#you dont have to reblog its just apart of the meme

[ribcagewolf]

pro ED dni and i mean it. i get we're all struggling but its the only thing i have in my dni and ppl still arent listening. having to look through blogs and read this shit in order to know who to block is fucking me up please.

gonna be very clear about what i mean in the tags.

[quirkthieves]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME: viverra ! but ive also been called vixen, dogma, gabe, etc. any works

PRONOUNS : he/him

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : big big fan of discord. tumblr ims are hard for me to read </3

NAME OF MUSE(s) : monoma neito, ibara shiozaki, chitose kizuki/curious, kaina tsutsumi/lady nagant, setsuna tokage, ryo inui/hound dog, natsuo todoroki, kendou itsuka, hinata haruka, nobimaru, inari yoko, marik ishtar, ishizu ishtar, rishid ishtar, atem, and lacramioara strigoi.

jesus christ who let me do this

BEST EXPERIENCE : ummm gee okay i cant just name one it turns out life is actually about the accumulation of small joys and not just a few big ones but every time i get in the car and listen to my music and go OH! THIS REMINDS ME OF THIS PERSONS MUSE AND OUR DYNAMIC! or when talking to people inspires me to draw little comics (esp while im at work let me live) it really just makes me so so happy

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : im pretty chill for the most part i think like ive definitely mellowed out a lot over the past few years but. i gotta say it:

formatting. the over-formatting of everything is killing me. i cant read most peoples carrds. i dont even know how they read it, because of how insanely tiny the text is. eye strain colors, hard to see icons, weird fonts... i dont mind a little bit of formatting, naturally, like go girl give us everything, but its getting to the point of being genuinely frustrating that almost every new blog i encounter has me fighting for my life just trying to learn the important info. i have visual and neurological issues please lord im only seven

MUSE PREFERENCES: seconding cam on if the "when someones pulled a muse apart like the spaghettification of a star and then put them back together". its fascinating. i think the fun part about rp is that i get just as invested in my partners character and what they get out of each thread as much as i do mine, so when people sit there and talk about their ideas and meta and really dig into that thing like . WHOOO NOW WE'RE COOKING

PLOTS OR MEMES : I like both! I think memes are good to kick things off regardless, and I dont mind building off of it. I like to plot a lot ooc but more in a loosey-goosey kind of way; i really like to get to know other muns and their characters and also talking is just sort of how i think through things so its very helpful to me. i also just get a lot of ideas because these things live rent free in my head but to me a natural progression is more important than like, sticking to a script.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : i write insanely long replies because i have things wrong with me. theres NEVER any pressure to length match-- a lot of the time im just doing it to establish exposition or setting so the other person finds it easier to work with. just give me something i can work with and we are a ok :D

BEST TIME TO WRITE : it really depends... i typically end up writing in the evening/afternoon because of my schedule. i think the biggest thing is that i work on weekends, so you may only hear from me ooc on those days. im also really trying to fix my sleep schedule.........to varying levels of success. sometimes the thread is too good

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : just talking about monoma here... i've also got a pretty snappy mouth and natural love of finding loopholes, but i just went into paralegal instead of making it class A's problem. i also love to laugh, but id like to think im a lot less meanspirited about it

tagged: @dynmghts

tagging: @veroxins @cloistress @killerhubby @enignoema @eclipsemuses @yeonban @starshinc @ofluminance @paracide @ohcruel

[s0lar-ch3ri]

yippee new pinned

yeah, ik, a new pin? but the other one felt too fucking long for me okay??

also its my blog so yeah anyways:

(image id: a banner with a purple background and gold accents. in the middle is big yellow text that reads "This user was apart of the July-RWI 6th RPF event." END id.)

(image id: a banner with flowers and white accents surrounding it. in the middle is bright pink text that reads "This user was apart of the July-RWI 2st RP event." below in smaller white glowing text reads "THIS BANNER WAS MADE BY @/S0LAR-CH3RI ON TUMBLR" END id.) (the slash is not there in image, i am making sure it doesnt tag me)

hey there, im the sapphic bigender slut running this blog! i use any pronouns, though i prefer he/her/it/sol (this can change so yeagh lmao). i like dogs and have some ill talk about, but im mostly a blog about writing and ramblers (with some art posts mixed in, youll know where to find them below soon)

if you want more info on the blog, check out this carrd! (and if you want to know what my past 2 old pinned posts looked like...)

-link to the 2nd or the one before this one -link to the 1st or the first of them all

i run a shit ton of rp blogs. like A LOT of absurb ones. luckily, one of my rp blogs (@oncewaskas) has a full list of the others and shit in their pin! also my friend muffin has a big big fucking rp blog list go check it out rn its so big and cool also check xem out please please please please please please they need more attention xeyre so so cool JUST RAHHHHHHHHH

(update on the thing above: heres a link to the post with all of my blogs, not just jrwi non-oc blogs)

now for tags (do be warned, there is A LOT.) (for fun im putting in parenthesizes all the refs the tags has if theres any) (also ive tried seperating them into categories where they match and shit): -

