#youre anti feminist you're a misogynistic

[apostate-in-an-alcove]

I need all the anti feminist girlies to realize that most of the reasons their lives are difficult is because of late stage capitalism and the still existing system of patriarchy, not feminism.

[marcos--budt]

Alt right conservatives 🤝 left wing liberals 🤝 dehumanizing women

[hadeantaiga]

You know, I do appreciate that we have at LEAST managed to get to the point in the transandrophobia discourse we're at.

For AGES, literally YEARS, it was "don't use THAT word, figure something else out!" and so we kept changing words.

Finally some of us dug in our heels and said "No, we're not changing it again, just admit this isn't about the word, it's about silencing us because you don't think we deserve to talk about this".

And now the discourse is overall less about "pick a different word" and has moved on to "fine, we'll use your word, but only to mock you because we're finally admitting we don't think you're oppressed and in fact you're actually the oppressors".

This is still a silencing tactic, of course. They're now poisoning the word by marking everyone using it as "truthers", and associating it with being a transmisogynist or an MRA. They also attempt to claim that everyone using the term is white - they do this to erase the POC in the movement. It doesn't matter that the things they say are not true: it's all about controlling the conversation and keeping us quiet.

And this is the same way people have always treated people perceived as female or as women who step out of line - which is how a lot of these people still perceive transmascs, trans men, and some nonbinary people. We're just stupid, delusional little white girls who don't know how good we actually have it. Yes, this is transphobic, sexist, and misogynistic. Yes, it is racist in that it erases trans POC.

Hell, some of them even try to claim we have "afab privilege", which sounds an awful lot like how anti-feminist cis men speak about cis women, claiming cis women somehow have a privileged position in society over cis men.

It's misogyny, sexism, and transphobia, which are all aspects of transandrophobia. These are mixed in with a hatred of masculinity and specifically trans masculinity. It's clearly something unique, and aimed at transmasc people (though anyone can experience it).

In trying to silence us, they just keep proving transandrophobia exists, over and over.

[i-cant-sing]

Okay but this has to be one my fav tropes ever:

And i can imagine the following characters for it:

DABI, because ofc he's the OG no. 1 nonchalant bad boy with childhood trauma pro max. Ofc he fits this trope, and yes he'll burn the world, burn himself for reader.

Bakugo, grumpy LOUD boy but gets quiet when you're around so everyone thinks that he must really hate you but he's just actually shy around you and wouldn't want to spook you away.

Naoya Zenin, for some reason, but like he's more obnoxious than grumpy, but he still fits the trope because I know Naoya, at least Naoya in my AUs, will grovel for reader but only the very few times that he fucks up so badly that yalls relationship is about to end. Otherwise, no. He'd still play the "ew, I hate women. Anti feminist🥂 bleached rat. Misogynistic and sexist rich dude" but only in public. In private, he's somewhat nicer to you.

Toji Fushiguro? Yes, because there's no shame in being on your knees for the woman you love and convince her to give you another chance and take you back. And it's not because he wants your money, no no, in fact here you go baby- take his card and spoil yourself. He's sorry for pretending he's poor before, but take him back... he's not leaving your doorstep until you do.

From my OCs: Theodore (my mute assassin/spt with 100% anger issues is quite literally obsessed with reader) and also Mahir (my suprr smart lawyer OC who owns his firm and but everything from scratch- he won't grovel... but he'll be panicking on the inside. Rest assured, Mahir doesn't fuck up much because he has too high IQ)

[cupcraft]

And since im sick of seeing it. Calling out misogyny and understanding how misogyny as a system of power influences and rewards abuse is not "hating men cryptoterf bioessentialism" on principle. Please please pleasee stop. TERFs win when you narrow down their violent white supremacy and patriarchy as just "hating men", terfs win when you refuse to acknowledge the patriarchy as a system critically and how it rewards certain abusers, terfs win when you cannot see that misogyny does inform some abuse. Terfs win when you see bioessentialism as calling out misogyny and not what bioessentialism really is (which is why bioessentialism is so fucking horrific of a place to go down). TERFs win when you water down their arguments and refuse to engage with feminism at all.

TERFs are a group that reinforce white supremacist patriarchical systems and are not feminists. You being uncomfortable saying misogyny exists and can inform abuse is not the "fight against the terfs" you think it is. You must be able to dissect and talka bout misogynistic abuse and patriarchy and you cannot let terfs existing pull you away from that, because if you do they are winning their propaganda war.

We can live in a world where we critique terf talking points because they are in fact dangerous and violent and contribute to anti-trans violence and laws being on the rise. But we also need to NOT let terfs disallow us to speak up against misogyny (a system they happily reinforce, making it that much more important to engage in). Also seeing patriarchy as a social system does not equate bioessentialism, and please dont water that term down (because again, it is equally important we speak out against those dangerous arguments when they happen).

I say all of this because for the past two weeks i have seen discourse after discourse upset misogyny in MCYT is being called out by tumblr users, even fellow trans tumblr users, and whenever ccs come forward about it it is crickets to critiquing them like people are doing on here. Please get comfortable engaging with conversations about misogyny and how it intersects with the abuse allegations that have come out, Please get comfortable engaging with how misogyny has influenced normalizing abuse in these cc circles (as stated by multiple victims and witnesses). Please get comfortable because it is important you unpack it for the safety of victims.

And if you come out of this thinking "well i guess you're a terf who hates men" you have missed my point and this post is not about hating men it is about unpacking misogyny as it intersects with abuse in the cases that have come up in the past few weeks. If a terf sees this post please dont interact I do not want your bigoted bullshit staining this point at all.

You are free to add on and educate me on anything by the way. My anons are only off because of the harassment I had already gotten two weeks ago.

