#you can see in his eyes in these pics how miserable and sick he was when i found him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

junghelioseok · 3 years

Text

heart-on.

↳ your one-night stand definitely isn’t relationship material, but maybe—just maybe—your manager’s son is.

◇ hoseok x reader ◇ smut | strangers to lovers!au ◇ 10.1k [1/1]

❛❛ my boss is always telling me how perfect her son would be for me and she promises he’s coming to the next holiday party and don’t worry he’s heard all about me too and ALSO there’s this dude i slept with once a couple of months ago and sometimes he still sends me dick pics when i ask him to at 3 in the morning cause seriously dude’s got a good dick ❜❜

notes: welcome to the first installment of the serendipity series! we’re starting with hoseok, because, well, have you met me? 🤣 be warned, however, that this isn’t anywhere near as edited as i’d like so i’ll probably give it another read/edit tomorrow but for now!!! here it is!!!

⇢ series masterlist. | inspired by this post.

warnings: dirty talk bc hoseok’s got a bit of a mouth on him, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, kids!), sexting. dick pics, obvi. brief mention of a dead pet goldfish :(

You’re refilling your mug when you hear it. Voices filter out from the kitchen, floating past the coffee station where you’re pouring yourself another drink and hanging in the open air of the hallway that leads back to the rest of the office. They’re familiar voices, too—voices that belong to the resident gossips of your workplace. Lottie’s pitchy, nasal tone melds with Hyejin’s higher one, their conversation interrupted every so often by an exaggerated exclamation or gasp from Sandra, the third and final member of their trio.

“Haven’t you heard? Carolyn’s divorce was finalized over the weekend, the poor thing.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine how she’s feeling. I mean, getting back into dating at her age? Goodness!”

“And now she’ll be all alone at the holiday party, too. How sad is that?”

“It’s tragic. Poor thing.”

Rolling your eyes, you grab a packet of sugar and tear it open, upending it over your mug and watching the crystalline granules fall into the dark liquid within. You know for a fact that Sandra and her husband can’t even stand to be in the same room for an extended period of time, considering how they’d spent most of last year’s holiday party talking to entirely different groups of people. You’d sat two tables away from them during dinner, and they hadn’t even made eye contact once. And as for Lottie and Hyejin, well, you’re certain that their relationships aren’t much better. All three of them are miserable people as far as you’re concerned, and you make a mental note to check in on Carolyn—a sweet woman in her thirties who always keeps chocolate bars in her purse—on your way back to your desk.

“Sheesh. Vultures, the lot of them. Don’t you think?”

You whirl at the sound of your manager’s voice. Kyunghee Jung is a dark-haired woman in her late fifties, and she laughs when she sees your startled expression, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Easy! You’ll spill your coffee if you’re not careful.”

“I’ll probably have a heart attack first,” you reply, pressing a hand to your chest. “What was your job before this? Some kind of intelligence operative? Are you a super spy?”

Kyunghee laughs again and joins you at the counter. “Nothing even remotely as exciting as that,” she answers, plopping her mug down beside yours. It’s decorated with what looks like every color of the rainbow, a massive smiling sunflower taking up the majority of the surface, and the only remnant of the ceramic’s original color is on the very edge of the handle where there’s a lopsided little patch of white. The piece is clearly handmade, and a stark contrast to the simple mint green cup that houses your coffee. Looking at it, it’s impossible not to smile.

“I love that,” you remark, inclining your head at her mug. “Was it a present from one of your kids?”

“Hoseok,” she confirms, running a fingertip along the imperfect handle fondly. “I’ve told you about him before—he’s right around your age.”

You chuckle. “Right, I remember. That’s why he’s the perfect match for me, right?”

“Come now, there’s more to it than that,” Kyunghee defends, waving a hand. “But yes, to answer your question. He gave it to me as a birthday present when he was eight.”

“Well, you never told me he was an artist,” you tease. “Does he have an Etsy? Can I buy one of these off him? Does he do custom orders, maybe?”

Normally, your manager is more than happy to play along with your jokes, but today Kyunghee fixes you with an uncharacteristically serious look. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?” she asks. “He’s coming to the holiday party, after all. I figured you could finally meet.”

You blink. Kyunghee has been making offhand remarks about how well you would get on with her son, Hoseok, for over a year now, but you’ve never even come close to broaching the topic of meeting him. You don’t even know anything about the man beyond the fact that his name is Hoseok and that he works somewhere downtown. He also favors tall socks and yellow suspenders if the framed photograph on Kyunghee’s desk is any indication—or at least, he certainly did when he was still in diapers. Whether he still does, is anyone’s guess.

“Wow, I had no idea he was even interested in coming,” you manage when you’ve recovered from your surprise. “Did you bribe him?”

If Kyunghee notices that your voice is a few pitches higher than usual, she doesn’t remark on it. “Oh, you know. I just told him that this would be his last chance to score free booze on the company’s dime.” She laughs. “Three more months and it’s going to be all beaches and sunshine for me. I might even become a cruise person in my retirement.”

You gasp and slap a hand to your heart. “Kyunghee! Think of the environmental impact!”

“I said I might!” she retorts immediately. “Sheesh. Even in my old age, it’s hard to conveniently forget how shitty and unsustainable those damn boats are.”

You pick up your mug and raise it in a salute. “Well, the oceans thank you.”

“My husband doesn’t,” she answers with a sigh. “He’s been dying to book one of those trips that stop all along the Mediterrannean coastline, and I can’t exactly blame him.”

“That is tempting,” you admit. “You’ll have to send photos, if you do end up going.”

“You’ll be sick of me and my photos before the first day is even up,” she promises. Then she pauses, her eyes darting toward the kitchen where silence has fallen in the last few minutes. “Speaking of being sick—you think the vultures are still hovering around in there? I haven’t had lunch yet, and I need the microwave.”

Obligingly, you edge a little closer to the kitchen doorway and poke your head around the frame, scanning for Lottie and her sidekicks. “Coast is clear. Enjoy your lunch, Kyunghee.”

She nods and raises her mug at you, returning your salute. “I always do.”

///

As soon as the work day ends, you fall into your usual routine. Your commute home is easily walkable on nicer days, and though the winter weather is brisker than you’d like, you decide to walk for the sake of stopping at the convenience store on the corner of the block.

Once you arrive back at your apartment, you change into your comfiest sweats and a loose tee. You turn on some music while you throw together some dinner, and settle onto the couch half an hour later with a full plate and Netflix. Television is a welcome distraction from the events of the workday, and you manage to get through three full episodes of your current show before your pesky brain decides to revisit the events of today, replaying the conversations that you’d both had and overheard.

There’s no denying that you’ve been single for quite some time now, and for the most part, it’s been by choice. Ever since graduating from university, you’ve chosen to focus more on your career, and it’s paid off both in terms of the important position you hold in your company and your above average salary. And yet, you can’t help but think back to the gossip you’d overheard earlier—about the supposed tragedy of being single and attending the upcoming holiday party alone. Your mind wanders to Kyunghee’s son, Hoseok, and how he’ll be in attendance this year. You wonder what he’s like, and whether he really is perfect for you, as Kyunghee seems to be so fond of mentioning.

And then your mind goes to Jay.

You met Jay two months ago, on a well-deserved night out after a hellish workweek. The bar was crowded, and the music coming from the neon dancefloor in the back was just loud enough to drown out your inhibitions. That, combined with the alcohol swimming through your system, made you bold. You sashayed your way across the dancefloor, dodging inebriated bodies and swaying limbs as you fixed your attention on the head of pale lavender hair and deliciously broad shoulders that awaits you just behind the bar counter. The bartender is nothing short of gorgeous, and you’ve thrown all caution to the wind. Sure, several other women are eyeing him like he’s their next meal—several men are, too—but you need another drink. And while he prepares it, you plan to flirt.

A lot.

The bar counter is sticky with spilled liquor, but you don’t pay that any mind as you lean across it, the wood digging into the narrow strip of exposed skin left by your cropped top. “Hi!” you call, and the bartender looks up from where he’s just finished pouring a round of shots for a group of raucous young men.

“Hi yourself,” he says, his pillowy lips stretching into an easy smile. “What can I get you?”

You pretend not to notice the way his eyes flicker down to the dip of your cleavage and instead put on the sultriest smile you are capable of mustering. “Vodka soda,” you tell him, injecting a bit of purr into your voice. “A bit of lemon too, if you have it.”

“Trust me, I have it,” he assures, his smile growing as he reaches for a clean glass and a clear bottle. “Name’s Jin, by the way. I’m here all night, if you need anything e—”

A loud clatter and the sound of breaking glass interrupts the rest of his sentence, and all eyes at the bar go to the source of the disturbance. Conversations stutter to a halt, and even the thumping bass of the music seems to dull. Jin darts to the other end of the bar, where you can see that one of several barstools has fallen to the ground. There’s a man on the ground as well, surrounded by shattered glass and spilled dark liquor, and your eyes widen when you realize that you know him.

And arguably, a little too well.

“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. People are starting to lose interest in the spectacle, turning back to their own conversations and continuing on as if nothing had happened at all. The man is beginning to clamber to his feet, and a few people lend a helping hand as Jin begins barking out orders for everyone to step back so he can sweep up the broken glass. You seize upon the opportunity, latching on to the nearest arm and pulling them close so you can hide behind them. Vaguely, you’re aware of them sputtering in surprise, but you only have eyes for the man who had fallen off his stool, watching him carefully as he brushes himself off and tries to play it cool despite the sizable patch of whiskey soaking his white shirt.

“Hey, uh…” Your human shield is speaking. “Are you okay? You’re squeezing me pretty tight.”

That draws you out of your daze. Abashed, you loosen your grip on his arm and look up into his face, your throat going dry when you realize how handsome he is. His black hair is parted over his forehead, a stray strand falling into warm brown eyes set above a straight nose and an inviting mouth. There’s a freckle above his top lip, just shy of the center, and your inebriated brain wonders just what it would be like to kiss it.

“I, um—” You clear your throat and try again. “Sorry about that. I just didn’t want him to see me.”

Your newfound companion raises an eyebrow and glances over his shoulder at the drunk man, who is now being ushered out of the bar by his buddies. “You know that guy?”

You nod, cringing. “Yeah, his name’s Trent. I… may or may not have dated him for a few months last year.”

The man laughs out loud. “You dated a Trent?”

“What, like you’ve never made a questionable life choice?” you challenge. “Besides, you shouldn’t judge someone based on the sins of their parents. It’s not his fault they gave him a terrible name.”

“Sure, but it is on him for going along with it,” he replies with a shrug. “I would’ve changed my name as soon as I could if my parents had named me Trent. But hey, that’s just one man’s opinion.”

You laugh. “Okay then, Not-Trent.” Relinquishing your grip on his arm, you let your fingers graze his hand before pulling away entirely. “What do you say we continue this conversation over a drink?”

The man, whose name is decidedly not Trent, catches your fingers in his and gives them a gentle squeeze. “Happily.”

One drink turns into two, and then three. By the end of the hour, you are feeling pleasantly warm, the alcohol spreading through your veins like molasses and turning your surroundings into a hazy blur. The music has grown even louder, pounding against your eardrums, and you grab onto Not-Trent’s wrist as he sets his now-empty glass back down onto the counter.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” you ask, raising your voice to be heard over the thumping bassline. “I can’t even hear myself think.”

“The parking lot’s out back,” he suggests. “Why don’t we get some air?”

You nod and stand up on wobbly legs, cursing your decision to wear heels when you stumble into your companion. He steadies you with a gentle but firm hand, and you don’t miss the way his touch lingers on your lower back, his palm warm through the material of your blouse.

Together, the two of you pick your way through the throng of swaying bodies on the dancefloor. The bassline thuds in your ears, dark and hypnotic, and you can feel the reverberations thrumming across the slats of your ribs and echoing in the cavern of your chest like a second heartbeat.

It’s almost a relief, then, when you step out into the cool night air. Your ears continue to ring for a few seconds, but it soon fades and leaves behind only the muted hum of traffic from the street and the faint sound of music from inside. At your side, Not-Trent releases a long breath and leans against the brick wall of the building, and you turn to take in the steep slopes of his side profile as he tilts his head up toward the velvety night sky.

He’s handsome. Dressed in ripped jeans and black leather, he’s a sight to behold, and you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t been craving a bit of intimacy for quite some time now. The alcohol swimming through your system makes you bolder than you normally would be, and you reach out to lay a hand on his arm. He turns toward you with a silent question glimmering in his irises, but you simply step closer, until you’re pinning him against the wall with your body and you’re breathing the same air.

“Hey,” you say, your voice an airy whisper. His eyes are near obsidian in the dimness of the parking lot, illuminated only by the orange glow of the streetlamps on either end, and your gaze flickers down to his mouth before roving to the freckle that sits upon his top lip. “Kiss me?”

Your companion’s eyes widen. His lips part, but no words come out, and you’re about to repeat your question when he finally finds his voice again.

“That’s really… that’s not a good idea.” Awkwardly, he clears his throat, but the hoarseness of his voice and the harsh bob of his Adam’s apple give away his true desires. “Look, you’ve been drinking. We both have, and—”

You cut him off, pushing up to your tiptoes and planting a messy kiss to the soft dip just beneath his bottom lip. “Don’t care,” you mumble against his skin. “I want you.”

Your companion laughs weakly. His hands find their way to your waist and pause there, as if he can’t decide whether to push you away or pull you closer. “You don’t even know me,” he murmurs.

“I don’t have to know you,” you reply. Your fingers drag down his chest, trailing along the delicate silver necklace that rests against the black of his shirt. From the chain hangs a round pendant, the surface engraved with the letter J. Slowly, you trace it with a fingertip, the metal shining even in the dim light, and satisfaction blooms in your heart when your companion’s throat bobs again. “I want you,” you breathe, soft but insistent. “Isn’t that enough?”

“I—” He clears his throat and tries again, and you wonder if he realizes that his hands have slid down to your hips, or that there’s a growing hardness against your lower stomach that’s becoming increasingly harder to ignore. “Look, I’m flattered—really, I am. And you’re… I mean, fuck, you’re gorgeous. But I don’t think we should do anything when you’re clearly not in the right frame of mind to be making this kind of decision, and—”

“And, nothing.” You wind your arms around his neck, pressing close and grinding subtly against the bulge in his pants. You smirk when he releases a low hiss from between his teeth, and hide it by laying a trail of kisses along the stretch of bare skin exposed by the dip of his collar. “Stop being such a gentleman,” you whisper. Your fingers trail down his chest, past the silver of his pendant and down to the faded denim of his jeans, teasing at the cool metal of his belt buckle. “I want this. But if you’re not interested, I can always go back in there and—”

The rest of your sentence dies in your throat. Your companion has tugged you flush against him in one smooth motion, and your gasp is cut off by the firm press of his mouth against yours. Immediately, you melt into the kiss, and a moan tears from your lips when he spins you around and pins you against the brick wall of the building.

“You’re a spoiled little thing, huh?” His breath fans hot against your cheeks, and you shiver when you meet his eyes and see the dark promise reflected there. “Used to getting what you want, huh, princess?”

Your breath hitches at the endearment—something your companion doesn’t miss. “Oh, you like that?” He chuckles hoarsely, and when he speaks again it’s in a rasp that sends heat straight to your core. “What else do you like, hmm? You want me to be rough with you, princess? Or should I be gentle and treat you like a queen?”

You reach up, raking your fingers through his hair and skimming across the soft strands of his undercut before finding purchase at his nape. “You talk too much,” you whisper.

And then you’re crushing your mouth back against his, whining when he immediately takes back control of the kiss. His grip slides downward, his fingertips digging into the skin just above the curve of your ass, and you squeak when he grabs the back of your thigh and hooks your leg around his waist.

“You feel that?” he rasps into your ear, nipping at the delicate shell and chortling when you keen. Your skirt has ridden up dangerously high on your spread thighs, and you let out a soft whimper when he grinds harshly against your center. The lace of your panties and the denim of his jeans are the last barricades between you, and you wonder, vaguely, whether your companion has a bit of an exhibitionist streak when he slides one of your sleeves down your shoulder and begins kissing a trail down to the swell of your cleavage. “You feel how hard you’ve gotten me?”

You lean down, kissing the soft spot where his jaw meets his ear before letting your teeth graze against his skin. “Why don’t you do something about it then?”

He hisses out a sharp breath, his hands tightening their hold on your hips. “You’ve got quite the mouth on you, huh? I can’t wait to make you eat your words.”

Any retort you may have had is interrupted by a sudden swell of music and the sound of a slamming door. Whirling to face the source of the noise, you immediately spot a familiar head of lavender hair atop broad shoulders encapsulated in the black uniform of the bar. Jin hasn’t noticed the two of you yet, his attention fixated on his cell phone screen, but he looks up when you let out a little squeak of surprise and shove your companion’s chest in an attempt to create some distance between you.

“Hey.” Jin raises a hand in greeting, a knowing smirk curling his lips. “This phone call shouldn’t be too long, so please. Don’t stop the party on my behalf.”

Heat floods to your cheeks. There isn’t much use protesting against his insinuation, considering the rather compromising position you’re in. Much to your relief, though, your companion simply huffs out a chuckle and waves Jin off. “Thanks, man, but we’ll get out of your hair.” Lowering his voice, he turns back to you. “Coming, princess?”

You nod. He offers you his hand, and you take it gratefully, adjusting your skirt so that it drapes properly over your hips and thighs again.

“Have a good night!” Jin calls after you, amusement lacing every word. You can’t work up the nerve to respond, and luckily, you don’t have to. Your companion leads you around the corner of the building, where several rows of cars are parked beneath an orange streetlamp. On this side, the exterior brick wall is painted with a mural, and you admire the colorful galaxies and nebulae swirling amidst silvery white stars and the word serendipity spray-painted in pale blue.

The last car in the row is parked just beneath the letter Y, and it’s here that your companion stops. The sleek black vehicle has an almost vintage feel to it, and you glance up when you hear the jingle of metal.

“I’m guessing this is yours?”

He nods, pulling a set of keys from the pocket of his leather jacket and inserting one into the lock. “Yeah. You like it?”

“It’s beautiful,” you tell him, tracing the edge of the passenger window “Makes my car look like a total piece of shit by comparison.”

Your companion chuckles, pulling open the driver’s side door, and you catch a glimpse of your reflection in the window as he presses a button to unlock the rest of the doors. Your hair’s a bit of a mess and your mascara has smudged beneath your right eye, and you hurriedly swipe at it as your companion turns his attention back to you.

“So,” he says. “Now what? I can give you a ride home, if you want.”

Deliberately, you let your gaze drop down to his crotch, where his bulge—albeit waning—is still visible. “Seriously? I thought you were going to… what was it again? Make me eat my words?”

And just like that, it’s as if a switch has flipped. His eyes darken to obsidian, his lips settling into a stern line, and you barely have time to draw in a breath before he’s caging you against the side of his car and molding his mouth to yours. Your lips part beneath the onslaught, and he wastes no time in dipping inside to explore, licking into you until you’re both breathless.

“Inside,” he breathes once you’ve broken apart, and you instantly obey. You wrench the door open and all but tumble into the backseat, and he isn’t far behind as he slots himself between your spread thighs. Your hands fly to his shoulders where you help him shuck off his leather jacket, tossing it carelessly to the front where it lands in a heap on the dashboard before focusing your attention on the hem of his black t-shirt. Your companion obliges you as you push it upward to expose his toned abdomen, grabbing it by the collar and pulling it off the rest of the way when your reach falls a little short in the cramped interior of the backseat.

“Your turn,” he whispers when you try to reach for his belt, his hands settling around your wrists. “It’s only fair, princess.”

Pouting, you let your hands fall limp in his grasp, and he chuckles as he leans down to pacify you with a kiss. Deft fingers find the hem of your blouse, pushing it up until you can twist out of the material. You throw it aside with no regard for where it lands on the ground, and lay back as your companion drinks you in, his dark gaze raking across the lacy black lingerie that decorates your curves and skims you like a second skin. “Fuck,” he breathes, his voice hoarse with a combination of amazement and disbelief. “You’re stunning.”

You smile, trailing a fingertip from the dip of his collarbone down to the silver necklace that sits prettily against his bare chest. “You’re not so bad yourself,” you tell him, tracing the letter engraved into his pendant. “Jay.”

Your companion—newly dubbed Jay—smiles back. “You’re something else, princess,” he murmurs, before leaning down to kiss you again. He explores your mouth thoroughly—languidly—before moving down to nip at your neck, and already, you can feel the beginnings of marks beginning to form, blossoming across your skin as irrefutable proof of your tryst.

It isn’t long before Jay frees you from your bra, watching with carnal fascination as your breasts spill out of the lacy material. You whine when he reaches out to cup one, his palm hot against your bare skin, and he smirks crookedly when a pinch to your nipple makes your back arch off the leather of the seat. “So pretty,” he rasps. “I can’t wait to see how you look stretched around my cock.”

“Stop waiting, then,” you tell him, trying again for his belt buckle. This time, he lets you fumble it open, leaning back to watch you work with hooded eyes and a lazy little smile. Emboldened, you push aside the denim of his jeans and free his cock from the confines of his underwear. He’s hard and hot and heavy in your palm, and your tongue darts out instinctively at the sight of the pearlescent precum beading the tip.

“Jay,” you murmur, thumbing across the head of his erection and smirking when he hisses in pleasure. “Fuck me.”

Jay seems to consider your demand, mischief flitting across his features before he manages to school his expression into something more neutral. “Where are your manners, princess?” he asks, pushing your hand away and giving himself a few long, slow strokes. “Say please, if you want it so bad.”

For a moment, you consider refusing. Jay seems to be the type of man who enjoys a good game, but between the state of his cock and the earlier interruption, you’re pretty sure he’s nearing his limit. And even if he isn’t, you are. And so, you shelve your pride for the time being, and trail a hand down the length of your bared body as you bat your lashes up at him. “Fuck me, Jay,” you repeat. “Please. Want your cock so bad.”

His answering smile is equal parts amusement and satisfaction, and altogether sinful. “That’s my girl,” he rasps, before shoving your panties aside. Lining the head of his cock up, he enters you in one smooth thrust, and you moan as your walls stretch to accommodate his girth. You’re more than wet enough to take him in his entirety, your eyes fluttering shut when he bottoms out, and he groans hoarsely as he takes a second to relish the feeling of your walls gripping him so tightly.

“Fuck. You’re so wet, princess.” Jay dips a thumb into your slick, spreading it across your clit and rubbing a few experimental circles around the sensitive nub. He groans when you clench around him, his hips stuttering, and you squeeze around him again just to hear him grit out another curse. “Shit. I’m not going to last long at this rate.”

“Don’t care,” you murmur, rocking against him and sighing when the motion sends him a little deeper into your core. “Just fuck me, Jay. Please.”

Jay leans in, a dark lock of hair falling across his forehead as he plants an indulgent kiss on your waiting mouth. “Anything for you, princess,” he breathes. Slowly, he pulls back until only the tip of his cock remains inside you. Then he’s slamming forward, and you can’t even find it in yourself to care about the obscene sound of skin slapping against skin or the way the car rocks. Jay’s thumbing across your clit in tight circles that he times perfectly with the rock of his hips, and you wonder whether the rapidly building pleasure in your belly is due to your dry spell or if he’s just that good. You can feel every inch of him as he fills you up repeatedly, his brows furrowed in concentration and his dark hair flopping as he drives deeper in search of the spot that will have you seeing stars.

You know he’s found it when the pleasure in your belly spikes, your back arching off the backseat. Your skin is sticky against the dark leather and you’re certain the sweat gathering at your temples has destroyed the last of your makeup, but Jay alleviates your concerns with a particularly well-timed thrust and a harsh nip to the soft spot at your clavicle. You keen out something unintelligible, and his lips stretch into a smirk against your skin.

“That’s it,” he encourages. “Cum for me, princess.”

That’s all it takes for the mounting pressure to snap. Your body collapses into a searing orgasm, the pleasure flaring out like a supernova and spreading through your veins like wildfire. “F-fuck, Jay—” you gasp, your fingers scrabbling at his back for purchase and no doubt leaving scratches in their wake. “Fuck, you feel so—”

The remainder of your words trail off into garbled nonsense, and Jay huffs out a strained chuckle as he begins chasing after his own orgasm, rutting against you in a way that both prolongs your pleasure and sustains his own. “Shit,” he groans, his eyes fluttering shut. “Fuck, that’s it. Look at you—taking my cock so well. So pretty and perfect and—”

Whatever he was going to say dissolves into a groan as he gives a few more erratic thrusts before his release overwhelms him. Creamy warmth floods through you, and you rub his back tiredly as his head drops onto your shoulder, his breath flaring hot against your skin as he rides out his orgasm.

It takes several long seconds for the pleasure to recede. Your legs are still shaky when Jay pulls away, straightening up and tucking himself back into his jeans. There’s an empty ache in your core now that you are no longer stuffed full of his cock, and already, you are missing the feeling. Still, you push that aside as you sit up, adjusting your panties and wincing at the wetness that soaks the material and sticks to your skin.

“So,” Jay says after a moment’s silence, and you glance over at him when he huffs out a short chuckle. “That was fun.”

“Not bad at all,” you agree weakly, an irrepressible smile tugging at your lips.

Jay grins. It’s a bright, infectious grin—and it’s one that you’ve already grown rather fond of in the short period of time you’ve known him. It’s a grin that showcases his perfect teeth and crinkles his eyes into crescents, and one that all but forces you to grin back.

“Here, give me your phone,” he says, and you watch as he punches in his number once you hand it over. “Just in case you ever wanna do this again,” he tells you, handing it back. “Don’t be a stranger, princess.”

You glance down at his contact information, saved under the moniker you’d given him and affixed with a short string of emojis. “I won’t,” you tell him, chuckling. “In fact, I just might take you up on the offer.”

The screen of your laptop has long since gone dark, and you stretch your arms overhead before waking it again. Rolling your shoulders, you navigate back to the main Netflix menu, hovering over the resume button and watching the trailer loop in the background.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about Jay often. You’ve texted each other quite often since that night in his car—usually when you’re bored and alone and have had a few too many glasses of wine in the evenings. You’ve found yourself tapping on his name instinctively during those odd, ambiguous hours—when late night and early morning meld together and you’re aching for a bit of relief.

And as if he knows you’re thinking about him, your phone buzzes against the coffee table, the screen lighting up with a familiar name.

[11:22pm] Jay 😘🍆💦: thinkin about u, pretty girl 😘

It’s followed by an image, and your heart rate picks up, thudding loudly against your ribs as you open it.

Fuck.

Your memories of Jay’s face—made all the more hazy by the alcohol and the amount of time elapsed since your first and only meeting—truly don’t do him justice. Though the photograph cuts off just above his nose, you can still admire the sharp angle of his jaw and the fullness of his puckered lips. His skin is golden against the white of his t-shirt, and you lick your lips before thumbing across your screen to respond.

[11:23pm] You: yeah? what else are you thinking about, hmm?

His response is instantaneous.

[11:23pm] Jay 😘🍆💦: thinking about that pretty little pussy of yours

[11:23pm] Jay 😘🍆💦: how good it looked in that pic u sent me tuesday 👅

You barely even notice the way your hand begins trailing down your body, pushing aside the elastic waistband of your sweats. It’s as if you’re on autopilot, as your fingers find their way to the damp spot growing on your panties.

Yeah? you write back with your free hand, already teasing at your clothed folds with the other. Tell me more.

///

It’s an uncharacteristically warm Friday morning when you find yourself in the elevator with Jimin, a good friend of yours who works on one of the lower levels of your office building. “Morning,” he says as he steps in, a large iced coffee in hand despite the fact that it’s still very much the middle of winter. Then he squints, leaning a little closer. “Oh my god. You got laid!”

“Oh my god, not so loud!” you hiss, whacking him on the shoulder and jabbing the button to close the elevator doors. “And no, not exactly. I’ve just been texting Jay.”

“Texting, sure.” Jimin mimes air quotes around the word and rolls his eyes. “You’re sexting him, and we all know it. How many pictures of his dick do you have saved on your phone now?”

“Oh my—” You sigh, trailing off. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

“Right, of course.” Jimin takes a sip of his coffee and pretends to check his watch. “When would you like to talk about it then? Do you need to check your calendar? Can I book an appointment for later this afternoon?”

You stick your tongue out at him. “Shut up.”

Jimin just grins, his lips puckered around his straw. “So, how’s Jay? Have you asked for his real name yet?”

You shrug. “What’s the point? It’s not like we’re friends or anything. We’ve literally only met the one time.”

“Yeah, but that’s just because you’re a coward,” Jimin points out. “What’s stopping you from meeting up with him again? You have his number. You have at least one photo of his dick. Ask him out already!”

“It’s not that easy, though,” you sigh. The elevator doors open to let a few more people in, and you move to the side and lower your voice so that only Jimin can hear. “Jay—he’s not exactly boyfriend material. I mean, we fucked in his car the first night we met.”

“So?” Jimin frowns and takes another sip of his iced coffee. “You talk about things besides sex, don’t you? You definitely told him about your goldfish dying, at least. I mean, you told him before you even told me!”

“Yes I did, and he was appropriately sympathetic about Mustache’s passing, unlike some people,” you sniff. “Get over it already, won’t you?”

“Never,” Jimin replies, ignoring your pointed jab. “I’m sure you only told him because you knew you could get a sympathy sext out of it. How many dick pics did you get out of that night, anyway?”

“You’re gross,” you tell him, punching him in the arm. “Not to mention that’s exactly why Jay’s not boyfriend material. He’s perfectly happy with—whatever it is we’re doing. I can’t just ruin that by asking him to get dinner.” You frown, gnawing on your bottom lip. “I don’t want to make this into something that it’s not.”

Jimin hesitates. “Fine, okay. I guess I can understand that.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a pause, as the elevator makes a few more stops. You watch the numbers crawl higher, and know that you’ll soon have to part ways with your friend..

“Hey.” You nudge Jimin with your shoulder, just as the elevator doors close and you begin the ascent to his floor. “Wanna know something interesting?”

Jimin looks up from his phone, where he’s scrolling through Twitter. “Always.”

“My boss’ son is coming to the party tomorrow.”

Jimin’s eyebrows disappear into his ashy blond hair at your revelation. “Kyunghee’s son? Hoseok, or whatever?”

You chuckle. “The one and only. She’s found about a million ways to bring him up in conversation this past week. She thinks we’re a match made in heaven.”

“Wow.” Jimin releases a long breath. “I wonder what he’s like, then.”

You shrug, adjusting the strap of your work tote over your shoulder. “I guess we’ll find out, won’t we?”

///

The morning of the party, you wake up to an empty refrigerator. Half stale cereal and the last dregs of milk from the carton become your breakfast, and you munch on that as you mull over the contents of your closet. You’re still in your pajamas, but you pull out your comfiest jeans and a sweater to change into after you finish eating. Then you turn to your collection of dresses, rifling through them and mentally debating the merits of each material and color.

You could go in one of two directions tonight. On the one hand, this is still a work party, and as such your attire should probably maintain a certain level of decorum. But on the other, you’re meeting Hoseok Jung for the first time tonight. You aren’t necessarily looking to start anything with the man, of course, but you do want to look good. With that in mind, you eventually settle on a deep red number that you pull out of the very back of your closet, made of a silky material that skims your curves and accentuates your best assets. Laying it on the bed, you begin your hunt for a pair of matching shoes. Twenty minutes of searching and another five of agonizing later, you step into the bathroom, intent on showering and getting on with the rest of your day.

Upon exiting the bathroom, you decide that tackling the state of your refrigerator takes top priority over your other weekend errands. Sitting down at the dining table, you take stock of what you have in your pantry, planning out your meals for the upcoming week and making a list of what you need to purchase in order to make them a reality. It’s just after one in the afternoon when you exit your apartment with a completed grocery list and your purse stuffed full of reusable canvas bags. The store is a short walk from where you live, and you decide to put in your earbuds as your feet navigate the familiar route. The temperature is surprisingly mild for winter, and the sun shines bright from its perch in the cloudless blue sky. It’s perfect weather for a walk, and the fresh air clears your mind and eases your heart.

