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#this stupid show left a dark cold empty void in me
anastasiiaosypova · 7 months
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It's been over a week after Ahsoka's finale...
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squidsandthings · 1 month
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16 & 20 💚
oooo
16: from a recent piece i want to brag about
hmmm I really like this snippet from touch fic poem
With longing emptiness for a moment Of being filled, of being loved of Warmth, real warmth, burning Inside one’s chest pressed and darned Broken edges filling destructive voids With loving creation, but instead only flinched  Splintered thrust into a cold abyss yearning for A single touch
I like reading this part out loud it's fun
I also like this from the piece I wrote for your birthday
Dazai feels the port breeze on his skin he can taste salt  on his lips in another life he stares he can taste lips on  his  own those lips are across the port and they are not staring back at Dazai.
Skin and the Sea are salty to the taste. The taste of one can make you miss the other <3
20: from a scrapped project
Oh poem based on sol's fic I'm sorry I didn't finish you <3
I knew it when Your eyes met mine dark Pools of empty abyss cutting irises I could feel a churning Bubbling within me Clawing, Begging Howling, Dog. "Stay by my Side" by Side by Side by- nothing. but I already knew it
I knew it when I reached with something I couldn’t say and you pushed me  held your edges at arm's length Out of my touch my center of mass into another gravitational field I feel the pull and watch it fall. snapped. but I already knew it I knew it when I started at the lifeless eye Of the hurricane you brewed Crafted a storm you knew and left me to finish it off a cliff into abyss into Gravity. It's waiting arms embraced you I never could you never could you never- Broken bones meet Spilled blood ,Twin Souls now, Split My chest apart, and whisper to your broken world “I knew it”
also this poem
A billion boxes made of glass and yours is next to mine. Our circle of boxes miles apart and yet through the glass still I see your shine. I tap my side and you tap yours but yet my heart ponders . Is the reply you make for me alone or for another box you love more. To distract myself from the silence that the box life brings. I make up words and scream and shout and hope you'll hear me sing. Applause surrounds my show my gleaming heart long died. I look around and see no audience besides boxes and boxes and boxes and boxes and boxes I cant even see you by my side. I scream. I scream. I scream. I weep. I want to know you feel you see you breathe the air you breathe boxes of glass keep us trapped miles apart and I can do nothing but grieve. Hollow box heart I have left empty whispers to a grave. maybe you don't care maybe you'd hate me if you saw from beyond My box my cage my prison perfectly set up to make you fond .Every knock on my glass I check thrice to be sure it'll make you like me more. Every word I scream I hold three more back to make sure the audience heard Am I stupid for wanting to connect to a person behind some glass? Are you even a person to me or am I simply in love with a mask? A billion boxes made of glass and we are side by side I long for the day I can reach out and see that this connection is more than a lie.
sorry this is mostly poetry lmao
ask game
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Chapter 11: Fractured
A/N: Short but intense chapter 🥹
Warnings: I am no doctor, no medic, I’m an idiot I know nothing. Don’t @ me. Blood, injury detail, intense feelings, everybody’s hurting.
Word Count: 3.4k+
Tagging: @dreamqueenkala @ravenclawbitch426
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It was late. The lights in your room were at their lowest. The silence weaved in and out of every room, the medbay was dark and dead of activity. You sat bolt upright, the comlink in your hands as you stared straight ahead at your wall.
You had lost count of how many times you’d pressed the button, only to hear static in return. He was out of range, they were all out of range. Still you tried again, pressing the button and letting the crackling fill the void that threatened to consume you.
“Havoc….” You clicked off the com and swallowed against the emotion that wanted to steal your words. “Havoc-2. Do you read?” Silence. It gnawed at you, taking chunks of yourself away leaving only the worst of you behind. The longer you didn’t hear his voice, the louder your demons became. Jeering and sneering as they whispered the worst things into the darkness of your mind. Your nightmares had increased in intensity, not even the soft sounds of the Purrgil could wrestle them for you.
It was like he never existed, but he had. They all had. Tech’s stamp was all over your place, the little touches, the things he’d fixed and helped set up…throwing the covers off you braved the cold floor and went into the refresher.
The light was garish, its brightness making you squint. Catching sight of yourself in the mirror you saw the discolouration under your eyes, the flat expression on your face, but it was your eyes that made you look closer.
They didn’t look like you. Pressing a hand on the smooth surface to cover your face, you turned away with a scoff. Staring into your eyes never did any good, it just showed all the hidden things you hated about yourself.
Stripping off you stepped into the shower, turning the water as hot as it would go until you were hissing at the scalding temperature. Anything to break the hold of the encroaching darkness on your mind.
When you came out you felt slightly better but the sense of foreboding still wouldn’t leave you alone. Your own personal black cloud, oppressive and suffocating, always there and waiting, ready to seep into you when you least expected it.
The lights in your room were beginning to glow and you hesitated. You thought back to what Rex had told you, so you copied the stance he had said his Jedi General had used. After a few seconds you felt ridiculous, but you persevered. Closing your eyes and releasing a long breath, willing yourself to fall into that calm state of mind meditation was supposed to provide.
You listened to the gentle noises of the fauna from a planet you didn’t know the name of, imagining the warmth of the sun pushing away the darkness that constantly followed. But none of it worked.
The disappointment was another negative emotion to carry around with you. Angrily you made your caf, accidentally drawing out two mugs even after being on your own for over a week. As you sipped the dark liquid you stared at the spare mug, hating it, despising the way it stood empty and unused. What a stupid notion, you told yourself. To hate something so…inanimate.
The lights for the medbay clicked on, blinking to life as Beetoo also woke up. The photoreceptors blinked as she tapped into the system that ran the entire medcentre.
“The new assistant starts today,” she announced.
“Tesama,” you told her, not looking up.
“Tesama,” she repeated. “Twi’lek female, medically trained on Ryloth before she left due to the Imperial occupation.”
“She has good instincts.” The datapad flickered to life under your hands and a list loaded of your patients today. Rolling your shoulders you tipped your head back, this headache you had brewing wasn’t going to do you any good but you weren’t sure if you had any spare meds. With the Batch gone no one had been able to fetch you supplies for a decent restock. “Beetoo, can you inventory the supplies today and I’ll get Tesama to treat the patients.”
“Yes.”
“If we have any spare painkillers, let me know. I’ve got a headache.”
“They are becoming more frequent, I have recorded you having a headache everyday this week.” You glanced up at the droid, split between the annoyance of her recording everything and being grateful that she had. “Are you all right?” You gave a tight lipped smile.
“Not something that can be treated,” you replied. “Just mitigated.”
The day was tedious. You updated medical records and processed payments in your little office while you listened to Tesama treat the patients in the bays. You watched the information come up on your datapad as Beetoo inventoried knowing the supplies you needed was going to be extensive.
Chewing absently on a ration bar your eyes unfocused. You retreated inside yourself, sensing the approach of…something. You heard the rush in your ears, the flush of blood as it beat through your veins, the nervous ache in your chest. You could feel the burn in your legs, the urgency that thrummed through your entire being but oddly detached at the same time. Like it didn’t belong to you.
A bang made people yell and you were up and out of your chair in an instant, grabbing the blaster you kept hidden under your tunic, set to stun. You exploded into the bays only to come face to face with Wrecker.
He was leaning on the wall, his chest heaving erratically, his mismatched eyes were roaming with a panicked energy and that was when you realised, you’d felt him coming to you. It made you shake, soaking up the chaotic that bled from him, pulsing like the engines of the Marauder.
“Wrecker!”
“You need—,” he struggled to catch his breath but you didn’t need him to say anymore. An odd calmness flooded your body, pushing aside the panic and the stress, your own and Wrecker’s.
“Take me to him,” you ordered firmly, grabbing your bag and leaving. You could tell he wanted to run, his steps were uneven yet you still struggled to keep up.
People parted for the large clone and if they didn’t he soon shoved them out of his way, ignoring the tirade of angry exclamations.
As soon as the Marauder came into view you felt the rise in the emotions that emanated from the ship. Omega looked pale, her face drawn and eyes red as she sat at the bottom of the ramp. Echo was pacing near her, his arm and scomp socket crossed as he walked one way and then the other.
No one said anything at the sight of you, no relief came through the tension and you raced up the steps on the ramp.
The breath was sucked from your body. The worst of your fears was right there, the constant torture of your inner demons had manifested and it ripped you up inside. Tech lay on the bottom bunk, limp and lifeless, his skin had an unhealthy colour and a sheen of clammy sweat covered him. Hunter stepped back to allow you access to Tech’s side. There was a mask over his face, his breath barely fogging up the inside as you watched.
“Situation?” You demanded, surprised by how calm you sounded.
“A crate landed on his leg, he told us it was broken but then we had hard contact, he walked on it, lost consciousness and fought with some troopers.” Your eyes widened as you assessed him, noticing the rapid swelling on his thigh and you dropped your bag.
“Knife.” Hunter didn’t hesitate, slipping the blade free of his vambrace and handing you the hilt first. They had removed Tech’s utility belt otherwise you’d have cut through that too. There wasn’t time.
With a precise move you ran the blade down Tech’s body suit, the material spreading to reveal his leg, swollen and black as the blood pooled under his skin.
“Look away,” you warned. Using the blade you cut his leg open, not even flinching at the way the blood gushed freely over your hands, staining your tunic and trousers, splashing into your shoes and disappearing through the grated floor of the ship. Just like in your nightmares, it coated your fingers with its slickness and the metallic tang filled the air. Your breath stuttered for a second, a moment of blind panic at the sight of Tech’s blood over you but then you shoved it down.
You barely registered Hunter sending Wrecker outside as you held a hand over the gaping laceration you had created, using some wadding to pack the wound and staunch the flow of blood, trying to remember what to do next.
It was gradual at first, the building of the connection between you but the longer you touched Tech, the more you could feel of him.
His breaths were shallow, his heart was weak, blood pressure had dropped and you knew, you were losing him.
Hunter said something, his voice echoing into an incoherent buzz that you had to shake off. Your blood covered hand spread wider over the laceration, guided by something deep inside you and you concentrated. It felt right, natural, an extension of your touch reaching deeper than your hands ever could. Your eyes closed but still you could see his injury, sensing your way deep into his leg quicker than a mediscanner.
Oblique fracture in the femoral shaft.
The break had to be realigned, his movement after the injury and lack of a splint had worsened his condition, severing blood vessels and damaging nerves, tearing into delicate soft tissue. Gritting your teeth you absorbed some of his pain, forcing the bone pieces together, realigning them, guided by something raw and desperate.
Your breaths were ragged and you felt Hunter’s concern but he didn’t stop whatever you were doing.
“In my kit are rods, long screws and a driver.” He moved at the sound of your strained voice, laying them all out for you beside Tech’s head. Braving opening your eyes you were disorientated by the way you could see, but still sense the bones you were holding.
You worked efficiently, screwing the rods into place and finally releasing the bone, satisfied when it stayed in place. Next you used your fingers to clear out the clot, dumping the congealed masses onto the floor with a mindless efficiency as you worked.
You didn’t have Beetoo’s fine tools here so you called on that lifeline from within, stitching together blood vessels and reconnecting nerves until you felt your own body sag, only for Hunter to slip his arms under yours, holding you up. He didn’t realise, his closeness let you absorb some of his strength.
Next you worked on Tech’s skin, your concentration wavering slightly as you pressed it together, absently reaching for the needle driver and so you could seal it up with physical stitches. Your jaw was clamped tightly in an effort to keep the shakes out of your hands, expertly working the thread with nimble fingers.
“Blood,” you mumbled. “I need someone with Tech’s blood.” Hunter didn’t hesitate. Making sure you could stand first before he stripped down to his bare arm.
Keep going.
You shook away the threat of passing out, handing Hunter one needle so he could insert it himself as you did Tech’s. You located his vein instantly even with how depleted they were. The small transfusion machine hummed quietly as it worked and you dug around for your medscanner with numb fingers.
You weren’t done.
Blood smeared over the screen but you didn’t care, letting the handheld device take his readings and confirm what you knew already. You tugged at his goggles, slipping them up to his forehead so you could open his eyes and shine the light in them, pleased with the reaction his pupils gave.
You stepped back, the scanner falling from your hands and your legs gave out from under you. Hunter bellowed for Wrecker, his hand outstretched but he was tied to the machine and Tech. Sounds were muted, muffled like you were a outside the ship and not involved in what was happening at all.
You weren’t done.
Still you kept the mental connection with Tech, feeling the trickle of his life force weakly beating inside him. Such a small light, and you nurtured it, breathing life into it like you would a small fire. Fuelling it with your own, stoking the embers until they flared.
You knew Wrecker had a hold of you, his strong arms wrapped around you, his distress at the amount of blood was loud, his gruff voice breaking as he tried to get you to answer him.
You felt a hand on the side of your face, such a tender touch made you suck a breath into your lungs just as a Tech took a deep breath at the same time. Your eyes focussed, seeing one grey eye and one white search your face.
“Wrecker,” you breathed and he ducked to touch foreheads with you. He pulled you closer, cradling you in his arms and rocking a little as he called out you were ok to the others.
You weren’t done. “Wrecker, help me.”
“What am I ‘suposed to do?”
“You need to give blood.”
“Blood?”
“I can do it,” Omega said, her voice unsteady when she saw the mess you were in, the state the ship was in and the destruction that was seemingly holding Tech together.
“Stop the machine,” you mumbled as Wrecker placed you in a seat. “Or air will get into the system and t-the needle needs changing.”
“We’ve got it,” Hunter reassured you. The seat you were in was opposite the open ramp and you could see Echo still pacing, head down only coming into your line of sight for a second before he was gone again.
“Ow! Ow!” Wrecker cried out, when Hunter helped stick him with the needle.
“I’ll sit with him,” Omega said, leaving Hunter free to come and check on you.
“Stitch, you with me?”
“Yes,” you whispered, noticing how dark he was with the light of outside behind him.
“What can I do?”
“I need to dress the wound.” You flinched slightly when a cloth was wiped over your face. The touch was gentle, running over your skin but you didn’t have the energy to move away or do it yourself. “Hunter?”
“Hmm?”
“Get Omega out of here.”
“I’m concerned about you right now. What you did…you used it didn’t you?” Your hands were shaking as you looked down, blood was everywhere, slowly darkening as it dried, making the material stiff and uncomfortable. You could still smell it, the ferocious rusty smell as it filled the hold, the breeze from outside stirring it up.
Oxidising, the blood is oxidising due to the reaction of the haemoglobin and the skin lipids…that’s why the smell was so strong.
“Omega…” you whispered, forcing your tired weighted eyes to move. She was standing by Wrecker, her eyes like saucers as she stared at Tech and his undressed wound, bodysuit slashed and skin ripped. “She needs to leave.” You insisted again, making Hunter take note. “Her brother is all over t-the floor!” You hissed, wishing he would just take her and go. No child should see this.
Realisation dawned all too slowly in his gaze and he straightened, calling Echo and hurrying Omega to the door, even as she protested weakly. “Go with Echo, get a gurney for Tech from the medbay.” You heaved yourself off the seat, stumbling your way to Tech and dragging out the sedatives and bacta spray. You dowsed his wound until the liquid ran off the side of the bunk, streaked with even more blood.
“Inject this, here,” you said pointing to Tech’s neck. “My hands aren’t steady enough and my…my grip on his pain is slipping.” You heard the hiss of the driver and allowed some of your consciousness to leave Tech. You weren’t sure how to explain it…releasing one thread at a time and letting them slip through your mental grip while holding onto the rest. The headache you carried was throbbing but still you carried on.
You weren’t done yet.
Hunter wordlessly passed you some pads to clean the wound, covering it with a dressing so Tech could be moved. Your blood stained hands gripped onto the edge of the bunk, fingers feeling the congealing blood and its thick stickiness.
You fumbled for the medscanner even though you didn’t need it. You could feel his heart beat improving, colour was returning to his face and his breathing was more even. Slowly you let go of more threads, reading the numbers on the screen to make sure you didn’t let go of something drastic.
You and Hunter looked up at the same time when Echo reappeared on the ramp, his gaze sweeping in and assessing the damage. He visibly swallowed, his eyes shying away from Tech as he almost crabbed toward you, keeping his back to the occupied bunk.
“I picked you up some clean clothes.” Hunter grabbed them for you, allowing Echo to vanish back outside.
“How much longer do I need to be hooked up?” Wrecker asked.
“Let me get changed and then we can unhook you and move him.” You drifted to the cockpit, every motion you made felt like it wasn’t you. Oddly detached from the way your hands flexed, or what your eyes took in as you tried not to let the horror of nearly loosing Tech overwhelm you.
Hunter put the clothes on the chair. “Stitch…” You heard the door close and assumed he’d left but then you felt him come up behind you. “I’m going to help you.” You didn’t even have it in you to shy away, the protests were there but voicing them was impossible.
His fingers were nimble as he undid the hidden fastenings of your tunic, letting it fall open to reveal you were wearing a vest top underneath. Your eyes fluttered as the fabric slid off your arms and you heard the small, sharp inhale as he saw your shoulders and back for the first time.
He didn’t say anything, but you could feel his seething rage at what had been done to you in those years of slavery. Scars crisscrossed your back, a tapestry of abuse and horrific memories. Some were made by whips cutting deep into your flesh while others had been left by your captors and their rendering claws.
He covered you, letting you pull the tunic around you and hugging your arms before he attempted to work off the stiff, blood stained trousers. This time you heard the quiet rumble in his chest, the brooding anger he festered at wanting to hurt the people who had done this. Your legs had always taken the worst of your abuse, the Master had liked his slaves laid out on the floor. The scars on the back of your legs were taking their time to age as you refused to put bacta on them and waste such a precious resource.
He gently nudged your ankles so you stepped out of the ruined fabric, keeping your eyes trained on the light outside. Life was outside. It moved on, ever rotating while you seemed stuck in your head, trapped by a prison of your own making.
You couldn’t keep your mask on anymore, tears slipped from under your eyelids, dashing on your cheeks as your face rippled with emotion. Hunter didn’t hesitate, wrapping you in his arms and crushing you to his chest as you cried. Trying to keep your sounds low so you didn’t worry Wrecker.
Hunter stroked the back of your head, his earlier rage had quieted to concern for you as he squeezed you as hard he dared. You were coming apart, the seams that had held you together the whole time they were away had corroded to something weak and feeble and now they snapped.
Saving Tech, nearly losing Tech had opened up things that you wanted to stay dead and buried. It all made sense to you now, why you’d always been such a fantastic healer, how you soared through the levels in the Academy. You had been using the Force to enhance your abilities right up until you were taken.
Secrets had a way of being discovered and yours was one that could end your life.
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megamanrecut · 3 months
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some more Return to the Night since it's been awhile since update (again...)
Return to the Night, Part 5 (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, or or Ao3)
"Proto, what is this place?" Turner whispered.
They had just broken through a barricaded door into a decrepit building on the outskirts of town—far away from help of any sort. Dark, powerless hallways yawned at them like endless voids. All was silent, except for a deep ominous creaking coming up from the foundations. Dusty beams of sunlight streamed in through the cracks of dirty, broken windows. The air was stale with the stench of rot, the building itself seemed poised to collapse like a house of cards at the slightest gust of wind.
"Nowhere of significance, just a condemned office complex scheduled for demolition next week," Proto hissed back, a laser pistol cocked and ready in his hand, "—But stay alert…it was a temporary mobster hideout, and there may be guards…"
Instinctively, Proto led the way toward the stairs, which they began to hurry down. The old wooden steps creaked and squawked heinously like angry crows, some actually sinking precariously beneath their feet. Proto gritted his teeth, his pulsar pulse thudding between his ears, though he refused to let any of his anxiety show to Turner, who was dogging him closely, his own laser pistol shaking in his hands. This didn't look good for Elec Man, and If there were guards, they'd already know Turner and Proto were coming.
Floor after floor, they descended until they reached the third-level basement. It was pitch black, and completely silent save for the nerve-wracking racket Proto and Turner were making. There was no point in being subtle, Proto kicked down the door, the flashlight mounted on its nozzle illuminating the room beyond.
The basement was mostly empty—a creepy void with low ceilings and rusted pillars—yet strapped to a utility cart was a lone figure dressed in a black suit that was badly torn, his rimless glasses askew, one lens smashed.
"Elec Man!" gasped Turner.
Proto quickly grabbed Turner by the elbow. "Wait, it could be a trap! I'll go first."
Yet Proto already knew this was unnecessary as he swept the room, checking corners and all the other usual hiding places—Turner, Proto, and Elec Man were the only ones left in the building.
Lowering his laser pistol, Proto rushed over to Elec Man. "Elec Man?" he called quietly, not expecting an answer, fearing the worst. Elec Man looked in rough shape.
Yet Elec Man's eyes cracked open.
"Proto?" he muttered in a weak, disgruntled voice. Elec Man grimaced as he tried and failed to sit up. "You shouldn't be here."
Proto couldn't stop a huge, stupid grin spreading across his face as he began untying Elec Man's bonds. "Missed you too, you stuck-up bastard. Where are your captors?"
"Gone," Elec Man responded dully, looking away. "They humiliated me, then they left me to wait here until the building imploded on top of me."
With a stifled sound curiously similar to a human sob, Turner pelted past Proto like a freight train, throwing his arms around Elec Man in a tight, strangle-hold-like hug. Elec Man gave an involuntary gasp as the air was knocked from him, his broken glasses falling to the floor.
"Hey, hey, knock it off, I'm alright!" Elec Man protested exasperatedly when he had finally taken a breath. "I knew what I was getting into, this is all part of my job. Stop smothering me with sentimentalities, it's unprofessional!"
"I t-thought we weren't going to find you a-alive," Turner stammered as he pulled away from Elec Man. But then he sprang to his feet, standing tall with perfect straight-backed grace, his face shadowed in his best impression of Elec Man's cold mobster demeanor. "Whoever did this to you will regret the day they were constructed. I'll make sure of it."
"Unnecessary, they'll have already fled the country by now," responded Elec Man, still sounding deeply exasperated, though his voice was not quite as sharp as it usually was—that was, until his eyes shifted back to Proto, and did a quick scan from head to sneaker. "…What are you wearing?"
"Shut up, it's your fault. No one wears suits in Light's laboratory," Proto responded testily. "You should talk, your suit looks like it lost a fight with a weed whacker—you still look good though."
"Oh shut up," muttered Elec Man, looking away from Proto. He seemed utterly humiliated, like an athlete who had just lost the championship game.
"I'm just glad you're alive," breathed Turner, smiling broadly at Elec Man. His wintery mobster facade had melted as a completely different personality began to shine through. Then he hesitated, his smile faltering. "But what happened? Who did this to you? I didn't think anyone could beat you!"
"The Syndicate has many enemies," Elec Man responded flippantly.
"But—"
"Later," hissed Elec Man in a voice that indicated they most certainly would not be discussing this later.
Turner's brows raised. He had half opened his mouth to protest, though he glanced uncertainly at Proto.
Proto knew what was going on. Scratching the back of his head awkwardly, he glanced at Turner. "Hey kid, can you give us a moment?"
Turner blinked coldly at Proto. "What? Now? Why?"
"Top Man, please," said Elec Man quietly.
"Top Man?" Proto cocked an eyebrow at Turner, smirking. "Top Man. Heh."
Top Man gave Proto a withering look of deepest disdain, a slightly hurt look to Elec Man, then with great dignity, strode back to the basement door, shutting it with a snap behind him.
Proto's smirk faded as he watched Top Man go, then looked down at Elec Man, who was looking away from him again. He bent down, picking up Elec Man's half-smashed glasses, then tucked them into Elec Man's suit pocket.
"So…the real reason wound up here…" Proto whispered tentatively. "When Top Man backed out of that mission at the ballet, and your creator called it off, did you decide to step in on Top Man's behalf? Go after the target on your own without telling anyone? And then got in waaay over your head."
"That about sums it up—don't tell Top Man or I'll kill you. He'll think this was his fault."
"Oh, we both know whose fault this was—They didn't even kill you? They just….left you to rust? In what I'm guessing is considerable pain?"
"They first tried to reprogram me. Luckily, my creator upgraded my programming…I'm more like you now, not so easy. When that failed, they decided to leave me here…they could always find me again, all they would have to do is dig."
"That's…cold."
Elec Man made a minute jerk with his shoulder—an attempt at a careless shrug. "Mobsters. That's the way of the criminal underworld, as you may recall."
"I looked through the files on your computer…this attack was more personal than typical mobsters."
"…Keep that to yourself."
"I will, but listen…don't get swept up in your bastard creator's personal affairs, okay? You're worth way more than that."
Elec Man's eyes flashed toward Proto, his chin angling up haughtily—Proto couldn't help but be impressed by Elec Man's genuine talent to look intimidating, despite technically being powerless. "It's a family affair, so it's personal for me too."
"But…Elec Man, you almost died, or worse—"
"Proto, I knew what I was getting into. It's not your family. With all do respect, please butt out," Elec Man cut him off with surprising, cold finality.
Feeling slightly hurt, Proto sighed. "Fine. But I have a feeling your family is going to be super pissed at you when they find out how reckless you've been. You're in deep shit, pal. You know what they say…out of the frying pan and into the fire?"
Elec Man swallowed looking obstinently into the blackness surrounding them, but finally asked in a small, reluctant voice. "I know. …Will you do me a favor? Don't tell Pharaoh Man…or my creator, or anyone. I…I don't know how much more trouble I will get in for this."
"Chh, like I'm in contact with any of them anyway," Proto said waspishly, but he smiled. "I won't tattle on you…though you'll have some explaining to do to Top Man. But first, let's get you outta this dump."
Continued in Part 6
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wormstacheangel · 3 years
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When Dean finally rescued Cas from the empty, he expected a happy reunion. He envisioned a strong hug like the first time he had escaped. He expected a long-awaited kiss and repeated confessions that weren’t said with sorrow or heartache. He expected to find the same Cas that was taken, but that would have been too easy.
Cas was left awake, alone, and in complete darkness for months on end.
So when Dean went into the empty, ready to wake up the love of his life, he found Cas curled in on himself—staring blankly out into the void of nothingness. He whispered something so softly and quickly that Dean couldn’t pick up on the actual words, but it sounded familiar. Almost like he was humming a song.
Dean tried to get him to stand up on his own, but he quickly realized that Cas wasn’t even looking at him. His gaze was distant, seeing something Dean can’t even imagine. He then noticed the white film over his eyes dimmed the once bright blue.
His fingertips gently traced over the skin he had only dreamt of touching for months before he took a deep, shaky breath to steady himself. With that slight pause, Dean used whatever desperate strength he had and dragged Cas back to the portal.
Back home.
As they got closer, the light of the portal seemed to startle Cas, and he started to shove Dean away. Dean had to put Cas down so he could take his green jacket off and place it over Cas’s head to calm him before he slowly continued to walk through the portal and into the bunker’s library where Jack, Rowena, Eileen, and Sam were waiting for them.
When they walked through, Dean quickly shushed them as he fell to his knees with Cas still in his arms, hidden under the jacket, and covering his ears at the sudden loud voices surrounding them.
Dean looked around at his family, all sharing the same worried glances knowing they were on the same page. Cas’s welcome home party would be pushed back until further notice.
Cas didn’t cry. His expression didn’t change much at all. All Cas did was sit or lay on Dean’s bed with the lights off. All but the desk light. It was an old lightbulb, so the light wasn’t a bright white like the rest of the place. Instead, it illuminated a soft golden glow against the wall.
Cas squinted at it at first, blinking so inhumanly at it, until all Cas did was stare at it. Whenever Dean made any move to turn it off or even just get near the lamp, Cas made a little whine at the back of his throat.
Little noises were the most Dean can get out of Cas. At least it brought him a little relief. It meant Cas could see him at that moment.
Cas still did that rapid talking or singing whenever it was a little bit too quiet. It made Dean wonder if Cas knew he was out of the Empty. Especially during those times when he would stare right past him, unblinking with cold eyes.
It was only the end of the second week when Dean broke down.
[continue under the cut or on AO3]
He didn’t mean to. He was trying so damn hard to keep it together, especially in front of Cas, but one night he just lost it. He can blame the lack of booze in his system, or as he wants, he can blame Sam, who came up to him about a stupid case. It pissed him off more than it should have. The fact that Sam even believed for a second that he would leave the bunker while Cas was like-well the way he was, just gave him enough of an excuse to raise his voice at someone.
Eileen had to step in and tell him to cool off.
Dean stormed off without a glance back and went to his room. He changed into his pajamas and climbed into bed beside Cas. He laid on his stomach as he wrapped one arm over the top of Cas’s waist, scooting close enough so that he could rest his head on Cas’s shoulder. He then opened his mouth to wish him goodnight just like every night, but something in Dean just broke.
He felt the pressure rise up his throat as he tried to hide his face into the familiar body beside him, but the sob still came.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry it took me so long to go get you. Fuck, Cas, please.” Dean took a shaky breath, sniffling as he reached to hold Cas’s hand closer to him. “We missed- I...I missed you. I missed you so much, Cas.” Dean brought Cas’s hand up to his lips and kissed the knuckles before letting the hand rest by his head. His eyes closed as he sighs, “I love you. So come back to me, okay?"