[thecameronchronicles]

Best Friend's Girl

Best Friend's Girl

TW: Smut, cheating, language. Fluffy also intense first time sex with vulgarity of quelling and praise kink ;)

Word Count: 2100

You had been dating Topper this last summer. In contrast to your past, he was everything a good girl like you deserved. He pulled open car doors and convinced your parents he adored you, which he did, all while making you question if they preferred him over you. He even brought you a flower every week to commemorate those you were together as boyfriend and girlfriend. 

But being entangled in the handsome Thornton also meant you were subjected to those within his life. Among them was his mother, who was perpetually over eager to correct you. And then there were his friends. Kelce was easygoing, if not a bit of a negligent guy who followed more behind his friends than leading any life of his own. But then there was Rafe…

The eldest Cameron sibling was six foot two, blue eyed, and got under your skin like nobody else could or ever would again. This was because he tormented you with silence.

It began the night you met with scoffs and comments to others in regards to how you were too 'pure' and ‘boring’ for Topper. But just as you knew Rafe's reputation for being gluttonous in everything from drugs to girls, he knew yours for your chastity, grace, and polite quietude unless spoken to or otherwise provoked.

Which he did.

Constantly.

But the moments became more direct towards the end of the summer. This came in the form of his eyes following you shamelessly around as you dressed scantily in a bikini, hung over your boyfriend with the intent to annoy him, to even something as innocuous as reaching popcorn on the top shelf, only to turn and see his eyes raise, which exposed him for having been shamelessly staring at your ass. And the most aggravating detail was brazen in his smirk in knowing he had been caught.

"I've been thinking-"

You quickly gasped, raising your hand to your chest as if simulating a heart attack.

"Must be a strange feeling for you..." You teased, carrying your bare feet across the cold tile before coming to the cabinet harboring the bowls. Pulling one down, you felt a collision in the form of his frame.

"Rafe-" You spoke in frustration before watching him pin one arm on either side of you until you were at his will.

"You think you're cute, don't you? Think you can say whatever you want and get away with it?" He slowly shook his head in disapproval.

"Top needs to keep you in check. MY girl wouldn't get away with the shit you do-"

You scoffed at his misogynistic and anti-feministic response as he continued.

"If you walked around in front of MY friends with your poor excuse of a swimsuit, I'd rip it off of you with my teeth, bend you over the closest surface, and make you cum  over it so you thought of what I'd do the next time you tried to dress like that-" Your lips parted to object, but his words emerged swifter than anything you could accumulate.

"Or...I'd leave handprints on your ass so everyone knew you could be looked at..." His hand collected your chin, surprising you with his kindness, as he leaned closer.

"But only I could touch you-" You became lost in his eyes for a moment, your body betraying you against the way their cool blue irises left a false sense of security compared to his words. You knew if you allowed his words to be made a reality, even for a minute, that you would loathe yourself beyond what you could handle. 

But that was the final reason you hated Rafe....because of just how badly you actually desired him.

"Trouble finding it babe?" Topper called from the living room as this prompted enough of a reality check to push Rafe off of you. But you fumbled to pour the contents of the pre popped kennels into the bowl, clearly affected by his words, as he chuckled at you.

"No-I-I've got it-" You offered an answer back, pushing beyond your flustered body while feeling him watch you in amusement.

"Shit...He REALLY needs to do right by you-" Your eyes rose to him in a glare.

"He is!" You spoke in annoyance, mostly originating from his effect on you.

"No, sweetheart...because if he was REALLY taking care of you..." He moved back towards you, eyes sharpening, smirk widening, and breath temporarily stilled before speaking. "Then you wouldn't be so damn tense. He'd have you so damn satisfied, you'd feel high..."

"I'm-" Before you could iterate how Topper was everything Rafe wasn't, the reasons waiting on a list at the tip of your tongue, his hand was on your hip.

"Please." Your plea was weak, defining the detail behind it to act as consent as you did precious little to convince him otherwise.

"One finger-" The rush of his bare finger to your equally naked pussy sent your expression to lift in disbelief. Not only had Topper never touched you, nobody had-at least not like Rafe was now.

 The thickness of his forefinger in the added chill of his signet ring acted as a barrier to the depth in which he penetrated into you.

"Please don't-" But again, this wish was taken as he listened more to your body's response than to your words.

"Two fingers? Okay baby..." His middle finger slipped effortlessly inside of you, the pressure sending your fingers in a harsh grip to his plaid button shirt, now wrinkled by your hold. 

"Anybody could see-"

"Okay, if you insist, here's three...." He ignored you once more, the stretch of his ring finger bringing you to imagine if this was how he would feel inside of you, pulling apart your virtue with the cock you craved when you were alone. You envisioned him in ways you shouldn't have, and yet, you were shameless in the darkness of your room. Every fantasy paling in comparison to how erotic this moment felt.

"So wet for me baby, making it so easy to make you feel good..." He explained through clenched teeth, your grip eating harshly into him, as he only seemed to find motivation beneath your clutch.

"But you gotta be quiet, because either way, I'm not stopping until you cum..." Your lips parted to the eroticism behind his words as he now carried his thumb to your clit.

"But I want to be the only one to see that pretty little face twist in pleasure..." His smile returned and manipulated his focus.

"Because of me!" He was adamant, fingers pumping and thumb circling as you buried your lips into his shoulder.

"I've seen the way you look at me...You've wanted this...and I want to give it to you-" He was relentless, abusing the untouched pussy weeping at his mercy.

"R-rafe..." You groaned into him, body beginning to tremble to signal a coming release.

"More...I need more.." You called beneath a whimper as he scoffed.

"You want my cock?" The way he was straight to the point made you even more eager as you nodded.

You wanted to lose your virginity when you were in love, possibly even with music or candles. At least, that is how you hoped and even imagined it would go. But at this moment, you didn't care. You wanted him to keep going. You NEEDED him to keep going.

