thosethoughtsin2000 - Tumblr blog

[thosethoughtsin2000]

what are ur fave poems of all-time?

hi 💌 here are some:

“Love After Love” by Derek Walcott

“Hanging Fire” by Audre Lorde

“Mayakovsky” by Frank O'Hara

“Rain” by Roberto Bolaño

“Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver

“Spring Torrents” by Sara Teasdale

“Tulips” by Sylvia Plath 

“Summer Morning” by Mary Oliver

“You Are Tired (I Think)” by E. E. Cummings

“Emergency Management” by Camille Rankine

“Thanksgiving 2006” by Ocean Vuong

“Suicide in the Trenches” by Siegfried Sassoon

“Warning” by Jenny Joseph

“[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]” by E. E. Cummings

“Love Sorrow” by Mary Oliver

“Conversations About Home (at the Deportation Centre)” by Warsan Shire

“Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out” by Richard Siken

“Pig” by Hieu Minh Nguyen

“The Thing Is” by Ellen Bass

“Mad Girl's Love Song” by  Sylvia Plath

“The Century’s Decline” by Wislawa Szymborska

“A Primer For The Small Weird Loves” by Richard Siken

“Unpainted Door” by Louise Glück

“Spring has come back again” by Rainer Maria Rilke

“Homesickness” by Marina Tsvetaeva

“Don't Hesitate” by Mary Oliver

“Poem for Haruko” by June Jordan

“To Be Human Is to Sing Your Own Song” by Mary Oliver

“Edward the Confessor” by Eileen Myles (under the cut bc i couldn't find it online)

“Edward the Confessor” by Eileen Myles   

(content warning: graphic description of sexual activity at the end of the poem. i added *** right before that part just in case.) I have a confession to make I wish there were some role in society I could fulfill I could be a confessor I have a confession to make I have this way when I step into the bakery on 2nd Ave. of wanting to be the only really nice person in the store so the harried sales woman with several toned hair will like me. I do this in all kinds of stores, coffee shops xerox shops, everywhere I go. And invariably I leave my keys, xeroxing, my coffee from the last place I am being so nice. I try so hard to make a great impression on these neutral strangers right down to the perfect warm smile I get entirely lost and stagger back out onto the street, bereft of something major. It’s really leaning too hard on the everyday. My mother was the kind of woman who dragging us into stores always seemed to charm the pants off the cashier. She was such a great person, so human though at home she was such a bitch, I mean really distant. I imitate her and I don’t do it well. She didn’t leave her wallet or us in a store. I’m just a pale imitation it is simply not my style to open the hearts of strangers to my true personhood. I hope you accept this tiny confession of what I am currently going through. And if you are experiencing something of a similar nature tell someone, not me, but tell someone. It’s the new human program to be in. It would be nice for at least these final moments if we could sigh with the relief of being in the same program with all the other humans whispering in school. I can’t quite locate the terror, but I am trying to be my mother or Edward the Confessor smiling down on you with up-praying hands. I am looking down at the tips of my boots as I step across the balcony of the church excited to be allowed to say these things. Outside my church is a relationship. On 11th street this guy and this woman are selling the woman so they can get more dope. All their things are there, rags and loaves of bread and make-up. *** And there was— this was incredible. Two men lying by the door of the church giving each other blow-jobs. They were sort of street guys, one black one white. I said hey you can’t do that here. They jumped up, one spit come out of his mouth. If you don’t get out of here I’ll call the cops. Don’t call the cops we’ll go, we’ll leave. That was a shock. That was more than I expected to see in a day. Something about seeing the guy spit come out of his mouth. He didn’t have to do that. I guess I scared him. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was scared too.

[thosethoughtsin2000]

A girlfriend

A Girlfriend? Huh...? Maybe...? Finally...? I guess I could say,

“Finally, It’s about damn time...”

it’s her... oh my god... its her. The one you have had your eyes on for so damn long...finally mine...all mine... all hers.... I really want to keep this one, treat her right, love her right, be with her in all the right ways. I really love her, like a lot... I have never felt so sure; she makes me overthink so much... I know I love her,

because,

I am so scare

Very scared that i am going to fuck it all up...

Please love me unconditionally... Don’t  leave me.  Please

I love you.

[thosethoughtsin2000]

My hands shake. My body aches. I come homw and I lay down, In hopes that resting might help a little. It doesn't. Cause I don't rest, if anything it makes it all worse.

I stand tall in the mirror, Every morning. Agonizingly I practicing for the day that is ahead of me. Practicing for when people seee me outside of my bedroom. I put on that mask the smiled with strong eyes and sturdy shoulders. This doesn't help much either. So many walls...

My feet ache from all the running, All the running I do to escape my inevitable reality. The inevitable reality that hits me when I step into the bathroom.

I look into the mirror and avert my gaze to avoid punching what I see in front of me. I am sick of seeing... me. Sick of seeing my face he called ugly, Sick of seeing the body I worked so hard for, but will still never be up to his standards.

It alwasy comes back to him, the one man in my life that is suppose to love me unconditionally. Unconditionally.

~Father

[thosethoughtsin2000]

A suicide note from a person like be would be nothing more than a letter of apology to those around me. 

An apology to those who had to bare the misfortune of meeting me.

I am so sorry.

[thosethoughtsin2000]

It was you again...

you’re becoming an unwanted, intrusive thought...

Unwanted?

Who am I kidding?

Who am I trying to deceive? Myself?