#not my usual content = might be more serious, just something i dont normally talk about (example: something that happened to me) #silli promo = im probs promoing my fics or smth #chilling in solar lights = just talking lol (sun reference) #op is not okay lmao = mostly on my older posts, im just going batshit insane bout smth - #cheri's insane again = theories >:) [i have several theory tags, this is for the more crazy/out there theories, example being my hair thief theory] #theories with cheri = like GTMTMP (game theory minus the mat pat) but for series i watch instead [also for the lesser crazier and more tame and/or plausible ones] #the rambler. = character/interest rambles - #cherry's fruity art basket = posting my own original art (like a fruit basket, also a lot of my characters are gay so yeah) #cheri's art findings = reblogging other peoples art, whatever form it may take (like fruit findings, another basket thing) #the (genderneutral) sons of this solar sun =talking about my ocs (i use gendered words ungendered, sun reference) #the bright smoothie of words = my writings (light and sun ref) #prepping for the shiney smoothie = talking about my writing and possibly also art (my writing tag is about a smoothie) - #the generator is back :) = ive used the trauma generator i found to meme something - #kingdoms of chaos = my old dnd campaign i played AND my first ever! (name of campaign) #in space chaos = the dnd campaign i curently am in, probs will talk about it saterdays (when its staerday here i mean) cause thats our campaign days (play on the name "kingdoms of chaos", if the campaign does get an actual name then im fucked lmao) #the chaos plans = a dnd campaign i wanna set up and dm for friends {wont be posrting this one much as 2 people who i want playing the campaign are on tumblr. unless they block tags then i cant do shit} (name play for "kingdoms of chaos") #gnashing teeth baby <3 = another campaign im in, probs gonna talk about this one the most (name of campaign is gnashing teeth, in reference to "WELCOME BACK TO JUST ROLL WITH IT BABY", "[insert thing here] my beloved <3") - #the pancake incident = the time i went crazy in comments to get a post to 10k notes (WE HAVE A LINK!! here it is for those unable to use the imbedded ones and what not: https://www.tumblr.com/b0nkcreat/730895614697766912/hello-everyone-i-would-just-post-the-image-here?source=share&ref=_tumblr) #ghe ersaer saga = the saga where i show off/talk about me fuckass erasers #the 2 birdies :) and gay se- = a tag for the stupid joke i have with my bud ev about the necklace with the fucking birds - #the autism is inspired?? = i found something that for whatever reason inspires me to write or whatever #just like a cool rock = like a cool rock, something interesting i found and must show the world #ohhhhhhhhhh me boobies saving for a03 = some actual writing advice thing ive found that im gonna save lol

-

#new info dropped for my brain = saving smth just cause rather then interesting #sending to the catagorized fan rays = saving fandom things (fan like fandom, rays like sun rays)

-

#*points at me* GAY = im experiencing immense attraction and you will comply (ref to how people point at others and call them gay for silly shit) - #the light in life = my dog has arrived (light and sun reference, you get it) #the fire of the sun = treasures, my dog for the tag above, brother (sun has fire) - #answers from the aster caster = ref to mythborne [a just roll with it oneshot] and a name i like, basically for asks lol

-

#a sun spirits dance. = for if im playing my sona or whateves lol

-

#jerwee supreme = a tag containing almost all my jrwi rambles (just roll with it in its shortened from is pronounced like jur-wee, weeb supreme is condis role in condicord which im in) #ghostly gazes into future eps = my fake transcripts, might be only pd but we'll see (reference to a line in a pd intro rap from will)

--

now with those out the way, i do have a mythborne related series im starting up, and you can suggest things i write! the way to do so is in the carrd i mentioned before. since i can, im mentioning those series now!

#the rats rise again! - the aforementioned series, will be drawn if requested (you can mention it on the form in like the complaints area lol) #game theory minus the matpat - i talked about it before, the carrd has all the info you need, yeah #Paranormal Callings (And How We Got You Out) - while i do wanna start it, to me it makes more sense drawn out in a comic like style, and id need to make a couple so i dont feel bad on leaving it out

--

heres mutual/friend/family tags:

#jrwi by non jrwi enjoyer = im talking to my non just roll with it friend on just roll with it [will be used for them in general, not just jrwi, its just mostly jrwi] #epic artist = im talking about my niece #silly billy goose = im talking about my cousin #SEXY MOTORCYCLE!!! = ive finally given into urges and started talking about my lovely (ex gf now friend) (a nickname for them based off an old tumblr post thing i dont remember) (not really used here any more) #piss dolphin mutual = a fun tumblr mutual i have on here (based off a fanfic line they wrote) #soup bubbles on the blr = another fun mutual i know (accidentally called them soup when their nickname was soap, soap has bubbles to it, reblogging their posts puts them on my tumblr dash so blr) #my enablerrrrrr = FELIS TIME YAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYYY ("enabled" by them to do stupid shit like writing silly things) (i also write fanfics so yeah)

have a question? check the carrd or just ask lol okay bye

starting a collection of images because i can:

^ tags can be found on @/okcoolthanks i just dont have the energy to link post

[gloaming-sometimes]

silas || he/it/ey || 18 || 🏳️‍⚧️⚢⚣

(last updated july 13th, 2024)

a little about me/this blog :o)

this is my catch-all blog, i post whatever i want and if you happen to be in the realm of my niche then cool, lets take ibuprofen together

^ im currently deep in an interview with the vampire (amc)/vampire chronicles obsession so ill be reblogging/posting about that frequently for the foreseeable future. disclaimer: im not very far in the books, but from what i have read from anne rice (all of iwtv, part of the wolf gift, part of tvl) i love her work

^^ as of rn i tag s2 spoilers unless its so out of context or vague (some fanart and memes, basically) its not really a spoiler. i probably wont do this forever its just for one of my friends who follows this blog lol

heres my neocities with more info about me!!

no dni but i block freely o7. bigots and other "basic dni criteria" are an instant block.

tagging system below

queer culture, identity, history, theory, etc. (including mogai/radically inclusive/neo-terms) are a big special interest of mine so that will be a common thing reblogged about!!

i take requests for queer terms/flags! more info on that below :3

my boyfriend-girlfriend is @heterocerapunk <3

i run a queer discord server. you should check it out, if you want :3

previous usernames: klyntarix -> vampire-transsexual -> gloaming-sometimes

flag/term requests are open!!

i will do genders, orientations, flag remakes, flag combos (3 or 4 terms max), most "miscellaneous" terms (aldernic, allion, etc)

i won't do endogenic, radqueer, delusional attachment/"irl", any terms im not comfortable with, terms for certain groups im not apart of (mainly applies to terms for cultures/races/disabilities im not apart of/i dont have, i might do some for queer identities i dont identify with)

tagging system

doinkus.txt for any original posts/reblogs with text

doinkus coins stuff for term coining and flag making

doinkus saves for posts i wanna find easily

[roughentumble]

P, Q, & X for the ask meme!

