the-questioning-system

[the-questioning-system]

my brain when the trauma chopped me up into multiple people:

[the-questioning-system]

tryna figure this out is confusing there’s so many different people up in my head but I’m always front u feel me

Plural culture is finding something that describes you (partial did, I'm always front stuck unless in extreme situations), but not knowing if it's viable and then not feeling valid and wondering if it's made up

.

[the-questioning-system]

after discovering I probably have OSDD, my other parts ran and hid, which made me feel like a fraud, but now I’m havin another wave of symptoms and my parts are making themselves known again so uh. hey 😃👍🏽 my lesbian, cosplaying as a cis woman, gay trans man parts are duking it out in my brains and it’s freakin me out a lil

[the-questioning-system]

it’s so exhausting feeling like a hundred different people and absolutely no one and nothing at the same time. My voice/accent has been so foreign to me lately and I haven’t been able to get my “real” voice/accent back :/

-Nameless Spectator ⁉️

[the-questioning-system]

Main alter went dormant. She was the closest thing we had to a person. Now we just feel blurry, void, empty, foggy, vague, literally no personhood/identity/sense of self. The body is lucky someone in here knows how to shower and brush our teeth because we just feel like we a robot on autopilot. None of our names resonate. The only words that resonate describe dissociative disorders, personality disorders, trauma, and lack of identity themselves. I feel nothing. What do I feel? Apathy. Emptiness. Boredom. Loneliness but im too distrusting and I hate people actually. Who the fuck are we. Who am I. We are no one. I am nothing. I don’t even fucking exist. I’m a figment of my own imagination.

[the-questioning-system]

two modes. two perspectives. two systems. colonial medical model, and an indigenous cultural model. what I say was my ancestors protecting me in the presence of colonizers (code switching uncontrollably) the colonial medical model would say was my “alter” or “other part” stepping in to protect me from trauma and fulfill a duty I could not myself.

-Pågo, Narcisa, Apathy, Limerence, Poison

[the-questioning-system]

People with complex dissociative disorders often have difficulty processing or expressing emotions. This can look like any number of things. For example:

Emotions being dramatically dissociated into individual parts, such that a host part feels limited to no emotion, but there exists another part who does nothing but cry, and a part who feels such incandescent rage that they are unable to function properly

Emotions being muted and difficult to parse from each other; alexithymia stemming from trauma / abuse

Emotions being largely dissociated, with random bursts of emotion that are scary and overwhelming

Emotions being very sharp and present, but jumbled and often in combination with each other. This may create an impression of being flaky, fickle, or difficult to please

Emotions cycling too rapidly to properly identify them or process how they are affecting individual parts or the system at large

This is a non-exhaustive list. Feel free to add on your own experiences.

For those who are interested, I also have some resources for emotion regulation, as well as some free strategies shared by my therapist, under the cut.

First, I know this has been said before but it really does work wonders, you need to pay attention to your vulnerability factors. Vulnerability factors are elements of your environment or internal experience that make it more difficult to self-regulate. A somewhat common community term for these is forks (in relation to the spoon theory). Common vulnerability factors include lack of sleep, hunger, and needing to use the restroom. Adequately caring for your body's physical needs allows for more complete emotion regulation and more energy to go toward emotion processing when it's needed. If you are sleep deprived, for example, and then become triggered, you're already expending so much energy just to maintain functionality that you're less likely to be able to prevent yourself from doing something you'll regret, like snapping at a partner.

I'm also happy to provide an overview of a few emotion regulation tools from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy.

Positive Psychology has a set of three emotional intelligence worksheets (link) that are a good jumping-off point for exploring where you're at in that regard and strengthening your emotional intelligence skills. The emotion regulation questionnaire (link) is a clinical tool that can also provide some insight.

First, there's the STOP skill. STOP stands for Stop, Take a Step Back, Observe, and Proceed Mindfully.

When you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, or think they may be at risk of controlling you, force yourself to freeze in place. This prevents you from acting impulsively and doing something you'll regret. Try to name the emotion(s) you're feeling as descriptively as possible.

Then take a step back and give yourself some time to contemplate the situation with a little space from it. It's not often that you have to make a split-second decision based on limited information, so don't try to force yourself to do so.

Take in as much information as you can about the events taking place around you. Ask questions of other people in the situation with you. Try not to jump to conclusions, or listen to your automatic negative thoughts, which are based on an outdated belief system.

Use questions like "what are my goals in this situation?" and "how can my decisions impact the outcome?" to guide your decision-making process as you proceed.

Then there's the Opposite Action skill. This is the one that I use the most in my daily life, as a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. Opposite Action encourages you to reject the impulses you feel when you experience a strong emotion, and to instead do something that is the opposite of that. A few examples (mostly dealing with anger, because that's where I use this skill the most):

When I feel frustrated or angry with a console video game, I want to throw the controller, so the opposite action I choose is to press the buttons very gently and deliberately, without force. (Consequently, I also notice more success when I do this!)

When I feel angry with my partner's behavior, I want to yell at xem or say something that will hurt xem, so the opposite action that I choose is to gently explain my feelings and ask them to explain what happened from their perspective.

When I feel ashamed of something that has happened to me, I want to isolate and hide from the world, so the opposite action I choose is to share my feelings (and the event, if I feel capable) with someone I trust and love.

The last skill I want to overview is Cope Ahead. This is a skill in which you practice ahead of time to figure out how you'll deal with a situation when it arises.

Step 1: Identify a situation that may cause you discomfort or strong emotions. I generally prefer to be more on the vague side, because details will vary and that allows me to get more mileage out of my cope ahead, but you should do it however is most helpful for you. Make sure you check the facts and carefully identify the emotions that might arise and interfere with your skills.

Step 2: Pick out your coping and problem-solving skills ahead of time. This is where Cope Ahead gets its name. You identify a situation and then decide in advance how you're going to react to it, allowing yourself to rehearse the possibilities and decrease the chances of acting impulsively*.

Step 3: Imagine yourself in the situation. Picture yourself going through it in the first person, not as though you're watching a film about yourself.

Step 4: Rehearse your reactions to the situation and any strong emotions it may bring up. Rehearse your thoughts and behaviors. Practice coping effectively until you feel like you can ace it. Do this in as many sessions as you need.

Step 5: REST! Do something that brings you peace to care for yourself after each session.

*Impulsive behavior is something with which many people with BPD struggle, and DBT was originally developed to treat BPD, despite its applications in other fields.

Sources:

DBT Tools (link)

Positive Psychology (linked above)

My therapist (can't link that one, sorry)

Also, I've taken DBT twice through and am licensed to teach it.

[the-questioning-system]

identifying. documenting. mapping. tedious. laborious. indigenous. dissociative. self medication. modalities. spirituality. it’s all coming together. who are we? who are you? where are we? when are we? what are we? we are a collective

-Pågo 🌺 Narcisa 🌔 and Apathy ❓