#the only people who want to have never experienced the static

[takeyourcyanide]

God, i need to smoke. Fortunately I should get to either today or tomorrow. But it’s highly likely I won’t experience the effects of nicotine since I only have one left right now. I’m going to huff that thing like no one’s ever huffed before

[void-occupation]

Some Lee!Alastor Headcanons to Fuel My Brain

The lee!alastor tag has been painfully empty for the last few days, so I've decided to contribute a few headcanons of mine for you all to see and consider as you wish. Feel free to add on to this post with headcanons/rants/fics/whatever of your own if you want, I was just personally experiencing withdrawal symptoms and needed to fuel my addiction lol

(These are tickle headcanons for those unfamiliar with the terminology. If that isn't your thing, just scroll right on by)

First thing's first. Something I think everyone is sleeping on? Scalp massagers. Specifically the wire ones. I personally think those things are ticklish as fuck, and I'm far from the only one. The majority of us have come to the agreement that Alastor's ears are also ticklish as fuck. Just take a moment with me and imagine the potential:

Someone (probably Angel, or Lucifer) gets a scalp massager and is going around trying it on other hotel residents when they aren't paying attention. It's just for fun, and they're getting the typical reactions (jumping away, super startled, or just completely Unphased). Then, they manage to catch Alastor by surprise and do it to him, but instead of the typical reaction, Alastor startles before bursting out into staticky giggles. Alastor has no clue WHY it tickles so much, but it does, and he's practically paralyzed in a weird half-curled position as whoever has the massager just keeps running it over is head over and over. He can't try to escape, he can only giggle and babble out nonsense words, especially when the ends rub up against his ears which only makes it MORE ticklish, which he didn't think was possible. After the other demon shows mercy (and somehow isn't immediately slaughtered) Alastor develops a healthy fear of the massager, and grows incredibly anxious with anticipation and adorably flustered any time someone brings one out

Speaking of massagers brings me to my second headcanon. This man CANNOT get a massage or he will absolutely die. People who are tense can be more ticklish as a result, and since Alastor is already incredibly ticklish, having tense muscles makes this 100x worse. I have really tense shoulders, and any massage there immediately makes me hysterical, and I imagine Alastor would be the same. If he was comfortable enough to do so, he would be the kind of person to absolutely die if he were to get a full-body massage because it would tickle so damn much - even through the pain that comes with massages. Rosie likes to pretend to massage his shoulders and neck just so she can tell him to stop squirming and giggling so much because she's trying to help him

Another quick headcanon. I like to imagine that he's mostly covered in fur, and while it isn't terribly long in most places, it can still get tangled after a shower, or after being smothered by his clothes all day, so he has to brush it regularly. This is an absolute nightmare for him. Even when he's brushing his own fur, he has to stop every few seconds because he starts laughing too much in certain areas, like over his sides or belly for example. No matter how often he does it, he never gets used to the feeling, and it only gets worse if someone else (usually Rosie) does it for him. At least if he does it himself, he can stop once he starts laughing. It makes it take a long time, but it's less flustering. If Rosie (or Satan forbid someone else for whatever reason) brushes his fur, she usually tries to get a much done at once as she can, so she usually keeps going until he's begging for a break. Also, she thinks it's absolutely adorable, so she'll keep brushing areas that make him squeal long after all the tangles have been removed

Last one for now is that he can feel the static from people's phones. If he's close to someone when their phone rings, he can usually feel the static of it crawling teasingly over his skin. It usually isn't a big deal, but if someone is being bombarded by calls that they keep ignoring (let's say Valentino obsessively calling Angel Dust), the static quickly becomes overwhelming and he'll beg the person to answer their phone or turn it off, if straight up bashing it against the nearest wall isn't an option. It doesn't tickle a particular area, more of an all-encompassing tickle over his entire body. If he gets to the point of begging them to answer, it's usually because he can't hold his laughter and squirming anymore and is trying not to make a fool of himself. He feigns annoyance so people don't find out the real reason he wants the calls to stop. The secret comes out when Angel absolutely refused to answer Valentino one day, but didn't want to turn off his phone because he was in the middle of doing something on it, and Alastor finally broke and curled up where he sat, giggling hysterically and begging Angel to turn his phone off

That's all I have for now, I hope you enjoyed these headcanons. If you decide you like them enough to incorporate them into anything you write/draw, tag me!!! I'd move to see it. Also, as mentioned earlier, feel free to add onto this as you wish, I'd love to see how you all make these headcanons your own

[terry-perry]

https://www.tumblr.com/terry-perry/758497780110082048/minding-ones-business

so husk knew what Alastor and Carmine!Reader was real? We need to see this for ourselves! Can I request that please? Like Husk watching the couple being all sweet one night and realizing this was true love his boss was experiencing ❤️

Alastor x Y/N Carmine aka Hell's Cutest Couple

I based this imagine on one of my favorite moments from Lucifer, another show about Hell and redemption that occasionally involves a musical number!

As long as he knew him, Husk never thought his boss to be the sentimental type or even what some would consider romantic. Alastor might've been from the Jazz Age, music people loved to use to set the mood and express emotions that regular words can't, but he wouldn't be considered friend material, let alone more-than-friend material. Yet Husk was now witness to him sitting by the grand piano he conjured up in the hotel's parlor to give a small performance to Y/N Carmine, who watched on fondly from the couch and occasionally closed her eyes to take in the melody he played for her.

It was indeed a bizarre sight, but not an unwanted one. Especially since the more the pair invested in each other's company, the more Alasotr and Y/N forgot about Husk being there. They'd since stopped going to the bar to freshen up their drinks and focused more on enjoying each other. He wondered if he could attempt to slip away to his room, but he didn't want to risk it if Alastor was just trying to lull him into a false sense of security. Also, the scene before him seemed too surreal to look away from.

He chose to stay and continued to bear witness to the couple. Alastor had since stopped playing, which led to Y/N clapping cheerfully for his performance and him looking at her with a mix of amusement at her bubbly enthusiasm and tenderness. Still seated at the piano, he held his hand out for her to take. She walked over and took it as he gently sat her beside him.

