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#you know when I said I was done w them
kurakuradon · 8 months
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𝖇𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗.
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skitskatdacat63 · 3 months
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Hello guys!!!!! Aforementioned project is finally finished 🫠 It was meant to be just a simple weekend project, and ended up being 30+ hours over the period of like four days. I don't think I'm an actual normal human anymore. This is the project that caused everyone in my life to question my mental and physical wellbeing and health. But I'm super excited to share this all of you!!!! Please enjoy!!!! Even if you don't like vettonso, I hope this is still interesting????
If you make any, please reblog this or tag me in it! I'm excited to see what other people, other than just me suffering alone in my bedroom, make out of this!!! <3
#jesus christ i cant believe i actually made this 😭😭#originally earlier last week i was like ahhh i wanna draw more of them in different eras(like the timeswap au)#and then randomly wanted to draw every single racesuit(nightmare)#and then im like WAIT I CAN MAKE A PICREW OUT OF THIS#no joke when i say i dont think i was a human this weekend#it was truly: eat. sleep. draw. eat. draw. sleep. draw. eat. draw. draw. sleep.#the screentime count on my ipad is soooooo fucking bad im ashamed dhfjfkkg#i dont think picrews are meant to be made in the span of a weekend#*weakly* i did it~#again as i said in the description. please request if you want anything added!!!#i dont know if ill get to it immediately bcs i just spent 30+ hours psychologically torturing myself#i actually feel so ill JSJFKGLGLG but im happy w it and i wouldnt have gone back and changed any of the process#tho the evolution of 'im having so much fun' to groaning every time i opened up my ipad again was so funny#thank you so much to suzuki i could have never have done this without your support and encouragement 🥹🥹#hoping this picrew works as a blood sacrifice to the good health and wellbeing of the amr24. the car that is launching today!#also istg i am going to dm shill and self reblog this with no shame. it is my magnum opus(as of now)#now i am going to sleep and not touch my ipad for a while djfkkglg#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.art.#vettonso#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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welcometogrouchland · 6 months
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IMPORTANT UPDATE FOR BATMAN AND ROBIN (2023) FANS!!!...he eat a burger [ID in alt]
(taken from Nicola Cizmesija's insta, who's on art for B&R issues #5 and #6)
#ramblings of a lunatic#batman and robin#damian wayne#dc comics#''ladel are you gonna get obsessive about the character again and hunt down any and all official art of them-'' no what makes u say that#nikola cizmesija was the artist on the recent red hood gotham wars tie-ins btw! same colourist as those issues too#...idk how much dc tumblr is actually in to the production side of comics. i know i am but i have a feeling that's not universal#anyway i actually really like to know the individual artists colourists and inkers on stuff if i can it's fun!#anyway i quite liked the art in those red hood issues so i am :] excited for issues 5 and 6!#there was also a cover(?) defs done by cizmesija that has damian and bruce in like underwater batsuits? like they're wet suits#and they're fighting orca on it! and cizmesija mentioned getting to design new suits so! it seems like we're getting an underwater adventure#for that arc at least! the writer joshua williamson said that he's trying to focus the structure more around shorter arcs this time#so it seems like in the shorter breather arcs we might get little artist changes to break it up?? neat imo#i like a book w consistent art if I'm really vibing w the art but i get that a lot of ppl have mixed feelings on di meos art for b&r#so I'm interested to see what the reception will be to cizmesijas when it comes out in...i think January? same month as the annual#i saw a solicit that said the art for the annual was by Howard Porter but i could be wrong#god this got way off track. ANYWAY! he eat a burger#(also williamson has said before that damians a vegetarian so I'm assuming it's a veggie burger)
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kicktwine · 2 years
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made a ninjago oc but all it wants to do is party
its name is WULFTRAX (all caps) and it’s playing this with zane extra info belooowww
pronouns: IT'S PRONOUNCED WOLF TRACKS LITTLE MAN (it/he/they) species: WULFTRAX. digital? like, it HAS skin, and a skeleton, presumably, just… not a human head. likes: game, rave dislikes: no rave wants: to party character motivation: biggest loudest party backstory: we think it came from prime empire, but that’s all we got. maybe an unused rhythm game dj…? strengths: WULFTRAX does everything at 100%, and it doesn’t tend to stick around after a fight. it isn't fighting to win, it's fighting to go hogwild. on its back are one to six doc ock-like arms made of wire and interwoven with the stuff in season 9 that triggered everyone’s elemental powers. weaknesses: can only attack on the beat, will only fight if there’s music. it’s actually not that strong, its robot arms and machinery do all the fighting. it prefers to fight/party using someone else — elementals party pretty hard, all their colors and glowing and exploding is its favorite. alignment: very chaotic neutral. it does things on impulse and regardless of morals. he doesn’t seem to want to hurt anyone, just wants to party, and if hurting someone is how you gotta party, shrug! you can sway him pretty easily with the promise of a better rave. it’s not that clever, there is no scheming with this thing, but it does somehow get a lot of machinery and builds massive batteries and speakers and light shows
speech conventions: IT TALKS LIKE A FRAT BOY MET A CHRONICALLY ONLINE GAMER. NOT THE MOST COMPLICATED SENTENCES LMAO.
