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[toulousewayne]

Batfamily Memebers as Greek Gods/Goddess

Bruce Wayne…….Zeus: god of the sky (With all the kids he has I don’t think I need to elaborate any further.)

Dick Grayson………Aphrodite: The goddess of beauty and love ✨ (He’s just pretty, like cmon)

Alfred Pennyworth……Asclepius: god of medicine

Barbara Gordon……..Athena: goddess of wisdom and military victory

Jason Todd……….Hades: god of the underworld (I think he could also be one of the Muses)

Tim Drake…………Poseidon: god of sea

Stephanie Brown………Artemis: goddess of hunting, and the moon

Cassandra Cain………Nyx: goddess and personification of night.

Damian Wayne…………Ares: god of war and courage

Duke Thomas………..Apollo: god of Sunlight,helping and protecting the young

Selina Kyle……………..Hera: goddess of women, marriage, and childbirth

Kate Kane…………….Demeter: goddess of the harvest.

[toulousewayne]

tired: mermaids are all women

wired: much like elves, merfolk are mistaken by sailors for being all women because they have long hair and are very pretty

[toulousewayne]

Jason: I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m married to a child.

Y/N: You better watch who you’re calling a child, Jason. Because if I’m a child then you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.

[toulousewayne]

A collection of quotes from my week as batfam incorrect quotes:

Nightwing: Really, I'd say I am the least crazy of the bats.

Red hood, in the distance: liar-!

-

Dick, at the bat computer looking over case files: ...

Tim, behind him: Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, look, look at this, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick look, look, Dick, look, look-!

Dick, finally turning around: What?!

Tim, now walking away: Nope, if you wanted to see then you'd have turned around earlier. Bye.

Dick: ??

Tim: And notice how I said only bye, not goodbye, Grayson.

-

Red Hood: Would you stop staring at me?!

(Tim)Robin, from a different roof: No!

Red Hood: I'm not even doing anything wrong!

(Tim)Robin: You're alive!

Red Hood: And that's wrong?!

(Tim)Robin: No, but sure is unusual!

-

Jason, chilling in one of his safe houses: Ugh, someone kill me.

Stephanie: Again?

Jason, falling off his chair: When the fuck did you get in here?!

Stephanie: Somewhere between you getting off the phone with Roy and realising you were gay.

Jason: What?? I was never on the phone with Roy??

Stephanie: Oh my bad, I just assumed that Roy would be the cause for you realising you were gay.

Jason: I'm not gay!

Stephanie: You sure?

Jason: Yes, I am sure I am not gay!

Batman, holding little pride flags: You're not gay?

Jason, double falling off his chair: When the fuck did you get here?!

Batman: I've been in here for a while now.

Jason: Why do you have pride flags??!

Batman: Stephanie texted me.

-

[toulousewayne]

Fic: Body Swap, Part 11

Summary: This is definitely going to be the darkest chapter. This story's supposed to be light and silly, but sometimes the angst takes hold.

Jason has a panic attack while in Dick's body, and realises some things.

There are 400 fics about people learning what happened with Dick and Catalina Flores, and here's one more.

Read the warnings, don't venture forth if it's not your jam, take care of yourself please. xo

Excerpt:

“Dick, who the fuck did that to you?”

Dick’s wrongfooted again. He thought there’d be a point where he’d have to deny, or explain, or deflect. He didn’t expect to jump straight over the What to the Who.

His face is sore. Is he still smiling? “Who did what?”

Now Jason’s angry. “Stop. You think I don’t know what that feels like, to have someone trigger you like that? Fuck, before the Joker, before Bruce, you know what my life was. You think I got outta that without knowing how it feels to be scared of violation?”

Read more

[toulousewayne]

I’ve got a question and a batfam/JL fic for you guys.

First of all does anyone have any batfam fic recs where the JL doesn’t know about the batfam just batman?

Or any fics where Batman slowly learns to trust the JL, specifically Flash because that’s what’s on my mind but anyone really, they are all like ‘scary grump broody spooky guy’ and are trying to understand if he cares or is just rude or whatever, and Batman is trying to show he does but is absolutely horrible at it.

Second of all, read this:

It’s not my writing and it’s only four chapters out of eight so far, but it consists of the JL talking with Batman who they think doesn’t care and also meeting the rest of the batfam while they are in costume and the batfam members aren’t. It’s really good and does ship Wonder Woman, Batman, and Superman, but that isn’t really the main focus in the chapters currently posted, it just kind of happens sometimes.