"Do you play?" Alastor asked then, his eyes never leaving her even as she hesitantly looked away.

"Hardly," she scoffed in embarrassment. "Nothing like you." She stretched out her fingers and gave them a dramatic wiggle before she set them to her desired keys. "After some lessons, my mother spent an embarrassing amount of money on, this is all I remember-"

Suddenly, a simpler tune filled the room as Y/N played a basic version of Heart and Soul on the piano, which only had her playing one key at a time. It was still lovely to hear, and Husk gave a small smile despite himself, and Alastor let out a chuckle that tangled with his radio static. What came next was just as endearing as Alastor joined Y/N's playing by adding a complex rhythm that complimented her basic chords. The result was a sweet rendition of Heart and Soul, where the couple kept playing for the next two minutes.

Husk enjoyed the melody. As he opened his eyes to watch the show, he noticed that Charlie and Vaggie dropped in and saw everything from the second floor. The princess practically had hearts surrounding her as she observed Alastor and Y/N, and Vaggie smiled faintly. Husk paid them no mind, however, since all he could do was notice how his boss had yet to look away from Y/N, continuing to stare at her in a daze without a note of his usual smugness. Alastor looked at her delighted presence with a softness that was quite out of character for the Radio Demon.

It was so out of character that it was almost...pure. It was as though Y/N's lovely presence made Alastor rethink his intentions, so they were more tailored to keep her around for as long as she'd have him and not just until he grew bored of her.

Alastor needed her since she already had his heart and soul.

[blazinghotfoggynights]

I am so happy for episode 7x4. Why? It has already led to lines of communication about romantic and queer journeys that are not typical.

I see Team!Tuck and Team!Buddie have some members that are not happy with the other and think the other team is delusional or doesn't make sense. Only the members of that show's crew know what is going to happen. For all we know, Buck could meet a third party, fall in love, leave the 118, and go off to happily ever after.

(I so don't want that. But what can a girl do?)

I want to say that as someone who probably has just a teeny bit more of life experience than many people on here and other social media, no I am not sharing my age, I have seen, and experienced, a lot. Remember I mentioned lines of communication opening? They are open now because people are inspired and feel empowered to share their thoughts and experiences.

To Team!Tuck, yes, Team!Buddie is still quite a possibility. How? Did you know you can be so in love with someone you have no idea you are in love with them? Sounds crazy, right? But it can happen. It took many years for me to see that I was head over heels for my best friend. I never considered it. I never looked at him that way. We were just really close and besties.

It took someone asking me if I were stuck on a deserted island and could only have one person there with me, who I would choose. I said his name instead of my then boyfriend's name. I didn’t even think about it. It was reflexive.

The person was staring at me smiling and watching me as I realized what I’d said and then a montage of our friendship played in my mind.

“Oh my god.” That was me.

“Finally figured it out?” That was the other person.

When I thought about it, I compared men to him all the time. The qualities I was most attracted to in my partners up to that point were qualities they shared with him. But it was at that moment, many years into our friendship, that I realized that had been happening.

This leads me to Team!Buddie. Team!Tuck is valid and could very well be endgame. If the writers make Eddie a completely hetero man with no flexibility, Buddie will not happen. However, they have offered a character who is literally an amalgamation of Buck and Eddie as a possible love interest. It is funny to me, because when I look at the Tommy character I see the lovechild of Eddie Diaz and Evan Buckley. Buck picked a man who mirrors him physically but shares a lot with Eddie including military background, quick wit, snarkiness, the willingness to say screw the rules when needed, hobbies, etc.

If Buck knows with no uncertainty that Eddie is not, and will never be, an option, wouldn’t it make sense that a man who is so much like Eddie would catch Buck’s eye?

I will also say that it is not impossible for someone who truly believes they are 100% heterosexual their entire lives to realize one day that may not be the case. How do they realize it? They look at someone of the same sex and have an epiphany.

As a young one who was new to this world, I fell for the rhetoric that sexuality is static and does not change. You were either straight or gay. There was nothing else.

This older, wiser version of me knows the only things you can count on in life are change, surprise, and unpredictability. She is also grateful for those who worked hard to explain that sexuality is a spectrum and give those who never quite found a space a label that finally fit.

She is extremely grateful for the brave people who who have the courage to live out loud and raise their voices in pride so others know maybe one day they can do the same.

I will always have my fingers crossed for Buddie endgame. I’m talking big wedding, tears being shed, vows so sweet everyone requires insulin. You get the picture.

However, I also want to see the two characters who never have happiness or a partner who truly supports them find what Hen/Karen and Athena/Bobby have. If that is with other people, so be it.

One more time, I am going to say major respect for ABC and the show writers for flipping off that network that can go to hell and giving this arc life and to Oliver and Lou for doing what is bound to piss off a lot of people who won't be shy about vocalizing their narrowmindedness.

[ambrossart]

Hi, me again. I hope you’re having an amazing July thus far! I know you’re busy, so only answer if you have the time, but I’m just dying to ask. How are you so good at writing Patrick and making me, as a reader, root for him despite all his wrong doings. As we know, he has solipsism disorder…. and for me that’s difficult to understand so I’m genuinely so impressed how amazingly you write him. Like can you share with me how you approach that kind of character. There’s so many layers and yet somehow you’re successfully writing some sort of story with him as a love interest (I don’t think it’s possible for Patrick to truly love someone). You’re amazing!

Boy, that’s a really tough question to answer. I don’t even know if I can answer it, but I’ll try:

I’ve said this before, but writing Patrick Hockstetter as a love interest is the most difficult thing I’ve ever attempted. It’s like walking a tightrope. Obviously, I have to soften him a little by introducing some element of sympathy, but I can’t lean too far into that; otherwise, Patrick becomes unrecognizable as a character. On the flip side, I can’t lean too far into his dark side because then he’ll be completely unromanceable, especially for someone like Evelyn. She would never date a murderous psychopath who thinks he’s the only “real” person in the world, not unless she saw a glimmer of something more. That’s why I don’t think of Patrick in those terms. I’m not approaching him like I’m writing a psychopath or even a villain. In this story, he’s not any of those things. He’s just Patrick.