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

dealing with dragons AU for the witcher. geralt is a young noble, but he's never been beloved by his family or his people, and he cant live up to their expectations. he excels in many areas, but none of them particularly where they want a prince to excel. finally, unable to bear it any longer, he runs away from home to seek out the dragons in the hills. when word gets out, his family back home thinks he's finally living up to his birthright to slay a mighty beast, but when he arrives with only the clothes on his back, he seeks nothing from them but a parley. he ends up in the care of a scrawny dragon(well. it's small /for/ a dragon) named jaskier. as geralt works to keep jaskier's caves in order, they grow closer, with jaskier appreciating his talents that lie outside what a prince ought to know, and geralt appreciates him for the things he knows that are outside what a dragon ought to. (perhaps he's learned how to play a stringed instrument despite his claws? blunting them so they arent as deadly, but are easier to use to play? something along those lines.)

their friendship-- and perhaps even the beginning blossomings of more-- are interrupted however, as knights start trickling in to challenge jaskier. when geralt never returned from his "quest", his parents naturally assumed he'd been slayed, and now that he is a true prince in death, they must avenge him...

(he's put out about it because he's not dead, he's right here thankyouverymuch)

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

the mcu. i was so huge into it, and i suppose i'm not entirely out of it because i'll still reblog old posts and read old fics n such! but man the movies just became so disappointing that i dont really think of myself as a fan anymore, and i dont go to see any of them. SIGH. captain america when you were good, i miss u baby

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

already answered this, but it doesnt hurt to give a second answer!

i LOVE outsider POV. inevitably what is most compelling about any ship is that they are in some way set apart from the norm, and seeing that from the eyes of an in-universe outsider is so COMPELLING and FASCINATING. some of my favorite spn episodes are when you have someone tailing the bros, looking at them like theyre crazy. fics like dear by potrix where we see a successive line of people seeing geralt and jaskier's relationship with preconceived notions, and then having their ideas challenged. hannibal&will may look normal at a glance, but 5 minutes with them and theyre Weird, and a final reveal as to the depth of their horror! people seeing the leverage crew work like a well oiled machine! its so DELICIOUS, i want there to be an outsider and i want to be in their mind as they experience the confusion and horror of a relationship so close and unknowable as to be threatening. i need outsider pov u dont understand

[phenomenalgirl9]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. learn to know your mutuals and followers. (love you`(*>﹏<*)′)

1. KPOP makes me immensely happy, It's been a source of my happiness and a hope that keeps me alive at this point. Kpop has given me friends that I didn't have (people just drop me). My Ults and my side stans, I am grateful to them. I've been using music as my gateway for a long time and Magic Shop is a place now, so well.

2. DRAMAS AND ANIME make me happy. Animes like Naruto have been giving me hope since long. Then there are characters like Kakashi and Gojo and I am obsessed with them. Also dramas BLs, and romance or fantasy or both. Yk I am obsessed with "The Untamed" and Legend of Fei at this point. They help me cheer myself up.

3. MY 2 BUDS. Going out with you and Theeta is a source of happiness. Drinking with you was a lovely experience and made me happy and alive in the real world after a long time. My friends genuinely make me happy. And I am so glad to have you.

4. CATS. My cats or cats in general actually. I love dogs too, most animals, apart from the once I am scared of. But, my cats even though they aren't interested help me alot. Talking to Kookie has often given me perspective in life. And their activities amuse me 24/7 and its a part of my lifestyle now. Also cat videos and memes!💕

5. READING AND WRITING. Writing has become an escape and so is reading. We all wanna escape our reality and what better than this. It truly makes me happy. I feel better after writing stuff down.

Thank you @jung-nika-hoseok for sending this. Hmmm passing it on is difficult I dont know much people. Love you too \(>_<)/💕

[hellokittysasuke]

I posted 5,287 times in 2022

That's 4,064 more posts than 2021!

69 posts created (1%)

5,218 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mettywiththenotes

@1rakus

@sasukechannel

@yugiohz

@sasubaeuchithot

I tagged 3,568 of my posts in 2022

Only 33% of my posts had no tags

#naruto - 1,187 posts

#sasuke - 594 posts

#jjk - 229 posts

#naruto & sasuke - 174 posts

#itachi - 159 posts

#sasukecor3 - 140 posts

#sausk4 - 134 posts

#orochimaru - 121 posts

#misc - 102 posts

#founders - 98 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i dont think its ever mentioned if the uchihas had their own traditional clan names but if they did this would mean sasuke doesnt have one

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

itachis narrative follows through at first, but falls apart if you inspect it. his story's actually quite inconsistent...

like only focusing on his treatment of sasuke, we are told he did it to make him stronger. but its all very vague and a flimsy excuse for the sheer agony and torture it caused to the brother he loved. his character or backstory didnt seem to be finalized when he was first introduced..

nevertheless i do love the 'actually he loved his brother' storyline. its very tragic. his canon actions offer a lot for interpretation...

i read a fic where itachi loved sasuke so much he killed the uchihas because he felt thy were trapping him and wanted to see sasuke fly. hmmmm*

possibilities...(the love can be twisted too)

i feel like all the anti itachi portay him as too...overly willing to kill his clan? (for the sake of konoha) wasnt danzos ultimatum (either every single uchiha dies at roots hands..or only sasuke will be spared if he does it himself) playing a major part in his decision??...

anyways kishimoto did end up creating one of the most iconic characters of anime/manga...

so im not complaining ...i dont think the uchiha storyline would be as memorable without the twist

*(i love pre reveal itachi and sasuke fics. the explanations they make for the massacre are always so interesting...)

21 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

#4

lmao how itachi didnt even kill shisui, his best friend, but told sasuke to kill his to get the mangekyou sharingan.

what would he have done if sasuke had actually killed naruto (his best friend then) only to find out itachi lied about killing shisui for power

wow can you imagine how awkward that would be

37 notes - Posted February 13, 2022

#3

the sound era trio- orochimaru sasuke & kabuto are peak comedy potential

their dynamic is SO funny to me but theres barely any content around them??? hello??

like orochimaru with his weird fake politeness and sadistic amusement vs kabuto who cant stand sasuke (and vice versa) but he has to be nice bcs this angsty preteen is his masters next vessel vs sasuke whos just here power and really doesnt give a shit about the other two, except for when he wants to take out his teenage angst by bullying kabuto,

46 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

#2

47 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

it will forever baffle me, all those memes that paint sasuke as this dumb, idiotic character that knows nothing and is a selfish brat for wanting to kill his brother who loves him and power-obsessed for leaving to orochimaru, and then pretend itachi didnt have any part in that. that that was all sasuke, uninfluenced.

setting aside the question of (his intentions, if it made sense, what was a better alternative, was it morally justified etc.) its a fact that the one who made him that way was... itachi. he was the one who told him to hate him, to kill his best friend for the mangekyou sharingan, to grow stronger, to cling to hate and revenge, to come after him to kill him. 

he was the one who told him he lacks enough hate, called him weak, and repeatedly used tsukoyomi to make him relive the massacre and hate him, therefore want to grow stronger to kill him. he actively hid the truth and manipulated it to be that sasuke would never find out, even after death, he was the one who took the brush and painted himself a mindless villain, just to make him hate him. that was all itachi. that was what drove him to orochimaru, to leave konoha, to try and cut off naruto. 

sasuke wasnt somehow naturally that way, (on the contrary, he went after itachi right after seeing his parents bodies, stopped himself from killing naruto)- itachi had to constantly influence him to fester hate that way. it was literally all part of itachis plan! itachi’s!!! people just ignore that, fuck?

like i love itachis character too, i genuinely enjoy his and sasukes storyline. this is not an attack on his character. its just kind of irritating when people lift him up while putting sasuke down by like, exaggerating and making him out to be a pathetic spoilt brat of a character and pretend itachis the actual and only victim bcs how terrible to have a brother who you love but wants to kill you, somehow ignoring that itachi was the one who manipulated his brother? like yeah itachi was manipulated and under pressure too, but in terms of his and sasukes relationship he is the one who lied!!!

like i dont even care about his mistakes or whatever, i care abt sasuke being made out to be the "villain" in their dynamic

51 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[siren-of-agony]

Okey, actual introduction post time!

I'm Lea, 29.

I'm never able to actually make short posts, so i'll put most of this under a read more, but here's the summary: I like most tropes so I can't promise that anything will not appear here, but I will tag original posts. I LOVE making playlists did quite a few whump playlists already! I'm also slowly trying to upload some of my writing!

My two Masterposts so far: Duochromatic - (The Taste of Fear)

I have been lurking in the tag ever since I first found it, and have also daydreamed about what I now know are whump scenarios my whole life.

I'm honestly not super picky and like most stuff, so trying to pick my fave tropes feels not rly possible :D like the uquiz by @royalwhumpness told me, I like 'general hurt/no comfort' (i do like comfort, but only when it shows the hardships of actually healing from trauma)

I do however, apart from tropes, love:

Memes, this will not stay serious

Women. I'm a big lesbian, and I just love women in all roles and all narratives, as long as it isn't misogynistic. Also, I'll tag everything w lady whump.

Making playlists! I love music, and I love to use them to daydream, so I make tons of playlists!

I don't really have any absolute nope-tropes, but there's some stuff I'm not a big fan of, so you won't see a lot of this here:

Sickfick/Medical whump etc (if there's anything medical, it will probably be me repackaging my rants about my own body as whump recs :D)

Pet stuff (if, then only the "after" part, since I'm just a bit fan of healing from trauma of ALL kinds)

legal slavery or anything too "society" based, I like it more... personal

non-humanoid creatures getting whumped. If it feels closer to an animal than a human it's just not my deal

People dying (like fine if they're side-characters, fine if it's faked death, fine if it's close to death, just no main character death-death)

Here's a more comprehensive list:

(whump tier list made by @snuffhimout and @coldresolve, click to make it readable)

Also extra shout out to @for-the-love-of-angst and @dont-touch-my-soup for just being wonderful and being my friend even if I just disppear of the face of the earth regularly

Also, some of the blogs which writings and prompts finally convinced me to make this blog so I can finally reblog and comment and like your stuff were @painsandconfusion @hurt-the-innocent-ones @quickhatchwhump @its-getting-worse @trope-appreciation-tuesdays @whumpwillow @patheticlittleguy and honestly, quite a few more, so thank you for that!

I will always tag my original posts with everything I think I should, if I forget sth, pls let me know! I will TRY to tag reblogs but uhhh I'm super forgetful, so be warned.

My pinned post has all the important links!

[aurora1040]

Normally I am very positive about being disabled. Im always looking at the positive while acknowledging the struggles. I reblog jokes and memes to make light of my life while spreading awareness to my followers.

....but not today.

Today is a bad day for me. Today I hate how disabled I am. Today I hate how broken and dysfunctional I am. Today I found out thay I cant even PRETEND to have anything at all together with my parents who live an entire state away. Im so broken that I cant even FAKE it. And today, its hitting me really, really hard.

Ive been crying for almost a half hour straight. Today, life SUCKS and I feel AWFUL and BROKEN and like a complete FAILURE. I lost at the game of life. The friend who came to unlock my door yesterday while I was face down got some of our friends to come clean my apartment while I was gone and dont get me wrong, I am incrediblu greatful and indebted to them for their act of kindness. I didnt like that they saw my apartment in such a terrible state, but I could handle that. One of them called to let my mom know how bad it was and honestly, while Mom was the last person on earth I wanted to know, I could handle that, too.

No, what got me was after i got back home from the hospital, mom sent me a text that she and dad *already had plans to come around the end of september because they already knew how badly i was struggling.* Thats a whole 8 hour drive.

That. Is what got me in tears. That. is why today is awful. Why today i hate being disabled. I hate having exective dysfunction and adhd. I hate having unexplained fatigue. I hate that there appears to be absolutely no evidence whatsoever in my blood work or heart monitor at the hospital to explain why me going off of salt made my legs give out from underneath me. I hate that i dont know how to properly advocate for myself. I hate it i hate it HATE IT

For the first time in a long time, i habe actually, consciously feel and think that I am a failure. DONT COME AT ME SAYING IM NOT. I am ALLOWED to have days where I just feel too much and hate it all. regardless of if its true or not, *that is how i feel. That is what im thinking.* This is not my default state of mind. Tomorrow I will be back to my self, the negative thoughts processed and filed away for when i finally see the therapist again. My coping mechanisms will be functioning properly again.