it also yells like everything it says due to the speakers in its mouth. its favorite people to mess with are kai, jay and lloyd. they have the shiniest explodiest powers, and are more split-second competitive.
#WULFTRAX#my art#‘I have made an oc to help/be friends with the ninja’ I have made an oc to fight them. I have made an oc to pummel them#people have done this before HAHDIDBDHDH except WULFTRAX is 1) a horrible fighter and 2) stupid#ninjago#ninjago oc#honestly it’s definitely someone you could/should use as a henchman. He won’t even realize. He will also destroy your lair#and then go OH MY BAD DUDE and that’s the end of that topic. Now it’s in your fridge#the second two images — it wanted to play DDR with jay and then went BRO YOU WANNA HELP WITH THIS SET so now Zane tricked it into -#bargaining to let jay out of the battery and it immediately agreed and then said WE’RE PLAYING OSU and didn’t leave room for argument so#now zane is playing a rhythm game he’s never played to let jay AND KAI out of the batteries and stop the rest of them from dying in#human osu! which was going to be its dance floor (it forgot people die when they’re hit by lightning)#And ALSO now they should probably stop it from holding the most dangerous rave#if the stuff they have is enough to send an elemental into superpowered overdrive it’s probably not healthy for a regular dude#as a meta note.#it’s obsessed w thrillseeking and adrenaline because he’s been alone for so so long that any new sensations are obsession-worthy#obsessed with feeling things and being real. doesn’t know how to regulate its obsession with something bc it has no sense of moderation#its primary purpose is to make big noise big party like programmed into it is its DJ sets. So now it makes the biggest loudest brightest#sets not understanding that this much noise/power can hurt someone or itself bc hurt is in fact an interesting sensation to it#it doesn’t KNOW this or underSTAND it. And it wouldn’t listen if told. BUT! that’s its pathology#IT HAS NO CONCEPT OF DEATH THERE IS NO THIS IS TOO DANGEROUS. THERE IS ONLY DA PORTY#it and porty mk would be besties#rule of cool with this thing. its cars are big its sets are big its music is loud and it’s got a giant flamethrower and a piano to drop#It broke from its programming but that doesn’t mean it broke from its programming yfeel#hrmmm.... yes........ self indulgent shiny loud digital dogmanthing#ill tag three of em theyre getting situations#kai smith#zane julien#jay walker
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starswallowingsea · 11 months
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okay thinking about them was the only thing that got me through work today so i'm gonna just. talk about rinne and hinata (discussion of setsubun and suicide attempts under the cut)
i was rereading night club recently and completely forgot that they mentioned setsubun festival, which i also recently read for a fic idea that i'm gonna be incorporating these ideas into hopefully, and it got me thinking about hinata.
the twins have always been outcasts and hinata makes a note of the fact that nobody ever played with them growing up so they had to make up their own games to play on their own. they are also frequently mistaken for one other which understandably gives hinata at least extreme identity issues, calling him and yuta "deformities" and "mutations" for being twins. it all culminates in the rooftop scene in setsubun where he mentions that even if he gets hurt, yuta will be fine and yuta can continue living on without him, how hinata tried to "disappear" over and over again which...can be interpreted as either suicide attempts or just simply fading into the background to allow yuta to shine.
