#you know what that final line was meant to come from someone specific but let’s leave it up to viewer interpretation

[joltning]

just thought of the most awful way a s19 grimmons fic could end

Grif is already standing one foot on the helicopter, ready for liftoff. It’s hard to hear over the whirring of the vehicle, but if you listen close, you can hear the sound of boots clanking, heavy and desperate.

Simmons’ grabs a hold of Grif’s wrist, again. Still unwilling to let go. Hold on.

Grif’s head turns, slow, and with that same care and knowing that he’s always had. They’ve always had strong body language.

He doesn’t say anything. Neither of them say anything. Hesitantly, Simmons pulls his hand back towards himself, like Grif is something to be feared. Maybe they’ve already said all they need to say.

Grif turns away from him once again. Simmons doesn’t know that Grif wants him to beg for him to stay, and Grif doesn’t know that Simmons wants to come with him. But they never say anything out loud.

They’re not looking at each other anymore. But Grif knows he’s still there. And soon, he won’t be.

“…I loved you, too.”

And the past tense means it’s over.

[jimblejamblewritings]

love letters and second sons | part 2.

Summary: The princess is finally ready to debut in society. But before she does, she decides to disguise herself and see the true faces of the ton.

Warnings for the Series: light sexism in line with the times, light classism in line with the times, mental health stigma, shitty doctor care, smut, suicide attempt (will get it's own warning when the time comes),

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x princess!reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Previous Part | Series Masterlist

Eloise left to go right across the street while you followed the rest of the family into the dining room. It had been so long since you had a formal sit down breakfast with your family. Your siblings just couldn’t be bothered to come from wherever they were — sometimes in the same house but they still didn’t show. Your father and mother couldn’t make it most of the time. The dining room table could be very lonely sometimes. 

You thanked Colin as he pulled out a chair for you before sitting down. Pouring yourself a cup of coffee, you passed the decorated teapot to Daphne before reaching for the small jug of cream. The Bridgertons were very invested in palace life and wanted to know whatever you were allowed to tell them about. You looked up from your coffee when Eloise came back with Penelope Featherington. 

Smiling at Penelope, you handed her the box so you wouldn’t forget before you left. Her face dropped. 

“What is it?” 

“Oh, I don’t want to burden the princess with frivolous matters. We have an addition to our house. My cousin, Marina Thompson has come to stay for the season. But no matter, she can wear my dress. I have plenty already.” 

You shook your head. “No matter how frivolous they may be, your problems are the Crown’s problems. I will return tomorrow with another dress for Miss Thompson. Besides, each piece has been chosen specifically for each person. How could Miss Thompson possibly look good in a dress meant to make you look good?” 

Penelope smiled. “Is it alright if I open it here?” 

“Of course, Pen,” Anthony said. 

She carefully placed the lid of the box on the ground and ruffled through the pieces until she found the dress with her name pinned on it. She pulled out a dress of emerald green, just emerald green. No patterns insight. The sleeves were flatter than the balloon sleeves normally worn but that was because they were sheer with beading on them. 

“Wow. It is beautiful.” 

“The princess will be glad to hear that you like it. Now, I am very sorry but I have to go now. A midmorning promenade cannot be missed.” 

Everyone stood up when you did. 

“Well, yes, of course,” Violet said. “Will you return for breakfast tomorrow? Or whenever is a good time for you?” 

You weren’t stupid. Either the Dowager Viscountess wanted your fake persona to marry her son — probably the third son, Colin, since you were a valet. Or she wanted the princess to marry her son. In that case it must have been Anthony. You took your cloak from the footman it put it back on. 

“I shall see if I can appear tomor— this weekend. Before the Danbury ball, the family wants to go to the countryside. I shall be back here then.” 

“Lovely.” 

You stepped outside, taking the alleyways back to the palace. Pandora let out a breath when the painting finally moved. You stepped inside. 

“Have you been here the whole time?” 

“Yes, I have. Was your time outside fun?” 

“Absolutely, I will be doing it again later.” 

“What? Princess, please.” 

“Pandora, you don’t understand. It was amazing. One of the best times of my life.” 

“Y/N. What if your illness st—” 

“Then I shall deal with that when it happens. Oh, I met people. The houses in the ton are very nice.” 

“You went to someone’s house?” Pandora’s voice rose three octaves as she tried to stay quiet. 

“Just the Bridgertons. Their mother is very sweet. She invited me to a recurring breakfast whenever I have the time.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, and the rumors about them are true. The daughters are all beautiful. Their youngest son seems very nice.” 

“And the three eldest boys?” 

“Absolutely handsome. Especially the eldest.” 

