#you could've done it without claws damn it

[y-rhywbeth2]

The most obvious abuse aside, Bhaal's also in possession of a+ parenting skills when it comes to communicating what he wants his kids to do.

You want your child - who has no idea who you are or that they're not simply dreaming - to murder the soul of the Cyricist that they killed this morning using your own dagger and they decide to choke him to death with their bare hands instead? Well, I mean, you could've explained what you wanted instead of hinting... or!

"You turn to leave, but find the exit blocked. The lone dagger has become five: a skeletal set of claws that hovers before you. A talon extends and presses against your chest, and a hollow voice chills the air. "You should use the tools you are given." It traces a line of ichor on your tunic, increasing in pressure. "Listen to what is bred in the bone." There is a flash of motion as the claws push deep into your chest."

Or you could just fucking murder them! Because that's his solution to everything. (Interestingly, if you're being a goody two shoes at this point then Bhaal is significantly more pissed, but you wake up before the dagger hits - but he also yells at you after you wake up too)

Remember; if your father is Bhaal, then do remember that he expects you to be fully dependent on him; that you owe him for everything you are and have; and that you're supposed to somehow understand what he expects of you perfectly without him explaining a damn thing and you will be horribly punished for your lack of telepathy. Wow, this got realistic all of a sudden.

What was life like for Durge as his high priest? Did Durge just have to guess what the urges want and then gauge how hot or cold their guesses are by the way Bhaal murders them in their dreams? (I mean, yes, he wants murder - but Bhaal gets picky about this shit no torture, forced suicide, falls, or collisions and you have to do it personally and it has to be done for fun and-).

[munchmemes]

melanie martinez lyrics, portals edition

❛  my body has died but i'm still alive.  ❜

❛  your words mean nothin' so take 'em back.  ❜

❛  you're always on my mind, i cannot help it.  ❜

❛  i don't wanna be carrying the weight on my shoulders.  ❜

❛  death has come to me, kiss me on the cheek and gave me closure.  ❜

❛  i won't say goodbye, i'm right by your side.  ❜

❛  i'm back from the dead.  ❜

❛  i know it's morbid but we all die one day.  ❜

❛  there's rotten things left in me injected by society.  ❜

❛  i cannot bear my sorrow.  ❜

❛  i hate who i was before.  ❜

❛  i fear i won't live to see the day tomorrow.  ❜

❛  look at the mess i've done, there is nowhere to run.  ❜

❛  like a priest behind confession walls, i judge myself.  ❜

❛  my eyes are staring at me and they seem so damn unhappy.  ❜

❛  collect my fickle insecurities and turn them into beauty.  ❜

❛  yeah, you can look but you can't touch. i'm not just anybody.  ❜

❛  thought the cherry would be better than the pie, you're like that. that's your demise.  ❜

❛  it's obvious what you're after but i'm more than that.  ❜

❛  i saw that trick fall out your sleeve.  ❜

❛  you hum a tune i don't believe and it ain't working.  ❜

❛  crossing my heart, i'd rather die than be the needle in your eye.  ❜

❛  it could've been more, now we'll never know.  ❜

❛  i know how to make you go crazy every day.  ❜

❛  if you wanna run with the magic, lose sight of the gravity of home.  ❜

❛  i've been the boys and the girls and everyone in between.  ❜

❛  you are the light i've been searching for forever.  ❜

❛  my past grew mold around my heart.  ❜

❛  all my anger, sadness, regret disappeared. it's madness. ❜

❛  i'm not used to all this love, it's true. but you made me want to plan out my last days on earth.  ❜

❛  i was surprised to see heaven in your eyes.  ❜

❛  i never once was treated right.  ❜

❛  you're what i'm missing in my life.  ❜

❛  let's run into another dimension, you make me feel like i'm on drugs.  ❜

❛  i wish to not be perceived, i didn't ask for this dangerous visibility.  ❜

❛  i'm feeling too scared to sleep.  ❜

❛  i'm flexing like pricks with their stolen power.  ❜

❛  you're/they're feeding off our highs and lows. curious to see us struggle.  ❜

❛  the center may seem like a gift. once you arrive, it'll strip you of your life and you'll wish that you never did.  ❜

❛  how much blood can you draw with your claws from a flesh that's not yours?  ❜

❛  you used all your words for a quick game and blew it all before you won.  ❜

❛  they talk without thinking and they bark while they're shaking.  ❜

❛  i'll be silent 'til you cross the line.  ❜

❛  don't you battle with my larynx tonight.  ❜

❛  call all your guys in the dive bar, they'll give you the validation your daddy could never bestow you.  ❜

❛  i'm done doing backbends.  ❜

❛  you got me like a bad tattoo, always under skin even when it gets removed.  ❜

❛  i never got a chance to undo positions that you forced my way into.  ❜

❛  why you always act so serious?  ❜

❛  it's so scary how my aura got him howling at my moon cycle.  ❜

❛  i don't gotta act, i'm a theorist.  ❜

❛  i could win a fight on my period. matter of fact, right now, i could build a pyramid. you're messing with my cycle, that is dangerous.  ❜

❛  i won't lick your wounds today but i'll throw you in the ring, get you with my suffering.  ❜

❛  i'm not crazy, i'm not wild. you're just a stupid, little child.  ❜

❛  get your image off my back, i'll give you a heart attack.  ❜

❛  i will not suffer and cry under covers. i'm not your mother. ❜

❛  i won't be ashamed for loving you so honestly. ❜

❛  i used to miss your kiss. now i'm hop-skip jumpin' over narcissists. ❜

❛  i never knew what it meant to be content with you. ❜

❛  everything i expressed and professed, it never quite made it through. ❜

❛  they said it's all in my head whenever i spoke my truth. ❜

❛  no, i won't defend you to all my friends. this time, i refuse. ❜

❛  take it to the grave if you wanna play pretend. ❜

❛  i won't be mistreated, please call me conceited. ❜

❛  lovin' you was lethal, guess that makes me evil. ❜

❛  every time you tell a lie, i'm praying that you choke. ❜

❛  hope you never cope, hope you slip on soap. ❜

❛  not safe but i'm sound. ❜

❛  all of the planning yet i still feel unprepared. ❜

[toastess-with-the-mostess]

Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 7: The Lion Has New Claws

Did Zarkon's voice change? I feel like it changed

Who the fuck is rowing across the castle's moat when the damn bridge is down They are the ✨drama✨

A look into the teams rooms Only Lance and Keith wake up to the alarm while Pidge is sleeping through it Even cuter, he fell asleep with his glasses on

Hunk decides it's a false alarm that he would fix later in the morning, I think this is our first indication that Hunk knows what he's doing with wires

Goddamn it not her GO OFF PIDGE, PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE HIT HER SO EARLY BUT SHE DESERVES IT LATER

"Well I thought she was the witch" SHE IS ONE YOURE STILL RIGHT PIDGE

It's probably my bias against her, but man is Nanny just annoying sdionv

Allura being a girl boss already, sneaking into blue lion to train herself how to pilot it

IT'S LESS FUNNY WITHOUT THE SOUND BUT I LAUGHED WAY TOO HARD AT THIS EXCHANGE

"Now Pidge, I don't want you flying off the handle-" Keith there's a spear being pointed at the three of you because that decrepit woman doesn't know how to get things done without violence, that is more than enough reason to fly off the handle

CORAN WHY WOULD YOU FUCK THEM OVER LIKE THAT LMAOO THEY MAKE PAPER TUBE SOUNDS WHEN THEY FALL TOO OH MY GOD

Off to save the princess from herself because her babysitter threatened them!