"You've been such a good girl for me...You deserve to feel good..." You nodded in agreement as he turned you away from him.

"Want me to be the first in that tight little pussy?" His hand gripping your hair, lying you against his shoulder.

"Yes."

"Then you gotta be good and quiet for me...Then next time, I'll let you scream as loud as you want-"

"Next time?" You questioned turning to face him before feeling him bend you forward. He was almost immediately undressed from the waist down in seconds, his cock freed by his quickened motions. Without the need for further foreplay as you were nearly dripping down your own thighs, he teased your folds a handful of times before finally sliding in to you.

"I'll go slow-just to keep you quiet...just at first.." He groaned into your ear as you were frozen by the immense pain from his size bringing you to tears. To amend this, he brought pleasure via your clit.

"Almost all the way baby, keep relaxed for me...That's right...just like-" Sliding in an inch every few seconds, you took him entirely before feeling him release an agreeable exhale.

"That..." Your fingers clawed at the counter as he tightened his grip once again.

"This pussy..." His hand lowered from your neck. 

"Is mine." Your lips pulled to breathe as his second hand wrapped over your lips.

"I know it's hard baby, but you gotta stay quiet...just until I cum...you wanna make me cum?" You nodded, willing to agree to anything as long as he continued. But on the cusp of this desperation, he used it to test your sensitivities by twisting your nipples between his fingers and returning to your clit, alternating as you rolled against him.

"So fucking tight...so good-all for me" He groaned once more, speaking low and gradual, as your body reacted in convulsions to his praise.

"Rafe! Rafe! Rafe!" You warned in quick succession, as your mouth pulled to a wide oval, your nails drawing blood to his hungry touch, and your breath erratic but quiet to refrain from being discovered.

"That's it...good girl...cum for me...let me be the first-"

"Oh god..." He devoted to your clit, flicking and squeezing its delicate and now fleeting virtue as the rush of an orgam sent you nearly limp.

And yet he didn't stop.

"Rafe-" You warned. "It's too much-"

"I know you can do it baby, so goddamn perfect for my cock...make me cum...come on baby...so good...so fucking good..." You clenched at the idea of continuing further-the stimulation making you whimper as he would then silence you with a kiss.

"Goddamn, Top is missing out-" The guilt when mentioning his name brought you to turn to face where your boyfriend remained, separated by a wall. All while you were being pinned and fucked by his best friend.

"Don't worry. You have me...I'll make you feel good baby. All day. Whenever you want-" He spoke in low, almost guttural, narrations that lessened your guilt and worsened your excitement.

"However you want...just-" He gripped your hips harshly. "Just so good for me...so fucking tight." You reclined back against him.

"Coming, babe?" Topper called.

"She's cuming!" Rafe responded, not caring to hide his mischief.

"Gotta cum baby or we're gonna get caught."

"Rafe-" He knew the tone in your voice was spoken in a coming rejection. Therefore, he sent you forward into a bow while he held you down via the back of your neck with one hand and continued his circles of overstimulation with your clit.

"Fuck...You're making me cum...SUCH a good pussy...good girl...MY pussy-MY girl..." He breathed behind you, thrusts turning sloppy as your body seemed to depart from you as a new wave of pleasure took over you completely. A sudden gush sent you to blush as he chuckled in how you soaked your own feet as well as his flip flops in your second and final release.

"Shit...." He turned you to him, his own release now mixed with yours.

"Please, no more..." You whined as he grinned.

"Not tonight. But from here on out, you are mine, yeah?" Drawing out these words, he quickly dressed from behind you as you sheepishly pulled up your clothes in the nick of time as Topper rounded the corner.

"What the hell is taking so long?" He questioned with his usual charming grin as you wondered if he could tell that Rafe was walking away with your virtue, still worn as evidence over his feet.

"You're right....something IS off,” He began as your heart nearly lept from your chest. 

“Just can't quite put my finger on it..." Rafe held a handful of popcorn, using this as an illusion to suck what remained of you from his fingertips, locking eyes while licking his digits clean. 

You swallowed hard.

You wondered how it had transpired so quickly-why you had allowed it to. You had Topper. Sweet, sensitive, even sensual Topper. But he wasn't what you truly wanted. What you wanted was passion. 

The danger. 

Even the uncertainty. 

And you craved it.

More each day.

Each second.

Until you could have it again...

[hello-nichya-here]

one quick glance at your profile tells me that you are, like most zutara antis, a pickme woman with internalized misogyny. praying you finally wake up and see the light one day sis.

"You don't agree with my basic bitch opinion, about something completely personal and insignificant to society as a whole, that I've deluded myself into thinking is revolutionary and world-changing stuff, therefore you're a bad woman who is womaning wrong!" Let me guess: RadFem?

Go outside, touch some grass, get a real problem and a real personality too. Maybe you'll meet a real feminist on the way. Who knows, maybe you'll even meet an actual misogynist and find out what real hate towards women looks like, instead of just "I don't like this boring ship between the two characters that spent 90% of the show not giving a damn about each other."

Also there's no need to hide behind "pickme woman", we all know you mean "slut who doesn't know her place" like every misogynistic incel ever because zutarians are infamous for being incredibly sexist behind their fake-ass "feminism" that begins and ends with "Everyone needs to agree with me at all times, because I'm a woman."

