brown hair rests upon his forehead and you know all the girls in the vicinity are swooning over him — probably even the guys.

mabel and you walk to a large group, and she introduces you to whom you now know are the friends she briefly mentioned earlier. there are four of them, one being an insanely attractive man who can't keep his eyes off you. you. you don't realize it at first but after you catch his stare a couple times, you begin to worry.

do you have something on your face? do you look bad? is your hair messy, are you doing something wrong? countless thoughts race through your head but none of them think for even a split second that he may be interested in you.

quinn, on the far side on the backyard, hasn't been able to keep his eyes off of you, either. he also can't keep his eyes off the weird guy who seems to be undressing you with his eyes. he hates that you didn't stay home by yourself. he hates that you're now at a party, amongst a bunch of horny men who only have the intentions to get laid by a pretty girl.

he's mean to you for reasons only he understands, but he's starting to feel like he's taking it too far. he watches you from his seat as you converse with the other guy. you throw your head back in laughter and quinn thinks it's the most beautiful sight. he grows jealous at the thought of seeing you with another guy even though he knows it's the consequence of his own actions.

you don't feel quinn's intimidating stare as the man beside you rests his hand on your thigh. he scoots his seat closer to you and whispers something in your ear.

"do you wanna get out of here? we can go get dessert or do whatever you want. i wasn't having fun until you showed up."

you know you shouldn't. you know it would be a bad idea but you can't help yourself from biting your lip and nodding. he's mabel's friend, which means you can trust him. he doesn't have any bad intentions and neither do you. you rethink your decision the minute he stands up and holds his hand out for you. then, your eyes meet quinn's and you know this is exactly what you need to do.

you both say bye to your friends, mabel winking at you as you leave. you shake your head and follow the guy — jason — back to his car. you almost make it without any problems but a voice and heavy footsteps rushing towards you catch you off guard.

you freeze in your spot. you know exactly who it is, it would be a crime if you didn't.

"hey, y/n! where are you going?"

you turn around to see quinn and he isn't even huffing and puffing to catch his breath. you're almost impressed until you think for a moment and wonder what the hell he's doing.

"i'm going somewhere with my friend?" you question no one in particular.

"i thought we were going to your boyfriend's house after the party, though," quinn ponders aloud and your jaw drops.

"boyfriend? quinn, what are you—"

"woah, you have a boyfriend?" jason backs away slightly.

you look at quinn in disbelief. "no, he's lying!"

"no, i'm not. she's known for sleeping around man, she's got STDs," quinn directs the last part to jason and you feel your heartbeat in your ears.

what is he doing? you think to yourself. what is he getting out of this?

"woah, get away from my car! you little slut," jason demands loudly.

you obey, feeling your heart sink you your stomach. you've never been called anything like that before and you didn't expect it to hurt as much as it does, water pooling at your eyes. you shuffle forward to stand beside quinn.

"thanks for letting me know, man," jason thanks quinn.

"no problem."

they do one of those weird hug handshakes and you shiver with disgust but also from the chilling wind nipping at your cheeks. you watch as jason drives off and you want to rush inside but you stay put, wanting quinn to explain what just happened.

you want to scream. you want to shout in anger and hurt. you want him to know how bad he makes you feel. you want him to know how much pain he puts you in by just being himself and being so pathetically perfect in your eyes no matter what he does. the way he makes you happy and sad at the same time, the way he makes the two voices in your head go at each other for hours on end — you want to tell him everything.

after all this pain and suffering he puts you through, what does he gain? what did he gain by telling some random dude you have STDs? and what on earth did he gain from hearing you get called a slut?

"why did you do that?" you ask as calmly as you can muster.

"do what?" quinn asks, shrugging his shoulders.

his nonchalant response invokes a feeling you didn't know you could feel towards him. is it anger? no, it can't be.

"why did you scare him away? i just wanted to have fun—"

"you want him for 'candy canes and rainbows' fun, he wants you for 'lets fuck until the sunrise' fun. i was just doing you a favour," he cuts me off.

"you don't have to do that, though! why are you always in my way?" you ask shakily.

you've had enough. he's been ruining the simplest of moments for you, the ones you hold close, and you aren't going to let him get away with it without an answer.

"because i hate you. i hate you with every fucking bone in my goddamn body and it physically pains me to see you happy," he confesses through his teeth.

if you weren't frozen before, you sure are frozen now. you don't know how to respond. you knew he hated you, but to that extent? it hurts like a bandaid being ripped off.

"what did i ever do to you?"

"everything. i don't even know how to explain how much you irritate me. you make me want to be the worst version of myself and to be a bad person. i don't like you and i never will."

tears drip from your eyes and your stomach churns.

"you are a bad person. i could tell you that in a heartbeat."

and even though your heart is breaking, you know it'll continue beating for him, because a broken heart will always belong to its destroyer.

part 2

[ipuckwithhockey]

Just Ask- N. Patrick

a/n: More Nolan stuff? Yup. I should preface this with the fact that we should all be considerate of all hockeys and their personal lives. They have lives that do not include us and we should respect that. This includes their online accounts whether they are private or public. I say that because this does slightly touch on Nolan’s music taste/interest in music, but there’s nothing specific. Also, lets remember that this is all fiction! We’re just here to have some fun. Anyway, this is a short one, nothing too crazy. Let me know what y’all think!

warnings: drinking, swearing

------

Meeting the Flyers was a byproduct of your friendship with Carly. The two of you have been friends for ages and she introduced you to the boys early into her relationship with Travis. You were able to avoid being the consistent third wheel by finding a comfortable place within Travis’ group of friends. Although Carly and Travis have insisted that they try to set you up with someone on the team, you continually refused, saying that it would be awkward if it didn’t work out. Not to mention the fact that you didn’t think any of the guys were interested.

The lovesick couple bothered you about it for ages, trying to push Beezer and Frosty on you, and then saying that you and Nolan would be “so cute” together. Joel and Morgan were great, you loved them both dearly, but there was no way you were dating either one of them. They were more compatible with each other than with you.

However, the last one you didn’t disagree with. You agreed, and thought that you and Nolan would make an exceptionally cute couple. It takes two to tango though, and Nolan definitely isn’t interested. Nolan has always been friendly and your personalities mesh well enough that you would consider him a good friend. The two of you even hang out by yourselves when TK and Carly cancel on you to do god knows what. You’ll grab food or watch a movie, but he has never made any inclination that he feels anything more than platonic towards you.

Nolan is shy, and dry, yet incredibly funny. He’s blunt and has a few sharp edges to him, but he’s not the fiery time bomb that TK resembles. He’s more reserved, laid back, and you can feel at ease with him because of it. You loved Travis to bits, and he was the perfect match for Carly’s outgoing personality, but you can only handle so much of him.

Take right now for example. You’re standing in the kitchen of a post-win house party, and Travis is incessantly nagging you to go talk to Nolan. The house you’re in is full to the brim with people you’re sure they don’t know and you and Travis are in the kitchen fixing yourselves another round of drinks. From where you’re standing you can see Nolan in the family room towering over a few doe eyed girls who hang on his every word. They are fixated on him, and you think that he could tell them to get on their knees right then and there and they would do it gladly. (You’re not sure you would say no either, so no judgement there.) 

You’ve seen him take girls home from parties and bars, and he’s seen you with your fair share of conquests as well. It doesn’t bother you, and you figure it doesn’t bother Nolan either. Would you mind being the girl he took home? No, not at all, but unfortunately that was a role you would probably never be cast in. Even if you were you wouldn’t want to be one of those other girls anyway. You wanted to be the girl. You wanted to be the girl who made him forget about all the girls before you.

Your silent pining was becoming a little sad, and as much as you hated it, you couldn’t do anything to change how you felt about him. When you first met Nolan, you figured your little crush would soon dissipate, but the opposite ended up occurring. Now you were the sad, lonely, pining girl. You hated being her, but you couldn’t help it. You were totally gone for him.

“Come on, he’s not even listening to whatever those girls are saying to him. And you know he’s been checking you out since you got here.” Travis lays it out simply for you but you’re quick to refute, “Trav, he’s only looking over here because you haven’t stopped staring at him all night. If any two people at this party are into each other it’s you and Nolan, not me and Nolan.”

“What are you guys getting so heated about over here? And why do you keep looking at Nolan like that, Trav?” Carly comes over to tuck herself into Travis’ side as he puts his arm around her. You make a face at Travis as to say, “I told you.”

“He won’t leave me alone about Nolan, thinks I should go over there and interrupt the fan club.” You motion in the direction of where Nolan is still standing in front of his little doe eyed fans.

Carly’s eyes light up, “Oh, he totally checked you out earlier! You should go over there. Scare all those little girls away. They never had a chance anyway,” she explains matter-of-factly.

“Carly! You’re supposed to me on my side, remember?” You look between your friend and her boyfriend, who’s grin is getting bigger and bigger as spreads across his face.

“Look, you can deny it for as long as you like, but he’s totally into you, and you’re totally into him. Travis and I both know it.” Carly and Travis look so satisfied with themselves, that they think they’ve played matchmaker between the two of you, but you’re still not convinced.

“Ok, give me 5 reasons you think he could possibly like me, or that we are somehow compatible, and then maybe I’ll go over there.” You motion back in Nolan’s direction.

Travis is quick to the pitch, “You’re both oddly quiet. Like it kind of freaks me out when I come into the room and it’s just the two of you sitting there on the couch, and you’re not even talking! Sometimes the TV isn’t even on. It’s just silent. Like who even does that?”

This elicits an eye roll from you as you remember the many times Travis has walked in on you and Nolan sitting in a quiet room together, neither of you feeling the need to constantly fill the air with pointless conversation. Travis has never understood it.

“What about how Nolan always gets you drinks when we’re out?” Carly chimes in.  “He doesn’t do that for everyone. Hell, I don’t think he’s ever asked me if I needed another when he’s headed up to the bar.”

You’ve never noticed that he doesn’t ask anyone else when he goes up to the bar. Thinking about it now, it does seem kind of odd. But the two of you will often find yourselves next to each other while you’re stuffed inside a packed bar on any given weekend, and you figure he’s just being nice since you’re usually one of the only single ones there.

“That’s only two, and your reasoning is horrible. He’s just being nice and being introverted is not a crime.” You lean back onto the counter behind you as you cross your arms in front of your chest.  Now you’re facing toward the open room where one of the girls has inched her way closer to Nolan.

“He’s been a lot more excited to go out lately. He always asks if you’re coming. The last time we all went out I gave him a hard time about it. I don’t think his face has ever been that red.” Travis explains. “That’s another one! Whenever you show up or you do that thing that girls do when they’re flirting, you know the one where they touch a guy’s arm when they’re talking, he gets so red. Like tomato red.” Travis isn’t very eloquent in delivery, but you understand what he’s saying. “That’s four, baby.” He reminds you.

“He gets red when anyone talks to him and whenever anyone is brave enough to touch him. And I do not do that flirting thing.”  You look to Carly for reassurance, “Do I?” you ask.  She doesn’t offer the reassurance you were looking for, instead stating, “Oh, you totally do that. Sorry, you’re just not that subtle.”

“Oh my god.” You let your head hang back as you look up to the ceiling, “He probably thinks I’m an idiot or just creepy.” You really didn’t think you were that obvious, but clearly you were wrong. He probably feels bad for you because he knows you’re totally into him. “Well, if that wasn’t enough to deter me from ever speaking to him again, that’s still only four, so I think I’m going to call it a night and head home and then never show my face near Nolan again.” You try to exit the kitchen with the last bit of dignity you have left but Travis is quick to jump in front of you.

“Nope. I have a fifth one.” He’s standing there with is hands on his hips and you’re sure he thinks it makes him look more commanding. You just roll your eyes for what feels like the millionth time tonight.

“Really? You think it’s good enough to get me over there?” You quip back at him as you nod back towards Nolan.

“Oh yeah.” He nods back, “And if it makes you feel better Nolan is super obvious too. Like I said, tomato red.”

“So, are you going to tell me the fifth reason or are you just going to keep me hostage here all night?” Now you’re mimicking his stance with your hands placed firmly on your hips.

“It pains me to admit this one because he doesn’t even let me do this,” Travis sighs. “He lets you have the aux every time you’re in his car. No questions asked, he just lets you play whatever you want. Doesn’t even complain about it!”

You’re processing what Travis is saying. Nolan did always let you choose the music in the car, but you didn’t think anything of it. You probably grabbed the aux without hesitation the first time you hopped in his car. That’s just what you always did with your friends. It never dawned on you that he might not let other people do that too.

It checks out though, Nolan loves his music. It’s important to him, and his perfectly curated playlists are like little works of art for him. You’ve watched him manicure his playlists for hours as he sits on the couch, and admittedly you have similar taste in music. Maybe that’s why he didn’t care? Maybe you just always chose songs that he would have also picked? Although there was that one week where you made him listen to the Frozen soundtrack on repeat. He probably wouldn’t have picked that one…

You don’t have time to decide on why you think Nolan would ever let you get away with something he holds so sacred because he has since left his group of girls and has found his way into the kitchen where you’re still squared off with Travis.

“You guys gonna pull your pistols out soon?” Nolan mumbles an announcement that he has entered the room, and you realize that you’re still stood in front of TK, both of you with your hands on your hips.

“Nope, we were actually just heading out to play pong, we’ll see you guys later!” Travis quickly ushers himself and Carly out of the room, and before you can protest, you’re left alone with Nolan. He’s leaning against the counter opposite to you, and when you move your eyes to rest on his figure you can’t help but do a quick intake of just how good he looks. He’s wearing the same basic outfit that just about every other guy in the house is sporting, and yet it looks so much better on him.

“What was that about? You guys okay?” Nolan asks.