The solipsism is tricky to fully grasp, so I had to break it down and put it back together in a way that makes sense to me. I’m departing a bit from canon here, but the way I’m approaching it is, Patrick feels seriously detached from the rest of the world. He was born that way. Nothing he can do about it. Because of this, he sees himself as the only fully conscious being. Other people may be alive in the sense that they’re living/breathing, but he doesn’t recognize them as thinking, feeling creatures like himself. They might as well be insects to him. Like all the dead flies in his pencil case. That's why Patrick doesn't care if he hurts someone. Why would he? Most people squash a bug without giving it a second thought, don’t they? In his eyes, it’s the same thing.

As we know, this mindset opens the door for a lot of dangerous behavior, but it also reveals a very sad, lonely existence. Because Patrick’s so disconnected, he gets little to no pleasure from everyday things. All food tastes bland to him. Music might as well be radio static. Setting his violent tendencies aside, that's a pretty miserable life.

That's where Evelyn comes in. She's a very emotional, empathetic individual. Patrick describes her as colorful, and that's a huge compliment coming from him, probably the best, most genuine compliment he can give a person. He's not gonna call her beautiful because he doesn't care that much about traditional beauty standards (Patrick's sexuality is incredibly complicated, but we'll get into that later), but calling her colorful says a lot about how he views her. Up until now, Patrick has only experienced "color" when doing/observing something violent and cruel, so for him to experience a similar sensation with her... that's a pretty big deal.

But can someone like Patrick love? Eh, I think that depends on how you define love, but I do think he can develop strong attachments toward certain people. Are Patrick and Evelyn at that stage? No. Right now, I'd say they're in the mutual fascination stage. Patrick is fascinated by her color and she's fascinated by his lack of color. There's an emptiness there that she's undeniably drawn to... probably because she wants to see what, if anything, is on the other side.

Holy shit, I just fell even more in love with this pairing.

And I'm rambling 😅

I don't even know if I answered your question. If I didn't, just throw me a follow-up question and I'll try to clarify.

[chappell-roans]

there are some really basic problems with the barbie movie as a whole starting with her character specifically. side note I am very tired rn

barbie is afraid of cellulite and of not being pretty? why? because barbie is supposed to be perfect? how does she determine what flaws or imperfections are especially since barbieland is so diverse? if the criticism is about a woman's value in a patriarchal society being determined by their appearance why does this affect Barbie who exists in a matriarchy? that would imply that the patriarchy was in barbieland from the very beginning and is baked into the very concept of barbie herself? wish we could have explored that *shrug*

also barbieland isn't a utopia, its a matriarchy in which the kens are forgotten and ignored and exist as props to support barbie. kens taking over with the patriarchy is more akin to misandry overtaking the patriarchy irl, and by the end it returns to the status quo. it undercuts its own message by framing the return to barbieland as a victory over the patriarchy which it isn't, because the dismantling of the patriarchy is about breaking down societal barriers and expectations which ultimately harm everyone, men included. they made a joke alluding to this but being aware of your own writing flaws doesn't make them go away.

a big problem is also her whole character arc? we dont know where her fear of being imperfect come from or what drives her? what is it like to be a barbie, how does it limit her or confine her and what does becoming a real person offer her? barbie gained more complex emotions through Gloria (America), but ken didn't? and he had an existential crisis too? which means that barbies and kens are capable of emotional complexity without being human or being influenced by a human. why can ken have an existential crisis all on his own. It wasn't because he absorbed it from the human world because ken felt that way all along his experiences of feeling valued and powerful for the first time through the patriarchy is just what cracked him.

I know it was supposed to be about her becoming a more complex and embracing humanity and the beauty of being real, but you cant do that without showing her gain a deeper appreciation for that in the real world and showing how barbieland doesn't meet her needs anymore. there were a couple montages and that one scene on the bench that were foreshadowing but other than that nothing showed how barbie had been changed by her experiences. if her motivation was that as barbie she would always be static and incapable of change or experiencing the world they should have shown that but they didnt and they dont even show how being barbie limits her.

her arc was about the messiness and ugliness of being human is beautiful and worthwhile it just wasn't shown well because we would need to know why she has this fear in the first place and what drives her into turning her back on her whole foundational sense of self. I dont think the moments she had were enough.

how am I supposed to think that barbies character arc about accepting the beauty of humanity, of being imperfect if I dont even know why she feels so much pressure to be perfect. people are being incredibly generous with their interpretation of the movie and are adding a lot of nuance the movie does not provide because as far as the movie tells us barbie wants to be perfect because shes barbie and shes barbie because she's perfect. that is something that needs to be unpacked. how can margot give a nuanced performance about a doll becoming human when her arc is a few sentimental moments tied together by a shoestring.

theres also the fact that within her own movie she never acts only reacts. kens character arc drives almost the entire story. barbie goes through an existential crisis because of glorias character, kens character arc is entirely internally motivated.

The same with Gloria. Shes barely a character, just a plot device and a mouthpiece for giving the big speech at the end of the film. Why is she depressed and having an existential crisis? because shes a woman and her daughters growing up? what does she do to resolve that? gee whiz I wish we had gotten a comprehensive story arc to unpack that. gloria was a bland character and the performance wasn't anything remarkable because it didnt require anything remarkable.

I would have been so down for getting an acting nom for margot especially, but how can you even give a nuanced performance if the character is so poorly written and it sucks because there are a couple easy fixes to massively improve her entire character and streamline the movie. (I can get into that but I dont have the energy tonight).

one of the easiest ways to show how poor the writing is that they had the mattel team visit barbieland and it had zero point. like zero relevance, gloria told them her idea for a quick gag but it was a pointless plot point. them showing the team irl wasn't written very well but it was an important thematic and comedic moment but after her escape, their presence added nothing to the plot or message and it wasn't that funny.

its completely ridiculous to blame the patriarchy for ken being more popular or acknowledged over barbie when the MOVIE also gave more importance to his character. him choosing to pursue barbie is integral to the rest of the plot happening, his choice is what kickstarts the entire movie. the climax of the movie is the climax of his character arc HE GOT A MUSICAL NUMBER.

if people are going to be mad about the academy passing over women in favour of men the call is coming from inside the house my friend because it started with the move itself.