Good for Allura, she learned to land the lion safely She fainted on the dash though

I had to skip through that spanking scene that Nanny put Allura through, especially because the boys were laughing it her while they watched That definitely didn't age well, and I'm sure there's people who didn't like seeing that even when it was first airing

There's a scene with Hunk stretching and his pants falling down?? Like ok I guess it's connected to Nanny telling Pidge he needs to be neater but,,, weird

Kova or Koba? I know later we get another character with the same name which is a big fucking mistake to do in story telling so I gotta be sure on the spelling

Oh so we're watching literal mass murder ok A robeast got to Arus again and is LITERALLY STOMPING ON EVERY BUILDING IT SEES

Not Coran literally tying Allura up I can't say I don't understand where he's coming from, especially because she's the last known living royal but c'mon you could've locked her in her room instead of tying her to a CHAIR

Animation error again, green lion had a red colored torso lol

"Piggy-back attack" what a cute name for an attack, it's just one of the lions using another as a boost to hit the robeast

I forgot to describe the robeast last episode so i'll do both now! The one that totally did not kill Sven was called the Exospike robeast and weighed at 3750 short tons! His weapons were twin forward stab spears, bone blades, fan blasters, and had an organic carbon steel exoskeleton This episode's robeast is called the Blue Fiend, not as creative, and weight 4150 short tons. The weapons are shoulder-harness XEnergy beams, king's crown spikes and horns, robust battle fists, and has dual-layer organic armor

We get a superfast cut of the mice trying to chew Allura free of the ropes and then not even a second later we're back to Keith almost getting torn apart LMAO oh nvm it just keeps going like that, really quick back and forth between Allura's escape and Keith getting manhandled

She's loose and ready to rumble! Not even 5 seconds on site, and she's already forming Voltron, good for her

Looks like we're getting closer to the final preamble before formation

Nanny why would you try to guilt-trip Allura into not flying by mentioning her dead dad, not like it worked but still that's a low blow and the only reason you're alive right now is because of her >:/

The guys are tossing her up while cheering a sweet moment only made weird by the fact that she looks so lifeless while she's being tossed LMAO

Episode end! I'm not looking forward to seeing more of nanny, she's a gross addition But we've got Allura in blue now with a pink uniform! I wonder why they gave her pink in this show, I mean other than her being a Girl™️

[asterjennifer]

I loved "eternal paradise" and found it an interesting dynamic too and the characters fit!! 💖 Would you be willing to do one with the same dynamics of death wish mc with suit saeran or unknown? Have a great day Jenni

🎀 Oh, thank you very much for the compliment ^\\\^ But honestly? I believe Unknown fits better because he actually understands that feeling. 🎀

© dbsal2ek on Twitter

Withered Gate

Fandom: Mystic Messenger

Pairing: Unknown x Reader

Category: Angst

Warnings: Abuse, self-harm, drug use, unhealthy coping mechanisms, sexual fantasy, obsessive behavior, suicidal thoughts, near death

Word count: 3387

Author's Note: Don't get me wrong, Suit would understand, too. But Unknown is another kind of understanding.

Summary: There you go again, nothing but a failure to your own kind. It's the first time someone gets it.

And it's him from all people who saved you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A complete waste of time you had to become throughout your years. When did it go wrong? There had been a chance someday and it's no surprise you missed it. Maybe you could've been a doctor instead, a lawyer to achieve justice in this society drowning in filth. But what you've become wasn't pretty, if anything, it's a mistake. Especially now, after getting rescued by your very own Savior with a cleansing ceremony. That pain's nothing in comparison to the shame of your incompetence. The fact she's wasting her time on dirt like you, worrying for someone unworthy, it's agonizing.

She spoke the prayers, smooth as butter, delicate like a mother worried of her only child. And yet so knit in their meanings. It didn't matter as you could neither understand nor move forward without causing disturbance. Your mere existence's enough prove to show that some life on the earth should be erased and left to rot without batting an eye. After scratching your fingernails wound on the hard concrete floor in the basement, she promised to help you upward again. Her methods seemed controversial to some Believers, however, you're a part of the faithful ones.

Not that it changed your worthless being, rather the only vow you were ever given in times of misery. Life contained the demons in your head. Fighting them felt almost pointless as they found their ways inside over and over again, there's no escape route planned in your destiny. What have you done in younger years to deserve infinity torture? Ending as the biggest disappointment that ever saw the light of day. You didn't own anything to speak otherwise, not with the straining past glued to your back like an incurable disease. Futile was it praying to your Savior, which you came to learn the hardest way possible.

Shouldn't they take you out the next day? How come you're still laying on the rough ground in lonely company of distant screams? Did she truly forget you? Were there more important matters at hand, things worth her attention instead of tending a useless waste of space? Your breath came out ragged, the fire flaming up your lunges made it difficult to take in the ice-cold air of the underground. Sluggish your finger scratched, clawing at the nothingness under your exhausted body. What were you good for? Like this, all you're useful for was wiping the corridors clean like the damn rag you were.

Dying would've been less painful, you thought half conscious. If an overdose could've prevented any more harm or your attempt to hang yourself wouldn't have been prohibited by the Savior, maybe you'd be free by now. Whatever waited after death, if it's your very own hell, it must've been less painful than the life of a nuisance. She wasn't coming.. the realization let the last few tears behind your eyes roll down, making the floor wet. She forgot you, that's the only explanation. Didn't she promise you'll be one of the main Believers? The ones worth of a place right by her side? Didn't she assure you that your cleansing would bring forth new strength and therefore love?

She told you you're one of the most faithful, and with faith came Paradise. But this wasn't anything warm, bright nor nearly affectionate. You wheezed out the fever running down your forehead, overheating your skin the same moment it cooled down your temperature. At this rate, you'd pass away. Then again, wasn't it better? Would your absence not become less responsibility for your Savior? How she needed to babysit your every step was beyond embarrassing. Somehow, you found the strength to crawl to the wall. Like a sick animal that's ready to be fed to the enemies.

As a bait, you laughed dryly with what's left of your vocal cords, you still held a purpose.. Mother had been right to reject you early on, Father did well by hitting some sense into that empty brain of yours. The rest's blurry, past memories were difficult to recall as time in Mint Eye passed by the windows outside. She said she understood your pain like no other, so where was she? Why did she leave you all by yourself down here? What have you done wrong? You'd beg for forgiveness only if your voice's working. Whatever it must've been surely was fixable, right? All these failures sticking to your name, who were you kidding.

No chance in hell you're capable of repairing all the damage you've done. It's deserved to suffer such a death. Better off dead! You repeated like a mantra while using the last strength to sit up against the wall. Better for the Savior, better for all the Believers who were forced to bear your presence for years in a row. Better for your parents, not that they're interested where you went, anyways. Better for the space and resources you shamelessly took away. Die in a ditch, be gone all alone! You lifted your shaking hands to your hairline, digging your bloody nails into the flesh until there's hair torn out.

It almost didn't register as your brain's too wrecked to pay attention to more than one abuse. The huffs leaving your lips quicker than before when you cursed yourself. Why were you born hated? Why did nobody care at least a little bit? Even your Savior, someone who you trusted would never abandon you came to leave you behind like trash. A hideous, awful bug didn't deserve to breathe air in the first place. You pulled your knees on, crying silently into them as your head's heavier than steel. The pain ached in your bones, it burned down your lunges and left your stomach to twist. It's a wonder you didn't puke yet.

Do everyone the favor and vanish! The nasty voice in the depths of your mind sneered maddened. Remove yourself if that's the only thing you can do right, every soul out there's gonna be grateful for your unnecessary sacrifice. The Savior gave up on you, you knew this would happen eventually- »Don't die right now.« A distant noise resembling commands reached your ears muffled. Someone took hold of your wrists, taking out the fingers out your messy hair. A touch that thoughtful? Were you finally dead, perhaps? »Hey, listen to me!«

There it was again, a voice ordering you around. »Huh..-« You ended up coughing instead, acid rising up your throat immediately. »Fucking-« Once you leaned forward into the stranger's arms, it felt like someone's wrenching your guts out. Funny, considering your mouth didn't even part to throw up. Afterwards the already fuzzy scene blacked out.

-------------------------------------

You woke up with a steady pounding hammering at your skull. Brand new pain you haven't yet the privilege to practice. The little light alread too much to handle, therefore your eyes stayed shut. Weren't you supposed to die down there? How's the surface you laying on so soft? Heaven? No, a devil would never reach heaven's gates. »Good. Thought you died down there.« A frown rushed over your brows, trying hard to make out the words spoken at the left side. Who was it? You couldn't tell. »Don't even try to get up, you'll black out in no time again.« A male, that's taken for granted.

You hummed rough, wanting answers as to what happened back then. The stranger sat down at the edge of the mattress; you felt the shift better than needed. »You're a lucky bastard, you know that? If I wouldn't have fucking seen you, you'd be dead by now.« He sounded irritated, which's fair. You probably disturbed his workflow. »Anyways. Once you're back to your feet, you owe me.« The stranger said, a sudden feeling of ice hitting your forehead like a flat hand. »Ngh ..!!« It hurt, yet the fabric's more calming than alarming. Since you flinched, the stranger clicked his tongue behind his teeth. »Don't move! It's just a wet washcloth so don't whine.«

For a moment your brain emptied itself. A washcloth...? Why was this man carrying for you like this? Did the Savior send him? Million questions haunting your pounding head, sadly nothing of your voice left to ask. »It will take around three days before you can get up. Don't even try beforehand, or I do the job the elixir has almost done.« In addition to his annoyance, he seemed acquainted with the effects. You could vaguely remember that particular voice, too. »Goddamn it.. I'm busy hacking but have to play a fucking nurse now. Great.. Just fantastic.« The sarcasm poked better than a knife, right into your heart. Oh no, hacking?