[stil-lindigo]

if you can't understand why women would be apprehensive of someone born and raised male gaining access to spaces that are supposed to be free of them, you're the one who lacks empathy, plain and simple. you speak like you think radfems are just angry at trans-identified males who "are too ugly to be women", when it's just basic awareness that changing your pronouns won't undo years if not decades of misogynistic socialization and physical disparity. you're arguing against an imaginary strawman.

sure, logically I can understand people being apprehensive of male presence in female spaces, but the jump to the assumption that every trans woman is a malicious rapist in disguise is completely insane. The idea that any cis man would willingly subject himself to the relentless abuse and societal ostracisation that trans people undergo just to gain access to female spaces is laughable and your use of language like 'trans-identified males' is so clearly flippant of the entire identity that I really don't know what else to say. I never said that terfs are just "angry at men too ugly to be women" but hey, transvestigators do that job for me by attacking cis women for being too tall, having too broad shoulders, too sharp of a jaw and, of all things, for the shape of their fucking vulvas. I hope that as well as a so-called feminist, you also call yourself a loud and proud bigot against the entire queer community since it's just a fact that without trans women, we wouldn't have rights as a whole. we owe so much to people like marsha p. johnson and if you can't recognise how much of a red flag it is that terfs have literal neo nazis sieg-heiling alongside them and alt-right politicians rushing out anti-trans legislation like it's a fucking race then I think you're just unreachable.

and just for good measure - a post on nazi dogwhistles that are a core part of terf ideology.

[nervoustragedyluminary]

Having a femdom kink isn't a replacement for feminism and doesn't necessarily make you an ally to trans women or someone who combats transmisogyny

Doing the performative "I'm not like those other icky men you can trust me look how much I put down those gross sexist pigs/effeminate fake men" song and dance isn't supporting trans women or fighting transmisogyny especially when the trans people you're lying about aren't being transmisogynistic but are talking about their experiences as trans people with transphobia some of it lateral from within the community but the majority of it from cis people

Harassing and threatening trans men mascs neuts intersex people or anyone who you decide is a or is empathetic to "theyfab trender transandrophobia truthers" isn't supporting trans women

Victim blaming mocking people's trauma and denying that what they say happened to them happened isn't feminist activism

Talking like a chaser about trans women interspersed with posts about how "we need to kill/rape transandrophobia truthers they are whiny bitches unlike me I'm a good boy I suffer in silence for my goddess dommy mommy transfem betters like a reel man™" makes you look fucking sus and it's creepy and fetishistic as fuck and seems to be more about something you're trying to work through than about actually supporting trans women genuinely as people beyond your fetishizing stereotypes of them

Like you can be into femdom with consenting trans women that's not the issue it's the using of this dynamic of "look at me I'm a very special boy I hate other trans mascs" transandrophobic and frankly transmisogynistic shit masquerading as "solidarity" from some people I see littered all over tags where people are talking about their real traumas and struggles that makes me gag

Like it's so self centred to as a trans man make your "Im supporting trans women" action all about trans men and mascs and hating them and telling them to shut up

like you're literally not centring trans women you're centring trans men as an excuse to play "I'm a real man because I suffer in silence and you don't " shit like trans women aren't misogynistic cishet men they see through you trying to do that chasery "pick me" shit and no actual advocacy for trans women beyond "harass these trans guys for the good of trans women(most of who never asked or wanted us to harass anyone) "

Actually support trans women and fight for them and with them without dehumanising & objectifying them & yes putting them on a collective pedestal they didn't consent to for your femdom kink and trying to claim that is the same as being anti transmisogyny is objectifying

"benevolent" sexism is still sexism. Trans women are women they are human people not sexual objects to use for your own inferiority complex or kink or to work through your own guilt surrounding being a trans man

[happystings]

I am going to make one thing fucking clear.

Not all nonbinary people look the same, and if you say that they do, you are an asshole. My mum, a 40 year old afab person, identifies as nonbinary/gender fluid and uses she/they pronouns. She does not look like how transphobes describe nonbinary people as. They have wrinkles, shoulder length hair, are a midwife, have natural hair colour, wear "normal" clothes, use their birth name, and have four children. Yes, they have dyed their hair a couple of times, but that's the extent of her presenting nonbinary. and even then, hair dye is for everyone, not just enby people.

And you know what else my mother is? She's a hardcore feminist. She believes in women being able to dress however they want without fear of consequences such as rape or sexual assault, which ties into their beliefs of women deserving bodily autonomy, especially when it comes to reproductive rights. She believes that feminism is good for everyone, and that the patriarchy affects all people, especially LGBTQ+ and BIPOC individuals, as well as other minorities. They believe that women should have equal opportunities in life, and that they shouldn't fight against other women, and instead should work together to help fight unfair treatment, and the double standards that are extremely harmful to women. And even though she's non binary and gender fluid, she still identifies with the label "woman" because she feels as though it is a major part of her identity.

she's spent her whole life facing discrimination as a woman, and fighting to be treated equally as men, so when you stereotype all nonbinary people to look or act a certain way, you're also stereotyping a forty year old feminist who has been fighting gender norms her entire life, only for you guys to alienate her, and consider her misogynistic for simply using a label that feels comfortable for them.

If you consider yourself "anti nonbinary", I think it's time that you reconsider how "inclusive" your feminism is, and maybe even change your harmful belief system to be more kind to those who are different from you.

[istumpysk]

The problem is you guys are taking 100% of Jon's name, and 40% of Sansa's name.

You're demonstrating a clear gender bias with your chosen pronunciation.

That's wrong, and you should feel bad.

The n in Jonsa comes from Sansa, not Jon.

You can't say JOHN-sa.

You absolutely cannot say his name!

You're perpetuating a system of patriarchal norms.

In order to ensure fair and equal consideration for both Jon and Sansa, it is imperative that we use distinct pronunciation that does not prioritize the male sex.

Jon + Sansa = Jonsa. JOAN-sa.

JOHN-sa is regressive.

JOHN-sa is misogynistic.

JOHN-sa is anti-feminist.

[femsolid]

the more I learn about feminism, the way society favors men, male violence, porn and so on, the more hopeless I feel. I read one news article talking about how the UK police uncovered several forums distributing AI generated illegal content involving children and it was my breaking point. it was too much for me to handle.

so here’s my question, how do you keep yourself from falling into despair when you learn about horrible things (towards women and children) happening? I’m considering taking a break from the internet at this point.

