the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

Yesterday my sister was going to complain about how things could have been different with our parents but stopped herself and said "No use treading through the multiverse"

Sooo true bestie that's going straight into my lexicon

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

kind of weird how parts of your soul are left in various locations without any warning… like yes i’m always at the top of that hill, sitting at the bus stop, in the cool light of the Japanese restaurant, standing at the pier etc etc

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

“It is spring! It is spring and it hurts! It is spring and it hurts and I refuse to give up the hope that better times are ahead! It is spring and better times are ahead! It is spring and I am always putting love into the world and it is always returning to me!”

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly. It's not the shattering itself that breaks you—it’s the silence that follows, the quiet space where you realize there’s nothing left to salvage. And in that moment, you know that you’ll never be the same again. You’ll build something new, perhaps, but it will never be what you lost.”

~F. Scott Fitzgerald, “Of Love and Loneliness”

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

The most handsome sheep I’ve ever seen

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

"I am living badly, disgracefully"

~Nero Claudius Caesar

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

Anger is such a horrid emotion; it eats away at whatever little logic we had swirling around in our heads. To be angry is to drown and scream at the same time, to be angry is to feel the anguish of many years culminating in a moment of deep frustration...but not all anger is equal.

There is a peculiar kind of anger, a strange one, the object of which may seem to be a loved one but it is not; it is more so the shadow their past casts on them than it is them. A kind of anger where your soul screams "I want to hold you, not hit you! I want to absorb away your pain and toss it back into whoever inflicted it upon you! ".

It is not vengeful, it is justice-seeking, it is forgiving, it is tired. It is loving.

"I will avenge you, no, us, with love...I will avenge us with hope and love"

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

study tips: don't abandon your hobbies

it's the age-old question - how do you prioritize academics without letting it become your whole life?

in the long run, devoting 100% of your time to schoolwork will not make you more productive. we all need hobbies. i'm not talking about the kind of hobbies that build your resume, either - we all need something that's completely separate from our academic and professional lives. the separation is healthy, and it helps protect mental health and guard against apathy.

what i've learned over the past few years of college is that you just have to make the time. that sounds overly simplistic, but i mean it - every week, i set aside a few hours on friday afternoons where i forbid myself from touching any schoolwork. during that time i'll crochet, or play a video game, or read a library book that's completely unrelated to any of my classes.

this doesn't always work, especially if i'm cramming for a midterm or final, but the point is that i'm setting a consistent boundary with myself. there's always something else to get done, but by forcing myself to set it all aside for a moment, i know i'll return refreshed and reinvigorated.

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

Woolly I would die for you

Woolly the lamb

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

“I am what I am Leila… and if there are self-made purgatories, and we all have to live in them, mine can be no worse than someone else’s”

First of all, goddamn.

Secondly… being on the enterprise, with Jim, is his self-made purgatory. Feeling friendship and feeling ashamed. Never quite belonging in one world or the other and never quite being able to commit to one half of himself over the other. It makes a lot of sense why at the start of the first movie he’s left to try and have all the emotion excised from him. Anyway.

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

— Nizar Qabbani

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

Man I hope autumn is gentle on me, I'm so tired

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

They should invent someone who loves me back the same amount I love them

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

we should start making zines about cool research papers

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

I just want you to put flowers on my grave

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

— via whoriyat

[the-cosmic-faustian-starkiller]

"I am pained by my history, thus I have abandoned all ties to it, yet it still haunts me, and you are lucky enough to have been loved and to have somewhat lived experiences which I have not just as I have lived experiences which you have not; you were loved, I was not, even if it matters little to you, it would have kept me alive during my many deaths, and I am expected to act as if I am unbothered by your tethers to the peaceful parts of your past, I hand out clean white canvases and I receive floral muddy ones and I'm expected to be grateful...and I know you're not at fault, I acknowledge that I am the wrongdoer of us two, I acknowledge that you are right and I am wrong, in spite of all the moral relativism I apply to others and by which I judge them...I could never apply it to you. I concede to the truth that I cage your freedom, I am sorry, it is the only way I know how to love. I am sorry, the shame will eternally eat away at my conscience and at my core, forgive my brutal teeth, forgive my the sharp corners of my heart, I have lost everything that I have ever allowed to own me while haven't owned them myself, forgive me for wanting equal possessiveness, forgive me, please, please, please, forgive my sins, please, tell me that you're willing to worship me as I am you, I am my own martyr, just forgive me so I can go on the unavoidable path that has been forged for me, just comfort me that I have not bled you dry. I can't ask you to shed your past skins for me as I would have done for you; it would be wrong of me to ask, and I can't ask you to remorph yourself for me as I would have done for you because it too would be wrong of me to ask, I wish I could just allow myself to love you selfishly just I would have allowed you to love me, I wish you would just allow me to love you selfishly just I would have allowed you to love me."