He must've been a part of the information team, which meant he's not just a nameless face keeping the building lively. There's no stopping the new wave of tears that decided against your permission to drip down your face. You gathered a little power to reach up and place the back of your hand over your eyes. It wouldn't hide away your pathetic reaction, but it's something. Now you bothered one of the high ranked Believers with your weakness. Not only the Savior's obligated to babysit your ass, even strangers pitied you enough to alleviate your pain. A disgrace for Mint Eye.. So worthless in all aspects of life.

»I'm sorry...« You managed to choke out, the stranger seemed surprised to hear you talk at all. »I don't even wanna hear it, seriously.. What are apologizing for, being half dead!?« You shook your head as far as the aching in your muscles allowed it. »Wasting y-your time... I'm sorry.« What other could you offer than an apology? You didn't have anything, you were nothing. The stranger sighed, it narrowed your throat with shame. »Should worry about yourself for now, idiot.« He countered dry. »You're responsible for the wounds on your hairline. I can't even count how much hair you tore out your damn scalp.«

A bottle was held against your lips without warning, smelling of the elixir they poured like water the other night. »You vomited it all out when I caught you, but your body's used to it. You need at least some amount.« So you did puke after all? Hopefully you didn't make the guy's clothes dirty. At first you're uncertain, would your stomach bear another drop of elixir? However, the stranger growled low. »Just take the damn thing..!« Not wanting to burden him further, you parted your dry lips and let the bitter taste slide down into your mouth. At first you gagged, yet he's skilled at keeping your head up by force. »You thank me for it later, believe me.«

Having no strength to resist, you let him do as he pleased. After finishing the bottle, hearing you choke and retch more, he seemed satisfied. »Don't think too much about it.. It was the lightest dose we have. It should stay in.« The clearer his words became, the more attractive he sounded. You tried to blink and somehow succeeded in keeping your eyes open. »Well, good morning is what I would like to say..« He smirked, holding in a chuckle as your eyes widened in horror. Oh god.. Oh dear god it was Mr. Saeran from all people. »Guess it's too fucked for that, huh.« The humor passed you by completely, too deep in shock.

It was him who rescued you? The most important Believer and right hand of the Savior? That man pulled you out of the gutter? The blood ran dry, leaving your face paper white, similar to his own. »What.« He raised an eyebrow at your reaction, picking up the tension that's obviously written all over your face. »Never seen an angel before?« This time he did laugh out loud. A raw noise that lingered in your ears. »Damn, you look like a deer caught in headlights. Relax.. Unless you want to faint again.« Only then the fact your mouth's open reached your consciousness. Embarrassed, you closed it and tore your stare away.

»Now you're shy? After literally collapsing in my arms? That's bullshit.« You shook your head, panic added itself to the list of hurt inside your chest. »Wh.. How- I mean.. Why..« Unable to form sentences in such a state, Mr. Saeran rested his head on his hand. »Why..? Maybe because you were dying. And honestly? I'm not gonna let that happen if I can avoid it.« He leaned down, a bowl with water at his feet that you missed until now. »You're too cute to rot down there.« He proclaimed amused, surely it's just a stupid joke to cope with the dead mood making the air thick. But your heart jumped regardless, the blood quick to color your cheeks red. He called you cute.

When did you earn your last compliment? Far too long ago. »But for now you need to stay in bed, as I said. If you're lucky, you're back on your feet in three days. But looking at your condition..« He stopped himself, letting his ocean eyes wander over your shape. You could practically feel them see through the blanket and clothes; the thought caused you to shiver. »I'm not sure about that. I know how close on the edge you were.. I was there myself. So take it from someone with a lot of knowledge.« You dared to look at his face, curious now that some life has returned to your soul. His face's delicate, having dark circles under his eyes from all the late nights he pulled through.

But otherwise, he's really pretty. Especially his eyes colored like the sky. »You were there...? I'm sorry.. You don't deserve that.« The walls of the room were painted a dark color, somehow it appeared much more unique, unlike the rest of Magenta. This place's supposed to be united in everything. »Only people like me deserve it.« It came out mumbled, not wanting to leave it unsaid while not trying to press into his potential sympathy towards you. He took the washcloth off, cooling it down inside the bowl. »Whatever you did, getting cleansed was hopefully a lesson.«

The windpipe cut off air by that statement, tears forming at the edges of your eyes for the countless time. Should you tell him? Was that even of interest to him? You mumbled into your hand regardless. »Tried to end my life.. But Savior said I can't.« Silence followed to what you haven't revealed to another soul, the guilt grew tighter with every confession. And yet, as pitiful as you were, you found no solution to shut it off anymore. »I think.. I think she forgot me...« Luckily you swallowed the sob that wanted out. »I-I guess.. I guess nobody-.. « It's too painful to finish the sentence, despite them burning on your tongue.

To be heard for once, for someone to know at least a bit of the struggles you're facing. No! You scolded yourself in the same strict tone the Savior often used. He's not there to hush your whining, that he saved you's more than you could've ever requested. It didn't matter if nobody cared. Don't be a burden, don't annoy him with useless complains- » You're the one other Believers talked about.« You frowned confused, letting a whimper fall over your lips once he placed the washcloth on your neck next. »They said there's someone who tried to hang themselves. I guess that was you, wasn't it.« Afraid to nod, you stayed stiff. Would he yell at you?

Or lecture you like the Savior did? Mr. Saeran let his arms hang over his legs, the leather jacket not covering the big tattoo he has. This step had been a big inspiration for other Believers to catch up and get tattoos as well, you remembered the that time well for some reason. »That bad, hm?« He asked, although it's a simple question, you lacked the competence to comprehend correctly. Therefore, you answered with nothing. »Listen, I'm really fucking busy. You can stay in my room until you're okay again,« He started off, the hit of reality dragged you through the mug. It was his room you're resting in.

He brought you to his own private walls, placing you down into his bed. There it was, that loud thunder created by your fast heartbeat. Mr. Saeran stood up from the bed, kind enough to either not point out your flaming cheeks or skilfully ignore it. »I'll be in my office. Try to cool the washcloth here and there. Your body's gonna deal with fever for a while.. Also.« He took out a fresh water bottle from the nightstand, putting it beside you. »Drink like you're crawling through a desert. You won't notice as much, but you will dry out real quick. Keep track of that for your godforsaken health.« He waved his hand, taking steps already to go finish his tasks at hand.

You tried to make mental notes, drinking and cooling a fuck ton's priority for the time being. »If I find you trying to kill yourself in my room, we'll have trouble. Got it?« The sudden intense stare with which he looked back at you had you nod mindlessly. An expression impossible to read. »Yeah..! Yes, no- I.. I will be good. I promise..« Then a smile formed on his lips, just for you to witness. »Good doll. I come check on you when I'm finished. I try to remember food. Can't promise shit though.« He turned; the smile audible in his voice. Circling his index finger playfully. »Just stay put for me.« With that, he closed the door.

You forgot to blink, wiping the tears it accidentally brought to the surface. You pressed your hands to your racing heart. He called you doll. That was pet name, right? He called you by a pet name. He asked that you stay put for him, didn't he? For him? Was it some kind of implication that he cared, at least to some degree? He saved your life, there's some kind of sympathy playing in your advantage. He said you are cute, so maybe he liked your looks. But right now, too? You didn't want to imagine your reflection inside the mirror. He carried you despite how nasty you must've been down there, all the way up to his room.

You grabbed the washcloth and pressed it to your lips like a little kid. »He's so nice...« You whispered to yourself, feeling how alive you could be. When have you ever burned comfortably? This was brand new, he made you feel like there might still be a purpose to this useless life. Was he helping you to gain something in return? That's really irrelevant. He tended your pain, but above all, he understood it like no one else. If he'd been there, that's the connection you're seeking since forever. You smiled, taking hold of the blanket he wrapped you in next.

For a moment you hesitated, buried the shame deep down though because you pulled the blanket up to your face and closed your eyes. He smelled oddly sweet, that's really cute. Maybe if you're good to him, he'll be willing to keep you company. Was it appropriate to picture it vividly? You never tested these skills. However, there might be a slim chance you could function as a plaything for him. Then you'd have back purpose, another person in the world looking you in the eye and seeing the person within. It sent a cold shiver down your spine, making your heart hammer all over again.

Maybe.. if you're good and become what he liked to have, he'd use you. A broken giggle followed the thought of excitement. You laid down, keeping the blanket to your nose and lips. Maybe she didn't care like the rest of the world, but he might be different. He maybe could make use of you and praise you for being good. Would he praise you? Call you cute again? Pretty, even? Call you his doll and touch you accordingly? Take care of you? Could you bring him pleasure and prove you're worth something? The more the thoughts circled, the more you wanted to beg for him to give it a try. Now it's clear as the sky that she wasn't the one. He was your very own Savior.

[benis-chillin]

Backlog Reviews 2024: Batman Arkham Asylum

Platform: PC

February 14th, 2024-March 4th, 2024

Well, after Bionicle the Game was such a massive disappointment, even by my lowered standards, it was nice to see this game live up to all of the hype.