“Uh- Yeah, Trav just being Trav, you know?” You attempt to brush off the topic of what you and Travis were discussing prior to Nolan’s arrival. Similar to those times that Travis was referencing, neither of you feel compelled to fill the air with unneeded dialogue, and you fall into a comfortable silence. Neither of you are saying anything now and Nolan takes the time to twist off the cap to another beer from the fridge.

“I was gonna go out back. It’s too hot in here, wanna come?” Nolan nods his head to the sliding glass door at the other end of the kitchen, and you respond by following him out to the deck. The quietness and crisp winter air that fills your lungs is refreshing. The two of you lean against the railing of the deck and enjoy the break from the chaos inside. You continue in your silence and you can’t help but watch as Nolan takes long drags of his beer, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows.

“Can I ask you a question?” You ask, and without speaking he nods, giving you the go ahead.

“Why don’t you let Travis have the aux?”

Nolan chuckles a bit, “Of all the things you could ask, that’s what you choose?” he retorts before answering, “If you must know, he has horrible taste in music. But also, I don’t let anyone have the aux. My car, my music. It’s the rules,” he states, taking another quick swig of his beer that’s almost empty now.

He confirmed what Travis had said to you, but you’re not convinced. There had to be a catch. He probably never realized that you did it. You’re sure of it.

“But you let me have the aux?” You form the sentence with a question mark on the end, and your eyes follow Nolan as he leans over the railing to look out into the backyard. He’s avoiding meeting your eye, and you can tell he’s thinking, deciding on what he’s about to say.

“Probably ‘cus I can’t say no to you,” the muttered words come out under his breath, like he doesn’t want you to hear it.

“What? What does that mean?” He lets out a huff of air as his hands push is his long hair back out of his face, something he only does when he’s stressed.

His body turns to face you now, “You could literally tell me to jump off a bridge or run through this house naked, and I would probably do it. No questions asked.”

The quizzical look that occupies your face prompts him to continue. He’s frustrated, you can tell, “I just don’t know how to say this without fucking us up as friends…” He starts to pivot away from you again, but you reach out for his arm, stopping him from leaving, “What if I don’t want to be friends?” You’ve chosen to be the bold one now, and if it bit you the ass you were just going to have to live with that, but you can’t help but feel like you’ve both been on the same page all along.

“You don’t want to be friends with me?” Hurt. Confusion. Annoyance. They all flash across Nolan’s face before you can interject again, “I don’t want to be just friends with you. I want to be more than that. I want to be the girl you take home when this party is over, and the girl who gets to wake up next to you every morning after, and even if you don’t want that, you need to know that’s how I feel about yo—“

He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’tt pull you into a heart wrenching kiss, there aren’t fireworks playing behind you. To your surprise, Nolan has chosen to haul you over his shoulder, your arms falling over his back as he walks swiftly back into the house.

“NOLAN! What the fuck!? Put me down!” You yell at him as he continues to carry through the house. The party is so wild by now that you’re sure no one even notices the 6’2 hockey player with a girl over his shoulder.

“Nolan! Seriously. Put me down!” You’re feel like a little toddler who has gotten herself in trouble, and when Nolan finally does place your feet back on the ground, you’re outside next to his car that is parked in front of the house. He sets you down, and you’re slightly dizzy from being swung around like a rag doll, but he steadies you in front of him with his hands on your waist.

“What the fuck was tha—”

He cuts you off again, but this time he isn’t hauling your body into the air. This time his hands are on either side of your face and his lips find yours and there are even metaphorical fireworks going off as you kiss him back. You stand there, pushed against the side of his car, with his hands tangled in your hair, and your tongues exploring each other mouths. When you finally come up for air he pushes back away from you so that he can meet your eye.

“If you wanted to be that girl all you had to do was ask.” A smirk is plastered across his face, and you lightly shove at his chest even though it does little to move his large figure.

You surrender, “Okay, but we have to get an Uber, we’ve both had too much to drive.” You can’t help but grin back at him as he reaches for his phone to order a car for the both of you. When the car arrives, you get in to head back to Nolan’s apartment with your hands wrapped together. “I can’t believe Travis was right,” you say as you let your head rest on Nolan’s shoulder and he turns his head to you with his eyebrow furrowed, “Right about what?”

[beetlemancy]

Anon again: Thank you!! I appreciate you taking the time to answer me because I am kind of active in the community but very very new. I did know your opinions but being new I just wanted to know whether those recent posts held any weight. I want to be socially responsible with my media consumption and I was worried there was something I was missing, given I have seen specific call outs for certain cast members (Travis, Laura, Sam, and Liam) recently. Thanks again!!

Anon pt2: you don’t have to post this but for context the call out posts were as follows: Travis actively supports the military, Laura voiced a black character?, Sam did brown face??, and Liam is fake woke/virtual signaling (or something along those lines). Obviously I can find out information about this for myself but I have seen more anti-CR stuff lately which prompted my ask.

As with everything, I suggest you do your own reading on those topics, and any topic that comes up in regards to the media you watch. Below is simply my opinion. Note: this gets long.

Travis does support the military - but not as an institution. He has family in the military. He supports the soldiers. He works with Operation Supply Drop and I’d encourage you to look into OSD specifically. Whether you agree with the idea that we should even have a military or not, you cannot deny that our veterans and soldiers are given the short end of the stick. We cannot just abandon them because helping them might be viewed as giving money to the military. I have so many military vets in my disability groups. The VA is awful because it has no funding (I know good people who work at the VA too, but they just cannot help everyone like they’d want to). Programs like OSD are genuinely helpful to a lot of hurting folk and the people who shit on Travis and CR for promoting and helping them out have clearly never actually sat down and talked to a vet or a soldier before. 

Laura and many many other voice actors have voiced people of color in various shows. Yes, this is a legit problem. However, obviously as with most things, the problem is nuanced. The fault mainly lies with the VO industry as a whole, in that actors actually have very little control over what they do. There was a whole strike about this very topic (though the strike covered other issues in the industry as well). In the case of Laura, for instance, she was never told what her character would look like until after the fact. And that is super common in the industry. One of the things they tried to get in the strike was more transparency so that actors could make the decisions themselves whether to voice characters or not - not just based on race or culture but also based on type of work (stressful screaming vs chill dialogue) and whether the content of the game itself was something they wanted their name attached to. 

Sam’s blackface scandal is extremely old news. That’s not to say it isn’t important to note, and in fact Sam made a point to note it again back in 2018. I know people who can’t watch CR because of it, even after his apology, and that’s fine because its not my place to judge others for how they react to that kind of thing. However I know a lot of people who read his apology and the circumstances surrounding it and decided to forgive. To some people, the fact that he was asked to do so by will.i.am changes the situation. To others, it doesn’t. To some the fact that he apologized and has clearly worked to improve his behavior matters, to others it doesn’t. You have to decide that for yourself. You can read Sam’s letter HERE. 

Now. Regarding Liam. * sigh * I think, and again this is my opinion, that you cannot proclaim someone you do not know as ‘fake woke.’ I think there are parts of this fandom that have it out for Liam because of a whole bunch of gross reasons, many of which I’ve spoken about before. He is sensitive and a man - that makes people uncomfy. He plays a lot of women characters and tends to embody them in both personality and body language - that makes people uncomfy. He fully embraces the bi energy (this is not to say whether he himself is or not) - that makes a lot of people uncomfy (and angry). He loves theatre and loves to explore the human condition, warts and all - that makes people super uncomfy. Now. There are people who thinks he’s homophobic. Do you know why? Its because his bi character ended up with a woman instead of a man. That is biphobia, no matter how they twist it. Bi people being “allowed” to be bi and not ‘pick the right side’ in the LG (not BT, lets be real) community IS revolutionary because its so very hated. 

Another reason they say he’s homophobic is because of the jokes he is often involved in - some gay men in the fandom believe that joking about sex is him ‘making fun’ of gay relationships. As a bi enby, I disagree, and I read many of the jokes he himself makes as the kind of humor I use among my own friends. I think there is a definite disconnect between bi vs LG humor and I’m not entirely sure who would be considered in the ‘right’ on that. However, when LG people in the fandom claim that he cannot talk about gay relationships because he is cishet? They cannot know that. That is an assumption they are making. When LG fans say that he alone is responsible for this issue and not -literally every single member of CR- ? I have to question whether its really the issue and not just that they still hate Liam for deigning to make a bi character bi instead of gay.

Another thing re: Liam. Aside from Marisha, he is the one I see the most hate about. People on Twitter and Tumblr both have legit uttered death threats about him if he doesn’t do exactly what they want his characters to do in the game. Usually this is about shipping. I have seen people claim that they WISH he was ‘like vic mignogna’ so they’d have a reason to hate him more. I’ve seen a certain group of people and one in particular say they have ‘dirt’ on him but refuse to say what the dirt is - and yet continually bring up that it exists, but that they just cannot say. Why would you incessantly bring up information you possess just to say that you cannot divulge such information? 

Legit issues about CR that is attached to Liam is the whitewashing issue. Some say that only Liam is responsible here because he controls all the art. I would say that we actually don’t know that for sure. He is ‘Art Dad’ and clearly has some pull. I do think that CR should address this issue, but I’m not sure they can legally do what the fandom wants them to do, which is “call-out” artists by name and denounce them. Now, this too is more nuanced than the fandom makes out because its often way more about colorism vs whitewashing. Many people do not draw Beau as white, but they do draw her as much lighter skin tones than her original art. Colorism is a real problem, but white allies tend to go about talking about it wrong or making smaller things a bigger deal when POC would really rather talk about something more important to them. It was these same white allies that tore Mica Burton apart on Twitter because she liked and enjoyed a drawing of Reani, her own character, that was a few shades lighter than the drawing she herself had brought in, even after she had said that she appreciated the variety of skin tones due to seeing herself in each of them. On the topic of whitewashing/colorism in the fandom, I personally tend to wait to hear from POC over the masses of white allies.

The CR fandom is very big for a niche thing like DnD. As such, there are many many corners of the fandom that can get really jaded, really dark, and really up their own ass in regards to the discourse. There are legitimate issues in the fandom and with CR as a whole. Nothing is perfect, nothing ever will be perfect, and people should absolutely do what they can to do better and to ask their media to do better. That being said, there are also people who think that if you don’t do something exactly like they want, then you’re Problematic by default. There are also members of this fandom who have an active vendetta against certain cast members and will use any opportunity to co-opt legit issues in order to shore up their false arguments. These people are only using the real issues and it becomes clear pretty quickly that they don’t actually give a shit about the people they say they are trying to speak up for. 

There is also some fandom drama that has occurred ONLY in fandom and has absolutely nothing to do with CR other than the fact that the people involved happen to be CR fans. Certain people in the fandom think that CR should arbitrate this issue and involve themselves, call out the individuals responsible, etc. This is, I believe, a GROSS misconception of what CR’s role is and asking way too much of a source of entertainment. The fact that CR has not involved themselves in this issue has led certain members of this fandom to claim that CR is homophobic. I would caution that most callouts of CR as homophobic are directly linked to this first issue, and also a callback to the Vaxleth drama from campaign one, and is incontrovertibly tied to bi and enby-phobia and a seriously sick misunderstanding of the responsibilities a show has versus the responsibility individuals have as viewers of said show. 

That’s it for now. I could go way more in depth on this problems, but I’m tired of typing. Suffice it to say, its easy to make a list of things Problematic with CR, but once you actually delve into each topic hopefully you’ll realize how complicated and filled with nuance and Different Opinions going on back from the first episode of Campaign One... Listing problems without actually addressing them head-on isn’t a good way to deal with the problems that are true anyway, let alone tell them from the false ones. 

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal Thoughts on... Hot Couture

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

First, please note that this post may have some spoilers… I tried to do my best to avoid them as much as possible, but it’s quite hard, so I thought about letting you know because not everyone has access to the VIP books and I don’t mean to be disrespectful because I seriously hate it when people release spoilers without an alert.

Second… it’s been a long time! I’ve been working on a couple of posts, but I feel that everything regarding Choices has been so tense in the last two months that I decided to just read the weekly releases and keep myself out of Tumblr. I’ve been waiting for the right moment to post them, so maybe soon I’ll do something about it (I’m also waiting to read all the fan fictions I know I’ve been missing!).

Third… yup, I got the VIP. So I’ll do my best to catch up on the VIP books as soon as possible so maybe you can have an idea about it when trying to decide whether to get it or not. I also hope to make a long review on the whole VIP experience as soon as I finish all the three books that have been fully released, but today I’ll be reviewing only the first book I finished: Hot Couture.

I’m not going to lie: based on the comments of people who first tested the books, I didn’t have high expectations on this story, that’s why I read it first (basically, I wanted to get rid of it). But to my surprise, I ended up being super invested in it (and a little sad because it’s a standalone). The book is also genderlocked, so this might kill your mood if you’re a guy who enjoys playing as a male character. We have three main LIs (Marco, Travis and Luz) but we also have a chance to have some fling with Hazel, our boss. The story is placed somewhere after Red Carpet Diaries 2 (and maybe even after RCD 3), as there is a Chris Winters appearance that gives us some hints (our MC has already watched “The Last Duchess” and Chris’ baby is apparently eating food already) and the main plot is about our MC (her default name is Emma Moore) who moves from Connecticut to New York to try to pursue a career as a fashion designer. Her goal is to get a job at Hazel Boutique, where her college friend Luz already works in the business department. But things don’t go as expected and she ends up becoming a model.