The only response Dean got was a squeeze of the hand, which was enough hope for the future, and more than Dean could have ever asked for at that moment.
As the days went on, Cas didn’t change. Literally and figuratively. He was still an angel, so there was no need for him to shower or brush his teeth, but Dean swore that Cas’s facial hair was growing, so he liked shaving him at least once a week. Cas seemed to like it by the humming noise he made.
They did learn a couple of things as the days went on.
One, peace and quiet are not what they strive for.
It only brought Cas anxiety, and his humming or singing became much louder and more desperate. They fixed that problem with a Bluetooth speaker constantly playing music in the background, a playlist Jack made mixed in with a playlist Jack helped Dean make. It made the humming stop, and Cas started to roll over in bed. He even sat back against the headboard with his eyes closed a few times.
A month after Cas got back, Dean's phone died in the middle of the night, and the silence must have gotten to him. He covered his ears while he started muttering to himself again. Dean woke up and pulled Cas to his chest while softly sing to him in his still half-asleep phase. He didn’t know why that was his first instinct, but he went along with it cause it started to calm Cas down. Then, Cas held him back for the first time—tucking his head right under Dean's jaw and relaxing.
Dean tried not to stiffen at the touch; if he were honest with himself, he would admit he was trying not to cry because he was busy singing. Busy, not wanting to disrupt this moment.
That night Dean sang all night long until Jack checked on them in the early hours and connected his phone.
Two, always have a light source on.
The lamp was the first one they had. Cas constantly wanted it on, but it bothered Dean all the time when he wanted to sleep. So they bought a cool starlight projector, Sam’s idea, that kept the light on the cement ceiling and not on Dean’s face. Cas seemed to enjoy it as he laid on his back, watching it all night, letting Dean curl up on his side as he slept through the night.
Three, never leave Cas alone.
Nobody wanted to leave Cas alone for more than a minute if they could help it. So they made plans to keep him company at all hours of the day. Of course, they weren’t crowding him. They all came in one by one, except for Dean, who would say, “This is my room. I get to come and go as I damn well please.”
Sam liked to sit by Cas's side and talk nerd like they usually would while cleaning his guns or doing research to help another hunter. He would even pause during the one-way conversation to give Cas some time to answer or try to imagine what Cas would say in that situation. Sam was always calm, wanting to keep it as normal as possible while Cas just stared at him, sometimes his eyebrows knitted together, and Dean had to excuse himself as he felt his chest tighten up.
Eileen sat by his side and watched shows she liked while she talked to Cas out loud and signed so he could hear her voice. Even then, she didn’t talk much. Instead, she let the laptop do the talking as she pets Cas’s hair while sitting on the chair by the bed.
Jack came in the most next to Dean. He liked reading to him or talking about how his skills as the new God have improved thanks to Amara.
"Dad, I hope you'll be proud of me." Jack once whispered to Cas, who was having a bad day, checking out more than usual as he stared off into the distance. Eyes wide and almost screaming.
It was almost the end of the second month when another big mile-stone happened.
Jack was lying in bed with Cas while Dean was at his desk, cleaning his guns obsessively again. Jack was reading him a book he bought during his recent trip to the bookstore with Eileen, it was a Star Wars story.
Jack was getting into the book as he read slower but louder during a big fight scene. He got so excited that he even jumped up and looked back at Cas, "Did you hear that, Dad? He won!"
Cas smiled back at him- a genuine smile- and Dean almost dropped the piece of metal in his hand while Jack froze, his shoulders tightening up while he scrunched up his lips as if trying to hold back his cry.
Instead, he quietly composed himself as he asked in a shaky voice, "You want me to read the rest?"
Cas only blinked at him, keeping the slight smile, and Jack took it as a yes. Jack sat beside him again with a big smile plastered on his face, wiping his eyes every other word, as he rested his head on Cas's shoulder to continue reading. Dean didn’t miss when Cas tilted his head down to rest his cheek on Jack’s hair.
He had to excuse himself again.
After that day, Cas slowly started to open up a little more.
Once Dean woke up with Cas out of bed. Dean was already in full panic mode, his shoes on the wrong feet and jacket inside out as he called out for Sam.
Then just as quick as the panic came, relief flooded him when he found Cas in the kitchen trying to make coffee. He turned towards Dean and gave him the smallest of smiles, but it filled Dean with such solace that he just dragged himself to Cas’s space. Dean held his arms open to press Cas into him, and without a second thought, Cas fell right into him as if it was an everyday normal occurrence.
That was the start of Cas now being up and around the bunker. It was like when a baby starts crawling, everyone keeping tabs on the baby’s first steps, except this baby was an eon old celestial being.
The library, Dean’s room, the Dean-cave, and the kitchen were Cas’s favorite places just to sit. He always had Dean’s headphones on, softly playing music, just in case it went quiet, and it took a while for him to be able to walk around without those.
It was the sixth month when Cas wished Dean a goodnight first and then added, “I love you, Dean.”
Dean fought the lump in his throat, but Cas instantly pulled him in, his arms wrapped securely around him. He had so much he wanted to say to Cas just to hear his voice again, anything to listen to his voice again, but instead, he kisses Cas’s chest before saying, “I love you, too.”
Days came and went. Sometimes it seemed like Cas was getting better as he talked a little more, but then those days would come when he would just stare off into the stars on their ceiling. Not moving an inch or bothering to fake breath like he liked. Those days the music was a little louder, and Cas held on to Dean a little tighter.
“I don’t want to go back. Please,” Cas pleaded as he stared wide-eyed at the darkness in the corner of their room. As if he was having a nightmare with his eyes wide open. “Please don’t make me…I-I don’t want to be in the dark again!”
Dean took Cas’s face in between his hands to hold his gaze. Only talking when he knew Cas was seeing him. “It’s okay, Cas. I got you. Nobody’s taking you away from me ever again.”
“Promise?” Dean felt Cas’s grip at his shoulder, holding him with desperation.
“Promise.”
That’s how Cas became human.
The nightmares have him waking up screaming some days, but at least Cas knew he was safe from the Empty’s clutches.
He was going to live his human life being loved and taken care of, and Dean was happy to say he felt Cas was doing the same for him.
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sukirichi · 3 years
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earned it [06]
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Gojo Satoru is a firm believer that if you work hard for it then you shall earn it. But on the other side, he’s not unfamiliar with his own sins. He also believes that there is punishment due for his sins as he’s earned it.
cw. attempted murder and suicide, angst ig i feel nothing at this point because NAOYA 😭
notes. i’m rolling with the earned it jokes that reader is shippable with everyone so HAH enjoy this chapter because I didn’t enjoy the last LMAO (IM SO EXCITED FOR TOJI TO APPEAR!)
series masterlist
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Your muscles throbbed, the pounding of your heart felt even through your skin. You’ve spent hours in the training room, taking punch by punch, landing blow by blow – yet no matter how hard you tried, you kept falling on your ass. At this point, your backside was beyond sore, skin drenched with sweat and clothes sticking uncomfortably to the surface. Meanwhile, your ‘savior’ barely felt the need to catch his breath, instead gazing down at you with disappointment written all over his face.
“Why do you expect so much from me?” you panted, fists clenched on the mat. “Didn’t you tell me you just needed me to get your money back and that’s it? I didn’t ask for you to do anything so stop telling me I’m indebted to you all the time.”
Naoya clicked his tongue, clearly disappointed by your lack of resolve. Above you, he swept up his cane and finally balanced himself. You previously thought he didn’t struggle because he looked so calm and composed, easily overpowering you even with his injury, but his lips were strained, jaw clenched tight that perhaps he was just good at concealing his pain. It made you shut up and watch his every move; his back faced you – probably to hide whatever fleeting moment of vulnerability he had.
“I won’t always be there to save your sorry life,” he said calmly, “You need to learn how to be strong on your own no matter how tough it gets. Now if you’ll keep complaining instead of finishing your training, I could happily lock you up and force you to do my dirty work for me.”
“Then why don’t you go ahead?!”
“I don’t want to,” Naoya responded without missing a beat. He easily closed the distance with a few staggered steps, his head tilted to the side as he surveyed you.
You wondered what went through his mind. Did he see a weak woman? A woman who must be so helpless, so useless that you stayed there, legs too tired and muscles aching too much you couldn’t move? There was no telling with Naoya, and his guarded gaze didn’t help either. Satoru had always been difficult to read at most, but with Naoya – it was practically impossible.
Even as he cupped your chin and twisted it sideways, his eyes narrowed over all your features like he saw something you didn’t, he was too guarded.
“I need you in taking down Gojo Satoru. In order to accomplish that, I have to use his weakness against him. You showing up won’t be enough. No, I want to hurt him…and what better way than to take what was once his, right? Dangle right in front of his eyes what he let go of, make him regret his actions?” his smile turned dark, and for the first time since you’ve met him, you got a glance of what his heart really looked like.
It wasn’t true that Naoya was heartless – no, he just had a dark, sinister heart that didn’t beat the same tune as others. He played his own music with the bones of his enemies, drinking their lifeline from a gold cup and drowning in them, his ominous laughter the perfect antithetical melody of what could’ve been angelic hums.
“Don’t you want that?”
His question made your heart skipped a beat. This whole time, you’ve been so hell bent on achieving something, but what you wanted to reach had never been clear. You were too driven by emotions, by the pain Satoru’s absence had caused, and now that the opportunity was presented before you, you faltered.
“I don’t know what I want.”
“Well, if you ask me what I want…” he tilts your chin up with his finger “It would be to see you strong enough that even you would be capable of taking me down. So be strong, keep fighting – I’ll be there with you every step of the way. You only have one job, and that is to live. I am not allowing you to give up at the slightest of minor inconveniences.”
“And if I get weak?” you questioned with an oscillating tremor, the bite of his cold skin against your heated ones spiking. “If I want to give up? Would I fail you then?”
“I don’t think you’re someone who cares about failing others, so don’t fret whether you’d please me or not,” Just like that, Naoya’s scornful tone had risen again. He let go of you until you dropped down to your palms, blinking back at the sudden change of atmosphere. “Like I said, just do what you need to do, keep going. Don’t look back or be afraid to take the next big step because I’ll always be there right beside you.”
“Why should I trust you?”
“I’m not asking you to, princess,” he snickered, already half way to the door that only he was allowed to go in. Even though you’ve been staying in his manor for quite some time, there were still some things Naoya didn’t trust you with, leaving you only more curious to find out the secrets within.
“Only time will tell. But once you’ve made your decision, know that my ring is always waiting beside your table,” his voice echoed through the large room, stopping in his tracks to look at you once more. This time, he had no haunting features, only the cold emptiness likened to staring back to an infinite void of nothingness.
“I expect an answer when I get home.”
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You still remembered the day you decided to wear his ring. Naoya had come then, tired and aggravated from matters he didn’t bother explaining. You stood on his doorway, lips shut tight as you nervously fiddled with your ring, unsure if whether you should tell him or allow him to piece the puzzle himself.
Thankfully, Naoya was a lot more observant than you gave him credit for.
His eyes slid over your face before he followed the motion of your fingers, smirking as the jewel glinted under the bright lights of his home. Wise choice, he’d once told you, and you believed it.
Your life hadn’t been the same ever since. Your spontaneous marriage equated to hellish training of perfecting your image as his trophy wife, spending hours in his secret laboratory and discussing business plans through a glass of wine. Naoya wasn’t around much to teach you everything and it pained him to be your own trainer too so you had to ask help from his guards, refusing to give up and fall down even as your muscles screamed at you to take a break. For Naoya, with Naoya, giving up and running away felt like a myth; a buried solution in the past that should never be brought up again. But now that he was gone, you did exactly that.
You’d given up. Satoru had made you run away.
“Miss,” a deep voice cut you from your thoughts. You tore your gaze away from the  glowing night city of Milan to turn to Satoru’s right hand man, the tall figure looming rather shyly instead of imposingly. “You haven’t eaten since we got here. Would you like anything? Mr. Gojo will cover your expenses.”
“I want to go home.”
He froze at your deadpan statement. Finally meeting your gaze under his lashes, Geto pursed his lips. “You know we can’t do that, Miss. It’s unsafe back in Japan.”
“And who’s to say Toji won’t follow us here?” you snapped, pushing your weight off the Cleopatra set and uncrossing your legs. “Why can’t your stupid boss just activate the account and give it back to us? I think we’ve made it clear we’re more than capable of handling our finances, and I’m pretty sure Satoru doesn’t need any more money when he can afford all this.”
“Mr. Gojo…has his reasons for everything he does.”
You laughed bitterly. Maybe it was the fact that Satoru had left this morning for whatever business he had that you didn’t have anyone else to let your anger out to that you’d swiped your gun under your thigh holster and dashed his way.
Geto’s back slammed against the wall, the cool barrel of your gun pressed to his jaw. He swallowed nervously, eyes darting to your weapon, and you laughed heartlessly. “Oh, please, do tell because nothing makes sense,” you crooned, flipping the safety off and letting your heated gaze meet his rather docile ones. You almost felt bad for him. Almost.
“I could easily put a bullet through your head and hijack his plane. I’ll be gone before you know it and who’s to stop me from doing that? Why should I stay here any longer with you?”
“Because your husband asked you to,” Geto responded softly. You stepped back with wide eyes, yesterday’s event crashing all over you once again. He must’ve sensed you no longer held any hostility because he used his pointer finger to move the barrel away from him, gently peeling your hands off his suit. “Because you know, if you go back to Japan, there will be nothing waiting for you there.”
You balled your fists. “I will kill Fushiguro Toji myself. Then I’ll kill Satoru.”
“Even if he used to be your lover?”
“Especially because he used to be my lover.”
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Okay…maybe your plan of escaping and returning to Japan hadn’t worked out that well. Exhaustion finally crept up to your senses that you passed out not long after attacking Geto – who reassured you to no end he wasn’t mad you tried to kill him – and days have passed ever since. You hated to admit it, but being stuck in an overseas hotel wasn’t so bad. Geto’s presence was a lot more comforting than his master’s that you didn’t mind having him watch your every move. Plus, he was really nice to immediately follow your every whim. You wanted hot chocolate? Extra pillows? A really expensive wine that you refused to pay for because you were petty and dramatic? He provided it all without question.
Except he probably should have, because you’d stripped off to your underwear, head tipped back to take one final swig of the nearly empty bottle as you slid deeper into the tub.
Your fiery nature of rolling your eyes at Satoru every time he came around (which was rare, for some reason) couldn’t fool anyone – not even yourself. The moment Geto retired to the living room, you would bite the pillows to muffle your cries, thinking back to when Naoya was still alive. It was an endless torment of what if you had stayed, what if you had pushed the rubble off him, what if you just saved him?
Would he still be alive? Would he have survived? Would you be back with him in the Zen’in Estate instead of holding your breath under the tub in a desperate attempt to conceal your tears?
It hurt so bad. It hurt everywhere.
Your lungs begged you to rise up and breathe, but you stayed still under the water, eyes shut tight and hands clenched around the tub’s edges so hard your knuckles turned white. Soon, you grew dizzy and your grip slipped away. Finally, fucking finally, you were falling, falling way too deep that your legs bent inside the tub. Bubbles erupted from your lips in one last breath. At the back of your mind, you let out a sincere laugh for you’d meet your husband soon. He’d be disappointed, probably scold you all the way to the afterlife – until strong arms pulled you out of the tub and into someone’s chest instead.
“Shit, what are you doing?! You could’ve drowned!”
You coughed out water and fisted Satoru’s button-up shirt that had now clung to his skin from the water. Looking around you, you were still very much alive, the uncomfortable twisting of your heart a painful reminder of that. Above you, Satoru sat you in his lap while he remained cross-legged on the floor, muttering curses under his breath as he wrapped a towel around you.
Scoffing, you pushed his hands away, though you kept the towel anyway to lessen your shivering. Why the fuck was the AC so damn strong here?
“Dying seems like a better option, don’t you think?” you snarled at him, teeth chattering from the chill that had begin to seep in.
Momentarily, you worried on how much of a hot mess you probably looked like. Smudged eyeliner, wine-stained lips, unbrushed hair and remnants of the wine mixing with the once clear bath water – you shook your head at the thought and glared at Satoru.
“Where the fuck have you been?”
“I was out contacting friends to ask for help. We’re going to need a hundred pairs of eyes watching anywhere that Toji could possibly come through.”
“Is this your pathetic idea of ‘keeping me safe’? Locking me up in this stupid hotel and having your man watch me all the time?” you pushed yourself off him, the sudden motion of standing up giving you wobbly legs. Satoru reached over to steady you but you slapped his hand away, your glare warning him to not take another step.
Seeing his face, seeing him worried as if he didn’t just cause your life to turn into absolute hell, you wanted to grab the wine bottle and smash it right at his pretty face. He had no right to look at you with pity.
You hated him, utterly and terribly despised this man with your entire being.
“What are you really planning, Satoru? Why can’t we just come back home and attack Toji with all we’ve got? Why don’t you just give back our fucking money so we can end all this for once and for all and I can leave?!”
“Because I don’t have the money!”
“What?”
“The money…” Satoru’s back slid off the wall, his palm coming up to thread through his hair. He sounded weak, defeated. “I don’t have it.”
“Gojo,” you snatched him by the collar, teeth bared as you demanded, “What do you mean you don’t have it?”
Satoru paled. “When I stole the money from the Zen’ins, the figures were all fake. They’re not real, there’s no actual money hidden behind their accounts and it was too late before I realized that,” his lips trembled as he continued, “Whatever Toji placed in there, it’s not his actual account where he hides everything and it would make sense too because I stole it too easily – almost as if they wanted me to take it. A few hacks here and there and it was immediately wired to me but after meeting you…” Satoru shook his head, chin dropped down low. “I checked again and the account never existed. It’s a fake one. The digits are just there for show.”
“So then why would Toji want it? Why did my husband have to die for nothing?!”
“I don’t know, okay, I don’t know anything!” he argued back until your faces grew closer, his nose brushing with yours.
Somehow, you couldn’t pull away. His knees had drawn up, forcing you to rest on his thighs as you both breathed heavily, your grip on his collar almost havered.
“Whatever the Zen’ins are hiding, that’s beyond me. I may be in the business for far longer than they have, but they have always been notorious with their possessions that I’m not surprised even I can’t find where it really leads back to. Whatever Toji is hiding there, your husband must’ve known something about it. Why else would they fight tooth and bone over it?”
“If there was, Naoya would’ve told me about it.”
“He would if he trusted you,” Satoru suddenly grabbed your wrist and shook it until you stared at your ring. “How are you even so sure he could trust you with that information? Have you forgotten you’re just a pawn to his game and you’re nothing but a bed warmer?”
“Don’t you ever speak about us that way. You don’t know how much he cared for me.”
“If he really did, then why didn’t he tell you why his cousin is after you? He’s using you as bait, Y/N. I’m not the bad guy here. That man you’re so deeply in love with? I can’t guarantee he’s better than me. We’re all men in the mafia, love is the last thing we would care about.”
You pushed yourself off him.
His words stung too much, not because it was a lie, but because you know there was some sort of truth ringing behind it. You trudged out of the bathroom and sat on the bed, unstirred by the fact you dripped all over the carpeted floor. From behind you, Satoru’s rushed footsteps echoed, but you didn’t care. You simply threw on a robe with your back turned to him.
“And you’d know that better than everyone right? Considering how easy it was for you to leave me?” When Satoru didn’t respond, you chuckled humorlessly and sat on the bed. “What Naoya and I had…it was a friendship that healed my soul. I don’t…I don’t know what to do without him.”
“Friendship?”
You smiled sadly. “I wasn’t actually in love with him, idiot. Men like Naoya don’t know what love is, but he sure does know how to protect family.”
The notion of talking about him, of accepting that maybe he really was gone…somewhat reliving.
Satoru was the last person you wanted to talk to your late husband about, but Geto – which is the much better company – wasn’t around, and you hugged your knees to yourself, refusing to let Satoru see through your vulnerability.
“You know, I trusted him more than I did myself. He was always there for me, no matter what. His soul was dark, angry, corrupted – he’s not the man I would fall for, but despite all that, he was the friend I needed,” you buried your face in your knees, voice muffled as you cried, your heart shattering again and again and again.
The ring on your finger had never felt so heavy ever since you wore it.
“I loved him as much as I hated you.”
Satoru was silent, so much so that you wondered if he was even in the same room at all. You sat there crying, too hopeless to even try to conceal it anymore. Shivering, you close your eyes and forced the image of Naoya’s last moments away from your memories, desperately praying to whoever had mercy that you could just forget all about it.
“Geto told me you tried to kill him,” Satoru murmured after a beat, “You could’ve easily escaped and went back to Japan if you wanted to, so why didn’t you? Was it because of me?”
You remembered what you tried to do today.
Just like that, Naoya was alive once more. You were brought back to the day of your wedding when he’d clasped your sweaty, clammy hands in his, rubbing some warmth in them before pressing a kiss at the top of your knuckles. He’d asked you to promise him something then – an entire contrast from his constants orders over your well-being – and it was a promise you’d momentarily forgotten; a promise you’d broken out of mourning.
“Naoya once told me,” you reminisced through dry, cracked lips and even more shattered heart, the picture of his disappointment as clear as day. “Death was the only place he can go where he would never allow me to follow.”
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It took a lot, but it somehow got better. After allowing yourself a faint moment of weakness where Naoya resurfaced in your mind to remind you of our promise and your purpose, you felt stronger, somewhat steadier with each step you took. You were still wary around Satoru, although that was a given.
His friend, Geto, was really nice, on the other hand, and you couldn’t explain why you always lowered your guard around the formal dark-haired assistant.
You and Geto were playing chess when Satoru barged in out of nowhere, a plate and a syrup condenser on his hand. “So I got you breakfast,” was his greeting, nodding at Geto once as a silent order to give you two privacy. You pouted as the latter left, but soon your attention had been diverted to the heavenly aroma filling in your senses. Seeing your approval, Satoru hid a smile behind his dark sunglasses. “Still like pancakes?”
“Trying to get into my good graces now?”
“I’m just trying to cheer you up.”
You rolled your eyes but snatched the plate from him anyway. “So I talked to my lawyer,” you begun, pouring syrup all over the fluffy bread until it was almost spilling to the sides. Beside you, Satoru’s snickers were barely muffled, to which you ignored wholeheartedly. “They’ve already processed my inheritance over Naoya’s possessions and assets. Once we return to Japan, I’ll be the next leader of the Zen’in Clan, much to the disappointment of his elders, of course, but they can’t do anything about it,” you informed him with your fork hanging in mid-air, the words falling thickly. “You know what that means, don’t you?”
“That we’re back to being enemies?”
You offered him a sarcastic smile. “Naoya lied about strengthening his alliance with your family. He doesn’t actually give a fuck about you.”
“I figured that much,” he snickered to himself, shifting his weight until his elbows rested on his thighs. “Listen…a friend of mine is flying to Milan tonight to meet us. They have strong connections with banks all over the world and they brought in some information about that hidden Zen’in account. I think we’re finally getting off to somewhere and finding out what really is in there,” Satoru gauged for your reaction, but you kept eating – more like stuffing the pancakes inside your mouth for you were finally free of having to act perfect without your husband.
Satoru’s hand landed on top of yours. “I promise…I’ll give it back to right where it belongs. As soon as it’s wired back to you, I’m setting you free.”
You stared at the unwanted figure over you, and you snatched your hand back, waving a bread knife below his lashes. “You can’t set me free when I was never yours,” you sang breathily, the tip of the blade hovered right at his lips. Satoru raised a brow at you, but you quickly retrieved the knife back with widened eyes. “Now that you mention it…I think Naoya told me something about his family stashing secret weapons and even heirlooms through offshore accounts and buried under islands. He was a little sleepy during that time but I remember it,” pushing the plate away from you as you lost your appetite, you clutched your palms under your chin in thought. “He said he was looking for something he lost as a child, possibly an heirloom.”
“He’s doing all this for heirlooms?” Satoru immediately coughed his words back when you glared at him, raising his hands in surrender. “I mean, I was just saying. I didn’t think he was a sentimental type of guy.”
“The question here is what both Toji and Naoya could’ve both wanted from that account. It’s not just an heirloom, obviously there’s something there worth more than money,” You argued and slapped your knees, heading straight to your (unfortunately) shared room. “Whatever. I’ll get this over with as soon as I get the money back.”
Satoru, as always, was hot on your heels. It annoyed you how he trailed over you like some sort of puppy or shadow – Naoya had always been too classy to not give you space.
The difference between them just kept getting more and more uncannily obvious.
“Whoa there, stop. Did you really think I’d give back the money to you and that’s it? Are you forgetting the fact Toji is out there to kill you just so he can have his hands on it?”
“He can have the money for all I fucking care,” you shrugged and sat on your bed, scrolling through numerous piles of emails and records that Naoya entrusted you to keep. Surely you could find something. “I just need to find whatever Naoya’s spent his whole life killing for.”
“Why don’t you care about the money? Didn’t Naoya expect you to take over his business?”
Your thumb froze over a file. Suddenly, your throat grew dry, and you quickly flashed Satoru a stinky eye. “I-it’s not my main concern.”
“It’s not safe for you. If Toji finds out—”
Got it. You bookmarked an email Naoya had forwarded you around three years ago and resent it to an old friend, pocketing the phone back to your pyjamas before Satoru could see. “I’ll handle it. I’ve been doing well so far before you came into our lives again,” you finalized, stopping for a bit as you waited for that all-too familiar footfall matching with yours, only for the room to be coated in silence.
Satoru stood there on the other side of the room, eyes deep in thought before he sighed. “I’ll meet you at the hotel restaurant tonight. We have a lot to discuss on what our next move should be,” nodding once, Satoru left the room.
The hotel room was eerily silent.
Dinner came around faster than you expected. With Geto out to run some errands for Satoru, something about ‘establishing bases’ or whatever, you were locked in your room, using Naoya’s black card to get enough amount of clothing to last you for your stay here. Even though Satoru had promised he’d take care of everything, you didn’t want to be in his debt for any longer. You weren’t his, you were Naoya’s, and you shot down his curious looks when heaps of shopping bags had been delivered to your door.
An hour later, you left the room, struggling to zipper the back of your dress. Satoru was already in the living room buttoning up his suit jacket, just as handsome as ever (though you’d never tell him that.)
His hands froze in the last button once his eyes landed on you, and you huffed at him, too distressed to even act cute or bothered while pointing to your dress. Satoru strode to you in three long steps, his cold fingers brushing against the dip of your spine when he clutched on the zipper.
You had to bite your lip down to prevent the shivers from spilling through, his lips dangerously close to your ear as he whispered, “You look great.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
If Satoru was bothered by the lack of sincerity in your voice, he didn’t comment on it. He removed his hands from you and watched as you slipped black velvet gloves through your arms – just in case you had to end up killing someone; leaving fingerprints was a risk you couldn’t take.
“Did you really get dressed to kill?”
“I came here to negotiate,” you corrected, “I’ll do everything I can to find out whatever’s behind that offshore account. And you, sir,” Frowning at him, you pulled Satoru closer by the tie, perhaps a little too harshly since he nearly knocked his head with yours. He was quick to steady himself as you fixed his tie, flattening it down with your fingers. “You need to know where you should stick your nose in. This is more my business than yours so don’t get in my way acting all hero and shit. I assure you I can handle myself.”
“You’re really going to berate me for worrying about you?”
“You can no longer worry about me,” you disclosed, snatching your black purse from the counter before doing the come hither motion at his shock-still figure. “Now let’s go. We have a case to crack.”
“Case to crack? You sure sound like a detective.”
You snickered, but made no further comment. The elevators dinged and you arrived at the restaurant, which you really regretted not visiting soon enough because the place was grand. Red carpeted floors, golden chandeliers, soft jazz music playing in the background as the lights dimmed down low, the faint clinking of utensils against plates and light chatter of the guests so heartbreakingly nostalgic.
It seemed that even after his death, Naoya had every intention to never leave your side. The setting reminded you too much of your never-ending late night fancy dinners.
Naoya being Naoya, he didn’t blink twice in flaunting his money and renting out entire restaurants all for himself, claiming that he just ‘wanted to have an intimate moment with his wife.’ Sure, it mostly consisted of you discussing what move you should make next, but it was the most affectionate gesture you’ve received after spending years in the quiet and cold environment of the Zen’in Estate.
The outside world wasn’t any better when you and Naoya were marked as targets by the entire government, so it made sense, that only with him that you’d find comfort in.
You must be so out of it you never even noticed Satoru leading you to your seat, a warm meal that should’ve been comforting right under your nose. It was too much – too similar that you headed straight for the wine, ignoring Satoru’s questioning gaze. You noticed from the corner of his eye that he opened his mouth too many times in an attempt to make light conversation, but this dinner wasn’t for you to rekindle your old flame.
No, you were here to wait for his ‘friend’ and review important matters. You were determined to fulfill that purpose alone and only that alone that you never once made eye contact with him, even standing up to reach the salt shaker near him instead of asking him to pass it.