At the grocery store, you forego the stack of baskets and instead grab a shopping cart. Weaving your way up and down the aisles, you check items off the list on your phone one by one. Eventually, you find yourself in the cereal section, grabbing a box of granola before turning to where your favorite cereal normally sits. It isn’t there, and you turn in a full circle, confused, until your gaze finally lands on the familiar box on the top shelf.

Great.

Sighing, you push up to your tiptoes, stretching your arm as far as it can reach. Your fingertips graze the shelf, but you can’t quite get a grip on the box itself. Glancing down, you scan the bottommost shelf and wonder if you can step on it to give yourself a boost.

“Need a hand?”

The voice comes from behind you, and a vague sense of familiarity sparks in your brain. Slowly, you turn around, and your entire body freezes when your gaze slides up to the speaker’s face.

“Jay.” The syllable escapes you in a near whisper. “H-hi.”

“Hey.”

Jay stands before you, looking like sin incarnate in a faded denim jacket, black sweatpants slung low on his hips, and not much else. At his throat, his silver necklace sparkles, the silver J pendant glinting beneath the fluorescent lights of the store, and you’re suddenly beyond grateful that you decided to put on a decent sweater before leaving.

“Here,” he says, stepping forward until he’s close enough that you can smell his cologne—sandalwood tinged with sweet citrus. “Let me help you with that.”

The sudden proximity has your breath hitching in your throat. Your heart thuds erratically against your ribs as he reaches around you, the denim flaps of his jacket gaping in a way that exposes even more of his bare chest. By the time he pulls back with your cereal box in hand, you feel almost faint, belatedly realizing that you’d been holding your breath.

“You wanted this, right?” Jay asks, and you aren’t sure if you’re imagining the innuendo underlying his words or the teasing inflection of the syllables.

“Y-yeah, that’s the one,” you manage, fighting to quell the uneven tempo of your heartbeat as you accept the box. “Thanks.”

“Happy to help,” he replies. Then he leans in, close enough that you can feel his warm breath fanning your cheek as he murmurs his next sentence into your ear. “Anything for you, princess. You know that.”

Heat floods across your cheeks. Your heart skips two full beats before taking off into a sprint, and it’s impossible to ignore the way your core begins to thrum, as if anticipating a repeat of that night you first met all those weeks ago. Almost instinctively, your eyes dart up to the ceiling where the security cameras are, and Jay follows the trajectory of your gaze with a low chuckle and a soft brush of your cheek with the pad of his thumb.

“Sorry, princess. As much as I’d love to get my hands on you, I’m kind of on a time crunch today.”

You can’t stop the wave of disappointment that washes over you, even if you’re in the exact same boat. “Rain check, then?”

“Rain check,” he agrees. Slowly, you reach up to touch the engraved silver pendant resting against his chest, rubbing it between your fingertips before tracing the curve of the J, and he catches your wandering fingers between his and presses a gentle kiss to your knuckles.

“You know how to reach me,” he murmurs with a mischievous wink. His gaze lingers even after he’s released your hand, and you clear your throat awkwardly before turning to deposit your cereal box into your shopping cart.

The two of you go your separate ways then, exchanging goodbyes. You finish the rest of your grocery shopping in a daze, idly going through the motions at checkout and letting muscle memory guide you back home. Your arms are aching by the time you step past the threshold of your apartment, and you heave your shopping bags up onto the kitchen counter with a relieved sigh before returning to the entryway to toe off your shoes. You throw together a sandwich as you unpack your groceries, taking a big bite as you walk back to your bedroom to look at the dress you’ve picked out. Pacing over to the closet, you double-check your shoe choice. Briefly, you debate whether or not to wear flats instead of heels.

There are still a few hours left before you have to start getting ready, so you take the last of your sandwich back to the kitchen and whip up a smoothie to go with it. You scroll through your phone as you eat, browsing through the latest news headlines and scrolling through your social media accounts. Just before six o’clock, as the sun starts setting beyond the horizon and casting long shadows across your living room, you start getting changed. You snap a photo in the mirror once you’re dressed, pulling up Jimin’s name in your phone and sending it to him.

[6:13pm] You: last chance to come tonight

Your phone buzzes with a response almost immediately.

[6:14pm] Jimin: nah. i’d hate to step on hoseok’s toes.

You laugh. Not so fast, you text back. We don’t even know anything about the guy yet. What if he’s boring? Or sexist?

[6:15pm] Jimin: if u think kyunghee raised a sexist you’re seriously deranged

[6:16pm] Jimin: now stop taking selfies and get your ass out the door! you’re gonna be late!!!!

///

Each year, the holiday party tends to be a little over the top, and this year is no exception. The company has bought out the entirety of a restaurant for the evening, and you glance around in amazement at the twinkling lights and lush evergreen boughs decorating the walls and strung up along the ceiling. An assortment of sparkling ornaments hangs from the massive tree in the far corner, interspersed between silver tinsel and more lights. Grabbing a champagne flute off a passing server’s tray, you head farther into the restaurant, skirting around tables draped in creamy linen and greeting your colleagues and friends.

“Is she alone?”

“Figures.”

The voices come from the direction of the open bar, and somehow, you just know that they’re talking about you. Lottie, Hyejin, and Sandra are clustered in the corner with glasses of wine in hand, casting glances around the restaurant and gossiping about anything and everything with a pulse. You’re sorely tempted to grab the nearest pitcher of water off a table and pour it over their heads, but you suppress the urge and instead head over with a saccharine smile. “So lovely to see you, {Name},” Lottie says as you approach.

“I love your dress,” Sandra adds. “Very slimming.”

“Thanks,” you reply, putting on your brightest, fakest smile. “Yours is great too. How are you and your husband enjoying the party so far?”

Sandra’s face sours, and you hide your smirk in your champagne flute. Maybe it’s petty to bring up her rocky relationship, but you’ve been subject to snide comments from Sandra and her friends for years now and it’s become increasingly hard for you to bite your tongue. A few tables away, you spot Sandra’s husband, Rodney, take an enormous gulp of his whiskey and wince as it burns down his throat.

“We’re all having a wonderful time, aren’t we, ladies?” Lottie cuts in when Sandra takes too long to answer. “Hyejin’s date is over there with Rodney, and my boyfriend is fetching himself a drink. You remember Dev, don’t you?”

You nod, even though it’s a lie. “Sure. Say hi to him for me.”

Lottie’s lips curve up into a smile, her head tilting to the side, and you’re suddenly reminded of a snake rearing its head back for the kill. “So, what about you? Have you brought someone tonight, or—?”

“Hi ladies!” Kyunghee materializes at your side, her lips painted a festive red shade to match her dress. She’s wearing the disingenuous smile that she reserves for the resident gossips of your office, and you try not to let your relief show on your face when Lottie’s attention refocuses on your manager.

“So good to see you, Kyunghee,” she simpers. “Have you been here long?”

“Not as long as you,” your manager replies, nodding at the near-empty wineglass in her hand. “I see we’re already making a dent in the wine supply, and you’re falling behind, {Name}. Why don’t we go remedy that, hmm?”

She doesn’t give you a chance to respond, grabbing your arm and leading you away. Kyunghee is surprisingly spry for a woman her age, and you follow after her with some difficulty as she marches through the throngs of conversing people, all the way to the line at the open bar.

“I’d like you to meet someone,” she says, gesturing at the man standing at the end of the line with his back to you. “{Name}, this is my son, Hoseok.”

The man turns around at the sound of his name, a warm, affable smile stretched across his face. “Hi, I’m H—” he begins, but he’s cut off by your sharp intake of breath. His eyes go wide, his smile fading as his mouth falls open, and you’re certain you’re wearing an even more dumbfounded expression. “It’s you,” he says, his voice hoarse.

“Wh-what… how…” You trail off, speechless. The words flounder and die in your throat as your brain struggles to process this development, and you practically feel the way the gears in your head churn to a stuttering halt.

Because this man standing before you, the one that Kyunghee has just introduced as her son, is none other than Jay. He looks completely and utterly devastating in a navy waistcoat and matching slacks, a green tie shaped like a Christmas tree knotted loosely around the white collar of his shirt. His dark hair is parted, his undercut exposed, and you can’t tear your gaze away from the loose strand that has fallen across his forehead.

“H-hi.”

Jay—Hoseok—swallows. “Hi.”

Kyunghee glances between the two of you, her brows furrowing. “I take it you two already know each other?”

Hoseok’s ears begin taking on a scarlet tinge, the color spreading to his cheeks as he struggles to find his vocabulary again. “I—yeah. Yeah, we’ve met.”

“Right. Do I even want to know how?” she asks dubiously, before shaking her head and huffing out a sigh. “No, forget I asked. I don’t want to know. I’ll just leave you two to… catch up.”

Waving goodbye, Kyunghee disappears back into the crowd of partygoers milling around. Hoseok turns back to you, sucking in a deep breath, and you fight the urge to stare down at your toes as his gaze roves across your face.

“I can’t believe this,” he says, breaking the silence that’s fallen between you at last. “My mom’s been talking about you for months, but I never imagined that it’d be you.”

“You’re telling me,” you reply, finally having recovered your voice. “Kyunghee brings you up all the time, but I never thought… I mean, we didn’t even know each other’s names, and now…” You shrug. “Here we both are.”

“It’s a pretty crazy coincidence, huh?”

“Definitely.”

A beat passes, and then two. You’re fully aware that you’re staring, but you don’t dare blink, afraid that he’ll disappear if you close your eyes. Of all the things that you thought might happen tonight, this particular meeting wasn’t even close to making the list. Never would you have thought that the man you only knew as Jay would turn out to be Kyunghee’s son. Never would you have connected Jay to the photographed little boy in yellow suspenders on Kyunghee’s desk, or realized that they were one and the same.

From behind you, someone loudly clears their throat. Another voice calls for you to get a move on, already, and both you and Hoseok belatedly realize that you are still standing in line for the open bar. Hoseok’s eyes go wide again, and you nearly tread on his toes when you both try to move forward. “After you,” he says with a chuckle, gesturing for you to go in front of him, and that’s enough to break the tension. You step ahead of him with a laugh, catching up to the line, and Hoseok doesn’t stray far as he follows your lead.

“So, what are you drinking?” he asks, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. “Vodka soda with a twist?”

“Actually, I think I’m going to stick with wine tonight,” you reply, peering at the bottles lined up on the counter. “What about you?”

“Hmm. Jack and coke, I think. Nothing else is really calling my name right now.”

Grabbing your drinks, the two of you begin searching for a place to sit. You spot Kyunghee at a table near the front, and she smiles knowingly and offers you a thumbs-up when she catches your eye. Eventually, you settle on a table near the Christmas tree, the lights glimmering off the glasses and reflecting off your knife as you pick it up to butter a slice of crusty bread from the basket in the center. Hoseok follows your lead, grabbing a piece for himself, and the two of you munch in silence for a few seconds before Hoseok breaks it.

“You know, my mom says you’re the perfect girl for me” he says with a dry little chuckle. “Think she’s right?”

“I don’t know,” you answer. “It’s funny, though—Kyunghee’s been telling me the same thing. She sings your praises all the time.”

Hoseok laughs and scratches the back of his neck. “Oh, jeez, that’s kind of embarrassing. I’m glad she’s saying good things, at least.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” you tell him, grinning. “She’s only shown us one photo album from your childhood.”

His face crumples. “Was it the Disneyland one?”

You nod, fighting back laughter, and watch as Hoseok groans and lets his forehead meet the linen-covered tabletop with a dull thunk.

“I don’t like rollercoasters,” he mumbles into the tablecloth, his voice muffled by the material. “They make me queasy.”

“Even now?” you ask, and he nods.

“Yep.”

The clinking of a fork against a wineglass—amplified and broadcast through an array of invisible speakers built into the restaurant’s walls—interrupts any further conversation. You twist in your seat to watch your company’s leadership give their opening remarks, listening as they congratulate everyone for a great year and wish you a happy holiday season. The servers begin going out with plates of food, and you thank them as they set yours down. Hoseok does the same before raising his glass in your direction, clearing his throat and offering you a crooked little smile.

“Here’s to second meetings.”

“Third, if you count the store earlier,” you correct, and he chuckles and nods in agreement before clinking his drink against yours.

You spend the entirety of dinner chatting with Hoseok, getting to know him beyond the few facts Kyunghee has mentioned and what little you’ve gleaned from texting him the last two months. He tells you all about his dance studio, Hope World, where he teaches both contemporary dance and the occasional Pilates class. You find out that in addition to rollercoasters, he also dislikes sour foods and raisins, but he loves mint chocolate and sweet and sour pork. He also has a very low tolerance for alcohol—something he tells you as he tilts the rest of his drink into his mouth. “Should I be worried?” you ask as he sets his glass back down, and he chuckles and shakes his head, sending the loose tendril of hair flopping across his forehead.

Dessert is served, and subsequently eaten. The music is turned up, and people slowly begin finding their way to the open space that serves as an impromptu dancefloor. Hoseok rises to his feet and extends a hand toward you, and you only hesitate for the briefest of seconds before accepting it. He leads you out amongst the other swaying couples, his hand finding its way to the curve of your waist, and you rest your hand on his shoulder as he begins guiding you in a slow, simple waltz.

“So?” Hoseok’s voice is a low murmur, soft and gentle against the shell of your ear. “What’s the verdict?”

You blink. “The verdict?”

Even without looking, you can tell that he’s smiling. You can hear it in the lilt of his voice, and imagine it in the curve of his lips. “About me,” he clarifies, carefully pulling back so you can spin in a circle beneath his outstretched arm. “About us. My mom will never let me hear the end of it if she turns out to be right, but I still wanna know. So what are you thinking?”

“Are you asking if I think we’re perfect for each other?” you ask, giggling. “I don’t know if I believe in all that, to be quite honest. Destiny and soulmates—I mean, doesn’t it seem a little too good to be true?”

Hoseok hums. “Maybe. But considering all that’s happened to us in the last couple of months, don’t you think there’s a chance that it's all more than simple coincidence?”

“Maybe,” you concede. “Still, I don’t know if I can give you a verdict just yet. We haven’t even gone on a date.”

“We did do things a little backwards,” Hoseok admits, tugging you close and winding his arm around your waist. “Let me make it up to you, then. Are you free tomorrow?”

“What if I am?” you challenge.

“Then, I’d like to take you out for breakfast,” he replies without missing a beat.

The prospect of a proper meal with Hoseok Jung does something funny to your insides. Still, something makes you hesitate, and you avert your gaze as you search for your next words. “I wasn’t expecting to end tonight with a date,” you admit slowly. “I honestly didn’t even think you were interested in… well, anything beyond sex, to be honest.”

Hoseok’s face creases into a frown, and you look up again when he murmurs your name. “I understand why you would think that,” he says. “Really, I do. But honestly? I had every intention of texting you and asking you out properly. I was going to play it cool and wait a few days, which was stupid in retrospect. And then you texted me first.”

“I texted y—” You trail off. “Oh, god.”

“It seemed like you’d been drinking,” Hoseok says with a shrug, and you press a finger to his lips before he can say anything more. You remember the night in question, and you remember the bottle of wine you’d consumed. And you definitely remember the photographs you’d sent of yourself, and the ones Hoseok had been kind enough to send in return.

“Wait, so you were going to ask me out? And then I… I sexted you?”

Hoseok nods, and you groan and bury your face into his chest.

“I can’t believe this,” you mutter, and you feel laughter rumble through his chest before a hand comes up to stroke along your back.

“Believe me, I’m not complaining,” he assures you. “But I’d still really like to take you out, so what do you say?”

His gaze doesn’t leave yours for a second as he awaits your answer, and your heart skips a beat when you look up to see the earnestness in his eyes and the hesitant smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “Breakfast sounds wonderful,” you whisper, and the smile that blossoms on your companion’s face is nothing short of radiant.

“Good,” he says. “Great. Breakfast tomorrow, then. Now, can I kiss you?”

You’re already pushing up to your tiptoes, your fingers fisting in the soft hair at his nape. “God, yes.”

///

“Hey, you made it!”

You beam. “Hi.”

You and Hoseok are about to commence your first date, having just sat down at a cozy little café for breakfast. Hoseok has pulled your chair out in true gentlemanly fashion, and you can’t help but smile over your menu at the few lingering snowflakes that have yet to melt into his dark hair.

“So, here we are,” you remark. “Our fourth meeting.”

Hoseok’s lips stretch into his signature grin, breathtakingly bright and infectious. “And hopefully many more.”

You grin at him. “Yeah? Too bad this is breakfast, because I’d drink to that.”

He leans forward, his grin widening. “Next time,” he says as his hand finds its way around yours, his fingers slotting comfortably into the spaces between your own. “We can do dinner, maybe. Or I can cook for you. But for now, I’m just happy that we’re finally doing this.”

You give his hand a soft squeeze. “Me too.”

“Just promise me one thing?”

The sudden seriousness of his tone has your brow furrowing in concern. “Sure, of course,” you reassure. “What is it?”

He winces. “Please don’t tell my mom about all the dick pics.”

#hoseok #hoseok smut #hoseok x reader #bts smut #bts scenarios #hoseok scenarios #jhope #jung hoseok #bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fic #kpop scenarios #hoseok x you #strangers to lovers!au #strangers to lovers #lia writes #gonna change that stupid summary if i can think of anything better LOL #my brain went all mushy on me idk what's happening

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taestefully-in-luv · 3 years

Text

Always You | JJK (Five)

Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader, slight Taehyung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama

Word Count: 12.1k

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (?) sad oc, mentions of sex, kind of over the clothes action, drama, heated dance session lol, slight memory of sex, hair pulling, back scratching, mention of boner, second chances (?)

Notes: Okay, first of all THAT 1st TEASER PIC!!! DID WE SEE THAT? *chefs kiss*. Anyway thanks for comments you guys leave I really love reading them!!! Remember to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:) have a great week everyone!

Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch

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May

Gloomy: The dictionary may describe it as hopeless and despairing but really it should just be a picture of your sad, sad face.

1 month…yes, one whole month has passed since you last spoke to Jungkook. No text, no calls, no random show ups, nothing. Gloom. Gloom. Gloom. Graduation came and gone so quickly…you walked the stage with your friends minus two but honestly you can hardly remember the event. You tried your hardest to be as excited as everyone else but the feeling of gloom stayed with you.

By the end of the month you finally started accepting he isn’t coming back and right around that time you actually heard from him—Jungkook that is. He sent you a pathetic text that he’s moving out and will be by to retrieve his things. More gloom.

The next couple weeks after that are a blur, you recall the sound of movers throughout your apartment. You didn’t have the courage to speak to him…you didn’t have the courage to even leave your room if you didn’t have to. You were so wrapped up in everything you didn’t even consider that fact that you will have to find a new roommate to cover the other half of the rent.

Every day just dragged on, every day a repeat of the last. Wake up, drown in black coffee, scroll mindlessly through your phone and work your full time job. You called in sick too many days already so you have to go or you’re at risk at getting fired. The same day, every day. The same gloomy fucking day.

Jimin tried to call or text every day to make sure you were like, alive. He apologized over and over for not telling you as soon as he found out about the Taehyung situation but he felt that if Taehyung was going to tell you then it is best it comes from him and not Jimin. You can understand that. He also frequently would show up at your apartment to surprise you but you rarely let him in. You did feel bad though, he’s just trying to be there for you.

Jimin 6:04pm

Please let me in?

Jimin 6:05pm

Well…I have some take out for you babe, ill leave it on the doorstep.

Jimin 6:05pm

Call me sometime ok? Love you

Guilt would consume your body but you just couldn’t deal with human contact right now.

June

Around month 2 you finally felt okay to see people again—your close people that is—aka Jimin was finally allowed in, he made you take a hot bath while he cleaned up for you and made you a proper meal. The amount of instant ramen containers lying around the place was by far one of the grossest things he’s seen. The shit that was growing…he shudders just thinking about it.

He would come over every day after work in the evenings. He left day time babysitting to Trina.

“Girl…all this over a boy?” she would constantly say.

You also tried applying for job after job, but the postgraduation life is harder than you thought…at least for you. Jimin landed a job as a kids choreographer, Trina starts up at one of the local elementary schools as a kindergartner teacher and you? You’re still working at the bakery down the street. You applied for many entry level positions in the marketing field but failed miserably in interviews…which only further discouraged you and worsened your mood.

It was also around this time you decided to finally delete Jungkook off all social media and block his number. You refuse to hear from him at this point…not that he was reaching out or anything. You wonder what he’s up to postgraduation? No, you don’t want to know or care. You considered hanging up a picture of his face on your wall so you could throw darts at it but you decided that was maybe on the crazy side. Taehyung sends you weekly texts, asking about how your day/week is going. He updates you on his life as well, apparently he got the curator assistant position at the museum that he wanted. You still feel hurt over everything but you are happy for him. It’s funny, you feel so betrayed over that but Jungkook is the cause of your gloom.

Every day just drags on, you feel heavy everywhere you go. Even when you’re just at home in bed.

By the end of the month your friends somehow convinced you to go on a date—a horrible date at that.

He was awkward as hell, a bad kisser and would lightly…tap your ass in attempt to be sexy. It was a disaster, you don’t even remember what the two of you even talked about at dinner. You just remember his tongue being horribly shoved down your throat and his weird ass tapping habit.

July

Then month 3 finally came around. A month where the weeks went by breathing became just a bit easier. Yes, any and everything still reminded you of Jungkook but it didn’t hurt as terribly as the previous months. By the end of the month you even agreed to your first real social outing. You are hesitant, but you agreed…

“I don’t know guys…a birthday party? We like, don’t even know the girl?” you frown, nibbling on the flesh of your bottom lip.

You are sitting in the middle of your bedroom floor, clothes piling all around you as you try to decide on what to wear.

“You need to get out babe…plus it’s a friend of a friend, so it’s cool.” Jimin says holding up a rose colored crop top, motioning for you to nod yes or no to his suggestion. You cock your head to the side, deciding what pants to go with it.

“I have to say I agree with Jimin, y/n.” your new roommate Holly chips in, “Since I’ve moved in I don’t think I’ve seen you go out even once.”

“Also a party is the best place to find some easy dick.” Of course that’s what Trina has to offer.

“Yes to the crop top Jimin.” You point your head towards the shirt, “Okay don’t have to call me out like that Holly.” You glare at your roomie, “And Trina, we both know I ain’t ready for no type of dick.”

“So we’re looking for some pussy tonight?” Trina smirks, “Nice.”

You rolls your eyes, a chuckle escaping your lips, “Shut up.” you throw a pair of shorts at her face.

“But seriously y/n…Maybe Trina is on to something…” Jimin sits down next to you, crossing his legs in front of him, “Maybe this is a good chance to like—”

“If you say move on I will literally kill you.” You cut in, “There’s nothing to move on from!” you throw your hands up dramatically. “Taehyung used me, Jungkook wants nothing to do with me. And—”

“Then why aren’t you ready for any type of dick?” Holly puts in her 2 fucking cents.

“Because I don’t want to be associated with any boys! Jimin is the exception.”

“Somehow I don’t feel flattered by that…” Jimin puts a hand on your shoulder.

“When’s the last time you got off?” Trina abruptly asks. You turn your head in shock at her shamelessness.

“Trina!”

“Answer her, I’m curious too.” Jimin squints at you trying not to laugh.

“It’s…” your eyes slide to the side, “It’s been a while.”

Trina shakes her in disapproval, “Damn girl, really? My fingers constantly playing DJ, you know what I’m sayin?” Trina goes in for a fist bump but you just push her hand away.

“You’re gross.” You laugh out loud, and it sounds like music to everyone’s ears.

“I’m just real babey.�� She flicks her hair back with a proud smile on her face.

Having these 3 around has no doubt helped you deal with the loss you feel. You feel like you are still mourning the dead. How’s Jungkook even doing? You’re too afraid to ask Jimin. Too afraid that he’s doing amazing without you. He must of realized how much better off he is without you around and that makes you feel small.

“Fine…” you mutter under your breath…Jimin snaps his head to look at you, his sly smile growing as he watches you fiddle with a short mini skirt.

“Fine what?” Trina asks with a smirk.

“Let’s find me some dick tonight.”

“Hell fucking yeah.” Jimin claps his hands together, “Tonight is about you!”

“y/n makes her debut tonight! She’s hot, she’s single and she is ready to mingle!”

You can’t help but giggle, your hands bunching up the material of the mini skirt as you look down at it, making your decision.

“Let me get ready and we can get this night started!” you rush to your feet, all the sudden feeling excited for tonight. You are going to actually do your hair and your makeup—you even shaved. You are definitely breathing easier tonight and you have to take advantage of that!

“Let’s do shots as we wait girlies,” Holly shows a bottle of rum she had hiding behind her back, shaking it in excitement.

“Naughty girl.” Jimin winks, standing to his feet, heading towards the kitchen to grab some shot glasses.

You get ready quickly, but taking your time where it counts. You give yourself a once over in the mirror and you have to say you are impressed. Your black jean mini skirt sits right below your ass, while your tits pop in this rose crop top. You wear short heels, and simple jewelry with just the right amount of makeup that makes your features stand out, and you have to say you would kiss yourself if you could—you look fucking good.

“woooooo” Jimin and Trina whistle out at the same time as they walk back in your bedroom.

“I’d fuck.” Jimin says plainly.

“Same as fuck.” Trina says bluntly as she swallows down a shot.

“Yeah you look pretty y/n!” Holly smiles, not really on the same level of honestly as your other two friends.

You burst into giggles, throwing your head back in approval. “Thanks guys…..Lets fucking do this.” You walk towards Trina and grab her shot glass, and you take the bottle from Holly, pouring yourself a shot.

“Ready to fucking mingle.” You gulp down the rum, the burn only encouraging you, the warmth stinging your entire chest and you couldn’t feel more content.

This house was one of the bigger ones, it was full of people and more people and like, more people. You managed to swallow down 3 or 4 shots back at your apartment and the alcohol is definitely working its magic on you, the world just a little nicer.

The amount of people doesn’t even bother you like it usually would, instead you find yourself barging through the front door and making your way to the dance floor with your 3 friends trialing behind you.

The heat of the living room is already intoxicating you, the amount of bodies rolling and grinding makes you feel loose and free. Before you know it Jimin is pushing a drink into your hands and you hug him gratefully as you begin chugging it back.

“Woah slow down, we have all night—actually fuck it, I like your spirit tonight!” he chuckles lightly, his hands going to your waist, rocking you to the beat of the blaring music. Trina and Holly disappear into the kitchen to grab more drinks while you and Jimin dance to whatever b…t…ah, forget it, you forgot the band’s name.

“Are you having fun?” Jimin slurs out, his eyes barely visible as he laughs at nothing.

“So much fun!” you yell out over the music then you lean down into his ear and whisper, “Thanks so much Jiminie…I know I was a little difficult…”

“A little?” he teases.

Jimin’s eyes travel behind you before they are widening. You notice, of course. You are about to turn your head to take a look at whatever he is seeing when his snaps back to you in panic, his troubled smile growing.

“Let’s go find Trina and Holly, yeah?” he tries to usher you toward the kitchen and you oblige. Too drunk and feeling too good that his odd behavior goes ignored by you.

“Kay!” you smile, hooking your arm with his. “Letsa go!” you say like you’re fucking Mario.

The two of you walk to the kitchen, finding Trina and Holly playing a game of beer pong with two random guys.

“Hello my bitches!” Trina hollers over the thumping bass, as she scores a cup of pong, her other hand on Hollys lower back.

“Wait, gotta use the bathroom, be right back!” you slur into Jimin’s ear, he just nods distractedly as he watches the game, laughter erupting his body for probably no drunken reason.

You walk back into the living room and start heading towards the other side where the bathroom is. The journey to the bathroom is fun, you accidently bump into a lot of people but they don’t seem to mind as they will just drunkenly smile at you and you would smile back in your own drunken daze. You skim the room with a dopey smile on your face, just admiring the crowd. You are shocked with yourself…you missed people and you cannot believe it. You continue to observe when your eyes land on tattooed hands. The hands are grabbing a handful of ass on the dance floor. You know these hands. Your eyes travel from his hands to his strong arms to his face…it is hiding in the nook of some girls neck and you feel like someone knocked the wind out of you. Jungkook.

He is kissing on some girl, no doubt leaving bruises behind from his attack on her neck. His hands cupping this girls ass so tightly, he guides her hips into his. You watch as she throws her head back in pleasure and you see him smirk. All his signature moves. You are left speechless. What could you even say? Why does this hurt? Why does this make you feel fucking sick? Why does it feel like you aren’t supposed to be witnessing this? Well, you know why but god, why?!

“y/n!!” It’s Jimin, jogging up behind you, “Fuck, I was trying to avoid you seeing this…” he admit softly, “I swear I didn’t think he was going to be here tonight…he didn’t seem that interested when I asked him about it…”

“It’s fine Jimin…” you mumble.

“Does it feel weird? Seeing him with this girl…?” Jimin is obviously trying to get you to admit something right now but you are not in the right head space to even give it a second thought.

“Why should it? Plus I’m used to this…she’s just some random girl for one night.” You twirl the ends of your hair between your fingers.

“Oh babe…” Jimin glances down at the ground, “This girl…she…he’s brought her to every party for the last month…” Jimin sounds as sorry as you feel.

The same girl? That’s impossible, you scoff. There’s no way Jungkook is actually seeing someone. But that doesn’t stop your stomach from twisting and turning and making you feel fucking sick.

“What do you mean?” you finally slur out, leaning your frame on Jimin.

“He brings her and they leave together too…” Jimin holds on to you, “I haven’t really asked him about her though.”

“Whatever. Fuck him, right? I won’t let this ruin my night.” You smile coyly, draping your arms around your friend. “Bathroom please.” You pout theatrically, pointing your head towards the bathroom.

“Okay let’s get you peeing in peace.” Jimin laughs, guiding you towards the door.

Once at the door, you knock a couple times to find that it is empty, “I’ll wait for you out here.” Jimin assures you.

Once inside the small room, you bunch up your skirt and pull down your panties, squatting on the toilet. You sigh in relief as you pee, but the relief you feel in your body stops when you recall the way Jungkook held and kissed this random but not so random girl.

Why should it bother you? It’s about time Jungkook got serious! But why did he have to dump you to achieve that? And why did It have to be with someone el…

You reach for the toilet paper, ripping it after a few sheets and wipe yourself as you drunkenly sing a tune. So what? You can easily replace Jungkook too!

You stand up, pulling your panties up and your skirt down and take a long good look in the mirror. Your hair is still intact, your makeup is only a little smeared—quick fix, and your tits are still poppin’. This night is just beginning, you decide. A whole new wave of confidence begins washing over you.

“Ready!” You pounce on Jimin’s back, he stumbles forward while laughing wholeheartedly.

“Should we look for Trina and Holly again? They’re probably still playing beer pong!”

“Sure.” You smile, walking hand in hand with Jimin as you make your way back to the kitchen.

Hours pass and you are now outside on the back porch piss drunk with your 3 friends and a couple new friends. Nick and his pal that you can’t remember the name of—but you remember Nick. He’s really tall and has nice muscles covering his body, his light hair is messy and looks like you would have fun pulling it.

“And that’s why I think aliens are already here bro, like they are probably here at this fucking party bro.” No name friend finishes his point. Nick holds in his chuckle as his drunk friend rambles.

“Totally bro.” Then his eyes land on you. Fuck, were you staring? Oh well, it’s best to get to the point. You two have been making eyes at each other all night and it’s time to make the next move.

“Hey Nick, wanna grab a drink with me in the kitchen?” you inquire with a sly smile.

Jimin’s eyes widen before he’s smirking “Don’t be silly, wrap that willy.”

Trina and Holly laugh at Jimin’s words while you turn fucking red with embarrassment.

“Sorry about him…” You excuse Jimin, but you continue to smile slyly.

Nick grins with all his teeth as he takes your hand and leads you back inside the house. His hand is much larger than yours and you are already imagining what his beefy fingers will do to your vagina. God, what’s his dick like???

You enter the kitchen and you and him walk towards the cooler full of beers, he lets you stand to the side as he goes to grab them.

“Nick!!!!” you hear a familiar voice and you wince. Jungkook stands next to the cooler, his hand wrapped around the girls hand, but he briefly lets go of it to dap up your fuck for the night.

“What’s up bro!” Nick returns the handshake, a wide smile on his face.

They know each other?