and then his whole breakdown was filmed and disseminated to the entire student body of yumenosaki. regardless of if he knew or not, i cannot imagine that he wanted something so personal, so private aired to everyone he knows so they can see it. mika makes a comment in night club that afterwards everyone became really protective of 2wink as a whole which...to some extent, just stifled hinata and made it harder for him to talk about his feelings and when he was hurt. i'm mostly speculating here since i haven't read too many 2wink stories but like. would you want everyone you know to see your most vulnerable moments like that?
so then enters rinne, a new guy on the block who has no knowledge of setsubun, of your videotaped suicide attempt, and who your boss is telling you to work with. his unit is focused on not judging people for who they are despite having crafted a villainous mask during the mdm. they hadn't touched 2wink at all and rinne was more than willing to work with hinata on their joint live, giving hinata a nickname even that he loved because it felt like someone was actually trying to be his friend again.
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and most importantly, rinne listens to hinata, lets him vent and talk about things that he hasnt been able to because of how everyone else views him. rinne's taken on that mantle of big brother to give hinata a space to just be himself.
and i think this extends to the other new characters too, especially his roommates niki and hiiro. i do think that was a deliberate choice, to put him in a room with two guys who didnt know about setsubun and would just treat him like their other kouhais/classmates. it also helps that niki and hiiro dont judge very easily so they just treat him like a normal kid which he's longed for his entire life.
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velvetbunniie-archive · 6 months
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the reason evangeline survived jacks’s kiss is because she’s a lesbian w an insane comphet crush atm, thus making her immune bc she’ll “never truly love him” (‘cause she’s, you know, 0% attracted to men), and in a month, she’s going to come out of the closet and they’re going to have an immensely awkward breakup. aaaaand send post.
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sage-nebula · 4 months
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I've decided to make my own post because I am not an idiot, but full disclosure that this post is 50% based on thoughts I was having while I was driving home from the auto repair shop yesterday and 50% a response to a post I saw just now that conflated "redemption arcs" (things fictional characters go through in fictional stories) with "community support" (things real life people offer to other real life people in real life) and how this relates to "fixing people" (making someone who mistreats or abuses themself or others not mistreat or abuse themself or others anymore).
Read my words very carefully.
In fiction, it is more than okay to like whatever type of toxic or fantastical relationship you want. If you like to read stories about toxic, codependent people who are absolutely horrible to one another and will never, ever change, you read those stories. If you like to read stories about a tortured man who just needs The Right Person to teach him to be better, and then he is, sometimes exclusively only to them though, then you read those stories. Sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and fails spectacularly, and sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and succeeds spectacularly, and either way, you read whatever stories you want, whatever makes you happy, I'm sure it's somewhere in this vast Archive that we call Our Own.
However, in real life?
First of all, "arcs" aren't things real life people have. An arc is something that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Real life people don't have those, because our stories don't end until we die. Unlike a character, whose life presumably continues even after their story ends (except in circumstances where they die at the end but you know what I mean), we have to keep living day by day, with all the rises and falls that come with it. Now, this does not mean that a person cannot change, or that a person can't get better and learn from their mistakes; but it DOES mean that we can't have a "redemption arc" where we complete a checklist of story beats and then suddenly we're a better person who has experienced the necessary growth to be forgiven. First off, no amount of growth or change ever requires any victims to forgive. And second, that's just not how life works. That's not how change works. Change and growth are baby steps taken each day, and sometimes you go backwards, and you get angry with yourself, but then you pick yourself up and you try again the next day, and the next, and the next. It's an ongoing journey that does not end until you die. That's life.
But second and more importantly, the real idea that I think the original post was trying to get at, but missing the mark on was . . . okay.
So, the original OP of the post (and the person who replied to OP) got angry at the idea that the strawman they had invented (the person who had theoretically said "you can't fix him!") would deny support to someone who needs that help to grow and change as a person. The person who had replied in support of OP added that the strawman clearly believed in punitive justice over rehabilitative justice as well. On the surface, I can see where they are coming from. After all, on the whole humans are a social species and do need support networks in order to not only thrive, but survive. People such as drug addicts need support and assistance in order to get into better places in their lives, and the prison system has been proven to be far less effective at preventing repeated offenses than rehabilitative programs. This is all true.