The two of you giggled as you kept sharing what they looked like in person while you got ready for your promenade. The gardens were dreadfully boring but you felt better just thinking about going to the Bridgertons house next time. It could have been anyone but you were glad it was a large family and a family friend. Only your first day out and you already became acquainted with two families. That was a success in your book. 

~~~

“Princess! Princess Y/N! Your Highness!” 

You could hear the yelling down the hall. Looking over at your father, you smiled. 

“Thank you for talking with me about the ball, Mr. Jupiter. I think I should let them know I am alive.” 

“Go. I shall still be here.” 

You shimmied out from under the bed, George laughing at you the entire time. The bed wasn’t your favorite place to be but it was your father’s favorite place. You preferred the wardrobe. Swinging open the door, you spotted Brimsley running down the hall. 

“I’m right here!” 

He turned with a quickness. “Oh thank God. The Queen and King are requesting you actually attend breakfast with them instead of in the kitchens or your room.” 

“Father? How could he tell you? He’s right he—” 

“Yes. He usually stays in his wing. He came down earlier this morning.” 

You looked back at your bed. No one was there. George’s feet weren’t sticking out from the end of the bed. You bit your lip and didn’t say anything, choosing just to follow Brimsley to the dining room. If anyone found out you had a fit then there was no hope of your mother letting you go anywhere. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. Whenever you were anxious or stressed, a fit was bound to happen. Maybe you should have been taking your medicine. But it didn’t make you feel good at all. Tomorrow you’d ask for a change in medicine or doctor.

Your father looked better when you reached downstairs, actually cognizant, and your mother seemed happy. None of your other siblings were there. Pulling out your chair you sat down. The conversation went in one ear and out the other. You answered where necessary and that was about it. You needed to be perfect. When there was a lull in the talking, you found the perfect opportunity to speak. 

“Mother, may I go to Lady Danbury’s ball?” 

“No.” 

“I promise I will be on my be—” 

“No.” 

“If I have a fit then I will go stra—” 

“Y/N, do not make me repeat myself.” 

“But I just want to know why? All of my brothers and sisters were allowed to introduce themselves well before this age. Why am I still waiting?” 

“Dear, we’ve been over this.” 

“But Edward and Sophia both have the same illness and they were all—” 

“Because no one is as bad as yours!” Charlotte looked up from her plate when you grew silent. She sighed at the sight of your crestfallen face. “Y/N, dear, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I’m only talking about your illness, not you as a person… give me four months. Four months to prepare everything, then I will let you go, whether an incident happens or not. Just follow the rules and keep yourself safe.” 

“Thank you, Mother. I do have one more question.” 

“Yes?” 

“May I stay at Kew?” 

“Kew?” Both your mother and father said at the same time. 

“I have incidents whether I am here or with Father or by myself. We don’t have strong evidence that anything makes it better or worse. Kew is far enough that I’m not tempted by the city but close enough that I will not miss it. And I can still speak to the people.” 

In reality it’s because your parents never went to Kew. You wanted privacy and to not be under such a watchful eye. And if you could bring your court then absolutely no one would find out that you went into the city. 

Charlotte gave George a look. “Yes, the people do seem to love your letters. Okay, alright. I will allow you to stay at Kew but your father and I and your physician will be coming every Sunday to check on you. Brimsley and Reynolds will be going with you.”  

“Okay.” 

Buckingham wasted no time packing your things and taking them to Kew after the Danbury ball. You flopped onto your bed, happy to be left alone finally. Only half of your court came with you to Kew. The others were “dismissed” for the season — you wouldn’t need them again until you introduced yourself to society. Really you just needed them to stay at Buckingham and report to you what was happening. Naturally, Pandora came to Kew. 

The home looked just the same as when you were younger. The first thing you did was instruct every curtain to be open. The grounds were extensive and private. You weren’t in London but just outside of it. No one could see the place at all so there was no need to hide behind window decorations. 

“I should like dinner outside,” you said as you sat down in the short grassy part of the front lawn. 

“Outside?” 

“Yes. It’s very nice today. I would like to sit outside and eat and plan my new schedule. You and Reynolds can go to the cottage on the grounds. Turn left and you’ll see a bunch of cottages across the stream. Go to the third one. It’s behind a smattering of trees but the hedges there cover everything. You can see people before they see you.” 

“I’m sorry?” Brimsley’s eyes went wide. 

“I’ve known since I was five. I don’t think you two believed that a five year old could be observant but I was.” You turned back to look at him. “Well, I do not care. Brimsley, you should know I couldn’t possibly care about anything like that. With my issues I could never judge someone. Not for what you look like, your class, whoever you choose to pray to which is really none of my business. I don't like to sit in church anyway and much prefer prayer alone in the gazebo. It also doesn't matter who you... share a cottage with."

“Your Highness.” 

“I will keep your secret, Brimsley,” you reassured him. “Besides, when the time comes I will need for you to keep mine.” 

“Secrets? You have secrets? I didn't know... What would I be keeping?” 

“You’ll know it when it happens.” 

“Yes, Your Highness.” 

“Brimsley!” you yelled before he could step inside the house to tell them what you wanted to eat. “About what I said just then.” 

“It is no trouble at all, Your Highness.” 

“No, not my secrets… I would never tell anyone. Whether you kept my secret or not. I promise you that.” 

“Thank you.” 

“I will find a way to make it better.” 

Brimsley gave you a sad smile. “The effort alone is appreciated.” 

You gave him a determined look before returning to making your schedule. You didn’t have a need for full time tutors anymore, having finished formal schooling years ago.

So you put all your special tutors to come on Tuesday and Wednesday, your parents visiting on Sunday, you’d write all your letters on Thursday, and then waste away on Monday, Friday, and Saturday. A schedule your parents greatly approved of as they stated that you needed plenty of days to rest and not overwork yourself before you make the illness worse. Of course you didn’t tell them that those days were for going into the city. 

Monday morning you picked flowers to make a bouquet for the Featheringtons since you had only met one of them in person. Not that you needed it but you opened your book of flowers to see the meanings. You did hope that flower language would catch on more in a few years.

Taking your hand pruning shears, you started cutting both from the garden and the greenhouses. Basil for good wishes. White Carnations to wish a pure love. White Jasmine for amiability. Yellow lilies for happiness. Pink roses also for happiness. Bells of Ireland for good luck. You handed the first set of flowers to Brimsley before starting on individual bouquets for the four young women of the house. 

For Prudence: daisies for innocence, dandelions for faithfulness and happiness, peonies for a happy life and a happy marriage. For Phillippa: dandelions for faithfulness and happiness, fern for sincerity, honeysuckle for bonds of love. For Penelope: lady’s mantle for comfort, lily of the valley for sweetness, wallflower for faithfulness in adversity. For Marina: camellias for affection, lavender roses for enchantment, daffodils for good fortune.

You also collected flowers for the Bridgertons, small individual bouquets. Only two types of flower in each bouquet. For Violet: acacia for friendship and violet for her name.

For Anthony: acalia for temperance and agrimonia for gratitude. For Benedict: balm gentle for pleasantry and bearded crepis for protection. For Colin: chamomile for energy in adversity and coriander for hidden worth. For Daphne: daphne for her name and dandelions for happiness.

For Eloise: elderflower for zealousness and elephant’s ear for good luck. For Francesca: fern leaves for fascination and flower-of-an-hour for delicate beauty. For Gregory: garden chervil for sincerity and geranium, scarlet color, for comfort. For Hyacinth: hawthorn for hope and hyacinth for her name. 

“This should do.” 

“Shall we send them now?” 

“Oh, no, Brimsley. I shall take them with me.” 

“With you?” he squeaked. 

“Yes. I assume now would be a good time as ever to divulge my secret to you and Reynolds. Pandora already knows. I go out to see the ton. I have already done this a few times now.” 

Reynolds and Brimsley looked like they were going to faint. You laughed as you took your cloak from Pandora. You had no concern with anyone finding out since the two men in front were still in the gardens instead of running back to Kew to pen a letter. 

“Please ready the carriage. I’ve already missed breakfast as it is, I don’t want to be any later.” 

The only two things that freaked out your valets even more were entirely your fault as well. Reynolds stuttered through confusion when you refused the mask he was about to hand you. Brimsley actually did faint when you got out of the carriage before reaching the Bridgerton house. You turned around when he came to again. 

“The carriage is too recognizable. Until I get something more plain th—” 

“Just say the princess gave it to you for business affairs!” Brimsely yelled so loudly that you were concerned someone would hear it. 

For a moment you were ready to ignore his plea but then you realized he was right. Plus, you did already set up that poor women and rich women were treated equal in your court — something that was true but you only had three lower class women in your court to begin with. You got back into the carriage, knee bouncing the entire way. 

Peering out the window, you spotted Marshall. He titled his head a bit as you turned around, seemingly scolding someone inside, tilting even more when you walked in the opposite direction of their house. An older woman greeted you at the door of the Featherington home. You repeated the same thing you told Marshall the first time you came to the Bridgerton family. 

“Please come in. They’re in the drawing room, now… Ma’am, a visitor.” 

You curtsied as you entered their drawing room, waving to Penelope. “Hello… Woah, there are a lot of men. I’m sorry I was unaware we had already begun calling.” 

Lady Featherington put on her best smile. “Yes, what is it?” 

“Right. I am the Young Princess’ lady in waiting. She has made bouquets for you all. Well, as well as bouquets for the Bridgertons but rest assured I know exactly which ones belong to you.” 

The Featheringtons looked more than pleased to be receiving flowers after dresses, especially Lady Featherington. All the suitors were looking at them like winning prizes. To be favored by the princess is to have everyone’s hand in your lap and every name on your dance card. You read out what each flower meant and gave them a card that had them written down in case they were to forget. 

“Thank you so much, Miss?” 

“Beckett.”

“Miss Beckett. Please inform the princess that we are forever grateful for such a thoughtful gift. If it is no trouble would you like some biscuits or tea?” 

You decided to stay for a few minutes. Besides, watching suitors fall over their feet to impress women seemed like a very entertaining morning. Thanking the old woman for the tea, you took a sip before setting down the cup when you noticed Colin. He waved to you before making a bored face.

Clearly, he hadn’t been the first one to arrive for calling. You supposed that was the issue with all four of your girls out at once. There was only one drawing room so all of their suitors would have to wait their turn even if they were there for a different girl, at least until Lord Featherington came home and then maybe he could chaperone outside in the garden. You now understood why the Bridgertons were okay with Eloise delaying her debut. Focusing on only one woman is plenty enough.

Daphne had written to you that she had received no callers but none of the other Bridgertons had spoken about calling or the marriage mart at all. You only looked up from the mess of suitors when Eloise arrived, pulling up a chair at the small table you and Penelope were sitting at. Pen tapped your shoulder. 

You looked down at the overgrown rat in her arms. It was your turn to mind the dog that one of the gentlemen calling thought would be appropriate as a gift. Rolling your eyes, you took it anyway and began bouncing it like a child. At least it was a very calm dog. 

Your two friends laughed as you jumped when another gentleman began reciting a poem very loudly. Everyone was starting to fall asleep. His performance was both bad and boring, a combination you were hoping couldn’t be accomplished today. The sound of Lady Featherington’s clapping was the only thing that woke everyone up. She all but pushed the men out, saying the girls had seen enough suitors today. You frowned at her telling the gentlemen to say goodbye to even Penelope. Even? They should just be saying goodbye because she was a lady and in the house. Colin came over to you guys. 

“A most wretched sonnet indeed.” 

You laughed before standing up to leave with him, trying not to eavesdrop on their conversation. The two of them had such a close bond. You were sure that they’d end up with each other. He was probably here for her, waiting for a chance when Marina’s suitors were done. Handing Colin his flowers, you abandoned him for the drawing room of his house — pausing in your tracks when you saw a man you didn’t recognize. 

Violet jumped up along with Hyacinth and Francesca. “Oh, Miss Beckett, hello. We weren’t expecting you after you missed breakfast.” 

“Yes, I was preoccupied with the princess. I’m sorry am I intruding?” 

“No.” Daphne all but ran to meet you. “What do you have with you?”  

“The princess made bouquets.” You leaned in close. “I am very sorry about what Whistledown wrote. You didn’t deserve that. Perhaps flowers can cheer you up?” 

“Thank you so much.” 

“Where are the others? I shall give these to them then promptly return.” 

“Yes, please do,” Daphne said before having to return to her caller. 

Violet took her flowers from you. “Gregory is in the garden or with his brothers. More than likely his brothers. They are either in…” 

“Yes?” 

“Well they are in their rooms but I can’t just let you go in alo— It’s much too dangerous for a woman. The ton wo—” 

“I don’t see why I cannot seeing as I am the princ—” you stopped yourself. “Uh, the princess’ valet. I’m on official business from her and where she can go, I can go.” 

She still seemed unsure. 

“Besides, I am not a lady.” 

At that, Violet let you go upstairs but her face didn’t relax on any of the tension it held. You held onto the wooden railing as you skipped up the steps. You realized that you should have asked Violet which rooms were theirs. But it was too late now. Going back down would just be a matter of inconvenience and take longer in your return to Daphne’s aid. And not to mention, you were a princess. You didn’t need permission to enter anywhere, it was just polite to ask. Opening each door, you sighed in relief when one finally led to a bedchamber with people inside. Anthony looked up, setting down one of his many ledgers. 

“Beckett, what are you doing here?” 

At the sound of your name Gregory, who had been sitting on his older brother’s bed as he engrossed himself in some reading, looked up. “Beckett!”  

You handed them both the bouquets. “Courtesy of the princess, not my doing.” 

They chuckled as they took their bouquets from your arms. You heard the door creak behind you as it opened more. Turning, you came face to face with the second eldest Bridgerton. Benedict smiled. 

“I knew I heard Gregory call for you.” 

“Here. For you.” 

“Thank you. How long will you be staying?” 

“For dinner but then I must leave afterwards. So, what shall we do up here?” 

“Up here?” Anthony raised his eyebrows. “Alone? Miss Beckett, I do not think it… it is improper for us to be alone with you.” 

You scoffed. “Impropriety.”  

“It is true.”

“Firstly, I am not exactly bound by your rules of society. Second, we aren’t alone unless you are insinuating that anything would happen because you either can’t control yourself or are oddly content to share me with your brother.” You enjoyed watching them both stutter through a reply. 

“But if someone were to see us.”

“Does this window face the front of the street?” 

“No.” 

“Can anyone see anything in the back?” 

“No.” 

“Then no one is to see anything. Especially when nothing is happening. And lastly, I am not unchaperoned.”  

“You aren’t?” 

You pointed to the youngest Bridgerton in the room. “Gregory is not a man but a child. Therefore someone who is not an available bachelor is watching and supervising us.” 

He grinned, not even caring that he was called a child. “Yeah. I’m very good at watching.” 

You could do nothing but laugh as you flopped over Anthony’s bed and asked Gregory to hand you a book he was finished with.

Benedict blinked. “I guess I cannot argue with that. I’ll go get my charcoals and come back.” 

“Ah, right, but first let me eavesdrop on Daphne and Nigel. Almost forgot.” 

“Lord Berbrooke?” 

“Don’t make me laugh by giving him a title.”

When you returned, the boys had found their way into a comfortable silence. They barely acknowledged your presence when you sat down. Per Anthony’s request, the door didn’t just stay unlocked or ajar but completely open. Benedict looked away from his paper and at you. 

“What do you mean you aren’t bound by rules of society?” 

“I said your rules.” 

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, then. Our rules."

“The rules of the upper class and the ton. I am bound by royal rules and royal rules only which you’d be surprised to find are very different from the rules of the ton… I should suggest to the princess that she must write about those rules.” 

“And what are royal rules then?” 

“The only one that pertains to you is that it isn’t a crime for a royal or a member of their court to be unchaperoned while around the opposite sex.” 

Violet decided to go upstairs after seeing Lord Berbrooke out their front door, utterly exhausted. She just needed a few moments of rest before going back to Daphne. Passing by her son’s room, she paused. Anthony was at his desk working, Gregory was sitting at the head of the bed reading, you laid flopped across it with several things around you, and Benedict was sitting on the floor leaning against the side of the bed with his art supplies spread out all around. The sight could be considered improper but Violet refused to interrupt. 

“Anthony, come look at Benedict’s work and tell him it is better than he gives himself credit for.” 

Violet watched her son take his ledgers and come sit by Benedict, who had cleared enough of his supplies away for his brother, right underneath where you were laying. Not caring, you rested your chin on top of his head so you wouldn’t lose balance as you pointed to where you liked Benedict’s sketch. You couldn’t help but laugh as Anthony stiffened up for a moment. 

“You’re worse than Brimsley. I already told you that I am not a lady. Calm yourself.” 

“Brimsley?” 

“The Queen’s temporarily former valet. He moved to Kew with us.” 

“The family now stays at Kew?” 

“No, just the princess. It was a gift of sorts as she’s the only child to live there. It is a chance to live alone and like a proper adult before her introduction to society.” 

Gregory became interested once again. “We’ll get to see the princess soon? When?” 

“Roughly four months if all goes well… You know, I must take you all to Kew one day.” 

“That sounds lovely.” 

Violet smiled as she continued heading to her destination. You and Anthony seemed to be headed towards friendship. If you really did take him to Kew then he would get to meet the princess alone.

(part 3)

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[sylusheart]

`sylus: a character study

finally here with the sylus post as promised <3 if you haven't already, do check out my caleb post. in this post i'll summarise the current theories/speculations regarding sylus, however with all the new confirmations and reveals a lot of the previous theories have been debunked so i'm only going to include whats still relevant as of now. and don't worry, even in the future if most of these theories are complete waffle i'll still leave this post up, as well as my caleb one and any other upcoming lnds theory posts. as always, if i miss anything or if you want to correct anything please fill free to mention it in the comments <3 also this includes spoilers for love and deepspace veresion 2 so if you haven't finished the new updates yet and don't want to get spoiled pls look away!!! but if you're thirsty for more sylus content buckle up and keep reading, let's start... ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

ᰔ the meaning of sylus' name