“I thought you said you weren’t coming tonight?” Jungkook’s hand goes back to holding on to the girl.

“I wasn’t going to but,” he nods towards you, “Glad I did.” He winks. Jungkook’s eyes follow Nicks nod and when he sees you stand there awkwardly he goes completely pale. Your eyes meet uncomfortably, Jungkook let’s go of the girls hand without a second thought.

“y/n?” he questions with a pained expression.

“You know her?” Nick asks, totally out of the loop.

You shift from one foot to the other, not really sure what to do or say. So you settle for his name. “Jungkook.” It feels foreign on your tongue. Like if you said it 3 times in a mirror a sinister ghost would come to murder you.

Jungkook opens his mouth then closes it then opens it then closes it again.

“Baaaaabe,” the girl next to him whines, “let’s get out of here already.” She says, not even acknowledging your existence.

Jungkook shamelessly eyes you up and down, his shock is very evident as he looks at you.

You can’t help but smile a little, knowing you look damn good.

“Let’s go too, Nick.” You saunter to his side, grabbing a hold of his bicep.

That’s when Jungkook knocks out of daze, his brows crease as he looks between the two of you.

“Wait—you and Nick?” he asks, completely amused.

“Is that a problem?”

“Nope.” Jungkook looks fucking smug as he smiles, his hand going to grab the girls hand again. “See you later?” he asks you. You of all people! “Uh? Probably not?”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Jungkook winks, turning around to leave as he leads his girl out.

Nick just continues to smile, completely oblivious, “So cool that we all know each other!” he grips on to your waist.

“Wait, how do you know Jungkook?”

“We—”

“Wait, it honestly doesn’t matter. Let’s just get out of here.”

“My place?” Nick breathes into your ear, he pushes your hips into his crotch so you can feel his half hard cock.

“Why are you already getting hard?” you tease, leaning up to kiss his neck.

“Honestly, I can’t stop staring at your tits. And I am imagining all the things I want to do to them.” He confesses hotly.

The uber ride to his place is short, only 10 minutes and it goes by quickly as you two have one another’s tongues down each others throats. His hands traveling all around your body, he even manages to slip his fingers past your panties to feel how wet you are.

“Fuck I can’t wait to get you inside…” his rapid breaths fan across your face as you nibble on his neck.

“Gonna fuck me?” you whisper quietly, not trying to get heard by the Uber driver, but you could also hardly care if he hears you or not, he gets 5 stars.

“Want you to ride me.” He palms his cock through his pants as he imagines you bouncing on his cock for him.

“If you deserve it like a good boy.” You replace his hand with your own, rubbing him ferociously over his jeans. You haven’t felt dick in months and the feeling is driving you absolutely wild, you haven’t felt this needy in a long time.

The Uber comes to a stop, parking in front of an apartment building. He lets the two of you know you reached your destination. You and Nick giggle as you thank him and stumble out of the car as you follow him to his apartment. He would stop every few seconds to plant kisses on your lips and grab your ass with a tight squeeze. He groans and rolls his eyes back as he explores your body.

“Wait til we’re inside,” you breathe out, your voice silky as hell.

Finally, after a short, kiss filled elevator ride later you arrive at his front door. His lips never leaving yours as he pulls out his keys, fumbling with them until he finds the right one.

He pulls away for a second to unlock the door and desperately pushes it open to let the two of you inside. Your lips are already back on his as you two trip into the entry way of the apartment, you walk him backwards, until his back is against a wall.

The apartment is dark besides the living room TV, you take a second to pull back and admire Nick’s fucked out expression, the blue glow of the TV making everything feel surreal.

You dive back in to kiss him, he prods his tongue into your mouth, swirling it around with yours making you moan into his mouth.

“Hi guys!”

Your eyes shoot open, mouth still attached to Nicks. You push your head back, disconnecting from Nick and yank your head to the left where you see a wild Jungkook sitting on the living room sofa, his mouth full of the cereal he is eating. He is wearing the most shit eating grin you have ever seen on him.

“Jungkook?! What the fuck?” You spit out, totally fucking shocked. Like, obviously.

“Hey man…” Nick breathes out heavily, trying to speak properly, “I thought you would be at Vanessa’s tonight?”

“Nah,” Jungkook smiles, “Dropped her off and came home.”

HOME?

“H-Home?” You look between the two guys, what the fuck does he mean by that. This is Nicks place, right?

“Oh you didn’t know?” Jungkook nods his head toward Nick, “Nick here is my beloved roommate.”

“What the fuck…” you mutter under your breath, trying to understand the mother fucking situation. Were you about to fuck Jungkook’s roommate? Are you still going to is the real question?

“Wait, how do you two even know each other?” Nick starts to look antsy, “Don’t tell me she’s one of the girls you’ve fucked…come on bro, leave some for the rest of us.” He chuckles somewhat bitterly.

“No!” you’re quick to say. You begin smoothing out your skirt, then your hair. “We just…”

“y/n is my bestie!” Jungkook grins, putting the cereal down and standing up. He walks forward until he is making a triangle with you and Nick.

“Was.” You spit out harshly, crossing your arms across your chest. Nick just stands there confused as hell, looking between the two of you.

“Anyway, I should get going.” You turn your body to Nick, a look of apology on your face.

“What? We can just go to my room?” he slurs, tugging on his pants uncomfortably, his boner still apparent.

“Sorry, no longer in the mood.”

You pull out your phone to order an Uber when Jungkook takes your phone from you.

“I’m not drunk, I can drive you.” He offers. You push your head back in disbelief, how does Jungkook have the AUDACITY to offer that to you?

“Why the fuck would I want that?”

“So we can…” His eyes slide over to the ever growing confused Nick, “Talk.”

You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in 3 months and today is finally the day you are able to breathe a little easier and he just has to barge back in.

“Like I said,” You snatch your phone back from him, “Why the fuck would I want that?”

Nick shifts around uncomfortably, his eyes darting from you to Jungkook.

“Well, I am gonna head to my room…uh, bye y/n…it was nice meeting you…I guess…”

You and Jungkook both turn your heads toward Nick at the same time, eyes shooting daggers at him.

“Yeah, bye.” Jungkook dismisses his roommate, his jaw clenching.

“Nice to meet you too…”

Nick walks backward until his back meets his bedroom room, he looks at the two of you one last time before turning around to disappear into his room.

“I said, let me drive you home.”

“And I said, why the fuck would I want that?”

“y/n don’t choose now to be difficult.” Jungkook takes a step closer to you, his hands running through his dark, messy hair. His eyes shut in frustration, “I just want to talk to you.”

“And I don’t want to talk to you.” You take a step back, “Plus, how would your girlfriend feel if you took me home?”

Jungkook’s eyes narrow, his mouth setting in a firm line.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could of fooled me and like, everyone else.” You scoff.

Jungkook bites down on his bottom lip, not knowing what to say. While she’s not his girlfriend she’s also not not his girlfriend. It’s complicated.

“Can I please, just please, can I take you home?”

“No, Jungkook. The fucking audacity,” you scoff again, “You haven’t spoken to me in 3 months,” your voice fucking cracks and you feel like dying. “Don’t start now.”

“y/n…” he runs another frustrated hand down his tired face, “I didn’t mean for it to go this long…” “I don’t fucking care, Jungkook.”

You feel your chest begin to burn, and your eyes begin to gloss over but you won’t cry. You won’t give him the satisfaction.

“I want nothing to do with you.”

You stare at the phone in your hands as you begin ordering your Uber when he yanks it from your hands once again, he hides the phone in his back pocket and you snarl.

“What the hell Jeon?”

“I said I am driving you home so we can talk so that’s what we are gonna fucking do, okay?” he grabs your hand and begins walking you towards the front door. There’s something about Jungkook...you decide to listen. You watch silently as he puts on his shoes and grabs his wallet and keys.

“Okay…” you finally answer, your voice timid.

He said you guys are going to talk but the car ride has been mostly silent save the low radio playing in the background. Maybe it’s better this way, you think. You aren’t sober, that’s for sure but you also don’t think you are drunk enough to handle this properly. You decide maybe that’s also for the best.

“You sir, are a fucking asshole.” You speak up, your fingers playing with the zipper of your purse. The car smells like it always does, his fresh laundry car freshener and you get sucked into a million memories linked with this scent.

“I know.” Jungkook eyes you from the driver seat, you shiver from the running AC and so he turns it down, “There’s a blanket in the back if you want to grab it.”

“No thanks, don’t know where that’s been.”

“It’s clean, I promise.”

Your eyes go wide as you recall his last promise to you…”Just a few days. I promise.”

“Yeah, I don’t actually believe in your promises anymore.” You continue to pick at the zipper of your purse, your eyes never leaving the zig and zag of the material.

“I needed space y/n, fucking sue me.” He groans out, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Oh I wish I could.” You snap back.

You feel your chest burn and tighten again, your eyes slightly watering. You have to force them shut to keep from any tears growing.

“I called and texted you every day.” You whisper, his grip getting tighter on the steering wheel.

“I gave you a few days Jungkook. But I never heard from you until 11 at night one night telling me you are fucking moving out.”

“I know, that was…fucked up, I admit. But I had to do what I had to do and I just wish you would let me explain that—”

“No.” you cut him off, “You don’t deserve to explain anything.”

“You mean so much to me y/n…”

“Don’t.”

Jungkook pulls over on the side of the road, turning off the ignition.

“What are you doing?” you sputter out.

He clicks his seatbelt off his body and turns to face you, “Getting comfortable.”

“Why?”

“Will you look at me?” Jungkook tilts his head towards you, “Will you please look at me?”

“No.” you stay facing forward, your hands folded in your lap.

“y/n…please.” His voice sounds strained and you almost feel bad. Almost, but not quite.

You don’t need this…you don’t need him. Ouch, you feel pain in your chest as you think that…oh, the lies you tell yourself.

“Say what you need to say Jungkook, so you can take me home.” Your face stays neutral.

Jungkook sighs out, feeling almost defeated, but not quite.

“I…I am so sorry.” He finally says.

“About what?”

“Everything y/n.” his voice cracks and somehow you feel satisfied.

“You’ll have to be more specific if you ever want my acceptance”

“I know…the first thing I am sorry for is not telling you about Taehyung. That was…that was wrong of me—”

“No shit, but go on.” Your voice stays steady as you speak.

“I was worried about other shit, I was selfish and it’s taking me a long time to forgive myself…but I’ve thought a lot about it these last few months and—and…”

“Oh? You’re worried about you forgiving yourself? Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned about I don’t know, me?”

Jungkook frowns at your words, because well, you’re right. And he’s getting to that part but you keep interrupting him. But he lets you.

“Yes. I am most worried about you, of course.” He breathes out. “You have no idea what these 3 months without you have felt like…”

“Really Jungkook? If anyone knows its fucking me. I went 3 months without you too. You left me!” you start to lose your composure as you speak, your hands gripping on to your poor purse. “When I was going through a really hard time you straight up left me.” You whisper.

“Please believe me…I had my reasons. It was truly for the best y/n.”

“For the best?” you scoff. “You’re such an asshole.”

Jungkook winces at your words, he knows you mean them and that hurts him even more.

“Can you just trust me?” Jungkook blurts out.

Huh? You shake your head, disappointed he would say something so …well, ridiculous.

“Just stop, Jungkook.” You hesitantly roll your eyes, still shaking your head.

Jungkook licks his lips over and over, trying to figure out his next words.

“I really really,” he begins to lose it, his eyes darting all around the car. “just need you to trust me.” He blinks repeatedly, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular.

You, of course, do not believe your ears. Trust him? How could you possibly trust him?

“I just really…I really had my reasons y/n. And I’m sorry, but I just need you to just trust me, that I had my reasons and that I do care about you.” His voice is shaky and you’re uncertain how to take this information.

“I’m confused…” you begin, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “You want me to trust you? Even after you left me? Even after I ‘threw myself’ at you?!”

“You weren’t in the right head space y/n…you were vulnerable and…and you didn’t actually want me. You just were feeling used and rejected and needed something to make you feel wanted. To feel better. You wanted to use me for that and I couldn’t let you. But how much could I handle? You liked one of my friends, dated him…sort of, even slept with him and I had to be your shoulder to cry on when,” his breathing picks up heavily as he tries to speak, “it doesn’t matter.” He grits out.

You sit there…speechless. He wasn’t wrong, was he? You were feeling lost and rejected and used and you just wanted something or someone to feel better and who better than your best friend? But it’s also his fault you needed things to work out with Taehyung in the first place!

“Jungkook—”

“I’m not done.” He breathes out, his hot breath reaching your skin.

“I needed some space to think. But I realized I couldn’t properly think things through if I saw you every day, so yeah, I moved out. I’m sorry…” He runs a hand through his hair, a light chuckle makes it way past his lips “Then I met Vanessa.”

“I don’t want to talk about your little girlfriend.” You turn to face forward in your seat, your eyes glancing at the stop sign ahead.

“I told you, she’s not my girlfriend. But it is complicated.”

You continue to look straight ahead, your heart racing in your chest. The subject of “Vanessa” making you feel anxious.

“Complicated how?” you gulp.

“Don’t worry about it.” He laughs to himself, you turn your head to look at him.

“Are you serious, Jungkook?”

“We fuck y/n.”

“But it’s more than that right?”

“Yeah…” Jungkook bites down on his lip.

You look at him bewildered.

“Do you like her? Love her?”

You grip your purse in your lap, waiting for his answer. How would you feel if he answers yes? Are you brave enough to endure that answer? And if he says no? should you be happy? Should you feel relieved?

“No.” he closes his eyes, he folds his hands in front of him. “It’s complicated.”

You sign in relief—oh. Relief is the emotion you are feeling. Why? Why should it matter?

“Why are you telling me all of this?” you whisper.

“I want to be friends again, y/n.” he says softly, his eyes searching yours.

This is madness, how the hell could you save this friendship? Your face scrunches up and the first couple of tears slide down your cheeks, you shake your head as they continue to fall.

“You don’t know how this makes me feel…” you cry out. “I don’t even know how it makes me feel.”

You miss him, so fucking much and he’s right here offering himself to you. But you ‘re so hurt.

“y/n…I know I hurt you. But you gotta believe me when I say it is the hardest thing I have had to do…you understand that right? I had to do it…you understand right?” he begs.

“You were so quick to abandon me, Jungkook.” You drop your head into your hands, the tears uncontrollable now.

“I…” Jungkook begins to panic, his own eyes glossing over. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. Please y/n…I can make it up to you.”

“Things would never be the same, you get that right?” you bawl into your lap, your words coming out broken.

“Please baby, I just need you in my life again…” Jungkook admits, his own words choppy. He reaches his hand to touch you, to his surprise you don’t flinch. His hand cups the back of your head and he begins to massage it softly.

“I have missed you so much and nothing I mean nothing can replace you.” He hesitates to continue, “trust me…I have tried.”

You sob into your hands harder, the weight of his words crushing you.

“I’m sorry Jungkook but I…I don’t believe you.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as he absorbs your words, his mouth falls open in shock. Don’t believe him?

“What—what do you mean? What are you saying?” his panic filled voice makes your stomach churn.

“I reject your offer. Now please take me home.” You lift your head and stare straight ahead. “I’m serious.”

Jungkook face twists into a bewildered expression, he doesn’t believe his ears. You…reject him?

“Wait—”

“I said take me home now.” This time you snap your face in his direction, the cold look in your eyes piercing his very soul.

“Okay.”

Hopeless: the dictionary describes it as without hope ; despairing. But in reality, it’s just a picture of Jungkook’s poor, poor face.

Jungkook parks in his designated spot in the lot of his apartment complex, he reverses in because why the hell not. So extra. His drive home was silent… not even the radio on a low volume keeping him company, just complete silence. He turns the car off but doesn’t make a move to get out, he just continues to sit here in his car and sigh out dramatically every 5 seconds.

He’s so confused and lost on what to do. He bangs his head against the steering wheel a few times just for the hell of it, he just…he didn’t think you would reject him. But honestly? Can he blame you? All he’s done lately is be selfish and mess up over and over again. But he wishes you could just trust him but he also wishes he could just tell you the truth. Maybe then you could understand his position and you wouldn’t be mad at him anymore. But he has to wait.

Jungkook’s head is still banging against the steering wheel when more thoughts of you bombard his mind. His breathing picks up and he starts to sniffle, he doesn’t want to cry but you just…you don’t want anything to do with him. He balls his hands into fists and hit the steering wheel over and over causing the horn to go off a few times but he doesn’t care he’s so upset, he just….

When Jungkook saw you tonight for the first time in 3 months he swears his heart actually stopped. He swears it raced so quickly that it just stopped. He let go of Vanessa’s hand so quickly because he wanted to rush to you and hug you close, he wanted to just feel you. Not having touched your skin for the last 3 months…he doesn’t want to imagine even another day.

A few tears slip past his closed lids, he chuckles darkly as he recalls you and Nick. He thought, wow, the universe is cruel and also hilarious. His fucking roommate? He shakes his head, laughing again but his lips remain downward. He feels so fucking helpless right now. But he deserves this, he deserves to feel this pain. He did this to himself and he’s fully aware of that.

Jungkook thinks of your face, he thinks of your smile, he thinks of your eyes and he cries harder, his tears landing on the steering wheel and sliding down landing on to his lap. Yes, he feels like all hope is lost but he knows he cannot give up. He will win you over again one day. He lifts his head and wipes his tear streaked cheeks with the back of his hand and breathes out steadily.

“y/n…” he whispers to himself. Your name leaves his mouth in frustration. He won’t give up. He can’t.

~~~~

“And they were roommates?!” Jimin shouts, a banana half sticking out of his mouth, Trina gasps and whispers “Oh my god they were roommates.”

“Yeah, it was a total shit show.” You bang your head against your breakfast table. Holly rubs your back as she sits next to you.

“Then what happened?” she pries further.

“Yeah what the hell happened y/n!” Jimin yells out.

“He asked to be friends again…and I totally rejected him. Maybe I was too harsh? He was so sad guys…it makes me think…I might agree to kind of being…friends?”

Jimin shuts his eyes as a frown decorates his face, he places a hand on his hip and he inhales a sharp breath, “Listen…you’re both my friends and of course I want you to be good again…but he hurt you …bad.”

“I know Jiminie, but his reasons…” you bite your lip, “Never mind.”

“Well, I don’t like it.” Trina butts in. “He fucking left you, remember?”

“Yes Trina, I fucking remember—”

“Then fucking act like it!”

“Trina relax,” Holly intervenes. “They have a long history, right? It’s hard to just forget about everything…”

Jimin stands from his chair, hands on both hips. “Fine, if we are doing this…then you better actually try. Don’t half ass shit, if you’re going to be friends then don’t be an asshole to him, don’t make snarky remarks…I know your ass.”

Jimin has a good point, you haven’t actually thought about how you will act.

“I’ll be a good girl.” You raise your right arm to salute him.

“Fucking smart ass.” He rolls his eyes.

“Are we serious right now?” Trina shakes her head, “You moped around for 3 fucking months y/n. You cried every time you even thought of Jungkook…which was a fucking lot.” She points out, “Listen, you stayed strong when you talked to him in the car. Don’t break just because you feel bad for the dude because he’s fucking pitiful. He doesn’t deserve your pity girl. He’s an asshole!”

“Trina, be nice.” Holly says sternly, reaching forward to grab on to Trina’s hand. Trina visibly relaxes and nods her head towards Holly and smiles softly.

You and Jimin share a look. Are they….?

“You…” You slam your eyes shut, Trina’s words ringing loudly in your ears. You know she’s right. “I’ll think about it some more. For now, I gotta get ready for work.”

~~~~

“Doesn’t Hazel look so pretty here?” Adam shoves his phone in your face as he gushes about his girlfriend.

“Yes dude, she’s so pretty.” You deadpan. “Now can you please put the brownies in the oven? We’re low.”

“Wait wait…here’s one of us together at the park.” He nudges his phone in your hands, you roll your eyes but you take it.

The two of them are sitting on a park bench, she’s leaning into his frame and they both have wide smiles on their faces. They seem so in love. And you know they are because fucking Adam reminds you every 20 seconds.

“Their love makes me sick.” Jade walks over, her hands patting down on her work apron, her tone is bland but she still tries to smile. “Like, we get it.”

“Who loves who more?” you begin with a toothy grin, “Adam to Hazel or Lenny to the sugar cookies?” you laugh while pointing at said Lenny stuffing his face with the reject cookies. Jade and Adam chuckle while they stare at him.

“Hey guys, really?” Lenny says with his mouth full. “You know I feel bad when we throw them away.” He pouts, crumbs decorating his lips.

“Lenny I catch you eating fresh ones all the time!” Adam points out.

“Sometimes they’re a little ugly…” Lenny reasons, “So I…”

“You don’t have to explain my guy, you just really love your cookies.” You hand Adam back his phone as you head towards the walk in freezer to take out the brownies yourself. You load up a tray and stick those suckers in the oven.

“You’re useless Adam.” Jade sticks a piece of gum in her mouth and chews obnoxiously “U-s-e-l-e-s-s. Useless.”

“You’re always so mean to me Jade what did I ever do to you?”

All 4 of you shoot your heads up when you hear the bell go off on the door of the bakery, its loud chime signaling the arrival of a customer.

“Oh.” Jade says while popping a bubble. “It’s your usual customer y/n.”

You tilt your head towards the front of the store to get a look at who she is talking about, and yup its him. Your most consistent customer who orders the same damn thing every single day. 2 oatmeal raisin cookies and that’s it.

“Can someone else just take care of him today?” you whine, “I’m not in the mood to argue.”

“You know he’s just going to ask for you…” Lenny says stuffing his face with another cookie.

“God damn it.” You huff out, you grab two gloves from the box on the counter and begin walking towards the front of the store.

You reach the front counter and take in your enemy—you mean, your customer.

“And what do I owe the pleasure Mister Oatmeal Raisin?” you raise a brow towards the man. He’s only a few inches taller than you, his hair is a sandy color today and you hate to admit it looks good on him.

“You know you could just call me by name.” the man sways side to side with a smirk on his face.

“I like Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He has been coming to this store for the last couple of months and you two…don’t necessarily get along swimmingly. He complains a lot and is a total smart ass. And you? Well, you’re not much better.

“Well, I’ll have my usual.” He smiles, “And you know the drill, please make sure there is a normal amount of raisins and not a million, I don’t want 8 raisins a bite. But one every now and then.”

You roll your eyes extremely dramatically, pressing the buttons on the screen for his order.

“Sir yes sir.” You salute towards him, “How could I not know the drill?”

“That’s the spirit.”

You spin on your heels and head towards the back to heat up his two cookies. You carefully select one cookie with barely any raisins and one cookie with a million, just like he didn’t want. You cackle to yourself as you place them in the baggy, feeling beyond satisfied.

“How haven’t you gotten fired?” Adam crosses his arms over his chest as he watches you, “And how hasn’t he complained about you? You do this every time I don’t get it.”

“He likes her.” Jade says plainly while scrolling through her phone.

“As fucking if!” you scoff, “He wants nothing but to annoy me!” But you can’t help but smile.

“He literally only asks for you every time you’re in.” Lenny reasons, “but you shouldn’t like him back…he likes the worst cookie on the menu. Sugar is where it’s at.”

You laugh at your coworker while walking back up towards the front of the store, reaching the counter.

“Your cookies!” you hand him the baggy with an evil smirk, “I hope you enjoy them.” You wink.

The man opens the baggy and inspects each cookie and with his own evil smirk he winks back at you, “Are we serious right now?” his sly smile doesn’t leave his face as he begins to complain, “You are such a brat.”

“$4 Mister Oatmeal Raisin.”

He hands you the cash, you put it away quickly and with a wide smile you gesture towards the door for him to leave.

“Min Yoongi.” He shakes the bag of cookies in front of him, “Not Mister Oatmeal Raisin.” He turns around and starts walking towards the door but before he exits he tilts his head to look at you one last time, “See you tomorrow…y/n.”

You feel a harsh blush creep up on your cheeks, or your whole face actually. Maybe your whole body. You feel taken aback he knows your name but then you remember you have a god damn name tag.

“Uh…yeah.”

“See you tomorrow…y/n.” all 3 of your coworkers mock in a deep voice.