However.
The reason why "you can't fix them" is still true, and needs to be said and understood particularly by those who are susceptible to falling into abusive relationships (e.g. people who have been abused before, particularly in childhood or adolescence) is because of free will. Specifically, the free will that each of us has, but specifically the other person. Person A can want so, so, so badly to "fix" Person B so that they stop being an abusive alcoholic 75% of the time. But if Person B doesn't actually want to stop being an abusive alcoholic (even if they say they do during the 25% of the time they aren't smacking Person A around), and refuses to put in the work that it takes to become sober and be a better person, then guess what? Nothing Person A does will ever make them be a sober, non-abusive partner. They will be unable to fix Person B. It doesn't matter how much time, energy, money, or commitment they pour into that person. It doesn't matter how much they genuinely, honestly, earnestly love them. Because unless Person B wants to change, and will put the work into doing so, then they will not change, and Person A, for their own health, safety, and sanity, needs to exit that relationship.
Now, does that mean that if, ten years down the line, Person B decides they are ready to put in the work to get their alcoholism under control, no one should help them? Of course not! They should absolutely be put in touch with sober counselors, support groups, medical professionals, friends and family who can help them. Person A could potentially forgive them, if Person A chooses. But that willingness to change and put in the work has to come from within Person B first.
I've been in the position where I've seen people in awful situations just tanking their lives, people I loved and cared about, people I begged to just listen to me and get help, only for them to not . . . and ultimately I had to accept that I couldn't fix them. I could be there to offer support when they were ready to fix themselves, but the core work that needed to be done had to come from within themselves. I couldn't provide that. Not because I was inadequate, not because I didn't love them, but because I couldn't force them to do anything they didn't want, or weren't ready, to do.
So at the end of the day, "you can't fix them" isn't about not giving support. It's about recognizing your limitations as a human being. It's about knowing that:
You cannot force someone to do something they do not want to do.
You cannot force someone to do something they are not ready to do.
Not being able to help or save someone is not a moral failing of yours.
Not being able to help or save someone does not mean you do not love or care about them.
Providing support should never come at risk of your own health and safety, physical or otherwise.
When you love someone, it can be really hard to accept this. You think, "I know I can make them want to try. I know I can inspire them to want to change. I know they love me, so if I just love them a little harder, they will want to change." Nine times out of ten, though, that is just not true. And if someone is abusing you, it is not worth the literal risk to your life to keep trying. You are worth more than that. You are more than just someone else's band-aid.
Keep yourselves safe in 2024.
#not an abuse scenario but: my mom died of covid-19#it's relevant to this discussion bc she was a trump-supporting republican who refused to get vaccinated#bc the far-right propaganda shows she watched told her the vaccine ''wasn't a real vaccine''#and i know this bc when i literally BEGGED MY PARENTS to get the vaccine my mother LAUGHED IN MY FACE and TOLD ME ''it's not a real vaccine#so anyway both my parents got it. my father almost died from it#my mom seemed like she was doing much better . . . except she CONTINUED to smoke heavily while both having covid#and recovering from covid#and once again i said hey don't you think you should not smoke cigarettes while recovering from a serious respiratory disease#and once again she laughed at me#anyway 2 months later her heart gave out in her sleep and she died#bc her body couldn't handle the stress of the cigarettes + alcohol (she was also an alcoholic) after covid had done its thing to her#she was only 56yo#so this was a case where i wanted to fix my mother. i tried so hard. and i've similarly tried to fix my father (who is still alive)#but i can't! my dad almost died and my mom DID die and my dad STILL won't get the vaccine#I HAVE BEGGED THIS MAN. WHO IS NOW 73. TO GET VACCINATED. AND HE STILL WILL NOT.#you can't fix people!!! you can't!!! you can offer them support if they want to fix themselves#you can help them fix themselves but you can't fix them. you just can't. no matter how much you love them#and in abuse cases it can be really fucking dangerous to keep trying.#anyway. that's my TED talk. thanks for attending or w/e it is they say
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bhaalsdeepbat · 3 months
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Keep thinking about the .00001% chance my Durge has a kid, and how impossible the circumstances would have to be, but also how both posh and feral a child raised by Durge and Astarion would be 😭
Like this baby is so good at using their baby charms to get everything they want but sometimes it's ridiculous shit like. You have this super spoiled child who is kind of a brat sometimes, but secretly a huge softy and is actually VERY well behaved for their parents & extended family...for the most part.
