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#your species will die out
fazcinatingblog · 1 month
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I went outside in 30 degree heat and now I'm dead. Learn from my mistakes, Tumblr. Never leave the house.
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randomwriteronline · 1 year
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my Very Correct And Right Opinions on how the hyrule warriors villain squad is doing romance-wise
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cyncerity · 2 years
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the last post did so much better than expected! i’m genuinely really surprised, thanks for all the support on my short little shitty comic hsjsksl
Anyway, here’s pt. 2!!
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Steve has been worried sick for days thinking his little brother was killed by their resident human meanwhile Dustin has acquired a new big brother
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invertedspoon · 8 months
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god i hate everything about global warming but the thing that grinds my gears is that during the pandemic, the ENTIRE WORLD banded together and were able to (mostly) get rid of a disease that would have killed billions within 2 years.
but as soon as something isn't a immediate threat, people turn a blind eye. if we're not all going to die in a year, then i guess it doesn't matter.
but people are dying. wildfires are rampaging and wiping out towns and islands. there is going to be a HURRICANE on the WEST COAST. a global heat wave is harder to control than a global disease. in the pandemic, the average community had control over spreading a disease, no matter what politicians and the rich would say about it.
but now, the common people cannot control what the rich are pumping into our oceans and atmosphere. you can cut down on your personal carbon footprint. you can convince others around you to cut down. but nothing will make a dent in our carbon emissions unless everyone in the world does it.
the time to try and stop things is now. soon enough, it'll be far, far too late to go back. there's no way to reverse the damage that'll be done in a few years.
we cannot save our own PLANET and that is terrifying.
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darthkvznblogs · 10 months
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If a species goes extinct after being halved, how does Thanos convince himself that he's still the good guy?
In your house, there is a garden.
For too long, you and all the previous residents have ignored it - and to say it has grown uneven, and ugly, and wrong would be putting it mildly. It has become a veritable battlefield, too many plants fighting it out for too little space and nutrients. Many of the beautiful plants the original owners seeded and planted have already died. So, you set out to fix it.
It's hard, thankless work. One at a time, you take a plant, yank all the weeds, trim it to the shape and size you desire - you don't want it to die, of course, but for it to have a chance at truly flourishing, the plant must first suffer the cuts. Once you're done, the plant has plenty of space, it is no longer suffocated by weeds, and so it has a chance to grow - not wildly out of control, putting itself and its neighbors at risk as it did before, but in a beautiful, orderly manner, which you approve.
Your plan is not perfect. You can never fully ensure that a plant will flourish, but you can certainly improve its chances - making sure all pests are eliminated, constantly looking out for sprouting weeds, enriching the soil with nutrients, giving the plant structure to grow around. But the garden is large, and focusing on a single plant isn't something you can afford to do for long. Your own resources aren't limitless - you're the only one who truly cares about the garden, after all, and though quite hardy, you are only one man. Your tools can break, the thorns may draw blood, and there's simply not enough time in the day to fix the whole garden - even a single plant takes quite some time.
You wish you could do it all at once, with a snap of your fingers. Give every single plant the exact same chance to flourish - sit back and watch as the beautiful garden starts over.
Perhaps, someday, that'll be possible. Stranger things have happened, after all, and you're pretty sure there's much better tools out there than the ones you have. This garden was as beautiful as you picture it, once - perhaps the original owners had those better tools.