“Shut up guys!” you whine into your hands, “Can we please just get back to work!”

~~~~~

A few weeks later

The drive to Jimin’s is a quick 7 minutes but you did take a little detour. You decided to stop at the pizzeria that’s on the way and grab a hot pizza for the two of you.

“Hehe.” You look over to the steamy food sitting in the passenger seat.

Jimin has been such a great friend to you all this time and you feel like you’ve never really thanked him…so, tonight you two are going to have a fun night in—he just doesn’t know it yet.

Who doesn’t love being surprised with food?

You pull up to Jimin’s apartment complex and after driving in circles you finally find a parking spot. You grab your purse, your backpack, and the pizza and make your way up to his apartment.

You knock on his front door a few times but get no answer. Maybe he’s not home? No, you definitely hear music coming from the other side…so, you decide to call him.

“Hello?”

“Jimin~ let me in!” you sing into the phone.

“You’re—you’re here?”

“Let me in already!” and with that you hang up and wait patiently outside the door.

A few moments pass before the door is opening up, when Jimin really registers that it’s you he’s kind of closing the door until only his face is shown through the crack.

“Ummm…yes?”

You quirk a brow at the boy, “What do you mean ‘yes?’ let me in!” you begin walking forward when a panicked Jimin opens the door wider to let himself outside and shut the door behind him.

“y/n…why are you here? Did we have plans tonight?” he looks down at the pizza in your hands.

“Not exactly…” you admit, “But I figured we could have a night in.”

Jimin frowns. Fucking frowns!

“Or not?” you say awkwardly.

You hear some sort of banging on the other side of the door and then it clicks.

“Oh? You have someone over?” you smirk.

“Uhhh…no. Nothing like that.” Jimin’s eyes slide to the side as he tries to think of what to say next.

“Babe—”

“Jimin!”

The door is being swung wide open and your eyes travel from some horrendous toes socks to some tight jeans to a striped t shirt to yes, Jungkook’s surprised face.

“Oh.” You both say at the same time.

You and Jungkook stare at one another for a few moments, neither of your eyes leaving the other when Jimin clears his throat.

“Sorry y/n. Jungkook is already over…” he gives you an apologetic smile.

“Is it just you two?” you ask quietly.

“Huh? Uh, yeah.”

You glance down at the pizza and think to yourself. You and Jungkook may not be friends but you can be civil? Yeah, totally! You can definitely be civil! You already bought this fucking pizza so you and Jimin are going to eat it! And you guess, Jungkook too.

“Okay, let me in.” you start shoving your way past Jimin, you watch as his and Jungkook’s eyes go wide.

“Maybe you didn’t hear him, but I am already hanging out with him?” Jungkook sputters out. He awkwardly moves to the side anyway to let you through.

“I can be civil with you Jungkook. Plus, I don’t want this pizza to go to waste. So let’s eat.” You walk through, nudging the pizza box into Jungkook’s hands, he takes it while looking at Jimin with shocked eyes.

Jimin just shrugs and follows you inside.

“Yeah, let’s eat.” He says nonchalantly.

Jungkook is left at the door with the pizza in his hands as he is left completely dumbfounded. He is malfunctioning.

“Jungkook?” you call out over your shoulder, “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Yeah, Jungkook hurry up!” Jimin smirks, he isn’t totally sure what’s going on but he kind of likes it.

“So what were you guys doing before I got here?” you shove an entire slice of pizza down your throat, the sauce getting left behind on your lips.

“I was teaching Jungkook some of my dance moves…we made a bet that he couldn’t learn the entire routine in 3 times…and—”

“Let me guess, he fucking learned it.” You laugh.

Jimin groans, his head thrown back as he begins nodding his head ‘yes.’

“So annoying! What can’t he do!” Jimin throws the pizza crust in the box and Jungkook immediately picks it up and eats it.

“Pshh, I could name a few things.” You point out bitterly. “But we won’t get into that.”

“Yeah, please don’t.” Jimin pleads.

“I’m curious…what is it you think I cant do?” Jungkook quirks a brow at you and your eyes darken in his direction.

“You really want me to?” you take a napkin and wipe your lips, “It’s nothing nice.” You admit.

“Oh then yes, please don’t.” Jungkook is quick to say.

“Yes, please don’t.” Jimin begs again.

The 3 of you are sitting on the living room floor, maybe only 30 minutes or so has passed by and it’s not too awkward. But it’s not necessarily comfortable either. Jimin looks between you and Jungkook constantly, waiting for someone to crack but neither of you really speak to each other. Both of you really only communicating with Jimin.

“So Jimin, are you going to show me another routine?”

“Why? So you can prove you’re the master of everything again? No thanks.”

“Jimin, maybe you can show me a few steps?”

Jimin smiles awkwardly while Jungkook is quick to burst out laughing. You snap your head towards Jungkook and raise your brows at him.

“Why is Jungkook laughing, Jimin?”

“Umm…” Jimin smiles softly, “You aren’t the most…”

Jungkook laughs harder as he watches Jimin trying to explain.

“Aren’t the most…?” You tilt your head towards the boy.

“C’mon y/n don’t make me say it…” Jimin drags out his words in a whine, he plays with his fingers, looking around the room awkwardly.

“Just say it Jimin.” Jungkook chuckles out.

“If you’re trying to say I’m a bad dancer, we all know that’s not true!” you defend once you catch on, you pout at the boys.

“Well…”

“You have both told me I am a good dancer!”

“Well, you know how to move. But steps…following a routine…that’s different. You aren’t very coordinated.” Jimin finally admits, a sheepish grin on his face.

“He means you can roll your hips but your feet are clumsy as fuck.” Jungkook says, still laughing at the situation.

“Shut up.” You glare at Jungkook.

“No, he’s right.” Jimin begins laughing as well, he looks at you and smiles. Well, if Jimin is saying it…maybe it might be true. It’s not like you didn’t kind of know. But still!

“Fine, whatever. Don’t teach me then.”

Suddenly, Jimin’s phone is going off and he rushes to the kitchen to answer it. You and Jungkook eat your pizza in silence, awkwardly catching one another’s gaze.

“So—”

“Don’t talk to me.” You cut in. Jimin isn’t here so it’s not like you have to be totally social with Jungkook.

“Oh.” Jungkook dramatically slumps his shoulders and pouts. You watch him as he throws a silent fit like the baby he is. “Okay.”

Jimin walks back into the living room looking annoyed, he stands between you two and throws a hand on his hip.

“I have to go down to the front office, there was a mix up in packages…I shouldn’t take too long…” he bites down on his plump bottom lip, “Please be civil while I’m gone. Jungkook…” he looks at the boy then at you, “y/n…” he warns.

“Sir yes sir!” you salute towards your friend with a straight face.

Jimin only narrows his eyes as he looks between you two.

“I’m serious…” he says.

Then he is putting on some shoes and heading out the front door, the soft click making you shudder. You’re alone with Jungkook.

A few minutes pass and you both awkwardly just sit there, sometimes catching the other looking. You finally huff out and accidentally giggle.

“What’s funny?” Jungkook’s curiosity getting the best of him.

“It’s just…I feel like we’re Jimin’s divorced parents and we’re trying to be civil for our child.”

Jungkook stares at you with scrunched brows, then looks away while a chuckle escapes his lips.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

You only nod your head in response. You two go back to the awkward silence.

You aren’t used to this…this awkward and odd silence that lingers between you two. It feels so fucking suffocating you almost wish you were on total talking terms so you didn’t have to endure this shit show.

“You know I could…no, forget it.” Jungkook bites his nails as he speaks, “I…”

“What?” you don’t mean to snap at him, but somehow even talking with an attitude feels better than not talking at all.

“I was going to say…I could teach you some steps…then you could surprise Jimin. He’s been working on a salsa piece…I can teach you some? Then maybe he will stop talking shit on your dancing.” Jungkook laughs awkwardly.

“Wait—he talks shit?!” somehow this doesn’t surprise you in the least.

“Only a little.” Jungkook shows you how little with his pointer finger and thumb. “But uh, want me to show you?”

“I don’t even want to talk to you, you think I want to dance with you?” you raise a brow in amusement. You forget this boy has all the audacity.

“Dancing doesn’t have to have any talking.” Jungkook states with a sly smile.

“So you’re just going to show me the steps?”

“Precisely.”

You don’t know why, but this sounds better than actually speaking and/or just sitting in miserable silence. And maybe, just maybe you have a desire to be close to him.

“You think I could learn in time before Jimin gets back?”

“With me as your teacher? Definitely.” He fucking smirks at you and you can’t help but feel that feeling in your stomach. Not necessarily a bad feeling but a fucking feeling.

Jungkook stands to his feet and extends his hand out to you for you to take.

“Here, stand up.”

Your eyes travel from his hands to his eyes and you blink lazily at him…wait, you’re really doing this? He stares down at you and he smiles softly and it creates a warmth in your chest that you’re trying so hard to ignore. You can’t.

Even so, you hesitantly begin to reach up to grab on to his hand, once your skin touches his you feel it. The burning. You should be used to it but right now, the fire is raging and the heat is almost too much. But you let him close his hand over yours as he helps you up.

You’re now standing in front of one another, in complete silence again. But this time it’s not awkward—no, it’s a different type of tension. Your hand lingers in his, neither of you brave enough to let go of the other. Jungkook looks down at you and you up at him, and you feel a million things. But the number one thing you feel is pain. You slowly pull your hand back and break eye contact with him, your head dropping low.

“Show me already.” You whisper.

“Shh, no talking.” Jungkook quietly demands. “Only speak with your body.” He puts some music on the speakers and smirks at you.

Jungkook steps closer to you and you stay grounded in your spot, you can feel the heat of his body begin to radiate and warm you. One of his hands find yours, he weaves his fingers through your own and puts one hand on your hip, he looks down at you to warn you this is how he will guide you.

“Just follow me.”

“You said no talking Mr.Jeon.” you say almost under your breath as you stare into his eyes. Jungkook rolls his head back with a smirk on his face, he looks at you and nods.

He puts his left foot forward and steps with his right foot in the same place at center, then puts his left foot back again. You try to copy his moves but even with such simple steps you step on his feet. He looks up at you disapprovingly. You only smile at him.

You two continue to try these steps until you finally manage to understand them even just a little bit. Jungkook brings your body closer to his as you two move your hips to the music while following the simple steps. His chest flush against your own, his heart beating so loudly you can feel it. Your heart isn’t any better. You start to finally get the hang of it, the music slowly taking you to another place. Jungkook moves his hips to the beat so flawlessly and honestly? You’re doing pretty fucking good if you do say so yourself.

Jungkook’s grip on your hip tightens as he grinds himself closer to you, you feel lightheaded as you two dance to the song. Your breathing getting just a little heavier and you feel lost and pathetic but you’re too immersed in the dance to care. Jungkook finds his head falling into the crook of your neck, his hot breaths fanning against your sensitive skin and you find your hand skimming up his back until you have a handful of his hair. You lightly tug on his locks and Jungkook quietly groans. You don’t know if you’re even doing the right steps anymore, your feet moving all around the place, but somehow it’s working. You’re still following his lead and you’re sure the dance looks somewhat okay. All you care about is how both of your hips move to the beat of the music and into each other. You two are so in sync its driving you nuts.

Jungkook lifts his head and watches as you close your eyes and he closes his own eyes, his head falling forward, your foreheads close to touching. You feel so dizzy, so light and airy, so fucking great like you’re floating. You can’t help but feel the heat creep up your entire body, you feel sweat start to build as you two move. You tighten your hands around Jungkook’s neck and pull him down impossibly close, until his forehead is touching yours. Your harsh breaths mingling with his. You get dragged into the memory of when he had you pinned to his dorms mattress, you recall how his lips left kisses all along your throat, his hot breath reminding you of the past. You think of how he rolled his hips into you effortlessly then as well, you think of how you scraped your nails down his back as he thrusted into you. God, you need to think of something else but Jungkook is filling your mind.

Jungkook’s breathing picks up again, as does yours. Your memories making this dance that much more sensual. You remember the way Jungkook nibbled on your ear as he let filthy words spill from his mouth when he fucked you. God, you should not be thinking this but his body feels so good. God, you should think of anything…literally anything else. You remember how he held you close much like how he is right now. You two continue dancing to the song that is soon coming to an end. You know exactly how it feels to have Jungkook inside you, moving and stilling. You know exactly what it feels like to come all around his cock. God, you need to stop. You need to slow your breathing. God, you…you…you...he continues to guide you along to the music when you feel something hard poke against you. Oh. Oh. OH. Hard. He’s hard.

Immediately, you pull back and take several clumsy steps backward. You blink at him with wide eyes when you realize that maybe he was recalling the same memories as you. Your wide eyes concerning Jungkook.

“Okay, that’s enough lessons for today.” Your harsh breaths don’t go unnoticed by Jungkook, his own breathing quite unsteady.

“Right.” Jungkook mumbles.

You two stand around for a few moments, just taking in the experience you just shared.

You still feel…how do you feel? You just shared a hot dance with your best friend? Wait—ex best friend? You don’t know. The memory of his body moving with yours, his skin touching your skin, his breaths on your neck, his hair balled up in your hands. God, it felt so good.

But so wrong.

“Umm…thanks.” You finally say.

Jungkook perks up at the gratitude, even if it’s somewhat forced. His frown turns into a small smile and you can’t help but smile back.

“I miss you y/n.” Jungkook instantly regrets it by the look on your face. Your expression turning hard. “Sorry I—”

“No, I miss you too.” You answer honestly. “But this doesn’t change anything.”

“But why not? Do you really not want me in your life for like, ever?”

Jungkook’s questions settle deep within you. The depth they hold…it’s too much. You wonder? Is this anti-Jungkook thing permanent? Or are you just trying to teach him a lesson?

Jungkook rubs his temples as he thinks, he sighs out instead of talking more.

“Not forever.” You finally say. Jungkook looks at you, a sliver of hope flashes across his face.

“But when?” he asks softly.

Yeah y/n. When? You know you both can’t go back to how things use to be but maybe starting over? God, you don’t know what to do! You know someone like Trina will be disappointed you became friends with Jungkook again so quickly, but you know someone like Jimin would be happy his two friends are back to being on okay terms. Why are you trying to please everybody? What do you want?

“Will you ever give up?” you say a little more lightly.

“No…” he says under his breath, his eyes focusing on the TV. “Not until you agree to be my friend again.”

You look at Jungkook with disbelief written all over your face, this boy has the fucking audacity once again. You’re amused though.

“Excuse me?” you say, cleaning your ear out with your point finger. “I didn’t catch that.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, his eyes are large and doe like and it brings you back to every moment ever that he has given you this look.

“You’re stuck with me until you love me again.” He says more firmly.

“Who said,” you look at him with soft eyes, “That I ever stopped loving you?”

Jungkook smiles, he fucking smiles. His adorable bunny smile that makes your heart race.

“You still love me?”

“Only a little.” You jut your lip out, “I mostly hate you.”

Jungkook only frowns for a second before he is smiling again, “That’s fair.”

The two of you stand in comfortable silence for a few minutes, you sway back and forth wondering what you want to say to him—you miss him, of course but…

“Let’s take it slow.” You finally break the silence. You miss him more than anything and it might be worth it to have him in your life again, “You aren’t going to be a priority in my life anymore.” You crack you knuckles, the sound filling up the room.

“I know,” Jungkook feels his heart twist at your words but at least it’s something. “We can go however slow you want y/n.”

“You are on—”

“Thin fucking ice, buddy. I know.”

You exhale a shaky breath, thinking about how to go about this, “We can text every now and then, I’m not sure I want to hang out with you quite yet.”

“Okay.”

“Maybe a group hang out first…”

“I’d like that.”

Jungkook reaches over to grab your hand but you pull back, “That’s a no from me for the affection.”

Hurt flashes across Jungkook’s features but he softens up as he nods his head. “Noted.”

You wonder if you’re making the right decision. This wasn’t easy, you know? This actually felt quite hard. But somehow you feel like some weight has been lifted off your shoulders, like things maybe just maybe will be okay.

“I won’t push myself on you, I promise.” Jungkook sits back down on the floor, crossing his legs.

“Just be yourself, Jungkook.”

“If I wanted to be myself I would be hugging you right now but that’s apparently off limits.” He jokes.

“One hug.” You open your arms timidly. You feel one hug can’t be too bad?

Jungkook widens his eyes in pleasant surprise. He stands to his feet again and opens his own arms.

“C’mere.”

You watch in disbelief as he grins with his arms wide open, expecting you to go to him! And you do. You fucking do.

His arms wrap around you, he pushes you into his chest and you feel so fucking good. So warm, so cozy. His scent making you feel dizzy again, his warmth causing you to heat up. You lean back and look at his content face, he honestly looks so fucking content. Like, this hug is everything to him. And maybe it is, but you don’t know that.

“Uh, am I interrupting something?” you both snap your heads toward the front door to see Jimin standing there with a package in his hands.

“I can come back later?” he smirks at you two.

“No no no no!” you drop your arms from hugging Jungkook and take a few steps back, “We were just—”

“We made up, Jimin.” Jungkook says calmly with the softest smile you’ve ever seen on him.

“We’re taking it slow!” you rush to say.

“Oh?” Jimin winks, he walks forward until he’s in the living room joining you two. “Does this mean you will be joining us this Thursday at Jungkook and Nick’s place?”

“Huh?”

Jungkook shifts on his feet, “Yeah, uh, me and Nick are having a small get together on Thursday…you can bring whoever you want…but you’re definitely invited.”

“Before I answer that…Jimin how did you not know about Nick and him being Jungkook’s roommate?”

“Listen! Jungkook is always HERE! I never go over there! The few times I was there Nick was never home okay?!” Jimin whines obnoxiously.

“Okay, whatever. And Jungkook, I said—”

“You said group hang outs.” Jungkook pouts.

Oh. You did say that. But this soon? And is she going to be there?

You chew on your lips before answering, “Okay. But I’m bringing Trina and Holly.”

“Oh bro, Trina is not your biggest fan.” Jimin cuts in.

“Yeah, I know how she is I already anticipated that.” Jungkook shrugs, he looks at you with a small smile.

Okay, starting over? Taking it slow? Can you and Jungkook do this? You look between the boys and smile,

“Okay. See you boys on Thursday.”

#bts #bts smut #bts angst #bts fluff #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #taehyung angst

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egcdeath · 4 years

Text

strangers again

summary: “hiiii sweetie!! can i request a steve x reader where he left yn for peggy. but he always felt guilty and missed yn. he would always stare at her pic. when he came back he bumped into yn while she was dropping a kid to daycare. and steve realized it was his son. kinda sad but fluff at the end pls!!!! and oh i super love your works!!! tysm 🌼🥺💕”

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warnings: decent angst, brief mention of a depressive episode, abandonment, somewhat unrealistic behavior

word count: 3.8k

author’s note: i really hope that this lives up to your expectations but it is a little cheesy. i’d also like to warn that i have not interacted with a child in several years, so.. sorry. (there’s also a lot of exposition so double sorry if that’s not your thing!)

You’d never forget the moment Steve left to return the stones, with the promise to be back in only a matter of moments.

Maybe your definition of a matter of moments was different from his.

You seemed to be the only one without a clue of what Steve truly planned to do, with Bucky only telling you after the matter that Steve was leaving for the past and for Peggy, and probably not coming back.

After finding out, something deep within you broke. You could barely leave your bed for days, you struggled to eat, sleep, even drink water. Every task that used to seem like muscle memory, began to feel like it carried the weight of the world behind it. Every hobby that you once enjoyed becoming empty and bleak.

You constantly felt inadequate. How could you love someone so much, and be told you were loved so much while always being second to someone else?

The simple sentiment of it had left you feeling miserable, and sick to your stomach. Literally. Nearly every morning, and occasionally if you smelled something too strong, you found the contents of your stomach emptied.

You attempted to ignore it at first. Meshed with every other unpleasant symptom you were going through, you’d figured that it was just one more bullet point on the list of things that had been plaguing you. But when your friends insisted that you go check up with your doctor, you had a hard time saying no.

Once you received the results from your blood test, you were completely taken aback by the fact that you were pregnant. You couldn't believe that you hadn’t considered the possibility of pregnancy earlier.

Yet, after a long and hard period of pondering, you managed to surprise yourself once again after you realized you wanted to keep it.

After all, that could be the only piece of Steve you had left.

----

You began to tell yourself that Steve was dead. That was somehow less painful than the idea that he left you for someone that he barely knew, yet had fallen so hard for nearly 70 years ago. You refused to let yourself fall for anyone else romantically, now that you were aware that anyone had the capacity to leave you at any time, no matter how deep you perceived your relationship to be.

You guarded your heart, and made sure to only let in those that you knew you could trust for a fact. For the remainder of your pregnancy, only your closest family members and friends stood by your side.

About 8 months later, you brought a small, but healthy infant into the world. From that moment on, you promised yourself to become the best version of yourself that you could be. No dwelling on the past, and no yearning for what could’ve been. Your only duty now was to provide the best life possible for your offspring.

So you did.

----

You stood in the kitchen, peeling an orange for your son before he bounded into the room. You turned and gave him a big grin, and he grinned back to you.

“Did you get dressed all by yourself?” You asked him excitedly, receiving a nod in return before he ran up to your leg, and hugged it.

“I did, Mommy!” He looked up at you with his soulful eyes, and you couldn’t help but to feel bombarded with emotion.

Even at the tender age of five, Grant seemed to become a bit more like his father every day. The shape of his eyes, the slope of his nose, the sound of his giggle. To the average onlooker, he came across as the same as any other child, but to you, your son was the splitting image of Steve.

“Good work, little man. Now go sit at the table so mommy can finish breakfast, okay?” He didn’t even bother confirming with you before more or less sprinting to the table. You couldn’t help but to ask yourself if your son had obtained all of that energy and speed from his father as well.

Breakfast was over almost as soon as it started, and before you knew it, you were warming up your car after you’d assisted Grant with brushing his teeth.

You were in an oddly nostalgic mood that day, playing music from a time period before you’d even imagined bringing another life into the world. You glanced up at the rearview mirror and watched your son happily bop his head to the beat. You thought in passing about how much of a gift he truly was.

After arriving at his school, you hopped out of the car and over to the furthest seat in the back, where he’d insisted on sitting that day.

“You ready, big guy?” You questioned while reaching out to grab him from the car seat.

“Born ready,” he agreed. You chuckled and shook your head fondly at that while getting him out of the car.

“Who taught you that?”

Grant shrugged, “I came up with it myself.”

“I’m sure. Can you hold my hand while we’re out please?” You reached out for him, and he gladly obliged.

You soon became distracted by a large man across the street, his built figure and light blonde hair making you recall the father of your child. You gave Grant’s hand a light squeeze and continued to approach the door, not being able to help yourself, and glancing over at the man one last time.

Except this time was different. Your eyes locked with the blonde man outside of the coffee shop across the street unexpectedly. Where you once thought casually to yourself that it looked like Steve, you now had confirmation that it was in fact the man who you’d fallen in love with, and found yourself pregnant by.

You audibly gasped, receiving a bit of a questioning look from your child. Your heart dropped as a metric ton of emotions hit you all at once, anger, sadness, confusion. Everything you told yourself you needed to repress, had suddenly come back to you all at once.

Even from a distance, you swore you could see his eyes flit from you to Grant, and the next thing you knew, he was approaching your direction. Looking for an easy out, and a distraction from your rather observant child, you quickly caused a misdirection.

“Grant, is that Stacey over on the playground? You should totally go show her that new version of tag that you were telling me about!”

Your son, ever the speedster, booked it towards the playground, and you let out a sigh of relief. Although, the relief didn’t last long, as just moments later, Steve was almost all the way up to you. As you turned to try to escape, you felt a hand on your arm.

“Y/N?” He asked, almost timidly.

You weren’t even sure what to say. In fact, you didn’t feel like you had control of your own body at this point. “Steve? I-“ You ran a hand through your hair and bit the inside of your lip. “You need to go.” The pain that was rushing through you was too much for you to bare, especially considering the man who caused the hurt had suddenly decided to reappear in your life after giving you a world of self doubt and abandonment issues.

Steve seemed hurt by your statement, but you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand to even look at his face. “Please, Y/N, let me explain,” he begged.

“No, Steve. You don’t get that luxury. You left me for someone else, and I guess you got to live a nice, long life with her. You don’t get to just show back up in my life when you get bored, okay? I can’t afford to play those types of games anymore. Now if you’d let me go-“ You attempted to get to your car, but Steve side stepped you.

“It wasn’t like that. You know it isn’t like that.”

“Just fucking leave! You have no idea what this has all been like for me. You had your opportunity to leave, and you gladly took it. Stay the fuck out of my life, and the hell away from my son.” You grabbed the handle of your car door and got in, reeling as you watched a dejected Steve walk away.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you rested your head against the steering wheel. You were feeling way too many emotions to pinpoint exactly how you felt, but you knew that this couldn’t be good.

——

You put a brave face on for your son that day, picking him up from school in a daze, and only half listening to whatever it was that he was telling you.

You felt bad for only being able to nod along to whatever he was saying, and did he just ask you if he could get a dog? Did you just say yes?

You felt like a stranger watching yourself from the outside in. The ghost of the person you’d developed into over the years watching the past version of yourself slip right back into your body, and take over your daily routine through the next few days of your life.

You had an obscene amount of anger that soon dissolved into a deep sadness, and that sadness shorty developed into a morbid curiosity.

You spent an unreasonable, and certainly unhealthy amount of time searching your old lover’s name on tabloid websites and social media, just to see if he’d given a statement on his whereabouts, or a statement about anything at all.

After about day three of your minor internet stalking, you’d had an epiphany while sitting in your office.

You still have Steve’s number saved on your phone.

That was, of course, if it hadn’t changed between now and the years that he’d been off living in the past.

Something about knowing that you were just one text away from him made your heart race with a mixture of nerves and interest. Just one impulsive decision, and you could change the whole trajectory of the rest of your life.

If you got back in contact with Steve, you might not ever be willing to leave him. You refused to make that mistake again.

Until you did.

After reading Grant his nightly bedtime story, then wrapping him tightly in his little bed, you’d decided to treat yourself to a glass of Chardonnay.

It’d been a weird past couple of days. Your time traveling ex had randomly appeared back into your life, your coworkers seemed to get on your nerves a little more every moment you were around them, and Grant had a temper tantrum in the grocery store that afternoon over a chocolate bar, which gained judging stares from customers, and may have made you feel the slightest bit inadequate.

At least that’s what you told yourself as you filled your glass again, because two glasses can’t hurt, and again, since I kinda deserve this extra one, don’t I? The next thing you knew, the bottle was empty, and you were texting Steve for the first time in years.

Y: Is this Steve?

You watched as three white dots hovered on your screen for a moment, disappeared, then came back once again.

S: Is this Y/N?

Y: Yes.

Y: We should tlak

Y: *talk

S: I agree.

Y: So lets

Y: talk

S: I don’t think this is a conversation for texts.

Y: Then call me???????????????????

S: We should talk in person.

Y: Im not gonna do that sober

S: You’re not sober?

Y: do you think id text u sober u big fuckni asshole

S: I guess you’re right

S: So are we gonna talk?

Y: no ur gonna meet me at b cup cafe tomorrow at 10

S: AM or PM?

Y: AM I’m off

S: Are you sure you want to do this?

Y: Say yes before i change my mind

S: I’ll see you there

Y: Bye babydaddy

S: ????

You promptly deleted the messages, tossed your phone somewhere on the sofa, and sunk into the seat. Even in your not-completely-sober state, you already felt the all too familiar sense regret. You dragged the blanket that hung over the top of the sofa over your exhausted body, and closed your eyes, wishing that this was somehow all a dream.

----

It was not all just a dream.

You woke up with dried drool on your chin, and a deep pit of bad feelings and regret in your chest. Of course, you ignored the bad feelings and got ready, business as usual. You successfully dropped Grant off at school with little complications, and found yourself perking up a bit more.

Yet, something still felt slightly off. You reached into the passenger seat for your phone, and as you looked down on it, saw the familiar notification of a calendar event.

10:00 AM b cup coff w Steeb

You groaned out loud at this. There was no obligation for you to go meet with him, but perhaps going and talking to Steve would bring you some sort of closure. Maybe then you could move on with your life, get with a nice guy who would mean it when he tells you he won't leave you, who loves Grant like he’s his own biological offspring, and to take care of the both of you through thick and thin.

You gladly daydreamed of this fantasy man while driving to the shop, but you couldn’t help but to see Steve’s face doing all of the aforementioned things. Before you even fell pregnant, that’s what you’d truly wanted with Steve. To be a family. To have your definition of home be with your people, rather than a place.

Entering the coffee shop, you briefly ordered your drink before looking around and find Steve sitting alone in a booth, mindlessly stirring around the liquid in his cup.

Timidly, you approached the booth, before setting your purse down and sitting across from him.

“You... you came?” He looked up to you with almost watery eyes.

“Of course I did,” you tried to hold yourself back from mentioning something about following through on your word. You wanted this to be as civil as possible. To build bridges rather than burn them.

“I just didn’t expect to see you in person again. And, you know, you were running a little late,” he added.

“Well, you try waking a five year old up and getting him ready for school every day,” you expelled a humorless chuckle to deflect from the slight agitation you were feeling.

“While you’re hungover?” Steve asked with a bit of a smirk, trying to lighten up the mood.

“While you’re hungover,” You confirmed, genuinely laughing now. It felt good, natural even. You’d kind of forgotten just how pleasant things used to be with Steve.

“Did you mean it last night?” he interrupted the laughter with a serious look.

“I honestly cannot remember anything I said last night. Elaborate, please?”

“That he’s mine. Your son.” He watched you silently nod, then began to speak again, “Wow, I just didn’t realize… How did that happen?” He looked down into his drink nervously.

“Well, it’s kind of hard to recall the exact details, but when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...” You trailed off, and looked up as a barista called a butchered version of your name.

You were glad to have an excuse to get up and leave for a moment. Adrenaline was racing through your body, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep your composure before you erupted into tears, or had some sort of angry outburst.

Bringing your cup back to the booth, you sat down and took a sip of the scalding drink, “Where did we leave off?”

“I believe you were giving me the birds and the bees?”

“Right! Well, I think you know the rest. I’ll tell you more about Grant later. Right now, I want to know why you left and suddenly decided to come back.” You genuinely felt proud of your delivery. This was the moment you’d practiced in front of the mirror for years, and you didn’t even butcher it.

Steve shook his head and looked into his drink once again. It was so hard to look at you, let alone make eye contact with you, when he knew that he’d been the one to give you an ocean of grief. Yet, he was somewhat intrigued by hearing that his son’s name was his middle name.

“It’s kind of a long story,” Steve began.

“Good thing we have time,” you crossed your arms as you spoke.

“Well, waking up in a whole new time period isn’t exactly the easiest thing ever. You and me both know I missed it there, and it’s always been more than just nostalgia for me. I truly believed that I belonged back there.”

Of course, you had an idea of this, but hearing Steve confirm what you’d already thought made your insides twist.

“But I was so wrong. More than anything, I guess I was in love with a romanticized version of the past. Of Peggy.”

Hearing her name, especially from Steve, made you bristle. You wanted to interrupt him at this point, but it wouldn’t do you or him any good to become hostile while he explained himself.

“By the time I realized, it was too late. I figured you’d already moved on and found someone else to take care of you, and the world, this world, didn’t really need me anymore. But something possessed me to come back.”

“So you’re telling me that if you stopped being an idiot that just assumes things, we could’ve worked this out before? That you could’ve been an active participant in your son’s life?”

“I guess that’s a good way to interpret that story. I know I haven’t been in his life, but is there any way that I can still meet him?” Steve asked hopefully.

“Yeah, of course. He’s just like,” you sighed a bit to yourself. “He’s like a carbon copy of you. Especially his personality, but like, down to his mannerisms. I always struggled to understand how he could be so much like his dad, and never even had met him. You’ll love him.”

“Even if I didn't like him, I’d still love him.”

“How do you still manage to be such a cheeseball all the damn time? You think you’d be able to make it to dinner tonight?”

----

At exactly 6:30 on the dot, your doorbell rang, and before you even had the chance to think about opening it, Grant already was at the door, and opening it. You cringed on the inside, and made a mental note to have another conversation about stranger danger with him.

“Do I know you? Who are you?” you heard your child question from the other room as you set down the last of the plates in your dining room.

“I’m Steve, your mom’s friend... and…” Steve nearly spilled the beans to his son, but didn’t want to cause any more damage than he’d already done. “Her friend.”

“That’s so cool! I have friends too, like Nick, and Stacey, and,” you’d rushed up to the door and wiped your brow, internally hoping that you hadn’t just smudged the makeup you’d put on for the occasion.

“Hi, Steve, come on in,” You beckoned him in, and pulled Grant to the side, quietly scolding him before leading Steve into the dining room. “Grant! This is the last time I’m telling you about opening doors, okay?” He nodded obediently, then followed you and Steve.

“Can I sit next to your friend, Mommy?”

“Is that alright with you, Steve?”

“More than fine.”

Grant sat down next to him, and scooted a bit closer than necessary, while you sat across from the two of them.

“I have to in… enter a gate you now. Because Mommy never brings any over her friends over. I didn’t know she had any friends.”

You blushed a bit at this, at your son’s overdramatic behavior, and his admission that you’d become a bit of a loner.

“Go ahead, pal,” Steve chuckled heartily.

“When did you meet my mom?”

“Before you were even born.”

“Wow! That’s a long time. You’re really old. What’s your favorite dinosaur?”

“I’ve heard T-Rexes are pretty cool.”

“Have you met any?”

You nearly spat out your drink at this. If only your son had known.