Sometimes a feral streak will hit them and they'll get the combination Dhampir/Bhaalspawn Zoomies. They're running around yelling about paving a path in corpses, Astarion is moving at top Vamp speed to keep up, Storm Sorc Durge flying over every which way trying to prevent shit from breaking/falling. But this is still just a child so at a certain point they overdo it and Astarion & Durge just fucking find them passed out with some squirrels they drained then slaughtered.
But also imagine the hunger this poor child would experience. Like they're the creation of two people with nearly uncontrollable appetites. The "Pets or food?" Dichotomy to an extreme. Living beings are literally their life source and their offering to the God whispering violence in their ear day in & day out. Cus you know Bhaal would be giving that little Bhaalspawn Special Attention. Cus he's petty af.
Like it would be so tragic, but could be such a good "resisting hunger & urges" story to explore esp with having to live their lives with both bc Dhampir Bhaalspawn baby wouldn't have Withers to take Bhaal's blood from them
#withers saw them giving Arabella REALLY bad advice and was like this child will NOT be staying here with you two idiots#she needs better influences#also this situation is so impossible#i think Mercy would have done shit to ruin their reproductive system before being lobotomized#i know it could be fixed magicallu#but they wanted to make sure everything they could do w the control they did have at the time#to end this cycle bc there is no way theyre giving more to the cult when they've already given the bhaalists#everything mercy is and more#but that isnt enough bhaal also wants their children and children's children#that being said#catch me drawing this dhampir bhaalspawn abomination#prettiest little thing with the sharpest claws and a jaw that opens up like#fuck what was that old vampire movie where their mouths opened up four directions#like their faces peeled open#i think the bhaalspawn shit would fuck up how the vampirism manifested#and make this child so fucked up looking when fully transformed but#when in their usual form theyre the prettiest little thing#the sarevok letter out here singlehandedly supporting my thought that Durge would still have some Durge Things going on#bhaal just took away their inheritance AND his ability to take over their body like a puppet was rescinded#i think Durge would still have Durge Thoughts#but it isnt their blood whispering and fighting to take control. they're#just dealing with intrusive thoughts that dont take over and cause them to black out#but they see that happening to THEIR child????#like the helplessness knowing they cant do a damn thing#astarion and durge going on a journey to save their baby#neither of them wanted the damn thing but now theyre attached 🙄#bat writes#never love an anchor
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hiragihouse · 3 months
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gege needs to retire his character death note and hand it off to asagiri i swear 😭
#my sister (misinformed) told me yuta died in the latest jjk ch and i was so nervous looking at leaks#bc its smthn gege /would/ do and i really like yuta#thankfully he’s fine he just made an appearance in the latest ch thats all#tell me why my first thought after was ‘man that was a thrill i wish new bsd chapters made me feel like this’ 😭#my biggest gripe w. bsd will forever be how all the characters always come out of battles completely unscathed#nevermind the 500 injuries th​ey sustained#nobody ever dies or gets new battle scars or life changing wounds etc etc it kinda makes the stakes boring when you know the character will#be fine when alls said and done#and honestly this wouldn’t be problem for me if ! asagiri didnt deathbait so damn much !#he’s allergic to actually killing off a character and thats how i Know fyodor prob isnt dead#and neither is sigma bc fyodors ability is still a big mystery and we need them to reveal it for us#bc asagiri never killed anyone major off in the main manga before its hard to believe that he killed these two off 🤷‍♀️#and ig fukuchi but all those theories of him being the masked man at the s5 cliffhanger has me squinting suspiciously#tbh idc if its my fav character who dies if it’ll make the plot more interesting then send them to the gallows !!#(okay maybe not lucy but she barely gets any panel time shhh)#like i like fukuzawa but i also think itd be interesting to see what would’ve happened if he died in the battle vs fukuchi#bc the aftermath would be a change in status quo and it would’ve been interesting to see the change in dynamics in the ada and#how they deal w. his loss !!#on the other hand gege killing off his characters too frequently . . . doesnt rlly need an explanation#(jjk spoilers?) now w. yuta going up against sukuna . . . please keep him safe gege i beg 🥲#anyways. enough rambling now to go back to shoving bsd to the back of my mind lol#ayra croaks
