#you straight up can’t read. and you don’t deserve to love roy as a character frankly

[roobylavender]

easy litmus test to know which dc fans are pussies is to ask them if they like jaderoy. if they don’t they’re pussies

[bellatrixxue]

Xue’s Supernatural Dare: Wendigo (S1 EP2)

Hello, everyone? How did everyone feel about the finale? Yes? Yes? Oh. Oh. Oh my. Oh, dear.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell that half-assed homophobic chicken-shit fuckbucket’s not gonna stop me, since I strapped myself onto this roller coaster already and I promised I’m not getting out until the ride’s over, so here we go, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Also, those who are in this roller coaster with me, ready? Tag list is: @fangirlxwritesx67​ @amazingiam00​ @kalliravenne​ @indecisive20something​ @2musiclover2​ @impossibletosleepthrough @there-must-be-a-lock​ @wingedcatninja​ @arvit​

Oh my gods this recap is so cheesy I actually can make a fondue out of it. 2000s, everybody!

A WHOLE MINUTE AND A HALF FOR THAT FONDUE

FUCKJUMPSCARETITLEFUCKYOU

So we’re starting the episode with the murder scene first, eh? Is that gonna be a trend?

Oh come on, Chads, you’re out in nature and you’re playing video games? Absorb the nature...before it absorbs you!

Waitwait. Holy shit is that...is that Cory Monteith? Oh, bless his soul...

If the wendigo eats his dick as he’s peeing I’m immediately giving Jensen Ackles $100. For no real reason, I just feel like giving him money for already carrying the show on his back.

I can’t tell if it did or not, so I’m not paying yet.

Aw, Sammy...

"I should have told you the truth.” *Vine voice* BUT YOU DIDN’T

FUCKYOUINTHEASSHOhnightmare. Nightmare. So did he visit her at her grave or not? I need answers.

A week? Goddamn. Poor thing. That man-eating tree’s fucking good at his job, man.

“There’s nothing there, it’s just...woods,” Sam, I don’t know if Jess’s death hit you hard or if you got into law school by eating some ancient dick and/or pussy instead of earning that high score fair and square, but the woods “in the middle of nowhere” (your words) are known to be one of the top places full of weird-ass creatures. Even kindergartners know that.

Ehehehehehehehehe he’s so smol next to his lil bro my lil shit

At least you’re coming up with decent covers this time. No Agent Mulder and Scully ruining things for you this time around.

“Bull” oop-

Oh Dean’s a smoooooooooth operator. Good going, buddy.

AND HE GOT A COPY OF THAT DOCUMENT TEAM DEAN TEAM DEAN

Oh that death really got to Sam. I hope he doesn’t turn out to be a trigger-happy psycho. Or eat the man-eating tree and become one himself.

Oh, Haley’s a cutie! Which one’s her brother? Cory? Discount Enrique Iglesias?

Do you have a card for EVERY profession, Dean? And how do I get them too?

That is a very pretty car. I bet they wasted half the budget on that thing.

Okay, sonny boy, little bro, Broseidon, calm down.

Ah, fuck, Haley and Broseidon is gonna go into the woods, that’s more heads to worry about.

How the fuck does Sam find information this fast? I’m impressed, I take five hours to get to one article for my research paper. Or maybe I’m just lazy. So he really earned his law school interview without having to eat dick and pussy, huh.

Every 23 years? What is this, Pennywise? Are we going to see the wendigo do his best Tim Curry do his best scary clown impression? Honk honk?

“Whatever that thing is, it can move.” And the sun rises on the East, Sammy. Why are you so smart and dumb at the same time? Is this his character trait? It might grow on me.

Ahhh, so Sam’s go-to move at interrogation is doing puppy dog eyes and sympathize with the person. He’d make a good lawyer, shame that man-eating tree.

Go Grandpa Exposition, go!

Go Grandpa Exposition, go, give us information and none at all!

OH GEEZ THAT SCAR. PENNYWISE WENDIGO IS VICIOUS.

Skinwalker, Back Dog...Ooh, those all sound cool! I hope we get to see them soon!

‘Corporeal’ doesn’t sound like a real word, but then again, English doesn’t sound like a real language. Sorry. Moving on.

Sam’s gonna eat the wendigo with that attitude, Jesus Christ.

AND HIS BROTHER, AT THIS RATE. If the real villain turns out to be inside Sam all along I’m gonna flip. Is that why women keep dying and burning on ceilings where he sleeps? Is he secretly Lucifer’s spawn or something?

“Oh sweetheart I don’t wear shorts”. They queer-coded him from the start and they tried to make you believe he was straight for fifteen seasons straight? And some people bought that?

Oh, crap, another crappy death treatment for Cory before he got into Glee...No, I wasn’t into Glee, I just watched a few episodes and I might hate Rachel Berry...And Lea Michele...ahem...

Dean is totally flirting with Roy shut upppppppp

OOP AND THERE ROY GOES OH THE SEXUAL TENSION IS HIGH IN THESE WOODS TODAY

“It’s probably the most honest I’ve been with a woman. Ever.” See. Bi. Bi bi bi.

So...why the coordinates, Daddy Negan? Is this a portal to Hell? A place where man-eating trees grow?

*carefully places death flag on Roy*

Ooooh the campsite is very...haunted house-y. You know what I’m saying?

That’s not Discount Enrique Iglesias, but Pennywise wendigo, yes? Those things can mimic human voices, right?

*Google searches*...There are so many versions of this tale I can’t even confirm or deny it. Dammit.

Maybe Pennywise wendigo just wants some snacks and a nice phone and GPS? Maybe he misses his family in uh, Canada or something?

Daddy Negan’s journal is  a e s t h e t i q u e .

I’m so sorry, but the way Sammy smirks as he speaks with those dark, dark voids for eyes? My boy’s a demon. He’s a demon, I’m telling you.

At least Haley has some sense to her. *puts another death flag on Roy*

*PUTS YET ANOTHER DEATH FLAG ON ROY*

True, that. What the heck is Daddy Negan up to with all of this?

“Saving people, hunting things, the family business!” Okay, the way Dean said it gave me chills.

I can actually empathize with Sam here...As whiny and bitchy as he is, he has his reasons to be this way. I guess if I were in his shoes, I’d be less of a Dean and more of a Sam, too. We deal with our losses quite similarly.

Ah, the brotherly bonding moments like these little talks make the show worth it. It’s so heartwarming.

Pennywise wendigo! I didn’t miss you, why’re you here to burst my happy bubble?

I’m starting to see a slight parallel between Haley and Broseidon and Dean and Sammy. Hmm.

Nice meeting you, Roy. Zoop you go.

Haley and Broseidon are taking this rather well, I’m glad they do.

Okay, actual exposition time, thank you.

Whoa, Broseidon speaks! Donner Party! Please don’t remind me of that! Those poor people!

Hibernation and food storage. Delightful, just delightful.

TORCHING? *CALLS RAMMSTEIN*

Somehow, not being able to see the wendigo is scarier to me than what I will probably see itself. Limited budget horror can actually work well.

Oh, dear, Roy literally did a death drop. Badum tissssssssss.

FUCK IT TOOK DEAN THE ONLY CHARACTER I CARE ABOUImean I love you too, Sam! Come on, let’s find him before it’s too late!

A trail of M&Ms! Yes, Broseidon! And Hansel and Gretel refercalled it. Sammy, you and I share the same wavelength?

SHITSHITTHEYTRIPPEDANDFELLINTHEFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Thank the gods the Pennywise wendigo kept them right there. Chances.

DISCOUNT ENRIQUE IGLESIAS IS STILL ALIVE GEEZ BUT ALSO PHEW

Ah, Dean Winchester, I love you so much that I can’t even begin to describe it.

Also how convenient that the flare guns are there. Deus ex machina!

Haley would bode well as a hunter, look at her courage, her will. There are more hunters around than Daddy Negan and the brothers, right?

Yeah, seeing the actual wendigo makes me less scared of it now. It’s unnerving, but still.

TEAM DEAN YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW

Graphics are...alright, but it’s the thought that counts!

Running with the grizzly bear story. Smart Broseidon. Ben. Sorry, you deserve to be called by your real name. I think with practice they could become good hunters, along with their Discount Enrique Iglesias brother! Is there a fanfiction for that? Can I write it now?

...

I AM WILLING TO DIE TO PROTECT DEAN WINCHESTER I

Haley’s a lesbian, that’s why she kissed him on the cheek only. Headcanoned. Also I have a crush on her, she’s really pretty? Like? Heart eyes???

Ah, the siblings parallels again. Let’s hope neither of the two brothers end up in the bed like that.

“Man, I hate camping.” Really. Really really. Really.

“I’m driving”

...

SAM WINCHESTER I’M SORRY I EVER SPOKE ILL OF YOU I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE TOO I PROMISE YOU I WILL

It’s just a sassy bisexual brother and his little snide bisexual brother on the road to kill evil creatures and find their father and I love this show? Help? Help???

I really, really see the charm of Supernatural now! I’m fully invested in both brothers and their story, and I’m cheering them both on! Let’s get Daddy Negan back and get rid of that man-eating tree once and for all!

Six stars out of five!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This dare is introducing me to a whole new world, and I really, really am glad I took that jump a few days ago, man!

Thank you everyone for reading my ramblings, and I’ll see you in the day after with the next review! Thank you for sticking with me! Buh-bye!

- Xue

[avasharpe]

The Best of Me Belongs To You

Chapter: One of One

Summary: The four times Nyssa saw Sara and the one time she greeted her.

Fandom: Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow.

Relationship: Nyssa al Ghul/Sara Lance, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe (Mentioned), Roy Harper/Thea Queen.

Characters: Nyssa al Ghul, Sara Lance, Ava Sharpe, Thea Queen, Roy Harper

Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Fall Aesthetics, Angst, Unhappy Ending, WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

(This is an old fic I’m reposting but it fits with the fall vibes.)

...........................................................................

Nyssa walks down the aisle in search of a new tea kettle. The old one had collected rust after spending the majority of its time on the stove holding tea she would never drink. Somehow she ended up in the home décor section and her boots click on the floor as she carries her basket in the crook of her arm.

There was a swish and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as she felt the air brush past her, moved apart by the knife that flies through it. Nyssa hears it land and looks to see to it embedded in a cutting board on the next aisle over.

“What have I told you about playing with merchandise?” A harsh male voice criticizes the thrower.

Nyssa looks to see Sara turn towards the store manager with a disgruntled look. Sara wears jeans and a store issue shirt with her long blond hair swaying around her shoulders. She looks good, although she doesn’t look happy.

There’s a pain in Nyssa’s heart, one that is as familiar to her as breathing. The manager says something and Nyssa can see the murderous glare in Sara's eyes and she wonders if the effects of the pit still torture Sara. Nyssa stands there, frozen in time as she watches Sara scowl at her manager before being called away by another customer.

She wants to go to Sara, but a little voice inside tells her that Sara may not be happy to see her. Especially, if her soul is plagued by the Pit's desires. The event that Nyssa begged to stop, and the guilt she still cares for the part she played her Beloved's tortured soul.

...........................................................................

Nyssa had just finished her latest novel and in a fit of rage had gone back to the library in the midst of a rainstorm just to return the book. The novel, although praised by critics, had a cathartic tone that had not been well played by the author. Leading her to be disappointed and yearning for a more satisfying story. Now, she roams the shelves in an attempt to find something else to satisfy her.

The peace and warmth of the old building, along with the browned tones had calmed her as the smell of old books surrounded her senses. As she picks up an ancient novel she caught a flash of blonde hair in between the crack in the shelf that sent her heart into her throat.

Nyssa walks to the end of the aisle and peeks around the corner. Sara sat at one of the oak tables mulling over several books and papers. There were a number of tables set up in the library for students and others to sit at, but they were all empty save for the one Sara was using.

Nyssa could see the many papers Sara had spread out and the various books she had stacked around her. She was deep in her studies and writing in her notebook, a look of concentration on her features. One Nyssa had seen many nights before as she taught Sara her language and as they studied other League related things.

However, these were not subjects Nyssa had studied before. The stack of books next to Sara were about aerospace engineering and flight as well as astronomy and history. Curiosity got the best of her as she considers approaching Sara and inquiring about the reason for her study.

Once again that little thought intrudes into her mind, saying that Sara was better off without the pain Nyssa brought to her life. Every time Nyssa had entered Sara’s life it had ended in only heartbreak for both of them, but this time they were free of the service to the League and expectations of others. Perhaps this time it could be different.

She contemplated her position and almost lost herself when she caught Sara's blonde hair flicks over her shoulder. Sara whips around in an attempt to catch her. Nyssa quickly sidesteps behind the shelf as she hears Sara get up and race towards the aisle, but by the time she reaches it, Nyssa is long gone.

...........................................................................

This time she had drawn the short straw, literally. Thea had held them both between her fingers in an attempt to settle the argument of who should venture out into the cold fall weather for takeout. A welcome change from their usual dinner of boxed meals. She goes up to the podium at the restaurant and gives the manager the fake to name placed under their order.

The lowlights and red decor mirror the fall evening outside the windows. Nyssa looks around for a place to sit and wait when a short brunet woman brushes past her. She pulls along a tall man with a sunny smile whom she vaguely recognizes as he mutters an apology. Her eyes follow the happy couple as they go to their table. A party full of several other people takes up the center of the restaurant, but Nyssa easily picks out Sara’s face in the crowd. She’s smiling at them as they greet her and sit down across from her.

There is an empty seat next to Sara and Nyssa thinks about how easily she could fill it, but would Sara even want her there? There’s a familiar ache and her heart as if it was tearing open a deep longing. Nyssa watches the party as they laugh and talk, sipping red wine and eating the bread on the tables as they wait for their food.

A clap of thunder catches her attention as it rumbles through the air. The party doesn’t notice, they continue on with their merry dinner. The manager calls her name and hands over the bag of hot food and Nyssa can see the steam come up through the paper boxes. She takes one last look at the group and at Sara's beautiful smile. It’s a genuine smile and true happiness radiates from her.

Nyssa can’t ruin that, she thinks. Sara deserves happiness more than she does. She turns away and walks out the door of the restaurant into the wet, cold streets of the city, layers with golden leaves.

...........................................................................

Nyssa happens upon it, walking around the corner in the park towards the fountain. She sees the couple straight ahead of her. She had been out taking a walk to cool her head. It seems that sharing an apartment with two all but teenagers still slaves to their hormones had taken its toll on her sanity. Nyssa ran out of the apartment they had been staying in after Thea and Roy and started kissing, grabbing only a coat and her gray hat.

The couple is locked in a kiss. Sara is leaning up on her toes as the other blonde’s ducks down to reach her lips. Sara’s got a grip on the other woman's gray jacket collar, holding onto her to keep herself steady. She used to do that to Nyssa, she used to run her fingers along her label and cling to it with a death grip. Nyssa touches her collarbone as if she can still feel Sara's hands there.

Her first thought is that it should be her. It should be her kissing Sara. It should be her ducking down to reach Sara’s lips, but it’s not and Nyssa can barely stand to see it. She thinks she should feel jealous, but instead, she just feels a longing for her beautiful yellow bird.

Sara pulls away with a smile across her face, mirroring the one on the woman’s face in front of her and dropping back down onto her heels. Sara straightens the other woman’s shirt as she pulls Sara in closer to her. She whispers something in Sara's ear that makes her laugh, the sound echoing through the park.

It was that beautiful sound that sent Nyssa falling in love with her all over again. Sara’s laughter pulls at her heart, but it wasn’t meant for her. She knows now if Sara were to look over and catch her, she would see the pain on Nyssa’s face. She steps back once, then twice, till she turns and runs in the other direction. Now Nyssa only feels jealousy in her heart.

...........................................................................

“I don’t want to go,” Nyssa insists.

“Oh come on you’ll have lots of fun,” Thea said, as she put the finishing touches on her makeup. “It’s for Felicity, remember. It’s her first Hanukkah without Oliver and I want to be there.”

The idea of spending the entire night enjoying Felicity's and everyone else's company without having to see Oliver entices her very much so. Despite how the thought of potentially running into Sara overwhelms her senses.

“What are you gonna do Nyssa? Celebrate Hanukkah all by yourself in this crappy apartment?” Roy asks, knowing she would attend just to spit him. They have a very good relationship although, it was more teasing than anything, he was the little brother she never had.

She was also looking forward to having the night off and being around others her own age. Thea and Roy were wonderful, but despite their shared agenda, they were both at different stages in their lives.

"Alright," she agrees.

“Hey,” Felicity greets them with an eager smile and a warm hug and she ushers them into her home.

There was a fire going in the hearth and blue and white decorations adorn the brick walls. Felicity and Thea quickly got swept into a conversation as Nyssa hung back admiring the apartment. She wanders around towards the kitchen and before she catches Sara’s familiar warm smile. She’s wrapped around the arm of the blonde Nyssa saw at the park. She turns to walk away from them, but before she can take a step Sara recognizes her.

“Nyssa.” Sara calls out, her name sweet on Sara's lips.

“Hello, Sara,” she said trying to be polite. When she turns around and looks at Sara she sees a kind of softness in her eyes.

“It's good to see you, Felicity mentioned that you were traveling with Thea and Roy to destroy the other Lazarus pits,”

Nyssa nods. “They also told me of your time traveling adventures. It must be exciting.”

There’s a kind of heaviness that sets in the air as they gaze into each other’s eyes. The other blonde that is attached to Sara’s hip looks between the two of them.

“Hello, I’m Ava Sharpe, Sara’s fiancé.”

Before she can introduce herself to Ava, Thea bounds over having heard Ava’s introduction. She squeals at Sara as they embrace each other in an excited hug.

“I heard someone’s engaged,” Thea sang.

“Yeah, Sara show her,” Ava said, holding up Sara’s hand, to display the ring on her finger. It's certainly extravagant with several large diamonds in an intricate display. Something Nyssa knew Sara never wanted. Not in their lifetime at least.

“So Ava, Felicity said that you work for some sort of time agency?”

“Yes, the Time Bureau…” Ava said as she began to explain her work.

Nyssa lets her eyes fall down into left, a silent signal to Sara. Who takes her cue and untangles herself from Ava. They walk towards the pantry and away from the crowd as Nyssa puts her hand on Sara's back, knowing that she would lean into her as Sara caves to Nyssa's touch.

‘I’ve missed you’ or ‘you look good’ are some of the things she expects Sara to say. However, once they're alone in the pantry, Sara turns to lean against the counter across from her.

“I’m so proud of you,” Sara said, her smile is soft and the weight of her words surprises Nyssa. “Standing up to your father and Merlyn, dismantling the League, and destroying the Lazarus Pit. You've ventured out on your own and created your own path in life. It’s everything I could have wanted for you.”

“I was simply doing what was best," Nyssa said, looks down at the floor and away from Sara’s bright eyes, grateful for her approval, but her instincts are always to be modest.

Sara gave a little chuckle and Nyssa wants to wrap up this moment in a bottle. If only so she could keep the feelings and the sound of Sara’s laugh forever.

“And what of you? I have heard of some of your adventures, but none of the details?” Nyssa asks, yearning to hear of Sara's life.

“I’m a time traveler now and the captain to a crew of misfits. Recently we’ve been battling a few demons. Things somehow get messed up a lot, but I like to think we fix things more than we break them.”

Sara seems to shine as she describes her work in Nyssa can see that it is her true calling.

“I’m glad you’re happy with your work and with Ava as well,” Nyssa said, the first part fell naturally off her tongue, but the latter set of words she had to force herself to say.