starting things off simple let's look into the meaning of his name. 'sylus' can mean "from/of the woods", or more specifically the name sylus/silas originally comes from the short form of 'silvanus' which means "protector" or "guardian" (of the forest). funnily enough, this has clearly been depicted throughout he main story so far as he's been watching over mc from the very beginning. it's also said that silvanus can appear as someone who is unfazed and daring with a rebellious soul and is willing to explore the darkest woodlands - which sort of links back to how sylus is so comfortable in the N109 zone despite it being a terrifying place to others and outsiders.

ᰔ the flower in his trailer represents mc

i've seen a few people point out that the untouched flower in his trailer represents mc. seeing as sylus is the ruthless leader of onychinus he's clearly meant to be seen as someone who is unforgiving and rather rash. but amongst all of the deadliness shown in his trailer, a lone flower sits unharmed as he walks past, suggesting a softer side to him. we can assume that him avoiding to trample over the flower was intentional because he steps over his wanted poster, this small detail in general shows how he holds a tender and respectful side that he reserves for mc. ultimately, it shows how sylus is a multifaceted character - he voluntarily avoids the flower, willingly choosing to be tender even when no one was there to witness so. not to mention, on the recent stream one of the kitties (blurple) said that sylus had rescued it when it found itself on top of one of the buildings (probably in the N109 zone) and he gently set it down to a safer place on the ground after telling it that "kitties don't belong here". to me, he comes off as a man that is unforgiving when need be, he's not going to start terrorising everyone because of how he tends to behave. he seems like someone who prefers not to cross over lines unless someone has crossed his first - that's to say, he won't act hostile or irrational unless he has been wronged first. but of course, many people who know of him can find that difficult to believe because all of the stories they hear about him don't tend to have a civil ending. it's sort of like he only shows his softer side in private, which makes sense if you think about it as he probably has an endless list of enemies and the last thing he needs is having someone/something close to him used against him for blackmail or whatnot.

ᰔ sylus' heartbeat, is he actually human? i remember that before sylus came out a lot of us seemed to think that raising his heartbeat would be worse than how it already is to try and raise zayne's, although if you've tried to do it you'll notice his heartbeat tends to be very fast almost all the time. his heartbeat in game is about 90-105 in the morning and then in the afternoon/evening time it ranges between 100-164. even though it varies, it's still a faster heartbeat than the norm. but why is it more faster later on in the day? i mean it could be because he has a preference for doing things at night which explains why his heartbeat seems to be more active during those later times of the day - but regardless, it's still overly fast.

a resting heartbeat usually ranges between 60-100bpm, unless of course excercise becomes a factor - but even then sylus doesn't go red or show any physical signs that can explain why his heartbeat is so high. so the only explanation as to how his heartbeat is so fast is because he simply isn't human. but to be fair, a crow's heartbeat is usually between 150 to 200 on average when awake and can rise up to 600 when resting, but then again just because his familiar/pet is a crow and he's associated with crows it doesn't exactly confirm that he himself is a crow-human... hybrid. so... then what is he? well, there's a part in the main chapter, a flashback of some sort, where mc is reliving a memory for a bit. she's seen to be holding a hand - a hand that doesn't look very human - and called it "sylus". the creature seems to look like a wanderer, and if it really is sylus but in wanderer form, i presume he''s stuck in the transition stages (if you're familiar with zayne's dawnbreaker lore, this'll make more sense) from human to wanderer as mc can still recognise him (?) as she's holding his hand (we assume) it might be that she's resonating with him? perhaps this halted the transition process or something... but it's not clear enough to indicate what exactly is happening, from what we can tell mc appears to be covered in blood and they both seem to be injured but other than that the whole ordeal looks quite bizarre.

within the main story chapter we also see the little girl describe sylus as a monster with horns and huge wings who can never die. from what we've seen of sylus' regeneration ability (his self-healing) during that part when mc shot him (actually, it was sylus who pushed down the trigger, using mc's finger but i'll go more indepth on that below), and he healed only moments later - further proving the little girls rumor that sylus is invincible. the other attributes in her description (horns, big wings and being a monster) seems like she's just describing a devillish like wanderer, which sort of sounds like how sylus would be if he were to be one...

if we go back to the experiments involving core fragments, the people who participated in the experiment said that one is to "implant a core in a person't heart" and the other is to "implant a consciousness in a high level wanderer body" and so from here we know that mc is the former and sylus could possibly be the latter, that is - if he truly was one of the test subjects.

also, in the destiny cafe he has an interaction that says he likes observing humans and also says that things without heart are more loyal.

going back to that main story scene where there's a memory/flashback of mc and the wanderer-like being, we see the creature hand over something to mc which looks like a sword with his claw-like hands. the bottom looked like it was inlaid with a red core a red ruby, so if this wanderer thingy isn't sylus himself perhaps it was sent by sylus (?) somehow… which could be why mc says his name. the wanderer asks mc to hold it tightly and at this point (if this wanderer really is sylus) he hasn't completely transitioned into a wanderer yet as he can still talk to mc.

so if the creature/wanderer really is sylus, from what we can gather - sylus was turned into a wanderer. if mc didn't kill him, then he might've completely turned into a wanderer, which is why he said "because if you don't, there's no going back", and so sylus in his wanderer form handed mc the weapon when he was still conscious so that mc could pierce his heart and prevent him from becoming a wanderer and losing consciousness. though it doesn't look like she chose to kill him and instead opted to resonate with sylus which ultimately made his self-healing ability increase/double in power. at the same time this pulled on the energy from mc's aether core and altered the heart in sylus body, reshaping it in such way that he can now regenerate/self-heal. it also paused his transition into become a wanderer. as pointed out, this only happened because of mc resonating with sylus - which is why the voice in mc's head tells her "it's your power", because without her sylus wouldn't of gained such abilities and be able to manipulate with his evol as much as he can now. maybe the real reason why he wants to resonate with her so badly is because he wants to give mc her power back so that she can be as strong and as powerful as she once was. i'm not saying he feels 'guilty' for mc choosing to use her abilities to save sylus' life but i feel like he feels as if its his time to pay his debt to her and give her back what was rightfully hers, even if that meant he'd die in the process (which most likely will happen if he were successful). the part in the main story where sylus is on a throne and he uses his evol to pull her onto his lap and then allows her to point a gun at him and shoot him, he notes her hesitation and clasps his own hand around hers - and if you look closely in that scene he pushes down the trigger himself (pressing down on her finger) so that the shot goes through his chest. maybe he thought her power would restore to her if he was killed by her hand. when she realises whats happened, she feels immense guilt and regret, believing she was the cause of this. mc says something like "you can't die yet" in a way as if she's known him forever and not for the few hours/days we are shown in the story so far. he makes a remark, and talks a little smug over mc feeling bad for what happened. at this point, he's probably realised that his evol was beginning to take effect because of the failure to resonate with mc - meaning he was going to regenerate and not die like he assumed he would.

going back to that wanderer memory/flashback, after mc resonates with the sylus-wanderer it must've reversed the wanderers body back to human. the use of her evol in all of this must've altered fate and went beyond the rules of the unprecendented and unparalleled, sylus has also said "someone has already overcome fate" and that people have done it/conquered fate before him (source: abyssal chaos) most likely referring to how mc changed his fate so that he wouldn't turn into a wanderer. he also says something about being told a blood-soaked disaster would be waiting for him, but he twisted fate by bringing a blood-soaked disaster to other people. it seems like to me, that there is a possibility for loopholes and changes of destiny in the deepspace but it's not something that can happen so easily.

sort of like how zayne was punished for defying astra, mc must've payed a price for going against the laws of fate to save sylus. i guess this means her paid price was the result of her death as she must've been overly exhausted from the loss of energy spent to save sylus.

sylus also said mc owed him a "farewell ceremony bigger than death" because the love-hate story between them has not come to an end yet, even if she died first. i haven't read his anecdotes yet but i've heard that he searched in all the galaxies across time and space to find the mc again, only to find her in linkon city (similar to xavier's situation with mc really).

ᰔ the significance of sylus giving mc wine someone pointed out that when sylus gave mc the wine it was somewhat similar to hades giving persephone the pomegranate seeds. if you're unfamiliar with hades and persephone's story to put it short, when persephone was going to leave hades gave her pomegranate seeds and she consumed them without much thought only to later realise that she was now unable to leave now that she had consumed food from the underworld, ultimately meaning she had to stay with hades forever. i really like this theory because it does really amplify sylus' possessiveness. not to mention one of his chat bubbles is literally a pomegranate... if that doesn't solidify this theory i don't know what else will.

ᰔ so was sylus also experimented on? a lot of the scenery associated with sylus seems to show much about cages/being restricted/tamed/tied up, it could possibly nod towards being experimented on (like how mc was) which is why sylus tells mc that they are the same and true kindred spirits. even if he didn't go through the exact same experiments mc was put through its possible he went through something similar. he does have aether core inside of him after all, just like mc, and i highly doubt he was just 'born' with it, it must've been planted there by something or someone or maybe it has something to do with one of his past lives (?).

ᰔ sylus and astra, what's the extent of sylus' evol? now onto some juicy stuff, i've seen some talk about sylus being astra personified and although sylus being astra might be a little far-fetched, i do think there's some sort of connection. in zayne's foreseer myth, there's a part that says “astra gifted one of his eyes to the foreseer. by walking the winding path of time did the foreseer understand its passing.” since zayne still sees his alternate lives when he’s dreaming, it’s safe to assume that he’s still connected to that foreseer eye, but what about the other eye? isn't it strange that it's only one of sylus' eyes that glow... when mc asks sylus if his eye is an aether core he doesn’t say yes, he responds with “something like that”. if the foreseer’s eye sees one’s fate then sylus’ eye sees one’s true desires - as evident through what we see in the main story. there's also a part in zayne's last myth that sort of links back to this: “it’s said the god wields the power of yin and yang, governing life and death.”

we know astra granted his eye to zayne, but what about sylus? was it a gift too or did he steal it? and again, it's possible he was a victim of one of the experiments that happened all those years ago.

now this brings attention to rafayel's heart. was that astra's too, the aether core? if mc has an aether core, and sylus and rafayel have one too… perhaps these are all just fragments of the real aether, and maybe there's 5 fragments in total meaning xavier and caleb may have one too... mc is also heavily affected by sylus' evol which is probably due to her playing a part in how strong it has become or because his evol in general can mess with anyone regardless if they're an ordinary evolver or not. it's pretty obvious at this point that his evol is most probably the strongest we've witnessed yet, not only does he has multiple abilities and an aether core, but some of mc's power too (if the wanderer = sylus theory is correct). it's also important to note that sylus' self-healing ability which essentially allows him to survive death is similar to how mc could come back to life after the many experiments she was put through that killed her each time, i guess this confirms that the only reason sylus obtained this ability in the first place was when mc chose to save him and resonate with him once upon a time. unlike mc, he remembers everything - or so it seems. to mc his words may seem cryptic, but he probably does know more than he lets on and he just chooses to be very vague with what he says (probably out of protection, it seems he wants answers - perhaps after he gets his answers he will be more open with mc and trying to get her to remember).

ᰔ sylus and caleb/ever group (?) in the main story, when speaking about ever group sylus seems to regard them in distaste. of course, as onychinus and ever are two different groups entirely, we can assume they're also on two sides and are potential enemies. sylus makes it seem as if he's quite familiar with them, probably having dealt with them on a few occasions, but with the way he speaks of them i presume they weren't very delightful occasions. there is a part where sylus says to mc, "the people closest to you might be the ones who want to kill you the most.” which could refer to josephine and how she quite literally participated in the experiments that repetitively killed mc. but i primarily think this line has everything to do with caleb. i get the sense that the only reason sylus can know caleb is through ever group and we all can tell caleb is associated with something bigger than the aerospace academy. so if caleb truly is part of ever group, then we know one potential reason as to why sylus dislikes them, or more specifically caleb. there's also an official artwork (see below) that has a white, red-eyed snake wrapped around caleb's arm. the snake could very much represent sylus in a way. the art itself can allude to when mc went into the no hunt zone. she takes on the role as a sinner by pretending to betray the hunters, and as caleb is speculated to be the guy in the shadows in chapter 8, there's a possibility that sylus might be forcing caleb to pretend to be dead/betray mc which is why he is maintaining a low profile. as sylus is the snake and has control over caleb like a puppet with strings, in the art we can also see that both caleb and mc are tempted to eat the forbidden fruit - however, mc is able to freely do so whereas with caleb’s side of the art it looks like he will get bitten by the snake if he even dares to, it's as if there are consequences if mc ever finds out that caleb is actually alive.

that's all i've gathered for now <3 i'll update as i find more and read more of his cards (as well as the new world underneath stories... i haven't read those yet) but it might take a while for me to update because i'm swamped with work :T but anywho, thank you for reading :3 pls let me know your thoughts! (⭒•͈ 𓎺 •͈ )

[akutasoda]

bloody confessions

synopsis - in a sudden realisation they may never see you again, they have something to say

includes - diluc, kaeya, xiao, sara, cyno, wriothesley

warnings - gn!reader, angst to comfort in some, angst, mentions of blood, reader is fighter in kaeya's and sara's, reader dies in kaeya's(sorry), wriothesely may be occ, enemies to lovers, wc - 2.1k

diluc ragnvindr ★↷

mistakes. diluc has made alot of those in his life, some of them worse than others. but the worse one to date is letting you end up in this condition.

you were one of diluc's most trusted friends since his childhood, someone that stuck through him thick and thin. but someone along that line of friendship you had started to wish that it was something slightly more than a strong friendship. but you had no idea if diluc felt the same and not wanting to make things awkward you kept quiet about your growing feelings.

but little did you know diluc felt the same way. but both of you were scared that the other may not feel the same way. but passers-by could see that both of you were struggling with your feelings. more specifically diluc's brother kaeya. who practically couldn't help but cringe at the awkwardness knowing his brother was hopelessly in love with you but couldn't bring himself to confess.

but eventually with a little prodding from kaeya, diluc starrted to plan his way to confess. even eventually asking adeline for help, who couldn't help but smile at the idea of diluc finally confessing. but it seemed the archon's weren't in his favour.

on the day if his confession diluc went out to meet you in his wineyard. as the previous day he asked you to meet him there. but after 10 - 15 minutes of waiting passed the time agreed, you hadnt shown up. he tried to tell himself you were just running late that you would be here any minute but that was doing little to his hopes of confessing. eventually he heard someone approaching. thinking it was you he started mentally preparing himself, until ge saw adeline round the corner wearing a concerned look. 'master diluc I'm afraid I've come bearing bad news' this sent his mind into a spiral. 'what kind of bad news?' he was hoping to the archons it wasn't to do with you but seeing as adeline told him presumably right away it was serious. 'im afraid your going to have postpone your confession, they are currently being tended after a serious accident'.

this sent his heart racing, and his mind clouded with worry and anger. adeline explained how some fatui skirmishers had ambushed you and left you in a critical state, dead had not the knights of favonius stepped in. as diluc approached where you were recovering, he had ran into a medic and asked how you were and after confirming you were fine and just needed to rest but he could go see you, he couldn't help but grimace at your bloodied state. matted hair, bandage's, archons he wished he was there to save you. he knelt beside you taking your slightly cold but warming hand in his he pressed it to his lips and in a moment of weakness spilled out all his confessions, knowing you were unconscious and probably wouldnt hear him, but it made him feel better.

kaeya alberich ★↷

you two were known as an unstoppable duo in the knights of favonius. his stragetic thinking paired with your power in combat, you two were a package deal. but recently that had been concerns with more abyss mage's showing up near mondstadt's border. needing only you to go out and sort out the arising problem.

this concerned kaeya more than it should've. to most it seemed like he was worried because you were working partners and this was the first mission in a while you would be separated. and he thought so too. he tried to think rationally but the longer he tried to deny his budding feelings for you, the stronger they became. and he could only hope you returned safely and maybe he could get over his denial and confess.

so on the day you were meant to return, exactly 3 days you were set to be gone - he kept track, kaeya couldn't focus in his work and instead promted to wait for you. he waited until he saw a figure in the distance thinking it was you he got up excitedly, until he saw more people with the figure and the closer they came he noticed you. but you weren't looking like your normal self. you laid unconscious in another knights arm's as they rushed passed him hoping to get you the urgent treatment you needed. he was frozen in place for a while until he realised he needed to check how you were.

he paced outside where you were being treated waiting for the medic's to let him in as he was told it wasn't wise for him to be in there while you were being treated. until the noises of the medics near your bed went silent as tine seemed to stop. panic-stricken, he barged into where you were to see the grimaces on everyone's faces as they didnt stop him from teaching out to grab your hand. your hand that felt colder than anything he had ever felt before.

adeptus xiao ★↷