There are so many things I enjoyed about this book! First of all, without being a mind-blowing story, I think it’s pretty well-written. Then, the chapters are long. This is actually cool because even if you don’t use diamonds, every character has their own time to develop (and yep, all three main LIs have similar screentime), so when you finish the book, you don’t feel like there are plot holes or unsolved questions regarding anyone… I mean, I would have loved to see a second book just to follow the evolution of the characters (especially of the MC), but it works pretty well as a standalone as well. Your enemies are pretty clear (or they’re very predictable) since the first chapter, so don’t expect huge plot twists on that matter. Also, I’ve been noticing that during the last few months it’s getting harder to access our closets to change our MC’s clothes as much as we want to. Well, Hot Couture goes back to the old closet system and you can mix and match your hairstyles and clothes as you please throughout the story. And finally… our MC can wear glasses! That’s a HUGE “yes!” from me!

Of course, not everything is perfect. As you can imagine, most of the diamonds are spent in clothes and hairstyles, so this is a pretty expensive book, as you’re basically buying new outfits and/or hairstyles almost every single chapter (the basics are pretty cute though! Not spectacular, but cute). Of course, we also have a “mood board” that we must complete to have access to some exclusive scene at the end of the book (I usually complete them because I’m a sucker for extra scenes, but I’m getting tired of having to collect stuff in almost every single book). Don’t expect new faces, at least when it comes to the MC (they reuse the Bloodbound faces). I would have loved to see a deeper insight of the problems that models must face; I mean eating disorders, rivalries, the stress of feeling that you’re “disposable” for the industry, and so on… I think they tried to do that with Cleo, one of the models, but it was very superficial, so they missed a great opportunity there. And as per the LIs, they’re all pretty cool people as friends and significant others (by the way, don’t expect the 30 diamond scenes to be like the ones in “The Nanny Affair”… they’re probably more like “The Freshman” style), but things seemed a little rushed by the end of the book. The stories were developing at a nice pace, but in the end, I felt like the writers realized they were running out of chapters and tried to speed things a little bit, but it felt a little forced in my opinion (maybe it would have worked better with one extra chapter).

I had a blast reading this story; I can’t even remember when was the last time that it only took me a few days to finish a book. Sure, it’s a romance book (and I’m a sucker for romance books), but as the main focus is not on romance, it’s pretty enjoyable even if you want to remain single or you don’t care about romance at all. The fact that you can change your look or reuse your clothes as many times as you want is also very, very nice. And finally, the secondary characters (there are a lot!) are pretty important in the story, so you don’t feel like they’re unnecessary people in the plot. Not a masterpiece, but a pretty enjoyable story that I might even replay in the future to try some new choices.

[betterdaysareatoenailaway]

Random Review #3: Sleepwalkers (1992) and “Sleep Walk” (1959)

I. Sleepwalkers (1992) I couldn’t sleep last night so I started watching a trashy B-movie penned by Stephen King specifically for the screen called Sleepwalkers (1992). Simply put, the film is an unmitigated disaster. A piece of shit. But it didn’t need to be. That’s what’s so annoying about it. By 1992 King was a grizzled veteran of the silver screen, with more adaptations under his belt than any other author of his cohort. Puzo had the Godfather films (1972 and 1974, respectively), sure, but nothing else. Leonard Gardner had Fat City (1972), a movie I love, but Gardner got sucked into the Hollywood scene of cocaine and hot tub parties and never published another novel, focusing instead on screenplays for shitty TV shows like NYPD Blue. After Demon Seed (1977), a movie I have seen and disliked, nobody would touch Dean Koontz’s stuff with a ten foot pole, which is too bad because The Voice of the Night, a 1980 novel about two young pals, one of whom is a psychopath trying to convince the other to help him commit murder, would make a terrific movie. But Koontz’s adaptations have been uniformly awful. The made-for-TV film starring John C McGinley, 1997′s Intensity, is especially bad. There are exceptions, but Stephen King has been lucky enough to avoid the fate of his peers. Big name directors have tackled his work, from Stanley Kubrick to Brian De Palma. King even does a decent job of acting in Pet Semetary (1989), in his own Maximum Overdrive (1986) and in George Romero’s Creepshow (1982), where he plays a yokel named Jordy Verril who gets infected by a meteorite that causes green weeds to grow all over his body. Many have criticized King’s over-the-top performance in that flick, but for me King perfectly nails the campy and comical tone that Romero was going for. The dissolves in Creepshow literally come right off the pages of comics, so people expecting a subtle Ordinary People-style turn from King had clearly walked into the wrong theatre. Undoubtedly Creepshow succeeds at what it set out to do. I’m not sure Sleepwalkers succeeds though, unless the film’s goal was to get me to like cats even more than I already do. But I already love cats a great deal. Here’s my cat Cookie watching me edit this very blog post. 

And here’s one of my other cats, Church, named after the cat that reanimates and creeps out Louis and Ellie in Pet Sematary. Photo by @ScareAlex.

SPOILER ALERT: Do not keep reading if you plan on watching Sleepwalkers and want to find out for yourself what happens.

Stephen King saw many of his novels get adapted in the late 1970s and 80s: Carrie, The Shining, Firestarter, Christine, Cujo, and the movie that spawned the 1950s nostalgia industrial complex, Stand By Me, but Sleepwalkers was the first time he wrote a script specifically for the screen rather than adapting a novel that already existed. Maybe that’s why it’s so fucking bad. Stephen King is a novelist, gifted with a novelist’s rich imagination. He’s prone to giving backstories to even the most peripheral characters - think of Joe Chamber’s alcoholic neighbour Gary Pervier in the novel Cujo, who King follows for an unbelievable number of pages as the man stumbles drunkenly around his house spouting his catch phrase “I don’t give a shit,” drills a hole through his phone book so he can hang it from a string beside his phone, complains about his hemorrhoids getting “as big as golfballs” (I’m not joking), and just generally acts like an asshole until a rabid Cujo bounds over, rips his throat out, and he bleeds to death. In the novel Pervier’s death takes more than a few pages, but it makes for fun reading. You hate the man so fucking much that watching him die feels oddly satisfying. In the movie, though, his death occurs pretty quickly, and in a darkened hallway, so it’s hard to see what’s going on aside from Gary’s foot trembling. And Pervier’s “I don’t give a shit” makes sense when he’s drilling a hole in the phone book, not when he’s about to be savagely attacked by a rabid St Bernard. There’s just less room for back story in movies. In a medium that demands pruning and chiseling and the “less is more” dictum, King’s writing takes a marked turn for the worse. King is a prose maximalist, who freely admits to “writing to outrageous lengths” in his novels, listing It, The Stand, and The Tommyknockers as particularly egregious examples of literary logorrhea. He is not especially equipped to write concisely. This weakness is most apparent in Sleepwalkers’ dialogue, which sounds like it was supposed to be snappy and smart, like something Aaron Sorkin would write, but instead comes off like an even worse Tango & Cash, all bad jokes and shitty puns. More on those bad jokes later. First, the plot.

Sleepwalkers is about a boy named Charles and his mother Mary who travel around the United States killing and feeding off the lifeforce of various unfortunate people (if this sounds a little like The True Knot in Doctor Sleep, you’re not wrong. But self-plagiarism is not a crime). Charles and Mary are shapeshifting werewolf-type creatures called werecats, a species with its very own Wikipedia page. Wikipedia confers legitimacy dont’cha know, so lets assume werecats are real beings. According to said page, a werecat, “also written in a hyphenated form as were-cat) is an analogy to ‘werewolf’ for a feline therianthropic creature.” I’m gonna spell it with the hyphen from now on because “werecats” just looks like a typo. Okay? Okay.

Oddly enough, the were-cats in Sleepwalkers are terrified of cats. Actual cats. For the were-cats, cute kittens = kryptonite. When they see a cat or cats plural, this happens to them:

^ That is literally a scene from the movie. Charles is speeding when a cop pulls alongside him and bellows at him to pull over. Ever the rebel, Charles flips the cop the finger. But the cop has a cat named Clovis in his car, and when the cat pops up to have a look at the kid (see below), Charles shapeshifts first into a younger boy, then into whatever the fuck that is in the above screenshot.

Now, the were-cats aversion to normal cats is confusing because one would assume a were-cat to be a more evolved (or perhaps devolved?) version of the typical house kitty. The fact that these were-cats are bipedal alone suggests an advantage over our furry four-legged friends, no? Kinda like if humans were afraid of fucking gorillas. Wait...we are scared of gorillas. And chimpanzees. And all apes really. Okay, maybe the conceit of the film isn’t so silly after all. The film itself, however, is about as silly as a bad horror movie can get. When the policeman gets back to precinct and describes the incident above (”his face turned into a blur”) he is roundly ridiculed because in movies involving the supernatural nobody believes in the supernatural until it confronts them. It’s the law, sorry. Things don’t end well for the cop. Or for the guy who gets murdered when the mom stabs him with...an ear of corn. Yes, an ear of corn. Somehow, the mother is able to jam corn on the cob through a man’s body, without crushing the vegetable or turning it into yellow mash. It’s pretty amazing. Here is a sample of dialog from that scene: Cop About To Die On The Phone to Precinct: There’s blood everywhere! *STAB* Murderous Mother: No vegetables, no dessert. That is actually a line in the movie. “No vegetables, no dessert.” It’s no “let off some steam, Bennett” but it’s close. Told ya I’d get back to the bad jokes. See, Mary and Charles are new in town and therefore seeking to ingratiate themselves by killing everyone who suspects them of being weird, all while avoiding cats as best they can. At one point Charles yanks a man’s hand off and tells him to "keep [his] hands to [him]self," giving the man back his severed bloody hand. Later on Charles starts dating a girl who will gradually - and I do mean gradually - come to realize her boyfriend is not a real person but in fact a were-cat. Eventually our spunky young protagonist - Madchen Amick, who fans of Twin Peaks will recognize as Shelly - and a team of cats led by the adorable Clovis- kill the were-cat shapeshifting things and the sleepy small town (which is named Travis for some reason) goes back to normal, albeit with a slightly diminished population. For those keeping score, that’s Human/Cat Alliance 1, Shapeshifting Were-cats 0. It is clear triumph for the felis catus/people team! Unless we’re going by kill count, in which case it is closer to Human/Cat Alliance 2, Were-cats 26. I arrived at this figure through my own notes but also through a helpful video that takes a comprehensive and complete “carnage count” of all kills in Sleepwalkers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmt-DroK6uA

II. Santo & Johnny “Sleep Walk” (1959) Because Sleepwalkers is decidedly not known for its good acting or its well-written screenplay, it is perhaps best known for its liberal and sometimes contrapuntal use of Santo & Johnny’s classic steel guitar song “Sleep Walk,” possibly the most famous (and therefore best) instrumental of the 20th century. Some might say “Sleep Walk” is tied for the #1 spot with “Green Onions” by Booker T & the M.G.’s and/or “Wipe Out” by The Surfaris, but I disagree. The Santo & Johnny song is #1 because of its incalculable influence on all subsequent popular music. 

I’m not saying “Wipe Out” didn't inspire a million imitators, both contemporaneously and even decades later…for example here’s a surf rock instrumental from 1999 called “Giant Cow" by a Toronto band called The Urban Surf Kings. The video was one of the first to be animated using Flash (and it shows):

So there are no shortage of surf rock bands, even now, decades after its emergence from the shores of California to the jukeboxes of Middle America. My old band Sleep for the Nightlife used to regularly play Rancho Relaxo with a surf rock band called the Dildonics, who I liked a great deal. There's even a Danish surf rock band called Baby Woodrose, whose debut album is a favourite of mine. They apparently compete for the title of Denmark’s biggest surf pop band with a group called The Setting Son. When a country that has no surfing culture and no beaches has multiple surf rock bands, it is safe to say the genre has attained international reach. As far as I can tell, there aren’t many bands out there playing Booker T & the M.G.’s inspired instrumental rock. Link Wray’s “Rumble” was released four years before “Green Onions.” But the influence of Santo and Johnny’s “Sleep Walk” is so ubiquitous as to be almost immeasurable. The reason for this is the sheer popularity of the song’s chord progression. If Santo and Johnny hadn’t written it first, somebody else would have, simply because the progression is so beautiful and easy on the ears and resolvable in a satisfying way. Have a listen to “Sleep Walk” first and then let’s check out some songs it directly inspired. 

The chords are C, A minor, F and G. Minor variations sometimes reverse the last two chords, but if it begins with C to A minor, you can bet it’s following the “Sleep Walk” formula, almost as if musicians influenced by the song are in the titular trance. When it comes to playing guitar, Tom Waits once said “your hands are like dogs, going to the same places they’ve been. You have to be careful when playing is no longer in the mind but in the fingers, going to happy places. You have to break them of their habits or you don’t explore; you only play what is confident and pleasing.” Not only is it comforting to play and/or hear what we already know, studies have shown that our brains actively resist new music, because it takes work to understand the new information and assimilate it into a pattern we are cogent of. It isn’t until the brain recognizes the pattern that it gives us a dopamine rush. I’m not much for Pitchfork anymore, but a recent article they posted does a fine job of discussing this phenomenon in greater detail.

Led Zeppelin’s “D’Yer Maker” uses the “Sleep Walk” riff prominently, anchored by John Bonham and John Paul Jones’ white-boy reggae beat: 

Here it is again with Del Shannon’s classic “Little Town Flirt.” I love Shannon’s falsetto at the end when he goes “you better run and hide now bo-o-oy.”

The Beatles “Happiness is a Warm Gun” uses the Sleep Walk progression, though not for the whole song. It goes into the progression at the bridge at 1:34: 

Tumblr won’t let me embed any more videos, so you’ll to travel to another tab to hear these songs, but Neil Young gets in on the act with his overlooked classic “Winterlong:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV6r66n3TFI On their 1996 EP Interstate 8 Modest Mouse pay direct homage by singing over their own rendition of the original Santo & Johnny version, right down to the weeping steel guitar part: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT_PwXjCqqs The vocals are typical wispy whispered indie rock vocals, but I think they work, particularly the two different voices. They titled their version “Sleepwalking (Couples Only Dance Prom Night).”