But until that day comes, you lace up your boots, you put on your gloves, and you set out for another day of work.
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biioniic-biiohazard · 11 months
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oh btw. i hate how bats are treated by people literally all the fucking time :3 don't hold them by their wings! wear gloves! wash your hands! be gentle with them!! don't keep them as pets!!!! only help when necessary!!!! they are not fucked up they are not evil or scary or anything they are just very silly cute little guys :) i also do not appreciate how unpopular they are outside of the contexts of being edgy or gothic or spooky halloweeny things.. like they always exist 24/7 and are real animals all around the world.. majority of bat species are endangered and literally protected species and it makes me so fucking violent that there is little to no awareness of these things online or in general!!! i also hate when furries have bat ocs that are throwaway halloween/fall themed characters that get abandoned after each holiday or are made to be super fucked up and scary only.. also there are??? so many different kinds of bats they can choose from?? there aren't just fruit bats and vampire bats... please god make any other kind of bat. even the ones considered ""ugly"" can be cool or cute or whatever you want them to be lol just please pay attention to these silly little guys or i will cry so fucking hard i love bats so much stop trying to make them fucked up scary guys when they are genuinely so cute and so so so so soooo perfect and amazing in every little silly way
AAAAAAA PAY ATTENTION TO BATS MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SET UP BAT HOUSES!!!!!! DONATE TO CONSERVATORIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONATE TO LITERALLY ANYTHIGN THAT HELPS THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DRAW SILLY LITTLE BATS!!!!!!!! PAY ATTENTION TO THEM LEARN ABOUT THEM HUG A BAT PLUSHIE OR SOMETHINGGGG I LVOE THEM SO MUCH AAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
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mantisgodsaus · 4 months
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Selkieposting on Our Own Blog now! Although selkies technically can carry their pelts on their backs, and said pelts have limited shapeshifting abilities, this isn't done often. Why? Because, though they have limited abilities, they are still pelts - some sections of them have additional structure in the form of bones, even!
As such, especially with the very limited number of pelts in general that Exist, it's immediately obvious you're carrying around a selkie pelt - which in turn means that either you're a selkie, or that's Someone Else's Pelt (which is most likely stolen, by statistics alone), and with how valuable selkie pelts are (especially living ones, with the shapeshifting abilities that they can offer), most people really don't want to advertise that they have that big glaring weak point. A mix of safety in obscurity and not showing off your most valuable possessions every day.
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sccoobydoobers · 2 years
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stg hiccup & toothless couldn’t reunite during homecoming special is bc they would both realise the dragons leaving is bullshit and wouldn’t leave each other again
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cumulativechaos · 2 years
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got high a few weeks ago and was watching the apple tv dinosaur show and i got to the part where the cephalopods or whatever mated and did their fancy light show and then died like right after. and i started thinking abt that post that's like, "a cool way to come up with alien species is to take the life cycle of other animals and imagine what kind of cultures would emerge if those animals had human-level intelligence"
anyway that's how i woke up to the note "HUMAN ALIENS MATING THE FINAL ACT BEFORE DEATH" typed up on my computer
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nicoliine · 3 months
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The day you noticed Lucifer was using his wings to court you.
☆彡 In birds, there is a great variety of nuptial displays at the time of courtship, especially in species that have melodious songs or show very striking plumage.
Little did you know, this would include angels or the king of hell himself.
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☆ English isn't my first language. Sorry in advance.
☆ The reader is g/n; no pronouns or y/n are used.
 