xiao was reluctant to let you, a mortal, into his life. he was scared his karmic debt would affect you aswell as his past comrade's. but you were insistent on becoming the yaksha's friend. and eventually you earned a spot in his heart.

eventually after being close to the yaksha for a while he started feeling a new feeling he had never felt before. whenever you dragged him to do things he felt a flutter in his stomach that made him feel weird. he didn't know what to do. everytime you smiled at him or did something with or for him he felt this way and he was at loss of what to do about it. maybe it would just go away.

that was until one day he returned to the wangshu inn and verr goldet immediately called for him to tell him 'just to be clear, they should be fine-', that set him up in alarm. there was only one person that verr goldet would know that he had a bond with. you. he immediately went to your room in the wangshu inn, after listening to verr goldet explain the whole story to him.

he looked upon you bandaged body that hid your worst wounds from him. why didn't you call for him? he knelt beside you and with no explanation looked ahead and started spewing out confessions about how you made him feel. 'you are the only person to make me feel these things, stay and help me understand them.'

kujou sara ★↷

you were an upcoming soilder in the tenryou commission. you had alot of potential and that attracted even the general herself. she never really was that intrested in her fellow soilders, she got along with them sure that's what any good general would do but you seemed different.

originally she thought it was your quick rise in the ranks, or something similar. but it seemed different when she had a small twinge of jealousy stir within her when a soilder became overly friendly with you. she also found intrest in how when sparring, you wanted to spar with her and surprisingly managed to keep up pretty well.

but eventually you were placed on a patrol with some other similar ranking commission members a fair way away from the camp. she had made decisions like this for a while but this one felt different and more personal for her. she pushed those feelings back and insisted to herself that they would pass. although she still counted down the days till you returned not that she would admit.

but when you returned you were beaten, bruised and completely bloody, the only one to return. you passed out before you even stepped into the camp and had to be rushed back into inazuma for urgent treatment. turns out your camp was ambushed and destroyed within seconds. Sara felt an indescribable amount of fear at the thought of losing you so she felt compelled to finish the mission as quickly as possible and check up on you and maybe get revenge. this was a shock to other soilders but no one spoke about it, they wouldn't dare. but sara was more aware of her feelings now and as much as she hated to think of it but maybe confessing to you wasn't that bad when you recovered.

cyno ★↷

you had met the general mahamatra through your friend tighnari. you were a nature researcher who had moved to sumeru to learn more about avidya forest and its close by equivalents. and your old friend tighnari was the forest watcher at avidya. however soon introduced you to cyno.

you had originally only planned to spend 6 months in sumeru but the bountiful enviroments and the people you met meant you stayed longer than intended. and eventually you were offered a job in looking at nature in the desert of hadramaveth. it was a way away but you had high hopes for it. however cyno felt slightly differently. over the past months cyno had started developing what tighnari had to point out to him, a crush.

on the day you were to depart, you bid farewells and cyno watched you feeling uneasy at knowing you would be a long way away for a month. he wanted to go with you to ensure your safety (totally not to spend time with you) but he had his duties to attend to and you're expedition team was sure to make a safe trip there and back. however one day, a week before your expected return, there was an uproar in one of the akademiya's medical bay's. cyno thought nothing of it until he saw tighnari rushing over there and stopped him just to find out your expedition had been ultimately destroyed by a setekh wenut, which you had accidentally stumbled across.

cyno was furious that your safety was widely disregarded and the akademiya hadn't provided enough protection, but was ultimately relieved that you had survived. sure you were a bit worse for wear but you were alive, unlike a few expedition members. and in those moments that cyno visited you until you recovered he realised that if you were to die he would've been distraught he never confessed to you. but maybe soon he would.

wriothesley ★↷

you and wriothesley had a complicated relationship some might say. but to each other you were rival's. no doubt about you hated each other. you two would constantly try to one up the other or never fail to make a snarky remark if spotted in the same room. but sometimes the lines between rivalry and something else blurred as wriothesley sometimes couldn't help but find how adorable you looked when you were angry and to him that was just something to tease you with more.

sometimes the people of fontaine, especially older folks, would find your petty rivalries exhausting to witness. sometimes one of you would stoop to the lowest of the lows and find a way to 'prank the other' but that sometimes ends up looking like a children's squabble. a petty, ridiculous and downright tiring squabble.

however at the end of the day you both had jobs. very respectable jobs at that. and sometimes that did mean working with each other which meant that it would come to a unspoken agreement to not continue your rivalry in the workplace. but after a particular day of hardwork wriothesley had overheard a particular conversation from two fontaine citizens about how you had encountered a fatal accident with some fatui members. that made his blood run colder than his cryo vision. there's no way you would lose to some fatui members.. right? probably just gossip roaming the streets of fontaine. yeah that's it.

well it wasn't. he kept hearing about it more and more until he decided to go and see to these 'rumors' himself. so he went over to the medic's himself and asked if you were here and to his fear, you were. the rumors were true. in a moment of panic he demanded to see you but was told that you were still under observation and he could come back tomorrow and visit. so thats what he did.

as soon as he was allowed he went straight to see you, for reasons that escaped him. he gazed down at your bloody, slight frostbitten body and let out a sigh he didint know he was holding and preceded to let out all the unspoken feelings he had that were hidden behind snark comments and teasing actions. he knew you hadn't heard him but it felt good to get it out. he slowly raised your hand to his lips, and left.

[slut4thebroken]

Trapped

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Robert Capa x reader

Summary | You ask Capa for his help, then get stuck in a a room barely big enough for the two of you. After only a few minutes of forced proximity, he snaps.

Warnings | NON CON sexual content, 18+, smut, dubcon but technically noncon tbh, forced proximity, vaginal sex, painful sex, forced breeding, crying, idk what else lol.

Words | 1k+

Notes | Don’t ask for specifics on the beginning… I kept it vague for a reason💀 Also I lowkey can’t tell if this is cringy cause I wrote and published it in one day which I never do so I’ll probably come back to it😭 but anyway I hope y’all enjoy

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

“Yeah I know, but everyone else is busy.”

“I’m busy.” He retorted. 

“With what exactly?” You waited and he huffed, rolling his eyes, making you smirk. “It’ll be quick.”

“Fine.” You led him through the long hallways before finally stopping outside of a door. You used your key to open it, then stepped inside, and he waited impatiently for what you wanted to show him. 

“I just need you to double check this for me. Better safe than sorry, you know?” He mumbled out an agreement, then stepped closer, trying to see. When he still couldn’t quite make it out, he stepped forward even more and your stomach dropped as the light quickly left the room, followed by the door clicking shut. 

“Fuck! Capa— this door locks!” You all but yelled, panic filling your chest. 

“What?” 

“We’re trapped, you fucking idiot,”

“Hey, this is not my fault. You could’ve told me.” You could hear the handle violently jiggling as he tried to open it, despite what you just said. With the door now closed, you couldn’t even turn around to face him because of how small the space was. “Who else did you ask to help you before me?” 

“Not enough people for them to realize we're missing anytime soon.” He cursed under his breath and you let out a heavy sigh. There wasn’t a light in this ‘room’ so he couldn’t even look at what you originally came down here for, which just made all of this worse. 

You shifted your weight, trying not to think about how long you might have to stand here without being able to move. Even though you were praying someone would come, you knew deep down that it would take a couple hours at least. You heard him try the handle again before letting out a heavy breath. You were silent, trying to think of something to say or if you should even say anything at all. When his breathing picked up, you paused, listening for a few more seconds just to be sure. 

“I hope you’re not claustrophobic.” You said, mostly teasingly. 

“That’s not the problem right now.” He muttered, making your brows furrow in confusion. He cursed under his breath and you waited for him to elaborate on what the problem was. Instead, his hands just barely brushed your hips, making you stiffen. When he grabbed them lightly, your breath caught in your throat. 

“What are you doing?” You couldn’t hide the slight quaver in your voice. He ignored you and started rubbing up and down your sides. “Stop it.” You warned, trying to bat his hands away, but barely being able to in the small space. You suddenly felt his breath on your shoulder and he dragged his nose up your neck, inhaling deeply. 

“Capa?” You whispered, stomach knotting with fear. He let out a low groan and suddenly gripped your hips, hard enough to make you wince, to keep you from moving. 

“I’m sorry.” He muttered. Before you could ask what that meant, he was shoving your pants and underwear down, making you yelp and try to pull them back up. His were next, pushing the clothing down just enough to free his cock. 

“Wait,” You tried thrashing, but he pushed you forward against the wall and grabbed your hips again to limit your movement. “Capa, stop!” You felt his cock brush your hole and you stiffened. He moved one hand to line up his cock and the other to cover your mouth. 

He applied some pressure, but wasn’t able to push in, so he used more force until he finally breached your hole. You let out a hoarse scream behind his hand, feeling your eyes burn with tears. That was nothing compared to the burning between your legs though. 

“Fuck— I’m sorry. I just need this…” He said through a breath, only staying still for a moment before starting a brutal pace, making your tears fall. He rutted into you and the hand not on your mouth wrapped around your stomach, holding you still. You clawed at both of his hands and arms, trying to get him to release you. Instead, he just groaned at the pain and fucked you harder. 

“I know… I’m sorry.” He said, as if that could make up for anything. You sobbed violently behind his hand and that only seemed to encourage him, making him fuck you even rougher. “Fuck you’re so tight.” He whispered, hot breath fanning your ear. “You feel so fucking good… god— it’s been so long.” 

He humped into you desperately, chasing his own pleasure and ignoring your muffled cries. Even though your body was starting to adjust to make this easier, it still hurt like hell and you already knew you weren’t going to be able to sit comfortably for at least a day or two. He groaned and cursed against your ear as he tightened his grip, fucking you more frenzied now. 

“Oh fuck— I’m already close… I have to fill you.” He said lowly. You let out the loudest scream so far. “I know, I’m sorry, I just need it so fucking bad. I need to come in a tight, hot pussy, I can’t take it anymore.” He whined, holding you tighter. You let out a stifled sob and shook your head.  

“I’m sorry,” He moaned, thrusts becoming more forceful and desperate, “I can’t stop— I can’t pull out, I’m so sorry.” You tried to scream protests at him from behind his hand but nothing you said was coherent. 

He moaned out one last apology before his hips snapped forward, burying his cock deep enough to make your cervix ache. He humped into you as he rode it out, groaning against your ear and squeezing your body tight enough to almost hurt. You felt his cock twitching as warmth filled you, making you let out a strangled whimper. The hand on your mouth dropped so that his arm wrapped around your chest instead, still holding you against his body as you cried silently. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, one last time. 

Taglist (join here)

@pedrisgatorade @lunyyx @cillianscrybaby @vivvive @ceruleanrainblues

[pikahlua]

Wait pika do you really mean don't ask you about predictions? Some of my favourite Tumblr posts of all time are your thoughts, theories and predictions! :((

Please sleep also, but when you can let us know what's going on in that head of yours. I'm desperate for someone with a brain cell to discuss this chapter! (Twitter is a cesspit)

I mean, you can ask lol. I just sometimes get these vague "any predictions?" asks and it's like, YES. YES I HAVE SOME. BUT IT'S FAR TOO MANY TO JUST LIST LIKE THAT, CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE SPECIFIC?

Okay, I'll tell you about my thoughts.

This is a new frame of the scene in chapter 1. This perspective doesn't exist as a drawing in chapter 1, but we know pretty easily what this scene was about. Why is Horikoshi putting the scene here though? Why does this scene have the line "Let go of One For All"? Why not draw Kudou saying it, or Izuku's reaction to it? Is it because this is a memory of the scene where Izuku receives OFA, so giving OFA up is coming around full circle to this moment again?

I don't think so.

This is not the moment where All Might proclaims "you are worthy of inheriting my power" and Izuku looks up in shock. This is the moment where All Might says the words Izuku has longed to hear his whole life: "You can become a hero."

We're coming back to this moment now because the emphasis is on Izuku's upcoming choice. This is about the MEANING Izuku places in OFA. All Might told Izuku "you can't become a hero without a quirk," then shows up to tell Izuku he can become a hero...by giving him his quirk.

To Izuku, letting go of One For All is sacrificing his greatest dream. He believes by giving up One For All, he can no longer be a hero. Even though there have been moments where All Might let on that the reason Izuku deserves to have OFA is because he's already a hero, Izuku never seems to internalize that answer. He thinks his heroism is tied to being the bearer of One For All.

No one has ever told Izuku he can be a hero without a quirk.

I said before I had a big guess about why Katsuki's memory was wiped at the end of Heroes Rising. Notably, he is allowed to remember most of what happens. His memory cuts off from the moment Izuku passed One For All onto him. Do you remember what Katsuki said after he got OFA?

"This is the end of your dream then, too, huh?"

That's the last thing he ever says on the matter. Sure, it's the moment where Izuku answers with "It's okay if it's you" and all that, but Katsuki never responds to that. We don't know what he's thinking about this moment.

The only clue we have is the fact that he accepted the quirk from Izuku, and how he reacted to that. He seems quite upset by the prospect, but in the end he relents and accepts OFA willingly.

Perhaps the issue he is grappling with in his heart in these moments is not the fact that he has to inherit OFA but that Izuku has to lose it. Which means...the reason he loses his memory is because his reaction is important. It's a moment we will have in the manga, which makes it a spoiler.

We've never heard Katsuki tell Izuku what he thinks of quirklessness now. All he's ever told Izuku is that way back when, he thought it meant Izuku was supposed to be beneath him. He doesn't even tell Izuku why he felt like somehow Izuku was actually above him.

He's also only ever told Izuku his actions were correct ever since he received One For All, nothing about before.

I think Katsuki's reaction to Izuku losing OFA--which could come before the final battle or after--will have to be about his feelings regarding Izuku's quirklessness. I think Izuku is going to be incredibly hurt by losing One For All because he'll think he has lost his dream, and Katsuki is going to have to set him right, because only Katsuki knew who Izuku was before he had One For All. All Might is the only other person who had at best a glimpse of Izuku.

I think Katsuki has been coming to terms with just how special Izuku is, how heroic he always has been, and that he's the only one capable of acknowledging it in a way Izuku will be able to hear because he knew Izuku before he got One For All. I think he's been grappling with this possibility ever since DvK2.

And I think he grapples with it again in Katsuki Bakugou: Rising.

In the same way Izuku saw something great in Katsuki that he wanted to cling to so he could see what Katsuki would one day become, Katsuki has always seen something great in Izuku, which awed and scared him. Their greatest divide was in not knowing what greatness the other saw in them. Katsuki has to tell Izuku what Izuku is to him.

Katsuki has to tell Izuku the words he's always wanted to hear, that he can be a hero, quirk or no, that Izuku always has been a hero, more than anybody else. Katsuki knows the truth of it firsthand.

[carnivore-voyeur]

This tweet is almost a month old, but it has been festering in my brain this entire time and if I don’t let it out then it’s just going to get worse. How is this kind of message not embarrassing to this fandom, but also pretty harmful to our community as a whole? I’ve tried to let my anger go over this one, but you see I’ve dealt with both neurotypical and neurodivergent people in my life belittling my experiences in a way that’s pretty much prevented me from getting the support I need. So when I see someone make these assumptions about another person based solely on the fact that they clearly don’t like them, all that grief I have inside of me over being subjected to these kinds of comments myself comes crashing down.

This is in line with what I meant when I said sometimes the way people in this fandom treat Tobias versus the unmasked musicians is out of pocket. You put him on this pedestal as this fun, quirky man with genius ideas that scratch your “neurodivergent” brains and you idolize him to the point where he no longer has flaws. Then, you have this warped idea that in order to protect him (really, your interests) you have to constantly evaluate the people around him including the unmasked musicians - especially Per who has known him the longest, worked with him the longest, and who has been in the scene just as long as he has if not more. They’ve known each other since before Ghost. But you can’t accept that for whatever reason.

You are not obligated to follow the careers of the unmasked musicians. You’re not obligated to like or support them, but then why are you watching videos of them talking? If Per is “boring” to you, then why are you watching him? To come to this conclusion that he must be neurotypical because you personally find him “boring and weird” promotes a supremacist attitude in the neurodivergent community that just divides people into the good, “relatable” neurodivergent people and the bad, “weird” neurodivergent people and/or “neurotypicals” who might have their own private struggles. In that sense, “neurotypical” becomes an insult towards people who may not be neurotypical at all. You just want them to be so you can feel more comfortable with your internalized ableism.

Perceiving people as different from you and therefore “bad,” doesn’t become more acceptable just because you’re neurodivergent. This way of thinking actively harms people who are different. It’s also clear that these same people in this fandom are unwilling to learn the most basic things about the unmasked musicians before passing judgement on them. This is by far not the first time people have made wildly uneducated assumptions about Per, but this particular instance really bothers me because Per has been open in many ways about his own mental health and behaviors. He’s not the most open book, but he does have a well documented career and he’s talked enough about his own experiences that anyone paying attention can see he has his own struggles.

In his recent lives alone, he’s talked about having “tics” specifically scratching himself when he’s nervous which he does a lot (so neurotypical, right? - I’m obsessive compulsive, and I have tics. You know what’s happened to me anytime I’ve openly displayed my tics? People have told me to stop. Stop because it’s “weird” or annoying. That includes doctors telling me I just need to stop.) Additionally, he’s talked about having difficulty concentrating and not doing the best in school. Finally, Per has openly struggled both physically and mentally with drinking and anxiety and depression. Whether or not he explicitly talks about them, Per has had both physical and mental health problems and that is not a moral failing on his part.