Okay these are some veryyy interesting points I’m gonna have to digest and I don’t have much to add. I think that the marketing of it and some aspects of the writing being very feminist-forward are doing heavy lifting in getting the audience to suspend its disbelief at some of the contradictory aspects of the movie itself and some plot holes, because, it’s a fantasy idk. The 4th to last paragraph in particular, I AGREE. Hell I wish she’d been nommed but it isn’t a crime against women either.

[cryptidshadows]

To the Weird Dysphoria Anon!

I got your message, and I understand your experience is kinda graphic, so I put my thoughts and your Q under the cut! (Body horror/dysphoria/uncomfortable experiences)

Anon's message was:

"Trans man with the weird experience of dysphoria again! I don’t mind if it gets published, I just don’t want to trigger anybody because the way I describe shit is kinda…idk, graphic? My experience is strange because I almost never feel that my body itself is wrong. I just don’t -fit- in it. It hit with puberty and believing that whatever used to live in this body had given it up and I’d taken over for them. It was always knowing that it didn’t move quite right, having to pay extra attention because my fingers and feet weren’t where they were supposed to be. It was wanting to be the Beast saving and saved by Belle, but also identifying with Ariel from The Little Mermaid. It was pretending to be an animal because it felt closer to the truth. As I got into high school, though, it got scarier for me. It was feeling too small, too tight, too soft, feeling the need to dig my claws into my flesh and tear off my skin like a monster in horror movies and go screaming into the woods. It was feeling my bones itch and my teeth aching, feeling static under my skin all the time. On the worst days, it was waking up not knowing who or what or where I was and just going into auto pilot, fighting wave after wave of anxiety as ‘They’ fed me bits and pieces of who this body really belonged to. It was nightmares of being trapped, of having to navigate an ever-changing maze and knowing I would die if I couldn’t. It was feeling that the world was wrong, that I was in the wrong place, that the people around me were talking to a person that I was just pretending to be. It was derealization and dissociation and being angry when a character I identified with was referred to as a girl. (As I said, I am not a smart man.) But I never felt like I was a man. I just knew I wasn’t this. I thought I was a monster in human skin. It’s only now that I’m really paying attention that the monster isn’t trying to eat me from the inside out."

Yeah, I did also very much get the deep need to tear off my skin and let my real self out of me, like it was a caged beast. And I still want to run into the woods and never look back lol. There was definitely a strong connection to monsters, dinosaurs, aliens, robots, anything inhuman throughout my life.

I know we're far from the only kids who pretended to be animals, but it was very real to me in a way that I think was distinct. The way I walked and moved and lived it was different, like most kids tucked it away once it was time to come back to class. I was constantly lost in that other world, the other me. It could be connected to neurodivergence too, and as you stated, some of the things you experience sound like they're tied to derealization and dissociation, common things to go through as a trans person and also common for people with trauma. I never experienced anything as severe as the dissociation you're describing but I definitely understand it. And the sense of everyone around me talking to a person I was pretending to be made me feel like I lacked real depth and connections with people.

I lived in a fictional world in my head 90% of the time, and in that fictional world, I was anything but human the majority of the time. And that kinship with monsters while being trans is what drew me to create my comic Wanderlust. The monsterlover/terato community is full of trans people, and it's much more than just a kink to most of us. You're definitely not alone.

[translesbianvampire]

gay bitch fangirls over always sunny

i've just realized that tumblr is the perfect place for a queer bitch to nerd out about her favorite show. i finished it a month ago and...oof, i love this thing. i find it weirdly beautiful in a way. i enjoy seeing the most dysfunctional people put to air's misadventures, and i am definitely one of the disturbed people this show comforts lmao.

despite functionally/nominally about being horrible people doing horrible things, the gang somehow never quite lose every scrap of humanity they have; i guess by virtue of being white trash instead of upper-class. there are times when the gang are appalled at the atrocities someone ELSE comments, and sometimes when even they feel maybe they're going too far. (they usually don't things like "no" stop em tho...)

i also love the way it weaponizes every facet of being a sitcom, and uses them to comment on what happens within the show: +you can just pop in at any time during the show's run and not be too lost, not extremely reliant on past events & arcs

-the gang experiencing extremely traumatic events is not an "arc" or something that is ever dealt with/brought up again, considering their ol' reliable is drinking it down & not talking about it

-as sitcoms go on, they typically become sadder, as it just gets depressing that this group of people literally has nothing else to do with their lives.

+depressing is the point.

-as sitcoms go on, characters typically undergo "flanderization", where previously minor aspects of their character become their entire personality within the show. typically is extremely annoying

+the gang functions as a vicious echo chamber that they are trapped within, as no one in the outside world can stand being with them. also, they are CHRONIC abusers of alcohol & a million other substances like glue. it makes sense that charlie only becomes more illiterate, considering his habits (which include eating cat food & huffing glue) never really change

-to keep sitcoms running, the characters remain perfectly static throughout, and it is only really the situations & people around them that change

+the core of what makes the characters who they are doesn't change much over 15 seasons, but they DO grow with the times; just very, VERY slowly. i think they've handled this adeptly; in season 10, they eased off dennis' creep-oness in the second episode by having him be on the RECEIVING end of his weird rating system, in one of the most hilarious & quotable moments of a show that is already hilarious & quotable throughout. I'M A FIVE STAR MAN!!!!

there's prolly even more i can't think of. but it is such BRUTAL satire of...basically anything i CAN think of. it's this satire that gives depth to, what on the surface, might appear as a banal show that only exists to be offensive. the writers actually do NOT write to offend anybody (except maybe rly stuffy stuck-up ppl lmao)! it started as basically just wanting to write a sitcom that's "real", about a group of friends that are NEVER there for each other (tho they ARE there for each other, sometimes!). and this ended up being the perfect vehicle to satirize a LOT of facets about american life.

i also LOVE the way sunny handles queerness! it is not something that inherently makes you a better NOR a worse person, but it's also smth that always deserves respect, no matter who the queer person is. this is where its sitcom format works beautifully yet again; after mac's genuinely moving coming out moment as the s13 finale, s14 starts off...the way any other season starts off, and i LOVE that.