Just as you leaned back to your seat, the music grew louder. A foreign man walked to the stage where he was basked in the spotlight, all heads turning to him when he tapped the microphone, sending little echoes all over the hall. “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s loosen up tonight with a drink and bring our lovers out here on the dance floor,” he sang while swaying side to side, snapping his fingers to the beat that had turned into calming to sensual. “It is a fine evening, isn’t it? Come on, don’t be shy, the night is still so young!”
You dropped your fork beside the plate. “Did you know about this?”
“I swear, I had no idea.”
“Those two attractive lovers in table 42, the dance floor is still much too spacious!”
“Pretty vulgar for a five star hotel,” you commented under your breath and dabbed the pasta sauce off your lips with a napkin, slapping it down the table as you stood up – much to Satoru’s surprise who’d tried to make himself invisible from the host’s eyes. Stupid him; did he really think he could blend in with his sunglasses and snow white hair?
If you were to be honest, you’d rather choke on shrimp than dance with him, but you had an image to upkeep. If you couldn’t gather with the crowd and pretend to be one with others, both your true natures would be fished out even with innocent eyes. You were left with no choice but to be comfortable in the dance floor, sighing deeply as you placed your hands down on Satoru’s wide shoulders. He furrowed his brows at you but said nothing else; strong, cautious hands sliding down from your back before they settled at the curve of your hips.
“Keep your hands to yourself, Mister. I won’t hesitate to stab a fork through your jugular right here.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I know you’re not my little angel anymore.”
Angel. It was what he used to call you back then – when you were still but an innocent, naïve being who never believed in monsters until you fell for one.
He was right; you were no longer his angel. The woman he loved had been left abandoned in the street, the purity of her soul tainted with anger and heartbreak that soon bathed in blood and the need for revenge. His angel was no more – the woman he danced with was nothing but a replica of the face and body he adored the most. Now, you danced with him, not as his angel and neither as his rival’s wife, but simply as a woman whose kindness had long vanished into thin air.
Satoru danced with the devil.
And he should be disgusted just as you should be repulsed with how sickeningly smooth and graceful he was in everything he did, but the wine – yes, it was the fucking wine – messed with you that you actually enjoyed it. Your bodies moved in rhythm and syncopated with the beat, the romantic high notes of the violin and the tender embrace of deep trebles like a classical painting coming to life and you were its subjects to be expressed.
Perhaps…you were just sad. You grieved and mourned too much you’d momentarily forgot what love was, in turn making you forget what it felt like to be constantly unsafe and peeking over your shoulder in case someone tried to kill you.
Satoru just felt so warm, so safe and alive that you found your head dipping lower, your muscles relaxing around his soothing and undeniably tender touch, the space between your bodies diminishing until you surrendered to the power of your desire. You were so close, your ear about to press on his chest to listen to the blissful sound of someone’s reassuring heartbeat along with the music, and then you saw him.
A tuft of blonde hair, a chiseled face, a nude cream suit and a deep blue shirt beneath – what the fuck was he doing here?
The spell was broken in an instant.
Satoru must’ve been under the same trance for his hand trailed lower to pull you closer, your chests grazing with one another before you placed your palm flat on his body, lips thinned into a grim look that resonated with the sick, twisting feeling in your guts.
“I,” you croaked out, clearing your throat when it went dry. “I need to go to the ladies.”
You left Satoru without another word, bunching your dress up to run to where he had disappeared. He was still walking coolly and inspecting the paintings hung in the empty lobby with faux interest – although knowing him, the bastard probably did enjoy classical pieces and studied about them in his free time; which he didn’t have much to begin with.
As if sensing your presence, he stopped right in front of a replica of The Sleeping Venus, his hands dug deep in his pockets. “The shape of being is the visual demonstration of a state of being in which idealized existence is suspended in immutable slow-breathing harmony. All the sensuality has been distilled off from this sensuous presence, and all incitement; Venus denotes not the act of love but the recollection of it. The perfect embodiment of Giorgione’s dream, she dreams his dream herself,” he narrates in his baritone voice, “A little cordial, is it not?”
You took your gun out from your thigh holster and lowered it right at the back of his skull. “Don’t move another inch.”
“No need to be so hostile in a public setting, Y/N. I’m only here to look out for you and making sure you’re not forgetting who you are. Killing me isn’t part of the plan.”
“Neither was murdering my husband,” you growled, pushing the barrel harder against him, though the man didn’t budge before you. “I know that it wasn’t Toji who set off the bomb, Kento, you did.”
“We simply saw an opportunity that couldn’t be wasted. Two notorious mafia leaders in an unsuspecting supposed safe environment?” The fact he didn’t even deny it left you speechless. Kento spun around until your gun rested between his eyes, and he languidly pushed his glasses up his high nose as he looked down on you. “We could’ve killed two birds with one stone had you not been in the way.”
“You guys are out to kill me too now?”
“Don’t act too surprised. The Organization isn’t patient enough to wait for both leaders to die.”
“So you killed my husband?!” you argued, “He was my friend, I told you not to touch him!”
“Only in the exchange that you hand him to us,” Kento echoed, jogging your memory until you were kept up to date. “But it’s been five years and what has happened so far? You’re fraternizing with the enemy and even manufacturing drugs for your so-called husband. Now that he’s dead, you’re here in Italy, looking as stunning as ever as you wine and dine with a former lover,” Kento tilted his head to the side to study your appearance – smiling at how you seemed too bright and fashionable for a woman in supposed mourning.
“I hardly believe you’re actually affected by this at all.”
“How dare you! I’ve proven to no end my loyalty of the higher-ups!”
Kento didn’t bat an eye at your outburst. If anything, he stepped closer to your weapon. “Kill me if you wish, Y/N, but know the moment you put a bullet in my head, the Organization will place you on the same pedestal as Naoya’s and Gojo’s. I wouldn’t recommend such methods considering we’re already at unease on whose side you’re really on. If you do this, you will be our enemy.”
“I did everything for the Organization. What else would you want from me?”
“The contract was easy. We want both leaders – whether dead or alive – in our custody. If you don’t hold your side of the deal, it’s not only your life that we’ll take from you,” Kento pulled out a red coin that made your heart sink deep into your stomach for it served as a threat over the consequences of your actions.
He lowered your gun with the coin and smirked at you, his lips right beside the shell of your ear as he purred, “I suggest you be careful with what step of action you take next.”
“Oi, Nanami, you’re here!” Satoru’s voice suddenly boomed in the hallway. Nanami was as unbothered as ever from taking a step away from you, nodding to your gun which you quickly concealed right before Satoru arrived. You were frozen – rendered immobile with the flashing red metal from his palm – that you couldn’t even protest against Satoru wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “I see you’ve met Mrs. Zen’in already.”
“Hmm, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Madam,” taking your hand in his, Kento’s eyes were nothing but eerie as he kissed your knuckles. “Shall we start our discussion?”
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SUKI RANTS! Nanami quoted Sydney Joseph Friedberg (an art critic) in one of his dialogues. A little backstory on the painting was that the portrait was originally made by Giorgone, who had a student and also his lover (if I’m not mistaken) called Titian. Giorgone never finished the portrait because he died from the plague but Titiane finished it for him, symbolizing that Y/N still has a mission that connected her from Naoya even after his death and she has to finish something he started. The portrait is of a nude woman that symbolized oneness of nature and that the woman isn’t posed for the gaze of men, but rather they are dreaming, hence the quote: “Venus denotes not the act of love but the recollection of it. The perfect embodiment of Giorgione’s dream, she dreams his dream herself.” Nanami said the painting’s meaning resonated with Y/N’s situation too much since she wasn’t in love with Naoya, but she had a recollection of their moments that still represented their relationship, and that Naoya’s dream (goals) are also shared by Reader. I was gonna ask you guys what your theories are on that scene but I think this makes me sound cooler if I explain it so *lip bite emoji because I’m still broken over Naoya’s death*
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taglist open (lmk if you want to be added/removed):
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cheekygreenty · 3 years
Text
In My Head - The Darkling x Reader
Supppeer angsty and kinda sad?
The fire engulfed the golden kefta in a water-like rhythm. The cracks and sparks echoed in the open field amongst the silence that settled around all of you. Alina was exhausted, Zoya was grieving, the Ketterdam criminals looked shaken too. But you were unmoving, as still as a painting and not showing a single emotion. They had all witnessed your heartbreak as it fell and crashed the world around you, breaking every part of you. They watched as realization flooded you that you never truly knew Aleksander. They watched as he tore your heart from your chest and threw it into the depths of the Fold to rot.
Painted a picture,
I thought I knew you well
It was humiliating. Alina had tried to warn you but you played her off as selfish and unwilling to use her powers for the good of all Grisha. You told her she was stupid and foolish for loving an otkazat'sya when in reality you were the fool for loving a man that didn't exist.
You told her she was crazy, that Aleksander would never lie to you and that he was good because you knew him. In truth, you were no better than him. You blindly followed everything he said, completely ignoring the alarm bells in your head. You had grown used to them as weeks went by, to the point of the alarm playing a low comforting tune in your mind all day and all night.
There weren't enough apologies in the world to say sorry for the things you'd done and said to Alina and she'd insisted that no apology was necessary because it wasn't your fault, 'It's not your fault you only see the good things about people' she whispered to you before she left to change. But the good things about him weren't there; they never existed. It was all in your head, a mind so desperate for love it concocted a whole new Aleksander, one which you loved so much and would do anything for.
I got a habit of seeing what isn't there
'We were all fooled Y/N, Don't blame it all on yourself' Despite her grieving and sorrow, Zoya's hand rested on your shoulder briefly as a sign of comfort. Without her, you wouldn't have been here right now, alive and breathing.
'I don't blame myself. I hate myself for being so blind'
'Me too'
I thought that you were the one
But it was all in my head
------
You could feel the nothingness of the Fold threading through your hair even inside Alina's tunnel of safety. You stared at her shackled feet, pushing the guilt away and replacing it with a sense of righteousness. There was nothing else that could be done to keep her in check, if she wanted to escape and hide from her destiny forever then she would do so over your dead body.
The Fold needed to be gone and if chaining her to the skiff was going to be the only way she obeyed then so be it. Your mind quickly spiraled back to her hasty words back in the tent. She was panicked and desperate, clinging to your arm like a wailing child begging to be heard. Her lies were bizarre and abundant, no doubt the works from her long journey to the Stag but they were unbelievable. So extreme even a Fjerdan would laugh at their ridiculousness.
The skiff suddenly stopped, Novokribirsk visible in the distance with lines of First-Army troops standing in neat lines.
'Why have we stopped?' A dignitary asked and you wondered the same thing. You searched the skiff for anyone with an explanation, but everyone looked equally as confused but Alina looked mortified. What is going on?
'One more demonstration. You’ve seen what the Sun Summoner can do' You whipped your head around to him slightly moving away but his arm pulled you back to his side with an edge. You heard the loud jangle of Alina's chains as she tried to move. 'Now bear witness to what I can do… with her power.'
He pushed you to Ivan, who took no time in holding you back by the arms, caging you in his grasp. You resisted on the simple basis that you didn't know why you were being restrained just like Alina but the answer came all too soon. There was no time to shout or gasp as Aleksander raised his own hands and the black shadows of the Fold expanded into Novokribirsk, killing everything in its path.
You stood motionless as the horrible sounds of volcra swarming and humans screaming flooded the air. Alina's words came back to you again but you didn't listen. No, you didn't want to. Zoya seemingly came down from the mainsail and looked at the black void in a hypnosis-like stare but nobody dared say anything. There was a silence on the skiff while hundreds and thousands of lives ceased to exist in a matter of seconds.
The comforting tune in your head had suddenly turned into a blinding screech, rendering you frozen and flabbergasted. He did this, Aleksander did this. How could he do this? You tried to fight the heartrenderer off, squirming desperately in his arms to cover your ears from the slaughtering sounds. Your knees had given out by now and Alina was on the floor of the skiff, struggling to get up due to the heavy and awkward chains. I put them there.
'Today, we redraw all the maps. With the power of the Sun Summoner at my command, I control the Fold.' A sob erupted from your throat right at the minute you realized Alina was right. You didn't listen, this is all my fault. Ivan pulled you back up, roughly smacking a hand over your mouth to stop your pathetic cried of betrayal. You fought a little harder, trashing around in hopes of escaping his hold or at least getting someone's attention but nobody seemed to care. They all feared for their lives.
'All countries will answer to us. For who would oppose us now?' He briefly shot a look in your direction but spared you no emotion. It was then that you saw the real Aleksander, blood-thirsty for power and revenge. The Black Heretic.
Everything you are made you
Everything you aren't
The next five minutes were a complete blur. You somehow found yourself fighting for your life and those around you. Your head was empty of its usual whirling thoughts as survival mode kicked in. Kill or be killed. You stopped counting how many hits you got or how many bruises were forming on your body. It was primal and in your Grisha nature to protect those around you, and in that haste of battle you made your allegiance to Alina obvious.
There was no time to think about Aleksander. You weren't quite sure you wanted to think about him. He was on this skiff with you, on the opposing side that just murdered a town full of people yet the part of your brain, your imagination, craved to be by his side. To please him by obeying, to get his touch in return. You were addicted to the man who had ruined your innocence.
'You betrayed me' His voice was right behind you as was his hand, creeping up the side of your throat and forcefully pushing you against the barrier of the skiff, ready to throw you over to the unlit Fold.
'I betrayed you?!' Your shout was loud and hearty, overflowing with sadness and shame at being relieved for being next to him again. You clawed at his tightening hand, feeling your airways restrict and your vision become fainter and fainter. You would die at the hands of the man you loved.
'Look what you made me do Y/N, do you think I want to kill you?' Your head bopped but your stupid heart grasped at the sadness in his words, he still loves me. 'I don't want to. I really don't'
'Then don't' you chocked out, your hold on his wrists becoming limp. You felt the ever-so familiar touch of his lips grace your temple and then he retreated.
The world went dark but your body hit the deck of the skiff, not the soft sands of the Fold and your lungs abruptly filled with forced Squaller air.
Yes, I did it to myself, yeah
Thought you were somebody else
'What are you going to do now?' You still sat by the fire while everyone stood. Zoya had left your side and was talking with Alina but you filtered out the noise. Your head was too full of your own self-hatred to stand any more voices so Jesper's question to you went unnoticed. 'Y/N?'
You looked at him and shrugged. You didn't want to move, your body still ached too much from being dragged away from the brink of death to make your way somewhere safe.
You would never admit it around anyone, but as Alina spoke of the Darkling being dead, a wave of grief washed over you. It was cold and unpleasant; unwelcome. But you knew love didn't disappear overnight. You didn't know who saved you on the skiff, whether it was he who had let you go, or was it Zoya who battled to have you freed from his grasp.
As much as you had created the Aleksander you viewed, the foundations were all him, you had only added on or omitted the parts you did and didn't like. You prayed it was him who spared you, you prayed there was something real about your Aleksander, that that was a foundation.
The tears that fell down your face in a stream were assumed to be for the betrayal and the horridness of what the Darkling had done to you and others, when if fact they were for him. You cried because you would never see him again, you cried because the people who had helped you get out of the Fold were the same people who had killed him.
-------
When Mal caught your deathly stare in his direction, he had to do a double-take. You had the same look in your eyes as the General did when he fought him in the Fold, that exact replica of coldness and rage; revenge. But surely he was wrong. You were happy to know the Heretic was dead. He betrayed you the most out of everyone here and almost killed you. Why would you be vengeful?
He waved it off with a shake, it's all in my head.
------
Masterlist
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Text
Proud
Sam couldn't do it.
He was standing in the middle of the Big Innit Hotel, looking around as if he was lost. Everything looked so bright, welcoming, and happy. It shouldn’t be. Not after what happened. Why was the hotel still open? It should be closed. Dark. Grieving. All of that stupid, fake optimism was just-
“Oh, hello Sam.”
The creeper hybrid turned, seeing Sam Nook standing right behind him. Oh, poor Nook. Sam would have to deactivate it since Tommy couldn’t be protected anymore.
“What brings you here? Tommy Innit went to visit Dream, I am sure you can find him there.”
It was too much, and Sam had to keep himself firm while in front of Sam Nook, even if his whole body was shaking. The characteristic hissing sound from when he was stressed could be heard in between his breath. He needed to tell the robot.
“Nook, Tommy isn’t at the prison.” Sam tried.
“Oh, no? Well, then he is almost getting here.”
Sam shook his head, just trying to make the robot listen so he could deactivate Nook in peace. “Tommy isn’t coming back.” He tried again, his knees finally meeting the ground.
“Of course he is coming back. If Tommy Innit was in danger, I would know. It’s my job to keep Tommy Innit safe.”
Sam flinched with those words as if they physically hurt him.
“And Tommy Innit promised me he would come back with you as well. He had something he wanted to show to you.”
Sam looked up, seeing as the robot walked out of his line of vision. He quickly got up, following it through the corridors and stairs, into a dark room at the clean and well-lighted basement.
“Nook, what the…”
The robots turned the light on and Sam lost track of what he was saying.
It was a medium-sized room, with a couch, a refrigerator, a whiteboard already occupied by a checklist (all items involving the hotel), cans of coke spread around, a jukebox with one disk ready to be played… A patched-up flag of L’Manberg was pinned at the wall, and a ragged dark blue uniform was hanging at the corner of the room. Right in the middle of it all, one of Sam’s first prototypes of a camera. Tommy probably found it and… Oh, Void… Tommy... That whole place felt like him.
Sam was still mesmerized by the room when the robot walked towards the camera and picked the tape with the recording, placing it on its arm as its eyes were light like lanterns, projecting the video on the wall. Sam heard Tommy’s voice and immediately turned, looking at the wall and at the boy that was just finishing setting up his camera.
“Okay… Sam Nook, I think I did it!!” Tommy screamed, and the robotic voice could be heard in the distance, praising him. “Of course I could do it, I’m amazing!” He laughed, and all Sam could do was sit on the couch and watch, smiling lightly with all that energy that Tommy used to carry with him. “Focus now, Innit. So… This tape is for Sam since the big man is all the time in the prison.” Tommy rolled his eyes as if he was annoyed, but Sam could see the kid just missed him. “Then, I decided to make you a tape, so you can see how I’ll make the hotel inauguration. And how… Great it will be. You’ll be proud of all my eloquence and shit”, and Sam was proud. His smile showed it, even if he was crying at the same time, he was always so proud of Tommy.
Tommy pulled his whiteboard, gesturing and pointing. All his snarky commentaries and loud laughs just adding charm to the presentation. Sam was immersed in it and, for minutes, he just enjoyed the loud, excited, and full of life Tommy that was in front of him.
The presentation finished, and Tommy smiled at the camera. He looked around, then approached, as if he was telling a secret. “Don’t tell anyone but… I’m terrified.” He let out a small laugh. “This really helped me and… I miss you, Sam. After tomorrow, my last prison visit… You better come back with me.” Tommy looked directly at Sam’s eyes as if he knew. “See you tomorrow, big man.”
The presentation ended.
Sam sat there, still staring at the wall, and Sam Nook sat right by his side. The creeper hybrid let the tears slowly fall, sniffing as he still stared at the wall.
“Nook… Do you think Tommy would be proud of me?” He whispered, thinking about what was his duty as a warden.
“Tommy Innit was always proud of you.”
Sam smiled, letting out a broken laugh. “I hope you’re right, Nook.” Sam’s pager bipped, the guards alerting him of a second person inside of Dream’s cell. “I have to go.”
The robot was left behind and, in the middle of the empty, cold room, it started the recording again just to fill that strange emptiness inside of it.
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mangekyuou · 3 years
Text
                                             SOUL ━゙
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⁺◟   CHARACTERS . . .           kujo jotaro           fem!reader
⁺◟   GENRE . . .           au           angst           fluff           oneshot
⁺◟   SYNOPSIS . . .           the orphaned vampire prince of the           joestar kingdom, jotaro spends his           days alone in the castle that used           to belong to the family that was taken           away from him in his youth by humans.           but one day he meets a human woman           who will change him forever.
⁺◟   CONTENT WARNINGS . . .           mentions of death ‘ a bit of ooc jotaro tbh
⁺◟   WORD COUNT . . .           2.5k.
⁺◟   COMMENTARY . . .           this wasn’t the request word for word           per say but i started writing and i couldn’t           stop. so i really hope you enjoy this one.
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A light nightly wind slipped through the dark green leaves of the tall trees of the forest. The wind’s whisper was soft and distant, but it could be heard many miles away through the heightened sense of hearing of one being.
Through the chilly winds was another being that interrupted its flow. Its flight was as silent as the dead, as it inched closer and closer to the castle that sat in the middle of the dark forest. Its bright yellow eyes were all that could be seen.
The lanterns placed at the entrance of the castle had revealed the creature. A gray-brown great horned owl flying up to one of the high balconies, perching itself on the shoulder of a dark-haired man who had leaned against the railing.
The man took a long drag from the oddly-colored pipe in his hand, letting the smoke out through his mouth, partially revealing sharp fangs. He opened his eyes, revealing the irises. His irises were blue-green, blood-red had glossed over them in the moonlight from above.
He hummed lowly, staring at the moon.
Tomorrow was the day.
The night the moon would be its fullest.
The night he would bind his immortal dark soul, to the mortal, pure soul of the woman he had come to love.
If you had told him he would be marrying a mortal woman one day, he'd probably kill you where you stood. But when she washed up on the gates of his castle two years ago, bruised and battered with no place to go, his life changed forever.
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“Why didn’t you kill me?” The young maiden’s voice’s reached his ears from across the room. She stood, terrified in the corner of the cold room with a glass shard in her hand dressed in old linen he could not fit anymore, as opposed to the bloodied rags she showed up on his doorstep with.
He gave her the change of clothes to not only protect her but to control his vampiric urges.
She wasn’t stupid. She knew who he was, rather what he was. It had dawned on her the moment she found what she assumed abandoned castle in the middle of the forest.
It was clear as night. She had heard the many tales of what lurked deep in the unexplored forest. Ferocious beasts that were taller than man, demon children of the devil, witches of the elements, and bloodthirsty vampires. The red irises that pierced through the darkness of the night he took her by the throat did not fool anybody.
He was a vampire. But not just any vampire.
Prince Kujo Jotaro, the last prince of the Joestar bloodline.
She had heard the tale over and over again through her childhood of the tragedy of the Joestar bloodline and their kingdom from almost a millennium ago. How the kingdom had fallen apart. How its citizens and the Joestars themselves had met their end. How only one remained. Or at least that is what she believed the story had been.
“Would you have preferred me to?” He answered her question with another question.
It was the first time she heard him speak since she had taken shelter unwillingly in his abode. His voice was monotone, uncaring of anything.
Though the truth was, he was unsure. He had been asking himself the same question since he brought her in, checking up on her the past few days, controlling his bloodlust to tend to her wounds and care for them the best he could.
She was a walking blood bank for the taking. She practically plopped down at his feet. Her intoxicating humanly scent, the blood rushing through her veins, her pounding heart. She was just the perfect catch to sink his fangs into and drain the precious life she clung so dearly to as she struggled in his grasp as he had done other victims.
Yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Though she feared him, she stood her ground. She wasn’t going down without a fight, made apparent by the glass shard she held in her hand toward him. Even if she had no chance, she still wanted to attempt to make it out of here alive.
“What is your name?”
She didn’t say, rather firing out an insult.
Her words had begun to irritate him. With a blink of an eye, he stood in front of her. With no time to react, he removed the glass shard she held pushed her further into the corner, entrapping her with the weight of his body. She had nowhere to go, nowhere to run.
Had this been the end?
Jotaro had leaned down, near the shell of her ear. He whispered, “Do you fear me?” He lowered his head further, as she gulped shallowly preparing for her end. She could feel his lips ghosting over the skin of her neck, breath sending chills down her spine.
“N-n-no!” She stuttered out, lying to both herself and him.
He pulled himself away from her as if nothing happened, leaving her out of breath and confused. With that, he had left her. The door was wide open for her to escape, to which she had done. She didn’t spare him a second glance she ran out of his castle back into the forest.
She had nowhere to call her home, but she couldn’t stick around and be the meal of a vampire.
But alas her escape was cut short. Tripping over a large tree root, right into the clutches of a tall blonde man who had lurked in the shadows with those similar red eyes to Jotaro’s. Just her luck to run from one vampire into the hands of another one.
He had done this on purpose. He set her up!
( y/n ) backed into the tree, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.
“A young, beautiful maiden all alone in these parts of the forest? It’s dangerous out here. Are you lost, little one?” He grinned.
The pet name sent chills down her spine, but not in the way Jotaro’s breath did. This was viler, more disgusting. She hated this feeling, this gross feeling he had on her.
She took in his face, he was quite breath-taking. He was sculpted by the devil himself, dressed in the finest fabrics.
He inched closer to her, as she scooted back further.
“Don’t fear me, little one. I just would—”
She backed into a figure, one that did not feel like a tree. One that felt like strong legs.
“Dio.”
That voice. He had come back, standing right above her.
Jotaro.
“Oh come on, Jotaro. I’m sure you can share your company. Only for a little bite,” The one named Dio suggested with a wink followed by him licking his lips.
Jotaro had reached down, pulling ( y/n ) up to her feet by the back of the shirt she wore. He ushered her behind him, a protective hand placed high on her waist. His touch startled and confused her. Did he not send her to her own death by this man? Was he really trying to save her? Why?
“Jotaro, protecting a mere human?” Dio laughed hysterically. “You Joestars with your human affairs. You would think you’d hate every last one of them after what happened to your poor family before your young eyes, Jotaro. Humans are not our friends. They lie about us, they harm us, they hate us, they fear us.”
“She does not fear me,” He defended. His voice was still flat, void of emotion, but his hand had seemed too tight on her waist for a brief moment as if he was giving her a reassuring squeeze.
A squeeze that was meant to put her at ease and let go of the worries that clouded her mind. A squeeze that was meant to make her trust his words. A squeeze that was meant to show this was his fight. The sudden squeeze was different from earlier when he towered over her in his castle. She did not feel like a helpless doe, rather protected and guarded by the vampire of tall stature.
But his touch was as gone as fast as it had come. He removed his hand from her waist, returning it to his side. It left her with an emptiness that was unexplainable.
“Run,” He whispered to her.
“W-What? But I—”
His eyes hardened, as he looked over his shoulder to her, “If you don’t have a damn soul you care about in this world, then stay here and die! So be it! But if there is one soul, just one soul you want to see again, then you run and you don’t look back.”
One soul?
Not a single one had come to mind. She was alone, without anyone to care for. When she landed at his doorstep, she had been abandoned, left to die.
Those bruises she wore were nothing done by the forest or any beast known to man. Those bruises were caused by the hands of other humans. By the souls who were supposed to be her family.
So there was not a single mortal soul she cared about in this earth, this harsh realm that spared no one. She barely found the strength to care about her own. But there had been a new soul she wondered about.
The immortal, impure soul of the man that stood in between her and her fate.
An evil that stood in the way of another evil.
“What about you?” The words tumbled out of her mouth. He was a strong man, she was sure he could take care of him. Not that she even cared, at least she believed so. But he was the only soul who had shown her such kindness through his own harsh way. But it was kindness nevertheless.
He hadn’t answered her question with words, leaving her with a telling silence.
He didn’t plan on seeing her again. Not that he even believed he would if she made it out of there in time. Nor did he believe he deserved to see her again. He didn’t plan on making it out of this battle alive.
This was his judgment day and he embraced it with open arms.
“I’m sorry...” She muttered out. She turned on her heel, running away from the scene. Her mind has called her a coward. There wasn’t much she could do now. She was mortal, she couldn’t stop a fight between the supernatural even if she wanted.
Her feet came to a sudden halt as a loud groan, followed by a hard thump among the commotion behind her sounded.
She had done what she told him she wouldn’t do. The action that would change her life forever.
She looked back.
Her ( e/c ) eyes had met a scene she could barely make out from her distance, but it was clear who the current winner had been.
Dio held a battered Jotaro up by his throat. He did not struggle, he did not fight, he had just accepted his loss. Though another competitor had made itself apparent before her unbeknownst to the two other fighters.
The sunlight.
Her feet had moved on their own, right back to them. She had no clear plan, but her goal was clear. To save Jotaro from perishing in the sunlight. Even he didn’t understand what her plan was at first, until she collided with him roughly, shielding his body the best she could from the bright rays of the morning.
“What are you—! You…harlot!”
A horrific screech filled their ears until it faded into nothingness.
“You came back and…saved me. Why?”
“The same reason you didn’t kill me the night you found me.”
He didn’t understand what he had done to earn her care. After the battle, she shielded him from the light, making it back into the darkness of his castle where light could not shine through. The wounds he sustained were life-threatening, making it hard for him to move.
He expected his sins had caught up to him, expecting he had finally reached the end of his days. Jotaro closed his eyes for what he believed would be the last time and drifted into a deep slumber.
Alas, his slumber did not last forever. He arose in a cool sweat, his chest rising and falling at a rapid pace as he looked around the familiar bedroom he had spent his entire life in.