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girlcrushau · 1 month
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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stupid-dyke · 7 days
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stayed up til 3 when I have an 8am again. I do this because I hate myself so sos sososososososososo much. It's really funny because I don;t fall asleep in class thanks to my meds but I've noticed every time I go to class after 4 hrs sleep people act weird around me which is how I know im acting really weird. And I am so extremely angry at myself. I spent 4 hours. well 8 hours. Well all day. Pretending I'm going to do homework and distracting myself with various other things on my laptop or crying on the phone to my parents. Got zerooooo work done at all i stayed up most of the nihght for literally no gain whatsoever this is pure self harm. Which I do becauase again I hate myself. Because I didn't do my work. Which i won't do tomorrow either because i'll be so tired I wont be able to string a sentence together even though I'm supposed to give a presentation haha. My favorite activity is staring at the clock on my laptop getting later and later and later. new high score etc. Who's a hypersomniac now. Imagine how much easier this semester would have been if I'd gone to bed before 2am ever. I'm so fucking angry at myself I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep now even. If I fail my classes again my parents are gonna make me live at home forever and say im too crazy to live on my own. I know I was supposed to get a therapist but I hate them all so, so, so much. I think people get that job bc they feel powerful telling some pathetic person what to do knowing I literally cannot do it and will come back week after week admittingn failure and paying
I know I was supposed to take the new experimental FDA approved drug for IH but the list of side effects is fucking terrifying and I live and sleep alone so i really don't want to take a super powerful sedative that can make you stop breathing. So I'm gonna keep taking stimualnts and lying to myself that today is the last day I stay up extremely late for no reason.
#it's really sad I'll skip the meds sometimes to try to sleep and it doesn't even help. I just feel worse while awake.#The real reason i can't sleep is because im screwing myself over by doing no work and im terrified im going to fail my fucking classes#and theyre all going to say im crazy if I fail my classes. theyre going to say im crazy and I self sabotaged on purpose#bc i dont want to succeed. Dad says that every day#Dad loves telling me everytjhing wrong with me multiple times a day every day so i never ever forget#hes so helpful. He's trying so hard to help. If i dont answer the phone he starts worrying ive committed suicide#again i was suicidal one week in 2019. Get the fuck over it. You've literally threatened to kill yourself multiple times. Fucking hypocrite#a bunch of my friends are going to graduate this semester and best case scenario i graudate next semester and then I'll lose touch with eve#ybody#and then the good times are over and life is boring and hell forever and ill get more disabled every year until I can't work and then I'll#run out of money and die#you know when I talked to my genetics professor about the alzheimer's results he said somethign will kill you eventually and it#wont be that unless you live to old age which will be good!#so true bestie. so ture#Guys lets be real here. Why the fuck. Do we live. why. It is so goddamn hard. Maybe it;s easy when u get sleep . But that hasn't happened t#me for a while#all my classes end next week and i havent done most assignments since spring break#also over spring break my parents met w a lawyer to revise their will adn afterwards dad told me im executor and explained to me what will#happen after each person in my family dies.#the assumption is that I will outlive everyone. they don't think my sister will live to old age adn they are already old#the lawyer apparently has clients with the same disability as me and all of them had the same thing happen. Once they get another disabilit#and get older it becomes impossible to manage IH and they cant work til retirement age#i just spent an hour typing this shit instead of sleeping. 4am-730am sleep lets go. I should kill myself#i hate my parents fucking advicce bc they;; be like well when i was ur age I was married it sure must suck to be single!!!! fuck you guys f
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villainsidestep · 29 days
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fawniel thoughts hour….
#gideon shut the hell up challenge#u can tell we are trying so hard to write smth bc we keep thinking up situations. but anyway#them just laying together asking a bunch of 20 questions type things#(he asks their favorite color and they laugh bc shouldn’t their ~number one fan~ know that already? and he gets embarrassed#and is like I MEAN I /DID/…. but that info is old !!! and I want to hear it from u ☺️)#(fawn says blue and he’s like 👀 oh really… any favorite shade…. and they’re like hm!! 😌 guess u will never know)#but danny asks if they have any siblings….. he knows they said they were part of a batch? but he doesn’t know how….#(​‘tank babies?’ fawn suggests bc he’s trying to come up w a nicer way to say it but can’t and he does an embarrassed little laugh bc yeah)#fawn who has only ever lied to the rangers abt it (they grew up on a farm and had a large family sure but ‘no one worth mentioning’?)#(not ashamed of their siblings but scared to talk abt them. to show any sort of weakness. ric would have pried; he always does.)#and yet. sitting here w him now. not sidestep (either one) and herald. just fawn and danny. they tell him#and it’s hard to explain how you can know someone without ever Knowing them. how u can have names when all u have are pictures and feelings#but they manage. and when they’re done danny says that he’s sorry for their loss. the first time they’re ever heard it.#probs the first time they’ve ever genuinely Acknowledged it since they were recycled. and fawn says yeah. says thank you. says I’m sorry.#oh u thought we were done w siblings ?? sike . ocean and sunny u will always be canon 2 me
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celestialwife · 30 days
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sometimes i just think about poe and it's like. i can't believe you mean this much to me? literally ahead of tfa i just kept scoffing at the descriptions of him, completely expected to be benevolently annoyed with him or meh at best and didn't understand why everyone went off abt how oscar was attractive (like i could tell objectively, but it's rare that i find someone subjectively attractive on a deep level), and then i just. saw poe for the first time on screen in theaters and that was it. instant attraction, and then a few minutes later realizing that oh, no i'm genuinely in love with this man. instant ride or die, we just clicked. i got him on a deeply intimate level just from those few minutes of screentime he has in the movie, that nothing about him following that ever surprised me? just. yeah that's him this makes sense.
and i remember writing what was absolutely self-insert masquerading as canon where r.ey was his best friend and i genuinely meant for it to be platonic but i kept accidentally writing a little bit something more and i genuinely think looking back on it that i probably had a crush and a squish on poe? and he may have started queerplatonic, leaning on alterous (if i'm understanding the term right). like it wasn't straight platonic because i genuinely had/have such a crush on him but it definitely wasn't straight romantic at the time either (and i still have moments where i'm like. yeah i'm definitely feeling qp feelings for him and not romantic ones). and then sometime in 2017, something I guess shifted and I wrote in an oc into that same fic who had a history with him and they both still had feelings for each other and they kissed at the end of the story but didn't wind up with each other, and then i started reading reader fic for him that same year and was like. oh I actually don't mind the idea of kissing him....i kinda wanna. and i also don't mind the idea of a relationship if it's with him, i even want it?
and like ofc things went sideways from there. i stopped reading fic bc my friend made fun of me for reading it and i felt like i was doing smth "wrong" and then the gaslighting of everyone hating him in t.lj when i didn't also severely impacted my ability to be able to enjoy him properly without trying to fold up my actual opinions to 'fit in' more and feeling anxious and not getting to enjoy it, but he was still such a cornerstone of comfort for me at the time. i even wrote my first reader fic in late 2018 to get some comfort from how awful things were in my personal life and it was of him. and then t.ros happened and the fandom got so toxic along w some friend stuff that my spin in poe almost broke (or so i thought), but like?? i spent the whole next year constantly drawn to things that reminded me of poe....read a book that was compared to the st and him a lot....bought a lot of orange things without thinking about it, developed a crush on a character that's like. basically poe with the serial numbers scratched off. all until i found my way back to him at the end of 2020 🥰 and after that i started embracing reader fic again and my romantic feelings for him and then lmao the physical/sexual attraction came in like a wrecking ball shortly thereafter which was New To Say The Least, but.
eeee i don't know i ended up gushing a lot about him but i just. sometimes i really think about the journey i've had with him, and how much good he's genuinely brought into my life. i get to feel all these emotions i never thought i would!! because of him!!! i get to explore new avenues that i wouldn't be interested in or comfortable in pursuing even mentally bc of him!!! he's helped me work through various triggers for my trauma bc they feel safe with him involved? and most importantly - i wouldn't know any of my lovely friends or partners if it wasn't for him? i stuck around in the fandom bc of poe, and that lead me right to my queerplatonic partners and family. i genuinely would not!! be the same person today if i had not fallen in love with that silly flyboy december 20th 2015!!! and isn't that just love in a nutshell?