Dwight Yoakam’s “Thousand Miles From Nowhere” makes cinematic use of it. This song plays over the credits of one of my all-time favourite movies, 1993′s Red Rock West feat. Nicolas Cage, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dennis Hopper, and J.T. Walsh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu3ypuKq8WE

“39″ is my favourite Queen song. I guess now I know why. It uses my fav chord progression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE8kGMfXaFU 

Blink 182 scored their first hit “Dammit” with a minor variation on the Sleep Walk chord progression: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT0g16_LQaQ

Midwest beer drinkin bar rockers Connections scored a shoulda-been-a-hit with the fist-pumping “Beat the Sky:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSNRq0n_WYA You’d be hard pressed to find a weaker lead singer than this guy (save for me, natch), but they make it work. This one’s an anthem.

Spoon, who have made a career out of deconstructing rock n’ roll, so that their songs sometimes sound needlessly sparse (especially “The Ghost of You Lingers,” which takes minimalism to its most extreme...just a piano being bashed on staccato-style for four minutes), so it should surprise nobody that they re-arrange the Sleep Walk chords on their classic from Gimme Fiction, “I Summon You:” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teXA8N3aF9M I love that opening line: remember the weight of the world was a sound that we used to buy? I think songwriter Britt Daniel is talking about buying albums from the likes of Pearl Jam or Smashing Pumpkins, any of those grunge bands with pessimistic worldviews. There are a million more examples. I remember seeing some YouTube video where a trio of gross douchebros keep playing the same progression while singing a bunch of hits over it. I don’t like the smarmy way they do it, making it seem like artists are lazy and deliberately stealing. I don’t think it’s plagiarism to use this progression. And furthermore, tempo and production make all the difference. Take “This Magic Moment” for example. There's a version by Jay & the Americans and one by Ben E King & the Drifters. I’ve never been a fan of those shrieking violins or fiddles that open the latter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bacBKKgc4Uo The Jay & the Americans version puts the guitar riff way in the forefront, which I like a lot more. The guitar plays the entire progression once before the singing starts and the band joins in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKfASw6qoag

Each version has its own distinctive feel. They are pretty much two different songs. Perhaps the most famous use of the Sleep Walk progression is “Unchained Melody” by the Righteous Brothers, which is one of my favourite songs ever. The guy who chose to let Bobby Hatfield sing this one by himself must have kicked himself afterwards when it became a hit, much bigger than "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling."https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiiyq2xrSI0

What can you say about “Unchained Melody” that hasn’t already been said? God, that miraculously strong vocal, the way the strings (and later on, brass horns) are panned way over to the furthest reaches the left speaker while the drums and guitar are way over in the right, with the singing smack dab in the middle creates a kind of distance and sharp clarity that has never been reproduced in popular music, like seeing the skyscrapers of some distant city after an endless stretch of highway. After listening to “Unchained Melody,” one has to wonder: can that progression ever be improved upon? Can any artist write something more haunting, more beautiful, more uplifting than that? The “need your love” crescendo hits so fucking hard, as both the emotional and the sonic climax of the song, which of course is no accident...the strings descending and crashing like a waterfall of sound, it gets me every fucking time. Legend has it that King George II was so moved by the “Hallelujah” section of Handel’s “Messiah” that he stood up, he couldn't help himself, couldn't believe what he was hearing. I get that feeling with all my favourite songs. "1979." "Unchained Melody." "In The Still of the Night." "Digital Bath." "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?" "Interstate." "Liar's Tale." “Gimme Shelter.” The list goes on and on. Music is supposed to move us.

King George II stood because he was moved to do so. Music may be our creation, but it isn't our subordinate. All those sci-fi stories warning about technology growing beyond our control aren’t that far-fetched. Music is our creation but its power lies beyond our control. We are subordinate to music, helpless against its power and might, its urgency and vitality and beauty. There have been many times in my life when I have been so obsessed with a particular song that I pretty much want to live inside of it forever. A house of sound. I remember detoxing from heroin and listening to Grimes “Realiti” on repeat for twelve hours. Detoxing from OxyContin and listening to The Beach Boys “Dont Worry Baby” over and over. Or just being young and listening to “Tonight Tonight” over and over and over, tears streaming from my eyes in that way you cry when you’re a kid because you just feel so much and you don’t know what to do with the intensity of those feelings. It is precisely because we are so moved by music that we keep creating it. And in the act of that creation we are free. There are no limits to that freedom, which is why bands time and time again return to the well-worn Sleep Walk chord progression and try to make something new from it. Back in 2006, soon after buying what was then the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album, I found myself playing the album’s closing track over and over. I loved the chorus and I loved the way it collapses into a lo-fi demo at the very end, stripping away the studio sheen and...not to be too punny, showing its bones (the album title is Show Your Bones). Later on I would realize that the song, called “Turn Into,” uses the Sleep Walk chord progression. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exqCFoPiwpk

It’s just like, what Waits said, our hands goes to where we are familiar. And so do our ears, which is why jazz often sounds so unpleasant to us upon first listen. Or Captain Beefheart. But it’s worth the effort to discover new stuff, just as it’s worth the effort to try and write it. I recently lamented on this blog that music to me now is more about remembrance than discovery, but I’m still only 35 years old. I’m middle-aged right now (I don’t expect to live past 70, not with the lifestyle I’ve been living). There’s still a whole other half life to find new music and love and leave it for still newer stuff. It’s worth the challenge, that moment of inner resistance we feel when confronted with something new and challenging and strange sounding. The austere demands of adult life, rent and routine, take so much of our time. I still make time for creative pursuits, but I don’t really have much time for discovery, for seeking out new music. But I’ve resolved to start making more time. A few years ago I tried to listen to and like Trout Mask Replica but I couldn’t. I just didn’t get what was going on. It sounded like a bunch of mistakes piled on top of each other. But then a few days ago I was writing while listening to music, as I always do, and YouTube somehow landed on Lick My Decals Off, Baby. I didn’t love what I was hearing but I was intrigued enough to keep going. And now I really like this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMnd9dvb3sA&pbjreload=101 Another example I’ll give is the rare Robert Pollard gem “Prom Is Coming.” The first time I heard this song, it sounded like someone who can’t play guitar messing around, but the more I heard it the more I realized there’s a song there. It’s weird and strange, but it’s there. The lyrics are classic Pollard: Disregard injury and race madly out of the universe by sundown. Pollard obviously has a special place in his heart for this track. He named one of his many record labels Prom Is Coming Records and he titled the Boston Spaceships best-of collection Out of the Universe By Sundown. I don’t know if I’ll ever become a Captain Beefheart megafan but I can hear that the man was doing something very strange and, at times, beautiful. And anyway, why should everything be easy? Aren’t some challenges worth meeting for the experience waiting on the other side of comprehension or acceptance? I try to remember this now whenever I’m first confronted with new music, instead of vetoing it right away. Most of my favourite bands I was initially resistant to when I first heard them. Queens of the Stone Age, Kyuss, Guided by Voices, Spoon, Heavy Times. All bands I didn’t like at first.  I don’t wanna sleepwalk through life, surrounding myself only with things I have already experienced. I need to stay awake. Because soon enough I’ll be asleep forever. We need to try everything we can before the Big Sleep comes to take us back to the great blankness, the terrible question mark that bookends our lives.

[teruthecreator]

if you're comfortable, could you say what specifically you hated about the finale? i never got into amnesty but i liked balance so i would like to know how disappointed i should be ://

okay i’m gonna explain this in-detail exactly Once bc i’m trying rlly hard to just forget about the whole epilogue and keep it moving like that shit never happened, so for anyone else who is asking me why i don’t like the finale (and im not saying you’re wrong for asking, anon, it just seems that when you vocally do not like a thing there are hundreds of people who come out of the woodworks to ask you why and i think thats kinda Huh, Weird of everyone but like whatever) i’m gonna lay it all out here on the table and you can take this as you will. 

i’m not gonna be getting into fistfights with people abt this so if you disagree please don’t try and banter with me. i am running on

also, CRITICISM OF ART DOES NOT MEAN CRITICISM OF THE ARTIST. I AM NOT CRITICIZING THE MCELROYS AS HUMAN BEINGS, BUT RATHER THEIR ARTISTIC DECISIONS IN TAZ: AMNESTY. MORE PEOPLE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE IS A SEPARATION BETWEEN ART AND ARTIST, AND ONCE YOU (AS AN ARTIST) POST A PIECE, IT BECOMES SUBJECT TO CRITICISM. I AM NOT BRINGING GRIFFIN, JUSTIN, TRAVIS, OR CLINT’S CHARACTERS INTO QUESTION; I AM SIMPLY GIVING A CRITICISM ON THE SHOW THEY’VE CREATED AS A WORK OF ART. 

oh, this goes without saying, but i will anyway: SPOILERS FOR AMNESTY (IN GENERAL, BUT ALSO FOR EPISODE 36) 

i’m gonna start off by saying, i don’t think the whole episode was a total disaster. there are two things mainly that have ruined the whole experience for me, but for the most part i thought the like first 2 hours of this episode were a lot of fun! the fight scene was a little bogged down in the rolls imo, but it didn’t deter me too much from the overarching boss battle. the intro was a sick concept, i enjoyed the callback bits spliced in w newly scripted bits from mentioned past encounters, that was all well and good. i loved beacon in the episode, and god do i wish he stayed for the whole thing. 

my problem mainly sits with the epilogue, which is why i think the whole episode turns sour in my mind. because the epilogue is supposed to be what satiates your desire to know more, right? not to reference balance too much (bc these are two completely different stories w different premises, and for people to so readily compare them is kinda wack. that being said, they are two stories made by the same people that use an epilogue to wrap up the loose ends, so im gonna make this one comparison), but the epilogue told us, the listener, all the things we wanted to know about after the day of story of song. we got to know what they did, a little bit of their interpersonal relationships, and we even got a big group scene with the killarey wedding! 

this epilogue, though, feels like it left so much still on the table. one of those things i will swing back to later because it is the largest part of my argument, but after all of this time we still don’t know why everyone at the lodge got exiled! no one talks about it! we don’t know how dani ended up there, or jake, or barclay, or moira, or anyone! they don’t reference the banishments at all, which i think is a huge shortcoming figuring that is the core premise as to why these characters exist in our pc’s world in the first place. 

i also feel like the concept of the worlds being divided for a long time is kind of a dumb way to go about framing what they do After The Fact. like, they could have had those scenes happen without the looming concept of them being divided, especially when their big reunion scene is like 2 minutes long and basically does nothing. what would have been a cooler premise is if billy connected the worlds, and the worlds worked together in rebuilding themselves. we still could’ve had the same bits happen (for the most part), but i just think that whole separation bit kinda alienated the pc’s (especially thacker). 

but everything up to aubrey’s epilogue bit is fine. i have some problems, but it’s fine. where i started to completely abandon the work itself though is duck’s bit, and i’m gonna get into it by saying this: I know Justin Mcelroy is not legally required to make all of his characters gay, but this whole scene was just a big reminder to me that this show is done by 4 straight white men

and yeah, my big problem with this scene is the fact that justin had to make Duck/Minerva a thing. because it adds nothing to the story while also being a very skeevy concept in-general, and it reduces minerva’s character down to the Hero’s Girlfriend trope and it’s so comphet and she doesn’t deserve it. 

my first grievance with this: It adds nothing to the story. 

had justin not even mentioned the relationship part of their interaction before the scene actually took place, this scene would be like every other scene involving duck and minerva prior to this. duck says honey once, and even that could’ve been played off as duck just being affectionate to his friends (which is a thing, i call several of my friends “my love” irl and it isn’t a big deal). minerva doesn’t even use pet names, she calls duck by his full name, which is exactly how she addressed him in every other scene! duck’s speech is a genuine heart-puller, but it was completely soured by the fact that justin had to premise this entire scene by saying duck and minerva are a thing. 

my second grievance: it’s a skeevy-as-all-hell concept. 

this whole premise is nasty seven ways from sunday, and it is my biggest problem with duck’s bit as a whole. for starters, and i think more people need to mention this, minerva meets duck on the night of his 18th birthday. which means duck has literally just stopped being legally considered a minor before minerva appears before him. and honestly, i would still consider duck a minor in this case because he has literally just turned 18!!! his brain has not developed past one of a 17-year-old on the exact date of his birthday, and i argue it will not until he is at least in his twenties. keep in mind, your brain does not stop developing until you are about 25. so while in the legal sense, duck is an adult, in both the mental and emotional sense at that exact moment, duck is still a minor. AND he’s still in high school, as referenced in his response to her call to duty: “i got class tomorrow”. and minerva is old enough to have become the minister of defense for her homeworld, go through an entire war, and have several other chosen ones (including leo tarkesian, who is at least 20 years older than duck) before meeting duck. so that makes her much, much older than duck when she meets him. and i don’t care if they had barely any interaction after that first moment (though they did, as justin legit talks about when he introduces minerva as a concept to the show), that still establishes their initial interaction at a massive age difference. which, regardless of anything, makes their eventual relationship so genuinely messed up. 

sure, you can argue that when you get older age doesn’t make that much of a difference, and i would agree. my mother is 53 and her husband is 63, that’s ten years. but my mother and step mother did not meet at 8 and 18, they met at 50 and 60. the initial interaction makes all the difference between “older people meeting and having a relationship” and “a very messed up situation”. 