Ultimately, you don’t know him! You don’t have to like him. You can think he’s boring - weird even. That doesn’t mean your evaluation of him is correct. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to belittle his experiences because they don’t match your own. If you don’t like something he said or did, then address that. This is not that. This is just ableism hiding behind neurodivergence, and it’s something that has prevented me from being seen because I’m not fun and quirky either. I’m not nice. I have less than desirable behaviors, including scratching and picking my skin and needing to be alone and shutting down. So even if Per never sees your comments nor cares about them, the people in this fandom around you have to and it really feels like shit.

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 35: Answers

You leave Jackson to find your daughters. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-34 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 5.4k

A/N: We are into the final arc of Yearling and we are going to see some TLOU 2 OVERLAP again. There isn't any this chapter but there will be in this arc and here's how: a character from that game will be mentioned as will the spoiler-y incident from a few chapters ago. What happens plot wise in this arc is completely separate from the game and entirely original content BUT there is that character overlap and more specific mentions of the incident and the motives behind it. If you're trying to go in blind to season 2, it might be wise to step back. Feel free to send me a DM, I'm happy to answer any and all questions!

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It was hard not to panic when the world was ending. 

You’d lived through it enough by now, you thought you’d get used to it. 

You never did. 

“Who has them, Kyle?” You asked, holding the boy’s shoulders, searching his eyes. He was still panting for breath, still looking terrified. “I need you to focus, who has them.” 

“That man, the one who was here a few months ago but left,” he said. “I can’t… He gave me so much to remember and I can’t…” 

“Cody?” You asked quickly, even though you knew you were right, your chest tight. “Does that sound right?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded quickly. “Yes, Cody, it was Cody, he has them. He sent me here, to find you. He told me to bring you and just you back, said if we came with anyone else he’d kill them. I’m so sorry, Mrs. Miller, I was just trying to help, I swear…” 

Your head spun but you didn’t have time to try to calm yourself down or even come up with a fucking plan. 

“Did he say why?” You asked, leaving the teenager hovering in your doorway as you went to your kitchen. You found a notebook and ripped a piece of paper out of it, the pen hovering over it for a moment. Like once you wrote what was going to happen there was no turning back. 

“He said you owed him,” he said. “And he that he would collect with them if it wasn’t with you. He said you’d know what that meant.” 

You held the pen a little tighter. You did know what he meant and you knew the kind of man Cody was, what he would take if you let him. 

You couldn’t let him. 

“Kyle, go in the closet by the front door,” you said, wondering how your voice wasn’t shaking. “There’s my patrol pack in there, it has my flashlight, my axe and my knife. Get them.” 

It wasn’t going to be enough but you didn’t have guns in the house and getting one would require talking to someone else, something you couldn’t risk, not when it was Savvy and Ellie on the line. You’d have to make do.

You tried to think of what to say to Joel, the man you loved more than you ever thought it was possible to love someone like that. How did you say goodbye to someone who meant that much to you when you didn’t want to leave? 

You did the best you could, signing your name - your real one - for the first time since you’d married Joel. 

“Found them,” Kyle said as you folded the paper in half and wrote Joel’s name on one side of it, leaving the note leaning against the flowers that he had picked for you before leaving town. You looked around the kitchen, at the spot on the counter where you perched as your husband cooked for you and the table where you sat with him and took a deep breath, hoping you’d see it all again. 

“You know where to go, right?” You asked. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I memorized it.” 

“OK,” you said, clipping your knife to your belt, thankful that you’d just fallen asleep fully clothed so you didn’t have to stop to get dressed. You were in one of Joel’s shirts. You always were, when he was outside Jackson, when he promised to come home to you. “Lead the way.” 

You followed Kyle through the dark, quiet town. Even the Tipsy Bison was silent and you realized you weren’t sure what time it was but it had to be late, at least 3 a.m. 

“We’ll have to sneak out,” Kyle said, his voice low. “It’s what we did when…” 

You couldn’t think about it. 

“Show me.” 

There was an area of the fence, covered by a woodpile and not far from the schoolhouse, that easily pried apart, leaving enough room for a person to slip outside. 

Kyle climbed through first and held it for you to follow before the two of you scrambled for the nearest tree line, hoping that you made it out of town unnoticed. 

“How far?” You asked, looking back over your shoulder, your heart pounding. 

“Three hours, I think,” he said. “I’m so sorry Mrs. Miller…” 

“Tell me all of it,” you said, ignoring his apology. It didn’t matter now. “I need to know what we’re walking into.” 

It made so much sense when he laid it out for you. 

Savvy and Ellie had snuck out of Jackson the first night Joel was gone, the friends they were hanging out with apparently slipping out regularly. They stashed some pot outside the walls and liked to go sit and smoke when they thought they wouldn’t get into trouble, where they felt like they had some freedom. It was so typical of teenagers, it was almost funny. That even in the apocalypse, in a place like Jackson, the children found ways to rebel. Kyle and Savvy had wandered off from the group. They didn’t go far, just far enough that they felt like they had some privacy. Kyle wanted to ask her to the dance that was happening in a few weeks. 

That’s where they ran into Cody. 

He’d been nice, at first. Asking after Jackson, how things had been there. How he was thinking about trying to come back. He asked for information, enough that Savvy was starting to feel skeptical. 

And then Ellie found them. 

Ellie was worried, thinking that Savvy had been off on her own with a boy a little too long, and set off to find them. But she’d snapped when she saw Cody. She was a smart girl, she didn’t leave Jackson unarmed and she put her knife to Cody’s throat. 

He’d just smiled, something in his eyes that made Kyle uneasy, more uneasy than Ellie’s knife did. 

“Should fucking kill you right now,” Ellie had said, getting in his face. “Joel never should have let you live, I don’t give a fuck what she says…” 

“Ellie!” Savvy tried to go for her but Kyle stopped her, catching her around her waist and holding her back. “You can’t just kill him, he hasn’t done anything!” 

“Should listen to your sister, little girl,” Cody smirked. “I don’t come back, there’s a whole new set of problems for that perfect little town of yours.” 

“Fuck you,” Ellie spat. 

“You that serious?” He asked. “Come and get me. Tomorrow night. Bring your mom.” He’d looked at Savvy in a way that made Kyle feel sick. “And get your sister on board. Something tells me she might not know the real reason I left Jackson.” 

Cody walked away then, Ellie’s grip still tight on the knife for a minute before she put an arm around Savvy and stalked back off toward town. Kyle couldn’t hear what they were saying. 

When they made it back as dawn was on the horizon, he still wasn’t sure what set Ellie off. He wasn’t sure when Ellie and Savvy came to him the next afternoon, either, to ask him to go with them to find Cody that night. 

“I want to have the upper hand,” Ellie had said. “And you already know about him.” 

Savvy looked different then, something set and angry on her face. Kyle tried to ask her what was wrong but she wouldn’t tell him. He just went along with their plan, Ellie and Savvy out for Cody’s blood and Kyle wanting to keep the girl he was starting to fall for safe. 

But they made a mistake. 

They were outnumbered from the start, Cody bringing a dozen men to capture them. Ellie killed one as Kyle tried to run with Savvy but they failed. 

“Thought I told you to bring your mom,” Cody had said. “But that’s OK. Sure we can work something out.” 

He hauled the three of them away, walking a few hours into the forest, before sending Kyle back to Jackson to get you.

It explained so much of what had happened over the last day. The cagey way Ellie and Savvy were talking in the mess hall, the way Savvy had hugged you - Ellie had to have told her something - like she hadn’t in months, the odd way they were acting when you checked on them that night. 

“How many men were there?” You asked. 

“A lot,” Kyle said. “I don’t know for sure. At least 12 to grab us, we met up with probably another dozen or so after that…” 

“Right,” you said, your heart clenching. You weren’t making it out of this. You tried to resign yourself to that, that the best you could hope for right now was getting the kids out in one piece. “Did he say what he wanted?” 

“Besides you?” Kyle asked. “No. I’m sorry, Mrs. Miller…” 

“It’s OK,” you said, trying to keep him calm. “You did your best, you stayed alive, that’s the important thing.” 

The two of you walked in silence for a while, your heart pounding the whole time. You focused on getting to the girls. That’s all that mattered. You tried not to think about what was waiting for you on the other side of it. 

“When we find them, let me do the talking,” you said as the sunrise tinted the horizon red. “And stay behind me. If you see a chance to get Savvy or Ellie away, do it. Otherwise, do what I tell you.” 

“Yes ma’am,” he said, a tremble in his voice. “I’m really sorry, Mrs. Miller, I didn’t mean…” 

“I know,” you said quietly. “Just get them home.” 

You caught a glimpse of someone moving in the woods then, just on the edge of your vision, your head whipping around to track the motion on instinct. It was baked into you still, moving through the forest alone, being on guard, knowing when you were being watched. You’d survived most of your life that way and years in Jackson hadn’t pulled it out of you. The second you realized it was a man and not an animal, you adjusted your grip on your axe with one hand and reached behind you with the other, shifting your body so you were between Kyle and the man. 

It took you half a second to place his familiar face, one of Mitchum’s henchmen who was low enough that he wasn’t allowed to touch you, a slow smirk spreading over his face. 

“Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he emerged from a fern and gave a long, low whistle. “Mitchum’s been lookin’ for you.” 

“Bet he’s been lookin’ for you, too,” your hold on the axe tightened. You wanted to kill him but you couldn’t, not when you didn’t know where Ellie and Savvy were. “Unless you’re still his little bitch. But I don’t think he took too kindly to you taking off on him to serve some other asshole.” 

“You always did have a mouth on you,” he said, trees and brush at your back starting to rustle. “But look where that got you.” 

“And you were up his ass for how long?” You asked. “Where’d that get you, exactly?” 

His eyes narrowed and you tracked where you were hearing movement around you, the sound drawing closer. Kyle’s shaky hand grabbed at your bicep. 

“Don’t think the boss would be too happy with you picking a fight with our biggest commodity,” a man said from behind you. Kyle gasped and you felt him jump but you kept your  eyes on the first man. “You know what he wants with her.” 

“And what’s that, exactly?” You called over your shoulder, still tracking where Kyle was with your unoccupied hand. 

“Leverage, of course,” the man came around to the front of you, smirking just like his friend. You didn’t recognize him. “Mitchum has the biggest operation around these parts and you, it seems, are the only thing he wants that he doesn’t have. Give him you on a silver platter? We get first pick of new territory.” 

He looked you up and down in a way that reminded you of inspecting livestock. Your stomach turned.

“Don’t really see what all the fuss is about but,” he shrugged. “Don’t really give a shit.” 

“You got my girls?” You asked, cutting to the chase. 

His smile grew. 

“So the boss was right,” he shook his head a little. “You women, so predictable…” 

“If they’re not in one piece, I got no reason to leave you two idiots alive,” you snapped, losing your patience. You needed to see your daughters and you needed to see them now. “So if you don’t want my axe in your goddamn chest, you’re gonna take me to them right fucking now.” 

He licked his lips. 

“Might get the fuss a little more now,” he said, stepping close to you. He knew he had you, knew that you wouldn’t do anything that would risk Savvy or Ellie. “Gonna need that axe and knife and anything else you got on you or the boy. Then we’ll see if we can’t find your girls.” 

You narrowed your eyes but surrendered your weapons anyway. 

“Mrs. Miller…” Kyle whispered but you shushed him. 

“I’ll keep you safe,” you glanced behind you toward him. “Stay calm and do what they tell you.” 

You turned your attention back to the men in front of you, more emerging from the trees now. 

“If you’ve hurt either of them, you have no idea the shit storm you just brought down on your heads.” 

“Not much of a threat without your little toys,” he looked them over. “Something tells me we can take you just fine unarmed.” 

“Cody tell you what I did to the men who tried to catch me last time I got out?” You asked, brows raised. For half a moment, there was a flash of concern on the first man’s face. You nodded to him. “He knows. Take me to my girls before you find out first hand.” 

The second man quirked his jaw before jerking his head in the direction you’d been walking. 

“Keep up.” 

You only needed to follow them another 15 minutes or so, your heart pounding the whole time. Eventually, you came upon a clearing, a fire dying at the center of it with Cody standing right behind it, watching you approach with a satisfied smirk on his face. 

“Hey there baby doll,” he said, prowling around the fire to meet you. “You don’t look too happy to see me.” 

“Where are my daughters.” 

He ignored you, like you hadn’t spoken at all. 

“You’d think that, after last time, you’d learn…” 

“Where are my daughters.” 

“…that you should at least pretend to be grateful when you see me…” 

Your patience was gone. If he didn’t have Ellie and Savvy, there was no point to this. No point to his game, no point to trying to make it out alive. You needed to see them and you needed to see them now. 

The man at your left had a handgun in a holster on his right, one he wasn’t paying close attention to, his hands on his rifle that was strapped across his body. You, on the other hand, had paid attention. 

You went for the gun, moving fast enough that he didn’t know what was happening until he felt the tug of you pulling the weapon from his side, turning to face you with a frown on his face after you freed the revolver, pulling the hammer back as you raised it and pulled the trigger. He dropped, Kyle screaming in shock at your back, and you turned the gun on Cody, pulling the hammer back again. 

“WHERE ARE MY FUCKING KIDS!” 

You could feel every gun and eye turn to you as you fought to control your breathing, the sound of birds taking flight the only sound beyond the echo of the gunshot and your scream. But you knew they wouldn’t shoot you, not when you were apparently so valuable to their boss and their boss was still breathing. And if they were smart, the wouldn’t hurt Savvy or Ellie, either.

“You know you wouldn’t make it out of here alive,” Cody said, stepping closer, until the barrel of the gun was in his chest. 

“You think that matters if they’re gone?” You asked, brows raised. “If you killed them, all that matters is that I kill as many of you as I can before you take me down and I’m a damn good shot. So. Give me my daughters or another one of these fuckers dies.” 

He gave you a cocky smirk and whistled. There was rustling somewhere you couldn’t see but, after a moment, three men brought out Savvy and Ellie, bound and gagged. You clenched your jaw but stayed still, eyes ranging over them as quickly as you could, looking for all signs of injury. They were still dressed, a good sign. Ellie had a cut at her forehead, Savvy had a bloody bandage at her arm. You clenched your fist on the revolver. 

“See?” Cody said. “All in one piece. Now, hand over the gun before we have to change that.” 

Ellie’s eyes went wide and she shook her head at you, frantic, but you ignored her.

“Untie them,” you said, gun still in his chest. 

“Gonna need a little more incentive than that,” he said. “I know how you are with people who do you favors…” 

“Untie them,” you said again, pulling your eyes away from the girls to meet his. “Let me talk to them, make sure they’re OK, then let them go with their friend. And I mean let them go, your men stay where I can fuckin’ see ‘em. You do that? I’ll do whatever you want.” 

“Whatever I want?” He asked, looking you up and down. 

Your stomach turned. 

“You heard me,” you spat. 

He mulled it over for a second before smiling, cocky. 

“Deal,” he said, jerking his head toward one of his men. They moved to untie Savvy and Ellie. “I’ll take that gun now.” 

You lowered the weapon and turned it around in your hand before holding it out to him, handle first. He took it. 

“Good as you are, don’t know if I ever thought your pussy was worth all the fuss Mitchum made over you,” he said, handing the gun to one of his henchmen. “But damn if it ain’t fun to watch you break.” 

“Mom!” Savvy was freed first, running for you and throwing her arms around your neck. You clutched onto her, clinging to her, breathing in the scent of her, floral with a hint of apple and hay and gunpowder. “I’m so sorry, Mom, I’m so sorry…” 

“It’s OK,” your voice was thick and you tried to focus on how she felt in your arms so you could hold onto that memory before stepping back from her. “Are you OK? They touch you?” 

“I’m fine,” she sniffed. “They got my arm a little but…” 

“They haven’t touched you since you’ve been here?” You asked, brows raised. “No one’s hurt you or…” 

“No,” she shook her head. “No, they tied us up but they haven’t done anything.” 

“Good,” you nodded, brushing her thick curls back from her forehead. “That’s good.” 

Ellie approached you cautiously, like she was waiting for you to yell at her but you didn’t. You didn’t even want to, there was no point to it. Instead, you pulled her into your arms and held her tight as she pressed her face into your shoulder. You tried to remember her, too, the daughter who came into your life so late and that you desperately wanted more time with. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, voice thick and wet. “I thought I could handle it, I thought…” 

“S’OK,” you said, stepping back from her and looking her over, too. Her lip was split and the blood at her forehead was dried, the cut there scabbing over. “Ellie, I need you to listen to me. You’re in charge, OK? You’re going to get Savvy and Kyle back to Jackson…” 

“But -”

“No,” you said, harsher than you really meant. “This ain’t a discussion, this is me telling you what you’re going to do, do you understand me.” 

“I can’t just leave you here!” Her eyes were wide and desperate and you forced yourself to be calm. 

“Yes, you can,” you said, taking her by the shoulders. “Ellie, the most important thing you can do right now is take care of your sister, do you understand me?” She nodded. “You get her and Kyle back to town. You’ve patrolled, you know how to do it safely. Get them there. That’s your job, they are your responsibility. Promise me you’ll get them home.” 

She looked like she wanted to argue but you held her tighter. 

“Ellie,” you said. “Promise me.” 

“But…” 

“Promise me!” You yelled it, loud enough that you saw Savvy flinch out of the corner of your eye. 

“I promise,” she said, crying now. 

It was like a weight lifted. You knew it was hours back to Jackson but, if Ellie actually kept her word, they’d make it. They would be safe. That was all that mattered. 

“Thank you,” you pulled her in for another hug, kissing her cheek as you did. “I love you so much. Take care of yourself and your dad for me, OK?” 

“I love you too,” she breathed. 

You gave her a final squeeze and went for Savvy who was fighting back tears. 

“Mom,” her voice was thick and wet. “I can’t…” 

“Yes, you can,” you said gently. “Go with Ellie, do what she tells you and you’ll get back safe. Listen to Joel, stick with school, find your place in Jackson. Have a good life, OK?” 

She shook her head. 

“I don’t want to do it without you,” she’d given up on not crying now. “I tried to before and I don’t want that, you need to be there, Mom, I need you, I…” 