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You were always fond of birds, and you dedicated much of your life to helping preserve endangered species. You studied them, spent countless hours learning about the hundreds of species, a lot of diets and their behaviors.
This didn’t seem to stop once you found yourself in Hell; in fact, once you discovered there were a bunch of sinners with bird-like features, you just seemed content to be there.
When you arrived at the Hazbin hotel, you claimed one of the spare rooms as your personal studio, and after what you have called "the toughest battle in your life," you convinced Alastor to let you have a camera "as long as you never get that frivolous technology box near me."
Husk had to ask you not so politely to stop when you first met. Before you could even take his hand, you had started to ask questions about their wings; sometimes you even wrote on an oh-so-worn notebook of yours; it became a common topic of discussion between the two of you. When you forget he has work to do and start to take multiple pictures of his wings and even try to take one of his wings when he is not looking, Angel starts to think that your bartender friend is about to lose it, and you will end with a scratch or two.
 
Besides that, one could say that your presence in the hotel was appreciated; you could be found watching some funny shows on TV with Angel and never saying no to Vaggie when she asked for a favor. Soon, you started to feel part of the hotel, and the rest of the staff agreed with that.
 ☆◦ •◦☆
Lucifer was nothing like any man you had met in life or hell; he was, to put it simply, an awkward guy, always so silly yet so elegant. He had managed to get you longing for his presence more often than you would like to admit.
You are not sure how you and Lucifer became friends, but having a shared interest in ducks seemed to help. You gave him all kinds of facts about them, and he would step by your room every so often to show you the new rubber duck he was working on. Not that you're complaining, but one of his ducks set your courtains on fire on an occasion.
Charlie says that she is proud of his "social advances,” as she used to call your interactions. Seeing him out of his office more often and having an actual conversation with someone seems to make the princess happy and less worried about her father, and if that someone turns out to be you, it is so much better!
  ☆◦ •◦☆
The first time you noticed this weird behavior of his was the day you two met. You couldn’t help but mention, after his bickering with Alastor over who was Charlie’s father figure, that you found his wings precious. Lucifer, being the prideful man he is, wasted no time on extending his wings only for your delight, a smirk on his face as he saw your eyes wide admiring that part of him; they were so magnificent, you could swear they were shining in the light of the room, and you'd die to see if the feathers were as soft as they seemed.
 
Just a simple touch, please.
 
Before returning his wings to their place, there was a flutter of his wings, so slow that there was no way someone could notice.
But you weren't just someone; you knew it. What a coincidence! You could recap an article about some birds courtship.
The second time you saw it, you were in your room minding your own business. He came to you with a smile, but your eyes were looking past him, his wings on full display as he greeted you. There, his wings started flutter again, now lasting more than the last time. Now there is no way it was just a coincidence. “My eyes are up here, darling,” he said, that smirk on his face turning into a pout as you were not paying him enough attention. You just shake your head, focus on the man before you, returning your full attention to him, and the pout on his lips dissapears immediately as your eyes are on him.
 
  ☆◦ •◦☆
You are getting crazy; every time you get a glimpse of him, you find his wings moving in an oh-so-familiar way that you could swear it was a courtship dance, every time bolder than before.
That is when you decided to confront him, getting just a chuckle from him. It made you think maybe it was just your imagination, and you finally lost your mind.
 
While sitting on the hotel balcony, Lucifer was telling you one of his ideas for this new rubber duck. He said it would be the best one he would work on so far, even though you doubted that. Then you stopped listening, your eyes fixated on his wings. Every time he looked at you, they would flutter not so subtly, distracting you from everything around you. Your head rested on your palm, almost feeling bad for not listening to his rambling.
 
"Luci, you're courting me." It was supposed to be a question, but by the way the king of hell stopped his rambling and, looking at you with wide eyes, you found that maybe it was not.
"And what would make you think that?" He said mocking you, he also rested his head in one of their hands.
 
"Your wings, the way you move them," you pointed to his wings; they stopped his movements when you mentioned it; he just chuckled, then started to laugh. Was he laughing at you? It made you want to hide yourself from him; was it your imagination? No way.
 
"So you finally notice," he then said. Once his laugh was gone, he adjusted himself on his seat. Now, with both of his hands holding his face and looking at you with a smirk, his wings started to flutter once more. "I thought it would take you less time, may I be honest"
 
"Actually, I noticed it long ago; I thought it was just my—" You felt the air leaving your lungs once he got on his feet and moved closer to you. "...Just my imagination." You were not strange to his proximity, but this time he just looked so imponent, wings on full display and fluttering around. Now it was definitely a courtship dance, and you were on the receiving end.
 
"Now, what do you think?" He hovered over you who still sitting, a hand resting on the back of your seat, taking one of your hands on his and kissing your knuckles. The kiss lasted longer than you thought was the average time for one, and even then he didn’t let go of your hand. "Was my dance enough to impress you, darling?" Now, looking into his eyes, you could only see adoration, awaiting your response.
 