It's not without flaws, of course, but overall, it has solid gameplay, a "gets the job done" story that only has a few bits I'd say are bad, and the difficulty is fairly balanced if you pick the right mode.

Killer Croc's section kinda sucks ass, though. Just really long and boring?

Really, the biggest delay for writing this review is that I just don't have THAT much to say compared to the other two. Most of what I have are minor quibbles that I think would be amusing.

For example, I had to play this at the lowest settings for a consistent framerate. Like, I tried medium with all of the optional settings turned to low, but that gave me this one room early in the game running at 12 FPS on those settings, and 60 FPS at low settings. And even then, I had some minor frame drops here and there. My laptop isn't a top tier gaming PC or anything, but I'd think it could run a 2009 game a bit better.

The lower settings also gives a lot of people blind eyes. Idk why, it just does.

Some of the pre-animated knock-out poses for the thugs are weird, too. Like, they'll ragdoll into a natural position, then set themselves up like:

It's bizarre to see in real time. Why did they intentionally make it as weird as possible?

Though really, the "because it's a video game" shit in this game does sorta bother me. Like, many times, you'll face obstacles that Batman, in-universe, SHOULD be able to move or get around much more easily, but the developers want you to do some weird challenge that doesn't really make much sense. Every video game has this to some degree, but I hate how artificial it feels here in particular.

This also leads to moments where Batman feels like kind of an idiot, though? Like, you look at him, and go, "Why aren't you better at doing your damn JOB, bro?"

One example that broke me a bit was the Bat Claw upgrade. He assembles it in his Arkham Batcave, and it can pull things. Pretty cool, right?

Well, later, as things get worse, Batman is in the same Bat Cave, and he assembles the Ultra Bat Claw from some nearby parts, which can do everything the original Bat Claw can do, but also a LOT more.

SO WHY DIDN'T HE JUST MAKE THE ULTRA BAT CLAW IN THE FIRST PLACE!?

We wasted HOURS of our lives with this shit, Bruce! We could've gone so much faster with that thing, and you only NOW put it together!? ARE YOU STUPID!?

So yeah, those quibbles aside, I quite liked this game, though would still call Lego Batman 2 my favorite Batman game so far.

8/10.

And next on the docket has been a long time coming: Metroid Dread on Switch.

[cwip]

Daemonicus (5)

Inside The Nameless Café, which was the creative name of the café Charios was staying, he just finished wiping down the grime for the third time that morning. The bucket beside him overflowed with murky water.

"... Hm?"

A pungent aroma hit his sensor, now that he got rid of the moldy odor of the seating room. Charios looked around and followed the aroma.

It didn't take long for him to locate the source of the smell. Charios stared at the locked, rickety door hiding at a dark corner of the damp kitchen.

[Storage - Staff Only]

He grabbed the rusted lock on the door and pulled it off as if it's made out old clay. The lock crumbled in his palm. As he opened the door, the hinges shrieked under his weight. Once it was open, the smell would engrave in his memory bank for the rest of his life.

Lines and lines of forgotten bags of roasted coffee beans sat on the rusty shelves in the dark, their aroma had turned acrid since God knows when. It was the perfect resting place for Barbus' stale coffee collection.

"... Why did you even open it in the first place, Lieutenant?" Charios muttered to himself, covering his nose with his scarf.

"Hey!"

Charios paused and turned to the faint voice, coming from the seating room.

"Charios, where are you? I need you!"

He then heard a thud. Charios widened his eyes and rushed out of the kitchen.

Barbus was sitting at the staircase and grabbed his head, leaning against the banister. He tried to steady his breathing with a distorted face.

"Lieutenant!" Charios stumbled toward him.

Barbus' eyes were sunken black, his lips tinted purple and his skin pale.

"By the Holywright, we need to go to the hospital! Lieutenant, where's the hospital? No wait, don't tell me. You're exhausted. I'll ask the people around— No, that would take too much time.

Wait, no! Is there an emergency line? What's it? Lieutenant, tell me—!"

Barbus grabbed Charios' face and squinted, his voice beyond hoarse. "... Shut up... And quick..."

"H-Huh?"

"Make me... instant coffee..."

"Are you dumb?" Charios said in his face. "I'm taking you to the hospital. No discussion!"

He tried to carry Barbus away, but the lieutenant clawed at the railing. Charios squinted and pulled his hand off, but it stuck like a barnacle against a hull.

"Brew me a cup of coffee and I'll be fine, trust me!" Barbus grunted his voice out.

"No!"

"This is like Monday to me! Let me go!"

"How the hell are you still alive looking like this?"

"Stop asking questions and make me the damn coffee before I kick you out!" Barbus raised his voice.

Charios froze for a split second. He sighed and looked down. "... Does a pot of black coffee sound good to you?"

Barbus raised his brow. "Do you know how to brew coffee?"

"Yes, Lieutenant. It's my duty for the night owls of the news agency."

"... I see."

"... Lieutenant, you may let your hand go."

"I'm not that dumb. Put me down first and I will let my hand go."

Charios smacked his lips and put him down. He then walked behind the bar and browsed through the ingredients.

[ o ]

Charios quickly handed the mug to Barbus. The moment the lieutenant touched it, the coffee steam turned into tiny snowflakes. He chugged the drink down like a snack. Barbus held a large breath and spewed out a sigh.

"That was mediocre, but thank you." Barbus pushed himself away from the banister. The tone of his face livened up.

"You could've just said thank you, Lieutenant." Charios said.

"Feedback is valuable."

"Feedback, I see..." Charios squinted. "... Lieutenant, it's been five days since you worked on that deadline without proper rest. Are you aware that you're increasing your chance of heart attack? Your concentration ability will be permanently damaged and your hormones unstable the more you insist. Balance is the key."

Barbus stretched his neck and stood up, trudging back upstairs.

Charios watched him in confusion. "Lieutenant?"

"None of your business. You should take a nap." Barbus sipped the coffee. "I know you've done the cleaning. I'm impressed. Thank you. Treat yourself food or something, I don't know..."

"Lieutenant, with all respect, your face looks worse than those creatures on the Bay. The ladies might stop pursuing you."

"Since when I care about women? I don't intend to polish my appearance, not until the project's finished."

Charios stared over intently. "You mean some sort of investigation, Lieutenant?"

"... None of your business."

Charios sighed. "Lieutenant, I'm serious. Please, get some rest. And by rest, I mean proper rest."

"I have."

"Have you? Look at yourself, Lieuten..."

Charios' voice trailed off when Barbus glared at him.

"Didn't I tell you it's none of your business?" The lieutenant said.

Charios glared back. "Why's it not my business when someone who told me to move on is dying from his own stupidity?"

Barbus stared at the robot for a moment before he scoffed and walked off. "Who told you it's your responsibility?"

As he watched Barbus waddling back upstairs, his chest weighed down. What's he talking about? Wasn't Lieutenant the one who took him in? Now he's the one who got the blame. His legs urged him to storm inside the office and shove some dose of reality in his mouth, but he knew better than being wasteful of energy.

It's not like he cared whether the lieutenant's dead or alive. Like the vendor and Barbus himself mentioned, this could be everyday for him, so he doubted he would die if he'd done this since the start of the career, but it's unhealthy nonetheless. Charios wanted to do something better than cleaning the café no one batted an eye on.

Something that's at least worth more than a thank you.

Charios grunted and headed to the entrance. He needed an open space. God forbid though, The Third Row was way more cramped than Parasis Bay. May he should check on Piazza Egerfest.

He might find the vendor again.

But it's weird. Ever since they said goodbye, he hadn't seen him from then on. Charios sometimes tagged along with Barbus to his office at Communications Department Number 4 to help him with organizing the paperwork. So every afternoon after his 'shift', Charios went for a walk around the piazza, but all he could find was either an open space or someone else's fruit stall.

The vendor seemed like a well-formed guy. It wasn't surprising. Examining the monopolistic real estate of the Third Row, that kind of job needs quite protection and wit to stay alive. Maybe he's already out of business.

That's the kind of slick people Korika mentioned, wasn't it? He reminded him of Jose. Speaking of him, how's he? He might be in the refugee camp with his daughter. Charios remembered him heading to the dock with his daughter. He should check on the camp later.

Charios closed his eyes leaned against the doorway. He wish he could steal his mind sometimes. It could've been handy.

After a moment, he opened his eyes.

"... Steal?"

The robot glanced at the staircase.

Communication Department Number 4, it's the name of the marble-strewn building towering over Charios. Rubbing the key he had stolen from Barbus, he gulped. The longer he stared at the gate, the harder his feet glued on the sidewalk.

He paused and looked around, catching the curious gazes of the passerby. He shook his head and entered the building.