(sidenote: i don't think mac's brief coming out then re-entering the closet in s11 is an issue! that's real life. a friend of mine realized she was prolly trans, then decided she wasn't, and recently re-realized that she is lol. THAT'S LIFE!!!! tho, it would've been an issue if mac NEVER came out i think, but they had him come out in s12, and come out beautifully to his dad in s13)

i think always sunny succeeds at having...let's say, "very morally complicated" characters, while not accidentally glorifying them as much as the sopranos or breaking bad (tho i still love those shows hehe), while still having them be human. i think it is a beautifully human show. the show does not lie in the SLIGHTEST about who these people are, yet i am still excited to see another season with this gang i somehow do still root for. it shows us EVERYTHING about who these people are with less shame than we think about ourselves. we share in their every high, every low [of which there are many], and everything in between. and that's what bein' human is all about.

[kade-writes]

WAHHHH FALL OUT BOY

Youll sit alone with your headphones over your ears, drowning out the static with his lyrics. You’ll (maybe) read them and cry. You’ll realize that he’s put words to weird and previously indescribable shit. You’ll look at him constantly. You’ll look at him and desperately want what he has, while deep down knowing that what “he has” is really a personal fantasy that could never exist but it’s easier to keep him at a distance than admit that.

Isn’t it messed up?

Now he’s up on stage, 20 feet away, Mouthing those words back to you, wearing a hoodie that you could have found in the back of anyone’s closet. You’ll start crying again. You’ll look at him and see the way he moves, just as excited as you are. But dancing is hard when your preoccupied with trying to find words for another overwhelming feeling that just completely swells every time you are in this situation . You’ll feel like the only person in the entire world (spotlit stage, front and center) while being squished and molded into the pile of bodies that surrounds you. You strangely love it. You’ll stare off. You’ll stop processing the bright lights youll no longer feel like your own. It’ll quiet down. He’ll talk about a heavy gross worry that loiters in your mind. He puts it into words again. You don’t understand how someone that you hold in the way you hold him could be so simple but true. You wont be able to help the salt spilling over your lower eyelids, Because really, what “he has” is similar to what you have too. You’ll see the visual of his eyes plastered up on the top of the stage staring down. You’ll stare back. you’ll subconsciously understand that watching from the outside will never give you the full picture. You’ll starve for everything you’ve ever wanted. You’ll become angry with yourself for hesitating. You’ll connect the face, the person to the writing, mentally refusing to let the poet hide behind his pen. He’s right there. He’s right there. You’ll breathe heavy and try to find some composure only to be interrupted by 3 hand muted guitar strums. Earlier you talked about how hearing this song would “litterally kill you.” Now, you’re hearing it. You’ll scream the lyrics so hard that you want to throw up. You’ll sound like some shitty metal vocalist. Your throat will sting. You wont notice or care. You’ll cry and cry and cry and cry tears that you can’t afford to shed. Look. No really. Look. He’s right there.

They’ll litter the air with pieces of excitement, blocking the sky. Look. He’ll Crawl into the crowd and the sea of people will naturally reach for him because you’re aren’t the only one who is experiencing another feeling that has no words and looking to him for him to give you the words. He’s right in front of your face. He understands how you are somehow without ever knowing you. And hes right there. Look him in the eyes and you’ll watch him look back at you, soaking eachother up in a way that is more than watching. Your fingers will carve into the air in front of you as you become increasingly desperate to prove the importance of this moment to him and everyone around you. This is one of the things he couldn’t possibly comprehend the way you do. You’ll feel his palm against yours and you’ll smile with every tooth in your mouth and he will too. The connection between your hands will surface the only clear thought you’ve had all night. Him and what he has isnt far from you. Hes right there. He understands you, and you understand him. He’s right here and you are too.

[houserosaire]

7. What's one way your OC has changed since you first came up with them?

This is a really fun question. A lot of times when I make characters for RP I like to 'start' them at a point when their life has had some sort of transition and they have only begun to process it which puts them at a place where they have potential for some real growth in RP. The hope is that this also makes them less static and more interesting characters for me and everybody else. Then I get to see what happens in RP and where they go with it.

Silvaineaux has changed in a number of ways since I first came up with it, but as a natural result of things that have happened in RP that have let him grow and develop as a character. When I first made him he was dealing with a lot. The Dragonsong War had ended not very long ago, taking with it a lot of his sense of purpose and identity and leaving him with a lot of trauma as well from the things he experienced during his time in service. In addition to all that his elder brother had just been mysteriously murdered and left him suddenly saddled with a title and a whole set of responsibilities he had never really been trained for and certainly didn't want.

He was in a very bad place mentally, rebelling against the death of his brother and also against the title that had been thrust on him as a result. He was also dealing with a lot of grief and survivor's guilt and trauma and trying to fill the holes in his life and purpose in any way he could come up with. He had fully expected to die in the war in service to Ishgard as both of his parents and many of his ancestors had done before him. In some ways he very much still wanted to die. Not pointlessly, not meaninglessly, and certainly not by his own hand, but he was looking for something he could throw himself at that might do the trick.

He is doing better since then. It has been years. He is still dealing with survivor's guilt and memories of the war he doesn't want, but he has stopped -wanting- to die. He is still willing to, if he has to in service to Ishgard or to protect people he cares about, but he isn't seeking it. He has also rather accidentally (but with some gentle encouragement from friends and his beloved Sui) come somewhat into his own as the head of his family. He doesn't flinch every time someone uses his title, or look around for the man who should be wearing it. He has accepted it at last even if perhaps he does not intend to fulfill all the responsibilities as Ishgard might see them: adopting one of his sister's sons to be his heir rather than considering marriage to a woman he could never love.

