thelovesicklostones - Tumblr blog

[thelovesicklostones]

Yandere friend group server

I'm so happy to announce this! Me and beloved put together a fun little server, this server? Well its nothing fancy but it's to put together a group of more possibly extreme or often viewed as 'toxic' irl yanderes and irl sh0ta's and lol1's, we are trying to make friends that are like us! Here you can get to know people whom are like minded but still have normal ol' friends! Your safe here no matter your views or beliefs. Come come! Lets get to know eachother! As a heads up this server probably won't be good if your a recovering yan <3

[thelovesicklostones]

Being a sweet innocent boy

Grgrgrgr holding back the dirty and dark thoughts from them because if they do anything I want it to be from their wants and words I don't wanna influence them but fuck their so hot. Their barely do anything but holy fuck they can do anything they want to me! I don't care I don't care I don't care I want to be their good boy they made me like this and I'm PROUD I am proud of how I've been taught by them. Their so hot. I love them, I wanna be broken, I wanna be soft and innocent and god I'm trying to shut these thoughts out because there to dirty for such a good boy like myself.

God if only I could be yanked and pulled over the behind of a couch and my feet kicking as I'm spanked and belted and lectured for thinking such innapropiate dirty thoughts till my ass is welted, bruises, and sore for two weeks. I can't even spell my mind is just RACING! MY HEART IS POUNDING IN MY CHEST FANTASIZING!

[thelovesicklostones]

TW!: This post mentions fucked up topics, if can't handle violent fantasies don't proceed

God i dont usually make posts like this but I wanna be fucked up so bad i cant think straight, manipulated and battered, and used and beaten till I can't take more! I wanna be used until I'm scared to leave their side. Scared to leave their house and scared to move from where they tell me to stay. Imagine how exillerating it'd be? To be a little boy toy to someone whomst you adore and fucking love? Imagine being taught how to touch them and they promise they won't break your ankles if you do good enough at pleasuring them only to break them anyways and scold you for not doing a good enough job, but leaving soft kisses on your cheeks after shattering your ankles and shaming you?

I wanna feel more adrenaline, I've been broken in my life to a point of having a pretty hiccupy mental state! And holy fucking shit I wanna feel alive I wanna feel that adrenaline. I wanna be scared of the shit that is gonna happen to me, I wanna not know their next move, I wanna feel them corner me and i wanna feel small and like I can't escape from them. I want them to make me cry, I want them to manipulate me and BREAK ME, mend me to be ok with every little word and action they do and make me even enjoy it. I wanna be rewarded with sweet little kisses and aftercare and it be considered a reward to be aloud to eat at the table with them instead of being forced to eat on the ground.

I want them to choke me, I want them to use me however they want and make me feel guilty if I complain and break me down even more if I fight against them.

I wanna be treated so extreme if it stops I feel like I need to get on my knees and cry and scream for them to love me, and I wanna see their abuse as love.

[thelovesicklostones]

My tummy hurts, theres two things I could accept to make me all better

Rub my belly and hold me close and comfort me and give me booboo kisses

Cut my stomach out and scold it for hurting

[thelovesicklostones]

Shame of a little one

You know, I am very ashamed of being a little. I have tried to remove that part of me but not anymore! Because this is who I am. I love my Abbas so so much, this isn't a 'coming out' post as I hinted to this in my previous posts. But I wanna say how much I love my abbas I'd do anything for them. So what if I'm weird? When it comes to them I couldn't care less. I love being their pathetic baby boy and I always will, and that's all I need to be. All I am good for is being their little baby boy.

I am their baby

I am their toy

I am their pure angel

I am small and innocent

I am NOTHING but theirs.

Abba knows best.

[thelovesicklostones]

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to I love you to

[thelovesicklostones]

[thelovesicklostones]

Why am I hurt?

I don't get it I don't get why I pull this shit, I wanted attention that's it yet here I am crying by myself like some useless stupid child. Which honestly it feels like I am one at this rate. I just wanted their attention I wanted attention yet now they turn their back to me? I don't fucking get it I think I made them hate me. I shouldn't have ever made myself vulnerable like this I should of stuck to my original fucking plans then I wouldn't be in pain I don't know if this is what you'd consider guilt or not. But I guess I did something bad but I'll be honest I really didn't try to do something bad just I got so angry and I just did. They don't even want me anymore they hate me I shouldn't ever made myself vulnerable I shouldn't have made myself known they never actually loved me. They faked it I shouldn't have trusted them.

I don't know why I acted out like that I really really don't I don't get why I do these things. I don't get there guilt, I don't get why my whole bodies going fuzzy and I don't get why I'm crying over something this pathetic I feel so small. I wanna apologize and as per usual I don't apologize because if I do I'll look like I'm weak. But I wan them to come back but I know they'll never want me again because I keep fucking up and I went to far. Why do I get so angry? I do love them just I can't fucking show it right. I shouldn't ever thought I could be more then this why did I try to open up and soften up when I just ruin everything I touch. Everything I leave or create in my tracks always ends up broken or hideous.