Consciousness raising is about learning how men function as a class but it's also about learning that you're part of a class too. You realize that you are part of something bigger than you, a very old battle for freedom. This should make you feel strong, not weak. Upon realizing what men have done, what they still do, the magnitude of systemic misogyny, you should feel angry and embolden, not hopeless. And most importantly you should feel a deep sense of solidarity with other women and relief because you're taking control of your life, you are starting to live for yourself and not for men. You should feel vindicated and free, like you're leaving a cult, the patriarchal brainwashing, behind.

So why is hopelessness taking over? Well you mentionned taking a break from the internet and not from feminism which is more telling than you think. Is feminist consciousness the problem or is it the fact that you're being bombarded with negativity, male violence and misogyny on the internet? Once you are aware of what men do, do you need to be reminded of it everyday? Do you need to know in gruesome details what men do to us and what the latest act of male violence and perversion is? If it makes you feel hopeless then the answer is no. Because of course it's going to affect you. "True crimes" doesn't need to be your hobby, you can unfollow those who only post upsetting and traumatizing content and step away from any platform that dwells on negativity. Yes it's fine to take a break, regroup, recharge your battery. And it's fine to leave an Internet community altogether. Do what you need to do.

The despair you feel also typically comes with passivity or the feeling that whatever you're doing is not working. You can't expect to feel energetic and joyful if you sit passively observing what men do to us or if you try to reform the patriarchy. Either way the patriarchy remains in place, so of course it's gonna feel hopeless. The minute you start to take steps towards radically changing your own life or helping women and girls (or both) you'll start to feel better. You need to use what you've learned. The despair comes from not feeling useful.

Also look at what women and girls are doing. The separatist communities, lifestyles and events, the successful boycotting, mocking and ruining of misogynists, the support networks, the increased awareness of women and their subsequent lowered tolerance for abuse and day to day misogyny, the way women speak up everyday in ways they never did nor could before. We are in the middle of an anti-feminist backlash, that's why men are pushing for porn, bdsm, extreme objectification, karen, bitch, terf, femoid. For them to be so vehement about feminists, on every side of the political spectrum no less, they have to feel threatened. That's because women have progressed a lot. It's women's independence, women's sense of unity, women's sexual autonomy, women's speaking up and women's confidence that they feel the need to attack. So that gives you an idea of what we're doing right and what we should focus on. It's far from hopeless.

[daffodilmornings]

Fuck your antisemitism & misogyny. Remove yourself from the internet forever.

It's hard to believe someone thinks this of me, so I'm sure you're confused anon. I am an anti-zionist, which means no I don't believe in a Jewish state caused by genocide. I also don't believe in a non-religious state caused by genocide so, like, relax. Maybe I just don't want everyone to die.

Also I'm not a misogynist. I am a pro-trans intersectional feminist that will focus my efforts on pointing our flaws in our patriarchal society, comforting women being hurt, but also being a realist and knowing some women also hold the patriarchy and use it against me (NO NOT TRANS WOMEN TRANS WOMEN DO NOT HOLD PATRIARCHAL POWER OVER YOU BUT WHITE CIS WOMEN CAN AND DO). But that doesn't make me misogynistic.

So leave me alone. Also maybe leave the internet and talk to a real human, cuz it actually doesn't matter what I believe I'm not a politician or influencer or anything.

[pansyboybloom]

Wait so I'm confused here so bear with me; That post about the tmra thing, what is your stance on trans men talking about the issues affecting them specifically? I'm genuinely asking, cos it doesn't seem clear where you stand on this or how you view folks talking about trans man/masc issues specifically.

I know that seems weird to ask but I'm now so cautious in online trans space cos I apparently "don't have it as bad as a trans women" whenever I talk about my experience in the health sector dehumanising me and with queer spaces demonising me as a trans man or overall men or attractions to them, which just hurts because we have our unique issues. I'm just trying to understand what you feel.

You're welcome to ignore this if you want. /gen

this got soooo long im so sorry, but i wanted to give you a genuine answer so here we go!

so the person i was vauging about is a proud mra, like. 2014 men's right's activist opinions. obv im not gonna post his URL bc im not about that kind of life, but it's Bad. like, i 'explicitly hate women and im blaming them for the patriarchy hurting me, esp trans women' bad. the dude is a total douche.

now, as for us talking about our issues-- disclaimer here, i'm a white, gay, relatively gnc trans man who lives in the southern USA and passes well and im using that as my jumping-off point. I've been reading into some theory lately (whipping girl is great so far), but this is mostly my own experiences, not theory, based. I've mentioned it before, but i don't believe in misandery, and in that vein, i think that makes the concept of 'transmisndry/androphobia' misguided. in my interpretation of my transness, as someone who's lived as a woman for 19 years and a man for 5, I'm not facing discrimination for gaining manhood, but instead for losing womanhood. I'vd talked about that here and here, in reference to this quote but here are the highlights that are related to my opinion on being punished for leaving womanhood

trans men, on the other hand, are reaching for that 'ideal'[malehood]. we are trying to leave behind the despised and weak [womanhood], and that's so silly, so pathetic, you stupid little girl, you really think you can be the top in society? that's why radfems and similar 'feminists' say we are betraying our sex; they see it as leaving behind safety (women) for the enemy (men). to them, we are leaving them to rot in alone womanhood while we try to become the privileged ones stepping on their necks. this is also why the narrative surrounding trans women is predatory and sexual-- women only have power through sex, so a man would only want to leave manhood for sexual gratification-- while the narrative for us is that we are pathetic and tricked. women are stupid and delusional if they believe they could ever leave behind our oppression for privilege