#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i don't normally gush but i'm heavily caffeinated rn moreso than i've been in months#i just!!!!!!!!! i cannot believe!!!#sometimes i worry when i like. mildly dissociate thinking about him and my love/interest in him bc one time that genuinely broke a spin bc#i realized it was not doing anything for me positively. but with poe everytime i'm just like#my life would genuinely not be as joyful as it is if it weren't for you. i would not be who i am today if it wasn't for you.#(tch. might not be here generally speaking)#i just. i really went from scoffing at him to 'oh no he's hot' to 'oh i'm in love' to 'i want to be his best friend in a really intimate#way' (cos i didn't know what qp/alterous was at the time) to 'i might want to kiss him but i wouldn't imagine myself w him'#to 'oh. actually i don't mind thinking about kissing him or being in a relationship w him. actually i /want/ that.'#to having to swallow my feelings for him to be diplomatic/avoid conflict for two years while still utterly adoring him and being in love w#him to subconsciously finding my way back to him!!!!!#and deciding with grim determination i'd continue loving him as much as i wanted no matter what anyone else said and YES that meant getting#kiss him on his pretty mouth. and shipping my self insert with him PROPERLY where they end up together.#and then realizing stuff that's less pg-13!!!! but no less mind blowing. like i had THAT setting. what the hell.#i just. what a journey.#he's my sweet flyboy my absolute beloved my best friend my starlight i love him to pieces u guuuuuuuuuuuys#i've had a lot of comfort characters over the years and a handful of special interests - none of them have meant as much to me as poe#he is genuinely a part of me and who i am he's my soulmate and i wuv him#okay i'm done#nym speaks#flyboy 🧡
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fridayyy-13th · 1 month
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well i'm having an evening, certainly
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avisisisis · 3 months
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I hate when I see people hating on the gods because of PJO, it makes me so sad and angry
Also. The amount of people calling the female gods "a bitch" is insufferable. First of all, lazy insult, second of all, these characters are fucking ancient. They have years of history in them. You can't just think of their character as "a bitch". NOT EVEN THE BITCH, JUST A BITCH — AS IN, AN INSULT
#see i'm okay w ppl insulting their favs as a joke#i do it too#but (n it might just be me loving these characters) watching ppl insult them bc they hate them is#it's just so weird to me#like#i'm not explaining myself well-#calling the character out on all the shit they've done (the gods have done some very fucked up stuff) is okay#i love to do that. criticizing my favorite stuff is one of my favorite hobbies#the problem is when ppl treat their character like absolute garbage without knowing anything about them#“athena is a bitch who supports SA 👿👿” they say when SHE IS NOT???#HER CURSING MEDUSA BC SHE WAS SAd IS ONLY ONE VERSION OF THE MYTH#and (as far as i'm aware) it's the roman version of the myth too! so not even the og#also the greeks have some very bad history w SA. bc of the way they treated women#like have you ever actually read about the greek gods? they SA people all the time#and that's what i like to see ppl shit on them for#idk if i said that right#i like to see people shitting on them for that while still knowing that they're very deep characters#w interesting stories that were made in a time where that kind of stuff was normalized#this also goes for the “u can't like the greek gods bc they've SAd women!” ppl#i don't like them as PEOPLE buddy#i like them as characters bc they are fictional and interesting and fucking ANCIENT#did i said fictional already?#anyway. it is 2024 cut it out w the greek god hate#greek mythology#Greek gods#the olympians#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#rrverse#avis' post
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redeyye · 1 year
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im pretty excited for the new crop of musicals on broadway rn, since 2018 or so ive been worried about musicals going the same way as other media & just running out of new ideas. but there's some bangers out there rn i think there is hope yet
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