“Nope, never. Have you?”

“Hmm, not yet. But they’re my favorite dino too. Now your ‘gating is over.”

You couldn’t help but to burst out into laughter at the bizarre exchange, but you were glad that your son and Steve were getting along so well.

The rest of dinner went pretty similarly, with Grant bantering with Steve, and Steve indulging him. You could tell that the relationship between the two of them was something that came both naturally and easily. You couldn’t help but to grin as Grant began to ramble about how cool Steve was, and how he swore he was better friends with Steve than you were.

“Mommy, isn’t Steve the best? You guys should totally get married so he can have dinner with us every day!” he swooned. “He even kinda looks like me, right?!”

That’s why you couldn’t help what came out of your mouth next.

“Grant, Steve is… He’s your dad,” you said quietly.

Grant nodded, then slurped up a noodle, “That’s why he’s so cool! He gets it from me, right Mom?”

“That sounds right to me,” You glanced up at Steve, and noticed his surprised expression. You mouthed something along the lines to ‘He’ll process it later,’ and waved a dismissive hand, before going in for another bite of food.

----

After putting Grant to bed, You and Steve stood at your kitchen sink, bumping elbows occasionally as the two of you silently worked together to wash and dry dishes.

The domesticity and familiarity of the action brought you an obscene amount of comfort. You remembered how you once believed that this is what your future would look like. Your thoughts were interrupted by Steve beginning to talk.

“Doesn’t this remind you of life after the first snap?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“Kind of. You’re not off the hook yet, by the way. You still have plenty of explaining and proving you’ve changed to do.” You set the last cup in the cupboard, then dried your hands off.

“I know, I know,” Steve began.

“We don’t even know if you’re ready for fatherhood. But right now, I kinda don’t care. I really just want you to kiss me.” You reached up to Steve’s cheek, and he pulled you in for a soft and chaste kiss.

You’d never felt more at home.

——

me with this fic:

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #angst #captain america x reader #captain america x you #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #request

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fruitcoops · 4 years

Note

Hey so umm in your Talker pov fic it had a line where it said these pics made him sick so I had an idea! If you could do you think you could do a pic where the pics make loops physically sick or something?

Oof, it’s been a hot minute since I wrote legitimate angst. Someone else asked for prompt 22 from the mixed prompt list, so I incorporated that as well. Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

Prompt 22: “Everything is okay”

TW for throwing up/ dry heaving, forced outing, and lots of crying

Remus broke down just before they reached the car, crumpling against James’ side with a strangled cry as he unlocked the door. “Woah, hang on, buddy,” James muttered, pulling him back upright and opening the passenger side.

“They know,” Remus whispered as tears coursed down his face. “They know, they know, they all know.”

“I’m so sorry, Remus.” He pressed their foreheads together and handed him the seatbelt buckle. “Just—just hang on for me, yeah? I’m going to take you home now.”

James could feel people’s stares prickling the back of his neck as he started the car and drove out of the parking garage, doing his very best to ignore the horrible, gulping sobs coming from one of his best friends. “Everyone knows and he left me.” A fresh wave of tears slammed into Remus and he slumped against the window, burying his face in his hands. “He left me, oh, god.”

And I’m going to kill him for it. James ground his teeth. After I find him and make sure he’s alright, I’m going to chew him out for ditching you without a word. Then I’m going to hug him and never let go again. “Everything is okay, Remus.”

“No, it’s not. It’s not going to be okay, I’m gonna get fired and—and my parents are going to hate me and Sirius is going to hate me—”

“Sirius is not going to hate you,” James interrupted, taking Remus’ hand and giving it a squeeze.

“Then why did he leave?” Remus choked out.

“He got scared. That’s what he does when he’s scared.” I thought he was going to a girlfriend when it was you all along. “I’m so sorry.”

Remus didn’t appear to have heard him. “This is all my fault.”

“What? How?”

“I should’ve been more careful. It was my idea to meet up on New Year’s, and it was so stupid to think we could get away with it. Any of it.”

“Hey. Hey.” James glanced over for a half second before turning back to the road. “Remus, none of this is on you. You and Sirius should be free to kiss on New Year’s like everybody else without some asshole sticking their nose in your business. This is not your fault.”

“He trusted me, James.” Remus sounded fragile and sharp, like broken glass. “I told him I’d be careful. He trusted me with everything.”

“I know he did.” How could I have been so blind? “Did anyone else know?”

Remus shook his head, then paused and nodded. “Leo figured it out. Logan knows. Talker almost walked in once. Dumo—” he faltered. “Dumo was the one who got us together.”

“When?”

“November.” His lower lip wobbled. “Sirius’ birthday dinner.”

Months. They’ve been together for literal months and I never knew. “Jesus.”

His desperate clutch on James’ hand loosened and he looked over, pale and shivering. He swallowed once, twice, staring at James in sudden and paralyzing terror. “Are you—are you disappointed?”

“About what?”

“That I’m…that Sirius is—” He couldn’t even get the word out and James felt like he was going to throw up.

“No. No, Remus, I am not disappointed.” He fought the lump in his throat, lacing their fingers together tighter. “This changes nothing, okay? Sirius is still my best friend. You’re still my best friend. I am so proud of you for finding happiness with him and I will personally fight anyone who says differently.”

Remus’ whole body shook with silent tears as he gripped James’ hand like a lifeline. His palm was cold and sweaty, but James kept his grip and turned off the freeway.

“What this person did was wrong, plain and simple. The only thing I’m disappointed in is that I didn’t do enough to make you feel safe coming out to me, and that is not your fault either.” He took a side road to avoid the main streets of Gryffindor, following the path to Remus’ apartment building through muscle memory.

Neither of them said a word for the rest of the drive, but Remus’ gasping, cut off breaths filled the silence well enough. James parked on the street and got out of the car after a quick look around—from what he could tell, nobody else was watching. He had to practically carry Remus up the main steps and into the elevator, slamming the button for his floor as hard as he could, like that would make it move faster.

“Do you have a key?” he asked as they hurried down the hallway. Remus nodded and pressed it into his hand with trembling fingers; it opened, and they all but collapsed inside as James shut and locked the door.

“Excuse me for a second,” Remus said, eyes glazed over and face as pale as the moon. He walked steadily to the bathroom and closed the door; not three seconds later, the muffled sound of dry heaving came through the thin wood.

James grabbed a half-drunk waterbottle from the kitchen and knit blanket off the back of the sofa, then knocked gently. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” his miserable voice replied. James closed the door behind him—it wasn’t like anyone could follow them in, but it was the thought that counted. Tears continued to streak down his cheeks as his shoulders lurched, though nothing came up.

“Deep breaths, Re,” James murmured, rubbing his back in slow circles. “Deep breaths. You’re going to be alright.”

“It hurts so much.”

“What does?”

“Everything.” Remus’ voice was louder than before and transitioned into a cracking sob as he leaned against the bathtub and wrapped his arms around himself. “Everything hurts so much and I don’t know why.”

James scooted over and sat next to him, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders; Remus curled into his side, dampening his shirt with tears and snot. James could see his phone lighting up every half-second out of the corner of his eye and resolutely ignored it. There was one person and one person only whom he wanted to talk to right now.

“You should go see him,” Remus croaked, as if he read James’ mind. “Sirius—he needs you. He doesn’t say it often but he needs you.”

“I’m going to call Lily and have her come over. Are you cool with that?” When Remus nodded, he took his phone out and swiped past all his notifications until he reached the one labeled Lils.

At Re’s apt, going to see Pads. Pls come over and keep an eye on him asap. Love you

Mere seconds later, a response pinged: on my way.

He ran his hand up Remus’ arm to get his attention. The uncontrollable sobbing had tapered off into a vacant stare and the occasional wracking shudder. “Lily will be here in a few. I’ll stay here until she—”

“No. No, you have to go see him.” Remus blinked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. “Please, James, just keep him safe for me. I can be alone for a bit.”

After a moment of deliberation, he sighed and rose into a crouch, taking Remus’ icy hands in his own and making eye contact with him. “Everything is going to be okay, Remus. Trust me on that.” He kissed the top of his head as he stood up, then hesitated at the bathroom door.

“Go. I’ll be fine.”

“Everything is going to be okay,” James repeated once more before walking back out and heading for the door. It’s going to be okay. They’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. I don’t know what I’ll do if it’s not.

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scotianostra · 3 years

Photo

On 21st July 1796 Robert Burns died in Dumfries.

Rather than write up an account from several sources and my own knowledge as I normally do I will leave it to the poet and neighbour of the Ploughman Poet, Alan Cunninham, to describe the fateful day……

“It was soon spread through Dumfries that Burns had returned from the *Brow much worse than when he went away, and it was added that he was dying. The anxiety of the people, high and low, was very great. I was present and saw it. Wherever two or three were together their talk was of Burns, and of him alone. They spoke of his history, of his person, and of his works - of his witty sayings and sarcastic replies, and of his too early fate with much enthusiasm, and sometimes with deep feeling. All that he had done, and all that he had hoped he would accomplish, were talked of: half-a-dozen of them stopped Dr. Maxwell in the street, and said, "How is Burns sir?” He shook his head, saying, “he cannot be worse, ” and passed on to be subjected to similar inquiries farther up the way. I heard one of a group inquire, with much simplicity, “Who do you think will be our poet now?”

Though Burns now knew he was dying, his good humour was unruffled, and his wit never forsook him. When he looked up and saw Dr. Maxwell at his bed-side, - “Alas!” he said, “what has brought you here? I am but a poor crow and not worth plucking.” He pointed to his pistols, those already mentioned the gift of their maker, Blair of Birmingham, and desired that Maxwell would accept of them, saying they could not be in worthier keeping, and he should have no more need of them. This relieved his proud heart from a sense of obligation. Soon afterwards he saw Gibson, one of his brother-volunteers by the bed-side with tears in his eyes. He smiled and said, - “John, don’t let the awkward squad fire over me!”

His household presented a melancholy spectacle: the Poet dying; his wife in hourly expectation of being confined: four helpless children wandering from room to room, gazing on their miserable parents and but too little of food or cordial kind to pacify the whole or soothe the sick. To Jessie Lewars, all who are charmed with the poet’s works are much indebted: she acted with the prudence of a sister and the tenderness of a daughter, and kept desolation away, though she could not keep disease. - “A tremor,” says Maxwell, “pervaded his frame; his tongue, though often refreshed, became parched; and his mind, when not roused by conversation, sunk into delirium. On the second and third day after his return from the Brow, the fever increased and his strength diminished. On the fourth day, when his attendant, James Maclure held a cordial to his lips, he swallowed it eagerly - rose almost wholly up - spread out his hands - sprang forward nigh the whole length of the bed - fell on his face and expired. He was thirty seven years and seven months old, and of a form and strength which promised long life; but the great and inspired are often cut down in youth while "Villains ripen gray with time”.

I can’t really add to what Cunningham has written, what I will add is the remarkable story about the night almost 40 years after his death the poet’s skull was taken on a wee walk by a group of Dumfries locals with a strange interest.

The men, led by newspaper editor John McDiarmid, were keen advocates of phrenology - a now discredited pseudo-science that believed you could read deep truths about someone's personality from plotting the bumps on their head.

McDiarmid and others were keen to study the skull of the ploughman poet - a man who was thought of as a natural genius and whose personality was well-known throughout the world.

The phrenologists were interested in Burns because he was such an important character in the public imagination and therefore they wanted to see if the bumps on his skull would match up to his public persona.

However, the Bard's widow Jean Armour was not thought to be keen to allow the phrenologists to disturb her husband's resting place because his remains had already been moved once before.

When Burns died in Dumfries he was not buried in the imposing mausoleum that currently stands in the town's St Michael's kirkyard. The bright, white, rock star tomb, with its pillars and domes and its marble figure of Burns at the plough, was erected 19 years after his death, following a long fundraising effort. His widow was disgusted by the gruesome exhumation of the poet's body, and the remains of two of his sons, to the relocate them to the new monument.

Dumfries Courier editor McDiarmid wrote an account of removing Burns from his original resting place.

He told how when the workmen tried to lift the original wooden coffin "the head separated from the trunk, and the whole body, with the exception of the bones, crumbled into dust".

The newspaper editor may have been accurately describing the scene but he was not there at the time, he arrived in town two years after the event and must have cursed his luck at missing out on getting his hands on Burns' skull for a phrenological study.

It was not until Jean Armour died in 1834 that another opportunity arose to get a plaster of Paris cast of the skull. McDiarmid realised the crypt of the mausoleum was going to be opened and he appears to have obtained permission from Jean's brother to take a cast of the skull. The group carrying out the plan comprised of six men plus their assistants, and by the end of the night the Provost, the Dean of Guild and rector of Dumfries academy as well.

They don't want to be seen and they didn't want a mob to assemble and say 'here they are violating the poet's grave, we are going to stop them. They make their first attempt at 7pm but there are too many people about. At 10pm in come our boys again over the walls, sneak up to the mausoleum with the keys, they go down into the vault with a ladder and a muffled lantern so people didn't see the light.

According to Burns' experts who reconstructed the process, McDiarmid had thought he would be able to take a plaster cast of the skull in the vault but he realised he couldn't. So he popped it into a linen bag and walked it up the high street to Queensberry Street where the plasterer James Fraser worked. They made a mould and from that they took a cast of the skull.

There are several persons involved, one of which is the surgeon Archibald Blacklock and according to the published accounts he, very scientifically, handles this skull.

He also apparently tried his hat on it out of awe, because the skull is so large he wants to know if his hat can fit on it or not. The workmen around him then all apparently try their hats on the skull as well. The freshly-cast skull was rushed to Edinburgh, to George Combe, the master of phrenology, who prepared a report on Burns' personality.

Phrenologists believed the brain was made up of 27 individual "organs" that determined personality and these could be measured by studying the shape of the skull. Combe's report rated Burns for a number of character traits based on the size of the "organs".

One of Burns' organs that was very large was his organ of “philoprogenitiveness,” his ability to produce and care for children! Along with a high score for benevolence, the phrenologists said this explained his love for weak and helpless creatures displayed in poems such as To a Mouse and On Seeing a Wounded Hare. A lot of it was just talking about the poetry and the life and trying to make sense of this scientific analysis in relation to Burns' well-known public character and his written work.

This was a "risky" strategy, because Burns was so well-known that if their findings had been at odds with his public persona it would have made phrenology look like a fraud. So they worked very hard to make sense of these materials. Instead of the scientific philosophy of trying to prove your hypothesis wrong, the phrenologists wanted to confirm their prior beliefs.

The anatomical museum of the University of Edinburgh has a cast of Burns' skull which is likely to be one of the original copies made that night in 1834, there is also a copy in The Burns Museum at Alloway.

Pics include a drawing of the poets “death room” and the skull in the museum.

#Scotland #scottish #poetry #rabbie burns #literature #national bard #history

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emdeedot45 · 4 years

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Fluff 46 - “I don’t know if I want to yell at you or kiss you.” 😘

Prompt #1 "I don't know if I want to yell at you or kiss you"

Sylvie was mad.

Normally, it took a lot for her to get mad, but that’s what she was right now. She was mad and frustrated and pissed off and every other synonym under the sun that could be used to describe this situation.

The situation? Well, it started yesterday when she and Mackey had tended to a call at an old cemetery down town. As if the location wasn’t creepy enough, a clown had fallen into one of the open graves and needed medical assistance. Sylvie felt her entire body tense when she saw what they were facing. She hated clowns. They were so deceptive with their painted-on smiles and dirty tricks. But ever the professional, she put her fears to the side focused on the job at hand. She was PIC, she was a mentor to Mackey, she had to show she could handle this.

They couldn’t deal with it alone, however, and needed a manpower assist to get the clown out of the grave. Luckily for them, Engine 40 had been close by and swiftly got the clown out and Sylvie and Mackey quickly got him into the back of the ambo.

“God, I hate clowns…” she’d grumbled as she closed the backdoors to the ambo.

“Really? I always thought they were kind of fun in an entirely stupid way.”

She’d turned around and saw Greg Grainger standing behind her, his hands casually resting in his pockets and a charming smirk on his face that Sylvie figured got him pretty much whatever he wanted.

“No. They’re horribly deceptive.” Sylvie explained.

“Well for someone with a fear you wouldn’t have known with how you handled that.” He praised.

Sylvie scoffed in response, “Ever the professional.”

“Yeah… so, what have you been up to lately? I haven’t really seen you around.” He pried.

She’d been around. Maybe not as much as she’d normally been – nights on her couch with wine and HGTV or wine and girl time with Stella felt much more appealing that being at Molly’s, trying to focus on whoever she was talking to but her mind – and eyes – wandering to Captain Matthew Casey instead. Somehow, they always managed to find each other in a room and it was infuriating. She was trying to forget him. How was she supposed to do that when they kept burring holes into each other with their eyes?

Sylvie kept having to remind herself that it was stupid. He’d moved on with the kitten claw sign woman. She needed to find a way to move on too.

She’d shrugged at Grainger when he asked, “Oh you know, here and there…” she said awkwardly.

Mackey opened the ambo door and poked her head out, “You coming? I’m starting to understand why you hate clowns so much, Chuckles will not stop staring at me.”

Sylvie shot her a sympathetic smile, “I’m coming.”

Mackey quickly glanced at Grainger before looking back at Sylvie and giving her knowing eyes. Sylvie then remembered what Mackey had said to her at Molly’s;

“Girl, clearly you need to get out and have some fun on your own.”

Sylvie closed the doors behind Mackey. Maybe this was her chance to have some fun. Maybe this was what she needed to forget about Matt Casey. A fun night out with a handsome firefighter.

Though, if he turned out to be a jerk, she was swearing off firefighters for good.

“Hey uh—” she began as she turned back to Grainger. “Do you fancy grabbing a drink tomorrow? I mean, it’s not a big deal, I’ll just be at Molly’s and maybe you could join. No pressure.” She rambled as he smiled at her.

“Yeah, yeah that sounds good.” He agreed with a nod. “I will see you tomorrow night PIC Brett.”

“Great. See you then.”

And that is how she got here.

At Molly’s, sitting with Grainger, mad as hell.

It had nothing to do with Grainger. He seemed like a nice, sweet guy.

But it had everything to do with Matt Casey.

From the moment they sat down at the bar, his eyes hadn’t left Grainger’s back. He was shooting daggers through the guy and Sylvie could see his jaw clench and his knuckles turn white from gripping his beer bottle too tightly – and it only got worse every time Grainger nudged her hand or her leg or any time he made her laugh.

Maybe Molly’s wasn’t the best location for this, but the whole thing was maddening. She could date whoever she wanted, wherever she wanted, and Matt couldn’t do a damn thing about it. He made his choice, and it wasn’t her, so he had to live with that. Besides, he was dating too and Sylvie said and did nothing. She just got on with things.

Though silently, her heart hurt was hurting, but she could never admit that out loud.

She put up with the jealous staring for an hour, but then she heard Matt obnoxiously scoff at Grainger telling her all about an heroic save he made the other day – and she snapped.

“Would you – would you excuse me for just a minute?” she asked, in the middle of Grainger’s story no less.

“Uh – yeah, yeah.” He said, a little taken a back by the timing of her request. She felt terrible, but she just couldn’t do this anymore. She slipped off her bar stool and stormed over to Matt’s table where he was sitting with Severide, Cruz and Gallo.

“Can I talk to you?” she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest, ignoring the wide eyes that were being sent her way by the rest of the table who were surprised by her abruptness.

“Sure.” Matt said as he downed the rest of his beer for liquid courage before following her out of Molly’s.

They walked a few metres down the path and away from the door before Sylvie spun on her heel and glared at him.

“What the hell is your problem?” she demanded to know.

“I don’t have a problem.”

Sylvie clenched her jaw. Matt’s emotions were always written on his face – why couldn’t he just put them into words? She knew he was mad and she was sick of him not being honest with her.

“Yes, you do, you’ve been staring at me and Greg all night. I’m not stupid Casey and I’m sick of us dancing around the tension between us, it’s infuriating!”

“Fine, I was jealous ok? I am jealous. It kills me seeing you out with somebody else.” he exclaimed back.

Sylvie shook her head, “You have no right to feel that way—”

“Doesn’t mean that I don’t.”

She knew it was hypocritical to say that, but what else could she say? Sylvie took another step back from him because she couldn’t possibly put any more emotional distance between them. They might as well be strangers the way they’ve been treating each other for the past few weeks.

“I don’t know what’s going on in your head Matt, I don't know where this is coming from considering how we left things, but this jealousy thing – it has to stop. You lost your chance. You have to live with that as much as I do.” She said quietly. “Besides, you’re the one who went out with Sydney first.” she pointed out. He’d moved on a lot quicker than she had, but he seemed to be forgetting that little detail.

“Yeah I did, and it made me pretty damn miserable.” He confessed as Sylvie looked a little shocked by his confession. “I always do this when I go through a breakup. I try to distract myself with someone else and normally – it does help with moving on, even in the slightest way. But this time? It didn’t help.” He said with a scoff. “It made it a heck of a lot worse. It made me realise that I – I would rather be alone than be without you. It made me realise that I am in deep. I think I always have been.”

Sylvie’s body relaxed at Matt’s words. She wished it hadn’t, but it did. He was looking at her with a deep sincerity in his eyes and she immediately felt her anger dissipate. He was the most trustworthy person she knew and she hated that she was trusting his words right now. She hated that she knew they were true.

He did exactly what she was trying to do right now. They were trying to forget about each other by losing themselves in other people – but it wasn’t working and it never would. Grainger just wasn't Matt. Sydney just wasn't Sylvie. And that was the bottom line.

“What's that look?” Matt asked desperately.

“What look?”

“That look” he said. Her face had softened completely without her even realising as she tried to bite back a semblance of a smile. “It looks like you’re trying to stop yourself from saying something nice or even smiling at me.”

Sylvie sighed and ran a hand over her forehead, “I just don’t know if I want to yell at you or kiss you right now and god, it’s so annoying, you’re so annoying!” she childishly insulted. She had to at least try and be mad at him otherwise she might in fact kiss him. He would rather be alone than be without her – how was she supposed to pretend like he didn't just say that? How was she supposed to pretend that it didn't make her heart skip a beat?

Matt couldn’t help but shoot her an amused smirk. Even when she was trying to be mean she somehow made it stupidly cute. Sylvie dropped her hand from her head and put it on her hip, her distressed expression changing to a deep glare when she realised how he was looking at her.

“Stop looking at me like that.” She demanded.

“Like what?”

“Like you want me to kiss you.”

Matt’s smirk grew, “I don’t think I’ll ever stop looking at you like that.”

“Dammit Casey…” Sylvie grumbled as she looked to her feet, not wanting to get caught up in his gaze. It was stupidly distracting, and she knew it would suck her back in – but it shouldn’t. There was still so much left to be resolved if it ever actually could be resolved.

He wanted her now because he couldn’t have her. But in the long run, he’d revert to wanting Gabby – he’d made that much clear the night of their kiss.

“I’m trying so hard not to love you but you’re making really damn difficult” She confessed quietly.

It was Matt’s turn to be taken aback by her words. She loved him. She was trying not to, but she did. Suddenly, everything he’d been feeling for the past year had started to make sense. He’d been in denial about his feelings. The whole thing just felt messy from the beginning. His feelings for her just came out of nowhere and he’d tried so hard to push them away and focus on their friendship – but it was pointless.

Now, he too trying so hard not to love her, but every smile, every encouraging word, even little glance in his direction – she made it really damn difficult

Matt let out a laugh of realisation. He loved her. He really did – and he was going to prove it to her. He took a step towards her, watching as her body started to tense again.

“I’m the guy for you Sylvie Brett” he said until there was just a breath between them. “And I know there’s so much more to talk about and you maybe don’t believe me right now – but I’m going to prove it to you. I’m the guy for you Sylvie Brett. You’ll see.” He said, his nose ghosting past hers briefly before he started backing away from her.

This was going to be get interesting.

#brettsey #chicago fire #matt casey #matt x sylvie #sylvie brett #brett casey #brett x casey

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canonicallysoulmates · 4 years

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Last week Jensen was on Rosenbaum’s podcast, this week it’s Jared’s turn. Just like with Jensen’s I recommend checking Jared’s out it is for free on youtube, I will be linking to it at the end of this post, and I also recommend checking out his first appearance on Rosenbaum’s podcast.

While Jensen’s appearance was recorded in the beginnings of the boys Vancouver quarantine, Jared’s was recorded a little more recently after the boys had resumed production and when they were starting on the final episode nonetheless if you are looking for information regarding Supernatural and/or the final epis you will not find them here, Jared actually didn’t talk much about the show. He did however open up about some topics including his arrest.

Of course, they are two different people whose interviews were done at different moments in time and who got asked different questions but this had a very different feel from Jensen’s; while Jensen’s felt more interview like, this felt very much like a conversation between two friends who’ve known each other for years....the majority of the time.

Here’s the thing, and some of y’all are not gonna like me for this....while the conversation had its deep moments and Jared opened up about some personal stuff it felt to me like a more open version of how he is in conventions. Which is not a bad thing! But it’s not like last time where he was, imo, a version of himself that only those in his circle might get to hear. There was some fuckery people, okay? There was some fuckery and we will be talking about it.

I am going to put a disclaimer here, just in case, that this post is not going to be G*nevieve friendly. Or friendly towards her and Jared’s “marriage”.

Before we get into what Jared said and talked about, I do want to take a minute to acknowledge and say condolences to Rosenbaum and his family, one of his sisters recently passed away after being sick pretty much her whole life.

I also wanna say real quickly that something that I really like, and I would say even respect, about Rosenbaum is how open he is about things and listening to the intro of this “episode” made me realize why it is that he gets his guests to open up so often; I think it’s because he himself is open about his struggles and his issues and he is free of judgement so if you confess to something stupid he’s not gonna judge you for it, he’s also willing to cut things out if his guests ask him too so his guests know they can talk to him and he will understand and not judge them and will respect their privacy and cut something out if they ask it of him so they can talk freely.

Okay, after all that let’s get into what Jared said and talked about in the podcast. FYI, much like in the Jensen post, from here forth Rosenbaum will be referred to as MR for convenience.

- The conversation starts on what I considered to be a funny note with Jared talking about his infrared sauna blanket which he travels with that is such a weird item to travel with I can’t with the white richness of it all but hey we all got our quirks 😂

- After that the conversation turns pretty serious and deep, he talked about Sadie and having to make the decision to put her to sleep. He was tearing up talking about it, and I’m not gonna lie I myself was crying - hell I’m tearing up as I’m writing this not just because I can’t handle seeing this man cry but because I know what he’s talking about, I know that pain, I know what he meant by Sadie looking at him like it was time for her to go, I know what it’s like to be in that room with a beloved pet as they’re taking their last breath...I have had to put two of my cats to sleep in the past and it’s the most difficult and heartbreaking decision one sometimes has to make as a pet owner. 😔

- Something I like about when MR and Jared talk to each other is that they have very similar personalities in some ways and they’re good friends so when they’re talking it very quickly turns into two friends talking to one another which means the conversation is all over the place. In a good way. They got into a conversation about living in the moment and how social media and cell phones can affect that; I, personally, found it fascinating. I love hearing them discuss their different POV’s about these types of topics.

- And here’s where we get to the fake. I’m writing this post at an extremely late hour but I’m determined to get it up before I go to bed and I really wanna go to bed, so I’m gonna try to get through this as fast as possible so strap in cause there’s a lot of bullshit to quickly wade through in this section.

Jared starts praising the fuck out of G like this man was going for it, he was really pilling it on nice and thick. So, there I am watching this with my eyes about to roll right out of my skull wondering what was up with all the fuckery cause there’s being civil and a gentleman and then there was this when a light bulb goes off above my head 💡: When this was filmed, he already knew she had been cast to play his wife on Walker, he probably figured out that by the time this aired either the news would have already been out or would be announced soon so he’s hyping her up in the only way he knows how which works anyways cause the character she’s playing is his wife and her likability is in part going to rely on people overlooking her bad acting and the nepotism to focus on her being married to Jared in real life cause people love when irl couples work together even more when they’re playing a couple. From what I’ve seen it makes people less likely to call out a lack of chemistry cause then they feel like they’re insulting the couple.

He hypes her up using the same script he and Jensen have used in the convention circuit for years when it comes to praising the wives complete with classics such as ‘i’m never home so i never knew she did so much’ and ‘i ask her what i can do and she tells me to take out the garbage’. Nothing new is added to the script, he doesn’t go into details about what makes her amazing or about “all she does” he just pretty much says over and over that she’s incredible and does so much, if he meant it and she really does “so much” why not go into detail? It’d be so easy of him to say something like ‘oh, she’s always making us healthy meals and trying out new recipes’ which can be backed up by her insta because during quarantine she did a bunch of insta stories about cooking and checking out recipe books like goddamn Jared if you’re gonna lay it thick at least put in the effort even I could hype her up better and I don’t even like her.

It all comes off as very insincere, have y’all ever seen somebody talk about the person they love? You can tell in their voice, in their eyes, some even get a fond little smile. It’s actually quite cute to watch but there’s none of that here, even when he mentions G giving birth there’s no emotion there’s no sincerity, it’s like he’s saying all the right things but he doesn’t believe them. It reminds me off- have you ever had someone, maybe it’s a friend or a romantic partner or whatever just someone who you’re introducing to somebody else or a group of people and you really need them to like this person you’re introducing so you start to sell them meaning you just start singing their praises to an over the top extend as if you were a car dealer trying to boost up their merch? Yeah, it’s like that.

I don’t believe for one second that she volunteered to go with him to Van so he wouldn’t be alone like Jared go to somebody else with that story 🙄

I did have to laugh at some parts cause he was laying it on thick as if I didn’t remember and know that he looked miserable in almost all the pics G posted of him from quarantine right from the beginning, and being all ‘she doesn’t have any time for herself’ well clearly she found some time cause she does her little yoga collabs, she’s had her little photo shoots, she’s done a bunch of sponsored ads, she did her clothing collab with Kohl’s, she started a book club clearly she has the fucking time to do things for herself and pursue hobbies. He also said with three kids he didn’t have time for himself which I found funny because I don’t know if y’all remember this but early on in the quarantine Jared and G did a livestream and in it he mentioned several times that he was using his time for phone calls and even way too seriously said he was handling cabin fever by hiding and letting G handle the kids so....

It’s also an interesting contrast between what Jensen said in his podcast appearance because while Jared tried to make it sound as if G had no time for herself and like that’d be impossible with three kids, Jensen pretty much said the opposite, he said that he and D would sometimes take the kids and entertain them so the other one could have some space to do their own thing, and even gave an example of settling the kids with a movie so the parents can have their own space at the same time.

- Moving on from that fuckery, the rest of the conversation was very deep and interesting. He talked about going to therapy and once again mentions being afraid of fucking up his kids, but adds that he’s come to realize that no matter what he does he’s gonna fuck up his kids anyways cause that’s what every parent does even if they’re amazing. This is a statement that I very much agree with it doesn’t matter how amazing a parent is they’re gonna make mistakes and fuck you up.

He talked about his anxiety and his depression and how he doesn’t like to say he suffers from it because it makes him sound like a victim he prefers to say he deals with anxiety.

This is gonna sound so weird but I loved something Jared said about death, MR talked about his anxiety and he said that his psychologist told him anxiety is always in the backseat and a. that is so true I think pretty much anybody who suffers from anxiety can tell you that it’s always there but b. Jared mentioned that he head somebody talk about death the same way, that death is always in the passenger seat but they become a friend. I know for some this might sound concerning or macabre but personally I think this is the best way to think about death not as something to hate but as a friend who is always besides you and that doesn’t mean you’re in any rush to welcome its embrace but it does mean you don’t fear it.

He said that now a days if he wakes up and doesn’t feel anxiety he’s like ‘what’s wrong?’ which honestly relatable af

And I am paraphrasing btw, this is the cliffnotes version of a very deep in-depth part of the conversation between him and MR starting when they’re talking about therapy the whole thing is very interesting I’m not doing it justice.