You couldn't speak; you can't imagine the king of hell pulling up something like this for you.
 
"My dear, please talk to me," he pleaded, a sigh leaving his lips as he hid his face in the crook of your neck. You could feel his warm breath in your skin, burning like hellfire.
 
"It was," you said, Lucifer now turning his face to look at you. You took his face in your hands and moved him closer, he gave you an inquisitive look but with no intention to move from your touch. "I should have mentioned it earlier; it was quite impressive." You smiled, and he did the same.
 
Now, how long you two kissed, you also don't remember; what you remember, however, is how he held you against him as if you were just about to disappear right then, and that when you finally got to touch his wings, you were proved wrong.
His feathers were much softer than you have imagined.
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This idea came to me yesterday when my dad showed me a reel of a lady bird who epically ignored the male who was dancing to her, I felt so bad and immediately thought about Lucifer.
Likes and reblogs are appreciated 💞
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fuckingrecipes · 17 days
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Wait, which animals raise livestock?
Several species of ants will 'herd' aphids around (a type of plant lice)- even picking them up and putting them back with the group if they wander off. The ants will attack anything that approaches their aphid herds, defending them. The aphids produce a sugary excretion called honeydew, which the ants harvest and eat.
Some ants will even 'milk' the aphids, stroking the aphids with their antennae, to stimulate them to release honeydew. Some aphids have become 'domesticated' by the ants, and depend entirely on their caretaker ants to milk them.
When the host plant is depleted of resources and dies, the ants will pick up their herd of aphids and carry them to a new plant to feed on - a new 'pasture' if you will.
Some ants continue to care for aphids overwinter, when otherwise they'd die. The ants carry aphid eggs into their own nests, and will even go out of their way to destroy the eggs of aphid-predators, like ladybugs.
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Microhylids – or narrow-mouthed frogs - have an interesting symbiosis with Tarantulas.
While the spiders could very easily kill and eat the much-tinier frogs, and DO normally prey on small frogs, young spiders instead will use their mouthparts to pick up the microhylid frogs, bring them back to their burrow, and release them unharmed.
The frog benefits from hanging out in/around the burrow of the tarantula, because the tarantula can scare away or eat predators that normally prey on tiny frogs, like snakes, geckos, and mantids. The tarantula gets a babysitter.
Microhylid frogs specialize in eating ants, and ants are one of the major predators of spider eggs. By eating ants, the frogs protect the spider's eggs. The frogs can also lay their eggs in the burrow, and won't be eaten by the spider.
So it's less 'livestock' and more like a housepet - a dog or a cat. You stop coyotes/eagles from hurting your little dog/cat, and in return the dog/cat keeps rats away from your baby.
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Damselfish grow algae on rocks and corals. They defend these gardens ferociously, and will attack anything that comes too close - even humans. They spend much of their time weeding the gardens, removing unwanted algaes that might overtake their crop.
The species of algae that they cultivate is weak and and sensitive to growing conditions, and can easily be overgrazed by other herbivores. That particular algae tends to grow poorly in areas where damselfish aren't around to protect and farm it.
Damselfish will ALSO actively protect Mysidium integrum (little shrimp-like crustacians) in their reef farms, despite eating other similarly sized invertebrates. The mysids are filter feeders, who feed on zooplankton and free-floating algae, and their waste fertilizes the algae farms. Many types of zooplankton can feed on the algae crop, and the mysids prevent that.
While Mysids can be found around the world, the only place you'll find swarms of Musidium integrum is on the algae farms that Damselfish cultivate.
Damselfish treat the little mysids like some homesteaders treat ducks. Ducks eat snails and other insect pests on our crops, and their poop fertilizes the land. The ducks can be eaten, but aren't often, since they're more useful for their services than their meat.
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There are SEVERAL species of insect and animal which actively farm. They perform fungiculture and horticulture: deliberately growing and harvesting fungus and plants at a large-scale to feed their population.