[oaxleaf]

The whole thing about Georgie is that her arc was fully completed long before the story began. She lost something/someone significant, she learned her lesson, she started living again. While the others have extensive knowledge of the Powers' terminology, she enters the story with a deep understanding of loss, entropy and fear that the others are yet to learn. She is never exactly unattended on screen. The tapes can't follow her and are hardly there for her so so does the narrative.

sorry this took me a couple days to answer. i was sick and my brain felt like the titan submersible moments before exploding to the pressure.

anyways. people aren't ever really finished though, you know? you have periods of your life when you are changing less or more, but you'll never reach a point where you will remain as such for the rest of your life. so whilst an arc can be fully completed in the sense of a certain, contained segment of a characters development, be it for better or worse, can reach a satisfying conclusion. and some stories tie it up there and let things lie, and that's fine, but others - especially those tragic or bittersweet endings - leave a lot to be developed on, or potential new themes to be explored.

georgie enters the story from a different position than the other characters, sure, but honestly i wouldn't claim that what marks her out is her being particulary good at dealing with loss, rather just that she does it differently. she is most definitely the best at letting go of things or setting boundaries where most of the other characters struggle to let go enough of their pain, curiosity, or emotional investment to do so. since she is not a part of the institute and as such not stuck there it makes good contrast to other characters, in particular to jon who, even before his life was dependent on the statements to stay alive, was unable to let obviously harmful situations be. it's also why georgie and melanie make such a good match - melanie is (along with tim) one of the few that really do want out.

and yeah, i guess you could call that an arc already completed by the time she's introduced. or you could just call it characterization or backstory. you're right about her not being interesting to the purpose of the tapes, and she is relatively sure of herself and is typically better at handling the horrors than others, but also don't feel like that's the point? she acts as a contrast, but not as, like, a mentor figure or something like that, and it's less important that she has overcome this stuff and more important that jon, in comparison, has not. so yes, georgie is relatively static in her development during most of the show. not at all a bad thing when placed next to characters experiencing such drastic changes.

but what i aim at when i talk about her arc just starts at the end of the show if the doubts she starts expressing about this position she has held in the narrative around the last ten episodes of the show. she clearly feels guilt about the state of the world, about not being there enough for jon, about being too passive and not intervening enough - which is why it's pretty characteristic for her to be the only one even considering not actually doing anything about the change in mag 199 - and she struggles with the idea that maybe she is partially responsible for it all too, simply because she was too good about handling the horrors when others very much were not. all these things that put her in a position of safety, sanity, and relative comfort, are now things she doubts because she worries that it makes her an accomplice through means of complicity

really it's just a seed. it only appears very late in the story, but i found it very potent. what makes me call it the start of an arc, though, are the very obvious opportunities for this all being exacerbated after the fall of the panopticon. there is so much potential for struggle and guilt there, and i just find the whole idea fascinating. to me, there isn't a world where georgie doesn't eventually have a breakdown over it all, but that's stuff that can only really be kicked into full gear after the absolutely chatastrophic personal loss and failure that was mag 200. that in combination with melanie's clear wish to just be rid of it all... all i'm saying is that there's some good potential in this

[canarydarity]

hi !!! :D ask game time! i have a couple, but you don't have to answer all of them!<3 🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc. 🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately? and for the sake of you wanting to talk about your writing and get excited about it: 👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please! (if you don't have one, ideas are cool too!!)

like i said, don't gotta answer all of 'em! only the ones you want toooo

hello!! :) you picked some of the best ones though,,

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

yes, always!! I always have music playing while I'm writing,,,and it will shock absolutely no one who's read my fics that if I'm writing team rancher there is an extremely good bet I'm listening to Strawberry Wine by Noah Kahan LOL that. song has been my top song on spotify. for like 4 months straight I am...very normal about it.

BUT other than that,,,I've also recently been looping Sea Legs by The Ballroom Thieves and Sailing by The Happy Fits when thinking about gtws, and Doomsday by Lizzie McAlpine when fic planning for a special project I will talk about answering the next question below...

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please! (if you don't have one, ideas are cool too!!)

thank you,,thank you for asking me this one I am GOING to take this opportunity to ramble while I can,,

For a few weeks, I've been working on an au that I've been calling "Sentinel Species" (though I'm unsure if that's remaining the name) and it focuses on a bit of a different interpretation of the canary curse.

The core of it stays the same: Jimmy dies first. As for the mechanics it does lean harder into the idea of this being completely out of his control. So, the end is nigh the warning must go out and Jimmy is led to whatever it is that causes his demise as per the corresponding season—but not on his own volition, free-will disregarded.

That is just the base, though, the major difference is as follows:

I've seen Jimmy referred to often enough as a harbinger of death, but in some places that phrase is used to refer to someone who not only ushers death and disaster as the canary curse already does, but who also possesses a heightened sense of death or impending death. His own deaths don't count because they're not natural, they're pre-planned, but for everyone else in this game? With so many people dying all the time and in such ways? Jimmy's sensitive to that.

I'll provide an example before I say more: Jimmy returns to his little exile house below magic mountain session 6 of last life to set a boogey trap, and say Scar comes down to ask why he's returned. They're talking, and Jimmy stops to say, "sorry, could you speak up? I'm having a hard time hearin' you." For some reason, he cannot stop hearing the sound of running water. Later that session, Scar drowns, sending him to his red life.