and

that's why i don't see me being discriminated against as a trans man as something uniquely tied to anti-maleness / misandery/ androphobia / etc, but instead, just a facet of transphobia and misogyny (as well as ableism and such for me personally, but im talking bigger picture). I'm seen as a ruined woman because i betrayed gender roles. to them, im not transitioning because i am, ya know, actually a man, instead, i'm purposefully clawing my way out of the pit and hightailing it to the top, which is threatening. society doesn't like when women (trans men) are suddenly trying to be a class that is protected and privileged. im not transitioning to get access to privilege, but that's what it looks like to a transphobe, be them conservative man or radfem. im scary because im rocking the boat, not because im masculine, and they hate me because im showing their binary and hierarchy are false, not because im masculine. im stupid and delusional and a failure and a silly little girl and a bamboozled idiot tricked by trans women as well as a ruined woman and a rotten woman because of misogynistic binary power structures, not because im a dude. ya know? anyways, what holds me back is the gender binarist, cissexist, transphobic, and misogynistic stew that affects all trans people, just differently on a systemic and individual level

but i dont want people to think that we don't face our own issues. for example-- despite being on t for like 5 fucking years, I've had my period come back multiple times after switching back to gel. i panicked and went to a doc the 1st time, worried i was idk, dying, and she blew me off as not knowing my body and being hysterical. now do i think this was because i was trans? yes. do i think it was because i was a trans man? yes. but not because of the man part, but because of the 'was a woman' part. this doc was not seeing emil, the man, she was seeing emil, the stupid little girl who is playing pretend, and as such she treated me with the same disrespect she would a cis woman, just with different pronouns. I've found that most discrimination i have faced has more to do with people still seeing me as a woman and treating me as such, even when i pass and am very clearly a man.

now, do i think masculinity in the queer community is seen as bad? to an extent, yes, but i think that comes from gender essentialism more than any kind of misandry. butch women are abandoning 'the right kind' of womanhood, so they're bad. masc nb people, gnc people, and masc men are leaving behind the 'palatable' version of queerness that is, for lack of a better word, tied to femininity from a binarist and essenalist viewpoint. this femininity is an insult, wrong, so it is expected of queer people. this femininity is fake, easily dominated, flimsy, and docile in the eyes of a binarist and essentialist society. so queer people, who must be fake, easily dominated, flimsy, and docile to be safe for cishet society, must not be masculine. and like i said, even then it has to be the right kind of femininity. just ask any femme lesbian or trans woman or gnc trans man, like i am. we are punished for being feminine 'wrong' -- i could talk about this for hours, but i won't take up too much of your time haha. basically, i think that masculinity is punished in the queer community not bc of misandry/androphobia but because in the queer community, masculinity is being practiced in a way that breaks the norms we have internalized. it alllll comes back to the binary, gender essentialism, and misogyny.

obviously, my opinion is not the end all be all, and i welcome other takes and thoughts, (esp on this ask haha), but when it comes to other trans men, the insistence that a) misandry/androphobia/male oppression is real b) trans women are the cause of the problem or bad for calling us out when we say something gross and c) we don't need to do any soul searching on our own binarist, essentialist, or (trans)misogynistic thoughts, are when i have a problem. not when trans men want to talk about the oppression they face. i should be able to talk about that doctor's appointment, and you should be able to talk about your life experiences! just be sure not to fall into any internalized bigotry unintentionally in the process.

does that help? pls let me know if it does or doesn't, if it doesn't id love to dm and chat more

[hello-nichya-here]

Pffft in what fucking way radical feminism is about apologizing abuse?? xD

Hun if you have no what you're talking about just don't talk about it, don't embarrass yourself

Glad you asked!

First we have this very thing that you're doing right now, which is shutting down anyone who mentions that radfems can be abusers. Major red flag whenever someone's first reaction to hearing "Someone in your group has been abusive" is to immediately get all defensive and say "NO ONE HERE WOULD EVER!"

Secondly, we have the very thing that made me point out that radfems are abusive as hell. I pointed out that a stupid radfem was insisting that I was being abused because I like kinky stuff, and then had the nerve to go "You deserve to be beaten until you get brain damage." Saying that some people just "deserve" to be mistreated is abuse apologism 101.

And since we're talking about people who "deserve" abuse according to radfems, let's look at the list of women you guys have thrown under the bus:

1 - Women who have been abused by other women. After all, "rape is a male crime" according to you guys.

2 - Women of color. You guys always get hella defensive whenever a non-white woman points out that radfems are often racist as fuck, and pull stuff like basing their list of "how to spot a tranny" on racist shit like literal nazi propaganda posters to help people "spot jews." And let's not forget the large overlap between plenty of radfem groups and white supremacy groups. Oh, sorry, forgot we're not supposed to mention all that so we won't "devide the comunity."

3 - Bisexuals who experienced abuse by a male partner, since we "choose" to associate with men despite having the oppornuity to date just women, like lesbians do (What? That sounds just like incels who are mad women only go to "jerks" instead of "nice guys" like themselves? Impossible! That would mean radfems feel entitled to sex and believe women DON'T get to say no!)

4 - Lesbians that are not "gold star lesbians", aka who have had sex with men at some point. After all, they're inferior since they didn't have stuff figured out right away, or had no choice but to stay in the closet for years and years due to where they live, or, ya know, were raped. Too bad for them, they were touched by man, therefore they're icky.

5 - Asexuals, because you guys will just hate one ANYONE apparently, even someone who just says "I don't really wanna fuck anyone".

6 - Trans women. After all, you guys literally admited that you made up the whole "predatory trans in the bathroom" myth just to have an excuse to hate on them. And let's not forget this also led to shit like radfems trying to spy on other women in the bathroom to "make sure they're really women." After all, trying to see someone naked without their consent is totally what normal, not at all creepy people do.