“Savvy,” you said, holding her face in your hands, brushing her tear-streaked cheeks with your thumbs. “Everything I’ve done for as long as you’ve been mine has been for you but you don’t need me now. You’re all that matters. You get back safe, you have a good life with people you love. You do that and I’ll have done everything I needed to do. So give me that, OK?” 

You didn’t give her a chance to reply, just pulling her in close and holding her there, kissing her cheek as you did. 

“I love you so much, baby girl,” you whispered. 

“I love you, too,” she said. 

You stepped back and looked at them for a moment before casting a glance at Cody. 

“They need weapons.” 

“That wasn’t part of the deal.” 

You rounded on him. 

“Give them weapons,” you said through clenched teeth. “Or I’ll kill as many of your men as I can between here and Mitchum.” 

He smirked a little before jerking his head in the direction of one of his men. They surrendered knives you recognized - ones you were sure Ellie and Savvy had come here with - and your axe. 

“Better get going,” Cody said. “Before I change my mind.” 

You just nodded and watched them go, Ellie and Savvy looking back at you as long as they could, Ellie pulling Savvy along side her as they went. You kept looking at the place where they’d been long after you couldn’t see them anymore. 

“Alright Doll,” Cody said eventually, stepping forward with cuffs in his hands. “Wrists together. Not about to risk you changing your mind on that deal. You’re a little too valuable and it’s time for me to cash in.” 

***

“Joel.”

Tommy sounded desperate. Joel ignored him. 

“You can’t just take off…” 

Tommy’s hand came to Joel’s shoulder but he ripped it off, rounding on his brother, moving quickly and decisively and backing the younger, smaller man into a building. 

“You tryin’ to tell me I can’t protect my family?” Joel towered over him. “You gonna try and stop me?” 

“Can’t do shit for them if you run out there hot headed,” Tommy said, his eyes darting over Joel’s face, like he was watching a wild animal. “You can’t help them if you’re dead, you need to wait, you need a plan…” 

“I have a fuckin’ plan!” He didn’t have time for this. “Get my girls back. Don’t try to fuckin’ stop me.” 

“Joel,” Maria’s voice was behind him, calm and collected. He turned to face her, ready to go through her, too, if he had to. “We have everyone out looking for them, there are no fresh horses because we sent everyone we had as soon as we could. We’re looking for their trail but they could be anywhere. Wait until we have people back to go with you, wait until we know where they went. If you run off now, you’re only going to make it worse. You’ll waste time. Give it a few hours, Joel.” 

“A few hours?” He bit out. “You want me to sit here for a few fuckin’ hours while that monster has my wife and kids? Expect me to let him hurt them for hours while I fuckin’ wait?” 

Maria didn’t have a chance to respond, the sound of chaos at the gate sending the three of them running for it. 

Joel reached it just as three horses rode up. It took him a moment to realize they each carried more than one rider. His heart pounded. For one second - a glorious, peaceful second - he thought everything was going to be OK. That they’d found you and the girls before anything bad happened, that he was going to be able to hold the three of you close and never let you go again. 

And then he realized that you weren’t there. That you’d gotten the children you shared with him back but you hadn’t made it. 

“Joel!” Ellie jumped off her horse before it had fully stopped. “Joel, he has Bambi, we have to go get her, we have to.” 

She threw her arms around his neck and clung to him and he could feel her taking shaky breaths. 

“It’s OK Baby Girl,” he said, holding her close. “I’ve got you, you’re OK.” 

“We have to go get her,” Ellie said again, frantic as she pulled back from him. “We have to.” 

Joel, Tommy and Maria led the girls and a trembling Kyle to the clinic. Ellie and Savvy didn’t wait for the doctor to be done looking them over as they sat beside each other on the exam table, the story spilling out of them quickly. How they’d lied to you and snuck out of Jackson the first night he was gone. How they’d run into Cody in the woods. How Ellie threatened to kill him and Savvy didn’t understand why. How he told them to come back the next night with you. How Ellie had told Savvy everything she knew about what happened to you. How Savvy wanted to leave then and there to take care of it and Ellie had to make her wait, confident that they could handle him. How Ellie had killed men like him before, how she was sure she could do it again. How they got help from Kyle to be sure. How it had all gone to shit the second they were too far from Jackson to get help. How you’d come for them, how you’d sacrificed yourself to get the three of them out safely. 

How Joel knew that’s exactly what you would do. 

Because of course you would. It was exactly what he would have done. How would you have done anything else? 

“We need to get her back, Joel,” Savvy was crying, pleading. “We can’t leave her there with him, we can’t, please…” 

Joel looked between the two of them. He wanted to scream. He wanted to ask why. Why had they snuck out? Why had they tried to take matters into their own hands? Why had they put themselves in such danger? Didn’t they know, if they failed, you’d have no choice? That you would do anything for them? That he would, too? 

But yelling and questioning wouldn’t do any good. What was done was done. Taking his fear out on them would only make shit worse.

“I’m gonna get her back, Baby Girl,” Joel said. “I’m gonna bring her home.” 

He turned and gave Tommy a look, half begging for help, half daring him to stop him. Tommy just squared his jaw and gave him a single, firm nod. Joe returned it and the went to leave, but Ellie stopped them, catching them on the porch of the clinic. 

“I’m coming, too.” 

“No,” Joel shook his head. “No, you’re stayin’ here…” 

“No,” she said sharply, a fierce look in her eyes. “I’m going. I can help, I know…” 

“It don’t matter,” Joel cut her off. “Not putting you at risk…” 

“I don’t care about the risk!” She snapped. “You can’t just expect me to sit here on my ass while she’s out there…”

“You think she’d want you gettin’ hurt for her?” Joel grabbed Ellie by the shoulders and held her tighter than he should. “She took care of you by…” 

“By cleaning up a fucking mess I made!” She yelled before closing her eyes for a moment, a single tear slipping down her cheek. She took a deep, centering breath before opening her eyes again, voice calmer now. “I never had parents, Joel. I never had anyone who loved me like that until you and then she showed up and she didn’t have any fucking reason to care about me like that but she did. She’s my mom and I got her hurt because I tried to handle shit on my own. I’m not handling it on my own now, I’m handling it with you. I know what you’re capable of. I know what you’re going to do. I’m telling you that I don’t want to be here when you do it, I want to be with you. I want to get her back and I want to make him fucking pay and I can’t do that from Jackson. So are you going to let me come with you or are you going to make me sneak out and try to handle this shit on my own again?” 

Joel looked to his brother. He’d done shit like this more times than he cared to count but only twice with stakes as high as this. Every time, it was either alone or with Tommy at his side. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do what he normally did with Ellie there. He’d be worrying about her, watching for her, protecting her. 

But they were out numbered and Ellie was a strong rider who was smart and good with a gun. 

“She’s an adult, Joel,” Tommy said hesitantly. Joel could see in his eyes that he was thinking about William, if he would let his son do something so reckless if he had any say. “And she does a good job on patrol.” 

Joel took a deep breath. 

“You gotta listen,” he said. Ellie was already nodding quickly. “Do what I say so I can keep us all safe. I tell you to get back to Jackson, you do it. If you’re a liability out there, you’re makin’ things worse for her, not better. Got it?” 

“Yes.” 

“Repeat it.” 

“What you say goes,” she said, watching him closely. “I won’t fuck up, Dad. I promise.” 

In another time, another place, Joel’s heart would have soared in that moment. Just knowing that Ellie saw him the same way he saw her made him feel complete in a way he didn’t realize he was missing. 

But he wasn’t able to enjoy it. There was another vital piece of him that was gone, one he was going to get back if it was the last thing he ever did. 

“OK,” he said, looking at Ellie. “Let’s go get your mom.” 

Next Chapter

A/N: Figured we'd kick off the more feral part of this fic with some Feral!Bambi. Don't worry, Feral!Joel fans, he's up next ❤️ As always, thank you so so much for reading and for sticking it out with this fic! I know it's been a long one. I'm glad you're still here. Love you!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg

[bugs1nmybrain]

Mall Slut ~ Shigaraki x Reader

Summary: Shigaraki and the reader go to the dispensary in the mall, get stoned, and get really horny. So they fuck.

Author's Notes: I've been contemplating writing this fic for a while. It's a silly concept to me, and I wish I could live this fantasy irl to be honest. The reader has specific physical and personality characteristics, they're meant to resemble me

Traits About the Reader: she/her pronouns, fem presenting and an afab body, alternative aesthetic, big ass, short

Warnings: NSFW (18+ MDNI), fem reader, drug use (marijuana), Tomura is a bad influence, sex while stoned, bathroom sex, spanking, exhibitionism, Shigaraki has blue hair, brat taming, wrote this while stoned, POV swings, Shigaraki calls the reader a slut, squirting, daddy kink, reader is resistant to Tomura's quirk

Going to the mall was one of Tomura's most frequent pastimes, when he wasn't too busy being pissed off at hero society. Sometimes, he'd simply let himself throw a hoodie on so no one would recognize him, and get out a bit. Maybe check out some game stores, maybe a hot topic if he was feeling desperate for merch. However, one spot in the mall was his favorite, for reasons. And no, it wasn't Spencers.

"You'd be surprised by the deals they have here," Tomura commented as you both strolled your way down the crowded mall. You dodged some idiots who didn't look where they were walking, almost bumping into you. Tomura's face lit up with evident annoyance, but you simply tugged on his arm and kept walking.

The effect you had on him was criminal, he'd say. How such an abrasive, pessimistic, and irritable man could be railed in by one cute little alt girl with a fat ass.

Seriously, you always had to wear the sluttiest skirts that showed off your thighs and hips. Very unfair in his opinion.

You two had finally reached the dispensary, by the name of "Garden Aromas." Good weed store name. You two entered in to see a few people roaming around, looking at products. There was a decent line forming.

"I'm thinking carts," Tomura says, leading both of you straight to the vape section.

"You have that kind of money?" you asked, knowing how expensive that shit is.

"It's fine. I got lent some cash from Kurogiri and I also found a wallet on the ground the other day. I've got money."

"What kind, then?"

"You choose."

You eyeballed the selection of strains. You were at the mall, so nothing to make you sleepy. Or too cognitively impaired. You could very well ask the budtender what he'd recommend, but you hated talking to strangers.

"Me?"

"Who the fuck else would I be talking to?"

"Mimosa."

"Pick one more, between you and I that will be gone in less than a day."

"Fuck..uh..strawberry cough."

"Aight."

Tomura and you waited in line for a bit before coming up to the counter. You told the seller what strains you wanted so he could grab them from their locked casing. You brought out your medicinal card (Tomura didn't have one) and kaching.

The carts went into a special bag and handed over to you, but Tomura took the bag from your hands as soon as it ended up in them. As you two exited the store, Tomura went roaming around in his black backpack that he brought, quickly pulling out the battery to a dab pen. He takes one of the carts from it's packaging and attaches it to the battery before taking a brief hit from it.

"Uh..we're out here," you comment, nerved by the fact that someone could see Tomura hitting the pen out in the open, not bothering to censor himself.

"It's fine. No one will care, as long as it's not in front of one of those mall cops. Most people would probably think it's nicotine, anyways."

"I guess you have a point."

"Of course I do. Here."

Tomura shoved the pen in your hand. You two were currently at a fountain. You took a hit from the pen, not really thinking about how much you were inhaling. As soon as you exhaled, you coughed up a storm, and if you two weren't standing out before, you surely were now.

"Haha!" Tomura cackles. He always got a kick out of your amateur lungs. "People are gonna think you're sick. We should find a better spot."

"y.." you were starting to feel it coming. "yea."

"Come on. I know where to go."

"Okee."

You were sooo stoned. Just from that one dreadful hit. You tried to wrap your head around your surroundings as Tomura pulled you around the mall. Not only were you stoned, but you were also pretty short. If you'd let him he'd probably keep you on a damn leash all the time; you were simply too easy to lose.

"Where are we going, Tomura?"

"Here."

You hadn't been paying much attention to the direction you were walking. Tomura stopped in front of the restrooms and was now dragging you to the men's bathroom. It didn't smell the best. Tomura stopped a little bit before the entrance and glanced in to see if there was anyone in.

"We're good. Come on."

There weren't many stalls in this bathroom, only two and then many urinals. Tomura placed his hand on your back and guided you to the farthest stall, locking the door behind him. It was a big stall, thankfully. Tomura took out the pen once more and clicked on the button to activate it. He pulled for a long time. When he finally stopped, he held the vape in his lungs for a couple seconds before exhaling.

"This hits nice. I've always considered it relaxing," he says, twirling the pen in his hands as he simply stared at it, and continued to talk to you. "How are you feeling? Are you fucked up?"

"I'm stoned, yea."

"Anything more special than that?"

"I mean. You look cute right now. Like cuter than usual. I don't know if it's because I'm stoned but..you're cute."

He stood there in awe, not expecting that response. You didn't either, it just came out. It was true though, as you allowed yourself to look at Tomura's face, or at least what you could see with his hoodie on, you became reminded of how much you adore him. His shaggy blue hair, blood-red eyes, and dry skin all were traits about him you found especially alluring. Some people wouldn't understand the dry skin part, but it was a staple of Tomura's. You couldn't really imagine him with smooth skin. It wasn't a bother, he looked like him, which was perfect for you.

"You're definitely high," Tomura shrugs, slumping back on the door. "You need to get your eyes checked."

"Nuh-uh. You're cute."

"You're a liar, then."

"I'm being for real," you reached out and without thought, wrapped your arms around Tomura and rested your head comfortably underneath his chin. "You're snuggly, too."

"You and I clearly are not smoking the same shit."

"It's vape."

"Shut up."

He put up this fight and displayed himself as if he was annoyed, but he never pushed you away or tensed up as if he was uncomfortable. In fact, the embrace soothed him in a way. It almost pissed him off, knowing how much of a damaged and deranged person he is, and knowing that at the end of the day, you still give him the warmest hugs and call him silly.

"You know..your boobs are pushing against me."

"Eheheh...should I move away?"

"Rnn...no, I guess not."

With that response, you held him even tighter, nuzzling your face at his neck.

He smelt nice. Well, maybe not "nice." Tomura wasn't the freshest guy. He wasn't utterly disgusting, and he didn't smell intolerable, just a little funky. It was a natural musk that calmed you, because the smell was his alone, and comforted you.

His smell was making you feel...clingy. Not to mention his form pressing against you. Tomura's temperature was confusing. To the touch, he's often chilly. However, when you're caught in each other's embrace he seems like a furnace.

"Y/N.."

"What?"

"I have a semi."

You backed up a little and looked down at his crotch. Surely, there was a bit of a bulge. He always wore slim-fit pants so it wasn't hard (ha) to tell when he had a boner. Without consideration about your location, you instinctively went to fumble his bulge through his pants, giving you a startled response from Tomura.

"Hey, if you start that, you know how it'll end."

"I know."

You could swear you felt Tomura's bulge move a little when you said that. You being a little brat never failed to ignite something in him.

"Is that right?" Shiggy flirted. "Then are you gonna be a good girl about it?"

Your face was already flushed from the weed, but now it was even worse. You nodded with a whimper. Tomura watched as you pulled down his boxers, his dick wobbling out afterwards.

Eagerly, you gripped his cock and stroked it in pace, triggering a satisfied grunt from Tomura. You were such a perfect slut for him. He thought to himself that you were doing this on purpose. Touching him in the bathroom like this. Did you want to get fucked in a public bathroom? For people to hear as he made you weak? Heh...

He was going to test this hypothesis.

Shigaraki reached out to stroke your hair a little, tucking your strands behind your ears. His eyes remained lidded, looking at you with lust. He wanted to take you right now, but he wanted to make you all cute and horny for him first. He knew how to get you that way, too.

"Care to give me a show?"

"Hm?"

"Don't hm me. Let me see how pretty you are without that shirt on, hm?"

You blushed and darted your eyes down to his cock to avoid looking at him in the eyes. He giggles at your adorable, shy demeanor. After snickering at his needy request, you tug your shirt over your head clumsily, revealing your black push-up.

"That's coming off too, I hope?"

"Where are your manners?"

"Pllleeeeeeaaaaassseeee?"

And down came your bra. And weren't you a sight for sore eyes? Not only did Tomura adore your tits, you were also accompanied by a pretty black shirt. Easy access. He slid his hands in between your thighs, grazing your panties with his fingers.

"You're wet, hehe..." sometimes when you smoked you got soaked much quicker and easier. It probably had something to do with the sensory processing that came with being high, but it worked in Tomura's favor.

"Mmm.."

How cute. Already whimpering for him and he hasn't done anything to you. You kept stroking Tomura's cock as you had been while he took your face in his hands and kissed you with hunger. It caused you to let go of his cock and lean closer into his embrace, pulling at his sweatshirt while you kissed. Tomura was a bit disappointed at the absence of your hand but distracted himself by reaching behind to grab your ass.

He moved his hands to your waist and held you firmly. He then proceeded to readjust the both of you, so that you were facing away from him. He made sure to let you lean against a wall for support. Tomura flicked your pretty skirt up to reveal your even prettier panties. Soft and lacey and colored black.

Too bad that your pussy was even prettier because your panties didn't remain on for much longer. Tomura pulled them off your ass, watching them drop to your ankles. He touched your pussy, stroking from your clit to your pussy lips. You were drenched, even just the slightest touch, and his fingers ended up sticky. He plunged two fingers into your core and rubbed your g spot perfectly.

"HmMM!!"

"Shhh...be a good slut and keep your voice down."

"Mhmm.."

Shiggy pulls his fingers out and goes back to your clit, rubbing it in swift motion, making you tremble for him.

"That feel good? Or are you just stoned?"

"Tomura..please...a little more."

He took a free hand and toyed with your nipple while he fingered you, burying his face in your neck from behind as he did so. His relentless stimulation drove you to a familiar feeling much quicker than you expected.

"MmMMm~!"

"Hehe...such a good little whore. I can feel your clit twitching on my fingers and everything."

"It's your fault!"

"MY fault? Who's the one walking around in these little miniskirts, pushing her tits up against me and grabbing my dick?"

His fingers got faster and more calculated and you could feel yourself beginning to cum.

"Aa-aawwh..."

"Ehehehe... good whore." Tomura kissed your neck while you came on his fingers, clit pulsing against the pads of them.

Tomura gave you a kiss on the neck as he allowed your pussy a few seconds of recovery. He began rubbing his dick along your slit soon after, eliciting a small yelp of surprise from you.

Then, you heard the sounds of someone's footsteps walking in. You tensed up a bit, worried about what their reaction would be, but your arousal caused you to gravitate your ass closer to Tomura, and he sank his cock all the way into your wet cunt.

"Ah!"

"Mmm..hehehe...shh..can't be too loud, can ya?"