- Towards the end of the podcast Jared opened up about his arrest. He said he has no real recollection of what happened, he doesn’t know if maybe he was drugged or just got black out drunk but he doesn’t remember the fight he just remembers up to the point of going to his friends bar. He has seen the security tapes of that night, saying he didn’t recognize himself due to the way he was acting. He thinks perhaps because he has been jumped before that maybe he acted on instinct to fight back. It is not something he is proud of and he doesn’t make excuses, he knows he fucked up. He also says he has not drank since then.

I am very proud of him for opening up about this, and for either quitting or limiting his alcohol consumption - quite honestly I’m not sure if he has full on stopped drinking or if he is just limiting himself to only once in a blue moon cause I do know people, hell I am one of these people, I don’t drink 99% of the time but if it’s a special occasion or I’m just chilling with someone I know and they’re having a drink I might have one or a sip or two so technically I don’t drink so I don’t know if maybe that’s what he’s decided to do or if he’s quit alcohol forever, either way I’m very proud of him. I’m proud of him for opening up about this and for talking about his mental health and therapy.

With the exception of some fuckery he really did open up about some things and I highly recommend giving it a listen/watch because when it’s the real him talking it’s a very insightful conversation.

Inside of you | Jared Padalecki

#anti genevieve #not even sure what to tag this as and frankly #i am exhausted #so proper tagging will have to wait for my brain cells to come back #also yes i am aware it is wednesday shush just pretend it's tuesday cause i worked too hard on this to wait till thursday to post it okay?#when i come back after hopefully sleeping more than an hour we'll start our regular wednesday programming #mine #annianvi

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harrys-reverie · 4 years

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DOG YEARS // Harry Styles O.U.

Part 2: The Bar Cart

a/n: hey and welcome to part 2! this is kind of short but I felt that it needed to be it’s own chapter (in my head it makes sense.) aw harry and colette are v sweet in this one (i love them already). also there is colette’s face claim in the collage/mood board above including real pics from the soho farmhouse. :) comments, likes and REBLOGS are v much appreciated happy reading!

STORY PAGE // PART 1

What I had concluded throughout the night was that this small group of Harry and his friends were just so normal. It was so easy to watch him on a phone clip or on the screen of a TV for an award show and have a false preconception of who he was. After all, he was a huge celebrity -- it’s hard not to imagine him being a certain way. I never could have dreamed he would be the way he is though, I suppose that’s the beauty of first getting to know somebody. As the hours weened late and the clock neared 12 AM, I realized Harry Styles was as normal as any man in a baby chick sweater could be.

I had never been a massive Harry Styles fan, sure if his song came on the radio I bopped along. If I saw him on my Snapchat Daily Mail snippets, I’d read them every so often — but other than that I had no true preconception of who he was and what he was about. I guess that came in my favor because I had no high expectations from him and therefore he could only go up from there. Throughout the night the five of us took an abundant amount of shots and played a few childish ‘Truth or Dare’ games. I found myself taking a shot of maple syrup and pickle juice MIXED — Harry’’s idea of a dare.

This was the most fun I had since moving over here to England, and in the presence of all these ‘misfit’ like personas, I felt at home. There was no awkward beats, shame or egos. The whole atmosphere was completely judgement free and as light as a feather. I talked to everyone, chatting away about California, good food spots, sports and more. I found it so refreshing to be able to relate to other people’s stories about my home state, a place I was starting to long for.

It was fair to say that we were all peak drunk around 12, dancing along to old 70’s hits as well as current ones. Jamie tried to teach us all ‘TikTok’ dances she had learnt from her children back home. Of course the 5 of us tried our best to be choreographed and in sync, but failed miserably. Little did they all know I spent most of my free time perfecting these stupid dances. Of course any videos we took, were never posted publicly...but some did make the cut as a private post to a whopping 0 followers. Watching Harry Styles sing the words “I'm a savage. Classy, bougie, ratchet, sassy, moody, nasty” with a bunch of hip pops was an award winning scene.

So as it reached 1 am, I was near my max of what I could handle for the night. My head which was once spinning was now beginning to pound and that gross dry feeling in my mouth was taking over. I hated this part. I didn’t feel sick to my stomach yet but I knew if I didn’t get sleep soon I’d be regretting it.

“Hey, so do ya need a ride back home?” Harry’s raspy voice asked, reading the room very well. He had taken a sudden seat next to me on the couch, spreading his legs apart and laying his head back fully — complete relaxation.

“You drank tonight,” I reprimanded him jokingly. But I meant it, he was the most plastered of all of us. “You can’t drive, even if it’s just down the hill.”

“Can’t argue with that,” He hummed. “’M pretty trashed still.”

I turned my head towards him, he was still looking up as if he was admiring the wood paneled ceilings, taking every detail in. But when I looked closer, his eyes were shut. His face structure was flawless if I’d say so myself. His jaw looked like it could cut someone, his eyebrows full enough to make any girl jealous, and those floppy, thick waves — it was hard to admit that he wasn’t handsome. I blinked my eyes hard, trying to get out of the small trance I was under. I was drunk after all.

“Well…” I began, “I need to start heading down to my casa.”

“Well…” Harry chirped, directing his attention towards me. “If I can’t drive you back down, the least I could do is walk you there.”

“No, please,” I scoffed.

“Yeah, yeah. Shaddup and grab your coat, it’s about to get chilly out there.”

I knew I’d manage doing the walk by myself well enough alone. The premises of Soho Farmhouse were protected with heavy security and gates. I knew I had no reasons to worry about a swift 5 minute trudge down a hill.

“No Harry, seriously. I’ll be fine!” I argued back, forming a tight lip smile to reassure him.

“Who knows? A bloody chicken could be loose and start chasing you, ya? Plus, it’s my duty to make sure you get back safe. Now, up!” He instructed. “’M a gentleman.”

I knew there was no point in fighting back, he was adamant about it. Plus the look on his face when I obliged was well worth it.

The two of us said our quick fair wells to everyone who was still gathered round the kitchen island talking amongst each other. It might have been the alcohol, but I felt oddly emotional saying goodbye to all of them. For the first time in a month I made what felt like real connections with a group of people and all I wanted was to hang out with them forever. I was bummed knowing Jamie and Jeff would only be here for another week or so.

“Shall we take the wagon, bar cart contraption thing?” Harry offered, pointing to the blue wagon filled with alcohol.

“I don’t even have the keys.”

“Fair enough, walking it is.”

“Thanks for having me tonight,” I spoke tiredly.

“Don’t even worry about it. Glad to be of assistance in the ‘lit’ department,” He laughed, using quotations around the word lit.

“You’re very Americanized,” I noted. He turned his head to me, raising his eyebrow as if he had just been accused of something terrible.

“That’s why I’m back here in the English countryside. Trying to ween away from all that LA bullshit…” He admitted, running a hand through his hair nervously.

“LA bullshit?” I asked, appalled...maybe even a little offended. Although I had lived in Northern California, an insult to one city of my state was an insult to all.

“Yeah, erm, spent too much time there ‘s all...” Harry mumbled. I was almost sure by his tone he was not giving off the complete truth but I didn’t want to push. Harry started to fiddle with his bottom lips, hit teeth constantly biting it over and over. Most likely a nervous habit.

We continued walking along the cobblestone in silence, the click-clack of our shoes echoing through the emptiness of the night. Despite the quietness of it all, it felt pretty comfortable.

“I love LA,” I offered sheepishly. “I mean, as long as you surround yourself with the right people, I think LA’s one of the best places you could be.”

“Well you’re just saying that,” He countered. “You’re from California, you’re supposed to say that.”

“False!”

“I loved LA too,” Harry admitted, focusing his attention back to the cobblestone ground ahead of him.

“Loved?” I asked inquisitively.

He turned his gaze to me and laughed, “It’s complicated.”

“LA can have that effect,” I said back, trying not to delve any deeper. I had just met him today after all, there was no reason for him to trust me with any of his problems.

“I think you staying here will definitely be a big change. It’s about as simple as it gets.” I didn’t want to delve any deeper and invade his privacy so I took his explanation as it was. I couldn’t help but think there may have been a direct correlation with his quick mood change yesterday and his reasoning for disliking California.

“Looking forward to it,” He smiled. “‘S kinda just like, the perfect situation for me. No press, no distractions, just focusing on myself...the music.”

“Mmm, exciting.”

Harry caught my gaze, “You’ve got no idea.”

We began to approach my cottage, the smallest one on the property. The lights on in the kitchen we’re still on from when I left. They were now shining through the windows giving a angelic glow to the darkness of the night.

“No rush to get up early tomorrow.” Harry insisted as we approached the large wooden door. I looked at him excitedly, all I wanted to do was sleep in after tonight and he had just granted me his permission to do so.

“Really?” I questioned.

He nodded his head, “I’ll be sleeping in late too. Bloody tired.”

“Alright I’ll just wait for a text from Jeff..”

Harry cut me off swiftly, “Or myself.” He pointed a finger to his chest playfully.

“Or yourself,” I agreed.

“But don’t worry, like I said, sleep in and uh I’ll see you tomorrow maybe.”

For some unknown reason the air between us felt extremely awkward. I was still a little tipsy, but coming down quickly. I thought to myself that if this was any other guy, I’d probably be on my tippy toes and ready to kiss him, because why not? But it was Harry Styles. He was like my boss, I guess, and he’d have no interest in me. If anything he’d file a restraining order if I tried to pull something like that. I pulled my jacket closer to my body as the air swirled around us.

“Alright well goodnight!” I exclaimed bringing him in for a quick side hug. Harry quickly turned it into a full on hug, giving me a tight squeeze. He smelled divine. How badly I wanted to arch my head up and meet his lips, which were probably freezing. The alcohol just does something to me and makes me want to kiss almost anybody to be fair. Making out with friends whilst drunk was one of my famous traits. It was like he had handed his warmth over to me because being embraced in him I instantly felt warmer, any shivers I once had were gone.

He let go of me and awkwardly stood there, his hands flying into his pockets. “Just want to make sure you get in safe,” He noted, bringing his lips into an awkward smile, shooting his gaze towards the door.

“Oh yeah, of course,” I laughed nervously. I emphasized the key in my hand, giving him a big smile as I twisted it and unlocked the heavy door.

“Right,” He muttered.

“Get back safe!” I chirped, allowing myself to fully walk in the warmth of my cottage and turning to face him.

“I’ll text you.”

“Oh?” I arched my eyebrow at him jokingly.

“Goodnight, Colette.” And with that he turned on his feet, slowly waking back up the treacherous hill and to his abode.

I slammed the door fast, the thunderous noise vibrating through my whole cottage. I rested my back against it in a state of relief and confusion of the encounter I had just endured. Pulling myself back together and avoiding any intrusive thoughts I may begin to think, i decided to start up a hot shower and brew myself tea.

HARRYS POV

I felt weird. I hadn’t felt this way since the night I had met Camille, years ago at a friends party. It was a feeling I longed for, but also was scared of. The creative side of me wanted to embrace the feeling, the broken side of me wanted to steer clear. I knew the girl I had just waved goodbye to depended on this job, I couldn’t just ask for a replacement — plus, I was intrigued. I felt like I was at tug of war with myself over a girl I had just met earlier today. It was a tad ridiculous.

I figured the best thing for me to do was to only call her around when trulynecessary. It wasn’t like me to be this unwelcoming, but the feeling in my stomach that was creeping up to my mind was telling me to be this way. I wasn’t going to text her tomorrow for anything. Colette, right? Yep, that was her name — how could I forget it. A face as pretty as the name. I didn’t say much when I came back into my temporary home, instead I insisted I needed sleep and get a propers nice rest of what was left of it anyways. It was the most polite way to let my dear pals know to fuck off for the night. I loved them all, but I needed to get situated and I wanted space. Time to myself is what I cherished most.

I rushed up to my bedroom, shutting the door and entering the attached bathroom. I neatly undressed myself, taking a deep stare in the mirror. I looked at myself hard, the alcohol was still in my system so I appeared a little fuzzy. I felt older, my hairline was not what it used to be in the 1D days, it didn’t bother me but I had seen some tweets about it. My facial hair was growing in kind of unevenly, this is what I get for wanting to be independent and not have a stylish take care of how I look. I preferred it that way though, that’s how it should be.

Sighing, I went for the toothbrush and started on my nightly routine. I wanted to create a new set of routine now that I was becoming accustomed into this place I’d be calling ‘home’ for the next four months.

After freshening up, I let my body get underneath the cool covers, pulling them up high up to my neck to keep me warm. I stared at my phone that was sitting on the wooden table side. I always kept my phone on Do Not Disturb when I was taking time off for myself. Seeing a bunch of missed calls and emails stressed me out, and I wanted to detach from all that. I let out a puff of air, knowing what I’d be seeing if I decided to take a look at my phone. But the alcohol that was left in me couldn’t hold back so I reached for it anyways.

I quickly opened up the safari tab and typed my own name, something I was never keen on doing. I hadn’t done it for weeks actually, but I knew there was a part of me that needed to see what was being said. Just like that, a bunch of highlights of new articles and my name as well as hers were everywhere.

“Fuck..” I sighed, closing my eyes shut for a second. “Why..”

Camille Rowe, model and famed ex girlfriend of musician and heartthrob Harry Styles releases tell all book — including steamy details of her former romance with the star!

Click. I waited for the page to load, nervously biting my lower lip.

There’s a lot of things we should thank Camille Rowe for — her Vogue tips on how to achieve the perfect Parisian makeup look, inspiring the fabulous Harry Styles Fine Line album and now releasing a book telling us ALL about her old relationship with the man himself!

Details in the book delve deep into her once what seemed great, but now known doomed relationship with the singer. She mentions details of cheating, jealously and what Harry’s really like in the bed. Thanks Camille — you’ve answered all of our questions. Turns out, Harry is just as packed as we thought he would be!

I couldn’t read it anymore, I felt humiliated and invaded of my privacy. Privacy. The one thing I valued most in my life, the one thing I hold onto like it is the most precious jewel in the world. Privacy — the one thing Camille knew was the most important aspect of my life. I grew up in the spotlight, placed under a huge amount of pressure and scrutiny. I felt as if I was made from a testing tube so specially to fit into a mold of a person I wasn’t.

For so long in my life I had felt as if people knew everything about me, even more than I did — and that’s a harsh feeling. I regained that privacy back after leaving the band and learned how to maintain a healthy balance of showcasing who I was to the world but holding back at the same time. It was what made my albums, my art, so special. Making my songs and putting them out there was my own personal invitation to those who listened, to get a glimpse into my life.

I felt sick and the alcohol in my stomach stirred the more I thought about that damn book.I was getting older, and alcohol didn’t clique with my body the way it used to. I opened my messages up, seeing Camille’s name at almost the top of my list of new messages, probably trying to apologize. What she should have done was ask if I was comfortable with her releasing a book that almost solely focused on our past relationship. A relationship that was well done with for almost 3 years now. For fucks sake, I’d always have love for the lady, but she never knew when she took things too far. I finally felt at peace and fully over her, and here she was ambushing my life and swiping away my beloved privacy.

I swiped left on the unopened messages, deleting them before even reading. I had to focus on the positive, that’s why I was here in the countryside after all. I hadn’t answered my publicist since the damn book came out last week, I didn’t even know where to start or what to stay. I wanted to keep silent, MIA.

Tonight with Colette though, I forgot about it all. She was stunning, there was no denying that. Funny too, and a little shy. She didn’t come off star struck by my presence, she treated me like any bloke off the street. Normal. Dropping her off at her cottage tonight, after spending the past few hours with her bloody gorgeous face, I wanted to snog her face off. Was I getting too old to be acting that way? I didn’t want to scare her off though, and that wasn’t really my style anymore.

Hookups and shit. The amount of one night stands from my days in the band were shameful. Thinking back to having security bring girls we thought were hot to our hotel rooms for a quick fuck, was so common back then, it was insane. It was a part of my life that I felt deep regret for, and sickened me to think about. I was young, horny, and willing to give my body up to any girl. Most of the time, I felt awkward. I’d see a girl at the bar in a fancy hotel we were at, I wouldn’t even say a word to her, 20 minutes later I was back in my room, waiting for my security to drop her off for an hour or so. No phones, sign an NDA, show ID of proof of legal age, be my type and bam, she got to be fucked by Harry Styles.

Things were so much different now, I focused more on making those connections, I found it built more of an attraction. The lead up to the sex or the relationship, was now my favorite thing. After years of getting instant sex, waiting for it had now become the best part.

I shook my head, brushing away these invasive thoughts I wanted to avoid and memories I wanted to forget. Switching off the lamp beside me and placing my phone on charge, I dozed off.

#dogyears #dogyearsmasterlist #harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles fanficiton #harry styles ff #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #1dff #1dffupdates #harry styles imagines #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x ofc #one direction fanfiction #one direction fanfic #slowburn #friends to lovers

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tuancore · 4 years

Text

Lost You (Part 12) :

Starring- Jinyoung x reader

Genre- Angst

Summary- It's your choices and actions which made you miserable.

The more you rotated your eyes around the place, the more you realised how every single thing in there held so many sweet memories. Had the circumstances been different you would've cried out of joy, for every showpiece, every photo frame, every furniture, every book had you and Jinyoung connected with the greatest love which all of your friends swore by, standing inside your apartment alone, your form was trembling burning with rage and grief at the same time, the whole place smelled like home, Jinyoung's Cologne mixed with yours and it began to suffocate you. You didn't want to have any sort of attachment with him.

You hated him for that.

When you first told your parents about dating Jinyoung, they grew quite awkward, which only meant hesitation. You took Jinyoung home, with you couple of times which eased some of their hesitation, your father seemed to grow fond of him, as they played billiards and chess together, it was as if Jinyoung's love in its raw form was visible in everything he did, but your mother never really approved of your relationship with him.

"Why don't you like Jinyoung already? Just look at dad, he's so happy whenever Jinyoung's home" You remarked hugging your mother's shoulders as Jinyoung and your father played chess. Staring at them intently, your mother finally spoke up "I can see how much you both love eachother, but I don't know why I have this uneasy feeling, I don't feel like giving you to him". Shaking your head you pecked your mother's cheeks, saying "Mom stop worrying, you're overthinking. I assure you that he'll love me forever and keep me happy maybe even more than you guys", your little teasing earned you a light head smack from her, "Hopefully honey".

Grabbing your hair harshly you sobbed harder with each passing second, only if you listened to your mother, you wouldn't be standing here like a bloody mess. Your heart was already ripped apart and now your soul was also starting to give up. Striding towards the windows, you tugged onto the curtains harshly as they landed on the floor with a thud, along with the curtain rod, then striding towards the television you pushed it from the tabletop another harsh sound joining the air.

You hated him for that.

"Why! Why! Why! Just why Jinyoung why?! You promised that you'll love me more than yourself! You promised to always put me first!" You punched the wall beside, with every word, ranting to particularly no one, as your knuckles bled painting the beige wall red, "You promised me......then why?".

Despite your bleeding hand, you started taking out every single photo frame from that wall, throwing it somewhere across the room. The place echoed with the noise of breaking and shattering of glasses as frames and showpieces landed harshly on the floor. Rage was all that filled your mind at the moment. Throwing and breaking things wouldn't turn back things to the way they were, but you wanted to destroy every single thing that reminded of your love for him, you wanted your tears to stop flowing for him when he wasn't even worthy to be cried over.

You hated him for that.

Trashing the entire living room, you locked yourself in the bedroom. Reminiscing all over again, staring at the bed where you both spent countless nights loving eachother under the sheets with both of your bodies and souls as one, the times when you both had pillow fights just to win a stupid argument. Yes, you both argued most of the time over nonsensical and useless things but never seriously. Never.

Not to forget those reading sessions, whenever it came to reading books it was a constant for you to occupy the centre of bed either laying on your stomach or on your back, with your spectacles on while Jinyoung liked reading sitting on his beanbag with a vanilla latte or a cup of coffee in his hand, a black squared frame sitting on his nose bridge firmly making him look more handsome. It used to go well for few hours but after you both have satisfied your reading pleasure, you both used to exchange glances at eachother throught the pages of the book to make sure the other one is also done reading and when one puts off their spectacles then it's over.

You hated him for that.

Coming to the kitchen, it was another sweet little thing that you both enjoyed dearly. It was a rule that Jinyoung set up that the one who comes home early will cook the meals, since the one coming late might be exhausted as hell, and whenever you both were late, you guys ordered for a take out. However, mostly it was you both cooking together, no matter who was cooking and who was volunteering, you both couldn't help but keep on brushing past eachother making sure to have some physical contacts.

"I don't know how to bake a cake" You whined, reluctantly putting on the apron. Jinyoung chuckled tying your apron behind your back guiding you to mix the batter, but when you started to mix it, he stood behind you so close that you were able to feel his hot breath fanning your neck, "Angel..slow down.." he whispered darkly, placing his lips on your neck, "Jinyoung...." Suppressing a moan, you pushed him off, "Go prepare other things".

After setting the batter into the mould, you both waited patiently but you being you grabbed a handful of white flour throwing it on Jinyoung, laughing your stomach out you remarked "Your hair is finally dyed to...white...let me click a pic and send it to others". Jinyoung gave you a jokeful glare, grabbing some flour too, he chased you around the house, hugging you closely to him putting flour in your head, "Now yours white too, let's send them our pic with #couplegoals".

Thinking of every moment you both shared there was way too many, that you can never forget even if you gave it your all.

You hated him for that.

Your gaze shifted towards the balcony, it was where you both discussed about your days over a cup of coffee or hot chocolate after an exhausting time at works, how his father always stuffed him with contracts and clients, how your boss nagged you for not being fast enough to complete your work. The times when you stressed over things and he back hugged you peppering your necks and shoulders with kisses which always began innocently but ended up in bed.

There was something about his touch, his words which always lured you to him. The way he gently placed you on bed, before stripping you to nakedness before his eyes, which never spoke hunger for your body but always love and affection, the way he always asked for your consent before making love to you even if he had done it thousands of time before, he was always respectful. During sex, he always cared about your comfort first, he always put you first focusing on your release before his, he liked doing it slow and passionately to show how much he was in love with you and not to forget the "I love you's" You both let out moaning at the feeling as your bodies became one. Over the time, you got so accustomed to his touch and presence that he could have you writhing under without putting any efforts from his side.

You hated him for all the times he sweetly whispered those "I love you's" in your ears.

You hated him for everything.

__________

Jinyoung gasped at the news of your miscarriage, he wanted to cry his out but then again it's what he has been doing for the past few hours. Even his tears can't bring back the child, the evidence of your love for eachother, it was too late now, way too late. BamBam nodded at Jinyoung finally letting hot tears spill from his eyes for the first time after he entered into Jinyoung's cabin.

Nobody dared to speak a single word, how could they when none of them had any particular words left to say. But there was one common sentence running through all six of theirs heads was 'Everything is over'. Heart was not only bleeding but souls and minds were ripping apart as well, they all felt like losing some battle at the last after fighting it with a silver armour.

Even one could see BamBam falling apart, the one who fought for you and Jinyoung with the world just to give you both the same love back. No one saw him crying before, until now. Somehow he blamed the misfortune of you losing the baby on himself.

"Only....If....I didn't let Noona talk to Jisoo and neither had she run away like that.....and...." BamBam's voice getting inaudible, his throat tying. Yugyeom hugged BamBam stroking his back, trying to soothe some of his pain although he knew it was useless, "BamBam.....don't blame yourself, please don't.....you only meant good for noona from the start.....so please....." Yugyeom whispered closing his own eyes shut to prevent his tears from falling.

"It's all my fault......" Jinyoung whispered covering his entire face, "No one is responsible for any of this..... except for me...". Though it was true that Jinyoung was the sole reason behind all these mishappens, he was already drowning in remorse and others didn't want to scold him any further, what would they even gain by scolding him or lecturing him or making him feel the worst person in this entire planet, Will you get your same love back? No. Will you get your child back? No.

"I want to see her...." Was all he managed to cough out, somehow keeping his tears at bay. It was understandable, you both will always be deep rooted in eachother's heart. Whenever Jinyoung did something to hurt you it also hurt him but he loves you and that can never be altered. He was a fool to not to clarify things with you but he always felt sick without you around. He even started to hallucinate you everywhere, in his cabin, in his car, even when he slept he imagined you hugging him, he loves you, but it's his insecure nature which made him lose your love and the child.

"I don't think it's a good time to meet—" JB started with hesitation but BamBam cut in, removing Yugyeom's arms from his body, "I'll take you there".

"But BamBam!" Mark reasoned, BamBam shook his head in denial not wanting to hear any of there theories, "It's best if they both just talk everything out, right now", BamBam completed, putting his phone inside his pants pocket, he grabbed Jinyoung's arm firmly pulling him outside, with others following behind.

"BamBam things will get pretty ugly, Do you think they can just chit chat about what happened?" Jackson belted, as if BamBam was high on thin air. "I know what I'm doing and please.....I don't have any strength left in me to prolong things....".

"Hyungs, Yugyeom....Go home, get some rest, it's better if they talk alone without anyone around" BamBam blurted with a knowing look, hoping for everyone to understand as they nodded.

"BamBam—" Jinyoung called, which BamBam decided to ignore, "Hyung... if I'm helping you that doesn't mean I've forgiven you......nor will I anytime soon", he sternly announced, stepping on the gas pedal.

Jinyoung immediately shut his mouth, staring outside of the window, the sky has already darkened as street lights shone brightly, his mind drifted off to you, how much you loved the night views.

Jinyoung laid lazily on the couch with,'To Kill A Mockingbird',one of his favourite books in his hands reading it with great concentration,on the other hand you were getting crazy as he is reading that book for three hours straight, sitting on the centre table you tapped your feet impatiently.

"Jinyoung...Enough of reading~~" You whined, pouting like a kid but yet he ignored it by reading the lines out aloud. Letting out a groan, you snatched his book running around the house, it was finally his turn to groan,"Give me my book".

"No...you'll get your book when we'll get some ice cream together!",Sighing he agreed.

He was about to take his car when you pleaded him to go on a bike,you hugged his waist tightly sitting behind him, resting your head on his broad back inhaling the evening air. Jinyoung smiled widely, everything you did made him realise how much in love he was with you. The whole ride you kept on hugging him, staring at the lights hung on trees and railings, so beautiful.

After getting the ice cream, you both played in the snow which was gathered in the amusement park, "Nyoung...I just love night time, so cold yet the environment is so warm it gives off so much happiness!" Squealing you threw a snowball at him. "Yeps..with you I feel that happiness" he smiled, dusting off snow from him, placing his lips on your plump ones, he whispered, "I love you".

"I love you more".

Retrieving to the reality, Jinyoung asked hesitantly, "Do you think she'll forgive me?", "To be honest, I have no idea, it's upto her now, you can only hope for the best...." BamBam replied, pulling the car in the parking lot.

When Jinyoung noticed that it was both of yours shared apartment his eyes widened, he stared at BamBam as to why he has brought him here. "I told you I'll take you to Noona..." He muttered getting out of the car.

"She's here...?" Jinyoung tried to reconfirm, "Are you sure?..". Taking the elevator to the desired floor, Jinyoung's body began to tremble real bad, his face got pale as soon as the elevator came to a halt.

"Lisa herself dropped Noona here" BamBam informed, pushing Jinyoung towards the main door, "I won't go inside..... All the best", chills ran through his body, beads of cold sweats forming on his forehead, he tried to open the door but it was locked from inside luckily he had his key with him. Shooting a final glance at BamBam he pushed open the door.

His body freezing at the mere sight of the house, everything completely destroyed. The wall where he hung both of yours pictures all trashed, glass splattered everywhere on the floor, his eyes after scanning each and every part stopped at the red stains on the picture wall, hesitantly walking towards it, he saw fresh blood with your hand marks. Tears rolled down his eyes, not only did he break you but also shattered you completely to debris.

However finding the door to both of your bedroom's locked, he hurried trying to push it open, but stopped since it was locked. Pressing his ears to the door he tensed at your loud sobs and whimpers, hearing your voice your pain and disappointment was visible. And it ripped Jinyoung's heart.

"I HATE YOU PARK JINYOUNG!!!!" You yelled in a high pitch, which made Jinyoung cry listening to so much hate for him.

"I'M SORRY ANGEL!!" He let out a loud whimper making sure you hear him, "I AM SO SO SO SORRY".

Part 11 // Part 12 // Part 13

______________________________________

#got7 imagines #got7 jinyoung #got7 x reader #jinyoung imagines #got7 angst #got7 bambam #got7 jackson #got7 jaebeom #got7 mark #got7 youngjae #got7 yugyeom #jinyoung angst #jinyoung au

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malopascal · 4 years

Text

Misery

Warning(s): crying, language, mention of alchol

A/N: This was inspired by this post

No words left Pedro’s parted lips as he softly panted, his eyes still staring down at the picture displaying on his phone. The gut-wrenching pain that he felt swell up in his chest was indescribable. He could barely feel his heart beating while tears slowly blurred his vision.

He knew very well that you were faking a smile, but the fact that you had decided to hurt him by going out with your ex and being photographed was more than enough to put the Chilean actor in a state of shock, pain, jealousy and anger.

He finally was able to blink and lock his phone, the image already burned in his brain. His phone was tossed onto the couch without a care while he slowly stood up from the couch and proceeded into pacing up and down his living room. His hands ran roughly through his delicate and silk hair before gripping the ends tightly, the stress and pain killing him.

He had so many questions.

Were you really considering getting back together with your ex while the two of you were on a break?

Did you reach out to him first?

Was Pedro nothing but a backup plan until your ex had his shit figured out?

The poor actor let out a frustrated groan as he stilled in the middle of the room, his breath shaky and the tears finally cascading down his handsome face. He couldn’t believe what was happening, the betrayal broke his heart.

When you had demanded a break from your relationship due to the constant fighting, he thought that you’d use the time to sit back and clear your mind. None of you could explain why the two of you couldn’t have a normal conversation without turning it into a screaming match. The reason why was because you were so focused on yelling and provoking each other that you didn’t bother to get to the bottom of your issues.

You didn’t give each other enough space and time to process every single disagreement through. Your work and inner pressure of having to be perfect had gotten the best of you, which resulted in the two of you becoming each other’s emotional punching bag. What had been a beautiful three-year relationship had now turned into bad one really quick. The love was still there though, it was just when the two of you were angry at each other, the whole world had to crash and burn to ashes.

If you hadn’t demanded a break, Pedro would’ve asked for it. You were the love of his life, but the two of you needed to fix your personal issues by yourselves. Not by constantly lashing out on each other. He wanted to marry you, expand your family of two with kids and spend the rest of his life with you.

But never would he have thought that two months into your break, you’d go back to your ex and humiliate him in front of the whole world. He didn’t know how you were doing as you refused to answer his texts and calls, which quickly resulted in him drinking his pain away. His friends and family had found him plenty of times passed out cold on the floor or in his bathtub with a bottle of Whisky or a dozen cans of beer in his grasp.

Their hearts were breaking for him.

The picture he just had seen was a few days old. Pedro was never a slave to his smartphone and caught onto the news way too late. If he hadn’t been bombarded with all the urgent texts from his siblings, he never would’ve opened the Instagram app and tumble upon the pictures of you and your ex.

How could someone be so cruel?

He thought that you loved him just as much as he loved you. Not ever did you shut him down when he talked about your future as a couple, hell, you even gave him the most beautiful smiles and answers whenever he jokingly called you Mrs. Pascal. The endless hours where the two of you gave your all into making your relationship work, all the hugs and kisses you shared…All the times you made sweet, passionate or rough love to each other… now felt like it was being flushed down the toilet.

Pedro felt his stomach churn in great stress and discomfort. He bent down and placed his hands on his knees for support as he really thought that he was about to throw up the few drinks and small dinner he had. Tonight, was actually the only night he was able to keep the alcoholic drinks to a minimum and consume some food without his stomach being in tight knots. He really thought that tonight was actually a decent night as he also had showered and changed into a fresh pair of sweats and his favorite t-shirt, his skin and hair moisturized and smelling great.

The other days, his sister and brother had to force him to down a few bites of the food they had brought or cooked for him while trying to keep him away from the alcohol, their remarks of his unpleasant body odor didn’t even make him blink as he didn’t care about how he looked or smelled.

He was finally getting back on his feet again but then this shitshow had to happen.

“I-I can’t take this anymore” Pedro hissed to himself, the anger and jealousy bubbling up in his stomach. All he could think about was you, he needed clear answers, needed to know your motives and whether the two of you were officially broken up or not.

So without a further thought, he regained his posture and snatched his car keys from the small coffee table before stomping his way out of his house.