“Yeah Ava and I are happy,” Sara said, nodding her head eagerly and fiddling with her ring. “Are you happy? Do you have someone? I didn’t see anyone else with you tonight.”

“There is no one else in my life,” Nyssa said, ‘only you’ she thought. “But I am happy, very much so.”

“That’s great,” Sara said nodding, drumming her fingers on her clutch.

“Yes,” Nyssa agrees too quickly.

Every cell in Nyssa’s body screams ‘go to her! Kiss her, pull her into your arms and never let go!' Surely Sara must see the longing on her face and the way Nyssa’s body aches for her.

“There you are,” Ava said walking into the pantry. “Have you two had enough time to get caught up?”

Ava plants herself next to Sara and wraps an arm around her. Ava leans down to give her a kiss, but Sara turns away and resigns Ava to kiss her cheek.

“Yes,” Nyssa said, eager to leave. “I think I’ll go find Felicity and see if she needs any help.”

Then she does something she’s never done before. While walking away Nyssa turns to look back to her. Sara's lips were parted and there was a look of longing in her eyes, one that Nyssa knows all too well. Against her better judgment, she left Sara in the pantry. She knew that Sara will be happy with Ava. Nyssa has seen it and she can find someone else to love. Although, in that moment it seemed she will never truly love anyone else.

...........................................................................

“Why didn’t you tell her how you feel?” Thea asks on the car ride home, questioning her from the passenger set. “You could have swept her off her feet and taken her away.”

“Not everything is a fairytale, little Queen.”

Thea rolls her eyes but continues. “Didn’t you see the way Sara looked at you, she still loves you.”

“She said she was happy and she is engaged to another. I will not go against her word and intervene where I am not wanted.”

“Nyssa, Sara’s lying. Can't you see, she was looking at you all night, she…”

“Thea, enough,” Nyssa said, gripping the steering wheel.

Nyssa studies the road before her and the rain that fell across it. The leaves from fall sit decaying on the roadside as winter sets in. She knows she will never be with Sara. No matter how much she longs for her, no matter how much she is jealous, no matter how happy she knows she and Sara could be.

[faul-lacks-motivation]

A Simple Analysis of the Differences Between FMA (2003) and FMA:B

I just spent the past week rewatching both Fullmetal Alchemist (2003) and Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and I have THOUGHTS that I need to put out into the void to get over the emptiness I feel from finishing such a wonderful series. Thoughts surrounding the distinct story and theme differences in the endings of both series. Please, come along for the ride if you wish. Spoilers a-plenty ahead. 

To preface, I first watched the original Fullmetal Alchemist series about ten years ago, in either 2009 or 2010. I loved it. Everything was amazing, except, I was disappointed in the ending - which is really spawning this whole analysis. After I finished the series, and the movie to cap it off, I found Brotherhood on the streaming service I was using, and was rightly confused. FMA was one of my first introductions to anime, so I didn’t know much about the world of anime or manga. Because of this, I asked my older brother and he told me not to bother with Brotherhood. (Idk if his thoughts have changed regarding this). So, it wasn’t until, maybe four years later that I decided to give Brotherhood a chance. First, I saw a few random episodes on Adult Swim, and was confused that 1) Al could do alchemy without a circle, and 2) why the hell was Ed so tall? For the first confusion, I blame that on forgetting the lore of how the hand clapping alchemy plus the truth gate worked, and thought it was something special only Ed could do. Around this time, I realized that my school library had the FMA mangas, so I decided to start reading them, and was of course, enamored. Then, I think the library didn’t have all of the mangas, and somehow I had realized that the Brotherhood anime was basically identical to the manga, so I decided to pick up in the anime where I left off in the manga. 

I honestly don’t have much memory of watching FMA:B all those years ago. Maybe that’s because the last, what, 20 episodes is the finale, lol. But I do remember enjoying the ending, and wishing that I could pair the entirety of FMA with the ending of FMA:B. What I enjoyed so much about FMA was the serious, dark tone of it. At the time, I felt like FMA:B had a lighter, sillier tone to it, and I was pining for those depressing moments in FMA where Ed was losing his mind. What can I say? I like intense characters and shows. 

When I began my rewatch a week ago, I was reminded of just how dark FMA was. Of course, I still enjoyed it. I had a wonderful time reliving the show and rediscovering plot lines, and watching the boys do everything they can, but then I got to the last few episodes. To be clear, and for those who maybe haven’t watched FMA, the whole show is dark and depressing. There is very little hope. It is far more brutal and bloody, with the reality and trauma of war, even resulting in the r*pe of a beloved side character. Really, the writers just went off, which I think is evident by the story line of Tucker. The flipside of that, is that the darkness and trauma is toned down in FMA:B. It’s not as gory, and there’s more hope. Even the whole reconnecting the nerves thing that Ed goes through with his automail is far less painful. There is more comedy in FMA:B, but I realized in my rewatch that it is deserved and does not disrupt the tone and still allows for the show to be serious.

Don’t get me wrong, I love FMA for what it is. Like I said, I like intense characters, and I was waiting for those intense battle moments where Ed is scrappy and resourceful, and maybe on the verge of a mental breakdown. We get that in FMA:B too, but just not as much. During my rewatch, though, I realized how slow the pace of the show was, especially when you get to the second half. I’m sure we can discuss that this was because the anime started when there was just a few volumes out and the creator wanted the anime to take on a different story, which they certainly did, but it is slow. Especially when you compare it to the pace of Brotherhood. 

Now, my biggest qualm is the ending of FMA. It always has been, and here’s why: there is no internal change within Ed and Al. They end where they began. Writing and pace aside, the end of the FMA series has the boys alone. Loneliness is the one of the biggest differences between the two stories. Throughout FMA, the brothers are always keeping their mouths shut and just trying to stay on track with their mission. The adults, and Roy’s gang, try to step in, try to help and offer support, but the boys are still pretty hell bent on keeping it a family matter. And this gets into the “no hope” aspect to the tone of the show. After shit goes down in Liore and Al becomes the philosopher stone, he and Ed take off on their own. Sure, Roy’s gang stops them, and tries to help, but even then, Ed and Al still stubbornly keep their secrets. Perhaps this is because they truly feel there is very little hope. They know that the philosopher stone is made from human lives. They thought that they had saved Liore, when in reality, they contributed to how fucked up it got (which is a huge difference in FMA:B). Now, thousands of soldiers are dead, they’re fugitives, and Al himself is a philosopher stone. I can even argue that Ed is far more emotionally stoic in this series, which contributes to the tone. 

Sure, the boys do achieve some change when they encounter their mother-homunculus. They find acceptance with her death, but they are still alone. And mind you, at this point in the show, we’re winding down, yet these battles don’t feel intense and climatic. They’re somber. Sad. A big theme of FMA is “what does it mean to be human?” This is a big part of Lust’s character, and she does what she can to help the boys, and then fizzles into death, thinking about her human life and love. Sloth acknowledges that she could love Ed and Al, but she wants to kill them, and at the very end she accepts her death. Wrath, a lost child who wanted a mom because he felt abandoned, now loses his mother figure in Sloth, and loses his mind. He’s crying out about wanting his mother and wanting to bring her back (a foil for Ed? What? No way). The boys are separated, having felt loss once again.

Then, we get the final battle. I’ll gloss over the parallel world thing, but what we get, is the boys going into battle alone. Sure, Al didn’t have a choice, but Ed did. He is so caught up in his turmoil and his desperate need to save his brother from his mistakes. He can’t fathom bringing in anyone else, and the crazy part is that all the adults in his life let him go into battle alone. There is nuance to that, of course, it’s not so cut and dry, they all had shit to do, but still. Even with Hohenheim around, he offers very little to his sons, and also goes off into battle alone (which yes, is similar to FMA:B, but his decision kept the boys out of the loop, and fucked up everyone). 

And then, in the most anti-climatic moment, Ed dies. Envy shocks him with the reveal of his appearance (which I would call bullshit on), and he straight up dies. Not in a heroic way, just in a sad, he ran out of luck way (which is reflective of the serious tone of the series). And really, even with all of that, the boys basically luck their ways into saving the world. Once the villain is taken care of, Al does something out of desperation. He uses the philosopher stone, and sacrifices himself, to save his brother. What ensues is a cycle of toxic desperation and sacrifice. He uses the stone, which really, they both said they shouldn’t use because of the lives lost. What he does, is not accept the reality and finality of death, which if they were going to have an internal change by the end, it would be accepting that. But he doesn’t, so he brings Ed back. And then Ed, not respecting that his brother wanted to give himself up, decides to then sacrifice himself to bring Al back. What we see, is the same problem that they got into in the beginning. Their incapability to accept death and move one. They can’t even find a new way to bring their bodies or souls back, Ed does what he did when he was a child to sacrifice himself to bring Al back. And the sad thing is that Ed is completely calm during this. He knows what he is doing. And, it is sad. Even after that, when we learn of the new, younger Al, who doesn’t even have his memories of the past 3-4 years of him and his brother, states that he still wants to continue their mission. What we see, is that nothing was learned. Al is going on the same mission he started the series with. And sure, at the end of the movie that finished the series, they are back together, but they are alone in a different world without alchemy. And we, as the viewers, know that there is very little chance of them coming back to their home world. FMA ends, with the boys alone, still. 

Now, on the flipside of that we have FMA:B. Instead of the boys stubbornly refusing help until the very end, they let others in. They know that they need help. It’s why the finale is basically the last 20 episodes, because there are so many moving parts to save the day. And I’ll be real, when watching those final episodes, I did find myself wanting more of solo brother moments. I wanted to see more of Ed’s resourceful fighting, but because he had so many people on his side, he didn’t need to resort to that. And that truly is the point of FMA:B: having people on your side. Getting down to the last moments, what we have is 1) a far more epic battle, and 2) Al still sacrifices himself. BUT, this sacrifice feels justified. In the moment he decides to do so, he knows that Ed is about to die (emphasis: about), and that his soul seal is about to break. His sacrifice calls back to the other soldiers who sacrificed themselves to get in a mortal blow on the enemy. And Al uses logic with this. He realizes that if Ed gave up his arm for Al’s soul, then the reverse is true, and in that moment, Ed needs his arm in order to fight back. Al knows, that either he does nothing and they both die, or he sacrifices himself because he was going to die anyway and save his brother and everyone else. 

And Ed accepts this. He is angry and upset, of course, but he is able to stop the bad guy. And then we see his internal change. He is offered a philosopher stone to bring back Al. He says, no, of course not. His own father insists and offers himself because he is a philosopher stone. Again, no, of course not, this is our problem, we can’t sacrifice anyone else. So he thinks. He realizes everything he now has in his life, everything he gained, and decides to sacrifice something he really doesn’t need: his alchemy. If you think about it, the only reason he got so invested in using alchemy was out of lonely desperation to bring back his mother, and then to restore Al’s body. Why would he need alchemy when he has the support of so many loved ones and his brother? 

With FMA:B we get a satisfactory ending. Because the brothers are able to change and allow support from others, they are able to get back what they wanted. (I would assume that Ed probably didn’t care too much about getting his limbs back if it meant he got Al back, but hey, one out of two aint bad). Ed and Al are able to move on, and look brightly into their futures. Personally, I found that Ed being unable to use alchemy a bit of a bummer, but again, he recognizes that he doesn’t need it, and in the ending he reflects that the sacrifice was worth it, because it was. He got back his whole world and then some. 

What we have are two very different stories. I would argue FMA is a cautionary tale of loneliness and refusing help. FMA:B is the opposite. While both are enjoyable and intense and cinematic, that difference sticks with me. 

[luminisvii]

Am I losing my shit about fanfiction again? You BET! It’s time for Tell to lose her goddamn mind about some truly awful fanfic! It’s my blog, I get to do what I want! And that’s to talk about how people are more blessed than they believe since they didn’t read this!

Today I’m going to talk about Super Smash Sisters: Damsel to Hero. Given the title uses a word like Damsel in it and it’s rated M, this is going to be GREAT

content warning for well what do you think a horny man on the internet would write ie: cheating, incest, terrible depictions of women being horny, violence (I don’t explain any of this in detail so you’re welcome. but it is mentioned) I’m not linking this thing because you guys don’t deserve this.

It took me forever to finish the entire fic, and I actually wrote most of this before finishing. You may say “Wait a second Tell, you need to fully read the work in order to discuss it!” No I do NOT. Trust me, this doesn’t need to be finished to understand. I needed moral support for this, I couldn’t have possibly read this by myself. I feel really sorry for my poor friends that have to deal with this horse shit with me because it’s kind of got a bit of je ne sai completely godawful. I’m semi tough and can stomach some senseless nonsense pretty nicely, but the real heroes here are my friends for toughing out the rampant sex and terrible female character writing all mixed with Call of Duty plot and characters. You thought this was about Smash Bros? WRONG! 

I know exactly jack about the author, Yamagata, other than they are probably some poor horny straight guy in high school or maybe a genius troll. We just don’t know. Either way they were pretty dedicated. The fic itself is 91,621 words and 45 chapters, and apparently on hiatus but we all know hiatus is just another word for dead. It’s better off that way. All good awful fics end on a cliffhanger.

The premise, as the title implies, is that all the men of Smash are kidnapped by nazis or some shit after a failed drug raid and it’s up to all the women to save them of which there are Zelda, Peach, and Samus because this was written in the Brawl era. You might think “Wait, isn’t that not a lot of female characters?” right you are! The author decides to bring in tons of female characters from all sorts of video games and anime. A personal favorite is a major character in this fic is Bright Noah from Gundam, notably not a woman. I love him! I’m disappointed he hasn’t slapped anyone yet! What’s the point of importing Bright Noah into a fanfic if he isn’t going to deliver a Bright Slap? Sorry folks, there’s gonna be me getting distracted about Gundam once in a while.

I can’t remember exactly what happens because the chapters really blur together quickly. They’re almost always first half violence in COD land and second half really bad lesbian sex scenes. See, the title is a misnomer. The women don’t actually do a lot of hero work. It’s still handled by men. Ones who aren’t even from Smash Bros. Bright Noah and another guy called Hargrove who I’m not familiar with are constantly telling the women what to do and while the women sometimes go on missions to fight Nazis or whatever, half the time we’re following some random male characters. A good friend had no idea one of them was Tuxedo Mask because they used his dub name and we spent like ten chapters with this idiot before realizing it was him. They just spend their time fighting different various enemies from real life as opposed to smash. So the guys fight and then the women all fuck because when your boyfriend is missing you have to immediately bang the nearest female out of grief. It’s not cheating if it’s gay! Even worse is there’s a lot of incest because apparently that’s how women act, too. Also for some reason when the women DO fight it plays exactly like the men’s side but with Bright Noah just telling them what to do. Also for some reason Peach just fucking kills people and I’m not really sure how to deal with that. Like, yeah, I guess.

Let’s try to do a plot recap but that’s going to be difficult because I’m not sure what the plot is. Okay, in theory, I do. But we’re just circling around and doing the same thing so many times that I’m plain lost. 

In theory, the plot is as mentioned before. The men of Smash get kidnapped and turned to trophies by Nazis. I’m noting that besides Nazis the men are all brutally murdered in order to turn them into trophies. Then it turns out that Samus, Peach, and Zelda are safe because they were at the Smash Mansion cleaning and having sex as princesses and bounty hunters are known to do. Then they find out from Bright that the men have been kidnapped so they have to form a task force against them. So there’s a long ass paragraph of characters, many of which do not have speaking lines until much later anyway, but they’re all female characters from other games or anime. I’m really into Fire Emblem and there’s a bunch of those so time to cry. Bright has to tell these women to stop being so damn emotional and be ready to start murdering. 

Also in the first chapter, we have the reveal of the villain, some Tabuu knock-off named Emerald. She too recruits a ton of villainous characters who all introduce themselves AFTER THEY’VE BEEN RATTLED OFF IN PARAGRAPH FORM. You didn’t get it the first time? They’re all going to painstakingly state their name and identity. Admittedly it’s kind of funny to have Cell in a room with Liquid Snake and Ashnard. Also who invited Valtome? They didn’t even invite Zelgius. Maybe our favorite Begnion General figured out that a certain thirsty ass senator was gonna be there and stayed in bed today. Okay, fewer tangents, I promise. 

With the establishing of all the villains and heroes, everything instantly turns to shit. Half the time we’re not even following a group who’s connected to the main characters and when we are with the main characters they are either having terrible sex or shooting nazis. This sounds like it’d be funnier than it is but it’s really Grade A Depressing. I can’t tell what’s going on or why and since I have exactly no knowledge of Call of Duty I’m afraid I don’t know anything about our actual protagonists either. Every chapter starts with some pretentious usually WWII related quote and involves some guys dying and then some ladies bonking. It’s the same format every time and after a while I feel like this is some advanced torture method. 

Among the bad sex is for some reason moms are banging their elementary school age daughters because their husbands are out. Women are so horny they’d rather fuck their children than wait long enough for their husbands. It’s so messed up. My eyes naturally glaze over on the sex scenes because they’re kind of clinically written and something about cute pussies or whatever. I feel bad for Bright Noah, he has to break up these badly written orgies to talk more about the nonexistent plot. Bright Noah needs a raise. All in all the sex is something that maybe a 13 year old boy might find hot if he hasn’t managed to read all the other way better smut fics out there. If 13 year old boys even do things like that. 

Since there’s no way for me to coherently walk through the plot since each scene hardly seems to amount to anything besides either violence or a roll in the hay, I’ll just have to start briefly talking about the few notable things that happen, probably out of order. Who the fuck even knows what chapters these happened in? I sure don’t! 

First off, a lot of the women conscripted into the task force have supernatural powers but they’re just given guns. I also think the author has something for Krystal or whatever since we focus on her a lot for no good reason. The women are also often infiltrating secret bases to nazis or other bad guys that I’m not as well versed in because admittedly I’m not that interested in the history of warfare, modern or old. I just assume this is a COD thing. But in order to infiltrate the bases, they just wave papers at literally every guy they come across and that does it somehow. I started going ballistic and every time they mentioned papers I would start screeching again. They get stopped by some dude and he’s always like “Where are your papers?” and they ALWAYS have the papers and then they go past but the author FEELS THE NEED TO KEEP BRINGING IT UP. It’s like The Black Fucking Mountains again. Something I’ve learned about myself is that I do poorly with overly repetitive writing, so I wonder why I’m reading world’s most repetitive piece ever penned for fun. I can’t recall anything that happens in any chapters.

Somewhere in the mix they actually save Ike, Marth, and Roy. Somehow the most in character thing in the entire fic happens with them when it’s offhandedly mentioned that they sometimes dogpile into the same bed as a joke. What was more shocking to me is that suddenly Ike is a total nuclear bomb genius out of nowhere. Sure, he’s from a medieval fantasy setting, he knows what nukes are. We finally get some more plot. Apparently Emerald is trying to develop some insanely powerful nuke in order to destroy the trophies of the remaining captured heroes. See, she’s holding them ransom so she can get… money? Power? Fame?

Trying to do this from memory is so hard. I did My Inner Life practically all from memory, only going in there for the copy and pasted quotes! What the heck? This fic just slides off my brain. I don’t know if finishing it is even worth it since it’s not like I’m reading any of the sex scenes in detail (I mean why would I, a woman with decent taste, want to read about usagi feeling up chibi usa) and I sure as hell can’t understand the Call of Duty parts so in conclusion this fic really wasn’t targeted at me. 