Just let me have one day. just ONE DAY to hate my lot in life. Just ONE DAY to hate myself. you can come at me tomorrow to check in on me if you want. I am safe, i am fine, i am not going to hurt myself or anyone else.

I just.... needed to let my feelings exist. be typed out so it can be tangible. And now that it is, i can process and move on after i get some rest and more water.

If youve read this far, comment with just a ♡ or a ☆. Either one is fine. no words. no tagging. just a heart or a star.

[beetleboo]

long post. one i’ve been trying to make for a while now. hell, i wrote this like... third week of may. didn’t post it until now because i didn’t know if I wanted to.

but something i want to lay out, been wanting to lay out for months. dont want to talk to anyone about it, just want to put the info out there for it to be seen.

if you re/blog this i will block you. i may put this on the relevant sideblog at some point.

because 2020 was the worst year on record for me for a number of reasons, and it’s torn me down to the lowest point i’ve been in a long time, and this is just. everything that’s gone down. not a callout post, no one gets named, but these are all the events

partially in relation to my fandom sideblog, because that’s where i had community, and where it’s all just. gone. doesnt exist anymore.

i started up a server, ages ago now. somewhere i curated to be a positive and safe space for things, and for a while, it was that.

around the end of 2019, spilling over to the start of 2020 when it picked up, i found, both on my blog and in discord spaces, in particular the server i ran, that people no longer talked to me. no one would hold a conversation with me past a few basic responses, no one replied to anything i shared, no one engaged when i tried to start discussions. so i pulled back from the main server - S1. thought it was just a lull in activity. stayed that way for weeks, months, and I just muted the server. no one ever cared about anything i had to say. was lucky if anything i posted got even a token emoji react

was in another, smaller server - S2. people i talked to damn near every day, even in voice. played games together - that became... no fun simply because everyone else was so much better/further ahead in the game. i was completely useless, so didn’t server a function in game and never really felt like anyone actively wanted me around, but i still participated in chat.

but again, no one ever responded to anything I posted beyond maybe a token react

couple people discussing something one day. I contributed with Theory A, and quite immediately got that shut down. few minutes later, they rephrased exactly what I said and happily nattered away. so whatever I said wasn’t worth it when it came out of my mouth but if they talked about it, it was all well and valid. so again, between that specific experience and no one interacting with me, nor anything I post. server muted. treatment taught me no one cared about my presence there.

gave admin rights to S1, my server, to someone I trusted. two requests only: dont delete channels and let me know if you want to invite anyone (since I kept it private)

RYE (i’m just assigning random three letter names to people to keep this straight) posted public invites several times. never asked me. one of the two things i asked. brought it up with them that it bothered me, just got vague noncomittal responses. more public invites. eventually, after having the server muted for months, i handed over full control and left. that was almost a full year ago. none of the people have talked to me in that entire year, through discord or here or anything.

except RYE who sent me a message after a couple months like ‘wow i havent heard from you in a while hope you’re doing ok’. i wasn’t. after a bit but still the same day, i said as much. that i wasn’t doing well. they never responded. and i don’t mean like, they didn’t respond that day. i mean i literally never heard from them until months later when they sent me a meme and also didn’t respond to me commenting on that meme.

and this is one side of things. all of the above was the first half of the year. this next bit happened about. march2020? I was in another server - S3. another place that was a good space at the time. was in voice chat with two other people. started talking about one thing. MIN very suddenly said something along the lines of ‘i don’t care about this i’ll come back when you’re done’

this is one of the very few things that can trigger me - i’ve had a lot of people talk down to me if I dare look excited about anything. when they came back, i asked if they could try to just. depart conversations more softly. MIN always said ‘if i do anything hurtful to you just tell me! i dont want to do that kind of thing!’

this was clearly a lie as they exploded on me, telling me they always have to walk on eggshells around me, that I ask so many things from them. before what I asked them that day, I can only recall one other thing i asked (which was not to talk about a person who was abusive towards me, and they were like ‘yea sure np’ about that, over a year prior’)

the whole thing turned into basically me having to shut down the fact that i was hurt by what they did, had to ignore that now and i had to fawn and placate them and the only thing i got out of that was that my feelings were irrelevant, only theirs.

(incidentally, I have had two other people turn on me in similar ways, accusing me of doing shifty/bad/terrible things, and not being willing to tell me what they are when I ask, only saying that ‘i should know what i did’ so that’s also now a Fun New Bit Of Trauma.)

and that entire weeklong event lead me straight to a breakdown. literal genuine breakdown i cannot convey how devastating that entire scenario was without going into far too many details.

so between all of these things happening in less than six months, with three different community spaces folding and collapsing and fading away from me, with many of the friends i thought i had just. moving on to other things and dropping me. people i talked to every day just not bothering with me anymore. they all have gone on to other stuff and no one ever went ‘hey beets wanna see what i’m up to’ or ‘wanna do this thing with me’

a handful of instances of me saying ‘yeah i’m dealing with these fears that have been reinforced lately that people aren’t safe to deal with, even thought part of me knows they’re probably irrational it feels like i have evidence to back it up’ and people immediately take it personally like i’m saying they’re not safe. despite. me outright saying. i know logically it should be irrational. but their reactions just reinforce it so it’s just a loop and tells me, again, never to bring up any of my problems with anyone.

so this all just reinforces that there’s something wrong with me. couple years back i spoke to a friend and how i was frustrated that I seemed to end up in bad spaces and they said ‘well you’re the one thing in common so its probably your fault’ and obviously they’re not my friend anymore but that has affected me so deeply. i can’t do anything without overthinking, whenever anything goes wrong i tear apart everything i’ve done and everything i’ve said or thought and i don’t know why things keep going bad. i try so hard but i’m just. not right.

so it all teaches me that there’s no point in reaching out in trying to talk to people because if i say ‘hey this hurt me’ i get ignored at best or torn down, yelled at, scolded. no point in trying to talk to new people because everyone just walks away at some point. not even a natural drift apart, i can handle that. but just very suddenly, they’re gone, off with better people doing better things.