He lived? He was alive?
He stared down at his arms and exposed chest, his wounds were almost completely healed. How long had it been?
A calmly beating heart filled his ears, sounding from just at his bedside. There she said asleep, ( y/n ). She sat in a chair with her head resting on the side of the featherbed. She had been worn out, skinnier than he remembered, dressed in some more old clothes of his, bandages covered her hands. She looked peaceful as she slept, he thought. An involuntary smile had come to his face.
She was the reason he was alive. She took care of him. She...she didn’t leave him alone. He remembered how he reached a hand out to stroke her cheek. Instead of moving away from him as anyone else had, she relaxed under his touch. “Thank you,” He recalled whispering to her.
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“Can’t sleep?” That same melodic voice reached his ears from behind him. He could hear the sound of her calm heart beating in her chest from where he stood on the balcony. It put him at ease.
The owl resting on his shoulder had flown away into the night. The light shuffle of her feet grew louder and louder until they came to a sudden halt.
( y/n ) wrapped her arms loosely around his waist, letting her head rest on his broad back, "Having doubts about tomorrow?"
He relaxed under her gentle touch. She had always been so gentle with him. "Why would I?"
"You always answer my questions with questions, why is it?" She pointed out.
"I suppose it's a habit of mine. Now answer this question," He turned around in her embrace, now face to face with the mortal. Not just many mortal, the woman who changed his view of the cruel world that took his family away from him. She changed his view of humans, she wasn't the monster the others had been. She gave him a new reason to live.
Love.
He continued, "Why are you awake, ( y/n )? It's awfully late."
"I couldn't fall asleep. So I thought a late-night stroll around the castle would help me feel tired, and I found you here," She answered, pushing a loose of his hair behind his ear. "We're not supposed to see each other until the ceremony tomorrow when our souls are finally bound as one."
The corners of his mouth curled into a grin, "When have you ever been one to follow the law set in place?"
"You are right about that. If I did follow the law set in place we wouldn't have met one another. I don't know where I would be without you."
"And you'll never have to think about being without me. For the rest of our days, however long that may be, I'll be yours, heart and soul."
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ricksroaches · 3 years
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Jungkook - Dysphoria ch. 1
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pairing: Yoongi x Reader, OT7 x Reader (platonic)
summary: Jungkook, a burnt out gifted student, comes home from summer camp not ready to start his sophomore year of highschool, but his friends are there to help him feel better. Although not in the best of ways.
notes: This is a Euphoria-ish au but mostly it's just heavily inspired by the show (I use a few quotes), and each chapter is based on a character. There's a few parts where I cue a song title that's because I made a soundtrack to listen to while reading but I deleted it a while ago so :( if you feel like it listen to the ones I did write down. I'm apologizing now bc my writing can be a bit choppy/rushed its just cuz i have a more drabble-like style and don't know how to write between big scenes. THIS IS A DARK FIC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Hope you enjoy and sorry for this big ass paragraph.
word count: 3.9k
warnings: ass-load of angst, mental illness (depression, anxiety, bipolar, OCD, and probably more), drugs (all of them. just all of them), underage drinking, cursing, mentions of self-harm
Next chapter
[Slideshow - Labrinth]
When Jungkook was 5, he wanted to be an astronaut. He wanted to fly into the sky and zip around space exploring things never before seen. His little mind was so strong, wanting to learn anything and everything. When he first learned how to read, he would read every sign he passed in the car and play games with the letters he’d find. It wasn’t long before he was placed in advanced classes with kids he'd never seen before and for the first time in his academic career, he was challenged.
When Jungkook was 10, he wanted to be a doctor. He wanted to wear a white coat and glasses and race around a hospital busy saving lives everyday. He wanted people to look to him for advice and treat him with respect. He wanted to feel needed.
When Jungkook was 14, he wanted to be a paramedic. He didn’t think he’d be smart enough to become a doctor so an EMT would have to do. His classes had begun to pile up in work to the point where he didn’t have the time to think about anything but school. He ate, slept, and breathed homework, projects, and term papers.
When Jungkook was 16, all he wanted to do was graduate. He no longer had any desire to pursue his childhood dreams. When he was asked what he wanted to do when he was older, his mind was a void. He couldn’t see any future for himself past high school. He went day to day not bothering to care about what might happen the next day. He coasted through all of his classes and dropped out of the advanced programs that his parents put him in.
His potential was like a flame. It was small at first, but still had loads of potential, so more kindling was thrown on top. The flame received it well, quickly spreading over the new material. But they kept stacking kindling. Stacking and stacking and stacking putting more and more pressure until finally….the flame died. All because he liked to read.
[Forever - Labrinth]
The clouds inched across the sky and rows of crops and fencing whipped by the car window. A stark contrast between the two. Jungkook rested his head against the glass and watched as the car began to pass more and more houses. The familiar area told him he was almost home. He should’ve been glad, elated even. He would finally get to see his friends again, but after three weeks of summer school to catch up on the class he skipped last year he’d lost the ability to smile or show any form of positivity. To say he felt like a zombie would be an insulting understatement.
The car pulled into the ever so familiar driveway and the rest of his family piled out of the car. He didn’t move. He heaved a long, anguished sigh before snatching his duffel bag from the other seat and throwing open the door.
He was out the front door again before his mom could even ask him where he was going. Speeding his bike down the empty road that he’d ridden countless times before. He could make this route with his eyes closed. The house in question came into view and Jungkook pedaled harder to close the distance. He swung one leg to the opposite pedal and straddled it until he swerved to a stop in the driveway. The house was old, hadn’t been lived in for years, wasn’t on the market, yet wasn’t scheduled to be torn down. It was the perfect place for a group of teenagers to tear apart and put back together. Without knocking, he stepped inside and was hit with the welcoming scent of booze, pizza, and weed with notes of cigarettes and coffee. Music blasting from a distant room in the house led him to the living room where he counted one, two, three, four, five people sprawled about the room. Upon noticing him standing in the doorway, they jumped up and raced to pull him into the room.
“Kook! How you been man? How’d surviving summer school go?” Taehyung was Jungkook’s best friend and unsolicited wingman. He was always trying to set him up with girls so he could get his v card punched. Taehyung was ever the ladies man. Never had trouble finding a date or a hookup. No one could blame him though. If they had that flawless, arrogant face they’d use it too. Despite his fuckboy nature, he was the best friend Jungkook ever had. They’d gone to the same school since they were 7 and Taehyung’s untamable charisma sniffed out Jungkook’s shyness rather quickly. They were inseparable and the rest is history.
“Fine I guess.”
“Kookie, come sit down! I’ve been saving your spot on the couch for you!” Jimin pulled Jungkook to the left corner of the C shaped couch. Jimin was like Taehyung in the sense that he also had no issues with finding partners. He wasn’t near as promiscuous as Taehyung, but he made up for it with his bisexuality. He had an entire other gender to choose from. Jimin was probably the nicest of the group. He always gave the best hugs and was their personal therapist. His aura seemed to coax you into opening up to him even if you hadn’t originally planned on it. He had a way of saying all the right words to make you feel better, even if it was just for a moment. On the other side of him, he was the biggest party animal the group had ever seen. Anywhere else, he was the purest angel that everyone believed could do no wrong. But at a party? Park Jimin was a demon. Seductively dancing in a stylish jacket, pants low enough to show his v-line, sweaty hair flipped back pounding shot after shot until he was the last man standing. That guy could party from sun down to sun up like it was a baby shower.
“Did you at least learn anything you missed last year?” Namjoon. Ever the parent. He was surprisingly humble given his father’s status and money. He easily had the best grades among the friends. School always came easy to him, no matter what it was. However, if you saw him outside of school, you’d never be able to guess he was one of the school’s top students. He carried an energy with him that dared anyone to mess with him or his friends. Although you didn’t see it often, he could make himself scary if he wanted to. All in all, he’s just a gentle giant that made sure everyone turned in their work.
“Absolutely nothing. I don’t know why they keep wasting their time on me.” Jungkook sighed. Hoseok threw a pillow from across the couch, smacking him in the face.
“Yah! Don’t talk about yourself like that!” Hoseok was the human charger. It didn’t matter if someone’s mama died if Hoseok was in the room there would be shenanigans. He was always the one to make some crazy dare that would end up getting them in trouble but they wouldn’t be mad because it was totally worth it. He also had great music taste and almost always was on aux. Hoseok’s vice was coke. Often the driving force behind his hyper nature, it started out as just a thing he did at parties, but slowly creeped into his everyday habits. It hadn’t become a problem yet, he vowed that as soon as he started getting nosebleeds he’d stop, although Jungkook was wary of how difficult that was going to be.
“Where’s Y/N and Yoongi?” Jungkook asked after noticing their usual spots empty.
“They left to get food. They should be coming back soon.” Jin assured him, giving him a comical slap on the thigh. Jin was the eldest, but rarely acted like it. Whenever he wasn’t making stupid dad jokes or eating he spent his time at the classical theater where he worked and sometimes acted. He planned on pursuing acting given his “world wide handsome face.” “It just has to be seen! People around the world need to swoon at my beauty” as he would put it.
No one heard the front door open and shut or noticed Y/N and Yoongi standing in the doorway of the living room.
“Food’s here.” Yoongi finally croaked. Hoseok and Jin yelped and sprung up.
“JESUS! Ever heard of announcing yourselves?! I swear you guys are the exact same person!” Y/N just gave a shrug and plopped onto the large bean bag that she’d claimed.
“Hey, Kooker.” She dragged out.
“Hi Y/N..” His unusual bland reply didn’t go unnoticed by her, but she brushed it off.
“You ready to get shit faced?” A playful grin plastered her otherwise tranquil face. A small smile poked at Jungkooks pursed lips. There was something about her character that always put him in a better mood. She was the one who invited him and Tae into the friend group in the first place, and because of that, he couldn’t be more grateful.
Yoongi tossed him a beer can and his car keys. “Start us off Jungkook.” Yoongi was by far the most terrifying one. It took some time to get to know his true person but there were still times when he still scared the shit out of him. Jungkook remembered when he first met Yoongi. He looked like he’d served time with the seasoned look in his eye that said he’d seen some shit in his day. He hadn’t spoken the entire time the group was talking and Jungkook was beginning to worry that he didn’t like him. It wasn’t til he finally spoke that Jungkook could release the breath he was holding. For someone so stoic and cold looking, he never expected him to have such a low, soft voice. He realized, Yoongi wasn’t scary, he was just quiet like him.
Jungkook took the keys and poked a hole in the bottom of the can. He pressed his lips to it and pulled the tab, sending the amber liquor shooting down his throat. He finished it with ease and crushed the can in his palm while the room cheered and chanted.
The loud music, laughing, and drugs drowned out everything in the outside world. It felt like the world ended and they were the last people left on Earth. Nothing mattered but what was right in front of them. The hours flew by until it came time for everyone to crash. Most of them were still raging drunk or high which only made them fall asleep faster. Jungkook didn’t drink much and he barely smoked. He just couldn’t get in the right headspace to enjoy any of it. So there he was, laying awake among a pile of snoring boys at some ungodly hour of the night. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out to read the text in his notifications.
[We All Knew - Labrinth]
Y/N💜: come to my office
He shimmied out from under Taehyung and Jimin and tiptoed out of the room. He followed the smell of weed through the house because where there was weed, there was Y/N. He stepped into the backyard and found her leaning against the wall, blunt between her fingers. The tip of the dark stick swelled into a bright orange when she took a drag. Smoke rolling out of her nose, she held it out for him. He hesitated.
“You're upset. Take it.” Which was a dead-on observation for Y/N, who’s not normally revolving in the same direction as planet Earth. He hesitantly took a puff from it before handing it back. She spread her arms lazily and looked at him with a beckoning stare. He sighed and walked right into her arms that wrapped around his back. She was only older than him by a year, but her old soul and almost motherly demeanor made him look up to her like she was his idol. Sometimes, he forgot he was a whole head taller than her. “Welcome home, Kookie.”
Hers was the only welcome he got that day that brought a genuine smile to his face. She had a way of making him feel welcome and wanted even if she was in a bad mood. She broke the embrace and without a word headed to the old couch by the empty swimming pool. He eventually followed her and flopped down next to her. Another gush of smoke entered the chilly air and it was handed back to him. Feeling better, he took a healthy drag and sighed out the smoke as he sunk further into the couch.
“Was it that obvious?”
“Was what obvious?”
“Me being upset.”
“Not really.” She flicked the ash off the tip of the brown stick, her gaze not breaking from its spacey stare.
“Then how’d you know?”
“Pain recognizes pain.” Y/N wasn’t one for her genius epiphanies, given that nine times out of ten on any given day she was stoned out of her mind. She wasn’t dumb, god no. He wouldn’t doubt that she was smarter than him, but she rarely exercised her ability. As great of a gift that her mind was, it was an even worse curse. An inescapable tomb of her worst fears, thoughts, and intentions, with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. So naturally, she tried anything and everything to silence her mind; alcohol, weed, acid, coke, molly, you name it, she’s done it.
Jungkook wasn’t angry or disappointed by the lengths she went. He knew she was just trying to feel better, and to him, that’s all that mattered. He’d take high Y/N over no Y/N at all.
“Y/N?”
“Yep.” There was a silence while he worked up the nerve to speak.
“How…uh….how long have you felt…the way you feel?” She chuckled and let her head fall back against the couch.
“Well I smoked a blunt with Yoongi in the car this morning and then-”
“No, I mean like…w-without drugs.” Her lazy smile didn’t change, but her eyes unfocused and she grew quiet as if lost in a flashback.
“How long do you think I’ve felt this way?” He didn’t anticipate this question.
“Uh…I don’t know…you hide it really well.”
“I couldn’t tell you when it started. I don’t remember much before 7. I’m told I was a happy kid, but it didn’t feel like it at all. All my life I’ve looked around and seen that everyone was so much happier than me, and I’d ask myself, ‘Why can’t I feel like that?’ It wasn’t until I was older that I learned…I was born to suffer. That’s just my place in the world.”
“When did you finally tell anyone?”
“I didn’t. My parents found my razors.” Jungkook always thought he saw scars on her arms and legs, but her milky skin made it hard to tell. It hurt his heart to know that it was true, and that every one of those once caused her pain. The image of her forearms and thighs slick with her blood brewed tears in his eyes.
“They determined they didn’t have the knowledge to help me, so they asked me to take a tour of this mental hospital and think about their suggestion….” She paused to keep her voice from cracking. “I didn’t make it home that day. Never really forgave them after that.”
There was a long silence after that. Jungkook didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. Besides, he knew she hated condolences. “What made you start using drugs?” She took a drag of the blunt and thought about it.
“I was 13.” Really? “I found my brothers stash of weed in one of his shoes. I already knew what weed was and what it was used for, so I took about a gram and a rolling paper and taught myself how to roll a joint on my bathroom floor. I was shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds but when that joint hit, I thought…” She tilted her head to peak at him with an epiphanic smile, “This is it…This is the feeling that I’ve been waiting to feel my entire life. I thought I was sure to get caught and sent to juvie, but I wasn’t. The world went on, and I found a way to live. Now could my lifestyle kill me? Will it kill me? Yeah probably I don’t know, but at least I could’ve had a few years where I wasn’t begging the universe to put me out of my misery.” She paused to take another hit. “People often ask me, ‘Y/N why don’t you try therapy? Drugs aren’t the answer.’ Yeah well, drugs work. Therapy’s a guessing game; you never know if it’s gonna actually help or not and end up wasting your time and money. But when I take that hit, that line, that tab, the world starts to slow…and everything goes quiet…and I feel safe. In my own head. And I can see the world in color again.”
Jungkook watched her blissful face while she was lost in thought. She must’ve been pretty high because this is the most personal she’d ever gotten with him or possibly anyone that wasn’t Yoongi. “Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“W-what if I don’t feel what everyone else feels either..?” He pinched the skin between his fingers to keep his tears at bay, a nervous habit he’d picked up from her. She reached over and took his hand in hers, the webbing between her fingers had white and pink stripes from years of fingernails digging into the flesh.
“Jungkook,” she didn’t use his nickname, “I know how hard it was for you to say that. I want you to know how much I appreciate you telling me, because if anyone knows how you feel, it’s me. You can talk to me whenever, wherever. Even when you think it’s a bad time it’s not, because nothing in that moment is more important to me than you. I don’t want you to go through the same thing I did, so please, even if you don’t want to talk, maybe I can at least keep you company.”
For the rest of the night, Jungkook told her everything. About the pressure, the stress, the desire to collapse and let the world go on without him, his inability to see a future where he was fulfilled. The words often caught in his throat, having never said them out loud before. Y/N didn’t say much, she just wrapped them in a blanket and stroked his hair while she just let him talk. Sometimes, he’d have to stop to cry and she’d hold him a little tighter, wipe his tears away with her thumbs, and wait til he was ready again.
Eventually, he had nothing else to say, his tears dried, and his body stilled.
Babies didn’t sleep that good.
Y/N nodded off a little later but was woken up by a raccoon tipping a trash can. She rested her cheek on his head and tried to go back to sleep, but it never came. She just continued to rest her eyes while playing with Jungkook’s hair and tracing lines along his features.
She didn’t know how long she laid there but soon the birds began their routine morning songs and she was sure she wouldn’t get back to sleep now. The faint tap of shoes on the concrete perked her ears, but she kept her eyes closed. The footsteps stopped behind the couch where she sat. It was quiet before the person chuckled quietly. A warm hand smoothed back the hair in her face and a little kiss was planted on her forehead. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face.
“Yoongi, I’m awake you creep.” She cracked her eyes open to see her boyfriend laid over the back of the couch hovering above her, his dark hair tickling her nose. He smirked.
“Well in that case,” he grabbed her chin and tilted her head up before capturing her lips in a playful kiss. When they parted, he glanced down at Jungkooks still sleeping figure. “You guys stay out here all night?”
“Yeah,” she looked down at him and smoothed his hair back, “he just had a few things to get off his chest.” Yoongi almost asked what it was about but her face gave him an idea.
“It’s cold, you want me to take him inside?”
“It won’t wake him up will it?”
“If he’s as out as as he looks, he won’t.” She nodded and Yoongi circled around and slipped his hands under the sleeping boy’s body. Much to Y/N’s pleasant surprise, he lifted him bridal style with ease and she followed him into the house where he placed him next to the other slumbering boys.
When he straightened back up he saw her in the sliding glass door, gazing at the now dusty blue sky. She could feel his body heat on her back against the nippy outside air.
“I always loved the time just before dawn.”
“Why is that?” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his cheek to hers.
“It’s so calm and peaceful. And incredibly quiet besides the birds. It’s the only time I feel truly left alone.”
“You want me to show you my favorite time of day?” She turned to him with a curious look. “Follow me.” Not long after, the two were perched on the flat portion of the roof with Yoongi’s bong sitting between them. His angular fingers effortlessly packed the bowl and held it out to her. “All yours.” She took it with a smile.
“What a gentleman~”
Soon, the sky went from a pale blue to pastel shades of orange and pink. He looked over to see her fiddling with a thread on his hoodie she was wearing. “This,” he took her jaw and guided her eyes up for her to see the sunrise, “is my favorite time of day.”
“Why?”
“It gives me hope. Kinda like you.” He was glad she didn’t say anything. She was lost in the color palette of the scene before her, the weed making everything so much more vibrant and striking. He could see the sky reflected in her eyes, making the view ten times better. More time went by and she rested her head on his broad shoulder while they watched the rest of the sunrise.
Back on the ground, Yoongi cleared the bowl and poured out the bong water before setting it on a table by the couch. Y/N was on her back in the center of the empty pool, slowly tearing a leaf above her face and analyzing how it separated cell by cell. He stood on the edge above and watched her do this another four times much to his amusement. “You wanna get breakfast?”
She was out of the pool and in his face before he could finish his sentence. “Like you have to ask.” He chuckled and rolled his eyes before turning and walking to his car. “Hey, Yoongi.”
He turned back.
“Carry me to the car like Jungkook.” He broke into a smirk and walked back to her.
“Yes ma’am.” She let out a yelp when he scooped her off her feet and marched the two of them to his car waiting on the street.
Cover photo: @BIGHITTED on Twitter
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randomfandomimagine · 3 years
Text
A Whisper Among The Noise (Clark Kent x Reader)
Character: Clark Kent
Fandom: Superman/Man of Steel (DCEU)
Tags: Songfic, angst with a happy ending, pining
Warnings: A bit angsty in the middle
Word Count: 2,1k words
Requested by @caritobbg​: Hello again!!! ❤️ I'm still in love with "I Still Love You" whith Jaskier 😍❤️ hahahaha I'm gonna ask if you could write another ficlet songfic with Clark Kent x Fem! Reader? 😍 The song's called Secret Love Song p.II by Little Mix ❤️ Reader's in love with him, but when she founds out about a mysterious girl that he likes, she felt so bad and sing that song infront of everyone at an after-office party. Then, Clark tell her that she's that girl 😍 Love your blog!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
A/N: Better late than never 😅 By this point I was running out of inspiration a bit, but I still kind of like the result and I hope you love it! Thanks for being so lovely and patient and understanding. Enjoy!! 💜
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Clark Kent x Gender Neutral Reader
_
You absently scratched your nail against the ridges on the red solo cup you were holding and that you had barely drank a sip of. The party was lively and loud, and although you didn’t regret coming, you were starting to feel a bit restless. Everyone was shouting over the music and chatting in groups, and after you had said hello to them, you were now hiding in the corner as you felt your social battery drain.
A hand softly pressed against your arm, and you would have been startled by the sudden contact as well as by the promise of new interaction if it weren’t for whom that hand belonged to. You could tell it was him not only by the gentle way in which he called you, but also the unmistakable way his touch made you feel. Warm, flustered, loved. The butterflies returned to your stomach, like they had never left ever since the last time you talked to him.
“Y/N” His deep voice enveloped you as you turned around to face him.
“Hey, Clark” You didn’t speak too loudly, but he seemed to hear you nonetheless.
“What…” He began to say, but he paused and leaned closer to your ear so you could understand him over the blasting speakers. “What are you doing here all alone?”
Suddenly feeling self-conscious, even under the fond way in which he watched you, you shrugged your shoulders. Wanting to distract yourself from the intense way he made you feel, you continued to play with the cup in your hands.
Why can't I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dance floor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? 'Cause I'm yours
 “Well, I…” Knowing he expected an answer, you made an effort to reply and raise your voice enough so that he could hear you. “I guess I’m a bit over it already”
When you looked up at him, you saw Clark dedicating you an understanding smile. His hand, which still lingered on your arm, carefully squeezed you.
“Would you like me to drive you home?”
“I wouldn’t want you to leave the party early because of me…”
“I don’t mind at all” His smile widened, acquiring an inviting expression. “I don’t like parties that much anyway”
“You really wouldn’t mind?” Your hand fell atop of his, timid and longing.
“It would be my pleasure” Clark dedicated you that smile, the one that light up your entire world.
The two of you paused, lingering on your reciprocal touch, and stared at the other. At that time, the music in the background seemed to dim. Perhaps it was because of your heart beating wildly in your chest, all the more with each second that your touch and his continued. Or maybe it was that the intensity of your gazes that made everything around you duller.
When your eyes drifted down to his lips, like they had a mind of their own, you had to bite your lip not to audibly gasp. You inched closer to his mouth on an instinct, ever so slightly, so little in fact that he didn’t seem to notice.
“Come on” He finally said, moving his hand to gently push it against the small of your back. “Let’s get you home”
You obeyed, hoping you weren’t blushing as his hand also lingered in that new spot. Titling your head down, you started walking towards the exit. Your mind boiled with thoughts, all regarding the very man that so kindly insisted in personally accompanying you home.
_
When Clark stopped the car, it felt like all the questions fighting for attention in your brain only grew louder with the absence of the party music. Like every time you interacted, he was the perfect gentleman, a sweetheart, always kind and thoughtful and gentle. Back at the party, you had been even closer than ever. All those stolen moments you shared paled in comparison to that one. Surely, he must have noticed your moment of weakness and decided not to act on it, to pretend like he didn’t realize. He couldn’t be that oblivious.
It made sense, seeing as his heart was apparently taken. There were rumors in the office, of Clark being hung up on someone. He always seemed absent-minded, lost in a beautiful romantic daydream of that special person. If only you could be so lucky, but having your feelings reciprocated felt like an impossible dream. You could see that now, clear as day despite the darkness that surrounded you.
“Are you okay?” Clark’s husky voice startled you slightly in the stillness of the car. “You’re very quiet”
“I was just wondering…” You dared to look him in the eyes, forgetting how beautiful and piercing they were. For a moment, it took your breath away. “Are the rumors true? Do you… are you… and someone in the office…?”  
“Maybe… why do you ask?” He attentively stared at you, but his tender expression wasn’t endearing this time. It was heartbreaking, because someone else caused it.
“I…” Unprompted, a deep sadness overwhelmed you. The electric magic that seemed to fill the air whenever he was around disappeared, replaced with a cold void.
“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Clark placed a hand on your wrist, but this time the gesture didn’t feel as lovely either. “You’re acting strange”
Tears arrived to your eyes. You had a sudden realization that, no matter how close and intimate you got with Clark, it would never be enough. He was thinking of someone else.
Every time I see you, I die a little more Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls It'll never be enough As you drive me to my house I can't stop these silent tears from rolling down You and I both have to hide on the outside Where I can't be yours and you can't be mine
But I know this, we got a love that is homeless
Was he really that blind to your love to give you hope? Especially when his harbored someone else? Was that undeniable connection doomed because of another person?
He was staring at you, yet again expecting an answer. His insistent gaze made your heart race, made you flustered as usual. This wasn’t fair…
“I’m in love with you” You spit out before you could stop yourself.
The silence seemed to grow. It loomed over you, lurking in order to swallow you at any moment, and take your empty heart with it.
“Oh…” Clark retrieved his hand, dragging his fingers along your skin.
Feeling all kinds of stupid and hopeless, you averted your gaze. Your wrist felt cold and hot at the same time. That spot missed his touch, but it remembered it.
“I’ll…” He cleared his throat. “I’ll walk you to the door”
Moving your head so he couldn’t see your face, you looked out the window. He stayed in the seat, so you nodded your head without making eye contact. When you made to open the door, he exited the car himself.
In the time that it took him to round the vehicle to reach the copilot door, you took a deep breath to calm yourself. You didn’t want him to know how much you were hurting. It would only make things worse.
It's obvious you're meant for me Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep But I'll never show it on my face
Before he could, you opened the door and walked out of the car. There stood Clark’s tall figure, illuminated by a streetlight behind him and making him look like an angel in a halo. You and him… it would have been too good to be true.
You started walking to your front door, with him standing by you and watching your every move. He was worried, and you could tell. You couldn’t even be mad at him or that person that stole his love. After all, you wanted him to be happy, even if it was with somebody else.
As you walked, you subtly wiped the tears from your cheeks and busied yourself with getting your keys out. They rattled in the silence of the night, making your ears ring. It was the only sound filling the void other than your slow, feeble footsteps. Your front door was closer each second, and with that a sense of anticipated relief reached you bit by bit, desperately attempting to take over the hurt.
“Y/N?” Clark piped up, but you didn’t feel strong enough to hear what he wanted to say.
“Thanks for taking me home” Was all you told him, already lifting your arm with your keys prepared.
“Wait” He spoke in an ushered whisper, delicately stopping your hand when you were opening the door. His fingers were warm even in that chilly night. “I don’t think you understood me before”
“You don’t have to explain” You told him, mentally begging him to stop talking. “Really, Clark”
“I do” His grip on your wrist tightened a little. “Because I am in love with that someone…”
“Clark…” You began, gritting your teeth and struggling to keep faking.
“Will you look at me?” His hand gingerly rested against your cheek, tilting your head so you reluctantly stared into his blue eyes. “That someone is you… how could you think it was anyone but you?”
You gawked at him, unable to believe him. He backed off slightly, letting go of your wrist and giving you some space. As usual, he seemed to know exactly what you needed.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” You weren’t angry, you weren’t sad, nor disappointed. Shock was the only thing you could feel among the sea of emotions that threatened to drown you.
“I thought you knew…” He continued, given your quietness. “I was waiting for a sign”
“A sign?”
“A sign that you… loved me back”
“I knew you loved someone, I just… I never thought it was me…”
Clark frowned, seemingly as heartbroken as you were. He made to touch you again, but this time he hesitated. You could see it in his eyes, the regret and guilt and fear. After all this time being so unapologetically affectionate, he was afraid to hurt you again. He was afraid to harm you in any way, even if it hadn’t been his intention. All that pain and uncertainty… it was all for nothing. Clark loved you, he always had. There was no one else, only you.
“I’m sorry if I ever hurt you” Once again, he read you like an open book. He knew you so well, and he cared so much, that he read your thoughts.
“Get out of my head…” You spoke in a whisper, fascinated by him.
Relieved by the shift in the atmosphere, from tense and sad to hopeful and light, he chuckled. His brow was still furrowed, but now it showcased that fondness from always. Knowing what you did now, you realized it wasn’t only that. It was fondness, and an absolute adoration that you were surprised not to have seen until then. It was always there, you were just too blind and too afraid to see it.
“Can I…?” Clark began, but you interrupted him.
“Yes” You replied before he could finish the question, you knew what he was going to say anyways. And the answer was yes, one hundred times yes.
He smiled and moved closer to you. Feeling his warmth in the chilly night, you shivered as he lovingly wrapped his arms around you. Like they belonged there and always had, your hands settled on his chest. He deeply breathed in, as though he couldn’t contain such emotion. Then, he finally leaned in.
Your eyes closed at the touch of his lips, feeling goose bumps now that it finally happened. He held you tight at last, tighter, as tight as he could, as he pressed you against him. Your hands went up to his shoulders, holding on to him as your legs threatened to give in under the weight of your immeasurable happiness.
The kiss was magical, warm, passionate and tender. It was loving and sweet and cathartic. When it ended after a few seconds, you slowly opened your eyes. Clark was staring at you, receiving you with a bright smile. He didn’t say anything, but you understood anyway.
There was no noise anymore and he didn't have to whisper in your ear, but he still reached you deeply. He saw you in ways no one else could, he talked to you and read you without the need of words, and that kiss was proof of it all, like a whisper among the noise.
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pparkerpoetry · 3 years
Text
Face Reality (Part 1)
Title: It’s Better This Way (but then why does it hurt?)
"Really, it was Ranboo’s fault, he figured, because if he hadn’t been so stupid, surely he wouldn’t have clung to a business relationship and blown it out of proportion. It hurt now, but he hoped that the pain would dull. He hoped that now he had gotten away from everyone who he cared about but never cared about him, that he would be able to find peace.
It was better this way.
Then why did it hurt so much?"
Part 2
Masterlist
His hands were shaking in the cold, or from stress, he couldn’t remember which one. Maybe it was both. His hands were shaking, his head was pounding, and the comfort room that he had built so carefully did nothing.
His pets did their best, but there was nothing to be done. He was too far gone at this point, and the tears welling in his eyes couldn’t be stopped. There was nothing that could be done to stop his breath from becoming faster, there was nothing that could be done to stop the soft endermen warbles from leaving his throat.
Well, maybe one thing. But it was impossible. There was no way that he would be calmed down by anyone, not when he had overheard what they’d said. No one would hear him and hold him in a warm embrace to comfort him, no one would bother to find out just how messed up he was.
No one was going to take the time out of their stupid days to help him. He just wasn’t worth it, in their eyes.
Ranboo buried his face into the fur of his dog, hoping that his tears would be absorbed rather than hurting him. He didn’t want to deal with more than he already was, it would just add unnecessary complications to what he was about to do.
He stayed sitting for a while, admittedly, but once his noises had quieted and his shaky, suppressed sobs had stilled to slight hiccups, He stood up. His legs were unstable, but he walked, leaning against the wall to reach his chests. 
He filled his inventory with as much as he could carry. He left anything that he could easily get again, he got all of his pets standing, and then he clambered up the rickety ladder. It was dark, and only one lone light was on in the cottage that Ranboo stared at longingly. 
It’d be so easy to reach out.
Ranboo started walking towards the cottage, but he didn’t stop. He kept walking towards the portal, only pausing when he heard the telltale sound of a door opening.
“Ranboo, is that you? What are you doing up?”
Oh, Phil.
He didn’t turn around. He didn’t want Phil to see his puffy eyes, his wavering smile. “Oh, I was just going to see if I could find any mobs, get some experience. Chat with some endermen if they don’t get scared. Don’t worry about me!”
It was spoken with such obviously faked cheerfulness that Phil must’ve known he was lying. He had his pets on him, why did he need a parrot to go mob hunting? He didn’t turn around, surely that was suspicious. 
There were so many things wrong with his alibi, but if Phil noticed the hybrid’s voice cracking with sadness, he didn’t say anything. Why would he? He just gave an “Okay.” and shut the door softly.
Ranboo let out the sob that he had been holding in, stumbling forward and away from his home house. He could find a nice place, rebuild. Find peace.
Then why was he so sad? Was it because he had thought he had finally found people that cared about him? Was it because he had thought that he could finally be himself, and not hide who he was? Was it because all of his hopes amounted to nothing, only serving to crush him more? Was it because, with all of the people in this forsaken land, he was still lonely?
He remembered to take a deep breath, although it was probably closer to a sharp inhale, as he trudged through the snow and to the shimmering portal to the Nether.
He didn’t know what it was, but something in him made the Nether seem so unappealing that he just sat in the snow for a little, thinking. It would be dangerous for his pets, and he didn’t want anything to happen to them...
At the end of his train of thought, Ranboo gathered his pets and started walking to the coast. He didn’t know why, until he was staring down through the water at the stone of a Fortress.
Should he?
It was with startling clarity, then, that he remembered what his people had said to him when he wanted to reach the overworld. 
“You can go, if you so wish, but it is a land of evil. You will find no comfort there. You will come back to us, crying, and will know that we were right. You can go, but be prepared to be faced with nothing but sorrow and pain. Do you want to go, child? Then go, but never come back. We will no longer want you here. We will have nothing to offer but a turned side.”
As Ranboo stood in the sand, looking down, he pondered on those words. Would they accept him if he pleaded long enough? If he cried enough? Would he find peace in the land that he had been so eager to leave as a naive child, only to discover that the way back was sealed?
He remembered the fear that he had felt knowing that the choice was permanent back then, but would it be now? This wasn’t the same place he had emerged.
He made a split-second decision, diving under the surface and ignoring the stinging of the water on his face that made him wince. He landed on the cracked stone, not surprised that there were torches everywhere. What did he expect- humans to not meddle in business that wasn’t theirs? To leave what was peaceful alone? Not the humans he knew. No, they only knew war and manipulation.
He wandered the halls, looking for the portal, patting his pets occasionally as they followed him. He almost wanted to leave them here, but he couldn’t ensure their safety. Not with humans. They were better off with him.
Ranboo almost laughed at that. Nothing was better off with him.
Eventually, he found the portal. It was in a room that had clearly already been found, but the portal wasn’t lit. The space in the middle was filled in, and it looked like someone was using it as a table. It was a good thing he knew who, but his heart still burned with rage at something so important being disrespected and demoted to something as domestic as a table. 
Time passed in a way that he couldn’t quite grasp, but at some point in his contemplation on whether it was worth it, he heard a noise from the hallway. He didn’t move, because he figured he knew who it was.
He was wrong, of course. Just like he always was.
That didn’t mean he had no clue who the being was when he turned to look. He had seen this god, many years ago when he was a child.
“You want to go back?” The voice wasn’t natural, but it seemed similar to the one that haunted him in his darkest moments.
“I’m thinking about it.” Ranboo responded, sitting down on the cold floor.
“You realize you need me to light it? How were you going to get there?”
A heavy sigh passed through the hybrid that looked so small there, on the stone. “I was going to cross that bridge when I got to it.”
It was quiet, but the deity took pity on the child. “I’ll do it.”
“What?”
“I’ll light the portal for you. Help you get back. I can’t promise they’ll accept you back, and I’ll have to close it once you’re gone, but I’ll help you.”
Ranboo scoffed. “Don’t try to be all buddy-buddy with me. I’ve got nothing left to offer back for it.”
It grew dark, as if the being was sucking light from the nearest sources. The black aura around it grew, as its wings fanned out. “Don’t mistake my duties for kindness. You got out, I’m getting you back in. You are going to be just as alone in there as you are out here, it makes no difference to me.”
“Maybe it’ll hurt less in there.” Ranboo whispered. Then, “Light it.”
In a split second, it was done. The black expanse of starry night beckoned him, so Ranboo stepped up to it. Before he entered it, though, the god spoke again.
“If they come looking for you, I’ll let them in. Maybe you need someone to find you, show you they care.”
As Ranboo ushered his pets into the portal, he straightened to his full height and stared the deity in the eyes, ignoring the sudden urge to attack. “Don’t bother. They’ll never look for me.”
And, just like that, he was gone. 
The god gave a slight chuckle as he moved to put the portal back to as it was, only the ominous purple particles giving any clue as to what had just happened. “I don’t know what they’re doing to these kids, but it’s a good storyline. Maybe the script’ll be even more angsty. Ranboo is carrying that, though. Maybe they won’t even use Pandora’s Vault- but you never know.”
And, just like that, it was quiet in the tundra again, the first hints of dawn clinging to the skies. In the distance, a shack lay abandoned, and the people in the cottage slept peacefully. They didn’t know why, but their dreams that night were of a land with pitch-black skies and flying cities. 
They spared it no thought. It was just a dream.
______________________________________
Ranboo emerged from the portal, and was greeted with silence, just as it was with the silence of the snow. His soul felt torn, part of it glad to be back, one hating it. 
He held his head high as he carried his pets to find his old home. Maybe they hadn’t destroyed it, yet. Maybe they had so little faith in him that they knew he’d be back.
The island he was on seemed so... dead. Empty. No endermen were there. 
Ranboo pushed down the feeling of unease that he had. Now was no time for being sick. Not when he needed to travel over the void.
He found the hidden pathways that all the inhabitants of the End used, feet moving almost mechanically as he found the city he needed. His old home. 
When he entered the old house that he had been given, off the side of one of the bigger buildings, he was greeted by one enderman. He was startled by the sudden interaction, but then the other started talking.
“Hello, child. We knew you would be back. You’re later than the books said you would be, though.”
The garbled speech surprised Ranboo, and he struggled to remember the tongue that he had once been so fluent in.
“I am. Where is everyone?”
The enderman gave a short little scoff. “Gone. Packing. We’re leaving the city. We knew you’d be back and want no part in it. You’ve fallen far, child. You have forgotten our language, you embraced the overworld as your own, you smell of humans. We said that we would not accept you back, and you dared test that? You are on your own, and have searched for comfort in the wrong place, hybrid.”
The way that that word had been spoken hurt Ranboo, as if he wasn’t worth as much because of his heritage. He kept his tears at bay, getting his pets to sit down in their new spots.
He didn’t register the enderman teleporting away, but when he stepped into the city he got no comforting welcome, he got no pitied hugs, no one offered him words of advice. They all walked past him, humming, as if they didn’t see him. As if he didn’t matter. As if he was invisible to them as they abandoned their life-long homes to get away from him. No arms circled around him to hold him as he broke, no one gave him the attention that he needed so badly, that he had traveled so far to try and find.
It was then that the tears fell again, finding a new path down his face as the old ones had scabbed over. They burned him, but it didn’t matter. He was even more alone now.
“Please,” He cried. “Please, I’m sorry. Please, I just want a home.”
There was no answer to be spared for the boy.
“Please, I’ll be good, I’ll be quiet, I’ll gather stuff for you. Please, I just want someone, please-”
There was no one to respond to his call.
“Please,” He warbled, letting the enderman part of him come out more. “Please, just answer me.”
There was no change in the crowd of lanky, black bodies that gave him a large berth. There was no comfort to be found in those long arms. There was no love in the screeches.
The sobs that racked his body didn’t stop for hours and hours, maybe more, because the sky was no good judgement of time. It was just a dark expanse, almost as unwelcoming as all of the failed versions of family that Ranboo had searched for.
When he looked up next, the city was abandoned for good. It was just him, alone, with no one but his pets to cling to for sanity.
He stayed sitting on the vaguely dusty ground for a while, numb. He’d lost three homes, in just a few days.
As much as he wanted to beg to go back, beg on his knees that he was wrong, beg and plead and hope that someone took pity on him, He knew he couldn’t. He knew he didn’t belong where the sky moved and had colors, he knew that no one would take pity on him, he knew that no one actually cared for him. 
He had to face reality. No one cared for him, they only used him for as long as he could provide something to them, no matter how many things he gave, no matter how many times he searched for even a semblance of a family.
As he trudged back to his small little house and tried to sleep, hoping his dreams would take him far away from where he was, or better yet not even wake up, he was only haunted by the words that had caused this whole thing in the first place.
He hadn’t meant to eavesdrop. He really didn’t, but as usual, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
_________________
“So, now that we have a base and we have a plan, who are we going to invite to join us?” That gruff voice was Techno. 
Base? Wasn’t their base just their cottage? They had another one?
A softer voice. Phil. “Maybe Niki? She seems pretty against L’manburg now.”
Techno scoffed. “She’s making some land with Fundy, I think. We’ll have to see how that plays out, keep an eye on them. My voices are saying Ranboo, what do you think about that, Phil?”
“Ranboo could be a good choice. We’ve been kind to him, and he’s useful with all of the gifts he’s been giving us. The memory issues might be a problem, though.”
The pig hybrid hummed, before speaking again, “Wait, we could use it to our advantage! Tell him he’s part of it, get him to go feral on whoever we need him to, drop him off at his little shack, and he forgets. It leaves us clear of the blame, it’s perfect!”
Ranboo felt as if all of the air had been knocked out of his lungs. Techno wanted to get him to join their… whatever, and get him to be violent? Phil would refute it. He had to.
“Hmm, maybe.” Phil said. NO, Phil, no, please, don’t agree- “Actually, yeah, that could work really well. He’s got ties with Tubbo, ties with Dream. He can get in places that don’t trust us. Plus, if he keeps giving us gifts, it’s definitely worth keeping him around. Large profit.”
They laughed a bit, and Ranboo slid down the door that he almost opened before catching wind of their voices. He pulled his knees to his chest, ears still picking up their conversation no matter how much pressure his hands put on them. 
“The only problem is I hope he doesn’t get attached. He’s had a rough time, but I’m not sure he’s aware that this is a professional relationship to benefit each other, not a familial one.” 
At those words, Ranboo stood up, and teleported to his comfort room. It had been a while since he lost control of his teleportation, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t even register which one said that.
He had thought that this was his chance, his hope for a life that didn’t kick him down all the time. He guessed not, though, if he was nothing but a means to an end, a money giver, a source of information and nothing else.
__________________
He needed to face reality. Phil wasn’t a good father to his other sons, what made him think that he would be a good one to him? Techno wasn’t a brother, he only cared about anarchy, and if Ranboo was the way to get it, why would he mind housing the hybrid?
Really, it was Ranboo’s fault, he figured, because if he hadn’t been so stupid, surely he wouldn’t have clung to a business relationship and blown it out of proportion. It hurt now, but he hoped that the pain would dull. He hoped that now he had gotten away from everyone who he cared about but never cared about him, that he would be able to find peace. 
He didn’t expect to have to find it alone, on a floating island surrounded by nothing but darkness, with nothing but his fading memory and a vague sense of direction connecting him to the family that never saw him as more than a weapon.
It was better this way.
Then why did it hurt so much?
***
@tommyapollogist sorry, i gotta write more ranboo angst i guess
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backtobackbakubabe · 3 years
Text
I am the Alpha Now Part 13
Bakugo X Reader (Violence, mentions of torture) Also Dabi enters the chat in this chapter :)
Words: 2454
Masterlist
Reader is from America and somewhat of a delinquent with an alpha quirk that allows her to turn into a wolf as well as bond with dogs. She is sent to UA to straighten out her attitude. She ends up in a power struggle with none other than our favorite hot head. Words in Italics are words said telepathically.
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You tried to put as much distance between you and UA as possible, and fast. You knew it only a matter of time before Katsuki noticed you were gone. You also knew it wouldn’t take long for him to come after you. Your adrenaline was pumping, and your breath was labored as you tried to keep your anxiety attack at bay.
You didn’t really know where you were. You had only ever left campus with Bakugo or Kirishima leading the way. The email said they would find you, so here you were wandering around town taking random turns and looking over your shoulder every few seconds.
You felt empty disconnecting from your pack, but you couldn’t risk them coming to find you. At least not yet. Your heart ached at their absence. Usually there was a persistent warm buzz in your chest that connected you to Mercy and now Katsuki…. Now it’s just cold.
A shiver ran down your spine. This was the most alone you had ever been since getting Mercy.
You took another turn and ran into a dead-end alley. You were about to turn around when your shoulders tensed. There was someone behind you.
“What do we have here? A little lost mouse perhaps?” Your instincts kicked in at the sound of the hostile and unfamiliar voice. Your eyes glowed as you started to shift but a hand clamped down around the back of your neck and squeezed. “Oh I don’t think so. You might look like a sweet girl, but I’ve seen the videos… I know what you’re capable of.” The hand started to heat up and you could smell your skin start to burn. “There was one video in particular… You ripped a man’s arms off with your teeth… and although you were in wolf form, I swear you looked excited about it.”
You hissed through the pain before putting your hands up in a show of submission. “If you kept watching then you would know that wasn’t the only thing I ripped off? So, I would be careful if I was you. I mean unless you’d like to join the castration club.”
The man laughed loud and giddily, “Oh I like you. You’re feisty.” His hand got even hotter, making the tears instinctively prick at the corners of your eyes. “I love feisty girls. I really turns me on to watch them break…” He released his hand and watched as your skin started to slowly heal itself. “Oh that’s just beautiful. It seems you’re a little less…. Breakable…. Oh we’re going to have so much fun together dollface.”
With his hand gone you swung around and tried to elbow him in the face, but he caught it and threw you to the ground. “I wouldn’t do that again if I were you. I don’t care how fast you heal. My fire will incinerate you. It will cremate you where you stand.” He leaned down to get on your level and his thumb stroked a tear away from your cheek. “I don’t want to do that. So how about we just play nice and I won’t have to.”
Now that you could see his face you recognized him immediately. This was Dabi. He was there the night the league kidnapped Katsuki. You hadn’t been there, but you had heard horror stories from your fellow classmates. Katsuki was the only one who refused to talk about it. It had left an emotional scar in him so deep that he wouldn’t even talk to you about it. You spit in his face, “What the fuck do you even want with me?”
You saw something flash in his blue eyes. Something between disgust and fascination. “Well the boss had originally only wanted you for one job… but now that I see how fun you can be, I’m thinking I might just make you my little pet. I’ve always wanted a dog.”
You sharpened your nails to claws and raked them across his chest, ripping out some of those surgical staples as you went. You heard him grunt in pain before backhanding you hard. You heard a sickening crunching noise as your head hit the wall. Your vision blurred and you grew dizzy. You knew you would heal soon, but you just needed to not pass out before then.
Dabi grabbed your hair and yanked back to make you look at him. “You’re going to regret that. I was prepared to do this the easy way. So, this is your first, last, and only warning. Do what we ask, and we will let you go. Resist and you’ll be mine to play with until I get bored.” He leaned closer narrowing his eyes at your defiant expression. “I can see the fight in your eyes. That’s good. You’re going to need it. But just remember that we can release those files to the public at any time. Don’t do anything stupid.”
You chuckled, “You’re the ones who need to remember that if you release those files, you take away everything from me. You’ve apparently seen what I’m like when I go feral. You push me into a corner. You take away what makes me human… You’ll be signing your death warrant.”
He smirked but his eyes looked angry. He gripped your hair tighter before throwing it back into the wall and your world went dark.
***** Bakugo’s POV*******
Where the fuck did you go? Where are you? Why can’t he find you? He knows you taught him how. You had practiced it many times together. There were dozens of times he would even reach out during class just to feel your calming presence when he got anxious. Now it’s just…. Gone. There was a void where he used to be able to feel you. He still has some small consolation in the form of Mercy who was equally if not more devastated at your missing state.
“Did she say anything before she left? Give you any kind of clue as to where she might be going?”
Mercy whined as he walked beside Bakugo with his nose to the ground trying to get a sent. “All she said was she was feeling nervous and needed to go to the bathroom. She left and then out of nowhere she turned the bond off. I can’t feel her either.”
Bakugo ran a nervous hand through his hair. “Is this normal? You think she’s just throwing a tantrum or something? She seemed a little irritated the other day with the thought of being a mooch…”
Mercy stiffened and huffed, “No… If she were throwing a tantrum, she would only hide from you. No offense. The only other time our bonds been cut was when….” Mercy stopped walking and Bakugo could feel his despair.
Bakugo was now trying to run his anxious fingers through Mercy’s fur, “When what? When did this happen before?”
Mercy whimpered and shook his head, “She wouldn’t want me to tell you. She doesn’t like to talk about it.”
Bakugo tried to keep his voice from shaking as his anxiety and anger started to take over, “I know you would never do anything that would hurt y/n. But right now you keeping secrets from me could possibly be putting her in danger. We need to find her and bring her back. So please Mercy. Just tell me. Please.”
Mercy shook his fur as a shiver went down his spine. “Okay but it’s not easy to hear. And she will be livid when she finds out I told you.”
Bakugo nodded his head urging Mercy to continue. “It’s only happened twice. Both times when we were in America. Her dad was the sheriff, but he wasn’t a very good one. He wasn’t crooked or anything. Just incompetent. However he did tend to look the other way a few times, mostly because he was a coward. Y/n took it upon herself to start doing the dirty work. Take down the bad guys for him. She just wanted to make him proud.”
Mercy continued to sniff the ground as he spoke, “One night she got captured. It was almost two years ago, she almost seventeen. We had split up to try and trap them in. It was something we did a lot back then. Except this time, I got there, and she was gone. She had turned off the bond as well. I later found out that she was being tortured and she didn’t want me to feel that pain with her. She wanted to carry that alone. To this day I don’t know exactly what happened. But I don’t know it was the first time she ever went feral.”
Bakugo’s heart shattered but somehow continued to beat very loudly in his ears. “What do you mean feral?”
Mercy took an abrupt turn and looked both ways and sniffing before continuing on his path, “Yeah feral. If she’s ever pushed to her limits… she turns feral which is just as bad as it sounds. She turns into this wild dog that doesn’t seem to care about anything but it’s own survival. They had her for three days before she broke. She killed that night. She knows she did, but she claims to not remember doing it.”
Bakugo’s head was spinning. How did he not know any of this? He had even tried looking you up before you got here. He had found plenty of misdemeanor vigilante bullshit, but nothing like this. His fists clenched in anger. He knew it was stupid to be mad that he couldn’t protect you before he even knew you existed. But he knew you now, and here he was, fucking letting you down. “When was the second time? You said it happened twice?”
Mercy’s ears pinned back, “When she died…”
“I’m sorry… When she WHAT?”
Mercy stopped for a brief moment, “She drowned maybe a month before we came here. Her healing can do a lot, but it can’t do anything about that.”
Bakugo followed Mercy into an empty alley, “Was it a villain?”
Mercy stopped, “Yup…..Being the only hero in a small town where crime is on the rise put a huge target on her back….This is where the scent stops.”
Bakugo looked around for anything. Any sign you were here, but all he found was blood on the wall. One look at Mercy confirmed his fears. That it was yours.
******* Your POV******
There was a dull ache in your head, but not nearly as bad as it should have been. You had a blindfold on, and your arms were bound behind you. You flexed a little to test your restraints. Given enough time to wake up your still groggy body, you thought you could probably break them.
“Oh it sounds like someone’s finally awake.” The blindfold was ripped off and you had to squint at the bright light now assaulting your vision.
Dabi was crouched down to your level running a dirty hand through your hair now, “I have to say I’m a big fan of the whole healing thing. I didn’t even have to clean you up after bashing your skull in. So convenient.”
You would roll your eyes, but your head still hurt a little. “So is this the part where you tell me what you actually fucking want or what?”
Dabi stood back up when he heard footsteps behind him. Shigaraki approached giving the both of you a bored look. “I apologize for Dabi’s poor manors and quick temper. I had hoped to get you here in a more civilized manor, but he still managed to get you here in one piece, so I guess that’s all that matters. My name is-“
“Shigaraki, yeah I know. You’re the leader of the League. I do my homework.”
This makes the crusty man chuckle, “That makes two of y/n l/n. I’ve done quite a bit of research on you, and honestly I am just surprised they let you anywhere near UA given your reputation.”
You flexed again to test your restraints. You know you could break out of them if you wanted to. You just needed to wait until the right moment.
Shigaraki looked bored again as he sighed and turned to leave the room. “Dabi’s in charge of your little mission so play nice and do as he says. We’re not against the idea of kidnapping your boyfriend again. Should be easy considering he’s more than likely out looking for you as we speak. Alone.”
As soon as crusty was out of earshot Dabi perked up. “You heard the man. I’m in charge. Let’s get going then.” He took a few steps before he realized you weren’t following him. You made an annoyed face while gesturing to your bound hands. He chuckled. “I think we both know you’re strong enough to bust out of those. Come on let’s go. I’m not known for being patient.”
You grunted as you broke the restraints. One of your wrists popping painfully as you did so. You silently followed Dabi out of the room you had been kept in. You found yourself in a massive, disgusting, warehouse. He kept walking until he was outside and opened the passenger door to a car. You stopped and shook your head, “Nope, I will not be going to a second location with you. That is when people die.”
He scowled before grabbing your shoulder and shoving you inside the car, “I don’t remember asking.” He slammed your door shut and walked around to his side.
The first couple of minutes you rode in silence. The silence was tense and he almost seemed… nervous?
Eventually he tuned the radio up. He started to talk in an even tone while he looked straight ahead at the road. “I was ordered to pick you up because crusty has some weird obsession with the kids that go to school at UA. He thinks he can turn you into some kind of double agent in order to get insight on a few he has his eye on.”
His jaw tightened as he made an effort to keep his tone even. Almost like he thought someone was listening. “I however had a different plan for you. You see I don’t care about those brats. In fact, I’d be just as happy never seeing some of them ever again.”
You could feel your palms sweating. You were in a car with a murderous villain. He apparently had plans for you. You reached back at the spot where you know your head had hit the brick wall. “What do you want me to do?”
His voice got even lower, if that was even possible. “I want you to kill Shigaraki for me.”
**********************************************************************
Tags :
@tspice283 , @realityisoftendisapointing , @imbi-101 , @thoughtfulpandazine2 , @hotarumorikawa , @huh-iwasntpayingattention , @starfishlovingbnha , @weebnumber3622 , @mixedfeeelings , @munchmunch01 , @inumorph @xxoperatexx
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Text
xisuma doesn’t smooth over a server glitch fast enough. the others have to save him from the consequences.
in this fic, i play loosely with minecraft mechanics to create angst. very loosely. don’t think too much about ‘em. you can also date how long i’ve spent on this by the projects they’re working on. 
featuring: being an admin gives you a connection to the server, xisuma has a less than stellar day, angst/comfort, zed is an ender hybrid, false & tango are minor admins, getting stuck in blocks is not a fun experience, the hermits care a lot about each other.
warnings: sensory deprivation, starvation, suffocation, its a death loop babyyy, a fair amount of panic, fighting code, glitches, helplessness, it’s pretty whumpy before the comfort. let me know if something’s missing here.
also on ao3. link in replies.
Xisuma sighs as the sun beats down on him. It's barely let up, even on the outskirts of the jungle. He enjoys the brief stints in the shadow of the giant quartz walls. Even then, waves of heat come off them. All of the structures in his base are a heat trap. Clearing out several layers of dirt and stone is a necessity he should've left for another day. With a click, he tugs his helmet off his head. The humidity outside is worse than his filtered air. He tucks the helmet under his arm, pushing sweat slicked hair from his face.
He's made good progress levelling this arena space. He leaves his helmet on his bed and heads to the temporary storage chests. They're filling up quickly, he notices, as he starts emptying his inventory into them. Except, something's broken. The stacks of blocks aren't all moving. He tries a few times before sighing, ruffling his hair. When he turns to the area he's been mining, it's still empty. It's been a long time since they've had desync this bad. He's not even sure when it started.
Stepping gently across the stone, he can feel the heat rising from them. He'll rollback the world and then he'll relax by Keralis's river. The farm is delightfully cool. Anything will be better than this oppressive heat.
He's almost reached his bed when something takes hold in his chest and pulls.
He stumbles forward with a gasp. Of course, the server decides to fix itself this time. He forces his feet forward, trying to reach his helmet so he can smooth things over. He only makes it two steps until his eyes are forced shut as the server reloads. For a split second, all he feels is the chill of the void as chunks reload around him.
He opens his eyes to darkness. It feels like he's suspended in space, unable to move. There's a suffocating pressure around him. Though it's with shallow breaths, he can still breathe. Did something go wrong? He blinks hard. All of his limbs are accounted for, he's certainly present. Even when he's working in the void there are still particles around him. His attempt to raise his arm fails, finding it impossible to open his back up admin panel. His helmet is- where even is his helmet?
His breath hitches, a feeling of panic escaping his controlled calm. He feels like he can't breathe. He can't move. He's trapped in his own body.
What's happening?
-
[MumboJumbo] anybody else just experience some major desync?
[Keralis1] Oh, is that what that was?
[Zedaph] I had nearly finished my redstone! All of that work, gone!
[FalseSymmetry] didn't you notice you weren't actually... losing anything from your inventory?
[Tango] he was probably too caught up in his supposed mastery
[FalseSymmetry] everybody okay though?
[Grian] all good here!
[Zedaph] Only my pride's wounded.
-
False looks down at the bedrock layer at her base. Like half an hour spent placing glass, all gone to waste. She groans, closing her chat as it pings away. Sure, she can rib Zedaph, but that doesn't change the fact she just did the exact same thing. She kicks off the sidewalk, gliding to the bedrock layer. She can feel the cold of the void float up with specks of grey.
"Good going, False," she murmurs. Some patches of glass survived. It's almost worse, that's going to be so much less satisfying to fill in. She takes her goggles off, tugging her hair loose to tie it in a low ponytail. Usually Xisuma gives them a warning before the server resets like that. It always messes up her hair, leaves it floaty and static.
She adjusts her goggles on her head, opening the player menu. Xisuma's currently online. She checks chat. He hasn't said anything. She considers it strange, but it's not unusual. Maybe he's been at a farm and isn't AFKing. She types out a private message, sending it across to him.
[FalseSymmetry to Xisuma] hey x, server blipped, might need to check it when you get back.
She'll see if he returns her message. She's got glass to place.
-
Iskall looks through his in-progress sorting system with a frown. It's broken somewhere. The stupid server reload has glitched it out and he can't find how. He's checked the redstone, he's checked the hoppers and he's checked the chests! Which means it's glitched. Either Xisuma reloads the chunk for him, or he's going to have to tear it down.
Actually, he'll probably have to tear it down anyway. Reloading the chunk will only roll it back.
At least he's not the only person who's redstone has been ruined. The thought brings some comfort. If he has to be miserable, somebody else should be too. He opens his communicator, checking who's around at the moment. That might take his mind off it.
He notices that Xisuma's online. Their admin has been quiet in chat since the reload. Maybe there's something going on behind the scenes he's having to sort out. He'll reach out to Mumbo and Grian, but first, he sends a message X's way.
[iskall85 to Xisuma] hey is everything alright? nothing broke?
[iskall85 to Xisuma] don't forget you can reach out to us if you need help.
-
He has no idea how much time has passed. Usually he's connected intrinsically to the server. It helps him keep track of the world, dig out any errors or mishaps - sometimes before his suit alerts him. It's essential for his job in order to keep things running smoothly. The server is always there, at the edges of his consciousness.
In this nothing, he can't even keep track of his internal clock. Perhaps it's his own panic, but the code he tries to reach out to feels fuzzy. It feels like it's glitching, sending shooting pains through his head if he focuses too hard. He couldn't take a guess how long he's been trapped. His breathing still comes too fast and shallow, ignoring his attempts to calm down.
He's completely helpless here. And he doesn't even know where here is.
-
Tango stares up at the stars on his ceiling. He checks his inventory again, counting aloud. He flicks it off with a frown. Yeah, he's definitely missing some. It's not a massive deal, Impulse will be happy to help out. But if he's having problems then some of the other hermits might be. Perhaps they fell and despawned in the reload. Either way.
"Tangoooooo!" The cry is accompanied by several rockets, something hitting the ground and the sound of damage. He chuckles, stepping away as Zed soars over the edge, stumbling forward with a flutter of his elytra. Tango straightens him up with his free hand.
"No, I'm not doing your redstone for you." Zedaph gasps, dusting off his jeans. He bounces up with a grin.
"You really think I'd come all this way for that?" Zed questions.
"So why have you come all the way here?"
"I'm bored," Zed replies. "And it still stings too much to do my redstone again." Tango laughs, opening up his chat. Xisuma's online, though Tango doesn't expect an immediate response.
"How do you feel about some wither grinding?" He types a message to Xisuma, Zedaph attempting to peer over his shoulder.
"Mmm, I don't see why not."
[Tango to Xisuma] Hey, seem to have lost some stars when the server reset
[Tango to Xisuma] might wanna check nothing important got eaten.
"Right, let's go."
-
Keralis hums, staring at the plot he was about to start building on. The area has been a bit... Funny. He'll break and replace a block, only to have it switch again. He might have to work on another area until it sorts itself out. His attempts at working here started after the reload, so he doesn't know if that caused it. He's not been able to spot Xisuma nearby either. He's been online, but Keralis hasn't spotted him in chat for a while.
He sighs as he watches the last blocks he placed switch back as if nothing happened. Crossing his arms, he examines the area. He wonders how big this is. Definitely more than one chunk. His new house is going to have to wait. He was excited to show Xisuma around, too.
With a glance at the sky, he realises it's late afternoon. He yawns, stretching his back out. Perhaps it'll be best to settle in his office and work on some future designs. He'll drop a message in chat first, in case this is affecting anyone else. It might give him an excuse to hunt down Shishwamy. He always feels guilty bothering him about things. Their admin takes far too much responsibility on his shoulders. They’re all adults. Keralis wishes he’d ask for help sometimes.
-
[Keralis1] Has anyone else been having glitchy blocks?
[iskall85] some of my redstone is broken but it's no biggie
[Tango] lost some of my nether stars with the reload but it's been fine since.
[FalseSymmetry] been placing glass without any problems since the reset
[MumboJumbo] I haven't had any problems either.
[Keralis1] A bunch of chunks around our bases are glitching
[Keralis1] but it seems like Shishwamy is busy :(
[Grian] well it looks like he just went afk
[iskall85] that answers that lol
-
His mind is becoming blurry. It's hard to focus on... Anything. He can't tell if it's because he's struggling to breathe, or something further, tugging him down and away. He tries to fight against it but there's nothing he can do to stay present. He can't hear anything, barely even his shallow breaths. He can only feel the consistent pressure on every inch of his body, the wet tears on his cheeks. He tries pulling on every one of his senses, but nothing comes up.
He slips under.
-
False empties the last of this glass stack, stepping back at a job well done. She smiles, rubbing her aching hands. It's nice to finally work on this part of her base. Even better now it's not going to pick itself up. At least she hopes so. She'll be right annoyed if it happens again. Something's been tingling at the back of her head, though. She wonders if it's because of the reset.
She looks up at the late afternoon sky. That's enough work for today. As she stretches, she can feel each and every ache in her body. She brushes away her hair, already falling loose. Maybe she'll have something nice for dinner. Some steak, potatoes and pumpkin pie. If she has pumpkin, of course. Xisuma was planning to build a pumpkin farm, wasn't he? His traditional pumpkin and melon combination. She chuckles to herself as she pulls out her rockets.
No matter how things change from season to season, there will always be things that don't. Hermits might come and go, but they'll always be her family.
She launches up, shooting through the water barrier. It's fast enough it doesn't stick. She lands gracefully, making her way to the kitchen. She hopes this nudging in her head doesn't get worse. She just wants to enjoy a nice meal. That's all.
-
"Well, I think we have a plan," Grian declares, grinning from his perch. His legs are crossed, hands resting in his lap.
"I mean, we didn't exactly need a plan to fix our redstone," Mumbo replies, slouched in his chair the way he only ever does in front of them. Iskall chuckles, resting his hands behind his head. They've really helped take his mind off the broken redstone. Mumbo had a similar problem, so tomorrow they'll meet up again and attempt some fixes.
"Always helps," Iskall says, shrugging. "Especially when one of us spends so much time in the Nether depths, now." Grian laughs, his legs kicking.
"Hey, I'm doing good work out there!" Mumbo yawns, looking between them.
"Well I don't know about you two, but I'm exhausted."
"Food then sleep?" Grian suggests. Iskall nods. It's been a long day.
-
It's dark as Zedaph and Tango return from The End. Zedaph yawns, running a hand through his hair, messing it up. Tango rubs the side of his own hair. Something's been bothering him, but he can't tell what. Like there's something just not... Right. Zedaph is chatting beside him, a bounce in his step. It's like he doesn't feel it at all.
"Do you want to have dinner together?" Zed asks, twirling his sword by his side. They've repaired their tools, done everything properly. It's been a hard day's work, but they've achieved a lot, even with the setback.
"Yeah, dinner sounds good." He looks at the night sky, squinting his eyes. Zedaph tilts his head at him. The purple eyes are concerned, particles floating up in his worry.
"Tango, are you okay? You seem... Off." Tango sighs, waving Zedaph's worry away.
"Something's nagging me. It's not a big deal." Zedaph's still frowning, but the particles die down.
"Let's just get you something to eat, yeah?" Tango nods, leaning into Zedaph when he squeezes his shoulder.
"Sounds good to me."
-
Keralis watches the night sky overhead. He's sat in the doorway to his office, a blanket around his shoulders. The stars are always a beautiful sight. It's the perfect way to relax after such a, hm, busy day. Not busy in a conventional sense, no, but still busy. His specially commissioned noteblock song plays in the background, a perfect accompaniment in the peaceful night. He thinks it's strange how the stars always seem the same no matter what world they're in. Maybe he should ask Xisuma about it in the future.
He pops up his screens open. Xisuma is still afk. He misses seeing his neighbour out and about. Xisuma often spends time at his farms, it's nothing new. But Keralis enjoys saying hello to him! Especially after missing well... Years of his life. He tries not to think about that.
With a sigh, he lies against the doorway. Time for bed soon. He laughs at the sound of Bubbles' voice in his head. His communicator beeps and he glances over to it.
Huh. That's interesting.
-
Xisuma is thrown into full consciousness. His stomach is still cramping with phantom hunger. He opens his eyes and finds...
Black.
No, no, he died. He died. Why has he respawned here? He chokes on his sob, realising no air is entering his lungs. His cheeks are still wet with tears, more leaking out as he gasps at nothing. His lungs burn, unable to take the shallow breaths he needs to. Would it even help? He wants to curl up, clutch at the growing pain in his chest. But he can't move an inch. Heaviness sinks into his limbs and head.
He wakes again in the same place. He doesn't know if he wants to scream or cry. There's not enough air for him to scream, anyway.
-
[Xisuma starved to death]
[MumboJumbo] X?? mate?
[Tango] X?
[FalseSymmetry] do we need to get your stuff?
[Keralis1] I'm by his base.
[Tango] he's not afk anymore
[Grian] x???????
[iskall85] maybe he's getting his stuff rn
[Keralis1] Shishwammmmyyyyyyy
[MumboJumbo] starving isn't a nice way to go
[Zedaph] It really isn't.
[Xisuma suffocated]
[iskall85] oh no
[FalseSymmetry] x???? im going over
[Keralis1] so am i
[Tango] this isn't right, this really isn't right
[Xisuma suffocated]
[Grian] what's going on???
-
False shimmies back into her elytra, reaching for the one jacket potato that finished cooking. So much for having a sit-down meal. She rubs her head, pushing away the fear that has something to do with this. Her communicator continues beeping as she grabs her rockets. She runs to the entrance, kicking off and launching into the air.
-
"We should go and help," Iskall decides, already picking up his armour.
"Thought you'd never say." Mumbo straps his elytra on, grabbing a spare shulker box and an ender chest. Grian nods with a seriousness that doesn't fit on his face.
"Let's go."
-
"We're going?" Zed asks. He's already stuffing food into his mouth. Tango rubs his temples, nodding. He takes the elytra that's thrusted into his hand.
"Yeah. We're definitely going." He watches the particles floating off Zed in waves, glowing the same purple as his pupils. Tango presses his eyes shut against another spike of pain as their communicators beep. "C'mon."
-
Keralis scrabbles until he balances on the tower roof. He's searched each one and not found X anywhere. Tapping his foot, he meddles with his communicator to turn some settings on. He has no minor admin powers - that he has to leave to False and Tango - but he can at least try this.
"Ah-hah!" He grins as hitboxes light up beneath him, hopefully a better clue where his currently red coloured friend may be. He scans the towers closely, trying to spot anything out of the ordinary. There are a few mobs, especially as night sets in. Then he sees Xisuma's new build.
He has to take a step back at the sight. The chunks look- a mess. The outline of the blocks are overlapped or flickering. It hurts to look at. Blocks aren't meant to highlight like that. He glides across the treetops. It not only covers the area he was trying to work earlier but spreads into Xisuma's current build. Yeah that's- that's bad. That's not good. His communicator has continued to beep with messages as he searched. He goes to read it, and spots different colours in the mess. The red of an eyeline. He stands on his toes, leaning off the leaves. The outline flickers in and out, accompanied by a beep.
He thinks he's found X.
-
[Xisuma suffocated]
[Keralis1] he's in his new build!
[Keralis1] I think I can see him in the ground
[Keralis1] it is very very broken
[FalseSymmetry] tango? you on your way?
[Tango] as we speak
[Tango] been a long time since we've had to use these powers
[FalseSymmetry] not long enough
-
Tango and Zedaph are the first to land by Keralis's side. They kick up loose powder from the road, taking in the massive structure in front of them. Tango's shoulders raise, cringing at the sight.
"That's definitely broken," he agrees, his eyes twisting as they focus.
"And Xisuma's in the middle of it?" Zedaph looks at Keralis. He nods, usually big eyes sharply focused. He points beyond the walls.
"You can just see his name tag. I think the glitched blocks have got him stuck. I tried to build there earlier but nothing would stay." Tango presses his lips together in thought as False lands. They nod to each other in acknowledgement.
"How long does it take until the blocks pop back?"
Keralis hums, tapping his chin before answering, "About ten seconds, I think."
"That's not going to be enough time to reach him," Zed says. "Can't you just teleport him?" He looks at Tango and False. Tango opens his console menu, typing something in. Zed can tell the answer before Tango says it.
"What ideas do we have?" Keralis asks. "We can't just leave him there!"
"Of course not!" Tango replies, sounding shocked at the suggestion. "We just- need a plan." False nods.
"We're not as powerful as X," she explains, "Together we should be able to roll back these chunks but- I have no idea what that would mean for Xisuma. We don't really work with player code." She brushes her hair back. The conversation is paused as the trio of Grian, Iskall and Mumbo land beside them. The three slot in, listening as they're caught up.
"There has to be something that's making him spawn there." Iskall points out, his hand held towards the structure. False searches through the control panel, whilst Keralis and Tango simply examine the messed up blocks.
"He has a bed in there," Tango answers. False taps where Xisuma's spawn is tied to on her screen.
"Since the blocks are glitched, it must mean the bed isn't like... Registering them. Since they don't fully exist." She thinks about it carefully, putting the pieces together as she explains.
"So if we break the bed, he'll respawn at the world spawn?" Grian suggests.
"But how do we get down there?" Mumbo turns to look. It's pretty far down in the ground. They'd have to move quick to get near where Xisuma is.
"There's a few of us." Iskall waves at the gathered group. "I say with enough TNT and manpower, we could do it."
"Wait-" Zedaph holds his hand up, "-Get me close enough and I can teleport in there, get the bed. Less blocks to destroy."
"Zed." Tango turns to him, glaring at the blond. "That's a stupid idea, don't you get how dangerous that is-"
"Xisuma is stuck in a death loop, Tango!" Zed cuts in, raising his voice. The others fall silent, not sure how to handle this exchange. "Sure, I might die a bit! That's nothing compared to what Xisuma's currently experiencing."
"TNT will destroy a fair amount, but it already puts us on a time limit," Grian adds, a sideways agreement.
"I'm willing to do it. Either we reach the bed, or I teleport in." Zed says it with finality. The others don't argue. False checks his spawn point. Zedaph will respawn back in his cave, safe and sound. Even if it goes wrong, it'll be recoverable.
"We need to be ready to roll back the chunks," False says, focusing on Tango. "If I have this headache for much longer I'm going to go insane." Tango smiles tiredly.
"Fine. Let's try this." He shrugs. "I don't think we have a better idea."
"Well, come on! Let's go!" Keralis claps, placing an ender chest. Tango sighs, typing in a command.
"I think I'm allowed this time," he says, a stack of TNT appearing in his hand.
"And other times?" Grian asks. Even through the teasing, they can hear the fear in his voice.
"Don't push it."
-
There's noises. He blinks his eyes open into the unending darkness. He tries to focus past his burning chest and the weight of his body. There's... Definitely noises up above him. It sounds like explosions. The space he's stuck in shakes slightly. After another lapse, he gasps back to life in the same position. He wants to scream, tell somebody he's down here. This opportunity might not come again.
Then he feels a sharp stab of pain. Something is there, near him. Everything hurts and he still can't breathe. For a moment, he thinks he hears the trill of an Enderman. His tired mind can't figure out how as he runs out of air.
He wakes up to a chill. He slightly opens his eyes, spotting yellow sand as he falls, blacking out.
-
[Xisuma suffocated]
[Zedaph suffocated]
[Grian] have we done it?
[Keralis1] he's at worldspawn! got him!
[iskall85] YES!!!
[Zedaph] Oh thank goodness I don't want to do that again
[World reloaded]
[Tango] Z, you okay?
[Zedaph] I'm good. Bring my stuff? I'm going to worldspawn
[FalseSymmetry] will do
-
"Keralis!" Zedaph's elytra beats as he lands, feet digging into the sand. "Is he okay?" Keralis nods. Xisuma's head is resting in his lap. The admin's eyes are closed as he breathes slowly. His expression is relaxed. It's a good sight to see. The spawn island is lit up well, but Keralis keeps his eye on the surrounding oceans.
"He's sleeping," Keralis says, messing with strands of brown hair. "I don't think I'm strong enough to move him on my own." Zedaph drops onto the sand next to them, crossing his legs. There are still bright particles floating off him, his eyes fully purple. "What about you, Zee?" Zedaph seems to notice Keralis's focus, ducking away to hide his eyes.
"Um, not the best. That kind of sucked. But, it worked, and that's what matters!"
"Make sure you look after yourself, too," Keralis tells him. "Fighting the server's code isn't easy." Zedaph laughs, resting on his hands.
"Can say that again. Forgot we have anti-enderman griefing." Keralis cringes, realising why Zed looks so much like he might collapse. It'll pass, but it's never fun to go against programming like that. The architech trio arrives next. All of them look relieved to see the three on the island.
"Oh, Zedaph, I have your stuff." Mumbo starts emptying it out, the few things Zedaph couldn't fit in an ender chest. Zedaph smiles, tugging his helmet on and feeling a lot more comfortable. He tries not to meet anybody's eyes.
"Tango and False will be on their way. They're just checking everything's good," Grian tells them, hands moving quickly as he talks.
"Should we try moving X somewhere safer?" Iskall suggests. "The shopping district isn't that far."
"If you're willing to boat him." Keralis is firm. "I don't want him dropped in the ocean."
"I swear nothing will happen to him under our watch." Grian puts his hand on his heart. Iskall and Mumbo nod in agreement.
"It'll be the safest boat journey on the server." Iskall's hands are on his hips. Keralis tilts his head up.
"Look into my eyes and nothing but my eyes, if anything happens to my Shishwamy, I will not hold back." The architechs look suitably threatened.
"Can I boat with someone?" Zedaph asks. "I nearly crashed so many times flying over here."
"Hop in the back of mine!" Iskall calls, placing one in the water. Grian plucks Xisuma into his arms, carrying him to the edge of the water. He sets the admin in the boat before climbing in himself. Keralis checks him over before nodding and allowing Grian to keep him.
"I've told the others to meet us there," Mumbo says. "I'm going to fly across and see where's best to bunker down. I think we could all use some sleep."
Zedaph looks at the moon hanging overhead, "Yeah, I think we could."
-
[MumboJumbo] we're heading to the shopping district.
[FalseSymmetry] thats a good plan
[MumboJumbo] any idea who's shop we could stay in?
[FalseSymmetry] my dimension shop is pretty empty
[FalseSymmetry] plenty of room for some beds. pretty warm.
[Tango] we'll get it set up for you
[MumboJumbo] ok. ill protect the others
[Keralis1] so will I.
-
The first thing Xisuma picks up on is the talking. He stays still, trying to tell if his brain is playing tricks on him after so long in the nothing. His body is like a rock. He's barely able to move. His lungs still ache and it takes some conscious effort to continue breathing. He blinks his eyes open, wincing at bright lights. Light. There's light. He rolls forward, a sob leaving his lips before he can catch it.
"Xisuma, hey, hey." The voice is soft, casting a shadow over him. Xisuma forces his eyes open now the worst of the brightness is blocked out. Keralis is crouching in front of the bed. His fingers gently brush across Xisuma's cheek. For once, Xisuma doesn't feel the dried tears that had become his constant. "You're okay, you're safe. We got you." Xisuma takes a shaking breath in, squeezing his arms to feel the pressure of his own touch.
"Do you want your helmet?" He flits to look at False. The mere sight of his helmet is overwhelming. He reaches out and wraps it close to his chest. Keralis laughs gently, scratching through Xisuma's hair. The admin sighs, his eyes slipping closed once more.
"There you go." He can hear the smile in Keralis's voice. "We've got you, right here." The sound of movement. Cracking his eyes open reveals False sitting in front of the bed, weaving her hand into Xisuma's. He squeezes it gently.
"You're in my shop, in the shopping district," she tells him. "It's past midnight. You're completely safe here. We've got things sorted, there's nothing you need to worry about." A tear slips from his eye. Keralis wipes it away.
"What happened?" He can't make his voice louder than a whisper, and even that hurts.
"Something went wrong with the world reload," False tells him. He can trust her not to sugarcoat things. "We all had a few bugs, but the chunks around you glitched out badly. Created a bunch of like... Invisible blocks, but they were visible, if you get what I mean? They weren't fully there. Ugh, Tango's better at all this technical stuff." Xisuma tries to peer around for him, but the light still hurts if he looks for too long.
"You were stuck in a bunch of them," Keralis finishes. "We didn't realise until you starved and got stuck in a death loop. I'm really sorry, Xisuma."
"We broke your bed to get you out. Well, Zedaph did. The others got him close enough then Tango and I fixed the area. It's all sorted." Xisuma forces his sluggish brain to put the pieces together. He didn't dream up that enderman sound. That was-
"He's over there, sleeping. Tango's with him." Keralis points at a bed nearby. Tango's back blocks any sight of their part Ender friend, but Xisuma can see purple particles floating into the air. A concerning amount of them.
"What did Zed do?" He asks, the vice around his lungs tightening in concern.
"Um," Keralis answers, False looking at him. "He mentioned fighting the anti-enderman griefing code? So I think he picked the bed up." Xisuma's stomach drops. He tries to push himself up but collapses onto his back again.
"Hey, X, careful," False warns. Her voice is stern but Xisuma shakes his head.
"No- I-" He shuts his eyes, fighting off disorientation. "The server's going to keep fighting him. I've got to reset it." False helps him sit up, but she still watches him with concern. He picks up his helmet, pulling it on and relaxing slightly as all the displays flicker to life. Now when he looks at Zedaph he can see the extent of the damage. His very code seems to be fighting itself. "Help me up?"
False gets an arm around his chest. He ends up leaning his weight against her to stand, his legs shaking. She's firm, grip only tightening to accommodate his need. Keralis hovers nearby, ready to jump in if he has to. They take slow steps across the room. Xisuma strains to see under the light, but the tint of his helmet helps. He can see the architechs sat nearby, watching without any attempt at discretion.
Tango looks up as they approach. Xisuma can see the resignation on his face.
"This isn't going to fix itself, is it?" He asks. His hand in clasped tightly in Zedaph's, whose usually bright expression is twisted in pain. His skin is all too pale, black freckles spreading into larger patches across his face. He doesn't open his eyes, not even as Tango moves so Xisuma can sit down. The grip on each other's hand remains tight.
"I need to reset the code that's attacking him," Xisuma explains. His words have a tired slur he can't quite hide. "I'm gonna write an exception, I can't believe I haven't already just- not right now. Don't wanna do it wrong."
"Xisuma, it's okay." Tango smiles, pinched but genuine. "I'm sorry you need to do this." Xisuma shakes his head.
"It's nobody's fault," False says, "Do what you need to do, X. Then you're going back to bed." Keralis hums in agreement. Xisuma laughs softly as the command screens in his helmet boot up.
He zones out the others around him, leaning on Keralis's shoulder when his friend perches beside him. He scrolls through information as he brings up Zedaph's data on one screen. With one eye on it, he unlocks the data packs, searching through them. He gives voice instructions with his microphone muted to the outside world. Finding the pack he needs, he disables it and checks Zedaph's data. It looks like his code is straightening out again. Thank goodness. He makes sure all activity is deactivated before he turns the pack back on.
"That should do it," he mumbles, before realising his microphone is still off. He reactivates it before repeating himself.
"Maybe you should teach us a bit more sometime," False squeezes his shoulder, helping him up. Xisuma slings his arm over False with a nod. That would be good.
"Thank you, X." Tango smiles. He rubs his thumb across Zedaph's hand. The ender hybrid has relaxed, face slack. It looks like he's properly sleeping now. Xisuma can finally rest.
"Come on. Don't you fall asleep here, I don't want to carry you across." Xisuma hums, too tired to commit to any words. Before he knows it, he's sitting down on the comfortable bed again.
"Shishwam, lemme get your helmet." Xisuma nods, tilting his head up so Keralis can unlatch it and bring it off. His head rolls onto his shoulder the moment it's gone. Keralis giggles, ruffling his hair. "Come on, sleepy time." False lies him down, his helmet tucked safely in his arms. Keralis's hand slips into his. Xisuma shuts his eyes, before blinking them open again.
"Stay?" He asks, too tired to worry about being needy. He doesn't want to be alone in that darkness again.
"Of course," False replies.
"We're not going anywhere," Keralis adds. Xisuma smiles at them both, eyes slipping closed. The darkness is manageable with his friends by his side.
-
"Don't you dare wake them up," False hisses, watching as Grian and Iskall play with redstone. The morning sun is beginning to shine through the cracks in the windows. She's exhausted, having only caught a quick nap. Keralis is asleep next to Xisuma, sitting on the floor with his head resting on the bed. Tango's slid into bed beside Zedaph, holding him close to his chest. Mumbo's dead to the world across the room.
"We won't!" Grian calls, trying to figure out the game he could make out of this mechanic. Iskall has a Statues book open, an armour stand sat in front of a piston.
"You know, this would be a lot easier if the two people who have done this with armour stands were helping," Iskall points out, flicking through the pages.
"We're fine, it's part of the adventure!" Grian watches as the piston shoots the armour stand across the room. False smiles, leaning back against the bed. Some of the other hermits have been coming online with the early morning. Thankfully, they don't seem to know about everything that went down yesterday. It's best things are quiet for Xisuma whilst he rests. She's sure he’ll tell them about it. She'll make sure he does.
As the sun grows higher with the dawn, she dozes off again. Grian is yawning, him and Iskall only catching a few hours of sleep. He's still buzzing with activity. He'll crash later, easy enough.
It's to this quiet atmosphere that Xisuma wakes up. Iskall and Grian are still experimenting. Grian’s laughter rings out as the armour stand bounces in the air. The beat of the piston is monotonous, but they're nearly falling over each other at the sight. Xisuma watches with a soft smile, eyes barely opened.
"It we got one on top, do you think it would-" Grian holds his hand up, demonstrating an armour stand shaking up and down aggressively. Iskall chuckles, shaking his head.
"It's only the morning, we don't need to break physics yet."
"It's for science," Grian protests. He sounds breathless, half-delirious with his need for sleep.
"Please don't make me do work," Xisuma whispers, all too aware of the sleeping hermits around him. Grian perks up, Iskall turning to him with a grin.
"'Suma!" Iskall calls. Xisuma smiles at both of them, making no attempt to move. He's comfortable here and he doesn't want to wake his friends.
"Exy-Suma!" Grian slides across, leaving a gap from the sleeping hermits. Iskall stands by his side, resting his hand on Grian's shoulder. "How are you feeling?" Xisuma wraps his arm tighter around his helmet.
"Not the best, my friend," he answers honestly. "But I'm certainly better than before."
"Well, we'll just have to make that even better then." Grian is committed to the cause now. He's going to make Xisuma's day.
"You don't have to rush back into things," Iskall says, offering a smile. "I'm sure we can handle ourselves today."
"I don't think I'm getting out of this bed anytime soon." Xisuma looks down at Keralis, dark hair brushing Xisuma's chest plate. False is asleep slouched in the chair beside him. Even without being able to see the other occupants of the room, he can still tell they're sleeping. "Feels a bit weird not going for a jog at this time, though."
"I'm sure your legs won't wither away after one morning, X," Iskall jokes. "Be lazy like the rest of us." Grian grins.
"We could always play some mini-games later, too!" Xisuma laughs, stretching as much as he can without shifting Keralis. He's beginning to regret sleeping in his armour, but it's too late now.
The three chat with each other, Xisuma offering advice now he's awake. They're gradually building up a system to launch the armour stand across the room. Sure, they'll have to clean it all up later, but it passes the time and it makes them laugh. Hearing Xisuma laughing is good for all three of them, despite the roughness reminding them of last night's ordeal. It's safe to say that nobody envies Xisuma's experience.
The three jump at a strange, shrill noise, until the realisation kicks in. Zed is sitting up, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Hair is falling into his face, ruffled from sleep. Tango remains slumped against him. He even rolls into the warmth Zedaph leaves behind. It takes a few seconds until the hybrid notices his audience. Zedaph jumps, smiling sheepishly.
"Oh, hi, sorry! Forgot I wasn't alone." His eyes are glowing brightly in the morning light. He looks down at the arm lazily clinging to his waist. "This oaf is used to it."
"No, no, you're okay," Xisuma tells him. False is stirring beside him, blinking to life, but Keralis remains out. "How are you feeling?" Zedaph taps his chin, resting his finger on his lip.
"Pretty well-rested, actually." Then his attention turns to Xisuma. "What about you? I should be asking you that question!" Xisuma laughs, flexing his fingers against his helmet.
"I'm okay. Taking it easy." He tilts his head towards Grian and Iskall. "Whether I like it or not, it seems."
"Too right," False agrees, yawning. "T'others can handle admin duties for today. You're ours."
"Is that a threat?"
"We can make it one!" Iskall tells him, his voice a lot more cheerful than the implication of his words. "We just need a good leash-"
"Oh absolutely not! Don't you dare!" Keralis pokes his head up next to him, trying to tune into the conversation. Zedaph laughs from across the room. He's tugging a bleary Tango to rest on his shoulder so he can wrap the blanket around them both.
"Oh come on, X, it'll be fun!" Grian wraps his arms around Iskall's shoulders. Xisuma shakes his head.
"You two are terrible. Absolutely terrible. Goodness me."
"I'm sure X will agree to take a day off willingly," False says, sounding far too threatening as she rubs sleep from her eyes.
"I already agreed. No leash required!"
"Why are we talking about leashes?" Keralis finally asks, looking more confused than anything. They break down into laughter.
-
[Grian] hello everyone
[iskall85] HALLO!
[iskall85] we are stealing your admin for the day!
[Grian] yeah he's ours.
[falsesymmetry] x had a rough night so he's having a day off
[falsesymmetry] so if any admins besides tango, x and i could step up please?
[cubfan135] yeah I'm on it.
[joehillssays] of course, and send our well wishes to our dear admin!
[Xisuma] your dear admin thanks you :-)
[Xisuma] please try not to break anything
[Etho] have a fun day lol
[joehillssays] don't make us lock you out of your screens, x!
[Keralis1] Nothing will get past us.
[iskall85] he's been suitably threatened.
[Renthedog] Should uh... We be concerned?
[Grian] about x-i-sooma finally getting a break?
[falsesymmetry] he's in safe hands. promise.
-
"Should we get this day started?" Tango asks. Grian is about to answer, only to yawn. He covers his mouth, face turning red.
"Another hour of sleep first?" False suggests. They look around the room, everyone in varying states of awareness.
"It never hurt anyone." Iskall shoves Mumbo over, fitting into bed beside him. "See y'all in an hour." Keralis smiles at Xisuma. He bumps their heads together.
"You deserve a break without being traumatised first, you know that Shishwamy?" He checks. Xisuma laughs, pressing their foreheads together.
"Yeah, I know." He leans back. "And I think I've got some good friends to remind me." False pats his back, getting comfortable enough to doze off again.
"And don't you forget it." Xisuma looks around the room. The architechs are fighting over the bed, Tango and Zedaph curled back up on theirs. He smiles, the fear from last night already on its way to being a distant memory.
"Don't think I can."
231 notes · View notes
quokkacore · 4 years
Text
mojave, mo’problems (m)
summary: throughout your life, you’d been told that a life of crime was the loneliest of all. now, however, your boyfriends, johnny and jaehyun, a pair of bank robbers, and you, their getaway driver, beg to differ.
pairing: seo johnny x jeong jaehyun x fem reader
genre: SMUT, fluff, minor angst, found family, criminals!au
warnings: poly relationship, language, guns, mentions of cops (acab!!!), armed robbery, mentioned physical, mental and emotional abuse, reader, johnny and jaehyun are from broken homes, mentioned alcohol abuse, overuse of pet names :’), unprotected sex (dont be silly wrap ur willy!!), JAEHYUN HAS NIPPLE PIERCINGS, minor daddy kink? its used like,, once, dirty talk, threesome, boyxboy, soft dom johnny switch jaehyun, sub reader, hair pulling, slight overstimulation, orgasm denial, spitroasting, praise kink, size kink, mentions of double penetration, blowjobs, cunnilingus, general filth
song recs: stevie nicks & don henley - leather & lace ♡ nct 127 - fly away with me ♡ lana del rey - national anthem ♡ triple h - retro future
word count: 9.4k
a/n: this was originally uploaded to my old writing blog on july 22nd, 2020. there were a few things in the original a/n that i wanted to keep. one, due to how multicultural los angeles is, i imagine the reader being latina or bipoc, but i make no mention of skin color!! two, i blame the w korea johnjae photoshoot for this. the room they were shooting in and the hawaiian shirts totally gave me desert motel vibes. and finally, pls stay safe, wash ur hands, and pls keep urself informed on current issues with resources like this carrd. <3
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Burbank, Los Angeles, California, 12:22 PM
“You both remember the plan, right?"
"Yeah, John.”
“Oh my god, Johnny, we went over the plan seven times last night and twice on the way here. We know what to do.”
Johnny huffed, staring pointedly at you before rolling his eyes.
“…Fine. We’ll take less than fifteen minutes, okay? You know what to do, smart girl."
You looked at Johnny, who was sitting shotgun next to you, as his hand came up to touch the back of your head, gaze warm.
"Be careful,” You said, eyes moving to the rearview mirror, where you met Jaehyun’s eyes, “Both of you.”
Jaehyun nodded, his hand coming up to cover Johnny’s. “We will be. You be careful too, baby.”
You mirrored his action, nodding, and watched as they got out of the car to walk one block down to the bank. You watched them until they disappeared from sight, drumming your fingers on the steering wheel to calm your nerves. You were grateful Johnny had chosen this quiet, relatively empty street to wait on, avoiding calling attention to yourself.
Even after two years of doing this, it still made you nervous to wait for their signal to drive up to the front with your face mask on. One of the two burner phones you’d acquired a week prior was burning a hole in your pocket, the other tucked safely into Jaehyun’s.
You let out a deep breath, letting your eyes close for a moment, briefly thinking back to the first time you’d met them. You were nineteen, Jaehyun was twenty-one, and Johnny twenty-three.
Downtown, Los Angeles, California 3:48 AM
Two years ago, you had been working a shitty job at an old 50s style diner in the more dangerous side of LA to scrounge up enough money to run away from a less-than-ideal home life. The only noise of the diner, coming from the old jukebox in the corner crooning out some old Stevie Nicks song, was broken up by two tall, handsome men entering and sitting at a booth from across each other. You were immediately wary of them. They were obviously trying not to draw attention to themselves, but it was a bit difficult with their statures and hunched backs, leaning close to each other and whispering in rushed tones.
Still, after gathering your pen and notepad, and grabbing a pair of menus, you approached the table, doing your best to put on a customer service smile despite your feet aching and head pounding from your exhaustion.
“Welcome to Ernie’s. Can I get you boys anything?” You asked quietly, setting down the menus on the table. The two men exchanged glances, before the taller one spoke.
“For now, two black coffees would be great—”
“Actually, can I get a burger with some fries?”
Your eyes darted to the shorter one, who was sporting a small, friendly smile as he fiddled with the menu.
You nodded, pulling out the notepad to write down the order. “Do you still want both coffees, or…?”
“Uhh, sure. Why not, we could use the caffeine.” He chuckled softly, and your smile got bigger at the pleasant noise. Even through the early morning hour daze, you could pick up on his charm from miles away.
“Sure thing, I can bring you guys the coffee right now, but your burger and fries might take a little bit. Anything else I can get you?”
The taller man on your left gazed up at you with wide brown eyes rimmed with dark circles underneath, totally devoid of any emotion. “We’re good, thanks.”
As you approached the kitchen window to hand the cook the order, you were able to pick up on a few not so subtle murmurs.
“Why are you in such a good mood, Jaehyun? It’s three in the morning, Yuta bailed on us and the shipment is coming in four days and we don’t even have half of a plan.”
Pouring the coffee as quietly as you could, you strained your ears to listen. Maybe if you hadn’t been so exhausted, you wouldn’t have eavesdropped, but you’d been working since 10 PM. Your head hurt, your feet ached, and you were in the mood for some entertainment, and now your curiosity had been piqued.
“Babe, calm down. I told you I have another guy who could work as our getaway driver—”
“I wouldn’t get into another car with Yangyang behind the wheel if I were covered in full fucking body armor. And I’m sure as hell not letting him be our getaway driver!” As you set the old white mugs on your serving tray, your breath hitched at his agitated whisper.
Getaway driver?
“We’re robbing a bank for Christ’s sake, Jae, not playing bumper cars.”
As you turned to face the two from behind the counter, they immediately tensed. You pretended not to have heard anything, flashing them an innocent smile as you cautiously set the mugs down on the table.
“You’re lucky I made a new pot a half hour ago! Not too hot, but not super cold either.”
The man on the right, who you now knew was named Jaehyun, had tried his best to put on his first smile, but it wasn’t working too well. It looked slightly too forced, too tight-lipped to be believable. “Thank you…” He said through somewhat gritted teeth, briefly glancing at your nametag, “…Y/N.”
“You’re very welcome,” You replied, tempted to know what would happen if you added on his name since you’d only heard it while eavesdropping, but quickly decided against it.
“If you need anything else, don’t be afraid to let me know.”
You quickly headed back to the counter, pretending to mind your business as you wiped down the counter. They murmured to each other about needing a fast driver, and the taller, stricter man, who you soon learned was named Johnny, was grumbling about needing someone able to drive as fast as this Yuta guy or even faster.
You remained silent, but all too pensive over the tempting ideas popping into your head upon hearing about their predicament.
All too soon, Jaehyun’s food was ready, and you brought it over, an innocent smile plastered once more over your face as you set it down, but said nothing when you straightened yourself. Unmoving, you met Jaehyun’s eyes. His dark eyes looked slightly alarmed, gaze darting between yours and Johnny’s.
“You know,” You hummed, after taking a deep breath, “For two people planning a crime, you’re both incredibly stupid. You do realize I heard basically everything, right?”
The two men stiffened again, momentarily panicking as they locked eyes, but that quickly melted into confusion when you giggled at their reactions.
“That being said, you’re also both incredibly lucky that Doug, the cook, is a ‘Nam veteran who can’t hear out of his left ear, and that I am a very fast driver who is in desperate need of some good cash.”
Johnny’s eyes were unreadable. “You. A waitress. A fast driver.” His teeth were gritted, and his tone agitated.
“I hate to toot my own horn,” You sighed sarcastically, unsure where your sudden confidence was coming from, “But I know what I’m talking about. I grew up around cars. Both of my parents are mechanics. I practically grew up in their garage. I have some older cousins who drag race on the weekends and taught me how to. I drove my first car when I was like, twelve.”
“What if we say no?” Jaehyun asked, eyes now void of any friendliness, “What then?”
You held up your phone, which had been hiding in your apron pocket, 911 already dialed. You saw Johnny swallow when he saw the numbers, Adam’s apple bobbing as he did so. You felt a surge of power rush to your head, having caught the scarier of the two men now looking like a deer in headlights.
“All I need to do is call. I’m sure the cops would be thrilled to take a look at all the weapons you say you have in your trunk. I want in. You either do this with me or not at all, assholes.”
The two stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. They seemed to be having an entire conversation with just their eyes. You tried your best to hide the shaking in your knees and the tremble in your fingers, to ignore the fact that this could easily backfire. If they were considering robbing a bank, they were automatically dangerous. One of them could easily have a gun with them here, and they could very easily pull it out and use it to hurt you or Doug.
Finally, Johnny sighed. He didn’t look very happy, but there was a glint in Jaehyun’s eyes that gave you catharsis.
“Alright, sweetheart,” Johnny said in a cold voice, “Let’s talk business.”
Everything had spiraled from there. You took them for a drive around the city to show them just how fast you could be, they opened themselves up to you being their third musketeer. The first time you robbed a bank, they were there to comfort you after you panicked at the idea of living on the run.
Eventually, you found out about their relationship as lovers, and they found out why you were so willing to drop everything and run away with two strangers, among other things. The story of how you drove your first car at twelve because your alcoholic parents were too wasted to drive to the grocery store, how you were cautious to hide the scars of cigarette burns along your inner forearm. After that, they opened up to you as well.
Why Jaehyun ran away from a promising life studying pre-med at an Ivy League University where expectations were eternally piled onto his shoulders, like Atlas holding up the sky. Why Johnny left suburban Chicago behind for LA at sixteen, tired of the monotony of a normal life where everything in his life had to look perfect, everywhere except behind the curtains of his house because his parents couldn’t stand him being attracted to both women and men, since it wasn’t befitting of the perfect family they so desired to be.
Somewhere along the lines, your strange business relationship of robbing banks and splitting the money equally three ways blossomed into something just as strange, but even better, something you’d never expected. You found yourself falling in love with the both of them, growing into the loving family you’d always wanted but of which you’d always been deprived. They both became fiercely protective of you, and after months of them calling you love, baby, sweetheart, princess, they finally asked you to become a permanent part of their relationship, and you accepted.
You expected so many things to happen in your life, but never to fall in love like this. And it was better than anything you could have asked for. They kept you safe and reminded you that you were worthy of love, something you hadn’t felt growing up.
The sudden vibrating of the burner in your pocket snapped you out of your reverie, and you quickly pulled on the black ski mask over your face before you started the car, not hesitating to speed towards the bank. You could hear police cars in the distance, and you took a deep breath as you rolled up to the front door, where the boys were currently exiting, bags full and guns out.
Your chest swelled with a strange sense of pride as they bolted into the car, shouting at you to drive.
Outrunning the police was a challenge, as always, but you were always faster, despite the fact that the boys had to keep telling you to wiggle your fingers since they were so stiff on the wheel and the last thing you needed was for your hands to cramp up now. Sure, you damaged the car a bit, but you could care less. This wasn’t actually your car. This was the car you’d hotwired almost a week ago, the real getaway car was hiding in a rather empty parking building, which you managed to enter and exit without much difficulty, now riding in a blue station wagon rather than the red Pontiac you’d driven to the bank. You all pulled off your masks, Jaehyun laying down to hide himself from the view of the window behind you.
Soon enough, you were out of Los Angeles, driving east towards the state line, and Jaehyun settled into the back seat. You drove for hours, the mood in the car finally having settled into an excited one a few minutes after leaving LA.
“How much did you guys manage to pull out of them?” You asked with a grin, and Johnny and Jaehyun shared a look, something that they always did.
“Baby girl, we managed to get 900,000 dollars from ‘em, we got ‘em good.” God, if you weren’t driving, you would have kissed Johnny then and there. Instead, you shrieked, “Nine hundred thousand!? That’s the biggest amount we’ve pulled yet!”
Jaehyun leaned forward, resting his chin on the front seat as Johnny looked back at him, pressing a soft kiss to the younger’s lips. “We’re celebrating big time, tonight,” Johnny declared once he pulled away from Jaehyun’s lips, much to Jaehyun’s dismay.
“How much longer till we get there?” Jaehyun asked, deep voice rumbling with satisfaction, mostly undeterred from Johnny’s teasing.
You glanced at the clock built into the dashboard, green lights blinking 4:18 PM. “I could get us there in two hours, but I don’t wanna draw attention by speeding. I’d much rather get to the motel at around eight.”
“Take your time, baby girl,” Jaehyun told you, leaning over even further to press a warm kiss to your temple, and your fingers stiffened on the wheel once more, “Whatever you feel works best.”
“Not too long, though,” Johnny added, “I don’t wanna piss myself before we get there.”
Both you and Jaehyun processed what he said, and immediately burst out laughing afterwards.
Yeah, these were the idiots you fell in love with.
The desert seemed endless, nothing in sight for miles but arid dirt and plants along the road. Somewhere along the road, as the sun began to set in the distance, Jaehyun pulled out his real phone from one of his suitcases in the back of the car, playing soft rock for the three of you to listen to as day turned to night, and the lampposts on the side of the road turned on.
There were far and few towns in between the vast expanse of desert, and because of that the stars shone bright in the limitless sky. When you saw the first flash of the moon up above, a song Jaehyun had put on had just ended, and a familiar Stevie Nicks song started playing afterwards. You smiled to yourself, humming along to the soft, tinkling melody.
Lovers forever, face to face                         
My city, your mountains
Stay with me, stay
I need you to love me
I need you today
Give to me, your leather
Take from me, my lace…
Eventually, after an eternity, you passed the sign you’d been so looking forward to seeing.
Welcome to Verona, Nevada
Population: 1,239
The motel wasn’t that hard to find, as it was just off of the highway. Johnny signed in in under 10 minutes, and you settled into the room on the second floor as quickly as you were allowed. The room smelled like mothballs and the carpet looked like it had once been a deep forest green, but was now a dark brown.
Yes, it was disgusting, but this was necessary to lay low for a while. Posing as three friends on a road trip crashing in a dingy motel for the night was generally the ploy. Next morning you would be out on the road again, driving further away from LA, then after a few days, you would finally return back to your shared apartment.
The three of you carried in the suitcases where the bags had been hidden in, and while you were stretching your legs and Jaehyun was showering, Johnny ordered three large pizzas using the phone on the nightstand.  
You lay down on the large, lumpy mattress a few minutes later, grabbing the remote and turning on the small, ancient TV across the room. The bed was lower than what the average bed was for some reason, and you suspected that the frame had broken at some point, and that the motel either didn’t know or didn’t care.
Regardless of how the mattress felt, your eyes started to droop despite flicking through the channels. You could feel your mind start to relax as you let go of your driver mindset, releasing pent up tension and alertness. Johnny turned to face the TV, sparing you a glance with his eyebrows raised.
“The news?”
“You know it, big boy."
He stalked over to where you were and plopped himself down to sit next to you, not hesitating to pull you into his lap. You smiled as he wrapped his hands around your waist, large hands spanning across your skin easily. The TV, now stuck on a channel showing some melodramatic Mexican telenovela, seemed to fade into the background.
"You did so well, today, baby,” He murmured, pressing a kiss to your shoulder, “We all did really good.”
You smiled softly at his gentleness, hands meeting his on your waist, before turning your head enough to meet his gaze, nose brushing against his. His big, brown eyes were hooded, whether from tiredness or admiration of your features, you weren’t sure, but you gave it no further thought once he pressed his lips to yours.
His lips were slightly chapped, and you made a mental note to nag him later to drink more water. One of his hands came to brush some hair out of your face, and you became hyper-aware of each of his movements.
“Hmm, Johnny…"
"Shh, baby girl, let me kiss you a little bit more.”
When his lips came back to yours, his movements became more aggressive, pushing his tongue into your mouth as his grip on your waist tightened. Your breath hitched as you sucked on his tongue, whining softly against his mouth.
“Fuck,” you heard Jaehyun groan from the other side of the room, and Johnny pulled away before you could protest. Your eyes cracked open, hooded eyes finding Jaehyun bathed in warm light from the bathroom. His hair was still kind of damp and he hadn’t bothered buttoning his shirt up.
“Hey, gorgeous,” Johnny greeted, and you bit your lip at the teasing lilt in his tone, “Care to join us?"
"I was gonna wait until after dinner,” Jaehyun said, setting his towel on one of the chairs in the room, “But if you insist…”
“Jae,” You called, voice soft, “Come here, pretty boy.”
Jaehyun smiled as he approached you, standing right in front of you and Johnny, who had now started pressing kisses against your neck. “You want a kiss, princess?”
You nodded as best you could with Johnny sucking on your neck, pouting up at Jaehyun, who in return leaned down and grasped your face before pulling you into a kiss. He tasted like the watermelon bubblegum he always carried around in his pocket. One of your hands came up to comb through his wet, brown hair, nails scratching against his scalp, and he groaned quietly against your lips.
“You’re both so hot,” Johnny murmured against your ear, and you whined at his deep voice, both you and Jaehyun pulling away to look at him, the two of you evidently affected by what he was saying.
To say Johnny was the leader of your relationship was a bit of an understatement. Johnny was the mastermind behind most of your heists, and commanded a presence over both you and Jaehyun, wherever you were. Where Johnny went, you and Jaehyun followed with few objections, trailing behind him like ducklings. Johnny, in return, accepted his more dominant role easily, and did his best to take care of you both.
Sometimes, you wondered if your upbringings influenced the dynamics of your relationship. Maybe Johnny was  eager to dominate the both of you because he was raised under strict, controlling parents dictating his every move and treating him as their little puppet. Jaehyun submitting to Johnny, but not to you, out of the need to please as a kid who had been emotionally neglected but forced to live up to his family’s expectations. And you, submitting to both of them because you were forced to take care of yourself and your parents from a young age when it should have been the other way around.
The moment was broken by a knock at the door, the three of you immediately tensing up. “It’s just the pizza guy,” Jaehyun whispered in reassurance, taking a deep breath, but it didn’t do much to calm your nerves.
“Jae,” Johnny said, nodding toward him, looking alert, “Look through the peephole first. Wait for me.”
Jaehyun nodded, standing slowly. You were taking deep breaths in an attempt to keep yourself calm, but the possibilities of it being anyone but the pizza guy were causing your heart to beat into overdrive. LA police. Nevada police. State troopers. The FBI. Those weird Hungarian guys Jaehyun pissed off a few months ago. Suddenly it was all of them, waiting to burst into the room and take your family away from you.  
Johnny set you down on the bed, flashing you a soft look before pulling the back of his button up to reveal a gun hiding in the waistband of his pants, putting a hand on the grip, just in case. You stood, watching as Jaehyun slowly approached the door to look through the peephole, his eyes dark and eyebrows furrowed, heart pounding in your chest. He shut one eye, looking through the small hole in the door, before allowing his shoulders to slump a moment later, and giving you both a thumbs up.
Coast clear.
You sighed in relief, sitting back down on the bed as Jaehyun stepped away from the door. Johnny handed Jaehyun his gun, pulling out his wallet from the pocket of his pants, and swung open the door, beginning a casual discussion with the delivery man as he pulled some money out of his wallet, before grabbing the pizzas and telling the guy to keep the change.
He closed the door, waiting a few seconds before sighing in relief as well and slumping against it.
“Jesus fuck, that’s one way to kill a boner,” He muttered, looking up as Jaehyun set down the gun on the nightstand.
“Y/N, you should have seen your face,” The younger man said while he stifled a laugh, coming closer to wrap his arms around you, and you huffed.
“Fuck off,” You told him, rejecting his embrace, and pouted, “I was genuinely about to piss myself.”
Jaehyun laughed again, and you retaliated by punching him in the arm, but not too hard, but he still grabbed your hand and pulled you towards Johnny, who had since set the pizzas down on the desk and locked the door again. He opened a box and grabbed a slice, and your spat with Jaehyun was forgotten, especially after having been on the road for over eight hours without stopping to eat.
Jaehyun grabbed another slice, eagerly taking a large bite before his eyes turned to the TV, which was still playing the Mexican telenovela. He raised an eyebrow after a few moments.
“Why are we watching Pasión de Gavilanes?” He asked, reading the name of the show as it cut to a commercial break.
“I was looking for the news,” You replied, giving Johnny a sideways glance, “But someone had other ideas.”
Johnny shrugged, already on his second slice of pizza. “You didn’t seem to mind,” He said after swallowing his food, eyes alight with mischief. You rolled your eyes, but didn’t deny him, and watched as he walked back to the bed, where the remote lay abandoned. He began switching through the channels until he finally stumbled upon the nine o’clock news report on a random channel, and the three of you quietly made your way towards the bed, all three of you waiting for the exact same thing.
And when it came, it was amazing. You were the main story, the breaking news of the armed robbery that had occurred in one of the safest parts of the city.
The three of you huddled together, occasionally getting up to pick up more slices of pizza, all relishing in having your egos stroked as the reporters all went over the details of the heist, how, when the police searched the getaway car (which had been mysteriously abandoned), no trace of any of the thieves were found, that any and all fingerprints didn’t match with any already registered in the LAPD’s database.
“The FBI has already involved itself in the investigation, believing this is the work of the same perpetrators as the Municipal Bank of Santa Monica six months ago, where two assailants…” The female reporter faded into the background, and you nodded to yourself, finishing your pizza happily. You peeked over at Jaehyun, who had a smug look on his face, satisfaction evident. You looked back to the TV as the scene changed, ignoring Johnny as he shifted next to you.
“We have no way  to identify the perpetrators,” A representative for the FBI explained, “All we know is that the suspects are two males, both taller than six feet, and a female of unknown stature. All are believed to be between early and mid 20s.”
You zoned out for the rest of the report, content at both the fullness in your stomach and the lack of evidence the police had against you, before feeling Johnny shift next to you again. You furrowed your eyebrows, turning your head to look at him, only to raise your eyebrows as you realized what was going on.
Your eyes looked down to Johnny’s hand, which had drifted to between Jaehyun’s legs. Jaehyun was slumped against Johnny’s side, panting quietly as Johnny’s hand groped him roughly. Johnny’s gaze met yours, dark eyes twinkling.
“And to think he told us off for not being able to wait,” He murmured, and Jaehyun hummed at the deep roll of his voice. “Come on, princess. Help me make him feel good.”
You nodded, knowing better than to disobey Johnny when he got like this. You lowered yourself to your knees, crawling towards Jaehyun. Johnny moved again, this time sitting behind Jaehyun so he could begin to unbutton Jaehyun’s shirt. You placed yourself in between Jaehyun’s legs, hands coming up to touch the tent in his white shorts.
“I’ve been wanting to do this all night,” You sighed, reaching to unzip his pants. Jaehyun looked down at you, face flushed, but eyes still burning with lust. “That desperate, baby?”
“For you two, always,” You answered quietly, pulling his pants down as he wiggled his hips. Johnny slid the button up down the younger man’s arms, leaving Jaehyun in black boxers. You glanced at Johnny, who was kissing the back of Jaehyun’s neck, big hands sliding up and down Jaehyun’s toned torso, purposely avoiding the metal studs embedded in Jaehyun’s nipples, something you knew Jaehyun loved for Johnny to play with. You bit your lip, not missing  the fact that Johnny was rocking his hips steadily against Jaehyun’s.
You eyed the bulge in Jaehyun’s boxers hungrily, feeling your core heat up at the thought of what was to come, before pulling down the garment and freeing Jaehyun’s dick. He hummed at the feeling, and you didn’t hesitate to wrap a hand around it.
Jaehyun’s head fell back, breath hitching as you pressed a kiss to his tip, and Johnny chose that moment to tug on the piercings. “Fuck, John,” He muttered, eyes squeezing shut.
“Don’t be mean, pretty boy,” Johnny cooed, fingers flicking the nubs incessantly, “Y/N’s helping you out too, don’t ignore her.”
“Y-Y/N—Shit, baby, nngh…”
You smiled at his whine, before taking his tip into your mouth, Jaehyun’s hips instinctually moving to thrust into your mouth. Your hand moved to stroke what you couldn’t fit into your mouth, listening to Johnny whisper filth into Jaehyun’s ear, not letting up his fingers, despite Jaehyun’s squirming.
His pretty face was flushed, letting out soft moans as Johnny tugged on the metal and pressed open mouthed kisses against his neck. You closed your eyes, focusing on hollowing your cheeks and making him feel good. He hissed when he hit the back of your throat, and your eyes opened as you forced yourself not to gag. Drool was pooling in your mouth, threatening to spill down your chin.
“She’s so pretty like this, John…” Jaehyun’s voice sounded breathless as his hands wound into your hair, keeping it out of your face. Your eyes screwed shut, whining quietly at his praise.
"She’s fucking gorgeous when she’s sucking cock,” Johnny growled against Jaehyun’s neck, voice guttural and dangerous, “And she loves it. Isn’t that right, princess?”
Jaehyun’s hand tightened against your scalp, trying to pull you off of his cock. “Give him an answer, baby girl.”
You pulled away from him, hand still gripping his shaft, still pumping slowly. You gasped for air, and the spit that had been gathering in your mouth spilled onto your chin, and they both groaned in unison at the sight. “I love it, John,” You murmured, meeting his dark stare. “Baby, you’re both so big, you both stretch me out so good.”
Jaehyun groaned again, and Johnny hummed, pressing a kiss to Jaehyun’s temple before he stood from the bed. He pulled you up on top of the bed with them, pulling you into his lap. You wrapped your legs around his waist, smiling to yourself as you felt something hard poking at your core. “Jae,” Johnny hummed, and Jaehyun shuffled over to meet you both.
“Spit in her mouth,” Johnny ordered quietly, and you whimpered in delight. Jaehyun looked at you with mischief in his eyes, before grabbing your chin. Your mouth fell open without need for an order, and he pressed his nose against yours. Then he opened his mouth, and you moaned when his spit fell onto your tongue.
“Don’t swallow yet, princess.” Johnny’s voice was deep, dark, and you knew he was thoroughly enjoying watching the both of you. You kept your mouth open, as one of his hands came to hold the back of your neck, drawing him closer to you. He pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth, before opening his mouth and spitting in yours as well.
His eyes never left yours the entire time, nearly black with desire. His face was flushed, and the hand on your neck was hot.
“Swallow,” He growled against your mouth, and you couldn’t bring yourself to disobey. When you opened your mouth to show him how good you were being, he groaned and pressed his lips against yours in a bruising kiss. Your hands busied themselves unbuttoning his shirt, while his hands groped your ass, forcing you to grind against him. You moaned his name, and his tongue found itself into your mouth, taking the lead of the wet, messy kiss.
Your mind was quickly hazing up at the feeling of Johnny’s clothed cock rubbing against you through your denim shorts, but you still picked up on the sounds of skin against skin and panting coming from your left. You pulled away from Johnny’s lips to look towards Jaehyun. Johnny took this chance to tug your shirt off, leaving you in a plain purple bra. Your breath caught in your throat when your eyes fell to Jaehyun’s hands, Johnny’s lips trailing down to the skin of your collarbones.
Jaehyun had one hand stroking himself at a steady pace, the other wrapped around the base of his cock, as if he were trying to stave off an incoming orgasm. He was watching the both of you with eyes darker than the Mojave desert in the middle of the night.
“Jae,” You whined, breathless against Johnny’s frame, “C’mere and kiss me, baby.”
“Yeah?” Jae answered, just as breathless as you, quirking an eyebrow up, “You want me, needy baby?”
You nodded in response, one hand reaching out to him. He leaned forward again, and your eyes fluttered shut as his lips landed against yours.
Jaehyun’s kisses were so different from Johnny’s. Jaehyun was gentler, but he didn’t need to tease you by letting you dominate the kiss and then taking over. No, Jaehyun dominated the kiss from the beginning, plump lips sliding against yours, hands leaving his cock to caress your sides, brushing over Johnny’s hands very briefly. Then, they moved to your back, unclipping your bra and discarding it somewhere on the bed.
He pulled away from your lips, and Johnny, who had been sucking a purple mark into your shoulder, did the same. You noted that all of your chests were heaving. Johnny’s hands were still moving your hips against his, and the pleasure left your mind reeling.
“You close, princess?” Jaehyun asked, and you shook your head. “N-not yet, but… s-soon.”
“Look at how pretty our baby girl is, Jaehyun,” Johnny murmured,  dark eyes glittering in adoration as he watched your hips speed up of their own accord, rutting against him like a mindless animal. Jaehyun hummed in agreement, leaning his head against Johnny’s shoulder. Your head tipped back, unable to handle both of them looking at you, looking through you, as you fell apart on Johnny’s lap.
“You’re so perfect, Y/N. So good for us, baby girl.”
By now, the fabric of your shorts and your panties against your core were starting to feel uncomfortable, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You were so lost in hazy pleasure, head swimming with nothing but thoughts of your two lovers. Your hands linked around Johnny’s neck, trying to find something to tether yourself to the mortal world, because you were certain that if you didn’t, you would float off into space, never to be seen again.
“Ah, f-fuck,” You said, “L-love you both so much…”
Jaehyun’s hand caressed your neck, before coming to caress your cheek. He moved your head as well, forcing you to meet his eyes. His eyes were warm, clouded with desire. Your gaze flickered between his face and Johnny’s, and you whined again. They were watching you wordlessly, in a way that made you feel safe, loved, needed, and even though it’d been about a year and a half since they started looking at you like that, it never failed to make your head spin in love and arousal.  
Johnny let loose a lazy smile at your words, hips bucking against your own. “We love you too, princess. You’re so sweet, do you wanna come soon?”
You nodded desperately, opening your mouth to answer but moaning instead when Johnny pressed you down even more against his cock. They both laughed at your noise, and you just had to laugh along with them.
The laughter died down a few moments later, and you felt yourself dangling over the edge. You just needed one little push, and a little push is what you got when Jaehyun turned his face to Johnny, and the older man met him for a kiss. Johnny growled against Jaehyun’s lips, biting down on his lower lip, and Jaehyun’s hand ran through Johnny’s hair, now sweaty and damp.
The sight of your lovers making out in front of you tipped you over the edge. Your eyes screwing shut, their names and profanities spilling from your mouth, moaning as the pleasure started in your hands and feet, before spreading up your arms and legs and taking over your body. Your hips didn’t stop moving, seemingly having a mind of your own, trying to draw out your orgasm as you clenched around nothing. All too soon, the sensation washed away, leaving you pliant and breathless in Johnny’s arms.
Your eyes opened to find that they hadn’t exactly broken away. They’d stopped kissing to pay attention to you, but they were still close enough for each other’s lips to remain against their own. When they finally separated, a small trail of spit connected their lower lips.
“That was so hot,” Johnny groaned, pressing your head against his chest, which was now bare, somehow. Jaehyun must have slipped off his shirt at some point without you noticing, you concluded in your frazzled state of mind. You closed your eyes as you allowed your breathing to return to normal, vaguely aware of your boys kissing each other a bit more.
“How are you doing, princess?” Jaehyun said once you had calmed down, no longer panting. His hand was caressing your side up and down, almost as if he was comforting you. You straightened your posture to look up at him and Johnny, giving them a soft, sleepy smile. Johnny’s big hands squeezed your hips as he spoke. “You wanna stop, or do you wanna keep going?”
You nodded, brushing away a damp strand of hair that was in your face. “I still haven’t gotten fucked by either of you,” You mumbled, “What makes you think I’m stopping before that happens?”
The pair exchanged a dark glance, wicked smiles gracing their faces before looking back at you.
“Clothes off,” Jaehyun ordered, “Now.”
You moved off of Johnny, legs wobbling slightly, to lay down next to them. You popped the button on your shorts and pulled down the zipper, watching as Jaehyun undressed Johnny, doing the same with his shorts as he kissed down the older man’s neck. You were left in now ruined cotton panties, the drenched fabric clinging to your folds in an awkward way. Your eyes turned to the pair in front of you as Jaehyun pulled down Johnny’s boxers, leaving him naked as well. They faced you, and Johnny grabbed you by the ankle, dragging you towards them with a soft smile on his face. You laughed quietly, the noise dying when Jaehyun grabbed your other leg as well and parted them, before lying in between them, face inches away from your core.
“John, baby,” He said, craning his neck to stare at him, “Can I…?”
“Go ahead, pretty boy,” Johnny replied, as he lay next to you, “Y/N made you feel good earlier, and we need to get her ready for us, right? You can return the favor, can’t you?”
Jaehyun nodded, and Johnny raised an eyebrow as he moved to lie next to you. “Words, baby boy.”
Jaehyun gulped, hands resting on your hips. “Yes, John.”
His hands reached for your panties, his eyes meeting yours as he pressed a kiss to your thigh. Your hand brushed some sandy brown hair out of his eyes, and you hummed as you watched him pull down the last piece of clothing, discarding it. “Jae,” You mumbled, “You’re so pretty, baby.”
Jaehyun smiled, the tips of his ears turning red. It had taken you a few weeks for you to put it together when you started dating, but you eventually figured out that Jaehyun loved getting praised. Anytime you or Johnny said something about how good or handsome he was, how nice he made either of you feel, he’d turn to putty in your hands.
He grabbed your thighs, pulling them over his shoulders, his face close to where you needed him most but did nothing. He was riling you up, you knew he was. He loved to do this, loved to wait how long he could wait before making you beg. “Babe,” You murmured, “Jae, please don’t tease me.”
His eyes twinkled with something you couldn’t read as he pressed another kiss to your thigh, big, rough hands gripping your hips possessively. “You beg so nicely, princess. How could I refuse?”
He lowered his mouth to your hole, and your eyes squeezed shut, hissing out at the sensitivity. Johnny pressed a kiss to your forehead. The hand that wasn’t tugging on Jaehyun’s hair shot out to grasp Johnny’s forearm. Johnny responded by grabbing your hand and guiding it to his cock, and you obeyed his silent command by wrapping your hand around him, pumping him slowly.
You could hear his breathing right next to your ear, combined with the wet sounds Jaehyun was making as he mouthed along your slit. You weren’t sure what to focus on, letting out a high keen as Jaehyun slid a finger inside of you, his mouth coming up to suckle on your clit.
“Ah, Jaehyun, baby,” You whined, hips trying to move, but being stopped by Jaehyun’s other hand, “F-feels so good.”
Jaehyun hummed against your clit, the vibration causing you to squirm even further, crying out his name. Already you could feel the familiar sensation in your lower stomach again, forcing you to focus on Jaehyun’s mouth, alternating between sucking your clit and flicking it with the tip of your tongue.
“You like how he’s making you feel, baby girl?” Johnny asked a few moments later, and you nodded as he pressed his forehead against your temple to whisper into your ear. “You like the way he’s being a good boy and eating your pussy like he’s starving?”
You nodded again, whining even louder when Jaehyun added a second finger. Johnny’s hand rose to your breast, teasing your nipple as your head fell back, hand falling into a sloppy rhythm against Johnny’s cock. He pinched harshly, and you tried to move away from his grip, but he wouldn’t let you. “Neither of you seem to want to use your words today, huh? Come on, princess, tell Jaehyun how much you like it.”
You opened your mouth, trying to speak, but shrieking when Jaehyun’s fingers began to thrust into you at a rapid pace. Your hips were bucking wildly against Jaehyun’s mouth and fingers now, despite his best efforts to hold you down.
“J-Jae, fuck, fuck, fuck… Ah, your fingers are s-so big… They’re fucking me so good, I-I’m so sensitive, I don’t think I can h-hold on much longer…”
“Aw, already?” Jaehyun teased from between your legs, fingers not letting up as he slowed down their pace, “It’s only been a few minutes.”
“Jaehyun,” You whined, grasp tightening on his hair, “I’m gonna come, p-please…”
“No.”
Your eyes shot open to glare at Johnny, breathing heavily as Jaehyun removed his fingers from your aching core, and your hand stopped its movement against Johnny’s dick. “Why not?” You whined, and Johnny sat up, propping himself against the faded maroon headboard of the bed.
“Because you’re not cumming again until both of us have.” His tone was stern, leaving no room for argument. His gaze, however, was warm. “Now, what’s gonna happen is this: you’re gonna get on your hands and knees, and pretty boy over there is gonna fuck you from behind, and you’re gonna let me fuck your face. Can you two do that for me?”
He was giving both you and Jaehyun the chance to drop it now, disguised under the illusion of a command. But you didn’t want to stop. You rarely did when it came to your boyfriends.
“Yes, John,” You and Jaehyun answered at the same time, looking at him. Johnny grinned, patting his thighs with both hands.
“Come here, Y/N. Hands and knees, like I said.”
You crawled over to him, eyes not leaving Johnny’s face. His dark eyes followed yours, face covered with a light sheen of sweat, hair brushed back to reveal his forehead. You leaned forward when you got to the spot where he ordered you to be, pressing a kiss to his jawline. Your mouth trailed down to his neck, smiling against his skin when you heard him sigh in satisfaction.
You felt the bed shift as Jaehyun came to kneel behind you, hands trailing down your back, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Your kisses trailed down Johnny’s tan skin, past his collarbones, across his pecs, down his stomach, ghosting along his right hip. Your lips left his skin as Jaehyun gripped your hip with one hand, using his hand to grind his dick against your soaking folds.
“You want me to put it in, baby?” Jaehyun asked you, and you nodded without hesitating, your face heating at your desperation. “Yes, Jae.”
“Suck Johnny’s dick and I’ll do whatever you want, lovely girl.”
His words were accompanied by Johnny’s hands touching the back of your neck, not pushing, but still commanding a certain power over you, still compelling you to lower yourself onto his cock.
One thing you’d learned very early on from having sex with both Johnny and Jaehyun, you thought as you let your mouth relax around Johnny’s dick, was that they were both bigger than the past lays you’d had. Jaehyun was a bit longer, but Johnny was thicker. Regardless, they both had the power to leave your legs shaking, and your throat scratchy for days.
Once you’d allowed your jaw to loosen enough, you began bobbing your head up and down slowly, tonguing along the underside of the shaft. Your hands held you up, grasping Johnny’s toned thighs for support. A rush came through you as you realized that those thighs were what had made you come earlier, and that helped you push Johnny even further down your throat.
A groan bubbled out of Johnny’s throat, and Jaehyun took that as his sign to push into you. You moaned against Johnny, and his groan got louder, hands pushing you even further against Johnny’s pelvis. You held back the urge to gag, forcing yourself to focus on breathing through your nose despite the intrusion in your mouth.  
Jaehyun’s movements started slow, letting you get used to the both of them fucking into you from both ends. He let out a low hiss as you clenched around him, hips grinding against you in a way that had you seeing stars.
It was as if they were connected telepathically, something unspoken between the two of them that always confused and amused you. You felt the amusement again as they both sped up the movements of their hips at the same time, a gradual buildup from teasing, subtle grinding, to harsh bucks of the hips, fucking in and out of you as if you were their own little tool for pleasure, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
Any noises that left you were either muffled shrieks of pleasure as Jaehyun pounded away at your still sensitive pussy, or gagging noises, as Johnny’s hands forced you up and down his cock, bottoming out into your throat whenever he wanted to prolong little bursts of ecstasy. Tears were running down your face as he did so, and when he noticed, he let out a strained laugh.
“Hey, baby girl, are you crying because of my dick or Jaehyun’s?”
He pulled you off of him, and you took the chance to catch your breath before answering a few seconds later.
“B-both,” You moaned, and Jaehyun grunted in acknowledgement.
“Good,” He hummed, and you bit your lip as you fucked back against him, “Using our little girl like this feels so nice, doesn’t it, Johnny?”
“It feels fucking fantastic, pretty boy,” Johnny answered as you craned your neck to kiss along his shaft, “She’s so small, but she takes us both like a fucking champ. Maybe next time we should stuff her pussy and her ass at the same time… would you like that, angel?”
You cried out enthusiastically, stomach twisting at the suggestion. Jaehyun threw his head back, letting out a guttural groan.
“Oh, she’d love that, baby. You should’ve felt how much tighter she got when you said that.”
Johnny grinned, and lifted you off of his cock one more time.
“Hey, Y/N,” He said, lifting your chin to get you to look at him.
“H-hey, Johnny,” You whimpered, and Johnny pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth.
“Get off his dick, princess,” He told you, loud enough for Jaehyun to hear, “I’ve got an idea.”
Jaehyun stopped his movements, pulling out of you. You whined at the sudden emptiness, and Johnny patted your head to calm you before standing. Given that the bed frame was a lot lower than most beds, it allowed him to tower over both you and Jaehyun as Johnny propped the younger man up, then told you to sit in his lap, letting Jaehyun slide back inside of you.
“I wanna watch you both,” He murmured lovingly, carding a hand through Jaehyun’s hair, who hummed happily. Your mind was turning fuzzy fast, clinging to Jaehyun and pressing soft kisses to his jaw.
“Can we still touch you, Johnny?” You asked, voice small, flashing him big, pouty eyes that he could seldom refuse as he sat back down at where he once was.
Johnny nodded, his hand moving to your head and repeating the movement he’d made on Jaehyun’s head. “Of course you can, baby,” He answered, “But you’ll do it when I say so and how I tell you to do it. Is that okay?”
“Yes, Johnny.”
“Okay.”
Johnny smiled at the both of you, and slowly Jaehyun began his rhythm again, fucking in and out of you slowly, before speeding up again. Your lips trailed down to his neck, sucking on a spot you wanted to leave a mark on, and your hands came up to toy with his nipple piercings, mimicking what Johnny had been doing to him earlier.
Jaehyun groaned, eyebrows furrowing and eyes fluttering shut as you began to move with him and tug at the piercings. He turned his head to lock eyes with Johnny, who was stroking himself as he watched the two of you gradually lose control against each other’s body. The two held each other’s gaze, Jaehyun’s eyes lowering first as he pressed a kiss to your  sweaty forehead.
“John,” Jaehyun pleaded, voice deep and teasing, “Come here, daddy, I wanna jack you off.”
Johnny raised an eyebrow. You and Jaehyun only brought out daddy when you wanted to be little shits to him and tease him more than usual. Nevertheless, he relented, standing and walking around the bed. Your eyes peeled open a few moments later, finding Johnny standing to the side of you, cock being stroked by Jaehyun as he continued to roll his hips into you.
Given that the bed was lower than usual, and Johnny was freakishly tall, his dick was more or less level with your faces, and through the hazy pleasure of Jaehyun pounding away at you, you got an idea.
You leaned slightly to the side, pressing a kiss to the head of Johnny’s member, and Johnny groaned as he realized what you wanted to do. Jaehyun seemed to like the idea, his hips fucking into you even faster once he registered what was going on.
Johnny used his knees to lean against the mattress, allowing you to lean back into your original position as he tipped his head back.
“Our dirty girl,” Johnny hissed, “You want cock so bad, don’t you? Can’t handle just one fucking you, you need another one down your throat.”
Jaehyun pulled you off of him. “Give him an answer, sweetheart,” He ordered, before taking your place and taking Johnny into his mouth.
“I’m yours,” You told them, “Want you both all day, all night, ngh, always… I love you both s-so much, I can’t handle not being fucked like this ever again…”
“You belong to us now, baby. We own you, body and soul.” Johnny’s voice was slightly strained now, but his words still held the same effect. You were eager to agree, unable to say anything as Jaehyun hit the one spot inside of you that had you crying out his name.
“Fuck, Jae! Right there!”
Jaehyun pulled off of Johnny’s cock, pulling you into a bruising kiss as he continued to hit your sweet spot time and time again.
“Yeah, you’re gonna cum again soon?” Jaehyun asked when he pulled away, and you nodded, before turning to Johnny and taking him into your mouth again.
“Don’t forget, princess,” Johnny said, “You can’t cum until either of us have. Understood?”
You nodded, trying to hold off the impending wave that was soon to crash on you.
“I’m so fucking close, Johnny,” Jaehyun mumbled, and Johnny gave a garbled agreement when Jaehyun’s free hand came up to stroke along with your hand.
“Me too, baby,” Johnny groaned, “You gonna fill Y/N up? Cum inside that tight pussy of hers?”
Your legs wrapped around Jaehyun’s waist, before you pulled your mouth away from Johnny, opting to stroke him as Jaehyun took him into his mouth once more.
“Give it to me, Jae,” You begged, voice shaky.
Johnny came first with a loud, “Fuck!” He watched as you and Jaehyun took turns licking away the cum as it shot out of the tip of his dick, tongues meeting occasionally as you both mouthed along the head.
“Shit, you’re both so good to me.”
Jaehyun’s orgasm came moments later. He buried his face in your neck, wrapping his arms around your waist as his pace turned sloppy and sporadic, filling you with hot cum as he groaned out both your name and Johnny’s. You whimpered at the sensitivity of your insides as he twitched against your walls, painting them white, but you didn’t stop bouncing in his lap.
“Y-you both came,” You moaned, desperate to cum. You could see on Jaehyun’s face that he was growing sensitive as well, but his hands on your waist weren’t stopping you at all. “Please let me cum, I’ve been a good girl…”
Johnny sat behind you, letting your head roll onto his shoulder. One hand wrapped around your neck, not squeezing, but still tight enough to send a thrill down your spine. “Yeah, you’ve been really well behaved tonight, baby. You weren’t as bratty as you usually are, hmm?”
You couldn’t answer, not when his other hand reached down to tap away at your swollen clit.
“J-John, ah—”
“You wanna cum, baby girl?”
You nodded, eyes squeezing shut as your hips took on a mind of their own.
“Then cum, sweetheart.”
And somehow, his deep, warm voice triggered your orgasm.
You threw your head back, almost positive that what you were speaking in tongues rather than actually saying anything coherent. You clung onto Jaehyun with one hand, writhing in his hold, and reached back to grip Johnny’s bicep. Beneath your eyelids, colors danced around you. You were certain this was what heaven felt like, and that this was some sort of divine ascension…
Verona, Nevada, 10:06 PM
When you managed to come down, you felt groggy, and your vision felt hazy, as if you were in a dream.  The only sound came from the three of you, breathing heavily as you recovered from what had just happened. The room smelled like sex, sweat, and oddly enough, greasy pizza.
“Y/N?” Jaehyun murmured, “You still with us?"
You nodded, trying to ignore the scratchiness in your throat. "Yeah… ‘m good. Came really hard.”
Johnny chuckled from behind you, before pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “Certainly looked like it, baby.”
You smiled, eyes drooping already at the tiredness you were beginning to feel.  
You settled down between the two of them, ignoring the smell of sweat emanating from the three of you all together. Yes, you loved being like this, sandwiched between your two favorite people, but you couldn’t deny that the body heat radiating from everyone, plus slight tackiness of sweaty skin against more sweaty skin made you want to cringe. And as much as you loved the idea of Jaehyun’s cum staying inside of you, it was slowly beginning to trickle down your thigh, further contributing to your growing discomfort.
“I need to shower,” You finally mumbled, rubbing your eyes sleepily, before pouting. Looking around the motel room, you noted that it was dingy enough, you didn’t want to imagine the bathroom. “How bad is the bathroom?”
Jaehyun groaned, hand coming to rub at his forehead in disdain.
“Oh, it’s fuckin’ nasty.”
“...Shit.”
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petite-ely · 4 years
Text
Together
Pairing: JJ Maybanks x female reader
Warnings: mentions of social anxiety and other mental health issues, slight swearing and slight mention of underage drinking.
A/N: this story is mainly based upon my own experiences and struggles with anxiety and social anxiety. I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing mental illnesses. If you need help you can always talk to me or contact crisis hotlines. It gets better, I know it. (Also this is the first time I post on tumblr and I am a very anxious bby please send feedback, it would make me very happy, okay thank you.)
Summary: Reader has been suffering from social anxiety for a long time. One night, everything falls apart and she hopes nobody notices.
Word count: 1,700 ish
This represents y/n’s thought and this jj’s.
Picture found on Pinterest, all credits to rightful owner.
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It was a typical Friday night in the outer banks, the pogues had organized yet another kegger and the party was roaring. Y/n was sitting on a hard lump of wood, enjoying the music and the dancing flames of the bonfire. You could even see a soft smile drawn onto her lips. She felt good.
That changed quickly. One minute she was fine and the next she couldn’t feel anything anymore. Emptiness. It was all she could feel. Like she was nothing but a large void. It felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of her lungs, leaving her breathless and frightened.
It happened more and more lately. Small moments of disorientation where she couldn’t feel anything at all. These episodes usually happened when she was alone and didn’t last very long, but this time it was different. It felt much worse.
You’re so disgusting, and pathetic.
Not wanting anyone to see her in this state, she left silently, ashamed of herself. It’s not as though anyone would miss her anyway. She wasn’t very popular. She had friends, of course, but not that many.
There was John B, a friendly guy who everybody knew because, well he was John B.
There was also Pope, who was kind and smart, but that everyone knew because of his father Heyward’s business.
Then there was Kie, a cute hippie girl with a passion for environmental issues. Born a kook, but a pogue at heart.
And finally there was JJ, one of the best surfer in the Outer Banks. He was well known for his charm, being a pothead and his tendencies of getting into fights with kooks.
The five of them hung out almost every day and yet if you showed a photo of the group to an islander, they probably wouldn’t be able to identify y/n.
She was invisible, unseen. She was that one girl who was always with the four pogues. The one who nobody chose for projects. The one teachers never picked on. The one who no one noticed. She was nothing.
As she was sitting on the damp sand, small waves crashing onto her bare feet, tears began to roll down her cheeks. She wanted to scream, tell the whole world how she felt, but no sound came out. She couldn’t speak. Only her breathing was heard. She couldn’t move either, and yet she couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.
-
“You better reuse that plastic cup Maybank, or I’ll make you eat it,” threatened Kie, after JJ placed his empty cup on the ground.
The boy rolled his eyes and threw the red cup at his friend. “Keep it safe for me, I’m going to find y/n.”
“She was sitting by the bonfire, like five minutes ago,” said John B.
“Well not anymore,” muttered the blond when his eyes landed on the empty seat.
JJ wandered around the boneyard, looking for his friend. A bad feeling started to grow in the pit of his stomach. So after looking around the boneyard for more than half an hour, the boy became more and more worried.
Biting off the nails of his hand, he scanned the crowd once more. Y/n and him had been friends since they were little and they knew each other better than anyone else. He knew that she would never leave a party without saying goodbye.
Where could she be, he wondered, taking his hat off to run his hand through it.
A sigh of relief left his lips as he saw the small silhouette of his friend, sitting on the beach, away from the party. As he got closer, he noticed the shiny streams on her cheeks he remembered how distant she had been recently.
How she smiled less frequently and how she didn’t talk as much. How she didn’t eat as much and how her leg was always bouncing under the table. How her fists we’re always closed tightly and how tired she looked. The dark circles under her eyes and the nothingness in her gaze. It was like she wasn’t there anymore.
JJ’s face twisted into a sad expression. He felt bad for not noticing it earlier, like it was his fault. It pained him to see her this way, in such a distressed state.
He sat next to her, making her flinch in surprise. “Hey,” he spoke softly, “are you okay?” She wiped her tears away and nodded her head.
“Y/n, please don’t lie.” His voice was small and full of empathy, like he felt the same way she did.
So pathetic, even when doing nothing you’re hurting your friends. How could anyone love you, she said to herself.
“I- uh I-“ she tried to speak but failed, choking on her words.
Panic filled the girl’s mind as she was suddenly aware of what was happening. Her heart tightened in her chest and pain shot up in her rib cage. Her hands were shaking even more and her legs felt numb.
JJ noticed how her eyes were filled with fear and how loud and uneven her breathing had become. She was having a panic attack. It had happened a few times before so he knew how to help her.
“Hey, hey hey,” he placed his arms around her and held her tightly. “You’re okay. I’m here with you, okay? Everything is going to be okay. Now I want you to listen to my voice and do exactly what I say, can you do that?” She nodded, JJ gave her a reassuring smile.
“Okay, good. Now every time you feel a wave crashing on your feet, I want you to take a deep breath and when you feel another one coming, you let it all out, “ she nodded once more.
They both looked down at the ocean and waited for a wave to come. “In,” the wave left the shore slowly and came back a few seconds later. “and out.”
“good, you’re doing good. In and out. That’s it.” JJ’s hand was now tracing small patterns on the back of the girl’s back, so softly she could barely feel it. “Now I want you to talk to me, can you do that for me?”
Her breathing had now slowed down to a regular rhythm and so had her tremors, but she had terror spread across her face.
“I want you-,” he paused wiping away with his free hand the tears off of her warm cheeks, “-to tell me three things that you can see right now.”
“I-“ she shook her head in denial, “no.”
“It’s okay, it’s okay you can do it y/nn.” His voice was warm and so reassuring. Just hearing it helped her calm down.
“I- uh I can, I can se see the ocean,” her voice was shaky and weak.
“Huh uh, keep breathing.”
“and um the uh the-the stars,” she stopped for a second to take a deep breath, her hand reaching out to his. The blond boy flinched at the contact, her skin was freezing cold.
“I-I can also see your eyes,” she finished, her voice sounding smoother and more confident.
JJ offered a warm smile, “good, now tell me two things you can hear.”
Y/n broke the eye contact and started a tte ocean, concentrating on what she could hear. “I hear music playing from the party and uh the waves crashing.”
She was no longer crying or shaking but JJ kept going. “ Name one thing you can feel.”
“Only one?” He shook his head in agreement.
“Your heart,” she stared into his eyes, “I can feel beating in my hand.”
“Good.”
JJ looked away silently. He wanted to ask her what had happened, but he didn’t. Instead he remained quiet and admired the star shining above his head.
“I’m sorry,” she croaked out. “It’s just that lately, it’s like I can’t feel anything at all-“ she wrapped her arms around her knees, “-it’s like the only thing I care about is what others will think about me.”
“Don’t wear that skirt, people will think you’re a slut. Don’t say anything or they’ll think you’re annoying. Did you see them, they’re laughing at you, shouldn’t have said anything. Did you really say that? Ugh you should have let somebody else talk, what a waste of time. He didn’t answer you? Well that’s because he hates you. There’s a party? Don’t go. Nobody likes you anyway, they’re just gonna judge you, they hate you.”
“Y/n, you know none of that is true, we do love you.”
“I know, but I can’t help it! I can’t stop it. And I’m so tired of feeling that way. I just want it to stop.” A single tear rolled down on the side of her face.
“Oh god, y/n.”
“I’m so dumb. I’m here talking to you about my little problems, but you’ve got problems much worse than mine. Jesus I’m so stupid.”
JJ looked at the girl next to him. She looked so small and vulnerable. He could see the pain in her expression and it hurt him so much. He wanted to hold and kiss her, but he was afraid of breaking her. She looked so fragile.
If only she knew how loved she is.
“No y/n, you’re not stupid or dumb. It’s not because I have a shitty life and a jack ass for a dad that your problems are not valid. You’re living something really intense and scary right now but I can assure you that I understand. We’ll get trough this together okay?”
They were both crying messes at this point, but neither of them cared anymore. The small girl opened her arms to boy beside her. Through her gesture a message was hidden, and JJ understood it perfectly. He held her tightly against his chest. Her tears were wetting his shoulder and his were falling onto the messe that was her hair. Her hands were grasping firmly that soft cotton of his sweatshirt, afraid he would let go.
“Don’t let go of me, please,” she implored. “I don’t want you to leave me, ever. I can’t do this without you J.”
“I won’t y/n, I won’t leave you, I promise.”
“We’ll get through it, we’ll get you help and we’ll survive this together, okay?” A sob left the blond’s mouth. “I promise, okay, I promise.”
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