But whatever. So now the main crew has to slaughter their way to bomb storage or development or something. Some of the COD guys died and I didn’t notice, some of the villains died (tragically Valtome was K.I.A.) and all in all too much sex was happening. Seriously, Mist has sex on her brother’s bed, that’s kind of nasty. I don’t know why I’m so hung up on all of that. It’s like the piss drinking thing, it’s a minor offense in a long line of “HOLY FUCKING SHIT” but here’s where I get derailed. 

How many times can I say that this fic is terrible? Because it is. I don’t understand who a lot of these characters are and why they’re here or what they’re doing. I managed to read to the end and all that I learned was Shadow the Hedgehog apparently cheated on Rouge with some guy called Makarov who is another major villain. What, so when Rouge cheats on him with another woman it’s fine, but when he cheats on her with a man he gets killed for it? I smell double standard! Don’t worry, I’m a feminist, I support equal rights of everyone getting punished for their perpetual horniness. Still, there’s this shocking turn of events where the men are somehow the ones who aren’t constantly obsessed with sex and the women are going around topless and banging each other constantly while homosexuality in men is seen as evil and wrong. For some reason I think the person who wrote this might be a man. He feels the need to remind us, 40 chapters in, that there will be No Yaoi scenes but plenty of Yuri. No shit dude, like, fuck! I didn’t know! 

Towards the end, Washington DC gets overrun by Colombians and the team has to kill them. There’s some drawn out attack sequence where everything is described in monotonous detail with military terms I don’t understand. I have a general revulsion to military weeaboos as they are sometimes called, so this stuff turns my stomach. It also features Kenichi, the main character of the animated Metropolis adaptation, which I DID see a long time ago! This little boy is killing people! It’s fine! Also it mentions Frau Bow from Gundam and discusses that she’s training to fight in a mobile suit to help support, but Peach and Samus are the ones who actually use the mobile suits. Peach kills people in the RX-78-2. I’m not sure how to feel about that. Another aside is King Boo is in the mix and he dies. How do ghosts die? Asking for a friend. 

There’s also some weird aside of the COD guys doing an arrest in Disneyland. Gaz, Soap, and Price all go there guns akimbo and chase down some dudes and some people die. I don’t think Disney would like that. This also comes out of nowhere, Gaz was playing fucking Go with this dude called Katsuie and it was practically a smash cut transition of “well I arrested a guy in Disneyland once wanna HEAR about it?” and it was. Something. I don’t understand why we did this.

We end with Krystal and Fox discussing that she’s breaking up with him because while he was held hostage, she got engaged to a woman and is unceremoniously dumping him. The scene was honestly kind of funny for the fact that she was having a lesbian three way in his fucking bathroom and then was like “Yeah we’re not dating anymore. I’m engaged. Later idiot!” while naked. Shortly after it’s decided that they need to bomb some German base, I think. So Bright Noah tells the crew to suit up and get ready, and so Krystal and her Lesbians fly off to go fight. Krystal ends up in a one on one with a dude called Scales who I’m unfamiliar with since I don’t know Star Fox lore but I’m sure it’s super important to Krystal. The duel ends so badly that Fox needs to jump in and he and Scales end up plummeting to their death out a window and also getting blown up by grenades. Fox just fucking died for the girlfriend that cheated on him the second he wasn’t home. Honey, you deserve more than this, and Krystal deserves to be treated better by the narrative as well. He gives his blessing as he’s dying, though, so it’s fine. 

The whole thing ends shortly after that. It was never completed, not that I think it could be, since I read all 91k words and I still don’t understand who is who, what’s going on, or why things are happening. Even if I did know all the characters featured I don’t think it’d help. I know about 50% of them and it’s not helpful at all. I completely forgot that Emerald is a thing. She’s the main villain! She’s hardly in it! The guy should have cut the shit and just written 

Tell’s recommendation? Don’t read this unless you’re really, truly a masochist. It’s not funny enough most of the time to justify the insanity. It’s sexist and racist. Chapters monotonously drone on with the same things happening almost every time. The bad sex isn’t even funny. Save yourself the trouble and if you really must know, check out the first few chapters only and then call it. The author has other works that I haven’t read but I’m not sure that I will based on the quality of this work, and they also published something as recently as 2017 meaning they could probably rise from the hiatus grave and kick my ass for trash talking them. 

One Sentence Review: Bright Noah doesn’t slap anyone. 

[faunusrights]

‘AFTER THE FALL’ - LIVEREAD III

The more I hear about the latter half of this book, the more depresso espresso I’m drinking. Let’s see how it goes, huh?

(Since there’s more chapters in the latter half than the first half, short chapters will probably get combined together for the sake of. I’m lazy.)

CHAPTERS EIGHT AND NINE

I love that Velvet’s the one who enlisted Weiss and Yang, expecting shit to go sideways. She saw these two gays on main and went ‘they look like they can party’. Was she wrong? No. Did she invite Cinder for the express purpose of drama? Yes. Can you make me stop shipping Sinnamon Bun? Also no.

Okay, this book has read my mine though!!! Ruby pitches a Beacon Battle Club where they play music as they fight, and no word of a fucking lie, that happens in Great Weiss Shark AU! I am not kidding! I had this whole story planned out! This is theft of the HIGHEST order.

“Doilies are absurd and elitist,” Yang said.

This is simultaneously the least Yang-like line and also the most Yang-like line I’ve ever heard. The duality of idiot, I suppose.

I like Fox! I really do, actually! He’s my son now. Although, the bad news is I dunno if I can replicate him in The Frapp Logs, so he’ll just have to keep dragging Coco to the ends of the earth. Same thing, right? R-right?

“Leaders can’t be the comic relief.” Fox raised his eyebrows. “Jaune.”

Is this the second time Jaune’s been dragged? I’m living for it. Also, sleepy Blake! And CFVY knowing she’s (they’re) a Faunus! And the second book behind a book! I love you, Blake.

Velvet correcting Yatsu’s ‘catnap’ joke! I wrote a ficlet about this exact thing once, so I TOLD you my Velvet’s NEARLY CANON. SHE JUST NEEDS TO EAT MORE PROTEIN IS ALL.

Onto chapter nine. God, these chapters get thinner by the second, huh?

BACK TO THE DESERT WE GO, and there’s... fog? Which is now gone! Wow! Is this a plot device? Foreshadowing? I sure hope so, because why on earth it would warrant a mention we’re just not too sure!

A sandstorm is incoming and hidden tracks are gonna get blasted away. I’m trying to figure out if this is all pathetic fallacy or if I’m reading too much into handy-dandy plot devices. Why not both?

Heart-to-heart with Coco and Yatsu... and we’re back to Yatsu giving Velvet all the hugs. Now that I’m sensing the Velv/Yats vibes, I’m extra suspicious. You stop that. Let Velvet have a fashionable GF at least if you won’t let her kiss Weiss!!!

‘[...] even the women were down to halter tops. Focus, Coco, she thought.’

Ah, lesbian as always. I’m soothed. Carmine enters the tent and Coco gets even gayer. I’m very soothed.

‘What was Jaune doing after losing a member of his team, a friend... someone he clearly cared about.’

I don’t care about what Jaune feels. Why the heck would Coco even care? There’s literally so many more people that impacts than just Jaune, lawd.

CHAPTER TEN AND ELEVEN

Back to Fox, who is honestly the shining star of this book by now. I love you, my blind and sassy son.

I love Ada and the battle mechanic she has! I’m really enjoying how Fox interacts with the world around him and using his Scroll and AI as an accessibility device. It’s neat! I didn’t expect them to go as ham on him as they did, but they did.

“Update,” Ada said. “Weapon has projectile capabilities.” “You mean it’s also a gun.”

Obligatory gun meme.

Combat stuff happens, Fox wins a fight against a confused Edward, and it turns out Gus is the one summoning Grimm and Fox just got jumped, so we slide into another flashback for chapter eleven. Lemme tell ya, this book ain’t afraid of moving fast.

“I guess you slightly oversold your ability to track the survivors,” Coco said.

Again, this is one of those lines that reads as very... callous? Kinda mean? I’ve always had Coco in my head as someone who very broadly puts her team (and their feelings) first, even if it’s rough, so lines like this make me go 🤔

Velvet falls, Yatsu panics, Coco gets up in everyone’s grill. There’s a lot to this dynamic I am not enjoying right now, and even then this seems inconsistent with the CFVY we’ve seen in the book itself. I know the author’s trying to communicate that Coco is tired and frustrated, that I get, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t how... it would really happen given her character? I dunno. ‘S weird.

Was that a fat joke I spotted there? From Coco? I need a nap. Also COCO LET VELVET DO THINGS JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!!!!!!!!

Coco has claustrophobia! I wrote her as having agoraphobia, so this is a hilarious turn of events. Also Coco has two brothers, not one: Mate and Toma.

Coco is fighting Grimm in a cave with CFVY, but still finds time to criticise Velvet in combat. Hey, maybe if you let her do things, she’d prove you wrong, dingus. And then she does! See!

Aaaaaaaand the six survivors are all dead. This was a pretty traumatic event, all told, which makes it weird that they look... less affected in the show? Still, this chapter was VERY weird for the characterisations because Coco seems especially inconsistent, alas. Anyway, onto:

CHAPTERS TWELVE AND THIRTEEN

The sandstorm is approaching and catching the wagons, which I have just realised are actually vehicles that use fuel. Mostly because that’s the First I Heard Of It.

‘Velvet noticed a pistol tucked in the back before she closed the door.’

Hi, can Chekhov please pick up his gun from aisle twelve? Thanks.

GIANT SAND TURTLE. AVATAR AANG C’MERE Y’ALL GOTTA LEARN HOW TO DEFEAT THE FIRELORD.

“You said it’s big enough to ride on?” Velvet asked.

Maybe this is why Coco dismisses Velvet so often. She only pitches the craziest ideas, which is why I love her. That said, Coco finally lets Velvet do something! It’s a miracle of man! Climb that turtle, bihh!

Yatsu calls Velvet V. I’m so used to Velv that V sounds entirely too cool for this idiot.

Everyone’s pissed again, but-- IS THAT THE SAND WORM THING FROM ARRAKIS?! What A Tweest!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nobody coulda seen THAT coming!!!!!

So let’s go to chapter thirteen, where Fox has had the shit beaten out of him behind a Denny’s. Sound about right.

So what’s-his-name-- Bertilak, whomst from now on shall be called Bert because what sorta water tribe name even is that (wow the ATLA references are on fire today). Anyway, Bert is being paid by someone else to deliver people with Stronk Semblances like summoning Grimm! Gee I Wonder Who That Might Be (I don’t actually know but I’m honestly not going to be surprised either way).

“Yeah, [Bert]’s a real bastard.” “Even I can see that,” Fox sent.

I love it. Fox really has been the highlight of this book for me.

Fox is on the ground and the referee is counting him to ten, so it’s mid-chapter-flashback time! We learn how Fox’s parents died (sinkhole) and how that became his motivation for... going to Beacon? Okay, tenuous link at best, but I’m going with it.

Carmine is full of trouble and Fox is determined to take Bert with ‘em. Let him DIE.

I’m gonna keep going since we’re not four chapters from the end, so:

CHAPTERS FOURTEEN AND FIFTEEN

Flashback time! Again! Only it’s CFVY’s POV of their return to Beacon. I wouldn’t mind this if like. We hadn’t already seen this from RWBY’s perspective in the show? People know this from my tastes in fanfic, but I’m not a huge fan of retellings of canon events, it’s soooooo boooooring. So I’m just gonna grind through this asap.

(I do like that RWBY and CFVY have all these parallels being called to. As they should.)

Okay we’re past the recap and OH LAWD I HEARD OF THIS BIT. Goodwitch is here (I love u Glynda no matter what) but yeah, I’ve heard this part is Big Oof so uh, let’s see this happen go down. Velvet is being requested to see Ozpin so /buckles down.

Velvet’s being questioned alone for the Whole Thing, and team CFVY have burst into the office demanding to know why, and Velvet’s a crying wreck! I’m still very >:I for everyone being overprotective of Velvet, c’mon, but also: Oz, can you please have tact? Just once in your life? Tact? Do you has it?

Anyway, CFVY have reconciled and we turn to chapter fifteen, in which: Yatsu.

Carmine has Gus, everyone’s on the Turtmobile, and shit’s hitting the fan. Yatsu’s going after Gus and Carmine alone, and I’m still waiting on Chekov’s Gun to Chekov its way right into someone’s butt. Unless it’s Chekov’s Red Herring.

Here comes a fight scene! I never have much to say during fight scenes, so, uh, yeah. There’s some real last-minute exposition in places, though, where it really shouldn’t be.

Eey, Carmine is telekinetic! Very powerful and also OP, gotta nerf that shit right down, Edward.

Yatsu’s very nearly defeated, Bert is back, baby, and shit’s getting real. Time for chaaaaaaaaaper sixteeeeeeeeeen.

CHAPTERS SIXTEEN AND SEVENTEEN

Today’s livereading soundtrack is Simple Things by Zero 7. The whole album, I mean. This is a fun little fact to make sure you’re still awake and aware, ‘cause I sure ain’t!

Roy Stallion of BRNZ is presumed dead, along with the whole team, so big RIP to May, who was cute and deserved better. Swear to God if ABRN are dead too I will kill a man. Two men, to be specific.

Velvet admits she never wanted to come to Vacuo, Coco promises they’ll return to reclaim Beacon in future. This reads like a protagonist’s last speech on hope and strength in friendship... and it should, as Coco gets swallowed by a worm! Straight up just down the hatch! This should be a tragic beat, but this is honestly so funny. Coco, pick better ways to die.

Anyway, we’re onto chapter seventeen. I was very kindly given this message:

And I-- OH HELL YES! HELL YES IT’S A SCHOOL DAY TIMETABLE!!!!!!!!!! THE LORE! THE CLASSES! THE NAMES! THE FACTS! THIS IS THE BEST THING IN THE ENTIRE BOOK SO FAR WHICH REALLY GOES TO SHOW I HAVE NO HOBBIES!

Is this a... flashback? Flash... forward? I’m not sure, actually. Either way, CFVY are in Beacon clearing the place of Grimm. Actually, this must be a flashback to before they went to Vacuo, I suppose, which would make sense to follow Velvet’s little admittance last chapter before Coco got swallowed like a paracetamol tablet.

Velvet waited for someone to ask her what she thought, what she wanted, by no one did.

Now I’m SAD why won’t people be NICE to VELVET just ONCE!!! God, this book really just gives her the short end of the stick every time.

Off go CFVY to Vacuo. Bye.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN AND EPILOGUE

Heremst we go.

Coco’s alive! I mean, no surprise. And full of the Joques as ever:

Coco figured sacrificing your life for a teammate was one way to be remembered as a good leader, but maybe that was just cheating.

RIP Coco and her claustrophobia! Hey, now that was good foreshadowing! That gets a whole Murphy Cookie of Approval. 🍪

Coco loses her Scroll and her hat, but Velvet swoops in to save the day! Meanwhile, Bert has been convinced that Carmine double-crossed him, so they’re battling it out! Basically, Gus cast frenzy. Finally, it works in everyone’s favour.

“I can’t believe I thought you were cute,” Coco spat.

Some lines in this book haven’t been very good. This one, on the other hand, very much is.

So Carmine goes underground and starts creating sinkholes everywhere like a weird desert gremlin, and Edward manages to block her Semblance and like. Carmine flat-out nearly suffocates herself to death. Another death I would have found both gruesome and hilarious for its irony. But Velvet uses Flynt’s trumpet to quite literally doot the sand away, and-- I’m so sorry, this line has me literally laughing to myself. She fuckin’-- doots the sand. Oh my god.

Anyway they win, catch up with Slate and the Nomad Fam, and meet team SSSN! The boys are back in town!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Things are looking good.

Epilogue time. I’m still laughing about the sand-dooting.

So, we don’t know who paid Bert and Carmine, I guess? I do believe there’s maybe a sequel or something in the works, apparently, so maybe this is part of an overarching plot type thingie. Still.

Ah, yep, Coco confirms that they’re not through with this line of investigation yet, But, Velvet wraps it up with a heart-felt, if not a little bit cheesy, segment about home being wherever CFVY is, and so the book comes to a close.

WRAP-UP

So, I’m definitely gonna have a second read-through of this without having to constantly stop and do a liveblog, but the book was... okay, I guess? I feel like this plotline wasn’t the greatest one for CFVY, and that the author doesn’t have a crazy good handle on the characters -- he’s likely more suited to original content, which is valid. It’s a good romp and we do get new lore, but as expected, I feel like CFVY would be best used in the show that conceived them in the first place. A book is nice, but I’d love to see their return in RWBY itself, especially since this book wasn’t really... long enough, I don’t think? Seriously, y’all’ve met me. I do write hundreds of thousands of words in this world and I still haven’t written everything I wanna yet! I’d also like to see more Velvet as seen in RWBY Chibi, in which was she Cool and Good, and maybe less Yatsu alongside her directly. But! It’s a book! It’s decent! It’s CFVY! For most people, it’s Good Enough. And they’re valid too.

[m00nslippers]

All of our questions were answered in RHATO #31! OR WERE THEY? (They weren’t, like at all.)

When we left off in #30, Jason was confronting the guy who claims to be Willis Todd in the basement of an abandoned creepy prison made over into some kind of drug distribution center/android factory/still a prison. That’s pretty much right where they pick up. Oh and also the cover says:

They really don’t, though. One guy dies. One. This cover was an outright lie. There are ZERO zombies in this issue! WHY WOULD YOU LIE TO ME LIKE THIS DC?

There’s a flashback of ‘Willis’ looking back on how Rebirth has gone so far and saying some pretty poignant stuff about how Gotham hasn’t treated Jason the way he deserves. I’m not going to lie, I’m really into the Jason as the promised son/savior allegories. The Damned Prince of Gotham is an iconic epithet.

THIS is where we left off, and we learn Willis is calling himself Solitary and starts calling Jason ‘son’ but Jay isn’t having it.

Jason, you’re like two or three years older than this kid. And you’ve been way worse than kidnapped when you were way younger. Seriously, it’s like he doesn’t even realize he’s traumatized.

ALSO, JayMig, you guys. He’s LEGAL. Ship ship ship ship ship....(it’s okay if you don’t get on my ship I’m just going to be weird over here in this corner...)

Solitary: You missed me! *crowbar wooshes past him* Jason: I ain’t missed nuthin’! *crowbar hits Bunker’s prison-vat* Solitary: Ulp! (no he literally said ulp! in one panel.) Jason: You’ve been bamboozled, SON!

Classic Jason Todd.

I guess Solitary can control perception? I thought he was literally just omnipresent like he was literally everywhere and nowhere. That’s what he said to Ma Gunn, his ‘mother’. But whatever. This is Lobdell, he forgets what he’s doing halfway through doing it and just starts doing something else entirely.

Bunker is Mexican, if you guys didn’t know. It actually makes some sense that he’s here. in Mexico. Also, canonically gay.

( Ship ship ship ship ship )

Technically I’m not sure they actually met in that comic. It was a crossover event in New 52, Roy and Starfire and the Teen Titans (including Bunker) fought zombies, or something while Tim and Jason were captured by the Joker and Jason actually got to show off a little by psyching out the Joker and shooting him while blindfolded and breaking him and Tim out of trouble after getting kidnapped (those two sure do get kidnapped a lot when they are together...)

Also, SUPER REFRESHING for a hero to run into the Red Hood and be all, “Hey man, let’s be friends!” instead of immediately belike “What!? The Red Hood? Yuck, you’re a bad guy! Imma fight you!”

Dog has been around for 2 issues and she’s already the most useful teammate Jason has ever had. Jason and Dog, besties forever!

You really didn’t though, Jay. We have no idea who this guy is, how he got your old costume, what he wants or why he’s here. All we know is he wants you to go back to Gotham.

WHY CAN’T YOU BE HONEST WITH US!? WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?

They were fighting right before this panel, and the fight was pretty good too, they seem to be evenly matched in terms of fighting ability. Maybe Wingman was slightly better, but Jason had a Doggo on his side so it evened out.

Unrelated, but I actually like this artist and what they are doing, everything looks really clean, the action is very readable and the anatomy is excellent, I’m not a fan of Jason’s haircut but luckily we already know he gets his longer hair back in an issue or two, thank god.

Solitary comes out as Jason’s dad. Apparently when he was in prison he volunteered for some experiments on people’s minds to try to get out early. We saw a little of this foreshadowed like ten issues ago. The experiments were done with tech stolen from Lex Luthor, so he hired Artemis to go fuck them up for stealing it and using it on people. In the fight it messed Wilis up and combined his mind with a few other inmates into his body or something. So that’s what happened to him.

I think it’s trying to be implied that this prison Jason is at where Solitary is operating out of was literally the prison where it all happened, but there are a few problems with that, namely 1) they don’t send American prisoners to Mexican prisons, and 2) that prison had water around it in the panels where it showed it happening and this prison is in the middle of a dessert so who knows what’s going on here.

Okay, so a Gotham thug getting a batman tattoo after coming out of a fight with him without going to prison is the kind of thing a Gotham thug would totally brag about. “See this scar? I got it from Batman, yo! And then I got a bat tattoo to commemorate it!”

Guess what though, Willis/Solitary doesn’t have the tattoo. SOLITARY ISN’T HIS DAD. Maybe this guy thinks he’s Willis but he’s actually not, he just has his memories or perceptions or whatever. He was one of the minds combined into this dude. This explains why Jason walked right past him more than once, he wasn’t really his dad (although with ‘perception’ powers it wouldn't actually have mattered even if he was). Jason has so many shitty wannabe dads it’s crazy. Batman, Solitary, Joker, Ra’s, get in line, folks.

Jason straight up kills this guy, no flinching. I love how Jason is so matter of fact about everything in this issue, Solitary says he’s his dad, and Jason is just like, “Okay, no, and I can prove it.” No melodramatic gasps or anything.

It amazes me that people seem to think Jason is so overemotional and angry all the time, and can’t get anything done because he’s too busy being mad, when he does shit like this without making any kind of deal about it or shouting or anything. Jason gets angry and emotional about ONE THING, and that’s his ACTUAL FAMILY BEING SHITTY TO HIM. A.K.A batfam stuff. Pretty much whenever he’s actually mad, and acting crazy it’s justified, he’s in serious emotional distress. He’s not some super angry murder boy all the time! I mean, he does murder people...but not because he’s just angry, it’s always a calculated move.

A slight time skip (a week).

*cries* WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!?

I think Lobdell is as pissed off as we are that Roy was killed off in a stupid way for stupid drama. Because he’s been really selling us Jason being super sad and messed up about it and even tried to give him a good send off in the Annual. Like, I complain a lot about Lobdell, but at least I think he actually likes Jason and tries to do right by him in his stories, he’s just really scatterbrained about storylines sometimes. Like he needs someone to say, “Yeah, maybe not this, but this stuff is good.” That’s kind of the comics industry in general though, they don’t have anyone making sure characters act in character. They need someone vetoing some of the more stupid ideas, but they don’t seem to have any of that.

The New Outlaws! Red Hood, Bunker, Dog and Wingman.

Wingman is...some old guy. We see his face but it’s no one obvious. Clearly he has some connection to Jason. But he’s definitely not Roy, unless something REALLY weird is going on.

I still think there’s a good chance that he’s a future Jason from another dimension. But there’s also a chance that he’s Jason’s REAL FATHER since we know Solitary wasn’t. Hell, maybe he’s got the same powers Solitary had and it was him who went to see Ma Gunn before because she seemed pretty sure that guy was really Willis Todd, and he’s changing how he looks so Jay won’t know. We’ll see I guess.

And Bunker is just like, oh, you’re gonna go back to Gotham, fuck up Penguin and take all his stuff and start running a mob? I’m down. I don’t know his character (except that Lobdell created him and purposefully made him not angsty), I’m going to have to read some old Teen Titans, but I’m into it so far. He’s just super puppy-like, helpful, “I don’t know what’s happening but let’s be friends!” I can imagine Jason just blinking at him and being like, “Just...what even are you? Why are you so nice?! Why do you even like me!? Why are you even here!?” Miguel, all like, *shrug* “You saved my life and you’re hot?” Jason, “...well that’s a reason, I guess.”

YEEEEES. Tell me the old costume is making a come back! Also, Jason in a Trench Coat is the shit. He looks so sexy, you guys. I’m so ready for Mob Boss Jason. And Miguel is his gay right hand lover I mean man. YES.

( Ship ship ship ship ship )

Yeah, I’m getting so many “Wingman is from the future” vibes right now. He’s either Jason himself or someone he knows, but from the future/another dimension. Or maybe he can see the future.

Well, that was it. It was pretty good even if I was raising my eyebrows a few times at all the NOT explaining we were getting. I’m actually kind of excited for next issue though, you guys! Jason is going to mess up Penguin and take the Ice Burg Lounge, I’m so up for this!

[garden-ghoul]

I finally remembered DURING the weekend to record my notes on Sourcery! In this one you can hear me: enjoying doing a Rincewind voice. Clocks in at 19:26 (I’m going to start putting in episode length because it seems like the kind of thing people will like to know.) Transcript under the cut.

HELLO and welcome to episode 4 of what I am now calling “It’s Yelling All the Way Down.” Because it just seemed a bit egotistical to ascribe critical analysis to myself. This week* I’ve drawn the number 5, which means we’re reading Sourcery. With a U. Before reading this book I did not remember a single thing about it except that the main character is perhaps… a sorcerer? And is named Coin. Also according to the summary this is a Rincewind book, the first one since The Light Fantastic. I think he might have died in that one. But no matter, he’s back!

A bit about wizards, before we begin:

We’ve already seen witches, who are my favorites. Pratchett was fond of saying “if men were witches, they would be wizards,” which I think is supposed to be a comment on how men are socialized to be self-important and relatively useless and ask for more credit than they deserve? Although it could just be gender essentialism. Anyway, that’s what wizards do. We very briefly met some in Jingo, where as you might recall they were extorting money from the city-state under threat of magical mayhem. We’ll see more of exactly that in this book! Let’s get right to it.

Now, on Earth (or Roundworld, as it is sometimes called), specifically in England, seven is considered to be a magical number. So much so that whoever perpetrated ROY G BIV (Newton, maybe?) invented several colors just so a rainbow would have seven of them. On the Disc there is an eighth color, inspired by the extra little echoey bit on the inside of a rainbow that is both green AND purple; this color is called octarine. That’s not what the introduction is about, it’s about the eighth son of an eighth son, who of course has become a wizard. But I’m sure it will come up, and then we’ll be prepared, won’t we?

Now this eighth son of an eighth son, he had seven sons, each one from the cradle at least as powerful as any wizard in the world.

And then he had an eighth son...

A wizard squared. A source of magic.

A sourcerer.

We join this double-eight wizard with his young eighth son on the shingle, where he’s having a chat with DEATH. DEATH is a friendly sort. Likes cats. Very little patience with wizards who are trying to create a magical destiny for babies. Because all prophecies require loopholes, the double-eight wizard prophesies that his son will become the mightiest and everyone will bow before him, et cetera et cetera, UNLESS… he throws his staff away. And then the wizard gets struck by lightning and as he dies he puts his soul into the staff. The kid also got struck by lightning but he’s fine. As you may have guessed, this kid is our protagonist, Coin, the sourcerer.

Cut to Unseen University, on the eve of the appointment of a new arch-chancellor. The books in the library are uneasy. The university seems to be sinking. The rats, mice, ants, and even the gargoyles off the roof are abandoning ship. Rincewind and the Librarian seem to be the only wizards who have noticed, although as we are told Rincewind is so bad at wizardry that he’s actually worse than non-wizards. One wonders how he was admitted to the university, because he doesn’t seem rich. Is it just that EVERY eighth son gets in because it makes them A Wizard? Anyway, he’s an assistant librarian (honorary) so he invites the Librarian out for drinks just to get him out of the University.

This means they’re going to miss the arch-chancellor accession feast, which is probably for the best because Coin is going to be there, and you can bet his dad’s been whispering in his ear about what ought to be done to the rest of the wizards who kicked him out. Indeed, he walks right in and challenges the most powerful immediately available wizard to a magical duel, lets him do a party trick, and then vaporizes him. He’s ten, and is set up as a Creepy Child: he stares through people rather than looking at them, talks a bit like an encyclopedia, and clearly hasn’t heard of ethics. The wizards immediately accept him as their arch-chancellor, realizing that it will be incredibly easy to manipulate this kid into doing whatever they want by making him think he has the sort of power that matters.

Lots of good mentions here of how wizards instinctively distrust each other; wizard politics; assassinations; mind games. Nevertheless, two wizards have made a cautious alliance to deal with the threat Coin represents. Spelter, the Bursar and a fifth level wizard; and Carding, an eighth-level wizard (that’s the highest level).

Let us leave them there for a moment to follow the thief who has stolen the arch-chancellor’s hat, which seems to be a talking hat and actually quite keen to be stolen. This thief has tracked down Rincewind, the only readily apparent wizard outside of the university, and is trying to kidnap him for some kind of dangerous wizard mission, under threat of death. The mission is to bring the arch-chancellor’s hat to Klatch, where “there is someone fit to wear us.” There’s a brief misadventure where the hat is stolen, apparently to show off that it can kill people on its own just fine. It’s pretty clear that the hat is full of wizards in the same way Coin’s staff is full of his awful dad, setting us up for a battle of evil and evil: there are plenty of battles in which neither side is correct.

A bit about the thief: her name is Conina, and in my opinion far too much is being made of her looks. She has an apparently hereditary urge to murder, basically a hair trigger with throwing knives, which is unfortunate for her because she wants to be a hairdresser. She can’t see the tools of the trade without imagining doing a murder with them. I was pretty into this whole high fantasy parody thing Pratchett was doing until he started parodying sexist tropes by, uh, just straight up putting sexist tropes in his book. Not his finest hour.

At the university, most of the wizards are enjoying all the extra magic pouring out of Coin. They can do exciting spells now! As soon as Coin starts doing exciting spells, though, they remember they’re afraid of him. He appearifies the Patrician—good old Vetinari, who hasn’t yet been characterized beyond being the sort of person who says “what is the meaning of this?”—and turns him into a lizard. Because wizards should rule the city, you see? Not people who understand politics. Coin has a very ten-year-old understanding of what it means to rule. One imagines him ruling so thoroughly that all he has left is a bunch of lizards and then I’m sure he’d feel rather foolish.

The wizards take their cues from Coin and go out to terrorize the city, and they seem to have a great time. But wizards, like everyone else, fundamentally want certainty and familiarity in their lives. And Coin is scaring them. At this point we start to wonder to what extent Coin’s mind actually is his own, because he’s saying incredibly ominous grown-up things like “who among you has been into your dark library these past few days? The magic is inside you now, not imprisoned between covers. Is that not a joyous thing?” You know, sort of cognitively, one doesn’t expect a ten-year-old either to speak like this or to be this single-minded. It’s worrying. Is he okay? What thoughts does he think?

In the oppressively quiet darkness of night in a university under new rule, Spelter hears someone quietly crying. When he looks into the room Coin is on the bed sobbing while his staff whispers to him. The next day “Coin” announces that they’re going to burn down the library, 90,000 books, many of them sentient. Spelter barely manages to tell the librarian, who’s barricaded in, before he comes across the staff and it vaporizes him.

Let’s see what Conina and Rincewind are up to. Oh, getting attacked by pirates! Conina murders a whole bunch of them but some do make off with the hat, so when they land she decides they ought to go somewhere in port they can get attacked by The Criminal Element. This will allow them to get information or something. Look, Conina just wants to get in a fight, and I can respect that.

I also want to check in with Rincewind because I think the way he’s written is pretty interesting. His psyche seems very uncomplicated: at most times he’s just thinking about how he can avoid getting attacked and get as far away from danger as possible. And being racist about how they don’t do things proper in Al Khali. But we get occasional interjections from his conscience and, now, his libido, which gives the feeling that he works hard to suppress any thoughts he feels are foreign to his lifestyle. Pratchett reinforces this foreignness by portraying them as voices Rincewind doesn’t recognize. He has a suspicion that he’s falling in love, but doesn’t like it. He only has physiological symptoms, as far as I can tell. So we get this picture of a person completely out of tune not only with his body but with his mind as well, who has worn such a deep psychological groove of habit that he can’t conceive of climbing out of it.

Anyway, Conina and Rincewind are kidnapped by the ruler of the city, who is called a Seriph because heaven forbid Sir Terry let any small detail go un-pastiched. The Seriph’s grand vizier has possession of the arch-chancellor’s hat and is aware that it’s dangerous, because it told him. Also he’s evil, because a grand vizier’s got to be evil. He imprisons our heroes I guess, but very shortly afterward the amount of ambient magic skyrockets and there are a ton of wizards from Unseen University there! Halfway across the Disc! The vizier turns up, having had his mind taken over by the arch-chancellor’s hat and declaring that wizards are taking back what’s theirs from sourcerers. I like this, we have two opposing magical forces, both figureheaded by humas but in fact ruled by inanimate objects with echoes of dead minds inside.

And, yes, just a few pages later Rincewind states one of the major themes of the book! 

“That’s what you people never understand,” said Rincewind, wearily. “You think magic is just something you can pick up and use, but the truth is, magic uses people.  It affects you as much as you affect it, sort of thing. You can’t mess around with magical things without it affecting you.”

After hearing so much about the thousand-year, horrifyingly destructive Mage Wars, it’s pretty clear that magic isn’t just magic here. Any kind of power corrupts, and if in this book it happens to corrupt not because of human nature but because of its own malice—well, that’s metaphors for you. Anyway Rincewind and company escape on a magic flying carpet, which is using him as a conduit to fly itself, per usual.

Then we get this honestly really cool scene where the fleeing heroes are camped out on a beach watching spells streaking across the sky like meteors over the Circle Sea: the hat’s tower in Al Khali doing battle with Coin’s tower in Ankh. Shockwaves ripple across them, and in his sleep Rincewind is trying to build a tower, which seems to be some kind of wizardly instinct. As soon as he can he steals the flying carpet and absent-mindedly heads for Ankh-Morpork because he thinks of it as his home base. Over the ocean we see other wizards’ towers springing up everywhere: they’re all joining in the war. I love this sort of distant apocalypse imagery, the contrast between the peace of a totally uninhabited area and the massive devastation that from far away looks kind of pretty. Here at the end of all things.

Rincewind returns to a city totally unlike the one he left: gleaming white marble, fountains, and not a single soul. Smoke boils up from the university’s tower, which is slagged and melted but still firing off terrifying magic at the tower in the next city-state over. And the library, where Rincewind spent a lot of very happily boring time as an assistant librarian, lies in ashes. Rincewind goes  into the tower. The flashes of magic illuminate the librarian and many of his 90,000 books, which flew in to take shelter when the library burned. He tells Rincewind to put a stop to all this sourcery, seeing as Rincewind seems to be the only other wizard who hasn’t gone mad with power (the reason being, he hasn’t got any). And obviously the librarian has his books to tend to. So Rincewind puts a half-brick in a sock and starts up the tower.

In the top of the tower the Ankh wizards defeat Quirm, and then when the hat is momentarily distracted, they defeat Al Khali too. But Coin is still an open doorway through which magic pours into the world. “Can you hear them?” asks Carding. “You’re pouring sourcery into the world and other things are coming with it.” I have always liked this image, of a great number of terrible things just barely compelled to stay outside of the circle of the universe, and being invited in when too much magic is used. For a moment the staff is indisposed horribly murdering Carding and Coin is uncertain, upset that a man is dead. Then it returns to his hands and he says: let’s fight the gods. I was expecting it to be a bit more of a thing but he settles it in about a paragraph: we’ll just put them inside this bubble, there we are. Just then Rincewind staggers up over the edge of the tower, swinging his half-brick. His exchange with Coin is… absolutely delightful. They’re at exact opposite ends of the wizard spectrum.

“I have come,” said Rincewind thickly, “to challenge the sourcerer. Which one is he?” He surveyed the prostrate wizardry, hefting the half-brick in one hand. 

One of the wizards risked a glance upwards and made frantic eyebrow movements at Rincewind who, even at the best of times, wasn’t much good at interpreting non-verbal communication. This wasn’t the best of times.

“With a sock?” said Coin. “What good is a sock?” 

The arm holding the staff rose. Coin looked down at it in mild astonishment. “No, stop,” he said. “I want to talk to this man.” He stared at Rincewind, who was swaying back and forth under the influence of sleeplessness, horror and the after-effects of an adrenaline overdose. “Is it magical?” he said, curiously. “Perhaps it is the sock of an Archchancellor? A sock of force?”

Rincewind focused on it. “I don’t think so,” he said. “I think I bought it in a shop or something. Um. I’ve got another one somewhere.”

“But in the end it has something heavy?”

“Um. Yes,” said Rincewind. He added, “It’s a half-brick.”

“But it has great power.”

“Er. You can hold things up with it. If you had another one, you’d have a brick.” Rincewind spoke slowly. He was assimilating the situation by a kind of awful osmosis, and watching the staff turn ominously in the boy’s hand.

“So. It is a brick of ordinariness, within a sock. The whole becoming a weapon.”

“Um. Yes.”

“How does it work?”

“Um. You swing it, and then you. Hit something with it.”

The staff tells Coin to kill Rincewind, but Coin is hesitant, because Rincewind looks like “an angry rabbit,” and is probably harmless. “Why should I do everything you tell me?” says Coin to the staff. “I always do everything you tell me, and it doesn’t help people at all.” Basically it’s like asking a kid to murder a clown. He’s so funny! Why should I kill him!

The staff tortures him a bit. Might I remind you: his ten-year-old son. Rincewind thinks this is a bit much and whacks the staff out of his hand with the half-brick-in-sock. He actually steps in front of Coin to defend him from the staff, even though bravery and altruism are really not his thing. And Coin catches the staff, and throws it away. It comes back, of course, and they do battle. All the wizards are terrified, and Rincewind looks around accusingly at the wizards who won’t help this ten-year-old fighting for his life and the fate of reality itself. All we see of Rincewind’s intervention is his seared hat floating gently to the ground.

He and Coin wake up on the cold black sand of the Dungeon Dimension, staring at the backs of the Things that are trying to break into the universe. The staff has been melted and Rincewind decides to be a real hero one more time and attack the Things with a sock full of sand as a distraction so Coin can get out of there. Which he does. And then the door closes, and Rincewind is stuck in the Dungeon Dimension. We’ll see him again later, don’t worry.

As a minor footnote, the apocalypse is happening out there. It’s a Norse-style apocalypse: the gods have vanished, so ice giants are taking over the world. The librarian gets the pearl full of all the gods and sort of throws it and they come out and reverse the apocalypse, I guess. And then Coin undoes everything he did, and I THINK he also erases everyone’s memory of the very brief Mage War. And because he’s lost and alone and doesn’t know what he wants at all… he steps out of the universe, into a simpler, nicer one. A small universe with a garden. And the door closes behind him.

The book ends in the library, where the books have come back to roost and it’s warm and quiet. The librarian has put Rincewind’s hat in a minor ceremonial niche, because “a wizard will ALWAYS come back for his hat.” Listen, I think the librarian might be a bit sweet on Rincewind. It’s very cute.

So, thus ends the book! This one doesn’t have a whole lot of themes since the main purpose of it is to be a fun fantasy adventure with an absolutely kicking climax. I’d say the main one is that Sir Terry vastly prefers consistency to excitement and that war is bad. Oh, hey, that’s a lot like the last one, isn’t it? And there’s also a bit of a warning about how allowing yourself to have power is always a very dangerous balancing game. Humans always have to be careful not to forget how dangerous it is to have power, and how the only way to use it even a little bit well is to think scrupulously of the masses of normal people your actions affect. I feel like he’d agree with my (rather unwilling) stance on Ethical Anxiety. Which is to say, he might understand why I am constantly extremely anxious about taking ethical actions. 

Today’s thought, Shabbat shalom, is to ask yourself how you are using the power you have, and ask yourself where you get your ethics: your parents? Your friends? The news? Which news? That’s all for now. This has been It’s Yelling All the Way Down, intro and end music is TOKiMONSTA’s “Hungry Stomach.” Bye!

[twentyonepilotsficlibrary]

Miscellaneous Fandoms Fic Rec Masterlist

This is something new we’re trying out. In our admin group chat we all started talking about our other fandoms/pairings we read and thought it might be fun to share some of our favorite fics. 

I know not everyone will be into this idea but i think it’s easily ignored if it’s not your cup of tea. Otherwise we hope you enjoy this mess of fics, maybe you’ll find yourself a new pairing, or maybe you’ll get inspired to write Joshler. 

we hope you enjoy! 

**this will be a long post**

Madi’s recs

Teen Wolf - Sterek (Stiles Stilinski & Derek Hale)

Cornerstone by Vendelin (6/6 | 83738 | Explicit)

Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else.

//PTSD //anxiety attacks 

No Homo by orphan_account (12/12 | 84092 | Explicit)

Stiles' sophomore year starts something like this: 3 FourLokos + 1 peer-pressuring cat - 1 best bro to end all best bros = 1 Craigslist ad headline that reads "str8 dude - m4m - strictly platonic". Derek is the fool who replies.

//internalized homophobia 

We Got Claws by Onlymystory (15/15 | 34914 | Mature)

Peter, Isaac, and Scott get de-aged. Stiles and Derek take care of them.

Harry Potter - Drarry (Harry Potter & Draco Malfoy)

Open For Repairs by FeelsForBreakfast (1/1 | 34901 | Mature)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things.

feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

There's a Pure-Blood Custom For That byLomonaaeren (36/36 | 105549 | Mature) 

The day that Harry stops Draco Malfoy and his son from being bothered in the middle of Diagon Alley starts a strange series of interactions between him and Malfoy. Who knew there was a pure-blood custom for every situation?

Transfigurations by Resonant (1/1 | 71284 | Explicit)

Five years after Voldemort's defeat, Harry returns to England to help re-open Hogwarts.

//major character death 

IT - Reddie (Richie Tozier & Eddie Kaspbrak)

Yours Truly by Buttercup12 (14/14 | 51414 | Mature)

Eddie Kaspbrak has it bad. He’s bullied for being a tiny, delicate, hypochondriac boy. He’s also bullied for being very, very, very gay. Long story short, his life isn’t the easiest.

However, that’s all a piece of cake when compared to his gigantic, pathetic crush on Derry High’s most popular and oh so very straight Trashmouth, Richie Tozier.

Richie has no idea he even exists.

Right?

Wrong.

ugly moon by weepies (27/27 | 79482 | Teen and Up)

Richie Tozier hasn’t spoken a word to anybody since he came to Derry in the middle of the school year. Until he talks to Eddie Kaspbrak.

//abuse mention

----------------------

Christie’s recs

Harry Potter - Drarry (Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter)

Turn by Saras_Girl (14/14 | 306,708 | Explicit)

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

All Our Secrets Laid Bare by firethesound (16/16 | 149,549 | Explicit)

Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on.

South Park - Creek (Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak)

Do Not Try This At Home by Marasa (6/? | 32,100 | Mature)

A post is made that night detailing the rules of their arrangement:

• Video must be taken of the event.

• Video must be uploaded.

• Turns will be taken; after one group uploads, the other must upload as answer to the original post. This ensures equal stunts and higher expectations with each stunt.

• Don’t half-ass it; this is a fucking competition!

//depression //anxiety //past abuse //drug use

The Roommate by DoAsYouWill (27/? | 277,882 | Mature)

Craig is off to college, where he is introduced to the weirdest person he's ever met. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, (Craig can't decide), that weirdest person is his roommate.

Just your typical cliche 'meet as roommates' story, but with a lot of nostalgic undertones.

Deadpool - Cablepool (Wade Wilson/Nathan Summers)

Incognito by CQHD (Comet_Kohoutek) (2/2 | 5,810 | Explicit)

Deadpool introduces Cable to porn.

The video, Deadpool realises belatedly, is way too quiet. There's no cheesy bass line that gets stuck in his head and makes him feel each pulse in his dick. There's just the soft rustling of clothes against skin as the man strips. It's got an aesthetic to it, but it doesn't stop Deadpool from hearing the catch in Cable's breath once the man steps out of his underwear and crawls on to the desk. 

Toaster by edy (1/1 | 3,339 | Mature)

If someone were to strap you in and measure your heart rate, it wouldn't be a surprise to anyone to find it'd be beating in time with his own heart. The notion is meant to be romantic, as is customary in romances, and you think it might be romantic if an uneven heart rate wasn't a sign of a serious health condition.

//suicidal thoughts 

----------------------

Sydney’s Recs

South Park 

Do Not Try This At Home by Marasa (6/? || 32,100 || Mature)

A post is made that night detailing the rules of their arrangement:

• Video must be taken of the event.

• Video must be uploaded.

• Turns will be taken; after one group uploads, the other must upload as answer to the original post. This ensures equal stunts and higher expectations with each stunt.

• Don’t half-ass it; this is a fucking competition!

// depression, anxiety, past abuse, drug use

A Perfect Love Like Craig and Tweek by ugandadistrict9 (1/1 || 3,783 || Teen and Up Audiences)

Tweek and Craig have been close for a few years, and everyone says that they’re dating, but Craig has neither confirmed or denied it. Tweek has developed strong feelings for Craig over the time, but is worried that Craig doesn’t feel the same way he does.

Homicidal Maniac by Maroonedpunk (3/3 || 17,654 || Teen and Up Audiences)

They called him a homicidal maniac for years.

Then came the allegations against the coffee shop.

Tweek can’t do this by himself.

// depression, anxiety, drug use, mental illness

Spirit Animals by hollycomb (1/1 || 22,191 || Not Rated)

Cartman wants to film his amateur ghost hunting show at the site of the grisly McCormick massacre. Stan hates the idea but he can’t stay away, because Kyle will be there.

✓✓ Read by Boyue (16/16 || 65,196 || Teem and Up Audiences)

WENDY Nice picture but you have the wrong number.

AKA how Stan Marsh met Kyle Broflovski through a dick pic mishap.

// depression, alcoholism, derogatory language

Detriot: Become Human (Gavid Reed/RK900)

Chrysopoeian Heart by feistymuffin (6/? || 22,826 || Explicit)

Chrysopoeia - the act of transmuting a substance into gold

Gavin doesn’t like androids… but then again, nothing’s written in stone.

// graphic depictions of violence

Still by Terminallydepraved (1/1 || 4,277 || Explicit)

Sometimes it takes someone else nearly dying to make you realize the important things.

Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way by ConsultingStag (5/6 || 7701 || Mature)

Gavin stares at RK900 and regrets it immediately as its gray gaze bores into him. LED spinning yellow. Dissecting what happened. Analyzing the clues in front of it. And then a perfectly fake eyebrow lifts and equally fake lips twitch into a tiny smirk and Gavin knows that he is fucked. 

----------------------

Cade’s Recs 

Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia - Macdennis (Mac/Dennis Reynolds)

a beachfront of bad blood by castielanderson (1/1 | 28,366 | Mature)

or alternatively “Dennis Tries to Kill Himself: MacDennis Remix” Originally for the 2017 MacDennis Big Bang, but alas

.

They don’t have a falling out so much as a slowly drifting apart.  Being a dad makes Dennis tired, so tired sometimes he feels like he might never have energy again, and that means that he stops checking in with Mac as often.  Eventually, they stop talking.  Mac gets a boyfriend.  Dennis stops taking his medication.

After Dennis attempts suicide, Mandy insists he return to Philadelphia with the gang, and she will follow with Brian Jr. when she can.  Faced with an unwanted recovery, a failed family, and feelings he would rather ignore, Dennis is forced to navigate uncharted waters within himself and within his relationship with Mac.

//rape/non-con //suicide attempt //self-harm //eating disorders //depression

Fullmetal Alchemist - Royed (Edward Elric/Roy Mustang)

Reverti Ad Praeteritum by Batsutousai (30/30 | 288,908 | Mature)

Unwillingly forced to serve as a human trial for a crazy alchemist experimenting with time travel, Edward Elric finds himself standing across from Truth in the moment it takes his leg from him. Armed with the knowledge of what's to come and burdened with guilt for the choices he'd made as an adult, Ed sets out to fix every mistake he ever made and save every life they ever lost, no matter what it takes.

//underage //implied/referenced dubious consent //violence 

Know the Difference by ShanaStoryteller (1/1 | 9,083 | Teen)

“You’ve heard the rumors,” Mustang says, looking at Ed over the top of his latest report, “about the angels.”

Ed scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Angels don’t exist, don’t be ridiculous.”

“Of course, of course,” he murmurs, gaze sliding back down, “There have been multiple eye witness accounts, however.”

Ed slouches into the chair and doesn’t bother to keep the contempt to from his voice when he says, “Don’t depend on anything with wings to save you. Things that were made to leave always end up doing so, in the end.”

“Yes, well,” he says, “sometimes they come back.”

a terrifying clamour of trumpets by ShanaStoryteller (1/1 | 12,194 | Teen)

Edward grabs Marcoh’s arm and says, “That stone – what can it heal, exactly?”

The old man’s eyebrows rise to his forehead, and he looks like he already knows the answer when he goes, “Why do you ask, Edward?”

There's no metallic footsteps so there’s no way Al’s close enough to hear them. “I’m sick,” he admits after another moment of deliberation.

The Codeine Scene by Xyriath (31/31 | 111,257 | Explicit)

After finding himself entangled with King Bradley's gang of criminals and no way out, Roy Mustang must struggle between balancing his morals and the need to keep himself alive. He walks a thin rope, and a chance meeting of a young man, addicted to drugs and forced into prostitution, complicates matters further. By all rights, he should consider Edward to be collateral damage, an unfortunate bystander in his already difficult situation, but this is one person Roy soon finds he can't leave behind.

//rape/non-con //forced prostitution //drug addiction //mentions of suicide //mentions of depression 

Fullmetal Alchemist - Edling (Edward Elric/Ling Yao)

Nothing Gold by Rydia (ungarmax) (1/1 | 22,219 | Teen)

Ling has gained immortality. Ed has not.

//major character death

----------------------

Bard’s Recs

Bastille - Dyle (Dan Smith/Kyle Simmons)

and in the morning you'll be stranded in love (it goes around and around)by brujay (1/1 | 15,717 | Teen)

“Have you seen Groundhog Day?”

Kyle took a moment before replying. “I have… what exactly are you trying to say, here?”

Dan sighed again. “I think I’m living it.” Dan gets trapped in a time loop, and he is not having a good time.

//panic attacks

argonautica orpheus by trailsofpaper (Sanwall) (note: it is private, you can only read if you have an account but it’s too good to not share) (6/6 | 17,478 | M)

Kyle, like Jason on the Argos, sets out on a journey to retrieve something important but, more importantly, he finds love along the way. Dan, unlike Orpheus, doesn’t look back.

(Dan and Kyle are flatmates in Leeds, but when Kyle wrecks his keyboard a week before he and Dan are about to enter a competition, they need to go to London to get another keyboard. Complications and even shenanigans ensue.)

Harry Potter - Drarry (Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter)

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (1/1 | 40,913 | Explicit)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life. Which makes you think this story has something exciting like body-swapping, but it doesn’t. Instead it has Indian takeaway and a blue jumper and people wanting a whole lot of what they can’t have, discovering themselves as they discover each other.

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (4/4 | 114,741 | M)

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

Buzzfeed Unsolved - Shyan (Shane Madej/Ryan Bergara)

i think i'm still turning out by the_tenerife_sea (1/1 | 6,325 | General)

Shane is starting to think Ryan is using him for his baby, considering how much he’s already talked her up to all of their coworkers and friends. ____

Or the one where Shane is a new parent, and Ryan is always there for him (and his daughter, of course).

[fashiontrendin-blog]

Kieran Culkin's Shirt Is Off

https://fashion-trendin.com/kieran-culkins-shirt-is-off/

Kieran Culkin's Shirt Is Off

When Kieran Culkin first started reading the script for “Succession,” he wondered whether it had been sent to the wrong person. The HBO powers that be originally thought he’d be a good fit for the character of Greg, a bumbling nitwit who gets high in his first scene and spends the rest of the first season failing to sidle his way up the ladder of a massive media and entertainment conglomerate owned by his great-uncle, Logan Roy.

Almost from Greg’s first line, Culkin knew he was wrong for the part. “He’s already a lot younger than I am, and just the voice ― I was, like, this is not me. I am not right for this.”

When I met Culkin at a small restaurant in the Noho neighborhood of Manhattan last Monday, it was just as clear to me as it was to him that he’s too old to play a character like Greg. But something in the Roy family’s dark saga held Culkin’s attention anyway. He said he kept reading the script, which follows the foibles of the billionaire Roy clan as its individual members vie for power within. A few pages later, Logan’s overconfident third son, Roman, appears, led into a meeting by a man hired explicitly to burn sage.

“Hey, hey, motherfuckers!” Roman proclaims to a room full of his father’s business associates.

“And I was, like, ‘Oh, who’s this fucking guy?’” Culkin said.

Culkin eventually got the part of Roman, an incompetent and lazy man-child who believes he wholly deserves the title of chief operating officer, even though he has little interest in doing any of the work that comes with it. Among the many nefarious faces that make up Logan’s Waystar Royco empire, Roman stands out as perhaps its most cynical ― a ratings-obsessed media executive motivated solely by profit. At one point, in his interpretation of corporate disruption, he takes off his shirt in a meeting, flexing and joyfully screaming “Blood!” at the thought of layoffs. During another, he gleefully tells his sister about a new viral video that is “evidence of precisely the kind of disgusting, liberal, metro butt-love that makes our viewership angry enough to buy pharmaceuticals.” To Roman, nothing could be better.

Culkin can’t say exactly what drew him to the morally depraved heir, described by his father as a “moron” and his brother as a “walking fucking lawsuit.” But it’s not hard to imagine some small part of Culkin was intrigued by the idea of playing such a sneering member of a media empire.

After all, Culkin’s distaste for the tabloid industry is beyond well-established. (“No matter what’s written there, it’s a total lie, even the person’s name, lie, lie, lie, lie, everything’s a lie,” he once told New York Magazine.)

But let’s not lump Culkin into that hyperpartisan Level 10 “FAKE NEWS” category of 2018 American paranoia. Mostly because when he told me “Now it’s a thing, ‘fake news,’” and I said, jokingly, “Fake news. You’re a believer,” he got nervous and pushed out a quick “no,” immediately realizing the millions of different ways such a quote could be aggregated, recirculated, quoted out of context and otherwise misinterpreted. You can almost see it now, can’t you? “Kieran Culkin Joins the Chorus: Media Is ‘Fake News.’”

Culkin’s distrust is of a more justifiable form, born out of a lifetime of his surname showing up in headline-grabbing tabloid fodder. From the moment his parents, Kit “The father from hell” Culkin and Patricia Brentrup, entered into an ugly, obsessively covered custody battle to when the National Enquirer proclaimed his eternally famous brother, Macaulay, had “6 Months to Live” in 2012 (he’s still alive), Culkin’s last name has served as a way to move and make paper ― the most intimate moments of his life repackaged as factually questionable entertainment content to sell ads against. 

Ron Galella via Getty Images

Macaulay and Kieran Culkin at the fifth annual American Comedy Awards back in 1991, just months after the release of the blockbuster hit “Home Alone.”

“There are things that are out there in the world as fact because it was written in print that are just completely false. My brother did not divorce his parents. They did not fight over his money,” he said. “But that’s out in the world as fact.

“I learned at a very young age to be, like, ‘Oh, I get it: It’s bullshit,’ shit that’s written in print.”

In person, Culkin ticks most of the boxes of adulthood: In his 30s. Takes his coffee black. Enjoys talking about his favorite East Village dives. Married five years. Nice watch. Clothes that fit. Hair slicked around his head just so. Like Roman, Culkin drops a “fuck” or “shit” every ninth word or so, as when he said to me, “Hold on, I’m going to eat the fuck out of these pickles. You say something for a minute, ’cause I’ve got a mouth full of shit.”

But no matter how many fucks he lets out ― and by my count, he let out around 25 over 40 minutes ― Culkin remains stuck with a membership to the official Former Child Actors club. Macaulay, or Mac, if you’re in the know, was always the main draw ― history’s most famous kid actor without a drink named after him. But Kieran was there too, in “Home Alone” and “Home Alone 2.” He found himself on the stage of “Saturday Night Live” before the age of 10, and schmoozed with Jay Leno on “The Tonight Show” before his voice dropped.  

Which is probably why ― and here I’m guessing ― Culkin might have been a bit annoyed when HBO suggested he audition for Greg.

But after 10 episodes of watching Culkin-as-Roman take part in his family’s imperious game of human chess, it’s hard to imagine the actor playing anyone else. If Jeremy Strong ― who plays Kendall, Logan’s cocaine-addicted second son ― is the show’s tragic star, Culkin is its nervous energy. There’s something in the way he pushes out a phrase like “What a pathetic beta cuck,” or belittles doctors and waiters alike.

What sealed Culkin’s interest in his character came in the first episode during a family softball game, when Roman points to a kid on the sidelines, the son of the site’s groundskeeper. Everyone grows quiet as Roman whips out his checkbook and starts writing a check for $1 million. Hit a home run in their game, Roman tells the boy, and the money is his. For the child and his family, it’s a potentially life-changing moment. For Roman, the child is nothing but a momentary subhuman toy to mess with and cast aside. After the child is tagged out at home, Roman can’t control his laughter. “I’m sorry, I can’t give it to you,” he says as he tears up the check. It is a degrading, truly awful moment of television.

“Oh, I get it,” Culkin remembered thinking, “he’s a fuck face.”

When Culkin filmed the scene, he embodied evil, letting out a cackle so cruel it sets the show’s moral compass for the remaining season. Culkin himself is not sure where his ability to play somebody like that came from.

“Being able to connect to some degree, not in a positive way, with these characters is odd to me because I don’t know the multimillionaires, I don’t know the super-rich, yet I know assholes like that,” he said. “I can’t even quite specifically pick out who I know that is exactly like that, but it’s weird that you can still, for me, relate.”

“Succession” suffered from a slow start, only truly hitting its stride around Episode 6, when Kendall leads the board in a tense vote of no confidence against Logan, who’s recently suffered a stroke, unleashing a sequence of events within the Roy family that are both comical and horrifying.

Culkin owns up to that. “The first three episodes to me, it’s not like they’re unwatchable,” he said, “but it’s not quite the show yet.”

Which, according to him, is fine. Some shows don’t grab you on first watch, and one in particular in his opinion: “I probably shouldn’t even say this on record. The example I have is actually [the British comedy] ‘Peep Show,’” which was coincidentally also developed by “Succession” creator Jesse Armstrong.

But the first season of “Succession” gained enough momentum before concluding Sunday evening for HBO to pick it up for another season ― making this the first time Culkin has ever been part of a television show that made it to Season 2, according to his IMDB page, a small victory in his more than two decades on-screen.

Culkin’s most acclaimed role came in 2002, when he earned a Golden Globe nomination for his role in “Igby Goes Down.” But that time the victory led to a full-blown existential crisis.

United Artists via Getty Images

Claire Danes and Kieran Culkin talk at a coffee shop for a scene from “Igby Goes Down.” Culkin entered an existential crisis after the film and took a breaking from acting. 

“[I] found myself at the age of 20 with a career I never chose, [and I] freaked out,” Culkin said. “I think everybody around that age has some sort of crisis. Usually, it’s like a straight-up ‘Oh, I don’t know what I want to do.’ Mine is, ‘I don’t know what I want to do with my life, yet here I am doing it.’”

Culkin took a break before eventually returning to acting, mostly because he wasn’t sure what else to do. “I was just sort of doing it in the meantime,” he says now. He took parts in movies like “Lymelife” and “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.” Did two episodes of “Fargo.” Performed multiple versions of a stage play he loved, Kenneth Lonergan’s “This Is Our Youth.” In 2014, he was still apprehensive. “I often think about getting out of this job, but I’m terrified that there’s nothing else,” he told The Daily Beast.

Since then, Culkin said, something clicked. He remembered coming home from work one day and thinking, “Oh, I think I’m actually enjoying this.”

“I think I know what I want to do now,” he said to himself. “I think I should do this.”

Now deep into his 30s, Culkin has established himself as a stronger and more serious actor than the “essentially retired” Macaulay ever did. And in Roman, Culkin has stumbled upon something as special as it is sinister. TV Guide described Roman as “the very definition of the hate-f―k,” but he’s probably more accurately categorized as sexual overcompensation personified. He tells his brother that his “face is drowning in pussy,” despite the fact that his various partners claim he rarely wants to have sex. He masturbates to his office view of New York City while a string of emails piles up behind him. (“It’s to gain some sort of control,” Culkin surmised.)

More interesting than his sex life, though, is Roman’s complex relationship with his manipulative and emotionally abusive father. While most people want to prove their competence to the people around them, “Roman, for the most part, doesn’t give a fuck about that,” Culkin said, adding, “If his girlfriend says, ‘No, but you did a great job,’ it’s like: ‘Fuck you. Don’t patronize me.’” What he wants, Culkin said, is his dad’s approval: “That’s the only person that can get him, the only person that can look at him and make him nervous.”

Logan does exactly that when Roman prepares to stand against the tycoon in the vote of no confidence. With his father staring down at him, Roman can only muster a meek “maybe” before he slouches into his chair like an admonished child and votes with his father. Thanks to Roman, Logan lives to fight another day atop his dynasty, while Kendall is forced, temporarily, to surrender.

Earlier, in Episode 2, Roman finds himself watching as the world repackages his family’s tragedy into viral content. He and his family are huddled together in a New York hospital, awaiting information about their famous father’s deteriorating health post-stroke, like characters in a Gothic novel, when Roman starts scrolling through Twitter. His sister, Shiv, asks what people are saying.

“Eh, rumors, you know,” Roman replies matter-of-factly. “Some of Twitter says he’s dead ― and also a good deal of rejoicing at our father’s potential demise.” He notices a short video of the “South Park” kids yelling, “Oh my God, we’ve killed Logan! We’re bastards!” and asks an employee to “find out who these fuckers are and report them or screen grab their shit.”

When Culkin’s own father was hospitalized after suffering a stroke in 2014, TMZ, The Daily Mail, Perez Hilton all repackaged the tragedy as well. The National Enquirer pounced, too, running a headline that read, “Macaulay Culkin Rejects Dying Dad: ‘Rot in Hell!’” But unlike Roman, Culkin wouldn’t have been sifting through Twitter. “That would never be something that I would do willingly,” he says of social media more generally. “Because already at a young age, there was a public perception of me.” 

Francis Apesteguy via Getty Images

Kit Culkin, Macaulay Culkin, Kieran Culkin and Patricia Bretnup pose for a photo one month after the release of “Home Alone.” The father is now estranged from his children. 

Like Roman, however, Culkin and his siblings have a less than ideal relationship with his father. By all accounts, they have been mostly if not entirely estranged from Kit ever since their mother won custody of the children in the 1990s. Patricia, the mother, claimed during the custody battle that Kit had been abusive, and Culkin’s brother Macaulay has continued to do so throughout his life.

“He was a bad man,” Macaulay Culkin told comedian Marc Maron earlier this year.

When I asked Kieran Culkin if he has spoken with his father recently, he answered with two no’s so quickly that I couldn’t bring myself to ask a follow-up question, only saying, for reasons still unbeknownst to me, “Fuck ’em.”

“Fuck ’em,” Culkin agreed. “I’ll go on record: Yeah, fuck ’em.”

After a lifetime of his last name being splattered across the front pages of tabloids, Culkin seemed ready to move on from the controversies that have dogged him since he was a child actor with moppy hair and oversized clothes. That’s not him anymore.

What we’re looking at instead is Kieran Culkin, age 35 ― no longer a Greg and fully embracing life as Roman.

[treason-and-plot]

I was tagged by @igglemouse and @lyrea and @ice-creamforbreakfast to do The Awesome Anon Tag! Thank you to you awesome groovers for tagging me! 

1) How did you come up with such unique & fascinating characters? 

All I try and do is create characters that I myself like to read about. Characters that come from diverse backgrounds and who have a lot of flaws and quirks. Characters involved in interesting conflicts. Characters who are ordinary people tormented by personal demons, or trying to deal with psychological struggles. Characters who get in messy relationships and situations because they are driven by their hearts or by lust and don't always choose the most rational path. Characters who have questionable or elastic morals. Characters who don't always react to things the way you'd expect them to. Characters who evolve with the story and who have lots of layers, revealed like onion skins. 

2) When you started writing your story, what did you take into consideration?

I remember being worried about how people would react to Anita cheating on Harry, because Harry had such a huge fanbase. I thought I would lose a lot of followers. I toned down the nsfw as a result of that too when in actual fact all I wanted to do was take thousands of pics of Jojo and Anita doing the nasty! I still regret not giving their first night together the full smut treatment it deserved!

3) How did you shape each character’s background/family? 

Usually I just get a fuzzy outline of an idea sparked by something and it just grows from there. I can't really answer this one in general terms because the genesis of each character is so different. Joël from the outset struck me as someone a little bit lost and rudderless, escaping to the big city lights of Bridgeport after a bad break up. Roy, his old friend from his school days, became straight away someone already successful and established and he was also engaged to be married, so there were some interesting contrasts to play with there. 

4) Do you plan everything before starting, or are you more spontaneous?

I have ALL my characters' destinies mapped out, but they are by no means cast in stone. My plans have been derailed many times and my characters have sometimes been very determined to choose their own paths. Due to time constraints I have also been forced to abandon a lot of story ideas which saddens me. 

5) Does reality inspire you, or do you rely more on your imagination? 

Definitely reality inspires me, and is responsible for the broad brush strokes, but my imagination is vital for adding detail and doing the fine-tuning. I rely a lot on my gut too.

6) When did you KNOW you were going to make this story? 

When I fell in love with Joël. He was the creation of  @moremirrah and the second I downloaded him I knew I had to centre a story around him.

7) What has shaped your story into being the way it is? 

Mainly the evolution of the characters and the soap opera that is their lives. I love stories where the narrative is driven by relationship drama and conflict, so that has had a lot of influence on my own story. As far as technique goes, I try to show and not tell, and avoid cliches as much as possible. If you would like to know my thoughts on dialogue tags see here, but it is not necessary in my opinion to use anything except ‘he said’ or 'she said’. Like Stephen King, I am also not fond of adverbs. I trained as a journalist and that is probably why I don't use excessive stylistic flourishes or indulge in flowery descriptions of things, lolol!

I would like to tag @simcatcher @shhhushhh @mada-didi @wannabecatwriter and @emperorofthedark. Cheers dears! 👄😊

[seanpatricklittlewriter]

The Movie Post

Greetings and salutations, true believers. I haven’t posted anything in a while other than shameless book promotion stuff for #FourthAndWrong, and for that I apologize. I always say I’d let you know if anything good happened immediately, but nothing good has happened. The new book is out. A few people who have read it told me they liked it. It’s not selling well. Lack of sales means a lack of reviews, which only helps it not sell faster. It’s all a vicious cycle. At a certain point, you have to remember that you’re only writing books because some tiny voice in your head won’t let you stop, and you just throw your hands up and let everything else fall as it may. For the first time, I’ve actually bothered to try real advertising. I’m giving advertising on the Kindle lock screens a go. I’ll let you know if actually works.

 In the meantime, I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts while puttering around the house, going for walks, and ignoring the gym. (I gotta stop ignoring the gym…) If you haven’t watched “Ted Lasso” on AppleTV yet, I HIGHLY recommend it. It’s one of the best shows I’ve watched in a long time. Great writing. Great characters. Great story. Very uplifting and wonderful. One of the show’s writers, creators, and stars, the wonderful Brett Goldstein (who plays the gruff Roy Kent on the show), has a podcast called “Films to Buried With.”

 I started listening to his podcast because I enjoy him on the show so much, and I’ve found out that I enjoy his podcast as much as the show. He’s a genuinely sweet man, and he gets comedian and actor friends to guest on his podcast. The show’s conceit is that Brett invites guests on, tells them they have died, and then gets them to relive their life through the films that meant something to them. It’s a fun little chat show, and a solid way to waste an hour while you’re getting through doing the dishes or mowing the lawn.

 It’s precisely the sort of podcast I would love to be on. I’ve always said you can judge your level of success by what people invite you to do. I always said I’d know if I “made it” if I could ever get invited to be on one of the podcasts I enjoy, rather than trying to wrangle my way into someone else’s podcast or blog. So far— this has not happened. That should tell you what level of success I’m stuck at. I don’t get invited to the movies by my imaginary friends. But Brett encourages people to share their ideas and opinions on social media, anyhow. It’s a fun way to play along at home, tell other people about the podcast, and start conversations around your favorite movies. Stories bind us together. They give us common ground and build bridges toward strengthening relationships. If you meet someone new, you can tell if you’ll get along with them by what films they enjoy. So in that spirit, I’d like to answer the questions Brett asks his guests by discussing a few of my favorite films. If you’d like to play along in the comments, please do. I always love reading about what other people think about movies, books, or music. I won’t bother going through the death/afterlife conceit he uses, but I recommend listening to a few of his podcasts if you enjoy this sort of thing. It’s a fun little premise he uses to generate the episodes.

 --What’s the first film you remember seeing?

         I remember bits and pieces of several films from my childhood. I remember the Muppet Movie in the theater. I remember seeing The Black Hole. I remember a lot of little chunks of a lot of Disney animated films. But the movie that sticks out in my head is “Raiders of the Lost Ark.” It was 1981. I was six. I remember going to see it on a Sunday matinee with my family. I remember it was packed. People were literally sitting on the floor in the aisles. We got three seats someplace, but I remember my dad having to sit in the row in front of us. I don’t remember a ton about the movie the first time I saw it other than being scared of the pit of snakes and the melting Nazi faces. However, I remember the iconic moment when Harrison Ford pulled the gun on the swordsman and shot him. I remember the audience reaction and thinking, “That’s a hero.” I’ve long been a Harrison Ford fan. Between Han Solo and Indiana Jones, he played two of the most iconic heroes of my childhood. When I wrote the TeslaCon novels, I made no secret that my protagonist, Nicodemus Clarke, was just a shallow rip-off of Indiana Jones. It’s funny, but to this day, in my head, if you ask me what a hero looks like, it’s always going to be Harrison Ford.

  --What’s the scariest film you’ve ever seen?

          The scariest film I’ve ever seen is Kevin Smith’s “Red State.” It’s a movie about a religious cult that’s very reminiscent of the Westboro Baptist Church, David Koresh/Waco compound, or any of the other extremely far-right Christian separatist movements. It’s scary because there are many, many of these gun-hoarding compounds, and the movie, while extreme, is not too far off from possibility. Michael Parks plays the leader of the family at the heart of the film, and his performance was award worthy. He was truly terrifying.     As an aside, prior to Red State, I always told people the movie that scared me the most was the original “The Amityville Horror.” Basically, I saw the scene where the poltergeist made the drop-sash window fall on the kid’s fingers and nearly sever them, and that was it. I had the same drop-sash windows in my bedroom, and I was scared of them from then on. I’d like to say that I outgrew my fear of drop-sash windows, but I’m 46 and they still skeeze me out when I see them. A movie I saw 40 years ago warped me forever.

  --What’s the movie that made you cry the most?

         I used to not be someone who cried at movies. However, years of thyroid issues and depression have messed with my response to emotional moments, so I do get teary nowadays at movies. Emotionally speaking, it’s not sad movies that get to me. It’s movies where someone overcomes something difficult. Especially sports movies. The ones that get me the most teary-eyed now are movies like the first “Rocky,” “Hoosiers,” “Miracle,” and “Rudy.” I also get teary-eyed at points of bravery to the point of stupidity. The best example of that is the climax and denouement of “How to Train Your Dragon.” Strangely enough, when a movie does something that is supposed to be a tear-jerker moment to the point that it panders to the audience, I don’t cry— I actually get angry. Anything Nicolas Sparks has ever had his name attached to, for instance. It’s maudlin, and it doesn’t deserve our respect.

  --What the film that made you laugh the most?

       This is not going to be a popular answer. If I was a little more erudite, I’d say something like “Airplane” or “Blazing Saddles” or “Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” However, I didn’t see any of those in the theater originally. I was home, watching them on video. While they were funny and some of my favorite movies, I did not really do a ton of laughing while I saw them. I went to see “BASEketball” with my sister, and the theater was packed. Something about seeing a movie in a crowded theater heightens the emotional impact of jokes, and for whatever reason, that movie put me on the floor a couple of times. It’s a silly movie full of cheap laughs, but I remember hurting as I was leaving the theater. My sides and cheeks were sore. Second on that list was the movie “Bridesmaids.” I don’t think I’ve laughed harder at any movie than the scene where they all get diarrhea in the bridal shop. Especially Melissa McCarthy: “LOOK AWAY!”

  --What is the sexist film you’ve seen?

         For me, I will never forget seeing “Bachelor Party” on HBO at a friend’s house. Monique Gabrielle’s scene is probably the first time I saw full-frontal female nudity in a film. It burned itself into my brain. I probably have a thing for redheads to this day because of that scene. The rest of the movie is very wild and funny. It was one of the launching blocks for Tom Hanks’s ridiculously amazing career. But that one moment stands out as one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen.

  --What film did you used to love, but now it’s not that great?

         Pretty much anything with “Rocky” in the title and a number following it. I still enjoy them, but Rocky III and IV, especially— not that good. I used to love them. I used to watch them whenever they hit TV, but now I only need to watch the first “Rocky,” and maybe the final fight in “Rocky II.” Anything else, I can leave out. They just feel a little overclocked at this point in my life.

  --What’s a film that people and critics panned, but you enjoyed?

        “Goon.” It’s a hockey film written by Jay Baruchel and starring Seann William Scott. It didn’t get wide release—almost straight-to-video. It didn’t get great reviews. I think Metacritic has it around 60%. But something about that movie hit me, and I love it. I suggest it to people all the time. It’s got great performances. It’s a solid flick. It’s not going to overwhelm you. It’s now one of my comfort films. When I’m bored and need something on in the background, I will often choose “Goon” or its sequel, “Goon: Last of the Enforcers.” The sequel was not as good as the original, but it’s still worth a watch. Kurt Russell’s son Wyatt is the villain in the sequel. He’s extremely good.

  --What’s a film that people love, but you hate?

        Hands down: “Avatar” or “Titanic.” Something about a lot of James Cameron films just don’t work with me. I think it’s because they’re too grandiose. They try too hard. Also, the scripts are just there to get him to the big, visual set-pieces. They’re thin on both character and plot. I can’t stand either of them.

  --What’s a film that means a lot to you, but it’s not because of the quality of the movie (i.e. you saw it with someone and it’s special, or it has importance to people around you, etc…)?

       Easily, “The Man From Snowy River.” This is a family favorite. I grew up watching this flick, and I made my daughter watch it when she was younger. I will never get tired of it. I probably watch it maybe three or four times a year. There’s just something about the cinematography of the climax when Jim goes down the mountainside on Denny’s back. It’s always breath-taking. Also, if you watch “The Man From Snowy River,” you see what my dad always wanted his life to be. Most boys’ fathers want their sons to be doctor or lawyers. My dad wanted me to be a cowboy.

  --What film do you relate to the most?

        “Clerks.” I saw “Clerks” when I was a senior in high school. Rented it from a local video store. I saw two dudes who were outliers in their social group working crappy jobs and dealing with the mundane nothingness of life. It hit me right in the gut. I resolved to do something better than that. So far, I’ve failed to do so, but I keep trying.

  --Empirically speaking, what is the best film? (Not necessarily favorite film— but what film do you think is the best film ever made?)

         I have to say it was “Lawrence of Arabia.” The casting was amazing. The cinematography was incredible, unrivaled, really. The story was excellent. And the ordeal of the entire filming process was without peer. What they went through to make that movie, hands down, makes it the best film ever made. The scope of the film alone is mind-boggling.  The Lord of the Rings trilogy is a close second, but that’s technically three films, so I went with Lawrence of Arabia.

  --What film have you seen the most?

         I have watched “The Muppet Movie” a ton. I still love the movie “Roxanne.” I have also seen “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers” and “The Quiet Man” more than any single person probably should. If I had to think about it and pick one film I’ve seen more than other…it’s probably “Meatballs.” Growing up, my sister and I watched that flick a thousand times. I can probably recite it from memory. It’s also one of the films that cemented an undying loyalty to Bill Murray.

   --And finally: You die and go to heaven. And in heaven, they ask you to pick one film that summarizes your life, one film that makes people understand you, or a film you want people to watch to help them know you better. What is that film?

         Nothing has had more influence on my life than the movie “Ghostbusters.” It defined me in several ways: my love for comedy, my love for the paranormal, and my love for snark and snappy comebacks. I loved Ghostbusters so much that I watched it on a weekly basis. I ran the audio cables from our VCR to a tape deck and recorded an audio copy of the film to play on my Walkman while I road the bus to school every day. I still have the film memorized word-for-word. I will often let my eyes go a little weird and turn to my daughter and say, “Then, during the Third Reconciliation of the Last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him, that of a giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of a Sloar that day, I can tell you!” To know me is to understand Ghostbusters on a molecular level. I owe that movie a lot.

  Anyhow, this was a fun way to waste my night. I encourage you to play along. Answer some or all of the questions Brett asks his guests. I highly recommend listening to a few episodes of “Films to Be Buried With” on your favorite podcatcher app. And if anyone out there knows Brett Goldstein, please let him know I’m available to guest on his podcast. Until next time—Thanks for reading.

--Sean

[kierantc-blog]

DC Rebirth In Review - The Young And The Violent

Here is the 4th part of my DC Rebirth In Review series, where i take a look back at the good and the bad of DC’s Rebirth initiative in the wake of the news that they are dropping the Rebirth banners in December. To read my previous posts just click these links:

Part 1 - The Superman Family

Part 2 - The Batman Family

Part 3 - The Justice League

In this part, i will be talking about The Young And The Violent. Basically a snappy way of categorising series such as Teen Titans and Suicide Squad. So let’s get to it!

Titans - Coming off of the back of Titans Hunt and DC Universe Rebirth #1, Wally West the original Kid Flash and The Flash in his own right returns to the fold and finds his old friends Dick Grayson (Nightwing), Donna Troy (Wonder Girl), Garth (Tempest), Roy Harper (Arsenal) and Lilith Clay (Omen) to find out the mystery of Rebirth, who stole the missing time from the universe and who was responsible for Wally’s disappearance? Written by Aquaman’s Dan Abnett and art by former Flash penciller Brett Booth, Titans is one of the stronger titles in DC that honestly makes you wonder why they didn’t make it a bi-monthly title. Readers that love Wally West will be thrilled as much as the fans of the original Teen Titans as it feels like the group have been together much longer than we know they have been currently. While Booth offers consistent artwork, his frantic and detailed style of pencils might be a headache for some people but it doesn’t distract from a well made series. - 9/10

Teen Titans - Just like Supergirl, the Teen Titans comic book takes some lessons in synergy from the popular Justice League vs. Teen Titans animated movie that came out last year and sees Damian Wayne’s Robin team up with Starfire, Beast Boy and Raven, as well as adding new recruits in Wally West II AKA the new Kid Flash and later on Jackson Hyde, who will later become Aqualad. The comic is written by Green Arrow’s Ben Percy but unlike the fan-service laden G.A Rebirth he chooses to make his own way with the new Teen Titans by exploiting Damian’s inability to do things like a normal person. It works well too, he forces the recruits together and they end up bonding under the idea that while he can make them better heroes, he’s also a bit of a dweeb and is the target of their ire. The artwork by Jonboy Meyers and later Khoi Pham is well detailed and looks like something straight out of an animation feature. Whether you were a fan of the animated movie or love a more classic Titans comic, this will be the book you want to check out. The only thing that holds it back is the annoyance of crossovers, with 2 so far and another to come in December, and considering the series only has 13 issues to date, it stunts the story telling opportunities for the writer. - 7.5/10

Blue Beetle - On the surface the premise of this book is solid, Ted Kord and Jaime Reyes, both Blue Beetle in their own right, working together for the first time. It doesn’t really work that well though as it feels like Giffen and Kolins want to tell stories about Justice League 3001 and Doctor Fate instead, which is fine but that’s not what i’m paying for. I would personally avoid buying this book, it has very little promise but might interest you if you like Ted. - 2/10

Deathstroke - If you aren’t reading this book already, you really should be. Christopher Priest is a comic book veteran and after 10 years away from the big 2 he came back to work on Deathstroke because the character wasn’t black and as an African-American he didn’t want to be pigeon-holed as a “black writer”. The narrative of Deathstroke is complex but full of intrigue and substance too, Priest clearly understands the nuances of such a complicated man and uses them well but the plot itself is devious and cunning, almost like you are reading a cross between a George RR Martin book and a great spy novel. The quality of Priest’s work on this series has earned him a promotion of sorts to being the new regular writer on Justice League, and if that isn’t an indicator of his talent then i don’t know what is. - 10/10

Harley Quinn - With Rebirth being a tale of bringing back what people love about their favourite characters, it was difficult for DC to really do anything to Harley Quinn because the series is one of their best sellers and Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti have worked on it since the beginning, so changing the status quo didn’t seem necessary. The only problem with that in my opinion is that the series has stagnated and become rather stale. The supporting cast of Harley’s world is brought in closer than ever in order to battle the Mayor of New York City but it feels rather predictable as a story. A new creative team is taking over soon, with Frank Tieri (formerly of Invincible Iron Man and Wolverine) writing and Inaki Miranda (recently of Batgirl) doing art duties, so maybe a change will come sooner rather than later. The series needs it. - 5/10

Suicide Squad - Since the movie last Summer, this book has sold rather well for DC but it’s not exactly a deserving one. The problem isn’t Rob Williams the writer but the way DC has managed the series. When the creative team was first announced it was with the big news that DC co-publisher and legendary artist Jim Lee doing the artwork, but with his other duties at the company and with the twice monthly schedule he was unable to commit to the series fully. Instead of the average 20 pages per issue, Suicide Squad was left with only 12 from Jim Lee and the other 8 being from backup artists doing a backup story from Rob Williams. With this and the average crossover with the Justice League in January, this series has spluttered out of the gate. The more recent issues post Jim Lee have been better but with more crossovers to come it feels like Rob Williams can’t catch a break and tell the stories he wants. Publisher politics aside, the series takes notes from the movie by copying the Squad roster and returning Amanda Waller into the thicc woman she was before, and while the book is certainly more light and funny than the movie, the synergy for the best part works quite well. - 4/10

The Hellblazer - After the excellent Constantine DC You series by Doyle, Tynion and Rossmo, The Hellblazer fails to keep the magic going with extremely flat story telling and questionable artwork. The book has so far taken 12 issues to tell the story about ancient magical beings called Djinn returning but not once do you feel that there is any relative danger to Constantine or that anything serious could happen. Also the story itself feels detached from what is going on in DC right now, others have mysteries and larger picture things going on and others have guest stars and cameos galore, but apart from one appearance by Shazam and another couple by Swamp Thing, you would be hard pressed to believe this takes place in the same universe as the other on-goings. Tim Seeley has stepped in for a guest arc on the series and has improved the quality, but the issues by Simon Oliver and Moritat should be avoided at all costs. - 2/10

Conclusions

A few missteps aside, the remainder of Rebirth’s catalogue has been good for DC and even those missteps are getting course corrections in new creative teams. I do believe that more work needs doing however, a Young Justice series with Tim Drake, Conner Kent and Cassie Sandsmark needs to happen and more magical based books such as Zatanna or Shazam need to happen too.

With the return of the Young Justice animated series as well as the upcoming Teen Titans TV series, we might get more of a focus on the teenage heroes of DC soon, and with the new Shazam movie going into production we shouldn’t be too surprised if the original Captain Marvel returns to the fold.

Thanks for reading!

Next Up: Crossovers, Events and Mini-Series.

[nedraggett]

Run ragged

It didn’t work.  And while I wasn’t surprised by that, I did want to tease out why, at least for myself.

I honestly was openly skeptical of Blade Runner 2049 for a while, so I can’t hide my bias there.  I wasn’t totally ‘salt the earth and never mention it again’ then and am certainly not saying that now.  But each new trailer left me feeling more ‘uh...really?’ and the explosion of immediate praise from many critics even more so.  I wasn’t contrarian, and neither did I think groupthink was at work, but I suspected a massive wish fulfillment was. 

So I generally avoided reactions after that and figured I’d wait for things to die down a bit -- even more quickly than I might have guessed, seeing its swiftly collapsing commercial performance over here. My Sunday early afternoon showing near here was about maybe 2/3 full on its third weekend, so it’s found an audience, but I’m in San Francisco -- I expected an audience there. Enough friends have posted theater shots where they were the only person in the room to know this is dying off as an across the board thing, and never probably was.

I’m not glad it failed, but I’m not surprised -- in fact, being more blunt, I think it deserved not to be a hit.  The key reason for me played itself out over its length -- it was boring.  It’s a very boring movie.  It’s not a successful movie except in intermittent moments.  

That said, of course not everyone agreed (I’ll recommend as an indirect counterpoint to my thoughts this piece by my friend Matt, which went up earlier today). And boredom is not the sole reason for me to crucify it -- there were a variety of things one can address.  I’ll note two at the start since they could be and in a couple of cases I’ve seen were particular breaking points for others:

* The sexual politics of the movie, however much meant to be in line with the original scenario as playing out a certain logic, were often at least confused or hesitant within a male gaze context, at most lazily vile beyond any (often flatly obvious) point-making.  I often got a mental sense of excuses that could be offered along the lines of ‘well...you know, it’s supposed to be like that in this world, it’s a commentary!,’ which is often what I’ve seen in positive criticism of, say, Game of Thrones. Maybe. That said: not that any sort of timing played into it, but the fact that Harvey Weinstein’s downfall began two days before release, and the resulting across-board exposure and on-the-record testimonials from many women against far too many men, couldn’t really be escaped.  Further, since the fallout was first felt, after all, in the film industry, seeing any film, new or old, through the lens of what’s acceptable and who gets through what hoops -- and who is broken by the experience -- is always important.  It’s not for nothing to note that the original film’s female lead Sean Young got shunted into the ‘she’s crazy’/’too much trouble’ file in later years where male actors might perhaps find redemption; the fact that she played a small part in the new film made me think a bit more on her fate than that of her character’s.  (Another point I saw a few women brought up as well -- having a key to the whole story be pregnancy and childbirth as opposed to infertility wasn’t warmly received.)

* It’s a very...white future. Not exclusively, certainly. But people of color barely get a look in, a quick scene here, a cameo there. A black female friend of mine just this morning said this over on FB about the one African American actor whose character got the most lines, saying: 

to have the only significant black character be this awful, creepy man who seemed to be an "overseer" type to the children, was really uncomfortable and another perfect example of scifi using an 'other' narratives or american slave narrative but within a white context. We all know what it's supposed to represent and so it's just straight up lazy writing at the end of the day and exploitative.

Meantime, another sharp series of comments elsewhere revolved around how a film perhaps even more obviously drenched than the original in an amalgamated East Asian imaginary setting for the Los Angeles sequences barely showcased anyone from such a background. Dave Bautista certainly makes an impact at the start, but after that? The fact that I can think of three speaking roles for actors of that (wide) background in the original, as in actually having an exchange with a lead character, and only one in this one, maybe two if you count the random shouting woman in K’s apartment building, is more than a little off.  Add in a ‘Los Angeles,’ or a wider SoCal if you like, that aside from Edward James Olmos’s short cameo apparently has nobody of Mexican background, let alone Central American, in it, and you gotta wonder.  My personal ‘oh really’ favorite was the one official sign that was written in English and, I believe, Sanskrit.  Great visual idea; can’t say I saw anyone of South Asian descent either.

Both these very wide issues, of course, tie in with the business and the society we’re all in -- but that’s no excuse. And there are plenty of other things I could delve into even more, not least my irritation over the generally flatly-framed dialogue shots in small offices that tended to undercut the grander vistas, or how the fact that Gosling’s character finding the horse carving had been telegraphed so far in advance that it was resolutely unremarkable despite all the loud music, etc. My key point remains: boring.  A sometimes beautifully shot and visually/sonically striking really dull, draggy, boring film.

The fair question though is why I think that.  A friend in response to that complaint as echoed by others joked what we would make of Bela Tarr films, to which I replied that I own and enjoy watching Tarkovsky movies. Slow pace and long shots aren’t attention killers for me per se; if something is gripping, it will be just that, and justify my attention. Meanwhile, the original film famously got dumped on for also being slow, boring, etc at the time, and plenty can still feel that way about it. Blade Runner’s reputation is now frightfully overburdened and certainly I’ve contributed to it mentally if not through formal written work; it succeeds but is a flawed creation, and strictly speaking the two big complaints I’ve outlined above apply to the predecessor as much as the current film, it’s just a matter of degrees otherwise. But if you told me I had to sit down and watch it, I’d be happy to. Tell me to do the same with this one, I would immediately ask for the ability to skip scenes.

I’ve turned it all over in my head and these are three elements where things fell apart for me, caused me to be disengaged -- not in any specific order, but I’m going to build outward a bit, from the specific to the general, and with specific contrast between the earlier film and the new one.  These discontinuities aren’t the sole faults, but they’re the ones I’ve been thinking about the most.

First: it’s worth noting that the new film brings in a lot of specific cultural elements beyond the famed advertising and signs. Nabokov’s Pale Fire is specifically singled out both as a visual cue and as an element in K’s two police station evaluations, for instance. Meanwhile, musically, I didn’t quite catch what song it was Joi was telling K about early in the film but a check later means it must have been Sinatra’s “Summer Wind,” featured on the soundtrack.  Sinatra himself of course shows up later as a small holographic performance in Vegas, specifically of “One For My Baby,” while prior to that K and Deckard fight it out while larger holographic displays of older Vegas style revues and featured performers appear glitchily -- showgirls, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis in his later pomp, Liberace complete with candleabra. All of this makes a certain sense and on the one hand I don’t object to it.

But on the other I do.  Something about all that rubbed me the wrong way and I honestly wasn’t sure why -- the Nabokov bit as well, even the quick Treasure Island moment between Deckard and K when they first talk to each other. The answer I think lies with the original film. It’s not devoid of references either, but note how two of the most famous are used:

* When Rutger Hauer’s Roy Batty introduces himself to James Hong’s Hannibal Chew, he does so with a modified quote from William Blake’s America: A Prophecy. (This fuller discussion of that quote and how it was changed from the original is worth a read; it’s also worth noting that Hauer brought it to the table, and wasn’t planned otherwise.) But he doesn’t do so by spelling out to the audience, much less Chew, that it is Blake at all.  You either have to know it or you don’t. If, say, we saw Batty clearly holding a copy of the book -- or maybe more intriguing, a copy in Deckard’s apartment -- then that would be one thing...but it becomes a bit more ‘DO YOU SEE?’ as a result. Clunkier, a bit like how Pale Fire worked in the new film.

* Even in the original soundtrack’s compromised/rerecorded form, I always loved the one formally conventional song on the original soundtrack, “One More Kiss, Dear.” I just assumed as I did back in the mid to late 80s, when I first saw the film and heard its music, that it was a random oldie from somewhere mid-century repurposed, a bit of mood-setting. It is...but it isn’t.  It’s strictly pastiche, a creation of Vangelis himself in collaboration with Peter Skellern, an English singer-songwriter who had a thriving career in his home country. It just seemed real enough, with scratchy fidelity, a piano-bar sad elegance -- which was precisely the point. You couldn’t pin it down to anything, it wasn’t a specifically recognizable element. It wasn’t Elvis, or Liberace, or Sinatra. 

This careful hiding of concrete details -- even when the original film showcased other clear, concrete details of ‘our’ world culturally, but culturally via economics and ads -- is heavily to the original’s benefit, I’d argue.  There’s a certain trapped-in-baby-boomerland context of the elements in the new film that, perversely, almost feels too concrete, or forced is maybe a better word. It’s perverse because on the one hand it makes a clear sense, but on the other hand, by not being as tied to explicitly cultural identifiers -- whether ‘high’ literature or rough and ready ‘pop’ or whatever one would like to say -- the original film feels that much more intriguingly odd, dreamlike even. I would tease this out further if I could, but it quietly nags -- perhaps the best way I could describe it is this: by not knowing what, in general, the characters, ‘human’ or not, read, listen to, watch in the original, what everyone enjoys -- if they do -- becomes an unspoken mystery. Think about how we here now talk about what we read, listen to, watch as forms of connection with others; think about how the crowd scenes in the originals feature people all on their own trips or in groups or whatever without knowing what they might know. We know Deckard likes piano, sure, but that suggests something, it doesn’t limit it.  We know K likes Nabokov and Sinatra -- and that tells us something.  And it limits it.

My second big point would also have to do with limits versus possibilities, and hopefully is more easily explained.  Both films are of course amalgams, reflections of larger elements in the culture as well as within a specific culture of film. The first film is even more famously an amalgam of ‘film noir’ as broadly conceived, both in terms of actual Hollywood product and the homages and conceptions and projections of the term backwards and forwards into even more work. It is the point of familiar reference for an audience that at the time was a couple of decades removed from its perceived heyday, but common enough that it was the key hook in -- the weary detective called back for one last job, the corrupt policeman, the scheming businessman, the femme fatale, etc. etc. Set against the fantastic elements, it was the bedrock, the hook, and of course it could be and was repurposed from there, in its creation and in its reception. 

2049 is not a film noir amalgam.  Instead, it’s very clearly -- too clearly -- an amalgam of exactly the wrong place it should have gotten any influence from. By that I don’t mean the original film -- above and beyond the clear story connections, its impact was expected to be inescapable and as it turns out it was inescapable.  Instead it’s an amalgam of what followed in the original’s wake -- the idea of dystopia-as-genre -- and that’s poisonous.

Off the top of my head: Children of Men. The Matrix. Brazil. Her. Battlestar Galactica, the 2000s reboot. A bit of The Hunger Games, I’d say. A bit of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome (not a direct descendant of the original at all, of course -- George Miller always had his own vibe going -- but I caught an echo still). The Walking Dead. A fleck of The Fifth Element. Demolition Man, even, if we want to go ‘low’ art.  But also so many of the knockoffs and revamps and churn. There could be elements, there could be explicit references, there could be just a certain miasma of feeling.  But this all fed into this film, and made it...just less interesting to me. 

Again, the first film is no less beholden to types and forebears.  But the palette wasn’t sf per se, it was something else, then transposed and heightened and made even uneasier due to what it was.  2049 has to not only chase down its predecessor, it has to live with what its predecessor created.  But did it have to take all that into itself as well? It becomes a wink and a nod over and again, and a tiring one, a smaller palette, a feeding on itself. And it’s very frustrating as a result, and whatever spell was in the film kept being constantly rebroken, and the scenes kept dragging on.

This all fed into the third and final point for me -- the key element, the thing that makes the original not ‘just’ noir, the stroke of genius from Philip K Dick turned into tangible creations: the replicants, and the question of what it is to be human. Humanity itself has assayed this question time and time over -- let’s use Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein as a start if we must for the modern era, it’s as good as any. We as a species -- if we individual members can afford the time and reflection at least -- seem to enjoy questions of what makes us ‘us,’ and what we are and what we have in this universe.  This much is axiomatic, so take that as read.

The replicants in the original film -- famously thought of differently by Dick and Ridley Scott, to the former’s bemusement when they met and talked for their only meeting before the latter’s death -- set up questions in that universe that are grappled with as they are by the characters in different ways. Between humans, between replicants, between each other, lines always slipping and shading. Their existences are celebrated, questioned, protested against. But we don’t live in these conversations for the most part, we tend to experience the characters instead; it’s often what’s unsaid that has the greatest impact. And if the idea of a successful story-teller is to show rather than tell, then I would argue that, again, flawed as it can be, the original film succeeds there be only telling just enough, and letting the viewer be immersed otherwise. (Thus of course the famous after the fact narration in the original release insisted upon by the studio, and removed from later cuts to Scott’s thorough relief.)

By default, that level of quiet...I would almost call it ‘awe’...in the original can’t be repeated with the same impact. The bell cannot be unrung, but that’s not crippling. What was crippling was how, again, bored I was with the plight of the characters in 2049. How unengaged in their concerns I generally was. One key exception aside, I never bought K’s particular angst outside of plot-driven functionality, and frankly they often felt like manikins all the way down from there. Robin Wright’s police chief had some great line deliveries but the lines were most often banal generalities that sounded ridiculous. Jared Leto’s corporate overlord, good god, don’t ask. As for Joi and Luv, Ana de Armas and Sylvia Hoeks did their best, and yet the characters felt...functional.  Which given the characters as such would seem to be appropriate, but their fates were functional too. Of course one would do that, of course the other would do that, of course one would die the one way, of course the other would die that way, and...fine. Shrug. 

So, then, Deckard? Honestly Harrison Ford had the best part in the film and while I found him maybe a bit more garrulous than I would have expected from the character, he did paranoid, wounded and withdrawn pretty damn well. Not to mention comedy -- the dog and whisky combo can’t be beat, and it’s worth remembering his nebbishy ‘undercover’ turn in the original -- and, in the Rachel scene, an actual sense of pathos and outrage. I bought him pretty easily, and it made everyone else seem pretty shallow. When K learns about the underground replicant resistance and all, the bit about everyone hopes they are the one was nice enough, but the rest of it, clearly meant to be a ‘big moment,’ was...again, dull, per my second point about the limited palette. A whole lot of telling, not much showing, and such was the case throughout. It was honestly a bit shocking -- but also very clear -- to myself when I realized how little I cared about humans or replicants or any of it at all towards the end. It all felt pat and played out, increasingly unfascinating, philosophy that was rote. It could just be me, of course -- maybe this is an issue where the stand-ins of replicants versus realities of robots and AI, along with the cruelties we’re happy to inflict on each other, means the stand-ins simply don’t have much of an imaginative or intellectual grip now.

Still, though, I’ll give the film one full scene, without Ford. As part of his work, and to answer the questions in his own head, K visits Ana Stelline, a designer of replicant memories. This, more than anything else in the film outside of certain design and musical elements, felt like the original, or something that could be there. It introduced a wholly new facet -- how are memories created for replicants? -- while extending the idea that instead of one sole creator of replicants there are multiple parts makers with their specialized fields in an unexplained (and unnecessary to be explained) economy. Stelline’s literal isolation allows for space and the limits of communication to be played out in a way that makes satisfying artistic sense, and Carla Juri plays her well. It builds up to an emotional moment that sends K into an explosive overdrive that is actually earned, and Juri’s own reaction of awe and horror is equally good.  But -- even better -- the scene ends up taking a wholly new cast later in the film, when more information reveals what was actually at play, and what K didn’t know at the time, and makes the final scene a good one to end on in turn (and by that I mean back in her office, specifically).

The problem though remains -- one scene can’t make a film. One can argue that it’s better to reach and fail than not at all, but it’s also easily argued that one gets far more frustrated with something that could have worked but didn’t. I don’t think an edit for time would have fixed the film but it would have made it less of a slog while not sacrificing those visual/sonic elements that did work; it still would leave a lot of these points I’ve raised standing, but it would have gone down a little more smoothly, at least. But sometimes you’re just bored in a theater, waiting for something to end.

[paradisefovnd]

8-12 for the multi muse meme

multimuse ask meme accepting

put this under a readmore bc it’s gonna get long

what is each of your muses otps? notps?

ruth balakov  - otp: anything gay notp: darth vader??? idk

samir chaudhry - otp: i rlly like the thing goin on with @cverture‘s beth (im super slow in replying but ??? i like what we’ve got goin on) notp: voldemort

tutankhamun “tut” mcmullen  - otp: ROWAN notp: that ask when rowan dumps him :(

jughead jones - otp: burgers notp: humans

melody valentine - otp: ALEXANDRA CABOT as written by @shenaniganelous notp: sadness

mark darcy - otp: BRIDGET OFC notp: not bridget???

choi han-kyul - otp: eun chan i cry :’) notp: someone who writes him off as a stupid playboy (and refuses to see his potential)

dr. noelle akopian - otp: a nice bath and glass of wine notp: any human who doesn’t treasure her like she deserves

greg serrano - otp: i’m trash but rebecca (also happiness) notp: greg and josh? (it’s not a bad ship i just can’t feel it for my greg? he thinks of josh as a bro and he can’t get those sexual feelins goin for chan)

maya - otp: aNYONE WHO TREATS HER WELL SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF MY BB notp: someone who is mean to her :(

valencia perez - otp: anything gay notp: valencia and men

johnny castle - otp: bABY notp: someone who takes advantage of him

blair warner - otp: GAY MOMS notp: not gay moms??

jo polniaczek - otp: GAY MOMS notp: not gay moms!!!

emily gilmore - otp: happiness notp: never having growth or independence 

meredith quill - otp: diggin her and claire played by @iiinfiltrator!!! notp: ego

alice longbottom - otp: frank notp: what happens to her in canon

arthur weasley - otp: MOLLY notp: not molly

victoire weasley - otp: teddy, anything gay notp: idk??

helga g. pataki - otp: ARNOLD! notp: someone mean to her :(

effie trinket - otp: haymitch and anything gay notp: president snow??? idk

katniss everdeen - otp: madge :’) notp: men

jane villanueva - otp: michael, rafael, PETRA notp: adam :( (altho i might love him we’ll see)

michael cordero - otp: JANE GLORIANA VILLANUEVA notp: death :(

rogelio de la vega - otp: xiomara :’) notp: ppl being mean to him

elle woods - otp: VIVIENNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! notp: professor callahan?

ryan atwood - otp: taylor townsend :’) also marissa i cry notp: lindsay 

pam beesly - otp: JIM notp: roy

fitzwilliam darcy - otp: elizabeth (maybe charles bingley??) notp: sadness

jane bennet - otp: charles and anything gay notp: mean people

queen clarisse renaldi - otp: JOE notp: sad

sabrina fairchild - otp: anything gay notp: david what a icky person

capheus onyango - otp: HAPPINESS notp: being pressured into things :(

princess fiona - otp: shrek, anything gay notp: lord farquaad

shrek - otp: fiona notp: dragon

charles brooks - otp: liza notp: his ex i forgot her name whoops

josh - otp: liza, happiness notp: cLAIRE IHATE

chuck bartowski - otp: SARAH notp: JILL >:(

denny duquette - otp: life notp: death :/

why were you drawn to each one of your characters?

ruth balakov  - i’ve had her character in my head for such a long time, and i was finally just like “fuck it! i’m gonna write her!” bc i love parks and rec, but i just can’t play leslie bc there’s too much history and stuff and i really wanted to play a quirky nina fc bc i used to have one that i loved, and it just seemed like a perfect fit

samir chaudhry - i felt a desperate need to reply as an astronaut to @cverture‘s beth, and so samir was born 

tutankhamun “tut” mcmullen  - tut’s origin story is one of the best!!! so, @idyllicism and i decided to use this randomizing character generator to do a fun random thread, and it gave me tut (which is why his name is so out there) who has grown so close to my heart, and i am thankful

jughead jones - tbh i added jughead bc i wanted to write him properly aKA ASEXUAL! I’M LOOKIN AT U RIVERDALE

melody valentine - tbh… i added her bc i wanted to write her with jenna :) and also i loved archie comics as a kid and always thought melody was so beautiful and her voice came easily to me so !

mark darcy - buckle in, this is gonna be a long ride. bridget jones’s diary is one of those movies that i love to death. it’s one of my sick movies, it’s one of my sad movies, my homesick movies, it helps me feel better. so, watching bridget jones i’ve always identified with both of the lead characters, but there’s something about mark that was especially easy for me to access. i’m still trying to figure out exactly what it is, but there’s something to him that i just…understand, if that makes sense. when i decided to make a multi-muse, he was one of the very first characters i had as a muse bc i knew i had to add him. he’s in my heart and soul. 

choi han-kyul - so han-kyul is another one of those characters who i just really strongly identify with. in coffee prince, he’s someone who undergoes some huge development in who he is, and when i saw the drama for the first time, it aligned with some things i was dealing with in my own life. his relationship with his father, his coming to terms with his sexuality, his maturation, his longing to live up to his own potential, it all just hit me. another heart and soul character. 

dr. noelle akopian - i added her for the funsies

greg serrano - i think i added him because he helps me come to terms with some real life stuff i have going on and also because i loved his development and wanted to explore that past what the show was able to give us

maya - honestly she’s the most pure being, and i just had to add her

valencia perez - valencia is a goddess who deserves better and i’m looking forward to exploring why she is the way she is

johnny castle - when i saw dirty dancing, i fell in love with johnny, and that’s pretty much it. god bless. 

blair warner - i cANNOT fuck this is taking so much longer than i thought it would, but i have so many muses, and want to give them all their proper due, and fuclasfhdads. so from the beginning, i walked into a gas station this summer, and one of the employees was like “oh my god, you look exactly like blair from the facts of life!” and i was like “haha thanks!” bc i didn’t know who she was, but my dad who was with me was like “oh my god she does!” and then he was like “she’s like her more than just in looks too” meaning our personalities were similar. so OFC i had to watch this show to see my doppelganger. and WOW i was amazed bc she’s the closest i’ve ever seen to myself in physical aspects but also we’re very similar personality-wise too, and after my first episode, i fell in love, and i just had to add her as a muse

jo polniaczek - i didn’t expect jo, but after i watched that first episode, i fell in love just as i did with blair. honestly, the writers and cast can say she’s straight all they want, but jo is a gay icon, and it’s just so cool to see a character like that who’s so layered. jo is sensitive but also tough. she’s gone through a lot, but still holds such compassion and i love her to death and fuckfdsakfasf she’s honestly ruined all human beings for me now bc she’s the ultimate. 

emily gilmore - so, emily is another one of those relating characters. what can i, a 22 year old baby bi, have in common with an old middle aged straight? well, let me tell you: a LOT. i identify so much with the way that emily has tried all her life to succeed in the society she was brought up in and having set ways of doing things and then just…letting go and trying to make herself happy. it’s inspiring and i love her. 

meredith quill - listen, i’m not a fan of superhero movies, but i like the guardians of the galaxy series, and when i saw the second movie, i fell instantly in love with meredith and her light, and i had to add her

alice longbottom - i have never read the books, but i’ve read a lot of fandom stuff, and i just love the longbottoms, and i like that there’s a certain amount of freedom there to explore who she is and her story

arthur weasley - arthur reminds me of my dad, and his voice comes super easily to me which is why i added him

victoire weasley - again, i like the amount of freedom i’m afforded in figuring out who she is and all that

helga g. pataki - this is another heart and soul character. as a kid, i was also mean and dramatic and precocious. i was a LOT like helga. even today, i struggle with trying to soften myself for the benefit of others because i can come across as intimidating (idk why??). but i just…it’s just like damn. i get you, helga. we both have an alcoholic parent, tense relationships with our older sisters, and we both don’t have a TON of friends and just feel kind of…out of place, i guess, in the world we live in. we’re a little out of place and i just get her. i understand her, and i’m glad that she exists. 

effie trinket - she’s just such a fascinating character, and i want to explore her more

katniss everdeen - i get her

jane villanueva - see, jane is someone who i think i look up to. she’s someone i wish i could be more like. i chose to add her as a muse because i love her and just want to give her a nice life bc lord knows she deserves it

michael cordero i added him bc he loves jane and is a huge dork and so caring and i lvoe him

rogelio de la vega - in a weird way, this is another character i relate a lot to. we’re both dramatic and a little vain, but we also care a lot about our family and most of the time, our intentions are good. he’s honestly such a fun character, and i’m glad i added him. 

elle woods - i added her bc she’s amazing??? one of the best people of all time??? and her voice came easily to me so i was like “all right!!!!”

ryan atwood - he’s my fave character from the oc. i love his development, and i love how he’s not exactly who you expect him to be. you think he’s gonna be this big troublemaker, but actually, he just wants a stable life, and he wants the people he loves to be happy. he just wants peace

pam beesly - she’s another heart character. i think a lot of people find it easy to relate to pam bc she goes through so many relatable things, and her story is overcoming insecurities and becoming more confident, and i think that’s something a lot of people can see themselves in. 

fitzwilliam darcy - i mean, i’ve always loved pride & prejudice, and i’ll be damned if darcy isn’t the easiest character for me to understand (a lot like mark)

jane bennet - she holds a special place in my heart bc people have said i’m like jane, and i’m always like “i wish” bc she’s the softest, most pure, most kind person, and i just needed that positivity in my life

queen clarisse renaldi - mY LOVE i love how they made her so layered in the movies, giving you hints of her background. i’ve always been interested in exploring her past, so i added her as a muse (another character whose voice came easily to me)

sabrina fairchild - sabrina is one of those movies i would watch after school was i was younger. i loved the romanticism of it and the costumes and music, and as i grew older, i started to think that it would have made for a more interesting movie if sabrina dumped linus at the end rather than ending up with him. what’s so interesting about that movie is her growth. she goes from a very dark place and undergoes some major development while still holding underpinnings of her past despite desperately trying to leave them behind. 

capheus onyango - i love sense8, so i knew i wanted to add muses or a muse from there, and going through all the characters, capheus’s voice was the one that came most easily to me. he’s more than just his optimism, and i love having him in my roster bc he has such warmth and compassion for those around him. he worries about how his actions will affect others, and i just have such immense love for him. 

princess fiona - me??? i grew up on shrek, and i love it in the most unironic way possible. i sincerely adore the movie and the musical, and fiona is a character i’ve always loved and related to a little bit. 

shrek - but more than relating to fiona, i probably relate to shrek more. my family has always joked that i’m like an onion too and that i have layers just like shrek. he grosses me out a lil with all the farting and earwax, but otherwise, i love shrek and think that for living alone for years after being abandoned by his parents, he was able to grow rather quickly once meeting other people, and shrek is good in my book

charles brooks - he’s another darcy like character, although i don’t love him as much. i added him bc lbr the younger fandom needs him

josh - mY SON i love josh and i think that he has so much growing to do, and i love how the show has left some of his background open so that i can take a lil bit more liberty in figuring him out. i also love his adventurous spirit and his ease while also being so loyal and loving. he’s someone i really love. 

chuck bartowski - chuck is one of those types that’s easier for me to write, and i think it’s just cause one of our core values is the same: family. family is one of the most important things to him, and it’s one of the most important things to me, and i think we just get each other in that aspect and more. 

denny duquette - “i’m a man! i’m a strong virile horse of a man stuck in the body some weak sick bastard that I don’t know, like or recognize. now if you knew what that feels like, you would have never convinced me to let a battery run my heart. if you knew what that feels like izzie, you would have let me go.” this is why. 

which muse is the most fun to write for?

again, i have fun with all of them, but probably rogelio. he’s just so much fun to write. helga is a lot of fun too! and ruth!

is there another muse you’ve been thinking of adding or writing for? who?

i mean, there are always more muses i’m thinking of adding. i’ve thought about adding na ae-ra from cunning single lady, but i’m pretty sure no one would write with her, so i haven’t added her yet. 

i’m planning on watching the good place, and i just know i’ll probably wanna add someone from there

adding someone from frasier would be cool, but like…i highly doubt there would be an audience for them. like i’d love to write niles or smth, but idk if anyone’s even watched it. i mean, that hasn’t stopped me before, but i’m not pressed about it rn

i’ve always been wanting to add elizabeth from the crown because she’s another one of those characters i just super strongly relate to, but seeing as how she’s actually a real person, i haven’t. this is where i get a little confused because i know she’s a real person, but also, the show takes liberties, and she’s not actually queen elizabeth. like if i could take her character and make her not the real queen of england i would? but i just don’t know about what other people think of that? i dont knowslfjhads it’s a weird situation. 

also someone from the west wing

what is something everyone should know about your muses before interacting?

sometimes, the muse for a certain character isn’t always there, so i can be really slow in replying. 

[frenchbrickquest]

Introduction & 1.1.1-1.1.5

All right! I’m joining this a little late, so this post is late as well, but I hope to catch up within the next week. I also hope not-translations count as okay versions to read, too - for two years now I’ve been telling myself I’d get around to reading the brick in French, but it’s pretty clear at this point that it’s not happening unless I do it with purpose, structure, and a designated sideblog, so, hi, Brick Club 17 :D 

(One more sort of relevant thing: I’m not anything resembling fluent in French. I’m vaguely okay at French. I can read Harry Potter and some hip young people magazines in French. I wouldn’t die if left alone in Provence, but that’s it. So essentially this is going to be the language learning equivalent of running up to a brick wall and kicking it repeatedly day and night until you eventually get buff enough to chip one of the bricks. Or something.)

Despite the whole French thing, I’ll try to keep these posts to content discussion! But I’d like to do a small separate section to talk to myself about fun new words I’ve learned or parts that seem different to me now that I’ve read them in the original as well. Okay. Onwards! 

The introduction (by Yves Gohin, I’m reading the folio classique edition) starts out with biographical details, and then goes straight on to textual analysis and pretty much stays there. It draws parallels between Han d’Islande and Bug-Jargal on a structural level, which, you know, duh, but then NDdP is added into the mix and it’s - it is what it is. I didn’t gather too much from it except that Gohin really likes character clusters, but that’s definitely just me being fussy about the style of analysis I enjoy reading. 

Now for the actual chapters:

Thing One that stood out to me: I think it’s pretty much agreed by most people that all the charity that’s so commendable about Myriel is definitely important, but not enough. What I love most about the Bishop, though, is how he sort of... refuses to let people be comfortable? And that always strikes me as the thing he does that screams Resistance most loudly? It’s not a huge statement and it’s extremely unlikely to have a real effect, but I’d love to see just one adaptation where he’s impossible to fit into polite company. He unapologetically makes entire dinner parties uncomfortable. “Et où jugera-t-on monsieur le procureur du roi ?” I mean!! There must have been at least ten seconds of awkward silence after that, and we’re cheated of people showing direct reactions of him pulling that kind of stuff. 

Thing Two: Turns out seeing a female character’s physique described is painful in any language! You deserve better, Baptistine. <3

Thing Three: the whole part about the scaffold being a living, man-devouring monster, phew, I don’t even know where to start. When I read this for the first time (then, in English) I remember that it was what made me go, okay, I’m in for such a great ride with this book. :D And it’s perhaps only because I’m reading so slowly because of the language thing now, but the exact wording had a bigger impact on me this time, only I’m not sure it was all positive. It does a great job of putting the (appropriate) horror back into something that it’s sort of been strategically taken out of lately, and at the same time, you kind of want to reach into the past and yell at Hugo. A whole paragraph of monstrous personification, complete with authentic Penny Dreadful style, I mean, wow. I don’t have any educated comments on this part, just a lot of weird and intense mixed feelings. Uhm. 

Thing Four: Okay, so, are we all calling out Myriel for making Magloire do an impossible job with that kind of budget, and probably not helping at all? Yes? Cool. (On a larger scale, I wonder if there’s a point to be made about how living humbly is made possible for the Bishop by the prudence and sacrifice and just. effort of other people. But I don’t really feel like going there, all I know is that these two ladies deserve so much credit for putting up with stuff, it’s unbelievable)

Favourite new words of the week: 

benjamin (m) - the youngest, slightly spoiled son (I didn’t know other languages had a word for that!! They’re called Nesthäkchen in German) from the introduction, used to describe Hugo in his childhood

lueur (f) - gleam or glimmer

épouvantable - terrible, horrendous, or dreadful 

Other language notes: 

Bonhomme. Bonhomme. as in, =/= bon homme. AHHHH. I can’t believe I was never aware of that pun when I read translations. The whole interaction is so much funnier now, and the bishop so much sassier! If I gain literally nothing else from reading this thing in French, this alone was worth the pain.  

Also, the introduction took me a lot longer to read than the chapters. I hope it’s the density of the introduction content-wise, but I’m pretty sure I’m just faster on the chapters because I’m familiar with them already. Oh well. As we say around here, mühsam ernährt sich das Eichhörnchen.