It could be instinctual, just a feeling, or a hallucination, even— anything, really. Imagine it's like a radio station that only Jimmy is tuned into; the downside is that—if we're sticking with the radio metaphor—theres a lot of feedback, some things are lost to static. It doesn't happen all the time, and sometimes it doesn't happen linearly. The sense is not meant to be helpful; it's never a warning, purely an awareness. It's often non-specific and more unsettling than anything else, but once he starts putting the pieces together it becomes hard to ignore. So the au (currently) follows Jimmy through the three completed seasons of the life series where he's not just the canary, but also a harbinger of death in this sense. As time progresses, he starts to get the hang of what he's feeling and experiencing and what it all means, and being Jimmy he's bound to feel like he has to do something about it—the problem is, well, who would ever believe him?

Rambling done, thank you to anyone who read all of that nonsense <33 those are the au wip thoughts!! If you've seen Teen Wolf, think Lydia Martin banshee-esque, as that is admittedly where I got the idea.

[darkestrellar]

Okay so I was thinking about the dash game I posted earlier (the what's peculiar about your soul one). The your soul is bleeding. Almost every time I've done that quiz that's the result he got and I was never sure what to think of it (except maybe the last sentence or two) so I don't think I posted it.

It is bleeding all the time. Sometimes it’s a gentle, almost unnoticeable trickle. Other times, it drips from your display and floods onto the carpet. It frequently needs to be dealt with- wounds that never seem to heal must be resutured and rebandaged.

Bro, like, there is some terrible thing here that won't heal. It's pretty nasty. and also dramatic. I didn't associate this kind of dramatic imagery with Svern, especially not one that revolves around being in so much hurt. Maybe that's a leftover from early on when I wanted him not to have any big dramatic trauma that was the reason he became a villain character, and before I fully worked in all the smaller things that damaged him in other ways.

Actually he is always hurt and in his main verse he never heals.

You are screaming. You are in agony. Every twitch sends another rocket of white hot pain through you.

Again this was difficult for me to associate with him because so much of Svern's deal is that he Doesn't suffer. Not recognisably so. Mentally and physically he can tolerate way more than most people because he doesn't process things the same way as most people. He didn't build this up, it's inbuilt, so considers himself mentally indestructible in a way. Even if he was in agony, would it get such a reaction out of him when his natural state is not reacting?

Nevertheless the source of this apparent resilience is inextricably entwined with and almost the same as the source of the wounds that won't heal.

That aside though, there's another thing that makes me tie this to mainverse specifically. That's the Shadow Crystal. The Shadow Crystal is what wrecks any future chance of Svern experiencing growth or healing because it locks him into a static state of ecstasy. Meaningless ecstasy, and one that only has destructive outcomes, but to someone who was only ever apathetic and who lacks fixed morals that's like. He's totally fine with that.

The problem is that eventually that will give way to agony. By that point it will be long beyond the point of no return and any possible fixes will be a dream in the past. There will just be powerless regret.

You assumed life after death would be painless. You assumed incorrectly.

This result is a bad end Svern description. Part of the reason Svern is able to have a devil may care attitude is because he doesn't care much whether he lives or dies, he's not afraid of dying, because of two reasons. One being his typical lack of fear and the other his inability to find meaning in being alive, the inevitability of death both being something not to be afraid of since it's, y'know inevitable, and to him it's a relief sometime in the future. To put it this way, Svern doesn't feel strongly enough on it that he'd ever be looking to die, but if it happened, he wouldn't be sad about it. Living is a chore to him.

The Shadow Crystal takes this future relief from him (he doesn't know it yet) and in exchange gives him a seemingly inexhaustible source of wonder, joy, feeling. Svern doesn't know! He doesn't know. He's too caught up in the meaningless ecstasy in the present. He gladly wastes his life on it since otherwise he'll just be struggling to continually find things that make living less of a drag anyway.

Problem is that now when he dies he won't get to actually pass on because he's stuck as something tied to the Shadow Crystal (and that underlying the Shadow Crystal). And he'll probably be okay for a while. But eventually even that ecstasy is going to wear off and he'll have to face an indefinite and still empty existence. And that will be agony.

All the unpleasant things he thought he could shed when he kicked the bucket are going to hang over his head because the option of moving on was taken from him (he handed it away thoughtlessly), and he never learned how to heal it because he spent all his existence either ignoring or feeding into it, and so now he just can't. And also, once he has to be aware of it, the stuff he's tied himself to itself can only breed negative emotions, so is only capable of worsening it even more. And it will make it worse, because that's what it does.

I don't know if he will end up screaming about it, but it will be an extremely unpleasant situation, so the result is way more apt than I realised.

[k00287690]

Temporary project- politics and war through childhood- collateral damage

•through my project i want to express the collateral damage done on war children survivors and the aftermath of the unfair, irresponsible actions of the adults that were put in charge to protect their people in the name of these kids and through my own personal experience as well.

•the civil war in syria which started in March 2011, has left 6 million children in need of assistance. Almost half of them live far from home, displaced in camps or in the communities where they now reside, across the neighboring countries.

•as someone who suffers ptsd from the war i was fixated on how the brain works on processing problems and life leading to different beliefs in which personally i show through believing everything is temporary including happy moments, friends, family, a career and having a home, mental health and so on which goes back to the lack of feeling secure and safe due to many traumatic events.

•i am not the only one that has experienced this and i’m sure many out there feel the same way ever since they were forced to leave the life they’ve always had behind them due to the war. statics show that 79 percent of children had experienced a death in the family; 60 percent had seen someone get kicked, shot at, or physically hurt; and 30 percent had themselves been kicked, shot at, or physically hurt. almost more than half of these children showed symptoms of ptsd which is ten times the prevalence among children around the world.