roundabout, ties back to ‘consumption versus community’ - this is why i’ve been struggling so hard with lack of engagement on my sideblog. lucky to get a dozen notes on anything i make, unless it’s something other people can use (like mods) and even THEN it’s rare to see much activity. and that was FINE because i had people to talk to elsewhere, who would ask questions and we could back and forth and i shared my stuff and they shared those and it didnt matter if my posts only got a dozen notes because i had friends to talk to.

now i get (example) seven notes, six of which are likes and one is a reblog with no commentary. when i have something with a ton of notes, still, minimal commentary, no one talks to me. even on a mod with five hundred notes it just feels like i went ‘hey i made something :)’ and everyone picked it up and walked away with it, no one went ‘hey this is cool i want to talk to the person who made it.’

and it just feels like 95% of the time, i’m just overlooked. 

and it’s worse than it’s ever been in my entire life, and I wonder, what’s the point of any of this anymore.

why bother to make the posts to share when it all just gets passed by. what’s the point in trying to reach out to new people and make friends when i get lashed out at or left behind? the social is gone out of my social media. i had community, and now it’s gone.

so this has all been going on for months and months and months and hey! suffering. and i dont expect it to get any better, don’t expect this post to fix these issues, but i’ve been trying to say something about all of this for fucking months and i think just, laying it all out is all I can do about it. i’m sure i’ve forgotten some things to touch on but as it is, all these events, all of it happening all together. new traumas, old traumas reawoken, reinforced, i’ve been torn to pieces i don’t know how to function, i can’t remember the last time i felt like even half a real person. taught that the safe, positive spaces that meant so much to me don’t actually exist and they’ll all turn on me and be torn away. nowhere is safe anymore, and trying to make it safe is just going to ruin me again.

people aren’t safe, places aren’t safe, been proven to me time and time again so i just. stay away.

no matter how much i try to fight that, it just doesnt work.

anyway tl;dr beets needs therapy probably

[adudelol-reblogs]

hello. here is an infodump ask. you can infodump about anything in its answer.

go. be free. be free to infodump adl

OH MY GOD THANK YOU OKAY OKAY I HAVE SO MUCH UHHH okay first ill talk about my recent project im doing, and it’s a suprise DND game for two of my irls with our characters!!!! ill be dming the game and im making the plot around our own character plot!!! WAWAWA JFDKLSFJ its taking so much out cause ive never dm’d before lmao but also the research is so fun??? like idk i have like two or three pages of notes already and now i have the base of a map done i just need to add like landmarks and just bbbbbbb okay okay uh . i can infodump about the actual characters i suppose! they’re called the “Royal Rebels”, or the RR for short. The four characters are named Ryan, Star, JC, and Mia! in the dnd compain here are theyre classes and races -Ryan: Paladin Tiefling -Star: Cleric Fairy -JC: Sorcerer Human -Mia: Rogue Changeling in their canon the reason they all have these certain powers and races, is cause ryan lives with his grandparents, who are a priest, hence the paladin class. in the canon, ryan is essentailly born with a demon possesson type deal, and so i choose a tiefling to give him that ‘demonic’ kinda look! star is the daughter of the mayor, and so i made her a cleric. the fairy idea i stole from one of the irls cause the picture i used was great (if i remember ill reblog this with some images?).  jc is a fire witch (there are multiple different types of witches in this universe, like time, fire, nature, necromancy, water, ect), and so i made her a sorcerer so she is natually able to just do magic ! and then human cause she just fit the bill and finally, mia. her bloodline was cursed so the women couldn’t have children and that they’re bodies can tear itself apart painfully. But! the women found a loophole to still have children, but the curse seemed to be genetic. thats why Mia is able to shapeshift! so! i made her a changeling in the dnd game! and i made her a rogue because she’s sneaky.

okay hmmm what else okay okay uhhhh i suppose i could talk about the man in my pfp, percy de rolo the 3rd! i love him so much he’s wawawa i dont actually have any thoughts on him its like the pondering the orb no think meme lmao he’s just rotating in my mind he’s from a show called the legend of vox machina, imo it’s very good BUT IT HAS A LOT OF TRIGGERING TOPICS like a lot. so if any of yall reading this wanna watch it be warned it gets very serious at times

okay okay ill talk about this a guess im currently attempting to like write my own original book! (you can find some of the chapters out already on @adudelolwriting cough couhg). It’s called Last Generation, and it’s essentally like a post apocolypic world where the main characters, Solace, Zoya, and Nieko all live together. I won’t get much inito the plot cause i dont wanna spoil it, but its gonna be found family >:]

speaking of orginal books, i can talk about my other one along with LG (Last Generation), I’m also writing another book called The Powers Within (TPW for short). This one has been in the works muuuuuch longer than LG (which I started this year, I think? I’ve been trying to write TPW for about five or six years now). I’ve never been quiiiite happy with how it turns out, buttt oh well lmao It’s a mystery story about a group of kids who live in a school. They’ve always lived there, since they have powers, or as the school calls them, ‘gifts’. Each student has different powers, and a certain group of kids come together once they figure out somethings up with the school principal...

and uhhhh yeah i think thats it ! i can’t think of anything else to talk about rn buuut oh well lmao. you can actually probably see some of the TPW characters in @adudelolocinfodump but im not sure which ones as i havent updated it in forever lmao fjkdsjk

[mortuaest]

WARNING:

Because of the actions of the Case Managers that were and are supposed to be helping me (I have Autism, have help through programns in my state) and because of the owner of the building I am moving out of the apartment Im in because of retaliation from the owner of the building when I stated I am possibly moving out the weekend of September 20th.  He personally made it a very hostile living situation, and because of how he treats minorities/people of color/us Queer and disabled has made it ungodly almost impossible to live here and the main and only reasons why he gets away with it is because he has the local judge in his pocket and can skirt the law by doing things barely legal.   I also work 7 days a week with two different jobs while doing this so please be patient with me. Im trying my best to get over 2600 dollars for security deposit, first months rent and moving expenses all by myself.

So I just figured out how to pin a post but.  For the people who come here and see my RP blog.