That is almost impossible, ALMOST....

I went back there to see you again...I told myself it was to torment you. For what you did to me. But perhaps I just wanted to confirm it was really you.... well it was... really you. Perhaps I went back just so I could see you as again... Perhaps I went back just to torment myself.

I really am self-destructive

Aren’t I?

[thosethoughtsin2000]

Suffocate ~hayd

I wish I could stay But I need some space

Can you see me? I'm dancing on my own Can you hear me? I'm crying out for help Is it ignorance? Or selfishness? You said stay here But I'm running out of air I hope you know As I wait I suffocate

I hope you know The air gets cold When you don't hold me

The sky turns grey The flowers fade And blow away

Can you see me? I'm dancing on my own Can you hear me? I'm crying out for help Is it ignorance? Or selfishness? You said stay here But I'm running out of air I hope you know As I wait I suffocate

Should I chase you down? Or should I keep waiting Should I move on? Or should I keep waiting

(Should I chase you down?) Can you see me? (Or should I keep waiting ) I'm dancing on my own (Should I move on?) Can you hear me? (Or should I keep waiting ) I'm crying out for help (Should I chase you down?) Is it ignorance? Or selfishness? (Or should I keep waiting) You said stay here But I'm running out of air (Should I move on?) I hope you know As I wait I suffocate

[thosethoughtsin2000]

Feelings

Uncomfortabllity My mind is a prison and I’m trapped in it. No way to get out of it… I know I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, but your not one and I know that for a fact… I don’t want to lose you I can’t… I know you say I won’t but I’m scared I don’t look like the type to scare easily I don’t get scared easily… I could lose anyone and it wouldn’t bother me… But here you are and there is my fear… the same fear I have of losing him. I’m stuck in a nightmare and you’re the main theme.. Not in a bad way You’re just out of reach My reach You’re not reaching They have you And I’m behind a door This nightmare isn’t a dream, not a dream you’d dream at night I guess you could call it a thought A thought that is constantly going through my mind Running through my mind whenever you mention her Her… the one that has you I’m scared I was the last to show up to the party and they have you You’re comfortable Probably more comfortable than with me I can’t tell you not to be I can’t tell you to stop They were here first I feel out of place Just as I do in my own thoughts I’m uncomfortable She has you I don’t You’re intoxicated You’re with her intoxicated “I’m all yours” “You have nothing to fear” “Nothing will happen” “I love you” I’ve heard it all before Do I believe? No Do I want to? Yes Back to my mind… I turn around feel confident She’s not with you now I adore you I simply adore you From you’re hair being so light that the sun shines off the top when the day is nice, it’s beautiful You’re beautiful You are you and I adore you Like I adore the flowers when spring rolls around I await to smell the roses when I arrive I look into your eyes and I see a beautiful wishing well I long to take a sip from each morning I adore you… “She’s coming over…” I shatter You said you wanted to be alone. I give you space, all the time you need, I became distant, I’m sorry… “She’s spending the night” I look at the ground and at my hands “What’s wrong with me?” I ask

My mind is a prison And I watch you with her after I stepped back from you and now I’m grabbing the bars I’m trapped behind I’m screaming I’m suffocating from my own words I’m swallowing the harsh ones and letting the soft ones come through Why? Because I want to trust you I want to let you do what you want But here I am Watching and crying as I fall to my knees in my own prison because I can’t breath for my own words are choking me ~I’m sorry ~you

[thosethoughtsin2000]

My Everything

I listen to songs that remind me of you,

How you are my Superstar, My Electric love, My Thought in the Middle of The Night, My Eternal Heartbeat, My lady by the Water Fountain

Every blank space...

Filled with you...

I want to be consumed by you, by your love...

Just as you are consumed by me

Consumed by my love, my every action, my every thought ,

I want every blank, empty space in your mind consumed by me.

I want you to look at me with the want of a kiss, just as I do to you...

I always want to kiss you...

Please kiss me.

--------

I feel like I’m fading,

I need reassurance that your still there,

That the love is still there,

I love you.

I’m scared,

My eyes ache to cry,

but I want to feel your touch,

I want to feel you.

I am consumed by you, yes.

But I want you to consume me,

Drown me in affection that I know you can give,

The affection you are scared to give.

I want it to consume me,

I want you, only you.

I want, you.

~you

[thosethoughtsin2000]

I Dream of You When I Dream of the Ocean

I look out over the water from what I think is the shore, the waves hit my feet as I look down and I am standing on rocks. I look out and see a boat in the distance, its not moving, its stagnant and the waves make it bounce a little.

I see a figure on the boat, and now the cold shivers run up my spine as I see the figure raise their hand. I know who it is but i don’t at the same time. Does that make since? I raise my arm and I wave, and the figure stops waving at me, they just watch me.

I climb the rocks and I look up, I see her again, the figure from the boat. I know it’s her because it’s a female body shape like before. She walks away from the edge as i continue climbing and I don’t yell for her, I simply just follow, making my way up from the sea.

I’m in a field now, the grass is tall and I look around to see the cliff I climbed, and the ocean below, the boat is gone when I look out at the endless horizon. I start to walk toward the gazebo and I look up at the sky, the clouds are moving so fast but the grass is still. I’m not wearing shoes. I step into the gazebo and I take a seat, I look to my side and she’s sitting next to me.

I wake up...

What the hell?

So this is a weird dream I had that probably has no reason behind it. But yeah...