#you left me in the dark

[madllamamomma]

✨Cosmic💫

2022

2017/2018

Woof. This was some work, but somehow I dished this out in less than 24 hours. So, this is a redo drawing I did in my sketch app before I knew about procreate it’s crazy how four years and a different app can really change things. I was really sure about using the “synth wave” colors, my husband recommended that palate to me, but I’m glad I listened to him! ❤️💕🌙💫 I don’t hate the first one from 2017/18, but holy shit, I didn’t handle color very well and it was SOOO muddy.

Fun fact; This was very inspired by Florence + The Machine Cosmic Love. 👇

✨If anyone want to recreate this as well, I’d love to see people recreating in their own style! ✨

[aroaceleovaldez]

we should make Nico more fucked up, actually. enough woobifying him. that boy should be covered in blood and viscera

[tshortik]

Just Amnesiac Durge Things

[wilchur]

But this is how it must be.

[yashley]

"Yeah, but we talked about it and I didn’t want it." "Why not?" "Because it scared me."

[cosmicdreamgrl]

always on my mind? i think yes 🤍

[lotus-pear]

what is childe doing in bungou gay dogs😟

[anastasiiaosypova]

It's been over a week after Ahsoka's finale...

[hopeswriting]

was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.

and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.

because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"

and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.

and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.

and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.

so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.

and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?

and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

[fearandhatred]

can you believe this is david tennant. is anyone listening to me. can anyone fucking hear me

[acowardinmordor]

Continuing from This, but definitely not resolving anything yet.

You Left Me, You Miss Me

Part One - Part Two - Part Three

----

Steve’s eyes watered and he pinched his lips tighter, restraining his reaction. But he didn’t break. He wouldn’t. Couldn’t. He refused. 

Robin crammed the next marshmallow into her cheek, barely managing to get her lips back together around the mass of sugar fluff, and kept the game going. 

First one to swallow, chew, laugh, or fail to fit the next marshmallow would lose. 

They hadn't decided what the winner was going to get, but neither of them were willing to lose. Even in stupid games they invented while exhausted and tipsy and giggly after midnight. 

He had Robin, and that made the rest of it easier to bear. 

Painless? No. 

But he didn’t spend his days wallowing in agony and crying into pillows. It ached the way a bruise did; a constant dull throb in the background, and only vivid if something smacked into it. He’d walked off worse. He carried deeper scars. He could grin and laugh and act like it was normal on the rare times he saw the others. 

And he could grin and laugh and be normal around Robin. 

She’d taken a gap year, and was planning to clear some gen ed credits at a community college in the spring, then make new choices. Steve was planning to follow her. 

That was what had them drinking and shoving marshmallows in their faces. She chose a place closer to Indianapolis, they’d called around and had a list of places they might be able to rent, and while any and all ice cream shops were forever banned, there were plenty of places where they could work. 

Steve nodded to acknowledge her successful marshmallowing, and reached for another of his own. 

It was the seventh. 

It was ambitious.

It did not go well. 

An hour later -- after a burst of giggling gave both of them utterly disgusting, half-choking, half-spitting marshmallow down themselves fits -- they changed into new pajamas, washed faces, drank water, and ate a few chips to chase off the sugar coating their tongues, they curled up in Steve’s bed. 

“We should drive up tomorrow,” Robin mumbled. 

“We have work. Birdie.”

“Ugh, fine. Thursday. We both have Thursday off.”

“Sure. Thursday."

"We’ll go find a place to live so we can get out of this town.”

“Anything’ll be better than here.”

“You sure you don’t want me to go over and--”

“Nah, it’s fine Robs. It happens. We’re gonna go live something better.”

“Damn right we… are…” She trailed off as she fell asleep, laying across his chest. 

It wasn’t the end of the world. He knew, in graphic detail, what that was like. This was life. This was kids growing up and finding friends that fit in better. This was all of them letting go of the desperate grip on each other that shared trauma had caused.

This was healing. 

Steve was a bit part in the movie of their lives. An extra who wandered in to keep them safe, sent on his way when the danger passed. It wasn’t their fault that they meant more to him than he did to them. The whole definition of who he was, and who he wanted to become changed because of them. They were everything for him, and he'd give everything to them.

He wished there was something he could give them, but the closest he could manage was departure.

He wasn’t mad at them, so he never let Robin see how it broke his heart. She’d have grabbed his bat and started hunting. She knew they weren’t inviting him around as much. She knew they were being distant. She knew that Steve tried at first, then stopped. She knew he was upset, she just didn’t - couldn’t - know how much. 

It wouldn’t do any good. 

And in a few weeks, top of the new year at the latest, they’d be living in Franklin, Indiana, assuming they didn’t decide last minute to move into the city itself. He would close the book on this part of his life, and start a new one. One where the guy he used to be wasn’t a permanent stain, and he could make friends without tragedy pushing them together.

He'd never find anyone else like Robin, but maybe he could have friends who would want to keep him, just because they liked him.

---

Part Three

there will be more. don't know when. and I'm so bad at Tag lists that I just don't do them anymore. sorry ducklings.

ps if someone has a suggested name so I can tag these blips of story, that'd be great.

