#you expect me to live after that?

[takeyourcyanide]

God, i need to smoke. Fortunately I should get to either today or tomorrow. But it’s highly likely I won’t experience the effects of nicotine since I only have one left right now. I’m going to huff that thing like no one’s ever huffed before

[myrkulitescourge]

the way that one line from the new epilogue in an astarion romance is going to HAUNT me

just. what a profoundly intense thing to confess to someone.

like, just these six months of newfound happiness with you exerts a force on his heart equal and in direct opposition to two centuries of endless torment, the gnawing hunger and exploitation. this flashbulb-bright fraction of his long life holds the same gravity to him as years upon years of darkness and suffering.

in all likelihood, he hasn’t even known his lover for as long as his worst memory lasted, that year sealed away to go mad from starvation and sensory deprivation, yet he still tells them this brief time has been so fundamentally and powerfully important that the weight of even that unimaginable hell is vanishingly small compared to this present he has now and the future ahead of them both.

how am i supposed to act normal about this.

[courtmartialme]

woag .. otp

[thenerdiestmanalive]

Time to spread my Charles and Edwin are Orpheus and Eurydice reincarnated agenda

Dream, please come get your son, he keeps going down to hell to save his partner

[mintypsii]

how are we feeling about the live action sanlu nation

[hyunpic]

2023 year in review with hyunjin [it’s a wrap] 🎉

[god-of-this-new-blog]

“I miss them so much,” Light replies, and this, too, is unlike him; typically, getting emotional truth out of Light is worse than pulling teeth. His voice is so small. He feels so small in L's arms, even though he’s almost as tall as L is. “My family. I miss them so much. I miss my house. I miss my parents. I miss my sister. I miss my room.” He makes a wavering little noise. “I miss ⁠— everything. I miss trashy konbini food. I miss the city noise when I was falling asleep. I miss getting on the subway at rush hour and being crammed in against everyone's disgusting sweaty bodies and wanting to die even though I did it every day. But I miss them the worst. I feel so alone here. Everyone hates me. I want my mom.”

“Okay,” L says, petting Light’s hair awkwardly. He’s not good at this. He is, in fact, actively bad at this. “That’s understandable,” he continues. “It’s normal to be uncomfortable in a new place. And it’s normal to miss your family.”

“I’m never going to see them again,” Light says, and his voice is so tiny and miserable it’s almost a whimper. “Never, never, never.”

You might have thought of that before becoming the most prolific individual serial killer in the history of the entire world, L thinks but does not say. Instead, his hand trails down to rub Light’s back. Light is trembling, clinging close to L like L is the only thing tethering him to Earth.

“No, I don’t think you will,” L murmurs, low and gentle. — By the brilliant @dykelawlight

[aethersea]

devastating to go into the tag for an obscure vampire movie I've been quietly obsessed with for years to find mostly gifsets of minor characters (played by big-name actors) and review blogs saying they didn't like it :(

@ everyone who made a post saying "I liked it :)" I am blowing you a kiss. everyone who made a lovely gifset or photoset of the cinematography I am tipping my hat. that one poster that said "bro did y'all just miss the Entire Message about class and race or???" I am shaking your hand with enthusiasm there was SUCH a message about class and race

anyway everybody should watch Night Teeth and revel in glitzy flashy modern vampires in LA with me

[coquelicoq]

i still can't really have a conversation in french but i can read the french dictionary and i can translate 18th-century treatises on mollusks from french. that should count for something.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[nicollekidman]

god. it’s so good that spike is literally categorically insane over buffy in season five and then the intervening summer changes him so fundamentally that he does not push her or make assumptions or invade her space and make speeches even after she has demonstrated multiple times that she wants to be around him, and seeks him out for the first time in their relationship. he even tries to get her out of the crypt before he can start singing so that she doesn’t have to hear the truth of his feelings and when he DOES sing it’s that she’s hurting him and he doesn’t care!!!!!! and then SHE follows him out and kisses him!!!! after he says if you’re not serious then leave me in the ground!!!

[iheartbookbran]

My biggest gripe with how HOTD writers depict women is how they’re never allowed to showcase their anger and bitterness at their circumstances in full. We know it’s there, we see Alicent’s frustration about loosing the kingdom’s regency to a unstable nineteen year old, but she’s never allowed to fully express it (the closest we got was her outburst when Aemond lost his eye, and she was made to regret it directly afterwards). Her role in Rhaenyra’s usurpation isn’t born out of a desire to have what she believes is her due after years of withering away and suffering as Viserys’ wife, but as a desire to carry on what she believes to be her husband’s wishes.

When it comes to Rhaenys, since last week I’ve seen a lot of speculation on why she decided to turn back to fight Aemond and Vaghar, because in the show she has no reason to do so. The thing about Rhaenys’ story, at least how I understood it in F&B, is that she always seems to be holding back. It is one thing for her to say to Corlys that she doesn’t resent the fact that she lost the throne to Viserys and another to actually mean it, because if she (allegedly) lost fairly to Viserys, how could she in good conscience initiate a war? How could she inflict that on her whole family? So she holds back. And she doesn’t have to like Rhaenyra, but watching the same thing that happened to her repeat itself must be frustrating. Watching Rhaenyra be expected to give up her crown for the sake of maintaining the peace without her half-brother having the same expectation placed upon him must be painful. So she should want to encourage Rhaenyra to fight for the throne this time, she should want to turn back to fight those greedy, stupid boys playing at war, who could never understand her pain. She should want to show Baela and Rhaena that it is possible to fight back; she might not be able to save them or shield them or get them what she believes they deserve, but at least she can show them that they don’t have to take on their circumstances passively. They can fight back.

Or at least that’s how I would have written Rhaenys, anyways.

[helluvabunch]

"it's a trauma response" and "it's a shitty way to treat someone" are not mutually exclusive btw ✨

[fabaceous]

isnt it so interesting and so reflective of being a teenage girl how the yellowjackets collectively and sort of automatically/instinctively assign certain roles to certain members of the group, often roles that involve getting their hands dirty and doing things that are anywhere from gross to ethically questionable to truly morally reprehensible but necessary for their survival, because no one else can stomach it, and then they punish her for acting out the exact same role that they assigned her?

[moeblob]

Erin, to her crush: You're a dick

Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -