#you know what ya did hiruzen

[fairyluffy]

Naruto 30 day challenge

day 22: overrated character- hiruzen sarutobi i said what i said

[detectivestucks]

Overnight Training

18+ content, Minors do NOT interract

Pairing: Kakashi x F!Reader

Summery: Your adopted baby brother Naruto isn't being treated fairly by his Sensei as he prepares for the third Chunin Exam. You go over to Kakashi's house to give him a piece of your mind.

Warnings: NSFW, gaslighting, spanking, slapping, fingering, oral, unprotected penetration

Word Count: 4.5k

Anon Request

The smell of Ichiraku ramen wafts through the air and into your nose like a welcome friend on your way towards the noodle shop. You see a familiar pair of legs dangling off the stool as you approach, ready and waiting for you to pay for their meal.

“Hi Naruto!”

“Hi Y/N-san!”

“How ya doin kiddo?” you say as you tousle his blonde hair. 

Though he was a royal pain in the ass, you took a liking to Naruto shortly before he enrolled in the Ninja Academy. He was loud and crazy, and terrorized the village plenty, but then one time you caught him between acts of corruption. You saw the sad orphan who just needed attention and you took it upon yourself to become a sister figure to him. You’d chase down shop owners who were rude to him, gossiping wives spreading false rumors about the boy, and yes, you went toe to toe with Iruka several times while he was at the Academy. The latter may have resulted in a brief relationship but ultimately caring for Naruto was your primary concern and Iruka couldn’t appear to be favoring the boy more than he already was. The two of you had started talking on and off now that Naruto was no longer at the Academy but now you have a new sensei to worry about. 

The infamous Kakashi Hatake, the Copy Ninja. You were less than thrilled to find out he would be responsible for your baby brother because of his reputation as being ruthless. Naruto needed a nurturer like Iruka, not a solider like Kakashi. Lord Hiruzen assured you it would be fine but you had your doubts, hence why you began checking in on Naruto more than ever. 

“I’m doing really really well! I learned all kinds of chakra control stuff and I made it through the second exam!”

“That’s wonderful!”

“But now I’m trying to learn a cool new jutsu for the third one and Kakashi-sensei is too busy with Sasuke to train me!”

“What?! He’s not helping you train!”

“No” He crosses his arms in front of him. “I’m relying on some pervy old sage guy who said he’d train me.”

Your stomach sinks knowing who he’s talking about. “His real name wouldn’t happen to be Jiraiya, would it?”

“Yeah! That’s the one! But he spends most of our time looking at girls instead of giving me directions.”

“...I bet he does.” you murmur under your breath.

“Look Naruto, Jiraiya happens to be a really great ninja. You’re lucky to have gained him as a sensei.”

“You think so?!”

“They don’t call him one of the Legendary Sannin for nothin.”

“Wow! Really?”

“Really. And while you train with him, I’ll go give your Jonin Leader a good talking to. Remind him that he has three genin he’s responsible for, two of which made it to the final round.” You say in a firm tone as you accept your bowl of ramen.

“Yeah, yeah. Just don’t go dating him like you did with Iruka-sensei. That was embarrassing.”

The heat on your cheeks rises as you nervously tuck your hair behind your ear. “It’s not gonna be like that. Iruka is…well…sweet,” you blush “But Kakashi is such a, well…”

“A Jerk!”

“Naruto! Don’t say that about your sensei!”

“Why not? You were going to.”

“Was not!”

“Were to!”

“Just eat your ramen.” you say with a soft tap of your chopsticks on his yellow mop.

The two of you chow down before you escort Naruto back to his home. He excitedly blabbered on and on about his experience in the second chunin exam and you couldn’t feel more proud of the kid than if he were your actual biological brother.

You reach the door to his second story home and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Okay, kiddo, have a good day of training tomorrow. Learn everything you can and put your all into it like usual.”

“Will do Y/N-san!”

“Night kid.” you say with a chuckle releasing his shoulder and watching as Naruto unlocks the door.

“Night Y/N-san!” he shouts as he closes the door.

You couldn’t help but smile at the disappearing image of the world’s most adorable little punk with a heart of gold to match his spiky locks. The idea that Kakashi abandoned him right before the third chunin exam had your blood boiling.

What the hell was Kakashi’s problem? Did he have some vendetta cause Naruto housed the Nine Tails? Was he favoring Sasuke cause of unresolved feelings about his old teammate, Obito? Or was he just a wannabe Uchiha jerk who needed to be taught a lesson?

You march your way over to Kakashi’s house and bang on his door. He takes forever to answer so you knock again, feeling your temper rise. 

You hear the latch of his lock click and the sound of the knob twisting. As the door opened, you saw a shirtless Kakashi standing before you in sweats, with a towel in his hand. He had clearly been showering after a day of training with Sasuke and was in the middle of drying off when you disturbed him. 

“Oh hey, Y/N. Come in.” he says casually as he walks away from the door towards his kitchen and lowers his head to dry his hair with the towel in his hand. 

“Oh hey nothing, Kakashi! Don’t act like you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“...”

You let out a grunt of anger. Was he really that arrogant that he couldn’t have possibly done anything wrong. It just made you fume.

“You’re spending all your time training the Uchiha boy and left Naruto to fend for himself! How can you be so callous to your own team?!”

“I already told him I’m sorry. Plus what I’m trying to teach Sasuke is very complex and only someone with a sharingan can learn it.”

You stride up to him standing centimeters from his face as you glare and poke at his chest.

“Look at you all high and mighty. ‘Only someone with a sharingan can learn it.’ Bull! Naruto is swimming in chakra! He brims with potential while you’re out here playing favorites!”

Kakashi grabs the finger you were poking him with and spins you around so that your hand is pinned behind your back. He holds you firmly as he whispers dangerously in your ear, 

“I’d be careful who I’m poking that finger at, little lady.”

Your breath may have faltered a little from the change in position but you had a point to prove so you press on.

“What, can’t take criticism?”

Kakashi slams your upper body down on his kitchen counter, your free hand barely catching you before you hit your head too hard. He leans down over you, his body pressing into yours as he chides, 

“I treat all my soldiers the way they need to be treated. Only I can know what all three of them need from me at any given time. Right now, the only Uchiha in the village needs training from the only other posesser of a Sharingan in the entirety of Konaha. Unless you’re secretly an Uchiha bastard who can train him, I’d suggest you simmer down.”

His words were chilling. Ice to your ears. It made sense but why should Naruto get the short end of the stick? He was always excluded from everything. You struggle in Kakashi’s grasp trying to turn around and face him as you continue to defend your little brother.

“That’s a bullshit answer! Just cause Naruto doesn’t have  a sharingan, means his own sensei can’t give him any training at all?!”

Kakashi slaps the flesh of your ass with all his might making you cry out in pain. 

“Enough! I’ve heard about as much as I will tolerate from you! You don’t know a thing about leading a squad! I will not subject myself to any more of your baseless, ignorant opinions.” 

He brings his hand down again on the same spot. All the muscle he spent years developing, employed in this moment to humiliate you as you laid bent over Kakashi’s counter, hand still pinned behind your back by nothing more than his grasp on your finger. 

Your breath hitched as the blow landed, pain searing your skin. You were certain that a bruise would form within the next few minutes. 

Overcoming the shock of his actions you begin to struggle in his grasp. “Fuckin’ asshole, let go of me!”

“I’m the asshole? You’re the one who came to my house to yell at me!” he snarls, twisting your arm painfully. You cry out but he doesn’t loosen his grip. No, he stands directly behind you, leaning in, securing your hips against the edge of the counter. He begins rubbing his hand in large circles over your hip and cheek as if preparing the area for another assault. 

You continue to struggle when you feel his warm breath as he chuckles in your ear. 

“Did you really think you could come over here to yell at me and get away with it?”

He interrupts his rubbing to deliver another striking blow to your cheek. “No. It seems you’ve been spending too much time around Naruto. You’ve forgotten your manners.”

His free hand slides from your ass up to your neck where he grabs you at the base of your jaw and turns your head to the side just enough to press his nose into your cheek.

“Maybe you need some private lessons from a sensei of your own. Hmm?”

You can feel his manhood hardening beneath his sweatpants, your compromised position once more causing your breath to falter. 

Smiling at your reaction, Kakashi kisses your cheek before standing up. He keeps his hips ground against your rear, pinning you to the counter still. He begins to play with your hair using his free hand as he continues,

“Naruto’s lucky to have such a pretty big sister. Watching out for him, picking senseless fights.”

“It’s not senseless you’re showing favoritism.” You grumble before he twists your arm again causing you to wince. 

“As likely as that may seem, let's not jump to conclusions yet.”

You scoff at him and he slaps down on your backside once more. You let out a small groan upon impact making Kakashi chuckle. 

“Let’s look at the facts, shall we?”

Kakashi releases your arm to grab your hips and spin you around. He steers you towards the wall, backing you up against it, caging you in as he grabs both your wrists, bringing them up above your head and pinning them together to hold with one hand. He casually props his free hand on his hip while leaning his weight against your wrists with the other as he continues.

“Naruto is a high energy kid who needs a high energy sensei. His father’s former sensei is in the village, available to train him. Ask yourself, is that a coincidence?” 

Your eyes narrow as you glare at him. His words were so convincing but you couldn’t shake the feeling he was full of it.

“Sasuke has no other options and happens to have the same chakra nature as me. A perfect student to pass my jutsu onto.” It takes every fiber of your being to resist the eye roll threatening to make an appearance at the mention of passing down his original jutsu. “It’s only logical that I give Naruto the honor of studying under one of the Legendary Sannin while I take on Sasuke”

He was damn good, you’d give him that. You knew he was full of shit but you almost believe him.

“Now what do you have to say to me?”

“Excuse me?”

He takes his hand off his hip to give your face a sharp slap.

“No, you do not need to ask to be excused. Try again.”

Your mouth falls open in disbelief. Your eyes scan down his body, starting with his covered face and dropping down to his shirtless chest. You take note of his war torn body carved to perfection with an alluring V-shape plummeting down into his baggy sweatpants currently pitched by his erection. 

“Eyes up here, Sweetie.”

You look back up to his uncovered eye suddenly very aware of your nipples stiffening in your bra. You were so mad at yourself. You came to defend Naruto but found yourself pinned to the wall doubting your convictions as Kakashi closed the space between you. He gave you no other option than to feel his entire body against your own, pressing himself into your chest as his free hand roamed up and down your side. 

Your breathing becomes shallow. All the free air between you is being used up by him when he reminds you what he’s waiting for.

“What do you have to say to me for coming to my house at night to yell at me?”

“I’m sorry?”

He slides his hand to your sore rear and grips it harshly, pulling your pelvis into his.

“Try that again.” 

Brimming with shame you whisper in his ear, “I’m sorry”

“Good, but perhaps I should ensure this lesson really sticks so we don’t have a repeat of tonight, hmm?”

Your eyes grow wide as you search his face for answers but with a stoic expression he begins to unbutton your pants and tug them to the floor. 

“Hey! What are you do-”

Your protests are cut off by Kakashi quickly removing his mask to kiss you. He presses his lips into yours, silencing your voice. It was surprisingly welcome. Tender but passionate with the taste of his orange mouthwash freshly on his breath. You couldn’t stop yourself from leaning into it.

Once he had the cooperation of your lips he resumed removing your pants. Stripping you down to your thong. He began to rub over the fabric, circling around your clit making your breath catch in your throat. 

“It seems like you’re struggling to stay mad at me. Isn’t that right Sweetie?” He stops rubbing to give your sex some firm pats over the cloth. 

“Your underwear is soaked. Is that cause of me?”

Arrogant asshole. You were embarrassed and ashamed. You looked down so as not to acknowledge his statement but he gave a more forceful slap between your legs causing you to sharply inhale. He hums into your ear, enjoying how he is toying with you. 

He slips your thong to the side exposing your bare folds and you can’t help but return your eyes to his face. He slips one of his long fingers in causing an involuntary whine to slip past your lips. The corner of his mouth turns up at the sound. He strokes in and out of you a few times before adding in a second finger. “Ah”

The sound was quiet and small but it ignited him in a primal way. He leans his forehead against yours as he continues to taunt.

“Naruto’s mouthy older sister. Always sticking her pretty nose where it doesn’t belong. I was wondering how long before I saw you at my door. Heck, I was practically counting the days.” He gives you a long drawn out kiss as his fingers continue to stroke in and out of you. “Been hoping to get a taste of what Iruka had ever since the kid was assigned to my team.”

You were so mad at him for bringing up your ex, but the way he was working your walls was enough for you to hold your silence. You didn’t want him to stop. You needed him to keep going, even as your trapped arms began to lose circulation and fall asleep above your head.

A third digit slides in leaving you gasping and breathless. 

“You like that, don’t you Sweetheart?”

You’re biting your lip and closing your eyes, resisting the urge to scream ‘yes.’ 

“You don’t need to say anything, just let the cream running down my knuckles do the talking for you.”

You hated giving him the smug satisfaction but you squeeze around his fingers helplessly. Then he finds just the right spot and begins to hook his digits as he drags them outward. A long moan spills from your lips

“Oooh, gods Kakashi, yes!”

He hungrily kisses you, attempting to claim you as his own. The scent of his soap lingering on his freshly washed skin fills your nostrils as you inhale between kisses. His tongue explores the inside of your mouth, the muscle dancing with your own. A need to devour you communicated by his greedy lips.

He withdraws his fingers from your cavern and feeds them to you. You suck on them while making eye contact with him before he takes them out and finishes licking them clean in his own mouth, sucking one digit at a time. 

When he was done he released your wrists and brought both of your arms to wrap around his neck, holding your gaze while he did. 

The familiar tingle of circulation restoring itself spreads through your limbs as you tighten your grip around him. His hands run the course of your back. Wandering, touching, feeling, groping, before settling with one around the small of your back and the other in your hair. You lunge back into a kiss, nibbling and biting his lips, consumed with want. He pulls back briefly to pant, “bedroom.” You get the message and the two of you kiss sloppily as you stagger over. Once through the door you each shed your remaining layers before you fall to your knees. 

Immediately you grasp his length, wrapping your fingers around its base while your other hand reaches up to claw at his back. You stroke him a few times before you point your tongue and drag it all the way from his base to his tip. You feel the rush of his blood pulse through his shaft as your grip tightens before you seal your lips around him. Up and down your hand tugged, keeping the pressure firm while your tongue worked along his slit, siphoning out his oozing pre cum. His hips shifted forward slightly and you knew he was yearning for you to swallow him whole. 

You released his head with a wet pop before licking one more stripe up from his base.

You look up at him through your lashes and part your lips, breathing on his tip before opening up and swallowing till he hit the back of your mouth. 

“I know you can do better than that” he taunts

You grip his hips, bracing yourself as you reangle and relax your throat, allowing him to sink past your vocal cords. Your nose brushes against his silver body hair as you push forward.

“Mmmm much better.”

He sinks his fingers into your hair, guiding you up and down along his length, the lip of his mushroom tip catching in your throat with each pass. 

“Feels so damn good. This is where you belong. On your knees before me. Fuck”

He draws a breath through his teeth feeling a tingle run over his entire body. The lewd sounds coming from your mouth fill the air as he begins to rock his hips into you. He closes his eyes and groans, letting you service him, excited by the powerful feeling of having you choke on his cock. 

Saliva dribbles out of the corners of your mouth and down on your barren chest. Your tongue glides along the underside of his length. When he bottoms out in your throat you stick it out further, trying to lick some of the skin below his endowment, making him shudder. 

“Grab them.” he whispers.

You reach down and tactfully massage his balls in your hand. One arm still gripping around his hip and your nose flush with his abdominals, Kakashi was twitching harshly in your mouth. He was on the brink of cumming.

“Fuck Y/N! I didn’t wait all this time just for a blow job. Get on the bed.”

Slowly you withdrew your lips from his manhood and crawled up onto the bed. As much as Kakashi wanted to rail into you from behind, he wanted to see your face when he entered you for the first time. Cause it definitely wouldn’t be his last. 

“On your back, Sweetheart. I wanna see your face.”

You nod and lay down with your knees propped up and legs spread. He settles between your thighs and slaps you clit with his slobber-soaked dick, allowing you to flinch from the strike. Your eyes are fixated on his thick girth as he lines himself up with your slit. You watch him begin to sink in when he demands, “eyes up here.” 

Your gaze snaps up to meet his as your mouth drops into an O shape, brows furrow together and a shameful breathy moan slips from your open mouth. A stifled grunt from Kakashi lingering with it.

Your face was everything he hoped it would be. You paint the picture of pleasure while your pliable silken walls fold around him perfectly. He couldn’t help how his toes curled from the simple act of entering you. A mutual understanding that this would be the first of several rounds was silently communicated by nothing more than your response to his intrusion. 

He slides back and forth, lubricating his length as he slowly acquaints himself with every part of your interior. Your core knots up each time he fully sheaths himself in your cavern, arms clutching him, forcing him down to your lips. 

“Fuck Kakashi”

“Yes?” He bottoms out again pushing your groan past your tongue. “Did you have something to say?”

“Just fuuuuuckk.”

“Apologize for jumping to conclusions and maybe I can treat you this good everytime we see each other.”

“Are you fuckin serious right now?” You pant, sexual pleasure stealing all bite from your words. You are little more than a pile of flesh at the present moment unable to argue with Kakashi’s ego.

He leans closer to whisper in your ear, “dead serious” before leaning back up and establishing his pace. You know his mind is almost as clouded as yours from the way your bodies mold together. His usual calm and domineering demeanor faltered each time you squeezed around him. The pleasure creasing his features as he pushes into you, maintaining his tempo. 

He shifts all his bodyweight over to one arm as he uses the other to grab your face, pulling you into him for another heated kiss. His lips working against yours, sucking off the last remnants of your chapstick. Normally he didn’t kiss his hook ups so much but something about you made him hungry. Maybe it was how mouthy you are. He needed to give your lips something better to do than shout your ignorant opinions. If that’s the case he’d kiss you for hours if he had to. Never able to get enough of the taste. 

You thread your fingers through his soft hair. It was nearly dry and smelled heavenly from his conditioner. You push your chest up into his, allowing your tits to rock against his pecs with each thrust into your soaking wet folds. Little sighs and groans filling the space between you. He couldn’t help but think that you were the cutest fuck he’d had in awhile. Maybe he needed to piss you off more often since it got him here, between your legs, panting and moaning for him the way that you are. His eyes roll backwards as your fingers toy with the silver strands. 

“Shit Y/N, on your knees.”

You comply with one last hungry pull at his lips, shifting to all fours. Kakashi grabs two fist fulls of your ass as he plunges in, hitting so deep you can’t breathe. The wind has been knocked out of you. It’s all you can do to catch it again. He lets his excitement get the better of him and launches into you with brain rattling speed. 

He hit so deep he found a sweet spot that has been long neglected. One you can’t reach on your own. When he felt how you constricted around him he focused on it. Pummeling into that same spot, making you drop your face to the sheets. You cry out from the pressure and he knows you’re on the brink of orgasm from how white your knuckles are as they grip the sheets for support.

He smiled at the bruise he created in the kitchen while watching how your ass rippled violently from his hips colliding into it. His shinobi training allowing him to get carried away. Speed far exceeding any normal man. Your poor little cunt is no match for his unrelenting strength and stamina.

You start to scream from the stimulation. Kakashi fists your hair and yanks it back so he can hear your screams properly. Your cries are by far the sexiest sound he’s ever heard and he needs to make you louder. He needs to hear the power his cock has over you. Your current predicament, boosting his ego far more than it should ever be boosted. One arm tugging back on your hair, the other secure around your waist, he arched your back impossibly far, his tip displacing your cervix, you both speed to the precipice of orgasm. The squelching that omits from where your bodies connect, mingles with your moans and screams. Kakashi doesn’t think he’s ever heard a more beautiful melody. 

All of Naruto’s more tedious qualities are completely justified in this moment. They are worth his patience if he can ravage you like this everytime Naruto throws a tantrum. 

“That’s it. You can take it Sweetie Just a little more.”

His praise only continues to lead to your undoing. One hand clutching the arm wrapped around your waist while the other grabs around the wrist of the hand in your hair. Words aren’t even an option in this position. All you can do is empty the air in your lungs with whatever noise comes out. You are millimeters away from falling over the edge. Each thrust scooting you there. He’s almost there too. He’s losing his rhythm. His strokes are getting sloppy but it doesn’t do anything to dampen the intensity of the moment. 

You cry out as the orgasm finally hits. You start to tremble and quake. Kakashi lifts you all the way back so you are flush against his chest as he empties himself inside of you. Deep groans fill your ears as your walls flutter closed around him, sucking out every last drop. You feel a rush of relief flood your core as his strokes slow to a complete stop. 

The two of you kneel on the bed, you weak in his arms, as both of you catch your breath. You feel him grow soft inside your walls while a mix of both your cum slips out of you and slides down your inner thighs. Kakashi holds you tight, not letting go. He begins to kiss the curve of your neck making you close your eyes and moan some more. 

“Thank you, Sensei” you breathe

“Mmmmm, you up for another round?”

“Already?”

You feel his length hardening again between your legs. He responds to your question by twitching his cock so that it tapped against your labia. 

“Do I seem ready to you?”

You obediently lower back to all fours again, letting him slip past your lips a second time. He strokes in and out of you lazily as he says, “Brace yourself, Sweetie, it looks like we’ll be training all night.”

Masterlist

[tamelee]

Hey!

I love your analysis so much! You are the most impartial and nice person I met here so far ❤️❤️❤️

What do you think about the theory that Naruto invented harem jutsu because he wanted to get some men attention? It’s a little messed up since he was a kid, but I mean… Little girls have crushes on grown up men, boys probably have the same (Not saying he was doing it because he crushed on everyone in the village!) but there were times that he didn’t do it to gain something or anything. I’m confused. And I know that probably most of it was just for the fan service, but… I guess I like to have everything to make sense. I would love to hear you opinion on that!

Hi Nonee, thankyou so much ;-; 🧡🫶!! What a sweet thing to say! Hm' I don't think that's the right approach to the topic.. at all. In fact, I think that's very wrong tbh..

..we're talking about a neglected child here. Naruto created the Jutsu because he knows men think a certain way and thinks they're idiots for it. In the beginning he calls the villagers morons and he's quite full of himself (saving face) despite failing in class. Naruto is painfully aware of his own flaws though and so.. has an alternative for shits and giggles because he knows the reaction it'll draw out of men and laughs in their faces.

He gets scolded for it but remember, negative attention is still attention to a deprived and neglected mind of a child.

And yes, attention towards his existence, but it has nothing to do with sexual attention from Naruto's perspective. (wth.) For Naruto that's not why he's doing it and I think it's really weird to (whomever did to) suggest that. Big difference there because for Naruto it is a way to cause trouble as he knows he's already hated (at this point didn't know why) and it is a way to pay them back because they're (as grown men and 'elite Shinobi') humiliated for their severe reactions towards his Jutsu regardless of how negatively they think about him.

Let's see some examples.

Naruto got manipulated into stealing a super forbidden and dangerous scroll and somehow was easily able to do so by using this Jutsu on the Hokage and walked away with it without a problem for hours thanks to it... Apparently it was more effective than whatever Mizuki had in store because he needed a kid to get to the scroll. Obviously Naruto at this point is just toying with all these people and it makes sense that despite him glorifying the name 'Hokage' he doesn't think very highly of Hiruzen or men who fall for it. That's not to say he doesn't respect them in other regards, because he loved Iruka and Jiraiya. But still. "The nose-bleeder":

Ebisu earned his closet-pervert-name for a reason and Naruto wasn't happy with getting training from him instead of Kakashi.

He called Naruto trash at first, thought so lowly of him and told Konohamaru that if he decided to hang out with him longer he'd become stupid (like Naruto).

Naruto used his KBnJ and Ebisu got cocky about it... until..

Because Naruto knows it works. As in "who's stupid now? You fall and get defeated by my Jutsu despite me being all these things you say I am. You loser/pervert."

So later, Naruto even said that Ebisu was 'weaker than him' because he fell for the Jutsu and I think that says a lot about Naruto's perspective on the matter. Especially because he says it so.. passionately and he reeeaallyyy didn't want any training from him.

When he meets Jiraiya for the first time he severely disliked the man. Naruto screams and scolds him for the nasty book, peeping at the women in the bath, being a pervert and committing a crime, he calls Jiraiya a liar and flips him the bird..

It's genuinely wild. Naruto is wild I'll tell ya.

But then it gets more interesting.. because for some weird reason Kishimoto thinks he should let Jiraiya say during their argument that "he doesn't like men!!!".

Which is strange imo because Naruto is a child and not a man and it has nothing to do with his request for training. So what would that do to Naruto?? He's basically saying: "I won't train you because I don't like you the way you are, thus you have to transform into the thing I do like for me to change my mind because that's the only thing stopping me from training you." And what information has Naruto at this point? He knows shallow minded men fall for his Sexy no Jutsu easily, he knows and scolded Jiraiya just a minute ago for his book, peeping and being a pervert.. Naruto is actually so much smarter than people give him credit for (throughout the entire story actually)- put two and two together and he's forced to:

.. exactly.

Naruto even tried to compliment the "nasty book" first even though he obviously didn't mean it before resorting to this Jutsu knowing and even having said before that such behavior is distasteful doing so to humiliate and manipulate Jiraiya to get what he wants (because again, he thinks they're all idiots for this specific reason only). Naruto is very aware about the situation. He doesn't do it for attention, he does it to get trained and Jiraiya quite literally said "I don't like you, you're a rude brat, why would I train you anyway? I don't like men." So what's the alternative? Become a woman (in this case desirable to Jiraiya) and manipulate this fool into getting to train him.

Naruto is extremely uncomfortable and the second Jiraiya suggests he stays that way throughout the training he undoes the Jutsu immediately and gets angry. He throws more insults towards Jiraiya like "pervert" "nasty Sannin" and calls him "totally crazy". He doesn't enjoy to get perved on, he enjoys humiliating them for being fooled so easily because their first impressions of them weren't great to say the least. Iruka always scolded him, Ebisu called him literally trash and Jiraiya was literally the worst at first. Notice how he didn't try using it during the Bell Test on Kakashi for example. He wasn't nice but it wasn't personal towards Naruto.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Uchiha Sasuke

As one of the main character’s there is understandably a lot to love, but bear with me i swear the list won’t be that long.

Killing Danzo. Pretty simple and straight forward, i love when Sasuke faced off against the person who manipulated his brother into murdering their clan and got some sweet sweet revenge. Seeing Danzo destroyed without any sort of real struggle on Sasuke’s part was delightful. Danzo was so weak on his own he had to steal Sharingan to have any confidence in his strength and Sasuke destroyed him easily. It was beautiful.

The look he gave Kakashi when his dumb Sensei swooped in to save them after ‘dying’ and made it look like it was the easiest thing ever. Annoyed Sasuke is life. Look at that face and tell me it’s not hilarious. He has known Kakashi for less than a year and he’s so done with him already XD.

Saving Karin. This dude had no reason to go out of his way to save Karin, but he did because deep down trauma and all Sasuke is a good dude. Ya he got lost and almost caused her death, but gdi this moment when they’re pre-teens was too good to skip because of what happens in the future.

Killing Orochimaru. King shit. Should have killed them again.

(Movie only) when he got that actress’ autograph for Naruto and chose the absolute WORST picture for it. Once again, King shit. Go Sasuke go that was delightful.

Pointing out that he has no reason to love Sakura. Look, listen listen. I’m not shitting on the ship or anyone Sasuke was talking to at the moment, but being honest with himself is an absolute win for me. I personally believe him and Kakashi had good point’s and good reason’s for why they believe what they did, and i support Sasuke for knowing he can’t make new bonds and just love someone without a reason. He has lost so much and he can’t open his heart in hope of healing the way Kakashi does and that is valid.

Copying Lee’s primary Lotus and calling it by his own created name. Just, delightful. Perfection. Great way to annoy tf out of Lee and amazing to see.

Showing up at the foot of a cliff expecting Kakashi to drop his own training to start training him because he’s ready to go. His determination to get stronger is always admirable.

Threatening to chuck Kakashi’s book, and then Kakashi himself, into the river. My boy he’s awkward but he’s trying to help i swear XD still, i get it. I’d probably do the same XD

Petting his eagle summon while Hashirama is trying to talk to him about facing Madara. I love that he clearly gives zero shits what any of the Hokage’s say (especially Hiruzen) and that he shows it in the way he just… largely ignores them.

Jumping in front of Naruto to take Haku’s attack even though dying means he can’t avenge his clan. Sasuke has had so little to hold onto since his clan’s death but he has bonded with Naruto in such a short time and made him such an important part of his life even when you can tell he doesn’t want to. It’s so sweet and sad at the same time.

The fact that out of all Kakashi’s students he actually took the lesson of teamwork the best! Sasuke doesn’t like Kakashi and he has his reason’s for that, but at the end of the day he understood the assignment Kakashi gave to his students. Sasuke didn’t have to make a whole new team to chase after Itachi, Join the Akatsuki, and kill Danzo with, but he understood that even with his improvements it would be better to have a team around him and he knew just who to pick. The most forgotten of Orochimaru’s experiments. A+ for understanding the assignment and kicking its ass (even if he did fail it a little down the line he STILL did better than Naruto ‘do it all myself’ Uzumaki and Sakura ‘drug my teammates’ Haruno.

[raveneira]

Waaaait if chapter 77 where Naruto got sent away was supposed to parallel chapter 37 then...does that mean the slap was supposed to parallel.... 😬 yikes

I mean I know the dialogue was different but the lead up to it was the same [running his mouth bein disrespectful/ungrateful in their eyes] only difference is Jigen didnt hurt him while he was calm & sitting down, he atleast waited till Kawaki threw the first punch lol

And I know that part happened in chapter 36 but its all the same scene so it still counts.

You can call it a reach if ya want but is it really that different from what happened? I mean the most Jigen did was feed & clothe him, thats about all she did for him as well. And yall say ‘be grateful’ mf she did the bare minimum for the kid bein held hostage by her husband at his house why he gotta be grateful for that? he tried to LEAVE multiple times and her husband and son dragged him back, those are the only two ppl he should be grateful towards who actually did do alot for him.

Her being nice was the bare minimum 😭 Im just sayin was she really all that different from Jigen in terms of their relationship really? its so underdeveloped in the manga that she literally only provided the bare minimum Jigen did but was nice about it & thats it. If the only difference between her and Jigen is that she was nice to him you know theres a serious problem with how their relationships been depicted up till this point because think about it, really think about it and you’ll realize how nonexistent their relationship is outside of feeding and sheltering him, the bare minimum Jigen did.

Its ironic that Jigen was actually the one being realistic and was right, at the end of the day Kawaki didnt matter as much as his sons safety cuz he done said fk the village atp but yea, crazy how Jigen ended up bein the one in the right, still baffles me till this day.

Jigen was right about Kawaki being monitored, it wasnt through the arm tho, but through the cohabitation with Ada, Sasuke called it glorified house arrest and Naruto admitted that was the case. They were monitoring him because they see him as a threat now, an outsider, someone they must keep under their control.

There really is no place for Kawaki at Konoha and he indeed was being used, they used him as bait to make Ada leave Code, used him to keep Ada happy at Konoha because thats what she wanted, literally considering giving Kawaki’s karma to Amado on the slim chance it’ll bring his dead daughter back and says its ‘none of their business’. Remember in chapter 26 Kawaki accused Naruto of using him as bait to lure Kara? ironic how true that ended up being.

Key thing to note here, “What did I do to earn this?” this dialogue is important, because it points out how unfair the situation is and how he’s being manipulated/used for Konoha’s benefit because Shikamaru [and Naruto] knows how much he cares for the village and Naruto.

This is where Jigen is most right, Naruto is a cowardly Hokage just like if not worse than Hiruzen, Naruto doesnt even care about the safety of the village anymore, he only cares about his son.

And whats even sadder is Jigen didnt totally lie when he said hes the only one doing anything truly for his sake, because at the end of the day nothing being done right now is for Kawaki’s sake, but being done TO Kawaki for EVERYONE ELSES sake, Boruto’s especially.

Atleast for Jigen even tho it was really for Isshiki’s own sake, he atleast never tried to hide that his intentions were selfish, he never tried to make Kawaki feel warm or loved or wanted, he was creepy and manipulative since day one and tormented Kawaki relentlessly, but at the end of the day thats honestly better than being given all that warmth, love, kindness etc that Naruto gave him only to betray him and use him in all the ways Jigen said anyway by taking advantage of Kawaki’s attachment now.

Thats actually a worse and more grimey thing to do, its a tactic often used in abusive relationships, they are nice and kind to earn your trust often getting you to marry them and then they show their true colors once they have you locked in, thats essentially what Naruto did to Kawaki.

You can argue that wasnt the intent which ok fine lets say it wasnt, but thats exactly what he ended up doing anyway so intent doesnt matter here, he still proved Jigen right in the end and the sad part is Kawaki STILL sees Naruto in a positive light and wants to protect him, he doesnt even realize how his trust and affection for him has been betrayed and manipulated and thats whats most sad about it.

I dunno if this is ever gonna be addressed because honestly when is anything ever addressed in this sequel? most likely it wont be because they cant have NAruto be seen as the ‘bad guy’ even though they’ve gone out of their way to paint him as just that, but refuse to follow through by calling it out [other than Jigen and Sasuke]

I dunno, its just sad to know the only one who really kept it real with Kawaki, as scummy of a pos Jigen was, he atleast kept it real with him from start to finish, Naruto and his wife didnt.

[chemicalmagecraft]

Foresight is 20/20 Chapter 15

Usagi

"I'm tellin' ya, boss, it was some kinda monster," the now one-armed bandit explained to his leader as another bandit bandaged his bleeding stump. "It did... something to Koji, and he turned into some sorta zombie."

"And did either of those monsters rip off your arm?" the red-haired woman asked impassively. Ah yes, she would do nicely. Her body was compatible enough with my power that I wouldn't have to worry about replacing it for a while and she appeared to be an awful human being, so I wouldn't have any guilt from ending her life. Despite her looks she was probably not an Uzumaki, so I had no reason to worry about that, either. I was currently in the process of extending a light telepathic touch into all the minds present, sorting through their memories to find a way to possess her, as well as stealing what procedural memories of theirs that I found useful.

He shook his head, a fearful look in his eye. Perhaps I was a bit too harsh on him... "No, Koji bit me. I ran, and..." He shuddered. "My arm... it went numb, and the same weird markings that appeared where the... thing... touched Koji started to appear on my arm. I... I didn't risk it."

"Wise," the bandit leader said. He smiled weakly at her.

An then buried one of her knives in his gut. "Don't take any risks," she murmured into his ear as he breathed his last. That poor, sweet fool. Well, not sweet. If there was any word that could describe her less, I had yet to find it from my delving into her or her subordinates' minds. My point, though, is that a zombie is much harder to kill than a normal man. The red markings sprouted from his good arm, and with inhuman speed the freshly-made monster sank its new claws into the man who was bandaging it just moments ago. The woman snarled as the markings spread across both zombies. She managed to decapitate the original, but my second zombie evaded her blade and shambled toward another bandit, which it bit.

Long story short, I let a few of the bandits survive but my small-scale zombie apocalypse led to the deaths of most of the scofflaws.

The leader of what was now considerably fewer bandits slammed her fist on the wall in rage as she surveyed the corpses left behind. "Damn," she growled as they dissolved into red dust. "At least they won't be coming back..."

"You do care, boss!" one of the survivors cheered.

"I don't care one bit about you idiots and if I hadn't just lost most of my men I'd have killed you for that moronic comment," she said coldly. She meant it, too. "We need to recruit, and that means we need more money. Secure the base, we can't leave anyone on guard." If I had a mouth, I'd have smiled. I needed the practice, after all. Their hideout was an abandoned mine, secluded and buried in a mountain. Not to mention the gold stored within, even if I would want to give some back to the villages they were stealing from. And they were leaving it for me. How thoughtful.

kukukuku~

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Neji asked me.

I shrugged and licked my lips. "Not gonna get any better at fighting by going easy," I said.

"Yeah, but you pretty much need your powers to take me down if I activate Furnace." Neji's pseudo-jinchuriki power. We started calling it Furnace because with how unique it was it pretty much deserved a unique name. Technically, his red chakra reserves were abysmal. However, we found out that whenever he exerted himself he could activate it to essentially let himself generate more, though he'd only keep it for so long when not exerting himself.

End result, his power steadily grew the longer he fought. He also gained power each time he hit or was hit. It had a few limitations and placed strain on his body the more he used it, but as far as I knew he could theoretically fight a biju if he built up enough, maybe even Kaguya. That'd probably kill him at the moment, though. And from what it seemed, it was hard for him to use it for more than just brute force. Though that might just have been from how he could only keep it active for small intervals at a time before it started eating away at his health prevented him from training his control over it much...

"And how else am I supposed to change that?" I asked. I got into my stance. "Let's do this before I change my mind."

His eyes turned red, with a white slit pupil because of his Byakugan. "Your funeral..."

A few moments later...

"Owwwww," I groaned. "My... pride..."

"I didn't even get warmed up at all," Neji smugly remarked from where he was sitting on my spine, pinning me. I didn't ask him to get up because I was sucking off the last dregs of his red chakra. For whatever reason I couldn't assimilate Furnace, but I could still steal Neji's red chakra to heal myself and stuff.

"You okay, dude?" I asked.

"As I said, I barely got warmed up. My body is fine." After he activated Furnace for the first time, he'd ended up bedridden for an hour because of the strain it put on his body. When he started to test it, he pretended he was fine even though he kept using it past his limits. He ended up too sick to stand for weeks. It was actually around that time that he managed to figure out natural energy manipulation, probably because he was stuck in bed and bored out of his mind for so long. "I probably should let myself cool down for a bit, but I'm assuming you'll want to fight me without Furnace anyways."

I snorted. "Jerk. And here I was worried about you."

He got up. He had an amused smile. "Let's go another round, then."

kukukuku~

"I'm sore," I complained as we walked through the halls.

"You hit me a few times," Neji dismissed.

"You hit me more..."

"And whose fault was that?" I rolled my eyes and lightly punched him on the shoulder. He sage-flicked me. I was about to retort, but I felt a familiar signature when I opened up my senses, so...

"Is that Ino?" I asked, jerking my head in the direction of the compound's main entrance. I knew this was going to happen for a while. I'd been keeping tabs on her in a totally not creepy way because if it. I was also keeping tabs on Sakura, but that was more to see what the effects of that strange power were on her body. She accidentally ripped a door off its hinges more than once, which would've been pretty hilarious if it weren't for the angst it was giving her...

"That feels like her. I wonder why she's here." He used his Byakugan for a moment. I pulled out a compact mirror I'd made to be compatible with my scrying jutsu and looked at her as well. "Does she have a flower?" She was walking up to the door with a flower in her hand, yes.

I sighed. "I'm not good with flowers, but I'm pretty sure that's a forget-me-not. Pretty sure she's here for me, I'll go deal with her."

Neji insisted on hiding in the background while I greeted Ino, because she wasn't exactly subtle about her childish crush. I really hoped I wouldn't lose her as a friend, though... Just in case, I used my power to try to find the best path forward. I really hoped my life wouldn't become some sort of anti-dating simulator...

I opened the door. "Ino. Why are you here and holding a flower that symbolizes true love?" I'd learned some hanakotoba from her and some other sources, but to be honest I just knew it from looking ahead in the script.

She smiled and held it out to me. "I came to confess my true love to you, Kouki."

I took a deep breath, trying very, very hard not to sigh. "Ino, no offense, I love you like a friend, but we are both four years old and you have no idea what true love is."

That confused her. "But... you saved me?"

Why do romance stories have to be so romanticized?

Don't... don't answer that...

"I'm your friend. Of course I saved you. But I don't love you like that and you don't love me like that because as I just said, we're both children."

She lowered the flower. This was a little harsh, but she needed to hear it. "Oh. Yeah. I guess I look stupid to you now, huh?"

I shrugged. "To be fair, you have a level of wisdom appropriate to our age. It just so happens that being wise as a four-year-old is an outlier."

"What?"

I poked her in the forehead. "You're a kid. You're allowed to be stupid, as long as you're not being too big of a jerk."

She thought about that for a moment. "So... you're not mad at me or anything?"

"You're my friend. Of course not." I smiled. It probably wasn't the best smile, but at least Ino didn't run in terror... "Hey, if you want, I can show you a really cool jutsu."

She nodded. "Sure!" As I walked past, I gave Neji a smug grin when I saw his jaw on the floor. I'm sure he was expecting some kind of awkwardness.

To be fair, so was I.

kukukuku~

Chikage

Sarutobi Hiruzen sighed as he returned to his room after a long day of paperwork. Even with a shadow clone, it was just so slow. Seriously, I was so bored, and I was just watching over his shoulder! I can't even imagine having to do paperwork... He closed the door, locking it. "You're here, aren't you, Kouki?" Half right. Eh, I'll give it to him.

His shadow moved to be in front of him. "How perceptive of you," my voice seemed to come from the shadow. I couldn't exactly speak when my body was literally flat against the wall, but I could very much trick people's brains into thinking I could. My arm peeled off of the floor, keeping its pitch coloration. I raised my other arm, then used them to "pull" myself off of the floor, still in the form of a shadowy Hokage. I did a few stretches. "Man, staying in one shadow for hours kills my back, apparently. I don't even know how that works, considering the fact that I don't even have a form as a shadow..." I changed back to my humanoid form and licked my lips.

"I know that Kouki is responsible in some way, but what are you?" he asked me.

"Rude," I said, faux-offended. "You don't hear me asking you humans what you are. Though to be fair I already know."

He frowned. "You're like Kouki, but not quite. Who are you, then?"

"Did I really never tell you about me?" I paused and thought for a moment. "Or would it be better to ask if we never told you about me... I'm still not sure how pronouns work with our unique situation..."

"What, exactly, is the answer to my question?"

I shrugged. "I'm Kouki and Kouki is me. We're two halves of the same whole, at the moment."

"What are you..." He frowned and closed his eyes. "Red chakra?" he said when he opened them.

I nodded. "I've been purified of almost all of my humanity, the same as how Kouki's removed most of the red chakra from her- himself for the moment. He's weaker, I'm stronger, and because we're two separate entities we have independent thoughts and can be in two places at once, as you can tell. Sorta like a weird shadow clone, I guess. And we can recombine at any time." I sat down in midair. "Call me Chikage."

"I suppose that that makes sense... That sounds like a useful jutsu. Though why are you a girl?"

I examined my clawlike black nails. "Why not?"

"And I suppose that's also why you're wearing a frilly dress?"

"It's called gothic lolita, and the best thing about being made of chakra is the fact that I can more or less freely shapeshift. Now, sit down." I gestured behind him, where I'd pulled up a chair without him noticing. I also made an illusion that made both his chair and the air I was sitting on look like identical, ornate seats. "We have business to attend to."

"The Uchiha massacre, I assume?" I nodded. A table with a deck of fancy-looking cards "appeared" in between us. I really love genjutsu.

"In one year today Itachi will be forced to kill his entire clan, with the exception of his brother." I picked up the top card from the deck and flipped it over. The Tower. "And obviously we would prefer this not to happen." I reversed the position of the Tower. "But of course, there is a problem." I flipped over the next card, Judgement.

He sighed. It seemed he got my message. "The public is being turned turned against the Uchiha, which is in turn turning the Uchiha against the public. Until we stop that all we can do is delay the massacre..." I revealed the third card, The Devil, with Danzo as its subject. "Yes. Even though we haven't tipped our hands yet and he hopefully doesn't suspect us, Danzo is still fighting us."

"There are two paths that you can take to deal with him." I reversed the position of the Devil, causing the illustration's face to soften. "First, you could make him see the light, show him how much he's tearing the village apart to 'protect' it. Maybe you can do it because you used to be friends or something, but to be honest I doubt it, which leaves the second option." A black flame sparked from my finger, setting the Devil card ablaze. It disappeared without a trace. "Either way, he needs to be neutralized. I take it he's good at covering his tracks, considering the fact that he's made an attempt on your life without retaliation?"

He nodded solemnly. "Of course. And I take it he'd use it as evidence of my 'senility' if I attempted to pin him on it without enough evidence?"

"My eyes don't show it, meaning there's no possibility of us attempting it. Probably, though." I cocked my head. "If I were to, I don't know, figure out a way to take other objects with me when I shadow travel and use that to steal all kinds of incriminating evidence, would that work?"

He nodded. "That would work. I'll proceed assuming you don't, with how that was a hypothetical, though."

I sighed. "Yeah, that's about right. If we fail, though, I have one last idea." I revealed The Hanged Man, reversed, with Uchiha Shisui modeling for mister four-legs. "If we stop Danzo's attack on Shisui, then he can use Kotoamatsukami on the Uchiha. It's not ideal, but hopefully it'll work."

"Yes, that sounds good. Unless there's anything else, you may leave."

I faded into the shadows, taking my illusions with me.

kukukuku~

Usagi

"Alright everyone!" one of the bandits shouted, waving a weapon. "You know the drill by now, your money is ours! Give it up easily and we won't kill you!" The townspeople were afraid, but they'd clearly been through this before.

"Will you really?" I asked, walking into the village. "You may find some trouble with that."

"Who are you?" the leader asked me.

"You would already know," I said as I strolled across the road to her, "had you not murdered my puppet."

"Ah, so you're the monster he talked about." She sneered at me and drew her daggers. "You killed my men."

"I did nothing of the sort," I retaliated. "I mutated them, controlled them. You were the ones who killed them."

"All the same, you'll die."

"To be honest I am not entirely sure I can die." I slowly removed my gloves from my hands and placed them in the bag under my cloak.

"I'll test it for you, then."

"You may be able to destroy this body, but my essence has already soaked your hideout. I believe I should be able to resurrect myself there, as it were."

The woman smiled a sadistic smile. "I'm fine killing you over and over again until it sticks." She lunged at me, daggers flashing. I yanked back my sleeve and used my bare arm to block. I wasn't going to be needing my arm much longer, but I wanted to preserve the cloak. Her daggers sank into the stone of my arm, as I had made it softer. I wanted the knives as well. I capitalized on the bandit leader's momentary confusion to take off my mask and jam it onto her face. The last thing she saw before her life ended was a glowing red pearl on the backside of the mask.

I retrieved my new knives from my old arm, then took my cloak for my new body. Luckily, my new body wasn't too much larger than my old one, so the cloak still fit well enough. Along with the cloak, I'd palmed the other blood pearl (the extra-compressed pearl-shaped demon gems I was using for my Usagi persona) from my old body, causing it to crumble back into dirt within moments of me putting the cloak back on. I took my bag from the dirt and shook it off.

"Boss?" one of the bandits asked. "You okay?"

I slowly reached up to my mask and grasped the bottom. It cracked at the mouth such that the entire bottom was smoothly removed. I stored the bottom back in my bag, though, just in case I should come to need it. With my new mouth and the bottom of my nose uncovered, I took a deep breath, as if my first in a century. "No, I do not believe she is," I said. "For one, her mind and soul have been wiped from this body."

"What the hell even are you!?" one of the bandits asked.

"To be perfectly honest I'm not quite sure. I do know one thing, though." With an organic body, I no longer had problems with agility. And in particular, this new body was trained for rapid movement. As such, the two bandits nearest me were bisected in a flash with red-glowing knives, as if a hot knife through butter. Their bodies dissolved into the same red dust that the other bandits' corpses had. "You are dead. Now, are the rest of you willing to fight, or will you run in terror?" They ran in terror. Wise.

"Who are you?" a villager cautiously asked me a few minutes after I sheathed my knives. The villagers were understandably quite afraid of me.

"My name is Usagi." With the bandits gone, I'd switched to a small, personable smile. "If you wait, I should be able to bring you the money those bandits took from you."

The villager bowed to me. "Thank you so much."

[hypnotixstorm]

Which characters are your fav ones in Naruto and which do you not like?

Okay thank you for asking this! I’ll tell you why I love/hate the characters too 👀

Also disclaimer: This is long as FUCK which I apologize about. I got a bit too into this I think lmao. You probs don’t even care why I like/dislike these characters :’))))

BUT 

Because this is so long it’ll all be under the cut :)

F A V E S

Kakashi

He’s the entire reason I got into Naruto in the first place. I loved the intrigue/mystery surrounding his mask and I won’t lie, I think he’s really hot lmao B UT I can also relate a lot to his backstory in the sense that we’ve both had a really rough life!

Deidara

Dude Deidara is the best! Yes he’s hot okay, most of my faves are for this reason BUT I also love his personality! He feels so human and well thought out, even if he is a villain who we don’t really see all that long. He’s fun and energetic, plus I love art too!

Let’s be real tho, I literally love the entire akatsuki. They’re like my fave villain group of all time. I want an akatsuki cloud tattoo okay 😩

Genma

Okay okay okay I know this is weird and random but hear me out. I love this character, sm. I love his design, his personality, his voice, just, everything about him? I know he’s a minor character we very rarely see but idk I’m just so drawn to him 🥺

Itachi

hhhhnnnnNNGHHHHHH I love this man I s2g 🥺 like, he’s so pretty??? Eyelashes for days??? And long silky hair???? It’s mostly an aesthetic thing, but I do really like his backstory. I think he deserved so much better too!

D I S L I K E

Orochimaru

I feel like most people either love or hate him. Nobody ever is just like “he’s okay”. At least, no one I’ve ever met. Personally, he’s creepy as hell and I just *shudders* I just really don’t like him lmao

Sasuke

I can feel the hate I’m gonna get from this but oh well. Sasuke to me is very... overrated, which is weird considering I love his brother/emo boys lmao. But Sasuke just feels ridiculous at times. I also don’t like how he went crazy, psycho, murderer and then was just accepted back with open arms, for the most part anyways. I didn’t watch Naruto until I was 17 so that may also have something to do with it but? Idk, just really dislike him 🙃

Hiruzen Sarutobi (Third Hokage)

Okay. So. I really actually hate him lmao. I always see people ranting and raving about what an amazing hokage he was. Ummmmmm excuse me? He was awful! He promised to take care of Naruto, love him and treat him like his own but he actually didn’t? He never payed any attention to him and shoved him into some shitty ass apartments on his own? Plus the WHOLE VILLAGE bullied Naruto and he did nothing to stop it? Yeah, he’s awful. I understand he’s not biologically related to Naruto and all, but he still made that promise to Minato/Kushina and should’ve respected it. Yes, he could’ve just left him on the streets which is worse, but there was so much more he could have done FOR Naruto. I also understand he barely payed attention to his own grandson but still. You get the point. I don’t think he did anything right by those kids. I also think he’s to blame for the Uchiha massacre. Like, he knew what they were doing and went “ya know what itachi, why don’t you go kill them all and then fuck off even tho we know about this bc fuck you????” He knew about the Uchihas plans for YEARS and then with Danzo-

L O V E / H A T E

I know you didn’t ask for this but I have to talk about this one person

Sakura

Alrighty. This one is gonna be long like the Third Hokage’s. So I have moments where I both love and hate Sakura. I really do want her to be my favorite characters, but it’s really fucking hard. Honestly she’s probably my fave female character besides Temari, who was turned into a useless housewife, and Tsunade who is actually a /decent/ female character, post-Naruto fucking knocking some god damn sense into her. So really, I guess that makes her my fave female of the Konoha 12? Idk. A N Y W A Y S. Most of the women are done poorly, but Kishimoto has admitted to not being able to write them well so, it’s more understandable

Anyways. I’ll start out with why I dislike her

I HATE what she did to Naruto. It was seriously fucked up of her to use his feelings for her against him and just- Ugh, that shit really grinds my gears and pisses me off because I’ve been in Naruto’s shoes before in a situation like that with someone. I also hated how she STILL pined over Sasuke and ENDED UP WITH HIM???? Honestly, I don’t think Sasuke should have gotten with anyone and that’s because he does not seem emotionally ready/available to be in a (healthy) relationship, NOT because I don’t like him and I think he doesn’t deserve happiness. But anyways, I digress. I know that looks aren’t the most important things buuuuuut Studio Pierrot really made her look bad. Not only does she look more badass in the manga, but she actually has decent sex appeal. The only reason I bring that up specifically is because a LOT of people like to compare her to Ino and Hinata and make fun of her flat chest. I feel like it’s also worth mentioning, that anytime Sasuke was around or even mentioned, she turned into a babbling idiot, which is probably her biggest downfall to me

Now, on to why I like her

Sakura is the strongest NORMAL person in the world of Naruto, whether you want to believe it or not. Naruto and Sasuke are literal GODS. Even if they are reincarnations, they’re still gods. Of course Sakura is going to be useless compared to them. BUT compare her to other characters and she’s def stronger than them. She has surpassed her teacher, Tsunade, who was one of the Legendary Sannin. She’s also much stronger than Kakashi, who was a child prodigy and jonin at the age of thirteen. She also was also able to nearly go toe-to-toe with a member of the Akatsuki. I know she had help from Lady Chiyo, but she still did well, all things considered. Deidara has also stated previously that Sasori was stronger than him, so with that in consideration, she would have probably been able to beat him on her own and possibly several other members of the Akatsuki

[depressedkakashihatake]

Let's face it Kakashi was probably the most efficient hokage. Hashirama was…you know. Tobirama had experiments and a genin team to fill up his time and probably had lengthy internal debates with himself about what he should do. Hiruzen…just no. Minato died. Tsunade fucking hated paperwork. And we know how Naruto dealt with it too.

Got all the paperwork done

Improved Konoha and made it the most prosperous econimic village in the five nations

Allowed Sakura to start up hospitals to help children with PTSD/other mental illness' (he could have said no and had her focus on other things but he ain't that stupid)

Ya, Kalashi really did swoop in and say 'fuck this. We got some shit to fix' cuz if he HAS to do the job he's damn well going to do it right XD

Worst Hokage in history my ASS

[tsarisfanfiction]

Uboku Koroshi-ya

Fandom: Naruto Rating: Teen Genre: Family/Tragedy Characters: Mikoto, Itachi

It's the night Itachi's supposed to kill the clan, but he's ill in bed and unable to move. Will the coup d'état go on as planned or will someone else step up to stop it?

Itachi lay on his bed, deep in the thrall of a fever. Mikoto sat by him, watching as he internally panicked about something. She'd sent Sasuke to go get some cloths and water and the young boy had leaped to obey in an instant, worried for his ill brother.

"…mission…" Itachi mumbled, almost incoherently. Mikoto frowned. She had her suspicions as to what this mission that he seemed so insistent on completing was, and he was in no state to do so. Fugaku was twitchy. The coup d'état was scheduled for tomorrow evening and Itachi was to play a major part in keeping the ANBU out of the way. Except he wouldn't, if this mission went ahead. Mikoto didn't want to revolt; she was happy with her lot in the village – she'd had a good career and an even better retirement, funded by Konoha – and felt that she owed it to both her best friend and her old teammate to keep it safe in their absence. She'd failed their son, she couldn't fail their village as well.

She reached a decision. Resting a hand on her feverish son's forehead, she channelled her medical ninjutsu into him so that she could talk to him. Sasuke would be a little while yet, and Fugaku was at another meeting about the upcoming coup. Itachi's clouded eyes looked up at her as they cleared.

"What's your mission?" she asked gently.

"Secret," he replied weakly. She sighed and fixed him with a stare, enhanced by her kekkei genkai as she took them into a genjutsu-induced world where they could talk privately. Itachi tried to break it but, as she suspected, he was too weak to do so.

"You have to kill the clan." It wasn't a question. "The Hokage knows about the coup and you've been tasked with stopping it." Usually so good at masking emotion, Itachi's eyes betrayed his shock.

"How-"

"You've been distancing yourself from us recently, trying to make it easier for yourself," Mikoto observed. "Whenever you do look at us there's sorrow in your eyes. You don't want this. You don't want another war, and the only way to stop it is to eliminate us." Her son surrendered.

"You're right," he said. "But in this state… I'm out of time. There's no-one else who can do it but right now I can't…" Silent tears rolled down his cheeks. Mikoto ended the genjutsu as she felt Sasuke re-enter the room.

"Nii-san?" her youngest asked.

"Sas… uke…" Itachi replied weakly.

"Look after your brother, Sasuke," Mikoto instructed. "I'll be back shortly." Sasuke nodded, solemn with the responsibility, and she left the room, all too conscious of Itachi's stare on her back. The coup had to be stopped. If Itachi wasn't fit, then…

"Hokage-sama," she said, entering the office unannounced. Danzo, Homura and Koharu were with the Sandaime.

"Yes, Mikoto-san?" Hiruzen asked. "What is it?" The others bristled but said nothing.

"Itachi's ill," she reported. "He's not fit to complete tonight's mission." Danzo froze at her words.

"What do you know of your son's mission?" he asked suspiciously, confirming her theory that the four of them were all in the know.

"I'm his mother. If I couldn't tell when something was bothering him, what sort of mother would I be? It was easy to work out," she pointed out.

"Why are you reporting this?" Koharu asked curiously. "Surely this works in the favour of the Uchiha?"

"It does," Mikoto acknowledged. "But, like Itachi, I disagree with the coup. Kushina and Minato were close friends of mine and I want to protect the village they gave their lives for."

"What are you saying?" Homura asked. "It sounds like-"

"I will complete Itachi's mission," Mikoto interrupted. The older ninja all looked shocked. "But I have conditions."

"I'll hear them," Hiruzen said before the others could speak up.

"I will spare every child in the clan that doesn't know of the plans for the coup, and Itachi. They are innocent and Konoha cannot afford to lose the Sharingan completely."

"Impossible," Danzo spat. "They will grow up to form another coup later and at that time we will not have ninja powerful enough to subdue them."

"Mikoto is right," Hiruzen overrode him. "We cannot punish the children for the actions of their parents if they have no knowledge. However, Mikoto, you are aware that if you do this you'll become a missing-nin, or have to commit suicide." The Uchiha matriarch nodded.

"Hide my involvement. I'll make it seem as if we were attacked by an outside influence, and that I pursued them to defend the children. Besides, only a very few know of my capabilities. The village won't believe that I could do it, anyway," she reasoned. "You will look after the children? Itachi will be able to look after Sasuke, but he won't be able to cope with all the other children, particularly the really young ones."

"I'll ask for volunteers to foster them among young parents," Hiruzen nodded. "In the worst case, they'll be placed in the care of the orphanage."

"You cannot be agreeing!" Danzo said. "They'll revolt and-"

"Not if they are treated with kindness and brought up to love the village, they will not," Hiruzen said firmly. "Mikoto is correct in that Konoha cannot afford to lose the Sharingan clan. Itachi is loyal to us and he will pass that loyalty down to the other children, providing that they do not suspect that the village is behind the deaths of their families." He turned to Mikoto. "Uchiha Mikoto, I hereby declare you out of retirement and give you an S-ranked mission. Kill all members of the Uchiha Clan that are involved in, or aware of, the planned coup d'état aside from Uchiha Itachi in a way that absolves the village of any guilt."

"Hai!" She bowed her head and turned to leave, before glancing back at the elders. "I know a lot about the village, things that other villages would love to get their hands on. Protect all the children and do not let them find out the truth. I will know." She left, the thinly veiled threat hanging in the air.

"I don't like this," Danzo said. "How can we trust her?"

"We can't," Hiruzen admitted. "But with Itachi out of action she's our only hope."

Mikoto sped back to her house, careful to avoid notice. It was good that while officially retired, she had secretly kept her skills sharp. She'd need every ounce of it in order to take down her clan. All she had to do was wait the hour or so until nightfall before commencing the mission.

"Where did you go, Kaa-san?" Sasuke asked curiously as she entered, having grabbed herbs from her garden on the way up. She showed him the plants.

"To find something to help bring your brother's fever down," she said, smiling at him and ignoring Itachi's subtle look of suspicion as she applied the herbs. "Can you keep an eye on him while I prepare tea?"

"No problem!" Sasuke said immediately.

"Kaa-san…" Itachi said.

"You just focus on getting better," Mikoto told him, walking out the room. She had an hour in which to get her boys asleep and prepare for the worst mission of her life. First of all was feeding her sons. That was easy – she did it every day, after all. It took her a matter of minutes to prepare a light meal for her sons, which she carried up to Itachi's room. Sasuke fell to it with gusto while Itachi picked at his, not up to eating much.

"It's getting dark out," Mikoto commented idly. "Perhaps you two should settle down for the night?"

"I don't wanna leave Nii-san!" Sasuke pouted. She pretended to think for a moment.

"Hmm. If you're good, maybe Itachi will let you sleep in here tonight to keep him company?" she suggested. Sasuke immediately turned to his older brother, who nodded. "Go on, then. Go get ready for bed," she encouraged. He ran from the room to get changed.

"Kaa-san," Itachi said once Sasuke was out of earshot. "What are you planning? You never let us sleep in the same room if one of us is ill."

"Someone's got to stop the coup," she said quietly. "And you're in no state to do so." His eyes widened in realisation. "Look after Sasuke for me."

"No! You can't-"

"When I'm done, I'm going to leave the village. Hopefully I'll make it seem like it was outside influence, and that I left to chase them down and protect you two. I'll be declared either MIA or KIA, at Sandaime's digression," she informed him gently.

"They won't let me live," Itachi said. "I'm a threat." Mikoto smirked, a sight Itachi was not used to.

"So am I. I've made it clear that if anything happens to anyone I leave alive, information about Konoha will find its way to enemy ears. They can't kill you and not destroy the village. You and Sasuke will be safe." The pattering of little feet could be heard as Sasuke reappeared. Mikoto smiled at him, before performing her usual motherly checks. "Teeth? Face? Hands?" All were spotless and she allowed him to curl up next to Itachi.

"Goodnight, boys," she said gently, resting a hand on Sasuke's forehead. An almost invisible glow enveloped her hand and her youngest fell asleep immediately. Itachi immediately turned wary. "And you, Itachi," she said.

"You don't need to-" he started, too weak to fight her off as her Chakra-infused hand rested on his forehead, too. Within moments he too was asleep.

"Yes, I do," she murmured, channelling more Chakra as she cured his illness. Unnecessary perhaps, but it was the last time she'd be able to do it. "I love you both." She kissed both their foreheads gently before tearing herself away from them and leaving the room, closing the door behind her. They wouldn't wake for twelve hours – plenty of time for her to finish her mission, report and leave the village for good. Digging out her headband from where it lay in her drawers and once more securing it around her head, she felt a sense of nostalgia, enhanced when she opened the secret compartment and withdrew her mask – the mask of Uboku Koroshi-ya, her old alias of an un-allianced kunoichi that she'd used for S-rank assassinations that only the Hokage and his closest confidants knew about – securing it over her face. Gathering her weapons from similar compartments around the house and changing into the feared outfit of her alias, she finally felt ready for her task. Uboku Koroshi-ya was a well-known, feared kunoichi capable of sneaking into the most highly secure areas without leaving a trace and her kills were always silent. This would be no different, despite her attachment to her latest targets. She heard Fugaku enter the house and slipped out of the window. He had to be last for the deception to work. He was calling for her, but she didn't answer. She heard him find their sons, and his confusion when he couldn't rouse either of them.

"MIKOTO!"

That was her cue to leave. Not even her husband knew of her other persona, but there was no doubt from his tone that he knew she was the one that had put their sons to sleep. Other Uchiha had been roused by the cry and were heading towards the main house. Let them. She had to start from the outskirts, leaving a clear path of entry in terms of order of kills. She chose the obvious spot to do so – furthest from the majority of the village and the slight weak point in the walls. Those of her clan that stood guard there were first to die as her senbon pierced their vital organs, all at once. Despite her personal attachments, she felt a thrill at being back out in the field again, doing what she did best, as she removed her weapons. It was a well-known tactic of Uboku Koroshi-ya to retrieve her weapons as soon as possible after a kill. Sharingan activated behind the mask, she identified where people were and weren't in their houses. Any adult she came across died, holes where the senbon had been extracted post-mortem the only clues to her identity. Flitting into a house – she refused to allow herself to recall who lived where – she killed the woman in the kitchen and the man in the bedroom before approaching their young child, who looked up at her with fearful eyes. Quick as a snake, her hand rested on his forehead and sent him to sleep the same way she had her sons. Yes, she would spare innocents, but they still had to be subdued to prevent an alarm being raised. Luckily, Uboku Koroshi-ya was known for not killing children.

She killed with brutal efficiency – from the shadows where no Sharingan were looking – and soon all that were left were those that had flocked to her house at Fugaku's cry. She chose to forgo subtlety as there were no innocents among them. Her senbon flew true and they all fell, leaving her to face off against her shocked husband.

"Uboku Koroshi-ya," he said in fear as he activated his Sharingan. "Where's my wife?" He was the ringleader. He deserved to know who had slaughtered the entire clan without anyone realising just to protect the rest of the village.

"Allying herself with those that would protect Konoha," she spoke. Recognition dawned.

"Mikoto? You're Uboku Koroshi-ya?" he exclaimed. She nodded slightly.

"And you're her next victim." She knew Fugaku – had fought alongside him on many occasions – and so was confident that she could beat him, even if he hurt her. Then again, she was banking on it. Uboku Koroshi-ya's retreat had to seem genuine – Itachi was the age of some of her other victims so his survival would raise suspicions.

"Why?" he asked as she attacked furiously, holding his own against her own blade. For now.

"To save the children, and my friends' memories," she replied. He gave a wry smile as he managed to nick her arm and she jumped back.

"As kind-hearted as ever. This was Itachi's mission, wasn't it? I always knew he was too gentle to condone the coup."

"Itachi loves this village, as do I. I won't let him throw his career away because of his foolish parents," Mikoto declared. "This is the only way for me to atone for not trying to stop you earlier." She let him hit her a few more times and he grew bolder. His confidence had been increased when he realised who she was – he thought he knew her fighting style. But Uchiha Mikoto and Uboku Koroshi-ya fought differently. It was the basic mechanism to avoid her identity being compromised. Satisfied that enough of her blood had been spilled, she turned serious and unleased her full Sharingan. Within moments of her activating Tsukuyomi (real time) Fugaku was on the ground, disarmed and unable to move.

"Thank you," she said. "Your defence of our sons will convince people that I fought alongside you against our enemy. Sasuke will be convinced of his parents' innocence in all things, and be able to lead a proper life." She lifted her mask just enough for Fugaku, lying beneath her, to see her face, complete with advanced Sharingan, as she killed him. Cold he might have seemed, but he loved their sons and had proved it in his last hour and for that he deserved a better death than at the hands of his own wife. He'd been the man she married, not the mask that led the clan and it relieved her that he'd still been there. But she couldn't linger. Casting one last glance up at the window where her sons slept peacefully, she let a single tear roll down her cheek for her lost life before fleeing the compound, making it appear as if she was being chased out by someone – her other self, the one everyone knew. She had everything she needed – the weapons she'd collected from all her victims aside from those she hadn't had time to, due to 'pursuit' – and it was time to carve out a life as a criminal. Perhaps it was time for Uboku Koroshi-ya to become a reality and for Uchiha Mikoto to become the lesser personality. After all, she was supposed to be MIA so she could no longer be herself.

The massacre would be discovered in the morning. She had to put enough distance between herself and the village by then. A quick slash of the symbol on her headband to mark her new status, she replaced her mask – her new face – and headed away from the village. She didn't look back.

[majesty-madness]

Kakashi’s Family: Book 2 (Kakashi’s fate)

2-Finding Out

Kana laid awake in her bed, the morning shined through the closed blinds of the window. She looked over seeing Kakashi was still asleep, she smiled whenever Kakashi was asleep, Kana thought he looked so peaceful and cute. Kana pushed herself closer toward Kakashi, slowly so that he wouldn't wake up. Carefully she then reached her arms around him and pulled him into a gentle hug "I love you" she whispered giving him a soft kiss on his head.

Then she felt his arms wrap tightly around her waist, keeping her from moving "I love you too" Kakashi voice was low but soft at the same time. "Oh good morning, Kakashi" Kana smiled nervously afraid that she might have woken him up. "Morning, Kana" he pulled her closer as he rested his head on her chest, "Kana?". Kana looked down to him "Yeah?". Kakashi quickly then flipped Kana on her back while he got on top of her, his strong arms kept him hovering over Kana's body. Kana felt her cheeks start to burn with her heart skipping a beat or two. Kakashi's dark eyes stared into her blue orbs, slowly he leaned down to her ear inching his lips closer. Kana's heart was beating so fast that she could hear it in the silence. "You woke me up...." he whispered leaning his head on her shoulder then chuckled at Kana's reaction. Kana sighed annoyed "Don't do that" she was a little mad that he teased her like that, she tried to push him off but he was stronger. He lifted his head up and smiled at her, she couldn't help but smile and laugh at his teasing. He finally rolled back to his side of the bed, getting comfortable. "Come on Kakashi. You can't sleep all day" Kana shook his shoulder to get him up. "I know, I'm coming" he groaned as he lazily got out of bed and was pulled into the dining room by Kana. "I'm gonna make breakfast" Kana quickly made her way to the kitchen and started making breakfast. Kakashi yawned, then looked toward Kana. He thought about the night before when they had dinner with Kana's parents "Hey Kana?" he asked casually as Kana was busy cooking. She looked up to him "What is it?" she responded. "Do you think your father will always hold a grudge against me?" he asked almost out of nowhere. Kana looked surprised with the question the gave a nervous smile.

"I'm not actually sure, but you've seen he gets angry easily. Not to mention he has almost no patience" she gave a little giggle thinking how funny it was when he got mad the other night.

"Yeah" he said nearly to himself. He then looked to the clock, realizing that he had to get work. He stood from his chair and quickly headed to his room to get dressed.

When Kana came out of the kitchen, she's seen Kakashi wasn't in the dining room "Kakashi?" she called out waiting for him to respond.

He rushed out of his room completely dressed and ready to go "Kana I'm sorry but I can't have breakfast with you this morning. Lord Hiruzen wanted me to look over some things today and I forgot about it so I'm gonna be a little late" he gave her a tight hug then a peck on the lips "I'll try to be back as soon as I can okay?" he said giving Kana another hug.

"O-okay" she hugged him back. "I love you, I 'll see ya later" he said then walked toward the door, and waved good bye before leaving. Kana stood there for a moment "I love you too". She was a little upset that she couldn't see Kakashi at the moment but he said he would be back later so it was something nice to look forward to.

Kana had actually waited at home for three in a half hours for but that wasn't settling, considering she was bored the entire time but it's not like she was sitting on her butt the whole time. She did the usual stuff like read, or clean the dishes stuff like that but that stuff really got on her nerves since she was waiting for Kakashi. She remembered that she had other stuff that she needed to do like going to the store for food. So she left the house quickly heading to the store. Kana liked walking, she just liked getting the fresh air instead of being inside all day and today was her day off so she definitely didn't want to be bored.

She walked in the small store and headed to the food section just to get groceries. Of course Kana didn't actually count going to the store as fun, since it was technically a chore not something fun. When Kana had the time, her mother would always make her come but her mother would always take what felt like a hundred years, stuck in someplace so small. But again it was something was needed to be done.

When Kana finished gathering her groceries, she started walking up to the front to pay but a certain product caught her attention. It was pregnancy tests. She turned her head staring at the small product "Should I?" she whispered to herself while she kept staring. Of course her and Kakashi were careful but the last time she wasn't sure on that, she had a feeling that maybe something went wrong. The more she kept staring, the more nerve racking it became. 'Could I actually be pregnant? What am I going to do if I am?' her thoughts were running crazy, the suspense was killing her. Now she had to know, if she was pregnant or not. Kana grabbed one small box of the pregnancy test of headed to the front with the rest of the things. She of course paid for it all but she walked home at a fast pace, wanting to get home as soon as she could. She NEEDED to know, there was no way she was going back on that idea.

After what seemed forever, she made it home and rushed to the bathroom to check with the pregnancy test in hand. She quickly sat on the toilet to go to the bathroom. She quickly finished holding up the small white stick in front of her, nothing had shown up yet. She picked up the box that said she had to wait a few minutes before anything would show up so then after the limited number of minutes she had to wait were over she then looked at the test. Kana stood in shock at what she was seeing, she held the pregnancy test in her hand and it read positive. She was now pregnant, she couldn't believe it, and how was she going to tell Kakashi.

She threw the pregnancy test in the trash and rushed to the living room walking, pacing back and forth, "When should I tell him? How should I tell him?" she asked aloud to herself since no one else was in the room. Then the front door of her house opened and Kakashi came through the door and looked happy to be coming back home "Hey Kana, sorry I took so long but there was a lot of stuff to look over" he smiled walking over to her.

She avoided his gaze and was messing the ends of her hair "Um Kakashi, actually there's something we need to talk about".

Kakashi looked confused but was willing to listen to what she had to say "What's wrong?" he looked a little worried.

She forced herself to look him straight in the eyes "Well I found out only a few seconds ago but Kakashi I'm.......I'm........I'm pregnant, you're going to be a father" her cheeks were a bright pink and saw his cheeks go the same color.

He stood there with wide eyes "I-I'm gonna be a father" he smiled then hugged Kana tightly "Thank you so much Kana, I love you" he exclaimed holding her close.

She hugged him back just as tightly "I love you to Kakashi, I'm glad we finally get to be parents" she smiled. He nodded "Me too Kana"

[jouissezduprintemps]

Happy Birthday, Jiraiya!

Rating: T Warnings: Swearing Words: 226 Fandom: Naruto Summary: It’s Jiraiya’s 23rd birthday, and the sannin have a bigger adventure than they had planned.

Tendrils of smoke hung lazily in the air, creating a haze around the dim, artificial lights suspended from the ceiling. The bar itself was large enough for a few scattered tables and a single line of stools, which sat flush against the L-shaped counter. At the far end sat three shinobi. They were well into their sake; several bottles sat empty in front of the white-haired man and blonde woman. Far fewer sat before the black-haired man, who seemed to be nursing his cup.

The bell above the door rang, but the trio paid no mind to their newest companions. The woman, who sat between the two men, knocked back her cup and sighed. The white-haired man laughed. “Take it easy, Tsunade.” His actions contrasted his words when he poured more alcohol into her cup.

“You’re being hypocritical, aren’t you, Jiraiya?” The black-haired man’s lips curled into a smirk as he looked at his companion.

“Come on, Orochimaru. It’s my birthday. Let me do what I want.”

“Twenty-three going on seven,” Tsunade quipped, mocking his childish indignance.

“Hey, Bartender! One more on the tab!” Jiraiya held a finger in the air to emphasize his request.

“You know, just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean I’ll be paying your bill,” Orochimaru warned, studying his teammate’s face, which was already tinged red from the alcohol.

Jiraiya huffed in response. “You know, it wouldn’t kill you to have a little fun.”

“With the way you two drink, it’s amazing that you haven’t killed more than your wallets.”

“Oh, get a room,” Tsunade sneered, silencing her teammates, if only temporarily.

Jiraiya burst into a drunken fit of laughter, and Orochimaru gave an amused smile. On nights like these, anything could be forgiven if they were given a few seconds. For ten years, the three of them fought side-by-side for the sake of the village. Yet nothing bonded them together like a long night of drinking. By all rights, their sensei should have come with them, but he was tied up with his duties as Hokage.

Orochimaru poured the last drop of sake from his bottle into his cup, which he polished off in a single sip. “That’s it for me,” he declared, stepping down from his seat at the bar.

“What?!” Jiraiya demanded. “You can’t bail on us like that. Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“At home, in bed, as it should be. Unlike you two, I have to be in the lab tomorrow morning. I can’t afford a hangover.”

“Let him go, Jiraiya.” Tsunade waved her hand dismissively. “If he makes a mistake in one of his research reports, we’ll never hear the end of it.”

“An error like that-” Orochimaru cut himself off, reminding himself that they were both too far gone to try to reason with them. “Remember, we’re meeting with Hiruzen-sensei tomorrow afternoon to train. Try not to be too hungover, will you?”

“No promises,” Jiraiya chortled as his teammate exited the bar.

The pair continued to place orders, and the bartender was more than willing to see their bill increase. The three, newly-dubbed sannin were always good for their tab once they sobered up; intoxicated, they seemed to forget that their drinks cost them money.

Jiraiya noticed that Tsunade was being watched by a man, about their age, on the other end of the bar. He narrowed his eyes, but the man seemed not to notice. Tsunade was clearly aware of the situation, but she paid him no mind.

“Just leave it be,” she warned her partner. She didn’t need him going on the defensive. He could be embarrassing enough without trying to start a fight with some creep who was leering at her.

He did as he was told, turning his attention back to Tsunade. She listened attentively as he relayed yet another story about his disciples. “I wish you could have seen Yahiko’s face!” he exclaimed, almost in tears at the memory.

Tsunade laughed along with him. As much as she knew he missed them, she was happy to have him back in the village. It was selfish, but they were finally in an unsteady peace. The three of them could start to live their lives off the battlefield.

Her demeanor changed sharply when the man from the other side of the bar approached them, an inebriated smile on his face. He slipped around to Tsunade’s side, taking the opening Orochimaru had left. “Hey, cutie,” he crooned in a way that made the hair on Tsunade’s neck stand on end. “What’d’ya say you come home with me tonight?”

Tsunade ignored the comment, turning her back to the man. Jiraiya glared at him over her head, warning him to back off.

He didn’t seem to get the message. In a bold move, he snaked an arm around Tsunade’s waist. “C’mon, babe, I’m talking to ‘ya.”

Jiraiya placed a hand on the bar with the intention of standing up in a threatening manner. Before he had the chance to move, Tsunade had twisted around on her stool, connecting his face with her fist. The man was knocked off his feet, and he was sent flying across the bar. His back slammed into a table, overturning it. The glasses on top crashed to the ground, shattering on impact. The man groaned and made a move to get up.

Tsunade was on him in an instant, beating him within an inch of his life and shouting a colorful array of profanity. As much as he wanted to let Tsunade kill the man, Jiraiya did the ethical thing and stepped in. He wrapped his arms around Tsunade’s waist and pulled her off of the man, lifting her into the air. She kicked her legs in resistance.

“Put me down!” she shrieked, almost bloodthirsty.

“Calm the fuck down!” Jiraiya growled, trying to carry her far enough away that she couldn’t go back on the offensive.

“You did not just tell me to calm down!”

Two dark-haired men left their table and approached the scene, advancing warily. “What’s the problem here?” one of them asked authoritatively.

“Fuck you!” Tsunade hissed.

It was simply bad luck that one of the groups of patrons were off-duty officers of the Konoha Police Force.

Citing assault and property damage, Tsunade was restrained and handcuffed. Jiraiya tried to argue, and, although he didn’t regret doing so, he found himself in the same situation.

It was an understatement to say that things had gotten out of hand.

Jiraiya rubbed his temples with the thumb and middle finger of his right hand, trying to ward off the headache he felt creeping up from the base of his skull. The chains of his handcuffs clinked together as he lowered his arms, placing his hands on his knees. He tilted his head back against the cold, stone wall. The metal bench was uncomfortable, and he shifted, spreading his legs further apart in an attempt to alleviate his situation.

Outside the cell, the clock above the Uchiha insignia on the wall read 04:00.

Tsunade slammed her open palms against the metal bars with enough force to rattle them. “Hey! I’m talking to you!” When the black-haired man at the desk refused to acknowledge her, she snarled “What the hell’s your problem?!”

“Tsunade,” Jiraiya hissed, “sit down.”

“No! I want my fucking phonecall!”

“You already made it. Now sit your ass down. You’re just gonna make it worse.”

Tsunade wheeled around and glared at him with murder in her eyes. Her cheeks were ruddy, the effects of alcohol still heavy in her system. Jiraiya faltered, but, to his credit, he maintained his ground. It was a pleasant surprise when she did as she was told, throwing herself down beside him like an angry child.

It was clear that they were being held until they were sober enough to answer questions. They had been locked up for hours, and after their initial processing, they had been completely ignored by the skeleton staff of the night shift.

It was a good move on the part of the Uchiha to separate Jiraiya and Tsunade from the rest of the people in holding. Jiraiya was the only one who stood a chance if Tsunade decided to take her frustration out on him. She would easily break a normal person.

“Son of a bitch deserved it,” Tsunade grumbled.

“Yeah, he did,” Jiraiya had to agree. “But they’re not gonna take a statement from you until you sober up.”

“Why’d you have to get in the way?”

“We’d be a lot worse off if you killed the guy, you know.”

“Tch.” Tsunade obviously didn’t agree.

The pair sat in silence, uncomfortable and inebriated. There was nothing for them to do other than wait. Hiruzen-sensei had told Jiraiya, point-blank, that they could sit out the night in the holding cell; it was a complete waste of Jiraiya’s phone call. Stupid old man.

Unsurprisingly, Tsunade had slumped against his side, asleep. After drinking, she had the uncanny ability to sleep even in the most uncomfortable places. In a way, he envied her. He shifted his arm out of the way and allowed her head to rest on his chest, and his arm wrapped around her shoulders. To his amusement, she snored loudly. The clock read 04:40.

Selfishly, he allowed himself to enjoy the moment. When she was drunk, she let down her defenses, if only by a bit. She would never fall asleep on him if she was sober. Over the years, she’d made it painfully clear that she had no interest in him. Jiraiya could readily admit that, as genin, he was far from normal. He had been hyperactive and loud-mouthed. As chunin, his demeanor improved, but she refused to acknowledge him.

Once they were jonin, Tsunade met Dan. Jiraiya humbly took the back seat, realizing that she was happier with Dan than she could be with him. It stung, but he did his best to accept the situation.

When Dan died, Tsunade closed herself off. It took a long while for her to pull herself out of her depression. When she did, she had changed, even more so than after her brother’s death. No matter what he did, Jiraiya couldn’t reach her.

She preferred to keep him at arm’s length after that day, and he complied. These rare moments, when she was relaxed, were the only way he knew that she didn’t despise him. He wanted nothing more than to help her heal, to make her happy, but he didn’t have the power. No matter how much he loved her, she didn’t love him back. After losing Dan, he doubted that she ever would.

So, he took what he could get. Her gestures of friendship, her companionship, and her presence were a constant. He was fairly certain that she knew he loved her. He’d be surprised if she didn’t, at this point. She loved him too, in a strictly platonic fashion. Somehow, that was enough.

He gently brushed her blonde hair back from her face, but she was in such a deep sleep that she didn’t react. Perhaps she had the right idea. They’d been awake for almost twenty-four hours. A little sleep couldn’t hurt. He let his head rest against the wall, and he closed his eyes.

The sound of metal scraping across the floor woke him. His body tried to cling to sleep, but his mind spurred him awake. He opened his eyes and saw the door to the cell open, much to his relief. He shook Tsunade gently, then roughly when she didn’t move. She sat up slowly, mumbling incoherently.

Orochimaru stood outside the cell, looking at Jiraiya with disdain. His pale skin made the dark circles underneath his eyes more apparent. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his black hair was in a state of disarray that Jiraiya had never seen. His teammate was clad in a purple yukata, making it clear that he’d just gotten out of bed.

“Orochimaru!” Jiraiya beamed. He lifted Tsunade onto his back, carrying her through the door. “Man, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Hm.” His teammate looked at him with cold eyes. “You can thank Hiruzen-sensei. I was so rudely awoken with the order to come get you.” His frown deepened, which didn’t seem possible. “When I left last night, it was to avoid something like this.”

“Trust me, we didn’t plan to get arrested.”

“You never do.” Orochimaru was unamused, but Jiraiya laughed all the same.

The trio left the police station, and Tsunade groaned when they stepped into the sun. Feeling her hangover, she tilted her head so she could press her face into Jiraiya’s shoulder to block out the light. Jiraiya wasn’t feeling well himself, but he was a lot better off than his drinking buddy.

“Are you taking her home?” Orochimaru looked at his teammate.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. You bailed us out; I’ll take care of the rest.”

“I’ll tell sensei we’ll need to reschedule our training.”

Jiraiya groaned. “Shit, I forgot about that.”

“I’ll take the fall. Consider it your birthday present.”

“Cheapskate.”

Orochimaru looked challengingly at Jiraiya, whose face made it clear that he was joking. His scathing retort died on his tongue, and he chuckled. “If you don’t like it, stop getting yourself into trouble.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jiraiya raised a hand in farewell as he turned down a side street, parting ways with the other ninja. It may not have gone as planned, but he spent his birthday in the company of the two most important people in his life. To him, it was worth it.

[akatsuki-things]

Small rant- kind of- about Orochimaru and how I feel about him

So, we'll all know that Orochimaru (who I will just call Oro for the sake of laziness on typing) was a good guy. He was with Jaraiya and Tsunade and even lord third (his name was Hiruzen, for those of you who don't know).

He was there when the stuff happened with the Ame orphans (even tho he wasn't the one who stayed behind to train them- Jaraiya was). And if I do recall right, him and Tsunade did stay for a few days with Jaraiya to train them. The three also went against Hanzo the Salamander (?).

I appreciate him for that. The Ame orphs are my babies and I love them

But then he pretty much said, "fuck doing the right thing, I want to be powerful." So this bitch decided to start doing experiments on people to become stronger. (Kind of like in The Will of Fire, when what's his face -I forgot his name rip- wanted to collect all 5 kekkei genkai to become immortal).

Then he got caught (kind of), fled Konoha, and became an akatsuki. I'm not exactly sure what he did there in the organization, but I'm positive that he still did experiments (no evidence tho). So after he betrayed my boys -and my baby konan- he left the akatsuki.

Now he's a rogue nin, ex-akatsuki, and hes- more than likely- feared by some Shinobi. (Not to mention he tried to use Itachi's body as his vessel- which is a big fat no from me.)

Skip ahead a few, and Oro gives Sasuke the curse mark, has him leave the village to become stronger, making him a rogue ninja, almost killed Sasuke (the part where the sound four got him- ya know when they put him in the coffin and it was a 50/50 chance of surviving the change, or whatever you wanna call it). And he wants to use the poor kid's body because of his sharingan and newly found strength.

Then Oro plans an attack on konoha, destroys some of the village, USES THE SAND SHINOBI, fights Hiruzen (lord third), SUMMONS THE FIRST AND SECOND HOKAGES, reanimates them with a forbidden jutsu, uses them against Third, and then he fucking kills him. (I actually think this comes before the Sasuke part, I just don't feel like fixing it)

Now Hiruzen's dead.

A few years go by and it's Shippuden era. Sasuke is stronger and Oro still wants his body for vessel uses. He almost gets to, but then Sasuke "kills him" but he doesn't actually die, as we see in the Sasuke vs Itachi fight.

Then he comes back in kabutos body, Edo tenseis the whole of the akatsuki (which, okay, I have to admit I actually accepted that because then I could see Sasori and dei and itachi again), and uses them against konoha. HE USES ITACHI AGAINST SASUKE- HIS LITTLE BROTHER WHO FINALLY HEARD THE TRUTH. (But good thing he actually helps Sasuke, not hurts him)

So to sum it all up, I really dislike Orochimaru.

Not only is he a total power hungry asshole, he's creepy, (i want to say manipulative, but I have no recollection of any evidence of that), ruthless (I mean who the hell bites people just so you can heal faster?? And who the hell decides its okay to keep someone locked up in a freaking water tube thing- idk what the fuck its called???)

All in all, hes just a total douche fuck. He even looks like an asshole. He's a liar, a thief (he stole Suigetsu and Karin and jugo, and even Sasuke and the sound four (I mean hell they were only kids at the time) kids' lives. Experimenting and manipulating their abilities. Using them. And that's not okay.

(Little side note, I actually used to like him when I was a little kid and I first started to watch nardo. Also Oro is actually pretty attractive, but that has nothing to do with this, I'm just stating that he's not ugly tbh. But now that I'm older and I understand the whole situation better, I hate him and I wish he would have died when Sasuke killed him.)

Sorry that it was so long, but if you read it and decided to add more to it, go ahead.

Also- if you disagree, that's also okay. Provide evidence on why my opinion is wrong, I really don't mind. Just please don't be rude.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Kakashi and Jiraiya didn't tell Naruto who his father was, but it's not their fault, I mean, no one told him, not even Iruka who is like a father to Naruto, so I don't understand why some use that to hate Kakashi. I also feel that Kakashi would have given justice to Sasuke but that for some reason Kishimoto didn't want to take the story that way, I understand that some hate Kakashi but it seems silly to me to hate him for everything, even things that are only Kishimoto's fault. Sometimes it seems that some want Kakashi to magically fix ALL the problems, obviously I would love for Kakashi to appear more and help with those issues but people have to understand that he's not a main character, and that the anime is called Naruto no Kakashi.

I'm not saying it for you, I love your aus and I like how you explore the characters, I say it because it bothers me that in the confessions they hate him for anything

*it rains in Naruto*

hater: ah surely Kakashi had something to do with this

*a character trips*

hater: It was probably because of Kakashi

Like come on, it seems like Kakashi is an omnipresent being or something like that

I will say Iruka probably could not have told Naruto who his parents were, as he himself didn’t know. Only those who knew Minato and Kushina, and the Jonin, knew.

Like Hiruzen straight up ordered the Jonin not to say anything

So that’s Shikaku, Choza, Anyone who was Minato’s friend and a Jonin st the time, plus a few chunin like Gai who would have known Kushina was pregnant

So there are def a lot of people who could have told Naruto, but at the end of the day it was 100% Hiruzen’s responsibility. He claimed responsibility of Naruto snd then told him nothing of his parents and did little to nothing to actually ensure he was raised well.

He also ordered anyone who did know not to tell Naruto to ‘protect him’

And on some level ya Kakashi should have told Naruto at least after Naruto met Minato, but at the same time everything was going wrong and they were scrambling just to survive

It’s hard to sit a kid down and say ‘hey let’s talk about your parents’ when everything is constantly happening and you have no chance to actually breath. Jiraiya had more opportunity but even then his goal was yo protect Naruto and how do you even tell a kid at that point?

Naruto should have been told from day one and Hiruzen making it a rule not to tell him was stupid af and did nothing to protect naruto.

What really gets me though is Kakashi actively states he wants to find out more about the massacure but sure, i guess he would just ‘do as he’s told and keep the peace cuz it’s easier’ and anyone who wants to explore him NOT doing that and instead actually addressing the issue is bad :/

[chemicalmagecraft]

I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya’s Butt Chapter 15

Usagi

"I'm tellin' ya, boss, it was some kinda monster," the now one-armed bandit explained to his leader as another bandit bandaged his bleeding stump. "It did... something to Koji, and he turned into some sorta zombie."

"And did either of those monsters rip off your arm?" the red-haired woman asked impassively. Ah yes, she would do nicely. Her body was compatible enough with my power that I wouldn't have to worry about replacing it for a while and she appeared to be an awful human being, so I wouldn't have any guilt from ending her life. Despite her looks she was definitely not an Uzumaki, so I had no reason to worry about that, either. I was currently in the process of extending a light telepathic touch into all the minds present, sorting through their memories to find a way to possess her, as well as stealing what procedural memories of theirs that I found useful.