Leaf-cutter ants and Termites both chew up plant material and then seed it with a specific type of fungus. The fungus grows, and the termites/ants harvest the mushroom as a food source.
Ambrosia beetles burrow into decaying trees, hollow out little farming rooms, and introduce a specific fungii (the ambrosia fungi), which both adults and larval beetles feed on.
Marsh Periwinkles (a type of snail) cultivates fungus on cordgrass. They wound the plant with their scraping tongue, then defecate into the wound so their preferred fungus will infect it and grow there. They let the fungus grow in the wound a bit, and come back later to eat.
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the vitriolic hatred most people have for things that look weird is so upsetting to me sometimes :(
#update in my search for bristleworm names i came across a newscast from a few years ago where#some fisherman pulled up a big bearded firewormnin their net and shared a video of it#and the whole newscast was ppl being like 'ewww what is that thing' 'if i pulled that up in my net id kill it'#'im never going in the water again ew ew'#like. guyes. its a fucking worm#and its. not even that big. AND its not even native to texas one just got washed thru currents from the Mediterranean (supposedly)#like. shut upppppppppp its just a worm#i see that SO much w ocean stuff specifically snd its like.... its not actually that scary. come onnnn.#its sooo much more fascinating than anything else. and lo and behold the ONE (1) scientist they talked to#was immediately like wow thats incredible and started asking questions. like. aaughrhrghh idk.#its only 8am ive been up for like 3 hours im rlly tired i dont have words yet.#but can we stop immediately wanting to kill every sea creature that gets pulled onto land by mistake. can we stop. youre so annoying.#youre not cute for going ewwwww gross youre just. ignorant and frustrating. head in hands. theyre not some alien monster.#its literally a worm#its a worm! thats all it is! its a worm with unique adaptations to help it survive in a harsh environment#and just because you think it looks weird doesnt mean it deserves to die#ARUGHGHGHHH ppl that dont listen to scientists make me insane. ppl that blatantly ignore science make me SO isnane.#go read a book. go look at a picture of a worm.#GO TO A FUCKIGNGG AQUARIUM FOR CHRISTS SAKE. do u KNOW how many of these bitches ive pulled out of tanks??? theyre everywhere.#and yes we killed them but like. not bc theyre ugly and gross but because too many of them become a pest species#and will literally kill all ur fish. its a balance. like literally everything else in nature. we kept a lot of them!#becasue when a fish dies theyre one of the most efficient decomposers and theyre an incredible help wirh water quality.#we had a tang die in a place that was completely inaccessible to us without breaking a huge coral colony so we couldnt get to it.#letting a dead fish sit in a tank is a death sentence for that tank usually. but we had enough bridtle worms to eat it#thay thing was gone in like a day. with only a minor spike in ammonia. it was insane.#anyway. sorry. got heated abt worms.
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ari-shipping-stuff · 1 year
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ahajahagagajahagaghahahahahahaha i hope you die :) /nbh
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headspace-hotel · 1 year
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nature things that a lot of people don't know about and weren't even taught about adequately, but they're actually really fundamental and important to know about
how rivers work. Where do they get started? how do they decide which way to flow?? what makes one river muddy and the other one clear?
[They flow downhill. Always. If a river is flowing a Way, that way is Downhill. They start with rain flowing or soaking downhill until it forms into a little trickle through a channel like a gully or drainage ditch, and the farther it flows the more other trickles flow into it from the land around it, until you have a stream, and the streams all flow downhill until they run into each other, and eventually you have a river which finally reaches the ocean. Rivers never flow FROM the ocean because the ocean is the most downhill you can possibly go. I don't think rivers usually split in two—a fork in a waterway is usually two rivers joining together.]
[On the subject of pollution, rain is usually supposed to soak slowly through the layer of leaves, roots, and dead plant material that covers most biomes. But if you tear up the plants and leave bare mud, or replace a forest with a muddy cow pasture, there's no filter, and mud and contaminants wash into the river. Just plain mud can be pollution.]
how soil works. What makes different soils different? Why are some soils good for growing a garden and others terrible? Does it need more fertilizer?
[The sand, silt, clay diagram is very simplified and only deals with one aspect of soil. Roots, soil animals, fungi, and dead plant material are all part of soil and affect its structure, making it spongy and full of holes and passages for nutrients, water, and new roots. Tilling can break hard soil, but tilling doesn't make soil light, fluffy, and permeable—disturbing the soil as little as possible, protecting it with a layer of plant material, and allowing the natural life forms of the soil develop their networks and tunnels and slowly break down the plant material layer does. This is also very simplified. Soil is COMPLICATED.]
what fungi are, and whether they are dangerous.
[fungi cannot harm you unless you eat them or unless they're growing inside your house and you're inhaling their spores in a concentrated space. There's like, one species in Japan that causes skin irritation. You can touch any other species without any harm whatsoever. *Most* of them don't harm your garden either—in fact, most plants connect their root systems to the fungal mycelium in the soil and receive nutrients from the fungus in exchange for the products of photosynthesis.]
Whether lichen harm trees
[no. They're just hanging out. But a LOT of lichen on a tree might be a sign that the tree is dying. It's not the lichen's fault though.]
What moss is??
[it's a plant, but a very simple plant that doesn't have any vessels for transporting water, so it has to live somewhere damp and soak it up like a sponge. There are hundreds of species of moss, and different species live on the side of a boulder vs. the top, or a living tree trunk vs. a fallen dead tree trunk!]
where bugs go in the winter? I straight up had a book as a kid that told me that they just die, without explaining how the species doesn't go extinct if the winter kills them all.
[Tl;dr they're usually hibernating in fallen leaves and dead wood and plant material. Some do this as eggs or larvae/caterpillars; in this case the adults do die, but their children sleep peacefully through the winter to awake in the spring. And still others hibernate as adults. This is why you don't clean up your flower beds until late spring.]
How Many plants there are
[WAY more than you think]
How ecosystems work apart from "everything is out to get everything else and take resources from other organisms."
[Competition and cooperation are both important in ecosystems! Weeds are competitive and they can choke out other plants, but they also protect the soil from erosion and harsh sunlight, keeping it moist and helping organic matter to build up. A lot of plants, when they're young, need to be sheltered by other plants that protect them from dryness, heat, and herbivores. This isn't even getting into how some plants will send nutrients to seedlings or to understory plants in a forest! Before industrial agriculture made monocultures dominant, people used and were familiar with cooperative relationships between plants a LOT more.]
The range of creatures that are pollinators, and how important the variety is.
[Bees, wasps, butterflies, moths, flies, ants, beetles, hummingbirds, and bats are all pollinators, and flowers are usually shaped and colored and scented to attract particular pollinators. Bees can't do everything, and honey bees are only one kind of bee. Red flowers and long tube shaped flowers are often for hummingbirds, pale-colored flowers that open at night need moths, and flowers that give off strong foul odors often attract flies. It gets WAY more complicated than that—sometimes a flower is only pollinated by a single species of bee or wasp or beetle.]
How many bees there are besides honey bees
[LOTS. And you've probably never seen most of them, if you don't regularly spend time around native plants! There are 140 species of longhorn bee alone, and most people haven't even heard of longhorn bees! There are well over a hundred bumble bees too! Bees come in bright, metallic green, blue, and pure gold. In the USA where I live, some of the most endangered bees are the adorable, fluffy bumble bees—the American Bumble Bee is threatened, and we have some species, like the rusty-patched bumble bee, that are critically endangered.]
[Please, please, please do not use pesticides on plants unless it is a necessity, and please do a LOT of research on the specific pesticide you are using and its effects on non-target insects. If there is any alternative, Do Not Do It. ESPECIALLY not pesticides that come in dust or powder form, ESPECIALLY in the USA, because regulations are so loose here that regular people can buy pesticides in dust form that are horribly toxic to bees.]