Passing through a group of Troopers, they only gave him an unamused gaze and glanced back to their chatter. Charios sighed in relief. They probably thought he's here to grab documents for

Barbus like some sort of slave or machine. Besides, it's flaming outside. Quite a bitter trust, but that's true, although he didn't grab them for the lieutenant this time.

The receptionist was behind the desk in the lobby as usual, face-planting on the table and snoring lightly. The robot stared at her for a moment before he entered the elevator.

After he reached the sixth floor, Charios stepped inside the workplace. The officers were on break today, so that's one less burden. His eyes flashed white as they scanned around.

Compared to the lobby, no cameras. That calmed half his mind.

Charios tip-toed through the maze of cubicles toward the glass-walled room at the end of the aisle. Although he'd been here frequently, this was the first time he saw the workplace clearly, devoid of humans.

The air was heated with dust. He wondered how the officers could breathe in here. The broken ventilator screeched in a mono rhythm. This place would've boiled everyone alive.

"... Did they even notice it?"

He peeked inside the private office before he unlocked it with Barbus' key. A golden nameplate glimmered on the front of a large office desk.

"Lt. Barbus Aeneva, Captain of the 37th Division."

Charios rubbed the nameplate. That's quite admiring, to have your name gilded and women ready to give their life for you. But squeezing yourself just for crumbs of fame without looking back at how much you already gained, was it worth it?

His thoughts rushed to a stop. His detector took in footsteps outside the office.

With wide eyes, Charios crouched and peeked through the door.

The receptionist was holding a clipboard with a drowsy face. She jotted down notes each cubicle she ambled past, heading straight toward Barbus' office, twenty seats away.

"You are kidding me. Out of every time?"

Charios locked the door and speed-read the dossiers from the cabinet.

Reports of protests on the Third Row, reports of money laundering on The Fourth Row, reports of civil unrest on The First Row...

"Where is it?"

The amount of weekly reports caught Charios off guard. The footsteps of the receptionist closed in. Charios sped up. Some dossiers slipped out of the cabinet.

"7-954, 7-954, 7-954..."

His fingers hammered through them like a typebar.

"7-954, 7-954, 7-954...!"

He heard a loud thud behind him. The vague figure of the receptionist stood behind the door as she tried to open it.

His eyes darted around and paused at the office desk. He dove behind it, held the brim of his fedora and peeked at the door.

"... Oh dear, so you do care about your privacy, huh, Lieutenant?" A honeyed voice muffled behind the door, followed with a chuckle. "You're lucky I have the key, otherwise that counts as a day off for you."

Although Charios didn't have a heart, something skipped a beat, something inside of him. He tucked himself in behind the desk and muttered.

"Lords of Holywright, I pray upon thee. I have no heart, but deep down in my processor, my prayer calls your pre—"

The sound of the keys didn't last long enough for his prayer, and the door creaked.

"This is it."

His mind kept looping the same sentence. He tried to shake the thoughts off, but it was in vain. The footsteps closed in.

"This is it."

Charios clenched the brim of the fedora. How's Barbus going to react to this? No, it doesn't matter, he's definitely kicking him out.

"This is it—!"

A ring tone startled him. He blinked twice and peeked at the doorway.

The receptionist hadn't entered, one hand holding the doorknob, the other holding a phone next to her ear.

"Really? That gym lord needs me? All right, just don't forget lunch, okay? By the way, you're doing the pay, girl." the lady smirked and closed the door.

"..."

Charios stared at the door with his soulless eyes. Until a dossier fell off the cabinet did he move a finger.

7-954.

Charios stared at the cover for a moment before he plopped down and sighed in relief.

"Thank you, lord."

He's glad the receptionist was a half-ass.

Another minute of making sure she left the workplace, Charios shuffled out of the room with the file and a beaten up face. He glanced down at the dossier and opened it.

"Let's see..."

[REPORT CODE 7-954: SECOND PHASE OF THE SILVER BULLET PROJECT]

"... The hell—"

"Why are you here, bot?"

A voice came out of the cubicle that he trudged past. Charios slowly turned to the receptionist sitting on a table, who's chuckling.

Their eyes locked on each other.

"... Hellooo?" She smirked.

"AAAAAAA!"

[macaroni-rascal]

Pt. 2 women's FS.

I will forever hold it against Carolina for unleashing the scourge that is Bolero upon us, because it's been like herpes these past few seasons. Again with the knockoff choreography. Caro was a very mature skater when she did it and she could be sultry without it being too much. This dress, while not awful, I found a tinge too sexy, but I guess I have to remember these are no longer the cute juniors we used to watch on the JGP circuit. This would've worked better as an SP dress for some reason. You have to wonder what ideas come from the coaches and choreographers versus the skaters themselves. Imo this is not Mana's natural style, the program kinda ran away from her, but if this is her experimenting, I'd rather she go in a more original direction. Her coach's fashion sense doesn't give me hope, though.

Mone's dress was the most skating dress to ever skating dress. The darker hue at the front should've started lower. I wouldn't have objected to it too much if it weren't for those damn sleeves. I appreciate that there was something in the hair but this whole look and program is just not a good fit for what I perceive to be a rather unique and energetic skater. It's like they put her on mute. Why try to conform her? Kaori didn't win 2 world titles and an Olympic medal by being someone she isn't. They need to lean into her effervescence, this is all too forgettable and generic for such a memorable skater. Nice to see Cathy Reed listed as a coach, but can we please be done with the Mie Hamada era already?

Niina - similar dress struggles as in the SP, but I much prefer this one. The color is great and the gold detail matches it well, and velvet is such a classy and currently underused fabric. The pentagram on the front is a confounding choice, but hey, it summoned her a medal? The back is better than the front, but the sleeve length and the skirt cut off her lines pretty harshly, she needs to be in an A-line skirt that fans out from her actual waist, and not where these two random lines are positioned. I appreciate that she had a defined vibe between the two programs, though. I didn't realize she was coached by Helen Mirren.

And just when we thought things couldn't possibly get worse for Isabeau, wtf is this atrocity? If you had a champion on your hands (whether she should be scoring what she is is a different conversation), would you send her out looking like a plucked chicken??? This is hands down one of the worst things I've ever seen in skating, and worst-dressed of the weekend, no contest. Do you think they know what the story of the White Crow is? Or the difference between a crow and a magpie? Did they cause a fabric shortage by making that skirt? We need to stage an intervention to pry this girl our of Julia's claws because she's actively choking her through sartorial over-saturation. And to use music that's already been done beautifully by some of the sport's most talented and to subject her to the comparison after teaching her that non-technique is just cruel. I'm even more perplexed after seeing her exhibition costume, which wasn't half-bad (actually, let's not get into how a 16yo was writhing on the floor to Madonna yet). I'm incensed by all of this and the fact that it's being rewarded.

Now for a sharp right turn from the worst to the best - Amber! Finally a dress befitting her beauty! Gold star all around! A stunning color on her, so subtle yet beautiful, and look! They even found her waist! Everything was perfect - from the draping to the proportion to the stoning. Her back is what Young's SP dress could've been. Thrilled about her 3A but there was a sense of "here we go again" in the second half. They really need to figure out the stamina and layout issues already. Send her to Ravi or someone else who will make her practice full run-throughs. I need her, Romsky, Deniss and Camden to form a support group for skaters crushed by the weight of their immense talent and figure this out, it shouldn't hurt this much to stan them. Welp, at least she won the best-dressed title here.

Long live Queen Loena, she threw down in a way only she can, and she's such an important role model in the sport and proponent of health. Let's not peak too early again, though. Now, here's the thing. How is this different from what she did in the short? Or the previous few years? It's like Adam saw P/C's waacking RD and F/G's Vogue and thought - this is what skating should be, and nothing else. Having seen Nikita's programs, I get the sense that the only culture her team consumes is Drag Race (which, I'm the one to talk, but never mind that now, I'm not the one making the decisions here), and they're stuck in the club and can't get out. I mean, she did everything but shablam at the end. Giving her pop diva music is a solid idea and Beyonce is a step in the right direction, but it's like she's really working to put the choreo she's been given to the music, and there's no melody to let her do it. The dress is basically Hubbell's Burlesque outfit, and it's simultaneously too little and too much. What I would've done is I would've taken the black bodysuit, gotten rid of the skirt, and if we're already doing a bedazzled booty, I would've basically used rhinestones to fake a Madonna-esque corset and it could've been iconique. I'm here for the sparkly gloves but I'd yeet the choker into space. They could've also taken inspo from Ms. Carter's recent killer looks. This is better music than the short but it's still too unz unz unz to flow, and singles and pairs need melody, while dance utilizes rhythm, which is why all attempts to do the reverse fail. The bottom line is: I can see her coaching and choreo team live their dreams through her, and I'm not quite sure we're seeing her in this fully. We know she has a life outside of skating and experiences she could mine (btw, what happened to Brandon? He had a team here but didn't show up, it must've been messy), and every time someone is committed to putting on a show, I wonder if they're avoiding vulnerability. Idk, I struggle with this because I do luv her, but I'd like to see her in the hands of someone else, maybe Jeremy and Massimo? (Not Benoit. Never Benoit.) When she's up against the likes of Kaori and Yelim, who both have more elevated material, and they all nail... Who will the judges go with? Herein lies the rub. She could win the title this year since the Korean fed is useless and Kaori is exhausted, but is this the material to help her do that? Great hair, makeup and accessories, as usual. I appreciate that she's breaking the mold, but they're creating a mold of their own at this point.