7 - Kinky women! After all, we are brainwashed by the patriarchy, and need you guys to step in and save us from ourselves, because YOU know what makes US comfortable or not. It's for our own good really. It totally isn't just slut shaming with some pseudo-feminist terms thrown in the middle.

8 - Sex workers. Once again, they need to be saved from themselves - and that rescue includes ignoring them when they say "your way of helping us in dehumanizing, robs us of our agency, and often ends with us being thrown in prison." And lets not forget that some of the anti sex-work laws you guys swear exist to protect victims of human trafficking who were forced into prostitution often end with said victims thrown in prison anyway because surprise surprise, demonizing people for harmless shit makes a target no matter what.

9 - Any woman who doesn't like that you bitches are constantly associating with the alt-right - including the most violently misogynistic members of the bunch - just to get more political allies. Does it ever cross your mind that if THE biggest women-hating scumbags around think you are "one of the good ones" that shows you totally fucking failed to "rebel against the patriarchy"?

And there's also the group that you guys refuse the acknowledge the most! Men who were abused by women. After all, that doesn't work in your fantasy world where men always hold all the power in every situation, and women are always powerless. No way things could be more complicated, even with misogyny still sadly being a thing, no, no. It has to be an Us VS Them.

So, no acknowledging all the times young boys get sexually assault and are mocked for "complaining that they got laid", even when they're minors and their abusers were grown adults. No acknowledging that while women are more likely to be victims to domestic violence, people often refuse to understand that men can also victims of intimate partner violence - even if said partner is a woman. We can talk about abusive fathers, but not abusive mothers. We can talk about how abusive males tend to become cops, but not about how abusive women tend to become nurses.

And, once again, not ever, ever, ever pointing out that radfems are ALWAYS going on about how some people (in this case men) DESERVE to abused. After all, that will totally make it "fair" after all the shit women endured, since THIS is the way to deal with society's problems: you make sure they hurt as many people as possible instead of just your group.

So yeah, you guys are abuse apologists. You always have been. Now either become a decent person or die mad about it, bitch.

[lesbianp1lled]

it's so lame that we even have to identify as 'gold star' lesbians at this point in human existence. unless you live in an extremely homophobic country, there just isn't a reason for a gay person to force themself be intimate with the opposite sex, period. that's self-r*pe to any actual gay person and the mere idea has always disgusted me, even when I tried to convince myself I was bi because of comphet lol (I do live in a pretty homophobic country where I've never seen a gay couple hold hands publicly in almost 30 years.. ). I've never accepted even a single date with a man, 0 intimacy (ew), because even despite being able to realize/ accept that I was a lesbian only in my early 20s, I've always instinctively known I'm gay. most people do, and thus physical contact with the opposite sex who we're not attracted to is abhorrent. that's why I think women who've had het sex and still claim to be lesbians are either fakebians or have 0 self-dignity and a desperate need for attention to the point of jumping on a d*ck for societal approval, and I'll never understand that/ f*ck with that. that's the most anti-feminist bs, I know so many straight women who didn't have sex before like 30 because they hadn't met a man they loved and trusted enough. virginity is lauded in women so there's no pressure to be with men either. so there's no justifying being with males while claiming to be a lesbian lol.

I actually needed to went about sth personal as well and since I sadly have no lesbian friends, this is the best option. basically all my relationship attempts have ended tragically because all my crushes have been het or bihet women. I live in a tiny ass country so there simply aren't enough lesbians yet there are thousands of drop-dead-gorgeous het and bihet women and I am simply a woman with eyes, what can I say.. all the actual lesbians tend to be butches, and don't get me wrong, butches have my whole heart, but I'm a femme-for-femme kinda gal, I can't help it. I am conventionally attractive and work hard to stay in shape but I'm no supermodel either and actually insanely beautiful women scare me a bit so I'm just looking for sb on the same level. I don't want to feed into the stereotype about lesbians being unattractive, I don't think that's true. but in my country it tends to be the case, which is especially jarring because the straight women are outstandingly beautiful. ofc looks isn't the main thing I'm looking for but I don't want a romantic relationship with sb I'm not even attracted to. I've tried that and it didn't work, it isn't fair on me nor them.

I've also graduated from every level of education with the highest honors, I'm a uni lecturer since 20, I have my own company, everyone tells me I'm one of the nicest people they know and I still can't find a gf who'd like me as much as I love her?? that's what's truly enraging, to see all these amazing het and bihet women genuinely love and give their all to these misogynistic subpar beer-bellied males who use them as personal maids while I can't find one (1!!) woman to love me as an objectively good-looking feminist they could 100% relate to and be in an equal/ synergetic relationship with.

I'm sorry but heterosexuality truly is a masochistic self-destructive condition in women, I know it's innate but it's true.. inc3ls (including the trans kind) have no idea what real hardship is in dating women. it's seeing the fugliest moids get with the most kind, intelligent, ambitious and hot women only to drain them from life and self-respect and not even appreciate getting with a woman waaay out of their league. while you are on that woman's level but she'll never love you even if she's bi because ultimately you just don't have a nasty dangler in your pants which doesn't even satisfy her anyway. so you just seethe in your justified bitterness and try go on with your life despite feeling like no woman will ever love you, not because you're unlovable or in any way unworthy but simply because you're a woman.

it hurts so much to see all these hot lesbian couples online, it just feels surreal, like where are these women? all I see is obese goofy-looking 'polyamourous' aka promiscuous bihet she/they qWeErs who want to use me as a s3x toy with their disgusting boyfriend.