~~~

A loud sigh left your lips as you stared up at the ceiling of your bedroom. It was one a.m. but you still couldn’t sleep, the guilt of your recent actions leaving you with temporary insomnia. “Fuck” you groaned out loud and sat up in your bed, your eyes clenching shut for a few seconds as you felt absolutely disgusted with yourself.

Just an hour ago, you had blocked your ex on your phone and social media. Yes, the ex you had gone out with a few days ago. It was just for lunch but it was awkward as hell and you a got fresh reminder of why you had broken up with him in the first place. But you just had been sick and tired of hurting and being in suspense of whether Pedro still wanted to be with you or not that you had decided to let your pettiness and insecurities get the best of you.

You knew that it would only take a few days for him to see the pictures and hopefully feel as miserable as you were.

“Shit!” you hissed out and jumped out of bed, being hit with a wave or reality; Why in the hell did you even go out of your way to put up this stupid act when you refused to even let Pedro know how you were doing?

That man loved you to the core but instead of owning up to your past mistakes and contribution to the toxic circle your relationship ended up turning in to, you thought that being childish would solve everything and put you out of your misery.

Boy, were you wrong.

Tears filled your eyes as you felt so ashamed and disgusted by yourself. You had turned yourself into a monster and now the whole world had seen you make a fool out of yourself. You didn’t have to grab your phone and go on Instagram to know that people already were calling you a slut for jumping from Pedro right back into the arms of your ex.

You wished that you could go back in time and prevent yourself from sending your ex a text message that resulted in the two of you going out for lunch. The lunch itself was just bad and awkward, the narcissistic bastard happily voiced how he knew that “you’d run back to him” once realizing that “you needed him”.

Your stomach was in tight knots and you could barely swallow down the food while having to listen to him brag about all the other people he’s dated, even adding that you were “nothing compared to them”. Your stupid pride however prevented you from standing up, giving him the smack of a lifetime (something he really deserved) and leaving the place with the tiny bits and pieces of what were left of it.

Instead, you made yourself look like a bigger clown and pretended to enjoy the insults and useless information your ears were polluted with. You left the restaurant with the biggest, fakest grin on your face while holding onto your ex’s shoulders, trying to get to your car as quickly as possible. The second you hopped in it, you had noticed the paparazzis and knew that your idiotic plan had succeeded.

Ever since arriving home, the guilt started to eat you alive and resulted in you lying down in your bed since the late afternoon. Your stupid ex had the nerve to text you to let you know that he was horny and wanted some sexy pics of you. That text alone got him permanently blocked from your phone, social media accounts and life.

“I’m such an idiot” you cried to yourself, the room filling up with your sobs as you plopped back down at the edge of your bed. You knew that Pedro was somewhere hurting because of you, the mere thought of him in pain causing your heart to painfully clench in your chest.

You tried to calm down, even your breath while wiping the thick tears off your face. You needed to redeem yourself, let Pedro know that you loved him and hoped that he’d be able to forgive your petty and childish behavior.

“[Y/N!]”.

The loud call of your name startled you as your heart skipped several beats before pounding loudly against your ribcage. “Pedro” you whispered to yourself before slowly standing up and staring at the door.

The loud stomping of his footsteps approached your bedroom and you couldn’t help but freeze on the spot. You didn’t know what to do, you hadn’t prepared for this, but a part of you was excited that you’d get to see the man you loved so much again.

When the door to your bedroom finally opened and the love of your life was standing a few feet away from you, fresh tears cascaded down your cheeks again. He looked as handsome as always, but the stress and pain radiating off him was also instantly caught your eyes. His hair was a tousled mess and he was panting loudly while staring right back at you. His eyes penetrating yours so intensely, you started to feel shy under his gaze.

Seconds went by while the tension thickened in the room. A talk was overdue and you didn’t have the courage so initiate it.

“Why, [Y/N]?” Pedro finally asked, his voice calm but the anger still shadowing in the back. He swallowed hard while you slowly parted your lips.

“I-I-“

“Why?!” your boyfriend repeated louder, making you jump in surprise but also making you come to your senses.

“Because I wanted to make you feel as miserable as I am” you finally confessed, seeing him shake his head in pure disappointment. “So” he began and approached you, “You thought that hurting and humiliating me in front of the whole world would seal the deal?”.

Your stomach churned in shame and guilt as you avoided his now angered and pained glare. Your toes were suddenly very interesting to look at as you were being confronted.

“I-I didn’t know what to do…I was afraid and anxious that you didn’t want me anymore…That this break would make you realize that you didn’t wanted to stay with me…” soft sniffles left your nose.

You swallowed the last pieces of your pride and lifted your head, looking straight into Pedro’s eyes. “And instead of actually answering my texts and calls, you just jumped to that conclusion huh?”.

His words were cold like ice, his jaw was tensed as he waited for your response. “I-I’m sorry” you whispered weakly, exhausted and so over the thick cloud of pain and stress that was settled deep in your chest. Words couldn’t describe how sorry you were for having changed into this anger driven person that only sought out to seek revenge, focusing on the negative feelings instead of the positive ones.

“You hurt me” Pedro sighed, his expression changing from angered to pained and tired. You saw the dark rings he had under his eyes, silently concluding that he wasn’t sleeping well.

“

Scream how much I love you but also how much you’ve hurt me, [Y/N]”. Your heart painfully clenched in your chest as you threw your arms around his shoulders and buried your head in the crook of his neck, his delicate scent filling up your nostrils and making you realize how much you actually missed your boyfriend.

It took him a few seconds to hug you back as his brain was processing your touch. He had gone two months without it and had craved it so much to the point where he almost forgot how pleasant and soothing it was to feel you so close to him. When his arms finally wrapped themselves around your waist, you let out another sniffle before clearing your throat.

“I can’t explain how sorry I am Pedro, we were in a bad place and I am also to blame for it. Instead of telling you how I felt, I kept everything inside and just used every opportunity to lash out on you…

Your words and actions hurt me but I had to communicate correctly with you and try to get you to stop the madness and find a solution. Not turn into a petty child”. You could feel the pain slowly become lighter with every word that left your mouth.Why did you make the two of you suffer so much?

Pedro sighed and clenched his eyes shut, the tears rolling down his cheeks as he held you closer. “And I am so sorry for doing the same thing, getting angry instead of taking a breather and gently explaining the chaos going in my mind. Please forgive me, mi amor”.

“I forgive you. I forgave you a little while ago. I need you to forgive me too, my stupid actions and everything else…I don’t like him, never really did”. The room then was silent as you let your words process in your minds. Your boyfriend forgave you in a heartbeat, but knew that it would take some time for him to forget what you had done.

The sniffles slowly subsided, the tension lighter.