Just overall across SkAm I noticed a neglect of the hair as an opportunity for adding an extra oomph, and the men in the dance in particular have no excuse for this. There's barely any true 80s hair. I know they probably outlawed the hairspray everyone was using at the time a long time ago, but I'd like to see literally any effort, there was so much emphasis in the RD Comm about the spirit of the 80s and and those hairstyles done been exorcised of it.

Well, I guess that's it, huh? What a long and rollercoaster of a weekend. Btw, I'd use the medals and the opening group number in the gala as arguments that Texas should never host anything skating-related ever again. Ashley looked great, though, and it was nice to see her doing well. Mariah really didn't need that schmoozing moment with Eteri, but she shouldn't have been put in the position to have to interact with her as a host there, either. Zak looked great in his fitted shirt in the EX so he should reconsider that green pillowcase with a neck cut out he was wearing in the FD. And wth is the Germans' EX, is she supposed to be blind in it? You'd think someone would reject an idea like that from the outset, but someone placed 6th at the 2018 Olympics with similar nonsense in the dance, so why would they? Anyway, I'm so excited for next week, when I get to drag Wesley's R&J shirt and see whether Piper and Paul will delight or disappoint me. Toodeloo!

More correct opinions! Thanks for sharing all your wonderful thoughts, nonny. It was so fun reading all these!

[spymeister]

(one thing) I sometimes wish things could've been different between us.

He wishes it could have been different between them, but sometimes you can't direct how life is going to go. He'd stayed as close to Ratchet as he could without being intrusive, watching the mechanism's relationship and life twist and turn from behind a smoky looking-glass. The one chance he might have had had been over the moment that the swordsmech had stepped back into the medic's life.

There was no way he could compete with that- so he didn't.

Instead, he did what he was best at- taking out threats and opposition from the shadows. Ratchet and Drift will never know how many bounty hunters went missing at his claws and vibroblades. Won't know how many mechanisms he threatened with his reputation on pain of death to keep them safe and content.

Of course, he'd heard about the other's terminal condition too little, too late- and had only been able to visit once before the mechanism had finally deactivated. It'd been bittersweet, and he'd seen how happy the former 'Con had made the medic. It'd only cemented that he'd done the right thing, that he'd kept out of it so he wouldn't make a mess of both their functionings.

He'd held those gentle hands once last time, kissing the mechanism's forehelm between his chevron before he'd taken his leave for the last time. And if he'd drank himself into a black-out for the first time in four million years at the dive bar he'd personally claimed as his own refuge?

Well, that's no issue but his own.

He'd waited until the other mechs had said their piece and dispersed. Had waited until Drift had wandered off with Rodimus, watching the two of them walk alongside as Minimus approached the Captain's other side. Had waited until they were out of optic and audial shot, before turning to the memorial with it's assortment of innermost energon.

Black claws offer his own, carefully putting it on the lip of the memorial. They brush over the glyphs of the other's name, the small phrase summing up the other's life in succinct words. It's both fitting, and can't say enough about the mechanism. His knees wobble, and he folds down into a seated position- claws still touching the metal as if he could sense that staccato rhythm of the other's strong spark beneath.

"Hi Ratch," he begins finally- voice pitched low. "Sorry ah ain't been here to visit. Been tough, ya know? Missed ya, and it ain't the same without ya- wanted to tell ya so much, but you were happy."

Clawtips carefully tracing the elegant glyphs making up the other's designation with a gentle gesture.

"Didn't wanna make a mess of your life, bother the happiness ya found. Loved ya so damn much, and still do. Hope Drift don't mind that I carry part of ya around with me. These days, I'll take what I can get."

His lips twist upwards into a ghost of his formal jovial smile.

"Wanna hear what ah did today? Can promise it'll make ya laugh."

His helm cants to one side, as if listening to a reply- before chuckling. Lateral vents on either side widen as he sucks in a breath, and rests his chin on his free servo before launching into a story. It's over-the-top as ever, and in his processor- he can hear the other's rough laugh. It's just the sort of idiocy and consequences blend that he knows Ratchet would have appreciated.

And honestly, this little moment?

It helps, making him feel closer to the medic- giving him a form of grieving, of closure that he knows won't heal for a while. But Ratchet taught him that, that the deepest wounds always heal the slowest- but they do heal.

It just takes a little time, and a little care; Primus knows he has both in abundance at the moment.

He'll make it, he always does.

[jaehyunoos]

— chocolate vanilla

pairing; boyfriend!jaehyun x reader

genre; comedic angst?? fluff, comedy <3

word count; 2.338k

quarantine was a real pain in the arse. arguing back and forth had become a routine for you and jaehyun, you had seriously become tired of all the times you argued over every little small thing, it always had to be a big deal for him and sometimes you but it was seriously so uncalled for. you were pretty sure your relationship had turned into a toxic bandwagon and everyone had jumped on it resulting in this whole mess of arguments which, to be honest, drained your energy every time. you loved jaehyun, you really did, with all of your heart and soul. he had everything anyone could've wished for, looks, talents, personality, and a very pretty girlfriend by his side. he was perfect, really, but he... he had one flaw. one. damn. flipping. flaw.

"so you're seriously telling me that chocolate-flavored ice cream is superior to vanilla?" you slammed your hand onto the table. "HA, let me laugh for a sec, chocolate SUCKS" you watched as jaehyun gasped like he was offended by what you had spurred out of your mouth. "watch your words y/n, i won't hesitate" his eyes turned dark, and eyebrows raised as he pointed his index finger at you.

"you won't hesitate what jaehyun? you have to admit it already that obviously vanilla is very superior to chocolate, you can take your flavorless, poop-looking thing and shove it up your ass" jaehyun once again put a hand on his chest, obviously offended. you looked at him and he looked at you, gazes threatening each other, both of you had your hands resting on the table in an almost threatening-to-attack way. jaehyun sitting in front of you, he was lucky the table was separating you two or you would have clawed his eyes out by now. "how could you? after everything we've been through, how could you break us apart like that by one damn sentence?"

jaehyun looked so offended his neck had gone red and his nails lightly scratched the table every time you spoke. he slammed his hand down onto the table for the umpteenth time "you're so gonna pay for this." he looked at you one more time and stormed into your shared room, slamming the door in the process. you scoffed, sitting back on your chair trying to focus on continuing your essay. it was simple as that, the argument started out of nowhere you sitting on the kitchen table trying to finish your essay which was due at midnight, online classes had taken the best of you, sitting in front of a damn screen every day was making you wanna pull your hair out of your scalp and on top of that you had your arguments with your petty ass boyfriend every freaking second of the day. he was unbearable, when you first moved in together there was no arguing, you almost barely saw each other at home and when you wanted time with each other it always went as smooth as butter.

but after the pandemic everything changed, you knew your boyfriend like the back of your hand but honestly, he was so cranky every day that resulting in your fights every freaking second of the day. the fire started spurting as jaehyun had entered the kitchen to grab his phone. "i'm gonna order some ice cream do you want some?" he had asked you "sure" you replied to him without looking up from your computer. "which flavor do you want? there are only 4 flavors available right now, chocolate" he smiled "cheesecake" he kept on smiling "mint choco" he grimaced "and... vanilla" he made a gagging sound. slamming your laptop close "i want vanilla" you crossed your hands together looking at him "you're such a loser, vanilla? bleh" he laughed at you. he did. he did done laugh at you. did he just laugh at you? "do you wanna die?" you put your hand in a fist, eyes widening. "please vanilla is so bad chocolate is superior to it anyways" jaehyun laughed once again "i will not tolerate any vanilla flavor slander you stupid ass moron" jaehyun gazed at you from his phone, he looked away, tongue poking his cheek as he looked your way again.