~Heya, my name’s Garrus, I’m a 32 year old Autistic Non-Binary, Ace/Demi-Romantic who worked in healthcare, now had to step back start of summer 2022, severely mentally ill/trying to get better.  Im trying my best tbh my mental health is fucking trash rn.

~Please don’t make any Mass Effect jokes about me being your husband, I’ve never played the game, the jokes will go over my head, and Ive heard enough of them.

~If my IMS dont work and youre trying to send me a message regarding like, Sanako or any other of the muses listed (Ive linked Sarah and Sanako below because they’re my main muses) I don’t bite!  Please send me an ask.

~I have my queue either filled with memes, character related stuff, and or Headcannons.  Mainly memes.  Don’t be afraid to send me memes or ask if I wanna plot!  That, and if I seem active because of it, I’m not

~I am not a reblog source.  Please reblog any memes, or items that I have reblogged regarding aesthetic, clothing, weapons, etc of my characters from the source.

~I love asks.  I love threads.  I am here as a hobby, and I assume we’re all adults here even though I say don’t assume.

~Im OC friendly, and semi selective.  It doesnt mean I wont rp with you but Ill occasionally follow and unfollow.

~I prefer semi-literate to literate writing, and I prefer more than a few paragraphs. I don’t require Icons, and IDGAF if its one word if its crack.  Im trying to make icons slowly for Sanako at least (5/29/2021) so yall need to hold me to making the rest of them LOL.

~Im probably also high half of the time when I have weed, I use it to help me with my period pains (I have PCOS) mood, or sleep.  If you cant understand my reply please ask me to explain or fix it, and ask me to do it sober because legit I will and more than likely apologize for being high as balls.

~Also remember!  This is a hobby like my cosplay and I do this for fun please have fun as well ;-;  Also muse doesnt equal mun, mun doesnt equal muse.  I am not Sanako and Sarah and theyre not me, Im not nasty like they are

~Please also don’t forget, if you have a question about starters/replies and think I was high af while writing that dont be afraid to ask about it!

Side Blogs:

@ignoranceisntvoltaine

@sporedruidoflight

@cailleachbreige

Ask    Submit      Rules       Sanako     Sarah         Others

[scannerfunky]

im sorry. this is just supposed to be a stupid meme reblog account. i never wanted to make one of these posts, because im pretty sure everyone thinks they're annoying, but i dont know what else to do. im sorry.

im 19 and i live with my mom and i can't anymore. she yells... all day. no matter what. no matter how much i apologize. i still manage to do something wrong, and she yells, and says the worst things and i can't take it anymore. she won't let me go out anymore, when i leave she shows up at the door to my friends houses and makes me come back. she always knows where i am because shes tracking my phone. i spend every second afraid of her. when she's nice its not even so bad, but she can turn around so quickly im too scared to even be in the same room as her anymore. she throws out my prescriptions (medications for my depression, anxiety, and eating disorder), she won't let me see my therapist anymore because she doesnt want to pay for me to go talk shit about her to someone for an hour. she makes my boyfriend miserable anytime she sees him because he's trans, im afab nonbinary, and she considers us to be in a gay relationship (homophobic). i love him so much and im so afraid he's going to break up with me because of her. im so afraid. all the time. i cant do this anymore. every single night im hoping i won't wake up in the morning. every morning it takes me over an hour to even drag myself out of bed, and then its yelling, because how could i be so lazy? its too much. i can't do this anymore.

my dad has passed, and most of my relatives on her side are the same as she is. i have an adult cousin in Wyoming (a couple states over), who's willing to take me in, but i dont have a job anymore (she came in one day screaming. i cant even remember over what. they fired me.), so i can't afford a plane/bus ticket or the cost of moving over all of my stuff and my dog (she will get rid of him if i dont bring him. she'lltake him to the woods and let him run. hes only a little chihuahua. hell die. i have to bring him). he said if i leave, he'll come with me. i could try to get a job and we could get an apartment one day and forget all about her. at this point i have to leave. if i have to stay i don't know if i could stand living anymore. and i hate saying things like that because it feels like I'm holding myself hostage, but that's the reality of the situation. if its my current living situation, i dont want to live anymore. please help me. anything helps. im so sorry to be acting so pathetic on this page because it was only ever meant to make people smile and laugh, but if anyone could spare even a dollar i would be so so thankful. please help us escape from her.

my cashapp is $ruethedaye

my paypal link is paypal.me/runeye

thank you.

[smute]

tagged by dame gemma of @whenwinterfell

1. why did you choose your url?

it chose me 💖

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

lmao no i cant even keep track of this one

3. how long have you been on Tumblr?

too long also (i think 2012 or 13 i always forget)

4. do you have a queue tag?

nope but if the posts are approximately 30 min apart its the queue. if they're approximately 3 seconds apart its me :)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

gemma your answer was so wholesome omg i feel so bad now i just wanted to look at porn and tumblr was the only app on ios that would show you peepees and tatas

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

its my most recent id picture, government mandated etc

7. why did you choose your header?

its what i believe in and stand for

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

something about adhd i think. its always the menthol illness ones that blow up. i also added a meme to a post once that i keep coming across... but since im not op i dont get notifs for that one

9. how many mutuals do you have?

idk im aware of like 5 that feel like family ❤️ and another 5 that im crushing on but dont talk to so...

10. how many followers do you have?

almost 1500 now which is way too many imo. i will start eliminating one of you every week starting tomorrow jk

11. how many people do you follow?

also about 1500 (mostly inactive)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

have i ev-

what do you think, hm?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

i check tumblr 24/7 basickly

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

does blocking count as a win? i think it does

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this�� posts?

i will see you in hell

16. do you like tag games?

YES PLEASE LET ME PLAY

17. do you like ask games?

yeah i love talking about myself but im too shy to start unprompted so ask games are like crack to me

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@sprachtraeume and @turbinis obviously idc that they're huspig and malewife (love is love💕)

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no i have several

20. tags?

@shyredpanda @mmolia and the ppl i mentioned already. and also everyone else, yeah everyone!

[sonofaraven]

check-in tag

vera tagged me! @dependsonwhospitching hii i will indulge u a bit

1. why did you choose your url?