[How horribly toxic? A pesticide like Sevin dust will cling to the fuzz on every single bee that visits your plant—like pollen—and those bees will probably die. And in social bees, before they die, they will take the poison back to their hive (like pollen) and potentially kill the entire hive.]
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reasonsforhope · 7 months
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"Any good gardener knows what a good de-weeding can do for a vegetable garden. As it turns out, it’s much the same for coral reefs.
Following a volunteer “sea-weeding” program launched in Australia, scientists are witnessing compounding coral recovery both in quantity and diversity, and suggest that this simple method has the power to transform degraded reefs overrun by macroalgae.
In a balanced ecosystem, macroalgae is kept in check by the size and health of corals, but as extreme weather events or coral bleaching causes some sections of reef to die, macroalgae has no other neighbor keeping a check on its spread.
Over a period of three years, the joint Earthwatch Institute program led by James Cook University Senior Research Officer Hillary Smith and Professor David Bourne, also at JCU and the Australian Institute of Marine Science, has organized volunteer citizen scientists to help remove macroalgae at two experimental reef sites.
The results of the first three years of work and study have now been published in the Journal of Applied Ecology, and they show a 600% increase in coral recovery rates.
“It’s just like weeding your garden,” Smith said. “Every time we return, the seaweed is growing back less and less, so this method could provide lasting benefit without requiring endless effort.” ...
The importance of the study, Smith details, is that a lot of reef recovery efforts globally are powered by expensive, high-tech, and experimental solutions. The study hoped to show that manual de-weeding was just as effective, and thereby encourage organizations or nations that lack the tech or funding of a country like Australia to pursue sea-weeding as a way of protecting their corals.
“We have yet to see a plateau in coral growth within these plots at Magnetic Island, which is characterized as one of the degraded reefs on the Great Barrier Reef,” Smith said. “We also found an increase in coral diversity, so this method is benefitting a wide range of different coral types.”
Smith said her team are now scoping other locations where the sea-weeding technique could be useful, including the Whitsunday Islands, which are home to a different species of predominant seaweed.
They also want to employ them in French Polynesia, Indonesia, and even Singapore, where experts have identified out-of-control macroalgae spread along coral reefs."
-via Good News Network, September 19, 2023
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generalsmemories · 11 months
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How do I tell my husband he got scammed into buying a lion?
✧ jing yuan x gn!reader
✧ summary: during one autumn afternoon you're suddenly faced with another one of your husband's impulsive purchases. only that this time it's a living being.
✧ content: established relationship, fluff, humor, might be a bit ooc
✧ a/n: hello there hsr fandom! i have unfortunately lost the battle against myself on making another sideblog for jing yuan, the man who has singlehandedly occupied my mind since his first appearance in the beta. i do hope that this will actually appear in the tags, but every infomation you would need if you want to request something is all up on the blog if you so wish! i hope we can have a pleasant time together !!
also this is not beta-read, we die like how fast my resolve to not create a jing yuan blog died.
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Being the spouse of the Arbiter-General of the Xianzhou Luofu comes with it's share of benefits and disadvantages. For one you're regarded at a higher position than most of it's citizens, often being stopped on the side of the road when taking a walk to exchange numerous pleasantries with merchants from outside of Xianzhou, various store owners or cloud knights on duty.
Another factor is shouldering the burden your husband has on his shoulder, an oath you had taken yourself the day you accepted Jing Yuan's nth proposal. You considered that a fair trade with his vast knowledge and insight into a possible future and doing everything behind the scene to avoid colliding headfirst into said problem. A feat that attracted you towards the general in the first place, minus his dashing looks of course.
The biggest disadvantage of publicly announcing that you were indeed the Arbiter-General's significant other was doing everything within your power to not throw your husband's famous title away for a newer, more terrible one. (more utc!)