"what did you say-" yeah you know how that one went on...

the clock struck 8:30 pm you finished your essay closing your laptop, got up to put it in your room, and then make dinner. truth is, jaehyun was still salty about it, he had not gone out of your room ever since your petty fight, you weren't over it but you already forgot about it, shrugging it off. but jaehyun being jaehyun well... he didn't.

finishing your cooking you opened the door to your room, jaehyun was by his side, back turned to you as the duvet swallowed him in. you let out a sigh, making your way towards him. you patted his back "hey dinner's ready come eat" he didn't move an inch "jaehyun, get up and come eat" you sighed when he gave no reaction and left the room, if jaehyun didn't want to eat then that means more food for you.

eating your meal you put jaehyun's food in a container on the table because you already knew he was gonna get up at midnight and search for food like a damn mouse. he was so flipping stubborn but so were you. setting up some popcorn you were sprawled on the couch watching supernatural, your favorite show, which you binge-watched with jaehyun. you're pretty sure he's gonna be 2x times more pissier than he already was if he finds out you're continuing the show without him, but you didn't care. around midnight you heard the bedroom door open and close and you saw jaehyun zooming towards the kitchen, his hair pointing in each direction as he rubbed his eyes. you immediately went soft, he slept his saltiness away.

after a while of hearing utensils clicking you saw jaehyun coming out of the kitchen and again storming into the bedroom, closing the door shut. you let out a sigh he was giving you the silent treatment again. when the clock struck 2 you got up shutting off the tv and getting the popcorn to the kitchen, you made sure every window was closed and the door was locked before going in the room to take a nice sleep. entering the room you saw jaehyun sitting on the bed playing with his phone, you changed into your pajamas and fell into the bed, ready to sleep. now you were salty, not even a goddamn goodnight kiss or at least a simple "goodnight" he didn't give, you sighed turning towards him, he had his back turned on you. sighing again "you're such a petty fucking asshole" you muttered making sure he heard, you took your pillow and a duvet from the closet and went to sleep on the sofa.

it's been a week. a damn week he still hadn't talked to you, not even a glance. you honestly were the glad cause that meant no more petty fights but you seriously missed him and his goodnight kisses. so you started to make a plan with hyuck called 'reversed cold shoulder' yeah that was definitely donghyuck's idea and you weren't sure but you wanted to do it nevertheless. the plan was simple you'll make him talk to you and then you would be the one not talking to him. honestly, it's a pretty smart plan considering hyuck came up with it.

"plan starts now" you whispered on the phone, you and hyuck were going to try and make him jealous, crossing your fingers, you let out a sigh "let's go" hyuck cheered from the other line. "oh yeah you know same stuff" you entered the room, jaehyun was sitting on the bed again, you didn't even look at him. "where is he?" hyuck asked trying to control his laugh and you continued with the plan "well yeah i mean he was cute, first time appearing in our class. he even shared his notes with me, honestly, that was so thoughtful i was really touched" you opened the closet pretending you're trying to find something. phone between your ear and shoulder you were acting as if you were choosing a new duvet to sleep. letting out a cute giggle "hyuck stop i told you he was cute what else u want me to say" hyuck had gathered the dreamies and they were laughing so hard on the other line.

you looked at jaehyun through the mirror in your closet he was on his phone but he looked like he was eavesdropping. "what do you mean to get his number hyuck are you crazy" you giggled once again, no reaction from jaehyun and honestly you were so disappointed, he was usually the jealous type but him acting that way made you think maybe he didn't want you anymore. you heard renjun grab the phone "did he have any reaction yet?" he excitedly asked, you gave a fake giggle "no not yet" you heard the boys sigh at the other line, jaemin grabbed the phone "what the fuck that's so not jaehyun" he sounded confused "i know right" you said with a fake smile, you don't know why it hurt you so much that he didn't react or get jealous, maybe he was tired of you. "okay give me the phone i got a plan that seriously is going to make him fume" mark said.

"okay listen to me i'm gonna have jeno text you something and right now you are gonna pretend on the phone that the dude texted you his phone number and then you're gonna act like you're gonna call with him and flirt but it would be just jeno" mark finished "milk that's so smart coming from you" hyuck sarcastically said, and you laughed, these boys .. they never let him catch a break. "okay so i'm texting you now," jeno said "let's go" chenle cheered. "wait hyuck someone texted me" you grabbed a duvet and strode to the door "hyuck oh my god he texted me his number, be right back i'm gonna call him," you said as you went out of the room and shut the door "okay now call me," jeno said as you cut hyuck's line off.

you called jeno immediately and started talking "okay listen to me you're gonna say nice to meet you and stuff and you're gonna pretend you don't have a boyfriend, chenle's idea," jisung said. "okay well i'm a literature major" you flirted on the phone, you were sprawled on the sofa one hand holding the phone and the other twisting a strand of your hair while smiling. "his name is gonna be hyunjae" hyuck laughed with evil in his voice. you suddenly heard the door open and jaehyun was taking slow steps towards the kitchen "oh no i don't have a boyfriend, what was your name again? oh yeah hyunjae pretty name for a pretty boy-" you were cut off by jaehyun snatching the phone from your hands "what the hell do you think you're doing?" he quickly ended the call throwing the phone back on the sofa, you looked at him not uttering a word, grabbing your phone you stormed to your room.

with jaehyun following suit behind you, you lay on the bed "we seriously fought, and you're gonna try and cheat on me like that" so he believed it huh, the inner you was laughing maniacally, he really bought it you can't wait to tell the boys about it. "i am talking to you" jaehyun stood in front of you as you looked at him in the eyes not uttering a word. jaehyun seemed upset, he was so jealous. "you're really gonna do this?" he said, poor baby, he was shaking, he really was that upset and your heart started hurting, you kinda regretted trying that plan now. you turned your back on him, you felt so bad "if you hate being with me that much that you go talk with other men then maybe we should break up" you heard him say, you swear you felt your heart falling to your stomach when you heard him sniffling, jeong jaehyun was crying, he was really crying. you turned and looked at him. "let's break up then" you said, you were obviously joking with him now.

"..what" you heard him whisper his eyes wandering to the floor "let's break up," you said, your heart breaking in the process "as you wish then uh i'm gonna get my things" you heard him go to the bathroom, he came out shoving a few clothes in his bag "i'm going to stay at taeyong's uh if you change your mind and wanna talk, call me" he walked to the main door. okay now you had enough, running after him you jumped in his embrace. "stupid stupid boy, did you really think i would break up with you this easily? you're literally my soulmate" you wiped his tear away and kissed his nose.

"why did you talk to him then? is it because i wouldn't talk to you?" he asked and you giggled "baby it was just hyuck and the boys we came up with a plan to make you talk to me again, there's no hyunjae" he let out a relieved sigh, he let his bag down and he took the jacket off "let's lay down here" you pointed to the sofa "you seriously broke my heart today" he said "you're stupid where did you think you were gonna go? it's 1 in the morning and we're in quarantine" you lightly slapped his arm "i couldn't think straight, i'm sorry" he kissed you.

"no i'm sorry i didn't mean all of this to happen, you were so salty over the ice cream flavors for a whole week" you kissed his nose.

"well i mean you said ice cream chocolate sucks" he chuckled.

"but it does" you chuckled back up.

"what did you just say-?".

here we go again.

y'all sjsjajs sorry for being so inactive, here u go <3

let's pretend the supposed hyunjae texted her his number on instagram 💔😂

[teangeri]

shin soukoku week 2019 — unfamiliar, unknown, new.

day one, tickle a dragon's tail. [ also in ao3 ]

Today, the sun waved good bye to Ryuunosuke as the moon replaced it moments after.

Tonight, it greeted him like a familiar. Tonight, the stars were cowards. Tonight the sky was clear save for the moon, and Yokohama's city lights faded in the background as he felt the wind kiss his cheeks. Tonight, the noises in the background sounded quiet and just. Tonight, his muscles ached from fighting yet another fight he won. Tonight, the exhaustion was minimal compared to the calmness engulfing him.

This was all familiar.

"You know, you could have just told me that you just liked me instead of fighting me for this spot."

That was not familiar. The weretiger leaned over the railings as the seawater gushed against the port walls, a gentle smile lapping at the corners of his lips. Heterochromatic eyes so kaleidoscopic it was as if they swirled against each other as Ryuunosuke stared into them more. His voice was quiet and reserved, it wasn't like when they stood against each other, ability to ability—claws to cloth. Right now, it was silently directed to his person, not his deed. Right now, staring into his eyes was not something he dreaded anymore.

Ryuunosuke leaned his back on the railings, facing the opposite side as Atsushi who fancied staring at the sea and the part of the city that laid just across. Boats littered the other side of the port as the cargo men exchanged banter. Their talk didn't reach them, though. It was when he was with Atsushi that he felt barriers around him, trapping both of hem in one space, not letting anybody else inside. Before, he had acknowledged it as suffocating. Or maybe it was only because he couldn't handle the foreign glimpse of affection slowly blooming inside his chest. Now, he knew it was overwhelming. Like anticipation. Like hope.

"You would've laughed at me." And so, Atsushi did.

"It would only be because of endearment." He scooted closer to Ryuunosuke, leaning into the crook of his neck, resting his chin on his shoulder, only to pull back and look at him with something other than kaleidoscopes in his eyes. What was it? He wouldn't have known even when the answer came out of Atsushi's lips.