and this brings me to my ex. she was the one I gave a chance to because she was the first woman to make a move on me, she told me I was perfect, we talked for hours every day for months, went on dates, she fantacized about living in a house together etc, only to randomly ghost me, tell me our relationship meant nothing despite me having admitted to her I was already traumatized by bihet women leading me on. and then ofc she got with some receding neckbeard guy who looks like he could be her uncle not long after lmao. after legit telling me she detests men and would Nevvverr date one again, that I was her perfect woman. so all she gave me was trust issues that all women are secretly bihet c*cksuckers who will eventually leave me no matter how perfect and lovable I am. I know this can't be true but it truly feels like that. she just got married to that male (probably partly for a visa lol) but she certainly tries to convince herself and others desperately she's madly in love with him while watching all of my insta stories in 2.3 seconds for some reason, I've muted her so I found out about her marrying months later.

maybe she knew I was far out of her league and randomly sabotaged our relationship, because it was such a shock out of a blue sky to me. thankfully I wasn't fully in love yet and dodged her (mentally unstable) bullet but we need to address the trauma these bihet women leave us with. because that's entirely valid and not our fault, not everyone has the privilege to date fellow lesbians when finding a real one who isn't a fakebian feels impossible to begin with. I also hate the infantilization of lesbians, she definitely used me for her idiotic little 'sapphic daydreams', f*ck that, we are not some uwu fairies, we are grown women and we are just as entitled to only date people we're physically attracted to as het women. as I said, I wasn't even that attracted to her but the knowledge that she got hetero married while larping as some grand qWeEr feminist who will never date males again hit me like a truck. she's out to the world while I'm only out to my friends and some family because I could be discriminated against at my homophobic workplace. the fkn iront in that.. she even started identifying in plural after meeting him lmaoo, she must've realized that she really is just a measly hetero and no longer has a way 'in' to the lgbt thing she desperately wants to co-opt. she's 100% a poli-qweer lol.

I hate that I'm even allowing myself to be traumatized by her, she's unworthy of that but I can't help it, every romantic experience only worsens my trust issues with women and my current crush is bi as well.. at least she doesn't lie about liking men which is still off-putting but at least she's honest. idk what to do anymore. I'm just livid at this homophobic heteronormative world and the way the hets just keep getting away with it. I nearly threw up at the sight of all het couples today.

and bihets are the worst male-worshippers out there as well, they put up with so much more bs from men than decent self-respecting het women do. and they're desperate to be with a man at all times. some time ago I went out with a bi woman who I didn't know was bi, she presented herself half-virginal, did mention two exes, male and female. but turns out she has slept with every other man in town, brags about it online as if that makes her a 'bad bitch' , no hun, just an unpaid prostitute for patriarchal pleasure.

the only consolation is that het relationships are never equal so they will not have some idyllic marital bliss with their ugly moids as they desperately want to pretend. but still, they have such immeasureable social privilege being het-attracted and -partnered and then they have the audacity to larp as some great qWeEr activist publicly without any shame in their hypocrisy. god I wanna expose her fake ass so badly, tell everyone what a lying bihet charlatan she is. I might never be able to get married in my country because I'm actually gay and she's unapologetically prancing around with a husband when she said she'll never date a man again. as gay people we grapple with so much baseless misplaced shame while the het fakers seem to feel none. meanwhile there are lesbians all over the world forced into loveless het marriages to be r*ped by their husbands. unspeakably disgusting. sometimes I just want to vacate this abhorrent homophobic planet but can't let the homophobes win.

sorry for the long rant but what do you think I should do going forward? I feel like I'm succumbing to complete bitterness and despite not envying the misogynistic relationships of heteros, at least they have the opportunity to be in romantic relationships without fearing being discriminated against, disowned or hate crimed, no matter how flawed their relationships are. meanwhile I'm just getting older, I might still look 18 but I feel like I'll die before a woman of worth will ever reciprocate my love. where to move, where are the actual lesbians?? how to deal with the bilious defeatism and, tbh unfortunately justified victim mentality?

I'm sure a lot of lesbians can relate to my experiences and I would really appreciate them sharing how they got out of this hole/ repeating pattern of dating women who were beneath them and unable to actually love women romantically/ sexually. at this point I'd do anything to even have a woman sexually objectify me at least 😩

oh, and what's notable is that despite never having been in a proper committed relationship and having these failed traumatic attempts, I have never resented women as a whole. women owe me nothing, but the women who have literally thrown themself at me only to lead me on like I begged them not to deserve no remorse. and I haven't lost my mind or general will to live either, I thrive academically and at work, I entertain myself and enjoy my time with family and friends. I don't normally hate on other people in relationships for no reason either, just in a really bad place rn lol. I think it's important to note for all of the lesbophobes out there who call us 'lescels' and compare us to r*pe-loving misogynistic incels who think they should own women as sex toys. I've never resented a woman like that even if she's hurt me beyond words, that shit is just degenerate y-chromosome scrote coded. lesbians will never be able to oppress women, not even if some have unrightful disdain against women because we are the ones oppressed by hetero-attracted women.

also hate we have to identify as gold star lesbians because surely it makes sense that a lesbian wouldn’t ever sleep with a man? But so many call themselves lesbians even if they have slept with a man which is a false identity for them because a lesbian just wouldn’t sleep with a man. But the whole ‘gold star lesbian’ thing started as a way for straights to make fun of us. They’d say “Oh you haven’t slept with a man? Do u want a GOLD STAR?” so when I call myself a gold star lesbian i’m mostly just reclaiming it and saying yeah I am proud of it, and yeah give me a gold star! Lmao

I won’t go into everything you said because i’ll be here all night but I’m also a femme mostly attracted to other femmes and it is true most lesbians are butches which makes our dating pool even smaller. I don’t rule out butches completely, I have found some attractive I’m just mostly attracted to femmes and I’ve never met a butch irl I’ve known other femme lesbians though.

What I think you should do moving forward? Is not to lose hope. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Get in touch with the local community, if you don’t like going to nightclubs u could always join any events or anything like that, a good way to feel in touch with ur local community can be things like volenteering and the like.

I know it’s hard out here for lesbians but you will find your person. My dms are always open if u wanna vent or just talk!