[toulousewayne]

Tim: Who left the toilet seat up ?!?

Jason: I did.

Tim: Everybody knows that the toilet seat needs to be put back down !

Jason:Well what’s the big deal ? Cass moved out and we’re all guys.

Tim: Well the big deal is that it’s polite-

Jason: Oh my god. You pee sitting down !

Tim: I find it more comfortable than standing-

Jason: Wait till I tell EVERYONE !

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Tim: Let's throw him a bone. Damian: Father is not a dog, Drake. Tim: No, not literally. Just give him something so he can back off. Damian: What do I do with the bone? Tim: There is no bone. Damian: Then why did you mention a bone! Tim: It's an idiom!! Damian: I don't know if you noticed but I don't do puns, idioms, figure of speech, and jokes for a reason. Tim: Why do you laugh at Dick's and Jason's jokes, then? Damian: It's the polite thing to do. Tim: It's really not!

[toulousewayne]

Dick Grayson

[toulousewayne]

How do think everyone in the batfamily would react to meeting Thomas and Martha?

Tim: [Conspiracy theorist noises, no one knows if they’re good or bad]

Jason: great, more rich people. Not like we have enough of those. [Loves Martha and wants to know if Catherine is okay, if there’s even a possibility of knowing.]

Dick: sorry I knocked off your ashes while doing gymnastics, grandpa. I think you were in the vacuum cleaner for a while :/

Thomas: meh, it happens :D as long as you’re having fun!

Duke: ok so wait. You’re telling me Gotham used to be WORSE?

Damian: [Keeps getting his cheeks pinched] Can you purchase the government and make animal abuse punishable by hanging?

Thomas: I’m sure we can make that happen! Anything for my little man!

Bruce: Father :|

Thomas: What, I miss the death penalty. Now those were the days.

Bruce: Mother!

Martha: Don’t look at me. I made Luigi Maroni drink a bleach cocktail for kicking a cat.

Damian: …You’ve earned my admiration, Grandmother.

[toulousewayne]

It's movie night but they can't use the home cinema, what do they do?

[week 1]

Bruce: Thanks for letting us use your place for movie night while we fix that leak at home.

Dick: No problem. Besides, I have plenty of snacks and the director's cut of Dumbo.

Everyone: *gathers around*

Dick: *puts on the movie*

~ 10 minutes in ~

*beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*

Tim: My crime alert's going off.

Harper: Mine too.

Duke: Must be big.

Bruce: Suit up and rendezvous in three.

Dick: *sighs and pauses the movie*

Dick: Can't get one night in this damn city.

———————

[week 2]

Tim: Steph, why are we at a karaoke lounge?

Steph: I know the owner's cousin's hairdresser's dog walker's sister's girlfriend and I convinced them to let us use the party room. Don't worry, it's just like a TV screen.

Steph: *puts on Pitch Perfect*

Steph: Ooh, I love this part.

Steph: *grabs a mic and starts singing*

Everyone:

Damian: *stuffs napkins in his ears*

———————

[week 3]

Jason: Since we decided on Pride and Prejudice, I thought I could play it at my safehouse.

Dick: Sweet, thanks!

Jason: *unlocks the door*

Dick: *tries to step in*

Jason: *stops him*

Jason: I said I could play it. I never said you could come in. I don't want your you-ness all over my new stuff.

Bruce: Jason, be reasonable.

Harper: Yeah, you got this junk off the side of the road.

Jason: My junk, my rules.

Tim: Then what are we supposed to do?

Jason: Fire escape's around the back. You'll get a decent glance.

~ 20 minutes later ~

Dick: *leans his head in to hear better*

Jason: My air, my rules.

Jason: *closes the window*

———————

[week 4]

Bruce: Cass, it's your turn. Got the movie?

Cass: *nods and plays Rambo on her computer*

Barbara: Uh, why isn't there any sound?

Cass: Volume button broke. Just read lips.

Jason: Kinda hard to do that with the brightness at zero. Did that stop working too?

Duke: Looks fine to me.

Jason: Shut up, Flashlight.

———————

[week 5]

Tim: I brought my entire Star Wars collection.

Bruce, dodging a space laser: Not the time.

Tim: Okay.

Bruce: *punches an alien robot*

Tim: How about now?

———————

[week 6]

Barbara: Sorry I got a cold, but at least we can still have movie night on Zoom. I torrented a copy of The Matrix.