This was not familiar. When Atsushi looked at him before, it was malice and disbelief, as if he couldn't register Ryuunosuke at all. When Atsushi looked at him now, he was the one who couldn't register anything from the look. 

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" Like centuries. Like planets. Like forming names out of constellations. Like battered up converse shoes in the middle of a hike. Like that one moment time stops and you just stare at an empty space, waiting for time to move inside your ribs again. Like desired damnation.

"Like you're starving and I'm your last meal." 

Atsushi only stared at him. Then that stupidly mesmerizing smile of his slowly touch his lips. "Are you even edible?"

Ryuunosuke scoffed, Atsushi just giggles. "Quit laughing, jinko, it's not cute."

When Atsushi moved his chin up to meet Ryuunosuke's eyes, he knew he was damned.

When Atsushi slowly shifted so he'd stand on his tip toes, he knew he wouldn't do anything to stop it.

When Atsushi's lips made home at his own, Ryuunosuke didn't know anything else but that lingering sensation.

Today, Ryuunosuke was bored. And he was familiar with boredom.

There wasn't anything he could do after finishing up his job for today. It could've been better if he could've just killed two or three people, but that was not gonna happen. Not when he exchange kisses with the weretiger every night and his morals suddenly become Ryuunosuke's rehabilitation. Not when he made him want this gnawing sense of justification.

Walking along the alleys to the Armed Detective Agency had never been so familiar, but it was now. He clutched his phone to his ear as Atsushi rambled about his work today and that he may need some help—Ryuunosuke's help, to be exact. For some reason, working together is something they did best albeit not standing each other for how long. And Ryuunosuke admits, he still can't stand the weretiger's naivety when it comes to tactical missions—after all, he was not accustomed to this. As Ryuunosuke was not accustomed to the figure running up to meet him, with his cheery smile and him waving as if Ryuunosuke had any trouble with spotting him along a crowd.

As if.

“I thought you'd be busy.”

A smile.

“I finished early.”

A scoff.

“So you can help me out?” Atsushi grinned. “For the whole day?”

Another scoff.

“Let's get moving before I change my mind.”

And so he let Atsushi lead the way.

“Kunikida-san told me I should do some research on the target's workplace, so now we're gonna do that.” Ryuunosuke hummed in response. “And then we're going grocery shopping because I ran out of food at home.”

“That's not part of the job.” Ryuunosuke whined, already dreading the fact that he wants to go with him anyway.

“It isn't.” Atsushi folded the papers he was reading a while ago and motioned his chin up to meet Ryuunosuke's eyes. This again. “But we're doing it anyway!”

Yep, they're doing it anyway. Maybe he could get used to this, being together with Atsushi, shopping with him, kissing him. But that wasn't easy, and so was walking the streets out on the broad daylight with stares of people directed at him—their eyes keen on observing, they knew what danger looked like. And as dangerous as he was seen, the only true danger for Ryuunosuke was this: The unfamiliar. The unknown. The new.

Atsushi.

Ryuunosuke always saw the unfamiliar as dangerous. He knew how much foreign things hinder him from controlling the outcomes. He knew how risky these feelings are, and he knew what was at risk. Everything could go wrong—he could be eaten up by these emotions, much less them take over his logical thinking; he could be destroyed by them in the most unexpected way—and yet here he was, witnessing every bit of his restraint diminish into nothingness. It was these instances when he knew he shouldn't have, but still refused to hold back.

And who knows, maybe he'll get used to these foreign feelings someday.

The ache in his wounds had always been familiar. He always attained them in the slums way before he attained them in the mafia. Pain was no mystery for someone who lived off bleeding out his own breakfast—stealth, revenge, darkness,  silence, chaos, silent chaos.

Now it was this: Atsushi in his weretiger form moving like light against darkness—fast and relentless, as if his weaknesses were at his mercy. It was at these instances when Ryuunosuke admired him the most. It was when he was beside him in battle that he felt strong—without anybody else's approval. It was when the tiger's claws were his claws, and rashoumon's jaws became Atsushi's jaws—it was when they were one that he felt as if the unknown was fun instead of dangerous.

But today was dangerous.

Today, they were against something far more powerful—it was different from when they fought against each other for the first time, and it was different from when they fought alongside each other the first time.

Today, they might actually lose.

He wasn't wounded that much, but his body was wearing out. He was exhausted and every move he made made his body scream—everything around him was going mute, he was giving up.

“If you lose like this, I won't forgive you.” The look in Atsushi's eyes burned hotter than any hell fire. “I'm borrowing your words, since you seem to have forgotten them.”

Just like that, Atsushi took over his mind again. His voice reverberating against his ears, cleansing every dark thought into hope.

And he hated it so much.

He wasn't supposed to live in the light—it was too bright, and blinding. It hurted and costed a lot. He wasn't supposed to be engulfed by hope, because hope promised failure. It hurted and costed a lot. He wasn't supposed to let the feelings in, because loving Atsushi promised losing him. It hurted and costed a lot. He wasn't supposed to his answer, and yet every question in his head demanded the same solution.

God, he hated it so much.

And yet here he was, smirking at Atsushi—ignoring the faint wounds on his face that will soon heal—giving him the comfort of hope.

“We won't lose.”

Maybe he could get used to this.

Winning was familiar too. He wouldn't say he always experienced it—but he knew the feeling. He always saw it as a scenery, not a prize.

Sometimes, it was his enemies' bodies' blood coating the floors, their pained screams echoing in his ears as the time of killing them passed and he was done for today's work.

Sometimes, it was the tea Gin prepared when he got home from work—it was time with his only family. It was Gin's giggles when she told him about what happened at work today, or when she needed new daggers. It was comfortable.

Sometimes, it was seeing Yokohama safe. Albeit possessing no kind of actual attachment to the city, he still valued it as his own. This was his ground—this was where he stood at, and this is what he'll fight for.

Sometimes, it was the weretiger's smile directed at him when their enemy is sustained to defeat. It was his stupid face and his stupidity and his stupid, stupid smile. It was him caving in and feeling his body tremble with excitement as the fight mode subsided. It was his arms around his waist and his hair tickling the tip of his nose—unfamiliar, unknown, new.

Atsushi.

It was all of that.

It was now: Them at the port at night when the sun had set and the city's lights echoed at the distance, the fishermen's clattering with their catches as they moved and moved like the busy bodies they were, the wind kissed his cheeks as the stars freckled the sky.

This was all familiar.

And then there was him.

“Are you fully recovered yet?” Atsushi said as he leaned against the railing, the sound of the sea splashing against the port's wall made him feel calm.

Ryuunosuke sighed, facing Atsushi, pulling him into his chest as he took his fair share of how good his hair smelled like. The weretiger relaxed in his embrace, letting Ryuunosuke take all the contact he needed before he pulls away again. He knew he wasn't used to him, and all this time, he'd been waiting. Ryuunosuke had always been hungry for affection, but Atsushi had been starved for longer than he thought.

Loving him was ruination. It was as if he had doused the whole house in kerosene and he held a lit match in the middle of the carnage—threatening to burn and eat at his flesh. It felt like the roar of static in your ears when you've screamed too much. It felt like the fall of the mighty. It wasn't supposed to be, in any way possible. It was unfamiliar. Unknown. New. And yet he had not been used to the dark until he had learned to wear it. He had not been used to the city's skies until he had stared at it for years. He had not been used to danger until he had learned to look at it straight in the eyes—who knew danger had heterochromatic eyes?

“Don't ask.” He said once he pulled away, staring back at Yokohama's busy night life. Atsushi leaned into his shoulder.

He gave him a laugh. “Not planning to.”

“Don't laugh, too.” He groaned when Atsushi continued laughing anyway. “We already discussed this.” He gestured to both of them.

“This,” Atsushi mirrored his gesture. “isn't why I'm laughing.”

Ryuunosuke looked at him and his mind screamed for him to land just one light punch. But he decided against it. “I wasn't thinking about punching you.”

“You're always thinking about punching me.”

“Touché.”

“Hey Ryuu,” Atsushi's eyes met his again. This time he made sure to keep them locked at each other. “I love you.”

He didn't respond immediately. His mind refurbished it's clogs and he did all he could to not make an embarrassing sound as he processed those words over and over. He could deal with the kisses, and the other show of affection that involved physical contact. Those were things he was slowly getting used to, slowly familiarizing with. Those three words were far too foreign. Out of this world.

They were dangerous.

He couldn't verbally respond, but the fact that he couldn't stop his hands from cupping Atsushi's cheeks and pressing his lips to his was enough of an answer for now—this felt like home. This will be its home now. He could get used to this, he was willing to gamble, willing to risk, willing to win, willing to lose. If it was him—unknown,unfamiliar, new—he would always be willing.

After all, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke had always lived a dangerous life.