also, in this same argument, taking the mentor-student relationship and turning it into a romantic relationship IS SO MESSED UP!!!! GENUINELY AND HONESTLY MESSED UP!!! i feel like i don’t need to explain this because there have been so many examples already as to why this is a relationship you Should Not turn romantic, but i will anyway because it frustrates me so much that justin completely glosses over this!!! the power dynamic of a mentor-student relationship, in whatever way it is portrayed, displays a power balance that is heavily leaning to one side. there is not an equal distribution of power amongst the two because one person is teaching the other. the one person is weak to the others wills and whims because of lack of experience. think of your high school teacher or college professor; if you started a relationship with them, people would raise so many questions because you are not at equals to the teacher/professor. even if they treat you different, and even if they no longer teach you, it all has to do with the initial interaction. and minerva was still duck’s mentor up until either episode 34 or 35, when she handed off the title of Herald of the Astral Mind to duck. that means for nearly all of their interactions, there was a mentor-student dynamic. to have that turn into a romantic relationship is so sketchy and weird and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

my third grievance: it reduces minerva’s character down to a girlfriend trope, and it’s comphet as hell 

my friend tin (@taako–waititi) phrased this so well in the big group chat im in w her, so imma just quote her on this and then go into the comphet stuff: 

“i was dming max about it and they also mentioned, quote, ‘her story was never about romance. it reduced her down to ‘competent woman becomes endgame girlfriend’ trope’ and they are so right it makes me fucking pissed. regardless of any ‘mutual respect’ and ‘emotional intimacy’ kind of thing going on that some people are arguing for, it’s something that didn’t need to happen because minerva’s character becomes that. my thing is mutual respect and emotional intimacy between two people can. exist. without it being. romantic. like. friendship is. also valid. i personally don’t think that mutual respect and emotional intimacy are two buttons that you press to make the machine churn out a romance” 

not only does it reduce minerva’s character to tropes, but it also is extremely comphet for a woman who is so heavily wlw-coded or lesbian-coded and it just angers me. you could argue that she could be bi, but if we look at canon for just its face-value, the only romantic interaction she ever has is with a man, which basically makes her straight. this isn’t like aubrey’s situation, where travis clearly states she is a bi woman who is just in a relationship with another woman in amnesty. griffin doesn’t state anything about minerva’s sexuality and then she’s paired off with a man right at the end. and you could argue that she isn’t wlw or lesbian-coded, but i am not the only one who is wlw and thinks this, so i feel like i have more of a ground to stand on in this opinion. and this just feels so, like, textbook compulsory heteronormativity it made me feel physically sick when i heard this bit in the podcast. 

so that’s my first big issue with the finale, fully explained. my second issue with the epilogue is that ned’s death continues to be disappointing and his character arc is never completed, which just tanks the whole show for me. 

i’ve talked about this several times since ep 28 about how ned’s death was stupid and did nothing for his character arc, but i’m gonna reiterate my main points for the people who find this post without knowing my whole blog:

1. ned’s main interpersonal conflicts are just brought to the surface and never fully delved into before his sudden death. ned doesn’t ever get to explain his history with boyd and why he had to steal shade tree to mama or barclay or really anyone besides vaguely to aubrey. 

2. every character is just immediately expected to feel sad about ned’s death, despite the tension that still remains right up until the very end. aubrey shouldn’t have even known that the shapeshifter framed ned because that’s all explained once she goes to sylvain, but i think travis just assumed she did because he heard the interaction between ned, mama, and barclay. so she should’ve had Way more conflicting feelings about the whole thing, but ned’s death is just angst-bait so that doesn’t happen.

3. ned’s death doesn’t make roll sense because clint rolled a mixed success and mixed successes, by definition, are supposed to be less severe moves than a failed roll (which gives the gm the ability to make a hard move). there isn’t really anything harder to do to a character than kill them, but even if you wanted to argue that if clint failed the roll the hard move would’ve been ned failing and letting dani get shot, it still doesn’t change the fact that clint rolled a mixed success when slamming into the pizza hut sign at full velocity and came out of that alive (severely injured, naturally, but still alive). 

so, yeah, there’s that. and then theres the fact that griffin doesn’t ever give us any other scenes involving ned directly. ned only becomes a reference from 28 on, which is so disappointing given ned’s importance to the other two pcs. and i understand that the mcelroys have a lot of trauma related to death, but griffin shouldn’t have killed ned off then if he did not want to talk about death in graphic detail. we all have trauma. we all want to avoid topics. but to kill ned off and then never talk about his death in great relation to the others is a genuine disservice to ned’s character. 

the day episode 28 aired was the same day i buried my grandmother. i would have loved if death wasn’t brought up, but i don’t control the podcast. the mcelroys do; they had the ability to avoid this topic in a more servicing way to the characters and they didn’t. that isn’t to say they are bad people for not doing it, but it makes the finale even more disappointing because it means we never get the full rounding out of ned’s character arc. he becomes this like brief reference that is, once again, angst-bait or emotional fuel and i feel like he didn’t deserve that. he deserved a genuine reference, a genuine moment. even a dream sequence i would have appreciated!!! 

griffin had sylvain directly point at ned in aubrey’s flashback in ep 35, and then did nothing about what that could have implicated in the finale. it sours the entire episode in a major way and disappointed me immensely. there should have been more done with that topic and there wasn’t and i will never forget how deeply it hurt me and turned me away from canon as a whole. not to be ned kin on main, but ned was the backbone of this show and the exact moment he left was the exact moment the whole thing went downhill. it turned less into a story about growth and adversary and amnesty and more into a waiting game for when this very loose end was going to get wrapped up. 

i wanted to enjoy this episode. i tried so hard, y’all. but just the thought of ned loomed over me the entire time and i was waiting for a more proper completion to his arc, and it never happened. and coupled with that very bad and skeevy duck/minerva bit i was just so frustrated and hurt last night. 

so, yeah, that’s my whole spiel. you are free to disagree with me, but keep that opinion to yourself because i’m not getting into it with anyone. i will just block you; it’s better for us both, anyway. 

[bloodyshadow1]

sexism, misogyny, and hypocrisy in the critical role fandom

the problem with sexism in the crtitical role fandom isn’t just overt outright sexist comments going after Marisha and Laura because they’re women (Ashley seems to get a pass because she’s not always there and people idealize her characters as the madonna to Marisha and Laura’s whores), that’s a problem but not the only problem.  The huge issue is that Marisha and Laura are held to a much higher standard than anyone else at the table, and the hypocrisy is blatant.  Whenever Keyleth did anything dumb or even when she did something cool and completely inline with her character Marisha got hate.  When Grog did something stupid becuase that’s Grog, Travis didn’t get hate, they said oh that silly goliath he’s dumb but lovable, even people who don’t like Grog don’ go after Travis.  When Vex stole Gern’s broom there was such a backlash among the ‘fans’ sent to Laura that she still gets nervous about it.  Yet Sam as Nott has stolen from both their guests so far and their only 21 episodes in and attempted to steal from the main party twice, yet it’s just Nott being a quirky goblin and Sam’s playing her brilliantly while Vex is just a greedy bitch and Laura needed to keep herself in check because you don’t steal from the party. It’s that when Vex went shopping and haggled saving the party money, despite it being completely in character she was being a greedy bitch.  While when Grog went shopping and over paid for a potion everyone laughed because Grog is dumb and that was Travis being true to Grog.

It’s that when Percy and Grog came to blows over the skull last campaign at the worst possible time no one gave Talisen or Travis shit, no people loved it and thought it was great storytelling.  When Percy gave Grog and obviously evil sword that wound up biting them in the ass no one called the players out on using it even though the players knew it would bite them in the ass later on because people said that they were being true to their character.  When Fjord got out his falchion and threatened Caleb when Caleb stole something in the middle of a job, when they had to get out of the High Richter’s house literally at the worst possible time even people who disagreed with the timing never got angry at Travis or Liam for stealing the scroll.  And to be honest the Fjord and Caleb conflict was a lot stupider than the Beau Caleb conflict this last episode with both sides having a lot worse of a point.

It’s that Molly and Percy had/has the exact same sense of unearned bravado as Beau does yet its seen as charming to most of the fandom while Beau is just a bitch.  It’s that Beau clearly has issues dealing with Caleb too, but whereas Caleb is infantalized and put on a pedestal for the way he acts Beau is seen as a bitch who needs to act normal and keep her mouth shut.  

Look I don’t want the men on the show to get hate, I love all the cast.  But Marisha and Laura are held to a much higher standard than the men at the table and it’s disgusting.  Maybe you dislike their characters, that’s fine, but don’t pretend like a huge part of the fandom doesn’t hold Laura and Marisha’s characters to a much higher standard for playing ‘real’ dnd.  If you believe that you’re either an idiot, a liar, , or a combination fo all of them, because I can easily pull up the reciepts.  I can’t even get to the time stamp comments on the campaign 1 vidoes on youtube without seeing dozens of Marisha/Keyleth hate.  One any Vox Machina video where there’s a comment about someone liking something Keyleth did there isn’t a dozen comments in reply saying that how awful of a character she is even if she just breathed.  

[daturanerium]

let’s give beau the spotlight for a hot minute.

so this ep is going to be.....pretty heavy. i think we can all agree on that. most likely there’s going to be some falling out between the empire kids--bowlgate 2.0, anyone? people have already done a shit ton of meta on caleb and his choices and feelings right now, but I haven’t seen much on my girl beau so here’s her point of view (from what i can gather from the last couple eps and talks) 

quick disclaimer: I agree caleb made a good decision in giving up the beacon! beau, however, has a lot of reason to be angry with him (and the rest of the party) about it. that’s what i’m going to be talking about. 

let’s start at the beginning. beau met up with her mentor darion, who she thought had been injured or dead. darion is a huge role model for beau, and also the only person who takes beau seriously and believes in her. as a result, beau takes what darion says to heart. Darion tells her a lot of important things when they meet up, but something that really stuck out to both beau and i was “don’t get too close.” beau hesitates, then responds with, “i haven’t.” both us as the viewers and (presumably) beau know that’s a lie. she doesn’t agree with darion’s lone wolf view of life, shown when a minute later she asks darion about naming her birds. upon first viewing it looks like a joke question (and maybe it was and i’m just reading into this too much!) but i see it as a deeper question in disguise: why not let people in? they may surprise you. darion shuts that down pretty quick (“I named a bird once and it flew away from me. that’s why I don’t name my birds.”), but beau is still left feeling conflicted. mix that conversation with darion’s earlier ALL KRICKS ARE EVIL mentality that beau so heavily disagreed with that she openly calls them out on it--we’ve got a solid recipe for some Angsty Conflicting Feelings. on the one hand, beau and darion are very close and beau looks up to and respects them like no other authority figure. she’s constantly trying to prove that darion trusting her was not a bad move, and will do a lot to impress them. on the other hand, beau is starting to realize that darion might not be as good as they claim, or that at least their judgement is clouded heavily by prejudice and hatred. that is something beau doesn’t want to be a part of. so does she continue with her training with darion and hopefully get the praise, recognition, and belonging she’s always wanted? or does she allow herself to get close to the m9 and leave darion’s flawed teaching behind? her oldest mentor or her new friends--it’s a tough choice. (and a pretty great parallel to caleb’s story, which, as an avid empire kids fan, fascinates me to no end. but that’s different meta lmao)

now, the fight in the well. i’m not going to get into this too heavily because i feel like most of it is pretty simple to figure out. beau had some pretty great moments in there. when caleb first gets possessed, her first reaction is to grab his hand and ask if she has to kill him. hello???? juicy. she made a promise to keep caleb in check, and this was a strong reminder of that. later, when yasha is the one to get possessed, it’s beau that gets her out of it (YOU. ARE IN. A TOXIC. RELATIONSHIP!) with both caleb and caduceus down. and it’s beau that rips the heart straight out of the beast’s chest. this fight was beau’s reminder that she’s ride or die for these people--she’s attached. we don’t really know, but it could be a point where she started to make up her mind on her inner conflict between darion and the m9. 

and then, last episode. oh boy. things start off okay (hello everyone that beaujester scene with the other traveler follower was fantastic), but everything turns to shit pretty quickly with the whole...….slave thing. that was about the only thing on talks marisha talked about openly--beau hated that, and for good reason. fjord and jester hop on the slaveholder train a little too quickly for her comfort, with fjord pushing her in the mud for no good reason and jester literally using her as a footstool. meta-wise, we’re aware that the majority of this was done as a joke by laura and travis, but it still happened in canon and beau was not enjoying it in the least. her only real comfort here was that caleb was equally as uncomfortable as her the whole time--at least he’s on her side here. because the way she sees it, the people she’s (presumably) decided to stick with only pretend to respect her. when given the chance, they’ll step all over her just like everyone has before. and that really sucks. 

okay, now what everyone’s waiting for: the Moment, the last twenty minutes of the episode, and what will maybe happen tonight. caleb, in a panic, pulls out their hail mary: the beacon, or the dodecahedron. he presents it to the bright queen, saying that while he is from the empire, he is certainly no friend of the empire. good for him! we love character growth! even though that was probably less character growth and more of a desperate, last minute play to save his friends’ lives. the problem is, caleb was only speaking for himself here. beauregard is a member of the cobalt soul, which, although technically neutral in this war, have spies everywhere. they’re well known for their collection of knowledge as well as their espionage. specifically, beau is an expositor, which is apparently tasked with “pursuing the secrets and evils of the world and exposing them to the light.” when the bright queen and her court find out that beau is a part of not only the cobalt soul but the expositors, chances are pretty high that she’ll at the very least be kept a close eye on. more likely, she’ll be confined to a certain area and interrogated pretty heavily, maybe even locked up. we don’t know a lot about the bright queen’s court or the xhorassian government, but we can assume they don’t take well to potential spies. 

now, we as watchers have had two weeks to think about this whole scenario. what went well and what went wrong. but beau has had all of six seconds. and beau, as we know, can be a little quick to jump to conclusions. so when caleb hands over the beacon, her first thought isn’t thank god. it’s more along the lines of holy fuck i’m going to be outed as a spy and killed. caleb, in her eyes, made another rash decision for the whole party that could get her in some serious trouble. we also have to keep in mind that beau is still under the impression that caleb’s only with the party for protection. during their infamous “don’t go” moment, caleb responds with (paraphrased) “i’ll consider it”. to us, that him not wanting to admit he cares for them. for beau, who tends to view conversations from a very surface-level perspective, sees it as nothing more than exactly what he said--noncommittal. so when he pulls out the beacon here and only mentions himself when talking to the bright queen, i think it’s reasonable for her to think that he’s only doing it to save his own hide. she’s had some good, soft moments with him, but as far as she can tell they’re pretty one-sided. 

so, tl;dr:

beau was having conflicting feelings on darion’s teachings and wasn’t sure weather she should continue getting close with the m9 or follow darion’s advice to please her

during the crazy-ass battle in the well, beau was reminded that she loves the people she’s with and is ride or die for them. it can be assumed that she made her decision to stay close to her friends

last episode, the gross slavery thing made her realize that the people she chose to stay with don’t respect her

caleb handing over the beacon (and the rest of the party putting her in a position in front of the queen of xhorass to begin with) could put beau in a really difficult position, since she’s an expositor of the cobalt soul and Potential Spy Material

during caleb and beau’s inevitable fallout tonight she’ll probably call him selfish, and while we know that isn’t true, we should also make sure to view the situation from beau’s perspective and understand that it’s a pretty justifiable conclusion based on her background, history with caleb, and current situation

tonight’s gonna be crazy, folks. things are going to be said. things are going to happen. this is a major turning point for all of the charaters and their story, and everyone’s feeling tense and conflicted. we love some good drama and inter-party conflict, but let’s try not to pick sides too heavily on this one. 