[cheecats]

Can I request Shadowsight for the designs? Or maybe Frecklewish if you'd rather?

I'm curious what either would look like in your style! (Which I adore btw it's SO good)

i know Shadowsight is described as small in the books, but I prefer to interpret him with the Tigerstar(tm) tallness with Dovewing's build, and that he tends to shrink down/lower his voice while talking to appear as meek/non-threatening as possible because his peers get nervous around him

[intotheelliwoods]

Guess who got to see a Solar Eclipse at the 4 Corners! (the bobble leos did. this trip was for them actually- they didnt even pay for gas)

[aurpiment]

tlhod’s Gender Situation as written in 1968 (published in 1969) was about a man from Earth who goes to another planet inhabited by alternate-bio ambisexual humans who are completely like Earth humans in every other respect. The man from Earth at first expects them to be like men in a way that’s recognizable to him, and that expectation causes him some struggles in relating to them, but he then comes to accept them on their own terms.

An updated look at that Gender Situation might be about a nonbinary person from Earth who goes to another planet inhabited by alternate-bio ambisexual humans who are completely like Earth humans in every other respect. The nonbinary person from Earth at first expects them to be like nonbinary people in a way that’s recognizable to them, and that expectation causes them some struggles in relating to them, but they then come to accept them on their own terms.

Mutatis mutandis since “nonbinary” is a way, way broader category than “man” (hello multigenders I love you) but people who have never heard of gender are going to have a different, for lack of a better word, thing going on than someone who is familiar with a gender binary and has rejected it.

(I also think having a normal earth queer person interact with members of a fantasy gender/lack of gender would be interesting. Real deal meets metaphor. It’s like if an actual trans woman met Jadzia Dax.)

[miss-sweetea-pie]

One thing I love about the zutara community is that when bryke said “zutara was too dark and intriguing” a lot of you all went “bet”

Love that for us 💕🌊🔥

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

excuse me i need to Muse on something for a moment

so in Wally's secret 'vinyl' audios, specifically the last few (if we're listening to em in chronological order), obviously he starts to sound more strained/distressed. his breathing is more labored, like it's taking all of his energy to make contact.

but the audio that really caught my attention was the "But i still can't see" one. cause he just said he has more eyes than he did before. he knows We draw them a lot, and it's thanks to that that he can see. but he still can't see?

so my question is: where is Wally physically? cause although he can (assumedly) see the WHRP goings on, he can see through the eyes We draw, that could all be on a, uh... more Intangible level of sight. like the spiral pit is forming an eye, and then there's the eye on the ceiling in the secret Staff Only section - could Wally be in the pit, that space between his reality and Ours, "watching" through the eyes? but unable to actually see with due to the pit being pitch black nothingness? is he somewhere else? is he stuck? he can see, but he can't... see.

(or is he trying to explain an abstract concept - he's not actually viewing anything, but he can sense it. like how he knows We're there, even if he can't see or hear Us. but he just doesn't have the words to describe it other than using physical senses - see, hear, look.)

and him saying "...that I can see. But it is still... I can't..." but it's still what, Wally? dark? something else that he doesn't have the words to describe, so he just says that he can't see?

i know that in the Livestream Trivia Document (compiled by @/the neighborhoodwatch) there was something said about Wally being in a box. my first thought reading that was "oh, so he's in storage? the physical puppet, i mean?" which would make sense - show's over, there's no more use for him. pack 'em up and put him away. but that paired with the "can't see" audio makes both seem a lil... connected.

Wally can't see > he's likely somewhere dark > the inside of closed boxes are dark > Wally's in a box. (or maybe the Neighborhood is the box? it's a stretch, i know, but the map is a box. television sets are often set up in "boxes". maybe it's less of a physical storage box and more of a 'boxed in' sort of thing...)

one question i've had since the Start of my interest in this incredible project is: how is Wally communicating? how has he connected to the site? how does he connect to our reality? the pit almost definitely has something to do with it - most likely acting as a bridge, or the deteriorating of the barrier between our two 'worlds' - but if Wally is in a box and Not the pit or even just in the puppet's reality... how is he reaching us beyond just seeing through the eyes he's given?

or is he in their reality, and he can contact through the pit or something, but he can't actually see the other side? Our side? he knows it's there - that We're there - but none of it is visible to him. maybe his apparent disassociation in the 14 bug audios is a demonstration of him contacting Us. we can see through him, but it's a one way street.

and speaking of the pit - i just had a thought. his whole thing with Us letting him in, opening... the pit on the neighborhood map is getting bigger and clearer. but the presumed Other Side, the one on the Staff Only ceiling, is small. it's the size of a ceiling panel. it seems to me that Wally is chipping away at his side of the pit or 'portal', trying to reach Our reality, but he needs Us to do the same thing on the other side. the QA can hear him calling, but there's no phone on their (Our) side of the pit. how do We call back???

there's a fundamental barrier & lack of understanding between Wally and the QA/Us. he's trying. he wants to be let in, but what does that mean, really? let him in where? open what? he's desperate. he wants us to understand. he's trying so so hard Without the right tools to clearly communicate what he wants. he can't see Us, We can see him, both know the other is there, but there's no way to connect. and the attempts are hurting all parties involved, however unintentionally