I wish I was never born, I wish I was dead, all I ever do is ruin everything I touch. Nothing I do is good enough I don't belong here, nobody actually wants me and I can't do anything right. I shouldn't have thought they'd stay I knew eventually I'd fuck up and make them leave me alone to. I am a total fucking mistake and an accident.

[thelovesicklostones]

Tw: manic vent

They don't love me they don't they love their cat more then me its not fair the way they talk about that useless ball of flesh and fire is way more lovey then me. They hate me I don't think they love me it hurts so so bad I wanna cry it hurts I love them why don't they love me as much. Im supposed be number one and they were even listing ways their cat is better then me. I hate everything I hate being alive I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it their supposed to love ME. They lied I think they lied and they don't love me most they hate me I am pretty sure they hate me. Said i cause these problems and that problem I hate myself i hate living if I can't be perfect for them I'd rather be fucking dead I don't deserve to live if I can't please them. Why can't they get that? They treat me like I'm this selfish piece of shit and i cant get why they won't just UNDERSTAND ME. I WANT THEM TO UNDERSTAND ME. I want them to understand and love me but they just think I'm a bad person, im not even a good little or boyfriend I'm just a useless waste of space nobody wants I belong in the trash alone to rot. I get why they don't love me I'm not pretty or handsome, or well behaved, or smart, or fun, or ever ok I am just worthless I hate myself I hate my everything why can't I just be PERFECT why can't I just be their favorite thing. All I ever do is fuck up that's why I'm not good enough. It doesn't matter what I say or do because I always act out in ways I don't even really want to and hurt them. I don't wanna be alive if i can not do enough or be good enough. I don't get why I fuck up all the time. At this rate they should just break up with me because im worthless a worthless worthless bad little boy who is useless to the world who can only hurt the ones I love.

.

[thelovesicklostones]

Squealing and giggling

Listening to audios to help me relax and oh my god this audio makes me think of how my partner talks to me. The threats, the love, the treatment, the harshness in it just reminds me of them! It makes my heart pound and throb and I'm absolutely just blushing imagining them speaking to me. I love my partner so much I'm their good boy just theirs I can't wait to live with them and love them forever in person and cuddle and everything. I wanna snuggle and feel them close and let them say anything to me and cuddle me and cuddle me and do anything they want to me.

[thelovesicklostones]

Dirty secrets~

Just give me your eyes

Just for tonight it'll all be alright

Eyes open ears closed no wonder you never know that as time goes

just for them ill strip down my clothes as they fall slow

Euphorias a slice away, they'll remark my body starstruck

Euphoria, one slice away

Just for them I'll strip down my clothes

revealing the forbidden secrets I left untold

scars and blotches are in sight but they rub their hand against my thigh as gentle as the nigh

my head began to spin and it felt as if I was silk falling slow

their touch made me feel pure, their touch made me feel clean, and they were not mean.

Just for them I'll let them rub me gentle and clean, but also rough and bloody.

My body is theirs to touch and euphoria is one slice away.

[thelovesicklostones]

~The light that guides me in the worlds end~

Theres barely a candle lighting my way through this forested cavernous path

It flickers and glows but flickers I limp towards it as the moon barely shines and the stars are nowhere to be seen

I didn't know how much farther I could go but I wouldn't stop till the light was gone

the sun was gone but that candle remained lit it had a mind of its own

It would fly and sputter and spin calling for me to follow it further away from my town

Was it a town? Or was it a sight to be foreseen? The sun was gone and I could no longer remember

Who were there faces and voices that called for me? I couldn't remember anymore but there was the sound of the candle flickering flocking flittering sputtering voice that kept me focussed

My feet were sore and you could see my blood and bare tissue 

I kept moving, I felt rocks and digging between my ligaments but I kept moving with excruciating sensations

After all the candle was supposed to guide me to where the sun was

I needed light I needed it to be bright once more after all one can't see in the dark

Every time I slowed the magic candle slowed and began to die 

I'd have to speed up and tell myself a lie to push towards

Once I am by its side it'll glow and move guiding me along like its in its groove

(Poem is free to use long as credit is given <3)

[thelovesicklostones]

Most of the memories I have consist of being hurt emotionally, physically, and mentally by people I should of been able to trust as a child, and to be fair I technically did trust them. But I justified the hurt they put me through. I would convince myself the pain I went through was love and they had to have had a justified reason! Right? Well I to an extent now know that me being hurt like that isn't and wasn't ok. Although more often then not my brain tries to convince itself nothing happened and it wasn't real or that I deserved it.

Due to my childhoods lack of a structure it has caused me to have certain issues, I didn't develop properly, and it resulted in me being part of a system and dealing with BPD. My brain often processes abusive behaviors as love and me being hurt all together means I am loved in my brain because of what has been done to me. I often can have violent thoughts and fantasies of me hurting others or me being hurt even though I don't wanna think that way. It can cause extreme shame to know I even think this way. I'd never actually wanna hurt anyone even though I think about it a lot. When I was younger mainly I had to suffer with knowing something was wrong with me, feeling like no one was like me, and not being able to exactly tell what was wrong with me.