He shook his head, a fearful look in his eye. Perhaps I was a bit too harsh on him... "No, Koji bit me. I ran, and..." He shuddered. "My arm... it went numb, and the same weird markings that appeared where the... thing... touched Koji started to appear on my arm. I... I didn't risk it."

"Wise," the bandit leader said. He smiled weakly at her.

An then one of her knives was buried in his gut. "Don't take any risks," she murmured into his ear as he breathed his last. That poor, sweet fool. Well, not sweet. If there was any word that could describe her less, I had yet to find it from my delving into her or her subordinates' minds. My point, though, is that a zombie is much harder to kill than a normal man. The red markings sprouted from his good arm, and with inhuman speed the freshly-made monster sank its new claws into the man who was bandaging it just moments ago. The woman snarled as the markings spread across both zombies. She managed to decapitate the original, but my second zombie evaded her blade and shambled toward another bandit, which it bit. I let a few of the bandits survive, but my small-scale zombie apocalypse led to the deaths of most of the scofflaws.

The leader of what was now considerably fewer bandits slammed her fist on the wall in rage as she surveyed the corpses left behind. "Damn," she growled as they dissolved into red dust. "At least they won't be coming back..."

"You do care, boss!" one of the survivors cheered.

"I don't care one bit about you idiots and if I hadn't just lost most of my men I'd have killed you for that moronic comment," she said coldly. She meant it, too. "We need to recruit, and that means we need more money. Secure the base, we can't leave anyone on guard." If I had a mouth, I'd have smiled. I needed the practice, after all. Their hideout was an abandoned mine, secluded and buried in a mountain. Not to mention the gold stored within, even if I would want to give some back to the villages they were stealing from. And they were leaving it for me. How thoughtful.

kukukuku~

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Neji asked me.

I shrugged and licked my lips. "Not gonna get any better at fighting by going easy," I said.

"Yeah, but you pretty much need your powers to take me down if I activate Furnace." Neji's pseudo-jinchuriki power. We started calling it Furnace because with how unique it was it pretty much deserved a unique name. Technically, his red chakra reserves were abysmal. However, we found out that whenever he exerted himself he could activate it to essentially let himself generate more, though he'd only keep it for so long when not exerting himself.

End result, his power steadily grew the longer he fought. He also gained power each time he hit or was hit. It had a few limitations and placed strain on his body the more he used it, but as far as I knew he could theoretically fight a bijū if he built up enough, maybe even Kaguya. That'd probably kill him, though...

"And how else am I supposed to change that?" I asked. I got into my stance. "Let's do this before I change my mind."

His eyes turned red, with a white slit pupil because of his Byakugan. "Your funeral..."

A few moments later...

"Owwwww," I groaned. "My... pride..."

"I didn't even get warmed up at all," Neji smugly remarked from where he was sitting on my spine, pinning me. I didn't ask him to get up because I was sucking off the last dregs of his red chakra. For whatever reason I couldn't assimilate Furnace, but I could still steal Neji's red chakra to heal myself and stuff.

"You okay, dude?" I asked.

"As I said, I barely got warmed up. My body is fine." After he activated Furnace for the first time, he'd ended up bedridden for an hour because of the strain it put on his body. When he started to test it, he pretended he was fine even though he kept using it past his limits. He ended up too sick to stand for weeks. It was actually around that time that he managed to figure out natural energy manipulation, probably because he was stuck in bed and bored out of his mind for so long. "I probably should let myself cool down for a bit, but I'm assuming you'll want to fight me without Furnace anyways."

I snorted. "Jerk. And here I was worried about you."

He got up. He had an amused smile. "Let's go another round, then."

kukukuku~

"I'm sore," I complained as we walked through the halls.

"You hit me a few times," Neji dismissed.

"You hit me more..."

"And whose fault was that?" I rolled my eyes and lightly punched him on the shoulder. He sage-flicked me. I was about to retort, but I felt a familiar signature when I opened up my senses, so...

"Is that Ino?" I asked, jerking my head in the direction of the compound's main entrance. I knew this was going to happen for a while. I'd been keeping tabs on her in a totally not creepy way because if it. I was also keeping tabs on Sakura, but that was more to see what the effects of that strange power were on her body. She accidentally ripped a door off its hinges more than once, which would've been pretty hilarious if it weren't for the angst it was giving her...

"That feels like her. I wonder why she's here." He used his Byakugan for a moment. I pulled out a compact mirror I'd made to be compatible with my scrying jutsu and looked at her as well. "Does she have a flower?" She was walking up to the door with a flower in her hand, yes.

I sighed. "I'm not good with flowers, but I'm pretty sure that's a forget-me-not. Pretty sure she's here for me, I'll go deal with her."

Neji insisted on hiding in the background while I greeted Ino, because she wasn't exactly subtle about her childish crush. I really hoped I wouldn't lose her as a friend, though... Just in case, I used my power to try to find the best path forward. I really hoped my life wouldn't become some sort of anti-dating simulator...

I opened the door. "Ino. Why are you here and holding a flower that symbolizes true love?" I'd learned some hanakotoba from her, but to be honest I just knew it from looking ahead in the script.

She smiled and held it out to me. "I came to confess my true love to you, Kouki."

I took a deep breath, trying very, very hard not to sigh. "Ino, no offense, I love you like a friend, but we are both four years old and you have no idea what true love is."

That confused her. "But... you saved me?"

Why do romance stories have to be so romanticized? Don't... don't answer that... "I'm your friend. Of course I saved you. But I don't love you like that and you don't love me like that because as I just said, we're both children."

She lowered the flower. This was a little harsh, but she needed to hear it. "Oh. Yeah. I guess I look stupid to you now, huh?"

I shrugged. "To be fair, you have a level of wisdom appropriate to our age. It just so happens that being wise as a four-year-old is an outlier."

"What?"

"You're a kid. You're allowed to be stupid."

She thought about that for a moment. "So... you're not mad at me or anything?"

"You're my friend. Of course not." I smiled. It probably wasn't the best smile, but at least Ino didn't run in terror... "Hey, if you want, I can show you a really cool jutsu."

She nodded. "Sure!" As I walked past, I gave Neji a smug grin when I saw his jaw on the floor. I'm sure he was expecting some kind of awkwardness.

To be fair, so was I.

kukukuku~

Chikage

Sarutobi Hiruzen sighed as he returned to his room after a long day of paperwork. Even with a shadow clone, it was just so slow. Seriously, I was so bored, and I was just watching over his shoulder! I can't even imagine having to do paperwork... He closed the door, locking it. "You're here, aren't you, Kouki?" Half right. Eh, I'll give it to him.

His shadow moved to be in front of him. "How perceptive of you," my voice seemed to come from the shadow. I couldn't exactly speak when my body was literally flat against the wall, but I could very much trick people's brains into thinking I could. My arm peeled off of the floor, keeping its pitch coloration. I raised my other arm, then used them to "pull" myself off of the floor, still in the form of a shadowy Hokage. I did a few stretches. "Man, staying in one shadow for hours kills my back, apparently. I don't even know how that works, considering the fact that I don't even have a form as a shadow..." I changed back to my humanoid form and licked my lips.

"I know that Kouki is responsible in some way, but what are you?" he asked me.

"Rude," I said, faux-offended. "You don't hear me asking you humans what you are. Though to be fair I already know."

He frowned. "You're like Kouki, but not quite. Who are you, then?"

"Did I really never tell you about me?" I paused and thought for a moment. "Or would it be better to ask if we never told you about me... I'm still not sure how pronouns work with our unique situation..."

"What, exactly, is the answer to my question?"

I shrugged. "I'm Kouki and Kouki is me. We're two halves of the same whole, at the moment."

"What are you..." He frowned and closed his eyes. "Red chakra?" he said when he opened them.

I nodded. "I've been purified of almost all of my humanity, the same as how Kouki's removed most of the red chakra from himself. He's weaker, I'm stronger, and because we're two separate entities we have independent thoughts and can be in two places at once, as you can tell. And we can recombine at any time." I sat down in midair. "Call me Chikage."

"I suppose that that makes sense... That sounds like a useful jutsu. Though why are you a girl?"

I examined my blackened claws. "Why not?"

"And I suppose that's also why you're wearing a frilly dress?"

"It's called gothic lolita, and the best thing about being made of chakra is the fact that I can more or less freely shapeshift. Now, sit down." I gestured behind him, where I'd pulled up a chair without him noticing. I also made an illusion that made both his chair and the air I was sitting on look like identical, ornate seats. "We have business to attend to."

"The Uchiha massacre, I assume?" I nodded. A table with a deck of fancy-looking cards "appeared" in between us. I really love genjutsu.

"In one year today Itachi will be forced to kill his entire clan, with the exception of his brother." I picked up the top card from the deck and flipped it over. The Tower. "And obviously we would prefer this not to happen." I reversed the position of the Tower. "But of course, there is a problem." I flipped over the next card, Judgement.

He sighed. It seemed he got my message. "The public is being turned turned against the Uchiha, which is in turn turning the Uchiha against the public. Until we stop that all we can do is delay the massacre..." I revealed the third card, The Devil, with Danzō as its subject. "Yes. Even though we haven't tipped our hands yet and he hopefully doesn't suspect us, Danzō is still fighting us."

"There are two paths that you can take to deal with him." I reversed the position of the Devil, causing the illustration's face to soften. "First, you could make him see the light, show him how much he's tearing the village apart to 'protect' it. Maybe you can do it because you used to be friends or something, but to be honest I doubt it, which leaves the second option." A black flame sparked from my finger, setting the Devil card ablaze. It disappeared without a trace. "Either way, he needs to be neutralized. I take it he's good at covering his tracks, considering the fact that he's made an attempt on your life without retaliation?"

"Of course. And I take it he'd use it as evidence of my 'senility' if I attempted to pin him on it without enough evidence?"

"My eyes don't show it, meaning there's no possibility of us attempting it. Probably, though." I cocked my head. "If I were to, I don't know, figure out a way to take other objects with me when I shadow travel and use that to steal all kinds of incriminating evidence, would that work?"

He nodded. "That would work. I'll proceed assuming you don't, with how that was a hypothetical, though."

I sighed. "Yeah, that's about right. If we fail, though, I have one last idea." I revealed The Hanged Man, reversed, with Uchiha Shisui modeling for mister four-legs. "If we stop Danzō's attack on Shisui, then he can use Kotoamatsukami on the Uchiha. It's not ideal, but it's a contingency."

"Yes, that sounds good. Unless there's anything else, you may leave." I faded into the shadows, taking my illusions with me.

kukukuku~

Usagi

"Alright everyone!" one of the bandits shouted. "You know the drill by now, your money is ours! Give it up easily and we won't kill you!" The townspeople were afraid, but they'd clearly been through this before.

"Will you really?" I asked. "You may find some trouble with that."

"Who are you?" the leader asked me.

"You would already know," I said as I strolled across the road to her, "had you not murdered my puppet."

"Ah, so you're the monster he talked about." She sneered at me and drew her daggers. "You killed my men."

"I did nothing of the sort," I retaliated. "I mutated them, controlled them. You were the ones who killed them."

"All the same, you'll die."

"To be honest I am not entirely sure I can die." I slowly removed my gloves from my hands and placed them in the bag under my cloak.

"I'll test it for you, then."

"You may be able to destroy this body, but my essence has already soaked your hideout. I believe I should be able to resurrect myself, as it were."

She smiled a sadistic smile. "I'm fine killing you over and over again until it sticks." She lunged at me, daggers flashing. I yanked back my sleeve and used my bare arm to block. I wasn't going to be needing my arm much longer, but I wanted to preserve the cloak. Her daggers sank into the stone of my arm, as I had made it softer. I wanted the knives as well. I capitalized on the bandit leader's momentary confusion to take off my mask and jam it onto her face. The last thing she saw before her life ended was a glowing red pearl on the backside of the mask.

I retrieved my new knives from my old arm, then took my cloak for my new body. Luckily, my new body wasn't too much larger than my old one, so the cloak still fit well enough. Along with the cloak, I'd palmed the other demon pearl (a pearl-shaped demon sage core) from my old body, causing it to crumble back into dirt within moments of me putting the cloak back on. I took my bag from the dirt and shook it off.

"Boss?" one of the bandits asked. "You okay?"

I slowly reached up to my mask and grasped the bottom. It cracked at the mouth such that the entire bottom was smoothly removed. I stored the bottom back in my bag, though, just in case I should come to need it. With my new mouth and the bottom of my nose uncovered, I took a deep breath, as if my first in a century. "No, I do not believe she is," I said. "For one, her mind and soul have been wiped from this body."

"What the hell even are you!?"

"To be perfectly honest I'm not quite sure. I do know one thing, though." With an organic body, I no longer had problems with agility. And in particular, this new body was trained for rapid movement. As such, the two bandits nearest me were bisected in a flash with red-glowing knives, as if through butter. Their bodies dissolved into the same red dust that the other bandits' corpses had. "You are dead. Now, are the rest of you willing to fight, or will you run in terror?" They ran in terror.

"Who are you?" a villager cautiously asked me a few minutes after I sheathed my knives. The villagers were understandably quite afraid of me.

"My name is Usagi." With the bandits gone, I'd switched to a small, personable smile. "If you wait, I should be able to bring you the money those bandits took from you."

"Thank you."