Tomura began thrusting in and out of your pussy, trying to be discreet. It was hard, though, because the bathroom echoed at the slightest noise and Tomura couldn't control how his hips bucked against your ass. His feral desire felt himself become hungry at the sight of your ass jiggling as he thrusts into you. His pace becomes rougher, as he tries to recreate the image again and again.

"t-tomura.."

He doesn't say anything, but Tomura grunts again, this time adding in some heavy breaths and sighs. You looked so hot right now, and he fucking adored how you whined for him as he fucked you for any man in the mall to hear.

You heard a flush of the urinal but the person did not wash their hands from what you could tell. He could've been gross, but maybe he just wanted to get away from what you and Tomura were doing a bad job at hiding.

There (probably) wasn't anyone else in the bathroom now, so Tomura gave up all restraint on your cunt. He grips your waist and bounces you on his cock. As he watches your pretty ass do it's thing, he lands a swift smack on it.

"AH!"

"You're so hot..fuck.."

Your ass was red now, and Tomura would've almost felt bad if he wasn't such a sadist. He rubs it tenderly to soothe you, as he perceives that as his way of being "nice." It doesn't take long until he smacks it again, though, cock leaking at how you'd yelp at the attack.

"Tomura...I'm gonna.."

He didn't know what you were gonna do, but he was gonna make you scream while you did it. He plunged his cock in and out of you rapidly, angling it to rub your g-spot deeply, kissing your cervix while he did so.

"Awwh!~"

Suddenly, a small amount of clear fluid squirted out from your pussy, now leaking down from your thighs.

"Did you just piss?" Shiggy asks as if he's disgusted, but makes no effort to stop or even slow down the pace.

"I-I don't know!"

"Did my cute little girl squirt for daddy, then?"

"Rnn...mhm.." you weren't sure if he could see you nodding, but he was about to cum. You could tell by how deeper, faster, and uncoordinated his thrusts became.

"Aw..fuck I love you.."

"Mmm?"

"You know what I said.." His hips buck against your ass some more, but Tomura finally lets out a geeky groan, cumming deep inside of you. His cum seeps deep in you and as he pulls out, a little trail strings out as well.

"Hehe..."

You were panting like a dog, leaning your arms against the wall for balance. Shigaraki tucks his cock back in his boxers, and then reaches to grab the pen again. You weren't facing him, but you could see a puffy cloud form in front of your face. You turn around to see him ripping the pen and then offering it to you.

"Here's your aftercare."

"That's so romantic of you, Tomura."

"Uh-huh. Wanna go get some food?"

"Yea."

You took the pen from Tomura and took a hit yourself. The adrenaline from the sex mixed with your intoxication made you feel heavy, but Tomura's company provided you with a sense of safety. Which was funny, considering this whole mall would shut down if anyone knew he was here.

"I want ramen."

"I want a kiss."

"Damn, come here then, loser."

Tomura caves into your soft nature and leans down for short but sweet kiss. His lips were chapped, per usual, but they were still supple somehow. He was also very affectionate with his tongue.

He pulls away and opens the door, cocking his head to signal you to get out. As you both walked out you saw as someone was standing at the mirrors, typing on his phone. How long was he there? Tomura pays no bother and pulls you out of the bathroom, and you make your way to the food court.

[insomniac4000]

Change of Heart Part 2

Second and final part, enjoy!

"So what are we doing for my birthday boys?" Chris asked excitedly. George and the pair of Arthur's looked at each other with knowing glances, since this was technically Arthur Hill's idea it was decided that he was going to be the one to break the news but he wanted to do it slowly.

"Well I'm actually playing a show in London that night and I thought you know... since we're flatmates that you guys could come, I've got VIP passes for you all. Maybe we could go out for a few drinks after?" Arthur said, his voice going a little high at the end through fear of what was about to come out of his mouth next.

"Sounds great, what's the catch?" Chris joked, oh he had no idea.

"Y/N's going to be there too, it's her show..." Arthur replied and flinched as he anticipated Chris was going to hit him. Instead the curly haired boy shook his head vigorously. These were meant to be his friends, how could they plan something they knew he would hate?

"That's fine. I'll see what Theo or Will or someone is doing instead." Chris was trying to stay as calm as possible but his words did not match his body language in the slightest. It was George who was the one to try and salvage the conversation, picking up on the panicked look from Arthur.

"Look Chris, this is at the Brixton Academy, it's Arthur's biggest gig to date. This is not about choosing sides in a stupid argument it's about supporting our flatmate and our friend," the younger tiktoker reasoned. He knew Chris wasn't an arsehole even if we was acting like one and Chris would want to be there to support Arthur if he could be.

"Fine. But I'm only there for Arthur," Chris sighed admitting defeat.

Chris was now on board, the boys thought it best to not specifically mention that to you that Chris was going to be at the show. Since you walked out of that pub garden you have had nothing to do with him and the guys had told you that "we" were going to be there so you assumed that it didn't include the little hobbit. So when you saw his scowling face in Arthur's dressing room it did come as massive shock.

"Technically we didn't lie to you," Arthur Hill said to you in a desperate attempt to defend himself.

"Whatever, I have no time to argue. I have a show to do." You stated simply before walking out of the room. Everyone was surprised you didn't try to engage in some sort of an argument but no one was as surprised as Chris. The bottom line was you were a professional and you had a lot of people you didn't want to let down. Even though you liked a drink you never drunk before a show, your voice sounded better that way, a fact that had also shocked Chris when Arthur told the group after George suggested going over to you with a drink as a peace offering after you had left the dressing room.

Arthur was on first and you went to see his set, like you did with everybody you played shows with in order to show support and also because you just loved music, you were also due to sing "Iced Coffee" with him which was closer to the end of the set. While watching him you clutched your bottle of water as you stood just to the right of George, Arthur was to his left and Chris was at the end. The curly haired boy kept glancing at you, you had changed into your stage outfit, a leather body suit with long but sheer sleeves and a sheer train at the back which just about touched the floor and a pair of black knee high boots. He had to admit to himself you looked really good and he wanted to kick himself for it, who was he kidding you always looked really good.

"Sure I can't tempt you?" George asked as he offered up his drink to you. You politely shook your head and turned to him.

"The minute I get off stage I promise,"

"That's quite honourable you know. It's weird how Youtube puts you in this bizzare bubble where it's not only acceptable to drink on the job it's encouraged. If I did that as a barrister I'd have been struck off," Arthur explained.

"That's true, I probably could but I think my voice just sounds a lot better sober," you explained. Chris's eyebrows raised a little, he didn't realise how hard you worked at your job and just hoe seriously you took your music career. He had assumed music was just something you did because you felt it was cool or popular and you just wanted something else to do as opposed to Youtube but he was slowly starting to realise just how wrong he was.

Soon it was time to join Arthur on stage as the moustached man introduced you.

"Now I would like to invite a very special person on stage that I knoe you're all waiting to see. Please welcome the insanely talented Y/N!!"

Chris couldn't help you watch you intensely, your smile wide as you gave a wave to the crowd. It was obvious to anyone that you absolutely loved performing to people. While he had heard your songs in the background when the other boys played it but he hadn't really paid attention before. Arthur started the song then you sang.

"Oh, we go up to go down Kiss, chase round and round Your head in my clouds, so high We're all over the place My hands on your waist Your changing the pace just like"

Chris didn't realise before how beautiful your voice was. It had a sad almost haunting tone to it which matched the lyrics to the song perfectly.

"I hate to be the one to clear the air This ain't no casual affair Don't mean the feeling wasn't there Just means you kinda made me scared"

You couldn't help but glance Chris's way a little when you sang the last line, you were always wondering what you did to make him hate you so much. The first time you appeared on his channel you made a couple of jokes but you were only trying to fit in. As you continued singing you felt the lyrics flow through you as you felt them.

I can't keep my cool When I'm around you I can't keep my cool When I'm around you

Chris knew that he had main character syndrome a lot of the time but he somehow knew that you were singing to him.

To his surprise Chris stayed for your entire set and watched as you effortlessly moved across the stage, singing your heart out.

After the show you came off stage' hot, sweaty and tired but that was just how it always was and you loved it.

"Wow you are really good," Chris commented as you walked past, a huge smile on your face. Everyone stopped for a moment and let Chris's comment, no Chris's compliment sink in.

"Thank you," you replied giving Chris a small smile before downing the bottle of water which was always left at the side for you after a show. Since he was showing you a little bit of kindness you thought he deserved a little back.

"Right, let's celebrate shall we?" You asked to a chorus of cheers as everyone went to get ready for the night out ahead. You had changed into something a little bit more comfortable, a black skirt and a white body suit with ruched sleeves and some white platformed trainers. Chris watched you as you spoke to people, some from the show, others you had worked with previously and he was impressed you remembered people's names, the lighting, the sound guy. Had he gotten you wrong all along? As the night went on and the drinks flowed everyone couldn't help but notice you and Chris had not bickered once, he had even just offered to get you a drink which you accepted.

"Thanks," you smiled as you took the glass of rum and coke from his hands.

"You're welcome, maybe it could be a peace offering?" Chris suggested. You looked at him and studied his face, he was quite cute when he wasn't pouting, well actually you thought he was very attractive when he was pouting. He had wonderful blue green eyes that changed colour depending on the light, sure you were a smidge taller than him in those shoes but it didn't bother you, he didn't give off short man energy instead he embraced it which you quite liked.

"Sure thing. I dunno what I ever did to make you despise me so much but I'm glad we're getting along now, only if it is for tonight," you slurred in his ear before taking a sip of your drink. Chris frowned and looked down at his feet, he was now feeling incredibly guilty in that moment.

"I never said I despised you," he slurred back, leaning on the bar for support.

"Sure acted like it, look I don't want to have another argument with you. Thanks for the drink and thank you for coming to my show," you replied before you went to walk off to talk to someone else. A pull on your hand stopped you, you looked back to see Chris holding on tightly with a look on his face you hadn't seen before, determination?

"I meant what I said. I think you're really talented tonight was great," he complimented and you nodded as you felt the blush rise in your cheeks, luckily the bar was hot so you could pass off any redness to that.

"Thank you. You're the only person I know who can make football interesting," you replied with a slight giggle, giggle? What were you a school girl? Chris nodded slowly as he licked his lips a little, God that was hot you thought.

"You're really beautiful as well. Maybe we could start again?" Chris asked letting go of your hand but placing it out in front of you as if he were asking you to shake it.

"Hi I'm Chris," he said confidently as he gave you a cheeky wink. Your face broke out into a big smile as you shook his hand.

"Hi I'm Y/N," you giggled out, biting on your bottom lip as he lifted your hand up and kissed it gently. Both of you looked so intently in the other person's eyes you both failed to notice the jubilant cheers going on in the background from Chris's flatmates.

[babyangelsky]

Non is the hidden character and in this essay I will—

—endeavor to make a really good case for it.

This theory is predicated on the possibility of Non still being alive so for my purposes, I'm going to take that as fact. I'm taking a few liberties in places (to varying degrees of clownery) but that central point doesn't change.

This is a long one so get comfy. Okay? Okay.

As of episode 9, we can now be reasonably certain that none of the creepy shit the boys saw was of supernatural origin. They were hallucinations induced by the drug that New/Tan had them smoke in an attempt to get them to spill their secrets about what happened to Non.

Which brings me to Por.

We know two things about Por. One, that something—or someone—lured him out of the house and two, that he saw a ninth person on the house's CCTV.

Was the ninth person a hallucination? If he hadn't been lured out of the house, I'd say maybe. Since he was, let's assume he really did see someone for a second on the cameras.

Now, whoever it was didn't just get Por out of the house. He was specifically led down a predetermined path. When he gets outside and goes to the spot where he saw the figure, he looks down and sees a trail of blood.

He follows this trail and we all know what happens next. He gets deeper into the woods, away from the safety of the house, and starts to hear noises. He turns around, sees a hooded figure following him, and gets chased into a sharpened branch.

Even though New and Phi, although to a lesser extent, are the masterminds behind this little trip to the vacation house, at this moment they are both accounted for. New is playing jenga and getting high with Top and Fluke and Phi is up on the balcony having his dick bitten by Jin. They weren't the ones who lured Por and chased him.

Non did.

What, we're meant to believe that Por just happened to hallucinate a chase that happened to lead him right into a conveniently sharpened branch? And that of all the gin joints in all the cities in all the world, he just had to walk into mine the bad luck of encountering the one branch that was at the perfect height to impale him?

Which is, coincidentally enough, the exact death scenario that Non wrote in his script?

BE SERIOUS.

The only way Por meets this exact death is if Non was the one to kill him, and that leads me to the wire that ended up decapitating poor dead Uncle Dang. A wire which I truly don't think that was meant for him.

Let's follow this line of reasoning. We know that Top and Tee took the road when they went to get help for Por on the bike. This would ultimately fail as they got a flat tire and had to go back, having themselves a hallucination a piece along the way.

At that point, there was no wire stretched across the road. Once they got back to the house, no one would come outside again until morning when they heard Uncle Dang approach on his bike. The wire could've been strung up at any point after the boys got back.

Let's say that after ensuring Por got impaled, Non stuck around to see the aftermath and saw Tee and Top on the bike. Wouldn't it make more sense then for him to have strung up the wire to prevent anyone from leaving as opposed to stopping anyone from coming in?

Because if he is following his script then...

"But Leah," I hear you ask after having humored me thus far, "How would Non even know that the boys would be at the vacation house?"

This is where I sit back down at my vanity mirror in the dressing room at the circus and start taking some liberties.

For Non to have lived, someone had to help him. I mentioned yesterday that I was hopping on the Perth helped Non train and after giving it more thought, I'm doubling down. It's not only possible that Perth helped Non, he had to have done it, and not only because I want Non to be alive so very badly.

Why would Perth and his cheekbones be on the promotional poster for the finale (BESIDE NON I MIGHT ADD) if his character weren't important to the plot? Why would he be there if his only role was to massage Uncle Joe's shoulders?

Allow me to posit a Wild Ass Theory a la @respectthepetty :

If Perth's character helped Non and Known Criminal Keng escape Uncle Joe, that means the video where they were captured getting on a bus was authentic.

But because Uncle Joe and the mafia are still a threat, they can't just go chill somewhere. They have to go on the run and into hiding somewhere they won't be found.

Somewhere like a rarely visited vacation house in the middle of the forest with no contact with the outside world.

Or, alternatively, a creepy temple near that rarely visited vacation house.

Think about it. Non had already been to that house, he's familiar with it, he knows it's empty for long stretches of time and exactly how isolated it is. A terrified teenager fearing for his life is going to want to go somewhere familiar and that house (or the temple) is the perfect place to hide.

I don't think Non went to hide there with the intention, or the hope rather, that he'd get an opportunity for revenge one day. I think he just took advantage of a situation that fell into his lap.

The boys arrived in the afternoon and shit didn't start going down until later that night. That's plenty of time to sharpen a branch, lay down a blood trail, and put on his mask and cloak.

We know all the movie props and the camera and everything were still at the house so it stands to reason that Non had access to them. And we know he had access to the house because White found the knife that was used to cut Por's arms in the closet in the kitchen. The only way that knife could've gotten there is if Non put it there.

Not just any knife, by the way. It was Non's knife, the one that he brought to the house when they came to film and then used to cut Top.

I can't say with any certainty whether Non is acting on his own or with help, but I lean more toward him acting alone. Even if he escaped with Keng, it doesn't mean Keng is still with him all this time later and besides, I much prefer to imagine that ol' boy got eaten by a tiger.

One last thing. This isn't really part of my theory, more like support for it, but when Por is agonizing on the couch, he keeps saying sorry and trying to talk about what he and the boys did three years ago. It could just be a coincidence or deathbed guilt, but I don't think it is. I think Por knows exactly who killed him and that's why he kept apologizing and trying to confess.

In conclusion:

Hope you don't mind being tagged for the DFF round up @slayerkitty ! 🙏����

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

In Defense Of Ceroba

Even though I'm still probably the biggest Starlo apologist you've seen, I wanna talk about Ceroba today. Particularly, my initial and current thoughts on her (but also why she works as a deeply flawed and tragic character).

Anyway, here we go.

Ceroba wasn't a character I liked at first. It wasn't dislike or hatred I felt for her, but rather... not much, if anything. She simply didn't catch my attention like Starlo did, with his larger-than-life personality. Ceroba wasn't like that. She wasn't in the spotlight, she seemed calm and level-headed, sarcastic and easily annoyed with the Five's nonsense, but also kinda just.... there, in contrast to the more 'cartoonish' Starlo.

you can clearly see who the goofy one is

Heck, I was so focused on NOT wanting to get to know and understand Ceroba that I payed little to no attention to her, even in the Steamworks, which was her section as well as Axis'. I completely forgot about the talk option too, so I missed on a lot during my first playthrough. I didn't even laugh at her sarcastic comebacks (that I find funny now, as you can see in my post titled 'Ceroba's sarcasm is growing on me').

And when I found out Ceroba injected Kanako... let's just say she became my least favorite character. I didn't understand why she had done it. It seemed like a poor writing choice not to have Kanako get her paws on the serum and inject herself. Ceroba actively going against her husband's last wish and being the cause of her kid falling down left a bad taste in my mouth.

Only later did I finally put the pieces together.

Ceroba was depressed. Like, really REALLY depressed. So depressed, in fact, that she became blunt with her choice of words when it came to the Starlo situation and unaware of his troubles/the fact he was trying to help her out of the rut. Ceroba was clearly way harsher towards him than she used to be before all the tragedy struck (but said she was sorry)