That was until my partner system came around, eventually after we had known each other for a pretty long time and were around two years together. They had begun showing me a new type of love; the same love I had always fantasized about and felt towards those I adored. They also explained what being a yandere meant for them, I listened intently and accepted them. Although things changed I realized they had in a very settled way shown me bits and piece of their obsession and love towards me. Through this boost in affection caused me to slightly slip up on my own obsessive and violent compliments of fantasies by accident.

Pretty soon they found out about my issues that revolved around my style of love even though I tried to keep it private. They had tried and succeeded to dig in and pry away at me to get the information and eventually I informed of the fears of my obsession I had/have. They had comforted me and told me it was ok, it was normal, even that it was cute! They told me long as I don't hurt anything or anybody it was okay and I didn't have to be ashamed for how I feel or think. And that how I am is not my fault. They had begun to teach and help me explore my emotions and still are guiding me with it, they are trying to help me accept my emotions and I'm helping them feel comfort with their own thoughts as well.

Sometimes it shocks me that when I was a kid, and I was being abused nobody batted an eye or even really cared to look into it, and nobody really believed my parents or brother were able to be abusive since they had managed to put up such a good reputation within the family. Nobody listened to me and most people even if they saw it happening didn't wanna get involved and preferred to keep it secret. People were ok and are ok with being so ignorant to ignore a child in a tough situation just so they don't have to enter a stressful situation that their not 'needed in'. For a lot of people they could hear yelling and screaming and still wanna do nothing.

But when people that came from those rough situations express it on the internet a lot of people send hate and harassment. Today while I was reading through yandere posts I saw people telling some posters to kill themselves. People seriously need to remember these thoughts people are having is a result of trauma or some other disorders that cause such extreme thought processing and rocky emotional control. Those who sit there and begin complaining and typing away to people who are expressing their emotions onto their tumblr page, which would likely be their safesplace to get their emotions out. Shouldn't view that content at all if they hate the content so much.

I am so happy I found my partner and I'm happier then I've ever been in my life. I like our rough and 'toxic' love, I'm so happy they found me and were willing to accept someone like me. A lot of people merely leave a relationship when it gets tough and rough like that. But no matter what they have done to me, no matter how much I've cried or been hurt by them I stay and always will because I'm happy with them.

When I'm with them I know I'm protected and safe. I have learned to be aware that without them I am nothing and I'll die on my own, they helped engrave this into my brain, I'm happy they did their such an amazing lover. They've said they've manipulated me but I never can tell when they do; but even if they are manipulating me I love them. Nobody but them can properly love me, I'm a pathetic creature beneath their feet that they've taken into their grace. I'm happy nobody found me or wanted me before them because it's only them who can protect me. I'm their little boy and precious pet and I'm proud to take on that role it's like it was made for me. I've never been fit to take the role of a proper adult and don't know if I ever will be able to. Even if I'm not able to I know they will love me none the less

I will follow their rules to the end of time, I will proudly accept their rules, their punishments, their rewards, and I will try and follow their orders to the best of my abilities. I love them and I love the way they want me. The way they make me feel is just so alive, the fear they make me feel, the times they've made me cry, and then the gentle love they give me is amazing and I'm so grateful for everything they've done for and to me. I love their toxicity, I love the way they can hurt me and they know I love it to. They make me feel safe in a way no one else has.

Although they hurt me in a way most people consider abuse, I don't I consider it love, the so called abuse that comes from them I can tell is different from other people who have harmed me. They stop at nothing to protect me from harms way. They don't want to let anyone but them put their hands on me and I love that about them I feel so loved in my situation. Sometimes it feels hard to believe I got so lucky with them finding me, especially when I see posts from others on here and knowing they were found by someone who doesn't accept their rough love. Without my lover I would of never learned to express these feelings with less shame. I'm the luckiest boy in the world and their my god/goddess.

I wish i could just feel their hands around my throat now and not have to wait, I wanna feel their initials burnt into my skin. I love them so much and I ache for their touch; I crave their violence and their gentle affections. I want to cuddle with them and just be held in their arms, I love being their baby its paradise to be their baby.

[thelovesicklostones]

[thelovesicklostones]

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED OF BEING ALONE IM BEGGING PLEASE WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP IM SCARED PLEASE WAKE UP

[thelovesicklostones]

[thelovesicklostones]

Wherever they are I wanna be, it's heart breaking when they don't respond to a text, it's heart breaking when they sleep so late I miss them dearly. I wish they could see what their doing to me by just existing. I spend all morning checking my messages nonstop waiting for them to say good morning. When it takes a long time for them to come back or wake up I sit there and begin reading through our text history while panicking. My love why can't you stay with me 24/7? Why can't we merge our bodies until we're one? I wish we could share a body then you'd never be able to leave me alone again. Despite the pain and panic I love the way you toy with my heart without you I don't feel alive. I'd let you turn me into a mutilated and bloodied mess if it'd make you happy, I'd let you turn me into a bloody stain on your floor to give you joy. Whether dead or alive my devotion remains to you, my spirit would stay with you, I'd never try to enter heaven because my only salvation is you.