[sanders-specs]

Camp Swan Chapter 10

A/N: Yay! I finally got this chapter done! Sorry it’s been so long since the last update, but i have to say thanks for your support on my taking a bit of a break from this story. You guys were very understanding and I’m thankful for that. This chapter is a pretty calm one, but I’ll fix that in the next one :) 

Warnings: hint of child neglect, food mention, skipping meals, anxiety 

Read on Ao3

Chapter 1| Previous 

Tag list:  @princeyssash @alwaysmy-lilith @protecterofalltheaus @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @dan-yuna @kittenvirgil @prettygirl0223 @helloisthisusernametaken @tripleaaaqueer @lilbeanblr @ilovemygaydad @kai-dot-jpg @chemically-imbalanced-romance @pattongirl

Virgil decided that he preferred it when Roman hated him.

It seemed that every time Virgil turned a corner, the other boy was there trying to give some sort of apology or gift. It had gotten to the point where Patton was trying to as well, though it seemed that, thankfully, Logan had left the two to their own devices. Virgil had taken to staying out of their room as much as possible, sneaking out at night just in case Roman decided to try something while Virgil was asleep.

It didn’t help with his anxiety either. As the days passed, Virgil grew more and more anxious about Frank. Things were too quiet. Even at the end of the week when Frank returned to activities, the most he ever did was sneer at Virgil, maybe trip him up if no on was looking. With Roman constantly trying to corner him for a different reason, Virgil never had any time to breathe.

His new friends (Virgil was still trying to get used to thinking that he actually had friends) weren’t helping much either.

“He just wants to be friends with you Virge,” Alyssa said one afternoon as Virgil shrunk down in his seat, trying to pretend like Roman and Patton weren’t trying to get his attention.

“Since when?!” Virgil whisper shouts. “He hated me last week!”

“Something must have changed,” Cassie says, glancing back at them and obviously trying very hard not to smile. “If you don’t want them to keep bugging you, tell them to stop.”

Virgil didn’t answer at that, because honestly, he didn’t know what that would do to Roman or Patton if Virgil straight up denied their efforts. It was just all…overwhelming. He went from being a nobody who everyone hated to having friends and there being people who wanted to be his friends. If it weren’t for the bracelet Alyssa had given him, he would’ve said that this was all some weird lucid dream he was having.

“You know, most people wouldn’t be hiding from the attention of Roman,” Cassie says. “Him and Rose are something like celebrities.”

“Hmm are you sure about that?” Alyssa asks. “Because I think you might be a bit biased.”

Cassie’s cheeks flushed a bit. “Shut up Ally.”

Alyssa just chuckled and went back to the notebook she’d been writing in.

Virgil didn’t have much time to think about what that exchange meant before one of the siblings in question was sauntering over to them.

“Hey Virgil,” Rose says, putting her hands on the table and leaning close, lowering her voice. Cassie, who was closest to her, flushed even more. “Look, I get that my brother is being really annoying. I’ve been trying to get him to let up, but we’re a stubborn family. Is there anything I can do to help keep him away?”

Virgil glances at Roman and Patton, who seemed to be trying to pretend they weren’t watching the exchange. It was clear that they thought Rose was over here for a different reason.

“An afternoon,” Virgil mutters, rubbing at the headache that was forming. “I just want an afternoon to myself.”

Rose nods. “I can do that. There’s a movie showing after activities, I’ll convince him to go with me.”

Virgil lets out a sigh. “Thanks. I assume you want something in exchange?” Virgil asks, eyeing Rose suspiciously.

“Yes,” Rose says with a smile. “Indulge my brother in one of his stupid ideas. Take it from me, it’ll be interesting.” She turned and walked away, Virgil and his friends staring after her.

After a moment, Alyssa had to cover he mouth to try and hide her laughter. Cassie looked just as amused, and Travis wasn’t even trying to hide it.

“You totally fell for that,” Travis says, laughing.

Virgil scowled, slinking lower in his chair and glared at the siblings, both of whom were smiling at him.

After activities that day, Virgil went to the cabin, feeling relieved to see Rose walking away with Patton and Roman, knowing he had the afternoon to himself. What he hadn’t thought about, though, was Logan. He was in their room when Virgil walked in, sitting on his bunk and flipping through one of his books (seriously, how many books did a kid need at a camp?).

He looks up when Virgil comes in, and Virgil only nods at him before going over to his own bunk. Logan hadn’t said anything to Virgil about seeing Virgil’s bruises, but he was waiting for it. Logan didn’t seem to be the kind of boy who let something like that go. He might have seemed uncaring and emotionless at the beginning, but after observing him for a while, Virgil figured that Logan just didn’t like to show his feelings. He helped Roman and Patton with their stupid ideas anyway, so some part of him must care.

For a while, only awkward silence filled the room. Then Logan snapped his book shut and stood. “Virgil?”

Here we go…

Virgil looked up at Logan and blinked. Logan looked a bit uncomfortable; he kept shifting on his feet and wouldn’t look Virgil in the eye. “I…um…I saw Frank and his friends headed towards the movie,” Logan says. “So…if you wanted to spend the afternoon outside, you don’t have to worry about them.”

Virgil stared at his roommate, wondering how Logan could possibly know how scared Virgil was for Franks revenge. He decided not to question it, not wanting to push his luck.

“Alright. What about you, not going with dumb and dumber to the movie?” Virgil asks casually.

Logan lips quirked a bit. “I have no intention of spending a perfectly nice afternoon like this in a darkened room with those two,” he says matter-of-factly. “I’ve let them distract me from my studies of the flora here long enough. I’m quite looking forward to spending some time in the forest.”

Virgil felt a small smile spread on his lips. “We’ll have to agree to disagree on the best way to spend our time, Specs,” Virgil says.

Logan’s eyes sparked with amusement at the nickname. “I suppose we shall. I’ll see you later, Virgil. Perhaps you can make it to dinner tonight.”

“Doubtful,” Virgil says, “but have fun.”

Logan nods and leaves. The door to the cabin echoes as it slams behind him, further proving that the cabin was completely empty.

Virgil sat back on his back, tucking his arm behind his head, planning to enjoy the silence for once. After a few minutes, though, he was getting angsty and uncomfortable. It was too silent. Too still. The room started to feel too small and the air too muggy. Scrambling to his feet, Virgil scoops up his headphones and phone before leaving the cabin.

“How dare that boy ruin the best part of the movie!” Roman exclaims. “Right before the first Quidditch game! Everyone knows that’s the best part of any Harry Potter movie and Frank just goes and ruins it!”

Patton sighs, only half-way listening to Roman. Sure, it sucked that Frank had been messing with them throughout the entire movie, forcing them to leave early, but what had bothered Patton more than missing the second half of Sorcerer's Stone was what Frank had been muttering to his friends. He was pretty sure Roman had missed it, since he’d been very into the movie, but Patton had heard every word. They’d been talking about the ‘little twerp who ratted him out’ and how they were going to ‘make him pay.’

It bothered Patton a lot. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that they were talking about Virgil.  Honestly, it was Franks own fault that he’d gotten suspended, not Virgil’s. Virgil had just been doing the right thing…

Patton sighed again, mentally shaking himself. He remembered Logan telling him once that some people are just too selfish for their own good. Frank seemed like one of those people. He seemed like the kind of person who Patton despised—and Patton never used that word lightly—someone who only ever thinks of themselves and felt that their actions were always right, no matter what anyone else around them thought.

“Patton, are you even listening?” Roman asks.

Blinking, Patton turns to Roman and gives an apologetic smile. “Sorry Ro, guess my mind was wondering a bit.”

Roman huffs. “Well at least this means we can think of another thing to do for Virgil.”

“Not that I’m against this,” Patton says, “but why did you suddenly decide to start being so nice to Virgil? I’ve been wondering.”

Roman stops, looking over at Patton with a thoughtful look. “I suppose…well he did get me out of suspension.”

“Yeah but there’s something else,” Patton says, stepping up onto a tree root and balancing on it. “Do you like him?”

Roman sputtered at that. “Wh-what? Patton that is absurd!”

Patton shrugs. “I was just asking. He is cute, in his own way.”

“You think everyone is cute,” Roman mutters.

“True,” Patton says with a grin, rocking back and forth on the tree root. “So why do you want to be so nice to him all of a sudden, if you’re not crushing on him?”

“I don’t know,” Roman admits. “I want to re-pay the kindness he gave me. He didn’t have to go to Joan, you know? And….” His voice trailed off. Patton looked over at him and saw that he was staring off in the distance, a thoughtful look on his face. Patton jumped down from the tree root and leaned against its owner, patiently waiting for Roman to gather his thoughts.

“When he came back to the cabin after talking with Joan,” Roman says finally, “he was having a panic attack. I didn’t know what it was from, but when Thomas and Joan came to talk to me, I figured it was from his conversation with Joan. He doesn’t seem to like to talk to authority figures that much.”

Patton raised his eyebrows. “So you feel bad for him?”

“A little, I suppose,” Roman says. “I wanted to repay what he did for me and say sorry for not understanding before, but now…” he shrugs. “I want to understand.”

Patton smiles. “Me too,” he says, bouncing on his toes.

“What are you two doing out here?”

Roman and Patton turn to see Logan walking towards them, his notebook in hand. “Frank ruined the movie,” Roman says, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms, “I couldn’t sit through that.”

Logan nods. “You wouldn’t have happened to hear him mention Virgil, at all, would you?”

“A little,” Patton admits. “Why?”

Logan shakes his head, turning away from Patton and Roman. “I have a bad feeling about Frank’s intentions to get back at Virgil. We all know it’s coming, including Virgil, and it’s messing him up.”

Patton worried his lip. “Do you think we should tell Thomas?”

“I do not think that there is much Thomas can do aside from keep an eye on Virgil and Frank when they’re near each other,” Logan says with a small shrug. “At least until Frank does something. Even then it would have to be proven.”

“And Thomas can’t watch them all the time,” Roman points out.

Patton sighs. This wasn’t how he’d imagined this summer was going to go. Of course, Frank was always a downer to be around, but Patton hadn’t seen him be this mean since…well since he’d targeted Patton and Logan. There was nothing Patton could do about it, though. The most he could do was try to give Virgil a good summer.

Well that was turning out great, wasn’t it?

“Patton?”

Patton blinked and found his friends look at him. He smiled and straightened up. “Sorry, got lost in thought for a bit.”

“Are you okay, Pat?” Roman asks. “You’ve been out of it all day.”

“I’m fine,” Patton says. “Just got a lot on my mind today.”

Roman and Logan exchange a look. “Do you need to talk about anything, Patton?” Logan asks.

“Nope!” Patton says. “What, a guy can’t get a little lost in thought every now and again?”

“I suppose not,” Logan says. “However, we are getting into the second week and—”

Logan was cut off by the siren echoing off the trees. The sign that it was dinner time. “Well would you look at that. Another day has gone by,” Patton says.

Roman sighs. “Yes, let’s go. Maybe we can think up of some good ideas…”

Patton followed behind Logan and Roman, humming to himself. They started passed the lake when Patton saw a familiar headphone wearing figure. “Hey there’s Virgil! Do you think he heard the dinner bell?”

“Unlikely,” Logan says.

“Yeah, he’s wearing those headphones, he’s probably got his music turned up all the way,” Roman says.

“That’s very bad for you hearing,” Logan mutters.

“I’ll go get him,” Patton says.

“Pat, wait,” Roman says. “Do you really think he’ll want to come to dinner tonight? He hasn’t all week.”

Patton put his hands on his hips. “Well there’s no harm in asking, now is there?”  

Logan and Roman exchanged another look, then shrugged. “We’ll save you a seat, then,” Roman says.

Patton waves to them, then starts over to Virgil.