Because as you see him walking up the steps of the Seat of Divine Foresight, your gaze is not locked with your husband's smiling face, rather it's fixated on the small being he has cradled in his arms. The soft smile you had quickly spreading into a more nervous and confused smile as you glance over at Qingzu, the counselor looking at you with just as much confusion.
How in the world did you manage to leave him alone out in the market area for an hour and he comes back with a lion cub?
"[Name], darling! Look at this grimalkin that a merchant had!"
A what now?
"... A grimalkin, you say?" Every book that has recorded history had specified that the grimalkin species had gone extinct, and you were well aware that your husband knew this fact. And yet here you were, faced with his smile directed down towards what you can clearly tell is a lion cub, his thumb pressing down at its paws affectionately.
You're starting to think that Yanqing's impulsive purchases with his sword collection aligns with your own husband's impulsiveness.
Coughing loudly into your hand, you take a deep breath before descending down the stairs to be on the same level as Jing Yuan, peering down onto the cub's face. It was indeed cute, and judging by how enamored Jing Yuan is, you can clearly tell that it's small stature is what attracted him to it in the first place.
Oh he's going to be crushed when it grows up, "It's adorable, Jing Yuan," you settle on saying, waving a finger over the lion's grimalkin face, the animal lifting its paws to try to grab it. You shoot a look towards Qingzu, a silent command for her to look into which outer merchant was now scamming people into buying literal lions. The counselor quickly excusing herself to look into the matter immediately, Jing Yuan only giving her a smile and a wave of his hand as she scurries down the stairs.
"Right? I decided to name it Mimi," he muses, and your heart breaks a tiny bit for him, but there are more pressing matters at hand than the fact that your husband once again got scammed because he was most likely bored out of his mind.
You would rather that the Xianzhou citizens know him as "The Dozing General" instead of the general that gets scammed a few times too many. How does one even go on about trying to tell their husband that the grimalkin in his arms is actually a lion?
"A fitting name indeed," you mutter, raising a hand to caress Jing Yuan's cheek, a simple gesture to make the general direct his attention to you. However, you could still see that his guard was slightly up with you. You only chuckle at that, leaning in to slide your lips over his own, Jing Yuan wasting no time to press back.
Another well hidden secret reserved for the walls of the Divine Foresight is the fact your husband is incredibly weak for his own spouse.
"... Want to tell me how much you paid for Mimi, dear?" you ask in a whisper when your lips part, thumb caressing over the mole under his eye.
Jing Yuan merely smiles, twisting his head to press his lips against your hand instead, "It was from my personal wallet, dear. Please don't fret over the small details."
"Darling, I hope you're aware that the small details would be the necessary funding for accomodation, toys and food, right?" you say with a chuckle, your husband freezing with his ministrations upon remembering that fact.
Oh well, you want to see how long it takes before your husband comes to realization that it's a lion. You just have to be extra vigilant towards the numerous fundings in the meantime.
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While scrolling through your schedule for the next morning, your phone dings with a message from Qingzu. You quickly look down at Mimi whose resting on your belly and then at Jing Yuan whose sleeping self is still snoring away by your shoulder before letting out a small sigh in relief that the loud noise didn't awake any of them.
Qingzu:
Do I even have a say in this?
Was the message sent by Qingzu, attatched to it is a picture taken of what you can only presume is one of Jing Yuan's "diaries". The contents of it making you let out a low laugh, the shaking making said man beside you grumble before pressing his face into your neck.
Attatched image:
"Eventually, I paid hefty sum for the grimalkin, named it "Mimi", and took it home. Only that I'm too busy with official business and have little time to take care of Mimi. After thinking it over, chores like feeding it and changing its water should also be entrusted to Qingzu. I do wonder why [Name] looked so distraught when they first saw Mimi though. Maybe they didn't think I would favor the petite and small animals instead of the usual large and strong ones?"
[Name]:
So Qingzu, do you have an idea what the easiest way to tell someone they got scammed is?
Qingzu:
That is the role of the spouse, not the counselor.
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