Barbara: *shares her screen*

*movie plays*

Barbara: *leaves herself unmuted*

Barbara: *starts crinkling Sun Chips*

———————

[week 7]

Everyone: *crowd around Damian's phone watching My Neighbor Totoro*

Bette: Why is your phone so small?

Damian: I have tiny hands.

———————

[week 8]

Harper: Because we're watching Cars this week, I thought I could put together an all-immersive experience.

Bruce: BY LOCKING US IN A RUNAWAY SEMI-TRUCK?!?

———————

[week 9]

Duke: I called this company and since we're heroes, they're letting us use their electronic billboard for this week's movie at a huge discount. Kill Bill should be coming on right about...

*movie starts playing*

Jason: Not bad, Narrows.

*billboard switches to an ad*

———————

[week 10]

Carrie: Since Steamboat Willie is now public domain, I thought we could do something different tonight.

Carrie: *pulls out a flipbook*

———————

[week 11]

Everyone: *watching Love, Simon in a dark living room*

*lights flick on*

Apollo and Midnighter: *standing there in date night outfits*

Steph: Um, Cullen, who are these guys?

Cullen: *laughs nervously*

Cullen: Everyone, meet Apollo and Midnighter. They're kinda-sorta my gay uncles and we're kinda-sorta in their apartment and I kinda-sorta didn't expect them to come back early.

Midnighter: Remind me why we gave you a spare key?

———————

[week 12]

Kate: *sets up a projector and plays Glass Onion*

Bruce: Kate, this is a crime scene.

Kate: The fun part's already done, let Gordon do cleanup this time.

———————

[week 13]

Alfred: Back in my day, we did not rely on scrupulous use of technology. Which is why I propose watching a classic Sherlock Holmes tale on a classic instrument.

Alfred: *pulls out a zoetrope*

Steph: Anyone know what that is?

Dick: Not a clue.

———————

[week 14]

Luke: Nothing like a good ol' drive-in movie. Great idea, Helena.

Helena: I know, and the Godfather is perfect for this.

*Batmobile crashes through the screen*

Steph: Sorry we're late.

Duke: I'm still figuring out the PRINDL.

———————

[week 15]

*TV playing the Aristocats*

Bruce, trying to flirt: I like what you've done with the curtains.

Selina: Thanks, but it was Snowball's after-dinner surprise.

*TV blinks off*

Tim: Hey, what gives?

Selina: *takes a chewed-up cord out of a cat's mouth*

Selina, sighing: This is why I married rich.

———————

[week 16]

Luke: May I present the ultimate Snakes On A Plane drone show!

*phone rings*

Luke: Hello? ... Yes, this is he. ... Mhm. ... Yep. ... Okay.

Luke: Never mind, the FAA says I can't.

———————

[week 17]

Everyone: *watching Legally Blonde at Bette's place*

*dogs barking*

*sirens*

*loud music*

*car honk*

*neighbors shouting*

Bette: Sorry, we have thin walls.

Bruce, shrugging: Eh, still not as bad as HOA.

———————

[week 18]

Damian: Where is movie night this time, Father?

Barbara: My money's on another crime scene.

Bruce: Actually, I rented out the theater just for us and they're playing a special edition of The Mark of Zorro. Everyone got their snacks?

Duke: Popcorn, check.

Cass: Licorice, check.

Steph: M&Ms are obviously the right answer by the way.

Dick: I got a slushee.

Jason: I got the slushee machine.

Bruce: Alright then, take your seats. The movie's about to begin.

*movie plays*

*Rogues break in, make a mess, and leave*

Bruce:

Bruce:

Bruce: I miss my parents.

[toulousewayne]

[toulousewayne]

They are painting nails and gossiping

[toulousewayne]

Headcanon that Damian has a school assignment on who his greatest inspiration is and everyone thinks he’s gonna write about Dick or Bruce but later he accidentally leaves his bag unattended and they find out he wrote about Tim

And tim has to like go excuse himself to not get emotional in front of everyone else

[toulousewayne]

Fic: Body Swap, Part Six

Summary:

This is a body-swap fic with only the awkwardness. None of the bonding. Just the weird uncomfortable parts. Okay maybe a little of the bonding.

Tim-Steph, Dick-Jason bodyswap. No pairings except past Tim/Steph. Every chapters is standalone so you can skip bits that bore you.

Excerpt:

Dick crosses his/Jason’s arms over his chest. “You’re doing this on purpose.”