Virgil sat facing the lake, his arms propped on his knees. He had his headphones on, blocking out all sound. There were a few kids around, but for the most part this side of the lake was empty. Everyone was either at the movie or spending their free time doing something else. Virgil hadn't been able to stand the thought of being crammed into a room with a hundred other campers for two and half hours, so he came here.

He watched the lake as the music surrounded him. He felt himself relax, let the notes wrap him in a comforting blanket. A wind blew off the lake, welcome against the stuffing heat. Virgil took a deep breath, taking in that wind, closing his eyes and tilting his head up towards the sun. He felt, for the first time since he arrived at camp, at peace.

He didn't know how long he sat there. He lost track of how many songs passed. All he knew was that he didn't want the moment to end.

Of course, all of that lasted until someone lightly tapped his arm, making him jump and shove his headphones off down to his neck. He whirled around and saw Patton froze where he crouched just behind Virgil.

“Jesus Christ Patton, you scared me,” Virgil says. “Don’t you know not to sneak up on a guy wearing headphones?”

Patton smiled slightly. “It’s hard not to when you’re listening to it so loudly,” he says.

Virgil scowls and turns back around.

Patton sits down next to him. “I know you wanted the afternoon to yourself, but the dinner bell rang.”

“That late already huh?” Virgil asked with a small sigh. “Aren’t summer days supposed to last longer?”

Patton chuckles at that. “I think this is the first time we’ve talked for more than two seconds.”

“I’m in a good mood,” Virgil mutters.

Patton grins at that. “That’s great! It’s always nice to have good days. “

Virgil didn’t respond to that, but kept staring at the lake. He didn’t really want to admit that this had been a pretty good day. He was starting to get the hang of all the activities and the schedule. Even with Frank back and Roman and Patton constantly bugging him…the day hadn’t been terrible.

“What do you want, Patton?” Virgil asks. “Is this another one of yours and Princey’s plans?”

Patton chuckles. “No. I was wondering if you wanted to come eat with us.”

Virgil gulped, looking down and starting to pull out blades of grass to give his hands something to do. “I don’t think so,” he mutters.

“Can I ask why?” Patton asks gently.

When Virgil shrugs, he sighs. “Virge you can’t go the entire summer without eating dinner. It’s not healthy.”

“Maybe I don’t like the food here,” Virgil says. “Did you ever think about that?”

“Have you tried it? Other than the breakfasts and lunches, I mean.”

Virgil couldn’t answer that because, of course, he hadn’t. He just glared at the ground.

“Look Virgil if it’s us I’m sure that Alyssa and Cassie won’t mind you sitting with them,” Patton says. “I can get Roman to leave you alone—”

“It’s not that,” Virgil says, cutting the other boy off. “I mean…I mean it’s not…it’s not you guys. Or them.”

Patton blinks, leaning back on his hands. “Okay.” He fell silent, not pressing anything, but not letting it go either. Virgil had the feeling that he would’ve sat there all night until Virgil spoke.

“It’s everyone,” Virgil mutters after a few moments of thought. “Everyone crowded together,” he picks at the grass, “pressed together forced to breathe the same air. Everyone talking at once, the smell of the food all mixing together. It’s just all…too much to even think about.”

Patton was silent and for a moment Virgil thought for sure that he had officially done it and made Patton think that he was too weird to be around. He braced himself for Patton to tell him that his feelings were wrong or stupid. Who got uncomfortable in a cafeteria? Who was ever so afraid of people in general?

“Okay,” Patton says finally. “I can’t blame you really. When you put it like that it does sound horrible.” He stands, brushing himself off, then extends a hand to Virgil. “Why don’t you head on back to the cabin then? Some counselors get a bit cranky if they see you’re not at dinner.”

Slightly stunned, Virgil allows Patton to pull him to his feet. They walked in a comfortable silence—well as silent as it could be with Patton humming—until they had to part ways. Patton grinned and waved as he ran off towards the mess hall, leaving Virgil to walk back to the cabin alone.

Virgil was lying in his bunk, his eyes closed as he listened to his music without his headphones for once, and jumped when he heard the door to the cabin slam shut. He looked over when the door to his room opened and Patton walked in, two containers in hand.

Slowly Virgil sat up. “I thought you were having dinner.”

“I am,” Patton says. “With you.” he hands Virgil one of the containers. “I’ve gotten pretty close with one of the cooks over the years and she didn’t mind at all when I asked if I could have a to-go dinner for me and my roommate.” Patton grins, settling on Virgil’s bed and opening his container. “Well?” he asks when Virgil just stares at him. “Dig in! it’s spaghetti night, and you do not want to miss out on this garlic bread.”

Virgil wasn’t sure what to make of this. Sure, Patton had been trying to do these weird nice things for him for a while now, but those had all been Roman’s plans, so they were…on the eccentric side. This though…Virgil had never had someone bring him food before. Never. He’d always been expected to seek out his own meals or he wouldn’t eat.

“Come on kiddo, it’s not that bad,” Patton says, shoving a mouthful of the food into his mouth, as if to emphasize.

Virgil shook himself mentally and glared a little at Patton. “I’m not a child, you know,” he says, opening his own container. Patton just grinned at him and watched as Virgil took a bite.

The food wasn’t half bad.

Chapter 11

[animalloverdev]

Would you guys have any tips for aspiring indie visual novel developers working in very small teams like yours? Stuff that you didn't think would matter or things you didn't think would happen, but once they did, you thought 'oh man, I wish I had thought about this before/somebody had told me about this!' In case there aren't any: what do you guys think are the most difficult parts, and what are the best parts, of working in a small team?

I was originally going to go off in this one by saying that we’re definitely not successful enough to be giving out tips. But Animal Lover was well rated and we *did* actually release it. So screw it. I’ll pass this one to Maia for artist tips after I ramble on for a little bit.

Universal Tips:90% of the people who email you after you release a game on Steam are blowing smoke up your ass. Proceed with caution.

Making video games is hard. Even games with minimal gameplay like these. You’re not taking the easy route by doing a visual novel, you’re just taking a route that a small team can actually manage to make.

Small Team Tips:If you’re not paying them (whether at all or for a non-livable wage), be patient with them. This means planning out how long it will take, getting a rough estimate of how long the project SHOULD take, and then multiplying it by four.

Wear multiple hats. This is non-negotiable. There’s no room in game development for ‘idea guys’. Prepare to code, prepare to do SOME visual development, some sound design, some UI design, some writing, some whatever. If you have just barely enough money to make an indie visual novel instead of a full-fledged AAA release, then you don’t have enough money to make everyone else make your dreams come true.

Writing Tips:Write a book first.

No, seriously, write a book first. Maybe write a few.

Writing a visual novel was like writing a book, which I’ve done, but then when the book is done, you need to edit it, which is par for the course... but then with Animal Lover, no matter how done the script was, there was something to do, always. Like always. Always. If you’re not prepared to write a novel by itself, you’re certainly not prepared to write a novel that you have to code and potentially add branching paths for.

Visual novels are writing heavy, and even though writing standards are certainly not sky-high right now, you want to have good writing, because if you want to differentiate yourself from the pack even a little, you don’t want people saying “Yeah, the writing was okay” when 80% of your game is writing. This also means that visual-novel writing tips hew pretty close to regular writing tips. On that note:

Characters are key. I am a dude who loves a complex plot, but complex plots in mediums where you can’t rely on environmental storytelling and visual inference (it’s hard to implement in visual novels, though we tried with Kyle’s hair in the canon ending and with the different markings each character has based on their animals), complex plots mean lots of explanation. Which we didn’t even totally avoid in Animal Lover. Any more complex and it would have gotten boring.Thusly; focus on characters. Visual novel players (dating sim or otherwise) are there to interact with characters.

Learn to write in-code. It’ll save you time.

The only thing maybe more important than character in visual novels is pacing. In a dialogue-heavy medium, it is easy to forget how much time it’s been since the last big event happened. Keep an eye on where you’re spending the most time, what you’re interacting with at any given time and whether or not you enjoy reading it.

Comedy has value. Animal Lover is not the steamiest otome game out there, and steaminess is the general consensus for what games have the most value. Yet, somehow, people are drawn to Animal Lover. Comedy endears readers to characters, makes them remember their time spent fondly and actively engages readers. If you can make it funny, do make it funny. Animal Lover gets dark, but the moments spent laughing before that happened gave it value and made the dark stuff heavier.

Producer/Director Tips:Explore your engines. We did our game in Ren’Py, which worked and we managed, but we spent our time wondering if it would have been easier or more flexible in Game Maker or TyrannoBuilder. It’s not that we regret it, we just didn’t know.

Be as unique as you are. This is seriously only going to do good for your game. When I think that maybe Animal Lover isn’t selling as well as it ought to, I remember the other visual novels that have come out I haven’t even heard of because the art was standard or the writing was ‘meh’ and didn’t really capture anyone’s attention. As an indie, it’s just a good business move.

Dream big; settle for less. Not less as in lesser, but I had a few big studio songs and some really huge ideas to include in the game. Those big ideas led me to the small ones we found (like putting Bottom Over Top in the BIG SCENE or to having the multiple-faces thing for the characters) and they made the game better.

Maia’s Tips:

First off I disagree with Wil’s point about “writing a book first”. Plenty of people have made and posted vn’s on newgrounds and deviantart without having written an entire book before. Just understand that it takes more than just writing a story. A lot more.

Art wise, the biggest lesson I had to learn was that some of the super cool game stuff just wasn’t feasible for one artist. (I wanted a majority of the game to look more like first person illustrations with unique moving parts and body language. You can see why I didn’t do that).   The Second biggest lesson I learned was hire more artists. Or work with a buddy, I know people like to make these for fun. Video games require art in places you may not even have considered before. There’s characters and all they entail, including unique items (extra outfits, one-time items or expressions, backgrounds, every part of the UI and menus, any little details you want to add like the button changing color when you hover/click/idle etc. It goes on. 

Edits can really pile up, so it’s good to tackle a single aspect at a time. All the bases first then all the clothing, all the buttons on menu A, B then C. You get the point. It can waste time if you have to keep going back to fix or adjust something because a color didn’t match up, or you approached it differently than the 4 others you spent good time planning and executing (looking at you Miguel. Fuck your blinking I hate you.)

Art takes time and preparation. I used to work pretty quickly, but mostly that’s because I didn’t used to as much consideration into my drawings. But you also have to balance Quality and Speed so you can do good work while making deadlines.

Preparing for a game is incredibly important. Your first designs should not be your final designs. While it won’t always be the case, you need to keep in mind that the more you draw a character, the more small changes will occur causing your design to evolve and become inconsistent. Creating reference sheets and mock ups for each character, item/accessory, or icons is a very good way to keep tabs on consistency.

THe last thing I can think of for now is that it’s really *really* good to look up lega information, even if this isn’t a project you’re aiming to sell. I’ve found it extremely helpful to learn about contract creation, copyright information, business building etc etc. 

Oh, and you’re second question

Working in a team for me was pretty difficult and a lot of fun at the same time. I had a blast chiming in to tell my thoughts or ideas on whatever dialogue  we were discussing, or making design changes to something more interesting from the request of Travis or Wil. On the other hand, there’s a lot I wanted to do that I either had to defend or change at their behest. They also had to do this! And it was a big learning experience to have to compromise and discuss with these guys. It feels good to have gone through all this, because the game turned out really great, and I’ve never been prouder of something I’ve created.  It was tough at times, but the experience and growth I gained was genuinely worth it.

10/10 would do again.

[relationshipadviser-blog]

Bad Marriages & Family Relationships (Church, Jan 27, 2019)

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Bad Marriages & Family Relationships (Church, Jan 27, 2019)

NOTE: The first minute-and-a-half of the video is silent — Jesse’s mic was muted before we officially started!

We dealt with a middle-aged man going through divorce, a woman not on the same page with her fiancé, overcoming issues without suffering, anger, beta males, Slender Man, and Iyanla!

Middle-aged man going through divorce

A man talked about dealing with a divorce. His wife still pushes his buttons, whereas he thought he had peace. Jesse advised him: Don’t live in your thoughts, and don’t judge yourself. She complained that he didn’t cherish her, even though he tried to put her first. So Jesse urged him: Never cherish a woman, because she will see you as a weak man. He called it an “emotion trap.” Just allow yourself to grow.

This man wants to date, because he feels lonely and wants companionship. But Jesse tells him: You’re not lonely for a woman; you’re lonely for God, for perfect peace. At age 63, this man still wants to have sex! Sex is not love! His grown daughter and adult children should not want him to get with another woman. It won’t make him happy, but miserable.

Woman is not on same page with fiancé

A woman disagrees with Jesse about nearly everything, including sex not bringing happiness. Jesse asks: What’s the purpose of marriage if not for having children and a family? Your sex will get old, and then the man will go out and cheat. Instead, date and wait 7 years with no sex before marrying. Her fiancé seems just to want the sex, seeing marriage as a way to claim, “That’s my booty.” They see a counselor, but that won’t work. The woman believes that everyone has their own truth, but human beings don’t have truth. They get caught up in emotions and do wrong.

Overcoming issues without suffering

Jesse asked his Biblical Question of the Week this past week: Is there a way to overcome your issues without suffering? Various people answered. Jesse says yes, absolutely. In the light you can see all things, but you must let the anger go. In your fallen state you suffer. For example, ladies should stop trying to change men. You cannot even change your children!

Slender Man horror story

Jesse brought up a report he watched on TV yesterday about a fictional character named Slender Man. Children read about Slender Man and try to summon him, and carry out crazy acts. Three girls in Wisconsin went into the woods; two of them named their victim Bella before trying to stab her to death — believing they did the bidding of Slender Man. Psychologists and lawyers attempted to say they only had issues with their brains. But they’re possessed — medication will not solve a spiritual problem!