•for me being on survival mode all the time meant holding onto nothing in life because i have experienced how a person can lose everything so suddenly. even in the aftermath and me fleeing home i have met and experienced many things that proved to me everything is temporary. meeting new people meant having the thought of them leaving my life any minute in the back of mind which lead me to never form any type of attachment for anyone. only until recently as i went into adulthood where i became aware of all those things which in return helped me deal with things and with relations in a more secure, rational and a healthy way.

my project is 50% primary sources since i’m working off memory and personal experience. along the line of developing my project i have used secondary sources such as pictures of the president of Syria and Russia however in my sketchbook i’ve done few sketches of people i appreciate spending happy moments with. every minute is spend with them is very precious and the next is never granted. i have learnt to appreciate the present time, healing from the past and accepting the future as it comes. it’s always good to plan your future ahead however having the worst in mind is a key survival factor for me.

when i look back at pictures from the war and hear stories that circle around the feelings of anger, and hatred which i had thought were temporary come back to mind. for many innocent souls to suffer for no reason whatsoever i find it really unfair that the people responsible still go around unpunished living a normal life…

[acespec-ed]

Not sure whether I should identify as ace anymore. I'm just soo complicated. I feel bad about it because I don't want to misrepresent whatever I identify as.

I can appreciate aesthetics and, like many people I'm sure, prefer "beautiful" over "not beautiful" (I don't mean to sound shallow but that's the truth). However, I don't experience the desire to have sex with someone just because they have a beautiful body.

I do, however, experience some measure of attraction to voices. I'm not sure if this is sexual so much as sensual, as a voice that I find 'attractive' can relax me, keep me focused on that person or put me to sleep just as well as arouse me. I think the content of the speech has a large impact on whether the voice arouses me or not. (example: the 'Dream' part of the s*ndman audio collection made me relaxed while the 'Desire' part made me aroused. Both gave me those good brain chemicals.)

I find porn 'icky' and unenjoyable but enjoy erotica or erotic audio.

The instances where I were sure I was experiencing sexual attraction were always more to do with actions than static body parts. Not sure what that's about.

I'm very kinky. Vanilla sex just seems unhygienic and awkward, while kinky stuff - even and especially not actual sex - appeals to me a lot.

I'm not sure how to feel about myself. I feel like I'm faking but, at the same time, I know I don't have a 'normal' relationship with sex.

If I indulge my complicated sexuality, do you think the people who accepted me before would think I was like.... Faking to get out of having a 'normal' sex life or whatever?

Reading this, I couldn't help but notice how ace you sound. Like, maybe not a never-experiences-sexual-attraction-ever asexual, but you definitely sound like you're somewhere on the ace spectrum. I'll address each of your points.

I agree that many people would prefer beautiful over not beautiful. I wouldn't call anyone shallow for it. However, I feel like a lot of allosexuals would be down to have sex with someone they find sexually attractive. But- I also feel like there's an equal amount of allos who wouldn't have sex with someone just because they're sexy or whatever. So it's hard to argue either way on whether this makes you ace or not.

2. It's possible you're vocasexual. It's when you're only sexually attracted to voices. Whether you want to use this label or not is up to you, but it's what came to my mind when I read this point.

3. This has nothing to do with whether or not you're asexual. Plenty of aces (even ones who've never felt sexual attraction) enjoy erotica. Some, like yourself, enjoy erotica while being repulsed by porn. And some even enjoy both!

4. I’m not sure either. The times I've experienced it seemed to be a mix of both. But I think even some allos feel one way or another about if it’s body parts or actions they’re attracted to. But it's possible there's an acespec label for your specific experience. I don't know what, but I wouldn't be surprised if there is.

5. This screams "asexual" to me. I've seen so many aces talk about being into kink. And it's not always in a sexual way either. Sounds similar to what you're saying. A lot of aces would also share your feelings on sex. Speaking from personal experience, it’s easy to overlook such things when you’re sexually attracted to the person. If your feelings on sex aren’t changing even when you’re sexually attracted to the person, it’s possible you haven’t actually been experiencing sexual attraction. At the very least, you’re not experiencing it the “right” way.

I can't say what people would think. You'd know them better than I do. But if they're accepting of asexuality, then it's likely they won't think you're making up excuses. If they're open to the idea of asexuality being a spectrum, then they shouldn't have any problems at all. Personally, I wouldn’t share these specifics unless I knew the person was accepting of asexuality being a spectrum. Just being acceptable of asexuals isn’t enough- there’s still people out there who are fine with “pure” asexuals but intolerant of the rest of the spectrum.

You are absolutely, positively not faking it. And experiencing sexual attraction differently from what society expects puts you on the ace spectrum by default. Whether you want to continue identifying as ace is up to you. You are definitely more than welcome to use the label. But if for some reason, you decide you don't want to use the label, that's fine too. 💜

[sunrequiem]

To be transparent, I have not always been a Covid safety advocate. I didn't arrive at this point effortlessly or without making mistakes. But it's never too late. Humans are not static beings. Every breath is a new beginning. Although I never completely ditched the mask, there have been instances where I caved to pressure and social norms. • A multi-day conference where we masked, but still had meals together. • Going to cohort mates' houses but not discussing testing or masking beforehand. • Business school orientation where I was the only one masking, but still needed a lunch break and didn't want to sit alone. • Family members or roommates dining out, so I figured if they were exposed, I would be too. In 2020, I sank into the teachings of disability justice. I truly believed we should let the experiences of those who are most marginalized inform community care. Honestly, my actions felt hypocritical, and I couldn't take the cognitive dissonance. Silence began to feel like a moral injury, especially since I have the privilege of being a student at the "top" school of public health. This solidified when I got the sickest I ever had with ME/CFS, and learned about the #MillionsMissing movement consisting of people who had a post-viral illness like mine. While mostly bedbound for a month with limbs of lead, I knew that if I could regain enough energy, I wanted to... (1) prevent others from experiencing this and joining the #MillionsMore pipeline via Covid, (2) intervene in ME's long, ongoing history of medical harm, neglect, and gaslighting, (3) participate in community with other disabled and chronically ill people. This is why I continue to do what I do: social media advocacy, Long Covid research, mutual aid (@CovidSafeCampus), and abolitionist peer support (@Hold.Coalition). To those who have been harmed by my not wearing a mask because of my complicity in an ableist society, I sincerely apologize and do not demand forgiveness. To those who have stopped wearing a mask, it is not too late to start. Your life and the lives of your community are worthy of protection. (Caption/image description will be continued in comments) (at COVID Safety) https://www.instagram.com/p/CqQ3rqmOx5f/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=