Starlo describes her as compassionate and hard-working (and they've been friends for a long time, so he must know). Or at least, that was who she was before all the sadness turned her into a shell of her former self.

Now, Chujin... oh, Chujin.

Chujin meant a lot to Ceroba and that is very clear. From her blindly following his legacy even after his death, to accepting to kill Clover (someone she had grown to respect) with tears in her eyes.

If you ask me, it wasn't Ceroba's cold, sarcastic, gloomy heart that destroyed her. Quite the opposite. It was love. More specifically, her love for Chujin.

I would, without an ounce of doubt, call this fox romantic and emotional. Someone who loves hard and deep. Someone who trusted him, her love, so blindly that she never suspected Chujin was up to anything suspicious. And when he was stripped away from her, it hurt so much. She even blamed herself for not noticing. It's sad.

So... why inject Kanako, something Chujin didn't want her to do? Simple. Because of her major character flaw: stubbornness.

See, Ceroba had refused at first. But the line that got her to change her mind was this:

Ceroba, still in emotional distress and not thinking clearly (much like Starlo), trusted her heart and not her head. And her heart was telling her that Chujin, wherever his soul was, would be proud of her for fulfilling his dream. Making his legacy come true. Saving monsterkind was a bonus, but I believe the main, true motivation here was honoring Chujin and what he wanted to accomplish for monsterkind. And so, instead of focusing on remaining a good parent to her only child, Ceroba chose her husband. She chose something greater that he believed in.

Ceroba loves Kanako, don't get me wrong. She remembers how Kanako and Starlo would watch westerns together, how Kanako would play with brick toys when she was younger, she says how her love for her could be enough to shatter the barrier. She'd tuck her in every night. She promised she'd be safe during the extraction. The two hugged tight and said 'I love you.' All signs point towards Kanako receiving a lot of love from her mother. She even made a drawing of the three of them, and this picture on the right says it all:

Chujin, too, loved his daughter, and I believe this love for her was more prominent before the attack (he even gave her the chance to play video games in her room, how cool is that?). He, too, like Ceroba, prioritzed the wrong things. Instead of making sure Kanako was alright, he made Axis chase after the human and didn't stay to comfort her. He was so focused on the prejudice towards humans (he believed Integrity would have 'continued the crusade' and it hadn't just been fear or self-defense that made them attack) that he forgot that the safety of his child and helping Dalv was far more important.

But Chujin... Ceroba can't even look at her own daughter without being reminded of him:

Ceroba talks about Chujin a lot.

Even though Ceroba messed up badly by injecting Kanako, not paying more attention to what Chujin had been doing, manipulating Clover and the Feisty Five, wanting to kill Clover so she'd save Kanako and monsterkind (notice how she is so blinded that, even as she talks about Kanako, it seems like she sees her as a tool for finishing what Chujin wanted, ACCORDING TO CEROBA. In reality, the man just wanted Kanako to be happy and for her to stay out of all this),

and almost killing Starlo and Martlet, she acknowledged her situation and later admitted that she was wrong. The reason Clover hugged her and forgave her easily was because Clover is like that. Completely altruistic. Starlo and Martlet are sweethearts, too. All three have good hearts and lots of empathy and understanding. And, me, personally? Instead of it putting me off...

...I find it admirable.

[jpegjade]

spencer blurb - reader OCD

this turned out to be actually cathartic. (my therapist suggested i write about it in this format so here i go...) and yes, my therapist knows i write spencer fanfics and supports it as an outward creative release. inspired by my most recent breakdown.

spencer was the first to tell you had ocd, even though you didn't say anything to anyone but Hotch.

the organization, sure, but it was more than that. it was the counting. it was the steps. it was the particular way you had to have a number of sugars, time in increments, washing your hands for a specific amount of time or it wouldn't be right. you would have to do it over again. you had to eat counter clockwise every time. it had to be right. it had to be in the right order. it was hell wherever you went. every day. it wasn't fair.

"good?" spencer said, waiting outside the bathroom door for you. not in a creepy way, he promised every time. he just didn't want you to feel alone. he knew what that felt like. the intrusive thoughts. the fear about the consequences. he knew what happened when he shook hands with someone. the germs were one thing. it was different when he touched the wrong thing and all of his thoughts became obsessive. wave. who cares if they think he's weird. he can't do it. something bad happens when he does it.

"thanks." you said, getting a small smile from spencer as the two of you fell into step. every time. one. two. three. always a three. never more. pause. spencer always paused with you. he never walked faster, never lagging or speeding past you. never huffed. never complained. short distance because you were shorter but his steps shifted. you weren't sure why but he was there in step with you.

"do you want lunch?" spencer asked, his desk across from yours. you were tapping your pen, click click click. you couldn't stop until you it 27. 3 more to go and then you could answer him. you couldn't stop or something bad would happen.

spencer waited. he always waited. never rushed, wouldn't mind repeating himself on the rare occasion that you would not hear him because the thoughts made you focus on the problem. it was fine for him to wait. he didn't mind if it meant you were able to keep the thoughts at bay, even for a moment. something bad won't happen if you could just get to 27. no more. no less. no interruptions or you have to start over.

"you don't have to get me food." you said, finally hitting your number. one more thought down. you looked at him, his kind eyes looking at you when you eventually met his gaze. he was the only one who could watch and count.

"i know. but you need lunch. you need a snack. you need something to eat." he said, tapping his foot. you started counting. 3. 6. 9. 27. freeze. it was like he knew what you were thinking.

"Okay." You said, getting up to walk with him. The intrusive thoughts were coming back but you had to control them. you had to write it down in your phone, like your therapist said. you had to stop thinking spencer will die if you step on the same crack in the sidewalk outside of the office.

he stepped over it with you. he knew. he just new and didn't make fun of you or think you're weird. he just... let you be you and took it one moment at a time. you counted your steps, watching spencer fall in line with you. he didn't ask. he never asked. he just knew.

[acesofspadess]

Let The Games Begin

Worth The Risk Masterlist

narry x oc

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜

You know the saying, easier said than done, well you never meant to take that so literal. Over the course of the next couple weeks, shit had hit the fan. You were good, that was never the question, but being so young and inexperienced compared to the rest of girls set you behind from the beginning.

“The final contestant who’s made it through… is…”

It wasn’t your name. And while 99% of you knew it wouldn’t be, the 1% in you was more hopeful than ever. You didn’t let the tears fall until you were backstage by yourself. You went to text the siblings before someone sat next to you. “I'm sorry you didn’t make it. You were really good.” The accent wasn’t like your own. “Did you not make it either?” you saw the redness in his eyes, and when he shook his head to confirm your guess you rested your head on his shoulder. “Autumn.” you recited, “Niall.” he gave back.

“Nice to meet you Niall, even under the unfortunate circumstances.” you both laughed softly at the attempted joke before silence fell over you both. The silence was comfortable, it was peaceful, home like almost.

“Can I have all the girls over here please?” one of the workers called in your area and you and Niall looked at each other, confusion over your faces. “Maybe they’re collecting the boys too? Go and check.” you urged as he helped you up. “I’ll see you later Autumn.” he waved goodbye as you went in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile….

Nicole, Louis, and Simon, were looking at the photo cards of the boys. “I like these 5 together.” Nicole happily cheered but Simon seemed off-put. “It's missing something.” he pointed out, and while Louis and Nicole thought to adjust the boys Simon went over to the girls group. He looked for a specific photo and once he found it he put the card in line with the boys.

“No Simon, you can’t do that.” The first disagreement was made by Nicole. “But her voice would go perfectly with the rest of the boys.” he stood his ground and looked to Louis who was studying the faces intensely. “I have to agree with Simon, Nicole. They look good together, I'm sure they would sound even better. I don’t know why you have something against her.” He defended and stood with Simon. 

“I don’t have anything against her,” she quickly told off. “I just don’t think that she belongs in a boy band.” Louis looked at the photos one last time. “Then let her choose.” he offered, looking down at Simon who spoke, “Have her come in with the girls, then we’ll decide from there. But I think even she would prefer the boys.”

Present…

As you walked on stage with a group of girls from the left wing, a group of boys, some of which you recognised, Harry, Zayn, and now Niall. You couldn't stop looking over at them, wishing you were with familiar people, some who actually cared to learn your name. 

“Hello.” Nicole spoke softly into the mic making you snap your head away from the boys as everyone repeated the greeting. “Thank you so much for coming back. I know judging from some of your faces that this is really hard. We’ve thought long and hard about you individually, and you are all too talented to let go of. So we’ve put together two separate groups.” Nicole handed the mic to Simon who was looking right at you. “Autumn, do you mind joining the boys?”  The faintest smile made its way to your face as you walked across the stage standing in between Harry and Niall as they had created a space for you. 

“See she looks happier there.” Simon whispered to Nicole as you walked across the stage. She nodded in understanding, having to admit that you did indeed belong with them. “We’ve decided to put you both through to the judges rounds.” Time seemed to freeze as you repeated what he said over through your head till you were being wrapped in a massive hug. You immediately wrapped your arms around the figure you now knew was Niall before you both separated and shook Harry who was crouched into himself. He popped up wrapping you and Niall into a hug full of laughs and cries. 

As you walked off the stage together you all huddled up again. “I know this might be weird with me, but I have an older brother-.” 

“You're one of us now, it doesn't matter.” One the boys who you hadn’t met yet cut you off and you smiled. “Louis.” he held his hand out. “Autumn.” the tallest boy came over to you too. “Liam.” you knew he had heard you so you didn’t repeat it again. When you all walked outside you saw Bentley, Nan and Pap, and Anne chatting together. You assume it was over what just happened. When they saw you, you and Harry ran towards them. You hugged Bentley who held you tightly. “Where’s Bev?” he pointed towards the car to see Beverly asleep. “She has the ability to fall asleep anywhere.” you both laughed before you dragged him over to meet the rest of the boys. “Bentley, Niall, Louis, and Liam. You’ve already met Harry, and Zayn.” he greeted them as Anne pulled you into a hug. “I’m glad you're with them. They need some girl power in their lives.” you laughed with her as it came naturally. 

Anne decided she needed a picture of all you, and as you sat on the stairs next to Harry in front of Liam you were truly in for a ride.

———————-

Worth The Risk Masterlist

tags:

@youcan-nolonger-run @ravenclawdirectioner

@luxiorchive @maeflowers653  @purple9950 @forkmeniall @nathalielovesonedirection @hopsydaisy @shortie-niya

[dankmaths]

god fuckign dammit i cant stop thinking about thefucking hospital scene

just rewatched it and i don't want to spend 5 hours formatting a long unhinged twitter thread so here we are. i am mishmashing the game and anime and manga scenes together in my personal canon blender. p4 spoilers of course

cause like, naoto is the one to suggest they throw namatame into the TV. and kanji's on board with it too. but the one yu has to fight over it, the one yu has to think carefully about and talk down, is fucking yosuke hanamura.

of course everyone has a personal stake in it considering namatame was going around kidnapping everyone, but yosuke specifically...

he phrases it like "we have to stop him before he hurts anyone else," but it seems like a big part of his motive is revenge. saki's kindness meant a lot to him, regardless of how real it was, or selfish his motive is, and it wasn't fair she had to die. so now he's gonna kill namatame. and it doesn't matter if that goes against his morals, or if no one else is willing to do it. he is absolutely dead set on killing namatame (pun intended). the only thing stopping him from doing it is yu.

it's ironic looking back. because like yosuke, namatame also lost someone important to him, and is trying to use his power to do what he thinks is right in his own way... just like yosuke wanted to be a hero, namatame wanted to be a savior, but yosuke is too blinded by rage in the moment to see that. the big difference is who got to them first. yosuke's had yu with him the whole time to keep him grounded, and eventually, the whole investigation team- namatame got adachi.

(side note- i more often think about yosuke+adachi parallels; how they're both bored with everything, but yosuke has the team and adachi pushes everyone away, but that's not really relevant rn lol)

there's also the scene where yu goes to confront the true killer alone, and yosuke's waiting outside when he comes back. and at that point he's not angry anymore, just… disappointed. (feelsbadman) but i don't think it's because he changed his mind.

after you calm him down in the hospital, he's STILL thinking about doing it:

(another side note- the va in this scene is top notch. this line gave me chills rewatching it. first time i saw the hospital scene i was getting a little scared lol)

and after learning the true killer's identity he fucking hates adachi. even after defeating him he never really forgives him. he still gets pissed and tries to attack adachi when he shows up unexpectedly in ultimax:

yosuke was 100% willing to kill someone, and he'd 100% do it again if his partner gave the okay. but as much as he hates adachi, he understands that he's important to yu, enough to know yu would break their promise and sneak into the TV alone. and despite how he might feel, he doesn't want yu to lose someone important to him too.

there's also the scene in the anime after the hospital, where after yu tries to send everyone home promising he'll be okay, yosuke comes back to comfort him. he's still upset, but he's deferring to yu's leadership and more importantly, making sure that his partner is okay comes first.

that's why i think it's great the anime puts the fist fight after the hospital scene. cause he spends his whole social link struggling with his grief and insecurity and jealousy; and then, in december, with tensions running high and these nasty revelations about himself and awful feelings swirling inside, it all finally comes to a head. and he tries to get it all out in the only way he knows how: two dudes beating the shit out of each other. Thats True Love Babey.

not much of a point to all this, except that i really love yosuke's character (and souyo) lol. something is wrong with him. I Know What He Is. he's like the team mood maker and he's always joking around (and i think golden especially looooves to play him up for comic relief), but perhaps the moments when he lets the veneer slip are the moments where he shines the most.

[cherryredstars]

PLEASE WRITE SOMETJINT WHERE THERES A TRANSMASC READER AND MIGUEL FINDS OUT BC THEYRE AT THE BEAFH FOR TJE FIRST TIME AS A DATE AND READER TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF AND MIGUEL IS LIKE PANICKING LIKE “Reader? Did someone hurt you??” AND READER IS CONFUSED LIKE “what do you mean” AND THEN READER LOOKS DOWN AND NOTICES WHAT HES TALKING ABOUT AND PANICS TOO LIKE “Miguel I- didnt want you to see them-“ AND MIGUEL IS LIKE “What do you mean?? What are they??” AND READER IS COVERING HIS TOPSCARS LOOKING AT MIGUEL KIND OF WITH AN ASHAMED LOOK ON HIS FACE AND HES JUST STANDING THERE, AND FINALLY MIGUEL FIGURES IT OUT AND HES LIKE “are those top surgery scars?” AND READER NODS AND ITS JUST CONFUSION ALL AROUND AND THEN MIGUEL IS FINALLY LIKE “I support you” AND THEN JS GO FROM TJERE PLEASE

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x Transmasc!reader

Warnings: Mentions to Top Surgery Scars, Fluff

Summary: Miguel is basically mesmerized by you. 

A/N: I can’t tell you how excited I was when I got this request!

Word Count: 725 (Not Edited)

You’re so comfortable in your body.

It’s to the point that you forget that your body wasn’t always yours. That you had to give it those few moderations to make it the one you’ve grown so comfortable and proud of. It feels like the body you’re meant to have. That you deserve to have. And you love your body and your journey and how far you’ve come so much. It makes it hard to remember that some people won’t. That some horrible, miserable people think it’s disgusting and sinful and something you’ll wake up regretting some day. 

But you don’t think about that. You know in your heart of hearts that you love your body and this is who you’re supposed to be. This is who you want to be. So you don’t really think when you pull your shirt off. You’ve reached that point in your life where you aren’t anxious about it anymore. 

Or, you thought you were. You’re throwing your shirt to the side when you hear Miguel’s muffled noise of panic. You turn quickly to him in alarm, asking him if something’s wrong. You fuss over him, questions spilling out of you as you scan his body for injuries. But his eyes are zeroed in on you. More specifically, on your chest. 

You follow his line of sight, staring down your body. Your eyes catch sight of the slightly raised and discolored skin and you cringe. You don’t remember the last time you did that. You let go of Miguel, stepping back a few paces. It’s weird-- to feel self conscious after so long of thriving in your body. Your hand itches at your side, and you instinctively bring your arm across to hide the scars. You instantly drop your arm though. I don’t need to be ashamed, you think to yourself. It is not my problem if my body makes him uncomfortable. 

“Are… do they hurt? Are you hurt?” Miguel asks, the panic is still in his voice, but it has died down. It’s more confused, unsure of himself. 

Your brows furrow until it clicks. He’s not judging you, he’s concerned. He… cares. “Wha- no. They’re healed. They’re from, uh… surgery?”

Miguel’s brows furrow too, eyes squinting as he looks more closely at them. They do look more precise, purposeful. They’re not jagged like knife wounds. They’re clean and simple. He can tell from the scar pattern where stitches used to hold the skin together. Surgery… top surgery. His eyebrows raise in understanding, nodding subtly to himself. He looks back to your face, feeling guilty for the guarded look you have.

“They… they look like lightning. El rayo.” He whispers, “Rayo hermoso.”

His words make you flush, whispering out a small thank you. He nods, not really listening. His eyes shine as he stares at you. Like he’s amazed by your presence. That your very being is something special. But, maybe your eyes are tricking you.

“Do they…” you start but you rethink your words. “If they make you uncomfortable, we can leave and go our separate ways.”

Miguel is quick to shake his head, stiff expression covering his face. He looks you in the eyes, something genuine and pure on his face. “No, they’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

You’re bashful when you smile at him, shaking your head as it faces the ground, “Good. That’s… good.”

A silence comes over the two of you as you process the moment. It’s broken when a beach ball falls near the two of you. You reach down and grab it, serving it back to the group of teens who wave their arms to gain your attention. Miguel is at your side when you stand up, his arm hesitantly slinking around your waist. You smile up at him, taking his sunglasses from the top of his head and putting them over his eyes. He smiles back at you, his grip getting stronger. 

“Come on, it’s hot. Let’s go into the water.” You tell him, grabbing onto his hand as you try to lead the way into the ocean. 

Miguel pulls you back, making you hit his chest lightly in the process. You stare up at him, leaning into his touch when his hand cups your cheek. He leans down, kissing the corner of your mouth lightly.

 “Eres el hombre más guapo que he visto, mi rayo.”