Its a ref to all the media w crows that i liked back in the day, we’re talking classic tmblr ya lit... the foxhole court and the raven cycle.. also it was my sports anime era (karasuno). its mainly about ronan tho (son of a bitch + raven). i dont rlly wanna give it up.. also corvids r pretty

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

this is my only side blog, n the one i use the most since im chronically online, i have a main obv but its a secret xoxo ( you have to go tru the trials and tribulations of figuring it out by yourself )

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

maybe since 2015? i made this one around 2016

4. do you have a queue tag?

i dont tag it but i have a queue n also i schedule posts randomly

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i wanted to keep most of my obsessions apart from my main, especially the anime posts

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it’s from my “i know the end” zayn comic, its pretty vague at the same time, i think i dont exactly wanna define myself as a 1d blog even tho i am rn, but hey i try to draw. smtimes

7. why did you choose your header?

fun story, to me. i chose it as an aes pic ages ago. i rlly like those tones n i matched them to my blog color. it was a couple years later when i realized it was from a ts 1989 shoot n now im a swiftie, so it stays

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

probably a fanart post from ages ago (probably from m*rvel) or that meme i made ( +ty for being best friends. -we literally never interact ) that every1 hated but loved to rb n i deleted after a bit

9. how many mutuals do you have?

that i “kind of” talk to, like 10 :)

10. how many followers do you have?

just a bunch, keeping a low profile on tumblr dot com

11. how many people do you follow?

444 (lots are artists pages or only post once a month or are inactive)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

“a relationship should be 50/50. im a thief and you call me a thief.” but not often not.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

mental illness

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

i dont have fights, no body has a problem w me n im always right anyway

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

hate. but i get where some of them r coming from sometimes

16. do you like tag games?

yes<3 even if i dont do them its like getting a little hi and a heart emoji from a mutual  whats not to like

17. do you like ask games?

i like the free compliments ones and i like sending them numbers, i dont often like answering questions tho

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

evryone of them is more famous than me  peace and love

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

yes but you dont know them. they go to another Blogging platform

20. tags?

not today. do it if u like, tell em i sent u ⭐

[violasmirabiles]

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you want to know better.

i got tagged by @ruskatuska which i somehow forgot to mention first jesus christ why am i like this

1. Name/Nicknames: ali

2. Gender: who tf knows

3. Star Sign: aries

4. Height: 160cm

5. Time: gonna be 1pm in a bit

6. Birthday: march 26 so yall still have time to get me presents 

7. Favourite Band: pink floyd and wigwam are my go to bands to put here but really there are So Many

8. Favourite Solo Artist: also So Many but bowie and kate bush are safe choices

9. Song Stuck in My Head: rufus wainwright - cigarettes and chocolate milk

10. Last Movie: it chapter two

11. Last Show: uhh. god i dont know. 

12. When I Created This Blog: late 2011. like late november, early december. i know it was before i saw paul mccartney in helsinki and that was on dec 12 2011

13. What I Post: whatever fandom shit im into at any given time, bands/artists/music i like, whatever pretty and or interesting and or funny catches my eye. just posted a selfie, i do some of those. some text posts. i do use this blog to vent and i do have a shit brain so yeah

14. Last Thing I Googled: the model of my vacuum cleaner so i could find the right kind of filters i need for it lol

15. Other Blogs: @ihmekukkavesi for my photography, @shineondoc for university hell with some stephen king peppered in there. but it like. its relevant

16. Do I get asks?: sometimes. not super often. but like, i dont reblog those ask memes very often and the one good update this piece of shit website ever did is the chat system so thats good

17. Why I Chose My URL: i mean i wanted something related to my name (it is, trust me), coulda been another species but this one can also be a sneaky reference to a character from a thing im into so . yeah lol. also aesthetic. i mean it looks cool. pretty.

18. Following: a lot of people, many of whom arent active anymore but i keep following them anyway because what if they come back one day

19. Followers: a little under 2300

20. Average Hours of Sleep: eight-ish so thats good

21. Lucky Number: dont really have one of those but if a number is even OR divisible by 5 its a good number. i like 12 more than 10

22. Instruments: i have a 20-year-old shitty electric piano my dad gave me when he needed room for a newer, better electric piano. only in my current place i dont really have enough room for it even though i need it to practice choir stuff independently and just like having it because sometimes i just like to fuck around with it yknow? not calling myself good cos im not im super out of practice cos ive never been diligent abt that sorta thing but i can accompany myself and thats enough. so i keep it under my bed, not the best place, and practice on the fucking floor. cant even use pedals that way and that sucks ass. one day i will move to a bigger apartment and set it up again. i also have a baby blue ukulele with a picture of jack nicholson as jack torrance doing his heres johnny face taped on it. i got it in 2019 from my brother and his girlfriend as a christmas gift and was doing my ba thesis at the time, which i think a lot of the people who follow me know was about the shining. also also i can play guitar and bass but am not excellent at either because i never practice either of those and have neither in my apartment. and i never practice the ukulele either so even though i know a few chords i fucking suck. maybe someday.

23. What I Am Wearing: black leggings. black shirt. one black sock and one white one

24. Dream Job: i want to be able to write in some capacity and get paid for it but thats all i know and if i think too hard on it ill work myself up and wont be able to sleep so im gonna leave it at that  

25. Dream Trip: right now i just want to be able to visit my True Home Town which is not this piece of this place where i live and study and also happened to be born in

26. Favourite Food: yeah. not olives

27. Nationality: finnish

28. Favourite Song: feel like this woulda been more appropriate with the other music/art questions but hey whatever. also how the fuck am i supposed to have a favorite song when so many different gems exist. go listen to the musical box by genesis though it fucks me up every time i dont care what it does to you

29. Last Book I Read: still working on white noise by don delillo im fuckin slow i didnt use to be this slow

30. Top 3 fictional universes I would love to live in: the one where i can fucking FUNCTION, the one where i can Fucking Function and am also some sort of professional™ writer™ , and uhh. yeah idk

im gonna tag @panwriter, @appelssiini, @stokoetopia, @slip-sliding-away and @kukkahattumursu but no pressure or anything no ones gotta do this if they dont feel like it