“I love you” Pedro whispered, his head nuzzling in the crook of your neck. His soft lips and beard tickling the sensitive skin there. “I love you” you instantly whispered back, your heart body and soul at peace again. He was the love of your life, no one could make you feel so secure and protected and at home. Both of you had some work to do as individuals but you knew that your love had only grown stronger for each other and would be able to survive other challenges life would throw at you.

~~~

Tag list: @pascalisthepunkest @thickemadame @talesfromtheguild @synystersilenceinblacknwhite

Thanks for reading!

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x plus size reader

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sunnyborabora · 5 years

Text

Angel (Jaehyun x Reader)

It was a request and I am so sorry it took that long, I have no excuses...It was supposed to be published for christmas but lmao It’s very long and I hope I did well! The next one should be on Taehyung from BTS. It was also supposed to be published on december, with a bit of luck it will be there before spring!

Genre: Smut, awkward reader, voyeurism, fluff, christmas au

You were kinda a specialist of awkward situation. You were always finding a way to put yourself in embarrassing positions. Which can be finding yourself locked out of your apartment in pajamas because your door closed itself while you were out to take your uber eat order, from developing a sick ass crush on your brother’s best friend. But honestly no one would ever blame you. Jaehyun was, truly something else. He was so kind, since your childhood. He was the one who was taking you for a ride on his bike when your big brother Sicheng was being a dick with you which was almost all the time. You were two years younger than them but sometimes they made it seems like there was a decade between you. Jeahyun was always treating you well, taking care of you, patting your head like you were some puppy. Which as making your heart beat fast when you were 15, but which was annoying you more and more now that you were 20. You had left your house to go to university 3 years ago and you were so happy about it, studying something you truly liked. But it inevitably caused you to be away from your family. You were calling your parent regularly but being busy with work and classes had made you more distant. You haven’t spoken to Sicheng in a long time except from a few texts here and then, asking him how he was doing. You had not seen Jaehyun in years now, stupidly your feelings were still here. So when you were coming home for Christmas this year you were wondering if you’ll be finally able to see him. You had packed the presents you had bought for your family, a weird feeling in your chest. You had quite changed yourself since you left, you were three years older, you had live countless adventures mostly dumb one. « I can’t believe you are leaving me for Christmas, this is real betrayal » You turned around smiling at your best friend. « Girl, you know I have to go, I haven’t seen my family in an eternity. I don’t even know what my brother look like anymore. -Still hot obviously » You gagged at her answer. You obviously knew what your brother looked like, you were closer than what you made it seemed, but no way you were saying to Jisoo. She always had a thing for Sicheng that you could not comprehend. You thought he was repulsing in every aspect as the good sister you were. « Please, don’t say that ew -You can say whatever you want Sicheng is hot. I only you could take me with you… -So what ? You can jump on his dick as soon as you saw him ? -Yes » You threw her the first thing that you had in your hand. « Ouch ! » Even if her favorite pass time was to annoy you, she was still your best friend. And who will pay the other part of the rent if she wasn’t there ? And you remember not to annoy her too much because she was the one who was going to drive you to the train station, and she was totally able to drop you in the middle of the road. « Let’s go we are going to be late. » You caught your train just in time, hugging your roommate for the last time before leaving. « Think about me while you catch up with your hot best friend hoe love you ! -He is not my boyfriend ! -Don’t care ! » The three hours of traveling were long but you finally arrived in your home town. It was snowy and you admired the immaculate landscape as you were not used to it anymore. You heard a loud honking noise looking already annoyed. « Obviously it’s you ! I thought mom was going to come get me ! » Sicheng had stayed in the car, looking at you frowning. « Three years without seeing you and you are still that annoying. -We saw each other three months ago when you came crashed at my apartment » He laughed at you, coming closer as you sat inside the car, hugging you. You hugged him back, happy to see him. Even if he still was your idiot big brother. « So how are things going ? -Mom is ecstatic, she missed you a lot I think. » You knew your mom missed you a lot. Since your dad left when you were in high school, she had taken over herself to make you the happiest kid ever. You felt bad about it, maybe you were just an ungrateful child, and you didn’t deserve such a loving mother. « Anyway, she prepared enough food to feed the entire town, be ready. Even if it never had been a problem, you fat ass. » You hit his arm but stopped remembering he was driving. « Who will be there ? -You, me, mom, Jaehyun and his parents » You almost stopped breathing. « Oh Jaehyun and his parents. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them, damn. -Three years or something, yeah. » You did not ask anything else, Sicheng wasn’t stupid, if you started becoming too curious he would flip you off. « He’ll come in the afternoon anyway, we have to put that stupid Santa Claus and his reindeer because mom insisted. -Good luck » You had missed your mom terribly so when Sicheng parked in front of your old house, you almost jumped out immediately. Your mom was already opening the door, her arm wide open and a smile plastered on her face. You hugged her as strong as you could : « Mom I missed you so much. » You heard her laughed, hugging you back. « Oh my god you changed so much Y/n, what, it has been a year and you had become so gorgeous. » You could see tears starting to form at the corner of her eyes. « Was the journey good ? Not too long ? » She told you to come inside, pointing out that it was starting to snow again. Sicheng was just behind you, your bags in his hands. « Wow, you are carrying my bags, is that a joke or are you really starting to be nicer to me ? -Don’t get used to it. » The house had changed since you last came, but it still gave that cozy and gentle vibe. You felt like home. A big tree was standing at the very far corner of the dining room, still naked from any decoration. « Come on, take of your coat and shoes and come in the kitchen I’ve prepared hot chocolate. » And she did. You found yourself sat in the kitchen, your feet plunged into fluffy slippers. You had the impression to be a child all over again. It made you smile. « You had changed a lot since the last time I saw you ! Did you cut your hair ? -Ah, yes a bit. Does it suit me ? -A lot » It was easy to talk to your mother. She always had something to say, about what she had done, what she had seen, or about something someone told her. « We are going to decorate the tree ! I’ve been waiting for you to do it » She seemed very excited about it and it made your heart swell. You wanted to take her in your arms but something stopped you. You helped your mother decorating the tree, following her direction, putting the little wooden snowflakes where she was telling you and installing the lights where she wanted. « Oh Y/n ! It looks very pretty ! Wait I am going to turn the lights on » And indeed it was pretty. You smiled at your work, admiring the tree. It was way different from what you have done last year, both you and Jisoo being broke, you had found your Christmas tree a trash cane beside your building. You had to tape the poor thing all back together. You were really proud of it at the time. But you had to be honest it looked miserable next to this one. You had to send a pic of it to Jisoo. At the moment you were going to press send your mom called you. « Y/n come here a minute ! » You did, walking toward the entrance door. Sicheng, your mom and another man were standing there. « Here she is ! Look darling, it’s Jaehyun ! » Indeed, it was Jaehyun. The moment he turned around you swear you could fall down, trip over the air and just smash your face against the floor. But you didn’t, you smiled big, trying to look confident walking toward them. He seemed surprise seeing you but it passed fast as he was returning your smile. The more you were approaching the more you wanted to scream. And you were screaming, internally. Because you didn’t know what had happened, you only left three years. Jaehyun was fucking hot, already at the time, during high school he was hot, but it had nothing to do with now. He was the embodiment of that reddit post of a woman asking if it was okay to cry because people were too hot. Right now you felt like you could cry. « Hi Y/n ! Long time no see ! -Hi ! Yeah, time has passed fast » You stand behind your mom like a child, trying not to stare too much. Because if you could right now you would be snapping pictures of his perfect face to look at them all day. Who could blame you. He was so cute, his scarf tight around his neck and his little beanie secured around his head. « Come on Sicheng, let’s do this before it snows to hard » And like this they started getting that horrible Santa Claus and its hideous slide up on the roof. You were sure it was dangerous as hell, that it must slide like a skating rink up there but nothing could make them change their mind. « I am pretty sure Sicheng is going to bust his ass. -Y/n !? Be polite please ! » You shrugged still sure about the accuracy of your words. You were on the living room, wrapping up presents for the family when Sicheng and Jaehyun came back. Sicheng was covered in snow. « You fell down didn’t you ? -Shut up » For the first time in forever you wish your brother had stay with you because now you were left alone with Jaehyun. He took off his coat, and sat at the table, he wasn’t really looking at you and you could understand it. After all you didn’t speak to each other or even saw each other in three years. You were just his best friend little sister in the end. « Do you want some hot chocolate ? You must be cold », you asked trying to break the awkward silence that had settled itself between you. « Oh yeah ! Thank you ! » He smiled at you his little dimples showing. He was soft. You turned around to pour him a cup when you turned back he was looking at you. He turned around as fast as he could but you had seen him. You smiled giving him a cup and as you saw he was just looking at his cup you decided to start a conversation : « It’s been so long, what have you been doing ? » He almost seemed chocked when he heard your voice. « Well nothing much really, I just work in town and everything. I graduated uni last year but you know what they say about having a degree but never using it » You laughed. « Hell yeah I know. -And you would have you been doing ? -Well studying for the most part. I am living with my roommate, and I am working on the side you know, the usual student life. -That’s great, I am happy that you are leaving your dream. You were always the independent type anyway. -Really ? I remember being glued to you and Sicheng my entire childhood tho -True, but it never bothered me to be honest. You were like my little sister », he said smiling. But you wanted to cry. His little sister of course. Sicheng arrived at this precise moment and you took this as your cue to leave. When you came back Jaehyun had left and dinner was ready. The day had passed fast but it also seemed like it was an eternity. « Do you fucking realize ! The audacity ! -I can’t believe he called you his little sister bitch I am crying » You suddenly wanted to hang up on her. « What am I supposed to do ? -You still have a crush on him ? After all this time… -Yeah, why ? You're judging me ? -A little to be honest » You rolled over your bed, stomping your feet like a child. « He literally see me as a child. I am not 17 anymore. -Maybe that’s the problem. -What do you mean ? -He sees you as a child. If you change the way he is seeing you… -How am I supposed to do that ? -Flirt with him, make him see you like you truly are. -How am I going to make this not awkward ? -Just do it, if he is awkward he’ll tell you. And you’ll be able to leave and never see him again » You thought about it for a second, still doubtful. « I don’t know… -Just do it ! You’re such a flirt usually, this wouldn’t be difficult ! -It is ! » It really was but the next day, when you dressed up you find yourself putting on that cropped sweater and your favorite pants that made your ass look good. You had the intention to spend your holidays in pajamas but it wasn’t going along with your plan. « I am going to town, I have some things to buy. -You want me to come with you ? -No stay here ! Your brother is at work but Madam Jung is going to come to deliver us something for tomorrow. » You said as your mother had told you and stayed at home. It didn’t take long for the bell to rung and for you to go open. But it wasn’t Madam Jung who opened the door. Jaehyun seemed surprise to see you, and it took you a second to get your self together and flash him the brightest smile.

« Hey Jae ! What’s up ? » He gasped at your friendly tone, probably chocked by the contrast between the awkward exchange you had the day before and now. « I-I- my mother told me to give this to your mom… I don’t know what it is, is she here ? -No she is gone, but she told me someone would come. Come on in ! » You stepped aside, letting him in. You lead the way to the kitchen, and maybe you were swinging your hips a bit more than you originally would and you heard him choke. « Apparently it’s something for tomorrow. You’ll be there ? -Hmm, yeah ! -Oh that’s the plate for the turkey ! My mom told me hers wasn’t big enough » He was standing there, his hand in his pocket, looking anywhere but at you. « Do you want something to drink ? Eat ? My mom bought stuff to bake Christmas cookies -Oh, I don’t know… I think I should go. » You turned around clutching the plate against your chest, pouting. « Oh, okay no problem… -It’s not because I don’t want to ! I swear ! I have to go back to work, but if you want, this evening, I- I would be happy to eat your cookies, if you had decided to bake some… » You smiled at him. « I can do that ! I can even bring them to your house if you want to ! » He nodded smiling at you, leaving you alone in your kitchen. You didn’t know how to take what just happened. Maybe you were just doing too much. Did you make the situation awkward ? You didn’t think so… But now you had to cook the best cookies you could and that was the problem. You were the worst cook ever, like really. Once you set your kitchen on fire and now with Jisoo being as dumb as you when it concerned cooking. You should probably wait for your mom to come back, after all she was the best cook you knew. You looked for a thousand of recipes on internet but it was a literal mess. You gave up, finally accepting that you were a dumb bitch. « I’m home ! Did Madam Jeong came ? -Yes ! Mom I need your help ! » She seemed the more and more confused as you were telling her the story. « Cookies are easy to make Y/n ! -They are not ! » But it seemed as when it was your mom, everything was easier. « Just put the melted chocolate in the dough, not too much at the same time » It seemed like a thousand years later that you put the cookies in the oven. The one your mom did were round and beautiful. Yours were a bit awkward, one was even looking like a square. « Why are mine ugly ? -They are not ! They are perfect » She pinched your cheeks smiling at you. She was just too nice. When you packed them to go out, you let yours in the plate, still tacking a bite of the square one. At least, they were good. « Did you put on the frosting ? -Yeah, it’s really good ! -Of course it is ! Have you seen all the sugar you put in this, it can only be good ! » You walked in the street, thankfully it was not snowing. The Jeong family was leaving just next to your house so it just took you a five-minute walk to arrive. « Y/n ! Oh my god ! Child you grew up so much since you came last time ! » You smiled at the little lady. Madam Jeong always had been nice to you. She was giving you extra dessert when you were dining at their house, she had drive you back from school when your mom couldn’t. « Hello madam Jeong ! It’s been so long! » You were soon sitting around the table, the cookies in full display, a cup of coffee in front of you. « So what have you been doing ? -I am still studying and working on the side ! -This is great ! Jaehyun told me you were living with someone ? -Oh yeah ! We’ve met in first year, and we connected well. It’s easier to have a roommate », you laughed. « Oh so it’s just a roommate ? -Oh, well, Jisoo is also my bestfriend but yeah » She laughed suddenly. « Oh my, you should tell that to Jae, the poor boy was convinced you were already married or something » You were shocked. When did you even implied that you were in a relationship ? You laughed in disbelieve. « I am not, Jisoo is my best friend really. -Ohh so you really don’t have a boyfriend ? » You had the exact same conversation with your mom over the phone a thousand time and thinking about it you were surprised she hadn’t brought the subject yet. « No, I don’t. -Hey mom, I’m back ! -Jaehyun we are here ! » You didn’t look up right away but you still saw his face when he entered. His jaws clutched as his eyes fell on you. You smiled, winking at him. He almost tripped. « Hey Y/n… -Hey Jae » He smiled blushing. « So what have you been talking about ? -Nothing special, Y/n was telling me about her life, university, work, boyfriends » Did you already mentioned you loved this woman. It was like she wanted to help you, without even realizing it. « Yeah, I was telling your mother that I was all alone -A beautiful girl like you, everyone would be lucky to have you » You laughed shyly. Yeah, it was not what your exes were saying about you. Madam Jeong suddenly left to go to the kitchen leaving you and Jaehyun alone. « Sorry if she was asking you personal stuff… -It doesn’t bother me. I didn’t see her in a long time, I missed it. » He nodded avoiding your eyes. « So you don’t have a boyfriend ? -Nope. -That’s good » You rose our brow and he started to stutter. « No. That’s not what I meant. It’s not good that you are single. There is nothing wrong with that ! Even if you deserve someone great you know, but you don’t need one ! » You laughed, not holding back anymore. « Don’t worry Jaehyun, I understand », you said as you keep giggling like a child. He seemed mortified but you couldn’t help it, it was too cute. « I mean, I am not dating either so... » You turned your head in his direction. Was he giving you hints ? Or was it just an innocent answer ? « Really ? You and Soohyon are not together anymore ? » Your brother had told you they had broke a year ago but you still asked. « Oh, no, we broke up last year. -Wow, I mean you literally stayed together all high school, we all thought you were like, going to marry each other or something. -We just weren’t meant to be, I guess» Thankfully for you. « I hated her anyway », you said not controling your mouth. Jaehyun laughed hard, and you felt embarrassed. You really needed to shut up. « This was why you were always avoiding me when she was around ? -Yeah, that and other things. -Other things ? » You were really not going to say it. His mother called you from the other room anyway, saving you from embarrassment. « That’s a story for another time », you played off, hitting his shoulder with your fist playfully. He grabbed your wrist not letting you go. « Y/n, just, I wanted to tell you, it ‘s good to have you back » You smiled, your heart swelling. « I am happy to be back too » You walked back home with your head full of question. This seduction mission was more difficult than you thought. What was even more weird, was that feeling in your heart, a strange swell that occurred every time you saw him. It wasn’t about Jaehyun being handsome anymore. It was about you loving him. Maybe you were just hurting yourself. « You’re already back ? Was the cookies good ? -Yeah they were, thank you mom. » You didn’t say anything else, still wondering what you were going to do. « Just tell him. If you are correct, he is pretty much reacting to you in like a good way ? -I don’t know ? What if he rejects me ? I’ll die -No you won’t, you drama queen. » You weren’t that sure. You pretty much loved this man. « Jisoo, I gotta go, someone is calling me » Actually nobody was calling you but you just wanted to stop this conversation. You ate and went to your room without more words. It was actually pretty late already but you were unable to sleep. It was those type of moments where no position was the right one. You knew something that could help you sleep but just thinking about it made you blush. Maybe it was the fact that you were in your childhood bedroom, the fact that you were suddenly very aware of the fact that your family was sleeping not that far away. But you still did it because fuck, you wanted it. You kicked off your pajama pants, dragging your hands over your thighs. You lied back on your bed as you started by just teasing yourself with your hand, not pressing to hard yet, just tracing the outline of your labia. Maybe it was her brain, that was playing her tricks, because she could almost feel the heat of someone mouth at the secret sensitive place beneath the corner of your jaw, just below your ear, hands firm around your waist... You thought of Jaehyun. How his lips would taste, how his hands would feel. You took in a quick gasp as your fingertips grazed your clit. You pressed your fingers harder, circling the bundle of nerves, suddenly feeling as electricity was running down your body. You wish they were his fingers, they would be so much bigger and longer than yours. They would stretch your walls so good. You put two fingers inside, and even if you were stretched you weren’t full. You were so desperate, your fingers bumping inside you fast but you were still not there. It was so frustrating. The image of Jaehyun between your legs was making you whimper harder. His dark eyes were watching yours as he was smirking, his tongue flickering on your clit precise motion, his upper lip just brushing against your clit as he teased you more… You came with the image of Jaehyun above you, as you were moaning his name. You slept like the dead and thank you, for the first time since you came back you didn’t dream about Jaehyun. You woke up early in the morning. It was Christmas and your mom had told you a long day was awaiting you. And indeed you had no time to think about anything else than mashed potatoes and how to stuff a turkey, which was terrifying. Sicheng had been helping all day too, which wasn't taht surprising, he had always been a sweetheart for your mom. He had been pouting all day but at least he had been carrying stuff around the house, occasionally helping you in the kitchen. « How many more potatoes do we need to peel ? I already cut myself twice ! -Ohhh poor baby look at this little cut on his pinky boohoo. -Shut up. Mom ! Y/n is being mean again ! » You threw an apple peel at him. « Why are you such a kid ! -I am not ! -You are both children ! » You almost jumped out of your chair. Jaehyun was standing behind you laughing at Sicheng that was still scolding you. Maybe it as the fact that he looked particularly good or that you looked like trash in this very moment but you were strangely shy around him suddenly. « Hey Jae , what are you doing here ? -My mom is stressing me out at home, I thought it would be calmer here. -It’s not, my mom is literally treating us like slaves since this morning. -She just asked you to peel potatoes what are you talking about. » He was going to say something, but he didn’t have the time before your mom entered the kitchen. « Oh Jaehyun, sweety, what are you doing here ? -I was just passing by ! Do you need help ? -Actually, I need someone to drive to the nearest mall and do some purchase. -I’ll go with Jaehyun, said Sicheng as fast as he could. -No I need you here ! Y/n is going with Jaehyun ! -Why her !? Am I an assistant ? -Yeah why me ?! » You really didn’t want to go with Jaehyun. In your mind he would have come just before dinner and you would already wear your cute dress. He would be his usual soft and shy self while you’ll be kissing him under the mistletoe. Now you were peeling apples in the middle of your living room, not washed, still in pajamas, your hair like a bird nest. Jaehyun looked at you and smirked and you felt your face hit up. « I need Sicheng here, so come on Y/n go ! » You stood up like a zombie and walked to your room. You jumped in the first clothes you find which was not better than your pajamas, before putting on your hood’s sweater and joining them in the living room. « You’re ready ? » Asked Jaehyun with a smirk. You simply nodded, not looking at him in the eyes. It was cold outside, and as you were walking toward the car you stopped in your track. « Oh wait, we- ouff » You bumped into something, rather someone, almost falling back, if the certain someone didn’t catch you. « Be careful, the road is slippery » You were pressed against his torso, his arms not letting you ho anywhere. « It’s just, that, I don’t know what my mom wants… -She gave me a list don’t worry, let’s go » He grabbed your shoulders and you both walked toward the car again. You sat next to him, finally in feeling warm as he started the car. You didn’t say a thing during the entire trip, just looking around shyly. « Y/n ? Is everything okay ? -Huh yeah, why ? -You seem less talkative than before. » You laughed awkwardly trying to play it off. He reached for something next to you brushing your thigh making you gasp. He smirked at you completely aware of what he just did and you screamed internally. You wished Jaehyun would have stopped playing with you but he really didn’t. You were being kinda petty because all you did those past few days was to provoked him. Considered it Karma. You came back home to your mom two hours later. You took longer than you intended to inside the store because it was packed with people, obviously it was Christmas day. « Stay near me, so we don’t get separated » he said looking at you waiting for your response. You nodded looking around you as you started to panic. You weren’t the most comfortable with crowded places and you were usually avoiding going shopping when you knew there was going to be a lot of people. You really didn’t want to lose Jaehyun. You followed him around the store feeling useless, because he seemed to know the place perfectly and you were as lost as ever. You insisted into pushing around the shopping cart trying not to roll over people. « Jaehyun, I think- Jaehyun ? » You turned around not seeing anywhere. You grabbed the cart hard and tried to walk away but you stopped maybe you should just stay here to not get lost even more. But you suddenly realized that staying in the middle of an aisle with this many people, actually the lady behind you seemed to start being annoyed with you. So you simply walked away, looking for Jaehyun but not seeing him anywhere. Someone pushed you rather strongly and you almost started crying. You looked around like a lost child looking for their mom but nothing. It was all rushing people and noise.

« Y/n » Jaehyun placed his hand on your shoulder and you almost jump out of your skin. « Hey it’s just me, everything is fine » You wanted to kiss him, even more than before. « I-I couldn’t see you… » He smiled gently. « Don’t worry I’m here now. It’s over we can go check out » He took your arm and hooked it with his while he drove the cart toward the entrance. The drive home was silent but more relaxed. You were stuck in a bit of traffic but listening to some Christmas music. « You still hate crowds ? » You looked at him, his eyes still glued to the road. « Yeah… Still not the most comfortable. I should just work on that but sometimes it’s just -Too much ? -Yeah. -I remember when we were younger, and we used to carry you everywhere with us. Your mom would insist that Sicheng would bring you along. He never wanted but I actually liked when you were there. -Yeah I remember. I would climb on one of your bike behind you and you would carry me around like I was a lost puppy" Remembering had made you calmer and as you looked at him you understood. You smiled at him gently. Jaehyun helped you carry the bags inside, your mother inside seemed eve more panicked than before. Jaehyun left saying he’ll see you in a couple of hours. You helped your mom settling everything she had in mind and you were ready faster than you thought. Your mom was finally able to go take a shower and relax and you intended to do the same. Before that you texted Jisoo, telling her that you missed her and wishing her a merry Christmas. You took a long shower and you decided to play along. After all if Jaehyun had been flirting with you, maybe you should just continue. But being in the shower you had time to think about your day and how, even if you were close to a panic attack, domestic it felt to do things with Jaehyun. You got out of the shower and settled into wearing a little tied black dress That would maybe a bit too much for your mom to take in so you put on a pair of black thighs and a magnificent Christmas jumper that would make you look modest. You did your makeup and added red lipstick. You loved it as it was making your lips look like cherry candy. It was already dark outside and you should probably go see if your mom needed anything before anyone arrived. As you were going downstairs you heard the door bell but no sign of your mother or brother. You opened the door, greeted by a huge rose bouquet. You looked up to see Jaehyun smiling at you. « Hi again -Hi » You let him enter quick followed by his mom and dad. You hugged them both, always happy to see them. Your mom arrived, and they all started talking, visibly enthusiast of seeing each other even if they literally live next to each other. Suddenly feeling out of place you thought you would go look for a vase for the flowers you were now holding. You disappeared into the kitchen but to be honest you had no idea where you could find a vase. Maybe if you putted them into a big bowl or something… « The vase are in the last cabinet I think… » Jaehyun smiled at you, you nodded trying not to stare too much. You might have dress up a little tonight, but he really was looking like an all movie star. His satin black dress up shirt was hugging his torso perfectly and maybe his black jeans were making his thighs look fucking perfect. You wanted to ride them. You shook your head thanking opening the cabinet. Suddenly you thought about something. « Could you hold the chair while I climb on it, I don’t know why it’s that high, no one is that tall in this house. » He nodded as you bring the chair close to the wall. Jaehyun walked toward you and you tried once again not to overthink his presence but it was hard. You put the bouquet in his arms as you climb the chair, maybe arching your back little more than you needed as you were getting in your tip toes to finally grab the vase. That dress was anyway doing god’s work as it ridden up your thighs. « Got it ! » He didn’t answer, his grip on the chair still solid. You smirked getting of the chair. « Thanks for the flowers again, my mom love those. » He didn’t watch you in the eyes right away, but he seemed to regain his composure pretty fast as you were fill up the vase with water. « Do you need help ? -No it’s fine, you can join the others if you want. Sicheng must be there now. » And he left. You joined them some minutes later, after taking a pause in the corridor just to take a deep breath. « Here she is ! -You look great sweetheart ! Come here ! » And you sat down. It was actually enjoyable, your mom cooking was excellent and you were actually impressed by your own work. « The meat is so good ! How did you do ? » Your mom was more than happy to tell how she did and you laughed at her enthusiasm. Sicheng and Jaehyun were talking and laughing while you were not really paying attention. You were trying to ignore the fact that you were sitting right next to Jaehyun, as Sicheng was sitting in front of you, on the other side of the table. You were so concentrated on what your mother was saying that you didn’t realise right away someone had put their hand on your thigh. It’s when the hand started to ride up along your thigh. You looked down seeing Jaehyun hand under the table, grabbing your thigh. You looked at him baffled. Maybe he didn’t realise… But he turned his head toward you raising one of his eyebrow smirking slightly and you understood. He totally knew what he was doing. You tried and move, but he squeezed your thigh making you gulped. It was so inappropriate, but why your heart was beating that fast, and it was not only from embarrassment. « So Y/n ? When are you going back to the city ? » You cleared your throat, trying to regain your componance. « I am leaving tomorrow actually » You felt his hand coming closer to hip. « Really ? Already ? Why won’t you stay longer ? » Jaehyun grazed his finger along your underwear and you froze. « Y/n ? -Hmmm my boss didn’t give me more days off actually. I have to work as soon as I come back. -Oh what a shame ! -Yeah I wish I could have stayed for the new Lunar Year but it’s a very busy time in the city, and they need the team to be complete .

-You’ve always been such an obliging person Y/n, such an angel.» You heard Jaehyun huffed at the nickname. He squeezed your inner thigh harder as you started to shake a little bit. You put your hand on his, squeezing his finger. Everyone was suddenly looking somewhere else and you whispered to him : « What are you doing ? -Nice dress » He smirked cockily and you stayed speechless. The rest of the dinner went well, Jaehyun needing both of his hands to eat, he left you alone. Soon Jaehyun’s parents invited your mom at their place to drink more and your mom accepted. Sicheng came with her and you were ready to put your coat on, joking around with your brother when someone attracted your attention. Jaehyun was leaning on the opposite wall, watching you like a hawk. You walked toward him, confused. « You are not coming ? -I thought we could stay behind just a few minutes. I have something to tell you. -Oh okay... » You told your mom you would come in a few minutes, and she simply nodded, already leaving the house following her friends happily. Sicheng was following cheering with mister Jeong about something. « What did you wanted to talk about ? -Let’s go upstairs. -Yeah… okay... » You went to your room, and as you were entering you heard the door closing behind you. You sat on your bed looking at him. « Honestly, it’s more me who should ask question. What you did during dinner- -Was just teasing you back for everything you did. The short clothes, the flirting, everything… You thought I was going to stay impassive ? » You stayed quiet, not knowing what to answer. « Since you’ve come back, I don’t know it’s like you’re torturing me, hm… You’re having fun angel ? » You tensed at the sudden nickname. « Maybe. Maybe I was just having fun. -Oh so that was it. Having fun ? I don’t think so. -Hm, and why ? » He came closer to you. « I think that someone, might have a little crush on me, don’t we baby ? » Yeah you wanted to die. « What ? Don’t flatter yourself… -Are you saying I am a liar ? » He wasn’t, and you were totally unable to hide your feelings. He reached your burning face with his hands as you closed your eyes from the embarrassment. « Look at me in the eyes » But you really couldn’t right now. « Y/n open your eyes » His hands slided along your neck, but you yelped in surprised when he grabbed your scalp hard yanking your hair. You opened your eyes looking at him directly. « Tell me now Y/n, what went through your little perverted mind ? - I- I don’t… -That’s funny, because those last days had been a nightmare for me. » He let go of your hair, his hand running down your back, the other still on your hips. « First you come back after years, looking like a woman and not that kid that I knew. And I know that you are my best friend little sister but hey you keep flirting with me, and you are fucking amazing. » You were speechless, all you could do was look into his eyes, mouth agape. « I know I shouldn’t feel like this. Toward you. But- I can’t help it. The more I speak to you, the more I see you… » Tears were prickling at the corner of your eyes, and you did what you had been dreaming of. You kissed Jaehyun like your life depended on it. He kissed you right back, his arms circling you as you wrap yours around him. It wasn’t a sweet kiss, it was needy and passionate. You couldn’t help it but moan in his mouth. He started to lead you to the bed, you taking steps back until you hit the end of your bed. He pushed you lightly as you fell into the mattress. « You know what really made me see you differently. Fuck… That night where your brother ask me to go see you and tell you that you could come with us to that party a friend of us organized. But when I arrived to your room » He has joined you on the bed, (staying) over your body, caging you between his arms. « I fucking saw you, touching your needy cunt, moaning my name. » You wanted to die, you wanted the earth to split open and swallow you up. But no, you were still there trapped. « Close your door better next time baby » And he kissed you again. With the same passion, but he seemed to be more and more needy. « So tell me Y/n, why would you do this ? » He got on his knees, looming over your body, a smirk on his lips. His hands trailed on your waist, your hips and finally on your thighs. Even through the thin fabric off your clothes you could feel the heat of his skin. You shuddered. « I-I didn’t do it on purpose… -Oh really ?! Because fuck it really seemed like it. -No I didn’t ! I never anted you to know… -Well I know now » His hands gripped your black thighs and took it off in a fast motion. Apparently clothes had to get off. « I always thought you were a good girl, pure and innocent, was I wrong baby ? » Fuck, his words, you were getting so wet by the seconds. « I didn’t… -You didn’t what ? Was that the first time you were touching yourself while thinking of me ? » Your breath hitch as his hands finally made contact with your bare skin, so cold against your hot thighs. You moaned , wanting more of his touch. « Answer me or you won’t get anything. - Maybe... » He nipped at your thigh, his mouth so warm. You were feeling his hot breath against your skin still so far away from where you really needed him. « Maybe ? Common tell me - When we were in high school, you’re the first person I touch myself to… » He stopped his motion, suddenly freezing. « I-I always wanted to be with you, but I was young and you were interested in other girls, more mature, so I stayed on my side » He gripped your thighs harder, making you moan a bit. Jaehyun smiled against your skin, nose trailed along your skin as he inhaled deeply. « Fuck, no one could compare to you… I fantasized about you- taking my virginity a lot... » He groaned letting go of your thighs. « Fuck, baby you are so fucking nasty. I can’t believe this, such a pervert » Your dress was now rolled up all the way to your hips, and he took it as an opportunity to finally touch you. His hand cupped your mount, his thumb pressing over your clit. You whined, struggling to breath as you were squirming to get closer. His fingers were brushing harder, the fabric of your underwear clinging to your soaked folds. « Your soaking wet… » He mumbled something you can't understand before taking of your underwear and tossing them. « So pretty. Fucking » he helped you taking off your dress, you were now completely exposed, « Perfect » You thought you couldn’t get more embarrassed, you were wrong. « Baby I want to eat you out -Yes, please Jae » you needed him to do anything. Really you would beg. He buried his face between your thighs, his hands keeping them as open as you could. You never felt that exposed but at the same time fuck it felt so good. « Jae, fuck please more -Then tell me baby, what were you imagining in that dirty mind of yours ? -No please… -Y/n, baby you know the deal... » You cried out in frustration. « I thought… I thought about your hands a lot… You would feel larger than my own, I would feel better when it’s you who touches me...Fuck please don’t stop… -Your little fingers can’t do anything for you baby, right ? -No ! They can’t ! » He inserted one finger in and your eyes almost rolled in the back of your head. « Jaehyun oh my god- » You moaned hard, completely possessed by the feeling of him stretching you like this. « Yes baby? » He held your gaze and slowly licked his lips. « Please, I want you, more… -Don’t worry baby, I am not going anywhere » You grabbed his sleeve and tugged at it the best you could, trying to make him understand. « You want me to take it off baby ? -Yes please... - Okay, » Jaehyun’s dimples appeared when he smiled and your heart skipped a beat. He took off his dress shirt as fast as he could and you couldn’t help it. He was beautiful. You wanted to touch him so bad. « Can I touch you ? Please… -Yes of course » He kissed you again, and allowed your hands to roam over his body, « Jaehyun... » and it was a whimper at best. « Yes Y/n. » Nothing came out of your mouth as he smirked. You started fumbling with his belt as you were kissing his collarbone, and he let you do it, enjoying your touch, your breast against his chest. He grabbed your legs lifting you in his arms. « I need you, fuck, I need you so bad. » You were in his arms pressed against his body. You were whimpering, trembling from anticipation. Your heart would explode soon. « I need you too Jae, please » He lowered you onto your bed, his arms tight around your body. He bent down licking his lips biting at the skin of your thighs. « Ouch, Jae » Your words sounded more like a plea than an actual cry of pain. « Want you to remember me, remember this.. » He said. « When you’ll go back to the city » He kept sucking at your skin, and you feel yourself drift off more and more. You whispered his name again and again your eyes screwed shut as you struggled to breathe. « Please, Jae ! More ! -You are very demanding » You whined,grabbing at the sheets beneath you. « But don’t worry, I am not going anywhere » He caressed your thighs, appreciating the feeling of your skin. « Since you’ve been good I am going to tell you what I want to do hm ? » You gasped loudly. « First baby, I’m gonna eat you out, hm, because you must be tired of just cumming on your fingers. Do you want me to ? -Yes ! Please ! -Ok, baby, and after » He kissed your core « I’m gonna make love to you, okay ? Because fuck baby, no one is able to make me soft and hard at the same time like you do » You moaned at that, your heart swelling from all the love you felt at this moment. « Jaehyun, please- » He flattened his tongue, parting your cunt, as you couldn’t do anything but moan. A few languid licks later and you were already coming. You thought he was going to stop he didn’t. You fisted your hand in his black locks, admiring his beautiful face. But it was so sinful you couldn’t look for very long. You cried and you heard him chuckle as the devil he was. It didn’t take long before you were greeted by your second orgasm that left you breathless. You started to become so sensitive. « Please, Jae- Fuck, stop… Too much- -It’s too much ? Hm, I don’t know Y/n, how you're going to do for what I planned after. Maybe you want me to stop ? -No ! No… Please... » He smirked , his dimple showing. His black hair were a mess, completely your fault as you had tangled your fingers in them. « You tortured me since you arrived and I can’t even take my revenge a little bit… -I didn’t do anything… -Of course, you’re an angel aren’t you ? -Exactly » You were blatantly lying, obviously. « You are lying angel… You’ve become so naughty. Who Would have thought. Everyone thinks you are such a cute, shy girl. Do they know you’ve been having naughty thoughts about me all this time. » You were speechless, your mouth gaping, not finding anything to answer. He licked his lips, closing his eyes and furrowing his brows. « You taste so good, angel, fuck » You opened your arms, inviting him. He hugged you, tightly, kissing your lips as if it might be the last time. His tongue caressed yours as your legs parted wide, allowing him to rest between them. He finally kicked his pants away and his underwear. You were feeling him, heavy and hard against your thigh. It was maybe the last time you were seeing him like this, so you made sure to look at him with attention. He was beautiful. Something you'll never forget. He positioned himself between your legs, and you felt his hard dick between your bodies, leaking precum on your stomach. You eased your hand between the two of you, finding his cock. You let your fingers toy with his sensitive tip. « I want to make you feel good too… » He moaned as he buried his face in your neck. You nibble his bottom lip between each one of your pecks. You collected the wetness from his dick and you used it to move along his shaft. «You are going to make me feel good angel don’t worry... » He whispered, grabbing your legs. « I need you, Y/n, now » He brought your thighs almost flat against your chest and you felt yourself spread out for him. « I want you so much... » Just before entering you he looked into your eyes and you saw something you didn’t think you would see. Maybe it wasn’t only sex, maybe it was more. With a guttural groan, he entered you slowly, your breath hitching at the sensation. Sinking down inch by inch, his dark eyes carefully watched yours until he was fully seated. You felt him deep inside you, so deep you were already shaking around him. « Angel you feel so good... »

He was going slowly at first, deliberate strokes, in and out, as a regular pace.But you felt him grew more impatient, more needy. His trust were becoming harder and harder, his skin slapping yours, the noises of your wetness almost deafening. His forehead was pressed against yours, his eyes closed as he was feeling so much pleasure. His hips began to piston erratically while his stiff cock repeatedly dragged across your g-spot. You closed your eyes as your vision started to blur. « Do you feel good angel ? Fuck- -Jae- You feel so good » You wanted to scream his name, but you remembered where you were and you simply whispered his name again and again as you were feeling it coming. « Yeah angel, please, let it go » He kept moving, looking you as you were loosing yourself. He felt your pussy tightening around him. He looked at you, promising himself to remember everything of this night, of this moment with you. He finally had you, and even if it was only for a few hours, he will never forget it, always recalling your perfection. « Y/n- He wanted to tell you something, but he didn’t. Instead, he just let himself go diving completely into the pleasure he was feeling. He whispered your name,as he came. It shouldn’t felt this intimate, this meaningful. But it really did. He laid down beside you, his hand caressing your cheek. You were looking into each other eyes. You wanted to tell him, how you felt, but it wasn’t the right moment. So you stayed quiet, simply smiling. He smiled back, coming closer to kiss you again. Jaehyun had to leave soon after, but before he made you promise you won’t leave without saying goodbye. You promised, your heart heavy from just the thought of leaving without seeing him before. He kissed you one last time and left. Maybe you shouldn’t feel bad about what just happened but you did. Suddenly you weren’t so sure about your departure tomorrow. You kissed your mom goodbye, and you cried as she started telling you how much she was going to miss you. You promised her you’ll be back soon, this time more meaningful than last time. Your brother was waiting for you ready to drive you to the train station. « Sicheng ? -Yeah ? -Could we just pass by Jaehyun’s before ? -Why ? -To say goodbye to his parents. I didn’t have the time last night. » He stopped just in front of the house and you got out. Madam Jeong answered the door. « Oh darling you are already leaving ? -Yes, I am on my way to take my train. » You hugged her, and you promised her to come back soon, too. « Hm, is Jaehyun here ? -No sweetie, he is gone in town. » You wanted to cry. You had no time to wait so you simply told her to greet him for you and you left. « Is everything okay ? You look sad. » Sicheng was looking at you, almost worried. « Hmm, no I am fine. I just- Kinda don’t want to leave. -Well I was not expecting that. » It had always been kinda hard to talk to your brother. Maybe because you were radically different. « You know you can come back as soon as you want. Mom misses you, I miss you, damn even Jaehyun told me he had miss you. » Yeah you definitely were going to cry. « Thank you. -Don’t thank me. You are my sister. » At this moment you didn’t need any words. You smiled at him and hugged him goodbye. If you didn't’ knew your brother better you could swear you saw tears peaking at the corner of his eyes. « Go away now, before I change my mind and tell you to never come back. » You were waiting inside the train station, your luggage clutch in hand, as you were trying to stay warm. You were trying not to think about Jaehyun, and the fact that once again you were leaving without telling him. Your train arrived and you were walking toward your wagon, a strange feeling inside your chest. « Y/N ! » You turned around. Jaehyun was running in your direction. He arrived in front of you, out of breath. « What- what are you doing here ? -You left. -I tried, to come and say goodbye, but you weren’t there. » He just looked into your eyes, and you understood. « I couldn’t. -Couldn’t what ? -Letting you go like this. » You hugged him tightly and he answered. « I wish I could tell you not to go. -I’ll come back soon. -I know. » He kissed you, and you felt yourself leaning into his embrace more. « So goodbye… -Can’t believe you ran all the way here to kiss me goodbye. -It’s not the worst. Sicheng is waiting for me in the parking lot. I am wondering what I am going to say to him. » You laughed. Kissing him again. But soon you heard the speaker announcing the departure of your train. « I have to go… » He didn’t say anything, simply smiling sadly at you. He walked you toward your wagon watching you climb inside. « Good luck with Sicheng. -Don’t remind me please. » You smiled one last time at him before the door closed and the last thing you saw was him smiling back and your departure was feeling less bittersweet suddenly.

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andcontemplation · 4 years

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I saw your pic of Winona and Helena and I was wondering if you could do a short ficlet of maybe young Joyce discussing her fling/friendzone/love with Hop with her older sister cause hell she's desperate about it

Like the sister could ask her out, give advice, tease her about it, they could talk about each other's experiences or Joyce could even ask her for advice cause she's afraid to fuck things up if it gets physical

I'm not a writer so I'm leaving all my ideas here, I'd love if you wrote this but don't worry if you're too busy or sth

Dear Anon -- I don’t normally take many fic requests because I’m such a slow writer, but this one just sprouted fully formed from my brain the moment I read your ask! It still took me a few days to get after since life got busy for me. It also turned out to be about 1400+ words so I’ve pasted below under the cut. I’ll be uploading it to Ao3 soon too when I get a chance :) I’d be happy to dedicate it to you if you feel comfortable dm-ing me your username on Ao3. Thank you for sending it along!

"Hey, you! What's wrong?"

Joyce nearly jumped out of her skin at the disembodied voice that called out from the empty bedroom -- or at least, the bedroom she thought was empty. She turned on a dime, clutching for her heart. Joyce might’ve been sixteen going on seventeen, but she was far too young for a heart attack.

"Jesus!" She gasped at the familiar figure sitting at the edge of the bed. "I didn't know you were home."

"Ma didn't tell you I was coming home for Thanksgiving?" Stella stopped unpacking the small duffle at her feet and raised an eyebrow at her sister.

Joyce sighed and leaned against the doorframe.

"Ma's not even here! She went to Chicago this morning with her new beau."

"Color me surprised," Stella deadpanned, throwing the pair of socks down on the bed in disgust. "Which one? Tom?"

Joyce shook her head.

"Randy. Tom was married."

Stella rolled her eyes and reached for another handful of clothes.

"Of course he was," she snapped. "How does she keep falling for that same old line?"

Joyce only shrugged and toed the door jamb, waiting for her sister to invite her into her room.

They hadn't seen much of each other since Stella ran off at sixteen to live with her boyfriend in Philadelphia, almost two years previous, and as the months and then the years passed by, Joyce felt more and more distant from the sister she grew up with. It was beginning to feel like eons had passed since they would spend all their days together, playing dolls and dress-up in that exact bedroom, performing plays for the neighborhood kids in the backyard or riding their bikes downtown to go try on perfume and makeup at the five and dime.

Joyce was still a little miffed at Stella for running off and leaving her behind with their mother and not taking Joyce with her when she left. It didn't seem fair that she had to stay when she was the baby -- the baby with the most responsibility -- the one who ended up making sure Ma didn't go completely off the rails, dependent on the bottle again or running off with a third husband. The resentment Joyce still carried always made her forget just how much she missed having her big sister around and how much she still needed her.

Stella looked up from her duffle bag and saw Joyce standing there, looking at her with big, red-rimmed eyes.

"Sorry Ma skipped town. I'm glad you're home," Joyce said, meaning it.

Stella's frown melted, and she dropped the clothes in a heap, patting the bed beside her.

"I am too. Now tell me what's wrong."

Joyce sighed deeply.

"Nothing. It's stupid."

"Boys?" Stella asked with a knowing grin.

Joyce sighed again, and her eyes fluttered up to the ceiling, embarrassed at the degree of stupidity she was feeling that very moment. She willed herself not to cry over him.

Stella pushed Joyce's bangs out of her eyes and off her cheeks, where they stuck to pale skin, and gave her little sister a look. But instead of imbibing confidence, it just made Joyce want to cry more.

She made a face and sucked in a breath before letting it all out.

"Karen and I saw Hop behind the bleachers with one of the cheerleaders today at lunch."

Stella's eyebrows shot up.

"Oh. Which cheerleader?"

"Chrissy Carpenter. That bottle blonde bubble-headed... bimbo!"

Joyce glared out the window and across the street at the edge of Hopper's front lawn, the only piece of his house she could see from that angle.

Stella choked back a giggle when she noticed how intensely Joyce was staring.

"Woah. That's some serious alliteration."

"Yeah, well," Joyce grumbled and shrugged. "I'm upset."

Stella went back to emptying out the rest of her bag, but not before throwing her sister a loving look.

"I can see that. But I thought you and Jimmy were just friends?"

"We are!" Joyce finally dragged her eyes off his house and pouted at Stella before trailing off. "It's just that…"

"Oh come on," Stella said and ruffled Joyce's bangs. "You know you can tell me!"

There was another eye roll from Joyce.

"I just thought that something had changed between us this year. Maybe... Oh, I don't know anymore."

Then she clammed up.

Stella walked over to the window, took out a pack of Slims, and lit one up before opening the window a crack.

"Know what? Spit it out, sis!"

Joyce couldn't look at her older, prettier, more elegant sister, sitting there smoking at the windowsill like some french model who could have any man she wanted -- wrapped around her little finger. Joyce wished she could only look so mod and in charge.

Instead, she felt pathetic for pining after the boy across the street.

"Well," she started, flopping back on the bed, finding it easier to confess without having to worry about seeing the look of judgment cross Stella's face. "He'd been acting weird since we went camping this last summer. Then I realized by the second week of September that he was over here almost every night. At first, he said he needed help with his schoolwork because he really wanted to graduate, and since we're in all the same classes, it made sense, right? But by October, he was coming over for the dumbest reasons, and then I started to think he was gonna ask me to the homecoming dance. Like, I was so sure he was gonna do it. A few times, actually. But it was like he chickened out or something."

Stella held up a hand to pause Joyce there, even though Joyce couldn't see it.

"Waitaminute. Didn't you say on our last phone call that Lonnie Byers asked you out that night?"

"Yep, and what a date that was." Joyce rolled her head to the side and looked at her sister with a scowl.

Stella smirked, tapping the end of the cigarette out over the eaves.

"I warned you about him."

"Yeah yeah, I know: 'Lonnie Byers is scum.' But I'm pretty sure we're talking about Hop here?"

"Pardonne Moi! Please... continue."

"So, he seemed a bit distant after homecoming, but he'd still come over to study sometimes, and I'd catch him staring at me. It almost looked like he wanted to kiss me or something. And one day during gym, he told me I looked pretty when I knew for a fact I was a sweaty, frizzy mess. I guess it got in my head because I started to think, well maybe I want him to kiss me. And maybe I like him too? I was gonna tell him this weekend. I had it all planned out. But then he runs off and swaps spit with Chrissy, and now here I am, crying over a dumb boy. Stupid, stupid me."

Stella put the last bit of the cigarette out and moved back to the bed, pushing Joyce's legs out of the way.

"Not stupid," she said. "Just young and in love."

Joyce sat up on her elbows, nose turned up in protest.

"Gross. I am not!"

"You are." Stella chuckled.

Joyce frowned as she slowly realized her sister was right and succumbed to her lovesick fate.

"I am, aren't I?"

"'Fraid so, my dear."

"Cripes -- this sucks!”

"Oh, don't worry." Stella smiled. "I know just the thing to fix a broken heart! Ma might not be around but we can still have fun. What’s say we stay up late, paint our nails, eat our way through an entire tub of ice cream and I can give you some pointers for when you find yourself a real man. You'll be over that silly Hopper boy in no time."

"But what if I don't want to be over him?" Joyce whined, feeling sick for even thinking it let alone admitting it out loud. He was her best friend, since before they could walk, and those feelings had remained strictly platonic but lately, she couldn't imagine being without him, let alone sharing him with anyone else. Especially bottle blonde bubble-headed bimbos.

Stella held her hand out to Joyce and helped her sit up.

"Trust me, sis. It's for the best. Boys like Jim and Lonnie will ruin you for life. You belong with someone sweet and kind, who won't rush you before you're ready…"

Joyce scoffed.

"Boys like that don't exist!"

"Sure, they do!" Stella nodded. Then she had an idea. "Say -- isn't there a Sadie Hawkins soon?"

"Yeah, the Snowball," Joyce said, cluing in, trying not to look too excited. "You think I should ask Hop?"

"No!" Stella sighed. "I'm saying you should ask a nice boy to go with you."

"A what?"

"Think of the nicest, and well... let’s say the nerdiest guy in your class, and ask him to the Snowball. Not Lonnie or Hop! No more bad boys who play ping-pong with your heart."

"No, no way!" Joyce shook her head and dove headfirst into the pillows. "I am not asking Bob the Brain!"

Stella threw her hands up in the air.

"Fine, be miserable and alone forever then. See if I care!"

"Fine!" Joyce shouted, muffled by the pillows before dissolving into a fit of giggles as her sister beat her over the head with another frilly embroidered pillow.

"I'm glad you're home," Joyce said when she caught her breath.

"Me too, sis," Stella said. "Me too."

#anon #asks #fanfiction #jopper #joyce byers #jim hopper #teen!jopper #highschool jopper #winona ryder #helena bonham carter

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bensakindofmagic · 5 years

Text

Chapter Eighteen

A/N: look at how fucking soft he is in this pic, i'm weeping, imagine opening facetime and seeing that face

Warnings: none, just fluff

w/c: 3.1k+

Chapter Eighteen

Filming was tough. The light was sparse in Scotland at that time of year, so everything had to be ready to go the second the sun came up in order to maximise productivity. It was cold and windy, and often raining, and if it weren’t for a delightful cast and crew you would have been thoroughly miserable. You weren’t nearly so close with them as the Borhap boys, but they kept you in decent spirits. The real hardship, however, was being away from Ben. For as long as you’d known each other you hadn’t spent more than two days apart — even when you were barely on speaking terms you still saw him everyday. Your colleagues noticed how often you were on your phone during breaks (and you were sure there were some people who resented what they perceived to be anti-social behaviour), but it was because every time you looked Ben had sent you a dozen messages: pictures of Frankie, a link to a video that he thought you’d find funny, news articles that he thought would interest you, pictures he found on the internet, but more often than not just a message to say he missed you. You guessed that the separation was probably harder for Ben, given that he was the remaining party. You left for a new environment that he had never been in, and while you ached for him often, work kept you busy and there were plenty of people round to distract you. Ben was left with a hole where you used to be, an empty place on the sofa or at the table, and a sudden lack of company (though you noticed on social media that he was suddenly spending a lot more time meeting up with old friends, which made you happy). But at certain moments, like when you were standing in the pouring rain and shivering as the sunlight began to dwindle, you were desperate for him to wrap his strong arms around you and carry you to bed, where he would proceed to hold you tightly until all the chill had been chased from your bones. You felt a buzz in your pocket, somewhere in the great depths of your coat. It was a message from Ben asking when you were due to wrap for the day.

Y/N: about 5.30pm. can’t wait to have a shower i’m freezing my bollocks off

Ben: You don’t have any bollocks

Y/N: well not anymore obviously!!

Ben: Facetime at 6?

Y/N: better make it 6.30, it’s going to take a while to warm me up

Ben: Wish I was there to help ;)

You were relieved when the director declared that there wasn’t enough light and you’d have to wrap it up for the day. Performing your duties as swiftly and efficiently as possible, you raced back to your hotel room and peeled off layers of clothing that had seemingly frozen onto your skin and jumped in the shower. You stood under the water for a long while, letting it hit your head and trickle down your body, warming you up little by little. You thought back to times when Ben would be in that shower with you, and your whole body would feel as thought it was on fire, though it had nothing to do with the scalding water. But the smile that adorned your face at the memory was melancholic, and soon you longed to be out of the shower and on your laptop to talk to him. You made a cup of tea, put on your fluffiest pyjamas, and sat down on the bed to call Ben just in time. His name popped up on your screen with a now familiar ringtone.

“Hey, Benny!” you delighted as you saw his face on your screen, as close as he could feel in the present circumstances.

“Hi gorgeous!” he smiled brightly and held Frankie up to the screen to wave hello with her little paw, “I’ve missed you.”

“What, since we facetimed last night and texted two hours ago?”

“Yes. I’ve missed your cuddles.”

You sighed, you’d missed his too. The long distance would have been okay if it weren’t for how much you ached to hold each other. Day-to-day, Ben expressed most of his affection through touch and you could see more and more how tough he was finding being denied that.

“I was thinking about you in the shower today,” you mused.

He smirked, “Is that so? What were you doing while you were thinking about me?”

You rolled your eyes and laughed, “That’s not really what I meant,” — though the question was certainly warranted, Ben didn’t need to know the answer just yet — “I was thinking about how much I miss you holding me. Not to get too soppy or anything.”

“Well you know how soppy I am, love,” he assured. That made you smile.

“I just miss touching you — not in a sexy way! Although that too �� it’s the feel of you, you know?”

He nodded, reassuring you that he knew exactly what you meant. It hadn’t even been a month and you were both struggling more than you cared to admit. You’d missed your first Valentine’s Day together, and even though Ben had sent you flowers and you’d had a long and eventful video chat, part of you felt like you were missing out. You’d spent much of the early part of your relationship hiding it from those around you, and though you had those three precious weeks to be unashamedly in love, you now felt bitterly as though you would miss the best part of the honeymoon phase.

“So tell me about your day, love.”

You related all the gossip that the day had brought, jokes shared with your colleagues, how someone had to go running off through the highlands chasing a false beard that had been torn off by the wind. He laughed in all the right places and asked all the right questions. He, in turn, told you that he’d gone to the gym (which he’d been doing more often since you’d been gone), and met with a director for lunch to talk over a possible job. He was excited about it: you could see how much he wanted it, despite trying to convince you (as much as himself) that it was early days and he wasn’t getting his hopes up. He remarked how’d he’d sneezed five times in a row which he was sure was some kind of record — you laughed but noticed how he looked a little paler than usual and how he kept sniffing, and predicted that he was about to get a cold.

You accepted the call to receive an image of Ben wrapped in a duvet cocoon with a steaming mug in hand and tissues strewn about the place.

“How’re you doing, darling?” you cooed.

“I’m sick.” His nose, red and sore, was clearly blocked. He was pale and clammy, and his hair, damp with sweat, hung limply over his forehead.

“Mm, I can see that.”

“See? I told you I couldn’t cope without you!” he whined.

“It’s just a cold, Benny, you’ll live. Just drink lots of fluids and get plenty of sleep, okay?”

He frowned, looking remarkably like a toddler who’d just been denied an ice cream, “I was looking for sympathy, not instructions.”

You laughed and soothed him as best you could. As much as you opted for the ‘tough love’ approach, you wished you could be there to make him cups of hot water with honey and lemon, and bring him a new box of tissues when he finished the last one, and cuddle on the sofa with him watching old Disney movies. You wanted to stroke his hair and tuck him into bed.

Apparently he wanted the same because after chatting for a little while, when his eyelids started to droop and his head got heavy, he quietly asked, “Will you sing for me?”

“Sing? What do you want me to sing for?”

He shrugged, an embarrassed smile lacing his lips, “I’ve missed it. You sing all the time when you’re here, the place feels empty without it. I’ve been playing music a lot but it’s not the same.”

You chuckled, and went quiet. You allowed the silence to seep into your soul, to expand inside you and push all the noise for your mind. In its place a melody began softly and it danced off your lips.

‘Looking out on the morning rain, I used to feel uninspired,

And when I knew I’d have to face another day, Lord it made me feel so tired.

Before the day I met you, life was so unkind.

Your love was the key to my peace of mind.’

The tiredness abated from Ben’s face, instantly soothed. Frown lines evaporated and his skin was left velvety smooth. His eyes fluttered closed, calmed. Even in the slightly pixellated image of him on your computer screen you could see how he ached for you, and how your voice helped to soothe that pain.

‘When my soul was in the lost-and-found, you came along to claim it.

I didn't know just what was wrong with me till your kiss helped me name it.

Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for,

’Cause if I make you happy I don't need to do more.’

It seemed the more Ben was dulcified, the more your own agony grew. The softness of him was intoxicating, and it exposed how much he needed you. Guilt flared in you at not being there to look after him, and your own selfish desire to be near him added a sharp longing to your cocktail of grief.

‘Oh, baby, what you've done to me,

You make me feel so good inside.

And I just want to be close to you,

You make me feel so alive.’

His head got heavy, his shoulders relaxed as he leaned back on the sofa, and slowly you saw sleep settling weightily over his features. You indulged yourself by watching him for a few moments, chest rising and falling steadily as he began to snore, but soon the pang in your chest became too intense to bear. You whispered, “I love you,” into the boundless space between you before ending the call and quickly opening a new window on your laptop.

———

Ben had been feeling particularly sorry for himself. He never coped very well when he was ill (being a frequent sufferer of man flu), but this was worse than usual. For starters, he didn’t get sick very often anymore so when he did it felt all the worse, and he hadn’t been this unwell in a while, and to top it all off, Y/N wasn’t there to look after him. Every morning he’d wake up in an empty bed, hardly able to breathe and feeling like his whole face had been plugged up. He’d drag himself to the kitchen, cocooned in his duvet, get himself some hot water and a piece of toast because that was all he could bring himself to make, before collapsing on the sofa, drifting in and out of sleep, some crappy movie on in the background, and ordering food when he couldn’t be bothered to get it himself. He was pretty sure that you would have been horrified had you seen the state of him — he didn’t like to look in the mirror because it frightened him how much he looked like a ghost of himself — but really he just wanted you there to look after him. He kept finding himself daydreaming about you, whispering soothing words to him as he slept, holding him close against your body. Sometimes he got so lost in his imagination that he could almost feel the touch of you, and for a moment convinced himself that you were there, that you would sit down next to him any second with two cups of tea and some sassy remark. To be honest, he had been like that most of the time you’d been away; he had felt the void of you more acutely than he had anticipated. But this constant state of semi-waking delirium had amplified it. So when he heard a knock at the door, thinking that he must have ordered take-away and forgotten but opened it to find you there with an armful of groceries and a grin, he assumed he was dreaming.

He sighed melancholically, “Y/N.”

“Oh Benny, are you okay?”

Your tone didn’t seem right. You never sounded worried in his imagination, only gentle and calm. His heart started to beat faster.

In a voice that sounded far away, like he was underwater, he heard you say, “Darling, let’s get you into bed. You don’t look good.”

“Wait, you’re really here?”

“Of course I’m here,” you said, ushering yourself inside and laying your things down before placing your palm against his forehead. He closed his eyes, falling gratefully into your touch. Your hand felt cool against his burning skin, and he almost collapsed with relief to have you beside him again. He could see you were worried, your movements suddenly infected with a slightly frenetic urgency, but all he felt was elation. He let you shepherd him into bed without resistance, and drank eagerly from the glass of chilled water you placed in his hands.

You tucked him under the covers, and knelt beside the bed, stroking your fingers with the most delicate touch over his cheek. It made him shiver. His eyelids slipped closed and he felt the heaviness of the past few days evaporate into weightlessness. In those few hazy moments before sleep overtook him, still sceptical of the veracity of his own senses, he mumbled, “Will you still be here when I wake up?”

You smiled tenderly, “Of course I will, love. I’m going to look after you,”

You knew Ben was pretty unwell but hadn’t anticipated quite the extent of it. He seemed to be delirious, and the glassy look in his eyes made you wonder if he ever knew you were there. He was burning up when you tested his temperature, so you got him some water and sent him to bed. It broke your heart a little to shut him off in the bedroom as soon as you had reunited with him after missing him so deeply, but it broke your heart more to see him so sick, reduced to a shadow of himself. You kept yourself busy while he slept, walking Frankie, cleaning the apartment which had unsurprisingly fallen into a state of neglect, and getting a stew on to be ready by the time he woke. Your mind wandered back to him often, the thought of him curled up under the covers like a child. It took all your strength not to climb in next to him and cuddle him until he felt better. But you knew that would do nothing for his fever.

He woke up a few hours later and trudged back into the kitchen where you were sat quietly entertaining yourself on your phone. He’d thrown a hoodie on, pulled up over his head with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

“Hi gorgeous,” you beamed, standing to meet him. He looked better already; his eyes were less puffy and some of the colour was returning to his face.

“Hey,” he said hoarsely, “I wasn’t sure you’d be here when I woke up. I thought I’d dreamt you.”

You opened your arms and he shuffled gratefully into them, letting his head fall against your shoulder. He exhaled, relaxed, while your fingertips trailed gently across the back of his neck.

“I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere until you’re better.”

He pulled back to meet your eyes, searching them for the truth, “Really? Won’t you have to go back soon?”

“They’ll just have to cope without me, because clearly you can’t.”

He shook his head before burying it in your neck again.

“Come on, I’ve made dinner.”

Ben ate hungrily, glad of a proper, hearty meal. You sat at the table for hours, surreptitiously filling up Ben’s glass to make sure he was drinking plenty of water, revelling in being in each other’s company again. It was bittersweet. Despite your assurance that you’d stay as long as he needed, you both knew that come Monday — Tuesday at the latest — you’d have to head back to Scotland. But for the moment you talked and laughed, and nursed Ben back to health. You decided to go back to your own apartment overnight to make sure Ben got a good night’s rest, as well as reduce the risk of you getting his cold. He made you promise him that you’d come back first thing in the morning, which of course you readily did. And when you did return, already making breakfast by the time Ben surfaced, he was looking healthier still.

“‘Morning cherub,” you cooed. “How’re you feeling today?”

“All the better for seeing you,” he smiled and hugged you from behind. You kissed his cheek and he detached himself, allowing you to hand him a hot mug of honey and lemon.

By the end of the weekend Ben was almost completely better. He had even managed to go out for a walk with you and Frankie. He could speak properly again, without his ‘m’s turning into ‘b’s, and his spirits where infinitely raised — until he saw your packed bag, ready to go again, as you sat side-by-side on the sofa.

“When’s your flight?” he sighed, disconsolate.

“First thing in the morning, taxi’s picking me up at 6.”

His shoulders slumped. “You can’t go yet, I’m still sick,” and he coughed lamely, pouting like a toddler.

“Considering you’re a professional actor, that was thoroughly unconvincing,” you deadpanned and swiped your thumb over his cheek. “I’ll come visit again soon.”

“I don’t want you to come visit,” he lamented, leaning into your hand, “I want you to come home.”

“What do you mean, love?” you faltered, frowning.

He sidled closer to you, resting a hand on your knee. He was quiet, eyes fixed on your lap, but when he looked up he was absolutely focused, intent.

“Move in with me.” It wasn’t a question.

You were overwhelmed with green. All you could see was his eyes and the determination in them, their confidence in you. The love and the warmth and the longing made them sparkle.

Your voice was hushed but firm as you replied, “Okay.”

The next thing you knew he was kissing you and your world was revolving. Everything you felt and heard and tasted was him and that was all you wanted for the rest of your life.

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#kind of magic series #ben hardy #ben hardy x female reader #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy fluff #bohemian rhapsody #6 underground #queen #benjamin jones

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