“Doing what? I literally haven’t said a word.”

“THAT.” Dick juts his chin viciously at Jason. “THAT. On MY FACE. You’re growing a BEARD.”

“Oh!” Jason reaches up and touches the face that's currently his. “Oh this? I hadn’t even noticed. Why, do you like it?”

Dick’s fuming. “It’s SCRUFFY. Tell me you’re at least shaving my legs.”

Read the rest here.

Or start at Part One.

[toulousewayne]

dick had bruce as a partner. there was a mentorship there yes, but at the end of the day dick & bruce were a team.

jason had bruce as a father. bruce took him and made the extra effort. he actually adopted jay and stayed home when jason was sick.

tim had bruce as a liability.

tim went to bruce- bruce never found him. i just really love the idea that because of the difference in dynamic, tim is one of the few people who can shame bruce into compliance so easily.

dick and bruce will get into shouting matches that neither one of them walk away from being satisfied, bruce is an unmovable object and dick is an unstoppable force. when they meet, its not pretty and there is almost always collateral damage.

jason and bruce are like setting off two firecrackers next to each other when they fight. it's loud, it's bright, but it burns off fast. the anger and righteous fury is there one moment but then gone the next.

tim and bruce fight differently, because a lot of the time, tim understands where bruce is coming from. he saw bruce start on his path to self destruction and managed to get him to switch tracks. bruce was never the same after jason's death (what parent is after seeing their child die) but batman was able to correct himself. after stepping into the role of robin, tim understood. he too lost so many people he cared about because of the weight of the cape he wore.

and i think the first time that damian and bruce go head to head, dick may be the one who comforts damian and assures him of his place in the family, but tim is the one who goes to bruce. it's the first time bruce has ever seen tim this angry. tim is seething with a fury that would put the devil himself to shame. he is so angry that he is shaking and bruce can the restraint that tim is using to keep the discussion from becoming physical. tim tells bruce, or rather lectures him, in all the ways that he has fucked up with dick ('kicking him out, never officially adopting him, forcing him to go through with the spyral mission- you treat him as your partner when its convenient but the moment it's not he is your soldier again. its unfair bruce. he's more of a man, more of a father than you have ever been'), with jason ('do i even need to say it? actually, let me address it. you cannot see the forest past the trees. jason isn't who he was before he died. he never will be. same as you. he lost a lot more than his life when the joker blew him up. he lost his innocence, he lost his faith in you. i'm starting to think he may have been right') and with himself ('i love you bruce. i have always cared so deeply about you and your mission. it's why i came to dick in the first place. but this isn't about me.').

and bruce remembers why his relationship with tim is so different. tim trained overseas, tim got to patrol on his own as robin so much sooner than his other boys did. tim was largely unsupervised during his run with the young justice. tim had made up an entire fake uncle to keep his indepence. tim would never argue with bruce about himself in this way, but he would argue about- ('this is about damian. and i swear to god bruce. if you can't pull that stick out of your ass and find a way to apologize to damian that leaves him feeling properly taken care of. superman himself wouldn't be enough to save you from my wrath.')

and it's only later, after bruce does apologize to damian in a way that leaves dick speechless. when barbra happened upon the cave's security footage that she shares with dick who shares with steph who shares with jason that his family figures out just how fitting of a last name that drake is for tim.

[toulousewayne]

Fic: Body Swap, Part Five

Summary: Part 5 of my fic that's got all the weird awkward parts of a body swap fic with none of the plot.

Each chapter is basically standalone so you can read whichever ones sound fun to you.

This chapter, everyone takes their first post-swap showers and discusses what new users need to know about operating their bodies.

Excerpt:

Four very grumpy and embarrassed young vigilantes were in a row, in shower cubicles in the Batcave.

“Next time we get body-swapped,” grumbled Steph-as-Tim, “Let’s do it in the morning when we’re all fresh and clean. Not at the end of patrol when we reek.”

In the neighboring cubicle, Tim-as-Steph agreed. It would have been nice to have a bit of time to acclimate to the new situation, maybe let the awkwardness wear off a bit, before immediately stripping naked.

Well, maybe not immediately. This was taking longer than expected.

“Steph, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I’ve unzipped five zippers and now I’m more stuck in the Spoiler suit than I was before.”

Read the rest of Part 5 here. Warnings for non-graphic nudity and swears. Nothing explicit in this chapter.

Part One