Satan wants you more than God does! All of this is spiritual.

Iyanla can’t fix your life!

Jesse also told about seeing an episode of “Iyanla, Fix My Life,” by this woman Iyanla Vanzant. A mother told her daughters that their father raped them when they were children. But it was all lies — Iyanla rightly had them take a lie detector test, and it came out that the mother lied! Unfortunately, the mother never admitted to lying, and Iyanla did not press her to admit she was wrong! Iyanla also told the father that he did not have to forgive the mother, which is not true. He and the daughters should forgive the mother, and then have nothing to do with her — she’s evil! The mother has so much hatred for the father, such that she’s willing to destroy the children to get back at him.

It’s a spiritual battle of good versus evil. Forgive your parents, especially your mother, and your father for being weak. We all have done dumb things, such as have sex out of wedlock, become violent, or not defended ourselves when we should. Some men have been hit by women, and because of false societal expectations, did not defend themselves!

Overcome your anger. It’s wrong to be emotionally attached to others. Don’t hate your fellowman. Men, the world needs you, but men try to please women more than they try to please God! They do this because they have not overcome “mama” and they want sex.

Super Chat donations and questions

One man asked about dealing with gossip at work. Never trust a gossip, and do not allow a person to gossip. And never trust an angry person — their nature is of Satan, and they will turn on you.

Another person asked what it means to pray and watch.

New York passes evil pro-abortion law

Jesse talked about the new pro-abortion law passed in New York by a black woman Andrea Stewart-Cousins. Abortion is evil, and everyone knows it’s wrong, but they make excuses. But Jesse says: I don’t blame the evil people for doing evil; I blame the good people for allowing it to happen. Greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. Perfect love casts out fear.

“It’s ok to be white!”

In this country, it’s okay to be black, Indian, brown, whatever, but it’s not okay to be white! Jesse admonishes one man not to be silent, but to speak up even in class: Don’t let “education” be more important than what’s right. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

Jesse told the story of Travis, a producer for The Fallen State, wearing a T-shirt that said something like “white and proud.” He shouted, “White power!” at the end of the Women’s March in Los Angeles, and all the people surrounded him like demons to attack him. But people can be any other race, and it’s no problem!

Some people discussed the Catholic school students whom the media smeared, including Nick Sandmann who smiled in front of the American Indian activist.

Whites are under attack, because most whites are afraid. With fear, you will be destroyed. Overcome fear by overcoming anger. Start standing up to evil. God is with us!

A man talked about attending “Blexit” event — blacks and Latinos leaving the Democrat Party. One speaker said we should put women on pedestals, to which this man and some friends shouted, “Beta!” And it stopped the crowd from cheering the speaker! This man said that many conservatives are also beta males and RINOs.

No leaders!

The people did not have many questions, but just came to listen. So Jesse urged them: Don’t have leaders! Come with questions. Then afterward, people start talking about their knowledge. But instead, be slow to speak, and start living it!

One man asked about anger: In Colossians 3: 8, it says to put it away, whereas other verses seem to be okay with anger. But Jesse says that the Bible has been tampered with according to the times — one version says, “Our Father and Mother which art in heaven…” so you know that’s wrong! The word of God is written in your heart. Anger is a judgmental nature. So just live. Just be.

Go and forgive your mother!

One man believes that his issue is with his father, and that he loves his mother. But his fiancée says the root is with his mother. Another lady, their friend, approached her mother about having given her pot at age 12! But she’s still afraid of her mother, because she told her mother, “Jesse wanted me to ask you…” instead of asking for herself! The ladies talk about their “strong moms” who hated them.

Do not put too much meaning into dreams. If God wants you to know something, He will reveal it to you and make it clear. You won’t have to wonder.

Do the Silent Prayer no matter what. Get to know yourself, love what’s right. The world attacks good people, because they are afraid of good. Millennial men seem like half-men, half-women, because they are afraid. Let anger go. Forgive your mothers for setting you up, and then playing the “victim.”

SILENT PRAYER: http://silentprayer.video | AUDIO https://soundcloud.com/rebuildingtheman/silent-prayer CHURCH Sunday 11am PT (1pm CT / 2pm ET) http://rebuildingtheman.com/church

BOOKS http://www.bondinfostore.org DONATE http://rebuildingtheman.com/donate

The post Bad Marriages & Family Relationships (Church, Jan 27, 2019) appeared first on Rebuilding the Man.

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Bad Marriages & Family Relationships (Church, Jan 27, 2019)

[anautisticdragon-blog]

On Polygon, Being an SJW, & Insecurities

Deep breath.

So, I dig Polygon. For those who aren't familiar with such an outdated parlance, it means I like them. In fact, I'm a big fan. I might even say I love them. No, that's not fair. The McElroys are involved, including that big baby Travis whom I'm so fond of. So, yes, I do love them. It's not fair to say that I 'might.'

Are Polygon and the McElroys SJWs? Well, from the Alt-Right perspective... Yep. I'm a goddamn SJW, me. Just like Green Arrow. God I loved the controversy that caused, thank you Ben Percy, you're one of my new favourite comic book writers.

What does being an ‘SJW’ mean?

From the Alt-Right perspective, it simply means... You're just not part of the White Supremacy Circlejerk. That's it. Yes, that is the great sin of it all, everyone. If you're not a vile White Supremacist, you're an "SJW cuck." Which is interesting, but I want to get back to that later.

What does being a social rights activist mean to me?

It means I try harder. I've been hurt, I have flaws. I'm human. I err, I fuck up, it's ugly. The difference is is that I have the self-awareness to realise I need to keep trying. I had a problem where I was prejudiced against neurotypicals because so many of them were personally responsible for making my life as an autistic person hell. And yet, that's just spreading the disease of prejudice. I had to stop that. I did stop that.

I've come to realise that it's 'toxic normality' that's the problem, rather than any person or group. And the group which has the most power is going to use all their resources to push their own version of that to homogenise the world into something that they're comfortable with. Which is precisely what the Alt-Right is trying to do. It's exactly what Nazi Germany tried to do, albeit it in a much violent way. I insist though that if you see a Nazi, you should say Nazi. Whether they're part of a military or not.

It's not like the Alt-Right hasn't done their fair share of slaughter in the name of their holy quest. Gunning down an LGBTQ bar, driving into a crowd of peaceful protestors, or even a guy chasing down and beating his elderly dad to death just for having left-leaning opinions. All of this is true, and all of it is endemic of the cancer which fuels the Alt-Right. This sense of their 'default status' as healthy, cishet, white individuals. Their 'normality.'

How does this tie into Polygon?

I was curious why so many of the White Supremacist types have tried to slander Polygon, whether they had any kind of argument or not. And, 2 times out of 10, they'll actually latch onto something that's slightly shady. This is all part of a process of manipulation, though. You have to be right every now and then in order to deceive people when you know you're completely wrong. You can point at that and say 'Unfortunately, I've already proved us right.'

It's a very skeevy, political play. It's the kind that the Alt-Right love. Essentially, they'll dig, they'll doxx, and they'll find the tiniest bits of dirt on a person. Then they'll use those mistakes that someone they dislike has made and weaponise them to make their outright lies and manipulative deceits appear as valid to the untrained eye. It works. It's a very effective, powerful tactic.

If you've been a little bit honest, you can keep using that tiny bit of honesty to shut people down if you're loud enough. It becomes a back and forth where they're trying to detail the dishonesty and the skeevy person is just pointing at this one honest thing they did as a counter-example. It's incredibly commonplace in right wing politics, Trump does it all the goddamn time.

Be honest 2 per cent of the time, then just be loud enough about the 98 per cent of the time that you're not. That's often enough to prey on the cognitive dissonance, biases, prejudices, and worse of people in order to bring them around to believing horrible things.

So the arguments against Polygon hold no water.

Why do they do this, then? Why do sites like Deepfreeze actively lie and misrepresent opinions and everyday occurrences as vile breaches of journalistic etiquette?

As much as the Alt-Right proclaims to love free speech, they hate anyone outside of their echo chamber. They'll often try to shut them down with lies, manipulation, deceit, numbers, loudness, and even violence when they (in their very White minds) think it's 'necessary.' Polygon is left leaning, it's inclusive and accepting of different kinds of people. To all in the Alt-Right, that makes them "leftist cucks."

What does 'cuck' mean? Take a look at this. It's a deeply, heinously racist word that gets to the core of the insecurities of the White Supremacist. You see, it all comes down to race-based sexual anxiety. It's all about dick sizes, if I'm honest. White Supremacists are often White Supremacists because they're tiny down there. Hence "cuck."

Which, hilariously, was at the root of Hitler's insecurities, too. I'm not fucking with you. Hitler had a really tiny dick. This is what drives almost all of White Supremacy.

So, these men with tiny dicks are riddled with insecurities. The insecure often take to overly conservative, traditionalist views because it makes them feel safe. It doesn't put them in a position where they feel less powerful. And since they're already insecure, they need to feel powerful. This means using the dirtiest, lowest tactics to bring down anyone who they perceive as any enemy to their divinely ordained, absolutely perfect White Supremacy.

So if Polygon is inclusive of other ethnicities, if they support strong women, and they generally have a strong willed enough perspective to be left leaning?

Yeah. Exactly.

The thing is? This 'toxic normality' I've talked about often comes back to cognitive dissonance and people feeling just really scared and insecure. That's what's going on, here. Why would anyone use genuinely deceitful, underhanded tactics like this? Why would anyone try to destroy or harm those who're not like them? It's all about the insecurities. They're scared children who feel like their comfortable rug of entitlement is about to be swept out from beneath them.

Oh no! Imagine that! They won't be seen as the divine 'default state' any more. They won't be seen as 'normal.' So what does that leave them with? Well, besides their tiny dicks, of course? Nothing. It leaves them with nothing. They aren't talented people, they're not creative (which is why they're always appropriating, co-opting, and outright criminally stealing things rather than making their own), so they've got nothing to fall back on other than "I'm just so Superior 'cause I'm White!"

Y'see?

So Polygon, being inclusive and supportive, is a threat to what they see as the status quo. They don't want the Zeitgeist to shift in a way that would be unfavourable to them. They're worried they'd lose their entitled, fortunate position they hold over all others. Then all they're left with is their lack of talent and their small dicks.

It's not because they're extraverted, it's not because they're neurotypical, it's not even really because they're white (that's just a tool). It's because they've enjoyed an entitled lifestyle of benefit over all others, and these people know that if they didn't have that, they'd have nothing. They know they get picked in jobs over more talented people by prejudiced bosses because they're white men, if that boon were to shift against them? Well, goodbye cushy job! They'd have to finally learn what life is like without those benefits.

So Polygon isn't responsible for having unethical journalism. Polygon is responsible for having their own opinions, and left leaning perspectives which make incredibly insecure White Supremacists feel uncomfortable. And here's the kickers. Whenever a White Supremacist sees a black, male writer on one of these sites? They don't think it's because they might be talented, but rather because they're winning the 'White entitlement' away from the Alt-Right, that Polygon are ‘pandering.’ And because they've got bigger dicks.

So... Hopefully that's an insight into the mind of an Alt-Right person. Just think of them as tiny, insecure people who're sexually anxious. Yet also people who've been privileged and boosted up by society despite their shortcomings -- emotional, intellectual, and otherwise.

Normally, I'd never shame someone for having a small penis. The thing is, though? It truly does get to the root of why they are, and it's important to understand this insecurity whenever you find yourself having to deal with them. It puts a feather in your cap, that you can understand why they're behaving this way.

Like I said, it all comes back to that word they use, "cuck."

To use ‘cuck’ is to basically say "I'm insecure of other people because I have a tiny penis, and I believe the stereotypes of other ethnicities naturally having a bigger penis than us whites."

Is that sad? Yes. Is that pathetic? Yes. Is that pitiable? Yes. Is that the defining, driving aspect of the Alt-Right? Also yes.

Why do we even pay attention to them?

It's funny, really. If they had an iota of creativity they'd finally understand Austin Powers' dad. It's not the size, it's how you use it. If they had an iota of creativity, they'd be good enough in bed to make up for whatever deficiencies they feel they have. So, really, a small penis isn't a good reason to feel just as insecure as they do. And yet, that's what it's all about.

In a way, it's 'toxic masculinity' and 'toxic normality' turned back on them. Since it's 'normal' to have a big dick, right?

And... in the end, I sort of feel sorry for them. I mean, I also don't because they do kill people. They are murderers and we can't really ignore that, can we? They are criminals, and they have that killer instinct and willingness to maim and kill those they disagree with. So I can't feel too sorry for them but... I also kind of do?

They're just these manchildren lashing out because of their insecurities, with no creativity to make up for it. They're just turning to lies, deceit, and clumsy manipulation to try and prove to the world that they're so great. And... doesn't it just all come over as over-compensating? It's sad. They're sad.

So, beyond the violence, I don't really think that Polygon needs to ever worry about the Alt-Right. I hope Polygon will always continue to be left leaning, opinionated, inclusive, and as ‘SJW’ as they can be. No matter how insecure it makes some particularly sad, pathetic people feel.

Don't feel too much pity for them, though. As I keep pointing out -- do keep in mind that they are murderers. They're not exactly the most wholesome group. See a Nazi, say Nazi. There's never been any good reason to not make fun of a Nazi. That's exactly what I'm doing here, because it needs to happen. It's a little vindictive and petty, sure, but again... I feel the need to point out they're hardly innocent lambs.

They deserve all of this lambasting, and more.

Plus, their toxic opinions have hurt people I care about, and I like Polygon! So this was very cathartic for me. Again: There has never been a good reason to not make fun of a Nazi.